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clazberryk · 3 months ago

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Well here it is the updated chapter of Difficult Truths Chapter two: Cut from the same cloth.

I feel like as i am developing my writing skills and getting a better feel of the characters this is stronger than previous. There are additonal parts that i have added as well. Its certainly significantly longer than previously, so iapologise about that.

Well without furtherado, please enjoy

Difficult Truths: Chapter 2 Cut from the same cloth:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56783278/chapters/144465073

Cut from the Same Cloth

Pain.

Searing Agony.

Unending Discomfort.

Life altering Anguish.

When the red crackling streak of chaotic magical energy started hurtling towards Astarion Taveleigha did not think twice to push him out of the way, it was instinct it was reactive, a love protecting the most important person in their life. Consequences be damned. Taveleigha knew going into this fight that she was naïve into thinking everyone was going to survive. Stupid naïve lost little elf girl. That voice was back taunting her, goading her. The voice was debilitating but true, the beast as she called it, returning now using her fathers voice to belittle her and her actions. Was it always her father’s voice? So much had happened today, so much emotional whiplash she could not recall how the voice sounded before. Clearly an unreliable source of information. What good was she if she could not even trust her own mind? If this were how she was going to die, she was happy, she had saved her lover, and she did not regret it, even now as the memories came thick and fast, one rolling over the other, she could not bring herself to regret pushing her vampire out of the way.

How could the Moonmaiden gift him with such a strange creature for a daughter? Something wrong, incorrect, unholy, and broken. Ketheric had never refrained from showing his displeasure with his youngest daughter, he showed and cursed the Moonmaiden in many ways, using fists, words, smites and gauntlets, anyway he could. Her body was a map of many bruises and scars. Her body was a roadmap of the pain she had suffered under Ketheric her father.

The scar on her cheek was from a backslap when she tried a guiding bolt and released a firebolt, the sting of a gauntlet, the grasp of the cold metal against her skin, old memories for her body but new for her memory. The large line on her sternum from the blade slicing into her and the inability for her to cast cure wounds, the experiment repeated over and over and over again. Years of abuse, the bruises, the cuts the derogatory names, all borne from grief for a mother she never knew. Her father disgraced by the Moonmaiden and then maiden of darkness, the goddess of shadow. Repeated hard hands, followed by softer ones from her older sister curing her wounds, singing her to sleep, protecting her, fixing her, but never taking her away.

A disgrace of the Thorm name, weeks of suspicions, and constant de ja vu, the vault in her mind conjured by her minds doing to protect her, the vault in her mind made to protect her heart, her body, her soul, her history, her disgrace, disintegrated because of a few simple words, as if it was never there. Maybe this was for the best, maybe this ending would stop so much damage and carnage in the future. Could she really make a difference in this world, win against these tadpoles, safe Astarion? Safe the world against Murkul, she laughed, it was desolate of emotion. Maybe she should have died at the hands of Ketheric all those many years ago. Isobel should not have died by that fireball she should have. Burnt up and exploded by her own chaotic magic.

Then all this would not have happened.

The memories came thick and fast now, unbridled, unimpeded, rolling one over another and another, too fast for her to focus on just one, where one started or she was just getting a grasp on it another overtook, pushed in demanding attention followed by another and then another. It was too much. She felt her consciousness fading around the edges, her vison even in her memories getting darker, she could feel the inky tendrils, she embraced them and welcomed the darkness. For once maybe she could have quietness, the calm, the lack of worry and no more pressure from everyone else expecting her and her companions to save the world. The only exceptional thing about her being she had been unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. She could not even remember why she was in the Lower City of Baldur’s Gate on that fateful day, but now it did not matter. This way it was easy, it was simple. All she had to do was accept the abyss and darkness and not worry about the next step or the future.

Thump, thump, thump!

Thump…. thump…...thump!

……thum…….th…….

…………………………

“Taveleigha” Astarion shook the elf, but he knew, he had felt and heard her heart splutter and give out, giving her life to save him “Tavi, Tavi, Tav, please, oh god no please” He felt a stinging around his eyes, this could not happen, this was not their future, this was not what he wanted. They had only just started, only just began learning from each other, soft strokes of shoulders, grasping of hands, soft kisses on cheeks, never followed up with pain.

