#ethan dolan sad

[buddiedaydreamer911]

ethan dolan is now married.

i am so very happy for him but my inner childhood heart is broken.

[simplyxdolxstyles]

Faded G.D x Reader

So here is a Grayson imagine by request. I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted but I tried to follow it at best :). Any way I didn't know what to call it so I just called it 'Faded' lol

Grayson Dolan x Reader

Living in London has been amazing. Moving there when you started university all the way up to now, after living in Sweden priorly, with a great life going you couldn’t think of possibly leaving now.  

You were out for a walk on this lovely fall day. It wasn’t too cold, it was just right. Staring at the changing leaves you closed your eyes and relished in the feeling of autumn, it was one of your favourite seasons (it’s also mine). It was getting colder, but that didn’t bother you, you enjoyed it actually. After you got back, you noticed a movers truck parked along your building, ‘someone’s moving in’ you thought.  You see a vague figure walking around but thought nothing of it. Shaking your head, you entered the elevator and headed to your unit (is that right? Forgive if it’s not).

The next you had to get ready for work. It appeared that the person who was moving in was moving onto your floor as there was quite the racket. After downing your breakfast and locking up, you headed towards the elevator, until you saw someone make their way to the elevator as well.

“Wait! Hold the door!” They called out. You did and noticed it was the same person you had seen yesterday.

“Thank you, Sorry about that, I’m in a bit of a hurry. I just moved in and I need to get to the hardware store to get somethings Also, sorry for the noise and I didn’t mean to be so loud.” The guy spoke, turning a bit red in embarrassment.

You’re stricken with a sense of shock. You’re pretty sure the guy talking to you, and standing next to you is the one and only, Grayson Dolan. And he’s gonna be your new neighbour.

“Don’t worry its fine.” You replied with a little smile after you got over your shock. Wow, the ��Grayson Dolan’ living in your building and on your floor too.

“I’m Grayson.” He says with a dimpled, sticking his hand out. Of course you knew that but you wouldn’t tell him that, so you played along. He also became rather…flirty.

“I’m (Y/n), nice to meet you, Grayson.” You reply with a smile back. The elevator stops and the doors open. You knew what he was up to

“After you,” He spoke you gesturing you to exit first. “Thanks.” You mutter. Walking towards the entrance doors, he turns to you.

“It was nice meeting you, (Y/n), hopefully we’ll catch each other more often.” He offers again, eyes lingering on your face.

“Sure.” You simply reply. 

And that’s how these run-in’s started. Meeting almost every day in the elevator, it’s rather interesting you thought. You became friends in no time time. You tried not to appear interested, you didn’t want to say you knew him righty off the bat, especially an ex ‘Youtube’ star that he was. You didn’t want to tell him just yet, but you were a fan of his and Ethan when you were younger, always watching them when you would come home from school. They always made you laugh, or cry or whatever, of course you were sad when they announced they were leaving but you understood and respected their wishes, however, this was the last thing you expected to happen to you, living in the same building with Grayson.

“I want to take you out, like for dinner, if you don’t mind, like just as friends.” Grayson had said one day. You looked back at him with surprise, however you accepted.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Just let me know when.” You say.

“Great, how does tomorrow sound?” He asked with his head tilted a bit. It was rather cute.

“Sure, I’m actually off tomorrow so that works.” You offer a bit of a smile.

“Awesome, I’ll see you at 7:00 then.” He offered a smile before disappearing into his unit.

7:00pm came faster than you anticipated. You spent the majority of the day prepping yourself for this evening. You decided casual I mean you didn’t want to be over dressed, if you know what I mean. Before you knew it, it was 7:00.

“Wow, you look really pretty.” Grayson says when he saw you.

“Thank you.” You reply with a smile.

“Shall we?”

“Sure, let’s go.” You lock your door and off the two you went.

Grayson took you to a quaint little place close by. It was rather nice. He was quite flirty tonight you noted, you weren’t really sure where you wanted thing’s to go on account of his history with girls.

“So… in case you didn’t know, I used to make Youtube videos with my twin. It was a lot of fun. We did all sorts of things.” Grayson spoke suddenly.

“Oh really?” You tried to act surprised.

“Um yeah,” He murmurs.

“I see, so how come you stopped doing them?” You asked.

“Well, thing’s started to change and so we decided to stop for the best you know, just leave it at that and move on.” He answered.

“How’s your twin doing?” You curiously ask about Ethan.

“He lives on Australia with his fiancé now. (OMG!) It’s great I’m so happy for them.” He replies with a smile.

“Oh I see, and you? What brought you to London?” You ask.

“Well, I decided to move out of my mom’s place back in Jersey and wanted to start new you know.” You nodded.

“I used to hook up with girls you know.” He said out of the blue. You did know.

“Oh?”

“Yeah I know, I was young and stupid and didn’t know what I want.” He stated.

“Do you know what you want now, Grayson?” you ask. He looks at you for a moment before his face start’s to flush.

“I-I don’t know, maybe?” He said it more like a question.

“I see.” Was your reply.

“You know, you’re pretty cool, (Y/n).” Grayson said. Oh boy.

“Thanks.” You replied.

“I hope we get to learn a lot more about each other. I really like you.”

“Well, I think you’re cool too, Grayson.” You state.

“I really hope we can do this again. I really enjoyed tonight.” He reaches over and lightly touched your hand. Your hands twitched a bit at that. You weren’t sure. You didn’t want to get to close to Grayson in case feelings started. This was beyond what you had expected with Grayson but you didn’t want to end up being another number on his list.      

[friendlyneighborhooddolan]

Mind the moon: part one

warnings: This story is very descriptive. Other trigger warnings are: sexual and graphic scenes, death, religion talk, descriptions of murder, alcoholism, and binge food eating.

pairing: Grayson Dolan x reader

summary: in the first two years after his girlfriend died, Grayson became a wreck, and maybe he will get himself fixed up, and maybe he won’t. Two years later, he meets Y/N.

Masterlist

FADO

when they told her her story was  written in the stars, she went to heavens and crushed each one with her bare hands: stars have no power over her, the night sky is hers now and she will carve it with constellations of her own.

–never tell a goddess her faith

;Wʜᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴇs ᴍᴀʀᴛʏʀ sᴛᴏᴘ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴍᴀʀᴛʏʀ?

You carry the heavens in your eyes like one of those ancient Greek tragedies.

And I’d call you Atlas but he wasn’t given the choice to hold the stars.

You were.

–yet you still break your back by holding the sky in your palms

–Wʜᴇɴ ʜᴇ sᴀᴠᴇs ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ʜɪᴍsᴇʟғ.

She knew she fucked up the moment her customer laughed manically, pulling out a gun beneath his coat. She couldn’t speak a few moments, but then slowly raised her fingers from the keyboard, putting her hands above her head.

“Mr. Jameson, please, lower the gun,” she spoke calmly, but her shaky voice gave her away.

“You are Mr. Dolan’s girl?” the man spoke out, his eyes boring into hers. She nodded, heard his chuckle and looked around. It was a safe room, no cameras allowed here.

“Well then, miss Sage Tucker, you are dead,” he answered. A shaky breath escaped her. She couldn’t die! She promised to go out with him tonight, on a fancy dinner and then maybe… He would’ve proposed and then they could live happily after, and then— Her brown eyes were becoming pools of confusion and her vision blurred, and she wasn’t ready to die.

“Any last words?”

“Tell him that I loved him.”

A gunshot. A scream. Bangs on the door.

A year later, Grayson Dolan was standing next to her grave, still crying his eyes out for not kissing her that awful July morning. He never found out who killed her.

