#Still loved talking about it with you
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EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt
#talk tag#IT KILLS ME. REIGEN IS NOT MOB'S DAD. HE HAS A DAD. INGO IS NOT AKARI'S DAD. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#(not even necessarily to say that ingo is in his late 20s but still)#(even if he was a 30-40-50 year old no matter how old he is no fucking teenager is gonna call some guy they met as a 15 year old ''dad'')#GAI IS NOT A FATHER FIGURE TO ROCK LEE HE WAS LIKE 13 WHEN HE WAS BORN! PLEASE!!!!!!!!#one time i saw that a person wrote a fic where mario was like a father figure to luigi.#they are TWIN BROTHERS.#not what this about but idk where else i can say anything about this.#just horrible#also sometimes someone is just An Older Friend like no familial relationship just a friend or acquaintance who is a lot older than you
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Listen man, you guys can't be like "you guys need to be normal about asexuality" and then turn around and get weirdly judgemental when you find out someone doesn't have sex by choice. Like that's weird that some of you do that.
#like I love sex im glad we're hyping it up#but also genuinely some of you have got to learn how to be normal around people who dont want to have sex#even if you're not talking about asexuality when you say stuff like that you're still being a weirdass#im not ace myself but i keep seeing posts that come across like they're taking it personally that other people don't want to have sex#it sounds like theyre trying to prove something to someone
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Hey now, Let her cook!
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#izutsumi#oyasumi punpun#<- In case you are wondering what the source for the little bird guy is.#Yeah that's right. I'm back to my extremely obscure crossover BS.#Punpun is one of those series that falls under the category of 'Good! but I cannot responsibly recommend this to anyone."#If Dungeon Meshi is like a friend asking you to go on a quick errand and you accidently go on a life changing roadtrip -#Punpun is your friend asking to go on a quick errand and they pull up to the vet and tell you your dog is being put down.#Then they explode into sludge. Melting your car. You hitchhike back but the person who picked you up is an axe murderer.#I could not finish it. My friends who did say it was good. But agree it was for the best I did not finish it.#Hey speaking of tone twists...We are one episode away from one of my favourite chapters being animated!#WHO'S READY FOR THE SENSHI BACKSTORY! WHO IS READY TO CRY!#ME! I AM! I spooked my flatmate with how energetic I was this morning. I'm vibrating with energy I was not designed to contain.#I should talk about today's episode here: It was very good. I love how they animated the familiars.#And!!! Anime only people now are in the loop on the Chilchuck lore. Part 1 of many. He still contains multitudes.#They all do to be honest! If this episode told us anything it was that we still don't know these characters as well as we think!#See you guys next week. I'll be inconsolable.
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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balor 🥰
#fields of mistria#fom#balor#fanart#art#sir...im so in love w you...#if anyone else like me loved the fuck out of stardew but was disappointed in the romance options...please play this game#the characters/interactions/dialouge is top notch#i knew nothing about this game i found out about it 2 days before release#i thought i was gonna go for march#and immedately met this guy and just#his first line is like (im a traveling merchant) and i went (oh no)#i have such a THING for merchant characters#i can finally live out my dream of romancing volo pkmn#sort of#except not evil#i think#love that the romance options in this game are like... adults with jobs/dreams/aspirations#unlike stardew where everyone is supposedly an adult but is like a teenager??#but in this game everyone is a contributing member of society#love that <3333#the dialouge for real is amazing#anyway. it still in uhh...early access? so you cant do everything youll be able to do one day#but thats good for me bc i tend to blast through these games and do 90% of things within a week#fanart???? from my ass???#only because i love this game and him#im so fucked up for him#not me tracking his ass down everyday to talk to him#also what i love about this game is being able to talk to everyone multiple times a day#like every hour or something
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What do you like about the Diasomnia boys if I may ask?
I always love hearing about the different reasons people enjoy characters.
