#Stuff that happened during the pandemic

[elenjaxx]

Coding Journal 1: Why the hell did I start on this journey?

(En español debajo):

When the pandemic began, due to personal problems I couldn’t finish my dissertation on Alan Turing. It was quite the shock, since I had never left things unfinished before, I had never failed anything in my formative years. 

After that shock, I realized how good it was for me. Even though I had fun in class, I understood those studies didn’t say much about me, because there was something missing… Well, literature studies do not match with a dissertation about the most important mathematician in the whole world.

I had some frustrations and, as it turns out, I shared them with most college students out there: “Why do they assume I can do X when I applied for these studies to learn how to do X?”

One of those skills they assumed we could do the minute we started our studies is essay writing. Is there any solution? Is the solution so CRAZY that I’ve learned how to code and now I have a videogame of my own creation? Spoiler? Continue reading to know more… 

Luck was on my side, for I shared experiences with excellent teachers, who organized masterclasses to help us out, who didn’t mind to repeat concepts again and again. However,   I also had the chance to establish a good relationship with them, thus I could ask “what would you like your students to know about essay or report writing?” “Which is the most common error you find?”

Answers were pretty similar: they don’t use a proper quoting system, we have to give them manuals, they don’t recognize standard essay structure.

That was when the ghost of the scientific method haunted me: “why?” said the voice that drove me to so much trouble. 

I had two answers: first, because they have interiorized how to face academic texts so hard that now it is (almost) humanly impossible to go back to level 0 to understand the frustration of the starting point. Second, because nowadays attention span is decreasing at an alarming rate, since we are surrounded by colorful screens and cleverly-crafted algorithms for your addiction. Thus, trying to explain literally anything becomes a very difficult obstacle maze.

So, I told myself: “what if a student explains those concepts? They would be at your level, having recently passed through your same doubts and frustrations…” But something was missing: that attention span game.

Something for which my mind always has had a solution: videogames!!

Unable to backtrace to Alan Turing (maybe because I glued this project and my pandemic traumas together) I pulled out a new masters dissertation: creating a videogame that would help students to finish their final dissertations. 

Elen, what are you doing???

YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.

Even though I got one of the most intuitive programs to reach my goals, I still managed to crash my system down. (...) (Many times…).

It took me so long that I’ve learned an ugly truth: I would never have my certificate if I got stuck in this journey.

My first attempt was to ask for help. I was going to gift the game to my university, so I asked there. No answer or negatives were what I got back. Analyzing this today, I know I would have done things differently, I would have insisted more.

But having that emotional and troublesome backpack meant I wasn’t mentally ready. And everything turned upside down: scary hospital visits, thieves, murky surroundings… I was so sure I was about to lose it. 

Luckily, the story I have always dreamed of, suddenly was real: Our Flag Means Death. It made me so happy that I changed my final dissertation once more, I recovered that emotional aspect of my Turing’s thesis and I focused on LGBTQ representation and I finally got my certification. Points to mental health!

(For curious minds, you can download it here)

Meanwhile, I was also at a spanish teacher position. Right after that job I was going to a ship (the things that my pirate inner child wants to do…) and the minute I finished packing I had a call that canceled the whole thing. 

Less points for mental health. 

I smiled back at fortune, for I still had that videogame on going, so I decided to finish it for good. A little pirate like me leaves no untied knots. 

Therefore, I found out something that I knew all along. Elena, you love computers! Why didn’t you give it a chance before?

Better late than never. I downloaded Android Studio, started to play with Jupyter, Git became the name of my nightmares… but I was happy. I am happy.

I am a little baby trying not to crash the system down for the nineteenth time. Sometimes I can’t even order a <print: “hello world”>, but it’s fun, it’s insanely fun. 

I finished that videogame, done with a program so simple everyone could do it, but I finished it. I closed a phase of my life and opened the path to another one: coding might be fun, even when you don’t have an interface helping you out every single time. Now my head is spinning, for I can’t stop pointing out new ways to fix that game and I know I would have done things differently (again), but it’s time to close this one too. I will do another one, fancier and better. Maybe I will finally have the nice helping hand everyone needs. 

Right now, I am eager to show you this one, so it might become a tool for any student in need. I will upload it in google for free, probably next week. Would you like to test it out? Would you show it to your friends and students?

See you soon :)

PS: I am having so many problems to bind the english version and the original version (spanish) together, so I might not be able to upload it in english, but I will nonetheless share a different link for this version so everybody can have a bit of fun :P

---------------

Diario de Programación: ¿Por qué me metí en semejante locura?

Cuando empezó la pandemia, por motivos personales no pude acabar mi TFM sobre Alan Turing. Esto fue un shock para mí, ya que jamás había dejado una asignatura de lado, jamás había dejado correr convocatorias... 

