#THERES NO FANDOM IN HERE IM LOSING MY MIND

[skelelephant]

“Come, you shall have absolution.”

Hiiiiii come closer let me tell you all about Black Death (2010). You wanna watch this movie about the plague soooooo bad you wanna consume this media

[anonymoosen]

✨PINNED POST!1!1!1✨

(I SHLDVE DONE THIS A LONG TIME AGO HELP-)

MY NAME IS ANONYMOOSEN (u can call me anony or moosen or moosey or anything u want)

👏👏

I LOVE FANGIRLING

👏👏

UR ALL THE FIRE ON MY GRILL THAT KEEPS IT BURNING

👏👏

MY CRAZINESS CAN ALSO BE QUITE CONCERNING!1!1!1

👏👏

ANYWAY FR THO- BASICALLY I MOSTLY FANGIRL OVER PPLS ART HERE AND OCCASIONALLY POST DOODLES

(AND ON RARE OCCASIONS, DOODLE COMICS-)

AND I ALSO POST RANDOM THOUGHTS AND STUFF AND REBLOG OTHER PPLS AMAZING AND WONDERFUL ART I WLD SWOON OVER

———————-

Pronouns: Anythingggg go spin the wheel or whatever I don’t mind!!

Main fandoms right now: Invader Zim and Hazbin Hotel!! (I mainly doodle about IZ and ZADR tho-)

If anyone sends hate about anything, I’m sorry but I’ll have to reject ur attempt at flirting with me 🥺🤌✨ (GUYS IF U GET HATE THEYRE JUST FLIRTING WITH U CUZ THEYRE SPENDING TIME ON U INSTEAD OF DOING LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE FKDKFK)

If u guys send drawing requests, all I can do is doodle 😔 (plus it takes a looooong time for me to answer requests but I’ll still try my best to answer them-)

Other than drawing requests, u can send any random thing (nothing too inappropriate tho!) in the ask box!!

I only doodle silly SFW things here cuz I’m too dorky and scared to draw anything other than that fjdjfdjkfd ————-

My art (doodles) is tagged as moosenarts

My asks are tagged as moosenasks / moosends! (I COULDNT CHOOSE BETWEEN THE TWO OKAY-) —————

THE CREATOR OF A SILLY AU NAMED THE SHIRT GHOST AU (main au im working on right now!)

Other monstrosities I’ve created:

A RANDOM ZADR SHIZPOST STORY CUZ WHY NOT SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO LOSE BRAINCELLS AND CRINGE GO READ IT: ZIMPAI STORY (ITS ALREADY ENDED AHHFJDJD)

AND THERES ALSO THIS AU IN PROGRESS I WLD PROLLY NEVER FINISH: BEST FRENEMIES WHENEVER AU (I forgot this one exists-)

LASTLY THE IZ X TOH AU WHICH WAS AN AU I HAD IN MY BRAIN FOR A LOOONG TIME WITH MY BEST FRIEND PEACHIE!! AND @thechaoticlittlejester DECIDED TO REVIVE IT WITH ME (but we both have our own diff versions of the au! Go support their version and art too!!)

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OKAY BYEE AND DONT DIEEE-

[sneezemonster15]

I'd give you an analysis, but frankly from what I've seen from your own "analysis" you're not very good at reading

also if you'd be so kind to tag this as mha spoilers, or screenshot this ask and put it under a read more so i dont spoil anyone who's interested in reading mha. it'd be greatly appreciated

(also thanks for getting rid of anon, this time i will include pics !)

anyway, this is the "straight dude who is having a typical cutesy high school het romance with a girl in a taken for granted het world." you're talking about;

also i wont lie, calling mha a het world when these are real dialogue is highkey stupid:

and i know the topic at hand is s/n/s and bk/dk but lets pivot to tg/chk bc theyre more relevant to what im saying

theres a lot to say but honestly, the manga speaks for itself :)

oh and also, you're right, bk/dk has no romantic subtext - it has romantic text. no subtlety needed! :) that is, if you have read the manga - my favourite example is this:

and then shgrk then proceeds to kill bkg, who "dies" (sort of) thinking about izuku in his final moments:

and then izk loses control when he sees bkg "dead" on the ground

and these are from recent chapters! imagine the rest of the series, ey

well! that got long. i'd tackle your crappy assessment of deku's character, but then I'd be here all day!

anyways, if i were you, I'd reread mha and really really understand the text you're reading. you might end up seeing something you missed at first!

Aiyyo someone got triggered! Hehehe. Ah it was inevitable that the moment I talked about MHA and rejected shippy head canons from the show, some delusional hardcore shipper would get all up in arms. Sigh.

You think what you wrote is analysis? Hehehe.

So just some random panels and chapter covers from the manga prove Bakugou or Deku is gay? Lol. I have seen fans like you in Naruto fandom as well. But you are right, I am not as invested in MHA, because it just doesn't have the versatility and genius of Naruto and Shippuden, it is actually quite a straightforward story and I don't need to burn a lot of my braincells to 'get it'. Lol. I am not saying it's bad, but as compared to its contemporary mangas, it just isn't at par for my tastes. It's good for entertainment but it doesn't affect me like other mangas that it takes inspiration from. Some silly shipper telling me I can't read, I would tell you my credentials but nah, too much work for disproving silly ass headcanons.

