#Sam may not get one since he's probably in danger lol

[thatoneluckybee]

I AM LOSING IT

EVERYONE GETS NEW OUTFITS!!! EVERYONE LOOKS SO GOOD!!!!

Ms. Freaky's character designing skills are SHOWING UP today and I am so hyped—also excited to see if Gressil and Sam get new outfits as well... (honestly Tomoha's is my favorite as in I love the dress, but also Rayne's looks AWESOME but you can tell it wasn't something she picked out lol. And Bella's is INCREDIBLE I love all the beads and sparkles.)

[2tcs]

Danny’s Journal or A Countdown to the Beginning

Summary: A look into the year leading up to the accident from the perspective of a forgotten journal.

February 9, 2002

Dear journal. Mom and Dad said they had a surprise for me and Jazz when we get home from school. Please God don't let it be another ghost gun or something. My hair is still singed from the last one.

Update. It was, in fact, a gun. Jazz now has a mild burn on her arm and is screaming how they need therapy. Not disagreeing but I don't think it's going to happen.

February 12, 2002

Dear journal. Happy birthday. A year ago Jazz gave you to me for my birthday. How my parents haven't accidentally destroyed you I don't know.

Me Tucker, Sam, and Jazz went out to eat for my birthday. Sam even had her family driver take us a town over to try that new restaurant. Well, that's what their excuse was.  I think they were trying to get me out of the house for a little bit since Mom and Dad are going on a rampage through the house disassembling all the appliances. It's 10 pm and I can still hear noise coming from the basement.

March 26, 2002

I have the best idea for an April Fools prank. It involves chez whiz and glitter.

April 1, 2002

The prank worked like a charm. The jocks are going to smell like cheese for weeks. And they ain't ever getting the glitter out.

On the downside. Dash broke my arm and Mom and Dad put a “Fenton Anti-ghost Cast” on me. It kinda glows and makes my arm feel weird.

April 23, 2002

Sam’s birthday party was a glorious disaster this year. Her mom decided to do a princess-themed party. We have been preparing for this day since Sam found one of her mom’s work journals. We managed to sneak paint and glitter bombs into the venue before anyone got there. We even managed to get one on each of the chandeliers. It was awesome. Everyone got covered in black paint and red glitter. 

What we didn’t account for was Grandma Ida hiring professional snake handlers to bring in a bunch of snakes for Sam. The snakes were non-venomous and luckily were all caught after one of the rich people bumped into the table that the snake cage was on. And the paint was non-toxic so it was easy to clean off the snakes too without them getting sick. Still kinda feel bad that the snakes got caught in the crossfire though.

May 20, 2002

🎵Schools out for the summer!🎵 Lol this is going to be so exciting. Our last summer as middle schoolers. Nothing but the big leagues after this!

June 13, 2002

Dad wants to go camping for Father's Day so we're going to head out tomorrow morning. Think I heard them mention Lake Arrowhead. That'll be cool. Haven't fished there before.

June 15, 2002

I don't know how but we're in Gotham. Apparently, there's some stupid ghost conversation going on so we're going to be stuck here for the next week. On the pulse side though I found a really cool cafe not too far from the hotel. And they don’t seem to care if you just hang out as long as their not busy and you buy something. Me and Jazz will probably be spending a lot of time here or at their library. It’s huge and has an entire section of space!

June 16, 2002

Turns out I'm allergic to something called Blood Blossoms. Mom and Dad ended up having some guy try to cleanse me of “the evil spook” after I accidentally brushed up against the flowers he had on his table. Jazz had to convince them to get me to the hospital. Luckily one of the guys walking around had an epi pen. So that helped. Still sucks and now I'm stuck at the hotel while Jazz frets like a mother hen. I don't think she's even realized that she has a rash on her hand from when she threw the flowers away from me.

June 19, 2002

So… Batman is real… wtf? He apparently has some questions for Mom and Dad but they haven't come back yet. He apologized to me and Jazz for waking us up and gave us suckers? Which. Weird. And Jazz threw them away when he left because “stranger danger is still a thing even if they are a hero”. RIP little Root Beer flavored DumDum. You will be missed.

And on the other hand, Robin was pretty cool. He's snarky and brave and hilarious and he is just so cool. 10/10 New favorite Robin. He even gave me a book recommendation for the report I'm supposed to turn in at the start of freshman year.

June 22, 2002

We were supposed to leave Gotham today. We were supposed to finally head to one of the lakes on the way home to do some camping and fishing. We were supposed to have a relaxing time. So please journal. Can you tell me why the giant wannabe scaly just threw the GAV? Now we are going to be stuck in this stupid city for another week while Mom and Dad fix it.

June 24, 2002

I made a new friend! Do you remember that cafe I talked about a few days ago? Well, I met a guy there. His name is Jason. He’s an absolute lit nerd but is way cool. The guy’s got muscles underneath his school uniform too. The guy looks like he could snap me like a twig yet isn’t at all like Dash. Hopefully, we can keep in contact after we head back to Amity. For now, we are planning on meeting up at the cafe tomorrow with our favorite books. I found “Star Stories”at the library so I’m bringing it with me. I don’t know if he likes stars but I hope he likes some of the stories about them.

July 9, 2002

Finally back at home. Dad had smuggled fireworks into the GAV (how they didn’t explode when KC threw it in Gotham idk) so we spent the 4th of July shooting them off at the lake. We ended up going to Lake Erie for the camping trip because Mom heard something at the convention about a ghost hanging out around there. Didn’t see any ghosts but the fishing was good. I even caught a bass the size of my head! All around it was really fun! Oh and the stars were so clear! The Summer Triangle was so clear you could point out Vega, Deneb, and Altair! It was so cool! Did you know that Vega is in the Lyra constellation? Or Deneb is in the Cygnus Constellation. And Altair is a part of the Aquila constellation!

Maybe I should ask if Mom and Dad could get me another journal for charting the stars. I’ll need the practice if I want to become an astronaut.

July 29, 2002

It’s a good thing that I got two of everything when me, Sam, and Tucker went shopping for school supplies. I got a lot of new space-themed stuff but the moment I got home Dad insisted on ghost-proofing my new backpack… It melted. I don’t even know how he managed to melt a canvas bag. It didn’t even catch fire first. Just started melting the moment Dad started spraying his new “Fenten Ecto-Rejecto Spray” on it. Wtf Dad.

On the plus side, Sam found a new coffin backpack and Tucker was able to get a new bag that had a pouch that he can put the walkman he got yesterday for his birthday. He is so hyped about it. 

August 6, 2002

School starts next week and I am so hyped. Finally going to be a high schooler. Cool Kids Club here we go!

August 15, 2002

Kill me now. May the Gods strike me down and end my suffering. May the Faits find me lacking and cut my string. May the Crone tear me from the tapestry, the mother rejects my thread from the loom and the maiden take the wool of my youth and set it aside.

Sam has just informed me that that isn’t quite what the Mother, Maiden, and Crone do but whatever. Just know that everything sucks because apparently someone called the house phone and told Mom and Dad that there was a ghost in the school. The A-listers are blaming me for ruining their high school debut.

August 30, 2002

Mom and Dad have started making more noise in the lab than normal. It’s gotten to the point that Jazz has been spending more time at the library to study. Speaking of Jazz, she has been obsessing over self-help and psychology books lately. I mean. Jazz has always talked up therapy but now she’s kinda getting snooty about it. Sam suggested we start hanging out at that gazebo thingy at the park so we can get our work done on the nicer days. We’ll have to hang at Tucker's place though on the rainy days. Sam’s parents have decided that it’s time to put their foot down and get Sam to “socialize with your actual peers Sammy-kins so that you can make better connections and start networking” or whatever. So basically Sam’s mom doesn’t want her to be associated with us plebs I guess.

September 8, 2002

Mom and Dad repurposed the fridge so they could put samples in it. Apparently, the one in the lab broke. The green stuff in the tubes kinda creeps me out. Jazz is yelling at them about it. I kinda agree. Cross-contamination anyone? Think I’m gonna eat out at Nasty more often.

September 28, 2002

Either I’m going crazy or the leftover chicken and noodle soup in the fridge was moving. Like the noodles were wiggling around like worms or something. Jazz ordered pizza.

October 5, 2002

There are new wires in the house now and they glow? Mom said that they had some sort of breakthrough and are using the samples that they have to coat some of the tech in the house to “ecto-proof” it. Apparently, the ectoplasm doesn’t like electronics so they weren’t really able to mix it with tech too well. Some of Mom’s blueprints look like Star Wars blasters. Dad’s are less impressive.

October 29, 2002

Mom and Dad have locked me and Jazz in our rooms because of the “Ghost Menaces”. Me and Jazz have both taped warning signs on our windows so some brave trick-or-treaters don’t accidentally get hurt.

November 1, 2002

The signs worked but I saw Mom and Dad taking off in the GAV around midnight. Whatever. Me and Tucker did manage to reach a new level in DOOM last night so that was cool. And it’s World Vegan Day today so Sam is going to take us out to eat at a vegan place for dinner. I have no clue what Tucker’s going to eat. Well probably get it to-go so he can get something.

I found out where Mom and Dad went last night. The cops showed up and gave Mom and Dad a ticket for destroying a part of the park's water fixture. Someone had organised a haunted forest thing in the park and my parents went absolute ape.

November 2, 2002

Who told Mom and Dad about Dia de Los Muertos? Or that there was a little remembrance celebration/party thing going on today because of it? I’ve decided to make deviled eggs in protest of their chaos and have also bought candy skulls to eat.

November 18, 2002

Apparently, there is an Occult Day(?) and Sam insists we spend the day researching cults. Tucker has found a tech cult online that says there is “Techno Magic” and he is now trying to learn it. Sam has found a book of curses and has been giggling since she found it. Sam giggling is terrifying. I am concerned.

November 28, 2002

The turkey came to life and attacked us. Mom and Dad are blaming ghosts but me and Jazz agree that this is totally their fault for putting the stupid ecto in the fridge. At least the rest of the food was edible. I mean. It had a kinda glowing but I haven’t gotten sick yet. So yay?

November 29, 2002

So the food wasn’t good and I ended up getting sick this morning. fml Jazz is mad that I ate some of it. I am fully aware of what food safety is Jazz. But I was hungry and after the turkey, I was just tired and hangry. I had no clue you had ordered pizza so :p

December 5, 2002

On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me! Nothing because my family is insane. Mom and Dad are already starting their yearly Santa argument. Sam and Tuck are both out of town to visit family for the holidays, Jazz is avoiding the house because it’s “disruptive to my mental development” and I’m grounded for yelling at Dad when he burst into my room and accidentally made my little Rover fall off the shelf and brake.

December 9, 2002

Mom and Dad’s insanity is ramping up. They almost never leave the lab now and whenever I try to bring food down to them they either just mumble and keep working or start arguing again. The whole in the wall has a frame now too.

December 24, 2002

I made a mistake when I brought Mom and Dad their dinner today. In my defense, I was just tired of them yelling about Santa. So I asked why they had hazmat suits but me and Jazz didn’t if ecto was so dangerous. Because if it’s that dangerous then the fact we have ecto in the fridge means that we should all have suits. Jazz is furious with me cause now our parents are making us try on our new suits tomorrow. I am terrified of whatever monstrosity they create no matter how “fashionable” Dad claims they will be.

December 25, 2002

It’s worse than I thought. Mine’s white.

January 15, 2003

Gods, I hate this. I’ve been sick for the past week and Jazz says we’re almost out of soup. I keep going back and forth between being hungry and puking up whatever Jazz feeds me. Mom says that she has some tea that may help but when Dad brought it up it tasted funny. It did make me feel a little better but it just had a really weird taste. Dad said it’s just because I’m sick so everything tastes funny right now.

January 19, 2003

Is it weird that I want to lick the ecto in the fridge? I’m pretty sure it is but it still kinda looks lickable to me. Like how you know that D batteries are not edible but almost everyone has licked one at some point?

Jazz just gave me a lecture about putting things in my mouth that I shouldn’t… Again…

January 27, 2003

Jazz scared me this morning. I walked into the kitchen this morning and just saw glowing eyes. Like a cat’s eyes in the dark. Jazz thinks I’m hallucinating from lack of sleep because of the all-nighter I pulled with Tuck trying to pass the next level on DOOM but I swear that her eyes were glowing.

February 9, 2003

I’m starting to worry. I know they're obsessed with their dumb portal but they haven’t eaten in 2 days. Jazz is planning on going down there and persuading (yelling at them) them to eat if they don’t come up for dinner tonight.

February 12, 2003

Happy Birthday to me. I am now 14 years old. Mom and Dad forgot it was my birthday again. They ran into the kitchen this morning because they completed their portal. They even dragged me and Jazz down into the lab to see them turn it on before we went to school. It didn’t work and now Mom and Dad are going to take a drive around town to clear their heads. They probably won’t be back until dinner time. Sam and Tucker are coming over after school though so at least it will be quiet while they are over. And I think Jazz is going to make a cake if the box of mix I saw her trying to hide from me yesterday is any indication. 

[bleue-flora]

Hello, I come to you with a silly prompt!

In what way do you think Dream is disabled/affected post-prison and if he does, what do you think he does to hide it?

So I’ve loved all of the different answers to this, lots of fun. Sorry to be late in the game. Like usual I’m probably gonna make this more complicated than it needs to be. No surprise there though lol XD. But ya know you asked for my thoughts so here are my thoughts, as messy as they are.

See this is hard for me because there is a divide between what we know for sure is canon, what we can speculate in general and what is more fun to imagine. As well as, the difference between Minecraft and our physical world. Because like obviously no one can actually survive living that close to lava, so we have to decide which elements would match our world consequences and which wouldn’t.

Because it’s Minecraft and things aren’t necessary like the real world, I play looser with some of the effects. So things like for example messed up vision from the lava don’t apply. I mean everyone spends times in mines, the nether, even has lava in their house so it’s not something I personally include. The same with things like seizures and such.

When it comes to canon, obviously we know potions exist in this world, but the thing is there is never confirmation of them being used in the prison. They don’t appear in Quackity’s or Sam’s inventory (besides fire res) when they visit and during the visits we get to see, Dream is munching on potatoes to heal. So does that mean he never gets potions since basic food can work to heal in Minecraft or does he get some only with more severe and dangerous injuries or something. Or would he have sustained less serious injuries because the potatoes can only heal so much. Then again canonically Quackity is swinging a diamond sword and a netherite axe around, which aren’t exactly gonna do small damage.

And the thing with scars is that the only scars we know of are from canonical deaths, meaning Dream would probably have some from the other time he went to limbo (or multiple if went multiple times), and Tommy killing him (quite a few actually given how many arrows he took and stuff in staged finale) but there’s not necessarily confirmation of scars other than that, and Quackity can’t exactly take credit for those.

There’s also the question of whether he was dying and respawning as non canon deaths, especially because again Quackity is using some high damage weapons. Though I tend to lean away from believing that since that isn’t shown except with Sam accidentally killing Dream after Techno escapes.

I also don’t personally think he suffered anything super noticeable because the guards in prison as well as Ghostbur and Tommy and even Techno, don’t mention the torture. Ghostbur and Tommy don’t notice anything, Techno has to be told, and the guards like Badboyhalo even after hearing screaming still seems almost unsure of himself. Plus, Antfrost talks about visiting Dream and yet had no clue about the torture until Bad brings it up. So in my mind he doesn’t have anything too mutilated or missing body part wise, because that’d be kinda obvious. This includes eyes and also even missing fingers (though if he is missing one let’s just all agree it’d be his left hand ring finger because of Quackity’s breakup with his fiancés… ;]). (Though if we decide they were using potions then it’s interesting to play around with the idea of Quackity doing something like cutting off his arm and Sam having to fix that like I did in my fanfiction.)

So in my mind, no major cosmetic things, besides being smaller due to poor diet and starvation. Though again, in my mind it’s not quite the same as real world so I don’t like to imagine him as grotesquely skin and bones if that makes sense… (look he can be broken and still pretty ;D).

But despite what I said, I do like to imagine he has scars and I think potions may not have been a staple but probably did happen if Quackity ever went too far. Maybe early on before Quackity mastered his craft a bit more or later when he became more and more enraged and extreme in his desperation to break Dream. Either way, I think it was a rare occasion type deal. And because of that, in my mind he does actually have scars because the potatoes provide poor healing. So other people dying by falling in a hole or fight in a war don’t really have scars from that duo to respawn and potions or golden apples, while Dream deprived of that would have more lasting effects (because as someone with many scars I like to imagine he has some as a testimony to what he went through). This also means that some of his broken bones perhaps didn’t heal properly causing some pain or even having things not quite right. So fingers bent wrong if you really studied them or knees misaligned or whatever. So some sensation of pain at all times is pretty guaranteed. Though even without injuries healed wrong he’d still have chronic pain because scar tissue is very sensitive and messes up the nerves so it freaking hurts, it hurts to move, it hurts to touch, it hurts to use… etc.

One of the things he’d do would obviously be to the cover the scars to hide them from view, because embarrassment, shame, looking weak… etc but he’d definitely do it in really soft and not super tight fitting clothes because again the skin is sensitive.

I sometimes like to imagine that injuries that are obvious and badly healed enough he would like break them and reheal them, maybe even with Punz’s help. In general, though broken bones, concussions and stuff heal on their own given time so even if not the best, things heal eventually and Dream is up and about swinging an axe so it ain’t like he’s too debilitated. Still, moving and stuff would be painful and he’s definitely not in shape like he was so it makes sense why he uses so many pearls all the time and why Tubbo would say to Punz in the finale about killing him, “He was sluggish—he was slow—he was out of practice we took him by surprise.”

Though, I do think sluggish and slow could also be a reference to his mental ability as well, implying he isn’t as quick witted or as good at reacting, something that if you watch that finale fight does align. His counter measures aren’t super fast especially compared to how adaptable and swiftly clever he was before.

Obviously, he likely has Depression, PTSD, and an Anxiety disorder, as a result. Anxiety is the one we seen him at least try to mitigate by finding the most secure place to sleep so he can feel less stressed out, not going out and provoking people to avoid being attacked, kinda blocking out the world and stuff, not great for his depression though nor his PTSD…

I also imagine he’d be the type of person to think he could get over fears and trauma by exposure. Like sleeping in the cell with the lava down to remind himself he doesn’t need to be afraid of it… things like that perhaps. With limited success.

I imagine he has a lot of nightmares so he mitigates this by not sleeping as much as possible. Old habits die hard I guess…

Based off of Bad talking to Antfrost after the prison break about how he thinks someone was coming in and torturing Dream: “Anytime I would go and visit Dream he would be all shaky and he wouldn’t wanna talk.” I’d say Dream does shake, sometimes out of fear, sometimes out of weakness, sometimes out of stress, and sometimes because his body doesn’t work as it should. He mitigates this by trying to build up his strength and change strategies in battle if it ever gets debilitating, like switching to food, pearls, potions or TNT. He does a lot of pearling and running, and he never takes off his armor in fear of what might be around the corner.

Despite living in isolation for so long, he’s not overly social like he used to be. He goes days, weeks even without really talking to anyone between spurts of being overly talkative and needing interaction.

When talking to people, perhaps he hides his hands behind his back when they shake, he wears his mask to hide anything he might feel - fear, panic, sorrow, they can’t really see the tears building in his eyes or falling down his face that way. They can’t even really tell he’s hyperventilating unless they are paying attention.

He likes to do a lot of pushing down his feelings, which worked in the prison, it’s a good way to survive but it’s no way to heal. Maybe he schedules his meltdowns or panic to a later time - He’ll get upset about the fight with Quackity at home, he can’t breakdown in the streets now.

Maybe he spends days feeling numb, not leaving his bed, feeling like there’s no point. It’s better that way, if he doesn’t do anywhere he’s safe. If Punz asks he’ll lie, and Punz won’t believe him but he won’t push either………….

“Purpled, do you know what that does to a man do you know the limits that people have it—it goes beyond those limits its not okay.”

[purpleplaid17]

Jess Watches // Fri 12 Jan // Day 112 Synopses & Favourite Scenes & Poll

The Resident (with mum) 2x22 Broker and Broker

Nic becomes infuriated when Alec suggests she meet with an organ broker in hopes of saving Jessie's life, but after her other ideas fail, she brings the idea to Conrad. Meanwhile, Devon and Irving help Mina piece together details from her night out.

Mina wearing a suit had me thinking thoughts. The relief that nothing bad happened to her while drunk. Unless bro-ing hard with Grayson counts as bad. It definitely did for Mina lol. And Nic made the toughest call but I think ultimately the right one. What did Conrad offer Bell to get Jessie on the transplant list? Also, Sam Huntington at the end with the promise to support the hospital in monthly installments had me cackling.

Frasier (with mum) 5x16 Beware of Greeks

Frasier discovers that the Crane men are not invited to a family wedding because of a grudge Frasier's intense Greek aunt has held against him ever since he gave her son, Nikos, some advice she didn't like.

Patti LuPone was projecting like she was on a theatre stage while I would've preferred to hear more of Martin gossiping to Daphne about his family.

Heartbreak High 1x04 Rack Off

A piece of locker room gossip tests Amerie's new romance. At the drug-fueled Mardi Gras Slay Ball, things escalate when Malakai faces off with a cop.

This ep was written by an Aboriginal actor and writer, Meyne Wyatt. Which is probably why Malakai getting racially profiled and beaten by the cop felt very real and not sensationalized just for the drama. Unfortunately the cop being a p.o.s. was to be expected, but what happened after with Dusty and Harper was also disappointing. They took advantage of him.

Monarch: Legacy of Monsters 1x10 Beyond Logic (Season Finale)

Shaw and May search for Cate and make a startling discovery. Kentaro struggles with his loss.

Keiko Miura, the woman that you are. I'm Lee, gently cupping her face, amazed that she's still alive. I'm also Cate and May in the background, holding on to each other as Keiko and Lee reunite after all these days/years. The Titan fight at the end was epic! Seriously, what is this show's budget? Super hyped at what s2 could have in store. Especially with the return of a dangerously delectable Dominique Tipper.

