#THE REASON IT DOESNT WORK IN HER WORK IS BECAUSE WHEN SHE WANTS TO GET SERIOUS SHE DOESNT APPLY IT TO THE PAST JOKES OR FUTURE ONES TOO
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
hii!! i know you are busy with the but im a cheerleader nat fic, but do you think you might maybe write more for Lottie?
also thoughts on meangirl Lottie.. i feel like when she first meets someone she can be a little guarded, wanting to keep her image so when you call her out on her bs she feels attacked and then starts a rivalry between the two.. anyways to summarise meanlottie tension with the new girl on the team when Lottie takes it too far and says something really mean at a party and new girl storms off but Lottie finds her and shows her how much she DOESNT hate her because shes actually a softie but she kind of treats new girl as a punching bag bc shes new and called her out
Im genuinely so sorry if this doesnt make sense i am so bad at explaining but i have a vision i swear😔
🫎 anon :)
i love this idea so much 🫎 anon!! hopefully i got your vision here!!
lottie matthews, you should’ve realized sooner, is untouchable.
at least, that’s how she wants people to perceive her.
everyone on the team knows better than to test lottie; even jackie, the whs’ golden girl in her own right, lets her have her moments.
you, on the other hand? you’re new. maybe that’s why you didn’t seem to get the memo right from the beginning.
it starts small enough: a subtle jab at practice, a teasing remark about your form, the kind of thing that could be dismissed as playful banter if not for the smug tone in lottie’s voice. and then there are the looks: the way her dark eyes flick over you during drills, sizing you up for reasons you can’t seem to wrap your head around.
it doesn’t take long for you to call her out.
“got something to say, matthews?” you ask one day, sharp enough to draw a few surprised glances from your teammates.
for a second, lottie looks genuinely caught off guard. and then her mask slips back into place, her lips curving into that insufferably confident smile. “i’m just looking out for the team,” she says. “can’t have the new girl slowing us down.”
from that moment on, it’s war between you.
lottie calls you out for each fumbled pass in practice. in the locker room, she’s leaning against the row of lockers closest to yours, waiting for you to pass to call out a snarky comment. and even during team meetings, when you make a suggestion about changing up a play, lottie scoffs. “sure,” she says, leaning back in her chair. “let’s just toss out what’s been working because you think you know better!”
things only reach a breaking point weeks later, at one of the parties.
you don’t even remember what starts it: some offhand comment about your outfit, maybe, or the way you’ve been talking to nat a little too long for lottie’s liking. either way, her words hit harder this time, meaner than usual.
“god, you’re so desperate to fit in,” she says suddenly “it’s pathetic!”
the words land like a slap, loud enough for everyone nearby to hear.
for a second, all you can do is stare at her, your chest tight and your pulse pounding in your ears. lottie doesn’t look away. she stands her ground, her arms still crossed over her chest.
nat shifts beside you, clearly uncomfortable, but she doesn’t intervene. no one does.
you don’t trust yourself to speak, not when your voice feels like it might crack and give her the satisfaction she’s so clearly looking for. instead, you turn on your heel and push through the crowd, ignoring the whispers as you walk out.
lottie finds you a little while later, sitting on the back steps of the house with your head in your hands. you don’t hear her approach until she’s right beside you and says: “i shouldn’t have said that,”
you flinch, whipping around to face her. “what do you want, lottie?” you snap. “haven’t you done enough for one night?”
her usually upright posture falters as she stuffs her hands into the pockets of her jacket, her gaze flicking between you and the ground. “i didn’t mean it,” lottie says, quieter this time. “i just…i don’t know.” she sighs, running a hand through her hair. “you get under my skin!”
you let out a bitter laugh. “glad i could be of service then”
“that’s not-” lottie cuts herself off. “i’m not good at this, okay? you called me out, and i didn’t know how to deal with it, so i pushed back. too hard. i know that.”
when you look up, you’re surprised to see something raw in her expression. regret.
“i don’t hate you,” she says finally, her voice soft but insistent. “i don’t even think i dislike you, if i’m being honest. i just…i don’t know how to handle you!”
before you can respond, lottie crouches in front of you, close enough that you can see the faint flush on her cheeks. “you’re not pathetic,” she murmurs. “far from it. and i’m sorry if i made you feel like you were!”
you’re unsure how to process the vulnerability she’s laying bare. this isn’t the untouchable, put-together lottie you’ve come to know. this is someone softer, someone who’s trying, even if she doesn’t quite know how.
lottie seems to take your lack of an answer as a bad sign, her lips pressing into a thin line. “let me make it up to you,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “please.”