Fans make comparisons between Naruto and BNHA because Horikoshi is inspired by Kishimoto, definitely some similarities are there, but it misses on the most crucial point. Naruto and Shippuden are love stories. BNHA is simply your typical shounen manga. Naruto and Shippuden use the narrative tool of subversion to tell a love story in the restrictive genre of shounen. It has multiple layers and you need presence of mind to see them. Naruto is gay and you see comphet in his character, his interest in Sakura looks superficial from the beginning and then in kage arc, it is concluded as a mere cover to run from confronting his dilemma, and closetedness. His character is consistently shown as having an internal fight, a dilemma. Sasuke is just on your face, he is clearly shown as having no interest in women, but with Naruto he is especially intimate on his own accord. Ya know, using random panels ain't gonna help, you need to establish it in the narrative. Headcanons are all nice to entertain when that's all you watch media for, shipping. But please to be showing more maturity and media comprehension when sending me an ask, I am not very sympathetic to gaslighters whose heads are filled with shippy shit and cheap self gratification. When I talk Naruto, I make comparisons with other clearly gay media, and point out the common tropes, it's a result of expansive research. Not just random panels that prove nothing. Little one, you need more than that to prove your theories. I have watched a wide range of media, including gay media, your ask is just representative of your ignorance and lack of knowledge about how storytelling and character building works. Heh. Or do you think BNHA has its own concept of homosexuality, its own private language that cannot be compared with how other media establishes homosexuality in a given universe? Yeah, solipsistic ideas like that cannot be taken seriously.

Conformity is one of the pillars Japanese society is built upon, so it's not surprising that Japanese media talks upon how anything that doesn't conform to the norms is rejected. Their media is representative of their society. Mha also touches upon that and there's no surprises there, but again, you need more than that to prove it in the course of plot building and narrative. Some random out of context panel about some character saying something about conformity proves your point? You need to SHOW it and not just tell. But where other mangas, great mangas, popular and critically well acclaimed mangas have explored this idea in detail, MHA is just touch and go. It doesn't entertain a balanced proper discourse on it. It is truly shounen in that sense. Again, I am not saying it is bad, it is just more age appropriate. Which is totally fine. Do you know how heteronormativity is established in the narrative? Like this. Show me where this happens in MHA. Lol. Sweetheart, if the writer had made any attempt to write this world as heteronormative, where gay characters face challenges, I would have seen it. But mha is just not that deep. Sorry to burst your bubble. But that's just a fact.

Seriously, you are going to give me the example of Toga? I haven't gone through the recent chapters yet. I have only watched the anime. But it is clear that, that girl is medically insane. Her idea of liking someone is to kill that person and drink their blood, for her own pleasure. She ain't a homosexual, more like hemosexual. Hahaha. Again, you gotta show me the trajectory of her character, start with the base and show me how it escalates, how does she learn better about herself, her own feelings, the world from her perspective. No character is isolated, any writer who is talented enough to write multimillion franchise knows that. Don't project your assumptions on the story and the characters, work with what you have and draw the meaning from what's given, not the other way round.

There is no doubt Izuku and Bakugou have a strong relationship, even if it is mostly rivalry. But one can see that Bakugou cares about Deku and vice versa. Before telling me how to read, perhaps you should have done it yourself. Lol, I see this type of behaviour a lot from typical silly shippy shippers. "What, did you just say my ship makes no sense? 🤬"

Read.

Do you even know what subtext or text is? Hahah. This is text and subtext. So just because Bakugou and Deku talk about their rivalry in their vulnerable moments, that the audience knows as congruent since we have already seen they have a hot and cold relationship but that they are friends nonetheless, that proves they love each other romantically? You obviously don't know how romance tropes work. The dynamic between two men who respect and admire each other is always shown with a lot of empathy in Japanese media. It is one of the founding pillars of shounen, a genre meant for teenaged boys. They are certainly closer to each other than they are with women they are interested in, but a lot of fans such as yourself misinterpret it as romantic, because headcanon goggles. No, you gotta have more than that. Where Naruto and Shippuden have it in truckloads, none of that in BNHA. Deku is heterosexual af. If he is so interested in Bakugou, how come he reacts the way he reacts to Uraraka? Where is his conflict? Where is his dilemma? His affection and romantic interest in Uraraka is genuine and sincere, not a cover to hide his more private feelings. Unlike in Naruto's case. Kishi uses clever narrative tricks and tools to tell his love story in shounen and he does it skillfully. His motives and intentions are clear as water. He uses inventive smokescreens and red herrings to escape from being too controversial and colour inside the borders of shounen, nothing like that in BNHA. To begin with, Horikoshi doesn't even delve into the sexualities of his characters, because his story is not about that. There's no context, no set up, nothing. His worldbuilding is simply conventional, by which I mean heteronormative, there's no talk about sexual orientation of characters. You see the usual shounen perviness by Mineta and Kaminari and typical straight girls going kawaai over good looking boys like Todoroki, what impression does that give? If Horikoshi wanted to establish his characters being gay, he would have set up the context mindfully and carefully, like Kishi did. Gay relationships and characters can't be shown so explicitly in shounen as that would jeopardize its distribution in the west. Reason? Censorship. That's why Kishi had to be so careful, his target audience might not get it, but the adults do. Well, unbiased adults do, at the very least. So the boys in bnha are gay just because? Because you want them to be? Storytelling and character building doesn't work like that.

