#She may also end up trying to live up to some unrealistic expectation that she needs to live up to tsv's legacy that may also consume her

[darkwater-reservoir]

Unpopular opinion: tucker's concern for nat about her filling in for tsv after his death is 100% valid and i kinda agree with him. If nat isn't careful the account and role of TSV may consume her

[bozers]

Random Mk character headcanons Pt.1 THE MENFOLK

Raiden

Sweaty. Sweats like a mf even when he isn't working. Has to wear undershirts to combat the waterfall coming off him.

Never struggled with anger issues until becoming a champion and getting the amulet.

Secretly a bit freaky. Is down for pretty much anything eye emoji

Reiko

Has a mild ED. Was worse when he was younger, but he's getting better about it. Used to hoard food. Struggles with body dysmorphia due to unrealistic expectations, comparing himself to Shao ( a completely different species...)

Allergic to cats.

Loves the ocean. Dreams of one day owning his own boat to take out sailing whenever he wants.

Kung Lao

Weirdly enough? Introvert. Raiden is one of very few people who doesn't deplete his social battery.

Struggles with bouts of depression. Self medicates with Marijuana.

He is incredibly secure in himself and none of his confidence is an act. That doesn't mean he can't get discouraged sometimes, but he won't try and hide disappointment behind false smiles.

MOAR BELOW vvvvv

Johnny Cage

Struggled with contamination OCD tendencies all his life and coped using substances. His lifestyle is in direct conflict with his illness and it acts like immersion therapy in a way.

Cancer runs in his family so he is vigilant about getting screened once a year.

Life in Hollywood almost crushed him into an apathetic cynic, but somehow, he has managed to stay hopeful if not a bit delusional at times. His hunger for recognition rivaled only by his boundless curiosity.

Smoke

He had a tongue ring for many years and wants to eventually get a tattoo but can't settle on a design.

Can "Slav Squat" and isn't shy about showing off to friends.

Struggles with unhealthy attachment styles.

Rain

Is actually an extrovert. He may think himself above others, but he still requires validation and gets sad if he doesn't get to talk to those close to him.

Iron deficient

If he had never been appointed as High Mage, he would have gone on to teach magic theory at the academy.

Geras

He may be immortal, but that doesn't mean he just sits in a room all day. Geras is endlessly curious, as this is a core part of his very being. Observing and learning new things is both his primary function and an endless font of joy.

He knows how lonely Liu Kang is. Knows that even he can't fill the void left in his masters heart. Time for him is just a function, whereas for Liu Kang, it is and endless road of isolation

Will search up humans in funny situations on the hourglass to watch. It's like his version of FAILARMY.

Liu Kang

Is and has been incredibly lonely for eons. He really thought he would fill the void after reuniting with his old friends, but the feeling isn't the same. They don't know him. Not really.

Once he found a way to connect to his Titan friends, he visits them often. Being able to talk with Lord Raiden again alleviated the strain on his heart tenfold. Reuniting with Kung Lao, (his boy, his bro!!) has also helped give him hope for the next few eons. Same goes for Kitana. (She was the one to find him again after the dust settled.)

His brother is alive in his timeline. Of course they have no relationship, Liu choosing not to intervene due to fears of drawing danger to him. Instead of becoming a shaolin monk, Chan lives happily in the united states as an Ice Road Trucker.

Shang Stung

Has BPD and narcissistic personality disorder. This severely impacted his ability to live peacefully in society and pushed him to grifting. Taking advantage of others was less exhausting than pretending to be a friendly employee to some shopkeeper.

He is half human. Shang's mother traveled to outworld during the last tournament 100 years ago. She was a servant to Liu Kang's champions but ended up running away with a disgraced Edenian.

Doesn't identify as a specific gender, especially after learning shapeshifting. Will often times swap between whatever he feels like that day.

Syzoth

Double jointed and hyper flexible. Shang Stung had to find a way to control him other than shackles, cuz he could always slip out no matter how tight they were.

He is very at ease around children, and falls back into dad mode immediately. Is also a purveyor of terrible dad jokes.

Has Gilberts Syndrome. His species use of bile/acid attacks puts a lot of strain on his liver. Due to his rough living, he didn't get adequate nutrition and now his body struggles to keep balanced out humors.

Only needs to eat once a week, but will happily snack if something tasty comes across his path.

Shao

Has no biological children. Despite his family's standing and pressure to continue the prestigious line, Shao has never taken a wife. Multiple concubines and bastards, but no wife or suitable heirs.

He doesn't view any of the young men and women he mentors as children, just tools. Even though he saw himself in young Reiko, his affection is entirely dependent on his loyalty. Reiko is more of an extension of himself, a way to overcompensate for what he lacks.

Has IBS.

Kuai Liang

He left the Lin Kuei a few years after Tomas was adopted. At odds with his father at the time, he left to go live with their allied clan: the Syrai Ryu. He was born a cryomancer like Bi Han, but chose to pursue pyromancy to distance himself from his lineage. Though able to wield fire, he is still weak to it. When he finally returned home, his father welcomes him back like the prodigal son he was. Bi han deeply, deeply resented this.

Got his tattoo in Hong Kong while he was totally plastered (not a reputable place. They even got the tattoo wrong lol)

Unreadable poker face. DO NOT play cards against this man.

Kenshi

Was forced to drop out of high school to support his family when his older brother was killed, and subsequently got wrapped up in yakuza shit. Has since taken his high school equivalency test (GED) and passed with flying colors

Is addicted to caffeine.

LOVES holidays! Especially Christmas. He may not get all his friends gifts, but the ones he does give are very well thought out and personal.

Bi Han

Doesn't take care of himself or maintain his appearance very well. But he basically won the genetic lottery so it's not that noticeable.

Has a type A personality and is a perfectionist. But he is actually a very gracious person at heart, and will silently shoulder the brunt of responsibility to spare his brothers.

Was happy to mentor Tomas when he first arrived, even though Kuai and Tomas had the stronger friendship. His attitude changed, however, when Tomas choose to stay after Kuai ran off. Instead of seeing the loyalty of Tomas's decision, he saw it as a shallow way to win his fathers favor.

(he couldn't see it was actually jealously. That Kuai could have a choice to leave but he didn't. Tomas had an actual valid reason to want to leave, but he is the one remaining? Bi Han has big feelings and does not process them well )

Quan Chi

Once he started losing his hair, he decided to go bald.

Much prefers to spend his time in the Netherrealm. His dominion there is near absolute, and he would much rather be in the company of those subservient to him. He doesn't see anything wrong with this dynamic, believing this the superior to mutual friendship. (this is laughably hypocritical given his relationship to Shang mf Tsung)

Indulges in all kinds of delicious foods. Sweets, fine drink, rare cuts of meat- the works. Even if he dislikes it, he will eat it anyway just for the sake of it. He made himself ill by eating an entire box of chocolate once.

Havik

Was born in secret to slave parents. They hid him from the government for as long as they could, and so he was able to live a relatively carefree childhood. Other's his age, and of unsanctioned birth, would be seized by the state and put to work as soon as possible.

Fierce passion aside, Havik is very introspective. When not fighting, he often sits in silent contemplation for hours at a time. Before his mind begins to degrade from the blood magic use, he would sit and scrutinize every action he took.

Unlike Quan Chi, Havik cannot bring himself to indulge in luxuries. He feels tremendous guilt given how many of his people are still unable to enjoy even the barest bit of comfort.

He leaves his dick and balls at home for safe keeping.

[most-sane-tsukasa-fan]

Knight!Tsukasa x Royalty!Reader Romantic Headcanons

CW: Idk OOC? GN!Reader

Tsukasa had joined being one of the knights for reasons that may be personal... although catching feelings for the royal highness was certainly not one of them.

He wanted to become a soldier to protect his own little sister. Some incident happened when two men broke into their manor and intended to harm his family, almost losing Saki in the process.

From that day onward, he vowed the same wouldn't happen. He worked hard for his position, taking special fencing training and combat training before he even passed to be promoted as an official knight.

Being a knight wasn't even his plan, he just wanted to protect his sister, but as he got older he realized he wanted to protect the kingdom too.

Of course, being one of the youngest knights and still on the weaker side, he feels a bit inferior, though people around him seem to respect his abilities for his age, even catching the attention of one royal family member.

The royal [Name] took a liking to him, being the same age and having not much people to be around with, [Name] often finds themself hanging around Tsukasa often, thus making the knight feel appreciated but also a bit... odd.

Tsukasa was a lonely kid, sure he has a sister, although she spent her life being locked in her room and even stuck in the infirmary for having a fragile body.

He had some acquaintances too but they aren't so close to him. The closest he got to someone is Toya although he lives pretty far and he has to ride a carriage for 2 days to reach Tsukasa.

With the royal's attention on him, he felt like it's the greatest compliment. Even other knights noticed him like Akito, Mizuki, and so on because they could always see the two, no matter what time of the day it is, it's like they're attached by the hip.

Tsukasa didn't even notice how fixated he is with them, unconsciously trying to seem cooler and act all heroic or flamboyant with them with the simplest things such as fetching them water and picking them up bridal style, refusing to let them walk if the streets are wet because it'll dirty them he says.

He'd be dashing to tend to them even if he's in the middle of training and he would go on for months without noticing he's trying so hard to please [Name] until Akito points it out.

He couldn't help but get flustered looking back to the signs he gave... but his heart felt heavy.

Realizing this feeling and how complicated it would be, he understands his desires are unrealistic.

They're royalty, of course they're bound to be betrothed to someone royal as well, not some knight that works for them, that would be like marrying your own boss.

For a while he pushed down this feeling, he noticably became more distant... although it seems that no matter what he does, he always finds himself passing by them and looking for them.

It's really weighing on him, it's even worse when they actually get arranged to be married with another heir from another kingdom... although that's an 'if' situation

Other knights finds Tsukasa spacing out and whenever they point it out he just goes back to he boisterous nature as if trying to act natural.

The thought filling his mind occasionally got him messing up on his trainings, so he figured maybe some weight will be lifted off his shoulders if he just... tells them casually.

And so he asked [Name] to meet him at their usual spot for a quick word before he'll go back to his training, figuring now is the best time while they're still not occupied.

He took a deep breath, feeling his usual confidence faltering a bit as he really did try to be casual with his confession, although it only end up with him pouring his heart out like it's a poetry, stammering over his words just a little as his eyes kept darting around the place.

"Your high- [Name]... I know this might not be something you're expecting to hear or even want to hear but it has been keeping me up several nights now. I... like you... as in 'like-like' you... I hate to say it but this is immature on my end knowing that the two of us wouldn't work. But it feels heavy to not tell you that I desire you, I desire to be around you that even death couldn't do us part. But it seems the world has different plans for the both of us and this burden of a thought is running through my head endlessly. I don't expect you to reciprocate or respond-"

He was cut off by [Name] as they placed a finger over his lips before speaking themself

"I feel the same"

Tsukasa felt absolutely over the moon hearing that, he couldn't suppress the smile growing on his face, his eyes lit up like stars in the sky.

As happy as he is, there's one problem; getting in a relationship with them.

Now that it isn't unknown the two of them feel the same for each other, of course the two would want to date.

But also of course, they can't date that easily or else they would get in a scandal.

Tsukasa and [Name] would at least keep it a secret, and thank goodness because Tsukasa has a talent for acting, he could just act like the usual without even mentioning a thing.

This 'secret' would be kept for a long run with them passing subtle loving glances at each other and on nights they meet up in [Name]'s room when no one is around to spot Tsukasa walking in.

Tsukasa would be the sweetest knight boyfriend, of course his love language being words of affirmation and quality time, you'd expect him declaring his love for [Name] like it's his wedding vow whenever they're alone as the two held each other.

What the two of them wouldn't notice though is that they are also somewhat obvious even in public places.

Either two of you flustering the other, saying subtle flirty jokes or cheesy pick-up lines, and what's the most obvious is that there is now barely a moment where others in the palace could catch you two not being together other then when Tsukasa has to come home back to his family on his day off.

What you so call 'secret' is actually quite noticable to almost everyone who got half a brain that you two have an interest for each other

But, all in all, Tsukasa is happy is ended up like this. Don't get me wrong, he's also worried, but he can't help the ecstasy he feels knowing he has you and you have him. He really is your loving knight.

"I'm sorry... I don't feel the same" (alternate ending)

Tsukasa could feel his heart sink, that same sinking feeling he felt when he still carries the burdening thought... somehow it only felt heavier rather than lifting a weight off his shoulders.

It felt horrible, like something important was ripped from him and he can't get it back.

He could only nod before walking off... of course he knows he'd later regret it for walking out on them, but he just want to get out of there before it hurts even more just by looking at their eyes.

After this he's... pretty much the same, at least that's what everyone thinks

He has put up this loud persona for so long, it just felt natural for him to cover up what he truly feels by using it over and over until he'll be exhausted.

He finds himself now avoiding [Name], seeking company from just the trees when he goes on walks now alone and not with you, occasionally with Akito when the two of them are at their day off.

He doesn't talk to anyone about it, although people did notice something different like Rui, he's a pretty intuitive man but Tsukasa somehow managed to dodge all questions.

Of course he won't let something like this ruin his whole self, he still has more things to focus on like his duties, and this awkward event certainly doesn't mean he doesn't talk to [Name] anymore.

He talks to them, just not as much anymore... he acts like everything is the same when really, a lot has changed.

He'll learned to move on pretty quickly and got back up on his feet, even if sometimes he still sees them in his dreams, even his imaginations.