[castielcommunism]

Hey! This is probably a stupid question and I don't even know if it has already been discussed, but i cant stop thinking about it sooo... do you think there's a reason why in the show we never see or hear about Dean smoking or even using drugs as a habit? I remember some passing references about him occasionally using, but that's it.

Idk it seems the kind of toxic and self-destructive behaviour he would indulge in. I mean, I can totally see him developing an addiction as a teenager - he was basically 100% unsupervised, definitely not in a good place mentally or emotionally (maybe he had the wrong kind of company, maybe he wanted to look and feel tough, or maybe it was just a way to cope with the shit in his life)

Talking about heavy drugs, i guess there was the need to keep it strictly "recreational", since being a hunter required him to be in control of things, especially when he was on the job. I figure John wouldn't likely give a shit about what his son was doing in his spare time, but he would probably completely change attitude if there was even the slightest risk of compromising hunts and missions because of Dean's actions and shenenigans.

As for the "lighter" stuff such as weed or cigarettes, i really don't know. Even if he used to smoke when he was a teen (and i believe he did) i can't imagine why he would decide to quit later on in his life - i don't think that he would feel the need to, or that he would even be able to for all that matters.

What do you think? Am i just talking nonsense? Helpp, i find the matter sooo deeply fascinating, i need to hear your take on this!

Not stupid at all!

Obviously I don’t have a definitive answer, but it’s probably a combination of several things. I’m not the best person to ask about in-universe explanations since I’m mostly concerned with out of universe explanations. One reason is that I know it’s an issue with actors getting addicted to cigarettes when they have to smoke for a character they’re playing, so like if that’s the reason Dean doesn’t actually smoke then I completely respect that.

As for other drugs, the show seems to take a generally reactionary view of addiction, positioning it as a weakness that makes you less human. Sam’s demon blood thing is a prime example (also I was recently made aware that samcrit in the fandom used to revolve around the fact that he’s an addict and that’s bad????), but we also have Crowley’s addiction to human blood, which is positioned as a weakness he develops and also something that’s comical/pitiable because “actual” monsters can’t turn themselves into humans. Vampires are also frequently framed as having a blood addiction even though that’s just like, their diet lol, but that’s a common trope in fantasy and not limited to spn. And I’ll push back on your framing of drug use for that reason - like, it’s not so much that it’s consciously self destructive as it is a coping mechanism for the state of your life, and chemical dependency on drugs isn’t a moral failing on anyone’s part. But spn makes multiple links between addiction and a loss of humanity, or rather, a proximity to monsterhood. And because of the monster v human parallel thing they had going on with Sam and Dean, not depicting Dean as a drug user would help contrast him better with Sam.

addiction in this framework is also not “cool” or manly (unless it’s alcohol), so there may be some weird hesitance with Dean interacting with drugs because of that. and also the cultural climate when spn was first made was pretty socially conservative - I’m not American, and I was young during the Bush years, but I remember even shit like weed being talked about in very hushed and dangerous tones. The cultural impact of the war on drugs can’t really be overstated, even though certain drugs like marijuana and even cocaine have been somewhat rehabilitated as cool and normal to do in recent years.

And like I don’t think all of this is necessarily conscious or intentional. It could be something as simple as just not wanting to explore drug use as a topic in your cable tv monster hunting show, sticking instead to fantastical versions of it like blood addiction. It’s not manly to do “loser” drugs so Dean doesn’t, and that reasoning isn’t examined beyond that. And honestly I’m glad spn mostly doesn’t concern itself with drug use because I’m not really interested in seeing the show’s take on it lol.

So yeah, Dean will make oblique mentions of doing drugs (mostly pot) from time to time for some flavour and to tease the fact that he’s a social outcast (again, not examining why drug use is marginalised), but there isn’t a commitment to actually exploring that, so it manifests only in comments like “never buy a blunt from a guy named Don” or however that quote goes

[doodlebloo]

📓 please u are my favorite dsmp writer every single daydream u have will be amazing

Augushd this is so sweet. Ok this is the outline I HAD for my "cTubbo rescues Michael_B and revives cRanboo" fic. I don't feel like I will ever write it BUT just in case pls no one steal this lol. Essentially this is how I would write the current plotline :)

I actually already have the first chapter written LOL but I doub I will ever finish it. This is the outline I had tho. ALSO this was written before the Saving Michael lore so the reason cEret doesn't save Michael w them is bc I had no idea that would be canon. Also this is messy so sorry abt that

It's been a week and a half since Ranboo died and Tubbo is sick of waiting around. He runs off to find Jack Manifold. They have a long talk where Tubbo tries to convince him to give up his keycard, but Jack doesn't want to, ESPECIALLY when Tubbo starts alluding to possibly taking himself out with the nukes. Eventually Tubbo trades him Manifork for it and then heads off to his shift at Tubburger. It's mind numbing and tedious and he hates it and he gets a lot of thinking done. He and Quackity have a chat, and when he shift ends Tubbo says a very vague and worrying goodbye to Q insinuating that he may not be coming back, Q seems as worried as Q could be while still being in character, and gives Tubbo possibly misguided but well meaning advice before he heads out.

Tubbo expects it to be a lot harder to get Techno to come w him to get Michael, but Techno's pretty much immediately ready to go. He admits that he has a pearl stasis chamber ready to go just in case, but he DOES offer to let Tubbo make one, too. Tubbo declines but Techno reassures him that he wouldn't just leave for no reason even if there's danger. Tubbo asks if Techno would teleport back even if he were holding Michael and he says yeah probably which is good enough for Tubbo. Along the journey it's good old fashioned Bonding-Ish (as in Holding Techno Accountable type bonding) till they get to Sam's island.

Tubbo is short with Sam, angry, ready to threaten, but Sam is just sad. He gives Michael back without much resistance, and he tries repeatedly to tell them what Ranboo has done. It definitely gets under Tubbo's skin, but he ignores it bc of course he does, excusing Ranboo's actions away like he always does. He and Techno get back to Snowchester and have an Awkward but sort of sweet goodbye where Techno offers future protection if Tubbo ever needs it, and Tubbo just... Revels in Michael being back for a bit.

He knocks on the door of his old house a day or two later, because if PHIL is the only one who knows where Tommy is, then things MUST be bad. Tommy invites him in, and then cClingyduo cClingyduo cClingyduo. Barest hints of healing, hushed conversations about why Tommy finds Tubbo's house safe, Tommy doesn't like Michael at first but we already see him start to grow on him by the end of the convo. Cliffhanger ending where Tubbo offhandedly mentions "finding where Ranboo respawned" bc he can't be dead and Tommy's like "I'm... Pretty sure he's dead" and Tubbo's like "Well I don't believe that. I got no proof, no body, and there's not even a ghost" and Tommy's face falls and he's like "Oh Jesus" and Tubbo's like What and Tommy's like "Tubbo... Have you not met Ranboo's ghost?"

And then hard cut to next chapter he meets the ghost of all places in the fucking Crater. And he's short with him, reminisces about the bee dome, he's polite but he pretty quickly realizes that this just Isn't Ranboo. The ghost taunts him a bit without even really meaning to and Tubbo stops being able to handle it so he just heads into his shift. He practically begs Tommy to watch his kid, and Tommy is SO reluctant at first but Tubbo needs him so he caves. Tubbo goes to work and it's raining in LN (snowing really, more like sleet) so Quackity chills inside and Tubbo chats idly with him and casually brings up necromancy and they have a tense but seemingly nonchalant convo about revival and suddenly Quackity gets serious and he's like "Tubbo you don't want to mess with this stuff" and Tubbo's like "You know about this stuff, then" and Quackitys like "No, I know how hard it is to figure it out. If I knew it I'd have at least offered you a trade offer to help revive your husband. Damn, I'm not a monster." And Tubbo is stricken by how sweet that is but anyway they keep talking and they're both really vague but eventually they trail off and Tubbo's like "Hey big Q. Where's that slime fellow." And so Quackity is still vague but he reveals Some stuff and Tubbo only half manipulating him convinced Quackity to reveal any hints he has from cDream and Quackity doesn't like doing it but he realizes that Tubbo NEEDS this. And Tubbo thanks him sincerely and Q tells him to keep in touch and that he'll murder cDream for coming near him or Tommy and that he's sure Sapnap would help him but his voice catches on the name and Q follows it up with "And I won't say I told you so if it turns out your partner is someone you don't want back." And Tubbo isn't even mad over that, he just feels SEEN, so he thanks Q for the books and disappears into the sleet of night.

Tommy and Michael are beginning to grow close, because Tubbo will only come out of his lab to feed Michael and tuck him in at night and Michael gets bored with his same old toys and coloring books sometimes and Tommy doesn't like being completely by himself, so he comes over to sit in the lab sometimes and feels safe with the extra security layers Tubbo has put up (and as Tommy tells him one night over potions, it's quite nice to hang out with Tubbo again.) Tubbo works and works and works until he finds an old sticky note from his dead husband reminding him to take a break and after that blow he couldn't keep working even if he wanted to, so he takes a walk outside as a breather and just sits and reminisces and thinks. The ghost finds him. And it sits and reminisces with him and then it asks him to STOP, tells him it doesn't want to not exist and asks Tubbo not to kill it. The ghost tells him exactly what he doesn't want to hear: that Ranboo hid things from him, that he'd hurt Tubbo before and had plans to do it again, that his skewed worldview was worse than Tubbo thought, that he'd known he was bad and asked to be locked up. And Tubbo lets that sink in... And then he's like "You say he wanted to be locked up to protect me. That sounds like something my Ranboo would do. And maybe I don't know everything about him, but I know he'd never hurt me." And the ghost tells him some of the things Ranboo has done, finishing with "And the rest I shouldn't say", and when Tubbo denies it, the spirit slips him a memory book and floats off, seemingly happier than before (likely proud of himself for preventing Ranboo's revival and his subsequent "death"). Tubbo cracks open the book and begins to read.

Tubbo hasn't seen Tommy or Michael in days. He's just been processing. He's made a little grave for Ranboo, then torn it down to make a better one, then torn the better one apart in a hurt rage, and now he sits at the quaint memorial he's made in he woods behind the mansion. He talks to the grave, as if Ranboo an actually hear him, and he talks about how maybe His Ranboo isn't even the Real Ranboo, and maybe everyone has been right about Ranboo being terrible, and that maybe Tubbo will revive him and Ranboo will stab him through the heart. But, Tubbo finishes, even if it ends up being the death of him, he cares too much for Ranboo to leave him to rot in limbo, and he's had enough of leaving his friends to die. Tubbo sends a VERY worrying comm message to Tommy, looks up at the forming clouds, and heads off to get the body. Sam grimaces when he sees how terrible Tubbo looks. He offers help, Tubbo refuses. Tubbo asks for the body. Same leads him to Ranboo's makeshift grave. He tells Tubbo about why he'd killed Ranboo, how it had gone wrong. He tries to tell him what Ranboo has done, Tubbo just responds "I Know." He hauls the coffin into his boat and doesn't respond when Sam tells him to be safe.

In his necromancy tower, Tubbo cranks the lever to raise the open coffin up to his lightning rod, reading out spells and channeling magic and tryin mg everything he can at once. He prays aloud to Channel Membership, to lady Prime, to the Goddess of Death and the Goddess of Life, and a crack of lightning strikes the coffin. It's raining hard through the open tower and the coffin is smoking and Tubbo worries his husband will get wet in the rain and he rolls down the coffin only to find a charred mark on Ranboo's chest and a lifeless corpse. Which... Doesn't make sense, because this ritual SHOULD revive someone, and... How had Wilbur been revived? And then it hits him. He has to kill the ghost.

Tubbo finds the ghost in the stupid Outpost. He's been looking for hours, and when he finally stumbles across the thing, it's singing and placing grass blocks and it's so Ranboo and so Not Ranboo that Tubbo almost keels over. They sit, and they have a long talk about the past and the present and the future, the cookie outpost and how Ranboo felt about things and how Tubbo felt about things, and it's basically every bit of cBeeduo catharsis that cTubbo needs to hear. And then the ghost sighs and it says "You're here to kill me, aren't you?" And Tubbo is like "Yeah. Yeah, I'm afraid I am." And the ghost half-heartedly tries to convince him not to, warning him about who Ranboo really is in a VERY self deprecating way, but Tubbo needs his husband back. And the ghost is like "Well, this was fun while it lasted, right? I had fun, at least, and I'm sure you had at least a little bit of fun without him." and Tubbo's like "Y'know? I actually really really didn't." And Tubbo's like "You wanna go say your goodbyes to people?* And The ghost is like "No, that's okay." And then a pause, and then "I'm sorry I wasn't him, and I'm sorry I couldn't give you whatever he gave you" Tubbo at the last second is like "I'm not sure I should do this." and the ghost smiles and is like "Then I'll do it for you. He's been itching to come home anyway." and the ghost walks right out into the rain and melts in front of him. And Tubbo is baffled for a bit, crying in an emotionless sort of way, before his brain goes FUCK FUCK FUCK RANBOO RANBOO RANBOO, and he takes his trident (Ranboo's Trident that he stole because Ranboo always let him do that fuck he misses Ranboo) and makes a mad dash for where he knows Ranboo will respawn - the prison. And when he gets there Ranboo is under a tree, confused and disoriented and gasping for air and Tubbo crouches down to look at him and Ranboo flinches away from his eyes before he meets them, "Tubbo?" and Tubbo goes blank. He picks Ranboo up and offers him his own armor, it's not waterproof but anything helps, and as Ranboo puts it on he whimpers and whines about How is he back, did Dream revive him, is Michael okay, and instead of speaking Tubbo grabs his hand and tugs gently, and he and Ranboo emerge from the tree they'd used for cover and start sprinting down the path towards Tubbo's old house, and Tubbo can't help but smile despite everything because RANBOO RANBOO RANBOO and Ranboo starts LAUGHING and it's all just perfect enough for Tubbo to ever so slightly cry. And they get to Tubbo's house and Tubbo gives him some of Tommy's clothes, Ranboo dries himself off and they sit in front of the fire. And it's deathly quiet for a good bit as they sit shoulder to shoulder until Tubbo opens his mouth to say something terrible and ends up just going "I Missed You." And Ranboo's like "Yeah God I missed you too, more than anything, actually. I still don't understand how I'm back." and Tubbo's like "I brought you back." And there's a bit of Ranboo being in awe and Tubbo acting like it's NBD, and then it gets quiet and Tubbo's like "I thought about not bringing you back." Barely above a whisper. And Ranboo's like "...What?" And Tubbo's like, "Ranboo, I know what you did to be put in the prison. I know everything you've done." And Ranboo blinks once, twice, before his eyes roll back and go purple. And Tubbo frowns, "Ranboo?" But before he can do much of anything, Ranboo is standing up and leaving, saying something in a language Tubbo doesn't understand. And Tubbo tries to stop him, to the point that they lightly tussle and fight, but Ranboo rips himself away and speaks in perfect English, "You need to let me go. I dont want to hurt you any more than I have. This is for your own good." And he walks out of house, leaving Tubbo alone in the pouring rain calling out after him.

Tubbo informs everyone that Ranboo is alive. He then informs them all that he's missing. Tubbo can tell that Techno is a bit angry with him for losing Ranboo, but they both agree to keep each other updated and look everywhere they can think of. Tubbo messages Sam, something to the effect of He knows that Ranboo has to be locked up if Sam finds him, but Tubbo would still like to know that he's been found at all. Sam agrees.

Tubbo and Tommy and Michael sit holed up in the house again, because Tommy has been getting letters sent to his dirt hut, with nothing but a smiley face printed on them, and his paranoia is so bad that he'll barely go outside.  It's just Tubbo thinking and lamenting and when Michael talks about how he's convinced that a dream he had about seeing Ranboo was real, Tubbo leaves him with Tommy and decides he HAS to take a walk, has to get away from his darling boy who he's failed. Tubbo wanders out as far as his feet will take him, paying barely any attention to where he's headed, travelling in and out of the nether and tridentine whenever he gets the chance and eventually he's walking through the woods and he hears something crunch and turns around and there's fucking RANBOO. And despite everything, he somehow looks awkward. And he vwoops out a hi, then coughs and says it in English. Tubbo is shell shocked. Ranboo starts backing away, and Tubbo rushes him, using his sword to pin Ranboo's tie to a tree. And he's like "You are not going fucking anywhere," and they fight because Tubbo knows what he's done and knows he's working with Dream, and Ranboo INSISTS that he wouldn't have used the TNT on the prison if he knew it'd kill Tommy, insists that he knows what he's doing and that it's actually DREAM that's helping HIM and that if Dream actually tried to hurt anyone he'd stop him, and Tubbo fucking explodes. He starts screaming and crying, telling Ranboo that he's an idiot if he thinks he can stop Dream on his own, that nobody can stop him, that Tubbo had worked so hard to bring him back and missed him so much just to bring back someone who doesn't care about him at all, tells Ranboo that if he's ever cared about him he'll turn around and come back home and see their son right now. And Ranboo wipes his tears away, not even flinching at the burn, and "Oh Tubbo. If you think I haven't seen Michael yet, you overestimate how easy the castle is to break into. And if you think I'm gonna hurt you, why did you marry me?" And Tubbo pulls himself back and he's like "I guess I didn't know." And Ranboo's like "I guess you didn't. You will, though. You'll see what I have planned. And it'll be good for us, and no one will ever fight again, and we'll get to be happy." And Tubbo's like "Ranboo, I don't know that you've ever known what would actually make me happy." And he takes his sword and sheathes it and walks away.

He doesn't tell Tommy what happened. They stay in the house, and Tubbo keeps Michael with him all the time instead of letting Eret babysit, literally not letting the kid out of his sight. Tubbo has been throwing himself into making traps, as many and as brutal as he can craft them, all to ignore how SELFISH he'd been to keep Ranboo to himself, how Michael hadn't even gotten to see his father for what may have been the last time ever because Tubbo wanted his husband all to himself that night, selfish and stupid and idiot. And it's a Misery chapter, Phil coming by to check in quickly and Quackity calling them both to make sure they're okay (maybe Sapnap is on the line with them), Eret stops by with food and an apology for the castle being broken into, and then eventually Eryn convinces Tommy to go on a walk, to get out and see the sun and shit, and Tommy agrees. Tubbo stays home and talks with Michael and apologizing for not believing him. And then Tommy messages Tubbo frantically, GET HERE NOW NOW NOW NOW (spam), Tubbo comes RUNNING with Michael tucked close to his chest, he bumps into Eret on the path on the way and just shoves the kid into his arms and takes off running, he skids to a stop and Tommys house is burning and ruined with a chest and a compass just like it was for the disc finale again and Tommy's on his knees and Eryn is grinning, saying something about how Tommy will have purpose again, and Tubbo trips over his own feet and vomits right into a flower bed and the world tilts on it's axis, and he and Tubbo curl up in the grass. They stay there for far too long until Tommy eventually forces himself up and offers Tubbo a shakey hand, and Tommy reads the note informing them that they have one week to head to a set of coords, and when Tommy turns the letter around it's in Ranboo's fucking handwriting.

They go to Philza and Technoblade. Tubbo doesn't want to, he begs not to, pleading with Tommy to leave it be, but Tommy insists. Tubbo pays Eret handsomely for babysitting (after all, he won't be needing money where he's going,) and heavily insinuates that Eret may be raising his kid after he dies, and Eret's insinuation in return is that he'll tell Michael stories about his parents and their adventures and make sure that he grows up knowing who they are. Eret ventures as far as a hug, and Tubbo allows himself the briefest moment to lean into it before becoming a Soldier again. Tommy and Tubbo hold hands on their way through the nether, Tommy hates the whole journey and Tubbo has to help him breathe once they get through the portal, Tubbo cracks a joke and Tommy tells him how much better he makes things and then they both get sick from deja vu. Phil is there when they arrive, they ask for Techno and Phil says he'll message and tell him to head back to the base, but he's been out looking for Ranboo so he's fairly far away. They sit with Phil and explain everything they know, and Tommy says they want help, and Phil... Basically just says it's up to Techno. Techno comes in, Tommy gives the same spiel, and when Techno starts with like "Look, I-" Tubbo interrupts, and gives the most genuine bit of emotion he's shown to Technoblade so far, and Technoblade is like "Well... I owe Dream a favor. And I can't go back on that favor. But! If you guys think Ranboo is there, I'm coming with, because I want my friend back. And if I have to fight Dream to get him back, I will fight Dream to get him back." And then he breaks and says some shit about maybe Dream and Ranboo are just hanging out and they're all gonna be interrupting, but he makes it clear that he at least wants to TALK to Ranboo. And Phil is like ah, are we gearing up then? And so Technoblade offers Tommy and Tubbo a gapple each and instructs them to be ready to go early.

Tubbo says Goodbye to his things. He says goodbye to Snowchester, to several graves, to the crater. He says goodbye to Michael, writes a note for Eret that Michael is supposed to read when he's older, texts Quackity and JM goodbye, all of which while still maintaining the false positivity that they'll make it out alive. Tubbo has no intentions of making it out alive. He thinks if he has to die to bring Michael's dad home, he will, and he thinks it's about time anyway, because his friends seem to die all the time and Tubbo never does. So they head off, and the coords lead to a weird portal that looks like Technoblade and Phil's table. And during the fight Ranboo will be purposefully not hurting them but not letting them hurt Dream either, and then Tubbo will get hurt and he'll flip like a switch and help them kill cDream. And after that there's obviously peace, because cDream is finally gone, and because cTubbo apparently knows how to revive people now (although I'd like to say that once cDream dies, the server starts running on an infinite lives system where the only death that could count is old age or something like that.)

