#Stupid Bitch Disease

[binaryjayne]

More Venko. Forever Venko. I am STUCK on this pair.

First off, I wrote a thing. It's this thing right here:

After the war, the Alliance and press catch wind of their relationship and decide to "redo" their wedding, making it an enormous event in the process. Both James and Kaidan want just a tiny bit of it for themselves.

Pairing: Kaidan Alenko X James Vega | rated G | 2.5k words | Part of the Honeymoon series

CUE THE OVER ANALYZING OF THESE CHARACTERS AND THIS FIC.

Spoilers for my Honeymoon series (and this fic in particular), but honestly, if anyone read the first smutty one-shot, there's nothing new or surprising below this line.

Okay. So, in this fic, both of them have an idea of how they want their proposal and wedding to go. Let's walk through Kaidan's first:

He got his suit tailored.

He made a reservation at a fancy restaurant.

He hired a violinist.

Does any of this sound like something James would be into? No, I really don't think so. I'm not saying James is simple, but he certainly has simple tastes. James values his connections to people over anything else. It's important to him that the people he loves are happy.

Would that proposal make Kaidan happy? Absolutely.

James? Not so much.

That approach to him would be stuffy and too much. Kaidan would find it romantic and understated, while James would find it over the top. He'd find more romance in an impromptu proposal on the back porch of their home while stargazing under a blanket. Granted, he's never going to not be thrilled at whatever Kaidan's proposal was, because at the end of the day he was always going to say yes (ignoring the fact that they're already married). But a little more consideration for what he might like would be nice.

I mean, a violinist? Really, Kaidan?

~

Now James' wedding plans:

Backyard BBQ

Only friends and family

Tattooed wedding rings

There's no spectacle, no expectation, just good food and good company. Would James love it? Yes. Would Kaidan love it?

ALSO YES!

So why does James think he'd hate it? Well, he doesn't, but he feels like Kaidan deserves more than something as casual as a backyard get-together. Kaidan deserves the violinist and the fancy dinner and the ring in the champagne flute. Those are big gestures that show just how much you love that person. Just because he doesn't find it particularly personal, doesn't mean they aren't traditional gestures for a reason. James doesn't want to be on the receiving end of that kind of affection, but Kaidan certainly deserves that type of luxury.

He doesn't realize that Kaidan would be thrilled to be surrounded by his friends in a tiny ceremony. There's no expectation to be a certain person or act a certain way. Moments like an exchange of vows should be private and only shared with your loved ones. He might want something a little more than a backyard BBQ, but under no circumstances would he hate a small reception at the orchard. No cameras, no titles, just love.

Oh, and he'd want real rings, but could be convinced to get a tattooed one as well.

~

So why am I highlighting this? Because they've only been together for a year, give or take a few months, and they're still learning about each other. It's why the whole thing turns into a fight because they don't truly know where they stand with one another, only knowing they're in love. They're trying, they want it badly, and yet they keep missing the mark.

It takes time, sooooo much time to truly know your partner, and they got married in the middle of a war, as figureheads in the middle of that war. There wasn't any time to do anything besides cling to the fact that what they had was real and would fight tooth and nail for it to survive.

They have more in common than they think, but are two very stubborn people. I've written them specifically to have trouble communicating, because I'm a dick like that. But if Kaidan would stop interrupting, and if James would stop acting on knee-jerk reactions, they'd find more success at getting to know each other.

So they keep screwing up. They're going to stumble, they're going to be selfish, they're going to misinterpret the needs of one another. And you know what? That's okay. They've decided they want to be together and are willing to put in the work to make it successful. They're not perfect, no relationship is, but growing together is what is going to make them woven together in a way that makes sense for them both.

Will it work? Who's to say, but they're trying. They want to make each other happy, but it takes time for them to truly know just how to do that.

But there's time now, hard-fought and well-earned time. Giant spectacle of a wedding or stargazing at the orchard, as long as their together, it's time well spent.

~~

So that's my thought process. The explanation is probably longer than the three or so paragraphs that it pertains to, but there we go.

