#THE POINT IS I NEED TO PICK A TOWN + HIKE FOR MY BIRTHDAY

[six-of-ravens]

hmmmm i know going up to banff on the friday of the long weekend is probably a bad idea, but also what if i went to banff on my birthday?

[random2908]

So, the other day my "low empathy" friend invited me to go hiking with her and another of her friends today. The plan was that she was going to pick me up at home and drive me to the city where her friend lives, about 45 minutes away, and we'd have lunch and then go hiking there.

It turned out that she'd scheduled something else there immediately after, with a second friend, that neither I nor her first friend were invited to. Which she, first of all, didn't mention until we were at lunch. And second of all, since, at lunch, she said she really wanted her second friend to meet me, she didn't make it clear that I wasn't invited until she was dropping off her first friend at home after the hike, and asked if she could just drop me at the nearest BART station.

I said ok, because what was I even going to do at that point. But I pointed out that I live three miles from a BART station and was going to have to take a Lyft home after the train. So I checked what it would cost to take a Lyft the whole way, and it was $45, and (counting wait times on both ends) more than half an hour faster. To her credit she did offer on her own to venmo me for the Lyft. I said for next time we could meet at the BART station rather than my apartment, and then if I had to take the BART home at least my car would be there.

Anyway, so that was not the kind of thing that I expected to happen to me at age 40, getting suddenly ditched 45 minutes from home. I barely would have expected it at age 22, back when I knew her better. I also would have been furious, but I was just resigned; between this and her sleeping through my entire birthday party after promising to drive an out-of-town friend to it (her apology consisted only of saying she shouldn't have made the promise), now I know who she is as an adult, I guess. In the future I will have to reconsider my stance that I just moved to a new place and need to make friends, and so can't turn down any invitations.

[rhythm-catsandwine]

Birthday

From "Art and Bass Strings"

This was originally posted on January 15th.

Adam felt Justin stretch in his arms, and he nestled his face deeper into brown and gray curls. He hummed and pressed their bodies together. They were home on their farm. Justin’s dog curled up on the foot of the bed, alarm unset. Last night was like any other home. Years of living mostly on the road on tour has made them no stranger to late-night life. Shows getting over at midnight. Then finally cuddling or fucking in bed sheets in the dark morning hours. Things didn’t change much as far as sleep schedule when they weren’t working, but this was their first morning back home.

“Coffee?” Justin rolled over and pressed their foreheads together. 

“Yes,” They kissed short and sweet but deep before Adam felt the bed shift as Justin dragged himself out of their nest. “I’ll be up in a bit.”

“No hurry luv. N happy birthday,” He kissed the other on his temple. “I’m going on a hike after a spot of breakfast. If you want to join.”

“Totaly.” He copied his husband's accent as he reluctantly sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The spot at his feet was cold and empty. Its last occupant had crossed the rainbow bridge a year before. “Hey, are going to try and kill me with chocolate again?”

“Dunno!” The voice came from down the hall. Justin always made sure Adam got his favorite treats on his birthday.

He pulled the blankets back and shivered before quickly padding to the kitchen. “Hey!” Justin handed him a cup of dark chocolatey art. “It’s a-” The art in the foam of the coffee drink looked like a deformed hippo. 

“Wos going to be a scull.” Justin had picked up a few things from some barista he met on tour one year.

Adam laughed. “It looks like some hippo. Deformed in like, some science experiments gone wrong. 

Soon they walked down the trail winding through their land. Billy the shepherd mix ran ahead to make sure the path was safe for her owner and his partner. They paused at the quarter-way point when Justin’s phone buzzed. 

“We need to turn back. I’ve got to go into town to get your birthday present.”

“No, you have to turn back early. Billy’s used to go the entire way,” Adam scratched the pup behind the ears. “Why don’t you already have my present? You keep going on about it.”

Justin opened his mouth and paused as if he had nearly said the wrong thing. “It’s ready, finally. I have to get it from Maynard and Dan.”

“Fine.” He grumbled.

“I’ll be back soon.” Justin half ran down the dirt path, after giving the other a quick kiss.

“Hey! You have a nice ass!”  Adam called out and smirked when Justin giggled and disappeared behind the hill. 

Adam was one comic down, with five to go when he heard the door from the door from the garage open. Billy perked up and tilted her head to the side in curiosity. “What is it?” He asked her. That’s when he heard it. Little clicks of puppy claws, running down the hall. Billy jumped up to greet not one but two Australian shepherd puppies. One on the floor one in Justin’s arms with a blue bow around her neck.

“You got me puppies?” Adam said brightly.

“Named that one Cliff,” Justin tilted his head at the red and black puppy playing with the older dog. “Sorry. Just felt right.” He handed over the little girl with paws. “They were the last two of the litter and a bonded pair. “

Adam ran his fingers through white fur speckled with back and blue. “They’re both beautiful, but you are still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Justin kissed the other’s temple. “Wot, ya gonna name her?”

Adam chewed on his lip, something he did when concentrating on a drawing or other piece of art. “Metallica.”

Art and Bass Strings

Master list

Ao3

[muffindaddystyles]

KISMETS.

Harry Styles x fem!reader.

Slow burn, platonic love and jealousy clićhes.

Fluff! Fluff! Fluff!

Frenemies and dad!harry.

Author's Note: The concept's kinda weird but if you've watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Phoebe Buffay carrying child for someone. You've got it my pal!

MASTERLIST LETS TALK! PART 2 PART 3 PART 4

"Can ya stop breathing like, THAT!?" She whisper yells twisting to give him a sharp glare full of spleen elbow poking at his side abs, "Like what!?" He half squeaks peering down at her with doe eyes palms flat at sides to convey his surprise.

"Like a train engine whistling -- it's annoying." She mutters rolling her eyes and turning back to listen to instructor.

"Now, I can't even breath without ye' comin' fo' me throat?" He grits with a kink of brows and when she confirms with a no --- He gasps dramatically. It's gonna be a long journey of Hell for them. Harry hates her hormones. Little bitches.

Or

Y/N is carrying a baby for Harry and his girlfriend ---  but something went downhill.

//

Twinkling droplets of crystal rain pelts against the bricked road subsiding harsh noises of surrounding but a nettled groan caught everyone's attention ‐‐‐ stares turning in direction. Have you ever wanted to just disappear under a warm invisible cloak and enjoy the drollery aspects of life without worrying? Because this is what Y/N wants at the moment as she stands under the bus stop shelter with few people beside her and the british showers starts pouring mocking at her for not carrying an umbrella with her.

Everyone leaves when the bus didn't arrive — who remains behind's Y/N huffing and pouting wishing for rain to stop. When it didn't she muttered a 'fuck it' before risking catching a cold and stepping under the pitter patter with her books atop her head for less damage.

Trying to punch in the passcode of society's gate with shivery fingers perhaps it opens before that startling her wet-y self. Similar car drives near her and a head pops in from inside with his big goofy smile and crinkles by his charming eyes, "Ni!" She exclaims pushing away the drippy hair sticking to her lips with her pinky.

"Pet you're gonna catch a cold. Want me to drop ya?" Niall kinda yells over the rain's loudness. She sighs fog whirling infront of her. Shoves her hand in her trench coat's pocket to seek for heat instead it's all icky and drenching.

"No it's just a tiny walk away. I'll manage — call me will tell ya how my class went." She waves him looking at him from her shoulder while rushing away towards the most elegant house in the block. Niall gives her a thumbs up from before getting out of sight and she tries to hop over the puddles of water to make it to doorsteps.

The water she brings from outside pooling at the dark timber floor - it trails behind her past the pink door as she rushes jumpy-ly where the most hot's in the house and apparently it's more than she expected, "ouch. ouch my eyes!!" She screams covering them at the sight of Harry butt naked pinning his girlfriend against the wall near fire place. Her face turning into a tomato at the horrendous raid but she seems pissed and well . . displeased that Y/N ruined a mind boggling orgasm for her.

Before, they could disattach from eachother to unravel their humiliation Y/N jogged up to attic into the guest room slamming her forehead against the door to knock away the embarrassment. She always barges in Harry's house without announcing but sometimes she forgets he isn't alone everytime his girlfriend comes to live by every two weeks (it's his fault too that he never locks the main door as anytime anyone's coming at his place). Changes into clothes she forgets at her visits, tries to dry her hair with a towel that no-more smells like Harry but expensive fabric softeners and has a pep talk for a minute to show herself down infront of them.

Instinctive voices coming from the Kitchen and she pads towards it. They act like nothing happened. Like Harry wasn't dick deep into Chessie moments ago. Harry ushers her to barstool and hands her a cuppa tea moving on with a kiss to her head. It still gives her butterflies even though how many sense awakening scoldings she gave to herself at 3 ams.

"'M sorry." She squeaks with a wavering smile wrapping her palms around the mug. Harry cackles softly brushing the underbelly of his nose as Chessie cordinated the cutlery drawer, "'s okay moppet. we finished our business when ye' left." Y/N almost choked on her hot beverage gulping it down when Chessie shocked gasp throwing little socksies that were laying ontop of the counter at Harry. Are those of toddler? Adam's out of town so there's no way it could be his daughter's socks. Maybe Chessies's one of friend's?

"Should've called me t' pick y'up. Niall was loafin' around too —- wear it you're turnin' blue, pet." He comes back with a swarmy chunky knitted sweater Anne gifted him at his birthday handing it to Y/N and sitting opposite of her pulling Chessie with her wrist into his lap clearing his throat to bring Y/N's attention back from eyeing the socks on the floor. Her eyes flicker between them chest tightening at the love and glow that radiates from Harry when he looks at her.

No. She's not jealous. Mightyyyy bit yeah –- cause she could never be this lucky to have someone as Harry. He's the most caring towards her since ten years been her compass to the home she wanted, her anchor saving her from sinking and the sixth sense of a blind to her. In fact she thinks he's her soulmate and not every soulmates needs to be romantically involved some could watch them growing beautiful in love. Y/N's doing it. Admiring the maturity of his life with the person that truly makes him enough---or she thinks so.

"How was ye'r meditation class?" Harry asks (she took a semester off as she was unable to haul the burden'; Harry convinced her how her health should be her first priority) breaking a cookie in two giving half of it to Chessie who thanks him with a kiss in return, "Was good been feelin' great!" She chirps pulling the sleeves of the sweater that's drenched in cinnamon vanilla-y smell with lingers of what comes of as Chessie's scent. She assumes they cuddled shit loads.

To subside the gnaw in her brain down she finally asks the question pointing at the sock that nobody gave a heed to pick up, they stop chewing looking at eachother to come up with something. Chessie's face distressed knowing Harry wouldn't hide it from Y/N. He tells her everything and sometimes it could be too personal to share.

"Erm. . I bought 'em — 'cos. . " Harry stammers and Y/N smacks her hand atop her mouth avoiding from giving a shocked reaction, "Oh my goodness ye' guys are pregnant!?" It was enough to make Chessie flinch and hike down Harry's lap.

"No! 'S not what ye'r thinkin'." He shakes his head making Y/N confused. "Then you bought it fo' your fingers? Cause that's the only body part it could fit." She teases him to break through the insight tension around and he chuckles shaking his head grabbing Chessie's hand rubbing her knuckles how he used to when Y/N's anxious and over the edge.

"We want to have a family." His words low as he looks at Chessie but she shrugs in return as 'in it is what it is'. Y/N stomach twisted at that. The thought that one day He's gonna have a family of his own and the little bubble that Y/N would be privy to made her throat dry. Because she has no-one despite Harry and he deserves the whole world not just baby keeping Y/N everytime.

"So . .? What's the problem?" She raises her brows looking between them noticing Harry's fingers fiddle with the flower tea mats, "There are complications from Chessie's side." Chessie sighs in disappointment and Y/N ponders over the idea, clocks working and spindling wildly in her mind.

"I could do that for you guys — since I took a semester off --–" She puts the offer nervously and both of their jaws went slack Harry with an adoring grin while Chessie in hitting shock. "--Erm we could go through a traditional surrogacy."

"Are you sure?" Chessie asks squeezing her shoulder and Y/N nodded taking both of their hands, "Anything for ye' guys!" Harry's eyes glossing over and he leaves his spot sprawling his arms calling for her, "Gimme a hug pet. Life saver ye're - we're gonna take care of ye." They group hug tightly and excitedly.

Sometimes actions could speak much more than words because the lies that words hold could ruin the great bondages.

. . .

They went through the medical procedure two days after Her, Harry and Chessie being guided by their acquired doc. She was nervous and sweaty but Harry's presence beside her soothed out any negativity that was building inside her brain. By womb the babies would be Harry's and Y/N but legally Chessie's and Harry. She's just wishing that everything goes alright cause that happiness of them is million worthy to her.

People might call her stupid and brainless for going through sickness, crankiness, back pains and the pain during labour just to give those babies to someone else (she's too afraid to call them her's cause she knows her emotional attachments could be very destructive) but she loves Harry and love makes you do those thingies.

At the moment she's on the toilet seat eyes bolted shut counting threes with the pregnancy test in her wavering fingers. "Please it better work." A squeal of surprise leaves her lungs when her eyes fell over the two positive lines quickly dragging her panties over she tumbled outside where everyone's waiting for her.

"You guys are pregnant!!" Sounds dumb right? She announces loudly. Harry's and Chessie's heads perked up while everyone cheered beers spilling from the rims. She flashed grins to each one of them splitting her gaze away from Harry giving Chessie a celebratory kiss.

"Thank you. Oh my god, love! Can't belive it." Harry held her from shoulders giving her a toothy smile and it puts her off that Chessie didn't say anything just a nod along Harry. "Me too." She breathes out as he leads her to sofa sitting her cautiously. "We'll visit the doctor tommorrow." He reassures popping his head from Sarah's neck as she hugged him tight.

"We're gonna have a little Y/N and Harry running and pooping it's nappies soon." Everyone went silent. A grimace on Y/N and Chessie's face. Niall doesn't know when to shut up does he? Y/N's gonna strangle him alive. Harry laughed out aloud not caring about the thick tension in room, "I'll rip ye'r hair if you'll turn me baby into a golf freak Niall." His baby.

Niall raises his hands in defence, "No guarantees Harold."

. . .

They had a check-up and Y/N indeed's pregnant. Harry's over the moon. Kissing her forehead. Thanking her for millionth time – to the point she told him to let her watch telly in peace and shut up. Chessie bringing her organic vegan dishes that Y/N isn't a fan of but eats nevertheless under Harry's stern gaze. "'S not about them only I want ye' to be healthy too, pet. Can't be selfish now can I?" He'd insist.

When she'd be sick he'd be at her side giving her back rubs while Chessie stood at the doorframe of washroom. Y/N thinks since she's pregnant her womanly instincts has gotten more sharp as she sensed something's off between the pair.

He'd be at her flat early morning waking her up to have a morning walk with him not giving in her grunts and whines. Who'd want to leave their crispy warm bed to just be out in the cold? A fool like Harry only. Making her brekkie afterwards as a reward giggling and massaging her shoulders when she'd gobble down food like a greedy squirrel, "Easy there love. 'S all yours."

Chessie's back at LA. They had a small argument because Harry wants her to be participating in all of this as much as he's. But, her priorities are not set for this. They never were.

Y/N was at Harry's place nibbling onto chocolate cupcakes Anne sent specifically for her with a note ("my grandchild shouldn't be privy to their Nana's bakin' skills all my love to Y/N." along a winky smiley) when she spilled cold milk all over her nooked tee-shirt. Harry gave her his clothes to change into and baby wipes but she warded him with a scoff that water exists. She has become more feisty with each passing day.

Was discarding the tee when her gaze fell over the sveltest of bump in the mirror taking her breath away. It makes her realize it's all real. She never touches her belly in fear if she'd she will never stop. Now, when the pads of her fingers skim alongs the skin it strips shivers down her spine. She always wanted this. Not in this scenario though. Shaking her head of the thoughts she slips Harry's hoodie over it climbing down the stairs and it causes Harry to snap his head in alert. He stops chopping the carrots spinning to see Y/N standing feet away from him.

"My baby bump's showing." Her voice almost a whisper and it widens Harry's pupils as his hands fell in air midway between them hesitant to reach her, "Can I see?" She bobs her head shyly cheeks blazing red while revealing the bump for Harry to see. It's not like he hasn't seen her before. He has. But, this's more intimate than all of that. It made him fall on his knees. He's a sensitive person in general. Pure from heart but during this period it seems like he's pregnant not Y/N which's quite amusing too.

"She's beautiful." His gaze full of adoration. "She?" Y/N furrows her brow with a smile. He bobbed his head with a grin, "Think so our baby's gonna be she." Now that's the problem cause Y/N doesn't know which ours he's talking about.

"My pregnancy instincts says it's he." He scoffs, "Bet!?" She rolls her eyes forwarding her fist to do the hand shake they do while betting, "If you loose your pink macbook gonna be mine." They solid the deal with their traditional shake.

"Can I touch it?" Harry's asks politely. When she gives him permission he spreads his warm palms flat against her tummy tongue tied with the affection boozing in his veins for the baby that's not out in the world yet. Y/N eyes flutters and her fingers twitches by her sides from carding them into his hair. This's wrong she scolds herself. Her hormones all over the place.

"You wanna send a picture to Chessie?" At this his lips thinned and he gave her a curt nod standing up to fetch his phone, "Sure. But she might be busy..." on the verge of spitting his words in vile.

. . .

Y/N was reading a crime mystery book. Stroking the side of her baby bump carelessly. Cosy in her blanket hoodie telly murmuring in the distance. "Your dad's taste in books is shit, innit?" She peers down with a smile. It's the first time she's talking to them. "We'll read loads of good books together so that when you'll grow up – I could know what to gift you on Christmas." She tries to grab more popcorns from the bowl but it's empty. "Wanna be best aunt out there!!"

"Will you miss me? As much as I'll when we'll be separated?" Tears well up at her waterline. She huffs through her nose running her hand down her belly several times. It's coming; the breakdown she was toiling for days. "I know it sucks I cant be your mommy." Her cravings kicking in and all she want's a strawberry oreo icecream.

"Oh no. Seriously? I'm sad and ye' lil bean want an ice? Let's call your daddy and see what he got." She rings him and he picks up on the third one. Voice groggy from the sleep. She wants to feel bad but she isn't when all her taste buds could think of is strawberry flavour.

"'M cravin' strawberry ice-cream bad. . . Is it possible for ya to bring one?" He's already throwing duvets off his body reaching for his phone and wallet, "No worries pet I'll be there in tick."

"What the fuck Harry? It's three in the mornin'." Chessie groaned from beside him throwing pillow at her face. "We already stored her fridge with alot of food — " She squints about to change the side.

"She's carrying a baby for us Chess. Ye should know better since ya didn't wanted to." She sits up like bullet folding her arms against her chest.

"Thank you for throwing it at my face, H." He doesn't even spare her a glance walking outside and Chessie wants to scream at the top of her lungs. Why did she even agreed to this?

. . .

When he bought her ice-cream she throws herself in his arms kissing his cheek and he giggled in return feeling good when her bump pressed against him. They ate ice-cream with a bantering mess discussing names of the babies, the one that Chessie and Harry decided, him telling her about the little onesies they bought hearing that Y/N stood up taking out a little bag from the chests of drawers.

"I hope you wouldn't mind." She mutters showing him the lil knitted gloves and Harry slid his palm above her's wrapping them snugly, "I don't want ye' to think ya can't love on 'em 'cos after all it's ye'r womb they belong too." Her lip wobbles at his words and she stuffs her face against his chest fisting the hem. It fred away butterflies inside Harry. He sucka his lip. He shouldn't be acting like this. He has a girlfriend that he's gonna have a baby with. They're happy or atleast he thinks so.

They've been bestfriend for years and those feelings never drowned him. Is it because now she's having his babies? Maybe? Harry tries to convince himself.

When he looks down Y/N's drooling onto his shirt deep into slumber. He pecks her hair slipping his arms under her to hold her firmly against his chest. Laying her on the bed tucking her under blankets.

. . .

It sounds like multiple thuds as doctor hovered the ultrasound device over her gelled cover belly. Her belly growing way faster than it should. Her gaze glued at the ceiling fingers crossed. Harry and Chessie holding hands tight gazes fixed at the screen both of them confused at the disoriented image. They all were on the edge of their seats waiting for their turns. Y/N wished that someone could give her a huge warm hug to soothe her nerves down. But, in the first place she shouldn't be worried about the gender as it's none of concern but theirs. It's getting hard day by day.

"It's twins!" Doctor announces chirply getting a wave of silence in return. But, soon the room filled with happy giggles and gasps of Harry as he went to hug Chessie who's expressionless from shock. Y/N pouts wishing it was her. Smiling at doctor when she squeezed her hand in consolation. She's frightened though. How could she deliver two babies? To deal with the roughness that comes along them? Gonna be pretty hectic.

"We hit a jackpot, innit?" He grins down at her kissing Chessie's cheek last time before leaning down to hug her. "Gonna be super carin' with ye' now." Y/N gives a pat to his back in return awkwardly eyeing as Chessie left the room hastily.

. . .

It rakes against the wood harshly as Chessie glided keys of Harry's house towards him without a word. He puts the baby guide book aside arching his brow, "I can't do this anymore. I want an out." Dread. Seeping down Harry's bones.

Guarding himself down he grits, "What do ya mean you want an out? We agreed with full consent of yours Chessie." She shakes her head furiously.

"I didn't sign up for two of 'em Harry I could barely be there for one!!" He puts his elbows on his knees head lowering, "But you wanted to have a family with me didn't ye'?" His eyes tearing and she throws her head back in annoyance finding it difficult to make him understand.

"No. No – No. You wanted a family! Because of your continuous protests I gave in. Told you I wasn't ready for all of this bullshit now we are here." She emphasises. Harry stands up from his seat towering her pointing a finger at her.

He's rageous. Could burn this house down. How could she be so mean? Cowarding back at the last moment.

"Don't call it bullshit." He spits full of venom for the woman he mighty love and she snaps her head other way, "Congrats she finally ruined us and couldn't be more happy – now that she's having your mother fuckin' babies." He stumbles back knocking the coffee table lungs congesting.

"Don't drag her in all of this she's innocent." She laughs ironically looking him square in eyes yelling like a maniac, "Gave her your sperms now you can't hold back from fucking her. I knew it. You were fucking her behind my back weren't you?" She thinks of him like that? A cheater? He loved her and she always thought he was cheating her.

"Don't yell. I don't want to see ye'r cruel face when I come back home." He tries not to croak mustering strength to walk away from her. Exposing himslef to freezing weather locking himself in his car and crying his heart out. Sky crying along him. He punches the steering wheel brutally shouting "why's?" Head falling atlast as he thought of all his dreams shattering at his feet.

She caged him instead of giving him shelter. Replaced the butterflies he used to get from her with a burning hell in his pit, should've been mother of his children now she's just an ex.

The excruciating part is how he's gonna tell Y/N about this? She'll be crushed.

. . .

"Oh my god . . ." It was the roar of thunder that startled her but something else took her attention away. That tinsy kick protruding the taught skin of her belly, ". . . which one of you?" She was extra happy today. It's swimming in her head. It's just a thought but sharing it with Harry wouldn't kill someone. She wanna ask him if she could've one of the babies. It's just she's too much into the moment that she forgot she still have a degree to complete. A career to pursue and a life she always wanted.

When there's a knock at door she tries to stand up with the support of armrest a hand on her back. A gasp falling from her mouth at the sight of Harry's clothes soaked and another when he looks up with bloodshot eyes. Tears dried cheeks and heaving chest seeming utterly devastated.

"Pet what happened!?" She grabs him from elbow pulling him inside and he falls onto his knees smashing his cheeks against her showing tummy -- a sob recking through him, "Harry you're scarin' me. Tell me what happened is everything okay?"

"Chessie don't want these babies - sh-she didn't wanna ruin her career but atlast agreed . . . n-n now she doesn't want 'em 'n wants an out." He stutters. White noise deafening Y/N's ears and she steps back with expressions as if she's scared. Horrified of the future.

"It means she never had complications? She just didn't wanted her body to go through all of this." When Harry didn't fill in to her inquiry she flopped onto sofa from the shock shoving her face into her palms giving out a cry of hurt at her stupidity.

"God. I'm such an idiot!" He shakes his head crawling towards her with sad eyes and lil hiccups, "No please don'tcha say that. We'll figure it out yeah? Never wanted this t'happen." God. How bad he wants her to assure him that it'll be alright.

"You'll figure out what, huh!? Leaving them just like she did!?" Swear Harry felt a dagger jabbing it's way into his heart more upsetting tears spilling down his throat. "I hate you guys. They're none of your babies from now on. . ."

