#Strange Faeces

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

in your earlier ask you said that yves is pretty much anti child so is he also anti pet? or maybe anti puppy/kitten/baby animal? when you described yves pretty much conditioning reader to dislike kids it reminded me when i got my kitten when she was three weeks old. it was during the lockdown so although i was there 24/7 i was lacking sleep because she refused to sleep on her own and i had to feed her every two hours and when she got older she got hyper and i needed to play with her so she could chill out a little more. i remember as i put her to sleep in my lap for the third time i thought to myself “is this what babies are like? but worse, dirtier and for a longer time?” as much as i love my little fur baby i don’t think i could go through that again so i wonder yves’ thoughts on pets. he gives off those vibes that he hates fur everywhere and can’t stand barking lol. but then again if reader wants a pet im assuming he’ll accommodate somehow.

Pets that need his constant attention like most mammals and noisy animals like the majority of birds are a big no for him.

However, he doesn't mind having reptilians as pets. As long as they're big enough to not lose them. He is indifferent to fishes, but he sees them more as home decor than actual living beings. Something akin to owning lava lamps.

He especially likes snakes. It fits with the aesthetic of his house and they're one of the lowest maintenance pets there is. He would meet all of its physical needs, but other than that, he wouldn't care to spend more time with it than necessary. The snake will be locked up in its enclosure at all times, unless you want to interact with it and he knows that your personality wouldn't lead to trouble. He knows everything there is to know about the snake, yet he sees it as a mere display piece for his living room.

Yves despises insects, he uses the presence of them as a sign that the environment isn't clean, and he does not appreciate having to think his house is filthy. No matter how much research he does on them and how many results show that insects do not necessarily equal dirty, Yves just could not accept them.

He is not squeamish, though. Yves despises them but he is not afraid of them, he knows how to handle a tarantula gently and keep calm when it decides to crawl under his turtleneck. If you threw a bucket of cockroaches on him he would not scream or flail, he would dodge it gracefully before dusting himself off. If any got onto him, he will just pick them off his clothes as if they're paper stickers. Yves will not beat around the bush and try to find a roll of newspaper or a bug spray, he is squashing that colony of spiders with his bare hands.

The way he could simply grab a handful of mealworms without hesitation makes the world think he loves bugs. He doesn't, not one bit.

You could simply shove him in a vat full of writhing maggots and he would come out as if he took a leisure swim in the pool, combing his hair with his fingers to get rid of any leftovers.

Yves would be annoyed more than horrified, lecturing you that pushing him into ponds of worms is rude while he jerks his head to expel the ones that are stuck in his ears.

Not to say he is inept at taking care of them. Yves can be an excellent caretaker for any and every animal. His research skills are unbelievably godly and he loathes the idea of him being perceived as incompetent in anything.

Yves also has a strangely high tolerance for all things disgusting and vile, he could clean up the most brutal bloody murder scene complete with mutilated bodies, decomposition, faeces, urine, vomit and other bodily fluids without wearing gloves or a gas mask; and still have an appetite to eat lunch immediately after. Vacuuming fur and sifting through the litter box is nothing to him. He just does not find much fulfillment in owning a pet. Hence, a pet becomes a parasite in his life, and he detests all things vermin.

If you wanted a furry companion so badly, he will hit the books and review the patterns in your life again.

Do you really want a pet or are you actually just bored? If it's the latter, he could effectively fill your time and make you forget about your desire for an animal companion. He could also negotiate his way out of this too.

Are you someone who hyper fixate on something or someone, then lose all interest after a few months? Then, he could wait it out. Taking care of your newest breathing toy as he counts down until you finally decide to abandon it and move on to greener pastures.

Are you someone who easily gives up at the first encounter of a problem? Maybe all it takes for you to drop the interest entirely is a meow that's too loud or a nip that's a bit too painful. He's going to train the animal to misbehave around you.

Are you someone who is susceptible to peer pressure? He is going to train your pet to misbehave around your loved ones. Manipulate your friends and family into thinking that you're an abusive or neglectful pet owner. He doesn't have to say a word to you, everyone is doing the pressuring for him.

Maybe you would fold under his dour glare and stern words, he can be quite scary at times. That generally reduces anyone into a shivering, crying mess that will not bring up the things that displeases him. This is usually the second-last resort to anything.

Perhaps you're a fierce animal lover and have a strong portfolio of being a cat or dog owner. You wouldn't give your beloved four legged friends up for the world, you will fight for them till your very last breath. Someone with unbreakable maternal/paternal instincts towards your precious fur babies. Giving them up is not in the equation.

Well, he is not above traumatizing you for life.

When push comes to shove, you might find your trusted non-human companions betraying you by lacerating your extremities to the point of no repair. Puncturing your throat with its sharp canines and claws, leaving you to breathe on a ventilator while Yves takes care of you in the hospital.

Or he could direct the attack to someone else, make you liable for lasting damages and having to put your seemingly rabid pets down. You would also have to live with the guilt of knowing you're mainly responsible for disfiguring that poor child's face, changing his life for the worse, just because you "didn't" train them well.

He warned you not to test him. Yves has been lenient and his patience has reached its limits. He may love you and want the best for you, but he is also very, very selfish.

[mythicalgeek]

The Dark Crystal Age Of Resistance is a tragically underrated work of art.

If your a fan of fantasy like Lord of the rings, Harry Potter and Star Wars please give The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance a watch.

Its a prequel series to the 80s movie and it's one of the best fantasy shows in recent years and goes back to classic fairytales and mythical storytelling.

Everything is mostly done with practical effects and only uses CGI where it's really necessary. The show also brings back puppetry and even though none of the character's are humans there's more humanity in this show than most media we get today.

The world of thra is a magical and strange place that you find yourself immersed in, with all the creatures and beuaty of the natural world at full display you find yourself encanted by it.

The gelfings are really adorable and you can't help but care about them, the main three protagonists have well flushed out personalities and each one has a interesting journey they go on that lead them to start the resistance and the quest to save there world.

The Skekies are really creepy and make for some pretty great villains. There motivation and interactions are giving just as much time as the heros, they rule thra with cruelty and manipulation, stealing the live force of the planet and the then the gelfing. There some of the most terrifying villains we've gottan in the last few years and I gotta say, I was absolutely horrifying by them.

This show does a lot of things right and one of them is how it writes the female characters. Deet and Brea (the two female leads) are very feminine heroines who are kind, empathetic, intuitive, clever and strong without it being showed in our faeces. Even when the female characters are warriors or soldiers there femininity is not devalued or see as a weakness. We also have more complex characters like Seledon and the gelfing leaders (who are all female) and it's just so nice to have a fantasy show that handels the female reputation so beautifully.

At the same time the male character's are also written with the same amount of care and respect, for example Rian (the main male lead) is a soldier who after finding out the truth about the skekies, is faced with the hard challenge of spreading the truth while dealing with loss and trauma, we see plenty of moments where his aloud to be vulnerable and we see him grow into a strong leader for the resistance.

We also have Hup who even though he is a side character, is a lovable podling who steals every sence he's in. He dreams of becoming a hero and has such a heartwarming friendship with Deet it's hard not to love him and want more of him.

All the relationships between the gelfing feel so intimate and pure, wheater there familial, platonic or romantic the show gives us so many beautifully written relationship and dynamics, that add to the emotional core of the story.

