#So I've done quite a lot of research to support that person as best I can

[revenantghost]

I somehow managed to go into Trimax with no spoilers as to who Razlo was and MAN that was a good twist, hats off to you Nightow for making this fun little mystery

[biscuitdolly]

୨ৎ absolute necessities .ᐟ

if you're trying to glow up, get healthier, etc, these are the very basics that you absolutely NEED to follow!

01, WATER .ᐟ

Staying hydrated is crucial for your health and wellbeing. While the recommended daily intake is 8 cups of water, you can gradually increase your consumption over a few weeks if that seems too overwhelming. Drinking enough water provides numerous benefits, from clearing skin and flushing out waste, to boosting exercise performance and supporting weight loss. Despite being the very essence that sustains life, water is often underappreciated.

02, FOOD .ᐟ

I used to skip breakfast, thinking it would help me lose weight. However, studies show that those who eat breakfast tend to lose more weight and keep it off longer. The truth is, food is incredibly important. It's best to regulate your eating habits by consuming at least 3 meals per day, even if they're only small portions. Some food is better than no food. If you want to go on a diet, that's fine! but make sure you research healthy dieting methods. At a minimum, eat one serving of fruits and vegetables daily, and try to increase that to five servings per day if possible. Proper nutrition is key for your overall health.

03, HOBBIES .ᐟ

i have this previous post regarding hobbies you could try! It's so important to find fun activities that you genuinely enjoy and look forward to doing. Hobbies add fun to your life and pose as a nice break from technology and the stress of work and school. They also greatly improve symptoms of depression and anxiety. You could do some physical activity, such as a sport you like, or something more calm and creative, like painting or writing.

04, SLEEP .ᐟ

a lot of people struggle to fall asleep at a decent time. Try getting ready for bed early. Personally, I tend to take off my make up and do my skincare immediately after i come home for school/work so i don't have to worry about it before bed.

Technology is probably your sleeping schedule's worst enemy, as the blue light from the screen keeps your brain awake, so try to pause screen-related activities at least an hour before bed. Also, try not to snack 2 - 4 hours before you go to sleep. This is because lying down makes it harder for your body to digest food, which can result in sleeplessness.

Forcing yourself to go to bed super early isn't helpful either. Like I've mentioned in my other points, take things slow and gradual!

05, SOCIALIZATION .ᐟ

Engaging in simple social interactions, such as conversing with family, seeing friends, or greeting people on the street, is incredibly important. Isolating yourself in your room all day accomplishes nothing.

There was a time when I dreaded spending time with friends, convinced I lacked the energy or mood. However, once I forced myself to make plans, I realized how much I genuinely enjoyed their company. Other people are what make life truly worthwhile. So why not reach out to a friend right now and invite them to hang out tomorrow?

06, ACTIVITY .ᐟ

you don't need an exercise routine if you don't want one, but simple physical activity is still a daily necessity! At least 30 minutes is recommended. Personally, i most enjoy plugging in my headphones and going on a walk around my neighbourhood for an hour or two.

07, SELF TALK .ᐟ

Arguably one of my most important points, quit the self-deprecating talk. You never realize how much it affects you until you quit it. Yes, you can absolutely get that assessment done. Yes, you are a likable and amazing person. Just keep affirming and reminding yourself that you are worthy, and you will attract so many good things. Trust me, it will help you so much in the long run.

[doll-lashes]

Inside look at small business manufacturing in Japan

Written by Connie from the Atelier Pierrot team

(transcript available later in the post)

I wanted to document and share this informative post that was shared by Connie who works at Atelier Pierrot, containing an inside look into small businesses' manufacturing in Japan, which is a category that covers almost all Japanese lolita fashion brands. The post is focused on releasing plus sizing, which is not very common for a lot of Japanese brands. Below are the charts which were included in the post.

It was noted that for the Bustle Corset JSK, the sizing between Size 1 and 2 had more overlap, in the hopes of finding the best proportions. This was due to experimenting with sizing proportions and ranges, the goal of this was to potentially increase the range of sizing, while producing fewer sizes.

Below the "Keep reading" section is a plain text transcript, for anybody using a screen reader. I have made use of formatted headings in order to make it easier to move between sections, as the text is quite long.

Inside look at small business manufacturing in Japan

Japanese brands' manufacturing processes are usually quite mysterious, and I think there are lots of misconceptions overseas, especially when it comes to plus size releases.

Although there's some points I can't go into too much detail for, as the person leading the plus size releases for a Japanese brand I have done a lot of research and have a lot of stats to facilitate the development of these releases.

This will be quite long, and with a lot of interacting factors but I've tried to break it up into sections to make it more manageable for people with no executive function (like me).

General Release Size

The first thing to understand is - Japanese brands are all small businesses. They are not huge companies making 1000 of each dress. Typically, even the "big" brands are making 200-300 of each release, across all colourways. Popular releases will sometimes be larger scale. (AP is an exception, but their manufacturing process is very different and they're generally an anomaly in lolita - but still a small business that is at risk if just one of their releases is enough of a flop. They've also said that they have no interest in doing plus size releases, and they have a sufficiently large market in China currently that they don't need to take the financial risk of starting plus size).

Plus Size Market Size

Within this general market, the plus size market is actually incredibly small, and most overseas lolitas completely overestimate the size.

(For reference, in Japan Bust 100cm, Waist 80cm would be considered L/XL. Anything above this is definitely plus size. Remember that when a Japanese brand uses the term "plus size", they are likely to be referring to Japanese plus size which makes up the majority of their market).

For releases that have a plus size version, the plus size sales make up about 15-30% of all sales. Typically, it's 22-25%. This is the same for both Meta and AtePie (with overall sales numbers being comparative).

Say there's 300 items across colourways for a release (Meta's "regular" size and AtePie's Size 1), proportionally, it might have 75-100 items for all plus size pieces, across all sizes.

I've tried to show these ratios with the graph shared on this main post, but have not said the exact sales numbers. It's worth noting that the Douceur Cutsew had a particularly good sales ratio for plus size, and the Bustle Corset JSK is currently in progress, ending 7/21. The number of plus size sales will increase a little until then, but so will the Size 1.

Doing small-size runs (less than 50 pieces per size) is incredibly costly, which I'll go into more detail for later.

Differences in Japanese Vs overseas buying practices

Although of course they still buy some items secondhand, Japanese lolitas are FAR more likely to buy new and support the brands they love. However, most overseas lolitas tend to buy secondhand, or very rarely new direct from Japanese brands (even for accessories).

This obviously doesn't mesh well with the plus size manufacturing system, which has to be MTO due to the small market and risks of production.

Generally, when Japanese customers request an item be rereleased/made in a new colour etc, typically 80% of people requesting will actually purchase. When overseas lolitas make item requests, typically 30% will purchase. This obviously has a huge impact on each market's buying power, and is something that has to be considered when releasing items.

The influence of overseas customers is much less strong/reliable. However, the plus size market is largely overseas, making up about 80-95% of plus size purchases (regardless of brand). As you can imagine, this combined with the lower amount of overseas customers buying new means that the actual demand for plus size releases is very small.

(Actual demand = people who actually buy the items, not just a desire to have them made)

Plus size actual demand

As you might have noticed, Meta has stopped doing their Plus Plus size releases due to insufficient demand. Atelier Pierrot plus size releases (especially size 3 and 4) are currently under review, based on previous plus size sales.

I am really pushing to find solutions to continue plus size releases, but short of putting the manufacturer or brand at risk, there's very little extra that me or AtePie can do.

Japanese brands absolutely should not put themselves at financial risk for any release just for the sake of it being made, especially if there's insufficient support.

In general, the solution is - customers who want to see more of certain releases should support these releases by purchasing new, especially for plus size where the Japanese market cannot be relied on to bolster the sales. This is actually how I've been able to propose more purple releases with AtePie recently! Purple is relatively popular in Japan, but people really love it overseas!

If people don't order plus size items new, they simply will not be manufactured.

It's very unlikely to find the size that you'd need secondhand, especially in the colourway you like best, if only a small amount were ordered in the first place.

Manufacturing process and costs (general)

During the manufacturing process, the item is first designed (and print, if applicable), fabric, trim and colourways are chosen, measurements/pattern is modelled and decided. A sample is made (in the real fabric, to determine how it drapes etc). Adjustments are made to the sample and if necessary another sample is made. Brands will typically try to avoid making the second sample wherever possible because it's very expensive, but sometimes it's unavoidable. Then, the pricing is determined and if it's a general release the number of each item to be released is decided. Colourways are released in different numbers based on demand. As a gothic brand, Atelier Pierrot produces more of the black colourway of each item.

The price is determined by the overhead manufacturing costs, material/trim costs, pattern making, shipping of materials/products, among other things.

The sample commission and pattern cutting are the most costly parts of item development. Designers really don't make much at all and work long hours - for many of the "big" brands it still works out as approximately minimum wage, which is about 1000 yen per hour in Japan.

If the main designer is also the brand owner (e.g AtePie, Sheglit), of course they make more money but they still aren't millionaires by any stretch of the imagination.

Lolita is a passion project for many of the people involved, which is why brands may just stop if people get burnt out/lose that passion (Boz).

Manufacturing process and costs (plus size)

Plus size releases follow this same general process. However, multiple sizing means that multiple samples must be made. Samples must be made in all colours and all sizes to make sure that they come out as expected. For reference, the current AtePie Bustle Corset JSK samples were:

Size 2 - black x white, purple

Size 3 - navy, bordeaux

Size 4 - purple, black

These additional samples add a huge amount of cost (usually it's 200-300k yen for main piece samples in each size, but this varies). If an item is rereleased in the same fabric, another sample wouldn't be necessary. Items released in another fabric would need another sample.

Having small runs of less than 50 of each Plus Size sizing increases the cost per item.

Another additional cost is adjusting the patterns to fit plus size bodies. AtePie adjusts all measurements, not just bust and waist (shoulder width, arm circumference, arm scye, bodice length, skirt circumference etc). Most Japanese brands and manufactures aren't familiar with how to adjust patterns for plus sizing (especially Western plus size), so this stage often has to be outsourced, which is more costly. As time goes on, the measurement range would become more familiar and require less work/lower costs each time (which could be passed on to the customers). However, this could only happen with long term plus size production.

However, plus size dresses are always going to cost more than the size 1 to manufacture. I'm sure a lot of people are aware that the material cost is significantly higher. If a waist circumference is 20cm larger, to have proportional gathering it usually requires ~60cm extra fabric. Adding gathered chiffon on top means an additional 180cm of fabric. These material costs quickly add up.

