#So I think it won't change on my tablet unless I do that

[ailithnight]

Finally seeing the change to replies and yeh, don't like that.

Like, I get it. They wanted to maintain the function of replying to a reply, but make it look cleaner and easier to follow threads by nesting them.

I recognize that my not liking it is probably at least 76% not liking changes to familiar ui in general.

Still. Don't like that.

[duckchu]

Hello, honey! I've been following you for a long time and I adore your works! And I want to make a request! HEARTSTEEL members x Fem!Indie game developer!Reader. Reader has been creating indie games for a long time (such as Undertale and Deltarune), and also writes soundtracks for them (like Toby Fox. I love this genius!). I would also like to create an indie game based on the League of Legends universe (I would choose Targon from the regions, and I would choose Aphelios from the characters that the player would control). But I don't have any programming skills! So I'll have to write interactive fanfic... Thank you very much! You're just a sunshine!💋💋💋💋

Sorry for the long wait (I recognise how long actually named asks sit in my inbox for rather than anon ones, idk why) and thank you for the kind words

I also kinda didn't know how to go about this so every guy has 3 "parts":

You working late

Putting one of their items as cosmetic (kinda changed in Kayn's and K'Sante's part)

And music

Kayn

Thinks you're cool

Enjoys sitting with you late at night while you code

May or may not convince you to sneak a Rhaast easter egg in

Though will often try to distract you if you're not paying enough attention to him

Enjoys bothering you when you compose

He's silly like that

So please, for the sake of your sanity, lock your room

Yone

Doesn't mind your work, but will make you stop if you're pulling all nighters

Might even pick you up and carry you to bed, telling you you need some sleep

One day, while he was watching you play test, noticied one of the items in your game looked suspiciously like his mask

Finds it really cute

Will help you with the music, if you'd like

Loves working with you

Aphelios

You stay up all night working?

Cool, he is too

Unless he notices you're tired

Then he pulls you into his lap and works with one hand while petting your hair with the other

It makes you fall asleep in seconds

Let him play test pleaseee

When you do, he 100% the game in a week

Not because it's easy, but because he's a sweaty try hard

Found you put his mask in the game as a cosmetic

Melted on the spot

Sometimes will give you songs as gifts

So you can put them in the game

Loves hearing them if you decide to use them

Ezreal

He's such a bitch if you overwork yourself

Will try to direct your attention to him at all cost

-Y/N, I'm boreeed -

Please keep on torturing this little shit with lack of attention

He deserves it

But also

If you put his sunglasses as an item, he will love you ten times more

As for the music?

Doesn't really know a lot about composing but loves listening to your pieces

Sett

You're overworking yourself?

No, you're not.

You're sitting on his lap and watching a movie with him

Doesn't care about your protests, you have to take care of yourself

When he first saw your character having his beanie on when you were playing the game, he had to do a double check

Gave you a big hug

He thinks it's really cute

As for the music, he thinks it's really good

You scrap something?

He's gonna use it as background for his totally awesome solo

Don't tell anyone else tho

He'll get embarrassed

K'Sante

He can't force you to rest, but he will insist on it

If you have some important work to do, he won't try to stop you, but will bring you meals and drinks if you want

Will usually chill in your room and design while you work

Speaking of designs... he was surprised when you asked him if you could take a look at his tablet

But he trusts you, so why not

Was shocked when one day he saw you putting one of his designs as a clothing option

Loves it and thinks that it looks good even when pixelated

Although he's not the greatest composer, he will try to help you

It usually turns into fan favourite soundtracks

So you don't mind his suggestions

[blondeaxolotl]

Do you think Clip Studio is worth the payments? ( asking for a friend/j ) And do the pros outway the cons or is it the other way around? Also, do you use custom brushes? And one last question.. Do you just draw on your laptop? Like, do you use a mouse, touchscreen or maybe a drawing tablet?

I've never seen anybody ask these questions and I'm curious, you don't have to answer though! Have a bagel 🥯🤲 and if you don't like bagels... 🥪🤲 Have a sammich.. and.. if you don't like either uhmm- Have a whole damn cake 🎂🤲 happy birthday [/silly], or hell, take all three! Have a wonderful day ❤️ [/gen]

Do you think Clip Studio is worth the payments?: When it comes to payments, I think it's always better to get it when it's on sale (which do come every now and then), it is a onetime payment and it's better to get it when the price is as low as it can be For pros and cons, the biggest pro of the program is you can get new brushes, blenders, erasers, tools, etc (anything that will help you with drawing easier) from the programs own little assets store (and majority of the brushes are free to download). And it's also easy to import brushes you get from other places (ex: you buy a brush from Kofi made by another artist). Meaning you have options in CSP's own brush store, and also other places on the internet, you aren't stuck with just using the default brushes you're given when you start the program That's the biggest pro to me, besides that you have everything else that comes with your average art program,

I will also mention that clipstudio also has it's own 3D modeler program, like you can import 3D figures and use them as your reference if you can't find one on pinterest. Though I've haven't used it myself so I do not know how easy it is or what the features are, so I can't comment much.

I think the last biggest pro is that if you program crashes (not often, but the chances are never low unfortunately), clip studio will restore your drawing for you and your drawing won't be sent to the shadow realm meaning you don't lose progress. I compare it to dropping your phone and you slowly pick it up out of fear that theres a crack in it only to find out oh there's not one it's fine.

Now for the cons, the biggest is the definitely the price, which is why I recommend getting it while it's on sale while it's at it's lowest. The program is insanely pricey. I also recommend the PRO ver instead of the EX ver. The PRO ver is cheaper and it's main focus is illustrations which is all you need if you're only planning on drawing. The EX ver is both for drawing and animation, while you can still animate on the PRO ver, it limits you insanely, like you can only make 25 second long animations and refuses to let you do more unless you pay for the EX ver. Now I have the EX ver and I'm learning animation, I will say Clip Studio's animation set up and layout is very confusing and tedious to beginners (I had to watch a good amount of tutorials to understand the features and everything), I believe some people compared it to animating on Photoshop, so if you haven't animated on Photoshop before, good luck. I'd say just use another animation program for animating (Flipaclip, ibispaint etc), the only reason why I'm sticking to animating to ClipStudio is because I'm stubborn and don't like switching programs. Clip Studio also has a free trial feature (which I believe lasts for 3 months), now this is good yes, but the problem is that the program refuses you to save your drawings with the free trial. I don't know if this was changed or not since it's been a while when I used the free trial, but if you want to get a hang of the program and test it out, there is a free trial, just be aware that it won't let you save your progress at all which is bull.

Those are my pros and cons, I have a lot more pros than cons but I tried to sum it up as best as I could. It's really your choice to decide if the program is worth it or not (again there is a free trial, and if you do plan on buying it, get it while it's on sale) The assets store with all the downloadable brushes is my biggest pro, but I'm aware other programs like IbisPaint also have that. I think that's all I have to say now for ClipStudio, i've yapped alot gulps.

---- do you use custom brushes?:

A good handful of the brushes I use are brushes I bought from other artists:

These brushes from PharanBrush on Kofi , I'm someone who likes to experiment with alot of brushes, so I often download/buy from other artists (I also have no self control). The EnpitsuP set comes with 100 brushes, alot I know, but your options are endless. The Krupuk set comes with 160 brushes, and alot of them are similar to like copic markers but for digital art. And the last one is BōrupenP sets, these are free and mimic school supplies, if you miss the feeling of drawing on your school books with pens, this one is also neat (plus it's free) Another brushpack I have is Cole's Pencil Pack , it comes with 19 brushes, of all kinds of taste and texture. I use this set alot, especially the "Cream Sketch 2" pencil as it's fun for lineart or sketching.

(Can you tell I like supporting artists) next set I have is Brush Box Vol.1 Markers by Olguioo this set mimics the feel of traditional art and even has a brush that makes your canvas look like paper!! It's very neat

Now of course I do have brushes that are free from the assets store, like these, which you can easily find by searching up their content ID codes:

Ofc there's more, but these are just some I use which I find neat!

