#Shit Exi Says

[cozza-frenzy]

DISCORD DJ SET - SATURDAY APRIL 22ND, 1 PM CST/7 PM BST!

BET YOU GUYS DIDN’T KNOW I COULD DJ, DIDYA?? Well, I can! And I’m gonna be STREAMING for about an hour - starting 1 PM CST / 7 PM BST, on the Discord server I help run! My sets have absolutely nothing to do with the fandom that brings us all together... but we have fun in all kinds of ways here! Consider this your formal invitation to TERRY’S MERRY UNBIRTHDAY BASH! Expect crazy tunes,one crazy toon, and an unbirthday cake finale!!! Here’s the invite link to the server! We’re open to ALL - doesn’t matter if you know the podcast or not! Just react to the rules, and mention in intros that you’re here for the DJ Set!

[cozza-frenzy]

cw: Contains Rapid Cuts Between Static Images. Watch out if you're photosensitive.

What a fucking weekend this has been.

[cozza-frenzy]

It always seems to surprise me how many people actually give a damn about me. How people on here who I've had little interaction with, and have just followed for a long time, recognize me. They're happy to see me. I worry I'm being parasocial somehow but they 'know' me. Someone I haven't really talked to that much, treated me to some soft-serve tonight and asked me if I'd like to take a walk because my anxiety was acting up. We'd had moments of solidarity before over the fact we both have the same neurotype, but I didn't think they saw me as someone worth their concern. I mean, I'm used to feeling this way about other people, but it still comes as a shock when that feeling is mutual. Even when I realized that all those years ago, after playing a certain video game.

I guess I'm still not really used to people caring at all?

[exyconfessions]

GUYS I JUST SAW NEIL AND AAROPN HOLY SHIT

so they had this massive argument (about andrew i think?) behind the med block (i was taking a smoke but they couldn’t see me) and aaron just fucking swung at him. he dodged but like it was an actual physical altercation type thing.

nothing i can do so i just wait till they’re gone and think nothing more of it but then an hour later im in the dorm A and my room faces the fox tower so i have a pretty clear view of its roof. i’m taking a smoke out the window and look up to the tower by chance and see them sitting on the edge, making out?????? like hardcore full on absolutely devouring each other. ngl it was kinda hot but the point is i think aaron and neil are hate fucking holy shit

.

[feelingthedisaster]

okay, being 100% honest, dont pull a josten and lie to me

if exy and all the aftg stuff was real, would you actually like exy? if someone mentioned kevin day/neil josten/etc, would you recognize their names?

and if the answer is yes, would you be a hater, a stan, indiffent?

remember, you cant lie

[excelsior9173]

oh my god i wanted to post this earlier but then ✨trauma✨ happened and i needed a break-

was at my moms to recover mentally from said trauma and we were sitting quietly while i got cuddles from the cats when all of a sudden my mom says “wow what a photo” and proceeds to send me a link on facebook

i open it expecting some like, pretty landscape shot or something- y’know something breathtaking because of nature and shit. figured she was sharing something she thought would help settle me…

MY MOM IS REALLY OUT HERE SENDING ME PHOTOS OF VESSEL. SHES THIRSTING NOW TOO. WE HAD A WHOLE CONVO ABOUT HOW ATTRACTIVE HE IS BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE DARK/OTHERWORLDLY VIBE (to be fair this is the same mom who when we got a peek at vessel’s jaw in the new mask took one look and said “he has a nice jawline. i like nice jawlines” i shouldn’t have been so caught off guard lmao)

[sibyl-of-space]

oh my god so a while ago i submitted the amadeus demo to a certain not-to-be-named indie event, not really expecting it would be accepted but figuring it's worth a shot and either way i get feedback. right.

now i have had... mixed... experiences with the particular group putting on this event. i think they do some genuinely awesome work and provide an invaluable service, but the overall community still feels wholly unprepared for anything even remotely artsy or weird. like even though it's an indie scene it feels very normie core. i don't even consider amadeus that artsy or weird, but i am occasionally reminded that i may have a skewed frame of reference compared to a lot of folks.

(a few months ago i attended a narrative feedback thing with them that was such a dumpster fire it pissed me off so bad i went and wrote 43790248932 paragraphs about it on here. like just genuinely some "have you, like, ever read a book?" tiers of utterly baffling "criticism." one of them pointed out to me that i may not have considered this, but Amadeus comes off as slightly rude. ....NO FUCKING SHIT.)

anyway. i submitted the demo because i figured the feedback would be useful, i can use any positive quotes in future trailers, etc. i have as of today learned that the game didn't get in and also received the promised feedback.

first of all i think it says a lot that from seeing in the email "we regret to inform you," my response was oh thank fuck. I don't really want to deal with tabling at an event cuz I have other shit going on and would rather focus on finishing the game since I've just made a lot of decisions I'm excited about; they also didn't get these responses back far enough in advance to actually prepare tabling materials if I HAD been accepted so it would have been more stress than anything else. I've also been salty at things like the above narrative feedback debacle so I was absolutely just like "this is completely fine with me."

