#Sexy german architecture

[the-heaminator]

what's been your favourite thing about your holiday? 🇩🇪

I haven't died of heat exhaustion, I went to a bunch of museums that omg THE FUCKING ARCHITECTURE.

I now have beef with the german transport service now too, o have beed with London bc I live there, I have beef with dehli amritsar and especially jammu and kashmir for India, and now I have beef with Munich specifically.

[marimayscarlett]

Hi hallo 👋

Please please please!!! Gush about Vampire!Richard!!! That new photo we got on Sunday was so incredibly sexy and I love hearing your thoughts about Richard!!

Thank yooouuuu ❤️❤️

Hi 👋🏼 (writing prompts incoming I'll never use since well. I'm not a writer yet I have too much imagination for my own good)

Thanks a lot for this ask! A while ago, I got a similar one which got lost on the way into my drafts, so I'm glad I get a second chance to delve into my made up lore for my beloved elderly vampire lord 🦇 So very subjective and personal imaginary facts about vampire!Richard incoming:

Vampire!Richard is an everlasting part of my obsession over him, and 'I'm still alive' really changed my brain chemistry further more in that regard - before it was mostly Völkerball!vampire!Richard, who ruled over my darkest fantasies, drawing me ever deeper into his spell:

In this version, he is in my mind a slightly arrogant but so charming, self-assured young vampire, recklessly spirited and hardly containable, propelled by success, hungry for more - and he fundamentally sees mostly the positive aspects in his immortal existence, which he savors to the fullest extent.

However, at times he falls into melancholic phases, reminiscing about his mortal life and pondering what might have become of him had he not fallen into the clutches of eternal existence.

And yet, I have to admit, with the release of “I'm still alive”, my attention was definitely turned to the senior vampire lord, who immediately captivated me.

Here, Richard strikes me as an educated and worldly gentleman who has a sense of restlessness about him. He appears to have a great demeanor, is confident in himself and knows how charmingly he has to approach people to get what he wants, and yet he carries a certain melancholy with him, some thoughts and memories never seem to quite leave him and which hint at a troubled past. Although he is no longer subconsciously searching for the ultimate sense of immortal life like the young vampire!Richard, he still doesn't seem to be entirely at peace with his past and himself.

Since my brain won't shut up and I had wonderful support by @dandysnob in the quest of working out some thoughts on a background story for elderly vampire lord!Richard a possible origin story for him - of course based entirely subjective on our fantasies around the topic of vampires in general and Richard in this role speficically:

He was born in the late Middle Ages/early Renaissance (around the late fifteenth century) into a fairly well-off, but not overly wealthy family in the northern region of the Holy Roman Empire of the German Nation - so he had a good start in life, but had to make something of himself to succeed in life.

His ambitious and inquisitive character enabled him to make a name for himself as an intelligent and knowledgable scholar, particularly in the field of art, rare artifacts and, to a certain extent, music research (music was part of the 'septen artes liberales', a canon of seven subjects of study which was very important during which were very important in antiquity and the Middle Ages).

On one of his travels, which led him to the region of Transylvania in Romania due to research on architecture and paintings, something happened that would change Richard's life forever - something he wouldn't have expected at the age of about 50. On the way back from a day trip to the Prejmer fortified church (Church Fortified by Tartlau), his carriage was ambushed on the road through the forest - Richard himself doesn't know exactly what happened, but he woke up after what seemed like a long period of unconsciousness and hasn't been the same since. The changes were gradual - daylight began to blind him unbearably, he became more irritable, had an unbearable hunger, suddenly much sharper senses, and an inexplicable desire to go for the jugular of his fellow human beings.

The following years and decades were difficult for Richard. He distanced himself more and more from his fellow beings and began, through research, to slowly but surely discover what had happened to him. Humanity had less and less space in his life; the vampiric nature gave him a feeling of omnipotence and a hunger that made him completely ruthless towards human life. He deliberately embarked on many journeys to conceal the fact that he no longer aged and to disguise his consumption of humans as a source of sustenance. Changing names became commonplace, and at every university where he began as a scholar, he provided a new name. Thus, he traveled extensively throughout the world, learning more and more about the dark hidden world. Despite the immortality and invulnerability he now enjoyed, Richard was internally torn - on one hand, he managed to keep his private escapades under covers and presented himself outwardly as a distinguished scholar; on the other hand, he missed human life with its true emotions and loved ones deeply.

In the 19th century, he arrived in Victorian London and found his way into high society, moving in similar circles to Lord Byron and his companions. He had always sworn two things to himself: firstly, never to let serious feelings for anyone else arise, as it simply did not fit his lifestyle, and secondly, never to seek victims whose deaths would arouse suspicion - so no woman from the nobility or a similar standing. Until one day, he fell in love with a young woman who was just as enamored with ancient objects, art, and music as he was. Even though he knew this could have no future, he could not resist and courted her, with great success - until one night (she knew of his dark secret and yet loved him deeply) he lost control and accidentally weakened his beloved so much with his thirst for blood that she died in his arms. In her final breaths, she appealed to his humanity, urging him to see that life offers so much if only he allows it.

This experience tore him apart internally, yet it also gave him back the willpower he had lacked for over 300 years. Once again, he swore to leave behind the matter of feelings and emotional relationships, and to exercise more caution, moderation, and compassion - as much as possible as a vampire. After the experience in London with his beloved, he naturally had to leave that place and became restless once again. After further travels, he eventually landed in 21st century New York, where the cultural sector thrived with museums, theaters, film, and music, alongside a flourishing supernatural underworld. Outwardly, he was a successful art dealer, a generous patron of musicians and opera houses, and an expert for museums; secretly, he quickly became known as the most influential and powerful vampire in the city, one best not crossed - a rise akin to Scarface, yet far more sophisticated.

Here we are now - an accomplished man with a successful career, centuries of experience behind him, yet he's filled with melancholy, partial bitterness, constantly struggling with his fate. Whether he will ever find complete fulfillment and happiness again...

a possible continuation can be found in the second part.

[froggi-mushroom]

SEXY GERMAN ARCHITECTURE FROGI LOOK

Rococo decor is my favourite thing on earth, why don’t rich people make ridiculously opulent houses anymore?

[blackgirllovesdramas]

Fahlanruk (2022, Thai BL Drama)

Fahlan is the hot tennis player and economics student. Sherbet is the sexy tortured musican and architecture student. (Something about that college or architecture) it was lust at first sight that led to sex, to a friends with beneifits situation for the two ultimate players at the university. Since both are so anti dating one person, trust issues ENSUE! Sherbet has a close friend Prince who is pushing Sher to overcome his issues. This close relationship causes a lot of misunderstandings from Fah and from the true love of Prince’s life, Gear. Ping and Tap are Fahlan close friends. They try to help Fahlan in his relationship with Sher and their own love story blooms. There are a lot of moving parts to this.

Look, I consume content because I like it, but this one was hard to get through. The main two leads are not so unlikeable characters I was so put off. Sher is always lashing out in a physically violent way that was in no way germane to the story or plot. Get mad hit, get sad hit. Followed by a lot of drinking. All these kids need therapy and a detox center because Jesus! I mean I partied with the best of em college but it was a wonder they ever made it to class. Fah and Sher’s issues all come from a lack of communication, so much so it was at times painful to watch. Same with Ping and Tap, just open your mouth and talk damn it! Prince and Gear are so cute, I wish there would have been more time to explore their story. Tar was so sad looking after Pink! Also I like Pink’s portrayal in the series, she is such a good wingwoman!

The writers never knew what they wanted to convey unless they were just looking for an uhinged university sex story, that’s what we got. Moments to build on characters and backstories were squandered. All around let down, but one thing my momma didn’t do was raise a quitter, so I finished the story. I will probably not revisit this anytime soon, not even for Pink. 2/10.

Watch at your own risk. Cute cast tho! Music slaps, it is in the rotation.

[lafiametta]

Hi again! (I’m the anon that asked about the tattoos. Thank you for taking your time to answer btw!! I absolutely loved your response 💗💗 I think you’re making me love Olek and Ling Yi even more lol.

After reading your response, it got me thinking about some other completely unrelated Modern AU stuff. Like, if they were in university what majors would they pick? (Also this is kinda me being so self indulgent but I can totally see Olek going to the uni library and seeing Ling Yi and then being completely enamored by her the whole time and when Ling Yi feels his stare she turns his way and he immediately looks down in embarrassment and realizes he’s gotten none of his homework done even after sitting there for so long 😭😭) And for Halloween what would their couples costume be? Not sure if you answered this before, but is Olek the early bird or is it Ling Yi (Modern AU) Or is one the night owl? And what do they do for each other when one is stressed?

Sorry if I went overboard with the questions again 😭 And thank you for all your responses and taking the time to write such well written prompts !!! Please stop fueling my love for them!! ☹️ (Sarcasm. Please continue to do so hehe)

Thank you, Anon! I think the uncaged bird tattoo would be such a cool choice for Ling Yi (and at least it's not one of an earth symbol/triangle just behind her ear, yikes!).

And, oh, I love the idea of Olek and Ling Yi meeting in a university library! (It's that immediate attraction, despite them being strangers, that gets me.) As for majors, I can see Ling Yi having a more artistic one, maybe in dance or theatre, but if she's studying in the library a lot, then it could also be something like psychology, which I think she would be really into. Olek is majoring in something super-practical, like engineering, although a part of him wishes he could switch into something like architecture or design. (He definitely has some leanings into the humanities; he's taken some classes in German and history.)

Ling Yi really enjoys planning the Halloween costumes: last year it was astronaut and sexy alien (Olek got the glittery green face paint) and this year they're going as Gomez and Morticia Addams.

They're not really night owls, but they do definitely enjoy sleeping in. (Although Ling Yi does tend to wake up a little earlier; sometimes she's been known to use that time to make Olek breakfast in bed.)

When Olek is stressed, he's not always the best company, so Ling Yi tries to give him his space for a while (although she has been known to stop by his apartment just to drop off a double cappuccino and a warm blueberry muffin). When Ling Yi is stressed, mostly she just wants to talk it out, which Olek is happy to do. (More often than not, it involves sitting on the couch while he rubs her feet — Olek gives excellent foot massages!)

