#So have I been sleep deprived for years?
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My cards for the past 3 years: You're not sleeping enough! You need to sleep, there's important healing happening while you sleep. Other peoples' cards for the past 3 years: You're not sleeping enough! You need to sleep, there's important healing happening while you sleep. Me: What do you mean? I don't do anything else but sleep for 10-12h. I actually feel like I should sleep less so I can get things done. I feel guilty for taking long naps after long night sleep... Me, discovering 10-12h long ambience audios: Wow, these are nice for sleeping. I will sleep with headphones on from now on. Me, waking up: So refreshing to sleep 8 hours! Ambience audio: This audio has been running for 5 hours. Me: ... Really? Well, next night I'll sleep longer. Next night's audio: You've slept 6 hours. Me: What? Me, today: Wow, I slept at least 10 hours! Really needed that! I was so tired yesterday. Audio: You've slept 8h. Me: .... I've been sleeping less than I thought?
#So have I been sleep deprived for years?#no wonder I get a few times a year those days where I sleep 20h in one go#niu's life
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
#I see everyone talking about the nuances when you look at Merlin through [x] lens#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLEEPY LENS#WE CAN’T KEEP SLEEPING ON THE SLEEPY LENS#(can u tell I'm exhausted)#see this reads as if I'm joking but I'm actually being SO serious. I think the lack of rest was a significant factor in Merlin's conduct#IF he got a solid 8 hours of sleep + 2 hours minimum JUST to himself everyday uninterrupted... I just know things would turn out different#like it isn't even asking for much. decent sleep + a frankly sad amount of down-time. and yet. I know he didn't get that w those 3 jobs#ugh#he must have been TIRED do you hear me#even applies to morgana she looked tired tbh. those prophetic dreams probably weren't great for restfulness. sad what she did but#she did seem sleepy#okay ignore this I am going through it. extrinsic intrinsic coagulation pathways have gotten to me if u know what I mean#actually wait no if anyone sees this don't ignore it#HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO SLEEPY and everyone must understand. SLEEPy.#I hope I do not wake up and reread this and wonder why I posted this. but like I feel like I am the correctest person on planet earth rn#I've been thinking abt merlin's nap deprived state for years now tbh#merlin#bbc merlin
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made a sketch during barbie week. never finished it. @agentfaust tysm for the inspiration (even tho its so late lmao)
#pete maverick mitchell#top gun#top gun 1986#barbie#fanart#lmfao this is so stupid-#drawing this after physics test no.1 of the year may not have been the smartest idea ever#but i have no regrets#i wanna draw barbie Mav and sleep deprivation can go screw off!!!#aviiart
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blond bitch bingo
#niyah.txt#idk why i put ian first tbh i've been obsessed with dio's bitch ass for almost 8 years now#but i'm also sure i was sleep deprived so ian went went first#need to get back to ludwig revolution omg it's literally everything my 12 y.o self would have loved
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after months of being so busy i that did nothing but study and work and didn’t have the energy nor time to properly care about this fandom in more than a few ultra specific ways i FINALLY had a chance to reread one of my favourite longfics… burned through it within a day and a half and i feel like myself again oh my god i think i’m finally back. i have one more assignment to hand in tomorrow and then i am ITCHING to write i am so excited i have missed this feeling so so badly
#i was briefly afraid i was losing it for good but WE’RE SO BACK!!#i didn’t need to end this year on the mini death that is losing interest in the major hyperfixation#i don’t want to make any specific promises yet#but i Will be writing. i can say that much#thank you to everyone who’s been patient with me for the past months#ily all so much you have all brought so much light to my life on here <3#sorry it’s late and i’ve been perpetually sleep deprived lately. ignore the sentimentality
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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wip emmet
I don't like it the body throws me off
#subway boss emmet#Emmet#Submas#Sbms#Kudari#INGO COME BACK HOME#I need this guy in pmex so bad I only have ingo and it's been 2 fucking years i want my husband#choo choo#Trains :)#subway bosses#subway boss kudari#Subway boss#ingo. Emmet is waiting. He's deprived of sleep.
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Trying to Tread Water: Chapter Thirty
The Elizabeth/Darcy Marriage of Convenience fic no one asked for
Chapter Thirty: Elizabeth's first ball in town - and the first official dance she is attending as Mrs Darcy - has arrived. As have the Darcy family's collection of jewellery, which Mr Darcy sent for. Of course, despite that their marriage was made to secure her safety, his love for Elizabeth means he wants none but her to wear them. They stay close to each other during the ball, and he cannot keep his eyes off her. Especially when they dance.
