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astermacguffin · 4 years ago

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Okay. I warn y'all that this is very much a Poast™. This is another one of Those Poasts™. You have been warned.

I very much blame (affectionate) @autisticandroids for this, since this is pretty much me trying to combine as many concepts as possible from the #mpregpocalypse tag.

In this au, Cas is pretty much just collecting babies left and right. The following stuff are all simultaneously true in this spn mpreg rewrite:

- Cas absorbs the deanlisa baby and carries the child himself. This is his first pregnancy. This is also the most "monstrous" of his children because of the godstiel stuff and the leviathans.

- For maximum effect, I don't want Cas to give birth just yet. I want Benny to see Cas with the baby bump and put the dots together in his head. I want Cas to give birth alone, after Dean and Benny already went through the rift. I want Naomi to take Cas out of purgatory and leave his child alone there. I want Cas to grieve for the loss of his child when he remembers. (We'll go back to this in the future.)

- Dean fucks Casifer at one point and impregnates Cas' body. (I mean, with Casifer peeling off his layers and thotting up the place while in the bunker? Not surprising tbh.) NOTE. I wanna be clear with something: this baby is Dean and Lucifer's nephil. I mean, biologically it's a Destiel baby, but with Cas' grace growing weaker and him being possessed by Lucifer, in terms of grace this is pretty much Lucifer's nephil. (But also not??? Because what allowed the conception to happen in the first place is Cas wanting it SO BAD.)

- No one else notices the conception of this baby because Cas hides it within himself (the same way he did with the deanlisa baby) and pauses the pregnancy at will.

- When Cas meets Kelly, they are very much BOTH pregnant with Lucifer's kid. Remember that screenshot where they both look pregnant and bonding about their babies? Yeah, this is inspired by that. When Cas touches Kelly's baby bump and they like soulbond or whatever, Kelly looks at him and goes "oh you're pregnant too?"

- Cas tells him that it's Dean's child, but leaves out the Lucifer part. They already have one Lucifer nephil in danger, he doesn't need anyone else knowing this secret (especially since he hid the nature of this child so well for so long). Kelly thinks he's hiding it because of the Dean part.

- They both know Kelly's not gonna survive giving birth, so they already have a plan: Cas will transfer the pregnancy to himself when it's almost time for Jack to come out (the same way he did with the deanlisa baby). Cas is confident that he'll survive what Kelly cannot. (His hubris, of course, always tend to bite him back.) Dean, Mary, and Sam arrive just in time to see Cas pregnant and about to give birth. Kelly catches them up on the plot.

- Cas dies of childbirth due to an unexpected complication: the pregnancy transfer triggers the birth of the other child inside him, which makes him give birth to TWO children. The strength of the explosion unfortunately kills both him and Kelly, rendering Cas' sacrifice as pointless. (As much as I wanna keep Kelly alive, the point of this au is to inflict as much damage as possible)

- Lucifer and Mary still get stuck in Apocalypse world, and now Dean and Sam have to care for TWO children, one of which is Jack (who still grows quickly) and...another baby? They have no idea who the fuck this baby is until they find two videos: one made by Kelly and one by Cas (a backup plan they made just in case one or both of them don't survive).

- In the video, Cas reveals that the child is his and Dean's nephil (again, removing the Lucifer part). Dean just takes it in stride (since they had enough sex in the later seasons for it to be a genuine possibility) and takes Cas's word.

- In any other scenario, Sam would definitely be teasing Dean for impregnating Cas. But since Cas is dead and they're still grieving, he shelves this conversation for a future time. (With so much plot happening, Sam never finds the right chance and eventually just forgets it. He's just happy that he was right all along.)

- They agree to never let anyone else learn about the baby's nature, which the baby seems to understand as well, choosing to not manifest any angelic abilities. In fact, the baby internalized Cas' instructions to keep all their secrets under wraps that the kid goes selectively mute throughout the series. (I wanna see Eileen teaching ASL to the kid.)

- The two babies scenario works great for two reasons: it satisfies my "give Dean a baby" instinct (that pretty much drives my baby jack truthing) while still keeping Jack the way that he is in canon.

- Dean lets the baby rest on Cas' chest for a short while before wrapping Cas up with the curtains. Both Dean and the baby cry over the body.

- I want to give Jack as many Problems Disorders in this au. I want him to be jealous of the way Dean treats his twin (because they're pretty much twins, right? They have the same grace-father, they got birthed by the same body, so yeah).

- Dean treats the baby with as much care and love while still treating Jack like shit. Sam once calls him out on it and says "Dean, they're both Cas' children." Dean throws out an "I can hardly look at the freak" rant. Jack wakes up Cas from the Empty, yada yada.

More fucked up shit below the cut:

- I wanna keep this as close to canon as I can, so Dean would still exhibit suicidality before Tombstone. You would think that the baby would at least hinder this instinct, but he genuinely believes that he's poison and that everyone he touches dies. (And besides, Sam is good with both Jack and the baby so they won't need me anymore, right?)

- Cas comes back, and things mostly stay the same as in canon (except there's now a baby there, who honestly won't influence much of the plot until later). Dean never really apologized that much to Jack in canon (and I still hate it) but in this au, it would work perfectly. I want Jack to believe that Dean still sees him as a freak, even if he's a bit nicer now that Cas is back. (I can and will put my entire pussy into the Dean-as-John, Jack-as-Sam parallels.)

- When Jack kills Mary, Cas hides it from Dean and Sam. We're going full Torturewife on this one, folks.

- Jack's truth spell forces Cas to confess that (1) Cas hid the fact about Jack's soullessness; (2) Cas lied about Jack killing Mary, and; (3) the Destiel baby is technically a Dean/Lucifer nephil. Chaos fucking ensues.

- Dean has to confront the fact that both of the kids (HIS kids) are Lucifer's spawn.

- Chuck doesn't really care about the baby since it never manifested any powers (yet), unlike Jack (who is a genuine threat to him).

- Moriah happens, Jack dies. (And it's even more fucked up now because despite being soulless, Jack remembers all the insecurities he got from Dean. The "It's okay, I understand" line Jack says to Dean while having a gun pointed to him is sooooooo.) Rupture happens, their divorce is finalized and Cas takes custody of the baby.

- Cas having some father-child bonding with the baby as a breather between all this fucked up stuff.

- The Trap happens, they make up, and oh? Who's this person who helped Cas escape and get the flower? It's the deanlisa baby, but now grown! Together with Emma! She was thankfully found by her big sister, Emma, when she was a baby in purgatory. She had to grow up fast and now they survive together.

- After eating Eve in order to save Cas, the deanlisa child is now technically the new Mother of monsters. Dean explains the Chuck problem, so the two choose to come with them to help.

- Cas never really explained the deanlisa baby, huh? When they get back with their now grown child (and Emma, who doesn't really hold a grudge over the entire Sam killing her thing) and Cas explains, Dean is baffled but takes it in stride. I mean, they just made up! He doesn't wanna fight with him anymore and he wants the family together again!

- They make the two stay with the baby so they'll be safe in the bunker while they try to trap Chuck with the Mark of Cain spell. It fails, of course. (But hey, at least there was sibling bonding time in the bunker.)

- Billie brings back Jack and they formulate a plan (Billie doesn't go evil in this one btw.) They strengthen Jack, Jack knows that he'll be a bomb and is totally fine with it. "Maybe if I do this one good thing, Dean won't see me as a freak anymore." Remember, Jack internalized a lot of the shit Dean said.

- Cas attempts to call out the self-sacrificial bullshit and that Dean actually loves him, but Jack insists. "You would do the same! In fact, you have done the same! (In reference to the Empty deal, which still happens here btw.) I'm just learning from all of you." If there's one thing I'm obsessed about in fics, it's when Jack calls them out for learning martyrdom from team free will.

- Dean finds out about the plan and tries to talk Jack out of it. They have a heart-to-heart, Dean finally fucking apologizes for all the complexes that he's given Jack, and Jack (for the first time) finally believes that Dean doesn't see him as a monster anymore. Jack stops the process so he doesn't become a bomb (but at least he's stronger than he was before).

- They call Billie to come up with an alternative plan. She considers the options, and says an alternative plan would be harder and would require more players in the field. "As long as we don't have to sacrifice any of our loved ones anymore, we're good," Dean says. "I don't think that's an easy request, but we'll try," Billie says, giving a pointed look at Cas. (Hmmmm, wonder how this would come to play later?)

- Billie points out that the destiel baby is in fact not powerless, but is instead choosing to supress their own power. If the child can be convinced to unlock their own capabilities, then perhaps they might stand a better chance at winning.

- They spread out to gather more allies: Sam goes to Rowena, Dean goes to Michael, Billie goes to Gabriel (yes, he's alive here), and the kids stay in the bunker with Cas to try and explore each other's abilities. (Since I hated the Michael-Lucifer nonsense of 15x19, none of that happens here. Lucifer doesn't go back and Michael doesn't betray them.)

- Jack finds out that he can push out all the energy he gathered for the bomb into a one-time-use blast. They find out that the baby can apparently enhance the power of whoever they're holding. And the new Eve apparently has traces of Godstiel/Leviathan still in her after being in the womb with them. (She also spends the time catching up with Cas because they've not seen each other for years.) Emma is just vibing there, adoring her powerful younger siblings and interrogating her father's...husband? Boyfriend? Ex? (She's still confused about their status.)

- This goes just like in S11, and they go all out and attack Chuck together until he's weak enough for Death's scythe. There's one shot where the kids are just holding hands to power each other for Jack to deliver a fatal blow. Billie is just around the corner, ready for the final blow, when Cas turns to Dean.

- "Dean, I need to say something." Cue the 15x18 confession scene, except this time Dean knows about the deal now. So the moment Dean realizes what Cas is doing, he tries to stop him.

- "Stop, please stop. Don't say it, you don't have to say it." Because of course, happiness is in just being, it's in just saying it. And Dean knows what true happiness would do.

- But unfortunately, Cas has to do it. (Billie talked to him about it, and her scythe won't exactly do a clean job with something as powerful as a Chuck-Amara hybrid. I don't know when or why they fused together since the bomb plan was cancelled, but it happened here okay? Yeah. So they need something that is guaranteed to be older and greater than God or the Darkness—the Empty. Billie can only go there, but she can't summon it to be on Earth. Enter Cas' deal.)

- Cas says "I love you," Dean reciprocates, they share a final kiss, and then Billie finally reaps God. The Empty arrives to take Chuck, and Cas shares one final moment with his kids before accepting his fate.

- Billie goes to the Empty to make sure the job was done, and she finally gives the Shadow the sleep that she promised. She uses her scythe on the Shadow, because death is the final slumber. (Of course, you can't exactly kill nothingness; she only destroyed an embodiment/personification of the Empty.)

- Post-fight. They're happy because Chuck is finally defeated but also...Cas. Before they even have the chance to process what the fuck just happened, Billie is back and she has Cas with her. "I just put the Shadow into sleep, so it's not like anyone would notice," she says. The problem is that Cas is still very much asleep. (He still has some grace here btw. Maybe he's not at full angel anymore, but he's not fully human either. There wasn't a need to cut out his grace without warning.)

- Dean and the kids crowd Cas' body. The baby's touch on Cas's shoulder (which burns a mark that parallels Dean's) is what wakes him up. Reunion kiss!

- Happy ending! Michael (with Adam) goes back to heaven to fix things, and they are very much implied to be a couple. Midam rights babyyyyyy! Gabriel goes back to roaming the world and occasionally visits the kids.

- Sam and Eileen organizes a hunter's network and organizes a bunch of safety protocols and rehabilitation projects with the help of the new Eve (which most monsters obey, key word most). Oh, and Saileen definitely swings regularly with Rowena (and occasionally with Gabriel when he's around).

- Emma decides that she likes hanging out with the Wayward Sisters better (and you know what? Good for her). The new Eve decides to hang out there often as well (whenever she isn't busy with monster diplomacy or something).

- When Jack finally feels safe and peaceful enough, he reverts back to his child form. The baby, who has been selectively mute this entire time, holds their brother's face in recognition and utters their first word, which is "JACK!" Dean and Cas cry in joy over this entire exchange. (That's his twin! He missed his twin!)

- They move out of the bunker to get their own house by a lake or something. Whenever the topic of pregnancy comes up again ("Dean, when do you want another baby again?"), they can now playfully joke about it and Dean says something like "Don't steal someone else's baby again, okay? The next baby to be inside you needs to be mine." They're both stupidly horny about the subject, I hate them so much.

- Whenever there's an important event, they all celebrate it in the bunker for the extra space (because their family is, indeed, very large). END.

There's something poetic to me about the Empty being the one that beats Chuck in this mpreg rewrite because technically, the Empty is the Original Womb that gave birth to God. It it the nothingness of potential, the dark water of pregnant beginnings.

All this talk about the Empty and stuff also made me stop and think about the metaphysics of spn. The fact that the Darkness and the Empty are two distinct entities says something interesting about the metaphysical reality of spn. It doesn't treat darkness as a mere absence of light, a mere nothingness, but rather a thing/substance of its own. It's a very Manichean kind of metaphysics as opposed to a Platonic/Neoplatonic one. (Oh, St. Augustine would probably have a blast trying to unravel whatever the fuck is happening with spn.)

The fact that it's also Cas' free will that brought upon God's demise? Delicious.

(If you're still reading, congratulations for finishing my very long spn mpreg rewrite. Why did you do this to yourself tho.)

(also apologies if I didn't give a name to Jack's siblings. I haven't thought of a good name for them just yet)

#spn #destiel #mpregpocalypse #long post #literally what the fuck is this post #aster writes #spn mpreg rewrite #tw suicide #tw mpreg

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queenangst · 4 years ago

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*sitting in front of a fic hoard* i would love some ff.net merlin recs

i’m copying this list from recs on discord, so i won’t be formatting it the same way i usually do. i’m really sorry, but there’s a lot of fic and i don’t have time. there may also be re-recs on account of cross-posting.

this list is focused on gen merlin fic, particularly whump or angst. i did toss in some general fic recs in there too.

Two Days

Post 5.13. Somehow, even without a clear view of his face, Arthur can tell Merlin's smiling. It seems like Merlin's always smiling, these days.

Fisticuffs��

When Agravaine interrogates Merlin about Emrys, he did not expect his anger to get the better of him. Nor did he anticipate Sir Percival seeing, a severely broken jaw, or an extremely unimpressed king. No slash.

Rules of Proprietary

A young visiting princess could use a lesson in humanity. Perhaps it is the cruel streak of Merlin and Arthur’s destiny that dictates she learn it at their expense.

Healing Spells

After revealing his magic to Arthur due to life-threatening circumstances, Merlin decides it's time he learned to heal. With Gaius off dealing with an illness in the outer villages, Merlin is left to his own methods, bearing some rather costly outcomes.

On Matters of Trust

When Camelot faces attack by a powerful sorcerer-king, Arthur must seek the only one who can save the kingdom. Unfortunately, Emrys doesn't want to be found. Set between seasons 2 and 3.

Through the White

In which Arthur learns rather surprising truths, Hunith pays a visit to Camelot, a witch makes a prophecy and Merlin is caught in a conflicting choice. No Slash. Gratuitous Merlin! Whump/ Bromance.

Master of Two Servants

Morgana's plan didn't go quite right when Arthur arrived to rescue his servant. But what is a king supposed to do when he knows his most trusted friend has been cursed to kill him?

I'll Fight for You

'But he found out just that when the king's fingers curled into a hard stone, his knuckles whitened from being clenched so tightly, fist raising beside his own head and pulling back. And before anyone's minds could catch up, the damage was already done. Because the next minute left Merlin lying curled up on the floor...' Set S2. No slash. Protective!Arthur. Hurt!Merlin.

Worse Things

"Merlin had to dig his fingernails into his hands 'till they bled in order to drag his mind out of the forests of Longstead and back into Camelot. It was just like the Lamia all over again." Gen, friendship. Tag to 4x08.

Breathe

Merlin saves the day - yet again - when he manages to get an injured Arthur and knights to safety. But Merlin's troubles are far from over when an investigation into what had happened to the king and knights leaves him in a bad way, and now it's Arthur and Gwaine's turn to be there for him. Gen, friendship.

Crossing the Line

Merlin was no stranger to being tormented by the knights of Camelot, but when one ups the ante he finds that while not all of them know where to draw the line, at least some will come to his aid when it is crossed. Set during S2.

Alright, Fine, and Other Words of Wellness

"He's taken a heavy blow to the head… He should be fine, sire, but there's no telling when he'll regain consciousness." Merlin was always alright, but this time he wasn't. In the end, the prophecy will be fulfilled, one way or another. It never said by whom. They are two sides of the same coin, after all. AU ending to 5x04 Another's Sorrow.

Beyond Recall

After a terrible accident, Merlin is left with no memory of his time in Camelot. Separated from Arthur and all who could tell him who he is, Merlin tries to piece together his life and his loyalties. But loyalties can be influenced; lives can take very different paths to the ones they were destined for. And a lost sorcerer is a very powerful and useful weapon to have.

Taking Care of Merlin

A series of one-shots/drabbles about sick, badly injured, and/or hurt Merlin. Despite all that, he always seemed to have Arthur to help him out. [No slash, just lots and lots of bromance.]

Grave Knowledge

In which Arthur learns to tell when Merlin is dying. Like anything else about the warlock, this is not as straightforward as it seems. Why does ARTHUR see the light when MERLIN is dying?

Ring of Ice

Merlin is immediately suspicious of a visiting noble- little does he know the man also has eyes on the servant.

#this isnt even all of them im sorry #u can go on my ffn and look thru my faves #and thers a TON of merlin fic on ffn i read and never saved :((#but heres a start!#sorry recs. take time and energy wknwknw #asks #merlin #bbc merlin #fic rec #merlin fic rec #some of these are my fave merlin authors um #check out their profiles #anonymous

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crossdressingdeath · 4 years ago

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Every so often I’ll come across a fic that has a summary that essentially reads: “after JFM brings WWX to Lotus Pier YZY takes JC to MeishanYu where he becomes the sect heir” and it always acts like this situation is a fix-it for the entire plot of the novel. And I was thinking about this premise over the past few days and realising just how little it makes sense. (I would like to clarify that I have not read any of the fics with this premise but that is because they all look to be written by JC stans and I decided a while ago that I wasn’t interested in anything like that. I would also like to say that I have only the vaguest understanding of Chinese culture so if something is glaring wrong in here I accept corrections.)

So. The logistics of the events coming to pass. The summaries imply that YZY left Lotus Pier with JC in tow, marched into her natal sect and without question JC was named sect heir and never had any problems ever.

Firstly: if YZY is such an amazing mother to take her son away from the ‘awful’ environment of Lotus Pier under JFM, why does she leave her daughter there? There never seems to be any mention of JYL also going to Meishan so this really just feels like YZY doesn’t actually care about anyone other than JC (in a similar way to the author not caring about anyone other than JC).

Secondly: the actual inheritance thing. As far as I can tell YZY and therefore JC are so far down the line of inheritance for the MeishanYu sect that it doesn’t actually matter. JFM calls YZY ‘Third Lady’ which based on my understanding means that she has two older sisters who would be the First and Second Ladies. In the line of succession her eldest sister would be first, then her children, then her second sister, that sister’s children, and then YZY and JC behind them (this isn’t even taking into account any older brothers she might have). I think I read somewhere that marriage order is based at least partially on age so we can assume that the two older sisters got married before YZY, and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that the eldest child of the eldest daughter could be fifteen when JC is nine, so at the very least the eldest sister could have a child who is close to being of age (though I freely admit that I have little idea as to what is classed as ‘of age’ within this world) while the son YZY brings is a child who throws a tantrum over having his pets sent away for someone else’s mental health and being told he’s going to share a room.

(Sidenote: I know JFM has JC’s dogs sent away but for all we know they’re just taken out of Lotus Pier itself (as in the bit where the cultivators live). We know there’s a market area where non-cultivators live literally right outside so rather than sending three puppies miles away to other cities, couldn’t JFM have just found someone living outside of the cultivator’s part of Lotus Pier to give the dogs to? Wouldn’t that have been the easiest option? And one that could potentially allow JC to visit the dogs he was so upset about? Did he just not ask to see them so JFM decided that he didn’t actually care about them? Did JC go see them every week until they died and was just angry that he wasn’t allowed to own them anymore? What proof do we have that JC never saw those dogs ever again?)

