#THERE'S A LONGASS LIST OF THINGS I LIKE IN HERE SO IF YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND THEN THERE'S A PLACE TO START

[ashes-onthewind]

☆ $ commissions ☆ ko-fi ☆ twitch ☆ throne

pinned post alert ! ✨

I like green, shush

Hiya! My name is Ash! Please use he/it pronouns for me (don't use they/them). I'm anti-censorship, dni if that makes you uncomfortable.

my pfp is a commission from @honeybyte !!

my note post for creative accountability

context for my blog title

I hate longass pinned posts so! The rest is under the cut, motherfuckers

go reblog this if you would :3 or this

my ask games are under # ask game (tagged on this post as well)

I write and draw sometimes over at @kickintheleaves! I reblog emotes I want to use on @ashess-inthewind, and my contribution to the gimmickverse is @irate-art, which is currently inactive while I get my shit together :( I've got stuff to queue on it when I have time but yeah feel free to tag me on any of these!

"famous" posts i have: baikal seals, trahearne appreciation,

My tags are as follows: (never consistent)

# ash asks <- for when I send other people asks

# ash answers <- for when I answer asks

# ash draws <- for finished art pieces

# ash scribbles <- for every art, including sketchy little doodles!

# ash rambles <- for my original posts and long comments

# tumblr heritage <- for classic posts I've gotten on my blog!

# not my art <- might tag it sometimes when I remember, usually I fast-reblog though

# might just write this <- things I want to write

# might just draw this <- you'll never guess. things I want to draw. waow

# into the archives <- something I want to come back to later, usually a reference

# art stuff <- art resources

#writing prompts <- no way...

# ask game <- yeah

# radar <- my dog !!

My friend tags are, in no order and not a full list:

# my silly <3 <- @/retsameki, my girlfriend <3

# potato stick <- @/irishfry

# sir morphy <- @/mrmorphea

# bee juice <- @/honeybyte

# cactiddies <- @/cactus-with-boobs

# the rats <- @/fivemillionrats

# bardbucks <- @/v3ntissecrets now @/banhamm3r-r3al

#lunarsys <- @/thelunarsystemshares / @/thelunarsystemwrites

@/stars-etc

If you want a friend tag u gotta ask im not gonna do them much anymore

Enjoy the chaos!

I'll make this pretty eventually I promise lol

Miscellaneous Links

paperwork

Secret Dashboards

Adobe analog

Art references here, here, and here

What to cook when you have no food at home

hampter

dunkin lesbians

Heritage posts I managed to get on my blog

The guy who forgot to turn on anon to send himself hate mail

ice pack or pee, the endless question

list of tumblr folklore + a longer version

while you studied the blade

Important information

Esk*mo is a slur

How to adult

Be careful before donating

colour calibrate your monitor!

[plaguedocboi]

love your bathphobia posts!!! was jumpscared by huntington gorge being (very validly) acknowledged on your deadly waterfalls post

honestly, a large chunk of swimming holes throughout the state had had a lot of injuries if not deaths at them! if you look up dangerous vermont swimming holes, the state’s department of health had to release a safe swimming guide because that’s such a big issue (mostly regarding tourists and out-of-staters, but we can all use a reminder)

the other one I’ve heard a lot about is bolton potholes, which has also been named the devil’s potholes 🫡 every year the local facebook groups I’m in have multiple people posting reminders that PEOPLE HAVE DIED HERE and MULTIPLE PEOPLE GET INJURED HERE A YEAR and that there are plenty of other swimming holes that are safer to enjoy. I’ve never personally been, but I’d like to (safely) check it out one day

admittedly, I’m pretty sure a sizeable amount of the injuries at swimming holes around the state are from tourists that don’t know what safe conditions look like or how to gauge that. my rule of thumb is to try to look to see what the locals are doing. people that frequent the areas and who are more familiar with these spots will have better insight on when/if it’s safe to swim and jump

and for the love of god to anyone that cliff jumps (which includes me)- DO A DEPTH CHECK FIRST FOR FUCKS SAKE!!! please do not jump unless you have thoroughly made sure it is deep enough to do so and that the current (if there is one) will not threaten your ability to get back to the surface or bank. I love cliff jumping as much as other adrenaline junkies but don’t risk your safety for the thrill

also I shouldn’t have to say this but do NOT swim in swimming holes after a heavy rain. that is tempting fate fr, you need to wait until the water calms down

(wrote a whole longass ask on anon with links and then realized it won’t submit things with links on anon and lost it all 😭 I tried my best to write what I had before. I just didn’t want ppl to see where I was from lol)

This longass ask has great information and I hope that if nothing else my posts will raise awareness about water safety because people die needlessly all the time just because they underestimate how powerful water is.

Even popular “swimming holes” are not swimming pools; if it’s a natural body of water, it can have currents or other dangerous conditions that could harm or kill you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a good swimmer, you need to be careful about where and when you swim.

Also I did look at the potholes when I was researching the waterfall post, they were definitely on the list of places that didn’t quite make the cut but were definitely considered. Swimming holes like these might be beautiful but they can be very very dangerous.

[cracklinhaze]

hello!!! i LUV your fics. what's your process for outlining/posting? do you like to set a schedule?

thxxx !!!!

wassup anon <3

schedule

for my one-shots, those babies are all over the map. sometimes one gets stuck in development hell for a longass time, like the birds will still sing. other times, i have a random burst of insanity at three in the morning and scribble out where you don't see me like i'm possessed by the triangle himself.

for my longfics, like The Lying Game, i try to be a little more consistent. i usually update within 1-2 weeks of the last chapter depending on length, work, life, etc.—hint, chapter six is entering the final editing phase ;) of course, sometimes shit happens and there will be a longer break, but... i try. gods, i try.

i do keep an in-fic calendar for longfics! here's a peek at The Lying Game's schedule of events:

outlining

for outlining, i tend to script out my fics -- which makes sense since i am formally trained in screenwriting. it was my college major! (*parents everywhere boo loudly*)

i'll often scratch out the scenes i want in the chapter or one-shot, sometimes with a few lines of dialogue or just a short description and then i can move them around/fill it all in as the inspiration strikes.

the other thing i will often do for outlining is stating the purpose of the chapter or the subtext i want to hit, just as a reminder for myself when i'm writing. i talk to myself ALL the time in my document, very informally, as i build out what the point of each scene or chapter is:

and finally, i create an outline at the end of my documents with space for random dialogue that pops into my head, as well, so i have a list of interactions to pick from if it fits well in a scene.

a few insane examples from TLG:

this is also where i can place any dialogue/writing i cut from a chapter, just in case it works somewhere else!

it's not a NEW writing ideology by any means, but i like to live by the "don't force it" rule -- if i'm not having fun writing a scene, chances are it'll drag for the reader, too. so sometimes, it's just about restructuring the puzzle pieces so that it fits together in a way that moves on both ends.

also, yes i write on black pages with blue text. idk. it was something i started doing for eye strain and never stopped!

---

thanks for dropping by and thank you for reading <333

xoxoxo

[iheihairu]

I love how many systems have alters from Tokyo Ghoul lmao (at least in our circles). We have Hinami Fueguchi, Sen Takatsuki (Eto's pen name), and Rei (Juuzou's birthname). We also know a system who has a Haise Sasaki, and some form of Kaneki.

And then there's y'all!

Speaking of, may i ask how the Kens differ? Like are they different forms of Kaneki? How do they differ from source in appearance or personality or whatever y'all would like to share?

We also have Tooru! He's my bestiepop!! I am saying hello to all of your TG fictives!!! I havent met many others, so it's been a pleasant surprise to get a couple in my inbox!

This again got long so! Under the cut with you!

They are! All different forms of Kaneki I mean!

This is how they look in our Simply Plural! Each one represents a time in his arc, so to speak. They do all have freckles, but otherwise they look very similar to their canonical counterparts. Of course, you can see Haise's "real" name here. He's a fictive of Kazuma from Noragami, but as I previously described, Haise is a huge ID for him!

I went into it a little in that longass post, but Kazuma/Haise is the Sensible one. The one that makes me eat or drink and nags me to take care of myself. The one that fusses and does our taxes and makes phone calls. You may be shocked to find he's dry humored and kinda serious! He has "tonal issues" he says, which is both true and a bit of an in-joke. While playful at times, he has a bad habit of talking politics and Me. We're both fictives from the same source - I won't get into it but his devotion is unwavering. He's often teased for having "one subject: Vana." He's also a huge perv :/ and believe it or not he's our biggest binge eater! He likes YA novels, dark romance, and nonfiction political books.

Kaneki is a lil brat, and is noticeably younger in how he acts. He's got that teenage disconnect to the things around him. He's also anxious and selectively mute though, and if he's not with me or in good company, the bratty melts away to shy, quiet, softspokenness. He likes thrillers, romance, and gore-horror manga like Junji Ito. He also has poor depth perception! And! Braces!

Ken is a mediator. He's very down to business and serious. It doesn't mean he's not lighthearted or cheerful, his brain is just Workin! He paces around a lot while he talks. He does not have his favorite books listed.

King is kind of goofy. He's relieved he's "not like the others" 💀 He's an ANP while most of the others are EPs and he takes that win for what it is. I've caught him in his pajamas before and they were these boujee silk, matching white pjs with a K on the breast?? I was like??? Ok goober HAHA! He likes action, mystery, and nonfiction books.

Kuu is extremely anxious and stressed. He often has nausea and cries when he fronts. He has a tendency to think towards self harm, but restrains himself because it's "my" body, not his, and he would hate to hurt "me." He struggles to eat. He likes fairytales and "how to" books. Biographies, books describing places and history, things like that.

Reaper is the stern and aloof one. Kind of mean. Blunt, dry, but with a sense of humor. Very monotone. Is Bossy but Bigger. His patience is short and he has no problems telling you. He was voted "most likely to fuck" in the Kenference and has worn that badge with pride. His blog is Wild. He likes horror/mystery books. Oh he's also built like a barn and for WHAT

Shiro is quiet, cold, and a bit snappy. He's least likely to interact, unless it's to complain (💀) he also struggles the most with craving flesh. We get him red meat and cook it some so he's safe and can kind of curb the hunger Sorta. He likes extreme gore and horror books.

EDIT : We also have The Kids. They stick together most times even if they get snappy with each other. They fight for attention but I can't have one without the other. They're a package deal, if only because neither wants the other to get more than him.

If you'd like to check out the ones with blogs, they're: @coffee-haze @specialclass and @halfmutehalfghoul @darakushita . 240 has one too but there's only one post and I think he's gonna use it as a diary.

[set-phasers-to-whump]

Day 7: Post a link to your favorite whump fic of all time (or reblog it and/or make a list of them!)

ok i decided to limit myself to just 10 of my all time favorite whump fics. these are ones that i return to all the time, that i reread whenever i'm having a bad day, you know the vibe. all of them are very dear to me and i hope someone else will enjoy them too!!! i'll put them under a readmore since this got a bit long :)

Caged by Cargo - 911. Cargo is one of my absolute favorite writers and i've been in love with this fic for a longass time. the emotions and caretaking are absolutely top tier, and there's a lovely blend of emotional and physical whump. summary: "As Eddie stands in his kitchen after returning home from tonight's fight, he finally cracks. He starts falling apart and he knows there's only one person in the entire world he trusts to pick up the pieces. It's why he's dialling Buck's number before he even knows he has his phone in his hands."

Bloodshot Soul by OrionLady - bourne series. this one straight up has made me cry i can't even lie. it's a beautiful and very genuine exploration of the characters and the emotional whump is wonderfully painful. summary: "He cannot fathom why a crusty old skipper would care so much about a strange John Doe he fished out of the water, why he would smile and touch his shoulder and feed him pie. Then again, there are many things he doesn’t understand yet. The closer he and Giancarlo get, the less he wants to remember. An exploration into Jason and Giancarlo’s friendship during his two weeks aboard the fishing trawler."

In The Shadows of The Night by MissCrazyWriter321 - grimm. this fic is thee one that i turn to whenever i'm feeling sad. i love nick and rosalee's dynamic and this fic lets nick break down while keeping both of them perfectly in character. i'm absolutely obsessed with it. summary: "A board creeks beneath her foot, and he startles, but calms quickly when he sees her. “Sorry,” she murmurs. “I hope I didn’t wake you.” Obviously she didn’t, but she needs to be careful how she handles this. If she pushes too hard, he’ll just end up shutting down."

Eggs Two Ways by leslielol - law and order svu. something about the writing style in this one absolutely captivates me. like, there was a period of time where i straight up read this fic once a week and i'm not kidding. they're both super in character and it's a delightful read! summary: "It’s not often Barba has a reason to exercise a set of skills separate from those as a prosecutor. While sat in a holding cell nursing a broken nose, Carisi learns he’s as sharp as ever. (A missing-scene fic from 16x15 “Undercover Mother.”)"

Breaking all the things I'd wish to keep and Can't erase, can't rewind by Elisexyz - the man from uncle. ok yeah this is technically two. sue me. ely is like, my favorite fic author ever and i love all of her tmfu stuff, but these two hold a special place in my heart and make me go absolutely crazy every time (they go together btw). if you're into tmfu and for some reason haven't read her fics then uhh. get on that right now bc she's amazing. summary: "Napoleon maintains that attempted murder cannot be classified as an "accident"."// "“I didn’t think it was him.”"

the moon points to the sun by haloud - roswell new mexico. this fic has been making me insane for literal years. it's emotional whump and has a somewhat different vibe to the other fics on this list, but i absolutely adore it. this writer understands the characters so well and their style is absolutely incredible. top tier fic right here. summary: "They don't do apologies, Max and Michael. If they started, they'd never stop."