Después del shock, me di cuenta de que me vino bastante bien. Aunque me lo pasé de miedo en clase, entendí que esos estudios no iban a definirme, pues había algo que me faltaba... Al fin y al cabo, eran estudios de literatura y yo estaba hablando del matemático más importante de todos los tiempos. Sí... algo no encaja ahí.

Tenía algunas frustraciones acumuladas, y resulta que comparto una con la mayoría de los estudiantes universitarios: "¿Cómo puede ser que den por sentado que sé hacer X, cuando me matriculé en estos estudios para aprender a hacer X?" 

Una de esas habilidades que daban por sentado es saber hacer un ensayo académico nada más comenzar los estudios. ¿Hay solución para esto? ¿La solución es tan LOCA que decidí aprender a programar para ello y ahora tengo en mi poder un videojuego de mi propia creación? ¿Spoiler? Sigue leyendo para averiguarlo…

Tuve la suerte de compartir aula con excelentes profesores, que hacían talleres fuera de sus horas lectivas para intentar ayudarnos, que no les importaba explicar un concepto mil veces. Sin embargo, también tuve la suerte de entablar buenas relaciones con la mayoría y pude preguntarles "¿qué te gustaría que tus alumnos supieran de los ensayos/trabajos de fin de grado?" "¿Cuál es el error que más has visto en las correcciones?"

Las respuestas siempre eran las mismas: no citan de forma correcta, tenemos que darles la bibliografía, no reconocen la estructura de un ensayo.

El espíritu del método científico me atacó en aquel momento: “¿por qué?”, dijo esa vocecilla que me ha metido en tantos problemas.

Saltaron dos respuestas: la primera, porque ellos tienen tan interiorizada la habilidad de enfrentarse a textos académicos que resulta humanamente (casi)imposible retroceder al nivel 0 para entender las frustraciones de quien acaba de empezar. La segunda, porque cada vez se hace más complicado mantener la atención, entre tanto bombardeo de pantallas y algoritmos muy bien pensados para absorberte. Por lo que intentar explicar cualquier cosa se convierte en un complicadísimo laberinto de obstáculos. 

Y me dije, “¿y si esos conceptos te los explicara un estudiante? Estaría a tu nivel, tus frustraciones y dudas las tendría muy recientes…” Pero faltaba algo: jugar con la atención.

Cosa que mi mente siempre supo solucionar: ¡¡los videojuegos!!

Incapaz de volver a Alan Turing, quizá porque lo relacionaba con todo lo malo que me había pasado durante la pandemia, propuse un nuevo TFM: la creación de un videojuego que ayudara a los estudiantes a elaborar trabajos de fin de grado.

Elena, ¿a dónde vas?

NO SABES HACER ESO.

Conseguí uno de los programas más intuitivos para cumplir mi misión y, aún así, me las apañé para llevar el sistema a error. (...) (...varias veces…).

Estaba tardando tanto tiempo que entendí una fea verdad: jamás conseguiría mi título si me quedaba atascada en esta aventura. 

Mi primer intento fue pedir ayuda. Iba a regalar el juego a mi universidad, por lo que a mi universidad acudí. Sin respuesta o con negativas me quedé. Echando la vista atrás, creo que habría hecho las cosas de una forma distinta: habría insistido mucho más. 

Pero con la carga emocional que llevaba a la espalda (una buena mochila de problemas), no estaba mentalmente preparada. Y todo se volvió del revés: sustos de hospital, ladrones, ambientes muy turbios… Estaba segura de que se me iba a ir la cabeza.

Por suerte, llegó a mi vida una historia que siempre he querido tener: Our Flag Means Death. Me hizo tan feliz que cambié de TFM una vez más, volví a la parte más emocional de ese TFM de Alan Turing y me centré en temas LGTBQ, lo defendí y obtuve mi título. ¡Al fin! Punto para la salud mental.

(Para los espíritus curiosos, os lo podéis descargar aquí)

Compaginé el tfm con un maravilloso empleo de profesora de español. Al terminar, iría directa de voluntaria a un barco (cositas del espíritu pirata) y, con las maletas ya hechas, me dijeron que mejor que no.

Un punto menos para la salud mental.

Por suerte, ese proyecto de videojuego seguía abierto, así que me lancé de golpe a terminarlo. Una piratilla como yo ya no deja cabos sueltos. 

Aquí descubrí algo que, en el fondo, siempre estuvo conmigo. Elena, ¡Te encantan los ordenadores! ¿Por qué no le diste una oportunidad a este mundillo antes?

Mejor tarde que nunca. Me descargué Android Studio, empecé a cacharrear con Jupyter, Git apareció para provocarme nuevas pesadillas… Pero estaba contenta. Estoy contenta. 

Soy un bebecito intentando no llevar el sistema a error por decimonovena vez, hay días en los que ni siquiera sé hacer un <print: “hello world”>, pero esto es divertido, es tremendamente divertido.

