#THAT BEING SAID if they cut the first kiss in the novel entirely i WILL be mad about that

[forcebookish]

ok i was in the camp that didn't want this scene to be their first kiss but i can't actually be mad at it

[yoredoesmore]

hii can i pls ask for an argument with hoshina and how u fixed everything after jsnshsbshsbs 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

a/n: thank you for your request (´∀｀)♡ this took longer than it should have, I apologize ╥﹏╥

pairing: hoshina soshiro x fem!reader

summary: a small misunderstanding turns into a huge argument.

genre: romance/hurt & comfort/jealousy/fluff |

[wc: 1,6k]

enjoy!

Kiss and Make Up | Hoshina Soshiro

You were mad, beyond pissed even. Your heart was beating in irregular motions and the irritation practically oozed off your face. The tension laid thick in the air as you and your boyfriend continued to ignore each other, sitting in complete silence in front of the television.

So many thoughts roamed your head– insults, counter arguments and statements, yet you refused to give the man another second of attention.

He has truly done it now.

“I'was just another celebration with the squad, nuttin that big of a deal. You would have known if you had come.” Hoshina slurred his words as he dragged his drunk self through the hallway of your shared apartment and into the bedroom.

“Bet that Okonogi was there too, right? That smartass wannabe who always seems to be in desperate need of your help.”

“Oh pwease, you're overreacting. Okonogi is not like that so stop bein so annoying.”

That last statement had sealed his fate (and almost earned him a slap in the face). Before you knew it, the two of you fell into a fully blown out fight that lasted through the entire night. Insults were dropped, his hands pushed you and yours shoved him as well.

“Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?! It's honestly so irritating!” Hoshina yelled out.

“Your stupidity is more irritating! Maybe if you stop being so full of your fucking self all the time and start using that brain of yours, you would see the issue at hand!” You snapped back.

Fights were uncommon in your relationship but when the two of you fought it was messy and draining. But most importantly, they stung.

Even after the night had fallen and sunshine arose, the atmosphere in your apartment still laid thick in the air. Half the day had passed and neither of you said anything to each other, until the both of you ended up in the living room at the same time. He was busy taking care of the cats (who had run into the wide space) while you were already sitting there, reading your favorite novel.

At first silence kept the situation at bay, neither of you forced to interact with one another, until a phone call broke the tranquil atmosphere.

“Your work phone, huh.” You said, eyes remaining on the book as you flipped to the next page. “Wonder who that could be.”

Hoshina refrained himself from answering your remark and quickly picked up the call. Although he had turned the loud speaker function off, you were able to hear a female voice from the other side.

“Yeah of course I can help, no need to thank me.” He hung up.

“Let me guess, little damsel in distress needs your help again?”

“That's enough, Y/n.” Hoshinas voice cut sharp through the room, silencing you temporarily, before you spoke up again.

“Don't talk about Okonogi like that, alright? She is a good friend and your coworker. Ya being so unreasonable.”

“I am being unreasonable?? Oh, I'm sorry for getting upset when my boyfriend spends more time with his good friend than his partner!” The book was no longer of any importance to you. You had tossed it while standing up from your seated position.

“How long has this been going on now?? Every other day she asks you to hang out or do this together or she needs help here and there. Are you fucking kidding me??”

“Oh please, look at the way you're acting, it's ridiculous! We work in the same department so of course we spend a lot of time together!”

It felt like your words went right past his ear and vice versa. Both of you were now standing right across from one another, anger evident on both your faces. Even the tension grew in size, swallowing up the entire space and forcing your cats to run out.

You hated the surge of anger that rushed through your body. Feeling this way, jealous and annoyed when the man who normally solved all your problems was right in front of you, it pained you deeply. In moments like these, all you wanted to do was break down and hide away, preferably in his arms, but that was not an option right now.

“You sure that's the only reason you spend so much time together? Because it sounded different a couple weeks ago.”

“A couple..what are you talking about??” Hoshina asked, genuinely confused. You broke your gaze, looking at the ground in hopes that the pressure would disappear.

“At the bar..don't act like you don't remember!” And without allowing him to even respond, you dashed into your room and knocked the door shut behind you. Your boyfriend simply stood there, unsure of how to react to this sudden change of events. A long sigh escaped his lips as he followed you into the room.

“Y/n..”

“Leave me alone!” Your head was buried deep into the pillow (the one on Hoshina's side). Tears had made it out of your eyes and you desperately wanted to hide them.

“What exactly did I say at the bar..please tell me.” The regret in Hoshina's tender voice did not go unnoticed by you. It tugged on your heart and only caused the pain to increase. You truly hated seeing him like this.

“You..you said that you like smart women..” Repeating those words from weeks ago now made you feel stupid. “When Kafka asked you what your type was..you said that you prefer smart women and then you..proceeded to look at Okonogi! She was sitting right next to Kafka, so maybe you were looking at him instead, I don't know, I was just as drunk but still!”

Hoshina stood in front of the bed, disbelief holding him back from talking. He could barely remember the events of that night, only that it involved too much alcohol. But hearing you say those words, with tears in your eyes and a broken voice, it made your boyfriend feel like shit.

“But I was obviously talking about you, love, You are smart” He said as he placed himself next to you on the bed, hands rubbing your back. “Wait..is that why you didn't join us in yesterday's get together?”

You nodded hesitantly.

“I am not smart, not at all. I work as a damn secretary for the Kaiju Hunters while Okonogi is a skilled woman who runs analysis and she is the Operations Leader. And not to mention, she is so pretty too.”

Up until now, Hoshina did not know that you were harboring such emotions. Your sudden confession left his mind blank, it was as if he had temporarily lost all thoughts due to the shock. You on the other hand couldn't have felt more embarrassed.

You had no right to go after Okonogi like that and blame her for your insecurities. But when Hoshina spoke those words and afterwards looked at her, you just felt too heated.

Moments like these made you wonder, why Hoshina refused to leave you. Unlike the other women in his life, you were hotheaded and emotional, pushing and shoving when someone messed with your feelings instead of talking it out.

Little did you know, that this was exactly what Soshiro liked about you. He loved you for being hotheaded and a tease, but also sweet and caring during the right moments. You were the perfect match for him and nothing could convince him otherwise.

“Y/n, don't you ever say that about yourself ever again. You are my smart, beautiful hotheaded woman, the woman I love and cherish. Plus it takes hella brain to work as a secretary, especially for those jerks.” Soshiro placed his hands on your shoulders, pulling you back up into a seated position.

Your eyes were slightly puffy and a soft frown pulled on your lips.

“I'm sorry for not expressing myself clearly enough and for making it seem like I prefer Okonogi to you. You are the one I love and care about, I promise.”

“But..but I am so mean to everyone and to you as well, Soshiro.” Hoshina's words had touched your heart and caused the tears to resurface, even though they never truly left.

“Plus I get jealous way too easily and don't..I'm just too..” You hiccupped.

“Shh, there there. I don't wanna hear none of that, you hear me?” Your boyfriend wrapped one arm around your waist while the other patted your head. A soft kiss found its way on your cheek, drawing a pout from your lips.

“I'm sorry Soshiro, for being so irritating. You are a great friend and coworker to Okonogi and you are a true blessing for constantly helping her out. I shouldn't get jealous over that." Hoshina smiled and placed another kiss on your face, this time on your lips. It felt sweet and comforting, you wished it could have lasted forever.

“And I'm sorry for being so stupid.”

You pulled him into a tight hug, the sweet scent of his body filling your nose. The hug lasted quite long, as long as you both needed it to, and it patched up all the wounds that were still left open by the argument. As you pulled away, you gazed into each other's eyes, losing yourself temporarily.

“Lucky for you, I love my women slightly irritating.” He joked.

“And I like my men stupid.”

“Hey!”

The both of you laughed, the content of the argument already forgotten.

a/n: i know its not obvious at all but i was actually going for a hori x miyamura type of relationship

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (do we as a society still use this emoticon?)

i just love hori’s and miyamura's dynamic, they could never make me hate them! plus i wholeheartedly believe that Hoshina needs a partner who is more emotional/teasing than him so he can be sure that his attitude is handled ^^

[blondiedae]

dry house, wet clothes (three)

𓍯𓂃𓂃𓂃 dry house, wet clothes, three

pairing. johnny suh x afab!reader x jeong jaehyun

genre. angst, fluff, eventual smut, slow burn (for jaehyun), friends to lovers (for johnny)

warnings. NEW (MILD) SMUT TAGS ADDED! swearing, mentions of drinking, kissing, groping, dry humping (kind of? basically) smut tags will be added when it applies. big miscommunication trope, it is what it is. it’s so much angst i’m so sorry

word count. 9,122

plot. the four of you have spent years building the world around you, your friendship, your weekends together hidden in jaehyun's loft. you, mark, johnny and jaehyun. shaking the foundation of that by being in love with your best friend, jaehyun, is a risk you've never been confident enough to take. but, johnny suh is confident and johnny suh has been known to shake the world around you.

other's mentioned. mark lee, dong sicheng (again. it’s always missing winwin hours, i fear), kim jungwoo, lee taeyong, nakamoto yuta, na jaemin, lee jeno, lee donghyuck (haechan)

author's note. it’s the halloween chapter! johnny is so corny, jaehyun is miserable. i promise (i hope) that you enjoy it! there is mention of y/n’s skin glowing in the moon, but i don’t literally mean she’s glowing in the dark - just the way moonlight plays off of the highlights in her skin. i hope that’s okay! the next chapter won’t be out until nov. 1st, mostly because it takes place on nov. 1st and that just makes sense to me.

taglist (open). @xiaojunsdino @yoursyuno

playlist. here !

“Is it helping?”

You closed the manuscript and pressed it against your chest, “We’re halfway through.”

Jaehyun leaned, arms crossed and back pressed against the piano across the room. He watched you; how your eyes followed the sky, the clouds sweeping across it to occasionally reveal stars. With you, from the moment Jaehyun met you, it had always been the sky, the stars, the sun and the moon. He’d watch you get lost, he'd listen to you tell him constellations until he had them memorized - their shape and every star sprinkled in them. Jaehyun was afraid he’d lose you to the sky, when he was young. He was scared you’d float away.

His mother had told him, in an effort to calm him, “We’ll tie rocks to her feet, so she’ll never float too far.”

He’d said, “No. I can do it. I can keep her on the ground.”

“And how long will you do that?”

“Always.”

And he did. The older he got, however, the more Jaehyun realized how much you needed to float away, sometimes. The stars found their home in your eyes, filling them with sparkles whenever you looked up. Everything from the way you spoke to the way you thought to the way you would breathe would change when you were floating above, lost in the sky. So, Jaehyun let you get lost, he let you float. He encouraged it; tracing your favorite constellations, pointing out clouds, noting the pops of color you adored in a sunset when you forgot to look up. He’d watch you float, watch your eyes light up, and hold you steady so you wouldn’t get too far; so he could ground you again when you needed him to.

He always would.

Jaehyun knew you would do the same for him. Always, always, always.

He stood up, feet gliding across the wood floors until he knelt down on the mattress next to you and crashed down, “Is that a yes, then?”

You turned your head to look at him, his hair was pushed back off his forehead and, for the first time in a while, you wished he’d cut it shorter. You had forgotten how good he looked, like this. Sighing, you shifted to face him entirely, Lee Haechan’s first novel between you, “Yeah, it’s helping.”

With a grin, Jaehyun picked up the block of sloppily bound pages. He flipped through the typed words and your scribbled annotations, humming, “You said he’s younger than Mark, right?”

“I think by a year. Why?”

“His view on…” Jaehyun paused, suddenly very aware of you with the stars in your eyes, looking at him. The word felt heavy in his throat, creeping up until it sat on his tongue, weighed it down and kept him from speaking. He let out a breath, “His perspective on love is mature.”

The way Jaehyun’s fingers slid down the pages made your skin tingle. You swallowed, “Do you think he’s too young to have experienced love the way he writes about it?”

“I think, if he’s pulling from experience, it’s probably his first love.” Jaehyun placed the manuscript back down, fingers dangerously close to brushing yours. You pulled your hand to your chest, busying idle fingers with the silver chain around your neck. He continued, “Did your first love make you feel like that?”

An exaggerated groan slipped from your lips and you rolled back onto your back, eyes up towards the stars, “I wish everyone would stop bringing him up.”

Jaehyun laughed, switching positions so he was now looking at you, head resting on his palm, “Who else brought up Sicheng?”

“Johnny…” You caught yourself. Your teeth latched onto your lip and acted like a barrier for whatever you were going to let slip. It was simple enough to say Johnny and leave it at that. But the question and his name and the way Jaehyun was looking at you reminded you that you were hiding something from him, “Johnny did.”

He tried his hardest to blink away his reaction. It was another moment when he didn’t need to know the details, but Jaehyun couldn’t keep himself from asking, cool and collected, “Oh yeah? When?”

You closed your eyes, counting seconds between breaths, “Uh, last Monday.”

“Last Monday?” Sunday night you all had gone to the movie. Sunday night Johnny confessed to you. Sunday night Jaehyun told you he’d support your decision and then Monday you and Johnny…you and Johnny. Jaehyun rolled to his back as well, “Monday after he…”

“Yeah.” Something inside you was itching to tell him everything; to tell Jaehyun and watch his reaction the way you did when you’d kissed the corner of his lips. You wanted to see how he shifted, if he shifted, and hope that he’d tell you that he felt something, too. The only thing that came out was half an explanation, “We saw another movie and it..it just came up, I guess.”

He nodded and hummed and tapped his fingers on his stomach. Jaehyun asked you, casually, like you had his support, “So you two have been hanging out?”

You nodded and sighed and played with your necklace, “A little, yeah.”

