#So I went down a research rabbit hole and I came out of it with a clear concept for what Amonea Montessori School should feel like!
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Cannot sleep :/
#just pav things#lying awake here with Inigo meta thoughts#specifically the nuances of why he never intervened when Archie and Dism were fighting#He is torn between these two ideas of reality— whether Archie is dead or alive. That is true.#But eventually the latter idea takes more of a foothold; which is just a recipe for mental disarray#It’s a break from the comfortable cycle of self-hatred and destruction. So this new thought has to be counteracted to maintain inertia#So as I understand it he’s now caught on those lingering feelings of abandonment that Archie has left him with. and he is Not Happy.#Because just as he interpreted himself as being a replacement for Dism#He’s interpreting Archie and his little motley crew as a further refusal to move on from the past#And because Inigo acts on impulse (as seen best with the 💥 arm getting blown off) he’s using that momentary anger#to distract himself from the core issue as he lashes out ✨#He’s kind of a hypocrite that one. Stresses the importance of embracing unpleasant memories as a fundamental part of your character#(To the point of berating Idyllia for going the total memory wipe route instead)#but he is ALSO an escapist at heart. Neither of them want their definition of pain so they both have terrible routines to try avoiding it ✌#I’m sorry if this made no sense Dolphin I will probably do a retake with more braincells in the next few days#You know I’ve been analysing the design of this kindergarten in sydney for VCD#It’s called Nubo. Now I’ve always had a fondness for Scandinavian aesthetics but this is PEAK#So I went down a research rabbit hole and I came out of it with a clear concept for what Amonea Montessori School should feel like!#It’s this sort of cross-concept between stereotypical Australian architecture and hygge#Those oak panels and muted colours and glass everywhere#And I can carry through to an overall unique visual identity for Amonea#After all Byrgir should feel similarly detached from Earth in it’s own subtle ways#Tapping more into solarpunk and that overall comforting feeling for Amonea in particular~#I’m so happy :D
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Good things come in small packages
Part 1 | Part 2
Pairing: Mini Han x fem reader
Synopsis: One year ago you purchased a ‘miniature companion’ named Hannie. He’s the size of a Ken doll but alive and horny. But something unexpected happens on your one year anniversary.
Word count: approx 2k
A/n: Hey!!! It's finally here! My Mini Han oneshot (posted in a couple of instalments because I get too excited to share). The idea for Mini Han was born through a conversation with my girl @noellllslut (we always have the most unhinged thoughts). Then I wrote a little "imagining" here (which I’ve incorporated into this fic anyway, so you don’t have to read), which then sparked quite a bit curiosity amongst you sweet/filthy readers. Questions came, and I felt compelled to explore more of this theme.
I hope you enjoy this little fic. It's sweet and smutty, and as I kept writing, I fell in love with our dear y/n and Mini Hannie. I want one for myself tbh.
CW below the cut
CW: supernatural themes, oral sex, sexual acts, sexual themes, voyeurism
You've had your miniature human, Hannie, for almost a year?! You realize, sitting at your work desk as you look at your desktop calendar. You smile and make a note to organize a celebration for just the two of you, and to buy a cheesecake for dessert. Hannie loves cheesecake. Your smile grows. He always manages to get it all over him, then wants to get it all over you so he can lick it off you.
One year this coming weekend. It feels like time has flown, yet at the same time it feels like he’s been part of your life forever. Your heart bursts as you think back to how it all came to be.
You had been lonely. You'd broken up with your long term boyfriend and was feeling sad one night. So you went online to doom scroll, and online shop. You expected you'd end up down a rabbit hole of cat memes and be $500 down in shoe purchases, but instead an ad appeared on your screen.
"Miniature human companions" it said, with images of very attractive men. Miniature men. Were they human? Couldn't be. Were they robots? Probably. They must be really expensive to make which is why they are so small, you'd decided.
You were intrigued, so you researched the company, finding that this new type of 'companion' utilizes cutting edge technology that simulates actual human behavior and bodily functions.
By 4am you'd chosen your companion. His name was Han. He was adorable and attractive, with fluffy black hair and pouty lips, and from the personality trait notes, he sounded like a lot of fun.
"Pay Now". You can still remember the feeling of excitement that ran through you as hit the button to complete your purchase.
When he arrived, he came in a box with air holes, which you found kind of weird considering he didn't actually breathe oxygen. You set the box on your kitchen table, took a deep breath and lifted the lid. You gasped as you peered inside.
A little man, about the size of a Ken doll, sat on a blanket eating miniature crisps out of a miniature chip bag.
"Oh hello!" he looked up at you. "Are you my Noona?" he waved excitedly.
Holy fucking shit. You almost fainted as you stumbled to sit down on a dining chair.
You knew he was meant to talk, but he just seemed so real as he chewed his food then licked the seasoning off his lips like he could actually taste it. His little chest moved with his breath, like he was really breathing. Could he do everything a human can do? You wondered.
"My name’s Hannie." He said standing up and brushing the crumbs off his trousers.
"Um...I-I'm Y/n..." you stuttered, trying to process what you were witnessing,
"You're really pretty, Y/n." He beamed up at you with a gummy grin.
You prepared him a little space of his own, with a makeshift bed, clothing that you had also ordered from the company you purchased him from, and bought a set of Barbie sized cups, plates and furniture. You even bought him a Barbie Dreamhouse to live in, but he preferred to just climb up your full sized furniture and use that.
You studied the information manual that came with him and learned that he could in fact, experience life just as a human did. He needed to eat, sleep, wash, poop. Oh and he could get erections and ejaculate. Wow!
Over the next weeks and months you'd gotten yourselves into a routine, and became really close. He was your best friend. You did everything together, mostly staying at home. You assumed he was some sort of AI, and that's why you got along so well, but the longer he was with you, the more his own interests came to the surface. Like singing and Anime.
He helped you bake, often getting himself covered in flour and other ingredients. You'd watch movies together. Most nights you'd lay on the couch and he'd lay face down on your chest while you watched your favorites. Sometimes you'd feel him get hard against the curve of your breast, and you'd think inappropriate thoughts about him. You'd grow wet between your legs and wish he was able to touch you.
He loved it when you’d brush his hair with a tiny little hairbrush and sit him on your benchtop in the bathroom when you’re getting ready for the day. You know he loved it when you forgot he was there one time and you took a shower in front of him. He got so hard watching you soap up your body.
Sometimes you'd take him out on a picnic somewhere secluded near the ocean so he could freely move about the picnic blanket without fear of being seen. Or he'd sneak into your work bag and scare the shit out of you when you were working.
In the early days, you'd occasionally go on dates with actual men. Mostly to take your mind of your growing feelings for Hannie. You'd bring them home and fuck them in your bed, knowing he was somewhere watching, listening. You'd imagine him getting hard from your noises, and it made you moan even louder just picturing it. You'd imagine it was Hannie inside you too, pounding hard into your cunt, and making you come on his cock.
He was distant with you in the days after. He’d sit around sulking and pouting.
"What's wrong, Hannie?" You asked him after he’d ignored you for three days.
"Noona... it's just…I get so jealous of them." He burst into tears. "I want to do things like that to you. I want to the be the one who makes you come." He sobbed.
Things changed after that. You no longer went out with other men, and you and your miniature companion began to explore a more physical, more sexual, relationship.
From letting you see each other naked, to mutual masturbation, to eventually touching each other and making each other come.
You soon learned that even though Hannie is small, he is extremely talented with his mouth, and he can make you come harder than anyone had ever before.
One morning he noticed that you were still asleep, and very naked. The way you were laying, legs splayed out looked so inviting to him. You’d kicked your blanket off at some point. He couldn’t help himself.
You woke up to a sensation between your legs, and when you looked down you saw him kneeling between your your legs, using his arms to push your pussy lips open and doing his very best to lap at your clit.
“Hannie?” You whimpered. He stopped for a moment to stand up and wave at you, the entire front of his body dripping with your arousal. “I’ve just found my favorite thing to do!” He said enthusiastically and then he was back to being buried against your pussy.
These days, at night time he’ll climb up onto your chest while you’re lying in bed watching videos on your phone. He still loves to nestle against the bulge of your breasts, especially if you’re in a loose satin camisole, and he’ll slide himself under the fabric.
“What do you want to watch, Hannie?” You’ll ask him.
“Porn!” He’ll answer excitedly. The phone is like a giant screen to him and it’s never long before you feel him shimmying his clothes off and rubbing his little swollen erection against your skin.
He’s such a desperate little thing that you let him do whatever he needs to get himself off. Often, he’ll rub his cock along your bottom lip while he humps your tits, or he’ll scramble to suck on your nipple. He does his best to stretch his mouth around it, while he grinds against you and cumming on your soft skin. Then he’ll pass out right there. Poor little tyke gets himself tired.
Some of the kinkier things he gets you to do include tying him up and edging him until his cock becomes so painfully red and engorged that he’s crying. His naked body is delicious to look at, and you love to run the pad of your index finger over his muscles. He’s perfectly toned, his skin honey brown, and his cock is mouth-wateringly big for his frame.
He’s rendered helpless as you stroke your finger gently up and down his body. Then, using the tip of your tongue, you lick his cock carefully whilst shoving your pinky finger into his mouth.
There are times when you’ll dress up in lingerie covered in buckles and straps and he’ll climb up your body like he’s doing some kind of adventure hike. He gets so sweaty and very hard as he explores the terrain of your body.
He really is the perfect companion.
You are broken from your thoughts by your alarm signaling it's time to go home from work, and you hurry home to see your Hannie.
_____________
"Fuck! Hannie! Please... need to come...need one more...please. Don't stop." You pant. It's later that evening, and you're on the verge of your third orgasm with Hannie between your thighs sucking expertly on your clit. He's got your lips spread open as far as he can manage, and he's grinding against your core seeking his own release. Inside your pussy you've got your vibrator egg on full intensity. "Yes!!! Yes...coming!!!" You cry as you arch off the bed as you come all over him.
He quickly climbs up your body, almost slipping off because he’s covered in so much of your cream, and kneels on your chest to pump his cock until he’s spurting cum onto your tongue.
“Tastes so good, Hannie.” You show him your empty tongue, but he’s already collapsed across your body.
You clean him up and put him in his striped pajamas, before you both nestle into bed. You’re used to him sleeping on the pillow next to you now, although it took you a while to stop worrying you’d roll on him in the night.
“Noona? Did you know that tomorrow it’ll be one year since I came here?” He says sleepily.
You roll onto your side and smile. “Yes, actually I do, honey. Have a think about what you’d like to do to celebrate, okay. Anything you want."
He nods. “Yeah, I’ll think about it. But just so you know, it’ll involve me being buried in your pussy.”
————-
Han laid back on the pillow. What would he like to do to celebrate? He’d love to celebrate by being inside you. Properly. Fully.
He wishes he could do the things he'd seen those men you’d do to you all those months ago. To pin your legs up and fuck you so hard the bed would shake. He takes his mind back to when he’d hide on your shelf and watch, fucking into his hand and holding back tears of despair.
What would it be like to bend you over and fuck you from behind? What would it even be like to fuck you at all? He wants to know so bad.
But he does have a special relationship with you, he supposes. Not every guy has to stretch his mouth around a nipple or clit like he has to. Can those men be covered head to toe in your juices? Or lay completely across the bulge of your boob. No. They can’t. Only he can.
He pouts to himself.
He knows he’s got it good, you are his everything. But as he lays on the pillow next you and closes his eyes, he wonders if he’s enough for you? Could you give up real men forever, with real sized cocks that can stretch you out and fill you deep? Would you be okay with never having a boyfriend you could take out in public, or take to family events, or be seen with?
Could you settle for him? A miniature version of a man?
He sighs. "Goodnight, Noona. Love you." He whispers as he leans over and gives your giant lips a kiss.
"Goodnight, my sweet Hannie. I love you too." you reply sleepily.
As he drifts off to sleep he wishes what he always wishes. That he could be human sized and be with you like a proper human.
-----------
The morning sun peeks through your window, landing on your face and causing you to stir. You groan and try to stretch, but a heaviness across your middle keeps you in place. You peer down to find a man's arm wrapped around you, snuggling you tight.
Fear courses through your body, and you scream as you fling the arm off and jump out bed. You grab your lamp, ready to hit the intruder.
"Noona?" The man lifts his head, his dark locks falling around his face.
Your eyes almost pop out of your head when you see the confused look on his face. "Hannie!?" You choke, hands poised to strike.
"Noona? What are you doing?" he peers down at the pillow his head had been resting on, and then down the bed toward his feet. "Why is your bed so small?"
"Hannie?" You whisper, lowering the lamp, letting it drop to the floor.
"Why is everything so small? Wait. Why am I naked? Noona, have you been playing with me in my sleep?" He looks up at you confused and worried. "Noona, why are you looking at me like that?"
His eyes land on his pajamas, torn to shreds next to him. He picks up the scrap of fabric that was his pajama top, and his eyes widen. "Why are my clothes so tiny?"
"Hannie," you take in the man before you, naked and taking up most of the bed. "You're big."
To be continued…
@channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @3rachasdomesticbanana @palindrome969 @xxkissesforchanniexx @chuuchuu1224 @fun-fanfics @rhonnie23 @jisunglyricist @strayywayy @armystay89 @igetcarriedawaywithyou @mylittleponeypinkrosieposie @kyunchoni @justforreaders @melochacco @scenuniverse @oddracha @ismokeeweed @galaxycatdrawz @jiminssluttyminx @teddy-stay @kayleefriedchicken @imperfectlyperfectprincess1
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How We Fall For People Like James Somerton
We're all joking, but this James Somerton thing has me really fucked up.
I wasn't a huge fan of James. I saw a few of his videos and liked them. In the ones I saw he was calm and explained things straightforwardly and even the one or two times he said things against white women...well, that's language I've been seeing on Tumblr since I joined back in my tweenage years. I thought it was just a dismissive joke pointing out a frank reality.
I didn't watch him too much. Just a few videos. I kept meaning to watch more, but I didn't because sometimes I wanted something easier. But I regarded him sell because of how informed he seemed.
And that's the thing, isn't it? He SEEMED informed. He spoke confidently and sometimes quoted queer sounding articles and I trusted him blindly. And why? Because he was giving me information that SEEMED well researched.
Illumanaughtii too. I WAS a consistent fan of hers before other youtubers came out. Because she presented information really well and I like hand drawn characters and because she read academic sounding quotes. I trusted her and her information was stollen. And I feel like a fool for ever having trusted her now, but at least her stollen facts were apparently accurate. Maybe.
James though, he straight up lied. Todd in the Shadows went through a lot of effort to expose those lies. He did so much research that I didn't bother to do. And he admitted he only did it because he happened to know people more informed than him that noticed the lies and went down a rabbit hole.
And maybe if I was more involved I would have noticed. But that's beside the point. what's getting me is I didn't bother to check myself, I just blindly trusted.
And the worst part is I can see why it happened.
I work.
I work, and then I get home, and when I get home I stress. I stress about work I have to do tomorrow, or classes, or finding a new job that actually pays a livable wage. And to escape that stress I go online to AO3, or tumblr, but especially Youtube.
Because I like youtube, I like to have noise in the background while I work. I like to listen to things while I read. And some of the time it's ASMR videos, or watching someone cook something. But mostly? It's history things or video essays.
And when I'm working, or reading, I'll hear a fact, and I'll look up, and I'll think "Huh, that's interesting to know, I didn't know that." And I won't think anything about it.
Because I'm busy, or I'm tired. I'm tired from work, and I don't want to do more work. Or sometimes it's mental health. This is my coping mechanism. I'm trying to learn things, do something to distract myself. I'm not looking to disprove things.
In other words I'm lazy. Or, if I'm being kind to myself, I'm tired.
Maybe if the topic was something I was an expert in I would have noticed. I'm a former ballerina, I'm a failed history major dropout. Maybe if he'd said something like "Holodomor never happened" or "Boudica is a Finnish folk hero" I'd have noticed. Maybe.
But he didn't, and I didn't notice. I assumed he did the work, and why?
Because surely a gay man wouldn't spend hours on youtube talking about Queer history if he wasn't passionate. Because he, a queer man, would surely know about queer history. Surely he wouldn't want to spread lies and hate. And he's quoting from books and articles so why wouldn't I trust him?
My trust was blind and unfounded.
And now I'm reeling from that. I'm reeling because I'm starting to feel like I can't trust a lot of people. How can I listen to any Youtuber casually now?
I can't, I never should have assumed I could.
Now every informative video feels like I need to do tens of hours of research just to be sure what I'm hearing is true. I feel like I can't trust anything unless I do.
James Somerton took my trust.
And it's not only that either. That's not what scares me the most. It's that there are THOUSANDS of people like me. Millions like me. Who are learning something from a video or a tweet or a tumblr post from someone they assume is an expert and are blindly trusting because they assume they can trust it. They don't intend to do their own research because they're tired, or don't know how. And that scars me. I was a history major, I studied tyrants and misinformation and the rise of propaganda, and I, with all my tools to notice, was still blind.
You cannot blindly trust a video, you cannot blindly trust a tweet, you especially cannot blindly trust a tumblr post.
YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE TO PROPOGANDA
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Good things come in small packages
[originally posted on my second blog @daydreams-after-dark in June 2024 ]
Pairing: Mini Han x fem reader (cameo from Minho)
Synopsis: One year ago you purchased a ‘miniature companion’ named Hannie. He’s the size of a Ken doll but alive and horny. But something unexpected happens on your one year anniversary.
Word count: approx 9k
A/n: This fic was originally posted on my second blog @daydreams-after-dark. however the story turned out somewhat adorable and sweet, making me want to keep a copy of it over here with all my other lovey dovey Han Jisung fics. There is still smut... don't you worry about that.
CW below the cut
CW: supernatural themes, oral sex, sexual acts, sexual themes, voyeurism, unprotected p in v sex, oral sex, rough sex, angst, brief themes of depression, fear of suicide (just a fleeting thought), size kink?
You've had your miniature human, Hannie, for almost a year?! You realize, sitting at your work desk as you look at your desktop calendar. You smile and make a note to organize a celebration for just the two of you, and to buy a cheesecake for dessert. Hannie loves cheesecake. Your smile grows. He always manages to get it all over him, then wants to get it all over you so he can lick it off you.
One year this coming weekend. It feels like time has flown, yet at the same time it feels like he’s been part of your life forever. Your heart bursts as you think back to how it all came to be.
You had been lonely. You'd broken up with your long term boyfriend and was feeling sad one night. So you went online to doom scroll, and online shop. You expected you'd end up down a rabbit hole of cat memes and be $500 down in shoe purchases, but instead an ad appeared on your screen.
"Miniature human companions" it said, with images of very attractive men. Miniature men. Were they human? Couldn't be. Were they robots? Probably. They must be really expensive to make which is why they are so small, you'd decided.
You were intrigued, so you researched the company, finding that this new type of 'companion' utilizes cutting edge technology that simulates actual human behavior and bodily functions.
By 4am you'd chosen your companion. His name was Han. He was adorable and attractive, with fluffy black hair and pouty lips, and from the personality trait notes, he sounded like a lot of fun.
"Pay Now". You can still remember the feeling of excitement that ran through you as hit the button to complete your purchase.
When he arrived, he came in a box with air holes, which you found kind of weird considering he didn't actually breathe oxygen. You set the box on your kitchen table, took a deep breath and lifted the lid. You gasped as you peered inside.
A little man, about the size of a Ken doll, sat on a blanket eating miniature crisps out of a miniature chip bag.
"Oh hello!" he looked up at you. "Are you my Noona?" he waved excitedly.
Holy fucking shit. You almost fainted as you stumbled to sit down on a dining chair.
You knew he was meant to talk, but he just seemed so real as he chewed his food then licked the seasoning off his lips like he could actually taste it. His little chest moved with his breath, like he was really breathing. Could he do everything a human can do? You wondered.
"My name’s Hannie." He said standing up and brushing the crumbs off his trousers.
"Um...I-I'm Y/n..." you stuttered, trying to process what you were witnessing,
"You're really pretty, Y/n." He beamed up at you with a gummy grin.
You prepared him a little space of his own, with a makeshift bed, clothing that you had also ordered from the company you purchased him from, and bought a set of Barbie sized cups, plates and furniture. You even bought him a Barbie Dreamhouse to live in, but he preferred to just climb up your full sized furniture and use that.
You studied the information manual that came with him and learned that he could in fact, experience life just as a human did. He needed to eat, sleep, wash, poop. Oh and he could get erections and ejaculate. Wow!
Over the next weeks and months you'd gotten yourselves into a routine, and became really close. He was your best friend. You did everything together, mostly staying at home. You assumed he was some sort of AI, and that's why you got along so well, but the longer he was with you, the more his own interests came to the surface. Like singing and Anime.
He helped you bake, often getting himself covered in flour and other ingredients. You'd watch movies together. Most nights you'd lay on the couch and he'd lay face down on your chest while you watched your favorites. Sometimes you'd feel him get hard against the curve of your breast, and you'd think inappropriate thoughts about him. You'd grow wet between your legs and wish he was able to touch you.
He loved it when you’d brush his hair with a tiny little hairbrush and sit him on your benchtop in the bathroom when you’re getting ready for the day. You know he loved it when you forgot he was there one time and you took a shower in front of him. He got so hard watching you soap up your body.
Sometimes you'd take him out on a picnic somewhere secluded near the ocean so he could freely move about the picnic blanket without fear of being seen. Or he'd sneak into your work bag and scare the shit out of you when you were working.
In the early days, you'd occasionally go on dates with actual men. Mostly to take your mind of your growing feelings for Hannie. You'd bring them home and fuck them in your bed, knowing he was somewhere watching, listening. You'd imagine him getting hard from your noises, and it made you moan even louder just picturing it. You'd imagine it was Hannie inside you too, pounding hard into your cunt, and making you come on his cock.
He was distant with you in the days after. He’d sit around sulking and pouting.
"What's wrong, Hannie?" You asked him after he’d ignored you for three days.
"Noona... it's just…I get so jealous of them." He burst into tears. "I want to do things like that to you. I want to the be the one who makes you come." He sobbed.