Anyway, back on track. Thirdly: YZY married out of the MeishanYu sect and into the YunmengJiang sect. She was very insistent on this. She wanted this a great deal even though we know that JFM didn’t particularly want to marry her. I believe that by the culture of the time marrying out of a family meant you were no longer part of that family. Like you might visit or write and introduce your children to them but you weren’t part of the family in the sense that you weren’t in the line of inheritance for anything of that family. So YZY marching into her natal sect with her bratty son behind her, declaring that he would be the sect heir to MeishanYu honestly reads to me as YZY flat out not understanding anything about how family inheritance works. She married into YunmengJiang. By the rules of the time, she should be devoted to building up the YunmengJiang sect, not leaving and returning to her natal sect because she doesn’t like the mother of the child her husband brought in off the streets. JC especially isn’t in line for inheriting MeishanYu because he is a member of the Jiang clan. Honestly the best equivalent I can think of is if people expected Jin Ling, heir (and sect leader and the end of the novel) to LanlingJin to also take over the running of YunmengJiang even though nowhere is it implied that he’s in any way in line of that — JYL married out, any children of hers were part of the Jin clan with no inheritance in the Jiang clan (it’s also for this reason that I am firmly of the belief that Jin Ling was mostly raised at Koi Tower rather than Lotus Pier, who lets the heir to a sect be entirely raised by another sect? For all we know Jin Ling spends a couple of months a year with JC and the novel just happened to take place during those months, and it’s saying something if Jin Ling spends the entire time he has per year with JC running away on night hunts without JC there). So, to put a long point short: YZY married out of the MeishanYu sect and has literally no inheritance there and neither do her children.

Also, at this point hasn’t she essentially kidnapped the heir to YunmengJiang? I doubt JFM is going to say “oh you don’t like my best friends’ son so you want to take our son away. Of course you can do that I have no problem at all with losing my sect heir due to your petty dislike of someone who has been dead for years now. Goodbye.” JFM may not really stand up to YZY, but there’s some things even he isn’t going to tolerate from her. So YZY is causing a political disaster between her natal sect and the sect she married into by kidnapping the sect heir of one and attempting to make him the sect heir of the other. At the very least I feel like JFM could divorce her on the grounds of kidnapping his son and trying to depose the sect heir of her natal sect in favour of a child who by law cannot inherit that sect.

From what I can tell these fics look like they’re set up to be fix-its. Again, I haven’t read them, but I can feel just by reading the summaries and glancing over the tags that they’re intended to be stories about how without the father who ‘hates him so much’ and ‘that awful WWX who always held him back from his true potential’ that JC is so much happier and more skilled and also absolutely going to be the best person in their generation at everything and in at least one of these it looks like he ends up marrying LXC (which is just. No). Honestly it could be a fix-it for JYL and WWX who would no longer be being berated for their general existence (WWX) and hobbies (JYL, specifically how she likes to cook). Them growing up without YZY constantly breathing down their necks and having better mental health as a consequence? Yes please.

Honestly I wouldn’t mind seeing something where the concept was written by someone who didn’t think that ‘actually all the positive traits of other characters are JC’s character traits and also JC should have been the main character’. Something where it’s set up as YZY taking JC with her to Meishan, expecting everything to obviously work out the way she wants, only to be shot down. Her eldest sister is potentially sect leader if their parents have stepped down and has a fifteen-year-old child who everyone in the sect is pleased with as their sect heir. YZY and her expectations get shot down, it’s made clear that she and JC aren’t even in the line of succession since they’re officially part of YunmengJiang and not MeishanYu, and she’s told to leave. She returns to Lotus Pier, angry but still convinced everything there will go her way because JFM has never stood up to her before, only to get back and find JFM in the process of organising their divorce. This isn’t an internal matter due to her not doing the duties expected of the mistress of Lotus Pier anymore, this is a political matter where she kidnapped the sect heir and tried to depose the sect heir of MeishanYu. She’s legally part of YunmengJiang, her actions reflect on the sect as a whole and could be taken as hostile intent. Really the only way to keep this from potentially escalating is to divorce her so that everyone knows her actions aren’t condoned by JFM individually and YunmengJiang as a whole. The end result is that instead of JC somehow fixing everything as a result of having less political influence/lower status than before (sect heir of MeishanYu which is a minor sect compared to the sect heir of YunmengJiang which is a great sect) and without an extremely loyal WWX supporting him, YZY instead undergoes some consequences for once in her life and the family dynamic of the Jiangs + WWX might even manage to be healthier without her constantly being around to antagonise everyone.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure YZY’s children would be so far down the line of succession that they’d have to murder a bunch of people to stand a chance of ruling Meishan, and her taking JC, the heir to the Jiang sect, to another sect without his father’s permission and with the intention of deposing the rightful heir of that sect would be... just a bit of a problem, yeah. Also like. I suspect the reason YZY doesn’t canonically do that is because not even she is that stupid. That goes beyond being a bitch and straight into Actual Crimes. Also love the idea that JC, the most useless of all the great sect leaders, would be less useless in a position of infinitely less power. ...To be fair he would certainly do a lot less damage.

#lotus mom #grapehate #anon #asks

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ilooklikeaburntchickenugget · 4 years ago

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Loyalty

A/N: I got inspiration for this piece from the Tumblr account @xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx (I got their permission to tag them!) however I think they’re a wonderful writer and always one of the top ones with a huge amount of Gerard x Reader fics that I keep on crawling back to. They have a work called “Gotham City Rivals” (with two parts) that I fell in love with and decided to do my own spinoff of with their idea. I also don’t know that much about any DC comics, most of Gerard’s character in this is based off of Bruce Wayne, but I didn’t do a bunch of research so I apologize for any inaccuracies. Hope you guys enjoy! Pairing: Batman!Gerard x Catwoman!Reader Word count: 2,781 Warnings: Angst, minor fighting, swear words, injury, mentions of blood.

You slipped off your skin tight suit with a harsh gasp, your teeth grinding together at the rough cuts that the latex and leather of your suit now brushed against. Yet the sounds of a hot shower and the steam that you could already see promised some element of relief to the pain. “You alright?” You heard your boyfriend walk in the room, armor still on in it’s completion besides his mask and gloves that he was currently carelessly throwing on the marble counter.

“Yeah, I think so.” You responded, examining the damage of your wounds in the mirror. “Not the worse I’ve taken.” Reflecting back on the various gun shots and stabs you’ve received over the years.

He came over, standing behind you. His metal armor always looked so good on him, solid black with small decals that you felt lucky enough you only got to see. He gave small kisses on the cuts and bruises along your shoulder and collarbones. It wasn’t in a sexual way, more in a caring one.

He finally decided to take off his suit as well, revealing his soft muscles but well built frame. You always found it funny how comic and cartoon artists portrayed real life heroes. They ignore your hip dips, made your waist the size of a pencil, and even overemphasized your boobs. And with Gerard, well, he was actually a lot like what artists portrayed him as, maybe just a little less triangle shaped.

“Next time,” You sighed as you look at him in the mirror that was now fogging with steam, his eyes on yours through the reflection, “You’re taking more hits.” He lightly laughed.

“Fine.” He agreed with a kind smile, “If you insist.”

“I’ve told you a million times, Gerard, I don’t know anything about those two!” You paced around his marble office trying to explain to him, “They are batshit crazy. They hold no patterns, no compunction, it’s part of their game and it makes it fun for them.” Your feet hastily moved back and forth on the gray tiled floor, the only light source was the sun creeping through the gray clouds outside and small desk-lamps around the large room.

“You’ve worked with her a few times,” He argued back from across his desk where he sat, “You have to know something.” “Those ‘two times’ happened probably five years ago, and it was exchanging files for some cash that’s it.” You sighed, “They don’t have a plan, ever, that’s what I’m telling you. Gerard, I know you’re incredibly smart and think with a plan. And the Joker’s really fucking smart too, but he’s also mentally insane and has no grip on himself other than to kill. He’s like a wild fucking animal.” Your boyfriend leaned back in his chair with a heavy sigh, his finger holding his temple together as he collected himself. “If I could help you on this, you know I would in a heartbeat.”

“Would you though?” His anger was growing, both he and you knew it. In fact, the entire room and all its objects were now drowning in the tension.

“What?” You asked barely above a whisper and through teeth clenched together, eyebrows furrowing as your vision grew red. There was no response. “If you’re questioning the integrity of my current work then fuck off. You’re too scared to kill the man, and now you’re gonna put some of this one me?” You snapped, he remained emotionless. Damn he was good at his job. “Go fuck yourself Gerard.” And with that, you stormed out of the room and up to your shared bedroom.

This stupid mansion he lived in was still a maze to you, and stomping through it in your utter fit of rage didn’t help, the sound of your feet bouncing off the large halls. It made your head want to explode.

You had never once blown up on him in your two years of dating and partnership. But never had he ever questioned your morals, or more importantly your loyalty. And you were expecting some form of an apology in the least.

Sure, you felt a little bad about bringing up his own methods of working. He had his extremely valid reasons, but it was a button to push in response to him pushing yours. You knew you would apologize eventually, but you needed him to come to you first.

After all, he was the one acting like a child. It was almost like an interrogation of you, despite the fact you had told him countless times that you knew nothing about the Joker or Harley. Other than the two deals you made with them in your early days for some extra money, those two were wild cards.

So you sat in the absurdly big California king with decorated in a gray and black and decided to do some breathing exercises so you didn’t use the wall as a knife throwing target.

It was hours, no, more than hours before you saw your lover again. And if it wasn’t for your stomach grumbling in hunger you would’ve stayed cooped up in the room. You wandered your way into the grand kitchen, beginning to look for whatever you could.

Grabbing a cookie from a batch you had baked just the day before, you began brewing some coffee for yourself. Of course you didn’t hear Gerard walk in, since you two had begun this whole partner/dating thing he had begun picking up on some of your specialties, such as being extremely quiet. On missions and such you were thankful for it, considering his armor was quite clunky, but now you regretted it.

The two of you didn’t even acknowledge each other’s presence, despite the fact that you were only a few feet a way. It was like a silent game, but just completely ignoring each other. It was like the other person didn’t even exist.

But the tension was a whole other level. You literally felt suffocated by how tense it was. And you knew your lover felt the same. With the extremely small glances you took you were able to piece together how he was definitely a form of uncomfortable, his emotions starting to break through, which you knew they would eventually.

You decided once your drink was done to leave the room, leaving Gerard and the extreme conflict behind. Well, some of it at least. And back in your room you grew bored, fast.

You didn’t want to show your weak side, determination to not be the first to apologize flowed through your veins. So, you decided to relieve your stress the way you always did.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You heard Gerard’s voice echo through the hallway next to you. Your skintight suit hugged your body, kitten heels hitting the ground in rhythm.

“Going out.” You replied.

“In your suit?” He questioned, this time grabbing your arm tightly with his hand. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh?” You questioned, turning to him and eyeing him through your mask, “And what are you gonna do about it?”

“Don’t test me.” He warned, his voice growing deep. This time, you pulled your arm harshly from his grip, which he didn’t fight back.

“That’s what I thought.” You spat, walking off.

Patrols were not the most enjoyable thing, the only time they were was when you were stressed and needed something to take your mind off of all your problems. A relationship limiting argument between you and your boyfriend was a perfect example.

Very rarely, if ever, did big stuff happen in Gotham. Small crimes like robberies, domestic cases, so on and so forth could be dealt with by the excuse of a police department the city had to offer. You were wondering when the federal government would finally come and kick a shoe up their ass.

It was funny, Gerard with all his power, I mean being the Gerard Way (despite the fact absolutely no one knew he was Batman) still couldn’t convince major officials to bring in more backup despite his numerous requests hidden in comments within conversations. The excuse was always that Gotham didn’t need help: they had Batman.

And let’s not forget his stealthy partner who did a lot of the work as well, the wonderful Catwoman who always got overlooked by the patriarchal influences that still flushed their way into society today. You scoffed at it.

On your earpiece you heard an incoming for an “escalating situation” at one of the prisons, which was just icing on the already destroyed caked for “a bunch of dangerous prisoners just got out.” Great.

It took you less than five minutes to be at the scene, strutting in and flashing your badge. It wasn’t that you actually needed one, it was just for good measure.

You got led through the dozens of police cars lining the outside of the prison all with flashing lights and a few sirens still going, escorted by one of the main detective inside where you were met with another officer talking to the one and only man himself.

Those hazels eyes hidden well under the mask looked up and met yours, softening just a bit from the black optics of Batman’s as you approached him. “Catwoman.” He said in a stern tone.

“Batman.” You responded the same, arms crossed over your chest.

You were briefed on the situation: A bunch of highly dangerous criminals did escape and were on the loose. The police felt that they needed help because some may or may not have ties to the Joker, therefore it made it a case for you and Gerard to deal with.

“Be careful,” Gerard told you, the two of you walking side by side in the street on patrol and looking out, “I don’t want you getting hurt again.” “Please,” You scoffed, “These guys probably have guns and a destructed god complex. I don’t see a problem.” “Some of these are former Arkham patients.” He warned, “They could be dangerous. And crazy.” “Like we haven’t dealt with that before.” You reminded him, “Or more specifically me, because I could have connections, ya know?” A verbal stab for sure. He looked over and glared.

“We’re not having this conversation right now.” “So when we get home are you finally going to grow up and have one after the entirety of today?”

“I told you-” Before he could even finish the two of you were surrounded by men with guns and various other forms of highly illegal weaponry. “Shit.” He muttered.

“Yeah shit.” You responded as bullets began shooting towards you. A few of them managed to ricochet off of nearby metal beams hitting your attackers, while other nearly missed you as you managed to jump behind them. With a few solid kicks and swings you were able to disarm and knock out four or five of them, Gerard getting the other 10 of them or so considering his suit and physical ability was greater than yours.

“How many were there again?” You asked him.

“15.” He responded. You looked around, mentally counting the bodies.

“Perfect, 15.” You responded with a sigh. “Do they not know how to scatter?” He shook his head.

A deafening silence filled the car on your way home, the only thing being heard was the soft engine rumbling of the mobile. You were still going to be strong about this whole thing, despite the fact that you wanted it to be over with.

You looked around out of boredom, and down at your suit to see if there was any damage. And, well, there was more than damage. “Well, would you look at that,” You lightly laughed, looking at the left side of your torso where a big slash and blood was seeping through. You hadn’t noticed any pain or anything until you looked down.

“What the fuck?” He asked, looking down to from the road.

“Gee, pay attention to the road.” He reluctantly huffed and put his gaze back there.

“You have a huge fucking slash on your side.” “I know,” You commented, “Oh well, we’ll fix it when we get home.”

You hadn’t noticed his increase in speed or the extra few minutes he cut off as you pulled into the large and modern mansion. Before you could even step out of the car in the garage Gerard had already opened your car door and picked you up, carrying you bridal style.

“You know I can walk.” You lightly laughed, holding on to his arms, “I think it was just a bullet graze.”

“I don’t want you hurting yourself.” He placed you down on the couch, “Let me grab the first aid kit.”

He was gone for only a few moments, coming back with the kit in handy, no mask and gloves this time, with no time to remove his armor. It wasn’t a life threatening wound, that’s for sure. “May I?” He asked, motioning to the zipper on the back of your suit. It was so cute to you how he always asked, despite your years of being together. You nodded, moving your hair out of the way.

He took your suit off with ease, helping you step out despite the harsh feeling you got from the slash. Carefully he sat you back down, dabbing your wound with a bit of alcohol and making sure not to directly touch the affected area. There was a certain spot where he had to touch the wound with the cottonball. You couldn’t help but cringe and gasp at the painful feeling, shutting your eyes as it felt like your flesh was burning. “I’m sorry baby.” He commented, squeezing your thigh for support. “You’re doing so great.”

It took him only a few more minutes, and the two of you deciding stitches may be stretching it too far, for you to finally be all bandaged up. You slowly got up, Gerard coming right to you and helping to hold your hips up. “I would suggest a bath but-” “Not a good idea.” You lightly laughed, placing your head on his shoulder. “Thank you.” You mumbled.

“No problem.” He responded, kissing the top of your head. “You alright?” You nodded as he picked you up again, taking you to the bedroom to rest.

He placed you lightly on the bed while removing the covers on the side you always slept. You crawled into the open area he had created, placing your wounded body onto the sheets and covering it up. “Do you want some pajamas?” He asked, now removing some of his suit, his unbrushed and tangled black hair fell just below his eyes.

“Yeah, actually,” You lightly smiled, “If you wouldn’t mind. This sports bra is kinda tight.” He nodded, walking into your closet and grabbing some sweatpants, while walking into his own to grab an old t-shirt, knowing those were your favorite things to wear.

He gave them to you, and stood there watching to which you rolled your eyes, “C’mon now, turn around.” You instructed, his eyes went wide with a form of embarrassment, “You don’t get to see my tits, yet.” He sighed, complying with you as you slipped your bra off and shirt on in a few seconds.

You decided against pants, considering that would take a lot of extra effort. So you just pulled the covers over you, sinking back in. “You can turn around now.” And Gerard did, looking at you with the shirt on and residing to his own side of the bed next to you.

You chose a petty play next, completely ignoring him, waiting for an apology. “I’m sorry.” He said, leaning back on the frame of the bed and looking at you. You looked back at him signaling him to do more explaining, “I’m sorry for questioning your loyalty and moral of your work. I know those two things matter to you very much, and I had no right to question either of those.” You took a moment to let the words settle in.

“Thank you,” You responded, “I’m sorry for bringing up the way you work. I know why you do it and I, too, didn’t have the right to do that either.” “Thank you.” He responded, both of you taking sighs of relief as most of the tension alleviated. “I love you.” He told you next. It had taken him a full year to speak those wonderful three words to you, and whenever he said them you always cherished the way they sounded.

“I love you too.” You responded with a small smile, placing your head on his shoulder which he happily complied with.

#gerard way #gerard way x reader #gerard way x you #gerard way x y/n #gerard way fanfiction #mcr gerard #my chemical gerard #my chemical romance #My Chem #my chemical gee #my chemical romance x reader

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more-stuff-of-pi · 4 years ago

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Believe Because He is Good

a/n: I’ve been thinking of writing something like this and I read these beauties by @volleychumps and was inspired to just write out what was in my head. This is very much a self-comfort fic regarding my personal experience, ofc featuring my og hq mans :)

notes: y/e/n = your ex’s name. requests are open :) find my masterlist here

pairing: sawamura daichi x fem!reader | genre: angst (w/happy ending) | warnings: asshole exes, implied past abuse (emotional, manipulation, slight physical), implied panic/anxiety attack | word count: 2,395

Balls were bouncing off the court, slapping the wood as Karasuno wound down, practicing serves. Even Noya tried his hand at serving, the ball smacking into the net. Tanaka laughed at Noya, ceasing when a volleyball knocked into his head. The culprit, Hinata, squeaked as Tanaka scrambled after him, Noya roaring with laughter all the while, gripping Asahi’s arm as he in turn knitted his brows together. Tsukishima rolled his eyes as Yamaguchi hid a giggle behind a hand.

Despite the chaos of Karasuno, an immense feeling of pure joy washed over you as you stood in the doorway of the gym. Nothing felt quite like seeing the team together. Their bond and their energy always lifted your spirits. And, of course, the handsome captain was the cherry on top.

“Great work today, guys!” Daichi called out to his team, signalling that practice was well over. They started to casually saunter over, Suga coming to take his place as vice next to his captain. “We’ve got a practice -- Nishinoya, Tanaka, shut it -- we’ve got a practice match next week, so I wanna see you all working hard to be ready. Shimizu and Yachi left early to run some errands for Sensei, so please do your best in cleaning up. Alright, get to it!” Daichi clapped, releasing the group to their chores.

As the group dwindled, you watched as Suga tapped Daichi’s arm and jutted his head in your direction. Confused, Daichi glanced towards you and instantly his face melted from slight exhaustion into absolute adoration. He bid goodbye to Suga who clapped him on the back with a mischievous grin in return, causing Daichi to cough.