---- Do you just draw on your laptop? Like, do you use a mouse, touchscreen or maybe a drawing tablet?:

I use a laptop and a drawing tablet! I specifically use the VEIKK Studio VK1200 pen display, my brother bought me it as a birthday gift this year, but before I had that one, I used the beginners One by Wacom tablet for like 4 years or more, I still use it sometimes, but only when i'm on vacation somewhere I can't bring my main one

OKAY I think that's about everything!!! Very long post so apologies if there are any typos or misspells or repeats! And thank you for the food, in return I will share the food with you because sharing is caring (ALSO if anyone elses wants to add something like other pros or cons about ClipStudio, or other brushes or anything like that, please feel free to leave it in the replies!!!)

[froggie-bolt]

Just a Digimon Adventure 2020 Post about The TaiShiro Moments

(Sub)

I love how Taichi and Koushiro are both shown to think highly of the other. Taichi even brags about how smart koushiro is sometimes, its so wholesome.

Everytime the group gets separated, the first person Taichi tries to call is almost always Koushiro.

and in the first episode Koushiro meets up with the rest of the group in the digital world, Taichi's face immediately lights up.

Like if anything happens ever, Koushiro usually addresses Taichi right away. Between Him and Tentomon, both are the ones checking in on Koushiro and making sure he's doing okay.

Specific moments from episode 36:

"but there's only 20 minutes left"

"that's more than enough"

"we won't know unless we try right?" Taichi believing in his ability.

"but--"

"there's no time left, lets go"

"alright, I'll support you!"

Then

"Let's go, koushiro!"

"R-Right!"

Then

Koushiro, you have to do this!"

"me!? No way! I can support you, but I can't--"

"koushiro"

"I leave it to you."

"Taichi-san..."

"I'm counting on you."

*kou hesitates*

"Right!"

"Go, Kosuhiro!"

AND THEN KOUSHIRO THINKING ABOUT HOW HE HAS ATLURKABUTERIMON, AND THEN SPECIFICALLY THINKS BACK TO WHAT TAICHI SAID TO HIM IN EPISODE 3 BEFORE THINKING OF EVERYONE ELSE TOO-

It was also just great to see Koushiro feeling good about his own ability- especially with this music at the end, damn.

episode 43 was funny.

They call eachother like, every episode to see how it's going.

Episode 59

So when they get that trial wrong, Taichi is taken, and [digimon] says he's gonna undergo surgery to become a digimon.

Taichi just smiles and says "Nah don't worry about me guys, I leave the rest to you Koushiro."

Then Koushiro blames himself for whats gonna happen to taichi.

And whiole all this is going on, we know taichi is worried about how the other is handling it right now, since he's under a lot of stress.

Bro koushiro looked so sad.

and then tentomon always believes in koushiro, always. which is exactly what he needs

EDIT

SO THE ENGLISH DUB JUST CAME OUT A FEW DAYS AGO AND IVE WATCHED (at least the episode with TaiShiro moments) SOME OF IT AND I HAVE MORE THINGS TO SAY

So let’s start from the top once again

(Dub)

Episode 1’s script for the most part is unchanged :)

However, there is the changes to the names.

While in the original Tai was just ‘Tai’, this time his full name is Taichi, and Tai is just a nickname. His last name though has still been changed to Kamiya instead of Yagami.

Koushiro actually does keep his Japanese name in the English dub! But this time ‘Izzy’ is also just a nickname. Of course, he retains his last name ‘Izumi’ like he did in the original English dub.

ANYWAY ANYWAY

one of my favourite bits from episode 1, is when Koushiro is showing Taichi his timeline, and Taichi goes something like:

(I actually posted the clip here)

“Well..I’m really bad at that stuff. You’re awesome, Koushiro!”

And Kou seems surprised and caught off guard by the complement, before quickly turning his attention back to his tablet in embarrassment and saying:

“Y-You can just call me Izzy—!”

And we know later in the dub, that Koushiro prefers being alone, which also suggests he doesn’t have many friends, or doesn’t go out of his way to make any. He doesn’t really like being around people. So we can guess that before Taichi, the only people that call him Izzy are his parents.

So Koushiro giving Taichi express permission to call him Izzy, especially for Koushiro, is something special and significant, even if Taichi doesn’t know this.

I will absolutely be adding onto this in the future

[openly-journaling]

Wrath: Friday January 20th 2023

Was in the middle of working on a mini animation and our last nib broke and we move in a little over a week now provided the weather is good. Kind of late to order more so now we won't be able to draw for two weeks unless we desperately pull out our old tablet and learn to redraw on that thing.

I'm sobbing dying inside because we finally got off block and got our creativity back after nearly an entire year it feels like. Like we really got back into it.

I never really realized how much of a coping mechanism art was until we fell out of after healing from a lot of our trauma and now are dividing back into it since we're we're staying in the town that legitimately gave us all our worst traumas. And then of course the creativity came back.

Does make me wonder if we ever get comfortable enough if we'll ever even somewhat give drawing up. I say somewhat because we do want to try architecture but at the same time I have a feeling there a couple people down south that may very well resurface a lot of trauma for us. Which, while we don't exactly want and definitely try to avoid, it's good for our art.

So maybe our trauma isn't all bad.

But I've also come to this realization that a lot of artists really hate their art and their art style. Which is odd to us because we've been in that same boat but not to such severity. If we make a mistake we hate specifically that mistake but let it be to learn from it in the future. I think the early gentle parenting growing up that our dad gave us before foster care shattered us helped shape our confidence early on. So we don't struggle quite as much. We rarely compare our art to others and when we do it's more of an obsession over their art that we try to even semi copy that art style or implement it into our own.

Perhaps the worst hate we put on our art is when something just isn't working perspective wise or the lineart isn't working. I suppose we have worked to be perfect but perfect to us. Which was almost always good enough.

The way the whole class would stand over our shoulder in amazement and watch us draw gave us a confidence too. It made us feel good and adored. Considering we didn't get a ton of attention growing up.

It became less and less impressive to people as we got older but there are still some people that absolutely go wild for our art. We've finally found a comfortable community that loves it! The furry community has been very kind to our art.

I think our problem for so long was trying to draw furry art in front of people that decided dogs having head hair must mean that's a horse despite the different nose and sharp teeth. That was annoying. Completely different face shapes. We drew animals in front of people that preferred human art.

Which, while we still enjoy doing sometimes, we are still heavily learning and even come to learn more how much happier furry art brings us. So.. we'll stick with what we love most, what we're good at whether people like it or don't. And eventually we'll find our crowd.

I'm just glad we don't have a huge lack of confidence in our skill of art. We can look back at the oldest shit and wonder how people thought that was good. And it makes us realize that we have come a very very long way. We're proud of ourselves. Really.

Next we're going to attempt to work on more perspectives. Like this piece I'm so damn proud of. Our first drawing where we're really trying a different perspective.

No actually, that's the second one. Now that I think of it, this is our first. Unfortunately so many people want to call it inappropriate though and it never hit off. Like I'm sorry that people legit have asses? I'm sorry for drawing it right? She fell that's the whole point of this piece was just to get a literal difference in perspective. It's not like I'm exposing her or giving you a full on ass shot in the face. My god. And that was before a signature change as you can see

Anyway. We've come a very long way since then and I'm just happy with all of it. Satisfied that we can do so well.

I guess I do sometimes wish our art style wasn't so set as it is because there are definitely artists that have art styles we're jealous of. But to be fair, if we all had the same style... I think art would get pretty boring. So.. I'm glad I have a recognized art style of my own.

It does change depending on the headmate but not always. I'm not arguing with that. Hell most of our headmates can't draw at all! I'm glad to be one that can.

[brrrrbrrrvrrrre]

OC RP BLOG!!!!

Yellow hello hi I'm Vin 😲😲 21 right now and obsessed with motorbikes and Pokémon!!! My birthday is August 3rd!! Yay! I'm from Spain and I do both english and Spanish heck yes

My favorite colors are yellow and black and purple and white 🍪🍪

I have a cool mama and a really awesome papa‼️ I love them both a lot and I also love my partners [I don't think they're on here,,] my motorbikes name is Lucia and she is really cool thank you noob 😁😁

My favorite pokémon is Umbreon

I don't want anyone weird following me please and thank you 😞😞

OOC--

This blog is run by @daneweeezer ! While Vin is an adult I am NOT and I won't want any suggestive things unless I'm comfortable/know the person or it's funny af or something

I don't want ANY nsfw accounts following my main or any of my accs, that goes for proship and weird people basically just be a decent person,,

Vin is an oc of mine who is part of a bigger gasa4+SC roleplay with my lovely lovely qpp R! He doesn't have tumblr 💔 sad face

This blog will probably swap between gacha screenshots and maybe drawings, gacha screenshots would usually be selfies and drawings are either selfies aswell or vins own art!!.. I'll say it under the post anygays

Both me and Vin use he and him pronouns so stick 2 those I doubt there would be a problem with that

Ooc will probably always be in green

I doubt like anyone is gonna see this acc but if u do haha hey drop a follow for lil Vinny and me,, ask box is probably always open!!