Things changed after that. You no longer went out with other men, and you and your miniature companion began to explore a more physical, more sexual, relationship.
From letting you see each other naked, to mutual masturbation, to eventually touching each other and making each other come.
You soon learned that even though Hannie is small, he is extremely talented with his mouth, and he can make you come harder than anyone had ever before.
One morning he noticed that you were still asleep, and very naked. The way you were laying, legs splayed out looked so inviting to him. You’d kicked your blanket off at some point. He couldn’t help himself.
You woke up to a sensation between your legs, and when you looked down you saw him kneeling between your your legs, using his arms to push your pussy lips open and doing his very best to lap at your clit.
“Hannie?” You whimpered. He stopped for a moment to stand up and wave at you, the entire front of his body dripping with your arousal. “I’ve just found my favorite thing to do!” He said enthusiastically and then he was back to being buried against your pussy.
These days, at night time he’ll climb up onto your chest while you’re lying in bed watching videos on your phone. He still loves to nestle against the bulge of your breasts, especially if you’re in a loose satin camisole, and he’ll slide himself under the fabric.
“What do you want to watch, Hannie?” You’ll ask him.
“Porn!” He’ll answer excitedly. The phone is like a giant screen to him and it’s never long before you feel him shimmying his clothes off and rubbing his little swollen erection against your skin.
He’s such a desperate little thing that you let him do whatever he needs to get himself off. Often, he’ll rub his cock along your bottom lip while he humps your tits, or he’ll scramble to suck on your nipple. He does his best to stretch his mouth around it, while he grinds against you and cumming on your soft skin. Then he’ll pass out right there. Poor little tyke gets himself tired.
Some of the kinkier things he gets you to do include tying him up and edging him until his cock becomes so painfully red and engorged that he’s crying. His naked body is delicious to look at, and you love to run the pad of your index finger over his muscles. He’s perfectly toned, his skin honey brown, and his cock is mouth-wateringly big for his frame.
He’s rendered helpless as you stroke your finger gently up and down his body. Then, using the tip of your tongue, you lick his cock carefully whilst shoving your pinky finger into his mouth.
There are times when you’ll dress up in lingerie covered in buckles and straps and he’ll climb up your body like he’s doing some kind of adventure hike. He gets so sweaty and very hard as he explores the terrain of your body.
He really is the perfect companion.
You are broken from your thoughts by your alarm signaling it's time to go home from work, and you hurry home to see your Hannie.
_____________
"Fuck! Hannie! Please... need to come...need one more...please. Don't stop." You pant. It's later that evening, and you're on the verge of your third orgasm with Hannie between your thighs sucking expertly on your clit. He's got your lips spread open as far as he can manage, and he's grinding against your core seeking his own release. Inside your pussy you've got your vibrator egg on full intensity. "Yes!!! Yes...coming!!!" You cry as you arch off the bed as you come all over him.
He quickly climbs up your body, almost slipping off because he’s covered in so much of your cream, and kneels on your chest to pump his cock until he’s spurting cum onto your tongue.
“Tastes so good, Hannie.” You show him your empty tongue, but he’s already collapsed across your body.
You clean him up and put him in his striped pajamas, before you both nestle into bed. You’re used to him sleeping on the pillow next to you now, although it took you a while to stop worrying you’d roll on him in the night.
“Noona? Did you know that tomorrow it’ll be one year since I came here?” He says sleepily.
You roll onto your side and smile. “Yes, actually I do, honey. Have a think about what you’d like to do to celebrate, okay. Anything you want."
He nods. “Yeah, I’ll think about it. But just so you know, it’ll involve me being buried in your pussy.”
————-
Han laid back on the pillow. What would he like to do to celebrate? He’d love to celebrate by being inside you. Properly. Fully.
He wishes he could do the things he'd seen those men you’d do to you all those months ago. To pin your legs up and fuck you so hard the bed would shake. He takes his mind back to when he’d hide on your shelf and watch, fucking into his hand and holding back tears of despair.
What would it be like to bend you over and fuck you from behind? What would it even be like to fuck you at all? He wants to know so bad.
But he does have a special relationship with you, he supposes. Not every guy has to stretch his mouth around a nipple or clit like he has to. Can those men be covered head to toe in your juices? Or lay completely across the bulge of your boob. No. They can’t. Only he can.
He pouts to himself.
He knows he’s got it good, you are his everything. But as he lays on the pillow next you and closes his eyes, he wonders if he’s enough for you? Could you give up real men forever, with real sized cocks that can stretch you out and fill you deep? Would you be okay with never having a boyfriend you could take out in public, or take to family events, or be seen with?
Could you settle for him? A miniature version of a man?
He sighs. "Goodnight, Noona. Love you." He whispers as he leans over and gives your giant lips a kiss.
"Goodnight, my sweet Hannie. I love you too." you reply sleepily.
As he drifts off to sleep he wishes what he always wishes. That he could be human sized and be with you like a proper human.
-----------
The morning sun peeks through your window, landing on your face and causing you to stir. You groan and try to stretch, but a heaviness across your middle keeps you in place. You peer down to find a man's arm wrapped around you, snuggling you tight.
Fear courses through your body, and you scream as you fling the arm off and jump out bed. You grab your lamp, ready to hit the intruder.
"Noona?" The man lifts his head, his dark locks falling around his face.
Your eyes almost pop out of your head when you see the confused look on his face. "Hannie!?" You choke, hands poised to strike.
"Noona? What are you doing?" he peers down at the pillow his head had been resting on, and then down the bed toward his feet. "Why is your bed so small?"
"Hannie?" You whisper, lowering the lamp, letting it drop to the floor.
"Why is everything so small? Wait. Why am I naked? Noona, have you been playing with me in my sleep?" He looks up at you confused and worried. "Noona, why are you looking at me like that?"
His eyes land on his pajamas, torn to shreds next to him. He picks up the scrap of fabric that was his pajama top, and his eyes widen. "Why are my clothes so tiny?"
"Hannie," you take in the man before you, naked and taking up most of the bed. "You're big."
Han just stares at you blankly. Then realization hits him, causing him to spring out of bed and look around the room frantically.
"Hannie?" You say again. "Hannie, look at me." You take a step closer to him and he finally looks at you. It's as though your gaze anchors him and he appears to calm down somewhat. His eyes soften and he looks at you like he's looking at you for the very first time, just as you are with him.
You already know he has an incredible physique. Broad shoulders, slim waist, toned muscles. But standing before you right now he’s breathtaking. But you don't love him for his body. You love him for his heart.
Standing fully naked in front of you, he seems less real than when he was small. How can this be happening? It's impossible. Right?
"Noona?" His eyes drop to where your gaze has fallen. Right on his cock, still semi hard from his morning wood. It's the most delicious thing you've ever seen. So much bigger than you expected too. You can't help but imagine all the things you want to do with it. You have imagined it plenty over the past year. How you want him to fill you up, or make you choke on it. How it tastes. How it feels in your mouth.
"Hey!" he covers himself with his hands. "I'm going through a crisis and you're staring at my dick!" He exasperates. He narrows his eyes. "Oh my God, Noona? You know what this means?" His eyes light up with excitement.
"I do, Han. Trust me, I know. But first we need to figure out what is going on. Why this has happened." You take another step towards him, closing the distance, and with shaking hands you reach out and touch his chest. You feel his heart pounding and it makes your heart beat faster too.
He's real.
"Do you think my wish has finally come true?" he whispers. "I wish it every night before I fall asleep. That I'd wake up and be human sized."
You look up to meet his gaze. His gorgeous big brown eyes. "I wish it every night too. It's just... this doesn’t make any sense.” You pause. “Wait. The manual. Maybe it says something in that?”
Without giving him any warning, you snap into action and disappear into your walk-in wardrobe, returning with a pair of sweatpants and an oversized tee.
"Here. Put these on. I can't be getting distracted." You say and hurry out of the bedroom.
----------
"I thought you said you'd studied the manual?" Han says suspiciously whilst chewing on the scrambled eggs and toast you quickly cooked for him. You were quite happy to forgo your breakfast so you could search for answers, but his stomach rumbled so loudly you couldn’t ignore it.
While he scoffs down his breakfast, and you're still in your pajamas, you pore over the instruction manual spread open on the dining table, looking for any information that might help.
"Well... I kind of only read about how to keep you alive. You know, like how often I needed to feed and water you." you reply casually. Inside, you wish you had read the rest of the information. Maybe you would have had a heads up about this and you could have prepared yourself?
"Do you think I'm going to be like this permanently? Like the first year was a test of your commitment or something? Maybe I could learn guitar? Or cook? Or-"
"Okay. I've got something." You interrupt. "It says here: At twelve months of ownership, your companion will transform into typical human size-"
Han's eyes light up excitedly. "Wait! So this means?"
You hold up your hand to hush him. "There's more." You say. "He will remain in this state for 48 hours, before returning to his original size."
“Oh.” Han’s fork clatters on his plate. You look up at him as his expression changes from excited and hopeful, to absolutely crestfallen and deflated.
"I'm so sorry, Hannie." you whisper. You know how badly he wants to be big. You watch as he swallows a lump in his throat, and without a word, he stands and walks into the kitchen to look out of the window above the sink.
————
Forty eight hours? So It's not permanent? What kind of fucking idiot is he to think he'd ever be able to be a human? He tries to fight back the tears as he looks out of the window.
It's a beautiful, sunny morning, and usually on a day like this he'd climb up onto the windowsill and watch the world. There's a little strip of shops across the street that he especially loves to watch. His favorite is the flower shop. Observing the customers going in and out buying flowers and bouquets for loved ones. They’re such pretty colors too, the flowers. He’d love to be able to buy flowers for you.
A lady about your age works there, and sometimes another man is there too. Han doesn’t see him there often, but knows he’s someone special the way the shop owner and him look at and hold each other. Maybe he travels for work? He's often wondered as he sits on the windowsill.
He's broken from his thoughts when he feels your arms wrap around his waist and you lean against his back. His eyes close softly, and his body relaxes as he savors the feeling of being embraced in this way for the first time.
"Hannie, I know we don't have long, but maybe if we see it as a gift?"
He turns in your arms to face you, and wraps his own arms around you. You feel so good like this. In his arms. Holding so much of you in one go. Feeling your entire body pressed against his. It's better than he ever imagined.
"You're right." He says finally. "We can't waste a minute of this precious time. There's so much I have to do to you." His dick twitches when he sees your cheeks flush. He knows you're not shy, but if you feel anything like he does right now, then you’d have to be trembling on the inside.
His hand slides up to hold your jaw tenderly as he brings his lips close to yours. Sure he's kissed you, parts of your lips - both sets even, and other parts of your skin. But your lips in their entirety? He feels so scared, so nervous. What if he's a shit kisser?
"Stop thinking, Han Jisung." You say and connect your lips to his.
His lips fit yours perfectly and he melts into them with a moan. He kisses you slowly and carefully and a warmth spreads throughout his body. He hardens immediately when he feels your tongue slip into his mouth to find his. Your tongue, the one that’s licked his entire torso in one sweep, is currently inside his mouth.
He allows his hands to wander lower to cup your ass. He loves your ass and often stares at it when you're doing housework in your tight little exercise shorts. Another moan escapes him when he pulls you even closer against his body. Touching so many parts of you all at once has him feeling overwhelmed in the best way possible. What will it be like when he’s inside you as well? He has to know.
He lowers his hands a little more to lift you up and you wrap your legs around his. Then he’s carrying you - actually carrying you - to your bedroom.
Your room is still filled with the warm sunlight, and Han is glad because he’ll be able to see absolutely everything. He lays you gently on the bed and kisses you deeply, then sits up to kneel between your parted legs.
“I think these need to come off.” He announces, flicking the waistband of your pajama shorts.
You smirk. “You do, huh?”
“Yes. We need to be naked.” He starts tugging off your clothes, then his own.
You look stunning beneath him, and you feel the same way about him. The sunlight hits his honey skin perfectly and you feel a surge of love for the man above you.
This is actually happening, is the thought going through both your heads.
Han gulps as he drinks you in with his eyes. Where to begin? He decides to start with your breasts. Holding them in his hands, massaging them. He loves the pretty noises you’re making as he kneads them. He leans over to take a nipple in his mouth, flicking the tiny pebbled nub that he normally has to stretch his mouth around. It goes straight to his dick and he can’t help but grind his cock against your core. This is too much already. He sits back up between your legs to try and regain his composure. He doesn’t want the first time he has intercourse to be over before it begins. To bide some time, he slowly runs his hands down your stomach and massages the tops of your thighs while his eyes lock onto your pussy. Home.
His favorite thing in the world is to eat you out, and he’s excited to taste you. Firstly, though, he is dying to explore you with his fingers. He drags his thumbs through your folds. “Wet for me as usual, Noona.” He states, glancing up to see your flushed cheeks. He chuckles to himself knowing how flustered he’s making you.
“Hannie…always soaked for you.” You say with a breathlessness to your voice.
He rubs circles on your clit with his thumb whilst using his other hand to spread you wide.
“I need your fingers inside me, Hannie.” you wiggle your hips to give him the hint.
“Like this?” He asks innocently as he slips two fingers into you. You moan in relief, making him smirk again.You’re so tight just around his fingers that he can’t imagine how you are going to fit his cock. He partially withdraws his fingers then pushes them back into your warm, wet, cunt. He repeats this a few times, your moans and ‘yes’s urging him to go a little harder, a little deeper. He remembers watching you finger fuck yourself and that there’s a spot inside you that when you stimulate it makes you come. He needs to try it.
He angles his fingers a little differently and fucks you with his hand. The response is immediate. Your pussy begins to make those lewd, but arousing sounds, that he has heard when you’ve made yourself cum on your dildo. Your back arches off the bed and your thighs start to tremble. He knows the signs of you having an orgasm. He’s made you come so many times. But not like this. He leans over you to slide his tongue into your mouth, capturing the moans from your orgasm while his fingers work you through it until you’ve settled back to earth. Stunning. Erotic. Perfect. That’s what you are to him right now.
Now he can eat you out. Lick up all that arousal leaking from your delectable pussy. He nestles between your legs, his agonizingly hard cock squashed between his stomach and the mattress. He knows it’s leaking all over your quilt.
Firmly holding your thighs apart, he licks a long stripe from your vagina to clit. You taste perfect. He is careful not to go too hard or too rough. When he’s tiny he needs to use all his energy and strength to get you off, but right now even the most delicate of licks or suckles has you whimpering for him.
He spits on your clit and then sucks it off. Then moves lower to slip his tongue inside you. He has to hold you still as another orgasm starts to build for you. He loves making you feel this way.
He needs to make you come again, so he slips a finger into your pussy while he laps at your clit. He feels you come on his face, shaking, quivering, covering him in your juices. Yep. Still his favorite thing to do.
He removes himself from between your legs to hover over you to take you in an urgent kiss, smearing your arousal all over your lips. His dick throbs.
“Hannie,” you pull away from the kiss. “I really need you inside me. I need it so much it hurts.” You look up at him with desperate eyes.
“Me too, Noona.” He gulps. He’s so fucking scared and hopes you don’t notice.
“Are you nervous?” You reach up and stroke his cheek.
Of course you noticed it. You always know how he feels. He nods. “Yeah. I am actually. I am a virgin you know?” He chuckles awkwardly, like you didn’t know he’d never actually fucked before.
You wrap your arms around the back of his neck and pull him close. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Just let it slip in. Dicks usually find a way into a pussy.” You whisper in his ear.
He trusts you and grinds the length of his cock against your slipper pussy. It’s already beyond incredible feeling your soft skin against his obscenely hard cock. You both moan equally in pleasure and the frustration of needing more, so he shifts his hips to allow the tip of his cock to prod at you.
“Yes!” You cry out against his ear. “Fuck…Hannie…need you. It’s so close…”
All it takes is a slight adjustment of the angle of his hips and he feels the tip slip inside you.
“Please…hurry.” You sob. “I love you so much, Hannie.”
“I love you too, Noona.” he says with a shaky breath, and then he’s inside you. All the way to the hilt. You both moan in relief.
“You’re so tight.” he declares, his eyes rolling back into his head. He’s not going to last even a thrust. It’s already too good. But he begins to move anyway, eventually finding a slow, deep rhythm.
He was wrong. This is his most favorite thing to do. Be buried in your pussy, with your arms and legs wrapped around him as you moan his name over and over. Definitely his favorite.
“Faster…please… harder…oh Hannie…fuck.” You claw at his back trying to pull him even deeper. He obliges, picking up the pace, fucking you harder. He kneels between your legs again so he can see all of you. The sight is erotic. Seeing all of you at once, with your legs folded and pushed up high and wide. Your breasts bouncing with every thrust. And the expression on your face as you look down at where you’re connected almost makes him fill you right then and there.
“I’m coming, Hannie… I’m…don’t stop! Come with me. Come inside me!” You’re already trembling beneath him, and there’s no way in hell he’d be able to stop himself coming inside you even if he wanted to. He’s about to burst. Not just his cock, but his heart too. He loves you too much. He takes his thumb back to your clit and focuses on bringing you over the edge. He feels your walls squeeze tight around him like a vice, and it sends him over as well. With a few last shaky thrusts, he releases himself inside of you with a deep moan.
“Noona… Fuck…” he pants and collapses on top of you. “That was the best feeling in the whole world. I don’t know how anyone gets anything done when they could be doing that!”
—-----------
The day passes far too quickly as you fill the rest of the day with lovemaking, food, drinks, and even more lovemaking. You both don't want to miss a single moment of each other. Night comes too quickly, and despite trying your best to stay awake, sleep eventually takes you both as you lay in his arms.
-----------
The sun streams through the window waking you from your sleep. You feel Han's arm laying heavy across your waist. It wasn't a dream. Your eyes snap open to find him fast asleep, mouth open, and still very much human size.
You watch him until he finally stirs and opens his eyes. "Am I still big? Are we still naked?" He asks sleepily.
You grin in response. "Yes. You're still big. And we’re still naked. " You lean down and kiss his cheek.
"So we can have more sex today?" he adds, rubbing his eyes.
"Anything you want, my love." You say and let your hand wander down to rest on his erect cock. Flicking the sheet off of him, you begin to kiss your way down his body, savoring every inch of his skin, ensuring you remember this moment forever. You pause when you reach his cock, admiring the way it looks. Fucking perfect. Mouthwatering. You waste no time taking him in your hand and bringing your tongue to the underside of his shaft.
He releases a sharp breath. “Fuck, Noona. Please…are you gonna suck me off? Please suck my cock, Noona.” he begs, lifting his head and looking down at you. You give him a sly look and swirl your tongue around the tip, and he throws his head back down onto the pillow, surrendering to you and your plans.
You take your time teasing him, alternating between kitten licks to the tip, to long languid strokes of your tongue along the shaft. His breathless pants turn to whimpers, then finally a deep, relieving groan as you sink your mouth over him. You take as much of him into your throat as you possibly can, and even though your eyes start to water, you take him even deeper.
“Baby, Noona…This is…your mouth… How can you even breathe right now?” He can barely get the words out. “So good… ngh…s’good.” he squeezes his eyes closed trying his hardest not to thrust into you. His hands thread through your hair and rest on the back of your head. You hope he pushes you down further so you take absolutely everything, and when he does, you feel your cunt tighten and your arousal leaking between your legs.
Your lips are pressed to his pelvis and he isn’t letting you go. You are finding it hard to breathe, but you don’t care. You want more. You feel him getting close when his cock hardens even more and he starts thrusting into your throat. Yes. This is what you need.
Han gets noisier as he approaches his climax, then you feel it. The familiar taste of his hot cum hits the back of your throat. He cries out then stills, releasing his hands from your head and relaxing into the bed.
As usual, you swallow every last drop. There is so much more compared to normal, the fluid coating the back of your mouth, then you make your way up to kiss his lips.
Han grins at you with hooded eyes. “Fuck, Noona! That was so fucking goog.”
“You don’t know how many times I’ve pictured doing that for you, Hannie.” You smile and curl up to his side.
“Noona?” he says, stroking your arm.
“Mmm. Yes my love?” you hum.
“Do you think…after we fuck again, we can go out? There’s something I want to do.”
You turn your head to gaze at him. “Of course. Anything you want, my love.” you say again, but this time with a curious tone.
-----------
"Are you sure I don’t look weird?" Han isn't convinced that the sweatpants and tee you have given him are gender neutral.
"You're fine, I promise. Just trust me?" You reply, locking your front door. You take his hand in yours and begin to up your front path. As you reach the sidewalk, he begins to have second thoughts. Sure he's been out of the house with you before. In your handbag, hidden away. Safe. Unseen. Maybe this isn't a good idea after all, he thinks to himself. Maybe he shouldn't have such lofty ideas? But he's not going to have another opportunity to do this. So he has to be brave.
“”What would you like to do, Hannie?”
“There’s something I’ve thought about doing for a while now. Buy you flowers.” He gestures to the flower shop across from your home.
Your eyes light up and a smile washes over your features. “I’d absolutely love that!” You squeeze his hand and look up at him. “I love you Hannie.” You say and kiss him on the lips.
“Noona, y-you can’t do that!” He stutters.
“Do what, sweetie?” You tease, and kiss him again. This time a little longer.
He pushes you away gently. “You’re getting me hard.” He whispers sternly and looks around to make sure no one can notice.
“Okay, Han. No public display of affection. Got it.” You pinch his chubby cheek.
The flower shop isn't very big, but it manages to accommodate so many flowers and bouquets that fill every corner and surface. Han takes in the floral scents, and the vibrancy of the colors, and smiles when his eyes land on what he's looking for.
"Can I help you with anything?" the shop owner asks cheerfully.
"Yes, can I please have the bouquet of purple tulips?" he says proudly.
The owner, who's name tag says 'Jules', takes the bouquet back to the counter to ring up the price. "That will be $60."
That's right. He has no money. He closes his eyes for a moment, berating himself. Of course he can't pay. He has no bank account. No identification. He's not a citizen of... anywhere really. He's an alien.
"That's okay, I've got it. He forgot his wallet today." You step in from out of nowhere and take care of paying for the flowers.
