#Surly birb

[timinsaskatoon]

STILL Finishing up the last few pages of the Birbs of Saskatchetoon 2022 Sketchbook Volume 2... yesterday's pic of the Surly BFD felt lame without a background... so...

[incorrect-illthdar]

Toshiiro: [to Kinsa] If you like talking, you might also enjoy shutting up. It’s like talking except you don’t fuck up everything all the time, always, forever.

[synvamp]

HAPPY PLACE 4

So apparently now I’ve found my happy place (Vol 7 Ep 5), I’m never going to leave.

Slow burn, lots of flirting and fluff - adorable Clover, birb Qrow. HEAL ME

(Part One HERE)

Title: Healing

Fair Game – Part Four / 5? More?

Rating: M

---xxx---

  Qrow lay in bed in the dark. It was nearly like sleeping.

  He thought about the last few days. His missions with Clover. The looks Clover gave him, the reassuring hand that just found his shoulder, lifted his chin, clasped his waist…

  He could tell Clover had been trying to take it slow… give him a little time after the kiss.

  Hope he didn’t take that ‘intense’ comment too seriously. Why do I have to have such a smart mouth!? Qrow grinned in the dark. Ok, not going to regret being a smart ass. There has to be a line, right?

  His mouth kept him safe. It kept people at a distance. No one really knew when he was serious so he could say what he was really thinking and they’d shrug it off. It was just another weapon in his personal arsenal – another way to keep people he cared about as far away as possible.

  Two weeks.

  There was no way Clover would survive. In the two days since that amazing kiss he’d been nearly buried in rubble twice, thrown off a building, caught in a grim stampede and nearly hit by lightning. Actual lightning.

  Qrow turned over and buried his face in his pillow again. All he could think about was the feeling of Clover’s lips. The firm kiss still lingered, he could almost feel those calloused fingers stroke down his face and lift his chin…

  Still sexually frustrated.

  Would sleeping with him make it worse? If he follows me around like a love sick puppy (Qrow smiled a little too hard in the dark) then won’t he be doomed anyway? Would giving the both of them a tiny hint of relief really be such a bad thing?

  I could certainly use some damn sleep, he thought, pressing his hard-on into the sheets and sighing.

  In a fit of frustration he leapt off the bed, throwing the covers everywhere. That’s it. I’m getting up. This is bullshit.

  He looked over at the clock. It was four-thirty. Must have drifted off for a little at least…

  Only four hours until the briefing. Only four hours until I see him again.

  It felt like a long time.

  Qrow flicked a light switch and scowled into the bright light. He threw on some shoes and left his room. He wore sweats and a t-shirt to bed so he didn’t even have to get dressed. Just walk. Find a rhythm in your steps. Walk and keep walking.

  It was a good way to keep the demons at bay. He just let the rhythm of his body take him. He went around the corridors, sometimes hearing a faint snoring from someone’s quarters. It was weirdly comforting after everything that had happened, the sound of other people, relaxed… fast asleep.

  He found himself in the mess hall before long, empty metal tables gleaming in the moonlight which streamed through the window.

  He turned his heels to go and a voice floated out of the darkness, “Can’t sleep?”

  Clover.

  Qrow hesitated on the threshold. He considered just walking away. Probably better to get as far away from the guy as possible before he spontaneously combusts…

  But he didn’t. He just stood there. Clover walked out of a shadow beside the window, he approached slowly and sat on a table a few metres away.

  Still giving me space. Why does he have to be so damn considerate?

  “Didn’t think you were the skulking in the shadows type,” Qrow drawled, trying to make light of the situation. His chest felt like it was going to implode as the light hit Clover’s face just so…

  “I have a dark streak,” Clover smiled.

  “Oh yeah?” Qrow felt a smile tugging at his lips. Clover. Dark. What a heap.

  “Yeah. I like horror movies and I dress up every year for Halloween,” he nodded like this was absolutely conclusive.

  Qrow shook his head, “I can’t even tell if you’re serious.”

  Clover opened his mouth in mock-offense, “I’m always serious! I’m super, super serious!”