He just knew the letter he got from the killer said her last words were “Tell him that I loved him. “ Fuck he missed her so fucking much it hurt him.

God, he thought, God, if You’re really up there somewhere, keep her safe. Please. You took her away for a reason, but please protect her. She’s more fragile than she lets on. Please. If she had to die, please, let her know her life was my life’s best part. And, please, send me an angel. So I don’t get messed up.

A sigh behind him.

“You remember too much, Gray,” a man, a face, almost same to his, speaks out, “You carry too much guilt and it wasn’t your fault.”

“Where can I put it down, Ethan?”

God’s greatest joke was giving alcohol calories. It’s not about coping. At first it was, for inspiration, but for coping, too. But as months progressed, it was more of a need. He was drinking to forget he was drinking to forget he lost her. It’s easy to mix up coping and inspiration and addiction and he spiraled into the last one. It’s not about coping when he wanders into his and his brother’s house, all bruised up and beaten up and dirty and- He’s gotten out of shape. His beard unshaven and his eyes holding dullness everyone saw. He retired, claiming he couldn’t find happiness in the world anymore, and by the time he wonders why he can’t climb up fourteen stairs to his room without almost passing out; his heart wasn’t set on coping. It was set on self-destruction.

Most days, Grayson is a museum of things he wants to forget. If he could, he would rip his own skin off, but he knows the skin cells that touched her are gone. She was gone from his body, and all evidence she was ever his lost with the molecules of his skin components. He lost them in the first few months of grieving. That still makes him want to rip himself apart, though.

He left her in her favorite places. The diner where they first met. Her childhood home, where her parents still live. The creek where they used to skinny dip. His old car. He was happy he did. He was happy that she lived her favorite memories through him.

When Grayson asked his brother to stop smoking, Ethan laughed at him and said: “I will consider it when you stop drinking your way to death.” And as I’m writing this, he has seven shots of liquor swirling in his bloodstream and four hundred eighty three empty calories and no food in his stomach and he thinks he used to handle much more, and his best friends joke about him being such a lightweight.

He was drinking whiskey from a bottle when a girl interrupted him.

“Mr. Dolan?” her soft voice full of grief. He groaned in frustration, his vision blurring because of the alcohol.

“I don’t want to talk to any journalists right now,” he answered, words slurring, blinking a few times to focus his eyes on the girl that stood in front of him.

“Mr. Dolan, I’m not a journalist. You are sobbing in the middle of your backyard, drunk out of your mind, and it’s only one in the afternoon. It’s July. I wanted to ask you if you needed any help.”

He looked like the boy from those modern girl poems. His eyes were framed with wildflower bruises and he had quaking knees to prove she could wax poetry like Poe about his goddamn hands alone. He carried himself like one of those old Greek tragedies and his eyes looked like the skies Atlas held above their heads, and his trembling hands held watercolor bruises and she thought his beauty was more of a tragedy.

He wore the smell of blood and alcohol like a perfume, and there was fire on his lips and ice in his veins, and he was a star burning with a light of thousand suns.

“Miss…” he looked at her, his eyes pleading for her last name.

“Miss Y/L/N.” She finished for him.

“Well, Miss Y/L/N, thank you for asking, but I’m doing pretty fucking good.”

“No, you’re not. Look… Grayson,” she hesitated, her hands flying up to toy with the crucifix on her necklace.  Grayson scoffed. “Grayson, I know you’re not okay. You need help. “

He looked at her. Perhaps she was the angel he prayed for months ago. God, he hoped.

“What’s your name, honey?” He asked, his hands playing with the bottle between his knees.

“Y/N. And don’t call me honey,” she answered, her anger towards God showing up. He ruined an angel. They say the loveliest angels make the cruelest demons, and he was so kind and beautiful before they dragged him into hell. She knew, she did see him before he became the mess of limbs and heartache and hate. Two years ago.

“Sit down, Y/N.” He patted the grass next to him. She hesitated. He might have been nice before, but who knows of his morals now? She certainly doesn’t.

“Y/N. I’m not repeating myself. If you want to help me, sit the fuck down.”

So she did.

“Tell me, Y/N. Where does your God live?” He asked her when he caught the glimpse of the crucifix adorning her neck yet again. She smiled at the question.

“Oh, Grayson! What kind of question is that? Our god lives in His Glory, all over the world and its wonders!”

“How come He was there when Sage died?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your answer is wrong. God lives where we want him to live, where He is invited.”

She hummed.

“Yeah, He does.”

“I tried quitting. I really did. I know Sage would hate me now. But once you get dragged in there, there’s no turning back. I hate it, I hate myself.”

Y/N didn’t expect him to say that. Neither did he, to be honest. But if she was his angel, he should let her know. He should let her know he was in desperate need of saving.

“Was she pretty?”

“I’m not going to compare her to neither sunsets nor flowers. She wasn’t something pretty just to look at, she was the blood running through my veins, and when she died, she took a part of me to heaven. Yeah, she was pretty. But in other ways, like your mother’s hug or your childhood memories or your favorite stuffed animal. She was the sunshine, and when they told me she was gone, it felt like moon fell from the sky.”

“Oh, God.”

“No point in calling his name. He doesn’t hear a sinner’s suffering.”

The next time Grayson saw Y/N, she was talking with his brother. She laughed, and he was convinced God sent her. Perhaps He heard his suffering.

She brought a cherry pie. His goddamn favorite. The way she looked was so sweet; wearing that yellow sundress, all soft and delicate and warm, like an otherworldly being, her hair in a pretty braid, lying on her tan shoulders.  

She left as soon as Ethan took the warm dessert, thanking her. She said something about visiting her mother and how he should leave some for Grayson.

That night, Grayson texted the number she wrote on his notepad, claiming it was hers.

“I don’t want to seem unapproachable, but it’s hard to interact with people sometimes. It’s draining.”

He hit send. It was hard, and he thought about it for a few minutes, but he did it.

“I know, G. I was like that once, too”

And then, another message: “People shouldn’t expect everyone they want to talk to wants to talk to them”

“They don’t get us, Y/N. They think you’re okay unless you are bleeding.”

“My mom tells me pain fades with time.”

“I don’t think so. You just learn to be strong despite it one day.”

“True”

And again: “How did you like the pie? It’s my favorite recipe”

“God, it was the best pie I had in a long time.”

“I’m glad.”

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Can’t make you love me pt.2 (E.D.)

Summary: Ethan has a hard time finding what’s really in his heart, but once he does, he does what he thinks is right.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, violence, swearing

Word count: ~2.5k

a/n: Managed to get this one out! Let me know what you think :)

Part 1  Part 3

Ethan spent the entire night pondering his life decisions. He was so sure their friendship was rock solid and he never once believed she had any interest in being more. Yet, he finds himself in ruins now, knowing Y/N had forsaken him. Little hope remained in his heart, serving as a beacon of light she represented in his life.

How could it be over now, after everything they've survived together? It simply made no sense in his mind as the ache in his chest reminded him of the mistake he's made.

Y/N was always by his side, no matter the cost and instead of being there for her, especially on that particular night, Ethan decided to make out with a complete stranger he met on the plane.

He hated himself for that choice, but it was far too late to change his actions.

All he had were memories of times where he questioned his entire life and the world around him and every damn time Y/N was the main reason why.

He remembered when they first met. They were supposed to be just two people passing each other on the street, but destiny had different plans for them.

Ethan's eyes widened as a car plummeted down the street with no regard for anyone's safety. It wasn't slowing down, rather speeding up while swerving and the girl standing in the way didn't even notice it. Leaning on a wall, completely engrossed in a book with a cup of coffee in hand, the girl was in the dark about the danger heading toward her.