But I made the mistake of reading the feedback provided and now I am going insane again.

TO BE FAIR! SOME OF THE FEEDBACK IS GENUINELY THOUGHTFUL, I may take or leave a lot of it, some of it raises good points I've already addressed, some of it clearly understands what I'm going for etc. I appreciate all of that.

But man some of this is pissing me offfffffffffff.

Some quotes that are making me particularly want to kill someone:

"When first meeting the witch the dialog is just incredibly long and boring and I ended up skipping through most of it. Given how linear this story seems to be, I think it would be better suited as a webcomic or a motion comic, not a visual novel."

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD NOVEL MEANS. JESUS CHRIST.

I am extrapolating a hint of potentially meaningful feedback from this which I'm already addressing (the personality of the Witch in that conversation should come through more than it does) - but this person gave that "feedback" in the douchiest most insufferable way possible. Luckily for them, I've since made that conversation even longer. Fuck off.

"Some of the music is very harsh and dissonant while being very repetitive, which made me less enthusiastic about listening to it."

This was the same person which just tells me they have no taste. Like hmm I wonder if there was an intentional reason I am using dissonance in the soundtrack about someone going through something insanely fucked up. The repetition is an understandable critique even if I'll be ignoring it, but "some of the music is harsh and dissonant" is not a valid critique. Soundtracks aren't supposed to just sound like nice flowery music all the time, or at least not good ones. I'll be making the full soundtrack more dissonant just for you.

"Is there a reason for the Amadeus's bracers to be colored in but not the rest?"

[different person] THIS . THIS. F. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS

NO. THERE'S NO REASON. I TRIPPED AND FELL AND ACCIDENTALLY ONLY SOMEHOW ENDED UP COLORING HIS ARMS IN EVERY SINGLE ASSET THAT DEPICTS HIM BY ACCIDENT SOMEHOW! THANK YOU FOR CATCHING THIS OVERSIGHT! SILLY ME!!!! IM TEARING MY HAIR OUT

"Not all of the music is equally fitting. There's at least one track that gets a bit techno."

yeah and im adding another track inspired by Bad Taste Aquarium from Sonic Adventure and another one that's basically GoldenSlaughterer 2. girl help I'm being "critiqued" by lame people with absolutely no taste

im so glad i read this after i finished moving my to-do lists to a new project management platform and getting really excited/motivated about where i'm at with the game because if i had seen this 2 days ago it would have just fucking killed my motivation. man. it's literally so hard being the only person with #vision

[cozza-frenzy]

THEN MAKE ROOM. Do it anyway! Life seems small, dull and painful when you're scared people might think you're silly - and when you feel like you're not allowed to be you, you'll waste all your energy on trying to be literally anything else. There are too many people who are so opposed to joy that they'd rather tear someone else down for being too happy than try to assess why they're so miserable themselves. And needless to say, fuck that. Throw your middle fingers up at people's expectations. Go be as much you as you possibly can. As long as you're not doing any harm to yourself and others then you have nothing to be scared of. And even if people do judge you? Either they'll go back to forgetting you ever existed like you forget most strangers on the street ever existed, or you'll live rent-free in their head forever while they stew in jealousy over what they won't allow themselves to have.

It’s so hard being a silly goose in this anti-whimsy society

[unwillingtoreachout]

thinking about Kevin Day on this awful day

[louisapennyfeather2021]

I think I'm starting to understand how Nora was able to create Exy.

My Tumblr feed from my mutuals is a mix of Hockey, F1, and Pro Wrestling right now and the silly voice in my head is trying to think of the most unhinged crossover of these three events.

Now I'm not saying it'd be a partnered sporting event on a twisting ice track with sponsored teams where body slamming someone is legal and you win a belt and a title with the theatrics of wrestling, but I'm starting to understand the concept of creating a sport with limited rules and so much violence it's concerning🫡

[cozza-frenzy]

I've referenced The Nazi Bar Thread in a number of conversations related to this kind of shit. Nice to see it on my dash again.