  Qrow just laughed. How can this guy make me feel so relaxed!? It’s five am!

  But as soon as his heart began to lift he felt it all come crashing down. Clover’s face was so open, so welcoming, so GODDAMNED HAPPY.

  I can’t do this to him. I can’t inflict this… me… on him. On his life.

  “Well, enjoy the darkness then I guess…” he said, as he turned away.

  He could hear Clover stand up behind him, “Qrow… wait…”

  He hesitated, one foot over the threshold.

  This is selfish. This is selfish. Don’t punish him for being so good.

He felt the hand on his shoulder.

  Don’t do it to him, Qrow. You’re enough of an asshole already.

  “Watch it,” he said, “I’m pretty sure if you touch me for long enough the whole of Atlas will fall out of the sky.”

  “Hasn’t happened yet,” Clover’s voice was soft behind him.

  “Yeah right,” Qrow turned, guilt and self-loathing making him surly, “you’ve survived two days of being near me. Lucky, lucky you. Hopefully next time there’s a storm you don’t stand a foot to the left, hey? Hopefully next time there’s some grim on the loose, you don’t lose your footing at the top of a high building, hey!? And we can only damn PRAY that ne..”

  “Stop it!” Clover’s eyes burned with an intensity Qrow hadn’t seen before.

  They both were startled into silence.

  Finally, Clover let his hand drop from Qrow’s shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said.

  Qrow looked at him and felt a flicker in his chest. Something more than sexual frustration, more than lust.

  Oh no… I can’t do this.

  Qrow pushed the feeling deep into his stomach. That’s it. I’m done.

  He turned and Clover’s hand grabbed his elbow. Qrow looked down, a full on war raging in his chest. Don’t you want to live you cocky idiot!?

  “You don’t get it! What do I have to do to get rid of you!?” his voice was raised but in his heart, he just felt empty.

  Clover smiled down at him, his eyes bright and his cheeks kissed with the first hint of a blush. He didn’t let go.

  “If you stop shouting, that might help.”

  What do I do…!? Do I tear my arm away? Kiss him? Fall on his perfect muscled chest and just fucking cry!?

  From somewhere inside his smart mouth came to his rescue, “You like me shouting?” it said.

  Clover looked at him with those perfect turquoise eyes, “Yes. I really like you shouting.”

  Qrow smiled in spite of himself, “You’re a weird guy.”

  Clover finally let go of his elbow but his eyes still searched Qrow’s face with worrying intensity, “It’s been said.” He gave a wry smile in return.

  Qrow hesitated, it would be so easy to just lean forwards… just put his head on Clover’s chest and let him kiss all the pain away. “Persistent fucker, aren’t you?” he said.

  “Yeah…” Clover shook his head, looking suddenly embarrassed, “I know I come on a bit strong… I’m sorry. I want you to know that I’m here for you in… all the ways but I don’t actually want to hound you to the ends of the earth… so… if you don’t want to take it any further… you can just let me know. I’m a professional. I won’t make it a big deal.”

  Clover looked at the ground like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. Yes, here is my heart, please, step on it.

  “Further?” Qrow squeaked, regretting it instantly.

  “Yes,” Clover told the floor.

  “Like…?” Qrow said. No, stop this! I’m leaving, remember!?

  Clover looked up, his eyes twinkling, “Like when a man and a man like each other very mu..”

  Qrow spluttered, trying to cough and laugh at the same time, “Ok. Yes. Thanks. I am a little bit old for the birds and the bees if you don’t mind.”

They looked at each other for a minute, Qrow memorising this moment. Memorising his face. It never did to let these moments pass when joy was fleeting and always, always gone too soon.

  Finally, he spoke, “And what’s with all the sass recently? I thought that was my schtick.”

  Clover grinned, sheepish, “I thought you might like it. You seem to get sick of the tin soldier trope.”

  “I… do like it,” Qrow breathed, leaning in almost imperceptibly. He could feel the warmth of Clover’s chest. Feel where his hand had rested on his shoulder… all the delicious thoughts that had swirled around in his mind for hours just came pouring out… he looked into Clover’s eyes.