I mean, c'mon. he has split custody over Sebek okay
also, Lilia in particular has maybe the best timeskip character development of all time
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 chapter 4 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 chapter 4 spoilers#stage in playful land#i hope this is legible whoops#anon i am sorry but you made the fatal mistake of asking me to talk about diasomnia#insert 'i just think they're neat' jpg#i do like the other characters a lot but they are definitely my favorites#they just hit a lot of my favorite things in characters i guess!#yes even you sebek even though you keep shrieking NINGEN at me#(it's okay he gets Character Development™ later)#and their dynamic! it's great! these guys frikking love each other SO much and they WILL have terrible terrible angst about it#ohoho delicious#give me all your emotional hangups baybeeeee#also somewhere in there i went from 'i like them all equally (but lilia is the most fun to draw)'#to 'lilia is absolutely my favorite (and still the most fun to draw) (EVEN MORE fun now thank you swishy ponytail!)'#(it was probably when his candy coating got a little scratched and whoops all the tragedy fell out)#(where's that 'get loved loser' post because i need to staple it to lilia's forehead)#i am extremely bad at putting things into words so please don't ask me to explain it any further#just know that the diafam is everything to me and if we don't get more episode 7 soon i'm going to crumble into dust and blow away#we'll be getting the crowleytimes on monday and maybe there will be. idk. some foreshadowing or something in his groovy#probably not but LOOK i'm desperate
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look gang i know the cishets are going to be annoying about chappell roan like they are with every popular queer artist but we CAN'T gatekeep, because think about how much it would've meant to your little queer self to hear songs about girls kissing girls being played on the radio every single day
#ramble#maybe the most popular artist in the world right now being a lesbian drag queen is a good thing actually#i'm not even that old and when i was first coming out there was still NOTHING#i'm 22 and i think i came out in 2015? and even then you did NOT talk about it at my school bc you were made to feel disgusting#i think the first time i ever saw something openly gay being mainstream was love simon and at the time that was CRAZY#we're supposed to NOT want current queer kids to be like us
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Sometimes I remember he died, he was dead for real, but SO MANY people loved him SO MUCH that he was brought back to life and got to have so many more adventures and get old and eventually retire and yes it's a fictional character but sometimes I think about that and I have to lie down and have a cry about it. We love you Sherlock Holmes
#I'm actively holding back tears I'm not even joking#so many people love him so much#so many people who are Long Dead loved him so much#if i would have a time machine#and assuming i could find one/ some of those rabid fans#i would go right after the empty house drops#and tell them thank you thank you thank you so much#and that in more than a hundred years people still love him#and talk about him#and write their own stories about him#and dissect the original ones#i do wonder if this is still gonna be happening in another 100 years#i hope so#sherlock holmes#acd canon#the final problem#woah i really had An Emotion huh
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The watercolour/sketch style bakudeku you did sparks so much joy you have no idea
Oh thank you so much!!
#I think I know the one you mean#and if it’s the one I’m thinking of I still really love the hc that deku is bigger than bkg even if it’s not true 🥲#I’m back on my Bkdk kick atm haha#I went and saw the new movie :)#NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT BTW#ITS SO GOOD!!#but again thank you for your kind words aw!!!#my art#ask#bkdk#izuku midoriya#deku#bakugou katsuki#bakudeku#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha#my hero academia
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“Don’t… don’t tell him you think dingbat fonts are cool.”
AUGH @forgettable-au fanart :3 been on another roll with it (in agony constantly)
theres some untranslated wingdings cause i love translating it myself, hope others do too :D
not confident on how “canon” or in-character this is but- I HAD FUN this AU has really got me in the rendering spirit, I really enjoy taking inspiration but also adding mu own silly twists on it and AAA everything looks even more tasty now
I view this as them in New Home after getting something to eat (after the last page update) and heading back the same way since Alphys’ place is on the way to The Lab. The font convo comes back up again and then yeah
Alsoooo if youre interested in behind the scenes stuff heres the speedpaint :3
also i never poster about this- but i had another forgettable dream. it didn’t make any godamn sense. I woke up and drew the only scene I could remember:
Wingdings and Sans had a fight and ig wingdings killed Sans 😭😭😭 in a stairwell for some reason
and current Sans, Papyrus brother Sans, is like watching all of this and was brought here by Lancer like a Ghost Of Christmas Past type situation. Idk why. I choose not to attempt to make sense of this anymore. But i swear this is an actual dream i had 😭
#undertale#undertale fanart#undertale au#forgettable au#forgettable au fanart#wingdings i hate you#/pos#wingdings is the bane of my existence#/aff#it doesnt look like New Home#ignore that#angst?#more funny than sad#but still sad#Cause I imagine wingdings was so bothered by the fact that he couldnt talk to anyone without Sans’ help#and he couldnt get the hang of speaking in a different font for the longest time#so he just kinda became apathetic to the idea of making any kind of connection#with anything that wasnt science#like now he ‘doesnt care’#but before DUDE WAS STRUGGLING#i have a sneaking suspicion he still is struggling#like mans is lying to himself fr fr#but also THE FUNNY#I love just thinking about the inflection on how they would say their lines#yeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh… ‘cooool’#i got this idea from how I always thought of Gaster as really cool before this au#like omg bro can speak in SYMBOLS??? THATS RAD#but then- oh yeah if you really think about it…#thats not all that cool. cause yknow#talking to people and making connections is a thing.