What were Ranboo's motivations? I have literally no idea. Thats honestly probably why I didn't write it <3

and this time it isn't a mountain, but a cave. And so they travel down the darkness into this cave, and Tommy hugs Tubbo quickly and wordlessly before they go in and they hold hands all the way down, and Tubbo hopes that  Tommy looks away when he dies. And eventually they get to a strange set of corridors, stone brick hallways that sometimes lead to dead ends, sometimes empty jail cells, a maze of different passageways before they eventually find a table. In the center of the table

[kellyvela]

GRRM has said in interviews that he’s purposely played with the romantic tension between the hound and Sansa. What do you think the endgame purpose of the unkiss and that playing is meant to be for?

This is all what he said about the matter in question so far:

The Hound and Sansa, romantic or platonic? It could be very different things to each of those involved, mind you!

JUNE 24, 1999 THE HOUND AND SANSA

Moreta12: I understand, I’ve heard your opinion on that. In ACOK, it seems that the relationship between the Hound and Sansa had romantic undertones. Is that true?

GeoRR: Well, read the book and decide for yourself.

Moreta12: I’ve read the book and I’ve debated those particular scenes with a few others. Half say that it’s romantic and half say it’s platonic. I’ve taken the romantic stance.

GeoRR:  It could be very different things to each of those involved, mind you

Moreta12:Yes, but it seem like evidence points towards romantic undertones. Will the Hound appear later?

GeoRR: Yes, the Hound will be in STORM OF SWORDS. In fact, I just finished writing a big scene with him.

[Source]

When will Sansa be “legal”?  **ºª@”¡¿x<%$!&?

OCTOBER 05, 1999 AGE OF SEXUAL RELATIONS IN WESTEROS

The nature of the relationship between Sandor and Sansa has been a hot topic on Revanshe’s board. Sansa’s youth has been one focus of the discussion. What is the general Westerosi view as to romantic or sexual relationships involving a girl of Sansa’s age and level of physical maturity?

A boy is Westeros is considered to be a “man grown” at sixteen years. The same is true for girls. Sixteen is the age of legal majority, as twenty-one is for us.

However, for girls, the first flowering is also very significant… and in older traditions, a girl who has flowered is a woman, fit for both wedding and bedding.

A girl who has flowered, but not yet attained her sixteenth name day, is in a somewhat ambigious position: part child, part woman. A “maid,” in other words. Fertile but innocent, beloved of the singers.

In the “general Westerosi view,” well, girls may well be wed before their first flowerings, for political reasons, but it would considered perverse to bed them. And such early weddings, even without sex, remain rare. Generally weddings are postponed until the bride has passed from girlhood to maidenhood.

Maidens may be wedded and bedded… however, even there, many husbands will wait until the bride is fifteen or sixteen before sleeping with them. Very young mothers tend to have significantly higher rates of death in childbirth, which the maesters will have noted.

As in the real Middle Ages, highborn girls tend to flower significantly earlier than those of lower birth. Probably a matter of nutrition. As a result, they also tend to marry earlier, and to bear children earlier. There are plenty of exceptions.

[Source]

Unreliable Narrator

JUNE 26, 2001 SF, TARGARYENS, VALYRIA, SANSA, MARTELLS, AND MORE

[GRRM is asked about Sansa misremembering the name of Joffrey’s sword.]

The Lion’s Paw / Lion’s Tooth business (*), on the other hand, is intentional. A small touch of the unreliable narrator. I was trying to establish that the memories of my viewpoint characters are not infallible. Sansa is simply remembering it wrong. A very minor thing (you are the only one to catch it to date), but it was meant to set the stage for a much more important lapse in memory. You will see, in A STORM OF SWORDS and later volumes, that Sansa remembers the Hound kissing her the night he came to her bedroom… but if you look at the scene, he never does. That will eventually mean something, but just now it’s a subtle touch, something most of the readers may not even pick up on.

[Source]

(*) It was Arya who misremembered the name of Joffrey’s sword tho…

Unreliable Narrator 2.0

OCTOBER 05, 2002 SANSA’S MEMORY

[Note: This mail has been edited for brevity.]

… this is an inconsistency with ASoS more than an outright error. In ASoS, Sansa thinks that the Hound kissed her before leaving her room and King’s Landing. In ACoK, no kiss is mentioned in the scene, though Sansa did think that he was about to do so.

Well, not every inconsistency is a mistake, actually. Some are quite intentional. File this one under “unreliable narrator” and feel free to ponder its meaning

[Source]

Unreliable Narrator 3.0

NOVEMBER 27, 2007 GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS

Here’s a really particular question (which I realize means it probably won’t get asked in a general interview): In A Storm of Swords, there is a chapter early on where Sansa is thinking back to the scene at the end of A Clash of Kings when The Hound came into her room during the battle. She thinks in the chapter about how he kissed her, but in the scene in A Clash of Kings, this actually didn’t happen. Was that a typo or something? —Valdora

GRRM: It’s not a typo. It is something! [Laughs] ”Unreliable narrator” is the key phrase there. The second scene is from Sansa’s thoughts. And what does that reveal about her psychologically? I try to be subtle about these things.

[Source]

Sansa may be dead but Alayne is alive

APRIL 15, 2008 FUTURE MEETINGS, POVS, ARYA’S ROLE, EASTERN LANDS, AND ASSASSINS

[Will Sandor and Sansa meet?]

Why, the Hound is dead, and Sansa may be dead as well. There’s only Alayne Stone.

[Source]

A lot more dangerous than romantic

AUGUST 2, 2009 AS SER JORAH MORMONT…

weltraummuell: The Hound Oh please don’t cast an old guy for the Hound, his scenes with Sansa are so romantic and erotic, I couldn’t bear if it’d feel creepy all of a sudden. Well, that’s me making demands. LOL

GRRM: Re: The Hound Old guy? No, but… the Hound is still a whole lot older than Sansa, and was never written as attractive… you know, those hideous burns and all that… he’s a lot more dangerous than he is romantic.

kestrana: The Hound Yeah its a “girl always wants the bad boy” kind of thing although Sansa seems to pull something else out of him. It feels so wrong sometimes but I want to see them together again tee hee.

weltraummuell: The Hound Hehe, George, maybe you didn’t intend it, but he turned out to be a very erotic character to female readers. Especially since he’s mutilated and dangerous. Makes him unpredictable and vulnerable which is the most explosive aphrodisiac for a girl’s fantasy. ;)

weltraummuell: The Hound And I know from discussions on other board other women feel just the same about Sandor. He’s an absolute favourite with the ladies!

halfbloodmalfoy: The Hound LOL, you’re such a man. To many of us women, dangerous *is* attractive.

GRRM: The Hound But no one has any love for poor old Sam Tarly, kind and smart and decent and devoted…

[Source]

I played with it but I didn’t get the answer I was waiting for

JUNE 22, 2012 SWORD & LASER VIDEO PODCAST

GRRM: I am sometimes surprised by the reactions, of women in particular, to some of the villains. The number of women over the years who have written to me that their favorite characters are Jaime Lannister or Sandor Clegane [the Hound] or Theon Greyjoy… All of these are deeply troubled individuals with some very dark sides, who have done some very dark things. Nonetheless, they do draw this response, and quite heavily, I think, in the case of some of them, from my female readers in particular.

Veronica Belmont: I’m a big fan of the Hound, myself, actually.

Tom Merritt: Of Sandor? Really?

Veronica Belmont: Yeah, the Hound… Maybe it’s not because I feel any compassion towards them, I’m not really sure what the attraction is. Ah, I’m not going to call it attraction, actually. Let’s just say it’s a fascination, perhaps.

GRRM: [Chuckles] Well, I mean, fascination is one thing, but some of these letters indicate that there really is like a romantic attraction going on there. And I do know there’s all these people out there who are, as they call themselves, the “San/San” fans, who want to see Sandor and Sansa get together at the end. So that’s interesting, too.

Tom Merritt: The TV show has sort of played with that a little, and probably stoked those fires.

GRRM: Oh, sure. And I’ve played with it in the books. There’s something there, but it’s still interesting to see how many people have responded to it.

[Source]

I played with it but I didn’t get the answer I was waiting for 2.0

JUNE 23, 2015 GRRM Q&A AT THE SCIENCE FICTION BOOKSTORE IN STOCKHOLM

Question: “Is there any fan reactions that you have been surprised by, like is there a character that’s more popular than you thought or have people been shocked by something you didn’t think we would be shocked at?”

GRRM: “I’m reasonably certain what people will be shocked by. I knew that the Red Wedding would provoke a big reaction and it did. I was pretty confident that, you know, throwing Bran out the window and then killing Ned in the first book would get reactions, and indeed they did. All of those worked exactly the way it did to the extent that things that have surprised me, they tend to be smaller things. I guess I… Maybe I should not have, I don’t know. How do I phrase this without getting myself in terrible trouble… I guess I don’t understand women, but I was definitely, you know, way back when, surprised by the number of women who reacted positively to characters like Theon and the Hound as dashing, romantic figures. The san/san kind of thing took me by surprise, I must admit, and even more so the women who, and there are some, who really like Theon. So that surprised me.”

[Source]

Unreliable Narrator 4.0

DECEMBER 2016 ASKING GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ABOUT S@N/S@N

My question is regarding Sansa Stark. Her sexuality has evolved through every book and yet the memory that seems to stick the more with her in this regard is the night of the Blackwater. So I was wondering if you can expand on your view on what this is, since as before that night her interactions with Sandor Clegane weren’t really physical.

The night of the Blackwater, yes. Ahhh… Well, I’m not going to give you a straight answer on that hahaha… Uhmmm, but I would say that ahhh… you know a television show and a book each has its own strengths and weaknesses; there a re tools that are available to me as a novelist, that are not available to people doing a television show. And of course there are tools available to them, that are not available to a novelist, I mean they can lay in a soundtrack, they can do special effects, they can do amazing things that I can’t do, I just have words on paper. What can I do, well I can use things like the internal narrative, I can take you inside of territories… thoughts, which you can’t do in a TV show… Ahhh… You just have the words they speak, you see them from outside because the camera is external, while prose is internal, and I have the device known as “unreliable narrator”… Ahhh… Which again, they don’t have. So, think about those two aspects when you consider that night of the Blackwater.

[Source]

Do with it what you will.

[babybluebex]

hey, just received a lot of negative criticism for a paper i worked hard on and i need to relax. may i ask for some silly h/c for zemo and a sokovian reader, the bond over a language in the world where sokovia no longer exists? thank you in advance 😔

agh sorry for just getting to this! i’ve had quite a week lol

ok i imagined this like happening at a little restaurant in germany, like zemo lives in munich and is living his life, and he goes to the same coffee shop every morning

and it’s been years since sokovia was destroyed and he’s still a little ill about it

when people ask, he says he’s from austria bc there’s always the people who like feel like they need to say they’re sorry and most times he just doesnt wanna fool with it 

he has nobody to speak sokovian with, so he sorta starts to forget it, or will turn it into a german-sokovian-russian Thing

and he’s in the coffee shop one morning like reading his newspaper and living his life and he hears a quick chirp of “dobro jutro [good morning]!!” and like nearly upends his coffee bc that’s sokovian!! someone’s speaking sokovian!!

and he turns to the door and sees this kid there, and they’re a lot younger than him like he can hardly pinpoint how old they were during novi grad, probably hardly a teenager

and he listens to you order in german and notes the accent, it sounds just like him when he speaks german

and you walk by him as you go to a table in the corner and sip at your coffee 

and zemo battles himself for a moment do i go over and say hi? what do i even say? like he’s older and this kid is young, and what if they recognize him?

in the end, he decides to go over and clears his throat a bit to get your attention and you look at him confused like “Kann ich Ihnen helfen? [can i help you?]” 

“jesi li govorio sokovski? [were you speaking sokovian?]”

and you smile and nod like :3 “da! da li si sovokijan? [yes! are you sokovian?]” 

“rođen i odgojen [born and rasied]” and zemo hesitantly takes a seat across from you before you fully beckon him into his seat 

“moram da pitam: koliko si imao godina kad je novi grad ... otišao kaput? [i have to ask: how old were you when novi grad... went kaput?]”

“petnaest [15]” and zemo’s like they’re 24?? and asks as much and you confirm it for him

“da li se neko od vaše porodice izvukao? [did any of your family make it out?]” and you shake your head “Izgubio sam oca i ženu i sina [i lost my father, and my wife and son]”

and you reach across the table and take his head and whisper “i’m so sorry”

and then y’all jump into a conversation like old friends, and zemo realizes how much he’s missed native sokovians and how kind they are but how flat and dry their humor is

y’all talk about everything you miss about your little home country, from the lovely countryside that ran a little bit into latvia but nobody really was counting, even down to specifics like the little tea room catty cornered to the cathedral in the center of novi grad 

zemo brings up their cherry blossom tea and you like hit the roof because you know EXACTLY what he’s talking about 

and then, quieter, zemo says to you “i bet nobody even knows what language we’re speaking” 

“that’s kinda fun, though, huh?” you giggle “i feel like a spy or something”

and zemo scoffs and it makes you laugh 

“too childish?”

“no, no!” and his eyes widened cuz DAMN he knows he fucked this up “not at all. i just personally happen to know the most dangerous intelligence operatives in the world, and they’re not nearly half as serious as you”

“oh really?” and like OBVIOUSLY this guy is playing with you. he’s hot and speaking your mother tongue and you sorta assume he wants more than friendly conversation (which there’s nothing wrong with that but, guy, i’ve got a lecture in half an hour, get to the point)

“yes. james and sam get in fights all the time” and zemo contemplates his coffee for a moment before adding “like cats. they paw and hiss at each other, it’s quite funny”

“james and sam,” you repeated. “are they sokovian?” 

“american” zemo says, and he like flaps his lips in exasperation how those funky europeans do and you giggle at him

“ah, so they’re worthless”

“essentially”

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

so are dreamons canon? i read your post a while back and agreed, but since foolish has mentioned them on this livestream, i feel like it isn’t something to brush off. idk just wanna see your thoughts since you’re my go to for lore :) love the essays btw

(warning: the answer to this ask goes on a bit of a meandering tangent, I apologize lol. Basically just a train of thought, no solid theories yet)

Dreamons canon maybe? Maybe??

DreamXD canon? I mean like, beyond McDonald’s? Like the OG DreamXD lore might actually be canon?

I mean, not like it matters a ton since DreamXD’s not gonna be a big part of the lore as we know, but...

That’d be really interesting if it were canon, and what Foolish said lines up with what we know. Dreamons can only possess one person, the Egg can brainwash many. 

But OG DreamXD lore my beloved

“I think he’s one of those rare species…I think it’s called a transmuted Dreamon, which means he quickly swaps between the two. But I think when we did the ritual, we got rid of the “Dream” part and kept the ‘Dreamon’ part, and now, I think…”

“Dream’s ghost got back into his body when he — that’s how he levitated!”

“Yeah, so he must have been full Dreamon when he levitated up! But now I think he’s back to regular old Dre.”

“We are mad scientists…we have just played god! And it worked!”

(DreamXD logs in)

“We’re not gonna talk about that…like I said, he has two. Two of them. That’ll be something we’ll have to tackle next time.”

(DreamXD comes zooming in to punch Tubbo)

“YEP! YEP, THAT’S A DREAMON! THAT’S A DREAMON!”

“If my theories are correct, Fundy…I think every person has a Dreamon.”

(Then in the next stream)

[of the two states] “One which is probably possessed by a Dreamon, and one which is his normal self. And what we did is, we split those in half last time, didn’t we? And now Dream is actually Dream, but…I’m gonna put this name in the chat, I want you not to say it out loud…”

[He types “DreamXD” in chat]

He implies that’s the Dreamon one.

So basically, Dream had two states and the Dreamon Hunters split them, and that’s when DreamXD -- either a Dreamon himself or possessed by one to the point of becoming one (the way Tubbo describes it, those things seem to be interchangeable -- if you’re possessed by a Dreamon, you are one) first appeared. So now DreamXD is a separate entity.

And then you’ve got the Egg, whose vines can be turned lime green with Church Prime water. And Dream himself is the sole enforcer of the Holy Land’s rules and /kills anyone who breaks the no-kill rule, the Holy Land is only a neutral zone because he designated it as such (as he brought up during Quackity’s revolution) and implied that the Holy Land’s power could be revoked if he chose.

Dream attempted to destroy the Egg the first and only time he met it (and his meeting with the Egg has been mentioned in canon multiple times, so we can assume that wasn’t just an OOC bit), so it seems like Dream and Church Prime are an oppositional force to the Egg, DreamXD is god but maybe also still a Dreamon, and the Egg is more powerful than Dreamons but can be resisted with the power of Church Prime.

It’s like rock paper scissors lmao

So Dreamons were mentioned in relation to the Egg, a comparison to it, which means the Egg is not a Dreamon.

But what’s neat is that Foolish actually brought up the idea of Dream being a potential ally for or against the Egg in his lore stream, he didn’t know which. 

And Bad brought up Dream to the Egg as “the green guy -- you’ve met him” when telling the Egg the news about Tommy’s death.

And Tommy brought up the Egg during his last prison visit stream.

And Bad brought up the Egg as well during his visit and Dream said he remembered meeting it in both.

Dream’s meeting with the Egg keeps getting brought up, so it’s safe to say that him attempting to repeatedly break it with Sam, making an effort to clear out the Blood Vines, and him being creeped out by the Egg is also canon. 

Bad was first to meet the Egg. Sam was second...and Dream was third. Even before Puffy, even before Antfrost.

And there’s clearly some sort of meaning behind the colors, behind lime green being a “purified” version of the Blood Vines washed off with holy Church Prime water.

And then you’ve got the freaking book.

What about Bad and Sam made them safe to give the secret of the revive book to, I wonder? 

Bad: “Information about what?”

Dream: “Mmmm…I think that it puts me in danger if people know I have this information. I can’t clarify what it is, otherwise – I don’t think – you wouldn’t – it wouldn’t be a danger to you, but to other people, that…”

Bad: “Oh…okay. I’m really curious now.”

Dream: “I…we’ll find out.”

Sam: “Wait, so you’re saying…Schlatt traded you information to join his side, which you accepted, so it must’ve been valuable.”

Dream: (chuckles) “I think it’s the most valuable thing on the server!”

...

Dream: “I think that, in pertaining to the prison, it may be important, but – so maybe I’ll have to tell you guys once the prison’s construction is done, but…we’ll see.”

“It wouldn’t be a danger to you.” 

To Bad and Sam...the only other two people to have met the Egg at the time...why?

We finally found out what the book is, but there are still some hints Dream gave about it that remain unexplained.

What does the book have to do with the prison? Why might Dream *have* to tell Bad and Sam what it is once the prison was finished?

And...who was the original prisoner the prison was meant for, anyway? We know it wasn’t Tommy, Tommy wasn’t the prisoner in the original plan Dream commissioned the prison for...

Dream: “It’s just an option, because if you can’t kill somebody, you might need to lock them up.”

Can’t kill somebody...but Dream then goes on to tease secrets about a book that literally gives him the ability to kill people and bring them back?

The only person Dream can’t revive, at least that we know of, is himself, because you need someone else to "click respawn” for you. If Dream dies, death is permanent. He’s the only person no one can kill without risking that.

The book has something to do with the prison, something about the Crimson and the color green...everything’s vaguely connected but we don’t have the answers to start putting the pieces together yet.

What does it all mean...?

Time will tell!

[themonkeycabal]

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, ep 3

Good morning!

Spoilers! of course

Previously on:

The new Captain America is a massive tool, but his buddy, "Battlestar" (lol), is a little bit adorable. They work for something called the Global Repatriation Council, which sounds like a bureaucratic delight and joy.

Bucky got arrested for skipping his therapy appointment to go to Germany (nothing good ever happens to you in Germany, Bucky. Stop going to Germany.) on a mission with Sam (the mission went badly). And once he's sprung from the clink, he and Sam are suckered into the most awkward team therapy session in many an age. Things Are Said and everybody ends up mostly feeling pretty bad about everything.

Speaking of feeling pretty bad about everything — we discover there was a black super soldier in the US Army during the Korean war who was repaid for his service by being imprisoned and made a lab rat for thirty years. Just as awful as it sounds.  

Also our pseudo-terrorists from the first episode turn out to be a pack of idealistic kids who grew up in a blipped world and whose goals are probably as murky to them as they are to me. They, however, have pissed off somebody much bigger and badder (probably by stealing super soldier serum). 

To find just what in the sam hill was going on with the super soldier serum being out in the wild, Bucky suggested they go talk to that very stable and rational repository of Hydra knowledge, Zemo. I'm sure this will go swimmingly.

I've got my chips and guac and beer, it's 12:30 a.m., and I'm ready for some good ol' fashioned fisticuffs! Bring it, Marvel,

And we open with a sunny, smiley propaganda ad for the Global Repatriation Council. Helping you get back to the way things used to be. Reset. Restore. Rebuild. Cut to a shady black police van with the GRC logo and militarized police hop out along with Captain Massive Tool and the shield that really shouldn't be his. They seem nice.

"Don't give them a second to delete, shred, or breathe," says Captain Biggest Bestest Hero Ever as they prepare to breach a graffiti covered building. Ah, it's the hideout in Munich where Karli and the flag stompers gang were bunked last episode. The owner refuses to give up any info, calls them brutes, spits in Captain Tool's face, and Captain Biggest Bestest Hero Ever roughs him up and yells "Do you know who I am?" The owner replies for us all, "yes, I do, and I don't care."

Captain Tool leaves and grumbles about not having intel on that super dangerous criminal 12-year old, Karli. Battlestar (lol) points out she's giving shelter and meds to displaced people, and so they're loyal. And I'm just going to let that go at this point, because last ep she was on about how the GRC only cared about helping the returning people and not the people who were there all along, and the Flag Smashers wanted to return the world to how it was during the blip. But now suddenly they're all about helping the displaced, who I thought were the ones who were gone, thus, you know, being displaced when they come back to a world that's moved on without them. And I'm letting it go …. now.

