#THE POLYCULE WINS AGAIN!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

s3thwrit3sstuff · 6 months

Note

you know what's delicious? yn who started wearing flavored lip balm/lip tint because of suguru — so that every time suguru ate a curse, he could just easily pull the man into a kiss to get rid of the disgusting taste suguru hates so much ((bonus points if yn also pops in a candy/sweet/chocolate in his mouth before feeding it to suguru through a kiss — anything to help suguru forget the taste of curses)) yeah... just... suguruyn for the win man 😋🫶

((even more bonus points when satoru finds out later and he gets all jelly because 1. he doesn't know the lip balm/lip tint can come with a flavor so he felt blindsided and of course, he humphs and puffs because of it and 2. he wanted a chocolatey sweetness kissies too!!!! and of course lastly, 3. he felt left out because he never knows that suguruyn always makes out every single time suguru ate a curse so he's all pouty about it — ask him to join in next time!!!))

❝ He's just like candy, he's so sweet ❞

polycule (Satoru x r! x Suguru)) | alternate universes (Suguru is not a cult-reader), fluff, NSFW | vers. bottom. reader (AMAB) | NOT PROOFREAD | wc: 3.6k

warnings: foodplay, threesomes, pouty satoru & smug suguru, semi-public sex, d/s dynamics

masterlist; part 1; part 2; part 3; alternate ending; playlist; au's and what if's

author's note: in this au, they slayed the links that made me lose my mind (thank you @xuxitheii for making me squeal and kick my feet): geto suguru : gojo satoru : gojo satoru being a big baby

Curses. Ugly as sin and tastes just as foul. Suguru remembers the first time he discovered he could devour them; how awful it felt as it went down his throat, bulging out and staying there — blocking his airway as he struggled to find it in himself to swallow.

The way his teeth ached. His throat convulsed and his instincts forced it back up but his fingers blocked it from doing so. It warbled in the back of his mouth, begging to be let out and 7-year-old Suguru just knew he couldn’t bear for it to disturb him again. He couldn’t handle it speaking nonsensically into his ear, slinking under his bed or even staring right at him as it grinned so wide Suguru swore he could see his reflection in its yellow, wicked-sharp, teeth.

The pills his parents (his poor, non-sorcerer, parents) had given him to help with his “hallucinations” made him feel as though a thick fog was obscuring his brain. His thoughts faded and his movement groggy, his emotions caged while his body still felt the anxious tremors that ran through him when he saw them.

The curses made him feel like he was constantly in a deep pit of despair. Everything wrong in the world, the depravity and impulses of humanity that manifested into these grotesque creatures in the palm of his hands made his nose sting, till this day, as an 18-year-old; it made his eyes well with tears.

Suguru can't describe it in a way people could understand. But if asked, he’d used the viscera of a vomit rag being forced down your throat.

But the strong protect the weak. While your lips protect them from his ire. This one goes down with a loud gulp, his fingers blocking his lips as he tosses his head back. The worst is almost over, the aftertaste will linger but not for long. Because then, he feels your weight on his chest and Suguru is pliant as you gently pry his fingers away.

“You did a good job, baby.” Suguru flutters his eyes open and he can’t help the way his lips twitch eagerly. Your lips are glossier than usual, he can smell the cherry flavour on them. His hands wrap themselves around your waist. It’s a firm grip.

Mine, he says without speaking, mine — all mine.

He pulls and a huff of air escapes you in a series of chuckles. “I know we haven’t been out in a while, but did you miss me that much, Su-Su?” Suguru frowns at your jest. It’s rare for him to pout. That role is often delegated to your boyfriend, Satoru. So this must truly upset him.

Because, yes, he did.

You’d been called overseas to complete a mission. It was the norm for sorcerers considering the population of sorcerers in Japan; outsourcing they called it. Your curse technique was needed for this mission and truly, it didn’t take long but Suguru had done solo missions and he missed you.

Three solo missions. Three disgusting, dog-shit, vomit-stained rags, down his throat. Three days without you by his side.

He hated it.

“Don’t ask a silly question like that ever again,” he mumbles. Silly. The way he scolds you always makes you smile. Never crass or rude — his voice reminds you of the symphony of leaves singing with the wind as they danced and speckled light onto the forest floors and cool water bubbling over rocks.

“Why? Why can’t I ask silly questions?” You tease, placing your elbows on his shoulder and hanging your hands behind him. Purposefully lax despite the coquettish smile on your face.

“You already know the answer.” He speaks with such sincerity. Every word is heavy with nothing but candour and adoration. It makes your eyes soften and Suguru squeezes you closer.

“I do?” He nods at your words, the tip of his nose brushing over yours and his tan skin so flushed on the apples of his cheeks.

“Kiss me like you miss me, baby.”

Suguru’s lips land on yours like a feather. Supple as always he begins it with a long-lasting peck. Pouty lip against pouty lip. His hands climb up your back and he presses between your shoulder blades to somehow hold you closer; his jaw opens and yours does the same. There it is — that heaven that’s your mouth. Suguru groans and you feel his tongue sneaking in, devouring you like a starved man.

The cherry flavour on your lips, the sweetness of the candy you let melt on your tongue, the way your fingers grip his hair, the way he can feel your breath on his cheek as you try to breathe. He wishes that the two of you never needed air. Suguru wants nothing more than to kiss you forever and ever and ever —

“Hey!”

You part with a gasp, cheeks warm and lips almost bruised as the line of spit between the two of you breaks. At the mouth of the alleyway was your boyfriend; Gojo Satoru.

His arms are crossed and he taps his foot in a cartoonish fashion. Despite that, both of you know that the frown on his face is very much real. “What gives? I exorcised the other curses and I came back to the two of you making out. So unfair!”

Suguru parts with a sigh, rolling his eyes to the side and pouting his lips to the side as he muttered about Satoru having FOMO. It makes you giggle and he smiles when you lean forward to place your face right under his jaw.