No worries, he doesn't feel any resentment or negatively. After all, it was the response he expected... he just wasn't expecting it would hit him that painfully.

[none-shall-caricature-me]

Goody - two - shoes discourse has reached the VTSOM fandom. Ugh.

Just finished Vincent : The Secret of Myers, SPOILERS and opinions on its fan discourse below -  ISTG if another person says ‘Vincent should've seen that bad end coming because he was going TOO much down a dark, vengeful, murderous path and EMOTIONALLY - DRIVEN REVENGE BAD 11!!!’ I’ll go berserk. Bruh, ALL THE CHARACTERS in this game are morally grey (less so for Draco, it seems). Vincent is brutally murdering the core members, and people’s issue with that is that he’s apparently also killing those sidepiece employees who were very selfish but not fully evil, just like he used to be. Now, regardless of whether or not he’s killing the less shady workers too (I personally think it’s not clarified so far, though sparing other pawns like him would make his revenge ethically sound), get out of your asses for once and see how convincing ‘BUT I WOULD NEVER SINK SO LOW IF I WERE HIM, I’D STEW IN MISERY OVER MY TORTURE LIKE A GOOD VICTIM INSTEAD OF GOING ON A BLOODY RAMPAGE TO TAKE BACK SOME SEMBLANCE OF CONTROL OVER MY SHITTY LIFE’ sounds.

 Dude, first of all, once you’re self - centred and socially desperate enough join a cutthroat MNC as their top dirty - dealing lawyer -- and then get fucked over horribly despite reluctantly licking the company’s boots -- you’re also self - centered enough to seek vengeance at all costs. And barring the whole corrupt lawyer thing, being self - centered isn’t necessarily bad. An ordinary person wouldn’t have the means to take on Myer Corp. and that’s why most ‘normal’ folks would just give up on revenge, willingly (if they’re of the insane ‘I will suffer in silence and simply expect to get over the horrible destruction of my self like a good girl’ variety) or unwillingly. But Vincent has the genius, the insider info and the wealth to fuck over Myer Corp.’s experimenters - SO WHY WOULDN’T HE ? 

Yes, his ostensible targeting of a probably memory - wiped Vanora is not at all a good move - in fact it was mostly quite dumb and could’ve been averted since altering memories can definitely change a person’s goals, loyalties, personality and philosophy (Vanora at the game’s start, before Vincent intentionally reminded her of her past, was harmless). But Myer Corp sent her to kill him, and maybe he was paranoid that she could be a sleeper agent, BUT most importantly his terrible experiences have understandably fucked him up psychologically and he’s NOT thinking straight at all. Therefore Vanora and those he killed may be brainwashed company pawns just like him, following callous orders for self - preservation or profit, but it’s hardly easy to empathise with that when you’re stewing in your own hell. That’s something smoothly said but rarely done, and very few of you morality hecklers would be saintly enough to pull it off if you were in his place. 

Do you seriously think that ANYBODY is such a dumb baby lamb that they’ll simply get over their life being ruined, having to eat humans to live, suffering long agony; perk up, fix a smile on their face, and try to live out the rest of their life like they’re fucking Jesus Christ a - okay with being crucified ? No, and whether they were a bad enough person to be called hypocritical for their obsession (like Vincent probably is) DOESN’T MATTER. Because the alternative is fucking unrealistic and oppressive (like Madoka Magica’s bird - brained ‘happier ending’ where the puella magi swallow their pain and straight up have to die so that their pain won’t make them lash out in the only way they can). 

Point is, Vincent’s mad fixation on gorily wiping out Myers IS, as far as we know, NOT good, yes. But given his realistically morally grey personality, his trauma and his circumstances, it makes sense. Similarly, his attempt to kill Vanora after HIMSELF ensuring she’d remember her past and calling her loyal to Myers at heart was SUPER DUMB and horrible - but it makes sense given the above. The world is full of Vincent Edgeworth, Self - Preserving Ex - Corrupt Lawyers. Unconditionally loving, naive, selfless Dracos are rare. 

And tbh, I personally find a fucked - up Vincent very interesting, realistic and poignant. I don’t care that he’s problematic because he’s super well - written.

[stardusthuntress]

EnigmaTech - Ch. 4

My Tech Lives AU! (see prior chapters for summary)

Chapter 4 - A New Perspective

Tech x female!reader (pronouns only)

Word count: ~8.3k 

Chapter Summary: Picking up right where we left off, the lost 3 and the regs now freed from that creep, Hemlock, are in need of a chance to heal. And, as Tech would say, the human body is fascinating, and especially puzzling when driven by the emotion center instead of the logic center.

Also, Tech may or may not end up shirtless at one point! Kinda needs a warning of it's own, hehe! <3 I recommend referring to the following fan art pieces by @amorfista (here and here) and @lightspringrain (1; 2; 3) and @bruh-myguy-what (here) and so many more, but these were the ones that have been on my mind lately!!! <3 love you guys!!!

TW: mentions of Tech's injuries again. I'm not a fan of the way shows show a character getting injured and then in the next episode they're fine. It's just so unrealistic. So, Tech is gonna be recovering for another chapter or two beyond this. It won't be gruesome tho. No descriptions of grossness. Just mentions of where Tech's mods are.

A/N: I am not a medic, nor do I know a damn thing about medical treatment! Nothing gross. Nothing angsty. A touch of jealosy, but that's it. Tech figuring out what the fuck it means to flirt. Reader's callsign still used intermittently.

It's been so long since I've added to this story! I've been so busy. Lift took a turn I did not expect, but I think it's actually gonna be a good change! Just needed some time to figure out what to do with the curveball. I've had most of this chapter pretty much ready to go for a while tho, so it's time to release this to the world! Doing my best to getting back into writing these, I miss writing so much!

Tech dividers: @/djarrex

“Tech, let’s give those meds a few more minutes under observation to bring your system back to a somewhat normal level before we do anything else, just to make sure you’re stable. Okay?” Spitfire checks in with her patient. 

“Yes. That is an excellent idea. I will inform you if I perceive any changes in my current state of being. Perhaps it will provide adequate time for my brothers to receive medical attention as well?” 

“Certainly,” she nods, beckoning Wrecker over. “Wreck, the left shoulder?!? Again???!!! Your poor left shoulder, Big Guy! That’s at least the third time you’ve taken a hit to your left shoulder since the Empire became a thing!” 

“Tech told me once that it’s better that it’s my left rather than my right because I’m right handed.” Wrecker’s voice is quiet. 

Spitfire sighs, “He’s correct there, but either way, less hits to any of you at all would be ideal. Let’s get you patched up, Big Guy.” 

“Awwww, no I hate medical stuff. Do we have to?” 

“Yes, we want it to heal. It will be over before you know it. Tech and Crosshair are getting patched up too. I won’t do anything that might hurt if I don’t have to, I promise.” She pats his arm, trying to reassure the large man with touch as well as words. 

Tech didn’t remember seeing Wrecker take a hit to his shoulder, but he’s glad someone noticed. 

She has finally managed to sit Wrecker down and has started rummaging through the med pack Echo got out to use on Tech and Cross. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Wrecker fretting. 

“You remind me of another trooper I once worked with, Big Guy,” she starts, “I was working with the 104th at the time. The man’s name was Numbskull.” 

“Hah! how’d he get a name like that?” Wrecker asks. The room is quiet, all the men listening to her voice in an attempt to keep their minds off of the horrors they found within the walls of Hemlock’s facility. 

“By doing the same thing you do, Goofball! He took so many hits to his shoulder that he eventually lost all the feeling in his arm.” 

“His whole arm?” Wrecker seems stuck somewhere between amusement and worry. 

“Mmhmm. After enough hits to the pressure points and the spaces between the gaps in his armour, he said all he felt was a tingling in the back of his skull when the doc tried the good old pinch test.” 

“Where you pinch his arm to see if he can still feel it?” Once Wrecker started trying to think his way through the story, his worry began to fade.

“Exactly, all he felt was a little tingle in the base of his skull. And then eventually he lost all the feeling in his arm completely. But he could still use the arm like normal, he just couldn’t feel it.” 

“That doesn’t sound so bad. I’d rather not feel any pain.” Wrecker’s shoulders relax. 

Tech and Echo laughed, exchanging glances beside her, as she continued her work on Wrecker. The idea isn’t so bad to them either, a numb Wrecker would certainly be a lot easier to deal with during medical exams, thats for sure. 

She smiled. Her story was working, distracting and calming not just Wrecker, but all the boys, while she patched them up, but she was only getting started. 

“There was this one day where Numbskull was fighting a battle down a seppie hallway. The boys had managed to take out the main power generator, so the whole base was running on backup power. Now, this base was enormous! Definitely ended up a lot bigger than the Seppies intended it to be. So much so, that the entire base was really struggling to function on backup power. Doors would only half open and then get stuck, and blast doors could easily be pried back open without much effort. Battle was going surprisingly well. Turned out they were trying to empty the base anyway, probably because it got too big and was only good as a diversion anymore, so it was just a skeleton crew there. And Numbskull’s squad was one of the ones assigned to work their way through the hallways and clear out any droids they found.” 

She pauses to glance around the room at their faces to see if they want to hear the story before continuing, “Just his luck, Numbskull managed to find a room chock full of fully functional B1’s. Now, Numbskull liked to wield 2 blasters, one in each hand, like Tech over here.” 

Tech smiles, surprised she was aware since he had clearly not been doing that during today’s escape. 

“Numbskull’s preferred tactic was to plant himself in the middle of the driods and extend his arms in a T-pose so he could take down droids on either side at the same time, or so he claimed.” She demonstrated with her body: holding a pretend blaster in each hand, one outstretched on either side of her, pointing 180 degrees away from each other. “He thought that was the most fun way to take the droids down. After a while it kinda became his signature move.” 

By this point, all the men are engaged in the story, various expressions of amusement on their faces and in their stance and posture, not paying much attention to the medical checkups she and Echo were conducting. Even Omega was listening from Hunter’s lap, and Hunter seemed relieved that she was so entrenched in the story and was getting a little of her mojo back. She’d grown rather quiet since their return to the ship. Meanwhile Hunter conducted a discrete medical scan of his little girl with one hand while the other comfortingly petted her hair. 

“I was working with the Commander in the control room when the call came in. Numbskull’s squad had managed to draw the B1’s into the hallway, and Numbskull planted himself right in the middle of all the droids and pulled his signature move,” She’s laughing a bit as she tells the story. “The men were laughing so hard they could barely call it in. Turns out, Numbskull hadn’t noticed the blast doors closing, he’d been so focused on one blaster, he forgot to look back over his other shoulder at his numb arm too. You know how the blast doors close in a spiral so the last spot to close up is right in the center? Well, by the time he remembered to look at his other hand, his numb hand, his arm was stuck. The blast doors had closed around his wrist. It was a good thing the whole base was only functioning on low power, or it would have just taken his whole hand clean off and he wouldn’t have noticed a thing. In the end, he was fine, just some minor bruising. That was the day his squad knew they’d picked the right name for him.” 

Wrecker howled with laughter, and the rest of the room wasn’t far behind. 

“You should have seen the Commander’s face when the squad finally stopped laughing enough to tell him what had happened and that Numbskull was stuck and in need of an extraction.” 

Echo paused, halfway through a procedure for Crosshair, earning a glare from his patient as he turned towards the woman, “Wait, did you say you were working with the 104th?” 

“Yup!” She confirmed. 

“That was the Wolffepack?!” Echo’s disbelief echoes in the small room. 

“Yup!” she was laughing too. “So you know how Wolffe never smiles, and definitely never laughs?” 

“Yeah…?” Echo’s disbelief has turned to skepticism, but it’s quickly fading, she knows too much about Wolffe for this to be completely made up. 

“That was the closest that man has ever come to a laugh that I have ever witnessed. He could not believe the dumb shit his men had gotten into. He just stood there looking pained and staring into a corner for a second (though I think he was focusing all his effort on not laughing), before snorting in annoyance (or laugh that broke through his composure) and leaving the room. He told us later he had to ‘borrow Master Plo’s saber to get Numbskull out’. The control room was still on a holo-call with them when the second bout of uncontrollable laughter that came through the comms a few minutes later turned out to be the squad’s reaction to the way Wolffe just walked in and stood there, glaring at Numbskull’s arm for a solid minute, muttering something about ‘my circus, my monkeys’ and ‘definitely my idiots’ before he ignited the saber and took the doors outta commission.” 

Wrecker laughed again, loud and proud, and clearly relaxed. 

“All done, Big Guy!” she patted Wrecker’s uninjured shoulder, and he got up and walked to the cockpit. Omega jumped up and went with him, Hunter’s favorite soft blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders.  

Tech looked around the room. Spitfire had clearly done that to relax more than just Wrecker. His whole family (Omega was right) had clearly enjoyed the story. 

Echo declared Crosshair done, and he stood to leave the room. He’d been so tortured, he wasn’t exactly up for walking on his own yet, and she let him put a hand on her shoulder for balance. She discretely helped him up and passed him off to Hunter who was standing at the ready for him. But before Crosshair let go of her shoulder, he gave it a quick squeeze of thanks, and a barely noticeable nod. He too had appreciated the distraction. 

Echo joins her as they begin a scan of Tech’s injuries. 

Still laughing softly to himself Echo shook his head in disbelief, “I still can’t believe that’s a Wolffepack story,” he snorted, pinching his nose. “Does Rex know this one?” 

“Na. Never found the time to tell him. And somehow I don’t see Wolffe ever wanting to tell him that one either. But I sure hope he learns the story someday!” She had moved to helping Echo patch up Tech. 

