#Said news also changes my schedule so that also caused me more stress.

[exhaustedwriterartist]

Regular Leo and Our Other Halves Leo. My little vent outlets:

I head cannon Leo disassociating, reliving events, and having a truly hard time forgiving himself post-movie.

Joys shown through my boy. Art block is starting to hit hard, but I've retaliated by drawing my feelings in two mediums.

[cutiecutedoll]

my guide to wonyoungism, improve your life, glow up, be THAT girl:

🎀 have a routine: this is something I learned from being on therapy for so long. It is really important to have a routine because if not you can have bad sleeping, be tired all day, get bored easier, you won't be able to finish your responsabilities, it can bring you bad self esteem and in general is a complete mess.

🎀 work out: always do what's best for you and do what you feel comfortable doing but please! work! out! I'm such a lazy person and at some point it was really hard for me to have motivation to do anything, but once I put my mind into it, and force myself a bit and started with 10 mins of pilates everyday (since it was something easy to start with) my life and my self esteem improved a lot. Working out is another way to have schedules and a routine, also improves your self esteem by making you feel capable of doing stuff, and ofc is good for your body.

🎀 have a good skincare routine: first, do some research about your skin type and see what products can work better for you (you can also go to have a skincare treatment and ask the beautician or search on internet) but always do what's more comfortable and affordable for you, don't use stuff that influencers recommend bc you can alter you skin type based on the products you use too (as a beutician I know) Also don't DON'T do it everyday, some products can be used everyday like the cleanser but others not. As I said just do a good research. Besides skin stuff it's really interesting!!

🎀 improve your diet: with diet I don't mean to specifically have a diet, actually I'm a bit against them, since being strict about what we eat can cause stress and guiltiness, it's really important to have a balance, eating healthy at the end of the day means nothing if you don't enjoy it. And you can enjoy it by having fun creating new healthy recipes, doing a journal about your fav healthy recipes, buying new cookware (pink plates, pots, pans, etc) or eating a hamburguer, a chocolate cookie sometime

🎀 journal: this is something I do since 2014 lol it's without doubt one of the best things the human has created. It has helped me to improve my writing skills, to get to know me better, to vent about stuff idk how or whom to talk about, also make it fun! In my journal I vent and write about my feelings,fears, dreams, goals, etc but also write down my travels, concerts or fav kpop artists, decorate with stickers, a piece of confetti, even dried flowers!

🎀 hobbies: this is something I also learned recently on therapy, I mean we all had hobbies from time to time but do we know about the importance of having them? I spent this whole year doing nothing since I can't work or study, and without hobbies I can tell you life is too boring, and it can lead you to bad self esteem too I mean, I kinda got crazier for spending so much time alone with literally nothing to do. So find new and fun stuff to do just for the pleasure of doing it, you don't have to be the best at it. I bet you can find hobbies ideas on YouTube as well.

🎀 be more femenine: this is ofc an optional step but I think it can be important, since always either wonyoung or it girls usually look very femenine. Don't forget to make it a fun thing to do! Finding your aesthetic, maybe trying a new one, enjoy going shopping..you can be femenine with your clothing, with your skin care routine, with your jewlery...this is just about feeling beautiful and also powerful.

🎀 improve your behaviour towards other people: with this I mean basically being more open. To meet new people, to make new plans...also fixing your body gesture (at least mine is shit and It always end up hurting my back and shoulders)

🎀 affirmations: good affirmations are a thing, this I learned in therapy too. The way you talk to yourself is important and changing the mindset too. If you tell yourself "I won't be able" then for sure you won't. This is not an easy thing tho I know, but is a necessary thing. Forcing yourself to change your mind every time a negative thought pass by is a hardwork but is well payd, cause the price is your happiness. For this is VERY important to have some help and work things up in therapy. But to give you a little tip, surround yourself with good energy, put some pictures of good affirmations in your room, as background of your phone, even on a shirt!

🎀 enjoy and trust the process: as I kept saying in each step, making it something fun to do it would help you to don't feel it like an obligation cause it's not. It's ofc a responsability to improve your life so you don't fall in depressed behaviours for example, but by making it something fun, then you won't feel guilty if someday you don't feel like functioning and need a lazy day in bed. And by trusting the process, we keep motivated to keep going.

🌼hope this works for you, please let me know if so, have a great day and a great life! 🌼

[inuiiwonderland]

I’m sorry….

A/n: Take this as an apology for me not being active on here😔

Word:678

Warnings: mentions of toxic relationships, slight hint of abuse, and angst (tell me if I forgot anything!)

Mitsuya x fem reader

-

Another knock on the door caused you to sigh as you got up from your bed to go answer it.

Walking down the stairs you could feel your heart pound with every step you took, knowing who is behind that door in the late hours of the night. You finally made it to the door, taking a deep breath and opening it to see your best friend. Mitsuya.

"Y/n…" You could see the dried up tears and how puffy his eyes were. Probably from all the crying he did before coming to your place.

"Just come in" You said as you stepped aside for him to enter your home. He quietly did as you said and walked in. You closed the door and walked to the living room where he was.

"So what happened this time?" He let out a sigh and sat down on the couch.

"She said I wasn't giving her much attention. I already told her how packed my schedule is because of the next fashion show for next month. But then she started saying how I'm lying and that I just don't want to spend time with her." You sat quietly on the opposite end of the couch as you listened.

"She also said that I don't love her anymore and that I'm losing feelings, which I'm not because I truly love her!" Your heart aches hearing those words but you tried not to show it.

"Last night she went out and emma sent me a picture of her going to a hotel with some guy. I confronted her about it today which caused an argument about me not having any trust in her. And I trust her! But then she said that she was going to break up with me because I'm always busy.." Your heart broke seeing him all stressed and scared of losing the one girl he loves. It wasn't anything new for Mitsuya to run to you every week after a fight with his girlfriend. You started growing used to it as time went by, but it made you even more sad and annoyed seeing him still be with her after everything that she has put him through.

You noticed earlier on that the relationship those two have wasn't healthy. More like toxic. She loves to control, lie and use him for almost everything. Even after he caught her cheating one time he still forgave her and stayed by her side. Which caught you off guard since you didn't expect that from him.