"Leave." She orders him wiping her tears roughly with the sleeve of her jumper. Running out of breath with each sniffle. Raises her hand stopping him to step forward and protest, "I said leave before I make you!!" He nods inhaling breath of remorse looking at the ceiling for a second then to her.

"Before, that want ya t'know. I still want 'em. They're mine. How could I not? love 'em. Hope ya'll forgive me." Then it's just sobs of Y/N taking over the buzz of telly as the door ticks. He didn't leave though. He's too afraid to. His back sliding against her door knees closing against his chest letting it all dawn upon him. His green luscious orbs hooding with sadness and the fluff of his curls.

Dunno if Y/N would be able to forgive him.

. . .

He woke up to a boot nudging to his thigh squinting up to find Niall stating down at him with consoling eyes. Poor Harry slept in the hallway. His neck sore and limbs stoned.

"Heard it 'lad. Was suspicious with Chessie long way." He helps Harry stand up patting his shoulders, "Y/N called ye'?" He grogs rubbing his eye with knuckles. When Niall confirms he quips with pleading eyes in a low whisper knowing he'll get his hair ripped if that furious little mama bunny will find him outside.

"Ye' think she'll forgive meh?" Niall chuckles to light up the situation, "'course H. Do ya think our pet's that ruthel—" He bites his tongue. Harry's gaze following the snap of his neck when the door opened revealing Y/N in a lilac chunky sweater. Puffy eyes and swollen lips. Harry feeling like a dickhead at her condition. It's all his fault. Then their eyes fall at the piping hot cuppa of tea in her hand.

With a stoic face she hands it to Harry and pulls Niall inside slamming the door at curly boy's face. So, she knew he was there sharing a door with her the whole night.

. . .

"Isn't it a good thing thou, love?" Niall smiles. He's chill in all of this. Watching it unwrap. They were meant for eachother Niall thinks so, "You wanted one of 'em and ended up havin' a whole bean can." She groans throwing her peach plushie at his chest. A smile swirming up her lips at his silly statement now that she's more stable less sad.

"You're the absolute worst, Ni!" He holds her cold hands tugging her close to make her look, "Want ya to forgive H. He did nothin' wrong, pet." When she pouts ruffling the silk strands of her rug with her feet he grabs her chin.

"Remember how happy he was? Don't go mad on him yeah?" She bobs her head not meeting his gaze. Meanwhile, there's knock at the door and Niall takes it laughing to himself softly at the box of doughnuts with a note.

"What is it?" He's already flopping beside her hooking his nimble finger around the white doughnut with rainbow sprinkles, "If I'd have known pregnant ladies gets treated this way. Would be havin' one baby every year." She smacks him in belly and unlatches the note reading it with a sucked lip.

Ye'r antenatal class's tommorrow. Don't forget to take ye vitamins :)

How gentle, calm and optimistic Harry could be needles her some.

. . .

Harry's waiting for her in the car fiddling with the radio. He isn't gonna lie. He's been going through a heartbreak. To cope with it he wants to accompany Y/N in her parent craft classes. When she waddles towards his car cosied up in a yellow baggy sweater and a cardigan Harry remembers she stole from him ages ago he mighty scrunched his nose in adoration at her cuteness.

Her nose pink and cheeks flushing as she slips into her seat, "Can you stop bringin' me stuff. I know how to take care of myself." She nips at him when he forwards her a kale smoothie. He doesn't seem to mind. Both, of them knows very well she's trying to avoid drinking it. She finds it yucky!

"Wanna take care of ya'll is all." He mumbles putting it in her side's cup holder. Ya'll .She regrets it instantly. Damn his puppy eyes!

. . .

"Mr. Styles and . . . Miss Y/N." The instructor calls them and they both raises their hand awkwardly as if in elementary school. "You're the parents of twin right?" She asks. Y/N wanted to say that their supposed to be parent ran off from the fear. But, she couldn't. Could never. It'll be like rubbing salt to his wounds. Bestfriends don't do that shit even in their most anger.

"Yes." She confirms. When Harry didn't. Scared if he might say something wrong. "Ok then! Lay your mats n' have a seat." Harry guides her with the little of his hand on her back. Her shoulder nudging his taut chest, and goosebumps pimples at her skin when his fingers brushes the side of her belly as he helps her sit down.

She takes an all rounder of the room and none of the parents looks like they're here to prepare for war unlike them. She shyly waves at the two mothers beside her and Harry twinges his lip equally flustered as her.

They start with relaxation and breathing exercises. Telling Y/N to let herself loose in Harry's arms. She fumbles with the hem of her sweater when his fingers gingerly winked at her sides and the lull of his breath hit her earlobe.

"Can ya stop breathing like, THAT!?" She whisper yells twisting to give him a sharp glare full of spleen elbow poking at his side abs, "Like what!?" He half squeaks peering down at her with doe eyes palms flat at sides to convey his surprise.

"Like a train engine whistling -- it's annoying." She mutters rolling her eyes and turning back to listen to instructor. "Now, I can't even breath without ye' comin' fo' me throat?" He grits with a kink of brows and when she confirms with a no --- He gasps dramatically. He hates her hormones little bitches.

It's gonna be a long journey of Hell for them.

. . .

"Are you hungry?" He asks turning the heat on knowing how cold her feet could get in the span of seconds. She huffs trying to buckle her belt and it squirms a fond smile out of him at her cute effort to be put in place due to her bump. If he'd coo. She'd rip him into tiny bits. It's better if he gazes away.

"Does it mean emptying your pocket?" She arches her brow sinking into her seat. "Bitso. . " He chuckles softly drumming at the steering wheel.

"Then I'd love to." She adds with a smirk. Clasping her hands atop her heart outta excitement. It makes him shake his poof of hickorey curls at her silliness.

They end up taking a takeout of onion loaded cheese burgers. Greasy fries. An iced-tea and a box of cookies from Babara's shop a block away from Harry's house.

"Wanna choose fo' ye'rself?" He asked her before going inside and she denied with a worried expression. Not knowing how she'll explain all of this to Babara who's her one of the good friends from UNI. Harry respects that. If she isn't ready to talk about it he isn't gonna pressurize her. They've been dodging the serious talk since she let him take to parental classes. Knows one day or another they've to decide how it's all gonna work.

. . .

Good food can make you more high than actual drugs. Licking their fingers off now they feel all sleepy and lazy sitting on the comfortable sofa watching telly with hooded eyes.

Harry's cheek smushed adorably against her baby bump ears tuned into what his babies are talking about.

"You know what? 'S not about winners or loosers. Bu' I won." She bubble hiccups slumping deeper with sugar rush hitting her. "Huh? Harry mumbles eyes drooping. The cotton balls of snowflakes glittering outside, collecting at the window and foging them up.

"I get to have babies of my bestfriend and this nice foodddd — 'n what did Chessie got? No babies and no happy feeling of being their mother." Harry shots up from his snooze blinking up at her and she quickly takes it back regret eating her alive, "'m sorry it slipped."

"No!!" He almost shouts cupping her cheeks making her look at him. His dimples deeps that someone could scoop them like an ice-cream. He gives her an eskimo kiss that makes her veins run with glittery blood.

"I wan' ye' to be the mother of me babies." No hesitation. No dithering. Just him asking for the tinsy bit of her heart. For her forgiveness. For the love they've kept blind eye for years. "We'll figure this out, yeah?" He murmurs their lips brushing and breaths kissing. Pulling back with a forehead kiss.

She lives for forehead kisses makes her shallow tin heart explode with glittery firecrackers.

She nods to give him the affirmation that she wants what he wants.

.

[biggest-stupidhead]

Bad Timing (Levi x reader) Part 11

Summary: How do you tell your friends that you’re falling for your big brother’s best friend? 

Word Count: 8.2K (longest one yet) 

__

The next few days flew by in a snowy blur. Most of your time was spent wrapping gifts and packaging baked goods to deliver to family friends. You grunted as you leaned heavily on top of the Tupperware container as you shoved in more sugar cookies. This particular batch was going to Erwin's coach and his family. The sound of wrapping paper tearing made you cringe, turning around you saw Hange holding up the two uneven lengths of paper. She smiled sheepishly at you before shrugging and taping the pieces together once more. Your mom and Erwin were currently out shopping at the mall, which was a good hour away from the hick town you lived in.

You and Hange had already been out shopping the other day. It had been very stressful shopping for all your friends and family. You were glad to have gotten the ordeal over with. Although it was stressful, you had enjoyed picking out the perfect gift for your loved ones. Some highlights included: a camera lense for Armin, a set of chain necklaces for Mikasa, a turkey hat for Sasha, a safari hat for Connie, and your personal favorite was a set of fancy tea cups for Levi.

You really had outdone yourself this year, even going as far as buying Erwin supplies that he would need for College. For Hange you had purchased her a fresh set of glassware for her experiments, since she was majoring in Chemistry and enjoyed doing work outside of the classroom you thought it was a fitting gift. Hange held up her finished product proudly, judging by the size of the box you guessed it was a pair of shoes.

"I can't wait to give these to him!" she gushed as she set the box to the side and began folding a sweater that the two of you had purchased for your mom.

"Yeah I'm sure he'll love them." you agreed. You weren't the only one who had splurged this year. Hange had bought Erwin a fresh pair of cleats for his freshman season at college.

"I hope so!" she chuckled as she boxed the sweater and the pair of earrings for your mom.

"What did you ask for this year?" you asked as you set the stuffed container of cookies to the side.

"Oh nothing special." Hange waved her hand dismissively. You weren't surprised, she wasn't exactly interested in possessions. She valued knowledge above most things, so the closest you could get to filling that need was to give her books or items that helped her learn and shit. You had learned that the hard way, a few years ago you had given her a nice bracelet, which was currently collecting dust on her dresser.

"Well what about your parents, are they doing something special this year?" you inquired, you knew that she had learned to appreciate knowledge from them. They used to go on trips and spend Christmas soaking up the culture of wherever they went. One of their most notable trips was to South America, Hange's favorite trip to date. They hiked in the jungle and learned about the environment and shit.

"Aw sadly no, they wanted to take a break and focus on their research here." She shrugged as she wrapped the box in snowman wrapping paper.

"Really?" you mused, although Hange's family was unconventional you admired their free spirit.

"Yeah, I'm particularly interested in my mom's project, she's studying these penguins in South America right now-" she continued to ramble on about her mother's studies and her father's work. Both of her parents were very active in the zoology community. Hange's rant was cut short by the sound of her phone ringing, she apologized before answering the call, walking out of the room for some privacy. Which you thought was odd, she usually wasn't so private with her phone calls, which at times could be annoying. You brushed it off as most likely being a conversation about gifts. You picked up your phone, taking the opportunity to answer the text that Mikasa had sent you earlier that morning.

"We'll be over around 7." her text made you feel giddy with excitement. Although this year would be a bit different you were still excited to see all your friends.

"See you soon!" you responded, you realized that it was probably a good idea to start dinner for your mom. She should be home any minute but still you set about preheating the oven for the casserole and the ham. Thankfully the Jeagers brought dishes as well, Carla made a mean pumpkin pie. You weren't expecting Kenny to bring anything other than booze. You fell into an easy rhythm as you prepared the vegetable casserole. It couldn't have been more than an hour later that your mom and Erwin stumbled in the door and dropped the bags down by the card table where we had been wrapping gifts. Your mom was quick to wash her hands and start the mashed potatoes as you checked the ham. Hange had began to set the table with Erwin, a christmas playlist had been playing to set the mood.

The Jeagers arrived right at 7, just in time. Grisha's arms were full with gifts, Carla toted two pies, Eren held a board game, and Mikasa had two bottles of red wine with ribbons around the necks of the bottles. Hugs and formalities were exchanged as they entered and put their gifts under the tree. Carla joined your mom in the kitchen to finish carving the ham. You and the other teens finished setting the table as everyone trickled into the dining room.

Just as the ham was placed on the table and glasses of wine were poured, the doorbell rang once more. Kenny had arrived, surprisingly only thirty minutes late. He had a huge bottle of vodka and another sizable bottle of whiskey. Your mom greeted him, taking the liquor from him and pointing him to his seat. Now that all guests were accounted for you began to dish out food and recount the past holidays that your families spent together. It didn't go unnoticed that Kenny was a tad uncomfortable, but thanks to Grisha's easy going nature and Carla's friendliness, he slowly eased up. Of course you and the other teens had your own conversation separate from the adults.

"-Do you remember that one year that I creamed you guys in Just Dance?" Hange gloated as she waved a forkful of ham in Eren's face.

"Ugh yes, but only because that was the year that Mikasa's ankle was sprained." Eren deflected, lifting his own fork to push hers from his face. Mikasa blushed and shoved a spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

"Well I guess we'll just have to see if that was the real reason after a rematch!" Hange teased before biting into the hunk of meat.

"I guess we will." Eren narrowed his eyes as he watched Hange chew the meat.

"We should play Mario Kart first, I want to redeem myself." Armin was quick to change the subject. Always quick to avoid possible conflict.

"Yeah I totally creamed you last time!" you gloated a cocky smile on your lips.

"W-What! No I had the most wins!" Eren's eyes were alight with anger. He was too easy to piss off.

"Wrong!" you said in a sing song voice.

"Knock it off you two." Erwin scolded from across the table, Eren's cheeks flushed when Erwin scolded him but you simply rolled your eyes. In the last few months Erwin had taken to hovering over you and your friends. It was strange, he had never shown so much interest in your social life until recently. At first you had been eager to tell him what was going on in your friend group, but now it was becoming annoying.

"Lay off Erwin, it's all talk." you scoffed with a roll of your eyes. Erwin's eyes hardened at your snarky tone, your guests eyes flickered between the two of you as you glared at one another. Until finally you snorted and looked away with a shake of your head.

"Uh...so who wants pie!" Armin, ever true to his anti confrontation nature filled the thick silence between the teens. Meanwhile the adults had continued to yammer on about all the hot hospital gossip.

"I-I would." Eren played into Armin's excuse to change the subject.

"Yeah sounds good." you sighed, defeated. Armin scrambled out of his seat and ducked into the kitchen, returning a few moments later with the pies. He dished out three pieces onto you and Eren's plates before serving himself. By the time he had returned, Hange had already changed the topic to the party the following day. You sat in silence as she rambled about the logistics for the party at your house.

"I think that Nanaba is bringing mac and cheese, Mike is probably going to bring those snicker doodles that he always makes-" You tuned her out, not interested in her current rant. Tomorrow's party wasn't the party you were really excited for. So you instead turned to Mikasa, hoping to talk about your plans for the 26th.

"So what time are you going to Annie's? Would you like to ride together?" you asked as you angled yourself to face her to better tune out Hange.

"We are heading over around 9, and sure I'm driving." Mikasa responded as she stretched to serve herself a piece of pie.

"Perfect, are you spending the night there?" you quizzed, unsure if you also wanted to spend the night there.

"No, we were going to go back to Armin's but I can drop you off here if you want." Mikasa answered as she took a bite of pie.

"Alright that sounds good!" you agreed, knowing that Mikasa was always a reliable designated driver.

__

Dinner had gone relatively smooth, despite the tension that now hung in the atmosphere between you and Erwin. The rest of the evening was spent in the living room opening gifts with a Christmas movie marathon playing in the background. The Jeagers left around eleven, which was later than they usually stayed. Kenny took the guest bedroom in the basement, since he was spending Christmas day with your family anyway. You checked your phone with a heavy sigh, already it was twelve am. You contemplated texting Levi to tell him happy birthday, but you weren't sure he would be awake. It was already six in the morning in France, and usually he got his three hours of sleep between four and seven in the morning. But you decided that if he didn't answer you could leave him a voicemail or shoot him a text. So after you changed into your pajamas and had snuggled beneath your covers, you pulled up Levi's contact, your thumb hovering over the small phone icon. Finally you just said 'fuck it' and pressed the button, the phone rang three times before he answered.

"Hey." his voice was thick and gravely as he spoke, immediately you felt bad. You knew that you must have woken him up and you cringed internally.

"Hey happy birthday!" you greeted, making sure to keep your voice low so you wouldn't disturb Erwin and Hange.

"Tch thanks." Levi mumbled, you pictured him running a hand down his face as he tried to wake up.

"you're welcome birthday boy." you teased as you fell back onto your pillows.

"shut up." Levi scoffed, you could hear his footsteps as he walked through the apartment, presumably to get his morning cup of black tea.

"you know you love it." you sighed.

"keep telling yourself that." Levi's voice was becoming clearer now that he was more awake.

"I think that I will." you answered with a light laugh.

"you still going to that party tomorrow?" Levi interrogated, you groaned. You had almost forgotten how he liked to stick his nose in your business, even when he was across the fucking ocean.

"Yeah what about it?" you huffed, feeling a bit defensive.

"Shouldn't you stay with your family or some shit." Levi sounded frustrated.

"My mom said I could go." you pouted childishly.

"Whatever." Levi grunted, and you frowned, unsure of where his frustration was coming form.

"Aw come on no need to be jealous, I'm sure you can find some rager in Paris. Not like you'll be missing much here." you chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Hmph." Levi scoffed, you could hear the tinkling of his spoon as he stirred his tea.

"So....when are you due to be home?" you asked, deciding it was best to change the subject.

"Next week." Levi's tone was clipped.

"I'm so jealous." you sighed dreamily.

"Yeah Paris is way better than Shiganshina." Levi responded nonchalantly, you weren't sure if he was being serious or sarcastic. Either way he was telling the truth.

"No need to rub it in my face." you chuckled.

"Tch." He scoffed, you liked to imagine him smiling as he did so, even if he wasn't.

"Well I hope that this next week goes by fast, as much as I hate to admit it I've... missed you." you confessed, the tips of your ears scorching hot with embarrassment. The silence was deafening as you waited for him to say something, hell anything even if it was making fun of you.

"Whatever." he huffed, the butterflies in your stomach fluttered at the sound of his baritone voice.

"Just don't stay out late tomorrow." he quipped and you frowned, why did he care how late you stayed out?

"No need to worry about me, I'll probably just stay sober with Mikasa." You told him, only half honest.

"Never said I was worried about you." Levi sighed.

"Hmph fine be like that." you scoffed and rolled your eyes, not surprised with his response.

"Be like what?" He asked, genuinely curious what you meant.

"Like an ass." you quipped.

"Tch I'll quite being an ass when you stop being such a brat." Levi snapped, clearly you were approaching dangerous territory.

"Okay okay chill." you muttered, backing down before things got too heated.

"You're the one that brought it up.." Levi pointed out.

"Yeah and now I'm regretting that" you sighed, wishing he wouldn't be so stubborn for once. He sighed as well and you heard a small clatter on his end of the line, you figured he was starting the dishes.

"Look I've got some shit to do, I'll call you later okay?" Levi's voice was a tad strained and in the moment of silence you heard the sound of Isabel and Farlan bickering in hushed tones.

"Y-Yeah sure of course." you couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed.

"Happy birthday Levi." you wished him once more.

"Thanks, talk to you later brat." and with that he hung up, leaving you totally alone in your dark room. You plugged your phone in and rolled over onto your side, he could be so annoying. You inhaled sharply and decided that you would enjoy the party tomorrow to it's fullest. What he didn't know wouldn't kill him.

___

"Hey can I borrow your lip gloss?" you asked Mikasa as you leaned forward to apply another coat of mascara to your lashes.

"Sure which one?" she asked as she pulled her hair into high pigtails on top of her head.

"The cherry one." you answered after a moment of contemplation. She finished her hair before reaching into her makeup bag and pulled out the tube of clear gloss.

"Thanks." you said as you took the make up from her. You didn't usually put this much effort into your appearance when you went to parties but you figured since it was the first time you would be going to Annie's that this was a special occasion. Also you had a sneaking suspicion that two of your exes would be there and you at least wanted to look hot if you were going to get black out.

Plus Mikasa was also dressed up, she wore a tight fitting black top with long sleeves and a low cut neck line that showed off her pale collarbones and neck. She had chosen to wear a choker that had metallic studs surrounding the black leather along with some other layered necklaces. To match her top she had selected a red plaid skirt and some torn tights. You weren't dressed nearly as edgy as she was, but you too had gone for a grungier look. You'd opted to wear a tattered pair of mom jeans along with a black cropped tank and an oversized flannel to cover your shoulders.

You sighed as you finished applying the gloss and frowned, Eren and Armin were in the next room over blasting Post Malone. You assumed that Eren was on aux since Armin usually listened to Surfaces or Khalid.

"You ready?" Mikasa asked as she pulled on her Doc Martens and double checked her earrings.

"Yeah." you assured her as you stood up to grab your small backpack with an extra change of comfy clothes in case you ended up staying the night. The two of you left the room and knocked on Eren's door that was down the hall.

"Just a minute!" Armin's shrill voice sounded a bit panicked but Mikasa simply shrugged and headed towards the kitchen. The Jeager's house was a ranch style house with one main floor and a nice basement. The two of you waited patiently in the kitchen for the boys, it was already well past nine. You scrolled through your snapchat, most of the stories were the regular group picture of friends having a sleepover, the druggie kids showing off their weed, and of course Sasha and Connie posted a video showcasing the house party at Annie's. From what the short video showed, her house was dark except for some LED lights that flashed through multiple different colors. The music was deafening, and the kids that you could see seemed to be swaying to the pulsing music.Sasha spun the camera around as she knocked back a shot with her arm around Connie who blew a puff of vapor at the camera.

"Looks fun." Mikasa scoffed, you knew that she preferred more low-key parties.

"If you end up not liking it we can always dip." You shrugged, knowing that this wasn't exactly your speed either. Mikasa hummed in agreement and turned to look down the hallway as Eren's door opened. The boys emerged from Eren's room, Eren wore a pair of black jeans and a dark forrest green long sleeved shirt. Armin wore a baby blue knit sweater with a collared shirt underneath and black jeans as well.

"All set?" Mikasa asked as she turned to pull out a bottle of titos with a cute little sweater over it. You smiled at the cute accessory and nodded.

"Yep!" you said popping the p as the four of you all made your way out to Eren's car. You slid into the back seat next to Armin who was fiddling with the hem of his sweater nervously. Eren resumed his hype music as Mikasa backed out of the drive way. Eren pulled out his puff bar as soon as the car was out of the drive and took a long drag. Mikasa scoffed and cracked the window for him. He blew the billow of smoke out the window and reached to turn the music up. He reached back and dangled the puff for you to take, after a brief moment of hesitation you accepted it and cracked your window before taking a hit. Armin watched with wide eyes as you inhaled and blew the vapor out the crack.

"Since when did you vape?" Armin asked, his mouth agape in awe.

"I don't...at least not regularly." You admitted sheepishly.

"That's what they all say." Eren chuckled, smoke curling out from his lips as he smirked.

"Shut up I'm serious!" you snapped a playful smile on your face. Thankfully Annie's house wasn't far away, about a twenty minute drive. You pulled up to the house, it was huge. Standing at least three stories tall, with a long winding driveway. Mikasa pulled up behind one of the many cars in the drive way and parked the car. Mikasa led the way around to the side door, which was unlocked, piled of shoes littered the hallway. The sound of loud music greeted you as you walked into the kitchen on the main floor to set the alcohol you'd brought down. The real party was in the basement.

The lights were off, leaving the only source of light to be the flickering LED lights, you couldn't even tell who was who. The air was heavy with the mingling aromas of cologne, vapes, and weed. Armin practically clung to you as the four of you waded through the crowd to get to the seating area in the center of the room. As you got closer the overpowering scent of weed assaulted your nose. There on the large L shaped couch was Annie, she held a large bong to her lips as Bertolt held the lighter under the weed, she inhaled deeply and the bong bubbled. She pulled back and blew a puff of smoke right in Reiner's face, the blonde's face scrunched up in disgust as he turned away to cough.

"Yo." Annie greeted Mikasa who leaned down to dap her up. Once Annie had greeted Mikasa she turned her attention to Eren who was eyeing the bong.

"You want a drag?" Annie offered, patting the sofa next to her. Eren nodded and dropped down between her and Bertolt, who once again struck the lighter for Eren. Mikasa rolled her eyes and waited patiently for Eren to finish his drag. Once the bong was out of the way she lowered herself down onto his lap and pulled her puff bar out to take a long drag. Armin shifted awkwardly behind you and tugged on your sleeve.

"Want to go get something to drink?" he yelled over the booming music, you glanced at the bong longingly but decided that Armin needed you right now so you nodded in agreement.

"Sure." the two of you pushed through the crowd to the minibar where an impressive amount of liquor was waiting. You poured some Bacardi into a glass of and added some pineapple and orange concentrates before handing the cup to Armin. He thanked you and quickly got to work on finishing the mixed drink. You poured yourself a rum and coke and then two shots of Malibu for you and Armin to take. The two of you knocked back the shots before wandering back over towards the couch. The crowd had thinned out a bit, something about watching a movie in Annie's in home movie theater.