A cost that many people aren't aware of is the "pattern cutting cost". Most Size 1 lolita releases fit on a single pattern sheet, to be cut out onto fabric by the manufacturer. However, plus size releases have larger measurements and usually require two or more pattern sheets (for main pieces). This is paid by sheet, meaning that this stage of the manufacturing process costs 2-3x as much as Size 1 for every single item made.

To avoid these additional costs raising the price of plus size pieces too much, AtePie absorbs a lot of these extra costs. However, this of course means that the profit margin is much lower despite all the extra difficulties/hard work involved, which is a strain for a small business (which all lolita brands are).

AtePie Size 1 and Plus Size Blooming Rose Corsets were the same price because we just absorbed all extra costs. The Douceur Cutsew had less than 1000 yen price difference (due to much higher manufacture costs), but most was still absorbed. The Bustle Corset JSK has a larger price difference because it's an incredibly expensive piece to produce (difference in volume of fabric due to all the ruffles, requires 2-3 pattern sheets to be cut, more QC costs etc), but AtePie is still trying to absorb as much of the costs as possible.

We absolutely will not force the plus size manufacturer to absorb these extra costs because we do not want to put them at risk of closing.

If Japanese brands were to spread these extra plus size costs to the Size 1/"Regular" size, it would alienate the Japanese market and greatly affect sales, which is really not possible when Japanese customers still make up the vast majority of customers

Quality control issues

It can be hard to find manufacturers that are capable of making lolita pieces. Lolita is much harder to make than regular fashion pieces, with lots of unique details and construction techniques. Brands really try to hold onto long term partnerships with specific manufacturers to minimise mistakes, but they still sometimes happen.

A common mistake is the skirt circumference, especially the lining - often the manufacturer can't believe that there'd be so much VOLUME to the skirt and make a mistake with the measurement. This is often at the initial sampling stage, but sometimes it's the occasional stock item and caught during the Quality Control stage.

Whenever possible, these are returned and corrected to minimise waste. If it's not possible to correct something, they may be sold as B Grade items.

AtePie works with a few different manufacturers for different types of items. For the one of the main manufacturers, we've been working with them for more than 30 years and they have a very good understanding of our designs, but mistakes are occasionally made still.

Manufacture in China usually has a much higher number of mistakes/QC issues, so although it's cheaper than Japanese manufacture it involves a lot more QC, and sometimes expensive/time consuming shipping back to be fixed.

These problems are all exacerbated by adding plus size releases. Manufacturers are unfamiliar with the larger measurements and more likely to get confused/make mistakes. It's more common to have mixed measurements (e.g. the bust is Size 3 but the hem circumference is Size 2). This adds a much longer QC period to make sure defective items aren't sent to customers, which is also costly in terms of labour.

This is why it's so vital that AtePie works to support the manufacturer capable of doing plus size releases without adding additional financial strain to them. We really really want the manufacturer to be able to continue making plus size pieces.

Risk for brands and manufacturers

Meta almost became bankrupt when they started doing plus size releases, and their current manufacturing system is not really sustainable or ideal for the future of plus size releases. Often doing plus size releases is a huge financial risk both for manufacturers and the brand involved.

As mentioned before, manufacturers that can do plus size are very rare in Japan. If one of the very few places that can do plus size closes down, it is highly unlikely it reopen. The current manufacturer in Japan that can do plus size pieces is currently in a very weak financial position due to a former contract with a (non lolita) brand doing plus size. If it is forced to close, it'll be a HUGE blow to plus size availablity in Japan (again, not just lolita).

Summary

As you can see, the plus size market is really not big at all, and on top of that it's financially risky for lolita brands to get involved with.

AtePie (and mostly me as the person in charge) are working really hard to try to make releases more accessible, but it is done out of passion for lolita and not because it's a lucrative market. If there is sufficient support, over time it may become easier to release plus size items more often, and with very little/no price difference (this is my goal!)

However, this is a goal that is entirely dependent on overseas customer support.

Buying new from lolita brands is the best way to show the brand where the market might exist and encourage more of the items you want to see. Supporting AtePie plus size releases will also allow us to in turn support the plus size manufacturer and hopefully allow them to continue making plus size pieces (not only lolita) into the future.

Even though this is a hugely long explanation, I've still barely covered the basics. I hope it was still informative for people!

[tollingreminiscentbells]

Hi there! I just finished devouring your accu au and just. Wow. I had to say something, because I haven't enjoyed a fic like that in a while. I'm very, very, VERY picky with my smut - especially when it comes to alastor, ESPECIALLY when he is actively being tagged as ace - and I am pleased to say that the emotional and physical intimacies of your writing truly astounded me. Not only did I, as an ace, feel comfortable with the scenes, but I enjoyed them and the way Alastor interacted with them. His "delusional" not-sex moments were my absolute favourite, and I found myself smiling when he would defend his view of sex. Obviously everyone is different, but for me personally, I feel like you are one of very few writers who actually got the asexual-but-not-sex-repulsed bit perfect. I truly related to some moments and the relationship between Al and Lucifer was so understanding that it made everything feel fluid and real. To me, smut is something that I find boring half the time - the times I do enjoy it are always when there's some juicy character growth mixed in, and your writing has that in spades. I applaud your skills. Accu made me so happy to read; it was an absolute delight. When I saw on your tumblr here that you're working on another fic, I thought I might be in heaven. I am so terribly excited to see what you've been working on, especially with all the history and research you've mentioned putting in to this new fic.

I also read your Alastor selfcest fic, and as someone who is quite easily swayed by selfcest, I must say that I enjoyed that one, too. I would love to hear what other fantastic Alastor ideas are in that intelligent, magnificent brain of yours.

In the interest of forcing this to become the norm instead of hiding behind my anxiety, I am extending a formal invitation to chat about hazbin or whatever else if you so desire. I would love to talk about ships and fics and be friends. Of course, no hard feelings if not!

I wish you all the best and hope this long-ass comment finds you well. May you continue to write what pleases you. Thank you for your time.

Love and Support, Loliqua

Oh, thank you so much for this message! It's delightful and made my day! I've said before that I consider A Terrible Beauty, specifically, some of the best writing I've done in probably the last 5 years, and that whole AU is very special to me. It makes me happy beyond words, really, when other people love those fics like I do.

It's funny. When I started writing for this fandom I didn't talk about my own asexuality. I actually didn't consider it relevant information at the time. I've talked about all of this since then, but I write Alastor's relationship with sex in a way that is similar to my own. I write sex scenes for the character development and these particular sex scenes are a reflection of real lived experience. Genuine ace rep, you could say. I think that's what resonates with some readers and I'm just so glad that it landed with you!

When people talk to me about All changed, the two things most frequently mentioned are "I love him violently", and the delusional not-sex. And you know, if that is my legacy in this fandom, I will feel like I did my part and made a worthwhile contribution.

And I am indeed working on another fic! A Momentary Radiance, wherein Alastor sells his soul to Lucifer while still alive, kills a few people, and romance ensues. A lot of references and homages, as well as the historical fiction aspect, which you'll see most clearly in the content of Alastor's radio show. I took a more traditional approach with this fic, so I've been working on it quietly since early July. Despite my major international move not long ago, we are finally almost across the finish line.

Then there are . . . several other fic ideas that I'm trying to ignore for now. It's getting out of hand. And if you want to hear about the madness, I am always more than happy to make friends!

💜

[formulatrash]

Obviously you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but was just wondering what you think of Lewis' vacation to Antarctica. I've seen a lot of opinions on it and it's made me quite annoyed

hmm, well. so: the bit of Antarctica that he's in is the southern tip of Argentina, not the island that we tend to call the Antarctic. which does somewhat make a difference because that's a place (not many but some) people live not a research station in a desert. there is a lot of tourism to this part of the Antarctic - cruise ships take people there to see it, you can organise trips there as a normal person. so he's not entirely flexing a privilege to do something only he could.

which doesn't, of course, make the environmental and social impacts of tourism in vulnerable regions any better.

for someone who genuinely cares a lot about animals and the environment, Lewis is sometimes really a dork about thinking things through. people shouldn't be that close to penguins and seals and probably a good idea to leave the scant amount of sheet ice alone and not treat it as a ski slope. Tierra del Fuego is often thought about as the end of the world; unfortunately, the climate is actually looking like that.

do I think Lewis is doing it with any malice? no, of course not. and maybe he has been educating himself while he's there. but there are far less environmentally impactful places to do that from; watch Frozen Planet, y'know.

the other factor is that Tierra del Fuego is home to indigenous people who are unlikely to profit from tourism and whose home is affected by it. Mapuche people, the largest indigenous group in Argentina, live there and so do Yaghans and other Fuegans. tourism affects indigenous people's rights to use their land, as well as animal populations and creating pollution and potential energy conflict.

so: there are lots of reasons why holidaying in Antarctica is not great and conflicts with a lot of what Lewis believes. does that make him hypocritical? yes but I suspect in an unaware way; he's sometimes extremely oblivious because he has spent his entire adult life in a very small bubble, which his efforts to educate himself beyond sometimes disguise how much those are things he had to do deliberately, not information that was fed to or came naturally to him.

I am not delighted he's done it. I don't think he intended to cause harm and would be worried by the idea he could have, if it was discussed with him. for someone who advocates conscious living he can be a bit live, laugh, love when it's something he wants to do and to be honest, there's a lot of childish delight at the idea of seeing the Antarctic that would probably enchant a lot of us given the opportunity. there are 200,000 people who visit Ushuaia every year, so there's clearly a market for it.

is it a reason to remember that Lewis, like everyone, isn't some sort of pure figure who can do no wrong? yeah. awhile ago I answered an ask that was something along the lines of 'how can you think Lewis is problematic' and it's like: because he's a Formula 1 driver. because he is a person who is honestly trying to do his best on a lot of things but who is still going to make mistakes. his ultimate priority remains driving a car faster than anyone else on 23 Sundays a year, not educating himself or other people in a mature and informed way and if you expect anything else from him you will be inevitably disappointed.

so: it's ok to be annoyed at him about this and still like or support him. it's ok to think he's the best F1 driver at advocating for things and also just a fucking idiot rich boy with zero thoughts in his brain sometimes. what Lewis has achieved and overcome isn't lessened or negated by the fact he did it while also being Just Some Guy Who Makes Bad Choices Because He Was Having Fun or whatever. blorbos are multifaceted and it's what makes them so incredibly tempting to like, put in a box and tell them no.

