#Stop treating this 70 year old man like he's a fucking child

[xphanuel]

really long sappy post about my step dad

I texted my step dad (sorta not my step dad since my mom left him, but I've always considered him my father) just to vent about everything going on. Last night was really rough for me, I let my brain spiral into negative thoughts and it was like an avalanche until I couldnt take it. I kept thinking about my step dad though, and how proud he is of me, so I ended up not doing anything to hurt myself. He called me in the morning worried as fuck. We spoke and I was fine, and then he said he loves me and that I can do this and I just broke down crying on the phone. I cried to him how unfair it was how my mother left him after 22 years over his family, bc it wasn't genuinely over that, it was over her not getting money from him anymore after the stroke he had. I told him I'm glad she left, because he deserves to be treated better, even if it makes him sad. I cried about how angry I was at her, not for my own reasons, but because of how she treated him. He started crying too. We said we loved each other like 9000 times.

I went to work, and he called me mid shift. I immediately dropped everything and answered. He told me he sent me money. I immediately started crying hysterically. I didn't even ask for money. I told him he didnt have to do that and Ill send it back, but he wouldnt take no for an answer. I guess as soon as he heard our Honda was having transmission issues, he was dead set on finding a way to send money. I'm so fucking grateful. I love this man, so fucking much. I can't describe in words how much I love and appreciate him.

It really hit different. I never felt like I ever had a parent that loved me besides him, it was just weird for me to be close to men after being sexually abused, but as I got older I started venting to him about my mom, he never invalidated me and we got a lot closer. When I left my hometown we became even closer and he was so proud of me for getting out. He supported me financially when I couldn't do it myself, and I'll never forget that. I would die for him if the situation arises. I told him I was sorry for not being closer with him when I was younger, and he dead ass told me "that's completely okay, you're here now. I've always loved you as if you were one of my own children. You were just going through some really hard shit as a kid. It's okay." I swear. I broke. To have someone actually be a loving parent, be proud of me, and cheer me on, that didn't beat and emotionally abuse me? I lost my shit and started crying. I love him beyond comprehension.

My mother always said I was his child despite not being related to him, and she's not wrong about that. Were extremely similar, we have the same sense of humor, we share similar ideologies, and he's been in my life since I was 3. I just can't fathom my life without him. When he does pass, I'm going to be a fucking wreck. When me and my boyfriend get married, we agreed we want him as one of the only witnesses. He really did give me a healthy father daughter relationship that I can't ever replace or replicate. I can't express my gratitude enough.

[sunjaesol]

juke | human au | title: fearless // taylor swift

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As they were walking up the front lawn of her childhood home, nerves wrecked her body. Even her hand, snug in Luke's, felt clammy and sweaty and suffocating. God, this was such a mistake — going home, not him. He didn't even realise what he had gotten himself into by falling for the youngest darling of the matriarch.

Or rather, she shouldn't have fallen head over heels for the swoon-worthy Luke Patterson, but she never really stood a chance.

But everything had happened so fast! One second banter easily flowed between them, warm and easy flirtatiousness without consequences, the next she was at IKEA helping him pick out a bookshelf while he somehow knew whenever she needed pizza and a good cuddle. They were very much in a committed relationship, something the Molina women very much frowned upon.

It wasn't as if they were all deeply scared of love and relationships, but the Molina family was a matriarchy. All women raised families on their own, no man to help. Divorced, cheated on, died, a donor, infertile and therefore adopting children — men were of zero priority.

So, coming home with her boyfriend whom she deeply loved? Definitely a risk. She was surprised he was still standing, that she hadn't scared him enough yet.

Spinning on her heels in front of the door, she shot him an anxious smile. "Are you... sure you wanna do this? We're, like, really intense."

Luke smiled, tender. "Do I wanna meet the family of my girlfriend? 'Course I do." When her expression didn't change, he added, "Jules, just 'cause they all did the 'no guy' thing, doesn't mean you have to follow that, right? And I'm not scared."

Oh, God. His courage was as admirable as it was stupid.

She chuckled, antsy. "You haven't met my mom though."

His smile widened as he dipped down to kiss her, gently, hands caressing her cheeks. For a moment, stress fled her system.

But then the door flew open.

"There you are!" Mom exclaimed, a glass of red wine in one hand and music booming over her shoulder. "And is this the boy toy?"

"Mom!" Julie grumbled, embarrassed to be caught kissing (God, she's twenty-three!) as well as putting Luke in a bad position.

First impression of him: seeing him kiss her beloved daughter on the doorstep. Great.

"Hi," Luke said, dazzling her with a smile while he stuck his hand out. "I'm Luke. And I'm, uh, older? So..."

"Meh," Rose trailed, lamely shaking his hand. "Still a boy toy. Anyway, come in! Food's warm!"

Following her mom inside, Luke shot her a strange look, like it was only registering now all her tall tales were, well, true. Shrugging with a sheepish grin, she placed their shoes and jackets in the wall closet and then made the agonising trek to the loud, jumbled chatter.

As expected, all the California-based Molina women were present. Which meant ten, including her, all staring at Luke like he was a weird specimen. Her hand squeezed his beneath the table in support, and he was finally squeezing back just as tightly.

Was it bad she felt some sick pleasure he understood how fucked he was? Probably. It seemed warranted.

When everyone had their plates filled, the interrogation began.

"So, Luke, how old are you?" Victoria asked.

"Twenty-five."

"Going around town with a twenty-three year old?" She sniffed. "Interesting..."

"Do you have any siblings?" Donna inquiried.

A wry grin ticked up his lips, sensing the irony of the situation. "I, uh, I'm an only child, actually. Mostly raised by my dad, 'cause my mom worked long hours."

Shoving a fork of meatloaf in her mouth, Julie withheld a guttural wince at his words. Luke Patterson was the poster child of everything the Molina's didn't like and she brought him in their cave.

"What do you do for a living?" Abuela croaked, peering intensely.

His smile didn't falter, but instead widened. "I'm in a band, but I also bartend a couple of nights a week."

"A band, huh?" Mom leaned forward, intrigued. "Has Julie told you I used to be in a band?"

"How can I not, mom?" Rolling her eyes, Julie added, "You'd tell him anyway..."

"I was in The Petal Pushers, the best protest punk-rock feminist group of the 90s." Her fist punched in the air as she spoke and Julie could imagine the fingerless leather gloves and purple streaks as she did. "What kinda... band do you have?"

Her endearing Luke didn't read the warning signs humble himself, so he enthusiastically perched himself at the end of his chair as he said, "Punk-rock too, actually! Yeah, we're really killing it right now at all the clubs."

She smirked. "I'm sure you do."

"What are your plans with Julie?" Elena asked, one of her cousins.

Both her and Luke froze at that. Shit. That... was not something they've discussed. A relationship of seven months was still pretty fresh, not ready for a confrontational talk about futures and plans.

He scraped his throat, briefly let his gaze flicker to her, and then uttered, "I'm, uh, a one day at a time kinda guy."

Julie cringed, not hiding it this time. To her, it was an alright, albeit lame answer. But to her family? Horrible. So, so horrible. Gah, she had to put an end to this!

Abuela scoffed, nearly choking on her hard seltzer. "One day? At a time? What is this, the 70s? My little girl deserves more than carpe diem!"

Mimi hissed. "Wrong, wrong answer, boy toy."

The questions kept shooting at lightning speed, each one more outrageous than the other, while Julie's grip on her fork tightened and tightened in anger.

"How many times a week do you shower?"

"What's your least favourite colour?"

"Do you pick up women? Is that how you make extra money?"

"What's your view on children?"

"Can you handle spice?"

"How did you even find our darling, huh? Did you lure her into that bar of yours?"

"Is Luke short for Lukas, or Lucrative?"

"Alright, enough!" Julie screamed, standing up with a stomp of the foot.

A hush crossed the table, aghast and surprised, her mother perpetually amused as always (too many in drugs in the 90s, she presumed) while Abuela feigned to be sleeping. 'Resting her eyes' would likely be the excuse.

"This is insane! Stop acting like this and start treating Luke with a little respect!"

From the corner of her eye, she vaguely noted he was staring at her, gobsmacked. He did well, given the circumstances, but she couldn't just idly sit there and let him take all this shit.

Mom puffed, leaning back in her chair. "We haven't been disrespectful, Julie."

"You have, mom! Can't I just have a boyfriend without—"

"We've invited him," she interrupted. "That's enough of a courtesy."

And before Julie could fire back, furious beyond belief, Rose added, "You know how the Molina cookie crumbles, honey. No men stay. Not for long, anyway."

That smug response made her explode. "Mom! Can you just for once—?!"

"I love her though," Luke quipped, shy.

The fight halted instantly, all ten women gawking at him like he just spoke a new language.

And he did, to Julie at least. Luke loved her? Even after all of this? She obviously knew he wasn't impartial to her, those seven months equalling tenderness and partnership like nothing she's ever experienced before, but... love? He was in love with her?

How could she abide by the 'Molina Women Rule!' rules when he confessed that, no hesitation or stutter heard?

And so, Julie's heart melted. "You love me?"

"Of course, I do," he whispered. "Why else would I be here?"

Elena nodded, sympathetic. "Good point."

Unable to stop her smile from becoming a dazzling, lovesick beam, she repeated his words with as much conviction as she could muster. "I love you too, Luke."

Abuela shot up from her sleep with a cough and a snicker. "Yeah, right."

Mom waved her glass around, congratulating them. For the first time tonight, her tone held kindness instead of poorly veiled contempt. "That's very sweet, Luke. Tell me in seven more months how you're feeling then."

Though Julie couldn't expect her to suddenly change her ways. Damn.

Mimi scowled. "We're letting 'I'm a one day at a time kinda guy' slide?"

Disgruntled chatter rose again, and that was her cue to go. Tapping Luke's shoulder, she mouthed home — something she hadn't done before and wasn't sure which apartment she meant either, but it left flutters in her chest regardless — and he nodded in understanding.

Oh, God. He loved her. That still hadn't set in.

"And if you'll excuse us, me and Luke are going," Julie continued. "Thanks for dinner, mom."

The woman laughed, baring all her teeth. She clearly had a fun time. "See you at Victoria's birthday, mi amor. And Luke? Who knows!"

He forced a chuckle at her remark. Awkwardly bouncing on his heels, he waved at all the ladies. "It was really cool to meet you all. Now– now I know why Julie's so incredible. So... thanks." A true smile appeared. "This was great."

No one said anything after that. Abuela gurgled her drink and her cousins prodded at their leftovers, mom peering at her like she was trying to find something. Sometimes, Julie and Rose were so alike, and other times, they were complete strangers. She liked that. It kept dinners like these exciting, she supposed. Mom seemed to think the same.

They bid goodbye one last time with a kiss on the cheek, and then they hurried out the door. A giggling breath left as the cool wind hit her skin. Luke was buzzing with adrenaline, unable to keep his limbs still.

Clambering in her car, the comforting quietude wrapped around them as the doors slammed shut. A beat passed. No one spoke.

"What the fuck," he whispered, horrified. "What the fuck. What the fuck did just happen? What the fuck—"

Julie squealed. "You love me!"

"That's what you got from that?!"

"Of course!" Her arms curled around him, teasing. "You love me!"

"That shouldn't be the most surprising thing tonight, Jules," he grumbled, though a playful shimmer sparked within his beautiful eyes. "I thought I was, y'know, obvious."

She shrugged, bashful. "It's always nice to hear, no?"

"Oh, man," he sighed, eyes flickering across her face as though he couldn't decide what to focus on, as though she was indescribably stunning. Her heart swelled tenfold at the thought. "I love you, Julie. So fucking much. Even with your crazy family."

Laughing, she reached forward and kissed his lips, fingers pressing in his neck and their silly grins preventing them from deepening the warm touch.

"Let's go," he mumbled, noses nudging, eyes hooded and pouring with the love she somehow hadn't noticed before. "Before they're ready for round two."

But before he could move away, she kissed him again, better this time, and cherished his sigh when they slowly seperated.

"I love you too," she whispered. "Like, a lot."

He grinned, breathless. "Good to know."

Victoria's birthday was four months later, and Luke attended as well. And also for Mimi and Elena and mom and Abuela and Donna and every other Molina member. And when Julie got surprised with a 24th birthday party, she figured out Luke and mom combined their powers to host it.

Molina women were independant and lived life by their own rules... which included Julie.

Loving Luke Patterson unconditionally probably made her the most unique Molina of all.

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@bluefirewrites @blush-and-books @ourstarscollided @thedeathdeelers @pink-flame @constantly-singing @willexx @unsaid-emily

[sugdenlovesdingle]

since everyone is doing this (well - a few people, and i’m bored) I thought I’d give it a go too

My emmerdale wishlist for 2021

Besides the obvious - Robert and Seb home with Aaron where they belong and robron getting their baby.

- Get rid of the Posners. I don’t particularly care how (though I wouldn’t complain if it turns out Luke killed his brother and wendy helped cover it up)

- Break up Chaddy. I don’t care who cheats, i don’t care why - just break them up.

- Paul takes a long walk off a short cliff, never to be seen again.

- Reunite Vic and Ellis. I saw a gifset of Asan!Ellis with Vic... and god they were cute. it won’t be the same with new!Ellis but anything is better than luke.

- Liv will be officially diagnosed with epilepsy soon - give her a service dog!

- Mack vs the Dingles in some way at all times. With all the sarcastic comments on how they’re all fucking weird.

- Mack and Robert bffs.

- Mack and Aaron frenemies who keep it civil (mostly. with only minor insults back and forth) for Robert’s sake.

- Mack and Charity continue to hook up every now and then because they can’t help themselves... and there is a fine line between love and hate after all.

- Al playing Debbie and Priya blows up in his face, but not in the usual cat fight/dramatic reveal/ shouting match in the middle of the village. Let them find out about each other and team up to take him down! #girlpower.

- Harriet stops crying and praying and acting shifty and goes on a nice long jesus retreat to wherever Pearl has been the past year.

- Aaron could use a friend. If kayak boy must stay, let them be friends. let them talk to each other, make Ben an actual character and let him interact with people other than Aaron.

- Let Jamie go back to being a vet. I’m shallow - Alexander Lincoln is a very attractive man and I want to see him cuddle puppies or ponies or any other animal.

- Someone drop a house on Andrea.

- Since Kim is back, let her take over from Jamie at the HOP and interact with her staff (sack kayak boy because he’s never at work)

- Get Charity out of the pub and let her do something where she can scheme and be dodgy without too many consequences.

- If Noah is staying, let Kim take him under her wing. He’s a Tate and she’s constantly Disappointed in Jamie - give her a do over with Noah. it’ll be a way to make her more human (just like Millie) and a way to piss off charity - who can’t do or say anything because she’s Kim’s bitch.

- scrap the repeat of the Danny story. It was alright the first time around, now it just comes out of the blue. I get that they want to have Debbie interact with her daughter, but surely there are other ways.

- Liv and Gabby are friends, let them interact as such. and if they discover they’re actually more than friends somewhere along the way, I wouldn’t mind.

- Give! Matty! A! Storyline! (and a love interest - he and Amy were cute.)

- Give! Ryan! A! Storyline! (Ryan Stocks, not Hawley)

- Give Liv a job and get her out of the vinnypaulmandy bubble of doom and let her explore her asexuality and what it is she does and does not want from relationships.

- introduce a new family. The new vicar and his son is a start but we need more. If the posners and andrea fuck off, dale view will be empty and megan’s old house is still empty - plenty of room for a new family. Bonus points for a queer family.

- stop treating Rishi like a child. He’s 70, not 7. He raised 3 kids and owned his own business, he’s not the helpless fool they make him out to be.

- Give Meena something to do other than pick fights with her sister.

- Give Leanna something to do other than hating her dad’s girlfriends and sabotaging his relationships because she’s a Mean Girl.

- More village events. I know it’s hard because of covid right now but hopefully at some point this year enough people will have been vaccinated so that they can ease or get rid of the restrictions and they can have some kind of village event. Maybe something at the HOP. They never really had their big opening did they?

And above all... NEW PRODUCERS!

[harrys-kiwi]

go with him

summary: (y/n) has a new male friend that makes Bucky insecure in so many ways

request: Hello! Would you mind doing an angsty oneshot from boyfriend!Bucky's POV where he notices you getting closer and becoming more affectionate with a new guy friend causing jealousy and insecurities to grow within him? One day, he confronts you and you say some mean things?

category and warnings: one fluff in the flashbacks, but mainly angst. soft!bucky (literally an angel who deserves better) and total asshole!reader. one or two swear words.

authors note: let’s all gang up on (y/n) for treating Bucky like dirt. thanks for your request anon! hope this is what you wanted. please leave feedback and your Bucky requests :) and thank you so much for your love on “just stop”

word count: 2.3k

For a 102 year old man, Bucky thinks, he is doing quite well. He feels and looks about 70 years younger, for one. He has a great job that he gets to do with his best friend. And he gets to call the most amazing girl he’s ever come across his own. What more could a man want?

Alright, so (y/n) could - age wise - be his granddaughter. But their love was timeless; it had defeated the odds in so many ways, that really, what’s an age gap got to say? It was absolutely perfect. (y/n) had always dreamed of living decades before she was born, nostalgic for a seemingly simpler time. She loved to hear Bucky’s stories from those times, enamored by the older man’s experience. And Bucky really wanted to fit into the decade he had to live in, so having a young girl like (y/n) helped him stay up to date with everything. 

Emotionally and physically, it was the perfect co-dependency. It was the love they both had always dreamed of, and Bucky couldn’t believe that the universe would grant him such a treasure after all the wrong he had committed in his life. 

It was perfect, until Ben came along. 

See, Bucky loved and trusted (y/n) more than anything in the world. When they had gotten to know each other first, Bucky was immediately a goner. And although he had completely forgotten what it felt like to be in love - exciting, breath taking, and scary, it caused more insecurities to rise. 

“Come on, Buck,” Steve sighed as he took a swig from the Beer in front of him, “don’t do this. The girl clearly likes you.”

“Steve, have you gone insane?” Bucky questioned, eyebrows furrowed. “Have you forgotten that I was an assassin? I don’t get to have a woman, let alone one like her, in my life after all I’ve done.”

“Listen pal, you’re gonna regret this.”

“Regret giving her a chance to lead a normal life with a normal man by her side? I don’t think so.”

Bucky didn’t believe he deserved anything good. And (y/n) was good personified. He had tried, so hard, to make her see that she didn’t need him. That she needed someone her age who could offer her stability. Someone without his ptsd, his trauma, without the nightmares. A man who could go out clubbing with her because the loud bass and flashing lights didn’t trigger memories of being strapped to a chair in an evil organizations’ base. But when (y/n) had come to his apartment, latched onto him and began sobbing because she loved him so much it hurt and she didn’t know what to do with herself if he wouldn’t have her, well, then things changed. 

He hadn’t realized that another human was capable of feeling so strongly for him. After that night he started calling her his girlfriend, and little by little, his insecurities faded into the background. Every gentle touch, every hushed whisper, every reassuring smile he got from her lead him to the place he was now: security. He had never felt this before. So he latched himself onto it, onto her, making her the source of his happiness. 

Which was why he never bothered asking her who she was texting when she began spending more time on her phone. He knew it was probably something important, since (y/n) preferred real life contact over social media. Her behavior toward him had remained the same as always, so Bucky thought nothing of it. 

(y/n) let out a laugh and clasped her hand over her mouth as her body shook with laughter. Bucky looked up at her from where he was sprawled out on the couch, his head in her lap as they watched TV together.

“What is it?” He smiled up at her.

“Ben sent me the funniest meme,” she laughed, “look!” She handed him the phone. He took it, read the caption and looked at the picture, chuckling as he gave the phone back to her. He didn’t get the joke, but as long as his girl was happy. (y/n) quickly typed a reply, and then another, and another.

“Baby…” Bucky huffed, and when she didn’t pay attention to him, he grabbed her phone and placed it on the table beside them, quickly turning them around and pinning her onto the couch. (y/n) squealed and then began laughing as Bucky placed sloppy kisses all over her face. 

“Bucky! Stop!” She breathed between giggles, grabbing his face between her hands and rubbing his cheeks with her thumbs. “You are such a beautiful man, it’s not even fair.” She pouted. Bucky reached down to kiss her puckered lower lip, which quickly turned into gently biting and tugging at it. “Fuck, Bucky.” She mumbled, reaching up to kiss him once more, moaning quietly when she felt his tongue roll into her mouth. She tugged off his shirt, and let him love her right there on the couch, her buzzing phone long forgotten. 

Bucky really felt like an idiot. Had he been living in a bubble? Naïvely believed that you wouldn’t find someone much better for you? As he stood in the doorway of your shared apartment, it was like he was watching a scene of your life if he wouldn’t have ruined it by letting himself become a part of it. You were sitting at the kitchen table, books and handouts covering its surface, highlighters and pens sprawled around, your legs resting comfortably on him. You guys hadn’t even heard him come inside. Taking a deep breath to try and loosen the knot in his stomach, he called out to you.

“Hey, Doll.” He said gently, walking into the kitchen, and placing a soft kiss on your cheek. You hummed in response, tilting your head back and smiling up at him. He smiled back, placing another soft kiss on your lips. He felt slightly better knowing Ben had seen that, but the unease settled back into his stomach as he saw the much younger man sitting in the seat adjacent to you, your feet perched on his lap. He forced a smile, and held out his hand. 

