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oshinohoshi · 8 months ago

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Regarding Hikaru's culpability in Ai's death

The question of whether Hikaru meant to hurt Ai is still up in the air but in this post I'm going to make an extremely messy argument that Hikaru loved Ai and didn't mean to kill her!

Above: Hikaru said Ai had selfish and cruel sides (more like extremely avoidant tendencies but I digress) but there's no menace to his tone. He believed it was only natural for her to leave him.

I will say that Hikaru's below statement from ch 160 is pretty weird, especially after just learning that Ai loved him. Is that how he saw Ai? As a woman who deceived him and tried to make him obey her?

It does kind of align with the below Fatal lyrics which I can't see as anything other than a Hikaru song:

You have given me a fatal flaw Selfish giant star, ruined lives

I think both things can be true. He didn't hate Ai. He loved her more than anything. But he was bitter because he thought she didn't care about him.

He created a warped view of their relationship in which he was never loved or needed. But that bitterness, even anger at times, never appears to have devolved into murderous intent. Not when he was still so soft on her despite some of his more accusatory statements.

OK you're saying he didn't mean to kill her. But what about this?

I don't know, man. I just don't know. It's so antithetical to everything we know about him. It's one thing to lash out in a moment of pain but a slow burn manipulation like this requires intention. There's two explanations I can come up with.

He was twisting the screws for another reason. Maybe he wanted to exert control because he felt so powerless over the situation with Ai. Or perhaps he wanted a fellow Ai fanatic. Someone who would understand her significance.

Aqua is wrong.

But why did he change his story from stating he wanted Ryosuke to scare Ai (you fucking idiot, Hikaru) to just giving her a bouquet?

I'm a bit stumped here too. This guy is supposedly a master manipulator yet he couldn't keep his story straight?

Perhaps both of these were his motives but I don't know why he didn't say that from the start. I just don't think this is proof that he lied because it's not hard to keep such a basic story straight.

The best explanation I can come up with is that he told Ryosuke the address in a fit of anger and despair. He thought Ryosuke would scare her. He then gave him the bouquet. It was an "I love you/I want you to feel my pain" message for Ai.

OK, but if Aqua was right about Hikaru manipulating Ryosuke, then he knew Ryosuke was an Ai fanatic who could go off the rails in an instant. Especially if he learned that Ryosuke killed Gorou. And anyway, what the hell did he think he was going to do to scare her?

Augh. I'm just going to hope that Nino filled Hikaru in on Gorou's murder after Ryosuke died and therefore he didn't realize that Ryosuke was dangerous. As for what he thought Rysouke would do... I dunno. Give her the bouquet and glower at her? Tell her he knew about her kids?

My man was an idiot but I don't think that makes him a killer in this case. I mean, it would be scary enough for a fan to show up at your door with flowers from your ex.

My last piece of evidence that Hikaru didn't want to hurt Ai is that he was desperate to ensure nobody would surpass her, he wanted to feel her presence, and imo he was trying to preserve her memory.

Offing Ai is the opposite of all those things. He said that he killed Ai out of spite but I don't think that we're meant to take that literally.

Those panels at the top of my post and his obsessive adoration of Ai make it hard for me to believe he would try to harm her. Instead, he blamed himself - rightfully so - for sending Ryosuke to Ai's apartment and that's what he meant by killing her out of spite.

But this goddamn back and forth is why I'm so frustrated with Hikaru's characterization.

Is he a man who loved Ai, inadvertently caused her to die, and then spiraled into madness fueled by grief and guilt? Or is he a man who loved Ai, used Ryosuke to kill her, and then spiraled into madness because he regretted his actions?

Well, aside from all the reasons presented above, the story never explicitly tells us that he tried to kill Ai. Given that Crow Girl walks around spouting monologues about who is doing what and why, and Hikaru never thought about how he tried to murder Ai in his final moments, I've settled on: Hikaru is by no means an innocent man but he never wanted Ai dead.

I rest my case. It was shaky but I did my best.

#oshi no ko spoilers #oshi no ko #hikaru kamiki #ai hoshino #hikaai

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cynthiav06 · 6 months ago

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Ok, sorry if this is personal.

But how many people sent you hate for criticising and disliking Percabeth?

Also, how many of them sent you terrible reasons to defend Percabeth.

It's happened to me too. I'm so concerned for people like that.

Okay, bear with me on this. I might go on a tangent, and this might get long. ( Spoilers: It did get long.)

This fandom was one of the most close-minded fandoms ever and still is to some extent where liking anything outside of popular opinions or canon ships was, is taboo and shunned upon.

But things have gotten better in recent years or so, I think. Because I have been on tumblr officially for just 2 years, and I started posting like a year and a half ago. And you would be surprised to hear me say this, but I think Percy Jackson fandom is still somehow on the low end of the toxicity spectrum compared to the other fandoms I was and am in.

I got a tumblr account first through The Orignals and TVD fandom cause a YouTuber friend urged me to post about my takes on the Klayley ship over here. I mean, I was on here before that cause I was and am in many other book fandoms along with Spn fandom, but the point is I interacted more with tvdu and spn cause usually most other book fandoms at least for the ones I prefer are pretty chill.

Also, if you know anything about the TVDU universe, you would know that people are freaks for Klaroline, a ship I dislike with intensity, and it has a large backing and oh the sheer murderous intensity of those shippers.

Do I even need to say anything about Spn? I mean, tumblr runs on Supernatural fandom, so yeah, the toxicity can go to a whole new level, especially considering the actors are also dragged in it. But I digress, so yeah, Percy Jackson fandom isn't even close.

And since I was used to that and a more intense atmosphere, I found toxic Percabeth shippers extremely mild in comparison. So I might have less of an extreme attitude on their takes. Personally, I have never received a death threat ever in the pjo fandom, but I have been told that it used to be excessively common a good 2-3 years back by fellow mutuals.

So if you have had experiences with any of that, I am very sorry, and hopefully, you realize that some people and certain opinions are so repulsive and brainless that they do not deserve to be considered.

Another thing that's happened that's good is anti tags have become very handy for you know people who want to avoid seeing hate content on things they like. So most Percabeth shippers, the somewhat sensible ones, steer away from anti percabeth tags and given the butchering that Rick is doing to the already butchered ship in his new abomination of a trilogy, Percabeth shippers have learned to pick their battles. But yes, there are still the occasional hate comments, which some you delete, some you ignore because it's always something bullshit.

When I first began posting I was more on the extremely controversial side of the fandom but you know in the recent year the anti percabeth tag has grown, the fandom has finally started letting ships become more diverse and the arguments against the Canon ships have become more and more grounded.

-------------------------------------------------------

Now, to the important part, what is their usual defense?

Well, firstly, no anti Percabeth shipper is really authentic unless they have had to fight the misogynistic allegations. "You hate the ship because you hate Annabeth. You are jealous of her and are a misogynistic person."

Yes, I do hate Annabeth. It's an opinion reached out of personal maturity. Yes I am a woman, and women can definitely be misogynistic, but do I hate Annabeth because of that? God no, I have much better reasons for hating Annabeth. Literally half my blog is highlighting how toxic and controlling she becomes.

I also hate her because she could have obviously been so much more. She has such good backstory, realistic motivations, and a very prevalent flaw to overcome, and the fact that her character just devolved with each book is such a painful thing to read. How no one on their side even addresses that the flaws exist is literally beyond me.

The second most common reason I get is that Rick based Percabeth on his own marriage.

Listen, people, when someone says that they based something off of something, doesn't mean it's the same thing. Parodies are based off of the orignal but are nothing like the orignal.

Plus, the fact that Rick has terrible consistency throughout the books and forgets many plot points would tell you that he has no idea how to develop some of these things.

The idea isn't the one being criticized here. The evolution of that idea is. None of Annabeth's flaws were tackled for more than a single instance of the plot and forgotten immediately after.

Her controlling nature towards Percy, her blaming Percy for getting kidnapped and being brainwashed, her making him apologize for it; her trying to limit his powers, having a great misunderstanding regarding the Akhyls situation and just straight up ordering Percy not to use one of his key abilities even if to defend himself and we getting a follow up on that disastrous situation when Percy no longer defends himself and almost dies against Kympoleia and Polybotes.

I recently got these ones a lot. Either they blame me for not tagging anti when I already have tagged anti and always tag anti first. I think two of these comments are still visible on my "How impressive you have to be to pull Percy post?"

The next one is me being biased, and all my reasons are not valid cause I am biased and hate Annabeth, so neither of my actual canon based evidence is true.

Pick a lane people. Either let us have our opinion or have the guts to argue rationally on this.

Another thing I do is that while I always tag anti, just in case, some Percabeth fan ends up on my post, there's always a section for Percabeth stans which contains my usual queries or concerns regarding whatever recent take I am elaborating and it always starts with my mild suggestion of being calm and rational and then thinking my points over. Usually, it acts as a buffer between hateful or frustration induced rants.

Either way, it's just the integral part of being in a fandom. Stuff like this happens, it's not good, but it happens.

The trick is to have a respectful conversation with those willing to listen and ignore the rest. It will lessen with time, and if you stick to the anti tag, it will help in reducing most of the unnecessary arguments.

I don't know if there's much I can do to help you, but I hope the post is at least somewhat helpful. I always appreciate feedbacks.

#pjo asks #annabeth chase #percy jackson #pjo fandom #percabeth crit #anti percabeth #annabeth chase critical #anti stans #percy jackson and the heroes of olympus

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mncxbe · 2 years ago

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Kintsugi

Part 2 .... Part 1

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂, 𝑲𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒂, 𝑭𝒚𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff♡/ light angst??/ Fedya's redemption arc

// little warning for toxic relationships

°☆○

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂

doesn't understand at first why you're so emotional when he brings you little gifts or asks for your opinion/ consent all the time; but he doesn't ask about it

he only decides to press the matter when he notices you're kinda wary around him, especially after he had a rough day at work and isn't in the best mood

and oh mama

when you tell him your exes would take their anger out on you (doesn't have to be physical abuse, even if they just yelled or so) he is so distraught

he's like name and address please; he wants to go after those guys

but after you reassure him that it's all good now, he promises he'd never harm you in any way

'Why is she acting like this?' he asked himself for the nth time that evening. Arm resting on the side of his couch, his piercing gaze followed your every move; in the background the TV rolled a generic movie, the high pitched voices of the actors going right past him.

You were in the kitchen, occupying your time with meaningless activities: scrubbing the counters, cleaning the dishes, polishing the cutlery, refolding the towels to make sure they weren't getting crumpled.

But why? Why weren't you spending time with him?

Your boyfriend had a terrible day at work and all he wanted was to spend the rest of the day with you. But the second he stepped into your shared apartment and uttered a healf-hearted 'Hello love' you turned your back to him and did everything in your power to avoid him.

At first he thought you were simply busy, but three hours have passed since he returned home and you were still haphazardly moving around the apartment.

"Hey, Y/N. Can we talk for a bit?" he asked eventually.

Akutagawa watched you place the wet sponge on the edge of the sink and make your way to his side, still avoiding eye contact.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes" you said briefly, fixating a spot on the carpet.

Your boyfriend only huffed in response, hooking a finger under your chin to make you look at him.

"Look, Y/N. I'm not sure what's going on but if I upset you in any way please let me know."

The tinge of sadness in his voice caused you to sigh, your eyebrow knitting in frustration.

"No, Ryuu. You didn't do anything wrong. I just noticed you weren't in the best mood and assumed you wanted some time alone, that's all."