Terminé el videojuego, hecho con un programa tan simple que cualquiera podría hacerlo, pero lo terminé. Cerré una etapa que me ha abierto las puertas a otra: programar puede ser divertido, incluso cuando no tienes una interfaz que te esté ayudando constantemente. Y ahora me da vueltas la cabeza, porque no paro de ver formas de arreglar ese videojuego y sé que lo haría de una manera totalmente distinta, pero es hora de cerrar ciclos. Ya haré otro, otro mejor, más chulo. Tal vez incluso lo haga con una mano amiga que todos necesitamos. 

Por ahora, tengo muchas ganas de enseñaros este, y me gustaría que sirviera de herramienta para cualquier estudiante que lo necesite. Lo lanzaré gratis por google la próxima semana, ¿querrás probarlo? ¿se lo enseñarás a tus amigos y estudiantes?

Nos vemos pronto :)

[skeletoninthemelonland]

"The Exocannis Ressurection"

[leyyvi]

:( theres over 500 artists at anime expo and i have yet to see any catalogs posted have any aot stuff....i cry

[galariangengar]

💭

[aparticularbandit]

By new thing, I mean debating trying out some good old second person stuff, which would probably end up Eve x Reader.

We'll see how I feel writing it, though, because I don't think I can actually write it while conceptualizing it that way. It's a little too open-ended.

[secretmellowblog]

People who try to analyze what happened on Tumblr on November 5th, 2020, often really overstate how much it was actually “about” Supernatural. As someone who has never been in the supernatural fandom ever but dID join in on the hysterical destielposting—it was really more about the stress of the pandemic and the 2020 presidential election.

The two biggest Youtubers I’ve seen try to dissect “what happened that November 5th” in video essays both weren’t American—- and I think that explains why they both tried to explain the hysteria primarily via analyzing the Supernatural fandom/the original show, rather than through the lens of the election. And while those videos are cool, valid, informational, and make lots of really well-considered interesting points— I can tell you that me and almost all my mutuals had literally no knowledge or interest in the fact that “oh supernatural had made nods at the ship in the past but the creators were adamant that I wouldn’t be canon” or etc etc etc etc. the first time I learned about any of that context was way later, watching videos where people claimed that fandom history context (that I did not know anything about) was the actual reason for the hysteria.

But the reality is that people latched on to the Destiel stuff because it was a piece of big useless inane zero-stakes fandom news in a time when we were desperately waiting for serious high stakes election news. We were latching onto a “positive “ piece of inane stupid fandom news in a time of great stress, with all the desperation of a drowning man who latches onto whatever piece of wood will keep him afloat.

The core of the hysteria was that Americans (who make up a huge chunk of tumblr’s userbase) were currently glued to their laptops watching the live presidential election vote counts come in. These vote counts were taking an extended amount of time due to the pandemic causing high numbers of mail-in ballots, resulting in a constant state of Election Day Stress for multiple days straight.

This was also during the height of the Pandemic. People had predicted Trump’s presidency would be bad; no one had predicted it would be this apocalyptically bad. No one had predicted pandemics and lockdowns and hospitals overflowing with bodybags. remember Trump spreading Covid lies and conspiracies?? There were so many Qanon conspiracies about democrats being Satanic child traffickers who had to be put to death, and coup threats were mounting from the right wing side. It seemed like this election was a choice between ‘centrist democrat’ and “apocalyptic right wing conspiracy theory authoritarianism,” in the midst of pandemic conditions that people feared would never ever improve— and it seemed like a close election.

Another major point was that Trump voters were more likely to be antimaskers/Covid deniers, while Biden voters were more likely to take the pandemic seriously— so Biden voters were more likely to send in mail-in ballots instead of risking the in-person voting crowds, which meant their ballots would take much longer to count. And so, in many state electoral vote counts, it would initially seem like Trump was very far in the lead— only for Biden to slooooowly build up an agonizingly small lead as the mail in ballots came in, and then defeat Trump at the very end.

So you’re just watching these news sites giving live election updates, refreshing the page every 2 minutes to see if you’re going to live under a spineless centrist democrat or a literal Qanon Dictatorship. And then you go on tumblr to distract yourself, and there’s more election posting, and more agonizing over the votes, and more stress and despair—-

And then it’s been days and we’re right at the crucial tipping point where it’s anyone’s game and the next few hours will determine whether Trump will win, so you need to keep your eye on the vote count, because the next hours will determine the future of the pandemic and your country and your plans for your entire life—

And then stupid Destiel becomes canon! And it becomes canon in the silliest way possible!

If Destiel had become canon at any other time, it would have been a big goofy tumblr celebration? But we wouldn’t have gotten the insane explosion of hysterical interaction.

The entire core of it was the contrast between the inane meaningless stupidity of fandom news vs the actual stressful election news you wanted to hear! It really is best conveyed in that meme where Castiel says “I love you” and Dean indifferently responds with a piece of important election news.