  Now or never, asshole.

  “What about you?” Qrow asked, his voice breathy, barely a whisper.

  “What about me?” Clover asked, his eyes fixed on Qrow’s lips.

  “Are you the dinner and a movie type?” Qrow asked. He stopped breathing.

  “You paying?” Clover sassed.

  “Just stop ok. It’s weirding me out.”

  Clover laughed, “I don’t know, I’m starting to like it.”

  “Ok, I’ll pay! You really know how to make a guy feel special, you know that?” Qrow scowled, faking mad.

  Clover looked at his dark, brooding face with a look that bordered on catatonic.

  “You are so hopeless,” Qrow laughed.

  “Only with you,” Clover breathed.

  Fuck it.

  Qrow lifted his hands around Clover’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. He felt those rough hands close around his waist and pull them together. After that there was just lips, then strong arms picking him up and carrying him down the corridor.

  “Put me down!”

  “No,” Clover said as he marched back to his quarters with his prize.

  Oh well, I tried, Qrow thought as he melted into the warm chest and tried not to think about what he was going to do to the arrogant asshole as soon as the door had closed.

  ---xxx---

  “So…” Yang asked, keeping it casual, “Where are you going?”

  “Dinner. It’s dinner time. I’m going to dinner,” Qrow said, not meeting her eyes.

  “With… Clover?”

  Qrow turned sharply, glowering into her cool violet gaze, “Yes. He bet me that my misfortune couldn’t ruin everything if he was around.”

  “And the best way to test that is dinner?”

  “Yesssss.”

  “And that’s why you spent 2 hours getting ready…”

  “Haven’t you got someone else to annoy?” Qrow asked, hoping his hair was still ok.

  “Not really…” she grinned. “OK WELL I have to go,” Qrow said, scuttling out of that hell hole as fast as he could move.

---xxx---

  Clover sat at the table, gazing out into the cold winter sky. Qrow was late but only a little. And for the first time, Clover wasn’t worried. Last night was… OH GODS IT WAS AMAZING HOW DO YOU EVEN MOVE YOUR BODY LIKE THAT UGH…

  Yeah ok. It was good, he laughed at himself nervously and covered his hard-on with a serviette. What a man.

  The window was open just a crack to balance the heat from the blazing fire. As Clover gazed out across the swirling snowflakes, thinking about ass, a little black bird hopped through the window and onto the table.

  “Awww look at you,” Clover said softly, “Hey there little guy…” he laughed as he realised what type of bird it was. “Oh no! I think we’ve got our wires crossed; I’ve just fallen in love with a totally different crow! And if he sees us like this, who knows what might happen,” he smiled and broke a bread roll in half, putting half on the table in front of the little bird, “but here… aww I can’t be mad at you. Maybe we can have a little thing on the side… my Qrow can be a bit snarky and you are just SO CUTE!”

  The little bird hopped onto the other seat and looked at him, head slightly tilted and little red eyes glittering.

  In an instant Clover was looking into a completely different pair of glittering red eyes as the blush to end all blushes surged onto his face.

  “I’m not cute,” Qrow said pointedly, “but thanks for the roll.”

  Clover blinked. The blush deepened, “SO CUTE,” he squeaked.

  “Oh my god, stop it now,” Qrow grinned.

  After a little time, Clover regained the power of speech, “Well, I see that my humiliation is finally complete.”

  “It has been for quite a while, I’m afraid.”

  “Why must I fall for gorgeous, mouthy bad boys!? I’m a smooth guy!”

  “I don’t know,” Qrow shrugged, just enjoying the moment.

  “Well…. Uh…” Clover buried his head in the menu.

  Qrow mulled over what he’d just heard. I mean, it wasn’t a heart to heart… Clover was just dribbling crap at what he thought was a cute bird. It didn’t mean anything.

  …I’ve just fallen in love with a totally different crow…

  His heart surged in his chest as he looked across the table at this, sexy confident guy… his ears were still bright pink.

