#TEFL COVID

[corvid-language-library]

A life-changing moment

I was thinking the other day about how I came to be in Japan, and how my life could've been so very different had I not gone with my brother on the day he left for university.

You see, I had no interest in going to uni at age 16. Mostly because I was severely depressed and figured I wasn't going to make it to the end of my teens. My plans largely revolved around my band getting famous, or getting a book published, or being discovered by some acting talent scout (despite having exactly zero talent for acting) or something. I hated school and the thought of doing more school just sounded unbearable. My brother was the clever, academic one; not me. So when I went with him that morning in late September, I didn't expect anything to change.

Except I fell in love with the place. It wasn't school; it was a whole new world, with a lake and stunning architecture and gardens and people walking around in the kind of clothes I got bullied for wearing. So I did a complete 180 and decided (much to my father's despair) that I did want to go to uni after all.

While I was at uni, I made friends from all walks of life. All corners of the world. Specifically, Norway.

A couple of years later, I decided I missed being able to speak a second language (my French had been pretty good years before, but I'd forgotten most of it by that point). It was a toss-up between German, Norwegian and Finnish. German because I already knew some, had a cousin living in Cologne and figured it would be useful. Finnish because my music and pole dance idols were Finnish. Norwegian because I had a handful of friends I met at uni from Norway. I decided I wasn't that passionate about German, which left Finnish and Norwegian.

I decided on Finnish.

Went to the bookstore ready to start my journey. I went to the language section and... not a single book on Finnish. But there was a single Teach Yourself Norwegian book. And so, I picked that up instead, and thus started my Norwegian journey.

Fast forward a little and I find myself on langblr. I make lots of langblr friends and even, for a time, run a semi-popular blog. Norwegian was my one true love, of course; nothing could change that. Until someone I'd admired for years started learning Japanese. It was a language I'd always been somewhat interested in but completely adamant I could never learn because it's "too difficult". But seeing her study it made me curious. "Maybe I'll just try to learn some hiragana," I told myself.

If you've known me long enough, perhaps you'll remember that phase I went through where I completely denied I was learning Japanese. "I'll get bored of it," I kept saying. "It's fun right now because I'm in the beginner stage, but as soon as I have to put effort into it I'll give up."

And then I bought a nice notebook and a Japanese textbook and I started making flashcards and practising kanji. Oops.

Covid happened. I started teaching English online because I couldn't teach pole from home and I needed a new source of income. I liked it, but I hated being stuck behind a desk. I wanted to teach in a real classroom. I knew the possibility of getting a TEFL job in Norway was next to zero, especially with Brexit and all. But Japan...

And so I looked into it. And now I'm here.

I wonder how different my life would have been had I, on that unassuming Sunday morning in late September, opted to stay at home and play video games. Would I have ever gone to visit my brother at uni? Probably not; I didn't drive, and that's the year my mum got cancer and I got my first boyfriend, so it's not like I'd have had much inclination to go visit. And had I not seen that campus for myself, would I ever have gone to uni? Would I have made Norwegian friends? Would I have chosen to study Norwegian? Would I have stumbled upon langblr? Would I have made the same langblr friends? Would I have felt inspired to just try learning Japanese?

Maybe I would've found a different route here. Maybe I'd have found myself somewhere completely different.

It seems so silly to think that my life-changing moment was, actually, just the choice to leave the house one day. And yet.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, if anything at all. Perhaps all I'm trying to say is that life-changing moments don't just come up to you and punch you in the face; they're the result of long chains of actions that spiral wildly out of control, all starting from an unassuming Sunday morning when you decided to leave the house instead of rotting at home.

[diaryofalinguist]

Info

About me/Über mich/Acerca de mí:

- Val

- 19 (01/04/2005)

- UK

- They/she - sie/ihr - ella

- B2 Deutsch

- A2-B1 Español (no estoy segura)

Additional information below/Weitere Informationen weiter unten/Información adicional aquí abajo

For the purpose of practicality, I'll write this in English for now, as it'll be the most universally understood:

My name is Val, I'm 19, I'm from the UK so my native language is English, and I'm currently awaiting decisions from universities in order to study foreign languages. I'm hoping to study German and Japanese as part of my university course, while also taking advantage of university wide language programmes to begin learning Russian. I had about a year of dedicated Japanese study when I was around 12, and I remember a lot of the basics, but nothing meaningful enough to post here or probably even classify as A1, however I can read hiragana and katakana fairly well to this day.