But what could you do? He has been in love with her since high school and was thrilled when she accepted his confession on graduation day. Which caused you to cry that night.

"Mitsuya…this isn't normal you know, she has put you through a lot and caused you so much stress! She cheated on you multiple times so why?! Why are you still hurting yourself like this?”

The boy stayed silent. His hands were shaking and he closed his eyes as he looked away.

“Y/n…she’s my girlfriend. The love of my life and I think people deserve second-“

“Bullshit. She already cheated on you gods know how much and lied to you on multiple occasions! Hell she even put her hands on you mitsuya! That’s not love takashi…”

“But…I know…I know she’s going to change. She’ll stop”

No she won’t

“Takashi…”

“I-“ He was cut off by the sound of his phone going off. Text after text and soon a call made Mitsuya stand up as he grabbed his phone.

“It’s her” He says. As he was about to accept the call, you gently took a hold of his hand.

“Mitsuya…” You pleaded.

“This isn’t Healthy and you know it. You can’t continue staying with her. So please…don’t” The phone continued ringing as his phone blew up with texts. His eyes went from the phone to you and then to his phone before finally going back to you.

“M’sorry…”

Your heart shattered as he picked up the phone and made his way towards the door.

-

This was an old draft from last year😭 so sorry if it’s ooc😓

[foster-the-world]

Great Gatsby

My Mom, Aunt and I saw the Great Gatsby last night. Great show. Amazing costumes and scenes as you would expect. We got $24 tickets we get through Bee's ice skating program. My husband and I will go see Water for Elephants next month. The Classical theater of Harlem is also having free nightly outdoor performance of a midsummers night dream - which looks like a fun adaption. Thinking of taking the girls next week. I think it has lots of glitzy costumes and dancing. It doesn't start until 8:30 but I think we can go for the first half. As a kid my mom had weekly tickets to the Muny - a huge outdoor theater. All of the kids went to the kids show once a summer. Fond memories.

The girls start science camp next week. They love Camp Half blood/sword camp so much. So much imagination. They are bummed its over but they did science camp and liked it last summer.

We are scheduled to go to Banff and Jasper National Parks the end of August. We always do our summer vacation then because camps end but school doesn't start. Turns out two other people at work also want that week off. They may tell me no. Which is fine. So far I've only booked cancelable lodging. We will figure out childcare and go the week before. We may end up switching destinations because we will no longer have the extra labor day Monday off. Its a pretty pricey flight so I don't want to go if we don't have enough time. Maybe Columbia? We will make it to Banff someday.

Talked with baby boy's new school OT and PT. They said he's doing great. He's so used to doing therapies that he has no problems going with new people. PT mentioned the inability to slow down is his problem. Not news to us. Let's hope they can help.

Was reading the NYT's article about the study that says children's moving anytime between the age of 10 and 16 has really detrimental long term effects. For obvious reasons loosing your close knit community during that age is difficult. Here in NYC because of school choice kids can go across town for Junior high and then to a totally different location with no one they know for High School. In addition to the (unhealthy, I think) stress of applications, etc I do wonder if it would have the same negative outcomes. Maybe that's just common practice everywhere now? Where I grew up Jr High was everyone you went to Elementary school with and then three other elementary schools. High school was everyone from your Jr High. I def went from Kindergarten through Graduation with many of the same people.

In my circles everyone believes social media is the cause of teenagers mental health problems - which I believe. But I also think kids having so much less freedom contributes. Its tricky in NYC - as I can't send my kids out to their neighbors backyard - but I try to give the girls freedom as much as possible. Baby boys only four but unless his personality changes I think it will be even more difficult to give him freedom.

Here's to hoping Biden drops out in the next few days. Let's all buy the man a drink, give him a big thank you and let him live out his days in peace. Job well done. Lots of room for improvement but overall A+ in my book.

[accio-victuuri]

Sugar Rush : July 2023 CPNs 🫶🏼

and so I have decided to shift the candy recap into a monthly release cause it’s too heavy for me to do the 6 months like i’ve been doing for the past years. I also thought about enjoying the last days of the year instead of stressing over editing the post like before. It will also ( hopefully ) make the readers appreciate every month more and not be too overwhelmed by the information. tho i have to say, there were a lot that happened tor July too.

enjoy the candies or catch up! ^^

• XZS vlog candies and sharing same brands

• HK newspapers featured them attending the Bay Area Film Concert

• WYB giving us a sign for Yuguyao airing with his pokemon shirt ( part one )

• Shiying and XZ said the same thing? & XZ hinted with ‘don’t say so much’ ( part two )

• Yuguyao ( the longest promise ) related CPNs part three

• YIBO and XZS posting so close to each other @ 7/4/2023 and the 18 hint

• THEM PLAYING WITH THEIR LONG HAIR LIKE THAT ☺️☺️☺️☺️

• Ruxi interview clues with XZ ( part four )

• Another bottled joy CPN

• Yuguyao sweets part V ( double standards & similarities )

• Sending each other voice message / video during CQL filming 💕

• XZ prefers shi ying x baili?

• Most likely paying some entertainment accounts to post rational advice for fans

• the use of 🤷🏻‍♀️ gesture

• feeding the dumpling 🥟

• small candies from one and only universal studios resort event

• Clues from XZS 7/11 video bts from 2021 birthday photoshoot

• Another example of posting so close from each other

• yuguyao sweets part 6 and other things

• XZ once again shows off his card phonecase

• XZ and his preference for a stable relationship

• Wang Chuanjun holds dandan doll

• Entertainment circle connections

• XZ said he does not know if he & WYB are good friends 😂😂😂😂

• Another Bottled Joy clue

• Shiying x Xieyun on HS

• Similarity between XZS and YBO - this is not anything new because we have always been thinking that these studios have a connection. But this comes after the alleged exit of LRLG in YBO team. So cpfs are happy to see this again. Tho it does not confirm anything.

