#Sometimes things in my head have a black AND a white background at the same time it's so weird

[hannahssimblr]

Photoshop Tutorial #1 - Change Background & Add Reflections

Before & After

You will need

Photoshop

Internet Access

I was inspired to make this tutorial after facing a dilemma in my game. I wanted my sims to swim in Brindleton Bay, but, shock horror, the water there is not swimmable. Luckily, I know how to change the background of my screenshots to make it appear as though it is - and I'm going to bring you through the process of how!

Starting off, in game, I brought my sims to Tartosa and got my desired shot. Then, heading over to Brindleton Bay, I got some shots of the horizon that I wanted as a backdrop.

Here's a picture I took:

Okay! Let's open up Photoshop!

For reference, I have Photoshop 2024, but most if not all of the features I've used should be included in older versions too.

Here's our image! Now I'm selecting the Background layer in the layers panel and press CTRL J twice to create two duplicates.

I'll turn off the bottom two layers for now, (by clicking the eye button, for newbies) and go to the properties panel. this should be on the right hand side, above the layers panel, but if it isn't, simply go into window > properties to switch it on.

With the layer selected, I click remove background and voila! Photoshop has... er... done her best to remove the background (she sometimes gets it wrong, but at least it's a help)

You'll see that a layer mask has been created. (circled in image).

If you haven't used layer masks before, the only important thing to know is that black will erase and white will add.

So with my brush tool (shortcut B) selected and set to black, I can go around the image and erase all of the parts I don't want.

If you have a steady hand and a tablet/cintiq you can do the same job a little quicker with the lasso tool (shortcut L) by selecting any unwanted area and simply pressing delete

Once I've removed all that needs to be removed, I see that there's a little slice of her hair that needs to be added. I can change the brush colour to white and paint it in.

Done! Easy!

Okay, let's switch off this layer for now, and switch on the one beneath it.

This is the layer I want to make look like the Brindleton Bay sea. So I'll make sure to pull an image of the water up as reference for colour.

This time I'm going to create a layer mask using the polygonal lasso tool

It's easy.

Find the lasso tool in the tool panel on the left of screen (the third icon from the top - or by pressing L on your keyboard)

Left click & hold, and a menu will pop up. Select the polygonal lasso tool.

Click around the area you'd like to mask, in my case, the sea. Tip: if you hold down the shift key while clicking, you will be able to create perfectly straight lines.

Click on the layer mask button at the bottom of the layers panel (pictured)

Everything except the selected area should disappear!

A small thing here, but I don't want the reflection of the rock in the water in my picture. I'll select the layer (not mask), take the eyedropper tool (shortcut i) with the sample set to all layers, and use a soft brush (B) to paint it away.

Next I'm using adjustment layers to edit the colour of the water, to try and make the blue turquoise paradise look more like the horrible green bog water of the bay.

You'll find these next to the mask button in the layers panel.

For my picture, I'm using hue/saturation for the colour and levels for the light. you can fiddle around with any of the adjustment layers to find what works for you.

I've shown the adjustments I've made for my specific scene below, just for reference.

When I'm happy with the colours/lighting, I select all adjustment layers (shift + L click to select multiple), then right click and choose create clipping mask. This is to ensure that the adj layers don't affect any other parts of the image, just the area I want it to.

And there! My water is looking sludgy, just like I wanted.

Okay! I've decided that I'd like some texture in the water. It always annoys me that sims water looks so flat. So here's where Pinterest enters the story.

I like Pinterest because unlike Google, the majority of the images are not watermarked. You're also slightly less likely to find AI slop.

I wanted some water ripples, so I searched for something like Water Texture, found one I liked, and dragged and dropped it into my photoshop file.

From here, I transformed it (CTRL + T) by resizing & rotating the bounding box, then grabbing the corners while holding CTRL to create some kind of perspective that works for the image.

I didn't bother bringing it all the way to the horizon, because I intend to fade that out with a gradient anyway. I had to sacrifice the bottom of the image for the sake of correct perspective, but that's fine. I will crop that out later.

With the texture layer selected, set the blending mode to soft light. It blends nicely!

Now! Another layer mask! These are our friends

With the texture layer still selected, I create a layer mask.

This time, because I had nothing in the image selected first, the layer mask will appear white. That just means nothing has been masked yet.

With it selected, I find the gradient tool (shortcut G) if you press G and the paint bucket tool is activated, simply navigate to the tool panel on the left of the file, hold the paint bucket tool down and select gradient.

I'll change the colour to black, and make sure I have the foreground to transparent gradient selected.

Other settings are pictured.

I'll drag the gradient over the area I want to mask. In this case, the top of the water texture to make it appear as though it's fading away towards the horizon.

(Doubly make sure you've selected the mask, not the layer while performing this action.)

Looking good!

Time to drag the layer above your adjustment layers and create a clipping mask again.

Alright! Let's do the background.

I'll drag that image of Brindleton Bay that I took earlier into the file.

I want to place it below my sea layer, and above that original background layer (I am going to leave that untouched for insurance reasons)

Then, using the move tool (shortcut V) I'm simply going to move it to the correct place. Basically I just want the horizon lines to match up.

Tip: hold the shift key to drag an image in a straight line.

Enter to confirm.

You can see that the sky is now unfinished, but it's such an easy fix. I'll just select the sky colour with the eyedropper tool, then use the paint bucket tool & brush tool to fill in the sky.

Done!

Now - note that the sea doesn't quite blend in with the background. To fix this, I'm going to take my eyedropper tool (shortcut i) and select some of that dark green colour beneath the mountains.

I will create a layer (+ button on the base of the layer panel) and drag it above that sea texture layer I created earlier.

Then I'll create a layer mask to clip it to the sea.

I'm grabbing that gradient tool again (G) and creating a nice gradient on the horizon.

The horizon line is a little sharp, in my opinion, I want it more faded. So, using a soft brush (B) and that same green colour, I'm going to create a new layer & place it above that green gradient, this time I'm not clipping it.

Holding down the shift key, I'm going to draw a straight line right across the horizon. This helps to blend it all together a bit better.

Now! for Reflections!

Firstly, I'm going back to that sky layer with the Brindleton Bay mountains, and I'm going to duplicated by pressing CTRL + J

I'm dragging it above the sea layer, but below all of the other clipping masks. This will automatically create a clipping mask for the new layer.

Next, I'm going to edit > transform > flip vertical

With the move tool (V) I'm moving the image upwards so that the horizon lines meet and it looks like the lighthouse and mountains are reflecting in the sea.

Note: make sure auto select is off while using the move tool on a layer that lies beneath several others.

This leaves a little bit of a mess on the bottom on the canvas, which can be fixed by creating a layer mask & the gradient tool set to black, and dragging a gradient over the bottom of the image until it blends nicely into the sea.

With the mountains reflection done, I'm going to move onto the people.

I'll turn that top layer that I worked on earlier back on.

Then I'll duplicate it (CTRL + J)

Right click on the layer mask of the duplicate and select Apply Layer Mask from the dropdown. This simply bakes the layer mask into the image. Usually I try to edit non-destructively as much as possible, but in this case it's fine to destroy.

I'm going to rename this layer Reflection

With that new, reflection layer selected, I'll go to Edit > Transform > Flip Vertical, just like before.

I want to add a little water/shimmer effect to their faces, so I'm going to Filter > Distort > ZigZag

I'll just mess around with the settings here until I find something I like.

This is optional, obviously, I've done reflections in edits without doing any of this, but it just adds something a little extra to water scenes, I think.

Here's a time I didn't do that.

anyway, my sims are looking a bit crazy now, but it's fine, because I'm going to, you guessed it, add a layer mask and gradient.

But first, using the lasso tool (L) I'm going to draw around one of the characters and drag her into place. I can move the bounding box around a bit to make her shoulders meet in the right place.

Then I'll do the same for the other character.

Tip: Hold CTRL while moving, warping or resizing something for a smoother, more precise experience.

Now, I'm doing what I said I would, and I'm creating that layer mask. We know how to do it by now, right?

Make sure everything is deselected first by pressing CTRL + D

Create layer mask

Select Gradient (G) set to black

Drag gradient over bottom of reflection (If you ever need more precise gradients, you can select the round gradient at the top of the file. I needed it to blend the reflection on the right more, because the characters are not at an even height.)

In the Layer panel, change opacity to 20% (or whatever you like) and hit Enter to confirm

Using Crop (shortcut C) I'm going to crop my image, cut off that pesky strip at the bottom and just basically make the framing of the picture a little bit nicer.

And viola!

I could edit this image more, throw in bounced light, splashes etc etc but I'll leave it like this.

The only thing I will add in is a little lens flare to indicate sun, so again, I'm taking to Pinterest and searching for one that works.

Tip: make sure the background of a lens flare image is completely black. Otherwise it will be harder to use.

Below is the one I have chosen.

I'm simply changing the blending mode to screen, moving it and resizing it with the transform tool (T), and fiddling with the opacity until I'm happy.

That's it!

I made a video running through this whole process, with all of my shortcuts in the bottom right hand corner so that you can see exactly what is happening.

If there are other tutorials you'd like to see in future, please let me know!

And I'm more than happy to answer any questions!

Good luck <3

[im-not-a-sheep]

then again there's other forms of synesthesia like with smell and taste

been wondering if I have synesthesia bc I've been watching some shorts on yt (by zoesthesia) talk about some of her experiences and she described a colorless kinda movement which relates to me but idk if I actually have it bc it's only really triggered by music not sounds (i think) so idk if it has to be sounds or if it still is considered synesthesia with music

[shiningmystic]

A peek into your soul PAC

If you don’t believe in souls then this isn’t for you!

。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。° 。°

You may not know yourself as well as you think; Your soul is its own thing, separate from your ego and higher self but is apart of the whole that is you and your energy. It's also only a peek into it so don't be too hung up on the minor details, just have fun! If it doesn’t resonate sorry man! Maybe next reading :)

If you see me describing you, then your pretty aligned with your soul!

How to choose a pile: Pick your favorite superpower and head down to your paragraph. You can choose a second one too if you’re a multi powered superhero 😉

。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。° support me on my journey: [Ko-fi]・❥・[Tip me] Channeled songs: My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski

Flight ➳

Channeled colors: Blue, white, grey

You're a creator at heart, a fool on his journey of awakening. I see hard work isn't for you or your soul. you're a slow mover, a trendsetter someone that holds an explorer's heart and the imagination of a child. you seek freedom in all its forms and a person who enjoys the finer things in life. you take your time and like to do what you want; you're not stubborn but may enjoy sitting around at times when things are going to slow and get boring. Your soul is actually full of surprises, and it advises you to stand up and work on the vision you want even if it may take a while; just feed your soul along the journey like going on adventures and you will be fine. Always keep building what makes your heart dance. Your soul sees through a lot of the ‘fake’ in reality, you do not lie to yourself if you can help it. A wisdom permeates from your soul, an old knowledge ready to be released through you, never be ashamed of the chaos for we are made by it. A beautiful wild mess I hear, and someone is laughing in my ears. You bring joy, speak your truth, wisdom flows out.