"-No that's bullshit, I know for a fact that you pissed your pants in the second grade Eren!" your eyebrows shot into your hairline at the words leaving Annie's mouth.

"Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I don't notice shit." She huffed as she lifted the juul in her hand to her lips and took a long drag.

"I-"

"Just take the L Eren we all remember." Bertolt shook his head and chuckled at Eren's flushed cheeks. You glanced at Mikasa, usually she would defend Eren but she seemed content to let him struggle through this one on his own, still perched on his lap.

"We've all had accidents before." Armin said with an awkward chuckle as he sat down beside Annie, who looked at him with a blank expression.

"Like that time you tripped down the stairs and broke both your legs in fourth grade?" Annie quipped, a small smirk curling onto her lips. You choked on your drink at Annie's remark, she was an absolute savage.

"Exactly..." Armin flushed, lifting his own cup to his lips. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, but you were too invested in the conversation to be bothered to pick it up.

"Want a hit?" Annie offered the bong to you, you nodded. Although you'd never had weed before, you'd tried asking Levi for some of his but he always denied you. Annie held her hand out to Bertolt who placed the lighter in his open palm. She packed some more weed into the bowl before handing you the bong.

"You ever done this before?" She asked as she kneeled in front of you. You shook your head,

"Okay so I'll tell you when to inhale, and you've got to take a huge breath so you can get the smoke in your system. But then you'll have to take another breath to get it in your lungs." she instructed as she pressed the weed deeper into the bowl.

"Okay." you agreed, she nodded and struck the lighter, holding the flame over the weed in the bowl. You pressed your lips to the mouth piece and waited for her instructions.

"Inhale." she said once the weed was lit. You sucked in a big breath and the water in the bong bubbled. The smoke burned the insides of your throat as you inhaled it, you pulled the bong off your mouth and sucked in once more to get the smoke into your lungs. She nodded in approval as you coughed, smoke curling out of your mouth.

"Not bad for your first time." she commented as she took the bong from you and passed it to Mikasa who took a long drag before passing it to Bertolt.

"Thanks, that stuff burns." you coughed, Annie sat down next to you on the couch and draped her arm over the back. You felt the buzz from the weed and the shots you'd taken earlier, making your head spin a bit. Annie's thigh brushed against your own, you tried to focus on what she was wearing, a pair of grey sweats and a cute cropped peachy colored tank top with spaghetti straps.

"I like your top." you complimented, her hand fell from the back of the couch to your shoulders.

"Thanks." she said, turning to gauge your reaction to her touch. You swallowed a bit nervously, you'd known Annie since kindergarten, but you'd never really been friends before, she was always so quiet.

"I always thought you were a good kid." Annie smirked, her eyes a bit playful.

"What made you think that?" You giggled, shuffling closer to her.

"Your brother is like the school's golden boy, and you are always in all the honors classes." she shrugged, you frowned. You were used to people coming up with these assumptions. She was right though, you did take honor classes, but that didn't mean you couldn't party!

"I guess...But that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy partying." you countered.

"I suppose." she chuckled, taking a hit from her juul and blowing the smoke away from your face. Your phone rang in your pocket and you frowned, as you dug it out of your pocket. Your frown deepened at the sight of Hange's contact lighting up your screen.

"Hang on I should take this." you apologized, moving to stand up to find a quiet place to answer the phone. Annie snatched your wrist and pulled you back down on the sofa, the room spun as you fell back down and slumped against her shoulder.

"Slow down there sweetheart." Annie chuckled as you leaned against her.

"I got to go answer my-"

"Nah just stay here, enjoy yourself." Annie pulled you closer, but your head was too foggy to protest, thoughts of your phone already fading into the back of your mind as Annie held the bong to your lips once more.

__

"She's still not answering." Hange chewed on her knuckle as she glanced at Erwin who was gripping the steering wheel. His brows were knit tightly together with worry, Levi shifted in the back seat, tapping his fingers impatiently.

"This is stupid, she can wait until tomorrow to see me." Levi huffed, trying his best to sound indifferent.

"Oh don't say that Levi." Hange frowned as she looked back at Levi, her eyes deep with worry.

"Don't worry about it." Levi grunted, turning his attention back to his phone. He opened snapchat, and scrolled through the stories. His eyes widened slightly when he stopped on Sasha's story, the video of the party played, he found himself looking for your silhouette among the swaying bodies. He tapped on his screen, expecting to move on to the next story, only to find a new video, added to her story less than ten minutes ago. A video of you with a red solo cup in one hand, and a juul in the other. You were leaned up against a blonde girl who was pushing a bottle of Pink Whitney against you, the pink alcohol sloshing in the glass.

"Come on (Y/n) finish it off!" Sasha encouraged as the other kids on the couch picked up on her chant.

"Finish it, Finish it." the crowd cheered as you sat down the cup and took the bottle from the blonde. You looked at the camera as Sasha shuffled closer.

"No pa-paparazzi please." you giggled, hiccuping half way through your sentence. You lifted the bottle to your lips and tilted your head back, the liquid spilled down your front, making your skin glisten in the colorful lights as you chugged the alcohol you managed to get in your mouth.

"Fuck yeah!!!" Sasha jeered, spinning the camera around to her face. The video ended and Levi felt his blood boil. He'd never seen you so out of it before and he hated it. He hated how easily you had given into doing something so stupid, he hated the sight of the juul in your fist, he hated the way the girl's arm was tightly wrapped around your waist, but most of all he hated that he wasn't there.

"Wait, I think Sasha's snap map is on." Hange mumbled, her phone screen casting a pale glow over her glasses as she zoomed in on Sasha's bitmoji. Sure enough Sasha's bitmoji was on the map, surrounded by at least twenty other bitmojis gathered in one location.

"Okay let's head that way then." Erwin sighed as he started the car and backed out of his parking spot in the airport parking lot. Erwin pulled out of the small airport that was about thirty minutes away from your town and set off towards Annie's house. Thankfully Annie lived on the outskirts of town so it wasn't as far of a drive. It wasn't long before Erwin was pulling up a long winding drive that was full of cars. He parked at the back of the line of cars and got out of the car with a heavy slam of his door. Levi slammed the back door of the minivan as hard as he could, the two of them marched up the driveway silently with Hange following nervously.

"You guys please slow down it's icy out here." Hange begged as she slipped on one of the steps to the side door. The three of them piled into the house, Hange knew it was bad when Levi didn't bother to kick his shoes off before continuing towards the basement steps. Erwin stormed down the steps, the music getting louder as they descended. Erwin paused at the bottom of the steps to take in the scene, cups littered the floor, the room was hazy with smoke from juuls and the scent of weed clung to the air. A group of partygoers was crowded onto the couch, Levi's eyes narrowed onto the back of your head.

"Yoooo that's ice cold." Eren's loud voice could be heard over the music as the teens passed the bong between one another.

"No it's the truth." you slurred, the empty bottle of alcohol still in your fist.

"Well sorryyy that I forgot that I had gum in my mouth." Connie said, waving his hands in front of his face.

"You're an idiot." Sasha laughed boisterously as she shoved a handful of pretzels into her mouth.

"damn straight." Annie agreed, taking the empty bottle from you and setting it on the coffee table. Erwin stalked across the room and stood behind Bertolt, who was now on the floor. The conversation came to a halt at the sight of the uninvited guests.

"Woah I think I'm seeing things." you said, tilting your head downwards as you tried to understand why you were seeing your brother.

"Me too." Reiner agreed, his own distant gaze honing in on his team captain.

"Get up we're going home." Erwin's voice was cold and commanding as he glowered at you.

"I don't wanna leave." your eyes hardened with denial. Erwin stepped over Bertolt, once he had moved your eyes landed on Levi, who was glaring at you with those dark eyes.

"I'm definitely seeing things." you grunted as Erwin pulled you off the couch and away from Annie's warmth.

"Hey man she said she didn't want to go." Annie snarled, jumping to her feet, her icy blue eyes sharp.

"Yeah well she's drunk as shit and doesn't know what she's saying." Levi snapped back at Annie, who had a hand clamped down around your arm. Hange shifted nervously behind the couch as she watched the scene unfold.

"You need to leave." Annie growled, pointing a finger at the stairs.

"That's what we're trying to do dumb ass." Levi growled, taking a step closer to the circle of teens.

"Leave her alone she can make her own decisions." Reiner quipped, rising to his own feet.

"Stay out of this Braun." Erwin ordered, releasing you so he could turn and face Reiner.

"I'm just saying, she chose to come here on her own and she's enjoying herself so let her be." Reiner shrugged.

"She's had enough tonight." Erwin countered, shifting his gaze back to you as you swayed on your feet.

"No I haven't" you frowned up at Erwin.

"Yes you have. We're leaving end of discussion." he said with finality, once more reaching for your wrist.

"I'm not leaving Erwin." you protested, pulling yourself free from his grasp. He snatched your wrist once more and tugged you away from the circle. You gasped and stumbled after him, the protests of your friends echoing loudly in your head. Erwin hauled you up the stairs and out the side door, Levi and Hange close on your heels. He only slowed once you were walking down the driveway. You wrenched yourself free once more with a strangled cry.

"I said I don't want to leave!" you screamed, a few tears sliding down your cheeks.

"You always embarrass me in front of my friends just give me this one night!" you cried, the cold air making your face beet red.

"You'll thank me later." He said simply before turning to continue down the driveway.

"No I won't I'm going back inside." you turned on your heel and marched back towards the door, only for Levi to catch your wrist.

"You've had enough for one night." He scolded as you struggled against his hold. Hange chewed on her bottom lip with worry at the sight, this was not how she planned your reunion.

"Levi let me go." you said with finality as you met his eyes.

"No, you're going home." Levi's voice was tense.

"No I'm not."

"(Y/n) you're going home and that's final." Erwin sighed, running a hand down the side of his face. You spun around and glared at him.

"You're not my fucking dad Erwin so quit acting like it! Jesus it's so annoying I'm tired of it!" you screamed, your chest heaving with frustration, your breath coming out with puffs of vapor. Hange and Levi stood deathly still, knowing that the topic of your father was a sensitive one.

"Fine be that way." Erwin snarled and marched to the van and climbed in with a slam of his door. Hange rushed to get in the car without a second glance over her shoulder. Levi remained firmly rooted to the ground, his hand still wrapped firmly around your wrist as you cried.

"Get out of here Levi." you sobbed, shaking your arm to throw his hand off. He finally let you go, his head tilted down to the ground. You huffed, wrapping your arms around your chest before turning on your heel and stalking back towards the house. Levi stood there a moment longer just listening to the sound of your receding footsteps before he padded back to Erwin's car and slid into the backseat.

__

Your head was spinning as you pressed your back against the bathroom door, your lip quivering as you tried to contain your tears. You knew that you'd hurt both Erwin's and Levi's feelings, you also knew that they were only trying to help you. But there was only so much help you could except from them without them toeing the line between helpful and overbearing. You slid down the door with a whimper, you hugged you knees to your chest and rested your chin on top of them. A knock startled you out of your moping,

"(Y/n)? You in there?" You groaned when you recognize Jean's voice.

"Open the door please." He said softly and you felt more tears fall down your cheeks as you reached up for the knob to unlock the door. The lock clicked and you shuffled to lean agains the wall so he could open the door.

"Hey" he said as he stuck his head in, his amber eyes soft with worry.

"Hey" you sniffled, turning your head up to meet his gaze.

"What's wrong?" He asked, slipping into the small bathroom and closing the door behind him. He crouched down in front of you, his elbows propped on his own knees as he got onto your level.

"Well for starters, you kissed someone else when we were talking." you said a bit venomously. He cringed and plopped down to sit criss cross applesauce instead.

"I'm sorry I know that I shouldn't have done that but, I've been really confused....like sexually I guess." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and your frowned.

"I know, but it still hurt my feelings." you mumbled, a few fresh tears falling from your watery eyes.

"I shouldn't have led you on like that, it was a real jerk move." Jean agreed, his eyes still soft and comforting. You'd missed being his friend you realized as you sat on the cold tile.

"I've missed talking to you." you spoke your mind, managing a small smile.

"Me too, let's be friends again?" he proposed, offering his hand to you. Your smile grew wider as you extended your own hand to grasp his. You shook hands briefly.

"So are you and Marco a couple now?" you asked.

"Sort of.." Jean chuckled.

"You want to go back to the party now?" He asked, jutting a thumb towards the door. You nodded, although now you were beginning to sober up. He stood and offered his hands to help you to your feet. You accepted his hands and he pulled you to your feet. The two of you walked slowly down the steps to rejoin the circle of teens in the living room. Jean stopped at the bottom of the stairs his hand held loosely in your own. He squeezed your hand, asking for your attention. You turned and faced him, a questioning look on your face.

"You've got some-" He chuckled, lifting his thumb to his mouth and licking it before wiping away some rogue mascara off your cheeks. You gasped in mock offense as he wiped away the makeup.

"You're not my mom." you teased, pulling your face free as you turned to head back into the fray, trusting that Jean got all the black marks off your face.

"Nobody could replace Angie." Jean agreed as he followed you into the basement. The group of previously rowdy teens was now subdued due to your brother and his meddling party crasher friends.

"Hey look who's back!" Reiner greeted, causing all the heads to turn back to you. You smiled sheepishly and dropped back into your seat next to Annie.

"You alright?" She asked, her eyes scanning you meticulously for any signs of injury.

"Yeah I'm- I'll be alright." you stumbled over your words as the group watched you carefully.

"You want a uh beer or something?" Connie asked, lifting up an unopened can.

"No she doesn't you idiot!" Sasha snapped, elbowing Connie harshly.

"Ow well I was just trying to make her feel better!" Connie cried, turning to tackle Sasha. The two began to tussle, rolling around on the floor grunting as they struggled. You smiled, the pair never failed to make you happy. Annie draped her arm over you again as the boys began to place bets on who would come out victorious.

"If Sasha wins you've got to drink one of Connie's mixed drinks!" Eren said, leaning over to Bertolt who scoffed, his boyish features contorting with disgust. Connie was known for making the worst mixed drinks.

"You're on Jeager." he reached over Reiner and the two shook in agreement before turning their attention to the scuffle.

"Come on Sasha!" Eren jeered as Sasha bit down hard on Connie's hand. The boy yelped and tried to desperately pry her locked jaws off his hand. He gave up quickly and resorted to hitting her head with his closed fist, his face wild with panic.

"Tickle her neck" Mikasa suggested as she lifted a red solo cup to her lips. Your eyes widened in surprise, Mikasa usually kept quiet during these scuffles, unless of course it was Eren being thrown around. Connie's free hand flew down to Sasha's armpit and immediately Sasha released his other hand to roll away from him. Connie regained the upper hand, pinning Sasha beneath him as he tickled her ruthlessly. Jean groaned and slapped a wad of bills into Reiner's open palm as Sasha slapped the ground in defeat. Connie threw his hands into the air and rolled off Sasha who was fighting for breath.

"Traitor" she moaned, her brown eyes glaring at Mikasa who shrugged indifferently. Eren groaned and frowned at Mikasa.

"Why'd you do that?" He asked as Bertolt looked relieved. Mikasa shrugged once more a sly smile on her face as Eren pushed her off his lap.

"So" Connie jumped to his feet and clapped his hands together.

"About that drink." he turned and strutted over to the mini bar, followed by a sulking Eren and a smug Bertolt. You turned to Sasha who was now straddling Mikasa her hands around Mikasa's shoulders as she jostled the girl.

"Come on Mikasa why'd you sell me out like that?" she whined as she shook the girl, Mikasa's drink sloshing in her cup. Mikasa smiled as her eyes drifted to the group of boys, Connie had a large bottle of Tito's and a two liter of Mt. Dew in his hands as he inspected the two, his face scrunched up with concentration.

"Come on Sasha it's not like you wouldn't do the same if it were me." Mikasa scoffed with a roll of her eyes. You snorted at Mikasa's response, knowing that she was indeed correct. Sasha gasped and shook Mikasa harder.

"I would never do that to you! Besides you would win in any fight you fought." Sasha objected, leaning back on Mikasa's lap her arms extended.

"Psh whatever." Annie scoffed, a playful smirk on her lips.

"Not all of us are masters at kickboxing." Sasha pouted as she climbed off Mikasa's lap and dropped onto the empty space next to her. You knew that Mikasa had participated in the sport for the past few years, but you were confused when Sasha looked between Annie and Mikasa.

"What you didn't know?" Annie asked with a smirk. You shook your head,

"No I guess I don't know." you laughed as Annie licked her lips and she threw her arm back over your shoulders.

"Mikasa and I are on the same kickboxing club." She shrugged as you settled back into her side. Your mouth opened into an 'o' shape in realization as Annie dug her juul out of her pocket and took a hit. Mikasa nodded in agreement, her eyes shifting back over to the boys, who were laughing loudly as Eren chugged a cup of mystery liquid.

"Really? I had no idea." you said as you followed Mikasa's gaze. Eren was now leaned over gagging as Armin patted his back with a worried expression.

"-You dodged a bullet there!" Reiner quipped as he patted Bertolt's back as the tall boy watched with a disgusted face.

"Hey where did Ymir and Krista run off to?" Sasha asked, whipping her head around to look for the pair.

"Probably making out in some corner." Reiner scoffed as he dropped back onto the sofa, the rest of the boys rejoining the group as well. You nodded in agreement, it was no secret that the pair had been seeing each other recently.

"Guess so." Sasha sighed, slumping back into the sofa, throwing a glare at Connie who was now seated next to her with an arm over the back of the couch. Eren and Armin were the only once unaccounted for, you assumed that they had fled to the bathroom given the state Eren had been in after drinking Connie's concoction. Jean had managed to slip away with all the commotion, probably to return to Marco. Annie sighed, glancing at her phone with a frown, it was well past three at this point and you were starting to feel the fatigue.

"Well I think that I'm heading off to bed." Annie yawned, the others seemed to be mellowing out as well.

"You guys can crash here or my brother's room is open as well as my sisters rooms." She said as she stood up. You immediately missed her warmth as she lingered by the couch.

"I call Eric's room!" Sasha perked up, also standing up to run towards Annie's younger brother's room.

"No fair!" Connie yelled, giving chase. Mikasa sighed and stood up as well.

"I'd better go check on Eren and Armin." She mumbled as she stalked off towards the bathroom.

"Are you staying the night then?" Annie asked you as you also stood up, not sure if you should go after Mikasa.

"I'm not sure, Mikasa was going to take me back to her place..."

"You can sleep in my room with me." She offered, tilting her head towards the stairs. You bit your lip as you weighed your options. Mikasa had been drinking and smoking and you knew that she wasn't stupid enough to drive so you figured that you weren't leaving any more.

"We'll sleep in Sarah's room." Reiner said as he and Bertolt began to retreat up the stairs. Leaving just you and Annie in the basement living room, she raised a brow as she waited for your answer.

"No pressure." She said as she began to walk towards the stairs.

"Yeah I'll sleep with you." you blurted as you jogged to catch up to Annie. She smirked at your wording and you flushed.

"Not like that!" you slapped her arm as she led the way up to the top floor which was a maze of closed doors. She slipped into one of the closed doors, into a large bedroom with a queen sized bed in the center of the room. She emptied her pockets before climbing into bed, pulling the covers back for the both of you. You slid into the open side and sat your phone on the bedside table. Annie sighed with relief as she nestled into the covers, scrolling through her phone as you closed your eyes in an attempt to sleep. After a few minutes Annie put her phone down and rolled over, now her front was facing your back.

"You awake?" She whispered, you rolled over to face her as well.

"Yeah" you answered, resting your head on your arm as you focused on her features as best as you could in the dim lighting.

"You wanna make out?" she asked, your eyes widened in shock. You weren't sure if she was being serious or not.

"For real?" you blinked rapidly as Annie shuffled closer and pushed a lock of hair out of your face.

"I mean yeah." she huffed a shy smile on her face. You pursed your lips in thought, you had never kissed a girl before, and it wasn't like the thought of doing so had never crossed your mind. You shrugged and leaned slightly into her touch.

"Yes or no." She said as she propped herself up on her elbow so she was looking down on you.

"Sure." you agreed, she leaned down as soon as the words left your lips. Her lips were so soft compared to the boys that you'd kissed in the past. Her hand that had been in your hair now traced over your cheek bones as she licked your bottom lip. You opened your mouth for her to slip her tongue in, the taste of weed and pink whitney mingling on her breath. You met her tongue a bit timidly as she licked your bottom teeth. She pulled back after a moment to readjust herself so that she was now laying down on top of you, caging you in her arms as she leaned down to kiss your chin.

"You're so cute." she mused, her lips pressed against the corner of your mouth.

"You're really pretty" you breathed as her lips hovered over your own once more before connecting her lips with yours once more.

[twilightfansofcolor]

Black!Bella (New Moon edition)

wc: 1.7k

So the summer is here and Bella is on cloud 9

Without a doubt one of the best summers ever

When her leg healed up, Charlie took her hiking just like when she was little, or they’d go to La Push to look at the tidepools or they’d just go to Seattle to visit the aquarium

Sleepovers with Jessica and Angela where they’d stay up watching Studio Ghibli movies, binge watching the Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar YouTube channels, giving each other makeovers and giving each other recommendations about skin care products

Long conversations with Renee about college

Renee thinks Bella should try a school in New York

Charlie wants her to go an HBCU

She never told Charlie that she filled out applications for NYU and a school in Louisiana that she liked, and that she was expecting to hear back from them soon

Bella and Edward would spend hours at their favorite bookstore chain in Port Angeles looking through the summer releases

They went there so much they were offered membership cards where they’d get 15% off every purchase

Sleepovers with Alice where Bella would constantly ask her what she saw in that C*nfederate 

Bella’s first few weeks of school fall around the same time as her birthday

She doesn’t have that many classes with Edward or Alice which she finds odd since Forks High is a small school

 Bella’s birthday is pretty much canon

Renee gave her a gift box of her favorite Godiva chocolate, makeup and skincare products while Charlie got her a Nintendo Switch with a few games so they could play against each other on Mario Kart.

The birthday party is still the same and ends in disaster 

Edward starts distancing himself from her, and so does Alice

Alice doesn’t wait for her outside her art class so they could walk to physics 

Something is wrong, Bella can feel it in her bones even though Angela and Jessica tell her that it’s probably nothing

Bella is bracing for whatever is coming. Could it be Victoria seeking revenge and Edward doesn’t know how to tell her?

Something worse, much worse

Bella listens to him tell her that they have to leave Forks and it takes her a minute to realize that the Cullens have to leave town without her

“In the hospital, you said you’d stay!”

“As long as it was safe for you, and after what happened at the party, it’s clearly not safe for me to be around you, Bella.”

Edward kisses her on the forehead one last time before he leaves, probably forever 

Charlie isn’t home from work so she just works on dinner in a daze with the television volume up as loud as she can stand it, NCIS blaring from the living room

Charlie confronts her when he finds out that the Cullens left town and that’s when she just cries, acknowledging it for the first time in hours

The following weeks after his departure are touch and go. 

She goes weeks without getting her hair braided, and just keeps it in a bun/poof 

Bella doesn’t wear makeup no matter how many times Charlie tries to entice her with the Vogue YouTube channel

“C’mon Bella, you love Saweetie,” Charlie said as if she were a toddler again, trying to get her to eat Cauliflower 

It isn’t until Charlie calls her mom that she snaps out of it and Renee tells her what she needs to know

“Bella, I know you’re going through a hard time, but you have other things you need to be worrying about. It hurts, I know, but moping around ain’t gonna bring him back, and you’re not the first person to be dumped. You’re getting ready to graduate high school in less than a year, and you need to start thinking about your future.”

Renee had never spoken to her like that before but she realized her mom was right, she did need to start thinking about her plans for the future

After giving herself two more days to cry it out, Bella gets right back to business

She’s blasting Flo Milli while she gets ready for school, gets a new wardrobe and is now tutoring kids in school and La Push for some extra cash

Which is how she runs into Jacob again

She helps him with biology which turns into Charlie coming home and finding the two of them watching Guy's Grocery Games and arguing about which contestant they think is getting the boot next

Not that he’s complaining. He’s secretly hoping they’d get together

One Friday night in February, Bella invites him to the movies with a few friends from school

And it starts to go downhill when Jacob threatens Mike, who got sick halfway through the movie

Jacob reveals his feelings for Bella but she has to reject his advances

She loves Jacob, he’s been so sweet to her, but she cannot handle another relationship when she’s barely over the first one

When Bella calls him on Saturday morning to apologize, he doesn’t pick up the phone or answer any of her texts but she thinks nothing of it, chalking it up to him being sick

The next time she calls, she calls the house and Billy tells her Jacob is feeling better but that he’s not up for visitors, so she takes matters into her own hands

She spends the entire morning parked outside his house waiting for him

Bella doesn’t recognize him, he’s a lot bigger, his hair is shorter and his usually warm brown eyes look cold

Jacob tells her to go home and not to come back and Bella knows that Sam finally got him like he did Embry and he proceeds to tell her how he’s not good enough for her like the Cullens and alludes to the fact that he knows the Cullens’ secret

“You’ve been lying to everyone. Charlie… but you can’t lie to me, Bella. Go home. Or you’re gonna get hurt.”