You giggled, waving to Suga whose grin widened as he threw a peace sign up before turning to do his part in cleaning up. Daichi joined you at your place by the door, lightly touching a hand to your hip, leaning down to peck your lips in greeting.

“Hi, Y/n,” he welcomed warmly as he smoothly laced your hands together as if it were second nature.

“Hi yourself,” you replied. “Shimizu told me you’d need some help cleaning today.”

He sighed and shook his head. “Still, you didn’t have to come.”

“No,” you agreed, entertaining a wicked grin, “but I heard the captain of this team was really hot so I just had to come see for myself.”

Daichi grinned at your teasing. “Well, you should see the captain’s girlfriend. I heard that she’s a real looker.”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, leaning in for another kiss which Daichi gladly gave. “So what can I help you with, Mr. Team Captain? Because with these boys you will most certainly need it.”

Daichi huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, you’re telling me.” He looked around, scanning the gym for a task you could take up. “Ah! You could take care of the water bottles, if you wouldn't mind.”

“Just dump them out, yeah?” Daichi nodded. “Seems simple enough. I’ll go do that and then when we’re done here we could go out for meat buns, maybe.”

“You struck another craving, haven’t you?”

“Your treat!” you teased in answer, snatching up the carton of bottles and escaping from the gym before Daichi could reply. Stepping out, you begin absentmindedly busying yourself with unscrewing the lids of each bottle as you make your way to the outdoor sinks. Focused on the task, you don’t notice the person in front of you until you’re crashing into them, effectively spilling the water you were on your way to empty. Well, that’s one way to do it.

“Oh, my gosh,” you crouched down, quickly picking up the bottles, “I am so so--”

“Hi, Y/n,” the boy said, looking down at you with a tight lipped smile. He was a year your junior and also your ex. You had broken up with him at the beginning of summer vacation but had fortunately not seen him since, even through several months into the school year. You had foolishly hoped that your luck would continue and you would miraculously not ever see him again. But he was also a student at Karasuno and shared not only many of your extracurricular interests but also a handful of friends, of whom were responsible for setting you two up in the first place. What they didn’t know is that they were setting you up for disaster.

The relationship had started with no base friendship or really any genuine knowledge of the other besides the words of others from the grape vine. In retrospect, it was a plain bad idea. You two had fun at first but soon into your relationship, your boyfriend had begun pressuring you. He started with little things, subtly manipulating you until it was hard for you to recognize what your own boundaries genuinely were, as blurry as he made the lines. He was cunning and cornered you into situations you didn’t want to be in as easily as he could talk. He never complimented you, never made an effort for you, never validated you. Normally, you would stand up for yourself, speak out against this mistreatment, but something about him made you weak. And not in that head over heels kinda weak. The type of weak that drained you, that made you doubt yourself where you wouldn’t have before, that twisted your own strengths to look like hindrances.

It seems that even after months apart, he still had that same, nauseating effect on you.

“Hi, Y/e/n.” You forced a pretty smile, trying your best to stay polite and to ignore all of the sudden flowing emotions, not wanting to admit to him -- nor yourself -- that the damage he had done was still raw. “Sorry about that, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“Still ever the clutz,” he laughed, something cruel and mocking.

You grit your teeth, smile impossibly tight. Whatever semblance of sanity you had left pleading for you to remain polite. “I’m sorry. Now if you’ll excuse me--”

He abruptly put a hand on your shoulder to stop you. “Where’re you heading?” The thinly coated politeness was easy to see through when you had suffered through the consequences of believing it.

“To rinse these.” You lifted the carton of now mostly empty water bottles. You went to move past him and tried to brush off his hand, but it only tightened, his thumb painfully digging into the dip between your shoulder and your collarbone. You inhaled shapely at the resulting shock and pain.

The movement reminded you of other times he had done this subtle control, other times he had wanted you to just shut up and comply, other times he coerced you, forced you--

“Why don’t I accompany you, hm? It’s been awhile since we’ve had the opportunity to chat. Let’s catch up,” he said with a toothy smile that even his eyes carried. The familiarity of this compelled you to learned submissiveness, breaths desperately trying to claw their way from your throat. You tried to swallow them down, but they were clawing faster than you could handle.

“I have a job to do, Y/e/n.” Your voice sounded weak, even to your own ears. You weren’t fooling him.

His thumb dug even harder. “C’mon it’s the least you can do after purposely spilling that water all over me--”

“It was an accident--!”

He raised his other hand, going in to grab your arm -- to gain more control over you -- when someone caught his wrist.

“What do you think you’re doing?” A voice said quietly, eerily so. Despite that, under its influence and familiarity, an intense calm washed over you, wrapping you in comfort and relief.

Turning, the image that greeted you of Daichi’s wrath was that of an angel of death, beautiful and fearsome in all of his glory. In his eyes he held enough heat to burn the ends of the earth. And it was all for you.

Your ex shook his wrist from Daichi’s grasp, trying to subtly shake it out. His grip on your shoulder loosened though he didn’t pull away. “I’m just catching up with an old… friend,” he spat, his polite veil thinly covering his malice.

“I’ve never known old friends to hurt each other in greeting.” Daichi was fuming, to say the least. Whatever you had against your ex, you were amazed at his sincere idiocracy. That, or his delusionment that he could genuinely stand level to Daichi.

“I wasn’t hurting her,” he sneered, “I was just saying hi.”

“You could do that without putting your hands on her. I suggest you take them off.”

Your ex snorted and glanced down at you, his hand squeezing reflexively. “Are you really just going to cower there and let him speak for you? You were always telling me what to do, I’m surprised you’re actually staying quiet.” You instinctively flinched away from him, tears threatening to sting your eyes. You knew he was wrong, that he was trying to hurt you, but that broken part of you couldn’t help but believe him.

Daichi, from the corner of his eyes, saw your distressed state, the sight causing his heart to lurch. In his eyes, you were absolutely incredible. So kind and giving and loving and it angered him to no end that anyone would be able to make you believe anything otherwise. He loved you, so incredibly much and he wanted nothing more than to protect you and keep loving you.

“Get off of me,” you whispered, trying to convince yourself that your ex no longer had any control over you.

Your ex smiled wickedly, finally taking his hand off. “There you go, sweetheart. All you had to do was ask.”

“And all you had to do was leave,” Daichi seethed.

“Sorry?” Your ex asked lamely.

“You’ve had your stupid fun, now leave. I’m giving you five seconds.” You looked at Daichi and almost flinched away from the absolute hatred burning in his features. The fire that was there before had grown impossibly hotter.

He laughed. Your asshole ex actually laughed in Daichi's face. "And what will you do?"

"Stay longer than five seconds and find out." As much as Daichi was wonderful and patient and mature, if something really got him going, he threw that all out the window. And perhaps that was Daichi's one fault. That he would gladly abandon reason when it came to you.

"Really?"

"Daichi," you breathed, "he's not worth it."

"No," your boyfriend agreed, "he's not. But it would be so satisfying." Without warning, Daichi lunged and gripped the front of your ex's shirt, pulling the shorter boy roughly to be chest to chest with him. Your ex gulped audibly, his tough persona crumbling away far too easily at a single physical touch. Granted, an angry Daichi held all the fury in the world barely contained in a wall of muscle. Even the word intimidating would be too much of an understatement. "Don't you ever touch her again. Don't look at her, don't talk to her -- in fact, stay far away from her," he snarled, boiling over like an animal on the hunt. He threw your ex away from him. You watched as he stumbled, tripping over his own feet and landing harshly on his ass. Daichi took advantage of this, squatting down over him before leaning in and whispering, "your five seconds are long gone. You can either leave or stay and find out what I can do."

Your ex glanced between you and Daichi, defiance somehow still lingering in his features. Seeing Daichi, though, had given you some courage and confidence as being around him often did. You believed in yourself again, just enough to look your ex in the eyes.

"Goodbye, Y/e/n."

He scrambled from his place on the ground (where he surely belonged, you thought bitterly) and disappeared from sight. You gasped for air, relieved he was gone, the anxiety that threatened to overtake you flooding from your body.

Daichi immediately turned to you, worry and love replacing the wrath in his eyes. "Can I hold you?"

"Please," you gasped, tears that rarely ever came already spilling silently down your cheeks.

With your permission, Daichi rushed from his crouch, pulling you gently to him as his hand came up to card through your hair. You clung onto him, holding him impossibly closer as you sobbed into his chest. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head, pushing hair that had fallen into your face behind your ear. You leaned into his touch, revelling in the love and comfort he provided.

"I love you, Y/n," he said as you lifted your gaze to meet his searching one, "I love you so much. I'm sorry you ever had to deal with that but… but I'm so glad that I'm here with you."

"I'm glad you're here with me, too," you sniffled, wiping at your face. "Where's everyone else?"

"Gone," he replied and you noticed for the first time that he was already changed out of his gym clothes. Just behind you was his discarded bag. "Suga and Asahi went on ahead. I thought it was odd that you didn't ever come back in so I came to check on you."

"I'm glad you did."

Daichi smiled softly. "I am too."

"I'm sorry you had to step in. I don't know why I couldn't handle it, I usually can it's just-- he--"

"Hey, hey," he lifted his other hand to your face, holding you as he gently coaxed you to look at him, "you have nothing to be sorry for."

"But--"

"No buts. You did a great job. You can't just erase what he did to you or how he made you feel. You're allowed to react the way you did, Y/n. Okay?"

You nod. "Okay."

Daichi smiled warmly. "Good. Now how about we put those bottles away and we go out for meat buns."

"Your treat?"

Daichi laughed, the sweet sound bringing a smile to your lips. "Yeah, my treat." He laced his fingers through yours, still grinning.

"Daichi?"

"Hm?" he hummed.

"Thank you. I love you."

His smile softened as he leaned down, kissing you softly. "I love you too, Y/n."

And because it was him, because Daichi was so kind and charming and good, you truly believed him.

taglist: @samwrights (ily mom)

#sawamura daichi x reader #daichi x reader #sawamura daichi #daichi #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #thanks for letting me tag you in my stuff mom ahhhhhhh #this is the definition of a self-comfort fic #it was really cathartic for me to write!#sorry if it went too hard for anyone yikes #tw: abuse #believe because he is good

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franniebanana · 3 years ago

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CQL Rewatch - Ep 24

Note: I will be critical of Jiang Cheng in these posts. If you can’t handle that, please feel free to scroll on.

From the last episode, we know that Jiang Cheng is struggling with out to respond here. But as I'm watching this, it looks like Jiang Cheng is a little annoyed or frustrated here because now it feels like it wasn't his own decision. He didn't want to have to make this decision, because of political reasons and obviously he cares about his sister. She still carries a torch for Jin Zixuan, but agreeing to the marriage makes it look like the Jiang Clan is looking to profit even further from the war. Declining could mean possible damage to the relationship with the Jin Clan. And then Wei Wuxian steps in and gives him a third option: leave it up to Yanli. I think Jiang Cheng feels uncomfortable even answering this question, but part of his discomfort seems to be in response to Wei Wuxian overstepping here, like Jin Zixun points out.

Yeah, even here, Jiang Cheng says that others shouldn't meddle in this decision that Yanli needs to make. He casts a glance over at Wei Wuxian as he says this, suggesting either that he's agreeing with him or a subtle motion that Wei Wuxian is also meddling where he shouldn't. I feel like it's a bit of both. It really was not Wei Wuxian's place to step in and talk over Jiang Cheng. He is treating Jiang Cheng as if nothing has changed, but he's the clan leader now, not the clan leader's son. I mean, I don't give a shit about that, but I can see why someone who cares A LOT about propriety and tradition, like Jiang Cheng, would.

Half of his thoughts are that he dodged a bullet and the other are unexpected disappointment. For one, I think Jiang Yanli really didn't want to give that answer. Not that she doesn't love her home and want to see it restored, but I think she really wanted to marry Jin Zixuan. No matter what Wei Wuxian and her brother said about him, she still persevered in loving that man--regardless of what Jin Zixuan himself said, she still loved him. At the same time, her duty does still lie in rebuilding Lotus Pier for future generations. Jin Zixuan here is always a bit puzzling. I'm not really sure when he starts to fall for her. It could be that after the soup incident, he really starts to think about her. Maybe he lies in bed and she pops into his mind. Maybe he finds that he can't stop thinking about her. I think he's just as shocked as she is when his father brings up the marriage again. He's young too, maybe he also feels a little unready for it. I think, ultimately, they both want to decide on their terms, and not someone else's.

I think it's important that Jiang Cheng is the one to knock down the Wen insignia. As I was watching this scene unfold, where the Yunmeng trio returns to Lotus Pier, I thought it was odd that they have a Wei Wuxian flashback as he's looking around. To me, that kind of loses the focus of the scene. It really should be Jiang Cheng's memories that we should get a glimpse into--he's the one who is so focused on Lotus Pier and his family in this adaptation. It's really his main drive (other than his bitter spite, of course). Of course Wei Wuxian is angry about what happened, but in my opinion, it seems a bit much. After all, the one who was so angry and then despondent was Jiang Cheng, not Wei Wuxian. When Jiang Cheng's core was taken, it was Wei Wuxian who simply wanted to make him better--it was not about revenge anymore. Actually, concerning Wei Wuxian, I don't think it ever was about revenge. I think there was anger and confusion and sadness, but in his heart, I don't think it was really about revenge. Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, well, his story does very much revolve around revenge. He carries this anger and bitterness over what happened to him and his family for years and years--probably his entire life, to a certain extent. He's one who holds onto grudges and doesn't let go easily.

Ah, this part. I have to admit, I'm not certain about the things I'm going to say here, but this is my feeling about this scene. I think Lan Qiren is concerned about Lan Wangji. I think he's worried he'll be influenced by Wei Wuxian. I think he's worried Lan Wangji will stray from the straight path. So his solution is to assign Lan Wangji to repairing the books that may have been damaged, forcing him to look at the disciplines again and again. But of course we know that Lan Wangji is not about to stray from any path--he is trying his hardest to help Wei Wuxian. And if I'm not mistaken, Lan Xichen is about to go to Yunmeng around here (I could be wrong--I don't remember all the details), and Lan Qiren doesn't want Lan Wangji to go with for obvious reasons. I think maybe Lan Wangji is torn here. He wants to do the right thing--he wants to help Wei Wuxian, he wants to please his uncle, he wants to honor the memory of his parents, he wants to be a good disciple of the Lan Clan. I think, most importantly, he doesn't want to lose himself and his own sense of morality, nor does he want to lose Wei Wuxian. His uncle obviously believes the two things are mutually exclusive, but I believe Lan Wangji thinks otherwise. I really like this scene because a lot remains unspoken and there is so much tension there. I like that Lan Wangji requests to go into the library two times, and refuses to answer his uncle's question. It shows a lot of growth that he can stand up to his uncle like that--and if you pay attention, that growth is progressive. The Lan Wangji from the Lan lectures would never think to ask for such a thing when he knows he hasn't done the necessary tasks to be granted access.

Gosh, this episode actually has a lot of good scenes that I kind of just forgot about! In my fic writer's head, I like to think Lan Xichen is here in part to kind of size up Wei Wuxian in his current state. I love that they're drinking together and that Lan Xichen kind of levels with Wei Wuxian here, they both share a chuckle at Lan Wangji's expense too. Also, my wangxian brain loves that Wei Wuxian, while he's basically shirking all his Lotus Pier duties, wants to go see Lan Wangji and gloat while he's copying out the disciplines! Wei Wuxian definitely has his priorities haha.

Of course, Lan Xichen is also there on serious business. Even he tries to get Wei Wuxian to come to Gusu so that they can help him. Wei Wuxian sees this as meddling too, but the brothers really have the best intentions. I don't think it's about power or control for either one of them, but instead a sincere desire to help him and save him from his own ruin. The Lans seem to be the least politically inclined out of all the clans, but I feel like Wei Wuxian doesn't really get that. His own clan doesn't meddle at all, which they should. Jiang Cheng doesn't seem to be concerned at all about what Wei Wuxian is doing to himself--he's just glad he's got someone powerful underneath him. Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen both are concerned about Wei Wuxian, the man. Regardless of his power, they just want him to be safe.

So, as Lan Xichen "expresses his thoughts", Wei Wuxian starts drinking more and more cups of alcohol--I'm surprised there's anything left. He's clearly agitated by what Xichen is saying, but it seems to be when Xichen calls him self-centered that he basically can't take it anymore: the idea that he's only thinking about himself despite his actions causing harm to others, including Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, but also Lan Wangji, who is tirelessly trying to help him. He tells Xichen that he trusts them, but he doesn't want to pick up the sword again--he prefers the demonic cultivation is how Xichen must understand that, since he has no idea about Wei Wuxian's Golden Core. But it's interesting that Wei Wuxian will admit that to Lan Xichen but not to Lan Wangji. He intends to let Lan Wangji press on tirelessly, searching for a way to help him, learning new music to aid and heal him. To be honest, that is extremely selfish of him. Why can't he be honest with Lan Wangji? But I think that he can't be honest because he doesn't want to hurt him, and he only tells Lan Xichen because he's upset and just wants to drop the whole subject. The only way I can think to describe Wei Wuxian over the next few episodes is depressed. He drinks too much, he has nothing to occupy himself, he pushes people away; he is on this downward spiral that no one can pull him back from, not even the people who love him most. And I don't think it's lost on him that Lan Wangji is being deliberately kept from seeing him--he even likens what's happening to imprisonment. All around, this is a sad time for these characters with few bright spots, honestly.

Before I forget, I actually really love here that Xichen makes a point of saying that he's doing this for his brother more than anything. It's very sweet and it's very important for Wei Wuxian to know. It's not meddling to them. That's not at all how they see it, even though that's how it appears to him. They are trying to help him, and in particular, Lan Wangji is trying to help him. He's in fact made it his mission in life--casting aside anything else, to the point that his uncle has essentially had to lock him up to stop him.

I think, overall, Jiang Cheng is just really disappointed in Wei Wuxian. I think he thought he was getting something better when Wei Wuxian came back, all powerful, playing his flute, killing Wens left and right, taking revenge for the Jiang Clan leaders. And instead, he sees a lazy, drunk. Wei Wuxian seems pathetic and useless, nothing like his former self, except for his cocky attitude, which Jiang Cheng never liked anyway. He nitpicks about the sword, but never tries to get Wei Wuxian to change. He nags him, expecting that will be enough. He wants someone subservient who will look good and do all the right things, and also make him look good. So, when Wei Wuxian is none of those things, that would be very disappointing. He wanted a parallel of what his father and Wei Wuxian's father was--that's not what he got. Guess what? They aren't the same people. You know that, I know that--it's really only Jiang Cheng that struggles with that concept. He takes that promise Wei Wuxian made about them being the Twin Prides, grips it in his clenched fist, and never lets go. But people sometimes make promises they can't keep. What parent hasn't promised to keep their children safe only to find out that they can't control everything that happens to them? When Wei Wuxian said that, I think he did want that--at that time. But a lot of things changed after that--they all changed, and I don't think Wei Wuxian wants that anymore.

I feel quite bad for Jiang Yanli, you know. I think so much of her actions are driven by her desire to keep their family together in spite of what's happened. If her parents were alive, I have no doubt that she would have jumped at the chance to marry Jin Zixuan, and I think the only reason she didn't is because she feels an obligation to keep the peace in the family. She worries that Lotus Pier will fall apart, she worries Jiang Cheng can't handle it alone, she worries every time that he and Wei Wuxian argue. And Wei Wuxian barely lets her finish a sentence here. He again makes promises that he knows she wants to hear--promises that they'll be together forever. But even she knows that that's a promise that is meant to be broken. She wants to get married--in all likelihood, she will get married--and leave. She also sees how restless Wei Wuxian is. He may be lying to himself, but she can see right through him. I think this is a woman who knows that things are about to change again and she's trying to prepare herself for that.