。°。°。°。°。°

Super strength ★

Channeled colors: the rainbow, yellow, orange and red

You have been wronged and your soul remembers; it fires up whenever something unjust plays out in front of you. Your soul is the flame, a fire that burns so bright that you are unavoidable especially in the darkness where you shout to the heavens how things should be different. Your soul desires unpredictability and a monotonous life is the complete opposite of what your soul seeks. Do you deserve a good life? it depends on you and no one else. you're the fighter, the warrior, you know you have the power you just need a direction to point it in. You're not afraid to be the thief and conniving villain if someone forces you in that position and your soul reminds you of this, that you hold destruction at your fingertips and also creation. Follow the sight of the unjust and see where your flame takes you. Your love is magical and to powerful that it even hurts you sometimes; you're explosive, a bloom of a different hue; never water it down to fit into the background. Your soul owns the world, do the same.

。°。°。°。°。°

Duplication ❋ ❋

Channeled colors: Bronze, blue, and black

Your soul is liquid fire, molten lava descending from a volcano. Your soul says you know where you're going, stop looking so far ahead that your brilliant mind clouds what is destined. I see a wise old old soul, something I can't even fully understand, but you do, you know it deep in your gut. your soul looks upon you like a child, but a child they feel conflicted by, as if the lessons from the past keep repeating, and the pain follows along. your soul absorbs it all but needs to be channeled properly out through physical action like exercise. Your eyes are powerful, have you heard your eyes are windows to the soul? well your soul is intimidating yet also very loving when given the chance, the energies are so flip flop it makes me believe you might not believe this. Psychic abilities might plague this pile, to the souls who understand take your time and see your tears are not unreasonable but come from a deep knowing, for your deep soul harbors many things for the people its loved and who it will love. Many witches will pick this pile and even if you aren't, you hold a dark kind of magic; not the one on T.V but magic that goes back to instinct, intuition true witchcraft type shit. A compass inside is leading you, but it doesn't mean it's always straight line and it may lead you somewhere unexpected; just know you aren't in the wrong place. Your soul knows you shouldn't rely on your foresight to know what will happen but your will to learn more about the world. your fear may hold you back, but fear isn't the one living with the consequences, you do; so, let your soul exist in the sound of music, the colors of the sky and the love in your heart.

。°。°。°。°。°

Telepathy ⚜

Channeled colors: pink, purple and blue

Your soul sings a melody that is irresistible, seekers of your love or presence will want a taste of your delicious soul. It may sound disturbing, but you feed the sick and lonely, the helpless and the needy. even if you may not like it your soul exists to radiate acceptance and healing, you may even be a sexual healer but that does not apply to everyone because it not even that exactly. If you enjoy music or like to sing or play an instrument, your soul expresses itself through it best; whatever helps you express do it more. Your soul is childish if you aren't, it is. it holds onto the precious things that you held dearly when you were young. your soul leaves room for everyone it can but this can be overwhelming. souls are learning along with us, accept what may be and walk along knowing you know what you need. I feel an excitement for the world, again your soul is young or has a beautiful and youthful understanding of reality that you may not even grasp yet. an innocence that wants to be shared. You are beautiful your soul says, you make me sing louder when you know it. Don't let the song lead you to far away from yourself but let it show you how amazing you are and to grow from there.

。°。°。°。°。°

Healing Factor ❤

Channeled colors: pink, red, yellow

Uh, I'm honored to come in contact with such a powerful soul. Your soul is stuck in the ‘in between’, a place of life and the beyond. It doesn't hate being there though, but you may feel it in different ways. I believe the dream walkers have picked this pile; you guys have some vivid dreams huh? Even if you don’t, your heavy sleepers. your soul is so connected to both sides so when you sleep it does its own thing and just dips into other realities. this may sound cool but I think many people here have physical ailments or issues that it's contributing too (not the cause but it’s contributing, just to emphasis). some of you have heavy mental issues that do not have to stem from trauma but born with it, even if you have been through something your soul carries a wound from your ancestors. i see your soul seeking something, going back ‘home’ and coming back to your body, trying to help you heal or find something to help. Your soul is happy when exploring and going back to ‘home’ its like going back to your roots so maybe that’s a message for some good back to your roots. There is a call from your soul to go back to reality as well and face something with you whatever it may be and accept what is; your strength, your beauty and that fear will not rule here, you’re not alone. you already know a lot about your soul (that’s what I’m hearing) so your personality is probably very aligned with your soul's energy. nice your souls are pretty chill and being the healing pile the vibes do add up.

Decks used: The Wild Unknown Archetypes by, Kim Krans, and The Original Rider Waite Tarot deck

[fuck-customers]

🦈🐘🐩🐇

I absolutely HATE the way customers at work think it’s normal to start guessing my ethnicity. The only time it doesn’t annoy me is if someone genuinely thought I was from the same country as they were. Like when Indian people think I’m Indian it’s okay.

But when a white person or Latino person incorrectly guesses that I’m Indian it makes my fucking blood boil, and then they start making even more wrong guesses. “Are you Persian ? Are you Middle Eastern? Are you Egyptian? Are you Native? Are you from Guatemala?”

No, no, no and no. What’s with the guessing? Why does it even fucking matter?? If I can be frank, it seems like white men & latinos of any gender are SUPER OBSESSED with guessing where people are from. And sometimes they start guessing things that aren’t even countries or ethnicities- like Latino people constantly trying to guess if I’m Jewish or Muslim (two very different things but apparently they’re the same thing to white Latinos because they both have dark hair + big noses)

Some of them have literally confessed into my face “oh it’s the nose and the hair, and your skin tone” Oh so you just confessed to racially profiling me based on my fucking nose.. And not to mention it’s highly racist that they want to act confused that I’m not middle eastern as if only middle eastern people have unique noses.

It’s like they’re basically saying this to me through a series of questions and responses:

wait you’re not middle eastern???? You’re not Jewish???? You’re not from IRAQ?’?!!?,,,, BUT I THOUGHT PEOPLE WITH BLACK HAIR AND BIG NOSES ARE ALL FROM JEWISH AND MIDDLE EAST. MY BRAIN IS BROKEN I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS… WHERE ARE YOU FROM THEN??? YOU MUST BE SOME SORT OF NATIVE PERSON?? NO?? OK THEN YOU MUST BE FROM GUATEMALA BECAUSE THATS THE ONLY LATIN COUNTRY WHERE PEOPLE HAVE SUPER DARK HAIR AND BIG NOSES? AM I RIGHT? DID I GUESS YOUR RACE CORRECTLY? NO??

I guess I’m the only one who was taught by my parents that probing anyone on their ethnic background is fucking rude? It’s also the fact that they are not saying things like “oh you’re so pretty, where are you from?” they are asking me where I am from just point blank. It’s weird.

I know there’s a word for this kind of thing, when people guess your ethnicity based on the size of your head or the shape of your nose.. but it’s 2024 what the fuck is going here? No one should be that stupid to believe only Persians or Guatemalans have big noses. The whole thing is just fucking stupid man.

-Pissed off Cashier xoxo

Posted by admin Rodney

[ejzah]

A/N: A random little fic about Deeks once again proving people wrong.

***

Prove You Wrong

“Table of five for Deeks!”

“Here!” Deeks calls out, navigating through groups of people towards the front of the restaurant, Sophia in his arms and the rest of the family right behind them. At five in the evening, their local Mexican restaurant had a full lobby and a small group waiting outside.

It takes a minute to get everyone settled, and situate the two high chairs for the twins between Kensi and Deeks.

“Do you want to get Caleb and Sophia the kids tacos to split with rice and beans? Last time they devoured them.”

“Maybe we should get two this time, because I’m not sharing my burrito,” Kensi says. Rosa leans over to whisper to the twins.

“Don’t worry, I’ll share.”

“Fank you!” Caleb pipes up, patting her hand.

“Such a show off,” Deeks teases. “So maybe—”

“Excuse me.” An older guy, maybe in his early seventies steps into Deeks’ line of sight. A quick scan confirms he’s not a criminal he’s come across before, and he catches Kensi’s eye to see she’s done the same.

“Are you Marty Deeks?” the man asks a little uncertainty.

“Yes,” Deeks answers slowly. “Who are you?

“I thought so. Deeks isn’t a common name.” The man nods, looking relieved now. “I’m Mr. Anderson. Jerry Anderson.”

It all clicks together and Deeks flashes back to 1997.

“I was your—” Mr. Anderson starts to say and Deeks nods this, finishing for him.

“My twelfth grade history teacher. I remember.”

Thirty years ago, Jerry Anderson had a head full of black hair and a strict demeanor that Deeks naturally clashed with. He looked a lot different now with silver-white hair and dressed in a t-shirt and jeans instead of his perfectly ironed suit. Not to mention the slight hesitation before he said anything. The man Deeks remembered never had a problem speaking up.

“Is this your family?” Anderson follows up, eye roving over Kensi, Rosa and the twins.

“Yeah, my wife, Kensi, our daughter Rosa, and our twins, Sophia and Caleb,” Deeks says, feeling odd introducing them to a man who seemed to hate him for the better part of a year.

“Nice to meet you,” Kensi says, shaking Anderson’s hand. To anyone else, she sounds perfectly polite, but Deeks can tell she’s reserving judgment until he tells her otherwise.

“Nice to meet you,” Rosa echoes. Her gaze constantly flicks between Deeks and his old teacher.

“Good for you. That’s really wonderful.” Anderson looks like he actually means it. “If I remember correctly, you wanted to study law after high school.”

“I teach and I’m a lawyer,” Deeks confirms, then, because he can’t help himself, he adds, “Guess I didn’t become a dead beat after all.”

Kensi’s expression shifts to one of disapproval, and Deeks gives her the smallest shake of his head before she can intervene.

Anderson sighs regretfully. “I treated you pretty harshly sometimes, maybe unfairly, but I just wanted the best out of all of my students. You included. With your background...” He pauses. “I’m glad to be proven wrong.”

“Yeah, me too.” Deeks smiles wryly.

“You haven’t changed a bit,” Anderson observes, eyes roving over Deeks with something like disbelief and maybe a little regret. “You look just like the head-strong teenager I taught all those years ago.”

Caleb chooses that moment to loudly shout “wice” and knock a spoon off the table. The strange trip back to the past breaks and Anderson chuckles, patting Caleb and Sophia on the back.

“I should let you get back to your dinner. Right, young man?” He turns to Deeks again. “Congratulations, Marty. You have a beautiful family.”

“Thanks.”

With a final nod to Kensi and Rosa, Anderson leaves. There’s a few moments of silence, and then Rosa leaves forward and bluntly states,

“That was awkward. Did he really say those horrible things about you?”

“Oh, that was probably one of the nicest,” Deeks jokes. “We did not get along well. At all.“

“Clearly he’s an idiot,” Kensi says, punctuating the statement with a crunch of a chip. “He is right about one thing, though.”

“What’s that?”

“We made a beautiful family together.”

“That we did,” Deeks agrees. He glanced behind him, but doesn’t Anderson anywhere in sight. He shouldn’t care, but he does feel a small amount of satisfaction for having proved yet another would-be mentor wrong.

[strniohoeee]

Envious

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader (chubby reader)

Synopsis: Y/N just hates her body, and although the triplets try to make her feel better some hate comments get to her. But Chris is there to make her feel better🫂

Warnings⚠️: None she cute asf or whatever 🤭

Song for the imagine: Jealousy, Jealousy-Olivia Rodrigo

I’m so sick of myself

I’d rather be, rather

Anyone, anyone else

I hated how scrolling through instagram made me feel. Perfect bodies, white teeth, long healthy hair, perfect boyfriends…..just everything I’ve ever wanted. I tried not to fall down this rabbit hole, but it never worked out.

