#exy confessions

[exyconfessions]

If Andrew Minyard has a million fans, then I am one of them. If Andrew Minyard has ten fans, then I am one of them. If Andrew Minyard has only one fan then that is Neil Josten.

.

[kevinsdsy]

i LOVEEEE your socmed aus they keep me going i NEEDD to see jeremy beefing with shawn over jean and/or a confession (whether directly to jean or to cat/laila/whoever about his Jean Feelings)

i hear you loud and clear 🫡 honestly when i started doing these i just thought i’d do a few silly lil parts with some texts and tweets and that’s it.

not indulging too much in the characteristics of other teammates. no sudden established relationships (except for tony & nabil). no extra headcanons. no shawn anderson. no plot, basically. nothing that could truly be proven incorrect when tsc2 would come out.

but then i got carried away and we’re like 25 parts further down the line and suddenly we’re talking about doing a summer olympics era of the socmed au too LIKE ‼️

so the upcoming weeks i’m going to try and indulge in jerejean more :)) and then because summer olympics au is still set in france who knows what’ll happen then 👀

[codename-adler]

*ahem* kevaaron *ahem*

[foxgloveinspace]

FOX!! hi!!!! i’m really excited again!!

i got asked out on my first ever date today 🥰

it’s not fully planned yet, we still have to pick a day but omg! someone wants to go out with me?! i can’t believe it, and i’m very happy to finally be branching out a bit. i’ve been getting a bit lonely, watching some of my friends go on dates and have relationships

and i’m finally almost done school so i feel like i have the emotional availability to actually start seeing someone

it’s just exciting because this is a really big step and i feel like i’m finally growing up and looking at the future. and it might be nice to have a partner and be able to shut up all my family with their “we’ve lost hope for exie and their cousin finding husbands” shit lol. it’s honestly not that serious but it does bug me a bit. because it’s not like for a lack of trying or anything. and now maybe they’ll see that i’m not going to be a spinster lol

Yay! Thats really cool Exie, I'm super happy for you!

[dark-side-blog3]

What would your yanderes use to lure you into a trap?

Let's say your yanderes set up a cardboard box propped up by a stick, or maybe one of those fancy table ontop of a suspicious carpet that maaaaay or not be right over a pitfall trap.

I'll go first:

[perfectlyoongi]

SECOND-CHANCE!NAMJOON who asked the stars every night for them to guide you back to him.

SECOND-CHANCE!NAMJOON who was amazed to see you at his door on a saturday morning. you had rang the doorbell without any hope or desire — to tell the truth, you didn’t even know why you were there, why you rang the doorbell, why you waited for Namjoon. but when he opened the door, when you saw Namjoon for the first time after your breakup, you realized — your heart called out for Namjoon. but would that really be the reason? or would you have gone to his house to deliver the shirts you stole from him ages ago? would you have gone to Namjoon’s house just to say goodbye one more time? no, that didn’t make sense, it couldn’t be. Namjoon knew you, he knew you wouldn’t go that far for a second goodbye. so what were you doing there? wait… don’t you say th—

SECOND-CHANCE!NAMJOON who listened to you without uttering a single sound. your every word traveled to Namjoon’s heart, where they basked in a bed of eternal waiting. your every feeling was patiently listened to by Namjoon and weighed on a cosmic scale of opportunities. your every confession was met with pure hope and happiness, as if a new door had been opened for Namjoon’s love. you were in front of him, telling him how much you missed him and how much you needed him. you weren’t looking at Namjoon, but you were there, in front of him, saying how empty your life had become from the moment you separated. that saturday morning, you were there, in front of Namjoon, telling him how wrong it was that you ended your relationship — and Namjoon just listened to you.

SECOND-CHANCE!NAMJOON who waited for you to finish talking to kiss you. when you finished your rehearsed speech, there was a pause. for the first time since you arrived, you were looking at Namjoon waiting for an answer, a reaction, something that would tell you if it was a good idea for you to go see Namjoon. but Namjoon didn’t speak — Namjoon didn’t need to speak. as if begging for air, Namjoon kissed you for the first time in forever. as if searching for the reason for his existence, Namjoon kissed you once again as he had done so many times before. as if giving in to his fate, Namjoon kissed you. “i’ve waited forever for this moment. and i would wait however many eternities it would take to hold you in my arms again.”

