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bomberqueen17 · 9 months ago

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sketchy grocery store shit: a very middle-aged rant

Man so. I went to college in Rochester and so I did my first I'm An Adult Shopping For My Own Groceries shopping in a Wegmans. I got used to the way the store works, how things were laid out. And of course, i got a Shopper's Club card.

I still have it somewhere, use it occasionally, but I had to get another one when I misplaced it because they asked what phone number it was tied to and like, man, it was a Rochester number with a 716 area code, that's how long ago it was. (It's 585 there now.)

I got conditioned to try the Wegmans brand generic for whatever brand name thing I was buying, because it was often the same, and was cheaper. (Though, RIP to the old Wegmans box mac n cheese, they enshittified that in 1999 once we were all good and hooked and we all mourned and switched to Annie's and never looked back. Maybe it's better now but I don't rely on that stuff the way I used to.) I got conditioned to always swipe the card because sure they were collecting data on you but in a $70 trip I'd save five bucks easy, it wasn't nothing! And I also learned to look for their Family Packs, which were larger containers of the same item for less per unit-- if it was something not that perishable, or something you could get through, it was worth spending a little more now to stretch it later!

Anyway. I went to Wegmans yesterday, I live in Buffalo now and we have them here too, and we have a rotation of grocery stores we patronize but when I do the shopping, I'm still the most used to Wegmans, I know where stuff is, and I knew some of the stuff I wanted, they'd be the ones to have. (The organic co-op doesn't carry Doritos and sometimes in the doldrums of winter a bitch needs some of that poison, y'know?)

I'd noticed before that the Shoppers Club isn't a savings thing anymore. I didn't have my own card for one visit and the cashier went to great lengths to get me a swipe from a manager, and at the end I'd spent $200 and saved.... fifty cents.

This time around I'd taken advantage of a buy one get one deal to get a second box of something I didn't really need a second box of, only to discover it was buy one get a dollar off the second, so I saved a whole dollar and actually spent three I hadn't needed to. Well, whatever. It's not perishable and I'll eventually go through it.

But the other thing I noticed was the wild price swings by different packaging of the same item. I should've taken pictures. But like-- ok, raw baby spinach. I fucking love spinach. They had a smaller bag and then next to it they had a Family Pack. I hesitated-- it is hard to use up leafy greens but I fucking love spinach and I could make the effort-- and then I looked. I can't do math but fortunately they are required by law to have the price per unit breakdown on every price sticker. Because the small bag of spinach was $1.99, and was $3.99/lb. (A pound of spinach is a lot.) The Family Pack next to it? It was $3.99, which seemed like a good price jump. But on the per-item breakdown, it came out to $7.99/lb. It didn't actually have any more spinach in it. It was just a different-shaped bag and cost more. For no reason. And there was a whole shelf of the larger bags, and only a small display of the smaller ones. They're just expecting people, conditioned like I am, to say "ah i can use more spinach i'll take the savings" and buy the more expensive bag. But I did just do the math (which is difficult for me so you know I'm mad about this) and that is literally the exact same amount of spinach for twice the price.

Similar for stew beef but they went too far with it, it wasn't even plausible. There was a large pack for forty-nine dollars and I didn't even look to see how much was in it because i do not have forty-nine dollars for stew beef, I found a one-pound bag for $8.99. But I had this same issue before, and was more persistent last time I went: you can buy a three-pound chuck roast for $7.99/lb, which is a chunk of change but it's a lot of meat, and cut it into stew beef yourself and save some money that way, but I just knew I did not have it in me this week to cut up yet another chuck roast when I got home. (Full disclosure: i wasn't even looking at the grass-fed organic shit this was just regular USDA whatever Meets Regulations And Is Legal To Sell shit.)

Stew beef is supposed to be the trimmings and it is supposed to be cheap. But they have realized people prefer it, more recipes call for it because it was historically cheaper, and so they have marked it up and it is more expensive than the whole roast. Because most cooks reading a recipe are not going to necessarily know why it calls for stew beef and that they could substitute a superior cut if the price wasn't good.

I am aware that buying the pre-marinated individual convenience cuts is historically where they make their profit and I don't begrudge them that; if that's what I was shopping for I would not be that mad about paying $7 for three cents worth of marinade ingredients, because it is much easier to cook something like that with the attached recipe and because a lot of the markup is the labor costs in putting all that shit together. I don't begrudge them that at all and when I'm paying for it I'm well aware that I am.

But I really do resent how much of the price-gouging is happening by abusing the patterns of behavior they conditioned us into. I learned, twenty years ago, to look for the deals and look for the bulk packs, and now I am being punished for having learned that. I don't mind paying a premium for something I know is a convenience fee, but being charged extra for my formerly-thrifty shopping habits really stings. I shouldn't have to exercise constant vigilance in the fucking grocery store, it's stressful enough to be the only masked person in there and now you have to compete with the huge carts they use for the online ordering peeps that take up a lot of the aisle.

Maybe it's easier to do the price comparisons on the website?

Oh and there are a number of products they now only carry the Wegmans generic for. (You can't get Snyder pretzel bites anymore, and the Wegmans version doesn't come in quite the same flavors, so I have to go to Dash's to get those now.) And still others where the Wegmans version is pricier. And, alas, some where the more expensive Wegmans version is better. (Polly-O string cheese, why are you so bland?? You're a snack baby. The Wegmans generic has salt in it and is a ton more pleasant to eat.)

IDK I don't have a thesis here it's just that being alive in the 2020s is way harder than being alive in the 2000s even though I was poorer then and didn't know shit. I don't miss my youth and I super don't miss George W Bush but I miss when I was figuring stuff out and it seemed to make sense. And I sorta miss when the Wegmans cashiers used to wear t-shirts bragging about how highly-ranked Wegmans was by whatever organization that was that ranked how good places are to work for.

Also, they try to steer you to use the self checkouts, but baby if you have more than two shopping bags' worth of stuff in your cart you had better wait in however long that line is to let a real human put it into bags for you because the self-checkout does not have any mechanism for you to remove and replace a full shopping bag from the bagging area. I told the cashier how much I appreciated him because he wasn't screaming at me, and he was like yah those self-checkouts yell at you a lot.

(Every Wegmans cashier for twenty years has been super nice. I doubt they're in a union, I wish they were.)

Yeah yeah this is the most middle-aged thing I've written yet but I'm in physical therapy and just bought a recliner for the ergonomics so I'm clearly grappling with my own mortality here, and I'm writing this partly out of concern for the kids who are where I was in 2000. What the hell are they being conditioned to do, by all this????? Shit, man.