I would scroll and scroll until I felt physically sick. I would then exit out of instagram and stare at myself in the mirror pointing out everything I hated about myself. My skin oily and acne prone, my hair boring, my eyebrows too thin and light, my lips not big enough, my nose huge, my body disgusting. I hated my body with a burning passion.

Curves are good but not my curves. My curves are considered fat and unattractive.My breasts too big, my stomach not flat…bending over and seeing “rolls” God I fucking hated it. My thighs too big, my ass not fat enough….it's brutal. I'm not sure why it mattered what my body looked like. I also wasn’t sure why I cared so much about what people thought of me. I hated it, and I tried to hide myself away and shelter myself from any mean comments.

I tried not to be in the triplets videos because I saw the way some of these “fans” treated Madi, and that girl is perfect….I could only imagine what they would say about me. They even body shamed Chris and it was insane to me. They talked about it in a video saying that body shaming was disgusting and it doesn’t matter what people look like, we're all humans and all our bodies are different. I agreed, but I couldn’t believe these things about myself.

Chris so badly wanted to film a TikTok with me because we both were wearing the same FreshLove shirt, and black pants, and at first I rejected it, but after some convincing I decided to film it with him. I sucked it up and decided to have fun with my friend.

“Okay let’s do the “she wish there were two of me” trend, and like I’ll say it, and then stick my hand out and you’ll slide into frame and high five me” he said

“I love that trend, let’s do it” I said laughing

He set up his phone and started recording, lip syncing

“Walk in that Bih with with that Loui V” he said, and then looked over at me backing away from the camera

“She say she wish there were two of me” he said backing up and high fiving me as I came into frame

We started dancing, and he slung his arm over my shoulder “she fuckin, she know what she doing, B” We sang laughing and dancing

We finished filming and he posted the TikTok. For once I actually wasn’t scared of him posting me because I genuinely felt cute in my outfit today. My FreshLove shirt was cropped and I had my favorite pair of flare leggings on.

“I finally got you to film with me” he said jumping around

“Yeah that's a one time occurrence” I said laughing

“Oh come onnnn so many people want you in more of our videos” he said looking at me

“Yeahhhh, but I don’t know sometimes your guys fans are a little mean” I said looking down

“Yeah well fuck those haters those aren’t fans” he said scoffing

Later on that night Chris, Matt, Nick and I were in their living room playing board games while some random movie played in the background. We were all having a great time until I got a text message, I looked at my phone to see my best friend texting me

My baby🥹

-Hey babes….Im not sure that you’ve seen the comments under Chris video with you, but they’re disgusting and don’t let that shit get to your head

My heart sank immediately, my breathing getting shallow, my throat constricting and my palms getting sweaty. What the fuck is she talking about….

I opened up TikTok and went to Chris' video opening up the comments….my mouth instantly going dry

-“I know she didn’t crop a FreshLove shirt when she’s fat🤣”

-“I hope Chris isn’t dating her, that's actually sad….he must be desperate😗”

-“Why does she think she’s so hot??? Like what am I missing LMFAOOO”

-“oh that’s not- LMFAOO WHAT IS THIS GIRL DOING”

-“makes sense why she isn’t in the video anymore….she really let herself go”

-“Is that Y/N??? When did she gain so much weight??”

These comments made my stomach churn, and my face burn with embarrassment. The one day I feel cute I’m completely torn apart by these so called “fans”

“Chris you have to take that video down of us” I said looking at him

“What?? Why I love it” he said

“Just take it down” I said

“I love that video too don’t delete it” Nick said

“I don’t want it up” I said avoiding eye contact

Matt pulled out his phone to open the video, he opened the comments and immediately his eyes were saddened

“What the fuck” he said scrolling through the comments

Chris snatched the phone from him reading the comments

“This is fucking disgusting….Y/N don’t believe this shit okay” he said looking at me

“How can I not? These are things I see too, and to have your followers point them out is making me feel disgusting” I said

“None of this shit is true okay” Nick said looking at me

“I just want to be left alone right now” I said standing up

I went down to Chris’ room where I would stay when I spent the night. I laid on his bed. Letting the comments replay in my head. My heart racing and my breathing getting deep……I was starting to have anxiety about the comments and slowly I allowed myself to cry

The tears just flowed like a stream. I tried not to let these comments get to me, but it’s hard when people are judging you on the internet and they don’t even know you. I was letting out choked sobs, trying to cover my mouth to control my sobs. This was so unfair.

I heard the door open, so I figured it was Chris. He shut the door behind him, and sat at the end of the bed as I cried

“I know you don’t want to talk and that’s okay, but I want you to listen to me” he said

“I know it’s hard to not believe what people are saying on the internet, trust me I do, but I want you to know that those comments are from a bunch of children being haters okay. None of that shit is true at all. You’re a beautiful, funny and kind souled person” Chris said

I started to calm down, allowing my tears to stop, and trying to control my breathing.

“You don’t have to change for anyone okay. Stay true to yourself. You are amazing and don’t let these haters behind a screen get to you” he said rubbing my leg

“Thank you Chris” I said in a whisper

“Of course Y/N. I’m always here for you” he said smiling at me

I wiped my eyes and began to sit up

“Follow me” he said getting up, I got up and followed him to his bathroom

“What are you doing?” I asked

He walked into the bathroom and turned the lights on

“You’re going to stand in the mirror and look at yourself, you’re going to point out what you find unattractive about yourself, and I’m going to tell you why they’re beautiful” he said standing behind me, and placing me in front of him

“Chris no…” I said looking at him through the mirror

“I’m not letting you leave till you do it” he said shrugging his shoulders

“Ugh fine” I said looking in the mirror, at my swollen eyes, the tears down my face and my lips swollen

“Let’s start with your hair” he said

“I hate it…..it’s boring it’s flat it’s ugly” I said

“Wrong! It’s beautiful. It’s long and shiny and you take the best care of it. It always smells so good” he said looking at me

I just looked at him blushing slightly

“Go on” he said nodding his head

“My eyebrows…they’re so thin and light….and my eyes the color is ugly” I said

“Wrong again! Your eyebrows shape your face beautifully, and your eyes are gorgeous. The way the sun hits them and they sparkle, and the way your lashes are so long and showcase your eyes beauty” he responded

“Do we have to keep going?” I said blushing

“Yes you must” he said

“I hate my lips they aren’t big enough, and I hate my teeth and my smile” I said

“Your lips are pretty. Always glossed, always plump and full. And your teeth….your smile is my favorite thing” he said

“Are you flirting with me?” I said

“I may be” he said giving me a sly smirk

I started to smile and roll my eyes

“Look at that beautiful smile” he said pointing at me

“Chris shut up” I said giggling

“Keep going” he said nodding

“Uhh I hate my boobs they’re too big” I said avoiding eye contact

“Umm I’m going to be careful with my words here, but uhh a real man will never complain about big tits, and I happen to be a real man” he said looking at me making a funny face

“I like how you say you’re going to be careful with your words, and then say some crazy ass shit” I said laughing

“I meannnn I could say something way worse, but I’ll keep that for another time” he said winking

I rolled my eyes at him

“I hate my stomach” I said fidgeting with my hands

“Remember when we went to that museum, and we saw all those sculptures of Aphrodite and those renaissance women and they all had bigger stomachs. Well there was a reason, bigger women were the beauty standard at one point, and the most powerful beautiful women were on the thicker side. I think a woman with meat on her bones is hot. I mean I love all women, but the thicker the better” he said

I just stared at him in awe as I blushed

“Keep going” he said

“I hate my thighs, and the fact that my ass isn’t as fat as it should be” I said

“Let me tell you something, thick thighs save lives, and I live by that okay. The bigger the thighs the better, and so what if you don’t have this crazy huge ass. Your ass is great. I’ll be vulnerable here…I sneak a look any chance I get” he said throwing his hands up in defense

“You creeper” I said laughing

“I can’t help it. When there’s all this woman in my face I just go dumb” he said looking over my body

“You have a way with words” I said sucking my teeth

“It’s all honesty though. Like I said you’re beautiful inside and out, you’re a kind soul, you’re nice, you’re funny, you’re hot….I mean you’re everything a man could want” he said

He came up behind me wrapping his hands around my waist and squeezing me tight, laying his head on shoulder

“Never let anyone tell you otherwise” he said looking at me through the mirror

“Okay” I said in a whisper

“Now give me that beautiful smile” he said pouting

“Shut up Chris” I said laughing

“There it goes!! My favorite” he said smiling with me

He turned me around and pulled me in tighter

“You’re amazing I can’t stress that enough” he said

“Thank you Chris” I responded pulling away from the hug

“Let me take you on a date” he said looking at me

“Okay, yeah I’d like that” I said getting shy

“Don’t get shy on me now Y/N” he said lifting my head up with his chin

“Lets go out tomorrow” he said looking at me

“Sure Chris” I said smiling

He smiled at me before wrapping his arm over my shoulder pulling me in and kissing my cheek

“Now let’s get back to having some fun” he said as we walked out his bathroom and he shut the light off.

We went back up to the living room where we continued to play games and watch movies. These guys were amazing…especially Chris

The End

Alright guys I hope you liked this one 😚 and I honestly think I’m going to open up my requests because I’m all out of ideas as of rn��� LOVE YALLLL🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[buck-tick-stash]

Subrosa Tour 2025 Live House Report

(General information about preparing for and attending Buck-Tick live house performances here.)

Has their costuming ever been so uniform?!!

They've always dressed to a theme, but each costume was individually styled with different fabrics and textures. Sometimes the theme would be harder to see if not directly told. No matter the theme, Imai's selection was always flashy with a colors that challenged the set.

But now, a simple cotton print of the same pattern adorned them all. Each had their own style, of course, but the color and print were very evident on each member.

The back of Yuuta's jacket showcased the clearest example of the print: A bright yellow sun against a white and black background, with two black cats chasing each other around the diameter, and a Buck-Tick logo to the side.

Hide's came like a cross between a half-jacket and a stole, swing in the front and back on the right side of his body, clipped to his shoulder with a green strap.

Imai's were floating forearm cuffs held up by bright pink suspenders that showcased his guns. When he lifted his legs for kicks and dances, his calves could be seen in the same style cuff.

Toll's shoulders donned oversized leg-of-mutton sleeves.

After seeing setlists for the concert hall tours last year which omitted some songs, I was pleasantly surprised to hear all the songs from the Subrosa album. With the simpler staging of the live house, backgrounds to the songs were often simple geometric designs or just color. Gabriel no Rappa was probably the most intricate, showing rolling clouds racing through the sky. However, when the instrumental songs were performed, the movie visualizations were shown instead.

All the better opportunity to watch the boys themselves!

The show started softly with Hyakuman Naruta no Chiri SCUM, a single spot light on Imai singing, with each member given a light as the song went on, the audience rapt.

The mood swung sharply with Subrosa, as Imai called the audience to have fun and start bouncing.

When not singing or focusing on the synth keyboard, Imai readily moved about, dancing and kicking. For several songs, including Tiki Tiki Boom and Cream Soda, he would mug at the audience, sucking in his lips, wagging his tongue, or straight up flipping everyone off.

Hide took up much of Sakurai's antics, teasing the audience with the reach of his hand, shaking his hips or turning around fully to grab his own ass in full view of the front row.

Yuuta also came to the front several times to rock about, also turning to shake his own bum a bit, and even exciting the audience with a rub on Imai's shoulder. It was a particular pleasure of mine to watch him close his eyes to concentrate on Shinkeishitsu na Kaidan, as much of the mood of that piece comes from the bass.