Your boyfriend was baffled, at a loss of words. "Why would you just assume that?" he pressed, eyes narrowing.

"I... I guess it's a bad habit I picked up from my past relationships. Sorry, it was silly of me. I should've asked what you wanted me to do." you said with a smile.

But Akutagawa wasn't happy with your answer. He had noticed this recurring behaviour and wanted to know more, so you told him everything: how your last partners would yell at you whenever they had a bad day and how you learned to just mind your own business in moments like that.

"Did they ever hit you?" he eventually asked and you could see the shadow of relief in his eyes when you shook your head.

"No, it wasn't anything bad. Don't worry."

Your boyfriend nodded, his lips curling in a gentle smile. "At least that"

His slender fingers let go of your chin and took your hand in his, pressing his lips to your knuckles; causing a pink hue to rise to your cheeks.

"I hope you know I'd never lash out on you, no matter how shitty my day is. My work and our relationship and two different things and I won't let one influence the other, ok?" he said in a gentle voice, earning a smile from you.

"Thank you love. And sorry for ignoring you all day. You don't even know what it took for me not to hug you"

With that your arms wrapped around his neck and he leaned back, propping himself up against the edge of the couch. You cuddled against his chest, body flush against his as his arms came to rest loosely on your hips. He breathed in and chuckled when he noted the fresh smell of cleaning supplies on your skin.

"Don't worry your pretty head about it. I'm not mad at you. Plus, the kitchen it spotless now so I have nothing to comment."

His remark caused a mirthful laughed to roll off your lips and he smiled again, placing a kiss to the crown of your head. Now, with you by his side, Akutagawa could finally relax.

𝑲𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒂

he's so oblivious omg

doesn't really think your reactions to his kind gestures are out of place; but he does wonder why you're so impressed all the time

he strongly believes that you deserve to be treated like the queen you are so ofc he does just that

at some point he asks you about past relationships; just because he's curious

but when you tell him that your exes were all a bunch of assholes who've never treated you well he's so sad

I see him almost crying because he loves you so much

you're the one who ends up reassuring him that he's a great boyfriend and that you're happy with him djjdjdj

"Love, are you ok?" you asked in a worried tone as you watched your boyfriend lean forward, head resting in the palms of his calloused hands.

Kunikida's mind could not comprehend what you just told him. It all started with a harmless conversation about your past relationships; he was simply curious and wanted to know what they were like. But he certainly didn't expect you to tell him something like this.

At a loss of words, your boyfriend's gaze fixates his shoelaces, counting the number of times they looped in and out of the eyelets.

One...two...three...four...

He just couldn't believe it: how could anyone treat someone like you so harshly? so badly? How could anyone raise their hand at you or deny you things or raise their voice at you? It was beyond comprehension.

Kunikida thought of all the things you went though, all the toxic relationships you had to endure and felt tears pooling at the corner of his eyes; a burning sensation grazing at the back of his throat.

"Love?" you asked again, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Your boyfriend straightened his back and arranged his glasses. "Yes, I'm alright. Sorry for that."

But the slight quiver of his voice didn't escape you, your lips curling in a sad smile.

"Oof Kunikida baby please don't be mad over this. I'm okay now."

Taking off his square-framed glasses you cupped his cheeks, placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Don't bother with those guys. What matters is that you treat me well and make me happy. Never doubt that" you reassured him.

Your boyfriend smiled softly, glossy eyes finally rising to meet yours.

"You sure you're happy, right? I mean if there's anything I'm doing wrong please let me know and-"

"No, no. Shush." you cut him off "You're amazing Kuni. You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for and I'm truly so grateful for you."

Your gentle words got to him this time and he sighed, feeling the knot that formed in his chest slowly untangle.

"I'm glad then, sweetie" he added, kissing you briefly on the lips. "I'll keep giving you my best, I promise. I'm never gonna give up on us."

"Oh I know darling but don't worry" you said sweetly, leaning closer to kiss him again "You're already perfect"

𝑭𝒚𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓

I don't think he's surprised to find out you've been in toxic relationships; he knows how cruel people are at heart

still feels bad you had to go through toxic relationships

insists you tell him everything that bothered you about your exes and damn he realizes that he himself has many of those toxic traits👀

ofc he's not toxic to you but overall? he gaslights, manipulates and lies like it's his second nature so... yea. this discovery kinda hits hard

he does however try his best to be a better man for you, because he knows you deserve the best and he'll give you just that

Cold sweeps of rain poured down the tinted glass windows as you and your partner quietly sipped on a glass of red wine. It was a rare occurance to see Fyodor drink - he considered drinking to be immoral, a mere vice for lowly humans- but he did indulge you from time to time. It helped him let loose and gave him the courage to ask or do things he wouldn't normally do.

"So, myshka" he began, glossy gaze darting from your eyes to your lips "Tell me about that ex of yours. What was his name... Haruki?"

A lighthearted chuckled rolled off your lips. "Yea, Haruki. Well... He wasn't the best really. Looking back I'm not really sure why I stayed with him for so long."

"How comes?"

"Well..." you said sheepishly, thumb sliding along the brim of your glass "At first he was really nice: always bringing me flowers and taking me on dates. But when we grew accustomed to each other he changed quite a lot. He became avoidant. Whenever I'd bring up an issue I had he'd just dismiss it."

You took a short break and exhaled deeply before continuing your story.

"At some point I asked him why he didn't spend as much time with me and why he stopped putting effort in our relationship and he simply said that I was overreacting and it wasn't at all like that. I guess... for a long while I settled for the bare minimun with him. And then for even less."

"He started gaslighting me all the time and I hated it, but I couldn't bring myself to leave because I still cared about him. And I hoped that deep down he was still the same lovely boy I fell for. But I guess it was hopeless..."

Fyodor listened to every word you said, violet eyes fixated on your features. He searched for any sign of hatred or resentment, but no, you talked about your ex so nonchalantly.

"And how do you think this relationship affected you?" he asked eventually

"I guess... I know my worth now. I won't accept that type of behaviour from anyone now. Although I don't think I'll face these problems with you. You're an amazing boyfriend" you said sweetly, a smile rising to your wine stained lips.

Despite your positive attitude, Fyodor's mind was haunted by dark thoughts. It may have been the effect of the alcohol, but for the first time in a long while he reflected upon himself:

He was a first class terrorist who has killed multiple men with his bare hands, who has deceived and manipulated countless of people without feeling any remorse.

And yet... you thought he was a good man; although you were aware of his crimes. The faith you had in him was like a punch to the gut, a reminder that he had to truly be good for you.

"Myshka" he said softly, setting his half empty glass on the floor before gently taking your hand in his, cold fingers holding tightly on your own. "You know I would never dare to do such a thing to you. I love you too much. And I know I'm not a good man for I have sinned more than anyone else, but I will always treat you right because you deserve the best."

"I know love" you chuckled, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I don't doubt you."

Your words swirled around his foggy mind as he smiled gently and leaned in, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead.

"I know" he replied before nuzzling his head in the crook of your neck. "Thanks for that"

"Of course" you said back as wrapped your arms around his lanky frame, feeling him relax in your embrace.

You relished this affectionate moment, the way he just let go and allowed himself to be soft for you and once again, were grateful for your boyfriend's low alcohol tolerance.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #bsd fluff #bsd kunikida #kunikida doppo #kunikida x reader #fyodor bsd #fyodor x reader #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #akutagawa x reader #bungo stray dogs akutagawa #kunikida x you #bsd akutagawa #fyodor x you #akutagawa x you #poor kunikida

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madrone33 · 8 months ago

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I have been CHILLING this week post-Vengeance saga release! I managed to avoid debilitating stress and anxiety from the onslaught of fan stuff by simply avoiding all social media for the first two days, so it's been good!

However, I am now BACK, dumping my immediate reaction of the saga from a week ago. I thought I was ready. I was not ready. 600 Strike blew my mind. I was left staring blankly at my ceiling. Jorge please rest sometime, I'm begging you. The amount of talent beaming through my screen is exhausting even me.

Also, to every cast member and collaborator and behind the scenes person: y'all are amazing. Like seriously. I hope you all get a yummy drink and a cozy blanket and just. Bask in the satisfaction of a job well done. Hats off to y'all fr.

Anyways! I keysmashed the following at around midnight, 14 hours before the livestream ('cause australia is the superior timezone /j). Be warned there's LOTS of swearing 'cause sleep deprivation + incoherent excitement lol

AHHH IT'S GO TIME

Ok it's starting the same as the Goodspeed festival showed. Tho, the first lead in sound thing reminds me of Lucids.

Gorgeous vocals. Hate Calypso, love Wangui fr

"Let me speak!" She really doesn't care about his feelings huh. I noticed in LIP as well, she always makes it about her, which is absolutely in character.

Those ensemble harmonies tho!!

"... You do?" Girl you literally told him to lie smh

"Why in the world won't you love me too?" 'Cause he has a WIFE

IT'S HERMES TIME

FSA melody? YO??

"Cause I had one goal in mind..." the silence where the crew's chorus would come in is PAINFUL

BAG?? HERMES!!

"Hello old friend!" Grinning so hard rn

"Well it's a little bit ✨dangerous✨" AHHH IT'S HAPPENING

Fingertapping and headbopping to this chorus

"Put your whole braiin in it!" I love how he says that sm

"And lastly the wind bag" NEW STUFF

WINIONS

Wow ok I did not expect the wind bag to show up again. Tho it makes sense; this is probs the storm that Ody told Sirenelope kept blocking the way home

ODY SINGING THE CHORUS!!!!

RUTHLESSNESS MENTION

"Hermes! Thank you" AHHH THE CALLBACK! He sounds so tired and like down to his bones grateful this time 🥺

"I'm not the one who fought for you!" MY EYES WIDENED SO FAR. WE ALMOST GOT AN ATHENA NAMEDROP. I'll settle for the reference to her

Okeee. Charybdis!!

Oooh it's just like in the reference vid. No lyrics for this start part!

The 5/4 is amazing. And the electric guitar!!

God this song is SO BADASS

LETS GOOOO ODY!!!

ahhh I KNEW there'd be some sort of soft KYFC esque "I can't wait to make some new memories" type verse AND I WAS RIGHT

he sees ithaca!! Oh god poseidon's gonna show up isn't he

my heart's beating so fast i'm scared

PENELOPEEE

the ELECTRONIC DISTORTION OH NO IT'S HIM

RIGHT INTO GET IN THE WATER AHHH

"Coward" AHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE FINALY HEARING THIS FOR REAL

"That's when our paths collide!" THE RASP

"Now get in the water" Oh shiiiit here we go

the choir is so eerie

"GET IN THE WATER" THE GROWL

"aren't you tired poseidon" ooh it's this part!!

ha he changed it to ten years instead of eight like the demo had XD

"maybe you can learn to forgive" the line from that one snippet!

"No" oop

"DIE" DAMN that deep echo!!

*underwater sounds* oh shit ody's fucking dying

NO! FUCKING POLITES

EURY

ANTICLEA

FUCK YOU JORGE

THE CREW

WAITING??? EXCUSE ME WTF

AHHHHHH WHY TF DOES JAY LOVE HURTING US SO

HUH? HUH??? WHAT WAS THAT! AND THERE'S A FUCKING AD. Probs good, I need the break but WAHT. I KNEW he'd do another fucking polites reference gods damnit jorge WHEN I CATCH YOU

Ok time to hear 600 strike. Holy shit we're here

ELECTRIC GUITAR LETS GOOO

Aeolus theme. IS HE GONNA OPEN THE WIND BAG AGAIN??