Without a second thought, Ethan ran straight for her, tackling her to the ground and away from the scene. During the fall, he made sure to turn so she'd fall on top of him, but once he hit the ground Ethan turned again, rolling over to protect her with his body.

Slowly lifting his head, Ethan looked down at the girl he had a firm grip on. He completely forgot how to breathe from the adrenaline pumping through his veins, but she is the one that truly took his breath away.

Her eyes just fluttered open while he stared at her in worry and even amazement, feeling as if the world completely stopped moving for them.

Ethan never felt like time stopped before, not when he was taken by a girl or when something really good or bad came his way. But this time was different. She stopped time for him.

However, despite what Ethan believed would happen, the car managed to stay on the road, stopping completely about 10 feet away.

"Oh my God! Ethan! What the fuck are you doing tackling people like that?!" Grayson screamed at his brother, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him back up and away from the girl.

Simple touch of his brother's hand had woken Ethan up, reminding him to move and let the poor girl breathe.

Grayson pushed Ethan out the way rather roughly, reaching for the girl in order to help her get back on her feet.

She kept her eyes on Ethan regardless, staring at his with questions and slight irritation in her eyes.

"I am so sorry about my brother. He's special." Grayson began to explain, bringing Ethan back to reality.

"That car was about to fucking snap her in two. I had to react!" Ethan snapped, turning to the girl with a bit more relaxed expression.

"I am really sorry if you got hit and about your coffee. Can I buy you a new one?" He said softly, noticing the girl tilt her head and a small smile she graced him with.

"Thank you. I should pay more attention to my surroundings instead of keeping my head in books all the time while making handsome men save me from being possibly killed." She rambled, tripping over her words but delivering them in one piece nonetheless.

Although girls talking fast usually confused him, Ethan found her adorable. There was simply something about her he found irresistible and it was hard to stop himself from flirting.

"So you think I'm handsome?" He gave her a cheeky grin and Grayson retorted with a groan.

Y/N laughed, shaking her head like he amused her and Ethan realized he wanted to hear her laugh more often. Forever if possible.

"I'm Y/N and I'd love that coffee if the offer still stands?" She offered her hands for both boys to shake at once and it was then that they both knew Y/N would be more than a passerby. 

That day reminded him of what it means to have people who can amaze you and make you question what our role is in the universe is. Had he not been there, would that car still remain on the road and away from her? Would it end up being her demise? Would he have ever learned what it means to look in someone’s eyes and have time stand completely still? Who would he be today?

It wasn’t he who always saved the day. In fact, Ethan was often the one in need of saving and Y/N never shied away from being his hero.

“I swear I’m gonna die. This is it for me.”  Ethan whined, curling up into a little ball under the blanket while Grayson rolled his eyes over his brother’s dramatic behavior.

“Dude, you barely have a fever. You threw up ONCE. Get the fuck up.” Grayson was not in the mood of being Ethan’s personal servant today and he knew his brother was overreacting.

“Where’s the sick little baby?” Her voice alone made Ethan look up, trying to take a peek at his best friend like the sight alone would cure him.

“I smell soup!” Ethan exclaimed, smiling from ear to ear while sniffing the air for tasty goodness he knew she brought for him.

“Your favorite!” Y/N chimes in, sitting in a chair beside the couch with a bowl ready in hand. 

Ethan licks his lips readily, holding the bowl on his own while making sure to stick his tongue out at his brother.

“See! Y/N cares if I live or die!” Ethan smirks before sipping the warm liquid, moaning for effect.

Grayson left soon, deciding to do the preparation for a video while Y/N is still there, completely missing the moment Ethan asks for her to join him on the couch.

Y/N allowed Ethan to lay his head on her chest, running her fingers through his hair to soothe him. His nausea slowly disappeared as her heartbeat lulled him to sleep and his arms wrapped around her to keep her in place. 

All he remembers before falling asleep is the sense of belonging and happiness he forgot was real.

She was the one to warn him if someone seemed fake or untrustworhy, the one to make sure he and Grayson never did something so crazy that would get them killed.

So, a month without hearing her voice was already killing him slow. Grayson was constantly pissy and he couldn’t stop blaming Ethan for her absence. And Ethan knew he was right.

It was his fault.

James had invited them to a party and no matter how many times the boys said no, James wouldn’t accept that answer. However, what truly got them on board were three simple words:

“Y/N is coming.”

They walked into the party with eyes gliding over the people in search of her familiar figure, both agreeing to let the other one know if they have any luck. 

Ethan turned, spinning in circles with thoughts running wild. He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering, hoping he’d have something to tell her once he finally saw her. 

And then his eyes found her. 

She stood five feet away, a drink in her hand and a guy attached at the lips. 

Ethan blinked slowly, trying to restart his heart. His brain screamed it’s someone else, anyone, but her, but Ethan would know her even if it were pitch black. 

“I can’t find her anywhere!” Grayson came up from behind him, complaining as he did the entire month. 

“I found her.” Ethan says in disbelief, nodding in her direction until Grayson stepped in front and finally saw the scene.

“Dude, she seems off.” Grayson frowns, biting his lower lip with uncertainty.

“She’s having the time of her life!” Ethan threw his hands forward, feeling a loss of control. There were no filters left in him anymore and as the hurt in his chest turned into a void, he realized exactly why.

“And I’m the one bleeding.” Ethan adds, his voice breaking.

“Serves me right.” The words were meant more for himself than Grayson to hear, but he couldn’t ignore it.

“I’m saying something is wrong, E. Just look at her.” Grayson points him toward the scene, and although painfully reluctant, Ethan looks at her and her current state.

Y/N had her eyes closed, slightly furrowed brows and her hands both trying to push back the guy with as much as force as she could muster. It wasn’t much, but she was fighting him and it flipped a switch inside Ethan’s mind who no longer stood broken, but moved forward as fast as possible with fist already forming.

She was drunk and the guy was using her, ignoring her protests. It was enough to set him off.

Grayson couldn’t stop him from grabbing a fist full of the guy’s clothes, the other fist readily slamming in his face once he stumbled back from the force and away from Y/N. 

He could see Grayson catch her before she falls, relaxing with that thought in the back of his mind, but his eyes only saw red after that.

He punched the guy over and over again, letting the punches grow stronger with each one hitting it’s mark. He didn’t feel the pain of his knuckles cracking, nor did he care about the blood spluttering over his face.

He didn’t care about anything at all until Grayson had pulled him off the man.

“STOP! Just Stop!” Grayson shouted, holding his arms behind his back while Ethan became blind with rage.

Until she stepped in front of him.

Her eyes looked drowsy and watery, her lips and chin quivering, her shaky hands calming once they cupped his cheeks and Ethan could finally see clearly again.

“St-t-top. Ethan p-please.” She stammered, whispering. 

“Are you okay?” Ethan speaks, trying to unclench his jaw and let the rage disappear.

“Come with me.” She nods to Grayson to let him go, taking his bloody hands in her own and leading him toward the bathroom. 

Y/N didn’t look back at the guy who had overstepped his boundaries before, nor did she look to James who was freaking the hell out. She just looked forward and away from Ethan.

Inside the bathroom, Y/N locked the door and tapped the bathtub for Ethan to sit on. Easily, she found the first aid kit and began to prepare gauze and everything she may need on the sink.

“You can’t even look at me now?” Ethan says quietly, unsure if his voice would comply should he choose to speak up.

Y/N doesn’t reply, but she does look at him. His hands to be exact.

