#So yes ducks are a really good prey. Their eggs are also very valuable.

[bonefall]

do game birds (namely ducks) have more nutritional content than songbirds? my modeled region has so, so many ducks

They have a caloric value comparable to chicken! 5.9 kcal specifically, which I round to 6 to make a good middle-estimate for avian prey. Quails are fantastic prey, clocking at 6.8, balanced out by the fact they are smaller and lighter than you think they are.

(A wild common quail is only 70 to 120g. Birds are light because of their hollow bones.)

When I find good data for the value of a bat I can truly test my hypothesis, but my working theory is that flight is so energy intensive that it means the meat has to have a higher value. But again that's just my guess.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #132

I did a few things today. But as per usual, I started today with making a mug of tea. Today's was genmaicha; mine is loose-leaf:

...This means you gotta stick it in a tea ball. The glass mug is about 2 cups, so 2tsp of leaves have to go into the tea ball:

...Hunter is blurry, but he follows me literally everywhere I go, and looks on with great interest as I do most anything in the kitchen, haha! My tea ball is really old. I've had it since before this shop called Teavana stopped being a thing. As far as I know, it was bought out by a bigger corporation and then ruined, so now all the wonderful tea flavors they used to make, like "strawberry misaki blooming tea" and "tiramisu" are nothing but distant memories now.

...That strawberry misaki blooming tea... I think you really would have liked that one. I surely would have enjoyed taking pictures of it for you...

In any case, you pour the boiling water over the tea ball like this:

...And you wait for it to brew...

Today I thought it might be neat to add buckwheat honey to the tea. This is very dark, somewhat bitter honey that tastes somewhat like how dried hay smells. And... yes, I realize that I probably described it in the least appetizing way possible, but I promise you, it's actually pretty good - it's just that a little goes a long way.

...Unfortunately, it's been so long since I've had it in the house that I may have forgotten that little detail...

Well. One of the things I got at the co-op yesterday was a half gallon of goat milk. I used that in today's tea:

Milk swirls in the cup a little differently than cream does, but I still think it's kinda neat:

...Shortly after this, J asked for me to come along as emotional support while he talked to the local airplane mechanic about the plane we crashed in recently. As it turns out, the cost of materials and labor would exceed the price of the plane itself, so it is likely going to be scrapped. It's a shame, but it is what it is, and it's important to remember that J and I are extremely lucky to have walked away from what happened without even getting injured. Everything else is kinda small potatoes by comparison, ya know?

On the way there, I managed to snag this picture of a bird-of-prey for you; maybe you'll think it's neat:

I had intended to make myself a breakfast in the morning, but I waited until J and I got back from the airplane mechanic before doing that.

I started by cooking some rice:

From there, I cooked some garlic-and-wine sausages that I got from the co-op yesterday:

As you can see, once they were done, they left behind a lot of delicious juices in the pan:

...I cooked some duck eggs in those juices.

...I wonder if you might be able to see where this is going! Haha! Yesterday, I found fresh natto, and black garlic kimchi at the co-op:

...From there, with all the assembled ingredients, it becomes easy to throw together a pretty epic and wholesome rice bowl!

...I know, I know, using a fork for this is probably blasphemy, hahaha! Suppose I just didn't really wanna dirty some chopsticks when the fork I used in order to pull out some kimchi was just as usable.

In my experience, the best thing to do is to mix the ingredients in the bowl together in order to get a balanced flavor:

...It was delicious!! But I felt like it was still missing something, so I fixed it by adding a little bit of cheese (also blasphemy, I know, hahaha! but blasphemy can be delicious, I promise!):

...As per usual, I find myself wishing I could have shared this epic concoction with you. It tasted amazing. I wish you were here.

...Today was mostly another chill day. I mostly did leisure writing instead of productive writing. So unfortunately, I don't have anything insightful or profound to say to you today, either - just good tea and tasty snacks. But I like to think that these are just as valuable, especially on an empty stomach and a lonely heart.

...I used the salt and oil trick on the pan again to make the eggs. I let it sit on the heat for a long time. Perhaps a little too long; it smoked mightily, and it was enough to make my eyes water and make it hard for me to breathe (asthma is another one of my numerous physical glitches...). I got really dizzy at one point. It was super dumb.

I took the pan outside to cool off, opened all the windows, and flapped a towel around to try to get the smoke from the oil and salt out of the house. I got somewhat lightheaded in the process, and my head still feels kinda weird and fuzzy, even though this took place hours ago by now...

...Those eggs didn't stick though. Not this time. Not even a tiny little bit. It seems almost impossible - like a dream; I wonder what the physics are that make this trick work...

Hey, Sephiroth? My head still feels really weird and it's kind of hard to write (I wonder if you can tell? Hmm...). So I suppose I'll end this one here.