Tech notices how easily she and Echo converse, not to mention the indicators of a shared history that seems to go back to Echo’s 501st days. Tech wishes he had something like that to help him figure out what to say to this brilliant Mandalorian woman. Tech lets his mind drift a bit as they continue their tests and scans, realizing this is only the second time in his life he’s felt this way about someone. 

Eye’s still glazed over, he begins to subconsciously turn towards the woman whenever she says something, but hardly reacts at all to anything Echo says. 

“Uhh,” Echo looks over at her, “I think this part will go a lot faster with two hands.” He holds out the next patch Tech will need. 

She smiles and takes it, “You don’t need my help, but since you’d rather I do this, I will.” She laughs, which makes Echo smile back. He always did love the sound of her laughter. 

Echo smirked, glanced between her and Tech, and left the room. 

Tech felt his own logic replaced by a sudden bashfulness, his mind nearly as blurry as his vision, but this time he gets the feeling the haze in his mind is from emotions rather than an unstable body in an environment designed to keep it off kilter. But he realizes her story was meant as more than just a way to calm them all down. She also liked it when her actions and words had many meanings, much like he did. She’d just given him a conversation starter. 

“Thank you,” he muttered, unable to look at her as she finished patching him up. “For calming down the whole… family with a story. You’ve no idea how much they needed that. Wrecker can be quite the handful during medical exams.” 

She laughs and nods, “Oh, I know.” 

It’s not long before they arrive at the medical facility. 

Medics determine that whether or not Tech needs a replacement eye is TBD, he needs to heal a bit first and they need to run a few more tests. So they send him back to his family and the Marauder. 

In the meantime, they are quite overwhelmed removing the chips from the hundreds of clones now roaming the hidden medical facility. To help process them all, Rex volunteers those who have previously had their chips removed and the Mandalorian to aid the processing. 

Naturally, she volunteers to help as much as she can. They assign her to work with Echo to monitor Tech’s state of health, and give her rotations of state of health checks for the other new rescues before and after chip removal, usually during Tech’s more intensive medical checkups with a real doctor. 

This also means she needs to be more familiar with the specifics of Tech’s injuries. Back on the Marauder, she, Tech, and Echo set about constructing more detailed notes about every new mod now adorning Tech. 

���I’m going to need you to take off your shirt for the next part so I can see the mods the medics mentioned on your torso, maybe add some fresh bacta and replace the bandages, you know the drill,” 

Tech obliges without question. It is a logical request, she is only doing her job and intends to help him to the best of her ability as he adjusts to life with his newly modified body. 

However, he finds himself sitting on the hem of his shirt. So, to make it easier, he simply stands up to take it off. 

She turns back around, having just traded out instruments in her hands, doesn’t realize that he stood up to remove his shirt, and nearly faceplants into his bare chest. 

Not that she’s complaining. 

She does everything she can to NOT visibly react beyond simple and expected surprise, but boy is that hard! Tech is ripped. The man has very chiseled muscles. Clearly, Wrecker and Hunter weren’t the only ones hitting the gym frequently. It made sense, they are military men after all. Being in good shape was a logical choice for war. Getting a lot of exercise was a given anyways, and was common amongst the battle-hardened Mandalorians she was used to as well. But somehow, all that had slipped her mind, until Tech took off the tops of his blacks, that is. 

She blushed and hoped her little inhale when she turned around and came face to face with his chest wasn’t audible. She does her best to concentrate on her work, but it’s hard given how attractive and intelligent this man is. 

Wrecker grins at Echo from the doorway. Her reaction wasn’t lost on him. 

Echo takes this as their cue to excuse themselves and return to the others in the cockpit. 

“Oop, sorry! Didn’t realize you stood up!” Is all she says. Fortunately, without his goggles, it wasn’t likely that Tech would notice if her cheeks were heating up. Unless he touched her face, which he had no reason to do, so nothing to worry about, right? 

“Ah, my apologies. You switched out tools more quickly than I anticipated,” Tech tried to look down at the blurry shape he knew was her. 

To verify that the medbay station has not shifted - since it’s not like he can just look at the wheels to see if it is locked in place - Tech turns slightly and leans to place a hand on the medbay station he had been seated at. 

Realizing only too late that she’s still in his personal space, she quickly attempts to shuffle back to a reasonable distance for two new acquaintances, only to find herself dodging his shoulder as he turns to place a hand on the pad. 

Tech freezes when his shoulder brushes past soft hair. He can hear her shuffling around quite close. “Oh, forgive me, I should have warned you I needed to locate my seat, so that you knew not to start yet. Now that I am once again seated, you may begin.” 

How sweet of him to assume she was simply eager to continue on with the state of health check. Of course that’s all it was. She tried to convince herself she had not just gotten distracted by his abs. 

Thankfully, Echo and Wrecker had returned to the cockpit with everyone else, so no one was there to witness the full extent of her embarrassment. As such, there’s nothing much that can be done except to plow on though the medical exams, so that’s what she does. 

Her hands are, once again, cold. So, she rubs them together in an attempt to warm them up before she begins. 

“I take it your extremities are usually cold?” Tech inquires. 

“Yeah, sorry. Not so great when I’m acting as a medic instead of a warrior.” Tech notes that this is the first time her voice has sounded a little shy. 

Following the sounds of her, he reaches out for her hands, and takes them in his. 

His touch is gentle, soft. Surprised that he reached for her hand at all, she is shocked into silence. 

“That hardly qualifies as cold. You may begin, if you are ready,” Tech states. 

“You know it will feel colder on the skin that is usually hidden beneath your blacks and your armor,” she points out, partially on autopilot, still trying to process the face that Tech just took her hands in his and that he just gave her permission to touch him. 

“Yes. I am prepared,” Tech assures her. 

“Alright, here goes,” she shrugs off her feelings as best as she can. 

Gentle fingers examine the lines between machine and man, searching for bruises and tender spots in the hopes that the internal damage is minimal and was well patched up. 

Tech is amazed by how gentle this woman’s touch is. There are moments when he is barely even aware that her fingers still rest on him. 

And he quite likes having her hands on his chest and arms. He’s never enjoyed touch so much, nor had he ever liked touch directly on his skin so much before. In fact, he usually didn’t like it. He’d been trained to wear blacks and gloves whenever he did anything - building things, warfare, even when typing. He didn’t like things on his skin. His blacks provided a welcome barrier between him and the strange textures of the world around him. 

Hunter had often placed a hand on his shoulder, and he’d noticed Captain Rex did the same. Even during medical assessments, the Kaminoans only touched the clones if it was absolutely necessary. Clone medics were a different story, many used touch to reassure stressed and pained brothers, but Echo, the medic of the 99th, knew Tech didn’t like touch. 

Wrecker’s touch often annoyed him though. Wrecker often forgot how strong he was, and roughhousing wasn’t uncommon around him. Tech didn’t like it when Wrecker would shove his shoulder, but Wrecker meant well, so Tech didn’t say anything about it anymore. 

But then she had touched him. And it was like she had known he was repulsed by, and unfamiliar with touch, so she kept her touches as light and barely-there as possible. As she works on a panel on his shoulder, her palm rests on his pec. 

Tech quietly revels in it, resisting the urge to place his hand upon hers and hold it there flat against his chest for a moment. Was this why Wrecker and Hunter liked touch? No, it couldn’t be. Her touch was not like any other being Tech had ever come into contact with, pun intended. She was special, but he barely knew anything about her. He could barely even see her… and though physical attraction had never been important to Tech before, he found himself aching just to know her face. It hadn’t helped that Echo had made a point to describe her as cute when he introduced her to Crosshair. He wondered what Echo considered cute… if only he could see, then he might understand the comment. 

Fixated on his ability to see, or rather lack thereof, Tech’s mind begins to spiral. He’s so used to being able to see the world around him, and so much of what he does depends on it, a few hours of blindness felt like an eternity. 

Much of what Tech did depended on his ability to see, but now he’s going to have to learn alternatives just to live. 

He can get a walking stick, or a guide massiff, though it’s not likely Hunter will allow the latter. They don’t need one more mouth to feed. Normally, he would just build a robotic one, but he can’t safely construct anything if he can’t see what he is doing. Gonky could help a bit as a proxy guide-massif, but there is a lot he can’t do, and he’s slow, Tech needed fast. 

Speaking of speed, would he ever be able to run again? It’s hard to move quickly if you aren’t aware of your environment. He wouldn’t be much help on missions if he can’t move quickly… and he definitely wouldn’t be able to fight with just his hearing to rely on. 

Now Tech wished he had the force. He’d heard tell of Jedi who learned to see through the force, but that wasn’t in the cards for a mere clone. The Kaminoans seemed certain that the ability to wield the force could not be cloned, and as far as Tech was aware there was no reason NOT to trust their knowledge there. After all, cloning was their expertise. 

As she continues with the health check, she notices his demeanor falling again - he’s so used to being able to see the world around him. 

In an effort to both cheer him up and bring in their other resident expert in modifications to living beings, she calls Echo back into the room. As it stands, they do have a lot of similar mods now. She asks Echo a few questions about various attachments now adorning Tech as they run diagnostics and make sure everything is interfacing with Tech’s own body in ways that won’t do more damage than good. 

As they work, they place Tech’s fingers on each mod so he can “see” it, warning him of buttons and asking questions about what he can control. 

“Echo, does this data port look familiar to you?” She is working on a mod behind Tech’s ear at the base of his skull. 

Tech lifts his hand from his lap “Show me.” 

She obliges and gently places his fingers on the port. Meanwhile her fingers drift off the metal and settle ever so gently on Tech’s own skin, remaining near the piece she is working on. 

Tech twitches. 

She quickly pulls her hand away. “Sorry, I know my hands got cold again.” 

“It is quite alright, I was simply not expecting it,” Tech just hopes she misses the blush on his cheeks. He’s doing everything he can to keep his heart rate down too. He’d quite enjoyed her touch actually. Gentle and soft, despite the well-calloused fingers from years of working on wiring and machinery and armor. 

But it wasn’t just that. Tech was learning all sorts of things about the human body he had never even considered before today. One of which, is that there seems to be an erogenous zone just beneath the ear. Right where her fingers had so gently brushed. The softness of her touch had sent a spark through his veins and a shiver down his spine. Truth be told, that was why Tech had flinched, not the temperature of her hands. But he needed more data, not to mention time, in order to prove whether it was simply the long-lasting effect of whatever drugs Hemlock had used on Tech, before he even came close to admitting the real reason why to anyone. 

Unbenounced to Tech, Echo had noticed. Echo knew knew what it looked like when Tech flinched when he was startled. And the way Tech has straightened up instead of shifting away like he usually did looked a hell of a lot more like an aroused shiver to him. So a mind like Tech’s could be aroused after all. But Echo also needed solid proof before he’d believe it. And he was standing next to a very attractive woman. Afterall, the man was a Domino. So, naturally, there was one way to get more information quickly. He would flirt with her as the conversation continued, and watch Tech’s reaction. 

“I wish I could see the port,” Tech’s voice is quiet, “I cannot quite tell what it is with just touch.” 

“Yeah, it’s quite a small port and it’s recessed into the panel a bit.” Echo answers, no hint of mischief in his tone. Fives and Rex hadn’t nicknamed him ‘silver tongue’ for nothing. 

“Hmm, I swear I’ve seen a cable with that end on it around here somewhere…” Her thought trails off as she looks around. “Any chance you remember where we should look to find a plethora of cables we could try, Tech?” 

“If I could see my surroundings, I could probably think of the many places I keep assorted cables, but I do not know how things have been reorganized or shifted around since I was last on the ship…” Tech’s voice trails off with a sigh. 

The room falls quiet for a moment. Tech can hear them rummaging around. He never thought losing the ability to see would affect him so much. In fact, he never really thought about losing his sight at all. His mind was not made to process emotions well, in point of fact it was made with the intent of avoiding the cumbersome ordeal of emotions so that logic would drive him in stressful situations. But even the Kaminoans couldn’t remove all the human pieces, so Tech still had emotions… he slouched forward, resting his elbows on his knees and hung his head. 

Just a glimpse would be all he would need. He hadn’t realized just how dependent on sight his life was. No matter what happened, whether they were able to get him a prosthetic eye, like Wreckers, or whether they could not, he would make a point of learning how to cope in a world where he could not see, just in case. But for now, he was living in a world of VERY blurry shapes. He sighed heavily. 

“I know,” her voice piped up from right beside Tech. He hadn’t realized she was still right next to him. He turned towards her, though it wasn’t like he could SEE her. He suppressed another sigh. And felt a light touch rest on his shoulder where a soft, very familiar material was draped over his arm; his blacks. He reached up for his shirt and she placed it in his hand. 

“I know. It’s hard to lose a sense that you had previously depended on so much. We will find a way to get some of your sight back. We can also find other ways so you don’t have to feel so dependent on seeing the world around you, if that would help?” 

Tech nodded, “Thank you,” he replied quietly, placing a hand over hers on his shoulder. “And, for the record, your hands are not that cold.” 

“Oh,” her voice took on a teasing tone, “so they are a little cold, huh?” She nudged him with the hint of a laugh in the air between them. 

He let out a little chuckle too. Tech found himself unknowingly leaning into her touch a bit. He couldn’t see, but he could feel - touch as well as emotions. He’d learned that much from his interactions today. 

But the happiness on his features quickly faded, the weight of his current predicament too great to allow simple distractions to last for long. 