Dabbing the freshly opened wounds with alcohol, Y/N bites on the soft flesh inside her lower lip as Ethan hisses in pain.

“Are you really going to j-just pretend I’m not here? Silent treatment?” Ethan continues to provoke her for a response, gritting his teeth to stop himself from crying out.

Silence.

“Okay, so you’re just gonna wrap it and tap it now?” He tries with a joke while she wraps his knuckles in gauze silently, careful not to hurt him anymore than necessary.

Once she’s done, she sighs loudly, looking up before letting her eyes fall on Ethan who had began to pout. His eyes spoke of no jokes or attempts to lie, only pain Y/N understood on a deep level. 

“I really fucking miss you. Like a part of me is missing somehow, you know?” Ethan admits, swallowing thickly to stop himself from crying openly in front of her. He knew he could be vulnerable with her, but he still didn’t want her to think of him as weak.

“I know.” She finally responds, her lips pressed together in a thin line.

“Come back then. Please. We need you. Grayson needs his best friend back. I need my best friend back!” He lets his voice go a little higher, but he doesn’t shout. He never shouts at her.

Y/N gives him a mirthless laugh, running both hands through her hair, pulling on it a little too hard.

“You don't know what if feels like to be in love with you Ethan! One day it's pure bliss and the next is pure agony! There's no coming back from this. I can't go back to pretending we're okay when I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I have too much love for you inside me, all of it mixing with unexplained hate....Hating you for not feeling the same way and I just...I hate myself for feeling that way. I can’t be a part of your world anymore, E. I just can’t.” 

Y/N turns around, swiftly unlocking the door and running out into the crowd. 

Ethan ran after, tripping over his own feet with a terrified look on his face. A month ago she promised to be back and now she promised the opposite and he had lost any feeling in his limbs...and yet he ran after her. He managed to move, simply to make her stay.

“Please! Y/N, just! Please!” Ethan was helpless, anyone could hear the despair laced in his calls. Even she could. 

It’s why she stopped. It’s why she turned around and faced him with her arms wrapped around her in hopes of forming a protective barrier, one to protect her feelings instead of her body.

“If I stay, I’ll die a slow, painful death. Because I die each time you look away, Ethan. I die each time you look at another. I die each time you prioritise someone over me and it’s all the damn time. I really believed you’d find a way to love me in time, but I was so wrong. I can’t make you love me if you don’t and you can’t make me stay if I don’t want to. Let. Me. Go.” Y/N was begging him at this point, pleading to let her go but to hold her close at the same time. He could tell. Ethan always had a feeling his brain is programmed to read the subtext in anything she says or does. which is why he knew...He knew she needed him and yet, some small part of him prevailed, telling him to step back and keep his mouth shut.

He couldn’t promise her to be her forever, but she was all he thought about. She stopped time for him and he wanted more than anything to do the same for her. He wanted to be everything she deserved and more, but he felt inadequate. He wasn’t enough. He would never be enough. 

And so, no more denial, with the full knowledge of how deep his love runs for this girl, Ethan turned his back on her and walked inside, breaking two hearts that night instead of just one.

Tags: @xalayx @accalialionheart

[hnmdolans-blog]

until next time - ethan dolan

(please have mERCY it’s 2am it’s unedited i’m bored and i wanted to write sad stuff so mildly enjoy)

a series of notes you’ve written to him.

Dear Ethan,

You’re very cute, I’ll give you that, but you’re not very sneaky. I saw you slip your love letter into my locker this morning and run off -- loudly, may I add. Mr Anonymous no more. I still love the gesture though. Until next time, (Y/N).

Dear Ethan,

How did you know I love daisies? And how did you find out my locker combo? Wait, let me guess, Sam told you? I knew I couldn’t trust her. This little plan you have to woo me over, not going to work! I need more than this, buddy. Until next time, (Y/N).

Dear Ethan,

You know, we still haven’t had a full conversation yet. Does the incident from yesterday count? Let me remind you of it: you walked up to me, stuttered for a solid minute, then threw chocolates at my chest and ran away. I’m a bit worried now, Ethan. Where did your ‘charisma’ go? Until next time, (Y/N).

Dear Ethan,

You’re making me feel things, Ethan. I don’t know if I’m ready to give you my heart yet. Until next time, (Y/N).

Dear Ethan,

Where are you? You haven’t come to school in weeks. It’s not like I miss you or anything, I just want more chocolate. Until next time, (Y/N).

Dear Ethan,

Apparently, you’re in hospital. You supposedly have a brain tumour. I don’t know whether to believe the rumours but your brother looked pretty miserable. You weren’t by his side. I miss you and our little talks in the library. Come back. Until next time, (Y/N). 

Dear Ethan,

I lied. When I said I don’t know if I was ready to give you my heart, I lied. I was so, so ready. In fact, you already had it. You had it the day you slipped your letter into my locker. You held my heart in your hands and you crushed it unknowingly. You had to go and die. I’m a mess, Ethan. You missed our date. Until next time, (Y/N).

Dear Ethan,

It’s been months now. I still visit your grave every day. It’s still all the same -- you’re still gone and I’m still a mess. It’s not like I expected anything else, it’s just that sometimes it doesn’t feel real, as if it’s all a dream. I’m sorry, Ethan. 

Until next time, (Y/N).

[livexdolan]

40 & 70 with gray? :)

40. "Thought I told you to stay by my side, eh?"  & 70. “You know what? Never-mind, you’ll know I’m lying to you anyway.” 

Masterlist

Whenever people found out who your best friend was- you knew they were trying to keep from laughing in your face. If he weren’t standing right next to you when you told people, sometimes they would think you were lying.

You’ve been friends with Grayson Dolan for more than a decade, knowing each other since elementary school. By high school, you drifted apart socially but you still hung out at each other’s houses, played video games, helped him with projects, even decided to go to the same college.

You handled Grayson’s popularity in high school well and he handled your lack of popularity well. All you prayed was college would be different.

It wasn’t.

Grayson decided to join Theta Xi, known to be the biggest pothead frat but also the best partiers. You told Grayson that maybe your friendship wasn’t going to work out, this was the sign. Grayson argued with you and spent weeks proving the frat would never change him.

Three years and a presidency later, he had changed. Yet for some reason, she stayed.

Well, she knew the reason, she’s been in love with him since the first time they kissed. It was on a rock in the forest behind his house, they were 16 and 17 and he had just learned no one had ever kissed her before.

After that, she knew she had to stay in his life even though she wasn’t his type at all and he had never given her any reason to believe he was interested in her as more than a friend.

Now, she’s cursing at the way she always get blindsided when it comes to Grayson. He talks her into the stupidest shit because he asks her in ways that she doesn’t realize what she’s getting into but by the time she finally realizes, it’s too late to back out.

Like right now, leaning against the counter in one of the kitchens. The frat house was split into four quads downstairs and two quads upstairs. Each quad has two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a small living space, which all lead out into the main, large room of the house where the main part of the party is happening.

She could still hear the music thumping beneath her feet, she was upstairs in the ‘off-limits’ quad. It was Grayson, Ethan, Ryan, and Mando’s rooms up here.

Grayson’s the president, E’s vp, Ryan’s in charge of everything grayson doesn’t want to deal with but his official title is treasurer, and Mando’s in charge of all things social media for the frat.

I’m in Ethan and Grayson’s kitchen, the cleanliness not surprising seeing as Ethans girlfriend pretty much lives with them at this point. I always try to clean up Grayson’s room and bathroom when I’m over, the OCD type A freak in me hates seeing his books everywhere, trash cans full of bottles, laundry piled in the corner.

