#So need to learn how to study and such
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Oh right
I keep meaning to do a life update
Because long time followers remember when I posted a lot of personal struggles on here and I like never follow up on that stuff
And have since stopped posting personal stories as often whoops
Honestly I don’t remember everything I left as a loose thread that could be ‘is she okay’ so basically:
>Yes I am okay
>Most the stuff I was having trouble with happened like 5+ years ago now
>I am still pretty shut in, but I have a good job and I do go out once a week technically
>Much more mentally stable, I don’t really get the sort of empty feelings I used to anymore
>Every day I am unsure if I am like 🤖 to other people, or if I live normally. But I have unworked a lot of the emotional repression stuff I was doing subconsciously, and have gained a capacity for the ‘feeling of love’ (since love isn’t really a feeling, but you know the feeling I mean). Idk if I never experienced it before, but if I did it was Extremely rare compared to now. I certainly had devotion, but idk
It’s like ‘oh my prayers were answered on this topic again :0 ‘
I think I am pretty content generally, but I still don’t have happy feelings or fun feelings that often on my own, but this is super normal for me and doesn’t bother me the way the ‘void feelings’ did. It just vibing
>I did get a few extra sensory issues, probably from being shut in, but nothing that makes it any harder to go out. I should go out more still, but not many ideas of where to go for now
>I lost touch with the rest of my rl friends more or less (゚⊿゚) I went through a big thing of making myself not burn bridges and then like 4 months later they stopped contacting me anyways. I haven’t really felt any issue about it so have been leaving it be, but I guess I’ll crack that case back open if it ever starts to feel like a big thing that needs to be done
>My family is doing pretty well : )
>Story stuuffffff. I went through about a year of work to make my to do list better, so now I can focus on writing, sort of. And hopefully I can finish my script for TTF in good time now after the Big Delay of relaying the foundation and needing to get life in order. It will take a Long time because I insist on doing all 10 arcs before starting to draw it, so like... I still am mostly gonna be quiet on the topic for awhile
>Life plans? Nope, never. I still live very in the present, so I will just continue my job till I get fired probably and try my best to keep using my free time well. Or start
>Nobody wonders about this but I swear to you, vitamins/supplements make me sick every time I take them. Like literally sick. Like with germs and things. How????? How???? They had nothing in common between the three diff supplements, but each time I started I would get sick for like 2 weeks or a month ??? But I will keep trying to see if this is actually happening because ??? How ????
>Oh yeah, I am trying to get my health better and actually gained much weight 🥳 maybe someday exercise too, but I wanna tighten daily schedule first
>I am looking at some other mental disorders where I think ‘do I have that???’ But just for the sake of communication. I still don’t really need medication to manage the strange stuff. Coping mechanisms generally work pretty good for me, and learning to weed out bad ones and so on. I haven’t felt ANXIOUS in a bit now, and idk maybe not as often. I know I was like a year or two ago, but it goes down every year overall.
Lots of things that used to make me anxious just don’t so much anymore
That’s everything I can really think of right now
Life is basically good overall for me.
Health is good for me, though I still need to work on actually doing things to be good to my body.
Socializing is pretty good in the forms I do it, but I still need to go out more to prevent my brain from getting weird about ‘sounds and feelings I can’t control’ and all
Fam : )
Everything is chill actually. I basically vent here less now just because I have more opportunity to vent directly to people when there’s a need to wjdnejd but I don’t think anything major comes up that often
But also my emotional memory is really low hwjdnwjd like I know for a fact a year or two ago there was a month where I was super unwell and stressed, but legit idk what that felt like, I just know it happened
So maybe the frequency Could be similar, but I wouldn’t know it 🤔 but certainly less major events happen, and that’s good with me
Just an update cuz I realize it’s easy to vent and all, but when things resolve, it’s less interesting to talk about, so you leave people hanging unintentionally, since posting directly on here barely feels like talking to anyone anyways, super easy to let that go
I am not a private person honestly, so hope this doesn’t seem weird to anyone widjsjdn
#Vio's Personal#Yaaaa boooiiiii#I didn’t mention faith progress stuff because I don’t think I talked a lot about that before :0#But I have been less fearful for a long time now which is bueno#But I am still lazy so#and also my ability to comprehend what I read I have realized is Bad#So need to learn how to study and such#But that will be oookaaaaay probably#My issue is if you show me videos where people explain things#I will find something about the person where I can’t stand them#is how it keeps goimg#but videos are my best format alas#but that’s just a ramble so anyways
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playing around w slightly different hair renders
