#Supporting Light vs Supporting Shadow

[markantonys]

The Forsaken fought among themselves as much as they fought the Dragon. But everything that I could find out said that Lanfear, Lews Therin, and Ishamael were inseparable before the War of Power. They were best friends. Just like these kids.

[trashlie]

Shinae the Light vs Yui the Shadow

This post heavily discusses episode 138 but also pulls from 170, 179, and 180 and discusses things up to 214, but nothing from the FP epsiodes! 

Earlier today I read this post and it got me thinking a LOT - and trust me that I’m going to ramble about something else shortly outside of this lol - regarding shadows and lighting!

One of the episodes that most deliberately plays with lighting and shadows in a very in your face way is episode 138, where Shinae speaks to Rand about wanting to renegotiate her contract. It’s an interesting episode, because Shinae is met with another side of Rand than the man (the father) who was trying to help Nol. This version of him shuts her down immediately and informs her that he has no jurisdiction over her contract.

As readers, we can deduce that he is speaking this way because Yui is around and he cannot divulge any bit of knowledge that he has been working with Shinae, that there is any sense of relationship there. But also, he isn’t lying in that he can do nothing about her contract. Interestingly, he is in the light where she is in the shadow. He’s not the focus of this moment, but I find that very interesting regardless - Rand is unable to help because he doesn’t have that power. They aren’t on equal footing here. One is in the dark, one has the power of illumination - he knows more intimately than Shinae who and what Yui is.

But my thought is not about Rand but rather Shinae and Yui.

Throughout their conversation, Shinae is in the shadow. She is part of Yui’s trap, in a pit she cannot crawl out of. Yui wields power over her both in the sense of her employer and also as a person who has played with her as prey. Yui, too, is in the shadow. While some light casts on her, she faces away from it and it doesn’t reach her face.

I’ve wondered a lot about Yui and what her situation is, why she is the kind of person she is. I don’t think she’s without reasons - I just think we don’t know enough about her to really know yet. One of the popular theories is that of the Mukoyoshi Theory - that is, that a Japanese family with no male heirs will “adopt” the husband of (one of) their daughter, who will take their last name, rather than she take his. In this case, Yui comes from a Japanese family with a family business and it is deducible that there is no male heir. Hansuke’s family name is Shishido - not Hirahara, which means he’s related by his aunt (and Yui has mentioned her before to him). Rand, who we know is not Japanese, married into the Hirahara family and adopted their name and became a part of their family. Thus, his affair with Nessa is even more of a blight - he has a duty to the Hirahara family. It is his responsibility to not mar their name and upkeep their prestige.

We could do a whole think piece about this, and it really gets into my thoughts on Rand and Yui’s relationship, but to sum it up: it is clear that Yui wants to be the one in control, but must defer to Rand, and that she resents it. This is HER family business. I think she wishes that she was the one in control, and that she could wield that control without having to go through Rand. Yui harbors resentment for a patriarchal society in which she wields no power. There’s a lot to read into re: the way she wields her femininity as a tool, but that’s a whole other post. The point is: Yui resents that she does not have the power she thinks she deserves, the power that she’s capable of, and that fully plays into Shinae.

But, for the sake of this post at this time, it’s essentially that Yui, too, exists in the dark, in the shadows. She can only run this company through others - through her marriage to Rand, through Kousuke, the sole heir. But as powerful and intimidating as she is, she, too, is trapped. She, too, is relegated to the darkness, because it is only from the shadows that she can operate. Yui wears a constant mask, always putting on the front of a concerned mother, a feeble frail lady, a sweet simpering maternal woman. The real Yui lives in the shadows. She’s not allowed to freely be the person she wants to be, she puts on a front for society, for the patriarchy, for the sake of being able to move in the shadows.

Shinae’s objective is to escape the shadow, the prison, the dark. She longs to escape poverty, she longs to escape the prison she turned herself into, she longs to escape the job in which she feels unsafe, the contract that she signed, the agreement she made under false premises. She longs to escape Yui’s reach. And while she can’t escape most of those yet, she still works towards the light. unlike Yui, who has accepted that she belongs to and operates in the shadows and pulls people into them with her, Shinae strives for the light at all times. She wants to be a better daughter, a better friend. She strives to be able to help out her father and create a better life for them. And especially since the black and white formal, Shinae’s inclination towards the right side, the side of light, has grown stronger.

It’s not a bad vs good kind of thing so much as Shinae chooses to work honestly. She’s trying to address the things that scare her - the insecurity she felt about Maya and Rika’s friendship, the quiet plaguing fear that maybe Minhyuk also just tolerated her. She’s had difficult conversations with her father, she has had difficult conversations with her friends. Instead of shirking into the shadows, Shinae moves towards enlightenment. Even if things end, isn’t it better for them to end on good terms, with understanding? Even if she gets hurt, isn’t it better than she gets hurt being honest, than never progress at all? Even if she fails, isn’t it better to make effort than live with regret?

Shinae leaving Yui by way of the light is pointed. Yui’s goal is to pull everyone down with her. If she lives in the shadows, so, too, must everyone else. And the thing about this scene is - I think Yui means it, genuinely. She has a very different way of seeing the world than Shinae and even much of us as readers. Shinae believes in working hard; Yui understands that privilege and connections are more powerful. Yui can see in Shinae the makings of a strong, powerful woman - but power doesn’t have to look one way. For Yui, power is controlling those around her, especially the ones who are meant to have power over her. In a world where men are the all-power, Yui feels powerful when she can manipulate and push them around.

But when she tells Shinae she doesn’t want her to make the “wrong choices” I believe her. It’s just... what does Yui consider to be the wrong choices? Much in the same way that so much of ILY changes based on whose perspective you view it through re: Nol and Kousuke, we the same of Shinae and Yui. Yui is a woman who knows how to make the world yield to you, how to get what you want out of it.

This is a whole other tangent, but because I’m trying to validate my Yui views lol, I believe this is part of what Yui has done with Meg and Alyssa. In fact, I feel like Yui has absolutely treated Meg and her obsession with Kousuke as a joke - what woman demeans herself in such a way for a man? It’s the complete opposite of Yui’s power. Men yield to HER, not the other way around. Is Alyssa a test of her will, to see how much she will bend before she can break? Does Yui hope to find a hidden spine in her, someone who will eventually push back? I think that’s why she has shifted to Shinae - she has the fight and the spirit that Yui wants to mold. Shinae is strong and faces her fears. But she also stands for the complete opposite of Yui, which makes her a fun challenge.

As Shinae moves into the light and leaves Yui to the shadows, Yui makes an attempt to pull her back into them. Or maybe, rather, she’s planted the seed? It’s an ominous moment, Yui’s certainty that there will be a time when Shinae will go running to her, will want her help, her step up in the world. But at this moment, Yui is unsuccessful. Though Shinae cannot renegotiate her contract like she wanted, she still makes the choice to deny Yui’s offering. She will continue her path in the light. She refuses to let Yui pull her down into her shadows.

As much as we view this story as a game of chess between the white and dark side, so much of it gets told through the shadows and the light. Who else spends his time illustrated in the shadows, existing outside of peoples’ view, wearing a mask out in the light? Nol is one of Yui’s prey - he’s learning how to stand on his own feet as himself, but so much of his imagery has been enshrouded in shadows, a victim of Yui for so long that he’s forgotten how to make his way out of the dark, until now.

Shinae has the ability to bring him out of the shadow, to give him the eventual courage to exist outside of the shadows, to allow himself to enjoy the light. Every time he turns away, he finds himself drawn back in. Every moment he’s angled himself away from her in effort to stay where he thinks he belongs, to skulk in the dark, he still ends up moving towards her.

And every time that Nol choose to go towards Shinae, he moves towards the light.

Like literally lol. In the pool, he basked there in the dark, willing to finally throw in the towel accept that peace, but because of Shinae, because of his penance, he chose to move towards the light once again. Maybe he thought it would be for the last time, but we’ve seen better.

Shinae guides him back out of the shadows.

And that brings us to my next post: how Shinae is the true adversary of Yui. 

Really, go read @denjidomination​’s post! It’s got me going off on a whole different tangent than I planned to this week, but I think I’ll be able to get to it before the next update. I’ve said for so long now that Shinae is very likely meant to help bridge Nol and Kousuke, but I think more than that, Shinae is the guiding light for them - that in very different ways, both Nol and Kousuke exist in the shadows and are imprisoned by their circumstances and experiences, and Shinae, I think, is the one who will be able to help them fight back against that darkness. I don’t mean this in a “She will save/fix them” kind of way as much as her presence in their lives, what she means to them, will help them to move from that which holds them down. 

But I have a headache so I have to work on that another time lol 

[lucysweatslove]

Did I go to the gym today? Nope. I cleaned the kitchen and lazed around in bed with my dog before deciding to do some eyeshadow because I haven’t once used purple ALL THIS MONTH and April is a purple month.

My first every eyeshadow “palette” was a purple set from Neutrogena and it was… uh… not good? Literally the purple didn’t show up at all. I have much better shadows now (used mostly shadows from Lethal cosmetics today), and I honestly love using purples, but for some reason I was stuck in a loop of green.

I may in fact go to the gym tonight after dinner but I may also just want to rest.

[unboundprompts]

Hey, I was wondering how to write nightmares, or sleep paralysis for my next story.

How to Write Nightmares and Sleep Paralysis

Causes of Sleep Paralysis:

Insomnia

PTSD

Anxiety disorders

Panic disorders

Disrupted sleep patterns (ex: jet lag)

Family history

Symptoms of Sleep Paralysis:

Paralysis (duh)

Feeling outside of your body

Chest pressure (as if someone is standing on your chest)

Sense of suffocating or breathlessness

Feeling like there is something dangerous in the room

Nightmares vs Night Terrors:

When having a nightmare, you are likely to wake up during it and will possibly be able to recall the dream or parts of the dream.

When having a night terror, you will not wake up and you won’t be able to recall the dream in the morning.

Symptoms of Nightmares:

Fast heart rate

Shortness of breath

Sweat

Anxiety

Struggling to go back to sleep

Writing Prompts

-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit

She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her eyes darted around the room, quick as lightning. She could see the nightlight she kept in the corner, casting the far wall of her bedroom in a blue light. Then she saw it. It watched her with a thin smile. She tried to sit up, to scream, anything, but she was frozen. The thing noticed her distress, and it stalked towards her, limbs elongated and as dark as the shadows of her room.

He sat bolt upright in bed. His heart was pounding so hard he felt like it was going to break through his chest. He grasped at his shirt, gripping the fabric as tight as he could. His skin was slick with sweat, and he had to peel his clothing off.