  He’s fucking adorable.

  This is not ok.

  As he stared, Clover’s eyes flicked up. He grinned like a total idiot then looked away.

  UGH, Qrow’s whole body groaned.

  DOOMED.

  ---xxx---

Part Five

[iamvegorott]

Undercover Love Ch 27

The Last Secret

“Bing, Google, try to track their location. Host, see if you can figure out anything without hurting yourself. Edward and Henrick, make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. Jackie, Wilford, JJ, Bim, and Yandere, go to the vault and grab every weapon that you possibly can because whoever the bastard that took my husband and child is going to rue the day they fucking pissed off this gay man!” Marvin was now rapidly pressing buttons on the control panel and line after line of code began scrolling on the remaining screens.

Dark was paralyzed, eyes wide and fixated on the screen that had Anti and Chase on it.

Was this a sign?

Should he have never thought that it would ever happen?

Was this his fault?

“Do you have any idea of anyone that would do this?” Bing asked.

“The bigger question is, who’s capable of doing this?” Google added. “Someone managed to trap a literal virus and a bulletproof man. They have to be like us to some degree.”

“I honestly have no idea who they are, but they won’t be alive much longer when we get them back,” Marvin stated.

“Anti…” Chase’s voice came through the speaker.

“We have sound!” Bing announced.

“It’s okay, we’re gonna be okay...right?” Anti was twitching, shaking as if struggling to keep still.

“Shit, he’s anxious.” Marvin’s voice was heavy with fear.

“I mean, understandably so, but why are you making it sound like a death sentence?” Edward asked.

“He glitches,” Marvin said. “Phases in and out of this world and the one online.”

“The bomb on his neck,” Henrick added. “If he glitches too much…” Henrick had his voice trail off, knowing that it didn’t need to be said.

“Surly Anti can handle an explosion easily,” Edward said. “Or glitch away from it.”

“Chase can’t.” The room went dead silent.

“Anti, get out of here,” Chase said.

“If I glitch out of this thing will go off.” Anti protested.

“I know.” Chase’s voice was barely a whisper.

“You’re bulletproof, not bomb proof.”

“I know.”

“Chase!” Anti snapped. “Don’t you dare!”

“It’ll be okay, you have the others and-”

“No, no it won’t be okay!” Anti cried out. “It won’t be okay without you!”

“I’ve had a good life and...I have a good family.” Chase swallowed thickly.

“I am not leaving you to die,” Anti said with gritted teeth. “I need you.”

“Marvin will be there for you and Henrick and Jackie and Robbie and JJ...and Dark.”

“They’re not you, Chase. No one can ever be you.”

“After what those monsters did to my kids, I never thought I’d be a parent again. To have someone look up to me, to need me and for someone for me to care for.” Chase’s head slumped over, a sniff filling the room.

“Chase...please.”

“I know I’m not actually your parent, hell, I didn’t even have anything to do with your creation and you came out of it as a full-grown man but…” Chase blinked and a tear fell from his eye, landing on his jeans and creating a darker spot. “I know I did a damn good job at making sure you were happy, even though there were flops and mistakes that we both made but in the end I know that I did the best that I could.”

“Stop talking like you’re not going to make it out of this.” Anti could feel his body trembling, his emotions running high.

“It’s okay, Anti. Get home safe, please.”

“I’m not going, I’m not.” Anti shook his head. “I’m not letting you die!”

“Tell me that one of you has something!” Marvin cried, looking at Bing and Google, both who just refused to meet Marvin’s gaze as they kept working.

“Host, you’re bleeding,” Edward said as Henrick gathered up bandages.

“Host will not be useless.” Host stated.

“You’re going to kill yourself if you keep pushing yourself,” Edward warned.

“Anti and Chase will die if Host doesn’t!” Host slammed his fist into the top of the control panel, brows going up when he heard a click.

“The communicators!” Marvin exclaimed, going through the opening and counting what was there.

“Dark, you haven’t moved,” Wilford said in a whisper. “Are you okay?”