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#yuuji#megumi#cries megumi fought tooth n nail..... i refused 2 flip the canvas tho >:(#i vastly prefer drawing him facing right bc fr some reason it makes his hair look better silhouette-wise#so having him face left is alr a Challenge#but also having him slightly look down (difficult angle + changes the silhouette) had me bashing my head in2 th TABLE#same thing happened earlier this month w gardening megu middle pose . i did not learn my lesson#but even worse w this one yuuji's head is blocking th main pointy part tht basically carries the entirety of the shape language#u can imagine my distress i am sure#anyway th render made me a lot happier with it thank god. colours hard carry bless <3333#i didn't plan on making it a full sheet but i needed 2 remind myself that im good at drawing megumi#so i threw in solos of each of them n tried slightly different render flavours#idk how Different all of them look visually but th process fr each ws Very different so i am satisfied#fight aside this ws useful i think! got 2 break out some Clunkier chalks n dust off a few of my smoother blended brushes#think i picked up some things i can keep also !! which ws. u kno. the Goal#tbh every time i do art studies i feel like i am kirby#one time i got called an art ditto by one of my fav artist mutuals when i did a style challenge#SUCH high praise from her it lives in my mind i take it out on days when i feel like trash#it doesnt Sound good when u say u r good at copying but real talk it is such a good skill i am very happy 2 have it in my arsenal
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Eldritch/not-entirely-human Grunkle Stan stories have been eating away at my brain, so I have a silly little concept of Mimic!Stan.
He and his Mystery Shack are both mimics that lure tourists in as a literal "tourist trap" to gather and devour them! Since the house is alive, it raises a few (read: several) child safety concerns that lead to a LOT of rules to be created for Dipper and Mabel to follow when they eventually arrive, such as:
Be careful not to get lost in the winding hallways! The Mystery Shack is bigger on the inside, and you don't want to end up in the wrong areas.
Don't go through randomly appearing doors, they may eat you.
If you think you feel the walls around you breathing and the floor beneath you shifting, no, you don't.
If you think the walls feel a bit damp, you're imagining it.
Watch your fingers around windowsills! You wouldn't want to lose any of them.
Don't linger too long under the doorframes; it may start feeling like they are slowly constricting around you.
#his shack is basically his big ass pet- they have a weird bond thing going on <3#if the house is fed- so is Stanley and vice versa#also I need you guys to know that my dumbass already developed lore for this AU even tho it was supposed to be a small one because ofc I di#BASICALLY this guy is NOT Stanford's twin. like at all.#Stanford was born an only child that went to uni fine and came to gravity falls where he met “The Mimic” aka Stan#and Ford was fascinated by Stan and wanted to study him- while the latter was just like: omg friend!!#and Stan's way of showing his love as a Mimic was to replicate Ford's appearance EXACTLY to show that he cares and loves him#because in Mimic love language being able to imitate a human PERFECTLY down to every detail is an impressive show of attentiveness and care#Ofc Ford was thrilled by the awesomeness of this (*cough* nerd) but was also like: so how tf do I explain this extra clone of me that#sticks by my side like a barnacle#so the twin theory was made- Ford made Stan tweak his appearance just a little so that it doesn't look too uncannily similar to himself#and then Stan learned more about humans and came to adopt a persona himself#this is actually a way more silly AU than my other one because Ford- Stan and everyone else are straight up just chilling here#welp!#gravity falls#gravity falls au#Mimic Stan AU#stan pines#stanley pines#grunkle stan#grunkle ford#stanford pines#ford pines#the mystery shack#mystery shack#mimics#tw scopophobia#tw body horror#tw gore#my art
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meeting wyll at the grove, as someone who the tieflings trust enough to train their children, says so much about him. it's so sad that he doesn't get explored in acts 2-3 as deeply as the other companions, when his problems are equally intense. the average player probably long rests once before coming across the grove, but even if not, in that time wyll has already proven to the tieflings that they can rely on the Blade of Frontiers.
this is the immediate first thing he chooses to do after being condemned to slow death via ceremorphosis. his priority list in the first conversations with tav is: 1) hunt down a dangerous devil, 2) help zevlor with the goblins, 3) once nothing threatens the tieflings he will gladly search for a tadpole cure. wyll is perpetually his own last priority, and i wonder if it has to do with the lore about souls.
if he believes mind flayers' souls have been destroyed, and fiend warlocks will all have their souls sent to the hells after death, then becoming a mind flayer isn't the worst possible way for him to die. he would never become a mindless monster to save his own soul, but he's not gripped by horror the way that some of the other origin characters are. lae'zel has been made revoltingly impure to her people, astarion is terrified of losing the scrap of bodily autonomy he just regained, gale is guilt-ridden over the orb detonation if he dies, shadowheart has to survive to prove herself to her cult leader, and karlach has also just regained bodily autonomy and is desparate to live.
this is just another quest for the Blade, whose persona guards wyll ravengard against the vice of self-concern when he ought to be concerned for those in need.
