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vishnavishivaa · 3 days

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Edhuvum Avanukaaga: Chapter 2- Kadum Mudivu

Title meaning: A Hard/Harsh Decision

*****

Arulmozhi remembered a soft voice singing to him, singing thevarams, especially Pitha Pirai Soodi and Thodudaiya Seviyan often. Those divine words on his Emperuman had made him feel like he would be cured from this insane fever, from the pain his very bones felt, from the flashes of memories and thoughts that confused him; that singular voice singing was all that he remembered at first.

Then as he opened his eyes, he met his beloved Akka's, and as he sat up, Vaanathi's doe eyes from the window peaked at him, before hiding. He knew he had reacted instantly when he saw her, but he was unable to help himself. He had not expected her to be there, though he knew he had hoped for it, from the corner of his heart. He turned to Kundavai once more, bantering with her and Karikalar when he came, cherishing the moment his eyes had met Vaanathi's, despite not wanting to. He knew he would meet her again soon.

Which did happen, but not in the way he anticipated it.

He had waited to see her for two days, even through his pleasant conversations with Samudrakumari, but the doe-eyed light of Kodumbalur had not appeared even in his vicinity, let alone in front of his eyes. He had heard that she had been at the Kaayarohanar temple most of the time, singing thevarams and spreading devotion, and he felt glad she loved Emperuman like he did. Yet, would she not be able to spare even a little time to meet him? She had come all the way, had she not?

Was it really only for Akka, not for him?

'Why would she come for you? You wrote to your Akka about Samudrakumari, and Vaanathi is dear to Akka..' his brain prompted, and he froze. What if... but he did admire Samudrakumari. And yet, the thought of Vaanathi away from him felt unbearable to him. It felt like the end of his life somehow. But she wanted him for the throne, did she not?

He closed his eyes, trying to contain the pain in his heart. Her sweet smile, her twinkling eyes which were a variety of colours... and the comments on her wanting a throne. How could that genuine face hide such thoughts? Was it even possible?

This was why he had preferred Samudrakumari, who wanted only the best for him alone. And yet, here he was, still aching for Vaanathi. No no, no more. He could not marry someone who wanted his throne.

'But did you ever ask her?' whispered an inner voice, which sounded a lot like his elder brother, and he silenced it. Could most people be wrong, was that even possible?

'But what if they are wrong?' whispered that traitorous voice again, and Arulmozhi groaned. He was going to focus on Samudrakumari, and not think about Vaanathi. That is all it was, and that is what it will be.

And yet...

"Ilavarase, only those whose presence is needed must come to see you. My presence would be a disturbance. But I am thrilled to see you doing well. I will pray to Emperuman for you. For now, please let me take leave and not disturb you all in your darshanam."

Her words, her tone, her expressions, they all haunted him to the very core of his being. She not wanting to be around him stung in a way he had not expected, because he remembered the shy glances they had exchanged, and the burgeoning affection he felt for her to this day, despite her own wishes for a crown.

Arulmozhi took a shaky breath, deciding that he will not focus on Vaanathi again. He simply will not, and also cannot afford to.

****

His words had been proven false the moment he saw Vaanathi enter the temple of Kaayarohanar again, and he sped towards the temple, not even noticing that Samudrakumari was walking in his direction. He ran into the temple, though maintained the quiet movements, and happened upon Vaanathi, sitting next to her in prayer. He could sense her jerking, and he smiled within.

Vaanathi had learned to be aware, something she had not been before. He was proud... no, why should he be proud of her? Who was he to be? She wanted his crown, not him.

And why does it matter what she wanted? It was not like he liked her romantically, or wanted her that way.

Or did he?

Shrugging off his thought process, he turned his focus on Kaayarohanar, and hummed quietly in a low voice.

"Pitha pirai soodi perumane arulaala..."

He could not feel or sense anything more and deeper than the Lord who wore the Moon on His head, who was called Chandrashekaran. He was the one who had captivated the concentration of Arulmozhi, and before the young Chozha Prince knew it, he had actually started singing the thevaram from the bottom of his heart, stunning Vaanathi, an action he did not even know of, so lost in Shiva was he.