[bremenlang]

I think there is a German slur word that explains this. https://youtu.be/I46oYy75Fs8 #artistsoninstagram #architecture #sexy #german #bremen #square #head #barenakedladies #cuteart #turningheads #anatomy #perspective #smile #flattering #abstractart #bighat #drawings #girl #getfit (at Regina, Saskatchewan) https://www.instagram.com/p/CGhx2BfFmwc/?igshid=zsw8rgltooc0

[bt45luxurykitchens]

💥💥💥 @bt45_luxury_kitchens The kitchen of the future at @kbis_official in Las Vegas next week! #modern #modernkitchen #kitchenofthefuture #luxury #luxurylifestyle #luxurykitchen #style #bestdesign #italian #german #sexy #marble #walnut #superstar #best #interiordesign #architecture #kbis2019 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt1pxQLFwLu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1bwc1rh276j7n

[fleurlibelle]

Peaches & Cream 🎧 & The Next Episode🎧

Meet Luca Azuka Asinobi @geeky-simz for ma guurl. ❤️ Hope you love our new boi! 

“I manifest reality”

Luca is moving from Germany with his parents to Del Sol. His father is a well-known Architect and has a new job in the city. After high-school, Luca wants to major in Art and Architecture at a renowned college. 

He is aware that growing up in a picture-perfect loving home with money is not something you take for granted. 

His roots are from Germany and Nigeria. Sure he is a smart-ass, witty and a fun dude. At first, most will think he's cocky and arrogant but he is just confident with a golden heart beneath. He values the worth of money and knows how to appreciate it. On top he is very well-educated, knows tons of stuff about pretty much every genre. Luca is a true clever smart-ass and walking encyclopedia! Highly intelligent and usually the best in his class or you can say your "Mister Knows it All."

Literally, a very cool dude, and everyone wants to be his friend. That's what happens once they get to know him but at first, he comes off a bit arrogant, cocky or sassy whatever you want to call it? He owns it. Actually, he is very mature for his age.

Luca doesn’t play games, nor has he interest in such things. In his eyes it's childish but if someone believes they would be able to use him? Be aware you better step up the game. 

Because once he starts to play, he will outplay you and you’re gonna lose. Fact is, Luca is less a talker but a great observer and someone who prefers to be the lead. 

He is amazing at showcasing surface traits, yet he still runs deep because he is emotionally intelligent.

I do adore hiiiim! He is so fucklicious and left me several times breathless❤️❤️❤️ Babe is so fly...🥺

Additional Must-Know Thingies are under cut!

BASICS

Age: 18 | Gemini Height: 6.1 Nationality: German/Nigerian Orientation: bisexual

Parents: Mother: “Lina Asinobi” German | Father: “Chris Okoro Asinobi” Nigerian Raised Hometown: Windenburg Profession: High School

PERSONALITY

Traits: Self-confident, Bro, Playful Dreams: To become a creative successful Architect  Communication: Comes across as cocky, smart-ass and arrogant at first. Once you crack his nutshell everyone wants to be friends with him. Strength: Smart, Passionate, Quick-Witted, Generous, Energetic and Dynamic. A  chameleon. Doesn’t stuck in the past. He’s proud of his sexuality. Loves the love and celebrates it, but once he has chosen his partner, he is incredibly loyal and steady. Never bored. He can keep his own company. Communication Expert. Unstoppable when he is creative, he can move, motivate and inspire people. You can’t fool or play with him, he will see through your motives. Weakness: Due to his deep emotional side he needs someone who cares and feeds him emotionally. He can stir up gossip just to keep things spicy. Fashion-Taste: Mostly casual laid back and but he also loves to dress up elegant and classy, still modern tho!

LOVES

Books

Basketball and Gym

Party

Art (Painting is one of his main passions next to Basketball)

A good conversation about  pretty much anything

Good Humor is sexy to him

adores 90′s R’n’B and Old School Hip Hop like 2PAC, Wutang Clan, Dr. Dre, Eazy-E, Run DMC, etc.

Salad & Water

green and blue are his favorite colors.

Sex & Life

DISLIKES

Betrayal

Small-minded People

Intolerance, whatsoever

Alcohol and Drugs

Some extra facts about his name and roots: His mom is German and Luca is a very popular name in the German-speaking area. The root of Luca is the Latin word “LUX”, meaning light. Though some believe the name comes from the Greek Loukas, meaning "man who comes from Lucania." Either way, his mum views him as her Light of life. So, Luca rocks for sure! 

His father is originally from Nigeria and he belongs to the tribe of “Igbo”. Hence why his name has following meaning: 

Last Name: Asinobi =  A + si + na + obi = From the heart Luca’s Middle Name: Azuka | azu = Confidence/ Well experienced/ Confidence built from past experiences Chris’s Middle Name:  Okoro = O + Koro = Strong man

Hope you love him BBY!😊

Private Download

[docholligay]

The Time Traveler’s Bullshit

@katrani comissioned me to write out my full review of The Time Traverler’s Wife, my most hated book of the year thus far, and I feel like it won’t be dethroned. nearly 3,000 words and I skipped a whole section I was going to write about, ENJOY

Three dollars and ninety nine cents will buy you a Big Mac. It will buy you four hours of downtown parking in my city. Three dollars and ninety-nine cents will buy you a latte made with burnt coffee at Starbucks. For Three dollars and ninety-nine cents, I can get a can of terrible beer and have a dollar left over for tip. All of which would have been a better choice than what I ultimately spent that three dollars and ninety-nine cents on, which was this book. 

I am careful to read hyped books out of their time, so that I’m not influenced by something that has been so lauded no book could ever hope to reach those heights. So when this first came around, and I saw many women talking about how much they had loved it, I figured I would just read it later. I buy books used, so this is generally what I do even outside of worrying about being affected. 

I finally picked this book up after a reader of mine told me it reminded them of my writing. 

After reading it, several years after all the hype, I have one question: Are women who fuck men okay? 

(“Why not just straight women, Doc?” you may rightly ask me, and I, unfortunately, am forced to answer that I know a number of bisexual women who also enjoyed this book, leading me to believe that the trouble is far worse than previously imagined.)

I found this book to be borderline insulting, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have claimed this book was written by a man. The entire way through I felt the constant assault of the idea that this reminded someone of ME. What have I been doing wrong all my life, I asked? I should probably give up writing. 

Let’s go into the book itself!

The core of the novel hinges around the idea that Henry goes through time without wanting to and with no consious conrol, and so in a sense lives his life out of order. This is a fascinating idea but for the fact that book’s main hinge is the relationship between Clare and Henry. 

Who Henry meets, as an adult out of time, when she is six. 

And proceeds to groom her to be his wife someday. 

Oh, it isn’t put that way, of course, it’s simply that they end up married and so, I suppose the author might say, it’s only natural that Henry interact with her when he comes the “the Meadow” nearby where she lives. But this sort of “things are already decided” that the author is extremely fond of does not remove this intensely squicky framework from their relationship. Henry begins with Clare when she is six years old, and it comes on VERY fast that they are supposed to get married. She is at a sleepover, still as a literal child, ELEVEN YEARS OLD, when the Ouija board spells out his name as the boy who likes her. 

The book takes pains to describe how he won;t have sex with her until she’s 18, but how difficult it is for a thirties to forties man not to have sex with her when she’s 15, 16, 17. I want to say there might be a part where he describes it when she’s 14, but I can’t find it in the book right now, so we’ll pretend it’s not there. “But they’re married in the furute!” one might say, listen if my wife had to resist having sex with sixteen year old me, and didn’t see me as a fucking child, I would think she was gross. It’s gross for a thirty-something to forty -something dde to struggle not to fuck a teenager, period, end of story. 

All of this is wrapped in the book’s idea that this is romantic, instead of the idea that Clare’s “date with destiny” is tragic. She doesn’t ever have a boyfriend, because she is “waiting for Henry”. She sleeps with one of Henry’s friends before he and Clare ever officially “meet” and bursts into tears because she feels as if she has been unfaithful. Meanwhile, Henry is out having girlfriends like no one’s business, and “Well Doc he doesn’t know” why is Clare the one who has to bear this arranged marriage? 

Clare herself even alludes to the way she’s being groomed to be the woman he wants in a way that I DO NOT THINK the author intended, as the author is desperately wrapped up in the idea that this is sexy and romantic and not deeply fucking unsettling. 

Pretentious-ass Henry is dropping German into a casual conversation with a thirteen year old so that you know he is learned and cool, and explain that it’s from Rilke, one of their (note: Not your, but OUR) favorite poets. 

Clare responds: “You’re doing it again!” 

“What?” 

“Telling me what I like.” Clare burrows into my lap with her feet. Without thinking I put my feet on her shoulders, but then that seems too sexual, somehow, and I quickly take Clare’s feet in my hands again and hold them together with one hand in the air as she lies on her back, innocent and angelic with her hair spread nimbus-like around her on the blanket. (Sidebar: I can only fucking imagine that the sort of people that are into this are the sort of people who think nothing at the idea of some Victorian gentleman marrying his attractive young ward, as apparently there’s no problem with having seen someone as a child and then having them marry you! It’s not deeply fucked up at all!)  …..

“Henry?” 

“Yes?”

“You are making me different.” 

“I know.” 

These brief asides are meant to make us feel that Henry has done enough to assuage his guilt, that we are meant to forget that what he is doing is wrong. The book goes so far as to have sixteen year old Clare be the aggressor with a 37 or so year old Henry, as a way of trying to tell us, “Oh look none of this can be Henry’s fault” and an absolutely cringeworthy section where Henry goes and beats up a kid who took Clare on a date and proceeded to assault her. (She dates him to prove she’s not a dyke wow what a great book and thank you for reminding us that Clare never wants to see anyone else for her own sake even as a teenager, very healthy)

All of which would make me a hell of a lot more mad if I managed to like Clare even a little bit. But it’s not at all surprising that I don't--Clare is hardly a character in this story so much as she’s a cardboard cutout that exists for Henry. 

