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readingsbylibramc · 3 years ago

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birth chart reading for @justlikeheaven08

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a splay shape, meaning that your planets are located randomly in different groups in your chart. people with this type of chart are usually very talented at different things. they can focus their attention on different matters, from family, to work, to love. everything is important for you, and you try to live your life to the fullest. you may be particularly talented at things that require action, it doesn’t matter whether it’s physical or mental. you may be very good at sports, dancing… or maybe you’re good at leading, you could easily be the boss on your work place. since you’re interested in so many things, you could easily be skilled at all of them to be honest. my advice would be to pick the hobby that is most important for you and care about it more than the others. that’s because people with this chart usually tend to do so many things that they may lack precision. it’s better to give all of yourself to what’s important for you.

your dominant planets are mercury, the moon and pluto. you are very smart, you probably are very witty and you pick up things very fast, you learn things easily. you're also quite sensitive, you may be prone to mood swings and you could be quite impulsive when angry or sad, but you're also very empathetic and in tune with others' emotions.

your dominant sign is cancer. you seek emotional security in life. you need to feel grounded, you're most likely extremely cautious about the decisions you make. you're also very sensitive and compassionate of others, even though you could get slightly passive from time to time.

your dominant element is water. your dominant element is water. you're very intuitive and empathetic, you care a lot about others, and you may seem like a healer to people you know. in fact, you always try to help them if you can, almost in a therapeutic way. you're also very spiritual, and you're attracted to anything related to discovering your higher self and soul purpose.

🌎 ascendant in virgo, 2° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

you have a practical approach to the world. you’re kind of logical, it’s hard for you to improvize. you always want to keep everything neat and organized, at least in your mind. you could have a natural coldness to your face. you may seem a bit older than you are, or at least very mature and responsible, even though you may be more approachable than you look due to your many cancer placements. with your attentive eyes, you pay attention to every single detail you see. you’re a perfectionist, and you always want and try to be at your best state. I would say you’re quite competitive when it comes to your goals, but you don’t really do it to be above others. you do it because your obsession for details kind of stresses you out. improving and proving yourself is a way to boost your self-esteem, you feel fulfilled when you can achieve your goals. you are extremely intelligent and logical, you’re always up for a deep talk or simply for an occasion to gain more knowledge. you like being smart, you always want to know about everything. even the latest, trendy meme counts for you. your nature is very cautious; you’re rarely impulsive, you always think deeply about your decisions, as you don’t want to commit any mistakes. because of that, you can be particularly picky. not only with material things such as movies, books, food etc. but even with people. it’s hard for you to open up to someone you don’t know at all. you take things slow, both in friendships and in relationships, just to preserve yourself. you may come off as kind of snobby, but you’re just misunderstood. you don’t like flaky bonds, you need security in your life. physically, as I’ve already mentioned before, you have this kind of strict look on your face. your eyes may be almond-shaped, and you could have a natural feline gaze. overall, you have something smaller about your features; you could have thin lips, a small nose, small eyes… you could have a smaller frame with thin bones, and you don’t gain weight easily. you may be of average height, and I’ve noticed that most virgos tend to have pretty long legs? no matter if they’re tall or not, their legs will still be longer than their bust.

virgo ascendant conjunct leo venus: you have the planet of beauty (venus) conjunct your appearance (ascendant). you're surely very attractive! even if you're not a conventional beauty, there's still a certain charm to you that can't get overlooked. you're very feminine and polite, especially with strangers. you care about the impression you make on others, even though you shouldn't worry that much, as it's generally good. you're probably very sociable, it doesn't matter whether you're introverted or not. you still have amazing social skills, and you also have a very charming voice. you literally draw people to you, I imagine it's not hard for you to make new friends and engage in conversations randomly. you also care a lot about the way you look, hence you probably have a skincare/workout routine, and you're fond of shopping and selfcare in general. you want to always look at your best; that's caused by the fact that you're secretly quite of insecure about your looks. you may have the tendency to think that the compliments you receive aren't honest, and people are just trying to be nice to you. another downside to this placement is that you may attract people's jealousy.

virgo ascendant square gemini mars: you easily come off as more assertive and arrogant than you actually are. this manifests both in your face and in your words. you could say things impulsively, and sometimes you're too blunt and hurt people's feelings. you don't do it on purpose, though, there's no malice behind your acts; it's just your natural way to express your opinions. on the other hand, you probably have a very strong charisma to you that makes you look very captivating and bold. people see you as a leader, and hence they could get intimidated by your presence. to cope with this placement, you can try controlling yourself and your words before speaking. I'm aware that it's a way to vent your anger, but you can find another way that doesn't hurt others.

virgo ascendant opposite pisces saturn: you may be shy and have self-esteem issues, especially during your early years. because of that, you may often appear as insecure to others, or even unreliable. you have a strong desire to be with someone and commit to them, you despise supertificial bonds, but at the same time you may find yourself being too shy to approach others, especially during your early years. luckily, I feel like the effect of this aspect is mitigated by your leo venus conjunct the ascendant, which makes you more confident. you may not be the most confident person on earth, but you're not the most insecure either. this may apply more to the younger you, actually. you don't feel much comfortable around other people, and others can sense that; your insecurity is exposed to the world, and some may take advantage of that to hurt your feelings. you're afraid of being judged, whether it's for your appearance, or maybe because of your ideals or interests. hence, you end up becoming reserved. this is something that will be solved through growth and time; the older you get, the easier you'll be on yourself. also, thanks to this aspect, you're a responsible person with defined values. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to do what makes you feel the best. there are different ways to boost your self-esteem, so maybe you can work on that and then start expressing yourself freely; if you do it without the fear of being judged, you will shine even more.

🌞 sun in cancer, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by the moon and pluto

this is the darkest, most intense cancer decan. even though you may not show it due to your heavy leo and virgo influence, you’re actually very vulnerable and sensitive. you may be a crybaby, as crying is a way to vent your emotions. you may even overreact, and be considered too dramatic. you’re extremely moody; you could be all happy and relaxed with your friends, then suddenly you get sad, or even angry. it’s hard to deal with this, especially because your emotions are quite intense. this could make you argue a lot with your peers. even though it takes you a while to find someone willing to stay, when that moment finally comes you’ll embody cancer’s best trait: that is, you’ll become a ‘mother’ to your friends, lover etc. you have a very nurturing soul, you have a knack for affection and care, and you could even get kind of clingy, even though you may feel limitated to give your love to someone else. cancer is a cardinal sign, hence you may be the one to take initiative, yet you do it undirectly. you’re probably the passive-aggressive type. you’re most likely also quite patient, even though you don’t forgive easily. once someone tries to take advantage of you, it’s over for them.

cancer sun conjunct cancer moon: you were born on a new moon, hence the sun and the moon were in the same sign at the moment of your birth. in astrology, new moons represent fresh starts; you're the type to start lots of projects, always feeling like you need to transform yourself or your routine. you're very self-aware of your identity, as you're constantly in contact with your feelings. you may even appear as too emotional, as the sun brings all your emotions out to see. some people have their sun and moon in signs that clash together, making them confused and indecisive; this is not your case, as you act to get what you want and need. because of security and analytical eye, and also because of your gemini mars, you're fast at making decisions. people may judge you as shallow at first, but you're definitely not. you're interested in knowing more about your roots, your childhood, and also about having a family in general. when you were young, you probably were even more energetic than now. you could be the type to look nostalgically at your old pictures, and you care about your mother a lot. you're also very interested in your own culture; you're not afraid to show the world your interests, reactions and opinions. the problem with this conjunction, especially with the sun being in cancer, is that the individual may become so self-sufficient at the point that doesn't let anyone interfer in their life. it's obviously a good thing to do when someone tries to hurt you, but there's the risk it may happen even with people that are trying to help you if not well-developed. another problem that comes with this mostly lovely aspect is that showing your emotions freely makes you wear your heart on your sleeve. people may take advantage of that, and try to hurt you about things that you care about deeply, as they're not hidden. last but not least, your parents' relationships might have had impact on your growth. maybe they're divorced, and one of them had to compensate for the missing parent; perhaps, one of them was highly influenced by the other. or maybe, they just had a very peaceful relationship that makes you have high standards when it comes to love.

🌙 moon in cancer, 9° / 1st decan ruled by the moon

with your moon in cancer, your privacy and security are the centre of your life. you need to be and feel emotionally stable to fully take advantage of all of your skills; for example, if you argue with a loved one of yours, especially if it's someone from your family, you could get very unmotivated to do anything. you need to feel complete to function correctly, and when you can't, you rely on material goods; e.g you may overeat, buy a lot of useless things out of stress, drink... anything that apparently helps you to cope. on the other hand, you're very affectionate, even clingy at times, but your feelings are very pure. because of that, you may also be extremely sensitive, you could be afriad of others' judgment for example. you have a very acute maternal istinct, you're most likely the mom friend of your group, especially since your sun is in cancer, another protective sign. it comes natural to you to take care of others and nurture them, you'd definitely make an amazing mother. the problem with this trait is that you may sometimes take the blame for something just to protect others, you could often say white lies to help your loved ones. you just want to do something beneficial for others, you're extremely generous, but don't forget that you should take care of yourself first. also, since you feel the need to help others, you may often bottle up your emotions without anyone that is willing to help you work out your problems. make sure to always have some private space in your day-to-day life, it is extremely essential for you to develop your own ideas and also to understand what to do for your personal growth.

🗣 mercury in gemini, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

mercury is in its natural place in gemini, your whole chart flows very well! you have great problem-solving skills, you are extremely intelligent and astute. when you were younger, you probably used to be the winner at games like hide-and-seek. this placement also enhances your thirst for knowledge of any kind, you want to learn at least a little about anything, from science to foreign cultures. yet, since you want to learn so many things all at once, you may lack precision and be a little bit superficial. you're also very open-minded, even though you still rely more on logic, not like your sister sign is sagittarius. yet, it's easy for you to be flexible in your day-to-day life, you don't have to follow a schedule to have everything under control, even though you may often suffer from stress and headaches due to this lack of organization. you may have a very youthful and positive voice, you just give off good vibes, you know?

❤️ venus in leo, 26° / 3rd decan ruled by the sun and mars

with leo venus you're very picky, as you have high expectations for your future partner. you always try to be at your best state, and you want those who surround you to be perfect too. it's hard for you to fall for someone, as you take everything in consideration: personality, physical appearance, fashion sense... it may look like it is too much, but once you find the right one that truly satisfies your standards, you're in for a long ride. you'll want to travel, live your life in the best way possible with the person you love. you look at them as if they were the brighest star in the sky, and you want to be seen like this as well. you may even be a bit clingy, but your partner needs to be aware of that. they can't repress your need for affection. you see love as a way to revive your inner child, you feel younger when you're in love. even though you want someone fun and outgoing, you also need someone ambitious, hard-working and generally serious when it comes to committing. there's no room in your life for flaky people.

leo venus square gemini mars: this placement most likely gives you a short-temper. you may have lots of friends or lots of romantic partners, but you may find yourself being often irritated by them. you could argue with others over petty things, and this could affect your relationships significantly. at the same time, you enjoy fun, exciting relationships. you're the type who's looking for a risktaker, even dangerous partner. you hate boredom, and this may be your weakness regarding this placement; that is, once the relationship starts getting more serious, you feel as if it's going down, when it's actually the opposite. hence, you just run towards a new adventure. with this placement, what you need is learning to open up and being honest without being too blunt. you need to talk about your feelings, you can't bottle them up, but be careful not to sound rude, don't be too impulsive. because of your nature, the perfect partner for you would be someone mature, confident and empathetic that will understand you and won't get hurt by your words.

leo venus square scorpio pluto: you find yourself having crushes on random people often, love at first sight is common for you. but when you seriously fall for someone, they’re your only thought. you start searching for info about them online, and you wanna become part of their life too. you love intensely, but not everyone may enjoy that. there are people that could feel overwhelmed by your love, others that would vibe with you and offer you the same kind of affection. ironically, you tend to attract detached, free-spirited people that most of the times don’t want anything serious. you’re prone to get jealous and possessive very easily, and this makes you suffer, as you may think there’s something wrong with you. maybe, it may even remind you of something that happened during your childhood, perhaps your parents were also very protective of you. love for you is a constant grow; your relationships will be hard, but there’ll always be something to learn to improve yourself and your confidence. little side-note, you may often date karmic partners, aka partners from your past lives, so you may often experience this 'I’ve already seen you before’-vibe in your new encounters and relationships, and you’ll always learn something from all your relationships.

☄️ mars in gemini, 3° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

you’re driven by the sense of intelligence. your intellect is your greatest strenght, it’s your energy tank. you’re interested in a bunch of things, and hence you may have troubles staying focused on one thing at the time. you probably have tons of hobbies, and you may end up not being much precise since you have tons of things that you have and want to do. you can’t stand boredom, you need your day-to-day life to be exciting and, above all, offer you something new to learn and / or experience. you probably fancy being very active: you go out often, you workout, you may also be the type to love partying and things like that. you’re extremely witty and curious, and you want to live your life to the fullest. you may often change your style, your opinions, maybe even your personality, and that could make you seem confusing and / or unreliable.

gemini mars square pisces saturn: this placement indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort or just your insecurity to hold you back. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. but soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence.

gemini mars square scorpio pluto: with this placement, I assume that when you were younger you were some sort of victim. you could have been bullied, for example, you used to be insecure about the way you looked and were. you could have felt different from others, and they took advantage of that to make you feel even more insecure. or maybe, it was a parent, or every authoritative figure in your life, that restricted you from following your own ideals. because of that, now you constantly feel the need to prove yourself. you probably tend to accumulate a lot of anger all together, which you need to let all out or you could explode. you could find comfort in physical ways to relieve stress, like punching bags, slamming doors, etc. or perhaps, when you're angry you just get overwhelmed by all of your emotions. you may cry, scream, even throw up in certain cases. on the other hand, you are extremely magnetic and attractive to others, you naturally draw people towards you. you're also extremely passionate in whatever you do, you put your whole heart in doing things you love. you're very hard-working and determined to achieve your goals, making you extremely dedicated.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in virgo. you appear as someone intelligent, possibly judgmental and critical. in fact, you’re a perfectionist, and most of the time you appreciate it when someone takes care of themselves just as much as you do. you’re also particularly pessimistic, and this could be annoying for those around you. you’re very logical, even though you probably don't lack intuition thanks to all the water energy in your chart. you’re very pragmatic, and you may even be judgmental. chiron here indicates that you may have troubles feeling confident about your physical appearance. you are probably quite insecure, it's hard for you to feel comfortable in your body. you may also have a physical scar somewhere on your body or face.

your 2nd house is in virgo again. you have a practical approach to money; even though you may like spending and shopping, I see you being careful with them, and you may even keep track of them through an agenda or something like that. you feel the need to be perfect, and that can cause you self-esteem issues. with your leo energy, I assume that this manifests as sudden bursts of insecurity or of confidence, your image of yourself fluctuates a lot. you take pride in your intellect, you are very proud of your ideas, theories and opinions. you could also make money from communication of any kind. you could be a stewardess, as well as a writer, a singer, an host… especially with your heavy cancer energy, you’re very artistic, you’d definitely would well in such a field.

your 3rd house is in libra, with also jupiter and pluto sitting there. it's most likely common for you to include other people in your thoughs and speech. for example, you may often find yourself talking about your partners, your friends, neighbors, celebrities... you probably also like gossips. this placement, on the other hand, gives you an opinionated, even poetic mind. you could be interested in literature for example, and you most likely were good at school. your mind and words are your energy tank, what satisfy you the most. you may talk a lot about different topics of any kind, from childhood to videogames, but you never get boring. you're always entertaining to listen to. you always try to be nice and gentle with your words, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. you're extremely balanced, you have amazing problem-solving skills as you're able to see both side of an argument. it's natural for you to understand what's right and what isn't, and most of the times you're actually right. when you're with someone you're not really close to, you could even be the accommodating type who allows others to speak over your voice, or maybe you let others speak first as a gesture of kindness. you're also particularly smart, your biggest strenght are your ideas, opinions and theories, and you may even be able to gain fortune with your words. pluto here makes it easy for you to understand other people's intentions, you're an intuitive lie-detector.

your 4th house is in scorpio. your relationship with your family is most likely very intense, but not necessarily good. it could be that your parents were quite overprotective of you, you felt judged and restricted from acting the way you wanted. or perhaps, they were emotionally distant, your childhood lacked affection. you probably had to grow up sooner than other kids, and it could be that you first came in touch with plutonian topics (drugs, spirits, sex, death etc.) at a young age. you were more mature from this point of view. in addition, it's also probably that your parents were particularly overprotective, and hence they could have limited you from making experiences. this challenging childhood of yours is most likely the cause of your unstable self-esteem, and perhaps you also have troubles with long-term goals and dreams too.

your 5th house is in the sign of capricorn, with also your neptune and uranus placed there. capricorn usually brings a feeling of seriousness to the house it’s in. I don’t think it’s your case, though. in fact, neptune, is also placed in this house. you could be a bit more introverted, probably you’re not the type to frequent clubs, parties, etc. you’re more serious from that point of view. your hobbies could actually drain your energy for you; let’s suppose you’re into videogames. you could literally spend the whole day playing videogames, as you take your hobbies very seriously. you’re not the type to start a project and then leave it, and it could be helpful considering that your gemini mercury gets bored very easily, you’re very resolute. also, you most likely have 'mature’ hobbies; you could be into politics, economy, history… you could be into slower types of music, for example, or perhaps you like reading about world issues. with your children you may be quite strict, as you see them as a responsibility. also, you may often be attracted or attract older or more mature partners. you’re most likely a very romantic and artistic person, you may be fond of music, dancing, singing, acting… anything creative that stimulates your senses. yet, you may be a bit picky when it comes to hobbies; you probably only like reading specific types of books, you only listen to a certain music style, and so on. you may also be into spirituality such as psychology, astrology, law of attraction, yoga, mediation, etc.

your 6th house is in aquarius. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine throughout your life. probably, when you were you younger they taught you things that aren’t healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines… also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don’t think you do it too often, but it may still happen due to your virgo and mars dominance in your chart, but for example you wouldn’t mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. this placement also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it’s your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. you may pursue a career that looks unexpected for you at first, something that you never thought you'd do. it will most likely be a creative, artistic job. it will be a very pleasant job, it won’t even feel like a duty to you as you’ll choose a job that you like and that you’re passionate about. regarding your health, throughout your life you may often come across sudden health problems, illnesses may come out of nowhere.

your 7th house is in pisces. your saturn is also sitting in this house. with this pisces descendant, you attract people that are pretty much very intuitive and soft; they could have pisces placements, or at least they’ll be extremely artistic and emotional. yet, you may as well surround yourself with 'broken’ people. that is, people that aren’t exactly in the best state of their health, whether physically or mentally. neptune, the ruler of this house, is in the 5th house. you could meet them in a fun situation, like a party, a vacation, a night out… any situation where you’re supposed to be chilling and having fun, you may meet your future spouse there. also, in a relationship you probably hate feeling suffocated. while your pisces descendant may make you enjoy skinship, you may sometimes also need your space, you still need your freedom, especially since your mars sign is gemini. also, pisces makes you idealize your crushes/partners way too much, to the point that you create an image of someone in your head that turns out to be the opposite at the end. you ignore your partner’s flaws, as they seem perfect to you. with saturn here, it may be hard for you to fall for someone, but once you do, you're totally invested in them. you're quite of a traditionalist when it comes to love; you may the type that prefers being courted, rather than court yourself. you're also quite into clichés, and you're looking for a polite and ambitious partner. someone who has a stable job, and is also wealthy. basically, someone that looks (and possibly is) rich and noble. you may also have the tendency to date people that are older than you, and possibly also soulmates from your past lives. in fact, you attract many karmic partners that are here to teach you lessons. your relationships may be quite painful, or at least they're so intense that they are hard to forget. with this placement, it's also recommended to get married after your saturn return, hence after your 28-29 years old, to avoid any kind of challenges.