There's also some political drama with the gelfling clans and the skekies as they try to hold on to there power, it's done in a way that both kid's and adults can follow.

The action is surprisingly good for show with only puppets, we have sowrd fights, flying gelfings dropping booms, wild carriage rides and it's really exciting and done well.

There is only 1 season unfortunately but it's still worth the watch, I do have to warn everyone that there is a lot of scary and truely horrifying moments so if your sensitive maybe give this a pass, but there's a balance between the dark and whimsical and there's so many funny and sweet moment's that allow you two catch your breath.

This series is a hidden gem in the world of fantasy and that's a dame shame because it is everything you could whant from a epic fantasy story that we just dont see a lot of anymore.

I like shows like The Witcher and Rings of power but none of those shows have captured my imagination or sense of wonder like the dark crystal aor did. I have so much love for this beautiful, weird, creepy, wonderful, magical puppet show and I wish it got more recognition for the work of art it truly is.

The Dark Crystal Age Of Resistance is pure magic and deserve so much more attention. It's on Netflix so check it out if your looking for some good fantasy.

[mbtiinteractions]

Pets for each MBTI type

INTJ : Praying Mantis

With its unmistakable death stare, cautious predatory immobility and elegant, solitary behaviour, added to its cold, robotic movements, mantis perfectly match with INTJ’s personality.

Pros : needs a few space, doesn’t eat a lot (like two insects twice a week), temperature and humidity conditions easy to maintain, fun to watch hunting (if you've got three hours to kill)

Cons : lives only 1 year, can’t be kept in group (unless you want to cause a massacre), needs live preys

INTP : Pacman Frog

Lazy, often nocturnal (but often with weird sleep schedule), usually half-buried in the soil, unmoving, and hating the company of other frogs, this is the perfect pet for INTPs.

Pros : does not require a great deal of care or a lot of space, is quiet (unless you annoy it), doesn’t need to be fed often (once a week when it’s adult), wouldn't try to socialize with you

Cons : sometimes try to eat your fingers, has some temperature/hygrometry requirements, needs live preys

INFJ : Leaf Insect

Discreet, blending in with the background, moving only slightly to avoid being noticed – yet mysterious and beautiful, stick or leaf insects could be the strange and silent companions of INFJ.

Pros : eats leafs (easy to find), is quiet, does not require a lot of space, temperature and humidity conditions easy to maintain, is cheap, very easy to breed (by parthenogenesis)

Cons : lives only 1 year, sometimes hard to be found in its terrarium, doesn't understand metaphysical discussions

INFP : Tortoise

Slow, shy, a little clumsy but absolutely adorable and surprisingly endearing, tortoises are somehow similar to INFP ; just like them, they can get easily scared and sometimes hide into their shells.

Pros : is very calm, lives for many years, eats fresh vegetables, is really cute (I mean, look at it, isn’t it one of the cutest things you’ve ever seen ?)

Cons : needs a lot of space, a lighting and a heating system (it’s very sensitive to temperature variations), is solitary, can enter into hibernation, can easily get health issues

ENTP : Rats

Because no sane person would ever think of adopting rats, this is the best choice for ENTPs. Actually, rats are really smart, playful, sociable and affectionate, capable of learning some funny tricks !

Pros : are easy to keep, would adapt their sleep schedule to stay as long as possible with their human, are cheap, omnivorous, will terrify people who are scared of rats, eat their own faeces (I mean, now that’s taking recycling seriously !)

Cons : live only 3 years, too gregarious to be kept alone (but beware of adopting a male/female couple, they would have too many babies), must have toys in their cage or they'd get bored

ENFP : Cockatoo

Weird, funny, incredibly curious and gifted, cockatoos can be both the most cute and the most annoying pets - ENFPs, what are you waiting for ? Adopt cockatoos !

Pros : has a long lifespan (several decades), is really smart and endearing, can learn human speaking, is funny, affectionate and friendly with humans

Cons : expensive, needs a lot of space, needs a diverse and varied diet (fruits, seeds, vegetables...), needs constant attention, is LOUD (but I don't think this one is actually a con for ENFPs...)

ENTJ : Ants

Have you always dreamed of being a ruler, a god ? Of having an army, a whole people entirely depending on your wise decisions ? With an ants colony, that dream will come true : you'll finally become the absolute master of many living beings !

Pros : reasonably affordable (highly depending on the spieces), do not need a lot of space (only an appropriate terrarium) and a lot of food, won't discuss your orders

Cons : can escape and invade home, won't necessarily understand all of your war strategy commands

ENFJ : Mini Pig

Smart, cute, empathetic and endearing, pigs living with their ENFJ human friend won't have to fear ending up as sausages !

Pros : original pet, is really friendly with humans, can eat the same food as you, contrary to popular belief is clean and intelligent, affordable price

Cons : needs enough space to live happily (a garden), often needs to be adopted in pairs, needs to be educated (as dogs for example)

ISTJ : Hamster

Meticulous, quiet and mostly odour-free : hamsters have many qualities that certainly may arouse ISTJs' interrest. Plus, they are extremely cute and some of them are even cuddly !

Pros : cheap, won't need a lot of space (1.5 m² at least), enjoy repetitive tasks such as organising their piles of food, tidying their nest, running in their wheel...

Cons : live only 3 years, can't be kept together (because they would fight for their territory), are nocturnal, eat their own faeces

ISTP : Cat

Do I need to explain ?

Pros : won't give a single fuck

Cons : won't give a single fuck

ISFJ : Rabbit

Cuddly, cute, cuddly, did I already say cute ? Rabbits are very expressive and need to be cared for, to be cocooned in gentleness so that they don't get anxious !

Pros : live about 10 years, are cuddly, soft, will communicate with you (body language + sounds)

Cons : need space (a garden), reproduce very quickly, can be easily stressed

ISFP : Canary Bird

These little artists spend their time singing, and often display bright, varied and enjoyable colours !

Pros : relatively cheap, easy to take care of, can live up to 10 years, pretty colours and sing nicely

Cons : need company (adopt 2 birds if you can’t spend time with them) but can display an agressive behaviour if two males are set together, don’t like to be touched a lot

ESFP : Budgies

Loud and incredibly gregarious, these little parrots can actually learn several words and will always keep you company. Their whole life is a party !

Pros : cheap, live about 8 years, easy to take care of, all but boring, very friendly with any living being (sometimes even with cats and dogs), will play with anything and nibble everything in sight (mostly your hair and earrings).... both smart and dumb little birds

Cons : need company (if you don’t have time for them, adopt at least 2 budgies), can get really, REALLY noisy and sometimes chaotically mischievous

ESTP : Ferret

A little hyperactive, annoying brat who’ll never miss a chance to make a mess of your personal things !

Pros : funny, friendly and playful, smart and can be potty-trained – plus really cute !

Cons : not the easiest pet to be taken care of, subject to illnesses if kept in bad conditions, males can be agressive, will quickly degrade your personal property if you don’t watch them

ESTJ : Goldfish

You’re busy with your work and don’t have time to put pressure on take care of a pet ? Then, an aquarium with some fancy goldfishes is the best option to display your love of animals without taking up too much of your precious time !