She just stands there in the cold rain, getting soaked from head to toe, and she can’t tell if she’s crying or if it’s just the rain hitting her face

She has a strange dream involving a brown wolf the size of a horse, Jacob, and surprisingly, Edward

Bella confronts Jacob again, this time almost getting into it with Paul who turns into a wolf right in front her

Embry and Jared take her back to Sam’s house where she meets Emily

Bella and Emily get along well, and she finds out Emily is from the Makah tribe in Neah Bay, but she’s an elementary school math teacher’s assistant at the tribal school

She’s relieved when Jacob comes back to the house, safe and free of scratches and they walk along the beach and catch up

Bella is just happy that her friend is back and she vents about what’s really been bothering her: the encounter with Laurent, saying that Victoria is still looking for him

“You don’t have to worry about them. We took down the one with the locs easy enough.”

It doesn’t register for a minute so she just stands there, trying to make sense of it. “Y-you… killed Laurent?”

At this point, Bella is crying with tears of joy, her mascara smearing with tears and Jacob just holding her

Their friendship is back to normal in no time and pick up right where they left off

Bella has to remind Charlie, Angela and Jessica several times that she’s not dating Jacob 

Not that she hasn’t thought about it

It would be so easy, and both of their dads would be happy, and she wouldn’t have to lie like she does with Charlie and any of her friends

One day they’re just driving around, goofing off when she sees a group of kids jumping from the cliff

She’s getting her phone out to dial 911 before Jake stops her and tells her that they’re just cliff diving

Jacob offers to take her sometime, maybe when it’s warmer out, promising they’ll start at the lower level

It’s dark when they pull up to her house and Bella starts to invite him in for dinner when she notices a familiar car parked down the street

Bella remembers everything about that car, the quiet engine as she sat in the back seat while his C*nfederate brother drove them to Phoenix, the feel of the leather seats as she slept.

They go in anyway, and Bella is surprised to see Alice sitting on the couch reading a magazine, but she needs Bella’s help because Edward is in trouble

The audacity. The sheer fucking audacity

“I haven’t heard from you in almost a year. You avoided me in the halls, you blocked my number and my email, but now when you reappear from thin air I’m supposed to help you? What do I get out of this?”

Alice insists that Edward needs Bella’s help, that she can’t do this without her

At this point Bella knows that Charlie put a tracking device on her phone, and she’s not going to risk it

Jacob begging her not to go, and she really doesn’t want to go either

Instead she writes a quick letter telling Edward not to do what he’s thinking of doing just because they’re not together, saying that she’s happy with how her life is and she gives it to Alice to pass along

Despite EVERYTHING that happened, she wants him to be safe, so Bella gives Alice the letter

“What does this mean? Would they come back?” Jacob asked after Alice had left.

Bella knows what would happen if all of the Cullens came back: more young Quileute kids turning into wolves, and she doesn’t want that to happen, but she can’t stop it from happening either

“I really have no clue, but that’s their decision, and I have no hand in that game.”

It takes three days before the Cullens return to Forks, and she’s facing Edward again one day in the woods behind her house

Bella just tells him everything she’s been feeling since he left and more

“There isn’t any hope for us, there probably never was, and we can’t pretend any of this never happened, Edward. You know that. We can’t go back to normal, because it wasn’t normal in the first place. You were right the first time, and I should’ve listened.”

It goes without saying that Bella is going to keep the secret, but she’s also going to move on with her life, and wants Edward to do the same

Alexa, play “Clean” by Taylor Swift

[fablesrose]

All Over Again

Sequel to Going Through the Motions

Summary: Y/n left to find herself, but how is Dean holding up?

Word Count: 1,936 👀👀

Pairing: Dean x reader, platonic!Sam x reader

A/n: The beginning of this is pretty much crack, but it turns to fluff. Prequel was written for @msmarvelouswinchester‘s 500 followers writing challenge and it was requested that I write a part two, so here it is!

Masterlist ~ Going Through The Motions

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean stood in the library leaning against a table. In his hand he held a frame with Y/n and himself making a goofy face at the camera.

He smiled bitterly, shaking his head. He couldn’t help but whisper to himself, “How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?”

“Did you just say what I think you just said?”

Dean’s head snapped up in surprise to see Sam standing in the doorway.

“What do you mean?”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Really Dean? Really?” He walked closer, “The day she left to go on that hunt, she literally said ‘I love you,’ and you completely ignored her. Then, you never answered any of her texts or phone calls. And then, you track her down and tell her that she better not love you because then it would be awkward between you because you don’t feel the same way and that she is just going to leave anyway.” By now Sam stood directly in front of Dean, and was looking pretty annoyed.

Dean looked back down at the photograph, “I messed up, didn’t I Sam?”

“Big time.”

“Wait,” Dean looked up, puzzled, “how do you know what happened in the motel?”

“For one,” Sam deadpanned, “you asked me to grab snacks from the vending machine right next to her room. For two, she always leaves a window open so it’s cold enough for her to wear a sweatshirt. And three, you should know better than anyone that motel room walls are paper thin.”

The tips of Dean’s ears turned red. He tried to play it cool, but Sam could tell he was embarrassed.

“Can you read me the last text she sent you?” Dean asked meekly.

“Sure,” Sam pulled out his phone, “Uh, she sent the winky face with the tongue sticking out like three times.”

Dean stared at him blankly, “What? No, she didn’t send that.”

“Oh! You meant the day she left.” Sam started to scroll up on his phone. “Yeah she didn’t send that the day she left.”

“What other last text would there be Sam?”

“Uh the one I just read you that she sent yesterday?”

“Wait, what?!” Dean reached for the phone, “Just out of nowhere?”

Sam moved his hand out of reach, “No, she texts frequently.”

Dean rubbed his face with his hand, “You mean you’ve been talking to her for six months and haven’t even had the thought of telling me?”

“Well, she says that she’s tried to call you but you never pick up so...”

Before Dean could defend himself his phone rang. As soon as the name flashed on the screen Dean reached to try and ignore it before Sam saw it on the table. But it was too late.

Sam rolled his eyes as Dean fumbled with it, “And there you did it again.”

“I would just rather talk to her face to face, okay? Do you know where she is?”

Sam’s phone received a text, “Fifteen minutes away.”

“What!? Why!?”

“Did you forget my half birthday?”

The door opened loudly cutting off whatever Dean was going to say.

“Happy half birthday dear Samuel Gregory Winchester! Happy half birthday to you!” Y/n sang with a flourish as she entered the bunker with plastic bags in her hands.

“Hey! I thought you said fifteen minutes?” Sam rushed to take the bags from her.

“Well then it wouldn’t have been a surprise!”

Sam laughed, “You’re too good to me,” he bend down to kiss her cheek which she received with a smile.

Y/n rummaged through the bags that Sam had placed on the table in the library, “So I picked up some take out from that noodle place a couple towns over...” She pulled out boxes, “Alright, so for Sam I got extra veggies, for Dean Matthew Winchester I got extra meat and super saucy, and for me, whatever the heck I wanted.”

Dean caught the box Y/n slid over to him, “Pretty sure those aren’t our middle names.”

“Your middle names are whatever I damn well want them to be.”

Dean swallowed quickly and turned to eat his noodles.

Conversation started up between Sam and Y/n, but Dean mostly stayed quiet.

“So you’ve been doing okay out there? On your own?”

Y/n smiled and Dean couldn’t help but stare.

“Yeah, it’s been great. Had a couple of ghosts, a pretty bloody vamp case. Nothing too serious or difficult, but it’s been good to get on the road again.”

“And…?” Sam tried for a bit more information.

“Yes Sam. I know why I’m still doing this.” She tilted her head to the side with a roll of her eyes.

A couple of hours later Y/n stood from the table saying she should leave.

“It’s getting late, why don’t you stay the night?” Dean spoke up.

Y/n placed her hand over his on the table, “Dean Conrad Winchester, I appreciate the offer, but I have an appointment I have to keep.”

Dean nodded.

She gathered up her fewer belongings then what she walked in with and headed towards the door. She stepped out the door, but stuck her head around the door frame, “Bye! Love you!”

Sam waved, “Love you too!”

Dean froze. Again.

Before he knew it the door was firmly shut behind her.

“I just messed up again.”

“Yeah, yeah you did.”

A week went by and surprisingly he hadn’t gotten a call from Y/n. She usually called once a week. He noticed, of course, but he just couldn’t push himself to answer. There was some part of him that worried that him not answering would lead to her downfall. What if she was hurt and in desperate need of help? But every week the phone would ring again, and his tension eased, but still he wouldn’t pick u the phone.

This time. This time he told himself that he would answer.

But the call never came.

That made him worry.

He left it be for a few days, but eventually he couldn’t wait anymore. He had to talk to her. He had to make sure she was okay.

So he packed a bag, asked Sam where she said she was, and drove off. Luckily she was only a days drive away. He arrived at her motel in the evening when it was just getting dark. All he could think about was how he was going to have a do-over. He knocked on the door and waited for a minute. Nobody answered so he pulled out his lock pick kit, he made quick work of it and entered the room.

He saw her clothes bag next to the bed and all of her research spread on the desk. The rest of her gear wasn’t in the room so she must be out hunting. Dean decided that he would wait for her to get back to talk to her, but he paced around the room for about five minutes before he couldn’t wait any longer. He’d waited for over a year to tell her, a whole six months going to waste without her, he needed to talk to her as soon as possible.

He rummaged through her research to see that she was hunting a werewolf. She had a map of the area with a red circle placed in the local woods.

So that’s where he was headed.

He drove down a dirt road until he came upon a car that he knew too well. Y/n’s car was also a classic and she loved it almost as much as he loved his own. He pulled up behind it and got out to try and find her in the dark woods.

He must have been hiking for an hour following tracks, both human and not when he started to hear the cracking of brush. He abandoned the tracks and followed his ears, seeing if he could head off whatever was running. His gun, loaded with silver bullets, was drawn as he ran, keeping his eye out in case of a target.

It didn’t take long for him to see the werewolf crashing and weaving between the trees. He took aim and took a shot. To his surprise he heard a second shot so close in timing to his own that he didn’t know who shot first. Once he saw that the monster didn’t rise again he looked to his left to see Y/n panting with her gun pointed at the body.

Dean didn’t take his eyes off of her as he stalked to her position. She only looked up at him when he was a few feet away.

She spoke with a quiet exhaustion, “Hi.”

“Hi, I love you.”

Her only response was a shocked blink.

He took a step closer, “I love you.”

She looked up through her sweat soaked lashed, “Say it one more time.”

Dean then put his gun away which made Y/n realize she still had hers in her hand as well and put hers away. Once Dean had both his hands free he took a half step closer and traced her shoulders gently.

“I love you.”

Y/n licked her lips, “I love you too.”

Dean’s hands then found her waist and pulled her close. He dipped his head to meet his lips to hers. At first he thought he would be gentle, but once he felt her, he couldn’t help but push a little harder. Sooner than he would have liked Y/n pulled away with a gasp which reminded him that she had just been running from a werewolf.

She licked her lips again which made Dean want to kiss her even more. She smiled slyly before saying, “You could have called.”

Dean matched it, “But if I called I couldn’t do this.”

He brushed his nose along the underside of her jaw, leaving warming breath on her neck. He left soft kisses as he trailed his nose to her ear. He walked her backwards, carefully making sure neither of them tripped on the thick bushes. He eventually made his way back to her lips. Once he got there Y/n hooked her arm around his neck to make sure he didn’t go anywhere. Her fingers softly traced his jawline subconsciously as her other hand gripped his shirt. This drove him on to quicken his pace to press her against a nearby tree.

Once her back hit the trunk she arched into him with a gasp and twisted out of the kiss. She winced and Dean looked down at her in confusion.

She twisted to look at the tree which shifted Dean’s eyes to see a jagged knot right where he pushed her.

Dean pulled Y/n close and buried his face in the crook of her neck and kissed her there. “’m sorry.”

She ran her fingers through his hair as he traced her spine with the tips of his own.

“It’s alright.”

They stayed like that for a minute, just feeling each other, holding each other.

Dean was the first to lift his head, “We should head back.”

Y/n kept her eyes closed, “’mkay. We should burn the body though.”

“We can do that in the morning.”

“Sounds good to me.”

They started to walk back towards the dirt road and their cars, arms linked around each other as they went.

“Besides, your motel room looks pretty cozy.”

Y/n bumped her hip against him, “Dean Lawrence Winchester, you are such a creep.”

“Please stop doing that.”

Y/n gave him a smug smile, “You love it.”

“I love you.”

“I’m never going to get tired of hearing that.”

Best Buds: @kitkatd7 @snarky--starky @confetti-its-an-imagine-blog @kaogasm

Requested/showed interest to be tagged in Pt 2: @vicmc624 @anon1person @msmarvelouswinchester @sherlockholmesmypiratesociopath

[ivaleelovesmerlin]

Happy birthday, Rou!

I know this has been a challenging year, but I am so impressed and proud of you for all your hard work with your studies and your job!  I certainly hope this next year is better all around!  Stay safe and keep being your wonderful self!

Wrote a little story for your birthday ;-)

“I think we’re all in need of stress relief right now.  Yesterday’s snowfall and this clear morning has provided the perfect conditions for an EPIC snowball fight!  Meet in the park at 11am.  Gauntlet has been thrown- are you up for the challenge?”

“Merlin?”  Arthur wandered into the kitchen where Merlin was making a cup of tea.  “Did you get this text from Gwaine?”

“Hmm?”  Merlin lifted his mug to his face to breathe in the comforting steam.  “I left my phone by the couch.”

Arthur held his phone out, so Merlin leaned in to read it.  He burst out laughing.  “A snowball fight?  I haven’t had one of those since I was about twelve.”  He shook his head and murmured, “Gwaine.”

He looked up to see Arthur staring at him, eyebrows raised.  “Do you think he’s serious?  He wants us to hike down to the park on a Saturday morning for an actual snowball fight in our thirties?  Or is this one of his bits, and we’ll get down there and he’ll drag us all into that pub of his for a disgusting lunch?”

Merlin shrugged.  “It’s Gwaine.  It could be anything, really.”  He set down his mug and slid his arms around Arthur’s waist.  “Either way, a stroll through our beautiful snow covered town, tucked up against my husband for warmth,” he wiggled his shoulder and hip against Arthur, “sounds like a lovely way to spend Saturday morning to me.”

“Okay,” Arthur planted a kiss on his forehead.  “You convinced me.”  He pulled back, suddenly serious.  “But, just in case he is planning a snowball fight, I’m going to put on my long johns and put some extra gloves in my pockets.”

He walked toward their bedroom, still mumbling about preparations for a snowball fight, and Merlin couldn’t help laughing.

***

As they walked into the park, Merlin and Arthur ran into Gwen and Lance, who were also bundled up and strolling arm in arm.

“Hi Arthur, Merlin!”  Gwen said with a grin.  “You ready for this epic snowball fight?”  She and Lance chuckled and shook their heads, clearly also thinking that Gwaine was only joking about that aspect of his invitation.

“Oh, Arthur’s well prepared.”  Merlin nudged Arthur with a gentle smirk.  “He even brought extra gloves.”

Arthur gave Merlin a pointed look, but then heaved a long-suffering sigh.  “Well, with Gwaine, you never know what to expect, and my sweet husband here gets chilled so easily and also can’t plan ahead worth a darn.”

They all laughed at Arthur’s gentle teasing until they stepped past the break in the trees and saw Gwaine and Percy standing in a clearing next to two massive stacks of snowballs.  Elyan and Leon stood nearby, looking bemused.  Morgana paced behind them, either annoyed or cold, or both.

Gwaine threw his arms into the air.  “Everyone’s here!  Welcome to the first annual and, let’s face it, probably only Official Camelot Snowball Tournament!”

Merlin and the others burst out laughing.  “You really did mean a snowball fight!”

“Of course,” Gwaine boomed.  “What did you take me for?  A liar?”

“Well, there is precedent for you luring us together under false pretenses.”  Elyan pointed out.

“Fine, fine.”  Gwaine waved his hand.  “But this time I was serious.  Come on over and grab a snowball, everyone!”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”  Arthur said at the same time as Morgana asked, “But what are the rules?”

“Rules?”  Baffled, Percy gestured toward the piles of snowballs.  “Snowballs are here.  Grab one and throw it at someone.”

“No, no, no.”  Morgana strode forward.  “We have to pick teams and have a home base where we can meet up to strategise.  And we need rules about how many snowballs per person and whether we’re allowed to aim for the face.”  She glared at Arthur.

He responded with raised eyebrows and a quirk of his head.  “I still think faces are fair game.  As long as no one is adding rocks to the snow.”  He turned back to the group.  “But we do need to select team captains and home bases, and we also need to decide on an objective for this endeavor.  Did you bring flags, Gwaine?”

“Flags, teams, bases?  What are you on about?”  Gwaine exclaimed, laughing.  “It’s a snowball fight.  You just throw snowballs!”

“Without rules and organization?”  Arthur and Morgana were appalled.  “What are we toddlers?”

Merlin was having a hard time containing his mirth at his husband and sister-in-law and their obsessive need to be in control.  So he decided to step in.  “You’re right, Arthur.  We need teams and an objective.”  He exchanged a conspiratorial glance with Gwaine.  “Arthur, why don’t you and Morgana be on a team together.”

Gwaine picked up a snowball, and motioned for the others to do the same.  “And the rest of us have one objective…”. He stalked slowly toward Arthur as Merlin inched away from his husband.

Then Gwaine raised his snowball into the air and roared, “Get the Pendragon siblings!”

Everyone hurled their snowballs at once, and a snow-covered Arthur and Morgana flailed and tore off toward the snowball pile to retaliate.  Soon, the official snowball tournament dissolved into a complete melee full of shouts and laughter and flying snow.

Later that afternoon, Arthur sat on the couch, pouting.  “That was completely unfair.  Morgana and I were just trying to help get everything organized.  That didn’t warrant being attacked.”  He squirmed, rubbing his backside.  “I think I still have some snow down my trousers.”

Merlin chuckled, brought two mugs of hot cocoa from the kitchen and slid onto the couch, handing one to Arthur.

“You had a hot shower and changed clothes as soon as we got home.  I promise there’s no snow left.”  He took a sip of cocoa as Arthur still grumbled.  So he placed his mug onto the coffee table and scooted closer, wrapping his arms around his husband and nuzzling kisses down his neck.  “But if you’re still cold, I guess I can help warm you up.”

Arthur scrunched up his face.  “I don’t know.  You were one of the worst.  You shoved a snowball right up my shirt!”

“Did I?”  Merlin hummed into Arthur’s throat.  “I don’t remember.”

“You did,” Arthur insisted, but he soon gave in and set his cocoa aside.  He didn’t complain about being cold again for the rest of the night.

[mldrgrl]

Times mulder complimented something scully was wearing

6 Times Mulder Complimented Scully on What She Was Wearing and 1 Time He Complimented What She Wasn't

Year 1

He’d finished his slideshow only moments before and had already shrugged into his overcoat, ready to head out the door.  He waited for her by the lightswitch, waiting as she gathered her bag and her coat.  She stopped though, when he didn’t move out of the doorway, blocking the exit with his arm across the door, trigger-finger on the switch.

“Mulder?”  She lifted her brow in question.

“What color would you call that?” he asked, reaching out to tug on the pocket of her blazer.

“Oh, um?”

“Lavender?  Or periwinkle?”

“I think periwinkle is a little more blue.  Lavender, probably.  Why?”

“Just wondering.  It brings out your eyes.”

“Oh.”

“I like it.”  He flicked the switch and moved out of the doorway so she could pass by.

She hesitated for a few moments, embarrassed without knowing quite why.  “Thanks,” she murmured.

*****

Year 2

He haunted the doorway of her hospital room, pacing the hall and checking every ten minutes or so to see if she’d awoke yet.  Finally, when he’d peaked through the narrow glass window, her eyes were open and he pushed the door open with a smile.

“Hey,” he said.

“Mulder?”  She sat up a little straighter and nervously adjusted the sheets over her hips.

“Don’t get up on my account,” he teased.  “Just came to see how you were feeling today.”

“Good.  Fine.  I think.  I still don’t…”

“It doesn’t matter.”  

The gold cross he’d held onto and returned to her twinkled when she nodded slightly, catching the sunlight streaming through the window, and his eye.  She looked down and plucked at the loose, drab yellow hospital gown for a moment.

“I must look awful,” she said.

He shook his head.  She was radiant, compared to two days ago, with tubes and wires going in and out of her every which way.  He couldn’t tell her that, though.  Not about how frightened he was, seeing her like that.

“I hear hospital gown is the new black,” he said.

She smiled just a little.

*****

Year 3

“I need a new tailor,” he said, apropos of nothing, as they exited the airport terminal and headed to long-term parking.

“Oh?” she said, scanning the lot up ahead for section B.

“My guy is retiring, end of the month.”

“Oh.”

“Who do you use?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, obviously yours is great.”

“Obviously?”

“Well yeah.  Six months or so you switched to pantsuits and you know, you being so sho...small in stature, I imagine you’d need to get those taken up.  And let me tell you, the length is damn near perfect and the stitching is top quality.  I want someone to make me look that good too.”

She choked a little on disbelief and stopped short.  “Mulder…”

“What?  I’m a trained investigator Scully, I notice these things.”

“I’ll...uh, I’ll get a business card for you.  The shop is on M Street.”

“Great!  Maybe we can start wearing matching suits to work.”

“In your dreams, Mulder.”

*****

Year 4

She’d signed for the delivery with some hesitation, insisting she hadn’t ordered anything from Bloomingdale’s, but the delivery man was equally as insistent that he had a package for Dana Scully and needed her signature.  She brought the shopping bag in and pulled a long, white box out of it, setting it in the middle of her table.

Tentatively, as though she might be handling a bomb, she lifted the lid off the box.  Whatever was inside was wrapped in tissue paper that crinkled as she unwrapped the gift.  She gasped when she pulled out a plush, white robe.  A plain notecard fell to the floor and she picked it up.  It was blank on one side and the other simply said: SCULLY.

“Mulder,” she whispered.  “What did you do?”

It took her ten minutes of pacing her kitchen to finally call him.  He answered on the second ring.  “Mulder.”

“Mulder, it’s me,” she said.

“Oh, hey Scully.”

“What did you do?”

“No telling.  How much trouble am I in and I’ll try to guess.”

“I just got a delivery.  From Bloomingdale’s.”

“Oh, good.”

“What did you...I mean, why…”

“It’s soft, isn’t it?”

“It is.”

“Not that you didn’t look all cute and cozy in that other robe you have, but this one is softer.”

“You didn’t...you shouldn’t have done this.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Just think of it as a belated birthday present.”

“You already got me a keychain.”

“I could take it back.”

“Is it returnable?”

“I don’t know, I picked it up at a gas station off I-81.”

“The robe?”

“No, the keychain.”  He chuckled.  “Just enjoy it, Scully, you deserve it.”  He hung up then and she was left with silence.  She hung up the dead phone and then stroked the collar of her new robe.  It was one of the softest things she’d ever felt.

*****

Year 5

“It says here we’re going to have to do a little hiking,” he said.

She closed the pamphlet for the conference and sighed.  “Fantastic.”

“Pack light, pack that blue jacket you have.”

“What blue jacket?”

“That windbreaker, the pullover.  With the pocket in the front.”

“You know, Mulder, sometimes it’s a little disconcerting how familiar you are with my wardrobe.”

“Nah, I only remember the really important pieces.”

“Important, meaning?”

“You know, those little pieces that go together really well or are particularly flattering.”

“And the blue windbreaker is...flattering?”

He shrugged.  “It’s blue.  You look good in blue.”

*****

Year 6

They were two beers in on Mulder’s couch, a Yankees v. Blue Jays game on mute on the television.  Mulder got up to toss his bottle and then stopped on his way back, running his finger along the collar of her jacket, draped over the back of the chair next to the TV.

“I think this is the least practical you’ve ever been,” he said.

“Hm?” she answered, lifting her beer bottle up to inspect it.

“Suede.  Very impractical.  Very hard to take care of.”

“I can say the same about you.”

“Hah.”  He snort-laughed and then plopped down beside her again on the couch.  “If I were an article of clothing I’m more likely to be a sweaty, ratty t-shirt.”