My interest in languages has been an integral part of my life as far back as my memory reaches. Before the age of ten, a family friend conducted at home French lessons with me. I'd say when I got to secondary school and was put into French and German classes my enthusiasm really blossomed. I was pulled out of school at the age of 11 to be homeschooled, and filled the majority of my time independently teaching myself Japanese. I slowly came to a point of being able to have an incredibly basic conversation with others before being placed back into traditional schooling and losing the free time I had for Japanese, and my studying fizzled out.

When I returned to school, I chose German as a GCSE. Despite being behind, I quickly caught up. By halfway through year 10, though, Covid was at its peak, and due to my school's safety measures combined with my mum being high risk, I was pulled out of school yet again. I later returned to do my A-levels there, having no GCSEs or formal exam experience whatsoever. This was when I chose German as an A-Level. Despite these various setbacks, I achieved a high grade I'm incredibly proud of. I'm now completing a voluntary 3rd year of college in order to complete an AS course I began last year as a full A-level. From September this year, I've had the opportunity to join my German teacher's year 11 GCSE Spanish class and will be taking the exam at the end of the year. My only prior experience with the language was the studying I began in June in order to prepare for joining the class. Since October I've also been asked to assist my German teachers in their lower year classes as a voluntary teaching assistant, an opportunity which I'm elated over.

I'm currently hoping to be able to become a language teacher in the future, even likely abroad. I'd eventually like to get a TEFL/TESOL qualification for this as well and gain the opportunity to teach my native language as a foreign one in another country. I'm quite sold on this idea, and I've wanted to be a teacher since I was 8, but I'm still keeping my options open to the idea of translation as well as any other job ideas and opportunities that might strike me in the next few years. As long as I get to engage with foreign languages day to day, I'm interested.

[prekladatelsky-orisek]

🌻My Language Goals🌻

This is gonna be a pretty long post, so I'm going to stick most of it under a read-more link! My goals for languages are shaped a lot by my interests, so a lot of what I want to do is oriented by reading (specifically, I *really love* fantasy books!).

Broad strokes: - journaling is an aim in languages I'm not too confident writing in yet - watching youtube/tv shows is smth I enjoy in languages I'm better at - I think making small presentations about myself or writing about my day would be useful in languages I'm more of a beginner in - I need to study/use more vocabulary

🍃 English (native, C2)

English is my native language, so it's hard to envision a major goal with it... Long term: Teach English abroad :D Short term: Learn grammar, attend TEFL course

🍄 Czech (heritage, ~C1-C2)

Czech is my heritage language. While I speak it fairly well, I do make occasional errors and often lack confidence. I feel like using it more would be good for me. Long term: Be confident writing, read more, speak more confidently (and more like someone my age), read more Short term: Read Časodějové, practice writing in a journal, make new friends in Prague through LGBT events

🌷German (~C1)

German is the language I've been passionate about for the longest. I think I'd like to live/study in Germany someday. Long term: Broaden my vocabulary, speak more confidently, start reading poetry, keep reading, maybe write something? Short term: Finish reading Das Fjordland, practice writing in a journal, practice talking to myself

Spanish (~B1-B2?)

I learned Spanish until I graduated high school. I know it fairly well passively, and I feel like it would be a shame to forget. On the other hand, I strongly associate it with school and grades, which makes me nervous about using it. Long term: Maintenance, pretty much Short term: watch tv shows/youtube videos

Esperanto (~B1-B2?)

I started learning Esperanto in 2021 during Covid, mostly just to have fun. I think it's super cool, and I'd love to get a chance to meet other Esperantists. Long term: Go to an Esperanto congress, enter Esperanto writing contests Short term: Find and participate in Esperanto events online/in person, practice writing in journal/talking to myself

Polish (~B1?)

I'm learning Polish mostly because of my partner. Their dad used to only speak to me in Polish. Besides that, I'm interested in Polish rock music and reading in Polish (especially The Witcher). Long term: Read, strengthen grammar + vocabulary, learn false friends from Czech better, converse more confidently Short term: attend summer course in Poland, write in journal

Russian (~A2-B1??)