No Rules, No Winners by April_Valentine - person of interest. this is one of those times where you watch something and you're like 'man i wish they'd addressed this pain in the show' and then you find the absolute perfect fic that does address it. it's so tender and lovely and exactly what the episode was missing. summary: "Set just before the tag of "Baby Blue." After leaving Moretti's safe house, Reese goes back to the library."

The Car Accident by Tipper - sneaky pete. another one i've been obsessed with for literal years. it's on the longer side but it's so good, wonderful family dynamics and a really excellent storyline. summary: "After Julia found out who he was, all Marius wanted was one more Sunday night dinner with the family. It was a mistake. The trusting way they looked at him, the uncertain way she looked at him.... He left early, afraid to sink any deeper. The black truck came out of nowhere as he drove away..."

Too Hot (Hot Damn) by WasteTimeandType - the man from uncle. i loveee some heat exhaustion fics and this one is so good! i reread it recently when i was sick and miserable and seeing illya much more sick and miserable than i was really made me feel better lol. summary: "'Out of all the UNCLE missions, this was by far the worst. He’d been shot, stabbed, tortured with water and forced to run miles in a forest in the middle of Canada. All of that was preferable to this. The damn heat.' Illya suffers from heat exhaustion and Gaby and Napoleon take care of him. Kink Meme fill."

A Little Tender Care by ArgylePirateWD - person of interest. this one's a sickfic, i read it before i actually started watching the show and absolutely adored it, and i still adore it now. true to the title, it's super tender and soft and it's a really sweet read. summary: "The Man in the Suit doesn't usually take sick days. Usually."

and that's 10!! this is far from a complete list of all the fics i adore, but these are the first 10 (or 11) that i knew i needed to rec. if anyone wants more recs, lmk, i've got tons :)

[shipswithoutcaptains]

Thanks @renegadedoughnut for tagging me. On FB I never participate in chain posts etc., it feels more like spam... But around here, it feels more like an honor :))) Also, these are much more fun...

Rules: Spell your url with song titles and then tag as many people as there are letters.

Schwarz - Rammstein (heard that one too many times these days not to start with it)

Hold On - All Good Things

Ich Hasse Kinder - Lindemann (LOL what else! ~The days without stucking a wire into some unfortunate kid: 0 😈🤣🤣🤣 )

Promise - Chris Cornell (breaks my heart for so many reasons everytime shuffle-god deems the day worthy of it...)

Schwarz Tot Gold - Lord Of The Lost (literally the only song I know from this artist and it lived stuck for days in my head thanks to Tumblr. LOL)

Whorehouse Blues - Mottorhead (no comment. Lemmy...)

Invincible - Skillet (kinda miss those days I used to sing and feel that...)

Turbulence - Pink ( Pink 💗💗💗)

Heart of Twilight - Edguy (too bad The headless game has the *the*)

Ohne Dich - Rammstein (sorry I know I have them here already, but they have been my most fav band last few months and Ohne Dich live, on the small podium, Till with the collar.... that like lives in my head permanently and ... like that is a unique and very complex feeling on it's own, thank you)

*where tf is my wine* ... and also who TF came up with this longass name ffs! Sorry for the long text post...

Under the Violet Moon - Blackmore's night (there! Beautiful fairy queen from fairytales, that's what this list was missing :)))

This Is War - Nickelback (go to fight-song, Nickelback rock, change my mind :-p)

Call of the Mountains - Eluveitie (mountains 💚💙)

Auslander - Rammstein - 🙊🙈🤷 I have to.... That's the song that makes me dance while riding a motorbike. Everytime. And the only two other I can think of rn are Adieu und Adios, so... LOL

Party in My Head - Pain (OK, I do head-bang to this one while on bike, that's true.... I think I might scare the other drivers sometimes... LOL)

Time Of Dying - Three Days Grace (well, Three Days Grace is also one complex unique emotion...not the best, but sooo spot on sometimes)

A Little Bit Off - Five Finger Death Punch (right there with 3DG)

I Miss My Mind - Russel Crowe & The Ordinary Fear Of God (I love love love Crowe's singing and this song hits the f*cking bulls eye for me atm, so.... yup, that there!)

No Return - Avantasia (not the best song, but Ava was missing here...)

Shiny - Jonathan Young (metal covers of Disney? Great music to work out to :-)))

OK, that was fun :)

I don't wanna tag anybody I think.... I have so many letters that I could just tag everybody following me LOL And I only feel comfortable tagging one person, but also don't wanna piss off that one person.... 😜😂😂😂

... buuuut ..... @anwiel13? I want somebody to mention Feeling B songs, pls? Next drinks on me??? ;p

[weaponsdrawn]

yknow what, fuck it, sleep deprived properganda post for the litigation team. i think i know enough about these goobers to make a good point

SO like the properganda stated above yes they're work acquaintances that end up caring about each other more than anticipated, yeah thats like a good nutshell summary i wanna elaborate on that a bit more. also just say some stuff too. BULLET POINT LIST TIME

WHY THE LITIGATION TEAM IS SUPER COOL AND AWESOME AND STUFF

ok so in the lore of the funny toontown game the Litigation team is a group of specialized cogs (thats what robots are called in this universe. the capitalist ones anyhoo) that were hired to help the CLO (that women with the glasses in the above picture) not get her ass kicked by funny cartoon animals. yes its as weird as it sounds yes it goes hard as fuck

so as such their entire thing is that they can beat up toons by using these sick ass strats of theirs. but uhhh thats not the main focus its about found family stuff

FOUND FAMILY STUFF well ok we dont know a lot about the team but there are a buncha implied/i guess just obvious but not directly spelled out dynamics within the team

there's mundie, he's the teams leader and he thinks hes hot shit, i'd argue in the found family sense hes probs the dad/weird uncle/whatever that kind of category is given that he.... has old fuck vibes to me, at least. also hes the leader and there are fanworks out there that have it correlate to the found family. look here he is he is so proud of his team

he does often hype them up in the in-game dialogue that happens before the battles. ofc its all formal like "we can do our job well we're the litigation team" but hes got the spirit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tbh i will state the team are at each other's throats a lot. kilo and mundie fight over shit in the in-game dialogue, and in general there is A Lot Of Them Being At Each Other's Throats, but at the same time its not like super super hatred if you ask me its like found family who like to play fight if you ask me. im not brushing off how mean all the team members can be to kilo btw- for any corpclash fans reading this- but tbh the team has been kinda stagnant character-wise/we dont know a LOT about them outside of the given cutscenes so theres like development potential and a lotta ppl enjoy writing it!!!!! and i totally see it too

tbh if you want my opinion in this propaganda i say that they're the type of found family thats like comically fighting each other for fun. fistfighting behind the arbys and thats family bonding. a "im going to throw you into the sun but if anyone else lays a hand on you they are no more" kinda deal if that makes sense.

THOUGH I would like to highlight this. COURTNEY CASE AND BARRY BRIEF

according to the lore they used to run an insurance company together called A Brief Case Of Insurance (gettit) that collapsed after a cog died (long story)

and now they work under the litigation team

and like THEY. THEY CARE FOR EACH OTHER DUDE. GIVING MYSELF THE PASS TO GO BONKERS THEY CARE FOR EACH OTHER

should note that barry cannonically like. barely speaks/its like scary as shit or something when he does???? its not really told why its such a tense/worrying thing (like at some point in the comic barry opens his mouth to speak after being asked by his boss if. well. he can speak. and the entire team is tensing up like "HOLY SHIT DUDE" and then he just. says normal ass words and theyre like "PHEW") but its implied its because he. yells all the time. so like. yeah that probs means something

BUT LIKE DUDE THEY RAN AN INSURANCE COMPANY TOGETHER................................... THEY GIRLBOSS TOGETHER......

its unknown what exactly they have but whatever it is real caring about each other moments

wrapping up this longass list with a few things

i'd like to highlight some epic fanworks with the litigation team that i really enjoy

the snobbism animatic by maxiemcsoda that they made!! its based off of the events of their introduction comic and their in-game battle

the limits of litigation by king pants. its basically just him adding lore to a challenge he made for himself and his club to make the oclo even MORE hard, if i recall correctly. but theres really good art AND voice acted "cutscenes" that tell the lore. i really like the cutscenes honestly, you can tell the team really cares for each other in them

this art of them robbing a grocery store (if op wants me to remove this point i will as soon as i get back on /srs)

and if you've made it this far have some images too

Found Family Tournament Round 1 Part 26 Group 126

Propaganda and further pictures under the cut

Litigation Team: Mundie Mudsnapper, Courtney Case, Barry Brief, Kilo Kidd

Monkie Kids: MK, Mei, Tang, Pigsy, Sandy, Mo

Submissions are still open!

Litigation Team:

Typical work acquaintances that ended up caring about each other a little more than they originally anticipated. Still kind of rude to each other, but what family doesn't argue?

Monkie Kids:

Listen, listen,,, sometimes a family can be a boy, his bestie, his adoptive pig father, said pig father's bestie with a violent history, that guy's therapy cat, and a freeloading scholar who definitely totally isn't married to the pig father mhm mhm

ahem. screams so, the mk found fam are just all around wonderful and just are a family. the show itself makes it obvious that Mk and Mei are not romantic interests and in fact are just platonic best friends, and dare I say, siblings. Tang and Pigsy are just married, its not canon but, c'mon, its obvious if you look at them. They're also just the dads of the group, Pigsy outright raising Mk and Tang calling himself "kinda like a father figure" to Mei. Sandy is Pigsy's old friend and now he's the uncle of the group and the crazy cat lady at the same time, Mo is his therapy cat and is always with Sandy, do not separate them. Not much of a rant but tbf all that's in my head when i think about themis just "EUEUEUEU".

[icequeen-shiva]

alright, you know what

about two weeks ago maybe by now, i made a post about how i’ve recently hit 200 followers and i’d like to do a q&a again, and even with a reblog from someone more ~*popular*~ than me, and multiple reblogs once a day for a few days by myself, i didn’t get a single fucking question. not one. earlier today i posted two pictures of myself where i felt pretty (i’ve since deleted them) and nobody i actually know of liked it and i got asked by a stranger who doesn’t even follow me if i had any nsfw pictures. i don’t get asks anymore, i don’t get shit. and that tells me that, you may be following me, but you aren’t connecting with me. and i feel that. i get on tumblr and i don’t feel like i’m friends with fucking anybody. and i did that. i know i did that. 9/10 times i let my fear of rejection and embarrassing myself overcome my desire to talk to people, so i don’t do it, or i let it fizzle out and we go our own ways and we don’t become friends. 1/10 times i actually function as a human being and make a connection or at least something that sticks a little.

so here, below the cut, is a comprehensive (loosely) list of things that i like, in no particular order at all, besides tickling, because apparently both sides of this need a little help connecting on any front.

scooby-doo

beetlejuice

the addams family

the sims

the mcu

classic disney animations; my favorites are dumbo, the great mouse detective, the rescuers, sleeping beauty, and oliver and company (it’s old enough that i consider it in the classic category)

~modern disney animations too; my favorites are treasure fucking planet, coco, and... i’m a sap, beauty and the beast. rise of the guardians too even though it isn’t disney.

musicals; i can’t pick a favorite just fucking ask me, but i don’t know a lot of newer ones honestly

empire records

the greatest showman still

cats (i mean the animals but i also like the show even though it is Weird As Hell)

my cat in particular

alice in wonderland

stranger things

space jam

tsum tsums

elvira, mistress of the dark

dice

kiki’s delivery service and specifically jiji things

winnie the pooh i don’t even fucking care i LOVE HIM AND ALL OF HIS FRIENDS

silly hats

playdoh

interesting earrings

exploring libraries or big bookstores

true crime mysteries; my favorite youtuber for this is georgia marie, bless her. i also watch bella fiori and kendall rae

fictional mysteries too

i have a kind of fascination with jack the ripper and with the lizzie borden case

shipwrecks! i don’t know why but shipwrecks fascinate me! why did they go down? all the stories that went with them!

i once read a novel that was told as a series of letters, or journal entries, by people on the titanic, including the iceberg and it was THE absolute saddest book i have ever read in my life. like, obviously i knew what was coming, but i got attached to the characters, the letters made them alive and it was just like... NO. NO I DON’T WANT THEM TO DIE. I KNOW THEY’RE GOING TO BUT THEY CAN’T. and it was awful. i had to put it down and cry.

cryptozoology

the bermuda triangle theories (i’m not saying i believe sOmEtHiNg’S gOiNg On but i think some of the theories are interesting)

ghosts

the nancy drew computer games

monopoly

i still play a lot of my snes games; my go-to time killer and head-clearer honestly is kirby’s avalanche. i also play a lot of super mario rpg legend of the seven stars, super mario world, kirby’s dreamland 3, and donkey kong 2 and 3

final fantasy x in which i’m guaranteed to call almost (i can’t stress that enough) every character at some point “my child”

hyrule warriors, i know it’s not a tRuE zelda game but it’s fucking fun

same with fire emblem warriors

red dead redemption

kingdom hearts

the uncharted series

splatoon but i don’t have it wahhhhh

mind you i am not very Good at videogames, i just like to play them anyway

game grumps

ninja sex party

jacksepticeye

markiplier

monty python

crocheting

tea

harry potter

classic rock. pretty big on queen lately. i like tom petty and the heartbreakers. i like joan jett and the blackhearts.

i just... like rock. across the board. i like the offspring. i like some rage against the machine songs. acdc on the radio makes me happy. def leppard on the radio makes me happy. beartooth, starset, powerman 5000, as long as it’s got a good beat and good stuff going on behind the vocals then i’m gonna be happy. i’m way more into the guitars and the bass and everything going on instrumentally than i am vocally, honestly. the whole big guitar solo to van halen’s “you really got me” and then that bassline that comes in, that bassline is sexy. it’s so simple but i LIKE it.

anyway music as a whole gets me right in the heart and can lift me up when i am at my literal worst point

it’s hard for me to name a favorite or specific bands that i like because there’s so many and i’m not really picky about it. 

pop vinyls

good ol’ vines

buffalo wings

mac and cheese

grilled cheese

dr. pepper

i drink a l o t of dr. pepper

pretending i know how to do makeup well

history; i watch a lot of expedition unknown and mysteries at the museum, and sometimes i’ll watch a free documentary on youtube if it catches my attention. last weekend i explained the donner party to my boyfriend. just.. on a whim. because i’d just watched a thing on it and he said he didn’t really know what it was. i’m that person.