Ashamed by his inadequacy, Han steps away from the counter, and busies himself by looking at the corner with some potted houseplants. He quite likes the houseplants you own, often sitting underneath the leaves pretending to be somewhere outdoors. He chuckles to himself at how silly that sounds when movement behind one of the pot plants catches his eye.
Intrigued, he crouches down and ever so slowly nudges one of the plants to the side. His eyes widen and he almost stumbles backward when he sees a little man, the size of a Ken doll, looking up at him.
The same man that he’s seen kissing and holding Jules the shop owner multiple times.
Han blinks, not believing what he is seeing, but when he opens his eyes the little man is gone. Where did he go? Did he imagine it? He starts shifting plant pots around, desperately trying to find him.
"Hannie. I'm done now." you call to him from the shop entrance.
----------
"Hannie, what's wrong?" You ask as you both step outside onto the sidewalk. "Is it about paying for these?" You hold up the tulips.
"No, Noona. It's not that." He turns to look back at the shop.
"Han? You look like you've seen a ghost. Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?" You press your hand to his forehead. Sweaty and warm. Is he getting sick?
"I'm fine. Just... the forty eight hours are coming to an end tonight." He frowns.
You drop your head. You have been trying your best not to think about it. Today was so perfect, spending time with Han like a proper couple. It felt so heartwarming watching him with his big, curious eyes as he interacted with his surroundings.
You take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the flowers. "What made you choose these?" you ask him curiously.
"Well," He starts, as you begin to walk back towards your home. "From what I read on the internet they are a symbol of perfect love." He smiles sheepishly. "It also said that they symbolize rebirth, as well as being known to help us let go of the past and embrace the future with renewed optimism and hope." he adds, proud to have remembered the details he'd read.
"I think that sounds perfect." You smile warmly and kiss him on the cheek.
---------------
Dinner is a quiet affair. The quietest it’s ever been. Usually at dinner time you share your day with each other, listening intently, offering advice or support, or whatever each of you needed that night. Tonight you’re both thinking about the same thing. That your time together like this is coming to an end. Neither of you want to talk about the elephant in the room, so you both stay silent.
After a while you see Han set his knife and fork on his plate and stand up, walking around to your side of the table. You look up at him and he offers his hand out to you. Wordlessy, you take it and let him lead you to your bedroom.
He’s not gentle as he pushes you down onto the mattress and practically rips your clothes off before climbing on top of you and taking you in a rough, heated kiss. He shoves his tongue past your lips and you thread your fingers through his hair to pull him into an even deeper, even more feral kiss. He pulls away only to remove his own garments, then he forces your legs apart so he can line his cock up to your entrance.
Without any preparation, or warning, he pushes the entire length of his cock into you in one go. You cry out at the intrusion, but part your legs further. You need him inside you, to consume you.
He’s careless with his thrusts, and his hands grope and squeeze, bruising your flesh. There’s a look of anger and resentment in his eyes. You know it’s not because of you, but at this whole situation. It feels so unfair to have a glimpse of how life could be, and know that it’s never going to be like this again. You love Hannie no matter what. But this feels so good too. Why? Why let you experience this, only to have torn away so quickly?
“Are you gonna remember me like this forever, Noona? How full I make you? How deep inside you I am? How hard I can fuck you?” He growls. “Tell me. Tell me you’ll never forget it. Cos I’m never going to forget how your pussy feels around me. Squeezing me tight. Tell me I’m your favorite. Tell me I feel better than anyone before me.”
Han’s words are aggressive, and so is the way he’s fucking you. But his voice is full of heartbreak and angst. You want him to give you everything. His sadness, his anger, you want him to take it out on you.
He thrusts his hips even harder against your body, and his cock slams into your cervix, causing you to cry out his name.
“Hannie!” You choke. He doesn’t slow down or go easy on you. You can barely breathe.
“Say it… please…Tell me your mine.” he sobs, but he doesn’t slow down.
“I’m yours, Hannie…forever.” you whimper.
He leans down over you, caging you underneath him. “Come for me. Come on my cock.” He growls, his hot breath against your ear. “I wanna feel your pussy choke me one last time.”
It’s too much and you come hard around him, sobbing against his shoulder.
“That’s it…Yes…Fuck! I’m coming too!” He grunts as he thrusts his hips a few more times and empties himself inside you.
You stay like this for a while. Breathless and sweating. Eventually, he lifts his head and looks down on you. “Did I hurt you?” He asks with a concerned expression.
You shake your head. “It was passionate. I needed you to fuck me like that.” You sigh. He closes his eyes softly in relief, then withdraws his softened cock from you.
Neither of you move to clean up, or even get a drink, or even say another word. You simply lay in the comfort of each other’s arms as though the world was about to end.
---------
You fall asleep first, but Han can't sleep. He doesn't want to sleep. So he watches you sleep instead. He cups your cheek. He needs to burn the image of this into his brain, for tomorrow his hand will barely be able to wrap around your pinky finger. These past forty eight hours were a dream come true, but he’s not sure how he’ll get over it either.
-------------
You wake to find your bed empty. "Han?" You call out and search the bed, lifting the blankets. Sometimes he ends up tangled in them, but he isn't there.
You hop out of bed, slip on your robe and head out into the kitchen. You find him sitting on the windowsill above the sink. Small as ever. You feel a sadness in your chest and bite your lip as you approach him. "Hannie?" You say softly, leaning your arms on the counter next to the sink so your face is close to him.
"I'm okay Noona." he sighs, but doesn't turn to face you.
"You want me to fix you some breakfast before I go to work?" You ask hopefully, but he shakes his head.
The usual conversation that you have when you get ready for work is replaced with a heavy, awkward silence.
"You know, Hannie, you are perfect to me no matter what. Your personality, your heart - it’s bigger than that of any man in the world.” You say as you turn to leave the kitchen and head out the front door for work.
--------------
Han hasn’t left the windowsill in days. He hasn’t washed, he's barely eaten. The spark you love so much in him has dimmed, and you’re frightened that it won't come back. It's not like you can get him therapy. No one knows about him. No one can know about him.
Every day you leave for work not knowing what you'll find when you return home. What if he’s left? What if he's-" No you won't let yourself even go there.
Those forty eight hours of him being big was not worth it, and if you could take it back and go back to how things were before, you'd do it in a heartbeat. You just want your Hannie back.
--------------
Han knows you love him. But he can't help but feel depressed. He feels worse now than he has ever felt in his entire, albeit short, life. It's like him becoming big was some sick, cruel joke. Like it was to taunt him. To show him how good it could really be, how good it could really feel, to be a human, just to snatch it away from him.
It isn't just depression that's consuming him. It's an obsession with the flower shop and that little man he had seen that day.
For ten days now he’s stared at the shop hoping to catch a glimpse of...something... anything that might give him answers or closure. They know something. He can feel it.
Then finally it happens. Han hurries to a kneeling position, face pressed against the glass to catch a better look.
The man is back. As a human sized man. Han guesses he's seen this man maybe four times over as many months. He stands in the doorway waving to a customer before going back into the shop. It definitely looks like the little guy he saw standing by the pot plant.
You probably imagined it. You were probably over excited from the sex with Noona. Can sex make you hallucinate? Han isn't sure of anything anymore. Except that the miniature man was either imaginary, or, he has the answers Han's looking for.
-------------------
You leave work early and pick up a cheesecake. Han hasn’t eaten in days and you hope his favorite dessert might perk him up a little bit, even if it’s just a sugar rush.
You open your front door kicking your shoes off, and make your way upstairs to your main living area. The house is eerily quiet, even with a depressed Han it's too quiet. Something is off. Something is wrong.
“Hannie?” You call out. No answer. You place the cheesecake box on the counter. He’s not on his windowsill. Maybe he’s asleep somewhere? You check your bedroom next. He isn’t there either. You search every room, calling out his name.
Nothing.
He’s gone. He’s actually gone! Why? Why would he leave? Where would he go? What if he’s hurt? What if he’s - you gulp. You start to panic and begin to check everywhere again. Maybe he fell into a drawer? Maybe he’s stuck somewhere?
Again, nothing.
He really was gone.
—-----------
Han has never ventured out of the house by himself before. Well this month has been full of firsts, he thinks. Why not climb down the stairs and sneak out of a slightly ajar window?
He jumps down from the window sill and tumbles into the garden, surprisingly unscathed. He is on a mission and nothing is going to stop him.
Determination takes over any fear of being eaten by the neighbors cat, or being runover by a car, as he carefully treks across the road to the flower shop.
He hasn't even planned what he’s going to say. What if he's mistaken and the owner faints? What if she kills him? Or kidnaps him? Tortures him? No. He shakes his head. The lady was really nice the other day. People love to go to her shop. It'll be fine.
By the time Han reaches the threshold he is hot, sweaty and very thirsty. He looks up to looming doorway and swallows hard. Here goes nothing.
He slips inside, carefully seeking the cover of a nearby flower pot. The shop looks gigantic compared to last time he was there.
He notices something that he missed the last time. That the entire shop is set up suspiciously accessible for him. Like it was made for someone his size. Strings from buntings and signs dangle in such a way that Han would be able to reach just about any shelf he wished. Some shelves look to have mini rope ladders, and there seems to be plenty of places to hide and watch customers, or your Noona.
He quickly climbs up one of the rope ladders where he can get a better view of the sales counter. Jules is there finishing serving a customer. But where is the man?
Han doesn’t have to wait for long. The man emerges from a back storeroom with a gift bag for the customer.
“Oh Minho! You’re back in town!” The customer exclaims in a high pitch voice. “How was your work trip?” She gives this Minho a kiss on the cheek.
“Adventurous as usual.” He winks at her.
“Well it’s good to see you.” She takes her flowers and gift bag, smiling as she leaves the shop.
“Take care Mrs Maple!” Minho waves after her then turns to Jules. “Finally, I’ve got you alone, kitten.” He smirks and closes the gap between them. “Maybe we could close up for lunch? Head back into the storeroom?” He kisses her neck.
“You’re always so horny, Minho.” She teases. “Don’t think I don’t know you masturbate behind the flower pot while I work.”
Wait! What? Han’s eyes almost pop out of his head and he stumbles knocking an ornamental garden gnome off the shelf.
Jules and Minho’s eyes land on the smashed gnome. Then they lift their gaze, eyes landing straight on Han.
Fuck! He freezes to the spot.
The pair look confused and make their way over to where Han is standing pretending to be gnome himself, and crouch down so they are eye level with him.
“It’s the customer from the other day.” Jules remarks. “He didn’t have any money.” She adds.
Han crosses his arm and pouts.
“He’s the one I told you about. The one that saw me on the shelf.” Minho adds.
“Excuse me?” Han interrupts. “I was hoping you could help me. You see, I live across the street with my Noona. She was the woman I was with when I came in the other day. And…anyway… I sit in the window sill and watch the flower shop. Not in a creepy way.” He is sure to add. “And I’ve seen him…Minho, or whatever your name is,” he points to the man “a few times… Then when I came in, he… he was small.”
“And you were big.” Minhos’s eyes glisten and he rubs his chin deviously. “And now you’re small!”
“Exactly! And I need to know… are you one of those miniature companions like me? And if so, why do you keep getting big? And… and is it the same for all of us? Is it different depending on the batch? Do some of us get big and others don’t?” Han’s out of breath by the time he’s finished.
“What’s your name?” Jules asks kindly.
“Han.” He replies and plops down, crossing his legs.
“Han?” She repeats thoughtfully.
“Do you recognise the name, babe?” Minho enquires.
Jules nods. “Yes. I believe he was also part of the range I purchased you from. The Skz range. I don’t think he was ready yet. How long have you been with your owner?”
“Just on a year.” He replies.
Jules and Minho exchange looks, then turn back to Han.
“Well, Han, buddy,” he says. “I think we might be able to answer your questions.”
—-----------
Eventually, after tearing your house apart in the hopes to find Han and failing, you flop yourself on your couch feeling empty and numb. You don’t even notice that your doorbell is ringing, but then a loud knock on the door makes you almost jump out of your skin.
“Yeah okay, I’m coming!” You call out as you head downstairs. With a sigh, you open the front door to find the woman who owns the flower shop across the street, and a man who you’ve seen a few times around the place, standing there. The woman holds a basket in her hands, and the man holds an amused look on his face.
Great. You’re not in the mood for interaction.
The woman’s eyes widen when she sees your tear streaked face.
“Uh, sorry to bother you. I’m Jules. From the flower shop across the street.” She smiles awkwardly. “And this is my, um, partner, Minho.” She gestures to the man next to her.
You continue to stand there, saying nothing.
Jules coughs, clearing her throat. “We’ve brought your Hannie home.” She declares.
“Noona!” Han’s head pops out of the basket.
Your hand comes up to cover your mouth. “Why do you have my Han?” You choke. Your eyes dart from Jules to Minho, confused and scared. Han is supposed to be a secret. You can’t have outsiders knowing about him.
“I went to them, Noona. They have something to tell you! Can’t you let us inside already?” He whines.
A whining Han is a good sign. You nod and usher them inside.
————-
You’re back on your couch, this time with Jules and Minho on the couch across from you, and your little Hannie on the cushion next to you. You’re relieved he’s back, but also so mad at his reckless behavior. He could’ve gotten himself killed. He and Minho are enjoying a piece of cheesecake, like this is some normal afternoon gathering of friends.
“So you have something to tell me?” You say looking to Jules.
“We do. You see, Han came to us because he saw my miniature companion in the flower shop the day you both came in.” She starts.
Your eyes widen. “You know about them? You’ve got one?”
Jules nods. “Yes. Minho here is my companion.”
“Hi.” He waves.
“He’s your companion?” You arch an eyebrow.
“Yes, he’s got his monthly grown up pants on at the moment, but most of the time he’s small like Han.” She nods her head towards Han.
You shake your head in disbelief. “One minute Han is doll sized, then suddenly out of nowhere he’s big.”
“She really didn’t read the manual, hey Han?” Minho chuckles.
“Then I find out there’s another tiny man running around across the street?” You continue, ignoring Minho’s remark.
“Hey, I’m far from tiny!” Minho turns to you with a deadly glare.
“Calm down sweetie.” Jules pats his thigh. “He’s not really cold and cynical.” She reassures you.
“He’s cocky isn’t he?” You say lightheartedly to Jules but your eyes are firmly on Minho. “You know you were able to read their traits on the website and select accordingly?” You say jokingly.
“That’s why she chose me. For my cock-iness.” Minho leans back into the couch.
“He was the only one who was cat friendly. I have three cats, you see.” Jules playfully punches Minho in the arm.
“Hah! You love my cock-y personality.”
“I do.” Jules admits and leans against him.
The pair are fascinating, but you need to know more. “What did you mean by monthly grown up pants?” You ask.
“Once a month I grow into the size of a human for two days.” Minho shares. “It’s a fault in the Skz manufacturing process.”
“You didn’t receive the recall email from the company?” Jules turns back to you surprised.
You shake your head.
“There was a form in the back of...the manual...that you could send in so you’d receive any important information. Like recalls and such.”
“Noona only read up to the part where it says I can ejaculate.” Han pipes up, his mouth full of food.
“Hannie! Don’t, you’re embarrassing me. Sorry, he hasn’t been socialized.” You say bashfully.
“I think these two will become best friends.” Jules laughs looking at the two men. “Han did say this whole human size situation came as a surprise to you both.”
“I feel so stupid. I didn’t read the whole manual. I’m such an irresponsible companion owner.”
“There was a recall on the Skz range because they were only supposed to grow big the once, not once every month. Purchasers were given the option to return the companion if they chose.”
“And she chose to keep me.” Minho adds.
“Would you have sent me back, Noona? If you’d known about the recall?” Han looks up at you with his boba eyes.
“Of course not. I love you. I just wish I’d known all this so we could have been prepared. Looked forward to it, even.”
“It’s okay, Noona. I think it has worked out for the best this way.” He looks at each of you. “I’ve finally got friends!” He says gleefully.
Jules and Minho leave shortly after, to have some alone time before his “grown up pants become too big”.
Han is exhausted from his adventure, and just wants to snuggle up on your chest and watch anime. Neither of you say much. There's no point in being angry at him for venturing out alone, and you're just happy to have him back in one piece.
Neither of you are really watching the anime either. Instead you're both smiling inwardly, imagining what life is going to look like from now on.
—————-
A little update on our y/n and Hannie:
Over the next year, Han and Minho have become inseparable, spending almost as much time with each other as they do with you and Jules.
You’ve introduced Han to your family. He was so nervous at first, but once he realized they approved of him, he was okay.
He learned to play guitar, and even commissioned a guitar maker to make a scaled down working model of an acoustic guitar so he can play whenever he feels like it.
------------
@channieandhisgoonsquad @noellllslut @itsseohannbin @weareapackofstrays @xxkissesforchanniexx @starr-lvst @queenmea604 @queen-in-the-shadows @newhope8 @vanillacupcakefrosting @3rachasdomesticbanana @fun-fanfics @palindrome969 @rhonnie23 @jisunglyricist @strayywayy @yaorzu-blog @armystay89 @igetcarriedawaywithyou @everythingboutkpop @jiminssluttyminx @felixleftchickennugget @minho4cat
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hi!! may i request some arkham knight jason smut with a lot of oral? 👀
Should’ve listened
Pairing: ArkhamKnight!Jason x Fem!Reader
Warnings: SMUT 18+, Gun against jaw (for a second in a non-sexual scene), Oral, brief mention of church, semi-public sex.
Word Count: 1,426
Summary: After zoning out at a bad time, you come to learn that maybe it isn’t bad after all.
Authors note: oh my god, I forgot how feral I am for AK!Jason, like ugh, I went down a little rabbit hole of research to refresh my brain after writing so much RH!Jason and I’m sure glad I did. Thank you, Anon 💕 Gonna have to play Batman: Arkham knight again even though I’ve already finished it.
✨MASTERLISTS✨
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Your breathing faltered as the air got caught in your throat at the sight of him, your heartbeat ringing loudly in your ears. You had heard others talking about him, and you’d seen photos and videos in the media, but none of them had quite done him any sort of justice.
You couldn’t even see his face, it being covered by a full helmet with bat ears and an LED panel front, yet you were still intrigued.
The way he walked and carried himself, the way his body language demanded respect, and how his voice came out all husky and modified through the modulator had a dampness forming in your underwear.
You shook your head a little to try to clear the thoughts swarming your mind, thoughts you definitely should not in any circumstances be thinking about the Arkham Knight-
“Did you just shake your head no?” His voice abruptly cut in.
Oh, shit.
Your head shake had been a lot stronger than you had intended for it to be, causing him to think that you were disagreeing with what he had been saying to the group of mercenaries present tonight, which you had zoned out of to focus on what his hands might feel like on your body, so you had no idea what you had even accidentally said no to.
“No”
“No? Are you sure?”
“Maybe?”
Scoffing he pushed past a couple of people to get to where you were standing in the back row, looming over you as he closed the gap between you intimidatingly.
“I said that I am going to hand-pick people present here for my personal squad tonight, and you thinking that you have a say of your own makes you target number one, you shaking your head no, thinking you have freewill means you’re stuck to my side tonight… Say no to me again, and I’m going to make you wish you don’t even have a head to shake next time. Am I clear?”
“Yes” You said under your breath, distracted by how close he was to you. If you were brave enough you could reach out and touch him, run your hands along the armoured plating on his chest.
“Excuse me? Speak up” You only registered what he had said as you felt the cold barrel of his gun press into the underside of your jaw, the metal digging into your skin a little bit.
“Yes” You repeated, this time a lot louder “Yes, you are clear.”
—-------------
Oh, of course, the one day you mess up and get forced to stick to Arkham Knight’s side is the one where he decides he is going to stand on a random Gotham rooftop and overlook the city.
You’d never really been that fond of heights, not since you’d fallen off that wall at school and broken your left arm in three places. This must have been God’s way of punishing you for not going to church since you’d flown the nest.
To your right, you could see him in your peripheral setting up some sort of equipment quickly and gracefully like he had done it a thousand times before, which you realised he probably had when you turned to look at what it was and saw that it was a sniper tripod. His fingers worked smoothly to set up the rifle and attach it to the joint. As a bone-biting breeze blew through you, you began to rub your arms a little to try to generate some sort of warmth, walking over to where he was working as you began to feel a little dizzy from how close you were to the edge, you really didn’t need to be fainting and going over.
The thought made you dry heave a little which caused him to stop working momentarily. His hands paused as if he was listening to see if you were going to throw up.
“Sit” He instructed bluntly as his hands again began to move, a small tut under his breath as one of the parts didn’t quite click in as it should.
Blinking a couple of times you stayed standing for a few seconds before you immediately began to move so your arse was on the asphalt as he turned to look at you, even though you weren’t able to see his eyes you could feel them burning into you.
“Good” a small huff sounded through his modulator “Now stay there. I don’t have time to scrape you off of the pavement”
You don’t know why you did it, but you scoffed at that statement. As soon as it left your mouth you could feel the air around you tense up, oh shit.
“Excuse me?” Standing up, he walked over so that he was towering over you. Making you feel like an ant against him, the flickering LED display of his helmet causing a sense of unease to burrow deep into your gut “Up. Now. Get over there.”
—--------
You knew the Arkham Knight liked to punish those who went against him, liked to torture them until they were so out of it that even prayers and begging wouldn’t pass their lips anymore, because they knew they were already in hell.
When he told you to get up and move you were convinced you were about to go over the edge of the roof, he said he didn’t want to scrape you off of the pavement, but that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t cause the mess himself. You hadn’t ever pictured his punishments as…this.
The cold night’s air that had been cutting at your face earlier on was now cutting at your bare arse and pussy, soothing the aching handprint now present on your behind, the firm smack noise and burning sting making you aware that the handprint was now a pair. His fingers lightly rubbed against the growing welt to soothe it a little before tracing down the back of your thigh as he knelt down behind you, making you bend further over the air conditioning unit that was currently supporting your body weight.
“Keep your head forward” He demanded, not wanting to piss him off more you obeyed, keeping your eyes locked on the city view as you heard his helmet release and slide off of his head, there was a slight heavy noise as he placed it down- fuck.
Holy shit.
