#Secretly Distribution

[akirakirxaa]

For absolutely no reason at all please reblog if you think grey or blue skinned Duskwight based characters can be Ishgardian.

[too-cool-for-facebook]

Currently enamoured with the idea of Stan randomly being chosen by the Universal Cat Distribution System. I just love the idea of a cat crawling through a window Soos left open and making itself comfortable where it likes. Stan would say he doesn't want it, but of course he'd keep it, the big softie

Next post

[femmesandhoney]

"Twoset make people feel embarrassed to learn or play the viola! All the viola insults have gone too far" firstly, it's always been established that violinists and violists tease each other in orchestra culture. secondly, if some light ribbing about the viola makes you so terrified of picking up or starting an instrument you like or appreciate, you're a loser and the viola deserves better than you. the viola isn't for the fucking weak ass kids who cry because they think violinists are the "cool" kids and want to feel special. good luck feeling special and important when half your orchestra is violinists and you never actually get the attention you're seeking. fucking weak ass kids nowadays oh my god.

[twistedappletree]

The orphan distribution system trope in the MDZS universe is so top tier honestly

[cakemoney]

finding out that kaito and shinichi have been revealed to be cousins is like finding out there was a huge earthquake in the country you used to live in

[metastablephysicist]

ok one more thing. i don't think i can handle the stress of being a grad student and the stress of being more visibly/openly trans at the same time. people like to pay a lot of lip service to inclusivity and whatever bs, but no one over the age of 40 (i.e. faculty, staff, etc) takes it seriously or is willing to put any effort into things. a lot of my peers don't even do that! everyone asks you to disclose your pronouns but no one will actually use them. we want (financially) disadvantaged people in our program but we won't support them in a way that matters (financially). that kind of thing. the rest is left as an exercise for the reader.

[ladyvelkor]

I'm going to spend the next few weeks roleplaying Emma Goldman for college credit but I'm not going to change how I dress or speak so it's going to be just. bimbo Emma Goldman. and that's already basically me every day :(

[injuries-in-dust]

I don't know why, but I like the idea of humans being to aliens, what cats are to humans...

Alien1: hey, when did you hire a human?

Alien 2: we didn't. They just wandered aboard one day, saying they wanted to "hitch a ride." Then they never left. I think they like it here.

Alien 1: the human distribution system has chosen.

***

Alien stares at the human, who has climbed up a very high shelving unit.

Alien: Human, get down before you hurt yourself.

The humans response is to climb higher.

***

Alien is secretly filming their human, who is spaced out and just staring at nothing.

Alien (whispering): I think the human is about to intercept the brain cell. (Laughter) don't worry human, if it tingles that means it's working.

[friendofthecrows]

Hi. We've been doing this since 2022. Check out @goncharovproductions

It's going to be a real film, and we're trying to make it as faithful to the original as possible. It's also just great fun to work on :) I love gonching.

ok i dont actually think this should be done but you know what would be really funny?

if someone ‘remade’ goncharov. someone compiles enough reviews and textposts and gifsets to make a make shift “original” script, and then rewrite the movie as a modern reboot.

all the interviews talk about how they changed this scene or had to remove that scene. they talk about how they took certain creative liberties to adjust the story. they talk about how they admire the original cast and direction and tried to live up to that as genuinely as possible. how they struggled to cast a character because it seemed like no one could really embody the character the way the original actor did.

and it’s all a lie of course. because goncharov.

[libraryofgage]

Been having Secretly Smart Steve thoughts except it's less that his intellect is a secret and more that nobody ever noticed lmao

The initial thought for this is based on my mom's stories about acting like a ditzy airhead in high school but then graduating with honors

Within five minutes of walking into high school Steve definitely clocked that being cool was more important than being smart right? So he didn't really let on that he was good at class stuff and just let people think he was a simple jock

And Steve graduating isn't a huge thing cuz it happens during UD stuff which means they all miss graduation ceremony and just get their degrees later, so it's not like anyone saw the honors tassels that steve was given to wear with his grad gown

And the first real hint is Lucas trying to make a basket and getting frustrated. And Steve is like "here I'll show you" and proceeds to make every throw he makes from anywhere on the court and when Lucas asks how the fuck he does that Steve shrugs and is like "well, i mean, its all angles man"

Later Mike and Will are working on an egg drop project (you know the ones) and getting worked up cuz the eggs keep cracking. Steve has been watching TV or something the whole time and outta nowhere is like "yall are missing shock absorption and proper wind resistance, duh"

Nancy is trying to decode some number based cipher for fun but it's becoming rapidly Not Fun and Steve looks over her shoulder for like two seconds and goes "group the numbers into twos, subtract 18 from each, and then it's the alphabet letter based on the number" and then just walks off

Dustin is taking an engineering class and is having trouble building a bridge cuz it keeps collapsing when he sends a hot wheels car over it. Steve tells him he needs more load-bearing beams and to distribute the weight evenly and Dustin is surprised when it works

And, of course, Eddie sees all of this so one day when Max or Erica ask for help with some geometry homework he takes the worksheet they give him and immediately passes it along to Steve, waves off their disbelief, and sits all smug while Steve explains concepts they'd been missing entirely

[sundrop-writes]

How would Spencer react to the f!reader eating a sucker in a very provocative way during a meeting?

I decided to change this up a bit. Rather than it being during a meeting, it's just randomly around the office because eating a sucker/lollipop during a meeting would be annoying af.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

How would Spencer Reid react to you teasing him with a lollipop?

Warnings: reader can definitely be interpreted as gender neutral because there isn't much description of them beyond their mouth (sorry if that isn't what you wanted lmao); this is very sensual/smutty toned (but there is no sex scenes); Spencer is thinking about sex acts/is having sexual fantasies about the reader; heavy sexual innuendo; definitely leans more toward Sub!Spencer; I was thinking of S4/S5 Spencer when I wrote this but you can imagine any Spencer; background Morcia; implications of Spencer masturbating in the bathroom at work. Reader loves teasing Spencer - idk what else. Not really proofread.

"Oooh, what's this?" You asked, walking up to see a large bowl of candy sitting in the middle of Morgan's desk.

"Leftovers from Halloween." Prentiss explained, not looking up from the file that she was reading. "Of course, Garcia put them on Morgan's desk. What was it that she said?"

"A little something sweet for my something sweet." JJ recited the words from her place at the coffee machine with a laugh.

"Oh, he is gonna love that when he comes in." You chuckled.

You knew that he wasn't going to eat all of it himself, and Garcia likely intended it as a pick-n-go for the office anyway - so you took a careful glance into the bowl and then picket an appealing round lollipop. A blow-pop, you quickly realized. Very nice. You knew the gum in the middle was crappy, but you would have fun seeing how long it would take to get to it, and it was cherry flavoured - one of your favourite candy flavours.

You grabbed it up and a few others to slip into your desk drawers, along with taking a few packets of M&Ms for your favourite desk neighbour. When you walked over to your desk that was in front of his, you tossed the candy so that it hit the front of his chest, and Spencer jumped violently, having been scared right out of his concentration from whatever he was reading. A thick academic paper, from the looks of it.

You heard Emily's nasel chuckle in from behind you at how hard he had jumped.

"Good morning." You greeted him with a wide smile as he glared at you, but took the candy and began opening it anyway.

"Yeah." He scoffed.

"You're welcome." You also said, nodding toward the candy in his hand.