OH I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THIS BACK AROUND TRUE CRIME BUT I READ A BOOK ABOUT H.H. HOLMES AND HIS MURDER CASTLE AND THE CHICAGO WORLD’S FAIR. it was by erik larson, i believe. larsen? i could google this. devil in the white city. there’s been talks to make it a movie. it’s a good read though i will admit i skipped a lot of the fair parts because i was there for the murder.

i also read a book about the lusitania by the same author and i was like ohhh my goooood what. it got a little boring sometimes, i had to push myself to keep going, but i would read dead wake again.

csi: miami reruns are the greatest thing don’t @ me

dark purple and black aesthetics

just like... witchy aesthetics. those colors and black cats

if you haven’t noticed by any selfies i’ve posted, i do have my lip pierced and i love finding new lip jewelry. i have a new opal stud in and i love its look

leather jackets

combat boots; i have a galaxy print pair and a pair with classic marvel comics stuff printed on the inside and you can fold down the sides to show it. they’re my faves.

owls

drunk history

the first 5 seasons of supernatural and i still have a soft spot for the winchesters and castiel

i’m slowly making my way through watching the librarians

i’m also making my way slowly through watching the magicians

(american) football

nature walks

going to the zoo

going to the aquarium

like really take me to either of the above and i will lose my shit

road trips

savannah, georgia

the smokey mountains

last august i drove by myself from ohio to boone, north carolina for a friend’s wedding and that wedding was smack on a mountain top and it was the coolest thing i think i’ve ever done

roller coasters BUT NOT EXTREME ONES baby steps ok

log rides tho, i don’t know why, i always love the water rides

ren faires!

cosplay, even though i’m not exactly active in it myself (but i want to be; one of my offline friends is an actually-getting-kind-of-internet-famous mei from overwatch cosplayer)

cards against humanity

foosball

pool but i suck at it

speaking of pools i love swimming ... but i suck at it, i just like boppin’ along in a pool

cookouts

summer

there is nothing like being out in the middle of nowhere in summer when the evening starts to fall and the sky is dark, dark blue and there’s a sea of shimmering lightning bugs out over a field. it’s beautiful. it’s peaceful.

there’s nothing like sitting outside on a calm spring night and listening to the spring peepers (they’re frogs) either.

if you couldn’t tell, i live in the middle of nowhere. i have to find enjoyment in the little things.

campfires

dancing around said campfire, you cannot have a campfire without good music. this is when a lot of my classic rock education came to pass.

elephants

my favorite books are the abhorsen trilogy by garth nix, tied with the serpent’s shadow by mercedes lackey

i am trying to get into comic books by way of the youtube channel comicstorian. they break comic books down for you and read them aloud with the images, altered slightly to avoid copyright strikes (and that’s all made very clear, it’s not done sketchily), and it’s been really easy for someone like me who doesn’t just have a comics store close (and i would otherwise continue on as i have been, forgetting to ever look for them on the internet). i listened to injustice 1 and 2, and they covered the game. i’m actively following scooby apocalypse, and there was some teen titans stuff i went all the way through up until now. i don’t think it’s finished yet from what i remember.

i love museums

candles

i actually kind of collect tea sets

i also have a collection of sand art bottles AND IF I’M EVER AT A FESTIVAL OR A FAIR WHERE THERE IS A SAND ART STAND YOU CAN BET I AM GOING TO MAKE ONE

yugioh duels; i’m definitely just a novice and it’s just a fun pastime my friends got me into when they found their giant binders of cards again

i’m not actually that big on pokemon, i don’t know a lot of them but it’s still fun and i know some. but i did love pokemon go when my friends still played it (don’t really have time anymore, and it kept crashing way too badly on one of their phones anymore anytime they tried to join a raid and it just wasn’t fun as a group then)

i don’t have any but i like the ~look of crystals and would like to have some, not for my own aesthetic but i just... like having pretty things!

listening to the rain

how the air smells (at least where i live) after a long rain and everything is just cleansed

depression has stopped me from writing for a long time but, in my heart, writing has always been something that has touched me ever since i knew how to do it and could put my stories down on paper instead of having to just talk about them... so i’m going to include that here

root beer floats

hotdogs

hard dip ice cream (if you don’t know what hard dip means... as my boyfriend didn’t... it means ice cream that you have to use a scoop with, not soft serve)

soft serve’s good too tho don’t get me wrong

strawberry milkshakes

this isn’t even stuff that anyone would need to know on this site to befriend me at this point, nobody’s gonna message me like HEY I READ YOU LIKE STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES ME FUCKING TOO

you’re cool if you do that lmao

so bad they’re good creature features from the 50s and 60s

the old godzilla movies

i like the moon more than the stars, but i like them too

flower crowns

bouncy balls

original skittles

this has gone on way too long, nobody is reading this, your mom’s a hoe, goodnight

no she’s not, i’m sorry, if you got this far then i hope your mom is a nice person

[soleilnomoon]

HEYYYY 2/20 REQUESTS!! LETS GOOOO

ice cream sundae, nougat, neapolitan rose, ice cream cake with honey and caramel!!! for trafalgar law as I'm a one trick pony

give us the pirate x marine angst!! the tension!! the forbidden love!! getting caught by Law and forced (not really, reader wants this badly but has an act to uphold) to play his lustful game where reader ends up throwing out the act in the end and just wants him, and he gives and makes them stay on his crew after!

"don't think I'll let you run back to your shitty marine corps, you're staying with me. but first, I need to punish you some more for all those times you've stopped my crew..."

"oki bb, whatever you say~💅✨😘"

let's pretend i didn't take 100 years to finish this request, however!!!! i had so much fun (i love enemies to lovers sfm, as u know ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡) so sorry it took forever, but it's here at last. i hope you enjoy bc i def had way too much fun writing this.

6.5k words (i know omg, i know shhh), fem reader, nsfw, 18+, mdni; angst angst angst, fluff? don't know her; she doesn't exist here. smut, obvy bc that's what i do ૮₍˶ •. • ⑅₎ა enemies 2 lovers, babey. feat. cutesy things like alcohol, public exhibitionism, oral (f receiving), pussy slapping, lil bit of nipple play, other stuff probably; idk law is a mean bitch bc he can't handle his feelings; reader is a marine who has zero self preservation obviously. both of them need to shuddup and kiss. (if u see spelling/grammar errors no u didn't; also the section in italics is a longass flashback i'm not sorry).

“because i am the kind of woman who leaves scars” — anaïs nin

ONE, TWO, THREE

when you received your promotion earlier on in the year, you assumed the higher ups would loosen their leash and let you do as you please. to your inevitable disappointment, they haven’t; you learn this the hard way when several thick stacks of documents are left for you to review on your desk one brisk morning. you scoff, fight the urge to set them on fire, and plop down on the cushioned chair. with your boots propped on top of the desk and feet crossed at the ankles, you close your eyes and sort through the running list of tasks you need to complete before you can set off for the new world.

it's never your intention to think about trafalgar law, but somehow he always finds a way to sneak into your thoughts throughout the day. agitation works its way slowly through your veins, teeth clenched as you grind them against each other. it’s even worse at night, where you find yourself twisted in your bed sheets, tossing and turning, plagued by dreams where his hand wraps around your throat almost too easily. instead of fighting him off, you’re always breathless and mesmerized, lips parted and wanting — his amber eyes holding you in place, seeing through all your thick layers and steel walls that you’ve erected to protect yourself.

no one’s ever penetrated them before and survived.

it's terrifying and unsettling that you always wake up panting, trembling fingers clutching the front of your shirt desperately, sweat pooling around your temples, curls frizzing from the humidity. you fear that your heart is beating hard enough to incapacitate you and you clamp your hand over your mouth as if it’ll prevent you from screaming out in frustration. if you keep your eyes closed, you can still feel his hands around your throat; if you keep your eyes closed, you can ignore the guilt that accompanies those dreams and tread the dangerous path towards impossible fantasies.

an unsteady tightrope that you tackle head on — one foot in front of the other, blindfolded and nervous, unsure of what awaits you at the end.

there’s nothing abnormal about a marine trying to figure out a pirate’s next moves, but your case is a little different. irritated at yourself, you kick your feet off the desk and knock the documents over; the pages float through the air and you laugh as you ignore the mess. you suppose you’ll sort through it all later. the transponder snail rings loud enough to startle you, but you take your time answering.

you pop a mint into your mouth and chew thoughtfully, not bothering with pleasantries as your voice denotes your irritation. “what is it?” you’ve never been one to be polite when speaking to other marines — no matter the rank; and since your mood still hasn’t lifted, you don’t bother pretending.

“oh, absolutely not,” you grit out, brows furrowed, a frown settling on your lips. the commodore refuses to let up, berating you for your past failures and reminding you that as a captain you need to be setting a proper example for your subordinates. right now, the commodore was not happy with you; and if he’d let you explain the situation, then maybe he wouldn’t feel so inclined to lecture you like a child.

“right but—” you’re cut off by another long diatribe of his and the longer he speaks, the angrier you get. “well if you’d listen, then i could—” again, you’re unable to get a word in; you try several times over to no avail. irritation swells inside of you, an itch you can’t quite scratch yet; you clutch the receiver tightly and end up hanging it up once more foolishness is spewed your way. it’s ridiculous that headquarters wants you to drop your current mission and focus on capturing law. they refuse to let you shirk any responsibility as you let him escape the last time you crossed paths. you knew the decision would come to haunt you, but you didn’t think it would be this soon. and while you had a very valid reason for letting him go, you still can’t forget the last thing he said to you before slipping away. it follows you around throughout every day, an unrelenting reminder of your incompetence.

weakness is not an option, even if the enemy in question tends to throw your world into chaos whenever he sees you.

FOUR, FIVE, SIX

you’re nursing your fifth shot of vodka when trafalgar law approaches you; the pub is dingy, overcrowded, but popular. you’re not much of a fan, but the alcohol is cheap — business is always booming. since you typically don’t wear a uniform regardless, no one seems to recognize you — it could be the fact that most of the patrons are drunk or exhausted or a combination of both. you’re too damn tired to make any arrests so you drink to your sorrows and ignore the ache on your face and shoulder.

he slides into your booth, opting to sit right next to you, leg bumping against yours without a care. you cast a sharp glance his way, scowling as you knock back the shot. there’s something off with him tonight; he’s much too relaxed — in all the years you’ve been pursuing him, you’ve never seen him with a devil-may-care attitude. until now.

“bold of you to assume i won’t take your head right here and now,” you say lightly, alcohol sitting heavily on your chest; you’re sure that that’s the reason why you suddenly feel out of breath, but you steel your features in his presence and trace the tip of your finger around the rim of your shot glass. you observe him through your lashes, eyes trailing along his jaw, admiring the distinct features that you can never tire of. if he was uglier, then you’d have no problem dealing with him. but he’s not. it pisses you off.

law pauses, mulls over your words, and tilts his head as he studies you. “that’s the thing,” he leans forward, crowds your space until you back yourself against the wall, wary and critical as you narrow your eyes at him. if he gets any closer, you might not be able to resist whatever nonsense he’ll tout your way. his voice is unnecessarily hypnotic, but if you voice that out loud, he’ll never let you live it down. “you’re not in a position to act right now.” how he knows that is beyond you, but you suck your teeth and roll your eyes.

“don’t test me, i’m not in the mood.” not that you ever are in the mood to deal with him, but he doesn’t need to know that. “now, leave me alone.” you’d rather ignore his presence altogether, but he’s doing that thing where he makes you squirm under his gaze; you try to hide it, but he catches the movement, eyes dipping lower as he takes in your appearance.

it's hot out and you opted for something breezy and short, sleeveless and stress free. you blame the vodka for bringing an uninvited heat to your face when he leans in again; and you blame the vodka for not giving you time to defend yourself against his sorcery. because that’s what it is — that’s what you keep telling yourself, anyway — why else would you inhale deep enough to commit his cologne to memory.

absurd. foolish. this sort of behavior will get you killed.

and yet—

he snorts — a surprise to you both — and coughs to clear his throat. “what will you do if i don’t?” you almost slap him, but keep your hands balled into fists, nails sinking into your palms to keep yourself grounded. it’s not the words that get to you, but the rich timber of his voice drips onto your skin, permeating through the layers, its huskiness mixing into your blood.

his is a voice you’ll never forget, and you hate that so fucking much.

frowning, you fold your arms against your chest, cheeks slightly puffed, that heat still lingering on your face as you try to steady your heartrate. his eyes are hawkish, raking over your body in broad sweeping motions; you watch his throat as he swallows, and suddenly you’re very aware of his proximity. you’re both silent for a long moment, but when you part your lips to speak, you choke on your words as law tugs on your plump bottom lip with his fingers.

you stare at him incredulously, but you don’t move; normally you tell him off, give him scathing words and go back and forth until you’re both too tired to continue. to make matters worse, your tongue darts out and briefly flicks against his finger. a harsh current of electricity shoots up the length of his arm, making him retract his hand quickly. he gives you a hardened stare, jaw clenched, eyes narrowing before muttering something under his breath. you catch the words, “ridiculous” and “unnecessary” and “how irritating.”

you want to point out that he’s the irritating one, but you’re still reeling from what you’ve done. shame settles onto your shoulders, makes it hard to move around. so you order another drink. you half-expect law to leave, but he doesn’t, which is strange. very, very strange. you don’t bother talking to him but find that you can’t ignore his presence any longer. his knee presses against your thigh and he leans against the palm of his hand while his elbow is propped on the table. always silently watching, crafting contingency plan after contingency plan — you’re a wildcard that needs to be dealt with. swiftly.

it must be an act of pure possession that forces him to snatch the shot glass out of your hand and chuckle darkly when you try to grab it back. the words that fly out of your mouth are tart yet welcomed; he’s comforted by that sort of behavior, because it’s predictable. and it’s your predictability that will allow him the chance to escape with his crew. when he brings the glass to his lips, you feel your annoyance reach its peak.