Seriously everything you think works as 'analysis' isn't even valid. I honestly didn't even want to respond to this ask, given it's so surface level and ridiculously simple minded. Perhaps you are a tween or teen who thinks every time two boys or girls smile at each other or rescue each other, they are gay and in love. Lol, watch gay media. Like actually watch it and see where your arguments stand in the scheme of things. I will tell you, nowhere. Juvenile kiddy stuff. I won't entertain anymore asks like these, they are a waste of my time.

[creativebrainrot]

Open Journal Entry - New Years (2023)

okay so i canNOT be coherent but fuck theres a lot on my mind right now.

this year was the worst fucking year of my life- it's atLEAST in the top 3.

We faced near-homelessness, awful food insecurity, the death of two beloved pets, the death of our abuser, of 20+ years, after he had only been out of our lives for two/three years at that point, and he did it to himself.

Our car broke down, our debt got worse, our abuser's family tried to take out home from us, they were such cunts. We had been trying to sell our house all year, we didn't succeed until a month ago.

I lost my first ever cat and it still hurts that she might be here right now if we had only had more money saved. She had a great life but I wasn't ready to let go of her, and I don't think losing BK will ever stop hurting. I miss her sweet little face so much. I miss her sweet little chirps and her silliness and just her presence so fucking much. it's agonizing. I miss her.

This year was one in four awful fucking years.

I don't know if 2023 was worse than 2022 for me. They feel like the same year. It was fucking awful.

But.

Last december, I forced myself to reach out. I made myself make a little "hey does this fandom have any guilds or discord servers for/by gw2blr?" post before I went to sleep for the night. I made myself reach out right before I had to sleep so that I couldn't panic and take it back.

It was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. I made my first ever friends from that decision. In fact the person (hi silv ily silv (/platonic)) who invited me to the gw2 server I hold so dear (hi slei ily slei and stuu ily stu /platonic kissy ur forehead) Is one of my closest friends now.

I have, a lot of issues. with trust and self-love and self-worth and I still struggle so much with thinking im not good enough and that everyone will find someone better etc etc I've made insanely good progress AND i have never before had people in my life that I feel like I know I can trust with myself. i am staring directly at my good friends Silvesi and Wynn/Straywyvern. shoutout to you to Specifically.

AND

im throwing affection directly at all of my friends. sorry im just like this not sorry receive affection for the new year CUNTS-

I absolutely love talking with Silv & Wynn & Del, you motherfuckers understand me on a very specific and unique autistic level ily and i love talking to you and infodumping to you and shitposting with you etc etc we need to be more insane with eachother more often beloved friends etc etc my besties <3

I've met so many people who while im not as close with them I love and am so fucking happy i met them and got to be friends with them regardless. lieflet, stu, slei, mabi, dot, lynx, fox oh my god theres so many of you.

youre so creative, kind, fun, chill, I feel safe with you and I love being stupid with you and im so glad I met the lot of you.

I've met so many fucking artists I admire so much through slei's gw2 server and that server is so relaxed and fun and chill I miss being able to hang out with you all in game. "your idols are your peers" lives in my head rent free as quote because its so true and I love. I Love.

im rlly hoping this next year my dad and I can fucking relax. for TWO minutes. oh my god.

I miss being able to relac. I miss feeling safe. I miss, so much. But not the last four years, and not that shit house I grew up in.

What I look forward to is pestering my besties more and more as I become more and more confident in myself and what others seem to see in me. I can't see it, but I'm gonna try and trust the words you say to me more and more.

Even if I end up being right, my worst fears come true, eventually. I'm gonna put in the effort like this is "forever" because we deserve to try the best for ourselves Right Now.

here's to the new year At The Very Least not getting WORSE.

[the-kipsabian]

You know.. others might not care, but I actually love seeing your rants about Kip and all that you have to say. I read it all. And I love seeing it. I care about you and I'm going insane with you in spirit.

Also, just as a reminder.. people don't really have to care.. and what you do is what you do, nobody can stop you. 💜 So keep going insane if you want to, I'll be here. :)

thank you. and like, i know im not going to stop. i care too much and im gonna lose my mind if i dont let it out

but i also know, as ive seen it, how little the fandom cares so its always just like.. theres that stupid, specific feeling of not belonging and being annoying when im talking like this. about stuff that 99% of other people dont care. like if this was about almost anyone else it would be a whole different deal

and im not taking it personally or anything but just at moments like this thinking about it just kinda hurts and makes me feel stupid so. lmao

[ashdoesfandomarchieved]

Tell me ur fav vat7k fics

I’m hungry for bedtime story but I can’t eat your fic yet bc it will melt my mind and I’m already melty on the edges just knowing it’s there and I’m waiting

YES YES OK I GET TO RANT ABOUT MY FAVORITE FICS!! I'm not going to include my favorite longfics because you specifically asked for a bedtime story.

(s)wing and miss by @aziraphalesbookkeeper is the only (?) wingfic in the fandom I've read and it's CUTE AND FUNNY AS FUCK.

This one has six chapters but also how to train your werewolf is in the same vein of FUNNY AND CUTE and fucking unique when it comes to varigo werewolf fic.

this collection of oneshots by @cayenneavocado makes me insane if you just wanna sit down and read through a bunch of SITUATIONS. A fun mix of angst and comedy and I don't think any of them are connected so you can just pick what you want! Anyway read all of them 🔫

hello my old heart by iza (don't know their blog handle!! </3) was the first varigo fic I ever read!! And still absolutely my favorite oneshot!

