#THE WORLD HAS ALWAYS BURNED
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
anybody else feeling. a way. about the state of the world
#mlm scams and horrible new yorker articles that were sent to me and ai and just bleh.#i hate.. fake intelligence. fake business. poor writing. and all of it for money. what is that fucking worth really#also even looking at this damn cereal box is making me.. blegh. “keto friendly high protein gluten free grain free soy free wheat free--”#SHUT UPPPPPP#WHY ISNT EVERYTHING LIKE THAT HUH. WHY IS EVERYTHING BULLSHIT#AND IT'S ALWAYS ALL BEEN BULLSHIT MAAAAAN THAT'S THE GODDAMN THING#THE WORLD HAS ALWAYS BURNED#i just wanna bake some fucking bread make some damn tea and read a damn good book#lessons of the hand and the mouth#ok to rb
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
bee's protective nature over anyone persists even as a ghost & i think he sometimes forgets or doesn't care that only star can see him (sadly no touch tho) & will start shouting & angrily try standing between people who are mad at starscream even tho he can't be seen, he just wants to try & help anyways bcs STOP IT >:(!! BE NICE !!!! cried the ghost no one can hear or see except for the poor guy getting yelled at & trying to overhear the conversation over bee's frantic rebuttals while trying to discreetly let bee know it's ok while ALSO trying not to look Insane .
continued attempt at a 4am drawn doodle comic below
i might draw detailed later but yeah i just wanted to give yall this headcanon bcs i love starbee so much... the nagging wives finally finding their true loves... another nagging wife.
' you .. do know only i can hear and see you, unfortunately, right? or are you starting to go loopy, because i don't need another insane figure haunting me. I have enough already, as you can try and fail to imagine, little bee . '
' trust me, im Well aware .. of everything you just said . .. but i just. i couldn't just Stand there and do Nothing while someone talked to you like You were Nothing . that's not the autobot way. that's not- my way . '
' . . . '
#starbee#transformers#maccadam#tf idw#transformers idw#bumblebee#starscream#bee posting paragraphs of opinions no one cares abt to his new twitter after his old one got sniped#for telling megatron to offline himself#except no one gets notifs when he follows them except for starscream for some reason so#starscream is bee's only follower but bee keeps posting paragraphs abt anything anyways#' atp just dm me bee.' ' OPTIMUS. CaN YOU BELiEVE HE SAID THIS TO ME????? I CANNOT BE- ' optimus has never touched twitter in his life#jazz made and controls his twitter for him but no one knows bcs jazz uses it to roleplay as optimus and mourns bee being dead#bee keeps commenting hes not dead but jazzOptimus never gets the notification & hes rlly popular so rip bee#i love starbee bcs starbee is when theyre both cringe but free#when the foils meet and have fun the world burns but i am at peace bcs i love them so fking much#anyways um hiii if u guys see this and wanna be moots hiiiiii id love to be moots pls just comment hi or smthing#i need tf friends sobad#sorry for drawing bee like hes princess peach but im not bcs he is indeed my princess#he is my beautiful princess disorder#starscream social distancing from ppl & making ppl think hes an even bigger awkward jerk (he is) but rlly it's to give bee#space to stand between the conversators with his hands on his hips to exchange glares between the two#or just so starscream can see his opinions on the guy hes talking to better#'i think' 😾 that's a'😾 ' it's a gorgeous' 😾 i dont Like that Guy starscre'PLAN'#( um.. why are you shouting..) ' ...... NO.REASON. ' bee in a corner whistling somewhere#starscream grinding his fucking teeth#hes so fking annoyed at his ego being hampered by this hauntful creature but also it's so worth it to see bee be brought out of that#smiley ' lets go autobots!! yes sir optimus sir! ' shell he always puts on for everyone else so it brings starscream away from his#egotistical shell as well and they just both encourage growth from each other by being silly and cute and WAGHH TOGETHER#WAGHHH WAGHHH I LOVE STARBEE WRAGHHH!!!!!!!