Arulmozhi opened his eyes after finishing the Thevaram, feeling Vaanathi look at him from the corner of her eyes. He smiled quietly, thanking his Emperuman for His guidance, and turned to the light of the Velir clan, as she looked away, a pink flush dancing across her cheeks.

"Ilavarase," Vaanathi said, handing him the prasada that was placed at the feet of the Linga. "Akka told me you could sing, but I did not expect to hear it from you suddenly."

"Did you not enjoy it?" he asked her teasingly, slipping into his comfort zone with her, constantly pulling her leg and seeing her reaction.

"Who would not enjoy the Prince of Chozha Nadu singing for them?" she said, a reply he had not expected. He was looking forward to her stuttering and turning redder when she tried to form an answer to his question.

"Vaanathi," he said, trying to not show how disturbed he felt by her generic answers, rather than her sweet smiles and blushes. "Why did you not come to visit me?"

"I came with Akka, for she needed my support, Ilavarase," Vaanathi looked away as she said that, and Arulmozhi knew that what she had said was only the surface of the story and not the whole thing. Deciding to question her later, he now asked, "Is that the only reason you came?"

"What other reason would I have to come?" she asked quietly, her heart hurting at how obviously disturbed his eyes looked.

"Is Akka the only person who you were worried about?"

Did she really not care about him? His heart twisted in a sharp pain, and he had to push it away to suppress from gasping at it. Why did it matter if she worried about him or not?

"No Ilavarase. I was and still am very worried about you," her confession soothed the pain he felt, though he wondered how can one woman have such a contrasting character. What was the truth, then?

"Then why did you not come to see me?"

"Who am I to come and see you, my Prince?" Vaanathi said, laughing sadly. That sadness sat heavily in his heart, as she quickly made her goodbyes, running out before he could ask her anything else.

One thing was for certain, Arulmozhi mused. There was much more to Vaanathi than what he knew and heard, so maybe it is better for him to actually talk to Vaanathi, than decide that she does want a crown.

*****

Vaanathi was in pure confusion as she walked the length of her chambers. What was her Prince doing? No no, not her Prince any longer. What was Ponniyin Selvar doing? Why was he asking all these questions, if he did not want her? But who said he cannot ask these questions even if he did not want her? Her brain was spinning, and her heart was absolutely out of control, for her entire being only felt the Thevaram he had sang.

She had lost herself in the bliss of the nectar on devotion to Shiva, and also the depth of his voice, the unshakable firmness in it and undeniable Bhakti in it. She had been shaken by how powerful his devotion for his Emperuman is, and she had known that it had aided Ponniyin Selvar's escape from an almost certain death when he had near drowned. Of course, the odakkari had physically aided him, but she was sure, somehow, her Akka had given him the mental strength, as had his Bhakti to Emperuman.

As he had finished his prayer, she had seen something, which had made her veins light up in fire and pain tear through her heart. She had seen both of them, older than they were, with a young Prince in between them, all three singing the same Thevaram and praying to Emperuman. She had looked happy, and he too did. The young Prince felt like her own. Vaanathi thought of the love she cherished for her future unborn son, a son she felt would be all her dreams together, her greatest gift in life, and teared. She had to grieve some, did she not, for the son who would now not be born to her? How could anyone be all that she dreamed of for him if they were not Ponniyin Selvar's own?

But for the Prince, she would give up her biggest dream, her heart's child. Anything, for him.

She knew her Kundavai Akka had many contingency plans, and was working on executing them. But she also knew that the former will come to talk to Vaanathi. Many may not know it, but Vaanathi was very well trained in running a Kingdom and a household, courtesy of her mother Varaguna Perumanar and Kundavai herself. The former was the uterine sister of Sundara Chozhar, the first wife of Siriya Velar, and the mother who had raised Vaanathi since babyhood. Varaguna was the mother Vaanathi knew, as the latter's own birth mother had left for Emperuman's abode a few months after Vaanathi's birth. It had been Varaguna Perumanar and Siriya Velar, and later Varaguna Perumanar with Periya Velar and Vaanathi's Periamma Karrali Devi, who had raised Vaanathi and given her all that she was at that moment.

"Vaanathi?"

"Akka?" Vaanathi got up when she heard Kundavai's voice. The Ilaya Piratti looked tired but lively; seeing her younger brother recover did good to Kundavai's heart and soul. She continued, "What is it, Akka? You have been plotting Ponniyin Selvar's return to Thanjai?"