“You know damn well why I won’t leave you!” Anti had tears flowing down his face as he tried to yell some sense into Chase.

“Dark?” Wilford tried again.

“There’s one missing!” Marvin scooped up all of the devices and ran over to the other side of the control panel with them. “If we can figure out which one is gone, we should be able to track it.

“It’s not gonna be on them,” Jackie said.

“But one of the bad guys might have it.” Robbie bounced a little. “We can find them!”

“Host! Fuck!” Edward cursed when Host collapsed on top of him. “Henrik, get fluids! Jackie, help me get Host to the couch.” Edward didn’t have to wait long for Jackie to do his part.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” Anti sobbed as little parts of his body started to look blurry. “Mom, please.” He begged. “I don’t want you to go, I don’t. I love you, mom.”

“Dark, you’re going gray.” Wilford looked around to make sure no one else was looking. “Dark, your eyes.”

“Model, 2-B-5-4-R-S-T!” Marvin watched as Google and Bing both perk up and typed even faster than before. “Hurry!”

“I love you too, Anti,” Chase said, a soft beeping following.

“No.” Dark finally spoke, his entire body vanishing in a cloud of black smoke.

“Found-” Bing slapped his hands over his face when there was a loud explosion, the image becoming static.

“No! No!” Marvin cried at the top of his lungs. “No! No God, please! No!”

“Ant…” Robbie fell to his rear, hands over his face as he sobbed into them.

“Don’t take them, please!” Marvin begged towards the screen. “Don’t take them away from me!”

“Oh, God.” Yandere whimpered before hiding her face into Bim’s chest, crying into it while Bim held her, crying as well. Edward and Henrick both stared at the screen, stunned as their mouths were frozen open with Host still unconscious next to them. JJ went over to Wilford and held his arm, Wilford adjusted them so he was fully embracing JJ, feeling the silent sobs against him. Bing cried into Google’s shoulder while Google just shook his head in disbelief. Jackie has his hands at his head, pressing them hard against it as he fought his own tears and losing that battle quickly.

“No...no...no…” Marvin’s voice got softer and softer as he fell to his knees. “Please.”

“What the fuck?” The curse made Marvin almost break his neck from turning his head so fast.

“Chase!” Marvin cried out and scrambled to his feet, immediately hugging the other man. He covered Chase’s face with kisses, getting a chuckle from him. “I thought I lost you!”

“Love you too, dad,” Anti said with a little smile, yelping when Marvin was now on him and making sure he wasn’t hurt. “I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“I thought you couldn’t glitch with other people?” Jackie asked.

“I can’t,” Anti answered.

“Then how did you…” Everyone followed Anti’s glance as he looked at Dark, who’s skin was now a dull gray and an aura of red and blue surrounding him.

“I was not expecting that,” Chase said.

“No. Understand.” JJ signed, shaking his head.

“I knew something was off, but…” Henrik was at a lost for words.

“Dark, what are you?” Anti asked.

“I’m not human either.” Dark finally admitted. “I don’t know what I am exactly. Dark took several steps, heading over to the fallen bouquet. “Most call me a demon, so that’s the title I go with. I used to formless, a simple consciousness that seeped in from another realm and found a house known for trouble.” JJ felt Wilford stiffen. “The woman wanted to find me, to contact me, to know if I was the cause of everything happening in the house...sadly she didn’t know I wanted a body.” Dark slowly bent down and picked up the flowers. “She’s dead, along with her brother and I took over the body of the brother and while their souls are gone, their energy is what keeps me whole.” Dark started an attempt to fix the bouquet. “But the house had gotten used to my own energy and with me gone, it broke, shattering everything...and one inside of it.” A look over at Wilford told the Septiceyes what they needed to know. “Wilford found me and I found him. I knew what I was and what I will always be. A killer.” Dark faced Anti, flowers between them. “A monster.” Anti took a small step towards Dark. “A monster without feelings, a heart, anything that could be related to actually being a living thing.” Dark took in a shaky breath. “I don’t know I actually thought for a second that I could have anything that would make me...human.” There was a shared silence between Dark and Anti. “I-” Dark didn't get to continue before Anti grabbed him by placing both hands on his cheeks and pulling him in for a kiss.