71 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ranata Suzuki // Brenna Twohy, 'A Coworker Asks Me If I Am Sad, Still' // Braelyn Wilson, 'Counting Stars' // Starpeace // Suzy Kassem, 'Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem'
#luffy cursed/blessed by the narrative to keep coming across pieces of his dead brother in the places he's been and the people that loved him#meanwhile ace survivors guilt abysmal self-worth girlie it has cursed you such that your life matters. it has always mattered#keep thinking about how ace was yamato's only friend in the world too. having to watch that card burn out knowing he couldn't do anything#one piece#op#CJ's op watch-through#portugas d ace#asl brothers#monkey d. luffy#monkey d luffy#straw hat luffy#wano spoilers#one piece spoilers#yamato#webweaving
158 notes
·
View notes
Text
Do we think odysseus's thoughts are almost stuck in quick thought from how often Athena popped up into his head? Because I absolutely do
#Athena#Odysseus#Quick thought#Epic the musical#It happened slowly#Odysseus didn't notice at first#Everything started happening quicker for odysseus. Now he's always been quick both on his feet and his mind in how he draws his arrows but#Lately things have felt a little different#Almost as if he was a second ahead of everybody else and then as the years went by he started to notice the drag more and more#How it felt like the quick thought was stretching out longer and longer after Athena left#During the war it seemed like years would past before he was back in sync with the world#And the thing is odysseus recognizes that being touched by a god has changed him made him...different but he didn't care#It was cool it was an advantage it bound him to Athena proof that they were friends that he could handle having a goddess of war in his lif#It won't be till much later that it'll burn because. /shes not here/ but the hint of quick thought remains and#It burns because so many gods have been playing with him not as a friend or a mentor but just. Because they could because they wanted to#It burns because he can see calypso reach for him second before she does and if he flinches....#It burns because it's just another reminder of things he's lost and he misses his friend and he wants to go home but#It's been years and still his mind is a a few seconds ahead of the world and it. Hurts. So much it hurts#The only time it ever stopped was with penelope and diomedes telemachus. Athenas other chosen. Being around them#It was the only time odysseus felt normal#Not me using the tags to write out a whole ass story#Might actually turn this into a fic
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
Arthur Bennett was chemically made in a lab for me to go insane over I think. he’s got a guilt only an older sibling could have and a drive for vengeance that is half driven by his own self hatred. yet still he strives for peace. he’s desperate to cling to any humanity, any hope. he’s aware he’s fallible. it doesn’t save him
#he’s also a fuckin vampire sniper dude#tell me that’s not the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. I’ll wait#ok but fr#it’s that he’s so desperate and so angry and he wants so desperately to bring about peace but he just fails#he becomes so unrecognizable at the end and it’s so tragic bc you can see every moment he could have chosen different. but he doesn’t#he’s self aware of his failings and that’s part of his failings ironically enough#and that combo of older sibling guilt and survivor guilt and I’ve done terrible things guilt is fuckin unreal#he wants to be human and live in the sun and have this world of peace. but it’s a future he’d burn down for the twins without question#there’s no way he should have made it out of that arena. he’s always ready to sacrifice himself for the twins (for his younger siblings) bu#he just always survives. that seems to be his curse. so now he has to live with himself. now he has to face a future and try to get better#or fall further down. and I’m obsessed with him because as much as he could get better he really could just get so much worse#he knows he has the monster inside of him. he knows what to avoid. he knows what he could have become. and still he becomes it#if you saw this on twt hi lol#jrwi#jrwi the suckening#the suckening#the suckening spoilers#jrwi spoilers#arthur bennett#z speaks
61 notes
·
View notes
Text
I go back and forth on being understanding and upset that people don't know/forget that Melina's dagger (Blade of Calling) is found in a one-room, guarded, prison that was built inside the elevator lift that goes to a place no one is supposed to go to anymore (Consecrated Snowfields/Forbidden Lands SoG)
And there's this item on a corpse right outside the room
Official's Attire Grubby blue robe worn by magisterial officials to carry out their grim tasks. Surveillance, executions, gruesome rituals... The darkest duties drive the wheels of mankind.
