#Superjerk

[keycomicbooks]

Superman #14 (2024) #JoshuaWilliamson Words, #RafaSandoval Pictures #Superjerk

Superman #14 (2024) #JoshuaWilliamson Words, #RafaSandoval Pictures #Superjerk

[jimmyflemion]

Superjerk, Superstar, Supertears - Jimmy Flemion

[evilhorse]

Superjerk delivery!

(Superman #14)

[1mpulsee]

❝ HEY - get your hands off of me, superJERK !! ❞

" well now i'm gonna HAVE to kill you myself, come here- "

[cgbcomics]

[howtohero]

#266 Controlling Your Fall

Phwoof what a day! You’re tumbling through the skies, the wind blowing through your hair, plummeting to your death. Somehow, either by luck or design, you’ve got this guide with you (Maybe it was in your pocket and you managed to pull it out, scan the table of contents, and flip to this page. Maybe someone else in the plane had it and it fell out with you and it just coincidentally opened up to this entry. It doesn’t matter!) so don’t worry, you’re going to be fine! (And if not, take solace in the fact that we’re going to be fine. Because our life forces are not bound to this guide and we exist separately from it.) People survive massive drops like this all the time. Sure, it’s not great that the plane or dirigible or hot air balloon or giant eagle you were flying exploded or unexpectedly dipped or got hijacked by sky-pirates who made you walk the plane, but by no means does it have to be fatal. All you need to do is learn how to make the most of this fall.

Now, depending on how high up you were when you began this one way journey towards the rapidly approaching ground, you don’t have a lot of time before we’re giving advice to a stain on the ground so we’ll try to make this quick. (That was a very long preamble {stop making unnecessary comments we are pressed for time!} If you were sooo worried about time you should’ve used a contraction there ya nerd.) First things first, are you wearing a parachute? If you are then you’re good to go and now would be a great time to open it up. If you’re not, for shame. You really should always be wearing a parachute. Superheroes live dangerous and thrilling lives. You never know when you’re going to be plummeting to your death. If you’re very small, like if you’re a shrinker or one of those new tehcnopunk hobbit superheroes that have started cropping up, you can try using the pages of this book as a parachute. That might work. (If you are using the digital version of this guide, which, I should point out, is the only version of this guide that exists at the moment, you cannot use it as a parachute unless a wireless printer is also falling alongside you.) If you don’t have a parachute, try sprouting wings from your back and simply flying to safety. Now, if you’re thinking, “this guide is a waste of my time, I can’t just sprout wings out of my back!” then I say, have you ever tried? While doing research for this post, we went around and interview people with wings and like 15% of them said that they first discovered their wings while plummeting to what they thought was going to be their death. (The majority of the people we interviewed were bird-people from Nimbus City and that was a genetic thing.) 

Alternatively, as with all things, it’s always best to be prepared. If you take a few rudimentary, relatively simple precautions before you find yourself hurtling towards your death, you can ensure that you come out of any crash landing alive and well. We’ve already mentioned wearing a parachute at all times, but a jetpack or rocket boots would work just the same. As would keeping your jetpack choir close by at all times. A good trick you can use is training some type of flock or swarm of flying creatures to surround you at a moment’s notice and carry you to safety. Now, don’t take my vague language to mean that just any flying animal will work for this. Bats, for example, can only operate at night, and you might fall out of a helicopter during the day. (Stranger things have happened; once I woke up and my toes were celery. {What.}) Birds, of all species, are out too. You just can’t trust birds. They’ll probably steal your wallet or peck your eyes out. (What? What’s the problem. {You know you don’t have to comment on everything right? Some things you can let pass by.} I’m gonna let my fist pass by into your face.) Most flying mythical creatures know they’re too good to be doing menials tasks for you. So your best bet with this is really just training a bunch of flies (every two-three days to keep pace with the lifespan of the average housefly) to fly to your rescue anywhere in the world at a moment’s notice.