Each of her desires and thoughts revolves around him, from the time she’s a child, save for minor pouting incidents when Henry either won’t tell her something, or disagrees with her. But she always caves, but for the exception of having a child, another horrible thing we’re meant to feel sorry for them in, but I, at least, never really do, as they know the problem, they know how horribly Henry’s life has been affected, and yet they persevere. I find myself asking why in the fuck they don’t use donor sperm, but I suppose that would not fulfill Clare’s real use as being Henry’s vessel. It might have been very touching to write about their experience of infertility if they were likeable at all, or the chapters were anything but flat and emotionless despite dealing with really high-emotion topics. It’s essentially Clare saying “I want a baby inside me” and having a series of miscarriages. I’ve read more compelling narratives on online message boards. 

Not to mention when Henry suggests adopting and Clare says “That would be pretending” bitch fuck ALL THE WAY OFF. I repeat: WE ARE MEANT TO LIKE THIS CHARACTER. NOTHING ABOUT HER IS SHOWN AS A NEGATIVE. 

A fair amount of time in the book is spent describing how hot Clare is, and it’s a bit cringey to read about a super hot redhead with great tits and also rich, who’s a visual artist, and then flip to the back and see a redheaded visual artist as the author. It’s not that I don’t believe that authors are ever allowed to find themselves in a character, quite the contrary, but one hopes that there would be a level of detachment or at least plausible deniability. But no, Clare is nothing but wish fulfillment for the author, but unfortunately cannot fulfill any of ours. I get the sense that these characters are far more complex and layered in Niffenegger’s head, but they fall completely flat on the page, sketches of annoying human beings. 

Clare seems to have been raised in an Austen novel, where the home is noted for its architecture and we ‘dress for dinner’ which could be intensely compelling if they ever went anywhere with it. But we don’t. Because of course Clare’s raising in a straightlaced, extremely wealthy family has no affect on her and she is a very cool girl who is laid back and likes the right music and poetry. (Sidebar: The name dropping in this novel is SO TIRESOME. Every band, artist, poet, etc has to be named and identified so your are aware of how absolutely well-read and smart and cool Niffenegger is) 

The we’re meant to feel for Henry when her family finds out that he is half-Jewish which I suppose is meant to be shocking when he doesn’t practice or isn’t different in any marked way from her family? The character has no Jewishness in him but as a side note and dare I say for shock value. Her family isn’t even written as believably against the union, as no one can resist super cool hipster protag Henry DeTamble (Even his name sounds INSUFFERABLE) 

The problem, of course, is that the very wealthy can buy their way out of many problems, meaning that an author has to have a particular deftness of hand in order to make you feel something for them. This is not that author. Any sympathy one might have for Clare goes immediately out the window when she’s complaining about having only a small room for a studio in which to create, while she���s living off the INTEREST from her trust fund, and hiring a cleaning service because neither of them is willing to vacuum. Not her trust fund. The INTEREST from her trust fund, which means there must be so much fucking money in there we all want to scream. 

Of course, Henry goes into the future and wins the lottery so they can give her a new studio, I shit you not this is a thing that happens in a novel where we are supposedly meant to identify with the characters and feel for them. They buy a nice house with a separate studio in the backyard, not even in the house, just a large brick edifice where Clare can do whatever she wants because these people don’t have consequences until Henry’s death, and by the time he dies, we’re all thanking God that at least there’s one thing they can’t weasel out of. The book has the audacity to have them, later, describe having a private box as one of their “little indulgences” friends a private box is the realm of $1,800 dollars for ONE showing of an opera, and while I am a believer in the good of occasionally saving up to do something that is an experience, there is no way I would describe that as an ‘indulgence” but these people have such wealth that they never need worry about anything at all, except the central point, which is that Henry drifts in and out of time and we would like to sentence a child to that. 

Henry himself is a collection of traits rather than a person--it is so important to the author that we know he is a real punk with great musical taste, that he knows German and poetry and Chicago--it’s all rather a laundry list of the long-haired, tall, punkish but very classically learned boyfriend Niffenegger would like to have rather than someone who has a heart or a mind.  But the luck of it all is that she clearly cares about henry far more than she does Clare, and so he gets a bit of fleshing out with a tragic anime backstory and all that, and from time to time we see bursts of real humanity in his character. 

Their love, even if it were not burdened by the exceptional trouble of CLARE BEING GROOMED AS A CHILD, has the weight of air. Henry is a womanizer with a drug problem, but then he meets Clare, hot rich redhead who proves she’s known him her whole life, and suddenly the magic swelling violins are in the background, love has found its day, and no more is ever said about it.The book refuses to get anywhere deep into how they feel about things and why, it is only glancing blows that seem to suggest an emotion rather than allowing ourselves to get into their minds.  

The bulk of the description of their love is sex. Sex sex sex. I get it, they are hot for each other, I am trying very hard to get over the fact that they are married when Clare is 22 and Henry is thirty, but you’re giving me nothing to pin their relationship on but the fact that they enjoy railing each other and Henry has been around since Clare was a child. I don’t understand the why of their relationship even once, it all seems so accidental, and I wanted there to be a lesson, or something to be said about humanity and relationships, but I found nothing save for maybe the idea that women are fully engrossed in their relationships and men basically luck into them and then drop out from time to time? But even that is far far deeper than I think the novel deserves credit for. 

The side characters are somehow worse, mainly racist stereotypes or one note characters who ALSO exist to have their lives enhanced by the protagonists. Even their friends only exist so that Gomez can have the hots for Clare for years, because Everyone Wants To Bone Clare. 

The writing itself is terrible too, written in the style of a script, almost, rapidly shifting between first person narratives in a matter of one or two paragraphs, often, helpfully telling who is talking by, I shit you not, putting “CLARE:” or “HENRY:” before the paragraphs, so we can enjoy who it is that is navel gazing and picking over the conversation without saying anything really, save for how badly Henry wants to fuck his super hot wife, who may or may not currently be a teenager, and how desperately Clare loves him, and has loved him since she was a child, for reasons that remain unclear. 

It’s padded out and ridiculous and reads like some of the drafts when I am being a complete garbage pile, and thank you to the person online who had already typed this out so I didn’t have to:

Henry:

Clare is wearing a wine-colored velvet dress and pearls. She looks like a Botticelli by way of John Graham: huge gray eyes, long nose, tiny delicate mouth like a geisha. She has long red hair that covers her shoulders and falls to the middle of her back. Clare is so pale she looks like a waxwork in the candlelight. I thrust the roses at her. "For you."

Please try to read that with a straight face and get back to me, i could not manage it, and it was early on the book, and this sort of thing goes on for pages, if you don’t like hearing about how pale Clare is, and that she has red hair, her two most dominating character traits, you are in for a very, very rough time. 

The narrative voice of the characters is identical. I mean, I suppose I should thank whatever god is responsible for this clusterfuck for the CLARE and HENRY bits because otherwise I would have no clue who was talking from moment to moment. Does NIffenegger think all people think alike? That their internal monologues are the same? It seems to me she must because I can’t figure any other way that one could write two characters and have them, even when their opinions differ, sound like the exact same person. 

I did enjoy the letter at the end of this story--and this is where I saw where my reader connected me to this book--it almost seems as if it was written for a different novel, a novel about a doomed love between two people that truly loved each other and had rich inner lives. It’s beautiful, or it would be totally removed from this novel. 

This review has, in itself, gotten to be as rambling and listing as the novel, and so I will let it rest here. I read incredibly fast. This took me something like five or six hours to read. It was a waste of every single one of those hours and I wish I had gotten a Big Mac instead. Save yourself, save six hours, save three dollars and ninety-nine cents, and read literally anything else. 

[merryrogue]

the spouse list

Ok so I have this mutual friend with my mom who is my unofficial mimosa aunt; Ie the foodie one with awesome ideas that sound a little crazy on the surface.

I’m going to put it as ‘really into her star sign and everything that goes with it’.

I think most people know someone like that.

She told me to, and I quote, “write down your ideal ....whoever..... and then, send it out to the universe!!!”.

 Super pregnant pauses and multiple exclamation points required, she’s that kind of person. Add 15 or so emojis if she’s writing it on Facebook.

This was last May when I graduated and was freaking out about having to be a legit grownup, with like a boyfriend I’d willingly let talk to my mom and stuff. Phish, I’ve got job hunting to do. I did get a job in the school system, yay! (thankfully before all of this crap happened.)

Yes, I wrote my spouse list first, I’m not stupid.

It’s in my notes on my phone and it’s mega bland. You know that bit in the rom com where the lead is like “I just want to marry a nice guy, you know?” And they cut to the most boring soy milk boyfriend ever, who she’s going to leave at the altar.

....like an asshole. Her, not the milk guy. Who hopefully gets some therapy and a backbone out of the whole deal.  

That’s my list. So. That did not get sent out into the Universe.

Cut to all of this crazy. I’ve been sitting at home slightly longer then most, since my state is 1) way too close to NY for comfort 2) not stupid. My craft supplies are gone, so I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube. Mostly BA, because food isn’t triggering my shiny new issues.

So since I’m very bi, I started with Gourmet Makes, where Claire is The Most Perfect Human™️ and also Perfectionist Stressed™️ a lot.

It’s nice, because you know she’s a little worked up over something within her skills with a screen between you. If I was in the room, I would be panicked with her, because that’s how I deal with stress in others. by mirroring it in a funhouse mirror way. where it becomes so much worse then it was.

Enter “the golden retriever” standard.

So my mom, as long as I’ve been of age to assumably be looking at attractive people, has had one mantra for my anxiety ridden butt.

“Golden Retriever man spouse”.

You know those yellow dogs you see in videos letting a kid like, chew on them, and they look happy? Lots of videos of them as happy dappy guide dogs in college classes wearing costumes for Halloween. Dug from Up is based on one, and is....on the dumber end of golden dumb.

Yeah, those. My mom told me to go find the human version of that, and marry one.

backstory. My family uses animals to explain people’s personalities. We read the golden compass at an impressionable age or something. (My mom read it too and loved it.) that’s the book with the “everyone’s soul is an animal” thing taken very, very literally.

My mom describes herself as “a German Shepard who married a Doberman”.

Please remember that my mom grew up in a rough part of Boston in the 70s when pit bulls weren’t in fashion yet and come to your own conclusions.

So, in conclusion. My family is very high strung.

Back to Brad Leone.

Brad is a dramatic golden retriever man.

Have you seen him when the thing goes wrong?

“Whoops, well, that’d kill you, let’s tots toss that.” It’s a fermented item, he’s been working on it for weeks. Also. I’m very bad at writing accents can you tell?