“don’t. you. dare.”

it's your drink, he needs to get his own. granted, you definitely don’t need to drink anymore; but you’re committed to wallowing and throwing a pity party that you don’t want law to interrupt. the vodka floods his senses as soon as its in his mouth, you watch in horror as he finishes your drink, a small smirk prancing onto his lips when he places the glass down. he’s testing your patience, you know that, however it doesn’t stop you from grabbing onto his shirt, fisting the fabric as you bring your face close to his.

“the fuck did i just say? what is your damn problem?” your anger is rolls off of you — lethal and toxic, spreading through the air — but it only furthers his interest in you, although he’ll deny that later on. he’s not sure why, but he grabs your chin roughly and runs his tongue along your lips. your breath stills, and you wonder if maybe this is all a dream; since you’re properly distracted, he releases your chin and grips your neck, long fingers pressing into the sides. firm enough to make you gasp, but not hard enough to cut off your breathing completely.

you can feel your pulse skyrocket, and while you try to keep calm, you can’t; not when he traps your bottom lip in between his teeth, not when his other hand runs along the inside of your thigh, and not when you inhale sharply and lean forward to kiss him impulsively. you completely take him off guard, as he fully expected you to fight him a bit more. law rubs his thumb along your neck before squeezing it again, slanting his lips against yours, tongue stroking hotly and licking inside your mouth. you were upset he took your drink, but you can taste the alcohol on his tongue — it’s more potent than the other five shots you downed previously.

his hand inches higher, fingers gliding underneath your dress, goosebumps pricking your skin mercilessly with every swipe of his tongue. you place your hands on his chest, the warmth from your skin nearly burning through his clothes. this is a mistake; he knows it, he should’ve left you alone — but he knows that’s easier said than done. besides, you’re one of the few constants in his chaotic life right now. he kisses you to sate his growing appetite, but it’s not enough; if anything, it only stokes the mania that he keeps locked away. ravenous and unyielding; he knows better than to open that door just yet.

your lips are softer than he imagined, plush and inviting, supple enough to stir certain feelings that he continues to ignore. his annoyance still lingers as his arousal builds inside of him; he didn’t think you’d be this pliant, didn’t think you’d allow him to squeeze and caress your thigh like that. in all honesty, you just aren’t thinking; he’s taken that away from you — all your logic and sound judgement — and when the tips of his fingers graze the front of your panties, you let out a soft whimper that nearly makes him forget himself.

he swallows all your doubts and worries, gives rise to a feverish madness that whirls inside of you; turbulent, accosting in nature, a force to be reckoned with. he only meant to tease you, but in return he set himself up for failure; his cock strains inside of his jeans, the front pressing painfully against his half-stiff length. if he doesn’t stop soon, if he doesn’t find a way to purge you from his system, he might never be able to stop touching you.

law’s fingers stroke along the front of your panties, the fabric growing damp as he rubs firm circles on your clothed cunt. you nearly leap out of your skin, whine pathetically against his lips, legs spreading as he applies more pressure. a small voice in the back of his mind reminds him that he’s wasting time, but when he tugs your panties to the side, when his long fingers work their way inside of your needy hole, he forgets himself. your walls are warm and tight, and squeeze around his fingers as soon as he starts to move them.

the pace he sets is slow enough to annoy you, but you moan against his lips, he plunges his fingers deeper — enjoying the way your pussy clenches around his fingers with each thrust. impulse coats your tongue, makes you kiss him wildly to gain control of the situation; your hips roll forward, desperate to chase the high that is just outside of your reach. he pulls away, chest heaving, eyes darkening as he keeps moving his fingers; you’re left in a daze, fury rising at your inability to resist his charm and at the shameless way you let him handle your body.

it's pride that prevents you from calling out his name, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as you stifle the wanton noises that rattle around the back of your throat. because he’s determined to not let you have your way, he plucks his fingers out of you and admires the way your slick wetness drips slowly down the length of his fingers. appalled and embarrassed enough to want to hide forever, you look around to make sure no one is paying any attention.

“wipe them off,” you whisper loudly. law looks at you briefly, an idea forming as he pulls you close and swipes his fingers along your lips. they glisten under the dim lighting, and you can feel a flush take hold of your entire body. before you can say anything, he licks the remainder of your arousal off his fingers and then licks your lips again.

“sweet.”  he blurts it without thinking — more so an observation than anything else, but he berates himself internally for not keeping the comment to himself.

your thoughts scatter, a shiver gliding down your back as you watch him with widened eyes. it doesn’t take long for your brain to start functioning normally again, but the residual embarrassment will stay with you for the duration of the night. after smacking his hand, you scoot away in the hopes of ridding yourself of the moment. absently, you lick your lips, mind replaying that small series of events over and over, tipping your sanity over the edge.

“go away,” you say again, as you try to quiet the thundering beats from your heart. you squeeze your thighs together, ignore the way the ache keeps growing, and hope that whatever spell he cast on you disappears once he leaves. you’re surprised that you can formulate coherent statements, as you’re still trying to sort through the haze from your arousal and your rising anger. “you had no right—”

“relax, relax,” he says nonchalantly, shoulders loose as he grins devilishly at you. “you’re making quite the scene. i’m sure you’d like to keep your identity hidden in here, right?” you swallow back your retort, eyes roaming around the pub as you take in the various pirates that have gathered there. he makes a solid point. if you cause a scene, you won’t be able to fight them all; you’d certainly try, though. he can tell. brows knitted closely together, you consider your options, but ultimately decide to back off.

“fine.” it’s difficult for you to let things go, but you don’t need anymore broken bones; your subordinates are still resting, so you can’t risk putting their lives in danger all to shut trafalgar law up. “are you done? can you leave, now?” because it unnerves you that he still hasn’t moved away.

the issue is that he doesn’t know how to leave you alone; he hates the power you hold over him, the one you wield without trying. and then you have the nerve to act clueless; he’s certain you know exactly what you’re doing, and he won’t believe otherwise. still, he shouldn’t linger any longer, because if you decide to change your mind — which, he suspects, could happen if he pushes you hard enough — then he’ll draw more attention to himself than necessary.

he takes the initiative to slide out of the booth and regards you coolly, that stoic mask he’s infamous for returning in full force. with a tilt of his head, he says, “we’ll play again another time, firefly,” and strides out of the pub without looking back at you. once the night air hits his face, a burst of clarity follows; it takes a lot for him to keep walking, to inhale through his nostrils to calm himself completely. by the time he reaches the polar tang, he’s agitated all over again. his crew mates know better than to ask questions, and he motions for them to start preparing the ship for the next voyage.

if any of your subordinates find out what happened, you’ll be ruined. still, you can’t say you detested any of it — if anything, you feel more invigorated than before.

SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE

that memory drives you to act; reminds you that you have a mission to uphold, that as a marine you must prioritize the safety of the public over whimsical fantasies about a man who intentionally tries to catch you off guard whenever possible. if the commodore caught wind that you not only let law escape, but that you kissed him too. you gather the scattered documents together and sift through them quickly; you know what is expected of you. if you don’t catch law soon, they’ll demote you; and not that you care about promotions or titles, there’s a certain level of freedom awarded at your status as a captain.

you refuse to give that up.

it doesn’t take long, but you gather a small group to travel with you to the new world; they’re not the bravest, but they’re stealthy and creative. you don’t need brash idiots who will run into battle without thinking things through — not that you have room to talk, you’re much more reckless than you let on. it takes a little more than six days to reach your destination, a lovely island full of lush plants and flowers, with lively towns and villages. you reach the island before the heart pirates do and bide your time until they discreetly dock along the coast.

it's been two months since the last time he saw you and he’s yet to find some semblance of peace because of it. while law prides himself on being able to multitask, to be able to think several steps ahead of his enemy, he can admit that you tend to divert his plans without even trying. insomnia prevents him from properly resting, although that’s due to the way his thoughts are often haunted by the memory of your lips on his. if he closes his eyes, he can still picture the way you struggled to keep quiet, the way your pussy kept sucking his fingers back in; he should be disgusted and ashamed, except he’s not.

and even as fatigue settles over his bones, weighs him down, chaining him to his bed, his mind still won’t let up. it’s because he hates you, that his cock won’t let up. he hates how you can’t seem to take a hint, hates the way you insist on chasing after him, and hates how you defy his expectations every single time. it’s almost always late at night when he dreams of you — writhing underneath him, skin littered with bite marks and bruises courtesy of the brutish way he handles you — and he’s always startled awake, desire coiling around his legs, restricting his movements as he fists his cock.

it's out of hatred and annoyance, it’s what he keeps telling himself — even after he bites his fist to keep from moaning out loud — but the lie gets harder to tell as the days go on.

bepo takes note of law’s change in demeanor, confers with penguin before confronting their captain with his theories. law sighs loudly, irritation coming to a boil, festering underneath his skin as he tries to listen calmly.

“i’m staying one step ahead,” he says smoothly, flipping through a medical textbook and ignoring the pointed looks from shachi; he’s read this book before, but they don’t need to know that. “what do you think will happen if we don’t eliminate her soon?” his notoriety has caught up with him; there’s very few islands he can frequent openly without having to worry about the navy catching him. not that he actually worries about that, but still. it’s rich, though, coming from him — and bepo almost points it out but refrains when he catches the look on law’s face, the one that chills him to his bones, makes him shrink back and keep quiet for the duration of the morning.

law grinds his teeth together, ignoring the guilt that plagues him; it’s not bepo’s fault, but he’s on edge and doesn’t see a clear way out just yet. he instructs his crew to scope out the area and set up camp; he’s not too concerned with any navy interference, but one can never be too careful on the grand line. it’s intentional when law loudly announces that he’s heading to town alone, already discovering one of your subordinates before carrying on; he leaves his first catch behind for his crew to deal with, while he waits for you to find him.

you don’t know why you thought this would be easy; infiltration is your specialty, but with this lot you’re not able to be as discreet as you hoped. you’ve had to shush a few of them several times already, much to their annoyance — although, they don’t voice that out loud, instead opting to mumble under their breaths to one another instead. you don’t care, though; you’re focused on the mission at hand. you follow law as quickly as possible, going from street to alleyway — but when you take the wrong turn, you can’t find him anywhere.

it's suspiciously quiet around you, which is when you notice that the others are nowhere to be seen. great. just great. you’ll have to scold them later, but for now, you’ll just do the job your damn self. after an hour of searching, of combing through the crowds of people in the hopes of spotting law, you nearly give up. a familiar hand grabs onto your arm and pulls you into a nearby alley. you stumble and law uses the momentum to shove you against the wall — weathered bricks crumbling as you look up at him. anger courses through you, but before you can act, he smiles slyly and confusion takes hold of your face.

“before you say anything,” he starts, voice smooth and intoxicating, “your men are being held captive.” it’s not that he cares enough to tell you, but he thoroughly enjoys the way desperately try to steel your features to appear unaffected by his news. “they’re not your usual crew,” he muses out loud, eyes narrowing as he tries to figure out if he’s missing something.

you simply shrug, opting for nonchalance — even though you can feel your heart leap out of your chest when he moves closer to you. “what can i say,” you pause, lick your lips, mind racing as you try to buy some time, “i have a lot of men under me.” an unintentional slip of the tongue, one that simultaneously impresses and infuriates him; mostly because he now has an image of you fucking other men and he doesn’t like that. at all. jealousy prompts him to keep your wrists bound together, the restraints digging into your skin as he drags you back to the shore. he could’ve easily transported both of you to the polar tang, but he wants to teach you a lesson instead. you struggle to keep up with his long strides and curse at him behind his back; although it’s mildly entertaining to him. at the thought of running, you remember his previous threat — that he’d fuck you publicly, in front of your men and his — and behave. somewhat.

your skin flushes at that, your mind wandering as you consider your options; if you let law have his way, you’ll be proving the commodore right. you refuse to let that old bastard have the last word. you don’t realize you’ve made it to the ship until you see your men being held hostage by law’s crew. if you can slip away from law long enough, you might be able to help them escape — and, as if he can sense that very thought, he glances over at you sharply, dark brow raising, almost as if he’s challenging you to do just that.

you doubt you’ve ever hated anyone as much as you hate him right now.