If you don’t have a parachute and you don’t have wings and you can’t call a swarm of gross flies to help you out then you need to focus on landing correctly. Sure, I can tell you all about tucking and rolling so you don’t break your legs. Or I can emphatically warn you not to land anywhere face first. (You will snap your neck and lose all your teeth and then nobody’s gonna want to hang out with you.) But I’m sure you already know all that. That’s just common sense. Instead I’ll tech you how to use quick thinking and a willingness to think outside of the box to survive this predicament. The key, the number one guaranteed trick, to surviving a fall, and this is from any height by the way- You could jump from the moon and this would work- (that’s true) is to aim for the nearest bounce house. According to a survey that we just conducted, there are approximately 13 billion bounce houses inflated in the contiguous US at any and all times. (We’re still waiting for the data from Alaska, Hawaii, and the US territories.) All you need to do is find them, and position yourself so that you land on one of them. Luckily for you you’re starting off with a pretty high vantage point, so you should have no trouble locating the closest bounce house. To move while in the air I recommend flailing your arms about randomly and frantically. This will catch the attention of wind spirits or perhaps the Cloud Hoppers who will help guide you towards your destination. 

One of the most crucial things to remember as you pull off the perfect, death-defying landing, is to look cool while you do it. Remember, you’re a superhero, an oftentimes controversial public figure. You don’t want headlines the next day to read “Superjerk Ruins Orphan’s Birthday Party by Destroying Bounce House That Had Orphans In It.” So make sure to shout something when you get close to landing, so people know to vacate the premises. But don’t just scream like a baby, shout something cool like “Look out below!” or “Just thought I’d drop in!” or “This is your friendly neighborhood superhero, requesting permission for an emergency landing.” If they grant you permission, they can’t get mad at you later. Also, think about how you’re going to pose when you land. Since you’re landing in an inflatable bouncy house you can really do anything without having to worry about shattering any of your surprisingly brittle bones. (Once I woke up and my bones had been replaced by actual peanut brittle. {Again with the- did you upset a witch chef or something?} I can’t imagine how you could possibly think that that’s any of your business.) You can do the classic three-point superhero landing. You can put your hands behind your bed and cross your feet as if you’re just lounging about. You could do a backflip. The world is your oyster! Then all the headlines will read “Superjerk Makes Incredible Surprise Appearance at Orphan’s Birthday Party: Orphan Quoted As Saying ‘God That Guy is Cool I Wish He Was My Dad.’”

Nobody wants to fall from the sky, but that’s just life sometimes. As a superhero your likely to be wrestled out of an airplane, lose your powers mid-flight, get shot out of the sky for violating somebody’s airspace, crash into an invisible sky-city, or fall asleep while flying and start falling to your death. What you do next is up to you, but your situation is incredibly survivable as long as you take the proper precautions, or follow our certified and smart (and good) tips! 

[pixlokita]

Batman: -Adopts, nurtures, loves and protects any child that comes his way-

Superman: -sees a child clone of himself that looks up to him and needs guidance-

Superman:

[vegascardude-blog]

Lol #superjerk #collegehumor #batman #versus #superman #dc #dccomics

[drastrochris]

Is it mean to hope that Bizarro kills all these knock-off superjerks?

[aethtalon]

I have ended up reading a bunch of fanfiction that crosses over with Miraculous Ladybug lately. I don’t watch the show so these crossovers heavily inform my understanding of the original plot. And several of them have brought up how frequently members of the MC's class get akumatized.

And, like. I have to wonder. Does Hawkmoth realize how frequently his son's classmates end up on the other side of the butterfly? Does it bother him at all? Like, not even in the feeling guilty way, but more like "Wow, my son's classmates are frequently the most upset people in Paris, should I be worried about the environment he's in?" Or "wow, these teens sure are upset alot, maybe I should use my money to make the school better or something." Or literally anything in that direction of thought.