It’s not like that most of the time though, that only happens on his bad weeks. Those are the weeks when he falls into this funk and only talks to me and Ethan. We all give him space because we know why it’s happening, they started right after their dad died.

Mr. Dolan dying was so hard on everyone. My family included. My dad wasn’t a very stand-up guy, and Mr. Dolan always made me feel welcome and was the kind of dad I always imagined my dad to be.

“Thought I told you to stay by my side, eh?" I jump at the deep voice, turning to see Grayson standing in the doorway, looking like an angel committing a sin by looking so hot.

He has on a pair of slacks and a loose, silk shirt, the pattern almost matching Ethans. The theme for the night was Coachella. Even if we were many states away and most of the people here couldn’t afford to even look at Coachella tickets.

I let him talk me into coming, wearing a knit triangle bralette top and off-white shorts Grayson picked out, I just realized my shorts match his pants perfectly.

I quirk my eyebrow at him and cross my arms, “I’m sorry, did I leave you to play beer pong?”

He smiles at me and I want to slap it off his face- or kiss it off- either is fine with me, “I’m sorry, angel. Just come back down and enjoy the rest of the party with me, I won’t ditch you again, I promise.”

Grayson’s always done his hardest to keep ever promise he’s told me, so I push off the counter, my entire hard-ass demeanor falling away and my normal, shy and reserved self takes it’s place. He grabs my hand and I try to ignore the pleasure I get from feeling his warmth on mine.

He pulls me towards the stairs and then we walk down together, me slightly behind him. He abruptly stops and I bump into him, cursing at him but he squeezes my hand, silently telling me to shut up.

I look over in time to see Dylan here, with McKenna. Dylan was my first boyfriend, though we’re only kissed and cuddled, I thought we were serious. Until I found out he had been sleeping with my dorm mate the entire time. That was freshman year, I should be over it. I am over it, but the look Grayson gives me tells me I don’t look as though I’m over it.

“C’mon.” Grayson pushes us through the crowd, keeping us out of the line of sight of my ex.

We duck into one of the quads and I realize too late- it’s the pot quad. The rooms filled with a thick haze, the slight soundproofing making the vibes much more calm and relaxing. There’s only a dozen or so people but I feel much better in here than out there. Even if I don’t smoke.

Someone passes Grayson a blunt and he takes a quick hit, “I feel like I should stay sober to make sure that asshole doesn’t even look at you,” I smile at Grayson’s protectiveness.

“I’m fine. It was a while ago, Gray. I’m over it,” I shrug. Maybe it would’ve hurt more if my heart didn’t belong to someone else.

I make a quick decision and go to take the blunt. Grayson pulls back, the weed out in the air where I can’t reach it, “What do you think you’re doing?”

He raises his brow and I scoff, rolling my eyes, “Give it to me, Grayson. I just want one hit.” He pulls back again when I try to reach out.

He just shakes his head and it feels like his patronizing a child, “this shits strong, angel. You can’t handle it.”

Something about the way he said it sends me back to a memory I forgot ever happened. After Dylan took me out for our five month, we went back to his place and we started making out. I tried to reach for his belt but he pulled away, telling me I wasn’t ready. Couldn’t handle it. That I was too immature and if I wanted it to be great, I should lose a little weight, because skinny girls have the best sex.

I snatch the blunt from Grayson, taking a hit before he can stop me. Fuck men. Fuck all men who think they know what I can and can’t handle. I think I inhaled to much because when I exhale I feel a heavy burn and a dry cough comes up my throat.

Grayson pats my back, “Angel-“

“Don’t.” I push his hand off me. Taking a deep breath, I see Grayson watching me closely. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look it. What is wrong with you tonight?” He asks me and I roll my eyes.

“You know what?” He looks at me expectantly and I sigh, “Never-mind, you’ll know I’m lying to you anyway.”

He grabs my hand and takes me out of the small room, moving us through the crowd to the back porch- a large, glassed in room. There’s only a few people out here.

He grabs my arms, “what’s wrong, y/n? Is it Dylan? I’ll kick him out if you want. ”

I look up into his eyes, the sincerity there surprising me. Grayson’s always been so honest with me. It’s time I’m honest with him. I don’t know if weed works this fast or if it’s the beer I downed earlier but I decide to be honest with him, “No, it’s not Dylan. I wasn’t even that hurt when we broke up. That’s because- I uh- I like you, Gray. I’ve had a crush on you since eleventh grade. I want to be with you. I mean- with you with you. I want to wake up next to you and hold hands and kiss and hug and- I want you to love me as much as I love you.” I rant.

His hands fall off my arms and my eyes well up, knowing the thing I’ve always feared is about to happen. He’s rejecting me. “Y/n I- I care about you. So much. But I- this isn’t a good idea.”

His words break my heart and I keep my gaze on the ground, “Um- okay. Well, I’m gonna- I have to go.” I say, looking up at him and biting my lip to hold back tears.

I turn on my heel and practically run back into the main room, trying to get out of this house as quickly as possible, “Y/n! Come back! Wait!” I hear Grayson’s voice and the tears start to fall, I push through the crowd faster, when someone grabs my arm, stopping me.

“Y/n?” I look up at Dylan, standing with McKenna. His eyebrows furrow when he sees me crying.

“Let me go,” I state, trying to get my arm out of his tight grip.

“What’s wrong? Who-“ he stops when he sees someone behind me, “Of course it was you. You’re such an asshole. What did you do to her?” He demands and I finally get my arm away from him.

Turning to see Grayson with rage in his eyes. He never got over Dylan cheating on me, “I didn’t do anything to her. You’re the piece of shit who cheated on y/n. How dare you come into my house and accuse me of hurting my best friend?” Grayson spits and I grab his arm out of instinct as he lurches forward.

“Gray, stop.” I say, he looks away from Dylan’s smirk to make eye contact with me for only a second before shrugging my hand off him.

“Yeah, Gray. Listen to your girlfriend. Don’t wanna embarrass you in your house, right?” Dylan mocks and I roll my eyes, knowing he’s just trying to rile Grayson up.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” the words are out of his mouth so quick, I don’t even realize what he said at first. I scoff and roll my eyes.

Because this is the time to correct him. You know what, “Fuck you.” I spit at Grayson and push my way out of the small circle forming around us. I make it to the front door when I hear a loud crack, looking back to see Dylan on the ground holding his nose and Grayson looking for me in the crowd.

We make eye contact and I shake my head, knowing this is the end of us. I open the door and slip out, running down the road, passing all the other fraternity houses. I can feel my heart pounding in my ears but I keep pushing myself until I get to my apartment, knowing it’s only a mile or so.

Once I get inside I slide down the door, leaning against it as I realize that happy ever afters are fake. The person you love isn’t always going to love you back. Fuck fairytales.

It’s not like I can hate Grayson- he didn’t know. I can hate him for not chasing me. He probably realized I’m not worth it. Best friends don’t run after each other, right? If he loved me, he wouldn’t have let Dylan get to him. He would’ve grabbed me and made me stay.

Tears fall down my face unrestrained as my heart clenches at the thought of never being friends with Grayson again. We’ve gone through death, high school, years of people trying to pull us apart, and I was able to ruin our friendship with three words.

If it was meant to be, he would’ve fought for me. Figuratively, not physically, seeing as he already punched someone tonight. I drag myself to my room and fell into the blankets, closing my eyes. I pray I will forget this night ever happened.

Next Part...