“No, more like a well-worn sweatshirt.”

He rolled his head towards her and smiled a little.  She gave him a glance, but then quickly looked away and took a sip of her beer.

“What about you?” he asked.

“What about me?”

“What would you be?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think you’d be...something woolen.”

“Woolen?”

“Yeah.  Scratchy, but warm.”

“Scratchy, but warm,” she repeated with a slight frown.

“Wool is strong, it’s versatile, and you know, wool from the vicuña is the most expensive fabric in the entire world, only collectible once every two to three years from the same animal.  It’s rare and precious.”

“How do you know so much about fabrics, Mulder?”

“I’m a connoisseur.  Come on, Clemens, you can throw better than that!”

Scully took another sip of her beer and tried to turn her focus to the game, but she was lost in thought.  Scratchy.  Warm.  Strong.  Versatile.  Rare.  Precious.  Scratchy?

“I’m glad you splurged on that jacket though,” Mulder suddenly said.

“You are?”

“It looks amazing on you.”

*****

Year 7

The faucet in his bathroom was still leaking, even though the super swore he’d fix it while Mulder was out of town for the weekend.  Still though, he could hear the drip, drip, drip from bed, even over the tree branches that tapped at the window from the light breeze.  He turned onto his side from his back and lay face to face with his partner.  She was asleep, or so he thought.  When he traced a heart on her bare shoulder, her eyes opened and she gave him a drowsy smile.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” she answered.

“I was just thinking.”

“It’s late.”

“Or early, depending on your point of view.”

“What were you thinking?”

“I’ve never seen that green sweater you were wearing before.”

“It’s new.”  She yawned, closed her eyes, and snuggled a little deeper into his pillow.  “Why?  Don’t like it?”

“It looks better on my floor.”

She chuckled, but kept her eyes closed.  “With lines like that, I can’t imagine how it took seven years for you to get me into bed.”

“Reconsidering your choices?”

“Maybe.  Maybe not.”  She reached up blindly and took his hand off her shoulder, tucking it under her chin to press a kiss to his knuckles.  “Do you want me to wake you when I get up?”

“No, I’ll be too sad.”

“Why?  You’ll see me again in less than two hours, probably.”

“Yeah, but you won’t be as naked as you are right now.”

“True.  Not unless the bureau has changed their dress code without me knowing.”

“Will you wear the navy blazer?”

“Sure.”

“And the white top.  The cotton one, not the silk one.”

“Cotton, not silk.  Mmhm.”

“Wait.”

Scully yawned again.  “Hm?”

“Now I’m just thinking, maybe you should wear something less tempting.  You still have that giant, puffy, blue and pink and green jacket?”

“I’m afraid that was burned in quarantine, obviously for the better.”

“Darn.”

“Mulder?”

“Hm?”

“Go to sleep.”

“Okay.”  He turned over onto his back again and a few moments later, Scully inched her way closer and draped an arm over his chest.

“The dark Armani suit, with a white shirt, and the red tie,” she murmured.

“What about it?”

“It’s my favorite.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”  He gave her a squeeze and closed his eyes.

The End

[tree-choose-pot]

“Baby, what do you say we just get lost... heads, Carolina”

Oh, there are so many RV trip blogs that never got written!  Alas, we are now home owners in Boone, North Carolina.  And I am loving it here!  I feel in some ways like we are still camping, finding little surprises around every turn and looking out our windows at trees and stars and beauty.  I wanted a kitchen window with a view of the sunrise streaking through trees... well, the sun rises over mountains instead... as I watch Anina hike down our own little trail to the school bus... it sounds terrible, right?

So far our life here is filled with many many things that fill me with joy.  Things I thought I wanted, and things I hadn’t ever anticipated.  I keep wondering how, after hundreds of hours researching other places, we ended up in a town we spent zero time getting to know, and yet it aligns so splendidly with us.  I keep wondering if the winter temps or the 1/4 mile driveway will irritate me to the point that I feel silly for writing this acclaiming blog.  But the truth is, everything is not perfect, and it won’t ever be.  But we’ve made challenging decisions as a family, and right now it feels great to live in this moment.

We’ve had to buy two new phones and a new computer, so my photos are so mixed up.  This the best collection I could muster for a quick photo bombing of our mountainside magic....

We’ve already celebrated 2 birthdays.  Bill’s cake had blueberries on it.

Wonder why blueberries?  Look at that poor bush, falling over with so many blueberries.  I couldn’t pick them fast enough!  There are still berries on it.

Most of our house, and the front yard.  I’ll have to get a pic of the backyard one of these days.

This is our cliff.  A geologist from the university brings students to study and sample the rocks!

My morning view to the east, out our front windows.  I really need to learn how to set the camera for sunrises.

Their ‘green’ car.  Luckily I grew up on a hill, so I know the effect of gravity on skateboards, bikes, basketballs...

Kitten and snake(skin)!  We have also seen a fox, a groundhog, a possum, chipmunks.

Whatever is in this soil, things grow.

The garden goodies we have inherited from the former property owner and our neighbor.

The driveway we walk up and down for the school bus!

A nearby lake has this old dam formation.

Photo shoot with Kal-El.  This is looking out to the west.

Our neighbor’s great paved area with a pickleball court.

Happy birthday ya East Booner, Carolina Hillbilly.

This is actually Anina’s school.  Benji’s already excited about riding the bus here next year for Kindergarten.  

This is the gigantic power pole in our front yard.  Kinda ugly, kinda cool.  Kept the house from being top dollar for unobstructed view...?

Afterschool hugs.  I’m sooooooo glad they have spent so much time together in the past several years.  But I think everybody is enjoying some independence.  And we have loved our afterschool hikes up to the house, and the absolutely perfect August and September weather we have had.  The property is full of rocks to climb on, trails, flowers to pick, even a huge goldfish in a drainage pond.  There is also a stream running along our street.  Bill’s going to clear a path next summer so we can enjoy that as well!  

[thehikingviking]

Chaparrastique (San Miguel Volcano) from Conacastal

We had been in El Salvador for more than two weeks, and so far the trip had gone better than any of us could have hoped for. I surprised Asaka with a trio on the morning of her birthday. She stood outside the window while they sang her loves songs which she couldn’t understand. We celebrated by having a big pool party with Erick and his family. We bought a piñata and ate a special cake that my mom used to eat in her childhood. 

There was so much that I still wanted to do, so on our last Friday we went to Cascadas Tamanique. It was a steep hike down the canyon from town, but we were eventually rewarded with a beautiful set of waterfalls.

We swam in the pools and jumped off some cliffs. Leif made several motions to jump off the same cliff as well, but we told him that he would have to wait until he was older.

The next day was my last full day in El Salvador, and I wanted to go out with a bang. Chaparrastique, also known as Volcán de San Miguel, is the southernmost ultra prominent peak in the country, and until very recently, had been too active to climb, with large eruptions as recent as 2015. When I initially planned my trip, I didn’t even think climbing this volcano a possibility, but I learned through Nahuat Tours that the minister of geology had determined the mountain safe enough to climb. Zach was flying out that day, which meant I would be on my own. This would require the longest drive, as we had to go all the way from El Zonte to the “Wild East”. Apparently the people on this side of the country look and sound different, and perhaps the most glaring distinction is how they eat pupusas. I was mostly concerned with the heat. Erick joked that when people from San Miguel go to hell, they complain that it’s too chilly. I could find no trip reports online, aside from a YouTube video which didn’t delve into the details surrounding mileage and elevation gain. Nahuat Tours didn’t have much information either, again leaving such details to the local guides. To prepare, I brought a lot of water and expected the worst. What I experienced in the end was a moderate hike with agreeable temperatures.

Erick and the gang were outside of Villa Letty at 4am. I snuck out of the room trying my best not to wake the baby, grabbed my lunch from the fridge and threw my stuff in the back of the car. Chico and Young Erick were crammed in the back seat, while Gerardo had other tours to lead that day. The drive was long, but not terrible as El Salvador is a small country. We reached the town of Conacastal where we met our local guide Fernando. From there we hopped in the back of a 2WD pickup truck, then drove south along RN16S until reaching La Placita. We turned off the paved road here and continued up dirt and cobblestone roads further up the northwestern side of the volcano.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck was so fun, but just another day for the average Salvadoran. We drove to 3,800 feet where the road simply became too steep. Our driver gave it a couple shots, but there was no point in pushing it since we already saved about a thousand feet by driving up to this point.

We continued hiking up the road through a cedar forest. The road ended soon after but we picked up a trail. We passed a big family group who had started from Conacastal earlier in the morning. While this peak is somewhat reclusive to the “intrepid traveler”, it seems reasonably popular with the locals. We left Erick to hang back with them, while Fernando, Chico and Young Erick continued with me at a faster pace.

Fernando asked if I wanted to go up the rocky way or the sandy way. To me the answer was easy, so I requested rocky. An overgrown but well defined use trail ensued, but the dirt was solid and travel was generally easy.

Soon we emerged from the thick jungle, and the western expanse captured my attention. Volcán de Usulután, Cerro Taburete, Cerro El Tigre, Volcán de Tecapa and Volcán de Chinameca flooded the expanse before me.

More inland ran the Sierra Madre.

There was a nice breeze keeping us cool. We would need it because the next thousand feet would comprise of the worst volcanic scree to climb up that I have experienced to date.

It was the classic two steps up, one step down. I had a trekking pole with me that made the section bearable, but I eventually lent this to one of my young guides as he was having more difficulty than I was.

There wasn’t really a trail, but more of a path of erosion. One thing was clear, and that was to continue upwards.

Things started to get easier as we neared the top. A big block of solid rock caught my eye, so I decided to find a scramble route up.

I picked a class 4 route straight up the rock to add some juice to an otherwise non technical hiking trip. This can of course be completely avoided, and I think my guides looked at me quizzically for taking such an unnecessarily dangerous route in the first place.

Shortly after we reached the crater rim.

We dropped down to the flat sandy section beneath us and walked to the edge.

Inside, the fumaroles were seeping out of the yellow rock. There was no visible lava, but the volcano was clearly very active. Our local guide Fernando claimed that he scrambled halfway down the crater, and it was probably for the best that he didn’t go any further.

After the very cool detour, it was time to continue to the peak. We headed east and scrambled back up the crater rim.

The rim was easy to follow and there was a use trail most of the way.

After a few more minutes of hiking we made it to the top.

To the northeast was the city of San Miguel.

To the southeast were Laguna de Olomega, Volcán de Conchagua and La Union.

To the south was the summit crater.

To the west was the flat area from where we examined the depths of the crater. In the distance was Volcán de Usulután.

To the northwest was Volcán de Chinameca.

A point on the opposite side of the crater looked like it could potentially be higher, so I requested that we traverse the entire crater rim, even though Fernando confirmed that we were standing on the highest point. For these types of things you can’t be too sure.

To circumvent the rim, we had to drop into a small notch. Climbing out of this was a loose mess, but we eventually made it back atop the high rim. The travel was very easy and breathtaking, with everchanging views in all directions.

Once we reached the summit contender, it was clear that the opposite point was higher, however I am glad we chose to go this way.

-Volcán de Conchagua

-Laguna de Jocotal & Punta Mango

-Endless Beaches

As we continued circling, we got more views into the depths of Chaparrastique.

We got back to our original starting point of the rim traverse where we ran into the kids from the family we saw earlier. The parents were still below making their way up the loose scree. Among them was older Erick, chatting away about different business opportunities. I would not be patient enough to wait for him to reach the top. He turned around without me asking, but he would end up taking a long time to descend. We took the sandy (sandier) route down this time, which I was really looking forward to. This was some of the best scree skiing I have ever done, however this bliss was interrupted since I had to wait for Erick many times. I finally decided to enjoy the sandy portion of the descent uninterrupted, and wait for Erick down below. It was a very nice descent while it lasted, and afterwards we found a spot in some shade back in the forest. Fernando claimed that he made it from crater rim to dirt road in under 20 minutes. We ended up waiting for over an hour, and needless to say I was pretty annoyed. Once he finally showed up, I grumpily walked the remaining distance down to the road, and later to the car.

As we approached the car, I started to sense big animals moving in the nearby brush. Several heads of cattle were grazing the mountain slopes.

Our driver was waiting for us right where he left us. The hike was 6.3 miles round trip with 3,400 ft of total gain (including the crater rim traverse). Please keep in mind that this does not include the section we were able to drive. We dropped off Fernando in Conacastal, then began our long drive back to El Zonte. Traffic was pretty bad towards the end of the drive, but I was able to make it back in time for dinner. This will for sure be a trip that I will never forget.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9ENCjN5o7M&t=5s

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine:

Erik angry fucking you because of how close you are with T’Challa.

Okay so this was in my drafts but I finally got it finished!

Smutty...smutty...smutty.

Erik held onto his patience long enough.

The shit was getting fucking ridiculous.

While you were laying asleep next to him a text message from T’Challa came through on your phone. It’s not like that was the first time. Erik didn’t like how close you and his cousin became ever since he introduced you to him in Wakanda over the summer. That entire time away that was supposed to be a vacation ended up being you talking to T’Challa about Wakanda’s history and visiting places he recommended.

T’Challa said that this wakandan food truck sells the best food.

Maybe we should go hike the Wakandan jungle, babe. T’Challa said the jungle has some of the most beautiful flowers and animals.

Hey babe, I know you said you wanted to go eat breakfast on the beach but can I shadow Shuri in the lab? T’Challa said that there is exclusive technology being created.

T’Challa is a great king

Your cousin might just be my fave cousin, babe!

T’Challa said...

From there, whenever T’Challa would come to town, he would show up at dinners and he even sent Y/N a necklace with the Wakandan sunset within it for her birthday. It was like the galaxy swirling with colors of orange, purple, and pink.

And lately he’d been sending Y/N pictures of Wakanda and invitations to Outreach events. All of this like Erik wasn’t even in the picture.

It pissed him off something serious. The only motherfucker you’re supposed to be impressed with is HIM. It should be Erik is this, Erik is that.

“Y/N wake the FUCK up.”

He breathed heavily through his nose. It was time to put his damn foot down. The shit with T’Challa was an overstep. He had words for his ass too that shit wouldn’t be forgetful.

“Y/N, I said wake that ass up, girl.”

He was as loud as he could be. You were knocked the hell out. Erik looked down on you with a glare, jaw tightly clenched like it was wired shut, eyes watery pits of anger. You wanna boast about T’Challa? He was gonna teach you. Too bad you fell asleep, now you were about to wake up to some dick in your intestines. His dick was already hard as a bitch and it was 2 am, he always got some good pussy from you around 2 am.

Maybe he had to fuck some sense into you, maybe he had to bend that ass over and bang that thing until you screamed, until you moaned his name.

(Erik, Erik, oh, Erik, yes, baby, fuck, baby, mmm.)

He missed that shit.

Erik watched as you flipped onto your belly, the sheets slipping off to show him how fat that ass got from all that Wakandan food they were feeding you. Let’s not forget the fact that you cook all those damn recipes at home. That phat fucking ass. All thick and shit. That was Erik’s thick shit. You had some fucking nerve fucking with Daddy emotions like that.

Erik took his hand, bringing it down sharply, slapping your ass so fucking hard you almost leaped out of the bed. You squeal, hands reaching back to grab your ass cheeks but all Erik did was grab your wrists.

Y/N: E?!!!

You still had sleep in your eyes.

Y/N: *whimpers* E what the fuck baby?!!!!!

Erik: Why is T’Challa sending you messages to your phone?

Y/N: *blinks tiredly* I...what?

You were half sleep right now. You didn’t even know if this were a dream or not.

Erik: Girl stop acting like you ain’t hear what I said. Why the fuck is T’Challa messaging you?

You struggle, turning your head with a face full of messy hair and cold in your eyes. You notice the burning rage in your man. Somehow, your attention span clicked into place. Why was he so damn angry.

Y/N: Baby, what the fuck are you talking about? It’s just a damn text stop being so extra.

Erik looked as if you slapped him hard.

Erik: Just a text!? Oh...okay...*stares at you in silence* so you think this shit ain’t nothing?

Erik brings his hand back down on your ass, your body twisting. You were sensitive and now you were growing wet. This shit wasn’t fair.

Y/N: ERIK STOP WITH THIS SHIT!!!!

It was ridiculous. You were groggy and weak from sleep while he continued to question you and spank your ass if you didn’t answer his question or if you gave him a lot of attitude.

Erik: ANSWER. MY. FUCKING. QUESTION.

Y/N: how about you CHILL-THE-FUCK-OUT.

Shaking your head, you grab your pillow, slapping Erik across the face with it. He sat still from the impact but the side of his face closest to you was red. He takes his hand, rubbing that area with a smile, a controlled laugh escaping his mouth. That laugh...you knew what that laugh meant.

Y/N: Fuck is wrong with you. Waking me up over some dumb shit. T’Challa isn’t doing anything wrong! You were the one so happy to introduce me to your family and now you wanna act like this?!

You lift from the bed, titties and ass bouncing in tow with your angry stomps. In the master bathroom, just across from your shared bed with Erik, you flip didnt bother to turn on the light to pee but you should have because your entire ass falls in the toilet. A loud groan filled the entire room and Erik simply sits back against the cushioned head board, eyes on you.

Y/N: You got some nerve complaining about something, I should be complaining about this toilet seat!

You angrily wipe yourself, flushing the toilet and turning on the shower.

Erik: Y/N...we ain’t done this conversation, girl. I don’t like you being friendly with T’Challa. All that friendly shit is over with, you hear what I’m saying to you? Reflect that shit where it’s supposed to be.

Erik’s leg jerked angrily in bed, head shaking as he scrolls through you and T’Challas text thread. Even the name you put him under “Challa” with a black heart emoji bothered him.

Erik: giving this nigga hearts next to his name and shit. I’m telling you...better yet I’m tired of telling you I’m deleting his number and I’m fucking the shit out of you as soon as you step foot out that shower.

Y/N: Yeah, okay. *laughs* I’m going back to bed, nigga.

Erik: The fuck you just say to me?

Y/N: .....

You didn’t respond. You chose to ignore his ass while you scrubbed down with your home made scrub, paying close attention to your ass cheeks, almost rubbing it raw. Satisfied, you rinse off fully, turning the water off and pulling the glass door back. Erik was seated at the edge of the bed now, elbows resting on his knees and eyes looking up at you through his long lashes.

Y/N: you agitate me so much it don’t make no sense. *rolls eyes*

You rub your body down with cocoa butter that you got especially from Wakanda. They had the BEST body butters. Finished, body looking like melted chocolate, you walk into the bed room, ignoring Erik’s death glare. He stands, approaching you, standing behind you while you stood at your vanity in your naked glory. You rummage through to find a pair of boy shorts and one of those cropped t-shirts you liked to sleep in.

Erik: You see this, *points to his name tattooed on the side of your hip* and this, *chokes you slightly with the gold chain he gave you with his name on it around your neck* what that tell you?

Y/N: Please. Don’t even right now. *bumps him back with your ass*

Erik: I told you what it was Y/N when you left the shower. I’m not playing you getting too comfortable with him.

You were genuinely shocked by how bothered Erik was with this. You turn to face him fully, hands on your hips and a bewildered expression on your face.

Y/N: ERIK-

You were cut off with Erik’s hand around your neck, pressing your cakes into the vanity painfully. Grabbing hold of his wrist, you match his energy by taking your other hand to wrap around his neck. He smiles at you dangerously before pulling you further towards him. A smile reaches your lips as well. So he really thought you were gonna beg? Cry out his name for him to stop and get on your knees for him? Fuck all that.

Y/N: you choking me like I’m about to cry, babe *laughs* you know you fucking with a freak, right? Ima only want it more fuck wrong with you.

Erik: *glares* You acting out of order right now, forreal. You got a lot of mouth on you, ma. I like that shit though makes me wanna fuck that ass up.

Y/N: Get the fuck off of me. I’m not about to play with you. Ain’t no way some jealous nigga beating this pussy up. I don’t fuck jealous niggas, Erik.

That really pinched a nerve. He lets go of your neck, only for him to grab hold of your hair, trying to bring you to your knees in front of him. He really tried it, the minute his hands were in your hair you reach out and slap him across his face. It wasn’t because you were mad, you just wanted him to know you meant what you said. Ain’t no way your man was gonna fuck you over jealousy. Erik knew what it was. He knew from jump that you were his. He didn’t need to be concerned about T’Challa.

Erik: THE FUCK?!!! *picks you up and tosses you on the bed roughly* YOU HITTING A NIGGA NOW?!!

Y/N: CHILL OUT!!!! *kicks his hard chest* I MEANT WHAT I SAID YOU AINT FUCKING ME OVER SOME JEALOUS SHIT.

Erik grabs your upper arms, flipping you onto your back, your head was hanging over the edge of the bed. You knew exactly what this shit meant. Erik takes off his sweats, bare dick bobbing out and hitting you in your nose. He grabs your throat, leaning over you in a 69 position while smacking his dick across your lips. It was a weighted slap because his dick was so fat and long. It had to weigh like five pounds. His heavy sack was on your head from this positon and his dick smelled so good. It smelled like herbal oil. Your thighs began to rub together tightly, pussy so wet your lips were slippery.

Erik: Open up. You know you wanna suck my dick. While you at it open that fucking pussy up I wanna see all that wet shit.

Y/N: *opens wet folds*

Erik: FUCK. *shakes head* that wet pussy, baby. Guess who got that shit wet? Me. Fucking pussy all wet and twitching for this dick.

Y/N: You are FUCKING ridiculous.

Erik: *shoves dick in your mouth* what was that?

Y/N: *talking with a mumble*

Erik: Babygirl, didn’t Daddy teach you not to talk with a mouth full of dick? Finish your food first.

He starts to move in and out, his dick sinking all the way down your throat from this angle. Your hands reach out to push at his muscular thighs, the top or your head receiving a repeated torture of slaps from his heavy sack. Out of the blue, Erik starts slapping your vulva each time his dick went deep down your throat. You had to be swollen down there. Clit all stiff, lips all fat and puffy, juices flowing like honey from a honey comb.

Erik: This how i fuck that slut mouth. This ain’t nothing yet you know how I get. *grunts* you better swallow every fucking drop too. If you try to spit that shit out I’m holding your mouth closed. Disrespectful, Bitch.

Erik pulls out, pulling you up and to your knees on the bed. At this point your face was covered with spit and so was your neck. Erik takes a hold of your hair, putting his dick back in your mouth and fucking it like a pussy. He twisted his hips, slapped your tongue, rubbed his engorged tip against your plump lips.

Y/N: *sucks dick*

Erik: *smiles* Who ain’t fucking jealous dick?

Y/N: me.

Erik: You sure?

Y/N: yes *sucks more dick*

Erik: talk to this dick. Tell this dick all that.

Y/N: *strokes sloppy dick while looking at it* You can’t have my tight little pussy.

Erik: *makes his dick jump in your hand* ooooh, I don’t think he convinced, baby. That pussy though, she want all this dick.

A dangerous look made Y/N’s eyes darker. She knew she was wrong for this but oh well. This would be fun.

Y/N: *licks Erik’s dick* I don’t know, big dick Daddy, this pussy might want T’Challa instead of you.

The minute T’Challa’s name rolled off of your tongue, Erik had you by the throat, fucking your mouth hard. It was so much dick being forced in you had to squeeze your eyes shut and claw at his hard abs. Spit was flying, gagging sounds loud and your mouth struggling to stay open long enough to take him fully. You could feel him grow in your mouth with each angry thrust, the primal look in his eyes and the animalistic nature of his thrusts causing tears to stream down your face thickly. If he didn’t stop, you were going to vomit for sure. His fat head was practically punching your uvula like a round of boxing. His eyes were on you and damn, if only you could fully appreciate it without being fucked in the mouth so damn barbaric. He was sweaty, groaning, lips poking out, eyes closing and opening, tongue sitting in the corner of his mouth, and those gold slugs looking like canines.

Erik: Y/N...DONT fucking grab me...what I just say?!! Move your fucking hands, ma! Move...your...fucking...hands... *smacks hands away hard*

He started rolling his hips, his groomed pubic hair tickling your nose from how deep he was. He was about to cum and you were afraid because Erik could cum heavy. His shit could soak through the covers, even paint the wall like spilled milk.

Erik: ughhhhh *closes eyes* ugghhh, I’m cumming. Fuck... got me in here ready to cum, girl...fuck, that nasty mouth, baby.

His hands squeezed the side of your head, his dick moving like a tidal wave as his load shot out and filled your throat like he was serving you his own flavored milk shake. You began to guzzle that shit but the more you contracted your throat, the more cum flowed. This big dick, heavy cum bussing, motherfucker. You could clap yourself on the back for taking it all.

