#THE FACT T T. THAT I GET TO SAY 'AGAIN
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i dont hacw a captiong. fro this. im. img. gjust oh. wow
#personal#thi s sis what it feels slike. happy#oh my nana ojhy y mawhan oh n2oww. kkgmg khog im cant t. thjnk straight tim. so. nohhhb wow#THE FACT T T. THAT I GET TO SAY 'AGAIN#to t this. he. s at on3 of my insta stories. AGAIN??$#oh ymy tkod. what. jjwhb
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Okay, like . . . it was one thing when they did their little retcon of Edgeworth's evidence forging in 1-5 because he was such a popular character and I guess they felt that having him be someone who could've once forged evidence to get wins would diminish that (even though he was already popular, and also we all remember that sus as hell "updated autopsy report" in 1-2, like get real), but are they REALLY trying to say that Manfred didn't forge evidence either, that his penalty wasn't deserved, that it was actually Excelsius Winner who was the forger all along? Really? Why? What is the purpose of this? Do they think Edgeworth and Franziska couldn't be upstanding if their teacher was a slimebucket? Because a.) neither of them were at first (updated autopsy report, illegal detention center photos), and b.) that's just not how that works regardless.
Man. This game series, man. I just don't always jive with the choices it makes.
#like personally the fact that Edgeworth has so much character development is WHY he's my favorite prosecutor#he was a dick to Mia in 3-4 to the point of making misogynistic comments! (tho T&T is chock full of misogyny so—)#and he learned from MvK how to manipulate witness testimony! AND forge evidence to get what he wanted!#he didn't necessarily do it every case perhaps — but again a second autopsy report that conveniently helps him? be fr#but like he CHANGES. he GROWS. he doesn't make a single misogynistic comment in the present day#he stops forging evidence. stops manipulating testimony. starts helping the defense. is willing to do anything for the truth#starting him at the bottom makes where he ends up that much better because it's a longer climb!!!#and Franziska gets it too tbh!! she goes from taking illegal detention center photos#& manipulating witness testimony & even saying in AAI1 that all that matters is winning to saying she wants the truth in AAI2!!!#she learns! she grows!! and that only matters bc she starts at the bottom beech!!#so retcons aren't necessary. and with MvK they really aren't bc he's fucking dead so no growth is possible#and anyway what he did isn't really smth forgivable so like ���♀️ what is even the point i ask again#anyway#aai2 spoilers#ace attorney
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Computer, enhance
It feels silly to admit but I cannot describe what this did for certain parts of my mental health
(If any able bodied folks who stopped masking as soon as it became convenient clown on this post you're getting whacked with the block-hammer, this is a post for my fellow cripples 💞) (general interaction is fine btw. i said 'clown' not 'reblog/comment/etc.')
#the ridicule I get sometimes for still masking#GOD FORBID I DONT WANNA LOSE T CELLS. LOSE BRAIN FUNCTION. OR GET LONG COVID WHICH HAPPENS REGARDLESS OF VAX STATUS#everyone once again say thank you taliesin jaffe#idgaf if it was only bc he had a cold or smth. the fact that he still takes it seriously is enough for me#cr#critical role#sorta#taliesin jaffe#own post
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'sabrina carpenter is soooo male gaze-y' okay name one female public figure who doesn't have to cater to the male gaze, at least to some extent, in order to maintain their position in the public eye. if you don't like her make-up or costumes that's fine but don't act like it's some salient feminist critique to say wearing lingerie makes you an instrument of patriarchy when every single female popstar has to conform to a certain standard of femininity to reach acclaim. there is certainly room for a convo about why we only listen to music and watch films when the women creatives involved have flawlessly styled hair and a full face of make-up and impracticable clothes on 25/8, and how these standards implicate women in general. but critiquing this one single individual woman for being an arbiter of patriarchy smacks of weirdness. like just say you don't like her hair and go we don't need to act like sabrina carpenter herself invented patriarchy
#something something culture of individualism something something eschewing investigating macro trends in presentation and consumption#and like i understand if the hyperfeminine aesthetic gives someone the ick. but unless you're grounding your critique in trends#in wider culture and normative standards your point doesn't hold any weight i'm sorry#expressing a certain degree of discomfort is fine but blaming this one individual woman for centuries of patriarchy is tew much for me#and like we can talk about how she uses her sexuality in her art. and how that involves ownership and expression of her individual sexualit#in a way that women at least haven't been encouraged to in recent decades (#(see 'slim pickins' and 'bed chem' for a start)#no sabrina carpenter singing about dick in the nonsense outros isn't going to single-handedly stop patriarchy in its tracks. but compared t#the current tradwife trend plagueing society and culture i think it's fair to say she is doing something positive when it comes to#representing agency in female sexuality#again it's fine if you don't like her music or god forbid the fact that she wears lingerie on stage like every other popstar since the dawn#of time but let's not get this confused with actual feminist criticism. coming from an ardent feminist ❤#.txt