SECOND-CHANCE!NAMJOON who asks you two, three times if you’re sure you want to start over. he wanted it, a lot, but Namjoon also wanted you to be happy — and if your happiness came at the cost of his, he wouldn’t mind offering you his happiness on a golden platter. so Namjoon wanted to be sure. would you be ready to start over? should you start over? with each question Namjoon asked, more certainties grew within you. yes, you never forgot Namjoon. yes, you always loved Namjoon. yes, you wanted to date Namjoon again. yes, it was Namjoon. it was always Namjoon like it was always you. and with your certainty and with all of Namjoon’s certainty, it happened. “knowing that your happiness still depends on me makes me feel so good. i know it’s selfish to feel this way, but i was so afraid that you would have found someone else who would make you happy.”

SECOND-CHANCE!NAMJOON who is finally happy. simply that. your return to Namjoon’s life brought pure happiness. that raw, heavy feeling that ran through your entire body and made you move and live; that pure and delicate feeling, which made you see the world in different colors; that feeling he had lost the day he lost you was back. just like you. how was it possible for Namjoon to not just be happy? “my god how i love you. how i missed you so much. how i love you. yes, again. because i always love you.”

SECOND-CHANCE!NAMJOON who promised to give you the entire universe as proof of his eternal love. like an exploding star and a nebula painting the vast nothingness of our universe, Namjoon wanted to shout to the whole world that you were back. Namjoon wanted to make sure your existence was marked in the universe. with your love, Namjoon would build constellations that would forever tell your story. with his love, Namjoon would build a world where the god was only you. pure veneration and devotion was what you deserved. and he insisted on giving you everything, the whole world, the whole universe — everything to make you happy. “and when the day comes when i have to leave, look for me in every creation in the universe, because i am there creating a new galaxy just for you.”

[parasocialqueen]

betsy dobson the woman that you are.

the way in tkm she says to Neil (after he barely comes back in one piece from spending xmas in the nest) “I confess I don’t understand much about sports,”

Vs in tsc when she’s saying something obviously incorrect about exy to get jean to talk (after he was on his deathbed)

Bee I love u bee

[ionlydrinkhotwater]

Imagine the streaming series true crime doc about the "Butcher of Baltimore". The Moriyamas are fine with it cause it mostly leaves them out of the story, the doc makes it sound like Nathan and his evil henchmen were independent criminals and not acting for the Moriyamas, and pins the majority of the crimes done by them on Nathan leaving out that he was often acting on their behalf. And paints the narrative they want. The only mention of the Moriyamas is that Tetsuji wanted Neil to join the Ravens when he was a kid because he saw potential in this talented child and if he had been able to he could have "protected this poor child from his monsterous father" (queue the Moriyamas positioning themselves as brave, kind and generous) but Neils mother ran off with him before the "kind and generous" offer could be finalized cause Neil and Mary had had enough of Nathans abuse (and not cause the Moriyamas were gonna buy Neil as property as well). The FBI are happy with the doc cause it's copaganda that makes them look great and competent, the good guys beating an uncomplicated villain (to be clear Nathan is an uncomplicated villain but the FBI are NOT the good guys), the Hardfords are totally absent from the series.

Neil Josten starts trending cause even non exy fans are FACINATED and the press is lapping it up.

It becomes one of the top streamed docs cause the details are so lurid and horrific and the fact that the son of the Butcher is on his way to being a sport celeb.

Neil was contacted by the true crimes doc but he refused to participate.

He hates the inaccurate way they portray his mom as someone who had no idea of the kind of monster she married until it was too late who was fleeing from her horrible husband who she had "loved" for her and her sons safety (ignoring that it was an arranged marriage between crime families and her hands are as bloody as any other gangster. It also ignores that she was abusive and imperfect too and makes her the perfect victim. The only accuracy was that she wanted Neil alive.

Coach Hernandez was contacted too but he refused to participate, though a bunch of other Millport teachers and former students/ teammates happily jump on board. Sadly some Palmetto staff and students do as well and other teams who've faced the Foxes do as well (not the Ravens [too risky] or the Trojans[to honorable])

The Foxes REFUSED to participate and they also REFUSED to watch this tripe and shut down anyone who tries to talk to them about it.

Also the only real accurate bit of the documentary is Neil's ordeal in Baltimore and its cause it's taken from his confession. Queue people gaping at Neil for the next few weeks knowing what the poor guy had to endure

[lily-s-world]

Headcanon that the Foxes had a bet at some point, regarding who was more obsessed with Exy: Neil or Kevin?

An after Baltimore when Neil confessed he was sure he was going to die if he didn't ran away, but stayed to be able to play Exy a few more months; a lot of Foxes where paying their debts in the background.

Kevin got the most money cause after seeing how self-destructive Neil was as long as he could continue playing, he realized he may had a normal obsession compared to him.

[exyconfessions]

Not to start drama because I know everyone thinks she's the "good one" out of the foxes, but I swear "Renee" is from my hometown and she was kind of known for hanging around with the wrongs types of people if you catch my drift. Renee isn't her real name and it's a widely known rumor that she actually killed a guy a long time ago. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I've never seen anyone talking about it soo.....