"Did you know that M&Ms shortly after their creation, M&Ms were exclusively distributed to the US military during World War II as a part of soldier's rations?" Spencer stated, giving another one of his 'fun facts'.

"Due to the candy coating making them far less perishable, and far easier to transport due to the fact that they were less likely to melt. At the time, they were packaged in cardboard tubes and featured a violet colour among the candies. And that's how they became famously known as 'the candy that melts in your mouth, not in your hand'." Spencer explained, the last words becoming muffled as he stuffed some of the candy into his mouth.

"And now they have gone from feeding soldiers to being the breakfast of a skinny little genius like you." You joked, unwrapping your lollipop and raising it to your lips.

You were one of the people who joked about it, but you secretly loved the fact that he was skinny. You would never tell, but you imagined pinning him down and him not being able to get away because of his lack of muscle.

Spencer would have made some clever reply, but instead, his eyes became locked on your lips.

Watching your lips gently wrap around the roundness of the lollipop immediately sparked something in him. From that moment, his eyes focused on nothing but your mouth, and he absolutely lost all train of thought - including the fact that he had been reading something before you even sat down.

It wasn't even intentional at first. At first, you were just enjoying a random sweet treat at seven o'clock in the morning, going about small things like taking off your jacket and getting the files organized on your desk, and when you looked up to ask Reid if he had a spare red pen that you could use to mark off some things - that was when you noticed it.

That far off, glassy look in his eye that you had never seen before.

He was staring at your lips, hard, clearly not even realizing that he was doing it - at this point, the candy had just barely stained the inner part of your mouth red, and he was being driven insane, imagining himself running his thumb or even the head of his leaking cock along that spot, feeling the pure softness of your lips, having your sweet tongue reach out to meet the throbbing head of his-

"Reid?"

The sudden sound of your voice seemed to shake him from this daydream.

You pulled the lollipop from your mouth with a wet smack, and he swallowed a whimper - it was a sound so subtle that you wouldn't have been able to hear it if you hadn't been carefully listening. You clenched your jaw, suppressing a smirk. You didn't want him to know that he had been caught. Not yet.

"Um - ah - yeah?" He stuttered out, quickly looking back down at the papers in the middle of his desk, trying not to make it seem like he had been staring at you so blatantly.

"Can I borrow a red pen?" You asked, trying to give him your best look of feigned innocence as you placed the cherry red bulb back to your lips while waiting for his answer, gently tracing your tongue around it.

You loved the way his eyes clung to this action like a magnet, his own lips dropping open slightly as he let out a hot breath in awe, his pupils blown wide.

His pants were suddenly very tight.

Spencer had to purposefully tear his eyes away from your mouth when you began oh-so-slowly teasing the lollipop in and out of your lips, forcing him to perfectly picture the round head of his cock fucking between those perfect cherry lips.

He frantically looked around his desk, and grabbed the first pen with a red cap that he could find.

"Here you go." He mumbled, tossing it onto your desk, not even bothering to hand it to you.

He then grabbed his messenger bag from underneath his desk and so subtly placed it at his front while he scrambled off toward the bathroom. You simply let out a laugh and then shoved the candy into your mouth fully, looking back down at your files and getting to work.

Spencer could only pray that you would be done with the lollipop by the time he got back.

A/N: Okay this definitely turned more into the style of a blurb, but what I love about writing requests right in my inbox is that I don't need to do a super defined style, I can just write whatever comes off the top of my head and I don't have to worry about over-editing stuff. It's great for creativity and it's almost like a writing exercise? Anyway, I had a lot of fun with this.

Criminal Minds Masterlist

[catherinnn]

Snowed In

a fluffy Christmas friends to lovers fic between eddie x fem!reader

words: 2.3k

divider by @strangergraphics ♡

The group was going away for the holidays. Steve's family has a cabin in the mountains and it was completely free this year.

So Steve, Nancy, Jonathan, Robin, Eddie and you decided to have your own holidays.

The cabin was... well, it was huge. It had three separate bedrooms, the distribution was: Nancy and Jonathan in one, Eddie and Steve in the other, and Robin and you in the last one.

The cabin was in the middle of the woods as well, so you had to go groceries shopping on the first day and make sure you're not missing anything. And as you and Nancy were in charge of the shopping, you also got some Christmas decorations for the house. It wouldn't feel festive if there weren't.

Problems started when one morning Steve woke everyone up feeling nervous and frustrated. We had gotten snowed in.

We couldn't open any of the doors and some of the windows. And to top it all, it was even colder inside here than before.

So your plans of going on a walk or hiking together were out the window.

"We have some movies here, I can see if there's anything kinda good" Steve offered.

"We can also bake some cookies!" Robin says—she was secretly thrilled of not being able to go hiking as she had absolutely hated that idea in the first place.

"Or... you know, we can start decorating and make this place look more festive" Nancy proposes.

"Oh yes! We bought the cutest things at the store" You say excited, getting the box with the ornaments.

"Alright, we can decorate, bake cookies, and once we're done, we'll see the movie" Jonathan plans and everybody seems to agree.

"Fuck, I think I left my cassettes in the car" Eddie realizes when he looked for them to play something while we decorated. Steve and you secretly high-five at that, being sick and tired of Eddie's music already.

"Oh well, they weren’t very Christmassy either way" you fake sympathy for him.

"Just turn on the radio, maybe they'll play some holiday songs" Steve says.

And just like that, the afternoon goes by.

Eddie and you are in charge of the living room decorations while Robin and Steve start baking.

"This is the tree?" Eddie asks me disappointed. It was a small tree that could fit perfectly on top of a table.

"Well, we couldn't get the big one! It was too expensive! Plus, what would we do  with it when we leave?" you explain.

"This is just sad" Eddie keeps analyzing it.

"Shut up! Don't say that to the tree," you shove him playfully. "Just help me decorate it!"

"Fine, let's choose the five ornaments we can put on it!" Eddie jokes.

"Look at this one" you pout taking a big sparkly red ball.

"It's bigger than the tree, sweetheart" Eddie laughs.

"You're not being festive, Munson!"

"Sorry, my apologies"

You start hanging the things on the tree until it looks colorful and sparkly enough.

"This is the star we got" you take it out of the box to show it to Eddie.

"It's actually very pretty" he admits.

"I know, right?" you say, very happy with it.

"Here, let's make it feel Christmassy enough" Eddie gets up and grabs the tree, lifting it high up in the air.

"What are you doing? Be careful!" you say.

"You have to stand on your tippies to put the star on the top, just like on a proper tree" he keeps making fun of your tree but that’s actually cute. So you stand up with the star on your hand and stretch as high as you can to reach the top.

Eddie laughs since you still can't reach.

"You're too tall! Lower it a bit!" you demand but he refuses.

"It's like on an actual tree, you'll have to keep trying" he grins.

"Alright, fine" you say and go to stand on the couch so you can reach it.

"Oh, come on!" Eddie rolls his eyes and moves away from the couch.

"No, that's cheating! The tree can't move on its own!" you complain. You grab Eddie by his arm and pull him closer again, finally placing the star at the top. "Aww, it looks beautiful"

"Decent enough," Eddie jokes and places the tiny tree next to the TV. "Is that it here? What else do we have?"

"We have a few more decorations yet. What are the rest doing?" you ask.

"Robin and Steve are in charge of the cookies, Nancy and Jonathan said they had a surprise, I'm not quite sure what it is" he says.

After you finish with the few other decorations, Robin and Steve come out of the kitchen with flour all over their faces and hair. As if they had a food fight (which was probably what happened.)

