#Sparklefarts

[compostboy]

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE:

You are [y/n], existing in [current location]. A miniature cheerleader, with poofy pink hair and your full ass name written over their nongendered tits, spawns on your shoulder. Kind of looks like Pinkie Pie?

"Hello, [y/n]!" they cheer. "I am Sparklefarts the Almighty! I have come to take you on a journey!"

"Totally. Before we begin, I need to ask you a question... Have you drunk any water recently?"

A: Eh... [go to 1]

B: Absolutely, you might even say I'm drinking it right now! [go to 2]

[1] "TOWARDS THE NEAREST WATER SOURCE!" the cheerleader bellows. "DRINK. OR PERISH BY MY POM POM."

A: "OF COURSE LET'S GOO!!!!" [go to 2]

B: "Due to unfortunate circumstances, there is no water source..." [go to 3]

[2] "GOOD JOB GOOD JOB Goooooood job that's amazing I love you," the cheerleader gushes. [go to 3]

[3] Ready to move on, you face the cheerleader, anticipating another question. You're pretty sure you know where this is going.

"Okay. Now we are ready for step 2. I need to know... have you eaten anything in the past 4 hours?"

A: "I have eaten today, but not in the past 4 hours." [go to 4]

B: "I haven't eaten today at all. Worst case, maybe it has been a few days since I ate? Hmm..." [go to 5]

C: "Yup, I totally have!" [go to 6]

[4] "Ah, so it's time for a meal then? Based on how hungry, tired, etc, you are, you can choose anything from a small fruit to a proper meal. Yoghurt? Oats? There are many easy to prepare things you could go for, and if you need a full meal but can't prepare it, it's okay to eat many small things instead of one big thing."

"Thank you for reminding me. I'll go get something right now." You go to the food source of your choice, do the necessary preparations, and put it in your mouth. Chew chew. [go to 6]

[5] "Oh, I'm sorry. You must feel very tired. Maybe it's just that you haven't had time for breakfast yet, but, if going more than a day without food is a regular occurrence for you, your body might be in starvation mode, and you should ask a medical professional how best to get back into eating without triggering refeeding syndrome. I don't want you to do something that can be dangerous, I only ask that you give your body a little bit of fuel so your brain can get you through the day. Brains without fuel can get very depressed, more than they otherwise would be, as they cannot think properly."

A: "Actually, I just haven't had time for breakfast yet." [go to 4]

B: "You're right, I either don't have access to food or choose not to eat it on a regular basis. I can't or won't change that right now. [go to 7]

C: "I have access to food right now, and while it is common for me to not eat enough, I think it is medically safe to have a meal and I am going to choose that right now." [go to 4]

[6] "YOU'RE AMAZING. YOU PREPARED A FOOD AND ATE IT?! That's so cool of you I'm envious I also want to prepare a meal and eat it, but I am deathly intolerant of everything except glitter glue."

A: "What a coincidence! I happen to have a tube of glitter glue just lying around." [go to 8]

B: "Oof I'm sorry, I don't have anything like that for you..." Or at the very least, you don't think it's a good idea to give it to them. [go to 7]

[7] "You probably want to get on with this now," the cheerleader nods solemnly. Their pompoms rest on their hips. "Have you done the BBs? Brush HAIR and Brush TEETH?"

A: "Truthfully, neither." [go to 9]

B: "Only 1 of them." [go to 10]

C: "1 or neither is applicable, but I have done what needed doing!" [go to 11]

D: "Yeeees I have!" [go to 11]

[8] The cheerleader chugs glitter glue. It pours out down their chin and everything is covered in glitter oh god oh no what have you done.......... Anyway. [go to 7]

[9] "BB TIME. LET'S GO. Give me a B!" the cheerleader strikes a pose, but doesn't wait for you to answer. "Give me a B! What does that spell? BB!"

A: "I can't fucking do it I'm sorry" [go to 12]

B: "I managed to do 1, but I don't think I can do another, not right now at least. This is as good as it gets right now." [go to 11]

C: "I managed to do 1, but I need some extra encouragement to be able to do the second one." [go to 10]

D: "I DIDS IT!! WEEEEE!!!!!" [go to 11]

[10] "Yooooo that's so cool, take a moment to celebrate that victory before we get a move on this second one. You did so well," the cheerleader calms down and it's clear they really are happy for you that you got this far.

You celebrate by striking a pose that makes you feel good, and tell yourself that you did a good job.

"I did a really good job with that, tbh. Maybe it wasn't perfect, or maybe it was, but it was worth doing regardless. Nice."

The cheerleader pulls you by the hand towards the unused brush.