Lesson in Luxury by @varibean is two chapters in and ALREADY MAKING ME EAT DRYWALL. Head the trigger warnings but it's SUCH A GOOD READ.

Moving Through a Portal of Two Green Eyes by @sundropsapphic!!! You ever wanna see Varian go through A Scenario. Like really see him DEAL WITH HIS TRAUMA?? Yeah this is the fic for you. Also Nuru's in it =P

The Simple Act of Scraps Unravelling by @hybrix-hidings (hope I'm @ing the right blog here bestie) is the Hugo fell first but Varian fell harder manifesto and I'm losing my mind.

Darling, so It Goes (Some Things Are Meant to Be) by @littlemisslol-fic was her submission for varigo week and ITS!! SO!!! CUTE!!! Y'all ever just wanna MACRODOSE on a varigo proposal?? WELL HERE'S SEVEN CHAPTERS OF IT.

Gonna also rec one of my own fics bc I giggle and kick the air whenever I reread this one bc like ninety percent of it is just based off the groupchat vibes me and some of my friends have. Anyway vampires discord fic.

THERES SO MANY MORE GOOD FICS THAT MY MUTUALS AND PPL I FOLLOW HAVE WRITTEN AND IM SURE IM MISSING SOME but these are the ones that come immediately to mind! HAVE FUN AND PLS GET SOME SLEEP DARLING <3

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

fandom get to know me better

was tagged by @nozunhinged AND @jeffsatyr so i had too

3 ships you like:

ok 3 that im into lately

villaineve- they make me turn into the joker <3

aobpuen - like i feel lik if you get it you get it like... i dont have words for them if i think about them too hard i need to bite something

sakuatsu - ride or dies the great fan artists and fic writers of the world have done such wonderful work

the three that im obsessed with currently (like fundamentally changed me

sandray - if you follow me on here you know. literally the last thing i think about before going to sleep and the first thing i think about when i wake up. they were manufactured in a lab to make me periodically lose my mind actually like, id never watched a thai series or heard of them and the only reason i chose to watch only friends was a ray edit someone made right after episode ONE that felt like it was bat signalling me and here i am 7?? months later a fully changed person..... like they will forever be a part of me now i think ill never be the same

vegaspete - similar to sandray in that i watched kinnporsche because of the vegaspete gifsets on the dash and was surprised to find out the series was not about them having bdsm sex in front of the corpse of a hedgehog like i was led to believe, not that i didnt end enjoying kp anyway. they alone would have been enough to make me obsessed but the things people create about them have changed me, thoroughly, like i am unrecognisable to myself after certain fics and fanart....

bokuaka - they are essential to my lore actually, like i dont post about them or engage with them as much as i used to because they are like my eyelashes like they are just a part of me now. bokuaka fanfic was what got me through high school tbh.

First ship ever: idk because ive wrote fic about characters since i was like 8..... actually im gonna be cringe and say chad and ryan from high school musical cause they were real to me when i was in elementary school <3

Last song you heard: good for what by little simz cause it will always get my pumped no matter what

Favorite childhood book: i read like a book a day when i was a kid but i think my favorite was the box car children even tho it traumatized me...

Currently reading: im always in a state of rereading my poetry collection and its recently been claude mckay but i need good novel recs PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME

Currently watching: at the peak of covid fever i started pit babe and im around halfway? thru now, also 23.5 the series as it comes out, and abbott elementary, and tsukutabe, also want to rewatch iwtv 2022... then theres all the shows my mutuals i posting about that i want to watch (im looking at you dead friends forever and moonlight chicken)

Currently consuming: hamantaschen that are supposed to be for tm but there raspberry jam flavored so im celebrating early 🫡

Currently craving: for food: i havent had cheesecake in like 5 years but i think about her everyday. in life: to try to get into the drag scene

ill tag @le-trash-prince @lilleeboi @jenyifer @kitas-cleaning-supplies @luminouschaotic @bokuto-my-beloved

and whoever wants to!!!

[asummersday]

👻🎁💥💡

👻 What is your wildest headcanon?

the kids set a fire in the living room.

april one day finds out theyve never had s’mores. shes rightfully horrified (ahh the wonders of being 11). they can’t exactly go camping, so they make do. when splinter goes to bed, they all sneak into the living room, make tents out of blankets, build a LITERAL fire pit with stones and all that they collected from the sewers (after removing the rug, so it doesn’t burn. raph is wise. he is still literally 10) and start a fire. they have marshmallows, hershey’s chocolate, graham crackers. they prepared ghost stories. thing is though. theres no ventilation. it’s a sewer. so smoke fills up the living room after like 2 hours. they panic, douse the fire, it makes it WORSE. mikey, in tears (from panic and smoke), goes running WAILING to wake splinter.

his FACE when this poor man walked into his living room at 3am to find his kids freaking out and smoke EVERYWHERE 😭 the patience on this man. the shit he’s had to deal with omg. (the s’mores were delicious though. they make them again, but without setting a fire in the fucking living room this time)

(im so glad i got to share this headcanon i came up with at like 3am that had me losing my whole fucking mind. i have a whole page of headcanons for this show i am so unwell 🫶)

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

of course! here u go :3

Mikey shifts in the bed, getting closer to Leo until he can feel his little brother pressing against his shell. “You know you can tell us if something’s wrong, right?” he asks quietly. Leo turns his head until his face is buried into his pillow and sighs, heavy and deep. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbles back, muffled. He hears Mikey sigh, defeated. The slider half expects his brother to get up and leave, frustrated. He knows Donnie and Raph are annoyed with him, and he can’t really blame them for it. It’s not like Leo’s being difficult on purpose. At least mostly. But Mikey doesn’t leave. He stays, and drapes an arm over Leo in a half-hug. “That’s fine, too. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” There’s a lump in his throat and his eyes burn at the words. Leo doesn’t trust his voice so he just gives a quick nod and reaches with a shaking hand for Mikey’s, locking their fingers together and squeezing tight when he finds it.