Toll, as usual, kept his head down and in full concentration throughout the show, but I was delighted to catch him lip syncing a bit to Ignighter.

Speaking of, Imai sang his part as normal while the audience readily took up the chorus.

I'm sorry to say I don't remember which song it was, but during one, lasers sat in the air just over the band's heads, giving the illusion of them in a boxed-in space. (Reports from other audience members complain of getting them at eye level near the back of the venue, so be careful of that, depending on the venue layout.)

I thought I would be too distracted surviving the crowd to cry to Tasogare no Howling. Alas, sweat was not the only thing wetting my face. The entire audience was still for this one, and it almost felt like a praise and worship song, save for the lack of hands heavenward. For the instrumental ending, Imai absolutely shredded the guitar with full skill and rage. I was certain I was seeing a man wring every last drop of emotion into the instrument.

If it becomes possible, I hope to get a copy of this tour’s iteration of Cream Soda. The track of Sakurai’s vocals can be heard in the background, but it’s the instrumentation that struck me most, harder and darker than ever before.

I wonder if it’s a preview of what Buck-Tick 2.0 will be after this mourning period. 💓

[foursaints]

I NEEEEEEEDDDD your Regulus Black hcs. What is he like in your head??? Is he a perfectionist???? Is he downright insane?????? Which Sturniolo brother is he????? I need details on EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

omg to start im not really a Regulus Blogger... i love him ofc but hes usually only in the background to my rosekiller. and i love all the regulus characterizations i read (more than my own sometimes tbh)

my controversial take is that my reggie is tall 😔..... he's small growing up but now he's the same height as James. who has a sort of furious, lustful conniption every time he wants to make a snide comment and remembers that The Baby Black is now a perfectly grown 20-something with unimpressed eyes and the world's unfairest aristocratic jawline

he and sirius both have that ethereal, feylike house-black thing going on, except sirius is prettier and more striking and softer and more girlish. like snow white. regulus looks every part the conventional pureblood heir: dark and austerely handsome and fine-boned and patrician. the thickest eyelashes.

undisputed leader of his friend group but not on purpose. reggie sees himself as this unappealing boring loser (the opposite of sirius) but he just has this? ineffable main-character thrall? once he's in your life you just want to die for him

he didnt mean to have the skittles but reggie can't help collecting outcasts & freaks like hes putting easter eggs in a basket. they really love each other but sometimes i see the slytherins as being a far more exaggerated version of the marauders perceived "roles": regulus as james (undisputed leader), barty as sirius (sexy ride-or-die), rosier twins as remus & peter ("nerds" 1 & 2)

very very tender and sensitive. perhaps more so than sirius

my reg is fastidious and organized and ALLEGEDLY an insane compulsive control freak like evan rosier. he has repressed every emotion he's felt for the last two decades under a cooly unbothered facade. except the difference is evan never slips up and regulus is having hysterical meltdowns into $5 chili's bottomless margaritas at least a couple times a month.

like he's eating a pint of ice cream alone in his car scream-sobbing to Since U Been Gone after he broke up with barty for the 800th time. #evanwouldnever

much love and respect to grumpy emo regulus but that is not my reggie... my reg is an posh antisocial City Gay drinking an extra dry martini at a gallery opening on the upper east side and scowling. wearing a fuzzy cream sweater and $800 loafers with no socks. his back hurts and he wants to go home

i fully believe he could survive being dropped in the alaskan wilderness with 0 supplies he just seems like he'd do whatever it takes to Survive etc. just like crafting a spear with the most "it is what it is" look in his eyes. wouldn't even faze him.

my modern au regulus works running one of those little stuffed animal hospitals repairing teddy bears and thats really important to me, personally,

[pinketine]

My #1 fear is probably Kendrick going out sad like Kanye

Isn't that anyone's fear with their fave lol? Luckily I don't think that'll happen because Kanye's downfall is the result of many different traits and circumstances that Kendrick simply doesn't have/hasn't experienced. They both started from relatively similar backgrounds but they have different attitudes to life and shit.

More under the cut because I really got into psychoanalysing these grown men I don't know

The biggest reason for Kanye's downfall is his own ego. He's an unbelievably talented person who's influenced other equally talented people, and his name is permanently cemented in music history, and he knows this all too well. And he's never taken the time to properly humble himself. Kendrick Lamar is equally aware of his own talent and skill, but he's introspective, and takes time to check himself. Kendrick "Kendrick is not your savior" Lamar would not make I Am A God. Like I do love Kanye's introspective songs but he never takes a good long hard look at himself for too long. He just assumes he's right, and surrounds himself with people who think the same, pushing away practically everyone who criticises him. This circle of yesmen and sycophants is how we got Vultures 1 and 2. Literally nobody says "no" to that man anymore. Hell, his own fanbase even contributes to this effect. Kanye fans can be damn near brainless sometimes with how much they don't want to criticise him because he made music they like or something. (Or because they're neo nazis.)

They also have incredibly different public personas. Tying into his aforementioned ego, Kanye is brash, and loud, and never hesitates to say what he's thinking for better ("George Bush doesn't care about black people") or worse ("There's A LOTTT of things I love about Hitler"). And this ego makes it so he's stubborn to a fault, never backs down properly even when he's wrong because he thinks he's enlightened or some shit. Kendrick, in heavy contrast, is more reserved. That isn't to say he hasn't had his controversial moments (the one I can think of best is when he brought up that white girl to rap with him), but even then, he clearly reflects and learns on it. Part of Kanye's downfall is his various controversies over 20 years, as they prompted many people to distance themselves from him, and Kendrick just wouldn't do even close to half of them. When Kendrick feels like someone's been snubbed, he talks about it on a song (Killer Mike mention on Hood Politics). When Kanye feels like someone's been snubbed, he storms the stage and takes the mic from the winner.

Speaking of controversies. I should probably elaborate on Kanye's worst controversy. They obviously have VERY different political beliefs. Kendrick Lamar talks about watching the daily news and hoping the 2016 election results weren't true on LUST. Kanye wore a MAGA hat. That alone pretty much tells you everything about where their heads are at. While Kendrick is very much a leftist, Kanye had been spending several years going down the alt right pipeline (I once heard someone say he'd actually been on the antisemitism shit since Yeezus era, but don't quote me on that. Would explain the New World Order mention on New Slaves). So while Kanye's views used to be more left leaning, they definitely no longer are. That isn't to say there isn't antisemitism in leftist spaces, like there absolutely is, and that isn't to say Kendrick hasn't said questionable things before (him calling himself an israelite on YAH.) but definitely not to the extent Kanye took it. He recognises that his own bigotry can't slide just because he's black, like on Auntie Diaries. And of course, Kanye hasn't really properly backed down. Hence, the several questionable Jewish lines on Vultures. He's so convinced he's right.

So PR wise. Kanye clearly doesn't have a PR team otherwise they would've killed themselves a long time ago. And Kendrick is at an all time high right now, in a way Kanye never was really.

So let's talk music. On his AMERICA HAS A PROBLEM remix feature, Kendrick criticises AI, and it's clear he isn't fond of it at all. This is to be expected, this man doesn't even like rappers having ghostwriters. He's passionate about his music, and he wants it to be his, and from him. I think Kanye's lost pretty much most of his passion for music. Like don't get me wrong, he's delayed albums before (several albums have been delayed by either close to, or over, a year!) but it was clear he had a vision, and he put a lot into them. And even the ones that were imperfect upon released he went back and tweaked (The Life of Pablo and Donda). He cared deeply, constantly experimenting and pushing his sound to its limits. Vultures 1 was... simply bad. For a Kanye album. It might've been alright for another artist but put it up against the rest of his work. Does that shit sound My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy quality to you? Or I guess, Kids See Ghosts since it was also a collab album. Either way, incredibly lackluster.

And Vultures 2... WELL. I've mentioned it before but I'm on a Kanye discord server and the day it dropped people begged me to not even bother listening to it. On. A Kanye server. Made up of fans of his music. People begged me to not listen to Vultures 2. And there's like no surprise, the album sucks shit. It's badly mixed, and Sky City got dug out of Yandhi's desecrated corpse and had AI slapped on it. Ye-I (or KanAI) has pretty much been haunting Vultures 2 because the album is already sloppy but using AI is an incredibly cheap trick, especially when it's of Kanye himself. Like what? Are you too lazy to rap your own shit now? Like yesterday 530 (a song that was half fucking mumble upon release) got """updated""" to have AI in it as well when there was already a finished version he performed at an LP. It's genuinely just pathetic, and not something Kendrick would do without serious compromise of years long established values.

I should probably also mention Kanye's... instability. For lack of a better word. I'm gonna preface by saying this clearly his mental health isn't making him do this shit like some evil puppeteer, but it has an incredibly strong influence on him. As we all know at this point, Kanye has been diagnosed with bipolar (although he has gone on record to say it was a misdiagnosis fabricated by "them" (guess who "they" are...) to silence him, and actually he has autism. Not sure to make of the autism thing.). And while Kendrick has talked about struggling with mental health, Kanye's been fighting a pretty depressing to watch war against his (he's literally had a mental break live on stage before). His life is basically ruled by instability thanks to it (and his grief due to him losing his mother way too early) in a way that Kendrick's simply isn't. Not to mention his several addictions. None of those things make Kanye a bad person, or the sole cause of why he does the shit he does, but mixed with his already egotistical personality, it causes a lot of his beliefs to be compromised (for such a devout Christian he ain't very Christ-like) a lot of the time.

And I just don't think Kendrick would spiral in a similar way. If I had to guess, he'll just bow out gracefully by retiring.

TL;DR They're two incredibly different people with incredibly different artistic visions. Kendrick's probably gonna end up with a damn near flawless discography by the end, which Kanye could've also done if he retired at Donda the way God intended.

[amoresdahlia]

You're My Savior When I Fall

John Munch x Dahlia

A/N: Dahlia is Korean, so any Korean sentences in any chapter or story will be written in Hangul, Romanized for pronunciation purposes, and translated as well :)

AA/N: 아이고/aigo and 와아/waa are the equivalent to oh dear/oh my/oh my god/anything along that sentiment.

AO3 link here!

one | two

“You’ve had a long day. Take the day off, the rest of the squad and I got it down for you and Munch.” Dahlia couldn’t help but smile at Cragen’s comforting words, laughing at Fin’s “Yeah, let them start smooching in the squad room, why don’t you?” in the background. “Much appreciated, Captain. I’ll let Munch know, and tell Fin I have a little stash of that candy he likes so much.” The call goes silent for a brief moment before Cragen comes back with “He’s happy now, thank you.”

They exchange a few more pleasantries, and Cragen ends the call saying, “We’re here for you. Talk to us if you need anything.” As they hang up, Dahlia thinks that maybe Olivia might have mentioned something to him. She doesn’t mind, it’s something that they should learn eventually, but doesn’t feel fully comfortable speaking about it herself. She wasn’t gonna stop Olivia if it meant easing the others into a long conversation about her past.

She does her morning routine: showers, makes breakfast, feeds her two cats (a black Burmese named Damien and a white Turkish Angora named Nova), and ends her morning standing on her apartment complex rooftop with a cup of freshly made coffee. The sky is overcast with grey and the promise of rain. The familiar smell of humidity brings a smile to her lips. The events from the night before flash in her mind.

“I don’t understand, I thought you died.”

“I promise I’ll explain.”