"Cookies are done!" Robin announces and Steve starts choosing the movie.

Nancy and Jonathan get back too after a few minutes.

"What were you two doing?" you ask but they just shrug and act mysterious.

"Alright, we only have The Goonies and Halloween" Steve announces our options.

"Oh Halloween, please!" Eddie calls.

"No, we're not in the horror mood anymore, I vote Goonies" you say. The girls agree with you and Steve ends up voting for Goonies as well. Eddie thinks it's just because he's too chicken with horror movies.

You take the big couch, sitting next to Eddie and share a big blanket because it's still really cold in here.

The morning of the 25th finally comes around. Robin and you wake up excitedly and run to wake the rest up as well.

You enjoy the comfort of the movie and the freshly baked cookies. And at one point, you end up too cuddled up with Eddie under the blanket, claiming it was only because you two were still cold. But it's really because his hugs have always been the best ones. It's like you two fit like puzzle pieces, perfectly together. And to be honest, it was supposed to be a comfort night, with a comfort movie, comfort food, it was only logical to cuddle with him to get the ultimate comfort experience.

The idea for this year was Secret Santa, since you were already spending on this holiday trip, and to be fair, it adds excitement to guess who it was.

You got Nancy, for whom you bought a new journal with a lot of cool and handy features, and a necklace with her initials.

The idea was that the gifts should have a special meaning between the two of you so it would be easier to guess. The journal was because she had told you she was in need of a new one already and she wanted one of these. Similarly with the necklace, one time when you two were out shopping, she was looking for a new necklace but couldn't find anything that really convinced her.

As she opens up the presents, she gasps when she notices what they were, a big smile forming on her face after.

You're very bad at this game since you're already grinning and swallowing your giggles of excitement.

She takes a few seconds, considering. Then, her eyes land on you, as if she was checking on your reaction to confirm her theory. That is what gives it away.

"It's you!" she says content. You let your laughter free, the last confirmation Nancy needed. "I love this! How did you even remember this?"

She gets up and hugs you. "Thank you, I love it!" she repeats.

The round of gift opening continues, Steve realizes Robin was his Secret Santa. And Eddie follows, realizing Nancy was his, from the brand new leather jacket she got him since she always tells him the one he currently has is looking worn out and the zipper doesn't even work.

You go to open yours next. With the excitement of a little kid.

The first thing you see is a mixtape, named 'Our Songs.’ It would be a more helpful clue if you could see what songs it had on it.

The next thing you grab is a big mug, like the ones you love. It's a white mug with drawings of little flowers all around it. Very delicate and simple, but it's exactly your style.

The last item is in a little box. Opening it, you find two rings, two matching rings. They are designed to fit together perfectly.

The smaller ring is simple, with a finer band and a small bat raised on its surface.

The larger ring is bold and bigger, with the same bat design cut out from the band, leaving an open space. The small ring can fit inside the large one, with the bat designs aligning perfectly.

Your jaw is on the floor, this left you speechless.

Recombining the clues is pretty obvious who your secret santa is. Eddie makes mixtapes for everyone and every occasion. You were still curious to see what songs it had on. The mug could be since you always use a different one from Wayne's collection every time you're at Eddie's, saying you want to have a cool collection like that too sometime. And the rings are the most obvious ones, Eddie loves bats and you had told him that his tattoo of them was your favorite one of his. Plus, he's the king of chunky rings.

You look up at him immediately, he's looking at you with a small smile, he's a better actor than you.

"It's you, isn't it?" you ask almost with a hopeful tone. He grins and nods.

You jump to hug him. Squeezing tight. "These are the most beautiful gifts I've ever gotten!" you exclame.

Eddie laughs, holding you back. "They're pretty normal gifts" he says.

"No, they mean so much more!" you quickly tell him. "Eddie, I love these rings!"

"Yeah? They're my favorite too" he smiles.

You take them out of their box and give him the big one, as you put the smaller one on. He takes one of his old rings out and replaces it.

"I love them!" you exclame again, very pleased and excited. You hug him tightly again.

"I'm glad, princess" he laughs.

The weird sensation you feel in your tummy as you see the rings on each finger, and the representation of them completing each other, does not go unnoticed by you. It's like your stomach jumped from happiness too.

After everyone guesses their secret santa and everyone is happy with their new gifts, you go back to your routine in the cabin.

You already loved his hands, and he just added the perfect detail with that ring that matches with the one on your finger. As if it brings you even closer, a confirmation of how much you care for each other.

Eddie and you offer to set the table for lunch.

"Where were the dishes again?" Eddie asks confused from the kitchen.

"On the top shelf!" You indicate from the dining room, setting the gasses on the table.

"Which one? I don't see them" Eddie says.

"The middle one" You say.

"Can't you just come show me which one?" Eddie opens the door from the kitchen, asking you.

You walk over to him, and as you are standing next to him, you signal which door has the dishes.

"Wait! Eddie, don't move!" Nancy says hurriedly.

"What? Why?" he asks, confused.

"Look over your heads" Jonathan smirks.

As you focus your view to the ceiling, you see a mistletoe hanging on the doorframe you are standing under.

"When did you put this here?" You ask them.

"It's the magic of Christmas!" Jonathan teases.

"Must have been one of the elfs" Nancy chimes in.

"Alright, funny" Eddie rolls his eyes, ready to ignore all of this.

"You can't move!" Jonathan stops him. "It's bad luck!"

"They used to believe you would never get married if you didn't kiss" Nancy tells us.

"You're kidding?" you chuckle.

"Nope, those are the rules" Jonathan insists.

Eddie rolls his eyes again, and laughs. He turns his gaze to me. "Do you really want to get married sometime?" he asks me with a smirk.

"Of course! If I don't end up getting married I'll hate you forever, Munson" you threaten.

"If you don't find another husband, I'll marry you" he jokes.

"That's not the proposal I want" you huff.

"Alright, fine, but I better be your man of honor in your wedding," he jokes. "Come here" he smirks, hiding his nerves as he grabs your face softly.

"Fine" you say, ignoring the way your heart is jumping as you close your eyes.

You feel his nose touch yours for a second, giving you time to regret this if you needed to. Then, he locks his lips on yours in a sweet kiss. You have to fight back the smile that wants to form on your face. And you kiss him back, hands on his chest.

Seconds after, you think he'd break apart, but he keeps moving his lips slowly against yours. You don't stop either.

Jonathan and Nancy walk away quietly with surprised and yet pleased faces on, to give you privacy.

Eddie's hands move to your waist as the kiss becomes more than just a peck, tongues meeting softly now. Your hands fly up to his hair, bringing him slightly closer. He brings you closer too as he wraps his arms around your waist.

The kiss is no longer shy. Both getting lost on each other, you make the best of the situation. Letting out some secret feelings into the kiss.

You break out for air finally. Not moving more than necessary. His hands still on your waist and yours still tangled in his curls. Faces still millimeters apart.

"U- um" you let out.

"Yeah" Eddie says uncomfortably as he makes more space between you too, losing the embrace.

"Dishes" you remember.

a/n: these are the rings:

"Yeah, right" he shakes his head out of the trance.