[magicalgirlworm]

condition me like one of pavlovs dogs so that i get hungry and start salivatimg at the sound of The Bell™

[vaultsixtynine]

i'm trying to think of what the fear underlying whatsherface's entire situation and i think it's like. a form of fear of not being capable (not necessarily not heing Seen as capable, she doesn't rly care abt most external opinions on her existence) but like. being unable to do what she wants or needs to do. hitting a wall that can't be climbed or circumnavigated. running out of options. she's extremely an earth sign except one who has not ever found the ability to rest easy with her own faults or shortcomings. the internalized sense of responsibility - real or not - makes her fixated on goals to deleterious degrees. she pays all debts. she keeps all promises. if she said she would do something and wasn't lying for a pre-existing goal (which - she's a very good liar!), she DOES it. she has been desensitized to the extreme abt violence to her person, to the generalized concept of death (not that she's totally chill with it and not that the wild animal in the heart of every human doesn't buck a little bit at the notion), and she is largely free of most smaller fears - never worries Too overmuch abt social interactions, etc. but the fear of failure - and in extension, the extreme gnawing guilt when things go sideways and every fiber of her being knows without a doubt that this was her responsibility and She Failed - is mmmmm.

[linktoo-doodles]

patchwork

[sneetsnootyoit]

Hi i just wanted to let you know that your tags are getting your posts blocked from showing up in search results. Tumblr censors certain words in tags which means that your writing won’t get engagement if you keep tagging things the way you have been. It’s a crapshoot as to what is censored but when you write very long tags that include words like smut and dick they’re definitely not going to come up!

I didn't know that! I'll definitely fix that, because I really want to be able to share my fics on here! Thank you!

[mer-se]

How do you experience panic attacks I wonder if that’s what’s happening to me at night and early in the mornings

Oh boy this is gonna be long.

Cortisol levels are higher in the morning so it’s sort of normal to feel anxious in the morning! If I have something stressful to do and i’m up early for it I can’t even eat I’ll like gag. But I also have generalized anxiety and other craziness as well. I don’t have panic the same way I once did. Everyone experiences them differently! Some people cry and literally freak out, some are just quiet. Panic attacks are usually random and from pent up unresolved anxiety. Someone who didn’t know me well probably wouldn’t know I was having an issue aside from getting shaky. Mostly because I’m deeply self aware to my own detriment and will never make a scene or make myself look a mess so I internalize everything. I don’t like medical things and have had a lot of that recently and internally am stressed but on the outside it looks like I’m chillen, like unless you really know me you wouldn’t know fully, that’s probably why I’m not always babied by strangers (which is great for me) I don’t want that and it makes it worse. I do well actually in stressful situations/environments and on my own in them at times because without a source of familiar comfort it makes me flip a switch in my brain to look/be brave as fuck, because what I’m not gonna do is embarrass myself ever and I can pull a good poker face. Growing up I went through a lot alone and I can go back to that place and deal with a lot and rely on lil ol me to get through it, but gonna need all the comfort after. It’ll just take a lot out of me physically after. Mine have gotten so much better and it’s more rare now. I mostly just get extremely nauseous and feel like I’m probably going to die immediately, and it’s random like I can be washing dishes and get a wave of doom wash over me and internally am like running from a bear in the woods but standing at my sink. When I use to get them bad a couple years ago I’d get them at night and would have to lay down and like sweat it out basically, lasted for hours back then. It’s just your fight or flight response misfiring, but it literally feels horrible and I wouldn’t wish the feeling on anyone, takes a lot out of you, like ur body is reacting to danger and there’s a lot of physical symptoms, and that dread ooof gurl. I can cope wayy better with it now but you never can get use to the initial feeling. If you’re going through this I promise it’ll get better, in 2019 I took cold medicine and got really drunk and ended up in the er from what was like a bad reaction/medicine induced panic attack it was terrible, after that I was having them like daily for months. Was a nightmare, because I didn’t know what was happening it took a long time but I climbed out of it and I very rarely have them now and if I do I can get it together. I had a mild one at work this past winter randomly and just paced around and felt like throwing up but didn’t, and made it through and still did my work. I actually went and took the trash out to the dumpsters in the dark (cold air helps). I don’t let it like devastate my life anymore and that’s kind of key, not giving it so much power. They don’t scare me as much now so I can get over it faster and now they don’t happen as much. Anxiety feeds off anxiety. It’s just your body trying to protect you unfortunately it’s bad timing and feels not good. A misfire. I take way better care of myself now. I take magnesium (glycinate or taurate) for my anxiety and it help me a lot, also walking and doing cardio helps. You’ll come out of it promise, it just takes time.