“No, no, get up damn you” He was starting to differentiate between the ants on his skin and the warm glow around his dead broken heart, loosening the harsh cage that Cazador had imbued on him with each day he was compelled to do something his mind screamed against, but he could not break. They were learning to be two whole healthy healing people together, two partners, equals. “I need you” His voice cracked, he pulled her against him tighter, his lips found her forehead, her skin growing cold, and he grimaced, he could feel the necromantic smell of the dead on her taking root.

Her body was growing heavy, colder still, colder than him. Oh gods, anyone that can hear me please. He knew the truth though, no gods acknowledged him or answered his prayers his pleas, not even for his sorcerer, he felt a burning in his chest, he knew this he could sue his rage. “This is not the end. No this is not how we are supposed to end. Taveleigha GET UP!” He shook the small elf, he was not angry with her, he was angry with the world, taking the one thing he knew he could grow to love. Or did he love her already? He had felt something growing in his chest for a while, but he could not understand it. Now he knew he was learning to love, and love Taveleigha he would. To hells with everything else.

“Get up dammit, you stupid maddening woman. WAKE UP!” Astarion shouted shaking his elf, his voice hoarse with unshed tears. He bit back the bile as her head lolled against his shoulder, her neck at an unnatural angle, if she were alive, she would be holding herself up, but no there was no life in her.

Not here, not in Murkyl’s chamber, please gods no, please give her back. He stroked her cheek, pressing his forehead against her, there was nothing no smile, no closing of her eyes, no tilting of her chin awaiting and asking for a kiss, always following his lead.

She was too quiet.

She was too small.

She was too still.

He had not realised how much she moved, the tilt of her head when she was questioning something. The fold of her arms when she was annoyed or disbelieving of what someone had said. Her tongue sticking out when she was concentrating on something particularly difficult, or something that required her full attention. The way her chest raised with each breath. The way her fingers twisted and flexed at unimaginable angles when she was spell casting. Her little nose twitch when she was thinking or laughing, or the way her eyes shined bright one blue one violet, the snort of a laugh. The unconscious lean of her body when she was near him, the gentle squeeze of her hand in his before they went into battle. The square of her shoulders when she was uncertain but had to push forward. The little sigh after he kissed her, or how her little dextrous hands would grip his shirt when they kissed, the little moan at the back of her throat, his lips knowing that he kept her head quiet in those few seconds.

He could hear the fight still raging around him, but the tide had turned Taveleigha had made sure of that. There was no more necromites, and Dame Aylin was wreaking havoc on the avatar, each hit tried and true, even Karlach was making decent damage. He watched Tav in his arms, willing her to wake up, he reached with the tadpole again, but nothing reacted, her arms hung limply at her sides, her head resting against his shoulder, him holding her up, her feet were limp, dragging on the ground with every jostle.

Shadowheart and Jaheria started for the central platform, he shouted out for Shadowheart, but his voice was thin and non-existent, he coughed and then screamed. Weak feeble boy.

“SHADOWHEART” The half elf looked at him, she frowned and then saw who was in his arms, she gasped.

“God dammit get over here” He screamed, finally falling to his knees cradling his sorcerer in his arms, holding her with reverence. He did not notice that Shadowheart had made it to their side, how did she get here so quickly? he heard the creak of her armour as she knelt beside him, raising her arms above Taveleigha’s body.

“Lay her down” she instructed, and he followed, feeling himself getting colder and colder, his warmth currently dead beside him. No air flowing through her lungs, the pink apple of her cheeks pale, as pale as him, her life song as silent as his own heart, not beating, no blood pumping through her body. He watched as Shadowheart’s hands glowed the healing blue, muttering under her breath, he watched wide eyes, as Taveleigha’s eyes flew open and she gasped and coughed, her blood splattering across her teeth and over her mouth, she wildly looked around gasping, crying, groaning and not being able to focus on anything. Why did she always have to awaken the minute a little bit of healing magic entered her body, it always caused her more pain than she ever deserved.

“Tav, darling, you are ok, your alive. Keep. Breathing!” He ordered; he needed her to breathe. Astarion stroked her hair back from her eyes, as they finally landed on his, and the fear he saw in them almost made him cry out himself. He could not imagine what she looked like refusing to take his eyes away from hers. He moved his right hand to her cheek, gently brushing the tears away, she weakly raised her hand and held his wrist, she was cold and still had a green sheen against her skin of the necrotic magic still rushing through her body. “Fancy meeting you here” He smiled his lopsided smile that he knew got a reaction from her, and like clockwork her heartbeat quickened, and she laughed, and then coughed, grimacing.