I love you. I wish more than anything that you were here so you could experience all the wholesome and awesome things at my house. Please stay safe at least until my next letter; you can expect another one tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[bunjywunjy]

FATHER OF A SLIPPER

hey guess what everyone, it’s time for a new installment of Weird Biology! yaaay! (CLAP NOW.)

this week's animal might look like a children’s edutainment mascot, but it’s an avian death machine with built-in machine-gun sound effects. really.

so hold onto your butts folks, because it’s time to meet-

gesundheit! haha! please do not bite me!

the Shoebill is a stupidly huge modern dinosaur with a ginormous beak, which kind of looks like... uh, a shoe. (BLESS YOU)

the Shoebill (BLESS... fine, fine I’ll stop) has several different names in other languages. the best one by far the Arabic Abu Markub, which can be translated as “Father of a Slipper”. 

obviously this name is way, way better than anything I could ever come up with in a million years, and I should just quit my job and stop the article right here.

I won’t, though. you still have to read like another six paragraphs of this. suffer.

the Shoebill is a gigantic bastard of a bird, reaching up to five feet tall and fifteen pounds heavy. they’re simply too much bird to handle, especially when you consider that enormous clog of a beak. that odd bill may look like a cute dutch shoe, but the edges are razor-sharp and built to decapitate prey with a single heavy blow.

the Shoebill is what you would get if you were to take a Velociraptor and tape a fucking axe to its face, which kind of ruins the friendly muppet look they’ve got going on.

(that and the death glare.)

HEY KIDS! let’s have a staring contest! Timmy why are you crying

the Shoebill is found in tropical East African swamps and wetlands. they stalk around in the reeds and generally skulk around like most cranes and herons do, but with a couple of important differences. (yes, those differences are all scary. hang on.)

first, Shoebills are hunting for larger prey than your typical heron or crane. and while they do usually go after fish and eels up to 3 feet long (!!!), the Shoebill is a criminal of opportunity. they will eat anything, from baby crocodiles to smaller waterfowl to baby antelopes. BABY. FUCKING. ANTELOPES.

so maybe don’t trust them around your children, is what I’m getting at here.

HEY KIDS! who wants to see if I can fit this ENTIRE DUCK in my mouth? TIMMY, YOU’RE NEXT.

second, Shoebills are very, very, veryveryvery patient. they stand next to the water and just. don’t. move. you’d think the Shoebill was trying to win a staring contest with the river, but I can assure you that it’s nothing that innocent. the Shoebill is waiting.

 once an edible-looking fish/eel/nile monitor/baby antelope swims by, the Shoebill strikes. five feet of hungry bird slams beak-first into its potential meal, swinging it around a few times like a Jurassic Park Velociraptor (to get the mud off. mud is gross even to Shoebills), and snipping the head clean off with that terrible beak. oh, and then the Shoebill swallows it whole. headfirst. (it would be if the prey still had a head attached, anyway.)

AAAAAAAAAA. AAAAAAAAA!

awful table manners aside, Shoebills actually do manage to scrounge up some compassion in their black black hearts when it comes to their children. 

*paper rustles* wait. hang on, I read that wrong. ahaha, whoops! they don’t, actually.

at the end of the rainy season, two Shoebills will court by making machine-gun sound effects with their beaks at each other. (really) once they have decided they can stand each other long enough to make some beautiful babies together (Shoebills are notoriously antisocial), the pair wander off to a distant corner of the swamp, where they will build a fuckoff huge nest and lay up to three eggs. awww!

however, only one of those eggs is going to make it to adulthood.

take a quick break to stare at something adorable.

this is by design. the strongest chick will become a strong adult. “wait... how do they know who’s the strongest?” you ask tremulously, an unnamable fear in your eyes. you are correct to be wary! the answer is siblicide.

that’s right, the strongest chick will straight-up murder its weaker siblings by shoving them out of the nest to drown/be eaten by crocodiles. and the parents just kind of watch. jesus.

I mean, I GUESS that’s as good a way as any to make sure at least one chick is strong enough to make it, but man.

don’t trust these guys around your children, that’s all I’m saying.

HEY KIDS, it’s time for TODDLER DEATHMATCH! may the strongest offspring prevail!

despite their many nightmarish qualities, Shoebills remain an iconic bird and a valuable part of the ecosystem (why, without them we’d be knee deep in baby antelopes). they have appeared in human art and culture from the Ancient Egyptians to The Audobon Society. 

they’re pretty neat.

Shoebills are also currently considered Vulnerable, with their habitat under threat from human encroachment. we really, really, really hope that this giant murderbird continues to thrive in the future, mostly so that if the day ever comes when someone points up into the air and cries “Look! A Shoebill!” we can all turn around in unison and scream,

 “GESUNDHEIT!”

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.

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IMAGE SOURCES

1-Birder’s Blog 2-Zambia Tourism 3-Reddit 4-The Telegraph 5-Africa Geographic 6-Zooborns 7-Ranger Diaries 8-Know Your Meme