.

[joanofexys]

gimme the Jude lore

okay okay Jude Reyes lore incoming

little breakdown first:

26 years old

he/him, pansexual, cis

played for the Trojans for 5 years

graduated with a degree in sports journalism

has adhd and depression (in the rambling bit tw right now for mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts tying into this)

only child and still upset about it

does the most out of all my ocs to work with college players, spends a lot of his free time flying out to different colleges to work with coaches and teams cause he likes and he enjoys it (gets a lot of teasing about becoming a coach in the future)

knows english and spanish

and oh yeah he's a dealer who will play as an extra backliner if needed

blonde, 6'3, big brown eyes

got his ears pierced cause Mara said he'd chicken out

So yeah Jude graduated from USC at the age of 23 and he was recruited for olympic court when he was 25. He considers the Trojan's his family and still keeps in touch with all the upper classmen who he used to play with. He's very much taken the Trojan attitude into his professional career. He's known as a team player on the court and also a huge activist off the court. He's now involved in presenting the Day Spirit Award every year and he's incredibly proud to have been apart of the team consistently winning it. While Ilya falls into the Just Some Guy category, Jude really takes it up like 10 levels into Golden Child territory. He's the favored one for press duty and is most involved with his teams social media. He's usually the one to sit down for the little games or the ask me anything's or the interviews everyone else deems pointless.

tw for self harm and suicide mentions, you can skip to the next bolded line if you need to

Jude was diagnosed with depression when he was 19 after he came to Rhemann confessing that he had been self harming for a few months after the workload with his class got more difficult for him to manage and he started thinking about committing suicide. He was diagnosed with adhd a few years later when he was 22 and now he now manages both with a mixture of therapy and medication. He's not perfect and obviously that didn't get rid of his depression but he has always had a safe space to talk about it and to get the help he needs. He advocates a lot for mental health in general but especially where athletes where it tends to get ignored with all the pressure put on them and he brings that into all of his relationships with his teammates trying to create a safe space for them. He is a huge factor in actually getting Em, Mara, and Florian to see therapists and he's who Florian calls after his 5th attempt and takes him to the hospital.

okay heavy bit over

I need y'all to know that Jude popped into my head literally today. He was named like 3 hours ago. So this is all just kind of developing as I yap about him. He's big on team inclusion. Doesn't want anyone to feel left out. At first Ilya really butted heads with Mara and Florian cause they were Raven's and Jude was basically the one to get sick of that and tell them they needed to shut the fuck up and put on their get along t-shirt

He's generally pretty outgoing and he loves a good party. And by party he means hosting his team and having some food and drinks and visiting with every one. Though he does go a little crazy after a win and he will probably not get home till like 6 in the morning and then will sleep for a full 24 hours

He comes off as very loud and flirtatious to most people, most people will think he is flirting even when he isn't and he has accidentally agreed to multiple dates before realizing they were dates and having to awkwardly let people down. He doesn't really date much, not seriously, largely because of how involved he is with the media portion of his job. If he does end up dating (and I don't have anyone set up for him yet) it'd most likely be another exy player who is also super involved with the media and interacting with the press

and yeah that's a little bit about Jude

[chamyl]

What Aziraphale says / what Crowley hears

An analysis of that scene from Good Omens 2. Because the amount of times Aziraphale says one thing when he means another is astounding, as is how perfectly he and Crowley misunderstand each other.

Obviously, SPOILERS all over the place.

Let’s pick it up from the chat with the Metatron. He’s talking about his big projects, blah blah blah, and how he needs someone to run them and Aziraphale's the perfect angel for the job, and Aziraphale's first reply is:

 A: "I don't want to go back to Heaven. Where would I get my coffee?"

Meaning: I'm not ready to give up what I can have here on Earth, i.e. Crowley. Metatron, unlike Crowley, hears perfectly well what Aziraphale means, not what he says, because he replies offering him to bring Crowley along.

 Flashback ends, we switch back to the bookshop.

C: "He said what?"

Crowley is immediately offended at the mere suggestion. Heaven sucks and he's learned he's lesson, he's never going back.

Aziraphale doesn't notice the anger in his voice, too caught up in his dream of ruling Heaven with Crowley by his side and doing all the good he can for humanity. After having to sit by and watch awful things happen to good people for 6000 years, this is his Ultimate Dream��. He can change things AND he gets to keep Crowley.

(Of course we know Heaven's not going to give him so much freedom, but he wants this so much it makes him oblivious to the possibility he's being fooled.)

 A: "Everything like the old times! Only, even nicer."