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[lostlegacyuniverse]

I just realized I never posted my new DnD character here.

Murmur is an albino Kenku Warlock. His patron is the Raven Queen, and he has this rad albino raven familiar that gives him passive buffs, and can be used to scout n’ stuff because they’re telepathically linked.

Once he hits level 6 (He’s 3 right now), he’ll be able to turn INTO his familiar, and become completely immune to damage, which will be fun to play with.

He is a surly bookkeeper and a forger of documents for hire, that also hoards knives to the point of obsession. In fact, he started out with 6, and in our second session we killed a group of kobalds and I beat our Rogue in a roll for their weapons, so now he’s got 16 of them. He keeps them in little pockets on the inside of his cloak. Quite literally, cloak and dagger.

Also, he screams. He’s a temperamental birb.

[thedoveofshield]

Mun: you need someone sweet and gentle who will be kind to you, my naive virgin birb.

Gemma: Surly, violent Eastern European men are fit.

Mun: ....why are you like this.

[rraaaarrl]

what is this new comic u have been reading. give me the rundown. i am intrigued and contemplating reading it. thank u; ur lovely

Hello!

I’m posting two comics lately that are both gr8 in their own ways, let me tell you about them!

Shade, the Changing Girl

Key points:

Birb alien inhabiting human girl form!

The horrors of high school as seen through alien eyes!

A corgi!

Pretty art!

Also: bisexuals! 

Doom Patrol

Key points:

Casey Brinke is adorable!

Her cat is named Lotion!

Robotman, a surly cyborg!

Negative Man, who looks like a super fashionable mummy!

What is even going on....(five issues later) ohhhhh THAT’s what’s going on I THINK.

Basically I would like to go back and read the older volumes of both titles, when I have the time which is like never :’(. My only encounter with Shade the Changing Man is when he appeared in Hellblazer, for one thing.

Anyway, if you’re looking for some weird distractions, I recommend both titles!

[betabites]

Dragons of Tiamat - Deeds

Overview - Dragon Chassis - Templates - Deeds - Opposition - The Prison

Now with DM Commentary!

Flirted With A Mysterious Stranger Tall, foreign, and wrapped in sensual mystery. Benefit: Like the stranger, the benefits of this card are mysterious.

DM Commentary: The stranger was connected to the main plot, and would have given the PCs a secret ally in the second adventure.

Robbed A Potioneer Stolen potions always taste better. Benefit: You recover an additional 5hp from healing potions. You have the following additional potions: Potion of healing x3 (heals 15hp [20hp for you]) Potion of shield (+4 AC for 10 minutes) Potion of magic fang (+1 to hit and damage with natural weapons for 1 minute; counts a magical weapons) Potion of fertility x5 (Half-dragons ho!) Potion of infertility x5 (always fuck carriages responsibly, wyrmlings! Otherwise, you get half-dragon carriages, and no one wants tanks)

DM Commentary: One of Flix’s picks. More options never hurt.

Burned Down The Inn And the stables, and the carriage house, and the outhouse, and the well, and the town. Benefit: Whenever you deal fire damage (by any means), increase the damage dealt by +5.

DM Commentary: If you’re prepared for the PCs to burn down absolutely everything, you may as well give them mechanical incentive to do so.

Drank the Cellars Dry Are you even legal to fly after that? Benefit: You have an alternate breath weapon. It is a 30ft cone of alcohol fumes that linger for 1d4+1 rounds. Any use of fire within the area causes the fumes to explode, dealing 5d5+5 fire damage within the area, including the damage from the triggering fire, if any. You must wait 1d4+1 rounds after using this breath weapon before using any other breath weapon.

DM Commentary: One of the dangling combo options I included. Combine it with ‘Burned Down The Inn’ and let the bodies hit the floor.