My understanding is that in the show he's depicted as superjerk who doesn't care who gets in the way of his obsession, but. I think it'd be hilarious to see an AU of "Hawkmoth's not that bad a guy actually, but he has no clue of how to actually work with a Miraculous and he's kind of really grateful that Ladybug keeps undoing the damage and also he "adopts" the class cause he is *concerned* about these *children*" Hapless Dadmoth

[starcityhq]

WHAT: The whole city is watching the following live feed of Joker and Superman. As the choice is put to Clark, he hesitates, and Joker shows Clark just how serious he is.

WHO: Superman & Joker

WHEN: January 31st, 2021

SUPERMAN: It had been nearly a year and a half since he'd left Metropolis behind and relocated to Star City, simultaneously shedding his acceptance and cooperation with the hero ban in order to wear the cape again. He'd made that first appearance in a big way, but after years of Superman being off the map, acceptance of his return wasn't granted automatically. Long weeks had passed before he got even a trickle of what he'd once known in Metropolis - people calling out to him, asking him for help because they knew that he would come. It built from there. For every cry for help he answered, for every appearance he made doing his own work or the League's, more came. Now he was back to listening constantly and sometimes having to make the choice of what he could respond to and what had to go to someone else.

So it wasn't strange when a sharp, panicked voice cut through the noise just the night after Lois, Kara, and the others had left the city. If anything, he welcomed the distraction. Without them around, he had nothing to focus on but work. Within seconds, he'd gone out the window of his apartment in a streak of blue and red. The voice, a young woman by the sound of it, seemed to be retreating out of the city. The closer he got, the further it seemed, and soon he'd left Star City behind altogether. Some kind of kidnapping. That had to be it. As long as he could still hear her, he could reach her.

On he went until most signs of civilization had dropped away on either side of him. There was still a road, the voice, and power lines, though. It turned out that he was following all three. When he finally reached what seemed to be the place he was searching for, it led him to a warehouse situated by itself. Trucks were parked outside, though he couldn't see anyone moving among them, and a glance through what walls he could see through yielded nearly nothing.

"Help me, Superman!"

He broke the lock on a loading dock door in order to get inside and continue his pursuit.

JOKER: It was all in place. Today, the curtain rose and the show would go on and Joker was elated. He'd get his little peanut back, he would teach Superjerk a lesson and deal with Batman's continual distraction all in one fell swoop. It was time, after the puppet show, to do something that really put him back on the map. After all, he was tired of NOVA stealing the regard and attention that was rightfully his. Plus, he was beginning to think that people underestimated him and he wasn't having it. Why should he? He'd simply make them all see what a mistake that was.

Luring out Superman was a simple task. These noble types were always trying to save someone. And so Joker had given him someone to save. Of course, there would be no one in the warehouse but he and Superman. He and Clark Kent.

The moment he breached the dock, Joker sat at the control panel. Flicking a switch, he brought the live broadcast that was currently playing all over the city away from his prerecorded message and onto the man himself. Another button on his controls and the room that Clark was in, a holding room between the dock and the main building that had been specially rigged for this purpose--he needed to give Chuckie boy a raise--sealed both doors and clicked shut.

"My my, here he is. The man of the hour. You got that cue without me even having to prompt you." Another button and a clear hissing began as a thick green aerosol suddenly filled the room. "And now we can get one with the show, can't we?" Leaning forward to speak into the mic, Joker grinned with a sinister edge as he asked, "Tell me, Superman... what do you fear?" If only Scary were here to play along. He'd have to do him justice.

SUPERMAN: The young woman's voice fell silent as he actually reached the building. He was still scanning the walls, already working through where to search first, when the doors closed audibly behind him. Clark turned, brows furrowed. Getting out of that would be easy enough, but that wasn't the concern. Someone was watching him. Power plant or no, he'd detected no sensors on the door, and the place wasn't sophisticated enough for that.

The voice that answered him just moments later made him set his jaw. "Joker. What-" There was no time to finish the thought. As the gas poured into the room, Clark immediately began to cough. The sensation was nearly instant, and part of it was familiar enough by then that he recognized it. Nothing made him feel the way Kryptonite did, and the realization was like having ice water in his veins. It worked through his body quickly enough to have him doubling over in mere moments. The question went unanswered, though his head was swimming.