"Yes chellame, and you know my dilemma in this?"

"I am here to listen as always, Akka."

"I wanted you both to return together to Thanjai, my brother and his future bride. But I doubt you will accept it," Kundavai looked at Vaanathi, who sighed quietly.

"I doubt he himself will accept it, Akka. Rather, is it not better for him to come by himself, as the one who has won us Anuradhapuram?"

Kundavai stared at Vaanathi quietly, a series of emotions flitting across her face, which shone like the full moon.

"Vaanathi, will you not return to Thanjai with Arulmozhi?" Kundavai asked gently, and Vaanathi shook her head.

"No Akka. I am not his betrothed, nor am I related to him in any way, unless you count Appa and Parantakan Maama being cousins," Vaanathi said gently but firmly. "I will return with you to Pazhayarai."

"You will be by my side?" Kundavai asked, sounding almost fragile, yet hopeful.

"Akka, I am always by your side. Always."

***************

Thodudaiya Seviyan and Pitha Pirai Soodi are thevarams, which are devotional poetry/songs written on Bhagavan Shiva- Bhakti for Him reigns supreme in these respledent verses laden with love.

@ahamasmiyodhah @thegleamingmoon @yehsahihai @mahaswrites @hum-suffer @theramblergal @moon-880 @arachneofthoughts @whippersnappersbookworm @rang-lo @celestesinsight @willkatfanfromasia @mahi-wayy @ragkee @houseofbreadpakoda @sambaridli @nidhi-writes @leoprincess21 @anushyaselvaraj @chaliyaaa What do you all think? This is an AU of the book, and I have different plans for Karikalan in this one, just FYI :P

#ponniyin selvan #vanathi #arulmozhi #vanmozhi #kundavai #vanthiyathevan #ponniyin selvan 2 #aditha karikalan #desiblr #desi writers #fanfic #ponniyin selvan fanfic #vanmozhi fanfic #alameluwrites

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nidhi-writes · 1 year

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ULLANGKAVAR KALVAN - ArunMozhi & Vaanathi Oneshot

Thodudaiya seviyan vidaiyaeriyor thooven mathi soodi~~~ thodudaiya seviyan vidaiyaeriyor thooven mathi soodi kaadudaiya sudalai podi poosi en ullangkavar kalvan~~~~~ kaadudaiya sudalai podi poosi en ullangkavar kalvan

As she sings those words with small tears peaking out of her curtain-like eyelashes, as whimpers out the song again and again with so much to say yet to remain in silence.

She was relieved when she was finally able to see the love of her life breathing and slowly healing from the fever he got by facing death. As she sat on the balcony facing the ocean where the sky meet it and how conjoin both sky and sea. But in reality, they never get to touch each other, never cherish their longings same as she is now.

As thoughts clouded her mind, her bad luck and inferiority peaked in. She was neither the beauty nor the brave. She doesn't have anything to give to her Prince who is the combination of everything she is not. As her tears clouded her eyes just like thoughts she hoped that she can at least be near him even if it is not as his wife but even as a woman who can help him to be well.

As she and her akka Kundhavai arrived at Eezham to check on their most loved prince. She was happy that he is alive and finally able to calm down after the storm she felt over the course of days.

But as she made sure her love is well and improving, she heard from the brilliant spymaster Nambi who told about the bravery of a boat girl who made sure the prince is alive and rowed the boat a full day to help get the prince here. How she is the Samuthirakumari and just how brilliant she radiates just like her name ' Poonguzhali'.

And Vaanathi felt proud by hearing about other women's will to help the prince. But she also notices how concerned Poonguzali was when she always sat next to his head while the Buddha Bakshi treated the prince. It was that time Vaanathi saw Poonguzhali, the mesmerizing beauty just like her name and her title, she radiates depth like an ocean. Her eyes held pure love and commitment.

How could she ever able to be something she never was? She is after all bad luck, that's what most of the people she ever met said to her. Her parents are dead, and because of her luck, she sent the lovable prince to Eezham back when she faints and causes this to him. How could she ever able to digest this? Everything about her is just bad luck. What Poonguzhali did is what the youngest Chola prince needs in his life. A companion that he can able to count on, who he can able to take with him alongside his battle, who was strong enough to save him in any situation, who is beautiful and full of strength, who would give him a child just as much as the warrior he is. She could never able to give anything she just listed for Samuthiria Kumari.