Yes, I find good mental health sexy, so should you.

Food people are sexy, they love the thing! So! Much!!!

Would I trust him with a kid? Yes. Would I expect a mess when I came back? Also yes. Kid would have a blast.

Do I expect him to have good, unusual taste in clothes/architecture/etc? Duh. Food person.

Could I expect him to like documentaries? I can if the subject matter is interesting, it’s an easier way to mainline info.

Hikes? Hell yeah.

That’s my list. Chill, has a hobby, trust alone with a kid, good taste in food and other stuff, likes documentaries and hikes.

That was the list.

Hey, Universe. That was your cue.

[the-heaminator]

highlights of yesterday:

My dad, and two older German men, none of whose English was good, my dad included, getting so salty about the baggage fines that inheared swear words formerly unknown to man.

My dads and mine navigation being either so deeply in the negatives or absolutely godly.

Asking a dutch woman unknowingly where the train station is, and almost giving her a panic attack. Not really a highlight but it was interesting.

PIGEONS.

Went to go see a distant relative whose like 90, and ended up having a conversation with his grandson about how he ended up in a DnD group, an orc/goblin LARP group, and how when he told his parents that rn that he has to go tm vermin for something relating to school, nah hes just going for a warhammer tournament. Jsbdhshdhd that was the best conversation I've had in months.

[charlesoberonn]

Traveler’s Dilemma

Words: 1,960

Genres: science fiction, time travel, dark comedy

Content Warning: murder, blood, hitler

Synopsis: Thomas travels back in time on a very important secret mission, killing Adolf Hitler before he grows up to be a genocidal dictator. But something unusual happens just as he’s about to complete it.

"T-minus 2 minutes." the automatic voice read aloud. The entire room was dark except for the various instruments which blinked and blared around them.

Thomas strapped the cuffs of the special suit into his wrists, his gloves tightening and repressurizing. Lindsey stepped behind him and hooked the rest of the suit up his back. He turned around to look at her. Behind her he saw the countdown clock.

"You know they'll kill you when you come back." she said, her blue eyes seeming purple in the red light of the room.

"Hopefully when I come back, it'll be a better world." his voice was gruff and sexy, his face unshaven. He leaned and put his gloved hand on her cheek. "A world without us in it."

"We talked about it, Lin. We're doing this for the world."

Lindsey nodded and her eyes went serious. "For the world."

"T-minus 1 minute." the voice read.

"Time for you to go." Lindsey said and handed Thomas his helmet. He put it on his head and clicked it into place. He turned around and started walking into the chamber, but not before looking back at Lindsey from up close one last time.

He entered the chamber and looked up at his wife. She was fiddling with the controls, making sure everything was in order. "T-minus 30 seconds."

He looked down at his wrist, where his personal control panel was located.

"Passau, Germany, 24-08-1893" it read.

Lindsey gave him the thumbs up, and he returned with a gloved thumbs up of his own.

"T-minus 10 seconds... 9... 8... 7..."

Thomas closed his eyes. He knew that after his mission is complete, he'll be in a new world. A better world.

"6... 5... 4..."

"I love you." he whispered to Lindsey, though he knew she couldn't hear him. "3... 2... 1." Lightning zapped around him, the flashes filling the room with light. Lindsey narrowed her eyes, and for a fraction of a second, she saw her husband disappearing into dust. The room then grew dark again, and nothing in the central chamber remained.

A flash of light signalled Thomas' arrival in his destination. Like his origin point, it was the middle of the night, but he knew he was half a world and more than a century away from the Temporal Studies lab of the CIA.

The architecture was very familiar for houses in this period, but it looked so new and shiny. Thomas wasn't used to seeing such style in such good conditions.

He got his head straight and focused on his mission. We went up the stairs and into the bedroom of the youngest child in the house.

"Adolphus." it read on the door.

He went inside, stepping in as quietly as he could in the clunky suit. As expected, in the sole bed in the corner of the room slept a four-year-old boy with black hair, fast asleep.

He pressed on a container on the side of his shin, which opened automatically and pulled out an electric syringe. Synthetic blood poison. Would temporarily neutralize all red blood cells and deprive the brain of oxygen. Dead within 1 minute, gone within 14 hours. Undetectable to the medicinal technology of this era. They'd think the boy died from sudden system failure. It wasn't uncommon. All of his older siblings died young as well.

"Goodbye, Hitler." Thomas' hand was shaking as he was about to stab the needle into the sleeping boy's neck. He clenched his fist. He couldn't hesitate. He had to remember what this boy would grow up to be. What he'll grow up to do.

He raised his arm up high, and just as he was about to lower it, a familiar flash of lightning filled the room.

A bit of smoke was wofting through the air before going out the window, and in the smoke stood a man wearing a large top hat with goggles on top of it, and a three piece suit with large lappels.

"Oh, hello." the man spoke quite loudly.

"Sshh!" Thomas shut him up with a gloved finger on the man's lips. Young Hitler shifted in his bed, but stayed asleep. "Who are you?"

"I'm Menckill. I came here to kill the boy." Menckill bowed in front of Thomas, his left hand gesturing forward. He was holding a jagged knife.

"You can't kill him with that!" Thomas whispered-yelled at him before snatching up the knife. "That's barbaric."

"Well obviously, it's child murder." Menckill explained. "Is that not considered taboo where you're from?"

"No, I mean. Yes... I mean, not this child, I was here to kill him too. But not like this! This is brutal and unnecessary. What do you think the parents will think when they find him bleeding out in the morning?"

"Well, how were you going to kill him?"

"Humanely, with a single injection to the bloodstream that will kill his brain within 60 seconds."

"You think a lifeless body without blood stains will be any more acceptable for the parents?"

"I mean, yeah. At least they could bury him with dignity. They didn't do anything wrong. Besides, he's not gonna suffer." Thomas explained. "And neither will the millions he killed."

"Millions he killed? What are you talking about?" Menckill asked, he held his knife in a peculiar way, and Thomas was startled to find it's no longer in his hand.

"I am from the future. This kid will grow up to start a major war and end the lives of dozens of millions."

"Wow, weird. I'm also from the future, and where I come from he's just an overrated artist."

Thomas paused for a second, his head was spinning. After a couple of long moments he got back to his sense. "You were gonna kill a kid for growing up to be an artist?!"

"I mean, his art is really bad. And he's so beloved. It's like, awful. I blame the Post-Wiemerists and their shitty communist art."

"Where you're from Hitler is a communist?"

"Well he took his husband's name and became Adolphus Braun, but yes."

"Where you're from Hitler is a gay communist???" Thomas had to take a step back.

"What, is it not common where you're from? Still taboo?" Menckill leaned and jabbed Thomas side with the hilt of his knife.

Thomas was hyperventilating, his mask was getting fogged up.

"Listen, you seem a bit tensed up. Is this your first time journeying? Your first changing of history?" Menckill tapped the sides of Thomas' suit, accidentally opening a few compartments.

"I mean, yes." Thomas took off his helmet, revealing his pale sweaty face.

"Oh, you're a ginger." Menckill commented. "Your kind was wiped out where I'm from."

"First of all, don't call me that. Second of all... What?!" 

"Sshh..."

"Don't shoosh me!" Thomas almost screamed. The young boy in the bed was turning in his sleep.

"Okay... okay..." Thomas was using the drapes to wipe the sweat off his face. 

"Tell me exactly who you are, where and when you're from, and how you got here."

"Well well well, somebody is intrigued."

"You're damn right I am."

"Okay then, my name is Menckill Dilafrigos. I am from New Rodham in the far-off year of 1999. I came here like this..." Menckill snapped his fingers, a small flash of lightning burst from his hand, and a fraction of a second later he was holding an apple. "Why, where you're from?"

Thomas stared at the apple for a couple of seconds before answering. "I'm from New York City, in 2064. And this is absolutely insane... you're from like... a different timeline. A different course of history. Does that mean I succeeded?"

"Well, clearly not, since the kid is still alive in my 'timeline', whatever that is." Menckill seemed relax, he was scratching his butt.

"Maybe it's a sort of grandfather paradox. Like, killing my own grandfather breaks the universe and makes a new one, and you're like, from that one?" Thomas looked puzzled at the other time traveler, though he wasn't really expecting an answer.

"I doubt this kid is your grandpa, man."

"Fucking hell, I meant metaphorically, like.... if I kill Hitler, he doesn't kill millions when he's a grown up, and I have no reason to come back and kill Hitler."

"So then I come in and kill him instead. Makes sense to me."

"No! Because he still grows up in your timeline to become a shitty artist. Which means if he died at age 4 you wouldn't have a reason to go back either."

"Listen, bud, you're overcomplicating this whole thing. What I do is this: I see something I don't like, I go back, I change it. I come back home, it's gone. I have sex with my wives." Menckill gestured with his hands like it was all a simple matter to him.

"And your world isn't changed? Your friends are still there? Wait, how many people did you kill just because you didn't like them?"

"A few here and there." Menckill tossed his knife about.

"Maybe you have like... special paradox preserving powers. Maybe you isolate things in your timeline and deliver them to someplace else. Maybe you're the key! The source of time travel in my universe. Maybe all universes!" Thomas put both hands on his head, his mind spinning.

"Maybe... All I know is, you wanna kill the kid, I wanna kill the kid. So let's just do it!"

"But you, you want to kill him for bad reasons. I'm trying to save the world!"

"Fine, whatever, let's just do it together. We'll do it your way. As long as neither his paintings nor his mass murders happen, right?"

"I guess..." Thomas' hand was trembling again, he gripped the needle tightly. Menckill held his hand to stabilize it.

"3... 2... 1..." Thomas whispered and raised his arm once again.

Before he could thrust down, he was interrupted once again, this time by a woman bursting through the door.

"What?" he turned around to see a flint pistol flash in the darkness. A second later, Meckill was fallen over on the bed, his blood spilled all over it.

The young boy woke up and screamed.

"Wait! Wait! I can go, I'll leave, don't shoot!" Thomas started fiddling with his wrist control panel, setting it to travel back to 2064.

He didn't make it before a second shot fired and his lifeless body was sprawled on the floor.