[dfortrafalgar]

Your story with Law and the miscarriage feels very real to me. I didn't struggle to get pregnant but as I was on my second pregnancy I also got the 'there should be a heartbeat, let's just wait one or two more weeks, we could be wrong about the time...' when I was around 6 weeks, but the next consultation showed no heartbeat and no growth and I had a dead fetus in my belly for around 3 weeks before my miscarriage. It hurt like hell. And the actual sound of the blood clot hitting the toilet was truly real to me because the same happened to me. The physical pain was beyond anything I've felt, compared maybe to labour pains, and the psychological pain was quite hard as well. I regretted having told my parents and brother about the pregnancy because then it hurt like hell having to tell them about the miscarriage.

I didn't try again yet, since I already have one child but I have made peace with it. I'm fine now and I do hope this story has a happier ending.

Just wanted you to know that this feels very real and you are doing an excellent job. Thank you for sharing this. ❤️

oh my goodness anon, this message has seriously touched me, thank you so much for sharing your story and i'm so beyond happy that my little fanfiction has brought some comfort. from the other side of the fertility coin, i can absolutely sympathize and i am so sorry for the experience you went through. the fact that you shared that is a testament to your strength and i sincerely hope you and your family are doing well!!! i'm sending you all of my best wishes, whether you try again or not, you are truly loved and supported. thank you thank you THANK YOU so much for sharing this with me, god i wish i could hug you ;w;

i'm also kind of... relieved? in a strange way. i know that sounds seriously bizarre to say, but ive definitely mentioned at least once that this fic is coming from a really personal place, so recently i've started to question whether i'm making it too raw or too deep. but reading your ask gave me the reminder that i needed that topics like these are just that- raw and emotional, and that these stories deserve to be told, regardless of the format!

i can't remember if i said it in any of the chapters yet or not, but if anyone else who has read my fic struggles with any sort of reproductive health-related issues (really, anything! fertility, pcos, endo, pregnancy support, etc etc), i seriously encourage seeking out positive support groups either online or in person! throughout the research i've done on this fic, i've found a large amount of online forums dedicated to supporting women and afab people through their pregnancy journeys, the highs, the lows, and everything in between. one in particular that has been a constant read for me has been What To Expect . their community page has given me hope for humanity. r/endo on reddit has also been an amazing resource for support and experiences!

((and yes, i've started to promise it a lot more for the worried readers, but this fic will have a VERY happy ending for reader and law!!! its quite a bumpy road, and their hurdles aren't over yet, but i already have the ending written and it makes up for all of their struggles <3))

[asurrogateblog]

Hi! You made a post a little while ago about syd's use of cannabis and psychedelics, how they could have interacted, and how that may have affected his behavior. I was wondering if you were citing personal experience or if you had read anything about those interactions that you could point me towards. I'm doing a little research project right now and would love some insight. Thanks!

hello! content warning below for drug use obviously.

that post was informed by a mix of personal experience and outside research. unfortunately, because of the legal status of psychedelics, not many real medical studies have been done (for one exception that supports what I explained in the post, see: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9110465/). due to this, a lot of the time the best way to learn is through reading through various forums for people who use these drugs. obviously, you can't trust everything you hear on like, r/lsd, but there is something valuable about collective knowledge-building, especially when the same questions are asked repeatedly and get very similar answers from a wide variety of people.

for instance, as for the psychedelics/cannabis interaction, reading the forums will give you the sense that a lot of people have different experiences, but overall, they report (mirroring that article linked above) that mixing the two makes for a much stronger, longer trip, and a semi long-term change in how cannabis on its own is responded to. this certainly matches up with what I've experienced. if you're doing your own research, I really would recommend getting onto these boards and cross-checking across many similar posts to start learning.

transparently, I actually got a lot of my information about lsd and about syd specifically from one-on-one conversations with my ...uh.... source. he's quite the character. he's an 80 year old man I met at a pink floyd tribute concert who's covered in dsotm tattoos. he was actually part of the original psychedelics scene back in the 60's, and he's a syd superfan, so he's got a lot of accumulated knowledge (he also works in the pharmaceutical industry). when I first bought from him, he gave me about a 30 minute lecture on exactly how people like syd did acid in the late 60's and why that was so dangerous (i.e., "so don't do it like that"). obviously I fact-checked him afterwards, but all that was very insightful.

if you have any specific questions, please feel free to dm me or send more asks. I'd be happy to talk about my own experiences with psychedelics if you think that would help. I have a lot of information about things like dosage, safety tips, short vs. long-term effects, benefits vs. risks, etc, that I've just built up over time. I guess it all depends on what kind of project you're working on.

[ziggyonlinepresence]

11th March (week 2) - Conceptual Writing Update.

Thoughts after last week and idea for project

Ok so, finding the time last week to write about all my different conceptual ideas was though. I didn't expect them to need much as much writing as I had to do for them. I only got through 2 of the 4 ideas that I currently have on the back burner. The amount of writing I needed to do also meant I couldn't even start on my 3 other posts, those being my book research update, my visual research update and my Making update blog post.

Thinking, about what I wrote last week and what I've made in the past.

After having written about my idea for the potential project War Games (working title) I found myself wondering if a this kind of conceptual/political narrative is one I would be able to execute. I think that I'm quite apt at communicating more personal/emotional ideas in my work, then through research, tying in broader ideas to support a richer conceptual meaning within the work. In past projects I think I've been able to have my more personal ideas be felt through the work itself (in just a visual sense).

But these more political ideas are ones which I've never attempted to communicate in my work and honestly I'm not sure I currently have the tools with which to do that. My Uncle is an artist who makes pretty politically charged art, but the ideas within his work never feel heavy handed. He has spent much of his life interested in and researching the ideas which now feature in his work, so he's able to include these ideas with a lot of nuance.

I just don't think I've done enough reading basically, to have be able to bring these ideas into my work in a way that would feel as natural as how I bring other ideas. This is not to say I feel as though I could never work in a more political space, but that I'll need to do a lot more research if I ever want to.

Thinking still about my previous work, I've had a pretty consistent visual style/language, one which I've refined a lot of the years. A style which I have also become known for and one that as afforded me some good opportunities and accolades. In this respect I think that my iPhone Panoramas may not be the best project to show publicly. It's quite a change in style and not exactly a style of work I could see myself pursuing in the future. I do think it's important to work with some consistency if you're wanting to present your work to any kind of audience.

Idea. 3, Visiting Dad

One of the conceptual ideas I didn't get to write about last week was an idea I've got, potentially a photo book?

I went to visit my Dad mid-way through last year, I shot a lot. I've always taken my camera with me when I've been to visit and over the years I've made some quite nice images. On the last trip though I shot about 7 or 8 rolls and I got some really nice pictures! There are enough pictures from just the last trip for a small book. But I think an even more interesting book could be produced using these most recent pictures, pictures from past trips and ones from future trips. There is a lot at play there, rich conceptual soil haha.

This is slightly frustrating though as I'd love to put something out now, but I've got no clue when this project would be finished, it has the potential to be very long term.

I've been going to some counselling sessions recently, trying to work through things related to my relationship with my dad. So this potential project is really on my mind.

Untitled, 2023.

Untitled, 2023.

Untitled, 2019.

Untitled, 2023.

Untitled, 2019.

Untitled, 2023.

[croservices]

I Quit Top 10 Cro's a Year Ago. I Don't Miss It.

1. I Quit Top 10 Crosses a Year Ago and I Don't Miss It

It's been a little over a year since I made the decision to quit my job as a top-level CrossFit athlete. At the time, I was burned out, injured, and just generally unhappy with the way things were going. I'm not sure what made me finally take the plunge and walk away from something that I had dedicated so much of my life to, but I'm glad I did.

I don't miss the endless hours of training, the constant dieting, or the constant travel. I don't miss the early mornings, the late nights, or the endless cycle of competitions. I don't even miss the feeling of being on top of the world when I won a big event.

What I do miss are the relationships I had with my teammates and coaches. I miss the feeling of camaraderie and support that comes from being part of a team. I miss the feeling of accomplishment that comes from working hard and seeing results.

Overall, I'm much happier now that I've quit CrossFit. I'm able to spend more time with my family and friends, I'm able to pursue other interests, and I'm no longer constantly injured. If you're thinking about quitting CrossFit, or any other high-level sport, I say go for it. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made.

2. Why I Quit

I quit being a top CRO a little over a year ago. I don't miss it. In fact, I'm really glad I made the decision to leave. Here's why:

1. The pressure was too much.

As a top CRO, I was responsible for the success of a lot of campaigns. And if those campaigns didn't perform well, it reflected poorly on me. The pressure was constant and intense.

2. I was never really able to relax.

There was always something that needed to be done. Even when I was on vacation, I was thinking about work. I was never able to truly relax and enjoy my time off.

3. I was missing out on important aspects of my life.

Because I was working so much, I was missing out on important things in my personal life. I wasn't able to spend time with my family and friends like I wanted to.

4. It was affecting my health.

The constant stress of being a top CRO was taking a toll on my health. I was constantly tired and my anxiety levels were through the roof.

5. I wasn't happy.

I wasn't happy with my career choice. I was good at my job, but it wasn't what I truly wanted to do with my life.

I'm so glad I made the decision to quit being a top CRO. It was a tough decision, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself top 10 CRO's.

3. What I Do Now

It's been over a year now since I quit my job as one of the top 10 CROs in the world. And I have to say, I don't miss it one bit.

Don't get me wrong, it was a great job and I was very lucky to have had it. But after a while, I started to feel like I was just going through the motions. I wasn't really enjoying the work anymore and I wasn't really feeling challenged.

So I made the decision to quit and to start my own research consultancy. And I haven't looked back since.

I'm loving the work that I'm doing now and I feel like I'm really making a difference. I'm also enjoying the freedom that comes with being my own boss.

If you're thinking about quitting your job, then I say go for it. It's the best decision I've ever made.

4. How I Feel About It Now

It's been a little over a year since I quit my job as a corporate lawyer to pursue my passion for writing full-time. And I have to say, I don't miss it one bit.

Don't get me wrong, I loved being a lawyer. I loved the challenge of the work and the satisfaction of helping clients solve their problems. But after a while, I just couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that there was something more I was meant to do with my life.

So I took the plunge, quit my job, and started writing. And I haven't looked back since.

I'm not going to lie, it was scary at first. I was used to a steady paycheck and a certain lifestyle, and I wasn't sure if I could make it on my own. But I'm so glad I took the risk, because now I'm doing what I love every day.

