#Still fairly new at writing Fyodor

[giggly-squiggily]

*me just seeing your newest post* Headcanon to drabble event? Ooh, nice!

*scrolls down more* WILLING TO WRITE FOR FYODOR?! HELL YEAH! DOUBLE NICE!

Finally, my time has come as the biggest Fyodor simp on this Earth... So, you know how Fyodor wears that ushanka all the time? I headcanon that he wears the ushanka, not only because it's warm, but because his ears/neck are exceptionally ticklish and he really doesn't want people finding out. Keeping the headcanon in mind, can you please write a drabble for lee! Fyodor and ler! Reader (any gender)?

Feel free to decline this request, it's up to you! And if you're nervous about writing for Fyodor, please don't be! That time you wrote for him during the Candy Heart event was spectacular! You write him very well! Be safe and have a lovely day!

Oo, I'm learning new words today! :D Fyodor's pretty grand, even though my knowledge about him's fairly limited, I hope I wrote him alright!

“Are you cold?” You nodded at Fyodor’s ushanka. “It looks rather warm.”

“Hm?” He looked over at you, hand coming up to pat the warm material. “It is quite warm. I chill easily.”

“Do you, now?” It checked out- between the fur cape that matched perfectly, you were almost convinced that was his only reason. “Can I feel it?”

“Feel…?” He eyed you, suspicious. You reached up, patting your head. “Ah…why?”

“It looks so soft! I won’t do anything weird, I promise.” You reassured, watching his expression. Just sit there and smile…don’t show a thing…

“Very well.” He gave in, submitting to your puppy eyes. “How do you wish to-” He stopped talking when you climbed into his lap, sitting so you stretched above him. “Ah, I can’t say I dislike this position.”

“Shh, it’s the most ideal.” You smiled, reaching out to touch. It was as soft and warm beneath your hand, just as you expected. Beneath you, Fyodor seemed…motionless, like he didn’t know how to react.

But then your fingers wandered into his hair and you felt him ease beneath you, letting out a content sigh as you smoothed out the strands. “So this was your plan?”

“Maybe~” You grinned, easily pushing off his ushanka so you could really get in there. His hair was even softer than his hat. “Or maybe…it was this!”

Without any warning, you shot your hand to the back of his neck, wiggling your fingers. Almost immediately his relaxed state disappeared, and he stiffened beneath you. “Aww, what’s the matter? Is the great Fyodor ticklish?”

“Sneheheheaky (Y/N)!” He choked out, scrunching up his shoulders in a vain attempt to block you out. That only gave you more room to go for his ears. “Nohohoho, dohohohon’t you dahahhare!”

“Oh I dare.” You grinned, delighted to see him smiling so much. “Tickle tickle, Fyo~”

Send me a headcanon and character(s) and I'll write a short 300-500 word dabble for it!

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

Any siglai or sigma × fyodor (idk the ship name) hcs?

Thank you for your request anon! I hope you enjoy the hcs!

I choosed to write some Siglai headcanons since I prefer it much more than Sigma x Fyodor and since I don't have many headcanons for the latter.

TWs: Mentions of panic attacks and crying, very slight mention of murders, very very slight mention of breakdowns, slight mention of a Sigma-typical existence crises (It's a large part of his character after all)

I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes. English isn't my first language.

Nikolai regulary uses his overcoat to visit Sigma in his office at the casino without any warning or announcement

Due to this, he is also always the first one to notice when Sigma is overworking himself past his limits or if he's panicking in secret again and he will always take care of him then, gently forcing his boyfriend to stop working and to take care of himself for once

Nikolai admires Sigma when he's mad but he's also actually a bit scared of him then. If Sigma lets his anger show for once, it's always intimidaing to be honest

They often bake cookies together or better, Sigma bakes them and Nikolai eats the chocolate chips and the raw dough leftovers which are still in the bowl

They both enjoy baking together though. These moments are one of the few calm and doemestic moments they have in their life

Often Nikolai also turns on some music while they are baking and to which they dance together while they wait for the cookies after they've put them into the oven

Upon seeing Sigma the first time, Nikolai thought he saw some kind of an angelic person instead of a human and he hated him for a good while because of the things he made him feel

The first time he saw him was when Fyodor and him went to the sky casino in order to talk with Sigma about a new plan and there he saw the casino manager, roaming around in the gambling halls, talking kindly with people and giving commands to his employees.

He had hoped oh so bad that this person wouldn't be the person with who they needed to talk but it was and from there on his emotional struggles began and they lasted for months

Nikolai loves to braid Sigmas' long hair and Sigma also loves to braid Nikolais'

They play poker and other card games together extremly often in the evening

Sigma often wins but Nikolai isn't bad at gambling and playing himself. Both are actually fairly good at card games.

Besides this, Nikolai also often cheats

Nikolai loves to leave small presents for Sigma on the latters desk

Sigma on the other hand always leaves small sticky notes for Nikolai on his nightstand which greet him good morning and which tell him that he loves him when he leaves for work at his casino

Nikolai introduces Sigma to a lot of things and has made it his mission to show Sigma as much fun things to do as he could

There was a lot of bickering and fighting until they sorted everything out and became a couple and by now they still bicker a lot given how irritating Nikolai can sometimes be but despite this, they actually work extremly well

Nikolai helps Sigma through each panic attack, no matter how messy they are and no matter how hysteric he gets and Sigma always helps Nikolai and is there for him when he is breaking down or when he is struggling with guilt after murders or when he's struggling with his need for freedom once again.

Nikolai loves to call Sigma pet names in Ukrainian and loves it even more when Sigma keeps trying to find out what he just called him

Eventually Sigma tries to learn Ukrainian and surprised Nikolai once after he replied to him in Ukrainian.

They went stargazing together once on the rooftop of the casino. Sigma has never felt more closer to the stars and since he loved heights it was even better. Nikolai showed him all the constallations he knew and admired Sigma while the other looked in awe at the stars over them

He thought that Sigmas' eyes sparkled just as much as the stars that night and he loved that sight

When Sigma is sitting on the floor of his office, making himself as small as possible, crying and feeling scared, Nikolai often sits down next to him, holds him close and wraps his overcoats over both of them which always gives Sigma a feeling of security and safety

Sigma helping Nikolai to wash off the blood after another mission while the clown is sitting on the edge of their bathtub, staring holes in the air with empty eyes is a thing

Having a car chase with the police while Nikolai is driving, laughing cheefully and driving like a madman while Sigma is screeching at him to drive faster and aiming at the wheels of the police cars with his gun is a thing too

Nikolai thaught Sigma how to dance and by now they sometimes slow dance together in their kitchen or their living room, Sigma lying his head against Nikolais' shoulder and letting him lead or them leaning their forehead against the others', looking each other in their eyes, drowning in them and just silentley enjoying each others presence, occacionally quietly telling each other sweet nothings.

Sigma often struggles with who he is, his humanity and with his existence, not knowing for what he was born after all and while Nikolai knows that he can't do anything to make his boyfriend feel better, he is still always there for him and calms him down

Sigma once nearly went to work with Nikolai's black lipstick smudged on his lips but luckily one of his co workers informed him kindly about it before he went out to his costumers, saving him from an embrassing situation.

Sigma came home that evening, wanting to strangle Nikolai for not telling him and while Sigma was scolding him Nikolai just laughed which made Sigma even more embaressed and angry so he ended up tackeling Nikolai to the couch, pining him down on his shoulders, straddling his waist and telling him that he's gonna throw him of the sky casino if he does something like that again. Nikolai tried to stay serious while promising him to never do something like that again but failed miserably so he lied on the couch giggling causing Sigma to stand up in defeat but Nikolai quickly stood up too, hugging him from behind, burying his head in the crook of Sigmas' neck and apoligized, asking him not to be angry with him

Of course Sigma couldn't be angry at him for long

Nikolai has a lot of nicknames/ pet names which he loves to call Sigma. Some of them are "birdie", "dove", "doll", "my love", "cookie", "Sig" and multipile bird species which he finds cute.

Dove is his favorite nickname for Sigma

Sigma hogs all of their blankets at night

Nikolai thought Sigma how to braid hair

They love to cuddle with each other

The go bird watching together and feed the birds sometimes

Sigma was deep in denial about his feelings at first and got extremly irritated and angry with Nikolai in that time

Sigma is the only one besides Fyodor who knows that Nikolais' right eye is actually blind

Nikolai feels comfortable enough around Sigma that he often puts off his overcoat and lies it on the couch when he's staying at Sigmas' office for a whole night once again, keeping his boyfriend company while he's working though his paperwork. It's a huge sign of trust

Even if they are in a relationship now, the clown still loves to play pranks on his dove

Nikolai admires Sigma so extremly much and Sigma admires Nikolai too. He would just never admit it out loud.