"Mother?" young Adolphus asked in German, his voice shaking. "Were the bad men here to hurt me again?"

"Yes, dearie." Klara Hitler answered him with a sweet motherly voice as she blew the smoke off the barrel of the gun. "But don't worry, mommy took care of it."

She leaned in and wiped the blood off of his face with a handkerchief. "Now why don't you go get clean and then come sleep in the big bed with me and papa. The maid will clean your room in the morning."

"Okay, mama." the boy got up and went to the washing room.

Meanwhile, Klara picked up the two bodies, wrapped them around in the drapes, and dragged them down to the basement.

"Mother, are you coming?" she heard Adolphus calling up to her from upstairs.

"Just a minute!" she shouted back to him. She dumped the blood drapes in the basement. They slouched next to the pile of bodies from all of the other strange men, women, and machines who came barging into her son's bedroom ever since he was born and even before then.

"We never had two of them at the same night." she said to nobody in particular. "We'll have to move again if this continues."

"Oh well." she closed the basement's door, leaving the two fresh corpses in the dark.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #259

"i went straight to heaven, but i kept on knockin’.”

What's something that makes you feel more creative? Music. What are the last three nail polish colors you wore? Wow, idk the last time I wore nail polish, but probably black or maroon. What's the last thing you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? YouTube is essentially my TV. Quite literally - I don't have a television in my room because I never watch it. What's a DIY project that you don't think actually works? Oh dude, plenty. I have DIY-obsessed friends online as well as a Pinterest, I know this shit, lmao. I can name one though with total certainty because I was with a friend when she tried that disgusting "YOU CAN MAKE cuPCAkES IN A C uP!!!!!" crap. It's the most eggy shit you'll ever try. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I think those crafts are generally super cute. Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? (or what's one thing?) Oh yeah, one of my biggest being my senior prom pictures, but not for the reason you'd expect (save for two pictures of us that're just REALLY fuckin cute): I want them back because goddamn I was pretty ok and I miss that now that I hate my body every waking moment of every day. :^) What color is the zip-up hoodie you wear the most? Don't have one w/ a zipper, they're ugly. Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? No. Do you hate taking naps during the day? Nooo I love naps and usually take one a day. I tend to feel really tired all over again a few hours or so after I wake up. Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Would you ever audition for American Idol? Hell no. Do you know anyone who thinks they're more talented than they are? Lol wow, this is mean. I don't think so. Do you buy gum? Rarely, even though I like it. What's your favorite dollar store?  I don’t have a favorite, I'd say? But I think we normally go to Dollar General. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? Maybe like, six? Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? BITCH I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!! I would kill to get married in one, omfGGGGGGGGGGG. What was the most boring field trip you ever want on? I don't remember a bad one. I loved going on field trips. The last time you went, what were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? I’ve never been. Which country would you most like to visit? Eeeeek idk, but probably South Africa. What are your favorite types of videos to watch on YouTube? What I watch on YouTube has become pretty diverse, but I know my favorites are easily Mark's actual big projects w/ egos 'n shit alksjdflk;w gOOD SHIT MY FRIENDS. I still love let's plays, of course! Are you a hoarder? No. Is there a guy (or girl) that you wish things had worked out with? Yes. If you were to start a collection, what would it be? I'd loooove Shadow of the Colossus stuff, particularly the amazing figures they used to have only in Japan. And World of Warcraft stuff; all I have rn is an Illidan poster and a fae dragon plushy hanging from my ceiling that Jason got me. If you were rich, what things would you get done cosmetically? Mother of god, a lot. #1, make me skinny again for the love of fuck. Which would result in loose skin being taken off and probably a breast lift because being overweight ruined my comfort with them laskdjfw. Whiten my teeth and give me laser hair removal surgery on my legs, please. Are your parents too controlling? Not at all. Who is your favorite fictitious redhead? VOL'JIN Blizzard what the FUCK give him BACK What shows have you seen on Broadway? None. Who is the prettiest Asian YouTuber that you can think of? Bitch Mark is Korean and he's gorgeous as fuck goddamn it ain't fair. But this is a weird question. What is the best news you've heard lately? When my mom got a follow-up blood test, things looked good!! She especially needed to level out her sugar, which she did well on. She also didn't lose or gain any weight, so that's wonderful. Have you ever flown first class? Hunny I am v poor. Have you ever had food SO bad in a restaurant that you sent it back? I don't believe so, anyway. Do you talk in your sleep? Very regularly now. Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? OOF, yes. Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? They stick with me for a long, long time. At least two I remember from years upon years ago. Who was the last person you cut out of your life intentionally? My old therapist that I trusted and loved when I fucking shouldn't have. Where were you raised? By who? Eastern NC, by my parents. What were your first words? "Dada." What were some of your favorite things when you were young? DINOSAURS, Webkinz, Pokemon, and Spyro, to name a few. What did you grow up listening to? Mostly country and pop music. What games did you play in the past? Spyro was my obsession, and I also loved hunting games (ironic, as irl I would never even consider it???) as well as fishing ones, plus Crash Bandicoot. What was the best birthday party you ever had? I'm not sure. How about the best vacation? I'm unsure; I haven't really been on a lot. Do you have any secrets you never intend to tell? Yup. What memory would you like to disappear from your mind forever? A nightmare I had about my dad. If you were someone else, would you be friends with the person you are now? Yeah. Do you consider yourself a smart person? No. What friend in your life has been the greatest influence to you? I don't know. Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? What made it so terrifying? I shared a bedroom with an EXTREMELY volatile, violent woman once in the mental hospital. As in she had to go in solitary when she had a violent episode, during which she became very destructive to her surroundings, so as you could guess, I was worried about my own wellbeing. She was eventually moved because I was that uncomfortable. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? Well, Easter hasn't come yet, but we'll probably go to my sister's house for the kids. We'll celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving without fail. We don't pay much attention to others. I'd LOVE to do something for Halloween, we just never have anywhere to go/anything to do. What was the last thing you deleted? Pictures. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but don’t wear often? There's black there. Oh, there's s'more black. What's that???? More bLACK????? MAN, I wish I could pull off pink. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? I had a pretty intense headache yesterday. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? My niece, and yeah, every time I visit. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? The fact I almost never leave my pajamas lmao. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? A few days back, I was reeeaaally bored and actually watched TV deliberately, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????? It was The Witcher; wasn't bad. I'd be willing to watch more. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? uuuuuggggGHHHHHHHH let me be GOTH. Give me a corsette if they weren't notoriously uncomf with plenty of chains 'n stuff. BIG, SPIKY BOOTS. SKINNY LEATHER PANTS. UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH. Have you ever tried snowboarding? No. What’s your favorite planet besides Earth? Saturn is dope. Would you ever be a coach for any sport? Nope. What color of eyes do you have? Blue. Do you like tacos? NOOOOOOOOO. White or red wine? Wine is gross. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Foxes. What’s the youngest you would consider dating? No younger than 21. Do you think suits are sexy? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I was never really a fan. Respected him immensely as a musician, I just didn't care much about his music. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving? Ham. Turkey is always too dry and stringy. Do you look good in hats? I wouldn't know, I haven't worn one in forever. Never with short hair. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face's eyes? Colons. Do you like architecture? If so, do you have a favourite style or structure that you’d like to make note? Yes, and I should really have an answer for this, as architecture was a big part in Art History... Ummm Etruscan stands out, and of course Roman/Greek (even after the class I don't remember their differences well...). I love Middle Eastern architecture, too. What is one of your favorite words, in any language, and why? I just love the sound of "serendipity," as well as uhhhh "sakura" in Japanese and "kanji" in Chinese. I'm trying to think of a German one, as there certainly are some, but they're evading me right now. Where is the farthest you’ve travelled on foot? JESUS FUCK probably going to get Sara's brother from school, mother of all that is holy. But it might just feel like it because it was during the peak of my muscle atrophy in my legs. Are there any songs that you perhaps like but avoid because it makes you sad when heard? A good number. Do you like the area that you live in? What do you like or dislike about the area? NO. There's not shit to do and it's not aesthetically pleasing at all. Do you have a memory of when you really thought that you have lucked out on something? If so, what was it? Uhhhhh. A handful, I guess? Oh, uh, the suicide attempt to name one and probably the biggest. I took way too many of those pills to experience almost zero symptoms of an overdose; I did look up what "too many" was, because I wanted that. I'd say I was pretty fuckin lucky. If you have apps on your mobile phone, which one do you use the most? Facebook. Which do you like better: fantasy or science fiction novels? Why? FANTASY!!! I think it allows more creativity and possibilities of something magically "making sense" because yeah, it's fantasy. Science fiction has more "realness" to it, more, obviously, scientific elements versus make-believe. Do you like opossums? Do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets? OPOSSUMS!!!!!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're my second-favorite animals kdsja;lkdjaw. BUT ANYWAY, no, unless it's for rescue reasons. When was the last time someone asked you a huge favor or advice? Do you get asked often by this person? Oh I have no idea. Probably my mom? And no, definitely not. She hates asking for help. What are your thoughts on nihilism? I definitely get it, but it's not my personal outlook. Do you like the snow? More like love. What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? I don't know? I've never even had a real, steady job, so it's hard to really answer... I've only had bad experiences. It's kinda weird to me how you have to work your ass off (usually) to get a job you enjoy, as well as slave for some stupid green paper until the day you die just to stay alive and healthy. But at the same time, it offers a sense of fulfilment and is as well something productive and beneficial to the masses to do. Civilization would be very, very different and unadvanced if we were without them, so I guess it is a necessary thing. Humans gotta work together to keep where we're at. Do you believe in astrology? I've never actually elaborated why I don't believe in it so there ya go: not in the slightest. All it does is offer extremely broad characteristics that, in some light, almost anyone can relate to so they feel included in something. We naturally want to "belong" within something as social creatures, and astrology is an easy one with it being so vast. It gives equally indirect advice that can be applied to a multitude of situations, so people just mold what they read to fit their world. Don't base your goddamn life choices on the random positioning of shit in space. What is something that you’ve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? Well, way way way too many OCs that I do indeed love a hell of a lot. If you have a Tumblr account, do you have any followers that you wish would not follow you? Well I'm sure there are bots. What kind of books do you generally enjoy to read? Fantasy stuff, mostly. But I also love novels with deep meaning, particularly about life in general. A good plot is mandatory. Does the quality of a video, on YouTube or a television, matter to you? I mean of course in some situations, like if I'm watching something educational/something to gain visual knowledge from. What is one situation that may cause you to become shy (if there is any)? Don't don't don't don't don't point out that my serious interests/things I massively love are "weird" like it's been years and I can still barely explain why my biggest tattoo is a tribute to some fuckface on the Internet lmao. When one is depressed, what can a friend do about it? Do you find that there is a good method to approach people in helping them combat depression? It is SO important to, first, ask them what they want. Do they want advice, an ear to just listen, just your presence, to be alone? As for combating depression, that greatly depends on the origin (if any) of theirs. There are so many factors in answering this question, but what I mentioned should, imo, always be the start. Do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? Is it a little bit of both? Definitely both. When I'm sad though, I'm almost definitely listening to somber music too. Do you find yourself to be generally a forgiving person? I'm too goddamn forgiving. Do you have an embarrassing memory that you now look back at and can laugh? If so and if you’re comfortable, could you share one here? Omg I have a Bible-length collection of those suckers. I'd prefer not to. What is one skill that you have worked hard to develop? Is there still room for improvement on that skill? Damn, anxiety-coping mechanisms and actually trusting them to help me through attacks. I used to be convinced that they were useless because it just wouldn't work and weren't immediately effective, but you've gooooooot to trust the process, friends. What do you consider to be your main passion(s) and how did they come about? Spreading awareness of the seriousness of mental health and the comfort of knowing there's hope. You can never stop pushing. My own experience with mental health struggles is definitely the deeeep roots of that. Who do you think influenced you the most in your life so far? Why? Jason changed my life in many ways. Trauma does that. He taught me a lot about the necessity of having faith in yourself to survive on your own, a shitload about love and how it's not some fairy tale, and that people change, even those you least expect to. What is something that you have overheard people talk about that really bothered you? I could name more than a few things about race stuff, living where I do. What do you normally say or how do you normally act in response to a compliment? I usually do this shy laugh and say "thank you" with too much enthusiasm. How many books do you own? Do you have more physical books than electronic books? I've no clue where a lot of my old ones are. I have no electronic ones; I strongly prefer to read a physical book. What are your thoughts on higher education? Is it really necessary? In your opinion, what changes can be made? Depending on your aspiring career, it can be necessary, but just as easily, it can be unnecessary. I know for a fucking fact it should not be NEARLY as expensive as it is. Maybe even free, but I have no idea what monetary concerns that could cause with whoever runs the place. Have you ever received a heartfelt compliment from a stranger? Probably at some point. How many people would you consider to be extremely close to you? "Extremely"... like three lmao. Maybe one more or so. When was the last time you had to speak to a crowd? How well did that go? When I was taking pictures at a wedding last. It went okay. How would you describe your general outlook towards humanity? We by no means deserve to be the apex predator and Earth would be a shitload better without us. How long do you think you could last without any contact with your significant other, best friend, or a person whom you consider would be the closest to you? I'll use my mom here, in which case idk. I don't particularly want to find out. I talk to her at LEAST by text daily. Every day now that she can't work/is always home with me. Have you ever realised that someone was lying, but it was too late to confront them? Nope. Eventually speaking up is how I lost her, but.