[yanderefarm]

yandere fanboy introduction

cw;; murder, cannibalism, gore, violence

here's noemie the 2nd goth boyfriend of my dreams. this one is shorter bc I decided to omit the nsfw segment this time. the drawing is the face he made when he asked you to eat him.

noemie is a gay goth boy who became obsessed with the local legend after finding out his father secretly deals with him.

his family is well off and shady as all hell. they're the kind of rich people who hunt other humans for sport.

after finding out about his family's dealings he immediately became obsessed with your legend doing all kinds of research on you. eventually he decided he wanted to see what you were actually like in person so he suggested his friends do the test of courage.

you did not disappoint! he was just a fan before but as soon as he met you he knew he loved you and would do anything for you.

his friends were about to light the building on fire when he found them and killed them both. he wasn't strong enough to drag them along with him so unfortunately their meat couldn't be used.

he made his own mask so he wouldn't be recognized by anyone while he helps you out. and he loves to help you out. anything you need he'll do it.

he's considered premium meats because he's got a nice distribution of fat and muscle. that's why his nickname is piggy!

he's an obsessed fanboy through and through. he collects your belongings, takes pictures of you when you're not paying attention, built a shrine to you.

he makes fancams out of grainy dark footage that's speculated to be you. like a true stan.

he gets jealous everytime he watches you put someone on a meat hook. he gets REALLY jealous if you keep someone in your pig pens as livestock.

he gets upset when you call other people premium meat but he's trying to get over that. they might be good meat but he's the only one that belongs solely to you.

his dad knows about your arrangement but he's too scared to confront you and tell you to leave his son alone. he will not let noemie live in the slaughter house that's off limits.

noemie is actually a big fan of ajax's onlyfans videos. he just tends to imagine it's you.

definitely a panty thief. will steal your underwear and any other clothes and keep them as part of his shrine.

he's a more typical yandere. his sickness comes from his obsession and devotion to you. he'll kill anyone to make you love him. if his own father got in his way he'd kill him with remorse.

[knavesflames]

PLSPSLSOLD ARLECCHINO WHISPERING DIRTY THINGS INTO FEM READERS EAR WHILE SHE RIDES HER DICK

HELLOOOO sorry I’ve been a bit absent I just was super super busy :-( but here you go!! This situation got me thinking thoughts frfr

Contents: dick riding, praise, reader just wants to make cupcakes omg

Word count: 1135

Nsft utc<3

When you were baking this morning, you certainly didn’t expect to end up where you are now. I mean, surely it’s expected by now, with Arlecchino as your girlfriend. You should know by now that she’s prone to suddenly coming up behind you and turning you into putty with a few simple touches and whispers against your ear. But the cupcakes, you protest, but by the time you finish your sentence, you’re already breathless, the back of your dress slowly unzipping, thanks to the charred hands belonging to Arlecchino. Her nails softly scratch at the skin of your back, a place she knows you adore. And you prove that, by shuddering at the sensation, a smirk spreading on her face. The cupcakes are half forgotten by now as she leads you away from the kitchen with her hand on your arm, lips brushing against your ear with every step she takes, the sound of heels on wood echoing the suddenly quiet room.

Before you can blink (or that’s what it feels like) her lips are on yours, moving in the perfect rhythm as her hand brushes against the shoulder of your dress. Already unzipped, it falls, past your shoulder, resting at your elbow and revealing the top part of your breast. She doesn’t hesitate in catching a nipple in her mouth, sucking and swiping her tongue over the ever hardening bud.

“So needy, hm?”

Her voice is a low rumble, one filled with amusement and desire she can’t seem to hide. Her hands take purchase around your waist, and you bury your head in her neck as you feel your hands fumbling with the belt of her trousers. She lets you fumble, your nipples now rolling between her thumb and forefinger, her lips ghosting the shell of your ear.

“Are you so excited you’ve forgotten how to undo a belt, love?”

You grumble in response, but your breath is taken away when she pinches your nipple, motivating you to hurry up, already. Hurry is what you do, your head rising to catch her lips in another kiss, fast, needy, passionate. Her belt finally comes loose, her buttons undone, and she bites back a groan as her dick springs out, hitting her lower stomach. Instead, she breathes out harshly, her hands finding your waist again as she sits on the abundance of blankets and pillows (your choice, of course, she doesn’t see a need for it, but she secretly adores the smile you develop when you find a new pillow you like). Her hands drag her on to you, two fingers making their way between your legs, dragging across your slit to collect the slick that’s been gathered there. She hums in approval, giving herself a few pumps, distributing said stick to her dick from her fingers before she speaks.

“You’re soaked. We haven’t even started and you’re making a mess.”

You whimper quietly in response as she drags the tip across your slit, teasing you. Your hips move, grinding against it, your head falling forward as your face twists in pleasure. She lets you, her breathing speeding up, though she remains silent. When Arlecchino decides you’re finished with that, she doesn’t even give you a warning, slipping herself into you and letting out a sharp puff of air the same time you groan. Your head falls into her neck once more as she starts gently, small, shallow thrusts.

“God, you’re good. So good, good girl.”

Her voice is strained, it isn’t difficult to tell she’s holding back on making any sounds at all. Why she does this, you don’t know, but it’s so much hotter watching her face of struggle, her head tilted back, her eyes closed and her mouth open in silent moans. Her hands tighten around your waist, her sharp, sharp nails threatening to dig into the soft skin that lays upon you. She lets you do the work, riding her and getting what you need, but she’s so close to just holding you there and thrusting into you instead. She likes control, she likes to control the pace, and most of all, she likes to be the one to control when you orgasm over her.

“Keep riding me, pretty girl. You’re taking me so well. You can take all of me, look at you. Your pretty cunt is so greedy for me.”

Only she knows how much she loves whispering to you while you ride her, how much she loves watching your cheeks dust with pink, and your mouth opening and closing, only to open in a quiet moan. You and her both know the praise she gives you only spurs you on. You ride harder, the sound of skin meeting skin sounding over and over again as you bounce on her, a little harder every so often when Arlecchino can’t help but spear you on her cock.

And when your legs start trembling, your grip on her shoulders gets tighter and your moans get louder, she finally, finally lets out a grunt of pleasure, her hands shifting just slightly to position herself right before she stops your movements. Not a second of hesitation occurs before her hips start moving, thrusting up into you again and again. She makes sure the tip of her nestles into that spongy spot inside of you again and again, relishing in the mewls and moans coming from your pretty lips.

“Good girl. Good fucking girl. Take it, doll, I know you can.”

Her thrusts stay fast until you cry out, a signal that your orgasm is fast approaching, sweat beading on your forehead. She changes her pattern, hard, slow and deep, just to prolong the pleasure, just enough to make you wait.

“Do you want to cum, pretty girl?”

A nod so urgent and a gasping breath, a shaky “yes” ringing out so loud it sounds like the walls are speaking back, and her thrusts return to their original pace.

“Then cum. Cum all over my cock. You make such pretty faces when you cum, so keep your eyes open. Keep them open or I stop.”

You know she isn’t joking. She’s done it before, stopped and waited. Cockwarmed you until the high of the almost orgasm ebbed away before starting again, the same command in place. So, your eyes stay open, rolling back as the peak of the orgasm crashes over you like waves hitting the sand. Her thrusts slow to a stop, her lips meeting yours once again, though this time, slow and loving as you come back to reality, as both of you calm down. Once you do, her fingers caress your hair, moving it behind your ear as she kisses your forehead, her voice murmuring once more with a hint of a chuckle in it.

“Now, those cupcakes. Are they chocolate?”

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

academic rivals d.g.

Pairing: Dick Grayson as Robin x Reader

Warnings: Some injuries.

Word Count: 4.3K

A/N: Full discretion this idea was given to me by an anon and even though I said I wasn't taking requests I just couldn't resist.