Pros : silent, won’t disrespectfully discuss your orders kind advices, actually pretty smart (contrary to the popular belief), great as an office decoration (but need enough space : chose an appropriately-sized aquarium, or they’ll get sick and you’ll have to pay for sick leave see a vet)

Cons : are often misunderstood : goldfishes aren’t dumb memoryless animals, they need enough space, not a small circular aquarium (their normal lifespan is about 15 years, but they often live much less because of bad keeping conditions), have some specific temperature, pH and sanitation requirements (and therefore appropriate equipments)

ESFJ : Dog

Are all ESFJs dogs, or are all dogs ESFJs ? That’s really a good question.

Pros and Cons : pretty much the same as an ESFJ child

(nah, seriously : inform yourself before adopting a dog, or any other animal for that matter!)

[envihellbender]

What would the successful Last Feast look like?

Rating: Explicit

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Characters: Jared Hopworth, John Haan, Monster Pig

Content: gore, bodily fluids, extreme weight gain, animal death, cannibalism

Summary: The UK succumbs to the flesh

—

Jared Hopworth may cause the Last Feast in Istanbul, but it’s the Magnus Institute in London he decides to build the centre of his new world. When it begins, the blue of the sky fades. It becomes grey before turning to the yellow of pus, there’s a strange fractal pattern across it that’s only visible without a telescope when a strange electricity pulses through it. The ground becomes soft and wet, it almost seems to breathe. Flowers aren’t flowers anymore, petals are like skin and they smell of meat. The only respite from feeling as if you’re being marched towards the Killing Floor is if another Fear takes an interest in you.

In place of the Panopticon would be the Abattoir, except instead of towering over all of London, the entire capital city has turned into the horrifying palace of bones, blood, visceral, fat, and muscle. From the outside it’s a gigantic grey building with chimneys that go far beyond the sky, pumping out foul smelling smoke that covers the entire country. There are gigantic metal doors that open automatically to welcome in their guests, the walls inside are covered in flesh and muscle, pulsing and pumping constantly. The first rooms you see are the Flesh Avatars that have happily embraced their new place. John Haan can be found chopping up the victims of the flesh, the ones who stumbled into the Abattoir or who were in London when the Last Feast began. He had his own Killing Floor now, the zombie of his son Tom dutifully bringing him more humans to be toyed with, eaten, or fed to the Boneturner.

If you go down to the pens where the livestock is kept, be careful not to vomit because it’s like catnip to the ruler of the pens. In each one are shaking, sobbing victims, fat with hormones being pumped into their body and covered in their own urine and faeces. In the centre of the hall is sat the most gigantic hog than could possibly have existed outside of the Abattoir. The pig could have crushed Buckingham Palace underneath its behind and its breasts and head are hidden through its gigantic gut. If you were able to climb a top of it, you’d see a grotesque beast, a neck roll that swelled and caused a fat head to sink into it with a snout poking out. As his useless arms can’t lift themselves, and his trotters are pathetic stubs, the building brings his meals to him. The pulsing meat on the walls dragging and passing him down the line until they reach the gaping maw of the sow.

In the heart of the building is the Flesh Garden, where rests Jared Hopworth, or what was Jared Hopworth. Now he’s The Boneturner. If you’re unlucky enough to reach his flesh garden, the first thing you would see was a table, a long, wide table covered in rotting carcasses. Cadavers that have maggots crawling in them but are still being left to be feasted on by The Boneturner. If time still worked, it would take the time to walk to the head of the table as it would to walk from one side of the London to the other. What you will see however is tendrils, so many tendrils. Some of them are pink and pulsing, they’re humming as if they’re pumping a substance towards something. Others are hard white bones with sharp edges that follow the same route as the others.

The denizens of The Abattoir and the Flesh Garden exist to serve the Boneturner, all of the flesh that is shredded from those who enter is fed to him eventually, and the bones are added to his own. Few actually see the ruler of this new world, and only the unlucky are given the opportunity. He isn’t recognisable as anything that was ever remotely human anymore. The fleshy tendrils have sharp teeth when they reach their ends which sink into The Boneturner’s skin and cling to him, pumping him full of all the fat and viscera in the Abattoir. The ones they tangle around, that are hard and white as bone are the man himself, he has become so full of bones that they pierced his muscles and skin. Parts of him have tons of bones forced into gigantic mounds of fat, but the ones that don’t have flesh to cover them simply split his skin open and keep growing. Everything in this new world exists to feed, sustain, and add to his collection.

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Gentile. | Chapter 3

Your boredom prompts you to market, where you find a possible friend and concerning unrest.

Chapter list

Your inkwell is running low but not for the right reasons. Tearing yet another page out of your journal, you crumple it up into a ball and toss it somewhere into the room to join the other failed poems, your mind too hazy to formulate a properly sounding sentence.

Giving up for today, you decide to check up on Quintus, who has buried himself yet again in his work, still unsatisfied with how things are going around the fishing village. You enter his office with bated breath, hoping to find him in a mood that is not too foul, for it has happened more than once that a bowl of olives was hurled your way upon your entrance. 

The Praetor seems just concentrated today, though, and you let out a relieved sigh whilst approaching him, catching his attention almost immediately.

“Hello, darling.” He wears a rare, true smile on his features, and you wonder what has gotten him in such a good mood. “How are you today?”

“Frankly, I am uninspired,” you confess, allowing him to beckon you closer and pull you into his lap. He brushes some (h/c) hair behind your ear and taps your nose with his finger. Fickle as his mood tends to be, he is strangely chipper. You are curious to know what has brought him in such good spirits, but as if he can read your mind, he enlightens you with the news before you even have to ask about it.

“One thing around this wretched city seems to be going well. Oh, (Y/n), truly, I am not even exaggerating!” - you would be the judge of that -  “The tax collector here, I haven’t met the guy and do not plan to do so, but I have rarely seen such an organised list of all that’s been levied! Ha! My darling, I feel like the next paycheck is going to be fat, and what I’m thinking is that you and I are going out for a nice dinner, hm?”

You force a smile on your features and adjust his cloak, patting him on the chest before pushing yourself off, or at least you try to, for his grip on your back is like iron. He keeps you in his lap, snaking his other hand around your waist. “Pilate will be proud, don’t you think so?”

When you don’t reply and Quintus raises a questioning eyebrow, you soon nod. “Oh, yes, I’m certain he will be.” 

He leans up to press his mouth against yours in a kiss that feels clinical at best and you cut it short before he can get his hands under your tunic. Once apart, you get up from his lap and pat his shoulder, telling him that he should get back to his work.

“A break won’t hurt, my dearest.” he muses with a grin, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Tell you what. Why don’t you go and head over to the market for a bit? Let’s see, ah, Marcus, could you be my wife’s chaperone whilst she goes to visit the market? Here, why don’t you treat yourself to something nice?” 

Before you can protest, Quintus slides a pouch of denarii into your pocket, and determining by the weight of it you don’t even dare ask how much is in there. 

Marcus awaits you patiently on the threshold and knows better than to start a conversation, just giving you a small bow as well with the request as to where you would like to go after stepping outside of the residence.

Your answer, however, raises his brow, and he hopes that the Praetor has not heard it.

“The local market, please.”

“It’s very busy today,” Marcus tries to change your mind, “Lots of Jews roaming about. If I were you, I’d avoid it altogether and send out one of your maids to get you fresh produce.”

“I’d like to see it for myself, thank you very much.”