your 8th house is in pisces. you may have many dreams, you’re very artistic and creative. to reach your highest state of happiness, you need to turn what you dream about into reality. you're quite of a loner, you prefer spending time alone rather than with others. you're extremely intuitive, and you can read people like a book; they can't lie or keep secrets from you, you'll surely find out. this placement can also be kind of tricky and uncomfortable to have, as you tend to often be sexualized by others, people may often make fantasies about you. possibly, you may also have very explicit dreams daily, possibly also many nightmares often.

your 9th house is in aries. you have a joyful, child-like approach to adventures. you strive for freedom, you want to be your own boss. you don’t want others to tell you what to do. in school you were very competitive, you probably studied to get high grades rather than actually learning, you are very motivated to be #1 in everything you do. you may also experience lots of intense events in your life, you may be the type to try extreme things and experiment a lot. generally, you could be a quite impulsive individual, you may act without thinking often or perhaps you don't really rely on logic to make a choice, but purely on your heart and feelings.

your 10th house is in taurus, with also your mercury and mars placed there. when it comes to work, you’re quite materialistic. you want to earn a great income from your job, you aspire to be wealthy, and luckily with virgo leo ascendant you probably don’t lack ambition. yet, as I’ve already mentioned in the previous sections, you shouldn’t procrastinate nor be lazy, you should break free from your limitations and work hard to visualize and achieve your goals, or it may be hard for you to have a stable career life. you may be drawn to artistic careers, such as designing for example, or even things like cooking or baking. you could be a singer, a rapper, a writer… even a therapist or a counsealor, as well as an actor or comedian. you will probably get to communicate something in your career, you may want to spread a certain message or you may have to interact with other people for your job. you could also be in charge, you may get a very high position in your agency or you could even have your own business, I don't see you having to depend on others ar all. you would do well at a variety of things to be honest! you may also have to physically move for your job, you could become a dancer, an actress, a personal trainer... you could have to use your body.

your 11th house is in cancer. this placement indicates that your friends, they’re your comfort-zone. you feel understood when you’re with them, they’re pretty much like a family to you. you can tell them anything, you put all of your trust in them. or at least, if you haven’t met anyone like this yet, you’ll surely meet a friend that is like a soulmate to you. they’ll also be very important for your growth. in addition, it could also be that you’re still friends with someone from your childhood or even high school days, and hence you could literally grow up together. you could also have some step-siblings. you could also have very big goals you want to achieve in your life, probably since your childhood. as a result, you may end up pursuing your dream career for instance. your sun and moon conjunction is also placed in this house: you must be very unpredictable. you’re the type to change your mind often, probably because you’re constantly coming up with new thoughts and theories since you’re so intellectually active. you seem emotionally cold, and you may actually be like that. in your case though, I see that with your heavy water energy, you feel so much all at once that at one point you need to detach from reality to calm down. even though you have troubles showing this side of you, you’re deeply quite sensitive. you may have some sort of psychic talent, or at least you’re just very intuitive. you’re interested in finding out the truth in the world, and you’re willing to dive deep to uncover it.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo, with also your venus placed there. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don’t show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they’re probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios. venus is also sitting there; you most likely have lots of dreams, that could even predict the future, and generally they're not too violent or turbulent. you’re hopelessly romantic, to the point that you almost look naive. you’re not simply looking for a partner or spouse, you’re looking for a soulmate; someone you can literally communicate with just using your eyes, someone that knows how to make you feel even messier on the inside. you like to nurture and feel nurtured in a relationship. your ideal lover would be sensitive and empathetic, yet still with a sort of rebel vibe to them.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract pisces, libra, capricorn and aquarius placements. your future spouse will most likely have some of their planets in capricorn or aquarius, maybe an aquarius-capricorn cusp; they’ll be well-balanced, with a stable job and finances. yet, they won’t be too much of a workaholic, as they’re also most probably a chill individual who loves relax and vacation as well. they could also be older than you, and you may meet them later in life, around your 30s. yet, they could be quite impulsive and chilidish at times. your chart points out that this relationship will be kind of unordinary; you may meet them in a fun situation, in a place where you're supposed to relax, such as during a vacation, at the mall, at the club, at the beach, at a party, at a restaurant, etc. they may even be famous, or you could meet in a place that has to do with celebrities such as a concert. your children will have capricorn, aquarius and pisces placements: they’ll be extremely reliable and intelligent; they could be a bit rebellious during their early years, but they will become more mature as time goes by. they'll be very creative and quite sensitive too.

👶🏻 family life

your mother was probably the most dominant figure in your family. she was very intense, even scary at times, especially when she got angry. she might’ve also been very possessive or overprotective. she could have scorpio, aries, gemini or virgo placements in her chart. as for your father, he was more laid-back, but probably very stubborn and also quite protective too. he may have taurus or libra placements in his chart, as well as aries, scorpio and libra. if you have siblings, your relationship with them may be quite pleasant. probably, you used to get along very well with them, it was pleasant for you to hang out and talk to them. they could have libra, sagittarius, pisces, scorpio or taurus placements in their chart.

📊 career

as I've already mentioned above, your future career will most likely involve communication of any kind; you could have to interact with other people, and hence you may work in a place that allows you to communicate with others and that can get quite crowded, like a shop for example. you'll most likely start from these small jobs, like working in a cafe for example. yet, your taurus midheaven conjunct your mars indicates that you can handle way stronger careers; above all, communication and creativity are the most indicated fields for you to be successful. you would do amazing as a writer for example, or perhaps you could even become an amazing teacher / professor. yet, you may even choose to pursue a more complex career, like a career in the med field. you could become a nurse for example, as it allows you to both help and communicate with other people, or even a surgeon, a doctor of any kind. you will start from simple things, but as time goes by, you'll be able to become more independent, maybe even a leader. you probably won't have to depend too much on other people.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

keyword for your wardrobe: black. every leo venus loves black, it's probably my favorite love story. after all, it's such a versatile color! it can be both badass and classy, how can I blame you. you may also have a thing for anything that looks luxury and high quality; you probably enjoy wearing designer brands, especially in your belts and bags. you may also like wearing fitted clothes, even just simple skinny jeans or tight tops. aside from black, you could as well use white and bold colours like gold, hot pink etc. also, you may as well be into pastel colors, and you could like following fashion trends.

👁 past life, life purpose

during this lifetime, it is probably easy for you to get out of your comfort-zone. you don't mind learning, making new experiences and challenging yourself, but this lifetime you don't need to go that far. you need to prove that what you learned in your past life is the key to nurture your skills, and be able to apply them in a smaller environment. you may find yourself travelling a lot, gaining lots of widsom from your experiences... in this lifetime, you basically need to learn through the experiences you gained in your previous life to communicate your thoughts. you need to understand how to communicate who you are to the world.

🤔 major transits analysis / july 31st

you're probably thriving in these days! I see you meeting someone special if you go out, as transit pisces jupiter is currently about to enter your 7th house of long-term relationships. you may meet someone who could become your lover, maybe even a long-term partner. also, both transit venus and mars are in a conjunction in virgo with your rising and your leo venus. you're probably feeling quite confident and sociable, you feel comfortable with the way you look and think and you may be more motivated and productive than usual.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

with your water placements, you probably have a 6th sense. you’re able to manifest what you want if you subconsciously predict it, even though it may be hard. you’d have to get in touch with your higher self to do so, and hence I would suggest you to light up some candles and meditate for a bit before manifesting, in this way it will be way more effective. you may manifest something while daydreaming, for example. or perhaps, you can also try listening to your own affirmations while you sleep, as you won’t be consciously aware of that. it’s probably the most effective way.

and this is it! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

#astrology

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beholdme · 3 years ago

Text

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 14

Chapters: 14/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13]

One night, in the middle of a shift, Gerry gets a pounding migraine and goes to the back to have a cigarette. He knows it won't help, but he smokes it anyway and considers things as he paces the back room.

He's terrible at being sick, and it makes him miserable to be around. Still, the pain makes him ache for his partners, and he can't help picking up the phone to call Jon. It's close to midnight, but Gerry hopes that it won't be the one time Jon has gone to bed at a reasonable hour.

"Hello, Gerard," Jon answers the phone with an ocean of warmth in his voice.

"I miss you." Gerry presses his forehead into the cool window, seeking some sort of relief from the agonizing pressure in his head. He whispers the words like a confession, smokey breath fogging up the glass before him.

"What's wrong my love?" Just Jon's heady, seductive voice provides the emotional support Gerry was seeking, and he wishes he could sink into the words, the feelings behind them, and leave his fracturing body behind for a while.

"Nothing. Not feeling well is all. I just wanted to hear your voice." He sounds pale and washed out, even to himself.

"I'm still at the library, I'll come by and haunt you until your shift is over." Jon makes the offer very casually, although that fussy part of his personality that enjoys mothering Gerry and Martin shines through a bit.

"On a Friday, Jon? You should be home with Martin." He can't help but chuckle at his sweet idiot, even through the pain.

"Martin is out with Sasha and Tim for the evening, remember? I was hoping to stop by and tempt you over to mine tonight anyway." Far from being chastised for his workaholic tendencies, Jon injects all his fond affection into his tone. "Would you be interested in spending the night in a handsome man's bed?"

"Fuck yes. Obviously."

"Oh Gerry, my Gerry." Jon sing-songs into the phone. "Always saying just the right thing to make my heart skip a beat."

Gerry takes a moment to consider his state. He can barely see out of his blurry eyes, and the pounding in his ears makes him feel vaguely underwater. His forceful personality makes it hard for him to admit, but he knows he shouldn't be working like this, and that he'll be much better off with his lover than alone in his own flat.

"I'm going to beg off the rest of my shift, will you come fetch me?" He desperately tries to keep his words easy, but he comes off sounding rather plaintive.

"Yes, Gerry, of course." Jon is frowning audibly now, but he leaves his concern be for the moment. Gerry can hear him moving about, probably packing up his things. "I'm leaving right now, I'll be there soonest. Gerry?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Gerry squeezes his eyes shut tight. "I love you too, Jon."

Jon takes one look at Gerry's drawn, pale face, and calls them a cab.

Gerry doesn't offer even one argument, and a pit of concern opens up in Jon's stomach.

"Do you want to go back to your place, after all?" He asks, sliding his hands up Gerry's arms to rest on his shoulders. "Maybe you'll be more comfortable in your own space."

"No, let's go to yours." Gerry draws their foreheads together, standing out in the cool air of the street. "I like being in your space, with your energy and your things. Besides, how can I resist an invitation to your bed."

"Yes, all the cuddling we've done there must really make your heart skip a beat with lust," Jon responds drily.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Gerry tells him firmly.

The taxi arrives and they climb in. Gerry is several inches taller than Jon, but he manages to scoot down enough to lie draped over the smaller man. Jon notices with some amusement that Gerry has adopted a rather Saturn-like posture, curled around him like an extremely large cat in the limited space.

They arrive at Jon's building and trudge up the several flights of stairs and through his door. Jon drags Gerry firmly by the hand, worried that without the right forward momentum, he'll lay down on the floor and pass out. Jon, under no misunderstanding about his physical prowess, knows that once his lumberjack-shaped boyfriend goes down, he certainly won't be getting him back up.

They go straight to the en-suite, and Gerry strips down to his briefs, Jon encouraging him to wash his face and half-heartedly brush his teeth. Halfway through, Gerry lets out a startled chuckle.

"What?" Jon asks from nearby, changing by his armoire.

"I own three toothbrushes." He tells him in an airy, disconnected tone. "Don't you think that's kinda silly?"

"No, Gerry, what would be silly was if you only had one and you carried it everywhere you went because you weren't sure whose bed you might end up sleeping in that night." And indeed, the multiple toothbrushes solution had originated from them unexpectedly sleeping over at each other's flats with no planning- and no toothbrushes.

Gerry giggles again, and Jon begins to worry about what kind of bizarre migraine he might have. Having suffered through a fair few in his life, he is more used to them presenting like all-consuming misery than like some kind of weird foggy drug trip. Gerry could be unique that way, though.

"I never thought I would have so many bed options that it might be an issue," Gerry whispers, staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Changed into his sleep clothes, Jon goes over to stand behind him and wrap an arm around his waist. It's normally a Gerry or Martin posture, since Jon is smaller than them, but there's a different kind of satisfaction in having Gerry relax and settle into him, sighing with something akin to relief.

He looks at their reflection in the mirror and even with Gerry looking haggard, eyes sunken, 5 o'clock shadow coming in, hair thrown haphazardly into a messy bun, Jon can't help the swell of contentment that fills him. How did he, Jon 'walking disaster waiting to happen’ Sims, manage to get this right?

"Then I suppose it's a good thing my bed has been waiting for you all along," Jon eventually responds. "Come on, let's get you into it."

Gerry allows himself to be tucked in, although he refuses food and is only convinced with great reluctance to take two ibuprofen. His eyes remain stubbornly open, but the moment Jon finishes his own nighttime activities and slips into bed with him, Gerry curls around him, and promptly passes out.

The next morning, Gerry sleeps far longer than he normally would, even though he went to sleep several hours before his typical bedtime.

When he surfaces, approaching midday, he's groggy and stiff and feels rather hungover. Gerry thinks maybe a hangover would be better- at least then he would have had a good time to compliment his current misery.

Despite that, as he blinks his eyes open, the strains of gentle piano music drift through the flat, and he can't help the smile that spreads across his face. It’s not particularly loud, and Gerry is incredibly soothed by it. In fact, when he says he likes being at Jon’s flat, this is why. He often sits down to play in the softest moments, if Gerry and Martin are around. Any normal, oft-repeated, potentially boring activity could be made delightful and atmospheric if Jon is sitting at the piano.

Jon had once confessed that he vastly preferred playing when one or both of them were around to hear it.

"At least half of the joy of music is in the audience," Jon had confessed quietly to them one day. "And you two are the best audience of all."

Now, as he wakes gently to the sound of his partner making music, Gerry can’t help but feel special and treasured. Never before in his life had he picked up the phone in a crisis with the complete certainty that there would be a loving voice on the other end. He had not even realized he was lacking such reliability until he had come to be able to depend on it, but now that it exists, he shies away from even the thought that he might lose it again.

He takes a moment to consider the current reality of their relationship. He obviously loves them, has always loved Jon, from the moment he growled at Gerry in the literature section of the library when he was seventeen-years-old. Now Martin fits with them both so well, Gerry wouldn’t know how to breathe without him. They’re it for him, he can see that clearly.

He can see it in the way that pain and illness drove him straight to Jon like true north and the way he managed to care for him through it perfectly.

He can see it in the way that Martin never seems to be less affected by finding Gerry in his bookstore, and the way Gerry’s heart feels hot and heavy in his chest every time Martin finds him still and focused and takes a moment to braid his hair in one way or another.

He can even see it in the way he immediately self-destructed when he thought he was going to lose them, pushing every part of his life into immediate turmoil at the thought of being alone again. Family-less. Without his Jon, and his Martin.

And he can see that he’s it for them too, in the way they clung to him to keep him together when he almost sunk the whole thing.

They are, he can see now, as essential to one another as breathing.

Gerry suddenly wishes that this could be the home that they all share. He wishes that every time one of them came home to him, they never had to leave to do laundry or water plants. He wishes, most of all, that this music could fill his house and his heart every morning, and that he would never again have to wake up trying to remember whose bed he was in - because they all shared the same one.

He hopes, desperately, that one day that will be their reality. Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, he’s confident he can convince he’s partners to stick around for good.

Until then, he’s content to be so loved that he needs three toothbrushes.

Gerry thinks maybe he drifts off again, because the next thing he knows, Jon is gently kissing his hand to wake him, a cup of tea in his other.

“Hi,” Jon whispers, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Hey there,” Gerry offers in return, slowly sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. “How are you today?”

Gerry takes the tea and sips it gratefully, finding it sweet and herbal. Camomile, he thinks, but wouldn’t swear his life on it at that moment.

“How bad could I be?” Jon asks, a mischievous glint in his eye, “I have a beautiful boy in my bed and I think I’ll keep him there all day.”

“Does this stunning nocturnal visitor get a say in the matter or…?” Gerry manages to offer a slightly dimmer version of his flirtatious grin.

“Maybe, if he makes it worth my while.” Jon teases, before sobering a little. “How are you though? You seemed in a pretty bad way last night.”

“I think I’m fine now, I guess it was just a fluke.” Gerry stretches, joints popping.

Jon picks up the tea to take a sip.

“It’s not as good as when Martin makes it.” He mutters to himself, grimacing.

Gerry finishes stretching, rather like a cat again, before shifting up onto his knees to hover slightly above Jon, as is his preference. “Maybe, but it’s still my favourite kind of thing because it's something you made for me.”

Jon reaches up, wrapping a hand around Gerry’s neck and pulling his lips down to meet his own. It’s gentle and dragging, and they tangle together enjoyably for several minutes. Gerry pulls away to kiss Jon’s cheeks, his nose, his forehead. Eventually Jon giggles and pushes him away, handing the tea back over in an effort to distract him.

“Do you want anything to eat?” Jon queries.

“Not just yet. Maybe a shower?”

“That sounds like a good plan. You should take it easy today.” Jon pauses, considering his next suggestion. “And maybe I could convince you to take tonight off from the bar too? Then we can all spend the evening together.”

"Yes, I think I could be tempted to do exactly that."

Gerry lingers in the shower, letting the water work out his stiffness and lift the fog hanging pervasively over him.

He washes his hair with Jon's shampoo and hopes the scent will linger on him. He decides not to shave, feeling too loose and lazy to handle any sharp objects.

Jon force-feeds him after, and then he braids Gerry's hair to keep it out his face.

"I can't believe you never braided your hair before you met Martin," Jon says as his fingers move through his hair rhythmically.

Gerry shrugs. "There was never anyone to teach me on myself, and my mother was bald for my entire formative life, so I couldn't learn from her."

Jon hums in acknowledgement.

"Speaking of Martin, where is our errant lover?" Gerry asks buoyantly, bouncing slightly.

Jon laughs at him, "Apparently he was out all night and then crashed on Tim's couch. He's going to come over later when he's managed to disinfect himself."

After, they move back to bed to read their books and rest, basking in the simple comfort of each other's presence, waiting for their third.

#the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #gerry keay #jongerrymartin #fic #also on ao3

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whirlybirbs · 5 years ago

Text

☄ ----- MOONRISE RADIO.

summary: you’re hawkins high’s new science teacher, faculty advisor for the newly reinstated hawkins av club, and crazy townie who overhears a russian comminucae on a broken ham radio. chief jim hopper is into it. joyce is a good wing-woman and the kids just want to listen the the buggles. pairing: jim hopper x reader, murphy as a placeholder surname. rating: t, some swears. word count: 3.8k a/n: this is a season three au! here’s the set up for all the drabbles i am going to end up writing for hopper bc he literally owns my whole ass, thanks, enjoy ;)

Hawkins, Indiana is a small town.

For this exact reason, Chief of Police Jim Hopper knows everyone.

... Seriously.

Everyone.

Hawkins is kind of like Saturn: try to leave its orbit and you’ll get caught in the rings -- literally. Y’know, high school sweethearts marry one another, settling down, and boom! Hopper winds up at their end-of-the-cul-de-sacs on domestic dispute calls and reunites with that shithead co-captain of Hawkins basketball team who keyed his car Sophomore year.

Life in Hawkins is a never-ending cycle of existence that renders everyone in the small town a familiar face. Everyone knows everyone’s business. Everyone knows everyone.

And everyone certainly knows Jim Hopper.