#about the author #real life

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vanmarkus · 6 months ago

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Just curious because I'm always wondering about that.. If you think tommy picked up on their crazy close dynamic in such a short time, do you think the others have too? Or is that just buckandeddie to them and they don't think anything of it? Hen's "about time" comment made me wonder what she thinks, if she had eddie-suspicions over the years or if she just picked up on a general vibe from buck

I think it's a bit of both actually. because Buck and Eddie? they are absolutely cuckoo insane about each other, like genuinely not-normal.

it becomes the most obvious when other members of the team are in danger; Buck stays relatively calm no matter how worried he is, he makes a plan and tries to scheme to save them.

like in the crossover episode, he waited for hours and then tried to steal a truck when everyone was out or sleeping, even though Hen could've been long dead. and Buck loves Hen, like a lot, a lot, they are family!! and when the Jonah thing went down?? with Hen and Chim? he was on the tailend of it, worried and upset and when Albert got hurt in that car accident? when Bobby was trapped inside a burning building with an active shooter and Athena went in there after him?? these are all people Buck undoubtedly loves like family.

he was worried, but he kept it together every time.

when the well collapsed on top of Eddie, he tried to dig through 45 feet of loose mud to get to him by hand. when Eddie got shot and was in the hospital, Buck flipped out and broke down more than once, but most notably when telling Christopher about it after finding out that Eddie's gonna be okay.

similarly when the lightning hit Buck, Eddie ran up the ladder without a safety line and tried to pull him up by hand; Buck weighs like 200+ lbs plus the gear, there was no chance in hell he could've done that and Eddie isn't stupid, he knows that too. Bobby had to banish him to the driver's seat to make sure he wouldn't be in the way, then Eddie barely parked the ambulance when he was already on top of Buck, taking over CPR, then proceeded to spend the next couple of days by haunting the hospital's walls like a grieving widow.

when the truck fell on Buck's leg, Eddie wouldn't let go of his hand and when he coughed up blood, he looked more than just concerned for that split second we saw him. when he spotted Buck after the tsunami and thought that he lost Christopher? there wasn't an ounce of blame on his face.

in conclusion, they have been always just very unhinged about each other, but I think because they all work in close proximity with each other day in and day out, it's harder to differentiate these things because even in real life, firefighters are like a family; they eat, sleep and exercise together, their blood family is just as involved with each other as they are, because that's just how close you get when you have to put your life into each other's hands all the time.

but Eddie and Buck (as pointed out above) are just taking it to a whole new level when you consider all the family stuff they do together and the will... I think at this point it's sort of a "well this is just Buck and Eddie, they might as well be married" thing for the 118.

I don't think it's something they actively consider to have romantic/sexual undertones, but they all understand that their bond is extremely strong, so they wouldn't be surprised if the relationship progressed into that direction.

in Buck's case specifically, I think Hen saw the signs before Eddie even joined the 118. especially since Buck admitted that he always checked out hot guys — I don't suppose that goes unnoticed when you spend half your life with the same group of people.

#this got looong sorry #i know i'm in the bt gutter currently but buddie are just insane soulmatism right there and it still makes me feral #wish i could use all this writing energy in my wip smh #buddie #evan buckley #911 #911 abc #ask #anon #my stuff

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awesomerextyphoon · 4 months ago

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Change of View

Summary: You got fired, but one grocery run changed things.

Pairing: Slight Sam Wilson x Black Female Reader

Rating: 16+/Teen

Word Count: 697

A/N: I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. I had to deal with some things.

Back to Masterlist

“Hey, sis. So, I got fired. Again. Please call me when you have the chance. Thanks.” You pressed send hoping she would actually call you back soon for once.

You just had to forget your umbrella in the office that night and catch your boss cheating on his pregnant wife with your ‘hot’ coworker.

Now you’re the one paying.

“Fucking asshole.” You muttered trudging your willful feet past the crosswalk.

This was the 3rd job in eight months! You were an avid saver, but still!

Why did this shit always happen to you?!

The gentle stream of raindrops did well to conceal your attempts of not bawling as you made your way to the metro.

You decided to buck up and make some homemade ice cream tonight. You needed today to end on a better note.

–––––––

Walking down the aisle bleary-eyed, you were lost to the outside world. Until you bumped into a wall of muscle in the middle of the aisle.

“Ow! I’m so sorry!” You rubbed your forehead in embarrassment.

The man reached out his hand, “No, it’s okay! Are you alright?”

Taking his hand, you got up and dusted yourself off, “Yeah, I’m fine-“ you gasped stopping dead in your tracks to see Sam Wilson, Captain America, staring back at you with concern.

Sam raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure?”

You forgot to talk. You forgot to move. You just stood there staring and gaping like a deer caught in headlights.

“Um, you can close your mouth now.”

“Shit!” You swore under your breath hoping he wouldn’t think you a dumbass.

You had to make up for lost ground, “I didn’t know I would walk into Captain America. I should’ve worn better makeup.”

“Heh. I’m hardly worth the trouble.” Sam chuckled while rubbing the back of his neck.

“You were a little taken aback by his easy-going nature

“So, what brought on these tears?” Sam asked noting your puffy eyes and slouchy shoulders.

“I got fired for almost outing a cheater. I came here to get ingredients for homemade ice cream.”

“Sorry about your job,” Sam consoled before his slyly suave smirk, “But, homemade ice cream sounds like a good time.”

“Well, I got a sweet tooth and I’m a picky eater so this comes with the territory.” You admitted now being used to seeing such a person. Your eyes widened at his somewhat hidden weariness through the bags under his eyes and furrowed eyebrows.

“I just got back from a long mission and the press keeps hounding me comparing me to Steve and whatnot.”

“It’s hard sometimes, you know?” He murmured.

Even Captain America can have a bad day.

Maybe a cookie will help.

“Um,” you reached into your handbag, “I have a cookie if you want it. I was gonna save it for later, but looks like you need it more than I do.” Handing the hero a large glazed cookie.

“It’s Lemon Ricotta.” You blurted worried he might think it poison.

“Thanks.” Sam accepted the cookie, but not before his hand whispered against yours.

He cautiously took a bite before moaning deeply, “Damn!”

You were surprised no one came over, he was so loud.

“This is one of the best cookies I’ve ever had!” Sam praised.

“C’mon, it’s not that good.” You deflected shifting your eyes to the floor.

“Seriously! I’ve had one $200 cookie Stark has at his lavish parties and it couldn’t hold a candle to this!”

Your face brightened at the compliment, “Thanks! It’s one of my favorite recipes.”

“I’ll bet,” Sam concurred after finishing the cookie.

His eyes lit up for a moment before grabbing a pen and paper, “Hey, if you’re looking for a new job, I know a former colleague who's looking for an apprentice.” Scribbling a contact and then offering to you, “The pay is amazing!”

“Just say Sam Wilson referred you.” He winked.

You took the paper and placed it into your handbag without (somehow) blustering.

Sam turned to leave, happy you would at least consider, “Have a good one.”

“Thanks again!”

“Good luck.”

With a confident breath, you resumed shopping. You had a good feeling that things were finally looking up.

#sam wilson appreciation #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson #captain america drabble #captain america #sam wilson x female reader #sam wilson x black reader #mcu #mcu fanfiction

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cerastes · 9 months ago

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I will be going to Okinawa at the end of this month! Also gonna hop to the main island and do a weekend in Kyoto. Any advice?

NIIICE

Well, we could speak for hours about advice when it comes to traveling to Japan, really, but in general, keeping it concise and to the point, I'd say:

Don't tip in restaurants! It's seen as rude because they are paid already, there's no tipping culture for eateries over there.

Also, there's a table fee! Consider this the tip if you must cognitize it somehow, but basically, when you go over your receipt, you'll always see 200 yen or something on top of what you ate. Don't start a fight over this, it's just the table fee, AKA the fee you pay for using a spot in the restaurant in the first place. It's usually something small like 200 yen, and it will also include courtesy snacks like water and usually edamame

Don't point at things with your finger, it's rude. This is not Japan exclusive obviously but Japan is one of those places in which it is rude. Also, don't point at things with chopsticks, that's REALLY rude. In general, don't toy with chopsticks, those are tools with which you consume food with, and should be treated with respect.

Buy your deodorant over there. Strong scents, perfumes and deodorants are usually seen as disruptive (as in, you're invading the smelling space of people), so they use odorless, neutral deodorant there. If you use odorless already, you're good to go, but leave the AXE at home.

Keep your voice down in public transport, and don't take phone calls while in it. You can make small talk (in fact, a few times, some Japanese people talked to me in the train to ask me where I was from and some stuff like that!), but don't be loud. Basically, respect everyone's right and pleasure to a pleasant trip or commute. Return phone calls after you disembark.