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I have finished The M/entalist, a tv show that ended 10 years ago, a show that I'm sure no one else cares about, but that I am about to make my whole personality for at least 2 weeks as I have hyperfixated on it so hard I can barely breathe
so uhhhhhhhh anyways if anyone knows this show take this as an open invitation, or if not then consider this a formal warning that i may be reblogging things and screaming "P/ATRICK J/ANE" in the tags <3
#waterfalltalks#hi i am in LOVE with this man even tho hes like idk 30 years my senior#hes also fictional so <3 its fine <3 is what i tell myself <3 and its true <3 so its okay that i tell myself this <3#what can i say okay he hits EVERY one of my boxes and has a charming smile while he does it#literal sunshine but clouded with the most beautiful darkness like hello sir#also one canon and it wasnt the best and it wasnt a lot and it was from the back but you know what sometimes we starve#so the fact im not going completely without is good enough for me and i will live nicely in this world#i do not know if i will write for him but i cannot find ANYTHING for this man so i might have to just do it myself#will anyone else care? no. does that matter to me? nope hes my beloved and i want c o n t e n t#only thing stopping me rn is free time and confidence that i have his mannerisms down#maybe after i rewatch it <3 again <3 and watch many edits <3 and maybe make a few edits <3#anyways if you bothered to read this far uh- thank you? im sorry? dont mind me just losing it over my newest guy <3 you get how it is <3#(i hope <3) anyways yes thank you!! bye!! i will go sit in a corner and think about my man <3#not snz
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Roman Roy's last scene.
Love you forever you little weirdo♥
#Roman Roy#Succession#Succession HBO#Succession season 4#succession spoilers#I refuse to say I'm gonna miss him bc I can just go and rewatch any episode I want#But god I'll always mourn the fact that I'll never hear new weird sh*t coming out of that mouth ever again#(I'm coping ok?)#THE MARTINI THO#So many feels#Yeah he'll never get over her#And I rejoice#So cheers you little slime puppy🍸#Bc I'll never get over her either#Romangerri
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot
#digi discusses#the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it#did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it#the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off#becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him#but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory#the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE#its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too#every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry#every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning#being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye#oxenfree II spoilers#yeah there's the essay. just took a minute#i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home#he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better#what a liar he would still do it now#EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again
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I'm being interviewed tomorrow about my job at the library and there is both great fear and excitement in my heart
#why am i so nervous fr#like i'm going to mess up an interview by getting an answer wrong? doesn't make sense#ah maybe the anxiety spikes before a workday because i know for a fact that i will be misgendered at LEAST 15 times a day#at this point it's actually inexcusable and ridiculous and i'll probably have to take it to my other supervisor#....................................... but i want a good chance at getting this job again in the summer#literally though my supervisor has absolutely zero excuse. sometimes i correct her upwards of 5 times in the same minute#and miraculously she forgets as soon as she hears it#or on the off-chance she takes the correction and goes 'HE!' and slaps her forehead she immediately then says '...they!'#like no. not 'they'. no. that is not what i said. it might have been what i said 5 months ago (he/they) but explicitly not now.#the only way i can be clearer with her is if i be a giant asshole about it#being on T is making my patience for misgendering just collapse lol. when i hear 'she' i'm like ??? who?? are you dumb??#and then i remember most people just don't know lol. but those who DO have zero excuse now. zero.#tell you what. i'll keep a tally tomorrow and report back!