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

letting karai live for at least longer than 2 episodes. i totally get why that didn't happen, but if i could change ANYTHING honestly i'd love to see karai develop a relationship with Splinter and the turtles and train their ninpo and stuff. we could've had it all :((

💡How many WIPs do you currently have?

oh i love this question! so so many :)

but for ones im actively working on in this fandom? 5. there will be more as i continue planning for whumptober tho ;)

thank you for the ask!!! <333

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

[transford-pines]

augrh aurgh aurgh aurgh ember i just signed up for a fucking ZINE. a whole FANDOM ZINE. its very lowkey and literally no competition as well as purely digital but its a ZINE. if i do this im getting my nAME published. like??? my actual NAME. (not my irl/deadname obviously, i mean my NAME). that qualifies me to give writing advice right. or like theopposite. your pick. still working on that btw. will probablyyyyy get it on tomorrow because my nanowrimo is ticking away by the second and i gotta DO IT. 3: anywaysi wanted to tell someone thing but not make it an actual Post bc idk if its supposed to be like super secret. i didnt sign a nda tho so ptobably not but i WANTED TO BE SAFE. its past midnight for u when u see this. barely 9 here actually. i still got a good 3 hours to midnight. WISH ME LUCK 🗣🗣🗣

OUHHH THATS SO COOL !!! WAIT HOLD ON . I HAVE TO GOOGLE SOMETHING . OHHH THATS WHAT NANOWRIMO IS OK- GOOD LUCK WITH ALL YOUR WRITING!! AND YES THAT DEFINITELY DOES QUALIFY YOU TO GIVE ADVICE AND ALSO I DONT KNOW WHY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS BUT IT FEELS RIGHT . ALSO I ACTUALLY GOT THISD AT LIKE A LITTLE AFTER 11 BUT I WAS RIGHT ABT TO EEPY SO I DIDNT RESPOND THEN HDKSHFKSN ok thats enough of the all caps . why so much all caps ? i woke up like twenty minutes ago my brain is an enigma man . anyways im going feral so ill be in your inbox to ramble about the running minds au sillies soon because God im losing it and also my packages arrived !!! The glass scientists physical copy..... its going to save my life 2day from the crushing boredom of church (id complain that i have to go but i Did sort of agree to it- i made my bed now i have to lie in it (im an atheist for the record dhskhdksjd)) See im having like a little transgender crisis here . because i generally am Out but its a church man . not even the fun kind like The Church its just A church . and i used to go there a long time ago so people are gonna recognize me and theyre gonna have questions abt my short hair and junk and im Scared man . i mean i live in a really good state for this kinda stuff but its a Church . anyways did you know theres a legoset of dt87 scrooge and the triplets?? i have it now and im going FERAL man cant wait to build it . my hyperfixation shelf is THRIVING also did u know theres a donald duck hotwheels . cuz there is and i have it

was too lazy to go take a picture of my own but Look At That Thang !!!

[padfoot0216]

Part 1 of me single handedly trying to grow the Miracle Workers fandom because I love the show.

Segment 1: Out of context quotes (Season 1)

1. Eliza - “Theres no way we can answer all of those [prayers].

Craig - I generally try and shoot for three, four a day. Although, now that I’ve got you, a teammate, theres no telling what we can do. I’m thinking 5…6…maybe as many as 6!”

2. Eliza - “There’s got to be something we can do .

Craig - I mean you can press F7.

Eliza - Does that stop typhoons?

Craig - No but it turns the sound off.”

3. Craig - “And does the debris ever dance?

Person - What?

Craig - Say the debris had lost an object, and then that object were found for it, would the debris be like *insert Craig dancing slightly*”

4. God - “But if you fail…

Eliza - Earth explodes.

God - Yeah but also…you have to eat a worm. Alive. The whole thing. The head and the butt. In front of everyone.”

5. God - “So we could explode his heart, or his lungs, *under his breath* or his penis.

Sanjay - Explode his penis?

God - Woah now that’s an idea!”

6. Abe Lincoln - “Out of my way black cat I’m late for my fun play!”

7. Craig - “Oh, no. No. Im not scared.

Eliza - You’re not?

Craig - No. I’m a bold, intrepid man with a strong mind. I’m a risk taker. I’m a big, bad…boy?”

8. Man 1 - “Oh shit my melon.

Man 2 - There goes our fruit salad.”

9. Craig - “If the world explodes then you will go down as history’s greatest murderer. Nobody wants that.”

10. Person - “This isn’t the department of anuses. We have integrity.”

11. Craig - “Thank you, and this pizza gentleman is gonna live, right?

Eliza- We are back on track.”

12. Eliza - “That necklace…why? I mean who wears bones to a massacre. I mean ugh I thought I was so hip.”

13. Sanjay - “We just watched you eat mud out of a bog.

Craig - Yeah that was clean mud.”