“S’toru, you’re being a baby. Suguru did a lot of work and I was just thanking him.” Satoru unfolds his arms and flaps them around in protest.

“I did work too!”

And it has begun — Satoru’s famous little tantrums. Oh, he could go for a full hour if he was really worked up but there is a saving grace in him having them. He closes his eyes when he’s yappering. Suguru is listening to his huffy boyfriend but then you kiss his chin and he tilts his face down to look at you.

“Hm?” your teeth brush over his lower lips, then plant firmly on his. “Baby?” he smiles in the lip-locking and you whine about it because his lips should not stretch into that handsome smile, they should be pursed outward and part to let you in.

He tastes chocolate on your tongue. The creaminess of the chocolate makes him groan along with the citrusy notes. That combined with the fruitiness of the cherry tint on your lips makes the taste of the curses he’d ingested (exorcised) all but disappear. Your hands climb to the lobe of his ears and his breath hitches when your fingers trail the curve of it, he protests a bit as you undo his bun; then you whisper his name and Suguru tightens his grip on your waist.

“Hey!”

Satoru is whining again but this time he’s closer. Close enough for Suguru to grab a fistful of Satoru’s white button-up and pull him in. As his face turns you giggle, wiping away some smeared gloss as you watch Satoru turn red from Suguru’s heated kiss.

Satoru groans with his eyebrows twitching. Listless in his attempt to remain angry at Suguru. He pounds his fist against Suguru’s shoulder and attempts to crane his neck away. When he turns, he gasps as you steal his breath.

Satoru’s graceful legs tumble over themselves as his boyfriends press him to the rough wall of the alleyway. There’s a constant hum of an A/C machine and the noises from the pipes keep the intimate noises between the three of you contained. Suguru’s blunt nails drag onto the faded plastered-on advertisements — yours grip onto the bars of the window that had been covered up by old newspapers.

Satoru’s grip onto the front of both of your shirts. His glasses go askew as he struggles to keep up with his boyfriends. Suguru misses Satoru so much. He’d been away too, the Higher Ups sending him overseas at the same time as you and Shoko had to deal with a depressed Suguru for those 3 days.

“Mah, Satoru,” you drag your lips to Satoru’s sensitive neck. His hands don’t seem to know what to do with themselves. It grips and pushes and stutters. “I always give Suguru special kisses after a job well done, you’ve just always been too busy to notice.”

“S’not fair,” Satoru retorts with no real venom in his words. “I deserve special kisses too, don’t I?” Suguru chuckles, forcing Satoru to look his way and shut him up. Satoru glares over the rim of his crooked glasses as Suguru’s thumb presses down on his canines.

“What a jealous brat.”

“Can’t even handle a little teasing.”

Satoru would heavily disagree with that. A little teasing? You called being pushed to a wall, groped, kissed, and bitten by your handsome and powerful boyfriends a little teasing?

Satoru was a sign of change, his birth instantly tipped the scales of the sorcerer world, but he was still human!

Suguru grins that irritatingly pleased grin when Satoru’s protests die out thanks to your hands slipping down his pants. “Oh shit,” he hisses. His speech is odd with Suguru’s thumb in his mouth, casually inspecting it. But you laugh anyway.

“You know, since he has been away too, maybe he does deserve a bit of sugar from you, (Y/N).” You glance at Suguru, your cock chubbing up in your pants as he pointedly motions his gaze to the ground. You kneel in front of Satoru and drool slips down his chin as his pupils chase after you. Suguru chuckles, wiping it away and wiping it off on Satoru’s shirt — to which he hears no complaint. Suguru stands behind you, bending at his waist to peer down. It’s unfair how pretty he is from any angle. The Gods took their time making him. Of that, you are certain.

“Ready, sweetheart?” you nod, opening your saccharine-sweet mouth; Suguru pats your cheek as praise and undoes Satoru’s pants for you. His cock springs out, nearly bumping into your nose as it strains and twitches in the open air. When Suguru holds it, Satoru grunts and raises his hips. Fucking into his fist like a dog in heat. Suguru regards this with a shake of his head and guides Satoru to your mouth. You form a fist around your thumb, looking up at Satoru through your lashes as you wrap your lips around him.

Suguru straightens his composure. He takes in the sight.

Satoru and you know better than to be handsy. The pale-haired man grabs onto the bars of the window behind him, breathing through his nose as the toe of his shoes dig into the floors. You slip your eyelids close and languish in the taste of Satoru’s cock — breathing through your nose as well as you bob your head.

Fuck, Suguru missed this. He really did. He could get off on this alone. Just watched as both of you enjoyed the other. His darling boyfriends, who so obediently listen to his whims even if he didn’t say it out loud.

Who could ask for more?

Suguru strokes over your eyebrow and barely stifles a laugh when you tilt your head so Satoru’s tip pokes your cheeks.

“Good boy. My sweet boy.”

His voice alone makes you want to give in to whatever it is he asks of you — it’s insane how much power and sway he has. Your charming Suguru.

Satoru moans, swiftly reaching out and gripping onto the collar of Suguru’s top. They kiss. Fighting for dominance because Satoru needs to be pushed into submission. He relishes being put in his place — smacked around a little.

You could pinpoint this kink originating from his frivolous childhood and naturally talented self needing some sort of edge to sink down into a more fuzzy headspace.

Or perhaps Satoru was just a brat and he trusted his lovers enough to relinquish that control. Both theories worked.

Suguru grunts as Satoru tugs at his hair, the pleasant tinge of pain making his dick strain against his loose pants. You spot it from the corner of your eyes, an obscene slurping sound coming from you as you attempt to not make this blowjob too messy. An impossible task, really. But a worthy effort.