JOKER: No response. Not fun. Well, he would show Joker what he feared. The gas would act quickly on him. Now, to start to escalate. The door in front of him opened and he gave a bright grin. “Aaaaand showtime.”

“How will you ever get out, Superman? I guess the only way is forward.”

SUPERMAN: One of the most profound effects of Kryptonite was how heavy it made him feel. The sheer exertion moving his own body was like dragging himself through thick tar. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion, and it was all painfully exhausting.

It didn’t take him long to realize that there was more to it this time. As soon the shadows danced at the edges of the doorway, his mind was already playing tricks on him. Whispers of voices, all familiar, filled his head as he took those first few steps toward the door.

This is all your fault, Clark. It was Lois, Jon, his parents, Kara, Bruce, Diana...so many...all variations on a theme. You did this. He’d just stepped through the door when he spoke aloud, seemingly unaware that he was responding to people not there. “I didn’t mean it!”

JOKER: "Oh dear oh dear," Joker answered. "I'm sure you didn't. Not at all." Joker flipped another switch, grinning as he did so. The lights dropped out into complete blackness before the strobing began--bright, white and oppressive. All the things he needed to watch Clark Kent writhe. "But sometimes good intentions come up short."

In front of Clark, another door opened as Joker watched intently, ensuring that his feeds captured it all.

SUPERMAN: Clark lifted one arm to try to shield his eyes from the light, which had him quickly pressed against one of the walls. It left spots in his eyes, furthering the disorientation that already had him reeling, and the voices grew louder still. He alternated between muttering what sounded like pleas and practically shouting, “I thought it was the right thing! I thought-“ and so it went, until one of the doorways and the pulsing shadows grew and twisted until it looked like a body on the ground. He didn’t recognize it right away.

His Ma’s voice came to him again, disappointed and deafeningly loud in his ears. “You were supposed to help these people, Clark, and all you did was abandon them. You abandoned all of them.”

Another staggering step forward, past the shadow that wasn’t a shadow, finally let him see its face. Lois. Clark stumbled backward, falling the rest of the way through the door.

JOKER: And with Clark in place, Joker couldn't help but laugh over the intercom system as he watched the infallible 'Man of Steel' crumble into a crying little boy. And it had been all too easy. It had just taken a little watching. A little knowing and scheming. Not difficult at all, really. And now they'd see just what the Joker could put on. Funny, he had thought he'd been showing them all along, but apparently they had needed a refresher. So here he was.

When the lights came up, there was a simple set up. Large screen on the far end of the room, and two podiums evenly spaced apart featuring big red buttons. Option A and Option B. Either was sure to make a splash.

"Now that we're all warmed up and our mind is playing fuzzy tricks, how about we play a game, Superman? Whaddya say?" Leaning into the mic, his voice dropped into something dangerous. "Give you a hint: the only answer is yes."

SUPERMAN: Once he’d managed to tear his gaze from the shadowy figure of Lois on the ground, he squinted toward the podiums. He felt sick, like his very bones hurt. It took tremendous effort to pick himself up from the floor and more effort still to try to focus and figure out what was happening. He couldn’t, really.

Clark shook his head and closed his eyes, not wanting to see anything there. It all kept distracting him. Even with his eyes closed, though, there were still voices. “No...games.”

JOKER: "Ahhh, see it wasn't really a choice," Joker said before his grin turned mean. "That's so irritating, isn't it? When someone takes your choices away? When they decide for you?" He watched Clark through the screen he had set up before finally reaching the crux. "I, unlike some people, am a compassionate man. I know how hard it is to be told no even if the thing I want is natural as, say, a father and his daughter. So here's what I'll do for you, buddy. I'm gonna give you a big choice. So pay attention."

"Behind door number one is obvious. Superman is a man of the people, isn't he? So of course we should show him what he loves." Click click and the screen displayed the gathering of people standing in the center of Star City with their faces fixed on the large screen he had erected earlier that day to do the largest part of the broadcast. Every smaller screen connected to the cable he'd hijacked would also be showing his performance, but this one was the most substantial. "Here's Star City, Superman. Would you do anything you could to save it?"