They stared up into the eyes of something. It was standing on their chest, looming over them with an emotionless gaze. They couldn't move, their limbs stiff and refusing to listen to their mind pleading with them to run. And so they stared. And the thing stared back.

She woke up screaming.

He tossed and he turned, but no matter what he did or however many times he flipped his pillow over, he could not fall asleep. He was too afraid. Afraid of that same, damn, nightmare.

They ran a stressed hand through their hair as they tried to control their breathing. It was quick, and they felt more and more lightheaded with each passing second. There was nothing they wanted more than to go back to sleep, but every time they closed their eyes it was like they were transported back to that awful dream. They slowly pulled themselves from the bed and stalked to the shower. They knew there was no way they would be able to sleep again tonight, so they might as well start their day.

If you like what I do and want to support me, please consider donating! I also offer editing services and other writing advice on my Ko-fi!

[fiber-optic-alligator]

Desperation vs. Domestication (Pt. 2)

Pairing: IDW Drift x Human Reader

WARNING: This story contains soft vore. If this makes you uncomfortable, please do not read this story.

Word Count: 4431

Summary: Though you have been lulled into a deep sense of security by Drift's kindness and comfort, you still haven't completely lost the need to be free. A terrible nightmare refuels your desire for escape...but Drift isn't someone who wants to let you go.

HEEHEEHEEHEE I REALLY WANTED TO WRITE A PART 2 OF THIS...so I did. It's because Drift is my all-time favorite Transformer and I absolutely LOVE putting my favorite characters through angst. If you enjoyed reading part 1, then I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! Likes, comments, feedback, and reblogs are never expected, but always appreciated! Enjoy! :D

Here is the link to pt. 1 if you haven’t read it!

Also available to read on AO3!

  Two months later…

  You dream of Earth tonight.

  There are fields; you are standing in one. Long Bermuda grass tickles your ankles with the gentle presence of the planet recognizing its own. The endless green is splattered with occasional droplets of color: pink poppies, yellow sunflowers, marigolds, dandelions. It is warm. There is a slight wind blowing, playing with your hair. You turn your face towards the sunlight and bask in the relief of knowing you are home.

  All of a sudden, you hear a sound. Thumping. Steady, rhythmic. Loud. You feel the wind die down and suddenly the sun is gone, and there is only darkness. A massive shadow blots out all of the light. You see a figure looming over you, red-and-white with bright blue eyes that stare into your soul and make you feel terror.

  You try to run, but find you cannot move your legs. There is nothing you can do when you watch a giant hand reach down in slow motion and pluck you up, holding you between titanic fingers. The monster’s mouth opens, and then you are tumbling down, right into an abyss of metal and isolation. The Earth melts away forever. You are trapped. You are alone.

  Shooting forward out of your nightmare, you hear yourself scream. The squishy floor underneath you makes you lose your footing when you scramble upward in a blind panic and fall into Drift’s stomach wall. Everything moves, the organ grumbling unhappily at you being awake. Your hands scramble at the mesh cables. Little pink bubbles of cybernetic blood pop anxiously beneath their semi-transparent surfaces. The walls close in to squeeze, holding you in a secure hug, attempting to keep you still. But you cannot think. You are scared, and you feel trapped, so you desperately begin to thrash and fight against the stomach.

  Drift’s voice booms above you, panicked. “Little one? Little one?!”

  “Let me go!” you shriek. “Please, letmegoletmegoletmego!”

  The walls loosen up, freeing you. You collapse into the fetal position, gasping while sweat beads your brow and your heart goes crazy.

  Drift presses his hands over his middle. “Little one, little one, shhhh, shh, shh, shh,” he hushes frantically. “Safe, safe…safe, all is safe...no need for fear…”

  Gradually, you calm down. Only when you are no longer trembling does Drift tentatively begin to squeeze you again. In and out, slow kneading, like he’s silently coaxing you to continue breathing at a healthier pace. “Little one…okay?” he asks.

  Your voice quivers. “I-I’m fine. I’m okay. It-It was a bad dream. A nightmare.” You sit upright and lean into the stomach wall. Drift holds you close, the undulating muscle relaxing you with its constant massage. His biolights pulse and flicker, a clear sign of his stress. You woke him up with your screams. It makes you feel bad, so you snuggle his cables further. The robot’s stomach is not a big place, but Drift likes to be conscious of you. The support you provide him in completing this task is obviously appreciated, because he hums softly and pats his hand over where you are.

  There is peace again. Peace and warmth. But you don’t feel the usual safety. There is a lingering pit of dread growing deep within your gut, foul roots clawing their way through your body, leaving you jittery, uneased. Your nightmare is the first one in months, and it’s a sure sign things are not right.

  It has been such a long time since you thought of your possible escape plan. You don’t know how long, but you do know that you can’t be comfortable here anymore. Your mind is sending the signals loud and clear.

  No more stalling, you think to yourself. No more being complacent.

  You are not domesticated yet.

  When Drift lets you out of here…you will go through with the plan to take an escape pod home. For real this time.

  It takes you weeks to perfect your plan. And when you do finally have it all figured out, you come to the conclusion that things may end up being more complicated than you thought. Escaping a spaceship filled with giant alien robots is hard enough, yes. But then there’s the issue of what will happen when you return to Earth. You don’t know how long you’ve been abducted. It could be months. It could be years. What if all of your family and friends are long gone by the time you get home? What if things are so different that you’ve been completely left behind?

  No. You can’t think like that. A sharp patting to your cheeks snaps you out of it. Keep it together. This is the moment you have been waiting for. Regardless of what awaits you on Earth, you will be there to face it.

  You’ve packed everything you own into a small fabric knapsack your mech gifted you during your first days here (Who knew robots are such good knitters?). It’s not much, not much at all: snacks Drift gives you, strange pellets that clean your teeth, three cans of filtered water…but that’s all you really require for the trip you are going to embark on. You don’t believe it will be particularly long. The escape pods need to have some sort of device that allows them to leap through lightyears to their destinations. You believe this because you’ve watched the mothership do it from the observation windows Drift likes to bring you to sometimes. Hyperspace will occasionally be activated, with stars and planets blurring together into dazzling white paint streaks before coming to an abrupt halt in a totally new galaxy.

  Now, do you know how lightjumping works? Absolutely not. Last time you were on Earth, no such human technology had been invented yet. So you don’t exactly know how you’ll get the escape pod to lightjump like the ship does. But you’ll find a way. You have no choice.

  Now for the hard part: getting away from Drift long enough to activate the escape pod and blast away. He’s not going to make it easy for you. Drift doesn’t like letting you out of his sight if you aren’t in his room, and hardly lets you roam free. You’ve spent hours, both within his stomach and out, pondering how to go about this. It’s left you with the agonizing decision that you’ll just have to wing it somehow.

  The door to his room slides open. You’ve been sitting on his berth with your hands beneath your head and one leg crossed over the other, thinking, thinking, thinking, that at first you nearly didn’t hear him come in. You sit up to greet him with more eagerness than you’d like to show. The nightmare didn’t stop your affection for Drift from rearing its persistent head.

  There’s no waiting for him to give you his time today. When he enters the room, his focus is immediately on you with no prior distractions. Drift walks with a spring in his step, his finials perking up like an enthusiastic dog. You notice a small white box he holds in one hand, and think nothing of it. Drift’s room is decorated with countless knickknacks from other planets. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s brought some strange little souvenir home.

  “Hey, big guy,” you murmur happily when he kneels down before you. He settles the box to the side and cups both hands behind you, humming his typical car engine-purr greeting. You hug him when he draws you forth so he can nuzzle his nose into your middle. “I’m guessing you missed me?”

  Drift beep-boops excitedly. He gives you an affectionate tickle to your side, causing you to giggle. Your reaction delights him. He keeps it up, and pretty soon you are laughing so hard your stomach hurts. “D-Drift, s-stop! I-I can’t breathe!”

  He gives you one last light prod, then ends the bout of torture with more cuddles. You recover from the laughter, feeling airy and light like nothing else matters except for the giant robot holding you.

  “Little one,” he coos. “My little one.”

  “Mhm,” you mumble goodnaturedly. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m yours.”

  He suddenly looks like he’s remembered something very important, and he straightens, chirping rapidly. You watch as he grabs the white box and, to your surprise, presents it to you. You glance at it, then turn to him. “For me?” you ask, pointing at yourself.

  He chirps again and nods.

  You take it from him and open it with a slight air of confusion, because he’s never given you something like this before. You think it might be a piece of jewelry, or some sort of charm. But what you see inside is neither of those things. You suck in a sharp breath of pure disbelief and go numb.

  It’s a collar. A damn collar. Sleek and narrow, its solid red with a single white stripe circumnavigating it. On one side is a strange symbol of a boxy red robot’s face-the same symbol he has on his chest. These are his colors, you realize. He’s making us match. He wants the other mechs to know that he owns you.

  Drift rumbles expectantly. When you remain frozen, unable to pry your eyes away from the collar, he gently pries it out of your now slightly shaking hands. With extreme carefulness, he clasps it around your neck. It fits comfortably and locks with a quiet click.

  “My little one,” he repeats. “Mine.”

  He’s not trying to scare you. You know he isn’t. Yet your throat is dry, and the snug weight of the collar makes you feel sick.

  You need to get the hell off of this ship.

  You spend the night feverishly trying to break the collar off, working yourself up like a caged animal driven mad by captivity. But no matter how hard you yank at it, it remains stubbornly fast around your neck. You refuse to eat the food given to you and cry yourself to sleep within a very concerned Drift’s belly, who can’t seem to console you no matter how hard he tries.

  Drift doesn’t know what to do with you.

  You’ve been moping ever since he gave you the collar. Over the next few days, any sort of drive to escape has left you. You're depressed and disappointed in him for what he’s done. You don’t want to talk to him. You don’t want to accept any of his gifts. Blanket after pillow after plushie-all made by him, with the crude markings of homemade love-are ignored. You shy away from his touch and reject his attention. When he swallows you at night, you give him no inclination you care. You sit like a stone within him and just…stare off vacantly, unable to ignore the collar around your neck.

  He’s brought you to the ship’s doctor multiple times. On the first trip, the old red medic bot looked you over and finished his checkup with a shrug and dismissive chuff. The second time, he growled at Drift and waved him away. And on the third time, he didn’t even let him through the door. There’s nothing physically wrong with you. But mentally, how could they know? How could he know he’s hurt you? You trusted him to treat you with some level of respect despite your situation, and he had, until now. The collar was your breaking point. There truly is no way for him to ever see you as anything more than a pet, and it hurts you, because by god, you love him.