“Your lips taste like cherry, why?” Satoru’s question catches Suguru off-guard. He expected Satoru’s usual quips and huffiness. He indulges.

“(Y/N) wore cherry-flavoured lipgloss.”

The proof is in the coloured streaks on his dick. You feel it twitch on your tongue and pull away, your hot breath on his cockhead making precum leak out of his blushing tip. You rest it on your velvet tongue, unabashedly pouting to kiss the tip and then taking him inside again. Those slightly shimmery streaks made Satoru grit his teeth.

“I didn’t know those came in flavours,” Satoru moans. “How come you don’t wear that for me too?”

“Because it’s for me, you little shithead,” Suguru growls lowly. Their foreheads touch as he tightens his grip on Satoru’s neck, the pressure making Satoru’s eyelids flutter for a second. “It’s my prize for exorcising curses.”

“You jealous?” you wonder out loud. The answer was clear but there was a rush to make Satoru admit it.

“Yes, I am!” He curses for a moment as you descend further down to lick at his balls, looking up at him still as if this conversation was taking place over a dinner table and not in an alleyway with society just a few meters away. As if his dick wasn't on your face while you feel his balls tightening up on your tongue.

Seriously, if somebody peered down long enough they would most definitely catch sight of the three of you here.

“I just – just...fuck, I missed the two of you too. It’s completely unfair you’ve been keeping this from me too! I’ll never forgive you.”

Suguru grabs the back of your neck and pulls you backward. His large hands effectively push your head down further and further until your nose is at the neat patch of pubic hair Satoru has. You relax your throat and jaw, eyes watering while you brace your hands on Satoru’s thighs.

“So why didn’t you just tell us that, darling?" Suguru purrs. "Instead, you chose to be a brat and stomp around. You’re better than that, Satoru. Aren’t you? Hm?”

You gag but Suguru holds you in place. His hand barely has any real strength behind it. If you jerked backward, he would not hold you in place. No, no. Suguru’s power comes from the lack of strength he needs to exhibit. His dominance is in the ease Suguru commands it.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You needed him inside of you.

“Screw you, Suguru,” Satoru chokes out.

He pulls you off. You cough, spit staining your chin as you smile loosely at them. Suguru then pulls you onto your feet, pushes you to the wall, and undoes your pants. You bite down on your lower lip, staring at Satoru as you brace your hands onto the wall just next to him. Satoru watches on, trying to keep himself strong by pretending he isn’t affected by the sight before him.

Suguru gathers spit in his mouth but pauses as he feels the candy wrapper in your pockets. The chocolate brand makes his brows raise. It’s expensive. No doubt Satoru’s influence had rubbed off on you. Only one company in the world made this chocolate, its pink colour is a dead giveaway. No wonder your cherry-flavoured gloss tasted so strong, it was complimented nicely by the leftover taste of this ruby chocolate.

He lets your pants pool around your ankles while he takes a bite. It wasn’t disgustingly soft, but your body heat made it melt quickly on his tongue. He spreads your ass apart and spits a thick glob of his spit and pink chocolate. The sensation sends shivers up your back and you arch your back further, unsure about the new sensation.

“Suguru, that was expensive — ngh!”

Your eyes widen as he presses his cock inside. You were thankful for your morning romp with them. It loosened you up enough that Suguru’s impatience didn’t cause pain and only mild discomfort — he reaches forward to jerk your cock off to ebb it away and you moan out his name.

“Shh, shh, not so loud. We’re still outside, baby.”

Satoru groans, reaching to toss his glasses away as he turns his back to the entrance and gives you his full attention. He’s craving touch. To taste or to mark you up. To do anything, really. He is goddamn hypnotized by the way Suguru’s dick thrusts in and out of you. Suguru gives you a good fucking for too short of a time — pounding into you like a jackhammer and making you nearly bite your tongue off in an attempt to keep quiet before he pulls out.

Your knees buckle, thighs twitching as you try to keep yourself upright. Satoru’s knees thud onto the floor and he greedily laps at Suguru’s cock, moaning at the creamy taste. The same flavour leaks out of you while you catch your breath. The mouth of the alleyway is quiet but there are still the faint noises of the city just there. A few big strides away. But there. It excites you. You imagine it’s exciting your equally perverted boyfriends too.

"Satoru," Suguru groans at the sight of him. You peel yourself from the wall. Shoulders thudding onto the hard surface while your pants drop to your ankles. Shakily, you use your feet to push it all the way off, eyes trained on Satoru savouring the flavour of Suguru and the ruby chocolate. He pulls away with a breathy 'pwah!' and strokes Suguru's creamy dick.

You're tempted to join Satoru. Just sharing Suguru's cock, kissing Satoru with his cockhead between your lips. Fuck, just the thought has your dick slapping lightly against your navel. Suguru plants a hand near your head, turning his head to kiss you while the other is tugging on the roots of Satoru's head. a

"Both of my boys are being so obedient," he says after a deliciously deep groan of Satoru's name. "We missed you," you reply in a whiny whisper.

"Missed you so much, S'guru..."

Satoru moans, pulling away as he catches his breath and shares a heated gaze.

"Fuck, I missed you so badly. Missed this dick too," Satoru turns to your crotch and kisses the underside of your dick. It makes your breath hitch, hips jerking forward. The wetness of your precum smears on Satoru's cheek a bit but he doesn't even mind. Nor does he seem to notice.

"These cocks are the only ones that make me this hungry."

Suguru glances at the alleyway. You're not loud enough to draw attention. Still, better safe than sorry.

"Emerge from the darkness, blacker than darkness. Purify that which is impure." You throw your head back to laugh. A veil was meant to conceal, protect those outside of it, and maintain secrecy. To use it so improperly.

The three of you were truly perverted.

"What's got you all giggly?" Suguru speaks against your lips. Tilting your chin upwards then squeezing the sides of your neck just to relish in the way you bare your neck to him.