It occurs to you there are ways to make it easier, like for example using a toothpaste you don't hate, or combing your hair a little bit at a time, or only doing it for a short while rather than all the way to completion.

"Ready?" they ask.

A: "Ready." You take the brush and get to action. [go to 11]

B: "I'm sorry. I'm not ready, and I don't think I'll be ready anytime soon. Can we go to the next one?" [go to 12]

[11] "YOU DID IT!!!!!!!! HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH THE BARE MINIMUM MAINTENANCE IS THE BEST FUCKING THING YOU CAN DO YOU RULE!!!!!!!!" The cheerleader throws their pompoms so hard they explode, bam bam, and new ones materialize in their hands.

"My teeth are feeling so happy right now," you say. "My hair too."

"Awesooooome," they say.

"Awesooooome," you agree.

Such success. Much celebration. [go to 13]

[12] "That's okay," the cheerleader pats your back. "Maybe today is just a kindness day, and you forgive yourself and move on? No need to beat yourself up when you're already down. Let's accept that sometimes we can't do things, and that is morally neutral. Sure, there can be consequences for it, but to be equipped to handle those consequences you need to first be gentle with yourself you can cooperate with yourself and problem solve."

You take a minute to think neutral thoughts about yourself. No judgements or opinions, only facts. You have a face. You're looking at your phone with your eyes, this is neutral. There are tasks that you could do, or not do, or do halfway, a little bit, there are many options in the world.

"Do you feel ready to try only only 1 of those things, or would you rather try something else?" The cheerleader asks.

A: Try 1 thing. [go to 10]

B: Try something else. [go to 13]

[13] "Now, the thing we've all been waiting for!" a mysterious drum roll accompanies their voice. "It is time to do something that YOU want to do."

"Me? But isn't this your quest game thing?"

"Yeah! And my quest is to make sure you were prepared to do something you like."

"Oh. That's nice. Thank you, Sparklefarts." You almost forgot their name, after everything you have been through together.

"No need to thank me. This is what cheerleaders were born to do!"

"I see. How do I know what I want to do now that I get to choose, though?" The world is much more complicated when you have free will. There are infinite possibilities. You could crawl into bed. You could run to the nearest bungee jump station or die on the way. You could draw old men making out with each other. Your head spins.

"There are many ways to decide," they take you to a whiteboard where they draw their suggestions. "Either the first thing that comes to mind, or pick 3 things and choose the one that makes you feel best, or set a timer for your first choice so you can have time to do the next one too, or use a randomizer, or roll dice."

How do you choose a method ?!

"First method that pops into your head!" Sparklefarts shouts. "Go go go!!"

You are GOING!!!!!!

WOO!!!

As soon as you are on your way to your activity, Sparklefarts bursts into a ball of glitter. They're on to new adventures as a cheerleader.

Their power lingers in the air.

"I can do this," you say.

[3rdl3gend]

[sparklefartstheunicorn]

Disability aid review- pain management edition

Good morning fellow chronic pain peeps! Thought I'd share a review of some of the pain management tools I've purchased myself in the last year. First up, we have the Momcozy pregnancy pillow

I'm a side sleeper that barrel rolls all night. Most body/maternity pillows don't work for me because I just get tangled up in them. This pillow was recommended by some tiktokers with Ehlers-Danlos, so I gave it a try.

What I like :

The texture of the cover reminds me of a squishmallow.

Laying inside it feels like a hug, and was very comforting.

The stuffing is soft, but sturdy. I only used it a couple weeks (more on that later) but I saw no flattening or stuffing lumps.

The U shape kept me from barrel rolling and gave me support when I did turn side to side. I also found myself naturally sleeping on my back halfway through the night, which is far better on my spine.

I did have less pain in my hips, back, and lower neck while using it.

What I didn't like:

I felt I was a bit too tall for it. I'm 5' 9" so I expected that would be the case. The part that goes through your knees, hit me at crotch level. To circumvent this, I just bent that part down to run along my side.

It did creep up a little during the night, and I'd have to sit up and readjust my whole nest. This could be because I'm such a rough sleeper or the slick velvet cover. It wasn't a deal breaker for me, but it was a thing.

What made me stop using it every night was that I started seeing an increase in my cervicogenic headaches. I wondered if the pillow wasn't increasing the pressure on the base of my skull and triggering them. That said, I still got headaches a few days after I switched pillows. So this could have been a coincidence.

It does take up the majority of my queen size bed. My partner and I sleep separately, but if you share a bed that might be an issue.

