#Still have that migraine btw girlies!

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 119

The problem with having a human bard follow you around is that bad food can make them sick. Geralt could and would happily eat undercooked or overcooked food. Food was food. Stale food was food. Food. Was. Food. But his bard is more delicate than him. He could get sick, or could even possibly die if he so much as eats something wrong. Thus Geralt begins paying a kind older woman in a town to teach him how to cook. She assures him that with enough practice and recipes from her, he'll be a perfect spouse for his Jaskier. Geralt goes to correct her and say they're just friends, but when she mentions telling him a special recipe because of it, Geralt decides there's no harm in going along with the lie. Jaskier meanwhile is surprised, when he gets to the town where Geralt and him have agreed upon meeting each other that spring, only to run into a woman who very loudly exclaims "Oh! Geralt's husband!" Geralt's what?

[akakios-aikos]

Diary Entry #003

Tuesday, 11. July 2023, 23:38

Alright, so originally I wanted to wait a bit before I do the next entry, but something just happened seconds ago that has me shaking to the point where I might think I'm going to have a panic attack once I'm done with typing this out.

So to go through everything that has happened, it's probably best I go through everything in the order it happened. So last Entry was on Saturday, Sunday was pretty boring, so there is nothing I really need to add there. I think one nice thing that has happened on Sunday, was that I was out with my siblings and a mutual friend of us getting some Sushi all you can eat in your fave restaurant. During the night from Sunday to Monday, I actually tried a spell to manifest a

Now to Monday, so Tay decided to reach out to me after work (I guess?), asking me about what I have been up to, I told him, that work has been boring and how I got some Oil-burns while cooking on the weekend. He, as expected, didn't ask any more questions about the subject, and instead we were talking about his shit (like always). At some point, he just stopped replying right in the middle of the conversation for like 6 hours???? And then he came back like nothing happened, and we just continued talking. Like, at least tell me what the fuck took you so long.

Well anyway, while he was taking his time with replying I had a discord call with Cil and I KID YOU NOT, I love this woman so much. So I told her about how I feel very alienated with the girlies, especially Iruna and she absolutely understood my worries and told me that I was valid in the way I was feeling which... It felt sooo good having someone respond to my struggles with understanding. She told me that I can very well reach out to Iruna and talk about my fears, and how she is sure they will understand how I have been feeling recently. Especially since Iruna did reach out to me again today.

Then we also talked about the situation with Tay and how I feel like he doesn't really acknowledges my issues and the things that I care for, like my stories and poems. Cil once again was the most amazing listener and told me that it is something I have to clearly communicate with him, because what's the point of putting any more effort into a connection if it's completely one-sided? But how do I even tell him those concerns, I don't want to beg him to treat my properly, I just want him to treat me properly without me having to wish and beg for it. So that's something I will have to put in some more thoughts into.

Well now to today (Tuesday). First of all, I didn't go to work, the constant weather changes gave me the BIGGEST migraine. I stayed at home not really doing anything but sleep till noon, once I was feeling a bit better I helped out my older brother with some work and decided that I want to pick up Fire Emblem Engage, because I am really in the mood for some games again. I am probably going to do that tomorrow. Tay and I continued talking, since his response was at like 1 am I think, so we just kinda picked it up again after I woke up.

So now I have been idling in my bed since then going through social media ordered pizza, doing not really anything, when I suddenly see a response Tay made to some RANDOM FUCKING TWEET that just was talking about the reasons why one could be single, and he decided to fucking respond to that saying that he is better off that why and how he doesn't feel like a relationship right now. So now I am shit scared because I DO still have feelings for him, but do I even have a chance??? What can I do to get him to reciprocate these feelings, i wanna be with him but after everything that happened, THAT IS ALL HIS FAULT BTW, he doesn't wanna be with me? That's why I am so scared off communicated my worries with him since I feel like that might turn him away from me and I need to be as loving and pleasant to him as possible... i dont know what to do

[trustmeimadoctor]

Came to a realization last night. Lots of memories coming forward and really clearing up... I know it's still going to be a struggle with Mr. B but I don't know how we can truly doubt ourself anymore. Throughout childhood, teenage years, early adulthood up until now. The signs have always been there. Obvious signs. But now we understand. The constant struggle with identity, not even talking about being NB or transgender, the many upon many "nicknames"! We remember one of our old abusers making fun of us for that actually. When we lived with him we even took part in the joke by putting up signs with whatever name we were that day on our bedroom door so people knew. So. Fucking. Obvious. The constant struggle with, "Is this how I act? Is this how I talk?" People repeatedly saying, "This isn't you! Why are you acting like this?!" or when one day our sister said to us, "It's like you're putting on a performance, like you're in a movie or something." Then one of us responding with, "Oh really? Well thanks for the compliment." Then smiled weirdly. And she was clearly uncomfortable and said, "I didn't mean it as a compliment." The constant change in how we dressed, tomboy to girly girl, to goth etc. Different ways in behavior like being a mother or a brother or a tough guy or a scared child. The fact that a therapist told us that when we were 13 we had the maturity of a 16 year old. People never guessing our age correctly. When we were younger people always guessed way older or younger. Now people just assume younger because we got "stunted". The constant conversations out loud while being completely alone. Afraid someone might catch us doing that and make fun of us for it. We used to write A LOT. Poetry, journaling and stories. We've read them over time and time again over the years and who ever was fronting would say, "I wrote this?" And legitimately be impressed by the writing but have no memory of it. Not only no memory of writing it but the thought process, the reason why, was just beyond us. Always getting into trouble in school, made fun of by teachers for "daydreaming too much". Btw if you're a teacher who makes fun of a student, especially a child, in front of the class, fuck you! That shit only encouraged the bullying we already had to endure. I know we've mentioned this before but the PAIN!!! The regular chest and stomach pain! The UTI's! The undiagnosed chronic migraines with aura! The struggle to breathe from chronic allergies! We! Were! Ignored! And made to suffer! And even made fun of and out right harassed by family members because of it! The constant need to be off on our own to suffer in silence... There are more obvious signs we're sure of it. Last night Donatello was fully waking up and getting REALLY UPSET about the neglect. That we were made to suffer for no good reason at all. We. Didn't. Ask. For. Any. Of. It. So we will continue to heal and cope in whatever way we choose. It has been always just us that has taken care of us. So fuck the people who want us to merge or integrate. We mean EVERYTHING to each other.