“Guess I should call him over.” She sighed and made her way back into her apartment. 

Once inside, she sat at her couch, staring at her phone. Dahlia had done many hard things. One of those moving across the country to get away from her mother. And yet, reaching for the phone to dial John Munch felt that much more daunting. They’ve talked before. Engaged in playful banter, exchanged some thoughtful advice to one another, even participated in the occasional flirting from time to time, to Fin’s dismay.

This felt different. Maybe it was that they knew who they really were now, after all this time. 

“That shouldn’t change anything now, should it?” She asked herself.

Dahlia was about to reach for the phone when it rang, startling her out of her mind and cried out a quick “아이고! (aigo!)” before huffing and answering the phone.

“Myers.”

“Geez, you answer your home phone the same way you answer the phones at the precinct?”

She hated the way her heart fluttered. “And what about it?” She shot back, standing from her couch and made her way to the kitchen, holding the phone between her shoulder and her head as she washed the dishes she used up.

“Harsh, you wound me.” John said, feigning pain as he chuckled. Dahlia rolled her eyes, grateful that he couldn’t see the way her cheeks began to grow a soft pink.

“I assume Cragen called you?”

“Yeah, something about needing the day off and Elliot crying that he was gonna have to babysit Fin all day.” 

Dahlia laughed at that. “Please, with the way Elliot gets easily riled up, Fin’s gonna be doing the babysitting.”

“Ah, but you forget that Fin likes to enable sometimes.”

“True, true.” She sighed, growing a bit anxious that they eased into a comfortable silence. She kept herself occupied with the dishes, knowing she had to say something soon. How was she gonna go about this situation? Hey John, I know I said I would tell you what happened, and now it’s the next day, so you should come over so we can talk and maybe make out- 와아 (waa), Dahlia, tone it down–

“Dahlia, you there?”

Crap. “What?”

“...Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. 

“Right, and I’m the new President of the United States.”

Dahlia couldn’t help the giggle that came from her mouth, rolling her eyes again. “I promise, I’m okay. What were you saying?”

“I was saying I would like to meet with you today, if that’s alright.” Her breath caught in her throat as John continued, “I want to talk about yesterday. Would it be okay if I stopped by your place? I’ll bring some takeout and some wine, how does some chardonnay sound?”

“Oh I dunno, I’m more of a pinot grigio girl myself.”

“Well let’s take this as a chance to broaden your taste pallet. I’ll stop by around 4:30.”

“That sounds perfect.” Dahlia glanced at the clock on her wall, noting that it’s 2:30. “Gives me time to look presentable.” There was silence on the other end. Sensing some hesitation, she decided to give him a little push. “No quip for me, detective~?”

“Well, I was trying to find a way to respectfully say you always look good, but I can’t seem to find my wording.”

Her face immediately warmed, as John’s laugh rang through the phone.

“야아! 그냥 그렇게 말할 수는 없죠! (Ya! Geunyang geuleohge malhal suneun eobsjyo!/Ya! You can’t just say that!)” She said, knowing full well that he doesn’t understand what she's saying.

“See you in two hours, Myers.”

They hung up, and Dahlia threw herself face first onto her couch. Her place wasn’t a mess, and she doesn’t take too long in the shower, so she let herself be flustered over John’s words for as long as her little heart can handle. She does eventually get over it and take a shower, where her previous energy shifted into something more nerve wracking. Logically, she knows that the conversation should be somewhat easy. All she needs to do is explain what happened after her apparent death, and that’s that. But that’s what scared her. John, while a strong and level-headed man, felt deeply with all his heart. Life definitely left him cynical and jaded, but when things hit too close to home, you could always see the way his eyes would shine with hurt. Dahlia hates that this is gonna cause him that.

Meanwhile, John drove a route that he found too familiar, a bag of burgers and fries in the passenger seat. He’d been going through last night’s events. From Olivia showing him the picture to Dahlia confirming that it was her.

Dahlia coming into the precinct to join their squad was like a breath of fresh air to John. She was smart, witty, but tough and guarded. Overtime, he felt proud of the fact that she’s opened herself to him just enough to gain her trust, and he returned that trust to her willingly. His heart broke all over again, now knowing that this beautiful woman with a glowing heart of gold was that same little girl he had let down before. The one who looked at him from her front porch, silently pleading for his help. He pondered if he even wanted to hear what she’d been through, if he could take that kind of guilt. And yet, the longer John thinks it over, the more certain he is that he owes her this much.

Did she live a happier life away from her mother? Was she placed in a loving home? Could things have gone better if he just pulled his head out of his ass for one second? Daunting questions that ate at John’s consciousness as he pulled over once he made it to her apartment complex, running a hand over his face.

Standing outside her apartment door, the numbers 1117 staring him down as he raised a knuckle up to knock. He gave a few gentle knocks against the door, and waited patiently as Dahlia came to answer the door. “Hey, John!” She said with a smile, and John detested the way his heart flipped in what was supposed to be nothing but a hollow cavity in his chest after all his failed divorces. “Hi.” He muttered, stepping inside when Dahlia motioned him to come in. 

“Brought some fast food, hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, I was craving something like this.” She shut the door, looking at the bag in his hand. “No chardonnay?” She teased, smiling wider when John sheepishly looked at his free hand. “Oh, uh- I changed my mind, alcohol probably won’t go well with this.” He said with a shrug. Dahlia nodded in agreement as she headed into the kitchen, pressing play on a radio that sat on her kitchen counter and set the volume to something pleasant for both of them. “Take a seat on my couch, I’ll bring out something to drink.” 

Over the course of the following three hours, their meal turned into a comfortable discussion about their work, their coworkers, and their captain. Gentle words turning into laughs at the jabs they threw out at their partners’ expenses. The banter died down as John grew a bit more serious.

“What happened that day, Dahlia?”

It was such a simple, yet loaded question.

She picked up her trash and put it in the discarded lunch bag, avoiding John’s gaze as she readied her thoughts. Giving him a brief glance, she saw him look at her with such understanding and patience, it eased the nerves in her heart and amplified the guilt instead.

Dahlia opened her mouth, and everything came out. The start of the abuse, the days she spent looking at him in a silent plea, and the day she was thrown out the window. She didn’t mean to, but she ended up going into great detail. She couldn’t help it.

“I lay in the hospital bed, praying for the pain to stop. I would cry in agony, and my father thought I was crying because the physical pain was too much. In a way, he was right. I was in surgery for a long time, the glass had cut into me so deep and embedded itself deeper when I landed on the ground.

What he didn’t know is that the physical pain was nothing compared to the ache I felt that day in my soul. My own mother tossed me out a window because I breathed wrong. Later that month, my soul died when I heard what she had to say. How much of a pain it was going to be to buy a new window.” She scoffed, shaking her head. John scooted closer to sit right next to her. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, taking hold of her trembling hands. “I didn’t do anything to help you, I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head, her eyes focused on the floor. “I hated you, you know.” Her voice shook, and John felt his heart stop. “For a few years, until I was a few months past my 15th birthday,” she continued, “then I understood. Being a teenager really sucked. Your body’s changing, your mind is developing much more, and it’s just a hard time adjusting with expectations being set on you.” Dahlia gave John a sad smile. “I realized I wasn’t being fair to you. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You were a growing kid, you had your own issues going on, I’m sure.” She didn’t miss the way John’s gaze fell just a bit, but she didn’t comment on it. If he wanted to tell her, he would. That much she knew. “So, I got over my hurt and disdain for you, and moved on. An estranged aunt of mine on my father’s side took me in, and we moved to Korea at the start of the 70s, then we came back to the states in ‘87.”

“Any word on what’s going on with your mother now?”

“She died back in ‘90.” She said with a shrug. “That’s when I decided to come out of hiding. I had been looking into going to law school, was doing some internships as a paralegal for some shady law firm, ended up taking some courses and landed a job at the precinct.” Only then did she process that he had been holding her hands. “That’s where I’m at now.” She breathed, noticing just how close he was. John must have noticed too, because he cleared his throat and let go of her hands, much to Dahlia’s disappointment. “You have warm hands.” She blurted out, unable to stop herself. John’s eyebrows raised in amusement as she covered her face, mildly mortified. “I did not just say that, you didn’t hear that come out of my mouth.” She muttered, taking all the trash between them and getting up to throw it out.

John followed close behind, glass cups in hand as he scoffed in disbelief. “Come on, Myers, we’ve definitely said worse to each other, and a comment about my hands being warm sends you over the edge?” He moves to stand beside her as she wills the rising blush in her cheeks to go away. “I didn’t wanna say something that could potentially make you uncomfortable, John.” She keeps her voice low as she takes the cups from him. “I repeat, we’ve said worse.” John emphasizes. He opens his mouth to say something when he feels something nudge at his leg. He looks down and gasps at the sight of Damien, the cat he’s become familiar with. “Oh hey, bud!” He bends down to pick him up, and Dahlia feels her heart melt. “Does Dahlia not give you enough attention?” He coos, and she shoots the cat a slight glare when he seemingly purrs in agreement. “Please, he falls asleep on my chest every night, he doesn’t give me room to reject his cuddles.” John listens as she rants, finishing up the dishes, when he says, “Huh, never thought I’d ever be jealous of a dang cat.”

John sets Damien down, and the cat wanders off to possibly annoy Nova, leaving the two alone as Billy Joel’s Vienna provides a soft ambience. Dahlia had just put the cups in their respective cupboards when John comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, putting his chin on her shoulder. “I really am sorry.” He mutters, tightening his hold on her ever so slightly, almost as if he were afraid she’d vanish from his grasp if he let go. Dahlia turned in his hold and wrapped her arms over his neck. “I already told you, you have nothing to be sorry about. It’s not like you told my mother to throw me out of the window, did you?”

“Well, no-”

“Did you personally do it yourself?”

“I might as well have.” He used that tone where he had gotten too into his head. “I’m so unbelievably happy to see you here, to be able to hold you right now, but the guilt I’ve felt is never gonna go away.” 

“Well, you’re gonna have to try to make it,” She pulled his head down just a bit, so their foreheads touched, “because I’m here. I’m right in front of you, alive and breathing. Can you learn to let go of the girl from back then and learn to love the woman that stands before you?” John looks her in the eyes, seemingly searching for something. Anger, disappointment, maybe even a hint of resentment. Instead, he finds compassion, warmth, and something else. He lets himself be delusional and that he sees love in her eyes. 

Unknowingly to the two of them, they strayed away from the counter and began swaying back and forth to Billy Joel’s song. The lights are dim, the traffic from outside has miraculously dulled into nothing but background noise, and John is playfully singing along. Dahlia laughs, a bit louder than he’s used to, and he promises on the spot to never make her feel anything less than that joy ever in his life.

The song ends, replaced by Bee Gees’ How Deep Is Your Love, and the mood subtly changes. They don’t stop dancing, Instead, they improvise on the spot and move around her kitchen with a bit more vigor. They keep swaying until he puts a hand on her waist and the other holds her  hand. Neither of them know what they’re doing, but they’re having the time of their lives. He twirls her around to the song’s whimsical and melodic sound, and she can’t help but smile wide at this. This is the most genuine they’ve both felt in a long time. Dahlia sees the way John’s eyes sparkle in the dim lights, laughing at the way they both dance without a care in the world. Nothing else exists outside of them. She winds up back in his arms for a few seconds, until he places both his hands over her cheeks, his thumbs caressing her cheekbones. 

