#TAYLOR BREAKUP | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

writtenbyan-aries · 2 months ago

Note

need a soul crushing colby angst

maybe seeing him again after a breakup and hes like so indifferent and nonchalant while reader is going nuts

∶ Summary: anon sums it up

∶ Warnings: angst, wine, breakup flashbacks, upset reader, ex!Colby, quick talk of depression, kind of a fluff end

∶ Word Count: 3.2k

I wanted to incorporate a song into this and Haunted was the first one that popped into my head because the lyrics instantly gave me ideas - enjoy!

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For the last three years, you’ve given Colby everything you had to offer. All of your love, time, effort. He got it all. You spent each free moment you had with each other. Went to sleep together. Woke up together. Had breakfast, lunch, dinner together.

Everything. You didn’t think you’d ever live to see what you had with him break.

You were so blindsided by the breakup, that when it happened, it sent you through all the stages of grief.

Denial - For weeks, you kept telling yourself it’s not over. There’s no way it’s over. He’s not gone, he can’t be gone. Telling yourself, your closest friends that he just needs a break, he’ll come back. There’s no way he won’t come back. You couldn’t wrap your mind around the fact that three years was just gone, like it didn’t matter. You kept texting him, asking him to talk more about why he did it, asking him if it’s really over, and you just got the same response back, silence. That then pushed you into the second stage of grief.

Anger - You were angry that he didn’t answer. Angry that he didn’t give you any closure that you felt like you desperately needed. Angry that he could just drop you like you meant nothing. You let him hear it, too. Even if he didn’t respond, you gave him a peace of your mind. You ultimately moved into being angry with yourself, wondering if you could have put up a harder fight for him, and that led you into the third stage.

Bargaining - You became sad all over again, rethinking everything. You kept thinking, what if I had done more and what if we’re only meant to be just friends. You thought you had it all figure out, him all figured out. If you just give him time he’ll come back. But, over time, you felt a huge sense of guiltiness wash over and drown you in his place, leading you into the fourth stage.

Depression - You haven’t left your house in few weeks. Ordered in. Rotted on the couch and in your bed. It took your best friend coming over to tell you that you needed a shower for you to actually get up and get one. You were drowning, feeling like something’s gone terribly wrong. You felt like you had been shattered into a million tiny pieces, and no matter how much ‘glue’ you had, nothing made them stick together. Just when you thought you were getting better, you fell apart all over again. Wanting to text him, talk to him, hear his voice, but knowing he wouldn’t even give you that, hurt you even more. Eventually, with the help of your friends and their pep talks, you gradually floated into the final stage.

Acceptance - It took a few months, but you finally got to a place to where you didn’t cry when you thought about him, or when you seen something that reminded you of him. You were finally starting to feel like yourself again. You avoided looking in your camera roll because you just didn’t have deleting all of your photos in you yet, so you left them go. But you managed. You left your house, accepting the fact that you were a single, semi-healed girl, and staying in the house wasn’t going to help.

It’s been six months since the day you and Colby broke up. Four months of those six, weren’t spent dwelling and laying in a pool of self pity, but the last two you spent focusing on yourself, coping and moving forward.

You were actually feeling pretty good. You had heard through the grape vine that Colby was seeing someone new, but you tried not to let it get to you, no matter how haunted by him you felt.

“Are you okay? How do you feel?”

You gave your best friend, Leah, a confused look, “I’m fine? Why?” You set your phone down and turn towards her. She shakes her head, “No reason, I just- you have your first date with Noah tonight, and I’m just making sure you didn’t have the jitters.”

“I’m good, Leah. I promise. Noah and I have been talking for a few weeks, and it seems to be going well. I told him I wanted to take things slow, and tonight just feels like the right time to actually take things public.”

“Does he know you used to date the Colby Brock?” She raises her brows and you scoff, “That shouldn’t have anything to do with my future. Clearly, Colby wanted to stay in the past, so. Why should I care?”