It’s about the contrast between the low-stakes inanity of fandom and the massive life-destroying stakes of a terrifying election. There really was no reason it had be Supernatural specifically, except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis— it could’ve been any other equally huge silly fandom ship news about a ship everyone *knew of* but might not necessarily be invested in (ex. Stucky becoming canon, Johnlock becoming canon, Kirk/Spock becoming more canon somehow, etc etc etc.)

I think it’s true that people who weren’t paying agonizingly close attention to the American election news got swept up in it, and that non American Supernatural fans also were extremely excited for purely fandom reasons — but the entire reason it blew up to an unprecedented degree was because of that core of stressed out terrified Americans glued to their computers watching election results and suddenly receiving stupid fandom news instead, and deciding to just hysterically parodically hyper-celebrate this absurd useless zero-stakes news.

I think it was also all elevated by the fact that, as I said before, this happened at the crucial “tipping point” of the election where the next few hours would determine the winner. The fact that Biden began to slowly develop a lead in the hours after made it feel, hysterically, as if the hours after Destiel became canon was somehow the turning point where he began to win; so celebrating Destiel felt like celebrating that slow turn towards victory.

The tl,dr is that it’s so important to Remember the Fifth of November …..in preparation the inevitable hysteria that will happen in the presidential election on November 5th of next year. XD. Personally I’m rooting for Johnlock or Frodo/Sam to somehow become canon in the eleventh hour right before the democrats win

[ipoddymouth]

i think it's interesting that now so many peoples view on activism is just saying stuff in the most public ways possible.....like posting on insta stories......getting on magazine covers.........tiktok journalism or whatever the fuck......and i do think all of that is important but its like THAT is what some people view as perfect activism

and again i dont think any of those things are bad but its wild to see how its gone from sit-ins and boycotts and picketlines - like in person shit - to cyberbullying that bowlcut ass kid from stranger things

[shesnake]

Spider-Verse Artists Say Working on the Sequel Was ‘Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts’

Why don’t more animated movies look this good? According to people who worked on the sequel, Across the Spider-Verse, it’s because the working conditions required to produce such artistry are not sustainable.

Multiple Across the Spider-Verse crew members — ranging from artists to production executives who have worked anywhere from five to a dozen years in the animation business — describe the process of making the the $150 million Sony project as uniquely arduous, involving a relentless kind of revisionism that compelled approximately 100 artists to flee the movie before its completion.

While frequent major overhauls are standard operating procedure in animation (Pixar films can take between four and seven years to plot, animate, and render), those changes typically occur early on during development and storyboarding stages. But these Spider-Verse 2 crew members say they were asked to make alterations to already-approved animated sequences that created a backlog of work across multiple late-stage departments. Across the Spider-Verse was meant to debut in theaters in April of 2022, before it was postponed to October of that year and then June 2023 owing to what Entertainment Weekly reported as “pandemic-related delays.” However, the four crew members say animators who were hired in the spring of 2021 sat idle for anywhere from three to six months that year while Phil Lord tinkered with the movie in the layout stage, when the first 3-D representation of storyboards are created.

As a result, these individuals say, they were pushed to work more than 11 hours a day, seven days a week, for more than a year to make up for time lost and were forced back to the drawing board as many as five times to revise work during the final rendering stage.

"For animated movies, the majority of the trial-and-error process happens during writing and storyboarding. Not with fully completed animation. Phil’s mentality was, This change makes for a better movie, so why aren’t we doing it? It’s obviously been very expensive having to redo the same shot several times over and have every department touch it so many times. The changes in the writing would go through storyboarding. Then it gets to layout, then animation, then final layout, which is adjusting cameras and placements of things in the environment. Then there’s cloth and hair effects, which have to repeatedly be redone anytime there’s an animation change. The effects department also passes over the characters with ink lines and does all the crazy stuff like explosions, smoke, and water. And they work closely with lighting and compositing on all the color and visual treatments in this movie. Every pass is plugged into editing. Smaller changes tend to start with animation, and big story changes can involve more departments like visual development, modeling, rigging, and texture painting. These are a lot of artists affected by one change. Imagine an endless stream of them."

"Over 100 people left the project because they couldn’t take it anymore. But a lot stayed on just so they could make sure their work survived until the end — because if it gets changed, it’s no longer yours. I know people who were on the project for over a year who left, and now they have little to show for it because everything was changed. They went through the hell of the production and then got none of their work coming out the other side."