“Hi, I’m Bucky.” Ben smiled widely and shook his hand in a tight grip.

“Nice to meet you man, I’m Ben.” Bucky nodded and left the room. He hated how insecure Ben made him feel. He was exactly the kind of man Bucky had told you you needed to find all those years ago. He seemed really nice. He was obviously smart since he was studying the same thing as you. And Bucky hated to admit it, but he was handsome and you two looked really good together. 

Surely this was some sort of cosmic karma, someone’s messed up idea of revenge for all the unforgivable things he had done in his life. To let him believe that he was worthy of feeling so good and loving so hard, and being loved back exactly the way he needed in return - just to have it ripped away from him right in front of his sight. To have to watch the only person he had ever and could ever love, meet her soulmate right in front of his eyes. Bucky doesn’t even know how long he had been sitting on their bed thinking, but he heard her voice calling out for him.

“Buck, come here!” He complied immediately, getting up to see what his girl needed from him. He found her standing by the door as Ben put on his jacket. “Come say bye to Benny!” She smiled. He had a nickname now? He walked up next to her wrapping an arm around her waist and shaking Ben’s hand. 

“It was great meeting you, will I see you tonight at the party?” Ben inquired.

“Oh no, Bucky doesn’t do partying. I’ll be coming alone.” (y/n) interrupted, smiling sweetly at the man across from her. Bucky’s heart dropped to his stomach.

“Alright then, I’ll come pick you up around eight.” Ben winked, pulling (y/n) into a hug that she reciprocated eagerly. Bucky had to look away as Ben kissed (y/n)’s cheek and walked out of the apartment. 

“This is it,” he thought to himself, “this is my biggest nightmare come true.” Bucky tried to swallow down his tears, scolding himself for getting emotional. But he couldn’t help it, not when he was so desperately in love with her and didn’t know how to stop her from slipping through his fingers. He turned around, making his way back into the bedroom. Using the sleeve of his knitted sweater he wiped at his eyes, trying to take deep breaths. He sat at the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths and trying to clear his head. Maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe he was reading into this too much. 

“Bucky? Is everything okay?” He heard her angelic voice calling out to him. He looked up to see her walk into the bedroom, savoring the sight. He reached his arms out, feeling like a child, desperate for her to comfort him. “Aw baby,” she sighed as she sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around him. He held on to her middle, hiding his face in her chest. Her calm heartbeat and steady breathing allowed him to swallow down the tears that were building up, and he felt her small hands framing his face and beckoning him to look up at her. “What’s wrong baby?” She cooed while brushing back his hair and kissing his nose. 

Bucky felt so embarrassed to say what was going on. He didn’t want her to realize how insecure he was. Or perhaps what he was really scared of was that if he told her that he thought she was better off with Ben, she would agree, thank him for giving her the okay, and leave him for good. “It’s nothing.” He mumbled instead. 

“I’ve never seen you so upset before Bucky, what do you mean it’s nothing?”

He took a deep breath and looked her in her beautiful eyes. “I just get jealous of Ben.” He felt naked in that moment. It had taken a lot to be able to be this vulnerable in front of her, not wanting her to think that he was weak. Or worse, for her to think that she had given him reason to be insecure. Bucky felt her stiffen in his arms. 

“This is about Ben?” She said, slowly. He nodded tentatively, not breaking eye contact. “Oh god, Bucky. Come on!” She rolled her eyes and got up from his lap to begin pacing in front of him. He felt his insides clench as his heart rate picked up. 

“Doll, I just-“

“Just what, Buck? Just can’t get over your insecurities and just can’t stop comparing yourself to any man I ever talk to?” Bucky swallowed harshly, feeling the tears sting his eyes again. He found himself nodding. “Well get over it.” Her tone was cold and harsh, and he wished he wouldn’t have said anything. Wished he wouldn’t have given her a reason to be mad at him. 

“I’m sorry, Doll. It’s just that he can offer you so much, so much stuff that I can’t. And seeing you so close really drilled that point into my mind. You know my mind has a thing for being manipulated.” He tried a joke to lighten the situation, terrified of where this conversation would go otherwise. 

“Damn it Buck, stop trying to make everything about you and how damaged you are. Don’t you think that if I wanted Ben I would have had him a long time ago? I’ve always just wanted you, and I’ve wasted so much time trying to get you to see that! And after all this time, you’re telling me a friendship with a guy from college is making you doubt everything?”

Bucky couldn’t believe the damage he’d caused. He wished so hard he could rewind, just so he could have held her harder instead of ever opening his mouth to doubt her. “I’m sorry-“

“I don’t have time for this. If you still can’t get it through your head that there’s no reason for you to be this insecure then I don’t know anymore.”

Bucky scrambled to stand up and grab her hand before she could leave the room, tears freely falling from his eyes now. “Doll, please don’t leave.” He croaked, desperation laced in his tone. He looked at her with as much determination as he could muster, although he could barely see her through the tears. But he felt her hand in his grasp, the way she was squeezing his hand back ever so slightly, which was enough for him to get his hopes up all over again.

“Bucky...” she trailed off, looking at his tears with soft eyes.

“I just don’t know what I’d do without you, (y/n). And seeing you with someone who can give you everything I’ve always wanted to give you...” he shook his head, “I just want you to have the best. And i know I’m not anywhere near that. That’s not an insecurity, that’s just a fact. But I wished that when you found the best, you wouldn’t flaunt it in front of me like that. Because fuck, I’ve never loved like this in my entire life. And watching the person you love share small intimacies with someone else? Someone you’ve wanted to be your entire life? That’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt.” He took some time to think of what to say next. Silence hung in the air until he spoke up again, squeezing her hand once more before letting it go. “Stay with me tonight. Choose me over him, please. If you go with him tonight,” Bucky winced, mustering up the strength to finish his thought, “you go with him forever.”

[rosierocks30]

Hidden: Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Always and Forever 

(Eve)

Eve or Natasha was staring at the amber liquid drink in her mug. She had been into deep sorrow of heartbreak. Ever since he left, she hasn’t left the room. Today, it was my first time being out of the room since that day. Natasha couldn’t tell what day it was. To her, it felt like years had passed by. Maybe this was for the best. They both are generations apart. She’s from the future and Eren is from here. What business does she have here anyways? The grey eyed woman should focus on trying to get back her timeline before encountering her grandmother or grandfather. Shit, if grandpa Levi finds out, she’ll get a beating in their spars. 

Eve took a sipped from her mug. She sighed then pulled out some change to pay the ale. The Ackerman from the future couldn’t enjoy her beer. Once she paid, the woman started to walk away to who knows where. 

Her life before ending up in the past was basically what the life of an New Yorker heiress was. There were parties, going to the best prestigious private schools, and of course any high class social events. It was every debutante’s dream. She never liked it but it was her medicine in dealing with her ill grandmother and her PTSD. 

Natasha remembered that tragic day when she lost her mother and baby brother. Her father had died a year before their death. He was an assassin like their ancestors were before. When she was a little girl, Eve had wanted to follow her father’s footsteps including her grandfather’s, but they never allowed. It had frustrated her. Both her grandparents had told her to just be a normal girl with careless dreams and living life to the fullest. Whenever she had visited Paradis during her vacations, there were many arguments between her and grandpa Levi and grandma Historia. They see things way differently than her. At first, she doesn’t get why they are preventing her from choosing the path she wanted to take. 

The last time she saw them, a huge fight had led their relationship delicately. 

(Flashback) 

It was a normal evening in the palace. She was spending time with her grandparents and her aunts and uncle along with her younger cousins. Everyone was enjoying their meal. Usually the kitchen staff cooked their meals, but tonight her grandmother Queen Historia decided to cook. At one time, the staff gave up in preventing her grandmother from doing anything, especially cooking. 

“Natasha, I’m so happy that you decided to make time to visit us from your studies at the University.” Her grandmother, Historia began to speak. 

The young woman glanced up at her grandmother. Queen Historia was in her late 50’s about to reach her 60’s soon. Her grandma still has her angelic beauty that she was known for as her age hasn’t ruined her beauty. Her blonde hair shined with some silver strands but she was still a goddess, well in the eye’s of the public. 

“Well, I need to be away from the city life in NYC for a while.” The American sipped her wine. She heard a familiar scoff from the head of the table on the right. Her grandfather, the once famous Captain Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps and Assassin Master of the Brotherhood Paradis stared at her. Natasha frowned then set her glass of wine with a bit of force. 

“Ok, what now, grandpa?” Her tone sounded annoyed from her own grandfather’s attitude. 

“I’m not stupid for the real reason you decide to come to visit all of the sudden.” Levi glared at her oldest granddaughter. Oh great, here we go again. The college student rolled her eyes at him since she knows where this is going. 

“Praise tell oh dear grandfather.” Her sarcastic tone was showing. Now, the rest of the family groaned as they knew there would be a fight between Levi and Natasha. 

Historia sighed but continued sipping her wine. Levi was now in his 70s. His face had aged well even though he had scars on his face during the war.His once raven hair was now grey. No matter how he looked, Historia had and always will love her husband. They both had gone through so much that their bond was too solid to be broken. There were times in their marriage, both older couples did unthinkable things that would have caused their relationship to end. But their love story will be known for centuries.

“You came here not because of your studies. Instead, you’re here from another scandal you decided to get away from. You can lie to us, but your grandmother and I know what happened in New York.” Levi said in a stern tone which the atmosphere became heavy. 

Before Natasha could say anything, her uncle interrupted the conversation. 

“Dad, I don’t think it’s the best time right now. The children are here.” her uncle reminded Levi that the younger kids are here listening to this argument. Natasha adores her uncle since he was the most understanding out of his siblings. Her aunts are a bit too modesty. They always reminded her to be ladylike with modest manners. Do her wrong she loved all her family, but they always find something that’s not up to their standards. It just drives her so insane. The only reason she is still visiting them because they are the only thing close to her father, Atticus Ackerman the eldest child of her grandparents.

It’s not her fault that she was raised in a society that you can express freely to be who you are. But in her case, she can be a bit too wild even her grandma Virginia Stark nee Potts aka Pepper, the CEO of Stark Industries. In a way, her nana had once told her she was just like her grandfather, the late Tony Stark who she had never got to meet. What she learned about him. He was wild, eccentric, very intelligent that he had the tendencies of hacking into governments top projects to benefit his cases when he gets into trouble or just cause. After all, her being a smart mouth had always ended up into an argument with Levi as he’s the type not taking anyone’s bullshit even hers. 

“Tch. We’ll have to cut this family dinner short. Natasha, you will meet me and your grandmother in my office in 10 minutes.” He said as his chair was pushed back to get up. He glanced at his wife who nodded at him and got up too. They walked out of the dining room. Now only her uncle, aunts, cousins were still here. 

“Tsk tsk niece. If you would have acted a lady not a hussy-” Aunt Frieda Ackerman said. Uncle Erwin hissed at his older sister. “Frieda that’s enough! What’s got into?” 

Frieda scoffed then got up and called her son who’s 10 years old to follow her. The little blonde child obediently goes after his mother. Meanwhile Natasha was looking at her meal from trying not to lose control and snapped at her auntie. Her other aunt had been too quiet. The good thing, she’s not too bad compared to her Aunt Frieda. Aunt Krista finally broke her silence. 

“Sweetheart, she doesn’t mean that. She’s just worried about you.” Her blonde aunt was always the peacekeeper in the family. Her hand was on her huge belly as she’s not that long to be due. Her husband, Aaron Arlert, one of brightest soldiers in his generation and the son of the late Commander Armin Arlert of the Survey Corps and Master Assassin; his wife former Marley’s Warrior and Assassin Master who died long ago too. Both of them had passed on due to the Titan’s curse. Her auntie is excited for her first child. 

“Are you sure? She seems so convinced I’m ruining our family’s reputation again. She needs to stop being so bitter around everyone just because of her marriage problems.” Natasha mumbled. Both her uncle and aunt gave a disappointing look as it was uncalled for her to bring up Frieda’s marriage issue with some high class dickhead who happens to be a Marleyan. Natasha believes her estranged uncle is only using her aunt because she’s a princess, the next heir to the throne. By law, it was supposed to be Natasha as she’s the only surviving child of the late crowned Prince Atticus. Since the government officials had passed a law to prevent her from taking the throne after her grandmother either abdicated  the throne or passed away. 

To be honest, she doesn’t want the throne. If she chooses between the throne or being the next CEO of Stark Industries then she’ll prefer being the next CEO. If there was a third choice it’s neither. The Eldian-American wanted to find her own path. She doesn’t like her future being planned for her. She’s a free-spirited woman, but to certain relatives apparently she’s a rebel brat. 

“Natasha.” He scolded at his niece. Natasha sighed and got up from her chair. “Goodnight by the way if I don’t get to see you for the rest of the night.” Before leaving she goes to hug her twin cousins from her uncle who are around 7 years old. Both boys hugged her back and said goodnight as she finally walked out of the family dinning room. 

The brunette walked through silent hallways which in her opinion it gave her the creeps sometimes. Some halls have guards on duty. The heiress just ignores them since her grandparents are probably waiting for her to scold. Ugh! She’s passed 18 and yet; they treat her like some misbehaving kid. Whatever had happened on the video was not what it seems. The media loves to fuck her over since she’s a royal and a Stark. They enjoyed milking out every ‘scandal’ she has been in.

The grey eyed heiress made it to the doors of grandpa’s office. The old man had been retired for a long time after the war. Seriously, why can he find some hobby instead of getting up on her case. She grabbed the handles to open the doors. Her grandparents are already sitting down while sipping their cup of tea. 

“Tch. Finally, you were taking your time to get here.” Levi said as he set his cup of tea on the coffee table. 

She rolled her eyes at his comment then went to sit on the couch to glance at both older couples. Her eyes landed on the already cold cup of tea for her to drink. The heiress doesn’t mind since it’s basically drinking iced tea without sweetening or added flavor. She waited for them to speak while sipping the cup. 

Historia took a glimpse at Levi then back to her granddaughter. “Sweetheart, we’re worried for you. This is not just any light scandal you have been in. This scandal involved you and some man being taped while having sex. Of all the things, this I can’t tolerate anymore of your wild party life. You forget you’re a royal and a member of the Ackerman clan.” 

The younger Ackerman wanted to scream from the frustration she felt. That tape was not how they think it happened. She didn’t know the guy was filming her. It's a crime for what that asshole did, but of course they don’t understand. Her grandparents are from different generations with different perspectives than hers. 

Don’t they understand how this made her feel? On that morning, she was watching tv at her apartment eating cereal when the headlines started to show. She felt sick and betrayed. How could he do this to her? The guy, Darren, is nice and charming. She thought he was different. Nope, her taste in men is like a pattern of bad karma. Natasha had texted him but didn’t respond. When she decided to go to his place, he was busy entertaining some friends. Oh the rage in her came out. She made everyone leave and once it was just her and him; there were arguments and some plates thrown at him. Low key she could have given an old Ackerman ass kicking, but that would lead to getting arrested.

After the drama, she didn’t come out of her apartment due to paparazzi and noisy people. Her poor grandmother was expecting her to visit. It was too much to the point her PTSD returned. Her psychiatrist suggested she go to the safest place for her. So she packed up to spend some time with her paternal grandparents and prayed they would listen and understand her what she was going through. Sadly, none of those didn’t happen. Her other grandmother doesn’t know yet. She made sure it keeps it that way. The heiress doesn’t want her nana to get distress since her cancer has returned and is becoming worse. Now, all she hears was their rants as she zoned out from all these events had happened. 

“Natasha? Natasha? Are you even listening?” Historia tried to get her granddaughter’s attention. 

“Oi, brat. Answer your grandmother.” He used his infamous authoritative tone. The college girl snapped and glanced at both of them. 

“You know, only Uncle Erwin had asked me how I was feeling. He listened to what really happened and didn’t judge me. Both of you, had not once asked me how I am feeling since the scandal was broken. I was hoping my family would be a bit understanding and listen to me because I would never sink myself to that. All I got here was I should be ashamed of myself or take responsibility. And guess what, I had been feeling ashamed and disgusted because the whole world saw me exposed and it was without my consent. If this conservation will lead to more scolding and family’s reputation then I’m done here.” She gets up to roughly palace the cup on the saucer then walks to the doors to open. The heiress slammed the doors. 

Fuck everything here. If she can go somewhere to be safe and herself, then it will help her not to lose insanity. Natasha didn’t feel her tears were falling. The heiress kept going until she was outside in the royal private garden. The distressed girl sat on the bench to let the tears become sobs. 

“Mom...Dad..if you were still alive, would you believe me? Would you understand me when I need it the most? I’m just tired of everything. I missed you both…” The brown haired woman whispered as her eyes stared up at the stars. 

Natasha loved to be in the garden whenever she’s alone. It’s helped her clear her thoughts and calm her emotions. Right, in front of her a mini section of lavenders. It was her 16th birthday present. Its scent was soothing and relaxing. They’re one of her favorite flowers along marigold and winter roses. While enjoying the stars and the flowers, her phone rang. She pulled out from her pocket jeans and answered. 

“Hey Stella, what’s wrong?” her tone instantly changed to concerning. 

On the phone a woman who’s one of her friends and coworkers for S.H.I.E.L.D. “Hey Natasha, I know you’re on vacation but you need to come back. The Time machine had not been working.” Stella said on the phone. 

“Have you tried rebooting or shutting down the machine?” Natasha said, trying to figure out the solution. 

“Yes, I did it a few times. Also, I add fuel before doing anything. I need it to have it running by tomorrow.” Stella said with anxiousness. 

“Just send me the data on my phone and I’ll check it out what’s the problem. If it’s something too serious, I’ll fly back to the Headquarters to fix it.” Already, browsing her phone to check the data that was being sent to her. 

On her mother’s side, she got the brains, but on her father’s side the physique of a fighter. Growing up without alive parents had made her determined to learn to be prepared to protect herself and any loved ones that matter to her. The heiress had joined S.H.I.E.L.D around after high school. At first, she was stubborn to be part of the next generation of the Avengers until Director Maria Hill gave her old videos of her late grandfather, Tony Stark aka Ironman. 

Beside being named after one of the original members, Natasha Romanoff aka Black Widow, also gave her another reason to join. Both of them had made sacrifices to save the planet and the population. The least she could do was to honor them and not to let their death be in vain. 

After searching up to find any problem that was causing the machine not working, Natasha sighed and called back Stella. 

“Hey Stella, it’s a bigger problem than we thought. I’ll catch a flight asap. I’ll see you later then.” Once the call was over, the woman got up to go back to the palace to pack up to leave 

By the time she got to her room packing up, a knock was heard. “Come in.” She said. 

Historia opened the door to enter then closed it. “Natasha...we owed you an apology.” The queen noticed her granddaughter packing up her things. 

“Are you planning to go back home already?” She was concerned. 

“Yeah, there’s an emergency that needs me.” the heiress sounded vague.

“Oh dear, is Pepper getting worse?” Historia frowned from being worried for the older woman.  

“No and thank god it’s not that emergency. I just need to go.” The truth was only nana knew about Natasha being part of the Avengers. If her Eldian grandparents were aware, they would become overprotective and prevent her from joining. It’s best this remains a secret plus she’s a grown woman who can make decisions. 

“Honey, if your leaving became the argument earlier, we are sorry. Please don’t leave. We’ll hear your side of the story in the morning.” The blonde queen pleaded with her only granddaughter to stay. Historia had missed her. They may have differences, but her love for her is big as the rest of the family. Her fear was seeing her granddaughter going into a dark path. 

Natasha sighed as she finished packing. “It’s not a fight, grandma.” 

“Then what is it?” She said as trying to understand Natasha. She has become very mysterious and distant towards everyone except her only remaining son and her youngest daughter, Kuchel who is taking an internship in Hizuru for political foreign affairs as her major. To the rest, Natasha shuts them out. 

“It’s just work. A colleague of mine called me and said that they found some documents but it’s in some ancient language they haven't seen.” The heiress said. 

“Can they send it to you through your phone or laptop?” Historia said. 

“No, they are old and ancient so they’re fragile. I will have to look at them closer and decode into English.” The young woman hated lying to her grandmother. If she told her the truth, more drama would erupt and right now; the young Ackerman wasn’t in the mood for another drama. 

Of course, Historia felt her granddaughter was not being honest to her, but she will let it slide. Maybe after she comes back, they will talk about it. 

“Alright then. Do you need the driver to take you to the airport?” Historia offered her help. 

“Yeah that would be appreciative. Thank you, grandma.” The dark haired woman said. 

After she left the palace, Natasha arrived at the International airport. The heiress got through security measurements until she finally entered her terminal where the plane awaits for passengers. She goes find her seat number. As Natasha Ackerman took her seat, a man who was already seated by the window had taken a glance at her. The heiress was minding her own business until she saw the man staring at her. 

“May I help you?” She said annoyingly. If this is some under covered paparazzi, she’ll throw him out of the window. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare at you.” He went back to reading his book.

The brunette also went back to reading but she took another quick glance at the man which by the way, he was hot. He probably has long hair since it was tied into a bun only a few strands of hair sticks out from the forehead. The one thing that caught her attention was his emerald green eyes. 