600 MEN MOTIF HOLY SHIT

ANIME SCREAM

HOly shit there's magic sounds happening. I'm really curious about whatever Jorge's cooking up for the animatic in the livestream, 'cause I have no clue what's happening rn 👀

"For every comrade!" FSA melody!

"all those _ who were slaughtered by your hand" hmm I can't quite hear what he's saying there?

wait wait wait he's ACTUALLY using the power of his 600 men!!

"You idiot" damn lol

DIFFERENT BEAST ODY HOLY SHIT

is that a blade sound effect?

WAIT DID HE JUST STAB HIM WITH HIS OWN TRIDENT

HOLY SHIT ODY

HOLY FUCK

POP OFF ODY

OMG "MONSTER" AND THEN "RUTHLESSNESS"

BRO HE'S BEGGING??

*trident drops* hot damn ody

"Next to my wife." OHHHHHHH MIC DROP

Holy FUCK that was crazy

I'm gonna listen to it again.

Ok but holy shit Odysseus literally just tortured a god until he gave in?? Daym ody

Tho I like how he tries using open arms first, and then ruthlessness. He's kinda found a balance? I say kinda, 'cause he went hard on the ruthlessness, but since he sincerely tried to ask Poseidon to just drop the whole thing already, his later actions in 600 Strike feel more warranted.

I honestly don't know how Jorge keeps doing it. He just keeps topping himself! Like! Thunder Bringer? And then God Games?? And now Six Hundred Strike??? They just keep getting better! Banger after banger, like!! How.

Wait I just wanna. Sit with it. Imma lie down and stare at the ceiling for a bit, aight?

... I am shooketh.

But BRO THAT WAS INSANE! ODY FUCKED HIM UPPP

AMAZING BRAVO EXTRODINARY INCREDIBLE SHOWSTOPPING GORGEOUS WONDERFUL HOW DARE YOU

#long post #my posts #epic the musical #epic the vengeance saga #immediate reaction #jorge rivera herrans #pay for my therapy

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emotionallychargedtowel · 1 month ago

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public service announcement: toughing out your least favorite thing will not make you neurotypical

Sometimes you see something on social media that is so misguided that it's tempting to just totally go off about it. But that isn't always a great idea. There was a post that went around a while back that kind of put a bee in my bonnet. But instead of getting trapped in reacting to it, I'm going to put my own thoughts out there on their own. I'd rather do the best job I can putting out a message I believe in that get in reactive mode.

The following is based on my training in a psychology doctoral program, my experience as a trainee therapist, my experience as a person with ADHD and autistic traits/possible as-yet-undiagnosed autism who has struggled with PTSD, depression, and anxiety, and my experience as a parent of two decidedly different neurodiverse kids.

why exposure can help...or not

Exposure work involves exposing yourself to a feared stimulus for therapeutic purposes. It's a great tool for a lot of mental health difficulties. For some diagnoses, it's indispensable. It could look a multitude of different ways. For example, if I had a specific phobia of marmots, I could do exposure work by reading about marmots, looking at pictures of marmots, watching videos of marmots, sitting in a room with a marmot, and eventually, touching or holding a marmot. (Notice that these types of exposure gradually get more challenging. More on that in a moment.) The point of exposing myself to marmot stuff is to counteract my tendency to avoid marmot-related things, because phobias are based on avoidance. To use a jargon-y but useful term, it's a major part of their etiology. "Etiology" refers to the root cause/s of a diagnosis—the things that lay the groundwork for a problem to happen or set it in motion. So, avoidance is a crucial part of the etiology of specific phobia. Avoidance can mean avoiding concrete things or activities (e.g. marmots, or going hiking in a marmot habitat), but it can also mean avoiding abstract things like thoughts and emotions (e.g. thinking about marmots).

Look, a marmot! Don't worry, there's no need to fear this little guy.

To put it briefly, if avoidance is an important part of the etiology of a diagnosis, exposure work is likely to be helpful or even indispensable in treating that diagnosis. There are two big categories of diagnosis that respond well to exposure: anxiety disorders (including phobias) and trauma. In the example above, I habitually avoided things that put me in contact with marmots or even made me think about them. The cure for my phobia was doing the opposite of what my phobia told me and engaging in increasingly intense marmot exposure. If I had social anxiety, I'd benefit from gradually exposing myself to social challenges. If I had PTSD, I'd benefit from gradually exposing myself to both concrete reminders of my trauma and memories of the event. Exposure work has so many applications, and it can do wonders. I've witnessed this personally.

But exposure work isn't good for everything. For example, it won't help you with a personality disorder or psychotic symptoms. There are entire major categories of mental health difficulties that don't respond to exposure work. In addition to those mental health diagnoses or symptoms, there's another kind of diagnosis that exposure work does absolutely nothing for: developmental diagnoses. You know, like having an intellectual disability, a learning disability, ADHD, or autism. A corollary of the idea that exposure work helps if the etiology of a diagnosis involves avoidance is that it doesn't help if the etiology of a diagnosis has nothing to do with avoidance.

a learning process

But let's step back for a second and talk a little more about exposure. It makes intuitive sense that exposure helps to counteract avoidance, since they're opposites. But how does it help? Basically, exposure teaches us that we can do something and still be OK. Exposure work is a kind of learning. But human beings can only learn from exposure if the conditions are right.

Remember how in the example, I gradually got exposed to marmot stimuli? First I read about marmots, and I got a chance to observe that I was able to read about them, and think about them in the process, without anything cataclysmic happening. Then I looked at pictures of marmots, and I learned the same thing about my new stimulus—that I can look at marmot photos and doing so won't hurt me. In fact, if things went in a typical way, the distress I felt when I first started reading about marmots or looking at pictures of them would actually lessen or go away rather quickly. People are often shocked by how quickly their distress lessens when they try an exposure task. In my experience, it often takes just a few minutes, even for a stimulus a person has been avoiding for years. This is a very instructive type of experience to have. Finding out that my marmot-related distress was a lot more manageable than I expected would be a really useful learning experience.

flooding: jumping right into the marmot pile

My hypothetical marmot therapy would take quite a while. I'd start by acclimating to some lower-stakes marmot stuff, then some slightly more intense things, and from there I'd continue to move up the ladder rung by rung. Eventually, I'd be able to tolerate being close to and even interacting with marmots directly. But who has that kind of time?

Come to think of it, wouldn't it save a ton of time and effort to just throw me into a pile of live marmots at my first session of phobia therapy? Well, no. Actually, that might well make things worse. Because if my therapist did that, I would become flooded. In other words, my distress would be so intense that my brain wouldn't be working all that well. Human beings don't learn well when they feel like they're in great danger (whether they really are or not). This means that throwing me directly into the marmot pile is unlikely to work, because my brain would shut down and I wouldn't be able to engage in an exposure-based learning process.

Today I learned that Mount Rainier National Park has a tumblr—and it's still being updated. Seems like a good account to follow if you like marmots.

To sum up: exposure work is typically highly effective for diagnoses that have avoidance as an important part of their etiology. It works by allowing a person to learn that they can engage with a feared stimulus (concrete or abstract) and be OK. Since our brains aren't wired to learn new things when we feel like we're seriously under threat, we can't benefit from exposure if we get flooded. Exposure work also won't be effective if my diagnosis wasn't related to avoidance in the first place.

other things that can look like exposure but aren't

There are some other things that somewhat resemble exposure work that can be useful in other areas. A person with borderline personality disorder might work on increasing their distress tolerance as part of DBT therapy, with the goal of being able to hang in there during distressing situations and avoid making decisions they'll regret later. But that doesn't mean that their therapist is putting them into distressing situations in order to help them build that capacity. They may do some kind of low-key simulation as a learning experience—something like holding on to an ice cube for as long as possible. But for the most part, they'll do things like practice skills the client can use the next time a distressing situation arises.

Things like distress tolerance are fundamentally different from sitting with a feared stimulus we've been avoiding. If I worked hard at marmot therapy, I could make my marmot phobia go away completely. I could start volunteering at a marmot sanctuary or something. But while people can build their distress tolerance to an extent, there are always going to be limits to how much it can grow. There will always be something that is beyond a person's capacity to tolerate. It's not possible to practice distress tolerance skills until you become able to tolerate absolutely anything. It's also risky to focus too much on distress tolerance. Other skills can often serve you better by helping you to prevent distressing situations from happening in the first place.

what about those developmental diagnoses?

Now, to circle back to developmental diagnoses. As I said before, exposure work isn't indicated for these. But why not? Well, for one thing, developmental diagnoses need a different kind of treatment (if they need it at all). People with developmental diagnoses often benefit from things like psychotherapy, but therapy for people with these diagnoses isn't focused on making their diagnoses go away, because these diagnoses simply don't do that. Someone can have a diagnosis like PTSD, or social anxiety, or marmot phobia, and then stop having it. But you can't have ADHD and then stop having it. There's no "cure" for being neuroatypical. And that's not a bad thing, because even if it were possible (it isn't), we shouldn't be trying to, like, eradicate these diagnoses. Treating people with disabilities like a problem that shouldn’t exist is basically the definition of ableism.

So the first problem with the idea of using exposure work for developmental diagnoses is that the very idea of treating developmental diagnoses with therapy with the goal of making them go away is 1) ableist and 2) futile. The second problem is what I talked about above: exposure work is only effective if the etiology of your diagnosis is based on avoidance. People don't get ADHD or autism by avoiding things. They may well have anxiety in addition to their developmental diagnosis. In fact, it's quite likely. That could be treated using exposure.

But also, neurodiverse people sometimes have valid aversions to things. For example, a person with autism may have a hard time with certain sensory things, or a person with ADHD may struggle with over- or understimulating environments. This isn't the same thing as the kind of avoidance that fuels anxiety. It's not going to respond to exposure work because while the people in these examples may end up avoiding certain stimuli or situations, the avoidance isn't part of the etiology. It's an effect, not a cause.

sometimes we have to tough it out...or do we?

Sometimes it makes sense for neurodiverse folks to work on a version of distress tolerance. Like it or not, we live in a world that's designed for neurotypical people, one that seldom, if ever, takes our needs into account. Sometimes it makes sense for us to tough things out in order to do things we need to do.

For example, the DMV is a deeply shitty place for me as someone with ADHD. It's overstimulating and understimulating at the same time in a way that makes me intensely uncomfortable. But sometimes I have to go to the DMV to get necessary things done. In order to be able to do such things, it may be useful for me to build my distress tolerance by practicing putting up with situations that bother me. But like the person with BPD, the way to help me expand my capacity isn't to intentionally put me in unpleasant situations. If I avoided the DMV because I had experienced something traumatic at a DMV office, spending time in the DMV could help me. I would be afraid to go in, but if I went inside and spent some time there, my distress would decrease (probably quite quickly) and I would learn that being there was something I could handle. But distress due to over- and understimulation wouldn't work the same way. It would be unlikely to improve on its own, and it would actually probably worsen over time as my capacity to deal with the situation got exhausted. There would be nothing to learn, and even if there was, I'd have little, if any, capacity to learn it.

strategies and modulations

I could improve my DMV experience, though. I could try strategies to modulate my stimulation levels, like bringing along an engaging book to read while I wait (to fight understimulation) or wearing headphones or sunglasses (to fight overstimulation). Or I could plan ahead to go to the DMV at a time when it's less busy, so that it's less overstimulating and so I don't have to spend as much time there. Maybe there are things I can do online instead of going to the DMV in person. If I can use strategies like this to improve my experience, I should.