Then it was silent. There was no wind, no music, no bustling from the street below. There was just you and him and silence, looking up and staying still. Neither one of you moved or spoke for too long, unsure of what came next. What could follow a half confession that you might have accepted Johnny’s feelings. What came after Jaehyun offering you support he didn’t know if he could give. Eventually, you heard him swallow, gulp down the silence, and ask, “Did you ever feel that way about him?”

You could have choked, head snapping to Jaehyun, “About Johnny?”

“No.” His eyes were wide, staring back at you. His attempt to change the subject back was twisted and Jaehyun felt like he was going to scream, “About Sicheng. Did you ever feel the way your writer does about Sicheng?”

“Oh.” It was easier to collect yourself than you thought, “Oh. I…I don’t know. I think it was different.”

Jaehyun agreed, “Love is always different.”

“Maybe he’s not writing from experience.” You looked at the manuscript dividing you two, Jaehyun’s hand still resting next to it. You stared at the sheets of paper like they’d give you the answer outright. Eventually, they might, “Maybe that's how he wants love to feel?”

“Maybe.”

Another silence until you asked, “What time is it?”

“After midnight.”

You looked at him, “Why didn’t you stop me?”

Jaehyun was already looking at you when you turned. The loft was dimly lit; only a small lamp and the light of the waning moon. He didn’t look away when he told you, “I was enjoying it.”

You told him, “I should go so you can sleep.”

His hand had moved up, resting on the mattress between you. Jaehyun pulled yours from around your necklace, “Just stay.”

“You have to work in the morning.” It was a good enough reason. It was Monday night and, come Tuesday morning, Jaehyun did have to work. It was Monday night and, come Tuesday morning, you were spending the entire day with Johnny and hiding it from Jaehyun, “And I have plans in the morning.”

“I can drop you off at home in the morning. It’s not like it’s out of the way.” Jaehyun wasn’t budging, physically or metaphorically. He settled himself into the mattress and draped his free arm across his eyes, “Stay here. It’s too late and too cold to go home. And the skies are supposed to clear up around one.”

“Fine.” You sighed. “I’ll stay.”

Sitting up, you pulled your sweatshirt over your head, rubbing at your bare arms when the chill bit your skin. Jaehyun finally moved again, standing to turn off the lamp across the loft. He could see the outline of your body, your silhouette stretching into comfort and he tried not to gulp too loudly at the sight. The moon kissed your skin just as well as the sun, hugging to the shadows and making you glow in the darkness. Jaehyun took his sweatshirt off, as well, needing to feel your skin against his where he could.

The way his t-shirt clung to his body stopped your heart and you hoped he couldn’t see the way your mouth opened at the sight; grateful for the darkness. The two of you settled in, side by side, arms brushing against each other. Jaehyun slowly lifted his hand, fingertips brushing along your arm. His eyes focused up, a smile tugging at his lips, his heart pounding against his chest. He flexed his fingers, “Hand.”

You gave it to him, eyes watching the clouds cling to the night sky while they could. Jaehyun dropped your hands onto his stomach, fingers laced with yours, “Your hands are warm.”

“Yours are cold.” He looked at you, hoping his eyes captured the stars the way yours did. Hoping he could capture you the way you had captured him, “Come here.”

Your chest was rising and falling with every breath you took. Jaehyun watched as moonlight filled the parts of you normally shadowed; the dips in your collarbone, the slope of your neck to your shoulder hidden by your hair. Glowing beside him, beautiful beside him. Comfortable, safe and grounded beside him. The final moments before you’d float towards the sky in your sleep and Jaehyun would hold you steady; keep you close to the constellations with his soft patterns on your skin, all the while on Earth with him, wrapped in his arms. He’d hold you when you became restless and kiss your head to remind you he was there.

You rolled closer to him, Jaehyun rolled to his side. You pulled your hands, still molded together, up to rest by your cheek against his chest. Your other arm wrapped around his waist, his came to rest at the middle of your back. You could feel his heart beating on the back of your hand; a steady, strong, stable beat. Jaehyun could feel your breathing even out against his palm. It was always so much easier, falling asleep, when the two of you were intertwined like this. Just like this.

You whispered, “Goodnight, Jaehyun.”

He kissed the top of your head, “Goodnight.”

Then he got to tracing; Cassiopeia. On your shoulder blades, the small of your back, your shoulder, your arm. Jaehyun traced the home of the heart nebula into your skin, as gently as he could, hoping you’d feel it; the stars, the heart, his heart, the fire.

Your voice drawn out, worn from reading aloud, quiet against the skin of his hand by your lips. You kissed his knuckles and mumbled, “Cassiopeia.”

Then you were floating away, Jaehyun holding you near when he repeated, “Cassiopeia.”

📻

You woke up to the smell of coffee and citrus twisting around in the air and filling your nostrils. The sun was just barely up, pulling itself over the horizon like it was resisting the start of day, as well. Jaehyun wasn’t next to you, replaced by a mug of steaming coffee and a plate full of cut and peeled oranges. A note was leaning against the mug, Jaehyun’s handwriting scribbled on a clean white piece of paper; Come downstairs when you’re up.

So you did, popping an orange slice into your mouth, securing the plate and your phone and the mug in one hand, pulling the door open with the other. The morning chill only had a few seconds to bite at you, while you stepped down the outdoor staircase and around the corner of his house to the back door. Jaehyun was in the kitchen, half dressed for work and tapping away on his phone. To see him like this, to watch him so quietly get ready for his day, it always felt intimate. Like you were getting a glimpse into his future, the things his partner would see every day and it tugged on your heart to consider that it might not be you, anymore, who sees it.

The thought that, one day, you and Jaehyun wouldn’t fall asleep wrapped around each other like intertwining vines could absolutely break you, if you dwelled too long. Thinking of someone else standing across from him in the kitchen, securing his tie around his neck, sharing cups of coffee and knowing smiles every day could felt like something close to the end of the world.

So, you pushed the thought away and pulled at the sliding door, doing everything you could to smile and tell him, “Good morning.”

Jaehyun looked up, lips hinting at a smile at the sight of you. He’d spent most of his morning routine with his mind clouded by thoughts that, one day and maybe one day soon, he might not be able to wake up next to you as he did today. He battled those thoughts with the image and the memories of all the times he had woken up like that; just the two of you. The sight of you sleeping and your arms wrapped around him and how hard it was to pull himself from that. Jaehyun busied himself with bathing and getting dressed and making your coffee and his, together, just how you liked.

He moved as quietly as he could so he wouldn’t wake you, careful with you as he always was. Jaehyun was happy to see you awake, though; hood pulled up around your head, sipping on coffee and eating oranges at the counter across from him. He couldn’t picture anyone else in that spot, he didn’t want to.

Jaehyun put his phone down, flattening his palms on the marble of the island, “Good morning.”

You asked him, “What time do you need to leave?”

He looked at the clock on the stove and told you, “About twenty minutes.”

“Okay.” The two of you only looked at each other; unwavering eye contact and growing, growing, knowing smiles on your lips. As though to be here, simple and relaxed, for both of you, was everything. You finally blinked, “Do you want to start the next chapter, tonight?”

“Sure.” He rounded the counter, standing directly in front of you with his tie loose around his neck. He pulled the ends away from his chest and towards you, “Help?”

You took them, but you quipped, “What do you do when I’m not here?”

He grinned, teasing and his tone playful, “Tie it backwards in the mirror.”

Your fingers twisted the silk of his burgundy tie, wrapping it around itself and securing it like you always did. You buttoned up the last few buttons of his shirt, hands threatening to shake, eyes trained on the way Jaehyun swallowed. Then, you patted his chest, brushed invisible dust from his shoulders and said, “There.”

Jaehyun asked, “Look okay?”

“Looks good.” Your mouth was suddenly and desperately dry, taking him in; his tailored grey pants, his crisp white button down and the contrast of his tie. He was worlds away from how he normally looked, to you; a dressed up, dolled up version of your Jaehyun. Your Jaehyun. You nodded your head, swallowing for the sake of your throat and swallowing every thought that threatened to slip out, “You look really good.”

And because Jaehyun couldn’t convince himself not to, because the memory of you doing the same lingered on his mind, he leaned down and kissed the corner of your lips. The same spot you’d kissed on him, desperation of his own wanting to keep you here in this moment and in every moment with him. He lingered there as long as he could, straightening back up and saying, “Thank you. I’ve gotta get some paperwork together, then we’ll go.”

Your lips burned, every inch of you did, the way it always did when Jaehyun touched you, brushed against you, put his lips to your skin even in the most innocent way. It was hard to know if you were breathing, it was hard to think of anything else. Still, you spoke.

“Okay.” It came out like a whisper, “I’ll go get my stuff.”

“Okay.” He said, smiling like he did and like he always would. Smiling and heart pumping loudly. Smiling and burning on the inside, hands shaking. Smiling so he could convince himself you’d never catch on. He pointed to your plate and coffee, turning to walk down the hallway, “Finish your breakfast.”

And you nodded.

The things you needed for the day were packed into your tote, the manuscript laying perfectly at the center of the mattress. You came back down the stairs once more, turning right instead of left to pack yourself into Jaehyun’s car. He drove the two of you down the street, humming and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. You watched the same houses you always saw pass by, the morning sun tapping at their windows and the windows of Jaehyun’s car.

Another familiar feeling. Another routine. Something simple and comfortable and ordinary.

When Jaehyun pulled up to your house, you stopped thinking, stopped taking anything in, stopped moving, stopped breathing. Jaehyun did the same, white noise filling his ears. He didn’t want to know and you didn’t want to tell him. You fell asleep listening to his heartbeat. He woke up tangled in you and it took everything in him to pull away from that. You’d kissed the corner of his lips and he’d kissed yours.

And now Johnny was leaning against your gate, waving at the two of you. You didn’t look at Jaehyun, you didn’t know if he looked at you. But, you heard him, as quiet as he tried to be, say one word, “Plans.“

You couldn’t place the tone of it. Jaehyun didn’t know either. Somewhere, at a perfectly centered point between his mind that was bitter, maybe angry and not able to justify it, definitely jealous and his heart that was cracking and trying not to break, Jaehyun lost control of how exactly he wanted to say that. If he even wanted to say it, at all. He blinked, you said, “Yeah, um…yeah.”

“Mm.” Jaehyun didn’t want to ask and you didn’t want to tell him. He nodded, hands sliding around the steering wheel, an attempt at distraction. He didn’t know how, but Jaehyun brought himself to lift and hand and wave at Johnny. His friend, Johnny. His best friend, Johnny. He told you, a simple smile on his face, “Well, have fun.”

You finally looked at Jaehyun, away from Johnny who had busied himself on his phone. You felt caught and you couldn’t pinpoint by who, “Yeah. I’ll see you later, Jae.”

“Yeah.” He said, still smiling, “Later.”

You climbed out of the car then, standing just outside the closed door and looking at Johnny over the roof. Jaehyun and his black sedan parked between the two of you and the entire day you’d decided to spend together. Johnny smiled so you tried to do the same. From inside, Jaehyun waved at the two of you before he drove off, so the only thing between you and Johnny was the space Jaehyun had now left behind.

Johnny greeted, “Hey.”

So you said it back.

He studied your face for a moment, head tilted to the side, before Johnny asked you, “Are you alright?”

You nodded, pushing your hair away from your face. You were longing for one moment of silence between conflicting thoughts, wishing for the ability to quiet your own mind. Something in you was determined to enjoy your day with Johnny. What was left of you after that was lingering on the moments with Jaehyun in the morning and the fact that you’d go back to him tonight. If you tuned in to them long enough, you might throw up.

Johnny looked concerned, pushing himself away from the stone wall and out into the middle of the street in front of you. He pressed his hand to your forehead, eyes scanning any part of you he could see, “You feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Somewhere between the truth and a lie, a comfortable meeting ground for the two, “I just woke up, I still have to get ready.”

Johnny’s hands slid down your arms, slipping underneath them to rest on your hips. You couldn’t stop yourself from glancing down the street, even knowing Jaehyun was long gone. Ducking down, Johnny caught your attention again and smiled, telling you, “Go get cleaned up. I can wait.”

“Out here?”

He laughed, “Preferably not.”

“Okay, yeah. Come inside.” You pulled hands away from you, stepping towards the strip of pavement in front of your house. He followed, closely and with a silent laugh. After you’d opened the gate, you looked over your shoulder to say, “You really meant all day, huh?”

“I really did.” He waited a moment, listening to the sound of your keys jingling and unlocking your door before he asked, “Did you stay over at Jaehyun’s?”

You nodded, slipping your shoes off, watching Johnny follow and do the same, “Yeah. He’s helping me get through the book I’m editing.”

“Oh, nice.” It was so genuine, everything he said and did and thought, likely. Johnny took hold of your shoulders and turned you around, towards the stairs, “Go on, get ready. I’ll be down here, okay?”

“Okay.”

On the third step you turned back to look at him. Johnny had his hands in his pockets, standing in your foyer where he fit comfortably, looking up at you. His head tilted again, puppy-like and hair flopping to the side. After a moment of silence, with nothing but easily closed space between the two of you, Johnny moved. He took three steps to stand one step below you and he leaned closer, closer still until his lips were so close you could feel him breathing.

Johnny grinned, wolffish and ever-the-tease, then he swooped down to kiss your cheek. His lips lingered there for a moment before they brushed against your ear and he told you, “Go get ready.”

So, you did.

📻

October was ending, so was the week.

“Are you almost here?”

He told you, “Almost.”

“Honk when you’re here.” You fussed with your hair, flipping and twisting and pinning back strands that fell out of place, “Did you already pick up Jungwoo?”

“We’ll get him on the way.” You heard a faint honk from outside, then he told you, “I’m here.”