"You used a veil," Satoru speaks for you. He raises, ignoring Suguru's pointed glance in favour of unbuttoning your shirt and kissing down your chest. His lips are sticky, smears of pink tainting you but you find it hard to care. "He's laughing because he thinks we're perverts."

"What are you? A mind reader now, Satoru?" You huff.

"I might as well be, huh?" Satoru smirks. He's so handsome that it makes your chest hurt sometimes. You're against the wall, exits blocked by Suguru and Satoru and you wouldn't have it any other way. "You know, I missed you too. It's been weeks — "

"Three days," Suguru and you corrected.

"Weeks. And this morning wasn't enough. We did such a good job, those wrinkle bags can't complain if we just so happened to work overtime, right?"

Ijichi can't stop his cheek from heating up. It's painfully, painfully, obvious why the three of you took your time for this mission. He had waited in the car for the first hour, then occupied himself with some coffee at a nearby cafe but by the third hour, Ijichi almost called Principal Yaga.

Three Special Grade Sorcerers took that long to exorcise an abandoned building. Surely, something must have happened!

Yet, seeing you sleeping on Suguru's lap with your legs across Satoru's lap confirms the real reason why it took the three of you that long.

Satoru has a weighted eye mask, head tossed back as he recuperates. This gives Ijichi a clear sight of his marked-up neck. Your shirt is wrinkled, hitched up from the bend of your waist, and giving him the whispers of handmarks. Suguru met his gaze from the rearview and Ijichi whispered out an apology.

"No, please. We're sorry for keeping you waiting." Suguru is brushing your bangs back, gently wiping down some residual stickiness on your cheeks with wet wipes (that Ijichi had made a point to stock up on in the car after earlier missions involving you three).

"No, I understand," he says with a shaky voice. Sighing a little he laughed awkwardly from the driver's seat.

"You must've been missing them a lot for those three days they've been gone, Mr Geto."

Suguru's expression softens, leaning one shoulder down when Satoru leans to place his head on his shoulders.

"It's hard not to. I love them."

#s3thwrit3sstuff #reader insert #male reader #male reader insert #gay reader #male!reader #gojo satoru x male reader #geto suguru x male reader #jjk x male reader #satosugu x reader #satosugu x male reader

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thepepsislvt · 8 months

Note

Hello! May I request for more HCs of Kid and Killer being in a polycule with gn!reader? I love how you write them!!! It's fun reading your work, you got me liking the idea of being in a polycule with Kid and Killer lol. Thank you and have a nice day/night!

I did it finally! im sorry it took so long i was sick for the past week and a half

but here it is!

Warnings: Cursing, Kid

okay so heres how the bed sharing works

Kid sleeps all sprawled out on his back (snoring so loud)

he takes like 76% of the bed

Killer takes like 18% of the bed cause he sleeps on his side

that other 6% is yours and you gotta figure out how to sleep comfortably on top of Kid

its rlly hard since hes either fighting god in his sleep or snoring so damn loud in your ear

Killer doesnt snore he just breathes really loudly

Kid literally hates when you leave the bed for literally anything

queue to you having to literally body slam Kid back into the bed just to get him to shut up and stop yelling at you

anyway so to avoid that happening again you have to walk to his snoring pattern

imagine trying to go to the bathroom and his snoring stops for like half a second

mini heart attack

When Kid gets sick

oh my fucking god

this man is insufferable

will complain about EVERYTHING

“i cant BREATHE”

“my neck hurts”

“i DONT WANNA TAKE THE MEDICINE IT TASTES LIKE SHIT”

this man will not shut up unless hes alseep

he doesnt do anything in the period hes sick

he gets better in 2-3 days easily but god those 2-3 days are the worst

When Killer is sick Kid acts like hes gonna die

Killer will still do his duties but with lots of breaks to rest

Kid constantly tells him to rest more and the rest of the crew will do his duties

Killer once listened and when he came back the Victoria Punk was in shambles

he’s not doing that again he just takes more breaks

he blows his nose so much and Kid always goes “eewww”

mf acts like he don’t cough up mucus all the time when he’s sick

Killer is usually better in 3-5 days

When you get sick Killer constantly checks up on you and makes sure you don’t push yourself

Kid will just down right avoid you

“you ain’t getting me sick with your damn virus”

Kid makes you sleep in a different room

it’s okay Killer sleeps with you anyway

if you’re sick longer than 3 days he eventually sucks it up cause he hates sleeping alone

when you play board games with them Kid makes up rules as he goes along just to win

but Killer kicks ass in Uno and even if Kid cheats Killer will win

I have so much stupid shit to say about Kid hes so funny

#x reader #one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x gn reader #eustass kid x reader #killer x reader #kid x reader x killer #eustass captain kidd #massacre soldier killer

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cinnbar-bun · 8 months

Text

Popularity- Cross Guild's Day Off 2 (Cross Guild x Reader)

Summary: In which you work with the three Cross Guild officers and Buggy attempts to prove his popularity through a poll. Of course, it's never as simple as it really should be in Cross Guild.

Rating: SFW/Crack

Word Count: ~3k

Notes: No relationships are defined, so feel free to headcanon whatever you want. I know it says x Reader up there and I wrote it in mind that it's a weird ass polycule but I made sure to leave it ambiguous for your reading pleasure. Made in mind with part 1, but can be read as standalone. Features cameos from Alvida, Galdino, and Daz Bones.

A/n: I love these three goofballs so like feel free to request stuff with them or what scenarios you'd like to see them in please???

Read Part 1 here! Read this chapter on my AO3 here!

“It’s really not fair! It’s not fair at all!” Buggy screamed. Mihawk, Crocodile, and you sighed at whatever it was that seemed to be, well, bugging Buggy.