#lottie matthews Ღ#🫎 anon#lottie matthews x reader#lottie matthews x female reader#lottie matthews x fem!reader#lottie matthews x you#yellowjackets#yellowjackets x reader#yellowjackets x female reader#yellowjackets x you
88 notes
·
View notes
Text
not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺️)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
"or dealing with a family member who erroneously believes that Game of Thrones isn’t very good" I don't know how to tell you this but... it isn't very good. go read asoiaf and maybe then you'll see the truth.
#the rest of this post was very good very helpful good post btw but this made me pause cause uh. well im a hater at heart if you didnt know#game of thrones is bad because it simply doesnt understand all the complexity of george's work#it relies on shock and violence to get the point across and dismiss much more emotional scene to make them badass instead#it lacks the subtle horror that george's books have because all they saw when reading it was the obvious big horrors#which isnt something an adaptation should gloss over but there are many details than when taken out#take out emotional payoffs in service of big blood bath. anyway#like 'the lannisters send their regards' or arya emotionlessly killing poliver with one quick cut of her sword cause she wanted to#or the change from bolton reigning over harrenhal to tywin becoming arya's wise daddy figure for some inconceivable reason#stripping that arc of every social commentary and gripping moments#anyway why am i ranting so much in the tags. oh yeah cause im a hater its in my dna#oh and also they fundamentally misunderstood some characters which i feel fine and normal about#and wrote off some of the best ones#asoiaf
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
blorbos from my brain
#beloved villainxcivilian wip. i need to draw you#post unrelated to previous few. mostly#if anyone's reading this post and curious: vague superhero/villain-containing setting; mc is a woman who gets out of a shit relationship#w a local hero by selling his work laptop to a local villain and using the money to flee the province/whatever with her cat & suitcase.#gets set up w a tiny apartment. barely leaves. severe anxiety that she's gonna be tracked down by either her ex or the villain to tie up lo#loose ends#eventually unwinds enough to leave; takes a 3rd shift at an ancient tiny library with old archives#local supervillain (not that she knows at first) becomes a repeat visitor looking over the old city blueprints and hwhatnot on file#eventually unwinds enough to start a mayyybe situationship#he's not blind she's clearly very distrusting n nervous even if she's got a crazy good customer service face so he's very slow abt it#lets her set the pace of whatever they're doing#which simultaneously reassures her and makes her nervous#because it could be a mask. it could be a trap. she literally has no way to really know#gets worse when the truth about his profession comes out#mental breakdown. lots of yelling. butter knife brandished like a weapon (<- taken very seriously)#once shit settles a lot of time is dedicated to figuring out how they want to continue this. if they want to#given that there is realistically a crazy power dynamic between them. she's an immigrant who had to uproot herself from literally everyone#and everything she knows and has; has no support system in a country she is technically not legally supposed to be in;#he is very influential; having both notable scores of money socked away and a potentially a mole in the local policing force#if he wanted to make her disappear in one way or another it would not be difficult for him#much how her ex was becoming. extremely overbearing so to speak#so Yah trying to navigate that. very serious discussions if they can make that work out or if they should split#bc i want a happy ending i think they make it work! not sure about the specifics but theyre good#i think he doesnt realize how badly shes fucked up until at some point after The Breakdown he puts together that she's the reason the hero#in a few provinces away got completely Fucked by the local villain scene#and putting that together with her severe anxiety and not-great living situation. why she would've possibly done that#anyways. the inspiration for this all was mostly out of distaste for most of the romantasy books i have to see in various fandom tags#male love interest who doesn't really respect boundaries VS. m.l.i. who is extremely respectful of boundaries while managing to remain a vi#villain by the laws of the genre/setting/otherwise plot#(and asking the question of what does villainy mean in this context)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult
#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it#but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault#she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month#the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa#rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month#so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent#and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work#and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live#she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill#every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything#personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care#ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d#not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to#texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either#but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility#but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to#and im over it#so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out
"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"
thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms
#problems!#people seem to underestimate how quick i am to make moves#the job market is piss. cant believe yall two would blame me for being unemployed when all i do from rise to slumber is hound ppl for jobs#im not going to stay in a house where i will be 'scared straight'. that shit doesnt work on me. in fact it has the opposite effect#i respect yall even LESS now#and youre so so fucking lucky one of my goals for next year is to make things right with you it would be easy to cut you off forever#same way i did with my abusive transphobic dad.#my mom is someone i know can do better and can actually listen to reason instead of being stuck in her generation's mentality of#'x is easy if you just do y. you kids have it so easy the world is at your fingertips' blah blah fucking blah#i am autistic i do not keep jobs easily. i am trans jobs do not want me. i am black and perceived as a woman. every customer at all of my#past jobs thinks i am rude or mean or have an attitude when i do nothing but treat others the exact way i would want to be treated#customers dont like what i say? i stop talking. customers dont like when i dont talk? i talk to them. rinse repeat#like i know im the problem here but all of my problems circle back to my autism and the fact that because im not a supergenius or#someone whose special interest is capitalism i fail at every avenue i try to jam myself in.#but yeah no i need to work harder i need to be taken to a FUCKING CEMETERY and yelled at by YOUR HUSBAND for wanting to go to the bathroom#in front of his mothers grave. god rest her soul and yall know im no christian so i actually mean that shit#because in his mind all i want to do is smoke and party. when i smoke because i have fucking migraines and g to shows#(two out of three of them being free and for the purpose of their willingness to 'get me out of the house')#bc i like music and i like engaging w my scene. but no its all violent noise theres no actual purpose or activism behind moshing. nope#its just one big party right. im just wasting my time right. because i like sleepin on a couch every night with no doors to close. yep ok#anyway heres to me getting my meds getting the fuck out and being somewhat far from my scene now that im moving#hows that for smoking and partying all the time huh?#if any of yall read this i am so so sorry. bitching about my stepdad will become a thing i think#hes one of those bible thumpers that are totally boring and indifferent to differences around them and thinks my mom is just like him#in some ways? she is. but she is a people pleaser and will never take her wants or her feelings seriously#because she had the unfortunate upbringing in being brainwashed into thinking her feelings/wants are sinful#shoutout to my christian or catholic mutuals who are fucking normal and dont let some old fantasy novel control your life. peace#religion mention
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive decided that andoras almost always has crazy makeup and wigs on simply bcus its fun for him. and everin doesnt see him without any of it on until after the birthday party debacle and loses it slightly bcus she thought that was his real hair the whole time wdym youre BALD (hes not bald his hair is just short)
#my post#the wondrous oc tag#madineau#the lore is stored in the tags#world so beautiful. i love making shit up about my ocs#did this partly bcus i wanna include more ridiculous hairstyles in this bcus i realized that i can#and this is perfect for andoras bcus he literally doenst do anything all day anyways. so he just gets up spends half the day gettnig ready#and then spends the rest of it hanging around ev and bothering her#theres a bit of bright colors and markings like aposematism. like watch out hes toxic do not approach#like ev gives a shit though#ANDDDD ive managed to incorporate MOON SYMBOLISM. bcus god what is this story if not just the moon a thousand times over for no reason#(the reason is it was like 2 am i was delirious on sharpie fumes and got really emotional about the moon out of nowhere)#so like when hes first introduced his makeup includes a new moon. new beginnings and all that#during the birthday party hes got a 1st quarter moon. for intention. bcus thats when ev and an get a little normal about each other#and an specifically realizes oh hey. i actually liek this person. and i think she likes me too. i dont want this to ever stop.#smilesss he realizes this while theyre dancing. and ev is laughing and relaxed and SMILING for once and an wishes he could watch that smile#forever...#dreamy sigh. ive had that scene living in my head for years now#i think i came up with that after reading knifetrick. bcus i loved the party scene soooooo much <33#where was i. right moon makeup.#so in the very very very end andoras has a full moon#sealing of intention slash continuing the cycle. because its implied hes gonna overthrow the government and kill the current leaders#thats a big jump from where we just were. bear with me here a lot happens in this story#like the birthday party and that tender moment. is interrupted by the rev squad showing up and trying to convince a crowd of people to#murder ev#which more or less works pretty easily btw. they all just go 'ok bet' as if they werent attending HER party.#its fine its whatever its ok. ev doesnt think theres anyone she can truly trust but she does so anyways and just prays they dont turn on he#bcus the only people she has left in the world are her 2 advisors who hate her and her best friend who also maybe hates her
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on
#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other#meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20#tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are#few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is#get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went#on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves#like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more#chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already#nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them#up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t#finish my sentence#and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves#so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me#then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear#and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning#during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the#door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her#why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking#basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore#cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come#back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open#ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me#GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan#im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just#gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean#im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other#LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinking abt my dupe ocs again... Maybe Quinn does have hashtag issues actually