“I heard.” You laughed, taking the feathered white wings from where they’d been tucked under your arm and securing them onto your back by their satin straps. “Okay, I’m coming out.”

October was ending and you’d spent the last week of it falling asleep next to him, highlighter and ink pen smudged into your fingertips. He’d woken up with your fingerprints on his neck, his jaw, behind his ear, his chest and his arms. If he could hide them well enough, he’d leave them for the day, keeping a secret under his crisp button down. At least until he saw you again, that night.

And you’d wake up to texts from Johnny, asking if you were free or telling you good morning.

You’d wake up to notes from Jaehyun when he had to leave while you slept or fresh coffee next to the mattress.

You’d wake up to Johnny on your doorstep, bringing you breakfast.

You’d wake up to Jaehyun still snoring and the sun barely rising, tempting the loft with light. Traces of you illuminated on his skin.

And now October was ending; it was frigid, the chill pinching at the parts of your skin that were exposed as you stepped outside and locked up. You could hear a car door open, his footsteps on the pavement, the clack of your own heels coming after. Your dress was whipping around your calves in the breeze you were creating, hurrying down the path to get to him; to the warmth of car, the warmth of his him. He was leaning against the passenger side door when you finally looked up, staring at you intently with his hands deep in his pockets.

Halfway to him, you said, “Hey.”

And when the wind fluttered the wings, when it swept his breath away, Jaehyun smiled and said it back, “Hey.”

He looked like an absolute dream; suspenders secure on his shoulders, holding his loose white shirt in place while it, too, rustled.

Jaehyun was holding his breath, watching every step you took and counting the seconds until you were directly in front of him. He was in a trance, mind blank but for the image of you and he didn’t know how to shake himself free of that. You had stopped moving and he hadn’t moved an inch, the two of you taking each other in like you hadn’t woken up together. Finally, he spoke. The sound of a car passing urging him to make sound, any sound, of his own.

“You look…” He paused, swallowing and blinking slowly, like whatever Jaehyun was about to say had been lost in his mind. He stood up straight, “Like an angel.”

And you laughed, Jaehyun did as well, his dimples distracting you from saying anything back for only a moment. Slowly you nodded your head and wrapped your arms around yourself, “You look…what are you?”

Jaehyun didn’t answer, not directly, he only opened the passenger door and said, “Let’s go get Jungwoo.”

Without a word, you climbed into his car. The conversation changed, it drifted, it filled the car with a sound combating the hum of the radio until you were outside Jungwoo’s apartment. And when you saw Jungwoo stumbling over his own dress, the way his wig fell into his eyes while he tried to balance his phone and his keys and a half finished iced Americano, you laughed again. Turning to Jaehyun, you scrunched your nose up; his ears burned at the sight, “Jack and Rose, huh?”

Jaehyun nodded, hand secured on the gearshift between you. If he would reach six inches further, he could put his hand on your thigh. He thought about it, the way the fabric of your dress would feel, the heat of your skin, how you’d settle into it like it was completely natural. It might have been, but Jaehyun hesitated and he thought; he wouldn’t just reach. Instead, he smiled and said, “It was Jungwoo’s idea.”

You turned to watch Jungwoo nearing the car, smiling at the sight of you, almost tripping once again. You could feel Jaehyun’s eyes on you, the way his fingers stretched around the gear shift. If you reached just six inches you could wrap your fingers around his and hold his hand; feel his warmth in the smallest way possible, help or hinder him from driving before you settled your hands on your lap. Like it was completely natural. But, you kept your eyes on Jungwoo and swallowed, voice not wavering when you said, “I love it. It’s a perfect idea.”

Then Jungwoo was in the car, clambering in until he was the only thing settled between the three of you. Jaehyun’s hand stretched again, yours played with the hem of your dress and you both let Jungwoo carry the conversation, like it was completely natural.

📻

Yuta’s house was warm; bodies filling almost every space and contrasting the chill the night brought. He was nowhere in sight when the three of you walked in, but you’d come to expect it. Jaehyun had a hand on your back, keeping you close to him and pressed between himself and Jungwoo. Your wings brushed against people, the walls, the narrow spaces you pulled yourself through until you’d all landed in the kitchen.

Jaehyun said, “I’ll get you a drink.”

Jungwoo said, “There’s Mark.”

You said, “I wonder if Taeyong is coming.”

But every sound mixed in with the chatter and the music and the shuffling of feet, clacking of heels, barks of laughter. It was chaos. But, once again, it was expected of Yuta’s Halloween-slash-Birthday Party. So, you stood with your palms pressed to the countertop and tried to take in as much of it as you could. Someone bumped into your wings again, you heard Jungwoo hollering a “hello” to someone across the house. The crowd shifted like a kaleidoscope before you, new shapes and bodies and costumes rotating in an uncertain pattern between rooms. Jungwoo was right, Mark was close to the edge of a group, from the neck down dressed like Spider-Man, a bright smile on his face.

Jaehyun found his way back to you, pressing a plastic cup into your hand and turning to do the same for Jungwoo before taking a sip of his own drink, “Who is Mark talking to?”

“I think…” You squinted over the edge of your cup, mulling over answers as you swallowed down the alcohol, “It looks like Jaemin.”

Jaehyun nodded, observing the crowd as you were. He saw him, then. Johnny as a knight, Johnny looking at you. Johnny on his way over. When the music paused, when there was a break between songs and Jaehyun could swear he heard Johnny’s chainmail clinking, it hit him. Maybe the alcohol, maybe the increasingly hot air, maybe the noise as everyone rushed to dance to whatever song was playing. It clicked and Jaehyun felt sick, dizzy, desperate for stability.

Johnny looking at you. Johnny on his way over. Johnny as a knight. Johnny as your Romeo. Jaehyun cleared his throat and said, “You’re Juliet.”

You only glanced at him sideways, maybe afraid to look at him dead on. Between the feeling of Jaehyun’s arm brushing against yours, the sound of his voice you’d never hear clearly enough to place and the alcohol settling in your stomach, you felt a heat rush to your face. You had seen him, too, watched as Johnny weaved through the crowd and his grin and the way he looked at you when you repeated, “I’m Juliet.”

Jungwoo was still close enough to hear, but you’d never know if he was listening when Jaehyun said, “You wore a couple costume with Johnny?”

“I…” You had to pause, you had to blink. Johnny was so close that maybe he’d be able to read your lips, be able to read your body language, be able to read the way Jaehyun was looking at you better than you ever could. You wondered, only for half a second, when you’d become so out of touch with the way Jaehyun moved and spoke and thought, your heart plummeted only to shoot back up at an alarming pace, “I guess so.”

Jaehyun didn’t wait, didn’t hesitate or think about it. He was only six inches from your ear when his words flowed through them, “So does that mean you’re a couple?”

You looked at him then, losing Johnny for the moment it took you to swallow and say, “I don’t know Jaehyun.” It didn’t sound bitter coming from your lips, maybe confused, but it tasted bitter on your tongue. You looked over Jaehyun’s shoulder at Jungwoo, something settling inside you that you couldn’t pinpoint and raising your eyebrow, “You wore a couple costume with Jungwoo.”

Jaehyun glanced at his counterpart, down at his drink, across the counter where Johnny had been stopped by someone just briefly enough for Jaehyun to chide, “It’s not the same thing.”

Johnny was in front of you then, smiling and reaching out for your hand. Johnny was in front of you, stopping anything you might have said to Jaehyun. Johnny was in front of you and you reached six inches to take his hand when he said, “There’s my Juliet.”

And when you took it, when Johnny pulled you away and Jaehyun choked down the lump in his throat, Jungwoo put his arm around his Jack Dawson and said, “I think you picked the wrong Leonardo DiCaprio.”

And Jaehyun tried to take that in. He tried to rationalize how he'd been with everything for the last two weeks; every look you gave Johnny, the way he’d danced you down the street, the way Johnny watched you when you weren’t paying attention. The way Johnny had stolen you away at the festival to dance again, spin you around and pull you near. The way Johnny pulled you to dance, right then. Always dancing.

Always dancing.

Jaehyun thought you must have been dizzy from all the dancing, from the twists and turns and loops Johnny pulled you into. But, maybe if you were dizzy it was better. Jaehyun took another drink. Maybe if he was dizzy, even for a little while, it was better.

Maybe if both of you were dizzy it would make all of this feel completely natural.

📻

Johnny had you in the center of the living room; wings askew and hair falling into your eyes. He spun you and spun you and spun around you until you felt like maybe he was what kept the whole world spinning. The lazy grin on his face made your drunken heart swell. It would do the same thing, sober, so long as he kept looking at you like that. Neither of you were following a distinguishable rhythm; you were dancing to the song and Mark’s laughter and the sound of the floorboards creaking under your feet, Johnny was dancing to the music and Mark’s laughter and ping pong balls bouncing off Yuta’s dining room table.

Either way, you let him lead you.

Either way, he laughed and spun you once more.

And when you stumbled over your wavering feet, Johnny caught you and held you close enough that the ends of his hair brushed against your face. He smiled more, if he could, he’d smiled until it hurt looking at you like this. Johnny didn’t pull back and you didn’t think to ask him to, pressed together in front of all your friends and so blissfully drunk. He told you, “You look so beautiful, Juliet.”

“Yeah?” It was a whisper lost in the chaos. You spoke louder when you told him, “You look beautiful too, Romeo.”

Johnny seemed shocked, he put on a good show of it, “I do?”

And with calm, alcohol laced certainty, you said, “Always. Always beautiful.”

It came out slurred but clear enough. The sound hit his ears and Johnny considered asking to borrow your wings so he could float away. He knew he’d had too much to drink, but it felt so much like the night everything changed for him, the night your Knight looked at you and saw Juliet. So, Johnny pulled you upright and steadied you when you wobbled again. He waited, he watched and when he knew he could get away with it, Johnny leaned down and said, “I’m going to kiss you.”

You looked, too. The mass of bodies had thinned and spread out throughout the house. The two of you were tucked inside a small crowd, in a circle and world of your own, mostly blocked - blocked enough. So, you nodded, “Okay.”

And when Johnny kissed you, the room that had settled around you started spinning again. His lips, his lips, pulled you in as his arms did, wrapping you up in Johnny and holding you there. You could smell his cologne clinging to him, the taste of the cinnamon whiskey on his lips. Then, he pulled away faster than you wanted, faster than either of you wanted. Bug eyed, you shook your head and breathed out, “More.”

“More?” His breath was just as strained, “More.”

Johnny pulled you from your bubble, popping it to drag you through the living room, then the kitchen, outside into the yard and behind the biggest tree that had grown. Both of you were breathless, still, even more. Because you wanted more, you needed more of Johnny. He needed more of you. Your wings folded slightly around the trunk of the tree when he urged you against it, chest rising and falling until it bumped against Johnny’s.

He asked again, breath dancing in a cloud between you, “More?”

You nodded, licking your lips and running your hands up his arms, the cool metal armor he’d strapped to himself for just one night, “Please.”

So he gave you more, mind clouded, mind thrilled, mind lost. Johnny leaned down to kiss your lips like everything he needed was secured within them, slowly urging them open. His hands settled on your hips, their favorite place to be, with an almost bruising grip. The rumble of bass from inside the house opposed your heart hammering in your chest, Johnny’s pounding in his own. Your fingers laced in the strands of his hair at the nape of his neck and he almost begged you to stop before you tugged at them and he let out the sweetest moan; more melodic than any song you’d heard all night.

He moaned your name, the sound leaving his mouth and filling yours, “My Juliet.”

“Johnny.” More music. Better music. The sound of an angel. Johnny’s hands took hold of your thighs, pulling you up and wrapping them around his waist. His hips were grinding up against you, pulling sounds from you he didn’t know he was so desperate to hear until then. The bark of the tree scraped at your back, tearing away the feathers of your wings and dirtying up your dress. Johnny’s hands squeezed at your thighs to pull you down as he rolled his hips up, “Fuck, Johnny.”

And all at once, he stopped.

“This can’t happen here.” His voice was so low, thick and strained. You knew he was right, “We have to…shit…not here. Not now and not drunk. But, fuck, I want you so bad. I just…”

“Me too.” He paused all movement then, Johnny stopped and he opened his eyes, waiting for you to do the same. It shouldn’t have shocked him, but every time you moved closer to him, every bit you let him in, was everything to him. Intoxicating, even when drunk. He breathed, so you did too and reminded him, “I want you, too, Johnny.”

He wanted to point out that you were drunk. Johnny wasn’t cynical, but he would always wonder how much of this moment was encouraged by coconut and pineapple flavored courage. He didn’t place your feet back onto the ground, he only took you in. The white freckles you’d painted on your cheeks, the shimmer around your eyes and small streaks of mascara that had smeared throughout the night.

You were so impossibly beautiful to him. Always, as you had said, and especially in that moment.

“Breathe.” He was sobering up, in a way that made sense to him. Johnny was sobering up in a way that made him brush your hair back and kiss you one last time. He was sober in the way that urged him to seek out Jaehyun and Jungwoo to take you home for the night. Sober in a way you were miles away from, “Breathe with me.”

“I’m breathing.” Your words were still slurred. Johnny laughed, hands dropping your legs slowly and coming up to hold your face. Your labored breathing evened out in his hold, eyes locked on his in the darkness, “Johnny?”

“I’m okay. We’re okay.” Before you had the chance to worry, he assured you, “I just think we should get you home. Let’s both get home, okay?”

And, feeling the weight of the party and your wings and the alcohol, you nodded, “Okay.”

He found Jaehyun and Jungwoo, leaving you with Mark and Jaemin in the living room. Mark was mumbling the words to a song, tapping the beat onto your shoulders as you tried to hold each other steady. He leaned to look at Jaemin over your shoulder, “Are we getting food?”