When I first watched this scene, I immediately thought Wei Wuxian was talking about Jiang Yanli being in love with Jin Zixuan. It seemed the obvious catalyst, since she was engaged, then they broke it off, then it came up again in Qishan. But the second time I saw it (and watching it again now), I can see that he's talking about two different things: her love for Jin Zixuan as well as whatever is going on between him and Lan Wangji, because I don't think he rightly understands himself. He's just met up with Lan Xichen by chance, who has told him that he's going to end up hurting the people who care about him (oh and also Lan Wangji cares about him so much that he literally has done nothing but study music to help him). And then he likens what Lan Wangji is doing to imprisonment. And now he's comparing love to haltering one's own neck. Whether CQL is explicit or not about the romance, the dialogue doesn't lie. He's questioning why Lan Wangji would love him here. He's questioning why anyone would love anyone, when it means being chained to one person for the rest of your life, being at their whims, being hurt by them, sometimes hurting them yourself--he doesn't understand why anyone would want that. Why is that attractive? Isn't it better to just be alone?

Most frustrating thing is she doesn't even answer him.

I can't deny this scene is cute and puts a smile on my face. I actually really identify with Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian here, because they just don't deal with their issues. When my sister and I were growing up, we'd fight from time to time, but then after a few hours or maybe a day, we'd just be over it. We didn't apologize--we didn't feel like we needed to. It wasn't until I watched this sort of thing between my best friend and her siblings that I understood how kind of unhealthy that is. It's good to apologize. It's good to work your issues out. Pretending things didn't happen can just lead to a bad relationship. Now, I don't even remember what my sister and I would fight about, but mostly silly things. What Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are going through is a lot different. Them ignoring their problems is harmful to their relationship. So, while it's nice to see them joking and smiling, I can't help but think about what they are ignoring.

Parallel time! Jiang Cheng says Wei Wuxian needs to be more respectful and mostly just stay clear of Jin Zixuan while they are in Lanling. Then he goes on to say that Jin Guangyao won't ever be anything more than a myrmidon to the Jin Clan. Obviously Wei Wuxian is not related to the Jiangs by blood--does that mean he also is far below Jiang Cheng and Yanli? Wei Wuxian get annoyed, and rightly so, at how dismissive Jiang Cheng is of Jin Guangyao, especially considering that Jin Guangyao did so much more for the cause during the Sunshot Campaign. The implication is that Jin Zixuan did very little, and we know his father did just about nothing.

Lan "I can do bad all by myself" Wangji

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | Or just check out the #CQL Rewatch hashtag

#wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #cql #the untamed #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #jin zixuan #lan xichen #lan zhan #wei ying #ep 24 #cql rewatch

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fanficsforheartandsoul · 4 years ago

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Courtship | [Obi-Wan Kenobi x M!Reader] | Star Wars

Notes: This is inspired by @xmalereader Mandalorian x Dark Fey! Reader story. I absolutely adore his stories and the concept, therefore I wanted to write something similar, only with Obi-Wan.

Although this is based off Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, I just mainly used the character designs, while deciding the culture of the Dark Fey myself. So it could be interpreted as an AU

Fandoms: Star Wars, The Clone Wars, Maleficent AU

Warnings: Heartbreak, Slight Fluff, Slight OOC, Obi-Wan Being Oblivious

Summary: Obi-Wan knows nothing about courtship and causes a huge misunderstanding.

Word Count: 7′455

Taglist: -

If you want to be tagged in my stories send me a pm with the fandom/character name! Or comment on the fic :)

Masterlist

Reader is a Dark Fey!

Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka had been on an undercover rescue mission when the transport ship that should have taken them back to the Core Worlds malfunctioned.

That only worsened the mood because their mission target had died and Obi-Wan had gotten his lightsaber destroyed in the process.

Anakin, the great pilot he was, decided it was for the best to try and land on the nearest planet and get help.

But none of them had expected that the small multicolored ball they had landed on only housed a few inhabitants - most of which had never seen a spaceship, or even a droid.

Thankfully they found one of the more progressive tribes.

They had a person who spoke Basic, and fortunately, C-3PO was with them for the rescue mission, so they had another way to communicate. Although, the language of the natives was only partly in his database.

The alien race who lived on the small planet was a species they had never seen before. They were all winged, with feathers of different colors and lengths, and two large horns that were different for each individual.

They called themselves Dark Fey, however the name didn't seem accurate. At least not for him. Dark wasn't a word Obi-Wan would have associated with them.

Especially not with the man who had taken them in.

Y/N was the son of the tribe chief of the village, and his wings reminded the Jedi of a butterfly in one of the Jedi gardens. They were mainly orange, with a speck of white and black and some small blue dots.

His father's wings were even more colorful, but Obi-Wan preferred the ones of the son because they were less shrill.

And like the color of his wings, Y/N was kinder than his father. He wanted to help them find a way back to Coruscant.

"Father, we need to help them," argued the h/c-haired man, his eyes glistening with annoyance when his stubborn parent crossed his arms and flipped his wings.

The three Jedi were currently in one of the giant tree trunks, in the forest where the Fey resided, in a room as big as the Jedi Archives. It seemed to be the tribe's meeting hall.

Y/N's father Aster sat on a throne made out of small tree branches, his red and orange wings spread wide behind his back.

"Don't act like that, please," groaned Y/N, and Anakin and Obi-Wan only watched with furrowed brows, not understanding what kind of conversation was going on between the two men.

C-3PO informed them about the dispute between the son and the father, and they realized that the tribe chief did not want them here.

Ahsoka happily munched on the fruits that one of the younger Fey had brought, oblivious or more likely ignorant of the tense atmosphere in the hall.

Although the Fey appeared not to welcome them, they still provided them with some hospitality. The Togruta flashed a toothy grin at one of the kids, and they giggled.

"You know exactly why I don't want to help them!"

Y/N's father looked at the three Jedi with a stern expression, and the only person in the room who wanted to support them huffed in anger.

"We'll be careful!"

The tension suddenly rose, and Obi-Wan assumed it was because the younger's wings now rose too, his feathers ruffled.

"May I say something?" he asked carefully, all eyes then turned to him.

The five women next to Aster leaned forward to listen, they were probably the elders of the tribe.

Y/N turned to him, his eyes held a hint of displeasure, and Obi-Wan gulped, now asking himself if he had just made a big mistake.

"Speak, human," ordered the tribe chief, the Fey who spoke Basic translated, and he bowed slightly, then made eye contact with Y/N's father.

"We are only looking for a spaceship that can take us off-planet. We don't want to burden you with our presence and neither wish to harm you, we can also camp outside your land if you wish us to."

The pupils of Aster shrank considerably, the air turned cold, and Ahsoka stopped eating. Anakin gave him a worried glance, and the Jedi realized that he had said or done something wrong.

He lowered his gaze, and Anakin mimicked his posture, his hand gripping his lightsaber inside his sleeve tighter.

Silence reigned over them, and Obi-Wan tried to catch a glimpse of the tribe chief, but then Y/N stepped before him, obstructing his view.

"Father...", he began, but Aster interrupted him, standing up from his throne, wings now spreading even further, showing his hostility.

"You became a burden when you stepped foot on this planet!", he snarled and descended the stairway made out of the giant tree.

His son held his ground and ruffled his feathers. A single feather touched Obi-Wan's cheek, and he flinched from the softness.

He looked upwards, and the man before them looked like an unmovable stone, an unbeatable protector, who had descended from heaven to help them.

"They did not know, Father! And they had no choice either!"

Y/N's voice now sounded as agitated as his father's, and the situation was about to escalate - although the Jedi did not know into what - when a calm voice suddenly spoke:

"Believe in your son, Aster."

Everyone in the hall turned toward the gigantic entrance where a single Dark Fey had landed.

It was a woman with snow-white wings and silky hair that reached her hips. The present Fey bowed, and the Jedi knew that the newcomer was a respected figure within the tribe.

From the way Y/N smiled at her and how the woman opened her arms wide, she probably was related to him, although their features showed no real resemblances, besides maybe the eyebrows. Y/N hugged her without hesitation.

"You're back," stated Aster, and his wings slightly relaxed.

The woman smiled and then turned to Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka.

"I apologize that I could not greet you when you arrived here. I am Neela, and you're names are?" she spoke in Basic, and all three of them were surprised.

Although it probably shouldn't shock them that much, when they first met Y/N, he also spoke the language.

The translator seemed to have taught it to the ones who wanted to learn it.

Anakin introduced himself first, a brilliant smile on his lips. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes in his mind. His former padawan had probably realized that Neela seemed to be the only one who could tame the tribe chief to some extent.

Ahsoka greeted the woman with a respectful bow, and Obi-Wan did the same when he said his name.

He stole a glance towards Y/N who's lips now showed a triumphant grin. The man noticed his stare and winked at him. His expression was something along the lines of 'Don't worry, we got this'.

It seemed like the arrival of the white-haired woman turned the tides in their favor.

"I heard you are stranded. Your arrival here is of great significance for us. My husband knows that, and his caution is not unreasonable. We do not wish to get involved with the galactic conflicts that are waging right now, I hope you understand."

So, she's Aster's wife... But Y/N truly doesn't resemble her.

Obi-Wan was curious about the woman. She knew more about the galaxy than the rest of the Dark Fey, or so it seemed.

He nodded, and Anakin replied:

"We do. None of us wants to involve you in the war, we're just trying to return home. Our ship is badly damaged, therefore we wanted to find someone who can take us with them."

While Neela asked about their transmitters, Aster's face darkened, the further the conversation continued, but he did not interrupt his wife.

Ahsoka's eyes glistened with respect, and Obi-Wan could imagine what she was thinking. Aster may be the tribe chief, but Neela held the reins in their relationship, which influenced the whole tribe and important decisions.

Anakin then informed them of the last SOS-signal they had sent before they breached the atmosphere of the planet.

"Someone is probably already looking for us," added Obi-Wan, and Aster's eyes turned into slits.

"They will come and force us to leave!" he growled, more towards his wife than the Jedi.

Neela turned around to face her husband, and he visibly flinched. The woman spread her white wings, and her wingspan was even wider than her husband's and Y/N's. Her aura was way more intimidating than the tribe chief’s one.

"They won't stay, I will make sure of that."

She spoke in their native language, but C-3PO translated it, although reluctantly, and the underlying threat worried Obi-Wan.

If no one arrives will they try to kill us?

But Aster relaxed, and he stepped towards his wife, their foreheads touched, and the tribe chief sighed.

Neela's wings lowered, and she then turned around again, her hand on her husband's back.

"You are welcome to stay until your friends arrive. We will make sure that they will find you."

Their action before not only was a display of intimacy but also an opportunity for a silent conversation, where they had decided if they would help the Jedi or not.

Relief washed over Obi-Wan, and Anakin's shoulders relaxed.

As if on cue ran the Fey children from the one corner of the hall towards Ahsoka, and they laughed and fluttered their wings excitedly. They spoke a few words in broken Basic and twirled around her.

The Togruta blinked in surprise and then joined their happy laughs and followed them to their friends.

Obi-Wan and his former padawan cautiously stood up. Anakin only watched when the small bird-like kids kidnapped the Togruta, his expression showing a hint of worry.

"She will be fine," said a calm voice, and the Jedi knights’ heads turned towards Y/N, who had walked closer.

"I'm worried she'll do something offensive," confessed Anakin, and the man laughed loudly.

His head tilted back, showing a necklace with a long blue feather and his wings flapped wildly.

"Not to be mean, but you already offended us greatly, another misstep won't matter."

The Fey continued to laugh when he saw their upset expressions.

"Don't fret it. it's already a miracle that your droid knows parts of our language. How would you know about our culture."

Neela joined their talk. Her eyes focused on Anakin.

"May I talk to you?"

He shared a look with Obi-Wan and then shrugged his shoulders.

"Sure," he responded, and they distanced themselves, Obi-Wan now being left alone with the chief's son.

"Why..." he began, unsure whether he should ask or not.

"She can feel he's special."

He lifted an eyebrow.

"Feel?"

Y/N turned his in Neela's direction.

"Mother is like you. She was chosen too."

Obi-Wan could guess what Y/N meant, and it honestly didn't surprise him as much as it probably should have. The moment Neela had stepped into the hall, the force had changed around them.

"What about you?" he asked curiously.

Y/N's expression turned somewhat solemn.

"No, I- I wasn't chosen. It's not possible."

The Fey's hand grabbed his necklace, and his wings quivered.

Obi-Wan realized he had touched a sore spot and decided not to pry further.

"Come with me", said Y/N after a short while, and his smile returned to his lips.

"I'll show you where you guys can stay."

The Jedi followed him out of the hall, after glancing back one last time to see Anakin and Ahsoka standing surrounded by Fey.

Y/N lead him across the branches of the giant tree, which seemed to be the main living area of the tribe.

Twice, they used a hoist to travel higher up, the Fey explaining that they had been built for their youngest who couldn't fly yet.

The Jedi could stay in a room, hollowed out of the main branch. The room was sparsely decorated with wooden furniture, and instead of beds, there were three hammocks made out of thick green fabric that felt considerably softer than it looked.

Obi-Wan put his small backpack he had taken from the ship on the table and then turned towards Y/N.

"Thank you for everything."

He smiled at the Fey, and the man's expression twitched.

"It's fine", he responded curtly, and before Obi-Wan could ask if something was wrong, he had already passed through the leaf curtain that gave the room some privacy and jumped off the branch.

Obi-Wan stayed behind with a somewhat worried expression. He remembered what the man had said before. “You already offended us greatly.”

Hopefully they weren’t digging their own graves.

They stayed on the small planet, in the giant forest for about a month, and in the beginning, they held their respectable distance from the Dark Fey.

They got invited to meals and attended them, but only Y/N, Neela, and the translator, who turned out to be a teacher and one of the only Fey who had left the planet before, really talked to them.

If the children were excluded.

They had a great time with Ahsoka, and she played with them and even found some friends in her age group, who were studying under Danosh, the translator. Thanks to him, most of the children could speak a few words in Basic, allowing Ahsoka to communicate with them.

Aster had instructed the tribe members to treat them with respect and give them everything they needed, but his hospitality ended there.

He did not include them in any kind of activities the tribe performed besides the meals.

The Dark Fey were a close-knitted species, and the tribe of Y/N did almost everything together. They ate together, hunted together, played together, and even slept together.

They seemed very suspicious of strangers - at least the adults - and they mostly kept to themselves, only talking to the Jedi if necessary.

While Ahsoka got mostly occupied with the children, Anakin's attention got caught by Neela, with whom he even traveled to one of the Fey's sacred places for the Chosen.

Obi-Wan got mostly accompanied by Y/N, but he did not mind that at all.

He enjoyed the other's presence, and his open-hearted character and he talked with the man about all kinds of things.

He told him stories about the Jedi, the beauty of the Jedi gardens on Coruscant, the vast ice tundras of Ilum, and the force.

On the other hand, Y/N taught him about the Fey culture, the significance of one's first flight, the meaning of life according to the elders.

He told Obi-Wan the story of the Batellia flower, that would soon bloom at a day the tribe celebrated.

"The flower blooms for a very short time and then it dies, its roots forming a bond with another plant."

Obi-Wan had asked the Fey why they celebrated that day then.

"Batellia portrays the honest truth of our lives. We live, we die and then we join the Ancestors and the Phoenix Mother."

Y/N also told the Jedi about the worst punishment a Fey could receive - losing one's wings, and the importance of death in their culture.

But one thing he did not talk about because he thought Obi-Wan knew.

For him, it was obvious; Something even the wingless humans should know about, but well...

Maybe the Jedi were just too dumb.

"What's that?" asked Anakin, pointing at the shimmering blue stone on Obi-Wan's nightstand while drying his hair.

He looked at the stone he was pointing at.

"It's a present from Y/N. It's a "Soulstone" according to him. It glows in the dark."

He smiled faintly, remembering when Y/N gave it to him.

It's already been three weeks since they had stranded on the small planet, and the Fey had found them. And he and the chief’’s son had formed a close bond.

They had traveled twice to their spaceship, Obi-Wan showing it to him and explaining the mechanisms while Y/N watched from a safe distance, seemingly too scared to approach the metal beast.

Y/N also accompanied him to highest tree they had, trying to send another SOS signal. He caught him, when he almost slipped and Obi-Wan clung to him like dear life, because they were so high up.

The Fey had only laughed, his eyes glimmering with something Obi-Wan couldn’t quite place.

His former padawan looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"And the one next to it? Also a present?"

"All of them are presents, Anakin", said Ahsoka, who had suddenly appeared and now strut to her backpack, a new load of her favorite fruits in her arms.

"What about me? I want a present from Y/N too."

The Togruta eyed him strangely, then muttered something to herself and grinned.

"They are just things he had found on his regular trips to the river," Obi-Wan said, trying to calm Anakin.

Although he also questioned why he seemingly was the only one who regularly received gifts from Y/N.

On the other hand, he felt a tingling sensation in his chest, somewhat proud that the Fey apparently viewed him as special.

"Did Neela not give you a present?"

Anakin shook his head but then replied: "I don't really care, the things I've learned on our trips to their temples are more than enough. Did you know that the Chosen use the power of their emotions to strengthen their force abilities? They aren't unleashing them like the Sith, apparently, but I don't really understand the difference yet. Neela will tell me more tomorrow. She's busy with the preparations of today's feast."

Anakin's voice was full of excitement while he talked, and Obi-Wan got reminded of his early padawan days when the boy had commented on every little thing with amazement.

"What's different this time?" he asked, Ahsoka watching the both of them silently, her fruits now stored in her backpack for tomorrow when she would go on a trip with one of the Fey at her age.

"They will perform dances after eating. It's going to be quite a spectacle, according to Neela. She wanted us to stay and witness it."

Obi-Wan furrowed his brows, sitting up from his lying position in his hammock.

"Is that really such a good idea? Aster still doesn't seem too keen on having us around."

Anakin shook his head and pointed at him.

"No, we must come. Especially you, the chief actually requested it."

The Jedi's eyes widened.

Aster personally demanded that he attended? Why?

Obi-Wan wasn't delighted to see the dances after hearing that, and he went to the daily feast with a queasy gut feeling.

The meal went like normal.

The Fey sat in groups in the big hall, various bowls with different dishes on the ground, some of them vegetarian, some with fish, others with meat.

The ages were mixed, and Ahsoka, Obi-Wan, and Anakin got accompanied by several small Fey who had played with the Togruta before.

Normally, Y/N and Neela would be in their circle too, but this evening they were nowhere to be seen.

"Probably still preparing", said Ahsoka, and Anakin nodded with a full mouth.

They both anticipated the dances, while he was the only one who somehow couldn't.

He just worried why Aster would want him to be there.

Not having Y/N around made it worse. The man had acted as a calming presence in the last few weeks, and Obi-Wan had begun to like him a lot.

The Fey was thirsty for knowledge, kind, and also understanding. He liked to listen and Obi-Wan always felt some sort of proudness, when he could guess Y/N’s thoughts or feelings correctly from the way his wings and feathers moved.

The Fey seemed to shine like a light, he was very popular with the others of his species, especially the female ones, and it was obvious that he would be the next chief.

Although, he wasn't Neela's son.

His mother, Aster's first wife, had died a long time ago, and his father had remarried. Neela gave birth to two other sons, but they both did not want to follow in their father's footsteps.

Y/N didn't dislike his father for remarrying, he loved Neela like his own mother, and she loved him like he was her own son.

Obi-Wan admired their strong bonds and Y/N's personality.

He was comfortable around the other man, so comfortable that he had confessed the secret feelings he had harbored for Satine Kryze.

Y/N had listened silently and then patted his shoulder to comfort him. He didn't say a word of judgment, silence was the only thing they shared at that moment, but Obi-Wan felt so much better after telling him.

Everything went well, and although they had been here for three weeks and he knew that Cody and the High Council were probably dying from worry, he felt relaxed and content.

When he swayed in his hammock in the evening, the stars visible through the carved out window at the ceiling, his hand holding the “Phoenix’s heart” - another stone Y/N had brought him that was always warm - he even dared to think that he wouldn't mind staying with the tribe forever.

But now...

Now the peacefulness seemed to be in danger.

Obi-Wan barely ate anything, and when Aster finally stood up, the Jedi couldn't stop his whole body from tensing up.