#rat rambles#oni posting#oc posting#theyre very well known and liked amongst all the colonies as y'know. they helped found all of them.#and theyve always been very friendly and kind and they have always taken their responsibilities incredibly seriously#and when they get time to be on a planet they relish it as they have a great deal of appreciation for the beauty of these worlds#but one thing that has always been a thing for them is that they've never rly had like. friends amongst these colonies#partially because of them having to travel constantly but even when they get time to hang out more theyve sort of unconsciously trained#themself to be a bit emotionaly detached from those around them#it also doesnt help that theyre a digger and usually one of like 2 or 3 on any given planetoid#which earlier on meant thar they rarely encountered other dupes and late on left then with little to do as most of the ongoing work was#already being managed by others specifically trained for the role#so the isolation started to get to them and they started to get rly antsy and didn't know why or how to fix it#when the printing pod went offline they were one of the ones more calm abt the matter due to them being generally more used to the unknown#and this combined with their general good reputation lead to a lot of dupes looking to them for direction and answers alongside burt#this actually made quinn feel rly good for a while since it was their excuse to actually talk to ppl regularly and in more personal ways#theyd hear out ppls anxieties and ideas and newest passions and goals and theyd actually feel like theyre hearing the words said#they liked the feeling of everyone wanting to be around them and seeking them out even on other planetoids#they'd get phone calls and people taking breaks from their work to come say hi and it made them feel real#but as time went on and their fellow dupes became more and more self reliant they began to seek them out less and less#because why bother someone so important and busy when you dont need to right?#and this lead to quinn going wait no why did you all leave me again :(#it felt like before but worse because now they actually had started considering a lot of these guys friends#and they still had no idea how to reach out themself without a work reason and as such they sorta started dissolving again#and its during this time when they start missing the pod and start to get more upset that shes gone#they end up returning to the original partially to be closer to her and partially because it feels the most like home to them#there they start to slowly learn to reach out themself as they sort of sit in a corner watching burt work while shaking like a small dog#this at first is very unwanted by burt who is stressed as hell but they end up forcing him to stick to an actual shift instead of just#working until he passes out and this allows them to hang out while they force him to have downtime with them to keep him from exploding#it becomes a nice comfort time for them both as they rly havent hung out much since the first like 100 cycles or so
1 note
·
View note
Text
just wrote like three paragraphs ranting about my living situation and deleted it just know I am going insane and i hate it here and I need to live by my fucking self or I am going to absolutely fucking lose it
#I can not stand cleaning up shit for people anymore I can’t stand people taking my stuff or messing up shit I clean or organize or whatever#I hate feeling pressured to stay in my room constantly because she almost never fucking leaves and the entire living room/kitchen area is#apparently her fucking home office now. so there’s just nowhere else to go where I’m not forced to interact with her#not to mention how I cleaned out that entire area EXTENSIVELY only a couple months ago and now all of that work is just gone#she re-cluttered it and now it’s a nightmare again :)#and she’s out there in the first place because she clutters her room and desk in her room to such an extent that it’s basically unusable#at least when I had a shitty roommate her mess was confined to one side of a bedroom more or less#and there was a living room/kitchen that wasn’t a fucking nightmare that I could generally control the tidiness of#I can’t fucking live like this I can’t keep cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and throwing away shit and organizing shit and whatever#just to have it all be for NOTHING every fucking time because she takes more shit out and doesnt put it away and buys more shit#that we can’t fucking afford and don’t immediately need and hahaggsgsgshsshshhhshshshshssh#I can’t fucking do it! I really can’t keep doing this it makes me violently angry and one of these days I’m going to snap and break my door#or something#I didn’t even want to move back in here to begin with this was supposed to be temporary. as in only for a couple months#but all my job applications fail and I have no other form of income or support so. haha I’m stuck here#i won’t even get started on just#not wanting to live with her for a million other reasons#I need to get the fuck out of here I do not want to be responsible for cleaning up her messes and doing whatever she says without choice#cause I mean. that’s another thing. At least my roommate couldn’t force me to do whatever she wanted with any resistance being seen as#criminally disrespectful and depending on her wildly unpredictable mood maybe she’ll verbally abuse me or degrade me or accuse me of things#who knows!#also won’t get into the fact that I’m almost two years on t and she still misgenders me and deadnames me and believes she has the right to#do so#kibumblabs#negative#delete later probably.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
had a very my little pony dream and it produced??? lore???? for the au im working on??????