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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesn’t feel like you’ve grown at all! times when you can’t really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably should’ve). but that’s also kind of the best thing, because that’s the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, it’s not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just aren’t for you and certain people aren’t your people, and that’s okay. that’s human. it’s okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.
#and that goes for every type of growth#backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident#it was easier making friends and walking up to people#i took more chances#and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much i’d changed#this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well#but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again#there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didn’t know what to say#if i should even say anything#we were all sitting at the same table#not one person even glanced my way#it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before#was that even real? why can’t I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people#especially in my first week!#but you know what#i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didn’t watch#and bikes i knew nothing about#as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didn’t speak to me at all even though I’d introduced myself to them all individually#and even so#people I couldn’t really talk to about MY interests outside of work either#my point being:#it’s okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet#it’s okay to fall back into old habits even though you’ve developed new ones#it will never unravel the process you’ve made and the connections you’ve built#you’re doing fine#after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief#growth in the self#self love#positivity
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"I don't know who I want to be, anymore."
Oc - Cirque | The Dragon Chosen by the Shadows |
| mary oliver / franz wright / chelsea dingman / mary oliver / sue zhao / can't find :( / can't find :( / i am a dog. i have blood all over my teeth. - sciencedfiction / little weirds - jenny slate / the unabridged journals of sylvia |
#RAHHH guys I'm so crazy about her you all should totally ask me about her lore#web weave#webweave#webweaving#web weaving#oc webweave#oc web weave#oc - Cirque#definitely NOT the only webweave ill be making for her#still getting the hang of making these... gonna try to make some more for specific times in her life rather than just jumping around#on love#on longing#on grief#guys i love her shes so fun to squish#making these oc webweaves is so fun because i get to talk about them. also it helps me flesh out their characters#i need a tag for this specific universe of ocs lol#writing a book about them so i guess when i draft up some titles for that book ill use that for them#my webs#alt text
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Instead of writing a fanfic like a normal person this oneshot turned into two separate, contextless things,
#sorry it’s how my brain works (sometimes can only see things in terms of tv scene-)#tumblr exclusive video fancy…#dcmk#my art#(quietly coughing and spluttering) OK alright I can feel the creative brain explosion slowing down. geez#coughs.#nyways. weird that there hasn’t really been a main case where poison is involved in a certain way#If I watch my own scribbled boards for too long im gonna get too embarrassed to post. Send post#Subarus hair is still infuriating by the way like take that off your normal hair is easier. The beanie is easier#you like Have to have the side corners on this haircut or it doesn’t look right#anyways. shiho ptsd moments I think she kind of gets irritated that shinichi doesn’t react the same so when he does she gets like#weirded out and vindicated and a little protective. Like woah wait. Love that you understand me rn don’t like that you feel bad I am going…#to…………. ssssssssssit here about it…………………………….. uhhhh. do you want. a rubix cube to get your mind off it#I don’t want to talk about my feelings I just want you to get it. you don’t wanna talk about your feelings either which is……………. Hmmmmmm#I like her. love of my life miyano shiho#masumi sera#conan edogawa#ai haibara#akai shuichi#let conan swear. HE SWEARS A LOT BUT LET HIM SWEAR IN ENGLISH I KNOW HE KNOWS THEM#man needs his emotional support akai family they like him#rigorous trials to being approved by the akai matriarch but everyone else likes him already and have already picked him up multiple times#and shuichi would let him swear
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Ooh, you want to know what happens at the gay bar run by ex-pirates, ooh...You'll just have to read Tiger Tiger to find out...