[rcultado]

Elevastor x Anatol x Florian Hetz

Seeing a crowd spilling onto the pavement from an establishment in Paris is always a good sign. It means a full house, something exciting is happening inside. The few times I have been to Elevastor, it was always like this. The first time, it was for the launch of a capsule collection by Amsterdam glossy Glamcult and Dutch fashion brand Ninamounah, wherein a pair of hip-high rubber boots hung from a rack and a DJ was spinning on top of the store’s jewelry counter. Another time was when New York designer Patrick Church did a live painting of the shop window, while models danced around, showing off styling permutations of his printed pieces: t-shirt with pants, shirt unbuttoned with pants, trench coat open with briefs, just pants, just briefs. Even on a quiet Sunday afternoon, from afar, I see stylish kids standing outside Elevastor, rolling cigarettes, talking.

Tonight, it is for the exhibition and collection launch of the Berlin-based label Anatol’s collaboration with German photographer Florian Hetz. Abstract pictures of human body parts float over the store’s metal wall. Guests wander around sipping prosecco, or else outside, smoking, but still fixated on the photographs. I hear two people debating if they’re looking at a belly button or really deep dimple. Both were wrong, as the image pictured was the suprasternal notch (google it.) But with Hetz’s imagery, you see what you want to see. Where there is a ripple of muscles, one may see a range of caramel mountains. Maybe a smile where there is a grimace. A fat teardrop or fresh spit. An open mouth or a promise.

Deniz Oeztuna, the creative director of Anatol, saw anonymity and architectural structures. He looked at how Hetz’s framing renders most of his models anonymous, focalizing on the human body’s tender spots but also on its skeletal strength. How a spine is both sturdy and fragile, the same way a high-rise building is. For its debut collection called Buildings and Bodies, Anatol features selected images from Hetz’s body of work. Printing them on hefty t-shirts, it sets the tone for the brand’s collaborative framework. “In each collection, we would be working with different artists to make clothing pieces and other objects,” shares Oeztuna. “For artworks to be wearable,” he concludes.

Sweaty torsos and premium cotton, the event feels very Elevastor. And for a store that has only been in business since March 2019, that’s a feat. Having a corresponding semiotic value in the targeted public’s mind hints on effective branding. Launching the concept retail space with a collaboration between Palomo Spain and Metal Magazine, they have since been known for their diverse and unique buying, bannering emerging designers with more established brands. If it feels like the latest Parisian hangout spot, it’s because it is. “We want to blur the lines between fashion, art, and design,” says Thomas Guedj, the founder of Elevastor. “We want to break the boundaries between fashion and people. We want to be close to our clients when they come to the shop or to the events.” To understand Elevastor is to understand its crowd: open, up to date, international but somehow also super Parisian. Maybe a bit risqué sexy, sure, but definitely cool. Very cool.

Originally printed on Magazine Uniform Volume 2

[zurichtooslo]

Day 47, 6th Oct, Berlin

Clear blue skies and sunny today but very cold which I don’t mind if the suns out. Right outside my hotel near the U Bahn was a book box.

I caught the train to Bernauer Strabe. I wanted to go to a flea market, seeing it was Sunday, and Berlin has a lot but decided on this area as it also has a lot of Berlin Wall history. I have been here before but it’s five years so good to revisit the area. Next to the station you can see on the wall the famous photo of an East German soldier jumping through the barbed wire in the early days of the wall to escape. Police were waiting with a car to whisk him away to safety.

As soon as you coming out of the station there are posters about the Wall as this street seemed to be where a lot of people died and events happened more than other areas. The reason being is the wall went through people’s homes basically and at first people were fleeing out their front doors, then when they were blocked out their windows and even jumping out their windows.

The Wall cut neighbourhoods in half and even families. Before the wall got so high people would stand on ladders so see their friends and families on the other side.

Each death remembered has a sad story behind it. This lady, Olga, was a 80 year old woman. Her daughter had got out of the home but not her mother. The people below convinced her to jump. The fire bridge had catching sheets for people who jumped. Olga jumped but hurt herself and died the next day in hospital. Memorials were built at the time for those who died but now she is remembered by this stone on the footpath.

Just along on this street was a huge flea market.

Me in my element.

Lots and lots of boxes of stuff.

A few years ago it would have been a goldmine but now I’ve moved on from china. There was so much pink and white English china there. I would have been in seventh heaven.

I only ended up spending €3.50.

Back along the street to where all the Berlin Wall information was. I liked this art. I interpret it as the knife, or wall, cutting through the heart of people during 1961 to 1989. It could be something completely different.

Part of the original wall and where some is missing rusted poles are placed. The green grass was where the death strip was located as by the end there were two walls with a strip with guardhouses all the way along.

These are some of the people who lost their lives trying to escape from the East.

This area is a considerable section of wall.

An original guard house within the two walls.

I caught a tram back to Alexander Platz where some Octoberfest activities were going on.

Typical German biscuits.

Colourful stalls.

Lots of German food.

A bit later on I was joining an ‘Alternative’ free walking tour starting at the base of the communication tower.

Our first example of street art is done by a group and they put this all over the city. It’s 1UP. It’s from a Mario game. Berlin has a lot of graffiti which I’m not into but it was interesting getting the back story. I do like street art, though.

This is one of El Bocho’s work. El Bocho is a Berlin-based street artist using graphic posters to tell stories throughout the city, and across the world. One of his most recognisable series features the twisted character, Little Lucy, who became famous on the streets of Berlin as the imaginary little girl intent on killing her cat. In this one Little Lucy has a mouse to lure the cat and ‘gift’ in German is poison.

These paper cuts outs were interesting. Berlin has a huge techno dance music scene with a lot of clubs where people go. No one is allowed to take photos inside and it’s policed very thoroughly. However, this artist took some photos of just random people and put them up on walls. It could be anyone and in these clubs anything goes.

This was our guide who was very knowledgeable and full of information. These cards were done by a French artist and this type of art takes a long time and is fairly unique. It’s in the vain of Banksy. It is Angela Merkle as the Queen of Hearts.

We turned off the street where there were some ‘stumbling stones’. This used to be a Jewish area. This family all died in Auschwitz.

Immediately as you turned into the courtyard it was a great space. I like that rustic look. Now there are bars and cafes in where people used to live.

This man used to have a workshop here during WWII. He was able to hide some Jews with the help of a friend who was a prostitute and knew people in the underworld who could get more ration cards to feed those who were hiding. Another museum to visit next time,

Looking back out to the street. Along the wall is street art that changes frequently. There is someone who oks what is to be on the walls.

Another quaint area.

I like this whole courtyard and nooks and crannies. Not sure who the painting is of.

There was a museum about Anne Franks and other Jewish stories. That will have to wait for another time. The portrait of her was good.

Also in the courtyards were a couple of other Little Lucy. This one she has made a swing out of the cat.

Little Lucy has a gun here for the cat. All a bit warped but interesting to find as you are walking the streets.