[follow-up-news]

A juror was dismissed Monday after reporting that a woman dropped a bag of $120,000 in cash at her home and offered her more money if she would vote to acquit seven people charged with stealing more than $40 million from a program meant to feed children during the pandemic. “This is completely beyond the pale,” Assistant U.S. Attorney Joseph Thompson said in court on Monday. “This is outrageous behavior. This is stuff that happens in mob movies.” These seven are the first of 70 defendants expected to go to trial in a conspiracy that cost taxpayers $250 million. Eighteen others have pleaded guilty, and authorities said they recovered about $50 million in one of the nation’s largest pandemic-related fraud cases. Prosecutors say just a fraction of the money went to feed low-income kids, while the rest was spent on luxury cars, jewelry, travel and property.

[shanedoesdoodles]

God I should really remember to keep my expectations low when planning socal interactions

[tinkerotr]

Deciding to skip my holiday dinner & karaoke with my work crew in order to hopefully avoid burnout feels really frustrating more than sad at the moment…

Honestly tired of never quite feeling at peace with my choices, when they’ve all required so much forced energy to avoid states of guilt and shame that are really easy to slip into as well as allow to manipulate me into going back on my decision. Then follows blame and again the cycle that is emotionally exhausting.

This is why isolation happens, it’s just easier at some point. No racing thoughts no statue moments no irregular eating happens beyond the ones you already know when you keep to yourself, and suddenly you have energy.

and then it’s quite nice when you get to spend that energy with people who relate to your needs and values and will appreciate you taking time for yourself, because they understand that’s necessary for your enjoyment when you choose to go out.

It’s a really tough playing field, if I dare word it that way. But, the way it feels like a game most of the time with rules that cONSTANTLy seem to be changing at very slight degrees, makes it hard to come up with wording that expresses more genuinely the feeling that is constantly participating and never getting the impression that your participation is valued, particularly if it doesn’t match everyone else’s.

[acnhretreat]

*me when noot horizons replies to my comments on youtube* omg hi lol

[olderthannetfic]

One thing I wish more people would just absorb into their worldview is the difference between an age demographic and a generation.

Gen Z do dumb teenager stuff because they're teenagers. Every generation did dumb teenager stuff when they were teens. The zoomers will stop doing dumb teenager stuff as they age out of their teens, and that niche will be filled by gen alpha. Dumb teenager stuff is eternal, and is an age demographic.

Gen Z had their education disrupted by the Covid-16 pandemic. This is going to shape their thoughts about and behaviours around illness, education, careers, and social life. It's a significant event that happened at a formative time in their lives, and it will continue to influence how they think and act until the last zoomer dies of old age in like 2140, and that will set them apart from younger generations who have no real memory of the pandemic, and from older generations who were established in their adult lives during that time.

Zoomers will outgrow being teenagers, and they will not outgrow having came of age during a global pandemic. These things are not the same. Both of these things are worth talking about, and for now we can use "Zoomer" to mean both the age and the generation, but that's a temporary coincidence.

Zoomers are not inherently dumber than Millenials or any other generation. They're just seem dumber because they're teenagers. For now.

--

[panlight]

Today I'm intrigued about what people thought happened to Rosalie and Carlisle.

Jasper was at war, Alice was in an asylum, Edward was in a hospital during a pandemic. Them never coming home wouldn't be that weird (and Alice's father and step-mother claimed she was dead anyway). Even Emmett had gone out into the woods, things happen. Fatal encounters with wildlife, getting lost, hunting accidents. Even Esme; alone in a new place, lost a baby, jumped off a cliff. Would anyone really notice her body was missing? Who was going to claim it?

But Rosalie and Carlisle are different. Rosalie was about to marry into a prominent family and then she disappears, and then the friends of her fiancé die (or disappear? Did Rosalie hide the bodies?) and then the fiancé himself is killed/disappears. She vanished one night walking home from a friend's house and no body was ever found. That's weird. Did people think she was the first victim of a serial killer? Did they think she was a witness or involved in some shady stuff that Royce and his friends did that came back to haunt them? Did anyone ever suspect that Royce and his friends were responsible for her disappearance or is she forever lumped in with them as victims of the Rochester Killer?

And with Carlisle, sure, dying on a vampire raid in the context of a time and place where vampire raids were a thing wouldn't be 'weird,' but his father purposefully burned the bodies of vampire victims. Carlisle's body was never found. Did Pastor Cullen try to cover that up? Burn some other body and claim it was Carlisle's? Bury an empty coffin in the churchyard so no one would have to live with the idea that his son stalked the night as a blood-sucking monster? Or did everyone know his body was never found and he was probably out there, transformed into one of the monsters he and his father had fought? Were his father and surviving friends spending terrified, sleepless nights worrying undead Carlisle would make an appearance?

[pitviperofdoom]

High School Time Travelers, Part 2

It's finally here! Follow up to this story.

***

“So. Spill. What the fuck is going on with you and Angelique?”

Raph fidgeted uncomfortably, and something within Erin roared out in protest at that. They were in her room, surrounded by her clutter and band posters and the stuff he kept at her house to keep his mom from throwing it away. He wasn’t supposed to be uncomfortable here.

Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I time-traveled last night.”

“I’m serious—”

“So am I,” he said wearily. “I woke up in a house I haven’t set foot in for years, across the hall from someone I promised myself I’d never talk to again. It happened, and if you’re stuck on that part then this conversation can’t continue.”

Erin got up and paced her room, kicking aside her backpack, nearly knocking over the guitar stand in the corner. “What the fuck.”

“That’s what I said.”

“What the fuck, Raph.”

“I didn’t mean to!”

The absurdity hit her instantly—he didn’t mean to time travel, as if they were talking about him forgetting his homework or getting in Monica Dillon’s way during passing period. She wanted to laugh.

But then she remembered some of the weird things Angelique had said—about friendships imploding, about college, about shit not mattering in high school, all with the easy certainty of experience.

“Prove it,” she said. “Can you do that thing where you predict what I’m about to say?”

“I’m not stuck in a time loop, dumbass, yesterday I was thirty-three!” Raph snapped. “I had to go through math class trying to pretend I still remembered my teacher’s name!”

“Okay, okay, Jesus.” Erin held up her hands placatingly. “There’s gotta be something.”

Raph sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I dunno. Anything meaningful and unchangeable I can remember won’t happen for a while, so if you’re willing to wait for the Trump presidency or the global pandemic, there’s that.”

“The what.”

“Wait, who’s president right now? It’s still Bush, right?”

Erin pulled a face.

“Next one’s Barack Obama, he’s gonna do two terms,” Raph informed her. “First black president.”

“Oh, huh. Cool,” Erin said faintly.

“Let’s see, what else, um… Balloon Boy? Has Balloon Boy happened yet?”

“No, what the fuck is Balloon Boy?”

Raph brightened. “Yeah, so at some point this family is gonna release like, a homemade weather balloon? Or something? And there’s gonna be this huge panic because they think their son is stuck inside it, but then it turns out he was fine and hiding in the basement the whole time and it was a hoax.”

“Okay, I’ll keep an eye out for that I guess?” Erin sat down again. “You’re seriously not fucking with me right now?”

“I mean, if you want, we could forget this conversation ever happened,” Raph offered. “Continue with our normal lives, while I keep under-reacting to devastating world events.”

“Christ, I don’t know.” Erin pressed her palms into her eyes. After a moment, she lifted her head again. “Wait a minute, we’re getting off track. What does this have to do with Angelique?”

Raph’s silence could not have been louder.

“Raph,” Erin said, a little desperately.

“First you have to promise you won’t be mad,” said Raph.

“Did you sleep with her in the—” Erin paused to do some arithmetic in her head. “—eighteen years between then and now?!”

“She’s my wife,” Raph blurted out.

Moments later, Erin’s mother knocked politely on the bedroom door. “Everything okay in there?” she asked. “That’s an awful lot of screaming for a Tuesday night.”

Erin continued howling into her pillow. “She’s fine, Mrs. Yokota!” Raph called. “We’re looking at—uh—creepypastas!”

“Creepy what?”

“Uh—crap, are they still called that?—like, ghost stories and stuff!”

Placated, she left them to it. Eventually Erin recovered enough to lie back and stare listlessly at the ceiling.

“Dude.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“What the fuck is your life?” Erin demanded. “How did that even happen?”

“We ran into each other at—so my friend Hazel got roped into being in their college roommate’s bridal party and dragged me along for moral support, and Angelique was in the same friend group but with like six degrees of separation from us,” Raph explained. “It took half the reception for her to recognize me because at that point I’d been on T for a few years, but the second she realized we went to the same high school she turned fishbelly-white, pulled me aside, and apologized for how much of a bitch she was back then. It was really awkward.”

Back then, he called it, even though for Erin it was still right now. “And you married her?”

“Like eight years later, yeah.” Raph ran his hand through his hair, not quite hiding the small smile that stole over his face. “She really turned over a new leaf.”

Erin was silent for a while, mulling over this new information, combining it with what she already had from that afternoon.

“Is your name still Raphael?” she asked. “She sounded really surprised about it. And I know you said you were just taking the name on a trial run, but you really seemed to like it. Not that there’s—you know,” she added. “I know that—just because I picked it, I knew you might not… you know. It’s fine, I was just wondering. If I should call you something else.”

“I did—I do like it,” Raph assured her. “But, uh, some stuff happened. My dad found me.”

Erin’s eyebrows shot upward. “Wait, really? What’d he have to say for himself?”

“That Mom ghosted him when she got pregnant because her side guy had more money.”

“Dude, fuck your mom.”

“Don’t fuck my mom, she’ll ghost you for money, weren’t you listening?”

Erin burst out snickering. “Fuck, sorry, this isn’t funny.”