“I’m just saying, Colby is-“

“Enough about Colby, Leah.” You take a deep breath, “I’m over him. I got myself all healed and glued back together, I don’t understand why-“ you pause and Leah tilts her head, “It’s okay if you’re not.”

“I have to be.” You could feel your eyes burn, but you fight back the tears, “I have to be. Colby moved on, so it’s time for me to as well.”

“Noah is really sweet.” She gives you a soft smile, “I just don’t want you hurting him, or yourself, by rushing into something you’re not fully ready for.”

You shake your head, “I like Noah. Noah.. he’s good for me.”

She smiles, “What time is your date?”

“Picking me up at six, then he said about going to the beach, taking a walk along the shore.” You feel your cheeks grow warm, “It’s new. It’s a clean slate.”

She nods, “Let me know how it goes.”

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Noah knock on your door and led you down to his car like a gentleman.

The car ride to the restaurant was subtle, full of small talk and him telling you how beautiful you looked.

You felt good, but there was still a little part in you that held onto Colby. More so, you weren’t able to trust anything now, because of what he did to you.

You swallowed, pushing down the thoughts that creeped in and gave Noah a smile, “Have you ever been to this place before?”

He nods, “When my family comes to visit, my mom always takes us here. It’s one of her favorite spots, and mine.” He chuckles, “The food is phenomenal.”

“That’s good, I don’t think I’ve ever been to this place before. I was googling it before you came to get me, it looks fancy.” You glance down at your dress, “I hope I dressed up enough.”

“You dressed perfect.” He smiles, “We should be, ah.” He points, “Here we are.”

Your eyes can over the building. It looked rich.

“Wow. This place looks expensive just by the architecture.” You laugh, “Are you sure you-“

“I’m sure. You deserve a place like this.” He smiles, unbuckling to get out. He walks around, opening up your door. You take his hand as you get out, smoothing your other hand down over your dress.

As you’re walking through the parking lot, your heart sinks as you see a familiar looking car, but as you grow closer, it’s not who you think it is.

You let out a relieved sigh and give Noah’s hand a squeeze. He smiles and opens the door, “After you.” He motions and you nod, “Thank you.” You smile as you walk in, coming to a stop at the host stand.

“Good evening.” The gentleman smiles, “Name for the reservation, please.”

“Reynard. Noah Reynard.”

“Perfect. If you will follow me this way.”

Noah takes your hand and walks with you through the restaurant, stopping at the table, “Thank you.” He smiles at the host and moves to pull your chair out, “Here we go.”

You sit down and help him move your chair in towards the table, “Thank you.” He nods, “My pleasure.” He smiles as he sits down and the host nods, “Your waiter will be with you in just a moment.”

“Thank you.” You give the host a smile and look back at Noah, “What’s good here?”

“Everything.” He chuckles, “I usually go for the lobster and foie gras, but I can guarantee you that no matter what you get, you’ll like.”

“Hmm.” You look down over the menu, “Well see.” You smile as you glance up at him and he raises his brows, “Oh, I see you have accepted the challenge.”

You shrug, “I guess I have.” You laugh and let out a sigh as you continue perusing the menu.

A little bit later, after placing your orders and downing a glass of wine, you were in the middle of talking about where you both grew up.

As you were listening to Noah, someone in the corner of your eye, caught your attention.

Internal panic sets ablaze. You realize you were staring at Noah, but you weren’t listening, “Sorry.” You laugh, “I um, what did you say?”

“I just said that I grew up in Dallas, but moved here when I turned eighteen.” He smiles, “Have you ever been to Dallas?”

You shake your head, “No, I haven’t. But isn’t the saying, um, everything is bigger in Texas?”

“Yeah, yeah they do.” He nods with a laugh, “You said you grew up in Virginia?” You nod, “Yeah, pretty much the same story with you. Well, only the states are different.”