There are books I want to read in Russian, and those are my primary motivation! However, there's also a lot of music I like in Russian, and I'm also interested in it because of how much I understand already. Long term: Read Monstrum by Pavlina Grad, read the 3rd book of The Witcher, speak well enough to impress my friend (he is unfortunately hard to impress), get through Russisch in Übungen Short term: Get through the first part of Russisch in übungen, read the first chapter of The Witcher, read 50 pages of Monstrum

toki pona (~A2-B1???)

I started learning toki pona in 2021 because of covid. I don't particularly have a goal, but I'd love to try and use it to talk to people! I feel like I'm stagnating a bit on my own. Long term: no real goal here, just fun! maybe conversation? Short term: start to join calls on discord, send a message in toki pona, engage in biweekly translation challenges

Korean (~A1-A2)

I'm curious about Korean because it's really different from the languages I already know! I really love the way Korean grammar is structured, and it always makes me happy to read something and understand. I have some Korean friends as well, and I hope to someday be good enough to talk to them a bit. I also am exploring Korean food a bunch lately -- I'm vegan, and I've found The Korean Vegan's videos inspirational for quite some time. Long term: Be able to read books, talk to friends Short term: Read a short story in Korean (& learn vocab), write a journal entry

Scottish Gaelic (~A1-A2)

A friend and I agreed to learn Scottish Gaelic a few years ago, but he gave up quite fast. I feel obligated to continue, even though I'm not all that good at it (fathast :P). Long term: Be able to read books in Gaelic, read The Little Prince Short term: Complete the Explorer section on Duolingo, write a journal entry, make a presentation about myself

Zulu (~A1)

I became curious about Zulu after reading Trevor Noah's memoir Born a Crime, and at the same time a friend of mine also got interested (although I don't recall precisely how). A third friend of mine ended up actually taking a Zulu course at the same time! The end result was a pact to study together. Long term: Be able to use Zulu with my friend who also is learning it, work through the resources I have (duolingo & TY zulu) Short term: (longer short-term) complete the Rookie section on Duolingo, do a lesson in my TY zulu book

Japanese (~A1)

I have a lot of friends who are very interested in Japanese. One of them is also a linguist and has repeatedly told me about how elegantly structured the language is... Fundamentally, I have given into peer pressure. Long term: Be able to have basic conversations with my friend, read a bilingual book of short stories in Japanese Short term: Complete Busuu A1 course, make a presentation about myself + what I like/dislike + what I do every day

[all-thestories-aretrue]

Where are you moving if you don’t mind me asking? As someone who might also make a big move in the next year it’s interesting/reassuring to hear about other people’s big moves!! No pressure if it’s private tho!

I super don't mind! I am moving to the Czech Republic. I studied abroad there in college my junior year and fell in love.

I almost went back when I graduated, but COVID hit just a few months before so the borders were all closed.

I ended up getting a real person job in my home town and have been doing office jobs since (mainly admin and communications work). And sort of feel like I am wasting my life and my sanity.

So, I am going back! I am going to be getting my TEFL certification and teaching English. I plan to stay there for a few years but then maybe go to another European country or potentially somewhere in Asia.

If you ever want to chat, just hit me up. Big moves are stressful and time consuming by themselves but the emotional side of it is also a lot to deal with too.

I hope this answers ur question, but I'm totally willing to spill all the beans in private lol.

💜💜

[85ghhhf]

Well as another person with a BA in English, pre-covid my plan was to get TEFL certification and run away to either Japan or South Korea, but considering I got my TEFL certification in 2019 that plan went... nowhere. After an additional year in fast food, and a year freelancing/trying to land a fulltime proofreader job [I got one interview, didnt pass] I decided to sign my life over to a contracting agency for 2 years. They trained me in some sort of IT development for 10-12 weeks and in exchange I agreed to work for them for 2 years or else pay them 36k. I now work as a Python dev for one of their clients who bought out my contract. This is def not where I expected to be when I graduated high school that's for sure.

as someone with a bachelor’s degree in english, i am inexpressibly tired of people telling me to get highly specific jobs that often require highly specific degrees. “just go write for a magazine!” you need a journalism degree for that. “just teach!” you need a teaching certificate, and also fuck you. “just go work at a tutoring place!” tutoring children with learning disabilities, which make up the majority of the clientele at those places, requires not only a teaching certificate but a specialized master’s degree. “just go work at a library!” you need a master’s degree in library science to be a librarian. it is actually a highly skilled and extremely competitive field. you don’t just “go work at a library,” you train for years in the vain hope that you will get one of handful of available jobs. “just go work at a library.” the nerve. the unmitigated gall. “just go work at a library.” ugh.