Meaning: we can be safe, no Book of Life or other punishments hanging over our heads, and I can make Heaven, finally, what it was always supposed to be: a good place. A good place for you, Crowley, too.

 C: "Right. And you told him just where he could stick it, then?"

Crowley's too angry to tackle this gently. We watch Aziraphale's face fall.

 A: "Not at all."

 C: "Oh we're better than that, you're better than that, Angel!"

Meaning: how could you possibly believe this bullshit? After all that we've been through?

 C: "You don't need them. I certainly don't need them! Look, they asked me back to Hell I said I'm not gonna be joining their team. Neither should you."

For Crowley, Heaven and Hell are the same thing, just a different colour. He can't understand why Aziraphale wouldn't say no immediately.

 A: "But... well, obviously you said no to Hell, you're the bad guys."

Meaning: Hell was never supposed to be a good place. It was always supposed to be a group of demons making the humans' lives harder. How would you make the world better by working with hell? Of course you said no.

 A: "But Heaven... well it's the side of truth, of light, of good."

 C: "When Heaven ends life here on Earth, it'll be just as dead as if Hell ended it. Tell me you said no."

Here they move away from the actual problem, which is Aziraphale's delusional thoughts in regards to the potential for change in Heaven, to talk about the two of them instead.

He already knows Aziraphale didn't say no. He's asking him to change his mind and stay on Earth, which he will continue to do throughout the rest of this exchange.

 C: "Tell me you said no."

Again, tell me you'll change your mind. Tell me you'll stay here, with me.

 A: "If I'm in charge, I can make a difference."

 This is where it sinks in for Crowley that he's really about to lose Aziraphale. He panics and throws out his confession.

C: "Oh, God[1]. Right, okay. Right. I didn't get a chance to say what I was going to say I think I better say it now. Right, okay, yes, so... We've known each other a long time."

 Aziraphale is totally confused and has no idea where this conversation is going.

 C: "We've been on this planet for a long time. I mean, you and me. I could always rely on you. You could always rely on me. We're a team. A group. A group of the two of us."

 Now Aziraphale realises what's happening. At the worst possible time, Crowley is bringing up all the things they haven't talked about openly in 6000 years.

 C: "And we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't. I mean, the last few years, not really. And I would like to spend--"

[gif source]

Crowley swallows it back because he can't bring himself to say 'I would like to spend the rest of our existence together'. It's too much, it’s too big.

 C: "I mean, if Gabriel and Beelzebub can do it, go off together, then we can."

And there it is, clear as day, the confession. Gabriel and Beelzebub weren't friends, they very clearly had a romantic relationship, and Aziraphale looks absolutely SHOCKED by how explicit Crowley is being.

 C: "Just the two of us. We don't need Heaven, we don't need Hell. They're toxic."

Aziraphale shakes his head. He can't accept that Crowley would put Heaven and Hell on the same level.

 C: "We need to get away from them, just be an us. You and me, what do you say?"

Just like before Aziraphale wasn’t registering Crowley's anger, now Crowley doesn't pick up on Aziraphale's headshake, his shocked expression. He asks him what he thinks.

 A: "Come with me... to Heaven. I'll run it, you can be my second in command. We can make a difference."

This is so painful because they both want the same thing. To be together. But Aziraphale can't ignore the fact that he's just been given the chance to do so much good for everyone, and keeps pressing his point.

 C: "You can't leave this bookshop."

[gif source]

Crowley's not talking about the bookshop. He's brought up leaving for Alpha Centaury just a little while ago, a dream he still clings to. What he means is, you can't leave a place where you're safe and independent.

This is not what Aziraphale hears. He thinks Crowley is talking, literally, about the bookshop. That's why he says...

  A: "Oh, Crowley. Nothing lasts forever."

[gif source]

Meaning: I'm willing to sacrifice the bookshop to work towards the Greater Good. Even though it pains me.

What Crowley hears: it’s our relationship that was never meant to last forever. All things end, we're breaking up. And in fact his reaction is to put his sunglasses back on, defences back up, and say:

 C: "No. I don't suppose it does."

 Aziraphale misses the walls coming back up and smiles for a split second, thinking Crowley is agreeing with him. So he's shocked when Crowley says...

 C: "Good luck."

And starts to leave.

 A: "Good luck?! Cro--Crowley! Crowley come back! To Heaven! Work with me! We can be together! Angels... doing good!"

Aziraphale breaks down completely now. His dream is crumbling, not only Crowley won't join him, but Crowley is abandoning him altogether.

 A: "I... I need you!"

He cries out, desperately. Then he gets angry.

 A: "I don't think you understand what I'm offering you."