Also @writing2sirvive I hope you find this offer acceptable after not writing for our baby for so long 😭😭

There was always a slight pinch of anxiety when your teacher went around the class, handing back your test papers after grading them and you waited with slightly bated breath, a fist clutching the fabric of your uniform.

Even though you knew you had done well on the exam, you were particularly unnerved by her declaration before distributing the stack of papers that only one person had managed to get a perfect score.

You kept your eyes trained on your desk, waiting for someone behind you to exclaim that they had gotten a 100% but it never came. Not until your teacher had placed your paper in front of you with a soft 'Good job'.

You beamed, barely able to contain your excitement as you waited for the bell to ring.

Of course, you were over the moon that you got a 100. And that you were the only person in the entire class that managed to get one.

But secretly, you were more elated by the fact that someone else didn't.

"Aw, what's wrong Grayson? Your daddy finally run out of money to bribe your teachers with?" You snarked as soon as you caught a glance of the 93 written in red at the top of his paper.

"Sub-par insult, (L/N)." He said flatly.

"I disagree, nothing about me is sub-par, as you can clearly see." A sly grin on your face as you waved your paper with '100' in his face. He rolled his eyes so far back you couldn't resist making a comment, "Roll your eyes as hard as you want, Grayson, you won't be able to find a brain back there."

His friend, Barbara, who was sitting beside him chuckled at this and he turned to her with an irritated glare, "Can I help you?"

She gave him a teasing smile, unnerved by his annoyance toward her, "Oh, nothing, I'm just eagerly waiting for the day you both stop pretending you hate each other and start dating."

It seemed like her comment had just the effect she had wanted when Dick choked on his spit in his haste to argue that even if you were the last person on Earth, he wouldn't go near you with a 10-foot-pole.

"I'm not too happy to agree with you, Grayson but I, very fortunately, have a boyfriend."

His face twisted, "Gross, who'd wanna date you?"

You gave him a fake smile, "Hopefully, not you."

***

"Recognized: Domino, B-08."

You squealed in joy the second the light faded from your eyes, gaze landing on your boyfriend who stood right outside the zeta tube with a giant smile on his face.

You threw your arms around Robin's neck with a giggle, peppering his lips with smiley kisses that he so enthusiastically returned, his arms snug around your waist.

"Do you guys have to do this every time?" Came Conner's unimpressed voice as he shuffled uncomfortably around the two of you making out, "Can you at least stop doing it in the middle of the entrance? People are trying to get places."

You pulled away with a soft blush, smiling at the sight of your sparkly lip gloss on Robin's mouth and his slightly dazed expression. There was nothing like your kisses that was able to knock the vigilante's world off its axis and it had been this way ever since you started dating 10 months ago.

The pair of you were still very much in the honeymoon phase, much to the chagrin of your teammates, who have walked in on you many times while your lips were practically glued to each other.

"How was your day?" Robin finally asked when you had each gotten your fair share of kisses, leading you to the kitchen for a snack before the mission briefing and you beamed, "Amazing! I got a perfect score on that test from last week!"

He raised a brow, "The one that you skipped a date to study for?"

Smiling, you nodded, "The very one."

He sighed, taking a box out of the fridge, "See? I told you that you'd do great! You probably didn't even need to skip our date."

You rolled your eyes, giggling at his pout that you were all too quick to kiss away, "Hey now, I made it up to you, didn't I?"

Nodding, he pushed the box further toward you with a smile, "You did. Which is why I got you this, but I guess it could be for a job well done too."

You gasped when you saw the squiggles of the familiar logo of your favourite bakery on the top of the box and eagerly opened it up, completely missing the fact that it had been sealed with tape and nearly ripping the carboard to shreds in order to get to the treats inside.

The smell of the strawberry shortcake and red velvet cupcake had you salivating, and you wasted to time before digging in.

"Ugh, I love you." You moaned, nearly dissolving into the symphony of flavours and Robin chuckled swiping some of the cream cheese frosting off your cheek before licking it off his thumb, "Are you talking to me or the cupcake?"

You paused, glancing up at him from the cupcake wrapper, "I can love more than one thing."

His affectionate gaze had you melting, forgetting the delicious treat for a second, "Thank you for the gift, I really love it."

Robin happily accepted the sugary kiss you had given him, "Well, I figured, since it had been a while since we had a date in Gotham, you'd be craving it."

You only took another bite of the cupcake to hide your guilty wince. While the list of details you didn't know about your boyfriend was limitless, starting with his name and ending with literally anything else, you felt guilty that he somehow knew even less about you.

At least you knew what city he lived in while he was under the impression that you lived in Star City with Dinah, your mentor. You really thought he wouldn't buy it, especially after he didn't believe Artemis the first time.

But nearly a year after joining the team it would seem that he was still blissfully unaware, and you were planning to reveal your identity to him soon enough. You were firm that you wouldn't be celebrating your one-year anniversary without knowing each other's names at least.

At least once he found out you were living in the same city, you'd be able to have more frequent dates.

"Team to mission room." You heard over the PA, and you grabbed the box with you to the meet Batman and Canary along with the team, unwilling to leave your precious strawberry shortcake at the hands of Wally. This way you'd be able to dislocate his shoulder the second he put his hands on your things.

When you entered the room to find a face that you recognized on the holoscreen, you paused and glanced at Artemis who shrugged in response.

"Leo 'The Lion' Stark, the leader of the cult that was kidnapping young girls was officially incarcerated this morning."

Cheers erupted around the room, and you passed the box in your hands to your boyfriend to high-five Artemis and bring her into a hug. Black Canary patted the both of you on the shoulder, "Job well done on this mission, you two."

The mission that led to his arrest had been an undercover op with both you and Artemis posing as the girls from the private school that was being targeted. Eventually, you were able to find the leader and put a stop to his entire organization.

You had never seen Robin more fearful for your life than during this mission and it was after it that you had said your first I love you's.

"Today's mission is a covert op. For stealth, I will only be sending two members of the team: Robin and Domino."

Robin sent you a smile and you squeezed your interlocked fingers underneath the table.

"If they can stop kissing long enough to actually get the mission done." Conner grumbled underneath his breath and was rewarded with a swift kick to the knee.

***

It happened too quickly.

Everything was going fine. The mission was well underway, and you had observed them long enough to know where they were keeping their illegal servers. All that was left was to input your program that would upload all their data wirelessly so it could be accessed by the league.

Then it all went wrong, all at once.

You don't even remember much of what happened. All you knew is that when you had least expected it, someone had snuck up on you and you had felt your stomach squeeze with a painful terror that you hadn't experienced in a long time upon being caught off-guard.

"The Lion sends his greetings."

What followed was a series of excruciating shocks up your body that had your heartbeat ceasing in your chest and the movement of every single muscle came to a standstill such that you couldn't even make a sound come out of your throat.

You didn't even have the time to think about anything before you lost consciousness, the last thought flashing through your head being your worry for Robin.

And then every single pulse in your head came to an abrupt end.

“Come on hero, come on!” Robin panted as he continued to pump his hands against your chest, counting down the beats in his head to the compressions, “Baby please, please wake up!”

He was in tears, even though he tried to control them, but he had been looking at your unconscious face for the last 30 minutes as he continuously tried to revive you. His stomach was in knots and his chest felt like it was on fire, but he still didn’t quit, he wouldn’t until he passed out himself.

Before he could even stop himself, he was sobbing and the wails he let out erased the count he was keeping in his head, “Someone please help! Please help.”