[trustedteflreviews]

"proud to have the university on my resume"

“proud to have the university on my resume”

OISE University of Toronto TEFL review, submitted by Pamela.

My University of Toronto TEFL experience was challenging, learning again after years away from education, yet it was so fulfilling and very user-friendly. I’d say that the best part about my TEFL course experience was the people that I’ve been fortunate enough to meet as a result – students and other teachers I’ve worked with. I…

[bookmarksandbonfires]

End-of-Semester Productivity (22 days)

Day 13

Worked on senior sem essay

Went to classes

Cut nails

Showered

Worked on my study abroad application

Day 14

Worked on senior sem essay

Wrote and submitted final TEFL Reflection

Went to class

Got second COVID vaccine

It doesn't feel like a lot either day, but my senior sem essay is about 200 shy of 7000 words and about 5000 of those were written in the last two days, so...

[74olala]

And don't be too het up if your life plan changes over time: My highschool senior year I wanted to be a lawyer, my school said "Ok, your research project this year is 'what do the people who have the career you want actually do?'." I graduated deciding that while I didn't know WHAT I wanted to be-it wasn't a lawyer.

I took a gap year to earn money for college, fell in with some artists and decided I wanted to do something in fine art. Went to get my Associates at a close-ish community college. Discovered photography, fell in love with film and the darkroom.

Decided I was going to pursue fine art photgraphy. Got my Associates and transferred my credits to an arts college a couple hours away. Spent a year at that college. Come summer, had a health issue-dropped out of college. Had the realization I wouldn't be able to support myself easily in fine art with my health issue.

Decided to pursue a business degree in management since my fast food job made that really easy to pursue. Had a manager that made me realize I hated fast food.

Worked a housekeeping job for a year. Got told "I was just a baby" by the nicest 80 year old I'd ever met after I told her I didn't know where I wanted to go with my career.

Decided to go back to college for an English degree. Went back into fast food at a different place since housekeeping wouldn't work for my class schedule. [Thought about joining the military as an officer once i got my degree, thankfully my health issue wouldn't pass MEPS.] Got my BA 8 years after I'd graduated from high school.

Decided to go back into fast food management while I got my TEFL certification so I could go to Japan or South Korea. Watched as my cohort's job got frozen due to covid.

Decided to stay at my fast food job until covid blew over.

Gave up after a year and decided to do freelance proofreading while I tried to get a fulltime job in the publishing industry. Got a transcription job that didn't pay minimum wage.

Had a health issue, went back to fast food for 3-4 months.

Got a job that paid minimum wage while being trained in a low code tech stack in exchange for working for them 2 years.

Got my contract with them bought out by one of their customers. Am now working as a Python backend developer. ... It's been a wild 14 years. fuck. it's been 14 years since my high school graduation. wow.

every year we have to say it

[teflonline17]

Read the blog to know and understand the post Covid-19 teaching English as a foreign language industry with #TEFLCertificationOnline. Get the answers to some of the frequently asked questions for a TEFL career in the future.

[teflindia2017]

Starting your online ESL career is a great way to earn autonomous earnings in this era of virtual learning. As the vast mainstream of different classes have either moved online or have been suspended altogether due to the COVID-19 pandemic, now is the perfect time for online English teaching as this is becoming more and more popular.

[hamliet]

what’s it like to work in the arts/humanities? i’m preparing for stem entrance exams, i just chose stem because my parents wanted me to and you can get a job easily....my older friend who’s in humanities said that finding a job in that field is hard and sapped her of enjoying her subject...how’s it going for you?

I mean, each person is very different and follows a different path, and what energizes one person drains another even if they both have the same passion, so I can only speak for myself. I'm from a country where entrance exams aren't required, fortunately.

I got my degree in English Lit and Creative Writing. I also have my TEFL certification, and am a licensed teacher. I started off teaching high school lit and philosophy and counseling, and loved it. I then worked at a big name school in the US in admin/grant writing for years. It was valuable experience and contacts-wise, but also eventually not intellectually stimulating (ironically), and I knew I wanted to pursue writing more.