Your focus was interrupted by the feeling of his tongue gliding through your folds, teasingly skipping over your clit as he went. You could feel him gripping onto your thighs as he repeated the path a couple of times before he finally focused in on the bundle of nerves. Closing his lips around it he began to suck, gently at first but quickly growing in force. A whimper-like moan left your lips, causing him to spank you again “Shut up.”
Without his helmet on you could hear his voice for what it actually was. Liquid gold.
A thick Gotham accent with a husky tone to it, you didn’t really care for the specifics of his voice too much, you just know it added to the growing pressure in your stomach.
Whilst you had been distracted by what he sounded like he had decided that he was done being soft, and was now going to eat you like a starved man.
His tongue lapped at your wetness before pushing deep into you, his calloused thumb moving to circle your clit to help you reach your peak faster. Hard breathy moans vibrated into your pussy as he went, causing you to moan louder than before, but this time he didn’t silence you. Because this time he would be a hypocrite.
As you tilted your head down slightly to try to not lose yourself you could see that he had unbuckled his trousers and the tact straps that usually kept his pistols on his thighs so he could pull his trousers and boxers down to his knees, his hard cock currently trapped in his tight fist as he pumped in time with his tongue moving in and out of you.
The sight made you hit your high, releasing over his mouth and chin as you let out a strangled groan, after a few short moments you’d hear a similar noise but deeper, more masculine, before the asphalt where he was kneeling was glazed in his own spend.
“I think you should be a brat more often, Doll” He said as he kissed your inner thighs.
His boyish cocky grin would be ingrained in your brain until you died.
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#dc#jason todd#red hood#arkham knight jason#jason todd smut#jason todd x you#jason todd x reader#jason todd fanfiction#red hood x reader#red hood smut#arkham knight x reader
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how would adam in eden treat his first wife reader
Was he an asshole before eve and lilith left him?
HOOOOLY CRAP GUYS. i went down the BIGGEST rabbit hole for this (perks of being sick and having free time)… first request!!!! (AND FEEL FREE TO LEAVE MORE :)) tysm!!! and with all the background research, i cooked !!! (proofread + i tried my best to make this accurate)
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
how would adam in eden treat his first wife reader?
was he an asshole before eve and lilith left him?
(no warnings, no pronouns used, but suggested you are his wife ^_^)
— in my opinion, lucifer pretty much messed with his whole love life. i think he would be much more chill than he is now. but to try and match his character, he will be a little egoistic.
you were adam’s first wife, and to him, you meant a lot.
seriously, being the first man on earth he grew to be a bit egotistical. but, you helped tone that down from him.
you knew he thought higher of himself, but you tried to remind him that humans should all be equal.
life was wonderful in eden. after spending time in eden with him, you both realized you were falling deeply in love with each other.
“hey, i think i’m in love with you.”
adam says with a grin, and you can’t help but reply,
“me too.”
and your relationship bloomed from there. he thought you were the most wonderful woman he would ever meet.
and as a few years passed, you became adam’s wife.
he could hardly believe it, considering how dumb he was. you were like a goddess to him. beautiful in every way, even if you didn’t think so. he would always tell you how important you are to him.
you spent days upon days with him, and you would plan various things to do.
one of your favorite activities was spending a day in the warm sun, prancing in meadows and playing in creeks.
adam just adored you, sometimes he got a little embarrassed to participate because of his somewhat ‘manly’ ego, but if you asked him to do anything, no questions, he’d do it right away.
“babe, there’s a bunch of flowers in your hair.”
he says, gently leaning forward to pick some of the succulents out of your hair. you two sat in the meadow, as adam hummed while doing so.
“what happens when we die?”
you say curiously, and adam looks at you wide eyed.
“oh, sweetness, don’t worry ‘bout that, ‘kay?”
you silently nodded, curling close to him. the sun was starting to set.
you two shifted on your backs to look at the stars, and he listened intently as you mumbled about the different constellations.
and soon, he knew when your speech got slower, and your hands stopped pointing up at the sky, you had fallen to slumber. and he follows quickly.
͙͘͡★
and you remained close, in love for years to come.
when it came time for death, you both succumbed.
when you made it to heaven, you were there together.
he was so happy, happy he is able to spend the rest of eternity with you.
extra / if he left you for eve + lillith (angstyyy kinda?)
when you and adam got married, you knew this wouldn’t last forever. you love him, so so much, but you knew he didn’t love you fully.
and that’s just who he was, perhaps. he was always eyeing other women, thinking he was superior to you, and seemed to become a bit short tempered around you.
and that’s when you couldn’t take it anymore. you confronted him, tears in your eyes.
and he left.
left you for eve, left her for lillith.
you knew there was no end to it, but when you became an angel, you saw just how fucked up he was.
he was even worse now, somehow, and you knew it was all his wives fault.
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
research/long blabber about adam’s backstory i looked up to understand him further even after rewatching hazbin 4 times… adam’s first wife lilith married lucifer,, lilith and adam fought (as of religious text) demons =sinners and freedom with a life in heaven =exterminations lilith = left and kinda evil? adam =first man earliest of man and kinda worst of man? (according to lol more religious text blah blah blah) uprise because lilliths singing which adam took advantage of? alastor’s master = lillith..(theory i think) OH GOD IM SO CONFUSED anyways. lilith hates subservience (willingness to obey others unquestionably) that’s why she left adam?? adam =toxic masculinity. eve left to eat the apple from lucifer ADAMS EX-wife set lillith up? or what. first human. after his wife’s? he’s EXTRENELY cocky and arrogant in charge of annual extermination of sinners (because of overpopulation) is mean because he thinks it’s hilarious, who’s gonna stop him? adam thinks no one can change, and thinks heaven and hell is a great system. basically abuses his power.. lucifer had a baby with adam’s ex-wife and is indirectly responsible for adam losing out on paradise. adam didn’t eat the fordbifden fruit which is why he acts the way he does? god complex cuz he’s firsy man. lillith was the first woman in hazbin, lilith left because adam thought higher of himself. EVE ATE THE FRUIT of knowledge! i tried to use my brain to the max to make this so I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!!
#adam x reader#hazbin hotel adam x reader#hazbin adam x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel fanfiction#adam hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel#fanfiction#tvgirlcore#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin hotel x y/n#hazbin hotel x oc
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For soft/fluffy/comforting prompt ideas, could you do something with Crosshair and his lady, like she's been struggling with high blood pressure and associated symptoms (headaches especially during stressful moments, pounding heart, short of breath) and she's supposed to be taking it easy while they wait for the medications to come in? Just him being sweet and soft and concerned?
Thank you so much for the request, anon. I hope this hits the spot. Writing Soft!Cross is always a good time.
I’m sending you all my love if you're struggling with this. I fell down a little research rabbit hole, and it doesn’t sound fun at all 😔
Equilibrium
When your body betrays you, there’s no one else in the galaxy you’d rather have at your side.
Pairing: Crosshair x f!reader
Word count: 1.5k
Warnings: reader struggles with high blood pressure and the associated symptoms, Soft!Cross, established relationship, kisses, care and comfort, fluffy sweetness, some playful banter, Cross has some minor negative self-thoughts but we chase those away.
“And another one, kitten.” The slow slink of Crosshair’s voice offered you reassurance, slender fingers drawing soft circles on your thighs as you followed his instructions and took another deep breath.
It was Zhellday night, and you’d been getting ready to head out when the dizziness had started. You’d made it to the edge of the bed, calling out for him as you sat down before you’d had to shut your eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the planet from spinning. The shortness of breath quickly followed, your chest feeling like it was trapped in a vice as your heart pounded. You hated that the most – feeling like you couldn’t breathe.
It broke Crosshair’s heart whenever you went through this. You were so strong and had made it through so much in life, and yet it was your own body that caused you the most grief. “That’s it. You’re doing so well.” He soothed.
“I hate this.” You whine, fingers gripping the bedsheets for dear life as you will away the discomfort.
What he would give to take it away from you or to at least be able to warn you when it was about to happen. Instead, all he could do was watch as the woman he loved the most battled with her own body and be on hand with medication and comfort. His brows furrowed, lips pressing into a line. “I know, I know.” He muttered, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze.
“We’re gonna be late for dinner.” You sigh, frustration bubbling under the surface. Ever since you and Crosshair got your little place in Lower Pabu, you’d visit his siblings for dinner and games night every Zhellday. It was the highlight of your week.
“We don’t need to go,” Crosshair states, though he knows you’ll protest. You should be taking it easy until the doctor at the island’s clinic can determine the underlying cause of your high blood pressure. Although he bit his tongue whenever it came up, Crosshair couldn’t help but wonder if it was from the years of stress – of keeping him and his brothers alive during the war.
You knew you should be resting, but the thought of missing out on life was frustrating. You’d already lost so many years to the war, and for a while, you’d also thought you’d lost Crosshair. But now you could live normally, back with the man you loved. “I want to go.” You state firmly, eyes still closed as you focus on your breathing.
“Stubborn.” Amusement curled around the word, and Crosshair couldn’t hide the smile that tugged at his lips.
Letting out a small huff at the gentle teasing, your heart wasn’t just pounding now from your condition. It didn’t take much for the magnetic force of a man crouching in front of you to make your heart race – and his teasing had always hit the spot. “Pot meet kettle.”
The low rumble of Crosshair’s laugh filled the room, and your chest no longer felt so tight, breaths coming easier as the medication he’d brought you started to work its magic. Slowly, you opened your eyes, Crosshair’s hawkish gaze locked on you.
The splitting pain in your head had you screwing them shut again quickly, dragging in a quick breath as a noise of discomfort slipped from your lips. Everything had been blurry around the edges, which hadn’t helped the dizziness. “Nope. Not good.” You mumble, sighing in frustration.
“You wound me,” Crosshair replied playfully, knowing full well you hadn’t been talking about him, but he’d take some self-deprecation if it made you laugh.
He was dutifully rewarded. The soft sound of your laughter replaced his in the air, and he soaked up the sound like a dying man in the sands of Tatooine. He’d gone without it a whole year, trapped in the Empire’s clutches. He never wanted to be without it - or you - again.
“You’re still the most handsome man I know.” You insist as your laughter subsides, reaching out blindly to cup his face with one of your hands, smoothing your fingers over the angles of his face. In the four months since you’d rescued him from Mount Tantiss – along with Omega and, surprisingly, Tech - he’d started to gain back a little weight. He was still somewhat gaunt, though, cheeks hollow, but you were both taking it day by day. It was all you could do.
Taking one of your hands with his own, Crosshair lifts it, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it, lips lingering for a moment against your delicate skin. As lovely as your compliments were, he was still uncomfortable accepting them, refusing to believe them regardless of how often you said them.
Gentle fingers sought out your wrist, and more circles were rubbed against your pulse point to offer comfort and as a way for Crosshair to monitor your heart rate. It was still too high for his liking.
Pushing up onto his feet, he moved to lay down on the bed, pulling you down next to him. As much as he loved his brothers and sister – their relationship starting to return to how it had been before Order 66 – there was no question in his mind that you came first. He didn’t care if you were both late. His siblings would understand.
Shifting position, you rest your head against Crosshair’s shoulder, hand pressed to his chest, using his heartbeat and the slow rise and fall of his chest to help anchor you. With his arm wrapped around you, holding you close, his fingers brush against your back in light patterns.
You could feel the meds starting to kick in, the dizziness and headache abating as you rested against your love. Still, you kept your eyes shut.
In the comfortable silence, Crosshair could only watch you rest against him, a smile tugging at his lips. Lifting his free hand, he stroked across your cheek, thumb brushing over the little pout of your lips. As you lean into his touch, warmth coils through him.
His gaze lingers on your face, tracing the delicate lines that tell stories of laughter and tears. The weight of the past had not broken you; instead, it had moulded you into someone he admired more with each passing day. “We’ll go when you’re ready.” He murmured, his voice a gentle promise. “No rush.” Crosshair’s fingers continued offering physical reassurance.
“Thank you.” You whisper, grateful for his care. When you’d joined the boys at the start of the war as their liaison with Command, you hadn’t expected to fall so quickly for the snarky sniper.
He hadn’t expected to fall for you, either.
Snuggling a little closer, you let out a slow exhale. “You’re too good to me.”
“I try to be, love,” Crosshair answers quietly, an ache in his chest at your words. Taking care of you was the least he could do after everything that had happened – the heartbreak on your face as he’d levelled his rifle at you as you’d fled Kamino with his brothers would forever haunt him, as would your tears when he’d opted to stay on that blasted platform after Tipoca City had fallen.
Yet you’d still rescued him from Mount Tantiss, careful hands undoing the bindings that had held him down for far too long, concern on your beautiful face as you’d helped him back to the Marauder and to safety.
He didn’t deserve you, no matter how often you told him he was wrong to think that.
“And you succeed.” You reassure him, wanting to pull his mind from any spiralling thoughts. He’d been getting better over the last few months, snippets of his old self shining through, but you knew the marks from his time with the Empire would never entirely be gone.
As your head feels less like it will split apart, you crack open your eyes a sliver, just enough to see Crosshair gazing down at you, the adoration on his face almost stealing your breath. “Hi.” You whisper, pleased that he’s no longer blurry and the planet has stopped spinning.
“Hi yourself.” He replies, lips pressing to your forehead in a gentle kiss.
Humming happily at the contact, you find his gaze again in the semi-darkness of the room. “I think I’m okay now. We should head out.” You decide. There’s a lingering uncomfortableness – you still feel a little off-kilter – but it’s much better than before, and you know it’ll pass soon. Besides, you’ll always find your equilibrium with Crosshair at your side.
Crosshair’s eyes narrow slightly. He doesn’t quite believe you but won’t outwardly call you out on it. “Another few minutes.” He decides, arms tightening around you.
“Cross…” You protest, trying to wiggle away, a smile tugging at your lips, mirrored by his own.
“Shush.” He admonishes playfully, rolling onto his side so he can drag you closer, tucking you against his chest and under his chin.
You can’t help but laugh, your body shaking a little as you burrow closer to him. You can’t deny that it feels cosy and safe. Content, you don’t argue it.
Crosshair’s small smile turns to a grin as he realises he’s won. “There’s my girl.”
#Soarings Ask Box#the bad batch x reader#tbb crosshair x reader#crosshair x reader#tbb crosshair x you#crosshair x you#star wars the bad batch#crosshair the bad batch#the bad batch#tbb crosshair#the bad batch crosshair#ct 9904
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I need your hands on me, sweet relief - Q. Hughes
Summary: After another disappointing season, Quinn Hughes needs a change of scenery. Renée Moreau is just trying to figure her life out.
Also known as, the Summer in Provence.
Words: 12k
Warnings: angst, fluff, self-doubt, some bad language, hinted intimacy
A/N: Quinn has really sunk his hooks into me this off-season so I knew I had to write something for him! Provence is on my list of places to visit, so this research was really fun to do.
Title from Pretty Please, by Dua Lipa
~~~
Quinn was tired. No, he was exhausted. Every year it had been the same thing – play so hard all season, push his body to the limits, his team forcing themselves to breaking point, only to never make it into the playoffs. With the Canucks not reaching the playoffs for eight years in a row now, despite him only being on the team for half of that, the pressure was starting to take its toll.
He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.
Something needed to change, anything, before the repeated devastation broke him entirely. It felt stupid being only 23 years old and feeling so weary, but he had to do something. He had to do something to break himself out of this cycle, mentally if nothing else. If nothing changed within him, how could he expect anything to change for the team?
By the time locker clean-out day came around, Quinn was at the end of his tether. It wasn’t uncharacteristic of him to stay quiet, he knew that, so he escaped from half-hearted conversation with a promise to attend one last team event, a goodbye barbecue, before everyone went their own ways for the summer. By the time he’d driven himself home to shower off the stink of failure, Quinn had formed a vague plan for what he wanted to do.
He was going to go on vacation. By himself. For at least two weeks.
It was completely out of his comfort zone, completely different to his usual summer routine, but the more he thought about it as he scrubbed the shampoo out of his hair, the more he was convinced. He needed a break. He needed a holiday. Now, he just needed to figure out where.
Somewhere in Canada? No, that was the last thing he needed after the crash of the season. Again. Somewhere in the US? Even more of a no, with the playoffs in full swing. So somewhere abroad? Maybe…somewhere in Europe? The continent was big enough for him to hide in for a couple of weeks right?
The only thing he could think of to do was to pull up a map of Europe on his laptop the moment he got out the shower, close his eyes and have a pointed finger land on a country. Surely he could narrow it down from there, even as dumb as he felt picking a destination this way in the first place. At this point he couldn’t back out though, the desperation fuelling him, so Quinn followed his ridiculous plan – he pulled up the map, closed his eyes, took a deep breath…and placed his finger on the screen.
France.
Okay, France was good. It was a good option, plenty of different cities all across the country. One of them would work for him to unwind in, right? Somehow, he already felt lighter, just from knowing he had a vague destination. Was it really this easy? Why had he not done this before?
Before he knew it, he was spiralling down a rabbit hole of articles - ‘places to visit in France’, ‘3 months backpacking across Europe – must-see sights’, ‘gap year in France’ to name a few – and his eyes kept catching on a name. Provence. And the more he looked into the region, the more he fell in love with its beauty; it had everything from wine tasting to lavender fields to historical towns, and he could almost guarantee that no-one would know who he was. Perfect. Narrowing things down from Europe to France to Provence...and he eventually settled on an ancient medieval town right on the river Rhône, called Avignon. It looked so idyllic, and full of things to do (as well as close distance to plenty of other things to do). Something in his bones was telling him this was the place. This was it, the place where he could disappear to for two weeks to reset and refresh from the season.
And it wasn’t hard to get to either – it almost felt a little too easy. Quinn wasn’t used to things just falling into his lap like this, like it was too good to be true. A 13-hour flight from Detroit to Lyon, and then an hour by train from Lyon to Avignon? And a pretty little apartment in the centre of Avignon for far less than he’d been expecting? It was all there in front of him, timings and pricings included – could he really just book it and disappear for a couple of weeks?
What was holding him back?
Before he could chicken out, Quinn filled in his payment details for the flights, clicking through all the submission pages until a booking confirmation was in front of him, and he let out a shaky breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. There was no going back now. He quickly booked the apartment too, making sure the dates and timings lined up, and once he had that confirmation page in front of him, he found himself laughing a little incredulously.
He'd done it. He’d really done it. He was going to Avignon in Provence, France, for the first two weeks of May and there was nothing that was going to stop him.
For the first time in as long as he could remember, Quinn felt free.
~~~
It took Quinn all of his willpower not to spill his plans to his family while he waited out the month before his trip arrived, not telling any of the Canucks either at the end of season barbecue. It helped that Jack (and his team) were in the first round of the playoffs and thriving, easy to pour his focus into supporting his brother there, his family’s full attention on his little brother just as he deserved.
There was just something in his gut telling him to keep quiet. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to distract from Jack’s playoffs, but he knew deep down that he just didn’t want anyone to worry. Because they would. Taking a trip so far away just to change things up? No-one would understand. They’d just fuss and stress and make Quinn feel worse than he already did – so he just didn’t say anything. Maybe it was a little selfish, but he didn’t care.
After a hockey season like he’d had, he just didn’t care.
It was easy enough to pack a suitcase without anyone noticing either, easy enough to have it waiting by his bedroom door with his passport tucked into a rucksack along with a couple of books he’d been meaning to read for a while, easy enough to call a taxi to take him to Detroit airport early in the morning before anyone in the house was awake.
It wasn’t until that he’d checked in and dropped off his suitcase, until he’d walked through security and gotten himself a much-needed coffee, that he pulled out his phone and opened up his family group chat.
From: Quinn Just wanted to let you all know that I’m heading off to France for a vacation. I’ll be gone for two weeks. Best of luck in the second round of the playoffs Jacky!
From: Luke Wait, what? Tell me you’re joking. Mom did you know?
With that, he put his phone on airplane mode, not daring to wait for any more messages to come through. The fact that Luke was awake this early was bad enough. It was the coward’s way out, he knew that, but at least he told them all, right?
With a sigh, Quinn tucked his phone into his rucksack, alongside the travel adapter for his charging cable he’d had to buy moments ago, and pulled out one of his books, sinking deeper into his chair. Only 30 minutes until his flight would be called – the sooner the better.
The rest of Quinn’s journey faded into a blur. Going to the gate. Boarding the plane. Taking off. Eating. Watching a movie. Eating again. Reading his book. Taking a nap. One final snack before landing. Waiting for his suitcase. The train journey to Avignon. The taxi to his apartment, not being awake enough to do anything other than show the driver the address he’d saved on his phone.
By the time Quinn collected the key from the dropbox and stumbled into the apartment, it was all he could do to dump his suitcase in the living room and kick off his clothes ahead of faceplanting into the bed, jet lag dragging him down into a deep sleep with a smile on his face.
He’d made it to France. Provence. Avignon. He could finally rest.
~~~
Renée Moreau felt like she was at a standstill. She’d followed all the steps in the playbook – worked hard in high school, gone to college, graduated with a degree in Communications from the University of Ottawa – but now she was at a loss. There was no rulebook for what to do when you reach adulthood, other than the societal expectations to get a job, settle down, get married, have a family. But she was only 23 years old and single as hell – there would be no marriage and babies happening any time soon, of that she was certain, and as for getting a job? She just didn’t know what she wanted. She didn’t know what would make her happy.
She was at a standstill. She was lost.
Sure, Renée had worked a couple of odd temp jobs after coming home to Montreal but nothing that resonated with her, much to her parents’ dismay. She loved them – truly she did – but their expectations for her future didn’t line up with her own in her current stage in life, and she knew that seeing her get more and more run down with each job that didn’t feel right only made things harder. It got to the point, after 9 months, where her parents suggested that they could pay for her to take a three-month travel break to Europe on the condition that she would work for her father’s company when she returned. It felt like an easy way out, something she’d desperately tried to avoid…but after the past 9 months, she knew she needed to do something.
So she’d agreed, much to her parents’ elation.
Renée decided on France, in the end. It was her first language after all, having grown up in Ville-Marie in Montreal, and after a bit of serious research with her parents she’d made a rough plan, starting with Paris.