Next we caught the S bahn to Kottbusser which now is quite close to the centre of Berlin but in the 70′s it was fairly empty and on the outskirts. At that time Germany was in need of workers so they put the word out to countries and the biggest number of men came from Turkey. They settled in this area. They were only supposed to come for a year or two earn some good money then go back to Turkey. That didn’t happen and they stayed and bought their families over. Now this area has Turkish shops, bank, travel agent and mosque. However, the area is going through a gentrification process which is changing the area again. Germans are a country of renters and there are strict rules about rents etc so it’s difficult to force people to move. With shops it’s easier as rents can be put up.

This area has always been fairly politically active and to the Left so different changes have been fought over and stopped.

The Cosmonaut Mural was painted in 2007 by Victor Ash and is considered to be the largest stencil drawing in the world. Like much of Ash’s work the Cosmonaut explores contrasts between the subject matter and the environment that it inhabits. The unexpected sight of an unmissable, massive, weightless astronaut immediately leaves a lasting impression on pedestrians. Ash was born in Portugal in 1968 and raised in France. He currently lives and works in Copenhagen, Denmark.

The red and blue symbols are done by another group in Berlin more recently who abseil down buildings to do their paintings. They film themselves and put it on utube.

This used to be a hospital but when built the Emperor at the time was very much into liking church architecture. Now it’s a cultural centre.

This green strip,now park area, was once the ‘‘death Strip’ in the middle of the Berlin Wall. All over the city you can see where the wall was built.

We walked back to the river. All the way along you can see new buildings been built. Unlike Germany Berlin is not a wealthy city as it doesn’t have industry like the west of Germany does. As one gay Mayor said ’we might be poor but Berlin is sexy’. The city has a slightly alternative feel to it but like everywhere more money is coming in and new buildings built changing the scene. Below the construction is an area called YAMM which was built on a disused area. It’s full of bars and has an African lean. There are other places like this further along the river and in other disused train sheds etc but eventually development will push them out.

The tour finished at this point. A fabulous wander through the streets of Berlin.

I called in to have a look at YAMM. It was a pretty friendly place

The music was good and you could get up and dance if you wanted to. I declined but was happy to watch.

It had been a long day and getting very cold so that was pretty much me done. Ready for more adventures tomorrow.

[leisurelypanda]

They had a week to spend together before school was due to start up. The day after Thor returned was spent much like the first, alternating between sex and sleep and the occasional break for other needs. When they weren’t having sex or sleeping, they talked. About random, nonsensical things like stars, celebrities, sea turtles, sports, and anything in between. Steve traced patterns onto Thor’s body as he listened to him reminisce about his summers playing rugby or soccer.

“Are you planning to tattoo my body, Steve?” Thor asked with a laugh. Steve chuckled. “Because if so, I’ve always wanted a dragon.”

“I could be tracing the dragon’s fire breath,” Steve mused. He could picture his boyfriend with a dragon tattoo. It could be pictured flying on his back with the tail coming up to curl around his bicep.

“Make it lightning,” Thor murmured. Steve looked up at him and grinned as he shook his head.

“Dragons don’t breathe lightning,” he said, laughing. “They breathe fire. Everyone knows that.”

“He’s special,” he said with a pout. “Stop bashing my dreams.”

Steve laughed and pressed a kiss to his pouty lips until Thor returned it. “Fine, I’ll make him with lightning,” he said. “Happy, you big baby?”

“Yes,” Thor with that big, dorky smile

“It would probably be easier to use your back with the dragon flying below and storm clouds on top,” Steve mused. “Or if he really needs to breathe lightning, it could be on one of your biceps and the head could go over your shoulder and breathe lightning across your chest.”

“Älskling, I was just joking,” Thor replied, an amused smile on his face. “But I like that idea. It sounds badass.”

Steve hummed and rested his head against Thor’s arm. His arm came to rest over his chest and started tracing circles on him. He suppressed a moan as Thor traced a finger around his nipple, close enough to be teasing. But they had just finished their latest round and Steve “the insatiable” was in the mood for a break.

“I’m thinking of getting a tattoo,” he said. Thor didn’t pause, but he hummed.

“What kind?” he asked.

“I was thinking of getting one of Michael,” he said.

“Who’s Michael?” Thor asked, a bit sharply. Steve chuckled. He’s jealous, he thought to himself. He laughed again. “What’s so funny?”

“Michael is an archangel,” Steve explained. “I remember that much from Sunday school. Anyway, he’s supposed to fight the devil or he may have kicked him out of heaven or something.”

“Sounds impressive,” Thor said, noncommittally. “Where would you put him?”

“On my rib cage,” he replied. “Over the… the scars there. He’d have a shield and sword and be holding down a snake.”

“Why a snake? Sorry to ask, but I do not know much about Christian stuff,” he said.

“It’s fine, I don’t know much more than you do. It’s supposed to represent the devil or something,” Steve said. Thor hummed.

“What about the other scars?” Thor asked.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Steve said. “But I want to do something to like, leave them in the past, or something.”

“I understand,” Thor said.

“You don’t mind?” Steve asked.

“Steve, it is your body,” Thor said, kissing him. “If it makes you feel good, I am happy. Besides, tattoos are sexy.”

Steve laughed and kissed him again. Thor grinned against his lips and rolled over on top of him. Steve sighed as he felt his lover start to harden against his thigh.

“Who’s insatiable now?” Steve asked. Thor silenced him by nipping at his ear.

“We can stop if you really want,” Thor whispered.

“Don’t you dare,” Steve replied. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first week of school came as all returns to school do. With rowdy kids and tired teachers alike wishing that the break had lasted longer than it did. If there was a sympathetic bone in any of the teachers who taught the Advanced Placement classes, they made no appearance. Even Ms. Foster gave a small mountain of lab reports after she was finished going over the syllabus for the rest of the year. Steve was starting to wonder if he was going to have to sell some of his soul to the devil in order to actually survive the school year.

By the end of the week, however, everyone had survived. No major catastrophes had occurred and outside of having plain old, regular anxiety, Steve was doing pretty well. He would take regular anxiety over the all-consuming terror that visited regularly any day. So that Friday, he and Thor decided to stay for the Gay-Straight Alliance meeting. It was a decently sized club. There was some show of Tony, the president (because of course he was) announcing the plans for the upcoming week, which apparently included karaoke night at a local teen bar. Steve wasn’t sure about it, especially when Thor announced that he wanted to go. He made a mental note to bring earplugs.

Aside from the itinerary, the meeting was mostly a time for just hanging out and catching up after the break. Tony ducked out as soon as his part was done to get to auditions for some Shakespearean play that Steve couldn’t remember the name of. Steve and Thor were hanging out by one of the lab tables when a new face appeared.

“Um, excuse me,” she said, she held out her hand timidly. “I am Wanda. Wanda Maximoff. I’m an… exchange student.”

Steve saw Thor’s eyes light up at her voice. He said something in German. Steve didn’t know anything about the language, but he could recognize the question when he heard it. Wanda’s eyes lit up and they launched into a conversation that Steve couldn’t follow if his life depended on it. He awkwardly sipped his punch, feeling a bit like a third wheel. But he figured Thor was trying to make her feel welcome. They had that bit about being from different countries in common, after all.

“This is Steve,” Thor said as he suddenly switched to English. “My boyfriend. He’s an artist.”

Steve blushed a little (a lot) at the pride in his voice. “It’s nice to meet you, Wanda,” he said. Her eyes widened even further as she regarded him.

“What do you do?” she asked. “I mostly play the guitar and violin, mainly, but I also am a photographer.”

“That’s quite a combination,” Steve said, chuckling. “I just sketch with colored pencils. Nothing fancy.”

“Älskling, you are too modest, as always,” Thor replied.

Steve blushed and moved to hide his face in his cup. Thor just laughed.

“So Wanda,” he asked. “Where are you from? Your English and German are very good.”

“Romania,” she said. “What about you?”

“Sweden,” Thor replied. “It is good to meet another European. Americans only speak English and it gets dull after a while.”

“Hey!” Steve protested. “I took 3 years of Spanish.”

Thor scoffed, giving him a sidelong look. “And how much of that do you remember?” he asked.

“Not a word,” he admitted.

“See? You can’t learn a language just in a classroom,” Thor replied. “The best way to learn a language is to use it in real life.”

“Do not worry Steve,” Wanda said with a glint of mirth in her eyes. “It’s not too late to learn.”

“I could teach you Swedish,” Thor said. Wanda made a face.

“Are you crazy?” she demanded. “Teach him German first, it’s more useful.”

She waved a boy over who looked to be the same age as her. He had warm brown eyes and he walked with a swagger in his step, cocky and self-assured. He had wavy blond hair that was dark at the roots as opposed to her straight brown. For some reason he reminded Steve of Bucky, just a little bit. He said something to her in a language he didn’t recognize, but he figured it was Romanian.

“This is my brother, Pietro,” she said. “Pietro this is Thor and his boyfriend, Steve.”

“Good to meet you,” Steve said, shaking his hand. “How are you finding New York?”

“It is incredible,” he replied with a smile. “You have everything here. In Romania, we lived in Bucharest and it is beautiful, but New York is incredible.”

Steve felt a small amount of pride that the city he called his home measured up to some old European cities. He always imagined that the architecture in old European cities must make New York look like a sprawling, if modern, mess. He imagined it was like walking into the past. His city was amazing and not everything was so modern, but it definitely seemed younger.

“I have always wanted to see Bucharest,” Thor replied with a smile. “I want to take a tour of Europe someday and see everything.”

“It is a beautiful city,” Wanda agreed. The three of them began talking and debating the various cities in continental Europe, where they most wanted to go. Steve interjected every now and then about where he would want to go if he had the chance, but aside from that he felt like there wasn’t much to say. He had been in one place all his life, aside from occasional trips to New Jersey or Philadelphia. He became uncomfortably aware of how well travelled this group was in comparison to him.

His awkwardness was interrupted by Ms. Foster making an announcement that the club meeting was over since the school was closing.

“Everyone, don’t forget that we have the charity karaoke night for the Trevor Project coming up next week,” she said. “We hope to see you all there. It’s gonna be a great night!”

“Steve, we have to go,” Thor said. “It’s going to be so much fun!”