Safety. A chance to be together, out in the open. A chance to do good, save the world from a second Apocalypse. Full status as angel restored. He can't understand why in the world Crowley wouldn't want these things? They can fix Heaven together!

 C: "I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do."

Crowley knows Heaven is only going to exploit and manipulate Aziraphale. But he doesn't insist, it's not what he does. In all their fights, Crowley's always been the one to run away in the face of conflict, and he's by the door, ready to go.

 A: "Well... then there's nothing more to say."

Meaning: Are you really going to leave me?

 C: "Listen. Do you hear that?"

 A: "I don't hear anything."

 C: "That's the point. No nightingales."

Possibly because this is their own coded language, this is the one time what Crowley means and what Aziraphale hears line up. That the relationship between them is coming to an end. There are no nightingales like the ones in Berkeley square, singing for them after their post-Apocalypse date.

 But then it's Crowley's turn to break down. He wasn't fast enough running out of the bookshop, his emotions caught up with him. He’s thinking about that lunch at the Ritz and the nightingales. And after what Maggie and Nina told him, what he himself has learned about love, he makes a last desperate attempt at fixing things.

 C: "You idiot. We could have been... us."

He grabs Aziraphale, forcefully kissing him. Aziraphale is shocked, doesn't know what to do with his hands, first he flails then he puts a hand on Crowley's back, as if about to relax, but then starts flailing again as he remembers he can't do this: he has to go to Heaven. Work for the Greater Good. He can't return the kiss.

[gif source]

He's basically sobbing when Crowley lets him go. Full-blown panic now, while Crowley watches him expectantly, hoping his last-resort strategy had some effect on his angel.

 But Aziraphale stutters and reaches for something to steady himself, some barrier to put up again between the two of them. Crowley is a demon, he's an angel. Crowley grabbed him and kissed him without asking first, Aziraphale is going to forgive him. There. Big red line between them.

 A: “I… I forgive you.”

[gif source]

He seems to regret it the moment the words have left his mouth. But it's too late. Crowley knows that the kiss didn't work, that there's nothing left to do now.

 C: "Don't bother."

[gif source]

And he leaves. Almost runs.

 Aziraphale is shaking all over. He presses his fingers to his mouth pretty hard, trying to replicate the feeling to process what just happened.

[gif source]

The Metatron was of course right outside, looking in, probably saw the whole thing going down. He takes advantage of the moment where Aziraphale is at his most vulnerable to press him to go, downplays their fight ("Always wanted to go his own way") makes disparaging comments about Crowley ("Damn fool questions too"), knocks down Aziraphale's excuses by entrusting the bookshop to Muriel.

 Aziraphale is torn, but after all, what else can he do? In his mind, Crowley abandoned him when he'd finally found somewhere safe for them to be together. And Aziraphale spit out that horrible 'I forgive you'. Even if he stayed now, he'd be all alone. And in Heaven, he gets a chance to do Good with a capital G.

 The Metatron tells him about very important plans to 'wrap things up'. Aziraphale looks back at Crowley, who’s standing by the Bentley, watching him.

But the Second Coming bomb the Metatron just dropped solidifies Aziraphale’s choice. Now more than ever he has to go up and do all he can. He steps into the elevator.

Crowley, completely alone now, looks at Nina and Maggie, each in their own shop, not together.

 And then both Aziraphale and Crowley do what they always do to deal with difficulties: Crowley drives away, probably to nowhere, just letting the car go, and Aziraphale swallows everything down and tries to put back on his polite, calm, jovial mask. He'll be damned if he'll not try his hardest to be the perfect angel for this job. He’s sacrificed too much.

[gif source]

[1] I don’t know that it’s a good idea to call on her right now, C.

[daz4i]

dazai is shameless (more accurately i think he's desensitized to the feeling of shame when he's ashamed of his own exis- actually that's a topic for another time) which is why he has no problem saying all this embarrassing shit to chuuya. "our hearts reached out to each other" is more embarrassing to us as readers than it is for him as a person. that's the guy who confessed his love to a dude he met the day before

SO in order to fluster him chuuya needs to just be nice to him. thank him compliment him be genuine smile and be kind and gentle. ik wan isn't considered canon but i sincerely believe anything that's like. character based (as in, not the actual stories, but the personalities and behaviors of everyone) is. and this is p mucc explicitly shown there, more than once even. that's his weakness 👍 that's how you can take him down. join me 🤝 i can show you beautiful things

[andrewmsaidso]

a confession no one asked for: i thought this fandom was insane for actually thinking andrew ended up going pro

i first read aftg in my first year of high school during covid and idk why but i was so focused on neil that it was like i had no space in my brain to care about any of the other characters. like i couldn’t have cared less abt the whole twinyards storyline.

to put into perspective how one-track minded and focused on neil i was, i only realised dan and matt were dating when reading tkm 😔

but back to andrew going pro. i got all my information abt what happened after tkm from the foxhole wiki page so when i saw that his major was criminal justice i just automatically assumed he went on to be some fbi agent or something. which made sense to me bc he has a history with law enforcement yk? and i thought he was sooooo disinterested in exy like why would he of ppl want to go pro??? i didn’t even realise he was good good until my 3rd read. like i only cared abt neil.