“two options,” he says suddenly, voice permeating the air, menacing and matter-of-factly, “i let you go and eliminate your men.” you make a face at that, the frown semi-permanent as you wonder if the second option is any better. “or, i let them go and keep you.” he hadn’t meant to say it like that, and bepo gives him a knowing look that he conveniently ignores. the answer is clear-cut, and, without hesitation, you tell him to let your men go. he smiles at that — every bit as devilish as they say — and while he half-expected your men to bargain, to plead for mercy, they don’t.

it rubs him the wrong way for some reason.

“that eager to get rid of her?” he asks them, and they remain quiet before voicing aloud the opinions they were only brave enough to tell one another. apparently, you rub people the wrong way with your polarizing views, contrary opinions on most political matters; you always need to have the last say, and while you do your best to fight on what you believe is the right side of justice, you only do so on your own terms. the men you chose for this mission never had faith in your plan, and it could be because the commodore manipulated them into double-crossing you.

is it pathetic that you didn’t see it coming? you can’t blame them for bailing, but a bitter taste seeps up your throat as you try to stay focused. law gives them three minutes to get out of his line of sight and they push one another as they scurry away. he’d threatened them earlier too, that he’d kill you if they breathed a word to headquarters. they believed him — he could tell from the way their eyes widened, from how their shoulders tensed, and from how their hands shook. he had no intention of killing you, of course, but they didn’t need to know that.

you watch them retreat and let out a humorless laugh; it’s cut short when law leans in to say, “checkmate, firefly. time to play.”

TEN. TEN. TEN!

aboard the polar tang, law endures endless questions about why you’re still alive, but law insists that he has a plan — he always has one, even though his current one is unraveling slowly. he hadn’t planned on you caving, but he assumes this is a ploy on your part so that he can lower his guard. even though he removed the restraints around your wrists, it doesn’t matter; you know you can’t escape him now. you’ll have to bide your time until you can find an opening.

it's rare for law to venture into his room before nighttime, but he makes an exception to interrogate you — or, that’s what he tells his crew. you know nothing good can come from the two of you being alone together, but you’re currently at his mercy, hoping whatever he has in store won’t be too painful. he leans against the wooden desk in his room, arms folded against his chest as he watches you — eyes hawkish, tracking your movements with precision.

“strip.”

you blink at him repeatedly, even laugh and shake your head. “absolutely not.” you know you’re in no position to try and barter your way out, but you’d like to try anyway. law, however, doesn’t give you the opportunity. he closes his eyes, inhales sharply before repeating himself — the command latches onto your skin, burns you alive once he sets his eyes on you again. you don’t think you can refuse him the second time; not out of fear, but because he’s giving you that same heated look he gave you month ago in the pub.

you tell yourself that it doesn’t matter, that you can follow whatever asinine rules he’s set for this “game” and take your time undressing. it’s that audacity that makes him want you badly, the desire nearly taking hold of every rational thought in his mind as he takes in your hips and thighs. you inhale deeply, do your best to remain in control, but feel your nipples harden under his intense gaze, turning you into some blushing fool.

“get on the bed.” he’s never shared his bed with anyone, so this is all quite new for him, but he doesn’t voice that out loud and instead takes pleasure watching the way you comply without much of a fuss. you move to the center and before you know it, law’s pushed you onto your back, hand gliding down your stomach, fingers hovering over your pussy. if you inhale deeply enough, you’ll be forever consumed by him — and you’re having great difficulty trying to convince yourself to keep on fighting.

this isn’t exactly a part of his plan, but as he’s a quick thinker he’ll improvise on the way. you should have more self-preservation, but law flicks his tongue against your pert nipple before sucking on it selfishly. you let out a startled cry and place your hands over your mouth to keep from making anymore sounds. you refuse to let him have that satisfaction, but the longer he teases your breasts, teeth grazing over your skin, the quicker your anger fizzles out. you know better than to keep indulging, to stop this before it’s too late, but your mind grows hazy once he spreads your legs and instructs you to grab onto the backs of your thighs.

despite not being a connoisseur of the fine arts, law admires the way your slick arousal glides down your slit; he wonders, briefly, if you still taste the same. you’re much too aware of your own breathing, and when law’s mouth hovers over your pussy, you almost lose your mind. “don’t move,” is all he says before running his tongue in between your folds, making your hips buck against him. “what did i just say?” he glances at you, his cock stiff beneath his pants, making it difficult to concentrate. you swallow hard and nod at him, steadying your breath as he slowly crafts a very crude love letter on your pussy with his tongue.

in between strokes of his tongue, he tosses questions your way, fully expecting you to answer as you keep holding onto your legs. in the span of two minutes, he’s already extracted a few deep confessions from you — ones that he pockets for later, to investigate further — but you’re beyond caring at this point. your body burns as you try not to move, chest heaving, teeth biting down on your lip hard. it becomes impossible to pay attention to his words, and your wetness clings to the insides of your thighs as law continues to antagonize you in the best way possible.

you’re not sure how long you last like that, but when you sift through his dark hair with your fingers and tug hard, he pulls back to give you a look before slapping your pussy. the shriek you let out quickly turns into a moan when law pinches your clit. “don’t be a brat,” he warns, voice gruff and husky. your legs shake when he slips two fingers inside of you, tongue circling and swirling around your throbbing clit, as he thrusts his fingers in and out. your stifled moans annoy him, he tells you as much before sucking harder, fingers scissoring as your walls squeeze tight. his erection is partially to blame for why he's acting irrationally, but it’s also very much your fault too.

the last time he had his fingers this deep in your pussy, you had to keep quiet, but now? he’s interested in hearing what other sounds you can make.

“don’t close your mouth, i want to hear you.”

if you weren’t so captivating and alluring, he wouldn’t have any issues; but there he is, slurping on your pussy like the delectable piece of fruit it is. it’s a rush, really, and he doesn’t stop you when you roll your hips again, enjoying the shameless way you buck against his mouth. you’re not sure if it’s the way he holds onto your thighs, fingers digging into your soft skin, or if it’s the way he moans against your cunt, that insatiable hunger raw and feral, turning him into a man possessed. you tug on his hair again, harder this time, crying out as your orgasm brings a deep shudder through you. law doesn’t let up, tongue lapping at your wetness, not bothering to wipe it off his chin.

you watch him through your lashes, face growing hot as you watch him take his clothes off too. you’re not sure what comes over you, but you pull him down for a sloppy kiss, tongue brushing against his as he rubs the thick head of his cock in between your folds. he knows that if he doesn’t fuck you soon, he might just die. or, something close to it. the kiss is all tongue and teeth — fervent and sensual. you taste yourself on his mouth and completely forget that things have gone a little too far.

and just when you think you’re close to having the advantage, he bites your lip hard enough to draw blood and flicks his tongue out; it’s a sharp, coppery taste that fuels him to kiss you all over again — a euphoric delirium, deadly and carnal. you drag your nails down the hard planes of his chest, taking your time to commit each dip and curve of his muscles to memory. rather than let vulnerability catch him off guard, he grabs your face and runs his tongue down the length of your throat.

that lust-filled haze guides you onto your knees, ass playfully rubbing against his stiff length; he grabs you roughly, teases your entrance, and inches his cock inside of you before snapping his hips against yours. law burrows his cock into your puffy pussy, your soft, gummy walls clenching as he pulls out and slams into you all over again. your moans bounce around the room, swirling around his head, making him light-headed.

his girth is every bit as imposing as he is, but you take it without much issue, hips rocking against his, fingers grabbing at his bedsheets as you arch your back. law slaps your ass before fucking you harder, watching the way his cock disappears into your pretty pussy with every stroke. you feel another orgasm approach, his thrusts brutal, but delicious, making your toes curl as you shamelessly moan his name. if he was a better man, he’d take his time with you, let you get acclimated to his size, and hand you the reins.

but he’s not; he’s a pirate, after all.

he grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling you towards him, leaving behind open-mouthed kisses on the side of your neck and jaw. his hips stay close to yours, strokes getting faster and rougher, pussy squelching loudly, but you don’t ask him to stop — if anything, you keep chanting more, more, more. he dips a hand in between your thighs and rubs your clit, making your body convulse, voice growing hoarse from how loud you’re being.

when you cum you’re nearly incapacitated, eyes rolling back, cunt fluttering around his thick cock, squirting as his hips knock against yours. a merciless, unrelenting tempo, one that has you melting under his touch. he doesn’t last much longer, his cum thick and hot as it pours into you, dripping down his length as his hips slow down. you can hardly move, legs completely giving out, body like jelly as you plop down onto the bed. he runs a hand down his face and looks at you, a warmth invading his chest, making it hard to breathe properly. to combat that ridiculous feeling, he tells you that he’s far from done with you and that he has no plans on letting you return to the navy. if you had more sense, if you weren’t as obsessed with trafalgar law as he is with you, then you’d find fault with his words.

he tells himself he’s doing this to teach you a lesson, to punish you for all the times you’ve interrupted his journey, but he knows the truth — and, after seeing this side of him, the one where he’s completely tossed aside that mask he wears, you also know too.

[corvuscrowned]

today marks one year since i posted my very first fic, The Disappearing Act, which i suppose makes it my fandomversary. i’ve written a lot of words since that first fic, but i’ve also made some incredible friends who have been exceptional support both in my writing and in life.

i wanted to take a second to thank some of the folks who have made my fics possible with alpha and beta reading. this is a remarkable amount of volunteer labor that i think sometimes goes unappreciated in fandom, and the folks who are willing to help each other out with writing are seriously the glue holding all of this together. many of my betas have worked on numerous of my projects with me, so here are some of the amazing friends who have alpha and beta’d multiple of my fics over this past year, and a cheeky little plug for some of their own writing.

@m0srael​, who was an angel who swooped in to beta my first longfic when i was just a fandom baby and made me feel welcome and supported when i needed it most, and has read many a word for me thereafter. check out: my remarkable erised gift To Vanish Into Something Better, as well as their amazing timey-wimey fic, Our Time, that I will never forget.

@thebooktopus​, an early fandom partner in crime who was a joy to learn the ropes alongside. oh, maddy - saver of endings, calmer of crows. where would i be without you? check out: the soft yearning of Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, the scaldingly sexy What Have You Been Hiding Under Those Robes, Professor Malfoy?

@t4tvegaspete​, the love of my life, who has alpha or beta read the vast majority of the fics i’ve written this year (we’re talking over 250k of my words), and without whom i would unequivocally not be the writer or person i am today. check out: their sexy-spooky Deal With The Devil and their wistfully sharp A Problem For Another Time.

@cavendishbutterfly​, who has made my fandom experience so warm and memorable and who never complains when i slide into their dms to ask if they can beta something for me, “uhhh... by, like, tomorrow?” ugh, cav, i don’t have words to say how much brighter you’ve made my time in fandom. check out: their cozy mystery cluefest The Ever Changing Room, their flannel, mitski, and cat infused friends to lovers song from the morning birds.

@vukovich​, who is evil in the way i enjoy most, who was a guiding hand in my early days of fandom, and whom i will now stop saying nice things about because i know she’s allergic. beta’d my 80k erised in like a week like a fucking champ and caught every plot hole i crammed into the thing. check out: her sexy, evil Vis-à-Vis-à-Vis, and her sexy, bittersweet Fearfull Trill.

@sorrybutblog​​, who is currently alpha reading my longass 110k and growing WIP with exceptional patience and irreplaceable insights, and who has allowed me to send her even more thousands of words of rambling thoughts in dms without complaining once. a vision, a saint, should become emperor of the universe. check out: her age-bent, whip-sharp and characteristically poignant Not Nineteen Forever, and her comforting, enrapturing, and mysterious Heartlines.

@crazybutgood​​, SPaG wizard extraordinaire, who has beta read more words for me than i can count with remarkable turnaround time and the sweetest, kindest words of support. check out: her fluffy, origami-infused fangfest Heart On Your Sleeve, and this amazing podfic she did for T4T.

@moonstruckwytch​, who beta read almost all of my fearfest fics from last year and was a hell of a beta and spooky writing partner whose company made last october unforgettable. check out: their fast-paced, rivetingly romantic catch a break, and their spooky My Bloody Valentine entry iterum.

this isn’t even close to a full list of everyone who has helped work on my fics in this past year, and i’m sending every single one of you a bouquet of noncorporeal roses. thanks to all of u, and to everyone who has read anything i’ve written, looked at my silly doodles, chatted with me abt fandom meta, and made this space feel like a home for the past year. you guys are all the coolest.

[booasaur]

I’m not sure if you’ve answered this before, but in case you haven’t, what are your top 10 characters? I’ve always had the same couple of character in mind but working remotely for the last few years made me watch a lot of current and past tv and I’ve changed my opinion a lot. Some characters that I thought were amazing when I was younger are really underwritten or bland, or just not what I thought at all lol. It’s nice to have a better perspective but it also made me stop rewatching because I want to keep some old favourites still!

Lol, anon, the wrench you've thrown into my night! I might have been asked this before, but I don’t think I’ve ever answered, it's always been so difficult to pick and rank, but for some reason, I decided to give it a try tonight.

Oddly enough, I don't really think I've experienced what you have, but aww, that sucks, to lose faves like that, or to be afraid to lose them. :x Hopefully you’ve been able to add more!

I think the difference for me is that I don't really have individual favorites so much as archetypes? And that's going to show in this longass list of way more than 10 characters.

I decided to do a read more for both length as well as to give myself the option to edit in the future:

So this isn't an official list, I tried to make a list years ago and realized how difficult that would be and decided it'd be better to do archetypes/similar groupings, because there are SO many awesome characters, I can't remember and list every one of them, but archetypes I have a much better handle on.