He takes a deep breath. “But ma’am, the ground is filthy with mud and faeces. Think about your tunic…” 

You take the linen between your fingers. “This old thing?” you scoff, and Marcus realises that you will not reconsider. He sighs and escorts you without further delay, allowing you your first real sight of Capernaum.

The village is bustling with life, with merchants from far and wide attempting to sell their goods for prices criminally low, desperation visible in their sunken eyes. The sharp stench of rotting fish causes your eyes to water, but it does not abhor you to turn back to the safe comfort of your home.

Marcus had not been lying when he said that the roads were soiled, but you pay it no mind, nor do you care about the hem of your robe becoming soaked with an unfamiliar substance whilst walking past an animal pen. Your escort keeps a close eye on you as you pass by a cart loaded with hay, and puts his hand on the handle of his sword when a blind lady grabs the end of your Palla, grasping hopelessly at the fabric.

“Please,” she begs, “Oh, do you have something? One denarius, please! Please!”

“Back off!” Marcus spits her way, voice dripping with malice, and he pushes her back before you can stop him. 

“Hey, quit that!” you whimper, reaching for your pocket, “You back off, Marcus!”

Your chastisement has him step away, his face falling in slight shame. “I apologise, ma’am, I—”

“I am not the one you should apologise to.” you bite his way, and even though you do not expect him to act on it, it is enough to have him shut his mouth and the blind woman to crack the smallest of smiles. You drop five denarii in her cup and the chime of it makes her grin widen, and she takes hold of your hand firmly.

“Thank you,” she whispers, “I’ve been so hungry. Thank you.”

Even though she cannot see it, you smile at her, squeezing her hand before she lets you go. 

You walk away, a few curious eyes on you, and you cower a little under the attention. Marcus is close behind you, extra alert now that you have shown your ostentatious wealth to the folk around. 

The sight of fresh fruit suddenly tickles your fancy upon turning the corner, and you go to purchase some olives for Quintus, choose some dried prunes and apricots for yourself, until your eye falls on a small box of sugared figs, your mouth watering at the sight. “I’ll have one of those, please.”

The seller is glad to be of service and throws in a handful of walnuts as a gift. “Keep the change,” you tell him in return, even though the money he owes you back is of way greater value than the amount of nuts he has dropped into your back, but you don’t mind.

“That man just charged you double for that box of figs,” Marcus hisses behind you. “I know it is not my place, ma’am, but it is my duty to protect you from being cheated.”

You stroll further with a shrug, prying open the small wooden box, chewing your bottom lip at the smell of the candied figs soon filling your senses.

“Do you think that Quintus and I will go hungry over a denarius or two?”

He looks at you with slight disbelief as you pop one of the fruits into your mouth and crack the sugar with your teeth, closing your eyes in enjoyment. “Mmm, that’s good.”

“They’re… They’re Jews !” Marcus implores you. 

“So?”

“They’d slit your throat in cold blood before you could even eat another one of these figs.”

You sniff at his shallow attitude and hold out the box towards him. “Want one?” Not wanting trouble with your husband, he takes one without much protest, and he chews down on it as you walk on further over the market.

The next stall that catches your attention contains blooming flowers in all colours imaginable. A bright young woman makes eye contact with you and you smile, a gesture that has her frowning in surprise even though she soon mirrors it. 

“ Shalom !” she greets you, a word that you still have to grow accustomed to, “Would you like to buy some flowers?”

You nod and inspect the blooms with great scrutiny. “I’ve just moved into a new home,” you clarify, “I am thinking something that represents love, but not red.”

“Coming right up!” she chimes.

Whilst she searches for some flowers and gathers them in her basket, you take in her appearance. She is obviously not from around here, clad in a toned shade of red. A beautiful headpiece forged from either brass or gold is perched on her head and a necklace made from beads sits around her neck.

“How about these,” she questions, showing you a bouquet of pink wild garlic blossoms, lilac Jerusalem autumn crocus, some rose-coloured Bristly Hollock and blue lupin, with a few Syrian cornflowers peeping through.

“It looks exquisite,” you breathe, already taking the pouch of talents to grab the amount necessary. The woman blinks at you slowly in disbelief when you drop way more than needed into the palm of her hand and once again refuse the change she tries to give you.

She shakes her head slowly whilst you prop the bouquet of flowers into the crook of your arm to keep upright the blossoms. “I can’t take this,” she says, “This is more than a week’s pay.”

“I do not need it.” you dare to tell her in all honesty, “You seem like a good woman. Spend it well.”

Tears spring into her eyes and she swallows thickly, her bottom lip starting to tremble as she speaks up. “My friend, he’s… He’s paralysed. This will buy him enough pain medicine to last him a month!”

Your throat grows tight and you force back the lump that forms there, showing her a watery smile. “Then it will end up in a good place. Thank you for the flowers, ma’am.”

You ignore Marcus as he attempts to complain about your reckless shopping spree whilst the woman calls after you with glee in her voice, “No, thank you! I will not forget this kindness!”

Another sugared fig disappears into your mouth as you turn to Marcus with a sweet smile, innocent as dew itself. “I think I’m done shopping for today.”

“I must insist you to take back the money they owe you, ma’am, otherwise your husband will–”

“Relax, Marcus.” you tell him. “Quintus will not notice. Your reputation will not be harmed, I’ll make sure—”

A cry of agony from the alleyway on your left causes the words to get stuck in your throat, and Marcus lunges forwards at once, drawing his sword to keep you safe from any harm by throwing himself between you and the noise.

Shouts unfold and bounce against the walls, a fight breaking loose.

“Go, go!” Marcus urges, and you nearly slip in the mud as you hurry back towards the safer quarter of the city.

“What’s going on?” you query, but are not given a response. 

Dust flying up with every quickened step, you make your way back to the place you called your home, an unidentified feeling starting to grow in the pit of your stomach at the sound of ruckus behind you, becoming distant as Marcus escorts you back.

“What was that about?” you once again ask, but Marcus lets nothing go, instead hurries further up the road. “I demand that you inform me of what is going on!”

Your words fall on deaf ears and you arrive at your husband’s office, where your chaperone disappears to speak to a few of his peers as well as his captain, and a few immediately move out together with the one you recognise as Gaius. 

Entering the chamber where Quintus is scribbling away on a piece of parchment, you clear your throat and cause him to look up with a raised brow. 

“Hm? Oh, good to see you again.” He seems unaware of what had unfolded in the fishing village mere minutes ago, even though you yourself aren’t entirely sure of what had been going on either. “Did you get anything nice?”

You approach him and put the leather pouch with remaining denarii on the surface of his desk. He takes it wordlessly, momentarily weighing it in his palm. “Good deal out of there. What did you get?”

“Sugared figs,” you admit buying the delicacy that is still sticking to the roof of your mouth, “And these,” You show him the flowers, which he does not seem to care about, instead keeps looking at you with a raised brow, until you reach into the basket on your arm and take out the small container of olives you have bought him.

“Almost forgetting the most important part.” you try to jest and he smiles a little, humming in acknowledgement and careful appreciation, opening the lid and having a taste. His gaze positively softens as he bites down into the salty fruit, a grin tugging at the corner of his lip.

He nods, “These are beautiful, darling. Thank you.” A rare word of gratitude. He spits the pit into the cup on his desk and looks at you expectantly. “Anything else? Was it eventful at all?”