Have a Map app on you. It will save your life and make it much easier! Likewise, get a 3/4/5G wireless connection rental card for your phone while you're over there! They are very affordable (I paid something like 70 bucks for 31 days of 4G) and having internet on the go is immensely helpful, from translations to maps to calls to just browsing things on the go or looking up something you might not know.

I recommend looking up some cultural things in general before your trip, so you don't make faux passes. Japanese people are in general really kind and comprehensive to foreigners and won't hold you to the same social scrutiny as they would another Japanese person, but in my experience, they really like it when you actually show an intent to engage with the culture. There's passing by, and then there's actually showing you've at least looked into it, and they really appreciate it. I got away with a couple of free drinks one time in Osaka, even, because the master was like "no yeah you've obviously been keenly aware of how to go about things". Even the few times I messed up by going where I wasn't supposed to go or entering a few off-limit places, talking with authority figures and explaining how that happened to them was smooth as butter and they completely understood and didn't mind the misteps, and gave friendly advice on how to prevent that from happening again.

Absolutely carry a bag with you everywhere. There's very few trash bins in Japan so you'll always want to have a bag or some such to store your bottles and empty snack bags and takoyaki sticks and everything else until you can find an elusive bin or go back to your hotel and throw your stuff there. A lifehack here is that you can sometimes find trash bins near vending machines, but do make sure they are not just for cans!

These are my Primer For Japan, really. Have Fun!

#chug fungus

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mamahersh · 2 years ago

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Mamahersh’s Post-MAG-200 Fanfic Recommendation Mega Thread

@a-mag-a-day

In celebration of us finishing The Magnus Archives (even if I admittedly fell off around S2 and have been mostly lurking since then), I have compiled all of my fave post series fics for your enjoyment! I will be grouping them in some big, general categories, which I’ll list above the read more here. Depending on the size of this post, it might start looking a bit like that “Do you like the sky?” post But I can assure you that I have read all of these and can give them my stamp of approval!

If you finished the series and were wishing for your best boys to finally be happy, then boy howdy do I have some fanfiction for you!

Time Travel

Somewhere Else

AUs

Uncategorized JonMartin Fluff

By these categories, we should hopefully cover all the recommendations I have, and I hope you all find some new fics! (or enjoy rereading fics you haven’t enjoyed in awhile)

TIME TRAVEL

where there’s a will, we make a way by bubonickitten

"So, what does happen if an Eye learns to See within itself?

What happens is this: the Archive Beholds the Watcher – and the Watcher blinks first."

________________________

Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Probably my fave time travel fic in this fandom hands down; it is also currently the longest whilst still unfinished. While I try not to recommend unfinished fics that I am uncertain of their return to activity, this is a big exception and personally I love everything about it! It’s got Jon dealing with trauma through the lens of his speaking only in Statements, Martin being saved from his downward spiral into the Lonely way earlier in S4, Georgie actually sticking around, Basira having a better grasp of the situation and being more understanding about it, and everyone generally sticking close to character while managing to buck parts of the narrative. I cannot recommend this fic enough, and I very likely already did back near the start of S5.

Something’s Different About You Lately by thesnadger

Jonathan Sims has been head archivist for just a few months, but he has memories of holding the position for years. He remembers monsters, and darkness, and the end of the world. Somehow, he'll have to keep everyone safe from what's coming. Meanwhile, his assistants can't understand why their prickly jerk of a boss has gone sappy all of a sudden.

So TMA time travel fics that focus on Jon going back tend to come in two varieties. There’s the “Jon’s mind goes back and replaces himself/inhabits his past self’s body” and then there’s the “Jon physically goes back so there’s two Jons”. The first two on this list are of the first variety, and if I remember right this was one of the first I ever read. However, I recommend this one specifically because this has an amazing ending. Like, it might just be me, but many of the endings in these feel relatively unsatisfying because there’s magically a third option where Jon comes out unscathed while saving his S1 archives crew from the Horrors. For whatever reason, it was incredibly satisfying having a fic that didn’t shy away from the options presented in S4 and S5 and I love how they characterize everyone in this one as well.

100 Seconds to Midnight by starspangledbread

Jon and Martin find themselves back in 2011 after attempting to release the fears from their reality. The world is the same one they left behind, but now something has come back with them. They have a chance to destroy the fears once and for all, but it proves harder than expected. Who knew that the best laid plans could be thwarted by nosy co-workers, office romance, the inevitable learning curve of being a time traveler turned grifter, and the refusal to believe in subtlety?

Did someone say Extinction!Jon? This also is a part of a series, though the true sequel to this one is currently unfinished (though it should eventually be completed and only has one chapter to go). An excellent romp, I definitely recommend if you’re looking for something kinda dark, some comedy, a little OOC, and Martin being able to embrace his crime side in the name of saving the world.

Yesterday is Here by CirrusGrey

"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking. The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him. "I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. -------- Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.

Written by my fave (and most prolific) JMart author, we have a perfect example of the other kind of time travel fix it fic in the form of Jon physically travelling to the past to try and save the world. As expected by someone I am calling my fave JMart author, we’re going to be getting double dose on the JMart. I highly recommend if you’re looking for something that starts a little bittersweet, but then ends in copious amounts of fluff.

Reverb (Series) by Wolftraps

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

Summary from the first fic in the Reverb series, I highly recommend the first two fics in this series for different reasons. “The Reverb in These Holy Halls” is a great time travel fic that takes some really interesting turns by the end and unlike most fics actually has Jon try to keep Tim safe by keeping him out of the Archives pre-S1. However “Gossip” I recommend if you enjoy those fics formatted to look like official communication of some kind. It’s got people outside the Archives trying to figure out what’s wrong with them during the events of the first fic, and while it would be very confusing to read without the first fic, I’d almost say it’s worth it if you aren’t feeling the tags on the first one. Really fun and entertaining, you can’t go wrong with either one.

The Triumph of Galatea (for Acis is transformed) by TheOestofOCs

Statement of Hazel Rutter.

Jon couldn’t stop reading.

The Fears, however, are a bit more powerful than Jonah gave them credit for. Jon opens the door, but the world can’t hold what’s on the other side.

Time falls through, instead. Past becomes present, and the future is undone.

Statement begins.

Another fic I definitely recommended back at episode 160, but is well worth the second recommendation and/or re-read. Time Travel, but what if Jon could control as well as go into the dreams of the assistants/other Eye aligned people instead of just his victims’ dreams? Very good, even if unfinished, though the author seems likely to finish someday. Check out their other work as well, it’s all very good and has my fave Circus themed fic written to date.

a map of what matters most by gruhukens

“Is that a body,” Tim blurts before he can stop himself, rising to his feet. Martin looks, if possible, even more scared.

“He’s alive!” he hisses, almost defensively. “It’s not - it’s not Gertrude again, I didn’t kill him, he just – I don’t know what happened to him, I just found him in the stacks like this.”

“And you dragged him up here?” Tim says, and then registers several things at once – the build, the hair texture; the little round scars peppering a pair of thin hands and an awfully familiar face. “Wait, is that Jon?”

----

Jon stumbles back into an earlier Archive, looking for a way to fix the world. (Or, mom says it's my turn for the obligatory time travel au)

Directly inspired by CirrusGrey’s fic that I recommended earlier, this is another: Jon travels physically into the past fic. This one though is far more bittersweet than “Yesterday is Here”, but still an excellent read and does a great job at fleshing out the relationships between all the characters.

Saving the Universe: For Dummies by GhostChoir

Finding a man bleeding out in the alleyway was not what Elias wanted to do today. And he certainly didn’t mean to befriend him. But things never did go how he expected.

****** A Post-MAG200 Jon meets a 1970s Elias, an Elias from before he was corrupted by Jonah. Together, the two of them learn to cope with grief, drink more tea than any two people should be able to consume, and commiserate over shitty bosses. Oh, and just for the hell of it, they stop an apocalypse along the way.

