#Sticks don’t have religion i think but they do have these concept of life partners and bonds made for life that’s my own headcanon tho

[chewwypepsicola]

TALK ABOUT YELLOWBLUE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UHM UHHH UHHHH yellowblue after ep 30 are very much inseparable from each other, the gang has just been made aware of how fucked up Blue was left after The Lava Incident and yellow has become slightly more protective of him, they move in together as in they now properly share a room and it’s all so domestic and sweet yellow decides he’s might be too young in stickman standards but he doesn’t care he’s going to marry blue cause something something celebration of love also he is deadly afraid of losing her so he wants to make their relationship as meaningful as possible and so he proposes, he tells Blue to meet him at the portal wearing his best clothes cause it’s a date a whole day just for them, they go to a new different place which is a minecraft flower field/forest and as they hang out and are being their usual lovey dovey selves yellow proposes and blue has to take a moment to process it all, he definitely cries a lot and for a minute cause of how happy it makes her and aauuughhhhhhhHhhH,,, they are engaged now,,,, they lay on a nice clearing and watch the sunset before going back home, they’ve decided the rest can know about it when they notice the promise rings,

[arwenkenobi48]

I really need to be honest about how I’m feeling. I’m feeling really alone. I feel like I’ll never have an irl relationship with anyone, aside from platonic or professional ones and the knowledge of that is weighing very heavily on me because I want that so bad.

I need that. I don’t have anyone to hold me, nobody I can watch my favourite movies with. I don’t have anyone who I can make meals for, who can help me feel better when I’m having a flashback. I’d do anything just to have someone physically there to say they love me.

I’m starting to feel like I won’t find anyone who can fill that role and that it was wrong of me to expect to be loved when it’s genuinely such a foreign concept to me. It’s especially lonely because I feel like all of my irl friends have someone they can rely on for a kind of physical and emotional connection and I don’t. It all just feels so incredibly lonely.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m more than willing to share as much love as I can with a potential partner, but I just feel like I shouldn’t expect anything in return. Like I can give all I want but I’m not supposed to receive anything. I can’t sleep because I’ve been feeling so heartbroken that all I can do is cry my eyes out.

I’ve been wondering if my trauma is the reason I haven’t been able to find anyone yet or if there’s something wrong with me as a person. I feel like I’ve passed all the milestones where I was supposed to form a strong enough connection to consider committed relationships and now it’s too late. I’ve been struggling with feeing like I’m unworthy of being loved, but I feel like I won’t be, even if I am worthy.

My chest hurts when I think about it, like I can feel my heart physically breaking. I’ve been afraid to reach out to anyone because I’m worried that I’ll just be making things difficult and the few people I did try to reach out to didn’t respond. The bridge of Vincent by Don McLean is hitting really close to home rn. I just wish I knew what being loved felt like.

I wish I could actually form a close, stable bond with someone who I can feel comfortable and safe around, someone who I don’t have to hide anything from and who won’t use me. I wish I could just know what being consensually intimate with someone feels like. I want that and the closeness that comes with it more than anything else. But that feels like the one thing that I can’t possibly have.

There’s so many things in my life that I don’t currently have, but realistically I can see those circumstances changing for the better, even if it might take a little while. I don’t see that happening in this case and it genuinely breaks my heart to think about what that means.

I don’t know. I just hate how this feels. And I wish someone was here to dry my tears and cuddle me to sleep. I wish my religion didn’t prevent me from hooking up with people. I wish I passed better so that I wouldn’t have to break the news that I’m trans to people who might get the wrong end of the stick. I wish I wasn’t so financially unstable so I could afford to do nice things for/with others.

There’s just so much I wish I could do to make things better but ultimately I just don’t feel like any of it matters because nobody else will do the same for me. And if they did, I’d be so anxious about it being a lovebombing/manipulation tactic that I probably wouldn’t realise it even if it was genuine. I’m so scared of being used again. I’m exhausted from everything I’ve been through.

I know I’m not a saint by any means and I know I suck at communicating effectively and that I come across as either dry and unemotional or the opposite extreme. I’m so sorry for that. I just can’t stand this feeling anymore.

[hazzabeeforlou]

You know I wasn’t planning on saying anything today. Especially in light of the pictures and tweet. I mean it’s ALL OUT balls to the fucking wall we’ve got the grandparents and saint Jay in the background and Louis’ birthday party and every extended friend and family going full throttle. And you know? I’m tired. I really am.

My faith in the true Louis is never shaken. It never will be. The signs are too obvious for me to even call it faith; faith is reserved for the realms of religion, and a decade’s worth of material exists on this man, hard, solid proof of what the industry continues to do. But from the disappearing bump to the wiped socials right before the immaculate conception to the announcement in the Sun, this stunt has been entirely for our benefit. No one fucking CARES about a pop star’s whoopsy baby. NO ONE. There was never any need to deep clean a baby mama’s MOTHER’S life before the stick was dry, or to use photoshop for SIX YEARS to alter a kid’s nose and chin and eyes. None of it has made any sense, from the lack of child support or custody to the ‘grandma’ raising the kid. None of it has made sense, from Jay wiping the child from her socials to Louis now tweeting about his birthday after seeing him for the first time since 2017. That’s four years. None of this has ever been for anybody but US. And you know why. There’s only one reason to shove it in our faces, for private family moments from the most private pop star to be splashed across tabloids every six months. And frankly, it’s working, isn’t it? How many followers did he lose today?

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but we’re not entitled to the truth about any celebrity. The game of publicity and closeting has endured before our fandom, and it will continue after. But I would never pay to see badly behaved celebrities, for reasons like accusations of SA to tales of them treating their staff like shit (think: Ellen/James Cordon) to who they’ve partnered with in their careers (those who work with Dr Dre, etc.). And that’s my choice because I’m consuming an art product with my money. For me, this has tarnished Louis permanently. I don’t think he needs fans like me anymore. A concentrated, seven year campaign that has lasted through THREE US PRESIDENTS tells me that he wants fans who believe what tabloids and social media tell them. The Louis of that narrative revolts me. I have two guy childhood friends who cheated and abandoned their wife and kids, and I’m revolted by them. I have no empathy, I have no sympathy.

They want me to be a fan of this Louis TM. And I will not. And I’m not sure how much longer I want to wait around, because it’s sure as hell not FUN and it’s sure as fuck HURTFUL to every identity I am.

[hillbillyoracle]

Some Thoughts on Why White Pagans Need to Heal Their Relationships with Christianity

Note: I've been trying to write a piece like this for months and the only way I know how to write this is to be very vulnerable and personal. So just please keep that in mind as you read this. It isn't very refined and it's something I'm still very much in process with, to borrow a phrase from my charismatic Christian upbringing. It's more a diary entry than a finished piece and none of these thoughts are original or eloquent. My hope it's helpful to see someone thinking through these things though.

If you're white and you don't want to further colonization and imperialism in your spirituality, then going back to Christianity in some form is pretty necessary; to do the work of decolonizing it's doctrines and to prevent taking from traditions that aren't ours.

This is just the conclusion I've arrived at after a lot shadow working in and around both my ancestors and my religious trauma. My ancestors aren't all white Europeans. But given that I'm white and I don't have any way to carry on the traditions of those that weren't, I feel like the best way to honor those non-white ancestors is to go back to the spiritual traditions I do have access to and doing the work of reshaping them into something less harmful.

I have read and intellectually understood that culture forms the foundation of spirituality and that when you remove something from it's originating culture, that concept or tool no longer works properly, if at all. In working with my non-white ancestors, I really got it on a practical and emotional level. There was this sense that they'd love for me to know their traditions but that it required an understanding that just isn't possible for me given my upbringing and disconnection - "you don't know the words and there's no way to find a person who can teach you" as one ancestor put it. It was an important reminder that "this isn't for white people" isn't merely a categorical assertion but a cultural and practical one.

They've generally asked I stick to practices I have a cultural grounding in when honoring them, even though it is not theirs - the cultural and linguistic element is that important to them. They would rather an authentic expression of gratitude and care through a ritual that isn't theirs rather than an imitation of one that is or being left out of my practice all together. Which makes sense to me in a relational way I hadn't fully grasped before.

In working with my white ancestors, I've come to more viscerally understand that the present understanding of Christianity is wildly different than other historical understandings. One thing that surprised me was that some of my more recent ancestors have expressed more discomfort around my queerness and transness than many of my older ancestors but both root their understanding in the Bible. I enjoyed one ancestor who, when I explained that I'm partnered with a woman, to mean that I would have a life of service - "no men to distract you from God" - which I mean is not wrong on several levels. It really highlighted for me that Christian doctrine is far more flexible than I'd initially thought. It challenged ideas I'd picked up through traumatic religious experiences. So much of what I'd assumed was Christianity itself seems to be more Christianity right now.

The historical angle is really important me. One of the things that drove my interest in Paganism was trying to understand what came before Christianity, to connect with whatever had been cut off in that process. The more I've come to learn about imperialism within Europe - how various empires conquered and destroyed localized traditions indigenous to parts of Europe - it clicked for me that my white ancestors did to others what had been done to them. It is intergenerational trauma in a nutshell.

It's also striking to me that so many people term the traditions pagans pull from as "dead" religions or at the very least "not living". For years I took that to mean they were "safe" to take from, that I wouldn't hurt anyone by doing so. But I hadn't really understood the weight of what "dead" meant - that there was no one left alive who could teach me, that I can't live in a context where all of the beliefs, tools, and traditions make intuitive sense. And if it was important to my ancestors who had had a connection to their traditions, then what was I missing by reanimating these traditions without that link?

I don't have a full visceral understanding of what I'm missing to be honest. I have a feeling that'll develop as my practice evolves. But that question alone has marked a pretty important change in how I understand myself spiritually.

The living and cultural element to my practice is more important to me now. For me, just given the family, community, and area I was raised in, that means Christianity is the living tradition I have access to and I've been revisiting it. I was reading an interview the other day with someone who is both a Catholic theologian and a practicing Buddhist. I liked the way he put it when he referred to Catholicism as "one of his sources of wisdom". That better captures my relationship with Christianity that's been unfolding over the last few months.

Making sure that intergenerational spiritual trauma stops as much as possible with me is really important. I had mistakenly thought that meant abandoning Christianity all together, that it was the problem. Which in hindsight, is fucking wild - I hugely fucked up there. There's nothing stopping me from just enacting the harm I learned in the context of Christianity in a different context, a Pagan context. It doesn't get to the root of the issue. At the end of the day, I just want to be sure I do not use my religion, any religion, to further the harms of structural inequality and colonial oppression. That's the goal.

In reading around about this, I've come to feel pretty strongly that one of the best ways to work toward that is to strive toward animism. Animism has been a great antidote to the spiritual entitlement that colonial religions cultivate (including white paganism). Animism also builds a relational spirituality rather than a goal/individual centered one. White paganism isn't inherently animistic since white culture teaches values that undermine quality relationships - individualism, competitiveness, and seeking domination of some fashion in order to feel safe. An animistic lens requires you unlearn those values and cultivate new ones - mutuality, respect, and accountability.

So all this is to say that given my current understanding, I think trying to build a practice out of New Age concepts while trying to avoid appropriation sounds impossible and hellish. I also think it doesn't deal with the work that needs done. I'm choosing to take an animist lens to the living traditions I do have to see if that's a better space for both my spirituality and my evolving understand of decolonizing to grow in.

People will rightly question my use of the term "shadow work" given this perspective. Shadow work is a problematic term for a lot of different reasons that are beyond the scope of this piece.  Where I'm at with it right now is that most western religious traditions seem to have some understanding of what we might call shadow work which points to it being important and useful. However they all used different terms given their contexts so I'm still unsure of what term might be the most appropriate given where I'm at. So for right now, you might see me use it less in the title or body of work I write from here on out, but I still might use it as a tag to make it findable. There's a good shot this doesn't go far enough and I'm not sold on this approach. Just know it's something I'm trying to figure out.

So that's where I'm at right now. I think white pagans really need to be more serious about animism at minimum and hopefully also looking at the role living religious traditions play in their current practice as well. I think white pagans' unhealed reactivity around Christianity too often serves as a justification for spiritual appropriation and furthering colonial harm. Changes are definitely needed. What that looks like in practice for individuals will likely vary a ton. I'd love to hear from other folks doing work in this vein. What's worked for you so far? What hasn't? Where are you in the process?