I'm happier and more fulfilled than I ever was as a lawyer, and I'm excited to see what the future holds. So if you're thinking about making a change in your life, don't be afraid to go for it. You might just find that it's the best decision you ever make.

[stellar-solar-flare]

Alright, practical advice. I'm no medical professional or anyone with an education in this stuff, so this is just what has worked for me personally upon experimentation. Your mileage may wary.

Also, I'm assuming that you're getting enough sleep and nutrition and are receiving professional support for any physical/mental conditions that might affect your situation. If any of those are not true, I strongly suggest you work on them first.

General:

This is super basic but please remember to hydrate. I notice a real difference on the days when I haven't been drinking enough water - I'm much more foggy and irritable and prone to headaches.

Timers are my best friend. No need for any fancy ones, just any kitchen timer will do, or a smartwatch/phone/tablet/computer, anything that has a built-in timer. Although if you're using a device, make sure that you're putting it on a do-not-disturb state or similar, where you aren't seeing the notifications on the screen. I do almost everything with a timer, even the fun tasks, because for me that gets me over the starting inertia. Again, we're back to momentum and starting that engine. I just state in my mind what I'm going to do for the time I'm setting and do it; for me, motivation is something that builts up when I've already gotten started, and I understand that's similar with a lot of people. Like that 'I will do 15 minutes of this' helps me transition from the 'Oh I'd like to do X but starting things is hard.' phase. Once the timer is done, I can quit the task or continue. Like 90% of the time, I end up continuing, and my brain knows this, but I still can get started that way even when the idea of sitting down to read a whole book sounds completely overwhelming. When I write, I usually do it in 20-minute focus bursts, shutting off everything else except for maybe music.

I try to combine things I want to do with things I do anyway. Like, I have my coffee every morning, so I journal while I'm having my coffee. It's easier to get that done while I'm already sitting down at a table.

I try to get at least a little physical movement in the day. Even if it's just some stretching. I've noticed it makes a huge difference in focus and motivation.

Despite what the hustle culture would like to tell us, people aren't meant to be 100% productive all the time. No one is. You need rest and recharge time spent in whatever meaningful ways that is for you. Sometimes that's just staring at the ceiling. Be kind to yourself and listen to your body and brain. There is a difference between the mildly uncomfortable inertia of getting started and unhealthy overextertion; only you can know where that line goes for you each day.

If it's been a long time since you've written/read a research paper/read a book/any other similar cognitive task, at first it's going to feel like you've forgotten everything you ever knew about doing this stuff. You have not. I promise. Brains are plastic things, and once the rust comes off, you start to remember why you love this stuff so much. But at first, it's going to be a little uncomfortable and feeling like you can't focus, which is why I recommend using the timer thing and easing into it.

Remember that it's supposed to be fun. It can be fun. You're allowed to have fun, you're allowed to write just whatever indulgence you want to, you can research any topic you like, you can read a book on whatever you want. It doesn't need to be useful or something that'll benefit your career or anything like that. I make little games for myself about doing things and have imaginary conversations about topics in my head with fictional characters and all that weird stuff.

Tech-specific:

For YouTube specifically, I deleted the app from all my devices and switched to browser-use only, initially blocking with a content blocker the shorts page entirely and also hiding the shorts elements from the page. I also disabled my YouTube watch history, which makes my front page into an empty page. Now I have the shorts available again, since I kicked the habit of mindlessly watching the feed; now I'll just check some from the people I've subscribed to, and that's it. Any time I notice a site taking too much of my time, a similar strategy gets executed.

It's easy to be overwhelmed by all the interesting things to learn and read and study when you don't have a pre-decided syllabus. I keep a list of things I want to look into, so I don't have to worry about forgetting a topic. I also keep lists for routines, housework, things to buy etc. All that admin work/'must remember this' stuff goes onto a list.

I try to keep my bed a no-device zone (the Kindle is an exception). I admit I don't always succeed at this, but that's another thing - not every day is perfect and on some days you just need to zone out and that's alright. We need rest - but for me, it's generally a lot more recharging to do things that I actually enjoy as opposed to browsing different feeds.

I have very limited notifications on my devices. I want to be mindful about when I'm grabbing the phone and responding to the notifications, be it emails or texts or messages or whatever. In the morning, I try to do my mourning routine of coffee, journaling, and getting dressed and doing skincare etc before I grab the phone, so that my brain is fully awake. I've noticed that this helps my focus the entire day.

If you share a living space with other people and their sounds are disturbing you, ear plugs, noise-cancelling headphones, or white noise apps might be helpful.

Please feel free to ask if I phrased anything confusingly. These are just things I've found through trial and error when attempting to keep things that are important to me present in my life in various situations. If any of that helps, I'm glad.

And I know it's a lot of stuff so for that overwhelm and getting started, here's a quick plan if you want to try one: just pick a topic or a book, whatever you want, turn your notifications off and put a timer on, and spend 10 minutes looking into it or reading the book.

There'll be no perfect time to get started and if you're anything like me, the feeling of motivation needs to be coaxed out from under the bed, so just take a deep breath and start. You absolutely can, I believe in you. Hugs.

real talk for a mo and why i havent been on so often... its me, i feel like my cognitive skills have gone way down since i graduated this spring.

my ability to focus, my ability to think critically and analyze a text or be self-reflective, my willingness to get up and do something instead of rotting in bed after work are basically non-existent. I love my switch but it's real bad the way it tips the scales when i have to choose between playing video games or being creative or active. i avoid reading through my wip docs or queueing my thousands of drafts. its like my brain has ground to a halt and maybe its not true, its just weird bc for the first time since i was 4, im not a student.

so, it's not groovy but this is also me not giving into the rottening i guess. i wrote some on wednesday and im slowly going through my drafts/inbox. going to focus on learning and maybe doing some creative writing exercises as well as other life things. if you sent me something, ty ily and sorry for taking my sweet time.

i really should journal this but i havent touched my actual physical journal since uhhh july?

[ladyanput]

Ok so this is the third time that I'm sending you an ask tonight. (or is it night time in your country?) I'm being annoying right now but whatever. So I've been cackling about those salt fics you wrote because they are just amazing. I have a request, though it is up to you to write it or not. So, can you write a salt fic where someone got an interview with Ladybug (probably Aurore) and then they ask her why they replaced the old heroes like Rena Rouge, Carapace and etc. and LB is just like I don't work with dumb shits or somethin'. Then there is also a new Black Cat (Probably Luka, Felix, or Damian) because Adrien here is an asshole and this fic is saltier than salt water. Then LB also insults Alya's blog and their school. Those foolish mortals get some lawsuits and the rest is up to you. (This request is probably messed up since it's already midnight here and I can't sleep.)

You're never annoying, I just apologize that it took me so long to get to you. I do hope you don't hold it against me, darling.

A one on one interview with Ladybug was basically unheard of if you weren't the Ladyblog or Nadja Chadwick. Ladybug had made it firm that she wasn't a celebrity, she was a hero. She wasn't there for clout, for attention, for fame or fortune. She just wanted to keep Paris safe.

That's was Aurore admired about her. And why she felt queasy as she sat across from the heroine, who had given her of all people an interview. But she got ahold of herself, taking deep breaths as the cameraman began counting down. And when he hit 'one', she put on her best smile and straightened in her seat.

"Hello Paris! Welcome back to 'Latest Buzz'! I am your lovable host, Aurore Beauréal. Today I am here with a very, very special guest, our very own heroine of Paris; Ladybug!"

Ladybug beamed right at the camera, but gave a shy little wave, giving away the nerves she obviously had.

"Now, Ladybug, I'm so glad you requested to be on the show. You know, I initially thought I had misheard when Estelle told me. Usually you're not big on personal interviews." Aurore gave her full attention to Ladybug, but keeping the bright, friendly smile and perfect posture.

"Well, I tried a few times actually. But when I did, none of them were really great experiences." Ladybug admitted and both girls immediately thought of that disastrous Face-to-Face interview. It left a bitter taste in their mouths. "My issue is that misinformation has been spread around a lot recently. It's made me realize that I need to find more trustworthy sources."

"Ladybug. I vow on my integrity as a host and Estelle's reputation as a journalist that we are people who research facts. We don't ambush our guests, we respect them." She said, placing a hand on her heart. Ladybug saw an honesty in her eyes that she hadn't seen in such a long time. It honestly made her feel.. Respected. "Now, Ladybug.. We both know you have a lot of fans. A lot of admirers. False information can be spread so easily these days, which sources specifically are you telling people to avoid?"

"Well.. With Face-to-Face, I found that I was entirely ambushed in that interview. I wanted to speak about my hero work, but instead Nadja kept trying to needle her way into my personal life. That picture she had shown in largely out of context; when Dark Cupid attacked and Chat Noir was under his spell, it was the only way to get him free."

"Yes, I remember watching that. I'll be honest Ladybug, I felt bad for you." Aurore bit her lip, but smiled a bit when Ladybug nodded. "I mean, Chat Noir wasn't helping either. He seemed to be trying to push this narrative forward that you two are a couple."

"And we're not!" Ladybug burst out before she could stop herself. Everyone in that studio could hear the utter stress and frustration in her voice. "I've begged and begged Chat Noir to stop with the flirting, the 'telling people we're dating', everything! I just wanted him to focus and he couldn't seem to do that!"

"Is that why you replaced him? Because of his slacking off and refusing to take anything seriously?" Aurora sat up an bit straighter, her eyes going wide.

".. Not exactly, no. It was a bunch of issues that eventually piled up and boiled over." Ladybug made some gestures with her hands, trying her hardest to find the words but just letting out a long and pained sigh in the end. "I do enjoy my new partner now. He is more serious, more stable. I know he won't go off and pout if I deny something he wanted. I needed an entirely new team, as a matter of fact."

"Well I am going to say, on behalf of everyone here, that we're glad. We swear on our integrity as journalists that if such rumours were to ever surface again, we will do our proper research." Aurore beamed and many of the staff and crew behind the cameras nodded and gave Ladybug their thumbs up. Honestly, it warmed Ladybug's heart to see such support.

When had been the last time someone had supported her like this? Sure, her parents supported her, but her friends..? Her peers? No, none of them had supported her in a long time.

"Speaking of research, I'd say to stay away from the Ladyblog." It burned to say it but it had to be said. Alya had crossed so many lines it wasn't even forgivable at this point. She had gone too far, had betrayed too many.

"Wait, what?" Aurore nearly jumped out of her seat but quickly composed herself, taking a deep breath. "Pardon me Ladybug, but the Ladyblog has been a vital source of information since the very beginning."