Or not. I mean, I guess we could say that they're helping the displaced the GRC doesn't want to help, because they're not politically useful or the GRC is funneling its massive resources somewhere else. Or … something. Like I said, it's all very murky at the moment. I could keep watching and probably discover the answer. And I'm sure the GRC is corrupt as hell, so you go Karli! Though, she's like 16 (okay, maybe early 20s), and I'm not sure how she's managed this level of pull and resources in the few months since the great Un-Blippening and also she's got like a team of 8 (or 7, one died last ep) and she's not exactly oozing charisma. But, never mind. Moving on. For real this time.

That's all my way of saying that 3:48 into this episode and I'm already super done with Captain Massive Tool.

In Berlin, Bucky and Sam are visiting Zemo in prison. How'd they get permission? The guard seems very chill about them being there, he even leaves so Bucky and Sam can go to Zemo's cell alone. Which is so very weird. Are they hoping somebody will shank the weirdo who sits in his cell listening to opera and playing chess all day? "Oh no, he's dead, how sad. Heinrich! Get the mop!"

Anyway, Bucky says he'll go in alone, because Sam's an Avenger and Zemo doesn't really have warm fuzzy feelings for Avengers. Sam, who is currently in possession of the duo's one (1) brain cell, remembers how Zemo literally stalked Bucky and tried to frame him for a bombing and mass murder. "He was obsessed with Hydra. We have a history together," is Bucky's very questionable counter-argument. Well, I mean, technically yes, I guess.

Seriously, they just let him walk right in. Wow.

Zemo steps out of the improbably dark recesses of his cell and immediately starts reciting the Winter Soldier control words. "I just wanted to see how the new you reacts to the old words." By staring. It's his thing.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry. It was never personal." I don't know why, but this made me laugh. His delivery is great. It's just like "hey man, good to see you again, hope you got past that whole framing you for murder and the global manhunt thing. Sorry and all. I just really hated your BFF for that time he dropped a city on my family. Bygones, amiright?"

Bucky skips the chat. "Somebody recreated the super soldier serum. I need to find out who." Ah, Zemo is super interested. But, of course. He killed all the other Soldiers, he wouldn't be keen on others around, would he?

Zemo knows where to begin looking for the answer. Cut to Sam and Bucky walking around in a dark room full of some sort of vague equipment (ah, it's a garage), Sam regretting every life decision he's ever made that led him to this point "what are you talking about you want to break Zemo out of jail? Where the hell are we? Buck, have you lost your mind?" Stupidity, who knows, and yes.

"Zemo's going to mess with our minds. Especially yours. No offense." "Offense." lol idiots.

Bucky finds the lights. They argue some more about Zemo. "Super soldiers go against everything he believes in. He is crazy, but he still has a code." Sam's like, yeah, I saw his code, it was blow shit up and kill a lot of people. Sam cannot believe he is hearing this crap right now and he's got to be like "steve rogers, if you weren't 106 I would beat your ass for leaving me with this moron".

"Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?" Sam, feeling those cold, tingly chills, the slowly creeping horror of realization, "What did you do?" "I didn't do anything," Bucky lies like the terrible liar he is. Wow he's a bad liar.

Cut back to Zemo's prison cell. Zemo ticks another off the "creepy euro villain" checklist, when Bucky randomly asks what he's reading and Zemo says Machiavelli. But of course. He's hiding something in his book. A key card.

Meanwhile, in the garage Bucky is explaining things to Sam. "The weakest point of any system isn't the software, or the hardware, it's the meatware." lol elegantly put, Bucky. "The human element."

Anyway, to sum up, Bucky's already broken Zemo out of prison. Poor Sam, the look on his face as Bucky hypotheticals through all the steps of the breakout, I laughed so hard.

Sam: “i hate everything, especially this asshole”

"And where are we?" Sam asks, very fed up with Things. 

The door opens and here comes Zemo in his purloined guard's uniform.

"You're going back to prison!" "We need him, Sam." Zemo, politely, "If I may—" "NO!" "NO!"

Argue argue argue. Bucky makes a weird pitch about how Steve didn't sign the Sokovia Accords and neither did Sam and, they went all illegal and on the run, they did it for him and so he's asking Sam to do that again. I mean, Sam's still slightly cheesed about that, Bucky. But, it seems to work, and Sam agrees with A Great Deal Of Reluctance.

Zemo's just standing there all quiet and well-mannered as they go through this, like he's their little pet whackjob.

The garage is full of classic cars belonging to Zemo and they're full of weapons and other goodies. He says he spent years tracking down all the Hydra people who might know how to make the serum, because if it's out there, then somebody could create an army of people like the Avengers. He's taking clothes out of one of the cars and finds a purple ski mask, which he stealthily slips into a bag. Nobody cares about your weird purple mask, Zemo, I've thought that thing was dumb for 30 years.

"To do this, we'll have to scale a ladder of low-lifes." heh

Next they go to an airfield. In Germany. You guys, come on.

Anyway, Zemo owns a plane, he's rich, his family was royalty, he's a baron. Sam's like 'wtf?' Bucky just rolls with everything. Or he does until they're on the plane later and Zemo has somehow lifted Bucky's book of amends and decides to read through it. "Who is Nakajima?" And Bucky's got him by the throat.

Sam's all hey that's Steve's book. "I told him about Trouble Man, he wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What did you think?" "I like 40s music, so…" "You didn't like it?!?!?!?!" "I liked it." Zemo chimes in, "It is a masterpiece, James. Complete, comprehensive. It captures the African-American experience." lol wtf

"Everybody loves Marvin Gaye," Sam is so offended. "I like Marvin Gaye," Bucky says, probably trying to remember 'who is Marvin Gaye?' "Steve *adored* Marivn Gaye," Sam insists. lol. I like Marvin Gaye, Sam.

Zemo starts going off about Steve, and how the danger with those heroes and super soldiers is they're put on a pedestal and we forget about their flaws. And while he's not wrong, he also clearly wants Sam to throw him out of that airplane.

"Do we want to live in a world with people like the Red Skull? No. That is why we're going to Madripoor." Ahh Madripoor, I haven't thought about that place in a long, long time. A wretched hive of scum and villainy, iirc. Ah, yes, Zemo and Bucky confirm.

Zemo says they can't go as themselves and Bucky's going to have to "become someone you claim is gone". Bucky looks Deeply Unhappy.

On to a GRC resettlement camp in Latvia. Karli is playing soccer with some young kids. Because of the good-natured idealism. She's summoned to a hospital bed, in a ward stuffed with beds in an old, fancy building that's seen better days. Somebody is dying and she's crying at their bedside. Her mom maybe?

Back to Madripoor. It's a glittering city of colorfully-lit skyscrapers. The trio are walking across a bridge to give us a picturesque view and exposit about what they'll be doing. Sam is wearing a very questionable suit with like a black and red floral pattern and yellow-green circles. Or something. I can't tell what's going on with that thing. He says he looks like a pimp. Well no, but it is a terrible suit. Zemo calls it fashion forward, but Zemo wears a great coat with a fur collar and a purple ski mask. Don't take fashion tips from Zemo.

He says Sam will play a "sophisticated, charming, African rake, named Conrad Mack. Aka the Smiling Tiger." Sam is still not thrilled, "even has a bad nickname." Though, yes, the original dude does dress that poorly and he looks like Sam, so suck it up, Sam.

Fortunately they don't have to walk all the way across the bridge (it is a long ass bridge), they're met by a car about halfway and Zemo says they have to super duper stay in character no matter what happens.

The car is surrounded by elaborately decorated motorcycles ridden by very armed people. Hell of a welcome wagon. They're escorted to a graffitied, crumbling underpass, presumably the entrance to Low Town. It's part Macao, part Kowloon, part Jakarta, crammed full of neon and people and ramshackle buildings piled together in a maze of narrow streets, rails, and weird building-to-building bridges. Good set design.

Everybody is "fashion forward" and very heavily armed. They pass a wall with the words "Power Broker Is Watching". That's the charming fellow Karli and her do-gooders stole from.

They enter a bar decorated with golden baboon skulls and koi fish. Zemo asks "are you ready to comply, Winter Soldier?" he's attracted attention from unsavory sorts. I mean, more unsavory than the already unsavory sorts who fill the bar. The bartender is surprised to see Zemo and the Smiling Tiger. Zemo asks for Selby.

Somebody at a nearby table pulls a hood over her head, and by somebody I mean Sharon Carter. NOT SUBTLE SHARON!

Bartender asks the Smiling Tiger if he wants the usual and Sam silently nods. The bartender seems suspicious, but he takes a pickled snake out of a jar, cuts something out of it, drops it in a glass and places it in front of Sam who's like 'what in the actual I am going to puke'. lol Sam bravely tosses it back and does not puke no matter how much he really wants to and he really wants to. Bucky's being the Winter Soldier and is not at all laughing in his head about this.

A power broker minion comes over and tells Zemo he's not welcome there. Zemo says if PB wants him to leave, he can talk to him himself or bring Selby. The minion looks at Bucky and asks if he got a new haircut. Bucky gives him pure murder face. So the Power Broker and his minions know the Winter Soldier, so they were Hydra? Or, I guess, they all ran in the same shady circles.

Anyway, PUNCHING AT LAST! Power Broker minions approach to remove Zemo and Zemo tells the Winter Soldier to attack. Bucky is not pleased, but I am, because now there's punching. It's just been the sort of week that needs punching to improve it. Bar brawl! It's a lopsided fight, Bucky's wiping the floor with these dudes and the suspicious bartender is moving away to make a call.

"It didn't take much for him to fall back into form," Zemo tells Sam. Shut your pie hole, Zemo.  Aw, now the guns come out and the fight's over. Zemo calls off the Winter Soldier and the bartender tells them Selby will see them.

Selby is lounging in her backroom, listening to 50s french pop, and hanging out with lizards and piles of cash. As you do. She'd like to know why Zemo is there and by the way wasn't he in prison? She makes a weird purring sound at Sam. lol. I like her. The actress looks familiar but I can't place her. Anyway.

Zemo says if she tells them what she knows about the super soldier serum, he'll give her the Winter Soldier and his control words. Then Zemo weirdly fondles Bucky's face and like rubs at the cleft in his chin. lol. fucking weirdo.

Selby is charmed. She says she's glad she didn't kill him straight away. Weirdos of a feather, I suppose. Anyway, she says the serum is in Madripoor and developed by Dr. Wilfred Nagel. He was working for the PB. She won't give up Nagel's location for free, though. …and Sam's phone rings. Pro tip, Sam: turn off your phone when you go into meetings with deeply shady crime bosses.

Everybody stops and stares at him and he just sort of lets it ring. It's his sister. Dude, just turn it off. Too late. Selby wants him to answer it on speaker. Okay, well, she'll kill you either way, so just refuse the call and get ready for punching and running. So, he answers it.

Sarah says she needs to talk to him about the situation and he wants her to say exactly what situation. So, she says the one with the boat, dummy, and are you high? So he's going to play this off as a Doing Crime phone call. And it kind of works until Sarah calls him Sam. Selby's like wtf kill them and then she gets shot in the chest by … I don't know who? somebody from the outside. Now this trio of geniuses is going to get blamed for it. Immediately a bounty for them goes out to like everybody in Low Town. lol. That went well, guys.

And the shooting starts, they run. Except not so great for Sam who we just discovered is wearing heels. "I can't run in these heels!"

Here come the bikers. And they get picked off by somebody in a nearby warehouse. Oh, is that Sharon? Yep. And she's salty .When asked what she's doing there, "I stole Steve's shield, remember? I also took the wings for your ass so you (sam) could save his ass (bucky) from his ass (zemo)." lol. She didn't have any backup so she's off the grid in Madripoor. Did nobody think to clear her after everybody was all heroic and then pardoned after the Un-Snappening? Come on, guys.

She's better than they deserve and despite being bitter, she says she's got a place in High Town they can hide.

Sharon runs a gallery selling stolen masterpieces and other hot craft goodies. The creators of this show bless us with a long shirtless Sam scene as he changes out of this Smiling Tiger duds and apologizes to Sharon. She says she'd be arrested if she went back to the States and Madripoor doesn't allow extradition. Besides, she muses, heroing is hypocritical bullshit. Right Sam, since you gave up the shield and all. And Sam's all "bwhu?"

Then she turns her bitter on Bucky and asks how the new Cap is and Bucky's like "i hate him the most" and she's all 'come on', she knows he buys into all that heroic bullshit, "before you were his (zemo) pet psychopath you were Mr America, Cap's best friend." Well, no before that he was the Winter Soldier long before Zemo.

"Wow, she's kind of awful now," Bucky tells Sam. lol. You really get a sense of how much Bucky lucked out with his goat farm. Thanks Wakanda!

Sam gets them back to the point and wants to know where Nagel is, though Sharon says they should stay out of it to be safe. Sam presses, he says he can help clear Sharon's name and she's like 'wow, bargaining with my life?' but he gives her a Cap-worth speech about trying. "They cleared the bionic staring machine and he's killed almost everybody he's met." "I heard that," Bucky says from ten feet away. "I don't trust charity." You just tried to guilt him about bargaining with your life, Sharon!

Anyway, they strike a deal.

Zemo's being suspiciously quiet.

Then they go to a rave. Madripoor is party central. Sharon's gallery is hosting a party for clients and whatnot. She'll see what she can find. For some reason she invites the boys to join her at the party because hiding from the bounty on them and probably also from the Power Broker means walking into parties packed full of the sort of people who buy expensive stolen goods in Madripoor, like say, the Power Broker or his wealthier minions.

Zemo's just happy to be out of prison. The shot of him dancing. lol.

Sharon finds a lead on Nagel and the next day this quartet of galaxy brains heads to the docks. Nothing bad ever happens when you go look for scientists at the docks. No sir. And he is apparently hanging out in a shipping container. Sharon's like hurry up you've got a bounty on your heads and I'm sick of you three already.

The container is empty, but Sharon insists it's the right one. Zemo goes in and finds the false back which leads to a set of stairs going up. "Comin' Home Baby" is playing in the distance. I know I always listen to Mel Torme when I'm tinkering on gene-altering serums in my secret shipping container lab.

They find Dr. Nagel, who is not keen on chatting but he's willing to maybe listen to offers. He's definitely the mad scientist type.

Sharon, keeping watch outside, spots trouble. Some bad guys heading towards the container. She attacks! Moar punchies! Or beating the shit out of people with a baton. It's eleventy zillion bounty hunters. How did they find them? Did that Very Wanted Trio maybe go to a very popular party the night before, or something?

Bucky attempts to persuade Nagel with his gun. Nagel says he was brought in to Hydra to work on the Winter Soldier program. Then he was recruited by the CIA. They had blood samples of a subject (Isaiah? the black super soldier from last ep), and he was able to recreate the serum off of that. "I was a god! I did what no other scientist since Erskine was able to do."

Zemo is pacing around like a very, very angry psycho about to shoot the mad scientist. Guys, maybe it wasn't a good idea to bring Zemo to the person who could create the super soldier serum, given that is the opposite of what he wants. Kill Nagel, no more super soldiers. This is gonna end bloody. Zemo seems to have found a gun hidden in the lab. Yep.

"How have we never heard about this?" Sam asks. Well Sam, it turns out Nagel was blipped. Thanks, Thanos! Anyway, when he came back the CIA project was abandoned but the Power Broker was happy to help fund him. He made 20 vials and Karli stole those. And then Karli being a super duper genius, called him a few days earlier and asked if he could help somebody dying of tuberculosis. Karli … don't call the bad guys and ask for help after you stole from them. That's like day one stuff, kiddo.

Meanwhile, Sharon is still fighting every bounty hunter in Madripoor. She's killed like twenty guys.

Sharon runs in "guys we're seriously out of time" and Zemo takes the distraction to shoot Nagel. Who didn't see that coming? Oh yeah, Sam and Bucky and Sharon. Nobody was using the one (1) brain cell today. Or Zemo was. That's what you get for loaning it to the lunatic.

And then somebody fires a freaking rocket at the shipping container lab. Man. But, can you collect a bounty if all that's left are unidentifiable, charred corpses? Nobody in Madripoor is using the brain cell today.

Now they're trapped in a burning lab that's full of probably very bad explosive chemicals and o2 tanks. And yep, it partially blows up. Zemo gets away. Or seems to have, anyway. It's a gun battle now and also arguing. lol. Sharon's like "FOR REAL YOU IDIOTS?"

Oh, here comes Zemo, stomping along the top of a shipping container, carrying his purple ski mask. He fires at a gas line, the explosion distracting the bounty hunters and giving the trio time to run. Zemo beats up some bounty hunters and then finds a convertible muscle car in a container and swings by to pick up the others. Sam is very grumpy "you're going back to jail". lol.

Sharon's like 'okay, buh-bye!', she's had enough. Aww, is she really only in one episode? Well, Sam does promise to try and get her that pardon, so …

Anyway, Bucky calls shotgun and refuses to move the seat up for Sam. Payback is sweet. Heh.

Oh, not done with Sharon yet. She meets a minion and says they've got a couple of big problems.

Lithuania. Karli and one of her pals are stalking a GRC depot. Karli's sad. Her buddy says she should take some time to mourn. But, no, she's got do-gooding to do. They chat for a bit about what they'd be doing if they weren't do-goodering. She'd be a teacher or some such. They were all in Madripoor, washed up there during the blip, put then put out when everybody returned. Hmm. Lots of expositioning. Blah blah, scary taking the serum. "But it was worth it, because this world is ours." And they're going to give it to the kids in the displacement camps. … alrighty then.

Anyway, she's convinced that now that Nagel is dead, the Power Broker will come to her begging for the rest of the serum. No, sweety, I really don't think a person like that begs. Yikes.

"So we've got the one fight ahead of us then? I'll take those odds," says her very dim buddy.

In the prison in Berlin, Captain Massive Tool is talking to the guards about how Sam and Bucky where there when Zemo escaped and the guard's all "you … you don't think they had something to do with him getting out…." World class security. I find it really grating that Captain Tool calls Sam and Bucky by their first names. It's just so weirdly familiar that it almost crosses into dismissive. Completely unearned familiarity.

Lemar says they can't just accuse Sam and Bucky without evidence, but Captain Tool seems to think they can just, you know, make it up or some shit. "If we get the job done, do you think they're going to sweat us on the how?" Fuck you, Captain Tool.

Back in Zemo's plane, Bucky's fastidiously cleaning his metal arm, like a big grumpy cat. And Sam is trying to get a lead on the person (Madani) Nagel told him Karli wanted to help. He's got Torres on it.

They get to talking about the shield and how many people died or got messed up because of it/the serum. Sam says he made a mistake giving it up and he should have destroyed it. Bucky says, "Look that shield represents a lot of things to a lot of people, including me. The world is upside down, we need a new Cap, and it ain't gonna be Walker [preach]. So before you destroy it, I'll take it from him myself." Kick his ass, Bucky!

Torres gets back to Sam just as Zemo brings them lunch. Such a good host. "They found Madani. Dead. She died in Riga, a city near the Baltic Sea." … was that last bit really necessary? Like Riga is such a mystery? Even if you don't know where it is, like, that's so weirdly clunky. Somehow I think if you don't know Riga, you probably don't have the Baltic in the map in your head, either.  'Have you ever been to London? A city on the River Thames.' 'I've always wanted to go to Los Angeles, a city near the Pacific Ocean.'

Bucky should have said "oh yeah, i love Riga. I killed a diplomat there back in '64. Great beer."

Zemo's got a place they can go and he's looking forward "to coming face to face with Karli." Not creepy at all, Zemo. Nope.

Meanwhile, the kids are raiding the GRC depot and chatting way too much and calling each other by name. Oh dear.

"Filthy Flag Smashers" grumps a soldier tied up on the floor. I can't take them at all seriously with a name like that. Karli says they had six months of supplies just sitting there. "Don't you understand, we're fighting for our lives." Are you? Why and in what way?

Okay, so this is my continuing issue here. They're trying to build up this un-Blipped world, which is great, but they're doing it through So Much Exposition and so much of it is vague. We're supposed to think the GRC are probably shady, but are they? I don't know. Could be. They're sitting on these supplies! Evil! Maybe they are, but why? Why stockpile all that? Is it being sold on a black market? Or diverted to other people? Who knows! I don't. You don't.

We're supposed to sympathize with the Flag Munchers, but they're so vague in their goals. They want the world back how it was during the Blip. Okay. How was it? I don't know. What was so great about it? What we saw in Endgame didn't look all that great. But, we saw it from a different point of view, to be sure. So, what was it like for the average person who survived? Hell if I know. Also the Munchers want to help the people in the displacement camps. Okay. So do those two goals go together? I don't know. Are all the displacement camps bad? We're meant to think so, but I don't know. Is it just some of them? Is it regional? Who, exactly, are the displaced? It seems to be a mix of those who were blipped and those who weren't. I guess. I don't know.

It's just all taken out of the Big Book Of Cliched Assumptions for Lazy Worldbuilding. Why actually do the hard work of details, when they can just fall back on tropes, make vague pronouncements about how 'bad' things are, and let us assume the answers. This might bother me less if we didn't have to spend so much time with Captain Tool and the Flag Munchers. I cannot tell you how much I currently don't care. I find this all very frustrating. I don't mean to spoil the fun. Let me look at Sam's face again:

That was better. But, I stopped too soon. We're still with the Munchers. 

They're leaving the building they just looted, and there’s a bit of business I don’t care about, involving Karli’s car and how she’s not taking it, she’s going to just leave it parked, completely unsuspiciously in front of the building. And, she’s going to ride with her pal Mr. Dimbulb. 

She tells him to put his seatbelt on and she's very insistent. And then her car blows up and the building catches fire and it’s very dramatic. 