So, imagine his surprise when after her first day of high school, over a ravoli dinner, El nudges a crumbled pink piece of paper his way with an excited look on her face. The paper is well-loved paper and home to her new class schedule, a point of interest -- she’s marked what classes she has with the boys and Max.

“I like science,” she says with a full mouth, “Fun.”

El points to her sixth period.

Imagine Chief of Police Jim Hopper’s surprise when he sees an unfamiliar name. Someone he doesn’t know.

And she teaches science.

Summer fades with a wave of heat and full moons.

The last week of August creeps up on you and before you even realize it, you’re moving into the cleared out room of a retired Mrs. Gomez and hanging your own name up on the door along with three planetary mobiles, a periodic table and a big exo terra tank for the freshmen class pet on the back windowsill.

One period turns into six, and a week turns into three.

Your life begins again, Hawkins style.

“Miss Murphy!”

You’re wiping down the chalkboard, smearing drawings of ionic bonds into dust when the stampede begins.

Typical Friday.

You like Mike and Will and Lucas and Dustin and El and Maxine. The little squadron of hellions had managed to win you over easily within the first three weeks of school -- between the abundant D&D references and constant “curiosity voyages”, you’d seemingly become their go-to with questions, gossip, and over-all mentor-ship.

The whole bunch of them sat together in your sixth period class, and the whole bunch of them were really the only ones excited about Dash, that aforementioned freshmen class pet that you’d scooped up behind the school and saved from being roadkill.

El immediately wanders to the tank and makes sure the heat lamp is on.

You can’t help but smile. These are good students. You like them. They like you.

Maybe it’s because when you were younger, you were just like them.

It’s like a sixth sense. They just... know.

“We have a question.”

“Is it about reptiles again?” you chirp, wiping your hands, “I don’t know, like, anything about komodo dragons, Dustin, I told you --”

“No!” Dustin waves his hands, hopping up onto the edge of your desk, “No, this is about the AV Club.”

“AV Club?”

Mike rolls his eyes. “The AV Club!”

You blink. All six of them are looking at you expectantly. You deadpan.

“You lost me.”

“She’s new here, guys,” Will sighs, gently nudging Lucas who makes an O with his mouth, “Remember?”

“Right, right, right,” Dustin sighs, waving his hands with a charismatic no-front-teeth smile, “Sorry, Murph, my excitement precedes me --”

You shoot Dustin a look. No nicknames. He knows the rule.

“Make it quick,” you groan, waving an apologetic Dustin off your desk as you begin to collect papers from the previous period, “I have the open house tonight and I gotta get some grading done before -- you’ve got fifteen to catch me up on this AV Club thing.”

Lucas claps his hands. They all settle into the desks in-front of you.

You narrow your eyes.

Mike begins.

“So, there’s all this old radio station equipment in the top of the gym...”

You wring your hands.

You fiddle with the hem of your dress.

This is nerve-wracking.

For the first time in a while, you curse the fact you’ve got mostly freshmen in your classes -- with every new round of bright blue visitors stickers, parents are eager to pick your bones when you begin talking about your curriculum, expectations and the like. I mean, it’s good, you guess, that there’s parents who are engaged but... as a new teach at Hawkins, you can’t help but feel like you’re missing a part of the bit.

It’s nearing the end of the night now and you’ve noticed the parents don’t greet you like they do the other teachers. Like... like friends.

Maybe it’s because you’re new.

New to the town, too. Not just teaching high school science, you mean.

You wonder if all the news stories pouring out of that Hawkins Lab have anything to do with how cheap rent is in the area. The multi-family unit you’ve settled into is in a nicer suburb in town -- green lawns, a playground, neighborhood BBQs... You’d moved on the pretense of your hiring, excited at the chance to get out of the city for a while and live a quieter life.

You jump six feet in the air when someone knocks on the door-frame of your classroom.

“Oh my god --”

Your hand flies to your chest.

“Uh, sorry -- Sorry, is this... is this Miss Murphy’s room?”

The first thing you notice is the badge. It glints in the florescence.

The next thing you notice is... him. I mean, he’s tall -- tall and broad and intimidating but... soft. His eyes are tired and his voice is quiet and you’re staring, Jesus Christ, you’re staring --

Chief of Police Jim Hopper has never felt smaller.

You’re new -- definitely new. Hopper knows, in that moment, that you must be, He would remember someone like you. I mean, how could he not?

(Everyone knows he’s got a soft spot for beautiful women, but he’s damn near mush right now. Pudding. His knees are pudding. He is an idiot and his knees are pudding.)

He makes the doorway look tiny.

You sputter. “Y-yes! Yes, it is. Hi, I’m, uh, Miss Murphy.”

“I figured,” he chirps, lips quirking under his mustache. He waves the piece of paper in his hands, “Kinda... kinda said so on the schedule, y’know?”

“Jim!”

Immediately, someone shoulders his backside.

Right in the damn kidney.

“Christ, Joyce, ow --”

“Be nice!” she cries with a laugh, stepping around him.

The woman is comically smaller than the police officer before you. Joyce has a kind smile and sweet doe eyes and she excitedly rushes to shake both your hands in her own.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she gushes, “Will has said so many great things about you --”

Your eyes widen. “You’re Will’s mother? Will Byers?”

“Yes!” she nods, “Yes, and, uh, this is Hopper --”

Joyce nearly snorts when Jim just blinks. She elbows him. He jumps.

He was staring.

“Jim Hopper,” he clears his throat, trying to regain any semblance of composure. This really knocked him off his game -- you really knocked him off his game. He was fully expecting some nasty old widow to be teaching, not a young, brightly dressed woman who’s smiling at him, Christ almighty, smiling, “Chief of Police.”

He offers his hand. You shake it and your lips quirk. “Are you... here to investigate me, or...?”

“Oh!” his eyes widen, “No, no, uh -- El is my daughter. Adopted.”

“Ah, right. Miss El. Got it,” you laugh a little, nodding, “Groovy.”

“Groovy.”

(Joyce narrows her eyes, grinning between yourself and Hopper. Groovy indeed.)

“She was nice.”

Jim’s cigarette glows red in the evening September air. Joyce, beside him, has this horrible, conniving look on her face -- the same look she gave him when she convinced him to ask Jenny Gonzalez out Junior year -- and Jim immediately goes on the defense.

“I dunno what you’re talkin’ about.”

“Miss Murphy,” Joyce grins, “I saw you staring.”

“I was not.”

“C’mon, Jim,” she chirps, “She’s pretty --”

“Yeah, a pretty bad idea.”

Joyce rolls her eyes so hard Hopper can feel it.

“Listen,” Jim says, flicking his cigarette into the pavement, “With everything goin’ on, I don’t have time for something like that.”

“Jim, stuff like that doesn’t care if you’ve got time.”

Joyce watches him climb into his truck. He slams the door shut,

“If it’s meant to be, it happens anyways!”

He narrows his eyes.

Then, cranks the window down and raises one finger.

“Not on my watch.”

Famous last words, Jim Hopper. Famous last words.

Happy Monday.

“I’m joining AV Club.”

“...What?”

“AV Club. Science. Fun.”

Hopper just takes a looooooong sip from his morning coffee. Eleven stabs her eggos. She forks a hunk into her mouth and chews.

Hopper takes another sip.

“AV Club.”

“Yes. Radios.”

“Radios.”

“Yes.”

You’re sweating.

The storage space of Hawkins High’s gym is ninety degrees at least -- and here you are, brandishing a flashlight in the dark as the Mighty Hellions dig through the space and pull box after box from the makeshift sauna.

“Think this stuff still works, Murph?” Maxine asks.

You ignore the informal nickname and pull open a box to eye a bundle of cables. They’re in good shape. The mic, at the bottom, is too if not a little grimy.

“I don’t see why not.”

After a grueling hour and a half, they finally set up shop in the closet across the hall from your classroom. It’s usually where they keep glassware and Bunsen burners but... with a little begging and a dejected look from Dustin, you grant them their plea and help them set up the impromptu radio station with relative ease.

The desk in the center of the room -- Mrs. Gomez’s old one -- is a little wobbly, but it works.

“And now,” says Mike, “The moment of truth.”

El flicks the switch.

And nothing happens.

Not so Happy Monday.

"How was AV Club?”

“Sad.”

Hopper’s mouth is full.

“Sad...?”

“Radio is broken.”

“Oh,” Hop hums, “M’ sorry, kid.”

“It’s okay,” El says slowly, looking out the window on the ride home, “Miss Murphy buying us new wires.”

Hopper blinks. “Miss Murphy?”

“Yes. Nice.”

Very.

Joyce rings you out the next evening at Melvald’s.

“I’m surprised you didn’t try Starcourt.”

You laugh a little. “What, that super mall?”

“I heard they’ve got everything,” Joyce chirps, “Will and the kids go there nearly every weekend. Ice cream, movies... you name it. A great place for a date, I bet.”

You laugh and pull out your wallet. “Oh to be young and in love.”

“No kidding,” she grins, taking the cash, “Speaking of... are you...?”

“Young?” you laugh, propping your elbows up on the counter, “Or in love?”

“Either.”

You like Joyce. She’s funny.

“No,” you sigh, “Nope. No, not right now. Neither. I spend my Tuesday nights with wine and a TV dinner.”

“Y’know,” Joyce hums, a knowing look in her eye as she bags the radio supplies, “I know someone who does the same exact thing.”

It’s Miller High Life, actually. And Tostitos.

That’s besides the point, though, because while Joyce is still very much on his case about the new science teacher, Jim is very much focused on the fact none of the stations god damn radios are working.

He could really go for a beer right now.

Something is jamming the signal.

Actually, to clarify -- the same fucking song on repeat is jamming the signal.

For the last two hours, it’s just been Video Killed the Radio Star by The Buggles over and over and over and over again. And then again, just for good measure. On the fourth round of the song, Jim had unceremoniously lobbed his walkie across the station. On the tenth, he’d yanked the chord for the radio out of the wall.

If Hopper hears that fuckin’ oh oh sound one more time, he’s going to lose it.

Callahan just shrugs when, finally, the music stops and the booming voice of Dustin Henderson comes over every walkie in the room.

“GOOOOOOOOOOD EVENING, HAWKINS INDIANA!”

Hopper peels into the high school parking lot.

Long strides carry him through halls that he knows way too damn well -- halls that wind and turn and lead him right to room 305. Your name is scrawled across the door alongside a picture of a constellation and a beaker.

But, the classroom is empty.

And then he hears it.

“-- OH OH! VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR! --”

“I am so sorry, Chief Hopper -- I had no idea that was the PD’s frequency.”

You’re wringing your hands but you’re also two beats from laughing and Hopper is really trying to keep it together because... I mean, it’s funny.

Jim pinches the bridge of his nose. He feels bad. He... well, he probably shouldn’t have slapped the broadcasting mic out of Dustin’s hands. He’s got a short wire now-a-days, blame the whole Hawkins Lab incident and the fact he’s essentially harboring a fugitive and allowing aforementioned fugitive to go to high school and jam radio channels with Today’s Top 40 in her free time.

“No, no -- I... It’s fine. It’s fine, really, just...”

Hopper drops his hand. You’re trying your best to hide a smile that’s threatening to sweep across your whole face.

“Do not let Dustin play any more of The Buggles, okay?”

You chew your lip and lean closer, whispering. “... Did it really play for two hours straight?”

Hopper’s nostrils flare. He nods weakly. You note the missing walkie from his belt.

And then you burst into laughter.

You buy more cassettes at Melvald’s the next week.

“Oh,” Joyce grins, holding up a Madonna album before scanning it across check-out with a beep, “Nice stuff -- is this for AV Club?”

You laugh. “Let me guess, Chief Hopper told you about ‘The Incident’?”

Joyce's lips quirk and she tilts her head, eyeing you carefully as you bite back a smile and muscle out your wallet from your bag. “... No, he did not.”

“The kids were on the wrong frequency,” you gesture, a bit sheepish, “And, I mean, I had no idea until Chief Hopper had to come to the high school and let us know that he’d been listening to Video Killed the Radio Star for two hours straight.”

“Oh god.”

“Yeah,” you raise your brows, pull a face and mimic the catchy hook, “Oh oh god.”

Joyce snorts.

“It’s not working!”

“Boys,” you sigh heavily, “Just... Just let me look at it.”

There’s a scramble and the sea of bodies part. Max and El are posted by the door, watching with a dejected sort of disappointment. Your knees hit the floor and you ignore the fact your jeans are going to be covered in nasty dust from the underside of Mrs. Gomez desk. Your necklace jingles and you sigh, settling on your back and waving for Dustin to pass you the flashlight.

“Did Hopper break it?” it’s Mike, “If Hopper broke it, I swear to shit --”

“Language.”

“Sorry.”

You squint, pushing apart the mess of wires and sighing loudly when you find the problem.

It’s... weird. Like... Like some of the wires have been chewed clean through.

“Looks like one of the wires is frayed.”

“Frayed?!”

You take the main component home with you.

It’s sitting on your passenger side seat when you pull into Melvald’s.

In the spot in-front of the store sits a Hawkins Police Dept. truck with a CHIEF decal on the side.

“She’s funny and smart and came in here and talked about you --”

“Talked about me?” Jim’s leaned against the counter, coke in his hands, “Hold on, what? You didn’t tell me that.”

“Yeah,” Joyce’s voice lilts, “She, uh, was telling me about The Buggles incident.”

Jim groans.

“Oh, yeah, when I nearly drove my fist through the kids’ new hobby?”

“-- Funny, she left that part out --”

“I made an ass of myself, Joyce.”

“Hey,” Joyce coos, throwing her hands, “Maybe she likes that about you... y’know... your uncanny ability to be a... uh, an ass?”

“Nice.”

“I’m kidding.”

The shop door dings and Chief of Police Jim Hopper chokes on his diet coke.

You stop short in the doorway.

The store is mostly empty -- it’s almost closing time, anyways -- and you can’t help but feel like you’re intruding on Hopper and Joyce’s conversation, especially when Hopper is cursing and wiping at the soda spilled down the front of him.

Overhead, Movin’ Out by Billy Joel plays.

“-- Workin’ too hard can give you a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack --”

“Miss Murphy!” Joyce grins, “Hi there!”

“Hi Joyce,” you smile, nearing the counter. You can’t help but hide a smirk as Hopper sighs and stands. He drops his hands to his side and you get a full view of the coke down the front of his uniform, “Chief.”

(A little part of him dies inside then.)

(Joyce sees it.)

“Evening, Miss Murphy.”

“Rough night?”

“Little bit,” he heaves, downing the rest of his soda and crushing the can. He lobs it into the trash can beside the register with ease, “Well, duty calls, ladies.”

“Duty calls?” Joyce asks, crossing her arms. Suspicion paints her features.

She’s trying to get him to stay -- trying to goad him into a conversation with you, just like she always does, but the problem is that Joyce is a great wing-woman and honestly?

That kind of terrifies him.

It’s been a minute and a half since he’s considered anything more than a one-night stand with someone. He’s been busy, y’know, saving this dimension and keeping a top-secret government facility secret.

“Yeah,” he deadpans, not feeding into it, “Duty.”

“Duty.”

You blink between them both.

Jim’s out the door with the tinker of the overhead bell.

Ouch. You turn to Joyce.

“I don’t think he likes me very much.”

Famous last words.

“Testing, one, two, three --”

You groan, switch frequencies one more time, and throw your hands.

Maybe the whole Hawkins High Radio Station idea was never meant to come to fruition. It hurts to admit it and you know the kids are going to be so damn upset, but no amount of soldering and wire replacements seems to be getting this hunk of junk to give out any sort of signal.

You take a long drink from your glass of wine and collapse back onto the couch.

Then, you hear it.

"I’ll be sure to let Chief Hopper know, Miss Murphy.”

“Listen, I... Is he here? I’m kinda in a rush and this is sort of important --”

You’re pushing past Florence, the nice secretary, before you even realize it.

You’d known Hawkins was a weird town. That much was pretty clear from the odd disappearances, government labs and toxic leaks. But this... this is more than just weird. This is borderline panic inducing.

Hopper has a cigarette between his lips and his hat on his desk when you barge in.

He jumps six feet in the air and spills his coffee.

“Jesus --”

“Listen, Chief, I know you’re a real busy guy, but --”

“I am so sorry, Jim,” it’s Florence, moving to put herself between you and the Chief, “Miss Murphy, please, if you can take a seat, Chief Hopper would love to hear all about your top secret Russian communicae when he’s done his coffee --”

When Jim’s eyes widen a mile, you realize he knows something you don’t.

Jim feels small in your living room.

It’s a nice place -- furnished with plants and art and your TV has a stack of sci-fi movies atop of it. In the middle of your rug, though, sits the ham radio surrounded by a winding mess of wires. It’s off, and when you near it, you wring your hands. You’re nervous, he can tell. You can hardly stand still.

“Do you think I’m crazy?”

Hopper blinks. He clears his throat. “What?”

“This... Hopper, I swear, I heard Russian --”

“No, I... I believe you,” he says slowly, narrowing his eyes, “Hawkins is a...”

“Weird town?”

“Weird town.”

You nod slowly then, crank the on switch, and the radio hums alive in a language neither of you know.

Hopper just sighs.

“... What do you know about radios?”

“It’s close,” you say finally, blinking up from the manual, “It has to be -- I mean, this specefic model only broadcasts and receives up to fifteen miles. That’s... what? Like, all of Hawkins?”

“Just about,” Jim hums, hands on his chin, “and what about the channels?”

“I mean, it’s messy -- I hijacked your frequency. On accident.”

Hopper smothers a smirk with a drag of his cigarette. You grin. His office back at Hawkins PD falls quiet for a moment and you catch yourself staring again. Across from him, you squirm a bit in your seat and turn your attention back to the Olympia Radio booklet.

“There’s no way of tracking the channels,” you sigh, “I... I dunno. I’m kinda out of my element here.”

“What is your element?”

“Chemistry,” you chirp, “And biology. And some physics.”

“Chemistry, huh?”

“Speaking of which, I know you don’t like me much but,” you rush, blinking up at him, “Thanks for believing me.”

The moment would have been sweet if Hopper hadn’t reeled backwards, like he’s been punched. His face screws up in confusion and he waves, cigarette smoke halo-ing around his head as his mustache twitches.

“Wait... hold on --”

“It’s okay,” you console, “Seriously, I... I’m new around here, I... I get it a lot. Folks don’t really trust the new girl next door. Especially with everything that’s been going on.”

“I... I never said --”

You serve him a look.

“Duty?”

“... I panicked.”

“Panicked?”

Hopper sighs. “You’re just as bad as Joyce.”

Your brows raise. “Are you and her...?”

“No!” he cries, “No, no, I... I am single, I am very single, and I am very busy, but despite that, I still would like to ask you out to dinner, and that is terrifying, okay --”

You blink. “You... what?”

Jim’s about to try and dig himself out of his metaphorical grave when the radio flares up again.

You scramble to grab the recorder and Jim turns the volume up -- quickly, you record the repetitive sentence and when the line finally goes silent again, you spare Hopper a look.

“How about dinner and Russian For Dummies?”

#stranger things imagine #jim hopper x reader #chief hopper x reader #hopper x reader #jim hopper imagine #moonrise radio #stranger things headcanon #stranger things reader insert #jim hopper headcanon

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achtung-attitude · 4 years ago

Photo

CHAPTER 36: Weezer - Part 1

From his porch on Mulholland Drive, All-Kill sits, looking out across Los Angeles. The view is beautiful at night, but on this particular morning, it looks muggy and uncomfortable. “Yeon-in,” he calls.

At his summons, the wolf appears with a bottle of Korean soju held in its jaws. With surprising dexterity, it places the bottle on a small table next to its master. All-Kill pets his companion between the ears, then unscrews the cap, pouring the rice wine into a small glass and sipping from it.

“Little early for that, isn’t it?” T’onga says, stepping out of the house and standing behind the chair.