“It will be in eighteen years,” Raph said with a wry smile. “Hindsight. Anyway, he found me in—he’s gonna find me in two years unless I reach out first. He’s a good guy. My stepmom’s pretty cool, too. And I have sisters? So that’s awesome. And yeah, he had this friend who passed away when he was younger, and he always wanted to name his son after him, but then Mom disappeared and he only ended up having daughters, so when he found me, it kind of worked out.” He hesitated. “I’m Damian. Damian Raphael Harker.”

“That’s such a cool name,” Erin sighed.

Raph—Damian—tilted his head back to grin at her. “Yours is cool, too.”

“Shut up,” she said fondly.

“No, seriously,” he said emphatically. “Your name is unspeakably cool.”

There was something odd in his tone, sticking up and catching like a loose nail. It bothered her, the same way something Angelique said earlier had bothered her.

“Hey, Ra—Damian?” Erin said cautiously. “Earlier, when Angelique sat down with us, she didn’t recognize me.”

“She does, don’t worry.”

“No, she didn’t,” Erin pressed. “It took her a second to realize who I was, and she stopped herself from saying why.”

Suddenly Damian looked deeply uncomfortable. “I, uh.”

She took a deep breath. “Was I dead in your time?”

“Wh-no! No no no no, of course not!” Damian looked horrified. “We played Pathfinder like last week, you’re not dead.”

“What’s Path—no, never mind. Something’s clearly up. If we just played whatever-that-is last week, and Angelique is your wife, then why didn’t she know who I was?”

“Uh…” Damian’s hands had worked their way deep into his sleeves. “You look different, that’s all. You kind of reinvented yourself in college.”

“Oh,” Erin said, momentarily relieved. Then— “Wait.”

“What?’

“Damian. You’d—” She hesitated. “If I was a guy, you’d tell me, right?’

“Oh my God,” Damian mumbled into his be-sweatered hands.

“Damian.”

“You’re... not...”

“You’d tell me, right?”

“See, I don’t know if I would!” Damian answered, in a strained high-pitched tone. “That’s—look. If you were a guy, that’s something you’d have to work out for yourself!”

“Damian, I swear to God.”

“I can’t crack your egg for you, that’s like violating the Prime Directive!”

Erin seized a pillow and started to buffet him with it. “You are such a nerd!”

“It’s your personal journey, you can’t use me to cheat!” Damian cackled, fending her off with a plush horse.

***

“Yeah I’ll get the banana split.” Angie bounced on the balls of her feet, eyes raking over the array of toppings. “Can you put caramel and chocolate sauce on it? And Heath bar pieces, chopped strawberries, and M&Ms.”

“Yeah, sure thing.”

It took all of her self-control not to press her nose against the glass as she watched them make it. Some small part of her balked at the sight of three huge scoops of ice cream and all the toppings, but she quieted it. She had a second shot at being a teenager, and that meant never taking her garbage disposal stomach and body made of rubber bands for granted ever again.

She hummed absently to herself, only to pause halfway through the tune. How did it go again? She tried repeating the first half, only to get stuck at the same spot. Oh, this was going to bug the crap out of her. It wasn’t like she could look it up, not when the song wouldn’t come out for almost ten years—

Her phone vibrated in her purse, and she checked it absentmindedly, zeroing in for a moment on the DAD displayed on the screen. After a moment, she put it back without answering. If it was that important, he could text.

Sure enough, her phone gave a short buzz. New text message—he hadn’t even bothered to leave a voicemail.

DADI need you to talk to your brother.

Angie checked her banana split’s progress with a glance, and replied.

lol why

DADHe’s not listening to me. We both know the courts favor the mother so if we’re going to beat her I need both of you on your A game.

Angie ground her teeth until her jaw creaked.

what do you need me to do

DADJust coach him on how to talk about her. You’re a smart lady, I know you can do it. He’s always getting scuffed up at practice, just have him say the bruises came from her. Throw in a drinking problem if you have to, just keep your stories straight.

why father dearest i’m surprised at youyou want me to lie under oath?

DADJust talk to him, will you? Keep your stories straight, don’t get too outlandish, and we’ll get out of this with everything we want. You’ll never have to hear the word no again, I promise.

ok daddy ill do my best!

DADGood girl. You’re the smartest girl I know. Smarter than your mom, smarter than her bitch lawyer. Love you!

“Order up!”

Angie brought her banana split to the table with the clearest view of the door. It took her a moment to decide how to begin, then nearly a full minute balancing equal parts ice cream, banana, and toppings in a single spoonful. She managed it in the end.

Mood lifted, she unlocked her phone again and made a call. “Heeeey, Anika.”

“Need I remind you that phone calls are billable,” her mother’s lawyer said dryly.

“Yeah, I’ll be quick, I have some incriminating text messages I think you’ll be interested in?”

The sound of rustling papers paused. “Go on…?”

“Dad just told me to lie to the judge,” Angie explained, twirling a thin ribbon of caramel around her spoon. “And to coach Eric to lie to the judge. I took screenshots.”