As the song comes to an end, she’s looking at him like he’s someone precious, and he doesn’t think he can handle that. He starts pulling away. “I should go.” He whispers. Dahlia’s eyes go wide, and something comes over her. She places both her hands on the back of his neck and pulls him in for a kiss. The kiss is full of passion, sensuality, and longing on both their parts. He doesn’t pull away. He places one hand on her waist, the other coming up to cup her face again. She puts a hand on his shoulder as the other comes up and gently grips his hair, eliciting a soft moan from him that goes straight to her core.

They pull away from the kiss, reluctantly, as they’ve both run out of air in their lungs. They’re catching their breath when Dahlia whispers, “Spend the night?” and John doesn’t have it in him to say no. Not when she’s looking at him with tear-filled eyes.

“Don’t cry.” He rubs a thumb along her cheek once more, noting how she seemed surprised that she’d begun to cry. “I’ll stay. I’ll be here, and I won’t leave you alone.”

Once the radio is shut off, the cats are fed for the night, and they’re in bed, Dahlia lays with John in her arms and his ear pressed against her chest. She doesn’t question it, and John’s grateful for that. He closes his eyes, a fragment of the guilt in his heart eroding away at the sound of her heartbeat. It’s loud, it’s strong, and it’s there. She’s running her fingers through his hair, her nails scratching at his scalp. Her hands are on him. She’s breathing softly underneath him, her heart’s beating in his ear and she’s here. With him.

“Will you still be here when I wake up?” She asks, her fingers stopping, but she doesn’t pull them away. John looks up at her with a soft smile. “Wouldn’t dream of leaving.” He said, sincerity laced in his words. Dahlia blinked away the tears that sprung to her eyes. “Good.” She resumed gently scratching his scalp as he rested his ear against her chest once more, both of them lulling each other into a peaceful slumber.

The following morning, they both walked into the squad room, holding coffee and breakfast for the rest of the team. “Good morning, everyone~!” Dahlia set the drinks down for everyone to grab when they were ready, while John went around giving them their meals. Fin and Elliot exchanged looks, perplexed by their chipper mood. “Who are you two and what did you do to Munch and Myers?” He half-joked, taking a cup from Dahlia’s desk. Olivia gave them a knowing glance, attempting to hide the smile from her face. “Leave them alone, you guys.” She called out while John immediately started calling Fin a crazy conspiracy nut.

“Seriously though, are you two okay? I know that last case was a bit much for you two.” Elliot gave Dahlia a gentle pat on the back while looking at John in concern. “We’re fine, thank you.” Dahlia handed Elliot his coffee as Cragen came out of his office, holding up folders. “Alright, enough chit-chat. Narcotics are handing their case over to us…”

[ivanttakethis]

Before Round 18 (Part 2) - Tov’s Log

Onyx (?) vs. Lang (?) -> ??? Win

————————————————————

Sleep did not come easily to Tov.

Just as she feared, a dying Lark haunted her dreams.

She had his face cradled in her hands.

He was looking up at her, smiling softly, and for a moment he wasn’t himself.

His hair was brown and messily braided.

His skin was darker and freckled.

His eyes were green and knowing.

“Congratulations.” Tallis whispered.

Tov awoke with a strangled yell, still wearing her dress and glass heels.

She gave up on sleeping altogether after that.

Two guards came to her door sometime around sunrise.

They said her presence was required for some kind of interview.

Tov knew better than to ask questions.

It never resulted in any answers.

She was granted a few minutes to change, before being led out of the dorm.

The guards took her to the main Alien Stage complex and through a series of underground tunnels; twisting and turning, this way and that. She didn’t even try to keep up with how many lefts or rights they took.

Finally, they reached a heavy black door with a keypad next to the handle.

The guard on Tov’s right entered in a passcode, while the guard on her left obstructed her view.

The keypad made a short beeping noise and the door unlocked with an audible click.

“Inside. And sit down.” One of the guards instructed.

She shuffled into the room and sat in the metal chair closest to the door.

There was a metal table in front of her and an identical chair on the other side. Fluorescent lights lined the ceiling. The walls were white and bare.

The door shut firm behind them, locking in place.

Tov was all alone.

She wondered if this was how isolation felt. It wasn’t padded and there was some furniture, but it was quiet and windowless, with no way to keep track of time.

After an unknown amount of time, the keypad beeped, the lock clicked, and the door swung open again.

Tov looked up to see two AREPH agents enter the room. She immediately recognized one of them as Agent Pol, the same agent that interviewed her after Solei disappeared.

Agent Pol walked in with a determined look pinched in her brows, her eyes set behind black sunglasses.

But the other agent, taller with a bulkier build, looked hesitant.

“Hello, Tov.” Agent Pol said her name like a curse. “I’m Agent Pol from the AREPH. Do you remember me?”

Tov nodded.

“Good, that makes things easier. This is my partner, Agent Irin.” She said gesturing to the other agent.

“Hello.” Agent Irin nodded. He looked to be sweating under the bright lights.

Agent Pol took the chair across from her while Agent Irin remained standing, tense in his shoulders and stance.

“We have a few questions about what happened to Subject-012864.” She said.

“Lark.” Agent Irin added.

Tov already knew Lark’s identification number. She knew all of her classmates’ identification numbers.

“Let’s start with some background. Did you know Lark well?” She said his name like a curse too.

Tov shook her head. “No.”

They’d only interacted a handful of times in Anakt Garden. She couldn’t remember them speaking at all during the competition before their round.

“Do you know who he associated with?”

“Noora.” Tov said immediately. She knew there was something or other between them.

She couldn’t imagine how Noora felt now that Lark was dead.

I should say something next time I see her. Maybe I could apologize?

Aside from Noora, Tov couldn’t remember who else Lark spent time with. “I don’t know of anyone beyond that.”

Agent Pol scribbled something down in her notebook, writing in a language Tov couldn’t read. Likely on purpose.

“The day of your round, when did you see Lark?” She asked.

“I saw him first at breakfast, but we didn’t sit at the same table.” Tov recalled. “After that, I didn’t see him again until right before the round started. We left our dressing rooms at the same time and walked to the stage together.”

More writing.

“And what was his condition like when you saw him before the round?”

Tov wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to forget it. Those hazy golden eyes were burned into the back of her mind.

“He was… sweating… and his eyes were unfocused.” She said.

Agent Pol raised an eyebrow, “You didn’t think to say anything?”

The question hit Tov like a punch to the gut. Her eyes started to sting again.

I’ve asked myself the same thing so many times.

I still don’t have an answer.

Agent Irin sighed wearily, “Agent Pol…”

“I’ll withdraw the question.” Agent Pol said, her words clipped. “Let’s get to the reason we’re here then, shall we?”

Her smile was sharp. Tov resisted the urge to narrow her eyes.

What’s this all about then?

“The AREPH has opened an investigation into Lark’s death.” She said. “Although we’ll have to wait for a full toxicology report, his preliminary autopsy suggests he was poisoned.”

What the—

“Poisoned?” Tov echoed, bordering on disbelief.

“Yes. We believe he was poisoned.”

No.

No no no no no.

How could this have happened?

We’ve been watched like hawks since Round 15.

Was it a guard?

A member of production?

Another contestant?

Tov mentally shook her head at the last thought.

No, that couldn’t be it.

Lark was docile. Harmless.

But what if Lark wasn’t the intended target?

What if it was me?

She sucked in a breath, a sinking feeling blooming in her stomach.

What if Lark died because someone wanted to kill me?

“—Tov?” Agent Irin called.

Tov stumbled out of her thought spiral, looking between the two agents, “Yes?”

“Agent Pol asked you a question.” He said. She could hear a tinge of concern in his voice.

Tov looked back at the other agent who was already lookin at her. She could feel the weight of her scrutinizing gaze, even behind her glasses.

“I asked if there were any of your classmates that could’ve wanted to harm Lark.” She said.

No one came to mind. Not even Daiki.

For as much as Tov was loath to admit it, Daiki was a strong singer. Lark wasn’t a threat to her.

“No.” She answered, sure for once that she was right.

“I assume that includes you?”

Tov furrowed her eyebrows, “I beg your pardon?”

She tried her best not to sound indignant, but the question was asinine at best and insulting at worst.

There was no way Agent Pol just asked her if she wanted to hurt Lark.

Tov hadn’t seen footage from Round 17, but she probably looked like a fucking mess after he collapsed.

He practically died in her arms and she was asking if Tov was the reason he did.

“Were you confident that you could beat Lark?”

Ah, that was it.

She wanted Tov to say she was better than him. More talented. More worthy of living.

Tov wasn’t going to play that game.

“You saw the scores.” She said in lieu of a concrete answer.

Agent Pol’s forehead wrinkled briefly, before smoothing out as if nothing had happened.

“Answer the question.” She pressed.

Agent Irin interrupted, “You don’t have to—”

“She does.” Agent Pol cut him off, not breaking eye contact. “And she will.”

They were at an impasse, neither side wanting to concede.

But only one would be punished for it.

Tov couldn’t afford that. She couldn’t be isolated when Nyx was performing.

What if he needs me and I’m not there?

She set her jaw, muttering through gritted teeth, “Yes.”

It felt horrible to even say.

But Tov knew she’d be called a liar if she said no.

77 - 22

69 - 31

They weren’t rounds won by slight margins.

There was a reason everyone kept calling her the “Star of Season 39”.

She hated it.

She hated it more than anything.

Minori… Lark… Forgive me…

The room fell silent while Agent Pol wrote. The growing length of her paragraph mocked Tov.

She wished her glare could burn a hole through the paper.

“What about that other contestant your close to… Himei?” The way Agent Pol said her name almost made Tov’s eye twitch. “Is she confident in your ability to win?”

She thinks Himei had something to do with this?

Not possible.

Himei wouldn’t hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. And Lark didn’t deserve it.

Tov didn’t hesitate to answer, “Himei knows I can win.”

Her tone left no room for further discussion. She was tired of the agent’s bullshit tactics.

Agent Pol seemed to find her response amusing. It set Tov’s nerves on edge.

“Very well,” she said, closing her notebook. “That’s all for now.”

For now? Oh joy.

Tov looked to Agent Irin, “Am I free to go?” She asked.

The agent seemed surprised by being addressed directly, startling at her question. “Uh, yes—” He straightened his posture, “There should be a guard outside to take you back to your room. Follow me.”

Agent Irin entered a passcode into the keypad and the door unlocked.

Tov rose from her chair to follow him out, but Agent Pol spoke again before she could.

“You should know, for the time being, every contestant will be restricted to their dorm rooms.” She said. “Any and all interaction is prohibited. Punishment for those who disobey will be severe.”

Tov simply nodded and followed after Agent Irin.

Divide and conquer. She thought as the door closed behind her.

They’re trying to make someone crack.

————————————————————

Tov dreaming about Tallis, but not in the way she wanted 😔

Lark and Tallis are so similar that Tov’s unconscious is melding together the grief she feels about each of them.

And with the new restrictions, there’s no way for Tov to talk to Noora about Lark before her round. It’s a repeat of Flor and Minori all over again.

She can’t even call Wren now, probably when she needs encouragement the most *deep sigh*

Wren: “Just hang in there.”

Tov: “I’m really fucking trying, girl.”

Lark and Noora belong to @kamersona.

Tallis and Himei belong to @lookatmysillies.

Solei belongs to @solei-eclipse.

Nyx belongs to @rockwgooglyeyes.

Minori belongs to @minori-dash.

Daiki belongs to @daiki1k.