“I’m in a celebratory mood… Have you taken care of everything? The stragglers and loose ends?” the boss replies, keeping his eyes on the view.

“Yeah. Of course,” she says numbly.

“Good. Then the time to strike is now. Go to where Dust is and use HOUSE OF PAIN to eliminate him. No matter what you say or what it takes, do that above all else. It makes no difference what kind of ability Dust has. Once you get him into the room, he’s no match for you. I have every confidence. As far as I’m concerned, we’ve already won.” He punctuates his statement with another sip of soju and a smile.

“Right… Where’s Sang-ok?” T’onga asks.

“At his apartment. I’ll call him over when you’re done.”

“…And Sumni?”

At the mention of this name, there is a long pause between the two, as All-Kill places his glass down. “…She’s on standby, as usual. Why? What difference does it make?”

“Oh… it doesn’t. I was just wondering where everybody was. See you later, boss…” she turns a leaves, stepping back inside the house. All-Kill turns his head and keeps his eye on her until she leaves his sight. The wolf at his feet whines softly.

“Anaheim…” he mutters, and nothing more.

---

The Anaheim Convention Center and Arena! One of the largest gathering spots in all of Southern California, a stone’s throw away from the famous Disneyland, home to every sort of convention for every sort of event, from company-wide get-togethers, to the biggest sporting event, down to the most niche of fan conventions. And this time of year, it's home to the one and only...

TubeCon, the world’s convention for the no. 1 video-sharing network, VidTube! Here, everyone from video bloggers, pranksters, game streamers and the ever underappreciated animators gather to engage with their fans and celebrate their work.

They mill about like termites, some old, but most young, moving between stall after stall, buying merch, taking selfies. Among them are content creators, many of whom film themselves on their phones. Their voices can be heard clearly over the general din.

“EY ITS UR BOY MERCINATOR MEETING UP WITH SOME FANS!!!”

“EY WHAT UP GUYS IT'S YO BOY RATMATT HERE AT TUBECON!!!”

“WE'RE THE SLY BROTHERS AND WE'RE HERE AT TUBECON TO GET PEOPLE'S REACTIONS TO MEETING US!!!”

At the far end of the auditorium, three men in their thirties play video games on a couch under the scrutiny of over a hundred people.

“Julio,” one demands of his bearded companion, “would you rather eat a man or acquire a nice tan?”

“I don’t… What kind of question is that, Neil?” Julio splutters.

“Julio, answer the question!” demands the third.

“What is this place...?” Kilo mutters, taking in the atmosphere with distaste, having found himself and his friends beckoned here.

“This is probably what Hell looks like,” Moya remarks, with a thousand-yard stare. In the midst of this controlled chaos, she and Kilo stand protectively between Shizuka, who stares doe-eyed into the crowd, searching for something. For someone. Frowning, she reaches into her inside pocket and pulls out the message for the hundredth time.

I WILL MEET YOU AT ANAHEIM and a drawing of an impossible triangle, written in permanent marker, and three tickets to this very convention. Nothing else was in the envelope delivered to Jerome’s mansion. Shizuka turns the message around, but all she sees on the back is the marker ink bleeding through the paper.

“Whoever it was that sent that letter…” Kilo grumbles, peering over her shoulder at it, “ least they could’ve done is be a little more specific. So what now, cop?” he turns to Moya, “We just supposed to stand around here, waitin’ for somebody to walk up on us?”

“This is our best move,” Moya replies, squinting suspiciously into the crowd, “For now, we have to assume the worst and that this is a Congregation trap. They’ve been one step ahead of us this whole time, and even now they still have the advantage. But waiting around in C-King’s house won’t get us any closer to stopping them, so we may as well take the chance and handle what comes of it. And besides… if T’onga really did send that message, then I don’t know when we’ll get another chance to get this close to her. No matter what happens, we can’t get separated. As long as we stick together, I’m confident we can take anything that comes our way!”

“Hrrmh… I hope you’re right…” Kilo says. Shizuka says nothing during this exchange, but looks up from the letter, glaring resolutely.

“HEY, YOU GUYS!!” shouts a loud, raucous cry, directed at the three of them. Immediately, SATURN BARZ and WITCH MOUNTAIN come out, only to recede soon after. A man in his late 20s wearing mirror-shades suddenly stands right in front of Shizuka.

With painfully artificial exuberance, the man in sunglasses shouts, “You’re next in line, huh, bros?! Great!! Don’t be shy, I always have time for fans! Here, lemme get that for you!” He says, taking the paper from Shizuka’s hand.

“Ah…! Hey, wait…!!” she starts, but the guy soons hands it back to her, but not before scrawling chicken scratch on the back in red ink.

“Who the fuck is this…?” Kilo mutters. He then glances behind him and notices for the first time a line has formed behind them, composed of teenage girls and boys, the eldest surely no older than 14. Without moving from their spot, the trio appear to have become part of an autograph line.

“Now you got your autograph, how about a selfie?!” the shaded vlogger announces to Shizuka, already pulling out a smartphone and attaching it to a telescopic pole. “It’ll be legit, for real! You’re bound to get a ton of likes on your feed once people see me on it!”

“Ah… N-no, thanks,” Shizuka responds, taken aback, “I’m kind… of waiting for-”

“Come on, honey, no need to be shy!” he announces again, sidling up beside her with his selfie stick raised over them, “You’re talking a major boost in online cred if you get seen with me! I’m kind of a big deal on YouTube, in case you didn’t know!” Bearing over her, he reaches a hand across her shoulders, “And hey, if we hang out a little more, maybe I can give you a few tips on how to get your own channel started! I could send a few early subscribers your way, if you do me a couple favors. What do you sGGLKH!!”

He chokes, his tongue lolling out as Moya lifts him, one-handed, by the back of his t-shirt collar. Kilo, meanwhile, grabs the selfie stick out of his hand, breaks it in half over his knee, then pitches the phone to the other side of the auditorium. The teenagers in the line behind them gasp. Moya drops him, and they and Shizuka moves away from him, stepping around him like garbage.

“H-Hey! Wait up!!” The vlogger shouts, rubbing his neck and beginning to pursue them, “Hey! You guys! Who do you fuckin’ think you are?! Hey, I said--!!” Kilo and Moya turn at once, fixing him with furious expressions. “Yeah, what?”, they say at the same time.

The vlogger appears to forget how to speak for a moment. Then he scurries off to retrieve his phone, shouting back, “My followers are gonna hear about this, you hear me?!”

Shizuka hardly notices his departure, merely brushing lint off her shoulder. Kilo and Moya exchange a concerned glance.

---

The vlogger weaves his way through the crowd, eventually finding his phone lying on the ground with a cracked screen. Upon sight, he rushes to retrieve it, but crashes into a tall man in a hoodie from behind. “Hey! Watch where you’re going, jackass!” he berates before stooping to pick up his phone. The guy in the hoodie slouches, removing his earbuds from his ears and scratching his oversized afro.

Before the vlogger stands back up, he starts wheezing. He manages to release a few choked coughs, which go unnoticed by anyone, before his neck and face begin to swell up like a balloon and his face turns a shade of pale blue.

“Anaphylactic shock, huh? Nasty...” says Toto, and nothing more. By the time he finishes his remark, the vlogger is already dead and he has lost all interest in him. He peers over the crowd. His eyes fall upon the trio, then he slides himself into the back corridors.

Without a care in the world, he strides through the service hallways, eventually coming to the security control center. He opens the door with a stolen clearance card and enters the room, shutting the door behind him. Two dead security guards are propped up against the wall, their faces blotchy and swollen. Toto sits down at the surveillance desk and finds the trio on one of the monitors.

“They’re clinging to each other like…” he mutters to himself, keeping them in sight at all times. “Like… Like, uh… Liiiike… Oh! Like tar and feathers! … No, no, not like that, not like tar and feathers, more like…” he stops abruptly and furrows his brow deeply, searching for the correct analogy. “Flies on hot shit? No, no… Oh, yeah! Like atomic particles! Two little electrons orbiting around a neutron/proton center! That’s perfect!” He smiles, delighted. Then his smile drops.

“Wait, hold on, if the three of them are an atom, then wouldn’t splitting them up be totally bad?” he mutters, beads of sweat suddenly appearing on his forehead, “When you split an atom up, you get nuclear fusion, in other words a big fuckass huge explosion…! Applyin’ that here… Dust wanted me to separate the Joestar princess from her friends, but what if that’s a bad idea…?! What if the best bet is to take ‘em all here and now, together…?! No no no, fighting ‘em all at once is no good either, their abilities are too strong…!

“Aaagh, did I do enough, did I miss anything?! I been here for an hour and I made sure to touch as many people as I could, but what if it ain’t enough?! What if all the people I came into contact left already?! Uuuurghh…!!” he frets manically over this, pinching his temples as his thoughts race. Then at last he freezes, and his relaxed posture returns.

“Don’t be stupid,” he admonishes himself, “It’s just an expression, they ain’t really atoms. They just people. Caught in the flow of fate, just like everybody. Does no good to worry over how things’ll turn out. Split ‘em up, cram ‘em together… It’s all the same at the End of Time…” Fully calmed down, he reaches for the microphone and leans into it.

Affecting an officious, professional tone, he speaks into the PA, “Attention, all convention-goers, attention all convention-goers. The Paulie Paul panel event will be commencing in ten minutes. Please proceed to the cordoned area in Hall D in an orderly fashion. Thank you.” Finished, he watches with satisfaction at the silent stampede that begins, which slams into the trio, tearing them apart.

He reaches into his front pocket and pulls out a pre-rolled spliff. He regards it for a moment, taking in the herbal scent, before shaking his head. “No, no… No time. Gotta work…” he says, getting up and leaving the security office, heading for the exhibit halls.

#jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo no kimyou na bouken #achtung attitude #shizuka joestar #kilo staples #moya pezzente #toto #ch36

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nyrator · 4 years ago

Text

random exploration of thoughts while I’m sleep deprived/post-migraine and aspirin’d up

mainly about gifts/migraine thoughts and random art idea

sleep is weird, keep debating fixing it, but then never wanting to actually commit to going to bed. Going to try to sleep at 4AM tonight, at least. Essentially stayed up all night last night, though, with a few semi-conscious naps during the day.

Kresna got me a weighted blanket to help with my anxiety, which was really nice. I’m curious to see how it may help. Between the blanket and my body being exhausted from getting back into Ring Fit for the past three days, it feels very easy to just melt into bed. Wondering if I should sleep with it regularly or not.

he also got me that Kondo manga about tidying up because I am a mess lately (rippp), but shout outs to him, he a good and he does his best to take care of me.

Been feeling guilty about Christmas honestly- time left my hands and the original gift idea I had took way too long to ship (was estimated to arrive between Dec 6th-Jan 11th, I was gambling it’d ship earlier rather than later, but realizing it’s most likely going to arrive after Christmas), so once I got confirmation that it shipped and would more likely be there in January than December, I decided to go with plan B- get him a proper gift that he could still open on Christmas day and have the other gift be his birthday present instead.

But I took too long to figure out what to get him, and when it finally hit me, the deadline was already close, and the item I wanted to get him was out of stock for a few days. I also thought it’d be a good idea to wrap it- it felt like just sending him an Amazon box wasn’t the same, it wouldn’t have the same heart behind it. So I ordered it anyway, and it said it’d be back and stock and arrive by tomorrow (today? Wednesday), which was very late, but I was still hopeful- If I used GXG shipping, it’d get there in 1-3 business days, which is very expensive ($100+), but it’d be there on time. But it just sat there, never shipping, until today, and now arriving Friday, Amazon tells me. Meaning, I don’t think there’s any way for me to get him a gift he can open on Christmas, and I have only my own poor time management to blame.

My one hope is that the first gift miraculously arrives on time, but given covid, holidays, and the fact that it’s shipping from Australia to Canada, I have my doubts. But we shall see...

but yes, in other news

main thing I felt like ranting about was migraines and also creating things

So had a partial migraine today randomly, usually I feel the aura and know I’m probably getting one the moment I wake up, but today it just happened the moment I stopped playing a game (good ol’ 100% Orange Juice), and it’s interesting trying to analyze my headache/migraine stuffs. The way my head feels is interesting- It’s always behind the left eye, always feels like it goes from either my sinuses or the nerves in the back of my neck to that eye. And my head is very... mentally tense?

It’s like, when I try to relax my face and neck, clear my thoughts, I feel just how tightly wound my thoughts are. I hear five different 100% OJ tracks playing at the same time, I hear all the character voices talking at the same time, and it’s like a slideshow in my head- the game is fast paced of course, that might have something to do with it, but it felt like games were just playing back in my memories on fast forward, all in a single instant. As well as thoughts about other things, personal things, creating things, the Christmas gift, it’s all so tightly wound in my subconscious going at a mile a minute.

It feels like my brain gets overstimulated, I guess is the best way to describe it. I still don’t know what causes it exactly- I’ve been playing OJ for three days, and the first two days were completely fine, but maybe lack of sleep had something to do with today. Maybe chocolate intake? I did increase my eating habits a bit, then lowered them a little bit, but from like no bars a day to four-five bars a day to 2-3 bars a day (by bars I mean those little bite sized bars).

And of course, then I just can’t think at all- Getting stressed while talking might also play a factor, maybe. Was stressing out a bit mentally, and by the time I hung up, I realized the headache was there. And then wanting to talk more via text, but not being able to articulate any thoughts, it’s weird and makes me feel bad. Feels like I blow people off when I have a migraine, but my head is genuinely just so stuffed that I can’t even think.

Which brings me to the creative thing I’ve been trying to think of.

I know the main flaw of mine is that I haven’t tried writing in a while. The kind of art I want to make is art with a story behind it, and I stopped thinking up stories. Today, an idea came into my head, a longer term art project, or series of small art projects I suppose. Of course, because my migraine, I just couldn’t think of anything at all but the migraine itself, there was no room for any creativity, and that was a bit saddening today.

But anyway, my idea- Mentioned how I’ve been inspired by that Diva aka twitter nun/duck artist lately, how they have so many detailed, daily pieces, each with their own story. I am not at that level. But if I could just think of small stories like that, to portray in pictures- Specifically with my console-tan designs. There are a lot of characters that can interact in a variety of ways, and there’s a lot of material to derive things from since they’re parodies of video game consoles.

Of course, I just actually need to sit down and think of these stories, write a bunch of random ideas, and just start doodling them. Maybe make it a weekly thing, or a “whenever I feel like it thing”, though most likely that means two or three pieces if that, and then dropping off and forgetting about it.

But I have essentially every Nintendo design made minus a few handheld variations, and all of the major 6th gen consoles essentially designed, so hm... I still should design a PSP/Vita, though, as well as Genesis/Saturn and 360/One. Newer consoles I like to wait a year on, but I feel PS5 has a very distinct look that I’d like to try to draw. I should do more research into the SG-1000 and Master System as well, and the Game Gear, and Nomad...

and anyway, I should do something with these designs and bounce personalities back and forth somehow

It’s 4AM, so I should start heading to bed, but that’s my ramble for the nightt

#text stuffs #nyrants

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softscottlang · 6 years ago

Text

Breathe (Tom Holland)

[Tom Holland x Reader]

Warning: accusations of cheating and panic attack

Summary: Tom has been suspicious so you do some snooping to find out what he’s actually been doing.

A/N: I love Big Time Rush

Word Count: 1.5k

You and Tom had been dating for almost two years now, and you were both happy together. The two of you lived in England and used to go to school together. That was until he started getting gigs and you wouldn’t see him as often. Now you lived in London for school and you had a part time job at a local café.

You thought everything had been going fine with your relationship with Tom, perfect even! But you were getting suspicious. Every time he would look at his phone he would smile or laugh, you had to admit this made you self-conscious. Were you that unnoticeable? or maybe he was getting bored with you.

For at least a month you had put it off as just him seeing a funny meme or something but when you tried to peek at his phone, he would hide it from you and walk away. But not without planting a kiss on your cheek.

Now he would just get up out of the room and take his phone with him where ever he went. This made you feel anxious, like your chest was filled with air, but you couldn’t breathe. So, you made the decision to figure out what was going on.

When Tom went to shower the next morning, you noticed that his phone was left on the charger. The black case stood out against the white bedside table. You had an internal debate with yourself, if you looked, you would be betraying his trust. If you didn’t, you would keep wondering what if.

Quickly your hand grasped the iPhone and hit the home button. You noticed how the screensaver was a picture one of the guys had taken of you two cuddled on the couch a few weeks ago. The smile on your face was evident as you saw the picture.

But not even half a minute later, his phone flashed signaling he got a text. You closed your eyes out of fear that it could be the girl he was cheating on you with.

It took all the strength you had to open your eyes, what you were met with was exactly what you didn’t want to see. You felt your chest concave, like you heart was now missing from it being broken. You felt the tears weld up in your eyes.

Melissa 💍

Hey! I finally got that photo you wanted! 💕

(one attachment)

As much as you wanted to look away, you couldn’t. It was just too much to take in at one time. He had actually gone behind your back and been with another woman. You felt the first of many tears to fall down your face. After two whole years, this was the thanks you got, being used and taken for granted.

You were so consumed in your own thought, you didn’t even notice Tom walk into the room in a pair of sweats and a towel in his hand.

“Darling? What’s wrong?” His voice made you look at him, suddenly your sadness bubbled into rage. He used you!

You pushed yourself off of the bed and stalked over to him, his phone in your hand still. You felt a burning sensation in your chest, you were never this mad before.

“Why don’t you just go call Melissa ‘Darling’, you obviously like her more than you do me.” You say shoving his phone into his chest before storming towards the door. Just as you were about to grab the handle, Tom pulled your wrist towards him.

“Y/N, what are you talking about?” He looked genuinely confused, causing you to be even more infuriated at him. Did he really think you wouldn’t find out?

“I know you cheated on me” You say with as much confidence as you could muster at that moment. “I thought you loved me Tom.” It was that moment that you broke. You felt everything around you start to spin, your head started pounding.

“I do love you Y/N, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” His voice was calm, soothing even. You would have missed him if the circumstances were different.

“I saw her text, she obviously doesn’t think that you love me, or she knows and doesn’t care.” You said looking past his face, if you made eye contact with him, you knew you’d never be able to finish this conversation. You wouldn’t be able to push down the feeling of unworthiness that you had been holding for years now.

“You read my text? I can’t believe you!” Tom said throwing his hand without his phone in the air. “I never did that to you, not in the two years we have been dating! I thought we respected each other’s privacy enough to not push those boundaries.” He said before turning towards the closet to grab a shirt. You hadn’t noticed he wasn’t wearing one, but you didn’t have time to swoon right now.

“So, it’s ok for me to feel self-conscious about myself because you became interested in someone else? If you aren’t in love with me anymore then tell me, don’t string me along until you don’t need me anymore!” You felt all the anger go from your chest, through your throat and out of your mouth. Now you were left with the sadness again, the empty feeling in your heart.

“I never said that! I am so in love with you, so much so that I was planning on proposing to you tomorrow night, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you Y/N! Melissa is a jeweler at the Jewelry shop in town that you love. She was sending me pictures of the ring do I could make sure it was perfect for tomorrow!” He said throwing his phone on the bed then turning towards you with pitiful eyes. “I spent a month getting this ring to be just right for you!”

You were at a loss for words, you knew you shouldn’t have looked at his phone, but you needed answers and you thought he would understand that. Out of his whole rant, one thing stood out to you.

“Wanted? You don’t anymore?” You felt your voice crack from the amount of emotions you were having all at once. You felt sadness, confusion, desperation and above all, stupidity. It was a feeling you had become accustomed to, no matter how much it hurt to say in your mind.