Erik: GOOD GORL *slaps face playfully*

Erik didn’t wait for you to regain composure before his mouth was on your nipples sucking and then letting go with a loud pop. Arching your back to his starving mouth you fall back against the bed. He was gonna eat your pussy, or so you hoped he would. On his knees he starts biting your thighs and slapping you pussy and ass. You love being spanked and he was spanking you so hard your skin was swollen. The moment his lips connected with your clit you were already shaking to cum. He focused all of his energy on your bundle of nerves because he wanted to make you cum hard and fast. He knew this pissed you off but the minute he sucked on that clit the way he did you buck your hips, lifting fully from the bed while crying out.

Y/N:BA-BYYYY *cries*

Erik starts up again. You fall back, head rolling from side to side. He had your legs all the way back while his lips and tongue did damage.

Y/N: ohmygodddd...bay-beeeee....

You cum again.

He was not letting up. He proved his point. Yes, he was Daddy and only he deserved that attention. He set you straight, all that other shit didn’t matter. He wants you to return that gift to T’Challa, yes, Daddy. He wants you to delete his number, yes, Daddy. He wants you to call him T’Challa instead of Challa, give him dry ass hugs, yes, Daddy

Y/N: Yes, Daddy.

Erik: That’s what I thought, *licks lips*

Erik gets on the bed, laying on his back and motioning for you to come to him. He must have been extra horny because whenever you acted bratty he would deprive you of an orgasm. Sitting on your mans dick, you feel his large hand grab hold of your waist while his other hand rubs his dick along your pussy, sinking inside. You press your hands against his chest, tooting that ass up so he could widen his thighs. Erik was about to pump that dick into your pussy. Your lower lip trembling, you claw his shoulders, his hands grabbing hold of your love handles while he uses the power of his hips to fuck up into you.

Head thrown back, you could feel your breasts, ass, and thighs jiggle from how hard he was fucking you. He would twist his hips from side to side like he was throwing that dick in a circle to reach every single wall and crevice and sweet spot inside of you. You look back at it in your vanity mirror, his thighs all sticky from your pussy, all that ass you have rocking back on him like you were riding a bull. His dick was so shiny and it made you reach back to grab his equally shiny balls.

Y/N: Daddy...you fucking me...you fucking me, Daddy, you fucking this pussy.

Erik: *chokes you with the chain around your neck* arch your fucking back for me.

You lean further into him, his arms around you now.

Erik: Let Daddy do all the work. You wanna play with Daddy...Daddy gonna play with you.

You could feel your tits smacking him in the face but so what his dick felt too good in your pussy. He called this punishment?

Y/N: This why I got that name tatted on me! I love this dick!!

You knew you were close, you just wanted him to keep going.

Erik: You good pussy bitch. *spreads ass cheeks* opening that tight puss up!!! *slaps ass* Fucking play with me again and I will fuck your little ass up every single time.

Y/N: oooooo, babe!

Erik: Shit, I can feel that pussy...let be feel that pussy...let me in that pussy...

You bite his shoulder, the constant banging making you clench him. The moment you cum on his dick, coating it in cream, was the minute you wanted his babies. Little brown babies running around because of tonight. You would open this pussy up for all of his dick, cum, tongue, lips, whatever!

Y/N: You’re my Daddy *bites lip*

Erik: I bet I am, *slaps both ass cheeks* this how I gotta do you, huh? I gotta give you this good dick to make you come to your senses?

Y/N: *nods head slowly* mhmm

Erik: I gotta fuck that pussy to remind you? You hear me talking to you?

Y/N: Yes, Daddy.

Erik: Turn around then and let me fuck that pussy some more. You better arch your back, you better give me all that good pussy.

You turn around, arching over his dick. The minute you got into positon, he fucks into you again, your eyes low and watery. No longer did you have 20/20 vision. He was deep in you.

Y/N: ohmygod...you’re really in there *bites lip*

Erik: FUCKKK.... *looks at ass mesmerizingly* Don’t you EVER play with me like that again. This shit is mines, bruh.

You throw it on him, bouncing in time with his strokes to match him. The more you showed him you could handle it the bigger the cum you will receive. Glistening bodies, loud moans of pleasure, nasty talk so heavy you had to look at him as if to say “this really my man?”

Erik: Damn, Usana (baby)...You always make my dick cum so much!!!! *moans* damn, you always do this to a nigga, having me making a big ass mess.

It didn’t take long for you to feel him growing thick inside of you. You look back at him while popping your pussy, working for all that cum to shoot into your pussy. Clenching you’re walls, you allow him to fuck you again, his sloppy strokes moving all around inside of you that you collapsed onto your knees. The fucking grew so intense that the minute you sank to your knees, Erik lifts up, moving you down with your ass pointed into the air, fucking you from the back. That arch was mean, he love fucking you this way. He didn’t even use your hips for leverage, he moved in and out of you with his hands to his sides. Only the power of his hips drilled you. The feeling was oh so sweet. You suck on your fingers, head resting on the bed while he finished up. This man was speaking Xhosa, that Wakandan dialect like ASMR.

Erik: Ndiyeke...(let me cum) *slaps ass* yimigodi....(you are mines).

Y/N could see the Wakandan sunset from her positon. It was that good she could see the beautiful country.

Y/N: come on, baby, that’s it...that’s it, daddy...yess, give me that dick, cum in me.

Your words pushes Erik over the edge. He had to grab hold of your ass to keep from falling off of the bed. His cum ran through you. You could feel that shit in your belly almost. Sighing, you clench him, pulling it all from him. Erik continues to fuck you, not wanting to break that connection. The more he stayed, the more cum would stay.

Erik: You Gotta let me go, ma *groans*

Y/N: Not yet, cum in me again.

This is why his ass was so bothered. You had him hooked. He’d never been this whipped before.

[grownups-are-the-real-monsters]

(There's No Place Like) Jake's House for Christmas

{I’ve decided to post some Holiday one-shots during this Holiday season!! Leading up to Christmas, I’ll post a one-shot for a few different King Ships so be on the look out!!}

Summary: Cuthbert’s toes were going to break off in a few seconds if he didn’t switch positions but the glittering Christmas lights would never get put up that way. He continued to stand on his tip-toes, pressing the green wire of multi-colored bulbs against their wall. 

He glanced over his shoulder to spot his husband digging through the box of dusty decorations with something like pensive curiosity on his face. Almost as if he had trouble seeing the point in decorating at all, which Cuthbert knew was a very likely possibility. It might irritate him if Roland didn’t flash him genuinely warm smiles every twenty minutes. 

Fandom: The Dark Tower

Ships: Roland/Cuthbert, Jake/Benny, Susannah/Eddie 

Word Count: 6,773

The year of Jake’s 13th Birthday had so far been the busiest one in the Deschain-Allgood household. The husbands had finally managed to gather a regular crowd at their own bar which they’d opened just the previous year (despite all obstacles from outside and inside sources). And just a few weeks shy of Jake’s big day, their old, ‘We’re Homophobic but won’t say it out-loud’ neighbors moved out of the sweet brick house to their right. Roland had helped carry out boxes just to make them uncomfortable one last time. Loving Father and darling son had played an extra long game of catch there in the front-lawn while the old sweethearts ‘politely’ hid their scowls. 

From that point on, dead silence was all that came from next door. Roland had been pleased with the idea of having no obnoxious neighbors coming to replace them but just days before Jake’s birthday, a large moving truck rolled down the street. It had hiccupped like an old man before parking up against the Robinson’s old curb. Cuthbert had just enough time to spy on them through the safety of their large Livingroom window before he was due to open their bar for the night. “Young enough to be our kids, maybe.” He’d wrinkled his nose as Jake observed the couple for himself. 

“You sure that one isn’t yours, dad?” Jake bumped Cuthbert’s arm and gestured to the skinny long-haired man pushing his girlfriend up the walk-way in her wheelchair. They’d stayed silent again for a moment or two, father and son kneeling on the breaking couch. The neighbor turned to get a box then, showing off a t-shirt which read ‘Somebody who hates me went to Colorado & all they got me was this dumbass shirt’. 

Cuthbert and Jake fell into eerily similar sounding hysteric laughter while Roland finally attempted to sneak some glances. 

They’d had to order in that night because Roland burned their dinner. 

More time began to pass and Jake realized he’d have to save himself from the embarrassment of having 1 one incredibly recluse father and 1 overly-social dad and make the first neighborly move all on his own. 

That had been accomplished by playing out in the backyard with Oy on the finest of autumn afternoons. He kept himself busy until he suspected someone on the other side of that wood fence had come out to enjoy the weather. So...

He picked up his catching ball and ‘accidentally’ tossed it over. 

What he hadn’t known was that his neighbor, later introduced as Eddie Dean, had been sitting in a lounge chair positioned perfectly for him to get popped in the shoulder. 

However, Eddie of New York hadn’t cared. He played about 15 minutes worth of catch with Jake until gathering his girlfriend, Susannah, for a formal family introduction. 

Jake didn’t get to hear much of that first conversation they’d had with his Father’s but he didn’t need to. For he’d always had a knack for sensing certain things. What he felt from Eddie and Susannah was an outpour of warmth and determination for life...Jake supposed that was exactly what tied Roland to them so instantly. 

: : : : : : : : : Time had slipped through young Jake’s fingers like the fluffy snow which now fell from the gray clouds hovering above the neighborhood. Silver bells were ringing out for Christmas and the upcoming New year. 

He passed through the cold, dead eyes of many Snowmen on his walk home from the last day of school. He pulled aimlessly at his heavy coat (old and comforting, passed down from Cuthbert) when he felt a sudden jolt of shock that took a bit of his breath away. He didn’t have to look to know who that was. 

There against the white fuzzy sky and curling Jake’s back in a forward hunch was Benny Slightman and his familiar toothy grin. “Merry Christmas Jake!” 

“Gee, thanks Benny.” He did his best to hide his amused expression, trying to look back at him as best as he could. Benny shifted and looped his arms around his neck with ease. “Happy Holidays, here’s a broken back.” He huffed yet hiked the slightly smaller boy up to keep steady. 

Benny only chuckled happily, he felt the breath on his ear as he wiggled his feet. “This isn’t the way to your house...?” 

Jake rolled his eyes as he started to turn around. “Astute observation Benny.” He reached up to move his friend’s hand down to avoid being choked. “I was going to walk past your house to see if I’d run into you and....” 

Another laugh. Benny tightened his grip and enjoyed the sounds of crunching snow under his friend’s feet. He nuzzled his face into the dip between Jake’s cheek and shoulder. 

Those same snowmen from before, with eyes of dull black, watched again as Jake padded back with a boy caught on his back. They, of course, said nothing but stared one. Sometimes from under knit hats but more often they sported simple bald heads. “I have a question for you, Benny.” 

His friend hummed but spoke nothing. 

“My dad’s are having this Christmas party tonight.” He shoved the boy farther up his back, gently. “Our neighbors are coming and everything. Do you wanna come?” The slight hiccup of nerves in his voice was obvious only to him. 

“Sounds fun to me!” 

Jack smiled, holding onto the boy’s legs a bit tighter. ‘Yes. Benny could come. Yes, he could come and play.’

Benny had yet to actually come over to his home. He’d never even seen Roland or Cuthbert--not that Jake had been afraid for such. Benny was purely sweet. Older in years but younger at heart. Jake had no doubt that the boy would be impressed by his fathers. There weren’t very many people in town these days that weren’t. It sounded braggy but Jake took pride in his family. He just didn’t want them to think...-

He’d mentioned his buddy to his parents a few times...at least enough for Cuthbert to insist he invite him over. But for an odd reason, Jake kept on keeping Benny to himself like his own special secret friend. Cuthbert sensed as much considering he gave Jake mini-looks whenever the subject came up. He liked for his son to let-go and behave like a carefree boy and if getting to spend some time away from home with a new friend was the way to this, he’d be ok with that. 

Benny sniffled into his mitten as snow continued to flurry down all around them, standing out against the colorful strings of lights around the streetlamps. Christmas was upon them now but would be over just as quickly. Boy boys silently hoped for a long stand-still pause; one to make the Holiday last much longer. 

“Wanna walk to the Dunkin’ Donuts for hot chocolate?” 

Jake attempted to look back again. “Yeah! I’ll even buy you a doughnut.��� He looked both ways once they reached the busy street and allowed Benny to slide off his back and plant his feet on the concrete. 

“What did I do to deserve that?” He teased but Jake just shrugged. 

“Nothing.” He looked off down the distant right and felt a knot of pure joy hit his gut. 

: : : : : : : : :

Cuthbert’s toes were going to break off in a few seconds if he didn’t switch positions but the glittering Christmas lights would never get put up that way. He continued to stand on his tip-toes, pressing the green wire of multi-colored bulbs against their wall. 

He glanced over his shoulder to spot his husband digging through the box of dusty decorations with something like pensive curiosity on his face. Almost as if he had trouble seeing the point in decorating at all, which Cuthbert knew was a very likely possibility. It might irritate him if Roland didn’t flash him genuinely warm smiles every twenty minutes. 

The humble green tree had been set-up in their living room for a week previous to the day Cuthbert announced he wanted to have a Christmas party. Roland had lifted Jake off the floor to hang the star. 

The home--their home--was sort of small but fleshed out with the strapping personalities of the men who’d bought it years ago. It shined during each Christmas season because they had a young boy--who was now a ways past young...

Slowly, he lowered himself down and came upon his husband to kneel next to him. He briefly admired the box which turned out to be filled with the ghosts of Christmas past; macaroni noodle ornaments made by the hands of a boy not too much younger than Jake. “Our son is a teenager.” 

Roland scoffed, thumping his hands past several tongue depressor reindeer. His eyes--heavy with sleep--blinked thoughtfully. 

“Seems like just yesterday he was following you wherever you went.” Cuthbert gently reached for Roland’s hand. “Remember him walking around the house with your boots on-?” He paused, feeling that memory deep in his chest. “I look at him and I see you, Roland.” He began to rub his thumb in smooth circles against the rough skin of his husbands palm. “Being a father looks good on you.” 

“Better on you.” Roland gently slapped Cuthbert’s hand. For a moment they just leaned on each other. “I’m gonna miss driving him everywhere. I already don’t get to tell him stories at bedtime anymore-” Roland shrugged, to anyone but his husband he would only look indifferent but Cuthbert knew he was broken up. 

“There’s time left, Roland. Lots. Do you good to remember that.” He kissed him quickly. “We’ve done good. Combing knots out of his hair...taking him to school.” This time he had to stop himself with a purse of his lips. “You’ve come a long way from the boy who told me he didn’t know he could be a father.” 

Roland looked a mixture of touched and sad. “I still think about that day I dropped him.” 

Cuthbert rolled his eyes but his stomach dropped at the memory-echo of little Jake’s screaming mixing with Roland’s horrified gasps. It’d been shortly after the adoption process. That baby had wiggled his tiny body right out of his new father’s arms and tumbled to the floor. Carpeted but still just about the scariest sound in the world. “That was a long time ago. You wouldn’t ever let him fall again.” He teased but with a genuine smile. 

Roland only smiled back, kissed Cuthbert’s temple and continued to sort through the box. Together they separated what was worth keeping out & what needed to be thrown away. Cuthbert’s dancing snowmen were in the garbage pile for two-minute intervals every twenty minutes before Roland finally gave up.

“Bert?” Roland frowned as he watched his husband carry the snowmen into their bedroom. No answer. “Cuthbert?” still nothing. He frowned, hopping up to chase after him. 

Cuthbert was rooting his hands through their sock draw and occasionally pulling out a few pairs and folding them together. The snowmen were dancing and singing just at his eye-line. It was obviously very amusing to him which Roland couldn’t help but admire. 

Cuthbert’s broken nails caught on threads every few minutes so he’d pull and pull until the thin string would just snap. But on the eighth time he grew a little bit restless and snapped the string. Quickly shutting the drawer afterwards. “Roland?”

He turned to his husband, who was still lazing around behind him like he wasn’t sure how to decorate without direction. He gave him a small smile and walked towards him, putting his hand on his back. Roland looked up at him, waiting for him to speak whatever was on his mind. “Do you think-” he paused for a second before shaking her head. “Never mind, it’s stupid.”

Roland smiled up at him and chuckled. “You say a lot of stupid things, I won’t mind.”

Cuthbert gave him a look that he’d seen a lot of wives give their husbands when they were younger and felt a genuine thrill that he had a husband to be annoyed with now. It was a look of amusement and familiarity. “Well, I was just wondering…” he began again, going back over to the drawers to root around for Christmas socks. “Do you think Jake has something to tell us?” he asked, a little unsure of himself. 

Roland cocked his head to the side and looked lost. “Like what?” He asked, swirling an extra mini string on dead lights in his hand. Cuthbert sighed and leaned back on the drawers behind him. Clasping his hands together, he spoke again.

“Well, he’s been spending a lot of time with that Benny kid….” he trailed off, waiting to see the glaze of realization in his husbands eyes but Roland just smiled.

“Yeah, that’s great. Isn’t it? I’m glad he’s got someone to hang out with, I was getting worried-”

“Roland!” he crossed his arms and the corner of his mouth raised into a small grin. “I mean, do you think the boys….”

Roland still had that clueless look on his face so Cuthbert tried to specify with a look what he had actually meant. “….like each-other?” he finished. 

“No.” Roland answered, definitively. Just like that. Cuthbert was actually a bit hurt by the quick rejection. He raised his brows. 

“That was decisive.” His head shook just the same as the snowmen behind him. “I was only asking because he’s just seemed so happy-”

“Because they are friends.” Roland shrugged. 

“Yes but he keeps him away from us-”

“Jake probably doesn’t want us to embarrass him.” 

Cuthbert scowled at the contestant interruptions. “Yes but they go down to the woods all the time-”

“And? We used to do that all the time too.” Roland shrugged again which defused some of Cuthbert's anger into laughter. 

“We’re married now! We snuck down there to make-out! Don’t you see my point here?” He hunched over to get the last of his hearty laughter out but Roland looked completely annoyed by the whole show. “I’m not laughing at you.”

“Good.” He rolled his eyes, shoving the string-lights aside so he could leave the room. 

Cuthbert followed him like a lost puppy, same hurt expression too. “Why is this making you so uncomfortable?” 

Roland turned, just now noticing that Cuthbert had stuck an old (probably rusty) Christmas pin through the earring hole he’d first given himself in the sixth grade. He sighed with a soft expression, now reaching over to unclasp the damn thing before it got infected. 

Cuthbert just moved back as if burned. The pain that cause Roland was obvious on his face. 

“I don’t want to think about him growing up right now, Bert.” His partner’s voice was uncharacteristically soft. There was more to the issue, that they both knew, but it was have to wait for a later period. Now, Cuthbert just brushed his hand against his love’s face and smiled. 

Outside the snow pelted down harder and covered their lawn in a cold blanket of slush. The picture of their son’s growth would surely not freeze but the air surrounding their home most defiantly would. So, Cuthbert decided it was time to make some hot chocolate and cuddle with the man he’s been enamored with since they were small.

“You want a candy cane in yours?” Roland asked, as if reading his thoughts. 

“Yes please.”

A few kisses and a laugh later, the men were guzzling down their warm drinks and waiting for their company to come.

: : : : : : : : :

'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose …’

Benny’s nose twitched almost as if taking cue from the song and Jake thought it had to be the most adorable thing he’d ever seen...He looked back down at his sad little doughnut and sighed. Hot chocolate burned it’s way down his throat while he wondered just what his parents were doing. 

The two boys sat in the lonesome corner of the Dunkin Donut’s where he knew for a fact Benny had once spilled a bottle of strawberry milk all over himself when he was nine. The picture of the incident in his mind made Jake want to giggle. Instead, he watched Benny pull his sweater sleeves over his hands and drink tiny sips of his hot drink.

“Quit your looking at me.” Benny chuckled almost self consciously--though he needn’t be--and tried to flip Jake off with subtlety he never had. It only made Jake feel alive with joy; he kept looking. “You can get a cup of whip-cream for dogs, look-!” Benny cast his eyes over at a couple feeding their little furry-friend at the counter. “We should’ve brought Oy.” 

Jake loved the way Benny absolutely adored his dog just as much as he did. It almost made him feel like they were part of a little unit. “I think you only like me for Oy.” 

Nat King Cole changed to Paul McCartney and Benny bounced a little atop his stool. “He’s a nice bonus.” He chuckled. “But you’re my honest favorite.” Benny leaned in closer over the table. 

Jake surprised himself by letting a blush bled into his cheeks. He quickly looked away.

Benny, as carefree as ever, didn’t seem to notice. “What are your dad’s gonna think of me?” That question shocked Jake. He nearly choked on his doughnut. 

“I guess what they already think of you.” He finished chewing and swallowed carefully under Benny’s watchful eyes. He wanted more, obviously. Jake pounded his fist to his chest. “I’ve never been very good at making friends, to be completely honest Benny. My parents are pretty happy with you.” 

That earned him a smile as white as the snow. “And they haven’t even met me yet!” He struck a bit nervous to Jake in that moment. 

Honestly, Jake couldn’t see how anyone in their right mind could dislike Benny. There was so much the boy found to love in his friend--his openness, appetite for fun, his willingness to work hard when there was chores to do. And there was that yodeling laugh of his--to name just a few things. “I have your Christmas present ready for tonight.” 

Benny was aglow at just the mention. “Me too.” He tapped his bag, which was currently close to sitting in a puddle. Jake chuckled lightly and allowed himself to admire his friend. 

He thought back to the time not so long ago when they’d met. When Jake had been introduced to Benny’s kindly personality. He’d been deeply afraid he would only lose the friendship they had developed so quickly. He’d been a boy who constantly lived in his head and not many kids his age liked him. But surprisingly, Benny had grown quite attached to Jake. Reminding the boy of that John Denver song that Cuthbert sometimes sang around the house... ‘Follow me where I go what I do and who I know. Make it part of you to be a part of me’

Jake let a quick release of air pass his lips in the way Benny used to do when they slept close together at the Slightman household. He was growing attached as well...

“Jake!” 

The boy did not jump...not in the slightest. But Benny nearly jumped to the ceiling, it was quite funny considering the man who shouted was just Father Callahan. The man from Salem’s Lot who now lived here in town with them. 

He was dusting powdery snow from his shoulders and juggling a few bags as he strolled past the counter (for now) to say hello. It looked like a scene straight from the print of a Christmas card. “Good afternoon.” Jake hopped off his stool to help the man set his bags on a nearby table. 

“Oh, thank you.” Callahan smiled, taking off his gloves with an appreciative expression. 

“No problem, Father.” He shrugged then looked back to Benny, looking a bit...shy. Which was a bit odd. “This is my friend, Benny Slightman.” 

Callahan held out a hand and shook with the boy before digging through his bags. Jake watched him with amusement. “Would you like to come to our Christmas party, sir?” 

The man turned, looking a bit touched. “If your parents would have me.” He nodded to himself. “I believe I carry a gift for your Roland in one of these bags.” He huffed. 

“I hope you’ll promise not to have one of those long religious debates with my dad.” Exasperation was hard to keep from his voice. Benny looked like he wanted to chuckle but...he held back for whatever reason. 

Donald Callahan held up his hands in mock surrender. “I promise.” 

: : : : : : : : :

The twenty-three year olds had much more energy than Roland imagined he even had left. He watched--gleefully if you asked Cuthbert--as Susannah and Eddie Dean made their way up the walk to the door. 

They were chuckling already, Roland could hear Eddie singing ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’. He smiled and opened the door before they could even knock. 

‘Life was funny. Sometimes it delivered you two of the greatest friends a person could have. But it also gave you the inability to voice your genuine thankfulness for their being.’

“Merry Christmas!” Eddie leaned in to smack a kiss against Roland’s rough cheek before moving on to Cuthbert. Roland did not have the time to playfully shove him back before Suzie approached with that special little smile just for him. 

“Happy Holidays old man.” She smiled and accepted a gentle hug before wheeling herself in the open spot next to Cuthbert’s rocking chair. 

Eddie Dean was admiring the tinsel surrounding the kitchen while mixing himself some kind of Christmas drink. Roland watched his friend for a few moments, only meeting his eye when he spilled the eggnog into the sink. He took the time to be grateful that he could share Eddie’s laughter. 

“Where’s Jake?” Suzie craned her neck towards the bedrooms. As she did so, Oy padded his way out of Jake’s and scampered over to jump into her lap. He didn’t usually take to strangers but Eddie & Susannah seemed to be exceptions. 

“Out with his friend, Benny.” Cuthbert took the same drink order which Eddie handed to him without hesitation. “Think he probably invited him over for the party.” He hushed his voice like the topic was a secret. 

From the kitchen, Eddie noticed that with ease as he stirred Roland’s hot chocolate. Standing there in his neighbors--friends--house with his fuzzy snowmen socks pressed against the cold tile, Eddie Dean felt at home. “You ok, big guy?” He slapped the back of his hand to Roland’s hard chest. 