[eltanin0]

I just found this blog and I noticed that a lot of your stuff seems, well, oddly 3D. I don't mean like in a bad way but it feels like rendered but untextured 3D models? I kinda want to ask what your art process is (sorry for mini-rant)

thanks for checking out my blog! and no need to apologize for anything.

hmm, my art process. honestly i have no idea what to say, i dont know how people normally answer this question so i cant base it off anything either. i'm still kinda new to this whole art thing but i'll try and answer, super sorry if i get this completely wrong and this was all a waste of time.

i guess i'll just talk about how i draw things step by step? for the high effort pieces at least.

ok, so for starters like step 0. when it's a high effort piece, i can already see the image in my mind. i see the pose, i see the general lighting, the layout of stuff, but it's a bit blurry. if i cant see this mental image, the drawing usually comes out extremely poorly.

this is kind of an example of what i see in my head? this might be all useless info idk, but this is i guess where i start.

well step 1 is just the sketch and line. i start with just sketching the general shapes, then slowly refining it until it fits close enough to the image in my head. then in the line layer i'll fix any mistakes the sketch had and add more details to it. oh and for brush, it's just a round brush, like default. i dont know how much of a difference using a drawing tablet does, but i dont use one so... yeah.

i should've put more effort into the sketch for this drawing, but i did not.

next i do flat colors. pretty simple, i just select the smart select the outside of the line layer, invert the selection and now i can't paint outside the lines. i dont really think about what colors i use, i just use whatever the characters normal colors are.

next i do the shading, but first. i duplicate flat layer and recolor it to like a cream color

like so. for high effort pieces, i was told online to shade in pretty much black and white. now actually onto shading. there's 2 kinda shading i do, 1 from the proper light source, and 1 that's kinda just a shadow because things are close together (like corners and stuff). and i'll shade them on separate layers so i can adjust them individually however i want. oh right, i'll either use a very dark color, pretty much black and the the layer blending mode set to multiply. or i'll use a light kind of gray, tinted slightly yellow or something and set the layer blend mode to difference. then i just use a soft air brush and shade in the ways i described above. shading from regular light source, and the corner stuff thing.

normal lightsource - - - - - corner thing

then toggle both layers on and mess with the opacity of each layer until you get what you want.

then you can toggle the normal flats layer, the one that has color and it should apply the shading decently. you can mess with the opacity again on the shadows.

next i do lighting. i just grab a very light color, usually pretty close to white and set the layer blend mode to overlay. then i use a soft airbrush and "light" it? idk i just do like the opposite of the normal shadows, lighter the closer it is to the light source

mess around with the opacity as usual. then i do pretty much the same thing if there's another light source. in this case there was a blue light kinda coming from underneath, so i did that.

now from here i would go back to the flats layer, make a copy, and mess around with different layer styles and properties and settings. sometimes just messing around is useful. in this case, i felt it was too bright and colorful, so i decreased the brightness and saturation of it.

i think it helped a little bit but who knows.

now i do some kinda highlights and details. i grabbed the colors that were in the background and used those. it was a weird pale blue. i had 2 layers for this, 1 of them was specifically for his antenna things at the top, and one was just for his "skin". anyway, the antenna layer was normal, just kinda gave it an outline with the random reflective circles you see normally in pictures, no thoughts behind them. the skin tho had the layer blend mode set to soft light, i thought it looked best this way. it was just more random things to imply it was slightly reflective.

together the layers looked like this. i think it makes him look glossier which is what i was aiming for.

next, and it pretty much the end for pebbles, i got someone to look at it and let me know if they think anything was missing. they said it looked a little unsaturated. which it does. so i made a new layer, set the blend mode to saturation, grabbed the airbrush and made it pretty inline with the lighting layer.

that's kinda it. the background i didnt really care about, just drew and colored it. blurred it a bunch and added a bunch of shadows. i did add some like, "overshadows" is what i call it, i just draw some big shadows down the screen as the top layer.

but yeah thats literally everything i did to draw this. i would like to apologize if this was not at all what you wanted to know, i'm certain i've screwed this up bigtime. super sorry for wasting your time. if there's anything i can do to help, please ask. i owe you a proper answer to your question, i'm just really dumb. sorry for rambling. sorry. and sorry if the drawing i used for example didnt showcase what you wanted to know.

also, i really like your art! please keep up the great work!

[snek-panini]

I'm trying to get the last of my Binderary projects posted, so today we have books #8 and 9, Fault Lines by Marabelle123. This is a long canon compliant Good Omens fic (pre-second season) that I've had on my to-bind list since I started making books three years ago. It's unfinished and had its most recent update in early 2020, but based on how the existing story feels I'm fairly sure it was close to the end and feels complete enough to be satisfying. It's very in character and captures a lot of the specific feeling from the pre-miniseries fandom, that the relationship between the leads defies all definition. They're as close as it's possible to be and their relationship has teeth sometimes but their bond is as undefinable as it is unbreakable. Give it a read if that sounds like your thing; it's excellent.

The cover for this one is made of two colors of faux leather, cut at a diagonal with no overlap, with the title in silver foil htv. I've never done a cover like this before but I'm in love with the result. It feels very sleek and sexy and modern compared to the more vintage elements I usually favor. And I didn't have enough of either leather to do two full books, but I still wanted to use them and have the volumes match. I think it was an elegant solution.

More pics under the cut! I tried some new stuff with this one.

You may have noticed above that this is a Coptic bind, my favorite for unfinished fics because of the "out" option it leaves. If the author ever returns to it and posts more chapters it would be fairly easy to take out the stitching and add more signatures. I still stand by this motivation, but after a silence of four years and no response from the author when I reached out for permission to bind it I'm reasonably sure this is it for the story. That let me try out some stuff I'd be reluctant to do if I was planning to add pages. Have a look at the spines:

Sadly I couldn't make the page count work with a single volume, since you can't do much to mitigate spine swell in a Coptic bind, but the volume split let me do some long stitches in the center that look like wings. There are plot-relevant feathers in the fic, so it's fitting. I thought of sewing one of them in white for that sweet Good Omens balance feeling, but I didn't think it would pop against the white paper and would leave the set looking unbalanced so I stuck with black on both. To get the pattern right I cut out a wing shape the same width as the spine and traced it and poked holes for the outline, then flipped it for the second volume so they'd be mirrored. You can also see that I did something different at the head and tail, more visible here:

This is a Coptic endband. I found out these existed a couple of months ago and absolutely had to try them. They're woven into the signatures and cover with a separate thread, after the rest of the stitching is done, and they're supposed to add some stability to the wiggly spine that you always get with these books. Unlike other types of endband, they don't have a core. I had a lot of trouble with them and had to pull out the first one and redo it with a different thread (embroidery floss is better than crochet thread for this) but I have no regrets about the finished product. They do stabilize the spine some, though not as much as I'd have liked. I really like how they (and the longstitch section) dress up a Coptic spine. I've always thought the plain ones were a little lackluster for how much work they are, but I love all the texture and interest this one has. Would absolutely not do black on black again though. Very hard to keep track of which thread I was supposed to sew under against a black background. I'll be using a contrasting color next time.

Interior photos. The doublure on the inside of the cover is a striped lokta (I think; it's been a while since I bought it). The title page image is a free-to-use image that I found on I think Vecteezy. Unsurprisingly, given its title, a big theme in this one is underlying cracks and misalignments that the characters don't realize are there until there's a massive disturbance, and that's why I had the text on both the title page and the cover not line up. Things are slipping, things are cracking, and there's extra work to be done on both sides if you're going to stabilize or rebuild. Comparatively, the typeset is quite plain and simple, with only two fonts, no chapter header image, and no section break images unless the break falls on the last line of a page, in which case there's one gray line. I think it's well-suited to the story; there is a bit with an illuminated manuscript, but mostly the characters are busy introspecting in between managing crises. They don't have the time or the energy to dress things up prettily.

And that's it on Fault Lines! As I mentioned earlier, I reached out to the author on Ao3 for permission to bind but never received a response, so I really hope they don't mind that I made these. I love their fic, and I love the bind I made.

[gwydionmisha]

In which I go on at length about problems with politics and representation in Disaster/Apocalypse/Epidemic type movies and a thing I noticed tonight about certain pre-disaster montages and what they say about the American Imagination

If you know me, you know I watch a lot of movie and TV with end of current civilization/end of the world/etc. type stuff in them. I also just generally watch a lot of epidemic/outbreak movies and documentaries. My dad and I loved watching science fiction/horror together. I grew up reading things like this, both fact and fiction. I was a plague watcher from before I heard of the disease that would eventually get called HIV. I was a 14th century specialist as an adult.

I don't much care for certain types of apocalypse/post-apocalypse/disaster stories. I have been avoiding nuclear ones since the '80's because of the way they got used in propaganda in the Reagan era, though I make exceptions for the right piece of media. also atomic horror genre things going all the way back to the '40's tend to be super ableist. Again, there are exceptions. I remember a book from my tweens where the main character had physical differences and was trying to survive an ableist genocide by the able bodied. No idea what the name was, but boy has it lived rent free in my head for 40 years, because this was so humanizing in a genre that actively dehumanizes anyone with a more diverse body. (A lot of this subgenre is thin able bodied white straight cis people doing terrible things while framed as the "good guys.")

I don't much care for most straight up disaster movies either. Again, there are exceptions. Most of them are the same handful of dull stock characters doing the same types of things over and over with the movie or show relying on the special effects to make up for the lack of interesting main characters or world building if there are aliens or the like, and often lots of right wing propaganda for everyone for themselves and only a certain type of man can save us.

There are really good alien invasion or horror/science fiction or straight up disaster stuff that IS good. Generally those are the ones with well written intersting characters, more diverse main cast, interesting world building, and/or sometimes with characters with disabilities or more unusual backgrounds.

Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of crap out there. You watch a lot of zombie media and you run across some stunningly overlty racist and misogynistic examples and a whole lot of erasure again of diverse bodies. On the other hand, there's good ones out there too. Romero centering black leads and talking about racism from the jump and all the other movies and shows made in a variety of countries and times that use the oppurtinity to talk about racism and/or misogyny and/or classism and/or domestic violence and/or fucked up things in their government or culture. It's still rare to see disabled characters having adventures, but boy do I love it when they do. Some of it is right wing propaganda, some of it is about mutual aid, some of it is how people can get away with criticising the government in a more authoritarian leaning country.

It's a mixed bag with more room for me in it, if that makes sense.

Plague stories are like that too.

I've watched so many documentaries on disease outbreaks and epidemics over the years, read books about real ones over the centuries. I really fucking care about public health infrastructure for a reason. Being from the eighties, I think a lot about how biases in those in power shape response to disease and public health funding and infrastructure. Whether it's classist or racist or queerphobic or ableist bias it kills. I was furious about hospitals turning sick people away or admitting them and not only failing to provide medical care but letting them die of thirst because they didn't "want to waste resources on people like that," but I wasn't even a little bit surprised.

There are quality based on a real series event ones from a bunch of countries that do a decent job on characterization, talking about what was good and bad about the public health response, and do a reasonable job of frepresenting both science and how people can respond in a bunch of ways in crises.

There are really good fictional ones I love and rewatch periodically because they are so compelling for one reason or another. The range of more or less likely varies wildly. So do the underlying politics. I loved the sean Bean Black Death from the second I set eyes on it. Same with Contagion which I saw in a theater when it was new. Also a Korean one made before COVID and also clearly based on current (correct as it turned out) thinking about how the next really bad one would happen. I winced when the guy put his mask back on dirty side in early on.