…wth was my problem? 😭

[simonsrosebud]

kevaaron cause why not

kevneil (both are acespec )

Matt/Nicky (I stan bi matt) Erik and Nicky are still friends but we're previously in a relationship, Erik has moved on (maybe nickys first love??)

andrew/Roland pre -series (theyre like a year apart cause I'm not sure how old Roland is but I've always thought of him to be a gay middle-aged man, but Andrew would be like underage and that's a nono)

Kandrew (acespec kevin?? Maybe on the demisexual spectrum??)

Renee/Allison/Dan or some variant/combination in the same au as Matt/Nicky

Jean/Neil , demisexual spec Neil

Kevin/Jeremy cause they were never given a chance and KEVIN I KNOW THERE'S GAY IN YOU demispec kev

Choose whichever pairing that inspires you most but PLEASE tag me in the writing cause I need more aftg in my life <3

okay i may definitely tag u if i do others but for the first one i couldn't help but do jeremy and kevin I JUST LOVE THEM

The thing about Jeremy, Kevin supposes, is that he really thinks that he could’ve been a Raven if someone had been paying attention all the way in West Virginia.  He had the same talent and stats that other strikers did when joining the line, had more of a height advantage than Riko ever did.

Being a Raven would have broken his spirit.  Kevin doesn’t think he’d ever forgive himself for that, knowing that he probably would have contributed to it at some point.

But then he wouldn’t be this, free and spirited and so fearless in showing unabashed joy.  Here, sitting in Kevin’s car, babbling on about California and how Kevin really should visit him next time so that he can show him around.  “I’m glad the sun has finally reached you,” he’s saying, “You look good with a nice tan.”  And it’s taking too much out of Kevin to keep his eyes on the road.

Jeremy’s hotel is just off campus, but it’s not far, and Kevin does have time, so he leans against the hood of the car while Jeremy lifts himself up onto it because “the height difference isn’t fair”.  It's only three inches, Kevin doesn't dare point it out. And suddenly Kevin is reaching out to smooth his fingers through Jeremy’s hair, soft and smooth and golden in the setting sun.

“Maybe it’s all this hair weighing you down,” he says.

Jeremy smiles, wide and lopsided and lazy, and leans into his touch.  “Never.  The hair is part of my charm.”

Kevin settles his hand on the hood of the car, then, all long legs and tall torso leaning so casually, and he’s pretty sure Jeremy’s eyes linger on his arms for a second longer than normal.  It makes his chest fluttery, so he says, “That’s what I used to tell Jean.”

And oh, Jeremy lights up.  “Yeah?  He tells me it’s unbearable.”

“He’s an idiot.”  Why would anyone ever say that?  “I used to talk about you a lot… in the Nest.”  He doesn’t really know why he says it other than he and Jeremy won’t be in the same place forever and Neil told him to stop holding back just because he’s scared of getting a letter in the mail from Ichirou himself.  So long as you send them their money and stay out of jail, your free time is your own.

With the way Jeremy preens at his confession, he thinks it’s the right call, anyway.  He taps Kevin’s closest finger with his pinky.  “What, about exy?”

“No.”

Surprise.  “Oh.”  Jeremy’s skin is honey gold and bronzed from the constant California sun, but Kevin’s never seen him sunburned.  The tinge of pink on his cheeks may be as close as he’ll get.  “Can I tell you something embarrassing?”

Oh no.  Kevin steels the lead in his stomach.  “Sure, anything.”  He can feel it coming, the inevitable, I feel flattered, you know, but I just don’t-

“I used to have a poster of you in my bedroom at home.” 

God, this was even worse.

“But I took it down once my older brother caught me kissing it goodnight before bed.”

Oh…?

Kevin opens his mouth, but doesn’t know what to say.  Instead, a smirk starts taking over his lips.  “You had… You used to kiss me?  Every night?”

Jeremy’s blush has traveled the length of his neck, but at least he laughs softly.  “Until I was, like, almost sixteen, yeah.”  Kevin taps his pinky finger back.  “Now I just do it in my head.”

Pause.

Kevin whips his head back up, shock surely coating his face.  “You what?”