And here's the description for the Blade of Calling
Blade of Calling Dagger given to one who set out on a journey to fulfill her duty long ago. The power of its former owner, the kindling maiden, is still apparent. The one who walks alongside flame, Shall one day meet the road of Destined Death.
We know that Melina was born at the base of the Erdtree, she was given her duty by Marika, and remembers quotes from her mother. And yet she doesn't remember what it's like to have a loving mother
Melina about Boc: "I think he misses his mother. He wants someone to tell him he's beautiful. Does being born of a mother... Mean one behaves in such a manner?"
I also find it interesting that Melina was given this purpose but now is not doing it for Marika, but for herself and she talks a lot about how she wants to see this world change for the better. Ex.:
Melina: However ruined this world has become, however mired in torment and despair, life endures. Births continue. There is beauty in that, is there not?
My own personal theory is that Marika knew that her first daughter was destined to burn the Erdtree and that scared Marika, so she locked her away and Melina died in that room. I know that doesn't explain the burn marks on her skin or why Melina has a claw/talon mark over her closed eye that goes away when we don't use Death/Giant's Flame but Frenzied Flame. And no I do not think Melina is/was the Gloam Eyed Queen.
#melina#roodle talks elden ring#elden ring#shadow of the erdtree#i love her so much#i read her as someone who knows the world needs to change#via a self sacrifice since this is elden ring#and also marika did not want her age to end#and every other tarnished that close to burning the tree couldnt because they felt bad for their maiden#i.e. vyke and bernahl#and so melina knows someone has to kick off the end and that it has to be her after all shes already bodyless#but omg she was locked in a secret room with no light and a person always on guard#and its a nice room but omg what a horrible way to live#always under surveillance
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to be sappy on main but man i have some of the coolest clients i’m gonna sob actual angels in my DMs paying me fairly for honest work 😭
#james txt.#this one in particularly is always extra kind and so so patient#been working on something for him that i don’t normally offer & it’s loads of work & i’ve been burned out & he has been#so patient & every time i update him he checks in to make sure i’m not pushing myself too hard ;-;#genuine sweetheart#i cropped out a lot of what he said bc it was all nice things but it’s a surprise gift piece & there’s spoilers ALDJSKAK#also sharing this bc we always see horror stories of bad clients#and those stories are important to share so ppl remain on their toes & recognize bad behavior#but i wanna celebrate some good stuff too 🥹#‘there’s some good in this world mr frodo’ etc etc etc!!!
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh new season of the boys i expected so much from you and got almost nothing
#this season is tragically flat#i dont care about any of the storylines#the politics this season are BAD#and look i know it has been political from the start i am not a fool#it has always been political#HOWEVER#in s3 it was still very clearly a metaphor#that was what made it satisfying and clever#in s4 all of that is out the window#homelander dropping the trans/groomer rhetoric in ep1 BEFORE he meets sage? like what the hell#he has never cared about politics#a man who wants the world to burn would not care about the president#its so out of character and weird#and frenchie's plotline is dumb#kimiko's is forgotten#hughie's is just random and unnecessarily hurtful to him#annie is just getting nerfed again#the only interesting arc is a-train#everyone else is moving in a straight line#i could write a full article i stg#the boys
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy birthday to Nintendo's unexpectedly nuanced princess!
#Celiné#celine#fire emblem#fe17#celine is actually such an interesting character#like being trained for when her brother inevitably dies so she has to take the throne#and she's also justice fulled and ruthless#which I was not expecting but was such a cool turn#she will wage war if she thinks its in her nations best interests#she will burn the world to protect her friends and family and country#like dang#what a girlboss but in a bad? or at least neutral way#also her love for her brother and protection of him always gets me like she loves her barbarian sickly victorian child of an older brother#the best blonde Nintendo princess (zelda and peach got nothing on her! (kidding don't grab pitchforks 😅))#creativesplat draws#Fire emblem engage
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
there is something so entirely fucked about Louis’ psyche… look at it all! the physical beatings to an obscene degree, the damaging affairs, the psychological warfare, the public humiliation, the participation in the murder of their only beloved daughter. Lestat does this all to him, or a significant amount even if memory is playing its wicked games. Lestat is a vicious horrible thing with his teeth marks on every part of Louis and yet even with decades of freedom, a new partner, the ability to recognise and condemn cruelty and abusive actions, Louis still wants him back. Knowing what he is, what he can do, Louis wants him back. It never mattered if vampires can dream, for Lestat haunts his waking days, a torturous vision of the only living one Louis really loves.