Ate A Whole Horse Bigger dragon = More powerful dragon. You might also stress-eat. Benefit: You start with 25 temporary hit points. Once lost, these temporary hit points cannot be regained.

DM Commentary: Inspired by the Queen of Blood from Rich Burlew’s incomparable Order of the Stick.

Fought A Duel And won two. Math that, sages! Benefit: You can reroll an attack roll with a +2 bonus. You can use this ability three times.

DM Commentary: Sometimes, PCs need a little extra luck. May have been better to make it applicable to any roll made while in combat, just for that extra bit of versatility.

Saved Some Bandits... For Later Your ascension to the position of dread tyrant has only just begun. Benefit: You have three bandit minions. They are slavishly devoted to you, but they aren't great in a stand-up fight. Lex, Vic and Minny, Bandits HP 24 (3 HD); AC 15, flat-footed n/a, touch 13 Fort +3 Ref +5 (Evasion) Will +2 Init On bosses's initiative; Spd 30ft Melee Club +4 (1d6+2) Ranged Shortbow +4 (1d6+2) Special Sneak Attack +1d6 Skills Hide +7, Intimidate +7, Listen +7, Move Silently +7, Spot +7 Str 14 Dex 14 Con 13 Int 9 Wis 8 Cha 8

DM Commentary: One of Minnen’s picks, confusingly, because of Minny. They’re 3rd level Rogues, mostly. Surprisingly, all three of them survived, despite being the rearguard in the big fight. One survived a 30ft fall, even. I was very impressed. They’ll be coming back.

Cracked The Cult's Codes Oh yeah, make that brain throb with thought. Benefit: You can decipher secret smith-cult messages, know an array of standard call-and-responses, and various identifying passphrases. Most of them are silly.

DM Commentary: One of the fluff-heavy Deeds. Didn’t get used, so I’m not sure what would’ve happened with it.

Sacrificed A Treasure To Tiamat And it was so shiny. Benefit: You can reroll any one die. You can use this ability three times.

DM Commentary: One of Bhela’s picks. May be too close to ‘Fought a Duel.’

Smitten (By A Paladin) They were hot, you panicked, and next thing you know, you were being smote. Yea, mightily. Benefit: You can smite an enemy when you make an attack (before or after you make the to-hit and/or damage rolls). You are at +4 to hit and +8 to damage. You can use this ability three times.

DM Commentary: One of Rezzy’s picks. They’ve requested that the paladin show up again, since they want to know more.

Captured A Pixie And forced it to tell you the secrets of the speedy-zoom. Benefit: As a free action, you can move your land speed. You can use this ability three times.

DM Commentary: One of Rezzy’s picks. A slimmed-down Travel devotion. It’s insane that the Devotion lasts for a minute. Good, but insane. It’s still useful as ‘trade turn attempts for moving your speed as a swift action.’

Interrogated An Old Pilgrim Tall, foreign, and wrapped in sensual mystery.  Benefit: You have a map of the Temple of the Smith-Cult. The detail isn't the greatest, but it's more than you had before.

DM Commentary: Another fluff option. It would have cut down on the information-gathering segment considerably. The fluff text is the result of me using the ‘Flirted with a Mysterious Stranger’ option as a template, and forgetting to replace the fluff text. An option: It’s amazing how good a drawing it is, given the circumstances.

Joined An Orgy You licked it. Benefit: You have an alternate breath weapon. It is a 30ft cone of lubricant that lingers for 1d4+1 rounds. Anyone who moves in it make a Reflex save or fall prone. You must wait 1d4+1 rounds after using this breath weapon before using any other breath weapon.

DM Commentary: Mmm, delicious crowd control.

Dug Up A Hidden Horde Nothing exceptional, but a nice horde seed nonetheless. Benefit: You have an additional 1000gp in various denominations, materials and origins of currency.

DM Commentary: Money is a superpower, after all.

Became A Patron Of The Arts The troupe was putting on your favorite play, Kitty-Orc and the Land of Wanton Wyrms. Benefit: The troupe is in town at the moment, and can be consulted for information or minor services.

DM Commentary: Another fluff entry, more on the social end of things.