And Jeremy’s face falls.  “I-I just mean- sorry, I didn’t- oh god, I just made this super,” he slides off the hood of the car, “awkward.  That’s not- I just meant that, like-“

Kevin grabs his hand when he gets too far.  Jeremy freezes, but doesn’t dare move.  Kevin works on his words, lets his mouth fish open while he tries forming them, and eventually says, “If I had a poster of you,” he frowns, “I’d, um…” he looks up at Jeremy, vulnerable and confused and maybe, possibly, the least bit hopeful.  “I’d kiss you goodnight, too.”

Grinning, now, Jeremy lets his hand fall further into Kevin’s, and gives it two squeezes.  “You can, you know,” he whispers.  He meets Kevin’s eyes slowly.  “If you want.”

Nothing could stop the jackhammering in Kevin’s chest, or the rushing of blood in his ears from how red his face probably is, but Jeremy’s voice comes through right as rain regardless.  He gives his hand a tug, pulling Jeremy closer, and steps towards him so that he has to look down at him.  Those three inches are going to kill him.

But Kevin must be taking too long, because then Jeremy’s hand is sliding up the side of his neck and pulling him down, and Kevin’s hands go flying to his sides, falling into the dip of his waist and wishing they could run up along his skin.  Jeremy sighs a bit into his mouth and drags his tongue along Kevin’s bottom lip, and then Kevin is pulling him closer until their chests are flush and his hands can slide underneath the thin t-shirt, hand splaying on Jeremy’s lower back and wanting to curl itself into the skin there.

Jeremy’s tongue is warm and slick and Kevin tries not to be embarrassed when he moans lightly into his mouth.  It makes Jeremy smile against his mouth, which really is Kevin’s own fault because he did not want this kiss to end.  Jeremy tucks back in for one more kiss, shorter but sweeter, his fingers gently scratching at Kevin’s scalp, and searches Kevin’s face from only inches apart when Kevin subtly tilts his head into his hand.

“I kinda had one more embarrassing thing,” Jeremy pants a little, a warm smile poking through, and god, everything about him is warm and sweet, so so sweet.  His skin underneath his shirt is warm like a fresh batch of cookies; tongue like a melted marshmallow daring to fall apart in your mouth;  smile like a rainbow after a hot summer shower and disposition of one that reminds Kevin of his mother’s comfort, of Abby’s hugs and his father’s safety.

Jeremy himself is a son of Apollo, Kevin is sure of it.

But Kevin doesn’t trust his own voice, right now, so he just nods and hums in encouragement.  He holds Jeremy close more decidedly, taking advantage of the contact and flattening his palms along the bare skin of his back and waist below his shirt.  He thinks for a moment it sends shivers down Jeremy’s spine.

For this, though, Jeremy goes up on his tip toes and tilts Kevin’s head to grant him his ear.  He nips at it, first, sending a shiver down Kevin’s spine, and says, “You’ve been number one on my list since I was fourteen.”

“God.”  It’s not intentional, but Kevin doesn’t even care at this point.  He’s heard all about these lists from Nicky.  He knew what it meant.

Jeremy laughs, quiet and contained and goofy, and props his elbows on Kevin’s shoulders to shelter them in.  “Would you like to come up to my room?”

[swampthingking]

I saw your post about jeremy paying off jeans debt to moriyamas and im screaming

OBVIOUSLY jean would not want that because he feels like hes just being bought by another person (but a more healed jean might not. Depends on when it happens tbh)

And omfg,,,, yeah jeremy is probably very rich since he has a butler and a personel chef (which I find are VERY expensive in america for some reason. Especially such good ones) his family even has connections to congressmen. So to think he could probably pay off the mafia is a bit exaggerated, and it would take millions (jeremys entire bank account probably)

And its so,,,,, UGH can you Imagine how it would go. Neil would probably have to be present to help handle it (neil is officially jeans agent to handle mafia business imo)

Amd jeremy being free would also cause and existential crisis. What was jean going to do with his life was jean now jeremys puppet would jeremy still be nice to him now that he has control over jean what does he want to do now.

It also raises the question of what jean would think of exy now that he isnt obligated to play it.