#LOUIS GIRL YOU’RE INSANE??????????#lestat is so fucked and unhealthy but like Louis wants him??? I feel like people brush past that a lot#this isn’t a tortured young woman in a basement refusing to leave because she can’t handle freedom#this is knowing freedom and ‘better’ (armand is a liar and batshit too! but I doubt he’s throwing louis off towers rn)#feeling freedom for DECADES being told you can get out and do better#after basically being tortured by a guy who you loudly proclaim to hate#but you want him. you love him. he haunts you. you’d give the world for him back. even after everything he did#lestat is the type of man to burn up the entire world. louis is the type of man to see all the bodies and take him back anyway#louis has two deaths that mark his conscience but otherwise. otherwise…#louis will never forgive what happened to claudia. but he will take lestat back. and love him.#the real pain was that she was right! it was lestat for louis. always. and he never ever ever ever wanted his daughter dead#he loved her adored her. he did. it was never enough love. he loved her truly though#but somehow at the same time. it was always going to be lestat. fuck!!!!!!!#louis my complicated angel!! they will try flatten you but I see all your horrid glory#amc iwtv#iwtv#iwtv spoilers#jacob anderson#sir you need all of the emmys. this is the performance of a lifetime. im gonna go listen to bloodsport brb
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
At First Glance Part III
Fanfic Inspired by: https://www.tumblr.com/eternalremorse/751163260305342464/seb-x-mc-coded?source=share
1.1K+ words
Chapter 2 <<<||| Chapter 3 |||>>>Chapter 4
...At Feldcroft
The Feldcroft home visit went worse than Sebastian expected.
Not only was his uncle rude to him and rash when he destroyed the shivelfig he brought for Anne, Solomon completely embarrassed him in front of his best friend. Anger and shame filled him like never before and he found himself leaving the house before he could make things worse.
Since that’s all he could do when he went home apparently.
Sebastian kicked a few weeds here and there, walking away from that house he was forced to call home since he was six. He hated his uncle. He hated it here. He hated the fact that he told MC to give him a moment when she went looking for him. He could only watch from the corner of his eyes as she nodded back with an “okay�� before she made her way back to his uncle’s house where hopefully Anne could do damage control.
Because apparently all he could do was cause chaos whenever he came home.
And all he could hope for was that MC would still be friends with him after this embarrassing episode. The last thing he wanted her to see him was weak as he held back his tears from the angry and hurt he felt whenever his uncle would act like this.
Then when she came up to talk to him, it seemed as if his worries were for nought. She was worried for him. While he had to explain how Solomon was like this all the time, how he was the only one who still seem to care to try to find a cure for his sister or at least make her current state better, MC never saw him as less, glanced at him as a misfit that everyone –even Ominis– did.
MC saw him as himself.
As a brother trying to save his sister.
Sebastian wasn’t hesitant to take her to the place where it all happened. Hoping that maybe she would be able to find something he couldn’t before. Nor was he hesitant to attack when he spotted Ranrok’s loyalists.
The two quickly shifted into their dueling stance when they partnered up, knowing this time there was something bigger to lose than pride here. It was here that Sebastian could finally let out all his frustration, his hurt, his anger at the very beings that caused his life to spiral downwards since Anne was cursed.
He tried to keep his best friend close to him, but soon the number overwhelmed them and they were split. Emotions powered his magic.
Sebastian wasn’t going to lose another loved one here. Not again.
It was here where he was also reminded who he was fighting with as he saw her Ancient Magic be put on display when he took down the last of his attackers that surrounded him.