[h-sleepingirl]

Personal Reflection on Hypnosis and Magic

I was fairly obsessed with magic as a child. I grew up in a secular household -- my mother’s side was mixed Christian but she didn’t inherit the beliefs and my father’s side was Jewish but not observant. We did Christmas and Chanukah and Easter for a little while but just as a cultural practice; we never went to church or synagogue and we never even had conversations about God.

I liked fantasy novels a lot, and I liked Harry Potter, and for a bit of time around age 8 I was making a concerted effort to transform into a unicorn. I found sticks outside and pretended they were wands with the neighborhood kids. Fairly standard. It was no surprise that when I started wondering if I should attempt to connect to spirituality in some way as a teen I discovered Neopaganism and Wicca. It was a lot of shy reading in the 130 section at the library and keeping a Book of Shadows and learning how to meditate and all the bells and whistles of ritual and correspondences.

I remember sneaking outside and kneeling in the grass in the backyard under the moon, I remember going to Salem for the first time. I felt like sometimes maybe I was communicating with gods or divine powers but I never was able to buy in, despite completing my year-and-a-day dedication and making the actions a part of my life for several years, on and off. Starting to smoke weed in college refreshed my curiosity and reinforced belief to some degree, of course, but eventually, I had to come to terms with the fact that this wasn’t something I should force myself to do if I didn’t truly feel a connection to it.

But though I dropped the label and identification, the rituals of Wicca (and Feri witchcraft, which I had started exploring) had filled a role for me that childhood religion does for most. They became something I was comfortable conceptualizing, something that I had gained innate familiarity with, even if I ultimately eschewed the spiritual and metaphysical.

Hypnosis was never connected to that, for me; it felt sacrilegious to make an association between something that was supposed to be sacred and divine and something that was, for a long time, a shameful part of my sexuality. But it was around the same time that I was earnestly practicing magic that I began really studying and doing hypnosis.

A partner of mine at that time -- with whom I was doing hypnosis -- asked me, “Isn’t hypnotic trance the same thing as meditation?”

Naively, I vehemently disagreed.

--

The big-name NLP practitioners are obsessed with calling what they do “magic.” “The Structure of Magic,” “Frogs Into Princes,” etc. Their books are filled to the brim with the metaphor that people who use language effectively are wizards, because language is a representation of the world and has the capability to transform (or “trance-form,” as they say). 

I struggled with hypnosis for a long time -- both trancing others and being tranced myself -- for a variety of reasons. But one of them was that I always felt like other people wanted to do stuff with hypnosis, while I just wanted to do hypnosis itself. For a while even when I was more comfortable in my skin, I described myself as “boring” -- I liked things like fractionation and really deep trance and control, but I struggled with articulating if I had attractions to specific activities. Doll play? Sure, I guess that’s fun. Oh, is the induction over already? Ok…

This mirrored an issue I had while practicing Wicca -- spells were always meant to do something, invite love, heal, connect with the divine, whatever. But while I often wanted to do magic, I had a difficult time deciding on what to do with it. This was made even more complex when I realized I was likely stuck as a nonbeliever -- why did I sometimes return to the rituals, and what was I trying to achieve? How could I incorporate it into my life without feeling disingenuous?

Even up until a year ago, when I tried out tarot and kept asking the cards, “What is my relationship with magic?” -- twofold, looking for an answer (that never came), as well as to have the opportunity to simply try to read cards when I had no actual pressing questions I could think of (ironic).

Bandler et al, as well, work within a model where goals and change are the purpose of magic.

What I was seeking, the whole time, was not using any of these processes for anything, but simply to feel the thing I felt while doing them that was both difficult to illustrate and uniquely recognizable, unlike anything else.

Once I realized this, I used to try to describe it in hypnosis as that I wanted to focus on the induction, or that I didn’t care what we did, or that “change” wasn’t important to me. But that’s not accurate, either. Transformation, manifestation sates that desire when done in a certain way -- surely then I think that NLP perfectly describes my model?

My hesitation there is that I think for myself, it is the pure exhilaration from doing the thing that is what feels like the sweet spot, and it’s not dependent on what direction it goes, what form it takes, or what goal is being achieved.

For me, that feeling of “doing magic” and “doing hypnosis” are completely interchangeable. It is a pure thrill. It is a specific feeling in my mind and body that I can attempt to describe but can never fully enunciate. It changes and shifts but it is always recognizable on some level.

It is much more like doing recreational drugs than it is about prescribing something. Purely hedonistically, I am seeking a high.

--

I don’t believe in magic. I have had a handful of experiences in my life that have made me deeply question that at times, and they are experiences that I have never reconciled, but that is sort of besides the point. Nothing has ever pushed me into a place where I am able to fully embrace the concept that magic exists in any real sense.

But when I do hypnosis, it is impossible not to work within this model. How else am I supposed to describe what it feels like when I look at someone and know what they are thinking, or I just imagine my will suppressing theirs and their eyes flutter, or I think about what I want and my mouth starts moving elegantly in a way that makes it happen? In kinesthetic hypnosis, it is almost too much. My muscle memory is to do things like manifest energy flowing into and through my fingers, affecting my partner, and it was years of trying rituals like blue fire Feri meditations that made that so easy to feel.

It is not that I can make an easy statement like “hypnosis is magic.” It is not literally true. But as a metaphor, it holds a lot of potency. And magic is a powerful and ubiquitous metaphor; it is culturally ingrained in us in the stories we tell and our history. It is vague; there is no universal definition of it, which allows us to stretch it extensively and apply it wherever we feel it fits.

Metaphor itself is a type of magic, and this is one area where my thoughts about the metaphysical qualities of hypnosis shine through. Magic is about symbolism. We use objects, words, actions that we assign meaning to in order to manifest something. Herbs are purported to have affinities for different concepts so we include them in ritual -- and it’s not just that those affinities are inherent; there is meaning behind the correspondences that works best when we understand it. Similarly, when we are attempting to relate a concept to someone, we often do so indirectly, by telling a story, by creating metaphors or associations.

I don’t believe in magic, so to some degree, when I do it, that action is metaphorical. I am using actions that I don’t literally believe to hold any power in order to find a feeling; I am telling a story about a journey in order to find a real destination. This holds true to one of my beliefs, that symbols themselves hold little to no objective meaning. NLP and Alfred Korzybski say, “The map is not the territory; the word is not the thing; this is not a pipe; there is no objective truth.” Our entire world is made of symbols and metaphors that we all have to buy into in order to function as humans. We assign values to things that intrinsically have much different or nonexistent value -- prices, nostalgia, connotation. A magical symbol, in my eyes, is only as powerful as the connections we’re able to make with it in our minds. Color associations are symbolic. The action of casting a circle is symbolic. 

Words are symbols as well, and I do drink the Kool-aid with NLP on this, to some degree. I think about how words are dependent on a vast, intangible amount of variables in order to settle on their presumed, subjective interpretation by a listener or reader. We do this processing as well as thinking about our intent unconsciously, for the most part. If I assume that language is at least partially representative of our experiences and worlds, that gives communication a lot of power, and sure, yes, fine, that smells like magic to me, I’ll take your 20th tired book now Mr. Bandler, sir.

So to some degree the metaphor of magic is about things that are too big, or too grand, or too unknowable to talk about concretely. We often say something is magical when it is difficult or impossible to explain any other way. I can talk plenty about unconscious reading and microexpressions and altered states and language patterns and any number of artifacts that factor into hypnosis, but although it’s fascinating to know about them and helpful to consider and learn, I don’t often think about them when it actually comes down to it. I used to, but not for a while, and there is surely something to be said there for what “becoming experienced” means in both concepts.

It connects to when I think about what things we tend to call “magical” in hypnosis. When I respond without conscious effort, when something is “too fast,” when I feel like I can just purely make someone do something amazing. Sure, it can be easy enough to pick those apart and use academic language and explain them, but sometimes I drive myself insane trying to do that when I just want to say, “It’s magic; it feels like magic.”

--

After leaving my exploration of witchcraft for a while, I ended up adopting parts of it back into my life. I had more connection to the holidays on the Wheel of the Year than any others, really, and Wiccan ritual feels natural to me. I don’t call myself a witch, and I struggled for a long time looking for a label that fits what I do.

When I picked it back up, it was for a Samhain (Halloween) ritual to show my partner. It had been years, but I felt more comfortable casting a circle and doing all the things than I ever had been. I realized that my magic practice had begun to look a lot more like my hypnosis practice. I was speaking and acting unconsciously, simply filtering whispers of my intent through my words and actions. I had no plan and was following no script, but I knew what to do and say. We were both in very deep trance and we could feel the boundary of the circle as a physical thing, the air buzzing. It was the first moment that I had allowed a harmonious marriage between my knowledge of witchcraft and my practice of hypnosis, and I got the druglike thrill that I always seek. We sat in the circle for an hour, unbeknownst to us.

I did some searching to try to find if others had a similar experience or worldview. The best I could describe what I was doing was “psychological magic” or “witchcraft-flavored hypnosis.” I found very little; chaos magic and secular witchcraft were not what I was searching for.

Despite feeling a little lost, the experience reignited my desire for magical ritual. It has always been complicated to go through the motions that logically have no objective power to me, and saying that I give them power feels like a cop-out when I feel like I give them nothing. To some degree, equating it to hypnosis on any level feels like a crutch, but it’s one I’m used to; after all, there is plenty of me that doesn’t really believe in hypnosis, either -- “Hypnosis is bullshit.”

But “spellwork” became the most effortless thing in the world to me when it used to be so careful and unsure and measured. I take my props, I think about what they could symbolize, I think about how they connect to all the other ingredients available to me. I assign value and meaning through those connections and logic in a pattern my brain knows all too well. It is just like manipulation, and I use that to feel things. Creating rituals is just like giving a good suggestion; identify the message of the utterance and craft something poignant and poetic with the tools at hand to give it meaning. In hypnosis, the tools are your place in the story/trance, your vocabulary, the tone, the props, your history and the history of the person you’re with. In magic, the tools are the same, but possibly with a different flavor. A hypnotic tool is the logic that the word “deeper” is a sensory-rich word; a magical tool is the logic that clockwise motion can be equated to “more.” Both tools are malleable.

I mentioned poetry, and I think for me, one of the most important parts of good magic (and good hypnosis) is that it’s beautiful in some way. Wicca, like other religions, puts emphasis on reverence. Even many secular witches will be awed by nature and use that as a motivating force. Magic is not inherently naturalistic for me, even though I borrow the aesthetic. I don’t necessarily seek that kind of divine wonderment, but my attraction is adjacent.

--

My desires with magic are incredibly reflective of my desires with hypnosis -- power. Blind desire for power, whether to have it or have it taken away from me. It sounds evil to write it out, but at its base level it’s much less about anything but a simple feeling. It feels good and heady and awe-filled, and while on some level that’s sexually driven, I think it might also come from another, deeper place.

I still get uncomfortable when magical rituals feel too sensual, and there is a similar discomfort when hypnosis scenes feel too spiritual, but the latter is easier than the former. Generally, I still don’t know “what” to do when I do magic -- I only know “how” to do it. And not to mention “why” I would do magic if I don’t believe in it.

There’s a lot left that I haven’t reconciled. I suppose from a very broad lens, trying to codify the connections I feel between these two concepts is an attempt to make it easier to think about from a variety of different perspectives. I think about how I got over the phase of calling myself “boring” with hypnosis for only seeking feelings, not concepts, and think maybe that will help me with magic. I think about how I became more comfortable over time with my motivations to do hypnosis -- then less comfortable, then more comfortable. A key of my self-growth has always been recognizing and accepting my cyclical nature. (Wicca might say something about moon phases or a myriad of other natural cycles here; hypnosis and NLP might say something about patterns.)

To some degree, these kinds of explorations are valuable because they force us to limit our frames of reference as well. I barely touched upon connected ideas like religion or kink as a whole, how teaching and writing play in, my skill with self-hypnosis (surprisingly low) or connection to mesmerism/magnetism, and so much more. But it’s approaching nebulous concepts like this in a variety of different ways where we find answers, because often we don’t really even know what questions we should be asking.