"Let us go to the Ancestors Realm!" the tribe chief shouted, and the present Fey joined in a cry of joy.

"Come on!" squeaked one of the children and grabbed Anakin's arm.

Another clung to Obi-Wan, and the young Fey pulled the three Jedi towards the hall entrance with surprising strength.

The Ancestors Realm was a place at the crown of the giant tree. They had to use nine hoists so get up there and when they arrived, the air was considerably thinner.

It was a flat plateau out of red lichen, the tufts at the border of the round area were glowing, and it did look like from another realm. In the middle of the plateau burned a bright fire, illuminating the faces of the arriving people.

The Fey sat at the edges, Ahsoka went to the new friends she had made, and Obi-Wan and Anakin joined Aster and Neela, the latter had shown up out of nowhere.

The tribe chief greeted them with a smile, which surprised both of them, and he motioned for Obi-Wan to sit next to him. He hesitated for a second, but when the chief looked at him with true friendliness in his eyes he gave in.

The Jedi carefully sat next to Aster, avoiding the man's wings, which he had leisurely spread behind him, and then crossed his legs.

"Are you ready?" asked the leader, and Obi-Wan smiled weakly.

"Yes...?" his answer sounded more like a question, and the man next to him laughed.

"You'll like it, I'm sure."

He could only nod, a big lump in his throat.

He knew that Aster was watching him intently from the side, but he had no clue why.

But before he could ponder over it, one of the elder Fey began to hum, and the rest of the Fey immediately joined.

It was a tribal melody, and it resounded deep in Obi-Wan's chest. Aster started clapping in a rhythm, and the male Fey followed his lead, while Neela clapped another beat, and the women did the same.

The humming was accompanied by the beating of a drum and a sudden cry caused the female Fey to shout.

It was strange for the Jedi, but all three of them were mesmerized by the following scene.

The shouts were a signal for the dancers, and seemingly out of nowhere appeared the few missing Fey. Among them was also Y/N, who Obi-Wan could only recognize because of his wings.

The dancers were a group of males who wore masks that covered their entire faces, their bodies decorated with glowing paint.

They flew a circle above the sitting Fey, and their wings spread, causing loose feathers to descend.

Obi-Wan caught one, and it only took him a glance to know to whom it belonged.

Aster flashed a grin at him and motioned him to clap too.

He put the feather carefully in his robe, worried that he damaged it, and then joined the clapping, feeling excited from the display of the dancers.

They twisted and turned with surprising speed and elegance, and when they landed, the actual dance began, and the sound of various music instruments echoed in the tree crown.

The young men all randomly picked a person in the crowd and started to perform in front of them.

Their wings were the main attraction of the dance. They spread them and flapped, showing off their brilliant colors.

Obi-Wan watched in amazement, not realizing that a certain person was staring at him intently.

A light shove from Aster startled him, and he noticed the person who had gotten closer to him.

Y/N's eyes glistened from behind the mask, and the glowing blue body paint gave him the appearance of an ethereal being.

He twirled and then hid his lower face with his left wing. His e/c eyes pulling Obi-Wan's attention towards Y/N like magic. The Jedi felt like he was in a trance.

The Fey looked beautiful, but at the same time powerful, his sturdy muscles visible thanks to the fire.

A flame began to burn in his heart and it reminded him of something, however, he couldn’t figure out what.

The feathers shook when the music quickened, and the Fey jumped from one foot to the other, his heels never touching the ground.

The Jedi followed the man's every move, too enthralled to notice how Aster and Neela were staring at him with pleased smiles.

Anakin looked at them with a wondering expression, not knowing what they were thinking.

Obi-Wan's mind got filled with a thousand thoughts. His heartbeat had quickened, and the sudden wish of taking a holographic photo of Y/N dancing surged through his veins.

He didn't expect the man to be able to move like this, like an elegant warrior.

It was a traditional dance, the other men of the group performed the same routine, but Y/N's was somehow special.

It felt sensual and, at the same time, like a plead.

The man's wings stretched towards Obi-Wan. Had he leaned a little forward, his nose could have touched a feather.

The music turned to a crescendo, and he knew the dance would be over soon, already a little disappointed.

With a sudden move back, Y/N spread his arms, that had also reached out for the Jedi, to the side and his wings darted back and froze in a position similar to the Jedi order's symbol.

The ending was improvised by him, the wings of the other dancers had stopped in a different pose. Obi-Wan’s heart jumped and he let out a shaky breath.

The Fey for whom the other dancers had danced began to stand up and clap and howl wildly, their ardor audible in their voices, and Anakin and Obi-Wan joined in.

The dancers walked up to the audience members they had chosen and they pressed their foreheads together. Obi-Wan watched their display of affection with a big smile. He loved the kindness the Fey held for each other.

The tribe leader couple also stood up, he following their lead, when Aster suddenly pulled him closer with an arm around his neck, and the tribe chief asked him:

"Did you like it?"

And Obi-Wan could only exclaim with an excited tone:

"Yes! It was wonderful!"

Y/N's father showed a very pleased expression and then let go of him.

The Jedi wondered for a moment if that was the only thing he wanted to know, but his attention shifted when a glowing figure appeared in his peripheral vision.

"Obi-Wan" uttered Y/N, while taking his mask off, his breathing was slightly heavy.

"Y/N, you were amazing! The dance displayed so many emotions, I loved it!"

The Fey stopped short in his track, and then his lips formed a breathtaking smile, which reminded him of the sunrise in the morning.

"Thank you!"

Obi-Wan's head got suddenly grabbed by the other man, and their foreheads touched in a swift motion.

Y/N's skin felt hot from the dancing, and the Fey's breathing shook his shoulders, but Obi-Wan was solely focusing on the man's closed eyes.

Their position felt almost too intimate, his heartbeat pounded loudly in his ears, but he did not move back, ignoring the sudden flutter in his chest, telling himself this was courtesy and showing his respect for Y/N.

He expected the other to pull his head back, but the Fey did not move, until his father patted his shoulder and laughingly boomed:

"That's enough, son. You'll have plenty of time for that later."

Y/N finally pulled back, although not stepping far away, and he turned to his father, shooting him a glare. Obi-Wan stood somewhat dazed, blinking wildly, and wondering what Aster meant with later.

"I'm proud of you, Y/N!" said Neela, and she hugged the man.

The Jedi smiled at the display of their feelings, and he distanced himself to give them some space and to calm his beating heart.

Get it together. Your heart is acting as if you’re in love.

He turned to Anakin, who talked to Ahsoka, both their expressions still showing amazement.

"That was soo cool!" squealed the Togruta, and his former padawan agreed.

"I now feel the desire to have wings too," added Obi-Wan to the conversation, and they turned around to greet him.

Ahsoka's eyebrows shot up, and she grinned somewhat disbelievingly.

"So, you did it," she said, a matter of factly.

"I did what?" he asked, not understanding what she meant.

She gestured towards his face, and he tilted his head in confusion.

"You got paint on your forehead." Anakin said while watching his padawan with questioning eyes, but the Togruta didn't say what she was hinting at.

And he didn't find out until the end of the evening.

After he had talked to the two other Jedi, Y/N had shown up again and told him that he had to attend a family meeting.

He was apologetic, his expression showing clear annoyance and Obi-Wan felt bad for the Fey, although it wasn't such a big deal for him.

They could talk about his performance tomorrow.

So they said goodnight to each other, Y/N once again pressing his forehead to Obi-Wan's, who let it go without a word.

Aster and Neela also left.

They only waved at them, the tribe chief winking at Obi-Wan, leaving the Jedi once again puzzled about why the man had changed his behavior so suddenly.

Although the Fey poured out some delicious alcohol, the three Jedi decided to go back to their room. They were surprisingly tired from seeing the performance.

When Obi-Wan had already laid down in his hammock, Ahsoka addressed him:

"Congratulations, Master."

He lifted his head to peek over the hammock's edge.

"Congrats for what?"

"You and Y/N."

He didn't understand a word.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice sounding slightly worried.

"Don't you know?" she said, now sitting up inside her hammock.

He only blinked. Ahsoka's expression turned baffled.

"The performance today got danced by courting Fey."

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, then his eyes widened.

"Are you saying... Y-Y/N..?", he finally squeezed through his lips, realisation slowly dawning on him.

She mirrored his shocked expression.

"You didn't know?! But you accepted!"

He was panicking now.

"Accepted what and when?!"

Anakin walked into the room, unaware of the sudden revelation.

"What's going o-"

"The forehead touch!"

Obi-Wan sank back into his hammock, his heartbeat thundering in his ear. He had gotten a confession and he didn’t even realize.

"Oh, what have I done?"

The next morning, Obi-Wan felt no motivation to stand up.

He wasn't ready to clear up the misunderstanding that had happened yesterday.

He hadn't known that the dance was about courtship, nor that the forehead was something only romantically involved Fey would do.

He just thought it was something intimate that friends, partners, and family did. The other dancers had done it too, but now he knew the real reason.

That’s why not all of them touched foreheads, they got rejected!

But apparently, he was wrong.

And now he had to take the consequences.

"Come on, old man. Get up", said Anakin with a laugh, and he made his former master's hammock sway.

"Why can't I just die right now of old age?" he sighed, feeling dreadful about what was about to come.

Anakin snorted, and he finally sat up.

He had to talk to Y/N before the whole thing escalated.

But oooh, it already had.

"How did you not realize?!" shouted Y/N.

The Fey was shaking Obi-Wan by the shoulder.

"How should’ve I known?!" he shot back, now also agitated, after the other had told him his parents practically considered them being already married.

"I brought you all these presents!"

"Friends do that from where I come from!"

"You kept my feather!"

"I thought it would be a great memento!"

"I let you touch my wings!!"

"How should I know that's considered to be something intimate?!"

Their voices got louder and louder, and their argument caught the attention of some unwanted spectators.

A group of young Fey had begun to follow their conversation behind some branches, but Obi-Wan didn’t acknowledge them, too angry and panicked at the moment.

Y/N's wings had begun to flip in obvious anger, while Obi-Wan furrowed his brows in annoyance.

"I literally danced for you at the courtship ceremony!"

Obi-Wan gnashed his teeth in frustration.

"How was I supposed to know it was about that?! Anakin only told me it was a dance performance!!"

"But you-you said I danced amazing and you loved it!”

The Jedi didn’t respond to that, only showing a guilty expression.

The Fey bit his lips when he finally realized how grave their misunderstanding was.

"I didn't know...", muttered Obi-Wan, feeling helpless because he knew he had hurt the other.

"Forget it," growled Y/N, then he turned in a swift motion and darted from the tree branch. His wings flapped with such a force that a few feathers fell.

The Jedi only watched how they slowly descended, and they seemed to represent his heart.

It sunk, and a sudden pain in his chest caused him to clench his jaw.

How should I have known?

He told himself that he had had no idea, but deep in his chest whispered a voice that he did. Y/N’s feelings were obvious.

Maybe he just didn’t want to acknowledge them, knowing that nothing could come out of their relationship.

Even if you do like me, Y/N, we can’t be together.

A few days passed, and the atmosphere had turned awkward.

Aster's sudden goodwill had as quickly disappeared as it had come.

After the chief had learned of the misunderstanding, he had almost attacked Obi-Wan. Neela held him back successfully though.

Anakin felt guilty for being partly at fault, and Ahsoka also apologized for not telling him what she had known about the courtship rules.

They spent their days waiting for any kind of sign of the Republic, and they became restless.

Obi-Wan felt genuinely guilty for misleading Y/N, and he grieved for their friendship, which seemed like it had already ended.

The Fey hadn't shown himself to any of the Jedi, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but worry because neither Neela nor Aster had seen their son after he and the Jedi had argued.

Then, one day, a Fey appeared in the great hall, informing Aster of the gigantic triangle that had appeared in the sky and the small flying objects that had landed somewhere close to the forest's border.

Anakin shouted triumphantly, and Obi-Wan felt relief wash over him.

But at the same time, he felt a pang in his chest.

He didn't want to leave, not before he cleared the bad blood between him and Y/N.

But Cody and Captain Rex found a scout of the tribe pretty soon, and they finally reunited only a week after the courtship ceremony.

"Good to see you alive and well, general," said Cody, and Obi-Wan smiled weakly at him.

"Good to see you too, commander."

The clones got accompanied by Plo Koon, and Ahsoka was delighted to see the Jedi master again.

While Anakin and his padawan were happy about their rescue, Obi-Wan couldn't stop himself from wishing they had come later. Now he wouldn’t get another chance to talk with Y/N.

He collected his belongings and hesitated when it came to Y/N's presents. The various crystals and shells on his nightstand.

He contemplated whether to take them with him or not, but the thought of leaving them behind hurt him and he decided to bring them home.

Although they had parted with sour feelings, he still appreciated the memories he had made with Y/N. And his heart honestly didn’t want to forget anything, not even the forehead, which apparently symbolized a kiss.

They Fey did not publicly kiss, one of the things they didn’t display to others, Ahsoka had told him.

When he heard about that, he couldn’t stop his brain from forming all kinds of thoughts and his ears had turned pink.

He walked up to me and kissed me, figuratively!

The misunderstanding was really a disaster.

He now also knew why the other Fey had treated him with more respect even though Aster seemed to hate him again.

It was because he was the object of the future tribe leader’s affections - although he had rejected him.

He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts and left the room, Y/N’s presents stored in his backpack.

He bid farewell to Danosh and the other Fey who had treated him nicely and then joined Anakin and Ahsoka who waited with Cody, Captain Rex and some other clones next to Aster and Neela.

The tribe leader couple accompanied them to the ground and their canon gun ships.

Obi-Wan watched the ships from the border of the gigantic forest and his chest tightened.

Y/N...

He bit his lip, his heart now clenching from the idea of leaving and never coming back.

They were half way there, when Aster and Neela stopped walking.

“We’re not going any further”, explained the white-haired woman and Anakin sighed. He said goodbye first. The chief only nodded at him, but Neela gave him a long hug and whispered something into his ear, while caressing his hair.

Obi-Wan could see that the woman somewhat appeared to be like a mother-figure for Anakin. He felt the pain of saying goodbye in Anakin’s force presence.

Ahsoka also gave Neela a hug and she bowed at Aster who surprisingly patted her shoulder and said:

“Stay sharp, little one.”

The Togruta beamed and then it was Obi-Wan’s turn. He looked at the chief and behind the animosity in his eyes, he could see genuine regret.

He didn’t know what to say and just awkwardly stood there, when Aster coughed and grumbled:

“You would’ve been a splendid son-in-law.”

The Jedi blinked and Anakin couldn’t stop a snort, laughing silently at the blush that swept across his former master’s cheeks.

“Uh- thank you.”

“Obi-Wan,” said Neela and she opened her arms wide. He willingly walked into her embrace and she also caressed his hair, while hiding his embarrassment with her wings.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. If he couldn’t tell it Y/N personally, he would tell his mother.

“It’s alright. Y/N is a little hasty sometimes, especially when it comes to his feelings. I’m not trying to say he rushed into the idea of liking you...”

Obi-Wan’s cheeks heated up again, not knowing how to react when a woman, who was the mother of the man who liked him, openly talked about her son’s and his relationship.

“He’s genuine, but stubborn. He was born here and never set foot on another planet. You swept him off his feet and he got too excited, not registering that our manners and traditions are unknown to you.”

He nodded into her shoulders and she let him go to look into his face. Her blue eyes glimmered with kindness.

“I’m glad you were his first love.”

He blinked and her sentence hit him right in the gut. Oh, wow, he really hurt the man, huh.

She traced the line his knitted eyebrows made and smiled.

“It’s not your fault, Obi-Wan.”

He wanted to reply something but he had a lump in his throat and could only nod.

She let go of him and he stepped back, his expression showing how sad he was about their departure.

“Goodbye.”

The Jedi and clones turned and began to walk away. Every step physically hurt Obi-Wan and he breathed out shakily, face looking down to not see Anakin’s and Ahsoka’s possibly judging expressions.

Suddenly, a shadow sped across the plain and before he could look up, a person landed right before his feet, causing him to make a step back.

He tilted his head, startled, his eyes meeting e/c ones. Time seemed to stop.

"Obi-Wan," breathed Y/N and the Jedi's heart started to pound faster.

"You came," he hesitantly said, his tone revealed his relief.

"Yeah... I have to tell you something."

Obi-Wan turned his head to Anakin and the others, they feigned ignorance and acted as if they weren't listening closely to their conversation, although they were.

"O-Okay, but I want to tell you something t-"

"I fancy you."

Hearing that sentence directed at him caught Obi-Wan off guard.

Not that he never had been confronted by similar words, but it had never been in such a blunt fashion. And also not from a person he secretly liked too. Satine had been a different case.

A blush crept up his neck, cheeks and ears and he swallowed hard.

He had expected Y/N to tell him an apology or a goodbye, but not a love confession.

"I'm sorry. I projected my culture onto you and didn't consider your feelings."

Obi-Wan was flustered and he checked his surroundings again, the clones and the two Jedi now blatantly listening without even trying to hide their interest.

"I-I..." he began, not knowing what to say.

He knew he had to reject the Fey but his fluttering heart absolutely didn't want him to.

"I'm a Jedi, Y/N," he eventually said, his tone sounding pained, and Obi-Wan expected the other man's face to sadden, after all, he did tell him what that meant when it came to attachments, but the Fey's smile stayed on his lips.

"I know. I just wanted to tell you properly."

The smile was the same radiating one he had flashed him after the courtship dance.

Obi-Wan clenched his jaw, contemplated for a second and then, without hesitation, he took a step forward and grabbed Y/N's face to bring their heads together.

Their foreheads touched and the man's eyes widened.

Obi-Wan locked his gaze with his and the Fey sighed, now pressing his head closer and putting his hand on both side’s of his neck..

"You're making this very hard," he muttered accusingly, while tracing Obi-Wan’s carotid artery.

The Jedi laughed weakly, the pain in his chest swelling.

"I know, I'm sorry."

He closed his eyes and breathed in, the smell of damp soil, fruits and leather filled his nose and Obi-Wan tried to engrave the scent in his mind.

"At one point we'll have to stop," whispered Y/N and he grumbled.

"I'm just soaking you in", he replied, eyes still closed.

I don’t want to let go.

He heard the Fey breath out slowly.

Then the man moved away.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes in protest, then his hand got grabbed, and Y/N kissed him.

The Jedi's eyes widened and he remembered that Anakin, Ahsoka and the clones were watching, but his reason got thrown out of the window by his heart and he returned the kiss.

It was a short and bittersweet one. Just like their relationship.

Like the Batellia flower, their love finished before it could even properly bloom.

But Obi-Wan did not look back at these four weeks with regret.

After he had returned to Coruscant and continued fighting in the war, he would often smile at random times, his hands buried in his robes, where he caressed a soft feather.

And he could be damn sure that on a small planet in the Outer Rims, a Fey would trace the faint glow of a blue kyber crystal, he always had with him around his neck.

And who knows, maybe they’ll meet again.

218 notes · View notes

bytheangell · 3 years ago

Text

I Just Want to Feel Something Today

(A s02e11 inspired fic) (Read on AO3)

“Emotions serve a purpose. You don’t go through what you just went through, witnessing all that death and not feel something, Jace! It’s not good for you! Just feel something. Whether you think it clouds your judgment or not.”

Clary’s words catch Jace by surprise. He expects anger, denial, frustration… and he supposes, in a way, that’s exactly what he gets. Except instead of being aimed at him, those emotions come from Clary on behalf of himself. She’s upset, but she’s upset because he keeps pushing away anything that would make him actually stop and deal with everything that’s happening. She’s not mad at him, but at the way he is thanks to years of careful conditioning to push his emotions aside and lock them away so they aren’t a distraction.

And she’s right. It isn’t that he hasn’t felt anything, it’s that he’s buried every feeling he gets the moment it starts to form. He’s ignored every negative emotion because he hasn’t had time to deal with any of them, and he’s pushed away any remotely positive emotion he’s felt because he doesn’t deserve to feel anything good, not now, not after everything he’s done.

How long has it been since he let himself actually feel something, good or bad, all the way through? He certainly has plenty of emotions to choose from. Plenty of moments and events to focus on.