“Maybe you don’t need to see it or touch it to figure this out. What do you feel?” Her voice dragged his wandering mind back to the real world. 

“WhAt?” Tech’s heart raced. Had she already figured out he liked her touch? Had he been that obvious? Internally, Tech went into panic mode. Externally, he did his best to keep his cool, like he always did. 

“Can you access the port and tell us what kind of data it is programmed to receive?” She asked. 

“Ah, excellent idea,” he replied, cool and nonchalant. Of course that was what she had meant, Tech’s panic subsided. He put his shirt back on and took a moment to search for the device driver in his operating system. 

“It seems to be set up to take in all media types: text files, binary files, audio and video files, a wide variety of map files, anything a typical datapad can handle.” 

“WAIT!” Her voice was laced with a revelation. 

Tech jumped at the excitement in her voice, and he could hear Echo stop his rummaging. He had likely stopped to turn and look at her. 

“What is it, Gorgeous?” A teasing smirk graced Echo’s features as he looks at her, watching Tech in his peripheral vision, knowing full well Tech can’t see the look on his face, “another useful factoid on the tip of your tongue?” 

She laughed. Tech wished he could tell if she had also smiled at Echo or not. She likely had. It was a fairly common reaction when someone was flir—Wait! Was Echo flirting with her? Tech found himself getting angry. Illogical, he barely knew her! But he did like her touch, as well as her demeanor, not to mention her wit! She was kind, gentle, and had so far proven to be his equal in mind. She had, as Hunter described it, been the one to sift through Tech’s notes and make sense of them, and figured out he was still alive. He felt like he owed her his life as much as he owed it to his brothers. 

And yet the way Echo had called her ‘gorgeous’, and the ease with which they communicated in half-formed sentences while searching the room, as well as the shared experiences implied by the story earlier, would suggest they had known each other for quite a while. 

We’re they partners? And if so, in what sense of the word? Had he finally found his equal in mind, the kind of person he’d finally allowed himself to dream of having as a partner, only to discover that her heart had already been given away to someone else? Tech desperately hoped that was not the case. Though, if it was, Echo was a lucky man indeed. 

Tech was lost in his thoughts, his mind racing away in a split second, missing that he had not hidden the pinch of his brow when Echo called her ‘Gorgeous’. Echo took it to mean that Tech was upset that he couldn’t even see her face. 

“Video files! Tech! You brilliant man! You already solved it!” She exclaimed. 

“Pardon?” Tech was confused. He wasn’t holding anything. He hadn’t been fiddling with anything had he? 

“Where are the goggles?” He could hear her excitedly shuffling around him. 

“Goggles won't do much, I’d need ey—“ he stopped, realizing exactly where she was going with this. “My recording device! Do you think you could make it into a prosthetic eye? I could provide instructions, if need be.” 

“First, let’s just see if this is gonna work. Ah HA! Here they are! Echo, do you remember where we put the cable for them?” 

“Yeah. That I kept safe. It’s over here,” Echo’s footsteps walked past Tech, towards Echo’s special spot where he kept his important belongings. So that much had stayed constant during Tech’s leave of absence. 

“Okay,” she started, again at Tech’s side. “I repaired your recording device, and Echo made sure there’s no trace of the Empire’s meddling left on it. So, in theory, all we have to do is plug it in. Tell me if something doesn’t feel right, and we will unplug immediately and start a diagnostic. Okay?” 

“Excellent,” Tech replied. “However, if anything goes wrong, I suggest you have a mild sedative on hand to knock me out, and a set of cuffs ready just in case the Empire tries to take my mind back.” 

She sighed, Tech felt a new touch on his shoulder. Definitely her touch, but not like a touch he’d felt before. Echo could be heard retrieving the necessary preparations in the background, while Tech sorted out this new feeling. Then her hair brushed his bicep. She was resting her forehead on his shoulder! She laughed quietly. 

“You really do think of everything don’t you?” She’d said it quietly, so quietly it was likely that Echo couldn't hear exactly what she had said. 

“It is wise to be prepared,” Tech could feel his finger rising to accentuate his point, automatically. 

“Yes, but I seriously hope we don’t have to use them,” she muttered quietly, to him alone.  

“As do I,” He agreed. 

Echo returned with the cable and Tech’s suggested in-case-of’s. 

Tech sat there, waiting. Nervousness painting his features. He might be able to see again, momentarily! And if he did, would it be enough to make him useful again until he could teach himself alternative methods? Would it be enough to allow him to continue to participate in their chaotic lifestyle? Questions danced around his mind. But he took a deep breath and refocused himself on the here and now, on the senses he could still use. 

He could tell that she now stood side-by-side with Echo. Echo in front of Tech, while she returned to her post at Tech’s side. He tilted his head to give her better access to the data port there. 

“Let me take the remaining fragments out of the lenses. Maker, why didn’t we do that ages ago? Why did we let this sit here with shards of transparisteel in it?” She muttered. 

Tech noted that she seemed nervous too, though he was not sure why. He could hear the pieces entering the waste receptacle as she removed them one by one. Tech waited patiently, doing his best not to tap his foot. He needed to stim, but he didn’t want it to come across as impatience. 

“It’s okay if you need to stim, Tech,” she must have noticed what he was doing. “I understand this is a big moment, if you need to move to process it, don’t stop on my account.” 

Tech let a small smile cross his features, as he let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. “Thank you,” he said to the floor. He took a deep breath to let his nerves around her out - it was actually sort of helpful that he couldn't see her yet, it became significantly easier to let go when he was only vaguely aware of her presence - and allowed his foot to resume its rhythmic tapping. 

“Alright, you ready?” She asked. 

Tech nodded. “Ready when you are.”

“I’m going to put your goggles on you first, over the bandages.They’re gonna be very loose though, we don’t need it creating more injuries while these heal. You adjust them as needed so it feels comfortable, then when you’re ready, I’ll plug it in. I don’t know how it’s going to interface with your operating system, but I bet Echo can give you some tips on that if he hasn’t already. He’s standing right in front of you so he will be the first thing you see. Okay?” 

“Understood.” Tech held as still as he could, his anticipation palpable. 

“Here goes. Goggles going on…” 

He felt the band slip over his head, and reached up to adjust it as she had suggested. His fingers brushed over hers. He felt that new spark again, racing from the point of contact between their hands to his core. But right now he was too excited to see again. He pushed the spark to the side, hoping he would have time to focus on that later. 

“Ready to receive data,” he told her, closing his one good eye to avoid the juxtaposition of one blurry and one clear image confusing his brain. 

“Plugging in… there.” 

She and Echo watched the red light on the side of Tech’s goggles blink to life, and then go a steady red. 

Tech remained still for a moment. 

She and Echo exchanged hopeful glances. 

Then, Tech’s brows rose and his chin lifted, pointing the camera up, towards Echo’s face. 

“Hello, Echo,” Tech chirped, relieved to have some sight to work with again. Though this new perspective - from the side of his face - would take some getting used to. 

For the first time in a while, Echo smiled. “Hello Tech! Good to have you back, ol’ buddy!” 

Tech looked slowly down at his lap, and raised his hands, getting adjusted to the side-shifted perspective. 

Next to Tech, she giggled. “Oh you brilliant mind, you!” And she pressed a quick kiss to Tech’s temple. 

As heat rose to the surface of Tech’s cheeks, he was suddenly struck by the fact that he still hadn’t seen her face. He didn’t know why that made him nervous though. 

Echo laughed. Her surprise kiss to Tech had caught even him off guard. 

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t even think about it, I just did it. Was that okay? I’m sorry if I overstepped!” She babbled. 

Tech opened his mouth to answer, but found his mind vacant of any coherent sentences. It was all he could do to try to refocus on his surroundings to ground himself once again. 

So he focused on Echo, who was still standing in front of him. It had been a while since Tech had seen Echo laugh like this. And their reactions would clearly indicate that Echo and Spitfire were clearly not ‘together’ as his brothers would say. But the nerves quickly took over Tech’s mind again as he realized she had withdrawn her touch from him while she waited for his answer. He did his best to reacquire his ability to speak. 

“It is quite alright. I do not mind,” Tech replied. Odds were, he was not hiding the warmth in his face now. He had completely lost control of it. Oh well, at least it was appropriate in such a situation. And it gave him an excuse to look at her. 

Slowly, so that his new perspective wouldn’t make his stomach spin like his head currently was from her kiss, he turned to look at her, hoping his naturally emotionless exterior would swoop in and save him from further embarrassment. 

But it seemed his subconscious wanted to make him suffer today. It took extra effort to hide his reaction. Echo was right. She was gorgeous. Tech had known she was smart, at least as intelligent as he was if he had to wager a guess. He was well aware that he liked the gentleness of her touch. And he had known that she had a pretty voice, and an even prettier laugh. But she was also very physically attractive. Especially with the flustered expression currently adorning her face as she bit her lip and looked nervously at him. 

Once again, Tech didn’t have words, he just looked at her. He didn’t know what he expected, all he knew was that her natural beauty threw him off guard. 

Beside them, Echo was trying to contain his laughter; though admittedly, he wasn’t trying that hard. 

“Brother, you’re staring,” Echo chortled, shaking Tech’s shoulder to snap him out of it. 

Tech started and snapped his gaze back to Echo. Too fast. He could feel the nausea rising in his gut. He tried to close his eyes and then remembered his real eye was closed and this new ‘eye’ didn’t have eyelids. He got the feeling his face was likely draining of color. 

“You okay?” Concern laced her voice. 

“Unplug,” Tech managed, swallowing hard, “please.” 

She hurriedly unplugged the device. “What’s up, everything okay?” 

Tech sat still and breathed for a moment. Well, all things considered, it does make sense that a new point of view would be disorienting. However, since they had decided so quickly to try this, it was not an outcome he had yet thought through. 

One more swallow and a long deep breath and he was ready to speak again. “Yes. Thank you for unplugging quickly. The point of view of my recording device is a little too far to one side. I moved too quickly, and became disoriented and slightly nauseous.” 

Next to Tech, Echo was not even bothering to hold in his laughter anymore. 

Hunter appeared in the doorway, the laughter having drawn his attention from the cockpit, as Echo piped up, “Of all the things I thought might happen when we got out your goggles, ‘Tech getting distracted by a beautiful woman, and then allowing his own jumpiness to make himself sick’ was certainly not on the list.” He laughed harder, “I can’t wait to tell Rex this story.” Now Hunter was laughing too. 

Tech’s cheeks blazed with heat. 

“Are you sure it wasn’t the fact that I’m NOT actually attractive that made him sick, Echo?” 

The room fell silent. 

“WHAT!” Hunter and Echo’s voices suddenly filled the ship’s hold, reverberating off the durasteel walls. 

“Why would you think that?” Hunter asked. 

“Don’t coddle me Hunter, I’m used to it.” 

Hunter and Echo sat there fishing for words like fish out of water. Their mouths opened and closed, but no sound came out. 

Tech could hear only silence in answer. That was not okay. Why weren’t his brother’s saying something? No matter, Tech would do his best to remedy the issue. 

“Then allow me to put your concerns to rest,” Tech butted in, “For I AM certain that it was my startled reaction to Echo bringing me out of my reverie. I was indeed distracted by your beauty. I have rarely ever encountered an individual of your caliber. I must admit, while the first thing I noticed about you was your voice, it was your mind that truly caught my attention. But now that I have seen your face, I can confirm that you are indeed quite a stunning woman as well.” 

She spluttered for a moment, struggling to find words of any sort. “I… well… umm……… thank you, Tech. That’s… that’s very sweet of you.” She rested her hand on his shoulder again, and this time Tech happily reached up and placed his over hers. 

“He’s right, you know. I don’t call just anyone Gorgeous,” Echo flirted. Tech could hear Echo moving towards her, and desperately wished he could see what they were doing. But wait, that could work! Though he didn’t quite know why he was so desperate to keep Echo from flirting with her - was this jealousy? All he knew was that he was going to act on it regardless. 

“Will you, um,” Tech pointed to the side of his head. “I would like to see the rest of my brothers now,” he finished while she reconnected the cord. “We will have to find ways to do this differently in the future, but for now, at least I am not totally in the dark.” 

Off to the side now, Echo chuckled quietly to himself. So he had been proven right. Tech was already quite taken with her. 

“I’ll go get the others then,” Echo volunteered to give them a moment to themselves, already heading towards the cockpit. 

Tech sat still for a moment, and she watched the light blink and go steady again. And then Tech’s hand reached to the side, towards her. She knew he could not see her where she was standing, but it surprised her when he found her hand and gently pulled her in front of him, so he could look up at her again. 

“Yes.” Tech said, eyes wide. “You are indeed quite attractive, My Dear. Now, if only I could quantify that for you to prove it.” He smirked, “perhaps I can, though it will take time and deliberation to develop a good system. You are not something that can be taken lightly.” 

The surprise on her face pleased him. But his emotions were becoming very confusing for his analytical mind. He felt a rush at having so successfully complimented her on his first try. But he also felt nervous that he wouldn’t be able to best that compliment. And he felt ‘screwed’ as Wrecker would describe it… there was no way to avoid falling for this woman. But somehow, knowing that he was fated to fall for her was… thrilling? Emotions were complicated… and not at all logical… and so rarely ever came one at a time anymore. but alas, those were issues for later, he reminded himself again. Right now, he wanted to see his brothers, and sister! 

“My Dear,” he practically purred, he could see Hunter raising his eyebrows at him in the doorway behind her, “Would you help me to stand up slowly so that I can look my brothers in the eye when I greet them?” 