  “…Little one?”

  Drift calls out to you with a soft, sad tone. You huddle up tighter beneath one of your blankets and give no answer.

  You hear him shift at his desk. There’s silence between the two of you that is not wanted. He heaves a low sigh and tries again. “Little one…please?”

  Damn your heart, you can’t keep giving him the silent treatment when he sounds like he’s about to cry.

  You push the blanket off of your head. Drift slouches in his chair, back bent like an old man’s. His finials are drooping, and the glow from his biolights is dimmer than usual. He’s obviously been letting his personal hygiene go for the sake of finding a way to help you, and it hurts to know he’s in this state because of your shitty attitude towards what he simply sees as a gift. The collar is a curse, but you can’t exactly tell him that, can you? This entire situation is all your fault.

  It's the treacherous part of your mind which attempts to convince you of this. It partially works. Giving in, you sit up slowly, drawing the blanket tightly around your shoulders and tilting your head while giving him a questioning look.

  He’s surprised by your action, like he genuinely wasn’t expecting you to respond to this extent. But he takes advantage of it. Drift offers you a hopeful smile and picks something up from his desk. He stands and walks to you, going slow. You don’t flinch when he crouches down to your level. The warm light of his eyes leaves a kind feeling on your skin.

  Tentatively, Drift extends his hand. In his palm is a piece of chocolate, one of the many treats he has at his disposal to provide you with when he feels you are being especially good. It’s an olive branch. A reach in the right direction.

  You hesitate…and then you think, Oh, what the hell. Staying mad at Drift when he has no clue he’s done something wrong in the first place won’t get you anywhere. So you accept the candy and take a small bite.

  He sags with relief, exhaust whooshing from his nose as he watches you eat. When you're finished, he moves his hand closer, twining the palm around you and resting the tips of his digits against your head and sides. You hold his index finger, resting your forehead against it and closing your eyes as a sign of trust. But you feel guilty.

  “I’m sorry,” you whisper, knowing he won’t understand. But you say it anyway. “I love you. I love you so, so much. But you're destroying me. I can’t stay here anymore.”

  A tear slips down your cheek. You don’t notice it until Drift gently brushes it away.

  “I have to go.” Your voice breaks. “I need to leave. I hope you’ll learn why. And I hope you won’t hate me for it. I-I don’t think I could handle it if you did. Please don’t hate me. Please don’t think I hated you.”

  Drift coos. His reply is indecipherable. You think he’s trying to comfort you…but you’ll never know for sure.

  He doesn’t swallow you tonight. You don’t know why; maybe he thinks you need a break. Maybe he just wants to hold you in a different fashion this time. You stay awake hours after he falls asleep, your little form nestled in the crook of his neck while he snoozes on his stomach with his arms crossed beneath his massive pillow. You peer off into the darkness, listening to his quiet breaths.

  For the longest time, you’ve thought of this room as yours and his. A space the two of you share together. Ours. It's fed into your delusional ideations of a future in which the two of you learn each other’s languages, where you stand on equal ground, you belonging to him and him belonging to you. A future where mechs and humans join hands and say “I see you. I know you. I understand you and you understand me. Neither of us is higher than the other.”

  But it will never happen. The collar around your neck is physical proof. There is no future between the two of you anymore. If you want to be you again…you need to let Drift go.

  You shuffle away from the bot’s neck and stand. The only parts of him that are lit up right now are the red symbol on his chest and the soft blue of his mouth. He’s so peaceful. This giant alien, who you know has fought in many battles from the scars you can see, is soothed by your presence. You, an insignificant little human being. The dynamic is honestly quite hilarious. You're like his very own version of a chihuahua.

 You want to hug his nose, knowing you will never have another chance again. But Drift is a light sleeper, and you're testing the waters enough already. You can’t risk it. It pains you, but you drop your arms and turn away.

  Using the metal ladder he made for you so you’d have easy access to his berth, you climb down and grab your knapsack. Quietly padding across the long expanse of the room, you make it to the door. It senses your presence and slides open. You force yourself not to look back when you walk out.

   You wonder if he will cry for you when he wakes up and finds you gone.

  The spaceship is ominous at night. The only thing you can hear as you traverse the hallways is your heartbeat pulsing in your ears. You're trying to be quiet; passing by multiple rooms with slumbering bots inside has you holding your breath and then letting it out in a forcefully slow, reedy wheeze. You are, after all, a mouse in a prison filled with cats; slow and steady and silent wins the race.

  You survey the elevator when you get to it, at a loss of how you’ll possibly find a way to operate it due to how small you are. A miracle finds its way to you, however, in the form of a mech. This one you don’t recognize. He has a similar color scheme to Drift, but is noticeably bulkier, with a strange cannon sitting on his right shoulder and a blue eyepiece over the adjacent optic. All of his focus is on the datapad in his hands as he summons the elevator. You wait for the doors to open and for him to step inside before darting after him. Luckily he doesn’t look up once on the short journey. Your cover remains unblown when the doors part again and he heads off. You go in the opposite direction, because like hell are you going to follow the strange robot to someplace where there are probably more strange robots.

  You slip in and out of sight, staying far away from any mechs who are awake. They do not see you, which means you are doing this right-though there are some alarming instances where you think you’ll be caught. One such occurrence happens when a tall, thin blue mech with a chest like the front of a helicopter nearly sees you duck into an open storage room for quick cover. Its single orb ominously scans the darkened room. You watch from beneath a large shelving unit, terrified out of your mind. You don’t move, nor do you make a sound, keeping a shaking hand over your mouth.

  Finally, after what feels like hours, the mech stomps away. You let your head fall forward respitefully.

  You know you're nearing your one-way ticket to Earth when you see bright yellow signs plastered on the walls with loud black alien words telling you to hurry left with the help of large arrows. Escape pod symbols, accompanied by a funny little robot mascot, are the giveaway. You feel a sort of giddy euphoria swell up within you. You're almost there. You're going to escape. You're going to go home. It all seems far too good to be true; sure, you’ve imagined this scenario happening over and over again, but you never really did believe it would happen.

  You pinch your arm multiple times just to make sure you aren’t dreaming. This is not in your head. This is happening. You really are going back to Earth.

  Your collar suddenly vibrates. And then it starts to screech.

  You nearly jump out of your own skin. The alarm is loud, piercing, and undeniably going to alert someone to your presence. You slam your fists against it multiple times, but it doesn’t let up. Your heart sinks when the realization of what's going on hits.

  Shit. He put a tracker in it.

  You need to run. You shove yourself forward into a full-on sprint, dashing down the last remainder of this hallway, then turning the corner and seeing the numerous escape pods all lined up in the wall. You choose the first one, grabbing the edge of the circular door and pulling with all of your might. The tendons in your neck strain as you grunt and slowly bring the door back with you. Clamoring in, you give it one last heave before it shuts on its own and seals you inside. You hear the lock click into place. The entire cabin flickers to life, with the lights on and the control panel booting up. As you expected, everything is far too big for you to reach. But it seems you won’t need to. A loud robotic voice emanates from the central console, speaking to you in the native mech language.

  Your collar is still going off. You don’t have a lot of time.

  “I-I can’t understand you!” you yell over the din. “I’m a human, from Earth! I speak English!”

  The voice pauses. Seconds later, to your amazement, it talks, and you can understand. “Language notifications made. Destination updated. Scanning…” A panel on the ceiling pops open, and a blue light filters out, washing over you. “Scanning complete. Species: Homo Sapien. Homeworld: Earth. Milky Way Galaxy. Status: Critically endangered. Suggesting immediate travel to Earth.”

  You clap your hands. “Yes! Yes, that’s it! Earth, set the destination to Earth!”

  “Destination set. Awaiting command to launch LOST LIGHT LIFEPOD 01.”

  You are about to give the order when something slams against the door. You whirl around, your heart stuttering when you see who’s there. It’s Drift. He’s made it. And he looks horrified. With trembling fingers, he yanks on the handle. When the pod remains fastly shut, he pounds on the circular window with so much force the entire thing shudders and you think he’s going to rip it right off of its hinges. “Little one!” he screams, voice muffled beyond the barrier of glass. “Little one! Open…!” The rest of the sentence comes out as sharp metal shrieks.

  You stand there helplessly. The pod once again inquires for your command, yet you can’t find it within yourself to speak.

  Drift is doing everything he can to get to you. He’s like a rabid beast, clawing at the window, teeth bared in visible frustration. His biolights are going mad when he roars and sends his whole body into the door. This time, it does give a little. You can see some dents in the gray metal.

  This…is a side of Drift you have never seen. It is desperate, vicious. And it terrifies you. You stumble back to the opposite end of the pod and curl up, hugging your knapsack to your chest like a child squeezing their favorite stuffed animal. Drift continues his futile attack on the door, but pauses when he makes eye contact with you. His face falls. His fists relax and slide downward to press palm against the glass.

  He’s quiet as he seems to reflect on how he just presented himself front of you, then whispers heartbrokenly. “...Sorry.” Tears stream down his cheeks. His hot vexation melts away and exposes his remorseful center. “Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Little one. Y/N.���

  Oh my god.

  All noise ceases when you register what he just said. Your name. He said your name. He’s never done that before. You didn’t think he knew your name.

  He learned to say it. For you.

  Drift whimpers like a kicked dog, moving to crouch lower. “Y/N. Y/N, please. Stay. Stay with me. Please don’t go. I love you.”

  You’ve changed his life. You don’t need to be told this. You know you’ve brought him a sense of joy he hasn’t felt in years. You didn’t come here of your own free will. But you freely chose to love him. You gave yourself up and became his everything while he became yours. Isn’t he your home? Isn’t he the one who saved you? Can you really leave someone who cares about you so much?

  Your legs move on their own accord. Your heart beats with his and you take tentative steps towards the door. Drift twitters and gives you an encouraging nod, gesturing for you to keep walking.

  Why do you want to leave him so badly? Why would you want to throw away this perfect life?

  Your little human hands come to rest right over his massive robotic ones. You two are separated, but you think you can feel the warmth coming from him. Drift bonks his forehead against the window anticipatingly. “Come on,” he whispers. “Come on. It’s…okay. You're okay. Please.”

  Your hands are human. You will never see another pair again if you return to him.

  Your life is not supposed to be perfect. A human’s life is messy, and disastrous, and chaotic, and beautiful. His life is too, but not in the same way as yours.

  “Goodbye, Drift,” you murmur, voice breaking. “LOST LIGHT LIFEPOD 01…take me to Earth.”