SUPERMAN: As the screen turned on and he saw the small crowd, Clark shot a panicked look back over his shoulder, but the body he’d seen before was gone. Lois wasn’t there. Tricks...just tricks...He shook his head, trying again to force himself to focus, but he could only manage it for seconds at a time. In those few seconds, Joker’s words settled in. Lucy...Lucy, Lucy, this was about Lucy...

He walked sluggishly toward the screen like he meant to reach up and touch it. You were supposed to help these people, Clark. “...Always.”

JOKER: “Yes yes, always. Always the hero, aren’t you Superman?” Superman had a different modus operandi than Batman, and Joker was far more accustomed to the less emotional and more stoic responses he received from Bruce. With Clark, it was all new experience. Still, improv was one of the highest forms of comedy, wasn’t it? He learned on the fly.

“But a choice’s not much of a choice with only one option, right? You see, you have door number one, but what could be behind door number two?“

With that, the screen in front of Superman changed, and before the audience’s very eyes, an image of Harley came up. But not just Harley, because that wouldn’t be much of a reveal, would it? After all, Harley was always with Joker. “I’ve come to learn,” he said, more for the benefit of the onlookers than Clark Kent, “that Superman is really more of a family man than any of us could ever have guessed. So yes, he’ll save the city, but always? I guess we’ll see, because here we have my lovely Harley Quinn with Gazette journalist, Lois Lane, known attachée of Superman himself. Then we have Supergirl. And since this is a family affair we couldn’t leave out the kids. Lois Lane’s son, Jon, and Supergirl’s own little bundle of joy, joining us for her first appearance. As you can see, Harley’s strapped them up with high grade explosives. The button for Choice B will set them off. And Choice A? Choice A will set off a little present delivered by Joker’s hands from NOVA’s hearts: a nuclear bomb that’s been planted right under the city. You can only save one, Superman. The family you have left or the city that depends on you. Choose neither and they both blow.”

He paused, long and dramatic for effect, before leaning into whisper: “So... what’s it gonna be?”

SUPERMAN: Clark had only just really focused his eyes on the screen and the faces of the citizens when it changed. Joker’s words didn’t matter, they didn’t even really fully sink in. As Lois, Jon, Kara, and Eva came into view, he moved forward with heavy, sluggish steps and reached up toward the screen as though it might disappear like a mirage.

The Kryptonite was still in full effect, and whatever else had been in that had his heart and mind already racing. Clark looked back to the open doorway again. The flickering lights made him wince, and the sickening fear and dread he felt quickly conjured up new images with them. Lois, again, with lifeless eyes, holding onto Jon whose face he couldn’t see. A blonde figure with its back to him that could only be Kara was similarly motionless. The darkness that should have been only shadow was blood instead, rapidly spreading across the floor until it was nearly touching his feet.

He left his spot in front of the screen and stumbled back toward the bodies that weren’t really there to kneel by them. His hands caught only air when he reached for them and he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. He’d made so many promises. Protect the city. Protect his family. He’d sworn to Kara not two days before that no one would hurt her, Eva, or any of them. He’d sent them all out of the city to prevent it, even. Sent them to...this. To Joker and Harley.

“You’re not getting away with this,” he said after what felt like ages of kneeling there on the floor, fighting for a brief hold on his own mind again. He glanced around the room for a second door, anything that might lead him somewhere else. If he could just...get back to the city...

JOKER: Joker watched, utterly rapt, as Superman pawed at nothing and--dear God, was he crying? These emotional types. He shook his head, but the words spoken only made him bark out a laugh. "Ha! Oh Supes... I already have gotten away with it. And I think you're aware of it, too. Now, are you going to choose in a timely fashion... or should I start a countdown?"

SUPERMAN: Clark set his jaw, refusing to let himself look at the ground again. Nothing there. Nothing there. But the feed on the screen had been real. His family needed him. The city needed him. “I’m not playing your game, Joker.”