MC’s eyes glowed a bright blue as she called down lighting on the commander who refused to yield, like some goddess out of a story book. The goblin commander still stood and continued to fight, but Sebastian saw that lighting blue flash of light again –the same one from he saw during that troll fight– strike the red-glowing goblin commander. He glowed purple.
A blink later, he was gone.
Nothing but ash in his place.
So awed by her display of god-like power this time around, he didn’t even notice the goblin behind her until she was wacked in the head with a frying pan and collapsed.
While Sebastian didn’t have god-like power, he had enough magic in him, enough anger to confringo the menace to death before he ran to his friend, hoping he wasn’t too late.
“Please be alive, please be alive –oh thank th’gods ye’re still breathing!” He heard himself say as he rolled her onto her back. There was a goose-egg swell that already started to develop on the side of her head.
It was a heavy reminder that for as much of a goddess in human form MC was with her Ancient Magic powers, at the end of the day, she was still human.
MC could still be killed.
Sebastian didn’t know what to do other than hold her, watch her breathe as a reminder that she was still alive. It wasn’t until she woke up that he felt all the tension leave his body like a ghost no longer processing him.
“Se-Sebastian?” She said as she opened her eyes, blinking at him.
“I’m here. How are you feeling darling?” He sniffed, never more grateful than the fact that she was alive.
That she was still here.
Sebastian didn’t lose her.
“I feel like I got wacked with a pan.” She groaned. Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh, the nerves finally getting to him.
“Good tae see that you’re still up tae make jokes. And tae remember what happened.” He said as he gave her space to slowly sit up, arms ever ready to catch her in case she fell.
“If I’m doing down, I’m– shite. Sebastian are you okay?” She said.
“A’m fine. Why dae ye ask?” He said, unable to stop the Scots accent from slipping into his posh English speech anymore.
MC frowned as she placed her hand on his cheek and wiped the tears he didn’t realize was there. “You’re crying.”
Sebastian couldn’t help himself as he pulled her in for a hug, inhaling her citrus orange perfume in, listening to her heartbeat as he laid his head against her chest. Listening to her breathe.
It was the most wonderful sound in the world.
“Ah thought ye died.” He cried as he broken down.
Her arms surrounded him, rocking him as if he was a little boy. Holding him like the six-year-old boy in him needed when his parents died.
She’s alive. She’s alive. She’s alive. He thought with each breath as she rubbed his back, soothing away a nightmare he didn’t want to re-live through again.
Never again.
…
Chapter 2 <<<||| Chapter 3 ||| >>> Chapter 4
#at first glance#Kay9Leo Fanfic#A Sebastian's POV fic made to better understand how he ticks#sebastian sallow#sebastian x mc#hogwarts legacy#Tbh with this part of the fanfic written it makes it easier to understand why he calls MC ignorant in the game#Like he knows that we haven't been in the magical world for long and he lived long enough that he has personal beef with goblins#but not long enough or mature enough or had enough interactions other than violence with goblins#that it is hard for him to see that not all of them are bad when all of his experience with them is bad/ended badly#and in his mind HE IS looking out for MC and is wondering how they can ignore the number of times they were nearly killed by them#Sebastian such an awesome character because of how imperfect he is#He is also a gray character; his first priority is to those that he cares for and he'll let the world or himself burn#if it means his loved ones are safe#unfortunately he doesn't go about showing how he cares in the right way#And he is above all a teen boy#and MC here is also a teen girl#teens don't always make the best decisions they are still developing emotionally and need guidance from mature adults#poor sebastian#Edited: Note that I changed up the chapters length to match up to what I have posted on AO3#And also due to the titles of each chapter matching to the themes within each chapter#Nothing new just moving stuff around
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's the middle of the night and I'm going to work tomorrow again. Low mood and problems and stuff, so I'm gonna post a little pic of Fizzarolli's little beautiful, enamored face to comfort myself cause he's my comfort character and I love him so much, look at him. He's so pretty.