14. Person - “Why is the tornado staying in one place! This is impossible!”

15. [God scatting]

16. Craig - “It would make me really sad if God couldn’t read.”

17. Eliza - “Did he just turn that guy into a jellybean?!”

18. Eliza - “I am objectively bad at my job. I have accidentally killed a ton of people and I’m the leader of this group.

Sanjay - It’s true.

Craig - She leads us.”

19. Craig - “Yes! She saved us! Nooo, I have it away! He knows.”

20. Sanjay - “Okay, okay, new pitch. Uh, how about a romantic carriage ride?

Craig - Nope. Sam’s afraid of horses. Doesn’t like their eyes.

Sanjay - All right, then, uh, what about an eyeless horse? We get some crows, right?

Craig - Wait, where are you getting crows from?

Sanjay - It’s Earth. Anywhere. We get them to swoop down and peck the eyes out of the horse.

Craig - No, crows only peck out of dead things, though. So unless you’re going to get a dead horse-

Sanjay - Then I’ll get a dead horse!”

21. Eliza - “You’d go for it, right?

Craig - Well, no, not necessarily. Not if I was unsure about how she felt about me, or was scared to death if losing her as a friend, and also pretty frightened of her in general.

Eliza - What?

Craig - What?”

22. God’s Brother - “Explain cows.

God - I don’t want to do this anymore.

God’s Brother - Tell mom and dad what a cow is.

God - It’s like a big dog you can drink from.”

23. Gods Brother - “Tell then about giraffes. What’s a giraffe.

God - Tall dog with a leg for a neck.”

24. Craig - “(singing) Mr. Mop and Mrs. Bucket you live on a shelf. One is wet and one is dry and you are both my friends.”

25. Eliza - “(to Craig) Listen I’m sorry we put you in the cabinet.”

26. Person - “I’ll be honest, I’m always high, you know?”

27. Eliza - “Craig! Craig! Are you okay? Craig?

Craig - Bzzzzzzzzzz.

Eliza - *gasp*

Craig - Just kidding.”

28. Sanjay - “(pointing to a word that is clearly mammoths) We do it right here in the department of love.

God - Oh. Makes sense. Okay.

God - There sure is a lot of mammoth stuff in here.”

[maaaxx]

my wips are stressing me out so you guys have to hear about it

or not i dont care

Cots

literally fighting for my life out here with this new wip. I could have the first chapter (???) out in like a few days but like,,, i dont want to do that

but im also not getting any immediate dopamine from this so im having trouble working on it.

Im also scared of having a new audience because like aside from a set few people most of my mutuals know me from ihiap and yall are nice and new people scare me

I even gatekeep ihiap, like if you dont know me from ihiap your not allowed to know about ihiap

a lot more people read that fic than i thought and it stresses me out

off track

i do genuinely think cots is going to be better than ihiap because ive had like two years now to figure out how to interact with fandom and im friends with other writers not and have more of a grasp of my writing style than i did before.

so im really excited about this

but i have enough trouble updating ihiap idk about doing two fics at once

but if i wait until im done with ihiap thatll take like two more fucking years

and ill lose focus

and wont do this fic

again, getting off track.

theres still so much that im not sure about with this fic. Like Zuko I think is the main character

But Sokka is EXTREMELY relevant

so i think im going to split the povs

But theyre at opposite ends of the world at any given time and sokka isnt going to (physically) be doing much.

so im not sure how to approach that

also i have no clue what the fuck kataras doing

like miss girl has two options and what she chooses will DRASTICALLY change the story like SHE controls the plot not me.

Sokka and Zuko are just there for the ride

Azula is also going to be relevant

like the story is about them 4 no one else matters

except aang maybe but like hes actually the avatar in this so thats a given

my first story where aangs the avatar!!!

also outlines are hard

and prologues are hard.

Ill be back with more complaints later

Ihiap

I have a love/hate relationship with ihiap. The characters in it are amazing theyre my favorite people ever. Some might make a cameo in cots, i havent decided yet.

REasons i hate ihiap:

-I accidentally stole half my ocs i talk about this a lot and ive been reassured but im not going to get over it. I hate myself

-Its so badly written like half the time There are some parts that i absolutely love and some that make me want to delete the entire fic. Like ive actually considered it multiple times. I hate it so much, so much second hand embarrassment. Is it second hand embarrassment if I'm the one who wrote it???? -Zuko is so ooc he might as well be an oc

-I dont even know twf azula is doing Azula and Mailee is one of the plot holes that drives me nuts. Because like I wrote Ty Lee into a scene but miss girl is supposed to be in the circus by now. I forgot about that part. Also Theres a certain detail about Azula and MaiLee thats going to be very prevelant near the end of book 3 but i forgot to imply or write that in so thats going to come out of no where. -most major events were impulsive and had no value to the actual plot Examples: That stupid soldier dude, the islands thing. I hate these parts and im going to write them out eventually -PLOT HOLES Reasons why Ihiap is the best piece of literature ever written:

-Relationships and characters

So the thing is despite the fact that theres so many things im bad at doing in writing/havent had enough practice yet, there are things that I know that I am great at writing.

One of these things is delevoping relationships.

I'm really good at making people and relationships very complex and this isnt something that someone can change my mind over, like this is something that i love the way i do it.

This is one of the only redeeming qualities of ihiap.