Not here, though. Not now. There’s still work to be done and plans to be made. He’s done enough damage already that a few more hours of keeping everything neatly tucked away won’t hurt. So he waits until he’s certain Clary is long gone and calls the elevator to face the rest of his day.

---

It isn’t long before Jace finds himself on the rooftop of the Institute, thankful for the solitude it provides him. He hadn’t realized how stifling the walls of the Institute felt until he’s outside of them, breathing in the fresh air, letting the slight breeze run through his hair the closer he walks to the edge of the roof overlooking the city.

It’s easier here, he thinks, to try and let go. This isn’t the first time he’s escaped to the roof to be alone and process things, and he’s sure it won’t be the last. It’s been so long that he wonders if he remembers how to let it all go… no, not go. How to let it all in.

“You’re hurting,” Alec had said as they sparred earlier. And Jace was - he still is. The hurt never stops, not now, not when there’s evidence of the pain he’s caused at every turn. It’s in the stress lines on Alec’s face, in the way the other Shadowhunters won’t meet his gaze, and the way the Downworlders would meet his gaze - but with nothing but hatred in their eyes. The pain is the easiest thing to let himself feel because it’s what he thinks he deserves the most - the disappointment, the anger, the despair.

He feels his chest tighten with emotion, too many to pick apart and name, and does his best to fight the urge to swallow it all back down and walk away, back inside where he can justify putting back on the mask of Being Okay.

Instead, Jace allows his mind to move on to something else he’s been effectively ignoring. Because after the Soul Sword his next biggest problem is Simon and the fact that he’s a Daylighter now, with all signs pointing to Jace’s blood being the catalyst.

Jace feels nothing but dread at the idea of this being true. There was so much going on at the time that he hadn’t considered the possibility that his blood is the reason Simon can walk in the daylight now. If that’s true it doesn’t just put him at risk, it puts Clary at risk, too. And not just from the other vampires but from the Clave. The Clave would hate this revelation. Worse, the clave would fear it, fear the possibility that Nephilim blood could be used to rid the vampires of their biggest weakness. There’s no telling what they’d do to him and Clary if they found out, and that’s a thought that genuinely worries him in a way that not much else does.

“No matter what, your secret’s safe with me. (...) You have nothing to worry about, I got your back.”

Loath as Jace is to admit it, even just to himself, he does trust Simon and believes when Simon swears that he isn’t going to say anything. If it were anyone else Jace would be worried they’d use the knowledge for blackmail later, to hold it over his head as leverage, but it isn’t anyone else. It’s Simon. And yeah, Jace trusts him, for whatever that’s worth.

Somewhere between the jealousy and the nearly dying to save Simon’s life, there’s witty banter and mutual appreciation. Simon has nothing to lose and everything to gain from sharing their secret with the other vampires, but he won’t. Jace thinks of Simon’s attempts to hug him, of casually affectionate touches and warm smiles and the fact that he’s… hell, they’re friends, aren’t they?

Clary stood by him out of perceived sibling loyalty. Izzy and Alec would always do the same. But Simon? Jace has so few people on his side that Simon’s loyalty isn’t something he takes lightly. Surprisingly, the idea of having Simon so resolutely in his corner is such an overwhelming realization that the relief of it brings the first tears to Jace’s eyes. Once they start they don’t stop, especially not as his thoughts turn to Clary.

“What else are you hiding from me?” Jace wishes he could blame Valentine for his fallout with Clary, but he knows that wouldn’t be true. It’s Jace’s fault he didn’t tell Clary sooner - he had plenty of opportunities, plenty of time, but more than that: she deserved to know. He’d just been too scared, too selfish to do it. He said he didn’t want to ruin things with her and Simon but that was just another lie. He wasn’t afraid she’d leave Simon for him once she knew, he was afraid that she wouldn’t. That he could have her now, and she could have him, but she wouldn’t want him the way he still wants her.

Because deep down he’s still just a scared, insecure boy, using that carefully crafted bravado to cover up the truth of what he’s actually afraid of: not being good enough. He knew it couldn’t last forever, but as long as Clary didn’t know she had a choice he could avoid the reality of her not choosing him.

Except now he may have lost her for good, and not just to Simon.

Of course, she doesn’t trust him now. She may never trust him again, and he wouldn’t blame her. He let her down, not for the first time, but arguably the worst time since they met… and that’s saying something, considering everything they’ve been through.

Jace remembers how hurt she looked at the realization that he kept something so important from her, and the tears fall steadily now. He lets that pain in, he lets it mean something. She practically begged him to feel something so it seems only fitting that he feels this the most. Jace closes his eyes against the tears, only to see the image of Clary walking away from him in his mind’s eye. The ache of it knots his stomach, the fear that she may not come back to him, not as a lover or as a friend, is paralyzing.

He lets it in. He feels it, all of it.

The tears continue to fall and Jace continues to feel everything from the past few hours, the past day, the past week. Everything he pushed away. Everything he buried, finally allowed to break through the surface.

Regret. Anger. Relief. Sorrow. Loss. Hope. Fear. Sadness. Love. Pain. Loss.

He feels all of it.

There’s a sound behind him and Jace knows it’s Alec behind him on the rooftop before he ever hears his parabatai speak. He reckons he could take a minute to collect himself and brush this off without Alec pushing it - he already silenced the sobs that shook his entire body only moments before. Another thirty seconds and he could give some bullshit excuse about being upset over Clary and move on to whatever Alec came looking for him to talk about. Alec knows when Jace wants to talk and when he doesn’t, knows when he can push and get something out of Jace and when it was a lost cause. It’s why Alec asked him about the Downworlders and about Clary while they sparred earlier, knowing that Jace needs a side of distraction with his honest conversation. It’s easier to talk between punches, to discuss emotions while simultaneously having a physical release for them.

This? Crying, with no singular reason or cause, just because... just because he tried to face his emotions and became immediately overwhelmed by the weight of it all? He doesn’t do this. They don’t do this. They do eye-rolls and thinly veiled admissions of not being fine - but also not wanting to talk about it - in between hits with a staff. They do brief moments of serious conversation while literally pinned to the ground and unable to escape.

They don’t do falling into each other’s arms in tears... and yet that’s exactly what Jace wants to do right now.

“Jace, you okay?”

No. He isn’t okay, and no amount of sparring is going to fix it this time around. There aren’t enough distractions in the world, which is unfortunate, because they’re about to summon a Greater Demon to the Institute and Jace can’t get his fucking shit together. At least, not on his own. It took Clary’s influence to get him to this point, and he knows what he needs to move further. Maybe not to closure, but to something close.

So he turns around, eyes bloodshot and face streaked with tears, and gives Alec what is probably the most lost, helpless look he’s ever willingly allowed anyone to witness.

Alec doesn’t say he’s sorry, or ask what’s wrong - he simply moves to close the space between them and wraps his arms around Jace, pulling him close. Jace allows himself to be pulled, to be tucked into the firm but gentle embrace of his parabatai.

After a moment Jace tries to pull away, to shrug off Alec’s comfort as the guilt of not deserving it settles again, but Alec holds firm. Jace came up here to be alone, but maybe being alone isn’t what he needs just then. Just like keeping everything bottled up wasn’t what he needed, either. It took Clary to realize that, and it takes Alec’s insistent presence for him to realize that he needs these moments of comfort from his brother that he’d never allow himself otherwise.

They stay this way, silent except for the slowly quieting sobs from Jace until the tears stop completely. Only then does Alec finally loosen his grip around him enough for Jace to pull back.

“Feeling things is overrated,” Jace manages, and the words startle a laugh out of Alec despite the situation.

“Clary?” Alec hazards a guess, not that it’s a difficult conclusion to reach.

“Clary,” Jace confirms. “Among other things.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alec offers, sounding as uncertain in asking as Jace is in his answer.

“No,” Jace admits. Except he’s starting to realize what he wants isn’t always what he needs.

Jace sighs.

“But maybe I should.”

#jace herondale #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #will I ever stop writing Jace introspection during this re-watch?#i mean eventually yes but not today #elle writes a few deadbeat lines #long post

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pointy-ears-kink · 3 years ago

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Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Fic #01; prompt: Strangling

Characters: Ezri Dax & Weyoun 6

cw: violence, dissociation

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33471691

@badthingshappenbingo

“How is he?”

The rest of the senior staff turned towards Ezri. They’d been silent the entire time.

Sisko broke the tension. “Who?”

“Weyoun. I mean, they pretty much just turned against everything they’ve ever known and fled to the enemy side, the only thing that allows him to justify it to himself is Odo, and he doesn’t want them around. They must be pretty shaken up.”

“Probably, yes. Why?”

“Well… I’m a counselor. I figured I could talk to him. It’s my job.”

O’brien barged in. “Woah, wait now, I’m not sure that’s such a great idea-”

“They’re right, though. He probably needs it.” Julian interrupted him.

“I just don’t want them to get hurt!”

Sisko raised his palm. “I think they can handle themselves, chief.”

“I just think they deserve a chance.” Ezri tried to keep their voice firm. “Plus, it would also benefit us a great deal if we ensured he’s healthy. But, really, they must be miserable. Just let me help.”

Sisko sighed. “Well then. You may visit him once a day, for an hour. You pick the time. You are to meet with a security officer who will escort you to and from your meetings, during which they’ll wait outside-”

Ezri opened their mouth to contest but Sisko cut them off immediately.

“-and that’s non-negotiable. He’s still under the effect of the toxins from the fake suicide implant, I don’t want to risk it. Dismissed.”

They figured it could’ve been worse, and silently left the room with everyone else.

Weyoun 6 had been taken out of the holding cell and relocated to living quarters as they spoke. He’d only arrived an hour ago and was at first put in a holding cell, but Odo, albeit reluctantly, had vouched for him, on the condition the vorta would be confined to whatever rooms they’d be given for the time being.

All in all, this meant that at 2459 Ezri was on the habitat ring walking away from their quarters and towards Weyoun’s, accompanied by a reluctant security officer. They would have preferred waiting to be rested, but they were only allowed one hour per day, and since it wasn’t midnight yet they could still squeeze in an extra hour. It was a technicality, sure, and Sisko certainly wouldn’t be pleased, but they needed all the time they could get.

At 2512, they were standing in front of the door. They addressed the officer escorting them. “Again, I’m sorry about dragging you here this late, but it’s important. I’ll try to make it up to you.”

She didn’t look pleased but accepted the offer.

2513. Better get started.

Ezri took a deep breath and chimed.

“Who is it?” Weyoun’s voice was slightly shaky.

“My name’s Ezri Dax. I’m a counselor.”

The door opened. Weyoun was precariously sitting at the edge of the window, looking out into space. They spoke without turning their head. “What do you need?”

“I don’t need anything. I’m here to help you.”

Now he turned to look at them, his eyes barely getting them into focus. “Why?”

“Again, I’m a counselor. And I think you could use one.”

“I’m sure there are more useful ways in which you could spend your time.”

“But I chose to come here, so we might as well make the most of it.”

Weyoun remained silent for a bit. “What makes you think this is necessary?”

“Well, I figured things may be tough for you right now. You’re among those you’ve considered your enemies for years, far away from your own kind and the Founders, so I guess-”

The vorta practically hissed. “Don’t you dare speak of them!”

“Alright, we don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.”

“Listen, counselor, I’m sure you think you can do something good here, but you don’t know what you’re talking about so don’t pretend you can waltz in and solve everything because of some flimsy licence of yours.”

“That’s not my goal, I’m simply here to talk. It’s up to you how much you want to share.”

“But that’s just another way to put it, isn’t it?” Weyoun stood and started walking towards Ezri. “You make promises of safety, put up a façade to lure me into believing I’m the one with agency here. What for? What do you want from me?”

They were standing dangerously close. Ezri forced themselves not to take a step back, or raise their palms, or do anything that would be read as defensive and invite conflict. “I’d only like to listen to you for a bit to see if we can come up with something. I’m a counselor. It’s my job.”

Weyoun’s voice became a hiss. “I’ve already told you I’m not falling for your lie, either try a new one or tell me truth.”

“It is the truth.”

Wrong answer. His hands jumped to their throat, gripping with unexpected force. Instinctively, they grabbed their wrists.

Shit. Shitshitshit not what I expected.

What did you expect? He should’ve been killed like any other enemy. That was the Joran influence. It had been with them since they’d asked for his help.

This is so not the time for this. Shit.

So far, they had managed to keep the vorta’s hands from choking them, but they were starting to waver.

God, now what?

“They should regain consciousness any second now.”

Ezri could see Julian’s back out the corner of their eye.

“Very well.” Sisko’s voice. He sounded tired.

“The damage was superficial, luckily. Just some bruises. Although I think it may have been due to lack of will rather than ability to harm. Security found him crouched in the corner, completely still and uncommunicative.”

Ezri sat up.

“Ah, lieutenant. How are you feeling?” Sisko was facing them.

Julian turned around, a concerned look on his face.

“I’m fine, really.” They tried to sound calm.

“Ezri, you were strangled until you lost consciousness. Sure, it could’ve been much worse, still, fine is hardly the appropriate term.”

“I do feel fine though.” They took a deep breath, which proved more relieving than they’d ever thought possible. “Where is he?”

“Ezri, I’m not sure you should see him…” Julian looked uncomfortable.

“He’s in a holding cell, isn’t he? I want to see him.”

“Weyoun is yet to be dismissed by Dr. Bashir, lieutenant. It is up to our CMO to decide whether they’re ready for visitors.”

Ezri looked at Sisko, then back at Julian. “Please.”

He sighed. “When he was found, he was completely out of touch with his surroundings. They seem to be slowly getting out of it, though, and I’d prefer to leave them a couple of days to recover before receiving visitors. Since security dropped them off here they’ve only interacted with the strictly necessary medical personnel and I’d rather keep it that way. As a licensed therapist, I’ll allow you in, but I’d rather wait a bit. Pass by later, around 2100. Go to sleep now. You had better be properly rested by then.”

Sisko sighed. “Fine. But this time, you’ll stay in visual range of the security officer and are not to get within two meters of him.”

Ezri almost protested, but figured they weren’t in the position to.

“One hour, lieutenant- computer, what time is it?”

“The time is 2535.”

“-starting tomorrow.”

Ezri got the hint and retired to their quarters. Julian was right, they needed to rest.

“The time is 0600.”

…

“The time is 0600 and ten seconds.”

“Alright, alright! I’m awake.” They begrudgingly pushed the cover away and got up. Turns out, getting strangled didn’t ensure good sleep. Who would’ve thought.

Ezri fueled up on ratkajino and prepared themselves for the day ahead. It didn’t look like it was going to be simple.

Stepping out into the habitat ring corridor, they ran into Odo.

“Hi, Odo.”

He turned. “Lieutenant.”

He resumed his course towards the promenade, Ezri tailing him.

A few moments passed silently. They were struggling to keep up with the pace, but eventually they resolved to speak anyway. “So… have you talked to Weyoun 6 since you two got here?”

“I have not. I thought it best to give him space for the time being.”

“Right. I imagine it might be awkward for you, being around them.”

Odo harrumphed. “That’s one way to put it.” He glanced at them, then went back to focusing on the corridor. “I heard about what happened. I wasn’t there as I was in my regenerative state, but I trust my officers handled the situation appropriately.”

Ezri nodded, even though Odo wasn’t looking at them. “I didn’t see them, but yeah, I think so.” They paused. “Dr. Bashir is taking care of them. He said they’re recovering. They’ll be fine.”

Some more silence before Odo answered. “Thank you, lieutenant.”

“Anytime.”

They spent the rest of their commute in silence. Ezri made it a point to get through the day avoiding -and ignoring- the subtle preoccupied glances, the not so subtle concerned stares, and the straightforward worried questions. They managed, mostly; up until 2030, when they stepped in the infirmary.

Julian was standing by an empty biobed, reading something off a pad. He looked up when he heard their footsteps.

“Oh, hi, Ezri.”

“Hi. I figured I’d come in a bit early.”

“I’m glad. Since we have the time, would you mind if I quickly checked in with you?” He was already lifting a medical tricorder towards them.

Ezri figured it was only fair. He’s the doctor, after all; at the very least, if they got clearance from him, they could dismiss everyone else by reassuring them they’d been checked by the CMO himself.

After scanning their neck and respiratory system thoroughly, he put his tool down. “You’re fine.”

“Why do you sound so disappointed?”

He chuckled. “I’m simply worried about you. I guess I half-hoped to find an excuse not let you do this.”

“I’ll be okay. Now, where are they?”

Julian gestured towards the other side of the infirmary. “Observation.”

The same security officer as the previous night, one ensign McKenzie, was standing by the door.

They awkwardly waved at her. “Sorry about, uhm… everything.”

She shrugged. “Just doing my job. I intend to take you up on your offer, though, so don’t die, okay?”

Ezri smiled. “Okay. Thanks.”

And in they went.

Weyoun was standing near the wall opposite, his hands joined on his back, looking at the posters on the wall about the bajoran muscular system as if it was a scenery.

“Are you feeling alright?”

They turned to look at them. “Yes. I must apologize for my current state.”

“I can’t imagine having spent multiple lifetimes seeing us as your enemy makes this easy or you. You held back though, didn’t you?”

“I… did. And, counselor, I appreciate the effort, but I don’t think you can quite, imagine what that’s like.”

“I think I can though.”

He tilted his head to the side, a question in their eyes.

“You see, I am trill. Although I, Ezri, look- and, in a way, am- twenty two, the Dax symbiont I’m joined with is over three hundred years old. Which, I guess, makes me three hundred. I have memories from seven other lifetimes, and although I didn’t spend all of them leading a war against people I later asked asylum from, I can use my imagination and say, it must be hard.”

Weyoun mulled it over for a bit. “Trill, you say…”

“Yeah. That’s the name of my species. Point is, I kind of get what you mean. And I’m here to help.”

He lightly shook his head. “I don’t wanna risk another… accident. For the time being, I’d prefer thinking things over by myself. However, I’d be glad to keep seeing you. If I am to stay on the station, I’ll need to get acquainted with its people, and I believe having you ease me into it would be good for me. That is, if you wish to.”

They considered it. “Well, sounds good to me. You sure could use some friends. I guess you can consider me one, now. And, in case no one’s told you…”

They fixed their posture, assuming the most formal stance they could muster.

“...welcome to Deep Space Nine.”

#bad things happen bingo #star trek fanfiction #ds9 #exri dax #weyoun 6 #exri dax/weyoun 6

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modern-inheritance · 4 years ago

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Modern Inheritance: The Medic

(A/N: Takes place somewhere around ten years after Arya leaves Ellesméra and joins the Varden. I’ll probably do another fic going into the injury that sent her back to Ellesméra for further healing {something that occurs probably every other year or so, as she’s not a skilled healer and none of the medics in the Varden know elf biology} at a later date. Cheers! Oh, and a reminder, 20 years old is around 10 in human years apparently, or at least how we’re going for MIC. Cheers again!)

Arya leaned back in her chair, eyeing the elf across the small camp table as he scribbled out another note in the Varden medical file spread before him.

Glenwing was the first and only person on Arya’s personal, official squad. He had trotted up to her a day before she was to leave Ellesméra and handed off orders straight from the Queen that he was to become her medic in the field. Even after multiple readings and consultations with Oromis, the orders were clear and gave no leeway or loophole through which Arya could escape. Despite her obviously annoyed acceptance at his sudden addition, Glenwing seemed unfazed and calm throughout the entire process, and set out with his new commanding officer the following morning.

They had reached the edge of the forest now, camped upriver from Ceris at Arya’s request. Three weeks in Ellesméra had left her antsy and entirely fed up with the prim and proper etiquette that made open speech so damned difficult in the pines, something she had not missed in her years with the Varden. Glenwing hadn’t protested in the least, and had spent a majority of the time setting up camp asking her questions about her previous injuries, examining scars, and doing his best to ease into the more personal questions of mental health that he hadn’t had time to ask before they left Ellesméra.