  The escape pods hums and rumbles. “Command accepted,” it announces. “Preparing ejection in three…two…one.”

  The last thing you see and hear before the pod lurches forward and rockets out of its dock is Drift’s agonized expression and his wrenching wail.

  Your vessel speeds away. You get a fantastic view of the ship in all of its stunning glory. It felt so gigantic when you were inside, but from out here, you can fully comprehend its overwhelming proportions. You watch it rapidly shrink as you gain distance from it, until it's just another speck of light in the universe. And when you can’t even see that anymore, you allow yourself to collapse against the floor eagles-spread. You gaze up at the ceiling, feeling surprisingly hollow. There is no victorious sense of triumph, no excitement to return home. You don’t even know where home is anymore. Somehow, after everything you’ve gone through, you’ve come out even more lost than you already were.

  The waterworks start shortly after the escape pod jumps into hyperspace. Heaving sobs, messy tears, you lie there and weep to the stars, not noticing when your collar finally stops beeping.

[geminimoonmadness]

NATAL

RETROGRADES

Copywrites Reserved ©️GeminiMoonMadness

A retrograde in astrology is when a planetary object appears to move backwards, which essentially means the planet's energy is somewhat effected, so those life areas that fall under that planet's domain are not as easily expressed. It’s a very karmic thing to have in the natal chart, your soul chose to incarnate to learn deeper lessons regarding the areas of life ruled by that specific planet/asteroid. To know if you have a natal retrograde in your chart, look for Rx or R on a generated chart calculator.

Fun fact: Mars is the rarest retrograde.

❤️🖤❤️

Planets

If your Ruling Planet is Retrograde it will make you doubt yourself more and you may experience self image issues.

For example: A Gemini Rising with a natal Mercury retrograde or A Sagittarius Rising with a natal Jupiter retrograde.

Mercury Retrograde gives you lessons around communication, learning and intellect. You may struggle to articulate words and speak up or may even talk too much and not know when to be quiet.

Venus Retrograde makes someone’s nature more intense & deep. They take their connections very seriously which may cause these individuals to go through difficulties in regards to their one on one relationships. Since socialising is not taken lightly there can be some sort of awkwardness when participating in small talk and general shyness in order to avoid superficial connections.

Mars Retrograde individuals may lack forward movement, assertive abilities, have a dulled passion & drive. They may feel fatigued & tired more than often. Your sex drive may also be effected because of this.

Jupiter Retrograde individuals tend to have different or unusual perspectives, belief systems, or sets of morals. They prefer to learn from their own experiences rather than from others. This placement gives me “what do you know because you’ve experienced it yourself VS what do you know because you were told” vibes.

Saturn Regrograde burdens you with responsibilities and a sense of duty in your life. You may struggle with boundaries and find it difficult to say no to others.

Uranus Retrograde may make it hard for you to fully express your inner originality and unique side. These individuals are born a rebel and may also experience unexpected & sudden karmic events in their life.

Neptune Retrograde takes away your rose coloured glasses, you may have to face hard and painful realities as the neptunian illusion is stripped away. You’re meant to discover the truth behind your illusions, realise what is sacred and be a source of light in others lives.

Pluto Retrograde brings more growth opportunities into your life. You may have a fear of letting go which you’re here to learn the importance of doing so. You need to take control of your life as your shadow side may take over if you don’t do the work to transform/grow. (Shadow work is necessary with this placement)

(I know Lilith isn’t a planet, just adding it)

Lilith Retrograde can make you a sexual deviant (because sexuality is part of Lilith’s nature and here it's manifesting differently). You may struggle with following your instincts and acknowledging your desires. For example: Someone with a retrograde Lilith in Virgo would not be the typical control freak Lilith in Virgo person, instead they will be very messy.

ASTEROIDS

Chiron Retrograde means that trauma is deep within and may even come from a past life. In this lifetime, these individuals are here to re-evaluate your relationship with anyone & anything that doesn’t support you anymore. They may find it challenging to accept their feelings and the simple fact that humans are imperfect and vulnerable.

Ceres Retrograde individuals can struggle with having the nourishment, support, resources they need and may experience a lack in some way. This usually means that your upbringing failed to teach you the proper lessons about nurture and self care, so you'll have to learn it yourself. Check your Ceres sign and it will teach you what you need to nurture.

Juno Retrograde individuals may have commitment issues or trauma they need to work through. This also is an indication of past life karma in regards to relationships. These people are the lone wolves, they tend to avoid partnerships & may even prefer to be single and independent.

Vesta Retrograde individuals may lack devotion and discipline. It can bring up issues around fear of sexuality or intimacy, obsession, prostitution or selling yourself short in some way. They’re here to learn the value of service, this will examine how much dedication they’re putting into their life. When we put in little dedication, we can suffer. When we put in too much dedication, we can suffer as well. They may struggle with feeling like they fit in because they tend to lack devotion and/or generosity for others.

Pallas Retrograde may make someone aggressive, immature, have criminal tendencies and daddy issues. These individuals strategy may not be accept by society, with a ‘pick me’ vibe. They are inclined to manipulate and lie but can overcome these traits with self awareness and shadow work.

Amor retrograde individuals have some sort of discomfort when it comes to romance. You may have some old love issues and traumas to work through. These people tend to take a different approach to romance.

Cupido Retrograde may mean you have way too many crushes or rarely have any. You become too infatuated at times, or lack passion, and need to find a balance between the two.

Eros Retrograde may cause some issues around sex. This indicates there may be past trauma on a soul level, so you need to work on acknowledging your desires and acting on urges and fantasies in a healthy way.

Hermes Retrograde people tend to be in the wrong crowd and often find themselves taking the fall for others mistakes. These people tend to be good people but they may not be the best at balancing their life and managing their time. Possible fertility issues. Due to past accidents or incidents they have experienced in a past life may give them travel-related fears in this life. (fear of flying, fear of water, fear of driving, fear of bikes, fear of trains, fear of horses, etc.)

Eris Retrograde people may unintentionally cause trouble by doing things they thought wouldn’t be an issue. They may not like confronting others because it feels uncomfortable or they feel attacked whenever they speak up for themselves - They tend to experience a lot of gaslighting yet they usually hate fighting with others. They may often feel as though they are alone even when surrounded by other people.

Aphrodite Retrograde individuals may experience extremes from having stalkers to not being adored by others at all. They may feel unseen and unappreciated by others, making it often difficult to appreciate themselves. They tend to experience a lot of drama and may not be the most jealous person but rather the person who is too insecure to be openly jealous as if it’s like they expected it, “too good to be true” vibes.

❤️🖤❤️

I tried to be as informative as I could and added as much variety as I can with the asteroids I’m familiar with. There are other retrogrades I haven’t listed here.

Let me know which of these you have!

[icanseethefuture333]

PAC: Urgent messages from your shadow self 🕷🕸🖤

Please leave a tip if you can $$$

Trigger warning: These tarot cards contain graphic content (gore, syringes, etc.) and in this pac there is mentions of trauma, substance abuse, inner child wounds, etc. The tone of the words will also sound blunt because the shadow self is brutally honest. Viewer discretion is advised.

Pile 1:

Beautiful Liar by Beyoncé & Shakira

Special by Ashnikko

Black Swan by BTS

Four of Fire, Two of Air, & Daughter of Air.

(Clarified by Adjustment)

Your shadow self wants to urge you to find balance within yourself and your life. Perhaps you are someone who is constantly juggling with tasks, hobbies, or responsibilities. You are being a "jack of all trades, but a master of none". You don't know how to multitask and yet you are still trying to do it - why? You are overwhelming yourself. Take smaller steps vs trying to finish everything all at once. You are making yourself sink into this hole of frustation on your own. In the future, you will just make things more difficult if you persist in this charade of yours. Your shadow self is giving you a kick in the butt because you rely too much on charm when you mess up or to get away shit. Also your "white lies" could turn into big lies. If you needed a job per say, this behavior could have you looked down and be seen as unprofessional. There's a lot of visuals regarding the circus. Such as the acrobats or fire tamers. You are talented and witty. Use your wits to find ways to accomplish your goals. I am also being reminded of the scene from Mulan where she unsheaths her swords and you can see her reflection. Perhaps you have a duality to yourself that you are unaware of. You need to look into the lightness and darkness of your soul. What are your light or shadow attributes? Your strengths or weaknesses? Think of what they are and write it down, then create a plan. Once you have decided what to do or how you can make better decisions. You will start to make progress in your journey. The girl is walking on a tightrope with a stick and bowls(?) on her head. This could mean you literally need to "tighten up" which is an expression of handling your business basically. There is birds flying behind her. Your spirit guides and higher self are supporting you as you walk towards your destiny. Be patient and grounded. You will feel proud of yourself in the end and feel grateful you learned this lesson. (Clarifying song: Libra by The Deli) You could be someone with Libra placements or you need to surround yourself with people that are this sign. This could also mean embodying the traits of Libra. They are known for their balance, diplomacy, fairness, friendliness, & charm.

Pile 2:

Assassin by Au/Ra

Cellophane by FKA Twigs

Go To Sleep by Bearson ft. Kailee Morgue

Five of Water (reversed), Seven of Air, & Son of Earth

(Clarified by The Magus (reversed).)

Tsk tsk. You're self sabotaging. What's going on, pile 2? I feel like you're trying to get over past disappointments but things keep crumbling and falling apart in your very eyes. You could be dealing with depression right now or you're avoiding the world because of this fear of yours. You could be laying in bed a lot or sleeping more than usual to cope. Some of you could have gotten rejected by someone you really liked and are thinking the worse as if it's the end of your love life. There's over 8 billion people in the world, it's not the end unless you act like it is. There could be so much abundance ahead of you if you would just stopped being so inconsistent and indecisive. Reflect as to why you're afraid, why are you self sabotaging, why are letting your life past you by when there's a whole world out there ready to be explored? (Clairifying song: NO PROBLEM by Nayeon ft Felix of Stray Kids) Whatever you dealt with is not happening to you right now. You survived baby. Sometimes it's good to be single because you can focus on putting that love towards your own heart. Try to focus on having fun vs finding the "one". You'd be surprised by how many people will be knocking at your door when you realize how much of a catch you are. Also stop comparing yourself to people on social media. Learn to see past people's illusions and understand they only post the positives of what's going on their life because they're scared of being vulnerable or seen as a failure. You are gonna do just fine if you focus on your own happiness.