Her parents paid for her 90-day Schengen visa, bought her plane tickets and paid for all her accommodation as belated graduation presents and her birthday present combined, but she would pay for all food and excursions & activities out of her savings from the various jobs she’d worked since graduating. She knew she was privileged, more so than a lot of her friends, let alone the strangers she’d met on her travels, so she knew she couldn’t take her time away for granted.
Like most things, it turned out her parents were right. The trip away, travelling around France, was exactly what she needed.
For her first month, March, she travelled around exclusively by trains. Her first full week was spent in Paris, the perfect start to her trip to soak in all the culture and history, and then after that she went to Rennes for five days, then Poitiers for five days, then Saint-Jean for five days, and finally Bordeaux for a full week.
In the last few days of March, Renée hired a car to drive to Lyon, staying there for a full week to take her into April, and then on to Toulouse for five days. Next, she drove down to the southern coast, visiting Narbonne for three days, Beziers for three days, Montpellier for five days, Marseille for five days, and Nice for five days, before finally heading to Avignon. Within her first two days there, she’d quickly fallen in love with the medieval town, so had decided to stay for her entire last month. Her parents found her an apartment that would let her stay for the full 30 days, so while she was based in Avignon, she kept that hire car and planned to travel around to different places within Provence, to get the full experience.
It was hard to believe she only had one month left before she had to head home to Montreal.
Still, she knew there was something different about Avignon, something that drew her in, something that was telling her to spend her time there – so she was following her gut, just waiting for the universe to give her a sign.
And on the first of May, everything changed.
Renée was on her way back up to her apartment after picking up a few breakfast items from the local bakery, the old lady Vivienne who ran the place having given her a couple extra croissants with a sweet smile, only to see a stranger walking down the corridor towards her. He was tall, maybe 5ft 10, with fairly broad shoulders and toned arms. His dark hair was fluffy and unkempt, his pale skin a little unnatural with its purple bags under his eyes, and he barely looked conscious. Out of instinct, she held her bag a little tighter to her chest, even though he looked a little lost rather than intimidating. But still…she simply smiled politely, hoping that this wouldn’t end badly.
“Good morning. Are you new to the building?”
The man blinked sleepily at her, silent for a moment, before he shook his head.
“I’m sorry, I don’t speak much French. Do you speak English?”
She huffed out a laugh, her nerves fading a little. American. She could recognise the accent easily, different from her own French-Canadian, even if he was slightly slurred with sleep. “I do speak English. Are you…lost?”
He looked confused for a moment. “No?”
“I originally asked if you are new to the building,” she added.
“Oh, yes, I rented out that apartment for two weeks. Only arrived last night and I am super jetlagged, so I’m sorry if I’m a little loopy?” he said, smiling sheepishly.
Bless his heart. That explained a lot.
“I’m Renée, I’m staying in the apartment next door,” she said, holding her hand out.
He smiled warmly at her as he shook her offered hand, a sweetness that sent unexpected butterflies roaring through her stomach.
“Quinn. Sorry if I startled you. I promise I’m not this weird when I’m fully functioning,” he said, still smiling.
She couldn’t help but laugh at his self-deprecation, shaking her head.
“Don’t worry about it. I just want to check though…are you heading out to get breakfast?”
“Uh, yeah, I was planning on it – why?” he asked, confused.
“Not a lot of stores in Avignon speak a lot of English, at least not near us right now, so you might want to wait to venture out until you’re properly awake,” she teased.
Quinn blushed slightly, even as he groaned.
“Ah shit, I didn’t think of that,” he admitted, his smile shifting to a wry one.
She hesitated for a moment, before steeling herself. If her trip across France in the past two months had told her anything, it was to follow her gut instincts.
“Do you want to come into my apartment for breakfast? I have extra croissants, a bunch of different jams, and plenty of orange juice?” she offered.
His lips parted in surprise before his cheeks coloured again. Interesting. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” she mused, nodding, “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t, and we’re going to be neighbours for a little while at least, right?”
“Right.”
Renée opened her front door, Quinn following her in, closing the door behind himself gently. She smiled to herself as he curiously took in the apartment, probably no different than his other than the positioning of furniture, so she left him to look around while she unloaded four croissants from the bag and pulled out a few options of jam as well as the fresh butter in the butter dish she’d bought (that was definitely coming home with her). She gestured wordlessly for Quinn to sit at the breakfast island as she started loading the counter space in front of him, pulling out two plates, a butter knife as well as a few jam knives, and then finally the orange juice and a couple of glasses. It wasn’t much, nor had she entertained anyone other than herself in the couple days she’d been in Avignon, but it was perfect for her.
“Please dig in. It’s humble but it’s tasty, I promise,” Renée said, smiling.
Quinn just nodded shyly, reaching for a croissant. She tried not to watch him as she prepared her own breakfast, but it was hard not to enjoy the pure joy on his face at his face bite of buttery croissant, her smile catching his attention.
“Sorry, it’s just so good,” he mumbled.
“Definitely don’t apologise,” she laughed, shaking her head, “I’m sure I made the same face when I had my first croissant here. And if you think this is good – wait until you try the fresh bread. You’ll never eat processed cut loaves back home again.”
Quinn just groaned, taking another bite, making her laugh softly. She could appreciate a guy who appreciated good food.
“I think I’m going to really enjoy staying here for two weeks,” he finally said, after he’d eaten one half of his croissant.
“Two weeks huh? That’s a pretty decent amount of time to spend. What’s brought you out here then?” she asked.
Sue her, but she was curious. The exhaustion wasn’t just showing in his body – it was in his eyes too. Was he running from something?
“It’s just been a really hard year. With work, mostly. I haven’t had a proper break and I really needed one, so I pointed to a map, chose France, and spiralled down an internet rabbit hole until I settled on Avignon. It seemed like a good place to unwind and rest, at least for a couple of weeks. One of my best friends is getting married in July, so I wanted to be in a better place, mentally at least, before then,” he explained.
That definitely wasn’t the whole story, she could tell, but it was more than enough to explain the basics at least. She could understand wanting to get away from everything to reset at least.
“I’m sorry that everything’s been really difficult, but I promise you that Avignon is a great place for a vacation break. I haven’t been here long but I’m already feeling great,” she said firmly.
“Well if it’s any different than Vancouver, then I’ll be happy,” he mused.
Vancouver?
She could’ve sworn his accent was American.
Oh wait.
Oh.
Quinn.
Vancouver.
The year had been really hard for him.
You can take a girl out of Canada but you can’t take Canada out of the girl. She knew exactly who he was – Quinn Hughes, star defenceman of the Vancouver Canucks. How could she not have realised who he was?
But clearly, he was in Avignon to escape everything, to take a break from his real life and rest. She couldn’t tell him that she knew who he was, at least not right now. He deserved a little time at least to recover from the Canucks terrible season, and she could absolutely give that to him.
“Do you want me to show you around Avignon today and tomorrow? Show you the basics of our little neighbourhood like groceries and coffee shops and restaurants, as well as the tourist sites?”
“Oh I couldn’t impose,” he said quickly.
“Quinn, I’m offering because I’m happy to, I promise. Besides, you said you don’t speak much French and you might need the help, at least for the local parts,” she said, teasing a little at the end.
He blushed lightly before huffing out a laugh. “Alright, if you’re sure. I would love the guide help.”
“Great, it’s a plan! Now, please have another croissant and try another jam flavour. You won’t regret it.”
~~~
For the rest of his first day in Avignon, Quinn blearily followed Renée around, letting her help him pick up basic groceries to get him started as well as heading to a coffee shop to clear some of the fuzziness out of his head. They sat and talked for hours at the coffee shop, sitting outside on the edge of a square, just letting the sights and sounds flow over him, listening to Renée’s interesting stories about the neighbourhood.
He didn’t know if it was still the jetlag or not, but the fact that a girl as beautiful as her was paying attention to him was exactly what he needed in that moment. Her blonde curls were bouncy and shined like liquid gold in the midday sun. Her big brown eyes were almost doll-like, captivating and full of emotion. Her smile was entrancing, her laugh was like music to his ears, and she had curves for days that were simply mouthwatering. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had captured his attention like this, especially not this quickly, but after all this season had been, to have this girl willing to spend time with him? It was everything.
Quinn was still suffering with jetlag pretty badly though, which Renée noticed and clearly took pity on him for, because she kept the rest of their day pretty light, mostly just walking him around the neighbourhood, showing him roughly where the main sights were ahead of a bigger day tomorrow. Which…she still wanted to spend time with him after a day of him being pretty useless other than happily basking in her conversation? Mind blowing.
The little local restaurant that she’d taken him to that night was just the cherry on top of an incredible first day.
Just like she’d promised, Renée had ramped up activities for his second day in Avignon. He’d put up a token protest at first, not wanting her to waste time with him when she had her own vacation to enjoy, but she’d insisted that she wanted to do the touristy things too. That, and he could ‘pay her back’ for translating everything by taking some cute photos of her rather than her having to rely on selfies to send to her family.
He'd blushed, obviously, but agreed quickly. It was hardly a hardship to take a few photos of her, especially when they would all be cute.
Renée ended up taking the two of them on a basic tour of some of the main sights on Avignon. The first being the Palais des Papes fortress, which he’d read about before his trip and was actually excited to explore, even more so when Renée told him that on summer evenings there was an impressive light show there that explained the history of Avignon (which the two of them ended up attending that very evening after dinner in the little local restaurant again, with a flask of spiked hot chocolate). She’d also taken him to the Pont d’Avignon, a beautiful medieval bridge where only four arches survived. After stopping for lunch in a little café, the two of them had wandered around the flower market and farmer’s market at Place des Carmes – not buying anything but just taking in the sights and people watching, soaking in the atmosphere.
In the afternoon, she’d driven the two of them 30 minutes away to visit the Roman Pont du Gard – a UNESCO World Heritage site for a beautiful ancient Roman aqueduct bridge, where he’d taken way too many photos…and Renée had even taken a couple of him in various poses.
For the memories, she’d insisted.
How could he refuse?
Day three found them a little more chilled out. Renée liked to keep a balance, apparently, of chilled days and packing in touristy activities, which Quinn was more than happy to indulge in if it meant spending more time with her. It felt a little silly to be focusing his time around someone he’d only just met, but there was just something about her. Something that made him want to spend time with her rather than isolating himself. And it wasn’t like he’d set out with much of a plan other than getting away from everything back home.
The main thing they did on his third day was walking around the flea market in Place des Carmes, the same place that the flower and farmer’s markets were in the day before, before sitting in the square afterwards in coffee shop to watch the world go by. It was exactly what he needed after the intense day that yesterday had been, and it just gave him more of an excuse to get to know her a little better, even volunteering a little information about himself as well. Not much, but still a little, enough to make her smile at least.
On their way back to their apartments, Renée had insisted on picking up groceries for dinner, promising to cook for him (which he was never going to say no to), as well as taking him in a couple of little trinket stores she’d found on her own first day, some of which he knew he’d be returning to for gifts to take back home. But that wasn’t something he was letting himself think about right now – home. Right now, all he wanted to do was focus on the beautiful girl next to him, so full of joy and wonder and excitement, soaking in her energy.
She’d cooked him a grilled fish dish, paired with sautéed vegetables and potatoes, inspired by one of the restaurants she’d eaten at in Marseille. It was incredible, the best fish he’d ever eaten and he wasn’t even exaggerating – she blushed all the same when he complimented her cooking though, brushing herself off as amateur. If he could pick up even a little of her sense of adventure, he knew he’d be all the better for it.
When they were sitting on her sofa, dishes rinsed and in the sink, both sipping on a glass of wine, Quinn felt like he’d been transported to another world. Finding peace and comfort this quickly on a trip that he’d booked on a whim? It was the last thing he’d been expecting.
“You know, you already look a little lighter,” Renée said, breaking their comfortable silence.
“I feel it. My…job really can be so stressful. I hadn’t realised it was this bad though,” he admitted.
Renée seemed to hesitate slightly before smiling. “I can imagine the hockey season is draining.”
The hockey season. She knew. Oh fuck, she knew who he was? He found himself freezing, no idea what his face was doing but it was enough for Renée to wince.
“I’m not French. At least, I’m not from France. I’m from Montreal, born and raised,” she admitted, nerves all over her face now, “I swear I’m not going to post on social media about you or even tell anyone about you. Your reasons for taking a break are yours and yours alone.”
Quinn let out a shaky breath, trying to smile but he clearly failed because Renée pulled out her phone with a determined look.
“Here, my Instagram. And I can show you facebook too. I don’t have whatever the hell twitter is now and I never have done. I haven’t posted about you and I won’t, I promise. I’m not lying,” she said firmly.
Quinn took the offered phone, scrolling a little through her Instagram posts, noting that there hadn’t been anything posted since they’d met three days ago. He still felt a little shaky but the fact that she went out of her way to prove to him, to reassure him…it helped, a little.
“Thank you for your honesty,” he murmured.
“I didn’t realise straight away. Not until you mentioned Vancouver,” she added.
Well that was something at least.
“I was so sure that no-one would recognise me this far away from home,” he said softly.
She winced again, before smiling sadly.
“If you want, we can go our separate ways and you don’t have to see me again for the whole two weeks you’re here. I don’t want to ruin your time away. That’s literally the last thing I want.”
The full two weeks without seeing her? Something about that sat badly in his stomach, sinking like a stone, and he found himself shaking his head.
“No. No I don’t want that. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, not judging me for being a hot mess, and I believe you when you say that you won’t tell anyone I’m here. My parents and brothers know I’m in France but that’s literally it. Anyone else that wants to know where I am can ask them,” Quinn explained, “I’m enjoying spending time with you, if you don’t mind spending it with me.”
“Alright, if you’re sure. Because I’m definitely enjoying spending time with you,” she said, her smile a little shy now.
For some reason, her shyness made his breath hitch in his chest, enough for him to need to cough it away.
“I’m sure. I’m pretty sure my French isn’t up to the task anyway,” he said, trying to shift the tone of conversation a little, to ease the tension he felt creeping up his neck.
Renée just laughed, making him blush slightly. That was better, even if it was at his expense.
“Your bakery order this morning wasn’t half bad! You’ll get there,” she teased, “Was there anything in particular that you wanted to see or do while you’re here?”
“The only thing I’d really read about that we haven’t seen is the lavender fields?” he suggested.
Renée grinned and nodded, making him smile. “There’s beautiful lavender fields in Sault that I was hoping to go to. Maybe we could go together?”
Quinn nodded in response, his body sinking into the sofa, releasing tension he hadn’t realised he was holding. She knew who he was...and the world hadn’t ended. She still wanted to spend time with him. He still got to spend time with her. Was this a dream? It felt like a dream.
“I definitely want to do a wine tour of some kind. There’s so many vineyards around here it would be silly not to. And I kind of wanted to do a day trip to Arles, maybe another to Aix-en-Provence, but there’s also the Musée de Petit Palais here in Avignon that I haven’t been to yet which is meant to be beautiful? It’s another UNESCO World Heritage Site, and I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy it too?”
Quinn just took another sip of his wine, allowing her enthusiastic words to wash over him. Whatever she wanted to do, he was here for it. And he couldn’t wait.
~~~
Renée felt like she was floating through a dream. She’d honestly expected Quinn to want nothing to do with her after she admitted knowing who he was, but the fact that he was still willing to spend time with her? To indulge her in all the things she wanted to visit just because he didn’t really have much of a plan himself? Well she was absolutely going to take advantage of that, if it meant spending a little more time with the cutest boy she’d ever met.
For day four of Quinn’s trip, she took him on a Rhône Valley wine tour, just as she’d promised, the two of the tasting all different wines including Châteauneuf-du-Pape, Rasteau, Gigondas, Vacqueyras, Cairanne, Tavel, Lirac, Visan, Sablet and Séguret, across four leading wine estates. It was a long day, long and so much fun, with only two couples joining them on the tour, so they’d had plenty of private time together to enjoy the day as well as pick up a couple of bottles to bring back to the apartment as well as a couple of bottles for home. The two of them had stumbled back to his apartment, barely remembering to pick up some bread and cheese to soak up some of the alcohol, which they’d decimated before passing out on his sofa.
Waking up on day five snuggled into Quinn’s side had been worth the hangover.
The two of them had agreed to keep the day as a quiet one, Renée having volunteered to go out to pick them up fresh bread and fruit and coffee after they’d both showered, spending most the morning reading in a comfortable silence before they ventured out for coffee in the same square as their first day, getting to know each other even more now that he could be more open with her. The two of them traed stories of ridiculous friends and hangovers of time past, before heading back to the little local restaurant they’d been to a couple of times already for dinner again, not wanting to break the happy chilled vibe they’d managed to curate over the day.
On day six, Quinn had surprised her with a trip out to the village of Gordes (with her driving, of course), to a spa day in the Airelles Spa. He’d apparently already booked all their treatments, paying the moment they arrived, and considering how fancy the place was, Renée couldn’t even imagine how much money he’d spent on her. But he’d stayed firm in his decision, a streak of confidence that sent her heartbeat fluttering just that little bit faster. It was a side of him she hadn’t seen before, but if he wanted to treat her to a day of relaxation, she wasn’t going to complain.
Alongside the typical swimming pool and steam room, both of them had a neck, shoulders and scalp massage, followed by a thermal mud mineral wrap, and finishing off with a ‘golden glow’ facial. It was honestly the most relaxed Renée had ever felt, but the fact that she did all of this alongside Quinn? With him looking like years of stress had been lifted off of him? She barely had the words to describe it. It didn’t help that he spent the day in bathing shorts and her in a one-piece swimming costume – his toned torso was distracting enough. The spa itself wasn’t that busy at all, so the two of them had essentially the whole place to themselves most the time, and Renée felt like she’d grown closer to him throughout the day more than she ever had to any friend, let alone any guy. It was a personal intimacy, to spend such time in platonic closeness, leaving her a bit overwhelmed with the whole situation, if she was being honest.
Quinn’s pleased smile while they had an early dinner in the village of Gordes kept her quiet though. If he was happy, she was happy.
It was on day seven that everything changed.
The two of them had strolled along the Rhône river in the morning with a cup of coffee each, taking in the scenery and taking their time, heading to the jardin du Rocher des Doms for a picnic. Quinn had brought along one of their bottles of wine from their wine tour, and they’d picked up a second bottle alongside some water, fresh bread, sharp cheese, grapes and strawberries, as well as a couple of chocolate studded pastries from the bakery, all carefully placed into Quinn’s rucksack with a blanket from Renée’s sofa. The two of them settled on a vacant patch of grass away from most other groups, giving them the illusion of privacy, Quinn pouring them a glass of their wine before raising his glass in a toast.
“To the most amazing holiday of my life. To meeting an amazing new friend. To another week of this bliss.”
Renée blushed lightly but clinked her glass against his, taking a sip of the wine that instantly sent her back to the day of their tour with its smooth taste. She cleared her throat, shaking her head to bring her back to the present, smiling at Quinn’s confused look.
“It’s nothing. Shall we eat?”
And the two of them did, a bite at a time, soft bread with sharp cheese with refreshing grapes, saving the strawberries and pastries for dessert, talking for the several hours it took them to finish all the food while they basked in the sunshine and light breeze, long enough to finish both bottles of wine as well. Long enough that Renée felt a little light-headed from the alcohol and the company, Quinn’s soft sweet eyes making her head swirl.
She must’ve stayed silent, caught in his gaze, for long enough that Quinn stopped talking too, staring at her eyes in confusion before his gaze flicked down to her mouth. Her breath hitched in her throat, Quinn’s lips parting in a shaky breath…before he leaned over and kissed her, a gentle hand cupping her face.
And then he quickly pulled away, eyes wide in a panic.
“Fuck, Renée, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…well, I did, but-”
Renée pressed a finger to his lips to stop his rambling, let out a shaky breath of her own. Quinn just froze, eyes still wide in panic, not daring to move.
“You kissed me. Why?” she managed to say, before removing her finger, feeling the phantom presence of his lips on her skin.
His tongue darted out to wet his lips before he huffed out a laugh.
“Because I wanted to? Because you’re beautiful and hilarious and so cool and it seemed like a good idea at the time?”
Oh wow. That…wasn’t what she was expecting. He thought she was beautiful?
“You think I’m beautiful?” she murmured.
“Yeah, I do.”
It was all Renée could do to lean forward and kiss him again. Quinn made a soft noise of surprise but didn’t hesitate to kiss her back, his hand sliding across her cheek to cup her cheek again. The kisses stayed soft and slow and sweet, only a hint of tongue, but they sent electricity thrumming through Renée’s veins all the same. Never had such an innocent embrace set her heart racing like this. Never. Never had such a sweet boy kissed her so sweetly.
She didn’t know how long they spent kissing, time losing all meaning as she lost herself in his lips, both of them breathless by the time she pulled away.
“Wow,” was all she could murmur, Quinn’s lips looking as swollen as hers felt.
Quinn just laughed, breathless and carefree, making her dart forward to press one last lingering kiss to his lips, earning a soft moan of protest from him when she sat backwards.
“We could, um…”
She trailed off, rubbing the back of her neck, feeling uncharacteristically awkward. He just smiled softly at her.
“We could what?” he prompted.
Her cheeks flushed with a light blush, feeling bold with her thoughts.
“I really liked kissing you. And I know we’ve only known each other a week…but we could fool around no strings for your last week here? There’s no harm in it, right? A little summer vacation fling?”
The moment the words left her lips, she felt mortified. She’d never even thought about doing something like this before, let alone suggesting it, and the fact that Quinn looked stunned didn’t help her feel any better about acting like a floozy.
“Yes.”
His breathy confirmation brought her out of her thoughts, and a smile spread across her face before she could stop herself.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I’d like that,” Quinn nodded, smiling back at her. “You’re right, there’s no harm in it. I really liked kissing you too.”
Well that was all she needed to hear. Renée leaned forward again, sliding her hand into his hair this time, letting the feeling of his curls between her fingers ground her as she kissed him slowly, unable to stop herself smiling as Quinn kissed her back with a happy sigh.