Now for a change of pace: What if Jon time travels to the time of early Gertrude and Elias pre-Jonafying? A very good fic is what! While it’s been awhile since I read this, I do remember it’s quite good and deserves a chance. Note: this is NOT Jonathan/Elias, so my apologies if you were looking for that, but it is two very lonely men getting to just have a reliable friend in times of trouble.

A Little Game of Cat and Mouse by Paptato

“Jonah Magnus.” The cloudy silhouette snarled as it’s hand clamped tightly around Jonah's ascot. That was indeed his name, but Jonah couldn’t begin to fathom what he did to have it spat out with such hatred.

But nonetheless, Jonah was a gentleman and he would kindly address the angry figure as politely as possible, “Yes, and you are?”

“What?” The form spluttered as it slowly came into focus. Ah, yes. That probably wasn’t the proper response to being held at gunpoint by a random stranger. Must have been the blow to his head.

(Or in which Jonathan Sims goes back in time and tries to pull a Terminator, but fails and Jonah Magnus finds a new mystery to solve.)

This is that Jonah Magnus/Jonathan Sims enemies to lovers fic your friends warn you about in a good way. It’s not done, but I think it’s still being updated very slowly. Even if all I ever read is the currently released 11 chapters, I will consider it my one exception to my dislike of Jonah/Jon. As you can probably guess by the description, it’s a time travel fix it where Jon gets shunted back in time to when Jonah was still very human and still trying to figure out the Fears. The Web keeps Jon from explaining his circumstances or anything to do with Jonah’s future in particular, but this is a good thing and they both get to learn how to be more human in a world that previously was very antagonistic to those goals. It’s got a heavy dose of comedy, plenty of romantic tension, and lots of both surprising and unsurprising cameos. If you enjoy Dracula Daily, you’ll probably enjoy this imho.

Déjà Vu by CirrusGrey

Sasha remembers being unmade. Tim remembers being Unknown. Jon and Martin remember being unwound. All of them think they're the only one. -------- The S1 crew wakes up in the past with memories up till the moment they died.

So, here’s another one that’s got quite the spin on it. As you can see from the description, this one is where S1 crew all get their minds sent back in time to the time right around Jon’s first statement if I remember right. Another CirrusGrey fic, so it heavily leans on JonMartin, but otherwise it’s a wonderful exploration of the four S1 characters and ends on a very hopeful note!

oh my darling, just a moment of your time by IceEckos12

The Institute is visited by a pair of time travelers, and Jon has an important question for Tim.

Have you ever had a oneshot that just kinda guts you unexpectedly? While this might not do this for everyone, this is an amazing oneshot that gets right the point. I love it a lot, because of all of the fics where future and past meet each other, it very rarely if ever is addressed that past Jon was a douche. Or well it is but past Jon doesn’t necessarily have a character moment from it. Here he does, and despite the briefness of the fic, the author does an amazing job of giving Jon and Tim a moment while making an almost critique of the TMA time travel genre. Highly, highly recommend, and it won’t overstay it’s welcome if it doesn’t end up being your thing.

The Severing of Webs by chlodobird

After Jon kills the world, he travels back in time. Once there, he gets ready to change the future, to save his Assistants, and to watch as everyone learns to hate him again.

Unfortunately, the tapes wrap around him like a fly caught in a Web—he can't move. He's trapped reliving the original timeline, stuck acting out his past actions like an actor rehearsing his lines.

Sasha will die. Tim will die. Martin—

(Jon screams inside his mind, and someone hears him. Fate is not as immutable as he fears.)

This one is a brand new one! While basically all of the others on the list have been out/updating for over a year at this point; this lengthy oneshot just released this month. tbh, very excellent, which is why it has made the list. Also, quite the twist on the usual premise, where being sent back into his head is actually a bad thing this time. Ends with a giant pile of fluff, but who would I be if all my time travel recommendations were not also fix-its?

Somewhere Else

it will be this, always by bluejayblueskies

Jon coughed again, and blood stained his lips and blood stained Martin’s hands where they pressed against Jon’s back and blood stained the floor beneath them and help, they needed help.

Martin doesn’t remember shouting. He barely remembers the faces that had surrounded them, wide-eyed and terrified, all utterly unfamiliar.

Jon and Martin wake up somewhere else. Jon begins a slow path toward physical recovery, and several important, long-put-off conversations are had as they begin to navigate a new world that they hadn’t thought they’d be alive to see.

So, I’m sure you all have gathered that I have qualms with how much disparity there is between canon and fanon Jmart. This fic is painful, but is the most in character depiction of post 200 JMart fallout I have ever read. The ending is very cathartic, and takes a “realistic” approach to what happens to Jon and Martin as they begin to navigate their relationship after they both had betrayed each other so thoroughly in the leadup and culmination of MAG 200. If you don’t want them immediately making up, this is the fic for you. They get there, but by all that is good do they take their sweet time getting there.

Out There, Somewhere by Artyphex

"I'm sorry, you were found alone."

Jon survived the apocalypse and now will go to the end of this new, unfamiliar world to find Martin again.

So I think I’m just getting all the angsty ones out of the way first lol. Another slow burn, this fic is Jon’s recovery in the new reality while he also searches for what happened to Martin. Since I don’t post the tags, I will say this ones does feature “Eventual Happy Ending”, and I do promise that both Jon and Martin made it to the new reality and lived. But Jon and Martin both get to pine and cope for a while before that happy ending tag comes into play. It’s incredibly well done and explores their characters really well. Personally, I kinda enjoyed the Reddit saga because people mistaking Jon’s pleas for Martin as an ARG is very typical internet and 100% I would have bought into that at age 13.

Of course I need a therapist. I need ten therapists, working round the clock building me a bionic coping mechanism. We have the technology. by MartinKBlackwoodESQ

A story set somewhere else.

I’mma be real with you all, if I believed that characters could write and publish their own fanfiction, I would be halfway convinced the name is accurate. All joking aside however, this is a “crack treated seriously” fic but with characterization so on point I can consistently hear the voice actors when I read this. Admittedly, it’s made easier by it being written in transcript formatting, but if you’re looking for a hilarious time where TMA is suddenly is turned into a buddy cop adventure where Jon and Martin go to a universe where the Fears hadn’t been till their arrival, and they have doubles that already exist there who are living fairly normal lives till the TMA Jon and Martin crash land into their reality... Well this fic is one I cannot recommend highly enough. It also has a sequel, and it is also well worth the read, even if it appears to be on a bit of a break in it’s updates.

Worlds like phyllo pastry by neworld

After episode 200 Jon finds himself alone in a world very much like the one he left but fractionally different. It's so similar he finds versions of his former friends existing happily in the world. Unfortunately they have never met him in this universe and have no idea who he is.

This one’s unfinished, but personally it’s well worth the read as is. Not sure how I feel about the most recent chapter, but the story up till that point is a really fun spin on “Jon and Martin get shunted to a new reality” where Jon learns how to feed in a way that doesn’t cause problems facilitated by the new reality, and re-meets all the people who he lost till this point and has a very silly antagonistic relationship with his alternate self. While fic might be more of a guilty pleasure, it still is written in such a way that I would rank it high enough for this disorganized list.

Death Is The Easy Way Out by traveller19

After having killed Jonah Magnus and ended the Change, Jon and Martin should finally be able to rest. Rest, however, proves impossible when Jon falls ill. What's more, he begins having vivid dreams of their dead friends - Tim, trapped in the destroyed Archives, and Sasha, trapped outside of them. As Jon's condition quickly worsens and the line between dream and reality begins to blur, love is all he and Martin have to hold on to, because hope is a dangerous thing.