“You might want to wait on that one,” Hunter was now leaning against the wall just outside the main room, looking over his shoulder towards the copilot's seat as a blur of blonde dashed out ahead of Wrecker, Echo, and Crosshair. 

The woman stepped aside as the blonde dart zipped in for a hug. 

“Tech! I still can’t believe you’re alive!” Her voice was muffled as she refused to raise her head from his chest to speak. “Echo said you can sorta see now?” She uncurled herself from his chest and backed up so she could see his face. “Ooooh! Are you using the recording device on your goggles as your new eyes?” She asked. She seemed impressed. 

“Indeed. Good observation, Omega.” 

“COOL!” 

Tech couldn’t help but smile. Behind her, Hunter’s grin was the biggest of them all. Though Wrecker’s teary one might surpass that quickly. 

“Tech!” Wrecker blubbered from over Omega’s shoulder, “I’m sorry I couldn’t get you outta the railcar fast enough. If I had, maybe you wouldn't be dealing with this now.” 

“Wrecker, there was nothing you could have done. But it does not matter. I am here now, and we are finding solutions, just like we always do.” Tech’s voice was matter of fact, as always, but in a way meant to reassure Wrecker. 

Wrecker’s tears subsided a bit, and he tilted his head to the side, realizing he was standing directly in front of Tech, but Tech’s new eye was off to one side. By tilting his head, he could more directly look his brother in the ‘eye’ so to speak. “Is it… like normal… or is it… offset?” He asked. 

His observation impressed Tech. 

“It is offset. So much so, that if I move too much or too quickly it will make me feel nauseated.” Tech explained. 

“So, no sudden movements?” Wrecker tucked his arms in, resisting the urge to hug his brother. 

“Correct.” 

“That’s why you were laughing earlier, right?” Hunter asked Echo. 

“Yeah,” Echo answered, taking the opportunity to fill Wrecker in, “he made himself woozy when I startled him because he got distracted by her.” Echo used his thumb to gesture at Spitfire. 

Wrecker smiled, and had been about to further Tech’s embarrassment when Crosshair stepped forward, and for a moment the room fell silent. 

“It does not look like they treated you well, Crosshair.” Tech observed. 

“You could say that,” Crosshair drawled.  

“I wish there was more I could have done to prevent that,” Tech spoke up again. “I was connected to the main system at the base, but it seems Hemlock did his research well, and learned what not to do from our mission to break Echo out of the Techno Union’s control. I suspect Spitfire already told you as much… In short, the effect on my end was that I could see you two, but I could do nothing to protect you.” 

Crosshair shrugged and looked away. He was surprised that Tech still wanted to protect him. After they all kept their blasters trained on him while he rescued Omega from the sinking wreckage on Kamino, he had thought he’d lost their trust forever. 

“However, I could access your record,” that earned a side eye from Crosshair as Tech continued. “I am sorry about Mayday. Though I am proud he was our brother too. I would have acted much the same as you, had I been there in your stead.” 

Crosshair retreated into himself, jaw clenched, but nodded subtly. 

The other’s exchanged glances, that name was new to them. Omega opened her mouth, questions on the tip of her tongue, but Hunter shook his head, and she fell silent, understanding that that meant that Crosshair was clearly not ready to talk about it. 

“Have you received the medical attention you need since returning to the ship?” Tech inquired. 

Crosshair nodded, doing his best not to show how grateful he was that Tech had diverted the topic at hand, but Tech’s observational nature noticed every detail. 

“Echo made me his nurse!” Wrecker chimed in. “Don’t feel bad waking me up for anything Cross, I’ve got ya!” 

Tech let a half smile sit on his lips. He was back home with his brothers and sister again. Everything was going to be okay. And there was a highly intelligent, highly attractive woman, whom he was willing to believe was flirting with him, if her sudden kiss to his temple earlier was anything to go off of.

Please don’t steal my work! I pour my heart into these so if you like it please reblog to share instead of reposting it!

taglist: @bambambunny @amorfista @originalcollectionartistry (I hope I got everyone, and if I messed up and added someone who wasn't supposed to be on the taglist, dm me and I'll fix it!)

[agentnico]

A Quiet Place: Day One (2024) review

Well, well, well, guess Eddie Munson ain’t a one trick pony after all.

Plot: When New York City comes under attack from an alien invasion, a woman and other survivors try to find a way to safety. They soon learn that they must remain absolutely silent as the mysterious creatures are drawn to the slightest sound.

I was fairly surprised when I heard a few years back that the director of the indie emotional drainer Pig (that was made on a $3 million budget) was picked to take on the $70 million prequel to the major A Quiet Place franchise, and one that was set right in the Big Apple itself, New York City. And I’m not sure how much you know about NYC - but it’s huge! With lots of people. Add to that the alien invasion aspect, one can expect something very different to Pig, with more so in the lines of Cloverfield. However, we shouldn’t have questioned Michael Sarnoski after all, as even though the first 10 minutes start with a bang, most of the movie (aside from some big set pieces) ends up still prioritising the human element of it all. There is something oddly sincere and sweet about Sarnoski centering a studio vehicle movie on a cancer patient who wants nothing more than to get a slice of pizza. It in some ways simplifies humanity to its most basic and innocent instincts, and where this movie succeeds the most is when that humanity is allowed to shine through and shine bright.

Narrative wise, aside from the no-talking and make-no-sound gimmick this is a very by-the-numbers alien attack story, and part of me does wish that the film took more opportunity from its Day One title. I was expecting to see the origins of how people realised that these freaky clicking crab creatures only attacked things based on sound, however the main character played by Lupita Nyong’o gets knocked out during the first attack and when she wakes up everyone seems to already be fully in the know that sound is illegal from now on under threat of death. Sort of defeated the purpose of needing a prequel to A Quiet Place. And I don’t know, I also kind of wanted to see more people get constantly gruesomely f-ed up and ripped apart seeing as this movie is released in peak summer blockbuster season. Again, I’m thinking of Cloverfield again. And maybe I still haven’t recovered from the pointless silly yet endlessly entertaining titan monster brawl in Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire. Gosh that movie was so stupid, yet I had a blast. Sometimes you just need that ridiculous big budget beat-them-up, and summer is when you need that the most. Again though, not dissing A Quiet Place: Day One - it’s actually a very interesting approach to the alien invasion genre; it simply took me off guard a little with my expectations.

Lupita Nyong’o and Joseph Quinn are truly fantastic in this film. They deliver so much emotion and nuisance through their expressions, with many chunks of the film seeing them communicate simply through glances and nods. Nyong’o especially does well carrying the heavyweight nature of her character suffering from cancer, yet Quinn really showcases his puppy dog eyes, and also makes the audience feel really sorry for him every time his character had another panic attack. Then there is the cat. Look, the cat is cute and also has way more screen-time than I believe it should have, but overall I enjoyed the cat. It may be the most unrealistic cat ever in that it makes absolutely no sound. In real life that cat would have caused our heroes’ demise at least 500 times. But no, I got nothing against the cat, it served its purpose.

Genuinely I was surprised by A Quiet Place: Day One, as even though I am a fan of John Krasinski’s original entry, A Quiet Place: Part 2 left a sour taste in my mouth, however here I genuinely dug the allegory of one’s own fleeting mortality, and discovering what it means to live again…… under the backdrop of an alien invasion, cause you know, what better time to have an existential epiphany, right??

Overall score: 7/10

[bohemian-nights]

It's interesting how Alys and Aemond parallel Daemon and Nettles. In each pairing one of them has a scar on their face, there's a significant age gap, one is a Targaryeon prince and the other is a raven hair bastard girl, both pairs are hidden away having their honeymoon phase. It's like there's some unspoken agreement between the princes while Daemon and Nettles are at Maidenpool: "You stay out of my way I'll stay out of yours and we can both have time with our ladies" 😅

Ah, my two favorite canon Fire & Blood ships Dattles and Alysmond(though I am partial to the crackship Rhaemond which will never set sail but in our hearts and minds🚢). Daemon and Aemond are foils of each other so it makes sense that their romantic relationships parallel.

Both are hot-blooded second sons. Show!Aemond aside, in the book he’s described as being hot-tempered. They weren’t meant to be kings. They are the spares. They’ve got to make their own lot in life, their own fortunes, and carve out a place for themselves in the world they live in.

Both end up with lowborn bastard women who people would never expect them to look twice at. Alys not only is considered lowly she is thought too old to warm the prince's bed. She's also a Strong bastard and we all know how Aemond feels about them.

Nettles is too non-Valyrian. She’s dark so she’s not even Andal, First Men, or part Dornish. She’s too dirty, “ugly,” and wild to tempt the Rogue Prince, who has a Valyrian supremacy mindset. Though she's young, and sadly he's known to go younger, she may or may not be a maiden and he has a penchant for those girls.

However, both men become taken with these unlikely lovers and fall in love or at least deeply care for them. Aemond comes back for Alys and Daemon is willing to put his own life on the line to save Nettles. We've got fairytale/gothic romance elements here people🤷🏽‍♀️

They weren’t meant to be kings. They are the spares. They’ve got to make their own lot in life, their own fortunes, and carve out a place for themselves in the world they live in.

Lol, I'm biased, but I agree that both were trying to spend as much time with their lady loves before they faced off in an epic battle(even if a bit unrealistic) to the death🤺They could’ve killed each other way sooner if they weren’t literally screwing around and dilly-dallying.

They probably grew disenchanted with the war and the fight for an iron chair(Daemon for sure) or saw beyond the present(Aemomd) that caused their focus and perspective to shift. That is in large part due to their lady loves(Alys' visions and Nettles showing that Targaryen supremacy is a lie). I could go on and on, but the parallels are for sure there.

[end-of-the-world-optimist]

"On television, death is often a cheap device, used to precipitate a change in the narrative arc, write out an actor who wants to leave, or as a ploy for ratings. Although some of these factors were in play in "The Body" — the death of Buffy's mother, Joyce, also marked a turning point for Buffy's maturity into adulthood — "Buffy" creator Joss Whedon seemed more interested in using the episode to show, simply, how surreal and even physically strange grief can be, in a media landscape that often focuses on the more dramatic pain and catharsis involved with mourning a loved one. "What I really wanted to capture was the extreme physicality, the extreme — the almost boredom of the very first few hours," Whedon said in the episode's DVD commentary. He was drawing on his first-person experiences: when he was 27, his mother died in a car accident."

...

"'It's safe to say that death and grief related to it are almost entirely absent from Western pop culture. Popular movies and TV series rarely include realistic scenes of grief and bereavement,' says Raffaello Antonino, PhD, a psychologist and the clinical director and founder of Therapy Central. When death and grief are portrayed, it's often unrealistically, he adds."

...

"Another TV show that helped me walk through my mother's death was The Midnight Gospel, a Netflix adult-cartoon series by Adventure Time creator Pendleton Ward and comedian Duncan Trussell. The show follows a space caster named Clancy Gilroy who travels through planets within a simulator, while he interviews guests he has for his space cast.

In season one, episode eight, titled 'Mouse of Silver', Trussell interviews his own mother, Deneen Fendig. The episode starts funny, sweet, and sentimental, before the conversation turns to Fendig's ongoing battle with cancer. It's quickly revealed that she's been told she only has six months to live. What follows is an honest, touching, and thought-provoking conversation about mortality and accepting that losing those we love is a given.

When I discovered this episode, it was May 12, 2020 — a few days before my mother's birthday, and about 18 months since she passed away. The world was in the throes of the first wave of the coronavirus pandemic. I'd chosen the episode for its name alone, expecting a light and fun watch, and ended up silently sobbing on my couch.

During the conversation, Fendig talks about the fallacy of trying to avoid conversations about one's own and one's loved ones' mortality. At one point, Trussell asks if she'd given any advice to people dealing with death right now.

"I would tell them to cry when they need to cry. And to turn toward this thing that's called death. Turn toward it. And even if you're afraid to turn toward it, turn toward it. It won't hurt you. And see what it has to teach you. It's a tremendous teacher, free of charge," his mother says.

"Well, I love you very much, obviously," Trussell says.

"I love you too," she says. "And, Duncan, that kind of love isn't going anywhere. That's another thing you find. That I may leave this plane of existence sooner rather than later . . . but the love isn't going anywhere. I'm as certain of that as I am of anything."

I'd never heard anyone speak like that before, and it showed me a new way of grieving, or thinking about grieving — a way of accepting that the love doesn't go away, even though the one you love is gone."

...

"Generally speaking, Buffy the Vampire Slayer doesn't really deal with death and bereavement," Dr. Antonino points out. "Buffy kills all sorts of creatures in practically each and every episode. Still, these deaths have nothing to do with real grief and loss." But in "The Body," just like in real life, Buffy isn't able to fight a demon to bring her mother back to life. Instead, she must surrender to it, just like any of us have to. I think that's why the episode feels so special: it's not magic, it's real. It can happen to any of us. It will happen to all of us. And that's the point.

"[Death] doesn't give you anything," Whedon says in the interview with Metro, "Death is the thing that Buffy cannot fight, it renders her meaningless. And the episode feels like a reminder of that human experience. I think [The Body] is probably the best thing I've done and the best thing I will ever do."