Her buddy's like wtf there were people in there and Karli says, "This is the only language these people understand." ARGH. Who people? Why is bombing them the only language they understand? Like, in this show, the GRC have literally DONE NOTHING. Nothing we’ve seen and nothing we’ve heard. At least have people chat about dark and dire rumors or something. Hell, they haven’t even been accused of doing anything other than ‘caring more about the people who returned than the ones who never left’ which is literally their job. sighing all night long. Maybe they’re horrible and evil and the Worst Thing Ever. But I DON’T KNOW THAT, because nothing in the show has bothered to establish that. 

ANYWAY

Riga, a city on the Baltic Sea

The trio are walking down the street, Zemo expositing for us again. Sokovia was apparently swallowed by neighboring countries, erased from the map. "I don't suppose any of you bothered visiting the memorial? Of course not. Why would you?"

Bucky's looking not happy. Probably remembering '64. They get to Zemo's place and Bucky says he's going to go on a walk. Zemo and Sam go on ahead and Bucky watches until they're out of sight and he circles back and finds a beeping thingy on the ground. He notices something across the street. Ah another round beepy thing. Now he's collecting them. He steps into an alley and says, "You dropped something". Nobody immediately appears.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up." And he turns around and it's one of the Dora Milaje. She looks unhappy and she’d like to know where Zemo is. Yeah, the Wakandans are not just gonna let Zemo wander free. That's a sticky situation you got yourself in, White Wolf.

Credits.

Well, I really enjoyed the bits that didn't contain the Flag Munchers or Captain Tool. Do better with your world-building, people.

[yourfinalbow]

Ack anon I'm sorry. Tumblr ate your ask and I'm 🔪 But I saved your ask to put on the Google Doc so don't fret! I have it!

“Hi Ghastie Ghast, I wanted to share a prompt with you lol. I decided to go more holiday theme’d because it’s never too early to get into the holiday spirit.

“Your favorite winter drink was back on the menu, so I decided to surprise you with it.”

Please enjoy this prompt lmao”

The nickname made me -_- but hi Little Gray Circle Dude With Sunglasses! Thank you for sending me this! I had fun writing it. I'm assuming you wanted a Destiel fic, so that's what I wrote! (Also bonus points for Saileen as a background ship?) I sort of strayed a little from the prompt and the tone gets heavier as it goes on… 👀 I also accidentally wrote more than intended, so you can read it on Ao3 if that's easier. (And maybe give it a kudos because you’re the best?)

Title: Black Coffee Derangement Syndrome

Ship(s): Dean Winchester/Castiel, Sam Winchester/Eileen Leahy.

(Basic) Tags: Fluff, Slight Angst, Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker, Established Dean/Cas, Established Sam/Eileen, Using black coffee as a metaphor for hypermasculinity, With a whip cream style topping of internalized homophobia. *Finger guns.*

Warnings: Coffee gatekeeping and small sections of fluff that are as sweet as Cas’s Starbucks order. Also I’ve been to Starbucks once. Maybe twice? (Also a single mention of a drug that's commonly found as white powder, the non-descriptive comparison of Sam’s stupid health stuff with emesis, and use of the name that the figurehead for Germany in WW2 bore, just to be safe.)

Rating: T? Maybe? For language?

Word Count: 9k+

Quick thanks to my awesome beta @walksinstarllight! They are a poet and a writing sorcerer (wizard without a hat), and the only reason this fic even makes sense so please go shower them in kudos. (You can find their work here.)

Another thanks to @internetintroverts, who described a peppermint mocha to me in like 300 words because I drink black coffee and know nothing of anything ever. You can find their work here! (There's an Easter egg of one of their fics in this one hehe.)

The first thing Dean did when Cas got back from the Empty was give him coffee.

Okay no.

The first thing he did was fall into Cas’s arms and grip that stupid trenchcoat until his knuckles turned white. Shaking and laughing with hot tears streaming out of his eyes, he told him he was an asshole for leaving him like that. And to never, ever do it again. With blurry eyes and all other thoughts hazy, he told Cas he could have it, he could have what he wanted. Whatever he wanted. He told Cas he loved him too.

But then the next thing was coffee.

Caffeine is a hunter’s number one best friend, and since Cas was human again, Dean knew Sam was going to come at him with his stupid green health drinks and herbal tea. As Cas’s knight in shining armour, (a title used by Dean and Dean only), it was his duty to protect him from the disgustingly liquified rabbit food.

Now he expected Cas to like black coffee, you know, like a normal person.

But no, oh no. Apparently, he was dating a heathen.

Dean had to actually rub his eyes the first time he watched Cas fix his own coffee. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen, mouth agape.

Cas was leaning on the counter, humming some song that Dean could neither recognize, nor would he approve of, thank-you-very-much.

(Ok it was Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift and it's entirely possible he's listened to it once or twice but he still doesn't approve of it, thank-you-very-much.)

He held his yellow and black striped, bee-themed ceramic mug Eileen had bought him in one hand, and the entire five-pound bag of cane sugar in the other. And there he stood, happy as can be, pouring it directly into his mug.

Dean rubbed his eyes again.

And not even like, a normal amount either.

He just kept pouring, and pouring, and Oh my god he’s still pouring. Dean thought. It would honestly be more believable if it wasn’t sugar at all, and instead was in fact Cas’s secret stash of cocaine.

Dean might actually have to put sugar on the grocery list after he was finished.

His thoughts traveled back to Ishim doing the same thing with his coffee, in the tiny little diner Cas had set up as a meeting place. Dean had barged in that day, not thinking of his brother mocking him, or the possibility of danger inside. His vision was as tunneled as his thoughts  focused only on Cas, not caring about anything else.

By that time the following day, Dean thought they were both going to die. The bloody and uneven sigil on the wall, Cas no more than ten feet away. Not quite within a comforting reach. The room was spinning from the blow to his head, and he could barely make out the words being spat from Ishim’s mouth.

“You blast me away, you’ll blast away every angel in the room. I’ll survive. Castiel, on the other hand, he’s hurt. He might live, or he might just end up a bloody smear on the wall.”

He almost lost Cas that day.

The blood rushed to his ears as his instincts sought out the mark on the wall. Ishim had told him to roll the dice, but in his head he couldn’t look past the chance of rolling a one. Watching the acrylic cube bounce until it decided Cas’s fate. There was no dilemma, there wasn’t even a decision to be made. He would always choose Cas over himself. Silent acts of care he could never vocalize.

An inability to speak formed from fear and cowardice. Like a lion in his stomach scratching at the words until they fell back down his throat.

And it was that inability to speak that led Cas to think he was nothing more than a tool for the Winchester’s to use.

He almost let Cas believe he meant nothing to him.

Dean cleared his throat. “Mornin’ Sunshine.”

Cas set down the bag of sugar and picked up the pot, the glass making a small clink as it hit the top of the coffee maker. “Goodmorning Dean. Would you like any coffee?” He greeted cheerfully, turning around like he hadn't just put enough sugar to make a pound cake in his coffee.

“Uh.” Dean was still caught off-guard by Willie Wonka over there. “Sure Cas.” He took the coffee pot from his hand and muttered a thank you.

“So,” Cas started while Dean reached into the cabinet for his own mug. “What ingredient do you suggest I put in my coffee this morning?”

“Uh...I don't know man. I drink my coffee black.”

“Yes I know you’re boring Dean, but you can still help me not be.”

“Black coffee isn't boring it's-”

“Dean, if you say ‘manly,’ I will sit you down and make you eat only spinach and kale for a week.” Sam said, walking into the kitchen, hair still spiked up from sleep. He used one hand to sign the words, his other one occupied by Eileen, who was sleepily shuffling closely behind.

Dean looked aghast. “I would starve.” He attempted to sign his indignant response, hands moving sloppily while holding both his mug and the coffee pot.

“I think that's the point.” Eileen said, laughing. She looked at Cas. “Is Dean gatekeeping your coffee aspirations again?”

“Yes.” He answered, ignoring Sam’s laugh and Dean’s huff of exaggerated outrage.

“Have you tried cinnamon?” Sam suggested. “You like Dean’s apple pie, and that has cinnamon in it.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Sam. Dean told me not to ever take cooking advice from you.“

“And I stand by that.” Dean interjected suddenly.

“I can cook!”

“Ehhh…” Eileen’s comment bought her a look of betrayal. “Though Sam may be right on this one, you might like it.” She shrugged.

“See.”

Cas pondered the thought for a moment. “Perhaps I will then.”

“Do we have nutmeg?” Eileen said, breaking away from Sam’s grip to check one of the cabinets. He walked to the other side of the kitchen, intending to look through the spice rack, knowing exactly what his girlfriend was getting at.

“You better not mess up my damn kitchen.” He said quickly. “Or you're organising them all next time.”

Sam rolled his eyes, knowing full well Dean would never let him organise the kitchen. Eileen looked through them, carefully turning the bottles around until the labels faced her. She pulled out the cinnamon and clove while she was looking for the nutmeg.

“Found it.” Sam called from the other side of the kitchen, walking over and putting a hand on Eileen’s shoulder.

“Thank you.” She said with a smile, grabbing the plastic spice jars.

She individually tossed each one to Cas. “Use these, it will taste like a pumpkin spice latte.”

“And don't forget the milk.” Sam added.

Cas scrambled to catch the spices, successfully grabbing two of them out of the air, the third one intercepted by Dean.

“What’s a pumpkin spice latte?” He looked at Eileen before snatching the bottle of cinnamon from Dean.

“It's a famous drink you can get at Starbucks.” Sam answered.

Cas tilted his head to the side and squinted at him. “What's a Starbucks?”

“You know, the coffee shop Alex and Patience drag Jody to all the time.” Dean said.

“I’m pretty sure Donna drags her there too.” Sam added. “Something about girl’s date night out.”

“The one Claire says is for ‘basic bitches’?” He lifted his hands, forming air quotes as he spoke.

“Yeah.” Dean answered, quietly laughing. “That's the one. She’s probably right, too.”

Cas carefully put the different spices in his coffee, eyeing the mug warily. His light brown coffee now had specs of...stuff in it.

(And unbeknownst to him, there was also a small pile of sugar at the bottom, the coffee so saturated it wouldn't dissolve any more.)

Eileen laughed at the look on his face. “It's good, I promise.”

Sam turned to look at her. “How would you know? Most of the time you get hot chocolate and spike it with bourbon.”

“You’re the one who gets a Pink Drink.”

Dean choked on his coffee. “What?”

“It's strawberry and coconut milk, and it's delicious.”

“Sure it is Sam.” Eileen jabbed.

“So what I'm getting here is that not only have you two been to Starbucks often enough to have a regular order, but Sam gets something called a ‘Pink Drink’?”

“No…” Sam started, trying to find a way to defend them. “Sometimes we…”

“...Make our own drinks.” Eileen snapped her fingers as she finished for him, attempting to save them from the endless stream of good-natured insults Dean would throw at them otherwise.

“Well you two are a real Martha Stewart, aren't you?”

“Yeah, except she's a convicted criminal.” Sam attempted to snark back.

“So are you!”

Before either of them could respond, Cas shoved his mug into Dean's face. “You have to try this, Dean. It tastes like pumpkin pie.”

Dean carefully grabbed the hot mug from Cas and took a sip. He was right, it did taste kinda like pumpkin pie. He took another sip, letting the pleasant flavor sit on his tongue. The different spices mixed perfectly together.

“I mean it's… okay.” He lied.

Dean contemplated his pumpkin themed food options. “Though I would rather just have pumpkin pie.”

Cas took his mug back. “Fine. More for me.” He said with a smirk, mimicking the look Dean gives him every time Cas says he doesn't want anymore bacon, before taking another sip of the makeshift pumpkin spice coffee.

Dean smiled at him, setting his own mug down and moving Cas’s out of the way to pull him into a kiss. He could smell the nutmeg almost as much as he could taste the cinnamon on his lips.

“Mmm we should bake pumpkin pie tonight.” He said, pulling away just enough so he could talk.

“I would like that.” Cas answered. “All four of us could make pie. According to the 'mom blogs', as you call them, it would be a good family bonding exercise.”

“That’s right. And if they want any pie, they gotta help make it. That means more for us if they refuse.” He grinned.

“A win-win situation, really.” Cas smiled before tugging Dean close so their lips met again.

“I love you.” Dean muttered.

“I love you too.” Cas said softly.

Behind their backs Sam and Eileen were fake-gagging at their sickly sweet interaction, but secretly just glad the two of them had finally gotten over their stubborn (and oblivious) selves.

Sam was honestly overjoyed to see his brother finally happy. He would even go as far as saying finally willing to be himself, too. (Not that he would ever say this outloud. Sam can practically see Dean’s eyes roll farther back into his head than should be possible at the words.) All four of them had gone through more shit in the last few months than any normal person would in their entire life. They were all just lucky to be alive, and with that, learning how to savour the little moments of overly sweet normalcy.

(And the pumpkin spice-life Dean had secretly been longing for since they were little kids.)

So of course they were going to help bake pie.

---

“I want to try Starbucks.” Cas said the next morning, both of them still in bed.

Dean groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Can I ask why, or is this one of those, 'I'll tell you later’ disasters like with the slime ingredients?”

“I want to try all the human things that I didn't get to try last time.” He said offhandedly.

Dean pictured Cas’s hurt face when he had told him he couldn’t stay, smile broken as Dean’s own heart shattered from the look the newly-human angel was giving him.

He wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, that Cas himself wasn’t the reason, but the lion in his stomach clawed the words down faster than even the thought of ruining Sam’s chances at survival could.

With a pang of guilt from the memory, Dean pulled himself closer to Cas and rested his head on the other man’s chest. He wrapped his arms around him, trying to preserve as much warmth and comfort as he could until they had to inevitably get out of bed. “Only if you let me sleep like this for thirty more minutes.”

Cas smiled. “Oh, are we making deals now?”

“I’d sell my soul for you.” Dean said cheekily, which earned a glare from Cas. “Believe me, I know.”

After a beat he went on. “Fine, you have a deal.” Before Dean could celebrate by tugging the covers over their bodies, Cas added another clause to their agreement. “But... in true Crowley fashion, you have to seal the deal with a kiss.”

Dean lazily threw his arms into the air. “Victory.”

He turned over, pulling himself upwards until he was just inches from Cas. Cradling the angel-turned-Winchester’s head in his hands, Dean placed his lips on Cas’s, melting into the touch as he felt the other man’s arms wrap around his torso.

When he broke away from the kiss, Dean found himself face to face with the most beautiful smile he had ever laid eyes on, one born from adoration and love. Cas’s eyebrows were slightly scrunched up, but for once it wasn’t a sign of confusion when met with some obscure eighties rock reference. It was a tiny expression of care, and it was one that was truly Cas. Not Jimmy’s, not even one Cas had picked up from him or Sam. It was completely and wholly Cas, and a completely and wholly human thing to do.

He realized Cas had been doing that long before the Empty stole his grace.

Dean smiled back at him, relaxed. Like taking in a deep breath after being under murky water for forty years. He brushed a loose strand of soft, brown hair into its place, before falling back into his spot and closing his eyes. “Crowley would be proud.” He whispered with a soft laugh, smile deepening as Cas joined him.

When their quiet laughter died out, there was a pause, air stagnant and in its own sleepy haze

“Oh and Dean?”

“Hm?” Dean turned his head to look at him, eyes not failing to glow with their unusually bright, green pigment. He took a deep breath, the lids of his eyes already started to slowly fall back down again.

“The slime wasn't a disaster. You enjoyed it.”

“I did.” He muttered sleepily, a loose smile forming on his lips as he drifted off to sleep. Cas laid there, running his fingers through the other man’s hair, contentment and admiration showing itself in every feature on his face.

This was more than he could have ever wanted.

---

“Dean. Dean wake up.” Cas was excitedly whisper-shouting in his ear like a kid on Christmas morning. It was exactly thirty minutes later, (he had counted), and Cas was ready to get moving.

“No.” He answered back, mimicking Cas’s tone.

“But you’re like a cat.” He teased. “You're on me and I can't get up.”

Dean sighed. “I can't believe I let you talk me into this.”

“It didn't take much convincing.”

Dean rolled over to give Cas a playful glare, but was met with the saddest puppy dog eyes he had ever seen, completely throwing him off his guard.

“I'm going to kill Sam for teaching you that.”

Cas just continued to give him that look.

“Fine.” Dean relented, sitting up with a yawn and thinking about how he will now never be able to win another argument.

“Get dressed.” Cas said excitedly. “We're going to Starbucks.”

“Hooray.” He gave a sarcastic laugh, but a smile creeped on his lips.

They walked out of their room together, heading towards the bunker’s library. Dean slid in one of the chairs, turning Sam’s still-open laptop around and waking it up.

Cas, meanwhile, turned to a random page of the lore book resting on the table and started reading in an attempt to pass the time.

The sound of Dean typing filled the air. “So, I just looked it up, and do we have to go to Starbucks?”

“Yes.” Cas said simply, not looking up from the book.

Dean groaned. “Cas there isn't one in the county, let alone Lebanon. That's probably why Sam and Eileen make their own.”

“Where's the closest one?” Cas asked, his blinding, blue eyes glaring at the back of Sam’s computer like he was trying to will the coffee shop to be near.

“I thought it was across state lines and in Nebraska at first, but it looks like there's a small one in a town called Washington. It's about 80 miles from here.”

“Let's go!” Cas excitedly straightened his trenchcoat and headed towards the door.

“Or, we could leave Starbucks to the fourteen year old girls.”

Cas turned back around and rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure their entire demographic is fourteen year old girls, staff included.”

Alright, smartass. Dean thought, struggling to hide a smile.

Cas walked out the door, expecting Dean to follow.

“It takes an hour to get there, our coffee’s going to be cold by the time we get home, and it's freezing outside.” Dean muttered under his breath, but he grabbed his keys off the table and stood up, willing to follow Cas to the ends of the earth if it meant he would stay with him.

Not that he was going to enjoy this trip. In fact, he was currently doing the opposite of enjoying, and they hadn’t even gotten into the car yet. Starbucks. Starbucks. Really, Cas? Of all the places he wanted to go, it had to be Starbucks. He couldn’t want to explore humanity through Target or something?

Even Claire wouldn’t be caught dead in that place, with all the frou-frou toppings, elaborate drink mixes, and colourful, drizzled syrup. The people who go to Starbucks are the kind of people who like coffee that doesn’t taste like coffee. Teenage girls who might as well just be drinking whip cream, and that was without considering the seasonal drinks they fawn over.

Seasonal drinks that shouldn’t legally be allowed to be referred to as coffee.

Dean couldn’t believe he ever agreed to this, but still, he begrudgingly followed.

---

Using the GPS on Cas’s phone, (Dean said his insane directional skills helped out too), they found the Starbucks relatively easily once they were in the little town.

They parked the Impala, and Dean looked at the modern building. The green lettering contrasted with the tan plaster walls, spelling “Starbucks.”

He heard Cas get out, his feet making a crunching noise as they hit the gravel, and watched from across the top of the car as he started towards the coffee shop. Dean looked at the building warily, reluctance painted on his face.

Cas was telling him some random fact about a bird he saw, but Dean could only think about his reputation that was about to shatter like a vase dropping on tile floor.

Reputation with who? He didn't know.

Well, he had a vague idea, but chose not to let his thoughts wander that far.

It was okay. This was fine. He could swallow his pride and-

“Ooh. The peppermint mocha looks good.” Cas was reading the limited edition drinks on the drive-thru menu as they traveled across the parking lot.

Dean was going to barf.

They walked into the building, immediately hit with the overwhelming smell of excessive amounts of flavoured syrup indoused coffee. Dean glanced around the well-lit building, taking note of the many different people there.

(He wasn’t about to have any black-eyed minions reporting his Starbucks order to a very judgmental Queen of Hell.)

Cas pushed Dean’s protesting body into the line, looking pleased with the many different options written on the menu overhead.

He enjoyed the small touch of Cas’s hands on his back, moving him forwards to the line, but was grateful Cas was careful not to let them linger there too long.

He was still wary about doing… this, in public.

He knew Cas was patiently waiting for him to be ready, so he didn't know how to tell him that he might never be.

The teenager working the cash register interrupted his train of thought. “What will it be for ya?”

“I would like a peppermint mocha please.”

“Alrighty. And you?”

“I'll take just a black coffee.”

The barista looked unimpressed. “And your names?”

Dean grinned. “John and John.”

“No relation.” Cas added.

The barista just sighed. “How do you want me to differentiate the two of ‘em then?”

“Oh you can put ‘John Bonham’ on mine.” Dean replied.

“Comin’ right up.” Their tone didn't change, still just full of apathy that could only be perfected by the work of a burnt-out teenager.

Dean and Cas walked down to the end of the counter and towards the pickup section. “Now tell me, Castiel.” He stressed his partner’s name. “Who’s John Bonham?”

Cas sighed, but the corner of his mouth upturned in a grin. “John Henry Bohnham, affectionately referred to as ‘Bonzo’, born in 1948 and was most well known for being the drummer of the rock band ‘Led Zeppelin’.”

“Mmm very close, but unfortunately you forgot the word ‘best’ in front of ‘rock band.’” Dean smirked before leaning in for a chaste kiss.

“You should have said I was ‘John Bon Jovi.’” Cas said, smiling.

“Why? Because you’re only good at this sometimes?” Dean closed the gap between them.

As soon as their lips met, Dean pulled away instinctively, realization hitting him like a hunter with a bat as his eyes widened in terror. “I-I'm sorry, I didn’t...” His words faltered as he looked around at the people sitting in the coffee shop, all of which were paying no mind to them.

He felt sick, guilt gnawing at him from a pit in his stomach.

“Hey, it's okay Dean. You know I'm perfectly fine with public displays of affection, and no one else even saw us. There's no need to apologize.”

“Yeah-h.” He said shakily. Before he could figure out who he was apologizing to, a voice from behind the counter called.

“I have an order for a mister ‘John’ and ‘John Bonham’.”