And that was how they spent the rest of their afternoon, shifting between slow kisses and sweet conversation, sipping the water they’d brought along too, before they eventually headed back to their apartments, changing quickly before heading out to dinner in the little local restaurant they’d been to most nights now, holding hands the entire walk. It felt a little surreal, if she was being honest, that a guy as cute as Quinn was happy to fool around with her when he could have anyone else he wanted. But there was no way she was taking back her crazy proposition now, not if she could have just a little bit of him before he left in seven days.
Spending a couple of hours making out on his sofa before she went back to her own apartment to sleep was the perfect way to end a perfect day.
~~~
He couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Not when she left his apartment last night after they made out for hours on his sofa, soft and sweet shifting to heated and intense. Not when he tried to sleep but couldn’t get the thought of the way her body felt straddling his waist, his hands desperate to move from where he’d planted them on her waist. Not when he woke up hard as a rock, needing no more than a few moments and a gasp of her name before he was dizzy all over again.
The moment that Renée’s surprising suggestion had reached his ears, he’d felt like he was in an alternative dimension. Things like this didn’t happen to him. Not in real life. Not to him.
And yet here he was, sitting beside her while she drove them out to Arles for a day trip, lips still buzzing where she’d kissed him good morning and passed him a cup of fresh coffee.
But it wasn’t just the physical aspects of it all that was consuming him, as incredible as it all was. He was falling for her, fast. He wasn’t stupid, as much as the hockey player stereotype usually proved. He knew enough about himself to know that Renée was exactly his type – beautiful, funny, smart, and so full of a genuine happy energy. Loved trying new things. Found the little stories of everything fascinating. Had excellent taste in wine. Was an amazing cook. Had a laugh that made his heartbeat race. It was insane how much he already liked her, and it felt stupid the more he thought about because he’d only known her a week. Just one week, seven days, and she had him caught hook, line, and sinker. He still wasn’t sure how he was lucky enough that she was even interested in fooling around with him but he wasn’t going to waste this opportunity, as much as it was probably going to break his heart when he went back home.
But if this morning’s kiss was anything to go by, with the way that he was still floating on air right now, maybe it was exactly what he needed after all.
It only took 45 minutes for them to drive to Arles, Renée finding parking easily with the mid-week calm.
They headed straight to the Arènes d'Arles, the Roman amphitheatre, taking a tour of the incredible two tier structure as well as taking a bunch of photo of each other – as well as a couple of selfies for their own personal stashes. Unfortunately there wasn’t a concert that night – which, if he’d known there were concerts here, he would’ve planned better – and the bullfighting wasn’t on either, but it was still incredible to wander about the 2,500 year history.
The two of them also headed on the Van Gogh walk, Quinn having no idea that the artist had actually lived in Arles for 16 months in the late 19th century. What was incredibly endearing was Renée’s enthusiasm for spotting the locations referenced in his art work, including the Quai du Rhône for the starry night, and Lamartine Square for the yellow house. The walk took them several hours but by the time they’d reached the end of it, Renée was practically giddy, and that alone was worth it for Quinn.
After a lunch stop, the two of them headed to the Cloître Saint-Trophime, another incredible UNESCO World Heritage Site, exploring the cathedral and grounds at their usual easy pace, snapping a few photos – until an older lady approached them with a smile.
“Vous êtes un beau couple. Tu veux que je prenne une photo?”
Renée immediately blushed but nodded, handing her phone over. Quinn just looked at her, curiously.
“She says we’re a beautiful couple and asked if we would like a photo.”
Oh wow. He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips, sliding his arm over Renée’s shoulders as she wrapped an arm around his waist, leaning into his body as the lady snapped a couple of photos of them. She returned Renée’s phone with an indulgent smile, Renée murmuring a soft merci beaucoup in thanks, and Quinn wasted no time in throwing an arm over her shoulder again to see her phone screen.
The first photo took his breath away, with how easy they looked together. The old lady was right – they did look like a beautiful couple.
“You look so happy,” Renée said softly, smiling up at him.
“I am happy,” he said honestly.
Her cheeks flushed and she quickly looked back down at her phone, but he knew that she was smiling.
“I promise not to post it anywhere,” she said quickly.
Because there was no denying that this wasn’t just friendship in that photo.
“Okay, sure. Can you still send it to me though?” he asked hopefully.
She giggled but nodded, sending the photo by airdrop before leaning up to give him a quick kiss. As she pulled away, Quinn felt just as breathless as he did the first time he kissed her. It was getting harder and harder to deny his feelings, that was for sure.
The two of them spent a little more time in Arles before driving back to Avignon, going to their separate apartments to freshen up before heading out for dinner. Typically, they headed out to their little local restaurant – hell, they were practically regulars at this point – and their usual waitress showed them to a table in the corner.
The waitress murmured something to Renée after she handed them their menus, making Renée blush deeply and laugh as she walked away, to which Quinn just looked at her curiously.
“Maude was teasing us. Said it’s about that that we admitted our romance,” Renée admitted.
Well damn. First the old lady in Arles and now their waitress? Did they really look that natural together?
“Alors.”
Quinn startled slightly at Maude’s voice, but let out a huff of laughter as she presented a bottle of ruby red wine. The waitress rattled off a stream of fast French, to which Renée laughed again, shaking her head.
“She said the wine is free for new lovers.”
Now it was Quinn’s turn to blush, earning laughter from both women.
“Merci pour le vin,” he stumbled out, his translation hesitant.
But Maude just beamed, patting his shoulder.
“Bien!”
He slumped back in his chair, letting Renée order for them both, knowing that she could see he was a little overwhelmed and also knowing the food he liked by now. It was easy. Too easy. Why was he getting himself so worked up about this?
“Cheers, Quinn.”
Renée’s soft words brought him out of his thoughts, seeing her raising a glass of the wine to him and that she’d already poured him a glass too, so he quickly lifted his glass with a smile and clinked it gently against hers.
It was very good wine.
True to form, the two of them spent a couple of hours eating, talking, and drinking, just basking in each other’s company, and Quinn tried not to let himself overthink things. No strings, easy fun. He could roll with this.
It was late when the two of them ended up back in his apartment, kissing the moment that Quinn shut the door behind them, and they stumbled over to the sofa without breaking apart. It was consuming, heated, passionate like never before, and Quinn found himself sliding his hands under her clothes, helping her undress as she helped him undress too. It wasn’t until they were down to their underwear that Quinn pulled away to take a ragged breath, eyes roving over her tanned skin bathed in the moonlight that streamed in through the windows.
“Bed?” he asked, more than a little breathless as his hands clutched at her bare waist.
“Yes, take me to bed Quinn,” she murmured.
He didn’t need to be asked twice.
~~~
The next few days felt like they flew by. Renée tried to hold onto each moment, to savour each memory, but when each moment was just as happy as the last, it was hard to distinguish them. Throughout days nine, ten, eleven, and twelve of Quinn’s trip, Renée tried hard to make sure that he experienced as many local things as well as a couple of more exciting trips, to keep his vacation as full as possible.
In Avignon, the two of them visited the Musée de Petit Palais, another UNESCO World Heritage Site, home to an incredible collection of paintings from the 13th to the 15th century. They also went to the Cathédrale Notre-Dame-des-Doms. It was right next to the Palais des Papes, where they’d visited earlier in their trip, and well worth the visit – the frescoes, marble statues and golden statue of the Virgin Mary in the interior were incredible, and another moment for a few photos of the two of them.
Those were mostly for Renée’s memories at this point. She wasn’t going to lie to herself.
As a fun activity, Renée booked them on a lunchtime cruise along The Rhône, listening to the tour guide give them a fascinating description from the water’s edge, murmuring the translation into Quinn’s ear as they went – a perfect excuse to sit practically in his lap, although she didn’t think he minded with the way he had his arm wrapped tight around her waist.
They also took a day trip to Aix-en-Provence, just as she’d asked for. It took them just over an hour to drive, easy in the morning traffic, and she felt lost in the incredible art history, grateful to Quinn for indulging her yet again. They visited the art studio of Cezanne, as well as his works displayed in the Granet Museum. The museum also displayed works by Picasso, Rembrandt, and Ingres, all of which Quinn listened to her ramble about with avid attention. They had an extended coffee break in Cours Mirabeau, visited the beautiful Vendôme Pavilion, before eating a romantic candlelit dinner looking over a busy square, all light up with twinkling lights.
Her favourite day though? A trip to the local farmer’s market again, when they’d eaten fresh peaches and kissed the slick juice off each other’s lips.
All of this mixed with intense incredible sex every single day only led Renée to one conclusion. She was falling in love with him, slowly but surely, and she felt so damn stupid when she realised it, lying naked in his arms while Quinn snored quietly next to her. How could she not feel stupid? He was leaving soon – he only had two days left in Avignon – and there was nothing she could do about it. She was the one that suggested no strings fun after all, although she should’ve known that would’ve come back around to bite her in the ass.
Nothing good could come from this realisation. Nothing at all.
But she would be damned if she wasn’t going to live these final two days with him to the fullest.
~~~
Quinn woke up on his penultimate day with a heavy heart. Not because of the beautiful woman lying naked in his arms, no. Well…no, not really. It wasn’t her fault, after all, that he was falling in love with her. She’d never asked for that, nothing more than fooling around, but here he was thinking like a fool anyway.
That didn’t stop him from kissing the sleepy smile off her face when she woke up, happily making her cry out his name with his face between her thighs too.
After the two of them had showered separately in their own apartments, because he knew damn well that he couldn’t keep his hands off her at this point, they headed out to central Avignon for their final day trip. Today, they were heading to Sault, to the lavender fields, as part of a half day trip with a private guide. Apparently the trips were for a maximum of eight people in a minibus, but there was only one other couple booked in for their trip today, so Quinn was buzzing about having more private time with Renée.
The ride from Avignon only took one hour, but before they got to the fields, they made a stop at the lavender distillery Arôma Plantes. Alongside a little museum, where they learnt about lavender oil production, there was a little store, where Quinn happily bought a ton of gifts for his family to take home with him, and Renée bought her own fair share too. When they finally arrived at the fields though, Quinn had to admit he was a little breathtaken with the vast beauty. The bright colours alone were stunning, and he made sure to take a ton of candid photos of Renée as well as a couple of posed shots, letting her do the same for him before the tour guide took a few photos of them together, getting all the angles in to make them laugh.
The laughing photos ended up being his favourite of the whole selection, if he was being honest.
They visited three fields in total for about 15-20 minutes each, before heading to the village of Sault for a lunch stop, sharing a bottle of wine between them (with the other couple doing the same). By the time they headed back to Avignon, Quinn had a steady buzz from the wine as well as the rush of the day, and it was easy to fall back into his bed with Renée for the afternoon, only leaving to shower separately when his stomach rumbled with hunger.
They changed apartments for dinner, Renée having a better kitchen set-up than he did. He watched her cook for them in a comfortable silence, sipping water to clear his head as much as was possible, smiling at her every time she caught him watching her.
“I’m really going to miss you.”
There it was. He’d blurted it out without meaning to, cringing at the raw honesty in his voice. Renée looked more than a little stunned, turning the stop top burner to low before looking at him properly.
“You’re going to miss me?” she said hesitantly, “Or you’re going to miss this time in Provence?”
“You. Both. I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense when I say it out loud, but I can’t believe how quickly these past two weeks have flown by? If I could live in a bubble with you here in Avignon, time standing still and nothing changing, then I would,” he said, laughing a little incredulously.
Renée smiled sadly. “The time has flown by. Avignon with you will always hold a place in my heart. I’m going to miss it too.”
“You’re leaving Avignon?” he asked, confused.
She seemed to hesitate slightly, maybe a little confused, before she nodded.
“I’m leaving France entirely soon – I’m due to head home myself. My Schengen 90 day visa runs out at the end of May.”
Her whole trip was ending?
She was heading home too?
She was heading back to Canada, back to Montreal?
Why hadn’t she said anything these past few days? Why had they only focused on him, only spoken about his trip ending?
While he got lost in his thoughts, Renée finished off cooking, and the two of them sat down to eat in silence. As always, the food was incredible, and he made sure to let her know that, earning the usual modest blush, and they finished off a bottle of wine on the sofa, ending the evening with the slow, sweet kisses that had gotten him lost in her nearly a week ago.
But rather than falling into bed together like they had done all week, Quinn had left for his own apartment with a goodnight kiss, admitting he hadn’t yet packed his suitcase at all, and he didn’t want to rush that tomorrow.
Renée had laughed at him, teasing smile making him blush, but she waved him off with another kiss that left him conflicted. Because while it was true he had yet to pack his suitcase, he also wanted to think.
She lied about leaving Avignon. Why?
No, not lied. Just omitted. He knew she was over on a visa, but it hadn’t occurred to him the timings of her trip and she hadn’t stated it. Why?
Maybe she just was protecting herself. But why?
The more he thought about it, the more overwhelmed he felt, until he was sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Why did he care so much? Why had he let her get into his head like this? Why had he allowed her to consume his heart like this?
Because that what it was, wasn’t it? He was falling in love with her, and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, and now there was a slightest fraction of a chance that this didn’t have to end because they would be in the same country for most of the year.
It was the tiniest sliver of a chance but as soon as he thought of it, his greedy heart clutched onto the hope with all of its strength.
This season had been one of the hardest, both physically and mentally, and he’d taken this trip to make a change in his life. A change he had so desperately needed. Was Renée this change? Had she changed him? Meeting her was the first thing that made him feel good in a long time. He was damn sure that he wouldn’t have had nearly as good a time in Avignon if it hadn’t been for her. He knew that, down to his bones.
He had to tell her how he felt. It would be stupid not to, with him leaving tomorrow. At least that way he would know for certain. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, right? He needed to take this shot, for his own heart’s sake.
Tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning he would tell her, and he could only hope for the best.
~~~
Renée woke up to the sound of a series of rapid knocks on her front door, jolting her from her sleep and her empty bed. Going to bed had been strange last night, without Quinn by her side as she’d had all week, but she knew that was stupid to hold onto. He was leaving today, after all, so she needed to let go of him. She wouldn’t survive otherwise.
Still the knocking continued, so she got up with a yawn, shuffling to open the door, only to reveal Quinn standing there far earlier than normal. He was fully dressed, holding two coffees in a holder with a bag of pastries under one arm…and a bouquet of flowers?
The most beautiful colourful fresh flowers that she’d ever seen too.
“Are these for me?”
Damn her lack of caffeine.
Quinn huffed out a laugh, smiling fondly down at her, making traitorous butterflies swirl in her stomach.
“Yes, they are. Can I come in?” he asked.
She just nodded, still a little stunned at the beautiful bouquet, Quinn heading straight for the kitchen to put them in a vase, leaving the coffees and pastries on the kitchen island as he did so.
“Quinn…” she murmured, prompting as he put the flowers on the island next to them.
He sighed, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck awkwardly, before he moved to stand next to her and cleared his throat.
“I’m leaving today. I’m leaving and I can’t change it, so I need to tell you before I regret not saying anything,” he said softly.
“Tell me what?” she asked, dangerous hope starting to seep into her heart.
“That I’m falling in love with you.”
Her lips parted in surprise as her heart felt like it skipped beat. He was falling in love with her?
“Renée Moreau…you’ve made me feel alive for the first time in a long time. Every time I look at you my heart wants to sing and I don’t want that to end. These two weeks have been the most amazing weeks of my life, especially this past week, and I had to tell you how I feel before I burst. Is there even the slightest chance that you feel the same for me too?”
His words washed over her in an emotional wave that she had not been expecting. It was the last thing she’d been expecting, if she was being honest, never daring to hope that he was falling for her like she was falling for him. She felt stunned, shocked into silence as pure giddiness rushed through her. He felt the same? He didn’t want this to end either?
Just as Quinn’s face started to shutter in her silence, Renée lurched forward and kissed him, cupping his face with both hands. Quinn moaned softly, kissing her back with an intensity that left her breathless, but she didn’t dare pull away from him until she started to feel dizzy, resting her forehead against his shoulder with shaky breaths. This was real. He was falling in love with her too. She wasn’t dreaming.
“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Renée. I admire your free spirit, and your courage, so much. Just going out into the world to figure out what it is that you want rather than coasting along in repetitive nothingness? You’re inspiring, and you make me want to live life to its fullest, every day.”
She choked out a sob against his shirt, lifting her head to look up at him with tears in her eyes.
“I don’t feel brave. In fact sometimes I feel like I’m free falling because I have no destination, and it's terrifying. But you…you’re dedicated to your career, to your family, to everything you love. You commit, wholeheartedly, and you inspire me, Quinn Hughes. You make me want to set roots and figure out what settling down means. You’re special, in every single way, and I really hope I can make you see exactly how special you are.”
It was Quinn’s turn to have tears spring to his eyes, and he shook his head a little incredulously, like he couldn’t believe his good fortune, before he just leant down to kiss her again, the kiss staying slow and warm, toe-curling in its sweetness before he pulled away once more.
“I don’t know what the future will hold. I don’t know how we’ll make it work between Vancouver and Montreal. But I want to figure it out, if you want to too?”
“I do, I really do,” she said, smiling through happy tears.
After spending the rest of Quinn’s last day in bed together, Renée drove him to the train station that evening. He was going to take a taxi, same as his way into Avignon, but Renée insisted, needing that last kiss goodbye. As she watched him wheel his suitcase into the station, ready to head to Lyon and then back to Detroit, her heart was aching dreadfully.
But she would see him again, she knew it.
~~~
The beginning of August felt like the beginning of a new chapter for Quinn. Not just because his off-season training had left him feeling strong, ready for the new upcoming season, but because Renée was arriving today to spend two weeks with him at his family’s house in Michigan. She was coming to meet his family, to finally see them in person, and he was so excited and nervous that he felt like he was going to burst.
The two of them had video called every single day since he arrived home, when she was still in Avignon as well as when she arrived home in Montreal, him meeting her parents over video call and her talking to his parents and Jack and Luke on the calls too – but now they would actually be meeting her in person. It was different. It was real. He wanted to scream and shout and throw up and pass out, all at once, all in the best possible way.
From the moment he woke up, despite his mom encouraging him to keep on track with his morning work-out at the rink with Jack and Luke, he felt like he’d been waiting hours for her to arrive. And sure, his brothers had been ruthlessly teasing him for essentially sitting in the front bay window, but his mom ushered them away as best as she could. He didn’t care though, they could tease him all they wanted – he had the most amazing girl who actually liked him coming to visit. Soon enough, a car pulled up outside the house. Renée had insisted on getting a taxi from the airport, insisting she needed the time to pull herself together – but that didn’t mean Quinn couldn’t rush out of the house to greet her away from his family.
“Hey, you’re here,” he murmured, clutching her hands.
“I’m here,” she grinned.
Quinn wasted no time in kissing her, just a few short soft kisses that he needed, before pulling her tightly into a hug, Renée burying her face in his neck, the two of them keeping that embrace for a few seconds before pulling back with shaky smiles.
“Ready to meet my family?” he asked, picking up her suitcase.
“I think so?” she said.
Her tone of voice made him pause slightly, before he caught her gaze over his shoulder, and there pressed against the window were his brothers, gawking at them like lions at a zoo. Quinn just rolled his eyes, tangling his fingers with hers as they walked towards the house. He couldn’t apologise for Jack and Luke enough, he knew that much.
Meeting his parents went smoothly, his mom immediately pulling her into a firm hug while his dad just looked proud. Jack and Luke were a little more chaotic, but his mom (and thank god for her) broke up the intensity by letting them head upstairs to get Renée settled while she finished off putting lunch together, dragging his brothers out with her to set the table.
He’d cleared a little space for her in his drawers and wardrobe, allowing her to unpack fully with a shy pleased smile, and Renée didn’t take long putting everything away, Quinn watching her from his bed with a soft smile.
She was really here.
She was in his room, she’d met his family, she was staying for two weeks.
Renée was really here.
“So…”
She straddled his lap as she spoke, Quinn instinctively wrapping his arms around her waist as she placed her hands on his shoulders.
“So…” he repeated, teasing.
Renée laughed, kissing him slowly, sweetly, just enough tongue to send his head swirling as she pulled away.
“Remember how one of the conditions of my parents paying for me to go to France for three months was that I would work for my dad’s company when I got back?” she said, raising an eyebrow.
“Uh, yeah, I remember. What about it?” he asked, still a little stunned from the kiss.
“This is where I tell you that my dad has approved for me to run the social media accounts and minor marketing from a remote location,” she said, a little hesitant.
From a remote location.
Quinn inhaled sharply, lips parting slightly. “Does that mean…” he trailed off, eyes wide.
They’d talked about it, what the long distance between Vancouver and Montreal would mean, how difficult it would be. What possibilities they had. What the future could be.
Renée bit her bottom lip before nodding. “It means I can move to Vancouver with you. It means that my dad really likes you, and trusts that I can build a life with you while still doing my job. You know, if you still want me around.”
She would be coming to Vancouver with him. This was more than he could have hoped for after he’d met her, let alone after how last season ended. Was he dreaming? He didn’t think he was dreaming.
“Of course I do, are you kidding me? This is amazing!” Quinn grinned.
Renée laughed in delight as he pressed kisses all over her face, still giggling as he kissed her full on the lips, easily melting into the kiss as he slid a hand deep into her blonde curls, holding her tight to him. But then she broke away, resting her forehead against his for a breath or two before lifting her head to look into his eyes.
“You don’t think it’s too soon? We’ve only known each other twelve weeks! And we’ve only had two of those in each other’s company!” she said, hesitant.
No, he couldn’t have her hesitant. That was the last thing he wanted.
“My mom always says when you know, you know. And I know with you, Renée. Yeah, maybe it’s a little crazy, but it’s a good crazy? I don’t want to waste my life regretting something that has the potential to be amazing, just because it's not conventional,” he said seriously, smiling softly before that smile shifted to a frown, “You’re not having second thoughts, right?”
A lump rose in his throat at the passion in his own words, tears springing to his eyes as she shook her head.
“No second thoughts here at all. I just wanted to make sure – I had to say it. Because I know other people will be thinking it, even if they don’t say it too,” Renée said simply, smiling sadly at him.