Pile 3:

Dëserve It by Yeat

I'm Not Sorry by imagine Dragons

Element. by Kendrick Lamar

Three of Earth, Eight of Water, & The Universe

(Clarified by The Fool)

You usin' work and self achievements to cope huh? You're always working so hard to accomplish things, but have you ever took a minute to realize that you are already accomplished even if you don't succeed? (Clarifying song: No L's by Smino) Why do you always need to win? What's so bad about losing? Loss can be scary, but it can teach us valuable lessons in life as well. You fear of being seen unsuccessful, a failure. You don't want to be the gossip in your town, at your job, or family functions. Everything you do, you just work and work. You not addressing the problems in your life. What are you working for? You have money, you have trophies, you have awards, you have a long list of achievements, you have your own place, but that is not healing you. Your valuables are just things. They are not fulfilling you emotionally or mentally. For some of you, you need to stop being a doormat just for the sake of a paycheck or being provided for. This could be someone at your job, school, etc, who is stressing you. Your shadow self wants to tell you to not let anyone make you act out of character but it also gives you permission to put a bitch in check and in their place if needed to. Start setting boundaries. You need to start treating yourself with love and care as if you were a baby. You deserve to be taken care of. Nurture your soul. Nurture your heart. Nurture your mind. If you're not protecting yourself then what is the point? Don't fall into the system of being a worker bee or give into hustling and grinding culture, to the point it's gonna harm your health.

Pile 4:

UNFUCKWITTABLE by Stunna Girl

Team by Iggy Azalea

Player by Tinashe

Ace of Water, Mother of Water, & Eight of Earth

(Clarified by The Star)

Okay so I had to reshuffle for this pile because I didn't take a picture of the first cards I got so I had to redo this, so this is the last spread I finished out of all the other piles. What's interesting is that since it's getting dark I had to turn on my led mirror and use it as a lamp. It was illuminating a light onto The Star card, which I find interesting. A wish fulfillment is on its way. You guys could be manifesting something or reciting affirmations in the mirror. In the song, Stunna Girl keeps saying "I'm a stunner girl" repeatedly, stunner means to be "a strikingly beautiful or impressive person or thing". Stunna Girl has also went viral and become more popular after appearing on the show "Baddies West". You could be growing into your confidence soon and learning to love yourself unconditionally and unapologetically. You could even become more popular or go viral on social media. For some of you, you are healing generational trauma for your female ancestors. They are so proud of you! Or you could come from a family with a lot of powerful, strong, independent women. In a patriarchal society, a woman who is outspoken, knows her worth, and is self assured, is looked down upon because they are less easy to humble and manipulate. Insecure men could paint you as a "bitch" or that you look "mid", to try to humble you when that is just lies. You need to know that you're a bad bitch and that you deserve the best. Your shadow self wants you to stand tf UP! Stop giving a fuck about what other people want you to do or think of you. Make them uncomfortable with your glow up. The women in your family worked and yourself as well have worked too god damn hard for you to sit on your ass and wallow in your tears. You are smart enough, you are strong enough, you are pretty enough, you are ENOUGH. Straighten up your spine and fix your posture. Walk into the room as if you own it. I don't care if you just rolled out of bed with a pair of stained sweatpants and dirty Chuck Taylor's on, you better rock it as if it's designer. Your shadow self will back hand your ass harder than Maddy slapped Cassie from Euphoria if you keep getting in your head and overthinking about shit that's not even that serious. Also, you can have anybody you want, if somebody is stressing you out - Drop their ass and move on. You deserve to be treated like royalty. Stop settling for dust! For some of you, this message could be specific, but your mother is very proud of you or you will be set free from a mother wound. You need to read a book (48 Laws of Power and The Art of Seduction for example) or head to the books if you are a student. Also in your love life, you will not be getting played anymore, but you will be the player (not talking about breaking people's hearts or cheating, calm down Karen 😮‍💨). You will stop chasing love interests and they will be chasing you. Secure attachment for the win 💪🏽. (Clarifying song: Eat It Up by Kaliii ft. BIA). Eat this shit up, pile 4. All this is yours. You are gonna be living your best life soon. NSFW message but some of you will also feel more pleasure in your sex life and will feel more confident about demanding what you want in the bedroom. People will live to please you. There is a lot of fertility here, so be careful if you are able to get pregnant.

Pile 5:

For The Record by Sophiya

Up All Night by Drake ft. Nicki Minaj

Energy by Beyoncé ft. BEAM

Father of Fire, Four of Air (reversed), & Nine of Water (reversed)

(Clarified by Seven of Fire)

You have a lot of passion, pile 5, but you seem to get burnt out easily when it comes to trying to achieve your desires. There is a goal that you are reaching towards that you so desperately wish to achieve to the point its keeping you up at night and causing you to feel restless. Some of you could smoke, you need to cut that down or quit all togerher because it is making your nerves really bad or making you even more anxious (could cause you to age physically faster as well). Some of you could have been ghosted by someone you fell in love with pretty quickly. Possible love bombing? There is a lot of highs and lows in this relationship. Is this a friends with benefits situation? You could have a crush on someone but you are too afraid to state your feelings, so you use your sex appeal to keep them around. You need to voice what you are wanting out of this relationship because this flame will only last so long if you keep going this way. (Clarifying song: My Strange Addiction by Billie Ellish) there is so much about "fire", "lighters", "matches", "fuses", and "smoke" being mentioned in this pile. Are you guys pyromaniacs 😂? I would hope not, if you are please seek help for that lol. If not, you guys could be drawn to the "fire" as in things that intentionally just burn you in the end. It's almost as if you get off to this toxic behavior but then when it ends, you act unstable. You need to find the courage to stop engaging in behaviors that are bad for your mental, emotional, or physical health. Also be brave when expressing your needs in a relationship, if they agree then maybe you can work it out, if not, then it's time to leave. Some of you also could have an anxious attachment or have a fear of abandonment due to a absent father. You need to do shadow work or talk with a therapist to heal that. Learn to find emotional fulfillment and security within yourself.

Pile 6:

Skinnydipped by Banks

Don't Recall by KARD

Sober by Mahalia

Are you overcoming an addiction, Pile 6? Or wanting to go sober? Either way, I commend you for the strength in wanting to do so, since I know that isn't easy. This could also mean your shadow self wants you to quit doing drugs or drinking alcohol because it is making you act manic. I feel like you were treated harshly growing up or you were left with the "vultures". You could have been neglected growing up and had to learn to survive. You could of used maldaptive daydreaming to cope. Your fantasies gave you comfort in a time of stress and turmoil. I'm so sorry for that, pile 6, but you have to understand you no one is out to get to you. You can choose a new story for yourself. You dont have to be a victim anymore. You are free to start a new life for yourself. Some of you came from abusive households or were put in the system at a young age (either you were adopted or was in foster care). You could have lived in multiple places or went from house to house as a child. Did you run away as a kid? Why were you running, sweetheart? You can stop running now, take a new route. Just peacefully go towards your new journey. There is no need to rush. (Clarifying song by Come Down by Anderson .Paak & They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y) by Pete Rock & C.L Smooth) October is significant for some of you. There is going to be growth and prosperity in your life. You need to take time to nurture yourself and practice some self care. I heard "sprout" so you need to look inwards and have a conversation with your inner child. Can you remember your childhood? Do your memories seem blurry or you can't recall anything that happened? Be kind to yourself and be patient. I know it can seem nerve wracking at first but overtime you will be grateful you did it. Think of your younger self as this seed, if no one watered the plant, gave it sunlight or natural light, or fed it with fertilizer, then you can be the first to make that seed grow. Tend to your garden. This will help you build character and gain optimism. You will start to think "Hey, you know what? Maybe life isn't so bad. Maybe I can be a somebody!" And you will :) ♡ You could also be feeling very nostalgic or reminisce your youth. People could also see your growth and remember as a kid, they are going to be surprised how successful you've become to overcome your hardships. Also try to seek the professional help of a therapist or counselor if you try to unpack childhood trauma, or if you can't remember your past, it can be a sign your brain is possibly blocking you out from remembering something traumatic. Be safe and take care, pile 6 🙏🏽

Pile 7:

Run by SAAY

Monster by EXO

Just A Girl by No Doubt

Nine of Fire, Five of Air, & The Empress (reversed).

(Clarifidd by Son of Water)

Oh my 😃! Wow pile 7, do you hold a grudge against the entire male population or a masculine in mind, it seems? You are acting mad bitter. I feel you have the tendecy to be a misandrist out of the trauma from your past. You feel angry that men can get away with their wrong doings while women are forced to suffer. Ironically, you are still attracted to them. You could be struggling with your divine feminine energy. You are also resenting what it means to be a "feminine". You wish to create this on your own terms. Are you apart of the LGBTQ? or consider yourself a feminist? Maybe even both? If you are someone who is a man or identifies with masculine energy, it could mean you behave feminine in a negative way (as in you "nag" or are too "sensitive"). This also reminds me of Jules in season 2 of Euphoria when she cut her hair, started wearing black, and began to feel comfortable in her androgynous style. Some of you guys are really mixed up emotionally and mentally. Like no offense, I take that back, your shadow self wants to say "full offense" - you are acting crazy. Slow down, take a deep breath, and let it go. You are valid in your pain and your emotions, but you cannot let this world make you bitter. You can't inflict pain onto other people just because you were hurt. You are not a monster, you are not the person who hurt you. Do better and be better than them. (Clarifying song: Close Your Eyes by Kim Petras & The Hills (remix) by The Weeknd ft. Nicki Minaj) I am being reminded of the scene from Doja Cat's Streets music video when she was like this spider crawling on it's web, catching their "prey" (the love interest). You are like a black widow. Beautiful to admire from afar, but dangerous to interact with up close. There is someone who is head over heels for you. You could like this person or are pushing them away out of fear. You could be the type of person who warns people before they fall in love with you (Watch the movie "It's A Thin Line Beyween Love & Hate"). You could have even sworn to never love again (Your shadow self: "bffr" 💀). You need to harness this hatred, anger, and darkness for a better cause. Use your pain as a passion to transform yourself and become someone magnificent. Like a spider, you are resourceful. Use your sources and use your intelligence to begin this new transformation. You're lashing out of fear. You're pushing people away because of your trauma. You deserve to be treated tenderly, you're not some scary creature. You are actually so empathetic, intuitive, creative, sensual, and enticing. A mystery that people want to unravel. You are a going to be a femme fatale in it's purest form.