“That's us.” Dean spat the words out quickly, turning around to take them from the barista’s hand. He rushed out of the door, the small tinkling sound of the welcome bell and the blood rushing to his ears drowning out the sound of Cas’s call from behind.

He sat in the front seat of Baby, knowing he was being childish. Dean took a shaky breath and tried not to think about it.

About what the hell he was thinking, kissing Cas out in public like that. The judgemental eyes- black or not- that were watching. He thought about what his father would say, mind instantly going back to a moment in his childhood he has tried to forget since it happened, wondering where he went wrong.

About the time John had caught him and Lee, ignoring the weak excuses Dean was stuttering out. Skipping town faster than they had done in years.

About how the left side of his face had been a yellow-ish purple for weeks following, and the sore spot on his arm from where he caught the pavement as he flew towards it.

About how he had told Sam he just fell on a hunt. “Don't worry kid, you should have seen the vamp when I was done with him.” He swung his fist around in slow motion, pretending to punch an invisible enemy as his little brother giggled in childish bliss.

About how John never looked at him the same. The disgust in his eyes, harsh words on his lips.

About how he vowed to never disappoint his father like that again, and their joint hatred for that part of him. Sometimes it felt like the only thing they could agree on.

About how somewhere, somehow, he had decided Cas was different. That he somehow didn’t count, and that losing him hurt so much, was such an egregious pain, he wanted as much of Cas as he was allowed to have. And how that was something insurmountable stronger than the twisted, sick feeling John had placed in his gut.

He remembered something Cas had told him once: “Hatred isn’t a natural trait, Dean, it’s a learned one. A baby isn’t born with the ability to hate, it’s passed on from one broken soul to another. Love, love however. That’s something different altogether.”

Cas’s hand on his shoulder pulled Dean out of his thoughts. “Hey.” He said softly.

“Hey Cas.”

“I love you.” He got in the passenger's seat, taking his coffee from Dean’s still frozen hand.

“I love you too.” He whispered absentmindedly, staring straight ahead and seeing nothing but thoughts from the past. His mind fighting an internal battle, logic telling him that what he had with Cas wasn’t wrong, and even though everything from fate to God had tried to wedge itself between them, it was still the most right thing he had. And he knew that, but his dad’s drunken, booming voice echoed throughout his head, telling him that he was dirty. Telling him the Winchester men had no place for someone like him.

“You better stop that now, boy. Bad things happen to you when you’re weak.”

At the time he had taken that as a warning, rather than a threat. But now Dean wasn’t so sure.

It’s not even that his Dad was particularly religious. He wasn’t told that it was a sin, or that he was going to Hell. Though it’s not like that particular statement would have been wrong. He thought with a bitter laugh.

While the thoughts in his head were screaming mercilessly, the drive home was in a simple silence. The only noise being Cas’s occasional sip, and the sound of soft fabric rubbing against skin as Cas moved his hand in small, comforting motions against Dean's back.

When they got to the bunker, Cas, who was genuinely impressed that Dean managed to drive them home without crashing into a tree, pulled Dean out of the car and gently shook him out of his self-imposed stupor.

“Your coffee's cold.” Cas said with a laugh.

Dean blinked a couple times, clearing the fog from his mind, before laughing along with him. “And who’s fault is that? You were the one who insisted on traveling across the state to get it.”

“Do you want some of mine?” Cas asked. “There's a little bit left, and I held it next to the heater. It should still be lukewarm.”

“No thanks, Cas. I can go make some in the kitchen.”

“But what if I want you to try it?” Dean glared at him. “Don't make me do Sam’s ‘puppy dog eyes’ again.”

“Okay, okay. You win.” He put his hands up, mimicking a surrender. “I'll try some of your stupid, Christmas cookie, candy-cane flavoured coffee thing or whatever.” They started walking towards the entrance to the bunker.

“Peppermint mocha?”

“That's the one.”

Cas laughed at him.

“Oh just, give it here.” Dean said. He took a long sip from the disposable cup. He could taste a vague hint of whipped cream mixed in with the coffee, its light fluffy texture sticking to the last swallow of smooth liquid in the bottom of the cup. The chocolate and espresso rested on his tongue, and the peppermint was strong and refreshing. He took another sip.

“Does that face mean you like it?”

Dean looked at him guiltily. “No.” He opened the bunker’s door and started walking down the metal stairs.

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don't.”

“You took a second sip.”

Dean reached the bottom of the stairs first, and walked over to the War Room table to set both coffee cups and his keys down.

“So? I was trying to make sure I properly understood the flavour. Since when is that a crime?”

“You wanted to properly understand a flavour you didn't like?” Cas walked up to Dean and pulled the nearest chair out to sit down.

“What are you two arguing about this time?” Eileen asked from the library.

Cas clenched both of his hands into fists, putting the right one on top of the other. He made small, circular, stirring motions with his right hand. “Coffee.” He signed swiftly, movements fluid.

“Ah. That makes sense.” She spoke the words.

“What makes sense?” Sam asked, walking in from one of the hallways, making sure Eileen could see his lips before speaking.

“They're arguing over coffee again.”

Sam glanced at both of them, before his eyes reached the two cups on the War Room table.

“Wait a second… Dean?” He looked at his brother, before turning to face his best friend. “Cas?”

“Yes, Sam?” Cas answered.

“Did you two go to Starbucks?”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Dean grumbled.

“Yes, we did!” Cas sounded way too excited to be referring to coffee. “I got a peppermint mocha, and Dean tried some and liked it.”

“I did not.”

“I don't care what coffee you like, Dean. What I do care about is that you went all the way to Starbucks, and didn't bother to ask if we wanted to come.”

“Not cool Dean.” Eileen walked in, shaking her head and hiding a smile.

“I might have thought about buying you two drinks, but there was no way I was ordering yours with a straight face.” He looked at Sam. “And it's an hour away, they wouldn't have been hot or cold or whatever they're supposed to be by the time we got here.”

“Well then we'll just have to go back, all four of us.” Eileen put simply.

“It's an hour away.”

“We know.” Sam added.

“Let me say that again, in case you weren’t listening. It's an hour away. For coffee. That isn't even that good.”

“I beg to differ, Dean.” Cas said.

“Yeah I'm definitely with Cas on this one.” Eileen agreed while Sam nodded along.

“No. There's no way I'm getting back in Baby to drive all the way to Starbucks again.”

“Fine. We’ll go get our own.”

“With what car?” Dean said, very sure of himself.

Sam snatched Baby’s keys off the war room table, which in hindsight was probably something Dean should have expected.

“Let's hope Sam doesn't have too many shots of espresso.” Eileen said, faking concern. “I would hate for your baby to pay the price.”

“Fine. I'll drive you.” Dean grumbled while Eileen double fist-pumped her win.

Cas looked very pleased with the thought of getting to try more coffee.

---

They left shortly after, the drive over painful for everyone except Dean, who listened to the same four songs on repeat the entire hour.

(It’s their own fault, really.)

---

“Can we please listen to something other than Bob Seger on the trip home?” Sam complained as he slammed shut the door to Baby’s backseat.

“You’re just mad you didn’t get shotgun.” Dean said, closing his own door. “Besides, driver picks the music, everyone else shuts their cakehole.” Sam mouthed the words along with Dean, having heard the speech a million times before.

Eileen and Cas got out, neither one of them had any desire to input on their squabble, and were instead engaged in their own, quieter discussion.

Both brothers continued to argue until they walked into the Starbucks.

“Ah. There's the scent of overpriced coffee I missed.” Eileen joked as she took her first breath inside the building, using her hand to waft the smell towards her.

“What are you getting?” Cas asked Sam.

“I want my usual, and Eileen, what are you having?”

“Hot chocolate with espresso shots please. This place doesn't sell liquor.” She shook her head sadly and Sam laughed. “Good thing I brought my own.” She winked at them, opening her jacket just enough so they could see the inside pocket and showing off her flask.

“Oh, now that would be a Starbucks I would go to.” Dean said.

“You two wait in line.” Sam pointed to Cas and Dean. “We’ll save a table.”

Dean looked like he wanted to protest, but they walked away before he had the chance. Cas leaned over towards him. “Don't worry. I'll order Sam’s.” He very conspicuously winked.

Dean smiled at his attempts of regular human interaction, before over-the-top winking himself.

“Can you order for us? I need to talk to Sam about something.”

“Sure thing…” Cas had to think before finishing his sentence. “...buckaroo.”

Dean outwardly cringed. “Keep trying, you'll get there eventually.” He patted Cas on the back, which was slightly moving in a chuckle.

It was good to see Cas filled with so much simple joy. Face creased from laughter rather than stress, he seemed so much lighter. Happier. It was only a small sliver of what he deserved, but it was something. Maybe he could live with driving an hour to get what he assumed was half-decent coffee.

“What would you like?” Cas asked him, eyes still filled with a sparkle that only comes from gaining something you thought you lost.

“Uh.” He thought about it for a moment, almost considering branching out into the unexplored terrain that was the dark green menu with small, white text, before shuddering at the thought.

“I think I'll take that expensive black coffee I didn't get earlier.”

Dean was not going to turn into one of those people, if he had any say about it.

Cas walked into the line, leaving Dean to scan the room, furiously waving Sam over when his eyes found their booth.

“Sam.” He sounded like he was trying to whisper, but his volume raised far higher than that. The patron closest to Dean gave him a look before turning back to their work.

“Sam, come here, it's urgent.” His brother turned to look at him, rolling his eyes before getting out of the booth.

“What do you want?” He said once he reached Dean.

“Sam. Help. What do I do?”

“About what?”

“About what kind of coffee Cas is having.”

“Oh god, Dean let it go. He's not going to only ever drink black coffee. Contrary to popular belief, former angels do actually have souls.”

Dean ignored the implications that he didn't have a soul, too distracted by Cas. “But look.” He motioned his head towards where Cas was standing, next in line to order. “He’s eyeing the weird fruity drinks.”

“Dean. It's Cas. The man’s favorite food is PB&J. What did you expect him to have, taste?”

“Alright that's rich coming from mister Pinkity Drinkity or whatever the fuck.”

“You walked into a Starbucks and ordered black coffee, I don't think I'm the wrong one here.”

“Wait, wait. Shut up. Quiet.” He hit Sam on the shoulder in a childish attempt at getting him to stop talking so he could listen.

“Ow. That hurt.” Sam muttered, before turning to watch Cas, which Dean was already doing.

“I would like to try a…” Cas methodically scanned the menu again. “A ‘Passion Tango Iced Tea,’ please.” The barista took no mind to the excessive air quotes.

“It's not even coffee.” Dean said to Sam, clearly distraught. He turned to look back at Cas.

“And your name sir?”

“Lizzo.”

Dean threw his arms up into the air. “I can't believe this is the man I love.” His voice cracked like he was holding in tears of anguish from listening to Cas order.

Sam just rolled his eyes at the theatrics. Right, and he’s the dramatic one.

“Aw. You're in love.” Sam held his hands up, forming a heart and mocking his brother.

“Oh shut up. What are you, seven?”

“Is Cas your gay thing?”

“You shut your mo-”

“What are we gossiping about?” Eileen whispered, cutting Dean off and causing them both to jump.

“We're not gossiping.” Sam said indignantly.

“Sam started it.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

“This is where I call you two ‘asshats’, right?”

“It's ‘assbutt.’” Cas said, walking up to them and catching the tail end of their conversation. “And that's my line.”

Cas handed them each their drinks, before excitedly trying his own. He put the plastic cup up to his mouth, almost missing the straw. When he swallowed the cranberry-colored liquid, his face relaxed in pleasure.

“I know this one isn't coffee, but it's really good.”

“We didn't get coffee either.” Eileen said. “So don't worry, Dean's the odd man out here.”

Dean glared at her before trying his own coffee, and well, it was coffee. The point of buying expensive caffeine still went straight over his head.

The four of them went over to their thankfully-still-available booth and sat down. Dean and Cas sat on one side, both instinctively choosing the side that faced the door, with Sam and Eileen sliding into the seats directly across from them. They sat there, talking about nothing in particular, and certainly nothing of importance, before falling into the natural art of storytelling.

Aside from killing monsters, that’s what hunters did best. Sitting around and sharing stories. As tiring and dangerous as their lives were, some hunts were worth sharing exaggerated and hyperbolic versions of, especially over drinks.

Sam’s favourite story to tell changed every time, and one would almost be inclined to believe that most of it wasn't real, but the wildest parts also caused the most merriment. (Dean pretended he hadn’t witnessed the whole thing, sparing Sam by not telling the other two how it actually went down.)

Eileen shared of her time in Ireland. “Foreign country, foreign monsters.” She said with a wink, telling of creatures neither Sam nor Dean had even read about.

Dean’s favourite story to tell, aside from the fact that he killed Hitler, was the time he got to solve a mystery with everyone’s favorite talking dog. And yeah, all three of the people that sat at the table had heard both many times before, but that didn't matter, it was still enrapturing to hear them again.

Cas had millenniums to choose from, but always found the most interesting hunts to be the ones with the Winchesters. He also had many hilarious stories about his adventures with Crowley, but he was less fond of those.

“I remember once, Dean went on a hunt with Dad.” Sam started. “Nasty vampire, it got a hit or two on Dean. I think you guys went with another hunter. Young. About your age, actually. Uh…”

He snapped his fingers, trying to recall the name. “Lee. That's it.” Dean looked up from the coffee right as Sam said it. “Do you remember him?”

Something flashed in Dean’s eyes, but his brother didn't seem to notice.

Cas, who was used to admiring every minute detail of Dean's expression and posture, didn't miss the ever so slight, yet sharp, inhale. Or the way he swallowed before speaking, trying to clear the small lump from his throat.

Dean noticed too, internally rolling his eyes at his own reaction.

“Yeah it's been a while, but I remember him.” Dean was blatantly ignoring Cas’s burning stare from beside him, and the fact that he had stabbed Lee through the chest just last year.

Cas made sure no one was watching before gently placing a hand on Dean’s thigh. Knowing it would comfort him from both intuition and experience. Dean stiffened under the touch, but after realizing no one could see where Cas’s hand was, he visibly relaxed.

“What happened to him?” Eileen asked innocently.

“Oh uh, a hunt I think. Most of us go that way, I assume he was no different.” Technically Dean dealt the final blow, but it was the entrancing call of the monster, greed, and the life Lee and Dean had both secretly wanted, that caused his former-friend’s downfall in the end.

“Yeah.” Sam said solemnly, suddenly lost in his own thoughts, most of which were riddled with grief.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the weight of their many losses wash over them like a tidal wave.

One made of espresso and milk rather than the rough waters of the sea.

---

The ride back was more manageable, Dean allowing them one song choice each, complete with a warning to pick wisely.

(They all very cheekily chose the songs they knew would bother Dean the most.)

---

Full on coffee, cookies Dean bought for them at Starbucks, and brimming with contentment, (as well as the fact that they spent half the day in the car), Cas suggested to Dean that they “hit the hay” as they stepped back into the bunker.

They laid there in silence, breathing in scents of comfort, coffee, and each other, until Cas eventually drifted off to sleep.

Dean, however, continued to lay there. Thinking.

He remembered the first solo case John sent him on.

Something curled inside his gut.

They had been two nuns, their fate a product of hate crime. Put to death for simply being themselves.

Dean didn't blame them for coming back as ghosts.

He remembered the words - ones he would soon learn were slurs - that John would spit out like acid.

Or offhandedly toss like they didn't bear enough weight to shatter the window of a person's self-image.

It had taken him almost forty years to realize that very same window inside of him was in sharp, jagged pieces. Cutting anyone and everyone who came near.

It had taken Cas dying to start picking them up again.

He turned to look at the man next to him, relaxed and blissfully sleeping. His chest moved up and down rhythmically, and Dean slowed his breath to match until he fell into a surprisingly peaceful slumber.

---

When Dean woke up, the other side of his bed was cold.

He didn't panic, knowing full well that Cas probably ran to the bathroom, or was pouring another mountain of sugar in his coffee.

Losing Cas again to the Empty had ripped him apart, but months of spending every night with his partner left him with less nightmares and waking in cold sweats then he had since before Hell.

Dean also learned that his own presence was enough to fight off the demons of solid, black goo that plagued Cas’s head at night.

He was finally starting to understand why life seemed to lose all meaning when Cas was gone, and from there he could slowly start to rebuild both of them.

Dean heard soft padding noises as socked feet walked down the hall, and there was a knock on the bedroom door. "S'your room too, Cas. You don't have to knock." He laughed, words slightly slurred from just waking up

Cas walked in, wielding two mugs of coffee and a proud look shining in his eyes. “I made us coffee.” He said triumphantly, handing one of the mugs to Dean.

“I put chocolate and peppermint in your coffee.”

Dean fake-gasped. “You monster. Ruining the integrity of my drink like that.”

“I'm a human, you ass.” Cas responded, a smile tugging at his lips. “Besides, I know you liked mine yesterday.”

“I did not.” He said, discontentedly crossing his arms. “I only drink coffee that's as black as my soul. Darker than the night sky. Hotter than the bunker’s computer when it overheats. As manly as-”

“Oh, just drink your damn coffee.”

“Fine.” He groused. “But I'm not enjoying it.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him, before setting his mug on the bedside table and sitting down behind Dean. The bed creaked underneath him as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. “Is this why you and Sam never use umbrellas?” He joked.

Dean laughed.

Cas rested his head on the crook of Dean’s neck and whispered. “You know you don't have to pretend.”

“Pretend what?” Dean asked softly.

“You know.”

“That I don’t like flavoured coffee?” He said with a snort.

“Sort of.” Cas hugged him tighter. “No one’s going to think any less of you Dean. You’re allowed to like the things you like.”

“I know.” He resigned.

“John isn't here anymore.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know.” The words barely came out as a whisper, hot tears betraying Dean’s eyes as they silently leaked out and ran down his cheeks.

He tried to wipe the tears away, hearing his Dad’s voice in his head and knowing he was being stupid.

Dean couldn't help but think of himself as a small, living-room window, from an old, dilapidated house. Stained yellow with age. Cracking from wear.

He let the drumming of his Dad’s words in his head be drowned out by Cas’s voice.

He couldn't unwrap the fuzz from around him, so he didn't know what Cas was saying, ears seemingly filled with cotton. It was just the knowledge alone that he was there. That he was holding him and whispering comforting words into his ear. That even as a human he could heal Dean at his lowest points, and still see him as the brightest, strongest, soul.

You don't really know what a picture is going to be until it's done.

Maybe that window is a beautiful stained-glass portrait.

“Uh.” Dean cleared his throat. “What-what do you have?” He indicated Cas’s coffee by angling his head towards where it sat on the nightstand.

“I made iced coffee.”

Dean just looked at him, astounded, eyes widening. “You mean it’s not hot?”

“Yes, that's where the ‘iced’ in ‘iced coffee’ comes from.” He said very seriously.

They both sat in silence for the next hour, peacefully drinking their coffee and enjoying the presence of one another.

---

When they got out of bed and ventured into the rest of the bunker, they found Sam and Eileen in the library.

They were sitting in adjacent chairs, with Eileen laying her head on Sam’s shoulder and reaching for her water bottle on the table. They were reading a book together, but Eileen shook Sam indicating she had seen them walk in.

“Goodmorning.” She greeted cheerfully.

“Mornin’.” Dean pulled up a chair across from them, and watched as Cas did the same.

“What are you two reading?” Cas asked.

“The Men of Letters’s Bestiary.” Sam said.

Dean snorted. “Ah. Doing a little light reading are we?”

“We're thinking about filling in some of the pages.” Eileen added.

“Yeah, for all of the stuff they have here, it's surprisingly empty.” Sam continued flipping through some of the pages, most of which were blank.

“Heh. I should put you in that thing, Cas.”

Cas let out a laugh. “Right. Because I’m a good example of an angel.” The sarcasm was masking something else in his voice.

“If it makes you feel any better, you’ve always been my favourite angel.” Dean only realised how sappy he sounded after it came out of his mouth.

“Yeah, I’ve heard the rest of them are dicks.” Eileen added.

Cas smiled at that, seemingly back to normal.

“Right, well you three can do that, I'm off to the Dean Cave.”

“Or…” Sam started.

“We could go back to Starbucks.” Cas finished, nodding his head enthusiastically.

“Yeah... that's not where I was going with that, but I like where your head’s at, Cas. We should definitely go back.”

“Eileen?” He asked.

“Hell yeah.”

“Dean?”

Dean pressed his mouth into a thin line and glared at him. “Yes, sure, fine. But we're not making this a daily thing.”

“That's fair.” Cas agreed. “It's probably not very healthy.”

He went to grab his wallet and keys before Sam could start his speech on the nutritional value of green things, and Eileen snatched her water bottle off the library table as they all got up to leave.

---

Dean gave up on letting them choose the music after snickering and requesting “Friday” by Rebecca Black for the third time in a row.

(It wasn't even Friday?)

---

Dean stepped out and closed Baby’s door in the parking lot of Starbucks an hour later, kicking the loose pieces of gravel on the asphalt for the third time in two days.

“We might as well just live here.” He said, tone dripping with sarcasm.

“I wouldn't make that offer if I were you, Cas looks like he’d be totally on board.” Sam laughed.

Cas went and stood beside Dean as they started walking towards the building, smiling.

“What?” Dean asked, question genuine and free of all malice.

“Nothing.” Cas answered, smile not faltering.

His eyes revealed nothing but pure devotion for the man he was staring at. A silent promise, one without pressure, that he would be standing there, and Dean could take the leap anytime he wanted.

Dean was slowly inching towards the end of the diving board.

---

“I think I'll just drink my water.”

“Oh that's exciting.” Sam joked. “If I got you a lemon to go with it, would you be able to handle that?”

“Don't talk to me about my drink, when yours is a vivid green puke colour.”

“Hey, at least it actually has a colour. And a flavour at that.”

Dean couldn’t believe those words were coming from the same man who drinks exactly a hundred and one ounces of water a day. (Which, according to Sam, is the recommended amount for males, as stated by the Institute of Medicine.)