-I love the plot.

I really want to redo this to do the plot justice because i do think it has potential.

Overall i think that ihiap has more good than bad but the mad really does bother me. If your ever rereading and there seems to be some stuff missing or changed its because im eventually going to go through and edit the shit out of it.

As of now the next chapter (chapter 14) has like 600 words. Chapter 15 has i think 445 and chapter 16 is completely done, chapter 17 had like half a sentence, then were done with twbb.

Chapter 16 is where stuff gets interesting.

Im perfectly aware that TWBB is boring but it was meant to be. I needed it to be for Zuko to not go insane and then also develop Tomnooks relationship (because believe it or not theyre not COMPLETELY self indulgement and they are important) and also Sokka and Katara and Zuko needed that sibling relationship. So i needed like a 17 chapter book in between the two main books for that stuff.

I'm so excited for the next book. Especially like the second half. Its also (most likely) going to be updated a lot more frequently than twbb. Twbb was a pain in the ass because there was very little actual plot and it was just day to day stuff. So i had nothing to go off us.

Like Book 1 was all about the crew and Zuko to kind of learn and build relationships and shit and Book 3 is going to be a lot easier because it has a lot of actual plot and a goal and shit.

Totp

" idk about doing two fics at once" miss girl you already are supposed to be doing two fics at once.

Im not even trying with this fic, if your invested, im sorry. I've thought about deleting it but i decided against it just in case i want to come back to it.

Its not looking good though.

This is what happens when i dont outline my fics

[gayspock]

cringe check

ok lastone tonight before i flush my head down the fucking toilet or whatever the fuck i can do , just god thinking abt how fucking much youre left behind with fucking everything. i wonder how many lives everyone ive known have lived in the past 10 or so fucking years, whilst ive done fucking nothing at all... because i cant even pull myself together just for one fucking second. i feellike a rotted fucking cunt. i dont know why i have to be such a fucking failure at fucking everything no matter how much i try like its never enough for anything and i cant make anything work out right and even when i do fucking try my best nobody ever even fucking believes me because its just that laughably bad half the fucking time . its so fucking embarrassing it just gets worse its fucking everything i cant fucking manage anything half the time without fucking falling apart. at least 10 fucking years ago i was a loser whose brain was fucking rotted by fandom bullshit or whatver now i fucking pick up anything and i feel myself shaking and sick half the time because it just makes me cry and get upset like i cant fucking read anything any more without losing my mind because even books about sad depressed fucking cunts have to have some other fucking person in it and to make the thing fucking go forward or they at least had something that they lost in the fucking first place and it just makes me sob because its not like i can even have that to fucking cling to i just fucking rot in here alone and its getting harder and harder to even be a fucking delusional dipshit. i dont know why i keep thinking new beginnings might help that trying might help and i hear other people fucking whispering at work and the tone of their fucking voices shift as they realise oh fuck me hannah did nothing again this weekend oh hannah youre not in contact with anyone from uni or with anyone else what did you do this weekend? oh spend it alone again oh ha ha um... no no noim fucking not i dont know whats wrong with me i spent 3 years i feel like they never happened any more i cant fucking remember anything i turned up to graduation and people didnt even know who i was because i just cant keep a fucking hand on any of it and the exact same thing happened at sixth form and secondary school and primary school no mnatter how hard i try at new places to try and be fucking nice nobody can fucking stand me and im trying not to be a btich half the time but it gets harder and fucking harder and the longer i go the harder it gets and nobody fucking wants to deal with a grown fucking adult that doesnt have anything that cant handle anything what do you even fucking talk about with a fucking blank wall and an empty headed freak with no other friends theres nothing but i cant handle anything i cant do it i keep trying and i cant do it by myself its such a stupid neverending fucking cycle and i feel like everything was so bad when then but i feel like a physical fucking difference with how much slower my brain feels nowadays like not just the brain fog i used to have but i cant even fucking string shit together or whatever and god fuckingg christ i think part of my brain might just be fucking collapsing in on itself im just biding my fucking time or whatever until etcwhy why why. sorry i dont mean all that

[miiilowo]

hullo, whats your favorite platform to post on? thinking of going outside tumblr but i dont know which sites are good for new artists

honestly? tumblr. 100%. theres no hidden algorithm that pushes you around for one, which is GREAT. you want to self promo by reblogging your own art? awesome! nobody will judge you for it. wanna spam a shitton of tags so it gets more reach? awesome! nobody will judge you for it! theyre hidden!

once you DO gain a following, its a lot less draining than other social media. theres no urge to want to like...Keep up, yknow? You generally wont lose followers or traction for not posting, and even then, since followers are kinda hidden outta view on tumblr its less of a factor that could weigh on you. outta sight outta mind.

tumblr feels a lot more relaxed than other sites. more natural. stuff like insta feels really performative but i find you can kinda just chill out on here. post whatever you want. no insights either on your stats and how big your reach is. its just less all-mind consuming tbh. feels healthier

instagram sucks SHIT for new artists. it took me 4 years to reach 1.8k on insta and im nearing 3k on here and ive been here less than a year posting the same stuff. the only reason i have a following on instagram at all is because the buzzfeed unsolved dudes included one of my drawings in a fanart post and it boosted my account and got the ball rolling to finally put me into The Almighty Algorithm!