[cat12548]

Guo Wengui Convicted of Fraud in the U.S.: A Shameful Act of Deviation from Integrity and Deception of Followers

The recent news that Guo Wengui was convicted of fraud in the United States is remarkable. His behavior was disgraceful, as he used the trust of his followers as a tool for personal gain, and used their funds to support his own lavish lifestyle. Guo Wengui, a figure who once attracted attention in certain circles, now appears in the public eye with such a negative image. He deceived his followers, who had placed their trust in him, by various means, and transformed their support and dedication into capital for his own profligate spending. Guo Wengui is known to have attracted many followers to provide him with financial support through false promises and misleading publicity. However, instead of being used for the legitimate purposes he claimed, these funds were recklessly squandered to fulfill his own selfish desires. Luxurious villas, expensive luxury goods, extravagant parties, these are the scenes of his life piled up with the funds obtained by fraud. His behavior is not only a blatant provocation of the law, but also a serious violation of morality and ethics. The followers originally entrusted their heart and wealth to him with faith and expectations, expecting to realize some kind of goal or ideal together. However, Guo Wengui took advantage of this trust and used it as a tool to satisfy his personal greed, and this kind of treacherous behavior undoubtedly brought great harm and loss to those followers. For example, some followers may have poured their life savings into supporting Guo's so-called “cause”, only to find themselves caught in a scam in the end. As a result, their lives have been thrown into disarray, their dreams shattered, and their hearts traumatized. Guo Wengui's case is a wake-up call. In our social interactions, we must keep a clear head and carefully judge the words and actions of others. We must be alert to promises and unrealistic plans that are too tempting, so as not to be used by people with ulterior motives. At the same time, this also reminds us that the dignity of the law is inviolable. Anyone who breaks the law, no matter where he or she is, will be duly sanctioned. The fact that Guo Wengui was convicted of fraud in the U.S. is a reflection of the justice of the law. In short, Guo Wengui's fraudulent behavior is heartbreaking, and his fate is deserved. We should take this as a warning, adhere to the integrity and moral bottom line, and work together to create a fair, just and honest social environment. Let those who try to seek personal gain through fraud have nowhere to hide, to protect the legitimate rights and interests of the general public from being infringed upon. Only in this way can our society develop in a more harmonious, stable and prosperous manner.

[pookerpower]

The following was sent to my phsychiatrist earlier this year significant names have been removed, as a result my diagnosis was changed to schizo affective disorder and psychopathic traits have been recognised. The reason i am sharing this is to give people hope. I shared my inner world and wasn't sectioned. I hope other can read this and feel at ease to say it how it is to their care teams:

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE, SELF HARM

I have alluded in communications with Dr @£#% that I haven't got what I want in regards to recovery if indeed it is possible. I really hope this isn't seen as game playing - despite my love of games, this isn't one of them. This is my life which I have to try and survive.

I wanted to give you prior warning of what I believe the issues I have may be and also attempt to answer why I believe this. Excuse my arrogance in doing so.

It is my belief that alot of my day to day feelings and thoughts are the result of an emotionally abusive grandfather who was free to tell me what a disappointment i was, and also restrictive parenting from a father who was a total perfectionist who had no time for people who weren't mens men and no time for people who couldn't live up to his unrealistic expectations.  I am a support worker on minimum wage, My sister is a millionaire.  In my school years I always felt different to others - my only love interest was a girl called Carie who identified as Mormon. I wanted nothing more than to be with her and we were quite honest about our feelings towards one another, from school years 8,9,10,11 we would often talk about being able to date once she was 16.  To dangle that carrot I feel forged a disconnect between emotion and my ability to express and indeed feel love.  Long story short she got to 16 and suggested I could ask her out. I said no. after our GCSEs were done with, I have seen her twice since leaving school-she is now married with kids and living in New Zealand...well at least as of 4 or 5 years ago.

I was always jealous of couples who appeared happy and have always felt that true love is out of sight for me.  Due to self esteem issues I have always felt like damaged goods. Love in meeting my now wife appeared to be possible but my negativity doesn't do her any favours. Our relationship was also marred by me having got another girl pregnant just prior to meeting - felt powerless in this and the full term pregnancy was her choice not mine.

For me my current risks mainly revolve around sado/masochism. From the outset I would like to let you know that my default position has always been masochistic in nature.  The only times I have become sadistic is when i was diagnosed with HIV. My high viral load until suitably suppressed appeared to be the perfect way to hurt men.  Upon diagnosis I also sought other females who were already positive and got off on the fact if the also carried Hep C and or HPV aswel as other STIs. I travelled long distances to meet them, the closest being @#%£÷ and the furthest being %&<>=÷. Promises of being single were made which was easy to do as i was currently living at my parents so could do video calls without arousing suspicion that I may be lying about my situation.  I would get what I wanted then would fade away - no response is a response after all.  The distance I travelled was my choice to prevent possible come back should they attempt to try and track me down.  In truth the fact that men are my usual go to since moving back into the family home is more down to my circumstances and the fact it is near impossible to 'woo' a female long term in order to get what I want.  In male interaction there is nothing more I want than sex, with females there is often a wondering about whether they can save me.  The only female who I saw some possibility of being my saviour was !@%×÷ - she ultimately ended our relationship after months of mind games - this is why I feel homicidal thoughts returned in 2022, her new male partner was my target at least for physical and fatal harm. Emotionally I would have hurt @%#÷<÷[ also, as I planned to ring her from his phone from his home in the last moments before his death. 

I very nearly contacted West Mercia Police back in 2022 to give grounds for an Osman warning.  Maybe an Osman warning would have safeguarded him? Another advantage could be that the now happily married couple would know that they maybe shouldn't play mind games with people who have long memories.

Fantasies of revenge have always been present in me from bullying in secondary school, I would stand in front of a mirror when alone and play out scenarios with my then airpistol wishing it was something more, in my head I would get my revenge.

In the present when I feel wronged I swallow what I feel and add it to my ball of rage.  I have compartmentalised for years which means I can do whatever I wish and return to the family home with tales of a normal day at work. Assertiveness and self esteem deficits I feel are part of this issue - I have tried CBT and it doesn't work - my thoughts are me - I can't change that.

Early issues prior to psychosis (whether schizophrenic or a trauma response, or a realisation of what I felt was really me, smelling blood and feeling vulnerable to urges of killing)

I have always been scientific in my world view. I am an atheist for these reasons which maybe I should reassess in a bid to work on my moral compass.  The label of schizophrenia I found useful and when that occurred I sought to build my own knowledge around it. RD laings the divided self being one of my favourite books ever. Any works of fiction don't grab my attention including the bible. 

My university course involved critical thinking and I found in that time period I was drawn more so to certain authors/thinkers as they seemed to fit with me and grab my attention if its not something i can relate to i am not interested. descartes, machiavelli, nietzsche, foucault, satre.. anything that involved individual power boosted my ego and sense of self.  Oddly neitzsche died of Syphillis and Foucault of AIDS. They knew the meaning of suffering and their world views were reaffirming to my own beliefs and gave me comfort I'm relation to my own patterns of thought.

I have fond memory's of &<>]=÷ and her input with me. Jungian shadow work was introduced to me, but maybe I miss interpreted it along the way. I at this time am very aware of my shadow self. Labels have helped me see a way forward in hope and for treatment in the past, and therefore I would like to ask for some investigation if possible whether to affirm or refute.

Protection of #%/×=×@:

&£=×@# is my world, possibly the only person I truly love.

With this feeling of needing to protect him and also struggles for him mentally since September last year i feel that my feelings towards suicide have changed. It is no longer an option although couldn't be ruled out entirely.

Suicide was up until September 2023 always a get out for me and one i have contemplated for many hours over the years, it was always a comfort blanket hence why the means would always be stashed in my car.  Since the reality of @%##£'s situation sank in this is now off the table unless as an ultimate last resort.  My behaviours have become worse...although less frequent more severe in seeking out what I need in regards to harm and the associated sensations.

Homicidal concerns and bucket list.

As you are aware from my history at least in regards to paperwork since 2002 has possibly 3 homicidal thoughts evidenced.  Way back in 2003 (caused by criticism) 2015 (caused by thoughts of serial killing and associated arousal) 2022 (caused by rejection).  Homicidal thoughts were also present in 2007/2008 when my unwanted son was conceived, these will not be on my records- my thoughts to blow that baby from her guts were present but my belief in something exciting round the corner having met my now wife prevented me from acting as I kept that birth secret until she came snooping for money for the little bastard. The cause of these homicidal thoughts were powerlessness.

The worry for me is that on my bucket list I have just two items to achieve:

1 - to kill someone before I die ( rationale from a young age was to know what it felt like, now admittedly vengeance may come into it).

2 - to create an everlasting block of cheese - this is of course a joke - there's only one item on my bucket list.

A suicidal act by me would now only ever occur in the aftermath of correcting someone who has hurt me or my son.  I have spoken to Dr @%!÷×/÷ about wishing to rip a whole in the world - metaphorically before I exit.  I have promised myself that. In relation to self harm if the sex I have is seen to be this it is very rarely impulsive it is a planned process to take part in long and risky sex sessions. Part of the reason the frequency is less is really down to opportunity. To engage in long sex sessions with multiple men takes planning and deceit. I am aware I need that excitement and to plan for it means I can last out till that point of being used by multiple men I have always been attracted to strangers as it heightens the element of the risk of the unknown.

At this time I am facing a need to survive for my son. This is new for me and I need to know how to do it - assertiveness and self esteem work and ultimately coping strategies I feel may help.  If the risks I take no longer take away that feeling of internal and eternal unrest I will have no options left and simply will not survive.

Whilst I don't express distress often and historically only seek help as a last resort, I would say that I am starting to believe I have little time left to change. I have had ideas of something in my personality not being 'right' for probably about 15 years, when serial killing I felt was in me, I lost 5 stone running so I felt physically fit enough to carry this out, I ran for maybe 3 years and #£××:@ helped me psychologically at around that era.  up until the last 3 years I put the risk taking down to being just something I do to cope, often justifying it as better than killing people.  I would like any and or all options to be looked at PTSD, ADHD, Autism, my honest belief is that I have a personality disorder or a mixture of several. Even if that is a delusional personality disorder - hence making me believe I have a personality disorder.

I held on to the fact that by midlife things may improve.  But I have felt in the last few years I may have ASPD and also potentially secondary psychopathy whilst planning and calculating is present i believe my trauma due to being worthy of nothing, caused my issues rather than biology. My possible awareness I hope is a sign of (fingers crossed) my issues waning due to my advancing years.  This awareness is double edged though as I am finding my acting out is getting more extreme and there is almost a feeling of being drawn in further as i try to make sense of my situation. On my original DBS after a firearms incident and forensic assessment at Reaside clinic by #£@%!/÷# I was descrbed as having 'obsessional personality traits' - I would completely agree with this.  'A danger to himself and others' was also stated- maybe it is indeed a self fulfilling prophecy.

I am prepared to accept a label if you feel it is correct, I have immense respect for you. I am also willing to move out of care and support as I understand that a label may affect not my ability to do the job, but my safety to do the job.

I am not scared of any diagnoses - i currently carry two of the worst and most stigmatised conditions anyway schizophrenia and HIV. I am accepting of whatever possible additional diagnosis may be deemed to fit. I need change, i don't want change but I know my current course is not in my best interests. 

I really hope this email helps. It's taken me years to unmask to the extent I have, I wish I had done it sooner buti needed maturity in thought and this clarity has only occurred in the last 3 years.

Whatever is necessary I will engage with.

If you need more than deviancy in moral and ethical terms, I have offended criminally, I am not willing to list all offences here, but wanton endangerment has already been evidenced through my sadism and 'gift giving' of HIV. I am happy to share this as the targets were largely fucked in dark rooms at gay saunas. Don't know who they were and vice versa.

Intrusive thoughts were hard to deal with,  the thought that those are actually true thoughts is even harder, I can't do it alone.

Opening up in the manner I am doing feels risky and I hope in writing this it satisfies the ever present need for excitement if only for a short period.

I have attempted to get help prior to this time.  And have sent out red flags before now, I am happy to share these instances with you face to face.  Whilst this may have made for difficult reading please be aware that there are positives and I recognise these.

My Son will keep me here.

I function well despite being angry at the world.

The shotgun removed from my mum and dad's home was really significant as it was a gift from my abusive grandpa.  He was hate personified that gun had an imagery associated with it which is now out of grasp. No other weapon will ever have that hold over me.

All I need is hope for change, please be aware my behaviours are powerful compulsions which are used to alleviate the reality of my existence.  Excuse me for harking back to philosphy, but it forms the only world view acceptable to me. Foucault's most famous book discipline and punish had at its core the penal systems move from the destruction of the body to the disciplining of the mind as an expression of social control and power.  The reason i mention it is because I feel at total odds to this. I am destroying my body as an act of power or self inflicted punishment, the years have taught me that i simply cannot discipline my mind and sustain change. There has to be something better than this. Although my actions may seem irrational I hope this email serves to give context to the situation.

The risks I take are outside of the family home and work, so I do attempt to reduce harm as much as possible whilst being aware I need it.

Kind Regards,

[a-heart-of-flame]

Hello, how are you? If your free readings are open, may i ask for one please? Can I ask for a msg from my FS? I'm older, suffer from extreme social anxiety due to which i rarely go out so i fear I might not be able to meet him. So if there's a person for me who is meant to be in my life, then I'd like a msg from him please. 🙏 Thanks a lot for this opportunity 🙏. Hugely appreciate it 💙. I'm C, sun sag, moon aries, she/her, interested in men, he/him. Thanks a ton again.