"And I'm not denying that!" Ladybug quickly held up her hands, her eyes desperate now. "But please let me explain. The Ladyblog was amazing in the beginning, but like all things, it started to go astray. It was things like trying so hard to find out my identity. Trying to push that narrative of that whole superhero couple thing.. Ladyblogger Alya Césaire has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy. I mean, I thought she was my biggest fan. Why does she keep pushing my words aside?"

Many people who watched the interview would agree. If you idolized someone, respected someone, truly looked up to them.. Why would you push aside their words, their wishes to try and push the narrative you're so convinced is true, but isn't there?

"And don't get me started on the whole Lila Rossi craze she seemed to be on now." At Ladybug's mention of Lila Rossi, both Estelle and Aurore had to keep from rolling their eyes. They knew all about the girl.

"You speak as if you are quite frustrated, Ladybug. What an odd reaction to your best friend." Aurore leaned forward a bit in her seat. Everyone else got to the edge of theirs. Ladybug only shook her head, looking utterly defeated.

"That's the thing, she isn't my best friend." It took everything to keep from satin that she hated her, that she had taken away her friends and her life. "The only times she's met Ladybug is when she's been akumatized, which has been around six or seven times at this point. And the other things she's claiming are so outlandish! Saving Jagged Stone's kitten from a airport runway? Clara Nightengale stealing her dance moves? And the Ladyblog just posts it out there, claiming every single story is true. I'm just scared that people are taking this one hundred percent seriously. That's why I had to drop Rena Rouge and Carapace from the team as they believed Lila Rossi over me. They didn't even try to confirm these rumours! And it hurts to think that one day, someone will take Lila's words seriously and get hurt. What if she says it's safe to dip strawberries in bleach? Or tells someone that she found a way to tame some kind of wild animal? Someone would get hurt because they believe her story and try it out for themselves!"

"My goodness, I can definitely see how that is a problem. Misinformation is very easy to spread thanks to the internet, so you being worried is a very relatable thing." Aurore nodded, then tilted her head ever so slightly. "Ladybug, do you know anyone who has taken her word seriously? This is besides the Ladyblog of course."

Ladybug closed her eyes briefly, mentally debating with herself before finally giving in. These things needed to be said.

"Collège François DuPont. Now I wasn't there personally, but I heard about this situation and looked into it. The entire situation was appalling. Apparently a student was found to have cheated, assaulted another student, and commited thievery. But the thing that stuck out is only one person saw her do all of these things; Lila Rossi. No investigation was done, no questioning other students. This student was then expelled immediately. Her teacher and her principal didn't even give her a chance. And from what people have been saying, Miss Rossi's behaviour is actively encouraged in that school. She misses countless days, no, months of school, claiming she's traveling. But when she was supposedly in Achu, doing whatever it was she was claiming with Prince Ali, I was fighting her akuma here in Paris on Heroes Day!"

"I was at school the day that happened. I knew the student that happened to. They're the nicest person in that school! Never a bad thing to say about anyone, always willing to help! I agree with you on how things were handled, it's a level of incompetence that is baffling." Aurore's hands slowly curled into fists as she remembered it all. She slowly shook her head. "The principal, their teacher, their class who backed up Rossi. It must have hurt them so much, made them feel so alone."

"That's why I want people to be more careful with what information they take as fact. It's so important, because stuff like that can lead people to a desperate place. They feel alone, like the entire world is against them. I wouldn't have let the principal and the teacher get away with that gross negligence in their jobs." Ladybug leveled her gaze directly to the camera. "People of Paris, please listen to what I am saying. I am here to be a hero, to protect you from the terror of Hawkmoth and to defeat him. But please, do not be like Principal Damocles, do not be like that teacher and her class at DuPont. Do your research, look up your facts. Do not let a liar lead you to do something dangerous and hurt yourself as well as others. Respect each other, talk and be honest. I swear on my life that I shall do the same. You are the people I swore to protect and I love. I am saying this all to protect you. And I'll hope you'll all forgive me for not protecting you sooner."

...

The interview rocked Paris. Ladybug speaking so openly about her frustrations, about the discrepancies in the Ladyblog and Lila Rossi had many people double checking the sources of everything they learned from that blog.

Alya could barely show her face as she made her way though the school hallways. Her reputation as a journalist had gone down the drain. People had basically started boycotting her blog, harrassing her, or trash talking her on other forums and sites. Even a lot of news outlets picked this up.

What hurt the most from that interview last night was Ladybug's words towards her, both as Rena Rouge and as Alya. Surely the heroine had to be mistaken, she had never beytrayed Ladybug! And that Oblivio incident, it was just to show Chat Noir and Ladybug that they were meant to be together!

Her family was upset with her. No, upset was too tame of a word. They were pissed.

"I can't believe she lied to us.."

"Well what do you expect from someone who keeps harrassing Ladybug?"

Alya flinched when she heard the whispers and rushed into Miss Buster's class. The entire class was there, all seated, all looking utterly miserable. Many of them looked as if they had been crying all night. A lot like she had.

"W-where's Miss Bustier?" Alya asked when she eyed the empty desk. Many of her classmates shot her glares, but didn't say anything about the interview last night. After all, they had no room to talk.

"She and Principal Damocles are with the school board now. We're getting a new teacher." Adrien was the one that spoke up. He looked utterly miserable. So unlike his usual self.

"Lila isn't coming back. She was pulled from school when her mother found out what happened." Alix muttered from her seat, arms crossed and shoulders hunched.

The class went quiet as they all internally contemplated how things had gotten like this. Their eyes focused on the door when it abruptly opened and Marinette came strolling in, carrying a box.

"Good morning everyone!" She said brightly, pretending not to notice the downcast expressions on their faces. She set the box on the teacher's desk before she turned towards them. "Oh? What's wrong everyone?"

".. Did you not watch the interview with Ladybug on 'Latest Buzz'?" Alya stared at Marinette, a bit dumbfounded by her friend's lack of awareness of the situation. She had been expecting Marinette to rush in with support and a fiery vengeance against those who had humiliated her best friend, maybe even a fresh pastry. But instead she was greeted with empty hands and a cheerful hello?

"Oh, well I haven't really had the time to watch much television. I mean, with my transfer papers, needing to plan out my new schedule with all of those new classes. Busy as a bee, that's me!" Marinette just beamed, giving Adrien a playful wink that had his stomach churning.

"Wait, transfering?" It was Rose that spoke up, her large eyes seeming impossibly large now. "Transfer what?"

"To my new school, of course." Marinette giggled and clasped her hands together. "I start on Monday."

"New school?!" Alya was on her feet and rushing towards Marinette. The others quickly followed, crowding around her. "What do you mean new school?! When did you ever say you were going to a new school?"

Marinette blinked, as if stunned, then tilted her head ever so slightly.

"I told you all last week, don't you remember?" Marinette tapped her lower lip, seeming to be wracking her brain before she abruptly snapped her fingers. "Oh! I forgot, you all were deep in conversation with Lila about her upcoming event with Jagged Stone and Clara Nightengale. You know, the one she said she'd be attending with Ladybug, since they're such good friends. Did she ever say how it went?"

All of the students shifted uneasily, suddenly seeming to refuse to meet her face.

Alix murmured something so barely audible, Marinette held a hand to her ear and leaned closer.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Lila was lying to us!" Alix snapped as her cheeks went a flaming red.

"About everything! She never knew Jagged Stone!" Juleka spat out in fury.

"Or Prince Ali!" Rose sniffled.

"And she wasn't friends with Ladybug? They were barely acquaintances!" Alya wailed out as tears welled up in her eyes.

But Marinette hardly reacted the way they were expecting. She just gave them a small smile and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. I know."

Alya sucked in a breath sharply.

"You knew..? But why did you never..?"

"Oh Alya, you silly forgetful thing. I told you the day she returned from her long 'trip', remember? I told you she was lying." Marinette gave Alya a smile that said 'oh you silly thing'. "But you told me that I should really check my sources. And I got tired of trying to bring up any lies, since that was always your response. So I decided to just stop. I mean, since you're such an inspiring, honest journalist you must double and triple check every source you come across and found every story to be true!"

Alya flinched and looked away, feeling the churning feeling in her gut again. No, the Ladyblog had been the only source for the stories. The. Only. One.

"And I'm sure all of you knew what you were doing! I mean, it makes sense; trusting the words of a complete stranger over someone you've known for a while now. Some of you since we were in diapers!" She focused her gaze on Nino and Kim, who had the grace to at least look ashamed.

"Marinette, you really should-" Adrien began, reaching out for the girl, but was cut off by her clapping her hands together.

"But it's alright! I decided that fighting with you all wasn't worth it, so I took Adrien's advice and took the high road! Don't bother exposing Lila, she isn't hurting anyone!" Marinette announced brightly, giving her hands a little wave.

The temperature in the classroom dropped by several degrees.

".. Adrien, she's kidding, right?" Nino glanced over at his friend, his eyes pleading for him to deny it all. But the sight of the blood draining from the model's face and the sweat starting to bead at his forehead told him everything he needed to know. "Dude.."

"How could you?! You knew this entire time and didn't even try to tell me?!" Alya rounded on Adrien, fury in her eyes.

"Now, now, don't get mad at Adrien. I'm sure he knew you all were going to do you research. Besides, it's not like this did anything bad for anyone." Marinette pressed a hand to her cheek, still grinning. "I mean, it's not like you all took her advice without doing any research. You didn't try the things she suggested without actually checking them out to be true, right? No one lost any scholarships or job opportunities. No one's relationships were ruined. No one was hurt."

The nauseous feeling spread to all of the class as the reality of everything caught up with them.

"I'm sure everything will go back to normal, right? I mean, I'm sure that that woman from the education bureau isn't here to fire Damocles and Bustier for their severe neglect in their duties. Expelling me with the most mediocre and shaky proof. Surely that's a school I should feel safe in! That I should be proud to be a part of. But alas, my preparations for my new school are already done, so oh well."

Marinette shrugged and adjusted her purse strap.

"Anyhow, I wish you all luck with the amazing things Lila has helped you to do! I know it must have been worth ignoring me and convincing me I was crazy. With all of the free time I've had, with you guys practically replacing me with Lila in the group, I've had tons of time to spend with my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?!" Alya's eyes went owlishly wide as she gaped at Marinette. "But what about Adrien?!"