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I love watching videos of composers reacting to and talking about music. I get like 5% of it and forget everything that they say within one minute every time but it is entertaining
#for lack of a better word. i'm very dumb when it comes to music and stuff........#and not only when it comes to eg what makes up a song or how it all works#a fun thing about getting into kh again is seeing people go crazy go stupid over it. while i'm just here like 🧍♂️#it's not that i don't like. *feel* it or something. i just don't register it ??#eg the kh2 reunion. my ass would Not have picked up on the fact that dearly beloved plays during it had i not read about it#and even then it took me a while to actually hear it T-T#mytext#needless to say. i suck at rhythm games as well ahdkfkgkgk#but outside of games or other stuff irl Music Uncle tells me i'm great at keeping the rhythm so what's up with that......#i guess music with lyrics registers differently to me ???????#music
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getting motivated to work on that kaokana fic finally and i have added like 1k this week.... so much progress for me i'm so happy
#not writing#shay speaks#not guaranteeing the next chapter will be soon i'm still unsure#of when i want to end this one and start the next#but this one is only like.... 2k words right now?#okay google docs says its 1.4k words rn so yeah#we are making progress i'm hoping to get 4k or so at least before i decide to start ch4#and then i have to edit it and all that jazz obviously.... but augh i'm just happy to be working on this again#and i edited my bb fic a lot today since my beta has given feedback on like 7 pages of that#AND i quit my job at joanns so i should go back to working only 5 days a week instead of 6#and maybe i can get more motivation to write. i think part of why i'm writing more is the fact that i qui t aamfpdiosd#i am already feeling better knowing there is an end in sight to these 6 day weeks#my boss was chill about it she understands and i'm not going to like#slack off just bc i put in my 2 weeks#but yeah. thats my life update ig mapsdfiomsdpifodjs#big bang fic is looking very nice so far after edits and i'm excited to get that out#again its probably going to be split in two idk if i want to try and finish it before whenever i end up getting to post#mostly cuz like. idk i'm probably still like 4k out from finishing it and noooooo thank u. maybe another day#it's at the word count minimum though thats what matters
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if there is one thing i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that we'll never ever know the story behind transgressor yuri.
if there are two things i will never recover from with crestoria's crossover being gone for good, it's that leon and aegis' loyal friendship will never ever return.
#GTF Crestoria Things#it is rare for leon to be on that kind of respect level with someone let alone risk his own reputation as a traitor to let someone escape#by which i mean in destiny he only ever rly did that for stahn bc stahn was the ONLY person screaming over leon's suffering#and BEGGING him to talk to him and not take on everything alone#so i'd be hard pressed to say he truly made that last second decision for any other reason#other than stahn getting through to him bc if stahn hadn't said anything nobody else was all that worried abt doing so#for him to do that for aegis even in a setting where he wasn't going to be in mortal peril#still risked him becoming a transgressor if anyone had had time to record that#i.e. local dude helps local sinned traitor escape and is by association also a sinner#and that may have affected the ease of his search in restoring stahn to human form#which stahn prob would not have minded but it would still increase the difficulty for leon's search all the same#with yuri forget it im going to be permanently S T R E S S E D that we will never know that story#and i don't think they'd play into the possessed-not-really-yuri thing again after doing it in asteria#and in rays it was only a cameo thing. i fully believe that was actual yuri bc it would fit into his canon-mixed-with-crestoria#so unless the devs for some reason decide to tell us what their plans were for yuri we will never know#and it's been too long now since cresty went down like do i have to write this shit myself#they robbed me of transgressor yuri meeting vicious too woe is me cresty team#im still so desperate for them to turn crestoria back on like pls it's not just my crops anymore it's me too im also dead#i know they won't turn it back on and heck all the data for it is probably long since byebye BUT#even if i enjoy the manga it's not the same without the crossover#i would kill for them to give us that game back it was my fave gacha ever ;;#i say that with the full bias of the fact that i obliterated everything with default leon and completely maxed him in every aspect#but also just the fact that i want cresty's crossover back s o f u c k i n g b a d
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Chikage’s 3rd flair (the usual fanservice minichat one) has him talk about how the Spring troupe is trying to get information out of him, and yet that way he learns more about them and he enjoys getting to know more abut them, and then he turns to Izumi like “do you want to hear more about me? okay. lean me your ear” and then he gets EXTREMELY CLOSE TO THE CAMERA TO REALLY TRANSLATE THAT HE IS WHISPERING DIRECTLY TO HER EAR
and it’s to say how he prefers to eat his curry. he’s CLOWNING ME.
and then he ends up being all teasy because :) yeah it’s still learning about me! and it’s implied Izumi gets pouty because he replies something that a friend of mine translated "Well, there's no need to know in hurry. We'll be getting along for a long time, right?” but google translate translated the “getting along” part as “we’ll be in a long relationship after all”
and i’m
i’m having a moment.