#crops#mlp#these are vague in the note but i have all of these like. plotted out. because of the dream#in it they were working on a solution other than the school and elements to assist with inequity in Equestria#and for some reason my brain came up w an illegitimate sibling for fluttershy whos evil and bitter and he tries to fuck it up?#and recession is just when your cutie mark goes away either out of necessity or because of trauma related to work#forced recession is used as a punishment and you end up repeating something until that becomes your new 'talent'#one of the characters is a pony whose family died bc her cm wasnt farm related and she refused to recess it and left#but she was arrested because they assumed she was the cause of the timberwolf attack that killed her family#so her fashion cm was forcibly recessed and she got one relating to her sisyphean punishment of 'saving' a replica of the farm#recession is also a form of torture in pony communities. its just. its a lot.#recession can also be willful but then it just takes a lot of time so big families and adoption post-cm is common in Equestria#like pinkie's family is big so the rock farm doesnt go belly up and fluttershy's family doesnt own a business so theres no risk there#i could go on and on about recession but idk if i want to :/#<- i do have a character that is unhappy with her cm but im debating if she'll recess it in order to find a better calling for her#(its Get Well Soon if anyones curious)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinkin about ocs (OIFIL) and ruining my own life with it u_u
#mostly thinkin about right before brent so hes super hostile and stuff but#how when he learns chris' full name and how chris doesnt like it bc of the constant HAHA THATS /FAIR/ jokes in school#and how he doesnt like his full first name christian and right is SO against his own first name and only wants to be addressed by his last#that he just decides whatever hes got enough annoyances with his name i can respect that#and thats how chris gets to just be chris - because right wants to be right#and he understands that more than anyone but then hes still an ass and still rude to people#and all he knows for a long while is chris is divorced and so when he hears about My Daughter the first time ? hes like ???#you have a baby? a new life? hey what? congrats dude! and chris is like i mean shes five but yeah#and right knows it makes sense that they arent actually friendly enough to talk about families and lives out of work#but still hes been working with chris for literal years and how much of an ass HAS he been that he never knew the man had a daughter#and chris very confused as to why right is so interested suddenly bc mr vulgar jerk of a guy is suddenly the most calm and peaceful looking#that chris has ever seen and its bc he heard about angel and when chris jokes about bringing her by to meet him if hes so curious#he doesnt expect the genuine hope when right asks him really? so oops guess he has to pray for a decent outcome#and seeing right act absolutely normal and civil to his daughter when hes so used to grouching and cussing#makes chris feel a bit warm! like hey theres hope for him!! hes not irredeemable after all maybe possibly!#and ofc thats slightly tainted when his beloved sweet angel says she wants to marry mr right because hey no actually not enough redemption#but right and chris talking about absolutely nothing and it evolves into chris prodding a bit into the whole you do well with kids thing#and right looks at him and is like kids are fucking wonderful dude its the adults that fuck em up#why would i be mean to a kid? what do they know?? they havent done anything wrong that cant be fixed#and chris just flabbergasted at the weird honesty and ok maybe hes too harsh on rights personality (hes not)#but then skip ahead to after brent shows up and you have right soften a bit and be more approachable and more willing to talk#and chris is so happy for him but also really wary of brent bc based on his years of working with right he knows the guy has had it rough#so he doesnt want right to be hurt more than he already clearly has been hurt and so hes gotta try to protect him#so he intervenes some days when one of the two are upset#and is like listen youre both adults you have to talk this out and be reasonable#and both are like wait what why me ?? i have done NOTHING wrong here#though right is more like i understand the accusation and respect it but im innocent this time i have been NICE#bc if anyone can call right out - he will allow it for chris
1 note
·
View note
Text
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#this is honestly a really minor thing in the whole of everything#but goddamn my coworker is annoying ke sobmuch more than she ever has#and it shouldnt annoy me this much i try to like reallly deal with it when i know their reasons are valid#but goddamn#she has complained so many times about her hours and i know shes also mentioned wanting more#and those can coexist and obviously iverride the other#but im trying to get more hours next week and i guess nick is right i shouldnt have gone to her first but honestly this still probably would#have been a pain jn the ass#i expected her to agree or not agree like i get it she likes the extra time#but not try and like#swap days with me#like i either thought shed like the extra time off or not#but in response i did not think she would insist on still working just either the normal hours orbnot#and naybe its not complicated things asbmuch as i think#but its still pissing me off#its fucking stupid#shes gottenbso so pissy to the point of nears tears before complaining about never getting extra days off#and not having days off next to each other and alllll this other fucking shit#and even if shes not like that Now with her extra hours shes picked upbthe moment she goes back to that and i am certain she will#this will flair up again because fuck off#shes gonna complain about all this fucking holiday traffic in the store and its gonna piss ne off#it would regardless but itsbjust gonna do it kore#she is so shit with money and its gucking hypocritical of me i know but i am too focused on her fucking#bullahit with things she doesnt need to act how she does about money cause she does fucking fine#shes just so damn irresponsible with it and thats her fucking fault#she gets all these fucking ideas on how to budget and save better and she doesnt follow through#and it just i am sobfucking tired this is so fucking stupid and my fucking boss left work to go do some fucking shopping#so i cant even talk with him about it right now cause he just fuvking lesves while hes still clocked in and i usually care but like barely#but its so fucking annoying today#tag rambles
1 note
·
View note
Text
I apparently can't work 4 ten hour shifts instead of 5 eight hours for the next couple weeks for my mental health according to my boss. If I wanted to do that I would have to strip my title of supervisor and get a pay cut.