#wyll ravengard#bg3#writing a wyll pov thing in order to roleplay harder in my durge playthrough & ive become obsessed w him#i love him so much. he doesnt even really get to realize in-game how traumatized he is and in act 3 he has not healed any really#come here wyll we are going to learn about self care. you & durge need to overcome the desire to give up your lives for your fathers ideals#faerun doesnt have LMHCs so wyll gets my durge who currently thinks he is (a miserable failure of) a cleric of ilmater.#this fic is practice for my 'ascended tavastarion struggle to quit being Like That' character study thing wherein i am struggling w dialogu#loving working on both. im in my little dollhouse making my toys try out lines until they fit#vampireposted
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Doing master studies the only way I know how: Stealing them and making them my guys.
(Barberini Faun)
(The Fallen Angel - Alexandre Cabanel)
(Covent Garden - William Bruce Ellis Rankin)
#obviously. not actually theft...#i was gonna say these are public domain but covent garden actually isnt yet#it will be. in two years.#thats the most different one though like i added a whole new guy..#maybe not the most different. barberini faun is pretty different i just took the post#pose#its barely even a study. thats not true#but. what was i saying.#oh its not theft it's study... the purpose is to learn!!! but also. if im gonna spend like 2 days on something...#its GONNA be my guys#otherwise. idk. i only want to spend 30 or so minutes per study#just to get the notes down and the practice for the skill im working on#i dont get all that much more out of completely rendering a master study. PERSONALLY.#at least definitely not enough to be worth taking 100x longer#but making them my characters makes it worth going all the way!!!#plus it's good practice w like. not just going 1:1 but actually genuinely interpreting whats there so i can manipulate it...#again. personally. this is just how i worm#WORK#youd better worm bitch#uhm... anyways yeah. ive done lots of study but why TF share it LMAO i dont even save it#its just to learn. ive got 1 million other drawings to save and look at later.#once the learning is done it's done its job and i have no need anymore#this is why the only studies i have are from school. i had to save and upload them#well. ok also i dont study as much now BUT in my defense im a full time artist#an hour or so a week is different ok im learning while working too.. i learned how to learn and i do it all the time now#master studies#digital art#my art#illustration#my ocs
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orpheus and thanatos 💚
#persona 3#ryomina#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#makoto yuki#lizzy does art#HIII EVERYONE :3 happy halloween.... (has been working on this for four weeks off and on)#i've always yearned to see art of ryoji and minato based on thanatos and orpheus!!!#i know that ryoji can be likened to being the eurydice figure which i agree with but I HAVE BEEN THINKING SO HARD ABT THEM LIKE THIS OK.#it was nice to give drawing something more ambitious (for my standards) an earnest try again! i love working with lineless and lighting#and working on this has inspired me to HOPEFULLY start doing some studies of sorts! i want to learn so many things...#all so that i can make ryomina as epic as possible...#also LET ME TELL YOU that thanatos coffins are making me realize i seriously need to do drawabox or something.#trying to put them in perspective is hard... but im pretty happy with what i made!!!#also can i just say i love how shapely orpheus is?? i love orpheus joints etc etc its so nice. very fresh#sighs longingly. i love them very much they make me want to do better at things. i hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead! 💙#very excited to see what people do for ryomina week (<- they haven't made anything 4 it yet bc Busy... but i'll submit smthn late maybe)
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i drew chubby nami in my sketchbook the other day and she looked so pretty so i think im gonna draw her like this from now on
#this was a anatomy study bc i still need to learn how to draw plus sized people but it turned out cute so here it is :3#also if you have tips for me on how to draw plus sized ppl you wanna share feel free to drop them in the notes i'd love to read them!!#one piece#one piece fanart#op#nami#my gf and wife btw.#my art
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reposting some old doodles i still enjoy a bit