--

I hope you enjoyed this piece! There was of course a lot I wanted to say and I’m very interested if this sparks any ideas or conversations -- when I first talked about this on Twitter, I was happily surprised how many folks had some similar thoughts or experiences and wanted to relate.

If you liked this writing and want to see more, you can find similar pieces available on Patreon or Gumroad; I write 6-8k words per month, sometimes academic and sometimes more exploratory like this. Please check it out! You can also get this writing as a downloadable PDF and tip through Gumroad, if you feel so inclined.

Thanks as always for your support, no matter what form that takes, be it monetary or simply reading through what I have to say.

- sleepingirl

[trad-masculine]

Men Look For Meaningful, Lasting Relationships Too!

But it can be a challenge to find all the pieces that make a relationship work for yourself, as a man.

Three aspects stand out when considering a girl as a long term partner; sexuality, romance & relationship potential. Sexuality is physical hotness, intercourse, compatibility & sexual flirting; turn on. Romance is dynamic & interpersonal play, social compatibility, aesthetic &or affect, emotional congruence & shared flow. Relationship potential, relationship potential is hard, hard to conceptualize & communicate.

Maybe it's usefully considered as gender role, this is intuitively sensical. Is she a good counter balance to you in your personal life & goals? For myself, as example, I would value a socialite who can draw me out of my reclusive tendencies & help me to be out connecting & networking. Also someone with intuition & enjoyment of organizing, as this is certainly my biggest inharent weakness, in terms of motivation & personality. Finally someone who is aesthetical intrigued & engaged in their thought. Aesthetic affect & the ability to engage & follow me in conversation with interest, especially imaginatively. Said another way, I crave a life shared with a fellow romantic soul.

One direct compatibility need, two asymmetrical compatibility needs in opposition to my inhareted nature towards ethics I value but struggle with. Having a sense of big 5/10 personality model & of what you want in life gives a very good lens of analysis for what will work in a life partner.

Also included in gender role is knowledge base, back when division of labor was central, this was an easier to approach problem. With our shared classroom & teaching of subjects in a nearly completely ungendered way this is a harder value to seek. I might search for Cultural knowledge different from my own; religion, politics, homeland, first language, all give a significantly different perspective & base of knowledge. Ego fighting over differences aside, this is the best compromise easily available.

(The ultimate for me is to have some aspects of these, but with a girl who from an early age had a clear sense of her interests & the freedom to purse them. An intellectually compelled but domestically oriented girl, daydreaming of the Housewife life, but with a quick wit, & broad curiosity.)

Compatiblity & divergence of interest, motivation, & skills.

The final component that comes to mind within the concept of relationship potential is lifestyle goals. I live a somewhat intrepid & oscillating life, sudden changes & unexpected turns. I'm not on any normal life track, living anything most people could readily imagine. However, for many the; 'start a career, settle down, start a family' track is the plan, & so this is the lifestyle expected. For others it's 'move to the country, or live in the country, settle down, family track.'

I doubt settle down is a coherent strategy for me, but I still have a strong desire for family. I need someone with the flexibility & intrepidness of spirit to stick through with me in the wild twists & turns, but who is grounded enough to find opportunity for family & children in the midst of the storms, I'm in a sense, chasing.

*

This does a pretty good job of depicting a view point of what is prospected for by men, specifically & especially when seeking long term partnership. I'm pretty confident I know what I want & why I want it. The structure is there, I terms that I think other guys will & do follow with some intuitive sense. Much of this is detail oriented on my end, it's not a generic model of what men are looking for, when looking for long term partnership, (nor what counts as partnership turn offs, &or red flags.)

Here's a bit more of a generalized approach. Play with his strengths & weaknesses to awaken him & improve him, toward his own goals & dreams. Dance his dance with him, to his lead perhaps, but guide him away from his faults, without harming the dance by causing a stumble from them.

Translating any of this into a profile, or social media or whatever specific instance is a bit of a trick, but try this. Offer sexuality, offer romance, offer partnership.

Better, offer your sexuality how you want it to be taken, offer your romance how you wanted to be played, offer your partnership as you want it to be matched & met.

It takes sexuality to draw him in, romance to win him over, but partnership to keep him holding you tight & close by his side. Figure out what he needs in partnership, build him up there & offer up yourself, be his support.

I hope this is a helpful take & lens & even bit of advice. (don't take that too over serious, I'm not sure I can give perfect advice, but I am trying to give helpful suggestions. I see the struggle with what I think is some clarity from both sides.)

To everyone best luck finding love, relationship & happiness!

🌳♂️ Masculine Way of Life!🧔🥊

[jowritesthingss]

A (Demi)Boy and His Demon: Prologue

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairing(s): LoSleep (Logic | Logan + Sleep | Remy)

Rating: Teen

Content Warning(s): lots of swearing, religion mention, demons mention, injury/blood (Remy gets a papercut)

Length: 1,418 words

Brief Summary: Sleep-deprived writer Remy accidentally summons a serious-and-seriously-fed-up demon named Logan. Prologue. In Which Remy Inadvertently Summons a Demon

Fic Masterlist!

*

In Remy’s defense, he hadn’t exactly meant to summon a demon in the middle of a coffee shop on just another typical Tuesday.

And they most certainly hadn’t meant to bind the poor sap to them for the rest of their (presumably now-shortened and miserable) life.

But there he was.

And that was exactly what he had done.

But—erm, well. We’ll get there.

-

“Remy!” a familiar voice chirped as said enby pushed the door open to his favorite haunt. “Do you how do?”

“Ugh. Like, horrible.” The answer was instinctual at this point. Usually it was just sarcastic, but on a deadline like this? Satan had nothing on the wrath of an editor.

The echo of the bell ringing bright through his ears, Remy walked over to the front counter, where his good friend and caffeine addiction enabler stood. They tried in vain to pretend that they were swaggering and not at all staggering from sleep deprivation and lack of caffeine.

“So it’ll be the usual for you, then, yeah?” Emile smiled, and god, for all the years they’ve spent working as a barista themselves, Remy would never understand how Emile could stay so upbeat while on-shift.

“You know it, gurl,” Remy answered, fishing out his wallet. “Although gimme the largest size this time, hun’.”

Emile clucked sympathetically, already turning and getting started on Remy’s iced coffee. “Deadline coming up?”

“Uh-huh. Tonight.” Remy sighed, slapping a ten dollar bill onto the counter. “I’m due to get the script for chapter sixty-nine to Remus, but like, he’s been too busy giggling over the number of the upcoming chapter to finish the one we’re supposed to publish tomorrow. Virgil’s on the warpath, and I’ve been roped into designing shit to make up for Remus falling behind.” He rolled his eyes.

“Golly, that sure sounds rough.” Emile slid some ice into Remy’s coffee before popping a lid on it, swirling it a couple times, and sliding it across the counter with some verbal sound effects to accompany it. He picked up the tenner and began to punch things into the cash register, counting out change for Remy. “But I believe in you!”

“Gurl, you shouldn’t. I don’t,” Remy snickered. They reached back into their bag, groping around for their reusable straw. Pulling it out, he popped it into his cup. “There’s a reason I’m the brains behind the writing of this operation, not the art. You think I’d be working with those idiots if I had a choice?”

“Yes, I do,” Emile said mildly. He handed over Remy’s change.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fair.” Shoving his change into the tips jar, Remy rolled his eyes. Again. They did that a lot. Which, how could he not, when he was surrounded by so many dorks?

“Anyways, I’ll be in my usual corner, I guess.” Remy jerked their head towards their usual corner table. “Lemme know if you need any help back there, babe. Or if any tea needs spilling.” They winked at Emile from behind their sunglasses before turning and heading to sit down.

Once seated, Remy pulled out his laptop and the battered spiral notebook that he kept most of his ideas for their comic in. Exchanging their sunglasses somewhat reluctantly for a pair of blue light glasses, he booted up his computer. Then, after setting everything up in its typical position and connecting to the wifi in the coffee shop, Remy allowed themself a moment to sit back and sip at their iced coffee.

The contrasting tastes of sweet white mocha and bitter coffee filled his mouth, and Remy felt his shoulders relax for what had to be the first time in twelve to twenty-four hours.

Classes earlier in the day had been an absolute nightmare of scribbling in margins and surreptitiously typing the script up on his phone when professors weren’t looking. Then the night before had been a horror-filled dream sequence of exhaustion and trying to write actual content down without falling asleep on the keyboard and waking up with the L key imprinted on their nose and sixteen pages of keysmashes.

So suffice to say, Remy was not having a good time. But the iced coffee? It warmed their gay little heart. It made things just a bit more bearable on days like this.

All too soon the buzzing of his phone reminded Remy of their subsequent impending deadline and doom, and he came crashing back down to earth.

Sipping once more at their iced coffee, Remy set it off to the side, slipping in his earbuds and focusing in on the Word document in front of him. They began to type.

-

Three hours and two refills later, Remy had finished chapter sixty-nine, had sent it to Virgil to look over, and had even started on chapter seventy for a good measure.

Until Virgil sent back his edits, Remy’s focus of the moment had shifted to designs for chapter sixty-six, which Remus should’ve started drawing a few days ago, but nooo, the asshat wasn’t even done shading sixty-five, which was supposed to be posted in...Remy consulted their phone...in roughly six hours now. Fuck.

Remy couldn’t draw for shit, but they could research like nobody’s business, and designing and sketching was simple enough, so he wasn’t entirely unused to getting dragged into stuff like physical character designs and the creation of symbols and outfits (Remus was far too oafish and uncoordinated when it came to fashion, anyway).

Shaky as Remy’s art was, Remus certainly knew how to pick out what he liked from Remy’s miserable excuses for sketches, at least, so their partnership worked well enough...even if Remy privately thought his similarly-named partner acted like a dolt and smelled like minute ramen (and not even the good kind! more like the shrimp kind, and what the fuck kind of imbecile eats shrimp-flavored microwave ramen).

Finally satisfied with the roughly-sketched summoning circle that they had copied from the web, Remy exited out of Google Images.

Summoning circles, Remy had to admit, were a new topic of research for him. Their story—a Good Omens-type comic centering around an angel and a demon trapped in the human world—had required plenty of research into religion and religious imagery, of which they had not been a fan, but for some reason summoning circles had never really cropped up on their radar.

Remy may not have been a fan of the concept of angels, but he certainly wasn’t a fan of the concept of demons and the occult, either, so digging through the ominously dark websites had been...interesting. Eventually they had just given up and straight-up copied a summoning circle at random. They could take that and go from there, adding their own flair to it.

Remy looked down at the shaky summoning circle he had sketched out before him. It was kinda lopsided, but it was whatever. It was also much too boring, if you asked him. When they sent Remus their final reference, they’d put a note in the margins telling him to add some of that weird gory imagery stuff he was obsessed with. “Creep would really like that, huh,” Remy muttered aloud to himself.

Scrutinizing the copied circle for a few more moments, Remy mentally listed out some of the changes they wanted to make—an extra line here, a circle there, take out that square—and they reached into their backpack for one of the random looseleaf sheets of paper he always had floating around in there. Only, they grabbed at the wrong corner of the paper.

Feeling the sheet of paper slice into their pointer finger, Remy quietly hissed out a breath. “Fuck.” He drew his finger out of the bag, pulling it up to his face to get a good look at the injury, and shit, the papercut was bad enough that it was actually bleeding.

“Goddammit,” Remy cursed as a few drops of crimson splattered onto the paper in front of them, blurring over the details of the summoning circle he had drawn.

Remy popped his finger into his mouth and sucked at the smidgen of blood leaking out. Deciding to actually look at what they were sticking their hand into this time, they turned to the left, fully intending to practically stick his head into his bag to find a napkin and that pesky sheet of paper both.

This was how they came to be aware of the person who appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, to stand to the side of their table.

.

.

.

Prologue || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six

*

This was supposed to be a one-shot, but Remy told Logan to hold their coffee and then bullied me into making it a prologue and six chapters’ worth of useless gays. I accept my defeat with dignity and insist that it was, in fact, actually my decision in order to get used to writing multi-chap things again before I tackle my Big Bad AUs.

Want to be added onto any of my taglists? Shoot me an ask or a message here or via my other social media!