They sometimes drink tea together and eat cookies while chatting about their day

If anyone of the the casino costumers dares to make Sigma uncomfortable, to make him feel bad or if they would even start to harass him and if Nikolai finds out about it, he will find this person and deal with them in his very own way depening on what they did.

Sigma can defend himself, that's out of question, and he can and will ban people from the casino but he usually stays somewhat polite and Nikolai wants to make sure that they will never ever even dare to try to talk to Sigma

Both are pretty protective of the other but Nikolai is the most protective of them

Nikolai sometimes surprises Sigma with a breakfast

Regular kisses on the hand, cheek or neck are a thing

While they bicker extremly often, they are also super affectionate and caring towards each other

[knockyasocksoff2022]

Dizzy | Fyolai

(A/N: sorry if this isn't very good. I have been strugling with writig motavation but felt abd that it's been so long since I've last written and posted anything BSD related. As I have mentioned before I'm new to BSD so I'm that familar with Decay of Angels but Fyolai are just so cute that I wanted to write something for them. Sorry if they're out of character or is the setting is weird. Also I may change the title if I think of a better one, I also may edit/improve this but for now here you go.)

~~~

Nikolai P.O.V

I skip down the hallway towards the main room to find Fyodor. We don’t have any work that needs our immediate attention today (I say this because Fyodor says there’s always work to be done) but I haven’t seen Fyodor since I woke up and went to go bird watching and  bother the Armed detective agency. 

He’s probably working, I really wish he would rest some.

-

Not much to my surprise Fyodor is sitting at one of the tables on his laptop. Just seeing him puts a smile on my face and I hurry over to him.

He doesn’t look up. I frown. A few seconds later, still nothing.

I wave my hand in his face, He blinks slowly.

“Dance with me, Fedya!” I say twirling again.

He gives the faintest of smiles, and shakes his head gently, “Kolya, I really shouldn’t be standing right now.”

I pout. “Oh, Fedya, ever the workaholic! You can take a break for a few minutes. Your work won’t grow legs and run away.”  His expression changes, I can see he wants to indulge me, so why doesn’t he? 

His frown deepens. “No-” I cut him off before he can protest about not falling behind.

“Wheee!!!” I giggle as we spin together.

Suddenly Fyodor feels heavier. He groans, “Niko . . . . .” My name is on his lips but the sound disappears and he crumples in my arms. My heart stops, what’s happened to him?!

Before I can start screaming he blinks his eyes open and relief restarts my heart, lifting the heavy feeling from my stomach. Of course, he fainted. This happens fairly frequently. I should be calm, and yet he looks so fragile and sickly. I take a deep breath, a scream still rising in my throat.

“Fyodor!” Frantic, I place my hand over my lover’s forehead. He’s warm. “You’re burning up!”

“Do calm down Kolya. I am fine.” He says it casually as if he hadn’t just collapsed in my arms.

“You fainted!” I urge him to see the severity of the situation.

“Yes, I did.” he confirms, still sounding like this is hardly an unusual occurrence. 

“You have a temperature.” I plead still hoping to impart upon him the seriousness of this situation.

“Yes, I am aware. And worry not, I am not contagious either.” He sounds like he’s reassuring me. It’s frustrating how he doesn't see the danger of him just fainting out of nowhere.

I don’t understand. If he’s not ill then why does he have a fever? “Well, then what–”

He shakes his head again, “My body is weak, for reasons unknown even to me, I run low-grade temperatures occasionally. I am not ill but these ‘fevers’  increase my already plentiful dizziness, and affect my spatial awareness. They also tend to leave me fatigued.” He explains his condition gently, leaning into me for support. I feel immediately guilty. He was suffering and I was too preoccupied to see it.

“Oh, Fedya, I’m sorry.”

He smiles, it isn’t a big smile but it’s for real this time. “It’s alright, you did not know. Now if you could please help me sit down again.”

I’m smiling again. “I’ll do better for my Fedya.” I say picking up the ravenette, “Let’s go home. You can sleep, I'll be right there.”

He nods and closes his eyes snuggling closer to me, I tighten my hold on him and begin walking back to our room. Fyodor is already asleep.

(A/N: Today I'm starting the soukoku glasses AU I've been procrastinating on for sooo long so pls wish me luck!)

[thepolymathexcuse]

Weeklies: Improving

Good day, learners!

Our projects have experienced significant growth over the week. We used our Second Brain system as a tool for tracking progress, listing priority tasks, and reviewing the relevance of active projects. This allowed us to accomplish more and procrastinate less. We did encounter several instances of procrastination over the week, but they’re within our control.

This week’s highlight is the completion of the YouTube course on Rhetoric and Composition: College Fundamentals. We watched the final six videos, which emphasized the concept of the editing phase and how the skills we learned can be applied to different areas of our lives in a concept called transfer. You'll soon see in this blog the experience and the summary of the lessons we learned from the course.

Next up, we're currently in the initial stages of creating our first digital product: an e-book. There's only one other person who knows about this venture (hi Aei!) among my multiple groups of friends. We figured that while waiting for results from the applications we sent out, we have to figure out how to make profit, albeit passively. The challenge for this venture is its current stage: creating the product. Will it make money? It’s worth trying. After continuous revision and the production of the final output, there remains a list of things to do, including the marketing involved to gain traction and the technicalities involved such as copyright and business registration. We'll tackle those obstacles once we're there. 

Fortunately we have a network of people that could help in the pursuit of this venture. We were never known for our practicality, so this desire to publish a book isn't mostly stemming from money. Like we reiterated, it’s a dream to just get our writing out there in any way possible, and consequently add value to those who read them. Overall, this project is exciting because sales is fairly new to us.

The job hunt continues, because the bills are starting to pile up. Because of this, we’ve released our next round of applications last week, and there’s more to go for this week.

Another area of learning includes my other project that I’m hesitant to reveal just yet, since it's still in the early stages of development. We don’t even know where the project is currently headed to! We learned a little bit about the philosophy of existentialism, and I can't wait for this philosophy to be reflected in my future compositions.

We've commenced yet another project, called the 30 Days of Scripture Reading, which is our philosophical undertaking of Christianity. Some existentialist philosophers are also Christians, including Soren Kierkegaard and Fyodor Dostoevsky. We stated during the blog introduction that this polymath undertaking is our personal attempt at living a meaningful life. Right now, existentialism seemed the best option to live our life, but the toolset we could gain from reading the Scripture might be valuable in this undertaking. 

Maybe an entire lifetime will not be enough for this journey; there’s just too many questions arising from newfound answers. Integrating our learnings from the book Thinking Better, a shortcut might be helpful. Similar individuals have already carved out a path for a life we aspire to have. It would save us a lot of time to traverse and, in turn, enrich those paths for the next generations. This is how existentialist philosophy has deepened our personal search for a meaningful life.

Finally, here’s a list of a few media that we consumed this week:

Two videos from Ali Abdaal’s mini-series on the 4 most important brain chemicals (dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins) with neuroscientist TJ Powers; [1, 2]

A video on making time for reading from Odysseas, another YouTube channel; [3]

A Crash Course YouTube video on Existentialism; [4]

“The Answer is Not a Hut in the Woods” [5] by YouTuber exurb2a, which tapped on themes of being lost in your 20s, adventure, and the people we meet along the way; and

Three podcasts on existentialism.

We also went with two other groups of friends (college and high school), had a virtual meetup with Anne, and maintained a continued effort to communicate with some of our friends. Some of these “social responsibilities” stressed us out on certain days, but the good thing is that we didn’t act on those stresses right away. Instead, we carefully thought of what we could do next time in order to reduce the impact of these stresses. Overcommitting has always been a problem of ours, but sometimes those commitments do pay off. Either way, we’ve learned how balance should ultimately be the goal. 

Those are the things that happened this week, and like we always say, keep wandering and chase what excites you.

[nikadoesanart]

“Other Worldly” Ability Users

Since I’ve been seeing a bit of talk of this panel/page (chapter 76, page 12) as of late, I might as well discuss it next!

For reference I read akai-koutei’s translation of the chapter so check it out here if you haven’t already (or to refresh your memory on it).

Also I do mention things from up to chapter 90, Stormbringer and Dead Apple towards the end so keep those spoiler warnings in mind!