His communicator lay discarded only a couple of feet beside him, but he couldn’t take his hands off you for a second, he couldn’t mess up the beat, he couldn’t stop the chest compressions because you’d die; and he’d die right alongside you.

“Robin, come in. Robin, can you hear me?”

His chest collapsed in a fit of sobs as soon as he heard the sound of his mentor come through from the communicator. The device beeped with the sound that alerted him of an override indicating that his mentor could now listen in.

“Batman help! She’s not breathing! I don't think she has a pulse! I’m trying to do CPR but she’s not awaking up! Please help!”

“Hang in there, Robin. Someone will be there in five.”

***

"She's alive but her brain was deprived of oxygen for a while so we can't accurately put a time frame on when she could wake up." Batman explained, his voice as stiff as concrete like always but the hand he placed on his ward's shoulder was warm and comforting.

There were so many questions rushing through Robin's head, but he kept silent because a part of him already knew the answer. This wasn't the first time he had seen something like this, while being Robin he had seen countless families, parents, spouses, receive the same news.

The distraught questions would usually follow: would take months? years? is there a chance that she could never wake up? is there anything he could do?

He wanted to ask Batman anyway, he wanted Batman to lie and say that everything would be okay, that the girl he loved would wake up soon and he just had to wait but he knew better than anyone that was all it would be. Lies.

There were those that were fortunate enough for their loved one to eventually wake up. Others would be forced to watch life go by while their loved ones were imprisoned to a bed with the empty hope that one day they'd wake up.

So, he swallowed down all his questions, Adam's apple bobbing painfully in his throat, "Can I see her?"

His father nodded, leading him to the med-bay with one hand on his back. Robin felt his stomach sink with every step he took, staring sullenly at his sock-clad feet. In his rush to change after the mission so he could get to you as soon as possible, he had thrown on anything he could find.

Which resulted in him being dressed in your sweatpants and his hoodie that you had stolen so often it smelt like you; a combination that both comforted him and broke his heart all at once.

When he saw you from the door, a rush of epiphanies struck through him like lightning to a metal rod. Although, first and foremost, he was just relieved to see you. Even though it hurt him to see you unconscious, and he knew that there was a chance he'd never get to see you awake again, a part of him forgot all about that as soon as he saw you.

He took quick steps toward you, wanting nothing more than to feel your skin against his when he stopped in his tracks once again with wide eyes, realizing you were without your mask.

"Robin?"

"I-I know her. (Y/N) (L/N), s-she's in my class." He stammered, staring at your relaxed features with his mouth hanging open. As odd as it sounded, this was the first time he had ever seen you, as (Y/N), so relaxed.

Whether it was a scowl or even just a grimace, you always seemed to be frowning at him and he never bothered to pay any attention to you outside of classes, when you were talking with your friends. He was sure you'd have a mesmerizing grin, one that would reach your beautiful eyes.

Batman stayed silent behind him, and Dick wondered just how many times Bruce had heard him talking shit about the love of his life, having to keep silent to respect your privacy. His cheeks coloured, remembering the conversation from this morning, where he had claimed that he would never touch you even with a 10-foot pole.

If only he had known that he had been pressed against the same girl so many nights prior.

"Does it matter?" Batman asked, snapping him out of his mortified state where he remembered every single insult he had ever directed at you, either to your face or behind your back.

To anyone else, it would have sounded like a shallow question, but Dick knew his father was concerned about whether his feelings would have changed, whether your identity did matter to him more than your relationship or his love for you.

He swallowed, walking up to your bedside, and gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face and for the first time in his life, he took in all your features. It was startling how quickly his worst enemy became the most beautiful person in the world.

"No, it doesn't."

***

You could see the bright light even though your eyes were shut. There was nothing more you wanted than to slip back into your deep slumber but for some reason your consciousness began trickling back into your head in a gentle stream.

You squirmed, brows pinching together in a frown as you murmured something unintelligible, features twitching until finally your eyes began to flutter open.

"(Y/N)?" You heard and your hand was squeezed by someone you couldn't quite place. Your vision was still quite blurry, and you were extremely disoriented. Still, you tried to blink through the hazy shapes in your sight and you managed to recognize a familiar head of black hair.

"Baby?" You breathed out, sighing in relief when he pressed a kiss to your knuckles, "Thank goodness you're okay."

Right before you had lost consciousness, a thought had flashed into your head. Robin would never abandon you there, no matter what had happened to you, if you had died or just lost consciousness.

You worried that in his effort to stick by you, he'd be hurt or worse.

"Me? (Y/N), you were unconscious for two days! Do you have any idea how worried I've been?!"

If you had been any more conscious, you probably would've been concerned over the way his voice broke in grief and his heartbroken words but in your exhaustion, all you could do was give him a silly smile, wishing your eyes could focus long enough for you to see his beautiful face.

"I'm okay now, I'm okay."

"I didn't think you would be." He confessed, pressing another kiss to your fingertips, holding your hand gingerly but still in a firm grip in between both of his. Like he was scared you'd evaporate and disappear before his eyes.

"I'm okay, baby. Just a little sleepy." You told him, feeling your consciousness slip further and further away as your blinks began to get longer and longer and your strength began to disappear, "You'll be here when I wake up, right?"

He nodded, voice thick with unshed tears even though you couldn't see him, "Yeah. I'll be right here."

***

This time when you woke, you felt much more refreshed than you had before. Your head didn't feel like it was nailed to the pillow anymore, but it felt like you had lead in your veins which was expected considering you had been unconscious for days.

Despite his promise, Robin was nowhere to be found when you finally sat up, stretching your arms as much as you could, careful of the IV in your hand. Your eyes darted around the familiar med-bay, trying to catch a glance of the clock by craning your neck but was ultimately unsuccessful.

Was it a weekday? Was it school hours? Was that why Robin wasn't at your side like you had asked him? What about you? What excuse had Batman given the school to explain your sudden absence? Were your parents aware that you had been injured?

The endless barrage of questions was silenced to a mum when you heard the door slide open and you sighed in relief, noticing the head of black hair first, "I believe you promised to be here when I wo—!"

Dick Grayson was beaming at you and in certain angles of the light, his blue eyes almost looked glossy with tears, but you shook your head unconsciously. Why would he be crying at the sight of you?

'Because you're so ugly the sight is making my eyes water.' Would have been his classic response and you practically rolled your eyes at the thought.

"(Y/N), you're awake!" He took a step closer, and you flinched.

"Stop right there!" He quite literally froze in his steps, he might as well have been encased in ice at the receiving end of your cold glare, "What the hell are you doing here, Grayson?"

He paused and somehow you were annoyed by the dumbfounded look on his face while multiple scenarios ran through your head. A concussion, brain injury or something along that likeness. Perhaps the part of your brain responsible for recognizing faces was damaged and this wasn't actually Dick Grayson. Amnesia, possibly? Maybe you were actually good friends with him but managed to forget it all? Of course, there was always the possibility this was a dream.

Your brow twitched at his lack of response, "I asked you a question."

At your terse tone, it seemed like he was finally able to snap himself out of his stupor, "(Y/N), baby, it's me."

You scowled, "Don't call me that and speak clearly; the hell do you mean by 'me'?"

"Baby," He said again, so firmly that you were silenced in your effort to snap at him again, "It's me."