Read on Ao3 here
First reviews of Chapter Thirty: "Honestly when I get the email this story has updated I get very excited and it’s a proper treat! I made a coffee and sat down to read it as soon as possible." "Loved this update! Oh man the vibes during that dance were just perfect." "I'm literally so unreasonably happy that they had a nice night out😭😭 grinning in public like a lunatic rn..." "I really loved the ball in its entirety, honestly. The descriptions of the room and atmosphere, and especially the last dance, all speaks to your writing prowess. 12/10, would recommend." "This story is my absolute favorite notification and I seriously enjoy reading it so much! The characters, the world building, just so incredibly well done!"
Story updates on Ao3 fortnightly, with Chapter Thirty-One coming out on the 17th May.
Story tags: Elizabeth/Darcy, Marriage of Convenience, Unrequited Love, Not Really Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Pining, Pining Despite Being Married, Mr Darcy thinks his worst enemy is Wickham but maybe it's himself.
#'oh but Tara' you might say#'why are you only posting this on tumblr the day before the next chapter comes out'#IT IS BECAUSE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE THEN#I'VE BEEN ABLE TO CONVINCE THE TODDLERS TO HAVE THEIR NAP AND I HAVEN'T HAD OTHER DUTIES TO DO#i queue most things on my blog but not this because i like to put in some comments#which i always feel so thankful for and also i'm someone who is swayed to read things because friends tell me good things about it#and taking a few quotes from the comments is the closest i can get to that#and so here we are#posting to tumblr late#at the whims of two two-year olds and my share of the housework#and the former have not been generous to my writing this week#ten days without being able to write a word#BUT HERE I AM#RISING FROM THE ASHES OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION#SO YOU STILL GET YOUR FORTNIGHTLY LIZZY AND DARCY PINING#THE TUMBLR POST MAY BE LATE BUT NEVER THE AO3 UPDATE#pride and prejudice#jane austen#elizabeth bennet#fitzwilliam darcy#elizabeth x darcy#darcy x elizabeth#mr darcy#writing#ao3 writer#fanfic#fanfiction#fanfic writing#archive of our own#ao3
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should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens
#i have slept 2 hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not#tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and i’ve been#having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was#originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didn’t really get far. but maybe that’s bc i wanted to#go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night#and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever i’m an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth#fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god#but i’d get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing#that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much#but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt#running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. i’m such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc i’m so affected#by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (i’m thinking electrocution#will be involved) and keep notes i fear i’d give up and i wouldn’t keep good enough track of things which would be so sad#obvi it would be unethical but i’m cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm i’m digging this idea. 72 hours#is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however i’d want to do this when i have#things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have#suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one
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have been feeling really weird and am trying to figure out what's wrong with me and i almost just texted my friend "i feel like i might be sick but i don't have any symptoms. except for the symptoms." so hm. that's not working lol.
#i feel like i need to sleep for approximately 127 years even though i'm not dramatically sleep deprived or anything#i just need to sleep eternally and then maybe i'll feel fine#i have been having so many dreams and waking up so tired but not at all sleepy and then being soooo out of it all day long#but i don't have any like. cold or flu symptoms which i feel like is usually the culprit in this scenario?
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dicky duckworth count your fucking days
#im so so so sleep deprived and i have never been more prepared to throw hands with a 9 year old#be aware that i cut out some paragraphs for brevity's sake#excuse the warped text i cba to use an actual scanner so my phone had to do#red dwarf
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I wish all jujutsu kaisen fans a very media literacy and manga reread
#Shut up shut up the ending makes sense just take ur time to read and ponder it doesn't have to be explicitly held held explained to u#I won't insist that my every interpretation is 100% correct but thr beauty of story is it can mean what it needs to for readers as individua#I'm so content with the way that it ended bc yeah I have read and spun theories and reread it until it made sense#I didn't understand much the first time it always takes several reads and translations notes help a lot too#But there IS a lot of information there if you're open to finding it#Gege is rly thr best it's so unfortunate#Jujutsu kaisen fans can't read#Like are we even fans if we talk shit on the author?? I don't think you are but why read just to hate it??#Jjk ending#Jjk manga#Gege did nothing wrong#Rant#Vent#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fandom#There are things I'd never understand on my own but lovely readers do research and share what they learn about historical culture language#Context etc and idk I also get that it's hard to sort through. The majority of takes are easily debunked. But if you just. If you just read#The manga several times.... It gets better and more intense and sensical and emotional every time...#Sigh#Sorry I'm sleep deprived and sick of all the gege hate on my fyp!#It never ends I never interact I hide those posts but they still show#Which means I follow a closet hater or the algorithm sucks ass#Probably#Gege akutami#I owe u my life#This last year has been rly hard and idk how I would've survived without your work#I hope u have a good rest and recreational period for as long as u want to
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Physically, I'm already lying down.
Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.