Steve made a valiant effort to say no, but faced with such childlike enthusiasm made it difficult. Thor was actually excited to do this and it was hard to deny him. He would just have to take earplugs and hope that whatever Thor decided to sing, it wouldn’t be too loud. Or maybe he could get the bar to turn up the music to drown him out without everyone going deaf. Not likely, but possible.

“You and Pietro have to come as well,” Thor continued. “It will be a night to remember!”

“I would love to go,” Wanda replied smiling. “We have nothing planned that night.”

Thor turned to Steve with his eyes wide and brimming with excitement, making Steve smile in spite of himself. He couldn’t resist him when he looked like that, not when it was about rollercoasters or apparently karaoke.

“Yes, I’ll go,” he sighed. “But only cause you’re cute.”

Thor beamed and pressed a kiss to his temple. Steve grumbled something about him being a big baby as he hid his blushing face. He was looking forward to going out with him and the new kids from Romania. If only Bucky could see him now, making friend with international students and slowly but surely coming out of the shell he had been in for so many years. They got to the front of the school and he saw his mom and Mr. Baker chatting together as they waited to pick up their respective boys.

“You’re still coming over tomorrow, right?” Thor asked. “To study.”

“Yeah, you bet,” Steve said. Thor smiled and kissed him lightly.

“I hope your appointment with Dr. Erskine goes well,” Thor said as he headed towards his car. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Erskine was as warm and welcoming as always. Steve relayed how his holidays had gone, how he had coped with Thor leaving for Sweden for a while, how he felt about that. He talked about how he was making new friends and how different his life seemed so different now than it was last year.

“And how has your anxiety been since we last saw each other?” Dr. Erskine asked.

“I’ve been having a good time of it lately,” he said. “It’s there, but it seems more manageable now. I still have panic attacks, but they’re less frequent than before.”

Dr. Erskine smiled and nodded. “Well, in light of that, how would you feel about coming off the medication entirely?”

Steve paused. It was true, they had been gradually reducing his medication from when he first started the treatment for his disorder and he knew that getting off the meds entirely was always the goal, but he was still unsure about what that would mean for him now.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I’ve been on meds in some form or fashion for so long that I’m not sure how to feel.”

“Your ability to function has improved greatly since we’ve been working together,” Dr. Erskine said. “I remember when you came in a couple months ago and you were convinced that you were not making any progress. But today you tell me that your life is much easier now than it was before.”

“But what if I’m not ready?” Steve asked.

“Nothing need be decided now,” his counselor said. “But it is something to discuss with your doctor. The decision is yours.”

He walked out of his session feeling more anxious than he had going in. That Dr. Erskine believed that he could do it was a small comfort, but he was still nervous about actually going off his meds. Who knew if it would last, if he would be able to function at all. Theoretically, he wanted to be able to function like a normal person. But at the same time, this had been part of his life for so long. Who would he be if it worked? Would it get worse and he’d have to go back on? Would he be fine? How long would it take to figure out what life was like for him? What if he started having more panic attacks? What if he wasn’t as in control as he thought he was? Whatever happened, his life was about to change. -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, Steve had little time to adjust to this news. Bucky was returning to Penn State today. This time, Thor came with him to the station to help him see Bucky off. Thor followed them into a fast food joint where they killed time until Bucky’s train was ready for boarding. Apparently it was tradition at this point for the two of them to hang out eating burgers until he left, so he joined in. They weren’t that bad considering the fact that it was a fast food place.

“Ugh, I don’t want to go back, Steve,” Bucky said, hanging his head. “Why did you let me go to Penn State anyway?”

“Football scholarship,” Steve replied. “Besides, you’re starting your kinesiology major this semester! Aren’t you excited?”

“Sure,” Bucky said hesitantly. “I don’t know, I guess I’m just worried I’m gonna suck.”

“That kind of attitude is gonna bite you in the ass someday,” Steve said.

Bucky grinned. “Someone should,” he replied. “It’s a nice ass.”

Steve snorted his drink and erupted into a horrible coughing fit. Thor couldn’t help but laugh at the top of his lungs as his boyfriend doubled over, trying to clean off his face and shirt from the soda. Bucky was laughing his head off, too. Steve glared at both of them.

“I hate you,” he declared. “Both of you. I’m not gonna miss you at all.”

“Oh come on, Stevie,” Bucky said. “You know you love me. And you’re never gonna stay mad at Thor.”

“Nope, we’re done,” Steve said adamantly. “I’m hooking up with Loki and Tony now.”

“Well, just as forewarning,” Bucky said. “You’re gonna in for some crazy stuff and it’s gonna last all night long.”

“I did not need to know that about them,” Thor groaned. “It’s bad enough that they’re all over each other in public, I do not need to know what they get up to in private.”

“Why?” Steve asked. Thor almost groaned. Bucky got a wicked gleam in his eye.

“Tell me, Stevie,” he said. “Do you know what a dom is?”

This time Thor snorted into his drink. Baldr must have not approved of his laughing at his lover’s expense or something. Or perhaps Loki’s namesake was messing with him. Or perhaps his brother set his namesake on him out of spite or just because he was bored.

“What’s a dom?” Steve asked, pointedly ignoring Thor’s plight. Dear gods, do not let Bucky tell my sweet, innocent boyfriend this, Thor prayed silently.

“Maybe Thor will tell you,” Bucky said with a wink. “If you ask nicely.”

Steve looked at him expectantly and gasped as Thor actually blushed about as red as Steve did at the drop of a hat. Both of them started laughing at them. A god was definitely out to get him today, but this was one subject that Thor was pretty sure Steve was not ready for. Best to let this be.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” he replied. Steve rolled his eyes while Bucky snickered and Thor thanked the gods that neither of them pressed the issue.

The rest of the their brief time together was spent rehashing old stories from before Thor knew Steve. He gained a newfound respect for his little lover after hearing about some of the shenanigans he and Bucky got up to over the years. Most of it was normal teenager stuff like sneaking into an R rated movie or something. But then there was the story about how Bucky had dared Steve to graffiti the back of a restaurant in Brooklyn.

“We almost got arrested, Buck,” Steve said, flushed with a smile on his face. “That was a terrible idea.”

“Dude, it was worth it to see you draw a giant dick on that wall,” Bucky cried. The corners of Thor’s mouth crept up in a smile at the thought.

“You little hellion,” he said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Tell me this place is still around, I want to see it.”

“Really?” Steve asked.

“It got scrubbed clean,” Bucky said, fishing his phone out of his pockets. “But I have a picture.”

Sure enough, there was a picture of a big, blue penis on the side of a building and another picture of Steve putting it there. Thor laughed at it for longer than was strictly necessary, but the thought of his tight-laced boyfriend tagging buildings was just too much.

“Just think of what your dad would say if he only knew,” Steve said with a grin. “His opinion of me would drop through the floor.”

“I think it’s a bit late for that,” Thor said with a twinge of regret. His father’s irrational opposition to his relationship with Steve was still a bit of a sore spot.

Shortly after this story they made their way to the terminal where Bucky would leave to get on his train. Thor could tell that Steve was saddened by it. He squeezed his hand comfortingly. When they arrived, Steve practically tackled his friend in a hug, much in the same way that he had when Thor returned from Sweden a couple weeks ago. He felt a faint bit of jealousy as he watched Bucky’s arms wrap around his lover. He suppressed it immediately. Steve was allowed to have close friends. The gods knew that he had few enough of them without Thor getting territorial whenever he wanted to show some kind of affection with them.

“I’ll miss you,” he heard his lover say. Bucky closed his eyes and hugged him a little tighter. Curious, Thor thought to himself.

“Yeah, I’ll miss you too, you punk,” Bucky replied. “I’ll text you when I get back.”

“You’d better, you jerk.”

Bucky walked off with his bags and waved one last time before disappearing through the terminal. Steve stood there, laced his fingers together with Thor’s and squeezed. Thor returned the gesture, trying his best to comfort his lover.

“It’s silly, isn’t it?” Steve said. “I keep thinking it’ll be easier next time, watching him leave. And I have more friends now and everything and it’s still hard to see him leave.”

“He is your best friend,” Thor replied softly. “It is not silly in the slightest. I miss my friends every time I leave Sweden.”

“I’ve never asked about your friends in Sweden,” Steve said.

“We are all part of a little pagan community there,” Thor explained. “You would like them. You are as brave and fierce as any of them.”

Steve was silent for a moment. Thor couldn’t tell what was going through his mind, whether he was sad or afraid or just thinking. He refrained from asking. Then, Steve started walking in the direction of the subway silently.

“Thank you for coming,” he said as they waited for the train. Thor squeezed his hand again and smiled down at him.

“Anytime,” he replied. “I just wish I had more time to get to know him.”

“Why’s that?” Steve asked, genuinely curious.

“He is your best friend,” Thor said. “And he seems a good man. I like him.”

“You played football together,” Steve pointed out.

“But we never really hung out outside of that,” Thor countered. “I do not know much about him beyond his athletic ability.”

Steve was silent for a moment. “Bucky’s coming back for spring break in March,” he said. “Maybe we can all hang out sometime.”

Thor smiled down at him. “I would like that.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky turned around as he was leaving to steal one final glance at Steve. He was walking away, hand in hand with Thor, whom Bucky had once had a crush on in between dealing with his feelings for Steve. But since Thor never really responded to anything Bucky had done, he gave up eventually.

He tried not to feel bitter that they had ended up together as soon as he left. Sometimes it was easy, like when they were all laughing together or hanging out. Sometimes… not so much. Sometimes Bucky had to remind himself that he might have what he wanted if he had just had the nerve to say something.

But they were happy together. He couldn’t say something now. However much he might want to be with Steve, or Thor, Bucky cared more about their happiness. Bucky would just mope on the train ride back to Pennsylvania and try to get that out of his system by the time he met his friends at college. It always felt a little like running away or disappearing when he left Brooklyn for Penn State. It always came with a mix of sadness and relief. Bucky could forget his relationship troubles there, throw himself into football practice or schoolwork.

Who knows? he thought. Maybe Nat’s right. Maybe something might still come of it.

Bucky tried to hold onto that hope as he turned around and headed for the train. Nat was usually right about these things. Hell, that was how she and Clint got together and they were as good a couple as Steve and Thor. He got on the train, grabbed a seat, put his earphones in, and turned up some music. Bucky had a few hours to sulk before his stop. He intended to make use of it.