“Now I’m not so sure, if it was that easy for you to think I was cheating on you, then maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore.” He couldn’t even look you in the eyes, instead he looked at the floor while you looked at him in exasperation. Your heart was torn, ripped and shattered just by his simple sentences that rendered the last two years of your life meaningless.

Everything was suddenly spinning; the outer rim of your vision was turning black. Your breathe was slipping away from you, causing you to feel as though you were suffocating.

You wanted to move towards him, to draw him close and into your embrace and apologize a thousand times but you were so scared, you couldn’t move. No matter how hard you willed your body to, you were stuck in one spot unable to become mobile.

It was as if you had pushed the mute button on the world and you were stuck on pause. You were scared out of your mind! The more you tried to move, the more it seemed that you were never going to be able to. You felt your insides twist and turn with fear as you internal freaked out.

Tom must have noticed because he grabbed your hand and sat you on to the bed, he stared straight into your eyes. His brown eyes piercing yours, he started talking soothingly to you, but your ears were buzzing so much you couldn’t hear what he was saying. You knew what was happening to you, a panic attack. You hadn’t had one since you got together with Tom, but he seemed to be able to figure out what to do.

“Breathe baby, you have to breathe” You could finally hear what he was saying. He kept saying the same phrase over and over until you nodded your head indicating that you understood and agreed with what he was saying.

“Breath In,” You did exactly what he told you to as you stared directly into his eyes. “Breath Out.” You continued this process for a few more minutes before you felt your hands move towards him and pull him close to you. He quickly wrapped around your torso and bury his face onto the nape of your neck.

“I’m so sorry Tom. I should have just trusted you.” You say after a few minutes of just holding each other.

“It’s okay baby, we will be okay.” And you guys were, you were okay.

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garywonghc · 6 years ago

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Why Should I Meditate?

by Venerable Matthieu Ricard

Take an honest look at yourself. Where are you in your life? What have your priorities been up till now and what do you intend to do with the time you have left? We are a mixture of light and shadow, of good qualities and defects. Are we really the best we can be? Must we remain as we are now? If not, what can we do to improve ourselves? These are questions worth asking, particularly if we have come to the conclusion that change is both desirable and possible.

In our modern world, we are consumed from morning till night with endless activity. We do not have much time or energy left over to consider the basic causes of our happiness or suffering. We imagine, more or less consciously, that if we undertake more activities we will have more intense experiences and therefore our sense of dissatisfaction will fade away. But the truth is that many of us continue to feel let down and frustrated by our contemporary lifestyle.

The aim of meditation is to transform the mind. It does not have to be associated with any particular religion. Every one of us has a mind and every one of us can work on it.

IS CHANGE POSSIBLE?

The real question is not whether change is desirable; it is whether it is possible to change. Some people might think they can’t change because their afflictive emotions are so intimately associated with their minds that it is impossible to get rid of them without destroying a part of themselves.

It is true that in general a person’s character doesn’t change very much over the course of their life. If we could study the same group of people every few years, we would rarely find that the angry people had become patient, that the disturbed people had found inner peace, or that the pretentious people had learned humility. But as rare as such changes might be, some people do change, which shows that change is possible. The point is that our negative character traits tend to persist if we do nothing at all to change the status quo. No change occurs if we just let our habitual tendencies and automatic patterns of thought perpetuate and even reinforce themselves, thought after thought, day after day, year after year. But those tendencies and patterns can be challenged.

Aggression, greed, jealousy, and the other mental poisons are unquestionably part of us, but are they an intrinsic, inalienable part? Not necessarily. For example, a glass of water might contain cyanide that could kill us on the spot. But the same water could instead be mixed with healing medicine. In either case, H2O, the chemical formula of the water itself, remains unchanged; in itself, it was never either poisonous or medicinal. The different states of the water are temporary and dependent on changing circumstances. In a similar way, our emotions, moods, and bad character traits are just temporary and circumstantial elements of our nature.

A FUNDAMENTAL ASPECT OF CONSCIOUSNESS

This temporary and circumstantial quality becomes clear to us when we realise that the primary quality of consciousness is simply knowing. Like the water in the above example, knowing or awareness is neither good nor bad in itself. If we look behind the turbulent stream of transient thoughts and emotions that pass through our minds day and night, this fundamental aspect of consciousness is always there. Awareness makes it possible for us to perceive phenomena of every kind. Buddhism describes this basic cognitive quality of the mind as luminous because it illuminates both the external world through perceptions and the inner world of sensation, emotion, reasoning, memory, hope, and fear.

Although this cognitive faculty underlies every mental event, it is not itself affected by any of these events. A ray of light may shine on a face disfigured by hatred or on a smiling face; it may shine on a jewel or on a garbage heap; but the light itself is neither mean nor loving, neither dirty nor clean. Understanding that the essential nature of consciousness is neutral shows us that it is possible to change our mental universe. We can transform the content of our thoughts and experiences. The neutral and luminous background of our consciousness provides us with the space we need to observe mental events rather than being at their mercy. We then also have the space we need to create the conditions necessary to transform these mental events.

WISHING IS NOT ENOUGH

We have no choice about what we already are, but we can wish to change ourselves. Such an aspiration gives the mind a sense of direction. But just wishing is not enough. We have to find a way of putting that wish into action.

We don’t find anything strange about spending years learning to walk, read and write, or acquire professional skills. We spend hours doing physical exercises to get our bodies into shape. Sometimes we expend tremendous physical energy pedalling a stationary bike. To sustain such tasks requires a minimum of interest or enthusiasm. This interest comes from believing that these efforts are going to benefit us in the long run.

Working with the mind follows the same logic. How could it be subject to change without the least effort, just from wishing alone? That makes no more sense than expecting to learn to play a Mozart sonata by just occasionally doodling around on the piano.

We expend a lot of effort to improve the external conditions of our lives, but in the end it is always the mind that creates our experience of the world and translates this experience into either well-being or suffering.

If we transform our way of perceiving things, we transform the quality of our lives. It is this kind of transformation that is brought about by the form of mind training known as meditation.

WHAT IS MEDITATION?

Meditation is a practice that makes it possible to cultivate and develop certain basic positive human qualities in the same way as other forms of training make it possible to play a musical instrument or acquire any other skill.

Among several Asian words that translate as “meditation” in English are bhavana from Sanskrit, which means “to cultivate,” and its Tibetan equivalent, gom, meaning “to become familiar with.” Meditation helps us to familiarise ourselves with a clear and accurate way of seeing things and to cultivate wholesome qualities that remain dormant within us unless we make an effort to draw them out.

So let us begin by asking ourselves, “What do I really want out of life? Am I content to just keep improvising from day to day? Am I going to ignore the vague sense of discontent that I always feel deep down when, at the same time, I am longing for well-being and fulfilment?” We have become accustomed to thinking that our shortcomings are inevitable and that we have to put up with the setbacks they have brought us throughout our lives. We take the dysfunctional aspects of ourselves for granted, not realising that it is possible to break out of the vicious cycle of exhausting behaviour patterns.

From a Buddhist point of view, the traditional texts say every being has the potential for enlightenment just as surely as every sesame seed contains oil. Despite this, to use another traditional comparison, we wander about in confusion like a beggar who is simultaneously rich and poor because he does not know he has a treasure buried under the floor of his hut. The goal of the Buddhist path is to come into possession of this overlooked wealth of ours, which can imbue our lives with the most profound meaning.

TRAINING THE MIND

The object of meditation is the mind. For the moment, it is simultaneously confused, agitated, rebellious, and subject to innumerable conditioned and automatic patterns. The goal of meditation is not to shut down the mind or anaesthetise it, but to make it free, lucid, and balanced.

According to Buddhism, the mind is not an entity but rather a dynamic stream of experiences, a succession of moments of consciousness. These experiences are often marked by confusion and suffering, but we can also live them in a spacious state of clarity and inner freedom.

We all well know, as the contemporary Tibetan master Jigme Khyentse Rinpoche reminds us, that “we don’t need to train our minds to improve our ability to get upset or jealous. We don’t need an anger accelerator or a pride amplifier.” By contrast, training the mind is crucial if we want to refine and sharpen our attention; develop emotional balance, inner peace, and wisdom; and cultivate dedication to the welfare of others. We have within ourselves the potential to develop these qualities, but they will not develop by themselves or just because we want them to. They require training. And all training requires perseverance and enthusiasm, as I have already said. We won’t learn to ski by practising one or two minutes a month.

REFINING ATTENTION AND MINDFULNESS

Galileo discovered the rings of Saturn after devising a telescope that was sufficiently bright and powerful and setting it up on a stable support. His discovery would not have been possible if his instrument had been inadequate or if he had held it in a trembling hand. Similarly, if we want to observe the subtlest mechanisms of our mental functioning and have an effect on them, we absolutely must refine our powers of looking inward. In order to do that, our attention has to be highly sharpened so that it becomes stable and clear. We will then be able to observe how the mind functions and perceives the world, and we will be able to understand the way thoughts multiply by association. Finally, we will be able to continue to refine the mind’s perception until we reach the point where we are able to see the most fundamental state of our consciousness, a perfectly lucid and awakened state that is always present, even in the absence of the ordinary chain of thoughts.

WHAT MEDITATION IS NOT

Sometimes practitioners of meditation are accused of being too focused on themselves, of wallowing in egocentric introspection and failing to be concerned with others. But we cannot regard as selfish a process whose goal is to root out the obsession with self and to cultivate altruism. This would be like blaming an aspiring doctor for spending years studying medicine before beginning to practice.

There are a fair number of clichés in circulation about meditation. Let me point out right away that meditation is not an attempt to create a blank mind by blocking out thoughts — which is impossible anyway. Nor is it engaging the mind in endless cogitation in an attempt to analyse the past or anticipate the future. Neither is it a simple process of relaxation in which inner conflicts are temporarily suspended in a vague, amorphous state of consciousness. There is not much point in resting in a state of inner bewilderment. There is indeed an element of relaxation in meditation, but it is connected with the relief that comes from letting go of hopes and fears, of attachments and the whims of the ego that never stop feeding our inner conflicts.

MASTERY THAT SETS US FREE

The way we deal with thoughts in meditation is not to block them or feed them indefinitely, but to let them arise and dissolve by themselves in the field of mindfulness. In this way, they do not take over our minds. Beyond that, meditation consists of cultivating a way of being that is not subject to the patterns of habitual thinking. It often begins with analysis and then continues with contemplation and inner transformation. To be free is to be the master of ourselves. It is not a matter of doing whatever comes into our heads, but rather of freeing ourselves from the constraints and afflictions that dominate and obscure our minds. It is a matter of taking our life into our own hands rather than abandoning it to the tendencies created by habit and mental confusion. Instead of letting go of the helm and just allowing the boat to drift wherever the wind blows, freedom means setting a course toward a chosen destination — the destination that we know to be the most desirable for ourselves and others.

THE HEART OF REALITY

Meditation is not, as some people think, a means of escaping reality. On the contrary, its object is to make us see reality as it is, right in the midst of our experience, to unmask the deep causes of our suffering, and to dispel mental confusion. We develop a kind of understanding that comes from a clearer view of reality. To reach this understanding, we meditate, for example, on the interdependence of all phenomena, on their transitory character, and on the nonexistence of the ego perceived as a solid and independent entity.

Meditations on these themes are based on the experience of generations of meditators who have devoted their lives to observing the automatic, mechanical patterns of thought and the nature of consciousness. They then taught empirical methods for developing mental clarity, alertness, inner freedom, altruistic love, and compassion. However, we cannot merely rely on their words to free ourselves from suffering. We must discover for ourselves the value of the methods these wise people taught and confirm for ourselves the conclusions they reached. This is not purely an intellectual process. Long study of our own experience is needed to rediscover their answers and integrate them into ourselves on a deep level. This process requires determination, enthusiasm, and perseverance. It requires what Shantideva calls “joy in virtuous ways.”

Thus we begin by observing and understanding how thoughts multiply by association with each other and create a whole world of emotions, of joy and suffering. Then we penetrate the screen of thoughts and glimpse the fundamental component of consciousness: the primal cognitive faculty from which all thoughts arise.

LIBERATING MONKEY MIND

To accomplish this task, we must begin by calming our turbulent mind. Our mind behaves like a captive monkey who, in his agitation, becomes more and more entangled in his bonds.

Out of the vortex of our thoughts, first emotions arise, and then moods and behaviours, and finally habits and traits of character. What arises spontaneously does not necessarily produce good results, any more than throwing seeds into the wind produces good harvests. So we have to behave like good farmers who prepare their fields before sowing their seeds. For us, this means the most important task is to attain freedom through mastering our mind.

If we consider that the potential benefit of meditation is to give us a new experience of the world each moment of our lives, then it doesn’t seem excessive to spend at least twenty minutes a day getting to know our mind better and training it toward this kind of openness. The fruition of meditation could be described as an optimal way of being, or as genuine happiness. This true and lasting happiness is a profound sense of having realised to the utmost the potential we have within us for wisdom and accomplishment. Working toward this kind of fulfilment is an adventure worth embarking on.

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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 7 years ago

Text

Sleeping at last (E.D.)

Summary: Ethan learns the hard way that not every story has a happy ending.

A/N: Ethan is older in this one.

Warnings: angst, sad, maybe one swear word

Word count: 2750

Sleeping At Last - Saturn (the song that inspired me to write this one)

The first time I ever saw her was on a rainy Monday at exactly 3 pm. After spending the past 8 hours in surgery I finally got a little lunch break and I was waiting for Grayson because he wanted to talk to me about how to propose to his girlfriend and since I was on call, this lunch break was the only time I had to give him. He was running late and I got annoyed, deciding to get something from the vending machine in the lobby because it was the only one that had gummy worms.

I remember thinking about waiting for him in the lobby since I was already there and I’m really glad I did because that’s when faith stepped in.

Instead of Grayson, she walked in and I swear my heart skipped a beat. She was one of those people that emit a certain type of aura that just draws you in.

I was standing there with my mouth open, eyes following her slowly disappearing figure, but I couldn’t move. I stared at the stairs thinking I should probably follow her, introduce myself, get her number…something! Anything! But my feet were glued to the ground.

I missed my chance.

The second time I saw her was only two days later, on a Wednesday morning at 8:15 am. I was standing a bit closer to her thinking maybe I could just accidentally run into her, apologize and use it as an opportunity to introduce myself. It didn’t happen because I got paged and by the time I looked up, she was gone.

Every break I had during that week was spent in the lobby, just hoping I’d see her again.

It didn’t happen...at least not while I was awake.

I dreamed of her every night since Monday but her face was blurry and it frustrated me. Sure, I never saw her up close, however I could easily tell how beautiful she is.

I saw her again next week. This time I just chickened out and didn’t approach her.

Why was she here so often? Did she work in the hospital? Was she visiting someone? If she was, was it her boyfriend?

The thought of her with someone made me depressed and I was losing hope I’d ever get to speak to her.

I watched her come and go like that for three weeks. Then all of a sudden, she stopped showing up. She was just gone. She wasn’t there the fourth week...nor the fifth...and by the sixth I realized she wasn’t returning.

Why did it hurt so much? I never even met her…Why did I miss someone I’ve never met?

I just got off a 48 hour shift but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Plagued by the thought of her I decided to visit my favorite cafe right by the beach.

The sun was just coming up, even when I was drowning in my own frustrations and hardship, the sky remained beautiful. Sunlight filled the sky, pure scattered light illuminating each crevice of the land and in the distance I could hear seagulls waking up as well.

I love this time of the day. The town is just waking up, there aren’t as many people walking around. It was perfect for lonely dreamers like me.

Just when I thought I was never going to feel happiness again I saw her again.

She was sitting at the cafe with a milkshake in her hand. She was facing the sun, eyes closed with a gentle smile on her lips, letting the soft amber glow of the sunrise caress her beautiful face

With breath paused in my lungs, I wished time would halt.

She opened her (Y/E/C) eyes and noticed me staring immediately. She blinked and the beauty of her eyes was momentarily covered by the shield of her eyelashes; naturally long and soft looking without a trace of make up.

I walk right up to her and sit at the table in the chair across from her. I wasn’t afraid of approaching her anymore. I was a lot more afraid of never seeing her again. This girl felt like a dash of spring in my dark days and I needed to know her.

At any cost.

She didn’t react when she saw me take a seat but I could tell she was curious.

“Hi.” I manage to say. I hide my shaking hands under the table. I don’t want her to know how nervous I truly am.

“Hi” she responds, that beautiful smile graces her lips once more.

“I know this is weird, me just walking up to you at 6 am on this beautiful sunny day, but I had to meet you.” I blurt out.

Shit, she’s probably going to think I’m a crazy stalker now.

Thankfully, she gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me.

“That’s okay. I like weird people. Usually they’re the one with the most interesting stories to tell.” I return her smile and decide this was probably a good time to tell her my name.

“I’m Ethan.”

“Y/N.” Wow, even her name was beautiful.

We started talking and never stopped. I was so comfortable around her which never happened with other people. She was the type that made you feel like you were the only person in the world that mattered.

I was flying high, living on cloud nine.

That day was only the beginning. We’d talk all the time. I used every chance I could to see her. I was addicted. It was like she was my own personal brand of heroin and no matter how much I take, it was never nearly enough. The chemistry between us was amazing.

Whenever we got together and talked it was as if we had a language of our own. It felt as if she spoke the same language as I, yet no other was able. I didn’t feel alone anymore as before. I always had a feeling of being isolated, in a windowless room, in a door-less room… and then suddenly she walked in as if strolling over a summer meadow. She became my sunshine, a breath of life, my medicine.

Three months later, I still didn’t make my move. I didn’t mind, mostly because I didn’t want to scare her off or overwhelm her. We were supposed to go out tonight but she called and said she wasn’t feeling well.

I might not be her boyfriend (YET) but I was her friend. I bought some chicken soup and a lemonade and headed to her place.

I knocked three times and the door swung open. I expected to see her beautiful face, but I was met with a middle-aged woman’s face instead. Just by looking at her I knew she was related to her. Probably her mother.

I tried explaining who I was to her and gave her the things I bought. I begged to see her daughter, even for a minute, but she turned me away.

I was so worried about her that night. I called and texted, but she never responded.

In the morning I got a text:

I don’t want to see you or hear from you. We’re no longer friends. Forget this number.

Where did this come from? Where did I go wrong?

I tried visiting every day for two weeks but I was sent packing each time. She never took my calls, never replied to my messages.This loneliness was a vice on my heart, squeezing with just enough pressure to be a constant pain. It killed me every day just a little bit more, taking what was once my inner light, my sun and replacing it with a darkness that overshadows each moment.

I needed an explanation! Anything!

I went to her place and her mother opened the door again. She sighed and shook her head slowly. I could tell she felt sorry for me. It was written all over her face.

“I’m sorry Ethan, she doesn’t want to see you. I think it’s time for you to move on. This isn’t healthy.” She says gently almost as if she saw just how broken I already was and didn’t want to add onto the damage.

“I can’t move on ‘till she talks to me. I need a reason! Tell her I’m not leaving until she gives me an explanation. I’m going to sit here, right at your doorstep until she comes out. If she really doesn’t want me here, I need to hear it from her.” I insisted, no longer willing to play by her rules.

I stayed true to my word. I didn’t leave. Not when the rain started. Not when I had to pee. Not when I got hungry. Not even when the darkness of the night engulfed me.

Somewhere around 3 am the door finally opened. I jumped up like an eager dog when their owner cane home.

There she was.

My beautiful Y/N.

Just by looking at her I could tell why she refused to see me. I was a doctor, I’d know something was up immediately. She was pale, her eyes sunken without their usual glow. She was skinny...too skinny. She looked fragile, like a gush of wind could cause her to crumble.

“Hi”, she says, her voice weak and hoarse.

“Hi” I respond quietly. I was still shocked to see her like that. She was a shadow of her former self.