Jaemin shrugged, “Jeno isn’t answering.”

Like Mark hadn’t heard the answer, he turned back to you and offered, “Come with us to get food. I miss you.”

You laughed, “I can’t. You can’t.”

“Why can’t I get food?”

“No. I can’t get food. I’m going with Jaehyun, Johnny and Jungwoo.” You leaned your head on his shoulder, “You can’t miss me because you see me all the time.”

Mark snickered, drunk and boyish and falling over himself, “That’s a lot of J’s.”

“Too many.” Your hand reached out to pat his shoulder, where his shoulder should have been, where you swore his shoulder was a second ago. The sight of your hand flapping aimlessly pulled a loud laugh from both of you. “I’m so tired.”

You could hear Jungwoo before you saw the three of them, forehead settled on Mark’s shoulder, tuning into the way the world spun without Johnny’s help. He laughed and pulled at your hands, guiding you from Mark, “I got her, Johnny.”

And with a nod, you stepped away from Mark. The combination of lingering intoxication and sleep creeping in had you wobbling again. You hadn’t remembered feeling so drunk until you stopped moving, until you stopped spinning, until Johnny had pulled you outside. You shook your head, letting Jungwoo pull you more and reminding Mark, “Let me know when you get home. Love you, Mark.”

The youngest smiled, “Love you.”

The first day of November had already begun, only barely and still hidden in the lingering Halloween shadows. It took you sixteen incertain steps for you to stumble, missing the last step of Yuta’s porch. Jaehyun and Johnny were waiting at the bottom and the sight of it launched your stomach up into your throat. Johnny’s lips were swollen still, pink and plump and you wanted so badly to kiss him again. To feel the cool metal of his costume armor under your fingertips, pressed against you.

And Jaehyun was looking directly at you, keys jingling in his hands while Johnny spoke to him. November wind swept Jaehyun’s shirt open and flush against him, your fingerprints he hadn’t washed away peeking out. If Johnny had made your world spin tonight, Jaehyun had made it stop. If you wanted the coolness of Johnny against you, on top of you, you also wanted the heat that rested underneath your skin when Jaehyun touched any part of you.

You were a mess; a sobering mess, but a mess all the same.

So, you stumbled. Sixteen steps and you stumbled. Jungwoo caught you halfway through catching yourself, hands on your waist and a drunken smile on his face. He’d lost his wig and you hadn’t noticed, but Jungwoo was always pretty without it.

You told him as much, mumbling a soft, “So pretty, Jungwoo.”

Johnny had knelt down in front of you, “Come on, Juliet. Let’s get you home.”

Jaehyun stood to the side, watching you climb onto Johnny's back holding your dress down, balancing your wings. He didn’t say anything, for the time it took you to secure yourself on Johnny, on your knight. Jaehyun only waited and cursed himself, cursed the night and the Knight and God, if he could get away with it, before he cleared his throat and said, “The car is just down the street.”

Johnny carried you to the car, loading you into the back and draping Jaehyun’s discarded blazer from his work day over your lap. You could smell Johnny again, that same cologne, but it was surrounded in a cloud of Jaehyun; his jacket, his car, him in the front seat.

You wanted to be home, suddenly and increasingly dizzy. Dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.

And maybe it was for the best. Maybe if you were dizzy, you wouldn’t see Jaehyun looking once, twice, three times in the rear view mirror at you. You couldn’t focus on the way your heart pounded and your head and the way your stomach flipped if you fell into the spin. Dizzy was best.

Johnny didn’t stop you when you leaned away from the window, lowering yourself until you had your head on his lap. He smiled, a secret tucked away in the backseat of Jaehyun’s car, and brushed your hair back once more. When you melted into his touch, Johnny smiled more, “Sleep. I’ll let you know when you’re home.”

It felt more like a blink, but you knew you’d fallen asleep for much longer when Johnny eased you awake; a hand in your hair, a hand on your shoulder wrapped around the ribbon of your falling wings. He was close to your ear, hunched over in a way that had to be uncomfortable for him, telling you, “Wake up, we gotta get you inside.”

Jungwoo asked, “Do you need help?”

Johnny shook his head, easing you up, “I’ve got her.”

Jaehyun stayed quiet, hands secured on the steering wheel and his eyes forward; towards the loft, towards the place you’d slept next to him for the entire last week. Towards anything that made sense.

Johnny pulled you from the car, from the warmth of Jaehyun’s heated seats and his jacket and through your gate, “Easy.” he said, like any of it was, “Easy, I’m right here.”

He didn’t kiss you at the door. Johnny couldn’t kiss you again, no matter how much he wanted to. Christ, he wanted to. You wanted him to, just as much, mind clouded and forgetting why he wasn’t. Forgetting that Jaehyun and Jungwoo were in the car, forgetting the audience you had. The two of you just stood there for a while, drawing out the process of unlocking your door until he took the keys from your hands, you shivered and Johnny pushed the door open for you. And you were home.

As you had wanted. Still dizzy, less dizzy.

Johnny told you, “Goodnight.” He said your name so softly you thought it was merely a shiver running down your spine, passing you back your keys and holding your hand for just a second, “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

He started to walk away, down the path back to the car, down to the audience waiting to give mixed reviews about your performance on the stairs. And you were home, like you wanted, one step away from safety and a world that didn’t spin and disorient you. You were home and he was leaving you in a world that was neither halted nor spinning, but just wobbling helplessly. Unsure of itself. You wanted to feel sure.

Johnny turned and made it five steps before you stopped him, “Johnny wait.”

He looked back at you, hands at his sides and his chainmail halting a second after, “Yeah? You okay?”

“Stay.” You swallowed, “Why don’t you stay?”

“Do you want me to stay?”

“Do you want to stay?”

“I think you know I do.”

You were breathing, filling your lungs slowly with crisp air. That’s what he told you to do, so you breathed. Your hands were wrapped around your keys, as tight as could be, “Okay. Then stay.”

“Okay.” Johnny let a smile settle on his face again, another secret under a November moon, “Okay, yeah. I’ll stay.”

He went back to the car, to the audience. He looked at Jaehyun with such a particular smile, a certain one, an elated one. Johnny said, “You guys go ahead. I’m going to help her get settled.”

Jaehyun looked at Johnny and nodded like he was okay with that, because he had to be okay with that, and he settled on telling him, “Get her some water.”

Johnny came back to you, pulled you inside as carefully as he could and sat you down on your stairs. You closed your eyes letting his world, the things he created, the way Johnny felt and smelled and sounded, spin around you. His fingers worked at your shoes, sliding them from your feet and putting them away before doing the same for himself. He told you, softly, “Stay here.”

You croaked, “Okay.”

And another blink passed before Johnny was in front of you with a glass of water in his hand, “Sip.”

Throat dry, you repeated, “Okay.”

You took a sip and Johnny worked at untying the knots of your wings. You took a sip and he slipped them off your shoulders, his fingertips cool and your skin warm beneath them. You took a sip and Johnny eased you up, once again, helping you up the stairs. You took a sip and stumbled and Johnny whispered, “Almost there, okay?”

He sat you down on your bed where you sipped and sipped and watched as Johnny fumbled around your room, pulling open drawers, sifting through your closet. He was in front of you again, placing a lump of clothes next to you and asking, quietly, so unlike Johnny, “Do you want me to help? I won’t look.”

You nodded.

So he helped you, pulling the pins and ties from your hair and threading his fingers through it to shake any knots or lost barrettes loose. He pulled your shirt over your head first before slipping his fingers underneath the collar and untying your dress, “Stand up.”

You did, on wobbling legs. One of his hands held the back of your thigh, the other worked at pulling your dress down over your hips and slipping the fabric down your thighs, your calves, from around your ankles. You might have been holding your breath the whole time, eyes locked on every move he made, but you didn’t notice until it all came rushing out at once. Johnny tossed your dress behind him, eyes down, eyes averted, eyes respectful, and reached for the pants he’d placed beside you. The shirt he’d given you was long enough to cover most of you, comfortable enough to sleep in alone, so you shook your head and told him, just above a whisper, “No.”

He only nodded, standing upright and moving a step away from you. Johnny pulled off his armor, pulled himself out of Romeo after you’d been stripped of Juliet, and turned his back to you. You watched every muscle in his back flex before you caught yourself, mumbling, “Sorry, I won’t look.”

Johnny looked over his shoulder at you, hair in his eyes, a cheeky smile, and he said, “You can.”

You blinked. You breathed. You blanched at the sight of him.

“Johnny.” He turned and picked up the shirt next to you, one he pulled for himself. It slipped over his head easily, oversized on you and perfect on him. He started working on the button of his pants, the sound of the zipper and fabric falling to the floor made you swallow, “I don’t have pants to fit you.”

“It’s okay.” He gathered his clothes, neatly piling them in a corner, “I’ll sleep on the couch downstairs, okay? If you need me, just call. I’m a light sleeper when I’ve been drinking, I promise I’ll hear you.”

Again, you shook your head and said, “No.”

“No?”

“Stay.” It felt like your vocabulary had been ripped from your memory, only repeating the same handful of words you’d said since coming home; no, okay, stay. Johnny let out a breath and you suddenly felt too nervous to look at him, anymore, your courage being stolen away, as well, with every sobering breath, “Please.”

“You’re still drunk. I don’t think we should.” He told you, “I don’t think-“

You cut him off, “Just to sleep…I just…just to sleep. Nothing else.”

It was taking him a minute to reply, rethink, reflect. So, you took a minute to take him in; Johnny, not Romeo anymore, in his boxer briefs and a shirt from your drawer. A shirt Jaehyun had given you after you’d stolen it too many times. Johnny had his hands on his hips, eyes closed and his head back, in your room and in Jaehyun’s shirt. Your throat felt dry again and you took a sip to comfort it and remind yourself that he was Johnny, he wasn’t Jaehyun or Romeo or anyone else he could have been tonight.

He was Johnny who’d spent the whole night with you, Johnny who rotated the Earth for you, Johnny who was certain and careful and took care of you. Johnny who was still silent and thinking across from you. You filled that silence with the last sliver of courage, telling him, “We’ve never just slept together. Just the two of us. Jae…Jaehyun and I do it all the time. Even Mark sometimes.”

Johnny breathed, “I know.”

“I just…Johnny, I just want to be close to you right now.” It was the truth, the space between you had made everything too still, again. You stepped towards him, wobbling and unsure, “My couch is really uncomfortable.”

He laughed at that, looking at you, finally looking at you. Johnny, not Romeo. Johnny, not Jaehyun. He tried his best to bite back a smile at the sight of you, hair loosened and messy, fingers tapping together in anticipation, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth, “Okay.”

“Okay.”

It was simple. He moved to turn the light off, you adjusted to the moonlight filling the room and Johnny reached for your hand to pull you towards your bed. For a while, you both lay still and facing each other, breathing slowly until you took each breath together, in and out.

Johnny reached out, hand sliding from your neck to your shoulder blades to the middle of your back, slow as can be. He took his time leaning in, waiting for you to stop him, to react, to pull back. You only nodded and closed your eyes, anticipating the feeling of his lips on yours. Impossibly soft, slow and sweet, shorter than you wanted. He kissed you perfectly, and while you were catching your breath, with his forehead against yours, Johnny whispered, “I’m not him. This isn’t…I don’t want this to be how you are with Jaehyun.”

“I know.” Your chest was tight, Johnny’s hold on you was so loose it felt like he was giving you an out. But, when you opened your eyes and saw the shirt he wore, the way it fit him so differently, the way he filled the space in your bed comfortably and how, when you finally looked up, Johnny watched you, you calmed. You nodded your head and told him, “It isn’t. We’re not.”

“We were.” He reminded you, “I really want to change that.”

“I know.” You repeated, “We can.”

Johnny pulled you closer, secured in his arms. You could hear his steady heartbeat, so certain with you pressed against him. Johnny, not Jaehyun.

Johnny, not Jaehyun.

You had almost drifted off, the thought swirling in your mind and spinning you into slumber. Then, you heard him again, a hint of a laugh when he asked, “Wasn’t it Sicheng’s birthday, this week? Did you text him?”

And you laughed, shaking your head against his chest and mumbling, “Shut up.”

previous. masterlist. next.

[pharawee]

So. Addicted Heroin Thailand.

A small disclaimer first: I have neither watched any of the Chinese adaptations of Addicted Heroin nor did I read the novel. No wait, that's not true. I watched a few eps of the first series years ago but I barely remember anything about it (just global pandemic things, I guess).

Also, I only watched the tv-version of the first ep, which is apparently a whole 10 minutes shorter than the uncut version (and whatever they decided to cut, it's probably not spicy - unless it involves som tam or something) but ... I really like it so far? The cheap cash-grab argument that I've seen on MDL (🙄) doesn't hold up at all because they clearly put a lot of thought into this to turn it into an adaptation that (to me as an interfan at least) feels genuinely Thai - from ror dor to the public school backdrop to Pop reciting a poem by Sunthorn Phu (fun fact: it's the same poem that was prominently used in I Feel You Linger in the Air).

I also really like the production quality. It feels light and soft, kind of nostalgic actually - and while that's not how you'd describe the tone of the original novel (which is at least somewhat dark and toxic, I believe?) I don't think it necessarily has to since it's an adaptation and not a remake.

This is only the first episode of course and if you're hesitant about how this show will navigate around the age gap of the actors in light of the mature source material I'd hold back on watching for at least a few more eps.

That being said, I'm reasonably sure that Addicted Heroin Thailand will be a lot more soft and lighthearted than the original(s) - not unlike Jinloe's last show Hit Bite Love that had the younger cast in a separate, much more fluffy storyline.