Quick summary of the pages leading up to this panel: the fight between Teruko and Sigma is coming to a conclusion and Teruko is trying to convince Sigma to surrender. She claims that he’d have to fight prodigies, going off of Sigma calling himself an ordinary man. She then tells him, “Welcome to our world” and Sigma seems to envision this group of ability users due to her words.

Analysis: why/how is this vision shown

As for why I believe it was Sigma imagining this, it’s mainly due to the panel order. As for how he saw it, I believe that it’s equally likely that he either used his ability at this moment to find out what Teruko meant by “prodigies” and who is a part of this “world”, OR Sigma grouped these people together himself based on information he had received in advance from the likes of Dostoyevsky (ie. ability users to watch out for)

Analysis: the selection of the people in the vision

Teruko, Fyodor, Dazai, Tecchou, Chuuya, Fukuchi, Fitzgerald, and Jouno are all considered to be “of a different world” because of their sheer strength, skill, and/or wit.

Some of these entries should be fairly obvious, given how powerful some of the skills are directly in combat alone (Chuuya, Fukuchi, Fitzgerald Tecchou). Continuing with the capabilities of their skills: Teruko, Fyodor, Dazai and Jouno are included due to how game changing their skills are in a fight. Dazai and Teruko can easily render their opponent powerless with a single touch. The restrictions and capabilities of Fyodor’s ability are currently unknown, but it is hinted that it involves death or fatal injury upon contact. Jouno, the least obvious member of this grouping, has hearing so powerful that he can read people’s heartbeats, and with that read people’s reactions. It wouldn’t be far fetched to believe that he can also predict people’s movements with this (ie. the shifting of their weight or a change in breathing), making him very difficult to outsmart in battle.

In regards to wit and intellect being a factor in this grouping, this really applies to everyone in the group. Maybe not so much chuuya and tecchou, (and possibly teruko too) as they’re more combat oriented and skilled then strategizing. For starters, we know quite well just how good Dazai and Fyodor are at predicting others’ actions, and with that being able to strategize far in advance. Fukuchi is a skilled and trained fighter, and as we learn from his fights we’ve seen so far (up to ch 90 at the time of writing this), he more than knows how to strategize in a fight, as well as with larger decisions. We also have evidence of Dazai, Fyodor, Fukuchi’s, and Fitzgerald’s capabilities of strategizing as leaders. Chuuya must clearly be skilled in this too, seeing as he is an executive, but when it comes to fighting we know that he’s more focused on the combat of the fight than the strategy of it.

Analysis: the people that weren’t included, even though you’d think that they would have been.

→ Akutagawa and Atsushi aren’t a part of this group, despite being considered the “new double black” and Atsushi’s ability being described as one of the strongest that can cut through almost anything → even together, the two of them barely stood a chance against Fukuchi. Even when working together, the infighting and their own self doubt of their own individual capabilities is likely part of what’s keeping them from being in this group. We know that they don’t compare to the likes of Dazai and Fukuchi when it comes to wit/intellect/foresight. It would be interesting to see them fight someone else in the group though, like maybe Chuuya (as in for sparring/training purposes, doesn’t have to be as enemies)? They’ve beat Fitzgerald when working together but on their own, they struggled.

Chuuya get your butt over to Mersault, break out Dazai, and fight Fukuchi with him, please

→ Fukuzawa and Mori aren’t in this group, despite Fukuzawa being able to draw his sword so fast that it can’t be seen and Mori being the one that taught Dazai his strategizing skills. This is likely because their abilities would be considered much less extraordinary by comparison, as Teruko can age anyone and Dazai can nullify abilities for example, which both may not seem combat oriented but they can render their opponents powerless with a single touch vs Fukuzawa having a more simple support ability that only does so much and has specific activation requirements

→ Tachihara also isn’t included despite being a Hunting Dog and his ability having already been revealed by this point. Although we still don’t know the full limitations of his ability as of chapter 90, we do know that he can wield it very skillfully (ie. moving a life size mannequin with convincing realism, being hinted that he could do something about the vampirism). We know that his wit and intellect doesn’t compare to those in the group, as he admitted that he needed Mori’s help with realizing that Fukuchi is an enemy and why (though to be fair, he was under the influence of the writing in the page.

Post @chazukekani’s Stormbringer summaries addition: having Chuuya be included makes even more sense now due to the uniqueness of his ability (without spoiling too much, not only is Chuuya’s ability a god’s power implanted in him, but also how using Corruption is tied to ability singularities)

Post DEAD APPLE novel addition: why was Shibusawa not included in this group? Based on how Ango refers to him, Fyodor, and Dazai as aliens, then shouldn’t he be included too? The government was also keeping Shibu alive and safe because of how unique and valuable his skill is.

“But the government kept protection’ him anyway because he was a valuable skill user who could counteract a nationwide invasion of skill users.” (p 121 of the Yen Press translation for the Dead Apple novel)

Chapter 76 came out late 2019 so plenty of time after DA released. It could point to Shibu’s canonicity being questionable and (more importantly) there’s also the fact that he’s long dead by this point of the manga, but I don’t know why else he wasn’t included because Asagiri did say in his DA novel afterward that DA has had some influence on the story.

“Chronologically, the story takes place after the second season of the anime—in other words, after the war with the Guild, which puts Dead Apple somewhere between the ninth and tenth volumes of the manga.” . . . “The novel also ended up affecting the main story in numerous ways,” (p 196 of the Yen Press translation for the Dead Apple novel)

That’s it for my analysis of this! I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on why certain people were or were not included in this grouping, as well as feedback on my own reasonings!

[chouetteffraie]

About BSD S3

Alternative title: Kenna talks about stuff literally nobody asked her to <3

So now that s3 is over and I’ve had a few days to breathe, I think I wanna say a thing or two about the season overall. Now, I’m not a meta writer, I’m not a person who can go in over analyzing everything perfectly- quite simply, I don’t have the brainpower to do that for too long. So rather than this being an analysis of everything and an objective evaluation of the quality of the season, this is largely an emotional response where I just talk about my experience with it. I’m not a critic- I don’t think I have that in my blood. I watch to enjoy, then reflect on what I did and didn’t enjoy, taking snippets and twisting them into something that might become deep and meaningful occasionally if it suits my writing. There’s nothing wrong with being a critical analyzer! We need you all in the fandom for all these fabulous metas and such <3 I just don’t think I’m the right gal for the job.

“So, Kenna, what is it you have to say?” Well, in the simplest of terms,

I really liked season 3.

“...wow. Groundbreaking.”

Now, let me explain myself. There are problems with season 3, as there are with most seasons, but I feel, overall, there were enough things that I liked about season 3 to keep the season in my favor.

I think my biggest criticism would have to be with pacing. The pacing  in this season was so off for me and can be described as sporadic at best. From backstories to character introductions to character re-introductions, there was so much that went by in a blur and so much that seemed to go on forever. My biggest complaint probably has to do with (yup, you guessed it) the adaptation of Fifteen.

Let me explain.

First of all, I think the complaints that Bones used Soukoku as ship bait have a sturdy foundation, and I’m not here to dispute that. As a Dazatsu main myself, I’m not gonna complain about loving scenes with your favorite ship in them- I would absolutely die if next season (hopefully there is a next season!) we got a three-episode plot revolving around Dazai and Atsushi. However, I just don’t think it fit in nicely with the rest of the series.

After all, it’s kind of unfortunate that we got 3 episodes of Soukoku’s backstory, and yet our protagonist only got 1/3 of an episode.

Maybe Fifteen would’ve stood better as an OVA, or maybe if it could’ve been shaved down to two episodes. Maybe if BSD had been given three more episodes for genuine content, things would’ve been better. I don’t know how possible any of these things would’ve been, but they’re ideas. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed Fifteen overall. But I remember thinking that it seemed so out of place when I knew the chaotic arc that was coming. 

I’m not an avid manga reader, but I know enough to be able to say that the BSD manga has a lot of content, a lot of nuance, and a lot of personality. The manga is the source material and what got people so invested in the story. If there wasn’t an interest in the manga, would there even have been an anime adaptation? What I’m saying here is that staying true to the manga is a good rule of thumb, and while of course you won’t be able to translate everything into animation, it’s probably best to try and be as similar as possible with a story like BSD.