Did someone say sickfic??? But for real, this fic has an amazing balance between an A plot and a B plot, and keeps both at the right level of tension throughout. While this is a sickfic heavy one, it also features Tim and Sasha as ghosts trying desperately not to be. There’s also a lovely sequel and plenty of fluff by the end, but this is a rough ride. ALSO, if you or a loved one had covid / any respiratory illness that caused them to be hospitalized with pneumonia and it could be trigging to read incredibly on the nose descriptions of that experience, this fic is not for you. Or very cathartic. :/

Castaways by CirrusGrey

Welcome to the Castaway Foundation, a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing a safe and secure landing to those lost souls banished from their home worlds by the influence of Fear.

If you wanted saccharine JMart in a new reality where they get therapy and meet old friends from different realities, this series of (mostly) one shots is for you! As you’ve probably come to expect when I suggest CirrusGrey, the writing is fantastic, the ship dynamics are exemplary, and the character are on point. There is so much to say about this series, but mostly, if you want Jon and Martin healing and then settling together and becoming the stereotypical married couple, then this is it. It’s not done, but it is wrapping up, and I hope you all if you haven’t seen this yet enjoy it as much as I do. And for those long time readers who have been reading it longer than I’ve been in the fandom, here’s your friendly reminder that it exists.

Do Before I Die by SupposedToBeWriting

Somewhere Else, Jon can't seem to shake the strange apathy that now plagues his life. Everything reminds Martin of the end of the world. For a change of pace, he and Martin rent a campervan and go on a road trip. Their mission? To fulfill the 'bucket list' Martin made when he was eighteen and lonely. Jon's looking forward to the beach.

Jon and Martin go on a Road Trip accross Britain. It’s just a wholesome and hurt/comfort as it describes. An excellent romp, and the character studies are wonderful. The Planetarium still sticks with me.

ours is a distant shore (series) by pantsoflobster

“If they ever found out about us, we could make things really complicated for them," Jon said. Martin gave a thoughtful hum and then a loaded pause before he said, “Or simpler.” “What?” “We could, you know…” Martin then made mischievous eyes at him in lieu of expanding. “What?” Jon said, thoroughly lost. “Wouldn’t it be a bit fun to sort of... nudge them in the right direction?”

Months after they arrive Somewhere Else, Jon sees himself in the shop.

Summary is from the first fic in the series, this is a fun little romp for those who hated Martin’s defeatism over his and Jon’s relationship in MAG199 and want to see what would happen if instead he accidentally kick started an alternate version and his and Jon’s relationship Somewhere Else. It’s all very silly, tho the last fic does lean more into the hurt/comfort tag than the previous two. Over all though, if you’re looking for a little crack, a lot of fluff, and Jon and Martin being silly this is a good time.

Written in the Stars Will Have to Do by GentlemanCrow

“Yeah well, god knows why, but he thinks you hung the moon, so you might try treating him at the very least like a human being once in a while.”

It was such a small thing. Small words for a small feeling cloaked in a chintzy veneer of idiomatic dismissal. A trembling little bird cupped in his scarred and battered hands and smothered. Or so he thought. Sometimes trembling little birds turn out to be phoenixes, and those who looked to someone else to hang the comfort of a wise, silvery moon in the sky already have the hammer and the picture wire at the ready.

As far as Jon was concerned, the moon only rose on their Somewhere Else because Martin deigned to pull the strings every night, not him.

This is another one of those JMart Somewhere Else fics masquerading as a Safehouse fic that made me want to cry. It’s just, so wonderful, and once again we have themes of healing, but this time through getting a hobby and sharing it with your significant other. The writing is lovely and really gives off the stuffy academic musings I would expect being in Jon’s head (which we are for the duration of this fic) but adds a layer that I didn’t realized I needed till I read it.

On Errantry by ZaliaChimera

Somewhere Else, Jon and Martin discover that their new home has a very special sort of guardian, and Jon seeks judgement from an unexpected source.

They do say that cats purring can heal...

A cute one shot that deals with Jon’s lingering guilt from S5; this is a wonderful tale from Somewhere Else featuring a giant Cat, Martin being supportive, and Jon trying to reconcile his second chance. Very sweet and fluffy, guaranteed!

Lost, Unfound, But Not Forgotten by Elynn

They didn’t find bodies. Or anything pointing to where they may have gone. In the center of the rubble, what Georgie assumed to have once been the top of the tower, was a puddle of dried, crusted blood, and the outline of bodies in the dust and scorch marks. And she knew that wherever the Fears had gone, Jon and Martin had gone with them. The last victims, snuffed and dragged away with them. --- In the weeks after the Eye-pocolypse, Georgie Barker begins the painful process of mourning her best friend.

So, I know I’m very focused on Jon, but I have one fic of Georgie here that’s 10/10. Post 200, Georgie and Melanie eventually goes to clean out Daisy’s cabin of Jon and Martin’s things for Basira (or something like that) and Georgie finds a journal of Jon’s that he kept whilst there. It’s just as bittersweet as you’d imagine, but it’s fantastically cathartic to read and in our MAG 200 feels, this is a good one for closure.

Not Quite Somewhere Else by hawkfurze

Or you can find it on Tumblr HERE

A special entry to finish out this section, I have a long running comic from Tumblr user @hawkfurze who made a TMA x Infinity Train crossover. While I had not watched the show previously (only seen the trailer/pilot from back before it got picked up by CN), the comic is still easy to understand and explains the Infinity Train parts in such a way as to not need any prior knowledge. I highly recommend this comic for anyone who wants a visual treat delving into the relationship and psyches of Jon and Martin as they try to escape into the next reality.

AUs

Two Graves by SupposedToBeWriting

Jon sends the fears far from Earth and flees London, leaving the others to assume the worst. He settles in a small village and opts to live there quietly until he dies, a self-imposed penance. This plan is foiled when the first former Avatar shows up - and Jon realizes that every domain-keeper in the apocalypse still has some faint connection to him.

After a year of being a shoulder to cry on for confused and distraught former Avatars, Jon leads a moderately happy life. He has a flourishing garden, a cat, and some company. All of that comes crashing around his ears (or his head) when a familiar face shows up to his cabin, demanding answers.

This fic is in my top 5 fics of TMA fandom. No contest. It has some of the best healing from MAG 200 for Jon and Martin and tbh the world I’ve seen. It’s got that incredible hurt/comfort and the ending makes me cry tears of joy every time I read it. If you read any JMart fic on this list, please read this one if you can only read one. While I was tempted to put this in a different category, this seemed like the best place to put it.

What Comes After by Mornrandir

More than a year after the apocalypse, the world is starting to move on. Georgie, Melanie, and Basira have learned to move on and get back to living their lives. Then Martin reappears- without Jon- and they have to learn to begin again.

A series based around the initial above description, each entry in the series follows the healing of first Martin, then Jon, then both of them together. While I am a Jon-centric woman, if you are of a more Martin-centric leaning, this first fic in the series should scratch that itch. The final entry is very sweet, and the second definitely has a unique reason as to why Jon shows up so late to the after-Fears party.

The Watcher’s Cows by lenioia

He still remembers the first cup of tea Martin brought him. That’s where it began, not with the dog incident. A sweet and strong blend, reasons for appearance unknown, how could it taste so good, also unknown. Jon stares at what will be the last cup between them. His miserable parting gift. Where it’ll end.

Alt Mag 200, or in a slightly kinder universe which differs by exactly one cup of tea, Martin is the one who switches plan last minute, and Jon’s last half-backed scheme, for once, works.