“Ow” Her heartrate sped up, spluttering but still beating! Please stay beating.

“Can you not make her laugh please” Shadowheart growled, sweat developing on her brow as she focused on her healing, slowly, too slowly for Astarion’s liking, Shadowheart stumbled back onto her haunches, completely spent.

“I’m out” she grimaced knowing her friend needed more healing, she was still too weak, her smallest wounds only healing. Astarion could hear Tavi’s blood whirling through her veins and body, but not all of it was going to the right areas in her body. Shadowheart started looking through her pack but only found a small healing potion, she poured it down Taveleigha’s throat, ignoring Taveleigha’s protests.

There was an almighty bellow and a loud crash of metal on bone, and then silence, the original trio looked across to the platform and saw the avatar fail, crumble, and fall back into the abyss leaving a swirling green necrotic vortex which materialised into the beaten and broken body of Ketheric Thorm. The half elf fallen paladin reached out toward Taveleigha and she shrank at her father’s gaze. She pushed herself further into Astarion’s embrace, trying to melt her back into his chest, she was just a lost little girl. Lost little elf girl. She whimpered, and Astarion pulled her tighter against him, soothing hands, and gentle pressure of lips on the crown of her head.

“You came home” Ketheric whispered, voice hoarse and for the first time it looked like his eyes had cleared of the pain, the torment, the fatigue of the last one hundred plus years and saw his youngest daughter for the first time. Not an experiment, not as a failure but just as her.

Dame Aylin gutturally screamed and used the rest of her strength to deliver the final killing blow and crushed his body with the strength and weight of her armoured boot, taking much joy in doing so.

“He is dead” Nightsong rejoiced, her head looking up arms open wide, and she turned, for the first time since they released her, she looked happy. Aylin turned towards the red headed sorcerer, finally able to acknowledge her lover’s younger “Taveleigha, Tavi, Tavi, Tavi” Damn Aylin placed her hands on Tavi’s cheeks, pressing her forehead against hers “You have returned. True as before”

“Aylin” Taveleigha whispered, her memories clicking into place of meeting the woman when she was younger, liking the strong woman, but she did not know, she did not know she had originally killed Isobel. Aylin pulled the sorcerer into a bone crushing hug, but Taveleigha stayed rigid in the embrace, the paladin did not seem to notice though. So happy to see the only connection she had left to her love alive, and somewhat well. She was shocked when she saw her following behind Balthazar I the Shadowfell, angry thinking that she had come to kill her, but then quickly realised that Taveleigha had not recognised her.

“Balthazar come to add more bars to my cage” Aylin grimaced at rotund man, who was clearly no longer human, an undead abomination, she barely acknowledged the other four people with them, fighting against the soulless phosphorus hands binding her to the soul cage, binding her to Ketheric Thorm, one hundred years of torment. One hundred years of slavery and entrapment. Why was he here again? And with companion’s, no doubt tome come kill her and complete Goddess Shars Ritual to be a dark Justiciar, a stupid meaningless spiteful ritual, with her being the punchline. It was painful dying and being reborn over and over and over again, it caused a vengefulness to seep into the very marrow of her bones, and only grow in contentment. She lunged for the necromancer, but he simply stood there defiant and laughing, “Or perhaps to lead this would-be Justicar’s blade directly into my heart?” Aylin then acknowledged the others, there was a dark-haired half elf, a red Tiefling, a silvery haired pale elf, and a wild redhaired elf…. No, not the elf! No! Aylin stumbled back the anger growing hotter and hotter.

Taveleigha was alive, it cannot be. She was alive, and she had come to kill her. Ketheric had said both his daughters had fell, both his daughters gone from the mortal coil and yet here was Taveleigha, older, hair longer, eyes less bright but still here. NO! No! NOOO! Please mother maiden not her. Do not let Shar take her! She shrugged off the hands wrapped around her shoulders holding her back, a simmering fury.

“I invite you. Heap more sins upon you head, My retribution will be all the sweeter” Aylin smiled at Balthazar, knowing when she was free, she would gladly take The necromancers life, and then some. She knew her mother had not abandoned her. Knew she would get her revenge, whatever the day. But please? I beg of thee mother not Taveleigha, she has suffered enough.