“That’s it,” you lie, not wanting to alarm him about the disturbance taking place right when you were about to head home, “Nothing worth mentioning.”

“In that case, if you don’t mind, I will be joining you for supper later today. I still have work to do. Oh, and while you’re at it, please do change into a clean tunic. You smell like a sheepcote.”

For a moment, your gaze falls to the dirty hem of your tunic, reckoning that he must be right. You excuse yourself, heading back to the residence unescorted for once, most soldiers called to assist in the village itself. 

Despite your curiosity, you head inside the house, give your flowers to a servant to put them into an ornamental vase, and head up to the washroom to take a bath, washing off the dirt and allowing your mind to wander to what the commotion in the city could have been about.

Chapter list

[carlimuja]

Pest Control Services: The Defenders of Commercial Spaces

Welcome to the battle of the bugs, where pest control services swoop in to save the day in the commercial world. In this no-nonsense guide, we'll delve into the world of pest management and commercial pest control services in Singapore, armed with the knowledge you need to protect your business. Let's exterminate those pesky pests!

1. Pest Management: The Shield Against Invaders

Pest management is like the shield that guards the realm of commercial spaces from unwanted invaders. It's all about keeping the creepy crawlies at bay so that your business can thrive. Here's why it's crucial:

2. The Pests Are Sneaky

Pests can be as sneaky as a fox in a henhouse. They infiltrate commercial spaces silently, often unnoticed until it's too late. That's where pest management steps in, keeping a watchful eye for any unwanted guests.

3. Commercial Pest Control Services: The Heroes of Hygiene

When pests invade, it's time to call in the professionals – the commercial pest control services in Singapore. They are the unsung heroes who battle the bugs, rodents, and other pests that threaten your business's cleanliness and reputation.

4. Don't Let Pests Be Your Business Partners

Imagine having pests as silent business partners – it's not a partnership anyone would want. Pests can damage property, contaminate food, and even scare away customers. Commercial pest control services ensure your business doesn't suffer from such unwanted partnerships.

5. The Perks of Professional Pest Control

Professional pest control services come with a host of benefits for commercial spaces:

Thorough Inspections: Pest control experts conduct comprehensive inspections to identify existing infestations and potential problem areas.

Customised Solutions: They tailor their pest control strategies to your business's specific needs, ensuring a precise and effective approach.

Eco-Friendly Options: Many pest control services offer eco-friendly solutions, minimising harm to the environment while eliminating pests.

6. The Battle of the Bugs: Types of Pest Control

Pest control services in Singapore employ various methods to vanquish pests, including:

Chemical Control: Using pesticides to target and eliminate pests.

Biological Control: Introducing natural predators or pathogens to control pest populations.

Physical Control: Using traps, barriers, or other physical means to remove pests.

Cultural Control: Implementing practices like proper sanitation and waste management to deter pests.

7. Pest Control Listicles: Top Tips for a Pest-Free Business

Now that you've dipped your toes into the world of pest management, let's dive deeper with some quick listicles to help you maintain a pest-free business environment:

Top 5 Common Commercial Pests to Watch Out For

Cockroaches - The ultimate survivors.

Rodents - The sneakiest of them all.

Ants - The tiny but determined invaders.

Flies - The winged nuisances that spread disease.

Termites - The silent destroyers of property.

Top 3 Signs of a Pest Infestation

Droppings or faeces - A telltale sign of unwanted guests.

Gnaw marks - Pests often leave behind evidence of their presence.

Unusual smells - Strange odours may indicate a hidden infestation.

Top 4 Tips for Preventing Pest Infestations

Maintain cleanliness - Regular cleaning reduces pest attraction.

Seal entry points - Close gaps and cracks to keep pests out.

Proper storage - Store food and supplies in pest-proof containers.

Regular inspections - Stay vigilant and catch infestations early.

Conclusion: Protect Your Commercial Kingdom

In the world of business, cleanliness is indeed next to profitability. Pest management and commercial pest control services in Singapore are the champions of hygiene, ensuring your commercial kingdom remains pest-free.

Don't let pests tarnish your business's reputation. Take action today by enlisting the help of professional pest control services. Safeguard your commercial space, keep pests at bay, and ensure a clean and inviting environment for customers and employees alike. Remember, in the battle against pests, it's better to be safe than sorry! Visit Ridpest for a powerful pest control solution to your workplace!

[scishowtangentspoems]

Fish

One fish, two fish,

more like thirty thousand species,

they're in all kinds of water,

floating with their faeces.

There's guppies, and hammerheads with their furrowed brows,

they're squishy, or boney, or their phosphorescence wows.

Some use gills to breathe, jaws to eat,

fins to speed them up instead of feet,

scales for protection, eggs for reproduction,

remoras even have a special head for suction.

But then monkfish and hagfish seem to break all the rules,

using land or oozing slime, and not swimming in schools.

They've had hundreds of millions of years to change,

so it's no wonder that so many fish are so super strange.

So from a little goldfish in a bowl, to two tunas in the sea,

just know they share an ancestor with Will Smith and Angelina Jolie.

- Ceri Riley

[indpack2023]

What is a dry toilet?

As opposed to conventional ("liquid" or "chemical") toilets, dry Portable toilets don't use water.

These waterless toilets simply use a litter (sawdust or wood shavings, straw, ashes, dead leaves, or even earth) with which each user covers his or her faeces and urine.

Vegetable matter prevents the fermentation of organic matter and enables a composting process that can even be used as fertilizer.

How are conventional RV toilets emptied? For a conventional cassette toilet system, you need to go to a service center to empty your motorhome. The great advantage of dry toilets is that you can bury the contents of the bucket in nature, provided you meet a few conditions. We'll talk more about these below.

Chemical toilet products from Thetford, Dometic… Composting toilets do not require the addition of chemical products, as is the case with cassette toilets and their various products (sachets, bottles…) of all colors.

Is it a "dry toilet" or a "dry toilet"? A toilet or a toilet? Strange as it may seem to some, the question is on the minds of many. We think it's because we frequently use the plural to refer to… toilets. And so we often speak of "the toilet".

But "toilet" is a feminine term! In fact, with the exception of "Squelette", all words ending in "ette" in French are feminine.

We're talking about a "toilette-sèche", not a "toilette sec"!

[fortressofserenity]

Geek anti-intellectualism

That’s been brought up before, but it bears repeating when it comes to people who tear down actual experts. I feel this is the worst sort of anti-intellectualism, if because it involves tearing down somebody who knows more than you do. Especially in something you’re passionate about, I know somebody who’s like this towards the Coppingers when it comes to dogs.

Even if the Coppingers made mistakes in their observations, I still think the more romantic dog domestication theories don’t hold up well when it comes to owned dogs not just roaming freely but also scavenging on faeces and corpses when given the opportunity and chance. I think this would’ve been inevitable in history, as there weren’t any toilets, let alone those we recognise them as they are today.

Even today, toilets can take on a variety of forms ranging from flush todays to squat toilets (where you squat around and let your body take its course), but even more disturbing is that some people defecate in the open. Then again, it would’ve been inevitable in history as toilets didn’t exist yet. Then you have dogs scavenging on corpses, which makes their association with the underworld very appropriate.