Lil vin reference sheet below so u can get 2 know him :3

Note- his last names are spelt wrong on the sheet, it's "Ramíres Gavilán".. I don't have my tablet right now but it'll be changed when I'm home!!

[tideswept]

Life updates under the cut! As it deals with uncomfortable topics, please do not read unless you a) truly want to know and b) feel that you can handle it.

if the answer is no to either of those, this is the casual tldr: I'm fine, just tired and busy. 💖 love you all, hope the holidays have been treating you well, fics coming soon!

HMM. Are you still here? Last chance to turn back. Think wisely.

Welcome concerned friends and busybodies alike. I'm not a sentimental person, so forgive the blunt rundown.

My mother killed herself in September as a final "fuck you" after I told her I wanted to move out. She had undiagnosed B(orderline)PD. If you know what BPD is and how it manifests in extreme cases, well, there you have my mother.

Unfortunately, I'd quit my job in order to essentially do her job for her, because I couldn't do two full time jobs and take care of her 24/7. I won't go into the thick of it, but for context's sake, let me just say that in the background of this whole sordid tale also skulks a) her HIV diagnosis and multiple months-long stays in hospitals where she became so infamous for her mental breakdowns that hospital staff to this day flinch when she's brought up, b) an abusive asshole stepfather who didn't let me leave the house for almost a decade, c) Scientology and d) 16 years of being illegal in the US.

Skip forward to now, and the only reason i survived this long was because of the kindness of you all, a few distant relatives, and my best friend--and pity from my landlord, who should evicted me weeks ago, but are seemingly waiting until Christmas is over.

There is no social help where I am. Perhaps there was pre-COVID, or pre the Republicans that have been destroying Florida, but it doesn't exist now. The help that there is (from churches and such programs) are exclusively for families. Pregnant women. The one shelter that's available I was warned to not go to no matter what by every volunteer and social worker I spoke with. They all told me the same thing; the informal name for that shelter is Rape City.

My last hope, as well as my last resort, was my mother's younger sister who lives a few cities away. Two days before Thanksgiving I laid my case out to her, the things I'd attempted (in trying to get a job, programs i'd applied to, etc.) and if I could please sleep in her garage for 4 months while I saved up money, because I truly did not think I would survive on the street.

Her responce was not kind. In the end, I accepted that she truly did not care and bid her goodbye. (It's very unfortunate that my mother named me after someone who hated both of us. I hope to be able to pay for a name change eventually, as we have the exact same first and last name.)

In the end, the landlords didn't kick me out when I kept bracing for the knock on the door that somehow still hasn't come. And my best friend has gone above and beyond to help me on a path out.

So, I'm okay. Currently been living without power for a few weeks, turning the house inside out to consolidate what I want to take with me. Heck, I even deleted my Animal Crossing save to start over. (Judy, I will get you back, I swear.)

Been applying for a new place to live, playing mental Tetris for what to take. I found homes for two of my cats, but three will be going with me. I leave so much behind and... it's fine. I'm taking what's important with me.

SO ANYWAY, that's the update, sorry for all the introspective nonsense 😅. I'm done packing and cleaning the house. I'll be moving either into a hotel or a new place in a few days. All is good. Been writing on my phone/tablet when I have the battery to spare, so sorry for some SERIOUSLY overdue updates and replies. I will be getting back on top of things this weekend. ❤️

Now, back to writing unrepentant smut.

Oh, and in case you might be wondering; yes, I'll be spending Christmas alone in less than ideal conditions, but holy fuck do I LOVE Christmas. And I intend to have the very best one I've had in many years. 🎄

Friends! Fellow countrymen!

My time online will be limited for a few days, I'll reply to things when I return. ❤️ Leave me reminders here if needed!

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Genuine question, what’s wrong with the DSM?

[OP refers to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which I mentioned being unpopular among mental health professionals.] Disclaimer: I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a therapist, and I'm not trained in counseling. I'm a social psychology researcher. If a therapist contradicts me, listen to the therapist.

The problem with the DSM as I understand it: a lot of counselors/ psychiatrists/ etc. want to move away from a category- and source-based diagnostic system, toward a symptom-based treatment system. For example, think about Pepto Bismol: you feel nauseous, you chew pink tablets, it ends your nausea. It doesn't matter if your nausea is indigestion or seasickness or lactose intolerance. You match a treatment (pink bismuth) to a symptom (nausea) and don't waste time or money on diagnosis unless that treatment proves ineffective.

A large percent of counselors etc. would like to take the same approach to mental health. So we'd be researching treatments for nightmares (neurofeedback? MDMA?) in the long-term, and giving clients treatments for nightmares (meditation! Ambien!) in the short-term. All without worrying too much about whether the nightmares are caused by General Anxiety Disorder or a phobia or Seasonal Affective Disorder. There are many strengths to that approach.

Only, see, there's this big purple dinosaur holding us back.

[Image ID: Hardcover copy of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association; the title is white text on a purple background.]

So if everyone who uses the DSM also hates the DSM, why does it still exist and why do we keep buying it every time a $100 text revision gets published? Two reasons, in order of importance:

Insurance

Communication

Insurance is, I kid you not, the DSM's #1 reason for existence. American insurance companies won't cover treatment unless it's for a diagnosed illness, and so therapists put diagnosed illnesses on what they'd often be more comfortable describing as "bro, this dude is hella distressed and I'm trying to help undistress him." Note the word American on the cover; other countries have other manuals, and no other country's counselors are as chained to theirs as we are to ours. This means that the DSM helps — yay, affordable therapy! It means the DSM hurts — sets of symptoms get grouped artificially, spectra get split into categories, and diagnosis happens way too early in the therapeutic process.

Another comparison to unmental health: I don't have carpal tunnel syndrome, but my insurance provider thinks I do. I only announce that I don't because I haven't told you who I am or where I live. (If the insurance companies find us... Well, we just won't let them find us. The thing you should know is everyone is getting screwed by health insurance. Yeah, even you.) I have wrist pain and tingling. It has the wrong antecedents for carpal tunnel, and it has weird manifestations — pressure on the base of my thumb causes pain in my pinky — but my OT wrote down "Carpal Tunnel" on the forms because the alternative was a $500+ round of diagnostic scans. No one cares whether my median nerve is inflamed or not; occupational therapy still looks like "try this stretch, that stretch, this brace, that brace, and these activity changes; keep whichever combination makes the pain and tingling go away."

This kind of thing also happens in mental health all the time. Many therapists don't care — and neither should you — if your serotonin levels are low; if you're miserable and an SSRI prevents the misery, take the dang SSRI. If your mother was harshly critical and now you feel panic at any hint of criticism, it doesn't matter whether that better fits C-PTSD or NPD; it matters whether you cope with soothing self-talk or if you cope with alcohol. Put something from the DSM on the forms, and focus on finding which stretches (breathing exercises) make the tingling (panic) go away.

Communication is the biggest strength of the DSM. It means that clients can benefit from labels ("I'm not lazy, I'm ADHD") and consistent standards of treatment can be applied across different clients in different states. The DSM has huge lists of things like "if your client shows memory problems, be sure to check for alcohol abuse" or "if they have self-harm, make sure it's non-suicidal before you do anything else" that are tremendously helpful. It can help therapists who encounter a set of behaviors they've never seen before to go "client is rigid, rule-bound, and lacks insight... huh, looks like I'd better refer them to an OCPD specialist." (It's also the source of a lot of toxic misinformation on social media when symptom lists get taken out of context without that all-important differential diagnosis information, but I digress.)

However, diagnosis should never be the beginning point for therapy — it's impossible to know your client's mind without first building trust and transference — but reliance on the DSM for insurance often forces it to be. Diagnosis should never be the end point for therapy — knowing your perceptions don't match others' because of Bipolar I won't stop you hearing the dang hallucinations — but home use of the DSM often acts that way. Categorical diagnosis is limiting if your therapist is primarily interested in how depressed you are but the Beck Depression Inventory uses an absolute cutoff point for "depressed" or "non-depressed." Categorical diagnosis is useless if over 50% of people diagnosed with a depression are later diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and vice versa. So it's an imperfect book that does a lot of things well and a few things badly, and many of its heaviest users would argue that it shouldn't exist at all.