Hello C, Thank you for requesting a reading from me! Below the cut is your reading, and if you have any feedback for me once you've gone through it I would love to hear it ♥

I am not someone who "channels" messages, nor do I do readings that would try to determine another person's thoughts or feelings as it's not within my ethical paradigm to do so. I did however take the liberty of framing your request in a way that centered on you and what might help you towards a happy and fulfilling relationship with someone ♥ My questions became: 1. How would C find more safety/security with her anxiety? 2. How might C find a relationship/What is needed for C to find a relationship that is happy and fulfilling? The cards on the left is for 1. The cards on the right is for 2.

My interpretation: 1. Do not set or hold "unbridled" expectations of yourself, being a cautious person is not a bad thing and if you could let go of the worries about being a person who suffers with anxiety, you will be better off for it. Easier said than done, I know! Also examine the structures and protective measures you have built up because of your anxiousness. It is natural that when we are anxious, fearful or nervous that we seek to shelter or protect ourselves. However sometimes we go overboard on these protections, not without justification mind you. Our necessary defenses can become our own imprisonment. They can cut us off from others in such a way that we end up harming ourselves instead. Try to examine where in your life you might have done this, and see if any of those defenses could begin to be dismantled. This would serve you greatly in your living with anxiety. This is not me telling you that you need to get rid of your anxiety all together, as that is not realistic. Merely to look at where you might have overdone it with self-preservation. 2. The cards repeat the message of self-acceptance here in The World. An inner unity is strongly encouraged in this Major Arcana card, as a constant inner conflict makes it difficult to connect with others in a deep way. Anxiety and self-doubt are common in many of us, myself included, but while they do not need to be eradicated (which is very unrealistic to begin with.) they need boundaries. If we allow our fears to run the show then we are never truly living our own lives, merely following along in a way. It is perfectly okay to be anxious, and sometimes we need to simply accept that we are anxious and that's okay. Fighting with it or feeling ashamed of it for example are one-way tickets to misery for sure. Seek to give yourself some grace, seek to give yourself some peace even if you cannot stop being anxious, then allow yourself to BE. Lastly the cards suggest to seek a person who is mature and wise, but whose heart is brave and strong. Their bravery might just encourage your anxiousness to dare a little! ♥ Much Love, Safi

[badedramay]

sorry for the late reply i have been buried in wedding festivities for a cousin! i still need to watch udaari and rehai (shame on me i know lololol) so i don’t have a comparison to work off of unfortunately but ig the closest thing kuch ankahi might have done was having one of the characters rally her reluctant friends to report one of their professors so he could be investigated and removed for sexually harassing multiple women. there was also the main family helping their house maid out by helping her son apply to and attend school and then protecting her from her abusive husband so he could shape up. i think kuch ankahi’s problem was that it tackled good issues but bc it had so many plot threads running it wasn’t necessarily able to delve as much into a deeper reality as some people would have liked. the problems characters faced were absolutely real but some of the solutions were somewhat idealized (in terms of characters coming around to doing the right thing) bc they had to wrap the threads up by the end and there were so many threads to wrap up to begin with

that being said, what i liked about kuch ankahi was its focus on “behavioral” empowerment rather than necessarily empowerment by doing some big specific thing, if that makes sense. the characters did have concrete goals and obstacles but the drama was largely focused on daily living for women. so you had sajal’s character focused on the working woman’s experience (the unrealistic expectations, the judgment from society when you appear too independent, the awkward pressures from your boss, the resignation to doing work you don’t like bc you need the money, etc), mira’s character focused on the married woman’s experience (giving into a long engagement bc your mother feared what people would say if you broke it off, trying to exercise patience and kindness to make the marriage work, realizing those things alone aren’t enough if your spouse truly is not invested in you and you deserve better, taking a stand for yourself to separate so that you don’t have to live in a suffocating environment), and so on and so forth

the drama overall felt cathartic bc it was portraying things that were real to women’s daily experiences and while somewhat idealized was trying to give women the courage and support to take a stand for themselves in their daily lives. so the female characters did make plenty of mistakes but those mistakes were also learning lessons and if you understood how much love the director and writer had for the characters then you recognized they weren’t mistakes meant to make the female characters look stupid. there were a lot of complaints that sajal’s character was stupid for constantly doing her boss’s bidding but for one thing she desperately needed money to help buy out her family home before they were evicted and for another she did learn to navigate her professional life and take a stand for herself where needed. people also immensely criticized mira’s character for being so stupid as to go ahead with a marriage she didn’t want merely bc she didn’t want to upset her mother but for some reason none of these viewers understood there was a purpose to depicting this arc where she would eventually take a stand for herself and separate once she realized a marriage couldn’t be made off of goodwill alone

i don’t hate umeed as a character and find her to be quite endearing despite her immaturity and chaotic nature, but it was so odd to see the same people who were constantly championing her as a win for feminism dunking on the above characters bc they didn’t make the immediately smart and independent decisions. like i mentioned in the last ask, the love for umeed is definitely part of a reactionary response to how much we’re used to seeing utterly subjugated women in a range of dramas, so i get feeling attached to her more take-charge and self serving nature (although to her credit that may be too simplistic a descriptor. she does learn to care for and take account of others eventually). but women like the characters in kuch ankahi do exist in the real world and i’m honestly a bit concerned that people would rather condescend to them for being idiots then sympathize with their situations and support a narrative that encourages them to take a stand for themselves too. esp in a family oriented drama that actively involved the parents in their children’s trials and pushed them to recognize their own mistakes in handling their children’s affairs. for some reason people don’t even have a sense anymore for what counts as depicting sympathetic realism versus what counts as glorification. maybe tere bin skewed everyone’s radars lol

ooh hope you having fun at the wedding festivities! i know they can be tiring and overwhelming for the most part but there's joy to be found in those moments! i too had a very busy weekend..literally ab jaake koi breather mila hai.

my opinion of KA is that it was trying to be too many things at once. like i get the intention of it and for the most part the show had its hands on the realism button. but instead of doing an average job of many things, wouldn't a good job of one thing be better? like with Rehai and Udaari (which is a must watch show btw and I highly highly recommend it! the performances, the story, the sensitivity with which the story was handled, the overall message and ending..it balanced the drama with the optimism and did not fall prey to sensationalizing a highly sensitive topic for the ratings. AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW - THE RATINGS AND POPULARITY STILL CAME!!!) the show was focused on 1-2 related social issues which the Foundation was interested in raising awareness about and all of that was balanced by the love story between Urwa and Farhan so we had that as a respite. at no point the horrors became SO overwhelming ke dekhne ka dil hi na chahe. the heart and mind were working in tandem there when the creators got together to make that show so the criticisms about the areas where the show faltered were not ones about the narrative or the pace but more of a couple of acting choices of the actors (whatever the fuck was the Hocane brother doing there i'd never know..Hum ne apna nepotism ka chaddha nahin chorhna kabhi)

idk what Sajal's arc was in KA as well i paid like 0.1% attention to her but the initial reviews of the show that I did follow complained about Mira's character's cowardness. and I agree with them? like..I also had the same complain ke behan, what was forcing you to be married in a family where there was no respect either for you or your family? her father and siblings had her back. she had an open out which she didn't take for no other reason than Ami ka dil rakhna hai. yeah the character ultimately had the arc of her standing up for herself and the mother also ultimately regretted forcing her daughter in a position that put her through so much misery. the complains were that what Mira's character went through is not a unique alien thing. these stories happen all the time. literally every desi household has such story. zaroori nahin hai ke aap dhaka kha ke hi seekho. dusron ko dhaka kha ke dekh ke bhi aap sambhal sakte ho. those were the complains. the family had a feeling this rishta was off. the family had a feeling the daughter will have to struggle. the show is set in current times, right? it's not DurreShehwar where the times were old and the in-laws portrayed such a promising picture for the daughter's future that the family happily got the daughter married. the red flags were all there. and the narrative was giving the character an out. which she didn't take. yes, a woman's agency and all is great but it's not easy to applause when the agency has her swallow ankhon dekhi makhi only to spit out. jab pata tha ke thookna hi hai toh mooh mein daala kyun? it's these...frustrations of the audiences which didn't have them support that character. because for MANY people, they'd kill to be in her position where the family was ready to support the girl if she chooses to break a potentially toxic rishta. so to watch a character have the option of those choices and still not choose to utilize them..annoyance toh honi hai.

(again, haven't watched KA so if i have missed out on the nuances that's a given. i am just going by what i have gathered the crux of Mira's character is)

I see how the above paragraph is putting me in the same list of people you mentioned who are not sympathetic towards characters that don't make immediately smart and independent decisions. but the thing is, it's 2023. the situations where the characters can gain sympathy for not knowing any better have changed. willingly putting yourself in a relationship where you know there's no love or respect is not the story that needs to be told in 2023. or if it is being told the narrative style and choices have to change (like with Iqbal in Yunhi). yehi kahani decades se chalti arahi hai in dramas and written fiction. same lesson kitni baar dohraya jaega? it's not a surprise that a fatigue has settled in. yeah, a character not making immediate smart decisions in a professional work place IS a new story because our dramas don't show career oriented women. a character actively balancing their personal and professional life IS a new story cuz majority of our characters on TV only have the personal life (which revolves around shaadi) to speak of. a young woman trusting their partner and sending them intimate pictures IS a cautionary tale to be told because these topics are not discussed openly. but jaan boojh ke aisi family mein shaadi karna jahan izzat nahin milne wali? yeh toh koi nayi baat nahin.

when Hayat in Yeh Raha Dil gets scammed by her friends into selling her house in exchange of a ticket to Nepal, that makes sense because Hayat's entire character in that point was such that that decision to be trusting made sense. Sonia's character in Aisi Hai Tanhai sends compromising pictures of her to her fiance which later get leaked, the sympathies are still with her because she was trusting the man she was in love with and whom she was set to marry. the tragedy that later happens becomes a tale of caution for the audiences at home. i am not saying women HAVE to be perfect and they cannot make mistakes. they can. they SHOULD. but the mistakes should have some undeniable logic behind them. warna yeah, they fall in the category of stupidity.

[justyour-averagewriter]

Hello Bridgerton fans (and fellow writers) alike! I need your help.

I would like to and am currently writing a piece (a screenplay if you would like specifics) inspired by Bridgerton. I’m still writing most of it so I only have a little bit of a summary to share at the moment. The only problem is, I am not sure how to even write the piece without feeling like I am copying Bridgerton.

I LOVE Bridgerton and I have no intention of copying it at all, but to rather put my own spin on it. I do NOT want to copy it at all by any means, so that’s where I am asking for your help by giving me any feedback and/or advice and/or ideas you may have.

For some context…

My story follows the main characters Collin Westbrooke, the oldest son and a duke in waiting with his father dying, and Alice Primbury, who has suddenly returned to the town (I haven’t thought of a name yet LOL). However, paralleling Bridgerton, Collin also has many siblings that also have their own stories to share: Benjamin, Thomas, Cordelia, Louise, and Clara (in order of oldest to youngest).

My first cry of help would be how to express the siblings stories without copying Bridgerton. It is not my intention at all, and I know I walk on a fine line by focusing on the siblings too just as Bridgerton does, but I promise you I am trying to put my own spin on it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! (if this blows up I will make a post in depth about all the siblings)

However, Collin does not own up to these duties and instead drinks or sleeps around. With his father’s condition worsening and not expected to live much longer, Lady Ada Westbrooke — a no nonsense and a highly regarded woman — beckons her son to marry and finally start owning up to being a duke.

Meanwhile, Alice Primbury has returned to town in search of a husband. As the youngest Primbury daughter, her mother and newly widowed Lady Rose Primbury, has been waiting on her long enough, as Alice is the only one of her children who has not yet been wed. Alice approaches this with open arms and an open mind but becomes dejected after she discovers that either no one wants her or no one respects her, for how can she have a future with someone if their is no friendship or respect? However, her mother basically calls her expectations unrealistic and gives her until the end of the month to wed or she would find someone for her. On top of this, rumors about Alice begin to circulate around. Why is she back in town? How is she doing now after everything?

Skip to Lady Bernadette’s soíree, and we finally see Collin and Alice cross paths and share a dance with one another, where they both find to share a mutual hatred for one another.

At Lord Jacobson’s ball, Alice discovers Collin’s situation with his father and realizes that he is also in need of a suitor/wife just as she is. As much as she hates him, she decides to strike up a deal with him, as it could benefit the both of them.

This is my next cry for help. In my story, since they’re both in need of suitors, Alice is having no luck in finding one and Lady Westbrooke will not leave Collin alone about the matter, they agree to pretend to be in love and have Collin court her with the hopes of both of them attracting suitors and call of the whole thing once they do (they have until the end of the month to do so). Obviously, this very clearly is heavily inspired by Bridgerton, so any advice on how to not deliberately copy Daphne and Simon’s agreement scene would be very helpful.

Then the story continues with them hating each other as Collin “courts” her — typical enemies to lovers trope falls into place. Collin’s siblings have their stories play out as well. Collin and Alice begin to attract attention and a few potential suitors step forward to gain Alice’s attention. Collin, however, holds off on finding one as he continues to “court” Alice for reasons even unbeknownst to him. Maybe it could be because he’s slowly falling for Alice as they start to bond over art and the stars.

Another cry for help: like in Bridgerton, Daphne gains attention of other potential suitors and I don’t want to do it in the same way, so if there’s anything I could do to not copy it or anything you would like to see then advice would be greatly appreciated. In my story, Alice hasn’t found anyone she has clicked with or found anyone that respects her or her interests, but still.

I’m sorry for skipping around, there’s some gaps I haven’t written in yet.