Dick watched as your face melted from an expression of disgruntled bewilderment to the smallest sliver of recognition. Your eyes raked over his body, only now noticing that he was in short sleeves, and you were able to see the familiar scar on his forearm that belonged to your boyfriend. The little patch of freckles near his elbow that you had traced with your finger so many times before.

Your voice was small when you called him again, "Rob?"

He nodded and your eyes went wide, not quite able to believe it. Your boyfriend stood stiffly, berating himself for not handling this better. He had very quickly gotten over the fact that his girlfriend was his greatest rival in high school while he watched your unconscious face for the past couple of days, waiting for you to wake up.

It had completely slipped his mind that you were still unaware of his identity, and he swallowed nervously. Sure, it was something he could easily put past him but were you the same?

Robin knew you inside and out, he knew how much you loved him, but he didn't know how just much you hated Dick Grayson. Was that hate enough to overpower your love for him?

You stared at him in surprise for only a minute, but it felt like hours to him before you closed your eyes and leaned your head back, "Wow."

"This-This doesn't change anything right?" He began, feeling the lump in his throat grow three sizes larger when you turned to him with an expression that was not a reassuring smile like he had wanted.

"Are you kidding? This changes everything! Barbara is never going to let us hear the end of this. And my friends? Oh, they've hated you ever since that incident during our group presentations." You exclaimed, fingers twitching, and Dick knew it was because you wanted to flail your arms around but couldn't because of the IV.

He bit his lip. You weren't outright rejecting him or anything, but he needed to hear you say it and he needed to hear it as soon as possible.

"No—(Y/N), does this change anything between us?"

You paused, stopping in the middle of your tangent to give him a confused glance, "Between us? No. Why would it?"

And just like that, the tension in his muscles evaporated away and he relaxed, approaching to your side like he wanted to and interlacing your fingers, "I love you."

You finally smiled at him, leaning to kiss his lips, "I love you more, even though you said I was gross and that no one would ever want to date me."

"Well, to be fair you said you'd hope I never did, so I guess we're even."

***

"Hey, stranger." It really didn't make sense that after almost a year of dating, your boyfriend's voice still managed to send shivers down your spine. You closed your locker shut before turning to meet the beautiful blue eyes that you grew to love.

It was scary how quickly you completely rewired your brain into loving every single feature belonging to Dick Grayson.

"Hi, Grayson."

His eyes dipped to your lips for a second, mentally scolding himself for turning to putty the second you said his last name. It was weird how the last time you both were in school together, he thought that the sound of his name coming from your mouth was like nails on a chalkboard.

Now, he felt like he had been blessed just by being in your presence.

"I have all the assignments and notes that you missed the past week." You had been ordered bed rest and some physiotherapy to regain complete mobility after being unconscious for a couple of days. Under your boyfriend's watchful care, he had dutifully nursed you back to health.

You smiled when he handed you the stack of papers even though the heft of it made you want to cry. All this work from just a week? All the AP classes you had been taking in order to compete with your own boyfriend had come back to bite you in the ass.

"Thank you. Can I come over later so you can help me out with it?"

It was really a formality that you were asking because you both knew he was obviously going to say yes. But you figured you'd do the polite thing and ask the first time. After today though his room would practically be yours, just as your room would now be his personal hideout.

"Of course, baby. I've been dying to introduce you to Alfred. We can go back to mine together after school."

You nodded, starting when you heard the bell, "I have Physics." You bemoaned, it being the only class Dick didn't take with you. He had opted for a language instead, which you were beginning to think was more useful than whatever you learnt anyway.

He gave you a smile, eyes twinkling when he slanted his lips over yours in a soft kiss and you had to pull away quickly before you forgot just where you were.

His disappointed pout was all too quick to disappear when you reminded him that you'd be going home with him that day, "I'll see you later."

The two of you parted ways with delirious smiles, feeling too much like you were wafting on cloud nine, completely unbeknownst to the small crowd of people that watching your entire interaction with wide eyes.

Barbara, who was stood at the centre of the flock, smirked, and held out her hand, "Pay up bitches."

***

Bonus:

"I'm surprised you didn't figure out her identity earlier, Dick. Aren't you supposed to be a great detective?" Wally teased and your boyfriend rolled his eyes.

"It's not that I couldn't find out, I just didn't try."

"How come?"

He spared you a glance and shrugged, "She asked me not to."

"I don't remember you offering me the same consideration." Artemis sniped but he knew it was all in good nature.

"You aren't nearly as pretty." He replied coolly, making you blush.

***

Forever Taglist:

@simonsbluee

@notslaybabes

@superheroesaremyjam113263

@writers-whirlwind

DC Taglist:

@emmacata

@p--e--a--c--h--e--s

@sometimeseverythingsucks

@sokkas-honour

@unstable1902

@lostgirlheart

@missdisapear

@tadpole-san

@isawachickeninatree

@uxavity

@battlenix

@capricorn-stark

@evermoore580

@dumbbitchgalore

@fuckingjinkies

@some-lovely-day

[nereidprinc3ss]

okay i know this is kind of a specific request but can you do something with professor Spence and uni reader where they get into a spat and argue bc she did something stupid and he gets mad and she’s like “noooo pls don’t be mad i hate when you’re mad at me I’m sorry🥺” bc she literally cannot function knowing she let him down (me with everybody) but he’s like super stubborn and goes all closed up and quiet so that he doesn’t like blow up on her until she finally says like “pls talk to me” and he’s all pissed and like “hell na bitch u crazy!🗣️‼️” but then later he’s like “it’s ok i love u but neva do that shit again ho” then they make up and it’s good again 🎀 ok i explained that so poorly (and comedically if i may) but i hope u get it and pls make it SO DRAMATIC bc I live for drama! like she steals test answers or something or does something that could like get her kicked out of school OR him lose his job 🤔 sigh … idk I’m leaving now. Also i LOOPOOOCE ORRKGOOVI love your fics. Luv em

hey girl (gender neutral) this made me laugh bc genuinely sometimes i write spencer so ooc that is what he sounds like. and i'm not sorry! anyway this is potentially a vyvanse fueled nightmare but i wrote it and i'm posting it MY BLOG MY RULES BITCHESSSS!!!! but genuinely read the content warning LMAO this one got a lil kick to it

warnings/tags: ANGST, HURT/COMFORT, fem!reader, spencer and r get into a for real argument like they're mean to each other, spencer is a lil toxic but its resolved, emotionally neglects reader just for a teeensy second but then he's really nice and sweet again, discussion of his past addic+ion, gets fluffy because i'm not EVIL, gets suggestive at the end bc i am secretly evil.......

a/n: i don't know whats happening. this confuses me just as much as it confuses you. its 3 am in the morning. im gonna post nice happy things soon. Gootbye

“I cannot believe you right now. I don’t even—I don’t even know what to say.” 

“Spencer, you don’t have to say anything. It has nothing to do with you, and I’m not looking for your approval.” 

He looks up from where he’d been rubbing his temples, like you’re a headache, eyebrows raised and lips parted in indignant disbelief. 

“Oh! You’re not looking for my approval? Well thank god for that, because if you were one of my students I would recommend expulsion to the board.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me? I just said I don’t care about your opinion on this, much less your hypothetical opinion from some alternate universe where you have any authority over my education whatsoever.” 

“You distributed an answer key to half of your class! Objectively this is the kind of thing that gets people expelled. I don’t understand how someone so smart could do something so fucking stupid.” 