I started doing part-time freelance work while still keeping my uni job for health insurance, and gradually that opened more doors. I'm very fortunate that in the past year I was able to leave my uni job. The current job I have full-time doesn't pay me enough to live by itself, which is pretty typical for my field, but I'm also supplementing that with side freelance work (basically, once you get one freelance job you're able to get more) and online private teaching (covid has made this very much more acceptable). But I can do all of this from home, which allows a great deal of flexibility and allows me, as a very introverted person, to conserve my energy so that I can actually go out with friends after work (pandemic permitting).

I do work a lot of hours, I suppose, which isn't for everyone, but for the time being I'm very content and happy with my career, and optimistic about the future. I also enjoy what I do, which does help. I can see how it could burn someone out, though, and maybe that will happen here. Maybe it won't. Right now, though, I'm happy.

[sand-lily]

my schedule at work changed, now that i have usable days off (because they FINALLY hired enough people that i dont have to work every day off) im gunna pay for the TEFL class in a few weeks

(i wanna see how the work schedule plays out with these new people before i commit,, the turnover is high, the newbies could quit after a week or two)

honestly i may pretend i have covid in order to not come in for a week, the course isnt that long, a week of being avoided by everyone would be all that i need

[blackpoliglota]

Moi assistant une réunion qui aurait été un e-mail...

This is me in that scenario and now after having spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME looking for a GIF for this post... that doesn't even fit the space properly on the desktop version 😭😭😭

Ah well, much ado about nothing, I suppose... anyway, I'M BAAAAAAAAAACK!!! So sorry for the unannounced hiatus... which wasn't really much of a hiatus, as I was still reblogging things BUT STILL. I ended up getting super sidetracked with teaching and dealing with the biggest headache on the planet known as the Spanish Beaurocracy™️🤦🏾‍♀️ Seriously y'all, those people DO NOT know how to do their jobs! If you want to hear about the fun time of trying to get my papers in order so I could remain a legal foreign resident, lemme know! Well, even if you don't I may create a post solely dedicated to that anyway; I could use the opportunity to let out some steam.

Now without further ado, onto my first original post of 2021!!!

As you may have guessed, this is about emails, particularly those written in French. I have 2 recent-ish emails I sent off to a college French professor asking for a recommendation letter for a fellowship. Wanting to keep up my French skills (and not disappoint my former professor), I used that opportunity to practice French by setting aside several lovely hours of my life for each email... yep, you read it right, HOURS. If I wrote those emails in Spanish it would've only taken me a hour tops for each email, but since this is French we're talking about here I had to spend the majority of my email-writing time looking up virtually every other word/phrase, cringe over each eventual sentence(s) I'd create with said word/phrase, and ultimately convince myself to move onto the next sentence to repeat that same process. . . all of this with taking a break after every 3rd sentence due to being lowkey dissuaded from continuing. . . fuuuuuuuun🙃🙃🙃

Anyway, not all language learning sessions are great. BUT, ya gotta push through those annoying/bad times to achieve greatness, amirite? Right, so with that being said, ALLONS-Y!!!

So I mentioned having spent the majority of my time looking up words and phrases for these 2 emails, meaning I now have a lovely list of vocabulary to get through! Check it out below:

Le premier e-mail

La Nouveauté - innovation / novelty / originality / freshness [In the email I mistakenly used it to mean "news", when I really should have used "nouvelles"]

À part - Aside from

La folie - madness / lunacy / insanity / chaos

Supporter - To put up with / to tolerate / to bear

Pour l'instant - For the moment

Falloir (qqch)- To have to do (sth) / must do (sth) [In the email I mistakenly used it to mean "should", when I really should have used "devoir"]

Déménager - To move (house)

L'essai (m.) - Try / attempt

Remettre - To turn in / to hand over [there are many more meanings for this verb, but in the email it's used to mean this]

Le formulaire - (Application) Form

Le faute - Fault / mistake / error

La date limite - Deadline

Faire face à - To deal with / to face

Opérer - To operate / to work / to function

Quoi qu'il en soit - Anyway / either way / be that as it may

Ce que - What [As an antecedent, not a question word]

Se rendre compte de (qqch) - To realize / to become aware of (sth)

La bourse - Scholarship / fellowship / grant / stock market

Requérir - to require / to call for

Le solliciteur / la solliciteuse - Petitioner / solicitor [In the email I mistakenly used it to mean "applicant", when I really should have used "demandeur / demandeuse" according to WordReference]

Le motif - Reason / motive / pattern / motif

Si longtemps - So long [As in "such a long time"]

Le thème - Topic / subject / theme

La déclaration personnelle - Personal statement

La déclaration d'intention - Statement of purpose

Payer le luxe - To have the luxury (to do sth) / to afford (to do sth)

Urger - To be urgent [In the email I mistakenly used it to mean "to oblige", when I really should have used "obliger"]

Amitiés - Best Wishes / All the Best [Letter sign-off]

And for the sake of breaking up these two lists so you won't be too overwhelmed at all the vocab I need to study, here's a picture of the first email below:

Now for the next one!