Then, Lord Anthony Carlisle, an old friend of Lord Michael Jacobson (who is an old friend of Collin’s), arrives into town for “business”.

Next cry for help: I don’t want to copy the Prince from Bridgerton by any means. In my story I’m making Lord Carlisle a writer sent into Alice’s town to discover the real story about her, as she has been quite the talk. However, much like Simon, Collin becomes extremely jealous and I am desperately trying to avoid copying the same things, so if there’s anything you want to see or any advice you can give, that would be great.

After meeting Alice in a wrong-address situation, he has his sights set on her. If he grows close to her then he can get the full story.

That is about as far as I have gotten, but I am planning to make this a television show script (ANOTHER cry for help because Bridgerton is a television show too but I know I can’t fit all of this into one movie 😭). I plan to end the show on a cliffhanger if possible where she will have to choose between either Collin or Anthony at the annual Westbrooke ball. The siblings also face their own trials too, such as in the love department (most of them do LOL), etc.

Any ideas, advice, or even feedback would be amazing. Again, I am not trying to copy Bridgerton by any means, so I figured by posting here and asking for advice I could help work around it and make it seem like I gained inspiration from it instead (I don’t think I’m copying it too much but I don’t want to get cocky, not that I want to copy it but you get the gist) ( the end goal is to NOT copy it, I would never do that intentionally!)

[cxcaineheadache]

Awh jeez okay polyamorous vent here. My new gf (S) has been in a really bad place. It’s right around the time of our birthdays, mine was just the other day and hers is next week. We both get horribly depressed around our birthdays. I play my shit off bc I have feeling like my emotions/experiences are other peoples responsibility and I don’t expect them to do any labor for me on that front. She has been a mess, which I get really. But it’s been super hard to keep up with. Our other gf (M) cannot handle that kind of stuff. She has too much trauma surrounding partners harming themselves and using mental illness/spiraling/whatever you want to call it against her and creating this really bad space where she has to care for them endlessly, like she’s responsible for their well being and keeping them alive. Which I understand both sides. I sat with her (S) and talked for like 4 hours, she was drunk, completely dissociative, we keep going over the same things. I’m trying to tap out, I’m trying to call in our other roommate to help out, they know her a lot better than I do bc they’ve known each other for 10+ years. They’re checked out fucking around w their partner. M is exhausted, I’m exhausted. I’m giving everything I have against my will to make her (S) feel better. She’s laughing a bit and lightened up by the end of it. I feel empty. Me and M went on a date today for my bday, we’d been planning it all week. I’d really wanted some alone time with her bc I feel like majority of our time together is spend mediating the feelings of S. Reassuring her, caring for her, I often tend to feel left out bc not only do I have my own really heavy shit I’m going thru but also I really value alone time with M, we’ve been together a while and she’s my whole world. I feel like I didn’t even get what I wanted, I wanted to talk about other stuff on our date but it ended up w both of us in anguish over the situation w S. Well after last night M is so triggered and exhausted, she just got out of a relationship that was very similar and very abusive, her ex bf is still in our friend group and she still has to deal w him being cold and spiteful and unhinged. She wants to break up w S. I don’t want to be in a relationship w S without M. In fact I’ve found my relationship w S very taxing, many of my needs are not being met, they’re being neglected even because we’re constantly coddling her. I know if we all break up she’s gonna pull the “everyone always leaves me bc I’m sad and I open up to them and it’s too much” but at the same time….your partners are not your therapists and they are not responsible for the entirety of your well being. I try so hard to make sure I’m not being emotionally abusive when I’m having a hard time, it’s a delicate balance, but expecting your partners to have an endless supply of energy and support for you to take and take and take without give is unrealistic and hurtful. I don’t blame M for wanting to break up with S…..I’m too much of a coward to advocate for myself. I’m afraid. I live with S and M may as well live with us too. It’s gonna create so much tension around the house. It’s my house at the end of the day and naturally no one is unwelcome but fuck I just want some peace within my own home. This is such a mess and idk what to dooooo

[karahalloway]

Kara Halloway - Summer Posting Schedule

Hi Everyone!

Hope you’re all doing well! And enjoying the warm summer sunshine - I know it was late getting started where we live!

Just wanted to let you know that the next 1-2 months will be quite busy - we have family visiting us for the first time since Covid hit, a slew of summer activities and events that we will be attending, and full time work on top of that, so my schedule is looking quite full over July and August.

I will try to write when I can, but with so much going on, I have no idea how much time I will actually get to progress my fics, and I don’t want to put undue pressure on myself... or raise your expectations unrealistically. I also have a bunch of amazing fics from other writers that I need to catch up on, so I want to devote a bit more time to reading as well.

That said, I have started Chapter 14 of (Less Than) Noble Intentions quite unintentially (lol - see what I did there? 😁) while I was trying to finish up Chapter 13 (which was getting much too long already, so I cut the additional 2,000 words that I had spewed onto the page and moved it into the next chapter) so I am hoping that I will be able to post this at some point in the coming weeks (I am not planning for it to be a super long chapter... she said, after originally thinking the same for Chapter 13, only to end up at over 10k words 😅).

I am also hoping to pick up Sleepless in New York in the background after I finish Chapter 14 of Intentions, or maybe in the second half of August once things settle back down again a bit around here because I know that Intentions has kind of taken over my life these past 6 months or so, and I’ve seriously neglected this over fic that I know many of you are keen to continue reading.

Other mini-projects that I am hoping to progress during the summer when I do not necessarily have sufficient time / headspace for writing are:

Putting together a playlist for (Less Than) Noble Intentions and Sleepless in New York, like I did for (Un)Common Attraction previously

Creating a few more character profiles for upcoming characters in Intentions

Creating a few more location postcards for Intentions because we’re about to go jet setting and I miss travelling!

I am also thinking of revamping / reorganising my masterlist (we’ll see how motivated I am lol)

I may put out a tag list clean up post at some point as well because I know that since lockdowns have lifted, many of us no longer have the same amount of time as we used to read/reblog/interact, and I don’t want to fill up your inboxes with posts if you no longer wish to receive these

In the meantime, I wish you all a happy and safe summer! I am also available anytime on PM if you’d like to message me to just chat, nag me about updates, or anything else!

Permatags (let me know if you want to be added):

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(Less Than) Noble Intentions only (let me know if you want to be added!)

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[dilucslittleangel]

𝐀 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐈𝐥 𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞

Hello!! Usually I wanted to write this same thing with Scaramouche until unfortunately his canon past came out and I had to delete the whole thing- so now, while Dottore will sure take some time to appear in the game, I'm taking my chance to write how I think his past maybe looked like.

Some sentences towards the end have been taken off his artifact!

Word count: 1584

I'd like to say this may or may not fit into canon!! (however I wouldn't mind if this became canon)

So. Where to we begin?

I like to think Dottore had a golden child syndrome from a young age.

Most parents want to see their children thrive and flourish. In fact, the desire to see your child succeed is a normal desire of parenting. Moreover, even good parents sometimes have unrealistic expectations for their children.

But good child syndrome can happen when a child consistently reinforces their parent’s desires for them. These children don’t just want to satisfy their parents- they feel obligated and responsible for doing so. It becomes a significant part of their identity, meaning it affects their overall development. Either one or two of the parent role, are naracisstic.

A healthy child usually wants to succeed and make their parents proud. Golden children take it up a few notches. They may present as anxious children early in life. Similarly, they experience immense anxiety and guilt when they fail to meet certain expectations.

Despite how a golden child syndrome usually develops in a child, it was a little different in this case.

Dottore's father did not give him lots of attention at all. Just like the insane, crazy doctor / scientist he is himself now, so was his father. His father was a mad man, a man who's experiments are more important to him than his own family.

The young boy often watched his father, watching experiments a young boy like him should not see. All his father's attention went to the experiments, did he have to do the same?

The young lad did various of things, but they all were helpless. Nothing made his father even look at him, heck not even at the dinner table they talked. However he didn't want to stop trying. He had to keep on going, so he thought.

His mother? Dottore was just 7 years old when his mother started to feel worse and worse everyday. So worse even she had no other choice but to rest in bed, having a doctor visit every week as her husband was no doctor, just a scientist who couldn't care less. Why did they even marry?

Dottore brought his mother meals every day - at least whenever a helpful aunt came over. Dottore pretty much looked up to the doctor that came over every week. Did he also become so clever and brilliant to maybe help his mother? He sure thought so.

Day and night the young boy spend hours of looking into medical books, learning anything he possibly could. Often would he fall asleep on the ground, all exhausted from studying. He wanted to help his mother.

Besides studying medical stuff and trying to do anything that would make his father give any attention, he'd also spend other day and nights to get the best of grades, always did he bring good ones home. Never would you see anything below 95 points. Dottore didn't even think about having friends, they only were in his way and annoying. He had no time for friends, he only had himself.

Everytime he brought good grades home, he would bring the paper to his mother. She was more than proud of him. „One day you'll be such a handsome man, helping out so many people.. You make your mother really proud..”the sweet voice spoke. He couldn't let his mothers expactions down now could he?

More and more years have passed. Years of studying, years of writing good grades, years of wanting his father to also be proud of him. Dottore was under a pressure of making his parents be nothing, he didn't want to be a good-for-nothing, - a pressure he put himself under. He just wanted to mean something to both of his parents. He wanted to be worth living. Something cracked in the mind of his.

One day, the boy came home in the cold times of the years but he had great news, he scored the best once more in a big test, wanting to share the great news to his mother. He hadn't seen his mother since yesterday, he was happy to see his mother again. „Mother! Mother! Look!”he said proudly as he ran upstairs, he didn't even put his backpack down. „..Mother?”he asked as he entered the room. He walked over to the bed and looked at his mother. Her eyes were closed, chest not rising nor sleeping. „...?” he gently shook his mother, having his hand on the mother's arm, he felt the coldness. The heater was on, how could she get so cold? It got him worried.

„Mother??”he asked loudly, keeping on shaking her till he heard it knock on the door. He put his test paper on the bed and walked downstairs. He opened the door, looking at who was knocking. It was the doctor, wanting to check on the mother as always. „Uhm Doctor.. I don't think mother is feeling well.... She's quiet and so cold..” he spoke. The doctor looked at him. „..?..”the doctor quickly walked upstairs, of course did the boy walk after him. Dottore stood at the door frame, watching the man.

The doctor stood there silently for a few seconds, shrugging a bit together as he suddenly left the room, walking downstairs. „Where's your father kid??” he asked. „I..don't know. He was suddenly gone one day 2 years ago or so..”he answered. „..what?? Then where's your aunt, let me call her, boy.”

Dottore didn't quite understand what was going on but he knew nothing good happen. He looked back at his mother. He walked up to her, climbing onto the bed and hugging his beloved mother. He brushed away the long dark blue hair. Silently, he sank his head on the mothers chest, closing those pure red eyes. He widened his eyes a little as he heard no heartbeat. „...Mother..”. What a shame, he was just supposed to turn 14 in a few days.

Many many more years have passed. While he grew up along his aunt, Dottore had not given up what he did before. Now he had to make his aunt all proud, now that he's the oh so poor failure that couldn't save his mother hm? At least he thought that way, again.

Now being proud 20 years, living on his own in a old lab, doing various of experiments no one would like to recall. He'd just become the madman his father once was. The word "failure" does not exist for him. He cannot be a failure once more, after all.. He's such a big genius. How could a hardworking child with a great smile go to a madman with a short temper who's plans cannot go wrong?

So judgemental the god of his homeland Fontaine, so the people. Fontaine's people were disgusted of the man, afraid of him, they wanted him gone.

Chased away with pitchforks, clubs and angry words, he took fled to the all famous Sumeru Academia where he continued his crazy studies and experiments. He had so many logical theories, yet no one wanted to hear them. One would not even like to look at him. He truly was sick of everyone, of everything.

Years later again, once more the man took fled. Next day awoken, the social reject's legs have given up. Falling into the sand, with a little lake aside, he took a look at his reflection. Half of his face had gotten burn scars, had the man's charm left his side too? Hand covering half the man's face, he remembered it all.

A night of a harmless experiment with potions and fire had kept the man awake. Yet, the man had been tired. Sitting at the table, where he rest his head on his palm, the man closed his eyes. Dottore silently listened to the liquid heating up under the hottest flames. Maybe him closing his eyes was a terrible mistake which he soon got to suffer for.

The liquid had been heated up too much, the man should've turned off the fire by now but he soon was about to reach the beautiful dream realm. Glass exploding and hot liquid splashing against half his face awoke the man. Quickly the man stood up and pressed the towel against his face, sharp breaths escaping, silent cries filling the room, free hand turning off the fire.

How foolish of him, hm?

The man shook his head and closed his eyes. A grip on his shoulder made the man turn around. „..Fatui?”

"Merely an enhanced human? If your great nation can furnish me with sufficient resources and ample time, I could even manufacture that which you would call a god. What say you?"

True indeed. First of the fatui has tracked him down. In the desert that shone bright like liquid gold, he inquired of the Snezhnayan diplomat:

"Will you treat me like the Academia did? Will you call me a monster, a madman?"

"Or will you treat me as my hometown did, and chase me away with pitchforks and clubs...?"

...

"Good. Then, we are now in partnership."

"As for the matter of your title — what do you say to this..."

Taken completely by surprise by the sheer irony of the title he was given, the young man burst into hysterical laughter.

If you'd know ask the man about his theories and experiments, shall you see a sparkle of excitement...

...

(Drawing of Dottore in the age of four. From right to left -> "Daddy" "That's me!" "Mommy")