(There's one I watched as a kid a bunch of times, but forgot the name of that I search for forlornly every few years, because I'd love to see if it was as good as I remember. It's disease transmission sequence has been in my head since I first saw it: A kid in a (I think) snowy playground picks up a dead bird. Mom comes over, collects kid. Mom holding unwashed hand, buying something in a store with cash touched by unwashed hands, which the cashier handles, etc.. It was made likely in the early '80's, after Romero's Crazies and you could tell. I'm not sure if it was a remake or an inspired by looking for a more realistic feel. Anyway, wish i could rewatch it).

Reguardless of whatever crashed the old world, I am a sucker for the ultra rare soft apocolypse (where they spend most of whatever it is rebuilding, usually with a diverse group of people cooperating to make things better) or post-post-apocolyse (ex: Mira Grant's newsflesh), but I'm sucker for it whether it's zombies or a more realistic disease type. This types less likely to be ageist. More likely to have living people with disabilities. More likely to be anti-fascist and or anti-authoritarian. Again, more likely not to have one boring white man automatically in charge, more likely to be ensemble cast and diverse on a bunch of axises. There's lots of room for more of these stories. Just saying.

So I was a watching a plague show I hadn't seen and it had a tiny "before the end of life as we know it" montage that so many of these things have. Sometimes these montages are done well (Quiet Place: day One's opener with the facts about decible levels over the city is my new gold standard. For a lot of other things too, obviously. All three Quiet Place movies are on my favorite alien invasion short list). This was one of the lazier openers I've seen.

Look, I get why people doing the montages show a busy city at rush hour full of cars and a generic people walking on crowded city street shots. It short hands existing state of civilization. It gives contrast to when we are later following a survivor or small band of survivors around in a few minutes. It's a gtrope for a reason. You can do it well or you can do it lazy. You can throw in iconic landmarks from some cities around the world to make it clear it's a global disaster even if you are going to be only showing or referencing a limited area. You can just show a few shots of just one recognizable city were some or most of your action is taking place to orient your audience. you can use the things you include to make particular points (like the decibles in day one already mentioned). I'm not angry at the trope itself; I'm angry at the lazy.

This particular pre-apocolypse montage had one generic cars in city shot, generic people walking in a crowd shot, and one incredibly cliche New york stock exchange shot. I was literally wondering if this was all stock footage to save money. They then cut to the forest. This did not look like, say, upstate new york or Jersey Pine Barrens woods. This sure looked West Coast to me: The mix of tree species and rocky scrub, the rattle snake. You follow. There is a really long bridge I associate with the west coast in general and looked suspeciously like the one between san franscisco and Oakland, which I have been on. A little later things sure look like Nevada, but I've never been to Nevada, so I don't know whatthe non-los vegas towns look like exactly, but I assume that's where this was shot. (Note by later me: I went back and looked it up a few paragraphs after I wrote the above, and the bridge was indeed that bridge. The actual city was Vancouver B.C. and most of the other locations were B.C.. the bit that sure looked like Nevada was a town I'd never heard of in Nevada and environs. I was like, I supose they could be shooting on the west Coast for cheap, but maybe are pretending New York and New Jersey? It was haunting me, so I looked it up. Location matters for what I'm about to say).

I kept forgetting to watch the screen because I got hung up on the way so many of these things use a brief shot of the New York stock exchange to short hand civilization. Do they even think about the messaging there? They don't represent civilization with people packed into a theater (play or movie) or a stadium (music or sports), or a landmark (art and architecture and/or advanced engeneering) or a school (education) or a factory/restaurant/retail/other job (work) unless those things part of the apocolypse or where a character will be when the disaster hits. They represent it with capitalism and not just any capitalism. It's capitalism that represents inherited rather than earned wealth, that tends to benefit the already rich and screw over everyone else. It's not just capitalism, but specifically American Capitalism. Not even just New york Capitalism, but Manhattan Wall Street Capitalism. It's super specific. Apocolypse things from other countries will occationally use their country's stock exchange mixed in with a bunch of other stuff, but not that often. American ones toss it in casually all the time. Not always, but I'd bet a majority that do the montage instead of in media res openers.

It stuck out like a sore thumb here, because it was a three shot montage that cut directly to a west coast rural setting. I couldn't let go of it because every shot I saw until I came over here to write this was obviously and specifically shot on the other side of the country and I don't expect stock exchanges or high finance to come into it at any point. I haven't read the thing this was based on in decades, but from what I vaguely remember, I don't expect this to be commentary on the shittiness of the rich, like, say, Land of the Dead. (The title was vaguely familiar and the first half hour or so's plot range a bell, but I wasn't completely sure I'd read it until just now when I looked it up just now because the locations issue was still bugging me). The story it's based on was San Francisco area to start with so… yeah. They deliberately or lazily chose the New York stock exchange to shorthand civilization for a story starting in California and Nevada.

I feel like there's some kind of unintended indictment of the United States embedded in this incredibly lazy choice. One the people making this bit of media never thought about at all. I'm sure you can fill in the blanks there.

[halfsizehellboy]

wilson being primarily sensory avoidant makes so much sense to me. He’s on the quieter side, I've mentioned light sensitivity before, and he is super tame compared to house, who is definitely sensory seeking in a lot of ways. We've seen both of them forgo crowded parties or social events, either together or separately. wilson can’t keep his mask that long, and house just doesn't get along with people. I also don't think wilson likes the complexity of noise that is dozens of conversations, eating noises, background music, and appliance electricity that makes up a social dinner event. He likes to attend the talks and lectures because then at least only one person is talking. He likes it to be quiet and dark when he’s tired, and it’s the one thing he’s been able to enforce in his and house’s apartment. I think wilson’s got that light-touch aversion, so if you bear hug him and slap him on the shoulder every once in a while he’s all good. He definitely owns a weighted blanket. 

Which makes poetic sense that house is sensory seeking— his nerves are fucked from surgery and vicodin, and he doesn’t always feel stuff like he used to, but he still looks for stimulation everywhere. He blasts his music, throws his ball around, and starts arguments because that’s a fun thing for him. Sex is sensory, and he seeks that out too. He drinks alcohol because it makes him feel more that he wants and a little less of his leg. Jumping off the balcony into the pool? Sensory seeking that adrenaline rush. He spends that entire episode trying to drown out his bad feelings with good feelings. 

Their apartment is insane, and it took a long time to balance it. Their bedroom is soundproofed for many reasons, and once they’ve organized it how they like it it rarely changes (sometimes wilson will feel insane and reorganize the kitchen or bathroom). Their bedroom has always stayed the same. Wilson has a home office in the other bedroom that is always supposed to be a quiet zone, and House doesn’t take home work. They have two wheely office chairs though, because sometimes house’s leg can’t be weight bearing and he still needs to get around the apartment. There’s a designated sensory sheet, which is for hiding under or dimming lights. 

They sleep in ways that accommodate house’s leg, but wilson usually smashes his face against house’s chest/neck/back. sometimes wilson scratches his scalp more as stimming/compulsion or a habit, but it can quickly get to be harmful because it’s so often a bad times thing. if they’re at home, house will replace wilson’s hands with his own and scratch more with his fingertips than his nails, or just pets his head for a while. At the hospital he just slaps at wilson’s hands because it’s funnier. 

wilson does not have many sensory toys/fidgets or external regulation things, if he needs one he’ll usually just borrow one of house’s (with permission bc house needs to know where things are all the time). But he does have two rubbery sensory brush things (I'm projecting they're called tactile tigers. I have cried over almost losing one and I will be buried with mine. I also have two because one stays in my room and one goes everywhere outside my room) that he adores. He doesn't need them all the time but he always has one. He rubs it on the back of his neck, in his hands, all over his arms, even on his face. He absolutely keeps stealing the shot blockers from the peds wing because they’re awesome for fidgeting, and sometimes he needs one for his patients too. 

Ok, hear me out on this: I usually get tired of cgi/ newer movies because they don't interest me a lot, and I can like. Tell whats computered and what’s real. there’s less joy in it for me to figure out how they did it. I think wilson is the same way. Older movies had less tech, so they had to get creative with how they make things: jurassic park’s giant animatronic t rex, chocolate syrup blood in black and white movies, and all those other practical effects that lower/mid budget movies used to use. It’s often so much more interesting to recognize the spray painted oven mitt slug or the tinsel-wrapped terrier, than it is to see a completely computer generated creature. I am not shitting on CGI or CGI artists!! It’s super cool tech and an awesome profession!! I just have eyes that fatigue very easily, and older movies aren’t as HD ergo not as hard on my eyes. And I like figuring out how they did practical effects and I think wilson would really like that too. 

I think next i’m gonna ramble about sexy things?? I feel insane

[yarrowleef]

I thought I made a post about the Onestar's SE back in 2022 a couple months before it came out and I found it in my drafts, never posted for whatever reason

anyway, as a "pre-thoughts before reading (more of) it", how I felt was that I wasn't super excited about the idea of a Onestar book.

idk. warriors is funny for me in that even though I like messy morally gray characters in literally any other property i’m into, all of warriors (in)famous morally gray characters are just. annoying to me. in a not fun way.

Like with Clear Sky, narrative misogyny aside (bc I didn't really unpack All That until after finishing the arc) I found it completely impossible to enjoy any of his POV chapters, or...anything about him, really (I’m sure a lot of it has to do with an unwillingness to let him face lasting consequences for anything. I’ll never recover from the pure elation I felt at his mother roasting him and then the stark plummet into disappointment when five seconds later she back pedals into “it’s ok actually, what you REALLY need is to forgive yourself and move on uwu”)

the frustrating thing is, I wouldn't find this character horrible to read about in theory. I feel like nearly every action he took, how quickly he escalated things, how is ego manifests.....If I was just given a summary of Clear Sky and what he did, I could probly fill in the blanks for how he made (most of) those decisions, and I might think “that would be an interesting character to read about, especially as a POV"

and yet in practice it was Not Fun to read Ever

I think erin hunter is just... really bad at believably arguing for their characters

Sometimes it feels like someone got an outline saying “this character kicks a puppy” because that puppy needs to be kicked in order to motivate the plot. and instead of sitting down and thinking through what kind of mindset would lead to someone kicking this puppy, what kind of internal arguments are they making, how are they rationalizing it, instead they just. copy the instruction down in black and white with no expansion. Character thinks “I have to kick this puppy!”, someone else asks “why do you have to do that?? wtf is wrong with you?”, character responds with “they just don’t understand! I have to kick this puppy!” without really any delving into what made them come to this conclusion first, and every obstacle and bad consequence that comes up they just repeat some variation of that same line over and over “they just don't understand why I have to kick this puppy!!” like ok cool but do YOU even understand why you have to kick this puppy???? cause sometimes it doesn’t feel like your writers do, it feels like they are dispassionately following instructions.....y'know what i mean????

Anyway, that’s what it felt like reading Clear Sky’s POV chapters

and I suspect I'm going to feel similarly about Onestar once he enters his Bitchy Leader era. Not that he is anywhere near as bad as Clear Sky, he's not, but just that this particular feeling pops up any time the Erin's try to write from the perspective of someone acting aggressively for complicated reasons. I could envision how the things that happened to Onestar led him down the road he ended up on but I'm afraid seeing inside his head will only make the character way more brainless and shallow then he was as a sort-of background character that we had to piece together on our own