(Dean didn’t care.)

“Fine then.” She turned to look at Dean. “Get me the strongest thing on the menu.”

Dean laughed before turning to Cas. “Let's just go get in line before we suffer at the hands of the Leahy like Sam.”

Sam and Eileen went to look for a place where they could all sit again, playfully bickering the entire way.

While he was standing in line with Cas, Dean looked over at his brother, and found him and Eileen sitting at a small table in the corner.

Cas was still helping him learn ASL, so he caught parts of their conversation.

“If Jack is in every drop of rain, do you think he's in your water?” Sam signed, trying to contain his laughter.

Eileen pushed her water away with a look of disgust. “You’re lucky I love you.” She answered back.

“I know I am.”

He watched her silently laugh before turning back to look at Cas.

They really did have it good, didn't they?

“What are you ordering, Dean?”

Dean stood there silently, contemplating. He internally weighed his pros and cons, mind leaving the menu entirely. While there was still a lot of shit he had to work through, (shit he had been actively not working out his entire life), there wasn’t much of a decision to be made.

He would always choose Cas.

“You know what?” He reached out and grasped Cas’s hand firmly. “I was thinking about being less boring. What ingredients do you suggest I try?”

Cas smiled warmly, reaching the crinkled corners of his eyes. “They have a cinnamon flavoured one. That’ll be almost like apple pie.”

“Will it really?” Dean’s tone was dismissive, but there was a smile on his face.

“Yes, Sam told me.“

“Not that I trust Sam’s judgment, but okay, I think I’ll take one of those.”

“I'm going to have a real pumpkin spice latte this time.” Cas seemed very pleased with the aspect of buying something they could make it home, but Dean wasn't going to fault him for it.

The patron in front of them finished ordering, clearing the way for Cas and Dean. The barista from the first time they went caught sight of them and made a face. “Wait a minute. I think I know you two.”

“Yes, we came here yesterday.” Cas helped. “Well, we actually visited twice, but you weren't working the second time.”

“Right... John and John, how could I forget?”

“This time we're ordering for four though.”

“I would like a…” Dean squinted at the menu, looking for the cinnamon flavoured coffee. “‘Cinnamon Dolce Latte.’ And my devilishly handsome friend here will take the pumpkin spice version.”

“And what are the other two drinks and names?”

Dean whispered something in Cas’s ear. “I'll drink the coffee, but I won't budge on this one.”

“That's okay Dean, you’ll get there eventually.” He whispered back.

The barista looked unimpressed with them. Again.

Dean cleared his throat. “Ahem, sorry. The tall one with the stupidly long hair,” he pointed towards Sam, “is getting…” he trailed off before looking to Cas for help.

“I don't know, man. It was something sickly looking. Cold? Green? Possibly tea?”

“And Iced Green Tea Latte?” The barista suggested.

“That's the one. His name is Jimmy.”

“And the lovely lady sitting next to him would like the strongest drink you have. Her name is Robert.”

“Her name is Robert…?” He slowly pointed towards Eileen, sounding unsure of himself.

Or them.

“Yup.” Cas said.

Eileen gave a little wave from across the room.

He gritted his teeth in a very clearly fake smile. “Coming right up.”

They paid for their coffee and picked it up, taking the travel cups across the room and towards Sam and Eileen.

Cas took a sip from his pumpkin spice latte, gleefully smiling. “As much as I like trying different drinks, I think I might start just getting this one. It's my favourite.”

Sam leaned over to Dean, neither one taking their eyes off of Cas. “Should we tell him the drink is seasonal?” He glanced at Sam, before staring back at his partner, whose face was beaming like a literal ray of sunshine.

Dean’s face softened. “Nah. Let’s not ruin his moment.” He took a sip of his cinnamon coffee and damn, it was delicious.

Nothing at all like apple pie, but still delicious.

Cas walked over to him, making eye contact in a silent question. Dean nodded with a small smile, and Cas took his hand.

“I love you.” Cas whispered.

“I love you too.” He whispered back.

They didn’t whisper to hide, and it wasn't because he was ashamed. It was because that exchange was just for them.

Dean leaned in and softly kissed Cas.

Now that was to tell everyone in the shop that his devilishly handsome friend was spoken for.

Slowly, the sun would come out and shine through the stained-glass window, shadow portraying the picture of an angel.

And alright, fine, Dean could admit that he enjoyed the peppermint mocha.

He thought about it for a moment, before giving a light chuckle, realising something.

“What?” Cas asked, turning to look at him with a soft smile resting on his face.

“Nothing.” Dean whispered, squeezing Cas’s hand in his. He took a sip from his coffee, relishing in the warm and cozy flavour enrapturing his tongue.

He was only thinking that maybe, just maybe,

Cas had changed him too.

---

Bonus Epilogue:

Dean held the glass door open for the other three, and they all walked out onto the asphalt, laughing, and making their way towards Baby.

The street lamp overhead flickered, and all four of them froze.

“Did anyone happen to get the salted caramel macchiato?” Dean whispered.

---

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[ltleflrt]

So, just like everyone else, I have Thoughts.

This is not the ending I wanted, but it was mostly the ending I expected.  Do I think the overarching themes were dropped and time was wasted?  Yes.  It’s not my story to tell though, and this is the ending they gave us, so I’m going to try and be positive about it.

It’s not terribly surprising to me that Dean dies on their first (as far as we know) hunt after they gain their freedom from Chuck’s story.  Hunting is very dangerous, and the Winchesters no longer have Plot Armor from Chuck who probably protected them from the “minor” things so that they could fall to his bigger ideas.  Dean should have died from heart failure in S1 because of an accidental injury received during a random hunt.  The last 15 years have been a gift of time for him, and I think he was aware of that at the end.

The only thing he was worried about was Sam.  Despite how many times they’ve been resurrected, there had to be a last time at some point, and they both knew it.  So he made sure they got to say a proper goodbye, something they both missed out on with so many people taken too early from their lives.  He made sure Sam knew that he was at peace with what was happening, and gave Sam the tools to make peace with it as well. 

I loved this scene.  I was sobbing uncontrollably, and will eventually need to muster up the courage to watch it again to catch all the nuance.  But I still loved it.  I would have preferred Dean to die peacefully at an old age, but he’d have to stop hunting, and I just can’t see him walking away from the life.  He’s too much of a Big Damn Hero.

Sam’s grief was cathartic to watch, because Me Too, Buddy.  Then we got to see him moving on, healing.  I think that hunt he got the call for on Dean’s Other Other Cell was probably his last one.  I think he loved hunting, but loved Dean more.  And just like Dean tried to do with the loss of Cas, Sam went on to live a good life in honor of Dean.  One last lesson learned from his big brother.

My eyes were so full of tears that I couldn’t see the family pictures very clearly, but that may have also been deliberate.  Dean Jr looked enough like Eileen that I’m going to hold it in my heart that she’s who Sam married and settled down with. 

Dean may have been the brother who dreamed of his childhood family life, but he also always loved hunting.  Sam was the brother who hunted because it was there, but always craved normalcy.  I’m so grateful that he finally got it.  And the Winchester Legacy lives on!  Is Dean Jr a Hunter?  A Man of Letters?  Some of both?  Doesn’t really matter.  He’s another Winchester left in the world, passing on everything Sam (and indirectly, Uncle Dean) gave him to newer generations. 

Remember that time Sam asked Dean if anyone would ever remember them?  What legacy were they leaving behind?  They carved their initials into the table to leave their mark, literally, but that was such a small thing.  Leaving behind a child who knows their stories is so much more epic, and fitting.

As for Castiel, I do need to be negative for this one thing, but I will jump right back on the positivity train once I get this out of my system.

I really wish that Misha had made it clearer that he wouldn’t be in ep20.  I was enjoying the episode, but as time went on and I realized opportunity after opportunity for him to show up was passing, over and over, until there were mere minutes left in the show, horror grew within me.  If I hadn’t been expecting to see or even just hear his voice one last time, I wouldn’t have been hurt at all. I don’t think I would have even have been disappointed that we didn’t get to see Dean’s reciprocation, because I know Dean loves Cas, and I had been resigned to very quiet romantic text all season long.  The ILU was unexpected, even though I’d seen spoilers that hinted very strongly it was going to be there.  I would have taken that as icing on the Destiel cake, so long as I knew what to expect of the end of the story.

Literally all they had to do to fix this for me?  On the very last shot, Dean and Sam are on the bridge looking out on Heaven.  Off screen there’s a wingflap sound effect that gets both their attention.  And their faces light up with joy.  The End.

C’mon Dabb&Co, do better.

Anyway, other than that, I do appreciate Castiel’s ability to find joy in his love for Dean.  The fact that it’s confirmed that at least recent seasons the romantic tropes were deliberate still brings me immeasurable joy.  Knowing that Jack rescued him from the Empty and they went on a mission to rebuild Heaven for Humanity and specifically Dean makes me tear up just thinking about it.

He had an absent Father, who at every turn disappointed him.  But he still believed in Heaven.  He still believed in the original mission of caring for Humanity.  And with Jack he gets to be the present father, and together they built something wonderful and awesome (in the traditional sense of the word, and Dean’s typical definition too lol).  I’m so happy for both Castiel and Jack that they get to be a family.

Anyway, those are most of my thoughts.  I will probably have more as I continue to process my feelings.  I still love this show, and welcome discussion about it as long as it doesn’t devolve into wank.  My heart hurts, and letting go of bitterness is the only way I’ll be able to heal. 

And reading all the Destiel Happy Ending codas.  Looking forward to reading all of those!  I’m actually working on one myself, for the first time ever.  I don’t usually read or write canonverse for SPN, but that was because canon was always changing so much as the show continued to air.  Now that canon is complete, I welcome all the fix-it fics and alternate endings and post season stuff XD

For the record, I still don’t see this as Bury Your Gays, since the characters still exist beyond death, and Castiel was rescued from the Empty.  Chuck’s books are closed, so we no longer have a window into their worlds, but we know without a shadow of a doubt that they have time for more stories to unfold in their futures.  All the time in the universe :)

[plasticnightmaredoll]

So, "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier" -- or more accurately "Captain America and the Winter Soldier" -- has its season 1 finale, and...hmmm...there are a lot of things to take in, dissect.

While I did enjoy this series, I felt that "WandaVision" flowed much more smoothly, and while it also took some time to really "get going," the sheer amount of questions proposed in the beginning episodes made up for it. There was so much to keep coming back for. TFatWS seems too short and probably should have been 9 episodes. A lot was crammed in 6 episodes, and it went over with decent success. But I think it could have been much better.

WandaVision final grade: A

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier final grade: B

Now, it's time to get into the spoiler-filled part of the review, so if you haven't seen episode 6 of TFatWS, or have yet to see the whole series, I highly recommend you DON'T read any further.

Karli and the Flag Smashers

The acting was great all around, so no qualms there. However, I do feel like Karli's character was too bland. I mean, I understood her struggle and could sympathize with her to some degree, but I thought she wasn't a compelling antagonist like Agatha Harkness from "WandaVision" or John Walker.

Sam's speech to politicians (and people in general) may seem kind of "woke," and perhaps it is. However, he made valid points. The Flag Smashers weren't evil. Their actions were "evil" but their intentions were good. They wanted a "world without borders," to unite all people. Labels can be dangerous, they can identify people as something they're not. People in power often forget there are those without power who are struggling and trying to survive.

It may seem like a plot hole or something similar that Karli didn't tell Sam who Sharon really was. I think it made sense, though, because who would believe it? Sharon could easily have found a way to prove her innocence.

Of course, Zemo still got to kill off some of the Flag Smashers. It isn't too surprising when you think about it. He is just too damn clever (and too damn rich).

John Walker/U.S. Agent

Speaking of John Walker, I was...surprised to see him stop being an ass and choose to save people instead of just smashing his shield into terrorist faces. I kind of wanted more build-up to this "redemption," so to speak. He was such a complex antagonist, I was hoping to see more of his dark side.

Maybe we don't have to worry, though, because John is now U.S. Agent, and he is working for/with Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine aka Madame Hydra (mostly like he has no idea who she truly is). I think he still has this delusion that he is the real Captain America or perhaps superior to Captain America.

Sam Wilson/Flacon/Captain America

Sam's Captain America suit looks incredible. It's still red, white and blue but a much different design. Including the wings brings forth an American eagle kind of aesthetic.

Sam demonstrated (per usual) why he is better suited (lol) as Captain America because he thinks before he acts. He's not out to kill, but he's out to protect and help people. He tries to de-escalate the situation with Karli despite her trying to fight him. He also makes sure to tell people not to see the Flag Smashers as simply terrorists. John Walker isn't this level-headed, which is why he failed as Captain America.

"A little birdie told me you know how to fly a helicopter." 🤭

It was lovely to see Isaiah Bradley get a tribute to him in a museum for all to see, so he wouldn't be left unremembered for all he did.

Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier

The moment we have been waiting for finally came: Bucky confessed to Nakajima what happened to his son. It had to be one of the most difficult things he's ever done, but it was the right decision in the end. Providing closure isn't always easy, but it's necessary. It let Nakajima finally know what happened to his son, something that plagued him daily. It also lets Bucky get some more weight off his shoulders by revealing the truth.

Sharon Carter

Sharon Carter, oh boy. Now, some say it could be inconsistent that she is the Power Broker when it was a man in the Marvel movies. I think if you look at it in different ways, it can make sense. For one, maybe the previous Power Broker is dead? Perhaps it is secretly more than one person? Maybe the man is a front and it's the woman who is in charge (a la "Tenet")? Perhaps the Power Broker recruited Sharon? Since there isn't a clear answer given, you can come up with various valid possibilities.

It does make me wonder how long Sharon has been working for the other side. It could have been during her exile that she decided to take some action? It will be interesting to see what happens with her character moving forward. I can't picture her just fading into the background since she's going to be in a position to play a crucial role in helping her group.

A lot of good stuff happened in this finale, but I feel like things were a bit rushed. The story didn't get interesting until episode 4, which left only 2 episodes to dive deeper. That's not a lot of time, especially with all the characters and subplots running around.

But I do hope we get a second season. I'd like to see more of Sam and Bucky's adventures, and hopefully see Bucky actually happy for once.

[butterflies-dragons]

oh j0nryas know about balticon report, they just think he was being coy (asdjkahs same delusion with s/ns/ns), that he was rambling bc he was trying not to give spoilers. at this point he could go on live and say "no dumbasses there is no j0nrya, there won't be, there never was" (same w pedoships) and they will all be like "omg it is definitely happening in twow, look at how he's trying to divert our attentions, we are onto you george hehehe"

OK let’s review, again, chronologically, all the times that GRRM was being coy and trying to divert his readers’ attention regarding the ships you mentioned:

The “It could be very different things to each of those involved” Alternative: “Mind you!”

JUNE 24, 1999 THE HOUND AND SANSA

Moreta12: I understand, I’ve heard your opinion on that. In ACOK, it seems that the relationship between the Hound and Sansa had romantic undertones. Is that true?

GeoRR: Well, read the book and decide for yourself.

Moreta12: I’ve read the book and I’ve debated those particular scenes with a few others. Half say that it’s romantic and half say it’s platonic. I’ve taken the romantic stance.

GeoRR:  It could be very different things to each of those involved, mind you

Moreta12:Yes, but it seem like evidence points towards romantic undertones. Will the Hound appear later?

GeoRR: Yes, the Hound will be in STORM OF SWORDS. In fact, I just finished writing a big scene with him.

[Source]

The “Why are you asking me about Sansa’s sexuality?” Alternative 1: “Are you really asking me when your fave male adult character can fuck a girl, 15 years younger than him, without guilt?” Alternative 2: “Why are you so gross?”

OCTOBER 05, 1999 AGE OF SEXUAL RELATIONS IN WESTEROS

The nature of the relationship between Sandor and Sansa has been a hot topic on Revanshe's board. Sansa's youth has been one focus of the discussion. What is the general Westerosi view as to romantic or sexual relationships involving a girl of Sansa's age and level of physical maturity?

A boy is Westeros is considered to be a "man grown" at sixteen years. The same is true for girls. Sixteen is the age of legal majority, as twenty-one is for us. However, for girls, the first flowering is also very significant... and in older traditions, a girl who has flowered is a woman, fit for both wedding and bedding. A girl who has flowered, but not yet attained her sixteenth name day, is in a somewhat ambigious position: part child, part woman. A "maid," in other words. Fertile but innocent, beloved of the singers. In the "general Westerosi view," well, girls may well be wed before their first flowerings, for political reasons, but it would considered perverse to bed them. And such early weddings, even without sex, remain rare. Generally weddings are postponed until the bride has passed from girlhood to maidenhood. Maidens may be wedded and bedded... however, even there, many husbands will wait until the bride is fifteen or sixteen before sleeping with them. Very young mothers tend to have significantly higher rates of death in childbirth, which the maesters will have noted. As in the real Middle Ages, highborn girls tend to flower significantly earlier than those of lower birth. Probably a matter of nutrition. As a result, they also tend to marry earlier, and to bear children earlier. There are plenty of exceptions.

[Source]

The “Unreliable narrator - Part 1” Alternative: “The much more important lapse in memory that was promised”

JUNE 26, 2001 SF, TARGARYENS, VALYRIA, SANSA, MARTELLS, AND MORE

[GRRM is asked about Sansa misremembering the name of Joffrey’s sword.]

The Lion’s Paw / Lion’s Tooth business, on the other hand, is intentional. A small touch of the unreliable narrator. I was trying to establish that the memories of my viewpoint characters are not infallible. Sansa is simply remembering it wrong. A very minor thing (you are the only one to catch it to date), but it was meant to set the stage for a much more important lapse in memory. You will see, in A STORM OF SWORDS and later volumes, that Sansa remembers the Hound kissing her the night he came to her bedroom… but if you look at the scene, he never does. That will eventually mean something, but just now it’s a subtle touch, something most of the readers may not even pick up on.

[Source]

The “Unreliable narrator - Part 2” Alternative: “It doesn’t mean what you think it means”

OCTOBER 05, 2002 SANSA’S MEMORY

[Note: This mail has been edited for brevity.]

… this is an inconsistency with ASoS more than an outright error. In ASoS, Sansa thinks that the Hound kissed her before leaving her room and King’s Landing. In ACoK, no kiss is mentioned in the scene, though Sansa did think that he was about to do so.

Well, not every inconsistency is a mistake, actually. Some are quite intentional. File this one under “unreliable narrator” and feel free to ponder its meaning

[Source]

The “Unreliable narrator - Part 3” Alternative: “Better ask yourself about Sansa’s psychological state”

NOVEMBER 27, 2007 GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS

Here’s a really particular question (which I realize means it probably won’t get asked in a general interview): In A Storm of Swords, there is a chapter early on where Sansa is thinking back to the scene at the end of A Clash of Kings when The Hound came into her room during the battle. She thinks in the chapter about how he kissed her, but in the scene in A Clash of Kings, this actually didn’t happen. Was that a typo or something? —Valdora

GRRM: It’s not a typo. It is something! [Laughs] ”Unreliable narrator” is the key phrase there. The second scene is from Sansa’s thoughts. And what does that reveal about her psychologically? I try to be subtle about these things.

[Source]

The “The answer is No” Alternative: NO!

APRIL 15, 2008 FUTURE MEETINGS, POVS, ARYA’S ROLE, EASTERN LANDS, AND ASSASSINS

[Will Sandor and Sansa meet?]

Why, the Hound is dead, and Sansa may be dead as well. There’s only Alayne Stone.

[Source]

The “He’s a lot more dangerous than he is romantic” Alternative: “BUT THERE IS SAM!”

AUG. 21ST, 2009 AS SER JORAH MORMONT… - NOT A BLOG

weltraummuell: The Hound Oh please don’t cast an old guy for the Hound, his scenes with Sansa are so romantic and erotic, I couldn’t bear if it’d feel creepy all of a sudden. Well, that’s me making demands. LOL

GRRM: Re: The Hound Old guy? No, but… the Hound is still a whole lot older than Sansa, and was never written as attractive… you know, those hideous burns and all that… he’s a lot more dangerous than he is romantic.  

kestrana: The Hound Yeah its a “girl always wants the bad boy” kind of thing although Sansa seems to pull something else out of him. It feels so wrong sometimes but I want to see them together again tee hee.

weltraummuell: The Hound Hehe, George, maybe you didn’t intend it, but he turned out to be a very erotic character to female readers. Especially since he’s mutilated and dangerous. Makes him unpredictable and vulnerable which is the most explosive aphrodisiac for a girl’s fantasy. ;)

weltraummuell: The Hound And I know from discussions on other board other women feel just the same about Sandor. He’s an absolute favourite with the ladies!

halfbloodmalfoy: The Hound LOL, you’re such a man. To many of us women, dangerous *is* attractive.

GRRM: The Hound But no one has any love for poor old Sam Tarly, kind and smart and decent and devoted…

[Source]

The “That’s interesting...” Alternative: “They are deeply troubled individuals, Harriet”

22 JUNE 2012 SWORD & LASER VIDEO PODCAST

GRRM: I am sometimes surprised by the reactions, of women in particular, to some of the villains. The number of women over the years who have written to me that their favorite characters are Jaime Lannister or Sandor Clegane [the Hound] or Theon Greyjoy… All of these are deeply troubled individuals with some very dark sides, who have done some very dark things. Nonetheless, they do draw this response, and quite heavily, I think, in the case of some of them, from my female readers in particular.

Veronica Belmont: I’m a big fan of the Hound, myself, actually.

Tom Merritt: Of Sandor? Really?

Veronica Belmont: Yeah, the Hound… Maybe it’s not because I feel any compassion towards them, I’m not really sure what the attraction is. Ah, I’m not going to call it attraction, actually. Let’s just say it’s a fascination, perhaps.