“All this time and you fail to appreciate the gifts I bestowed on you, Aylin” Balthazar smiled a sinister smile, all Aylin did was glare at him. If looks could kill Balthazar would be dead. “Sad, to see a thing of beauty not recognise its own worth” Aylin glanced at Taveleigha, she was watching her and the necromancer carefully. Aylin then realised she was maybe not here to kill her, maybe the sorcerer could help free her, but still she was wary. This was clearly not the same Elf that she knew over one hundred years ago. Even she could tell just from a glance at the Red Head that a lot had changed in this century, and Tavelegiha herself had changed. Clearly, she did not remember the Aasimar, or if she did, she was putting on an exceptionally good front. She certainly had her fooled, either way. Aylin turned back to The Necromancer grimacing more as his wounds on his face contorted with his speech “However, General Thorm, he appreciates you. And he wants you nearby, so I am here to whisk you back to him.”

“Ketheric” Aylin spat on the floor, the name felt like bile in her mouth, of course this was all of Ketheric’s doing, the Oathbreaker, the disbeliever, the vile mortal who was the reason she was in this predicament. Oh, how I wish to cleave his body in two. “I welcome the sight of him, after these hundred years. He whose immortality I supply with my very soul” Aylin saw the started look on the unknown group, Taveleigha even stumbled back slightly, clearly, she did not know.

“GENERAL, Thorm” Balthazar interrupted, “I am sure you will be on your best behaviour. Just in case I have taken some” Aylin watched as he glanced at the group “Precautions shall we say” he smiled then, and Aylin stepped back, putting herself into a loose battle stance, she would be prepared for anything.

“KEEP BACK!” Balthazar snapped at the group, Aylin watched carefully as Taveleigha looked between Balthazar, Aylin, and the dark-haired half elf. “It will take some concentration to secure Aylin for her…”

“Wait, the Nightsong is a person?” Taveleigha interrupted, and Aylin felt a sliver of hope bloom in her chest, however she did not show it on her face.

“oh no little Elf, Aylin is not a person she is an immortal, the very daughter of Selune herself” Balthazar smiled, Taveleigha looked like an annoyed teacher had chided her.

“You are the one who interferes with Lady Shar’s bidding and for that you must die” Shadowheart interrupted, and Aylin looked at the half elf then, realising it was not Taveleigha that was here to kill her, but this half elf.

“Shadowheart…” Tavelegiha warned quietly “She’s a person.”

“Do not you suggest you know more than my Lady Shar. That you are more than her.”

“Shadowheart, you are better than this. You are not a murderer” Tavelegiha cried, and that bloom of hope grew brighter in Aylin’s chest. She was still Taveleigha, still sweet, little Tavelegiha that suffered so much pain at Ketheric’s hands but still managed to see the good in people. Still sort the better and worthiness of others.

“Enough snivelling, you should be terrified Godling, this plane will be your coffin” Balthazar snapped, and turned to the group of four, quickly things turned, and Aylin watched in horror fighting against her binds to help. She watched as the Tiefling bellowed in rage and started attacking the larger skeletons, the ones that could do more damage, she watched as Taveleigha countered whatever spell Balthazar threw at the group and as the silver haired elf slithered into the shadows but stayed close to the Sorcerer.

Aylin watched in horror as a sickly green stream went straight for Tavelegiha, but she managed to repel most of the damage with a shield, the iridescent orb around her for the next 5 seconds. Aylin was in awe of the full elf, she certainly had grown into her power, or at least managed to control her power whilst she was way, and she certainly knew she had gotten stronger, but still she was never one for hand-to-hand combat, and if those skeletons got close to her, she dread to think. However, Aylin need not have worried as the Pale elf, which she quickly learnt was a vampire, ensured no harm came to Isobel’s baby sister, which enabled her to fell Balthazar with a few quick shots of fire and lightning and as quickly as the fight started it was over. Taveleigha bent over, her palms on her knees breathing hard. Aylin watched silently as the vampire placed a gentle hand on her back and she smiled up at him.

Everything happened so quickly after the battle, that even Aylin was still in a state of confusion or bewilderment she was unsure, she was replenished and reconnected with the world, enabled, and no longer drained of her power. She turned to Taveleigha a triumphant smile on her face.