And so he kept telling himself as he moved away from the podiums and the horrible visual of Harley with the people he cared about most. When he found no new door, he threw himself against the wall instead. Again, and again he did it until he felt the ache of it run all down his arms and legs. The Kryptonite had left him weak enough that he couldn’t do more than that. He slammed a fist against it, pointlessly, and clenched his eyes closed again. So many people depending on him. If he stalled...if he stalled, maybe someone would figure it out.

JOKER: "Oh that's a shame. No one likes a spoilsport, Supes. But I'm a man who does love a good twist." The screen split into two, one side showing the city where people looked fearfully to the billboard or incited panic through panic themselves. The other showed Superman's family. Between them, a counter began, starting generously from 100 and counting down.

He seemed a bit too cognitive for Joker's liking. He hadn't been able to test the doses, after all. Fortunately, he had planned for that too.

The door on the far end of the room opened for the space of about two seconds, hidden by Superman beating against the wall. A telltale hiss was the only precedent to another dose of the gas.

"Now that you're good and doped up yet again, Superman, I think we'll try this again," the Joker said, leaning forward. The suspense was killing him. "Either you make a choice for me, or that timer gets to zero and both the city and your beloved Superbrats go Ka-Boom. Even the sweet little baby."

SUPERMAN: Clark looked only briefly at the screen again, long enough to see his son's face and Eva's. He didn't need to look at Lois. He knew the expression she wore. Determined. Probably angry. There was nothing in the world she hated more than feeling helpless, was there? But she wouldn't be able to get them out of this. Joker wasn't the type to hesitate, and if Harley was far gone enough to put even Eva in that room with them, then she was no solace. They'd kept her daughter safe, even if it had been apart from her, and this was the response.

The number started to count down and the first few seconds ticked horribly by before the gas deployed a second time. It was so much worse than the first one. The effect of the Kryptonite was crippling, but that was nothing compared to where his mind went. As Joker spoke, it was like the words willed those things into reality. Clark could hear the explosions and the screams, the dust from fallen buildings that weren't really there was choking. He could hear people calling for him, just like the voice that he'd followed to the power plant. Superman, save us!

But even those desperate cries were nothing to what he saw when he looked at the side of the screen again where his family waited. It was an unspeakable thing, the vision that he had. His heart was beating so loudly in his ears that the sound of it eclipsed everything else, and several precious seconds ticked by as he stood paralyzed by the things that he was seeing that weren't really there. They weren't there, but they would be. They would be if he didn't do something.

JOKER: The longer Superman stalled, the more exciting it caught. "The fear gas makes it hard to think, doesn't it Supes?" he asked gleefully. "But you're strong, aren't you? You'll have to push through it." His Harley girl had. Helped him gauge the dose, too. If she could do it, Superman could do it.

"You're losing time, pal. One or the other. Or both, if you're willing to go for maximum carnage. Never took you for the type but there's surprises everywhere, aren't there?"

SUPERMAN: On the other side of the split screen, he could see people moving away. Running? Running, waiting to be saved...If he didn’t, how many people would die? Clark closed his eyes against the screen, the room, Joker’s disembodied voice, and all he was greeted with was the sound of screaming again. The air felt like it was burning around him, and something (no, someone) clutched at his ankle in a desperate, panicked way.

When he opened his eyes again it was to the red glare of the timer, down to a minute. Eva was crying on the other half of the screen, her tiny face scrunched up and afraid. He could feel bile rise in his throat with a sickening burn. If he let them die- No sooner had it entered his mind than he saw it again, as horrifying as before. Lois said his name before the explosives were triggered, and it rang in his ears. Harley clapped her hands next to them, shrieking with glee.

The room came back into focus again and he found himself clutching the sides of the screen.

JOKER: "Tick tock, tick tock," Joker cut in at Clark's little meltdown. "This is all very touching, Superman, but I don't think you realize how serious I am. How about a little demonstration?"