“Will you stop your complaining? Some of us are actually trying to do work here,” Crocodile growled while his fingers continued clicking away on the calculator. “(Y/n), go and hand me the reports for-,”

“Right here, Sir,” you said as you handed him the stack of papers he wanted. Crocodile smirked proudly while his eyes narrowed at Buggy.

“See, why can’t you be like (Y/n)? They know how to get work done.”

“Wha-! I get work done! Plenty of work!”

“Juggling isn’t work.”

“Is too!” Buggy stomped his foot.

“Hardly,” Mihawk chimes in.

“Grrr… you two are just jealous of me! Jealous of how I’m the Star Clown and you two will just be boring, old men!”

Mihawk and Crocodile glanced at each other knowingly and rolled their eyes.

“You’re still bothered by the fact you were not important enough to have any good cards in the deck, aren't you?” Mihawk states bluntly, not bothering to be gentle with Buggy’s fragile ego.

“SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!!” Buggy shouted, gaining the attention from his subordinates outside the office.

“Aw… someone’s upset,” Crocodile teased. You huffed at the two stoic ex-warlords and tried to soothe Buggy.

“Buggy, it’s alright. They’re just silly cards. Look around you, you have so many employees happy to work for you because they really admire you as captain,” you say genuinely while patting his head. Buggy sniffles and nods.

“You’re right, (Y/n), you’re right,” Buggy agrees. He wipes his eyes and nose with his hand before he bounces back to life, clenching his fists. “That’s very true! All these people love me and would die for me! So those card makers don’t know anything! I’m the most popular one here!”

“Wait, what…” you wince, while Crocodile and Mihawk groan.

“Thanks, (Y/n), now he’s gonna do something stupid again,” Crocodile sighed.

“Buggy, all I’m saying is-” you try to fix your error, but Buggy shakes his head.

“Nope! You just gave me an amazing idea!”

“Here we go again,” Mihawk mumbles.

“W-what’s the idea?” You ask Buggy.

“Obviously, to really settle the matter, we need to hold a popularity contest!” Buggy proclaims.

“We really don’t have to. No one cares about this except you,” Crocodile says blandly while he opens the folder you gave him.

“Haha! You’re just saying that because you know deep down that I will win when it comes to Cross Guild!” Buggy eggs Crocodile on. “They love me here!”

“I really don’t care-”

“So, to finally gather once and for all who the most popular is-”

“God damn it.”

“I’m going to poll the others!” Buggy announces, grabbing a random clipboard from your desk.

“Isn’t that rather biased?” Mihawk asked.

“Biased? What are you talking about?” Buggy raises his brow. “You think Imma lie about this?”

“Yes,” all of you respond. Buggy lets out an offended gasp and frowns.

“Well then, what do you suggest, smart guy?” Buggy yells at Mihawk.

“Having only you go around and then return with results will obviously not be the most accurate. We need to send a third party that won’t lie,” Mihawk explains.

The three men turn to look at you.

“Why do I have to do it?” You fold your arms. “I have work to do!”

“I’ll pay you extra for this week in order to have Buggy shut up,” Crocodile states.

“Do you think I can be swayed so easily with money?”

“Yes,” the three men respond. You swipe the clipboard from Buggy.

“Damn right I am,” you state as you pick up your favorite pen from your desk.

“Now then, since you’re going to be polling, I expect truthful and honest answers,” Mihawk demands. “No one can lie or cheat this.”

“Before we do this, none of you are allowed to know who voted for who,” you add. “I’m not having you fire or hunt down some poor employee because they voted for Mihawk or something.” “Well that won’t happen,” Buggy comments. “No one is gonna vote for Mihawk to begin with.”

Now it’s Mihawk’s turn to be offended. “What do you mean by that, Buggy? Do I need to silence you for good?”

“Eek! All I’m saying is, you hardly ever step out of the office or interact with anyone!”

Mihawk stays silent then mumbles, “I interact with others…”

“Oh really? Name one person you’ve interacted with,” Crocodile demands.

“You can’t do that, either,” Mihawk counters.

“That’s just because I don’t give a shit about these people’s names. I still talk to them, though,” Crocodile corrects.

“Fine, (Y/n)!” Mihawk huffs.

“They don’t count.”

“Why don’t they?” Mihawk crosses his arms.

“Because we all see them every day in this office,” Crocodile chides Mihawk. “Name someone.”

“Okay, I guess I cannot name anyone,” Mihawk relents. “Not that it matters in the slightest, by the way. This is a silly and pointless little game.”

“See? No one is gonna vote for you!” Buggy laughs.

“I guess I should kill you now, Buggy,” Mihawk says as he draws Yoru.

“Gaaaahhh! No! Please don’t!” Buggy cries, latching onto you for safety.

“Buggy, please let go,” you sigh. The clown does so shakily and you begin to write on the paper in your clipboard. “Okay… Buggy, Crocodile, Mihawk. There we go. I’ll go around and ask, then. See you guys later.”

“Before you go,” Crocodile begins. You turn to hear him out while he has a big shit-eating grin on his face. “If you’re going to talk to Mr. 3… knock before you enter.”

Your eyes practically bulge out of their sockets from what this could mean as you nod and exit the office.

“Why the hell did you say that?” Buggy questions. Crocodile chuckles, taking a puff from his cigar as he shakes his head.

“Oh, they’ll see soon enough.”

“Favorite head of Cross Guild?” An employee scratches his head. His coworker beside him does the same.

“Wait, uh, they’re not gonna kill us for answering this, are they?” The other one asks.

“Crap, you’re right. Is this some way to weed us out or something?”

You shake your head. “No, no, not at all! This is just a… uh… thing they’re testing for some new merchandise,” you lie.

“Ah,” the two men nod along. “That makes so much sense.”

“Buggy,” the first man states.

“Mmm… yeah, Buggy,” the second adds. “He never harps on us like Sir Crocodile.”

You thank them for the response and tally it to the votes.