(Inspired by this Disco Elysium comic)
#tiger tiger#remy bonnaire#Arno#jamis arlesi#f slur mention#(Remy is allowed to say it. Jury is still out on Jamis though.)#I love that disco elyisum comic so much. I have it saved in several places so I can find it to show people. I lost it once. Never. Again.#Hard lesson about redrawing/heavily referencing a beloved comic is that you will feel so inferior to its genius.#I did my best but I feel like I didn't hit the high notes I wanted. Such is art!#At the end of the day I have to remind myself that I'm still on a journey and not every piece is going to be my best.#Yeah I'm still on my Tigers propagana train. Toot Toot. All abord or perish to the Tigers.#I hear tigers are running the Olympics this year. That's right. It's tigers all the way down.#Obscure references aside; time to talk tigers spoilers:#I was absolutely losing my mind at Remy taking Jamis to the Starfall. He did *not* expect to be in a gay bar.#Jamis is our beloved bisexual lad but I don't think he's fully in tune with it yet.#How down right unfortunate that he is also the hottest cub in the room. Will he realize? What will he realize? Who Knows!#Thank you to everyone who checked out Tiger Tiger from my recommendations!#And thank you to my fellow Tigers fans for receiving my comics with open arms. Next comic will be about Rat Man.
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Viktor's (subverted) Aristotelian Tragedy
A common sentiment I’m seeing throughout post-finale Viktor discourse is an understandable concern or distaste for the element of choice lost throughout his story. I know a lot of us – myself included – expected more time spent on his transformation, along with emphasis on the anger/rage/betrayal fueling it. But seeing him allow Singed to “begin the process” in episode 8 reminded me of Arcane’s origins – tragedy. Bear with me for another long analysis :)
Aristotle wrote the following on the tragedy: “A tragedy is the imitation of an action that is serious and also, as having magnitude, complete in itself…with incidents arousing pity and fear, wherewith to accomplish a catharsis of these emotions.” He also emphasized that the true tragic hero couldn’t be perfect, and his downfall into such catharsis-inducing circumstances was reliant on a fatal flaw, oftentimes pride.
Viktor fits this mold, as do many Arcane characters, and it stands to reason that this was intentional since the writing team has reiterated that the show is a tragedy, at its core.
Regarding Viktor’s fatal flaw, I’d argue it’s pride, but it manifests very uniquely. He never makes any grand declarations about his success and doesn’t draw attention to himself in any clear way throughout season one (“Progress Day” comes to mind). Instead, his pride manifests as staunch independence and self-reliance that lead to his downfall; his unwillingness to break his stoic mold arguably led to his use of the Hexcore…so it goes.
Fascinating caveat: Viktor’s pride is a defense mechanism, a necessary tool he built in order to survive and succeed in a hostile environment to people of his station. His self-reliance is increasingly desperate as his illness worsens. He’s cornered by fate but banks on the sanctity of choice at every turn – in season one, Viktor is bound by the conviction that we all have a choice. It’s why he’s so distressed when Jayce makes the wrong one regarding weaponizing Hextech.
“There is always a choice.”
Viktor’s choice to fuse with the Hexcore is the classic Aristotelian fatal flaw moment, the singular incident that opens the flood gates for eventual catharsis. We watch Viktor make an irreparable choice, one that we know to be bad, and endure the repercussions. He then makes the choice to abandon the Hexcore, and end his life, but audiences can’t shake the feeling that those consequences aren’t leaving anytime soon.
So why is Viktor so anti-choice in his final season 2, act 3 form?
Choice is Viktor’s weapon. Pride is what leads him to abusing it. Despite how uncomfortable and depressing it is to watch, Viktor’s slow descent into the Herald is a perfect twist of fate. The Arcane is even so insidious that it meshes with his original intent, to help those suffering in the undercity, while convincing him that their subservience is healing. He becomes responsible for their choices. He knows what’s best because he’s relieving the Gloriously Evolved of their suffering, right? The utopia is for the greater good, yes?