#i usually kinda skip those and don't try to read them#bc my understanding of Japanese is really on the basis so far#but i skip them by tapping on the screen bc it's faster than reaching for the button skip#and SO SEEING HIM GET THIS CLOSE JUMPSCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME#so i tried to read through the rest and looked at a translator and then asked a friend who is fluent to help me make sure i got it right#and i got quickly the whole 'let me tell you a secret' *invades your personal space* *says something relatively silly*#LIKE it's STILL SOMETHING ABOTU HIM and it's sweet but it was clearly not what people were fishing for and he knows it!!#and I KNEW. I KNEEEEW HE WAS DOING THAT#im. weeps and holds my head into my hands in despair.#it has no right working on me so well i hate it#and once again with his 'we'll have a long relationship so it's fine you'll get to know more in that time'#it adds so much to the fact one of his way to flirt is so much so constantly proposing or acting like they're engaged#and then going 'i'm joking though. or am i. :).'#like geez talk about commitment#and i'm not going to derail myself thinking about man. commitment for a man who had to always be on the move and everything.#like. bites fist.#but yeah anyway i was in public when i was going through this and i almost fucking cried on the spot#and i felt myself turning red like a complete idiot#so fuck this fuck this fuck t-#ichablogging a3jpn
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Okay so this is gonna sound completely random (being it’s 2 in the morning, almost 3), but I like Loomian Legacy & Pokémon, right?
so I thought I’d draw 2 new favorite characters I had, one from Loomian Legacy, & one from Pokémon
but then I decided “you know what, I actually don’t know much about this Pokémon! Lemme do a bit of research about them!!”
and ohh boy am I glad I did that.
it turns out, these 2 characters could not be left in a room together!
so obviously I drew that
here we have Celesting from Loomian Legacy, & Tinkaton from Pokemon
#I was literally about to draw these 2 hanging out & vibin#but then I decided to learn more about Tinkaton#apparently they would kill steel type Pokémon for fun & to decorate their hammer#and idk if it is canon but I saw someone say that it killed multiple steel Pokémon to make the hammer in the first place#But canon or not it could not stay anywhere near Celesting#since Celesting is a Metal/Light Loomian#so Tinkaton would probably add them to the hammer#So yeah that’s a fun fact to learn at 2 am#(also I feel like I’m making a mistake sharing this before I go soon)#(cus if I put the Pokémon tag it’s gonna be like the Bendy thing all over again)#(But that’s an issue for future me lol)#Celesting#Loomian Legacy#Tinkaton#Pokémon#my art#please do not steal my art thanks#Also Celesting is n o t a Pokémon#just to say that in advance if I get someone new saying “oooh what’s that bell Pokémon?” It ain’t a Pokémon#it’s a Loomian#(also there was a mistake but nuh-uh no there wasn’t y’all didn’t see it)
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I have never dragged my ass so hard on MSQ that wasn't ARR related but man alive am I dragging on the back half of SB
#personal;#jay plays ffxiv;#I love SB! I just also hate SB#it's exhausting for me i think bc of the racism#on top of being exhausted as fuck and trying to pay Attention for Aki reasons but having to keep stopping for sidequests#(bc if I don't get them now then I Won't Get Them but I have to do one roulette per level to keep doing them on SMN)#to say nothing of the fact i want to write and draw and research and play star rail and there's not enough god damn time in the mfin day#i miss my adderall#at least having my T again seems to have helped me be able to like. fold laundry and change my sheets again
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#so I was reading up on bipolar disorder#and apparently it’s one of the main leading causes of disability worldwide#2 out of every 3 people with bipolar disorder end up on disability#and given the fact I’ve been struggling so much with episodes where I just like… can’t do anything#idk that’s terrifying to me#I LOVE to work and feel accomplished#I’m not saying others who have to take it don’t but that it would be a massively destructive blow to my self identity to not be able t work#I think I’ve done really good work so far getting things sorted out#I’ve been compliant with meds and am almost finished with my year-long intensive outpatient therapy#the stress of the strike that started really threw me off and has made the last month pretty unbearable#but I’m learning and adapting#this just feels like it lit a fire under my ass that I really need to work overtime to fight this diagnosis and get back to healthy#there’s no putting things off like I need to get shit done#and if things aren’t working then it’s time I find another way#bc I can’t let myself just give in to the symptoms and let them dictate my life#really coming up with a game plan for 2023 to make it my year and I genuinely feel confident it will work out#2021 I wrestled control of my life back and got semi functional again. I sought help#2022 I found that help and got diagnosed / found the right medication balance / completed intensive outpatient therapy#2023 I use all this to make behavioral changes that help me regain control of my life#specifically tons of exercise / more social interaction / practicing hobbies and skills#I think it’s pretty achievable and I’m excited about the results
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