• doge + puppy preference

• In some screening previews of One and Only in theaters, XZ’s tsingtao short film ad was shown

• not CPN, but turtles taking over YH family concert and showing support 💛💛💛

• WYB looking at light signs @ YH concert 🧡

• Bottled Joy continues to not give AF and show their cpf bias

• Givenchy jumpsuits

• Video of the on the last day of shoot and XZ telling WYB he lost his chance but Bobo said he still has it

• Yibo knows about zodiacs/horoscopes + Leo x Libra compatibility reading from 2021

• CPN mix : reading about themselves on the internet, GG spending time with sick yibo, KXZ cue One and Only (?) Da Peng and 10:05

• Influx of new BXGs in the BJYX ST and GG changing his schedule when WYB was out sick

• Chen Shuo’s room includes KXZ movie projector

• XZS and YBO back at it again with their similarities

• A new clue in the BAH rumor ( massage parlor )

• Da bao and Xiao bao in Douyin

• Drawing detail in Ultraman Chen Shuo drawing + the posting time is 22:30 ( ai ai zan ) and on his cheeks is W and a heart. Again, we don’t know if the “cpf” friendly people are back on YBO team but nonetheless, we are enjoying this.

• Adding this here from the recent fake rumor posted 7/31/23. The summary is buying a green bag and it will be used. So we’re just waiting for either one of them to be seen with that lol. WYB is know for his black or that camo palace bag plus chanel. ZZ is mostly Gucci and Tod’s so i think it will be easy to spot.

That is all for this month! As with all my other recaps, it is impossible for me to add every single one. Most ( if not all ) of these are ones heavily talked about in the cpf circle. Please do not ask me to add things, I won’t do it. If there is a CPN that spoke to you for the month of July, that’s not on here then feel free to reply or reblog with your thoughts. This not an avenue to nitpick this post and say i forgot this or that. Thank you.

[babyyweebbitch]

Can i request Vi (Arcane) x overworked female reader?

I go to two schools (one is a music school)

Both schools give a huge amount of homework, the piano teacher is very demanding, I have a piano exam soon (which I don't know if I'll take because I can't remember so many given musical notes) and I also have my high school. I think I'll drop out of one of the schools for my own sanity.

I’m a crying, stressed out and simply tired mess and i feel like i’m losing control. The worst feeling ever🥲

Hug me please 😫

omg baby i’m so sorry! :( that’s a shit ton of stress and honestly i feel u with the stress! im currently very stressed out too and i hope things get better for u :) HERES A HUG

content warning : female reader , crying , stress

you were a collage student, currently in your second year of collage plus you also had a good paying job you worked at after school. the schedule was you go to school and mid day you left to go to work. that’s how it’s been since you got this job three years ago. recently there was an exam happening and you had to study during your breaks at work.

you recently got a new boss who has been an absolute asshole to you and a few other people and they’ve been working you like a dog. they changed your hours so you had to go home later leaving you barely any time to study and sleep. now your schedule was all fucked up… Vi noticed and has tried to help you but you always say you got it and that you didn’t need any help. she didn’t buy it honestly

it was getting closer and closer to exams and everything was getting to be too much. during one of your days off from work you studied all morning and part of the afternoon at your desk in yours and Vi’s shared room. she was sitting on the bed with her headphones in scrolling through social media. your phone vibrated and you glanced at it… it was your boss

‘i need you to come in for work today, in about 20 minutes please’ the text read. you don’t know why but reading that made you tear up, you started crying… no, sobbing. you placed your head on your desk and sobbed. vi moved her phone a bit to check on you and saw you sobbing at your desk. she immediately jumped up

“baby?! baby, what’s wrong?!” she asked, going over to you. she rubbed your back and you reached over to hug her, very tightly and just cried into her shoulder. she rubbed you back and she picked you up, carrying you to the bed “cupcake…”

“t…this is too much! vi…. i ca…i cant!” you said through cries. you gripped onto her shirt, she sushed you and held onto you

“i know…. i know — it’s alot…” she said in a soft voice, holding you until you were calmed down. after you calmed down you sat up and looked around “why don’t you take a b—“

“i gotta go to work! fuck!” you said, trying to stand up to get ready but she grabbed your arm. you looked at her and she tilted her head to the side. without saying a word you knew what she was trying to say “Vi i can’t”

“please…. you have too, it’s not good on your body”

“they will fire me…”

“fuck ‘em…. baby, if you take on anymore stress it will cause damage to your body. you’re already getting headaches and i can tell your hands are sore”

“how did you know about the headaches…”

“i saw the three bottles of Tylenol in the garbage when i went to take it out this morning”

you sighed and sat back down on the bed. you looked down

“and taking that much is gonna fuck up your body too”

“what do i tell them…”

“quit… find a new job — i’ll start charging more for my fights until you’re done for the summer”

“but the apartment…”

“we both have enough money to pay for it, plus the fights — i get alot for them. baby we will be fine for a few months” she said “i’ll even text ‘em for you!” she said, going to get your phone and unlocking it. she started typing away at your phone and you realised you’re trusting Vi to text your soon to be ex-boss

“please don’t be mean…”

she paused for a second…. then you heard her erasing the message

“Vi!”

“what?! you’re trusting me to do this for you!” she said in a joking tone. you laughed before snatching the phone from her and typing away. she placed her head on your shoulder to see what you were typing as you did. once you were done you placed your phone down and vi smiled. she stood up and started to get you clean clothes and went to the bathroom. you got up to follow her and see what she was doing — especially with your clothes

“whatcha doing?”

“starting a bath — for you! you deserve it” she said, starting to run a bath for you. she did everything the way you liked it and was surprised she got everything right, she’s only ever watched you do it so she decided to try. she helped you undress and get into the bath. she started helping you get clean and she hummed as she did.

the entire time you didn’t talk but the silence between you two was very calming to the both of you.

this isn’t the best but i hope u like it :)

[hyenahunt]

Rouge & Ruby: February's Situation - 2

Writer: Umeda Chitose

Season: Winter

Characters: Hiyori, Jun, Nagisa, Ibara

Proofreading: royalquintet (JP) & Skyress (ENG)

Translation: Mirei (Adam) & hyenahunt (Eve)

Hiyori: I can't believe Jun and Ibara would leave us out of this, Nagisa-kun. This is a dire situation on our hands. How deeply upsetting it is for them to be hiding things from us...!

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Hiyori: Ahh, wasn't that fun! Getting to talk and sing together as the four of us is truly the best!

I gain a sense of fulfilment from working as Eden that I just can't get anywhere else... ♫

Jun: I thought we got some pretty good shots too, but you're crazy hyped about it, Ohii-san.