For further reading, I recommend The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. I don't agree with all the axes he grinds or all the ways he grinds them, but he's got decades of psychiatry experience and is (I hope) predicting the next paradigm shift in mental health.

For instance, van der Kolk argues that it doesn't matter if at intake your client has long blond hair and is named Linda, only to show up the next time with no hair and the name Gerald, only to come next time with short red hair and the name Taylor. The therapist should only be asking "how does the client feel about these changes?" and "what are these changes doing for the client?" If Linda can't remember what Gerald did, then focus on the terrible memory gaps that alter identities create. If Taylor became Gerald to try and please you, then focus on teaching mindfulness and self-compassion. If this is a happily genderqueer person, then figure out why they're seeking help and don't worry about the appearance changes. If this is someone who thinks in absolutes and regards their personality as constantly changing, then work on teaching them to see the world and themself with moral complexity. It doesn't matter whether Dissociative Identity Disorder exists or not; just ask your client what they need and how you can help, then go from there.

Anyway, the DSM is an imperfect solution to a complex problem, and a lot of mental health practitioners view it as a relic of a more paternalizing era. No one has come up with a really good solution for how to remove and replace it, so for now it's the least-bad option.

[kiisaes]

*offers a meek cookie* what,,,,brush do you use? on what software? it pretty,,,

[accepts cookie] thank u!

so the thing is , i rotate through a handful of brushes that i've gotten most comfortable with, so you'll have to be more specific with what brush you're referencing. sometimes i'll just get really bored of a brush so i won't use it for a while, but then use it again just because i feel like it LOL

all that to say, i use CSP (clip studio paint) with nearly all of my digital work now, and here are the main brushes i use frequently. if you're interested, i implore you to click/tap the images to get a closer gander:

1

this is one of the first brushes i've ever downloaded on CSP, back in 2020. i really love this brush. i owe it my firstborn child

it's meant to mimic a ballpoint pen, so it has the same texture, resistance and overall style of a real ballpoint pen! super cool! for example, when you color in something manually with this brush, it will have the same random gaps and holes in between strokes like a real pen stroke would. it's very reliable too, i feel like i've never encountered a time where i absolutely loathed this brush because it wouldn't provide me the outcomes i wanted. it also responds really well to pen pressure, so you can get pretty different lineweights based on how hard or soft you press on your tablet

i use it a lot because i'm a sequential artist first, and everything else second ^^; i recommend it to everyone who likes to draw with lines as much as me, 10/10

2

this brush is a little different from 1; it more resembles a pen with ink that reacts to paper than a pen with ink that simply sits on top of paper (like a ballpoint pen). like ... think microns or other standard art inking pens lol

if you want a brush that provides a more "manga" look to it, i reckon this is the one! i mean there are like a bajillion downloadable manga pens in CSP because that's what the program is known for, but this is the one i use. i use it when i want to evoke a more stereotypical manga comic vibe instead of a general comic vibe. it has excellent resistance (aka it doesn't feel like my stylus is smoothly gliding over my tablet) but not-so-excellent pen pressure difference, so in order to get different lineweights, you'd probably fare better if you just changed the brush size accordingly

3

ok so this brush is not downloaded LOL it comes with the program but for some reason i really love it ... literally how i found it was just fucking around in the program and trying out pre-provided brushes and going AYO?

as the name suggests, it's meant to resemble rough india ink. i don't know how successful that is because i rarely use india ink in real life, but whatever. it's appealing to me because of its semi-opaque texture and PEAK resistance; no joke i usually use this brush when i line bigger drawings (such as colored ones), because the resistance is just SO GOOD. it makes me feel like a stable line artist for once ... it does have a tendency to appear faint though, so if you want a more solid, opaque linework brush then this might not be the one for you (unless you're willing to duplicate the line layer to make it darker LOL)

4

so i don't remember when i got this brush but apparently i've had it for a while, i just never used it until recently. it's kind of got a brush-pen type of feel to it, with an inherently slanted cursor

i like to use this one when i'm doodling really fast and i don't really care about the cleanliness of my lines. it works really well for simple doodling, or if you're looking to give your art a "freer" feeling! the inherent slantedness feels good to draw with also, but that might just be me lol. i also find that coloring and (cel) shading with this brush is a lot more fun than coloring/shading with a circle-tip brush (like the standard G-pen for example), but again that might just be me

5

i don't normally use this brush for any sort of linework so uh yeah. i only use it for "line art" if i'm experimenting with coloring+lineless coloring ... or if i'm doodling meaningless shit and this happened to be the brush i was using LMAO

anyway this is probably my main shading/rendering brush! i really like the chunkiness of the line if that makes any sense, and how flat it is :') it blends very well too, so it's great for layering colors on top of each other. the square end also gives way for lots of cool shading effects, at least in my opinion; it makes it look more like a painting to me! and since it's rather opaque on its own, you can still use it for standalone lines if you want, as well as make bold spots of color. i'm not an avid color user but whenever i need to paint/render, i usually turn to this one or a default oil brush

i also use other brushes of course, but those are the 5 brushes i normally shift through nowadays. it's very possible that i could get sick of these and i'll switch to new brushes JHFGJFG we'll just have to see B)

hope this helped a bit!

[shadowonwater]

Pokemon Scarlet Playthrough part 14: capturing ancient cursed objects, taking a long time debating team composition, steamrolling the league but taking surprise psychic damage from someone unexpected, and battling an amazing rival [victory road complete]

Playthrough Masterlist

So I ended up deciding to capture the Pokemon from the fairytale Raifort told me about. I already found a lot of the stakes but I didn't want to go wondering aimlessly around so I looked up where to find the stakes for the shrines.

So far I've fought and captured 3 out of the 4 of them. I'm saving the 4th for tomorrow because I should go to bed, it's late. I'm going to keep them in my pc, so no I'm not adding them to me team, unless I change my mind, but I probably won't. If I did though I'd probably replace my Kilowattrel. I've have him long enough though to get attached. (Nevermind all that, I am going to replace him)

First I went after the gate that only had one more stake left to find (the green one). But it was a bitch to find because the website I was just wasn't real clear about it's location, so now I have two guides opened up at the same time incase one is unclear. So basically I thought I was at the point the guide was showing but I wasn't it, was a very similar looking area nearby where I actually was supposed to be.

Next I went to the purple gate, I didn't have as much trouble finding the stakes this time. With both the Vessel and the Tablets I had a pretty easy time catching them, it only took the 2nd try for both of them. So that's how I got a weird mouse and a weird slug.

The blue gate happened after that. Again I had a not too bad time finding the rest of the blue stakes. But I had a lot of difficulty capturing the weird fish, aka, the Beads. It just wouldn't get.in.the.ball. But now I have it. Next and last gate after I get some shut eye.

The last one, the ice ferret was also a bitch to catch. I had a hard still whittling down it's health without getting it to faint and starting over. In the end Rocky Helmet was very useful. If do replace someone on my team I'm either adding this ice ferret or the ice/dragon. But the ice/dragon is further behind on levels. On the other hand ice ferret is 4x weak to fighting.

Raifort story line is now complete, she gave me Nasty Plot, not really all that useful to me but whatever. Maybe I'll do some more Tera raids so I can get more exp candy and stuff.

Man, I don't know. I really do need some more ways to cover fighting a Dragon type. I have no dragon moves, I have no ice moves, and I have two Pokemon who know a single Fairy move but neither of them are fairies. I have two Pokemon on my team that I don't really need, and one of them is a bit of a glass cannon.

I've considered putting Tinkerton back on my team but the other two Pokemon I'm looking at have just really good stats. Like one's a legendary and the other is pseudo legendary. I think I'm going to try to get ice/dragon's level up more then compare stats again. So I'm doing a lot of Tera raids to get candies as well as feathers to boost stats. One thing the ice weasel has going for it is that it's kind of cute looking, and also the attack Ruination is very powerful, it also has a great ability. I'm just really concerned about its typing.

Finally came to a decision, I've moved Watt the Kilowattrel off my team and instead put on Chien-Pao the ice-ferret-sword on my team. While I think that the ice/dragon was better logistically. I just wanted to have the ice ferret more.