"Oh Alya, I fell out of love with Adrien forever ago." Marinette shook her head in an almost patronizing way that had Alya's cheeks burning with embarrassment. They didn't even pay attention to Adrien's noises of surprise. "I mean, you claimed I was jealous of Lila getting close to Adrien, that I should let the jealousy go. And you know what? You were right! So I decided Adrien wasn't worth the stress, the embarrassment.. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him straight. I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world! Goodness, did I learn my lesson!"

She giggled as if she found the entire thing amusing. She then beamed at the class.

"Well, ta-ta! I need to get back home and make sure everything is ready to go. I wish you all the best, I really do!"

They all watched, shellshocked as Marinette breezed out of the classroom like it was nothing. Like she wasn't leaving her friends, her school, her life behind. And they all would wonder exactly how badly they screwed up, if she could walk away do easily, without a care.

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[fern-thee-otter]

"Do I... know you?"

| m a s t e r l i s t | m a i n m a s t e r l i s t |

characters: Chishiya Shuntaro, Kuina Hikari

genre: fluff. two trans besties meeting each other and bonding over being trans :D [🌸]

word count: 2.3K

tags: @aceofspadegrass @a-simp-20 @hatterstan-shameblog @yui-kuromori @nettlewillow @chishiya-of-diamonds @kuina-the-queen @jess-emurphy @insecxreasalwqys @eddie-the-freak-munson

notes: alright so, this is the very first time I ever wrote about trans characters. I did my very best, with a lot of research and some help from my friend @yui-kuromori (gotta check their blog out, they're awesome) so, I hope there's no problem in what I wrote here. In other words... enjoy :D

tw// mention of tränsphøbia; manga spoilers; mentions of smøking.

*3 years ago*

Kuina sat in an almost empty room waiting for her doctor to arrive. It was the day she would get her sex reassignment surgery. She was both happy and nervous.

Ever since Kuina left her father's dojo, she didn't hear anything from the family, not even from her mother. But she thought it was better like this. Her father wanted her to be the heir of his dojo, but her mom told her that she can leave if she didn't feel like her place was there. Not to mention her dad was both abusive and tränsphøbic.

Her boss let her have some weeks off to recover after the surgery. She was grateful that her boss and her coworkers were supportive.

She looked around the room until her eyes landed on a person that sat in front of her. That person had its face covered so Kuina couldn't see much of their face, and it looked like they were listening to something since they wore earphones.

Not much time passed, and Kuina just realised she was staring at that person for too long when they had a short eye contact.

"Oh, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to look for too-" that person took their earphones off and walked towards her.

"May I sit here?" Kuina just nodded. The person sat right beside her. She kept looking around the room.

"You're quite nervous to be here, aren't ya?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Just curious. First time here?"

"Erm... nope. I've been here quite a few times. How about you?" Kuina hesitated before asking the question. She got curious of the individual beside her. The person only looks at her then tilts their head back to the paintings around the room.

"I'm completing my med student residency in this hospital. One could say I'm already used to this kind of place. However I'm not here for any lessons today." they said. They took a short glance at Kuina's wrist "And I think you're here for the same reason as me". Kuina looked at her wrist again. The person looked at her bracelet (a trans flag beaded one). She looked at the person immediately, realising what they meant.

"Wait... you too?"

"Yep. Name's Chishiya Shuntaro, and I go by he/they." Chishiya streched out their hand to her. Kuina was silent for a moment, but eventually shook it.

"Kuina Hikari. I go by she/her."

"Nice name. So Kuina... what surgery are you here for?" The latter asks. Kuina remains silent. "You know it's ok if you don't want to answer. I just wanted to ask." "No, it's ok. I'm here for a bottom surgery. I'm a bit nervous about it tho. I've read about the possible complications post-surgery, and I just hope it'll be okay. After all, I've got my implants done a long time ago, and nothing happened. But I don't wanna jinx it." she looks at Chishiya "And you?"

"Me? Well, I'm here for a top surgery. Kinda happy that I won't get to wear binders after it. They get a little painful from time to time, you know?" He looks at Kuina with a cheshire-like smirk plastered on his face, before turning around to look at the paintings of the room once again.

"You really like to look at paintings, don't you?" She asks them. "Well, what can I say, some of them have certain meanings. As a child, there was a painting that incinted my curiosity more than anything. The Mona Lisa." "Mona Lisa?" "Yeah. One theory has been said that Da Vinci painted himself as a woman when he created it. I just couldn't help but sense a bit of comfort when hearing that. After all, everyone wants to be seen for who they are, right?"

"You have a point." She said. "Some people don't see it though... like my father. I think he didn't want to accept that I'm not the son he hoped for anymore. He wanted me to heir the dojo, yet called me weak and 'a failure of a man'. I got sick of my parents arguing whenever I was trying my best, but still failing, to meet my father's expectations. My mother however... she was supportive to say the least. She encouraged me to 'nurture my own happiness', as she would say. After coming out, I eventually left the house, and I've never heard of them ever since." The thought of her mother brought a warm smile on her face.

"Wow... your mother seems like a nice person." "She is." Chishiya hums, with a small yet noticeable smile on their lips. "I bet your parents were supportive when you came out to them." Kuina said, while looking at him. However, that smile Chishiya had before, faded away, as she mentioned his parents. Kuina quickly realised the change in their mood. "Oh... did I say something wrong? I'm really sorry, I-" "No... it's alright. Honestly, it's not that my parents weren't supportive... they just didn't care. And not just about coming out. They didn't care about me at all. No matter how much I strived to be the 'golden child', no matter how many good grades I got in school, they didn't give me one single bit of attention. Especially my father. My parents married each other just to secure their current positions at the hospital." the blond explained.

Kuina was shocked. I mean, she's heard of parents neglecting their kids before, but damn, those two neglected their child HIS ENTIRE LIFE? Now that was beyond the definition of stupidity. Kuina hesitated at first, but she put one hand on Chishiya's shoulder.

"It seems like we both have problems with our dads... ironic, ain't it?" Kuina said, "It kinda is, now that I think about it. Honestly, what were the odds for us to have this much in common?" "I don't know. But I'm glad we have." Kuina smiled, Chishiya following her in the action.

"Well, I guess we understand each other in ways that others don't... I think we'd be great friends." Chishiya looked at her, his smile growing. Kuina laughed, and the hand that was on his shouder was now on the other one "You only think? We'd be great friends!" They both laughed, and so they kept on talking about more stuff, until one doctor entered the room.

"Mx. Chishiya Shuntaro?" the doctor asks. "That would be me." Chishiya sat up from their seat. "The operating room is ready. Hope you are as well." "I sure as hell am ready." Chishiya turned to Kuina. "Hope we'll meet again after the surgeries. I haven't had a conversation like this in ages." Kuina slowly nodded, and Chishiya, along with the doctor, left the room. As silence filled the atmosphere once again, Kuina thought of something.

'Fuck, I forgot to give him my phone number.' She instantly remembered, but then she thought that she could do it when they were both in the post-surgery recovery stage. Spoiler alert: She forgot. Again.

*During the Borderlands*

Kuina ran away from the venue of the game she just completed, ending up at the back of the said venue. And to be honest, that 8♧ was one hell of a first game. She sat in there, holding her hands on her hips, trying to catch her breath. Good thing she stopped smoking after reuniting with her mother, otherwise she could've been dead.

"You were pretty good, given all the things that happened in there." She turned to see another survivor of that game. "Yeah, you weren't so bad either." That person took off their hood, revealing long white locks falling to their shoulders. Kuina squinted her eyes a little. Something about that person seemed familiar to her. Was it the mole under their left eye? The eyes? Perhaps the smirk they had plastered on their face, that looked almost like the one the Cheshire Cat had everytime in the movie she saw when she was little.

"Excuse me." "Hm?" the person stopped in their tracks and turned their head in her direction. "Is your name perhaps... Chishiya Shuntaro?" their face became just as white as their hair for a mere second. "How... did you find it out?" the latter asked. She smiled genuinely. "Damn... you really changed your looks since we last saw each other." Chishiya sat in silence for a couple of seconds, before replying to her. "So did you, Kuina." "Indeed. But, if you don't mind me asking, what is this place?" Kuina changed the subject.

"I guess you're a newcomer." "Newcomer? How long you've been here?" "About 2 weeks or so." "Okay but... what the fuck was that thing we've been going through? Cuz I sure as hell wouldn't call it a 'game'." "Well, that hell you and I had just been through was one of the games of the Borderlands." "Borderlands?" "Yep. Basically, in here, you're forced to play some games in order to survive. And you're given a visa with days to stay in here. Expiration of visa leads to death by laser, and as I mentioned earlier, you play games and if you win you receive more days on your visa. If you lose the game however... then it's Game Over for you." "And by 'Game Over', you mean..." "You saw those people too, didn't you?" He reffered to some of the players that died during the game. She sighs before nodding. Seeing someone die in front of your eyes is something really hard to stomach, especially when that's also the first time you see someone die in real life in a horrendous way.

"Good. I have a question for you tho: have you ever heard of 'The Beach'?" Chishiya asked her. By the looks on their face and the tone of their voice, he seemed a bit excited about this. "The Beach? Who hasn't been to a beach before?" Kuina thought Chishiya was delusional. I mean sure, the idea of a beach sounds good: swimming in the ocean, laying down to relax and any other stuff people do at a normal beach, but why would they think of a beach when they're literally in the middle of the fucking apocalypse. Well, she let him be. After all, she could only guess they were in a state of delusion.

"Oh no, not any beach. The Beach. Apparently, they're an organization that gathers lots of players together in order to collect all these cards." He pauses, before showing her the little deck of cards he collected so far. "And by the informations I gathered so far, they seem to know something about what this place is." Chishiya looks away, and points to a hotel that still had its lights on, in the middle of a fucking lake (or sea). "That's The Beach?" "Yep. I followed some players before, that all had some sort of locker keys around their wrists. Boy, they were fast though. Luckily, I managed to follow their route from a high building with the help of some high quality binoculars." "That sounds good. And what exactly are you planning?" She asks them. "I plan to infiltrate in there tomorrow, and steal all the cards they collected, when the time is right. Rumor has it that once the whole deck is completed, you can return to the original world. And I want to see if it's true or not." "Sounds cool. I think I'll join you as well." Kuina told them. "Sure. I mean, you're pretty skilled, so I think that the games should be no problem for you. And you can be a good helping hand so, I don't see where would the problem be." "Cool." "Okay, now that we're settled, let's go and get some rest. Tomorrow is a big day." Chishiya walked away, and Kuina followed him. "Wait, where are you going?" "Somewhere to rest. A.K.A., my apartment. You can follow me if you want to. I think I have an extra mattress you can sleep on." "Alright." and so, the two walked around the streets of the ghost city Tokyo has now become, until reaching Chishiya's apartment.