Unfortunately, some people seem to expect or even want the show to be as dark and explicit as the novel, and there's of course nothing wrong with that, except that's not really a possibility with a cast that young. Going by what I've seen of the show so far, Jinloe are aware of this and have adapted the source material accordingly.

Granted, they could have chosen another, more lighthearted novel to adapt, but personally I don't think that an adaptation needs to be 100% screen-accurate (or is it novel-accurate?) to be an entertaining watch. There's plenty of themes to focus on, after all. Afaik, Stay With Me (the second Chinese adaptation) was well-received and the main characters didn't even kiss, so why single out this production as exploitative and unsafe* before it's even aired?

*Oh, and I've also seen people explicitly bash the show for its Thai-ness which is another matter entirely.

With the way things are right now (and I say this in good faith - don't go where I can't follow, Jinloe! 🙏) I don't really see how this show could ever live up to the controversy. Right now at least, it's got gmmtv-levels of toxicity (so, uh... about none).

tl;dr: The first episode of Addicted Heroin Thailand was cute and well done. That's about it.

[theylikeholdinghands]

A ramble of major spoilery thoughts after the prime premiere screening (episodes 1+2)

Under the cut. Very big spoils, I’m warning you.

My head is jumbled after the masterpiece I witnessed and all I’ll summarise are reactions and some stuff y’all already know from other screenings

Episode 1:

CROWLEY AS AN ANGEL OH MY GOODNESS HE WAS SO HAPPY AND JOYFUL AND HIS HAIR WAS STUNNING. Aziraphale definitely had love heart eyes at him and the whole “oh look at you, gorgeous” thing was legit. Crowley said that and Aziraphale smiled thinking it was aimed at him and then turned as he realised what he meant, the whole cinema room went awwwwww.

No one told me Gabriel fucking rubs his naked self fully against Zira whilst hugging him, I actually died.

GOOD OLD FASHIONED LOVER BOY DOES PLAY WHEN CROWLEY IS RUSHING TO THE BOOKSHOP TO PROTECT AND APOLOGISE TO AZIRAPHALE. AAAAAAH

The whole cinema erupted in laughter when Crowley had to do an apology dance and I was screaming. He did end it with a ballerina pose I cannot. Aziraphale said he had to do that apology dance in 1650, 1793 and 1941 (so I hope we see that in the 40s minisode)

Aziraphale being all adorable listening to his records before he got interrupted by Gabriel aaaaaah

GABRIEL SAYS “I LOVE YOU” TO AZIRAPHALE AND ZIRA SAYS THANK YOU and then goes “I…hmm” SAVE IT FOR YOUR HUSBAND

Aziraphale is so sweet with Maggie but he has no fucking clue how to be a landlord i stg. Maggie also mentions the lockdowns, so the lockdown audio clip is canon.

Episode 2 Part 1 The Minisode:

The way Aziraphale enters this episode, dramatic ass bitch

I absolutely loved Azicrow’s initial argument about Crowley being evil and killing the goats and then the reveal he never killed them. ZIRA’S SMUG FACE BECAUSE HE KNEW CROWLEY WOULD NEVER HURT ANYTHING. Plus why do they look like they’re gonna kiss in that argument, I saw Zira looking at his lips… maybe his beard

Ty’s character is so camp when flirting with Zira oh my goodness

Gabriel’s long hair reveal got the crowd roaring

CROWLEY TEMPTED AZIRAPHALE INTO EATING AND HIS REACTIONS OH MY GOODNESS

The way they work together to trick the angels into thinking the kids are brand new is comedic gold

The very final scene of the episode is absolutely stunning. They’re both vulnerable and I love the line “I’m a demon, I was lying” comes back in so many ways this episode

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW EVERY REVIEWER SAID FRANCES MCDORMAND WASNT GOING TO BE BACK AND YET WE HEARD HER AND SAW HER NAME IN THE CREDITS

Episode 2 Part 2 Present Day:

CROWLEY SLEEPING IN HIS CAR, MOVE IN WITH YOUR HUSBAND DUMBASS

AZIRAPHALE CALLED THE BENTLEY “OUR CAR” and said he learned how to drive 90 years ago

Crowley’s romantic wooing involves a downpour of rain, sheltering under an awning and looking in to each others eyes to realise whats been there the entire time… ARE YOU OKAY CROWLEY

Crowley didn’t know Jane Austen wrote novels and knew her from a crime background. He picks up Pride and Prejudice in Aziraphale’s bookshop aaaaaaah

When Gabriel is alone alphabetising Zira’s books, he comes across P&P and reads the first sentence. THEN PICKS UP ANOTHER BOOK AND ITS THE FUCKING GOOD OMENS BOOK. NEIL I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS

Anyway these are my initial reactions so sorry for the ramble. I hope y’all who haven’t been to a screening get to indulge and look forward to whats coming in just over a day now!

[moondal514]

🪳 for sv perhaps? 👀 and any other AUs u really like!

bug me for fic recs

Thanks for the ask <3. I’ll be honest, it is hard for me to know what counts as an au for SV given the nature of canon and Shen Yuan’s unreliable narration is such that practically anything can plausibly be canon 😂, but I did my best and I hope you enjoy these

🪳 Recommend a great AU!

Celestial Afterglow by elanor_pam/ @elanorpam

Shang Qinghua, also known as Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, stared flatly at what had once been a field boasting near sect-level Feng Shui alignment, and the drowned, bloated remains of the Sun and Moon Dew Flower cuttings that had sprouted within it. Their plan was now quite literally a wash.

If only he could consult Cucumber Bro on how to save Cucumber Bro! But in the absence of Cucumber Bro, he could but rely on the one plot coupon the infamous Peerless Cucumber had ever applauded.

Canon-divergence au. Um…I’ll be honest idk how to describe this fic, it’s wildly ridiculous but in a way that’s incredibly fitting for the entire vibe of SV and it made me laugh so hard I literally cried

walk through walls into your heart by kitschlet

Fifteen years ago, definitely cishet man Shen Yuan transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu, the female villain of reverse harem novel Proud Immortal Demon Way, and never looked back. Now happily lesbian-married, Shen Qingqiu gets caught in a PIDW plot that makes her actually confront what she wants from her gender and her relationship.

Bingqiu genderbend au. Wherein a wifeplot forces Shen Yuan to contend with the trans implications of the fact that she loves being a woman and it’s a very fun time

demons don't write what they know by ataratah/ @ataratah

As a demoness, Liu Mingyan doesn’t have a lot of first-hand experience with romance. This wouldn’t be a problem if she weren’t in the process of composing a romantic epic for the ages. Luckily, local human gremlin Sha Hualing is here to help.

Purely for the sake of good writing, of course.

Human-demon role-reversal au. Lovely fic about Liu Mingyan’s journey to becoming a published writer (which of course features practice kissing with Sha Hualing, very necessary)

cover me with your green mantle by lavenderandrue/ @lavender-and-rue

There’s a legend about this place. Shen Yuan has heard it a hundred times, a thousand, in different permutations depending on the teller. In some versions, a demon lord with horns and fangs and glowing red eyes roams the wilds, stealing pretty young women from their beds for some nefarious purpose. In others, a powerful fae prince leads the Wild Hunt on moonless nights; those who hear the baying of their hounds may be tempted to join them, never to be seen again. Still others tell of a local man stolen by the fae many years ago for his famed beauty, who is still occasionally spotted leading lost souls out of the forest.

Whoever he is, Shen Yuan thinks he must be lonely.

Ballad of Tam Lin au. This fic is a great example of that lovely flavor of BinggeYuan where Shen Yuan is just so bamboozled by Bing-ge that he ignores all the concerning shit about him and sets about domesticating him and it works and is massively entertaining to read

In Blissful Rush Did Meet by Asymptotical

In a slightly different situation, Tianlang-jun would have been thrilled to play the part of the pregnant lover doted on by the stoic noble that knocked them up.

It's less fun while he thinks the doting might not happen.

TianXi fix-it via mpreg au. Wherein Tianlang-jun being the one to get pregnant instead of Su Xiyan prevents them from falling into the Old Palace Master’s trap

Primal Urges by stranglerfig

A mortal illness infects Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Pandemonium ensues.

-

“We are cultivators,” Mu Qingfang pronounced gravely, “we are not ruled by our primal urges.”

“But shizun,” said one of his beta disciples, his voice nasally with wax plugs up his nose, cotton mask over his mouth. “Liu shibo has stolen the whole peak’s clean linens!”

Omegaverse au. Prob one of the few gen omegaverse au’s in existence 😂 but it’s so funny and so good

[themiracleofteddybearmanifestos]

I know I'm late to the party but I just watched Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe and I have a LOT of thoughts.

I think this was a terrible adaptation.

I think it was a beautifully produced and well acted movie, and maybe without having read the book it would have been fine, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't separate it from its source material because some of the changes were just horrible.

I know you can't keep everything in, that's fine. You cut some things, you rearrange some stuff, you fit within your runtime. But why change some of the most crucial/beautiful moments? I have a long, long list of quotes that were either removed or just horribly altered/misplaced and it's so disappointing.

Getting rid of Mrs. Quintana grasping Ari's face and saying, "Aristotle Mendoza, I will love you forever" is so sad. Changing what Gina said, that Ari says is the "nicest thing you ever said to me" to be something totally mundane (essentially changed "you got hunkier" to "you look different") is just an odd choice. But changing the way Ari reacts to kissing Dante? That's horrible.

Ari was done horribly in this movie, I'm sorry. The actor did great and he was lovely in certain moments, but they took out what made him shine. I have a friend who said they didn't like the book because Dante deserved so much better, and I disagreed. Book Ari has moments where he's an asshole, but at his core he is a kind and loving boy who is grateful and appreciative. Film Ari is a sometimes sweet boy who is more often than not just rude.

I can understand some changes have to be made when adapting a first person POV novel, that's fair, but you can absolutely use body language and other visual cues to give insight. This is especially clear with Ari's dad, who in the book is understandably difficult for Ari to get along with. He's distant and intimidating and doesn't want to be open. But in the movie he just seems like a sad dad trying his best to talk to his teenage son, and Ari is completely rude and cold to him for no apparent reason! Film Ari does not thank or hug his parents when they give him a car. Film Ari does not say goodnight to his father or listen when his father wants to show him a painting. Idk exactly how that all plays out in the book since I forget a lot, but the important thing is that all we are shown is his father trying and Ari being rude in response. His motivation is unclear and his behavior is selfish.

Now, one of the biggest crimes is what happens in the truck after Dante and Ari kiss. First off, change of location from Dante's room to the truck ... Okay sure. But I have no idea how you can first off, totally alter this scene and omit a very important quote:

"I don’t kiss boys.” “Okay, so the first rule is: No trying to kiss Ari.”

"You have the harder rule? Buffalo shit... I, on the other hand, have to refrain from kissing the greatest guy in the universe—which is like walking barefoot on hot coals." (Pgs 256-257)

And then completely and entirely warp this scene:

So I closed my eyes.

And he kissed me. And I kissed him back.

And then he started really kissing me. And I pulled away.

"Well?" he said.

"Didn't work for me," I said.

"Nothing?"

"Nope."

"Okay. It sure worked for me."

"Yeah. I think I get that, Dante."

"So, well, that's over with then, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Are you mad at me?"

"A little."

He sat back down on his bed. He looked sad. I didn't like seeing him that way. "I'm more mad at myself," I said. "I always let you talk me into things. It's not your fault."

"Yeah," he whispered.

"Don't cry, okay?"

"Okay," he said.

"You're crying."

"I'm not."

"Okay."

"Okay." (Pgs. 263-264)

HOW do you turn that into Ari calling Dante disgusting and screaming at him to get the fuck out of his car??? That's the fucking breaking point for me, because Ari is a lot of things, but an outright aggressive homophobe is not one of them. Maybe I'm forgetting, and maybe something similar happens later and they just rearranged it. But I know for a FACT that Ari NEVER calls Dante disgusting. Never. Because the word disgusting appears once in this book and Gina says it to Ari. That's it, not a single other usage.

That's what broke it for me, even though I had a lot of issues with other parts (Ari not saying thank you about the truck, removing the shoe-throwing game, getting rid of so much important dialogue, etc.) THIS is the thing that was unacceptable because even when Ari was mad at Dante, he didn't hurt him. He didn't immediately go back on his loyalty he'd just sworn, to stay by Dante even though he's gay. He didn't scream at him or curse him.

But I also just couldn't stand how much of the beautiful writing was completely removed. I love that book because it's poetic and full of quips and oddities. Dante in the movie is cute and sweet, but the oddest thing shown about him is that he wears silly sunglasses. We're told he's weird, and get little glimpse of it, but the heart of Dante is not there. In the book he feels a little mystified and hard to fully grasp, but in the movie he's just... There. A shell, almost. He's still lovable, but he's not wholly Dante. It's like an afterimage of Dante, which is impressive because he was very personable in the movie, but that just shows how enchanting Dante is in the book. He's hard to pin down, but he's not hollow. I think a big issue was that a lot of the time, Dante seemed hurt by Ari. Genuinely disheartened, rather than laughing it off until he couldn't anymore, he was kind of just sad? I don't know. We had the bones of something beautiful with this movie, really, but they just didn't do it right.

Again, the loss of the poeticism and the changes to Ari are what hurt it the most. Movie Ari has very sweet moments where the book character shines through, but he takes himself too seriously in a way where it feels like we're supposed to as well. Ari is lame! He's an awkward teenager with a lot of angst because he's figuring things out and struggling to find his place in the universe, but movie Ari isn't that at all. He's just brooding and downright mean at times. His reactions to the things around him were so hollow and uncaring, and maybe that's how he looked from the outside, but again, this story was not told from the outside and completely loses it's effect when you can't tell what he's feeling or thinking because he just seems mad or disinterested. Not all the time, there were some incredible scenes. I loved him talking with his parents after he beat up Julian. I loved the final scene with the kiss. I think his reaction worked well when hearing about his aunt's girlfriend. But damnit that was lost to me the moment he called the most brilliant boy he'd ever met "disgusting."