(Sorry this is a lot lol)

this became so much longer than i anticipated BUT

do not apologize I LOVE THIS

ok so. jean would definitely not want jeremy to buy his freedom.

because…what is ‘freedom.’

i think the jean now, that we’ve met after tsc1, would be fucking pissed if jeremy bought his freedom. i think he would not feel…safe? around jeremy? because— now that he owns me, he can do anything he wants to me. i think that it would put such a rift in the precarious trust they’ve built. even at the end of tsc, jean tells jeremy “i trust you” and immediately thinks i have no choice but to. and then is like wweeeeelllll that doesn’t exactly feel true though. so i think jeremy doing that would be like a ‘what the fuck, was not expecting that’ moment.

but jeremy. jeremy. we have seen that if he has the means to do something, he will do it. let me push away my familial issues and answer lucas’s call. do you feel safe with your brother? he would have picked lucas up. he would have found somewhere else for lucas to stay. i will focus on others’ problems so i do not have to face my own. i will be your partner. i will buy two twin beds and move into your room.

so, sorry, to backtrack: i think jean will eventually tell jeremy the full truth. i think jean won’t be able to stop himself, same with his other confessions—i didn’t ask. they didn’t know. jeremy asks the right questions with so much care that jean’s mouth starts moving before he thinks through what he’s supposed to say. jean subconsciously feeling safe enough to speak freely around jeremy, cat, and laila is a WHOLE other thing but i digress

and jeremy will go into “fix-it” mode. will call kevin with the idea. and kevin will be like “do not fucking do that” and i think neil will somehow get involved (especially if jeremy went through with it anyway. neil will go just to make sure jeremy does not, y’know, get fucking killed. also? how do you contact the mafia?). jean will also tell jeremy “do not fucking do that.” 1, because. this is the. this is the fucking mafia. they could absolutely kill you. they could say, “aaaah. yeah, you can buy jean’s freedom, but [insert damning terms that indebt you to us.]” and you can’t just…deny the mafia. it’s a suicide mission. and 2 because…jean doesn’t think he deserves it. he’ll think he’s not worthy of it. i don’t think he would be able to fathom the word ‘freedom.’ i think he would think of it, exactly like you said, as being bought. passed from one owner to the other.

and, if jeremy did it, he would reassure him. would be like “no you can make your own decisions. you can do what you want. you can change your major. you can play exy for fun or go pro by choice.”

and jean, i think, would just crumble. he obviously doesn’t like being owned (who does) but that’s all he’s had for 5 years. that’s all he has survived by. i am jean moreau. i belong to the moriyamas. imagine the mantra that has kept him alive for 5 years just…not being true anymore. he would be going from who am i without the ravens? to who am i without the moriyamas? like you said, what a fucking existential crisis.

i genuinely think it would fuck up their dynamic. i think jean would feel like he owes jeremy something. and jeremy would tell him he doesn’t. but i don’t think jeremy would quite…trust jean in a romantic sense. like, is he just initiating [romantic or sexual act] because he thinks he owes it to me? or even as a friendship, honestly. is he just agreeing to [friend activity] because he thinks he has no choice but to listen to me?

so jean wouldn’t be able to trust jeremy because he would feel owned, and that’s trauma baby. and jeremy wouldn’t be able to trust jean because he would feel like jean is, well, trauma responding. fawn, freeze. agree, acquiesce, repent.

so yeah it is grounds for LOTS of angst and … i’m having many thoughts.

maybe these thoughts would change after tsc2 comes out, but either way, i definitely do not see jean being particularly grateful or thankful. i see it as jean being like “you are a fucking idiot” and “why would you do that to yourself” and “why would you do that for me”

oh hey and imagine if they have the “what were you thinking, why would you do that” conversation and a love confession happens. and jeremy is like “bc i fucking??? love you??? [or something]” and like??? it would be so conflicting for them BOTH because jean [in the case that he does love jeremy back]: do i say i love you back. do i push him away for his own safety. but i don’t want to be ungrateful (and get punished), and jeremy: oh god. he’s going to think he needs to say it back. how will i know how he actually feels.

and i almost forgot about the money part of it ok—

yeah so i think the only way ichiru would accept jeremy’s deal was if they calculated how much a pro exy player’s salary and multiplied it by… let’s say a 10 year career? that would put jean at roughly 30ish when he retires? i think they would be like “ok, pay us for what we would have gotten for jean’s career.” (if they even entertained the thought).

dude i cannot even conceptualize how much money that would be. millions upon millions. and i guess jeremy could pay them in increments? but? idk. i did the math for like if jean made a million a year but my fucking brain. hurts. so i can’t get into that

but YEAH!!!

oh the angst. especially if jean said “there is no fucking way in hell you are doing that” and jeremy said “okay i won’t” and did it anyways …..

there’s also the thought that jeremy just…didn’t tell jean he had bought his freedom. if he just let jean live thinking he was cut loose. but then. the guilt jeremy would feel, keeping that information from him. jean has never been able to make his own decisions, and here he is, building a life for himself and not even knowing the real reason why he’s able to do so.

would they just be able to talk and move past it and rebuild that trust? would this be like some kind of fuckin shakespearean tragedy???

in this hc i just have to believe that they work past it and communicate because. holy shit this is messy