Anika cursed softly under her breath. “Thank you for telling me. Send them to your mom, okay? Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

The bell above the ice cream parlor door jingled, and Angie perked up as both Damian (Raph?) and Erin walked in. She waved them over, grinning when both pairs of eyes widened at her treat.

“That thing’s half the size of your head,” Erin pointed out.

“Sure is, you guys came just in time.” Angie nudged it across the table, along with the two extra spoons. “If we split it, I’ll have enough room for a milkshake chaser.”

“You’re a monster,” Damian said delightedly. “Oh shit, are those Heath bars?” He dug in without waiting for an answer.

“They’re peanut butter cups,” she said solemnly, once he’d taken a bite and could probably tell they weren’t. “I added them just to hurt you.” Damian rolled his eyes and dug his spoon back in.

Erin stared at her, probably still baffled by the gentle banter, but at least she looked more curious than infuriated, like instead of being suspicious she simply didn’t know what to make of Angie.

“So, you guys talked?” Angie asked carefully. “Are we… all good?”

“I think so,” Damian replied, shooting a cautious glance at Erin.

“You’re on thin ice,” Erin informed her as she helped herself to the chocolate scoop.

“Fair.” Angie didn’t remember Erin putting up quite as much of a fight, but then, it had been years when they’d reconnected before. This time around, it was still fresh.

“The ice cream helps,” Erin added, slightly muffled by the spoon in her mouth.

“Noted.” Angie paused, weighed her options, and shrugged. No harm no foul, probably. “Hey, you’re a musician, right?”

Erin swallowed. “Yeah, why?”

“And not just a performer, but you write music too, right?”

“Yeeaaah?” Erin squinted suspiciously. Beside her, Damian shot Angie a warning glare.

“If I give you half a tune, could you resolve it?”

Erin was staring at her like she’d grown a second head. “Probably.”

“Great!” Angie hummed the earworm from earlier. “How would the next part go?”

Erin repeated it to herself, nodding along. After a moment, she said, “Probably like—”

And sure enough, there it was. The rest of the chorus’s tune came rushing back to Angie’s memory, and she breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Thanks! That was driving me nuts.” Angie returned to her banana split, ignoring Damian’s growing scowl.

Later, when Erin was in the bathroom and  Angelique was standing in line to order her promised milkshake, Damian dug his elbow into her side. “You’re not as slick as you think you are,” he muttered.

“What?” Angie said innocently. “I didn’t give anything away.”

“You just taught her half the chorus of a song she’s eight years away from writing!”

“I’ve planted a seed,” Angie insisted. “I’ve created a stable time loop.”

“That is not what you did and you know it.” Damian pursed his lips, clearly trying to stay annoyed with her. “I barely avoided spoiling her transition, and that’s after she asked me to my face.”

Angie grinned. “So you haven’t told her she’s a genderfluid punk rocker yet?”

“No. Because she’s not a genderfluid punk rocker yet.”

“And now, when she becomes one,” Angie said with a smile, “she’s going to look back on this day and laugh.”

[secondlina]

I just wanna say that Crowmance on Crow Time got me through a really crappy event in the first half of 2023 THANK YOU FOR BEING SILLY AND WHIMSICAL!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO KIND!!

This makes me so happy because I started drawing them to get through a really bad time too. During the pandemic I got really sick (I'm still dealing with it), and drawing my main series, Namesake, felt overwhelming. I was completely destroyed physically and mentally, and I felt at the bottom of a crater. It wasn't Namesake's fault, I just had no more energy in the tank left for anything complex, and that story is complex. Even my room was a mess.

In the past, I drew a lot of short romance comics and jokey-jokes for tumblr. I like drawing short things a lot. I'm a bit of a goofy dingus and it gives me an outlet for humor that my regular work doesn't really allow. In the past, I drew cute fairy tale shorts like Knot. I also drew some stuff for the Micro Comic Summer events Hiveworks organized.

So in 2021, I started drawing birds. Rude birds. I really love crows and owls and little tit birds. It started turning into something comforting. Like a good hearty soup. Then it kinda started to take form. Crowmance happened because I love, love, love shapeshifter characters in fiction. I NEEDED IT!

Now I just draw crows and Crowmance alongside my other projects. Because it's fun, and it's like putting on a comfortable hoodie on when you just want to doodle for kicks. They keep me warm. I think people respond to them so positively because they are this little spark of joy I made for myself when everything felt really bleak. The "Shiny and Warm" strip was about this feeling.

I hope they keep helping people, and bringing them joy. I'm doing this as a "joy" project - if it stops being fun, then I'll stop drawing them. As long as I'm having a good time, I'll keep it up. So far, so good!

If you like my weird magical romances though, definitely also read Namesake. It's got that good magical longing.

BONUS CROWMANCE DOODLE!!