For hours the flight was boring. Not once has that hot guy haven’t started a conversation. She probably made a bad impression. She made a yawning sound since dawn is about to rise soon. The heiress can take a couple hours nap before the plane arrives at her destination. Her eyes slowly closed as she fell asleep. While in a deep sleep, her head slowly leans to lay on the hot stranger’s shoulder. A light deep chuckle was heard along a few words. 

“Always and forever, Eve.” Natasha doesn’t know whether it was a dream or not. The way it sounds had made her feel safe and sound. It was the best two hour nap she ever had. When she woke up, almost everyone was gone including the hot guy. She was about to get up, but the woman saw a winter rose on her lap. The heiress picked it up and smelled the rose. This strange man was mysterious and smooth. Whoever was this guy, he made her day. 

(End flashback)

Eve had looked back from the events that lead to now. The time machine that she helped to make it work had glitched which sent her to this era. Luckily, it was in Paradis, but it was the time where this side of the world was going through a huge change that caused a huge war. She remembered World History about Eldian history along with those affected. What’s worse is that she encountered and fell in love with one of the notorious historical figures, Eren Jaeger. The brunette let out a frustrating scream then kicked the poor little rock on the ground. 

“Damn you, Eren. Why did you have to walk into my life?” She sighed. How long had she been here? Weeks? Months? It felt like years and Eve just missed home where she can cuddle up in her bed while eating coffee flavor ice cream with oreos while watching some cheesy romantic movies on Netflix. 

She saw a group of people with green caped hoods. The Ackerman from the future quickly hides within the trees. The heir decided to climb up to hide better. As she was about to grab the branch close to her reach, it snapped which she fell from the tree. Eve closed her eyes to wait for the hard fall. Instead, she opened her eyes to see a very familiar green eyes. 

“Eve, you should be careful. These woods are dangerous. What are you doing here by the way?” Eren said while carrying her in bridal style. 

The heiress realized Eren had caught her from falling. This feels awkward and painful. His hurtful words were still fresh on her mind. She glared at him then scoffed. 

“I don’t need to explain myself to you so I would appreciate it if you would put me down.” She said with a cold tone. 

Eren wasn’t amused with her coldness towards him. After all, he did leave things on bad terms. “Did you follow me? Damn you woman. You just can’t take a hint of rejection.” 

Oh no. He did not just say that. Natasha’s pride begins to boil with rage. That asshole has some nerves.

“Excuse me? Like hell, I would follow you! Seriously, are you this much of a dick? You know what. I’m just gonna leave.” She humped, then turned around to leave. Eren stopped her by grabbing her arm. 

“Hey, wait. It’s best to come with us since you’ll get yourself lost here.” She glanced at him annoyingly. 

“I can handle myself, thanks.” She said stubbornly. 

“Eve, I’m serious. I don’t want you to be alone in the woods especially when we’re at war.” His tone had become a bit aggressive due to her stubbornness. 

“Why do you care? You left me at the inn. You made it clear that all I was someone to warm up your bed.” Tears were threatening to come out, but she was holding in. 

“I care enough for an innocent being in the crossfire when shit goes down.” Eren said. 

“How fucking noble you are?” She said sarcastically. 

Eren grunt from her attitude. Without saying much, he gripped her arm to drag her to where the Garrison and MPs soldiers were making campgrounds for the night. 

“Hey, let go! Eren, where are you taking me?” She was trying to free herself from his strong grip. 

“You ask too much.” He grumbled. They reached the campsite. 

“Jaeger! Who do you have here?” One of the garrison soldiers shouted as they were spotted. 

The heiress gave up the struggle as Eren took her. “Just a bratty acquaintance that I know back at Trost.”  This made her scoffed at him. 

“Oh hello there, dollface. I’m Rick. What’s your name?” Great. This random soldier is hitting on her. She was about to say something, but Eren beats to it. 

“She doesn’t like being called a dollface.” Eren was getting irritated. 

“But I don’t mind introducing myself. Hello there, I’m Eve. it’s nice to meet you.” Her tone became too flirty for Eren already glaring at her. She finally jerks her arm off from his grip. 

Rick blushed from Eve’s bold gesture. “That’s a pretty name.” 

Eve gave one of her man-eating smirk. “You don’t mind showing me around the campsite, soldier.” She wrapped her arms around the garrison soldier’s arm which he gladly led her to the campsite leaving a very moody Eren behind.  

(Eren)

Oh the inner conflict he’s struggling with not grabbing Eve and claiming those addictive lips. This isn’t just a cute jealousy that he usually gets. This is the angry jealousy. Damn her, she definitely can get him under his skin. Eren closed his eyes as he took a deep breath to calm down. 

“Don’t lose it. Fight.” He mumbled to himself. 

Eren started walking. Connor stopped him. “What’s wrong? You look like a bobcat ready to attack.” 

“It’s nothing. I just have a headache.” The titan shifter walked away. Connor glanced to see the strange girl talking to the fiery red hair soldier. 

While Eren was walking to start making his tent, a cough sound was heard behind him. He turned around to see it was Commander Dok. 

“Oh hello Commander Dok. Is there something you need to talk about?” Eren gave his attention to the Commander of the Military Police. 

“Yes. Matter in fact, why did you bring a stranger to our secret campsite? We don’t know if the girl is a spy for the invaders. Her accent is not from here or even Marley. I know you want to redeem yourself for the betrayal and the atrocities you have caused in Marley. You’re making it difficult to have my complete trust in you and it’s not just me feeling this way. Commander Rico Brzenska of the Garrison branch also had her mistrust with you.” Niles said. 

“Commander, I understand you and Brzenska are on edge, especially the templars that took over the island. Eve is not a spy I assure you. She probably followed me since we left on bad terms. She’s harmless. Both of you have nothing to worry about.” Eren took a glimpse at his ex who was still being too friendly with the other soldier. 

Niles sighed and nodded. “She’s your responsibility if she does anything suspicious, Jaeger.” 

Eren nodded in response. “Of course, sir.”  

Niles walked away to let the titan shifter finish setting his tent. Again, the Eldian man took a sneak peak at the spunky woman. She was finally alone which it ease his agonizing heart. He knew this was his fault for leaving her after the promises he told her in their pillow talks. Eren felt the guilt for breaking her heart as the scene of her reaction when he told her off. 

It’s like the Path pulled them together. He can try to distance himself from her, but in the end she will always be in his thoughts. When he met her, Eren was frustrated and distracted. His distraction became curiosity to finally get to know her. Eren quickly focused back on his tent as Eve glanced back at him. Both are stubborn when it comes to their relationship dynamics. He always was the strong, protective alpha hero while as for her; she was playful, fun, and loving. There was another side of Eve that he noticed in their weeks of being together. 

The sky started to get a bit dark as the sun slowly set on the horizon. Rico Brzenska glanced at the new girl. 

“You. Go be useful and bring firewood.” She ordered Eve which the heiress became annoyed but got up to go into the deeper woods. 

“Jaeger, go make sure she does it.” Rico said to Eren who already started walking to follow Eve into the deep woods. 

Eren kept walking on the thin path of the woods as it gets dense the further he’s away from the campsite. The woods looked lush green with trees and old huge trunks that laid on the ground for centuries covered in green plants and wildflowers. The moist made the temperature drop a bit cooler, but to the titan shifter it doesn’t bother him. He was getting irritated from not finding his girl- no, she’s not his...anymore. 

“Where is she?” He whispered then a familiar purple skirt caught his attention. He turned to spotted Eve picking up a couple of sticks. Slowly, Eren walked towards her. 

Eve was aware Eren was tailing after her. She gets up and pretends he doesn’t exist. It only took a few steps for the atmosphere to change between them. Eren felt his predator desiring his prey. All she was a manipulative, promiscuous, vixen. Eren may be the type to get mad easily, but with her it was another level. He remembered earlier the way she flirted with Richie or was it Ricky? He doesn’t care to know about the soldier’s name. Eren watched her pace speed up  until she sprint into running. She had dropped the sticks to speed further. Eren ran after her. The adrenaline of chasing her made his bloodstream pump more. 

Eren smirked when Eve trip but recovered from placing her hand on the tree. Her breathing was shallow from the running. He was already behind her pressing his chest on her back which she became stiff. 

“I know what you were trying to do earlier with that soldier.” His voice became raspy. He can hear her heart beating faster. His warm breath tickling her ear and neck. 

The heiress bit her lips from not letting out a single moan or sound. Oh god, he’s making it harder to hate him. Of course, she can’t hate him. He’s always known how to drive her crazy for him. How his sexy voice made her panties ruin. She let her eyes closed to continue listening to his godly husky tone.  

“You have been pissing me off, baby. Trying to make me jealous huh?” A growl had escaped from his lips. 

“Trying? I had no intention of making you jealous.” Eve finally speaks. 

“Don’t play dumb with me, Eve. I know you. I gotta give it to you. You’re persistent. There’s one question that’s bothering me the most.” He said

“What would that be?” She said. 

“Why didn’t the power of the Founding Titan work on you to erase your memories of me?” Eren had that question from the back of his mind since he caught her from falling from the tree. 

Eve had stayed quiet again. She is trying so hard to not want to answer that question. It should affect her since she has Eldian blood in her. Unless, she is a descendant of the Ackerman clan like Mikasa and Captain Levi. 

“I want you to be honest with you, Eve.” He tried to change his tone to softer for her. All she did was laugh like it was the funniest joke. 

“Honest? You are a funny guy to be demanding me to be honest with you, Eren Jaeger.” Her grey eyes glared dangerously in a way that’s familiar to him again. 

“Ever since I met you, you haven’t been honest with me either. You didn’t want to tell me of your plans whenever you claimed you had meetings to go. Recently, you have been pinning me on the tree because you got possessive of me. For a man who claims to have no feelings for me; this shouldn’t bother you whether who I flirt with.” Both lock their eyes in a staring contest. 

“So if you want me to be honest then you fucking better stop with your bullshit of pushing and pulling my heart. I know you still love me and feel that desire just as much I feel for you. Eren, whatever this secret it is, I will share your burden. I love you so much that I don’t want you to feel alone in this secret plan you needed to do. Maybe, I can offer you another alternative if you need it.” Now, her tone became compassionate. 

“There’s no alternative way if there were I would choose the best and safest one.” He said. 

“How would you know that? Have you considered it?” She said. 

“No, but trust me I know. I have the knowledge of truth. I saw how the future will become if I don’t do it.” He was getting frustrated. A part of him wants to tell her, but it’s too risky for anyone to know even for her. Eren doesn’t want anything terrible to happen to her. Just as she said, he loves her. 

“Then tell me what did you see in the future? I want to understand you. Let me in, please.” Her hands are placed on his cheeks to gently caress them.

“I can’t. Please, understand that. I want to protect you and our people. It’s better than my brother’s method on saving Eldians.” He scoffed at the idea that Zeke had to save the Eldians. 

“What was your brother’s plan? Can you at least tell me that?” She was curious what his brother had in mind to save the Eldian race?

“He wanted to sterilize all Eldians in order to stop the curse by dying out slowly and peacefully.” He explained. 

“That’s an indirect genocide.” She was a bit distrubed. 

“We don’t deserve to die out so in a way I betray my brother by doing this. That’s the future I want to see where Eldians are free from the curse and are at peace to live and enjoy this world that’s our birthright.” He said. 

“No, we don’t. Nobody deserves to be annihilated as well…” She whispered. This caught his attention. Does she….had she figured it out what’s his plan?” His green eyes glared at her. 

“You knew it. How did you figure out my plan? Eve, you have been mysterious since we met. So tell me, who are you for real? Is Eve even your real name?” His tone was skeptical. 

“I...Eren, if I told you, you might think I’m crazy or making shit up.” Her eyes looked afraid  but not because of him. 

“I don’t think whatever you���ll say will top for the crazy shit I have seen through the Path, but you can try to humor me.” Eren still giving a pinning stare. 

“First of all, Eve is my name. Well, my middle name. I’m Natasha Eve Ackerman-Stark. I’m the granddaughter of Queen Historia Ackerman nee Reiss and King Consort Levi Ackerman. Basically, I’m from the future.” Natasha waits nervously for his reaction. 

Eren blinked at first taking in this information. He doesn’t know what to say. It kind of made all sense how she had strengthened, sharp aiming skills. Now that he observed better, she got Levi’s colored eyes but her eye shape could be more on her mother's side. He would have not believed her if he hadn’t seen her Ackerman traits that gave away. That also makes sense in why she was immune to the Founding Titan power. He can’t believe she’s from the future. What actually happened? Did his plan work? Are we free? These questions were taking over his thoughts. 

“Eren...please say something.” Natasha whispered in worry. 

“I’m just taking all in from what you just said. So their baby survived? Wow, if Levi finds out I slept with his granddaughter; I don’t think he’ll let me live.” He chuckled at that thought. The heiress grumbled at that thought. 

“Yeah well, he got no saying about my love life.” her tone sounded resentment. 

“Do you have a good relationship with Levi?” He was curious. 

“Not really. I don’t have a good relationship with them. Our mindsets are a bit different.” She doesn’t want to talk about her issues with her grandparents yet. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He said. “So what happened or is that against  the rules when you traveled to the past?”

“We are still cursed but with good foreign relations with the rest of the world, the United Nations are now involved in managing to make sure who gets to inherit the nine titans so any babies with the blood of Subject Of Ymir won’t inherit when they are born. There’s still discrimination but segregation like in Marley had become illegal including every nation since a special law was passed to protect ever Eldians.” She explained. 

“Ah I see. So what happened to me?” If he somehow tried to wipe out the rest of the world except Eldians then there’s a chance he would not live. 

“What the history books say, you were executed for treason to the military and to my grandmother as she represents the nation of Paradis, but I heard rumors that they fake it to please the other nations as their agreement for the treaty Paradis have with the rest of the world. You were known as a war criminal and anti- humanity to everyone who studied history. Some say you are still alive and locked away in the deep deep grounds in a secret lab being studied like a labrat until the curse kills you.” Eren grunted. In the end no one was free. They were still cursed and he probably was a slave to be a test subject for titan science. 

“That doesn’t sound right. I should be dead either way since I have a few years left.” Eren said. 

“I wish it was true the rumor so when I do go back my time, I can free you.” her tone sounded sad. She thought what the future Eren will be like? Is he cold? How do they treat him? But like he said, he’ll be gone way before her existence. 

 It’s best to just appreciate he is here and ok. She grabs his hand to press her palm to his. Eren looked down curiously at her. He let her do whatever she tended to do with his hand. 

“I’ll be dead so you don’t have to worry about freeing me.” He whispered. Eren pulled her gently to have their bodies pressed against each other. 

“When are you going back to your time?” He continues. 

“Um, I don’t know...the thing is I came here accidentally. I was helping a colleague with a time machine, the facility I worked at. So, I’m stuck until I figure out how to get back home.” She doesn’t want to leave even without him. 

“You know, I never planned to fall for you, Eren Jaeger. You are nothing like what history has taught us. You’re much more humane than most people my nana used to deal with as a CEO.” Her arms wrap around his neck which his hands place on her hips. 

“Same, you have been a distraction to my plan. In a way, history has changed because of you. The world better be thanking you for that.” He said jokingly. Eren kissed her forehead affectionately. “Eve or I should call you Natasha?” 

“To be safe, let’s stick to Eve.” She said. 

“Alright, but I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. I don’t mean to say these words at the inn. I thought it was best for you to hate me so you don’t get closer to me when I did plan on going through eradicating the population except Eldians. WHen I realized that I have fallen for you, I got scared thinking of losing you. I did the same with Armin and Mikasa. Armin forgave me but Mikasa; I don’t think she will ever.” Eren confessed. 

“Eren, I forgive you. I felt relieved you still feel the same way about me as I do to you. Don’t give up on Mikasa, a person who has cared about you for a long time will not easily hold a grudge against you. Just give her time, but don’t be scared to tell how sorry you are and as for her forgiveness.” She punched his arm which he rubbed his arm. 

“Hey what was that.” He pouted. 

“That’s for you being an idiot in believing all the people who cared about you will hate you easily for planning an apocalyptic disaster. I know you said there’s no other way, but can you try to consider it? I don’t want to lose my other family. I know they didn’t do anything wrong. Some didn't deserve it.” Eren sighed. If the outcome hasn’t happened as he hoped for then maybe he’ll consider it.  

“The only thing I want to know is how will the curse be broken?” Eren wants to be cursed to be destroyed to free their people from being hated and feared by the rest of the world. That's one of his big concerns. 

“We’ll figure it out together. Plus, I have a talent for finding very hidden documents. So we’ll make sure our people will not have to worry about it.” She assured him and gave one of her warmth smiles. 

“Jaeger! Eve! Where are you?” A familiar voice was heard by those two. Eren pulled Eve to hide behind a very wide tree as they saw Ricky or whatever his name was. Now Eren’s mood had shifted to annoyance. 

“Seriously, why does he have to come? He’s probably volunteering to be close to you.” He grumbled. Eve blushed embarrassingly. Yeah, she does have flaws to pissed off people or make them jealous. She felt guilty for making him feel that way, She was so hurt that she wanted to see him be hurt too. 

Eren noticed her face blushed which made his annoyance become irritated. He possessively wraps his arm around her waist to hold her closer to him. Once the garrison soldier gives up and goes back to the campsite, both are alone again. This time Eren turned her to face him. She was about to speak when his lips crashed against hers. The fiery feeling spread all over her body. She moaned how passionate and deep his kiss had become. Her fingers move up to his long hair to run through it. Low key, seeing Eren this jealous made her belly flutter. The way his green eyes become intense and darken; it’s just too irresistible for her. Eren pushed her against the tree to pin her again. The pleasure consuming both as the lusting feeling drunkenly blinded them. 

Eve was her own person that Eren knows, but he’s possessive. He wanted to leave his markings on her so others would back off. Their dynamic is like those impulsiveness couples that are addictive and passionate with each other. He loved how her body responded to his touches. It’s like only he has the power to make her tremble and beg for more. The same vice versa as how Eve acts towards him. In a way they are both similar. They made be in the woods but that won’t stop to go further. Their bodies already yearn for each other. His hands had unbuttoned her blouse to run his tongue all over her exposing breasts. 

Soft moans were coming from her own lips. She was panting loud and heavy. It made Eren’s prides swell from seeing her looking like a hot mess. His hand goes under her purple skirt to feel how soaking wet her panties are. His lips hovered to her ear. 

“My dollface is so wet for me. Isn’t that right, baby? Come on, speak.” He said huskily. 

“Mmmm I-I...Eren.” She struggled to form a sentence. He chuckled how lost she is from his touch. His finger slides her panties down as one of her legs is removed so only her panties dangle on the other leg.  

“Come on, babe, answer my question.” He teased her. Eren resumed attending her nipples with his mouth which Eve let out a squeal. 

“Fuck...Eren I-I a-am w-wet for y-you.” Finally she completed her phrase. 

“Good girl. Remember I’m the only one who can make you wet.” He continued whispering to her. All she could feel was his fingers inside her deep. She started to rock her hips grinding in and out of his fingers. Eren is amused at how eager she is for him. His finger was covered in her warm slick when he pulled out to see. 

“Eren, I need you.” She began to make way to his pants from undoing it. He stopped her then pinned her hands over her head on the tree. “Why should I allow you to get what you want? You've been a bad girl earlier.” 

“I’m sorry, I’ll be a good girl.” Eve biting her lips. She’s definitely a seductress. Eren’s manhood throbbing to be free in his pants. He grunts at being allured to her desire. He planned to just tease her to learn her lesson. 

He subconsciously begins to unbutton his pants to pull down a bit low enough for his cock to be free.  Eren hiked up her long skirt to have her leg lift to be placed on his hip while inserting his cock into her hole. The heiress tilted her head up to moan how good it feels to have him stretching her walls. He stared into her eyes as his hips began to thrust hard and deep. They feel the blissful sensation from being so intimated with each other. He kisses her neck as the woods are now dark but the moonlight shines on where they stand. To Eren, Eve looked like a goddess of the night seducing a man like him. He loved how the moonlight soaks into her skin that gives off a glow. He continues thrusting into her with a bit more roughness. He doesn’t want to speed up to make this mystical sight before him last longer. Her chocolate brown hair spread on the tree trunk. He listens to the echoes of her moanings  and whimpers. 

Yes, she is his. No matter the outcome; they always belong together. He’ll fight for that. 

“You’re always mine. Even when we get separated, you’re mine. I love you always and forever.” He proclaimed. 

“You’re always mine too. Just don’t ever pull that shit on me again. I love you always forever.” The titan shifter saw her tears fall and he kissed it from the guilt he felt how he treated her even if it was for her sake. 

Eren sped up a bit more to increase the high of pleasure for both of them. “Ohh god ohh fuck Eren.” Her moaning became loud while he growls and groans. Finally, he let out a moan when he made a release inside her soon after Eve came as well. Both stopped to rest for a second then slowly Eren pulled out to clean his tip before tucking his cock back into his pants and button again. 

Eve started to slide her panties back up then button up her blouse. She fixes her long skirt appropriately and her hair to look presentable. 

“Oh shit, it’s dark and I’m gonna get yelled for not bringing sticks for the fire.” She forgot what was her main purpose being in the woods. “You can be such a distraction.” 

Eren winked then grabbed her hand to lead her back to the campsite. “I’m not sorry. We’ll get some on our way back to the camp.” 

Along their way back, both of them gather many sticks of wood to burn for the fire. By the time they got to their destination, Rico glared at the both of them. 