Hiyori: Well, that's because working as the four of us is just so fun, no?

So I simply wanted to do as much as possible. After all, we've had way too much separate work as Adam and Eve since the new year began!

Jun: I agree with you there, Ohii-san. I mean, I'll be doing location shooting with you both tomorrow and the day after that...

Hiyori: What's that? Are you complaining about shooting with me?

Jun: No, dude, I was just going along with what you said about having too much work in separate units?

Don't take it out on me just 'cause you're getting stressed out lately, 'kay~?

Hiyori: Hmph, it's all on Ibara for filling up our schedules with nary a word of explanation!

I'm sure he's got something in mind, but he hasn't explained a thing to us, though? Terrible weather, the way things are going!

Nagisa: … Fufu. Hiyori-kun is saying the same thing I said.

Hiyori: Eh?

Nagisa: … On our way to the TV station, I also asked Ibara what plans he had.

Hiyori: Ooh, is that so? Heheh, no matter how far apart we are, Nagisa-kun, we truly have a telepathic connection... ♪

Nagisa: … Yes, it really is telepathy.

Hiyori & Nagisa: … ☆ (they high five)

Jun: (whispers) Hey, c'mon. Our seniors started having a lil' gigglefest on their own, so what're you doing staying all silent, huh?

Ibara: (whispers) Oh no, I was simply warmly watching their beautiful friendship blossom… ♪⁠

Jun: That's a lie if I've ever heard one... It's 'cause you'll get dragged in if you say the wrong thing, so that's why you're just watching on, aren'tcha?

Ibara: I felt that it would have been insensitive of me to interrupt a conversation between His Highness and Jun, or between His Highness and His Excellency…

Ibara: They also haven't directly demanded an explanation from me, I saw no reason to insert myself into the talk.

Hiyori: And I'll have you know that's absolutely unforgivable!

The only reason I haven't demanded anything yet is because I've held myself back while suspecting something is up. In fact, I've been bursting to ask for an explanation!

Ibara: … Even if you say that, it is quite distracting for you to say that whilst continuing to hold hands after that high five. But I suppose I appreciate the consideration.

Besides, I was waiting to explain after you demand it… or more like, I’m thinking of explaining it once I manage to create enough foundation for the plan.

If it were something that only I know, I would rather take my time and proceed at my own pace. It would be much more convenient for me to keep it to myself.

Nagisa: … But back in the car, you said you'd talk about it when Eden is gathered. We can't do it now?

Hiyori: You said that, did you? Well, out with it, then, now that you've got all four of us gathered here.

Ibara: Not that we cannot, just not here.

I can’t bring out confidential documents here, and we also can’t occupy the dressing room for too long. Not to mention, we haven’t even changed our clothes.

Nagisa: … That's fair. We should change our clothes first, Hiyori-kun.

Hiyori: Mmm, you're right. I certainly got carried away, but I can't stay in this outfit forever.

Jun: (In the middle of changing) ...Actually, I think I've got a pretty good guess of what Ibara's explanation gonna be.

Ibara: You do?

Jun: Yeah. It's probably related to Chocolat Fes, I think. Over the new year, he said he'd slowly share the details with us.

Hiyori: ?

Ibara: … Ah, is it when we met on New Year’s? Now that you mention it, I do believe I said that.

Nagisa: ?

Hiyori: What's that? I had no idea of this! Just when did the two of you start keeping secrets from us?

I can't believe Jun and Ibara would leave us out of this, Nagisa-kun. This is a dire situation on our hands. How deeply upsetting it is for them to be hiding things from us...!

Nagisa: … I don’t think they are trying to exclude us from it, but if Hiyori-kun feels sad, then so do I.

… Ibara, can you explain?

Ibara: (whispers) …This is your fault, Jun. I already tried to delay their curiosity so I can talk about it at a time that suits me.

Jun: (whispers) Hey, you didn't try to hide it either, y'know? Don't pin all the blame on me, alright~?

Ibara: … Even if I’m asked to explain now, as I’ve said before, this is not a good place to talk about it.

I'lll set up a proper opportunity for us, so let's meet at the agency at a later date.

Nagisa: … It's fine as long as Ibara informs us of the schedule later. However, what I wanted to ask was what happened on New Year's.

Jun: Honestly, nothing special happened.

I went for a run on New Year's, and noticed that the lights on the eighteenth floor of the ES building were on.

I wondered what was up, and when I went to check it out, it turned out Ibara was working there. We just had a little chat after that.

Hiyori: You went training on the day after SS, hm? Jun-kun, you truly never change. That goes for you, too, Ibara — to think you were working on New Year's Day!

Nagisa: … I understand that both of you are very strict with yourselves, but I would prefer it if you both take a break, too.

Ibara: There is no need for concern, Your Excellency. I also take efforts to get proper rest, after all.

Jun: Or so he says, but he's been hammering away on his keyboard since New Year's.

...Ah, was it 'cause—

Filming for COMP started right after New Year's, so you've been slaving away at preparations since then?

Hiyori: Ahh... It was a rather sudden shoot, and I did wonder just when you even made the preparations for it. So while the rest of the world was enjoying their New Year's break, you’ve been working behind the scenes, Ibara?

Jun: He did complain it was a pretty sloppy project, so it makes sense to me why he was so ready to give up his break for it.

Nagisa: … You were working on many things, Ibara. But there was also talk about "Chocolat Fes" right?

… Does it mean there is a connection between the preparations that are still underway and the state of my activities?

Ibara: Argh, enough, too many questions! Whatever you may think of me, you are free to interpret things as you like.

Besides, I already said that I'll explain it all another day, alright? No more questions! No more!

Come on now, get changed quickly and leave this place immediately! I’ve already arranged the return car ride, so don't be too slow!

[ ☆ ]

✦✦✦✦✦

← prev ✦ all ✦ next →

[persimmonsimmer]

Too much real life

*waves*

It’s time for yet another of my patented where-I’ve-been-for-the-past-several-months posts. *throws confetti*

As the title says, real life has been happening. Basically, for the past several months I’ve been job hunting and house hunting* while also working my full-time job.

* Do I recommend this particular combo in any way, shape, or form? NO. No no no absolutely not, no. Don’t be like me; save yourself the stress and anxiety and just DON’T.