#sonder speaks#personal#but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here#this week has been exhausting#I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry#one of my budgies died a few days ago#but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker#which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much#especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely#and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help#and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked#and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks#and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill#the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care#I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn#and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense#and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too#and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again#my whole body is tense#I'm not tired enough to sleep#I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for#the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me#almost#but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity#and I've struggled to cry for years anyway#so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts#and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person#hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop#and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money#I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?
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IF YOU COULD be at any airport in the world rn which one
the bangkok one i wanna go home but also to look at this cool statue :)
#I DONT REMEMBER WHAT THE STORY IS BEHIND THIS STATUE THOUGH :(#my mom always explains it to me but by the time we arrive there im hella sleep deprived because i dont sleep on the plane#theres also a bunch of giant statues around the airport too to welcome arrivals ^7^ those are cool (i mean intimidating BUT COOL)#something something mixing a sea of milk#i dont remember T_ T#answered#anons#(i dont really remember any airports well because im usually spaced tf out at them laksdjafh)#anyways i havent been to thailand in so long :( like 4/5 years#i was supposed to go sooner but then i had covid and that makes me sad :(#AND I HAD PLANS TOO :((( I WAS LIKE BEGGING MY MOM CAN WE GO TO THE ANCIENT CITY PLEAAAASE and then my ass got sick#*angry punching*#my mom and sisters didnt even wind up going to the city either because my sisters were like 'BUT THATS BORING THATS ALL HISTORY#I WANNA GO SHOPPING'#T _ T i need friends who are also into historical stuff. we can make an adventure team and go travel everywhere together (the dream life)#i say im into history but i have no brain to remember anything btw so dont ask me anything asljkfaslkjh#sorry i seem to be >_> chatty today (procrastinating)
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Sleep Deprived Linked Universe Au concept that I think could be neat, everything is the same but the Chain or a Chain Member (Wild, Sky or otherwise) is like the Sky Children/Moths in Sky Children of the Light. Or where we drop one of the children of light or a moth with the Chain as a substitute for therapy which I really think they could use.
Or secondary Sleep Deprived LoZ/LU Au concept: everything is the same, but either one of the Chain members is like the Vessels in HK, or we straight up drop the Pure Vessel in BOTW when Link/Wild emerges from his 100 year power nap (goodness I wish that were me) after having his brain scrambled like an omelette and they and Link unwittingly imprint on each other and adopt one another as found family, which helps them deal with their respective traumas, bonus points if Wolfie/Twilight/TP Link is also there and unwittingly part of the found family, and if it bleeds over into LU the Chain has to suddenly cope with the fact this eldritch bug being from another world entirely meant to be a vessel for a maddened deity basically adopted one o their own as a sibling. Could also somehow throw Ghost or Hornet in there later on.
I will not elaborate further.
#*sips tea in sleep deprived musician*#legend of zelda au#linked universe au#linked universe#Summer's Sleep Deprived Au Ideas That Are Unlikely to Ever be Posted#Honestly for the HK Au I think it can work because of the parallels between BOTW Link and Pure Vessel only on different scales#Both knightly like individuals with a duty to save a kingdom but ultimately failed#Either by pushing or being pushed too hard into the role to the point it suffocated them#And the only way for them to technically succeed was through death#Because technically the Link/Wild of 100 years ago is gone. He's a wiped blank slate. The old self died so the new one could thrive#and do what needed to be done#In contrast PV either only really gets peace through being killed and replaced with The Knight/Ghost#In aiding Ghost in dealing the final blow to the evil that essentially robbed them of the life they could have had#Or are freed but left to suffer#just some interesting parallels#The Children of the Light au is mostly just a sleep deprived idea since I've been playing the game again.#hollow knight#hollow knight au#sky children of the light#s:cotl#Wild would probably make a very chaotic moth#PV being able to let loose and bonding with an equally silent/feral child and just live freely#Time would take one look at PV and immediately snap them up#Pale King who?
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i have formally and officially entered the loop. sigh.
#im so so so tired but ive been putting off going to bed for hours#even tho im like straight up getting nauseous and dizzy spells#mostly bc my dreams last night and the last couple nights fucked with me#but when i stay up like this my dreams just get worse#which makes me stay up more#etc#the loop#im so tired awughh#once reached a point of sleep deprivation where i had a mental breakdown repeated false awakening nightmare followed by spider hallucinatio#so many spiders on the wall when i woke up#it took hours to actually believe i was awake LOL#i used to have this issue over the course of years where i had the same nightmare every time i fell asleep#didnt matter if it was 1am or 1pm if i slept for 45 minutes or 4-5 hours etc#same nightmare every single time. so i lost A LOT of sleep avoiding it like the plague#i went full whacko mode man. i was off my shit. hallucinating daily type sleep deprivation#dont be like me kids#stay in bed
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