But wait, you might say. Aren't those things just forms of avoidance? Yeah, they are. But not all avoidance feeds into mental health challenges. Avoidance can be a good thing! I try to avoid a lot of things in my life, such as arguing with my spouse, eating spoiled food, or listening to music I hate. Does that mean I should pick a fight with my partner, chug some curdled milk, and put on a Primus album? Hell no.

As an ADHD-haver, I also try to avoid being understimulated. There are lots of ways that I can do this without any real cost to myself or others. I can put on an audiobook or a podcast while I do the dishes. I can play a game on my phone while I wait for the band to start at a show. I can watch a movie while folding my laundry. There's no particular reason why I shouldn't do any of these things. Tolerating a distressing amount of understimulation doesn't make it easier for me to tolerate it in the future. It just exhausts me and makes me miserable. It even reduces my capacity to do other taxing activities at other points in my day! Maybe there's an extent to which it could help me build my distress tolerance, but this doesn't happen automatically just by exposing myself to understimulation. What would actually help with that is building up an arsenal of coping skills (potentially with the help of a therapist) that I could have at the ready to help me deal with my distress, then practicing using them when distressing situations (including but not limited to understimulation) come up in my life on their own (because they always do sooner or later, without my having to seek them out to prove myself somehow).

Another way of counteracting understimulation is to dig deeper into the stimuli in your environment. Let's say that for some reason I really need to do the dishes in a silent room with no one to talk to, no audiobook, no music, nothing. I can try to become more mindful of my environment. I might notice the smell of the dish soap, how the hot water feels through my gloves, the different sounds the water makes hitting different dishes. In this way, I could bring more stimuli into my awareness and get myself to a more comfortable stimulation level. I could also make a little game out of my task somehow, increasing the interest level of the activity. Afterward, if I was a bit lacking in self-awareness, I might say, "I've gotten so good at tolerating understimulation! I didn't need an audiobook or anything to do the dishes today." If I had bought into certain ableist ideas, this might make me feel better about myself or somehow morally superior to a person with ADHD who did the same task while listening to something. But I wouldn't be a better person than I used to be, or better than someone else. I wouldn't even be more tolerant of understimulation. I just would have changed my stimulation level in a different way.

the grand experiment

Not convinced? Still think you can, and should, simply learn to cope with unmodulated understimulation as a person with ADHD, or cope with distressing sensory stuff as a person with autism, or something of that sort?

Well, there's some data we can look at to back up what I'm saying. At least, data of a sort. I'm sure there are actual educational datasets and studies about this stuff, of course. I’m talking about a less formal, more anecdotal set of data, but it's so broad that most of us have probably come into contact with it.

Here's what I mean. When I was growing up in the 1980s, autism was massively underdiagnosed (not surprising given the diagnostic criteria at the time, which would only catch the most severe cases) and ADHD hadn't been developed as a diagnosis (though we were sometimes told that certain kids were "hyperactive" and for some reason, artificial colors and flavorings were often blamed for making them worse). Accommodations at school were basically nonexistent. There were kids with profound disabilities around, but if they went to a typical school in the first place, they'd be off somewhere far from the rest of us and at most we might glimpse them being herded to lunch once in a while. Kids who had ADHD or level 1 autism were pretty much never identified, hardly ever thought of as having any particular challenges. We were just expected to be like everyone else, to succeed in conditions designed for everyone else. Without thinking about it that way, schools enrolled us in a giant experiment to see if neurodiversity would go away if everyone just ignored it.

And it worked really well! We just buckled down and worked hard, and we became just like the other kids. Sensory stuff stopped bothering us. Understimulation and overstimulation didn't faze us. All that time at school being bored to death and putting up with things that freaked us out finally cured us. We're so lucky that we had this educational experience that allowed us to become neurotypical.

I'm kidding, of course. It was awful. Those of us who grew up neurodiverse before educational accommodations were required in schools, before they even knew what was different about us, had a terrible time. A lot of us became underachievers, social outcasts, or the kind of overachievers who got irreparably burned out before we turned 20. I managed to do all three of those things to some extent at different times in my childhood and adolescence. Teachers yelled at us for spacing out in class. Peers teased us when they caught us stimming. We internalized a lot of really shitty messages about ourselves. We had a terrible time and we thought it was all our own fault.

But eventually, often after decades, some of us got diagnosed as adults. Gradually, we figured out that we weren't 100% to blame for 100% of our difficulties in school. We also found out that there are strategies that help people with our diagnoses. Sometimes it turned out we were already using them and just didn't recognize it. Sometimes these strategies were new to us and really made our lives better, but it was hard not to feel a little bit sad thinking about all the years when we could have made use of them if we'd only known.

But there was only one strategy we could reliably use in school during those years: white-knuckling it through distressing situations (and then occasionally becoming so exhausted that we decompensated or acted out). In other words, we were exposed to the things we hated and wanted to avoid. If exposure work was effective for these sorts of differences, I wouldn't have ADHD anymore. But I do—boy, do I ever. My symptoms were not mitigated in the slightest by any of those experiences. I also have a whole lot of baggage about my self-worth as a bonus. The unintentional experiment was a massive failure.

Thank goodness kids today have at least some hope of getting at least some degree of support. More needs to be done, but we're more or less headed in the right direction. And we have people with lots of training who care about kids with disabilities and helping them succeed. (There are also people whose job it is to help kids with disabilities who aren’t actually doing that, or aren’t doing it effectively, but sometimes you find a good one.) These people work hard to make effective support and accommodations happen for kids. They don't advocate some kind of sink-or-swim exposure method, because they know that doesn't work—and because they aren't sadists.

Neurodiverse adults should essentially be treated the same way. We should have support. We should have accommodations. As adults, we may be able to find support for ourselves and make our own accommodations. As disabled people in an ableist world, it's likely we'll have no other choice but to do those things ourselves. But the need for those things remains. In effect, we have to act as our own interventionists. Whether we treat ourselves the way neuroatypical kids were treated in the 80s or the way present-day kids with real support are treated is up to us. The former won’t get us anywhere good, while the latter could be life-changing.

To sum up: Exposure work doesn't cure or even mitigate developmental diagnoses. Forcing yourself to sit in situations that make you miserable as a neurodiverse person will only make you burned out and miserable and may cause you to internalize shitty messages about yourself. Building distress tolerance can have value, but that doesn't mean we need to seek out things that make us distressed or even uncomfortable. Those things are going to happen anyway. We need coping strategies for those times. We'll get plenty of opportunities to practice them from simply living in the world.

There's nothing wrong with touching grass. But you don't actually have to, and if you do it, you can do it in your own way. If other people, even other neurodiverse tumblr people, are telling you're not doing enough and it makes you feel like crap, they're probably not worth listening to.

#adhd #autism #neurodiversity #neurodivergence #psychology #exposure work #exposure therapy #distress tolerance #avoidance #ableism

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that-basic-simp · 1 year ago

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To Be Loved

Nemesis X Fem!Reader CW: N/A WC: 1.3k+ A/N: I haven't played either Hades or Hades II (working on playing Hades. Don't have a computer that can play Hades II) but Nemesis 👀.

"You've gotten better."

"I had a great teacher."

"Even then, I am still learning myself."

"Is it hard?"

"Hard?"

"Being who you are? Coming from the family you come from?"

"I have no gripes with the family I come from. However, it is family. I don't think any one family is better or worse. We are just as it is."

I nodded my head.

"I can ask you the same question," she said.

"I can have the same response."

"You do take on after me."

"I've been with you ever since we were young."

"That you have. It doesn't help that our parents are good friends."

"I think that's the reason we're so close. Like sisters."

"Have you ever been in love, Y/N?"

"What makes you ask that?" I asked, wiping some sweat from my forehead.

"I see it everywhere."

"Are you sure it's not just Aphrodite?" I chuckled.

"I see her everywhere. But no, I see it with your parents, the other Gods and Goddesses pursue one another, mortals, nymphs, all of it. Anyone who can live, breathe, and walks on two legs. Don't get me started with Zeus and Poseidon."

"Those two are far from bachelors. I don't understand why they act like they are. They've both taken on numerous Goddess wives. But aside from seeing it everywhere, what makes you ask that question?"

"With who I am, Y/N, with what I do, do you think someone could love me?"

"Look at what Odysseus has done. He killed an infant, blinded Polyphemus, and was the reason so many men have died. He is not a man, but a monster with the skin of a man. Not only that, but he did things with some of the Goddesses along the way back to Ithaca. Should I call Circe?" I chuckled. "But my point is, he was still loved in the end. Even if you are the incarnate of vengeance, I still believe one is to be loved."

Nemesis smiled for the first time since we started sparring. In fact, it was the first time she smiled since we were children. It's always a rare and fleeting moment when she actually smiles like she did a few moments ago.

"What you think, how you're able to think, I admire it. I wish I can think like you."

"It takes time, Nem," I said.

"Oh my gosh, you're using that nickname?" she gawked at me.

"What? Does it give you bad memories?"

"No. It's just that, you've never really said it since we grew up."

I smiled at her, "I thought it was a fun nickname for you. I thought I was being clever."

"Not clever enough," she said, taking a step forward, causing me to step backwards and trip over a rock.

I lost my footing and landed on my back, my sword flying from my hands. Nemesis stepped towards me and outstretched her hand. I grabbed it and smirked, pulling her down to my level. She fell towards me and placed one knee on the ground, her one hand falling beside my head while she dug the tip of her sword into the dirt below us. I smiled at her, admiring her features. Her yellow like eyes, purple painted lips, and raven like hair. It made my heart race for her, yearn for her. I've wanted to be with her ever since we were teens, but I did not pursue her in fear of Nyx.

"Are you ok?" Nemesis asked.

"Yeah," I said.

She stood up and helped me to my feet.

"I'm going to wash up. You should join me," I said, about to take her hand, but I pulled it away, brushing the tips of my fingers against hers.

"I'll join. It's been a while since I removed all of this," she gestured to her armor.

As we made our way to the hot springs, I couldn't help but notice my heart rate was racing, my face felt warm and my stomach was doing flips. All of this was nothing new, but it's been almost five years since I felt like this. Were my feelings for Nemesis starting to resurface? I tried to push them down for so long to avoid getting let down or even disappointed. Or worse, suffer a fate worse than death from Nyx. Or maybe these feelings I harbored towards her never left in the first place and only grew and grew, only for them to silence when I was away from her for so long. Now that I was with her once more, they are singing the siren's song.

After both of us were void of all clothing, I slipped into the welcoming waters and relaxed against the edge. My eyes were closed since Nemesis hadn't gotten in yet. The parting of the water signaled she had stepped in and her sigh of relief was another give away.

"Not too hot, not too cold, just right."

"How long has it been since you last went without your armor?"

"I don't know, but it feels, well...I-I don't know."

"Comforting? Relaxing?"

"Almost complacent, but I know nothing about complacency."

"Neither of us will know what complacency is, but I feel like the word you're searching for is relaxed," I opened my eyes. My eyes slowly widened as I found the most magnificent sight.

Of course Nemesis alone was a magnificent sight, but her long hair was down and some strands were even covering her face.

"G-Going back to your question," I said.

"About?"

"Being loved."

"You really think someone like me could be loved."

"I don't think so," I slowly made my way towards her. "I know so."

"How? Have you been with my sisters recently? Have you asked them to look into my future?"

"No," I said.

"Have you spoken to those around The Underworld? There's not really many people down here aside from souls and the occasional visit from other Gods and Goddesses. It's just...us," her voice trailed off.