Without a second though I take a step forward and engulf her in my arms causing her to break down. I pick her up like she was a little child and use my foot to shut the front door. Sitting on the red couch, she wrapped herself around me and cried. I cried with her the entire night till she exhausted herself and fell asleep in my arms. Soon I followed suit.

In the morning she finally opened up to me. It was excruciating, but I need to hear it.

“It’s cancer. Stage four. It started in my thyroid and spread everywhere. They can’t do much.”

She starts, her breathing shallow and fast…I knew it was a sign her lungs were affected as well.

“They diagnosed me almost 5 months ago in the same hospital you work at. I spent a few weeks doing tests only to get a terminal diagnosis. I don’t have long...the past month...it really started to take its toll on me.”

“You knew about it when we met and yet you kept it from me? ” I murmur trying not to sound too offended but probably failing completely.

“Just a moment before we met, before I opened my eyes and saw you, I wished for something good to happen to me. One last good thing. I opened my eyes and there you were.” She answers with a small smile and a twinkle in her eyes.

“I didn’t want to ruin everything by telling you. I didn’t want you to treat me any differently or pity me. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I wanted to be happy and make you happy as well.”

“I wouldn’t treat you differently”, I start but she cuts me off.

“That’s a lie and you know it Ethan. I see it in your eyes. You’re afraid to even yell at me for cutting you out of my life when you and I both know you’d be screaming at me if I was healthy!” She raises her voice a bit but it caused her to cough.

“Why did you cut me out? Do you know how much pain you’ve put me through?” I question, my hands weaving into her hair.

“We got close. Too close. I was getting worse and I’m definitely not going to get better...ever. It would hurt you a lot more to watch me wither away, bit by bit. So I let you go, but you’re too stubborn to leave.”

“Hell yeah we got close! I fell for you even before we met. I saw you at the hospital and my life hasn’t been the same since. You weren’t doing me any favors by disappearing on me! Why did you let me In last night?” I was yelling now. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s inevitable.

She just smiled and took my hand in hers. “Now you sound like a creepy stalker…just a bit.”

I shake my head. “Why did you let me in?”

“Because I’m weak and selfish. I missed you. I needed you.” She shrugs.

“Contrary to what you think, I just wanted to protect you. I’m a grenade Ethan. I’m going to blow any day now and when that happens, everything in my proximity will be annihilated. You’re the closest one to the blast zone and I had to get you out. I didn’t want you to suffer.” She says and wipes away tears that started to spill from her eyes.

“You do realize that no matter what you say or do it does not in any way, shape or form, lessen what I feel for you. I love you (Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N). I’ve loved you from the start and I’ll love you for as long as I live.” I confess.

“I’ll be with you till the end and no matter what you say or do, I’m not going to leave you. Ever.”

“I love you too Ethan Grant Dolan, so damn much.” She says and moves closer to me.

I couldn’t wait any longer so I cupped her face and connected my lips with hers in a kiss that would be our beginning and my ultimate doom.

It was four months since our first kiss. In my mind I knew she was getting progressively worse, but my heart still had so much stubborn hope.

I’ll always remember the day I lost her.

We were dancing in the kitchen. I put her feet on my own and held her in my arms because I knew she was too weak to do it herself. Her exact last words to me were: „This is perfect…You are perfect.“

I remember her laughing in spite the pain she felt, her kiss that held so much love I have never felt before. I remember her hair that smelled like lilies and I remember the moment she started to suffocate when her lungs finally gave out.

I raced her to the E.R. and they intubated her. Soon after her body gave out completely and the only thing that kept her alive were all the tubes and wires and machines. I knew her choice was never to be left on life support and she left a DNR. They turned the machines off and I held her in my arms.

I stayed true to my world. I stayed with her till the very last breath she took, until the very last beat of her heart, and the very last synapse in her brain died. I kept repeating ‘I love you’ to make sure the last thing she heard is how much love she evoked in the world she’s leaving behind.

She’s been gone for ten years now, but I’ve never felt alone.

In a way she’s still here with me. I see her in every sunrise and every sunset, in every star and every flower. I feel her in every raindrop and hear her whispers in every gust of wind.

She’s still in my dreams from time to time as well.

“Sunshine, I still love you. Till my last breath, remember?” I carefully put a white lily on her grave with a heavy heart and walk away.

Grayson is waiting by the car with his wife and the moment I got there they both hug me tightly.

I look back at her grave underneath a willow tree and smile.

She taught me how to love and showed me what it truly means to be loved. She taught me the meaning of life, gave me hope, faith and above all...happiness.

Life is an unwritten book. You get to be the star of your own story, crafting it day by day, interacting with loved ones who are the stars of their own stories too. As we all travel the pages, it is our connections that make the tale worth telling.

I made a connection with a real life angel and I’ve never had any regrets. I got to spend 9 and a half months of utter happiness with her and it was worth all the pain that came right after. I know I’ll see her again.

Till death do us apart doesn’t apply to us.

Soulmates always find their way back to each other.

#ethan dolan #ethan dolan fanfic #ethan dolan imagine #dolan twins #dolan twins fanfic #ethan dolan sad #ethan dolan angst #sleeping at last #saturn #always #doctor ethan #ethan dolan x reader

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marquis1305 · 6 years ago

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Calm Before the Storm

For the lovely @saffyre-viral featuring my Damaia, and their Inquisitor Saturn Lavellan. (I still adore this pairing far too much.) For a head canon about drunken shenanigans, that turned into way too much fluff.

Damaia leans over the rails, looking out at the garden. The same place that Saturn can always find her. Her hair fluttering in the soft breeze.

She turns her head to smile at the inquisitor.

“You had said you wanted to talk, Inquisitor?”

“Yes,” Saturn chews at their lip. “About what you did for me.”

“You seem a bit nervous, my dear Inquisitor, why don't we go somewhere a little more comfortable?”

“More comfortable than your chamber, Damaia?”

“Yeah, funny how that pile of reports ruins any chances I have at relaxing there. They are just there, staring at me.” Damaia smirks, then offers her hand to Saturn. “Come on, I know a spot in the tavern, just above all the noise.”

The two make their way through the courtyard, heading towards the Herald's Rest. Damaia leads Saturn to the second level, into a corner with a table that overlooks the first floor. The music floating softly above the muted din of the tavern.

“Always seems like this corner is almost removed from the rest, you can see everything, but its quieter than anywhere else, except maybe Cole's spot.” Chuckling, she holds out a seat for Saturn.

“I wouldn't have thought that you would prefer the quiet Damaia,” Saturn allows their curiosity to show. Taking the offered chair, and watching Damaia sit across from them.

Damaia shrugs, a wistful smile spreading on her face. “I come here before any major trip, I think Varric has officially dubbed my little trips here ‘the calm before the storm'. Little more poetic than I might put it, for me, I just like to quiet the noise in my head now and then. “

“He does have a gift for prose, but I still don't quite understand? You choose a room set apart from most of the soldiers, above the gardens. I would think that would be quite quiet enough, no?” Saturn takes Damaia's hand when she offers it. Smiling as the Qunari places a kiss to the knuckles.

“Nah, there is a difference between quieting my head and having so much quiet all I can do is think,” she laughs easily as she speaks. “The gardens are peaceful, I like to do my thinking there. A comfortable place to go through reports. But here, here I don't have to think, I can just exist.”

A few seconds later, the bartender comes by to drop off two tankards of ale, and a plate of meat and cheese. Damaia accepts them with a smile and passes a few coins to the man. Lifting her tankard to take a long draw. Eyes lighting up with mirth as she watches Saturn carefully do the same.

"Careful with that, Cabot doesn't exactly make his drinks with petite elves in mind. Ancient Elvhen or not," it wasn't quite Maraas-lok; but Damaia knew from experience that Cabot's drinks ran stronger than almost anywhere else in Thedas. And he always gave her a double.

"I do believe that I know my own limit, Damaia," their face had scrunched up at the taste of the liquor. Making Damaia think of a kitten who ate something sour.

Damaia realized that this was the first time that she had seen Saturn drink anything other than water, or a few sips of wine.

She couldn't stop the mischievous smile from spreading across her face.

"If you say so, my dear Inquisitor," taking another deep pull from her own tankard, Damaia shrugs at Saturn. The Inquisitor was a full-grown elf, who had technically been alive longer than just about anyone else in Thedas. Damaia wasn't going to stop them from making bad choices.

Not when she fully intended to make a few herself.

"Now, about what I had wanted to talk about earlier," Saturn's voice lifts quietly from behind their mug.

"Yes?"

"Why?"

Damaia pauses, raising an eyebrow. "Why what? Why throw some fancy party? Why do something to show you how special you are to me? Why go out of my way to ensure I included a multitude of our friends, so I could share that moment with them as well, and willingly show them that I can accept their help? Why....?"

Saturn's blush was only partially hidden by their taking another drink. It offered a moment of near silence.

When, once again, they set the mug upon the table, the very tips of their ears had begun to tinge a light pink. Damaia pretended she didn't watch Saturn closely enough to have noticed.

"Why me? What you did was... No one had ever done anything like that for me before. I don't understand."

Setting down her drink, Damaia moves smoothly to kneel before Saturn. Bringing her just under the other's eye height. "Because you are you. Because you excite me, and make me curious, and calm me all at once. Because whenever my parents told me about the bond that gave them the strength to leave the Qun, I had never understood what they meant, until we chose each other. Because you are strong, and proud, and worthy of so much more than life has given you; so, if I can give you back a fraction of what you should be, I will do so. Because I don't know how to express the things I think and feel, except through overly dramatic actions."

She is taken by surprise when Saturn flings themselves into Damaia's arms. Whether the drink had finally taken hold, or they were truly impressed by her honest confession, Damaia was unsure. All she knew to do was wrap her arms tightly around her petite elf. Pressing her nose into the pale silky hair. Cradling the Inquisitor to her.

"Damaia," came the muffled voice, "I-"

"No. Not right now. Right now, you just drink and relax, and let the world fall away. And I'll be here to catch you, should you start to fall with it."

"Don't let go." Whispered, the words make Damaia's heart soar.

She stands, lifting Saturn with her. Moving back towards her chair, Saturn curling tightly into her lap. Damaia shifts slightly, grabbing Saturn's tankard and returning it to their hands. Then goes to grab her own. Making sure that one hand is on Saturn's back at all times, keeping them close.

"Now, let us get back to drinking, so that we may laugh and make merry!" Teasing tones pull a smile to Saturn's face, matching Damaia's own. Knocking their tankards together, albeit a little awkwardly, the two drink deeply. Damaia feeling her mind begin to glaze over. She could only imagine how the liquor might be affecting Saturn.

The purring might have been an indication.

Taking the last swig of her drink, Damaia sets the tankard aside. Then runs her fingers through Saturn's hair, nuzzling her cheek on the top of their head. Enjoying the small vibrating noise coming from her small companion.

It didn't take too long for Saturn to finish their drink after that.

And even less time for Cabot to stop by and drop off two more.

Watching Saturn reach for their new tankard, while refusing to move from their position on Damaia's lap was more than likely the highlight of Damaia's day. Her rumbling laughter carrying over the music.

"Perhaps you might be more comfortable if I were to place you back in your seat?" Leaning forward just enough for Saturn to reach the mug.

"No." Was the only response Saturn deigned to give. Snatching the tankard before them.

"As you please, dear Inquisitor." Damaia took up her new drink to sip at it. At the rate Saturn was going, Damaia knew that they were going to need assistance at some point. And as much as she enjoyed the prospect of getting blitzed with her lover, it wouldn't be very responsible of her.

"You do many things that please me."

It took everything to focus on choking down the liquid in her mouth, rather than attempt to breath, or think, or speak.

Pausing, to ensure that no further mishaps would occur, Damaia swallows hard.

"I'm not quite certain I caught that Saturn," hesitancy creeps into her voice. Yes, she and Saturn had become more romantically involved. But Damaia had not once broached any physical aspect.

She was too afraid that everything they were building would fall back into the same pattern she had lived in since she joined the mercs at sixteen. And as Saturn hadn't spoken on the topic, Damaia was never quite certain if they were even interested in that line of thought.

She couldn't be sure if they had meant what she thought they said.

Or if it was just her intoxicated mind playing tricks on her.

"I said, you do many things that please me, Damaia," their fingertips running down her biceps made the utterance a little more real.

"Careful, Inquisitor, talk like that and a girl might get ideas," flirting was easy. Playful was easy. The slightly edged tone to her words, she blamed on the alcohol.

"Perhaps I want you to." Damaia narrowed her eyes, even as Saturn returned to their drink, their fingers still on Damaia's arm.

She did her best to ignore the chills running down her spine.

Instead, Damaia puts her tankard back onto the table. Then slowly moves her hands to Saturn's waist, shifting the other until they are straddled across Damaia's lap. Gazed locked tightly. Damaia searching Saturn's face for any hesitation.

She moves slowly, ensuring that every action is readable in its intent.

Tanking the mug from Saturn's clasping hands, setting it aside. Fingers of her other hand splayed softly on Saturn's back.

Lifting her hand to cup Saturn's cheek. Letting her thumb brush against the smooth skin.

"Damaia?" Their voice holds a familiar edge of curiousity.

"Yes?"

"Since when did you get horns? Why wasn't I told?" Saturn surges forward to explore this new discovery, nearly toppling both of them out of the chair with the action.

Dumbfounded, Damaia can't hold back her boisterous laughter. "I am pretty certain that I have had them since birth, or at least as long as you have known me."

"No! I hadn't noticed them before. That can't be true?!" Saturn grips one of the horns tightly, yanking down Damaia's head to allow further access. Damaia winces, certain that this particular exploration will end with a headache that has nothing to do with the excess of liquor.

Not quite how she had pictured this scene playing out just a moment before.

"Yes, I am fairly certain. Most Qunari do have them, just look at Bull's..." She raises an eyebrow to glare, amusement tracing through the expression.

"Yeah, but his are so noticeable! You had to have been hiding them in your hair..." Saturn's fingers begin to trace the edges, and Damaia hisses at the sensation on the sensitive skin. "Oh, I didn't hurt you, did I?"

The sudden concern was endearing.

"No, Saturn. That spot is just a little more sensitive to the touch than the rest."

"Oh.... So, then this...."Soft lips touch the joint, and Damaia's eyes flutter. Breath catching in her throat. Apparently, this was going to be a night full of surprises.

"Yes, that." She chokes out the words. The Elvhen's curiosity might actually be the death of her. Especially as she felt Saturn's breathy giggle against her skin. Damaia reaches up to grab Saturn's wrist, pulling her gently away, until they are at eye level with each other once more. "You are being quite bold, dear Inquisitor."

"Why do you always call me that?" Saturn's gaze, though glossy, is intense. Their wrists trapped in Damaia's grasp, pulse drumming against her fingers.

"I do not know what else to call you. I am not my parents, I would not call you Kadan, although you are dear to me. I am not Tevinter, though my father taught me some small smattering of Tevene, so I would not name you Amatus. I am a woman of actions, Saturn, not words," Damaia feels her chest tighten as she looks deep into the other's eyes. Trying to show everything that she hadn't been able to say. "But right now, you are not in a place for me to really show you how I feel. When I do, I want you to remember every sensation, every feeling, not have it hidden in a drunken haze."

She runs her finger's over Saturn's pulse, pressing a kiss to each hand, as she has for months now.

Ignoring the way every instinct inside of her pressed her to push for more. To claim this magnificent person and ensure that they would never leave.

"Come on, little one. Let's get you some water, and a warm bed. Lest you regret all of this in the morning."

"Stay with me,"Saturn's voice is small and quiet, as Damaia lifts them in her arms. Cradled against her chest, as Damaia had done the day they had seen their beast form.

"Always."

#long post #long fic #dragon age inquisition #Saturn Lavellan #Damaia Adaar #fluff and feels #drunk #do not drink the dwarven ale #teasing #Damaia has honor #She will not sleep with the drunk person #unless she is too drunk to care #These two are cute

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jeonggukkiepabo · 4 years ago

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DIE FOR ME [KTH] 🪐 TEASER

SUMMARY: Jeongguk and you have always been known as Ying & Yang, him, the nature witch, holding the power of everything that’s tied to the ground and you, the cosmic witch, having the sky, stars and planets on your side.

Ever since being little, the both of you have been interested in black magic, practicing it secretly to get better at it, summoning ghosts and casting curses over people that made your lives difficult. But this is going to be bigger, better and more dangerous. Jeongguk’s boyfriend of almost two years cheated on him with that stupid witch Jimin whose power it is to talk to animals… he’s nothing special, yet Namjoon fucked him. And Jeongguk wants revenge. He’s going to summon Asmodeus, using the demon prince’s powers to get his revenge on both Namjoon and Jimin. What kind of twin sister would you be without offering your help? During the progress of summoning, you accidentally cut yourself and some of your blood goes into the offering bowl, mixing with the herbs - but neither of you realize it. Asmodeus is summoned successfully, but your blood in the offering bowl brought a little twist into the situation.

GENRE: Halloween 🪐 Smut 🪐 some sort of e2l 🪐 angsty

WARNINGS: revenge, dark magic, mentions of blood, a lot of sexual content, mentions of hell, major character death

AUTHOR’S NOTE: this fic is going to be part of @ksmutclubs annual monster smash collab! i’m so excited to be part of it again. i hope y’all are as thrilled as i am for many spooky fics, hehe.

WILL BE RELEASED ON OCTOBER 31ST

“This is everything we need, right? Wait, did you pack the lizard tail? You know which, the yellow one, not the green-” “God, Jeongguk. Yes, I brought everything you told me. I was in a rush, you know how mom is, she knew that something is going on so I told her Yoongi sent me to grab some herbs and animal ingredients for his potions.”

You groan as you drop your heavy bag in front of your twin brother who’s currently busy with drawing different runes and lines onto the floor. With goat blood.

“This is always the most disgusting part of rituals. Goat blood smells and it’s like the goat is still talking to me,” Jeongguk scrunches his sensitive nose as he dips his finger back into the bucket of blood. As a nature witch, Jeongguk has a deep bond with animals and plants, being able to communicate with them and feel whatever they’re feeling. He’s basically able to control everything that belongs to the earth, it’s almost like he’s tied to it.

And then there’s you, the cosmic witch. The Yang to Jeongguk’s Ying. The universe is your source of power; planets, skies and stars are allowing you to cast spells and strengthen them. Whilst Jeongguk harbors the Sun; it is the Moon that is your main source for reloading and storing your energy until you're ready to use it.

“It’s always the dark spells that contain some disgusting smelling things. Remember the time we used the cow’s tongue for that one spell we casted on Hyunjin? The one he got acne from,” You giggle at the fun memory, how one of your past crushes declined your cinema invitation and ended up with a year of acne because you were too proud to accept a simple ‘no’. Instead, Jeongguk and you, both 15 years old and happy to finally have a reason to use black magic, cursed the poor boy and ruined any other of his dating experiences for the next few months.

Jeongguk groans at the thought, shaking his head with yet another nose scrunch. “I remember that I hated every second of it, thanks to you and your stupid Hyunjin. I don’t even know what the tongue’s use was. Now, can you hand me the lizard tail and the crushed orchid leaves and the fresh birdsfoot trefoil blossoms? At least they smell good.” He quickly wipes his hands from all the blood and walks over to the simmering cauldron. “I wonder why they need orchids instead of roses, aren’t those supposed to be the flowers that are used in every love potion?” You ask as you slowly add the ingredients into the cauldron, curiously watching your twin’s hand motions.

“Mhm, but roses mean commitment and… well, current love. I did love Namjoon, but him and Jimin deserve everything but love. Hence the orchid, they’re known to withdraw strength and magical powers. Poor Jimin won’t be able to talk to his stupid animals anymore.