So I was doing a bunch of Tera raids, including 4 star raids. Something really annoying that's happened in at least 3 of my 4 star raids is that the Pokemon used confuse ray. It sucks because my Pokemon keep hitting themselves instead of doing moves. And then the opposing Pokemon does the shield thing and I can't Tera yet because I haven't done enough moves. A couple of these raids almost ended in failure because of this sort of thing, but also because in those two my Pokemon fainted and the timer went down a bunch.

During these raids I've also caught a few Pokemon. Like hey, why evolve my Pokemon when I catch the evolution for free? Don't have to go through the trouble of leveling them up.

So talking about these ruinous legends...

The weird snail one had it's start as a writer writing about how terrible their king is. The writer was punished for trying to spread knowledge of the king's dastardliness. The writer's feelings of hatred towards the king seem to have caused the Tablets they wrote to come to life and combine with leaves to become a Pokemon.

My ice ferret doesn't have a given backstory. Somehow a broken sword combined with ice and snow to become a Pokemon. I imagine it also involves hatred or a curse of some sort that made it come to life, it's kind of a mystery.

The weird mouse also has a bit of backstory given. It looks like it was some sort of bowl for a ritual, Raifort says she thought the bowl resembled a Pokemon perhaps a deity, I'm not sure what it resembles though. But people "poured fear" into the bowl. I suppose they were scared of something this ritual was supposed to avoid whatever that something was? It seems that all that negative emotion caused the bowl to come to life as a dark type Pokemon.

I think it's interesting that the fish one is a fire type. I mean it swims through lava instead of water but it's still funny. Makes me think of Sandile because it swims through sand instead of water, too, I know there are some other Pokemon like that. This fire fish is also mysterious, no backstory. According to Raifort those beads are usually used for blessing something not cursing, so how did they come to life as a dark type? Who knows.

After eating dinner I'm heading to the Pokemon league. I'm eating chicken and waffles.

Okay I've beat Greeta but I haven't battled Nemona yet, I'll that after getting my current thoughts out, I guess I'll try to go in order.

So first I went to where the league area was via climbing up the cliff with Kori I then realized that the was a gate I could take there. I completely forgot about the gate but I did notice it when I was first exploring Mesagoza. I then spent a bit of time catching a bunch of Tandommouse because I'm trying to get the single child version of the evo. Looking at thechances right now... I'm probably going to want to catch even more...

Anyway I went into the building and Rika interviewed me. I forgot there was an interview, I was a bit nervous, but I wonder if the game will even let you lose the interview. I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't. Well she asked me about what gym I had the hardest time at and I was like uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh..... [dial up noises]. But from what I can remember it was the Psychic gym, but what she was asking for was the town, and I'm not great at remembering the town names, but I did remember this one. Then Rika asked me the name of the gym leader [dial up noise intensifies] It was honestly a bit of a guess between two names but I got the right one. Then she asked me the type and I'm like "Why are you grilling me on this?!" I mean it was the Psychic type I knew that but I was getting sick of this line of questioning.

Rika also asked me about why I was there and both "to be a champion" and "for fun" were true to me. She also asked what I was going to do once I got the title and immediately I'm like "fight Nemona". Because hell yeah!

So I passed and I could finally move on. But let me say this, when I walked into that office it sure was a little jarring to see a random office space and not a battlefield and the Rika suddenly looking like a business woman with her classes.

So the battlefield itself is boring it's just a blank blue room pretty much and all the battles happen there. I liked it when the Elite Four all have their own room themed around them and their type, it helped made the whole experience more big and epic. But here they just walk into the room. I guess you could say the lack of theming meant I didn't know what type they used but I don't that'd be a good enough reason for scrubbing the cool rooms. The same could be said about the gym buildings, I wish they weren't so cut-and-paste. I'd be nice if the gym building matched the type theme.

So, as I figured, since Rika was the one to interview me she battled me first. I didn't expect her to be a ground type trainer so that caught me a bit off guard but I did fine. Her Clodsire gave me a bit of trouble. Let me lay it out: She has Clodsire and I used my Cludsire. She Teras, I don't. If I did I would be at a disadvantage as my Clodsire is Tera poison. I tried to use Earthquake first, but she does protect. I try to use surf, her Clodsire has the Water Absorb ability and negates my attack. I use Earthquake again, she protects again. My Clodsire faints because her powered up Earthquakes hurt my poison boy. THen I used my grass cat and knock it out in one hit. It's just I really struggled to actually get a hit in.

Then the baby comes in, the child, the why-aren't-you-in-school-right-now?. Again I don't what her typeing is but I guessed ghost because her pendant kinda looked like the ghost icon. Nope! She uses steel types! I must say, it is funny though seeing thise tiny little child send out big strong guys. Same happened with Sabi, little girl with big strong Pokemon. She gave me some trouble yes, but nothing in particular worth bringing up. It wasn't that bad.

So... I had been wondering who the other elite four member was. I knew three of them so I was kinda expecting Hassel next but he came 4th. But instead I got slapped in the face with surprise. I knew a lot of people were wild about Larry but I didn't know why, sure it was kinda funny to have this businessman as a gym leader but I didn't really get the hype. I accidentally saw in one tag something along the lines of "I can't believe I didn't notice the foreshadowing" or something like that on a Tumblr post of someone posting art of him. I decided to ignore it as best as I could but I'll be honest I didn't expect this!

This is why people are wild about him, I think I get it now. When I first talked about him I thought he was an accountant or something who just did gym battles as a side gig. But no, this guy is fully a Pokemon battler who just happens to look like a depressed accountant. The boss he talked about was Greeta all along! Makes me want to look up what he says in the initial interactions with him.

So when he showed up I assumed he was using normal types again. Nope! It's flying types, but just as I figured, he did have his Staraptor on his team still. I guess something that could be considered forshadowing was the fact that he used his Staraptor as his final Pokemon in the first place. He was the only gym leader who's final Pokemon had a Tera type that matched one of it's already existing types. And I did find that kinda odd. Well all the Elite Four's Tera Pokemon tera types match their typing. So it fits in with that.

So I was caught off guard that he was using flying but only initially. I used my ice-sword-ferret and absolutely swept him. Just one hit KO after another, all from holding never-melt-ice and using ice spinner. The guy was demolished.

Finally we get to Hassel, the first of the Elite Four that I met, and also my art teacher. I assumed correctly that he used Dragon Types. He does come from a dragon tamer family after all, he even had a Gible in class with him. I also absolutely swept him with my ice ferret. Went the same exact way Larry did. Didn't stand a chance. Hassel crying because of being proud of me was cute. It was also cute that Poppy called him grandpa.

So I faced Greeta after that. The fight went mostly ok but I did have tough spots. An example of that being her... samurai bug. I've never seen that Pokemon before so I had no idea what to use angst it. I still don't know what typing it was but I'm guessing steel/dark? or steel/bug? I guess it could also be a fighting type? I really don't know.

Anyway about Greeta herself... or was it Geeta? Oh yeah it was Geeta woops, was saying her name wrong. Anyway I'm pretty meh about her as the champion. There's just nothing about her character that sticks out to me, she's a real nothing burger. Her eyes are pretty though, I like how they match the colors of her hair.

So I passed the test and am ready to face my rival, my true opponent, and the true champion in my heart, Nemona! I wanted to do the battle in her backyard but the game said no. It would have been more sentimental to me to have our final battle in the same place we had our first, but whatever game.

Anyway I've been kinda low-key shipping main character and Nemona. And I'm still doing it. Nemona calling me her treasure really seals the deal there. Well she said that having an equal was her treasure, but that does make me her treasure. And her excitement whenever she saw me was contagious. So yeah, battle time.

Well, one more thing before that, I noticed that the types the Elite Four uses matches up with the titans. Rika uses ground, that matches Great Tusks. Poppy uses steel, that matches Orthworm. Larry uses flying, that matches Bombirdier. Hassel uses dragon, that matches Tatsugiri. And while Geeta has a mixed team, her final Pokemon is a rock type, which matches Klawf. I just think it's neat that they match.

The battle with Nemona was so much fun! It felt a lot more epic then the elite four did. I still didn't have too much trouble my Pokemon are all late 60's early 70s. And I have switch mode on, switch mode really does help things be a breeze.