An AU splitting off MAG 199/200, where Jon’s plan actually happens, but instead of it being quite so bleak he finds a new path with the help of Martin. I know the original ending of the series is probably the most hopeful one realistically, but we all enjoy our fixits here, so this is a really sappy “by the power of love” Jon and Martin save the universe and still get to live in it AU. Highly highly recommend, and it finished within the last 8 months, so it’s “on the newer side” as it were. If you haven’t read it, give it a shot, and if you’ve read it and it’s been awhile now’s a good time to read it again.

The Eyespot Chronicles (series) by SupposedToBeWriting

To Martin Blackwood's surprise, he wakes up in the ruins of the Magnus Institute. He thought he would be dead. The world is back to normal, the Entities are gone, and everyone realizes that it's finally over. The only sticking point is that Jon isn't exactly the Jon that went into the apocalypse. Never one to give up, Martin is determined to make a life for himself and his boyfriend. Even if he is a giant moth.

Summary taken from the first in the series, this trilogy of fics covers Jon and Martin’s attempts at healing in a world that remembers what happened. The first fic focuses entirely on Martin’s struggles, the second on Jon’s, and the 3rd (as you might guess) focuses on them both. The series is excellent, and if you’ve got the fortitude for canon-typical emotional constipation after having just experienced MAG-200 it’s well worth the read.

Another Guest for Mr. Spider by Dribbledscribbles

Jon isn't eating his statements like he should.

Mr. Spider doesn't like it.

Written in transcript format, this AU considers the idea of what if the Web was more hands on it it’s approach to getting Jon to Become more monstrous; or at least not starve himself out. Incredible read, you need an AO3 account though. But I have never been that spooked by a Statement or encounter before I read this fic. If you DO NOT like spiders on you or in your mouth and you don’t like reading about it either, potentially hold off on this fic, or at least skip from where Mr. Spider says “Open your mouth. Do not move.” to when he says “Wash it down with this. Now.” But yeah if you didn’t get enough spider trauma from canon, this fic gives it in spades! (And if you want Mr. Spider getting his comeuppance, you get that too ;) )

Illicio by ThatOneGirlBehindYou

As the new Archivist debates between life and death, the Eye ponders on what to offer him in order to avoid an encore of the unfortunate situation with his predecessor.

-----

Gerard Keay opens his eyes at what feels like fuck-ass in the morning, inside a room with far too little space and far too much dust.

A long form AU of what if Gerry Keay was brought back by the Eye to convince Jon to stay on team Monster if you will. Goes all the way through MAG-200, has some great twists and turns, and manages to turn into an “Everyone Lives AU” as well. While it is currently updating, it’s updating every week on Saturday till it finishes, and she only has 2 chapters left. If you’ve managed to never read this, now is certainly the time for it! It is Jon/Gerry/Martin, so if that’s not your exact cup of tea I’d still say give it a shot.

we should ride this wave to shore by ClarionGlass

“archives research & statement envestigation” Timothy Stoker renamed the group “drinks drinks drinks” Timothy Stoker changed Sasha James’s nickname to saucy sash Timothy Stoker changed Martin Blackwood’s nickname to martini kart Timothy Stoker changed his nickname to stonked stonked: so how bout it lads saucy sash: oh god. A TMA group chat fic where the worst problems they have to deal with start with "h" and end with "angovers"

Right, I don’t tend to read chat fics, I’m going to be honest with you all. I have two exceptions and this is one of them. It goes interesting places, the characters are not completely OOC, if it they are at least it’s consistent OOC and not in a grating way. But in all seriousness, I recommend this because of how it ties in with MAG 160 and 200; as well as how the sequel deals with canon S5. The sequel isn’t finished and is slow to update, but I am still recommending at the very least the first one. It’s a good romp and I highly recommend.

Ask an Exec: How to Navigate Cultish Colleagues, Soul-Stealing Bosses, and the End of the World at Work by shinyopals

I've recently been unexpectedly promoted to lead a department in my organisation, wrote the anonymous emailer.

As there was no one working here when I arrived, my manager, who is head of the organisation, had promised me the choice of my own assistants. However, without warning, he simply presented me with an additional assistant. This new assistant’s first act on his first day was to let a dog into the office. It took several hours to catch and clean up after this dog and it has only been downhill from there. I admit I'm not entirely sure what to do with this assistant now I'm stuck with him. I'm hoping you have some advice?

Kind regards, New Manager

Abigail Bailey runs a successful management advice blog. One frequent contributor is from a workplace with some... issues.

While this isn’t quite an AU and is basically canon compliant, I’m putting it here because it’s a “what if Jon was an avid seeker of advice on a management advice blog?” AU. It’s beautifully formatted, and features very in character interactions. If you are a sucker for the TMA trope: how do normal people react to the weirdness at the Institute, then this is a great fic for you. I know it’s probably one of the most popular things to have hit the Jonathan Sims tag on AO3 in recent months, but this is just me reminding you all it exists and well worth the re-read.

JMart Fluff

Author CirrusGrey

Literally anything by them. I think I probably recommend them every time I talk about JMart, but I think on AO3 they are both the most prolific and one of the best writers for the tag. Pick almost any fic they’ve written for TMA and it’s probably JMart. There’s too many fics of their’s to recommend, so I’ll just link you straight to their profile and you can go swimming from there lol.

Jon’s Moving Castle by IceEckos12

Martin Blackwood may not have a perfect life, but he does have a good one. That is, until a series of magical encounters leave him with an unfortunate curse. Out of other options, he goes to the wizard who lives in the moving castle for aid.

Life never goes how he intends it to, though.

Basically Howl’s Moving Castle, but with a TMA spin. You don’t need to have seen the movie to understand what’s going on, and honestly while it sticks fairly close to the movie, it doesn’t stick so close that it feels constrained by it in places where it wouldn’t make sense in the AU they’ve set up. It’s a very sweet JMart fic with a satisfying conclusion.

The 101 Kidnappings of Jonathan Sims (and Other Inconveniences) by beetlejoos

Martin Blackwood never applies for a job at the Magnus Institute. The universe seems determined that he meets Jonathan Sims anyway. But is it Fate, or something more sinister, that keeps bringing the two of them together?

Right, this mostly crack treated seriously. It’s got hurt/comfort, but it’s fairly light hearted throughout. As one could guess by the title and description, Jon is repeatedly kidnapped and brought to wherever Martin is living/working at the time. While it’s not done yet, and not on a schedule, the chapters that are out thus far are well worth the read. That and there’s some cute fan art for it that’s linked to in the end notes. But I recommend this because it’s got that vibe of S1 Jon meets S1 Martin outside of the Institute and romance (eventually) happens. Very fun read if you haven’t read it yet.

i think we’re alone now + alone-verse (series) by milliganopen

Just a couple of guys breaking into a basement. What could go wrong?

Getting trapped in your apartment with your boss, that's what.

Season 1 re-imagined if Jon and Martin had been trapped by Jane Prentiss together.

Initially I recommended this back when we had hit MAG039/022 because it was a great AU to Martin’s Statement where Jon also gets trapped in Martin’s apartment during Martin’s no good very bad 2 weeks of worm siege. HOWEVER, the author has since continued this series and is slowly working their way through canon one season/fic at a time. They’re currently on S3, and I am definitely keeping an eye on it for whenever the next update happens. If you haven’t had the time to check it out, it’s got some very good JMart moments, and their relationship manages to move faster than a glacier.

Fate, or Something by HermaeusMora

"You can't be serious." Jonathan Sims raises his eyes at last to properly look at Georgie, expecting her to laugh and make some quip about finally getting him to put the damn book down, at least.

"Well, I am," she shoots back.

He sets his book aside and turns fully towards her, betrayal clear on his face. "A blind date, really?"