"I was too afraid to say anything, Nem."

Under the water, she wrapped her arm around my waist and pulled me close. I reached up and pressed my hand to her collarbone. Her other hand ran against my cheek, the back of her fingers touching my skin with the most sincerity and gentleness I have ever felt from her. She turned her hand and placed it against my cheek, the rough pad of her thumb caressed my soft skin. Her head tilted from side to side, as if she was admiring me, taking in my features once more. The less calloused and scarred skin. The softness she once possessed before being a fighter, before being who she is now. But even with her hair down, her touch against mine, she was still the same Nemesis I grew up with.

My hand that was resting on her collarbone slowly snaked up to her cheek. I caressed the only soft skin that was on her with my thumb. Both of us found one another's eyes, found the bond we had kindled to overtime and cared for it. Our friendship was like no other. The other Gods and Goddesses could always remember a time where if they saw either one of us, the other wasn't too far behind. We were never apart until we had to be.

"It's just us," I whispered.

"Just us. How I like it," she said.

I leaned towards her and pressed my lips against hers. They were soft, warm, and intoxicating. Her hand that was on my cheek was removed and it wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to her. My other hand that was in the water came up and cupped her other cheek. It didn't take long for my hands to snake around her neck and dig into her long locks. They were a bit oily, but they were smooth like silk. Our breathing became synced up as Nemesis got a bit faster with her kisses. Once everything was said and done, she pressed her forehead against mine, taking in deep breaths.

"I love you, Nem."

"I love you, Y/N," she pecked my lips.

#nemesis #hades ii #hades 2 #nemesis x reader

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pastafossa · 1 year ago

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hiya! i’m asking both you and @bellaxgiornata this question (because you’re my favorite daredevil writers). as someone who was very sunburnt today, july 4th, do you think matt can feel himself get a sunburn? and would he wear sunscreen to counteract it? when we were young, my sister had bad sensory issues and wouldn’t wear sunscreen. so i’m just wondering what matt’s reaction to all that would be. hope you had a great 4th of july!!

I have no idea if @bellaxgiornata this but I'm not going to check because I want to see how our answers stack up if she does!

FIRST... ok wait, first, THANK YOU! 😭 But also I feel that as someone who basically bursts into flame in the sun like a vampire. And while I'd vaguely thought about Matt and his poor pale Irish skin, I hadn't considered it until now so this is a fun What If? Q: Do you think Matt can feel himself getting sunburned?

A: I say yes, based on what happens when you get sunburned. From what I understand, when you start getting burned and those little cells start dying, your body immediately begins damage control: blood vessels dilate to bring in blood and immune cells move in to clean up all the dead and mutated cells. This is why you heat up, the skin is red, you get a nasty case of swelling and inflammation. All of this, in theory, is something Matt can sense even in himself - he'd feel the initial shift in blood, that extra heat, likely before the inflammation and swelling really started. On top of that, burns sting, and with the way his sense of touch is heightened, I'm guessing he'd be able to really, really feel the beginnings of a burn before it got serious. Which would likely happen fairly quickly considering how pale our boy is. Upside is he'd turn out to be an excellent Burn Detector for anyone he's out with. No one's getting burned when he's on watch. But that leads to:

Q: Would he wear sunscreen?

A: This is an interesting one, because like you said, there's a sensory thing. Yeah, plenty of us have fond memories of the scent of sunscreen (cause hey, it means beaches, sunshine, pools, lots of fun things), but some very much do not like it whether it's due to texture or smell. With Matt's sense of smell, I'd go with the scent being less than pleasant, and he wouldn't be fond of that sorta sticky feeling you get from the heavier stuff. I can see him absolutely trying to avoid scenarios where he'd have to wear it, whether that means wearing certain clothes or just kinda dodging events and activities where he might have to deal with it (a public pool would likely be unpleasant in multiple ways anyway, not just in terms of sunscreen) and while he probably enjoys walking through the park or tree-lined streets in the Kitchen, enjoys those patches and moments in the sun, he's not looking to go out in summer and lay there in the grass under sunshine for an extended period of time. Fall's a bit easier (he can enjoy more sunshine without risk of burning since UV radiation is lower) at least, so that's a time he'd be more comfortable spending time out like that.

If a friend or partner really, really wanted him to do Something Summery And Sunny, though, he'd absolutely choose to prioritize their happiness over his comfort (we all know how he is). He'd grimace and stinky cat face and apply the sunscreen - the type for sensitive skin, helping at least a little - because the only thing he'd hate more than the scent/texture of sunscreen is the texture of burns being rubbed constantly for hours beneath the Daredevil suit, cause holy shit would that hurt. Healing meditation is great, but I have a feeling he burns hard and fast, so even his body would struggle to heal sunburn quickly. He learned that the hard way after his first annual Nelson Clan Summer Barbecue at a local park.

But if at all possible, he's going to avoid too much sun, skip the sunscreen, and head inside the second he feels those blood vessels dilate. He's more of a night guy, anyway.

#matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock headcanons

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folded-boats · 6 months ago

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oooh you said Superpower Story has 30k words? wanna tell us a bit about that?

Ok I know my tags were kind of a leading remark soooo yes absolutely :D

Honestly the premise is just your run-of-the-mill superhero high school setting. A bunch of teens taking classes, learning how to control their powers, working toward becoming government agents or something (that part isn't super fleshed out yet, don't worry about it).

Where the fun comes in is the powers. I tried to make them unique, which is a really tough task given how saturated this genre is so idk if I succeeded, but I'm happy with them. In this universe, powers tend to have sizeable drawbacks, or a catch or trick to them that makes them inconvenient or even debilitating. Sometimes the drawbacks outweigh the power itself, especially if the power isn't that strong, so those kids have to work with specialized teachers to train up the power and minimize the drawback as best they can.

Enter our main cast! From left to right: Slips, Snappy, Chroma, and Lucky.

At this school, everyone gets a nickname. This is so I can avoid giving the characters actual names. The drawings were done by @insomnimelodies who brought all these characters to life so beautifully when I didn't know the first thing about what any of them looked like cause I literally never describe appearances in the story and now I have sketches and I love these goobers so much and I love my talented friends!!!!!!! Ahem. Anyways.

Lucky can control their luck. They can't control the outcome – the luck does what's best for them, not what they want. They also aren't that much luckier than the average person. They can only control when they spend their luck and how much. This allows them to be very successful at small things such as exams or board/video games or instruments without much effort. However, used this way, the power is almost laughably weak compared to their peers. If they want to do anything noteworthy, they have to save up their luck for weeks at a time... which makes them really unlucky in the meantime.

Snappy can enter a person's head at the snap of a finger. Once he's there, he sees an immersive, deeply convoluted mindscape that he can manipulate as he pleases. Time also doesn't pass while he does this – viewed from the outside, the result is instant. In theory, he can completely change a person's knowledge, beliefs, personality, or sense of self in an instant. However, he can only do this once per person. As a result, there is zero room for error. The mindscape is also difficult to interpret, and it takes a lot of data (aka going into many different minds) to figure out patterns and learn to interpret things properly. Going into a person's head unprepared and changing things without knowing what he's doing can have disastrous consequences... Tragic backstory ensues. :(

Chroma sees emotions as colors. Theirs is one of the more potent empath powers around, sometimes to their own detriment. Strong emotions linger in the air around them for years, meaning that in emotionally fraught locations they can't see anything at all. They also don't automatically know what the colors mean, and have spent years deducing the meanings through experience. There's a lot of colors and emotions to keep track of, so some the more complex associations still elude them. Overall, their power is more manageable than many others, so they don't have to take the same remedial classes as the rest of the main cast.

Slips is a clairvoyant. She holds the only known future-seeing power with 100% accuracy, which wins her the (very much unwanted) attention of the school's Evaluators, a group of mysterious and sometimes ruthless overseers who evaluate each student's progress... and their future usefulness to the government. The catch: Slips's predictions are very difficult to control, and to achieve them, she has to surrender her own memories and knowledge. The relevance of the memory or knowledge to the desired prediction, the work put into gaining the knowledge/memory, and its personal importance all play a role in what the prediction is going to be. Getting it right is extremely difficult and might take many tries... if it works at all. As a result, Slips's memory is basically Swiss cheese, and she very much lives in the moment, as much by necessity as by choice.

Together, these four form a tight friend group, and they will eventually become a team of government agents (who are always in teams of 4, shout-out RWBY). Their skills make them poorly suited for combat but very well suited for avoiding combat – covert missions, spying, negotiating, etc. This is when they will start to discover (surprise surprise!) that the government is more nefarious than it seems.

Here's another rendition of them by @insomnimelodies! AAaaAAaAaaAaaaa

I've rambled enough but if anyone wants to hear more, there's a solid supporting cast with equally complicated powers, plus some fun intrigue both written and unwritten. :)

#my writing #... just realized I got so into explaining their powers I didn't even explain their personalities lmao

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 2 years ago

Note

i have autism and adhd, and have recently been going through what i assume is burnout. i attribute it to work, i work 9-6 five days a week, and it's honestly become exhausting having to constantly mask and present normal.

i'm mainly worried because i haven't had a new special interest in a while. my old ones, present for years, seem almost muted. i haven't had anything to hyperfixate over in such a long time, and the newest special interest i had (sharks) has felt faint almost the entire time. it's awful because i miss the love i felt for these special interests, they were so integral to me and as a result i feel like my sense of self is weaker.

is this normal? and do you have any tips on recovering from autistic burnout? thank you!!

Hi there,

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through burnout. There’s a Recovery Plan that one of my favorite websites, Neurodivergent Insights, posted. Here are some Infographs. As well as some templates on how to build a recovery plan:

The link to this article will be below. I hope you find it helpful.

There’s also another article from Psych Central that gives some tips on Recovery:

How can you recover from autistic burnout?

Autistic burnout may feel confusing and overwhelming, but recovery is possible.

1. Remove obligations

It’s time to get a little ruthless with your schedule and commitments. If something isn’t 100% necessary, take it off your calendar for the near future.

Your new goal is to try to find as much downtime as you can, with fewer extracurriculars, work projects, and social events.

2. Participate in soothing activities

The idea is to participate in more hobbies that you enjoy, or those that promote a sense of relaxation — the things you might normally brush aside in your busy schedule.

You may find it recharging to:

spend time in nature

practice a calming visualization

exercise

draw

listen to music

journal

stretch

sit in silence with someone you love

Sensory interventions

“These can include compression, sitting in a dark closet specially outfitted for sensory bliss (pillows, quiet, dark), favorite smells, or textures,” Bédard says.

Noise-canceling headphones may also help you feel more grounded.

3. If you can’t sleep, rest

Autism can sometimes make sleep a challenge. Even if you’re not feeling tired, try to spend at least 8 hours a night in bed.

During this time, try to avoid watching the news or scrolling on social media. Instead, curl up with one of your favorite books or movies.

4. Practice self-compassion

“Try to be as gentle with yourself as possible,” O’Conner says. “If there are some things you can’t do, or have to say ‘no’ to right now, that’s OK.”

This article will also be below if you’d like to read through it.

Since you like sharks, I’ll also leave an article talking about ten facts about them. :)

I hope this helps you. I’m unemployed, so I don’t have the experience of working or the workplace in general.

Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open #send anon some cool facts about sharks if you can/want :)

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therearenobargains · 2 months ago

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An Exposition on Grief and Memory

CW: Rambling, introspection, a stupid amount of metaphors

I remember.

There's so much weight to that.