“I guess Buggy was right,” you mumble to yourself, seeing as he currently had seven votes out of the seven people you asked. “Maybe we could send these results in to those cardmakers and get a cut of the merchandising.”

Just as you’re about to walk away, Alvida strolls into the room.

“Oh, Alvida! Good morning,” you smile at her. “Can I have a moment of your time?” “(Y/n), dear,” Alvida runs a hand through her hair. “What do you need from the most beautiful woman of the sea?”

“Well, the higher-ups wanted to run a poll,” you show her the paper. “Please vote for your favorite head of Cross Guild.”

She studies the paper for a moment and purses her lips. “Hmm… you know what, I vote for you.”

“What?”

“What? Just put a tally for you,” Alvida suggests nonchalantly.

“But, um, I’m not a head of Cross Guild,” you argue.

“So? You practically are their fourth one. I’m sure they won’t mind. And if they do, they can take it up with me,” Alvida brushes your concerns aside and takes the pen from you. She writes your name down and adds a tally.

“Can I ask why you want to add me?”

“Simple, dear.” Alvida chuckles. “You’re not like those brutes upstairs. You get worked to the bone by them yet still retain your own sense of self. Do you know what that is?”

“No, I don’t think I know what that is-”

“Passion!” Alvida throws her arms in the air. “You are passionate, clean, stylish, and most of all, you are quiet! If anyone is worthy of my vote and attention- it is you!”

“Wow, thank you,” you comment, impressed that Alvida actually gave you a nice compliment.

“Yes, yes, well, what do you think about becoming my assistant instead of working for them?” Alvida winks.

“Ah sorry, I’m pretty happy where I am right now,” you quickly shut down. Alvida clicks her tongue.

“Hm… perhaps you’d prefer to be my partner instead? You would be a good match by my side.”

“Would you look at the time!” You awkwardly laugh. “Bye, Alvida!”

“Bye, darling. Don’t worry though, we’ll pick this conversation up another time~,” she waves. You sigh in relief as you walk away that she didn’t mace you immediately. Still, there’s work to be done.

You walk into the staff lounge and greet the other members there, who cheerfully greet you back.

“Sorry to bother you guys, but if you could just fill out this poll, that would be great. And don’t worry, no one will know of the results, so please be as honest as you can!”

The clipboard gets passed along by the staff members, who quickly add a tally mark to the poll. In less than a minute, all twenty people in the lounge have responded.

“Wow, thank you guys. You guys are quick,” you joke, taking back the clipboard.

“The choice was obvious,” one of the employees answers, and the others nod. You wonder who they voted for when you look at the paper, only to see your name has now over twenty marks attached to it. Your eyes widen and you politely thank the others as you step out of the room.

It was one thing when Alvida did as she pleased, but now the others were voting for you in droves. You took a deep breath. Crocodile, Mihawk, and Buggy surely wouldn’t kill you for this, would they? After all, Alvida herself said they could bring it up with her. Yeah, that was okay. This was just a silly joke anyways.

You continue to collect polls, feeling touched yet also nervous when you found that every employee had checked you off as their favorite. It got so bad that you had to use a second page to collect all the tallies that the employees were adding to your name.

As the number of employees left to ask dwindled, you remembered to get Daz Bones and Galdino’s polls. You figured the choice would be clear for them- Crocodile. After all, they were very loyal to him and even continued their work relationship into Cross Guild. It would also allow for Crocodile to at least get some vote from his current tally at zero.

You had scoured for them all around the base, but didn’t find any sign of their presence. Just as you were about to give up, you found Daz Bones peacefully sitting, probably waiting for his next assignment.

“Daz! Can I-”

“(Y/n), I have no interest,” he cut you off.

“It’s for Crocodile,” you add, knowing he wouldn’t participate otherwise. Daz nods and then urges you to step closer. You show him the clipboard and he raises a brow.

“Crocodile really cares about this sort of thing?”

“It’s mostly because of Buggy,” you explain, and Daz nods, connecting the dots. He quickly tallies a mark to Crocodile’s name. “Thank you, Daz!”

“You’re welcome,” he gruffly responds.

“Oh, and do you know where Galdino is?”

“Why should I know? Perhaps he’s in his room,” Daz shrugs. You should’ve guessed that but wave goodbye and walk to Galdino’s room. You’re about to knock when you remember Crocodile’s ominous warning echoing in your head again.

“Knock before you enter…”

You were going to do that anyways, but the weird way Crocodile said it made you grimace. You nervously rapped your knuckles against Galdino’s door. You heard a huff and a lot of grumbling as Galdino swung open the door.

“What do you w-,” he angrily yells until he gasps when he sees it’s you. “(Y/n)! Ah! Uh! Please excuse me!”

You briefly notice a large wax statue on the table before Galdino slams the door on your face. You jump when you hear Galdino freaking out and throwing things around his studio. Something metal is grating against the floor as you hear Galdino struggle to move the obviously heavy object.

“G-Galdino? Is this a bad time?” You call out.

“No, no, no! It’s fine! Perfectly fine! Hahaha there’s nothing weird going on here!” Galdino answers from inside his room as something crashes to the floor and Galdino swears.

It’s silent for a moment until Galdino opens the door, leaning against the frame and trying to give you a charming smile while some wax is now splattered against his pants and shirt.

“So, (Y/n), what brings you to my studio?” He asks while forcing his voice to sound lower, pushing up his glasses.

“Ah, the heads wanted to take a little poll. Mind answering?”

“Anything for- I mean-,” Galdino coughs and lowers his voice again. “Anything for you, (Y/n).”

He takes the clipboard from you and begins to notice the options, quickly marking a tally next to your name.

“There you go- wait a minute!” He looks horrified as realization sets in that there’s only one tally next to Crocodile- most likely Daz, he thinks. Crocodile would absolutely know right away that Galdino didn’t choose him, and the thought makes Galdino nearly pass out. “I-I need to change my vote!”