“Well well, are you both done fucking like two animals during heat season? Next time, bring the woods when I order too. Seriously, you both have some weird kinks in being loud enough for anyone very close to hear.” Luckily, her voice wasn’t loud for anyone to hear her calling both couples out. Eren and Eve blushed embarrassingly from being scolded like misbehaving teenagers. After Rico finished scolding, she left them alone for them to place the wood close to the pit. Eren let Eve for her to put some wood into the fire to make it big to warm around the campsite. He walked to where Connor was resting against the log. “You look happy for once.” Connor glanced at him. Eren had a smile from the event that happened in the woods. “Yeah.” 

“Good, don’t let her get away. I had a woman like her, but I was stupid enough to push her away. Don’t make the same  mistake I did, kid.” The Assassin closed his eyes to resume his nap. 

A/N: My fingers are hurting from typing so much lol. I’ll just leave it like this and let you think about how you guys like this chapter. I know guys wanted to see more of Levi’s ancestor journey. I will do that in the next chapter and add more of Historia too. Enjoy this chapter everyone and happy valentine’s day!!!! Thank you for the reviews and kudos! Also, I have been planning to add Avengers into the crossover. I am just waiting for the right time in the story.

[iamanathemadevice]

A few more recs from recent TV viewing

Dublin Murders (8 episode series): dark, angsty Irish noir, based on two novels by Tana French. Follows Cassie and Rob, two Irish detectives on the murder squad. The murder of a young girl may be linked back to the disappearance of two children in 1985, something Rob was intimately involved in. Meanwhile Cassie also has to deal with her past life when a doppelganger of her undercover role as 'Lexie', is found stabbed to death

If your vision of Ireland in any way involves fields of shamrocks or leprechauns, then this is not for you. If you like really stunning acting, sharp dialogue, and lots and lots of woobiness, then you will like this. Be warned - it's really grim. But Killan Scott suffers so divinely!

Mary and Max (animated movie): "A tale of friendship between two unlikely pen pals: Mary, a lonely, eight-year-old girl living in the suburbs of Melbourne, and Max, a forty-four-year old, severely obese man living in New York."

Claymation for grownups. A beautiful, very funny, sometimes sad story about an unlikely connection between a child from a dysfunctional Australian family in deepest suburbia, and a middle-aged man with an eating disorder and Asperger's syndrome. The voice acting is top-notch, Barry Humphries manages not to fuck up the narration by trying to be amusing, and the details of both Mary and Max's lives are lovingly created in plasticine.

TW: Suicide attempt, mental illness, depression, death.

Sherlock (TV movie): "Early in his crime-solving career, Sherlock Holmes attempts to prevent Moriarty from cornering the heroin market."

Okay, I wanted to watch this for one reason - James D'Arcy as Sherlock Holmes. I expected schlock and got something a lot better, though it's far from the best Sherlock creation on screen. This Holmes and Watson origin story is best treated as an alternate universe, having very little connection to the Doyle version. Holmes is a dog after women, he's a cheerful addict, and a bit of an attention seeker. Watson is a fat, grumpy police mortician prone to making predictions which are amusingly wrong. Richard E Grant plays Mycroft as a former heroin addict who suffered some kind of stroke from it, and who was supplied by Moriarty. And Moriarty himself is played by a scene-chewing Vincent d'Onofrio, because of course there were no British or Irish actors available to play the role ;)

All filmed in Romania, it's suitably dark and smoky and sleazy. D'Arcy is another actor who suffers divinely, and he gives it his all in this odd duck of a filmed

Perfect Creature (TV movie): Kiwi steampunk, with vampires

Another odd film, not entirely successful but which earns A+ for effect, set in an alternative New Zealand, which posits that vampires are considered to be protectors of the human race, sent by God. They live in a cloister, forswear bodily pleasure, wear black, and are all miserable and dull as fuck. One of them is Silus, played by a subdued, almost freeze-dried Dougray Scott, and another is his half-brother, Edgar (by far the more interesting of the two, and course he's the villain.) Saffron Burrows plays a plucky human cop who has to ally herself with Silus to stop Edgar when the latter's plan to turn humans into vampires creates a pandemic (while a flu epidemic is also raging.)

The pandemic details made for uncomfortable watching for obvious reasons. The city is all grimy and smoky and poor and heartless, and everyone is running about in long coats and dresses, though it's supposedly set in 1960.

I had two problems with this - Dougray Scott's weird affect, and the central premise which supposed that vampires were considered genetically separate from humans and but been able to breed with them once upon a time. No baby vampire has been born for 70 years. Despite that, I wondered why a group of fit men with super powers and immortality would meekly submit to the boring servitude being a 'brother' demands. All I can say is that I totally understood Edgar :)

An interesting timewaster which looks like it was intended to be a pilot for a TV series which never got made. Worth watching if you want to see another off the wall Kiwi movie, one which Taika Waititi had nothing to do with this time :)

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #184 & 185

Thur Aug 22 2019 [12:35 AM] Wack'd: We still haven't resolved why kidnappers kidnapped Agatha who kidnapped Franklin so we're probably back to that in [12:35 AM] Wack'd: FANTASTIC FOUR VOL 1 #184 [12:35 AM] Bocaj: I hope someone kidnaps the kidnapper's kidnapper [12:35 AM] maxwellelvis: I'd like to at least see the covers for these, but I guess we're too far in now. [12:36 AM] Wack'd: You can just...go to Marvel Wiki and punch in issue numbers? [12:36 AM] Wack'd: There's a reason I don't post covers often [12:36 AM] maxwellelvis: yeah [12:36 AM] Wack'd: So Reed has had...a very long day [12:37 AM] Wack'd: And for once in his life lets his family take care of him and get him into bed [12:37 AM] Wack'd: Mostly because he was literally passing out, but still [12:37 AM] maxwellelvis: And probably because he no longer has the physical ability to resist their efforts to get him to take a break [12:37 AM] Wack'd: Also true [12:40 AM] Wack'd: So Ben calls to check in with Alicia ( 🎵 checking in with Alicia / Alicia what's uuuuup 🎶) [12:40 AM] Wack'd: And Alicia, on Sue's orders, doesn't mention what's happened to Franklin to stop him from doing something reckless and stupid [12:41 AM] Wack'd: All the ruckus knocked AUNTIE offline (hey! someone remembered!) and Thundra and Greer are like "actually, fuck this" and leave Ben to clean up the damaaaaay wait a second [12:41 AM] Wack'd: WE FORGOT ABOUT THE HEAT-GENERATING ROBOT [12:41 AM] Wack'd: Gotta circle back to that at some point, probably [12:41 AM] Wack'd: But not right now [12:42 AM] Wack'd: hrrrrrrg

[12:43 AM] Wack'd: Johnny is also leaving, having decided he's not going to harrass Frankie [12:43 AM] Wack'd: Instead, he's gonna get hit by a laser, I guess

[12:44 AM] maxwellelvis: Also, Johnny's dialogue here? CRIMSON BANNER RIGHT THERE [12:44 AM] Wack'd: I have no idea what that means [12:44 AM] maxwellelvis: Red flag [12:45 AM] Wack'd: Oh yeah [12:45 AM] Wack'd: I mean [12:45 AM] maxwellelvis: I mean more so than usual, y'see. [12:45 AM] Wack'd: He's deciding not to harass her until she confesses her deepest traumas and decides to date him again? [12:45 AM] Wack'd: Seems like kind of the opposite [12:45 AM] Wack'd: A green...something [12:46 AM] Bocaj: green street sign [12:46 AM] maxwellelvis: The way he's been acting since finding out she's got a phobia of fire has been... [12:46 AM] maxwellelvis: very much not how you treat that sort of thing, even for the 70's [12:47 AM] Wack'd: hahahahahahahahaahahah this is so fucking stupid i love it

[12:49 AM] Wack'd: So Reed, Sue, and Ben head off to rescue Franklin and Agatha, with Ben shooting off a flare to see if Johnny will notice anything's up [12:49 AM] Wack'd: (He won't) [12:50 AM] Wack'd: And shortly thereafter the Fantasticar is shot by another one of those lasers, which transport them to an even bigger, spookier haunted house than Whisper Hill [12:50 AM] Wack'd: "It's darker than Doctor Doom's soul in here," quips Reed [12:50 AM] Bocaj: Weirdly poetic for him [12:51 AM] Wack'd: They find Johnny, completely out of it, hanging from a banister by his shirt [12:52 AM] Wack'd: And then there is this asshole

[12:52 AM] Wack'd: The Eliminator is here to dispose of any evidence that Agatha Harkness ever lived [12:52 AM] Wack'd: And that includes living evidence [12:52 AM] Wack'd: Fight fight fight [12:53 AM] maxwellelvis: TECHNOMAGES! See! Maria was right! They ARE real! [12:54 AM] Wack'd: Sue is like "okay, fuck this, I'm gonna force field this doofus" [12:54 AM] Wack'd: And then she is atomized [12:54 AM] Wack'd: Len Wein sure likes to set Sue up to do something cool and then have her unceremoniously disposed of [12:55 AM] Wack'd: OH OKAY NEVER MIND [12:55 AM] Wack'd: She only pretended to be atomized so that the Eliminator wouldn't suspect anything if a hit didn't land [12:55 AM] Wack'd: Using invisibility [12:56 AM] Bocaj: As I would say "I can't believe Sue Storm is dead forever and now the book will be about <x inane thing> from now on" [12:56 AM] Wack'd: And then she saves Reed and Ben from getting got, and uses the force fields to block their life signs so Eliminator thinks they're dead [12:56 AM] Bocaj: I guess force fields can do that [12:56 AM] Wack'd: Yep [12:56 AM] Wack'd: Johnny then follows his sister's lead and pretends to blow himself up on a suicide run [12:57 AM] Wack'd: The Eliminator, having eliminated the last of the witnesses to Agatha's existence, congratulates himself on a job well done and starts to self-destruct [12:57 AM] Wack'd: And then the Four all pop to their feet and tell him they're fine. Just to mock him in his dying moments [12:57 AM] Wack'd: And then he explodes [12:57 AM] Bocaj: ... wow [12:58 AM] Bocaj: thats [12:58 AM] Bocaj: wow [12:58 AM] Wack'd: Weirdly cruel actually [12:58 AM] maxwellelvis: That's like something the Seventh Doctor would do [12:58 AM] Wack'd: But he did just try to murder them and may or may not have murdered their prepubescent child and family friend [12:58 AM] Wack'd: So he earned it, honestly [12:59 AM] Wack'd: Anyway [12:59 AM] Wack'd: With that done with they're more determined than ever to find out if Franklin and Agatha are still alive [12:59 AM] Wack'd: (I mean spoilers, they are, but they don't know that) [01:00 AM] Bocaj: Like I said, Agatha is sometimes a ghost and it doesn't mean anything. Vitality is just something that does or doesn't happen [01:00 AM] Wack'd: Maybe she's a lich and she cloned her own body so she could wear it like a suit sometimes [01:00 AM] Wack'd: Who's to say [01:01 AM] Bocaj: Who's to say indeed

Thur Aug 22 2019 [01:02 AM] Wack'd: I dig the hell out of this Gaspar guy's lettering

[01:02 AM] Wack'd: Man I wish hand-lettering was still a thing in comics [01:02 AM] Wack'd: I miss it [01:02 AM] Wack'd: Like there's not necessarily any merit to doing it for dialogue bubbles but for stuff like this it's invaluable [01:03 AM] maxwellelvis: It feels like he just got back from seeing Dr. Strangelove or something for the writer and illustrator credits. [01:03 AM] Wack'd: I got more of a Batman TAS vibe personally [01:03 AM] maxwellelvis: That too [01:03 AM] Wack'd: With the low center of gravity on the Es [01:03 AM] Wack'd: And the big round Os [01:04 AM] maxwellelvis: I just had Strangelove on my mind is all [01:04 AM] Wack'd: It's good lettering [01:04 AM] Wack'd: Anyway, last issue, I forgot to mention because it was on a two-page spread that was rendered [01:04 AM] Wack'd: Really small for some reason [01:04 AM] Wack'd: But they found a metallic egg in the woods outside the big gothic mansion [01:04 AM] Wack'd: And have now determined it's probably where Eliminator came from [01:05 AM] Wack'd: So Reed's doing his workaholic best to figure out something about it to save Franklin and Agatha [01:06 AM] Wack'd: Reed manages to pinpoint the metal to somewhere in the Colorado Rockies [01:07 AM] Wack'd: Also, waaaaaay back in #39 the team lost their powers so Reed's hauled his old extendo-arms from out of the basement to cover for his lack of stretching [01:07 AM] Wack'd: This requires him to wear his 60s uniform for some reason

[01:07 AM] maxwellelvis: They were probably built into the suit. [01:08 AM] Wack'd: And then Sue and Johnny also get into their 60s uniforms because Len Wein seems determined to rehash literally every ounce of the Kirby years for moral support [01:08 AM] maxwellelvis: *literally every ounce of the Kirby years Roy Thomas hasn't already [01:08 AM] Wack'd: Generally when Thomas or even Conway brought back stuff from the past it was to put a new spin on it. Wein seems to just do it because he likes it [01:10 AM] Wack'd: JOHNNY HAS MADE MODIFICATIONS TO THE POGO PLANE [01:10 AM] Wack'd: THIS CAN ONLY GO WELL [01:10 AM] Wack'd: Remember the last time Johnny was allowed to so much as touch this thing he and Medusa got stranded in the Himilayas [01:11 AM] Wack'd: So they land in the Rockys [01:11 AM] Wack'd: And Johnny has built--I shit you not--a hot-rod-in-a-box [01:12 AM] Bocaj: huh [01:12 AM] maxwellelvis: Like, like you throw it on the ground and BOMB! there's a hot rod? [01:13 AM] Wack'd: Some assembly required but the implication is that Johnny has done this in like five minutes

[01:13 AM] Wack'd: And so the Four go exploring in the whopping one tiny town they found in the Rockies in hopes this is anything [01:14 AM] Wack'd: Reed has Ben do his old Ninja Turtle shtick because Len Wein is nostalgic so no one notices them [01:15 AM] Wack'd: Everything about this man screams "trustworthy"

[01:15 AM] Bocaj: That’s impressive facial hair [01:15 AM] Wack'd: Not just a twirly mustache but a beard you can also twirl in two directions [01:15 AM] Wack'd: Also his name is SCRATCH [01:16 AM] Wack'd: You know, like THE DEVIL??? [01:16 AM] Wack'd: The Four find nothing odd about this at all [01:16 AM] KarkatTheDalek: Truly, I have never known a more trustworthy name [01:16 AM] maxwellelvis: "Nick Scratch" [01:16 AM] maxwellelvis: That's not even TRYING [01:17 AM] Wack'd: The Four wander around this tiny town aimlessly for a bit and then give up [01:18 AM] Wack'd: But Agatha sees this from her window and realizes she has to do something, even if it means alerting her captors [01:18 AM] Wack'd: So she raises A GAINT WALL OF FLAMES around--oh right, also this town is named NEW SALEM [01:18 AM] Wack'd: You dinguses [01:18 AM] Bocaj: oh [01:18 AM] Bocaj: New Salem comes back up again for the Scarlet Witch Vision maxi series [01:19 AM] Bocaj: The one where Vision dry humps a mystical pregnancy into Wanda [01:19 AM] Wack'd: Was it ever really time for deception at all? Signs point to "no"

[01:20 AM] Wack'd: "YOU!", Sue yells, like this was a surprise or something

[01:21 AM] Wack'd: Anyway this asshole summons a bunch of gargoyles to fight the Four [01:21 AM] Wack'd: Fight fight fight [01:21 AM] Bocaj: I’m sick of fighting silly fights! [01:21 AM] Bocaj: heeheehee [01:21 AM] Wack'd: "No one had yet considered that I could hit people hard with things"

[01:22 AM] Bocaj: A force field with momentum is a blunt object and trauma [01:22 AM] Wack'd: Anyway they best all the gargoyles so Nick Scratch unleashes his most terrifying plan yet [01:23 AM] Wack'd: "Why're you hitting yourself, why're you hitting yourself, why're you hitting yourself"

[01:23 AM] Wack'd: Also this is a thing that happens

[01:25 AM] maxwellelvis: I wonder if, when these two were kids, and Franklin Storm had to tell young Sue to stop hitting her brother, if he ever imagined that ^ would happen? [01:26 AM] Wack'd: I think if his powers of foresight were that good he wouldn't have gone to prison and then died tragically [01:26 AM] Wack'd: Anyway, they're defeated, darkest hour, yada yada yada let's get on with it

[xavantina]

I got my hands on a copy of the new Euroman for @idontfindyouthatinteresting, and I took the opportunity to translate some of the interview as well. I tried scanning the article, but my scanner is broken, so you’ll have to make due with iPhone pics of the photos until someone with a working scanner gets in the game.

Rest of the photos and the interview under the cut.

The interview itself was a monster of a thing with lots and lots of flowery descriptions of random scenery, so I cut it down to just the questions, though a few highlights of the rest include:

When he was knighted the Queen of Denmark told him she liked Flame and Citron and he was like ‘fuck yeah’.

He rolls up with his classic bedroom eyes, mismatched tracksuit, and worn sneakers, and just needs a smoke before they go in.

The reporter thinks it’s pointless for a hairdresser to style Mads’ hair because it’s amazing already.

Mads goes around introducing himself to everyone in the room with “Hi. My name is Mads.”

He speaks very fast in Danish.

Onward with the questions:

Q. You were an unknown dancer for ten years before you became an actor. In terms of staying grounded, has it been an advantage for you that you had your breakthrough at such a mature age?

A. Yes, I think so. I probably wouldn’t have had problems staying grounded even if I had been 20 years old. But I think it’s harder for a 17-year-old today, where you can have your breakthrough on a whole different platform and gain three million followers, or whatever the hell they have. It’s obvious that if everyone thinks you’re cool, and you’re told so a bit too often, then you start thinking ‘yeah, I am. I’m cool’. It’s easier to handle being recognized in the street when you’re 32, than when you’re 17. I think.

 Q. Your James Bond co-star Jesper Christensen has said that he can no longer enter a public space and just sit there observing, because everyone is always staring at him. He can no longer gain inspiration for his work from real life– from ‘ordinary people’ – like he used to. Do you feel the same way?

A. It’s a terrible loss. It’s not that I’ve always been preparing to be an actor, but I’ve always been curious. Even as a child, I would sit in different places and watch what was happening over there, human behavior, the way they looked and the way they walked. Always. And too often I started copying people when I saw them. I would sit just like them for a while, just to try how it felt. That’s over now. Whenever I’m out somewhere, 50 people are sitting around staring at me. Then I have to worry about scratching my nose, and there’s 40 camera phones in my face. Then I have to go to a different country.

Q. Don’t you get recognised abroad?

A. They know me around the world to various degrees. There are definitely many places where they don’t care at all, but James Bond, Star Wars, and Marvel movies, all of which I’ve starred in, have a great reach. The happy result of this is that people become curious about me as an actor, so I’m often stopped abroad because people know me from The Green Butchers or The Hunt. That’s super cool.

Q. Is it important for you to get recognition in the business? And do you?

A. A foreign colleague whom I have great respect for told me that he and three friends would sit down and watch the Pusher trilogy every weekend. That made me happy. Recognition from colleagues is important. Recognition from yourself is just much more important. You can get into a cycle where you go around constantly patting each other on the back because you need it so badly in my line of work. We’re judged all the time. It’s really hard, and so we probably have a tendency to praise each other more than we should. You should be happy when other people think what you’re doing is great, but you need to remember to consider what you think about it personally. ‘Was this what I wanted? Yes, okay, fine. Next time I might go in this direction instead.’ That’s important. And it’s the same if what people are saying about you sucks. There are many opinions out there. And if you start reading on social media you’ll never get to bed. You should stay away from that.

Q. Where do you find material and inspiration when you can’t go people-watching anymore? Do you have a memory bank you draw from?

A. Probably. I can also sit and watch people on screen, television and so on. But inspiration should primarily come from the script and the director. But I really miss sitting around and watching other people, and I certainly miss them not staring at me. I don’t try to hide though, I never wear a cap or anything. Sunglasses annoy the hell out of me, so I don’t use those at all. Luckily I‘m forgetful: I walk outside in the morning and don’t spend a second wondering how it’s going to be when I arrive somewhere – whether I’ll be recognized, I mean. That’s not just something I’m saying. I get in my car and drive somewhere and enter wherever I’m going, and don’t think about it at all. It’s not until people do this (Mads widens his eyes and turns his head) and do a double check that I’m reminded what it’s like. And that’s good, because otherwise I’d never leave the house.

Q. But you haven’t always been famous – in Hollywood you were a total unknown in the beginning. As the unknown from a small country did you have to work to earn the respect from people around you when you did your first foreign films?

A. I never consciously considered that I had to do something to make them listen to me. If I thought something could be done differently, I haven’t been afraid of going up to people and telling them. Obviously it’s not like it is in Denmark where I can just call Thomas Vinterberg up and say ‘hey, I just had an idea, won’t you come over?’ A Hollywood director on a big movie has maybe 30 actors on his list and everybody wants something from him, so the scale is different. But I still speak up, if there’s something wrong, and only if I’m serious about it. If I’m not serious about it, we just start working on whatever we’re doing.