Overall, I don't regret watching the movie and I loved some of the scenes and think the music and atmosphere were great. But I'm heartbroken over the fact that so much of the nuance was completely lost. Even if there was some nuance present in the movie, it was far, far less than in the book.

(Less structured bonus points because this rant was messy enough but I have more to say): Dante told him not to open the sketchbook until he was gone. In the movie Ari opened it right up and made a kind of rude comment. Next: so many important bonding moments were removed. Dante giving Ari a sponge bath and them visiting with each other every day Ari was in the hospital. The shoes were significantly played down to the point where the sentimentality of the little shoes was almost lost. Also: The letters were so entirely diminished. And: Ari's brother killed two people, not just the trans woman but also someone in jail. Bro I haven't read this book in multiple years and I'm able to recount this much, I don't even want to think about how glaringly off it all is when I've read the whole book to compare. (If any of my points were wrong, I blame this. But I'm pretty sure most of them are right.)

I loved the end of the movie tho lol I'm always a sucker for a sweet scene and Dante's actor killed it with the eye acting in that scene, the emotions were palpable.

[howlsmovinglibrary]

You mentioned in the tags of a recent post what you’d change about Funny Story to make it a different book. Would you mind elaborating on what you meant by that? I’m curious!

hey anon, thank you for being a massive enabler bc this has in fact been my special topic for the last 48hrs.

I want to state off the bat that I still gave this book 4.75 stars. I really, really enjoyed it. That being said, I'd literally rewrite the entire thing to get it to 5.

Answer under the cut to avoid spoilers! (also shout out to @eldritchcow bc these ideas are not formed alone but through a series of ranting voice notes lmfao)

The premise of Funny Story is that two exes move in with each other after their partners run away together - the main character, Daphne, has her wedding cancelled as a result, and Miles, the love interest, also gets a pretty crap deal bc his girlfriend literally breaks up with him via A NOTE ON THE KITCHEN COUNTERTOP, before running off on holiday with another man (after they hook up AT HIS BACHELOR PARTY. DAPHNE AND MILES DESERVED TO DO VIOLENCE). Miles and Daphne move in together, a series of circumstances means that Daphne tells her ex they are now dating, and that Miles will be her plus to the NEW WEDDING that they have been INVITED TO.

Personally, I think this - two exes move in, fake date, develop feelings - is such a juicy set up for a novel, that it could carry the whole plot. But at about the halfway mark, a bunch of other stuff - family drama, friendship drama - is bought in for the third act conflict. The exes and all their drama fades to the background, and its no longer about this Very Juicy Set Up, which I think is a shame. I think that the premise could've carried the entire plot and that there was no need to bring in additional conflict... except that Emily Henry is known for adding conflicts outside of romance to her novels (creating well-rounded, 'feminist' characters - I'm not being mean, that is just the perception of it and what she is known for) and that this is thus more brand appropriate. By the same logic, it is 'less feminist' of me to argue that the book should've been more about the romance.

But it should've been more about the romance.

If I rewrote/re-edited this book, I would do the following.

Make Daphne and Miles be messier people. These two characters behave like FUCKING SAINTS, while their exes are awfully and affably evil. I've had multiple friends say that Daphne should've hit Peter (her ex) with a car. I don't necessarily think that would've been the way, but I think she should've made much more spiteful decisions. I think Henry is very concerned in stressing that these are Two Very Goody and Utterly Blameless main characters, but I think they should've gotten a little spite as a treat, actually.

And the spite they should've gotten as a treat is - fucking each other.

As is the way with romance books, there are certain 'acceptable thresholds' for smut/romance scenes. So I get it, I really do. But Daphne and Miles only bang once it's a healthy decision... and I'll be honest, it would've been sexier if they had had sex in an unhealthy place. (for the people who've read the book: kiss at the drunk night out with Gil, sex at the truck or before the truck, then Sex With Real Feelings at the point where they actually have sex)

If they had had sex out of spite/petty revenge first, then the entire plot of the book could've been around 'catching feelings' and this would still have been a totally valid character arc. I would've liked to have seen more questionable decisions that are still somewhat about the exes - more of the 'are we doing this for them or for ourselves?' conflict which is microdosed at the midway point - and then feelings developing, and then making the 'no I actually really like you so we can't do this for the wrong reasons anymore' be the final sex scene before the third act conflict

Two things would be vastly improved by this change: 1. a weird scene where Miles sees Daphne in her former wedding dress, and they really should've fucked? but they don't? because that would be the tiniest bit weird??? (like, slightly weird and messy, in such the smallest way, but I think it was sanitised down for that reason) 2. the fact that their exes break up and call-off their wedding off screen. Have them break up at the rehearsal dinner that Miles/Daphne are attending, actually. Then you have your third act conflict.

The third act conflict of Funny Story is insane, convoluted, and unrelated to the story, IMO. Is it still well written? YES. Emily Henry, you will always be famous. But my favourite parts of it were 1. both Miles and Daphne get caught in their exes' orbit as they break up, and this causes them both to doubt their relationship (shout out to Miles having such low self esteem that he automatically thinks they're back together, I understand you king) 2. Daphne fucks up a promise she made to a friend (but bc she's not allowed to be a bad person - see the first point - it's for totally understandable reasons), leading her to wonder if she's just become part of another couple, where she's swapped one man and his house for another man, and his house. I personally think that these VERY MINOR FOOTNOTES in what is ACTUALLY the third act conflict... are a third act conflict in and of themselves. And... if we go back to what I said about Emily Henry being known for Feminism™, the second part of that is a totally valid trope/feminist critique to dig into in depth that would, if given time to breathe, be 'on brand'.

In this book, Miles drives 2hrs to try and get Daphne's shitty dad to come back to her. Where is this energy, for Peter? I think, Miles should've punched Peter, as a treat. And Petra should've had more scenes, so that she actually had a personality beyond 'being hot'.

I think we should've had a messy wedding scene. Daphne and Miles are each others plus ones, but they never get to attend bc the wedding is called off. But that wedding?!!! or that rehearsal dinner?!!! IS THAT NOT THE STUFF THAT THIRD AT CONFLICTS DREAM OF???

TLDR - I think Funny Story should've had more sex, and been more about the romance premise and the kind of fucked up, messy choices and weird feelings that premise engendered. I think the third act should've been connected to pre-existing conflicts, instead of creating new ones. I think Miles and Daphne could've had a little revenge, as a treat. They should've allowed to be sexy and weird about it.

[creedock]

Can I ask for some jury headcannons please???

indeed you may

Alastor

-wears heeled shoes to make himself taller

-helps manage the jury's funds despite that absolutely not being in his job description

-i kinda have two separate sexuality/backstory headcanons for him that i frequently switch between lmao

-the first one is that he is a closet gay from a fairly wealthy family. he also has a wife and a child who he does not speak to or even think about a lot. deadbeat dad with INTENSE internalised homophobia.

-alternatively, he is transmasc + bi and also an actual immortal vampire who founded the jury hundreds of years ago as like. a scam that got out of hand. no ones realised its him yet because he keeps faking his death and then popping back up within the organisation.

-secret enjoyer of trashy vampire romance novels (writes fanfiction) (would kill anyone who found out immediately)

Lorelei

-has back problems that prevented her from actually being a dancer

-was in a lot of competitions/pageants growing up, kinda has a fucked up sense of self worth

-relies on her curse a lot in her manipulation and stuff, cos without it shes kinda. not a great liar??? like she just has a lot of trouble sounding genuine

-VERY dry and sarcastic sense of humour, can also be quite mean-spirited even if unintentionally

-has cut contact with her entire family, literally the only people she actually speaks to on the regular casually are alastor and diana

-she and alastor have private bitching sessions together where they talk shit about everyone else in the jury. they are besties your honor

Diana

-lesbian lesbian lesbian LESBIAN LESBIAN

-has a specific (all-female) group of jury captains she surrounds herself with. its basically just a massive polycule

-while on duty shes terrifying, very cold and detached, off duty shes actually pretty chill

-her reason for joining the jury isnt that she wants to destroy witches and more that she wants to protect non-magic folk and sees the jury as the best way to do this

-i could see her getting a redemption arc of sorts somewhere down the line where she starts seeing the many faults in the jury and changes her opinion

-she can play the guitar and will sometimes do little performances alongside lorelei by like. campfires and stuff for fun

Lance

-you can pry aussie lance from my cold dead hands

-he and alastor fucking hate each other. literally the only time lance can be remotely subtle about his emotions is when hes making passive aggressive jabs at al.

-surprisingly really good hygeine for a nasty little rat man, still ends up smelling like blood sweat leather and piss half the time anyway

-has to be tied up after large battles so he doesn't immediately loot every corpse in sight (he has severe kleptomania)

-calls people gay as an insult while tenderly kissing bandy on the mouth

-has a habit of developing intense one-sided rivalries with literally everyone he interacts with, eira is the only person to have actually reciprocated this which is why they are. like that.

Bandy

-has never been to clown school, doesn't even have a license to clown

-keeps dyeing his hair to a slightly different shade of ginger despite already being a natural ginger and wearing a hat most of the time, this is purely to fuck with people

-keeps trying to sneak into alastor and lorelei's bitching sessions

-the high juror keeps trying to have him fired, but he just keeps coming back

-actively embezzling funds. where are they going? who knows.

-hes meant to be morally grey, and i think thats how he'll stay. like the idea of a bandy redemption is nice its just. it would be more interesting for him to switch sides at a moments notice, and to instead put the work into redeeming a less morally grey character

Dock

-basically lives in a laboratory in the basement of the jury headquarters. said laboratory is filled with all sorts of medical equipment, preserved gore, and even a couple saw traps

-he also has a pit full of giant man eating leeches with a chair placed precariously over it. why? because he fucking can

-despite his status as a quack, hes actually pretty good at fixing any problems or ills his patients have. the issue is that he never says what he's curing. he could be removing your stomach pains, or he could be removing the part of your brain that controls your sense of self! its a gamble with him

-there are no records of where he's from. no one knows where he comes from, how old he is, or even his real name. any answers he gives are either entirely nonsensical or very contradictory

-under his mask he's either very hairy or very bald

-always insists that he's a pacifist and will obey the hippocratic oath. this is false.

there you go! feel free to fight me on any of these lmao but remember these are just my personal headcanons.

[used-to-love-her-06]

So What, Who Cares?

author’s note: my first request! i’m not entirely used to writing fluff, but it was really sweet and kind of made me wish i was sick so i could get taken care of…it was requested by a mutual of mine (it was NOT anon despite the ask being anon, i know who you are and it’s perfectly ok!) who wrote me a susan and duff threesome fic so i hope it is a good enough gift to return the favor. also this is really sweet, did i mention that? i also titled this after something my 12 grade english teacher used to say all the time to get us to elaborate more in our essays, i felt like this would be something slash would say too but not about timed essays on hockey novels LMAOOOO

summary: date failed successfully…?

contains: slash x f!reader, fluff, comfort, sick!reader, cuddles, reader being taken care of, F!POV, nausea/vomit TW (no one actually does it, it’s just a mention)

story under the cut! word count: 1,153

I woke up early again. It was five in the morning, I didn’t even have anything to do until six pm when I was supposed to go out to dinner with my boyfriend. Normally I wake up this early because I’m excited to see him, to the point where my adrenaline is so high it wakes me up long before I’m supposed to even get ready for our dates. This time, however, I only woke up to my left nostril being clogged, my head pounding, and a puddle of sweat on my pillow and surrounding my body. Hopefully, I could still go on that date tonight. It’ll be the first time we’ve seen each other in a week. I laid in bed, staring at the wall right in front of me as I contemplated my plans for the rest of the day, that is, until I fell back asleep. I woke up again at 1pm. My head was still hurting, I was no longer sweating, and my right nostril was now clogged instead. I figured I’d have to at least attempt to live like normal before cancelling. I winced at the thought. I fought with the aches in my body to get out of bed, sitting up was a challenge. I only got to the floor when I heard my phone ringing from the dining room. Groggily, I walked, and then crawled, to the phone and leaned against a chair as I answered it. “Hello…?” I asked. Then I heard a concerned voice on the phone back. “Love, are you alright? You sound like the depths of hell.” Slash said. I groaned once I realized it was him, not because I hated him, but because I’d have to tell him our date was off for tonight. “I’m fine, really…” I then sneezed and coughed. “That doesn’t sound like you’re fine. You’re sick, aren’t you?” I felt tears forming in my eyes, was he really mad at me? “Y-yeah…I’m sorry…really sorry…” “Don’t be. You can’t control that. How about I come over instead of going out tonight, hm?” There was a hint of urgency in his voice. “You’ll get sick too. I don’t want you coming over and getting sick because of me. We can stay on the phone…” “Nope. I don’t care if I get sick, I need to see you. I’ll be there in 20 whether you like it or not. Love you.” Before I could tell him I loved him as well, he hung up the phone. I also hung up the phone, and sat down on the couch, waiting for him to arrive. I knew I couldn’t eat anything, I had fierce nausea and knew as soon as I tried to eat my usual breakfast, I’d vomit.