Enough said, right?!!

Yeah, probably, but I do love to ramble on, so . . .

The stress from that project I mentioned finally died down a few weeks ago when the project was wrapping up, but it was kind of a nightmare all the way to the finish line, lol. But that’s not why I left my old job; in spite of the not-infrequent nightmare projects, I liked the people I worked with and was very comfortable there. Without getting too specific, I felt I needed other kinds of experience in order to keep moving forward in my career. I did eventually find a new job that seems like it’s just what I was looking for, but while my job search is now over, I still don’t find myself with much time (or mental energy) for simming. I’ve jumped from the frying pan into . . . well, if not quite the fire, then another frying pan. I’m hoping that’ll change once I’m more settled into the new job, but I’m not at that point yet and I’m not sure when I will be. It sucks ‘cause I’m really, really starting to crave the comfort of a good sim session!

And then there’s the house. Yep, my partner and I somehow managed to buy a little house that should be perfect for our needs. But while it’s totally livable, it’s also horribly ugly. So on top of everything, I’m going to be moving and starting the long and slow process of DIYing some basic remodeling.** I’d be more excited about it (buying a house and turning it into my own space has been the #1 goal of my adulthood) if only I wasn’t scared out of my wits. :’)

** Oh to be a sim: To buy a starter home for $20,000, move in the same day, remodel and furnish it to your heart’s desire in the blink of an eye, and then carpool to your first day at a job in your dream career that you picked out of the newspaper that very same morning! T_T T_T T_T

Anyway, that’s the update. And I know it’s good news, really, so the last thing I want is to sound like I’m seriously complaining. I’m very lucky; I’m also very overwhelmed. That said, I think the worst is behind me, and I’m hoping to regain some semblance of normality soon. And when I do, even if it’s not quite as soon as I’d like, I’ll be back!

PS: I apologize if my silly little April Fools’ post made anyone think my return was imminent. I forgot I had that scheduled. xD One thing from that post stands, though: I’m very much looking forward to returning to Panorama for round 6--when I can.

:)

[bottlecaprabbitgames]

Weekly Update for 15th May, 2023

BOY IS THERE SOME NEWS. THERE SURE IS. OOF.

Mind Games: Trepidation

So! MG:T!

I have Scene 1-3 rough drafted, yay! I also have almost all of Scene 1 fully fleshed out, I am just missing an interaction branch (Iri's), and an experimental flavor text at the very end of the scene I'm debating about how I want it to go. Chapter 7 is at nearly 11,000 words thus far!

I'd like to do a Scene 1-2 update as a partial update this month, if I can buckle down and focus, but that's been tough lately. There's a LOT going on, which we'll be getting into.

I'm not gonna lie, a LOT of changes are coming IRL for me. I put in my two week notice on Saturday, and I'm starting a new job at the end of May, at a new hotel. I'll be up during the daytime hours, which will hopefully help with my weight loss and general well-being overall.

I am hoping to shift my writing schedule to be before I go to work in the afternoon and after I exercise in the mornings when this new job comes. We're kind of just touch and go for how that'll be when it all is said and done.

I won't lie, I didn't get nearly as much as I wanted done this week. There's a lot of stress and highs n lows going on right now, and it actually caused my mental health to tank on Thursday and for whatever is going on with my body to flare up to the point I had to call out of work. On top of my mental health not doing great, my mom has an infection around her wound (thankfully nothing serious), but while it's only mild it is causing her more pain as we have to dry pack the wound now, when we've been doing damp packing this entire time. And trying to get my appointments set up and figure everything out has been... extremely stressful.

On top of that, I am now contending with two new potential diagnoses; my rhuematologist is thinking I have an autoimmune disease affecting my skin, and he thinks I don't have arthritis, but instead my hypermobility in my joints has, over time, wore down my nerves until they were extremely sensitive, and that has lead to fibromyalgia. Still nothing conclusive, I have to get setup to go to the hospital at some point this week to get a bunch of x-rays done, which fucking sucks but it is what it is.

With all the changes and me smartening up to realizing what my situation actually is, I think I'm gonna decide against going to college for now. I mean, I don't even have a car yet, I still need all that fucking dental work done which is going to take a LOT of healing when it comes up, and I'm trying to get healthier so my health won't be so shit. That all alone is SO MUCH to do at once I feel like, and I don't think I can take all of it + college + a full time job when I'm still in a pretty stressful home environment, where I don't ever fucking know what a new day's gonna bring.

Short story: Cy is trying to get their life together so we're gonna be focusing on building a rigorous routine, healthier habits, and hopefully, it'll all work out.

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Ch 30

CHAPTER 30: Every Line in our Hands

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Notes: Maya makes a decision....

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Rating: M (sexual scenes/sexual assault in prior chapters)

Status: Complete

Note: I haven't given it one final read-through but I wanted to post it as soon as possible. I'll probably be doing edits late in the day today or throughout the week when I finally have time. Sorry!

Warnings: a LOT of feels, talk of therapy, talk of assault

**********

- Jimin's Apartment -

I needed a break from my phone. Since arriving in Seoul a few days ago, I had been having the worst of luck. Because I hadn’t planned to be back in the country for a few more weeks, it had been a hassle getting things settled with the banks. I was usually better prepared when I traveled, but all of this had been so last minute.

It sucked having to quarantine in a home that wasn’t mine. However, I was grateful to Jimin for lending me his house for the time being. My apartment wasn’t ready, so Jimin had been my only hope. He wasn’t scheduled to get back to town for a couple more weeks. I have no idea where I would be crashing after that, but that was something I could worry about later.

Right now, I only had the energy to stress about money. And food.

I had finished almost everything edible in Jimin’s kitchen. I was running out of resources and needed the damn banks to allow me access to my accounts. Of course, they wanted me to be there in person, but it was difficult to do so in the middle of a mandatory 10-day quarantine. After landing in Seoul, which by some miracle no one leaked to the media, I came straight to Jimin’s house, tested, and was told to stay until I was cleared.

Asking for favors was not easy for me and I had asked enough of Jimin already. Messaging him about needing him to use his own funds to get me food had been embarrassing. He said he would have things delivered to me by the morning. I would just have to hold tight for the night.