[astromechs]

Oooh for that micro story, how about some RebelCaptain with a side of 5 (help)?

welcome back to my favorite genre of what i like to call "cassian, you idiot"; microfic list!

As the ship clears the atmosphere and he calculates the coordinates before making the jump to hyperspace, they don't speak.

It's probably for the best; the tasks that Cassian has had, and still have, in front of him require all the focus he can give. Avoiding any damage to the hull while being actively shot at isn't something that can be done with anything less than a clear mind, and as soon as they reach space that's safe enough to allow it, he has a careful encrypted transmission to send to command — one to inform that this mission has failed, before he saves the particulars for the debriefing. Whatever Jyn does or doesn't have to say to him isn't something he can make space for.

He doesn't as he transitions full piloting duties to Kay, even as he can feel her eyes on him from the other side of the cockpit. Footsteps follow him when he stands from the pilot's seat, but he still keeps jaw clenched and the air between them silent. The last thing he needs is a conversation. The —

His ears begin to ring, painfully, and his feet nearly fall out from underneath him, forcing him to grip onto the nearest console for balance. One glance at his arm reveals a steady stream of blood running down it.

The steps that have been following him come to a stop, and in the next instant, there's a hand on him, soft. Gentle. Cassian scrunches his eyes tightly shut and sucks a breath in through his teeth.

Snaps: "If I needed help, I would've called."

He doesn't need to see Jyn's face to know what has to be happening to it — hardening eyes, jaw turning to stone. The chill in her voice is sharp, precise as a vibroblade, when she counters, "No, you wouldn't. You would've done what you're doing right now." The soft touch turns to a grip. "You would've let yourself die before you said a fucking word."

There's an argument sitting on his tongue, ready to be launched, but it never has the chance; the ringing in his ears overwhelms everything else, and his knees begin to give way.

The last thing he feels is being caught before he hits the floor.

[batwynn]

MCAS is going turn me into the Joker what the fuck do you mean I just went into anaphylaxis from provolone cheese, the temperature, and/or vitamin C be for fucking real!

[jessaerys]

i started the long and arduous process of rebuilding from the burning ruins of my work email inbox and only cried a little from work anxiety please clap and cheer and tell me i'm so brave

[lagginguniverse]

freidnly fire for @freaquin

[oflgtfol]

just saw interstellar in imax. love this movie so much. literally any critique of it that i see just shows that the person critiquing it didnt actually watch the fucking movie or havent seen it in ten years and think they remember it perfectly still

[binaryjayne]

New Chapter Up!

Chapter 13 of Wish We Got That Honeymoon is up after a long hiatus. A bit of spycraft happens, and Kaidan and James get a little closer.

One thing that James was going to hate going forward was Kaidan’s sleep schedule. The bastard wanted to be up and moving well before ass o’clock to get ready for the day. Motherfucker didn’t even need an alarm; he was just like that. 

One thing James was going to love going forward though was bear hugging him to keep him from leaving their nest of limbs and tangled sheets. Kaidan’s protests died on his lips when they became occupied with being pressed against his. Before they knew it, the biotic’s legs were wrapped around his waist and they were lazily kissing each other.

[unnatural-twenty]

A healthy breakfast of 2 slices of bread and 4 pills 😑

[rubberduckyrye]

I need you all to understand that:

WaveMaker is an awesome program and it actually shows you how many words you've written in a day! Please check it out I'm in love with it. Also here is my Tutorial on how to manually sync up your files so you can write your projects on any device. It also copies and pastes well into Gdocs and LibreOffice. No I will not shut up about how cool this online program thing is.

It has only been March 30th for about 5 hours and I've already written almost 3k words.

Have I--Have I found the insanity again? Can I write 12k words in a single day???? I'm almost a 4th of the way there--

[adhdo5]

GUHHH dramatics

[blizzardz]

I need something new for the archive or else i'm gonna go mad