The silver haired elf signed a stop glyph at the end of his most recent note in the margins of Arya’s file before tapping his pen against his lip. “Any trouble sleeping in the past six months? Falling asleep, staying asl–”

“Are you going to report all this to the Queen?” Glenwing looked up, somewhat startled by the sudden interjection. Arya had her arms folded now, regarding him with that solid stare that expected answers and would take no deflection or lie that he could give. “I’m assuming that’s why she assigned you to me. People weren’t exactly lining up behind me to join the Varden, so I doubt you volunteered. Plus, after this long she’s probably realized that I need to return to Du Weldenvarden to be fully healed after larger injuries so she’s probably not keen on giving me more time away from her influence and reach. So there has to be another reason that supersedes that. A way for her to influence and keep tabs on me while I’m away as well as while I’m in the pines.”

Glenwing straightened from where he had been leaning on the table and carefully placed his pen parallel to the top of the file before meeting Arya’s hardened gaze with his steady one. “Do you want me to?” There was a soft curiosity behind his golden eyes.

The question seemed to catch the other elf off guard. Arya blinked, lips parted to snap a retort that now didn’t seem necessary.

“I won’t lie to you.” Glenwing continued. “The Queen has asked– or rather, she has ordered– that I report back on your status and any developments in your mental and physical health.” Anger flashed through Arya’s countentance, but before she could spit out a string of swears the elf across from her held up a finger. “However. You’re wrong about me volunteering. I’m here because I want to be, not just because the Queen accepted my offer. That means that I have willingly taken you on as a patient, and while I am a subject of our Queen’s rule, I am also your medic and doctor.”

“Look, I don’t care if you’re a ‘subject of the Queen’ first.” Arya snapped. The phrase seemed to have set her off enough to break through the final barrier of elvish manners that remained as she cut him off. “If you’re going to be telling the Queen every little thing about me, I’m just not going to accept your help. You might as well go back home, alright?”

“That’s not what I’m saying at all.” Glenwing replied, voice calm yet lacking the patronizing edge that Arya had expected. “I’m saying that as my patient, you have complete control over your care, including who, and when, I give information to regarding it and your status in the past, present and future.

“If you don’t want me to inform the Queen as she ordered, I won’t, and I’ll tell her as much. I’m one of the Queen subjects, yes, but now that you are my patient my purpose here is to keep you alive, and I can’t exactly do that if you refuse care or don’t trust me.”

Arya was silent for a long moment, the silver haired elf’s words sinking in. The elven nation was a monarchy, yes, but there was always an understanding that any elf could act independently unless called to war in defense. Even then there was a choice of remaining behind to tend to the forest and those who returned. Orders given in common elvish, even from the Queen, were considered the rule of law, but in actuality could be challenged or even ignored if the individual thought the orders would cause more harm than good. It could incur the wrath of the Queen, yes, but there was no formal system of punishment beyond the decision of the council. Or, in personal cases such as Arya’s own, the decision of the Queen herself.

That being said, most people followed their orders when they were given, and as such things were rare it was unusual to find an elf that was quite as willing as Arya to bend or break the rules so to speak. Yet here one was, practically raising his eyebrows in quiet eagerness to open loopholes and ignore centuries of custom all for a chance to…

…to what?

Arya chose her words carefully. “Glenwing…why are you doing this?” She gestured to the square photographs that were scattered on one side of the medical file, images detailing the numerous wounds of note, most in their unhealed state, that the young elf had incurred over the course of just a little over a decade of service in the Varden. “You’ve seen what it does physically. Magic can heal but I think we both know that the scars of the mind do not close so easily. I’ve almost died more times than I can count and watched countless others who were not so lucky lose their lives on and off the battlefield.”

“I’ve seen war, Arya. I’ve not participated in one, but I’ve seen the damage it does.”

“Then why join me?” Arya leaned her elbows on the table, shoulders hunched as her brows furrowed. “Why? I have my reasons, some of them more morally sound and others more or less reprehensible, and the things I’ve already done to further the goal of toppling Galbatorix… I’ve done some terrible shit. I’m not going to skirt around that. You know that you’ll probably have to do similar things, get blood other than that of your patients on your hands. So why? Why risk everything like this?”

Glenwing held her gaze for a time before lowering his eyes to the table. With a fingertip he rearranged the pictures, aligning the edges so that they fanned out and displayed a gruesome line of war wounds over the years. “…I’m not much older than you are, you know.”

“…Pardon?”

His lips twisted up slightly in sad eyed grin. “I was eighteen when the Fall began. My father was a healer, my mother a warrior.” Gently, with the back of a fingernail, he dragged out one of the pictures, the one of the ragged stab wound to the abdomen that sent Arya back to Ellesméra most recently. “She died of an injury similar to this one. That’s what they told me at least.” Glenwing raised his eyes to meet Arya’s, gauging her reaction to his next words. “She was in the final group that the King led. My father died beside her as he tried to heal her. They were bathed in dragonfire. Nothing to bury.

“I watched my father treat wounds like all of these as the injured returned. He never stopped trying to help, down to the last second of his life, and mother never stopped fighting for our people.” He spread his hands out. “I cannot sit by knowing that I could do the same.”

The he paused. “And there is another thing.”

Arya swallowed. The mention of her father and the battle that had felled not only him but Glenwing’s parents as well made her mouth go dry. The final moments of the conflict before Galbatorix hunted Vrael always did. “Oh?”

“You said that I should go home if I was to report on your condition to the Queen. I cannot return home, which only leaves obeying your orders and remaining as your medic my only option.”

Glenwing’s feral, bared tooth smile shocked a flash of familiarity and kinship through Arya’s mind. She had seen that smile on her own face before, that wild unrestrained drive to right the wrongs of the world, to take on war and violence so that others could be at peace, tenuous as it was.