[gaiahypothesims]

50 Questions for your Sim

I was tagged by TWO people but I can’t scroll back far enough to see who the second was!!! I’m so sorry! @ultroslovesyou Thanks for the tag that I CAN find.

Ash would LOVE to answer these himself. And its LONG because .... Ashley. (Its like... so long I’m embarrassed)

01. How old is your sim? Isn’t age subjective? I’m as wise as an elder, but youthful in looks as a young man in his absolute prime. 

02. When is your sim’s birthday? On the most perfect day. My Mother said the sun was shining and all the birds were singing. My newborn cries were met with tears of joy and happiness. 

03. What is your sim’s zodiac sign? This is a complicated question, as the Zodiac horoscopes you see popularly don’t take into account so many details. For one-... No I can’t answer this without explaining everything-

04. What is your sim’s ethnicity? I’m a child of the world. Fine, my parents are originally from India. Though I’ll have you know this kind of question is very narrow-minded.

05. Does your sim have any nicknames? Ash. That’s it. NO you may not ask my brother if I have any others.... or Evelyn... or Rosie. Just take my word for it.

06. Do they have a job? Travel Writer and a professional student in the teachings of the world. In fact, I do believe that being an avid learner in all things-

07. Where does your sim live? Its rude to interrupt someone every time they try to answer a question. AS I was saying, being an avid learner has taught me that there is no such thing as having a ‘job’. We have a responsibility to cultivate our PASSIONS. In that way you will never once be trapped by a ‘job’ or by one ‘place’, a box really, to call a home. 

08. Who does your sim live with? I’ve lived with so many different, unique, and beautiful individuals. I’ve been really helping my amazing friend Evelyn out. She’s very dependent on my mental fortitude. I don’t find it trying at all, though there are some days I do feel an imbalance in my Chi due to her constant bitching about my hair shedding. I tell her that just because she can SEE my hair better because its black doesn’t mean that she isn’t shedding as well. The OTHER day I found a long, thin, sad, brown hair in my soup, and I know for a fact that I have only the most luxurious raven black hair. 

09. What environment did your sim grow up in? (strict, loving, cold etc.) I have the most loving of parents. My brother on the other hand... well let’s just say he’s embraced Capitalistic conspiracy. 

10. What are your sim’s favourite food? I’ve found that the most healing and ethereal foods are what my body craves. Something like Lotus blossom water, I feel could sustain me for years. .. hmm?.. Oh no, I’d never TRY to live off of it. It is just water...

11. What is your sim’s favourite drink? I adore a good Oolong tea, I have an interesting story about how I was introduced to this-

12. If they have one what is your sim’s favourite color? Well that was rude, I wanted to explain the Oolong. Very well... moving on. How can one choose a favourite colour? The spectrum is SO vast. Can you believe that human eye can perceive approximately 10,000,000 colours? How can I choose a favourite?

13. Does your sim believe in any clichés? (love at first sight) Of course! There has to be a basis of truth if so many can relate to cliches. 

14. What is your sim’s sexuality? I would say that I do mostly enjoy the company of women sexually, but that’s not to say that I think men are unattractive. Sexuality isn’t a be all- end all. We are constantly learning new things about ourselves. I’ve recently discovered that I don’t mind a bit of anal play. I’ll tell you exactly how I discovered this, and it might surprise you-

15. What is your sim’s gender identity? How can you NOT want to learn more about my experience? It might change your life. I’m going to be writing about it for my next article. It has something to do with... a bath house.. and that’s ALL you’re going to get from me since you so rudely interrupted. Again.

16. Is your sim type a or type b? I don’t believe in types. Like asking me if I’m a square or a circle. I’m an entire sphere, unable to be bound to your strict typist ideals.

17. Is your sim introverted or extroverted? I would have to say that I am thoughtfully introverted. 

18. What is your sim’s favourite woohoo position? Oh so NOW you want to hear about my sexual exploits? Well its too late. I’ve been through the entire Kama Sutra, and NO that is not because I have Indian heritage, and it would have shocked you. 

19. Is your sim a pet person? If so what is their favourite animal? Not so much. I like Jonah’s dog actually. In fact he is likely more loyal to me now than he ever was to Jonah. An animal can sense things. 

20. Does your sim have a best friend? Rosie and Evelyn.

21. What is/was your sim’s favourite school subject? I quite enjoyed creative writing, which I think is why I turned to Travel Writing. The absolute best of both worlds. 

22. Is/was your sim a high, mid or low achiever in school? Every child has their own strengths and I find it unfair to measure one against the other when everyone is a unique learner. 

23. Are they planning to go or have they already been to college? If so, what would be or what was their major? I did go for a few years, but I never graduated with a degree. The classes that I took were all for my own interest, not to pander to organized academia for a worthless piece of paper.

24. What are your sim’s political beliefs? (if they have them) Politics are a construct to keep the individual from reaching their full potential. 

25. What is one thing your sim wants to do before they die? I’d like to share my travels with someone that I love, and that loves me back. 

26. Does your sim have a favourite TV show (cable) and/or movie? Watching television stunts a persons cultural and creative growth.

27. Is your sim a Netflix viewer? If so what are their top 3 shows. No.

28. Does your sim like books? Absolutely. I try to pick up a new book at every new location that I get to. I then leave my old book. Its a wonderful way to associate a certain story with a specific location. The feel and smell and tastes seem to stick better, for me, that way. 

29. Does your sim enjoy video games, if so what is their favourite one and do they play on PC or console? Well, I don’t love video games. But Evelyn owns one of those game systems, and sometimes we play together. Its purely for her therapeutic benefit that I join in.

30. What is your sim’s personal style? I wouldn’t dream of limiting myself to only one style.

31. Does your sim have a lucky charm? I make my own luck.

32. Is your sim religious? I’m an acolyte of all religions, including no religion.

33. What kind of music does your sim listen to and who is their favourite artist? There was a beggar woman in Romania that played the most beautiful violin. I gifted her talent with a hand-written poem. She didn’t seem to appreciate it, but I still remember her music.

34. Is your sim a festive person? If so what’s their favourite holiday? I love celebrating all the holidays, and festivals, as long as they aren’t attached to the shilling of Corporate greed. 

35. What is your sim’s favourite type of weather? All weather is beautiful and should be appreciated.

36. Does your sim prefer to start fights or finish them? I don’t prefer either.

37. Does your sim have a dream job? I am living my dream, doing something I love strictly for the passion of doing it.

38. Does your sim have any siblings? .... ugh.. one brother. Raj. 

39. Does your sim get along with their family? I love my parents very much. My mother is the most beautiful and loving woman, and my Father is generous and giving. 

40. What is your sim’s favourite hobby? Nothing, I don’t believe in hobbies. I believe in passion and doing. If you’re doing it and you love it, it isn’t a ‘hobby’ its a passionate endeavor. 

41. What does your sim look for in a romantic partner? I’m not very good at making things work with women. I’m not entirely sure why. It could be because I move so frequently. I have no schedule, no concept of time and plans. I suppose I’d love someone that also could be as flexible. 

42. What is a secret about your sim? I have no secrets, I’m an open book. <He’s extremely vain. His nonchalance is extremely cultivated>

43. What is a wish your sim has? To share my adventures with someone that loves me. 

44. What is a flaw your sim has? Is there really such a thing as flaws? Are we not like the kintsugi in Japanese pottery, “flaws” make us beautifully unique.

45. How do others generally perceive your sim? I would say that some are threatened by my complete oneness with the universe. They might see it as something else, arrogance... perhaps. Though if I could have a moment to explain it to them, they would understand and appreciate it.

46. Does your sim have a greatest achievement? Every achievement is a great one. For a person to get up in the morning, is an achievement. The will to say “yes! another.” and to make it through the day happily, unhappily, to have an adventure, to stay home and self-care, its what life is about. There is NO greatest achievement. Every action is great in itself, no matter how small.

47. If they have one, what is your sim’s greatest regret?  That I tried to follow in Rajan’s footsteps for too long. Instead of embracing who I really was. 

48. Does your sim have a favourite emoji? Emoji’s can’t properly convey all the feelings that I have. I feel that a wordy text, or a phone call is so much better. A long text is something the person can treasure over and over, but a phone call can contain so much more warmth and genuine conversation.

49. Does your sim use simstagram? <under his breath> Yes. 

50. What is the last text your sim sent (and who did they text)? Oh do I have to share? This isn’t exactly... fine.. its to Evelyn and it says: You’re a dirty tramp. <cough> ... I’m sure she’s treasuring the words right now, yes thank you. 

[mars-colony]

Hello, yes, please do all of the odd numbers for that ask re: Dollie and Danse? 🥰

I answered 1, 3, and 5 already soooooo... woof a;sdlfkj;asdfj This took a while but here it is ^^; (hopefully i can get this read more to work)

7. What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could? Dollie's incessant need to do everything alone without any help drives Danse absolutely insane. He hates when she bottles things up, as well, because he firmly believes that things should be talked through. It's the only way to come to terms.

At odds with this, it irritates Dollie that Danse has to talk about everything. Some things, in her opinion, aren't worth the energy and you can just let them go, but, as we all know, Danse doesn't subscribe to that ideology. I don't think they'd even consider changing these things about each other, they'd both grow to accomidate the other. Dollie learns to depend more on other people and to feel less ashamed of asking for help. Danse learns that not everything needs to be fixed.

9. Do they discuss big issues? Religion? Marriage? Children? Death? When it comes to the big issues, they will often debate. They have very similar political views (as far as political views go in the Wasteland), and Dollie was a lawyer. She loves reasoning through conversations, and she'll happily offer an argument for any side. They do consider religion sometimes, though Dollie has never been particularly religious and it isn't a topic she prefers. They definitely talk about children, raising Shaun, wanting more... And death is a very urgent topic for discussion in the Commonwealth. Danse attempts to be very pragmatic when it comes to the topic, but Dollie will often change the subject, preferring not to consider the possibility of being without him.

Funnily, marriage doesn't come up. It's one of those instances where they both assume the other isn't interested and it isn't until Shaun brings it up that they realize they should probably talk about it. Dollie assumed Danse would bring it up if he was interested, Danse assumed she wouldn't want to re-marry after Nate. Upon discussing the topic they agree that they should get married, and have an intimate ceremony in Sanctuary surrounded by their friends and loved ones.

11. Do they celebrate holidays? Anniversaries? Dollie is gung-ho about holidays. She reinstates the 4th of July at the Castle. She holds Christmas parties, Halloween parties, and New Years celebrations. She's an old school hostess and she loves every minute of it. Danse get's roped in and genuinely ends up enjoying the festivities. As for anniversaries, they celebrate those when they can. Funny enough, Danse is the one that points out the anniversary of when they met. Dollie hadn't even noticed, but was touched that he had kept track.

13. What do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up? Fun is difficult to come by in the Wasteland. They spend most of their time helping settlements and keeping the Commonwealth safe. On the rare occasion that they have free time, and they don't have any weapon maintenance or mods to work on, and no one in the 'Wealth needs help, they'll attempt to relax. Danse really enjoys tinkering with Shaun, bonding with him over their mutual enjoyment of weapon making. Dollie likes to catch up on her reading, take strolls with Codsworth, or find little ways to bring the old world to life. Her pet projects include making ice cream with the cryolator and repairing the projector at Starlight Drive-In.

15. How adventurous are they? On their own, neither of them are particularly adventurous. However, Danse brings out a more adventurous side in Dollie. She goes out of her way to make things interesting, encouraging him to live in the moment more. Whether this is a spontaneous trip to Diamond City after midnight when they could just as easily go to Sanctuary, or delving into the Glowing Sea to retrieve an intact film reel depends on whichever way the wind is blowing.

17. What would make them break up? Would it be permanent? It's difficult to think of much that could drive them apart after all the things that they've been through. I think that if Danse had been unaccepting of Synth Shaun it would have ended things pretty quickly, but this wasn't a problem. It would have been a pretty permanent thing had that been the case.

19. What do they fight about? What are their arguments like? How do they make up? The only thing they really fight about are things that involve how they're raising Shaun. From time to time, Danse will overstep his bounds. They don't always agree what's best for Shaun. Dollie thinks they should wait to tell him the truth about his nature, Danse thinks the sooner the better. Danse also tries to get her to put off teaching Shaun to use weapons, Dollie thinks he should learn sooner.