Manga readers ate up the story of BSD without being interrupted by Fifteen, because as far as I’m aware, Fifteen is fairly new? (Didn’t it come out around Dead Apple time? I’m not entirely sure, but it might’ve been.) And, unlike The Dark Era, the events of Fifteen didn’t have nearly as much of an impact on Dazai (that would later impact our protagonist- after all, how could he mentor Atsu if he never quit the mafia?). Fifteen was more Chuuya-centric in terms of future impact, which brings me to my next point.

Chuuya is a side character. I love him, honestly, and think he’s a great character, but he isn’t our main focus. This seems to be a problem that Bones has a lot: “forgetting” who their protagonist is. 

I can defend The Dark Era because of how it explains Dazai’s connection with the mafia and why he switched sides. Dazai is easier to get away with focusing on because he is a primary character, although not the protagonist, and probably has some of the most influence on our true protagonist out of all the characters we know. Chuuya....doesn’t. At least, not yet. His backstory, while interesting and fun to see, is inconsequential to where our protagonist is at right now in the story. In fact, I’m not even sure if Atsushi and Chuuya have interacted in the anime aside from that standoff in the hospital hallway- and even then, that was an illusion. While Fifteen gave us a glimpse to Dazai’s life in the mafia, it didn’t give us anything we didn’t already know other than how he met Chuuya, and how he met Chuuya didn’t impact his relationship much with him or explain why he hates him so much- they just kind of always did. (what would you call that? Anti-chemistry?) That means it also didn’t really impact the major decisions Dazai had to make to get to where he was when he found Atsushi- which is when he began to matter, because that’s when he started influencing the world of the protagonist who is supposed to drive our experience through the narrative.

Please note, this isn’t a hate on Soukoku, and if you like Fifteen, or thought it fit, or just liked it because it gave you such good SKK content, I’m happy for you! This is just a personal grudge I have with the series.

This is why Fifteen would’ve stood better as an OVA- it doesn’t have anything to do with the protagonist. A core purpose of the protagonist in any story is to make the narrative relevant. The events of a story are connected because they pertain to the protagonist. Let’s take the Hunger Games as an example. The events of the actual game don’t relate at all to the death of the Everdeen father, or the fact that Primrose Everdeen was selected, or the fact that a certain Everdeen was given a pin of a mockingjay. These are all important because they relate to our protagonist, Katniss. Her father dying made her have to step up inthe household and feel responsible for her mother and sister’s safety, which helped prompt her to volunteer as tribute. Her pin later became the symbol of a revolution, but only because it was hers. If our protagonist had been Peeta, Katniss’ backstory with her father and mother and sister wouldn’t matter to us because it wouldn’t be our protagonist’s concern.

So, why, then, did we get 3 episodes of Chuuya’s backstory and 10 minutes (not even) of Atsushi’s? Hell, we got more of Kyouka’s backstory than Atsushi’s, or at least a better buildup to it. We even got more content of Randou, a character they completely screwed up (and also didn’t really affect Atsushi). I know events are tied together and connected, but when trying to fit an arc like Cannibalism into 12 30-minute episodes, you’ve gotta decide what’s important and what’s not.

Bones, I feel, didn’t choose what was most important.

“Alright, Kenna, all you’ve done is complain. I thought you said you liked season 3?”

That’s the thing, though- I did.

I like the time they spent with Lucy and Kyouka’s hostile interactions. I liked the background they gave to certain characters (Gin, Kyouka, Atsu [even though we got so little], Katai [-ish]) plus we got more Fyodor content. Fitzgerald’s episode was really good, too! I’m a newly-fledged, softcore Fitzgerald stan. I think the last three episodes were pretty well put together, and I ADORED the final scene (no, not just for the Dazatsu content- although thank you for the food, Bones uwu).

Now, these are all little things, yeah, but I feel together they make up enough for Fifteen on my end. See, I’ve always thought BSD had pacing issues from season 1. It’s no news to me that they had trouble squeezing all the content in the episodes they were given, to be honest. If I separate Fifteen from the rest of the season, to me, it’s cardinal sin is pacing, and only pacing. The issues of Fifteen are plentiful, but it doesn’t seem fair to me (and for me, it’s more than ok if you disagree) to pile that all on to the rest of the episodes. Yeah, it was disappointing that we didn’t get as much Fyodor time, or Atsu backstory time, or whatever else we wanted. But to me, that’s okay. We still got the point of what’s going on- the city is in trouble, the worst is yet to come, and Atsushi and Akutagawa have a deal now.

Bungo Stray Dogs has always appealed to me because of its characters more than its story, I connected with the people, not the narrative. I still thoroughly enjoy the story, but I’m more interested in how the characters interact in general and how they operate as a team or in stressful situations. For that purpose, Bones provided. At least they did in my book, even if we didn’t get enough of who we wanted to see.

I have hope for next season, if there is one. I have hope that Bones will right their wrongs. I have hopes that they’ll fix their pacing a little bit. The manga has so much content to portray, though, that a certain pacing issue can be forgiven (like the ones I saw in s1 and s2.) And, because I love the characters, I’m willing to hold out for another potential season and see if they can fix it.

If you’re upset, you have every reason to be. But, though I have my complaints, I can’t say I’m too terribly disappointed. Maybe a little, but I still look forward to future content. I hope we get it soon, if at all.

(And, believe it or not, this is the shortened version of all my thoughts. Haha!)

[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[blackjacketmuses]

frost blue, burnt umber, tea orange, vermillion, coral, bougainvillaea, currant, crimson, mallow, cadmium yellow, anise, new leaf, sanguine, cool grey for you newest muses~

frost blue: does your muse enjoy the snow and cold? or are they the type to enjoy summer more?

Dazai: Dazai hates cold weather. Hates it! He’s too skinny for this he hates being cold, catch him burying himself in six blankets or draping himself dramatically across a space heater. He’s not a fan of sweaty weather, either, but summer is less awful.

Poe: Edgar prefers the snowy season and winter most of all, mostly because it’s the season for blankets and warm drinks and snuggling up in your room to write. And really, ‘strangers stuck in a building during a snowstorm’ is a classic mystery trope and one of his favorites.

burnt umber: how stable is your muse, mentally and/or emotionally?

Dazai: Ahahahaha. Okay, no, he’s actually fairly stable? In a, uh, very specific sort of way. He’s functional, by some description, and not A Mess, but...he’s stable in that we can expect him to keep his cool and not have a meltdown? But he’s definitely not...he’s mentally stable, I’d say, yes, but not emotionally stable. He’s just very good at pretending otherwise.

Poe: Ha, not really? He’s far better now than he was at the bottom of his epic downward spiral, but he’s definitely not the most stable man. Too much anxiety and depression and cripplingly low self-esteem and shyness. 

tea orange: what is something that your muse is fascinated with?

Dazai: Suicide. I mean, besides that, uh. He actually has a fascination with reading about gods and monsters and folk legends? Part of that is absolutely because of Chuuya and Arahabaki, but part of it is a desire to both find something so out of the normal that it might actually kill him, or find an explanation for why he is how he is.

Poe: Cryptography! Word puzzles and ciphers and codes are so neat, and he loves making them and solving them. He’s considering making some to give to Ranpo to try out for a change of pace from mystery solving, but he’s not sure if the other man would be interested...

vermillion: is your muse courageous, or would they consider themselves to be more of a coward?

Dazai: Well, Dazai doesn’t think in terms of courage/cowardice? He has a very utilitarian “if it needs done, it needs done” view of things; no matter what it is, if it’s necessary to do, he’ll do it. More generally, I’m not sure he even can feel genuine fear? He can be concerned or worried or shocked, but real fear is a little beyond him.

Poe: Oh, he absolutely thinks of himself as a coward! He refuses to fight and would much rather just avoid any confrontation altogether, and hates raised voices and loud noises and crowds. (He does however have an extremely high tolerance for spooky/scary things and occult creepiness, he loves that shit, so there is that.)

coral: what is your muse's romantic and sexual orientations?

Dazai: Bisexual biromantic. However, he’s also...I wouldn’t say he’s demisexual or demiromantic, but though he’s absolutely flirtatious on occasion (of late, it’s just a new thing he’s playing around with trying) and has had sex before, it’s not something that he really puts much thought into. Feelings are hard enough to parse without putting romance into it, and he sees sex as more of a way to feel things and as a release more than anything intrinsically tied to romance. He is capable of it, though, it’s just. Complicated to say the least. 