My stress was causing great strain and the only thing I could think to calm myself was to set my phone down and do something else. I read a book, listened to music, and finally decided to take a long bath. I had kept my phone away on purpose.

And that had been a bad idea.

Had I kept my phone next to me, I would have gotten a heads-up from Jimin.

But I hadn’t. And now I was staring at a perfectly chiseled Adonis, at a loss for words.

This had not been part of the plan.

His splendor made me stop in my tracks as I exited Jimin’s room after showering. My eyes took in his face. His leveled, smoothed nose, his heavy-lidded eyes, and round, luscious lips couldn’t look more perfect. His jaw was set, his eyes round in an almost-wondered look.

The sudden realization that I hadn’t seen him in a month was physically catching up to me. My legs wanted to run to him. My arms wanted to wrap themselves around his shoulders. My lips wanted to claim his. My soul had missed him, but so had my body. And it was needing to make contact. It was craving him.

“What are you doing here?” he suddenly asked, his eyes glaring at me now.

I had never seen his face switch so quickly. One moment he looked too stunned to speak and the next he was looking at me like some bug he wanted to squash.

But rather than react sadly to hearing his tone, my body seemed to melt. My ears had also missed the deep timbre of his voice. Even if it had some venom in it.

“You were just gonna come back to town and not even call?” Namjoon demanded. His words began to make snap me out of my hypnotism. “You’ve ignored all my messages, so it shouldn’t surprise me you want to physically avoid me.”

My brain caught up and my body finally caught up. My mouth opened to speak, but I was silenced before I could even start.

Namjoon continued with his anger. Continued voicing his hurt. “Do you have any idea how shitty that feels? I calledyou, messaged you. I fucking sounded like a goddamn dog begging for forgiveness. And you couldn’t even bother giving me a response? You contacted Jimin right away but not me? Am I unworthy?”

His thinking or saying that he was unworthy of anything ripped something inside. I finally spoke. “I wanted to wait until my quarantine was over. I’m stuck here for 10 days. If I were to have called you, I would have immediately wanted to see you—and I can’t. There’s a mandate.”

He shakes his head. His eyes are looking at me, but he doesn’t see me. It’s like he’s looking at a stranger who’s feeding him lies.

“Ask my Tia Jia,” I said desperately, needing him to believe me. “My quarantine is up in a few days. After, I was going to call you so we could meet.”

“She’ll lie for you,” he accused.

“Then ask Yoongi. I told him I was going to call you first thing after I got the green light.”

He snickered, the glare in his eyes still there. “Of course, you still communicate with Yoongi. You tell me him more than you tell me.”

He was so full of anger that he wasn’t seeing things clearly. He was putting up walls. It was a defense mechanism, I knew it. I needed to keep my calm, make him see. “No one knows me the way you know me, Namjoon,” I said gently, hoping he recognized this was true.

My calmness wasn’t having the effect I wanted to have on him. He didn’t want me calm. But he wanted me to meet his energy.

“Except those other guys who slid inside you like I did that night. They know you like I know you,” he said without thinking, going for the jugular. Needing me hurt the way he was hurting.

His eyes went wide with horror as soon as the words left his mouth. Instant regret.

But the words couldn’t be sucked back in. They were in the air, shooting straight at me like daggers. And they hurt me exactly the way he intended.

I took in a sharp breath, feeling the blades cut right through my skin and hit my chest.

I turned away, feeling the tears sting my eyes. My body reacted like it always did at being wounded, it recoiled. My feet took some towards Jimin’s room. I couldn’t lose it in front of him.

But he was faster. His body blocked me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I—I’m a fucking idiot.” His voice was strained. “Maya, I am so sorry. I don’t know why I said it. I was wrong.”

My feet moved back, keeping my body safe from his.

“I am so sorry. I’m a fucking prick.” He went down to his knees, his face twisted in remorse. He got on the ground, bowing down and pleading. “Please.”

Hot tears came streaming down as I spoke. “I wasn’t with you for the sex. No one knows me like you—emotionally. No one makes me feel the way you do. I felt safe around you, but then…when you said that—” A sob came out as I remembered.

Walking down the halls barefoot with only my skirt and top.

Tears had smeared off my makeup. I looked like a goddamn wreck. My shoes and undergarments had been left behind. Security both gawked at me and looked away in shame.

Humiliation of a slut.

“I’m sorry; I’m sorry,” he repeated, his head bowing as low as it could.

I took breaths to get ahold of myself. “This is why it’s difficult to let someone in. Because when I do, they have ammunition to use against me. They know what to say, what information to use to belittle me.” It felt so foreign to be this honest with him; it was uncomfortable. But I forced myself to feel the discomfort. “No one’s ever known me the way you have. Every time I’m with you, you reveal some knowledge you have of me that no one has ever noticed about it. It makes me feel so naked. I hated it.”

His head remained on the ground, his body slightly shaking from his own sobs.

Unlike seeing my mother in a state of disarray, I’m fully moved by seeing Namjoon like this. Seeing his regret made me want to immediately give in and forgive him.

But I shouldn’t. I needed to be smart about all of this. It was not ok what he had said to me. Both times.

“Why did you say it?” I demanded.

“I don’t know," he answered with his head still down.

No, I wasn't going to accept that. “You must know. As you said, it’s been a month. You’re telling me you haven’t thought about why you said it all this time?”

He calmed himself and then lifted his head, his eyes meeting mine. “It was out of anger.”

“You wanted to hurt me?”

“Yes.” He looked at me with pain in his eyes. “When I said it that night, it was because I thought I meant nothing to you. It made me angry and I wanted to hurt you. I remember what your exes used to say to you and it slipped. This time, the same thing happened. I felt you cared more for Yoongi and Jimin—feels like I’m not high on your list.”

To think he would stoop so low and try to damage me—on purpose—the same way my exes had ripped something in me. I never would have thought Namjoon to be someone so…normal. Such a human quality to be imperfect.

“I need to know," I forced myself to say. I didn't want to continue this talk. I was feeling so much, but I knew I had to continue. "You have to be honest. Do you have a problem with my sexual past?”

He shook his head, his face serious and steady. “No. You have a past and I would be foolish and selfish to not want you to have one. What I’ve always cared about is how you treat and see me. That's where all the anger came from, I swear.”

I understood. He had been an ass for saying it—twice—but anger was something I could easily understand.