A/n: For all my people who didn’t get their fairy tale ending ❤️

[ethanhes]

[ri-ahhh]

Me listening to Grayson complain about his ‘long’ hair and realizing men are wimps as I straighten my hair that almost touches my ass lol

[multiparadise]

baby, you’re mine ✦ g. dolan

summary: it’s a lazy day with the dolan twins, ricky, and kyle. during a game of monopoly you admit that kyle is hot as a joke and grayson gets very jealous and feels a bit insecure when his girlfriend confesses she thought kyle was hot when they first met and had a crush on him. 

warnings: none, i think. but i was half way awake when i wrote this so maybe some spelling errors and very bad grammar. this will be edited in the future.

it was another lazy day when you found yourself sitting on the floor at the twins house playing board games with them, kyle, and ricky. hours had passed by and many games of uno, life, and candy land were played. now all of you were in a very intense game of monopoly. you were itching to roll a 4 or 5. if you rolled a 3 you were forced to pay $200 basically wasting the money you collected from when you passed go this round, and if you rolled a 6 you were sent to jail. and if you rolled a 4 or 5 then that was money baby. you were gonna be strolling through boardwalk territory, where properties were sold for the most yet you’d gain more money. 

you took a deep breath looking at the four boys in front of you. “once i roll a 4 or 5 i’m not even gonna apologize to your sorry asses.” you said jokingly and ethan laughed loudly sassing back, “okay sure. you’re not going to roll a 4 or 5 for a fact.” 

you playfully rolled your eyes about to roll the dice when grayson cheered, “yeah babe! i believe in you!”

you laughed at your hyped, super supportive boyfriend and rolled the dice. 7. 

you sighed moving the game board piece in the shape of a shoe and ethan laughed claiming he had called it. 

“could’ve been worse you know? at least you didn’t have to pay $200 like ricky did last roud.” kyle pointed out and ricky agreed but couldn’t hold an eye roll back. 

“i have the worst luck with this game.” he told us, holding up just $30 and two of the lowest proprieties. 

time had passed by and the game was really getting intense now. both you and ethan were tied with the most properties and you had owned one out of two of the board walk properties. you just needed the second one. you were desperate for it, you loved this game too much to let it go. 

it was kyle’s turn and he was in a similar position that you were in earlier. if he rolled a 3 he would land on the one that you wanted and you couldn’t only pray that a) he didn’t land there or b) he did not have enough money to buy it. 

and of course it felt like the world was against you when kyle rolled a 3 and he let out a cheer as you sighed in frustration. “nooo, kyle! that’s not fair.” you pouted and he shrugged getting his money ready. 

you had a pout on your face as you curled up to your boyfriend’s side. of course he felt a bit bad that you didn’t get it but he couldn’t help but to realize how cute you were with that pout on your face. “please kyle, i’ll do anything.”

kyle turned to you, an eyebrow raised, a smirk on his face. “anything?” 

shit. you thought. “i guess?” you shrugged with a small smile on your face. “tell me i’m hot, my ego needs it.” he jokes. you laughed taking it as a joke. everyone’s attention was on you now. “okay kyle, you’re hot. now don’t buy that shit you hear me?” you threatened. 

you felt grayson tense up beside you, sending a glare towards kyle. ricky sensed the tension in the room, “okay guys how about a break? are we ready for a snack?” 

everyone agreed, getting up and heading to the kitchen but grayson didn’t get up. “baby?” you asked cautiously, kneeling in front of him. “you know you’re the hottest guy ever. right? baby, you’re mine and i wouldn’t trade that for anything. not even for boardwalk properties in monopoly.” 

grayson pouted, but stood up wrapping his arms around you. he pressed his face into your hair, inhaling your sent. “you don’t think he’s still hot, do you?” 

you could hear his voice screaming sadness and you didn’t want to answer but you knew that it was best for you to tell the truth. “yes,” you took a deep breath when you felt grayson hold unto you tighter as if he was scared to lose you. “when i first met him i thought he was really hot, and maybe had a bit of a crush on him. but then he introduced us and baby boy when i saw you i completely fell. and i did not fall for kyle when i met him. i fell for you, and only you. okay?”

“okay.” he sighed softly into your hair before lifting your chin up and crashing his soft lips to yours. “i love you.” he breathed out when he pulled back lips slightly swollen. 

“i love you more.” you smiled back and pulled him into a hug before sitting on the floor, forgetting about the snacks, and telling grayson all of your happiest memories which happened to be with him, kissing him here and there and reminding him that he was yours and not kyle.

author’s note: i know i uploaded an ethan imagine a few days ago but i found time to write this! i’ve been a sucker for jealous!twin and kyle imagines lately lmao. i’m sleepy so sorry for any spelling errors and this imagine wasn’t exactly how i imagined it in my head but it’s still an update :) 

[goginaporter]

DUDE OMG why am I so excited Kristina's coming to the US I'm so happy for E 🥺🥺

[aquakris]

don’t touch me I’m emo

[tomsnovia]

imagine taking photo booth pictures like this with either of the twins 🥺

[friendlyneighborhooddolan]

Divine damnation

Warnings: angst, breakups

Pairing: Ethan Dolan x reader

Summary: They have realized they aren’t meant for each other. She left stains on him, and he is softly scrubbing them away.

 She made it. She's home, and everything is just as she left it. There’s a box of her favorite cereal in the cupboard. Her favorite soda in the fridge. Her favorite movie is playing on TV. Her safe bed is made and waiting for her. This was just a test and she passed it. She can rest now.

But it’s raining, and rain only reminds her of the boy she left when she was furious. He was a holy city, and she broke him. When he smiled, his cheeks were the streets of happy, and she would get lost in his eyes.

Show me the stains on his pretty palms and I’ll tell you the saddest love story I know.

There's no place for them here: People like them who have carried angels and demons inside of their bloodstreams, there's no safe place for the hunted ones, no safe place when their own body is the site of storm. They carry their battles with them in every breath, in every fingertip, into every empty bed. They have failed each other yet again and Y/N lights a cigarette, hands trembling like a singer’s voice during a long note.

In this story, she will never understand his need to bleed for everyone else, but she’ll never stop being grateful he did.

Her boy is a soldier and his mouth tastes like fear and cold and dust and fire and – battlefield.

“Please give me a warning next time you lay yourself down for anyone else,” she asked instead.

They could’ve been something – no – they are something. But she likes to set fires and he likes to wait out the storm.

“We can’t allow ourselves to make a home out of this,” Ethan croaked out after a long pause, “You will continue to scream at me because you’re scared, and because I was supposed to show you all the hurt and the ugly in the beginning, and instead you loved me blind.”

They wouldn’t know how to walk away even if they’re killing each other. She loved him first and he doesn’t know how to love anyone else.

Her boy is a supernova: amorphous, ethereal, incandescent. She thinks she isn’t supposed to love Icarus that her boy was. Ignore how pretty his wings look, how daring he is as he preens them. Refuse to notice how gracefully he beats them to seek out the sky, how raw and wondrous his cry of joy sounds against her eardrums. She should look for the salt, the clouds, the ships. Love the beauty of them instead. Icarus’ story will end only one way, and not in her arms. The sea and sun love him too, and she is only human.

“What a thing, to be both starving and full,” she thought out loud.

“What?”

“You can’t fathom why I’d gobble up your kisses but duck under your attention,” Y/N whispers.

“Nor will I?”

“Nor will you. Some of us have gone so long hungry that the idea of being full feels worse than the affliction.”

“Oh, Y/N.”