The big guy in question wiped down the splash of eggnog he’d gotten on his shirt and shrugged. He would speak nothing of the stirring inside him, that much Eddie knew. 

“I brought a classic Christmas movie.” He changed the subject for him, popping some kind of snack he’d found into his mouth. He pulled free a DVD case from his back pocket. 

“Star Wars...” Roland squinted like an old man to read “Is not a Christmas movie. Put that away before Cuthbert thumps you.” He chuckled, sipping hesitantly at his drink. 

“Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, thank you very much.” Eddie scoffed. “It takes place on a snow planet. That’s close enough.” He shrugged. “Plus, I’m still mad at your husband for saying the Prequels are better.” 

Roland smiled at the mention of that long debate the two similar men had during their mini Thanksgiving get-together. Eddie had decided the time had come to share his fondness of the movies with his older friends. Jake had gotten a real kick out of watching them go back-and-forth for nearly two hours. “If it were up to me, I’d let you.” He rolled his lips together to taste some more chocolate as he set down the mug. “You know I thought those movies were kind of...cool.” 

Eddie chuckled. “You were a real riot, Roland. Something to say about every scene.” 

“I just like the idea of...a spiritual force binding us together.” His eyes seemed to gloss over. “One that directs us...has a will of it’s own.” He clinked their mugs together before turning around to join his husband and Susannah. 

Eddie pursed his lips together. “I just like the lightsaber fights but whatever.” 

“Come on, Eddie! We’re watching ‘A Christmas Story!’“ Susannah called. 

“Can’t we watch a Christmas movie that isn’t overplayed like...‘Home Alone’ or ‘Scrooged’!” He pretended to pout. “Oooh or ‘Gremlins’!” He bounced on his slippery socks as he plopped right next to Roland. 

“Since when is Home Alone not overplayed?” Susannah rolled her eyes fondly. Delicate flakes of snow continued to fall and press against the glass of the window behind her head.  

“And we can’t watch Gremlins, it scares Roland!” Cuthbert smirked and was immediately rewarding with a hard kick to the ankle. The attempt to hush him did not even phase him. Eddie burst into hysterical laughter. 

Susannah even fell victim to the giggles, leaning over the arm of her chair to try and conceal it. 

“He’s lying. It doesn’t scare me.” Roland thumped his husband on the arm and leaned back on the couch, ignoring his husband mocking him. “Ask Jake.” Cuthbert pretended to nod in agreement but sipped his eggnog suspiciously. 

: : : : : : : : :

Jake gulped down his hot chocolate without considering that Benny might be staring at him. Father Callahan went on to his own table with a peppermint tea to finish sorting through his gifts. They could still hear the shuffling of gift wrap and bags upon bags. 

“Jake?”

The boy finally set down his drink and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. The foamy residue was erased in a half-second. Benny had to fight away the thought of tasting that chocolate. Deep down there was a part of himself sparring against the naivety which he’d lived with for years. “Should we wait to walk over with Father Callahan?” 

Jake paused, noticing the tonal shift within his friend. “We could...” He glanced over at the man before going back to Benny with a gentle grin. “But we don’t have to. He could just meet us all there.”

Benny tried not to look too pleased with that answer but found it hard to stop his shy smile as he hid it behind his cup. He watched as Jake went over to say his goodbye to his old friend with nerves building up. 

“We’re good to go.” He threw away the empty cups and grabbed for Benny’s wrist, pulling him out of the Dunkin’ with something like excitement. The touch burned pleasantly at the boy’s skin with hot intensity. For a ridiculous moment, Benny worried Jake might catch the way his pulse was thundering and drop him from his grasp with disgust. He didn’t dare to look at the Father as they darted out. 

Together, they walked a little over a block before either of them spoke again. Benny kept his heart to a calm flutter and thought briefly of the Christmas song Jake was crazy for...‘The moon and stars seem awful cold and bright Let's hope the snow will make this Christmas right...’

The snow was at that point, a thin blanket coating the wet ground. It would soon be the same kind of dangerous ice that his Father had despised. It’d make it hard for him to drive to work, he’d complain with a shaking fist.

Abruptly, Jake turned to face him with his nose a bright color to rival Rudolph’s. He pulled softly at the end of Benny’s sleeve, truly making him all the more endearing. ‘My friend the world will share this special night. Because it's Christmas...’

His eyes were glowing like the festive sparkling bulbs across each house’s rooftops. If he knew of the stunning beauty it made him, Jake showed not. Instead, he just kept swaying their arms in the cold air. 

“Jake?” 

The boy blinked. “Sorry. I was just-” He waved his spare hand by his ear. “I wrote some stuff on your card. But I think I’d rather just say it to you...before we get to my house. If that’s ok?” 

Benny raised his brows but nodded quickly. “Yeah-yes. I’m ok with that.” He smiled, kicking himself for sounding so stupid. Jake smiled, looking confident in a way that Benny couldn’t imagine for himself. His heart thumped down to his gut. 

“First of all, Merry Christmas.” He chuckled, looking embarrassed for the first time in a while. He wiped his free sleeve against his cheek when hot color blossomed underneath. “I’m glad you’re my friend, Benny. I really needed a good one and you’re the best.” He swayed their hands again but did not meet Benny’s eyes. “I really like you.”

Benny couldn’t even begin to convince himself that he didn’t hear Jake’s special inflection or see the way he’d widened his eyes. “I really like you too, Jake.” 

His friend blushed fiercer and let his hand fall from Benny’s sleeve to fully grab onto his hand, interlocking their grip. For a second, the boys couldn’t manage much else but giggling there in the middle of the sidewalk. 

“I’ll race you home?” Jake challenged.

Benny smirked and hugged the boy’s hand tighter, their palms were a sweaty and warm relief from the bitter cold. “You’ll have to let me go.” The party seemed a weary idea now compared to their new found discovery. But as the snow continued to poor down on them, Jake seemed suddenly eager. 

He hesitantly slipped his hand free and blinked up at Benny with curious eyes before launching forward and placing a surprise kiss against his cheek. He pulled back and stood for a mere second before taking off towards his house. 

“That’s cheating, Chambers!” Benny called out, catching a few snowflakes on his lips before chasing after the boy. 

: : : : : : : : :

Eddie was curled up against Susannah with a look of pleasant shock at the scene unfolding in front of their eyes. 

Cuthbert lounged right onto Roland’s lap and was heavily making-out with the man in such a...relaxed state. Neither neighbor had ever seen Roland so...open or frisky before. The guy was downright playful in the way that he ran his large hand through Cuthbert’s tangled hair and knocked off his obnoxious Santa hat. 

Susannah smiled for a moment before throwing the DVD case at their heads. “Quit that, will you?” She chuckled when Cuthbert tumbled onto the floor with a smile. She pretended to ignore her husbands thumbs-up directed to a now more in-character Roland, who was looking stern once again. “Your boy will be home any minute.” 

Cuthbert leaned against Roland’s tall leg and grinned. 

As if on cue, the front door creaked open to reveal two red-faced boys as they piled into the home, wiping their boots on the mat. “Hey guys.” Jake bounced inside, greeting Oy with rushed excitement. His friend stayed back by the doorway with a shy expression. Eddie waved, hoping to ease the kid. 

“This is Benny Slightman.” Jake reached out for his friend from his place, kneeling in front of Oy, and urged him forward. 

Roland shifted in the arm chair, both Eddie and Susannah noticed the uncomfortable look on his face. Eddie felt a sudden urge to go over and ask him about it. However, Cuthbert crossed the room to shake the kids hand before anyone could do anything else. 

“Cuthbert, Jake’s Dad.” He grinned, the beautiful one of his. He pointed to his Husband. “That’s Roland, his other Dad. Over there are our neighbors, Susannah and Eddie Dean.” 

Benny nervously shifted on his feet and nodded. Susannah smiled kindly and was close enough to offer her hand to shake. “Nice to meet you, Benny. You boys want to watch ‘Home Alone two’ with us?” She asked kindly, not knowing this had immediately endeared her to the kid. Benny decided just then that he really liked her. 

Jake gave Oy a final pat before stealing a glance to Roland. “Maybe we’ll join later. Benny and I are gonna go exchange gifts in my room.” 

Roland seemed to consider the statement with some kind of tension hanging in the air. Nothing necessarily bad...just a bit awkward though for once in his life, Jake didn’t seem to notice anything was off. “Alright.” He took a long sip of his coffee and smiled back when Jake rewarded him with one. 

The boy ushered his friend into the other room and quickly shut the door behind them. 

“And what did I say?” Cuthbert asked, a smirk on his face but Roland didn’t seem too amused. He looked blankly at the closed door before excusing himself for a refill. Eddie watched Cuthbert deflate and felt a pang of sadness for him.

He got up, Susannah urging him to follow Roland, and went straight for the kitchen to chase the pacing man. “What’s up with you?” He asked, sparing his own look to Jake’s closed door. 

“Nothing.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and dug his fingers into an open bag of cookies left on the counter by Cuthbert earlier. He wasn’t the biggest fan of Peppermint but the taste was actually quite nice on his hot tongue. Ignoring his friends obvious attempt to shut down the conversation, Eddie blocked the doorway. “I’m not an idiot, you know?”

“Nothing that concerns you, Eddie.” Roland corrected himself with that special classy asshole tone of his. Nothing couldn’t possibly piss Eddie off quicker than that voice. 

“Just when I think we’re getting to be close, you shut me down.” He scowled and swallowed a particularly minty chunk of cookie. “I wonder how Cuthbert feels being married to someone so...”

“So what?” Roland’s wise eyes crinkled with anger. 

“So guarded...so solitary.” Eddie flicked his tongue accusingly and nearly choked on the cookie crumbs lingering in his mouth. Part of him found it disgustingly strong and wanted to spit up the remnants into the silver sink. But he held that back in favor of appearing non-idiotic. 

Roland huffed and blew past his skinnier friend and treaded his way back to the lounge seat. 

“Oh no, Don’t waltz back in here if you’re all worked up.” Susannah’s voice came from a ways off, making Eddie smile despite the annoyance flaring up inside him. He could always count on his wife. 

Eddie followed in shortly after and plopped down next to Cuthbert who was looking just as irritated when he leaned over to whisper; “Suzy thinks Roland has some internalized homophobia to work-out.” 

Eddie raised a brow. “The dude is married to a man, how can he be homophobic?” He asked, feeling that dreaded idiotic feeling again. 

Taking another invisible cue, the doorbell rang and was used as Roland’s next distraction. 

Father Don Callahan & a handsome friend entered behind a small pile of Christmas printed bags. 

: : : : : : : : :

Benny ran his hand through his hair, feeling through the soft curls. He found that he did that more and more, especially when he was nervous. The heat from just his nerves alone was getting close to unbearable. He shed his larger coat (finally) and placed it awkwardly in his lap. 

Though, Jake simply reached out to swipe it and threw it across his bed (blue sheets) with a smile thick with teeth. “Merry Christmas, Benny.” He placed a delicate present (silver wrapping) between their criss-crossed legs. 

His hands shook but his smile never faltered because Jake was just about the cutest Benny had ever seen him. He watched nervously as he playfully shook the gift. 

Unwrapping slowly, bending the paper under his curled fingers and enjoying that attention…was NOT of his nature. Not at all. Benny tore open the gift with anxiety pouring out of him like sweat.

Laying atop a bed of fluff was one of those spinner rings he’d talked about just a couple weeks ago. It stared up at him, shining into his eyes. 

“You said you wanted to try one of them to help with your fidgeting.” Jake grinned before scooting closer to pick it from the bed and hold it out for his friend. Benny slowly slid his ring finger into the cold silver with a warm blush taking over his cheeks. 

“I got one with paw prints on it...cause you only like me for my dog, you know?” He chuckled, backing off slightly to watch Benny’s reaction. 

“Rad.” A horrible word really. But it was just the one to pop into his mind like a dumb old jack-in-the-box. Benny cringed but quickly laughed it off. “I mean, Thanks, Jake. I love it. Thank you!” He spun the metal and watched the prints blur. “Your turn, now!” He reached into his own bag and handed over a medium sized green box. The red ribbon glittered under the light. 

The boys had gone for the same theme, it seemed. Jake pulled free a silver ornament in perfect likeness to Oy by it’s velvety red loop. Though Benny felt a renewed sense of inferiority as he spun his ring, Jake’s eyes light up. He cradled his hands under the ornament with that shy smile of his. 

“It’s lame, I know, to get someone an ornament for Christmas...” Benny frowned. “Your gift-”

"It's not a competition, Benny. Besides..." Jake turned back to look at the ornament that was now laying in the tissue paper. "I love it, you know me so well." He chuckled before biting into his cheek and turning slightly, to face Benny fully. He opened his mouth to say something but Benny was quicker to voice his own thought.

“Do you want to go back to watch the movie...?” He gestured to the door. 

“Do you?” Jake countered. 

No. He did not. Benny really wanted to keep their illusion of privacy up for just a little longer. His heart was doing flips in his chest just at the thought of it. “No...” He giggled. “But I get the sense that you’ll be missed, Jake.” 

The boy shrugged. “Ok. We’ll go watch.” They set their gifts onto Jake’s nightstand and went for the door but before either of their hands could curl around the gold, Jake leaned over and gently kissed Benny’s cheek. 

It was quick and devastatingly soft. But very, very important to both of them.

: : : : : : : : :

The two boys ended up on the couch with a blanket tossed over them by Cuthbert, only one so of course they had to squish together or else one of them would be too cold.

Jake had somehow found himself with Benny’s sleeping head resting on his shoulder by the second movie. Not that he minded it at all. Benny had a candy cane hanging out of the side of his mouth that he occasionally twirled around. But was now slipping from the corner of his lips. 

Roland watched Jake, who was watching Benny, with a feeling of...discomfort(?) that even he didn’t understand. 

“Please free that cane before it goes down the kids throat, Jake.” Susannah chuckled. The boy chuckled and when he slipped the red & white candy out, Benny shook himself awake.  

“Sorry.” 

“S’fine.” Jake grinned and let his gaze linger. Benny looked around for that Father Callahan, who’d been in the kitchen when he fell asleep, and found him basically curled up with that friend he’d brought; Lupe. 

Benny widened his eyes. “Is he gay?” He snapped his head over to whisper to Jake, who’d started to cackle. 

“Yeah, he is.” He wiped his sleeve across his mouth to settle down. “We’re you worried he was...homophobic?” His brow raised as he remembered how off his friend became in that Dunkin’ when ol’ Father Don Callahan came over. 

“Yes!” 

The boys dissolved into a privately shared laugh as Oy jumped onto the couch next to them.

Cuthbert plopped down into Roland’s lap and gently ran his fingers down his shoulder as they just watched their son. “Are you alright?” 

Roland nodded, pulling his eyes away and towards his handsome husband who was cuddling down next to him despite the limited seat room. It would be annoying if it were anyone else on earth but for Cuthbert, Roland loved like Cupid. 

He kissed the top of his head and hid behind it slightly as the intro to ‘Gremlins’ played on their small TV. “I hate you.” He mumbled into Cuthbert’s hair. 

He hummed. “I love you too.” He leaned back and kissed Roland’s jaw. “Merry Christmas.” 

Outside, the snow had slowed considerably but the ground was not visible under the thick blanket given from the sky. 

[sarah-blue-eyes]

2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit​, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

 Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

 Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am  

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got  n e r v o u s  because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

[withabackpackandcamera]

July 3rd, 2021

Day 8: Horses, Waterfalls, and Highlands On Our Last Full Day of Nature

Over the last two days of driving, an idea came to me of how I could finally give Cynthia her overdue birthday gift while here in Iceland. With so much commuting time to ponder it, I slowly thought about the possibilities and finally came up with the idea of an impromptu Icelandic horseback riding experience! Cynthia loves horses and riding on an Icelandic horse would be both a unique and fun experience to have while here in Iceland! So after I threw that idea out, Cynthia called some places to figure out what last minute options we had for booking. Eventually, we settled on Vik Horse Adventures, a horse-riding tour company in Vik, that had open time slots that were most convenient for our already-packed itinerary. 

This morning, we woke up early (despite really wanting to sleep in) and ate a quick breakfast Cynthia made for us while enjoying our tall-windowed morning views of the plains leading down to the black sand beach and ocean water. Once we finished breakfast, Minh drove us out to Vik and dropped us off at Vik Horse Adventures. After an orientation to riding techniques and our horses, we quickly climbed on top of our designated horses and made our way out of the barn and toward the black sand beach located a little ways behind the barn. 

My horse’s name was Atgeir, one of the younger horses I believe. He was a funny horse. From what the company folks had to say about him, he was puppy-like in nature, curious, loved to snack along the way, and enjoyed getting into people’s businesses! Also, he was always a little itchy and needed a scratch. I feel ya, Atgeir. As for Cynthia, she got old, reliable, “been through this a few times” Hektor. Anyhow, we rode our horses in a line down to the black sand beach, with me and Atgeir walking somewhere in the middle of the line. We trotted slowly down to the beach, where we rode over the black sand before stopping for some photos. After our photos, we rode back toward the barn along a different path, where we got to do some fast-paced trotting/galloping as well as ride through a stream of water. Eventually, after some more fast-paced jogging, we arrived back at the barn and bid farewell to our horses and the workers. The last minute birthday gift experience was fun, and Cynthia definitely enjoyed her time with Hektor!

While waiting for Minh to pick us up, we spent some extra time with the horses as they were cooling down behind the barn before walking over to a grocery store and a cafe to buy some snacks and croissant sandwiches for the last long drive of the trip. Once we finally got picked up, we made a brief stop to see Vik Church, the iconic church located on the hilltop overlooking the town of Vik. Unfortunately, given how heavy the clouds and fog were blanketing the area by the time we got to the church, the photo opportunity was poor so we didn’t spend too much time there before driving off to pick up our parents from Black Beach Suites. 

Back at the suite, we packed the rest of our stuff. Before long, we had the car packed and were ready to hit the road once more. Because of the impromptu horse riding experience this morning, we were a little behind schedule. With a ton left to still see and do, it was time to play some catch up. 

Our first stop after getting gas this morning was Seljalandsfoss, the beautiful waterfall in south Iceland that you can walk right behind as it flows down from the cliff above. This was my third time visiting Seljalandsfoss, and luckily for me, it was definitely not as busy as I thought it’d be given its popularity amongst international tourists. We did a brief walkthrough of the waterfall, took some photos with midges flying all around, and then jumped back in the car to continue on. Oh, and we were nice and gave our parking ticket to some other random family driving in to save them some money before driving off (later than expected) to see one of the expected highlights of the trip: The Icelandic Highlands.

The Icelandic Highlands are some of the coolest and most scenic places in Iceland. Before this trip, I had never had the opportunity to see them because of how difficult they are to get to. But I made it a goal to see the highlands with my whole family this trip. And with Cynthia working most weekdays, today was the only day that we could put aside to see them together. And because we didn’t have nearly enough time to see all the cool, accessible places in the highlands, I only chose a couple of places that were close to one another and easily accessible from where we were, hoping that those sites would at least give us a small taste of the amazingness of the highlands. 

Our first stop in the highlands was Haifoss, a beautiful waterfall that flowed over a beautifully colored canyon. When I planned our trip through the highlands, I was worried that whatever car we got wouldn’t be able to handle the gravely-and-rocky F roads. Luckily, for this first part of the trip to Haifoss, the drive wasn’t actually too bad. For a large chunk of the trip, the drive was primarily on paved roads before it transitioned to gravel roads that weren’t nearly as rough as I thought they’d be but rough enough that I was glad that we rented a 4x4. 

Once we arrived at Haifoss, there were only 4-5 cars in the parking lot, a relatively small crowd for how easily accessible this beautiful area was (though it did get much busier shortly after). And it was quite spectacular! The deep canyon over which the waterfall flowed was beautifully striped with vivid earthly colors. And the two huge waterfalls flowing there were gorgeous as well, though both waterfalls were beautiful in their own different ways. By this point in the day, the afternoon sunlight was hitting the waterfalls straight on, providing even lighting for some attempts at decent landscape photography… So I took out my camera and tripod to take some photos. At the end of it all, the photos were OK because the sky was subpar. And canyons and waterfalls are never that easy to capture on camera. They’re much prettier when seen in person with your own eyes. Anyhow, my family and I stayed at Haifoss and cycled through multiple viewpoints until we were satisfied with the views and left for our next location: Sigöldugljúfur. 

Sigöldugljúfur, also known as the Valley of Tears, is a well-Instagrammed canyon with tons of small waterfalls flowing into the canyon and filling up its floor with very turquoise blue water. A magnificent and tranquil scene. To get there, we had to endure a much longer and rougher drive than the drive we had just taken to Haifoss. But again, we were lucky that there were some paved parts to drive on to escape the rocky, unpaved parts. Once we finally got to the parking lot for Sigöldugljúfur, my dad and Minh walked out ahead of me and Cynthia to check out the scenery and scout the location. But before long, they waved to us and turned back, saying that they didn’t see anything worth visiting and that we should turn around and start heading back toward Reykjavik to get home early. 

After all of that driving, there was no way I was going to turn back and not see what I was looking forward to seeing. And so I decided that, with Minh and Cynthia, I would go back out there and look for Sigöldugljúfur despite my parents’ protests that we should head back. I was a bit upset at the situation but whatever. I looked online and confirmed we were in the right spot to see the canyon. And I spoke with a drone-flyer and confirmed with him that we were in the right location as well. So, I left my parents in the car and left Cynthia and Minh behind as I started my search for the canyon. I hiked all the way past the point where my dad and brother had previously turned back, determined to find the canyon and determined to take decent photos of it before returning to the car within a reasonable amount of time (because sometimes I spend too much time taking photos at different locations, thus delaying the trip and making everyone wait, and I didn’t want to do that again if I could avoid it). 

Eventually, I found what I was looking for: Sigöldugljúfur. Though I found it located much further out from the parking lot than I expected. The canyon of waterfalls was gorgeous to finally see in person after seeing it on Instagram over the years. As Cynthia and Minh trailed behind me, I started to take my photos so that we could head back sooner rather than later. After taking some shots from one vantage point, I tried another until Cynthia and Minh made it over. We took a couple of group photos and then headed back to the car after around 30-45 minutes at the canyon so that we could continue on with the trip. 

By this time, it was starting to get late into the afternoon and the sun wasn’t so high in the sky anymore. And we were running out of time to see everything we wanted to see AND get back in time to eat dinner and possibly go out to the volcano site again. So, because we were still far from Reykjavik and because the drive out to Landmannalaugar, a gem in the area, was way too far and way too difficult to race to on gravel roads, we decided to scrap that plan (and unfortunately miss out on seeing it… again) and instead, started our drive back toward Reykjavik with a pit stop at Geysir and Strokkur, the geysers located in the Golden Circle. 

It took a longer-than-expected drive to get to Geysir and Strokkur. But given the beautiful evening weather, it wasn’t such a bad drive. Once we were at the geysers, we looked around the geothermal area and braved the annoying midges to watch Strokkur erupt a few times before starting our trip back to the capital. At this point, because we were essentially in the middle of the Golden Circle, we had to drive through half of the Golden Circle route to get back to Reykjavik. And fortunately for everyone, they got to sort of see, from the outside of the park and while driving by, the landscape of Þingvellir and its rift valley, where two tectonic plates are slowly drifting apart. After the brief stops near Þingvellir, we finally started our long drive back to Reykjavik. 

As we approached downtown Reykjavik, nostalgia hit me. All these familiar sights and scenes that I have seen over and over again during my last couple of trips. Man, it was nice to see Reykjavik again. Though, this time, there was a lot more construction throughout downtown than what I remembered seeing in 2017. We had to navigate through all of the construction to grab our dinner for the evening from good ol’ Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur, the Icelandic hotdog stand located in downtown Reykjavik, because most other places were closed by the time we arrived in Reykjavik. I dropped my family off so they could walk around and order the hotdogs while I drove up and down some streets to look for parking. Eventually, after 10-15 minutes of driving, I found a spot right next to the hotdog stand where I could park. I then joined up with my family at the hotdog stand, where I enjoyed two delicious hotdogs before climbing back into the car to drive to our nearby AirBnB. 

Once at the AirBnB, which was located right on the outskirts of downtown and close to Landspitali, the hospital I briefly worked at in 2017, we met our hosts, a very nice and welcoming couple who live just below the AirBnB they were renting out to us. We were briefly shown around the unit and then left to ourselves, during which time we got settled and comfortable in our home for the next two nights. 