Q. Are you treated differently on set now that you’re a bigger star?

A. Yes. I was very surprised with first time I was part of a large foreign production. We were on set, and I approached someone from the light-crew to ask about something. Then he looked down at the ground and didn’t answer. Turns out there had been this big name actor, whose name I can’t be bothered to mention, who had just done a movie with this crew, and the crew was under strict orders to never look this actor in the eyes. So there I was, a product of all this. Those were the kind of things I had to get used to. Luckily I found out that if I just focused on my work in the same way I usually did my surroundings would relax pretty quickly. They care more about things abroad than they do in Denmark. I’ve had some pretty weird experiences on foreign jobs. For example, I’m often assigned a so-called handler. Someone who meets me at the airport and helps with checking in and stuff like that. Which is fine, if you’re in Beijing and your have no idea where you’re going. But on foreign gigs I’ve also tried being a assigned a handler at Copenhagen Airport, who is supposed to follow me and help me. That’s pretty absurd, since I’ve checked in 2000 times before in Copenhagen and know how to do it. A handler is always dressed really nicely too, so everybody at the airport ends up staring at me even more. That’s a weird service.

Q. How about the treatment you receive from the other stars, or the business as a whole? How do you experience the hierarchy in Hollywood?

A. When I worked with Benedict Cumberbatch in Doctor Strange and with Daniel Craig in Casino Royale it was their first big films as well, so the hierarchy wasn’t crazy. I’ve been spared from meeting someone abroad who was a real hot shot or just tired of doing what they were doing. There are plenty of people with attitude, plenty of large personalities, but I’ve met very few proper divas who are impossible to work with. The few I have met have been here at home. It’s actually a myth, that this is a diva business. If you did an inquiry and compared us to bus drivers or doctors for example, I think actors would rate much lower than them on the diva-scale. We’re very conscious about not behaving like divas, so everyone tries to act natural. Nobody wants to be branded like that. And when one finally comes along, which obviously happens, then it’s so exciting, and it sounds like the whole business is infected with them. But holy shit, man, how many little kings in their little kingdoms have you met driving the 8 Line?

 Q. Your generation, which had its breakthrough 20-25 years ago, has taken up a lot of space back here at home and internationally. You’ve become…

A. You can say ‘old’. We’ve gotten bloody old.

Q. Has it only now become clear how much space you take up?

A. No. I think it was obvious from the beginning. We were a generation that grew up with a big fascination for certain foreign films. Many of us had Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola in common. There weren’t’ many Danish films we could relate to. [here follows a whole bit about Danish movie history that no one outside Denmark will care about, so I’m skipping it] We felt like we were living in the 50’s. We were watching foreign movies like ‘Taxi Driver’ and saying to each other ‘is this from 1975?’ What have we done in Denmark this year? It was crazy. Completely crazy. Obviously something had to be done. And it was. We grew in different directions but suddenly the gap wasn’t so wide… I mean, we were no longer being told what it was like to be a teenager by an 88 year old director. We were the same age and we communicated directly. Just like Scorsese and De Niro in the 70’s. Same age, let’s go, rock’n’roll. Obviously it’s hard for the next generation, who comes after us, to just change things as well. Because we did the right thing. So now they either have to copy that approach, or improve it, or come up with something completely new. It was easier for us, if I’m being honest. We said ‘Hey, have you seen this before?’ and people went ‘No, we haven’t. Cool!’ But we had to do it. And we were allowed to do it, first and foremost. Some things went wrong, some things went right. But it was really important.

 Q. You and your brother both seem like you’re very down to earth. Is that a result of growing up on Nørrebro?

A. Yes, I guess. No… Where the fuck did Pilou (Asbæk) grow up? He has some higher ‘a’s than I do, when he taaaaalks. But he’s damn well down to earth too. So I think it’s a Danish thing. If you try to rise a bit above other people, it won’t be very long until you’re pulled back down.

Q. Have you tried it?

A. No. As a Danish person it’s very hard to demand only to be served the yellow M&Ms without people laughing at you.

Q. Can’t it be limiting, that we’re like that? That everything has to be so down to earth.

Pause.

A. It’s funny, because we’re different than the Swedish. They have a whole different way of engaging with their stars. The Swedish are down to earth too. But when Swedish actors sit down to talk like this, like I’m doing now, and a journalist enters the room, that they start (Mads straightens and adopt a somber tone) speaking like this. And the things they say become great philosophy. They also start to move (he waves his arm theatrically) like they were on stage at the Royal Theatre. When I see that I think ‘what the fuck just happened?’. The Swedish write with great reverence about their stars as well. They have a huge amount of respect for what they give us. Swedish stars have a whole different status in society than we do in Denmark. They like putting things up on a pedestal, and they’re allowed to do that in a totally different way then we are. You can’t do that here. And thank God for that. But you can also say, that in Denmark you don’t always respect people for what they can do. Sometimes people will go ‘Fuck man, I can do what Caroline Wozniacki does. She’s the worst I’ve ever seen.’ Okay? I mean, it’s nice that we’re down to earth in Denmark. But it’s grotesque to say that ‘What Wozniacki does, I can do just as well.’

 So that’s how I spent the last five hours of my life...

[larriefails]

The FHC is saying that Harry doesn't have a genuine interest in culture and is only going to art galleries 'for attention', despite none of these visits being papped. So annoying to read the shit they spout over there about him being a faux intellectual. He's always been a reader from way back when.

Not the FHC, it’s a blog that hates Harry but the mod and the participants were never Harries. Once again, let’s stop calling them that, please

The last thing I’ll say about them (please, don’t send me more anons about them, this blog is about Larries, I’ll talk BRIEFLY about other conspiracy theorists, and make no mistake, the people over at the Harry haters blog are conspiracy theorists, but that’s it, briefly)

These people believe Harry literally fakes his entire life, much like Larries do with Louis

Harry doesn’t genuinely like to typewrite, he does it because he thinks it’s cool

even though he has his own monogrammed stationary (peep at the “watermarked” H above the “thank you”) that he used to type a letter to dedicate his first ever move towards a solo career to one of his friends who committed suicide. Like, how fucking awful of a person do you have to be to use the dedication to your deceased friend to “look cool”? And how fucking ridiculous to order monogrammed stationary to type out one letter. It’s obviously really logical to believe that he fake likes typewriters because he’s pretentious, duuuuh

Harry fake likes rock, obviously, it’s all geared up to make him look like a rockstar

Even though he’s been tweeting lyrics to rock/folk/country/indie artists since he was LITERALLY sixteen. The above are lyrics to a song by Ray LaMontagne that wasn’t even a single

Even though he was in a rock covers band doing Paolo Nutini renditions at fifteen

Out there wearing The Cribs merch at eighteen. Obviously it’s all fake. Just a front because he wants to be cool

And the fedoras and weird hats and hipster fashionista stuff? All marketing, man!

Harry doesn’t really like art.. he’s just doing it to seem cool!

I mean, he owns all of this art

But once again.. don’t be fooled, it’s just for optics

Fashion? Nah, Harry doesn’t like fashion. It’s all the Azoffs. I mean, he started going to Fashion Week at 18, over a year before meeting them, but you know, he was already trying to be cool for his future solo career so

His LGBT support is nothing more than a ploy to get pink coins. Here we have him masterminding that weeks after turning eighteen, in the year 2012, years before LGBT support became something fans looked for in the artists they followed

Obviously, the Azoffs are lizard people that can travel through time, so they went back to hypnotize him into wearing that shirt

Harry doesn’t like to read… he carries books to FOOL people into believing he likes to read! It’s the same thing than with that journal he’s been seen carrying since 2012.. if you open it, it’s actually empty. Harry doesn’t know how to write OR read

Harry painting his nails? A RUSE! All a marketing ploy! Even though one of his best friends said Harry liked to paint his nails sometimes, and that his favorite color to do so was black LINK on November 10 2015. At that point, Harry had never worn nail polish publicly on more than one or two nails (and he’d only done that… what? twice?) and he’d never worn black, lo and behold, since then, he’s worn black nail polish multiple times in all his fingers, and he paints them even when no one’s gonna see them

Let’s ignore how everyone that’s ever met him says he’s the sweetest, kindest, most polite person they’ve ever met, let’s ignore that no one has ever had a bad word to say about him, ever. That’s all just Harry putting on a front, you see? He trademarked Treat People With Kindness not because he didn’t want people to make fake merch of his and profit off it, but because he’s MARKETING KINDNESS. It’s fake! He’s not kind. He doesn’t believe in that! He wears a mask 24/7, baby, 365. He was already craning it at 17!

Because obviously what sells in this day and age is old 70s rock, weird fashion, men who like to explore different avenues of gender, no labels, and kindness. That’s marketing 101. Just look at the Top 100. That’s all you see nowadays!!!

Why would Harry bother pushing his songs on the radio or putting them in popular spotify playlists? Why would he even consider doing music that’s more appealing to mainstream? Why would he market himself to his already ginormous heterosexual friendly demographic? Why would he go to industry events, push himself on social media, hang out with his popstar peers, do all the magazine covers that are begging to have him?

Why would he do any of that when he can fake like typewriters, art, and books? You guys! It’s just so smart to pretend to like a genre of music that’s been dead on the charts for two years. Obviously his very powerful management would much rather spend all their time and energy putting down his former band mates instead of using all that influence to push his music on the radio..

You don’t understand, the folks over there at the blog that’s dedicated to shit on Harry figured it all out. We’re all dum dums for not figuring out that Harry is just pretentious because he wants to be cool, for thinking that Harry just genuinely likes and enjoys the things he’s been doing since he was a literal child

[psyched2b]

One Touch - Part Three - Soulmate AU

Note: This is a soulmate AU that when you first touch someone, you feel tingles all over your body and your soulmate can channel different emotions through the bond. In this piece, the reader is not originally aware of soulmates.

A/N: This is dedicated to @mermaidxatxheart. You is kind, you is special, and you is important. 

P.S. Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Mild panic attack(s), Description of Accident, Swearing

Recap:

Sam was the first to break, his face breaking out into a look of unease and uncertainty. “Yeah, about that...you can’t leave because you’re supposedly dead.”                   

Panic blossomed in your chest. Was this hell?                   

“Jesus, Sam. You’re going to scare her,” Bucky growls, fingers twitching, itching to smack his comrade upside the head. He then turns his attention to you, an apologetic look. “He doesn’t mean that you’re actually dead. What he means is that we ran your DNA through a database and that the only match we found matched that of a four-year-old who died in a car accident twenty years ago.”                   

“With your name,” Sam finished.

“I’m sorry, but what the fuck did you just say?”

You feel yourself reeling and you stagger against the wall. This is just too much, you think to yourself. Your chest feels like it’s collapsing in on itself and you feel yourself gasping for air. You lean forward, place your hands on your knees and let your head hang down. This was absolutely crazy. Your thoughts are racing, trying to make sense of this mess.

You recognized the accident that they were talking about. You knew all about it. It was the accident that claimed the lives of your parents and brother. Except, you had survived.

What kind of sick joke is this?

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay.” You look up, still panting, to see that Bucky was crouched in front of you, his blue-grey eyes watching you with concern and empathy. “Just breathe in, breathe out. Follow me.” He exaggerates his breathing, in through his nose, out his mouth, chest lifting with every breath.

You mimic his actions and you can feel your heart rate slow and your breaths become more even and regulated. Your thoughts began to slow down and you felt more steady.

Your mind clears and you realize something. This is all in your head.

You were in an accident. Not the one from twenty years ago that claimed the lives of your family, but more recently.

You had been on your way home from work, having just received a promotion to partner in your law firm. You were crossing a bridge over a highway when a coworker sent you a text. Distracted, you hadn’t realized that you swerved into the next lane over until a semi-truck was blaring its horn at you. Shocked, you dropped the phone and jerked the wheel in an attempt to get out of the way, but it was too late. The semi clipped your side of the car, sending your car spinning into the guardrail. The cement guard broke on impact and your car went tumbling over the side. You remember a broken piece of concrete crashing through your windshield and hit you in the head before your car smashed into the highway below.

You know that there is no logical explanation for how you could have survived. Either this is the afterlife or this is your brain trying to protect you from the trauma.

Trying to figure it out right now was futile.

You take a deep breath to settle yourself once again and you feel the tension leave your body. You brush the invisible dirt off your hands, stand up straight, and turn to face Sam and Bucky.

In an eerily calm voice, you say, “I’m good now.”

Bucky and Sam share a worried look, but otherwise, don’t question it. Sam goes over to Bucky and whispers something in his ear that Bucky gives a nod to in response, both not taking their eyes off of you.

“Well,” Sam drawls out, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “As much fun as this shindig is, I’m going to...go do...things.” And without a further goodbye, takes off out the door.

You look to Bucky, raising an eyebrow in question of Sam’s strange actions, but otherwise, don’t say anything. He just shrugs, not offering any explanation before saying, “Let’s go on a tour.”

Bucky heads down the hall, not looking back to see if you would follow.

You stand there for a minute, debating whether to follow along or try to make a run for it. Since you had no idea the layout of the building or knowledge of what Bucky’s skills were, you erred on the side of caution and decided to chase after him, catching up in just a few steps.

He leads you through the building, pointing out different areas of interest, but you aren’t paying much attention. Instead, you’re lost in your thoughts.

The one thing you were certain of is that you crashed off of a bridge and that you had hit your head. Logically, this reality that you were in was just a projection your mind is giving you in order to protect you from the real trauma. What you couldn’t figure out is if this’ was just some play-by-play of some deep set fantasy. You were never someone who had been into Marvel Comics, nor were you the type to romanticize relationships. Yet you were in New York, surrounded by bickering idiots, and had Captain America claiming to be your soulmate.

Trying to make sense of anything was giving you a massive headache.

Instead, you turn to face the mountain of a man. "So, how come Sam called you grandpa? Is that a kink of yours or something?"

Bucky stops walking, turns around to look down at you, and gives you an amused look. "He thinks it's so funny just because I was born in 1917."

What the fuck? You think to yourself, but manage to keep a straight face. "Well, you should tell me what skin care product you use because you don't look a day over twenty-five."

“Skip the ageing cream,” he comments casually, starting to walk down the hall again. “If you want to stay this fresh, I recommend experimentation by either German scientists or terror groups. Really does wonders for the body.” He pauses, tapping his chin with a silver finger, feigning that he was deep in thought. “Oh! And being frozen either in ice or cryogenically. That helps too.” He gives off a sardonic laugh, shaking his head at himself.

His response makes you pause, needing a moment to process everything that was just said. A half second later, you give a small shake of your head, clearing it. “Sounds realistic.”

Bucky comes up on an unmarked door, stopping and turned to give you a smile. “Yeah, we’re an interesting bunch.” He doesn’t leave room for you to comment, quickly changing the subject. “Do you like to read?”

“Are you implying that there are people who don’t like to?” you retort, crossing your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow at him.

He lets out a little laugh before opening the door and gesturing you in.

You’re in awe. Never in your life had you seen so many books in one room beside in a library. Without further invite from Bucky, you rush forward to the first group of shelves and begin to peruse the section. Your eyes go over the classical literature that was sitting before you, flickering through the many titles. Glancing over at Bucky, you point to a certain book and ask, “Can I grab one to read?”

Bucky comes up over your shoulder to see what you were pointing at and gives you a look of surprise. “You want to read Animal Farm over some trashy romance novel?” he questions in a skeptical tone. You nod in affirmation and he just shrugs. “Go crazy.”

With a smile, you pull the book out from its spot and turn to face Bucky. Giving him a quick pat on the head, you happily skip over to where a group of plush armchairs are and plop down in one of them and immediately begin to read. Bucky grabs his own book from the same shelf and you glance over the cover of yours to see it was The Picture of Dorian Gray. Seems like you weren’t the only one who like classical literature.

You’re only half a chapter in when Bucky speaks up. “What do you do for a living?”

You look up from your book, quirking an eyebrow. “Are you going to ask me what my favorite color is next?”

Bucky rolls his eyes at your sassy response and closes his book, setting it down in his lap. “I am curious what life looks like for normal people.” He pauses, glancing at you sideways. “Normal being a relative term.”

His last comment has you snorting. “Yeah, who’s normal anymore these days? Normal is boring.” You dog ear your page and close the book. “I work as a child psychologist. It’s….a difficult job. Not a lot of people want to work with children just because every single child is different. Adults are arguably easier because they can articulate their thoughts and feelings better whereas children, you have to be incredibly intuitive. There are only three of us in the county where I’m from, but I had just received word that I was given funding to start a larger program…one where I’m in charge of recruiting other child psychologists, developing family groups, teaching my ways of treating these children and so on and so forth.”

Bucky was silent. When you looked up, you were amused at the awestruck look on his face.

“What, cat got your tongue?” You tease.

He shakes his head in disbelief. “Not at all, doll. I’m just...that’s amazing. I can’t believe how far we’ve come from locking up people in looney bins.”

“Primitive asses,” you mutter, pinching the bridge of your nose. “It’s still not perfect, people wanting to medicate their children at any sign of not being immediately compliant, but at least we don’t shame and degrade them.” You allow yourself a deep sigh and change the topic. “Anyways, what do you do?”

“I keep Captain America from getting into too much shit,” Bucky chuckles, getting a fond look on his face. “That man has no sense of self-preservation but, he comes from a good place. You wouldn’t believe it looking at him now, but he was a scrappy little punk back in the day. Didn’t matter, I was constantly pulling him off of guys three times his size. I always told him I looked forward to 70 years down the line when he wouldn’t be picking fights anymore. I shouldn’t be surprised that’s not the case.”

You take note of his “back in the day” story to investigate further at a later time. “Bucky, do you have a man crush on Captain America?,” you ask in a teasing tone, raising an eyebrow in mock speculation.

Bucky just laughs, “Steve’s a good guy, but he’s not my type.”

Before you could respond, you hear a knock on the door followed by a familiar face walking in.

Steve Rogers stands by the door awkwardly, rubbing his hands together in a nervous manner as he looks to you.

Bucky looks over and his face splits into a large smile. Stomping his feet on the ground, he gracefully leaps up from the couch and heads to Steve, grabbing him in a quick hug before pulling away. “Steve! Glad you could make it! I’m going to go catch up with Mama Red Wing!” He then turns to you and nods a goodbye. “I’ll see you around.” And with that, he’s out the door.

Traitor, you think, slightly irritated he just left you alone with this man who was notorious for making outrageous claims.

You’re sorely tempted to ignore Steve’s presence and just continue reading, but Steve had this pathetically soft look on his face and you find yourself taking pity on the man. “You can come take a seat, I don’t bite.” Hard.

Steve takes the invitation and walks over, moving surprisingly graceful for a man of his size and stature, and claims the same chair Bucky had previously occupied that faced you.

He sits there and stares at you for a moment in silence and you take the opportunity to check him out yourself.  You have to admit to yourself that he’s a very attractive man for a delusional person. Then again, you've always been a sucker for blond hair and blue eyes. A part of you wonders what that says about you, that you created this gorgeous man and he's completely insane and supposedly your soulmate.

Steve clears his throat and gives you a nervous smile. “I imagine you have some questions?”

Tags for Everything: @mermaidxatxheart @bettercallsabs @thinkwritexpress-official

Tags for One Touch: @blackcat-midnight-thatsme @kittylovesfandom @angryteapot @chonisberonica @delusional-of-love @unknownuserhasjoined @toews-a-peek @dryerpet

*Can’t tag you

[mischievouspoltergeist]

When my mother got sick last year, someone asked me why I had such an issue with taking care of her (as I'd expressed I really didn't feel like I 'had' to or owed her that much as she had never taken care of us ever, let alone when we were sick, but that I intended to try anyway) since I called her my best friend (supposedly, at some point, I believe I probably did, it was something she made me say at family gatherings a lot).

It's taken almost a year and a whole lot of shit for me to answer that question: I was stuck in an abusive relationship with my mother and the only way to survive was to make myself believe we really were friends. Because if I let myself realise she really didn't care about me, I could never have sorted in my head why I did everything she wanted, why I went along with so much and why I stuck around.

In many ways, the pattern of abuse was identical to my relationship with a man who had narcissistic personality disorder (diagnosed, aware of it and chose not to engage in help). Except, I left him after four months, but for at least three of those I was kept on a string of believing I was the problem whilst he screamed in my face, bullied me and physically abused me.

My relationship with my mother lasted 23 years. For many of those years I was still a child. I was so easy to indoctrinate with ideas and beliefs that I was the root of all the problems in her world. I went with it. I've spent years feeling like I ruined my mother's life because that's what she told me. I've spent YEARS trying to make up for what I did by being born because that's what she told me to do.

It's led to me growing up to become a vulnerable adult. When I think someone loves me, I think their opinion about me must just be right. Because surely someone who loves you wouldn't tell you were a fat whore unless it was true, right?

It was so easy to dodge questions like 'why do you put up with her if she literally is so rude to you all the time?' with a 'idk. She's my best friend' because don't best friends speak every day? Don't best friends do things together constantly? Don't best friends scream at their best friend when they haven't spoken to them in 5 hours? Don't best friends kick and shout and scream when you say you're busy and can't do anything that day?

My friends witnessed many incidents with my mum and would ask, incredously, why the fuck I hang around her when she spoke to me that way, and it would just be a shrug. It was easier to go along with it than fight it. Fighting back meant being screamed at and frightening displays of controlling behaviour. It was as simple as if I hung around my mum daily, the abuse was at around 30-70% severity dependent on her mood. If I ignored her for a few days, then the abuse was at 80-100% severe. Imagine going to spend the day with someone who is going to yell at you every time you speak, put you down at every chance, find an insecurity and dig and dig and dig. So you avoid that by letting her abuse you just a bit less daily.