Some people turn sad awfully young, Ethan reminded himself. But she was an angel and he knew that divinity was never soft. Divinity will stain his fingers and mouth like a pomegranate. It will swallow him whole. Spit him out, wine-dark and wanting. He will reach for it again and again, his greedy human fingers clutching at everything he could reach. The divine will curl its way through his veins and take him over, and it won’t leave him quietly. And yet, he was here, clutching at it. He was just as desperate to be loved by her as the man they met a few weeks back.

And Y/N wasn’t sure what they had is love. She was certain she loved the things in the list below:

1. Flower patterned button ups;

2. Poetry written and memorized at 2 am;

3. Pastel colors and black jeans;

4. A spritz of the perfume that smells like happiness;

5. Soft smiles;

6. Laughter with friends;

7. Stargazing;

8. Dried flowers;

9. Sunsets;

10. Suits;

11. Journals;

12. Late train rides;

13. Misty mornings by the sea;

14. Earl Grey tea.

But she wasn't sure she loved the Icarus that sat next to her. Nor will she ever, and then there was a booming fight – she was scared because she feared something she swore she'd never fear.

“I think we should take some time apart.”

“I thought we could’ve been a forever,” he told her.

“The Earth is littered with ruins of the empires that believed they were eternal, Ethan. Death is certain, and relationships suffer of death, too. We were all born to die, no matter what.”

That’s how she found herself home. Alone, again.

A few weeks later, she had eight shots of tequila swirling around her body and she made a mistake – she called him.

“Am I good or bad?” He asked a few moments after he picked up.

That only made her cry, and Ethan’s heart shattered.

“I’m sorry,” was all she could sob out.

“Breaking my heart and saying sorry doesn’t fix anything.” Ethan rubbed his eyes.

He could still be victorious, pass through the glorious arch of her head, still the only man who ever made her cry.

“I know.”

He could hear hope in her pretty voice, but he couldn’t build her up only to crush her even more.

“It’s over, Y/N. It has been for a long time.”

“I’m sorry, E – “

“Call me when you sort yourself up. We can’t go on like this,” he hung up.

The stains on his pretty palms are fading. She is fading, too.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Dear Soulmate AU (E.D.)

Summary: Frustrated by the pain connection she shares with her soulmate, Y/N makes a video in hopes of finding her other half.

Warnings: slight angst, cursing

Word count: 1700

Dear Soulmate - Series Masterlist

Soulmates are real...at least it's something I've been told my entire life. When we're born, each of us get a special mark that will lead us to our other half. Some people get unique tattoos in different places, other get an actual clock that shows them the exact time when they'll meet them. There are those who see the world in black and white until they meet the one and their world comes to life and there are those who are deaf until they hear their loved ones voice.

There are many variations to this whole soulmate thing, most of which are visible right after birth and those lucky bastards get their mark put in the system and if there's someone with the same one they'll be notified. Other people, such as myself, are born without a mark. It can mean one of three things: you don't have a soulmate, your soulmate died before you were born or you have an emotional/pain connection to the other person. I seemed to be lucky enough to have the latter. It's hard to actually find your other half when you can only feel their pain or sometimes their emotions, but that usually comes after meeting them as a sign of a profound connection.

It's very rare to have a pain connection and only a few thousand cases have been documented in the world since the beginning. The real problem with pain connections is the ability to distinguish their pain from your own. That's why these people rarely find each other, because who would connect a stomach ache to menstrual cramps of their soulmates.

The first time I've felt it was around midnight when I was five, it's one of my earliest memories. I woke up screaming in pain, tears streaming down my face. My parents ran in and saw me clutching my left hand, pulling it to my chest. They rushed me to the ER but there was nothing physically wrong with me. The doctors noted that I didn't have a visible soulmate mark and connected it to a soulmate phantom pain and officially wrote me in the system as a pain connection type of soulmate...no matches came up. That pain stayed with me for about a month..seemed like my soulmate broke his arm.

The second time I remembered feeling the pain was sometime around my eight birthday. I felt a strong headache come on and I fainted. Doctors checked me out and contributed it all to the soulmate connection as well.

These kinds of occurrences became more frequent as I grew and there were times where I couldn't sleep from the pain that radiated in different parts of my body. At first I was worried about whoever it was, but then I became angry at the world, the soulmate connection and most of all this soulmate of mine that had taken clumsiness to a whole new level.

At sixteen, I started feeling like I was on cloud nine. There was this constant rush of adrenaline and happiness running through me which made me pretty happy. My spirits were lifted and I enjoyed life for the first time in years.

I was in class, perfectly content, no pain, no worries, just a normal teenager for once, when I felt a sudden onset of depression that came over me in waves. It was strong and I could barely breathe from the intensity. Something was wrong, very wrong. I ran out and went straight home, curled up in a ball and thought about him. Or her. Soulmates weren't picky about genders and I didn't really mind.

Sometime during the night, an idea came to me. I could try and find this person over the internet. I got up and opened my laptop. I wrote a short letter and decided to film myself reading it. I thought about the right site for this video and decided to go with YouTube.

Dear soulmate

Hello everyone, but mostly, hello to YOU...if You are watching this. My name is (Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N) and I have a weird request. You see, I have a pain connection to my soulmate and it's getting rather annoying since it seems my soulmate, whoever it is, keeps getting hurt. I feel like I'm in pain all the time and I need to find this person and teach them coordination or something, because if I wake up in the middle of the night screaming in pain again, I'll go crazy. I wanted to rant about this unknown person, but right now, I'm more worried than angry, so, in all seriousness, if you know someone without a soulmate mark or with a pain connection to their soulmate, please tell them to contact me. All my contact information will be listed down below, so I really hope you see this...whoever you are.

I logged off and took a deep breath. I hope this works.

Two years later...

My video went viral, but I wasn't any closer to finding my soulmate. Over the years, I decided to continue my videos in hopes of them being seen by the right person. Every time I'd feel pain, even the slightest tingle that I was sure didn't come from me, I'd post about it: the exact date and time, location and type of pain.

I do get a lot of people contacting me, claiming they're the ones, but they never passed my tests. I'd Skype each person and secretly pinch myself as hard as I could to see if they'd feel anything. It never happened.

So here I was, doing a live on Instagram, telling people about my day, since there was a fan base for me and my clumsy stranger, when right in the middle of it I felt a sharp pain in my right arm, shoulder and rib cage.

„OW! WHAT THE HECK?!“ I screamed.

„I just felt a sharp pain in my right side: arms, ribs, ugh!“ I let out a frustrated sigh.

„Do you guys see what I have to live with? Why can’t you be more careful, asshole!“ I yell looking up.

„I've had it. I'm against self harm guys, but seriously, if I have to take their pain, they'll have to take mine too!“ I state and slowly back away from the camera. Using my left fist I punched my left thigh as hard as I could and pinched my right arm. Wincing in pain I start mumbling a string of curses under my breath. I sit down and turn to the camera.

„Well, this was dumb...don't do it at home kids.“ I say faking a smile and look to see their comments. Wow, the comments were going like crazy and they all kept mentioning some Ethan and Dolan kid.

„What are guys trying to tell me?“ I question, fishing out my laptop to google them. I look to my phone and see a few comments fly by, but all I could catch were words your soulmate!

Little did I know that somewhere, half a world away, my soulmate was doing a live on Instragram too.

Ethan's POV

I was just trying to get this skateboarding trick right, but unfortunately I lost my balance and ended up wiping out LIVE. Grayson's loud laugh filled the warehouse when he saw I was still alive and breathing. This is going to hurt like a bitch in the morning.

Out of nowhere I felt a strong pain in my left thigh and a sharp pain in my right arm. I flinch grabbing at the painful spots and Grayson looks at me like I'm crazy.

„What are you doing?“ He asks lowering the camera.