The birdsfoot trefoil stands for revenge. Namjoon doesn’t ever deserve to love or use his cock again. I wonder if he topped Jimin… Poor Alpha wolf Namjoon, didn’t even want to use his knot on me but getting on his fours for me like an Omega in heat.” Jeongguk chuckles as he mumbles one last spell to finish the potion, ready to use now.

“Ew, Gguk, no sex talk in front of me, okay? Let me cast my spell on the offering bowl, then we can transfer the potion.” You grab the golden bowl and place it on Saturn’s rune, smiling as it lightens up under your touch. Whispering kind words and your affection towards the planet, you ask it for help in this special situation, knowing that the planets will always be on your side, whether it’s black or white magic.

What you don’t realize is the small drop of blood from where you’ve accidentally cut yourself before running down your middle finger and into the offering bowl.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Jeongguk lighting some more candles with his fingertips, smiling at the progress both you and your twin made during the years. Twins are always known to be more powerful than other siblings, sharing special powers. They’re known to be gifted with opposite magical elements; water and fire, planet and galaxy, earth and air. It’s no secret that you’re strong, but ‘regular’ magic has never been enough for you. Craving more and more power, Jeongguk brought up his interest in black magic when you were 7, having heard of it from school literature and the hushed words of your coven - all you’ve known back then is how dangerous black magic is and that it’s strictly forbidden.

There wasn’t anyone to teach you the casts and spells from the ‘forbidden’ books, so the only logical thing to do for two curious kids was secretly hunting the coven library for information.

You were 9 when the first spell of black magic passed your lips, successfully turning the old neighbor’s cat into a turtle - for no particular reason, Jeongguk just hasn’t seen a real turtle before and was curious.

Years and years of practise and sleepless nights were really worth it, even though nobody could ever know about it (nobody but Yoongi, who’s usually the one to cover you and the weird ingredients you need for your spells).

“Okay, I’m done. Come here, Gguk.” You grab your twin’s hand and close your eyes once you’re settled in front of the circle. Jeongguk squeezes your hand slightly to show you that you’re in this together (because dealing with demons will always be scary to the both of you) and starts counting down from three so you can start to cast the spell together.

You’ve never really summoned a demon that dangerous before, especially not one of the seven demon princes.

Asmodeus is the one you’re calling for, demon of revenge and lust, the perfect saviour to fulfill Jeongguk’s plan. Revenge on Namjoon who has cheated on your poor twin with Jimin.

Usually Jeongguk isn’t one for revenge or hate, but Namjoon has really hurt him… and Jeongguk isn’t one to just sit there broken hearted and cry, no. He wants Namjoon to feel the same pain he felt (for a few days, before he decided on summoning Asmodeus).

You strengthen your hold on Jeongguk’s hand as soon as you feel the familiar rush of heat, as you sense the disgusting smell of boiling goat blood.

The energy in the room shifts, but it’s not like the movies where demon’s appear out of smoke, no.

You’re not even sure if it’s really Asmodeus who’s suddenly sitting in the circle, cross-legged and a curious look on his face, eyes wide open.

#bts fanfiction #kim taehyung #taehyung #bts taehyung #bts taehyung smut #ksmutclub #monster smash #bts smut #bts halloween #halloween fic #taehyung smut #bangtan smut #jeonggukkiepabo

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ask-bohemian-ilse · 7 years ago

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answer all of them!

11. what’s an inside joke you have with your friends?* there’s far too many to pick just one, honestly.

12. what’s your favorite planet?* saturn!

13. what’s something that made you smile today?* first, stanley anderson let me copy his math homework. then, @ask-melchior-gabor gave me some of his favorite pirate literature that i haven’t read yet during study hall. and then i got burgers with @ask-max-von-trenk and @ask-the-reformatory! (having normal food was SO great.)

14. if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?* a huge mess. seriously! at least my section would. it’d probably be decorated pretty clashingly, because we all have different interests. it’d definitely be covered in flowers. and it would have lots of books! (for melchior)

15. go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!* mercury is shrinking!!!

16. what’s your favorite pasta dish?* fettuccine alfredo…yum!

17. what color do you really want to dye your hair?* i don’t have any desire to dye my hair at the moment, honestly.

18. tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between between you and your friends and is always brought up.* @ask-moritz-stiefel exposed that i stabbed him with scissors once because i thought he was possessed. nobody wants to let it go!

19. do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?* i do! when i feel really out of my head, i either ramble just to get everything off my mind, or draw some pretty strange stuff. it’s very useful.

20. what’s your favorite eye color?* green!

21. talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.* my trusty “in case of sudden escape” bag has seen me through everything. it’s always full of necessities, and it is immune to being torn apart! it’s very sturdy, small enough that i can wear it without feeling weighed down, easy to travel with, and still covered in paint. it’s been there for me through so much. love you, bag.

22. are you a morning person?* most of the time!

23. what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?* go down to the creek, lay out in the sun, listen to some music, and just relax.

24. is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?* i’m too ashamed to tell anybody ALL of my secrets — but in the matter of trust, i’d have no qualms placing my faith in max, melchior, and @ask-hanschen-rilow these guys are locked boxes.

25. what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?* one night, a group of us (the phallustics and some other models) were so drunk that we managed to get ourselves into a yacht that DEFINITELY didn’t belong to us. most of the passengers were pretty drunk too. i’ve also broken into a lighthouse…that was fun.

26. what are the shoes you’ve had forever and wear with every single outfit?* i have these killer sandles that are very ancient greece-like. they’re my favorites!

27. what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?* motitas banana gum!

28. sunrise or sunset?* sunrise

29. what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?* moritz does this adorable thing where his nose wrinkles when he thinks you’ve said something especially funny/outrageous. it’s so cute! i love it!

30. think of it: have you ever been truly scared?* yes.

31. what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.* i have a love-hate relationship with socks. as most of you know, i’m happiest barefoot. however, i love crazy/weird socks! especially knee-high ones! they’re so fun to play around with! i do not sleep in socks, though.

32. tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3 AM when you were with friends.* this one time, melchi and i were ridiculously high and we tried to order food. it went REALLY badly. he kept trying to not have to pay for food by psychoanalyzing the poor worker, and then i stood on a table, and we couldn’t stop laughing, and it was overall very chaotic and he’ll kill me for bringing it up again at some point. (love you, melchi!)

33. what’s your fave pastry?* OH! THERE’S SO MANY GREAT ONES TO CHOOSE FROM! i love sfogliatelle so much. i’ll go with that!

34. tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what did it look like? do you still keep it?* i wasn’t allowed to have one.

35. do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?* yes and yes!

36. which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?* misterwives.

37. do you like keeping your room messy or clean?* M E S S Y

38. tell us about your pet peeves!* people invading my personal space, being talked over, the sound of a fork scraping someone’s teeth, people who grab me without warning.

39. what color do you wear the most?* hmm…probably green!

40. think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s its story? does it mean anything to you?* the piercing in my collarbone? the one that keeps getting infected? i did it because i was really angry at the time — the night before i left. i was so, so tired of the way i had to live to keep modeling and to keep being pretty and all of that. it’s my freedom, baby!

41. what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? * it was a collection of h.p lovecraft’s works.

42. do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!* it’s small, but it’s always warm and it smells like vanilla. the people who work there are insanely friendly. it’s a bit dark, but in the cozy way. they always remember my name there.

43. who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?* moritz.

44. when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?* there was this one night where @ask-georg-zirschnitz and i were chilling on the roof. it was so quiet, and so warm, and i felt so safe. that was the end of last summer.

45. do you trust your instincts a lot?* incredibly so, yes.

46. tell us the worst pun you can think of.

47. what food do you think should be banned from the universe?* at the moment, fish.

48. do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?* yes! i just bought a duran-duran cd…no shame!

49. what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?* my father. no.

50. what’s an odd thing you collect?* georg says my collection of old letters written during the wars is weird.

51. think of a person. what song do you associate with them?* “baby’s on fire” by die antwoord.

52. what are your favorite memes of this year so far?* keanu reactions.

53. have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?* I HAVE THE RHPS MEMORIZED IN ITS ENTIRETY. MY DREAM IS TO DO ONE OF THE REENACTMENTS AS COLOMBIA. heathers is good, but hits a bit too close for me to watch comfortably. beetlejuice is a halloween classic! pulp fiction is also a classic i love.

54. who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?* i looked in a mirror. KIDDING! KIDDING! actually, stan the man did seem kinda sad today.

55. what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?* chugged nearly a whole bottle of benadryl. DON’T DO THAT.

56. what are some things you find endearing in people?* when they talk about things they love and their faces get all glowy. when they laugh.

57. go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?* shocked at how high freddie mercury’s voice can go. no, but i did start dancing.

58. who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?* i’m the wine mom, max is the vodka aunt. it just fits.

59. what’s your favorite myth?* the myth of arachne!

60. do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?* i adore poetry! the book “new american best friend” by olivia gatwood is full of all my favorites.

61. what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever been given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?* i don’t believe in stupid gifts!

62. do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?* orange juice!

63. are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or leave them be?* no! i leave them be, makes it easier for my siblings/friends to grab them when they want to.

64. what color is the sky where you are right now?* black.

65. is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d like to hang out with?* @ask-bobby-maler

66. what would your ideal flower crown look like?* full of baby’s breath and orchids! very big.

67. how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?* miserable. terrible. sad and alone.

68. what’s winter like where you live?* cold and bitter and awful.

69. what are your favorite board games?* clue!

70. have you ever used a ouija board?* yes

71. what’s your favorite kind of tea?* chai tea and bubble tea!

72. are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?* depends on my state of mind

73. what are some of your worst habits?* addiction and clinginess

74. describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.* very easygoing. lots of piercings. naggy about my personal health but throws caution to the wind with theirs. very handsome. a fantastic listener. an even better friend.

75. tell us about your pets!* hellbeasts.

76. is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?* homework.

77. pink or yellow lemonade?* pink!

78. are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?* the what?

79. what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?* one time, reinhold picked me up from school and he had this playlist full of music he thought i’d like and it was one of the sweetest things in the world.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? • i have white walls! i didn’t, but georg’s mom lets me draw on them :) 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. • luminous!  82: are/were you good in school? • i…don’t think my grades indicate my understanding of what we’re being taught. 83: what’s some of your favorite album art? • david bowie has cool covers! 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? • i have one! i don’t want another at this moment, but maybe later… 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? • teen titans is a fun read 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? • THE RISE AND FALL OF ZIGGY STARDUST!!! 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? • black swan. the rocky horror picture show. moulin rouge.  88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? • tons! i go too in-depth, though.  89: are you close to your parents?* no. 90: talk about one of your favorite cities. • novosibirsk. so cool.  91: where do you plan on traveling this year? • i don’t know yet! 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? • DROWN IT 93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? • i like putting flowers in my hair. i leave it down!  94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? • wiebke from lit class! 95: what are your plans for this weekend? • i don’t know yet. get really fucking high? maybe leave town. 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? • depends 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? • i don’t know. taurus. i don’t know. 98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? • last weekend! it was lovely! 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. • vagabond by misterwives, homeless by marina kaye, rootless by marina and the diamonds 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?* neither. i don’t want to risk that.

#ilse neumann #ask

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readingsbylibramc · 4 years ago

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birth chart reading for @silkdust

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a bucket shape, with saturn as the handle of the bucket. your saturn is in the 9th house, hence matters regarding learning, experiences, knowledge and open-mindness will be your priorities in this lifetime. you may travel and learn a lot. you also have clear ideas about your future and who you want to be. even though you may have different passions and talents you’re capable of only sticking to one and mastering it, giving your all.

your dominant planets are jupiter, venus and the moon. you're a very emotional and empathetic person, you always try to be kind to people and you strive to make others feel comfortable with you. yet, you may be a bit impulsive and say things that you don't actually mean. on the other hand, you're very easy-going and kind-hearted, you hardly ever mean to harm someone.

your dominant sign is sagittarius. you have an amazing sense of humor, your personality is so bubbly that it naturally draws people towards you. you're also extremely open-minded, you rarely have prejudices. you have a knack for spirituality, religion, philosophy... anything that can stimulate you mentally.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and indipendence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in virgo, 1° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

you have a practical approach to the world. you’re kind of logical, it’s hard for you to improvize. you always want to keep everything neat and organized, at least in your mind. you could have a natural coldness to your face. you may seem a bit older than you are, or at least very mature and responsible, even though you may be more outgoing than you look due to your many sagittarius placements. with your attentive eyes, you pay attention to every single detail you see. you’re a perfectionist, and you always want and try to be at your best state. I would say you’re quite competitive when it comes to your goals, but you don’t really do it to be above others. you do it because your obsession for details kind of stresses you out. improving and proving yourself is a way to boost your self-esteem, you feel fulfilled when you can achieve your goals. you are extremely intelligent and logical, you’re always up for a deep talk or simply for an occasion to gain more knowledge. you like being smart, you always want to know about everything. even the latest, trendy meme counts for you. your nature is very cautious; you’re rarely impulsive, you always think deeply about your decisions, as you don’t want to commit any mistakes. because of that, you can be particularly picky. not only with material things such as movies, books, food etc. but even with people. it’s hard for you to open up to someone you don’t know at all. you take things slow, both in friendships and in relationships, just to preserve yourself. you may come off as kind of snobby, but you’re just misunderstood. you don’t like flaky bonds, you need security in your life. physically, as I’ve already mentioned before, you have this kind of strict look on your face. your eyes may be almond-shaped, and you could have a natural feline gaze. overall, you have something smaller about your features; you could have thin lips, a small nose, small eyes… you could have a smaller frame with thin bones. you may be of average height, and I’ve noticed that most virgos tend to have pretty long legs? no matter if they’re tall or not, their legs will still be longer than their bust. but possibly, due to your heavy sagittarius dominance you may still have something bigger or larger on your body, maybe you have wider hips or shoulder or maybe a wide forehead. you may also have almond-shaped eyes or larger lips.

virgo ascendant square sagittarius mercury: you appear as a very intelligent individual, and people may even feel intimidated by that. you love interacting with others; even if you're not much talkative, you like hearing about others' theories and opinions. you could also do that by reading blogs, books etc. you may sometimes find yourself in conflict with others, as you’re very opinionated and hate it when others’ opinions are baseless. pretty much, you could seem like a know-it-all. on the other hand, you have a nice sense of humor, you're able to light up the room with your words, even though this quality of yours may be overshadowed by introversion at first. it's hard to find a way to make you come off as more gentle, as you have some of the most fiery and blunt signs in your chart. the fact that your mercury is in sagittariurs squaring your mars doesn't help either. you could take advantage of your astute words and sense of humor to get you out of troubles, though! just be careful not to claim that everything hurtful you say is a joke. it's something that sagittarius placements do a lot.

🌞 sun in sagittarius, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by jupiter and mars

in life, you strive for freedom and independency. you are an extremely wise person, and you believe strongly in your beliefs. you rarely change your mind, but most of the time you’re an open-minded person. you love learning about anything, and you may also have a good memory. in fact, it’s common for you to be the one who explains things and possibly even leads a group, and this could unluckily make you seem as a know-it-all. you do take pride in your wisdom, indeed. your deep way of thinking is also where your desire for freedom comes from, as you wish to be able to expand yourself through travelling and new experiences. you may also be attracted to foreign things, such as foreign literature, fashion, art, music etc. it’s another way to travel and open your mind, without actually having to leave your house when you’re busy. when you get angry, you can actually get very rude and offensive, even towards authorities. you’re short-tempered, and you despise being told what to do. you’re also a good, loyal friend, and you’re the type to stand up for them and defend them during a fight. you’re very outgoing, especially with people you feel comfortable with, and you probably love talking. you’re able to put a smile on others’ face just by telling your stories, even though you never truly go in-depth. in fact, you have a shy side to you that makes you more secretive, regardless of your friendliness.

sagittarius sun square virgo moon: you're the type to start lots of projects, always feeling like you need to transform yourself or your routine. you're very self-aware of your identity, as you're constantly in contact with your feelings. you may even appear as too emotional, as the sun brings all your emotions out to see. this placement most likely makes it hard for you to make choices, you are very indecisive; on one side, your sagittarius sun wants to make new experiences, you're all about the risk. your virgo moon, on the other hand, wants everything to be planned, you despise going with the flow as you feel the need to have everything under control. as a result, you may change your mind often, and people could possibly picture you as shallow or unpredictable. you're interested in knowing more about your roots, your childhood, and also about having a family in general. when you were young, you probably were even more energetic than now. you could be the type to look nostalgically at your old pictures, and you care about your mother a lot. you're also very interested in your own culture; you're not afraid to show the world your interests, reactions and opinions. the problem with this square, especially with the moon being in virgo, is that the individual may become so self-sufficient at the point that doesn't let anyone interfer in their life. it's obviously a good thing to do when someone tries to hurt you, but there's the risk it may happen even with people that are trying to help you if not well-developed. last but not least, your parents' relationships might have had impact on your growth. maybe they're divorced, and one of them had to compensate for the missing parent; perhaps, one of them was highly influenced by the other.

sagittarius sun square pisces jupiter: this is a hard aspect, which could make you feel even more proud of yourself due to your sagittarius sun. you may feel like the universe is constantly against you, you may feel unlucky, or even overindulge in things you like to cope with sadness or anger. you may have the tendency to overeat, buy useless things etc. you go from having a low self-esteem, to even looking very bossy without even realizing it. you struggle to keep your identity balanced, even though you might have not been aware of it at first. to achieve fortune and joy in life, you need to work hard for it. to do so, you have to learn your karmic lessons in this lifetime, which probably revolve around family issues and their impact on your interactions with others.

🌙 moon in virgo, 24° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and venus

this is the most romantic virgo decan. you want to have everything under control, you can't bear not being organized. you most probably write down your appointments and stuff on an agenda, or perhaps even in the notes app of your phone. you're extremely precise, you want everything to be perfect. mixed with your virgo rising as well, you probably care a lot about your appearance; you most likely have a skincare routine, workout... just anything that makes you feel healthy. you love taking care of yourself, especially of your hygiene. you also put a lot of effort in your outfits, you fear not being at your best state. you're a perfectionist, after all. this also project in your home environment; you may clean your house thoroughly, it's most likely all neat. in addition, this mania of yours of being perfect makes you have high standards; in fact, you need people in your life that try as much as you do. you despise lazy people. you probably have a reputation for always being calm and elegant, as you try to avoid conflicts as much as possible. you're very smart and insightful, and you strive for perfection; you want to prove your power to yourself, as it helps you boosting your self-esteem. in fact, it depends a lot on your achievements; if you don't meet your expectations, you start going through a hard time of insecurity and struggles. you love communicating, but you may struggle to find the right words, especially with your mercury squaring mars. your eyes talk for you, though. you're also very introspective, and you're fond of art and creativity in general. you're very critical, both of yourself and of others. you don't do it with malice, though, but as I've already mentioned you want to frequent people that try to be at their best all the time, just like you after all.

virgo moon square sagittarius venus: there are contrasting feelings in your relationships with others; after all, your virgo moon wants to commit to someone and be loyal to them. on the other hand, your sagittarius venus wants to be free. you don't want to feel tied to someone, you still need your independency. those two desires of yours probably contrast each other, stressing you out. you want a calm, almost boring relationship, but with this placement you can't seem to have one. your feelings and self-esteem may depend a lot on your relationships, not only with your lovers, but also with your friends. if someone isn't loyal to you, you immediately start blaming yourself. in your life you may lack intimacy, and while it may make you feel better at first, based on the rest of your chart you actually need someone on your side. you can't do everything on your own. it's very challenging, but you need to find someone that projects your ideals of love. if you need a free-spirit, go look for one. it may take you a while, but if you learn all the lessons you need to learn from your breakups, you'll be able to live a peaceful life with your spouse.

virgo moon opposite sagittarius jupiter: you enjoy making different experiences and living your life to the fullest, making you also a risk-taker. you may lack self-control, even though I don't really think you struggle with being cautious with all this virgo energy in your chart. with this trait you get bored easily, and you may have a reputation for being flaky. you tend to overindulge; you may spend too much money, or even develop eating disorders like binge-eating. at least, you're able to build your life again and have a fresh start, but you risk to get stuck in this cycle. you have the potential to master different talents, but you may struggle to develop them due to this placement. you're a procrastinator, and you find it hard to focus on more things at the same time. you may also attract people with different beliefs and ideas from you, causing you to fall out with them easily. there are also positive sides to this placement, though! you're probably naturally lucky, even though luck may not always be by your side. you have a nice sense of humor, making you more likeable to contrast your scorpio rising.