What do I remember? The summer sun, the way ice cream melted on my hands, the way the sand burned my feet? Or is it the feeling of tears drying, the sound of doors slamming, the ache of being forgotten?

Memory is a burden and I am Sisyphus, crushed under the weight of it again and again and again, never quite learning how to move forward without putting myself in the path of destruction.

Over time I learned to stop indulging in memory altogether, to let it slip through my fingers like fine grains of sand. You can't be hurt by a boulder that you never allow to form. All of that sand became the ground upon which I walked, defining and redefining each step I took as it shifted and moved, constantly burying the echoes of myself that I left behind. And what was worse then, to forget or to be forgotten? Was drowning myself in the shifting sand better than being crushed beneath the boulder? By trying to force myself to leave all of it behind I was trying to force myself to redefine my entire being. I couldn't go back to the place where I was being crushed, but I couldn't allow myself to keep being wiped away either.

Memory hurts but its core to who I am, to who I want to become. To forget it, to forget everything I went through, everything I saw, would be to forget myself willfully.

I remember the ache of being left, the ache of leaving. I remember being hurt and being the one causing pain. I remember the sorrow, the rage, the emptiness, the small, seemingly indefinable moments that eventually coalesced together to make me.

I remember the mistakes I made that still haunt me to this day, the things I lost in the process. So many moments of shame and grief added to the sand I was already struggling to stand on and eventually I had to fall.

I was forced to confront myself, the things I was pushing away and trying to force myself to recover from.

For a very long time I wasn't really anyone. I was whatever fit around me best, like sand shifting to fill in the footprints that others left behind. And for a while I was content to exist like that, because it meant I didn't have to acknowledge the parts of my memory that I had grieved over before.

All things must come to an end though, and eventually, so did this period of avoidance. It was like, all at once, I understood that I needed to feel in order to grow.

Grief is such an odd thing though. It hits out of nowhere, dragging with it old memories that weigh heavily on my being. But once its been acknowledged, felt, held tenderly and cried over, its as if that huge, impossible boulder begins to break down just a little. And over time that boulder turns into pebbles, washed smooth by tears and rough hands holding them to remember what it was like when it felt too big to handle.

I'm still in this odd place of balancing the act of gently indulging my grief and memories and protecting myself from being lost underneath it all, but it's worth it. I'm no longer struggling with the weight of a boulder or the instability of sand beneath my feet. Those pebbles are my new constant, but they're something I can handle with confidence and security in the person I want to be- and I know that someday I'll be able to look back on the entire journey and acknowledge that I did a good job. I carried on, survived, thrived, grew.

It's a promise I'll always uphold myself to - to do better from then on. To live and to feel and to exist however I need to, and to be unashamed in doing so. It's ok to remember and to grieve, but I'll never again let it strip me of myself- I deserve at least that much care.

Like my writing? Feel free to keep an eye on my blog then :) I hope to plan more rambly, emotional bits.

-L

#writing #emotions #deep thoughts #rambles

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chaotic-and-mentally-ill · 1 year ago

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So, Ducktales x Cult of the Lamb, am I right?

Ok it's not actually a Ducktales x Cult of the Lamb au, it's more of a weird Mickey and friends Cult of the Lamb au, but it mostly focuses on the duck triplets.

(Huey, Dewey, and Louie)

I, sadly, don't have a whole lot of art for this au yet mostly cause i'm still figuring out how to draw all the characters, so bare with me cause this is gonna be a long text post until I have art I can/am willing to share.

TLDR;

Cult of the Lamb au but make it Ducktales/Mickey and friends because i've been watching Ducktales and recently got back into Cult of the Lamb again. I'll mostly be focusing on Louie for this au sense I have the best grasp on his character as of right now, but others will show up.

Sense Louie is the main focus, Louie with be the one taking on the role of The Lamb for this au, meaning he will bare the crown.

(But that doesn't mean I haven't thought about the "what if" of if Huey or Dewey got it instead.)

Cult of the Duck

So, before I really get to this I need to explain one very important detail:

All the ducks? Yea, they're dead. All expect Louie of course. (or one of the other triplets but we'll get to that later). This, of course, means Donald, Della, Scrooge, his brothers, and frankly and other duck within the series are, well, gone.

Like the lamb, Louie as the last of his kind. There are no other ducks. He has no one to protect him, and no one to protect. He is completely and utterly alone.

So when he's sent to be sacrificed in order to prevent the "prophecy", there was not much he could do. Sure, it was absolutely terrifying! No one wants to be sacrificed, and he was damn well sure that "prophecy" was bogus!

"Come closer, little duckling, for I still need you. I will grant you back your life, in return, I ask for a cult in my name. Do we have a deal?"

But as he looked up to the Bishops, gods amongst the people, those who always knew what was right, those who should not be questioned, as all he could do was bow his head and squeeze his eyes tight, hearing his heart beat agents his ribs as he prayed.

But when no pain had arrived, curiosity got the best of him as he opened his eyes and looked up. It was so bright.

Something beckoned him forward, and he followed. A voice gently assured to him as he made his way forward.

And with new found life, Louie escapes with the help of one of Oswald's children, a previous vessel to The One Who Waits.

And the story continues as per usual from there with one of Oswald's kids taking the place of Ratau (at least until I think of someone better). The first follower to be saved by Louie would be Max, who after this point is pretty darn loyal.

Louie, at first, is pretty upset about having to work and build the cult in the first place. He wasn't used to doing so much hard work, nor did he enjoy it very much. But, it was better then basically every thing else he'd been through, so he'd learn to tolerate it.

After some time of going on crusades (which, frankly, he hates more), he'd get a pretty good flow going between growing the cult and relaxation. He'd upgrade quickly, recruit (or as he'd call it; "Sweet talk") people, and find ways to make it so everyone could care for themselves so he'd have more time to relax.

Occasionally he'd go on crusades, but only if he absolutely needed to. (Food, supplies, gold, stuff like that.) He'd avoid the Bishops as long as he physically could, only caving when he didn't have a choice but to face them.

Sure, it be a heavy learning curve at first (learning to be selfless and what not for the sake of the cult), but eventually he'd be a pretty decent leader. His favorite days are when the whole cult (also known as his "community") would take one big break and not work at all, but he also enjoyed the days where everyone would hand him gold and/or do all the work for him. Because man does he hate having to do hard work. And yes, he's still the greedy, money loving guy we all know and love.

He'd often have Max be the one looking over the "community" when ever he leaves. Max would also probably be the tax collector and such considering he was the first follower and is the most loyal. Him and Max are close.

I can also see Louie marring many people, for tax purposes of course.

But what about the other 2? What would happen if they were given the crown instead?

Well, the sacrifice process may as well go the same. Oswald kid still takes Ratau place, Max still being the first follower and being loyal beyond belief, but that's likely where the similarities would end.

Dewey, being the prideful and adventures guy he is, would absolutely LOVE crusades. Sure, he'd love his cult and would enjoy being around them, but he would be nowhere NEAR where Louie would be in growth in the same time frame. He'd spend far to much time doing crusades and fighting monsters or even the bishops. Tbh I can see him taking out the most amount of bishops in the shortest amount of time out of all his brothers (with Louie taking the longest).

He'd probably come back to a hungry, angry followers because he'd be gone so long thanks to his crusades, which would inevitably lead to a LOT of damage control after. Would he ever learn? Probably not.

That's basically all I got for now, still a lot of stuff to work through and think about, but it's a neat idea that's been plaguing my mind for the past few days.

Huey on the other hand would spend an equal amount of time on crusades and with his cult. He'd most likely have everything under control from the get go. Plus, he now has a healthy way of letting out "The Duke of Messes" via crusades. Occasionally he'd have to preform damage control, especially with any new stubborn followers, but for the most part everyone is happy and capable of functioning orderly with or without him (mostly due to his schedules). Let's be honest, he's just glad people are finally listening to him.

His cult would probably embrace nature to it's finest, tents and all. It would probably be more put together and more advance then Dewey in most regards, but not nearly as advanced as Louie.

In other words: Louie is basically running a really weird town, Huey is running a camp, and Dewey is uh- doing his best.

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auriel187 · 2 years ago

Text

The More Things Change. (S1 E9)

Word Count: 3479

Series Masterlist

A/N: If anyone doesn't like the fact that the oc is black, go away.

"We provide the colonists with all their finished manufactured goods. We deserve remuneration." Minkus says clearly.

"General Washington." Mr. Feeny turned over to Cory who was wearing a powdered wig.

"Fine. Keep your goods. Like we need your stinking British goods. We're American. We're independent. We'll get our goods from Japan." Cory raised his fist. I worry for him sometimes.

The class all laughed. I was drawing. I had drawn my friends in so many different ways. Shawn as an artist, Cory as a filmmaker. Shawn as a superhero, Cory as a mad scientist. Shawn as a photographer, Cory as a teacher. It was starting to garner some attention though, Cory kept trying to look over at my drawings. I had just started my sketch of Cory as a General. Shawn's gonna be a Sargent, I felt right in my bones.

"General, I'm dying for you to elaborate." Mr. Feeny deadpanned.

"What's the point, Mr. Feeny? We all know we kicked British butt." Cory threw his fist in the air.

"Winners and losers aside, General. If we do not understand history we are doomed to repeat its mistakes." Mr. Feeny explained. I often wonder how often things repeat themselves. Over the years, history seems like it was taking a step forward just to backtrack in a horrendous way.

"Oh, who cares about George Washington? Who cares about King George? Was every boring guy in history named George?" Cory exclaimed exasperatedly, before realizing what he said. "I meant every dead boring guy." He amended.

"Apparently, the past holds no fascination for you." Mr. Feeny stated, looking up at the boy.

"No. It's happened. It's done." I shifted in my seat. I understood both of their points of view but I didn't think anyone was thinking of the elephant in the room.

"It's history." Mr. Feeny said and I slowly lowered my head. Shawn kept looking over at me, either out of concern or curiosity.

"I'm saying. Perhaps we should study your history, Mr. Matthews." Our teacher said, looking at Cory expectantly.

"I have no history, Mr. Feeny. I'm eleven. I'm more interested in my future." Cory reasoned and I lowered my head even lower and continued sketching.

"Oh, well, then it might be more interesting for us to look into our futures to see if we can avoid our mistakes before they happen." Mr. Feeny explained as he stood up, then the classroom fell silent. I peered up slightly to see something that rarely ever happened. Shawn had his hand up. "Yes, Mr. Hunter?"

"Isn't that what we're doing anyways? Sunshine says that the things we learn in History are written by the people who want to control the world's precipitation." The blue eyed boy said calmly, causing everyone to look at him in shock. I didn't look at him like that though. I was just proud that he listened and understood what I had said while talking to Brianna.

"See! History is bogus! We're already working off of a faulty recipe, why not let us figure it out on our own?" Cory looked at our teacher. Mr. Feeny just smiled at Cory. Oh dear.

"Oh no, I smell an assignment." Shawn shrank in his seat.

"I swear, I didn't see it coming." Cory whined as he took his seat.

"The assignment for all of you is to create personal histories for yourselves as if you were returning for your 20th high school reunion." Mr. Feeny explained to the class and I looked at my drawings. I had no clue what I wanted to be.

"More like a preunion." Minkus said.

"Well said, Mr. Minkus." Mr. Feeny agreed. "You are the graduating class of the year 2000. What is your profession? Do you have children? Are those children tormenting their sixth-grade teacher?"

"Mr. Feeny, would it be oK if I brought my wife?" Minkus asked.