“Sure,” you give the clipboard back to him and Galdino scribbles over the one he gave you to mark one next to Crocodile.

“Kh... but we’re supposed to be honest…” Galdino mutters. He glances at you, and seeing you patiently waiting and smiling at him makes his heart tighten.

Gah! Who am I supposed to choose?! My muse or my boss?!

“Are you alright, Galdino?” You asked, making Galdino struggle to form words. Instead, he scribbled over the mark he put next to Crocodile and re-marked a tally next to your name.

He hands the clipboard back to you and you smile and wave to him. “Thank you, Galdino!”

“Y-you’re very welcome!” Galdino shouts, unable to control his voice properly around you. You turn around and head back to the office while Galdino lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

He was most likely going to die after this, but seeing your smile was all worth it. He could die happy, even knowing that Crocodile would probably drain him of life later.

You, however, didn’t notice the longing look Galdino gave you as you open the door to the office.

“Well, I got all the votes!”

“Well, who won?” Buggy immediately jumps forward and steals the clipboard from you. He notices that Crocodile and Mihawk hardly have any, with only Crocodile have a mark. “See I wo…”

His face darkened as he noticed he had only seven votes.

“What’s the matter, Buggy?” Crocodile smirked. “Can’t handle the fact you lost?”

“I… wha…” Buggy grips the clipboard roughly, nearly snapping it in half. “How the hell did (Y/n) get all the votes!?”

Crocodile and Mihawk are caught off guard.

“Wait, what? (Y/n) won?” Crocodile repeated.

“I thought I told you to be fair and not cheat!” Mihawk accused you, his golden hawk eyes glaring into yours.

“I-it wasn’t my fault! Alvida was the one who put my name on the list!” You try to defend yourself.

“Give me that-” Crocodile snaps as he swipes the poll from Buggy’s hand. Crocodile grunts as he notices page after page marked with tallies from the employees choosing you. He sees Mihawk has none, but that his name has one mark (Daz, of course), and one crossed off (that bastard, Galdino-). Given Crocodile’s attentiveness, he does recognize that yours and Alvida’s handwriting is different, so your story is credible. He huffs and tosses the clipboard, making Mihawk lean over curiously.

“Not even one vote…” he murmurs.

Buggy, meanwhile, is distraught, crying on the floor and banging it repeatedly.

“It’s not fair! Not fair at all! I hate this! I’m the star!” Buggy wails out loud.

At first, Crocodile did this as a joke to satiate Buggy, but even his own ego is hurt by this new poll.

“I take it back, you’re getting docked again,” Crocodile threatens, pointing his cigar at you.

“What?! But I spent all day getting this with the promise of money!”

“I changed my mind! I wanted a good poll, not whatever the hell this was!” Crocodile yells back.

“Recount! Recount this!” Buggy shouts.

“I refuse to lose this competition. Give me an hour, I will win this,” Mihawk says, pushing himself off his couch as he walks out the door to do who knows what.

The ensuing commotion causes some of the Cross Guild members to peek through the door and watch Buggy screaming in agony at losing while you’re sobbing at the fact you’re losing money due to this dumb poll.

Alvida rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

“Would you guys cut this noise out? It’s driving me mad!”

“Alvida! This is all your fault!” Buggy yells at Alvida in tears. “I was supposed to win, not (Y/n)!”

Alvida frowns at Buggy and twirls her mace in her hands. “Are you questioning my decisions?”

Buggy gulps as he sees the mace casting a shadow over him.

“N-no, not at all!” He quickly corrects himself, praying Alvida will not maim him to death.

“That’s what I thought.”

#one piece x reader #one piece #one piece oneshots #crocodile x reader #sir crocodile #dracule mihawk x reader #dracule mihawk #buggy x reader #buggy the clown #sir crocodile x reader #cross guild #cross guild x reader #cross guild's day off #x reader #reader insert

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oopslmaorip · 3 months

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I'm just imagining a fanfic where River gets out of the library and is FURIOUS at the Doctor for "leaving her like a book on the shelf" and is determined to cut all ties with them...

Except for the tiny problem: they got married on so many different planets. To cut all ties with the Doctor, they have to go back and go through divorce proceedings and rituals for each planet. (More adventures and crazy shenanigans for them to get up to!)

On each trip, River keeps remembering tidbits and jokes and why she fell in love with the Doctor but is still angry and resolute. The Doctor is devastated. They're still trying to win her back and is desperate for her forgiveness. Cue tension that can only be gotten from enemies to lovers (except not really enemies... Divorcees to lovers again? Being known and yet not wanting to be).

Eventually they land on an uninhabited area (moon, asteroid, planet, anything) and tensions are so high it just explodes and there's a massive argument and the big ole confessions, "I'm in love with you!" and it maybe it has a nice little bookend where they travel back to their first divorce (or a world they've never been) and get married.

And they lived happily ever after. With a lot of healthy communication.

Bonus points for River and the TARDIS interacting (either the TARDIS protests against River leaving them or they gang up on the Doctor), their old phrases and references to their past (Always and completely forgiven/I hate you sometimes/You are always here to me. I always listen/Hiding the damage), or even the Master. (Polycule incoming? The mind races...)

I just think they're neat.

#river song #doctor who #yowzah #space wives #doctorriver #doctor x river #river song x the doctor

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not-quite-so-intrepid-hero · 5 months

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honestly qpr bad kids polycule is so fun. Smooch the homies. Adaine is dating Fabian, who is dating gorgug, and Kristen, who with gorgug are both dating fig. Riz isn’t dating anyone but he gets to sleep in the Alaska king bed too

This is how it all starts, post Freshman Year:

- Fig kisses Gorgug on Tour: His lips tingle for days where her enthusiasm pressed against him in the heat of the moment, and she forgets in the chaos afterwards and he never says anything, but can’t stop touching his lips every now and then

- (Fig remembers.)