*After the Borderlands*

It has been two weeks since the comet crash happened. Chishiya was sitting in a hospital bed and looking at the ceiling, a lot of thoughts running on his mind. Like 'How come my heartbeat came back after regaining consciousness that day?', 'How did I end up here anyways? I remember I was just sleeping and suddenly I ended up at the hospital?', etc. He held one hand on his abdominal zone, where, according to doctors, he got injured. They got injured in the left shoulder as well, but it didn't hurt as much as the aforementoned zone did. He decided to take a little walk outside the hospital courtyard. He got a little fed up with their roommate's coughing anyways. Walking down the halls, they met some nurses, and reassured them that he can go for a walk on their own. Once he got outside, he saw a lot of people chatting. They were all talking about how lucky they were that they survived, and doing other activities. Seeing them happy, somehow made Chishiya realise that maybe life has its good things as well. Ever since the incident happened, they were thinking about how they wasted all their life by trying to get even the slightest bit of attention from their parents. Especially from his father, who always sat down watching on his monitor, surrounded by piles of books. 'I guess this is a new start, Shuntaro.' he said to themselves. When he was about to go back, their eyes landed on two persons: an old lady, sitting on a wheelchair, and a younger woman behind her, presumably her daughter. The young one had her hair in long, numerous braids, and had a bandaged arm. Chishiya saw them coming toward his direction. And when they were in front of each other, the younger woman stopped. The older lady was confused, but then she looked towards Chishiya, who was looking at Kuina. Chishiya felt like there was something familiar about her. So, they decided to break the silence.

"Do I... know you?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

also on wattpad

[hadeskitchen]

Happy New Year!!

Wishing you all the best as 2022 begins💜

As many other writers have done today, I decided to summarize a bit of what I've done this year and share some of my feelings/thoughts about moving forward.

TLDR: Thank you. You're all lovely. I've got big plans for the new year and feel like I've accomplished a solid amount. I also feel like I'm in a good headspace for the first time in a long time and that's mostly thanks to you all. So, thank you! Here's to a better year!

Full summary, plans, and thoughts under the cut!

So, I found the IF community in early October (see here and here) and since then:

I've written over 42,000 words of Hades' Kitchen material (about 75% is the demo, the rest is research and notes, etc.)

I've written and released Hades' Guide (currently just under 30,000 words), which was a truly terrifying experience since it was the first big writing project I've published

I've grown very comfortable with Twine and learned basic JavaScript and CSS (click here for some insight into how I did that; answer: weirdly)

I made progress on two of my other projects (The "Secret IF" and The Summit)

I've written 288 (now 289) Tumblr posts and recently went through and reorganized, reviewed, and revised all of them (here are some of my personal favorites)

I've written several short stories, many of which shall be released in January (find the released ones here, here, and here)

Made some pinterest boards, picrews, aesthetics, and a kinda weird combined Spotify playlist for the characters (don't worry, individual ones are coming)

Some other more personal accomplishments:

I realized I'm genderfluid (x)

I started therapy

I made some new friends

I finished my semester with high marks

Now here are some of my goals for 2022:

and for once, I'm gonna try to make them "realistic"

Publish the demo for Hades' Kitchen

Publish the demo for Zorlok (aka The Secret IF)

Finish Hades' Guide

Publish a tutorial template (and maybe a style template) for Sugarcube

Participate in Interact-if's game jam, though I'm undecided if I'll do the ranked or unranked jam (Or both? No, remember, Albie, realistic!)

UPDATE: I'm competing in the ranked jam, to learn more about the game or follow it's development, check out the Mousetrap blog!

Release the remaining short stories

Commission an artist to make cast portraits (I have low hopes that I'll do them well myself 😅)

Be kinder to myself and try not to despair and spiral quite so much

I don't think you need me to tell you that 2021 was a really shit year (if you do, wow, I have terrible news...). There were stretches of time that I really struggled to get through, where my depression, anxiety, and/or apathy felt overwhelming and all-consuming. But in spite of all that - and despite everything that was 2021 - for the first time in a long time I feel like I'm leaving this year in a better mental position than I was entering it, and I honestly owe a lot of that to you.

Discovering the IF community has drastically improved my mental health/quality of life and I genuinely don't know how to convey just how thankful I am for that. I feel so lucky. Everyone I've interacted with on here has been so lovely and kind and I never would have dreamed that there'd be so much support for my creative projects. Thank you (yes, I know I'm a broken record at this point, but my gratitude cannot and will not be stopped). I look forward to creating more content for and with you, seeing everyone's incredible work, and getting to know even more people.

So, here's to a new year!! (I think it's our turn to kick its ass 😁)

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

okay so there is a massive fucking dilemma about when the play that goes wrong is set. (obviously, for the sake of just going and watching the show, it really does not matter. but it matters a lot to me personally, as someone who enjoys creating a cornley timeline in their spare time, so i will be overanalysing everything to the ends of the earth. godbless).

SO. here's my breakdown of all the things we know about when tptgw is. my goal is to make as many different pieces of lore fit as possible, but if in the end i get really desperately stuck, i am willing to say "hey this just messes eveything up" and get rid of it. also worth saying that all of this is literally just a direct stream of consciousness of me trying to figure it out for myself, so really, you're just coming along for the journey. therefore, if all of this is complete gibberish, apologies, i tried my best.

in the bbc peter pan goes wrong, trevor says that he's been the stage manager for cornley for about 5 years

this means it has to have been about 5 years since tptgw, since trevor wasn't the stage manager in this show. he only became stage manager when annie quit after tptgw. bbc ppgw aired on 31st december 2016. this means that tptgw has to be late 2011/early 2012. what qualifies as this depends on how relaxed you believe trevor's definition of "about 5 years" is.

in the tptgw program, the next item in the list of "upcoming cornley productions and events" is stated to be 13-17 january

this places tptgw as late one year or very early the next. this could support the above theory of being late 2011/early 2012, probably december or january.

in the tptgw script, chris welcomes the audience to the cornley polytechnic drama society's spring production of the murder at haversham manor.

this line is often omitted in stage performances given that tptgw is now performed throughout the entire year, but in both the 2nd and 3rd editions of the script, chris states that the production is taking place in spring — aka march, april or may. this obviously does not support the previous ideas about december/january. HOWEVER, if you're really willing to push it, here's an idea to make it work. this is just purely based off of my research of the british education system, so if i'm incorrect on any of this, i can only apologise and tell you that i've literally done my absolute best. also some of this info may seem basic to my british mutuals, but it was a lot to learn for me and therefore i will talk about it as if none of you know this.

so in england, the school year is broken into three terms — autumn, spring and summer. these are approximately broken up as so:

now as you may notice, the spring term actually starts in early january. when specifically in early january? i'm so glad you asked. in the 2011/2012 school year, aka our current hypothesis about when tptgw takes place, this is an overview of when the terms start and finish:

(this calendar, as stated, is specific to central bedfordshire, but i checked multiple different sources from multiple different universities and governments, and they're all about the exact same dates as this one. i've just chosen this particular one because it's easier for me to visualise it in this nice calendar form, rather than just being told the dates.)

so, the spring term in 2012 starts approximately on the 4th of january. this means that, potentially, tptgw could take place very early january, before the 13th when waiting for godot starts, while still being part of the spring academic term, and therefore, technically, a "spring production". while this does work on a technical level, i'm not a huge fan of this, purely because by "spring production" i envision it being a production they developed over the spring term, and then actually performed later in the term (eg march). it feels a bit weird for their "spring production" to kick off in the first of second week of the term. there ARE explanations for this. my best one is that after receiving max's donation later the previous year, chris managed to get them into the west end, and then worked the society throughout the holidays to get it ready by the very start of the next term. but then the phrasing of "spring production" feels weird, because it's not really a spring production anymore, because it's on the west end and now outside of the academic calendar.

the other way to get rid of this issue is to just discount either the spring production information or the upcoming events information. if you get rid of the spring production lore, you can easily just go back to having it in december 2011/january 2012 without the stress of trying to justify why chris calls it that. if you write off the upcoming events as some sort of mistake someone makes while creating the program (eg. copying and pasting the information, like i originally suggested), then you could easily say that tptgw was later in the spring term, like around march (which also just officially puts it in spring anyway), while still being early enough in the year for it to have been "almost 5 years" since trevor became the stage manager.

so that's that then? issue solved? unfortunately, no, because only today, i looked into a piece of lore i had overlooked.

in the tptgw program, cornley stole a review from the evening standard about the donmar warehouse's all female production of julius caesar, and pretended it was about their (presumably recent) production of hamlet.

now, for this to make sense, tptgw has to have taken place after this particular production ran and this review was written. wanna know when this is?

fucking 2013. immediate spanner in the works.

so then. how do we reconcile this. the biggest issue is obviously trevor's five year line, as if tptgw is in 2013, that leads to being about four years, at the most. so that's obviously a problem. but then, i got thinking. is it canon anywhere that tptgw is trevor's first show with the society? i think the "just doing it to get his electronics module" idea made me (and everyone else) automatically assume that it's his first show, but there's a possibility that he could have been involved in previous productions. obviously he wasn't the stage manager until after tptgw, but the possibilities are that:

he did some sort as an asm and therefore can claim he's been stage managing cornley for 5 years

he was still doing lighting and sound previously, but as we see in tptgw, he gets quite involved in stage stuff anyway, so maybe he just considered himself a stage manager there anyway.

so my running theory is that trevor was involved in the cpds during 2012, but then maybe left for a bit (maybe after a falling out with chris or something like that). then, he rejoined in tptgw to get the credits for his module in early 2013, and then stuck with them (obviously). as i said, i don't think there's much that could contradict trevor previously working in shows. the only one i can think of is this from the ppgw program:

which implies that tptgw was his first. however, i was already not particularly keen on accepting this as canon, just because, based on the amount of time between tptgw and ppgw, and based on the five years line, it would be weird for him NOT to be in shows in between. i haven't figured out exactly how to justify this, but it's one of those things that i just cannot accept as true. so we're ignoring it or finding an explanation for it (but later) and moving on!

so then. tptgw has to be after 11th january 2013 (when the evening standard review came out). this makes it hard to believe that tptgw took place before waiting for godot (13-17th january) because that leaves a two day gap for that program to be made. so i think we can safely decide that that particular piece of lore will have to be justified as a mistake that cornley themselves made in the program.

the spring production information actually fits very well with this new timeline, as it's a decent enough time apart that realistically, cornley could have found the review, pretended it was for hamlet, and then put it in the tptgw program. and then also, as i said, makes the timeline of the school term more realistic. they could have worked on tptgw all term as one of their spring productions (because with the number of shows we have listed as them doing, there must be several shows per term) before making it onto the west end. so, if we look at the 2012/2013 academic year calendar:

(this one is from brighton & hove city council, but once again, i checked multiple sources and this is the same as most others).

the spring term starts 7th january and goes until 28th march. therefore, i think it's reasonable to place tptgw as early march, since that puts in late in the term (giving them time to actually prepare the show, while also placing it in an actual month of spring).