“I knew I’ve always wanted to come to LA, it’s always been a dream of mine to live where there’s sunshine and palm trees.” He smiles, “To think, if we never moved here, we probably would have never met.”

You smile, trying to hold it as you see Colby and his date walk behind the host across the restaurant to a table, his seat, directly in line with your view.

“Yeah, it’s, um.” You laugh, “It’s crazy how the universe works, is the waiter coming back?” You finish your glass of wine, “I need another drink.”

“Yeah, he should be coming back any- oh, here he is.” Noah moves his napkin out of the way and you do the same, laying it on your lap. You smooth out the fabric a few times, taking quick breaths as you try and settle the now full inferno inside of you.

What are the odds of seeing Colby for the first time some the breaking while you’re on a first date with someone new?

Slim to none, you’d think.

“Y/n?”

You look up, Noah staring at you, “Huh?” He laughs slightly, “Another glass of wine, you said?” You nod, looking up at the waiter, “Oh, yes, yes please.” You swallow, “I’m actually- I’m going to run to the bathroom real quick, wash my hands before I, uh, dig in.”

“Are you okay?” Noah furrows his brows and you nod, “Yes.” Your face turns into confusion, “Why?”

He shrugs, “You just seem nervous all of a sudden, I hope I wasn’t laying it on too thick, I know you said you wanted to take things slow.”

“I’m good.” You give him a smile, “Just going to wash my hands really fast.”

You get up, keeping your head down, but as soon as you look up, Colby’s eyes are already on you, and they’re cold.

Just his look alone sent you right back to the day he left.

“No, come on, come on, Colby. Don’t leave me like this.” You sob, “Please, you’re all I want, p-please. We can- we can work this out, please. Colby, I can’t- I can’t do this.”

“It’s for the best, y/n. We can’t- you want more in life, and you can’t get that if I’m not ready.” He runs a hand through his hair, eyes glistening as he locks them onto yours.

“I-I love you, Colby. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. You’re- you’re the best thing that’s ever h-happened to me, I can’t just move on from this, I can’t, I won’t.” You shake your head, walking up to him, “Please. Don’t leave me like this, please, Colby.”

You stood there, watching him, figuratively, walk further and further away from everything you had. His eyes growing colder and colder with each second, almost like he’s making himself not have a choice with doing this.

Your head pounding more and more with each sob, “Colby-“ your voice breaks, “Please don’t do this.” You gasp for air, “What went terribly wrong? We’re all we’ve ever wanted, I don’t-“

“I just know, that right now, doing this will benefit us both.” He closes his eyes, quickly wiping a stray tear away, “I love you, and with that, I need to let you go.”

Your lip quivers as the sobs start all over again, your hands moving to cover your face as you gasp for air. The sound of the door shutting sends you into a full on breakdown.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe with him being gone.

You thought you had it all figured out, but you were wrong. You thought you were good, fine without him. You thought that being with someone else would help, but seeing Colby sit there, with another girl, acting so nonchalant and like he didn’t rip your heart out six months ago makes you feel sick.

You felt like you were spiraling out of control, standing in the bathroom, holding your breath as you try not to let the feelings of six months ago take over.

You were trying so hard not to lose it all over again, and the fact that you had to go out there and act like everything was fine made it all worse.

You calm yourself down, slowly reaching for the lock and twisting it. You move to the mirror, leaning in to make sure your makeup isn’t out of place.

As you turn, the girl Colby is at dinner with, walks through the door. She gives you a small smile and you just stare at her, moving your eyes down to the floor.

She was beautiful.

You swallow, taking a deep breath before walking back out to Noah.

“I thought I was going to have to send in a search and rescue team.” Noah jokes, “seriously, though. Are you okay?”

You nod, grabbing your glass and taking a sip, “I’m perfect.” You smile, fully acting like you aren’t going nuts on the inside, “This look delicious.” You look at your plate and Noah nods, “So, let’s see if I was right.”