Le deuxième e-mail

Le tour - Turn

Désolée de. . . - Sorry for. . .

Tel (m.) / telle (f.) - Such (a)

À temps - On time

Lié (m.) / liée (f.) - Related / connected

L'affaire (f.) - Matter / issue / business

Le séjour - Stay / temporary residence / family room / living room

Donc - Therefore [Grammatical position is after the verb, after "pas" if negation is present]

Une fois encore - Once again

L'objet (m.) - (Email) Subject / object / purpose / target

La nouvelle normale - The New Normal [COVID-19 related]

Vécu - Lived [Past participle of the verb "vivre"]

Propre - (One's) Own / clean / tidy / neat

Lorsque - While / when / as soon as

S'étonner - To be surprised / to be astonished / to be amazed

Chacun de nous - Any one of us / each of us

Poursuivre - To continue / to pursue / to keep up

Presque - Almost

L'enseignement de l'anglais langue étrangère - Teaching English as a Foreign Language [abbrv. "TEFL"]

Instituteur (m.) / Institutrice (f.) - (Primary school) Teacher

Le déménagement - Move / moving

Devenu(e) - Became [Past participle of the verb "devenir"]

L'éducateur / l'éducatrice - Educator

Le retour - Return

Bien que - Although / even though

La carrière - Career

La demande - Application

Écrasant (m.) / écrasante (f.) - Overwhelming / crushing / heavy

En réalité - Actually / in fact / in reality

Le résultat - Result

La ronde des finalistes - Finalist round

Alors que - While / even though

Les études (f.) - Studies

Réviser - To review

La communauté - Community

À ce sujet - On that note / speaking of which

À l'avenir - In the future

Postuler à (qqch) - To apply for (sth)

Scolaire - Academic / scholastic

S'améliorer - To improve / to upgrade / to get better

La capacité - Ability / capability

Cela dit - That (being) said

Fou (m.) / folle (f.) - Crazy / insane / mad / wild

Être en bonne santé - To be healthy

Être en sécurité - To be safe

Jurer - To swear / to vow / to curse / to cuss

Le temps de réponse - Response time

Chaleureusement - With Warm Regards / Warmly [Letter sign-off]

And here is the second email itself:

As you can see, I blocked out the name of my professor because Consent Tings™️. Hopefully the email images help with putting the vocab into context! I plan to make quizlets for these vocab words soon and will post the link to it here for y'all if you're interested in studying them! Also, DISCLAIMER: if you didn't know this before, I am by no means an expert in the French language; I'm hardly at the B1 level. Cela dit (that being said. . . see that? heh heh😏), I'm sure there are a plethora of errors in both emails. If you're feeling extra critical when reading them, please please PLEASE point out those errors to me! I want to discuss them with you and learn from them so I can poursuivre m'améliorer (keep on improving. . . once again, hehee😂)!

Alrighty, that covers just about everything! Again, I am so sorry for not having created any original posts in such a long time; life carried me away🤷🏾‍♀️ Now that I finally have my first post of 2021, here's to more frequent content creating!

乾杯(Gān bēi)! 🥂

EDIT: Links to the quizlets below!

Le premier e-mail: https://quizlet.com/_9mktlv?x=1jqt&i=3dk8u9

Le deuxième e-mail: https://quizlet.com/_9ml1s4?x=1jqt&i=3dk8u9

[abbieestudia]

? Days of Productivity

Day 7: 25/10/2021

I really wish there was somewhere I could go outside my house to study like a library or cafe for a few hours but the library near me only allows people to quickly browse and then borrow/return books because of covid and there aren't any cafes that you're allowed to stay long times in either :(( I just want a desk or table and a proper chair and a space that isn't just my room or gross hoarder house but I can't really do anything about it :((

Today's To-Do:

Daily Duolingo

Daily Anki flashcards

Fill out visa application form stuff

Do TEFL assignment seriously you've been putting it off for like 4 days now

[inthedarkofficial]

Stats at 25

I did this at 18 and at 21 because they felt like milestones, and... well, so does 25, I guess. It's going under this time though, because you know what that is? Growth.