"Oh, come on, Minkus, what's going to marry you?" Shawn huffed out.

"Raven-Anniya!" Minkus sat up straighter. The class 'oohed'.

"No." I looked up from my drawing for a second.

"Oh please, you're smart enough to know I'm your only compatibility." Minkus tried to reason. Coercive of him but okay.

"Part of marriage has to be communication, consent and connectivity." I looked over at him with my 'logical face.' I've come to find that Minkus responds best to my logical face. "I've communicated my disinterest. I gave no consent and to be honest the only thing we got to connect is our above average intellect." I looked back at my sketchbook.

"You tell him, babe." Shawn ruffled my hair proudly.

"Then I'll bring my second wife." Minkus stated like it was simple.

"Cause the first wife worked out so well. What's marrying you this time?" Shawn asked, tossing a ball in the air.

"Topanga." Minkus bragged.

The class oohed again. She turned to him "Why, Stuart, I'm flattered that you would consider me as a potential life mate, but I'm not sure I even recognize the institution of marriage."

"Trust me, babe, I've seen the future... and it's me." Oh dear god!

"You're going to have HR on speed dial and a really good defence lawyer for each and every one of your misconduct allegations." I quipped, not looking up from my drawing.

+=+=+=+=+

I was still trying to think of what I wanted to be for the pre union. I kept drawing blanks, Shawn kept tossing things up but nothing really felt right. "Why not? You're already the smartest person I know."

"Puppy, I can't be a teacher! I can barely talk in school enough as it is." I shot it down.

"You can talk when you're passionate about something." He started playing with my hair.

"No I don't. I'm passionate about a lot of things, I just don't think most things out loud. When I do talk to the class, I just pretend I'm only talking to you and Cory.

"You pretend you're talking to me when you rip on Minkus and Topanga?" He spoke in disbelief. He was right.

"No...but I only say what no one else would say to them." Shawn moved to sit behind me as he tied up my hair. He had been working on doing twists in my hair. I'm not really sure why but he seemed really interested in styling my hair.

"I can't believe you." Cory took his seat, staring at Shawn and shaking his head. Larry took the seat next to him as he started eating his food.

"...What?"

"First you tell me you're going to show up as a tire salesman, and now you're braiding Raven-Anniya's hair?"

"That's what my dad does. And Sunshine's got great hair."

"So?" Cory looked at him like Shawn lost his mind.

"I know what to wear. I know how to use a pressure gauge. I can spot a retread from a mile away." Shawn turned my head to the side so he could do a crown hairstyle with the twists.

"Shawn, you're so boring." Cory shook his head in disappointment.

"And lazy." Shawn said proudly, starting to colour in the sketches I made earlier.

"How about you, Larry?" Cory asked the smaller boy seated across from me.

"I got an angle." He said ominously.

"Let's hear it." Cory encouraged, waving his hand.

"I'm going to be a sixth-grade teacher. Better yet, I'm going to be Feeny." Larry boasted. I rolled my eyes. He's not going to do well.

"Why?" Shawn asked.

"Imitation is the sincerest form of butt-kissing." Larry reasoned, and I must admit, he's not wrong.

"Wait a minute. Weren't we supposed to be what we wanted to be? I mean, you're going to grow up to be your dad... and you're going to grow up to be a Feeny clone. Am I the only one left here with some vision? Raven's probably just going to grow up to..." I knew where Cory was going with it. I was just glad he caught himself before he actually said it. Shawn quickly punched Cory in the arm.

"What are you going to go as?"

"Cory Matthews... center fielder for the Philadelphia Phillies." I had to admit, that was probably the most hysterical thing I've ever heard in my life. Both Larry and Shawn seemed to agree, erupting in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. "What are you laughing at?"

"You had 31 errors in Little League last season." Shawn explained, gasping for air.

"OK, so I didn't play up to my enormous potential. Come on, guys, let's be what we really want to be. Are we going to be men... or are we going to be men with boring jobs?"

"We're going to be men!" Larry exclaimed, and the boys started barking. Why were they barking? Suddenly Shawn went wide eyed and looked over at me.

"Sunshine, you can be Nina Simone!" The amount of things that shocked me with that statement was unbelievable.

"You know who Nina Simone is?" Shawn nodded quickly.

"She sings Black Bird! You could be her!" How did I forget Shawn's love for finding songs about black birds?

"I'm not following."

"You could be a famous person who calls attention to serious issues!" He looked at me with the biggest goofy grin on his face. He reached into his bag pulling out my superhero picture. "You could be a real life superhero, Sunshine."

+=+=+=+=+

Shawn and I played sandman in the park before he walked me home. I enjoyed the moments where we were just together and we didn't have to say anything, but the times we laugh and joke are my favourite. "So what are you doing for the Pre-Union?" I asked as Shawn carried me on his back. I kept tapping his shoulder so he'd avoid large cracks.

"I really don't know." He swung the door open, toeing off his shoes. I hopped off his back and put down our bags on the floor as I removed my shoes. "I was thinking of coming as a tire salesman."

We walked to the table and I gave him a plate of cookies. "I thought you said you were going to do something else." I started looking through old pictures until I saw one of my parents.

"Sunshine, are you..." He pulled my hand to see the picture. His eyes softened as he pulled me in for a hug. I'm pretty sure I was experiencing a breakdown because suddenly we were on the floor and Shawn's shirt was soaked from my tears. "I'm sorry, Raven." I don't know how long we stayed like this but he started to pull me back in my seat. "Here." He passed me a picture from a few years ago. I was smiling and dressed in my dance costume and my hair was in a low ponytail. This was before I put on the makeup.

"Thanks Shawnie." I smiled. He smiled back at me. "So...a tire salesman?"

"I think so, yeah." He shrugged. "I can see that in my future. Easy job, nice house...gorgeous wife." He lowered his head a bit when he said the last one. I started chuckling, planning on teasing him a bit.

"Who's gonna marry you?" I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms.

"I don't know...I was thinking someone short, smart, witty, talented, know-it-all, bookish..."

"You know you just described Minkus right?" I started rocking on my chair.

"As I was saying, someone who makes me smile, who makes me feel like I'm more than just trailer trash..." the last one kinda made me sad. "Someone who tries to get me to do my homework with cake and who has the most amazing hair even though she doesn't let me see it in its natural state advocist artist." He finished and I laughed.

"The word is 'activist', Puppy, and I'd rather marry a garden gnome." I poked him in the forehead.

"You'd choose to marry Minkus over me?" He poked my forehead.

"No!" I cringed and began pushing my chair away. A devious smirk spread across his face.

"You said that the only way you could talk to people is if you imagine that you're talking to me and Cory..." I nodded slowly before he pulled my chair back. "Who're you going to imagine when you have to say I do?"

"I'm not going to marry you Puppy!"

"Please? I want to have a wife in the future."

"You do realize that this assignment has no real effects on our future, right?" I asked and he shrugged. Why do I even bother? Shawn got down on the floor and held up an old ring. "Where'd you get that?" I asked in awe and fear. It looked like a real stone encrusted in silver.

"My mom. She said she bought it with money from a dancing competition. I figured you'd like it." I smiled down at him.

"YOU STOLE A RING FROM YOUR MOM?!" I exclaimed. Shawn just laughed.

"Of course not. She was chucking a bunch of stuff and I asked if I could have this one. She said she didn't care." He explained. "I figured it'd be a great way to propose to my project wife."

"That's sweet, Pup." He smiled. "But I'm not marrying you for the project." He pouted but he smiled softly and slid the ring on my index finger. It was a bit loose but not enough to slide off my finger.

"I still think you should keep this." He stood back up and we continued working on our projects together.

+=+=+=+=+

I walked into class wearing a black turtleneck over my favourite blue bedazzled jacket. I held a magazine Shawn had made entitled "Modern Heroes" close to my chest and the glasses I wore on days I had tests.

"Ms. Archer, pleasure to see you after all these years." Mr. Feeny spoke jovially. I offered my hand for him to shake, something I rarely ever did because people's hands are disgusting

"Hello sir. It's been a while." I replied. I had rehearsed this last night so much that Tamara and Adam decided to play along.

"Yes, it has. How have things been? What have you been up to?" He asked.

I took a deep breath and said what I practiced with Cory. "I have spent the last ten years working with Black, Indigenous and other marginalized communities to ensure that their voices are heard and not ignored by the public. As you know, the world has a tendency to put the voices of white males above everyone else's. I have worked tirelessly to fund searches for missing and murdered indigenous women. I have advocated my beliefs that those in non heterosexual relationships should be able to experience all of the same treatment of their heterosexual counterparts without discrimination and that more non straight, white, Christian narratives get told as regularly and freely through the media."

Mr. Feeny looked down with his brows raised. I'm not sure if he's impressed or not. "That's quite the portfolio, Ms. Archer."

"Thank you sir. Before I leave, would you be interested in signing my petitions?"

He smiled. "Of course. And what are we fighting for today?"

"I'm interested in composing a bill that prohibits the ability to inflate prices without ensuring that every citizen has equal or equitable access to basic human necessities such as food, housing, medicine and education." He signed that one with an agreeing nod.

"And the next one?" He asked, taking the second clipboard.

"That any and all prison inmates who have been wrongfully convicted, any family who's grieving the loss of a loved one due to police brutality, and any victim of violence (within proof and reason) will receive money from the untouched portion of American tax dollars." I stated.

"That's quite the mission. How do you think people are going to respond to that?" Mr. Feeny asked.

"Well, those who have something to gain from the victimization of these groups won't respond well. But they have to understand it's the system that made them victims, so it should be the system that should be charged." Mr. Feeny signed the next clipboard, not before adding a very large A to the top of my sheet.

"Bravo Ms. Archer. I'm excited to see what your future looks like." He smiled and turned away.

I was beaming, taking a seat by the door awaiting my boys. I was fiddling with the ring on my finger when Cory, dressed like a member of the Phillies, jogged into class. "Oh, Cornelius, you didn't." I cringed at him. "Why couldn't you choose to be a basketball player? You're good at basketball!" I whined.

"You think I'd end up over twelve feet tall?" He quipped back sarcastically and I had to concede because he was right. Allan was only about 5'10. Cory and I just sat and waited for Shawn as we read a Captain America comic. I really liked Bucky.

"Raven-Anniya? What's your obsession with Bucky Barnes?" Cory asked, seeing me completely skip over the scene where he dies.

"I just like him. He's one of my favourites." I answered and was about to continue reading when Shawn walked in.

"A tire salesman. I can't believe you came as a tire salesman."

"And muffler specialist."

"What's with the big gut?"

"My dad's fat, my uncle's fat, my grandpa's fat. Let's face it, Cor, I'm going to be fat."

Cory left Shawn and I to have a turn with Feeny. "So...look what I found." Shawn reached into his pocket and pulled out a picture of us from many years ago. I remembered that day. When I was five, my mom and dad left for New York. I didn't really remember why but I did remember being sad because I was leaving my first friends from kindergarten. What I didn't remember until later, was that I not only used to live in Philadelphia but that I had met Shawn and Cory back when I pretended to be asleep at nap time.

+=+=+=+=+

1988

"Come on, Sweetie. You have to go inside." My dad was practically pushing me into the building. I was refusing to go back inside because of the day before. A girl had stuck a wad of gum in my hair and I was not interested in going back there.

"Hi Mr. Archer, Raven getting clingy?" My teacher asked and I glared at her. She made the executive decision to rip out my hair in order to get the gum. She then asked a kid to get her some scissors.