Poe: Edgar is absolutely deeply, deeply asexual, and he’s not very sure about romantic orientation? He has had crushes on a few girls before, but he’s very much also crushing hard on Ranpo. So I’d really put him as biromantic, but still somewhat closeted.

bougainvillaea: would your muse consider themselves as blunt, or do they beat around the bush instead?

Dazai: Ha. He can be vague about things when he wants to be, and he is a lot of the time --- he treats a lot of things as only need-to-know basis, especially his plans --- but when the chips are down he can be pretty brutally blunt.

Poe: He hates being straightforward, it makes him anxious that people will be mad at him, so he’s gotten really good at beating around the bush and talking around things. He is a mystery writer after all.

currant: what's something that absolutely disgusts your muse (can be a person, place, thing, ect)?

Dazai: Waste of life. He’s very pragmatic and efficient and straightforward with all he does, and even if his plans are left mysterious and a little convoluted at times they’re all plotted to get the result as quickly and simply as he can manage; he hates any sort of thing where people die or are hurt for no reason, like how Mori basically threw Oda away, or Mori releasing Q without caring about collateral damage. Can you tell he isn’t a big fan of Mori? He didn’t like him before, but despite him being genuinely devoted to the mafia, his habit of making moves that don’t seem to care about getting people killed who don’t have to get killed has really not helped. 

Poe: Bad writing!! Purposefully bad writing!!! Writing that shows you give zero fucks about the actual characters and plot of your work, just the end goal of whatever you’re writing!! Writers selling out and going paint-by-numbers with their plots because they care more about the money than the work itself!! He’s very passionate about this!!!

crimson: how passionate is your muse about the things they love most?

Dazai: Passion is difficult. I wouldn’t say that he’s passionate about the things he cares about most, even suicide, but he’s devoted. Passion implies a level of emotion that he’s not really capable of experiencing quite as much as most people, but he’s devoted to the things he cares about, so that’s in a way the same thing.

Poe: Super passionate. Mysteries and writing (and to a lesser extent the occult and cryptography) are basically the only things that get him excited and able to actually talk and gesture and get really happy and passionate and vibrant, that really let him come out of his anxious shell and be the huge dramatic dork that he is.

mallow: what sorts of things might remind your muse of those close to them? any scents, objects, sounds?

Dazai: Wine, stupid fancy hats, cats, curry, bourbon and jazz music, schedules, the sound of a chainsaw, butterflies, straw hats, piles of candy, stuffed rabbits or stuffed tigers, a default cellphone ring, black coats, ochazuke.

Poe: Candy, newsboy caps, the smell of grapes and the ocean mixed together, snowglobes and tea, the scratch of a pen on paper, green eyes.

cadmium yellow: what subjects or topics does your muse avoid, because they bring up harmful / painful memories?

Dazai: Don’t talk to him about the mafia, don’t talk to him about Lupin, don’t talk to him about Ango or Odasaku, don’t ask him about his history with Akutagawa or Mori, don’t ask him about why he’s so obsessed with suicide (and expect a straight answer). In fact, he tends to avoid talking about anything from before he joined the ADA as much as he possibly can. He’s started a new life, as far as he’s concerned, and wants the ADA to know as little about who he was then as possible. Not necessarily that he cares if they think less of him, it’s just...he wants to do what he promised Odasaku. He doesn’t want to bring the person he used to be back into this.

Poe: He doesn’t talk about his parents much, and he sure as hell avoids talking about the six years between his defeat at Ranpo’s hands and his arrival in Japan with the Guild. He can give basics to others if necessary, but he doesn’t want to relive that time.

anise: when it comes to self-care, what does your muse do to take care of themselves? do they take care to spend time on it, or do they feel they don't deserve it?

Dazai: What’s self care? His sleep patterns are pretty irregular if he sleeps at all, and he either eats normally or forgets to eat for days at a time, it varies wildly at best. Self care for Dazai is, in all honesty, trying to kill himself. Yes, you can be worried, this is definitely unhealthy.

Poe: Self care is blanket burritos, hot cider or mulled wine, and a good book. He has enough bad days that sometimes this is literally all he can do, and though he’s trying not to drink as much anymore, it still happens.

new leaf: what message would your muse send to their past self, if any

Dazai: He can’t think of anything, and even if he could, it’s not like it’s going to change anything. What’s the point in it? He knows the person he was wouldn’t listen.

Poe: Please don’t give up. If you keep working hard, you’ll see him again and he’ll acknowledge you.

sanguine: does your muse typically have an optimistic, pessimistic, or some middle ground outlook on life?

Dazai: He’s pretty realistic, almost pragmatically so. People are idiots, prone to thinking emotionally, evil people exist and win more than they lose, and life is full of bullshit and things you can’t stop or change even if they suck. But somehow, people still live. People still live, and that’s...probably enough for them. As for personally, it’s....a lot more complicated. 

Poe: He’s pretty pessimistic as a general rule, poor thing.

cool grey: if your muse could ensure one thing for certain in their future to come, what would it be?

Dazai: (manga spoilers) If he could ensure one thing in the future, it would be that the ADA gets their reputation back after they defeat Fyodor and can go back to their usual lives without being hated or chased down or accused of things they’d never do/have never done. He doesn’t care so much about himself, but he wants the rest of the ADA to get their lives back.

Poe: One thing for certain? That none of the people he cares about die or are lost to him. What’s going on right now is scary, and he’s afraid for the people involved in it. (That, or that he gets to keep Ranpo’s respect.)

[not-poignant]

So I was scrolling through your old tumblr posts looking for the 'Greyscale' tag, and I found a post from early July 2013 that mentions TIP, and that Mosk's name was originally Amshel. Can I ask about the development process that led from one name to the next? Or was it just a simple, 'Eh, Mosk sounds better'? (Also it's crazy awesome you been sitting on TIP for *this long*. Way more patience than me!)

Honestly, there wasn’t a huge development process with the names.

I just couldn’t write or grok the character with the name Amshel. I thought about it, nothing happened. I tried to sit down and write, nothing happened. I tried to get an idea of who Amshel was, nothing happened.

So I changed the name. Initially it was going to be Moss, but I thought that was too on the nose, and I also wanted something that ended in a harder consonant, because I feel like that would suit his personality a bit better. Then I went with Mosk. And that was all the development behind it.

When it comes to original characters, I’m really fussy about names. Like I’ll name a character in five seconds, but if that name doesn’t fit, I’ll change the name asap. There are certain types of fae I don’t write, because of the names they have (unless I can give them a new one).

Currently I’m going through a similar process trying to name my two MCs for the Iverna series (I haven’t written much about this series anywhere as I’m still figuring it out). I’m fairly certain that one will be Nikolai (though I worry about him being called Nik, since I can’t write a Nick/Nik, and thankfully Russian nicknames are way more expansive than this and include Kai and Koly and a bunch of others, but...I still worry. The fandom calling him Nik could be enough to put me off writing the story/stories, so I think ‘well, should I just change the name to protect myself now’), and the other character is maybe Torvik, but I don’t like his nickname either. I’m actually tempted to change his name to Fyo/Fyodor, even though we have another Fyodor in The Golden Age that Never Was.

Because the character would be getting called by their nickname most of the time anyway, and I do really like the name Fyo.

So it’s not so much a ‘Mosk sounds better’ (though close! The process isn’t that complicated), so much as a ‘I can’t grok this character, it’s not my fault as a writer, the name is wrong.’ And 9/10, that turns out to be the case re: original writing for me.

[akutagawaprize]

No offence, but I feel as if in this chapter, the author got tired of this entire ark in general, as the entire situation was solved ridiculously fast. Now, I don't really understand Japanese, so this may not be accurate. But from what I see, both highly powerful opponents were ridiculously quickly subdued, and somehow Fitzgerald decided to side with the Mafia and the ADA for no reason. We didn't even get to know Fyodor's ability yet, and he's already defeated.

I, too, was disappointed in this chapter, but after collecting my thoughts, I decided that it wasn’t a bad way of ending this arc, if this indeed is the end. Sure it may have looked abrupt, but it could have been worse… Or so I like to tell myself.

(Warning: I try my best to be unbiased and objective but this may read like a lot of whining. Only proceed if you’re fine with that.)