„I just felt this weird pain in my leg and arm! I have no idea where it came from!“ I shout.

I was confused. Everyone I know always speculated I might have a pain connection to my soulmate because I had no visible marks. I, on the other hand, thought I didn't have one..I mean Grayson has an actual timer on his wrist that ticks down till the moment they meet! He has three years left of waiting, while I had no hopes of ever meeting my other half.

„Come over here so we can answer a few questions from the fans before we end the live“ Grayson orders and I shake my head lightly before walking towards him, still holding my left arm as there was still a slight burning sensation.

„Hey guys! Ask us some questions!“ Gray exclaims, but I could feel something weird bubbling inside my chest. I wanted to turn off the camera and just get a moment to breathe..to really think. Was I really a pain type of soulmates? Was there someone out there for me? Really? I kind of lost hope after the tour. I had hoped I’d meet that someone during our tour because we traveled around the world and if that didn’t help faith pull us to one another, I didn’t know what would. I remember feeling sad about it and add that to dad’s diagnosis, I couldn’t handle a double dosage of pain, so I shut down all thoughts about soulmates and gave up.

„E. Are you seeing this?“ Grayson pulls me out of my thoughts and I look at him with a raised eyebrow.

„What?“ I ask and he gives me the phone.

„Look at the comments section!“ Grayson urges.

„Y/N Y/L/N is your soulmate“ I read out loud without even realizing what was coming out of my mouth. As those words finally reach my brain I turn to Grayson with wide eyes. How would they know? I have to see who this girl is!

„I'm sorry guys, but we have to cut this LIVE short and ugh, peacee!“ I spit out as fast as I can and open Google right away typing her name in the search bar.

„Gray..“ I start and he comes over and pulls me into a side hug.

„I'm with you. Hit the search button.“ Grayson says gently, almost as if he's afraid I'll break.

The first thing that comes up is a YouTube video titled Dear soulmate.

I turn to Grayson and he reassures me with a smile and nudges me to play it.

Okay....here we go..

[hnmdolans-blog]

HI! I loveddddd your first bit of writing!! Could you write any of these, 2, 5 or 16??? With Ethan please :)))

hi! thank you so much, we’re glad you liked it! i wrote all the prompts and switched around the order, but if you don’t like it just send another ask x

sorry this is so long!! also disclaimer this has alcohol consumption and i know the twins aren’t of age so lets pretend they are of legal age ok

send a prompt!

5. “Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything”

16. “Just talk to me”

2. “Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry”

Tonight was a night you just wanted to forget. 

You and Ethan had planned to go out on a date for ages now, yet it usually had to be rescheduled due to how busy Ethan was. You didn’t argue, you know how important his career was to him and you vowed to never get in the way of it. Lately, however, you had gotten sick of rain checks and demanded at least a few hours with him. 

It was a few minutes until Ethan was due to pick you up from your apartment, and you were beyond ecstatic to spend time with him and to eat some good food at your favourite restaurant. Your phone rang, interrupting your sweet thoughts of tonight and you rushed to pick it up, knowing it was Ethan. 

“Hey, baby. Are you here?” You grinned, standing up from your couch and sliding your purse over your shoulder.

“(Y/N),” Ethan sighed, and immediately you knew what was going to happen by his sullen tone. He was going to bail, something that you were so familiar with it yet it still hurt. 

You stayed silent though, still holding onto hope that maybe he’d put you first for at least an hour.

“Something came up. It’s for work and you know I really wanted to come tonight, but it’s important..” Ethan was desperate to make you understand, something you had always done when he constantly had to do everything other than spending time with you. 

You kept your composure, and with a shaky breath, you replied. “Have fun, Ethan. I love you.” 

“Thanks, babe.” And with that, he hung up.

You dropped your arms to your sides and fought the urge to curl up on the couch and cry and instead changed out of your dress, wiped off all of your makeup and put on your pyjamas. 

A few hours went by and you still sat on your bed with your laptop on your lap watching Netflix. You weren’t in the mood for another movie, yet you desperately needed background noise to help silence your overbearing thoughts about you. About Ethan. About your relationship.

You come to the conclusion that you’re being stupid, sensitive, making something out of nothing. Ethan knew how much you were looking forward to tonight but he had a good excuse. 

Notification alerts bring you out of your thoughts, so you pause the movie and pick up your phone. Since you and Ethan were public, you weren’t a stranger to many mentions and comments. But you’ve never experienced this much activity.

You open twitter and try and find the reason for your sudden popularity, and it’s entirely not what you expect. You see Ethan, intoxicated, at a party having way much more fun than you were at that moment. 

Your heart sinks to your stomach. It’s okay, you think. Ethan probably didn’t know it was going to be a party. 

Picture after picture, you find Ethan getting further away from sober and closer to blackout drunk. You find fans mentioning you either apologising or saying you had it coming, a girl like you wasn’t good enough. And there it was. Multiple pictures of Ethan all over another girl; kissing and groping and looking as happy as ever. 

You throw your phone to the other side of the bed, feeling the air get thicker and hotter around you. “Photoshop,” you mutter to yourself, very well knowing it looked too real to be photoshop. 

You run to the shower, wanting to scrub the haunting feeling off of your body as if it was a substance that had been spilt onto you. You didn’t want to accept it. You wished you had made him change his mind, to go out with you for a change. Nonsense, really. You knew Ethan would always pull the ‘work’ card on you. You always let him. You were scared of being the bad guy, the one the fans will send even more hate to.

By the time you leave your thoughts, the water is cold and you silently curse yourself for staying in the shower for too long. Changing into the same pyjamas you once wore, you walked towards the living room at sat, not knowing when Ethan will arrive home but willing to wait ungodly hours till he does. 

He comes home at around 3:00am, stumbling and holding onto Grayson for support. You can hear him laughing and babbling until he is situated right in front of your door. He knows you know, of course you do, social media spread the pictures so fast even a hashtag was trending on Twitter. 

Grayson opens the door for him, avoiding all eye contact with you as he helps Ethan onto the couch. You can’t hate him, it’s not his fault entirely, but you feel so, so hurt and betrayed and angry. You stay silent, watching only Ethan with tears threatening to spill.

“Night, (Y/N),” Grayson mutters knowingly, leaving your apartment to get back to his Uber. You don’t take your eyes off of Ethan though and he does the same. He waits for you big reaction, for the yelling to start and the objects to be thrown, but none of it comes. Instead, you both sit there, feeling both sombre and sober. 

Time passes by before Ethan speaks. “Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything.” 

You grab your phone, opening Twitter and finding the picture you despise most in the world and show him. You watch him glance at it for a second before looking away with guilt. You don’t put down your phone, you keep it in front of you. You want him to know how hurt you are.

He looks back at you and back at the photo, before knocking your phone out of your hands and onto the floor in anger. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry I did this to you.” he curses, reaching for your face and laying his palm against your cheek. “Just talk to me,”

You feel him look at you with such love, something he doesn’t deserve to do. You can’t help but start to sob, knocking his hand off of your cheek and hiding your face in your arms. You feel him tug your closer, holding you to him. You would have snuggled closer to him if it were any other time, but now you feel nothing but pain as you pull away from him and cry even more. “Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry.”

You stop crying, wiping your face to stop the tears from falling even more and look at him. You see it. You know he’s sorry, and that he was drunk. But he still kissed her, he still pulled her close, he still chose her over you.

“I want you to leave,” You did your best to stop your trembling lip and shaking voice. “Now, Ethan. We’re done.”

You got up, walking to the room you both once shared and slammed the door. You’re okay, you’re okay. You will be okay.

written by m