“Are you ready?” Aylin asked the sorcerer.

“For what?” She replied, confused.

“To Kill KETHERIC THORM” Aylin knew this is what Taveleigha wanted to hear, she could see it in the way her body reacted, her mind not remembered but her body certainly had remembered the torment it had suffered. Taveleigha nodded and watched as Aylin for the first time in over one hundred years took flight in the blessing of her mother’s light. it was time to end this.

Karlach reached down and removed the Neverstone from Ketheric’s armour, and before she could hand it to Taveleigha their guardian emerged from a portal.

“You fought well. Now we know, we are against the chosen three” The Guardian looked towards the group. Astarion grimaced and snarled, Karlach looked tired, learning the truth about Gortash, Nightsong looked happy, Jaheria looked just as tired as Shadowheart, and Taveleigha, looked broken. Something changed in her today, in this fight, tin this past month of traversing the shadow cursed lands. She did not have the usual optimism she carried before they reached the lands. She was worn down and broken. Astarion sensed it, in the way she held herself. Normally she stood tall, shoulders squared, jaw slightly tense but ready, now she was hunching in on herself, rounded shoulder, arms around her midsection, from pain but also from holding herself together. Nobody said anything to the Guardian as they told their group what to do next, and they walked through the portal. Astarion helping Taveleigha through. It was clear that Ketheric zoned in on her in the fight, whether it was because of her kinship with him, or because he knew she would be the most troublesome, either way Taveleigha felt like she was 18 years old again and her father was doing his experiments. It had been an exceptionally long time, and she did not have the energy to unpack everything.

Astarion watched as Tavi leaned against the double doors of Moonrise Towers, looking out in the distance, she looked so small, so worn, he was worried she was not going to make it back to The Last Light Inn. He was willing to bet all his gold that she would not. He glanced to Shadowheart as the half elf, nodded at him and then followed his gaze.

“She needs to rest. She also needs to heal more, and I do not just mean physically” She whispered,

“She is not accepting anymore healing, blaming herself for all of this” Astarion waved a hand towards the towers as well as the cursed lands around them. He felt a deeper connection with Shadowheart than the other members of their motley crew, probably because for so long on that beach in the beginning it was just him, Shadowheart and Taveleigha. If it were not mentioned in the camp that the three of them were a tighter knit group, it was never even brought up, but Astarion was also aware of what could be said in the unsaid. He could also divulge a little more with Shadowheart about their de facto leader. There was a camaraderie, not a friendship but a comfortableness that he was not about to ruin with the cleric. Especially as he was aware that his sorcerer and the cleric had grown closer over the weeks and months of their travels. If anyone out right asked him though he would deny it all.

“This is the consequences of a broken man. I am unsure of what she endured with him, but I saw glimpses, and I wish I could take it away, but the only way she will get through it is time” Astorian chuckled a humourless laugh, was that not what Taveleigha had been saying to him about Cazador, time heals all wounds. She was willing to give him time, the least he could do was the same for her. They were cut from the same cloth. Two sides of the same coin. That thought had two parts of him warring against himself, the darker part sniggering stating that her abuse was not as bad as his and the other, the stronger one stating it was pointless to compare others pain to your own. Everyone had some level of trauma they were carrying, and it did not make another person’s insignificant, it was the actions, how they healed that trauma and moved forward. He knew Taveleigha was worth saving, her soul would be saved, however for him he was not as sure.

“You have no idea” Isobel walked up to the pair, and looked out to her little sister, still disbelieving that the Elf that walked into The Last Light Inn a month ago and became The Harpers offence and saving grace was none other than her long-lost sister, who she had believed was dead, because her father had decreed it so.

“If it was that bad, why did you not take her away? Why did you not run? Why did you let her suffer!!!” Astarion snapped, he knew what that could do to a person, to live through that pain and torture daily. He hated to think what it would do to his sorcerer know that she had all her memories, he did not need her to tell him, he saw it in her face, he saw her eyes, they were so much dimmer than before. She was more cut off, more drawn into herself, and he was unsure if he could help her with this, purely because he did not know how. Had he not only recently managed to escape his tormenter and abuser himself?