The good:Akutagawa’s promise to Atsushi; appearance of the rest of ADA and Port Mafia; Fitzgerald saving the day; Ango and his crew appearing; that not-so-subtle nod to Odasaku in the end

The “I don’t have much of a good or a bad opinion on this”:Shin soukoku new combo move;  Chuuya still in the book

The bad:Quick resolution to the arc; implied lobotomy(!?); Dazai and his keikaku doori antics again; strange sense of déjà vu since they used practically same buildup as the last arc, but now it’s the remix version

First of all, I’ll just have to throw out my wildest (not really) theory out here: Fyodor is still the “final boss”. Come on, he gets the moniker “The Demon” and gets jailed off like that? No, no. It doesn’t make sense at all, at least to me. So my guess is that Agatha and the Order of the Clock Tower will swoop in to try and mess with the Agency, but when they’re on the verge of defeat, Fyodor steps in and uses this chance to strike ADA for himself. So uh Guild Arc 2.0. Or something along those lines. This could’ve been a test drive. Or he could have other Rats in Russia waiting for orders in case there’s a Phase II. Call me optimistic, but that’s what I would like to believe.

We jailbreak from Azkaban and invade Ministry of Magic now.

There really isn’t much to say about Dazai proving himself a formidable chessmaster again, other than I called it on an earlier ask. I just hope I’m not the only one tired of him being right all the damn time. No one can be that all-seeing…

People keep asking about Chuuya. Some were disappointed he only had one panel, some were rejoicing because it was “in-character” he stayed because he enjoyed fighting. But Ranpo kinda confirmed Chuuya stayed not because he wanted to beat people, but because it’s faster that way than using his brains? He’s not dumb, but come on, why would he prolong his stay if at that time his current concern was to protect Mori/kill off Fukuzawa? So yeah, his fate doesn’t really interest me, because I’ve always thought he was someone who is too popular to die… Not important, because sheesh let’s face it, Asagiri hasn’t really fleshed him out yet and doesn’t seem to have the intention of wanting to anytime soon. (Light novel soon please? Or a backstory in the movie if they wanna get dat yen lmao)

I’m more curious about how Ranpo got out, because the last time Poe trapped him, he was transported back with Yosano after solving the case. Was there some unwritten rule that a person can be selective with who he brings back with him? I hope we get clarifications on this, I’m a sucker when it comes to analyzing abilities and their corresponding limits and restrictions. It bugs me that in BSD there are a lot of additions and contradictions when it comes to abilities and that they come up only when it’s convenient to the plot. (For example, anyone can activate Doppo Poetry as long as they have a page with them. I don’t think it’s been mentioned before, but anyway it bothered me for some reason.)

Another big thing this chapter: Akutagawa’s promise to Atsushi. I got an ask talking specifically about this, so I’ll write a post about that later. For now, I can just say that it’s probably the best thing that’s happened to Akutagawa after the “You got stronger” shoulder pat. I’m not expecting him to turn over a new leaf, now full of hope and vigor for life, but he’s trying and he might come up with his own concluson to an unanswered question in his heart: “What is my life worth living for?”

Oh and Atsushi being able to rip out abilities… Imagine if Wolverine can No Longer Human enemies… I don’t like this at all, but what can you do, he’s the protagonist anyway so he gets a pass.So for now I’ll be bumping Atsushi to No. 2 of the most powerful known Ability users second only to Lovecraft. Granted, he had to team up with Akutagawa to come up with this Ultimate Dark Claw thing, but still. I guess I just like balance. In any case, one can argue that shin soukoku needs to grow stronger if they want to fend off the coming Europeans.

Food for thought: If Dazai can nullify abilities and Atsushi can also cancel out abilities with tiger claws, will they cause a singularity if they got into a serious fight?

Hmm.

Fitzgerald! He didn’t care about Fyodor getting his leftover assets actually, but remember, it was Fyodor who crashed Moby Dick. He also reasoned that while he has no interest in whatever he’s “left” behind, he didn’t want a rat using his leftover resources. In short, he did it to spite the Russian. So while I can respect that, I was still hoping that instead of Dazai coming up with the deal (how did he even know Fitz acquired Eyes of God?), it would be Katai who would call this to attention. After all, as someone who is knowledgeable about technology and electronics, he could have picked up information on Eckleburg. Of course, there’s a fair bit of chance that he heard about it from Ranpo or Atsushi (they were there when Alcott asked for help) but there was no explanation for how Dazai came to that knowledge. Ah. Well.

I mean, until now we don’t know how Natsume saved Katai.

Dazai then went on to say that Fitzgerald will declare war on them again so this + the yacht are the last friendly gestures they’re going to get from the Guild. Wonder what happens to Lucy and Poe now…

They totally could have asked for a Special Ability Permit in exchange for their services but okay Richard!

The victory afterparty. Kunikida and Katai were nowhere to be seen, so was Yosano. You know who else we haven’t seen? Hawthorne and Katsura. With Katsura, he could have been helped by Kunikida… who I believe is still mourning the deaths of the innocent children… They should really address that next chapter. Or whatever. As for our Winter Soldier, he’s either roaming around aimlessly or he was captured. Who knows? We don’t know how he got mind-controlled either (another Rat? or suffered a similar fate with Ivan…). But if his goal was to heal Mitchell, then Yosano is the perfect answer.

What else? Oh! Fuku wasn’t in the party too right? Meeting up with Natsume and Mori? I don’t know…  As you can see, I come up with various scenarios and get them wrong 75% of the time. I was being dramatic too over Elise even though I knew she’d come back, but… This was fast. Glad to see her again though!

Oops. I rambled enough. Those were my thoughts, more or less. As I’ve said, it was a fairly standard BSD chapter. Disappointing, but still has a lot of loose ends which can be neatly tied up in upcoming chapters. I know a lot of people liked how this chapter ended, but… I’m not one of them, I’m afraid. I hope to be more enthusiastic about future chapters.

[peperoprincess]

This wasn’t the story @ultipoter asked for, and I will most certainly get back to finishing the other one shortly, but I started writing this one this evening and managed to finish it in one sitting, so I thought I’d go ahead and post it!!

Please proceed to the story (2040 words) about bad cooking and an exploded family house under the cut :^)

      The week had passed in relative quiet. Just like the week before, and the week before that, Ekram had spent a good majority of his time working in his study. Oksana didn’t really understand what “working” entailed most of the time, but whatever it was, it kept him busy for most of the hours in the day. Oftentimes, he’d finish in time for them to eat a late supper together, and as of late, she’d been trying new recipes every evening. She wasn’t the best cook in the world, and the first night she’d set a plate of something new in front of Ekram, she’d watched him take the first bite and he had visibly tried to school his face into a neutral expression. Thinking that he was just being picky, she’d shovelled a heaping spoonful of food into her own mouth only to immediately spit it back out into her napkin. That night, they’d ordered Chinese food and watched a movie instead. But as the days had progressed, she’d gotten both increasingly better at making different dishes, and increasingly creative with the dishes she chose. She tried a variety of plates from different countries. Some worked, while others had been tossed into the “do not make again” pile. All in all, it was nice. She got to spend time with Ekram in the evenings, and it gave her something to look forward to.

       It was a Friday afternoon, and Oksana was preparing some ingredients for that night’s meal. Her short hair – she’d lopped the long locks off again recently, preferring the light airiness although Ekram always protested when she did so, sad to see the length go – had been pinned up on top of her head in a mess of red waves with glittery gold clips. The ornate vines and flowers that decorated them were inlaid with small, rounded cobalt blue stones that matched her eyes. Ekram shuffled into the kitchen a little earlier than usual, and took a seat at the table, watching her work. He still refused – to Oksana’s great dismay – to let her trim his hair, and the result was a style that matched her own; too long that it often fell into his eyes but short enough that it could only just barely be drawn and pinned away from his face without an interesting amount of time and effort. In this case, he would usually just pull as much of the unruly mop back as he could, into a small ponytail at the nape of his neck. Oksana had grown tired of listening to his complaints when the hair wouldn’t obey him, and often chided him when he refused, time after time, to let her give him a trim. Oksana had come to think that he enjoyed his hair long, just as he enjoyed hers long too, but had taken up a hobby in complaining and just liked to make a nuisance of himself. But of course, even if he was a nuisance, he was her nuisance and she still regarded him just as fondly.