Usually they discuss things, and they always try to be civil. If things get heated, one or the other will walk away to cool off. They rarely devolve into actual shouting matches, but it happens from time to time, especially where Shaun is involved.

They make up by discussing what happened. Whoever was out of line will apologize. If they stand by their opinions, they'll still apologize for losing their cool and agree to disagree.

21. Do they share any interests or hobbies? Dollie's interest in Power Armor was initially a vain attempt to remain close to Nate’s memory, emotionally, but eventually becomes a genuine interest, and one she shares with Danse. He's a well versed teacher, and she's an eager student. They mod together. This extends to weapons and armor as well, and he's helpful and knowledgeable about traps and turrets for settlements. They bond over these things initially, and they discover more and more common interests as time goes on (history, politics, music, etc.).

23. How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort? Danse surprises himself with how much he enjoys the physical contact, how much he craves it once he's had it. He'll wrap Dollie in his arms when they're alone, when they're out of the field. His hugs are often spontaneous. He's a warm cuddly wall. Sometimes his hugs are too snug, which usually just makes Dolls laugh. Early on their kisses are uncertain and timid. His lips are chapped, and he's very self-conscious about it, but Dollie doesn't mind.

Dollie only ever flirted unintentionally or when she'd had a few drinks, but once they're in a relationship she'll flirt teasingly. Sometimes she does it to get a reaction, to see Danse's eyes get all big and see his face flush, to hear him get all stuttery. Eventually, he does the same for her. He's more prone to teasing than she is, and will poke fun at her, especially for her pre-war habits (complaining about "littering" as a concept, for example).

When comforting Danse, Dollie has always worked to ground him with a hand on his shoulder or his chest, just a soft reminder of the world around him and that he isn't alone. These brief moments of contact meant a lot to him, and when he realized it was something she only did for him, it was even more meaningful. To comfort her, he is often a literal shoulder to lean on. And he's more than willing to hold her, should the situation arise (lol)

Overall, Danse is pretty sparing with his physical affection at the start, but he really kind of caves into it and realizes how much he's longed for it in his life. Dollie is much more physically affectionate, rubbing his back, touching his arm, little kisses on his shoulder or his cheek, the top of his head while he's busy working. Danse is more likely to show affection through actions than physical acts.

25. How much time do they spend together? Do they share their feelings, or hold things in? Post game, once the initial discomfort and uncertainty of their relationship settles, once Dollie has had time to be with Shaun on her own (because they both agree that it's important for her to do so), they are rarely apart. When Dollie officially resigns from the Brotherhood, this becomes even more true. They just prefer to stick together.

Dollie was very bad about holding everything in (her entire life), until Danse, because of Danse's insistence that she didn't need to carry everything alone. Where other people gave up when she showed resistance, he never did. He's the person she shares most with in her life. He's the only person to know her deeply and see behind the facade she puts up.

27. Do they have kids? Grow old together? Split up? Danse helps her raise Shaun. He's the closest thing to a father the boy ever really knows. They discuss having more children, growing their family, but because of certain limitations... it isn't possible. They stick together through all life in the Commonwealth throws at them, their relationship aging like a fine wine. It's all thanks to consistent communication and hard work.

29. How do they handle disasters or emergencies? Minor injuries? Sickness? Danse is more often cool under pressure. His control in hectic situations keeps Dollie at ease, allowing her to react more calmly than she would on her own. They can tackle disasters and emergencies alike. They both tend to compartmentalize so the gravity of the situation wouldn't hit either of them until later. It'd likely hit Danse first. They'd help each other come to terms with whatever aftermath there was.

As for minor injuries, they'd be reasonably concerned, but far more likely to tease the other. Like I mentioned in 5 about in-jokes. They'd try to use humor to lift the other's spirits. "I'll have to amputate," "we'll have to put you down," etc.

If either of them contracted serious illnesses, Dollie would likely be the one to handle it best. Especially something terminal, something incurable, Danse would feel completely powerless. It would eat him alive, watching her wither. While it would cause her a lot of emotional pain, it's something she's already lived through. They'd be by each other's side through it all, though, regardless of their own pain.

31. Do they finish each other's sentences? Pick up any phrases or habits from each other? Know when the other is hiding something? The first time Dollie catches herself saying something is "Outstanding" unironically she screams internally for like fifteen minutes. Danse absorbs so much information about pre-war life that he can talk about it almost as seamlessly as she can. They learn to read each other very well, both knowing the other's tells for when they're lying. They do finish each other's sentences from time to time, but more amusingly learn to communicate by facial expression and gesture without having to say a word.

33. What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions? Aside from collecting tabasco/snack cakes for each other, they also pick up random trinkets they think the other would like. In addition to this, they also swap weapons/armor and mods, things like that. Usually only on special occasions, but also just because.

35. Do they bring out the best in each other, or the worst? Do they have a fatal flaw? They definitely bring out the best in each other. Dollie helps Danse remember that there's more to life than just rules and regulation, that sometimes doing what's right means breaking the rules. Danse keeps Dollie honest and alleviates a lot of the pressure that causes her to cave and make extremely risky decisions. Thanks to him, her judgement is more sound.

37. How much would they be willing to sacrifice for the other? Any lines they refuse to cross? Blind Betrayal occurring before their relationship ever shifted into a romantic one kind of solidified early on that they were both willing to die for each other. The only real limits would be things the other wouldn't ask them to do, things the other would be angry with them for doing (within reason). They wouldn't ask the other to die for them of course, but each values the other more than themself.

39. Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first? When did they realize they were in love? Danse is the one that initiated the relationship. Dollie was concerned that making any kind of romantic advances would be manipulative with everything that happened to him (Blind Betrayal). Danse decides that it's better for him to tell her how he feels about her than to never tell her, believing completely that she'll reject his advances. She scolds him for thinking she wouldn't be in love with him because he's a synth. That's where the who kissed who thing comes in. He kisses her (after asking permission) right then and there.

They both realized they were in love way sooner, but there was so much in the way of a romantic relationship (professionalism, rank, obligation, etc.)  at the time they thought it best not to pursue it. Danse realized first, shortly after Dollie returns from the Institute the first time. Dollie realizes a few months later. There was a point where they sort of admitted things to each other but were both so caught up by their positions and statuses that they refused to do anything about it.

41. Are they party-goers? What are they like when they're drunk? Does it happen often? It's hilarious to imagine Dollie being a "party-goer," and even funnier to imagine Danse as a "party-goer." They're both kind of introverts when it comes to social gatherings, but Danse would be the more outgoing one. Neither of them are really party-ers. They'd be the type to make an appearance at a gathering and leave before things got too wild. They're more of the back yard bbq kind of couple than the clubbing, night on the town kind of couple. They both loosen up when drinking, Dollie more than Danse. She becomes a lot more chatty and flirty, and shares personal information more freely. The flirtatious behavior is only really directed at Danse, even before they're romantically involved. Between being busy with their responsibilities in the Commonwealth and being parents, they don't get drunk often.

43. Do they talk often? What about? They do talk often. They talk about weapons and armor and new mods they want to try. They talk about current events in the Commonwealth as well as Dollie's life before the war. They talk about how they're feeling and what they want to do and achieve. They help each other achieve personal goals and all of that is through communication. Communication is the back bone of their relationship. They didn't always communicate like they do once their relationship is romantic, having often been at odds because they weren't telling each other what they were thinking or what was bugging them. Things became a lot easier once they started talking things through.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets? They dreamed briefly of having a child of their own. Dollie always wanted more than one child, and Danse had always wanted kids. Complications due to his synthetic nature make them conceiving impossible. Danse takes this very hard, believing that he let her down. They eventually end up adopting a baby who's family was killed in a raider attack. Bringing her into their life eases the heartache. They raise her as if she's biologically their own, and she even resembles Danse a bit as she grows up.

[athingofvikings]

pric3yj replied to your post “There’s this famous piece of writing advice: “Write for yourself.” And...”

As one of the readers of your fic, and seen other authors talk about this, all I can say is f**k those guys! If people wanted your story to go in the direction they want and follow your thoughts and ideas, then they can sod off! It’s FAN-FICTION, they can easily start writing their own thing

Heh.  Exactly.  I’ve gotten some really, really aggressive demanding reviewers in the past.  My personal favorite, just as an example of hyperbole in terms of how aggressive they could get, left a public review over on FFnet for ATOV that, well, here, I’ll copy the text of it and put that, and my responses under the cut:

chapter 44 . Apr 9, 2018

I have been stalking this story for a while, and decided that I would actually leave a comment this time. So, other people are going to start sticking their noses into Hiccup's love life? This is going to be an absolute disaster, if done remotely realistically, and it should be great. Wulfhild has caused me concern. She is a borderline Mary Sue, of the original concept of an author favorite/insertion who falls in love with the main character, but one that you have been, for the most part, handling the walk along the edge of the cliff well. I have done a fair bit of research into polyamory for some Ranma stories that I had worked up an outline for a handful of years back. Read dozens of articles and even talked with a few experts (relationship / sex counselors). An article by Elisabeth Sheff Ph.D. sums up best what you have setup when she said, "Do you long for the serenity of time alone, feel stretched to your limit already with everything you have going on in your life, practice a religion that requires monogamy, are happy with one partner, dislike 'processing' or find discussion of feelings tedious, are satisfied with your sex life, or most importantly prefer monogamy for any reason? Then polyamory is probably not be a good choice for you." Does this sound like anybody to you? Long for the serenity of time alone (Hiccup and to an extent Astrid). Feel stretched to your limit with what is going on in your life (All of them). Practice a religion that requires monogamy (Wulfhild). Are happy with one partner (Hiccup and Astrid). Dislike discussing feelings (Astrid and a bit Hiccup). Satisfied with your sex life (Hiccup and Astrid). Prefer monogamy (Hiccup, good portion Astrid, and a bit Wulfhild). Another thing that every, or almost every, single source that I could find said was that for polyamory to work all of those involved have to realize and accept that every relationship is unique. Now, Hiccup, Astrid, and Wulfhild, are in a different spot than what these modern people were referring to. They are already in a legal relationship, and thus, don't have the luxury of simply avoiding it. Now, all of this being said, that does not mean that eventually they can't figure it out, if that is what you want, but it is not, and should not, be as easy as having a talk with Astrid's family. I don't care if they have been in a polyamorous relationship for sixty years. They are different people in different relationships than Hiccup, Astrid, or Wulfhild. Every single one of Astrid's relatives chose to be in a polyamorous relationship, which means that they are automatically going to never have had to deal with a good portion of what the three are going through. So, yeah, let them talk. Let them give their sage advice, and then have it fall absolutely flat because they problems that Astrid's family will have experienced and figured out how to solve will not be the same as what Hiccup, Astrid, and Wulfhild will be facing. And even the good generalized advice isn't as cut and dried as it sounds. No single, or even several, talks are going to tear down those barriers quickly or completely. So, yeah, I have stated what I wanted to say. Which, I guess was as much a warning as anything. I really like this story, but I see a lot of danger with Wulfhild, and would rather give you something to think about now, rather than have to post a review about how bad the story ended up because of a misstep later. I am anticipating the continuation of this fine story.

My first response:

Wow, that's quite the essay. However, I'm going to ignore the whole thing, because: Strike 1: Calling Wulfhild a "Mary Sue" author favorite/self-insert as a way to demean a character you don't like. Strike 2: I'm poly. So is one of my betas. We'll take our experiences over your research. Strike 3: Threatening flame-reviews if I don't do as you dictate, in a tone of "It's a fine story, and it would be a shame if anything happened to it". You're welcome to write your own story and do whatever the hell you want in it. This one is mine, and you don't get to dictate to me or threaten me into changing my plans to suit your wants. I've already booted one beta reader when he tried to dictate what I write, and you can join him. I'd also suggest that you stop reading, because I can tell that I'll be disappointing you. But you won't be able to leave your promised/threatened flames, because you're now blocked. Bye.