Strange as it sounds, it seems the ancients were content with that as evidenced in earlier mythologies linking dogs to the dead and ghosts like Cerberus in Greek mythology. I guess some people object to this, possibly because it clashes with the way they know things. Even if it’s true, some people will chastise them. Either that or the truth’s not always a nice one.

Then again, it is a form of geek anti-intellectualism to bash experts just because they came to a different conclusion. Even though the experts have far more experience in that matter, going so far to use scientific methods to deduce what they’re doing and observing. It’s like if a fashionista starts bashing a seamstress a lot, even if the seamstress knows the fashion industry far better than they do.

They know what it’s like to sew and sell for a living, as well as whatever patterns, colours, fabrics and the like are trendy this season. To bash the seasoned expert, for them, is to tear them down real badly in search of whatever faults they have. I was guilty of this before, but I feel this is one of the worst examples of geek anti-intellectualism I’ve ever encountered.

Maybe not necessarily geeky, but still worse than one realises. Especially if it’s a case of what I like to call knowledge envy, being jealous of somebody who knows way more than you do for all their faults. Anti-intellectualism is curable, but geek anti-intellectualism’s more like a disease that requires specialised care and medication. Especially if the sufferer thinks they know more than experts do.

Even if their theories can’t be backed up by either actual tried and true studies or scientific method, especially if it’s based on a rather isolated incident while some of the dog studies I’ve read involve multiple dogs.

[schoolsnearme]

Science Facts For Kids That They Didn’t Know

Best School in HSR Layout

The natural curiosity of our children makes them sponges for information. Enjoy some science-related entertainment with them! Check out these unique science facts for youngsters, which cover anything from strange bug phenomena to fascinating space knowledge to intriguing features of the human body.. Your lunchbox notes have just become geeky!

Did you know that your heart beats 3,600 times in an hour.

The number of cells in the human body is around 100 trillion.

Carbon dioxide is exhaled and oxygen is inhaled by humans. Carbon dioxide is absorbed by plants, who then turn it into oxygen.

Baby teeth and adult teeth are present throughout a person’s lifetime in almost all mammals, including humans. However, reptiles can have a lot more sets—a crocodile, for example, can have 50 sets of teeth and then develop 3,000 new ones!

The temperature of the Earth’s inner core is 10,832 degrees Fahrenheit, while that of its outer core is just 6,872 degrees.

The length of 3.35 lightsabers is ten feet. A stack of 16 “Harry Potter” volumes, a tower made of 318 Lego bricks, and a giraffe with a 6-foot neck can all fit inside of it.

The weight of 1,600 human eyeballs, 5,465 balloons used for celebrations, and 412,375 bees are all 100 pounds. Do you wish to learn more? You’ll have a tonne of fun with the weird units converter from the Omni Calculator Project. You can type in different weights, heights, and distances to get the equal of random things.

In 1971, astronaut Alan Shepard of Apollo 14 played golf on the moon! He travelled with a golf club, two golf balls, and other accessories. The club is currently on exhibit in the Liberty Corner, New Jersey location of the USGA Golf Museum and Library. Still on the moon are the two golf balls.

The element phosphorus is present in several minerals and rocks in addition to the faeces of birds and bats. And it has a garlicky odour.

As a distinctive bottom feeder, the tripod fish (Bathypterois grallator) consumes food from the lower layers of its habitat, or the ocean floor. The pelvis and tail fins of the tripod fish have rigid rays that serve as stilts. It positions itself on the stilts so that it is facing the stream, opens its mouth wide, and consumes all that is in its path!

The Hercules beetle (Dynastes hercules), according to scientists, is capable of lifting up to 850 times its own weight. A Hercules beetle can theoretically lift 255 pounds because it typically weighs between.28 and 0.30 pounds.

When a tomato plant is attacked by a caterpillar, the tomato plant starts to create methyl jasmonate, which really is poisonous to caterpillars.

The Malapteruridae family of electric catfish contains an organ that generates an electric protective shield that will zap any approaching predator. The shock is sufficient to kill smaller prey and discourage predators.

More than 20% of the freshwater on the planet’s surface is contained in the Great Lakes (almost 5,400 cubic miles of water).

Approximately 22,352 steps equal a distance of ten miles. Additionally, it is the same length as 24,759 baguettes (delicious!) and 8,794 elephant trunks laid end to end.

One tonne of carbon dioxide, or the weight of two large pianos or a sizable walrus, can be stored by a tree that is 40 years old.

A female sunfish (Mola Mola) has the capacity to produce up to 300 million eggs in her lifetime.

Titan arum (Amorphophallus titanum), a blooming plant, can reach a height of 12 feet. It only blooms once every four to five years, but when it does, the bloom smells like rotten meat (no wonder why it’s nicknamed as the corpse flower).

The majority of scientists concur that humans and dogs have been comrades in hunting for over 14,000 years.

The resurrection fern (Pleopeltis polypodioides), which can be entirely dried out for up to 100 years, can seemingly come back to life when moistened. (Anyone for a zombie fern?)

On Pluto, six million hours would be comparable to 2.76 years.

The largest bat on Earth, the huge flying fox (Pteropus vampyrus), with a wing span of up to five feet. But don’t panic, these large fruit bats prefer to sip flower nectar and consume fruits rather than blood.

The hollowed-out teeth of a rattlesnake are what deliver the poison to its prey.

The world’s softest mineral, talc, can break apart in your hands. The hardest mineral is diamond.

Scientists need a drill to pierce the exoskeleton of the ironclad beetle (Zopherus nodulosus haldemani) even after it has died since the exoskeleton is so hard that predators cannot even bite through it.

[villageandcottage]

Woodworm Dust – Everything You Need to Know 

For property owners looking to protect their precious timber, woodworm isn’t always an easy household pest to spot. That being said, it’s fortunate that these hungry bugs do leave a few tell-tale signs.

Is Woodworm Dust The Same as Frass?

Yes, Woodworm dust is also known as ‘frass’ or ‘bore dust’, is one such signal that you may have woodworm larvae burrowing around in your home. 

The appearance of this wood shaving-like deposit could indicate an active woodworm infestation, or a historic one. But what is it made from? Is it harmful? And what can we tell from its appearance? Here we’ll be answering everything you need to know about this strange, powdery residue. 

Does Woodworm Leave Dust?

Woodworm deposits, or frass as its often referred to, may look like small piles of household dust, but they’re in fact mostly made up of excrement from woodworm beetle larvae. These tiny, wood shaving-like fragments are usually a mixture of discarded wood pieces and timber that has been ingested and then passed through the burrowing woodworm.

The term frass is actually a more general term used to describe the faeces or deposits left by various types of insect. It can also include dead skin and egg casings, depending on the species. Pest-controllers can even tell which insect pests may be present based on the appearance of frass. So what can we tell from woodworm dust? 

What Does Woodworm Dust Look Like? 

Woodworm dust is usually a light, sandy colour. It can look like small piles of tiny woodshavings, as if someone has recently drilled through a piece of timber and failed to clean up afterwards. 

Under a magnifying lens you might notice that the miniscule pellets that make up much of this woodworm frass are cream in colour and slightly oval in shape.

These are the faecal pellets from digested wood that has passed through the larvae. If you rub the dust between your fingers it can feel a bit gritty, but best to wash your hands afterwards! 

Woodworm dust appears after it falls out of exit holes, or bore holes, left by the burrowing woodworm larvae or newly developed beetle.