He hung his head again and apologized once more. He was clearly remorseful.

However, I needed to set boundaries. I needed to stand up for myself. “When I open up to you, I expect you not to throw it back at me. It will only make me pull away from you.”

He sat back up and nodded. His face was flushed, tears still coming down. He apologized again.

“I appreciate the apology,” I said genuinely. I turned towards the couch. “Let’s sit down. You’re gonna hurt your knees.” I didn’t wait for his response and went towards the couch.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him get up and walk toward the empty chair. I wasn’t sure if it was because of his presence or due to feeling a sudden chill, but I shivered. Either reason was valid for my body reacting that way. I looked around for the hoodie I had been using in quarantine. I found it on the chair that Namjoon was starting to descend on. Before I could ask if he could hand it over, I noticed something about it.

It was his.

Of course, I knew it was his hoodie I had been wearing. He had left it in LA and I had used it several times since our breakup. However, wearing it in front of him wasn't appropriate.

I tried not to disguise the fact that I was looking for something, pretending it was the blanket on the couch I had been looking for. However, it was no use. He had noticed. His eyes went to the hoodie behind him and a slightly embarrassed look spread across his face.

However, even though he looked awkward, he still reached for it. “You can—”

Grabbing the blanket, I made sure to be extra noise in wrapping it around me, draining out his words. Thankfully, he was quick to catch onto what I was doing and shut up.

As I turned to him, I noticed we were a little too close. And even though my body wanted to get closer to him than I already was, my brain reminded me of the mandate. I was already breaking so many laws with Namjoon being here, I at least wanted to make sure we followed the six feet rule.

After a few moments of silence, Namjoon opened his mouth, ready to start the talk but I cut him off. “Let me start.”

He nodded and kept silent.

Meeting his eyes, I said some words I wanted to say that night. “I need to apologize as well.”

His eyes stayed on me and said nothing.

I took a breath and started what I had set out to do after walking out of Sihyuk’s house about a week ago. “You told me multiple times what you wanted from the relationship—you were very clear. You wanted transparency and I didn’t give you that. I was wrong for how I behaved. For keeping our relationship a secret from my family. I recognize I was dismissive of your emotions. I am very sorry for that.”

He nodded, accepting my apology, but he needed more words from me. “Why did you want to keep me a secret from them? It felt like I was this dirty little secret. I’ll be honest, these last few weeks, the thought that you might have someone on the side came to mind.”

I shook my head, appalled. “I never—”

“I know,” he cut me off. “You would never do something like that. It was a thought that came to mind several times. I want to be fully honest about it. My head went into some pretty dark places these last few weeks. My opinion of you wasn’t very good.”

Guilt stabbed at my chest. I knew he was being with these words. “I’m sorry.”

“Can I know why you refused to tell your family?” He did his best not to sound hurt.

But I knew Namjoon well enough to hear it. “I genuinely thought that not telling my brothers had been an oversight, but after talking to Dr. Rob, I see things differently now.”

He looked a bit shocked. “You’re seeing your therapist again?”

I nodded. “After that night, I kind of had a breakdown. Similar to years ago when I was in the middle of an anxiety attack. After a few days, I knew I needed help. Dr. Rob has been helping me figure some things out—find out why I’ve had this wall up with you.” Using the blanket as a guard, I tugged it tighter around my body as I felt my anxiety start spiking. “I learned that me keeping you at a distance stems from childhood trauma.”

I went on to explain what I had discovered with Dr. Rob. I went into a little more detail about what I witnessed as a kid with my parents. Made the connection that the toxic relationship I grew up watching damaged my trust in a partner. Boyfriends, to me, were a tainted category.

“I didn’t tell my parents about us at first because I don’t have a close relationship with them. I might talk to them on a weekly basis, but it’s always short and I never share anything meaningful. Plus, I’m sure my mother’s ability to taint anything I care about had something to do with it. Not telling her kept you safe for me. I can easily see her make a comment about how wrong I am for you. She did it several times with Jerry. I didn’t want her doing that with you.”

Namjoon’s face was calm, but his eyes were very loud about how he felt about hearing this.

“And I think there are a few reasons why I didn’t tell my brothers. One of them was because it would make us more real. Which increased the possibility of you leaving. And that scared me.” The abandonment issues I didn’t know I had started to resurface. Now that I could identify the feeling, I took notice of it quickly. “The only guys who stuck around were the bad ones.”

“Jerry was willing to stick around,” he pointed out immediately. “And he was great.”

“But he didn’t really know me. I kept a lot of things from him. And the things I did tell him, he dismissed,” I countered back.

“But I do and I want to be with you,” he said without hesitation.

My heart ached for multiple reasons. “Which makes you more dangerous. It’s a double-edged sword.”

“I know I fucked up. And I am more than willing to ask for forgiveness every day—”

I cut him off. “No. I know you regret it and know you mean your apology. I forgive you. I don’t want it to become something that hangs over us. I’m still hurt by it, but it won’t last.”

He gave a slight nod. After a quiet moment, he spoke up. “I really don’t want to push you away. But I want to be let in. And I want to know that you’ll allow me in.”

I held onto his eyes, noticing how pleading they looked. I had to be honest. I couldn’t sugarcoat this. “It’s gonna be tough for me. Letting someone in is not easy. The last people I let in and depended on ended up fucking me up. I put a wall up for survival and it’s been hard bringing it down. I’ve always been aware of the wall’s presence and I’ve never minded it. But with you, I mind. I don’t want to keep you out. Even if my fight or flight instincts are screaming at me.”

He looked away, seeming to think about something.

It was a look I had seen far too often, especially more toward the end of our relationship. He was holding back. And like always, I wanted to know what was on his mind. “What? Tell me.” I braced myself for whatever he was about to say.

He didn’t meet my eyes but answered my question. “When we fought that one night—not the very last one, but the one when you almost left in the middle of the night…?”

“Yeah…?”

“You were reliving something….”

I thought back, trying to recall that night.

“Your anxiety kicked in…”

I remembered. “Mm-hmmm.”

“What was it?” There was a slight look of reluctance like he was afraid to ask. Afraid of my reaction. Afraid I might not answer.

I had told him I wanted to let him in, now I had to prove it. “A fight between my parents.”