Her thoughts were cut off by her lovable Akka voice, which she is thankful for.

'Vaanthi, please be near Arunmozhi, I have to discuss something with Vanathiadevan' Kundavai told Vanathi and went to find the Vaanar Kulla Veeran. Even though she is nervous she always obeys her Akka, as in this world only a few love her without any expectations.

She peeked in find her love sleeping peacefully, his fever drastically decreased by gods grace. She went in and sat next to her prince and nervously placed her hands on his head and combed through his glorious and soft hair. As she closed her eyes and let her tears fall, she started to pray to Shiva, who always protects the prince. She is also thankful that she can be near him even though she may not be his wife or have those blessings this is more than she could ask for.

Mutral aamai ila naagamodaena mulai kombavai poondu Vatral odu Kalanaapali Thernd-enadh-ullam Kavar kalvan Katral kaettal Udaiyaar Periyaar Kazhal Kaiyaal Thozhudaetha Petram Urndha Piramaapura Maeviya

As she sings those lines she forgets her surroundings, it is just her and the prince who is the epitome of grace, handsome, glory, intelligent, and calm. Salt tears rolled down her smile graced her lips and fell down. If anything she can do to help her prince feel less pain is to accept his pain as hers, She prayed to god that every pain he is going through will fall upon her, and she would gladly take those and make her prince feel better, every bad thing that is meant to happen to him will fall on her and she makes sure to take those and give him all the joyous things that meant for her and him. She repeated those again and again and whimpered that she is being useless among others, only thing she has herself is that she is born a princess and there is nothing exceptional about her, and how she doesn't deserve this beautiful and charming prince.

As tears flow down from her closed eyelids, she opened her eyes as she heard a murmuring. Her eyes widen as she realized that it is coming from Arunmozhi before her. She smiled and turned around to find if anyone coming in so that she can ask them to fetch the Princes and others, But she stopped and turned back to listen to what her prince is murmuring in his current state.

'Vaa-' His lips opened and closed quickly as she is unable to hear it properly.

'Vaa-na-thi' As the words fell into her eyes, her body froze and happy tears rolled out, She couldn't believe what she is hearing. She held his palm in her hand and caressed it softly. At this moment there is no one else who matters and it's just her and him. His eyelids slowly opened and his charcoal-colored eyes softly grazed her.

'Vaanathi' He whispered and smiled softly at her. The smile which spoke a million words, the smile which let her know that it is going to be ok. She returned the smile and thanked god.

Three days later.

As she stood watching the waves hit the grounds from her balcony facing the Eezham sea which slowly turned red as the sun started to set. They will be leaving for Thanjai tomorrow and she is nervous again. Where does she stand now and what she has to do on returning to Thanjai? Still, Ilavarasar is not entirely out of danger and she is scared for him. After the intimate moment that happened three days before she is all alone again and often she wondered whether she dreamt it or it really happened.

'Why your eyes are filled with sorrow?' A voice asked her from behind and she just know who is the owner of it even without turning around.

She smiled sadly and shook her head as she is unable to form words in front of him still.

'Won't I be blessed with your voice?' He asked and come to stand next to her. She lifted her eyes and shyly looked at her love with a soft smile. But her eyes hold so many emotions.

'It should be me who would feel blessed to be near you' Her words made him smile down at her. As he raise his hands and tucked the hair behind her ears, the close proximity makes her feel the light head and she prayed that she won't faint just another time in front of him. Her heartbeat raced to a level she doesn't even know if it was possible.

'So you like gazing at the ocean?' He asked and looked ahead of him to see the evening sky that had painted the ocean with its color.

'It makes me feel calm at times, my Ilavarase' She said and looked away from him to feel somewhat less nervous again.

'Why not all time?' He questioned her and she doesn't know whether she should be open about her feelings to him.

'Well other times, I wonder how the Sky and ocean feel to be close but yet never be able to get closer forever' Her answers made him smile as he knows what he is implying.