Novels Written: In the Dark (no, really, it's done this time!), Dragons, In the Flames (which was meant to be In the Know), and I'm about 31,000 words into the real In the Know

Poems written: 40+

Agent Rejections: 21 this year alone (and I at about 30 total? Fuck)

Agent Requests: On their way, of course

Works planned: 15 novels, 4 short story collections, 1 encyclopaedia. 1 poetry collection, 1 short play, 1 nonfiction essay.

Publishing credits: 1 that we talk about (FourxFour baby!)

Characters: where do they keep coming from?

Lives lived: Why did I phrase this in the past tense? It's still happening

Life path: One step at a time, but an author, always

Books Read: Not as many as I'd like

Books to Read: A lot more than I'd like

Concerts seen: 27

Grades in piano: 3 (why do I keep including this?)

Memories: Treasured and painful and apparently something I have to fight for

Time: Lost all meaning this last year

Nickname: Still going by Padfoot, call me Roro and I will cut you

Clothes: So! Many! Clothes! but they make me feel better than ever

Style: It changes every day because I change every day

Friendships: How did I make new, incredible friends during a lockdown? I don't know, but gods bless D&D

Parents: We survived together in one house locked down for over a year, I'm so grateful for them

Family: I miss you Kali. I miss you nan. I want to hug you, Maddison. I want to give all of you a hug, honestly.

Enemies: I'm still coming for you, Derek

Sexuality: I keep looking closer and closer to see what the ins and outs are, but I'm bi and queer and that's enough

Gender: I fucking came out as genderqueer and I've started playing with pronouns and gender presentation and honestly? Never felt better

Hair colours: Literally could not tell you anymore. How many? Who knows. I want another.

Education: A in 11+, 2 A* and 8 A GCSEs, 1 A* and 2 A A Levels, 2.1 English Literature Degree, and I will finish this fucking proofreading course! Also, that masters degree is really calling me like a siren...

Tattoos: 2, and as soon as Covid allows it, I'll be getting more

Continents : 3

Countries: 10

Cities: I clearly counted this wrong and now? no clue

Homes: About to be 9!

Places to visit: I just want to go and see (and meet!) my friends, honestly

Vaginismus: Diagnosed! Fucking diagnosed!

Dilators: size 2!

Relationship status: Not going to be fucking decided by what some fucking Western doctor thinks I should be using my vagina for holy gods.

Standards: I want to be loved right down to my scalp. I enjoy my own company too much to settle for less.

Tears shed: My eyes hurt

Laughter: My ribs hurt

Jobs: 5, +writer, always. Fingers crossed for some sweet, sweet income soon though.

Readings: More! Let me do more! Covid, you bitch!

D&D campaigns: 1 abandoned, 1 shelved, 2 ongoing, 1 beginning soon

D&D Podcasts: R.I.P. Edge of Night

D&D characters: Where are all you stupid bisexuals coming from? (Not you, Caleb, we're thrilled to have you here)

Clean: Been a daily struggle this year. Not quite succeeding sometimes. But never fully relapsed. I can be proud of that.

Mental health: Ups and downs, but I'm taking back control

Physical health: Ready to fight doctors, but I'm getting there

Height: 5′2″, do I really need to keep recording this?

Shoes size: 3 (uk), I totally need to keep recording this

Weight: Most days I like my body, and that's a big improvement

Puns: cannot count how many times I got kicked out of skype calls this year

Beliefs: Maybe it's better to have ideas, but I've found names to give power to, powers to give love to, I have principles I live by, the faeries in the garden still get offerings, hawthorn trees carpet the garden in flowers, and I am enough. The worls is on fire, and full of people doing harm for no reason, so it's hard to believe that the world is good, but my life, at its core, is a good life. And I'm so grateful, even when things are hard.

Happy memories: even in the darkest and hardest of times, I have had moments of pride, and moments I felt loved. I know what unconditional love is. What could be better

Sad memories: Reclaimed, remembered, and not going to fucking control me.