As the larvae tunnels through the wood, it eats, digests, or tears off and discards tiny fragments of the material. If holes are made in the exterior of the wood, some of this powdery trail of destruction can fall out. 

For this reason, woodworm frass will often appear below the area of infected wood or near to exterior holes that have been left by the bug.

Woodworm dust can fall out of these holes either when a beetle creates a new exit hole or when woodworm larvae are burrowing across existing networks of woodworm tunnels and old exit holes. 

Brighter, lighter woodworm dust can indicate that it has been produced more recently. This in turn makes it more likely that you have a live infestation on your hands and that you may need to take steps to remove it.

Older, greyer, or ‘dirtier’ looking frass could potentially be residue left over from a now extinct infestation. Depending on whether fresh frass is appearing, you may or may not have a current woodworm issue. 

Is Woodworm Dust Dangerous?

The fact that woodworm dust is predominantly faecal matter from larvae may not be pleasant, but there are no strong indications that it’s harmful or toxic to humans. Similarly, household pets are unlikely to be at risk from it. 

Nevertheless, curious dogs, cats, or children may be drawn to this substance’s strange appearance, and it’s always better to be safe than sorry! For that reason, it’s a good idea to clean up any woodworm dust that appears.

Besides, it can make otherwise tidy, clean surfaces or floors look messy and unkempt if allowed to build up. A damp cloth and a quick wipe are usually sufficient to clear it away. 

Another reason to clear up any woodworm dust that you see is to give yourself a better idea of whether new dust is appearing. If you clean up old piles of frass, only to find new, pale, bright piles of frass appearing, this is a strong indication that woodworm are active in the nearby timber.

You can also use the location of these newly appearing piles to hone in on which areas of timber are likely to be infected, simply by working out which holes the dust is likely to be falling from based on the position of frass piles. 

Final thoughts

Woodworm dust can be a useful indicator as to whether or not woodworm are present in your home, as well as to where they might be active.

Although the dust itself is unlikely to cause any issues, the underlying cause could be an infestation that requires dealing with.

Check the colour of the frass and try to establish when and where it’s coming from. Freshly appearing, light coloured piles are likely to mean active larvae and woodworm beetles. 

source https://villageandcottage.com/timber-beams/woodworm-dust/

[banffcentrelibraryandarchives]

Artists’ Book display for the week of April 22, 2019

Craven A by Claude Closky- Espace Jules Verne, 1993

Strange Faeces no. 17 published by Strange Faeces Press- Penfield NY, 1975

[st-bengerine]

I’m in an airport lads

[omocute-wobble]

Omo Tropes & story elements I enjoy

💛 Paruretic/bladdershy characters, and challenges specific to them. Socially shy/awkward characters. Anxiety-prone folk of all kinds. When mind and/or body prevent a smooth, quick toilet break.

💛 Partial wetting, leakage, drips on the floor. The urge that comes and goes. The slight time-delay between a lost squirt and a drip-through depending on the type of clothing material.

💛 Clothing drama before, during, and after: stuck zipper, tight pants, shirt too long or not long enough, too many layers; how to hide the wet spot? how to fix the zipper broken in frustration? Broken zipper consequence: (wet? dry?) underwear visible, and OF COURSE it had to be this one, with the embarrassing print on it.

💛 The peeing itself. It's not just a hiss - it spouts! splashes! undulates in a 2-minute all-over surge that's impossible to steer! it's a three-pronged weird rush/trickle hybrid, and each of them hits the bowl/receptacle/floor in a different way! - I actually kind of like the pees that are supposed to be as silent as possible (for whatever reason) but end up resonating anyway, or trickle in a little pool of liquid and can be heard at least by one other person.

💛 Hurt/comfort. Angst, shame, embarrassment; some mild whump; crying, tears -- all good, but then I need comfort. Lots of it. Comfort can come in many forms, and depends on the characters involved. Not everybody likes (to give) hard candy and backrubs.

💛 Aftercare: comfort, help cleaning up, distraction/humour to cheer up the omo-victim. Comfort doesn't have to be immediate, and can come in myriad forms. Comfort is my drug.

💛 Double omo! Contagious relief, peeing together (in a non-se×y way). Bonus if the shared experience brings a new dimension (and inside-jokes) to a pre-existing relationship.

💛 Unable to go! No restroom access due to cleaning / a plumbing problem -- PLUS the tour bus is leaving in 3 minutes? Or the suck of stuck: stuck in an elevator, in traffic, on public transportation; literally strapped-in on a turbulent flight. Stuck in a formal function, presentation, ceremonial duty.

💛 Not allowed to go. Can't leave the cash register unattended, being the only server in a crowded bistro, caught in impromptu important meeting, performing a delicate task that bears no interruption, taking a test, working against a deadline; not allowed to enter restroom without ordering something first; helping someone who's critically injured; lying on stretcher with a broken pelvis.

💛 Making it against all odds. Winning the race against the limits of one's biology is beautiful. Smoothes all the ruffled feathers. Cue Ode to Joy.

💛 Peeing in bottles (classic), odd receptacles, or a friend's jacket as a last resort. Peeing in strange or inappropriate locations. Non-traditional, unconventional, creative 'mergency pees.

💛 Confusing/odd toilet. There's a whole world of odd toilets out there, if you're interested in a rabbit-hole. Perhaps there are a toilet and a bidet right next to each other and they look far too similar.

I remember French roadside pits of despair faintly resembling a shower, with footholds too far apart and faeces everywhere. Campground toilet barracks in various countries. A Spanish toilet that was normal enough but I forgot how to open the wall-high sliding door afterwards and the tour bus was about to leave. Rows of plastic outhouses at fairs and concerts. Japanese squat toilets, both clean and unforgivably stinky ones, and the modern western-style ones with water sound buttons -- imagine waiting to use the toilet and some dumb tourist is holding up the line playing with the buttons and laughing too loudly. *cough* what? no, I dunno, wasn't me <.<

[llamagoddessofficial]

What if, before Sans could give her the necklace, another god decided to curse her into another form? Like maybe a monstrous beast? There's plenty of deities strong enough to do things like that for even the pettiest of reasons and she's low enough on the tiers that whoever cursed her would probably immediately forget who she was and what she was turned into. That's all frivolous knowledge now- punishment has been given, end of story. Except it's not- Sans doesn't know where MC is or what happened to her and in her case she might be hunted down by heroes questing for glory

Oh no

anon

why'd you do this to me

now i have to write this

---

You don’t even know what you did.

The cave was damp. It was small, it was cold, and despite the fact that all the animal residents had fled the moment you arrived it still stank heavily with the foul collective odours of fur, sweat, faeces and death, the stench permeating the chamber from every crack and crevice that led further underground. It was pitch black, a swallowing darkness... but it wasn’t like you noticed, giant form curled in a corner, matted fur soaked with so much mud and miasma that if it weren’t for your strained breathing you easily could’ve been mistaken for part of the cave floor.

Every monster needed a weakness a hero could use to overcome it. And yours... yours was your near-blindness. Once your sight left the smells and sounds of the world around you became overwhelming, terrifying, painful, forcing you to flee in a panic to the nearest damp hole where everything was muffled as much as possible.

I don’t even know what I did.