Just as he said, Slash knocked on my door twenty minutes after our phone call ended. I got up from my seat on the couch, walking up to the door. I unlocked it and immediately fell into his arms, already about to cry again. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here now. Let’s get you back inside.” He shut the door behind him and lead me to my couch and sat me down on it. He was standing in front of me, a blanket in his hand along with a basket filled with who knows what. Slash wrapped the blanket around me and set the basket down. I smiled up at him. He kissed me briefly before taking my face in his hands. “I’m gonna make you some soup, you stay there and pick something from the tapes to watch, alright?” I nodded in response, blushing up at him, though I was weary of him cooking. He was bound to burn something whether it be on accident or on purpose. I reach into the basket and notice he brought a few tapes over. He brought a couple of slasher films with him, and I closed my eyes shut. Watching one of those in my current state would definitely not be ideal to say the very least. Slash took notice as he was taking the soup out of the can and into a bowl and laughed. “What, you don’t like my movie choices?” His smile and his laugh were almost enough to stop the sniffles, and I already felt my fever going down just from looking at him. I even felt bad for not wanting to watch them with him, he was just too intoxicating to resist. At that moment, I found a Cinderella tape. It was uncharacteristic for him, at least that’s what I thought. I held it up and pointed towards the tape. “You wanna watch that?” I nodded back before getting up and trying to put the tape into the player, but my body was too weak to move. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll get it when I give you your food. You just sit your pretty self down and don’t worry about a thing.” A sigh escaped my lips as I closed my eyes. He was right, I should just sit down and let myself be taken care of, but there was still part of me that wanted to get up and move around. I still sat down regardless, imagining Slash wrapped around me as I almost fell asleep.

That was when he sat down right next to me. The blanket was wrapping around the both of us, and my eyes fluttered to the smell of tomatoes. He didn’t burn anything, it came out just right. “You probably shouldn’t be in the blanket with me. You’ll get sick.” I insisted. “So what? Who cares? If my girl is in need, I’m there. I want to take care of you and I’m going to do it. If I do get sick, that just means we can cuddle all we want.” Slash then took a spoonful of the soup and held it up to my mouth. My face heated up again as I felt my stomach turn. As much as I enjoyed tomato soup, I wasn’t sure if I could eat. I still had to try. I took the spoon in my mouth and swallowed the soup, looking up at him to avoid thinking about the food. It worked for a bit, and for a couple more bites before he instantly noticed my face. “Let’s save this for later and just watch the movie, hon.” He put the soup back up on the counter before he put on the movie. Slash’s chest was one of the most comfortable places I’ve ever been in. His curls were serving as a luxuriously soft shield for my neck, and the blanket wrapped around the both of us made it even cozier. I wasn’t even watching at this point, I was just about to sleep. I felt him kiss the top of my head before telling me goodnight, and that was when I fell into my slumber.

[hiroukeimou]

Mild thoughts on Volume 4.

So, I'm still processing the season finale, and my vol.4 of the light novel thankfully arrived in the mail yesterday to lift my mood. So I figured I'd do a post about it instead.

Spoilers under the cut.

I'll start light:

Bridget is far more likeable and understandable in the light novel. She actually treats Shall decently (for a slave, if you can believe) by eating meals with him at a table. Also, her feelings for her family and those of the workshop are far clearer. She also oddly talks to Anne early on about the First Silver Sugar tale. It's a uniquely cute conversation I wish was in the anime because it's one of the few moments where Bridget's kindness is on full display because not only does she not punish Shall for laughing at her naivety but she actually talks to Anne in a civil manner.

On the note of Bridget, at the very end of the volume, we're clued in to how she obtains Rafael as a companion fairy. He simply shows up at her back door in the middle of the night and she's smitten with his looks.

I don't have many notes on the workshop beyond the side characters like King and Orland receiving more backstory and lines of dialogue. Orland's feelings for Bridget are clearer in the light novel.

Glen, on the other hand, is fascinating. He's a strict father who does in fact get pissed off that his daughter is isolating a fairy alongside herself. However, one big difference from the anime is during the time Glen is in possession of Shall's wing. In the anime, Shall is relieved to swap hands; however, in the light novel, there is no relief because of how strict Glen feels as a person. Even Anne points out internally how Glen is treating Shall like an object. That said, Glen is roughly how he is in the anime, he gives Shall direct orders but like Anne in the first volume, he doesn't intend to punish Shall for disobeying. And he does tell Elliot to give the wing to Anne if their workshop is chosen for the selection.

Finally, on my notes, we have Shall himself. And, of course, this is kind of why the light novel is necessary to understand the anime...

The guy's inner thoughts and dialogue are so interesting. I personally loved reading through his feelings on Anne during this volume. Unironically, Shall feels sorry for Bridget midway through the volume. Apparently, he was owned by a noble child in the past who acted similar to Bridget (and Rafael in his earlier stages): The person desired his affections because they had never been loved themselves and they treated Shall alright but of course Shall doesn't like being owned so the child would lash out whenever Shall wasn't being complacent. Although Shall feels sympathy towards Bridget, he refuses to be kind to her even after his wing trades hands to Glen.

The situation with Anne is unique in the light novel: Shall is a "say one thing, mean another" type of guy. He is already noticing his feelings for Anne as early as his first meeting with her in the book. Shall knows he'll be punished if Bridget sees him but he desperately wants to see Anne. And, by the time his wing has changed hands to Glen, Shall is admitting internally that his love for Anne is like Liz's love for him. Although, the near-kiss in the anime is purely an anime-only thing. In the light novel, Mythril is there the entire time, and it's all his imagination because he wondered earlier if kissing Anne would cause her to fluster and yell or run off crying (he loves teasing Anne, I swear), and he has an urge to again here, and Mythril interrupts his thoughts like in the anime. Afterwards, Shall covers his face and thinks: "Did I look like I wanted her that badly?" Even at the end of the volume, Shall still wants to kiss Anne, he's close enough that Anne "feels his warm breath on her lips", and only apparently chooses to kiss her forehead for a blessing last minute.

The trio scenes are adorable: Anne thinks of Shall and Mythril as basically family throughout this volume. It's what they are to her. So when Shall is back in their room, Mythril is so happy he's climbing all over Shall who holds him by his collar as usual whilst Mythril is trying to essentially hug Shall (in a sense).

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the volume. Can't wait to read vol.5, things will get interesting. If anyone wants to add their own thoughts later, feel free.

[cielsosinfel]

It's been a while since I've written a Reading Log update, but that's because it's been a while since I finished a book. I've been doing so much reading and stressing over college that is' very hard to focus on reading for fun. But, I want to talk about a book I meant to write up my thoughts on months ago.

The Safekeep by Yael van der Wouden.

(this is REALLY LONG under the cut)

I actually won this in a GR giveaway that I entered on a whim, just because it came up when filtering to LGBTQ books lol. Was surprised to receive an ARC in the mail a week later! And dear god am I glad because it ended up being one of my favorite books I've read in ages. The book was released around a week ago and I really think it's worth checking out.

It is historical fiction, set in The Netherlands in the 1960s. I described it on BluSky as thus when I first started it: "lesbian psychological drama about siblings in post war Netherlands and some kind of toxic erotically charged mess between a hella neurotic woman and her would-be sister-in-law"BUT ITS SO MUCH MORE. Even before we get into the fact this is a novel that is really about the Holocaust. Yes, it IS an erotically charged mess between our hella neurotic PoV protagonist, Isabel, living alone in the house she'd grown up in yet does not own, and being forced to host her would-be sister-in-law Eva, who stands to own the house if she marries Isabel's playboy younger brother, who will gain possession as soon as he marries and settles down to start a family. Isabel is terrified of losing the only place she feels she can exist, to losing this one last connection to her mother, her place of safety where she is in control. Isabel is 30 years old, solitary, quiet, anxious, struggles to empathize with others or express herself; Eva is a wrecking-ball of energy, of airheaded youthful irreverence, trying so hard to ingratiate herself to Isabel, who has decided from the first meeting to hate her guts, and Eva isn't helping by pushing back against Isabel's controlling nature and boundaries over and over and over.

Of course that boundary-pushing while forced to live with one another leads to kissing leads to fucking, and Isabel, who is a 30 year old virgin terrified of the idea of kissing or having sex with a man she reluctantly allows to "court her since people /expect/ her to allow it, has an explosive sexual awakening and an awakened all-devouring hunger for this woman who represents so much of what she finds distasteful in life.

Honestly, the sex scenes in this book are some of the hottest I have read ever, at all, in traditionally-published lesbian or F/F fiction, wither literary or genre. They're incredibly visceral, straightforward and not shying away from the actual physicality of intimacy, of fucking, not dancing around naming the body and the ways these women touch and penetrate one another. It's such a breath of fresh air from writing that carefully refuses to say that a woman's fingers is going in another woman's cunt and getting her wet. The desperate possessiveness is palpable; the fact Isabel is such a repressed mess of a virgin but ends up becoming the partner who so often takes charge, pushes, claims, like she's been denied life-giving waters her whole life and now she's desperate to slake her thirst, is soooooooo wonderfully depicted. THIS is the adulthood loss of virginity I am here for.

But as I said before, this is also a book about the Holocaust, about the post-war years where Dutch Christian society was desperate to "move on" and ignore their complicity in the horrors suffered by the Jewish community of The Netherlands, of the betrayals and thefts that were never acknowledged, the lives that were never returned. To be honest, the summary of the book on the cover or GR didn't mention the Holocaust at all, I assume because it's a huge spoiler for the twist of the novel, but it is the moment of history that the entire story and the lives of these characters revolve around. And Eva! Dear fucking god, Eva is one of the most carefully, thoughtfully written characters struggling with long-term un-treated badly-coping trauma I have read in fucking years. Eva deserves everything good in the world.

I will also not spoil where the story leads to, but I did say this on Bluesky:

got to the third part of this novel and been completely sideswiped yet again in how painfully emotionally gutting harrowing this prose is exploring christian european antisemitism post-ww2 post-holocaust i really hope this novel wins the author a lot of awards for this debut novel its 3am and i cant type, i was just sitting on the floor of my bathroom unable to stop reading as soon as the format of the narrative changed and it just did not stop. i had to force myself to stop reading it. god. also i have to say Eva is one of the most well written characters exemplifying what could be CPTSD/BPD i've read in sooooooooo long. well written traumatized characters. i love her and want her to have even a smidge of happy ending by the end of this

A lot of this book is about taking what people give you on the surface, the masks they put up to keep others from looking too deeply, the masks they put up to keep from having to look into /themselves/ too deeply, and having them torn away from their face until they and all the ugly, ugly, terrified parts of themselves are laid bare and vulnerable. A lot of it is about those in positions of privilege, positions of societal power, being terrified of looking too deeply into the past and acknowledging where they and their families are complicit in the suffering of others and the destruction of lives. Isabel and Eva give each other so much, and then ruin one another so thoroughly, and then come back together over and over, and the ending is such a bittersweet one, a "are they really going to manage through all this?" end, but I loved it so much.

Anyway, TL;DR, yes I recommend this book a lot.

Also it has one of the best "coming out to your siblings" exchanges I've ever read.

Bonus for symbolic horny pear-eating metaphors haunting hella-repressed in-denial lesbians:

[mengyan]

Hello! If you have read the novel, could you give us some details about Furong and Mofang? :) I am curious about their story since the drama unfortunately doesn't show much about them

sure anon! actually speaking, as the drama’s script was also written by jiu lu fei xiang (aka the author of the novel), she’s doing a fantastic job of expanding further on mo fang and fu rong’s relationship! there are actually more moments and, in a way, feelings between them in the drama compared to the novel. but that’s just my opinion as someone who has seen both!

in the novel, this is what we get (WARNING FOR PLOT SPOILERS):

the selling tickets thing doesn’t happen in the novel. mo fang and fu rong first meet when fu rong gets drunk in that wine shop. mo fang is furious at him for dragging shen li’s reputation down with him and thus goes to pick him up, taking him away. before he can do so, fu rong says he has “eyes like stars, with such soul” and kisses him in front of everyone. mo fang is dumbstruck but the second he recovers, he immediately knocks fu rong out before dragging him home. this scene was edited slightly to attempt to pass censorship and presumably filmed, but ended up being cut— thus resulting in that weird cut to the knockout and a shorter runtime of the final produced episode (which was only 36 mins).

although in the novel it is not explicitly stated how fu rong ends up grabbing mo fang’s pendant, he does do so while drunk (i headcanon that it happens while mo fang drags him back) and he does spend a long while trying to return it to him, just like in the drama. jlfx actually managed to keep 95% accuracy of their scenes and lines said, with the 5% amount of deviation due to censorship.

one of the lines cut was mo fang saying that he's "never hated/never been more annoyed by anyone in his entire life" which i wish they kept but it's okay

when xing zhi ends up clarifying that mo fang was rejected by shen li, fu rong is overjoyed and says something like “this is a good chance for me [to pursue him] then!!”

again, like the drama, fu rong is kicked and escapes to the mortal realm, and when fu rong returns, he clings every day to mo fang’s side. one detail i like that the drama added was that we got to see mo fang regret it and hold out his hand to help him up, but fu rong didn’t know he was trying to help and fled!! 😭

you lan still warns mo fang to stay away from fu rong and says all that stuff about how her brother normally doesn’t pursue men like this, like i am not kidding when i say jlfx is keeping everything she can

this is where plot spoilers begin so look away if you must!

while the demon realm is in crisis, mo fang is “swallowed” by demons upon fighting them, and “dies”. when fu rong finds this out, we learn from you lan that he went crazy, his spiritual power exploded, and because his powers are so pure, he ended up washing out all of the colour of his plants and exploded his courtyard.

he was unconscious for a long time, and when he woke up, he learned of mo fang’s betrayal, which broke his heart even further. he became silent and uncommunicative and did not let anyone fix his courtyard, so it’s still broken to this day.

from then on, fu rong dresses in plainer clothes (as if he's mourning... 😭) and swears to work hard to help guard the xutian abyss's barrier for the rest of time.

from one of he yu (fu rong) and xin yunlai (mo fang)'s interviews, it seems like we will be getting a lot more of their bond in the drama which makes me really excited! xin yunlai says that mo fang eventually ends up finding fu rong quite cute and that he doesn't want such a cute and kind person to be in danger. he yu says that later, when mo fang is revealed as a traitor, fu rong is the first to believe that he's not a bad person, and that he understands mo fang the most.

suffice to say i am NOT READY for the second half of this drama!! i hope this helps you out, anon!