“Fuck what anyone else thinks. You make me want to be brave, Renée, and I can’t wait to see where the future takes us,” Quinn said firmly, “Bring on the crazy and bring on these next two weeks.”
She just laughed, nodding again as a couple of tears escaped her eyes. Quinn’s smile softened as he wiped his thumb across a stray tear, before he leaned in to kiss her again. This was everything, right here. The girl of his dreams and the future he’d always hoped for.
“Hey lovebirds, sorry to break up the reunion, but mom wants to feed your girlfriend, Q.”
Quinn groaned as he pulled away, thunking his head on her collarbone.
“Thank you Luke, we’ll be down in just a moment,” Renée called out, laughing.
“Don’t let Quinn keep you locked away – Jack’s up next and he has a water pistol ready to go.”
Renée just laughed harder as Quinn’s face shifted in a light scowl.
“Bye Luke!” he said firmly, listening to his little brother laugh with annoyance, waiting until he heard footsteps to look back at Renée. “Little brothers are the worst.”
“I don’t know, seems like they love you a lot,” she grinned.
His heart melted a little at her sweet words. Not a lot of people understood the dynamics between him and his brothers, how intense they were, how close they were, but just the fact that Renée accepted their crazy without question?
Well, it said a lot about how well she was going to fit into his family, maybe even forever. But that was something for the future. Baby steps first.
“Ready to head down for lunch?” he asked, helping her to her feet.
“I’m ready.”
~~~
Tagging a few people who might be interested in reading: @wyattjohnston @matthewtkachuk @senditcolton @fallinallincurls @cellythefloshie @sorryjustafangirl @jostyriggslover96 @typical-simplelove @ghostyjosty
#my writing#quinn hughes fic#summer in provence#quinn hughes x oc#quinn hughes fanfic#quinn hughes imagine#hockey fic#hockey fanfic#hockey imagine#nhl fic#nhl fanfic#nhl imagine
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Never have I ever everlark on the prairie
Sooooo I’m just gonna summarize this one because in just a few minutes of thinking about it I came up with intricate backstories and am just… nope. I do not need another WIP, especially not an historical AU where I’d fall down a deep rabbit hole of Research! 🧐 lmao I’ll probably wind up saving this in a doc and thinking about it too much anyway
Thanks for the ask, Anon.
❤️ kdnfb
Never Have I Ever
Peeta married young, to the pretty girl on a neighboring farm in Ohio. They had twin daughters and a few happy years of marriage before a string of bad winters and failed crops end with his leg permanently injured, and his wife being pregnant and ill. She and their third child both die during childbirth. Devastated and financially strapped, Peeta packs up his girls and moves out west, to a small mining town where he’s one of the few farmers. He grows wheat and also does work as a blacksmith for his neighbors because the town blacksmith is usually overwhelmed working for the mines. That way, Peeta’s not solely dependent on crops for income.
Katniss the daughter of a Tejano miner and a Boston girl who fell in love with him while she was in Texas with her father for a year. They eloped to the more northern prairies and raised two daughters nearly to adulthood before he died in the mines. Katniss’s mother never officially went to medical school, but she works as a midwife and doctor, and everyone in town calls her Doctor. In an attempt to heal the breach caused when Mrs E eloped, her family back east offers to help put both girls through school, and Katniss returns west after graduating to become the school teacher.
Katniss meets Peeta when her stagecoach breaks down on the road along the boarder of his farm. He fixes it, and offers food to the travelers, which Katniss finds endearing since he looks like he could use a couple dollars extra, a bath, a shave, and a new shirt. She’s already curious about the kind farmer she met when she sees him again a few days later, dropping his twin daughters off for school before he heads into town for supplies.
She’s smitten within weeks but tries not to show it because she doesn’t want to have a reputation. What would the parents of her students think if she started shamelessly flirting and throwing herself at Peeta Mellark?
Peeta’s daughters suspect their Papa might be sweet on their teacher when he keeps getting tongue tied around her. They absolutely 💯 get in trouble just so that Ms Everdeen has to talk to their papa as often as possible.
Peeta is embarrassed, thinking Ms Everdeen will believe he’s an awful father, but he’s really not. Also, she doesn’t think that at all. She thinks his daughters are just desperate for motherly attention.
Primrose comes home after medical school, takes one look at them together and asks when is the wedding.
It’s about four weeks after the first time they kiss. And that’s only so her cousin Gale can be present to give her away.
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Since a lot of us seemed to be quite curious about Falk's costume and the funky bib thingy in Sinners of the Seven Seas, I went down a rabbit hole to find out what it actually is! Come with me on this journey!
(Disclaimer: I will reference my learnings quite generalized, so I would urge you to do more research if you want to get into the nitty gritty! You could also shoot me a message if you want some more specific info or pointers or want to do a learn with me! Also feel free to correct me please!) I don't know a lot about vestments (ger.: liturgische Gewänder) yet, so it's time to find out the names first so I can do research more easily! His long, black dress is called a cassock or soutane (ger.: Soutane) and is mainly worn by catholic clergy, though some orthodox and some protestant churches wear this vestment too. His sash that he wears around his waist is called a cincture (ger.: Zingulum) and it's mainly worn by catholic clergy. It's also not the same thing as his funky shawl he wears in stage costume, that is called a stole (ger.: Stola). And now finally his bib! I'm frantically searching through the references of different Wikipedia pages by now until I find a PDF about costume research by Martha Bringemeier, 1974 and...
...it's called bands (ger.: Beffchen) and it's mainly worn by protestants today, but until somewhere in the 19th century it was also worn by catholics. Depending on the denomination of the protestants, the bands are sewn together (german reformists), split open and angled by 30° (lutherans and swiss reformists) or partly split (united churches). Since the information I found on bands was mainly focused on protestant ways to wear them (all white as opposed to black and white), the pictures I found of catholic black-and-white bands were all split in the middle, Falk's bands had weirdly angled edges and rounded corners AND since I had a bad fever, I asked my friends dad for help. He is a pastor and very interested in christian history, but he too was quite confused, so here came the last resort: Find out who made this costume!
Aha!! Now that was easy. Kostüm Keiser? Time to google! Huh, well, seems they made a typo, I can only find Kostüm Kaiser from Switzerland - but their video production partner "VDPICTURES" is from Switzerland too, so that must be it! I sent them a mail with pictures attached, asked if it was their costume, if they had infos on the bands and since they have their own research library I also asked them if they can recommend a good book on vestments! And right the next day I was blessed with information by the very kind people behind Kostüm Kaiser: It's a pastor/priest vestment from their fund and the cassock as well as the cincture are catholic and are still worn like this today! The bands are catholic as well and (to their knowledge) were mainly worn like this in france in the 18th and 19th century. In french it's called "rabat".
They couldn't tell me why Falk's bands were so non-rectangular, they said it could be an older production from their costume rental, but that there are engravings of french priests that show different shapes. (They didn't provide pictures, but the bands of french roman-catholics seem to vary a lot in general in these times) On a side note, they recommended me a really old book from their library, «Abbildungen aller geistlichen und weltlichen Orden» by Christian Friedrich Schwan from the late 18th century and I actually found it completely digitized! Click for old book It's in german, but feel free to shoot me a message/ an ask if you want some parts translated to learn more! (I can't translate the whole book, but if a costume is interesting to you, I can try to summarize the information on it for you!) Alright, thank you for coming on this little journey with me and big thanks to Kostüm Kaiser for the help!
#powerwolf#falk maria schlegel#hinke talks#hinke does a learn#sinners of the seven seas#wake up the wicked#please add stuff or correct stuff as much as you want#it's free real estate#long post
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Yesterday after I reread this pretty well-known research about the origins of a name that people associated with Yami Bakura in the early years of the fandom (Akefia), I ended up going down a little rabbit hole of my own after the creators of names that are associated with Yami Marik in fanfics, and surprisingly enough I actually seem to have found their origins!
One that I still see in fanfics nowadays is Kek, so it was the main one I wanted to find, so I started out searching about Kek and Yugioh on both Tumblr and Fanfiction.net and ended up in this post asking the same thing, with a comment saying they heard a fic called Creepy Hide and Seek was the origin of the name. I found it and saw that in chapter 3 of the fic they do use the name Kek, and even give an explanation of why the name (“It was one of the old gods, before Ra”)... But searching the name on the same site I found usage of it from 2013, before the release of this story (sep. 4, 2014- dec. 5 2014), so yeah, it isn't the first.
Thankfully, I found way better leads soon: the fanfics Swagger Dagger and Grey Days (both from 2013) credited someone named Miss Macabre Grey for the name Kek, so I went after their YGO fics and sure enough, found Problem Position, which is the oldest usage of the name Kek so far (Dec 8, 2012) and an explanation for where the name apparently came from in the notes:
“Kek is obviously Yami Marik. I like it because it still has that “Ek” sound like in “Mar’EK’,” and it means God of Darkness. Plus, if you look at some “common personality traits” of people with the name, there are some that suit Yami Marik a fair bit. Even has an evil laugh ring to it. Like, “‘Kek, kek, kek, kek!” the old wizard wheezed before finishing his brew of poison.”
So yeah, that seems to be the end to this mystery so far. As a little bonus, I decided to go after another name for him, Amir, but that apparently has a pretty easy to find source: Fanfiction.net user VanillaKokain says they created the name on a askblog on Tumblr, and it seems to be this long deleted one called @Ask-ryou-the-medium, Also this by the same person, so yeah, the origin has also been found.
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Pepper sighed as she exited the elevator to head toward the lab. About two hours ago, she received the notification she and Rhodey set up several years ago. Rhodey was already en route to the tower. Should be here in the next twenty minutes.
When the doors slid open to the lab, she found Tony sitting in a chair, hand deep into a robot, but his focus was on a projected screen in front of him. Looks like he was reading paged of book. When he tilts his head a certain way, the pages turn.
" Tony. What are you doing?"
" Nothing. Just reading"
" Uh huh. Then why did Friday notify me that you unblocked Peter's on the server"
" Hey! Big tattle tell Friday! Don't worry about it, Pep. It's been a while, and I heard from Brucie that Peter published another paper. And I just wanted to read it. "
" Don't start this up again Tony. You go down this rabbit hole its going to be like before"
" Have faith Pepper! I'm just reading a paper, I'm not asking him out."
" Again?"
Tony swirls around in his chair and faces Pepper.
" I can control myself!"
" Said that the last 3 times. This time isn't going to work. Just leave him be Tony"
" It's not going to be anything! His idea to use some nano tech in closing wounds is intriguing, but we would have to test that out. Lots more research. I could get a grant for him to explore it. "
" Tony!"
Pepper stomps her foot to get his attention before he goes off on a tangent. This is how it always goes with Peter and Tony.
See Tony met Peter when Peter was 18 and was doing a summer internship at the tower. They hit it off and started a whirlwind romance. And that's how it went.
Things would be great, then Peter would ask for more, and Tony would break up with him. They separate for a while. Peter does something that draws Tony back in, and they try to be friends and end up where they started.
It's not like Tony doesn't know that Peter knows himself in the ways of science. But it came to the relationship? The long haul? Tony wanted that, but Peter was just so young, so he kept pushing him away.
They have been doing this song and dance for years. The last break up was a year and a half ago.
And Peter left without a fuss this time. Simply packed up his bags, told Tony to stop contacting him til he grows up and figures out what he wants. But not wait for him cause he was absolutely done.
The doors open to the lab again and Rhodey walks out.
" i don't smell alcohol so Tony is still sober. Whats the emergency Pepper"
" PGMATDK Protocol "
" Shit okay. "
Tony blinks.
" Hey! Only I'm allowed to have acronyms!"
"Sure Tones. But brace yourself."
"What?"
Pepper sighs and looks to Rhodey before back to Tony.
" You've read just Peter's papers. Haven't researched into him again correct?"
Tony frowned and looked between the two.
" No just his published work..."
" Well I'm sorry that this is coming out but...Peter got married"
Tony stares at them before standing up and pacing.
" We have only been broken up a year and a half? When? To who? "
Tony spins around to look at them.
" Tell me it wasn't to that Strange guy"
" No he didn't marry Dr. Strange, someone else about a month ago.
Tony stares at them again before sitting down. Rhodey comes to stand next to him and puts his hand on his shoulder.
" I'm sorry Tony..."
They stayed like for a while before Tony whispered.
" Does he seem happy?"
" Don't open that box Tony. But... he does... yes."
Later that night Tony was looking up the photos.
#who is he with now???#whatever floats your boat#could be#winterspider#shieldspider#spidershield#spiderfalcon#spideydevil#spideytorch#spideycap#spideypool#writing prompt#winterspiderpurrs#peter parker x bucky barnes#past starker#starker
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Laugh for Me!
Ships: Intrulogical (Logan x Remus)
Word count: 2785
Warnings: Censored swearing, Remus being Remus, mild angst, tickling, pranks, teasing (Let me know if I need to add anyhting)
Remus was unhinged in every way possible, good and bad. Part of the reasoning behind it was just who he was. I mean he is the personification of every morbid, sexual or intrusive thought that danced its way through Thomas’s head so no one could really blame him for being himself. But another part of it was because he enjoyed others' reactions to it, every reaction he got.
When Patton would scream in terror or when Virgil would hiss at him, it all filled him with glee. He loved observing the other sides reactions to his antics and figuring out what freaked them out and what didn’t freak them out.
But one reaction he did love getting from others was laughter, other’s laughing just made his heart figuratively explode in his chest. So after stewing on the fact that he enjoyed making other people laugh for a fraction of a second he created a new experiment and so began “Operation make every side laugh and figure out what makes them laugh so he can exploit it whenever necessary and also think of a shorter name for this operation.”
Surprisingly Virgil was the easiest one to figure out with minimal research, he laughed whenever Patton made a pun and Remus couldn’t tell at first if it was because it annoyed Logan when Patton made puns or if he actually liked them, so he would have to gather more data.
Luckily after some spying, he found that even when Logan wasn’t in the room when Patton made puns, the jokes always made Virgil laugh, quite honestly he was expecting something very different from ‘Charlie Frown’. But he wrote it down in his notes nonetheless as Virgil’s Hysterical Hacker (That's the name he came up with).
Patton was also elementary to figure out, as the happiest side he would laugh at a lot of things. At first Remus thought that Patton’s Hysterical Hacker would also be puns but it occurred to him Patton didn’t really laugh at puns, even if they weren’t made by himself but then Remus made a discovery.
One day as he went to the kitchen to fetch one of his Cock shaped popsicles from the fridge he found Patton sitting in the kitchen on the computer laughing like a hyena of helium, Remus almost had to be concerned if he was breathing or not.
When he asked Patton what was so funny he was shown a twenty minute compilation video of cat videos on youtube. Some cat’s fell into boxes and others played with balls of yarn but regardless it all made Patton squeal so Remus wrote ‘Cat videos’ down as Patton’s Hysterical Hacker.
Roman took a bit of investigating but as it turned out the answer was right in front of Remus' face, it was rooted in his dear twin brother’s love of Disney. One family love night it was Roman’s turn to choose the movie and he went with a Winnie the Pooh movie much to Remus’s, Janus’s and Logan’s displeasure.
Watching the movie was like folding socks level boring but then something caught Remus interest, after the gang tried to catch a ‘Backson’ all of them fell down a hole except for Piglet who then was challenged to find something to get them out of the hole with.
Piglet’s attempts were all stupid and fueled by miscommunication between Piglet and Rabbit. The scene wasn’t what caught Remus’s interest though it was Prince's not so charming reaction that got him listening.
Roman was rolling with laughter throughout the scene which led Remus’s to the ever so boring conclusion that Roman’s hysterical hacker was, family humor. Something that could be found in every Disney movie ever to exist.
Remus still wrote it down though and moved to the next side.
Janus was a challenge, despite having lived with him in the darkisde of the mindscape for most of his life, Janus never really went into hysterics, sure he’d chuckle but that was all Remus usually saw out of him.
But Remus did get an idea, Janus always seemed to be amused at other’s pain or displeasure like when Logan would get a papercut and Patton would insist on kissing it better or when Virgil’s pet spider Kat would escape his room and Patton would jump on the table and scream.
So as an experiment Remus poured a big helping of salt into Roman’s coffee one morning and when Roman began screaming of how it felt like he was ‘drinking the water of cold, unforgiving and salty seas’ Janus went into his deep villainous belly laugh at the scene. While Logan just rolled his eyes and Patton ran up to Roman all concerned like the father figment he was.
(Virgil was still asleep because he’s not a morning person)
That result said it all, Janus’s Hysterical hacker was another's pain/misfortune. Remus beamed as he wrote it down in his notes.
Hysterical Hackers
Emo widow — puns
Daddy — cat videos
Romano Cheese — family friendly humor
Lies and dulls — other’s pain
Logie bear —
But as Remus finished writing he came to a realization, there was one side left to figure out. His boyfriend. Logan.
You’d think that being his lover Remus could figure out his Hysterical Hacker with ease but now that Remus was thinking about it, he hadn’t really seen Logan laugh before. Maybe he had seen him chuckle once or twice but Remus couldn’t even recall a specific time he saw Logan do that.
That realization made Remus feel sad, He couldn’t remember a time his own boyfriend, the freaking light of his light, had laughed.
But that realization also made Remus more determined than ever to complete his research project. He'd make Logan laugh even if it was the last thing he would ever do.
It was time to get serious. Logan as the logical side didn’t spend time doodling on emotions or things like that so Remus had little to go off of. So that meant he’d need to experiment.
Remus cracked joke after joke around Logan day after day but came up empty handed each time.
Remus upped his pranking game on all of the other sides but each time Logan observed a prank happening he would only roll his eyes at the display.
Remus spied on Logan for hours on end but he got nothing even, when Logan was alone he wouldn’t laugh at anything.
Remus kept trying day after day to get Logan to laugh, he kept getting more and more desperate for it. It almost became like a craving to hear Logan laugh; it was starting to drive Remus insane. He just had to hear Logan laugh, he just had to!
After a full week, Remus had run out of patience so that meant he would need to get information straight from the source and not through spying, experiments or research.
“Logan, I need your help.” Remus rose up into Logan’s room with no warning and interrupted the rhythm of clattering keys of Logan’s computer.
Logan turned in his spinnable desk chair to face his boyfriend, Logan’s rise teemed with interest. They had collaborated on many different projects together and it only made sense really, they were a perfect pair for answering questions.
“Yes Remus, how may I be of assistance?” Logan asked, pushing his glasses up his nose.
Remus didn’t hesitate before he started explaining his predicament to Logan.
“So I started this research project a few weeks ago about what each of the sides hysterical hackers are.”
Logan’s head tilted to the side like a curious puppy’s would.
“Hysterical Hacker?”
“What makes each side laugh, like really laugh.” Remus contextualized
“Ok, please continue.”
“So after I figured out the other’s Hysterical Hackers and I moved on to yours but I couldn’t really find anything that makes you laugh even after I did experiments, observations, you know that sciency stuff you're supposed to do.”
Logan gave a hum of understanding before he got up from his desk chair before speaking again. “I must admit I don’t have much of a sense of humor.”
“Well I could tell that much.” Remus joked sarcastically but inside he was bursting with curiosity. He had come to find out what makes Logan laugh but it appeared that even Logan didn’t know.
“But if you wish, I can help you gather more data.” Logan offered and Remus didn’t hesitate before he responded.
“Yes, so where do we start Logie?”
“Firstly I’d like to hear what results you got with the other’s”
“Well P*ssys is family disney humor, papa bear’s is cat videos, Double dee’s is other pain and tickle me emo ‘s is pun of all things.”
Logan's face tinged with a blush and Remus wondered for a minute if it was something he said. Logan didn’t mind Remus’s colorful vocabulary and his usual reaction to it was an eyeroll, so what prompted the blushing?
Logan centered himself and pushed more words out. “I see, well then since everyone’s Hysterical Hacker is different, we can assume that mine is different too.”
“Lo lo are you ok, your face is all red?”
“I’m quite alright Remus.” Logan’s answer however did not satisfy Remus and he didn’t need the snake like lie detector to know Logan wasn’t telling him the truth. So Remus did the only Logical thing.
Remus ran forward full speed at Logan and tackled Logan down to the floor, sitting on his hips and hands pushing down on his belly to keep him down
“Re–Remus what are you doing?” Logan’s voice was up a few ocatives and the blush on his face got redder and spread across his face.
“You are going to tell me why you are all blushy or I will leave at the top of a broken ferris wheel until you confess!” Remus never made an empty threat and Logan knew this all too well.
“I’m fine–just get your hands off–off me!” Logan's voice also sounded a bit strained and Remus could help but wonder why. That’s when he noticed Logan’s belly trembling under his hands and before Remus could truly think it through he began skimming his fingers over Logan’s tummy.
Logan’s lips flattened and he bit down on his bottom lip which was enough for Remus to understand.
“Aww… is the nerd ticklish?” Remus asked in a baby voice that made Logan so flustered he couldn’t even get words out.
But that still answered Remus' question, Remus found a way to make Logan laugh and he’d say now was a pretty good time to exploit it.
Given Logan seemed to be able to hold in his laughter while Remus was tickling his tummy that meant it wasn’t his weak spot and that meant Remus would need to experiment some.
“Where are you ticklish Starlight?” Remus asked, pausing the movement of his hands for Logan to catch his breath and answer. Remus, being smart, also pulled both of Logan's hands above his head and put them both in his left hand freeing his right hand for tickling.
“I am not ticklish!” Logan insisted, which was the biggest lie Remus ever heard.
“Oh ok, so if I were to pinch your side then you wouldn’t react?” Remus' hand went to pinch Logan’s side and Logan’s mouth tightened around itself probably in an effort to not laugh.
“You need to laugh!” Remus stated. “I command you to laugh for me!” With that being said Remus started scribbling his nails into Logan’s side and then it was all over.
“Ahhhhhahahahahahah no no no REEhehehmush nohahahahahahaht there.” Logan’s laugh was so sweet and light and Remus became addicted to it almost instantly.
“No way Jose, now I need to find all of your tickle spots, so you make things easy and just tell me where your tickle spot is or I can tickle you everywhere until I find it.” Both of Remus’s options were not what Logan was hoping for but Remus was so adorable and maybe he would go easy on him if just told him.