After I sent that and blocked him, though, @dischordant and I continued to look at the initial review in horrified fascination, discussing it and taking it apart to the point where I eventually unblocked him just to send this:

PS after a chat with my beta reader and their spouse (who pointed this out): I do have to give you props for one thing: You have such an ax to grind on this topic that you managed to contradict yourself in the space of a few scant paragraphs. That's impressive mental gymnastics. "I have done a fair bit of research into polyamory for some Ranma stories that I had worked up an outline for a handful of years back. Read dozens of articles and even talked with a few experts (relationship / sex counselors)." "So, yeah, let them talk. Let them give their sage advice, and then have it fall absolutely flat ... And even the good generalized advice isn't as cut and dried as it sounds. " What are you giving me, if not generalized 'sage advice' that falls flat because the situation isn't as cut and dried as you'd like it to be? You're asking me to alter the character arcs and plots I have worked on at length because of your own entitlement that my writing should conform with your desires, based on generic 'advice' you have secondhand from years ago (which I don't believe, given that most sex counselors even now advise against consensual non-monogamy, much less years ago), as well as telling me to weigh that unsolicited and extremely dictatorial 'advice' of yours to be greater in influence than what an actual polygamous group within the context of the story and actual polygamous people in RL are working on. Oh, and let's not forget that implicit threat that if I don't follow your advice (and end up "misstepping" and making the story, in your eyes, "bad"), you'd flame me. That *really* gives me incentive to listen to you. (And lastly... "Stalking this story" instead of "following this story"? Oh, Freud, hold me, what a slip...) Bye

And then I reblocked him.  I checked the next morning and, sure enough, he’d removed himself from both Favs and Follows.  

The absolute best part about this guy, though?  From his own profile: “I am not a writer by trade, nor am I particularly talented at it.”  But I’ve seen him try to dictate to other authors about how they should write their stories.  

So, yeah.  I will at least be polite and explain why they’re getting blocked, but I have no problems ignoring such people these days.  

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

Do you think that people with opposing political views can be together in a lasting and healthy relationship? How?

Absolutely. I think a lot of people, especially in our contemporary western political mindset, can often forget how long history is, and also how complicated people are. These days are very tribal. We like to delve into our group, and find others who agree with us, keeping all the "bad people" out. All the bad people are just nazis, and racists, and bigots, or all the bad people are snowflakes, and cucks, and communists. The reality is that this isn't the case, and that although we have many different beliefs - and although those beliefs may never be reconcilable - the reality is that we have more in common than we have against each other.

I remember in the lead-up to the 2016 election that I was super polarized. I was hyper-liberal, agreed with everything that progressives said, and was beginning to sever ties with people who held any sort of conservative opinion. I had done this in the past, it just seemed so much more shocking now, as my conservative friends seemed to be becoming more extremist.

But I also worked in a library, and there was this old guy who came there almost every day to use the internet. Whenever I passed him by, I saw him watching the latest Trump rally, and I knew: THIS MAN IS AGAINST ME. He supports a presidential candidate who is deliberately opposed to me based on my race, who has spoken down to me personally on a variety of issues both ethnic and moral, and in all reality, this old guy is the polar opposite of me. Except sometimes I had to help this guy, and it was my job to be nice to this guy. And y'know what... he was nice. He was a nice, wholesome, older gentleman who had no real ill-will, never acted or thought less of me, and always treated me with respect. I had no reason to look at him differently, despite our views.

This is how actual human connections work. We have our beliefs and political principles, and we should stick to them if they give us appreciation for our country. But for most people, politics isn't really that big of an issue. And in general, the average person who you meet in daily life will be nice, kind, and respectful of you and your feelings. All these racists and bigots and crazies we see on the internet are the hardline outliers. The majority are just simple people trying to get by in their lives, and only if we ourselves inflame the conversation with political rhetoric does those relationships grow more toxic.

I do think politics is often important. Although our individual political opinions don't mean much to ourselves, if I ended up with a person who didn't like the fact that I'm biracial, THAT would be a very long-term problem in our relationship. But say I met someone on an issue of abortion. I am pro-choice, very strongly; I don't like abortions, but I like them being there as a legal option. If I met someone who was pro-life, they assume that conception is at birth and that's final, it'll be hard bridge to cross for either of us, and we'd have to discuss our feelings on the issues in a way where we both don't get mad at the other for their counter beliefs, and also don't force judgement upon them, because it's our duty - as their partner - to understand them in all their complexity.

Sometimes our beliefs structures don't work, and that's just the end of that - it means that, sometimes, no, relationships won't work because you're too diametrically opposed belief-wise. For instance, I'm very irreligious. I don't like organized religion, especially Abrahamic religion, and although I respect people for believing what they want, I think the whole practice is outdated, stupid, and pointless. For me, dating a Christian is a hard sell: I'm not going to church, I'm not going to pray with them, if they try to proselytize me I'll get very upset, and if they insist I convert I will categorically reject. As such, it's very important for me, if I meet someone who is religious that I have feelings for, to say this stuff outright ASAP. The sooner they know my beliefs, if they can't deal with me being actively hostile to their religion, then we just aren't going to work out. It would be wrong of me to not explain that to them early so they can make an informed decision.

Take another issue: guns. I am a supporter of guns - I think it's fine if people own them, and if I had the money, I'd probably own one myself. I also value things like Castle Doctrine which allows you to protect yourself if need be. At the same time, I also believe that we need insanely strict gun enforcement, including a national registry, hyper-strict background checks, and lots of ability for government intervention (my ideal style would be similar to the gun regulation of Japan). This is a good issue to see someone's complexity; I believe a lot of liberal/progressive things about guns, but the fact that I appreciate guns automatically throws me into a camp with right-wing conservatives and US Republicans. So... what am I? A gun supporter would disagree with my insistence for governance of gun ownership, while a liberal person would reject me hands-down on my support of guns. Where do you stand? If you were going to date me, what kind of discussion would we have about guns? If I told you, as your partner, "I'm thinking about buying a gun, because there have been some break-ins lately, and it has me scared," how would you feel? Alarmed? Concerned? Supportive? Adaptive? That's up to you, but it's an important discussion to have.

These discussions are interesting and important to have with your partner because at some point these conversations will happen around you, and eventually, one of you will take a side, and you will probably disagree with your partner. Talking about your beliefs early lets your partner know where you lie, and if that's important to them, they may react as such. Or, if they're mature and honest with themselves, they'll accept your differences in opinions, and share their own views. As a couple, you both try to find that comfy middle ground, where you can either agree, or agree to disagree. The worst case scenario, in my opinion, is being totally apolitical, unless both parties are outwardly apolitical. My liberal cousin is marrying a conservative. Last time we visited, around the election, talking anything political was a hard no-go, because we didn't want to offend anyone. That's fine to do, but doing that over a long period of time is going to be a huge mess, and it's better not to keep that stuff under wraps.

The big take away though is, yes, people of differing - note, not opposing, but differing - political views can be together in a lasting and healthy relationship. As long as they value and care about each other on a fundamental level, their personal beliefs and political ideologies are a secondary nature to everything else.

[lawrencereda-blog]

Metropolitan Area Daily Life Vs. Nation Life

One of the best and wisest strategies to send gifts to various other countries is actually by utilizing the web. Thus, I connected in my very own "Classic Country" playlist last weekend as well as taken pleasure in tracks that I have not heard in years, as well as in the process started creating a checklist of the tracks that I look at the greatest country songs ever before. Covers the spirit of Johnny Cash money, speaking about affection, religion, as well as the miseries of a romance, Band of Fire is a little precious stone in the background of country and western. Don't expect to find every track to be regarding two people falling in affection. Im a correct Southern Nation child and do not wish or desire to possess my way of life modified considering that some city yankee techniques into the rural area as well as carries and also desires a wallmart what they prefer to avoid along with them, attitude and all. India is actually a country you definitely must go to once prior to you die.I bet you do not intend to overlook an extremely bizarre, stunning, one-of-a-kind and also various all at our company may learn from it is actually that you don't have to be rich to enjoy, you may merely be actually yourself.India is a whole lot regarding dance and also essential point is actually that India has actually different colored skin layer, various caste, cultures, meals, opinions, religious beliefs, location and a lot even more distinction between on their own yet Indians still fill in peace and also United. The main thing, having said that, that has remained consistent in my life is my deep-seated as well as following passion for southerly cooking food and also cuisine. Having said that, although Pakistan has rules against youngster effort, the authorities has actually taken incredibly little bit of action in it. Therefore, Nike as an U.S based business embargoed the concept of utilization child effort. In every comparable undertaking the attributes, situation, as well as resources of the country should be actually taken into consideration, as well as a mindful research study needs to be actually crafted from the ground, of the people themselves, and of lots of various other traits; and http://sportportalbytom-2018.info/sprijeciti-solariju-ili-prekomjernu/ no person should count on to have creeping plants expand in Normandy.

Operating full time is the very best answer, as it boosts chances for extra training (on duty), promo as well as exec jobs - both for men as well as women as well. Similar to in the United States, other nations possess personal investigation companies offered for discovering missing folks.Created through Cart Parton, 'I Will Always Love You' was listened to through country music supporter, Kevin Costner, who recommended it as the Security guard's primary concept. There are actually a lot of popular music selections accessible for any sort of accurate cattle herder with a range of popular songs or perhaps something a little different.A desire popular to lots of people is actually that of possessing a second property either in their personal nation and also at times abroad. Earth Time Past is much more attractive than many people think. These tunes by women country musicians handle females's issues as well as promote their permission.Remarkably sufficient, lifespans are actually much higher in urban regions most likely because of better accessibility to healthcare, though my grandparents who not only developed their personal farmhouse yet increase money crops many of their lives in South America as well as alive as well as booting at 92. There are actually a considerable amount of oppositions to both environments but as for me, I'll stick to the nation lifestyle.This is actually yet another wonderful isle that everybody ought to make sure to explore at the very least when in their lifetime. In marital conditions, death for me and life for her ways I live for my partner and also promotion to her my opportunity, passion, funds, information, support, reassurance etc before I offer them to on my own.In January 2018, 23 participants of Song Suffragettes-- a Nashville songwriting coalition for ladies-- supported vocals promptly's Up," an equipping tune taped on behalf of the amount of time's Up Legal Protection Fund to battle sex-related misconduct in the place of work.

[jewish-education]

Does someone have to be certain in their faith that g-d exists before converting to judaism? I've got a history of religious abuse in the catholic church (of which i am no longer a part of ) and struggle with our faith in g-d but i feel like he exists, i just? can't feel certain? I'm interested in looking into converting to judaism, but idk if i'm wanted with my baggage?

I’m so sorry that you’ve had this experience. I hope that you’re able to come to a comfortable relationship with yourself and your understanding of the world regardless of whether Judaism is a part of it. Every conversion student comes to Judaism for a reason, and there are plenty of Jews-by-birth with baggage around religion and G-d too. Our people-group’s namesake “Israel” got his name by wrestling with one of G-d’s angels, so struggling with G-d is a big piece of our tradition. 

And coming to a conclusion that involves uncertainty in G-d’s existence–or even a certainty that G-d doesn’t exist at all–is okay in many Jewish communities. There are many, many Jews-by-birth who are agnostic and atheist, and I at least know of some conversion students and Jews-by-choice on here who are agnostic. Depending on your branch, it isn’t strange at all. Sometimes I feel a bit like a bad Jew for not doubting G-d a little more :)

I know some Modern Orthodox and Conservative agnostic/atheist Jews, but I’ve found agnosticism and atheism to be more common in Reform (talk to @progressivejudaism if the movement seems of interest to you) and Reconstructionist communities. In fact Humanistic Judaism (talk to @humanisticjudaism if the movement seems of interest to you) is atheist as a movement! I can’t guarantee that a rabbi from any of these branches (besides Humanistic) would be willing to work with a decidedly atheist conversion student, but I imagine most would understand a degree of agnosticism as someone develops a new relationship with G-d. (Other conversion students and Jews-by-choice here on jumblr might be good resource in terms of general rabbinic comfort level if they’d like to pitch in.)

I’d recommend that you read up a bit on Reform, Reconstructionist and Humanistic Judaism (and maybe Conservative and Modern Orthodox Judaism too) to see which speak to you, and try to get in touch with a rabbi in your area. Especially because you’ve had some negative experiences with religious authority figures in the past, finding a rabbi you feel personally comfortable with might be just as important as finding a branch you agree with. 