The words bite more than you were prepared for—but what hurts even more is how much he seems to mean them. In arguments past you’d both said things you didn’t mean, and then would immediately melt into I’m so sorry’s and the fight would resolve itself. Spencer’s clenched jaw and inability to make eye contact with you do not lend themselves to tender apologies. They cannot be attributed to miscommunication. 

You take a step closer to where he’s bracing himself against the countertop, arms crossed defensively in front of your chest. 

“Spencer, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was such a big deal. People cheat in college all the time.” 

Still no reply. His head shakes so minutely you wonder if you’re imagining it. Panic wells in your chest. 

“Please talk to me. I really hate when you ice me out. I’m sorry, okay? Just... please say something.” 

Finally, his eyes slide to you. They lack the fiery anger of moments ago but there’s not much softness there either. His normally warm gaze now feels too abrasive, too cold and sharp on your bare skin. You're exposed, much too soft for that grating look, and it feels like he can see everything that’s wrong with you. 

“Believe me when I tell you this. I am doing us both a favor by not speaking to you right now.” 

And then he’s leaving the kitchen—nothing but a breeze against your cheek and the sound of a door slamming to prove he was ever there. 

The apartment is silent. You stand in the middle of the kitchen, unsure of what to do next. Spencer very, very rarely gets angry at you to the point of neglect, and you know he’s doing his best with what was modelled for him as a child and his tendency to feel things so deeply it’s nearly disabling; but that doesn’t make it hurt much less. It doesn’t make you feel less abandoned or alone.  

You’re sad, and you’re still pissed, and maybe you’re in just a bit of shock as you robotically move back to your nest of blankets on the couch and resume your schoolwork. What else is there to do? Unless Spencer is right—unless you really are about to get expelled after getting the answer key for an upcoming test from a friend, who then gave it to another friend, and so on. But is that really your fault?  

It’s a struggle to stay focused as your mind keeps drifting back to Spencer in the other room, those cruel words and that cold steely look in his eye that isn’t supposed to ever be aimed at you. It’s not a secret that side of him exists, but it doesn’t belong in this apartment. It’s not something he needs to use against you. He’s supposed to be on your side. But instead, he’d said you should be expelled and essentially called you stupid. And now you’re doing homework for a class at a school you may not even be a student of come Monday. 

---------------------------------------------------

The sound of the office door opening forty-five minutes later spikes your blood pressure and simultaneously makes your heart flutter, because no matter how mad at him you might be, Spencer is still Spencer.  

He comes to stand behind the couch quietly, but you don’t acknowledge him. Maybe your typing gets a bit more aggressive, but aside from that you flat out reject his presence. 

“Can we talk?” 

You let him sweat for a minute as you finish your paragraph. 

“I don’t know, Spencer. Can we? Or are you not done with your temper tantrum?” 

“That is... well deserved,” he sighs, rounding the couch and tapping the bottom of your foot, signaling that he wants you to move your legs. You despise how automatically you comply, pulling your knees to your chest to avoid touching him as he sits next to you. There’s a long moment of silence, in which you resume typing. Spencer scoffs, leaning in slightly to peer at your screen. “Are you doing homework right now? I’m a complete asshole to you and you just... do your homework?"

“What the fuck else was I supposed to do?” you almost-yell, slamming your laptop shut and blinking away potential tears. “The only person I wanted to talk to called me stupid and fucking left!” 

The tears realize their potential once you admit the blunt truth. 

Spencer carefully moves your laptop and pulls you into his arms—and you just let him. There’s not much fight left in you. There wasn’t a lot to begin with. 

“I am so sorry, angel. You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have yelled, I shouldn’t have said what I said, I shouldn’t have walked away. I overreacted.” 

“Yeah, you really did,” you cry, allowing him to run his hand over your hair. “Why did you do that? Why were you so fucking mean?” 

His voice shakes slightly as he responds, betraying his own anxieties, and a new, unwelcome sense of trepidation slithers through your veins. 

“I was wondering that, too. Even as I was saying it, I knew—I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to be saying. And then I was in the other room and I wanted to be out here, and I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t. But I think I was just scared. Which—I know, doesn’t really make sense, but... I think about when Ethan dropped out of the academy, and ended up doing heroin in New Orleans for three years, and I think about when I almost left the BAU because I was so convinced I’d never get clean that I didn’t even want to anymore, and—and the idea of you losing your education and your direction like that terrified me, probably unreasonably, and I took it out on you. And I’m sorry.” 

“But I’m not like you or Ethan. You don’t have to worry about that. Even if I... even I do get in some sort of disciplinary trouble. That’s a road you don’t have to worry about me going down, ever.” 

He fixes some unseen wrinkle on your shirt.  

“Yeah, but, remember... I used to not be like me or Ethan either. Do you think twelve-year-old Spencer would have ever even considered that of the infinite realities and universes which exist, he was living in one where someday he’d be shooting up in the bathroom at work?” 

“Mm-mm,” you hum, shaking your head and burying your face in Spencer’s shoulder. The sound is more of a plea for him to be less descriptive than an answer to his rhetorical question. It’s still much easier for him to talk about that part of his life than it is for you to have to actually imagine it. You didn’t know him then, but you’ve seen pictures, and you know Spencer now, and it’s... it’s just too much. Too sad. 

“Okay,” he agrees soothingly, still playing with your hair. “I digress. My point is that literally anything is possible, and while it’s not necessarily likely, I more than anyone know that anxiety even over the most improbable of things is never completely unfounded.”  

You sniffle in response, too emotionally and physically exhausted to contribute much to the conversation by this point. Thankfully, Spencer can talk for two. An idiosyncrasy which you love and comes in handy every once in a while. He can play his own devil’s advocate; in this case, you. 

“But that doesn’t mean I get to take it out on you. Ever. I truly, truly, sincerely apologize for that. I never want to hurt you.” 

You let the apology sink into your skin like a salve, soothing every abrasion those earlier words had left in their violent wake. 

After a few minutes, you find the energy to ask a question that might best remain unanswered. 

“Are you still mad at me?” 

He’s quiet for a beat, seemingly contemplative as his fingers trace abstract patterns in a language all his own on your arm. 

“I’m not thrilled. But you were right earlier. It’s not my place to be mad at you for something like that.” 

“Mm... it’s a little bit your place. You’re an actual professor.” 

He chuckles. 

“At an entirely different university.” 

“Thank god,” you laugh. “You and me at the same school would be such an HR clusterfuck.”

While it’s almost a serious matter, the smile in his voice is evident. 

“Yeah... I, uh... try not to think about it.” 

“Okay, but seriously. In your professional opinion. Am I fucked? Like, do I need to prepare an appeal and character witnesses or whatever?” 

Spencer sighs. 

“It was incredibly reckless and irresponsible. You should be ready for disciplinary pushback from the schoolboard if you get caught. That being said... because over sixty of you got a hold of the answer key, I doubt anyone is getting expelled, and even if they did, it would likely only be the TA and the student he gave the key to. It’s my tentative, professional opinion that you’ll probably be fine.” 

You relax slightly, allowing a tension you didn’t realize was there to shed like an old skin. 

“I’m not gonna cheat again,” you promise on an exhale. It’s simply too much risk for too little reward.

Spencer’s response is quiet, and comes much faster than you’d expected. 

“Oh, I know you aren’t. Because if you do, you’re going to have to worry about disciplinary action from me. And I’m not nearly as nice as the dean of your school, darling girl.” 

But something about the way he says it—a thinly veiled threat/promise contrasted by a sweet kiss to your forehead—doesn’t exactly make academic honesty look all that exciting.