All taken into consideration Logan got out in between laughs “Knees” and Remus did not need to told twice.
Remus let go of Logan’s hands and turned around and sat on Logan’s thighs. Remus' hands went onto Logan's knees and gave them each a squeeze, Logan let out a squeal and his leg began thrashing around, trying to escape.
“Someone’s got very ticklish knees.” Remus smirked at Logan as he began to trace circles around them which got Logan giggling. “But I don’t think your knees are what I’m looking for.”
“Wehehehehehell whahahahat are you lohohohahahaking for?” Logan’s speech was infested with giggles and it made the ever so stoic logical side look a little sillier.
“Your Hysterical Hacker of course!” Remus exclaimed, punctuating the sentence with a squeeze of Logan’s kneecap. “If you won’t laugh on your own, then I’ll make you.”
Well if Logan wasn’t flustered before, he most certainly was now. Remus stopped tickling his knees and Logan took the chance to catch his breath because he knew that Remus wasn’t done with him yet.
Remus carefully examined Logan trying to decide on where else to try tickling him. His sides and knees were certainly good spots but not the best spot clearly. Then Remus’s eyes fell on Logan’s feet which were still dressed in shoes and socks.
In all of the time Remus had spent spying on Logan he hadn’t really seen Logan take off his shoes much. Except when just before he went to bed.
Oh Remus was good.
Wasting no time Remus moved down and sat on Logan’s legs and began to untie the laces on Logan’s shoes, it didn’t take long for Logan to catch on to Remus' devious plan.
“No, no Remus! No, not there!” Logan tried pulling his legs out from Remus but with no success due to Remus’s weight being on top of him.
“Actually Lo lo you said you’d help me find your Hysterical Hacker and if you really want to help me then you’ll sit nice and still and let me experiment.” Remus’s voice had gone uncharacteristically flat as he talked to Logan and Logan found himself with no other options than just to sit there and wait.
Once Logan’s socks were off his feet Remus started Gently running his fingers down the arch of Logan’s foot and he was not expecting the reaction that he got.
“AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA *Snort* HAHAHAHA REHEHAHAHAH *Snort*”
Remus’s finger’s stopped and he looked back at Logan, who was bright red and now had a hand covering his mouth in embarrassment.
“Jesus f*cking christ Logan, did you just snort?” Remus asked in disbelief, were his ears playing tricks on him?
Logan looked away but nodded, Remus shocked expression turned into an ear splitting grin as he squealed to Logan. “Oh my f*ck that’s so adorkable!”
“No it’s not, it's embarrassing!” Logan argued, Remus's gears were now turning. Was this why Logan never laughed? Because he was embarrassed. Well wouldn’t do at all.
Remus grabbed Logan's foot again and began tickling the skin under his toes and that got Logan screaming.
“AAAHAHAHAHAHA *Snort* NHOHOHOHOHOHO *Snort* REHEHEHEHAHAHAMUHUHS.”
“Logan, you listen to me, and listen well!” Remus ordered to the laughing side beneath him. “Your laugh is amazing and you had better start laughing more often and if you don’t then I’ll tickle you until you pass out everyday, ok?”
“YEHEHEHEHAHAHAHSHSHSH OK JUHUHUHSTSTST STSTAHAHAP!”
Remus let go of Logan’s foot and got up off of him. Remus sat and watched his Boyfriend catch his breath and once he saw Logan lay limp on his bedroom floor he spoke to him.
“Hey, you alive?”
“Well no thanks to you.” Logan grumbled back to him.
“It was for science, my laughy Logie.” Remus insisted to Logan.
“Don’t call me that.” Logan though found himself giggling at the silly pet name.
“But it suits you so well.” Remus came down to Logan and gave him a kiss on the cheek which must have changed Logan’s mind because he didn’t argue back anymore.
“Well then I need to go update notes, I love you my laughy Logie.” Remus sunk down and rose back into his room to finish up his notes.
Hysterical Hackers
Emo widow — puns
Daddy — cat videos
Romano cheese — family friendly humor
Lies and dulls — other’s pain
Logie bear — tickling his sides, knees or feet (further research might be needed for my laughy Logie)
#random#remus sanders#sander sides#logan sanders#sanders sides tickles#sanders sides#ticklish!logan#sanders side fic#intrulogical#i love them#logan x remus#my writing#fanfic#fanfiction#lee!logan
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Can you do where Y/N and Johnny are in a secret relationship, but Ryan is yn's brother, and he fines about her and Johnny relationship,
And ryan is so mad at Johnny because he thinks Johnny will take advantage of you.
If you're comfortable with writing 🤗🙂
Impulse
It was all whirlwind- first that party, now Y/N ran into her brother’s hot friend, Johnny, on a daily basis. But she saw something in him, and in Ryan’s eyes that’s the worst part of it all.
Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader
(Fluff, angst)
2.1k Words
Warnings: Suggestive content, alcohol, parties, overprotectiveness, unplanned pregnancies, lying, flirting, making out, bribes
An: Thank you so much for this request! While doing research for this fic I finished reading Serious as Dog Dirt and went down an unrelated rabbit hole of transgressive fiction, so I’m sure the prose of this fic is some horrible mixture of Bam and Kerouac XD Anyways, thank you for sending in all of those requests and please keep them coming!! Fun fact, tomorrow marks my one year anniversary of writing Jackass fics! 200 followers later, I just want to thank you all for all the friends I’ve made and the love I’ve received from this community :)
This whole mess started when you ran into him at a party your brother dragged you to. “Cmon, Y/N- you never get out. It’ll be fun, I promise!” The house parties Ryan frequented weren’t really your scene, so in your mind you didn’t see the use in showing up to some release party for that skate video he made with his dipshit friends because it’s probably the same bag. But he could drive a pretty convincing bargain when he wanted to and you eventually gave in, deciding to tag along (albeit half willingly).
That’s where you were introduced to him- one of Ryan’s friends: sweet, charming, polite in a way you only see in men from the south and with this accent that seemed to slip out after a few drinks. Fuck, he even called you ma’am. Nothing like the Philly-trash assholes who only want to hump and ditch that you thought you'd be running into. For that night, it seemed your whole world revolved around this handsome stranger. but by the next morning, he was long gone, and all that was left was this longing for something you thought you would never see again.
But, as you’d come to find out, that video Ryan was in became bigger than you expected. In fact, MTV wanted him on this new show of thier’s called Jackass- mainly due to his friend, Bam, who you only really knew as the guy who came by from time to time and who seemed hellbent on fucking with you. That meant there would be filming in Westchester, and as you would come to find out, that hot stranger happened to be the leader of the merry gang of weirdos that your brother introduced you to. And to think, you were sure that by this point you would be over him…now, it seemed the bug was on you again, and that bug’s name was Johnny Knoxville.
Part of you was kind of curious when it came to how the whole tv thing would work, so you started tagging along with Ryan while they filmed under the flimsy guise of seeing how the sausage was made. Even though, at the party, he was both aware of and cool with whatever was going on between you and his buddy, Ryan was also pretty damn wasted at the time, and after a lifetime of living with him you knew he may not be as welcoming with one of his bros hitting on his sister. You had to be slick about this.
Knoxville knew this too, waiting until most of the guys were busy with the cameras and setting up whatever stunt they were working on to step off to where you were waiting on the side and start chatting you up. “Y’know, I never caught your name, ma’am.” Your heart jumped a bit, kind of shocked that he recognized or remembered you in the first place, but you played it cool. “It's Y/N. You're Johnny, right?” Of course you knew who he was, but it was the first thing that came to mind, okay? Well, that blush that was creeping onto your cheeks and the tips of your ears kinda gave it away you weren't really as nonchalant as you let on. The amused grin that crept onto his face let it slip that not only did Knoxville notice your skittishness- he liked it. He chuckled, glancing you up and down with this amused little spark in his eye, “Yes, ma’am.”
“Y’know, ever since that premier, I was kinda hoping I’d run into you again.” He glanced towards you over the tops of his sunglasses. God, those glasses- they really aided to the hot, mysterious stranger thing he had going on. “I was gettin’ pretty hot that night, and the only thing I can really recall was running into you.” In your eyes, Johnny was probably the one guy in the world that could use cliches and cheesy pick up lines like that and not sound like a total moron.
Fuck it, you thought. Fate was giving you a second chance and you were going to take it! “Maybe we could get dinner some time? Uh- together, I mean.” The auditable tension in your voice gave away how much mental psyching yourself up that simple act took, and you knew it once the words came tumbling out of your mouth. In contrast, this whole situation was getting more and more entertaining in his eyes. Johnny took this distinct pleasure in throwing you off your game, and maybe that’s what drew you towards him so much. I mean, you’d seen him on Jackass- it’s not a surprise that the guy who goes prancing through LA with a strap-on under his basketball shorts enjoys making people just a bit uncomfortable. Knowing his influence on the situation, he couldn’t help himself, “That sounds great! How does tonight sound?”
Johnny wasn’t at the bar, and that was the only thing that tipped any of the guys off to the fact something was amiss. “Seriously- he couldn’t come have drinks with us?” Ryan said what everyone else was thinking. Well, everyone except Steve, who was the one person Johnny had confided in the fact he was taking one of their friends’ sisters out to dinner, because you don’t tell just anyone that kind of thing. It's not like he was gonna go out there and rat on his best bro like that, so the only option he had was to run cover for him,“I mean- maybe he isn’t feeling good? Knoxville took some pretty hard hits today…” He was a piss poor liar, and if it wasn’t for the fact the rest of the crew was half shitfaced, they probably would’ve called bullshit. But the guys seemed satisfied with that explanation, going on discussing the stunts of the day and not noticing the sigh of relief for Steve once the conversation topic changed.
So, as always, the bar crawl began, and guess where the guys happened to show up next? Yep, just your luck. Sure the restaurant Johnny invited you out to had a bar, but you didn’t think people would go there for the express purpose of getting drunk. See, you thought through this, but clearly not well enough. Peering around the crowd, Bam squinted a little through drunk goggles to try and get a better look at two oddly familiar people sitting at a table. “Hey, Ry. Isn’t that Knoxville and your sister over there?” Ryan’s neck should’ve broken with how fast he turned around to where Bam was pointing who, speaking of, found this whole situation hilarious, “Dude- it is! We gotta go fuck with ‘em- c’mon.” Well, he didn’t need any more convincing- your brother was already storming over to the table, but you didn’t even notice the two were there in the first place until Ryan spoke up with forced nonchalance, “Hey, what’s goin’ on with you guys?” In contrast to your immediate panic, Johnny seemed so relaxed compared to you as you stammered out a response, “Oh! We were just, uh- I was out, and I just ran into Knoxville!”
“Since when do you go to the bar by yourself?” Finding this whole situation purely hilarious, Bam leaned to your brother with this shit eating grin, “I think they’re on a date.” Ryan scoffed disbelievingly, “No fucking way-“ The tension seemed to thicken as he turned back to you and Johnny, who was getting more and more smug about all of this, “No, no- you two are not on a date. Screw this-“ And your brother abruptly up and left with his little cronie trailing behind, snickering and leaving Steve as the child of this divorce. “Should I, uh- should I go?” While you were still trying to mentally work out what the hell just happened, Johnny turned to him, still not taking any of this seriously, “You into threesomes?” Before Steve could actually consider it, he replied for him, “Yeah, I think you should go.”
This is the kinda thing that makes a guy sick. Ryan knew he had to bring it up to you sometime, so he gave you a call the next day while he was off filming while you decided to stay home even though you had time off work because of obvious reasons. “We need to talk about Knoxville- about you and Knoxville.” Your heart stopped for a second. I mean, what you really wanted to say was that you were a grown woman who could manage your love life very well on your own, but he sounded like he was really concerned for you, so you shut up. “I know these guys better than anyone and I’m just- I’m trying to look out for you here.”
Even though this whole conversation was happening over the phone, you could practically see the mix of frustration and concern on Ryan’s face as he spoke. He didn’t want to see you get hurt. Sure, none of them were exactly known for their stable lifestyles, but Johnny sweet. He was charming and made you laugh, so maybe that was enough for you to ignore a few red flags. You wouldn’t say that to him, though. “I get it, Ry. I’ll be careful, just- let me give him a chance, okay? It’ll be fine.” There was something about the earnestness in your voice that made your brother bite back his nerves and decide that he would have to try something else. “Alright. But he even breathes wrong in your direction and I’ll kill him.”
When the guys took a break in the middle of the day while filming, Ryan got a chance to pull Johnny aside and confront him about all of this, “Hey, man- what’s goin’ on with you and Y/N?” He didn’t want to hear that you were going out because no guy wants to hear that kinda thing. Johnny took a seat in one of the lawn chairs they had set up outside as he told his side of the story, “All I did was take her out to dinner. That’s it!” That was the same explanation you gave him when he grilled you on this- it was only a dinner.
“But it’s never just dinner. C’mon-“ Ryan was never a staunch believer in whatever the ‘bro code’ was, but he knew there was something in there regarding it being frowned upon to date and or be fucking your friends’ sisters. “It's weird, and you know it!” The rest of the cast had been pretending not to be secretly listening in on all this drama since the beginning, but with the way things were heating, it was harder to do it on the sly. But neither of the men involved noticed or really gave a shit about the gawking at this point. Johnny reached into the slushy cooler and grabbed himself something to drink, “Listen, I’m not sure what you’re gettin’ so upset over- I didn’t do anything with her.” Cracking open a can, he looked up at Ryan over his sunglasses and added for the express purpose of being an ass to him, “Not yet.”
After that, you and Johnny kept seeing each other in secret. It was like you were a pair of teenagers sneaking around together- all you were missing was a pair of bleachers to make out under. You had to, given the fact he was only in town for a couple weeks. There was a thrill to it, trying to avoid the other guys by slipping behind cars while you were pretty sure nobody was watching (except that one time with Bam, that sneaky little shit- you had to pay him off to promise not to tell on you) or having quickies in bathroom stalls. I mean, you had to make the most of your time together, right?
If you didn’t think your brother would actually follow through on that death threat he made earlier when you told him you were interested in one of his friends, you certainly did now that you told him you got pregnant from one of them. “Seriously? Like, actually Y/N?” Ryan’s voice was a muddled mess of emotions after you broke the news, but he pulled himself together, “Alright…who fucking was it?” Swallowing, you got an idea on how you could make sure Johnny would be keeping his head on his shoulder after you hung up the phone. You needed to phrase this carefully. “Uh, it’s PJ’s.” PJ, PJ…holy shit that’s Knoxville. Given the fact he usually referred to him by his stage name, it took Ryan a second to connect the dots.
You didn’t tell Johnny- you hadn’t decided what you wanted to do yet, and even though you really, really liked him, you weren’t sure how the hell he would react to finding out one of his hookups got pregnant, but you knew eventually you would have to come clean to him. Ryan wanted to ask how the hell all of this happened since Johnny left Westchester for LA months ago, but he didn’t wanna think about how that happened because he knew fully well himself and didn’t wanna have to hear it from you, much less imagine the two of you screwing. Fuck. He needed a drink…
#jackass#johnny knoxville#ryan dunn#bam margera#steve o#jackass fanfiction#jackass fanfic#fluff#angst#jackass x reader#johnny knoxville x reader
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who is rhiddon vidhya? i’d love to know
Let me warn you… the Rhiddion, Vidya, and Cato saga consists of FAR too many characters of my ocs to the point it could be considered its own plot in itself. That being said I can explain the Rhiddion/Vidya dynamic pretty well ^^ (this is my most developed oc group I kid u not)
SO Rhiddion (whose real name I decided would be Jade… and then the hsr Jade came and I never changed it since but it’s not like anybody uses it$ is a member of the “Jubilant & Joyous Circus!” elation faction I made up, and Vidya is a Stellaron Hunter! They’re longtime rivals and used to be friends until Vidya quite literally kicked him off the planet.
To briefly summarize their whole dynamic and past work one another; they used to be students at the Intelligentsia Guild who were considered “the best of their time” and were often butting heads because they were always fighting for that #1 spot in each of their classes together that they were always evenly matched against one another—Cato (another oc) was the only one who could settle them down and get them to become at the very least close and Vidya and Rhiddion only managed to get closer because of Cato.
They went on and graduated at the top of their classes and went on to build a laboratory on a planet with a thriving ecosystem! Therefore they could study and cultivate and record their studies in peace, and life went great for them for a long, long time.
That was, until Vidya took a personal expedition for mysterious purposes and came back entirely and completely differently—she locked herself in her study for about 6 months before she was forcefully checked upon by Rhiddion for her mental wellbeing where he found her room a mess and covered in papers and energy drinks and it looked like someone had ransacked the place. Apparently Vidya had been hardly eating, sleeping, or even drinking or doing any basic necessities for herself because she was researching something Rhiddion couldn’t mentally comprehend. Vidya claimed to have “received the gift of the future from the erudition” and went crazy trying to figure out what it meant.
Rhiddion and Vidya get into an extremely large argument about her mental state, and Vidya claims that he’s been hiding the last piece of information she needs to figure out what vision she was given meant. Rhiddion claims to not have.
And so, because Rhiddion doesn’t tell her anything, Vidya claims him to be disloyal to their research facility and gets many people to be in the democratic vote of exiling him. So he gets an anti-gravity device attached to him, and he’s sent off into space.
And this is where their lives split—where Rhiddion meets a young girl named Jyotika (soon to be named Machiko) and Vidya continues her descent into madness. As for Cato, she finds the information Rhiddion has been denying having to Vidya.
TLDR: Vidya and Rhiddion went from academic rivals to friends to coworkers to mortal enemies and Vidya sends him to go join the circus.
And unfortunately it doesn’t stop there this causes a MASSIVE series of chain reactions for a lot of characters. Hehe I fear you’ve unlocked a rabbit hole myla 🤭
#hsr ocs#ask#vidya hsr#Rhiddion hsr#Cato hsr#this doesn’t have a name for this group of ocs… maybe one day#this plot was finished a lot time ago like I kinda finished thinking abt it but I never thought it’d be brought up🤭#point is ask as much as u want abt this#this is my livelihood
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have you entered the void before?
I'm asking cause I've seen you post about it a bunch times with different methods to enter
Also, thank you for introducing me to the phase method! I'm using it and another method (one I created) to enter
Hey! Glad to hear the Phase has been helpful for you! Happy to answer your question, but it’s a bit more complicated than a yes/no answer and I’m feeling rambly today so you’re gonna get a whole backstory on how this blog came to be 😂
Backstory about me & this blog
I’d been in the personal development manifestation community since around 2016, and it was my life for a long time. But the kind of manifesting these people taught was basically like… wake up at 5am, work out, journal, meditate, shadow work, tarot cards, affirmations, cold showers, start a business, post no less than 10 times a day across your 5+ social media channels, and maybe if you hustle hard enough and cleared enough past life karma and Mercury isn’t retrograde, then the universe might grant your wishes... (if you don’t die of exhaustion first. 😅)
It really was a mess and realize now despite the facade of positive thinking and good vibes, the whole community really just keeps themselves identifying with lack & victim mentality so the coaches at the top profit off everyone else’s misery.
I believed in manifesting and had faith I would achieve my goals, but despite years of trying a million different things, only saw small or short-term successes and never seemed to get anywhere. I was feeling pretty burnt out and miserable, so summer 2023 I decided to stop trying so hard and just spend some time focused on myself and what I wanted. I went back to the two methods that I’ve always loved and had success with: affirmations and tapping.
I tapped every day and started making affirmation art and lockscreen wallpaper for fun. I posted the affirmations on Pinterest, which eventually lead me to finding affirmations pinned from tumblr. I think it was a screenshot from blushydior I saw at first, but her blog was deactivated by then. So I started stumbling around tumblr (around Aug-Sept 2023 at this point), where I eventually came across loa, the void, and shifting.
I was surprised because despite my extreme research into all things personal development & spiritual, I’d never heard of it. Although I’d read about quantum physics and more supernatural things, every coach/teacher had major limits. “Manifesting” only meant getting logical earth things like making 6 figures in your business through hard work and hustle so you can afford to travel and buy luxury cars & Chanel bags. Stuff like changing the past, waking up with all your desires, etc was absolutely impossible and not even talked about except “you can’t change the past”.
So having only heard about these incredible overnight life-changing manifestations from tumblr, I was skeptical and wanted more information. I basically started this blog to collect information from outside tumblr to prove it to myself and share with others. Which of course sent me down a rabbit hole of research and overconsumption and overcomplicating the void 😅
I did get kinda obsessed and throw myself into trying every shifting & void method I saw right away, which just left me frustrated with “failed” attempts. But I see now I was just repeating the same victim mentality from the old community - that everything had to be hard and a struggle, that I was a victim of circumstance and limited by a higher power. (This is also a really commonly held limiting belief in religion and society in general that affects many people.)
It took me more than a few months to realize, but I’m finally switching my default programming to that of a creator instead of a victim. Because I don’t want to be obsessed and put the void on a pedestal, I’m currently just working on my self concept that I am in control of my reality and can manifest whatever I want - with or without the void. I still do want to experience it of course, just want to make sure I’m going at it with a healthy mindset.
However!
About a week or two ago I read someone’s void success story that triggered a memory from many years ago: I realized I actually did wake up in the void and manifested something, long before I even knew what manifesting or the void was 😭 Because I’d always believed in supernatural things, I thought I had a “psychic dream” but now I know it was the void! (If anyone wants storytime I can make another post with more detail).
And since at the time, I entered without even knowing about the void’s existence, I realize we here or tumblr really do overcomplicate it. Like the video I posted where the void is described as the midway point between wake and sleep - it really is that simple!
I’ve noticed now that whenever I wake up naturally (not getting woken up by an alarm, outside noise, or cat jumping on me) I do always seem to wake up in the void. It’s the same kind of experience, and I don’t hear anything, but my first natural instinct when I wake up is to wonder where the sounds of my environment are. So I end up tuning in to my room and snapping out of the void.
I guess I just have to train myself to make my first thought an affirmation for my desires instead of just wondering where the sounds are 😅 But regardless, now I know it’s absolutely real and possible for me, I know it’s only a matter of time until I figure it out!
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