But us kiddos didn’t stay settled for very long. With the evening skies looking clear and weather conditions looking promising, I decided pretty late that it would be a waste not to attempt another hike to check out the Geldingadalir/Fagradalsfjall volcano. Even though it was late and even though I was extremely exhausted from the day’s and trip’s cumulative activities. But I thought to myself… “When will I get another good chance like this to see an active volcano in person?” and “I can just rest when I get back home to the States.” So, I committed myself to a very tiring and late night and roped both Minh AND Cynthia into coming along for the late night-early morning adventure as well. We all quickly packed our belongings for the hike and bundled up before finally leaving the house for the volcano around 11:15pm. Because I was so tired, I asked Minh to drive, which provided me with a brief opportunity to rest my eyes and recharge in the back seat before we arrived at the parking lot for the volcano around midnight or so. What happens next… will not happen today! So stay tuned for Part 2 of the volcano adventure!  

5 Things I Learned/Observed Today:

1. Typically, all horse breeds have three natural gaits: the walk, the trot, and the gallop. However, due to the unique body structures of Icelandic horses, not only do they have the three typical gaits mentioned above, they also have two unique gaits called the tölt and the flying pace that other horse breeds do not have. Don’t ask me what that actually entails because I wouldn’t really understand… but it’s pretty cool and super unique! 

2. According to our horse tour guides, there are approximately 19,000 horses (give or take) in Iceland and most of them are used for tourism, shows and competitions, farming, and for private use. And tradition here is that all horses in Iceland are Icelandic purebreds. With these purebred horses, there are very strict rules by which they and their owners must abide. One is that they must be purebred in Iceland. And two is that if any Icelandic horse leaves the country, it can never come back into the country. Additionally, no horses that are from outside of Iceland can be introduced into Iceland, resulting in the purebred horse population in Iceland being very isolated and exclusive to Iceland, something that has been going on for about a thousand years. These rules make Icelandic horses one of the most purely bred horses in the world. And one benefit from this isolation: they are pretty healthy and don’t die of horse influenza even though they are not vaccinated against it. . 

3. There have been a ton of movies and shows that have been filmed all over Iceland throughout the years. Interestingly enough, there have been a ton filmed near Vik, like Star Wars: Rogue One, Game of Thrones, and the new Netflix original series Katla. Supposedly, Iceland was a very popular location to film movies and shows last year during the pandemic because there were so little restrictions that the movie industry had to abide by, making it easy for movie folks to come over and work on their projects. 

4. Not all F roads are super rocky, gravel-y roads. Some parts are paved like regular roads. Others are less rocky and easily passable by simple sedans and passenger cars (though not recommended). But I’m sure there are a TON of roads that are almost impassable in a smaller 4x4 due to how rough they are. 

5. Strokkur, the geyser that is still alive in the Golden Circle, seems to erupt, on average, every 2-6 minutes plus or minus a few minutes, based on my 30 minute observation and timing of its eruptions. Geysir, on the other hand, is dead and no longer erupting.

[kickingitwithkirk]

Happy Coincidence Chance Discovery

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Piper, Jared Padalecki x Piper,

Characters: Dean Winchester /Jensen Ackles, mentions of Chad Michael Murray 

Word Count:4367

Warnings: cursing, kissing, nudity, implied sex/genital fondling/teasing 

 *Jared and Jensen are single.

A/N: for @idreamofplaid​  Thanks for the Memories Challenge #plaid and the memories  HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED🎉

Prompt: Season 11, episode 4, Baby

A/N: Baby is my favorite episode but every time I’ve watched it I kept wondering; Sam’s hook up with Piper the waitress? So this is my fill in that blank with a Jared twist.

Divider: created by @writeyourmindaway​

*No beta all mistakes are mine

Dean drives into the parking lot of a roadhouse just after dusk and Sam looks at the marquee shaking his head in disbelief.

“Are you serious? Dean, it's late, I’m exhausted and..and.. and starving.  And this place. I mean, even Swayze wouldn't come to this roadhouse.” Sam groused.

“First of all, never use Swayze’s name in vain, okay. Ever.” Dean chastises his brother for such a sacrilege, “Second, you don't remember this place? You don't remember Heather, the hunter we worked the wendigo case a couple years ago?”

“Oh, yeah,” Sam partially smiles, remembering that night of fun.

 “Yeah, exactly” Dean taking the same trip down memory lane.

“What, she’s here tonight?” Sam asks, perking up a bit.

 “I texted her, she's working a rugaru case in Texas.” Dean says.

“Actually, she never texted me back. That's not the point, the point is that we have a ton of driving left to do just to go to a town where it's not probably a case.” Dean points ahead, “But in there, good times.”

 “Uh...” Sam hedges looking at the building.

 “But time heals all wounds, especially good times. What do ya say?” Dean looks at his brother hopeful.

 “I say... knock yourself out.” Sam answers with his usual reply and Dean looks away, “I'm gonna find a diner and dig into the lore like Cas did, see if anythings ever happened where we’re headed.”

“Ah man, you really got to learn to have fun.” Dean’s reply was full of disappointment in his little brother.

“Seriously. It’s pathetic.” 

They both climb out of the Impala. Sam grabs his bag from the backseat and starts walking back towards town as Dean heads into the roadhouse. 

***

Sam had walked over a mile looking for somewhere to eat. Being Saturday night he thought there’d be more open but that’s small town living, the streets roll up at noon on the weekends. 

He was about to give up and hike back to that mom & pop gas station he passed for a microwave burrito, preferably bean to get back at Dean, when he happened upon a small, local place, Mak’s Diner. 

Hitching his bag up, he pushed open the door expecting the usual greasy spoon Dean's unerring sense navigates towards and stops just inside the front door.

It was an older establishment, obviously one of those passed down from generation to generation places but to his surprise it was well maintained, despite the C on the marquee being burnt out.

“Evening, have a seat anywhere and I’ll be right with you.” A woman’s voice called out from the kitchen. Sam walked past the counter smiling at only other occupants, an elderly couple having coffee and dessert, heading towards the back where family seating was located. 

As he passed the next to last booth he noticed a closed laptop, several open books with notes scrawled around their margins, highlighted paragraphs and a few notebooks scattered on its tabletop.

He dropped the bag on the seat and shed his jacket before sliding into the booth, fishing out his laptop and the legal pad that he had started making more notes on earlier.

“Hey there, what can I get you?” 

Picking up the menu laying by his elbow Sam glances through it, “Coffee and the Cobb salad, thanks.” He orders closing the menu and looking up to hand it to the waitress. She is differently not what he would have expected to find in a backwater burg like this one. 

Her makeup is understated, nails painted a neutral color and her copper hued hair is pulled back in an elegant chiffon, not a high ponytail or hastily bobby pinned up-do, held in place with a real silver clip, the type that’s handed down as an heirloom.

“Just the Cobb salad?” She asked looking under the tabletop, taking in Sam’s long legs somewhat stretched out under it, boots bumping against the other side of the circular booth. Her blue/grey eyes slowly travel up appraising his body till they meet his.

“Big boys like you need more than a few leafy greens for stamina.” 

Sam felt himself blushing like he was seventeen again. Waitresses blatantly flirt with Dean and vice versa all the time so he’s taken aback by this woman's more than blatant appraisal of his physique.

“I, um, yeah, ju..just the salad.” Sam stammers out.

“Okay, be back with that coffee.” Her smiles genuinely, not that faked for the customers sake one he’s used to.

Sam appraises her retreating figure like she did him. She’s not wearing the nurses white or black rubber soled shoes that’s usual waitress gear he’s seen but a brand of tennis shoes he knows are out of the typical income of career restaurant staff. 

The fifties style, yellow uniforms color is completely unflattering, not fitting her right, way too tight around her bust and hips and far shorter than it should be, her mile long legs on display.

Sam shifts in his seat and tries to discreetly palm down his spontaneous erection but not so little Sam is putting up a fight, making it known it's been way too long since he’s gotten wet and he wants to enjoy her junoesque attributes. 

***

While he is waiting for a page to load Sam hears the elderly couple preparing to leave. He watches as the husband helps his wife into her jacket and gently takes her hand, resting it in the crook of his arm as they slowly make their way to the exit, feeling the pang of loneliness that’s his constant companion.

“Mr. Reynolds’s, hang on a sec,” the waitress calls from the kitchen emerging with a white cake box tied shut, “Auntie wanted me to make sure you got this before leaving. She’s sorry she missed your anniversary party.”

“You tell her we missed her, needs to hurry up and get well.” Mrs. Reynolds remarked as her husband took the box with his free hand. She glanced back towards Sam, “Sweetie, you gonna be okay here with the likes of him?” 

Sam kept his expression neutral, waiting to see how this plays out. He knew people found him intimidating because of his size and being a stranger in a small town, he definitely stands out but not many were that blatant about it.

“He ordered a Cobb salad, I think I can handle him,” she jested winking at him.

The couple bid her goodnight and she went back into the kitchen, Sam realizing they were now all alone. Sighing, he starts reading the info again trying to figure out what exactly their hunting is. Or not.

He was so focused on his research like usual he didn’t acknowledge the waitress standing there with his order.

“Kmm hmm,” Sam’s head snapped up, “must be something really good if you don’t notice the likes of me.” She chided him setting down a coffee decanter and cup.

“Sorry, guess I was kinda caught up.” Sam moves the laptop and notepad over as she sets down his salad and two types of dressing. “Figured you might not be a ranch type of guy so I grabbed the vinaigrette too.” 

“Thanks, I prefer vinaigrette, don’t usually get offered it.” 

“I’m pretty good at reading people which is why I also brought you this,” she set down another plate with a lettuce wrapped, curiously colored and, by the smell, not meat burger with all the fixings, a generous helping of baked sweet potato fries and a green colored milkshake.

“I didn’t order this.”

“I know but it cooks night off and I’m trying some new recipes. Seeing as you're the only other one here, you've been conscripted as my guinea pig.” She slid into the other side of his booth where an identical plate rested, “I wasn’t kidding about you needing more than just a salad. Besides, I hate eating alone, you wouldn’t believe how often it happens. Fuck, where’s my manners, I’m Piper.” She stuck her hand out across the table.

He takes her preferred hand amazed how it fits perfectly in his, “Sam.” 

“So Sam, figure out what you're hunting yet?” She asked nonchalantly as she picked up her burger, “Cause, not being judgey, but that’s some really random shit you got there.” She takes a bite, watches as his expression bounces between startled and incredulous.

“How…”

“Saw your Tarsus 99 when you took off your jacket. I had one as a kid, then daddy got killed on a hunt and I got sent here to live with Auntie, she doesn’t cotton to hunting.” 

Piper picked up a fry pointing it at him, “But what I really wanna know, where the hell did you get that demon blade, ‘cause I’ve never seen one like it before.” 

Sam hesitates, “That’s a long story.” 

“Don’t close till one and I’ve got nowhere to be after.”

Sam decides to deflect instead of answering. “So what is it you do, because you're definitely not a waitress.” 

“Officially, I’m an antique appraiser. Unofficially, I’m helping a wayward hunter who graced my door with something he can’t figure out.”

***

Sam and Piper, after closing the diner, stayed another three hours hashing out the research for his case were now taking their time walking back towards the roadhouse. 

“I’ve been wanting to ask, what’s with that name tag?” Sam noticed early it read Maggie.

“Came with this god awful uniform. Auntie insists that we all adhere to how her daddy ran the place. So when I came back to temporarily help out after her surgery, Maggie decided she was not gonna take orders from someone younger, quit and I got stuck with this. I told Auntie it wouldn’t fit, even with letting out the hem. Maggie was like five-four and I’m over five-ten! 

Ugh! I keep popping these stupid top buttons and can’t freaking bend over without showing everyone my C U Next Tuesday.” 

Sam smiled that nervous smile he got when unsure how to respond to an answer he wasn’t expecting.

“I normally wear this to cover it,” moving her pocketed hands in the light weight, knee length sweater she had put on when they left the diner, “but I have to confess,” Piper turned around, walking backwards, “I took it off when I saw you come in, thought what the hell, been long time since a really cute guy has walk through my door so...” She bit her lip, turning back around as they continued down the lane in companionable silence.

Sam mused over her confession admitting to himself he was interested in her too. He enjoyed sharing different theories and bouncing ideas of what they might be hunting back and forth with her, surprising him with her unique take on things.

Piper might not have been the type he consciously steered towards since Jess but she was comfortable to be around, didn’t feel his usual awkwardness he normally had around most women. 

They arrived at the roadhouse a few minutes later and Sam led her towards the Impala.

“Damn, you brother is a fucking artist, how many times has he rebuilt her?” Piper asked walking around the car, running her hand over the Impalas pristine exterior. 

“To many.” Sam replies, putting his bag on the front seat. “Can I have a look?” He turns to see Piper standing by the trunk. “Um, sure.” Strolling over he unlocks it and lifts the interior wheel well exposing the car's hidden armory.

“Is that a grenade launcher?”

“Yeah, Dean found it at the bunker.” Sam laughed remembering how excited Dean had been when he discovered it. 

Piper shook her head shutting the trunk and hopped up on it, “What’cha wanna do now, go in,” gesturing at the bar, “or hang out here for a while longer?”

“I think I’m good hanging o...”

Piper grabbed his jacket dragging him between her spread legs and kissed him.

It took Sam all of five seconds to process what was happening before his hands grabbed her hips and tugged her to the edge of the trunk, her short skirt riding even higher as she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer.

Sam jerked back as headlights flashing over them, a patrol car drove into the parking lot. He lifted Piper off the trunk and led her to the car's back door dragging  the green cooler out of their way.

Piper climbed in as he hauled it to the trunk and grabs the army blanket Dean keeps then gets in depositing it and his jacket over the front seat.

“Where were we before being rudely interrupted?” Piper asked, sliding onto Sam’s lap and leaning in to resume kissing him. 

Sam tangled his long fingers into her now loose hair pulling to halt her, “What about that patrolman?”

“Won’t be back till closing, around six A.M.”

“That means Dean won’t either,” he says closing the space between them, heatedly attacking her lips.

***

Piper ran her hand over his bare chest, “How long is your refractory period?”

Sam shifted to look down at her, “umm, around twenty minutes.”

“Hmmm, I’m gonna have to see what I can do to shorten that ‘cause we are so doing that more than once again.”

“And how are you gonna do that?” 

Piper stared at him slowly trailing her hand down his torso. Sam’s breath hitched as she lightly teased her fingers across his lower stomach, running through his treasure trail and over to his hip.

Shifting further down his body she continued running her fingers over the top of his left thigh feeling the hard muscles flexing under the skin. She placed both of her hands in between his legs shifting his left one off the seat and bending his right leg back placing his foot flat on the bench seat. 

Piper kneels in the space between Sam’s spread legs continuously moving her fingers in random patterns over the insides of both tights, touching him everywhere below his waist.

Sam closed his eyes groaning loudly, dropping his head back against the window as her fingers played over his balls feeling her other hand travel behind them teasing over his...

“You fell asleep in the fucking car!”

His eyes snapped open startled. Blinking rapidly he sees Dean leaning through the open car window looking at him. 

“Dean what...where’s Piper?”

“What’s a Piper?” He growled out, “Dude, we wrapped twenty minutes ago and I’ve been looking for you, got worried cause you weren’t answering your fucking phone Jay!”

He took a good look at Dean. His foggy brain finally realizing its mistake, taking in the headset hanging around his neck and the ball cap he likes wearing when directing. “Jen, sorry, guess I’m still in Sam headspace, got disoriented for a sec.”

Jensen laughed, “You find one grey hair and suddenly you're getting memory loss and needing naps? I’ll have to remember to have you in bed by nine, old man.” 

“Your fucking hilarious Jack.” Jared shoots back sliding across the seat getting out, “Man, I had the weirdest dream.”

“From the happy noises you were making that was far from weird. And speaking of happy,” Jensen's eyebrows went up as he pointedly looked down.

Jared glances down thinking he’s drooled all over himself only to see the prominent bulge in his jeans.

“Bob’s called a meeting in five but I think we’re gonna be late.” 

***

“I’m telling you it was so real! She was tall with coppery blond hair, tasted like chocolate peppermint and has this tattoo above her...” Jared paused grinning, keeping that specific location to himself, “I’ve never in my life had such a vivid dream like that.”

“Dude, you like petite brunettes.” 

“I know..so why would I make her a redhead?”

“Hell if I know, it’s your giant melon. Maybe all that sugar ribbon you eat is finally getting its revenge.” Jensen snarks as they enter the meeting room.

They were greeted by Bob’s gruff voice, “About time you two showed up. Alright, now that everyone is finally here, we need to get everyone up to speed. We’re having to make changes to the filming schedule.” He pauses looking at him notes, “Jared, don’t need you to come tomorrow for those new promo shots with, what was that new character again?” 

“Y/N Y/L/N, Sam’s new love interest.”

“Right, anyways, writers scraped that idea. As some of you heard, several of our exterior locations got flooded with that last storm and it’s taking time to find new locations so instead of doing blocking we're gonna do a quick read through of the new episode.”

Jared opened his copy of the new script to episode 4: Baby.

Reading the opening scene he experiences deja vu, quickly scanning the first two pages: bunkers garage: Dean washing the Impala, Sam having a possible case in Oregon. Next scene: interior shot Impala, Sam gets a protein shake out of cooler, Dean wants to know about the beer. Next scene: pulling in roadhouse parking lot, Dean trying to get Sam to join him, goes to eat instead, shot from Impala view watching Dean walking. Next scene: daybreak continuing from the view of the car...

“Fuck me.” Jared whispers, catching Jensen's attention. “What’s wrong?”

“This is how my dream started.”

Jensen pulls a yeah right face.

Jared shifted in his chair leaning closer to Jensen, looking directly into his green eyes, “I’ll prove it. Next scene: Dean gets in the car at daybreak and a naked waitress pops up in the backseat with a voice-over from Sam. Dean gets out peeping in the driver's side back window at her getting dressed. Cut to next scene: Sam climbs into front seat buttoning his flannel as he apologizes for having sex in Dean’s car. Dean, happy his brother finally got laid drives off quoting Bob Sager lyrics, playing Night Moves and Sam changing a lyric. 

Jared continued to lay out the entire episode from memory as Jensen flips through the script following.

“Bullshit Jared, someone snuck you a copy of this script, you're totally fucking with me.” 

“Jensen, not this time.”

***

Jared walked back to his trailer aggravated that Jensen won’t believe he didn’t get an advance peek of the script. He can’t shake this unsettling feeling that he was forgetting something important.

He was two steps into his trailer when his phone vibrated. Chad left a voicemail instead of texting, weird.

“Jay man, you gotta do me solid. A friend of mine got the part of Y/N on your show and I don’t know what the fucks happening up there but she flipped the fuck out on me! Need you to check on her, she’s outside one of the guest trailers. And have her call me back after she’s calmed the fuck down!”

Jared snorted, another woman pissed off at Chad, shocker. “The fuck you getting me into this time Murray.” Jared mutters to himself as he heads over to the guest stars trailers and hears a somewhat familiar voice outside of one.

“What do you mean there’s nothing you can do? I get here and now they're telling me they’ve dropped the story line.”

There was a pause in conversation as Jared walked closer to hear more clearly over the lot's noises and was shocked when he saw her sitting on one of the trailer's steps.

“But I signed a contract...what? I don’t remember seeing that in there. So they can just arbitrarily drop the part with no notification, that’s bullshit! I’ve never had a clause like that in one before. I gave up my job and apartment for this!” She gets up and paces around not noticing him. 

“They're giving me the bit part of the waitress in this episode, have a five am call for hair, getting a blonde rinse so I look more like a Dean type girl. I don’t know what the fuck is with these writers, it’s like they don’t get Sam, should’ve left him like Kripke originally created him.” She paused, “paying me what? At scale! That’ll just cover my petrol for the drive back to L.A. Wait, what about my six month lease? Could you check on it.” 

“Oh, giving me two nights at the Hilton. How magnanimous of them,” she sarcastically replies, “can I still get that part on Arrow...cast someone else.” She abruptly ends the call and sits back down on the step slumping over her knees.  

“So, how much of that fucked up conversation did you overhear?” She asked not looking at him.

“Um, almost all of it.” Jared confesses, “I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping but I got a voicemail from Chad,” she looked up staring in disbelief at Jared, “he’s worried and wanted me to check on you.” 

“Fanfuckingtastic, can this day get any better? I’ve completely humiliated myself in front of Jared Fucking Padalecki!” 

Jared can just make out her blushing in the still dimming light. “I wouldn’t say completely, I mean, you could drop your pants and yell Pudding.”

She blinked at him before doubling over in laughter, “Alright, point taken. Still, it’s a crock of shit you don’t need to be bothered with.”

“Chad’s kinda made it my problem. Look, I don't know all the details but maybe I can help, I can call casting..”

“Oh hell no! Thanks but no thanks. Bunch of assbutts on social media were already speculating about how someone like me got the part in the first place. Last thing I need is more ammo for the haters, they’ll tweet something like I had a three way with you and Ackles because I was desperate to get the part back.” 

Jared cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair embarrassed to feel turned on by the imagery she conjured up in his mind. 

 “Mmm, that’d be my wet dream come true, but not the point, they’ll just come up with some random shit.”

Jared understood being all too familiar with the anti whatever’s having been the target himself.

“Okay, how about we go to my trailer,” she gave him a skeptical look, “where you can have some privacy to call Chad back. I’ll get de-Sam’d and we can talk some more or grab a bite if you're hungry.”

“You don’t know me from Adam, what if I’m some psychotic serial stocker nut job?” 

“If your friends with Chad, you absofuckingloutley are Ms. what's your name.” Jared sarcastically remarks given her a mischievous grin.

“Touché, and it's Piper,” Jared froze at her name, “and you’ve been friends with Murry longer than me so I know you’re straight up batshit crazy.” She smarts back standing up, “lead on, oh gallant knight.”

***

Jared walked out of the bath toweling his wet hair sees Piper lounging on his couch still on the phone with Chad.

As he crossed over to the kitchen's fridge he couldn’t help but notice her low rise jeans had ridden lower, revealing the top half of the tattoo just above her..

“Dude, should’a told me Padalecki has a tattoo kink,” Jared tripped over his feet before catching himself embarrassed at getting caught, “Yeah, that was your boy.” She winked at him, “No way in hell I’m ever showing it to you perv.” Jared loudly laughs at that. “Hey, when I get back I’m PA’ing for you till I get another gig. Don’t you dare argue, you got me into this so it’s that or I’m on your couch for a month,” Piper rolled her eyes at Chad’s response, “Yeah, yeah, talk to you later.”

“Is that how you met Chad, working as a PA?” Jared inquired coming over to sit down next to Piper handing her a beer. 

“Yeah, paid the bills while doing auditions, was starting to pick up a few bit parts around LA.” Piper starts nervously fiddling with the bottles label, “I heard about the casting call for a new Sam girl and Murry talked me into trying out for it, so I figured unless I kiss Crowley I don’t have a shot in hell and holy fuck, I got it.” 

She stopped talking but kept playing with the label. 

“Hey, whatever it is you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Jared says gently touching her shoulder in a reassuring manner.

She took a long pull of her beer before continuing. “My Auntie died and I inherited everything, including her debts. I negotiated a smaller settlement but it wiped out all my savings.” She paused draining the rest of her bottle. “I figured it was serendipity..”

Jared is half listening, feeling that uneasy sensation again at that last word.

“...gonna be Sam Winchester’s...”

“If we’re meant to meet again,”

“.. weren’t killing her off after three episodes but then they decided to drop that story line...”

“we will.”

“...I should be going. Thanks for the beer and letting bending your ear, I’m gonna get out of your hair.” Piper gets up heading for the door.

Jared finally remembers.

“I believe in serendipity..maybe you can too.”

He quickly jumped up moving between her and the door blurting out, “I know you said you didn’t want my help but you can’t go, not yet.”

“Okay, why not? ‘Cause any other time I’d be up for some wham bam thank you ma’am but so not in the mood right now.”

Taking a deep breath he goes for it, “So, get this, after we finished filming today, I fell asleep in the Impala and had this dream…” 

***

Jared sat on the couch nervously chewing on his thumb watching as Piper paces back and forth mulling over his story.

She abruptly stopped and sat down on the table in front of him. “So here's the deal, I will believe everything you've told me,” Jared opens his mouth to say something but Piper reached out laying her fingers on his lips, “if you can answer one question.” 

Jared took her hand remembering how it felt so right in his, “Okay.”

“Since you’ve seen it in your dream, what does my tattoo mean?”

“In Japanese, it means happy coincidence,” Jared confidently says sitting back as Piper climbs onto his lap, “but that's the first line, the second one is chance discovery.”

Jared pulls her in, brushing his lips against hers, running his tongue across them so she’ll part them , allowing him access. He can taste the beer they’ve been drinking but there’s that sumptuous flavor of her underneath he finds intoxicating..chocolate peppermint..thinking to himself..

Serendipity.