SO, to sum up: i am placing tptgw as march 2013. the "upcoming cornley events" thing was an outdated copy of it that was placed in the program accidentally. trevor, while only officially gaining the position of "stage manager" after tptgw, previously worked with the cpds in roles that he considers to be enough to make him a "cornley stage manager" for about five years.

if you've made it this far, you're either as insane as i am (🤝) or you're a very loyal mutual (ily mwah). if anyone has any alternative ideas, theories, or suggestions, or you just want to tell me to get a life, my askbox and comments are open. remember, this is just my personal interpretation, and you do not have to agree with a single thing i said if you don't want to. canon is a construct. time is a construct. you can do whatever you want all the time. peace and love <3

me, literally only 8 hours ago: oh yeah cornley lore is flexible, you can make whatever work.

me right this second, trying to decipher this fucking timeline: if i don't make all of this make sense together i will literally combust.

[saintobio]

saint ;-;

i opened the finale of sn with a heavy heart only to read your additional notes and end up with a heavier heart. does this mean you're done writing? on another note, this finale truly broke me to pieces. i'm at a loss of words yet again. thank you so much for all the hard work and dedication you've put into making sn and the rest of your series. you have touched my heart time and time again and i can never thank you enough for helping me get through tough times through your writing (even if we've never directly spoken).

much love, 😔

Anonymous said

Ok, I haven't even read the chapter yet, just your author's note and when I saw how you signed it too, ahhh I never wanted to give someone a virtual hug so badly!! Your writing is beautiful and you always went the extra mile for us with all the research and everything! I really hope you enjoyed this journey as much as we did🥰

Anonymous said

Did I cry a lil reading your additional note on the finale? Yes, yes I did.

Saint, I absolutely adore your writing. Better than actually published stories I've read. Your writing is so fluent and overall stunning. I love it.

Saint, I wish you the best in everything you do. I don't know you personally, but I genuinely believe that good things will come your way.

Loved Sincerely Not, and can't wait to see you in the sequel.

With love and adoration,

anonymous

awww thank you :’) i knew it was the perfect opportunity to sign off using ‘sincerely yours’ hhhh and i’m rly glad to have u guys on this journey. s2 is here now, and i hope you’ll enjoy it too <3

Anonymous said

Saint, people may have mixed feelings and different opinions about how the story is, but I want u to know that I enjoyed it so much 💜😭no matter how much I may disagree with any of the characters, the story is amazing and I’m so grateful for this amazing experience 💜thank you for this masterpiece! Pls rest well, enjoy your well-deserved break, and we’ll be waiting for your return! ✨Congrats for finishing SN1!! 🎉

Anonymous said

Hey Saint,

Just wanna say that I love your writing!

I know that after this chapter a lot of people are going to give you their opinion on how you are choosing to navigate the story/ plot. But I want you to know that I as a simple bystander am simply here for the ride. I support all your plot twist and trust your process of story telling. I can’t wait for SN2! Thank you for this masterpiece! Rest and take care of yourself on your weeks off! You deserve it!

that’s ok !! like i said in the prev ask, people’s opinions will vary depending on who’s perspective they’re looking at. anyway, thanks sm for being so sweet and for generally trusting my process <33

Anonymous said

Genuinely thank you so much for writing this series!!It gave me and probably a lot of others something to look forward to for the past few months. I had no idea how attached I’d get to the series. I just wanted to ask a few other questions.

What happened to Toji and the Ballerina 👀

Since Toji helped to raise Y/N’s child won’t it be especially painful for him when YN inevitably chooses Gojo since he’ll essentially lose a child he helped raise.

I completely understand where Y/N was coming from when she hid her pregnancy from Gojo. But also 3 years, when a child develops sm and everyone agreed to keep the information from Gojo. Although I was one of the ppl that really wanted Gojo to receive his karma I don’t quite understand why YN did that considering that who Gojo was as a husband is separate from who he’d be as a father. I understand 1 year to get away from the chaos but 3? Why? Also who knew? Ieri? Gojos mom?

Sorry if most of these will be revealed in S2! Thank you again!

ty very much <33 toji and ballerina remain just friends, and he had lesser contact w her ever since he got with yn :) and to ur other question, it’ll be painful for him but he also knows and respects his boundaries esp the fact that sachiro rly isn’t his child.

Anonymous said

kinda irrelevant rn but I've gots to ask this!! What's your opinion on Sera and her relationship with gojo?

I personally think they weren't in love with each other at all. Sera liked the good, healthy, happy and perfect parts of gojo, bec she rarely saw him in the kind of situations that y/n did, and she was hellbent on thinking that her relationship with him is the only good thing going on in her life, so ofc she held on to that idea of a perfect man (that gojo definitely was not) And gojo oof I rlly think that he just used Sera to piss off his dad, and eventually just got used to her company??? and just kept her around bec subconsciously it gave him some sense of control over his own life and decisions (which were otherwise dictated by his father) and ofc it helps that she was an attractive woman. SOOO PLS TELL ME YOUR OPINION ON HER!!

I started feeling particularly bad for her, bec I can really understand where she's coming from. Yeah she was extremely unpleasant at times and had serious issues, but I can't find it in myself to really blame her :(( she was done wrong by gojo. both her and y/n. they deserved better. I think this is why I still don't particularly feel sympathy towards gojo, Idk it's all his karma catching up to him in my opinion 😭🙏🏻

i always think that their relationship was toxic. she didn’t care for him more than having this image of a ‘perfect rich man’ while gojo’s love for her had always been strictly physical. sera has many flaws as a character, but that’s what makes her human. she leaves you conflicted on whether you should stay mad at her or if you should feel bad bc of her struggles in life :) all in all, her character is complex and will be judged from different lenses. personally, if i was yn, i think sera has learned her lesson and that’s enough for me to forgive, but not exactly forget ykwim?

Anonymous said

Miss y/n doesn’t sound very convinced about her second wedding huh… I wonder if she would have had that same reaction if Satoru had not showed up. Idk about y/n but I’m about to run to that altar and marry Toji myself at this point. Anyways I feel really bad for Satoru and I hope he can heal himself rather than be healed by y/n. I know eventually he’ll have to face her again about the whole fake abortion and hiding their baby thing, but for that to happen, I hope he can at least be levelheaded or else the child will be the one suffering with an unstable father. If he’s bound to end up with y/n at the end of the story, I just hope he can find peace within himself first and that y/n doesn’t go all “I can fix him”. But I trust you Saint, I know you’ll deliver the good drama and the craziest plot twists. I truly can’t wait for season 2 and all the new characters we’ll get to see. I’m most excited for mr sukuna and how he’ll be introduced to the story 😗

yes exactly, the best way to deal with the storm is once he’s levelheaded, but we’ll see 🥺

[thoughtsonhurtandcomfort]

I've been wanting to get a tattoo for quite some time. I plan to find a place that accepts cash because I kinda have to hide it from someone. Also, I have deep hyperfixations, so I'm terrified as soon as I get it I'll instantly regret it. How did you sit with yours/decide it was time to commit? Appreciate it.

For starters I didn't rush into it...i've casually wanted tattoos for years but it wasn't a priority or i didn't feel ready...then one day my friend asked me to go to a nerdy flash sale an artist was holding, just as support while she got her first tattoo. I literally decided in the car on the way there that fuck it, I was gonna get one too. It's one of the most spontaneous things I've ever done which felt like a big step on a personal level, LOL.

I can also hyperfixate and get anxious about things, I definitely considered that I might regret it, but I didn't. Maybe I was just finally ready, maybe it was because it was a scary transitional point in my life at the time and getting Mjolnir on my thigh permanently felt like the LEAST scary thing going on. At least that was one thing I could control. For me it felt right, maybe a time will come for you when it feels right. Or when you just say "fuck it".

And, well. It helps that I'm a little bit of a "comforting nihilism" type. People go on about how tattoos are permanent but actually NOTHING is permanent! Life is short and weird and scary and I've decided that I want pretty pictures on my skin to be part of it. It helped when I let go of the notion of everything having to Mean Something, too. It's ok to just...get something because it looks neat.

I do have one that I ""regret"" but not really. I got this little flowery design on the side of my stomach like, two or three days before everything started shutting down last March. The guy that did them does beautiful black&white work but isn't so great at color, and there were some missed spots and places where the color kinda blurs with the outline. It's messy and imperfect and because of lockdown I never got a chance to go back and have it touched up. Maybe someday I will, or maybe I'll have things added to it to fancy it up. Or maybe I'll just keep it as is to remind me of a year that was messy and imperfect.

Once I got the first one I was hooked and it felt like, well, why not get more, I love this. If I had the money I'd have three times as many. Other people I know got one and were done. The biggest 'commitment' so far was the flowers on my shoulder blade i mentioned in a previous post. That was my first scheduled appointment for a custom piece that was a few hundred dollars, not just a walk-in pick an image off a sheet. That one took extra research, a lot of thought, saving, and working up the nerve to call. The very opposite of spontaneous. So worth it though. :)

Some things that you can do to just get comfortable with the idea before you jump:

-follow tattoo artists on instagram! it can give you a sense of what you like and honestly it's just fun to see what other people get.

-watch youtube videos. i watched some where artists talked about the industry & their styles and stuff

-go with a friend who is getting a tattoo done so you can get a feel for the environment, equipment, etc.

-research is your best friend, whether it's learning about the process itself or reading reviews to find out who in your area is reputable.

Sorry this got so rambly. :') I'm far from an expert, all I can give you is my point of view from my limited experience. But I hope it helps!! Don't push yourself or rush. I think if it's something you want to do, you'll know. Being nervous is normal but if you're stressing a ton over it it's okay to wait. My aunt got her first tattoo at 60!

Whatever you choose I hope it brings you joy!