'Maybe that's what makes it more romantic even, that even with the distance they still don't leave one another. And Ocean yet makes sure to gaze at the sky every single time and the sky pours her heart out to him without missing a beat. So they both can taste each other's love' His words made her look at him as if he is answering all her doubts.

'Will you be my Vaan(Sky) my Vaanathi?' The Prince asked her, and she is surprised that he is asking permission when she is all his.

'How can I give you permission when I am already yours?' She said with tears falling down just like the sky pours down the droplet of water into the ocean.

Arumozhi bent down and attached his forehead against hers and circled his hands around and wrist and brought her closer. The scent of rain made them fall over each other again and again. As both their eyes gaze upon each other his lips brushed down hers softly just like the ocean drinking the droplets from the sky.

Her breath caught in her chest and her hands found their way into his hair she hold him for her dear life, fearing that her legs would give out if she lose him.

As they shared their kiss of love, the ocean and sky smiled at each other as they are finally able to be with each other forever.

Arunmozhi proved to her that she is his sky and he is her Ocean, both always be with each other no matter what.

After all, he is her 'Ullangkavar Kalvan'

@chiyaanvikram @willkatfanfromasia @whippersnappersbookworm @celestesinsight @curiousgalacticsoul @thelekhikawrites @hollogramhallucination @nspwriteups @yehsahihai @thirst4light

@freeunknownwasteland @harinishivaa @arachneofthoughts @vibishalakshman

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rang-lo · 1 year

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"I have brought another message from Pazhayarai, Ilavarase!" Vandhiyathevan quips, pulling out another olai secured at his waist. Arunmozhi’s eyebrows raise in curiosity. “From the princess of Kodumbalur,” Vandhiyathevan continues with a smirk, ardently trying to read the prince’s expression.

The small smile that plays on Arunmozhi’s lips as he takes the letter from Vandhiyathevan does not go unnoticed. There is a hint of surprise and curiosity in it. "She sent a letter?" he asks, his voice gentler and quieter than before, when he was discussing his father's health and the danger looming over the Chola kingdom.

"Yes, Ilavarase. She requested for me to present this to Ponniyin Selvar in private." Arunmozhi glances up at his brother's friend once before opening up the olai suvadi to read its contents.

He can't stop the way his heart fills up with an inexplicable feeling of lightness and comfort when he sees the gentle curves of her handwriting. The Tamil words seem to have rolled off her fingertips like honey from a flower, he thinks, and begins to read her words.

“Thodudaiya seviyan vidaiyeriyor thooven madhisoodi Kaadudaiya sudalaip podi poosi en ullam kavar kalvan”

(”He - the majestic Lord Shiva adorned with earrings and seated on a bull with a crescent moon atop his locks - Has thieved my heart by smearing holy ash across his body.”)

The Thevaram verses come flowing back into his memory like waves of the Ponni nadhi - verses he'd learnt as a child from his grandma Sembian Madevi in Pazhaiyarai and Thanjavur. Ah, how long it's been since he'd heard those exquisite Tamil verses! It reminds him of home, of his childhood, of his siblings, of the beautiful river Ponni, and of a woman whose moonlike face he could never forget even in his months away from Chola Nadu.

His eyes go over her gentle script again, unable to help the way his heart skips a beat when he realizes the message she has stored within this devotional prayer - a gentle reminder for him to return home soon, for he holds with him her heart and her thoughts.

Arunmozhi smiles and nods at Vandhiyathevan, who is observant enough to pick up on the prince's softened eyes that he’s had his thoughts occupied with not just the welfare of the kingdom and the conspiracies surrounding it, but also a certain princess of Kodumbalur.

"If you have a reply you would like me to send back to her, I am always here to be your messenger, Ilavarase,” Vandhiyathevan adds, a teasing lilt to his voice. Arunmozhi simply smiles, busying himself with tucking the olai into his waistband before his newfound friend can say anything more.

Later that night, when he removes his angavastram and remembers the olai he kept with him, he takes it out and reads it again, fingers going over the words. Sleep evades him as he gazes at the full moon and sees her reflection in it.

Just some things I had written when PS-1 had come out. Only putting it up now that I’ve found some fellow appreciators of these characters/scenes like @thatacademic and @vibishalakshman!

#my writing #ponniyin selvan #ps-1 #ps-2

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