Pile 8:

By Any Means by Jorja Smith

Feelings by Tinashe

Human by Sevdaliza

Five of Fire, Nine of Air, & The Moon

(Clarified by The Hierophant)

Pile 8, why are you ripping yourself apart to fit into society's pressures and demands? When will you realize that you are beautiful in your own way? I remember when Kendrick Lamar said: "If a flower bloomed in a dark room would you trust it?". Not every flower grows in the sunlight or the spring or the summer. Some grow during the harsh, cold weather of the winters or when everything falls in autumn. You are in competition with no one but yourself and you are not going to win this game if you treat yourself like shit. If you wanna be a winner, then you need to start acting like one vs acting like a sore loser. When things go wrong, you are so unnecessarily rude and hard on yourself. Why is that? Ask yourself these things next time you catch yourself thinking that way. You're not anything of the mean things you say about yourself or what people have said to you. You struggle with your insecurities and cling to what gives you comfort even though you know you want better than this, you want better than what you are currently doing. Why do you stick to the same routine everyday even though you know you want change? Sometimes you have to be uncomfortable so you can be comfortable. You may compare your beauty to other people but you need to realize no one is perfect. You are human, as the song goes. A human with "flaws, veins, scars". Embrace your imperfections. You don't want to look back at your past and regret you never took action on anything because you weren't "pretty" enough. Look past your appearance and look inside. (Life Goes On by BTS) What are you are clinging to, pile 8? Are you holding onto something? You're holding sanding at this point and it's slipping through your fingers, you are stuck in this hour glass, wishing to be released. Time keeps ticking and life passes you by. Break free from the perceptions of time and start living your life to the fullest without limitations, doubts, and fears. Life has its up and downs but you have to learn to find hope in dark times. Seek help from your shadow self or the universe when you are in need of faith. Trust the divine that things will always work out for you, no matter what.

Pile 9:

Let It Out by Rico Nasty

UCKERS by Shygirl

Ghetto Gatsby by Brent Faiyaz ft. Alicia Keys

Two of Love, Three of Air, & Eight of Water

(Clairifed by Ace of Air)

Time to end it with a bang 🤬🥊💥! Did you just go through a break up, pile 9? Whether it was with a friend or partner. You are internalizing a lot that happened from this relationship, honestly, you interalize everything. Your shadow self wants you to let out whatever you're feeling. Scream, shout, yell, etc. It is time to stop turning the other cheek and speak up. You also need to confront something or someone who hurt you. (Clarifying song: Fingers by Zayn & Roman's Revenge by Nicki Minaj ft. Eminem) Ugh this person is so LAMEEE 😒🙄 Once you finally get over this connection, they will want to come back and talk to you about what happened. You or this person could have been writing text messages but never sending them. This conversation will be your chance to gain clarity and communicate about how you felt in your relationship. This will help you move on and also allow you to learn to stand up for yourself.

[gem-de-lune]

HOW RIIZE FEEL ABOUT OT6 VS OT7 BRIIZE

Tarot Reading

Disclaimers: I am pretty confident in my readings, but I am not God- so please take everything with a grain of salt :)

Tarot Deck Used: Book of Shadows Vol 2.

(Btw in case anyone is wondering why I be using tf out of this deck for these Riize readings, it is partly bc the vibes are right and partly bc I just so happen to have pics of every card in this deck that way I can provide them for your viewing experience bc I am too lazy/busy to take pics of my other decks rn)

TW// THE ROACHES GO FIRST

OT6 🤢🤮🤡��👹

General Feelings-

Strength, Queen of Swords, 3 of Pentacles

They are being very mature about how they feel. Idk if it's because they are idols, but they seem to have a sympathetic understanding as a collective. They see the OT6 as people supporting them together fighting for their own truth. They understand that regardless of the situation, these "fans" were with them for a long time (It physically pains me to say this personally, but i get it ig 🙄). But they also think the fans themselves have words that have cut like a knife and a lack of empathy/understanding themselves. This is a bit frustrating to them.

Further Clarification -

4 of Chalices, The Tower, The Fool

They really do not agree with their behavior. They are actively ignoring these fans and not receiving their feelings. They feel as though these feelings have proved to be damaging and extremely unnecessary. They also don't feel good about acting like it didn't happen, but they obviously cannot address it publicly due to backlash.

The consensus here is that their feelings are being stifled. I thought it felt really really strange that the cards came out in the order they did at first. And I think it's because they really have been trained interpersonally to not take negative things fans say and do too personally and to always empathize. They are able to empathize, but they are also not happy about it. So the most they can do is ignore OT6 and their feelings.

What does this mean for the relationship between OT6 Briize and Riize?

The Moon

This makes the relationship very unclear and uncertain for the future. I do not think Riize trusts them anymore due to this ordeal, and they just feel like it's getting too complicated and too much. But they are also confused and sad about how this all transpired and progressed. As time goes on, they will empathize less and less if things keep going this route. It will be harder to be outwardly understanding.

OT7😛😘💁‍♀️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🫦

First and foremost- this is so so cute. If you were concerned about how they felt about OT6 before because of the empathy, you need not worry.

General Feelings-

9 of Wands + The Lovers + Knight of Swords

Idk yall I think they are in love with us 😝🥹❤️‍🔥

The words "you light a fire in me" popped out (crazy ik). They see us as ressilient and standing our ground. I think because they have clearly witnessed how serious we are about this issue and how persisyent we have been, how much we care and our determination to continue. They think we are pretty cool for this, and they love and respect this.

The Knight of Swords in particular shows they think we are hardworking and they are willing to take a risk to stand with us (the Lovers) and build a future together. There is just a lot of passionate respect and adoration/admiration in these 3 cards together.

Further Clarification (not really necessary, but i did it for OT6 goblins so I'll do it here too)

Strength + Knave of Swords

Crazy yall, they said "Briize will make Riize rize" 😭😭😭😭😭 they think we are so strong and so amazing. On an fundemental level they share OT7's sentiments and opinions on the matter at hand.

Similar to OT6 they see us as defenders of our own truth. But the difference here is that instead of the 4 of Chalices energy in relation to this empathy (ignoring, not accepting) we have the Knave of Swords, which means they think we are more ethical and pragmatic (smarter) and take a lot more into consideration.

Overall, they really really respect and love OT7 fans.

What does this mean for the relationship between Riize and OT7 fans?

4 of Swords

Just honestly an extremely satisfying and rejuvitating/healing relationship dynamic. In contrast with OT6, they really trust OT7 and have a mutual understanding, support, and rapport with each other. I actually was not sure abt this card at first bc it popped out before i even asked the question- but Universe confirmed by popping her out once again to let me know they were frfr.

Riize sees OT7 as their safe place, where they can relax and be themselves without worries or stress. They want OT7 to also not worry or stress. They want to be that comfort and escape for each other.

Final Notes:

So I think it is important to know that Riize are being as mature about the situation in regards to having so many OT6 stans as they can. But this doesn't mean they support them- more like they understand they are just afting on their feelings. They find this daunting and don't agree, so they avoid confronting the fact and withdrawing.

With OT7 they are extremely comfortable, and there's a stark contrast in comparison. Almost completely opposite- the only similarity is that they also understand OT7's feelings, but they feel like OT7 is simply right and their actions and plans are proper and just. So they just respect and love us a lot more (Hehehehe).

They are really nice boys, OT6 should be grateful they are so kind to just ignore their antics....bc they shouldn't be imo.

I hope this was insightful!

Also, just in case you forgot:

RIIZE IS 7!!

They are on our side. Do not give up. Do not lose hope. Do not be deterred. GO!

[eshithepetty]

Vote mob in the @autismswagsummit and support this emotionally repressed, academically challenged and terrifyingly powerful autistic 14 yo and his gaggle of overenthusiastic friends today..!!! (Or. Today as in when the voting starts again ig)

[ID: three drawings of Mob from Mob Psycho 100 interacting with one character in each concerning the autism swag summit.

The first one is a comic of him and Ritsu. In the first panel, Ritsu is clutching his phone so tight it's shaking, the screen showing the result of the Donnie vs Kris poll wherein Donnie had won. The background is a purple gradient, and he says "no..." The next panel, the background a darker purple with wavy swirls, shows Ritsu hunched over, hair falling over his shadowed eyes, teeth grit as he continues "no- this can't be...! I won't allow it, no, no-". He gets interrupted with "Ritsu, are you alright-" and the final panel brightens to a pastel peach, Ritsu looking back, distraught, at Mob, yelling "YOU'RE GONNA LOSE AT AUTISM NII-SAN". Mob, who is simply standing there, in his gym shorts and a half tucked in pink shirt, holding a glass of milk, replies "h?"

The second image is one done in red and green tones, of Dimple and Mob. Mob sits at his desk with a tired expression, one hand curled to his temple as he does his homework, Dimple hovering over him with his fists balled, as he says, "Do you want me to go beat that guy up?". Mob replies, "No, Dimple." Dimple continues, "I follow you 24/7 so I know more than anyone how much you should win this." Mob replies, "That's creepy. Just help me with my maths homework, Dimple."

The third is of Reigen and Mob. Mob has a finger raised, his aura coating his hand, as he looks back tiredly at Reigen, who has one hand on his hip and the other on Mob's shoulder, smiling cockily and sweating slightly. The background a simple light yellow, the both of them colored in pastel pinks and illuminated by a teal light that comes from Mob's power. Reigen says, "It's okay, Mob, no matter what, you're still my #1 autism." Though the annotation beneath his words, pointing to him, clarifies, "has no idea what's going on." End ID.]

[celestialtarot11]

The Empress vs. The High Priestess 🦋🔮🧡

Hi friends! Here’s an in depth look of The Empress vs The High Priestess. Hope ya’ll enjoy and feel free to like, comment and reblog! 💗🤍

The Empress 🦋🌷- All the Queens combined create The Empress. The Queen of Wands, Swords, Cups, and Pentacles. She creates balance within all areas of herself, and lives in a state of abundance and peace. She moves with wealth, health and grace. Prioritizing herself is important now. Ruled by the number 3, she is in a state of creation, and can create anything from the void state she works with. A true siren, she attracts all she desires. The Empress is known for her beauty, her appearance is maintained, classy, elegant and beautiful. The wealth she accumulated inwardly is expressed outwardly. Her body expresses what she gives to herself. She is financially secure and comfortable. Ruled by venus, she is archetype of love, beauty, and the universal energies. The earth mother. She deals with the material, physical realm of life.

The High Priestess 🔮🌟- The High Priestess does not have all of the Queens combined, but is ruled by The Moon. She is the archetype of the subconscious, the unknown, otherworldly dimensions. She brings light to what we hide and repress. Represents dreams and messages that come through from them. The High Priestess can indicate hidden secrets as well, since it’s related to the moon. Her glow comes from the shadow work she does, not necessarily material abundance. She harbors knowledge from the deepest parts of herself, the parts that were ashamed, repressed, hidden and out casted. The high priestess also has the ability to alchemize her deepest wounds. Whilst both The Empress and High Priestess have void states, the High Priestess does not necessarily create external abundance. Her abundance is her inner peace. It’s her mind 🦋🤗 She is ruled by the number 22, connecting to the highest spiritual plane in existence.