This is messy because there might be overlap between groups but I spent a while tonight organizing them and sorting into a kind of spectrum so I think this is as good as it gets.

Oh, you may think they should be in different groups, but these are simply why they matter to me:

Boss ass bitches - The characters who're smart and ambitious and wield it well, it's plain fun watching them in charge:

Jessica Pearson Brenda Leigh Johnson Kerry Weaver Baroness Spoor (Crest of the Stars) Siuan Seo-hyun (Mine) Chrisjen Maria Hill (Added 2022-12-22)

Compassionate leaders - These are the leaders who're also of course badass and fun, but what I like about them specifically is the work they've put in to be kind, so it’s not a coincidence several of them are working to fix past mistakes. The rest are just very good at leading in ways that center other people:

Lexa (Kenshin/Xena - This was one of the earliest entries and my effort to try really group whole archetypes into single representative characters, so you can see how that works) Claire Redfield (movies version) Two (Dark Matter) Dutch (Killjoys) Kat Loving (Strange Empire) Warren (Z Nation) Naomi Nagata Janeway Amalia True (Added 2023-02-18) I might put someone like Laura Peterson in this one or the one above

Good-hearted and competent - These are the people I love for BOTH these traits, that their competence and skills are part of their personality, and it serves them in being good:

Seven of Nine Moiraine Kat Edison Donna Clark (HACF) Jessica Fletcher Ginger (Filthy Rich) Drummer Sam Carter Bobbie Draper Ellie Sattler Nakia Trinity Teresa Lisbon (Mentalist) Lafiel (Crest of the Stars) Probably the longest list, I'd put people like Kirsten from Vigil, Fear Street's Deena, Bletchley Circle's Susan, etc here

Incredibly big-hearted - These people may be many things, including extremely competent, but my first love for them is just how much they strive to do the right thing:

Kara Danvers Nausicaa (Ghibli) Raya Sister Julienne (Call the Midwife) Hi-soo (Mine) Jade Tanchingco Khirad (Humsafar) Rory Gilmore James Holden (Added 2021-12-23 - Moved here 2022-03-04) Frodo (Added 2022-03-04) Ava (Added 2022-12-06) Cruz (Special Ops Lioness) (Added 2023-09-03) Mickey Bolitar (Shelter) (Added 2023-09-07) This is where characters like Buffy and CW’s Nancy Drew (or every version, really), etc would also go

A little self-centered or demanding or flighty but ultimately still very lovely:

Glinda Upland Blair Warner Michiru Aaliyah (Special Ops Lioness) (Added 2023-09-03) Where LM Montgomery heroines and Fatin from The Wilds and Bess from CW’s Nancy Drew would go

A lot more self-centered or demanding but I love ‘em:

Rachel Berry Monica Gellar

Veering into straight up bitch territory but usually because of some insecurity or other: April Stevens Paris Gellar Quinn Fabray Katie Fitch Ava (General Hospital)

Neat characters who always win:

Harley Quin (not Harley Quinn, but the possibly only supernatural Agatha Christie detective, the personification of death) Psmith (Favorite of Wodehouse protags)

Doofuses:

Jay Kulina (Kingdom) Jean Ralphio Saperstein Kenneth Parcell Randy (Enlisted)

Misc:

Eve (Killing Eve - No idea where she falls now given her writing) Kurapika (and similar wildcard characters, not leads, too strong, others include Fuji from Prince of Tennis, Yukimura Sanada from Samurai Deeper Kyo, Soujiro from Kenshin, Doc Holliday from Tombstone) Keanu characters

[nonagesiimus]

do u have any book recs for ppl who are trying to get back into reading?

yes but i also have a longer response about reading that im putting under the cut. "get back into reading" is a really broad thing to give recs for so im taking it to mean "things that are low effort but still fun/interesting" and then if you want more specific ideas please god read my longass response under the cut and get back to me

the miraculous journey of edward tulane by kate dicamillio (childrens book about a toy rabbit who gets lost)

the selection by kierra cass (ya dystopian the bachelor but its royalty. this is a TERRIBLE book but i read the entire series. sometimes its fun to read a terrible book)

ice planet barbarians by ruby dixon (alien erotica. note that there IS brief rape/sexual assault early on in the book that is unrelated to the romance. again sometimes it is fun to read a terrible book)

get a life, chloe brown by talia hibbert (contemporary romance about a woman with a bucket list)

all systems red by martha wells (sci fi novella about a secunit who gains free will)

the house in the cerulean sea by tj klune (fantasy auditor goes to check on a fantasy orphanage. i did not like this book but it was extremely easy to read)

im thinking of ending things by iain reid (psychological horror about a woman who goes with her boyfriend to meet his parents for the first time and she thinks she wants to break up with him. this is like the only book ive ever read that legitimately freaked me out while i was reading it)

the year of magical thinking by joan didion OR slouching towards bethlehem by joan didion (memoir about the year of her life following her husbands death, essay collection)

the new me by halle butler (litfic woman works as a temp and has a phenomenal amount of internal rage. i have so much to say about this one honestly)

hunters in the snow by tobias wolff (short story about a three person hunting party. this is my Short Story From High School That I Still Think About)

i tried to give you a variety bc i have no idea what kinds of things you like. good luck!

hmmmm usually "get back into reading" means you previously read as a hobby and fell out of it somehow so usually for that the best book is one you already know and love. whatever book used to be your favorite book when you were a "reader" or maybe when you were a kid. it can literally be a picture book just like anything you actually WANT to read and have a good time reading, thats a good book to get back into reading.

alternatively, some people have a Certain Kind Of Book they can reliably read quickly (for me this is contemporary romance) and reading one or two of these can snap you out of a "reading slump"

i really think the actual most important thing with reading is that you actually ENJOY reading, like you enjoy the process or the analysis or SOMETHING about the experience, because its basically pointless to force yourself to read when you aren't having a good time. so if you're sure you want to read and are just having trouble getting in the swing of things, maybe you need to change the kinds of things you're reading (like, maybe you spend a lot of time reading ya fantasy and need to move to adult fantasy, maybe you focused mostly on novels and now you need to read short stories, maybe you need a new genre, maybe you need a new author, etc). you could totally surprise yourself on what kinds of things you're into, like my boyfriend reads almost exclusively sci fi and i recommended three literary fiction books to him, and he really liked them.

you also have to let go of the idea that you SHOULD be reading anything specific. like you dont HAVE to read any "classics" if you dont want to. if you do i can rec some i like but your reading experience is about what YOU like not what other people think you should read

what im getting at here is i can tell you some books that i think are low effort and fun but they might not actually work on YOU since i dont know what kinds of things you like, what things havent worked for you, etc etc. if you want to like refine your question to "books for people who want to get into horror/romance/literary fiction/etc" i could probably give you some more specific titles that you might actually like. godspeed

[themeganator5000]

1, 3, 13, 23!

sorry, this got kinda long lol. it has been a Day.

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

oooohohojhhh babe u know what this is kinda a toughie.

Okay so like content-wise my favorite fic is absolutely “One Night in Portorosso” because that had, in my opinion, some of my funniest jokes and my favorite scientifically-backed tongue descriptions. as all good smut fics should have.

But sentimentally speaking, “Professor” will always hold a special place in my heart for being the first smut fic I ever wrote <3 💕

I was literally so excited after I finished it, I’m gonna paint you an unnecessarily detailed word picture cause I got time and why the fuck not.

Okay so the idea for a Luca-teacher-roleplay smut fic had been tumbling around in my noggin for some time just cause what else am I supposed to be thinking about during longass chemical engineering lectures?? But it was only during my usual 3pm Saturday shower that the first lines hit me and everything just started to flow from there. So naturally I was like ‘DAMN thats good’ and rushed outta the shower and started typing in my notes app the second I sat down in my beanbag chair, hair still sopping wet and dressed in my bath robe. And I just! kept going! for like 5? or so hours I think it was?? Anyway I wrote that whole puppy in one sitting and did not stop until it was dark outside and my entire Saturday was gone. Absolutely worth it, of course.

I remember texting my friends (one of whom is asexual and is unfortunately bound by the laws of friendship to be eternally annoyed by my newfound love of smut) about how proud I was to have actually written smut! like orgasm and all!! (They were proud of me too, if perhaps a bit taken aback, bless their hearts 🥰) Anyway I still had barely eaten at all that day so I had to bike to the nearest open dining hall and I’ll never forget that feeling of exhilaration I felt, riding unreasonably fast through the dark, empty streets of my college campus, and how incredibly shocked and proud and excited and liberated I was because I wrote smut!! And that’s something I can do now!!!! And I actually did a pretty good job too!!!!!!!!!

And I have not stopped writing since <3

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏good question i like this question.

Hhhhhhhhhhhh there are SO MANY lines I like in my writing…….. I honestly just think of funny things for characters to say and then figure out how to make them have sex while saying them.

Okay! Here’s a list of my personal favorites 😎

(These are all from “One Night in Portorosso” cause, as I mentioned, it���s got my favorite stuff in it.)

“‘You’re so full of yourself,’ he chided.

‘Bet you wish you were full of me too.’

God, that was… too fucking corny to make him this hot.”

(Fun fact: it was physically difficult for me not to write ‘too fucking corny to make him this horny’, but I had to stop myself because I didn’t want to distract from the hilarious joke right above that.)

~

“Alberto nodded with determination and started to jog the rest of the way to the water. He then decided to walk the rest of the way to the water, because jogging and raging hard-ons do not mix.”

~

“Well, it was working because Luca was hooked like a herring and preying that Alberto wouldn’t stop licking his dick like that, tasting him from every corner, driving Luca wild with that titillating, tantalizing, texture…”

~

“He did that again, tearing Luca away just to ram him back in again, manhandling him like a popsicle, faster and harder each time.”

~

“Also if you want a sex scene without a bunch of terrible fish puns, then I suggest you get the fuck troutta here.”

(Technically this is from the Author’s Notes, but my fish puns deserve as much publicity as they can get.)

~

“Luca Paguro was going to die here.

Somewhere, deep in his heart, he’d always known that Alberto Marcovaldo would be the death of him.”

(This was my second choice for the fic description, but I didn’t want it to be misinterpreted as something dark because my fic is decidedly anything but.)

~

“‘Uh… it’s a seafolk thing,’ Alberto squinted in his signature expression of false bravado, ‘Y’know, night swimming…’”

(I like this one because I can see it :3)

~

“Oh, fuck it.

Even the worst nightmares can turn into wet dreams.”

(I want this shit on a T-SHIRT!!!)

~

“‘Curious…?’ Alberto tried to meet Luca’s eyes with a devilish smile, but it ended up being a sheepish grin at best, ‘… or kinky?’

Luca fixed Alberto with a much more successful glare, ‘Don’t make me strangle you.’

Now he smirked, ‘… definitely kinky.’”

~

“They got dressed quickly and quietly. Alberto couldn’t help but steal a few more mischievous glances at Luca and he blushed when he noticed Luca doing the same. Cool, Alberto thought, I’m probably not sleeping on the couch tonight, at least.”

~

Actually, going back and skimming through that fic made me realize that the second sex scene in “One Night in Portorosso” is also probably my favorite scene I wrote this year. I liked how I showed Luca’s inner conflicts with himself and I thought there were some pretty cool metaphors in there, too. I’ve said before I’m no poet, just a horny comedian who loves you so much, but I think this scene was probably the most artistically satisfying thing I’ve ever written. 🥰

And now heeeere’s a sneak peak at a lil something-something that I hope to be posting next 😉

(This is such a fun fic, y’all’re gonna love it <3)

“‘Holy shit, babe, you scared me there! I thought you were mad at me or something.”

‘For daydreaming about fucking me? Caro, I fantasize about you constantly. I almost got a boner while you were making bread once.’

‘Making bread?’ Alberto laughed.

‘You were flexing your arms a lot while kneading the dough, okay?’”

~

“‘You ready, lover boy?’

Lover boy. Luca almost fainted.

‘You know I am, uhh… hot stuff…’

Not his best work.”

(You have no idea how tempted I am to change that to ‘hot cock’)

~

“‘Oh, c’mon! I think 16-year-old me did a pretty good job imagining what you’d look like now!’

Luca was in horrible, wheezy, snotty tears on the ground, convulsing with laughter and pounding a fist to the floorboards.”

13. favorite writing song/artist/album of this year

I don’t write to music! It has to be close to dead quiet for me to get into the zone. I think it’s mostly because I tend to say a lot of the dialogue I write out loud to hear if it makes sense and sounds natural. I’m a born actor and my smut is my stage ✨ (god no pls don’t say that)

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

Hmmm okay well I’m not discounting anything yet cause my hyperfixation is still goin strong, but one fic idea that has been haunting me and I have yet to have the inspiration to write is something with Alberto in a Speedo. That’s. that’s really all I got so far. I have a rough idea for a set up, but no real solid ground to get running on. (Yes, this was obviously inspired by that one comic by someonehidethetequila I’m unoriginal we’ve established that.)

But there ARE a lot of things that I HAVE written and they’re DONE, but I haven’t had time to post them because of STUPID SCHOOL!

I swear one of these days I’m just gonna post like twenty things all at once and then you’ll see… you’ll ALL see……. 😈😈😈

Thank you for the ask!! This got insanely long, but it was a nice way to de-stress after an exhausting day of studying for my exams 😌

[nancylou444]

I forgot if i sent it to u or someone else so i'm sending it again anyway

Please Read this to the end and then judge me.

I do not understand at all why you and all other anti destiels dont ship destiel and think that dean is straight and i hate you for that from the bottom of my heart. i mean cant you see how dean truely loves cas and gives no shit about Sam, his brother?and also jensen and writers ship it.