#a doodley#guys im having realizations i dont really know what to do with#ive said this tons before but my main issue with art rn is like#i Know anatomy. and what it's Meant to look like. my issue is straying away from Correct and going with Good like how some of my stuff was#before i really started learning. loose and not restricted#but my obstacle is that nobody draws the way i want to draw. and im bad at coming up with my own stuff...i need to copy and osmose off#someone else. well. it turns out there is someone who draws the way i draw. and its cheye of the past.#dont get me wrong if i look thru the rest of the art in the (year) folder these came from; 80% of it sucks#i wish i cld have what past cheye had but with current cheye tweaks and refinement#but idk how to do that. something weird has happened to my mind i really cant envision and make art the same way anymore#idk how he did it back then....i wish i Knew bc current me cant make anything out of sketching or thumbnails or just going at it#arghhh#i try and force myself to draw stuff like this now (interactions) and it looks. so stiff. and bad proportion wise but idk how to fix it#which isnt to say the proportions (for example) in THESE drawings are perfect but they dont scream Wrong or Bad or Incorrect to me ykwim...#idk! idk what to do with this. ive never known how to go back and study my own stuff
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was assigned to do art for school based on the color green so of course i chose the green ninja (accompanied by long xiaojiao)
#ninjago#lego ninjago#monkie kid#lmk#lego monkie kid#mei dragon#lmk mei#mei lmk#lloyd garmadon#ninjago lloyd#aphid artisms#aphid ninjamonkies#finally…art#this was originally smthn else entirely but i hated that ver so much that i restarted and finished it in like 1 day#im pretty proud of this though i realize that i need to do more color/lighting studies#lloyd taking a nap with his oomf#they would be totally friends like 1 day with mei and mk could fix all of lloyd’s problems#steps 1 foot inside the arcade and the light returns to his eyes#this was also heavily referenced from a pose i found online kibbitzer i think is the name#idk if im even allowed to post this but ill jjst priv it if needed#yayyyy lloyd gardon#yayyyy mei dracon#i wish i couldve also incorporated tmnt into this but i was rushing#im still super learning bt how to draw and light environments and all erps
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Impulsively shoving a guy's hand in your mouth after having the thought "oh just like when my little sister used to prick herself on a rose thorn" and then immediately being treated like a pet who ate something they shouldn't have? Wonderful. Thank you, Thane.
(also not pictured is Thane apparently trying to scrape your tongue with his hand BEFORE pouring the holy water down your throat because NO. BAD.)
#bewitching sinners#palmier baker#thane verashkova#accidentally ingesting vampire blood because of big brother impulses is wild#also the reason hes so alarmed is bc in that world you kinda soulbond to others and thats how you soulbond as a vampire#you drink each others blood and so hes flipping out because while he hasnt had your blood yet#hey your ex is going to absolutely kill me if we bond on accident and i dont think i wanna die like that!#which is VERY cool to know thank you thane im so glad your concern is actually less of being bound#but about being murdered thats really cool#also the fact thane is found in the library studying with arshem my beloved ex and is BRIBED TO LEARN RECIPES#by arshem with vials of mixed blood hes just CASUALLY CARRYING is like hey man#thank you for being group mum i love you for it#and then later on arshem actually is like oh thane you can drink my blood later since you havent fed for a while#and thane is super chipper about it like HECK YEAH THANKS !#hey boys youre adorable thank you for existing in this incredibly fucked up world#im in a choke hold with this otome im sorry#you ever try to be nice to a guy and think surely this will help him a little bit then you get background lore#and you realize youre probably making things A LOT WORSE FOR HIM by being nice#im going through it with my emotions as i learn about palmiers actions pre game swap so like#dude please i am BEGGING YOU palmier please have ONE redeeming quality in you at some point#i want to adopt one of the love interests as my son though and im obsessed with the fact he can speak fish#my son can speak to the fish and he gives me fish as a present bc i might need it later#and i do actually in fact need said fish later for another quest#thankyou my son i love you and i appreciate you youre amazing#gonna have to draw arshem at some point and everyone will immediately go yeah that makes sense
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I'm so immersed in my jason grace new rome uni fic that I'm studying ancient roman law terms using this as an excuse. help.