Thank ya’ll so much for reading! 🤗🤍🌟 I appreciate any support.

Paid Readings 💘🤍

Distance Energy Healing 🌟💘

[ohanthonytomallamadingdong]

OOOOOHHHHH MY GOODNESS OMG OH MY LORD IN HEAVEN MY GOD ALMIGHTY I NEED HELP I HAVE I MEAN I CANT I MEAN WHATTT IS HAPPENJNG EVERYTHING IS OCCURRING WHT THE FKKKKK HOLY GUACAMOLE HOLY SHIIIIIIITTTTT

ok so now that that’s out of the way: thoughts on Queen of Shadows through chap 65

- Lorcan: “All those years we worked together, killed men and bedded females together?” ???????? together??????? bed- together?????

- on that same note— confirmed bisexual Lysandra AND Aedion!!!!!!!! my loves

- ((a continuation of my fav characters always either giving hella bi vibes or being canonically bi))

- they’re gonna end up together and be the “bi woman who prefers women and bi man who prefers men end up together to everyone’s confusion including their own”

- SHAPESHIFTER LYSANDRA

- knew there was no was she was a basic bitch human

- no hate to my basic bitch human Nesryn Faliq *kisses her on the head and tucks her in*

- Chaol FINALLY realizing Aelin was kinda right but JUST WHEN we as readers realize DORIAN IS STILL THERE!!!!! HES THERE I PROMISE WAIT GIVE HIM A MINUTE PLEASE

- Manon’s eyes

- they have Power

- Manon and Dorian have a lil smth smth but i can’t tell if it’s just bc these two seem to have a lil smth smth w everyone or bc they actually have a lil smth smth

- the entire bit w Dorian and Manon and then the 13 vs the Squad and then Rowan saving Aelin but getting hit and then Aelin and Manon’s fight and then Aelin saving Manon and ASTERIN’S SCREAM

- i am— ded

- ASTERIN

- ASTERIN PLZ

- no but fr that line about Asterin’s heart and her wildness being born of despair so deep actually is living rent free i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it

- and Manon FINALLY having that come to Jesus moment where she realizes she has to Do Something about her grandmother and it being bc of Asterin is something that can be so personal

- Aelin saving Manon bc of Asterin’s scream and how she couldn’t bear to take someone away who was cared for that deeply hits so hard like I’m getting the same feelings from Aelin lately that i got when reading The Assassin’s Blade

- Aelin being dark and broody and mean and cold when she needs to but despite that always always ALWAYS being kind and warm and supportive and HUMAN, freeing slaves and comforting children like Evangeline and saving Lysandra (both from imprisonment and from Clarisse) and telling Chaol she’s sorry and he deserves to be happy

- speaking of Evangeline I’m OBSESSED w how Aelin was like “go forth young hellion and bother Aedion and Rowan, two very large, very powerful, very scary fae warriors, with your eleven-year-old sass” and Evangeline DID SO HAPPILY

- Rowan picking up Evangeline and comforting her and Evangeline immediately turning into him for comfort despite his intimidating presence

- like that’s their CHILD

- by “their” i mean everyone

- Evangeline has four parents thx

- Lysandra’s reaction to being freed of her debts!!! her relationship w Aelin is so *chef’s kiss* i LOVE GENUINE SUPPORTIVE BEAUTIFUL FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS YAAAAAASSSS

- two queens getting together and discussing how to maximize their joint slay INDEED

- please get Manon in there i BEG

- anyway onto other Very Important Things:

- THE GOLD NIGHTGOWN I- WHAT- WHAIFIW I CANT HELP /&/&; PLEASE OMG—- I NEE I MEAN WHAT!????!!??!?

- AND THEN THEY JUST *light peck* *goes to sleep* WASAASATTR???? *SHAKING THE BARS OF MY CAGE* SARAH J MAAS I HAVR BONE TO PIK W YUO

- on a calmer more sane note i love the way Aelin and Rowan’s relationship is being built up

- like it’s not them denying denying denying and pushing it all down only to explode in a fiery mess of passion all at once

- instead they’re going into all this very deliberately and softly

- they’re so open and connected that they’re able to communicate that they want each other but also recognize when it’s the right time to move forward and they don’t let it overwhelm them because they’re so secure in each other they KNOW they’ll still be there for each other in another hour another day another week another year so there’s no need to rush other than the imminent danger they’re facing but they’re going slow so each next step is a promise that they WILL SURVIVE because they HAVE TO because they WILL TAKE THAT NEXT STEP

- anyway yeah i have Feelings

[corviiids]

i know you just said you don't want to talk about this buuuuut: wondering what you think about takuto maruki in light (🥁) of your thing for the light yagami archetype. i know goro akechi is supposed to be the light yagami expy in persona 5 (🤪), but i think light and maruki might have a lot more in common -- and more interesting differences between them, too.

i think you make a great point! i love maruki this is a surprise to no one i love a good martyr complex i really do. im putting this under the cut again i seriously can talk forever abouot just like.. fucking anything

honestly i think people tend to impute a lot more sinister-ness to maruki's personality and intentions than i personally find fair? like don't get me wrong, his plan is plenty sinister. his character is plenty sinister. the sheer uncanniness of the So Happy World in third semester is really pretty disturbing and in itself. very sinister. but i do see people characterise maruki as, like, secretly a dark person with dark desires and intentions (with some variation as to whether he's aware of them or not). and like, look that's fair enough, i don't want to say that's an unfounded interpretation because i think there's plenty to support it + people can do whatever they want forever and if that's what they enjoy in a character then hell yeah, so, you know

for me personally though i do think the naivety and the absolute purity of intention in creating a perfect world and not realising how fucked up and unrealistic it gets is what makes maruki so compelling and tragic as a character. even at his most mad-scientist-shadow-self, i don't read him as being driven or even really dramatically distorted by a power trip (there's a difference between him and light, who does get visibly distorted quite fast). maruki obviously does kind of get a bit of a trip in that sense but i think it's less of a driving force for his actions. i honestly think that, like... light's a guy who starts out with this combination of pure ideology and denial who spirals when he falls victim to his own ego and his own eagerness + desperation to find something meaningful and challenging to do with his life. vs maruki is a guy who is just really fundamentally tortured by how much he cares about people and would leave by the wayside any ethical or moral concern in order to achieve that ultimate goal of lessening people's pain. light's got a cocktail of bullshit going on but i really truly think maruki's sin is that he's too kind and cares too much and the danger that eventuates is almost a cautionary tale on the consequence of too much compassion, too much kindness, too much pain felt at others' pain without considering the more complex factors of life (eg that some measure of hardship is necessary to live and thrive)

so i kind of think, like, light and maruki are two characters who start from similar but different locations, take kind of different paths, but... well, not end up in the same place, but both end up very flavoured by this grand sense of martyrdom and self-sacrifice for a greater good where they both really relish in their own suffering because it makes them Good and/or Great. super compelling. great flavour. i really like that a lot.

akechi on the other hand has superficially a lot in common with light but ideologically is so different it's almost funny

[deusvervewrites]

Apprentices:

Now that 1-A’s apprentices and the skills they’ve learned from them are solidified, how does the Sports Festival go?

Also, does Izuku have Full Cowling by then? Because I remember it being mentioned that All Might called in Torino, but I’m not sure it was ever stated when.

Hilariously I was planning on answering this in a reblog of your previous ask on this topic now that I'd established this, but your ask beat me to it.

It was not established when All Might called in Gran, but because of Thirteen mentoring Uraraka, it would've been something he thought to do soon. Though, given how early the USJ is, I think that happens first and inspires him to call Gran faster.

So in the two weeks between the USJ and the Sports Festival, Gran teaches Midoriya Full Cowling, and since there isn't a Noumu attack and Stain fight to end that mentorship early, Gran can take his time getting Midoriya better trained for combat as well. Midoriya's a quick learner, but it won't quite close that gap when most of the class has had more time to train.

Sports Festival:

For the event itself, Sato, Sero, Asui, Uraraka and Ashido would've done better at the actual race part, but Midoriya still wins with Full Cowling and the mine trick.

The Cavalry Battle is a 1-A sweep; it'll be much closer in their second year but right now 1-B can't keep up. And Shinsou's trick won't work on people who have better situational awareness and are tracking Quirk use.

Interestingly, I think that because Uraraka and Iida don't know Midoriya as well, their roles in this round reverse--Iida is on Midoriya's team while Uraraka isn't. Midoriya also picks up Hatsume and, to supplement her, Jiro. (Hatsume as Power Loader's apprentice? Perhaps?)

Uraraka's team is headed by Hagakure, who supports Aoyama and Tokoyami by directing light away from Dark Shadow, and they'd do well.

Uh, Tournament Speedrun.

Iida beats Jiro who lacks her gear, Aoyama beats Tokoyami, Kaminari beats Bakugou, Asui beats out Ojiro in a very tight match, Ashido would beat Midoriya thanks to her more viscous acids, Yaoyorozu beats Uraraka but it's close, Todoroki struggles with Hagakure but she lacks the experience to avoid being overwhelmed, and Hatsume outmaneuvers Shoji.

Aoyama's lasers are faster than Iida, Asui isn't faster than Kaminari's electric whips, Ashido is too fast for Yaoyorozu to think of a plan, and Todoroki beats Hatsume.

Aoyama's attacks are faster than Kaminari's electricity. Ashido's acid is very effective against Todoroki's ice and he won't use his fire.

So, uh, strange final match of Ashido vs Aoyama. As a brawler, Ashido has a better chance at withstanding Aoyama's attacks than his largely ranged opponents up until now, so I think she takes it.

What a weird fucking tournament.

Oh, don't worry that Hatsume did better than Midoriya; her first matchup was very favorable to her while Midoriya's was not so he's not in any trouble. His mental health on the other hand might take another hit from losing in the first round. Sure he's a finalist but when did facts matter to the brain?

[yourqueenb]

As a continuation of this ask that I responded to, all the things I mentioned are just parts of the overall issue I have with Blades…. which is that, in the grand scheme of things, I feel like MC is simply a plot device for the other characters rather than a fully developed character who has a fully developed and satisfying arc herself. It’s clear that Nia’s is the story the writers really wanted to tell considering how intertwined her characterization/development and the overall world building are. They basically even admitted as much.