I was dependant on my mum for much of life's little things and she made sure of that. It's been hard and relying on my friends to help me is difficult and scary because I'm so used to it coming with a cupful of abuse. I'm always on edge, waiting for it to blow up in my face.

I also just don't know where to draw lines thanks to my mums abuse. How much abuse is too much? My chart is way off. I will keep trying cos god, the size of the cup of abuse my mum fed me daily was absolutely huge compared to the abuse I've ever had from others. Someone could say one nice thing about me and abuse me the rest of the day and that would still be less abuse than my mother dealt me.

I made so many excuses for her. She admitted fully she never wanted me from the start - my dad wanted me but when I was born, he changed his mind and got a job so she had to put her life on hold and so I ruined everything. I was a problem from the start because I was female, and that meant I was going to be abused in her eyes, so she detached herself (was she ever attached?) rather than even attempt to protect me. I excused her for that. I first shouldered the blame for why she hated me when I was 6/7 years old and she told me about her own past. The grand irony is that had she been watching, had she cared to pay attention, I would likely not have been abused. The grandest irony of all was that my biggest abuser was her.

I still catch myself excusing her. 'Oh I always went silent after she screamed at me for daring to ask her not to be nasty towards me. Maybe I could have spoken up more.' even though I know logically that only made things worse. I remember once asking her if I could remove the furniture from my bedroom when she was away (so I could store it in her room) so that I could remove the black mould growing all up my windows, my walls and (as I later discovered), all up the sides of my actual bed and mattress. I was so ill all of the time and my breathing was a mess. I could smell it all the time, it was so overwhelming and although I cleaned what I could, due to my bedroom being a closet, I couldn't get behind anything without removing everything. She said no. No reason, no explanation, just no. Like most things that benefitted me. I was incredibly frustrated and begged that I could barely breathe for mould, she screamed at me that I deserved it and it was my fault. Black mould had been a persistent problem in that room long before I moved into it, as she had lived there before and seen it. I finally raised my voice and told her I wasn't going to accept this blatant disregard for my health and I was going to do it next time she was away anyway. I was paying rent at that point but it did not stop her getting up and getting in my face and telling me to get the fuck out her house. The third or so time she had kicked me out. There was no reasoning with her. She liked it when I suffered.

She is a narcissist through and through and I have been suffocated by narcissistic abuse for 23 years. Even now, she attempts to abuse me via my brother and father and even the government. She has lost her victim - the last person willing to take her shit. Most her family and friends are not willing to help her for more than five minutes as she treats them unkindly when she realises they will take it and stick around. I've watched her do it, and it just gets worse and worse for those people like it did for me. But they leave, because it has not been 23 years for them.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I'm just... Through. My dad accepted my ultimatum and chose me. It's a weird feeling and a promise I hope he can keep. I know she asks him for information and I have told him to stop giving it to her repeatedly.

To those who think a mother deserves for their child to revere them permanently just because they birthed them... You're wrong. It is our actions and choices that shape our relationship and at every choice, my mother chose to act in her own interests with no care for anyone else. This is a woman who let a man beat her children whilst bragging to them he'd never hit her cos he knew she'd leave. I gave both my parents chances to mend our relationships and believe me, my dad was an appalling parent growing up. He was atrocious. But he decided he wanted to mend that relationship and he wanted to be a dad. Yes, it's sad he didn't realise it sooner but I'm happy for the relationship I have with him now, even if it's not perfect and he really doesn't know how to dad sometimes. My mum? My mum will still tell you it's my fault she finished her degree a year later than she wanted because I was born and I ruined everything 23 years ago. I dared to be born female and put that stress on her. She holds it over my head like it is my responsibility to fix. It has broken me. I've spent 23 years trying to make up to her the faults of my being born and nothing will ever, EVER be good enough to do that. I have given all I have to give. I literally have nothing left to give.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #167

“everything he sees is just blue like him, inside and outside.”

Did the house you grew up in have a big yard? It was fairly decent. Have you ever worked over 50 hours in one week? No. What has been the most difficult class you’ve ever taken? Latin. Do you think teenagers should focus more on their education rather than on relationships? Well, yeah. I mean that as in you should pursue knowledge more than love, but it can of course happen and should be taken seriously. What’s your opinion on couples ‘staying together for the kids?’ Awful idea. Your children don't need to grow up on the sidelines of a dead relationship. It can give them such negative expectations. Did any of the classes you took in high school count towards uni credit? No. Do you think being born was a mistake? No. Have you ever been arrested? No. Has a relative ever been arrested? Don't believe so. Do you think the Fountain of Youth exists? No. How about in a parallel dimension? Maybe, idk. Do you believe humans are part of a giant alien experiment? Not necessarily aliens, but I'm *open* to the possibility that we're just a simulation of a future civilization to learn how their ancestors lived, like we're literally Sims. I lean towards that being false, but. There's astonishing evidence for the possibility we're not "real," though regardless, I stand by the "I think, therefore I am" quote, so I really don't care either way. Do you think your blood is sacred? Uh... no? Have you ever been suicidal? Yeah. Was it a passing phase or is it something controlled by medication? It was something corrected with the help of medication, LOTS of therapy, and a closure conversation with Jason. Do you hold any holiday special in your heart? Halloween and Christmas, particularly. Is there a holiday you wish no one celebrated? Which is it? Why do you feel that way? Eh, I don't feel like flipping through the list of holidays right now. What’s your favorite book? Why is that? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo because it is a masterpiece of the needlessness for war, as well as The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, though by this point I don't even recall most of the story... I just know I adored it. Who is your all-time favorite author? Don't have one. What do you like about them? N/A Who’s your favorite poet? Poe, of course. What’s your all-time favorite band? How about all-time fave singer? I have too many favorite bands. Singers, Freddie Mercury and Brendon Urie. Do you think most mythological creatures exist? No. Have you ever had lice? No. What brand of dish soap do you use? Uhhhh idk, I don't wanna go look lol. Do any of your neighbors have dogs? Idk. Growing up, did you listen to country music? Yup, believe it or not. Have you ever dated someone on the football team? No. Do you like tomatoes? I'm not a fan. I can enjoy fresh ones in a small amount in a sandwich/burger, but that's it. What’s your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia. Do you have any ceramic animals in your house or outside? No. What brand of makeup do you wear? I don’t wear a specific brand. What type of waffles do you like? (Plain, blueberry etc..) Plain or chocolate chip, depending on mood. Do you brush your tongue? Holy shit brush your tongue, dude. What kind of laugh do you have? It's loud and obnoxious as hell. What kind of cell phone do you have? (ex. flip, slider, or traditional.) Touch screen. Have you ever gotten searched by the cops? No. Have you ever been enrolled in private school? No. Do you know how to grill a steak? No. Would you ever use an online dating service? No, was on one v briefly and it was. Very much not my thing. I felt like I was hunting for a relationship when I'm way more for it just finding you. Do you like Gushers? YES. Do you have a large dog? No, Teddy and Bentley are both medium-sized. If not, are you afraid of them? Not at all. I love big dogs. What is more annoying: A sore throat or a headache? Headaches. Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? No. Have you ever gone out of state for a concert? No. When is the last time you went on a date? March. ;____; Do your parents know that/if you smoke? I don't. What is your favorite board game from your childhood? I hated shopping, so I haven't a clue how it was Mall Madness lmao. I also loved that carnival Cranium game, whatever it was. Have you ever gotten rid of something you shouldn’t have and then really regretted it later? Yeah, senior prom pics. There were some where I actually looked pretty fuck Do you beat yourself up when you make mistakes? Usually. Have you ever tried anything off the Starbucks secret menu? No. Do you have string lights in your bedroom? No, but I'd like them. What is your favorite flavor of tea? Tea is disgusting. Do you have an inspiration board? I have a Pinterest board of hair colors and styles I like. What is your favorite magnet on your fridge? Never paid attention to the ones we have. Do you like to sit in the grass? No. Are there popsicles in your freezer right now? Yeah, we got 'em for when I got my tongue pierced. Is there a lamp in your bedroom? No. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Have you ever crawled through a vent? No. Last time you rode a bike? Years ago. What is something you used to always do but don’t anymore? Uhhhh. Idk. Well actually, I used to always have soda like multiple times a day, but now I go some days without touching it. What is the last thing you broke and how did you break it? Idr. What is the best thing you have received when trick or treating? Reese's, ha ha. What is the worst thing you have received when trick or treating? I hate(d) tootsie rolls. What word do you hate the absolute most? Probably "the 'n' word" or the derogatory term for gays... idk. How many seasons is your favorite TV show in so far? Eight for That '70s Show, but both FMAs don't have seasons. Do you remember getting sung to when you were little? No. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. When was the last time you had blood drawn? Couple days back for more tests. What color eyes does/did your father have? Brown. What do you daydream most about? The future. What names do you like? Alessandra, Damien, Josephine, Luther, Chloe, Evelyn, Evangeline, Vincent, Victor... At what age do you want to start working or at what age did you start? My first job was when I was about 19, I think. Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Olive Garden omlllllll. Who was the last person to piss you off? I don't know about pissed. Probably Mom. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you didn’t say it back? Yeah. What’s your favorite hairstyle on the opposite sex? I like scene/emo hair too much fuck Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? Probably. Which parent are you more similar to? Idk. I'm a pretty even mix of them both. Do you have a lot of self-discipline? Eh, depends. Have you ever been to another country’s capital city? No. What are some of your favorite qualities for another person to have? Compassion, kindness, an open mind, considerate, creative, difficult to anger, understanding... What smell reminds you of your childhood? Chlorine, gingerbread, rain in the air... Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No, and I wouldn't. When was the last time you spoke to the first person you ever kissed?  Second week of February '17. What’s a political issue you have a strong opinion on? Gay rights. Stopping that "oh if (s)he was raped ten years ago, why come out now?" bullshit that's been popular lately. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? Romaine lettuce for Kaiju. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? My bed. Have you ever done a Mason jar craft? No, but most of those that I see are so cute. What are you going to be for Halloween this year? Idk if I'm even dressing up. Do you decorate your front door for holidays? Mom puts up a wreath. What are all the costumes you remember wearing for past Halloweens? I literally remember none. Who is your favorite photographer? Check out mothmeister on Instagram. Cool as fuck. Don't know who takes the pictures exactly, but. Jovana Rikalo/thefirebomb on deviantART is also incredible. Were you shy in high school? Not very. Do you wish karma were real, or are you glad that it isn’t? I wish it was. What was your favorite Nick Jr. show? Rugrats. What school subjects are/were you the best at? English and science. What comes naturally to you? Spelling, usually. Bonding with animals. Do you prefer to call life a journey, a battle, a dance, or an adventure? Journey. Do you believe in the power of dreamcatchers or do you just like them as a decoration? They're just pretty decor to me. Who are the cutest babies in your Facebook newsfeed? I have two friends with young babies and neither are cute tbh. One's face looks like a grown man's with elephant ears, while the girl is just like, a month old, and I almost never find babies that young cute. What were your favorite mall stores when you were in high school? HotTopic. What time of day do you normally feel the most awake and alert? A while after I wake up. Have you ever searched for your house on Google Earth? Yeah. How old do you look? I guess my age? Do you like movie nights? Only if it's with someone. What would be number one on your bucket list? Pet a wild (well, habituated) meerkat. How old do you think you’ll be when you make your will? *shrugs* where is the fanciest place you have ever visited? Idk. Do you wear earrings on a normal basis? Ugh, I wish. Two reasons I don't. 1.) My first holes are stretched badly from wearing heavy earrings to much. Put one in the left especially and it almost looks like it's not even attached to my ear. Looks gross. 2.) I'm allergic to silver and like all my earrings are silver. Are your ears pierced more than once, if at all? Yeah. If you wear skirts, are you more likely to wear leggings, or go bare? If I was to wear them, I'd probably wear leggings. Ever stayed up all night on the phone? Jason and I did that (or almost did?) once early in our relationship. If you could move somewhere else, would you? Uh yeah. The one and only reason I won't move too far is because I'm unwilling to leave my psychiatrist; he's one of the biggest reasons I recovered and also gives me free samples of the medicine that saved my damn life, which costs over $1,000. No exaggeration. He knows that's absolutely outrageous. So it's like if I moved somewhere else, would my new psychiatrist do the same? Did the last guy/girl you kissed have any piercings? No. Do you actually love your parents? Yes. Have you ever had a school picture turn out absolutely dreadful? Like, all of them. I look high when I smile. What is the name of the last band you discovered? That I actually got into, Powerwolf. What happened last time you got drunk? Never been drunk, but on the occasion I got the closest, I was more outgoing and giggly. Do you know anyone autistic? I don't believe so. How about someone bipolar? Me. What do you want your job to be when you’re older? A photographer and also an out-on-the-field zoologist. I could bring my camera out with me, combine the two. Have you ever made your parents cry? Mom on sadly multiple occasions, and I could hear that Dad was tearing up when I called him wanting to make up. Do you always lock your door? Not my room door, but the front and back door pretty much always are. If I'm home alone, without a doubt. Have you ever been to Hooters? No. Do you snore in your sleep? No. Do you have a brother? What’s his name? A half-brother, Robert/Bobby. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries? Year ones, yes. Have you ever driven without a license? I don't have mine yet, but I don't believe I've ever done so without my permit. What was your very first pet like? I'm pretty sure my first personal one was a long-haired guinea pig named Squeak. He was a total sweetie that loved attention and would do one of those high-pitched, four squeaks back at me if I did it lol. What kind of an old person do you think you’ll become? I hope I become a wise, more loving than ever, content person that does all she can for humanity and doesn't isolate like I do so much. I want to be out there with people, making memories and always maintaining a young heart. Which well-known person’s death shocked you the most, if any? Steve Irwin's above anyone else, but Chester Bennington was a close second. What’s the craziest color you’d dye your hair? I seriously want to bleach my hair to snow white and have it fade to a blood-red tip, but that'd probably destroy my hair. What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Hm. I'm not sure. What’s the silliest thing you’ve believed, that turned out to be untrue? LOOK I stg I learned in school that thunder was clouds rubbing against each other and I only learned the truth THIS YEAR. Have you ever pet a cow, a sheep or a pig? A pig. Who’s the last person to make you laugh? GameGrumps. Ever been in a race? No. Favorite brand of color pencils? Crayola, I'm a basic bitch. Do you like the smell of peppermint? Omgggggggg yes. How many pieces did the last puzzle you completed have? Idr, maybe 150? It was at the hospital with my peers. In the end we were missing exactly o n e piece. What is missing from your wardrobe that you need to buy? I want a studded leather jacket pls I've wanted one since high school. When was the last time you witnessed a sunshower? A month back, maybe? Maybe sooner? Who was the last person to kiss your cheek? Mom, I believe. What temperature do you consider “too cold” to be outside? Comfortably, 40 F. Did anything bad happen to you in September? My knees became quite a problem. Had some rough streaks of depression. In your phone’s contacts, who is the first person listed under the letter ‘R’? When did you last see that person? No one under "r." If someone is sticking their nose into your business where it isn’t wanted, how would you deal with that? Would you say something to them? I'd like to think I'd say something. When your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? I realized I wanted to be with Sara while I was with him. It was one of the reasons I broke up with him. Think about your Facebook profile photo. What kind of assumptions do you think a stranger might make about you, from seeing that photograph? Would any of these assumptions be correct? (It's the same picture as here.) I obviously like a darker style, and it'd also be an understandable assumption I'm a bitch by my expression lmao. That one's not true, I hope. If you aren’t an only child, do you wish you were? Noooo. What is your birth order? I'm the middle child between my immediate siblings. What is your eye color? What would you want it to be? Blue/green/gray. I wish they were more sapphire. Do you like Victoria’s Secret, or PINK? I like their bras and undies, super cute, but other products, nah. What color highlighter do you prefer? Pink. What is the wallpaper on your best friends cell phone? Dunno. Do you like using big words when you talk? Don't hate it, but I avoid it when I can with most people. I wanna make sure they understand what I'm saying, no need to make it all fancy. What’s your favorite thing to do in the summer? Stay the fuck inside and wish it was fall. Eh, swimming. Do you like being tickled? NO. Are you loud when you’re having sex? I'd always try to be quiet even when home alone because I was worried about someone coming home and us not hearing or something. But it took effort to keep quiet sometimes, and even then I was a moaner. Are you a very open or private person? Depends on who I'm with and whether it's on or offline, but generally, private. What is your favorite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What do you get complimented on the most? My hair. When was the last time you were in a public setting and a stranger annoyed you? I'm not sure. Scariest storm you’ve ever had in your town? Um idk. Skill you wish you had? Drawing exactly what I see in my head ugh. How do you feel about raising minimum wage? FUCK-ING DO IT. NC's is $7.25 an hour, and you can't live off that shit. Humor me. What physical ideal do you imagine in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? It really doesn't matter to me, but I'd say I'm more quickly attracted to people with a dark style. What type of personality traits do you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? Calm, open-minded, friendly, I like a bit more outgoing than me, compassionate, very passionate like myself, artistic, considerate... Any other essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? The only thing I can think of as essential are some common interests to bond over. I don't think I could date someone totally different from me. Or someone heavily religious. Any romantic gestures you really like? Small, simple efforts just for the purpose of showing you care, more than anything. I appreciate the cliche of opening doors. What were you like when you were a kid? Outgoing, talkative as hell, pretty odd, big time creative. What is your definition of cheating? Flirting in a clearly non-joking manner. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? Both since the 6th grade. Are looks important in a relationship? For me personally, no, but I don't shame people who feel it's at least a smaller factor for them. Sure, it'd be more difficult to be more sexually attracted to you, but not romantically, which is what I care about. What were you doing right before you started this survey? Another survey. I combine them into longer ones. Ever get mad at something that happened years ago? Rarely, and if ever, briefly. What do you order on your pizza? Jalapenos. I miss meat lovers. What the kind of soda you drink most often? Mountain Dew Voltage. Do you freak out if a bee/wasp flies near you? Wasp, I'm fuckin' outie. I'm uncomfortable with any bee, but won't spaz over most. If Facebook started making you pay, would you still use it? No. If you were dying and had to tell the last person you texted one thing, what would it be? Lmao we actually had a convo about this once, and it'd totally be, "I love you, and I'll see you on the other side." If you could have sex to one song, what song would it be? We playin' "Death of a Bachelor" by P!atD on our wedding night 100% 100% 100% 100%. Are you a forgiving person? Too forgiving. Who is the last person you told you loved them? Sara Jaaaane. <3 Do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? Or do you stop wherever? Mom tends to go to Sheetz or Shell. She gets bad mileage at Sheetz, but it's super close to our house. Do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered “a regular” at? The people at New Addiction (tat and piercing parlor I go to) are starting to recognize me lmao. I'll be there tonight again. Think of the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a bed? Yeah. Do you like your girlfriend's/boyfriend's parents? YEAH. Why aren’t you with the person you first fell in love with? He couldn't stand my depression anymore. What’s worse, knowing you still love them, or pretending you hate them? THE FORMER. Do you own any television series box sets? All seasons of Meerkat Manor. What is your favorite band of all time? Ozzy Osbourne. Would you consider getting a tattoo any time soon? I'm getting one T O N I G H T  B O Y S. Do you like candles? Yeah, but I prefer incense. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? More like seven lmao. And I'm 99% sure I have ADD, but I haven't been officially diagnosed. If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why? British, 'cuz I love it. Have you ever or do you currently live in a Gated Community? No. Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yeah. Do you know anyone who is named after a state? Jason's mom. Miss that woman, she sincerely cared for me. I owe her so much for staying on the phone with me for legit like two hours a couple nights before my attempt. It was dead in the middle of the night, yet she was happy to be there. Have you ever had a “bad trip”? If yes, what happened? N/A. Do you enjoy learning about conspiracy theories? Y E S. Shane Dawson got me so into them omg. If you had a baby boy, what would you name him? Damien Alexander, maybe.

[dontshootmespence]

Becoming Real: Rich in Family

A/N: I can’t believe I had an anon request for an update to Becoming Real! I nearly cried! I loved this story so much so to have the chance to go back to it is awesome :D The anon requested an older Spencer and Luke (in their 70s) spending a holiday (Halloween) with grown-up Diana and Michael (in their mid-30s), their babies and Henry’s kids, all of which are between five and 10 :D

Luke overacted, huffing and puffing as he passed the couch on his third run around the house - keeping up with the energy of a 10-year-old Molly and 5-year-old Ezra was quite possibly more difficult than chasing an unsub. Maybe not, but almost. “Your turn, babe,” he said, collapsing onto the couch theatrically much to the delight of their grandkids. “I’m so tired.”

“You’re getting old,” Spencer laughed. He leaned over and kissed Luke’s temple before getting up to run after the kids. Diana and Michael came out of from their bedroom having changed into their “costumes,” which consisted of a board covered in tan-colored foam - they were graham crackers. Ezra was a marshmallow and Molly was a chocolate bar.

Diana sauntered down the hallway, practically modeling. Michael looked on, eyes soft and more in love than ever. 

“You definitely are my child,” Spencer laughed, walking up to kiss her forehead. “A complete and total dork.”