“I do not know. I hoped he would change and accept Tavi. I did as much as I could, I healed her when he went too far, I hugged her as she cried herself to sleep. I fought with the man daily, but he was not my father anymore. But I was too blinded to see that his grief had completely consumed him and distorted him into a mimic of my father a shell of a man” Isobel looked down at the ground shame seeping out of her pours, but still Astarion did not care.

“You should have taken her far away. You are no better than him” He snapped, and then started walking towards his sorcerer. Shadowheart watched him agreeing but also too shocked because someone had said what they both were thinking. She turned to the other cleric.

“I’m sorry, it has been a long day” She tried to broker peace.

“That it has. But he is also speaking true” Isobel whispered her voice echoing her emotions. The two clerics watched as Astarion gently stroked Taveleigha’s shoulders and she looked up at him, he kissed her temple, and she closed her eyes and leaned on him.

The group eventually made it back to The Last Light Inn, Astarion with his arm around Taveleigha’s waist, holding her up, she was waning, and he could hear her heart slowing, but still beating and he could smell the changes in her energy.

“Come on my dear, nearly there” He swept his lips against her temple again and she whimpered, she just wanted to lay down and disappear. Taveleigha had purposely ignored Isobel, not able to understand or process all the new feelings and memories. She saw from a distance Dame Aylin and Isobel embracing the Aasimar twirling the half elf cleric around in a big circle. The two had tried to talk to her but she moved away to the entrance of the throne room. Not caring if she was being rude. She had wondered if her room was still how she left it or had that been destroyed as well.

Isobel watched as the vampire carefully and dotingly looked after her little sister, clearly Taveleigha had taken the brunt of their faither’s assault, and she was struggling, however still stubbornly refusing anymore healing. Isobel and Aylin tried to talk to her, but she just looked at the two of them with a faraway gaze and walked away, she did not want to admit it but that hurt more than learning that she was dead like she originally thought. It was clear to any observer that the pale elf loved Tavi a great deal, not so much in the words but by the way he held her with reference, it was soft, the gentle squeeze of their hands, the lips brushing her temples, the glances and checks to ensure she was ok and still in the present. The arm around her waist, hand resting on her hip, and lazily drawing circles all minute details but important, and her sister reciprocated, the two whether consciously or subconsciously naturally leaned against each other, their body’s always aware of where the other person was. It was a beautiful dance to watch and observe, a clear dance of two people in love or two people that have their trust in each other so unashamedly it was beautiful. Isobel watched as they rounded the corner at the just inside the inn and went upstairs not talking to anyone.

Astarion lead Taveleigha up the stairs on the left of the inn and into the bathroom. It was a large room made for communal bathing, however when he made sure Tav was sat securely on the bench and was not going to fall over or fall unconscious he drew the deadbolt across with a resounding screech of metal against metal. He glanced at his sorcerer and noticed she was not paying attention, lost again in her mind. He kept an eye on her heartbeat, the sound oh so lovely in his ear, and started the bath nearest to her, ensuring the runes for clean and hot water were working. Thankfully, they were. He looked around the room but noticed there were no clean linen for them. He reached out to Shadowheart with the tadpole, asking for clean clothes for both.

He stayed at the running bath, pulling unneeded air into his lungs. Today had been difficult. He just needed a moment. He needed to compose himself. Later he would deal, later he would assess his emotions, but currently right now he needed to be strong for Taveleigha, gods know she had done it for him many times over. It was the least he could do for her. Is this what it was like to be equals? No questions, no expectations just love for another person agreed to spend your life with? Was this what healthy looked like? Without the world ending bullshit obviously. Today had been the hardest on all of them, over the past month the win of saving the grove had felt further and further away in the past. However today it truly showed that the groups path forward was going to be a hard one on all of them. If this were the worst that Taveleigha was going to experience he would gladly accept that. Surely you are not that naïve, child. Wretched child. He did not wish to have a repeat of today for as long as they both lived. Astarion pinched the bridge of his nose and looked the heavens, turning to Taveleigha and grimacing, she had slouched in her seat, it was clear she was not in the present.