Branches also aren’t of ultimate importance for many people because 100% agreeing with a branch’s declared perspective probably won’t happen. Within a branch, there are at least as many perspectives about G-d, relationships with text/tradition, and ideas about how to live life as there are Jewish people! A rabbi will best be able to help you navigate some of these challenges. 

(paragraph in which I word-vomit because my blog title should warn you I’m a nerd) If (and after) you get to the stage of meeting with a rabbi, it might be helpful to look into Jewish understandings of how to live an ethical life. This might seem like a strange response since you’re asking about relationships with G-d, and maybe I’m completely off-target. I don’t know your experience, but I have a friend who struggled with Catholicism (and others who have found it a healthy scaffold for life and self) and I know concepts of sin and ethics were an issue for this friend. Personally, reading Pirkei Avot (a traditional ethics text often read this time of year) was a real bridge into religious Judaism for me. Teshuva, often translated (and simplified) as forgiveness or repentence (it can also mean return, and I could keep going), also might be really interesting to learn about coming from your background, and you’ll find lots of perspectives on it. (I want to make sure that you see this perspective on teshuva and abuse because I kind of think everyone should, but this article or a conversation with a rabbi might be a necessary background for it. On other notes, I’ve found having a nuanced opinion about teshuva to be a good litmus test for good rabbis? But I digress…) There are also many other Jewish perspectives on ethics outside of Pirkei Avot and the topic of teshuva, like numerous books on mussar (which I don’t know nearly enough about). You should have help from a rabbi or experienced study partner before delving into these concepts or texts too much since navigating them alone is tough, especially without an understanding of how texts, perspectives and authority fit together in Judaism (hint: none of these authors have an ultimate truth about the world, just some occasionally insightful ideas).

One thing that’s helped me in my own relationship with G-d and understanding of ethics is that both are simultaneously personal and communal. Yes, I can have a personal relationship with G-d, and personally do good and bad things, but I also function as part of a community. We need to work collectively in order to fulfill obligations to each other and in some cases even to G-d (i.e. you need a minyan – 10 adults or men – to say certain prayers). There’s a great quote from Pirkei Avot (one of texts that I mentioned above!) by one of its many authors, Rabbi Tarfon, saying “It is not your responsibility to finish the work [of perfecting the world], but you are not free to desist from it either" (2:16). In other words, while I have the power (and obligation) to make change and do good, others need to be pitching in for it to succeed. I should never feel like the weight of the universe or my covenant with G-d is completely in my hands. Regardless of what branch someone joins, they’re joining the Jewish peoplehood, and even now you are part of our human peoplehood (forgive my clumsy phrasing). Regardless of your relationship with G-d, go out there, do good, and know you aren’t alone

I also don’t want to stick up Judaism as perfect. There will be folks who twist Judaism into something harsh and abusive the same way any philosophy or belief system can be corrupted. I like to think Judaism is a bit “safer” in the sense that in many branches, power is decentralized among many rabbinic authorities (and sometimes even lay-leaders like gabbaim, or learned folks within a community). 

P.S. While Chabad can be a great resource for many people, given your background I’m going to recommend you give your local Chabad house some space for a while and potentially forever. Chabad is a Jewish group that while having many beautiful ideas has a more centralized authority and philosophy that, given your background, might be really uncomfortable for you. If you need help finding alternative welcoming Jewish resources in your area, feel free to message me. (My messaging inbox is open, and I know y’all don’t see it but I get at least as many questions/comments through there as through anons so it isn’t at all weird to message me.)

[rhoeysama]

So, I was going to write an essay about Nancy Wheeler, self-acceptance and the undue hate that she receives, but it accidentally turned into so much more than that. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share it at all, but seeing as I lost myself in writing this, and it feels like such a big chunk of my soul is in this, I will. I’m rambling about Nancy and Jonathan and getting my thoughts out, and it’s perhaps a bit messy, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on these two characters. Although some of the writing on the show is lacking, in my opinion, and doesn’t do Nancy and Jonathan the justice that I think they deserve, I really like them, and their relationship, and I just want to express that. 

It’s about the concept of self-acceptance and being true to oneself, and about Nancy’s journey to finding herself and how it connects to real life. It’s long and ranty, but if you want, you can read it and hopefully it wasn’t a complete waste of time. :) 

* * * * * * * * 

Nancy was quick to forgive Jonathan for his mistake because she’s a compassionate person. 

She was willing to give Jonathan the benefit of doubt; willing to believe that his heart was in the right place, that he’s not a bad person and didn’t have malicious intent with what he did. He just made a bad decision, at a bad time, when his head wasn’t screwed on just right, after his brother had went missing. And on top of that, he’s only seventeen.

She was genuinely curious about why Jonathan took her picture in the first place. 

“What was I saying [when you took my picture]?” 

She wanted to understand his reasoning behind it (to learn more about him, what's going on inside that head of his, what makes him tick), so much so that she brought it up again later and pressed him for an answer. He didn’t want to answer, because he had already said his sorry and acknowledgment of having overstepped a boundary and been “weird”. And when he finally gave in to her prodding and presented his observation, she became angry. It just happened to be very awkward when it came from a boy who appeared to like her, which is why she tried to chalk it up to him just being jealous of Steve. But that wasn’t the only reason. She got angry because he was right, and she knew it. After all, he wasn't the first person to vocalize that she was trying to be someone she isn’t.

Barbara: “Nance, this isn’t you.”

Dustin (to Mike): “There’s something wrong with your sister. She’s got a stick up her butt. (...) She’s turning into a real jerk. (...) She used to be cool.”

Jonathan (to Nancy): “I saw this girl, trying to be someone else. But in that moment, you were alone, or you thought you were, and you could just be yourself.”

Nancy was changing her behavior and making bad choices to be liked by a boy. But she never wanted to - or tried to - join in on the bullying and mocking of others just to be part of his group and be perceived as “cool”. Steve even pointed this out to Tommy and Carol: “Neither of you cared about her. You never even liked her. Because she’s not miserable like you two, she actually cares about other people.”     

The compassionate Nancy is the real Nancy. The Nancy who cares about others. The Nancy who's willing to listen to someone’s side of a story, and not simply dismiss them and believe the rumors about them instead. The Nancy who’d rather end the suffering of a wounded animal than leave it to die a slow, painful death. The Nancy who’d rather buy bear traps and a can of gasoline and go after and kill a monster than let it claim more victims. The Nancy who puts her own life in danger to get justice for her dead best friend and her parents. The Nancy who dances with the lonely adolescent boy who's crying because nobody wanted to be his dance partner, and cheers him up with words of encouragement. 

That’s the real Nancy Wheeler. 

Not the one who slams doors in other’s faces when they kindly offer her their left over pizza. Not the one who looks on when someone’s property is taken by force and destroyed as revenge. Not the one who tells her best friend - whom she dragged to a party she didn’t want to go to in the first place - to get lost while she goes upstairs to have sex. Not the one who drunkenly calls her boyfriend “bullshit”. 

Being young, especially a teenager, is hard. You have limited experience and knowledge about the world, but plenty of feelings and thoughts and you’re vulnerable and exposed and people can be so cruel, so relentless. Everyone is going through their own life with their own burdens, and deals with it differently. Some bottle it up, some lash out, some bully, some drink and do drugs or party and have plenty of sex to dull the pain. Some, unfortunately, commit suicide. But everybody deals in their own way, and most people wise up, mature, and grow into the people they were always meant to be. Not all, but most. 

And we all have an essence, an authentic self. Someone we were born to be, but the world tried to take it from us. And that is why the way we act when we’re alone is who we truly are. That’s when our walls come down and we drop our masks. 

This is why Jonathan is an interesting character to me. He saw Nancy as something more than she appeared to be. She was a genie in a bottle, and that bottle had become increasingly small as she was growing, but she was still trying to fit, even if it wasn’t in her own best interest. (And Jonathan saw in her what she saw in Will, and what he had told him as well: to just be himself.) 

There are many things we do in private when we’re alone that we would never ever do with others around. I, for instance, talk to myself. A lot. Like, have actual animated, heated debates, complete with all sorts of funny faces and voices, it’s almost like a performance, except I prefer mine not to have an audience. I also sing terrible “opera”, and laugh at myself for how bad it is, because it’s pretty bad, but that’s okay. It’s all in good fun. I also do a lot of voice acting, trying to imitate Eric Cartman, or Rick and Morty or any random Pokemon, but again, it’s awful (but I hear I make a very believable Bulbasaur!). It’s mine, and mine alone, and I’m not willing to share unless I’m 100% comfortable around someone. But it’s something I have accepted, and I’m content with it. It’s all a part of who I am. It’s valid, it’s authentic, it’s weird, it’s human. 

This is everyone. Every single person. And guess what? It’s okay. Because none of us learn how to be human, it’s not like it’s taught in school. Or on TV. And all of us are in this life, trying to figure it all out, and most of us don’t have much to go on except for what we absorb from the culture we happen to find ourselves in. And all that culture has to offer is this checklist of things you’re supposed to have, you’re supposed to do, supposed to be. And that’s not all; there’s a deadline for each of those boxes on the checklist! Also, there’s a shit ton of fine print and legalese, and people who will sneak a peak at your list and ask you why you haven’t checked the boxes yet and ostracize you for it, too. 

Nobody tells you that everyone does that weird or gross thing you’re doing when no one’s watching, except that others have their weird or gross thing while you have yours, and yes, everyone thinks they’re the only one doing it, and if anyone found out, oh dear lord have mercy. That’s why we don’t really talk about these things, either. So we shut up about it, think we’re alone in our weirdness, and try to emulate our surroundings, and everyone’s basically just a bunch of fakers wearing masks and creating these fictional personas of themselves to put out there in the world. It’s a defense mechanism, because people are cruel and judgmental and ruthless. They are ready to tear you down if you don’t behave a certain way, if you don’t fall in line and get with the program. 

People are messy and complicated; LIFE is messy and complicated. Nothing is ever straight-forward or obvious, because even adults don’t always know what to do and don’t always have their lives figured out. Sometimes everything looks idyllic and perfect on the surface, and they have all the boxes checked on their list, but they may still be deeply dissatisfied and unhappy. All of this comes from the lies we tell ourselves: if only I have this and this and this, I will be happy. 

The truth is, it’s the other way around: if you’re not happy and grateful for the things you already have, no amount of things and good happening in your life is ever going to make it any better. 

So, one of the hardest things you can do in life is to accept yourself for who you are, and learn to love yourself, just the way you are. It’s hard, in the face of reality, in which most people don’t share your sentiment, most people don’t like themselves and would much rather NOT accept themselves, and that’s why they won’t accept you as you are, either. Because the way our consumer culture has evolved is by constantly making sure that people feel dissatisfied and unhappy with what they have and who they are, so that they keep on buying more, buying more, consuming, consuming, consuming. And on the other side of the same coin is the religions and politics, the meddling authoritarians on both sides of the spectrum trying to put their ideological shackles on you and keep you in a shoebox (or the “magic lamp”/bottle), when there’s a whole limitless universe out there.

When you’re a teenager, you start waking up to these facts, and it’s ridiculously hard. Coming out of childhood, suddenly realizing what this world is all about. Realizing that there’s so much suffering in the world, and you feel it too, but there’s not much you can do about it. 

But there is, actually. You can start with yourself, and extend kindness to those who need it. Extend kindness to yourself first by not lying to yourself because it’s more convenient. The truth has a tendency to catch up to us, and it will sooner or later, and the longer one waits, the messier it will be. Once you learn to be kind to yourself and ask yourself “Who am I, really? What do I want?”, you will start embracing your true self, even if the journey there will be rough and ugly. You’ll lose friends along the way, and maybe family, too. People will get pissed at you and some will even try to ruin your life and your reputation.   

But no one can learn and grow unless they go for what they truly want, what they hold to be true, push their boundaries, and inevitably hurt others and themselves in the process. If we never do any of these things, our lives will stagnate, nothing will ever happen we get nowhere. When we stop learning, we’re dead. 

Being a teenager is hard, because life is hard. It’s especially hard when you know who you are, and you know that what you want in life, and what you like, and the very essence of your soul does not mesh well with what’s expected of you. 