The music was great, I loved the location and having the big crowd watching along with the elite four, as well as Clavell and Geeta. I loved how Nemona started laughing after she lost and wanted to go for a round two. While my character's face looked overwhelmed, I was totally up for a round two. A very good ending, I loved it.

Afterwards I wake up in my dorm and Arven calls me. I guess I've gotten a real good reputation and Arven used that reputation to get a couple people to join our mission. Honestly, I thought I'd be recruiting my friends, but I guess not. I wonder if Arven knows I'm even friends with them? Well I suppose he should know about Nemona at least, but I don't know about Penny.

So he told me where on the map to go. It took me secound to find the location on the map. But I'll be going there. I'm real excited to finally go inside the crater. I just know there will be cool shit in there! So... I'll see you next time! Hasta la vistar!

[purupurple]

i believe that will be it for me this year digital art-wise considering my tablet cord has had enough of my nonsense and now it's basically dead (tablet itself seems okay though so that's good... but its pretty old...) and also i'm going out of town soon so there won't be much time to do any drawing for a good while i think. maybe i should take my sketchbook though... guess i'll put some thoughts under a readmore

well... what a year. i should write about it on my neocities before i have to fly out. remember neocities? i sure didn't for a solid six months. hey, html is hard, what can i say? that aside, i'd like to thank everyone for the support this year. my blog grew quite a lot because i was drawing quite a bit of subway boss stuff and apparently that was a good idea. like, dude... i've just been having a prolonged brainrot episode and it's still probably going to keep going for a good long while. even larry hasn't distracted me long enough to not draw ingo and emmet for one day. even without submas art i would probably still be drawing pokemon stuff, unless i decide to be real bold and re-experience my great ace attorney phase (yes i had one (no i didn't post about it. thank god)) or something like that. regardless of whether my interests shift of my activity rises or falls, and whether those who follow me now stick around or move on, i'd still like to express my gratitude for your support. and not just to people following me, but to the people liking and/or reblogging my content and to those who will follow me in the future. without the feedback, i figure i would not be posting so much. funny little notification on funny little computer make the smooth little brain become happier brain, which is a "i want to draw" brain. the amount of notes doesn't matter overall, but it's nice to be acknowledged. i still do a lot of drawing that isn't shared here because it's just stuff i do for me, but its still pretty nice to be able to make stuff that is suitable to post and to see it actually get attention.

as for the plan next year, there might be some big changes in store for me yet. and i would still like to continue to draw subway bosses. but maybe i'll start posting some original content too (like i mean i have a tag for it and i kinda haven't been using it sooooooooooooo) and more frequent posts would be nice. maybe not once a week but just here and there. perhaps i'll share more sketches. i would like to acquaint everyone with my ocs, and maybe get around to rewriting their toyhouse pages which i took down to work on and never did WHOOPSIE DOODLES

okay i think that's enough, i have to save some of this for my diary on neocities like i said... see y'all next year AYYYYYY (im so tired)

[saiharahugz]

Heya! I'm Star, Kai or Tallie! I use she/they/xe and take interest in art, editing, writing, voice acting and cosplay! I'm an editing + art account! I'm an irl of multiple characters, but any of us will reply to you!

All artwork will remain confidential, I'd prefer if art only be shared between friends or used as profile pictures WITH proper credit to me. What I will not tolerate is usage without permission, taking credit for my works, etc.

I will not do anything that includes pornography, revealing clothing, blood [unless it's a Danganronpa death scene], or broken bones.

I will do the following fandoms: The helpful Fox Senko-San, Danganronpa, My Hero Academia, Your Turn to Die, Doki Doki Literature Club, Your Turn to Fail, and Pokemon as this is just what I know!!

If you're into writing, I also have a writing account where I write for the same fandoms! You can find my writings at @kobaichii!

I will do a maximum of 2 characters. I will not do a full cast of 18 unless we're close and I trust you won't have me make minor changes when I'm done.

Please specify the character's appearance and personality so I can accurately make sprites that will be to your liking!

Specify the character's appearance, personality and ultimate. Do not repost my splash art as your own, or modify it in any way.

I'll do a maximum of two characters, either in the same photo or separate. As an extra, if you wish and specify, I'll make a info card for your character if you provide me with the information below.

Height, weight, bust size, blood type, date of birth, likes, dislikes, and ultimate.

I'll make stimboards both for characters and general themes. You're more then welcome to provide what kinda stuff you'd want in it, otherwise I'll match it with what I think fits best.

I'll make moodboards for characters only. I'll do pairings if you wish. Please provide a general theme unless you want it themed with the character!

I'll do a maximum of two characters for phones and tablet backgrounds, and a maximum of three characters for PC and laptop backgrounds.

Please send a screenshot of your lock screen/current background so I can accurately size it!

I'll currently do matching icons, glittery icons, themed icons, circle icons, and square icons!

Matching icons are at a maximum of four characters, but you're welcome to ask twice if you need more!

Stickers are meant for reaction purposes! I'll allow them for uses over discord, Tumblr and anything else as long as you don't take credit for them.

I'll do themed stickers if you provide a theme!

[glitchafton]

William: So time to explain my second round of murders.

Vanessa: The agreement was only if I wasn't drinking last night and I did just that so no, not doing that.

William: You're 23, only had two glasses of whisky and drank half a carton of coconut water and a few potassium tablets before going to bed, it's well into the afternoon, you're not hung over.

Vanessa: I work very hard to convince myself that I still have a shred of privacy in my life and you're not helping.

William: That was the point.

Vanessa: We aren't far enough out from your whole fucked up speech about how I basically belong to you for this.

William: No, but we are close enough from you letting it slip that you know a bit too much confidential information to, I'm sorry remind me again who that was?

Vanessa: The head of merchandise.

Vanessa: And I know you're just rubbing it in, but even if I knew who he was, I wouldn't remember his face. I already forgot it. Did he even have a face?

William: Vanessa...

Vanessa: Plus, he bought that I just heard it at least two people removed from a leak.

William: Or you have a much higher pressure version of your issue with Luis on the horizon.

Vanessa: On the positive if that does happen, whatever the fuck his name was could probably get me a decent promotion if I played my cards right.

William: Do you actually not know what his name was?

Vanessa: No, I should look it up in case I do hear from him again. I won't though because I talked my way out of it. We're still in the clear. It's nearly been a week and I still have my job and no creepy old men soliciting me.

Vanessa: ...I already have one 45 year old man inside me constantly, I'm good.

William: We're getting off track.

Vanessa: That was the point :)

William: The first boy I killed in my first true round of serial murders I chose because he and his sister were dropped off by their mother earlier in the afternoon and he was sitting alone coloring while his older sister was in the arcade with some of her friends.

He was a shy kid that no one was paying attention to, I'd never have an easier time convincing one of my victims to trust me enough to follow me to the back again.

He didn't even struggle when I slit his throat, so it was able to be done in one quick, neat, cut. The kid was quiet even as he bled out before collapsing.

I could have been more careful with him though, his blood covered the entire maintenance room floor, and I wasn't thinking enough about what to do next. So I left him there. Walked out while still in costume, changed out of it once I was out of view of any cameras in the back parking lot and left.

I'd get better with that last bit as I went. Part of the fun was getting to watch them be found, and the panic. Getting to see all the possible ways parents could react to seeing their child murdered, and knowing they'd never fully recover from it...

William: Sorry I got off track, you were explaining how you managed to ramble some excuse that won't hold up to any scrutiny for something that could potentially land you in prison I believe?

William: Vanessa?

William: Come now little Bunny I didn't say anything you didn't already know.

Vanessa: I thought you said you were going to tell me about the second cluster, sir.

William: Why should I skip right to there, as it is, I'm already leaving off Charlie and Cassidy.

William: Also I probably won't kill you unless there's no other option left, but it's far from the only option I have to punish you.

Vanessa: Such as...?

William: I'd rather not ruin the surprise, Bunny.

[worfs-fabulous-hair]

I'm back ! And I am alive surprisingly !

(please read! This might help me determine how this blog is run for a month or two in a month or so! I'm just adding a read more so it doesn't take up space or get one of those keep reading tabs.)

I have good news and bad news :

Good news #1 the tests I had to do on my limbs proved successful and I now know what is wrong with my arms. So therefore I don't need anymore tests and I don't have to go to doctors almost two hours away from where I live anymore .

Bad news #1 I have carpel tunnel syndrome in both hand.