instagram also has a thing where it crops the image to be a better fit for insta which is fucking annoying as all hell and sucks for artists

i didnt spend too much time on twitter, but i can say its pretty decent for artists if youre willing to self promote. specially fandom spaces, cause (idk if this is still a trend) bigger artists would go 'hey! if youre a small artist, drop some of ur art + introduce yourself and ill retweet it' which is cool! big fan of that. on the flipside youll be using twitter. which i do not recommend for anyone ever. because its twitter. like seriously that outweighs anything positive i could say about it

you get better interaction on tumblr anyway cause of the tags. people arent afraid to lose their shit in the tags when they reblog ur stuff. on twt quote retweeting steals interactions from the artists and people are a lot less likely to just comment on something. and insta ONLY has a commenting feature, and it also gets you less interaction. reblogging is the primary way art gets around here, and once it starts getting around, looking at the tags is always my absolute number one fav thing

anyways. thats all i have to say. i think

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

My toxic trait is that if ur a Barty Crouch Jr stan, I don’t wanna hear from u about how the prank was unforgivable. (Real talk tho, I get divorcing characters from canon but this fandom is real, real selective about whose character flaws get left in *cough Snape* and whose get removed bc we don’t like what’s in the books)

Anon hayati you simultaneously triggered two whole topics that i am incapable being brief about. im sorry in advance this will be so rambly.

im a big fan of villain characters, i enjoy antagonists in media, always had. watching the hp movies as a kid my absolute favourites were always bellatrix and lucius malfoy, i thought theyre soo cool (still do).

but like, the whole point is that theyre evil, yknow? and if i was to write a story featuring young bella where shes originally kind and good, her whole character arc would be centered around the things that happened to her that slowly made her lose her mind and become evil. because thats fundamentally the essence of the character, this is what im here for.

like nobody talks about anakin skywalker without the context of him eventually becoming darth vader, right? even tho hes originally a genuinely good kid who went through so much abuse.

i just genuinely dont get why you would take a character like barty crouch jr and write them as if it does not lead us where we know it will. people dont just get up one day and go "ok chapter 2 of my life im evil now" - no, theres a buildup. there are signs.

at this point people are genuinely writing ocs that have no connection to the original role of the character. and what genuinely baffles me is that when you point out "uh you know they killed and tortured people right?" people get defensive? like if you dont like the fact that they killed people and want to cut it out of the story, why pick this character to begin with? theres avery and mulciber for example, who we know absolutely nothing about except that they were slytherins in the same year as snape. take them. theyre a blank slate. do whatever you want. but you picked this character! who killed people. and now youre getting defensive when people point that out?

and the prank, well. i hate how its portrayed in soo many fics. i believe ive already talked about this in one of my posts in detail, but basically i dont believe sirius was in full consciousness when he did that. my personal hc is that snape tried to use legilimency on him bc he was suspecting something close to the truth, and sirius' mind kind of occluded on instinct bc thats what he was used to doing at home. so in an occluded state he locked away most of his feelings/thoughts about his friends and remus specifically to protect them, and thats why he wasnt thinking about the consequences when he told snape.

but im going to stop now bc i can talk about this for hours if someone doesnt shut me up

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and��

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

[deliriumofendless]

since i heard in an interview that må dont really have stage fright, bht the crowd actually motivates them, i was thinking in what ways would they be stressed besides equipment problems (like their instruments breaking in some way, or damiano losing his voice)

so i had a big thought

vic would be more stressed with facing failure. When she doesnt necessarily have her heart on something (she doesnt like her part in a song even if the band have tried to convince her otherwise), she'd be incredibly worried of it not doing well, or when it comes to live, the crowd being dissatisfied

thomas i believe would be anxious with the stability of numbers. When something blows up really quick and randomly, theres always an expected drop after a few months, and its normally big in numbers. So Thomas is always thinking of new ways to enagage the crowd so they dont leave; a lot of people when they dont have new content for a long time decide to ultimately quit the fandom, so he's always working on music and ideas for photoshoots and stuff to keep audiences engaged. I also like to think damiano is like going to suggest a day off working to go swimming or something, and he looks at him like he suggested murdering someone (also ethan would try to pull him outside to the pool or something so he can chill)

i feel like damiano is more likely to stress work, like burning himself out cause he thinks thats when he does his best work. So he pulls all nighters for 3 days straight to write rough drafts for 3 songs, all while smoking and drinking a bunch of coffee and random energy drinks. After the all nighters he's always really pissy and uncoolerative, more likely to start a fight with someone or reject an opinion/suggestion cause his brain is mush. The band has to, like, forcefully make him have a healthy relationship with sleep while working on lyrics, but he's always pushing them off 'cause he's worried he wont be able to work well or make nice music and it'll cause them all to fail. Luckily he's the one to calm others down during live performances

ethan, i believe, has the most stress during press talk and interviews. He's seen all the cancelations on twitter over small matters, so he's super nervous about talking in interviews. He lets all the others do most of the talking 'cause he's scared he'd say something wrong and bring unwanted attention to himself and the others. Dam is almost always there to give him pep talks and make very dramatic insparational speeches to pull attention away from the stress of mis-talking, or saying something that he didnt mean. especially with english interviews, where he isn't confident with his speech and vocab, he'd be suoer quiet and would overthink what he's going to say a million times in his head (i feel like partially thomas would be the same, at least with the english interviews)

thats all, im here to deliver pain whenever its simmered enough in my mind

bruh i’m tryna be horny here