“Oh, right.” You laugh, “Yes.” You cut off a piece of your food and take a bite. Your eyes go wide, “Oh, you were right.” You hum lowly, “This is delicious, my god.”

The whole time you were eating, especially before Colby’s date came back, his eyes were on you. Watching your every move, listening to every fake laugh that slipped from your lips.

As dinner came to a close, you motioned, “all of this wine in going right through me.” You laugh, “Do you want me to-“

“I got it. You go, I’ll meet you back here.” Noah smiles, “That beach walk is calling our names, I can hear it.”

You smile, “that’s what I’m most excited about.”

He scoffs, “Well if I would have known that, I wouldn’t have taken a loan out to pay for dinner.” Your jaw drops and he laughs, “I’m joking, I can pay for this all on my own.”

You let out a sigh, “Jokster, I see.” You smile, “I’ll be right back.” You get up, avoiding Colby as you walk by, entering the bathroom.

You walk into the stall, doing what you need to do, and stand up, walking out to the sink. As you’re washing your hands, you stare at yourself in the mirror, taking a few calming breathes as you try to push Colby from your head.

You straighten up, letting out a sigh and walking to dry your hands. As soon as you open the door, you stop, your heart dropping into your stomach as you see Colby standing there.

“I don’t..” he turns, dropping his hands, “I don’t know why I’m here.”

“Aren’t you on a date?” You swallow, trying to keep the upper hand, “That’s what I’m doing here.”

“No i-“ he scoffs, “Yeah, I know that.” He clenches his jaw, “I just-“ he shakes his head and you sigh, “You and I are walking a fragile line here, Colby.”

“Yeah, I’ve known it all this time, as soon as I seen you sitting there with him.” He tilts his head, “I- you look good.”

“Thank you.” You look down, “I um, I have to-“

“Do you miss me?”

You stare at him, “Do I miss you?”

You scoff, “Colby, I-“ you shake your head, “Does it even matter? You seemed to move on rather quickly, sitting there, acting like seeing someone you once gave everything to doesn’t hurt you in the slightest.” You wait for him to speak, but he doesn’t say anything, so you sigh, “but.. yeah, of course I do. I still mean every word I said to you.”

“I’m haunted by you.” He laughs slightly, “I still look for you in everyone I come across, I don’t-“ he shakes his head, “I don’t kn- I was so stupid to let you go.”

“But you did.” You tilt your head, “For months, I was a wreck, thinking I had you figured out, figuring out a way for us to make it work, but in the end, I was the one who looked stupid. Telling everyone that you had your reasons when I literally had no idea why you left, other than you thought I wanted more, but in reality, Colby. I wanted you. No matter what.”

His eyes fall to the floor, his head nods slowly, “I’m sorry.”

“That’s all you have to say?” You sniffle, “I just- I don’t need this. I don’t need you messing with my head, you did that enough when you first sat down at the table.”

You go to walk away but he grabs your hand, and sparks trickle up your arm, “Wait.” He pulls you in, “Tell me you’re happier with him.”

You stay quiet for a moment, your eyes staying on his hand in yours, “He might try to take my pain away and he might make me smile, but..” you look up at him, “the whole time, I’m wishing he was you instead.”

He nods, eyes bouncing from your lips to your eyes and you knew what was about to happen, but you pull away. You clear your throat, “I um..” you shake your head, trying to gather your thoughts.

“What?” Colby asks, “What’s going on in that mind of yours?”

You shrug, taking a deep breath, “A part of me wants to know where we go from this, but then another part of me can’t trust anything now and I don’t want to keep holding onto nothing.” You look up at him and he nods, “Why don’t you just go back to your table, I’ll go back to mine, and then maybe..” he shrugs, “One of us is dumb enough to call the other later on.”

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Thank you so much for reading! I love you so much! Catch you in the next one! 🖤

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