       She had her hands under the tap, rinsing some vegetables when her phone rang on the table next to Ekram. He picked it up and looked at the screen.

“It’s Nikolai,” he said.

“Go ahead and answer it, see if there’s anything important.” Ekram slid his finger over the screen, accepting the call, and held the phone to his ear. Although Oksana didn’t hear anything on the other end of the conversation from her spot at the sink, she felt Ekram step up beside her and put the phone to her ear, holding it there for her to speak while she finished with her hands in the sink, placing his own hand on her other shoulder.

“Niko, what is it?” With her brother, like the rest of her family, she spoke Russian. His voice was strained on the other end of the line, the only indication that there was anything amiss at all. He wasn’t usually the type to show any emotion under duress, usually the one to be the calmest in the face of hard situations.

“You should come home, there’s been… an incident.”

Oksana’s brows knit together with worry, and she let the vegetables drop back into the sink basin before wiping her hands on her jeans and taking the phone from Ekram. “What’s wrong?”

       When Oksana and Ekram arrived at her parents’ home, there was still a considerable amount of damage to the house itself. An entire section looked splintered, like someone had either blown it up, or driven a car through out. Quite honestly, it would have been a sight to make Oksana laugh had it not been a serious situation, which involved her parents, her own family. She stood, her face set in an expression of shock as she looked at the mess that had been made. Ekram slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her a fraction closer, offering silent support. This was a house that he, too, had been most familiar with. Although he hadn’t grown up in this house, as Oksana and Nikolai had, he’d spent a considerable amount of time there throughout his life, from the age of fifteen. The Belikovs’ father, Fyodor, had taken Ekram in in order to train his – at the time – young son, at the tender age of five years old. They hadn’t done any sort of intensive training, but little Nikolai had been a very attentive boy when it came to learning about weapons, and had been both a good listener, and when the time came, as good with weapons as anyone twice his age. Naturally his younger sister, Oksana who was at the time only four, had tagged along and wanted to do the same things as her brother. Ekram, fifteen years old, had tried his best to discourage her, but the more he tried, the more stubborn she became. Over the years, she had instead turned her attentions to Ekram, which had made him uncomfortable at first, with both the age difference of eleven years and later, as she grew older, the way she seemed to always try to catch his attention or shock him with her words. That being said, Oksana was just as much a master of weaponry as her older brother, and all that messing about never seemed to take away from her focus or cause her to make mistakes. She was serious when she needed to be, and Ekram had appreciated that. Eventually, the two had grown closer, and close enough that finally, he didn’t feel so uncomfortable at her advances, but rather simply wondered why exactly Oksana, who could charm just about anyone by batting her eyelashes, would still be so stubborn in pursuing him. He’d hadn’t, of course, ever asked her to clarify this.

       The house was, indeed, in disarray to say the least. When Nikolai came to stand beside the two of them, Oksana and Ekram, his sister took his hand in hers and squeezed once before letting go. He informed them both that a few days before, there had been an issue with a job gone wrong. Fyodor was a weapons dealer, and usually dealt with some unsavoury sorts. This sort of thing didn’t happen very often, not very often at all she remembered her father saying. She’d never experienced any issues while living under this roof, and she’d been there for eighteen years before venturing out on her own (with her brother close by, of course). But this seemed like more than a “small incident,” as Fyodor was trying to explain. Oksana’s grandmother, Irina, had been injured at the time, which sent sharp spikes of worry through Oksana. Nikolai explained that she was fine, only a few minor scrapes, and that she would be fine in a matter of days. The old woman, nearly a couple centuries old, didn’t look a day over forty save for her shock of wintry blonde, almost white hair. It was a little strange to have such a young-looking grandmother, but Oksana still thought of her as being such, and worried about her just the same. Eventually Akilina, their mother, wandered over. A tiny, birdlike woman, she swept Oksana and Ekram up into a hug despite the fact that she was more than a full foot shorter than he was, and nearly a foot shorter than her daughter. She fluttered about them in greeting, pulling them down to plant kisses on their faces – even despite the fact that Ekram was a grown man. Akilina had always shown a fondness for him, and had considered her just as much a son as her own boy.

       To Oksana’s dismay, some of her possessions had been destroyed during the mishap. She approached the mess, leaving her brother and mother with Ekram as she entered the house and sifted through the rubble in her room. Overall, nothing of terrible importance had been lost, although she was plenty distraught that her wardrobe had been remodelled in the blast and that some of the weapons wall she’d assembled over the years had met a most gruesome and untimely demise. Eventually, after she’d spent some time cleaning up the remains of her poor weapon-children, Ekram found his way back to her. She was sitting on the floor when he found her, dust streaking her face. She looked up at him with a smile, only briefly, before dragging a bag of trash and rubble to the corner of the room. Ekram glanced around, taking stock of the place. It reminded him fondly of his room at home, at the touches of Oksana that littered the place now that she spent more and more time there. She was generally mindful of where she left her belongings when it came to Ekram’s room, but now and then he’d find her clothing tossed over the back of a chair, a weapon tossed haphazardly in a corner. Here, the same had clearly been true, but to a far greater extent. He smirked a little, turning his head to glance at her desk, which had remained fairly untouched. He reached over and straightened a few of the knives that seemed as if they might fall off the desktop, when a particular, smaller blade caught his attention. He glanced once more at Oksana, who was still occupied with the remaining mess, and back again to the dagger, picking it up and palming it. The dagger was old, worn on the hilt from years of being handled. It was similar to his own favourite set of daggers, the sleek, dark ones inlaid with patterns of gold, opalescent and glittering when hit with just the right light. This one, too, was sleek, covered in designs of vines and thorns, small sharp blossoms interspersed throughout. The blade itself was polished to a shine, not a single speck of dirt, and it too was ornate and beautiful. Although it was ten years old, along the length of it were still engraved the words let your aim be true. He’d given her the dagger as a gift for her birthday when she was younger, after she’d mastered the throwing knives. She’d been delighted to keep the dagger close to her, though sometimes perhaps a little too close. He’d been afraid that the poor girl would slice herself open with the thing, and she often made him nervous that he’d given a minor a sharp weapon. Putting it back onto the desk, Ekram let out a little laugh, pushing away from the door frame where he stood and making his way over to Oksana now sitting in the middle of the floor. She was covered in a layer of dust now, and let out a small sneeze. When she’d finished rubbing her face, only succeeding in streaking her cheeks with even more dust, Ekram crouched and pressed a kiss to her hair, and wiped his fingers over the marks left on her cheeks, a smile in his eyes as he cleaned the mess from her face. Some things had changed over the years, but sometimes she still reminded him of the eager child who followed him around and clung to him, intent on learning just like her big brother.

[readbookywooks]

The Sensualists