Admittedly, it was really hard watching act 3 Viktor descend fully into his choiceless ethos. But we can still relate it to his tragic flaw – his pride has mushroomed into coldhearted omniscience; not only does he know what’s best for everyone, evolution, but he also has the sense to make the choice for them to supersede their “baser instincts.” The grief we feel upon seeing this perverted, violent version of himself, as far removed from Viktor as possible, is the culmination of Aristotle’s treatise on tragedy. The catharsis is the rock-bottom Machine Herald.
"Choice is false."
But then Arcane decided to basically make Jayvik canon (get out of here, Christian Linke) and destroyed the early drafts of this post. I’m going to rapid-fire this next bit:
Jayce forces Viktor back to life. Viktor has no agency in his season 2 inciting incident. Again, it’s distressing when we mourn his agency, but it remains in accordance with Aristotelian tragedy.
Viktor clings to humanity as long as he possibly can. When Jayce calls out Viktor’s trajectory, alleging that his old partner had died in the Council chamber, whatever is left of Viktor gives way to the Arcane because his last tether has been snapped.
Jayce knows the game – Old Man Jenkins Mage Viktor told him so. Jayce becomes the linchpin in subverting Viktor’s tragedy. He knows what must happen. He understands now.
Machine Herald Viktor is given the chance to undo his fatal flaw, to reverse the catharsis, when he sees Old Man Jenkins Mage Viktor. With Jayce’s help, he takes it.
Given that it’s a version of Viktor who ultimately frees him from himself by empowering Jayce, we can gather that Viktor has liberated himself from his tragedy.
Aristotle’s catharsis is rapidly transformed from something based in release to something healing – Viktor’s tether to humanity returns. He grasps it. The walls of his pride and self-reliance collapse. He accepts Jayce’s help, finally being seen as the full individual he is. Catharsis ensues, for sure, but I don’t think it’s based in the typical tragedy genre.
All this to say, I think Viktor’s arc was, in fact, carefully constructed. He represents the Aristotelian descent into a fatal flaw and that’s very distressing to see unfold, especially since he embodied the tragic hero archetype so well from day one. However, Jayce undoes this narrative and we’re given an incredibly subversive ending that I, personally, never saw coming.
I’m sure that Mage Viktor has a much larger bearing on this analysis than I’m accounting for. But for now, suffice to say that he is Viktor’s way out of the tragedy. TALK ABOUT CHOICE!
This doesn’t erase anyone’s discomfort for Viktor having less and less agency, but I’d like to emphasize the logic and literary precedent behind the story decisions.
PS: here's a quick source I looked at about Aristotelian tragedies. I hope to re-up on Greek tragedies so I can get more specific about the parallels Arcane draws from them.
#wow! big one! thanks for reading if you stuck thru to the end#if you couldn't tell...i am a fan of viktor's entire story#it still doesn't feel fully real to me#and OFC they could have - and should have - spent way more time showing rather than telling#but that's a problem unfortunately endemic to the entire season so i see no point in dwelling too much#i just. i love him#and i will never stop talking about him for as long as i live ok ok#viktor arcane#arcane viktor#jayce talis#jayvik#arcane meta#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane spoilers#also i fucking love old man jenkins mage viktor and nobody will silence me on that front#viktor propaganda
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inquisitor lavellan: 🧍♀️is there....any chance that solas might listen to reason..?
everybody else:
#inquisitor lavellan#solavellan#dragon age#da:tv#veilguard spoilers#damn inquisitor lavellan you got the whole squad laughing#but not me!! not me!! i believe in you! and your love! this is how we can still win! we can turn this car around GET IN#can you imagine being her. like 🧍♀️ everybody talking about how theyre gonna defeat the man you love#all these people who have seen his memories and seen his anguish but do not know him as you do#they only know him as the dread wolf who needs to be stopped but you still remember him as solas#you still believe he can be reminded of this too#damn this was suppose to be a silly lil post and now im sad
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