He had anticipated, after all, that this might happen. That the Man of Steel may be paralyzed by his own fear and what Scary liked to call the Trolley Problem. Joker had thought of that and now he had a way to sweeten the pot. Or sour it. It was all the same to the clown, who simply wanted a bit of fun. Well, Harley would get her fireworks. He had rigged some for this twist, should he need it. "Everybody loves a good plot twist," he said before hitting a button on the control panel which would signal his boys to hit an even larger button within Star City.

Said button was attached to a detonator and that detonator was rigged to a number of fireworks and charges that were connected right to Liberty Bridge. "Watch the birdie, Superman," he said with a laugh as he slammed another button to abruptly change the screen from Star City and Superman's family to the bridge, where hundreds if not thousands of people were currently trying to get out. Silly silly. Didn't they know that Fate had a funny--frankly hilarious way--of getting what she wanted?

"Boom."

[venser]

i lost a game with my superjerks deck but it doesn't even matter bc the turn before i just went OFF with a bunch of my planeswalkers

[artistshadow]

My One Issue With Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice

Okay so I rewatched a scene from Batman v. Superman and it was a scene that made me mad the first time I watched it and it made me mad even now. It’s that part where Superman goes up to Batman and says “Next time they shine your light in the sky, don’t go to it. The Bat is dead. Bury it. Consider this mercy.” Okay first off, who the absolute heck do you think you are coming into a city you ain’t familiar with, you don’t know the setting, you don’t know how things operate, and tell someone who’s actually doing something to protect it that they can’t do it anymore? Take your one size fit all caped self back to Metropolis. This is not your territory, Gotham is not your responsibility, its not your playground, you got your own issues and problems to deal with in your city, let Batman handle his in his city. You might not like his methods, but I’m pretty sure Gotham ain’t complaining. Heck they literally shine a symbol in the sky when they want his help. Do they do that for you? NO. So stay in your lane Superjerk. I mean, if the Bat isn’t going to protect Gotham, who is? The police? That’s hilarious. You? I’m screaming. Super funny. I’m sorry, but you couldn’t handle Gotham’s problems or its villains. I know you have super strength, heat vision, flight, and all that good stuff, but to handle Gotham, you got to have some messed up stuff happen to you. You got to have seen some things. You got to be the light in the dark city but you yourself have to have a little darkness in you. That’s why Batman does what he does. Supe's planet was destroyed and his parents were killed, but he was a baby, he don’t remember that. Try watching your parents get murdered in front of you, having to kneel down in their blood as a guy points a gun at you, and worrying that you might be joining your parents in a few short moments. What started off as a perfect day ended in tragedy that completely destroyed an innocent little boy. Try having to walk past that alley and having to remember what happened, the guy probably had some major PTSD for crying out loud. Try having everyone in Gotham look at you with pity in their eyes for next couple of year’s, to probably referring to you as the orphan, or the poor Wayne Boy, etc. Plus the villains of Gotham aren’t your average criminals. I know Superman’s villains might be more powerful, but Batman’s are more crazy. They are what nightmares are made out of. They are only an example of the darkness that is Gotham, and to take them on, you got to have a little darkness yourself. Superman don’t have that, so he can’t understand truly what it means to take on a Gotham villain, to protect a city like Gotham, to know the full horror that goes on there. Heck, didn’t Poison Ivy literally mind control him in Batman: Hush? So like I said, Superman, stay your butt in Metropolis. He ain’t bothering you, you ain’t bothering him. Plus, earlier in the film you said the police are practically helping him so that should be evidence enough for you that the law in Gotham is okay with Batman so shut up and go. This is why I’m Team Batman and why I was so happy when Batman kryptonited his butt during that fight. I was actually rooting for him to kill Superman, I really was. I wish he hadn’t said Martha. Plus what’s Superman going go do when other vigilante's like Huntress, Batgirl, Batwoman, Batwing, or one of the other fifty(😂) Robins pop up to take his place? You gonna threaten them too? In closing: Superman, don’t be an idiot, and leave Bats alone. And p.s. him not stabbing you with that kryptonite spear? THAT was mercy.