Like are you fucking serious?? I'm doing the same work, working 40 hours still. Still opening and closing the building like in supposed to. And initially my boss said okay then back tracked on it.
And like I could see these bullshit rules if I were to do it permanently. But I just wanted it for middle of December. Was fully willing to work the full week of Christmas.
#vent#rant#personal#and yet the assistant manager gets to work 4 days a week for only 6 hours each day#and doesnt have to be on salary#i was forced to be on salary when i was the assistant manager#such bullshit#think she only said no because my coworker had to strip her title for the same reason a year ago#but again that was supid because some of the other supervisors didnt think that was “fair”#and because my coworker didnt want to work split shifts which we stopped doing those a year ago#and split shifts only lasted like a month#so theres really no reason to strip us of supervisor titles and take pay cuts for it
0 notes
Text
.
#i shouldnt have to just ify my anger wje. what you have done in the past has upset me#just because you have time where you get my pronouns right doesnt make the times that you dont go away#it doesnt make it hurt any less#you cant say that you do a “good job” when its by your own standards.#i constantly have to hear 'she/her' every fucking day at work from hindreds of people#i dont want to hear it from my fucking husband#its been over four years tht you have known me and its been they/them for as long as youve known me#she/her shouldnt even be in your fucking vocabulary when you refer to me#but because you still see me as 'female' that makes she/jer the default and for some reason#you cant wrap your brian around wjy that fucking bothers me#don't tell me you 'do a good job' and that i 'should know that' and that you 'dont want this to be a point of contention'#when you decide to go to bed without even asking me if im okay or telling me goodnight#you wanna gove me aomething to fucking be upset about?????? thatll fucking do it holy fucking shit#LMAO what the fuck is even happening#you wont even fucking talk to me because im upset with you so now youre going to just fucking ignore me being upset????#in what fucking universe is that fucking okay???????#fucking what ever!!!!#WHAT EVER. WHAT THE FUCK EVER.#fuck this#google wheres the nearest fucking bridge#this has been the worst goddamn week ive had in a very fucking long time#just fucking make it END ALREADY HOLY FUCK#and dumb ass roommate and his gf is here and i dont fucking want to deal with their fucking dumbass fucking shit either#get rhe fuck out of my goddamn life already im so fucking done#FUCK. FUCK OFF YOU DUCKIGN DUMBASS BITCH
0 notes
Text
my latest mental health update is that i consistently dont have the energy to make food so i kinda just dont eat mostly. its not great
#i dont have money for groceries since i still cant work so i have to rely on what my mom buys me#and she considers stuff i can eat immediately extravagant or unnecessary#and gets pissed that i want her to spend money on things that ill actually eat#my usual staple meal is boxed pasta but i dont even have the spoons to make that lately#and she doesnt want to buy me frozen meals so im just kinda living off of goldfish and fruit snacks for the most part#eating tw#my sister suggested that i move in with her and her partner which i think would be a much better situation for me#but my mom is insisting that i stay here until my meds get figured out#but she keeps switching between being super sympathetic and understanding to being upset that im relying on her#which i already feel bad about like thats part of the reason why i want to go to my sisters place because my sister is totally on board with#helping me out and wont guilt me for having limitations even when im severely limited#idk im just not having a good day mood wise#and i dont think my latest meds are doing anything but i havent gotten up to the full dose yet so i cant be sure#and then if they dont work i have to gradually decrease and taper off them so im probably not gonna be able to try something new for#a couple more months
1 note
·
View note