#I'm COMMITTED fr#I become smart just for these fanfics i swear. i thank the fanfic and fandom community for my thirst for knowledge 😮💨✨#I also remember listening to latin asmrs and learning latin words for reyna and jason :) I need help fr#i hate how I feel the need to want to know EVERYTHING tho 😭 like why do I have to overthink everything#I'm not sure if I should include ancient roman law or common law for jason tho#or he could just learn both as separate classes. the roman law can come under the history category#so he has to learn a bit of everything#political science criminal law economics history civil law corporate law banking law#I'm tired. law students I have always had nothing but respect for you#I won't go TOO deep into what he's studying in the fics tho like I won't mention his lessons in the fic every 5 mins#prolly just him doing presentations and projects then and there#bc like if I go too deep in then I'll get into a writing slump again#bc info dumping is EXHAUSTING it would feel like a school assignment not a fic#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#pjo series#jason grace#pjo hoo#pjo hoo toa#annabeth chase#leo valdez#piper mclean#frank zhang#hazel levesque#jason grace x y/n#jason grace fanfic#jason grace x you#jason grace x reader#࿔‧ ֶָ֢˚˖𐦍˖˚ֶָ֢ ‧࿔ elora's PhD in overthinking
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#dahlia hawthorne#ace attorney#phoenix wright#dahlia x phoenix#alexa play dark red by steve lacy#my art#since i dont want to make a dedicated post let me use my notes to vent about how much i love dahlia conceptually and how much i wish AA +#writers weren't sexist#dahlia was given the shittiest set of cards when she was a kid and she was a victim of grooming by that terry loser#she is CONSTANTLY objectified and sexualised and i think her design as a skinny young looking individual makes it even more distasteful#but i think it works if the writers could have done something with that#what i love about dahlia and phoenix's relationship is the contrast - phoenix needs to see people as innocent before jumping to help them v#dahlia who has if you think about it is innocent to a degree given how fucked up her childhood was#dahlia could have been a great case study into compassion for phoenix as she has hurt him directly but in his role as a lawyer he has to se#past certain flaws so justice can be served#and it can PUSH his understanding of what is “guilty”#yes dahlia killed people but also i choose to believe her worldview was severely warped by her enviornment and she's a product of it#or if they wanted to make her a villain and stick with it i think as a rival ro phoenix she should have been a cautionary tale#of what happens when you never learn to move beyond the shitty hand youve been dealt with and live non judgementally#anyways ^_^
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everyone Noticed but nobody dares to speak because this might actually keep him in check
#even the two guys who laugh their ass off if you tell them you lost your gun. this might work so shhh#another unpolished sketch comic because I keep having Visions and I need to share them#but my hands refuse to finish anything#inspired by that ''when he has a praise kink *good job stickers sheet*'' image#pointless microblogging#I should do anatomy studies again so I don't struggle this much :(#disco elysium#it's been what... 3 years since I sat down and drawn bodies to learn how they work? maybe even some more :(#i forgor how to draw
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MATTHEW AND THE DEMON HIPSTER CHICKS!!!!!!!!!
I love them so much they're so iconic tbh
Sooo I recently read and watched scott pilgrim and this guy ended up as my fav so here's some fanart
#matthew patel#matthew patel scott pilgrim#demon hipster chicks#scott pilgrim takes off#matthew patel fanart#scott pilgrim takes off fanart#spto#spto fanart#i love this guy he's everything to me I wanna study him like a bug#i didn't really like how the chicks ended up looking but I spent too long on this not to post it so. yeah#it do be like that#i drew something#i struggled the entire time bruh at least it's done#i fucking hate perspective so much but i really need to learn to not draw the same two angles bc my insta account is getting boring#with all of the drawings being 3/4 with a 😐 face#i also need to learn backgrounds but that's for another day
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its just a quick procedure! find happiness through surgery!
#toontown#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#corporate clash#cogblr#spin doctor#scopophobia#eye contact#eyestrain#??? theres gotta be one for it just being kinda Spooky but idk how to word it#horror#disturbing content#I GUESS#any1 lmk if it needs anything else n_n#out of artfite season which means i get to focus on my sillies again!! yay!!#been studying heads & faces so i wanted to push myself n try out what ive learnt ^^ i like how it turned out#not as 3d as i wouldve hoped but its a start!! cant wait to learn more and make my mal art Even Worse#ted draws#mal practice
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Love slowly but surely becoming the odd one out in my circle for not using chat gpt even though it would "make my life so much easier and i could spend less time revising stuff" /neg
#“you need to learn how to use it if you want to make money” says my mom#“you should use it to sum up those huge texts so you can study them easier in less time” says my best friend who's technically also anti-ai#“you should—” how about i start fucking biting#little bit of my soul dies everytime i hear smth like that#at this point i dont even know why i hate it so much anymore. i just do. i guess its the principle of it. it's core. but it's everywhere#it tires me out and im so tired already#cant i get help without having to ask a machine for it? is it really all there is left for me to turn to? did i fall this low? did we?#it wouldn't even recognize whats important and what isn't#i think I'll just tear a nerve from stress on my own#sighs#delete later maybe#i dont think i care at this point#sunshine talks
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