[mumufic]

From a rivamika regency AU wip

So, yeah. This is a WIP. It's a little too romance novel, I think, but I have not written sex or kissing in a while and I'm up to the gills in gothic romance books anyway.

Excerpt under the cut.

"Mikasa," he said, and her name rolling of his tongue sent a jolt through her. She missed so much and yet she knew already she could not stay. She would never stay, and she did not know how to respond if he asked her. "Look at me. Please."

She looked up at that. Levi was not a man who said please. It had to do with the upbringing of the gentry, with everything handed to them on a silver platter by virtue of nothing more than the accident of birth. It was why she understood his bitter reaction to her disappearance and sudden return many years later.

But all the anger and bitterness she remembered when he'd yelled at her to leave and never return had already melted, as if it had no space in his face, in his eyes, when it came to her. His eyes were dark once more, silver ringing black, half-lidded as he leaned in close, capturing her chin between gloved fingers. He tilted her face close to his so there were but scant inches between their faces.

"You were right. I have been an incorrigible cad to you for not hearing you out," he said. "Now that I know what you had gone through, the serendipity of you being here now, with me, is something I cannot waste. I'll not ask you to stay; I could never, though every part of me wishes you would. But I cannot let you go, not now, perhaps not ever, if I do not kiss you. Will you let me?"

Her mouth parted for a breathless moment as she registered the dark gleam in his gaze, the anticipation of her reply. "Yes," she breathed.

When they first kissed as teenagers, they had both fumbled. Noses bumping, awkward lips dry at first, and as their kisses deepened, flooded with too much saliva. It had been the awkwardness of young love coupled with the enthusiasm as such only teenagers in exploration of their sexuality could only manage.

There was none of that now. Both of them have matured and grown in experience with different partners. What didn't change was that burst of magic, that spark of rightness in her veins as Levi brushed his mouth to hers. Once, twice, then he parted his lips and trailed little nipping kisses on her bottom lip to coax her to open for him and engage in something deeper, something headier.

His kisses then, as with now, grew all-consuming, transporting her out of the dusk in the wild moors of the estate and into a universe in which only the two of them existed. Where time and distance no longer mattered for as long as their lips were locked, their tongues entwined, their hands questing to brace against each other. Mikasa twined her arms around his neck while Levi snaked an arm around her waist, muscles flexing to tug her closer, closer, until she sat in his lap, her legs bracketing his hips, her dress askew, the hem climbing up bare thighs.

His mouth relinquished hers and she hazily thought that yes, they should perhaps stop for breath before her lungs burst out of her chest. But he only did so to move his kisses down her chin, her jaw, nipping at her neck, and sucking a trailing path of fire to her collar as his hands moved over her body, once smoothing up her thigh, under the fabric of her skirt, the other gliding up the bodice of her dress to tentatively, then boldly, cup under her breast.

She whimpered when he bit her very delicately over the pulse point under her ear, then soothed it with kittenish laves of his tongue. The hand under her breast crept up to tug her cardigan off one shoulder so he could kiss the skin he bared there. She helped, unwinding her arms from around his neck to peel the cardigan off entirely.

"You are," he whispered, "as exquisite as I remember."

And then he tilted her head back, one hand supporting her neck, so he could kiss down her collarbone to the top of her breasts tantalizingly exposed by the sweetheart neckline of her dress. Her whole body was aflame despite the chill of the night air, and it was not only from the heat of his kisses that grew more bold as she pushed herself up to meet him every time, his face buried in the suggestive cleft her breasts made pushed together by the tight bodice of her dress. Her clothed core pressed against where she could feel him similarly affected and aroused by their kisses. It was almost as if he intended to couple with her clothed, like they could make love out here, in the open, with nothing but the spangled sky above them, the lonely moors around them.

"Mikasa," he murmured, moving up to kiss her neck, under her ear. "Mikasa."

Her eyes fluttered open - she had not even realized she had closed them - and she looked up at the pale brilliance of the cold stars, the quiet glow of the waxing gibbous moon. A cool breeze wafted from the glimmering waters of the lake, making the trees and the brambles around them whisper her name in echo of his passionate whispers.

[asmeninas]

favorite moments in riverdale and why

oh god you’ve opened a cursed vault that will devour the entire world… we’re all going to hell and it is your fault I hope you’re happy…

Starting from the fact that this is an impossible question to answer I will simply be listing things here as they come to mind until I reach z I cannot stress enough that I did not sit down and try to think of the correct answer to this

a) Cheryl’s twin brother Jason who was also two years older than her dies and he’s Archie because everyone just compares Archie to him and Jason’s mother cries at how much they look alike and Cheryl has a vision that Archie is Jason at homecoming and then Archie is nice to Cheryl as no one but Jason had ever been nice to Cheryl so she kisses him. Cheryl lives in a gothic novel what else can I say.

b) Jughead kisses Betty for the first time and has a nightmare with a bunch of married straight people and Betty is wearing a huge ass ring and Jughead wakes up from this nightmare in the closet where he’s been sleeping.

c) Can't pick one craziest Jarchie moment but I'll narrow it down to three: (1) You know I had this stupid idea the two of us could live together in new york. what, our girlfriends? Yeah they can be in new york just far away from us. (2) Jughead leaving Betty's empty fully furnished house with electricity because it didn't feel right to be there after they've broken up because she cheated on him with Archie and then moving in next door to Archie's completely empty house to sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor of Archie's completely empty bedroom and then they cut the electricity and he was there reading Dune by candlelight, this after just finding Archie literally made out with his girlfriend AND (3) the statue

d) 3x05 the great escape when jughead writes archie's escape from leopold & loeb juvie by being the dungeon master of the evil dungeons and dragons game

e) cheryl starting a religion based around her brother and ending up thinking she's a living saint then finding out the town burned her ancestor abigail in a late 19th century witch hunt which leads her to curse the whole town which works

f) when archie saw only the eyes of the serial killer who almost killed his dad who later died anyway because real life and went around town looking for him and he told hiram lodge this and said "i've been going house to house to" and hiram lodge said "stare into men's eyes?" and then two seasons later Archie tells the school counselor that he's been going out at night and she instantly just says oh you're going cruising at the gay forest.

g) when archie is attacked by a bear and his fever dying dreams are the best thing that's ever happened to archie understanders

h) when s5 jughead was stuck inside Taylor Swift's right where you left me (he's still at the restaurant!!!!!!)

i) anything Percival Pickens ever did I love you Percival I'm a s6 understander to the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

j) when Cheryl said they needed to sacrifice Archie for the maple trees to make maple and said "the most powerful kind blood is that of a--" and Archie said "Cheryl, I'm not a virgin!" and Cheryl is like "yeah I know you slut" and then she cut his heart out of his chest

k) when chapter one hundred the jughead paradox was sent down to us from the gods

l) when betty got a concussion from falling from her bike when she was 8 and the hospital just did a 23andme on her dna and found the serial killer genes which even her father, who's literally a serial killer, doesn't have

m) when veronica and cheryl made out to save the world and it didn't work actually but it worked for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

n) whenever someone tells archie he's a good boy and he's not dumb and has a good heart but without like. putting a bunch of heroic pressure on him. just hey archie. you don't need to do all this you're such a good boy!!!!! has this actually ever happened or did I dream I went into the show and said that. probably dream! anyway

o) OUT OF THE WAY BERT AND ERNIE

p) forget it, jughead. it's riverdale.

q) when tabitha

r) both times kj apa freely decided to kiss casey cott even though no one asked him to. I think the first time it might have been casey who decided but I still bet on kj.

s) when betty's literary hero, toni morrison, told her to not rush this time of her life because it all goes by so fast at her age, you know, like toni morrison would, and archie said wow that is so true @waystarbuttco knows what I'm talking about

t) greg araki directing an episode and thinking "wow yeah this is pretty gay that's crazy"

u) when there were three jugheads

v) hedwig's the origin of love

w) when cheryl gets to kiss women other than her show longterm girlfriend because I think she was made to just hook up with women and not be in one mostly boring relationship no offense

x) when part because of the storyline part because of real life it looked like Betty hated Jughead's guts and it was plausible she would have killed him even to her friends and tbh also plausible that she would kiss his best friend because she hates him as he later told her through voicemail coming up with my favorite description of betty, "cold fake duplicitous bitch" like yeah that's betty!!!!!!!!! that's betty at her best.

y) when they had superpowers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE HATE FUN AND THEY HATE ACTUAL COMIC BOOKS.

z) when i just turned 17 i'm master of my scene still something's sorta not completely cool yes i'm talking about the problem that i've got when things get chilly that is when i want them hot, it might sound silly but it bothers me a lot archie going left archie going right archie running any road that he can find archie never making up his all american mind making up his all american mind I LOOK AT OTHER GUYS with fire in their eyes they know the way their whole lives will play out me i don't have a clue of what i'm gonna do or even what my story is about i think it's time i make a big decision attack my problems with a sleek precision only then can i get rid of the vision of ARCHIE GOING LEFT ARCHIE GOING RIGHT ARCHIE RUNNING ANY ROAD THAT HE CAN FIND ARCHIE NEVER MAKING UP HIS ALL AMERICAN MIND MAKING UP HIS ALL AMERICAN MIND MAKING UP HIS ALL AMERICAAAN... MIND!

[yurisorcerer]

Now *this* is yuri. Gorgeous-as-hell sci-fi yuri, at that.

I'm gonna spoil the whole thing below the cut. If you just want a basic read/don't read recommendation I'd say this is quite good, maybe even great.

Our premise here is really simple. Two girls find an abandoned machine in a shed, and it turns out to be some kind of hyper-futuristic VR device that transports them to a virtual world, an abandoned cityscape overgrown with plants and populated by animals and the occasional strange being. On its own, "two girls wander around an abandoned place together" is inherently yuri, but Lily System doesn't stick to the subtextual.

Over the course of this story, we learn the precise contours of the relationship between our leads, Nana and Mizuki. Nana is the sensitive intellectual, whereas Mizuki is more forward (with her feelings, romantically, sexually, etc.) and is just a touch tomboyish. Together, they explore the surreal VR world while probing each other with questions about life. With Nana in particular, these tend to revolve around a novel she wrote---a novel whose plot, it gradually becomes clear, is a metaphor both in- and out-of-text for the plot of the manga itself---Mizuki is fond of accusing her book of being 'a lie,' and we only really get a sense of what that means at the end of the manga.

The girls eventually become lost, both literally and figuratively, within the VR world, encountering echoes of themselves who kiss in a bell tower, and haunted, animate school uniforms that seem determined to charge at them. When they begin appearing in the 'real world,' the girls realize they've been in the machine the entire time.

And yet, the conclusion they eventually reach is that maybe that's not so bad. In the manga's final act, we learn of Nana's forgotten middle school love confession to Mizuki, of Mizuki's regretted rejection of that confession, and how both of them seek to course correct now that they're a little older. In reality, Nana is headed to a college in Tokyo. Like the fairies in the book she wrote, she and Mizuki will be torn apart. It seems, for a moment, that Lily System will be a bittersweet tale, but that's not the direction things go in, and I think this decision to avoid the obvious take is what makes Lily System so memorable.

Instead of abandoning each other for the sake of a "realistic" reckoning with the outside world, Nana and Mizuki abandon the world. They retreat, somehow, into their virtual Eden. If they're ever heard from again, we don't hear about it.

The manga ends on this note, with Nana and Mizuki in each other's arms, in a paradise hidden to everyone else. They create their own space. It's a beautiful ending, and more than anything, it will absolutely fill you with yearning.

The art, it must be said, is gorgeous throughout, with mangaka Yoshitomi Akihito's landscapes conveying a real sense of a lost world. The character art is great, too, although fairly subtle. There are many little nods and expressions that give almost as much characterization of our lead girls as the dialogue does.

Notably! The manga also---ahem---climaxes with an actual intimate scene. It's kept tasteful, and I thought it made a great inflection point for the story, emphasizing that these two really are meant for each other.

All told, beautiful stuff. I have a few stray observations as well.

There's the curious existence of "Yuuko and Kousuke." This is an unrelated one-shot that seems to be grouped with Lily System for....reasons I'm not entirely clear on? Maybe someone else will know. It has little in common with Lily System in most terms, and it's not even a yuri, being about the budding relationship between a young boy and a girl and the former's first steps toward sexual development. Frankly, I didn't like it very much, but that might just be because of its odd juxtaposition with Lily System, which is just a much better and more interesting piece of work overall.

Secondly, Yoshitomi Akihito wrote this, as mentioned! If you recognize that name it might be from Eat-Man or Blue Drop, the two series he is, I think, best known for in the west. Certainly though, I had no idea that, from what I can tell from looking at his catalogue, at some point he pivoted to writing....well, stuff like this. Romance, or at least romantically-inflected, works about the relationships between people set in strange, detailed worlds. At least one of these (the "boy meets girl fantasy" of Hanako in the 24th Ward) appears to actually be a spinoff or distant sequel to Eat-Man. Interesting career this guy has had!

Apparently Blue Drop was also a yuri series, at least in part? I somehow didn't know that, how embarrassing.