Jon makes the frankly terrible decision to go on a blind date with one Martin Blackwood. Fate ensues. AU where Jon and Georgie are still friends, Georgie likes finding dates for her friends, Martin doesn't work at the institute, and everyone is just a bit happier while canon spooky stuff goes on in the background. Takes place juuust barely pre-canon in the beginning but catches up quickly. Inspired as usual by the wonderful conversations with my friend RavenXavier/somuchbetterthanthat.

A fun AU that challenges the idea that Jon and Martin are incompatible a la MAG199. Excellently done and well worth the time to check it out.

Diary by luftballoons99

Not for the first time since they ran away together, a camera reel of all the things they don't know about one another whirs behind Martin's eyes, and he can't help but look at all the sprawling magnetic tape and wonder if they’re going to wind up a romance or a tragedy.

or: Office parties, garage bands, and the joy of being known.

A bit of a bittersweet mostly fluff oneshot focused on Jon and Martin having a night in at the Safehouse and talking about good things from their pasts. (Warning, the sequel is rated E(xplicit) for a reason, so I am only recommending Diary. Both are stand alone however.)

Weaving My Heartstrings by arms_full_of_hyacinths

At least he was someone. Someone who could deal with the spiders. That was probably the source of the nerves unspooling like magnetic tape to fill Jon’s stomach with buzzing static butterflies.

Yes, Martin was much bigger than a spider. He was probably the kind of person who cupped them in his hands and talked to them as he walked them out into the garden, which shouldn’t be giving Jon a burst of warm feeling at all, since his preferred method of spider disposal was simply to squash them on sight.

Martin likes Jon almost as much as Jon hates spiders. When a statement from an institute employee sends them spiraling into the center of a complicated web, they'll need to rely on each other if they want to make it out alive.

Bit of an odd suggestion to close us out, but this one is a fun almost episodic plot about an original Statement and the shenanigans Jon and Martin get into trying to research it. It’s very good, features some very on point S1 Jon and Martin along with a bit of a fast forward on their relationship throughout.

And with that, I’ve probably overstayed my welcome lol. I hope you found something new to read! If not, I at least hope that you had fun rereading some old faves. This has taken me a day or two to compile and format, so I hope you all enjoy in whatever capacity that ends up being! Happy end of A Mag A Day, and it was a joy walking alongside you all. Congrats to A MAG A Day blog owners on all your hard work for the last ~210 days and with this post I wish you all a very fond farewell.

#a mag a day #the magnus archives #mag 200 #tma fic rec #fic rec #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #jmart #georgie #melanie

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thatsthewrongwallcraig · 5 months ago

Text

Wonderland

Summary: You have an expensive hobby, but what are a few bills against an hour or two in heaven?

Pairing: Camboy!Elijah Kamski x afab!Reader

Word Count: ~2.7k

Content Warnings: Digital Porn 18+!, Edging/Gooning, (Mutual) Masturbation, Parasocial Relationships, Humiliation/Praise, Angst, Pet Names, Porn Addiction, Pussy Spanking, Orgasm Denial

A/N: I’m back again, yapping about Eli…

Camboy!Elijah Playlist, anybody?

No pressure tags: @ohlookapan @queer-crusader @somethingblu3 @blueberrypancakesworld

This is the way that it is

This is the way that it always will be

Something you love turns to something you miss

Something you say turns to something you mean

- Digital Silence By Peter McPoland

The cursor led by your touchpad hovered over the “Pay Now” button displayed by the PayPal bill you were about to pay. 200 bucks for an hour. Absolutely unreasonable in the state of this economy? Yes. But, being honest with yourself, did you really care about that right now? No, that bill would be a problem for end-of-the-month You. As of right now, the only thing you could bring yourself to care for was the rush of serotonin and endorphins that almost literally rested in the palm of your hand, waiting for you to just- click. bought.

Almost immediately, a little black-framed window popped up in the bottom corner of your display, reading “Invitation: Click To Join Private Room” and your heart nearly skipped a beat as the first wave of adrenaline hit your bloodstream, ready to give yourself the ultimate fix you’d been saving up to. You clicked on the invitation link and leaned back in your padded gaming chair, groaning out in pleasurable stimulation as the slick silicone of your favorite dildo pressed against your swollen insides. By now, the material had accumulated all the heat from the body, effectively making it feel nearly like the real deal just without any hassle of actually dealing with another person to begin with.

“Hi.”, The familiar, buttery smooth voice directed only at you cooing through your headset sent a shiver down the curve of your spine, “I was wondering when you’d finally show up.”

The screen lit up in mellow lilac neon the very next moment and your eyes felt like bulging out of their sockets as your lagging, already thoroughly fucked out brain desperately tried to compute what was happening in front of you. Smooth fair skin barely covered by a black satin robe that shimmered regally in the purple hues of his background light, dirty blonde hair that cascaded down sturdy and toned shoulders making you fall in love with the frame on your desktop immediately. Alone for that the 200 bucks had already been worth every fucking penny.

“Sorry.” You typed with your free hand without even looking where your fingertips dipped down on the keyboard.

“No need to be sorry, dear. The only thing that matters is that you’re here now.” The man known to you as Eli smiled gently, eyes lighting up along with it and rendering you weak in the knees.

“You’re so pretty.” You couldn’t help yourself or your fingers from flying over the buttons.

“Why, thank you! But don’t think the flattery will get you any discount!”, His pristine smile turned into a cheeky grin and the very tip of his tongue peeked between perfectly supple lips, “I’m just fucking with you, babe, am I not?”

The man’s entire intonation dropped at the word “fucking”, aiming the question right at you with filthy innuendo, leading a jolt of heat into your face.

“How’d you know?” The question was utterly dull and downright stupid given the circumstances, however, the only thing your arousal-riddled brain managed.

“How could I not know, honey? I’ve had my eyes on your username for quite some time now.” Eli leaned deeper against the headrest of his plain, grey-duvet-covered bed, allowing one shoulder to slip from the confines of smooth silk, “Always such a good little thing watching me stream every night, no? So cute and innocent until you start typing those dirty, dirty comments, hm?”

The way he dragged out the words of teasing humiliation had you clenching around the piece of silicone shoved all the way up into your weeping cunt, making you want to touch yourself so bad but you wouldn’t, not just yet.

“You know the ones I’m talking about, don’t you?”, To keep pushing you further, he pulled out his phone, sleek black phone case against pale skin, and started quoting, “JustASillyKitty commented: God, I need him to be mean to me so bad.”

He scrolled on further: “Fuck, I’d so blow him after I’d wine and dine him. Would let him blow his load all over my face.”

Eli came prepared and you weren’t ready for that in the slightest.

“Aren’t you really just such a silly little pussy cat? A lil’ kitty that wants me to be mean to her, hm?”, You fought with yourself to not just start rubbing your throbbing clit. “Need a man to bully you until you cum?”

“Uh-huh.”, Quivering fingertips hammered down onto the keyboard, “Please, sir.”

Eli tilted his head, hand tossing his phone onto the sheets before he flipped his hair to the side, revealing a cleanly shaved undercut and just by the way he moved, straightened his posture, and squared his shoulders, you knew that you’d gotten to him.

“Oh, you are one observant doll, no? Gotta be a real OG to remember I’m into that.”, His praise was accompanied by a smile that almost came across as shy, flustered perhaps, “Do you think you can do something for sir?”

“Anything!” The reply shot out from your fingertips so fast it was pathetic.

“Would you turn on that cam of yours? I’d like to see just how wet I get you when I tell you all about just how much of a slut you really are, kitty.”

If it hadn’t been for your chair to lean back so generously, you'd have toppled over and slipped from it and for a second you actually hesitated before your mind went blank and compliant again, cursor clicking away on your cam settings.