So my question is why not just make her the MC if that’s really what you wanted on the not so down low? They still could’ve incorporated the skill mechanic. Why create a whole player character just to have us running to solve everyone else’s problems/support them while acting like everything that happens to us exists inside of a vacuum in the meantime? So far, all we’ve really been doing in this book is reporting where the group needs to go, telling them what to do, having heart to hearts with them when they need help moving to the next stage of their development, and then being spoonfed information through the lore tablets, which are apparently more for the players’ benefit than MC’s since they barely affect how we respond in game anyway. I’m fine with being the leader or the glue that holds everyone together, but to me it’s unsatisfying that that’s all we are as the main character.

We somehow become more competent due to the skill mechanic but no less clueless at the same time. We have all this terrible shit happen to us, but are only offered a few lines’ description of how that’s affected us. And then the rest of the attention goes to setting up the light vs. shadow conflict and our friends, who get to have personal and compelling conflicts of their own. I mean I feel like MC is more of an emotional support animal to them than an actual person with dreams, feelings, and a (minimal) background. Imo the only character who’s getting shafted almost as much as us is Imtura.

And all of this might make it sound like I hate Blades, but it’s quite the contrary actually. It’s still one of my favorite series and has a lot of fun moments and lovable characters. But I think at this point, its flaws have become too large for me to ignore. So that’s still affecting my enjoyment a bit and probably the reason why I’m so upset with how certain things are being handled. Of course I’m aware that Blades isn’t the only book that has some of these issues though. I think it’s just a little more disappointing because I expected more

[butterflydm]

2x8 - some thoughts this morning (mostly about rand)

The contrast for Rand between this and last season's finales.

Facing Ishamael alone in the dark vs alongside his friends in the light.

Going off by himself after the confrontation (with no one in Fal Dara being aware of his actions) vs being heralded by all of Falme.

Moiraine willing to kill him because she doesn't trust him not to fall to the dark vs being willing to do whatever it takes to support him because she does trust him.

And within this episode itself, we have Lanfear telling Rand she's the only one who cares about him (manipulative technique to try to keep Rand emotionally isolated and dependent on Lanfear) vs that beautiful ending of him being supported by all these people who genuinely care about him (and not the guy that he was 3000 years ago).

I loved the placement of where the heron is on Rand's palm. I always thought it was in the middle and it felt kinda awkward to me but it looked really good the way that they did it.

book spoilers through the shadow rising are below

I am sad that the /wot subreddit freaked out over Rand's power progression getting smoothed (just like they did last finale) because they were doing so much better for most of this season. Alas, sigh. /wotshow is somewhat better, at least.

But, yes, about Rand's power progression. One of the big things about book 4 is that Rand is desperate enough to learn the One Power that he is willing to use one of the Forsaken as a teacher. That means that Rand needs to not be a powerhouse badass. The books mostly handled it by powering Rand up at the end of each book and then depowering him back at the start of the next one, but a lot of that was buyer's remorse on Jordan's part, imo, as he realized he'd accidentally made Rand too strong for the next part of the story. If Rand had already had those big power moments from the books, then it would be jarring that Rand is desperate enough to let one of the Forsaken that close to him (especially after everything with Lanfear); this isn't a book so we can't get Rand's internal justifications for the choice. The viewers need to believe that Rand NEEDS Asmodean. We've seen that Rand has raw strength, but his control is shaky and he doesn't have anyone to learn from.

The show turning Rand's growth into something more steady is good, imo. Right now, even as untrained as he is, Rand can run circles around non-channelers without thinking about it (killing Turak and his entire squad), but he's unprepared for facing other channelers because he lacks finesse and control. So... he needs a teacher and Logain didn't work out.

Enter Lanfear's way of contacting Rand while not contacting him. This actually feels like a clever way to handle it -- that Lanfear might use Asmodean as her proxy to stay informed about Rand while covertly helping him out, since she's kinda in time-out right now.

Also -- I've had a thought about the plotline that Ingtar didn't get... what if it goes to someone else? Mostly, I am wondering this because Lanfear specifically said, "Light protect you, Rand al'Thor" at the end of the episode. There are none who walk so long in the dark that they cannot seek the light?

I've also had a thought about Siuan. I know there are a bunch of theories out there that basically boil down to "she wasn't acting the way she really feels in her heart" and most of them don't really do anything for me. I just don't feel like the evidence is there and Siuan's actions are reasoned out and clearly explained in the episode.

...and then we learned in this episode that Ishamael did not want Rand in Falme. Not yet.

So everything that Lanfear did in 2x7 was entirely of her own design. The only thing she did on Ishamael's behalf was deliver Mat to him. But she and Ishamael were not working together to bring Rand to Falme.

So I think that there's real potential that Ishamael has continued screwing with Siuan's dreams this season; because we can reasonably guess that he was the one who gave her the idea of Moiraine taking the Dragon to the Eye of the World, and we've seen both Ishamael and Lanfear playing around in TAR this season, and compared to the tiny bit we got about Compulsion, we have gotten a LOT of exposition about TAR and multiple scenes set there.

Rand believed that Ishamael wanted him in Falme, but he was wrong. Ishamael didn't think he was ready yet.

...but if Rand is locked up in the White Tower for months? Shielded from the One Power and helpless? Completely isolated from anyone he cares about? Maybe then making a deal with the Dark One would start looking a lot more tempting.

And all of sudden... we've got motive (Ishamael wants to break Rand emotionally), means and opportunity (TAR/dreams, which we know he has access to), which were things that were missing from the other theories that I've seen.

Briefly: the 'it was all a ruse by Siuan' theory lacks proper motive imo -- attempting to trick Rand in this way is just as likely to backfire and make him unwilling to ever trust Moiraine again and Moiraine should absolutely know that by now; and the 'Siuan is under compulsion' theory lacked proper opportunity because we saw how Siuan brushed Liandrin off in 2x6 and she's been traveling all season so Traveling or Skimming to find her in order to Compel her would be more difficult, for the same reason that Lanfear didn't Travel when she was trying to chase Rand in 2x5.

I am also thinking about how the various changes that the show made will affect some storylines in the future. Renna, Seta, and Suroth's early deaths definitely impact a storyline later on and I definitely want to unpack that at some point (did Suroth die? I will double-check when I do my rewatch).

I really want to talk about how much I deeply loved the choices they made with Mat's storyline but I think I want to do my rewatch first, because I'm pretty sure my brain blanked out for parts of it because I was so happy. Everything about Mat in this episode was just so beautiful.

But there has been so much Mat foreshadowing for Rhuidean and certain other future things that I do find it confusing when people say that the show is going to skip those things for him. Maybe the fact that Ishamael's 'past lives tea' was confirmed to be a lie will make some of those people think twice about their assumptions?

Oh! The glorious contrast of Ishamael, LTT's BFF in his past life, being the "betrayer of hope" and then Perrin giving Mat the Horn and telling him to take it to Rand, saying, "you're his only hope". That's so good, that's so tasty, I can't wait to dive into the Ishy-Mat compare-contrast.

I plan to write up a post about my thoughts about where we might go in s3, and I'll post that next week sometime. This weekend is for my rewatch and my deep dive, and I'm really looking forward to it. So much happened in the episode that I know there's a lot that I missed talking about last night.

[veryace-ficrecs]

Psych (2006) Fic Recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

Shawn And The Real(er) Psychics Of Santa Barbra by Beaconbaconbison - Rated G

Shawn isn't a psychic. He's just some guy who got struck by lighting and woke up having visions about things he couldn't possibly know. That seems on par with the rest of his life. Right? He really. Really. Really isn't psychic. Even if these visions are helping solve a murder. He's just very observant. That's all.

Gus Knows Shawn Knows That He's Telling The Truth by ObsidianCreates - Rated T

"Really?" Shawn looks at Gus, completely unamused. "The websites say they work." "Crystals." Shawn gestures at his desk. "You have covered my entire workspace with crystals. This is getting sad, man." When Gus asks Shawn how his memory actually works, the answer causes both of them to stumble into a huge realization. It will be used irresponsibly, of course.

Sounds Getting Softer by Corilyn_Winchester - Rated T

When Shawn Spencer was 15 his ears buzzed at night when it was quiet. When Shawn Spencer was 19 he was diagnosed with idiopathic hearing loss. When Shawn Spencer was 23 he got his first set of hearing aids. This story follows the life of Shawn Spencer, a Shawn Spencer who is slowly lossing his hearing due to unknown reasons.

as inexhaustible and unpredictable as real human beings by Princex_N - Rated G

Sometimes people don't always quite believe that Shawn is autistic. Sometimes they laugh like they're waiting for the punchline, or try to convince him that he's mistaken, or try to guess if he's testing the waters for Gus, or get angry like he's trying to lie. Shawn considers the varying reactions he gets when he tells people he's autistic.

Shawn Spencer is Nobody's Agatha by huckleberryzenon - Rated G

Oneshot set after "Psy vs. Psy." After the disaster that is Lindsay Leiken, the FBI decides it's time to begin psychological evaluations of all the psychics who consult with law enforcement, starting with one Shawn Spencer. Shawn's confident he'll pass with flying colors, but what if the danger isn't in getting found out, but the person administering the test?

Succulent Crab Cakes by PapayaK - Rated T

Gus knew his best friend's greatest fear: Shawn's mind was his super-power. He feared losing that power more than he feared death. Confusion was Shawn's kryptonite and he was staring it in the face. Poisoned by a neurotoxin, Shawn must fight the effects long enough to solve the case and save the day. Shawn whump, with lots of friendship and family thrown in. Rated T just in case.

same eyes as your father by ace8013, flashsideways - Rated T

“Hi, Dad,” Shawn said. Henry, taken aback, said, “Shawn.” Shawn’s always been tall but he was broad, now, hair cropped close on the sides and messy on top. His jaw had an edge to it now, he had a slight five o’clock shadow, and he just looked more like—more like himself. or Twenty-five years after his son comes out, Henry Spencer goes to a support group for parents of transgender children. Because they didn’t have this shit back in his day.

as you cut everything to size by flashsideways - Rated T

Shawn Spencer arrives in Santa Barbara on a nine-year-old motorcycle, in four-day old clothes, and with a bottle of painkillers in his backpack. He cracks his knuckles and asks, “Where’s the fire?” or, Shawn Spencer has bad joints. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

Too Many Hats, AKA: How Shawn Spencer Became a For Realsies Psychic by WalkerInTheMoonlight - Not Rated

Shawn Spencer was always aware of how many hats were in a room, whether he wanted to be or not. He didn't think anything of it until The Hat Convention incident that changed everything. Or: Shawn becomes psychic because he needs to count the hats.