GRIGORY and Smerdyakov ran into the room after Dmitri. They had been struggling with him in the passage, refusing to admit him, acting on instructions given them by Fyodor Pavlovitch some days before. Taking advantage of the fact that Dmitri stopped a moment on entering the room to look about him, Grigory ran round the table, closed the double doors on the opposite side of the room leading to the inner apartments, and stood before the closed doors, stretching wide his arms, prepared to defend the entrance, so to speak, with the last drop of his blood. Seeing this, Dmitri uttered a scream rather than a shout and rushed at Grigory. "Then she's there! She's hidden there! Out of the way, scoundrel!" He tried to pull Grigory away, but the old servant pushed him back. Beside himself with fury, Dmitri struck out, and hit Grigory with all his might. The old man fell like a log, and Dmitri, leaping over him, broke in the door. Smerdyakov remained pale and trembling at the other end of the room, huddling close to Fyodor Pavlovitch. "She's here!" shouted Dmitri. "I saw her turn towards the house just now, but I couldn't catch her. Where is she? Where is she?" That shout, "She's here!" produced an indescribable effect on Fyodor Pavlovitch. All his terror left him. "Hold him! Hold him!" he cried, and dashed after Dmitri. Meanwhile Grigory had got up from the floor, but still seemed stunned. Ivan and Alyosha ran after their father. In the third room something was heard to fall on the floor with a ringing crash: it was a large glass vase -not an expensive one - on a marble pedestal which Dmitri had upset as he ran past it. "At him!" shouted the old man. "Help!" Ivan and Alyosha caught the old man and were forcibly bringing him back. "Why do you run after him? He'll murder you outright," Ivan cried wrathfully at his father. "Ivan! Alyosha! She must be here. Grushenka's here. He said he saw her himself, running." He was choking. He was not expecting Grushenka at the time, and the sudden news that she was here made him beside himself. He was trembling all over. He seemed frantic. "But you've seen for yourself that she hasn't come," cried Ivan. "But she may have come by that other entrance." "You know that entrance is locked, and you have the key." Dmitri suddenly reappeared in the drawing-room. He had, of course, found the other entrance locked, and the key actually was in Fyodor Pavlovitch's pocket. The windows of all rooms were also closed, so Grushenka could not have come in anywhere nor have run out anywhere. "Hold him!" shrieked Fyodor Pavlovitch, as soon as he saw him again. "He's been stealing money in my bedroom." And tearing himself from Ivan he rushed again at Dmitri. But Dmitri threw up both hands and suddenly clutched the old man by the two tufts of hair that remained on his temples, tugged at them, and flung him with a crash on the floor. He kicked him two or three times with his heel in the face. The old man moaned shrilly. Ivan, though not so strong as Dmitri, threw his arms round him, and with all his might pulled him away. Alyosha helped him with his slender strength, holding Dmitri in front. "Madman! You've killed him!" cried Ivan. "Serve him right!" shouted Dmitri breathlessly. "If I haven't killed him, I'll come again and kill him. You can't protect him!" "Dmitri! Go away at once!" cried Alyosha commandingly. "Alexey! You tell me. It's only you I can believe; was she here just now, or not? I saw her myself creeping this way by the fence from the lane. I shouted, she ran away." "I swear she's not been here, and no one expected her." "But I saw her.... So she must... I'll find out at once where she is.... Good-bye, Alexey! Not a word to Aesop about the money now. But go to Katerina Ivanovna at once and be sure to say, 'He sends his compliments to you!' Compliments, his compliments! just compliments and farewell! Describe the scene to her." Meanwhile Ivan and Grigory had raised the old man and seated him in an arm-chair. His face was covered with blood, but he was conscious and listened greedily to Dmitri's cries. He was still fancying that Grushenka really was somewhere in the house. Dmitri looked at him with hatred as he went out. "I don't repent shedding your blood!" he cried. "Beware, old man, beware of your dream, for I have my dream, too. I curse you, and disown you altogether." He ran out of the room. "She's here. She must be here. Smerdyakov! Smerdyakov!" the old man wheezed, scarcely audibly, beckoning to him with his finger. "No, she's not here, you old lunatic!" Ivan shouted at him angrily. "Here, he's fainting? Water! A towel! Make haste, Smerdyakov!" Smerdyakov ran for water. At last they got the old man undressed, and put him to bed. They wrapped a wet towel round his head. Exhausted by the brandy, by his violent emotion, and the blows he had received, he shut his eyes and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow. Ivan and Alyosha went back to the drawing-room. Smerdyakov removed the fragments of the broken vase, while Grigory stood by the table looking gloomily at the floor. "Shouldn't you put a wet bandage on your head and go to bed, too?" Alyosha said to him. "We'll look after him. My brother gave you a terrible blow - on the head." "He's insulted me!" Grigory articulated gloomily and distinctly. "He's 'insulted' his father, not only you," observed Ivan with a forced smile. "I used to wash him in his tub. He's insulted me," repeated Grigory. "Damn it all, if I hadn't pulled him away perhaps he'd have murdered him. It wouldn't take much to do for Aesop, would it?" whispered Ivan to Alyosha. "God forbid!" cried Alyosha. "Why should He forbid?" Ivan went on in the same whisper, with a malignant grimace. "One reptile will devour the other. And serve them both right, too." Alyosha shuddered. "Of course I won't let him be murdered as I didn't just now. Stay here, Alyosha, I'll go for a turn in the yard. My head's begun to ache." Alyosha went to his father's bedroom and sat by his bedside behind the screen for about an hour. The old man suddenly opened his eyes and gazed for a long while at Alyosha, evidently remembering and meditating. All at once his face betrayed extraordinary excitement. "Alyosha," he whispered apprehensively, "where's Ivan?" "In the yard. He's got a headache. He's on the watch." "Give me that looking-glass. It stands over there. Give it me." Alyosha gave him a little round folding looking-glass which stood on the chest of drawers. The old man looked at himself in it; his nose was considerably swollen, and on the left side of his forehead there was a rather large crimson bruise. "What does Ivan say? Alyosha, my dear, my only son, I'm afraid of Ivan. I'm more afraid of Ivan than the other. You're the only one I'm not afraid of...." "Don't be afraid of Ivan either. He is angry, but he'll defend you." "Alyosha, and what of the other? He's run to Grushenka. My angel, tell me the truth, was she here just now or not?" "No one has seen her. It was a mistake. She has not been here." "You know Mitya wants to marry her, to marry her." "She won't marry him." "She won't. She won't. She won't. She won't on any account!" The old man fairly fluttered with joy, as though nothing more comforting could have been said to him. In his delight he seized Alyosha's hand and pressed it warmly to his heart. Tears positively glittered in his eyes. "That image of the Mother of God of which I was telling you just now," he said. "Take it home and keep it for yourself. And I'll let you go back to the monastery.... I was joking this morning, don't be angry with me. My head aches, Alyosha.... Alyosha, comfort my heart. Be an angel and tell me the truth!" "You're still asking whether she has been here or not?" Alyosha said sorrowfully. "No, no, no. I believe you. I'll tell you what it is: you go to Grushenka yourself, or see her somehow; make haste and ask her; see for yourself, which she means to choose, him or me. Eh? What? Can you?" "If I see her I'll ask her," Alyosha muttered, embarrassed. "No, she won't tell you," the old man interrupted, "she's a rogue. She'll begin kissing you and say that it's you she wants. She's a deceitful, shameless hussy. You mustn't go to her, you mustn't!" "No father, and it wouldn't be suitable, it wouldn't be right at all." "Where was he sending you just now? He shouted 'Go' as he ran away." "For money? To ask her for money?" "No. Not for money." "He's no money; not a farthing. I'll settle down for the night, and think things over, and you can go. Perhaps you'll meet her.... Only be sure to come to me to-morrow in the morning. Be sure to. I have a word to say to you to-morrow. Will you come?" "When you come, pretend you've come of your own accord to ask after me. Don't tell anyone I told you to. Don't say a word to Ivan." "Very well." "Good-bye, my angel. You stood up for me, just now. I shall never forget it. I've a word to say to you to-morrow - but I must think about it." "And how do you feel now?" "I shall get up to-morrow and go out, perfectly well, perfectly well!" Crossing the yard Alyosha found Ivan sitting on the bench at the gateway. He was sitting writing something in pencil in his notebook. Alyosha told Ivan that their father had waked up, was conscious, and had let him go back to sleep at the monastery. "Alyosha, I should be very glad to meet you to-morrow morning," said Ivan cordially, standing up. His cordiality was a complete surprise to Alyosha. "I shall be at the Hohlakovs' to-morrow," answered Alyosha, "I may be at Katerina Ivanovna's, too, if I don't find her now." "But you're going to her now, anyway? For that 'compliments and farewell,'" said Ivan smiling. Alyosha was disconcerted. "I think I quite understand his exclamations just now, and part of what went before. Dmitri has asked you to go to her and say that he- well, in fact - takes his leave of her?" "Brother, how will all this horror end between father and Dmitri?" exclaimed Alyosha. "One can't tell for certain. Perhaps in nothing: it may all fizzle out. That woman is a beast. In any case we must keep the old man indoors and not let Dmitri in the house." "Brother, let me ask one thing more: has any man a right to look at other men and decide which is worthy to live?" "Why bring in the question of worth? The matter is most often decided in men's hearts on other grounds much more natural. And as for rights - who has not the right to wish?" "Not for another man's death?" "What even if for another man's death? Why lie to oneself since all men live so and perhaps cannot help living so. Are you referring to what I said just now - that one reptile will devour the other? In that case let me ask you, do you think me like Dmitri capable of shedding Aesop's blood, murdering him, eh?" "What are you saying, Ivan? Such an idea never crossed my mind. I don't think Dmitri is capable of it, either." "Thanks, if only for that," smiled Ivan. "Be sure, I should always defend him. But in my wishes I reserve myself full latitude in this case. Good-bye till to-morrow. Don't condemn me, and don't look on me as a villain," he added with a smile. They shook hands warmly as they had never done before. Alyosha felt that his brother had taken the first step towards him, and that he had certainly done this with some definite motive.