You are so stupid and do not deserve to live in this world period

Read this list below.it may help you take off your anti destiel colored glasses and Accept the truth:which in fact is that Destiel Will become canon.

Reasons Why Destiel Will Definitely Become Canon Before The Show Ends 101:

1.Jensen Ackles: Destiel Doesn't Exist.

2.Jensen Ackles: Because Dean is a lover of the LADIES.

3.Dean will always choose SAM over anyone else.

4.SAM and Dean are soulmates.

5.Castiel: you chose EACHOTHER.

6.Jensen Ackles' Unscripted Frustrated look into the camera in "Fan Fiction" episode.wink wink

7.Jensen Ackles: there wasn't a whole lot of dean and cas storylines in season 9.personally,i kind of enjoyed that.

8.Jensen Ackles: i think the whole dean and cas thing has gotten a little out of proportion.

9.Jensen Ackles: "destiel is real" is it?? Where?? Where is it real??

10.Jensen Ackles: What? What castiel? Nah just me and my pies!

11.Jensen Ackles: We sit down with the writers in a couple weeks. It boils down to these two brothers, that’s the core and the heart of the show, their journey, their fight for each other.

12. “You are homophobic if you don’t ship destiel!"

13.Dean Winchester is fuckin Straight.

14.Eric Kripke : I'm just really interested in guys, STRAIGHT guys who have a tight friendship,they are really fun to write...

15.Dean Winchester: I'm Dean winchester.i enjoy sunsets,long walks on the bitch and frisky WOMEN.

16.Dean Winchester : I dont swing that way.sorry.

17.Dean winchester : yeah sorry again pal i dont play for your team.

18.Dean sold his soul for SAM.

19.Dean died so that he could meet with Death and get SAM’s soul back which of course Castiel left in hell.

20.Dean gave away the Impala and was willing to die with a Croatoan infected SAM.

21.Dean breathed in the poisonous smoke, so that he would die with SAM.

22.Dean wanted out of an AU with Mary and Jessica alive, because AU!SAM didn’t like Dean that much.

23.SAM and Dean made promise to each other, made vows to each other really, in a church.

24.SAM and Dean choose each other over the world, anything, and everything, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

25. Dean refers to SAM as though HE is his spouse (”does he want a divorce?”, “Lucy”...)

26.Dean would rather live in a world WITH demons than live in a world WITHOUT SAM.

27.When Dean forgot everything else, including his own name, he still remembered SAM.

28.Dean : I can’t do it without my brother, I don’t want to 

29.Dean to Sam :You’re the ONLY one who could’ve talked me out of it 

30.Dean to Sam :There ain’t no me if there ain’t no YOU.

31.Dean to Sam :“Because whatever we have between us, love, family, whatever this is, they’re always going to us it against us.”

32.Dean to Sam: “You’re my weak spot SAMMY, and I’m yours”

33.Dean or Sam i dont remember: “All that matters now, all that’s ever mattered, is that we’re together.“

34. Dean to Sam :“Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you!“

35.Dean to Sam : “I made you a promise in that church, you and me, come whatever!”

36.The canon friendship between Dean and Castiel is toxic and borderline-abusive, full of lies, threats, insults, abandonment, beatings, and betrayals.

37. Sam, possessed by the devil himself, took control of his own body and beat Lucifer because Dean was there, because Dean didn’t give up even though he was hurt and covered in blood, because seeing Dean bombarded Sam with the memories of their life together.

38. Dean didn’t leave SAM’s bedside , didn’t bury him, didn’t burn his body, didn’t want to say goodbye, and how later he didn’t hesitate to sell his soul.

39.Dean decided not to go into a box, because SAM asked him not to.

40.SAM and Dean were the ones whom were mistaken with gay couple by several people if that matters.

41.SAM to Dean :“you always put me first. Your whole life”,

42.Dean to SAM: “I know where I am at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you”,

43.Sam or Dean i dont remember:“you know what brought me back? You did”.

44.Dean’s siren-as admitted by the siren herself-was a copy of SAM.

45.Dean told a male cop "you're awsome".OMG!! He is bi!!!

46.Dean fanboyed over a male tv character.Holy Chuck!! He is bi!!

47.Jensen or Jared:“At its core, it’s the story of two brothers.”

48.Jensen or Jared:“At the end of the day, this starts and stops with the brothers.”

49.Jensen or Jared:“When it comes down to it, it’s about these two brothers.”

50.Dean told Castiel to get the hell outta bunker for SAM while he knew he didnt have his angel powers.Damn! Dean truely loves Cas!

51.Dean figured Castiel was too far gone to be convinced back into their group and bound Death to do their bidding. Dean’s order to Death was to kill Castiel where he stood.#couplegoals

52.Castiel blackmailed Dean by torturing SAM.oh dear god!!! What a True Lover!!

53.Castiel Betrayed sam amd DEAN with crowley.but that's what all lovers do Right???

54.This isnt some romantic show.

55. Castiel is a genderless celestial wavelength of light wearing a male vessel.

56.Dean's chemistry with Baby the Impala is far more noticable than the one with Castiel.

57.Sam even once asked Dean and Baby the impala to get a room.

58.The possibility of Dean and Baby the impala to get sexually involved and the two of them having sex in the finale full frontal is far more than the possibility of non existant Destiel to become canon.

59.Destiel shippers are only a tiny minority of the SPN fandom.

60.Jensen Ackles is fucking done with this shit.

61.Dean left Ben and Lisa for SAM.

62.Misha Collins is the only one who queerbaits.

63.Dean in "red meat" described SAM as the man he loved.

64.Dean sang in a colorful background.OMFG!! he is bi!!

65.Jesen ackles : because being with his BROTHER and doing that is the happiest he is.

66.Dean to SAM: "because i couldnt live with you dead"

67.What show you've been watching???

68.Jared : because that would have RUINED the show to make it about something it wasnt about.

69.Dean has kissed and had sex with an angel.her name was Anna

70.Sera Gamble said “supernatural is the epic love story of SAM and dean”

71.Cw_supernatural IG: it has always been two brothers and the open road.

.

.

.

*Manic laughter*

*Aggressively drop the mic*

*The door is over there*

*Boom! Suck it*

*It sucks to be destieheller*

You are very welcome

Btw I'm a Proud anti destiew and a logical SPN fan.

If You think I'm right,then Chuck bless your logical souls and if not,let me find some fucks to give....sorry,none was found.

The begining part was an example of a savage destieheller.it wasn't me😊ignore it.

Yours truly,anon.

=============================

Holy crap, that is one longass ask. An ask I was thisclose to deleting until I skipped to the bottom. 

💖💖💖💖💖

[theladyofdeath]

Alone in the Ashes {20}

A Court of Thorns and Roses fanfction, characters belong to Sarah J Maas. Modern au. Revolves around Nesta x Cassian, Feyre x Rhysand, and Elain x Azriel. Other characters appear throughout. Based on multiple prompts sent in by anons tbr below.

Warning: Mature content. Alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, drugs, sex, language, eating disorders.

For summary & chapter index, click >  Alone in the Ashes {Acotar}

Word Count: 3.0k

A/N: More fluff? “But, Tara, that’s so out of character for you.” “But, Tara, what ever happened with Tamlin?” “TARA WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO WELL” solid questions......

You are the first dream, the only dream I ever was unable to stop myself from dreaming. You are the first dream of my soul, and from that dream I hope will come all other dreams, a lifetime’s worth. - Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

“Show me!” Feyre called, yelling behind the velvet curtain. Mor was trying on bridesmaid dress after bridesmaid dress, giving Feyre her own personal runway show.

Which she deserved. She was the bride-to-be, after all.

“Alright, okay,” Mor muttered from inside of the dressing room. “This one has a low back and a high neckline. And, I must say, my ass looks fantastic.”

Feyre laughed but that laughter faded once Mor came out, because she was right - she looked stunning. It hugged her body without being too risque and the deep, lavender color suited her perfectly.

“I love that,” Feyre said, eyes wide. “It’s perfect. Even the color. That’s our color. That’s your dress. You’re getting that.”

“Am I?” Mor asked.

“Yes, and if you don’t, I’m kicking you out of the bridal party.”

Mor snorted. “Fine. I accept. Now, I’m making you try on dresses.”

“My sisters should be here,” Feyre said, just as she had every other time Mor had suggested otherwise.

“You don’t have to get one today,” Mor said. “Please? Just try on a few then we can go get lunch.”

“Fine,” Feyre groaned, hopping up from the couch she was sitting on. 

The owner of the boutique came over and helped Feyre into a room before Mor, now changed into her shorts and tank top, went crazy, bringing her a handful of dresses.

“Take your time,” Mor called, closing the curtain behind her. “I’ll be sitting right out here, let me know if you need help.”

Feyre sighed, taking in the line up of dresses before her. At first, she slipped on a ballgown, but the moment she stepped out of the dressing room and looked into the mirror, she wanted to yank it off her body and burn it. Too puffy, too frilly. She felt like she was going to prom - been there, done that. She went through two more that even Mor had cringed at before setting her eyes on a slim fit, beaded gown with an open back and a low, sweetheart neckline. It had thin straps and a long, beautiful lace train. 

Feyre slipped it on.

She stepped out of her dressing room and looked into the mirror.

Mor gasped, eyes lined with tears.

“Feyre,” she breathed.

“I know,” Feyre said, shaking her head. “Damn you, Mor! I was supposed to wait for my sisters!”

They both broke into a fit of laughter as Feyre admired the dress in the mirror. It was perfect. It was flawless. There was nothing about it that Feyre didn’t like.

Rhysand wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of her.

She was barely able to keep her hands off of herself.

It was just over her budget; but, she didn’t really care. She wouldn’t be telling Rhysand, who she scolded just the night before about ordering too many flowers - but, she didn’t really care. She would only ever have one wedding dress.

“How long will it take for this dress to come in if I ordered it today?” Feyre asked. 

The owner went to a little computer where she typed away for a minute before saying, “Six months.”

All the breath left Feyre’s body.

But Mor wasn’t taking that shit.

“There isn’t any way it can get in sooner?” Mor asked. “Can she buy the one she has on and have it fitted? She’s getting married in October and that dress needs to be on her body when the day comes.”

The owner looked back and forth between Mor and Feyre. 

Her lips thinned. “I will see what I can do.”

She went back to work on her computer as Mor snapped an endless string of pictures on her phone of Feyre in her dress, which she promised to send to Elain.

Five minutes later, Elain had sent a reply: G E T  I T  N O W

Amren’s replying text was similar: If she doesn’t get that dress I will break in after hours and steal it for her.

If Elain approved, it was a must.

If Amren was talking about breaking the law, it wasn’t unusual, but it was still a must. 

The owner was still trying to figure out a way to get it in sooner, now speaking to someone on the phone in hushed tones. 

Feyre looked in the mirror, again. It was beautiful. Stunning. She could imagine it, paired with a simple pair of heels and a long, simple veil. She could picture Rhysand’s face as she walked toward him in the dress. He would watch her with wide, teary eyes, and a small smile, full of utter adoration. 

It was the dress.

Half an hour had passed before the owner rejoined them. The elderly woman sighed, as if all of her energy had been sucked away. “I can get it here in two months-”

Feyre heard nothing else because Mor had jumped up, off the couch, and was running to Feyre with her arms wide open. Laughing, Feyre let Mor embrace her, all while picturing her wedding day. 

What a perfect day it would be.

~~~~~

Cassian had gone for a jog along the Sidra, listening to his hype playlist through his earbuds. It was a perfect Sunday afternoon. The sun was bright, high in the sky, not a cloud to be seen. The flowing waters of the Sidra were sparkling beside him. 

Even Bryaxis had a little pep in his step, when usually he was trailing behind Cassian and whining after a mile.

They stopped near a little park where Cassian plopped down in the grass, Bryaxis beside him. After taking a drink from his water bottle, he squirted some into Bryaxis’ mouth, too, when his phone went off.

Nesta’s name popped up on his screen.

All of these movies you’re making me watch from the 80s are weird as fuck.

Cassian smiled at his screen before typing back, Which one are you watching now?

It was no secret that Cassian loved movies, so when Nesta asked for recommendations, he had given her a longass list and a giant stack from his personal collection. She had been living with Elain for about two weeks now, and was loving her sister’s company. Cassian hadn’t seen her much, though. He helped her move in, as he promised he would, but he was aware she needed space for now, and he was okay giving her that.

Didn’t keep them from having little text conversations nearly every day, though. 

The Lost Boys, she sent back, with a little vampire emoji.

What?? Cassian texted. It’s a classic!

Oh, please, she replied. It’s obvious why you’re such a fan.

Bryaxis had climbed onto his owner’s lap and Cassian was scratching his head, between his ears, when he sent, And why is that?

It took her a minute to reply in which Cassian used to stretch out his long, sweaty legs. 

Then the reply came: Bc you’re basically Michael

Cassian cocked his head to the side, even though she wasn’t around to see it. Untrue.

He could imagine her rolling her eyes. Especially when he got her text back. Long hair, motorcycle, thinks he’s hot as shit? Yeah, you’re Michael.

Cassian looked down at Bryaxis. “Nesta’s being mean, Ax.”

Bryaxis’s tail went wild at the mention of her name.

Cassian’s only reply was, I am hot as shit.

Nesta replied with the eye-rolling emoji.

Then, she sent, I’m almost done with the stack you gave me, and as weird as they may be, I wouldn’t mind if you brought me some more?

Before Cassian could reply, Nesta followed the text with, Maybe tomorrow? If you’re not busy after work.

Cassian looked back down to Bryaxis as he grinned. He didn’t know why he was grinning, felt ridiculous at grinning to himself and his dog in the middle of a crowded park, but he couldn’t stop that stupid little grin.

Sure. I’ll be over around 6?

Six gave him enough time to run home, shower, and grab another stack of DVDs she would surely be calling weird as fuck in no time. 

Cassian finished stretching, did thirty sit-ups, and was back on his feet, Bryaxis’s leash in hand when Nesta replied: Perfect.