Michael snorted, looking both of his fathers-in-law up and down. “What about you?”

Having recovered from running around after the kids, Luke stood up and glanced down at his costume. Both he and Spencer were wearing their regular clothes with pieces of paper taped to them. The paper had a big letter “C” on it with two numbers on the left side - 14 on the top and 6 on the bottom. “What?” Luke shrugged. “It’s awesome.”

JJ and Will had just entered the Alvez-LaMontagne home along with Henry, Alaina and their son, William LaMontagne II. “Spence, what are the two of you even supposed to be?” She asked.

Henry, Michael and Diana spoke at the same time. “Carbon dating.”

“Oh, wow, you two really are nerds,” Will laughed as he picked up his 6-year-old namesake. “Your Uncles Spencer and Luke are dorks.”

Little Will laughed and reached out for his cousins, following in their footsteps. The adults had stopped running after the kids, but they were still going like the energizer bunnies. 

Luke held his hands up like Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune. “What about this, you nerds?”

Feigning hurt, JJ punched him in the shoulder. “Excuse you, we are adorable. We are milk and cookies.”

“You’re dorks too,” Michael and Henry said at the same time.

“We’re all dorks,” Spencer replied, snickering as his “little chocolate bar” pulled on his pant leg. Molly was ready to go. “Dorks are where it’s at.”

Coming up to his side, Luke wrapped his arm around his husband’s shoulder and kissed his cheek. “Only old people use the phrase, ‘where it’s at.’”

“What? We’re old.”

Little Will, Molly and Ezra were waiting patiently at the door, bouncing up and down on their toes in anticipation for all the candy they were going to bring home. “Ready to go?” Alaina asked her son.

“Yes! I want MnMs!” 

Tangled was a favorite Disney movie of little Will’s, so it seemed fitting that Flynn Rider and Rapunzel would take their little Pascale trick-or-treating. 

“Alright!” Diana exclaimed. “Let’s go!”

Immediately, the kids ran out the door with Michael, Henry and Alaina running after them. “Dad?” Diana asked. “Daddy? You two gonna have enough energy to go out?”

Luke grabbed Spencer’s hand and dragged him out the door. “Yup, we’re good. Although how the hell did we do this? Running after kids? A kid! We had one! You have two!”

“You get used to it, right?” Diana laughed.

After two hours that felt like fifteen minutes, Molly, Ezra and William seemed to be winding down, fixating on when they’d be able to eat their candy. “You can have a couple pieces when we get back to the house, okay?” Michael said. 

Despite his work with the Bureau and Diana’s work in the medical field, they endeavored to be as present as they could be when they were home with the children. Diana and Michael looked exactly like Luke and Spencer had when they’d first had Diana, permanently tired but unable to trade years of uninterrupted sleep for the joy on their children’s faces. “Only if you give Pop Pop a reese’s cup!” Luke cried.

“And Mommy!” Diana added. 

“Do I get to eat any of my own reese’s?” Molly cried.

“Never.”

At home, all three kids dumped their treasure trove of candy onto the floor, checking out their haul. There were definitely plenty of Reese’s Cups, Mini Snickers and Twix to be had - and a lot of cavities if they weren’t careful. Luke and Diana deducted the Reese’s tax from Molly and Ezra and then allowed them to choose three pieces of their own to have now, saving the rest for later.

Henry and Alaina allowed little Will to have four pieces because most of them were on the smaller side. Finally the parents and grandparents all had a little bit of time to rest - that is until the sugar rush hit. “Poppy!” Ezra yelled, running full steam at Spencer and jumping into his lap.

Spencer let out a loud grunt and laughed as he fell to the floor with his grandson. “Careful! Poppy’s old!”

“No, you’re not!”

“How old do you think I am?”

Ezra looked at him quizzically. “Forty.”

“I wish!” That would have just a little older than Diana was now. He had a daughter in her 30s - man, time had flown. “But thank you.” He stole another tootsie roll much to Ezra’s dismay and then got pulled upstairs to read him a bedtime story.

“Can you tell the one about The Knights of Kwantiko again? That’s my favorite.”

“Of course.”

Molly started playing a video game with little Will. Michael, Diana, Luke, JJ, Will Henry and Alaina sat on the couches behind them, talking about work and retirement and everything in between for about an hour until they all noticed that Spencer was back from reading to Ezra and Molly and Will had fallen asleep in front of the TV. 

“We should go,” Henry yawned, leaning against Alaina’s head. 

Michael pointed toward the couch, which was a pullout bed. “You look exhausted. You can crash on the couch and Junior and Molly can share her bed for the night. We have our bedroom and Dad and Pop have the spare.”

“What about Mom and Dad?” Henry asked, barely opening his eyes. “They going home?”

Michael snickered and picked up a couple of blankets, placing them over his parents who’d passed out cold. “It doesn’t look like they’re moving from here. I think everyone’s covered. Then maybe we can go get pancakes in the morning?”

“Mmmm,” Diana hummed. “Pancakes. You good for pancakes tomorrow Daddy? Dad?”

Spencer was nearly passed out on Luke’s shoulder but managed to give them a thumbs up. “Sounds good,” Luke replied. “But for now I think we all need sleep.” He grabbed Spencer’s hand and pulled him, placing his arm around him as they walked to the bedroom. “You alive in there?”

“Barely. Very sleepy,” he mumbled. Luke couldn’t help but laugh. Even after 40 years together, Spencer still managed to be cute. “How did we do it? Raise a kid? A good one, even. It’s so tiring.”

“We feed off the energy of our kids, I suppose.”

Spencer nodded as they locked the bedroom door and collapsed into bed. “Can we bottle that?”

“Energy?”

“Yea. I could use a tenth of that.”

“I wish,” Luke said, yawning as his eyes closed. “We’d be rich.”

As they drifted off to sleep, Spencer thought about the gang of people in the house - JJ, Will, Henry, Alaina, Junior, Diana, Michael, Molly and Ezra; they were already pretty rich.

End note: The linked piece The Knights of Kwantiko was written by my beautiful wifey and you should all read it because it’s fucking magical.

@coveofmemories @kalie-bee @jamiemelyn @unstoppableangel8 @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @ubdq-not-mxolh @ultrarebelheart @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @tinyplanet-explorers @burnbrightdoll @veroinnumera @lookwhatyoumademequeue @rmmalta

[speckeh]

Speckeh’s 2018 Book List

It’s 2018! Last year my book list was a decent size but I didn’t read a lot of sparkling novels! So this year I’m focusing on decent books with the occasional textbook thrown in!

1. Cappiello: The Posters of Leonetto Cappiello: 5/5 stars. I haven’t had time to sleep more than 8 hours let alone time to breathe to read book this semester. I’ve never been busier which has been a nice experience, but boy do I miss reading books! I found this at Tuesday Morning 40% off and it’s huge and beautiful and needed it. I love this book! Cappiello has a wonderful drawing style. He draws multiple body shapes, various commercial posters, and GINGERS. HE DRAWS SO MANY BEAUTIFUL RED HAIRED LADIES. I’M SO FUCKING THRILLED. If you find this book hella cheap and have the shelf space for it, it’s a great art book to have! 

2. The Elements of Rhetoric - How to Write and Speak Clearly: 4/5 stars. This is for my Proposal Writing and Development class. Everything this book states, I’ve already read or learned about in Argument Writing during summer last year so nothing really jumps out as me as amazing or eye opening. The writer does some relevant story telling with the different styles of rhetoric to use and how to use them effectively, but it’s not the greatest read. I’ll probably keep it as it’s a great little book for quick glossary terms or brushing up on information. If this is your jam, this might be a cheap book you can add to your academic shelf!

3-4. Kamisama Darling Vol 1 and 2: 5/5 stars. 

5. Namae mo Shiranai Machiawase 4/5 stars

6. Star Trek Cats: 5/5 stars. I hung out with one of my quickly growing best friends yesterday and I saw this book when we were in the humor section. My heart MELTED. I read this as B&N and even though it’s short, I needed to buy it. It’s one of my favorite art humor books I’ve flipped through recently. It’s full of episode jokes and just fucking ADORABLE cats that make the weirdest faces.

7. The Prophet: 5/5 stars. Another book I bought with one of my best friends. It was recommended to me by the really nice (and very sweet) worker there who complimented me on my outfit. I was going to ask we could trade numbers and hang out and gain a new friend from her, but she was very busy. Anyways. The friend I was with told me he absolutely loved this book and it spoke to him on a spiritual level. And I have to agree. Having been raised in a mormon household and then realizing I was hella queer and questioned E V E R Y T H I N G about organized religions, this book was excellent. Because The Prophet isn’t any certain religion, he’s just giving people a way of life and he never condemns anyone or anything. The Prophet and the Siddhartha are essentially my religion. The whole belief there is no “set path” for a religious life and happy ending, that no one is right and no one is wrong in their religion, and that it depends on how you treat others and how you service others but also how you serve yourself. An excellent read for the beginning of the year for me. 

8. The Non-Profit Narrative: 2/5 stars. It’s the same for the Elements of Rhetoric book I read, I’ve read all of these terms before in my nonprofit management class so nothing was very new or interesting to me. I skipped through 70% of the book. If you want a short, short ass book on how to run nonprofits and social media, this is a great little read. If you’re already familiar with the contexts of nonprofit, don’t waste your money. 

9. When The Body Says No: 5/5 stars. This book is.. just wow. This is the first time I have ever marked up my own personal book with highlights, pens, and pencils. I only ever do it to copied school books on computer paper. It’s no secret I’ve been going to a counselor off and on since I’ve been 13. And I’ve seen and confronted death for a long time. I’m very traumatized from my experiences and I have a lot of issues I don’t really deal with. My counselor told me to read this book because I am the post child of when your body says no for you when you can’t. And I am. It’s.. amazing how well he knows me and my experiences I’ve been through. I learned amazing facts about myself how my childhood forced me into emotional repression, that children who lose a parent before 17 are 40% more likely to develop cancer, that the underlying stress of never being able to say no to your family because you don’t want to disappoint them causes a turmoil in your body that can turn deadly. If you have anger issues, stress disorders, genetic diseases, autoimmune disease, any sort of illness you developed later as an adult, read this book. Because I promise you, you’ll find something about you you never knew about.

10. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao: 3/5 stars. This was a book I had to read for my intro to English literature class (I’m changing emphasis so I have to take more entry level classes BLEGH). While I did devour this book so fast, I wasn’t particularly impressed with this book. I guess I’m kind of sick of the narrative of “geeky boy is a virgin and hates himself and the world,” and people around him either patting his back or deciding to take it upon themselves to fix him, no matter what cultural background they are. While I’m thrilled I could read about a Dominican cultural and have a non-white narrative and characters, this book didn’t sparkle to me. Maybe it’s because this book wasn’t written for me, or maybe I don’t really care for Diaz’s writing style. Either way I barely earned a 3 stars from me.

11. Pictures of the Gone World: 4.5/5 Stars I bought this book at a liquidation sale. I either find amazing poetry books at random, or duds. Luckily this was a fantastic one that held a lot of elements I love in poems: historical themes and humor. He helped pushing and defend one of my new favorite poets, Allen Ginsberg so you know I have mad respect for him. This was his first poetry book and he quickly became famous in the beat poetry world. Compared to other poets, he’s definitely a easier one to get into for beginners but the words still hold beauty and harsh truths. Definitely a great way to introduce yourself to beatnik poetry!

12. I Capture The Castle: 5/5 stars. Do you ever pick up a book that’s been calling to you for ages and by the fifth page in you know you have a new best friend? I’m not one for first person narratives, it takes a special way of writing it to keep my interest. I Capture The Castle with repressed and writer’s voice of a 40 year old woman from 17 year old Cassandra just melted my heart. I have a soft spot for Dodie Smith and she won me over with this book. From the beautiful scenery of a decaying castle, to a 17 year old’s first encounter with love, it’s just so so captivating. it hasn’t been since the Shadow of the Wind that my heart literally raced and I couldn’t read fast enough to know what happened next. And the last sentence of Cassandra’s journal of “I love you, I love you, I love you,” keeps playing over and over in my head. If you want to get lost in a old English castle and a young girl’s narrative, you will not regret picking this book up. 

13. A Concise History of Hawai’i: 3/5 Stars. I’ve always wanted to know about my birth state since we moved away when I was too young to remember anything. I’ve always been called a island girl and have had a fascination with water. I stopped being interested in calling Hawai’i my birth state because I was so young and my family memories are bitter sweet. But I finally returned to Hawai’i in May 2016, and I was shocked to feel like I was Home. I’ve been missing Hawai’i like crazy and have been trying to read this book forever. I bought it on my trip there. Well I finished it. It was pretty interesting, it’s concise, and quick and I learned a lot. But the book also brings up an important question.Can a white man write about a cultural history on Hawai’i? I’m not sure and I was somewhat bothered by that question throughout the book so that dampened my star rating. I feel like a history of Hawai’i would be so different and way more vibrating if a Native Hawaiian had written it. But, if you want a general and quick history of Hawai’i from the formation to 1999, it’s a decent read.

14. Wyoming Poems 1994: 5/5 Stars. I really like this short poetry book. It’s only 26 poems and all about Wyoming and the life there. It’s from 1995 so you know it’s more of a modern take on Wyoming. Definitely a great little book. Really debating on joining the Wyoming Writer’s mailing list ahah!!

15-21: Various Manga. between 3-5/5 stars.

22. Secret Garden: 10 minutes classics: 2/5 stars. I love the Secret Garden. It’s one of my top 5 books of all time in my life and will always be in the top 5. The 10 minute classic books is great for a reader wanting a short synopsis of the Secret Garden and it has lovely pictures, but it really loses the magic, the world building, and the characters’ relationships in just 10 minutes. I’ll probably keep the book just because of lovely pictures, but it was a let down!

23. Lovers Legends: The Gay Greek Myths. 4/5 stars. My love for reading and history can be pinpointed exactly to D’Aubaires’ Book of Greek Myths. It planted the seeds of my career ambitions, the types of research I love to conduct, and the person who I am. I always knew the Greeks were more gay than society teaches children, but this book really paints it simple for you. First off, it uses a poem by one of my favorites Allen Grinsberg, and then the author reiterates the gay greek myths in clear and easy stories, and shows how they all connect. The symposium style chapters were long and tedious and I ended up skipping them, and the book really only has 110 pages of stories with the next 80+ being sources, research, and a bibliography. Either way, love me some truth bomb gay ass greek myth!!

24. Colonel Brandon’s Diary: 4/5 Stars. I’m a sucker for Austen continuations or different perspectives. It comes from a personal reason from childhood memories with one of my parents. I’ve read 2 other of Amanda Grange’s diaries of Austen men. Brandon is not my favorite Austen hero and while the book I liked him enough, he doesn’t sparkle as much as say Knightley for me. I’m sure as I get older I may like him more, but for now it was nice to read a 300 page version of Sense and Sensibility that is a great companion novel for like.. better spark notes. If you need a quick summer read to last you a day or two, I highly suggest Amanda Grange’s books! (Except for Pride and Prejudice and Pyramids. That was just… bad)

25. Reunion by Fred Uhlman 5/5 Stars: I really started to enjoy World War II stories, but fictional ones about non-American centric stories. Reunion is a beautiful, fast read, about a teenaged Jewish boy who meets a handsome and captivating Lord’s son at his school. It really is about a first love. Hans is obsessed with Konradin; he thinks he’s handsome, educated, and lonely like him. The two go off on trips, Konradin often comes to his house, they read poetry and discuss coins together. It’s very easy to think of Konradin and Hans sharing firsts. It’s a beautiful little story that wrenched my gut with the very last line, and the descriptions had me drawing little scenes in the book. If you have 3-4 hours to spare, this is a great read if you can get it.

26. Instructions to a Young Bookseller: 5/5 Stars. As someone hoping to enter the book world after graduating University, this was a great little read. Obviously any sort of written conference has an edge of boring to it. But the book is full of gem quotes and advice that can be used for anything and not just young booksellers. If you’re able to find this book (most likely in the Heffer bookstore at Cambridge) give it a read. It’s a short 46 pages but a great way to pass the time and to give you advice that transcends passed 1933.

27. Among the Janeites: 2/5 Stars. I wasn’t impressed with this book, which is a shame because I desperately wanted to like this book. I loved when Yaffe described and told the stories of her fellow Janeites, but I really couldn’t stand her narration. I don’t know if it’s because I’m annoyed by the “I’m an elite Jane Austen fan because of these reasons” or I just don’t like the way she writes her narratives. Sometimes, you just don’t clash well with a author. I applaud her efforts to write this book, but I have to admit I was disappointed that she admitted she only focused on white North American Jane Austen fans. What a waste!! How amazing would it have been to have read more diverse fans? Hear about their efforts, their stories? Instead I found myself reading some of the same stories over and over again. I didn’t even finish the last two chapters because everything was the same rhythm and nothing was interesting any more. I wanted to put down the book many times, but found I couldn’t whenever I read the stories of those who did amazing things with their Jane Austen passions. But other than that, kind of disappointed I brought this book on my trip to England. :/

28. Tea with Mr. Rochester: 4/5 Stars. Sometimes a collection of short stories takes me awhile to read, this was not one of those!! I have had my eye on this book from Persephone’s for at least 2 years now, and I finally got to go to the shop two weeks ago! I really enjoy the literary metaphors and the descriptions are beautiful, but Towers has a way of writing that has you go: “..did.. did I skip a page?” Often the story would jump and you would feel confused of where the characters are now, how much time had passed, and how did these two characters meet. The lack of background, time, and setting is discombobulating, but not too distracting from enjoying it! If you have the pleasure of going to Persephone’s Book, definitely give this book a try!

29. For Your Eyes Only: 4/5 stars. I think I’m now a little more than halfway done with the original James Bond series! For Your Eyes Only is very different as these are short stories. Some of them are action pact while others are Bond at dinner parties listening to stories. It was an entirely new take and very interesting for sure! Some of the stories were hard to get through, slow, which is why I dropped it down to four stars, but a lot of them were really fun. I especially loved Quantum of Solace which explained the title and now I’m wanting to rewatch the film now knowing the definition of the phrase. I can tell that Ian Flemming is now aware of his homoerotic writing with James Bond and is starting to cut it out, which is a real shame since they’re so beautiful. But his obsession with eating eggs for nearly every meal is back which made me happy! I’ll have to see in the next book if the homoeroticness comes back!

30. This One Summer: 4/5 stars. Ranted and raved about since the debut of this comic, with one of my favorite illustrators who drew SuperMutant Magic Academy, an awarded comic! And I can’t help but feel disappointed in the story. I know this is directed at teens and if I had read this when I was between 13-16 it would have BLOWN my mind. Now at 23, this isn’t the most poignant story. I think it’s important for teens but it isn’t really for me. I’ll probably gift this comic to my friend Ramona because I think she will like this comic a lot. But for me it’s just.. beautiful artwork. But nothing much more than that. 

31. The Alchemist: 3/5 stars The Alchemist was suggested to me by my BFF and my other friend told me he hated it. I’m in between. While I understand why some people absolutely LOVE this book and I appreciate that the author had a passion for his story and didn’t settle for rejection, I think the story is lacking a lot of magic and luster it could have had. It’s kind of like a book trying to follow after The Little Prince in an Arabic/South American story with a christian spin to it. I enjoyed reading it and experiencing a well loved story, but I gave it to another friend and I kind of regret buying it from a story and not borrowing it from a library.

32. Omae no Koi wa Ore no Mono: 5/5 stars. Good manga. Lovely characters. Story is good. I enjoyed it thoroughly!

33. The Fall of America: 4/5 stars. Allen Ginsberg is my second favorite poet right behind Billy Collins. After reading Howl and falling in love with everything, this book was a let down. A lot of the poems were loooong run ons that seemed to forget what he was trying to talk about. My favorites were when he was un-ashamedly GAY and talking about sucking cock and having sex with guys, and a very real Vietnam war poem, but the rest was very on the fence. If I didn’t love him so much I would have skipped a lot of the poems in this book. But I also know this is a similar complaint from other readers. It’s hard to follow after such a massive success and nationally known poetry book of Howl, but he did his best. Not all of your own poems will be sparkling and rich in something new and world opening. 

34-36. Various Manga: 34 5/5 stars, 35 4/5 stars, 36 4/5 stars. 

37. Twisted Romance Volume 1: 2/5 stars. While some of the stories were beautiful and drawn amazing, I felt like the collection was disjointed and didn’t go very well. It was weird to have a comic book also be split up between stories with a written novel. I’m sure this would be someone’s cup of tea, but not mine.

38. My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness: 4/5 stars. My dear friend Ramona put the first and second novel in front of me to read while we spent like 4 hours at Barnes and Noble today. It was super fun to be with my sweet sweet friend and just, decompress. I read this book and so much of it I could relate to. Not only am I a Queer female, but I also struggle with mental health, depression, and feelings of abandoning my mother. Not to mention being touch starved. But I docked it down from a perfect score because Kabi’s narrative was so frustrating. That never ending cycle of getting so close and then self-sabotaging herself is so frustrating and makes me mad. I put the book back after I finished reading it, and then decided I had to buy it at the last moment. 