GRRM: [Chuckles] Well, I mean, fascination is one thing, but some of these letters indicate that there really is like a romantic attraction going on there. And I do know there’s all these people out there who are, as they call themselves, the “San/San” fans, who want to see Sandor and Sansa get together at the end. So that’s interesting, too.

Tom Merritt: The TV show has sort of played with that a little, and probably stoked those fires.

GRRM: Oh, sure. And I’ve played with it in the books. There’s something there, but it’s still interesting to see how many people have responded to it.

[Source]

The “I guess I don’t understand women” Alternative: “I'm shook”

JUNE 23, 2015 GRRM Q&A AT THE SCIENCE FICTION BOOKSTORE IN STOCKHOLM

Question: “Is there any fan reactions that you have been surprised by, like is there a character that’s more popular than you thought or have people been shocked by something you didn’t think we would be shocked at?”

GRRM: “I’m reasonably certain what people will be shocked by. I knew that the Red Wedding would provoke a big reaction and it did. I was pretty confident that, you know, throwing Bran out the window and then killing Ned in the first book would get reactions, and indeed they did. All of those worked exactly the way it did to the extent that things that have surprised me, they tend to be smaller things. I guess I… Maybe I should not have, I don’t know. How do I phrase this without getting myself in terrible trouble… I guess I don’t understand women, but I was definitely, you know, way back when, surprised by the number of women who reacted positively to characters like Theon and the Hound as dashing, romantic figures. The san/san kind of thing took me by surprise, I must admit, and even more so the women who, and there are some, who really like Theon. So that surprised me.”

[Source]

The “Comfort level of femininity” Alternative: “That's not a reference for romance”

MAY 29, 2016 BALTICON REPORT 

My con friend asked about the Jon/Arya relationship again and brought her (impressive) Game book that had all of her references marked out with little flags. She brought up the Ygritte connections to Arya that Jon saw in her. George did not directly answer yes or no if there would be anything romantic between the two.

George did say, despite what readers see as clues to a romantic relationship between Jon/Arya in the books themselves, he did not confirm this so easily but inferred that what Jon saw in Ygritte was a comfort level of femininity. <<<  She and I obviously discussed these comments after the meeting and this was the general feeling.

My con friend was referring to George explaining Jon’s perception: GRRM replied, “You know, I don’t think it’s a reference for that [for romance]. It’s a reference to a certain physical type, and  a certain indication of what Jon finds admirable. It’s like someone who reminds you of, you know… Other people might be put off by this, you know, hair that looks like small rodents have been living in there. It doesn’t put him off because he is used to that.”

The “I was making up shit.” Alternative: "I wish I can delete that"

MAY 29, 2016 BALTICON REPORT 

After the Coffee Talk just outside the room:

My Con Friend asked about Arya and Jon again. This time GRRM gave some very pointed replies:

GRRM finished (in the hallway now) by saying that he “wished some past things weren’t such strong foreshadowing,” and that he, “wished some new things had stronger foreshadowing then.”

Friend: Ok, if you foreshadowed something in the first book, like, really cleverly hidden, would you then follow through on that hint? For sure?..

GRRM: “Well, this goes with what I said before, the story changes and expands as I write. I wish I was able to go back and make revised drafts, but that’s not going to happen.”

Here is a transcript of the outline discussion and Jon/Arya portion of the coffee talk:

[question about Jon/Arya]

GRRM: “Alright, you’ve thought about this more than I have. I mean it’s simple, Jon is very fond of Arya. They were the two odd birds in the Stark family nest, here. They didn’t quite fit in with the others, they look like each other, they both had the brown hair, you know, as opposed to the auburn hair of Sansa and Bran and Rickon and Robb. So there was always that closeness between them. And, you know, Arya didn’t mind that Jon was a bastard, and Jon didn’t mind that Arya was a tomboy, so there is that closeness there.”

[question about Jon comparing his lover to his sister]

GRRM: “If he did it, uhm… I began writing these books in 1991, and, uhm, I worked on it in 91 and then I got a tv play, so I put it aside to really work on ‘Doorways’ tv pilot and did a tv show in 92-93. In 94 I returned to it [the books] and worked on it. You know, up till then, in my career as a writer, I’d always written the entire book before I opted for sale. That’s unusual. Most writers do chapters and an outline. They write a few chapters, they outline the rest of the book, give that to the publisher and the publisher says ‘oh okay, I’ll take that’.

“As some of you may have noticed, those who have been paying very, very carefully attention, I’m not good with deadlines. And, uh, and I’m not good with outlines, either. I always hated outlines. So with Fevre Dream and with Armageddon Rag and with Dying of the Light and all my novels, I wrote the entire book. I didn’t do chapters and outline. I sat down, I wrote a whole book, and I sent it to my agent and said ‘Look, here’s a whole book, and it’s finished’. That way I ran into no deadline, it was finished before it even went on the market. And it worked well for me. And my initial thought was to do this the same way, but what happened, you know, was in 1994, uhm, when I returned to it and I’m working on it and I’m very enthused about it and I say ‘I really wanna write these Game of Thrones books as the next part’. But I was still in Hollywood and I’d just lost all this groundwork on ‘Doorways’, I was still in… The studios and networks still wanna work with me, so I’m getting other offers, like ‘We want you to write this movie’, ‘we want you to do another tv pilot’. And, you know, I took a couple of them and was ‘Oh god, I gotta have to put the book away again’. Cause I have no deadline [for the book]. You know, when you think Hollywood, they will give you a deadline, you know, they say ‘here, son, write this movie, we want it in three months’.

“So, I said ‘look, if I wanna get back to being a novelist, I’m gonna have to sell this even though it’s not finished’. So I had my 200 pages of Game of Thrones at that point, but they wanted outline. I said ‘I don’t do outlines. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, I figure it out as I go. And that’s how I always did it.’ No, we had to have an outline. So I wrote two pages, a two-page thing about what I thought would happen. It’ll be a trilogy, it’ll be three books, Game of Thrones, the Dance with Dragons, and Winds of Winter. Those were the three window titles. And, uh, it’ll be three books and this’ll happen, and this’ll happen, and this’ll happen. And I was making up shit.

“And I had thought that those two pages were long forgotten, because, of course, the books did sell. They sold in the United States and in Great Britain, both. They sold for enough money that I didn’t have to take any more Hollywood games. So I was able to say ‘no’ around. I had a few less [?] to wind up in in 94 and 95. Once I had, I said ‘no, I don’t want any more movies or tv shows, I’m going to write these books now’. And I started writing the books. And in the process, I pretty much disregarded the outline. The characters took me off in entirely different directions. So, for 20 years I had forgotten that that two-page thing even existed. And then someone in my British publisher, HarperCollins, they got a new office building, uh, brand new offices, and new conference rooms, big conference rooms that they decorated with books and stuff like that. And they named the conference rooms after the writers, so one of the conference rooms [?], and they put up these plastic display cases, including the outline. The two-page outline, yes. [?], they didn’t ask my permission, they just put it up. And in that two-page outline, Jon and Arya become a romantic item.”

“You know, I don’t think it’s a reference for that [for romance]. It’s a reference to a certain physical type, and  a certain indication of what Jon finds admirable. It’s like someone who reminds you of, you know… Other people might be put off by this, you know, hair that looks like small rodents have been living in there. It doesn’t put him off because he is used to that.””

[someone says they have 5 minutes left]

“You know, I was pretty pissed that that outline got out there. It should not have happened. Outlines and letters like that are meant only for the eyes of the editor. They shouldn’t go on public display. And, uh, they also [?] my papers on [?], all my papers and correspondence. You know, I’ve been sending that stuff there for years, and it’d be, you know, available for future scholars or whatever, just like the papers of many other writers. Somehow, in the back of my head I was like ‘yeah, 20 years after I’m dead some scholar will go in and find them’. They’re going in right now!”   ”

[question if he is still going with the 1991 ending]

“Yes, I mean, I did partly joke when I said I don’t know where I was going. I know the broad strokes, and I’ve known the broad strokes since 1991. I know who’s going to be on the Iron Throne. I know who’s gonna win some of the battles, I know the major characters, who’s gonna die and how they’re gonna die, and who’s gonna get married and all that. The major characters. Of course along the way I made up a lot of minor characters, you know, I, uhm…Did I know in 1991 how Bronn, what was gonna happen to Bronn? No, I didn’t even know there’d be a guy named Bronn. I was inventing him along the way when I was writing, ‘Okay, he gets kidnapped. Let’s see, there are a couple sellswords there, their names are Fred and Bronn’.

“It was actually Bronn and Chiggen, and then one of them dies, I flipped a coin ‘okay, who dies? Chiggen dies, cause his name is stupid. Bronn is a better name, so I’ll keep Bronn’. And then Bronn became quite an interesting character and plenty of these characters take on minds of their own. They push to the front till you [?] speech and you think of a cool line and you give it to Bronn because he’s trying to talk, and now Bronn is somebody who says something cool. [?]. That’s how characters grow on you. “So a lot of the minor characters I’m still discovering along the way. But the mains-”

[question if he knows Arya’s and Jon’s fates]

“Tyrion, Arya, Jon, Sansa, you know, all of the Stark kids, and the major Lannisters, yeah.”

This report appears in the following sources:

fattest leech of ice and fire blog [Source 1]

asoiaf.westeros.org [Source 2]  

westeros.org [Source 3]

The “Unreliable narrator - Part 4” Alternative: “I think I had enough...”

DECEMBER 2016 ASKING GEORGE R.R. MARTIN ABOUT SAN/SAN

My question is regarding Sansa Stark. Her sexuality has evolved through every book and yet the memory that seems to stick the more with her in this regard is the night of the Blackwater. So I was wondering if you can expand on your view on what this is, since as before that night her interactions with Sandor Clegane weren't really physical.

The night of the Blackwater, yes. Ahhh... Well, I'm not going to give you a straight answer on that hahaha... Uhmmm, but I would say that ahhh... you know a television show and a book each has its own strengths and weaknesses; there a re tools that are available to me as a novelist, that are not available to people doing a television show. And of course there are tools available to them, that are not available to a novelist, I mean they can lay in a soundtrack, they can do special effects, they can do amazing things that I can't do, I just have words on paper. What can I do, well I can use things like the internal narrative, I can take you inside of territories... thoughts, which you can't do in a TV show... Ahhh... You just have the words they speak, you see them from outside because the camera is external, while prose is internal, and I have the device known as "unreliable narrator"... Ahhh... Which again, they don't have. So, think about those two aspects when you consider that night of the Blackwater. 

[Source]

Most of these questions make me think of Nabokov having to clarified, regarding Lolita, that he didn’t write a romance..........

So there’s that, everyone can draw their own conclusions.  God knows that in this fandom: “We look up at the same stars, and see such different things.”  

Thanks for your message.

[spnfanficpond]

June 2020 Angel Fish Awards

(New Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE JUNE’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nonimated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

I Thought You Were Going To Die (oneshot) by @fun-and-fandoms

My nominations for the month wouldn’t be complete without a little bit of angst. Though this one isn’t just that. If you’re easily triggered by mentions of depression and its symptoms, this one’s not for you. But it’s an important topic and I will always encourage any creator who uses their art to remind people it’s okay to talk about it. (Note from Kale, this was actually submitted in May but I missed it.) 

More to Me (oneshot) by @becs-bunker

No spoilers, but I’m so glad this ended the way it did. So sweet <3

Help  (oneshot) by @blushingjared

I came across this fic and was immediately intrigued. Then I started reading and I was captivated from the first sentence until the very last. The author did such a good job with setting the scene and painting the right picture.

Talking Bodies (oneshot) by @ne-gans

This AU-Sam is such a huge weakness of mine. That, in combination with this dangerously filthy masterpiece, is nothing short of perfection.

Nominated by @focusonspn

Into The Woods (series) by @amanda-teaches

So well written, interesting plot and great development. The chemistry between Y/N and Dean is also amazing, and I loved how this mini-series could be so easily part of the show. Totally worth reading.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeamindfield 

Stranger Than FanFiction (series) by @cherry3point14

The premise is similar to the film Stranger Than Fiction – a story about a story being written about you – and it’s just as hilarious. Also, Cherry Pie is still one of the funniest writers in this corner of SPN fandom.

“You’re not supposed to move your head if there’s someone trying to murder you, probably…”

No, I wouldn’t think so, but lollllll

“You’re being insane, out loud.”

Omgggg

“It tried, oh, how the door tried to divert her attention from the unknown men who could be terrible, rule-breaking influences on her. However the door was only wood and she was a stubborn woman made of free will and limbs—a woman who refused to be deceived.”

“Your hand is on the doorknob before the mention of your limbs has finished rattling around your head.  Realistically you don’t want to encourage the voice by doing what it says. After all, the voice’s ultimate goal seems to be killing you.”

BAHAHAHAH omfg you guys

I need to stop quoting from this bc I probably seem insane to those of you who haven’t read this, so stop being judgy buttheads and go read!

Nominated by @flamencodiva

The Choice (series) by @superfanficnatural

A couple of things. 1) this is an amazing fic that highlights Dean unwillingness to let himself go until it’s almost too late. and 2) the smut in this is hot hot hot hot! not for anyone under 18 years of age.

Mert has a way with words and can literally pluck you into one and make you see it as it comes to life in your head.

Mine (series) by @holylulusworld

Lulu has an abundance of different stories she tells and this one is my favorite of her ABO’s at the moment. (although I love all of them) I think this one deserved a mention. I am glad she joined to Pond so I could help nominate and spread her amazing work!

One Night at a Time (series) by @crashdevlin

Another great fic by Cassie! This one shot full of Angst, Smut, and if you squint just the right amount of Dean fluff. She has a way of capturing your attention and putting you in the world as you read.

What He Lost (oneshot) by @jensengirl83

This short story by Brandy is sure to rip your heart out. she leaves just a bit of hope where you think there is a chance only to crush it completely with the ending. This one is sure to bring you to tears if you are looking for the most delicious angsty story to read.

Nominated by @risingpheonix761

Down The Rabbit Hole (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

So, this was hysterical. XD I love crack fics, and bad smut in particular, and this one hits the spot. (I’ve also learned several new horrible euphemisms lol). The ending, though? Golden!

Nominated by @myinconnelly1

The Affair (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I love how well all the characters are portrayed I truly hate everyone except the reader! Well done!!  

Red Riding Hood - or how you ran into a wolf... (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I have nothing to say about this. I will simply allow the puddle I have become to speak for me. 

Last Omega On Earth (oneshot) by @holylulusworld 

This was a great entry in the ABO world. and we need more of this and more like !!!!! Great work!

My Beta (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

I am a greedy little bitch with this fic.  I think I've read it 3-4 since i first read it this month!!!!!! READ THIS FIC!  

Third Period (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

Some truly inspiring smut.  Inspiring to change my panties. 

Gods of Twilight (series) by @thecleverdame​

I think i posted this fic in my rec before, but it is so amazing and intricate that i can't stop gushing about it.  Fucking awesome. 

Apple Pie (oneshot) by @bad268​ 

The amazingness of this is great, check this guppy out!

Deal (oneshot) by @bad268 

Comedy at some of its's finest!!! 

Confession (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

THE FLUFFFFFFF!!!! I don't read straight fluff.  So get the tissues ready.

Fallen (series) by idreamofplaid

My therapist has told me i'm not longer allowed to talk about this fic during our sessions.  So instead i shall now talk about it here... *pulls out soapbox* ahem... *gets pulled away with hook*

Memory (oneshot) by @idreamofplaid

This fic is older, but i love it so much.  I recently went back and reread it, and the angst and reconciliation in this fic are heartwrenching.

Home (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

My dentist bill the month was higher than normal, due to the new cavities caused by this fic.

Imperfectly Yours (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Cuteness overload as you get Dean's perspective of Home ^^

Second Hand News (oneshot) by @emilyshurley

Alright listen. I am a glutton for punishment.  And this fic, I asked for.  Also i had it set within one of the universes we now own.  That all being said, reading this was like a dose of my own medicine and it fucking hurt.

Honesty And Lies (oneshot) by @crashdevlin

This was super dirty, and great.  Totally recommend. 

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

The Classifieds (oneshot) by @talesmaniac89

This is rip your heart out and stomp on it angst right here. So well written, but so, so heartbreaking.

So Much More Than Perfect (oneshot) by @imagineteamfreewill

This fic is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read. It made me tear up a bit, but who doesn’t love Dean being the most protective, most adorable dad ever?!

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

Dear Dean (series) by @smol-and-grumpy

It’s one of those series that makes you wants more after every chapter. It’s a brilliant story.

Left Behind (series) by @kittenofdoomage

It’s the only John Fic I can read over and over and over again. Its hot, the plot is awesome! And it makes me wants more each and every time I read it.

Not Much Left (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

I think Beka tries to kill her readers every time she writes smut… or she just tap into our mind what we want or what we fantasize about. Every single time I’m speechless by her talents!

Yes Professor (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

It’s a Misha fic, there’s no one who write Misha the way Beka does!!!

Owe You One (series) by @supernatural-jackles

It’s such a great series! The friends with Benefit and Mechanic!Dean… I just love this so much and I don’t have words to describe how good this one is!!

Flirty In French (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

This is brilliant, and I know its an old one, but from someone who finally decided to read more and from someone who is from Quebec, this is absolutely brilliant! The flirty french pick up line are so hilarious!

Nominated by @moosekateer13

Watching for Comets (series) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully captures the song that it was inspired by.

It also showcases things that when things are meant to be.

I’ll will all fall into place.

Please Trust Me (oneshot) by @holylulusworld

This fic beautifully emotionally captures what it’s like to have trust issues.

Nominated by @fictionalabyss

Last Call (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer 

It was everything we needed and wanted.

Culinary Exploits (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer  

Too utterly ridiculous not to get a mention.

His Omega (oneshot) by @iflostreturntosteverogers 

A sweet little comfort fic of Dean being utterly perfect caring for his Omega. Carrie also pulled off keeping this gender neutral, which isn’t something I see a lot of, and probably something I’d struggle with, so hats off to you, babe.

Poison (oneshot) by @supernatural-jackles 

YES omg i feel this on such a level. I’ve gone through that shit myself. A friend who lets you down so profoundly but then acts as if you’re the most toxic person in the world.  Nothing feels as good as letting go of that shit and moving on to better things. This was beautiful, and perfect, and TRUTH.

Amara (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer  

This one hurt. It really hurt, but it hurt so good that I’m left wanting more.

Take Me Now (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87  

If Dawn doesn’t continue this, I’ll riot.

Stuck On You (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage  

I rarely read a fic this long (I just don’t usually have the time) but it looked too interesting for me to scroll past, and it had me completely captivated. I needed to know what would happen as if I needed air, even though I could guess how it ended, I needed to read the words. Phenomenal.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[destinyc1020]

Regarding what you are talking about, the ability to play totally antagonistic characters, I believe that Z just needs a little push, like any actor does. An actor or actress needs to get out of his comfort state and enter a new world in acting, that's how the greatest gems of cinema were created. The problem with Z is that she has built such a strong bond with Sam that she cannot venture into several projects by other directors, totally different projects, this is my opinion. If there's something I admire about Tom, that's it, he varies in his projects, he knows how to play a problematic killer, but also a neighborhood friendly superhero, he knows how to be vulnerable, but he also knows how to be dangerous, he knows how to be villain and also the good guy and, best of all, is that when we watch one of his films we don’t think about the other, at least I don’t, I think he can disconnect his image from the character and that’s what Z needs to do. She needs to venture more, take more risks, I think that's why I'm looking forward to seeing Ronnie Spector's autobiography, because it will be the first film she will star in without Levinson's direction. And honestly, I can't imagine the A24 making a film that is not commendable.

So, I think we just have to wait for her to achieve this confidence so that we can see her being valued by the academy. For me, there is no doubt that this day will come, both for her and for Tom.

I typically don't like to compare the two of them, so I'll leave comparisons out.

But everything else you said is spot on. I think Z def has the potential and the DRIVE to improve her craft. She will definitely get there one day, and Sam sees it. I won't knock Sam too much, because he believes in Z and sees her potential, and he's helped her in so many ways to grow as an actress, and is even going to be helping her with directing skills as well! 😃👍🏾 So Sam is def an asset.

With that said, I totally agree with you. I think that Z has GREAT potential, but I almost wonder if she's being hindered a bit by Sam's bad writing. A LOT of ppl seem to take issue with his writing.... and it seems as though M&M is no different. 🥴 I can't speak on that since I haven't seen the movie yet (I'll be watching this Friday night woo hoo!! 😁), but it does make me wonder if maybe it's time to see what Z can do with a different director.

Also, I'm not sure if you meant that Z hasn't been the LEAD in a film/major project without Sam directing, or what.... but I just wanted to clarify that Z has worked with other film directors before...ie. TGS, Spider-man, Dune, etc... But as far as playing the lead in those roles.... no.

So yea, I'd like to see her play more lead roles under a different director as well.

One thing I can say that Sam DID do, is he helped Z to be seen as a "leading lady". Prior to Euphoria, everything Z had done had either been under Disney, OR she was on the big screen playing a small role as a side character.

Euphoria helped her to break out of the Disney "good girl" image, and be seen as someone who can play a leading role. The Emmy win didn't hurt either lol! 😁

I know Z suffers from anxiety, so it may be harder for her to really shed herself on camera and be completely vulnerable and naked emotionally onscreen. I think if there is one piece of advice I'd give to Z, it would be to work on her anxiety (which it seems she's already doing), and really truly learn to believe in herself. I also wonder if there might be some of that "imposter syndrome" going on that so many actors tend to experience, especially the higher up they go in their careers. 🤔

Whatever it is, I think once she sheds all of that FEAR, she will be a force to be reckoned with. She just probably needs more practice, that's all. 😉

I think ppl forget that Z grew up painfully shy... to the point where her parents were looking for professional advice. You don't just shake that overnight. Acting def has helped her slowly get out of her shell, which is probably why she likes it so much. She gets to be a different person.

I have faith that she will only continue to go up from here. 😊