~~~~~

Elain looked at her phone, where she had set a timer.

It had only been fifteen seconds.

The bathroom was small, but she paced back and forth relentlessly. She had chugged half a gallon of water, Nesta watching her curiously as she did so, before excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

They had been watching some vampire movie from the 80s. Not exactly Elain’s thing. She was glad for any excuse that politely removed her from the room.

Even if said excuse was anxiety ridden. 

Another glance at her phone.

Thirty seconds.

Her pacing continued, her fingers drumming wildly against her thighs.

It wouldn’t be the worst thing, right? I mean...Azriel would be great, of course, but it certainly wasn’t ideal. They had only been dating a few months, only began sleeping with each other the month before.

If it was true, it must have happened that first night, or one of the nights soon after.

It was too soon.

Elain’s anxiety shot through the roof.

She looked at her phone.

Forty-five seconds.

Two minutes felt like a lifetime when everything was on the line.

She was only a week late, but even when she was barely eating, her period had always remained normal - perfectly spaced out, returning like clockwork the third week of every month.

Her eyes met her phone.

One minute down.

One minute to go.

“It’s okay,” she breathed, shaking out her hands, as if that would somehow make the situation better. “It’s alright. Breathe.”

By the Cauldron, what if it was positive?

Would it really be okay?

Azriel would freak out, without a doubt.

He already had Mila. She couldn’t add more onto his plate.

She looked at her phone. 

One minute, twenty seconds.

But he was so good with Mila. He would be an amazing father. So gentle and kind, so loving and passionate. 

But would he want to have kids with Elain?

She imagined he hadn’t even thought about such a thing yet. Elain hadn’t even thought about it, not until she went eight days over her start day without her period.

For the Mother’s sake, they hadn’t even used the word love with one another yet. 

Phone.

One minute, forty-seconds.

Elain couldn’t breathe. She slumped down to the floor, on top of the gray, fluffy rug, and closed her eyes.

In, out.

In, out.

Don’t panic.

Panic doesn’t help.

But she couldn’t help it. Her eyes began to water, the tears trickling down her pale cheeks.

She suddenly had a feeling that everything was about to change. She was a woman. She knew her body. Either it had gone into shock with all the lifestyle changes she had made in the recent weeks, or this was all real. 

Her timer went off, and her eyes shot open. 

She took her phone off the counter and silenced the timer.

Then, with a shaky hand, she pulled the test off the counter. 

Pregnant.

She read it twice, ten times, twenty times, that single word the only word she could think of.

She was pregnant.

Pregnant.

With child.

With Azriel’s child.

A fist pounded on the door, scaring Elain shitless. She swore, quietly, scrambling up from the floor. 

“Hey, it’s Az. Nesta said you came upstairs. I assume you’re in there, since….well, you’re not anywhere else up here. Hope you don’t mind me coming by early. I dropped Mila off with Mor and Feyre to look for a flower girl dress. I was told I’m not allowed to see it before the wedding day, so...”

Elain took a deep breath, hoping her voice remained steady when she said, “Hey! Oh, I’m just...fixing my contacts.”

A pause. “Okay. I’ll go downstairs and wait with Nesta. I’ll catch the end of The Lost Boys.”

“Great,” Elain said, and her voice broke.

Azriel didn’t move from the other side of the door. She could see the shadows from his feet. “You okay? You sound upset.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” she promised him, although she obviously wasn’t. “Just a little emotional today.”

“Alright,” Azriel said, uncertainly. “Can I open the door?”

“I’m naked,” she blurted.

“While putting in contacts?” Azriel said, huffing a laugh. “Not that it’s anything I haven’t seen before.”

The doorknob turned, and Elain cursed herself for not locking the door.

She quickly hid the test stick behind her back as he came in.

He took one look at her red cheeks, her blurry eyes, and frowned. “Hey…”

She was frozen in place as he stepped toward her, as he took her face into his hands and wiped away her tears. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, and Azriel pulled her into his arms.

His body stilled.

He was taller than her by quite a bit, no doubt looking down as she planted her face into his chest.

Down at Elain’s hands, behind her back, gripping the test so hard that her knuckles were white.

Azriel reached around her and took it from her hands. He stepped back, looking down at it.

Pregnant.

He took a step back, studied it as if he wasn’t seeing it correctly. 

His face was unreadable. 

Elain’s hands flew over her mouth as she broke into a sob. 

Azriel’s gaze jerked up, his eyes widened as she cried. “Hey, hey, no..”

He set the test down on the counter and pulled Elain into his arms. He held her tightly against him as she wept. 

“I’m sorry,” she choked out, voice muffled against his shirt. 

“About what?” he whispered. “You don’t have to apologize, El. Okay? Don’t apologize.”

She nodded, and when she looked up at him, his hazel eyes shone. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.”

He hesitated, his hands still rubbing her back. “I’m not….I’m in shock, I guess. But, I’m not….mad, Elain, I think you think I’m mad.”

She took a deep, shaky breath and nodded. “I’m in shock, too.”

“Okay,” he breathed. “Well, that’s good.”

Elain laughed, softly. “How is that good?”

“Pretty sure shock is normal in these situations,” he said, quietly.

All the tension left Elain’s shoulders. “I’m scared.”

“About what?” he asked, voice low.

“All of it,” she said. “Carrying a child, birthing a child, and everything that comes after that. And you...Azriel…” Her words trailed off, but Azriel didn’t say anything. He watched her and waited, patiently. “You would be an amazing dad, Az, but I don’t want to trap you.”

His brows furrowed as he brushed her newly fallen tears away. “Is that what you think? That I would stay with you because you’re pregnant? Or, that I would even want to leave you in the first place?”

Elain looked down. She shrugged. She wasn’t sure what she thought, wasn’t sure how to sort her thoughts. 

Azriel lifted her chin back up with his fingers. “Do you want to have this baby?”

It was the same question that Elain had stayed up the night before asking herself, over and over again. If it’s positive, do you want to keep it? Elain laid her palms flat against his chest, feeling the hard muscle beneath. Although afraid, she felt completely confident when she answered, “Yes.”

Azriel smiled, tentatively, and nodded. “Then I’m going to be here, okay? You’re not trapping me, Elain. You couldn’t trap me if you tried. I know we’ve been together for a few months, and we’re still in that honeymoon stage, and I won’t pretend that I know what the future holds....But I do know that I love you.” He kissed her forehead. “And I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to do this, and it’s going to be okay, okay?” 

Elain laid her palm against his cheek, brushing away the tear he had that fell. “You love me?”

She knew Azriel, knew he didn’t say things unless they were true. And, after talking with Mor, she knew Azriel had never said that word to another woman. 

Azriel’s eyes softened. “I do. But, you don’t have to-”

“I love you, too,” she breathed, interrupting his modesty. 

And it was true.

Yes, she had loved Graysen, but it was a false love. She loved the idea of Graysen, loved the life they had built, but it wasn’t true, Graysen had proven that in the end.

But with Azriel…

Azriel was truth, kindness, gentleness, passion, genuity, love. He was everything she needed for herself, all wrapped up into one, perfectly imperfect man. 

And she loved that about him.

She loved him.

He smiled down at her, and it was one of those smiles that she had only seen a handful of times from him. His teeth showed, his eyes went bright, his plump lips curved upward. That smile...it was an image that Elain kept in her memory for her darkest of days. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tag List (to be tagged, comment or send me an ask!)

@throne-of-ashes-and-beauty  @starkovsnesta​   @redisriding​  @photofeesh

@mariamuses​   @tswaney17    @amaranthas-whore​   @awesomelena555

@danika-defendyr​  @rachaels14 @faequeenaelin​  @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn​

@hashtolanashoba  @poisonous00​  @chemicha @samotita​

@mynewdreamwasyou​ @humming-asong​  

@candid-confetti @awkward-avocado-s​  @sensitiveillyrian​

@my-fan-side @queen-of-glass​  @stars-falling​

@ifangirlninja  @sleeping-and-books  @burritowithfeels

@morebooks-pls @kindofawalkingpoem​

@sannelovesreading @empressnesrynfaliq​

@halstudies @sleeping-and-books​ @alwayss-reading​

@amren-courtofdreams  @b00kworm​

@wifeofchrishemsworth​  @booksstorm​

@goldr0ses @blackjacks-donuts​

@humanexile  @over300books​

@booksbooksbooksworld  @starrynightsbooks​

@girl-who-reads-the-books

@mis-lil-red

@shhhimreading03​

@emilyrose111294​

@negativenesta​

@argentumstella​

@itsme-malin

@flora-and-fae​

@feyrethedarklady​

@starryandbooks​

@gingerglides​  @candid-confetti​

@gloriouspaintercreatorbandit​ @iliketoasterstrudels​

@6255igntm​  @moondancer-204​

@littlehoneyybee​  @acourtofbookworms​

@the-regal-warrior​

@awkward-avocado-s​  @nightcourtcinnamonroll​

@aelin-rowan-whitehorn​ @bamchickawowow​

@julemmaes​  @itsme-malin

@regular-nessian-trash​  @made-of-stardust-and-wanderlust

@ugh-avila​  @awkward-avocado-s​

@superspiritfestival  @the-dark-swan​  @girlgotattitude448​  @eversincebeirut​

@midnightrose-reader​  @lord-douglas-the-third​  @thestarguidingyouhome​

@empress-ofbloodshed​  @starkovsnesta​ @nickjgoodsell​

Prompts:

{ “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole” - Feysand } -anonymous

{ “How about Nessian needing to fake date when they go home for the holidays?!” } - anonymous

{ “could u pls do like an elriel fic where azriel is like this mysterious bad boy and elain is a goody two shoes lik aaaaa i cant get that image out of my head” } - anonymous

[sixeyesgojo]

Hey! How are you? Sorry to bother you but i have a question, is it narcissistic to say that you love yourself? Because my friends keep telling me this and I feel conflicted. I think it's self confidence but they're saying otherwise.

Hey hey hey! I'm doing fine, thanks for asking! How are you? Hope you’re still somewhat okay, despite your own friends saying such things about you.

First of all, I wanna say that I am no therapist & I don’t know the whole story, you merely provided me a detail that could mean a thousand things. Since I do not know you at all, I’d rather not assume stuff about you, so take all this with a grain of salt. By no means do I mean any of this in a condescending way or anything, so I apologize in advance if it comes off rude. This is just me being blunt as usual and what I, personally, think.

Generally speaking, the act of saying that you love yourself is not narcissistic. If anything, I believe it stems from self-confidence and self-love, which I deem very important aspects of life. It’s not a bad thing at all, but there are people who just take it too far. Unfortunately, I had the displeasure of being involved with a narcissist (toxic gamer boys uwu <3). But (!!) I also have friends who say they love themselves, mostly in a joking tone. And that’s definitely not narcissism. There are many factors to consider in this. It’s fine to love yourself, as long as it doesn’t make others uncomfortable or unseen/unheard by you.

However, as I said, I don’t know the whole story here. (And this is not an order to tell me about yourself, but feel free to provide more details if you feel like there is need for that after reading this longass post.)

On the one hand, I’d say your friends know you better than me.

On the other hand I know too well that people, doesn’t matter if friends or not, can and will misinterpret words/actions. Or they will use big words they don’t entirely understand, such as narcissism, instead of alternatives.

Here’s my advice:

take some time off from social activities: I’m not saying to completely stop interacting or anything but putting in some distance may help you get a clearer headspace, which is important for the next step.

self-reflection: think thoroughly whether any past behavior has shown any narcissist tendencies. Making a list with two columns may help you: “+” (pro arguments) and “-” (contra arguments).

research: You may want to research narcissism in order to help you self-reflect, to understand the topic better. That does NOT mean to self-diagnose (that shit is dangerous).

confront your friends about it: I know this one is very hard but if you don’t do it, you will never be certain. Ask them to provide you examples when you were narcissist, and I don’t only mean times when you’ve said “you love yourself”.

I mean behavior like:

Expecting people to see you as superior (even without any legit reason)

Do you require constant admiration? Excessive admiration?

Do you constantly take advantage of someone to get what you want?

Do you need to always hear how great you are? Do you get angry when you don’t?

Do you believe others envy you?

Do you want everything to be about you?

etc.

These are just some behaviors that I listed from the top of my head. Most of them probably can be found when you google narcissism.

Again, I am not a therapist. If you think you may fall into the narcissist category, please consider seeking out a trusted doctor to confirm.

Something to keep in mind: I already mentioned people will use big words they don’t entirely understand, so confronting your friends is the most crucial (but also most uncomfortable) step you have to take. There’s a fat chance they meant you’re cocky or something like that. In that case, it would be highly inappropriate of them to accuse you of being narcissist because that’s a serious condition that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Another thing to consider is the tone of voice they used while telling you that. Was it lighthearted? Was it dull? Was it annoyed? Was it joking?

Finally, I don’t think merely stating you love yourself is a toxic act. However, I do lack details, so I can’t really make a judgement here. All I did was give advice. Also, I wanna say that I’m sorry that this happened to you. Must be hard to hear that. If you choose to follow my advice, then I wish you best of luck.

Stay strong, anon!