[foxgloveinspace]

helloooooo!!!!

i was scrolling facebook earlier today and saw a sleep token group discussing who they thought was oldest/youngest in the band and it was interesting! everyone seems to interpret each of them differently which is fun lol.

but i did see someone discussing what they were pretty sure were *actual* ages of the guys. not overly bothered, it was still respectful of the anonymity and honestly not that far off from my guesses but now i’m spiralling

because now i’m thinking about how old that person said vessel is, and how old the band itself is, and coming to the horrific realization that vessel went through a lot of horrible shit at a very young age. like he couldn’t have been much older than i am now when the band started and i cannot imagine experiencing anything half as painful as what he writes in his songs- i’m still a baby! lol. i’m very in my feels about it and it’s also partly because i watched barbie tonight and was not prepared to feel existential over a movie about dolls 😂

but yeah. that’s been my night lmao. existential crises and crippling empathetic heartache for a man i’ve never met lol

I spent way to much trying to think of how to respond to this haha.

I think I came to that realization not long after finding Sleep Token. Vessel’s always felt around 4/5 years older then me, and in the older performances he felt like a younger person (I hope that line makes since).

It’s always a bit emotionally stressful to remember tho. That Vessel was probably only around 20 (or maybe even younger) while going through all the shit he’s been through.

[joejhang]

andrew is so real for thinking neil is a hallucination cos now that we have outsider pov on him it's actually insane that he's a real person. like this is neil josten: he's the prettiest boy you've ever met. he's the runaway son of a serial killer. he has a million dollars but is afraid of spending money. he folds his clothes a specific way so he can tell when someone's gone through his stuff. he keeps a stalker's journal on the two greatest exy players of all time. he wears coloured contacts and they're brown. he paid a busboy $100 to knock him out cold. he insulted a celebrity athlete on live tv after trying to keep a low profile. he says he's trying to stay alive while running towards death like it's a race. he mouths off to the mafia. he respects your boundaries and is the first person ever to take you at face value and not consider you an out of control psychopath. he orders hits on your abusers. he has the most electric blue eyes you've ever seen. he looks great in clubbing clothes but dresses like he's homeless. he insults someone for their "intricate and endless daddy issues" while his father is a convicted mobster and serial killer. he didn't give a fuck when his teammate was killed. everyone seems to like him even though it's clear he's hiding a million secrets. he doesn't catch on to the many many hints you're giving him. he calls you out not for being a danger to others but for being a danger to yourself. he thinks you should be protected as well as trusting you to protect him (and you think, how can someone be a victim and a protector?). he doesn't give a flying fuck what literally anyone thinks about him. he comes back from being waterboarded and tortured and abused for weeks (to protect you) and is still as feisty and bitchy as before. except now he's a redhead and has many more scars. he is possibly the first person to ever make the active decision to protect you. he's willing to put himself in harm's way again and again and again so he won't lose you. he always has a cigarette but he never smokes. he says "you're not actually a sociopath are you?" and "the next time someone calls you soulless i might have to fight them". even though he's messy and a little oblivious he's sees you. he might be the only person to ever want you off your drugs. he wants to see you lose control, is aware that you're not out of control, you're actually so controlled and restrained all of the time and he wants to see you feel something, he wants you to be angry, be angry at him. he riles you up on purpose to see you show emotion, feel something. he's a runner and yet he's still possibly the bravest person you've ever met. he gets kidnapped and comes back even more bruised and battered than before and he's still a mouthy little shit who bitches at the press and cuts deals with the yakuza. he's most of the reason why the worst team in the nation ends up winning championships. he shoves a guy clean off his feet because they body checked you. he punched celebrity athlete riko moriyama in public, for you. he threatens him, for you. he's almost killed on live tv. he mouths off to the fbi. he watches the (second) best exy player in the world get shot. he also watches his father, notorious serial killer and gangster, get shot in front of him. and he laughs. he smiles. he kisses you and is never gonna run again and he's free and he wants to be with you, he wants you.

[cozza-frenzy]

Thanks for the support!!

Over 50 notes on that neos post and here I was afraid of getting hate mail! I love you guys, and I love my neos! It really does give me euphoria to have something so personal, something that really says something about me as soon as someone says it. Fact is, I love to make people smile and laugh - I love being my authentic silly self, and I love sharing the joy I feel from that with others. It can be hard for me to express that because a lot of people associate stoicism, cynicism, and emotional restraint with maturity. Being an extreme extrovert and being autistic, there's a tendency for people to see the way I am as "child-like" - at best that means they don't take me seriously, and at worst it means they're threatened by my existence. So I guess using toon/toons/toonself - making the living cartoon character I always have been a part of my very self - is a way for me to reclaim that and everything it means. The joy of being me; and the terror and confusion certain people feel when they're confronted with the impossible, with someone who is weird and likes it. I'm throwing those expectations back in their faces like a custard pie, and I've got an endless supply of whipped cream and cherries. And if that feels threatening to you? Oh buddy, you haven't even seen the HALF of it.