Claws. Teeth so big you could no longer shut your mouth. Scales and fur, leather skin, a body so huge you could barely carry yourself, and a horrifying overbearing sensation of fear and hunger. You knew what happened to monsters- the role they played in the legends. Your job was to terrorise innocent people until you died at the hands of the hero. Nobody was going to help you... nobody was going to stop long enough to realise the guttural sounds you were making were merely cries for help.

...

A new smell. At the entrance to your cave. It was... a blue smell, cold and smooth and carrying in on the wind, coming closer. The movement and the presence of someone else alarmed you, frightened you- you dragged yourself to your feet in confusion, forcing your heavy body up on shaking and aching legs, stirring up the rotten air as you turned to face the intruder, jaws hanging open.

Leave me alone. Leave me alone.

“... oh... oh no...” 

The voice was... softer than you anticipated. Gentler. You were bigger than it- you looked down at where it was coming from. But you still hated it.

It was a new feeling you’d been growing accustomed to... in the same way you’d grow accustomed to an infectious mould in a room you were trapped in. Hatred. Hatred toward anything that moved. You were alone, in pain, not understanding what you did to deserve this or why nobody had come to you when you screamed as you transformed. Your friends, your siblings, your mother...

But then again, she’d be ecstatic about this, wouldn’t she? Now she’s famous- the mother of a monster. If I die at the hands of a stupid little God or prince, she has her place in history.

Suddenly, you were imagining clamping your jaws around her torso and tossing her like a ragdoll. You were imagining putting teeth through the ribcages of your siblings. The thoughts brought you joy.

“shh... don’t do that.” The voice said, reminding you it was there. “thinking that way is feeding the curse.”

It started coming closer. You could sense something, an icy shadow falling over you- your jaws cracked open further and a snarl fell out alongside a steaming breath. The sound was so horrible, so ugly, so deep... but then again, every sound you’d made so far had been like that. You were starting to forget what it felt like to open your mouth and hear a voice.

The growl didn’t deter it. It kept coming. The closer it got, the more agitated you became; it didn’t feel like any God you knew. It felt ancient and dark in a scary and overwhelming way, how did it feel bigger than you even though the voice came from somewhere you had an advantage on? In your head, it was like a huge shadowy monster even bigger than yourself was pressing toward you. You started to back away, into the edge of the cave, snarling getting louder... filth-covered hackles raising in warning. It just kept coming, i-it kept, your back legs hit the wall and go away, go away!

You lashed out. Your head lurched forward and your jaws closed, hard, around a boney hand.

...

The other hand touched your snout.

It made you freeze. You weren’t sure if it was some kind of power this Other Monster had placed over you, or if the sensation of being touched was just so... unexpected.

“... what have they done to you, flower?” It... he said. Despite how pristine his dark aura was, he touched your filth-caked muzzle with no hesitation. The hand was small on your face, it slowly moved... up and down.

Comforting you.

“it’s alright.” Even softer; a murmur, trees rustling in the night, gentle on your aching ears. “you’re still you, my love, no matter what body you’re in.”

... You started to quiver. Who are you? You could see eyes, little white dots, despite not being able to see.

“i need you to let go, for me.” He didn’t seem at all bothered by the fact that you still had his other hand in a vice-grip that would shatter a lesser man’s bones. His voice hadn’t become any less soothing. “i know you’re in pain. but you cannot hold on to it... that’s how the change takes hold. you just need to let me help you.”

Let... you...?

... A strange feeling. Like someone was wrapping a blanket around your dirty, wet body. It shimmered, but it felt so nice... and it seemed to lovingly push on your mind, wrapping it up as gently as a butterfly’s wings. The barest touch of tiredness was enough to make your legs quiver and slowly buckle- your belly touched the floor, and he went down with you, still caressing your face.

You wanted to shake the blanket off. You wanted to shake the arms away from you. But... he didn’t let you go... and you were so tired of being wet and afraid.

At least... someone came for you.

“... there. that’s it...” He cooed, stroking the ugly, unnatural mess of fur and scaled and skin that was you. The blanket was getting heavier and heavier... You let go of his hand. He removed it from your mouth, placing one hand on your snout and one on your jaw...

“... shh... let go.”

...

As soon as you went under... the monstrous leathery skin and fangs fell away into a thick ash that settled into a slush onto the wet cave floor.

... He removed the black robe from his shoulders and wrapped it around your small, naked, dirty true form, lifting you up to cradle you in his arms... then vanishing with you into the shadows.

[bestiarium]

The Ydrus [medieval European folklore]

Medieval bestiaries were often filled with nonsensical creatures, a result of how far the information had to travel to reach the monks, as well as general folklore and superstitions being mixed in with actual zoology. Also, you have to factor in that several of these books contained religious allegories. 

A particularly weird one is the Ydrus, the blue creature depicted above. According to the Aberdeen bestiarium, they are the natural predator of crocodiles, but they don’t engage in actual battles with the reptiles (yes, that red thing is supposed to be a crocodile).

Instead, they seek sleeping crocodiles and then enter their open mouths after having rolled their body in mud, so as to go down the reptile’s throat without much resistance.

After being swallowed, the Ydrus proceeds to devour the crocodile’s intestines from the inside-out, and then bursts out of the dead animal’s chest. The 12th century was a wild time.

The name ‘Ydrus’ (or ‘Idrus’) is derived from ‘hydrus’ referring to the aquatic nature of the creature, for these animals supposedly live in the river Nile. Hence, it is related to the well known Hydra, a dragon slain by Herakles. The Aberdeen bestiary points out, however, that this is a myth and the multi-headed dragon never existed (as opposed to the Ydrus).

It is also referred to as “Aquatilis serpens” which translates to ‘water-snake’. The snake also uses a nasty venom that makes the flesh of its prey swell up after being bitten. This condition can be cured by applying the faeces of an ox.

In medieval bestiaries, the Ydrus is consistently depicted as a dragon-like creature with a dog-like head, a very long tail, two hind legs and two feathery wings. This was the most common description of dragons in 12th-14th century Europe (the idea that a dragon has 4 limbs and 2 wings while a wyvern has 2 limbs plus 2 wings came much later and is very recent). Curiously, this was also how snakes were often depicted in bestiaries around this time but I do not know why this is. Even if the books were written by monks who had never seen a real snake in their lives, it seems weird that such a blatant misconception would survive for multiple centuries. 

Therefore, I believe this might have been a stylistic choice or an allegory of sorts. The Ydrus does contain a religious allegory: according to the Aberdeen bestiary, the crocodile represents hell and also the broad concept of death. The Ydrus entering the crocodile and bursting forth from its remains represents how Jesus Christ entered hell and then tore open its inner parts. Christ then returned and led forth the people who were being unjustly held in hell. Similarly, the allegory of the crocodile representing death refers to Jesus rising from the grave, as He defeated death.

Additionally, the Ydrus might not have been based on a reptile after all, but on a real mammal. The description of the Ydrus and its method of hunting crocodiles are very similar to those of the Ichneumon, a similar strange medieval animal. The myth of the Ichneumon is theorized to have originated from misconceptions about mongooses. Therefore, sightings of mongooses killing snakes may have been the starting point of the myth about the crocodile-slaying Ydrus.

Sources: The Aberdeen bestiary (12th century), which you can read here. Royal MS 12C XIX bestiary (13th century), which you can read here.  (image source 1: the Aberdeen bestiary, 12th century) (image source 2: Royal MS 12C XIX bestiary)