“My, my…”, Eli hummed, eyes darting to the newly displayed square depicting you naked from the waist down, pink silicone creamed with white coming as a stark contrast against the black of your chair, “Already stuffed, hm? Good girl. Feel like turning on your mic for me as well?”

That wasn’t his usual way to deal with customers but Elijah, indeed, felt curious about you. Not that it mattered in any way but being able to put a voice and well…body parts to a username had its intriguing charms he wouldn’t deny himself of; he could and would get more out of this than plenty of pretty green bills.

The little switch on your headset flicked and only then did it dawn on you that he had you on full display, not only directly seeing you but hearing you stutter out a breathy and coy: “Hi.”

“Hi, you there.”, His piercing blue eyes went back to stare right at his camera, making you feel watched in a way that hollowed out your already shaky breaths, “It’s so nice having a pretty voice like yours to a name now.”

The odd sense of intimacy crept up to you, slithering into your ribcage and holding it hostage in a tight clasp of hammering emotions.

“Just how long have you been at it tonight, hm? You’re soaked.” Your oozing cunt displayed in the corner of his screen had his cock gradually straining against tight black shorts, begging for attention a little louder with every tiny little subconscious roll of your hips into your chair.

“Uh…2 hours, maybe 3?” You admitted hesitantly, suddenly abashed about your little masturbation habit.

“Damn, 3 hours and no orgasm yet? Your clit gotta be so puffy and swollen by now, no? How about you give her some love from me?” Eli titled his head a little further, exposing his sharp jawline and slender neck, teasing with a smile.

“Like that?” Finally, you led your hand down amidst your thighs, nimble fingers finding your overly sensitive and slick-soaked clit to toy with it.

“There you go.”, Eli cooed in return, his own head trying to stay reasonable and maybe not get his rocks off to a customer that he had on speaker right now, “Look at you, obedient little whore, so needy after three hours of bouncing on that nice silicone cock.” Makes me so fucking hard just looking at it, princess.

“Fuck…”, It slipped right past your lips and into the microphone of your headset, the moan resonating miles away in a purple-lit bedroom, “Feels so good, I can’t stop once I start.”

“Oh, I know. Can’t stop staring at me stream, probably bouncing that pretty ass up and down that dildo to every minute of it. Worshiping me and all the things I do to my body like I want good, brain-dead whores like you to.” Something in your head just short-circuited, had everything else blackening from your vision, surroundings becoming irrelevant because all you cared for was the buzz from between your legs and that maddeningly beautiful man in front of you.

You could’ve been offered the world on a silver plate but nothing of it would make you want to ever quit hiding behind your desktop whilst indulging and splurging on your rented daydream in your personalized digital wonderland. There’d be no reason for you to ever leave when everything you could possibly want was right in front of you, telling you how much of a good slut you were for him. Why try and implement yourself into a society that looked down on people like you, calling them “perverted freaks” or “addicts”? You’d never think about yourself like that; all you wanted was to feel good like everybody else, no? And what was so wrong about that, to begin with?

“What can I say?”, It trickled from your mouth in a raspy laugh, muscles starting to pull on your insides as you flicked and nudged yourself closer to release, “You’re mesmerizing.”

A new gush of wet smeared down the silicone, telling about you being nearly ready to bust.

“Aw, what’s that, about to cum already, kitty? Creaming all over yourself, filthy bitch, stop that.” He angled his words like strokes of a whip breaking through the quiet white noise of your headset, making you flinch and begrudgingly take your fingers off your cunt.

“Ouw, why?” You sniffled, walls clenching around the dildo in protest about being so close and yet denied again.

“Because I say so, silly.”, Eli felt himself leaking into his shorts watching you thrust into the air like a bitch in heat, desperate for whatever stimulation still allowed to you, “What about your tits, princess, have they gotten any attention yet? Bet your nipples are so stiff right now.”

He nearly bit down on his bottom lip to not let his head loll back against the wall behind him, filthy spilling from his mouth faster than he could control as his brain conjured the picture of you pinching down onto a pebbled nipple.

Still caught in the throes of yet another denied orgasm, you could hardly push yourself to palm at your tit, rough and harsh in a weak attempt to play over the ache throbbing through your lower abdomen, the dull pain making you whine out because it rushed straight down to your twitching clit just like everything else.

“Fuck, getting hooked on how needy you sound. Would love to give that pussy a good spanking. Could make you cum with that, no?” Elijah had to fight to keep himself on track, promising himself to just fuck himself stupid after the stream, bust his load all over his bed and soil the sheets with all the dirty thoughts about you he was burning to eventually entertain with his cock in hand.

“Like that, sir?” You snuck yourself right through the loophole of not touching yourself, the inside of your hand slapping down onto your clit in a lewd squelch, making you squirm in your seat.

Eli's eyes widened at the sight as his insides started thrashing and raging over just how pliable and docile you were, imagination going wild with the need to bend you over his desk or have you ride him into oblivion until you couldn't walk the next morning.

Customer this, job that but he couldn't lie to himself and insist on not being turned on beyond reason by you, the way you clung to each of his words like gospel whilst fucking yourself on cam for his amusement. He just had to sit at the top of his bed and enjoy the show he was getting paid for whilst getting drunk on the feeling of power he had over you.

“Just like that. Good girl.” Eli listened to his voice rendering store and coarse, telling how just how much he needed to bust that fucking load to be able to think straight again.

In a brief motion, his eyes rushed to the countdown clock set on his desk and almost groaned out in relief. However, he had to ease you out of it because there was no way he'd let it fall on his name to cause his customers a hefty sub drop. Not only would that be detrimental for his image but also did it not align with his personal principles whatsoever.

“Sweets?” He cooed softly, straightening his back for the last little bit of the session.

“Yeah?” You huffed back, body still dangling on the edge between bliss and pain.

“Can I give you a little task for tomorrow?” Your ears perked up, interest certainly piqued.

“Sure!” You nodded, forgetting that he couldn’t even see it.

“Do you think you can build that orgasm all the way to tomorrow. I just know I'll see your username pop off in the chat, you never let me down, kitty.” Eli's gaze watched the seconds trickle away at the countdown.

“I- I can try.” Now your own thoughts wandered to the digital clock on the task bar at the bottom of your screen, a jolt of dread working through you as you realized that time was getting sparse.

“If you do that for me, I'll promise to give you a little check in tomorrow night, yeah? No bullshit, you'll hear from me, okay?” Eli meant it in all sincerity and that slowly trickled over to you.

“Promised?”, You asked shyly and he nodded with a gentle smile on his lips, “Promised! But I'm afraid I have to get going now, sweets. You okay?”

“Yeah.”, You pressed it out of you, you'd manage that much was the truth, “ ‘M gonna be just fine and see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“There you go.”, He praised on last time before the countdown ticked down further, “See you tomorrow, kitty.”

You soaked all of him in for as long as you could before the video disconnected and your display blacked out with the lack of transmission.

Glazed over, slightly burning eyes darted back to the clock, almost quarter past midnight. You groaned and only reluctantly got up from your chair after shutting off your tower, knowing that it was way past bedtime and that you'd regret spending all your night playing with yourself yet again.

The slippery silicon practically fell right out of you as you got up and tumbled to the floor. With an empty stare, you looked at it rolling over the carpet and you couldn't be bothered with picking it up; who'd complain anyways? The spider living in the corner of your room, obediently eating away at flies and mosquitoes? Yeah, no.

A harrowing sense of emptiness spread through your chest as you crawled underneath your duvet, fabric cold and lifeless, but you pushed it to the side like every afternoon you came back to an empty flat and an equally empty bed.

“Alexa?”, The blue ring around the circular device lit up, “Set an alarm for 6am, please.”

“Alarm set for 5 hours and 40 minutes.” The calm voice exclaimed, and you shoved your head into the pillow.

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