Recovered A Grimoire From A Ruined Tower No harm ever came from reading a book... Benefit: As a standard action, you can summon a bearded devil for one encounter or ten minutes, whichever is shorter. It will obey your commands to the death, but will make rude and unhelpful comments the whole time. You can use this ability once.

DM Commentary: One of Bhela’s picks. “Lets get beardy!” Public service announcement: bearded devils have horrifying sewer beards, and you should absolutely not be friends with them.

Extracted Tribute From A Druid And by 'tribute', we mean 'there's an angry owlbear in a flask at your belt.' You may have been swindled. Benefit: As a standard action, you can summon an owlbear with 75hp for one encounter or ten minutes, whichever is shorter. It will obey your commands to the death, but it will be surly about it. You can use this ability once.

DM Commentary: One of Flix’s picks. I mean, who doesn’t want a grumpy birb-bear? A really tanky one.

Ate An Anvil... Like, With A Fork That blacksmith was absolutely terrified. Also, it was tasty. Benefit: You have an alternate breath weapon. It is a 60ft line of iron shards deals 5d6+5 piercing and slashing damage (Reflex for half). If they fail the saving throw, they also take 2d6+5 damage the following round. You must wait 1d4+1 rounds after using this breath weapon before using any other breath weapon.

DM Commentary: I can’t have a campaign with the abbreviation ‘DoT’ without including a damage-over-time effect. I probably need more DoTs.

Ran Over Some Peasants With A Cart Their bodies are in the back, and are killing the resale value. Benefit: You have a cart, drawn by a vicious heavy warhorse. It's not a warhorse by breeding or training, but it is an enormous jerk. You also have eight peasant bodies, with their effects.

DM Commentary: Oddly enough, I’ve had multiple sessions that involved carts, cart-based vehicular manslaughter, and the depreciation of cart values. This is one of the ‘I have no idea what they’ll do with it, but PCs are inventive, so I’ll see what happens’ options.

Indulged In A Manicure And visited a barber. Luxury! And very sharp claws and teeth. Benefit: Your attacks are improved. Bite +10 (1d8+5) Claws +8/+8 (1d6+3) Wing Attacks +8/+8 (1d4+3)

DM Commentary: One of Minnen’s picks. Nothing wrong with more pluses.

Bearer Of The Creepiest Bag of Holding Ever Nothing like Santa. Kind of like Krampus. Benefit: You have a bag of holding type III. It can hold 1000lb. It is currently filled with 800lbs of dead bodies, in various states of decay. Cleaning it will be a Herculean task.

DM Commentary: Useful, but creepy. Related, I once played Krampus in a Christmas one-shot. I built him as a dwarf shapeshifter variant druid/warshaper, and had a type 4 bag of holding. My problem-solving was a) kill it and/or b) put it in my bag.

Prayed To A Forgotten God Derelict altar, nearby copses, what could go wrong? Benefit: You can reroll a saving throw with a +2 bonus. You can use this ability three times.

DM Commentary: Of a kind with the other reroll Deeds. Not the most exciting option.

Ate Very Alarming Foreign Food In retrospect, they were fucking with you. Benefit: You have an alternate breath weapon. It is a 30ft cone of writhing green worms that immobilizes and entangles all within the area for 1d4+1 rounds (Reflex to negate immobilize). You must wait 1d4+3 rounds after using this breath weapon before using any other breath weapon.

DM Commentary: Man, I made a lot of crowd-control breath weapon options.

Developed A Symbiosis With Canaries There are seven of them, and they clean your mouth, and they are your best friends. Benefit: You deal maximum damage with your breath weapon. You can use this ability once.

DM Commentary: Powerful, but limited. Another nod to Bahamut, whose human avatar wanders around with seven canaries that are polymorphed great wyrm gold dragons. ...Don’t know how that would have affected the ending.

Fought A Werewolf Moon Moon will regret that night. Benefit: Gain Damage Reduction 5/- for the rest of the encounter. You can use this ability once.

DM Commentary: Powerful, but limited.