[secondgenerationnerd]

Prompt request if u want to do it: “okay, maybe I WAS dead earlier today, but i'm alive and well now...” (w/ whoever u want!)

Sorry you said '13-year-old Jon reacting to Kon coming back from the dead.’ Right? 

--------------------

Omega squad, now in their sophomore year as a team, still don’t know how to help each other with...non-hero things. Really, with all their combine traumas, they’re not sure if what they’re saying will actually help or will start a fight. But things like dead family...what can they say?

“Jon-Jon?” Mar’i lays her head next to his on the table. “You okay?”

“No...” He sniffles, “I miss Kon.”

The princess nods, wrapping her arms around him, “I know. I’m sorry.”

The rest of Omega squad looks over at them. Milagro’s the only one that really knows what he’s feeling...but she doesn’t know what to say. Damian had been kinder the last year to his friend, Jai and Colin going out of their way to make him smile some how. 

But they know how hard anniversaries are. 

“Someone should be here soon.” Jai says absentmindedly, “D’we know who’s babysitting this week?”

“Supervising.” Damian corrects. “It’s supposed to be Drake. He mentioned being late---”

“Someone’s coming up the elevator.” Jon mumbles, super hearing picking up on the heartbeats. “Two people.”

Mar’i hugs her friend a little tighter as the others settle into their normal spots for the weekly ‘don’t do this shit’ lecture. Jon doesn’t lift his head as the door opens. Damian snips, “About time, Dra--”

His friend’s voice dies. Heavy foot steps cross the wood floor towards the dining table.

“I don’t wanna talk, Tim.”

“Well, that’s good.” Jon bolts up at that voice. “Because I’ve been trying to get you to lose the glasses since you were 10. Doubt you’ll start listenin’ now.”

Jon doesn’t want to turn around. If he does, and it’s not him....”You’re dead....”

“Okay, maybe I WAS dead earlier today, but I'm alive and well now... Jon. I’m back.”

Taking the risk, Jon turns. 

With a soft gasp, he flies into his goofy big brother’s arms, nearly tackling the larger man. Kon hugs his little brother tight as he can, both of them crying. They both hear Kon’s shirt rip as Jon grips it, but that doesn’t matter. 

“I’m sorry, Jon. I’m so sorry.” Kon murmurs. 

“Just happy my brother’s back.” Jon hiccups. “I love you, superjerk.”

“Love you too, supernerd.” 

[memeasaurus-promptus]

Superhero/Sidekick Sentence Starters

“Keep your head down!” 

“Jeez, what are you, my parent?” 

“I can prove to you that I’m ready for a mission!” 

“Can you teach me? Please?” 

“Why would I take a scruffy troublemaker like you in under my wing?” 

“Stop using your powers so brazenly!” 

“Are you alright?!” 

“I am NOT wearing that!” 

“Can you /please/ change your color scheme?” 

“Sorry but __ was already taken.” 

“You did good out there.” 

“Nice job! Couldn’t have done a better job myself.” 

“Woah, where’s the fire?” 

“What’s your /real/ name?” 

“Not going to lie, kid, but you wouldn’t last five seconds fighting bad guys on your own.” 

“Who let an asshole be a superhero anyway?” 

“You stole my ___ and went out on your own, didn’t you?!” 

“I told you I could do it!” 

“You have to watch for civilians while I’m engaging the enemy, alright?” 

“What’s your capture count right now?” 

“Superhero, more like superjerk.” 

“That’s so cool!!” 

“Hey, aren’t you __?” 

“I haven’t seen a hero like you before.” 

“Aw, you think you can go out and play hero with the big league. Cute.” 

“Sit still, I’m trying to patch you up!” 

“You’re a fool if you think you can go in without help!” 

“Let me help!” 

“Are you okay?”

“Haven’t seen that before.” 

“...Did I kick your ass last week...?” 

✨+ Add your own!

[cgbcomics]