“You see, Arya…I was born in Ilirea. With Galbatorix on the throne, I have no home to return to.”

~~~

To Queen Islanzadí, Your Majesty.

After a lengthy consult with the combat liaison I have been assigned, it has come to my attention that the mentioned patient, Arya, house of none, is against the sharing of medical information beyond a set of predetermined ailments and injuries. As I am bound first to act in the best interest of my patient, I must oblige by her requests. Arya has also indicated that any sharing of information without her consent would result in her refusing any treatment or healing by my hand, which has further forced this issue as she has displayed sufficient aptitude for wards that would block any of my attempts to heal her if the conditions presented were broken in any way.

However, Arya has agreed to allow the sharing of some small yet vital pieces of information concerning her health as seen fit. Thus, any injury resulting in amputation, permanent blindness or hearing loss, traumatic brain damage, complete mind breaking or death will be reported. Arya has impressed on me that she will continue to aid the Varden in the event of non-lethal injuries, and any report of the previous wounds will also include an evaluation on how she can continue to aid the Varden in her current state.

I apologize that I cannot carry out the full extent of your orders. Unfortunately, it is clear that any deviation from the agreed upon conditions that Arya has set would likely result in severe injury to Arya’s person and would constitute reckless and wanton disregard for my patient’s safety and health on mine. I cannot in good conscience go against her wishes, nor can I do so if my conscience were to tolerate it. Arya has forced me to agree to these conditions in the Ancient Language, and I cannot break my oath.

I continue to serve to the best of my ability, and will do my utmost to ensure Arya’s health is taken care of.

May the stars watch over you.

Yours in service,

Glenwing of House Svanran.

Islanzadí folded the letter again, put her elbows on her desk, and allowed herself a long, frustrated sigh.

Leave it to Arya to ferret out her reasoning for accepting Glenwing’s offer and so quickly appeal to the young elf’s sense of ethical duty. A political force the Queen’s daughter was not, but she still had a knack for picking up on a person’s true motives and finding ways to fit them around her own.

However, this was faster than anticipated. Maybe this Glenwing’s true motives weren’t what he presented to Islanzadí at all. There had been something about his energy that seemed familiar. The Queen now recognized it as a glimmering thread of that determination and wild resolve that Arya so openly displayed.

But what to do now? Islanzadí rubbed her temples, a headache coming on. She knew that there was little she could threaten them with if she ordered Glenwing to return to Ellesméra. The young elf had volunteered after all, and even under duress Islanzadí doubted she could convince any other elf as skilled as he was to abandon their calm life in Du Weldenvarden for years of conflict and uncertainty outside the forest’s protective stands. And she couldn’t just call him back and not send a replacement, not with the state Arya had been in when she finally made it back to Ellesméra. What little Oromis had told the Queen of her wayward daughter’s injuries past and present clearly indicated that an attached medic was a necessity if there was any hope of Arya making it through the war alive.

So what to do….

The clatter of talons on well-polished wood sent a cascade of jolts through Islanzadí’s burgeoning headache, the pops and clicks that followed doing nothing to help the pain.

“The latch is open, Blagden.” The Queen leaned back in her chair and massaged her forehead as the white raven swooped in. Blagden alighted on the desk with a gentle flap of his wings to slow his speed and cocked his head at her, looking smug as he always did. He parted his beak slightly. “Don’t you say i–”

“Wyrda!”

Even as the Queen winced at the cried word the raven flipped a small, densely folded paper onto the desk with a flourish of his leg. He pecked at it twice before fluttering to his carved stand on the back of the chair, settling in before starting his usual fastidious preening.

Confused, Islanzadí picked up the folded note. It hadn’t been but an hour since Glenwing’s letter had arrived, but the glyph that graced the fold of this paper was the one Arya always used. Blagden must have dropped it while flying and went back to retrieve it. The Queen unfolded it with a hint of trepidation in her heart, as always accompanied any correspondence with her banished child.

The young elf’s handwriting had started to take on a sharper shape, but was no less bold in its strokes. It still held the same familiar base that reminded Islanzadí so much of those days that Arya would scamper into her mother’s study and throw notes of love for her mother and records of her daily adventures onto the desk before scampering out, giggling as she departed for her next escapade. All those notes still sat in the drawer to Islanzadí’s left, bittersweet.

The headache throbbed, chasing away the memories. The Queen focused in again, and was somewhat surprised to find only a few short sentences.

Stars watch over you.

Good medic. Intelligent, can toe lines if needed. Fixed a scar issue in short order. I like this one. Requesting permanent assignment.

~ Arya of Du Weldenvarden, combat liaison officer

Islanzadí frowned slightly as she caught sight of a different handwriting in the bottom corner. It was Glenwing’s, and she couldn’t help but chuckle as she read it aloud. “Please?”

Maybe this Glenwing would be a good influence after all. With that in mind, and the comfort of Arya now less likely to return maimed (or not at all), Islanzadí picked up her pen.

Granted. May the stars watch over you. Queen Islanzadí.

#Modern Inheritance #inheritance cycle #eragon #modern inheritance stories #the cyclists #Ket's Modern Inheritance Cycle #arya #glenwing #arya drottningu #islanzadi #world building #building glen's character pre-eragon #he's the 'adult' of the elf squad #Elf Squad Goals

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avi17 · 4 years ago

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Re: the nail

Hahaha so I haven’t actually talked much about AoR on here beyond reblogging things, but now I’m mad so you get A Rant. Spoilers ahead for the Dark Crystal Bestiary if you don’t have it yet (which I don’t, I’m not sure how people are getting it already but who knows)

----Spoilers past this line---

So as a few of you have probably seen, the new Bestiary book has some Skeksis and urRu bios in addition to all the stuff about creatures/plants/etc. This is all lovely, except for a detail they’ve thrown into skekGra’s. Apparently, the nail/bolt/whatever you want to call it that is driven into his skull is something he did himself, in order to “better attune his mind to the vibrations of the Crystal”?

Alright so first of all.

I think it goes without saying that the popular, honestly near-universal fanon is that this was something done to him by the other Skeksis. Most seem to think it was a punishment, a few have posited that it could have been more like an attempted lobotomy to try to cure him of what they would perceive as insanity. There’s a bunch of art of this, it’s referenced in a large percentage of fic about him, it’s the first, most logical answer given in most discussions I’ve seen. “He did it himself” was by a mile the least prevalent theory. Now I know the fans aren’t always right. And I’m not necessarily mad here that they messed up my headcanon personally- I always want more information about my fandoms, and I’m glad to have my hcs replaced by explanations that are interesting or make more sense than whatever I might have guessed. This, however, does not.

I could get past the idiocy of thinking that nailing a garden spike into your head will allow you to commune better with the planet- that could probably just be passed off as being done under the influence of hallucinogens. XD The book also mentions that binding his arms behind his back was something he also did himself, as penance for his earlier violence. That I could also get behind, on its own. But combined with the nail, that means that in response to skekGra’s betrayal of them and everything they stand for- possibly the greatest offense ever done against them- the Skeksis did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. A race known for delighting in gruesome punishments, who have chopped off hands and fed eyeballs to bugs for comparatively minor offenses- their response to this was to tell them to leave? Exile, for a character who didn’t want to be part of what they were doing anymore anyways- it’s barely even a consequence. That makes no sense, and is about as uninteresting and anticlimactic as that part of their backstory could be. Plus, the puppet show specifically depicts the Skeksis attacking them- you could argue that they punished them in a less permanent way, but again, this seems very out of character for a race known for gleefully maiming each other. And skekGra’s mini-puppet depicts him without the nail, while urGoh’s still has aesthetic elements like his hat, seeming to indicate that the nail isn’t something he considers part of himself, or is perhaps something he wishes wasn’t there. If it was something he did himself and was proud of, why wouldn’t it be there?

But also, even if it was intended as some sort of tool, driving a spike into your own head is still going to be painful, and we’re supposed to believe that he knowingly did that to not only himself, but also to urGoh? When he is the ONLY Skeksis who would actually care if he caused harm to his Mystic half? Permanently binding his arms would likely also be painful and eventually damaging. I just don’t buy that he would find either of the reasons this book gave to be justification enough to do these things to himself with the knowledge that he would also be hurting urGoh. A lot of people also have posited that the nail, in addition to the drugs, might be a contributing factor in some of his erratic behavior, as it would basically be a traumatic brain injury. This, again, both makes more sense and is more interesting than “it’s basically nothing, he just felt like it.”

There’s more I could say, but it’s likely to just devolve further into keysmashing. This may very well have always been their intent with that part of the design, but I wish they’d just never told us, because it’s almost insultingly mundane, and kills one of the most compelling parts of the characters’ backstories that so many fans have expanded upon in such amazing ways. We’re told that the Skeksis cast him out and branded him Heretic, but it’s pretty both disappointing and seemingly unlikely for it to turn out that that’s really ALL they did. It’s just a case where it feels like we’ve ended up thinking about it way more than the people who actually made it, and that’s always a really big bummer. -unimpressed trombone noise-

Thankfully it’s fanfic and therefore we have the option to completely ignore it.

Art by @mystics-and-chill because we are both salty as hell.

#dark crystal #age of resistance #dark crystal: age of resistance #skekgra #urgoh #;alkdjf;a

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 3 years ago

Note

Are you going to finish the Tiny Virgil AU? Cause the last chapter ended on a cliffhanger. If you don't feel like finishing the whole thing, you could maybe give us bullet points of what was supposed to happen?

Ahaha whoops, I kinda forgot that fic. at the rate I'm going, it'll take like ten years for that or any of my other fics to get finished. Tbh, I actually have a whole outline for that one? Acantha (@theeternalspace) and I brainstormed the rest ages ago and then I took our thoughts and bullet-outlined it out.

The thing is? Like, emotionally I want to hold onto my thoughts and finish it, but if I am to be completely honest, realistically it probably won't happen. Because I wanna prioritize Gibbous over it and all.

so tldr: I'd like to write more installments, but in the case I never finish it and/or you don't care about spoilers, check the read more for what happens.

warnings: hurt/comfort, crying, morally grey sides (all sides are present so beware idk its been awhile im not up to date with how the fandom handles this sorta thing)

Chapter 5

Anx cant believe he forgot about Thomas!

He was so caught up in Creativity wanting to play with him, he's forgotten about his whole purpose

He goes to the real world, worried about all the things that could've befallen his host without his guidance

Anx is confused to be faced with adult Morality and another...side?

"Thomas?"

Thomas is big, Anx is not

This can't be real, can it? How can he protect Thomas like this?

Roman shows up, but the damage is dealt (Ro and Pat converse a bit)

Virge starts panicking and panics even more when he sees Thomas affected by it

Ro & Pat try to comfort Virge but no use

It's Thomas who gets to him. Who is...helping? Why?

"Wh-why are you so nice? I'm bad, I hurt you--I do bad things."

Thomas looks sad at that. He tries to explaining that he doesnt think Virge is bad, he can be good

Virge doesnt really understand but at the same time...Thomas loves him??

Thomas offers him a hug and he accepts it. Still so confused but at least his host loves him.

Chapter 6

Virgil ends up tuckered up in Thomas' arms

"Crying is exhausting, don't like it" He complains to Roman.

"I know. You've been very brave, little prince."

It's not that late but Thomas seems nervous. "I should go to bed." (Basically feels like if he doesnt adhere to his childhood bedtime, he'll get in trouble aka lil Virgil's influence)

Patton asks if he'd like for him to accompany him and Thomas nods

Roman and Virgil end up back in the mindscape with Patton promising to follow soon after

Roman tucks him into bed

Patton comes back, looking tired, and both Roman and Patton agree to talk with Logan in the morning about things

in the morning with Virgil still asleep, Lo, Pat and Ro talk briefly

Logan shares some theories (Age regression maybe?)

Patton tells them what's up with Thomas

Roman decides to bother the Dark Sides. "If this happened before in the past, they would know, wouldn't they? And if they're behind it this time then I can get them to stop it"

They decide to have Patton look out for Thomas again and for Logan to watch over Virgil while Roman ventures out to the Dark Sides

Chapter 7

Logan mulls over what is happening

Grateful that Thomas is going to bed early at least

He is not worried, he is Logic

Tries focusing hard on his book

Virgil wakes up, disappointed to see Logan and not Roman

Roman ventures through the dark mindscape

infodump detail on how it differs vs. the regular mindscape, quiet, silence nobody is around

"HELLO" Roman screams as his brother pops up

"What do I owe brother dear for this visit?"

Virgil is worried about Roman, but Logan placates him a bit

The two end up doing a puzzle

During which Virgil randomly hugs Logan

When Logan asks why, Virgil explains "You're scared. Hugs make me feel less scared"

Logan thanks him for the sentiment but insists he is not scared

"You're scared, I can feel it. It's okay, I get scared lots of times so you don't have to." Virgil says

And then Logan's fear dissipates

He stares at Virgil, shocked, because did tiny virge take his fear away??

And if so, if tiny virge knows how to do this, has adult Virgil been doing it without them knowing??

Chapter 8

"I know you did it" Roman growls. It makes sense really. Remus did random things for sh*t and giggles

Remus blinked "Oh! You found out about ____, didn't you?"

"What no!" Roman says, disgusted. "I'm talking about Virgil."

"Wait, you think I did it with Virgil? Mr. Emo?"

"NO!" Roman snaps. "Stop playing dumb!"

The two have a scuffle, ending up with Remus having a sword at Ro's throat (who is stuck in green goop)

"I really don't know what you mean." Remus says, "What is it exactly do you think I did again?"

Logic must hate him, Anx thinks, otherwise why would he be looking strangely at him?

but its okay, even if it really really really hurts, Anx has done it before and would do it again to keep from any of them feeling pain

He asks if Anx took his fear away and he nods

surely this must be a happy thing but Logic seems even more upset

the fear grappling tiny virge is foreign. It's so different than fears he's taken before. He finds himself drowning in it. he doesnt quite understand most of it. But there's fears about himself, Logic being scared for him, not of him. (basically oh boy adult fears are much harder to process for a child Anxiety)

Logic grips his hand and asks for his fears back

"I can't" Tiny Virge says, shaking like a leaf

Logan asks it again. Virge shakes his head "I can't, I--I don't know how!"

He really doesnt know how. Usually he just holds it all in until it explodes.

Logic echoes some of what the fear is telling him, that Logic cares for him. And weirdly, it means a lot for him to hear that Logic actually cares.

But noooo he must only care because of Thomas, right?

Anyways this is resolved somehow idk lmao and then Logan is called to help with Thomas

Virgil promises Lo he'll be okay, not wanting to stop him from being able to help their host

Logan promises he'll back momentarily

Virgil squeezes Zola and tries his best to stay calm

Previously on Rem and Ro

Roman spills the beans on whats up

Deadbeat silence

Remus then babbles about how he has no clue what Roman is talking about, but is super intrigued and wants to check this out for himself

He sinks out as Roman grabs onto his ankle, but isn't enough to stop him from sinking out.

Chapter 9

"Hiya!"

Little Anx squeaks, shadows gathering at his feet, ready to strike at....

A Green-Dressed Creativity? He dresses fancily like him.

"Princey?"

Green laughs. "No, I'm The Duke! Princey's my brother!"

And Lil Virge is kinda confused but rolls with it because Creativity pretending to be someone else/splitting himself into two is a very Creativity thing to do and isn't too worried about it.

Roman shows up, fuming

However, because of Virgil, he has to play nice

They end up having a pretend tea party

Roman finds himself shocked that Remus is decent with kids? Or at least a Kid Anxiety??

He still says outrageous things but Virge giggles at them (Basically kids really have no baseline for moral right-or-wrong, they find talk of murder funny)

Roman feels a bit guilty/regretful realizing he never played much with Remus growing up

Eventually, Logan pops up slightly frazzled

He's relieved to see the twins there looking after Virgil

Explains the situation w/ Thomas to Roman while Remus and Virgil play

Patton pops up, looking slightly weary, leading Roman and Logan to insist he take a day off from watching Thomas

Upon seeing Logan & Patton, Virgil runs up to hug Logan, but shies away from Patton

Patton tries to hide his disappointment about this

Remus tries to leave upon seeing Lo and Pat are here

but Virge clings to him, insisting he stays

The Others agree, and Remus perks up a bit.

Somewhere, there's a discussion about Virge again, late at night?

Logan reveals Virgil taking fears from him

At some point it's decided to leave Janus out of it as it's unknown how little Virge would react to him and the fact that Janus most likely knows what's up and has chosen to stay out of it

It's decided that Remus and Roman will traverse the Imagination to see if there's a solution there

Logan will be with Thomas

Meanwhile Patton will look after Virgil

Chapter 10

Patton's POV

Little Virge is upset about both Remus and Roman leaving

they try to placate him but it does little. (Telling him how they'll stay safe and they don't want him going because they want to keep him safe)

Patton's heart breaks but he has to holds back Virge.

Eventually the two have heart-to-heart

Apparently the two had a classic childhood spat, that means a lot to Virge even tho poor Pat doesnt remember the spat at all.

Pat tells them they're the best of friends now, even shows him evidence

Virge feels a little better

Sees a snake stuffy in Pat's room, asks about Dee

Patton deflects

The two end up making cookies together

The Imagination is a bust, although the twins return squabbling in a good mood

And Remus has a "present" for Virgil, who delights in it.

They chat, when suddenly Virgil screams

Chapter 11

Virgil's POV

He's been trying his best to stay calm, to hold back the anxiety gained from Logan and also the other fears swelling inside of him

But it's too much, and push comes to shove. A burning sensation occurs

And it explodes

He has a panic attack and realizes it extends into the real world

Overwhelmed and upset, he runs off.

He runs off to his hideaway and sits there

Getting bombarded with fears

He's there for what feels like hours when--

"Oh my dear Anxiety" A crooning, unfamiliar yet familiar voice says

Virgil looks, surprised, to see Deceit!! There's a lot more scales and he's wearing a funny outfit but it's him

He is happy to see him albeit sobbing into his capelet because of what happened.

Dee holds onto him going, “Shhhh everything’s alright. Shhh it’s not your fault. It’s my fault, I’m sorry—“ and Virgil interrupts shrieking it can’t be his fault, because in his mind Dee would never do anything bad and it hurts Dee to know that young Virge has so much faith in him.

"You'll hate me" But Little Virge refuses to accept that. "You're lying, you don't mean that"

"Okay, you caught me. "We stay best friends forever" OR something along those lines

Dee convinces him to bring back to the others, that they don't hate him

When they return, the others "freaking out" is a mild understatement.

Dee slowly produces tiny Virge out of his capelet.

Hisses at them to keep their distance because crowding Virge will only freak him out

Apologies and misunderstandings are made clear

Thomas summons all of them and they all have a sleepover

Virgil falls asleep snuggled between Remus and Dee

Chapter 12

Maybe Roman's POV?

Along with Thomas, they have a discussion

Dee waits a bit, before revealing that he's behind the reason for Virge's current state.

As his role Deceit, he has access to both truth and lies. One lie is that Virgil believes his kid self died and is no longer a part of him--attempting to actively repress those memories

He then points out the childish aspects of each side's function. (Maybe Logan input something about growing up and stuff)

P: "But why would Virgil think this?" J: "oh gee, I wonder why. It isn't like he was made to feel like an outcast from a very young age or anything"

Instant Guilt for all

Anyways Dee explains some mishap occurred, thus reverting Virgil back to this state

You get the sense Janus isn't telling the whole truth.

Janus says he has a way to fix things, and that's when there's a noise

"Anx?"

Virge is there, standing incredibly still, slightly heavy breathing

"Anx, it's okay, we're not upset"

Little Virge heard everything and is upset but he understands

He knows Thomas needs big him, and the others reassure him that they'll be there for him, each having a small moment with him

Then he starts glowing brightly, causing them all to be alarmed, Janus included

Chapter 13

Virgil is back and boiiiiiii is he freaked the heck out

The Others including Thomas are all there, F*CK how can he ever recover after they saw him like that?

He's both embarrassed and mortified

Not to mention it hurts to have two sets of childhood memories rattling inside his head. One that was lonely and painful, and the other that was happy but fake

He snaps at Janus and ends up fleeing in his room

He doesn't duck out

He cant do that

He just doesnt....go out. He doesn't want to hear the jokes start. He doesnt want the babying or the pitying to start.

He does his job and that is that.

(inwardly he knew this would happen, but not like this)

They try summoning him (Thomas included) but he wont come out. His door is locked.

Patton slips a note under the door but Virge refuses to look at it.

Blares MCR

Somehow Zola appears in his room, and he'd like to tear it apart or something, but he can't help but squeeze the stuffed bat tight and cry for the childhood that never was.

A week passes, and there's a very sad prince at his door

Virgil ends up letting him in because look, he's not a monster

it's very...awkward at first

but they eventually have a heart-to-heart and some snarky banter

and Virgil is very confused when Princey feels the need to apologize to him

They also discuss Janus and Virgil very reluctantly agrees to talk to him

Virgil ends up talking with Janus over tea

Janus doesn't really look at him, staring at his teacup as he explains himself

and dammit, Janus has hurt him (but then again so has Virgil hurt Janus)

But a part of him really misses him. A part of him that has always missed him.

Janus explains he just wanted to know where he went wrong in their friendship, that he went the round-about way because knew Virgil wouldn't talk to him but messed with things he shouldnt and accidentally caused Virgil to revert to the age before their friendship started fraying by accident.

He admits that he almost wanted to leave Virgil that age, to take advantage of it as a way to start again, but ultimately couldnt let himself take advantage of virgil in that way

He also apologizes, telling Virgil "Showing weakness isn't bad. I told you once that you had to stay strong and not let anyone see it, but I was wrong" and that he understands if Virgil doesnt accept his apology right away or if ever

And Virgil doesnt completely accept, not yet, but he's willing to try

It ends happily with them going down to dinner with the others. (possibly Virgil having moments with the others??)

the end

BONUS, Written Scene from Chapter 11 w/ Virge's and Janus's reunion because I was self-indulgent and wrote ahead

“Oh my dear Anxiety,” A silky voice croons, so achingly familiar.

He sniffles, raising his head to meet eyes with the much older face of his best friend; Deceit. It has to be, there is no other side whose left side of face is reptilian in nature. He’s crouching beside Virgil, only one set of arms present at the moment. He’s wearing a funny outfit, but then Deceit has always dressed funny, just like Creativity. Neither of them have ever been worried about standing out.

“Dee!” Anxiety cries out, all but flinging himself onto the older side. The velocity of it flattens the two onto the ground, with Deceit letting a small grunt from the impact. He’d be more worried about possibly hurting Deceit if he wasn’t too busy bawling his eyes out into the strange cape Deceit is wearing.

Deceit strokes his hair, so soft and gentle. Then two sets of arms hoist Anxiety upwards, settling him onto Deceit’s lap. Deceit hugs Anxiety, cocooning him in a warm embrace. For a moment, everything feels normal again. As if they’re all kids still and Anxiety had sought Deceit for comfort after a bad nightmare.

Then Deceit speaks, saying words meant to be comforting. They are comforting at first, until Deceit says things that don’t make sense. And Anxiety knows Deceit is a liar, that he says things that aren’t true. But he knows when Deceit isn’t lying. They’re best friends after all.

“Shhh, it’ll be alright. Shhh, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I hurt you and I’m--”

“No!”

“No?” Deceit repeats.

“No, it--it--you didn’t do anything bad, you wouldn’t!” Anxiety says, nearly shrieking, “You’d never, ever, hurt me. We’re best friends and best friends don’t do that.”

A strange, choking noise erupts from Deceit. Anxiety looks to see Deceit’s human eye glistening. His best friend’s lips quiver, like Anxiety gets when he gets too scared to speak. Except Deceit is never scared. He always knows what to say in a situation, confident in ways Anxiety could never be.

“Oh, I’ve forgotten what you were like at this age,” Deceit whispers, so low that Anxiety thinks he wasn’t meant to hear it. Then Deceit shakes his head, a weird laugh escaping him. “You’re going to hate me, Anx. Or rather, you’re going to hate me more after this is all over.”

“You’re lying,” Anxiety accuses, his fingers tightening around the fabric of Deceit’s cloak, “You don’t mean that. I love you, Dee, you’re my best friend and--and...Big Me is still best friends with you, right?!”

Deceit inhales sharply, as if there’s something stuck in his throat. Before Anxiety can even grow concerned for his well being, he breaths out a long dramatic sigh.

He rolls his eyes, smirking, “Alright, you caught me.”

“I did?”

“Yes. I was only lying to scare you out of crying,” Deceit assures him, “I didn’t mean to scare you into thinking we weren’t best friends still. Of course we are.”

“G-good,” Anxiety huffs, “don’t scare me like that, Dee, I don’t like it!”

“I won’t do it again, I promise,” Deceit says, his smirk fading a bit as he takes on a somber expression, “it still isn’t your fault for what happened, Virg--Anxiety. Neither I or any of the others think it is. They certainly despise you for it.”

“Despise?” Anxiety’s heart jumps a bit, “Oh! You mean...you’re saying...they don’t despise me?”

“I don’t know,” Deceit raises an eyebrow, “Why don’t you try reaching out? See what their fears tell you.”

Anxiety closes his eyes, sticking his tongue out in concentration. If he thinks super hard, he can envision everyone's fears like spider webs, branching all over the mindscape, interconnected in some ways and in others, completely disconnected in each side's little corner.

And he is the itsy bitsy spider, that scuttles about and maintains the webs to some degree. Because a little bit of fear is good, it helps keep Thomas alive. So he traces the webs and searching for what Dee suggested. There is one thread present, in every nook and cranny of the web, he searches, even in the splinter-offs. One fear that repeats and loops through the whole network that he has never seen before.

"Oh." Anxiety breathes, eyes widening. They're not afraid of him. They're afraid for him, worried about his safety and wellbeing. Anxiety doesn't know what to think of that.

#kat answers #anon #tiny virge au #and yeah this is basically how I outline fics and stuff sorry im not too funny unlike some others in their outlines

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laryna6 · 3 years ago

Text

One of those ‘A Christmas Carol’-based fics with Saotome Eiji.

Kyousuke’s dad appearing warning of the demons of the Sanzu river and the measuring of karma that awaits the dead, and Saotome going ‘I must have fallen asleep/that’s a foreign Buddhist thing’ because of the... heavy pushing of a... propagandized version of Shinto as part of Japanese nationalism building up to WWII.

Instead of Christmas it’s Obon (a festival of Buddist/Confucian origin) ofc.

To fit with ‘the idea that people have to earn the right to live is effed up’ from the original, perhaps as a child he was sent to an orphanage bc his family couldn’t feed him? The additional damage of not knowing who your ancestors were in a culture practicing ancestor worship.

Other students of psychic research inviting him to hang out at the university but he wanted to get an officer position in the army, so needing to avoid undesirable elements.

Saotome’s present day obon, Kyousuke who was raised in China being taught about Shinto because as a half-Chinese person on top of an esper in an era of nationalism... they worry about the kid and he might be safer if he do all the ‘I am a loyal subject of the emperor’ signaling. Two of the espers in the unit canonically come from traditional priesthood families and have OPINIONS about what these motherfucking nationalists are doing to corrupt and twist everyone’s spirituality and traditions and their sense of connection to their families and their people and the land. Making shinto priests government officials?!

Saotome going they’re not proper LoyalTM to the army and Japan

Spirit #2 going ‘was the army ever loyal to them?’

Fujiko and her father discussing how their family is nobility and the need for the nobiiity to give up power and instead bring about democracy if Japan was going to escape being conquered and exploited by imperialists like the countries around them.

Fujiko going ‘but the warrior classes all got positions in the military, and now we’re a military dictatorship and Japan has just become one more imperialist power, it’s disgusting and her father going absolutely, and discussion of duty to their ancestors and their country foreshadowing Fujiko making a choice that according to traditional morality and the noble code of conduct was ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLY HORRIBLY WRONG to the point of disgracing her entire family line because what kind of people could have produced a traitor like that... but because of it in the modern day Japan is the second least awful country in how it treats espers.

Then spirit #3, and Saotome going ‘I’ve seen the precogs, espers going to war with normals, Kyousuke betraying the country/me to serve a queen’

And then it’s the younger queen and two other girls going ‘Minamoto we want to go to a festival with you’ while a harried man basically shoos them out the door with a broom and goes ‘go! Your families want to see you! Here are your boxed lunches and snacks for the trip’ and the girls are espers who use their powers to get to their normal families. the queen and her big sister get in a wrestling match over the cookies and only belatedly realize their mom’s eaten them all while commentating while they dress for the festival. another girl and her normal father engage in some police brutality towards festival pickpockets as bonding. the third girl, at least, is traditional and proper even if she’s performing a ceremony that comes from non-Japanese origins (and yet... it’s still a tradition that ties them to their ancestors and the gods and who they are, and Shinto says that tradition is sacred, it doesn’t say that traditions that first came from outside aren’t sacred)

The man is following his mother around as she chatters with everyone and gets up to shenanigans at the festival. ‘Father couldn’t make it again’ mentioning a grandmother who used to stay with him at these. Looking up at the sparks rise above the fire to send the dead home, lonely even though he’s surrounded by people in his hometown... and then he gets tackled by the three girls demanding he take photos with them while they’re all in kimonos

And then it switches to someone announcing That Bastard is finally dead. Far from the land he was born, with no one in the country he served who cares to claim his body ‘so we should send someone to pretend to be a relative’ and someone declaring that this is now a formal meeting because while obviously they all want to desecrate his grave, they are going to do it in an organized fashion that reflects the gravity of his crimes and pays respects to his innocent victims and continuing victims of that bastard’s legacy of murder and hatred. Eggs and toilet paper are not up for discussion is said with a pointed look at another man, who whines ‘big bro!’

This is the most diverse group of people Saotome has ever seen, people from all over the world united in their hatred of someone who gets referred to with several different languages’ curse words.

And then someone walks in and goes ‘here you are, okay, what are you up to? I’ve been raising kids for half a century, I know that when you’re all quiet and busy somewhere you’re up to no good’ and it’s Kyousuke. The guy who went ‘big bro’ gets his ear twisted, and whines ‘dad!’

It’s revealed that ‘that bastard’ is someone who hurt Kyousuke, who they’re protective of like the unit is (he still looks so young...) but when he gets it out of them he’s no! and there is a whine of ‘dad! He shot you!’ ‘I know’ *bullet scar revealed* ‘I’m the one he shot, so I get to decide what to do with him’

Kyousuke lifting away a sheet to reveal a body old and twisted and crippled. And Saotome’s. Kyousuke is blank an solemn... and sad.

Going through the Shinsosai funeral rites, all foreign Buddhist influences removed as he would have wanted, and maybe there’s a reason the people of Japan for centuries were happy to have Buddhists to help them usher their families into the next world, because he can see the weight of the kegare on him, how Kyousuke mourns him, is the only one who mourns him. Eventually a woman who treats Kyousuke as both an embarrassing younger brother and as a respected father comes to help, to cheer him up, even though she despises Saotome too, for hurting him.

A picture of the unit, in Kyousuke’s family shrine. ‘Now everyone in this photograph but Fujiko is dead... He took my family from me, but he, too, was family.’

Then he grabbed the woman, teleported, and dragged her down with him into the ocean for purification.

...then Kyousuke goes to bully the man from before, who is arguing with the three girls about how yes, they are sleepy, Kaoru nearly flew them into the ground getting home, while making them all tea before he shoves them into their bedroom. When he turns around Kyousuke has stolen the cup that was supposed to be for him, and the man at first automatically raises his hackles, but then looks sympathetic.

Kyousuke looks away, annoyed and pouting, at sympathy from this person.

‘...If I try to comfort you you’re going to shove my head in the toilet again,’ the man says, getting himself another cup of tea.

‘Absolutely’ Kyousuke agrees.

Silence, and eventually Kyousuke says, ‘at first I thought you were his reincarnation, even though he would have been offended at the idea of him reincarnating. Then I found he was with the Comericans, had been since the war, and I thought, it would have been better if he was you. Not for the Queen. But for him. If I hadn’t failed to avenge my comrades back then, he could have moved on to a better life or the otherworld. Not been forced to live on a failure and a pawn in a foreign land, unable to return home. He was a proud man.’ Looking down at his tea, ‘when I met him again, he asked me to kill him.’

‘..in the precog, I know there’s a nuke on the way when I shoot Kaoru,’ the man says, and now Saotome knows where he’s seen him. ‘even though I want to kill her so she can’t leave again and I want it enough to kill her before she stops that nuke from destroying Tokyo, I still know that I have to die for this. I’m just getting the order wrong. I should die before I do that. Having to live with what I do in that precog would be a fate worse than death.’

‘That was why I erased his memories that day. He... there was no point in him continuing to suffer. None of us would have wanted that for him. I thought... didn’t he know our feelings? That we were loyal to him, that we didn’t mind dying for him? And then I saw that he truly didn’t recognize our feelings. Because he didn’t know what it looked like, to recognize when people truly cared for him. But he cared for us, and so when he thought that espers would turn against normals, that it was impossible for us to ever care for him... Those damn precogs. They broke his heart before he put a bullet through mine.’

‘Maybe... next obon?’

a shake of the head. ‘he thought it was too foreign. It’s fine, our comrades will beat sense into him in the afterlife.’ Kyousuke drank the rest of his tea.

‘..Some of the parts of the traditional ceremony... PANDRA loves you, but I think that would have made it hard to force them to cooperate,’ the man said. “I don’t want to hear words honoring him either, but you like to do things I don’t want.’

‘What, are you going to give me condolences for his loss?”

‘I can honestly say that I am very sorry he’s dead, because it means I will never get to strangle him,’ the man vigorously throttled the air, going from kind and patient to a man more than capable of shooting a young woman in love with him, and back, ‘from turning you from such a sweet, good little kid into the godawful brat I have had to deal with.’

Kyousuke snorted.

“Do you want another cup of tea, or a cup of milk?”

“Milk.” Kyousuke said, and when the man was on his way to open a white door, he began, “Utsumi-san said that he graduated first in his class, but he had no family and no background. The esper unit was his proposal, so when he told us that we could serve our country and be accepted, he wagered his own future on the chance that ours could be happy. Utsumi said later that he never trusted Saotome-Taicho, because he knew he didn’t truly care for us. I asked once why he didn’t warn us, if he knew that, but... Utsumi knew his heart, so he knew that Saotome-taicho also was different, was desperately wishing to prove he was valuable enough to accept. He knew what bait to dangle before us because it was the exact same lure that led him to the army. We all wanted him to have that happy future, along with us.’

#zettai karen children #hyoubu kyousuke #saotome eiji #minamoto kouichi #all of the bunnies #I want to turn this into fic but aargh so much work

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