🗣 mercury in sagittarius, 1° / 1st decan ruled by jupiter

you say things impulsively, you're bluntly honest, and this could often hurt people around you. in addition, you like having the last word, despite being proven wrong sometimes. you have a knack for wisdom, you love being and looking smart. you're the type to spend the whole day reading and analyzing philosophical quotes and then make them your own, applying them to your life. you want to be and feel experienced, hence you may inform yourself about a variety of topics just for the sake of knowing them, perhaps you're not even that much interested in them. you could go from talking about politics to astrology, your mind is quite messy but still very full. you may possibly have a youthful voice, and sometimes you can speak in a loud volume without even realizing it. you may also exaggerate your words a lot, for example you might have got a single scratch on your cheek and call it a gash. you could possibly also be the type to joke over your own feelings, and then obviously get mad at others when they do the same with you. your mercury is also retrograde, hence you're not much talkative, you're more on the introspective side. you may have troubles communicating your thoughts clearly, or maybe you're the one who may misunderstand/mishear what others say to you.

sagittarius mercury conjunct sagittarius pluto: you may become a bit manipulative. you probably don’t even realize it, though, as you have the ability to make people do what you want them to do. you probably love being right, especially during arguments, and you always manage to be so thanks to your skills. your words are like knives for others, they can truly cut deep through their ego. you’re direct and blunt, as you just say what you have in mind with no filters. you can develop a provocative attitude without even realizing it, which can obviously cause you conflicts. you need to be more careful about how you communicate your ideas, otherwise you could seriously damage other people’s self-esteem. on the other hand, if you acknowledge your flaws and work on them, this can actually turn into diplomacy. take advantage of your interest in your inner self to find out how to be a bit more gentle in choosing your words.

❤️ venus in sagittarius, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by jupiter and the sun

people may consider you flaky, as you value freedom above all. you may be the type that likes making new experiences regarding love, and you often date your crushes. yet, you feel too limited in a relationship. you don't enjoy committing to someone if that someone isn't perfect for you, you're only completely loyal to the one you consider your true love. you can't give up your freedom, your thirst for adventure and experiences for someone else. basically, your ideal partner would be a risk-taker, someone loyal but not too clingy, that is down to go on a road trip in every moment. someone impulsive, that could help you stepping out of your comfort-zone. you're probably into those youthful love stereotypes, e.g. high school dates. you want your relationships to be filled with excitement, you despise boring, traditional and cheesy things. you may also find yourself being attracted to unavailable people; that is, you could fall for people that are already taken, or maybe they're physically unavailable, e.g they live abroad or in another city in general. you're also attracted to foreigners, and people that have a wise, yet bubbly aura around them.

sagittarius venus square libra mars: you are very serious when it comes to love. you seek intense, long-lasting relationships, filled with both romance and passion. ironically, you tend to attract people that are the opposite, who are only looking for fun and casual romance. that could afflict your self-worth significantly, as you feel unlucky in love. this is also another placement that indicates that one of your parents, probably your father, or still anyone of the opposite sex probably influenced your approach to romance and sex. there are different scenarios I have in mind, but I'll talk about it later in the family life section.

sagittarius venus square pisces jupiter: you come off as a very positive, happy-go-lucky person. you're extremely friendly, and this makes you good at social relationships. you may have lots of friends, or at least you have the potential to make many if you opened up and talked to them. yet, while this energy gives you positive vibes, some people may take advantage of that, as you could easily be mistaken for naive. people can try to dominate you unconsciously (sometimes even on purpose) not only in relationships but even in friendships. aside from that, I don't think this placement causes you many problems. you may have the tendency to procrastinate and not work. you could be quite lazy and get easily distracted, as you're constantly with your head in the cloud. yet, thanks to your virgo energy, you still manage to find some motivation to do your work.

☄️ mars in libra, 7° / 1st decan ruled by venus

there’s this stereotype that libra mars people are passive-aggressive. it may be true, but only partially. in fact, you try to avoid conflicts exclusively when you’re in public, or maybe with someone you don’t know well. in that case, you can eventually try to avoid the problem. with people you’re close to, you’re pretty much the opposite. you may say the worst of things that you probably don’t even feel, you may even have the istinct to throw hands. you’re driven by a strong sense of justice, and you probably were the class’ snitch during daycare/primary school. you also strive for equality, hence you may get very defensive when it comes to proving your innocence, or just really anyone’s. overall, you’re a fair person with strong morals, who acts based on the situation you’re in.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in virgo. you appear as someone intelligent, possibly judgmental and critical. in fact, you’re a perfectionist, and most of the time you appreciate it when someone takes care of themselves just as much as you do. you’re also particularly pessimistic, and this could be annoying for those around you. you’re very logical, you probably lack intuition just like you lack water in your chart. you’re very pragmatic, and you may even be judgmental, but this energy is probably mitigated by your jupiter dominance, which makes you more open-minded and flexible. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 4th house: you come off as a very private, yet mature person. you may be quite secretive, or at least you only prefer to share your persona with those around you. you probably love your family, they're the centre of your life and you'll also be very fond of your future family as well.

your 2nd house is in virgo. you have a practical approach to money; even though you may like spending and shopping, I see you being careful with them, and you may even have track of them through an agenda or something like that. you feel the need to be perfect, and that can cause you self-esteem issues. with your heavy sagittarius energy, I assume that this manifests as sudden bursts of insecurity or of confidence, your image of yourself fluctuates a lot. you take pride in your intellect, you are very proud of your ideas, theories and opinions. you could also make money from communication of any kind. you could be a stewardess, as well as a writer, a singer... with mars placed in this house, I feel like you may be very fond of money. you could do something just to earn material things from it, like money or any other good that satisfies your wants. you may be quite materialistic, you enjoy the finer things in life, or at least you want to be financially stable. you like the idea of saving money, but ironically you may be too impulsive when it comes to finances and spend money in random things you may not need. the moon here also gives you materialistic tendencies; you may struggle to show your feelings with words, you tend to show your feelings through material things such as gifts. you're probably the type to say I love you through gestures instead of words. the ruler of the 2nd house is placed in the 4th house: your future career may include 4th house matters; that means that you could follow your parents’ steps and work in their same field, for example, or maybe even follow their studies. you could possibly work with families, e.g as a counselor, or perhaps in real estate. it could also symbolize that you're going to marry someone wealthy, and hence you'll have a rich family.

your 3rd house is in libra. it's most likely common for you to include other people in your thoughs and speech. for example, you may often find yourself talking about your partners, your friends, neighbors, celebrities... you probably also like gossips. this placement, on the other hand, gives you an opinionated, even poetic mind. you could be interested in literature for example, and you most likely were good at school. your mind and words are your energy tank, what satisfy you the most. you may talk a lot about different topics of any kind, from childhood to videogames, but you never get boring. you're always entertaining to listen to. with the ruler of the 3rd house being in the 4th house, you may often talk about your childhood. you may have lots of memories that you're able to remember, and hence you may tell them frequently to your loved ones.

your 4th house is in scorpio, with also your sun, venus, mercury and pluto sitting in this house. your relationship with your family is most likely very intense, but not necessarily good. it could be that your parents were quite overprotective of you, you felt judged and restricted from acting the way you wanted. or perhaps, they were emotionally distant, your childhood lacked affection. you probably had to grow up sooner than other kids, and it could be that you first came in touch with plutonian topics (drugs, spirits, sex, death etc.) at a young age. you were more mature from this point of view. in addition, it's also probably that your parents were particularly overprotective, and hence they could have limited you from making experiences. this challenging childhood of yours is most likely the cause of your unstable self-esteem, and perhaps you also have troubles with long-term goals and dreams too. still, with most of your personal planets in the 4th house, you are still very attached to your family. you may have good memories of your childhood, even though you had to undergo lots of hardships you are still optimistic about it. after all, you learned how to transform and to be a better person through these experiences, making you more mature to approach life.

your 5th house is in the sign of capricorn. capricorn usually brings a feeling of seriousness to the house it’s in. I don’t think it’s your case, though. in fact, neptune, is also placed in this house. you could be a bit more introverted, probably you’re not the type to frequent clubs, parties, etc. you’re more serious from that point of view. your hobbies could actually drain your energy for you; let’s suppose you’re into videogames. you could literally spend the whole day playing videogames, as you take your hobbies very seriously. you’re not the type to start a project and then leave it, and it could be helpful considering that your sagittarius sun gets bored very easily, you’re very resolute. also, you most likely have 'mature’ hobbies; you could be into politics, economy, history… you could be into slower types of music, for example, or perhaps you like reading about world issues. with your children you may be quite strict, as you see them as a responsibility. also, you may often be attracted or attract older or more mature partners. you’re most likely a very romantic and artistic person, you may be fond of music, dancing, singing, acting… anything creative that stimulates your senses. yet, you may be a bit picky when it comes to hobbies; you probably only like reading specific types of books, you only listen to a certain music style, and so on. you may also be into spirituality such as psychology, astrology, law of attraction, yoga, mediation, etc.

your 6th house is in aquarius, with also uranus placed in this house. people with aquarius in their 6th house need to change their routine throughout your life. probably, when you were you younger they taught you things that aren’t healthy for your body and health. you may have to change your diet, your medicines… also, you may sometimes procrastinate in your day-to-day life. I don’t think you do it too often, but it may still happen due to your sagittarius dominance in your chart, but for example you wouldn’t mind skipping a day of school or work to play videogames. this placement also indicates that you may often come across unpredictable events in your daily life. you may often see strange, unordinary things, or perhaps it’s your routine that is like that. you may lack consistency when it comes to diets and health, for example; you may start a diet and keep it for a month, then you get tired and drop it all of a sudden. you could also develop unexpected diseases. you may pursue a career that looks unexpected for you at first, something that you never thought you'd do. it will most likely be a creative, artistic job. it will be a very pleasant job, it won’t even feel like a duty to you as you’ll choose a job that you like and that you’re passionate about. regarding your health, throughout your life you may often come across sudden health problems, illnesses may come out of nowhere.

your 7th house is in pisces, with also jupiter placed in this house. with this pisces descendant, you attract people that are pretty much very intuitive and soft; they could have pisces placements, or at least they’ll be extremely artistic and emotional. yet, you may as well surround yourself with 'broken’ people. that is, people that aren’t exactly in the best state of their health, whether physically or mentally. neptune, the ruler of this house, is in the 5th house. since in your chart the 5th house represents your job too. you’ll most likely meet your future spouse at your work place. you could pursue the same career, they could be a customer of yours… or perhaps, you could meet them in a fun situation, like a party, a vacation, a night out… any situation where you’re supposed to be chilling and having fun, you may meet your future spouse there. with jupiter in this house, you may meet your future spouse at school, or maybe even directly abroad. they may be foreign, or at least they’re able to speak a different language from yours. they could also have a different culture/religion. also, in a relationship you probably hate feeling suffocated. while your pisces descendant may make you enjoy skinship, you may sometimes also need your space, you still need your freedom, especially since your dominant sign is sagittarius. overall, this placement also indicates that you may have more than one marriage, or in general you’ll date many people. you could also be quite lucky when it comes to love, and you only tend to attract the positive side of your pisces descendant.

your 8th house is in pisces. you may have many dreams, you’re very artistic and creative. yet, due to this placement, you struggle to let this side of you out and make it concrete. since you have a strong virgo dominance in your chart, I assume that the reason for this blockage is your rationality. you’re way too logical, and you don’t leave space for your imagination. that’s probably caused by the fact that you’re afriad of being seen as a failure, and hence you don’t really go out of your comfort zone when it comes to your ideas. to reach your state of happiness, you need to turn what you dream about into reality, just like the fact that the ruler of the 8th house is in the 5th house confirms: you have 8th house-related hobbies, such as astrology, horror, occult, sex, psychology… or perhaps, you could work in one of those fields. you may also handle someone else’s money, hence you could work in a bank. this is also another placement that indicates that you're not the type to be extremely extroverted, you'd rather stay alone than in others' company.

your 9th house is in aries, with saturn sitting there. you have a joyful, child-like approach to adventures. you strive for freedom, you want to be your own boss. you don’t want others to tell you what to do, but saturn here may make you struggle to achieve your individuality. perhaps, during your childhood, you were restricted from acting the way you wanted. it’s like your ideas were disrespected, and you weren’t allowed to embrace them, or perhaps you were afraid of the consequences. it may be that when you try to break free from what you consider to be a limitation, you may come across a few struggles that could possibly hurt you. luckily, this is an aspect that will naturally get better time with time as you get more mature. in addition, saturn is well-aspected, so you don’t really have to worry about anything in particular. the ruler of the 9th house is in the 2nd house: you may be interested in foreign languages, and you may actually be able to speak one, or at least you are skilled enough to learn one. you’re also very open-minded. you could actually earn money from this interest in foreign languages and cultures, you may work abroad or maybe as a translator. you could also earn profit from writing of any kind and / or teaching.

your 10th house is in taurus. when it comes to work, you’re quite materialistic. you want to earn a great income from your job, you aspire to be wealthy, and luckily with your virgo dominance you probably don’t lack ambition. yet, as I’ve already mentioned in the previous sections, you shouldn’t procrastinate nor be lazy, you should break free from your limitations and work hard to visualize and achieve your goals, or it may be hard for you to have a stable career life. you may be attracted to artistic careers, such as designing for example, or even stuff like food. you could be a singer, a rapper, a writer… even a therapist or a counsealor, as well as an actor or comedian. you would do well at a variety of things to be honest! but make sure that you understand who you want to be.

your 11th house is in cancer. this placement indicates that your friends, they’re your comfort-zone. you feel understood when you’re with them, they’re pretty much like a family to you. you can tell them anything, you put all of your trust in them. or at least, if you haven’t met anyone like this yet, you’ll surely meet a friend that is like a soulmate to you. they’ll also be very important for your growth. in addition, it could also be that you’re still friends with someone from your childhood or even high school days, and hence you could literally grow up together. you could also have some step-siblings. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 2nd house: since your 2nd house is in virgo, you could befriend people that are quite similar to you, mentally or maybe even physically. your friends may come from abroad, they may be able to speak more than a language just like you do. or at least, they’re also very open-minded and intelligent. you may also meet them in school / college or even work. in fact, you may earn money from or together with your friends, perhaps you may work together. or at least, when you're with your friends you feel much more secure, it's probable that you act more confident when you're with them.

lastly, your 12th house is in leo. this is kind of a tricky placement, as leo rules the self, the ego, and the 12th house rules fears. you could be afriad of being too confident, of feeling worth it, or even just by being in the spotlight. perhaps, you have stage fright. this fear of embracing your persona makes you very insecure, even though you probably don’t show it. also, since your 12th house is the house of dreams, you could often make dreams that involve yourself. you hardly ever dream of someone else, and if you they’re probably your lovers, possibly your friends. you may also make daydreams or sleeping dreams of creative, utopic scenarios. the ruler of the 12th house is in the 4th house: your family may also be somehow involved in spiritual matters; they may be into psychology, astrology, tarots, religion… you may even have sleeping as a hobby, you could sleep a lot to relax. you could also enjoy yoga, meditating and doing charity work. you could also make dreams about children, about your childhood or about your family.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract scorpio, sagittarius, pisces and capricorn placements. your future spouse will most likely have scorpio and sagittarius traits placements, maybe a scorpio - sagittarius cusp. they’ll be very assertive, bold and confident, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them. as I’ve already mentioned before, you may meet them during a fun situation, hence at a party, during a vacation, in a restaurant, at a concert… also, your spouse will most likely be one of your soulmates, and hence once you meet them you’ll probably have this 'I’ve already seen you before’ feeling. they’ll seem very familiar, and you’ll find emotional comfort in them. your children will most likely have strong capricorn or pisces traits: they’ll be very hard-working and ambitious, but also very funny and warm. also, they’ll be extremely creative and more mature as time goes by.

👶🏻 family life

I won’t say much in this section as I’ve already talked about your childhood in the 4th house section. anyways, your mother was probably the most dominant figure in your family. she was very intense, even scary at times, especially when she got angry. she might’ve also been very possessive or overprotective. she could have scorpio, gemini, virgo, leo, libra or aries placements in her chart, as well as taurus. as for your father, he was more laid-back, but probably very stubborn and also quite protective too. he may have taurus or libra placements in his chart. if you have siblings, your relationship with them may be quite pleasant. probably, you used to get along very well with them, it was pleasant for you to hang out and talk to them. they could have libra or taurus placements in their chart.

📊 career

luckily, there are many aspects in your chart that indicate that you’ll be able to earn a big amount of money from your future job. it will most likely allow you to communicate your feelings, and it will also be the key to finally achieve a stable relationship with your self-image and worth. there are strong placements in your chart that point out to acting and writing talent, as well as singing talent. you’re just a very charismatic speaker, so I’d suggest you to take advantage of this natural talent of yours to earn money, luck and self-esteem. as I've already mentioned above, you'd do great at jobs that require teaching, hence you could become a teacher or a professor, as well as writing of any kind, especially creative writing; you may write books, poems, or maybe articles for fashion magazines. careers that allow you to interact with others and talk about feelings are also recommended, hence you may do well as a nurse, as a therapist, etc.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

your sagittarius energy screams grunge! you probably love 90s/00s aesthetic, with fishnets, black, burgundy, belts, leather jackets... all of this stuff. also, oversized clothes are a must for you. you may especially be fond of wearing tight tops with baggy jeans or viceversa: tight pants, possibly leggins, with big, long sweatshirts and t-shirts. it's very comfortable, but you still make it look trendy and particular with your charisma. you may also love printed things, especially graphic t-shirts. for shoes, I'd say trendy sneakers and boots are a must in your wardrobe.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past lifetime, you used to put your spirituality aside for a while to focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you learned how to be responsible, healthy and stable on the earth. you know your values, and they’re already very grounded, you’re very mature from this point of view. in this lifetime, you now need to get more in touch with your spirituality. you need to get close to your higher self, and you may actually be quite skilled at it; probably you may interpret your dreams, you could be interested in religion, what’s beyond the world, and you’re most likely also interested in astrology and other occult matters. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having awareness of your soul’s purpose. since you’ve booked a reading, I’m sure you’re already on the right path, so keep going this way.

🤔 major transits analysis / february 27th

tonight's virgo moon will have huge influence on you as your moon sign is virgo, and it's also conjunct your ascendant! a new moon represents new beginnings, and hence it's the perfect time to start making effort to change your mindset or your appearance, in your case. if you want to start a diet, a workout routine, this is the best time for you. in addition, it's also a good time to evolve your mindset, you could start being a bit more optimistic and it's also a good time to manifest or start manifesting. beware of sudden health issues, though!

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

the best way for you to manifest is idealizing and acting at the same time. you have both energies combined in your chart, which is great actually! I’d suggest you to first picture what you want in your life, and then do something concrete to manifest it. for example, let’s suppose you want this gucci bag; first, think about it deeply. then, you could try going into a gucci shop and just walk around, maybe even touch that bag. you’ll get results if you believe it! it’s also great to write and read/listen your own positive affirmations, such as 'I love my gucci bag’, 'the gucci bag my mom gave me is amazing’ and so on.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated <3 -libramc xx

if you want to book a reading like this one, check my pinned post!! :)

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