- [[At the end of the summer, Zelda holds his hand softly, smiling sadly, and says that she needs time to figure herself out before they can truly be together. But they hang out a lot during the school year, one of the 7 maidens always dragging their feet behind Z, the two rolling their eyes at Gorgug’s moony eyes, and the utter obliviousness of the Bad Kids]]

- ((Until Penny catches Adaine and Fabian making out in a hallway and thinks there’s finally been a breakthrough))

- ((,, that blows up weeks later))

- Fabian and Adaine first kiss over the summer after Freshman year, and agree to never talk about it again (though it happens 3 more times over sophomore year)

- First: Fabian, Adaine, and Riz are gathered at his office to discuss the events of Freshman year, Riz is caught up in his board as always, and the argument between Fabian and Adaine devolves until finally (and neither knows who initiated) they’re furiously kissing- more like a battle than a sign of affection. Neither wins. They break away sharply, Adaine wiping her mouth before making a frivolous excuse and escaping. In the aftermath, Fabian smoothing out his shirt, he’s grateful that Riz was preoccupied and missed the last minute of confrontation

- (He hadn’t. Riz saw, a swooping feeling in his stomach, like falling off a cliff)

2. Less than a month into sophomore year, Fabian presses Adaine against a wall in an abandoned corridor, baiting her until she bucks against him, biting his lips more than kissing them

3. Fabian kisses her on the way to practice. She’s pouring over books in the library, and barely looks up as they turn to leave. Rolling his eyes, Fabian bend down and presses a kiss against her cheek. She swats at him immediately and he trots off, laughing. “I’ll curse you, Seacaster!” She yells after him

4. Everyone’s over at Fabian’s, and him and Adaine are alone in the yard. He says something dumb, she rolls her eyes, and he presses a thumb against her lips before leaning in. Just as their lips touch, Gorgug opens the door and calls out to them

- (He saw, and he’s worried. The two fight like cats and dogs.)

5. She’s studying in the Library when Fig and Fabian come to harass her. They tell her she’s taking this too seriously and she snaps and says they’re not taking it seriously enough. When she storms out, Fabian follows, pulling gently on her arm and trying to tuck her into an embrace. As his lips brush against the curve of her ear, Adaine pulls away and sneers at him. “I won’t be a standin for my sister again”

- (They don’t talk for awhile.)

- Adaine barges into Kristen and Trackers room later that day to ask K about something, interrupting something intimate, and just loses it. Kristen immediately runs after her and Tracker knows

- Adaine is a mess��️ but Fig and Kristen make sure to pull her out of her over-studying-self-harm sessions and the three of them hangout a lot more. One day they’re busy and shove her at Gorgug- who ends up being incredibly soothing to Adaine’s nerves so they start hanging out a lot. She comes over and studies at the Thistlespring tree. His parents love her

- Gorgug is in love with Fig. Still hung up a bit on Zelda, but he’s starting to see why they broke up (why are all his friends in love with each other and why is he the only one to see it). He doesn’t feel that way about Adaine. It’s different with her. He wraps an arm around her and pulls her into his side one night, when she starts sniffling after bringing up her family, and he knows he loves her, but he’ll never be in love with her. But that’s okay, because this is great too.

- With the girls busy and Gorgug blowing him off a lot of times at/after practice, Fabian starts hanging out with Riz more

- (Gorgug is rage. And he tries not to be, especially to his friends. So he avoids Fabian for a bit, until he can have a conversation with him without spitting at him that he is hurting Adaine constantly)

- (Fabian is hurt too. He thought him and Adaine were getting closer, he doesn’t understand what went wrong, why she’s so mad. So he starts bringing up Aelwyn again. It doesn’t make him feel better)

- Riz is,, not thrilled. (he doesn’t want to be a replacement) but he likes hanging out with Fabian. It takes time away from the mystery, but they go out and get shakes at Basrar’s and mini golf. And it’s so nice (too bad he doesn’t want you that way)

- A week before spring break Fabian jokes about getting his kisses in and Riz slams a book way too hard onto a desk

- Fabian dreams about his friends, in a circle, passing a bottle of elvish wine around a fire. In it, Adaine licks the wine from his lips before leaning to settle in against Gorgug, Kristen and Fig are wrapped together in a blanket, with Fig holding Gorgug’s hand, and Riz is leaning his head against his shoulder, and as Fabian leans down to kiss his forehead- he wakes up

Spring Break Happens. It changes everything and nothing at all (they spend way too much time being messy and misunderstanding each other, but it works out eventually)

I could keep going but I shouldn’t this is already so long lmao, canon-compliant except for Zelda and Gorgug but I could easily adjust that for a long term realization on Zelda’s part over Sophomore year / explains her jealousy yk, and then this doesn’t account for junior year much but it easily could be extended, esp bc they’re on the road so long for the night yorb… the drama continues

To recap:

Fabian is dating Riz and is also with Adaine

Adaine is queerplatonic with Gorgug, has her thing with Fabian, also has a hard-to-explain thing with Kristen

Kristen is with Tracker- who’s cool with the poly stuff (obvi they break up junior year tho so readjust that), Adaine, and Fig (esp with their connection junior year, it’s almost like soulmates who’re dating and primarily with other people)

Fig has Ayda, her and Gorgug do eventually figure it out, and Kristen (Ayda thinks it’s only fitting her paramour is with the greatest wizard of this age and someone who is the cool twilight to Fig’s burning day- if only she knew how right she was)

Gorgug’s with Fig and queerplatonic with Adaine, and knows he’ll find another partner comfortably in the future

Riz is dating Fabian, and that’s all for now and that’s okay (in another version of this him and Gorgug are together as well but that’s not what I envision. Though… hmm)

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