[dcvina-claires]

the year is 2006. you’re an avid fan of collegiate exy. kevin day recently transferred from the best team in the league to the worst after breaking his hand in a skiing accident. before the season starts, janie smalls attempts suicide. she’s a fox, so absolutely no one is surprised by this. however, this means that david wymack has to find a new striker. he picks up a neglected, unremarkable kid from millport. for some reason, this mysterious nobody thinks it’s okay to publicly humiliate riko moriyama, king of exy. apparently, neil josten and kevin day talk shit about riko all the time (this confuses you. kevin and riko are supposed to be best friends). not long after, seth gordon dies of an overdose. once again, it’s the foxes, so no one should be surprised, but something is… off. seth was clean, and it didn’t seem likely for him to throw it away. the foxes don’t get anyone to replace him. despite being short a player, they’re performing better than ever before. you don’t want to admit it, but neil josten can probably be credited with a lot of the foxes success. and something is off about that kid, too. he’s a 5’3 brunette with brown eyes, and then suddenly he’s not. he comes back from winter break with red hair and blue eyes, but more interesting than that is the number four tattooed onto his face, marked for the ravens, marked for the perfect court. the normal minyard twin murders someone in cold blood. neil josten is actually nathaniel wesninski. his father, the butcher of baltimore, tortures him and burns his tattoo off. the trojans throw away their shot at winning. kevin covers up his tattoo with a queen chess piece. he’s never been skiing, the theories behind what happened to his hand are endless. jean moreau transfers to the trojans. this isn’t helping with the abuse allegations. despite everything stacked against them, the foxes beat the ravens. the unhinged minyard twin shatters riko’s hand to stop him from murdering the mafia kid on live tv. for some reason, this is riko’s final straw and he kills himself. some people are blaming kevin, andrew, and neil, but you personally believe that it’s a tad bit dramatic to commit suicide after losing one game and breaking a hand. the rest of the ravens don’t seem to agree, as they’re all suddenly in the most fucked up game of “follow the leader” known to man. jean moreau is spotted being escorted from the foxes dorm room a bloody mess, but that’s only the beginning. one of the ravens stabs himself with a letter opener, another steps onto the subway tracks, and a third overdoses. it’s 2007, and you started saying that the ravens were in a cult as a joke, but you don’t know if it’s a joke anymore. you’re seriously starting to consider that your favorite sport was created solely as a front for the mafia

[spilledcoffeeonthefloor]

Fans making a youtube video with the title:

"Neil josten when Andrew"

and it's like:

*reporter: Neil Josten! people say Andrew m-

Neil: nope, imma stop u right there. you bring Andrew up again and we're having a big problem here. I'm tired of your never ending self made drama about my teammates.

*reporter, Again: Neil Josten! there has been rumors about your current goalie Andr-

Neil: there has been rumors about your mother as well, actually! people say his son doesn't have a better job to do than making a shit amount of money out of people's private life.

*camera on Neil staring at Andrew in a middle of a warm up before a match.

*camera on Kevin talking to Neil, Neil literally zoning out, then turning his head around and looking for something. kevin sighs, then points toward Andrew in the corner. Neil's face lighting up

*camera on Neil looking at Andrew in the goal when he's standing out for the game and doing a "Andrew smile" soft and proud and literally heart eyes.

*camera on Neil punching a stricker for shoving Aaron.

*camera on Neil turning toward Andrew everytime he scores.

*more Neil staring at Andrew

*another stricker yells something at Andrew mid game,

Neil punching the guy in the guts, twice, walking toward the referrer, snatching a red card before the referrer could even offer it, and punching the stricker dude twice more

*reporter: Neil josten, your goalie Minyard did an excellent performance at this game, do-

Neil: OH MY GOD, RIGHT????? like, wow that was amazing. he is amazing. I've been obsessed with exy since i was a kid, and I've seen really, really great things in exy, but this? that defense? that was the greatest thing I've ever seen. he didn't let a single goal in. like-*endless yapping*

*reporter: Neil josten, how's playing with Minyard?

Neil: good, he keeps me on my knees.

Neil:....

Neil: TOES. HE KEEPS ME ON MY TOES.

*Camera on Neil laughing so hard at something Andrew said with complete deadpan

*a tweet that says "i wish Andrew Minyard would bench press me" and has a "liked by Neil josten" above it.

*Camera on Neil threatening a nurse at the hospital to let her see Andrew, who was hurt mid game.

then again, camera on Neil shouting "ok then I'm buying the fucking hospital"

*Camera on Wymack trying to prevent Neil from buying the hospital

*reporter: Neil josten you look fabulous tonight! can you tell us what brand you're wearing?

Neil: i have not a single idea, Andrew picked it up

reporter: you just wear whatever he picks up for you..?

Neil: yuP.

*Foxes on tv in a quiz show, camera on Neil taking Andrew's coffee mug, taking a sip, put two sugar cubes in it, blowing it a bit to cool down then handing it to Andrew and turning to the host: excuse me what were you saying?