How the things I planned to do at 21 panned out: actually learned what it takes to find an agent and though it took longer than I planned, I am now doing that process. Gave up krav maga, no regrets. Did finish my third novel (at least, first draft), then learned it was the wrong novel. But I did write a whole other novel. Graduated UEA with a 2.1. Successfully left Norwich and never have to fucking return! Have done freelance editing work and got a job at Debenhams, though Covid fucked those a bit. Wrote that fucking dissertation and it's fabulous. Did see Hamilton. Did put more hats on Cicero before he broke (but he's now getting repaired!) Decided a TEFL was an insane idea, I hate teaching. Did, indeed, continue to live and did a whole lot else.

Goals at 25: Keep submitting to agents, finish In the Know and work on the faery books, continue my physical and mental health journey, keep working with the dilators, move into my own house (!), find a steady source of income, start getting my poetry and other writing out there, finish my vaginismus article, visit my friends, get a new tattoo, keep volunteering at Pride, play enough D&D to justify all these fucking dice sets, get Cicero back, keep building the life I want.

Life at 25 years: when I wrote my "Stats at 21" post, I didn't know how much denial I was in. I'd totally repressed the memory of being sexually assaulted and I didn't even know about a condition that I've just learned has likely been impacting me in multiple ways all my life. I hadn't even met a person who would become one of my best friends, and then my boyfriend, and then my ex, and then totally out of my life by the time I write this. I barely knew the guy who is now one of the most important people in the world to me. I was only beginning to question my gender. I'd not questioned my sexuality in years. I've been through counselling, learned to stand up for myself, worked on so many projects I couldn't even imagine being a part of back then, been on a huge vaginismus journey that's still on going, started playing D&D, went to the graduation ceremony I never planned to attend, and I'm about to have my own house, just to point to a select few things. There's been a global pandemic (still ongoing), movements and trials that helped me find my truth and broke my heart, Brexit fucking happened, I lost my best, dearest and oldest friend (I love you Kali) and my nan... I could not have imagined what 25 would look like on the night I turned 21, just like at 18, 21 was impossible to picture.

So I guess... hi future Rowan. Happy 27th birthday (of course it's going to be 27). What does your world look like now? Did we fall in love? Did we make good dilator progress? How's the house? Did we decide on kids? I cannot begin to wonder what your world looks like, but I swear, I'm working on making it good.

"Soft and slow/Watch the minutes go/Count outloud/ So we know you don't keep them for yourself." - Halsey

[paar-pahlok]

screams forever

So I’ve been getting my certification in TEFL for the past few months and have been working towards my goal of getting to South Korea. Well, with Covid still being how Covid is, I’ve been wondering if I should push back and apply for February 2022 instead of August 2021 so that things have more time to ease up. Specifically, I don’t want to have to pay for the mandatory quarantine upon arrival, because it’s very expensive and not something I want to spend money on, so I would rather wait. The other issue is I want to be able to travel around Asia while I’m in Korea, as that’s a major appeal of living abroad for a year. 

Well, the place I’m living right now is a small house owned by my parents that they were renting out to my sister and her boyfriend but she left for a bit, and while they’ve been gone I’ve been living here. She was supposed to come back in January and live with me/help with rent but didn’t, so my mom’s been charging me less and I’ve been on my own. She’s officially started to make plans to come back but WITH her boyfriend (and their FOUR CATS) in may because she’s graduating college. This wasn’t going to be such a big deal, because for as short of a period of time it was going to be from May to August when I was going to be leaving, it’s nbd and we could have worked something out. But if I’m going to be here until next feburary, obviously there’s going to be a problem with our living situation. 

My sister has already basically said that she doesn’t think the place is big enough for her, her bf, and her cats plus me, and has said I should live with my mom at her house. I haven’t lived with my mom since 2015, so that’s not very appealing to me, but I’m not unwilling to do it. But she has sort of made it clear that she really, REALLY doesn’t want me or my sister to ever live with her again for an extended period of time. I’m currently still uneployed, and while I’ve been looking for part time gigs teaching ESL online, it won’t really be enough to get an apartment. Even if I could find an apartment, I would have to sign an annual lease, and that wouldn’t work timing wise. 

I could just apply and chance it, and hope that by the time I go to South Korea in the summer, covid restrictions have eased up enough with the vaccine that I won’t have to pay to quarantine. but if I do have to pay, I’ll be out close to $2000 which is about a whole months salary of what I would be making as a teacher there. 

I don’t know what to do, and I’m stressed as hell about it.