39. My Solo Exchange Diary (Sexual to My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness) Vol 2: 3/5 stars. Unlike the first book, this was even more frustrating and was hard for me to be empathetic to her. Someone who obviously struggled hard with her mental health and struggle against her parents, I felt like her Solo Exchange Diary was just an excuse to not do what she wanted. I didn’t think Kabi grew much between the two volumes which is super disappointing. As a reader you want her to be better. Though when she mentioned how her happiness is tied to abandoning her mom, OOFFFF. THAT SURE IS MEEE. 

40. Close Range: 2/5 stars. I actually stopped reading this book entirely. I started off reading the Brokeback Mountain story in this anthology, and it hooked me! Sadly, the rest of the stories didn’t capture me as much as BM. Eventually the characters bled to be the same: stoic, struggling with family, very Wyoming. That was it. It was all men, white men who struggle to be “men” and then proceed to do stupid shit/hurtful things that you want them to die over. I lost interest and I’m sad because I wanted to love this collection, but I couldn’t do it anymore. 

41. Bond By Design: 5/5 Stars.  Back in 2016, Shennelly gave me a mini version of this book and for Christmas last year I got the full version. It’s fascinating to see the drawing progression and what the art team focuses on drawing. It’s a shame to see the Daniel Craig films not having as much hand drawn art, but they were created more in the era of computer art and less relying on storyboard sketches. Needless to say, it was pretty awesome to see all the thumbnails and knowing a lot of them came to life in the films I watched! P.s. I went to the museum and Turner painting features in Skyfall over the summer! 

42. The Hobbit Comic: 4/5 stars.  This is a comic I’ve had on my shelf before I started uni so around 3-4 years it’s been sitting on my shelf waiting to be read. I picked it up because I was going on a car trip and I wanted something light and easy for the 4 1/2 hours it took to reach our destination. While the art was awesome, this was not a light read. It felt like reading the Hobbit all over again with how exact dialogue and scenes were written out. And I docked this comic down a star because I felt like I would be so overwhelmed by the reading I couldn’t enjoy the art. That’s a big problem with direct story comics. They’re so much dialogue and story they want to use, they don’t realize how tedious it becomes for a reader. Other than that, if you’re a die hard LOTR fan, this is a great edition fo the Hobbit to have! 

43. The Adventure Zone - There Be Gerblins! 5/5 stars. I started listening to The Good Brothers after Percy told me to back at the end of 2016. I started to their The Adventure Zone podcast right before my trip to Norway. I have great memories of listening to the first 3 adventures, nodding off on the plane, during down time at our various hotels, on the way back home, desperately trying to download as many possible while I had wifi. I love TAZ and so when they announced a comic book a year ago, I’ve been waiting ever since! It isn’t a let down! Where the Hobbit had issues with too much dialogue, TAZ There be Gerblins didn’t run into that issue! Also I love that even though the characters have never been officially designed, there was opportunity for diversity, AND THEY DID A TON OF DIVERSITY. Also the Director was exactly how I envisioned her and that made me so fucking happy. Please support the good boys and buy the comic if you like it!

44. Monstress Vol 3: 5/5 stars. While the art is dynamic, the plot hella feminist, interesting, so many cool female characters! The plot is still confusing volume 3 in. I might have reread the other two before reading the 3rd since it has been a year since I’ve read the book. But the darkness and “real” themes of disabilities and responsibilities is just great!

45. The White Cat: and two other stories: 5/5 stars. The art for this children’s fairytale book is gorgeous. Though some of the pictures feel like they’re a few pages behind or ahead of the events that actually happened. But JEEZ you guys! These are some fucking dark stories. A cat behead, Jack the Giant Killer, Rip Van Winkle just being lazy as FUCK. We don’t get children’s stories like this. It was an awesome edition I found that was originally 30 dollars that was for sale for 5 dollars due to a liquidation sale. It’s great. 

46. The Young Visitors or Mr. Salteena’s Plan: 5/5 stars. The Young Visitors is such a treat. I first found my copy in England in a discount shelf and loved the frayed pink cover with interesting illustrations. And then at another going out of business sale, I found a red cover and bought it without thinking much of it. I absolute LOVE this book. This story is written by a 9 year old Daisy with the themes of a true Victorian novel. An older man chasing after a young woman who falls in love with a rich young man and the older man cries at his defeat. It’s an excellent little read that is amazing from being written in 1919! I have plans to eventually see the manuscript in the museum it’s held in! I’m using my second copy as a lend out to my friends to make sure they’ve read this story!

47. What Makes My Cat Purr? : 5/5 stars My friend bought this for me at an antique mall because it melted my heart. Reasons why little kittens purr???? Mostly because you show them love??? UHHH HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS NOVEL?

48. Sock Monkey - The Glass Knob: 4/5 Stars. Sock Monkey and his friends ned to replace the door handle with glass and a random assortments. Silly, but sweet.

49. The Paper Doll Wedding: 4/5 Stars. Fun. That’s all. 

50. Spot’s Favorite Colors: 4/5 Stars. Bought this for my nephew. We used to have matching cards with this!

51. That’s Not My Dinosaur: 4/5 Stars. For my nephew! He loooves it. Touch and feel.

52. The Mitten: 5/5 Stars. This book was read to us each winter in elementary school. I bought it for my nephew!

53. Toot: 4/5 Stars. For my nephew! A book about farts!

54. Erte Art: 4/5 Stars. Erte’s art which was dazzling and seemed to be something from the 2000s rather than the 1900s. Loved the different designs of his work and that he included women of color and not just white models throughout his work!

55. Sea Prayer: 4/5 Stars. Everyone was ranting and raving about the poetry, but I love the watercolors. It was an impactful story, but I felt the story was a bit rushed. Over all beautiful.

56. The Prince and the Dressmaker: 5/5 Stars. I’ve had this comic book in my shopping cart for a year! I finally asked for it at B&N and bit the bullet. UHMMMM. GORGEOUS. 

57. HeartStopper Vol. 1: 5/5 Stars. UHM WOW. I funded this on kickstarter without really knowing much about the comic. It then sat on my shelf for a couple of months and a friend, randomly, asked me if I read it. I finally read it and goooood, I loooooved it!!!

58. Fuddles: 3/5 stars. A fat cat gets out of the house and lost, I hated it but loved the illustration.

59. Birdsong: 5/5 Stars. All the different birds and songs they sing, silly, fun. 

60. Santa’s Snow Cat: 4/5 Stars. A silly Christmas story about how Santa loses his most beloved cat in New York. 

61. The Tiger: 5/5 Stars. A dialogue-less comic about a tiger in the jungle, living its life, trying to hunt prey (unsuccessfully), and other predators. Beautiful art, I would recommend!

62. The Angel’s Game: 2.5/5 stars. Sadly, this is the second time I’ve been disappointed by Carlos. Angel’s game had a slow start. A writer being worked to death by underpaying publishers until he develops a brain tumor. He meets a mysterious man after much travesty and agrees to write him a book with no money as an issue. But as the story progresses, the narrator becomes distressed and stupid to discover the truth. He loses so much, and by the end of the book it feels like a bad fever dream. It really seems the hype after Shadow of the Wind is so hard to defeat. Hopefully his newest, final, and largest book in the quad series will be like the first. Let’s hope it’s not like the middl two!

63: Ore no Omawarisan: 5/5 stars

64: Goriyou wa Keikakuteki ni: 4/5 stars. 

65. The Shotgunner: 3/5 stars. As I was trying to compile my favorites of 2018, I realized I completely missed three books?? Shotgunner was finished the last day of 2018 and I think I was just totally exhausted from everything. The book was extremely silly but fast paced. A man wanted for murder runs back to his home town to find his brother has been murdered and his widow (an old fling)  needs his help to get out of town. It doesn’t end how you think it would and it seemed to move in a very fast paced way. It wasn’t my favorite western book I’ve read, but it certainly had layers to it I wasn’t expecting!

[punk-rock-pixie]

1-85

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I mean, I won’t lie and say it gives some personal points, but like I won’t date you if you’re a douche, no matter if you look good or not. 

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

I mean, you don’t NEED to be in one, but it is nice to have someone care for you

3. Are you a virgin?

yup

4. Are you in a relationship?

I am yes

5. Are you in love?

I think?

6. Are you single this year?

Well for like the first month I was

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yeah. Even if I’m polyamorous, I won’t act on it if they’re not cool with it

8. Describe your crush

They love birds and also is a witch. We love a lotta the same stuff.

9. Describe your perfect mate

A storyteller, share at least a few interests. Someone I could talk non-stop to or just become a total tree stump. They understand to a good extent how I work and put the same effort in that I do. On the superficial side, I’m partial to the more butch/masc presenting people and possibly taller. 

That being said the person I am dating is actually a few inches shorter than me lmao

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not really, but I feel like there can be a connection, but love takes time.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

I dunno. I haven’t given it much thought.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends on the extent????

13. Do you get jealous easily?

I’m kinda jealous, but idk

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

I mean,,,,, yeah???

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just my ears

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Nope

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Only like small pecks. I’m not much on PDA more than like hugging or hand-holding

20. Do you shower every day?

every other day

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I should hope they do????

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Maybe

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I mean, duh?

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I’m happy with it yeah.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Not that I know of???

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

YUP. THEY MANAGED 5 PEOPLE IN THE ONE MONTH OF DATING

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

I wanna make myself look more masc

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Oh yeah. I’m not someone to cry a lot but like?? I’ve had my days

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

mhm

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

HHHH

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

BUDDY

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Most people I’ve kissed are older than me

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yup. Ended poorly

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yup

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yeah. 

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Didn’t I say I was a virgin literally in the first few questions

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Depends on the mood I guess

43. How long was your longest relationship?

6 months and they left me for someone else

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

6???

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

I didn’t have my first kiss until 2014

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

BOI

47. How old are you?

Old enough to have chronic back pain and complain about technology apparently.

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I mean I’m sad, but like…. I’m not gonna try to manipulate them?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

They understand my emotions and are wildly compassionate. NOT TO MENTION HOW TALENTED THEY ARE AT MAKEUP AND UKULELE?

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Maybe, but I wouldn’t really let them back into my life?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

I don’t think I’d do EVERYTHING for someone, but there is someone I’d do a lot for. 

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Some friends I dropped recently. We brought out the worst in one another, and I felt like it was time to leave and try to put more energy into other people. I don’t think the friendship was a waste of time at all. We just grew into very different people and did more fighting than being friends, and I wasn’t gonna stay in a friendship like that. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

So far they haven’t voiced it so??? I don’t think so?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Absolutely

55. Share a relationship story.

We were in a long distance thing a few years back. We started off as friends and I realized I had feelings, but we waited until the con we met at to make things official. As I was leaving he asked if he could write something about me and he wrote a full 8 pages. Additionally, at our next con, I was super sick (we didn’t know until later I had mono) and almost fainted. He stayed with me the whole time, and, even though I told him it was possible I had mono, he risked it and still kissed me. 

I don’t blame him for not having feelings for me after that. I think we rushed in and were caught up in the obsession, which lasts about 4 months. I was sure of my emotions, and he wasn’t. It’s ok. We knew what we were getting ourselves into to an extent. We’re still distant friends, I think? No hard feelings.

56. State 8 facts about your body

1. I hate it

2. It manages to put away food like it is no one’s business

3. I can wiggle my ears

4. I am very lactose intolerant and get bad stomach aches, but don’t care

5. I can crack my wrist on command

6. Somehow I can get 3 hours of sleep and still function

7. He a tired man

8. My hair and nails grow fucking fast

57. Things you want to say to an ex

Wherever you are, hope you’re doin okay. Sorry things didn’t work out

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

1. Common grounds of interests/morals

2. Be ok with my mood swings and fickleness when it comes to affection

3. Being a storyteller. I love creativity so much?

4. Passion. Someone who is passionate about something (IE hobbies, special interests, etc) is just??? really attractive????

5. I have a thing for people taller than me? Idk

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

Check my “pixie pics” tag (and maybe like or reblog lmaooo)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

a year and a half???

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Usually eyes and their hair

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Being creative and make a project like inspired by me I guess? Idk. Do something unusual. Of course, I am all for cliche, but like being unusual is really cool.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Consensual stimulation of sex organs? Idk

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Being with someone without you’re partner’s/partners’ knowledge and consent

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

WHat?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

Fuckin long-ass paragraphs STORYTELLING

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Like I said, I love the cliche. Take me to a museum or the park, but even like staying home (If we’ve been seeing one another for a while) and hanging out is cool too. If it’s a first date, something where we can get to talk and know one another

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Probably on the ace spectrum. As for romantic pref?? FLUID AS FUUUUCK

69. What turns you off?

Being rude???

70. What turns you on?

CREATIVITY MAN. IT IS GREAT

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

Fuckin???? I don’t remember my dreams sometimes. Most of them are pretty tame

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

BUDDY NEVER HAD SEX

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Writing a poem or song is super cute??? Or like when I’m feeling as depressed as I am now, just showing up to my house and kidnapping me for a bit for like a trip to the beach? (Shoutout to my friend Cici who has been a big help all weekend and did just that today??)

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Being taller than me and also eye color/hair idk. 

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Refer to 73 where my friend Cici came to my house today WITH ROSES AND FOOD and drove me to the beach and treated me to a few hours of escapism and dinner. She’s a real one. She as well as my sister and my s/o have been helping me through this terrible month. 

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I stayed up all night with someone to help them through a tough time

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

If you’re under 18 be careful. If you’re over 18 as two consenting adults, you’re pretty much fine. If you’re a pedophile, fuck right off, mate.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think I literally ate dirt as a child???

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

A lotta my friends are getting signed on for top surgery and possible HRT, and like, I am very happy for them, and also I feel like garbage because this is something I’ve wanted for YEARS

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I told my sister today

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Pj Liguori, Ethan Nestor, Chris Evans, Hugh Jackman, and Amy Nelson

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My sister

83. Who was your first kiss with?

Someone I was friends with a while ago at my first Fanime. My first real kiss was with my ex girlfriend

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

He sexually harassed his other boyfriend (I was friends with this other guy and we almost saw one another after we broke up with our ex fun fact)

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Yeah probably

[musevassal]

Papa on Tickling

Papa. My grandfather. I've mentioned him here a couple times before. (Once funny, once sad.) He was full-on German. And by full-on, I mean full-fucking-ON. Born and bred Prussian aristocracy: a real Von from Berlin. I'm not bragging, it just is what it is, and very relevant to who he was. Unless you've been pinned under the gaze of a man who's had that kind of upbringing, you can't really understand what all comes with that. In his world there was a crushing system of cruelty and trauma, so-called discipline, applied to children. To create men, the psychotics of the ruling class, to wield privilege and power for the state. This is how the Europeans dominated, and the Prussian system was their template. At the age of sixteen, Papa had gone to war to fight for Germany in World War Two. Captured by Americans, he spent a few years in a POW camp in England. He said the camp wasn't as bad as I might have heard (the fake Nazis in today's lockups have nothing on the real ones that were in those camps); since he was Luftwaffe and a Von, the hero fighter-pilot aristocrats took him under their wing. When he was released, he returned to Germany to find his family dead and their properties clamped down behind what would later become the iron curtain. Nothing left. Riches to rags. A while later, he met and knocked up my grandmother, moved in with her family (also displaced persons, DPs, from what is now Poland), and sold radios he built from scratch and newspapers to get the money to move to Canada with his (then) three kids. Luckily for me, Canada and age had mellowed him by the time I came around, because I spent a lot of time with him when I was little. I really worshiped him. My parents were typical hippy types with very few consistent boundaries, and he quickly became the authoritarian in my life that I looked to for stability. Later, I would hear about how he used to be from my mother and aunts. About the terrible, regular beatings he would lay out as a matter of principle. But he was forbidden from laying a hand on my sister and me, upon my mother's threat of his being banished from our lives, and he never did. His voice, however, that vehicle of his displeasure, was all he ever needed to reign me in. There was no fucking around with this man. Even so, he loved us deeply and taught us what he could. He was a giant in my formative years. Now, as I just mentioned, I spent a lot of time at my grandparents' “farm:” a small cattle ranch in northern Alberta. There were always a lot of relatives there too. My grandparents had five kids and both of my grandmother's surviving sisters followed her to Edmonton. I was the eldest grandkid, so as I aged there were always cousins underfoot, like noisy, mobile pylons. There were two uncles, Nick and Dave, both in the family by marriage (although at that time, I suppose, they were just boyfriends), who dominated my early life at the farm. One in a good sense, and another not so much. Both were macho, 70s, hairy, manly men, and very physical. Uncle Nick was, and is, one of my favorite uncles. He was around a lot, dating my youngest aunt who was probably about eighteen when all this happened. Some of my earliest memories are of great fun with Uncle Nick on the big sofa in my grandmother's living room. He'd read to me and also do that snuggle-wrestling that toddlers and young kids love so well. He was great at it too; a big bear of a man who was both strong and gentle. He did, however, discover that I am insanely ticklish. He never pushed it too far, but he did throw a good tickle into his repertoire. As I got older, there was less snuggling and cuddling, and more serious wrestling. That was a lot of fun, but he never failed to give me a good tickle as the finish to a pin. I didn't like that part of it, to be honest, but it also wasn't too bad. Definitely worth suffering through as a price for the wrestling. Then there was Uncle Dave. He was different. He started dating one of my mom's cousins, and was more of a toxic masculinity type. I was about four or five years old at this point, and I guess he observed how ticklish I was during one of my wrastles with Uncle Nick. This seems to have piqued a predatory impulse in Uncle Dave. Uncle Dave was never around so much, but when he was, he would track me down and forcibly tickle me to that point where I would want to die. For way too long. It was sadistic and horrible. There was never any pretense of fun as a lead in to it either. It was always just a straight up, dominating physical assault right from the second he got his hands on me. The big problem with Uncle Dave's tickling was that it ruined the fun time I would have with Uncle Nick. Now there was trauma connected to tickling. After Dave's treatment, when Nick tickled me, gentle as he was, I went straight back into the same place where I wanted to die. It was now intolerable. So I bit Uncle Nick. I remember pretty clearly that I felt safe with Nick, and made the conscious choice to practice biting as a defense I thought might work against Uncle Dave. I figured out pretty quick that there was no way to stop me curling up into a ball around some part of a leg to get my face into position to attack. I don't think I bit Nick hard, but he got the message. He looked a bit wounded, but he stopped tickling me after that and didn't hold it against me. He's a good man. The next time Uncle Dave came to the farm, I was ready. I didn't avoid him like I had been before (he always cornered me anyway): I sat down on the living room tickle sofa and waited for him. I don't remember exactly what I was thinking, but I was fiercely determined that this was going to be the last day he tickled me without paying a price for it. Sure enough, Dave zeroed right in on me and got to work. His big, strong hands pinned me down as his fingers drilled into my armpits and ribs. I didn't hesitate either. I turned into him and turtled; sliding my chest and head down his leg until I reached his calf. Then I got a good hold around his leg and bit his calf as hard as I could, for as long as I could. I don't think I actually bit him for long, since he yelled really loudly and wrenched his leg free of me. If I recall correctly, my teeth rather hurt from his flesh getting yanked out from between them. I don't know if he was bleeding, but he probably was. Reared on good, tough, German sourdough bread, I was. Strong jaw. I look up at Uncle Dave and he is white with rage, his fist clenched and raised up behind him. I don't think I even had time to get afraid before Papa, my grandfather, was in the room. He had been at the dining room table in the adjacent room, doing his paperwork. “Vas is zis?” he asked in his normal, quiet, terrifying way. “Your grandson bit me!” yelled uncle Dave. Papa gave this a measured think, with his usual inscrutable expression. “Did he?” Papa finally said, turning his gaze to me. I met his gaze, thinking the equivalent of, “well, fuck it, at least it was worth it.” But there was just the slightest twinkle in Papa's eye that let me know everything was going to be okay. And something new, that hadn't ever been there before. Respect. Papa turned his gaze back to “Uncle” Dave, and I'm sure there was no twinkle there for him. Probably something closer to what Bob Dylan referred to as, “steel-eyed death.” “And vat were you doing ven he bit you?” Papa asked. “Tickling him.” This earned another thoughtful, pregnant pause. This time with a slow nod of judgment at its finish. The Patriarch had reached his decision. “Vell, if he bites you ven you tickle him, maybe you shouldn't tickle him.” Dave didn't like that one bit, there was no doubting that. But he only met Papa's eye for a second before he deflated and got the fuck out of there (while he still had the legs to carry him). Papa just gave me another quiet look, this time with a friendly little nod, and went back to his seat at the head of the table to return to his paperwork. He had not said another word. Now that I think about it, I do believe that shortly after that he started teaching me the game of chess. In thinking about this whole exchange now, as a father myself, I wonder at my grandfather's approach. He was always right there. He saw everything. And he never stopped it. As a child in that position of being victimized, it never occurred to me that some adult might be looking out for me. That someone would come to my aid. I just assumed that to be victimized in that way was my role. Because, clearly, it was. That is, until I figured out a way to protect myself. Then, and only then, my grandfather extended his protection. I was never beneath his notice; he had simply made the decision not to intervene. So what was his lesson to me? You're on your own. When it comes right down to it, you can only rely on yourself. And if you're going to let someone treat you this way, then that is how you are going to be treated. But, when you figure out the right lever to protect yourself, when you've finally had enough and make that proverbial prison shank, at that point I'll have your back.

Maybe it wasn't a good lesson, in certain senses of the word. But it was definitely an important one. Oh, yeah, and Dave never tickled me again either.