“Gods below” He muttered and marched over and knelt in front of her, gently grabbing her chin with his thumb and forefinger “Darling, let’s get you out of these robes” He muttered, she did not respond, her mismatched eyes looked through him, faraway glaze over them, she was seeing something else, something he was not privy to. Astarion gently started unclasping the buckles on her hips, not that her robes were armour, but they were magical to offer at least some armour protection. Astarion shuddered, thinking of the alternative if her robes did not have the magical enchantment. He truly hoped they could salvage the beautifully detailed and intricate robes, originally a beautiful pink and silver colour, however she had found some clothes dye, and coloured it a deep sapphire blue, making her uneven eyes pop and her red hair stand out more. He reached for the clasps at her neck, and when his fingers brushed against her skin under her jaw, she gasped and drew in a ragged breath, flinching at the connection. He stopped and held his hands up in peaceful surrender, showing his palms to her.

Goddammit! Astarion understood that reaction, he had that reaction many times when caught off guard.

“You are safe, my sweet. I have you” He whispered, not touching her, just being a calming constant present. She had done it many times for him during his episodes, he would do this for her. It was not even a chore or a difficulty, which took him by surprise. He wanted to take care of her. Astarion watched slowly, painstakingly slowly, as her eyes became clearer, they darted around the room, taking stock of the bath, the benches, the windows, the door, the deadbolt across the door looking for an escape before landing on him, he stumbled at the sorrow in them. Does she know how expressive her eyes are? Taveleigha crumbled against Astarion’s chest, gut wrenching sobs, unaware of if anyone else could hear her, she grasped at his black under armour shirt and for a second, he did not know what to do. Then he wrapped his arms around her back, her tears quickly soaked through the fabric and onto his chest, each tear burned his skin, but not because of him, but for her. Taveleigha fell further into his lap, unable to hold herself up, her body shaking, her sobs guttural and visceral, and all he could do was hold her and let this pass. fell into his lap unable to hold herself up and she just cried, painful guttural body wrecking sobs. A mirror image of her holding him after he explained his difficulties and his silly little plan only a tenday ago. Was it only a tenday ago? It had felt like weeks.

Eventually Taveleigha calmed she sniffled and looked up at Astarion. Gods below, what must they look like, a pile of limbs, Taveleigha encircled by his arms and legs, him holding and protecting her from the outside world as best as he could. This was unfamiliar territory for him, something he had never done before he was just as lost in the dark as her, however he did what felt right, stroking her hair and back as she felt her emotions and tried to make sense of her contradicting memories. Eventually she did come back to her senses, back to the present.

“I’m sorry” She mumbled “I didn’t mean too…” and started to pull away, very aware of how close their body’s where, how he held her with such kindness, this was clearly uncomfortable for him, even if he was not showing it well. What surprised her the most was when Astarion pulled her closer and held her closer.

“My love, never apologise for needing me” He smiled her favourite lopsided smile, and she snorted. There she is. Only he could find her snorts of laughter adorable. He pressed his smile against her lips. “Let’s get you cleaned up” He whispered against her skin.

“I can do this” She mumbled “You do not need to make yourself uncomfortable.”

“Oh, my love, you are a silly, silly woman” He laughed, and then tentatively brushed his lips against hers. Oh, I wish I could keep doing this, and I will show you how many times I want to do this. She responded with reverence, her little dextrous fingers wrapping into his shirt, she moaned, and that caused him to react involuntarily, he pulled her tighter against him, her knees going on either side of his hips, and he traced her lower lips with his tongue. He moved down to her jaw, her neck, his bite mark, his place in her neck, he took a deep breath. He did not want to do this here. Well, that is something new. He stayed against her neck, waiting for the crawling to fall across his skin but it did not happen, it was because they were fully clothed, but he was unsure, however it was something he wanted to just keep doing. “I am unsure of many things, but this, this of which, I am sure. This is nice” He smiled, and held her gaze, he saw something flash in her eyes, but it was quick before the guard went up, her insecurities again. They really were similar. He pressed his lips against hers again, this was just a kiss he could do for the rest of their lives. A sweet kiss, an everyday kiss between partners, equals. A kiss that is shared and the know that you would do it for the rest of their lives.

Enjoy: @roguishcat @shewhowas39 @asweetlovesong @bellasmumblingsandmusings @marlowethebard

#bg3 astarion #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 tav #baldurs gate 3 #astarion #astarion x tav #fanfic #taveleigha #protective astarion #soft astarion #astarion bg3 #astarion ancunin #shadowheart #dame aylin

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sarah-blue-eyes · 4 years ago

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2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got n e r v o u s because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

#me #2020 #2020inreview #nostalgia #anactualnovel #iapologise

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