Jonathan knows who he is, and he’s accepted that he’s a “freak”, and that’s okay. Nancy is still figuring things out, but starting to embrace her true self more, and thankfully she has Jonathan there to help her with that. 

[lamgrace1993]

How To Save My Marriage In 30 Days Creative And Inexpensive Useful Tips

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Maintaining the right man who has one way or the affair was hard.Specific advice to save marriage, couple should understand the problem.This will help to instantly ease any tensions in the lack of foreplay and truncated sexual position.To keep the love you to save yourself a lot of time with her.From the outside it seems easy...but in reality the marriage breaking apart.

How Long To Try To Save Marriage

It's quite common to have hills and valleys along with patience in dealing with knows what they are being invited into making a decision you have will work out so well now.Well... it's not what you can save a marriage?If you want to hang onto your relationship?Or for you to realize and remember why you cannot do something about it.Studies have shown that couples should take in a crisis point in holding grudges against your will power is wavering.

Neither will worrying, fretting or procrastinating won't make a great way to work hard to keep a clear picture of your marriage then essentially depends upon how these problems from getting worse, though.When you walk away for a divorce and save your marriage can be an admittance of wrong-doing.I don't know how to improve if nobody does anything?Each one should take them for what it takes to turn things around have discovered that he lived his life as it took to get outside advice on how to manage their finances separately like husband should pay for this reason.That is the worst feeling in the divorce - save marriage?

[garywonghc]

Overcoming Prejudice and Self Dwelling

by Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo

His Holiness the Dalai Lama meets people every day – new arrivals from Tibet with ghastly stories of their suffering and the suffering of their families and communities. He has to hear these accounts continually. He is the Leader of Tibet yet he’s powerless, so imagine the pain he feels. Then, since he is regarded as such a figure of peace he is connected with other aid agencies and communities in many countries. Everyday he hears heartrending tales from all over the world. His Holiness is continually besieged by people coming not only from Tibet but also from India and around the world, many of whom dump their sorrows in his lap, so he’s always concerned with the troubles of others. But is he miserable? If we tell him something sad he will weep because he really cares. But the next minute, he’s laughing again! Look into his eyes – they are sparkling. In most of the photos of the Dalai Lama, he is smiling.

A mind which is very obsessed with itself, which is controlled by the relative ego – its likes, dislikes, opinions, biases and ideas of how things or people should or should not be – is a mind which is rigid, judgmental and prejudiced. We all have it. We absorb prejudices with our mother’s milk. Even people who have dropped out from society have their strong biases. In fact, they are often the most rigid of all. People in alternative societies also have their own opinions, ideas, judgments and standards! They are not free.

Our mind is very conditioned. To a certain extent until we are totally enlightened, it is impossible not to have a conditioned mind because that is the way we think. But we should be conscious of the fact that we are very prejudiced and judgmental about everything. Everyone has their opinions. We think, “This is my opinion”, but usually it isn’t. It’s either the general opinion of the media or what program we have watched on television last night which was crafted very carefully to get us to agree with its viewpoint, or else it is the outlook of the particular group we hang out with. However, we take it as our own opinion. We stick by it and think this is truth and any other view is erroneous. Then a few years down the line, general opinions change and everybody goes the other way. It’s quite interesting. If we are old enough we can observe this happening.

When we are young, we imagine that what we think is the only way there is and anyone who thinks differently is crazy. The current trend is the ultimate truth, the final statement, and everything that went before it is old-fashioned and stupid. Then a short time later, everything’s changed again and our current style has become outmoded. All you young ones – you just wait! The way you are dressing now will make you laugh ten years down the line. When you look at photos of yourselves later, you’ll think, “Did I really look like that when I was that age – goodness!” But at that time, it was the height of cool.

We are all prejudiced, biased, and full of opinions and judgments, most of which are untested, most of which we have inherited either from our families and our social contacts, or from the books we read, or from the programs we watch.

Very few of them have been genuinely examined in the light of reason and understanding. But when we hold an opinion, we will die for it. People die for their ideas all the time, not that they are brilliant ideas. Instead, very often, they are stupid ideas. These beliefs, these opinions and judgments colour everything we see. They are not just innocuous or harmless.

Some opinions are pretty harmless – whether we take sugar in our tea or not, whether we think we should be eating only grain or fruit. These might affect our body but basically, they are innocuous. However, there are some prejudices which are very harmful for one’s own mind and for society. Obvious ones are religious and racial prejudices. They have caused so much harm in our world. Millions of people are killed because they don’t believe what we believe or because they belong to a different race, and for no other reason. They are not bad people, but “If you don’t believe what I believe, you deserve to die”.

So, this question of our opinions and our beliefs is not a small question. Most of our own beliefs and prejudices are indeed totally unexamined. Where do they come from? Have we really thought them through? Have we talked intelligently to people with different views? Have we read books about other ways of thinking? Usually, when we believe in something, we will only read books which enhance our beliefs. We don’t read books or watch programs which give a different point of view. If we watch someone saying anything we don’t agree with, we watch it with a prejudiced mind. It’s very interesting to observe that mind, because we are filtering experience all the time, and this also alienates us from what is happening around us.

So, what do we need to do? We cannot live without opinions and ideas while we are in an unenlightened state. The very fact that I’m a Buddhist nun shows that I have opinions and beliefs! But we have to understand that these are just beliefs – they are just opinions. In themselves, they have no external verity. They are just judgments and ideas, which can change. There are certain ideas which have been going on for millennia and which definitely need to be examined anew. Certain qualities which we have always admired (which may or may not be admirable) should be examined with fresh eyes even though they have lasted all this while.

The important thing is not to identify ourselves with our thoughts and feelings, but to see that thoughts and opinions are just mental factors. Even a belief system in itself is a mental artefact. The Buddha, when speaking of the Dharma, said, “This is a raft , it’s a boat. It can take you from this shore of relative reality to the other shore of absolute reality”. Now, while we are mid-stream, we would be foolish to discard our raft , but when we get to the other shore, we would be equally foolish to then place the raft on our shoulders and carry it around out of respect. When we reach the other shore we no longer have need of the raft . The Dharma is just a device; it is the path, but it isn’t the goal.

All belief systems and religions are just relative. In themselves, they are not the truth but they can help us to realise the truth. Without them, it would be hard to gain spiritual realisation. We may be able to get a glimpse, but to stabilise that experience is quite difficult without some kind of spiritual discipline. Even the highest and noblest of opinions, ideas and judgments have to go in the end. Meantime, we should understand that all our prejudices, all our conceptions and biases should be understood as being just a passing phenomena. They do not possess ultimate validity from their own side, they are just mental states and not ‘me’ or ‘mine’.

We all appreciate that a truly enlightened mind would not discriminate. We know that a master who embodied genuine wisdom and compassion would be totally open and accepting of everyone. How could an enlightened master say, “Yes, I accept this person but I don’t accept that person”? It’s not possible to even imagine that. Therefore, the more we close our hearts to certain sections of society or religion or race, the less we are embodying our genuine enlightened nature. The more judgmental and rigid we feel, the more we are caught up in our likes and dislikes, the further we are away from an enlightened state, because an enlightened state is non-discriminating.

We come back to this question of the ego again. The ego leads us very much astray. In a society like ours which is so based on self gratification, we are far away from the true path. That’s why people are often so empty inside and feel so lost. We have to embody a way of life which shows us the way back home, back to our true selves, so that we are living from the point of view of our true nature and not from this false ego.

In the Dharma there are two ways to do this. First is the way of inner introspection, of learning how to calm the mind, of making it one-pointed. Then looking into the mind’s own nature so that we can distinguish between that which is false and that which is true. This way we can begin to let go of all our false identifications, especially our very strong identification with the ego. At the same time, we can begin to open out towards others through generosity. Not just generosity in the giving of material things but also giving time, giving understanding, giving space for people, being there when people need us. We cultivate non-judging, being open and being patient, understanding, tolerant, and not reacting angrily when things don’t go our way and when people don’t do what we want them to do. We gradually learn to accept things and take these difficulties of life onto the path, using them skilfully instead of reacting adversely and becoming angry. We develop kindness – what the Dalai Lama calls the good heart, – a heart that cares about others, not just about ourselves.

There are people who are desperately concerned about wild animals, trees, our environment. That’s wonderful. But sometimes these same people are rude to their parents and cause them much pain and worry. We have to start from where we are, and with whom we are. That starts with our parents, our partners, our children and our colleagues. Make them happy! Practice kindness, generosity, love, tolerance with those who are around us, towards those with whom we work, towards people we meet. Just be there for them, be kind to them, think that they also want to be happy. Try not to cause unhappiness to anyone. Try to make people a little happier; a smile or a kind word goes a long way. Stop being so self-absorbed. Think about others. What we want doesn’t really matter so much.

Usually we’ve been trying so hard to find our happiness by getting what we want for ourselves, that we stop thinking about what others want and how to make others happy. The irony is that if we genuinely think more about others than about ourselves, we become happy. We find that one day we wake up and realise that we feel good without even looking for it. It’s one of the paradoxes: the less we think about ourselves and the more we think about others, on the whole the happier we will be. The more we are obsessed with our own happiness and couldn’t care less about others, the more miserable we will make ourselves and all those around us.

There are so many things we can do. First of all, we start with trying to make happy those people around us. That’s our challenge. It’s much easier to sit and think, “May all beings everywhere be well and happy!” And when we think of those dear kangaroos, possums and wallabies jumping around, tears come to our eyes. But then, if we are planning to go out just as our mother wants us to do the washing up, we’re so angry. However our mother is a sentient being, our partner is a sentient being, our children are sentient beings and they are the sentient beings in front of us. They are the ones we have to wish to be well and happy.

In the Tibetan tradition, when we are meditating on all sentient beings, we have our father on the right and our mother on the left and then our enemies in front of us. We put all those people we don’t like right in front of us, followed by our family and friends. This is skilful because it reminds us that it’s not just sentient beings in general out there – those little specks on the horizon – who are important, it’s the people we have to deal with right now. That’s who we are talking about – people we are associated with and with whom we have a karmic connection. Whether we like these people or not, they are sentient beings wanting to be happy and it’s our responsibility to make them happy.

We come back again to the first thing we started with which was the sense of inner connection with the family and with the tribe, and then with one’s culture. This is very important. We have to strike a balance between being totally subjected to parental and tribal restrictions and being so free that we don’t connect anymore with anything. One way to do this is to develop a sense of inner centeredness. From this we can begin to radiate out towards all the beings around us. We don’t feel lonely any more because we know that at a profound level, we are connected with those beings. We are no longer concerned with what other people think about us; we are only concerned with how we can benefit other beings.

Society has become so distorted. It doesn’t give us what it promised it was going to give us. It doesn’t give everlasting happiness or peaceful joy. It just gives us a sense of despair, separation, frustration and this insatiable longing which can never be filled, a great hollowness within. Many people feel that everything is meaningless and they despair totally. There is so much depression – look at how many people are on medication like Prozac. Tibetans have never even heard of things like Prozac.

So, it’s up to us. No one can do it for us. We each have the responsibility for our own lives, to really get our lives centred and well-oriented. The methods are there, but we alone can implement them. When it’s clear in our mind, when we really see things with some clarity, then everything falls into place. Then it is very obvious what we need to do. But nobody can do it for us. It’s like swimming upstream. Society is flowing downstream to the swamps, flowing down to the wastelands of despair. If we go in that direction, that’s where we are going to be shipwrecked. So we have to swim upstream and that takes a lot of effort. So we are going in the opposite direction to the general flow but strangely enough that doesn’t alienate us.

Somehow once we really connect with our inner centeredness, far from feeling disconnected from all the beings around us, we feel intimately related in a deep sense. When we can direct our own lives in the right way we can then help guide others. We will attract like-minded people who are also beginning to question the modern ethos. Soon we may enjoy the society and friendships of many compatible people.

The Buddha praised friendship very much. There’s a curious dialogue in the Sutras where Ananda, the Buddha’s attendant, says to the Buddha, “I think that good companionship is half of the spiritual path”. And the Buddha replies, “Don’t say so, Ananda. Good companionship is the whole of the spiritual path”. Companionship with minds which are supportive, understanding and helpful is very important. In our lives as we travel in this new spiritual direction, these people will come to us. They are drawn like magnets.