"She tried to cut me!" I pointed to her and her face went white. I wasn't the most articulate 4 year old. I also didn't understand the weight of an accusation like that but to be fair...you should never try to cut a child's hair to remove gum.

My teacher started laughing nervously. "What an active imagination your daughter has." She looked so uncomfortable.

I just looked at my dad and pointed to the small section of my hair that still had some remnants of the gum despite my best efforts to get it out. My mom said she'd cut it properly on the weekend. I guess she didn't tell my dad.

"Did you...try to cut her hair?" My dad asked, lifting me up.

"I was only trying to help. I suggested that I cut it out but she didn't want me to so I let it go." She said, almost pleading with my dad to believe her.

"But miss, you asked Cory to get you the scissors." A little boy stood at the door next to another curly haired boy.

When my dad put me down, the first boy walked up to me and looked in my hair. His friend looked up at my dad. "Use coke. It worked for me when my brother put gum in my hair." I remember my dad looking at these 2 boys then bursting out laughing.

"Okay, Ray. Daddy's gonna go now, but be good and make new friends." He pushed me into the boys before he pulled out his camera. I never understood why he walked around with it. "Now say CHEESE!"

+=+=+=+=+

Present day.

I looked at the Polaroid picture before turning it over. In my dad's handwriting. 'My baby's KG wedding.' I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Why do you have this?" Shawn peeked over my shoulder for a second.

"So I can show Feeny that we're married." He said before running to our teacher.

"SHAWN, NO!!!"

(A/N: Adding more backstory also Shawn being the chaotic child I believe him to be. Thanks for reading)

#please dont steal #my story #black reader #boy meets world #shawn hunter x oc #black oc

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journey-to-the-attic · 2 years ago

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Now I'm curious about Solphisto in the RPG AU... so if Mephisto going missing was a catalyst for Solomon's downfall, but he presumably appears again during Ik's adventure. Would that be before or after Solomon reincarnates himself?

ok so!!! it goes like this

solomon is an aspiring sorcerer learning all kinds of arcane arts. barbatos and mephisto are both allies who are both teaching/learning alongside him

solomon becomes more ambitious. he starts going for forbidden rituals, cursed spellbooks, etc, etc. barbatos feels he is going too far; when solomon refuses his warnings, he leaves and cuts off all contact

mephisto sticks with solomon for about a year, during which he just kind of makes him worse (despite attempting to be supportive - he indulges him too much)

mephisto goes looking for a very powerful ancient tome that they've had their eye on for a while; upon touching it, he 'goes mad' - it's a sort of time-leakage that completely messes up his perception of the world

royal guards find him on the outskirts of the kingdom, muttering nonsense to himself, casting spells at random - occasionally bursting into fits of hysterical laughter and lunging for the nearest person's throat

the king (sonno) spares him execution (mostly for his own designs) and instead locks him up in a remote cave

solomon does not know any of this. from his point of view, mephisto left for the tome and just never came back

in an attempt to rationalise his grief, presumes that mephisto ran off with the tome, and starts rapidly getting even worse - going too far, causing too much damage

at some point he manages to tempt asmo (a brother from a once-noble family whose bloodline comes with the ability to turn into powerful weapons) into allying with him

however, asmo very quickly grows uneasy with the nature of solomon's methods, and leaves

and so he gets even worse, now becoming the tormentor of the people that he will forever be known as

however, sonno doesn't actively try to stop him - after all, if everyone's worried about this sorcerer, no one will have the time to stop him from enacting his increasingly sinister royal policies

then sonno dies (possibly because of a curse set by solomon himself) and diavolo comes to power. he is much less tolerant of solomon's deeds and declares that the sorcerer is to be found and punished

now with the whole nation rallying against him, solomon decides it's too risky to stay around, and so uses his arcane knowledge to 'reincarnate' himself as a hapless adventurer

(he didn't choose this personality, it just turns out that that's what he's like once all the trauma and developing evilness is removed)

the sorcerer disappears, and isn't seen for two whole years. most think he's been secretly killed by some vigilante, or else slain himself to avoid persecution

during those two years, diavolo, now able to focus on things other than that blight on his people, learns of what happened to mephisto and travels to his cave-dungeon to investigate

it turns out that mephisto's ostensibly back to normal; he behaves cordially and cracks jokes (though if one looks him in the eye for long enough, one can see that his gaze is never quite focused)

so diavolo releases him

mephisto has mostly forgotten what his life was before the dungeon. after spending some time re-visiting all the places he's been, though, he does start unearthing memories - of a sorcerer he was fond of, and of a mutual want for knowledge and power that they were both willing to watch each other be corrupted for

and then he hears that said sorcerer has been dead for two years, and really isn't sure what to do after that

he meets astaroth soon after being freed, who sort of takes him in and shows him the ropes of living a normal life again, over time they (plus wiz and alecto) become an inseparable little group, and thus their little robin hood-style gang is born

some time after that, ik the travelling hero finds solomon the hapless adventurer trapped in a well and rescues him

we know the rest - they get arrested upon entering a nearby village, etc, etc.

mephisto doesn't quite remember what his sorcerer looked like, so he doesn't recognise this solomon upon meeting him - and of course this solomon has no memory of his past life

nevertheless they find each other strangely familiar

solomon only figures out why once he's touched that artifact and starts regaining his old life's memories, while mephisto only does so once he's heard that solomon has confessed to who he used to be, and that the news wasn't received too well

eventually, once everything's calmed down and solomon's reconciled with his old life and is making amends, they find time to talk about what's happened over the years

then they kiss or something idk

#answering asks #anon asks #rpg au #jtta au #solphisto

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hungrydolphin91 · 1 year ago

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me, who has too many thoughts about cult-ish Kresnik clan: pls tell me about cult-like Elysia 👀

OK SO.

This is gonna get long because as usual I am overexplaining and it's also very angsty because there is something wrong w me but you asked so here you go!!

tw for possession and cult behavior:

I have to preface this by saying that this cult!Elysia AU is part of a general darker Zesty AU where the biggest fundamental difference is that prolonged exposure to malevolence causes seraphim to straight up not exist rather than turning them into dragons (it still turns humans into hellions though). They can withstand it better if they have a pure vessel but since it causes them to become less and less corporeal over time it's better in seraphic culture to have a vessel with its own mobility like, say, a living thing (or a goblin cart but that's a different story XD). This has obviously caused a very different dynamic between humans and seraphim, as humans are unknowingly wiping out the seraphim that would have been blessing them and restoring peace to their own declining societies, while seraphim see humans as little more than plague-ridden beasts to be avoided at all costs.

Thus how we get to cult!Elysia, established by Zenrus on a mountain far away from human settlements to avoid their malevolent contamination. After he witnessed the fall of the last Shepherd and the general shit-show that is Camlann, Zenrus gave up on humanity and twisted the myth of the Shepherd into one of the seraphim's ultimate weapon, a human that could be manipulated via armatus and used to wage war against his fellow humans. There's plenty of disgruntled seraphim around seeking shelter and revenge to join his cause, and two kids, one human one seraph, who could easily be indoctrinated and groomed for this purpose. I'm sure you know who those two are ^^'

At first Sorey and Mikleo buy into what they're told; I mean, they're isolated on a mountain and these are their only guardians so how could they not? Sorey's not too keen on the methods though, mainly because in order to be able to armatize someday they have to improve his resonance via pacts and possession, which has the same toll on his body that it originally did in canon. Mikleo, meanwhile, is assigned as Sorey's primary caretaker since they're the same age and even though they're preserving this vessel to stay "pure" there's still a lot of disdain toward humans in general; this is not a desired task. And Mikleo resents his job at first but as he spends more time with Sorey it becomes pretty evident that humans have the same feelings and intelligence of seraphim, that they're not "lesser" or "dirty." Before long he starts doing his job too well, ie. trying to keep Sorey healthy by not letting the other seraphim abuse him and make him sick again. His protests are not appreciated and are mostly ignored.

With Sorey's health frequently compromised, the two spend a lot of time indoors talking or reading books Mikleo swiped from Gramps's house. It seems Zenrus broke rule number one of Cult Formation because some of the books they read have ideas that go outside of the cult's ideology, namely that the purpose of the Shepherd is supposed to be as a bridge between humans and seraphim and that coexistence between the two is not only possible but highly prosperous for both (sidebar, Zenrus owns those books because he used to believe in those things! alas!). Of course once they start talking about this and asking questions their reading material is confiscated and burned, except for a copy of the Celestial Record that Sorey stashed under his pillow. It remains their favorite talking point as they imagine a less malevolent-y future where they could leave the mountain and explore these places for themselves.

As the two grow older they internalize their experiences and reject their ideology in different ways: Sorey is rather quiet and withdrawn from the years of abuse and resulting learned helplessness, except when he's alone with Mikleo in which he talks his ear off. He still has pure feelings of wanting to be the Shepherd, just the one from the books not the sermons. Mikleo however is more rebellious, fiercely loyal toward Sorey, and wants to just run away with him somewhere beyond the reach of the Elysians OR humans. He's been practicing the Spectral Cloak arte in secret so they might be able to escape with it one day.

Ok I'm almost done since most of this AU is just backstory anyway but there is the usual inciting incident: on a rare day where they're allowed to explore the nearby temple, Sorey and Mikleo meet the human Alisha, who came searching for a seraph to potentially bless her city, as the corruption in Ladylake runs deep and she believes in the old legends of seraphic blessing bringing prosperity. As far as the two can tell, this human seems harmless and polite, reinforcing their ideas from the texts that humans aren't inherently bad. She also mentions a festival in honor of the Shepherd, though humans see the title and action of drawing the sword as more of a ceremonial sign of divine leadership and right to be king rather than a specific connection to seraphim, since most humans don't believe in them. Sorey is fascinated by this but Mikleo doesn't want to hear about it; he's still struggling to dissociate the title of Shepherd from Gramps's twisted agenda that's hurting Sorey.

At any rate, they recommend that she stay away from here; the seraphim here aren't going to help and are more likely to put her down like a rabid raccoon. But even with her departure Lunarre still shows up, not unnoticed by the Elysians this time, and while fighting him Zenrus is finally able to enact a full armatus with Sorey and kills the hellion. The rest of Elysia celebrates, as this means the time has finally come to begin their war on humanity, but to Sorey and Mikleo it means the timetable for escaping has been bumped up from "whenever Mikleo has perfected the Spectral Cloak" to "TONIGHT."

And that's pretty much the full background for this AU, the rest of it is pretty sparse but does involve stealing Gramps's pipe as an act of rebellion, an edgy, angsty lil Mikleo who thinks his whole race are monsters (he did that whole paradigm-shift thing where he swung from one extreme belief to the opposite extreme belief), and a potential plot line where Zenrus tries to hunt them down. He didn't raise these kids for 17 years to let them wander off before the final showdown, after all.

Anyway thanks for reading this far, I love being invited to share my soul-crushingly angsty WIPs that I can never actually write or finish. I hope it was interesting and relevant to your own interests! feel free to share your Kresnik thoughts as well, fucked-up fantasy cults are fun :D

#my wips #tales of zestiria #sorry this took me a little while to get to my brain's been fuzzy #i don't think i'll ever actually finish this one it's more of a self-indulgent idea than a whole story #but there are some small delicious dialogue snippets of edgy mikleo being a little too possessive of sorey's wellbeing #and their later fight in the aqueduct is somehow worse bc when mikleo storms off sorey now has to worry if he'll ever see him again #or if the prevalent malevolence will just erase him from existence and leave sorey wondering what happened forever. no closure.#there's something wrong with me :D

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