#when your comfort character has been burned alive and amputated#sounds about right#Fizzarolli#Fizz#Helluva Boss#I love him so much though#He's such a cutie patootie#He's so soft and squishy#And he deserves the world#I want to hold him and pinch his little cheeks#Honest to God it's hard to remember that Fizz is probably like in his 30s when he's always so tiny and pretty and squishy#Stay squishy#Typing more in tags than the actual post#Hello to anyone who's reading these
20 notes
·
View notes
Photo
#parallax#voyager things#chakotay#b'elanna torres#'i don't need support' she says in a trembly voice that makes it evident she desperately needs support#the way b’elanna burns herself cuz she figures she’s burned anyway#shocked by the idea that others might not see her as a lost cause#might even like her and think she’s good#this has always been a foible of her nature#even before her dad left#that just confirmed that her false suspicions were correct and cemented her tendencies#chakotay is the first person to not give up on her even tho she’s always giving up on herself#i understand if real world things mean torres doesn’t show up in prodigy trying to help find him in some way#roxann is too busy or whatever#but that would be the only acceptable excuse#and even then they should mention something she's doing off screen
176 notes
·
View notes
Text
K so, Semblances are connected to Aura which is a manifestation of the soul yeah?
In Before the Dawn, the father of the villains confirms that one of twin's semblance was active in the womb throughout a good portion of the pregnancy
Meaning, in Remnant, fetuses have souls. Wonder how legal abortions are
Edit: just remembered Pyrrha had to unlock Jaune's Aura in V1, so does that mean someone cracked open a fetus's Aura inside the womb? Was Gillian strong enough as a cluster of cells to unlock it herself?? Wtf is this origin story???
#rwde#I don't think myers wrote this w the angle of prolife propaganda but hoo boy did he not think this plot through#(tho idk his politics so he could have subconsciously done it. this is the doctor who moon abortion episode all over again)#btd sucked so bad but what keeps snagging in my brain is that the whole thing that kicked off the twins monarchy scheme -#- the crown birthmark born to one every generation - was apparently burned into gillian???#and its NEVER FOLLOWED UP ON#like kudos to FUCKING COCO OF ALL PEOPLE for commenting on her enemy being BRANDED but why is it just the one comment???#idk who I'd go for first: the father or the brother. who's ego is inflated enough to justify burning their own kin?#and why even do it? i dont think myers would write jax and gill to follow the royal tradition of bloodline purity-#-so they couldnt rule together right? why even bother marking her if the crown would always go to jax?#and why cant a single rwby villain have a scheme that makes sense to some degree?#jax wanting remnant to get a little bit genghis khan is so fucking stupid and baseless. where is the logic behind it?#the best villains either do heinous shit for shits and giggles or they genuinely do have a point but came to the wrong conclusion#thats why tyrian and watts are the only decent villains post v3. theyre both in it for themselves and unapologetic abt it#jax and gill are just annoying. go join a fight club and leave vacuo alone kthxbai#anyway thanks for attending another episode of rwby has shit world building and even worse implications#yodeling into the void
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
From now until march, along with KOSA and support for trans folks/tumblr's transphobia, I'm only going to be reblogging posts about Palestine, Congo, Sudan and the potential other countries that I'm unaware of subjected to atrocities and genocides all at the same time (because just when you thought you've seen the depths of human vileness you learn about something else happening that makes you realise no you didn't). My blog's pretty small so this probably doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, but since I didn't completely go through with the strike this time around I feel like the least I can do is this. General reminder to not stop talking about the genocides, donate if you can, write/call up your MPs, show support for the trans community and spread as much awareness as possible about all these issues mentioned. Stay safe, everyone.
#momento rambles#normally i don't make posts like this because i can't ever feel like i should be the one to and let people better equipped than me do it#because i'm more confident in their commentary and advice than mine but this is more important than my discomfort so here goes#free palestine#free congo#free sudan#kosa bill#transgender#if you haven't please look into what's been happening#but make sure not to burn yourselves out doing so#and be aware of that god awful bill and how damaging it could be#and keep your blogs trans friendly and safe. i just scream into the void here but you're always welcome and safe to see me be cringe#the world is shit and it always has been but that's more reason for us to stand together#this stuff isn't my strong suit at all but i hope it helps even a little. take care
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
46 notes
·
View notes