#Salesforce

[tamapalace]

okay vlookup

[princesscolumbia]

Adventurer (me) Seeking Quest (employment)

Is anyone working for an employer that does remote work and is based in Seattle, WA, USA? I need to stay in Arizona until July 2026 for family reasons, but I would LOVE to move and lend my skills to a company who could use them, supports queer folk, and will pay me what I'm worth.

What I can do:

I know enough HTML, CSS, and Javascript to piss off people on dev teams who count on the rest of the company not knowing what they're doing

I'm an Excel GODDESS (VLookup is legacy garbage, use Xlookup or, even better, pipe the data through Power Query and use Power Pivot)

My current job is a combination Salesforce power-user, data analyst, devops, and project manager. Does my job title reflect ANY of that? Of COURSE not...

Prior to that, I was a Team Lead in charge of the Florida market, something I did while working remote. I worked with two others to manage a team of approx. 30 people.

I'm a member of the Pride ERG for the company and was selected to attend the Washington D.C HRC Dinner in 2024.

In 2022 I won an award from my current employer for creating a new, streamlined process for scheduling appointments.

Before that I was a Customer Care agent for the same company and went from a temp worker to the Top 5 performers in 6 months

Before I switched to Customer Care I was a "generalist" I.T. worker for 15 years, working as break-fix, housecalls, working as part of an I.T. team, being "the Mac guy" for a print shop, managing the I.T. for an insurance agency, and even working for Apple (retail, don't get too excited)

Why you should hire me:

If you're wrong, I'll tell you as much. I don't care if you're the same pay scale or the Owner/CEO. You're paying me and part of the value is when my expertise helps me see a red flag. Whether you listen to me or not is up to you.

If I don't know something, I won't bullshit you. I'll tell you to your face, "I don't know." I will then turn my Superpowers on the question and proceed to find out the answer, or at least get somewhat closer to the answer than you might have been before.

My superpowers are being Neurodivergent. I WILL hyperfocus until a project is done

I require little in the way of praise. So long as you're paying me enough to pay my bills and take care of my family and have enough left over for retirement and hobbies, I almost never ask anything

I strongly believe in making the boss look good. If you look good, you'll like what I do for you to make you look good

My Philosophy:

I believe in being ambitiously lazy. I will do as much work as needed to get the job done so I don't have to do it again. Having to do a thing a second time for anything short of prior failure means you've wasted people's time and money the first time

I would rather do MASSIVE amounts of work NOW if it means it will make my workload/job easier tomorrow

If you're in "emergency" mode for longer than 24 hours, you're doing something wrong. If you're in "crisis" mode for longer than 7 days, you're doing something wrong.

Unless you need to physically touch something in a building for the purpose of getting that specific thing to someone else that needs the physical thing, there is no need to work in an office. Remote Work is correct, as is Hybrid. Information workers do NOT need to work in an office.

There is no such thing as unskilled workers, only under-valued workers

The difference between me and anyone else is time and space. I am not inherently worth more or less than anyone else

Conversely, nobody gets "special treatment," everyone gets the same excellent treatment, period

Things to know about me:

I write fiction. If you're seeing me here you likely can find my work with a few clicks. Yes, that includes NSFW stuff. No, I won't work for a discount if you read my stuff, but read it anyway and leave a comment. 😋

I have a polycule and a daughter

I'm a pretty darn good home cook

If you want to hire me:

DM me to get my phone number and direct email

Prepare to help with moving expenses if at all possible. No matter what I'll be moving to Seattle after July 2026, how fast that goes depends on how quickly money can be applied directly to the problem of getting me there (Moving assistance == faster, no moving assistance == slower)

Be ready for me to jump in as soon as you have an opening and say, "Yes." My current employer has passed me over for promotion 3 times in the last 5 years even when my direct boss has been pushing for it repeatedly

[ai-satin-chic]

The salesgirls from the "Femme-2-U" agency were quite pushy.

"Well, I'm delighted to say that you now qualify for our 'Gold Pink' tier. You've been such a loyal customer over the years, you now get an additional petticoat, a satin nightie and your choice of three silky skirts every month. Plus, an exclusive 20% discount on top of all your existing benefits on our online store"

How exciting!

"Of course, there's also the 'Platinum Pink' tier... would you be interested in upgrading?"

[cyber-sec]

Hackers Fooled Staff at Google, Adidas and More in Simple Scam

A cybercrime crew called ShinyHunters tricked workers into handing over control of their Salesforce systems — letting the hackers copy company data and even break into other accounts. Victims range from global brands to airlines, with stolen data later used for ransom.

Source: Malwarebytes

Read more: CyberSecBrief

[datamodel-of-disaster]

I have been cursed by making this Tumblr.

At my job, I just gained responsibility of a giant data migration that involves fixing the fundamental data structure of our horrible, no good, very bad Salesforce implementation.

I have become the designated fixer of the Datamodel of Disaster.

[kamalkafir-blog]

CAMHS Practitioner - Unscheduled Care

Job title: CAMHS Practitioner – Unscheduled Care Company: NHS Job description: Reference number 050-NMR129-0225-A Job locations Royal Alexandra Hospital Marine Drive Rhyl LL18 3AS… Act. Knowledge of relevant national strategies. Knowledge of Information and Technology Communication Knowledge of the… Expected salary: £37898 – 45637 per year Location: Rhyl, Denbighshire Job date: Fri, 27 Jun 2025…

[backtonormallife]

And George is now a meme …..

[omanatascha]

(via GIPHY)

[changing-my-username]

"It's what AI was meant to be."

And what is that, Mr McConaughey? A steaming pile of shite?

[algoworks]

Picking the right AppExchange app? It’s not just about features, it’s about fit. Think smarter, scale faster and make every install count. 

[exalateintegrations]

How to Integrate Salesforce Cases to Jira Work Types and Sync Custom Fields using Exalate’s AI Assist

Struggling to keep your teams on the same page? Connecting your Salesforce and Jira instances can transform how your customer support, IT, and development teams work together, making collaboration smoother and more efficient. 

With a two-way integration powered by Exalate’s AI Assist, syncing Salesforce cases with Jira work types becomes easier. 

Just tell AI Assist your sync requirements in plain language, and it generates the sync scripts for you, whether your needs are simple or complex. 

Whether you want to automatically track customer feedback, incidents, or get real-time status updates, syncing Salesforce and Jira ensures consistent data and speeds up your workflows.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this video: 

Automatically create Salesforce Cases as Jira Stories

Use AI Assist to map Salesforce Cases to Jira Incidents [work types]

Sync Salesforce Case numbers to Jira custom fields and back-reference Jira ticket keys in Salesforce

Ready to unify your teams and simplify your processes?

📖 Dive into the full integration guide here. 

💡 Want a tailored solution? Book a discovery call with us. 

[jupyter-notebook]

just had a surprisingly good and only moderately overpriced burger on the sales force anti homeless bench

feels good to be back

[purpleartisansalad]

Forget guesswork. TDZ Pro’s CRM is based on actual behavior.

[cymetrixsoftware]

Cymetrix | Salesforce Financial Cloud Implementation Partners

Cymetrix offers expert Salesforce Financial Services Cloud solutions tailored for financial institutions. Enhance customer engagement, streamline operations, and drive growth with customized Fintech CRM, data integration, and advanced analytics. Partner with Cymetrix for scalable, secure, and innovative Salesforce solutions.