I bought the Momcozy brand over the less expensive options after reading tons of reviews. I bought through Amazon (link) but you can also find it on their website and walmart.com

Summary:

I feel like it was well worth the $50 I paid for it (I've seen it on sale since for less than 40). I slept better on this pillow than I have any others. I liked it so well, that I'm going to give it another go once I'm brave enough to risk another migraine. But, unless you have instability where your head meets your neck, I don't think you'll have the same problems.

*Stay tuned for more reviews

[dorenarox]

I swear, every time I see an unusual effect, I wonder who the heck over at Valve thought those were a good idea.

[metalgrateeater]

SPARKLEFART WZARD HAS A NEW BFF

[zzdawizard]

I am going to turn Sparklefart into a fucki ng barley plant I have the wretched urge to feed by just latching onto some manner of creature for my sustenance

[artificialhit]

sparklefart in my fac:3

Ayeeee

[gallusrostromegalus]

Horrific. Including both the potion and the disease in my games immediately.

Sparklefarts disease is named not after it primary symptom, but the gnome who first described and began experimenting with treatments, Dr. Oswald Sparklefart the 4th.

The Sparklefart name is an old and proud one in gnomish culture- translated from its origins in Older Penultimate Gnomish, it roughly means "they who leave the world more beautiful in their wake".

But back at the affliction-

It's a zoonotic disease that originally jumped from unicorns to humans under murky and suspect circumstances.

The most likely point of transfer was someone eating undercooked sausage made from unicorn intestines, as it's caused by the introduction of unicorn gut flora to the patient, rather than the popular urban myth about why unicorns like virgins so much.

While deeply embarrassing and difficult to clean up, the disease is not usually fatal on its own, but can exacerbate other disorders of the lower GI tract.

Sparklefarts disease does have therapeutic use as the introduction of the bacteria (Glitterati rosa) will overpower many other gastric infections and cure even the most aggravated cases of constipation, though it should be used with care to stay out of the resulting Blast Radius.

Sparkle free fart anyone?

[glitterandmoondustofficial]

When doing sheep chores in the morning they don’t say “Good Morning, Mom!” They say baaaaaah.

[sparklefarts]

Ok, so after watching Super Junior’s 2YA2YAO, I am convinced that the plot is that they are cranky old people who woke up in a nursing home and they are upset about not getting enough prunes at lunch and they all are joining together to break out, disguised as young people. Except for Heechul, who is encouraging the breakout while he watches so he can get his choice of nursing home ladies once the other old geezers bust out.

[sparklefartstheunicorn]

Chronic illness rec

I've been struggling to drink enough water that doesn't have coffee in it, and thought a nice bottle would help. But I was struggling to find one that excited me. Then, I found one of these bad boys, brand new at the thrift.

It holds 1/2 gallon! The handle is rubberized and comfortable. It has a neoprene cover to help keep it cool, which has pockets, a clip for keys, an adjustable crossbody strap, and a spot that fits croc charms. The straw inside has a detachable comfort mouth piece. It's leak proof when the screw cap is closed, and has a wide mouth opening for those who prefer to drink without a straw.

My thoughts so far :

Drinking water is definitely easier when I have a cute water bottle.

The carrying strap is way easier on my hypermobile/nerve damaged hands, especially given that it's 1/2 gallon of water. I can carry it around the house with me with ease.

It's fairly easy to clean compared to other similar bottles I've owned and so far.

The screw top isn't hard to open for me, and I have issues with grip strength.

The one I got is currently out of stock, but there's a lot of options, including these

It's a bit of a splurge, but they're having a sale. The bundle sets are $25-40 US, depending on the pattern you choose. And you can buy additional sleeves starting at $10.

Here's a link to the bundles. Stay hydrated, babes 🌈😘

[ladykagewaki]

🤣😂🤣 I'm sorry, I'm too distracted by the fact that I didn't think of the name @ladysparklefarts

But when I finish dying from laughter I'll need my fellow ladies to turn my remains into a brick and insert it into the walls if tumblr. 🧱 🧱 🧱

Me if I were Lady Sparklefarts:

There are a number of "lady--" names in my followers list: @ladykagewaki @ladykatakuri @ladyzirkonia @ladysongmaster @ladysparklefarts And that's just the ones off the top of my head. Are you all part of a group like the Daughters of Ferrix? Are you the Ladies of Tumblr?

[and-then-theres-that]

My wife’s Sparklefarts talking unicorn getting ready to dive into my taco bowl #sparklefarts #unicorn #funny #novelty #toy #mexican https://www.instagram.com/p/CAndYXkg_2QbFMLDZO8XNQcvA0XYa2K2lPUToQ0/?igshid=qcyu5p7u8fcd

[metalgrateeater]

Sparklefart wizard now has the perfect wizard hat