Bad news #2 it's so bad that I will need surgery and then physical therapy on both hands. Which will leave me without the ability to use my hand ( or hands I haven't met the surgeon yet) for awhile. Which means I won't be able to do the show watching the way I usually do.

Now for good news #2 is that I have options on how to proceed with things once the surgery is done because I really want to just watch star trek after since I'm probably going to be basically bed ridden for that time.

Option 1 (under the circumstance that they do one arm at a time): I switch from using my tablet ( to watch TOS ) and my phone(to write thoughts and jokes) to using my TV (to watch) and my phone (to type ) . And /or change the format of the blog this way the blog stays the same .

Option 2 (which has two parts and can be used no matter which way they do the surgery ) : make a discord channel so people can watch star trek with me. I might, if you guys would like, to keep the blog as close to how it is now as possible, take my favorite commentary from the episodes and post those and tag the people who made the comments (if they leave their Tumblr which I could create a channel in the chat specifically for that). This can be done on my tablet or phone and it will make things easier on me while I make sure that y'all don't get left behind while I recover.

Option 2a : is that we continue with TOS from where I leave off when I get the surgery and just continue from there. If we finish TOS we can move onto rather the movies ( TOS movies) or go onto the next generation .

Option 2b : is that we start on a completely new series other then TOS from the beginning, it can be anything from next generation to discovery but I prefer series that are already finished ( the cartoons are also counted in this if y'all want but I wasn't going to watch any of the animated versions or cartoons until after I had watched the live action series ) as apposed to something that's still going mainly because I've designated those for my family to watch together.

Another side option that is apart of this option is to make sort of a cohesive schedule of sorts like we watch star trek Mondays and Wednesdays and then on the other days we watch other shows that aren't star trek that we can decide on becuase I will be watching though paramount + and they have a lot of shows. My family also has other subscriptions to other services that I could add onto my phone or tablet and we could watch stuff from there as a group as well I just won't be adding any commentary from those onto this blog but I might add them onto my other blog if people would want that.

Also adding the commentary on the blog would be more or less so for people who don't want to join the discord or can't be there when it is being streamed. I'll update options as I think of them or as I learn more about what is gonna happen with the surgery (ies )

I'll probably go back to doing everything like how I do it now once I recover from surgery, mainly because of my schedule and the fact that even if I wanted to streaming tons of shows all the time isn't the most ideal for having to do things. (Unless I go with option one ). I could still keep the chat up and stream a star trek series for a couple of episodes like every Saturday or Sunday after that because that's typically when I have nothing but time.

[agentsoftie]

Sleepless Nights ( S.R )

summary: Reid and Y/N aren’t the most fond of each other. So what happens when they can’t sleep, have to share a bed, and be married.

pairing: Spencer Reid and female reader

a/n: AHH okay so here it is! It’s my first au so it’s probably not the best. But big thanks to @anepiphany! Ani baby none of this would be happening without you! Thank you for you tips and making me not go insane! Also pls tell me if I slept something wrong cuz like, your girl not the best when it comes to it. Also there will def be a loophole somewhere in my case and if you find one, just let it slide because life is filled with loopholes ❤️ also this is gonna be a two parter!

warnings: mentions of a case, little angst (like the smallest amount), fluff really though

remember to like and reblog!!

You were always the type of person that got along with everyone. And by everyone you meant everyone. You were a people pleaser, always changing your personality for someone. To the security guard, you were a sports junkie, always catching the latest games. To the guy who worked at the bookshop, you were the classical girl. And to the barista, you were the girl who was always late but always paid 3 dollars extra tip. But Dr. Spencer Reid was the only exception. 6’1 and standing tall. Mr. Eidetic Memory and 187 IQ but oh God how you cared for him. You loved him, you loved him more than all the moons in the galaxy. But him? He hated you, so naturally, you hated him too. As the saying goes, if you can't beat them, join them.

“Guys we got a new case,” Garcia says.

You walked into the room and sat to the seat closest to the front where Garcia would be since she was your best friend. Ironically that was the seat farthest from Reid.

“Okay, so this is Mira Normen and her husband John Normen. They had gotten married 2 months prior to their deaths. Mira was 25 years old and she was a teacher at the local middle school. John was 26 and he ran a local pet grooming business. As you can see, but not me for obvious reasons, they were both stabbed once in their chest and then once in their thigh. Mira was shot once in the heart and once in the head and John was shot twice in the heart and twice in the throat. The M.E. found a ring stuffed into both of their throats. And not the cheap kind, I mean a year's worth of salary for one of us.”

“Okay, so this guy’s rich,” You said.

“Yeah, no shit sherlock,” Reid said.

“Guys,” Hotch said in a stern voice “Garcia do we know anything else?”

“Yes actually. They were both last spotted at an event for rich people. So like something Rossi would go to.” She said, chuckling at the last part.

“You and I both know very well that I do not go to those kinds of events. I stay at home for god sakes.” Rossi says causing you and a couple of other people to chuckle.

“Why does this case sound so familiar?” JJ asks, breaking the chuckles.

“Well there was a case exactly like this a couple of years back if my memory is correct, which it always is. We tried to solve it but we just couldn't so it ended up as a cold case.” Reid said.

“And everythings the same?” JJ asked.

“Yep, everything. Well except the city.” Reid said.

“Great, well i think we got everything. Wheels up in 30.” Hotch says while getting up.

-------

You sat alone, like always. At first everyone was concerned, like they had done something, but they then soon realized that you just liked to be alone and this was really the only time.

“Okay, so I checked if anyone had moved in the years and I have 5 names. Thomas Maddison, Stephanie June, Eliza Honeycutt, Devi Paradise, and Klaus Hiller. And only one moved to our little town and that would be Miss Eliza Honeycutt.” Garcia said.

“Can you ch-” Morgan was saying but got cut off when she said

“Already did ‘Hot Chocolate’. Miss Eliza moved a total of 3 months after the case. Looks like it was due to a messy divorce. Her and Mr. Maddison had not been going strong for the last couple of months and it looks like they decided to call quits just before you guys came to town.”

“Can you-” Morgan started to say but then was again cut off by Garcia.

“Already got you babes. The address should be sent to your tablets.” Everyone was still looking at her, “that means look at your tablets.” She says while gesturing her hands making them look down.

“We got it babygirl,” Morgan said without being interrupted.

“Great! Now, this is the time I leave and let you amazing little people do your jobs!” And with that, she was out and so were you.

-------

It was 10 pm when you got to the hotel. You weren't exhausted but you definitely were not in the mood to solve a murder or multiple in this case. You all had checked in now was your favorite time of all choosing rooms. You never bunked with anyone unless Garcia, but that's if she ever came on a case. Emily and JJ were already gone, same with Hotch and Rossi. You were about to grab the key for the single room but Morgan got it before you.

“Sorry hot stuff, I need room alone this time.”

“What!? Why!?”

“I don't need to explain myself to you Y/N,” Moran says, and just like that he was gone.

You and Reid grabbed the keys without looking at each other and walked in the elevator. You both did not make any eye contact until you got into the room. There was only one bed. You immediately called room service but they said that there were no more rooms available so you two were stuck with that one.

“Okay, which one of us is gonna sleep on the floor?” you heard Reid say.

“Excuse me,?”

“You heard me.”

“Oh stop being such a baby Reid. We both know that if you don't sleep on a bed or something remotely similar you get all grumpy and get headaches all day. And if I don't sleep on a bed or something similar I get high on caffeine and get paranoid. So for the sake of the team, we are gonna sleep on the goddamn bed together!”

He didn't know you paid attention to him like that. Sure everyone knew that he would get grumpy, but headaches? No one, not even JJ. He didn't like to tell people about them fearing of being babied around even more than he already is. Although he did know that whenever you don't get enough sleep not only do you high on caffeine, but you have nightmares. You never told anyone except Garcia of course. He’d realized that you had nightmares after a group holiday to Rossi’s beach house, he heard you talking in your sleep and there were not good things being said.

“Okay geez fine whatever. Are you gonna go shower first, or am I”

“Me obviously,” you say while getting your clothes.

The water was hot when you got in, just how you like it. You started to soak your hair in the water needing to cool down a little and prepare yourself for the days ahead of you. All you could think about was sharing the same bed with him. With the guy, you're in love with but doesn’t know. And will never know.

After 30 minutes you got out of the shower and changed. You wore a pair of shorts and a loose flowy t-shirt which you had knotted after putting it on because it was too big. After you brushed your teeth, did your skincare, and brushed your hair.

“Finally, how long does it take?” You heard Reid say while you were walking out of the bathroom. He didn't look up until you sat on the bed turning the tv on.

“It takes 40 minutes Reid, it always takes 40 minutes. But you would never know because you've never had a girl stay over,”

“Oh, you're so funny aren't you,” he says in an annoyed way.

“Yeah, I am.” You said smirking while looking up expecting to see him annoyed but instead greeted with a small smile which was then washed away quickly by the sound of his voice.

“Okay, I'm gonna go take a shower now. Don't wait up.”

“ I won't, don't worry.” You say while he goes into the bathroom. You swear you saw him smile. It may have been small but it was there.

-------

“You waited for me.” You hear while turning off the tv. He was wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. His hair was an absolute mess, and you could tell that he had to take a shower in not the hottest water.

“Ha, yeah no. You took like 10 minutes, did you think I was gonna fall asleep in 10 minutes.”

“Yeah well, that's what happens when you take up most of the hot water.”

“I'm sorry, you should have gone in the shower first.”

“You wanted to go into the shower first!”

“Okay and? Look, can we just go to bed or something? We have a long ass day ahead of us.”

You felt the bed dip and got chills all over. He didn't seem to notice, thankfully. You were cold, but not cold enough to want to layer up. You looked over and the time and it read 11:15. You tried to sleep, but you just couldn't. So again you looked over and read 11:39, and then it was 12:06. You felt like you were going insane.

“Why are you still up?” Reid said in a raspy voice while turning over to face you.

“Huh? Oh, um, I couldn't, can't sleep.”

“Ugh, fine come here.”

“What?” Before you could say anything he had wrapped his arm around you and forced you to nuzzle up against his chest. It actually felt pretty nice. You felt like you were on top of the world and that everything was going to be okay. You put your arm on him after processing what was happening. He then pulled you in closer and when you looked up at him you realized that he was knocked out, gone like a light in one of those horror movies. And before you realized it you were out too.

-------

“Y/L/N wake up,” is all you hear. The sun was barely out yet, so naturally, you just wanted to go back asleep.

“5 more minutes”

“Fine.” Although he didn't want to say anything or admit in this case. This was the best sleep that he’d gotten in a while. At first, he thought it was because of the way he slept but he then quickly realized that it was because of you. With your legs intertwined with his, one of your arms on his chest and the other in his hand. Your hair, so messy, yet so perfect at the same time and he would give anything to fall back asleep with you. He was in love. He was in love and was falling, falling harder than ever.

“Y/N, come on it's been 10 minutes. We need to go, get up.”

“What? Oh. Wait, fuck, what time is it?” You say in your very raspy yet airy morning voice.

“6:13, now we have to get ready or we will be late.”

You didn't want to get up, you really didn't. You wanted this moment to never end, but sadly time was not on your side for this one. “We never speak of last night, got it.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Its agent.”

-------

“Miss Honeycutt, hi I’m Agent Y/L/N,” You say while sitting down for the interrogation.

“Hi yeah, why am I here?”

“Oh, no one’s told you yet?’

“Well yes the people who rudely (italicize) came into my home said something but I wasn’t really listening.”

“Oh okay then. You're here as a suspect for multiple murders.” Her face was in total and utter shock. “There has been a murder recently that connects to a murder that took place back a couple of years ago. You lived there when it had happened and then you moved. And now you’re here because a murder played out exactly that same way as the one that took place in the past.”

“Look, I have a valid reason for moving-”

“Divorce I know.”

“Yes, well you don’t know the reason.”

“Oh, and what would that be?”

“I was cheating on him, Thomas. He found out and then immediately filed for divorce.”

“Huh, is that so. Well, you kno-” You were cut off by the sound of the one and the only doctor himself.

“Y/L/N can I please speak to you.”

“Um yeah.” You walk outside of the interrogation room to face him. “What is it?”

“I don't think she did it. The way she’s reacting to all of this is way too natural to fake and she still hasn't called for a lawyer to be present. Normally in these types of situations the un-sub mostly always calls for a lawyer or anyone in that case.”

“I know, I know, I know. But she mentioned an ex-husband that could help us with this case.”

“So what you're just gonna “interrogate” her until she starts to talk about her former husband, or just talk about that and only that as a whole?”

“Yes, precisely.”

“You amaze me Y/N,” this was the first time he said your name in conversation naturally and not because he was forced to for an undercover assignment and shit. Well except for this morning but you can't decide if that was a small little fever dream or actual life so it doesn't count.

“And I you Spencer.” He noticed, oh he noticed and his heart practically burst from his chest because of the serotonin he got when you said his name. It was like every time you said his name an angel got its wings.

-------

“Hey Garcia, could you dig a little deeper on our little Thomas Maddison?” You ask her.

“Of course pumpkin. Okay so here's what I got. Thomas Maddison born May 30th leaving him to be a Gemini and you know how I feel about those. He moved from our fun little town too, well, um,-” was what she said before being cut off by Emily.

“What do you mean by ‘um’ Garcia?” She said with a puzzled expression.

“Well, ‘um’ means he disappeared from the face of Earth. Completely gone. No new dental records, no new home, I mean, not even a simple receipt. It’s like he just clicked ‘erase all’ after the divorce.”

“Is that even possible?” I ask.

“Well yes, but you have to literally become a new person for that to happen.”

“Garcia look into anything in his life that could possibly lead him to have hundreds of thousands of dollars,” Reid said.

“Okay, so it says here in one article that he owned a local jewelry store that got burned down around that time of the divorce. The local paper wrote it off as an accident but everyone thought he wanted to skip town after the divorce so he would just take all of the insurance money. Which I guess is kind of true. Um but anyway, yeah that’s really the only explanation. His parents didn't leave him that much money in the will, and he wasn't a drug dealer.”

“Okay, thanks hun! You've been of more help then you know. Call Hotch and everyone else in. I think we got the profile.” You said before ending the call.

* literally 5 or 6 minutes later *

“Okay, so the guy we’re looking for is very popular with the people. He always tries to make everything about himself. Your classic narcissist.” Hotch starts off with.

“This guy hates love though. He never brings up the topic and hates it when people bring it up. And although he hates love, he looks like the guy who could pick anyone he wanted, although he relatively picks on younger women.” JJ adds.

“Yes, and this guy is going to be a white caucasian male. Most likely in his late 20 or early 30s. And he is going to have wealth and will show it off as often as he can.” Emily says.

“Any questions” you heard Hotch ask.

“There’s an event tomorrow just like the one that Mira and John attended. Will he be there? And if so, do you think he will attack again? And if yes then what will do?” You see an officer asking.

“Well yes, we heard of that and already planned everything out. Tomorrow night Agent Y/L/N and DR.Reid will be attending the event.” Rossi said.

You were in complete shock, and frankly so was Reid. You guys never agreed to this, and as much as I love black tie events, they aren't really my cup of tea when there can possibly be a serial killer there. Not to mention the guy I fucking love more than anyone in the world would be there, with me (italicize). Like now I have to look badass and sexy (italicize) at the same time, although that wouldn't be that hard you thought to yourself.

“Guys, can Reid and I please talk to you all in private.” You give Rossi and Hotch very unobvious yet obvious death stares.

“Yeah, now please.” He says.

* again like 2 or 3 minutes later *

“Um hello, last time I never agreed to this and by the look on Reid’s face, neither did he.”

“Y/N you heard, our unsub likes younger women,” Derek says,

“Okay well then just send in Emily, or JJ, or both in that case.” You say in an angry tone.

“Oh baby, you think we're young? Were flattered but no. Sadly out of all of us, you look the youngest, and are the youngest.” JJ says while laughing along with Emily.

“And for you Reid, you out of most people should know that the murders happened between young lovers who got married. And Derek doesn’t call you pretty boy for nothing. Rossi says following JJs statement.

“We really aren't getting out of this one huh?” He asks.

“No. Now it's late so I want you all to get a good night's rest and be ready tomorrow. Reid and Y/L/N you guys can sleep in a little but you'll have to be ready by 4:30.” Hotch says. And with that, everyone goes back to their rooms.

“I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, then all at once” – John Green, The Fault in our Stars

Part two coming tomorrow!

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.