His facial features relaxed a bit. “What was it about what I did that triggered the memory?”

The image of his fiery brown eyes crossed my mind. Eyes that were always so warm when I looked into them had been icy that night. “Your anger. You’ve gotten mad at me before, but that look…that was real anger towards me.” My eyes stayed on his as I told him what I discovered with Dr. Rob. “I know you’re nothing like my parents. But that night emotions were already escalating. My feelings for you were getting more intense. Internally, I was fighting with my defenses. I wanted to let you in and I also wanted to keep you away. Sadly, the wall won that night. The image of my parents fighting pushed me to keep it up. Not to mention that I’ve had prior relationships that around the four-month period, their demeanor changed. The thought did cross my mind that you were going to turn into one of them.”

He thought for a long moment, considering my words. He looked down at his feet, which were joined. He moved his feet a bit, thinking.

“What?” I asked, knowing he was hesitating in asking something serious.

He didn’t meet my eyes but did speak up. “I thought you might have been reliving something else that night.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Something you haven’t been able to tell me. Something you’re keeping secret.” The cocoa browns that pulled so many feelings out of me came up. “There’s something I want to know. I’ve been holding back in asking because I’ve never wanted to push you to tell me anything you’re not ready to. But it’s gotten to the point where I keep imagining the absolute worst.” A stream of tears began to come down as he braved himself. “What happened to you that caused the anxiety attack years ago?”

Another difficult hurdle had come. Tears were also coming out of me and I took a few breaths to get myself under control. “I want to share everything with you, Namjoon. But some things are difficult to talk about. Some things that,” flashes of the scariest moments of my life came to the forefront, threatening to suck me in. The bulwark I had built since childhood stood tall and strong, though, keeping the old memories at a distance. That fucking wall was my protector just as much as it was my poison. “I don’t want to ever relive,” I finished as I caught on to my words again. “There are some things I suppressed and can’t remember. There are other memories I wish I could forget.”

He cut me off, a look full of concern as he witnessed my state. “I don’t want you to relive something that is going to do more damage. I don’t want you to have to dig in too deep that you get lost.” The tears coming down from him were probably thicker than mine. “I just wanted to help you. It seemed like there was something you were going through and I wanted to comfort you. Especially since you weren’t seeing your therapist anymore.”

I nodded, agreeing with him wholeheartedly. “I shouldn’t have stopped therapy. I should have continued it. I thought I had a handle on things, but I didn’t.” I took a breath and finally said the words I had practiced so much with Dr. Rob. “I wasn’t prepared before in letting a significant other in. But I want to. I want to let you in. And I promise that I am working on it and will continue to work on it. I will tell you in more detail about what happened, but I won’t tell you everything this time.”

He waited patiently. “Whatever you want to tell me. And whatever you don’t or can’t, that’s ok with me, too. As long as you’re getting help is what matters.”

******Tugging the blanket around me, I finally told him. “Around the time my contract was about to expire, I was to have a meeting with some executives and Ky was supposed to be there. However, things happened and Ky couldn’t be there and neither could some of the executives. Only one of them met with me. The meeting started ok, but somehow it turned into a nightmare. The executive made comments that hinted at me doing him sexual favors in exchange for a better contract. It was surreal at first; I thought it was some joke. But then he walked over to me. He got too close. I froze. I felt my shirt come undone.”*******

I took the chance of stealing a look at Namjoon, wondering how he was taking this.

His face was expressionless. He kept his eyes on me with no hint of anger or pain. I let out a breath, relieved. It was something I feared a little. Namjoon had always been one to control his emotions, always relying on his head. But there was always the possibility of his emotions getting the best of him. I knew if he did lose control, I would focus on him rather than myself.

I was about to continue but then I noticed his fists. They were clenched. His arms tightened. He was angry, I could feel it now.

I instantly began to worry about him.

“What then, babe?” Namjoon said, pulling my focus away. “Don’t focus on me. Go on.” He had caught my stare.

I took a breath and continued to speak about my assault. I didn’t give him too many details, still not feeling ready to tell him everything. He sat still and listened. I told him about my talk with my mother and when I got a bit emotional, he made a move to move toward me.

With a shake of the head, I pleaded him to stay where he was. “If you hug me, I’ll come apart. And I want to get through this.”

He respected this and stayed in his seat. However, he did lean forward, looking ready to rush to my side as soon as I gave him the go-ahead.

A good while later, I was certain I had shared as much as I could about my trauma. I shed many tears, but I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would.

Looking out the window, I could only imagine what time it was. It was pitch black. This had taken a lot longer than I thought.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I bet it wasn’t easy,” he said genuinely, a look of complete care on his face.

“Thank you for listening,” I responded.

“I like listening to you.” His words moved something in me.

Having just shared so much with him, I felt a shift between us. I felt a shift in myself. The fact that he had sat there for hours listening to me and respecting my boundaries moved something in me. Suddenly, I had the urge to tell him everything; tell him exactly what I thought of him but had been too afraid to share in the past.

“There's more I need to tell you," I said, building up even more courage.

I was certain he could tell I was getting nervous. He offered me one of my favorite smiles. "I'm all ears."

I took a deep breath and began to let my heart pour out. "You are, without a doubt, the best human I know. You’re kind, gentle, resilient, positive, and empathetic. You deserve the goddamn world.” Talking about my admiration for him was making me quite emotional. So emotional that I started to cry. What I felt for Namjoon was not something that I had ever allowed myself to feel. Dr. Rob said that it would take some time to talk openly about this positive emotion without my body physically responding this way.

I was quick to notice how Namjoon shook his head, disagreeing with my view of him.

But I needed him to know how I saw him. “Despite the negativity thrown at you, you keep your composure. You stay collected when it matters most. It’s one of the many reasons why I fell for you.” Looking into his beautiful features, I continued my praises. “And there are so many qualities that made me fall for you—many physical. Like your pout. The pout you make when you mutter to yourself. And how you look when you come out of the shower in all your gloriousperfection.” He blushed wildly at this. But I wasn’t done. “When you chow down your third bowl of noodles, your Adam’s apple bobs in this very sexy way. And my favorite thing about you is how you make me feel happy.” A burst of crazed laughter came out of me, thinking of all the little moments with Namjoon. The last few weeks we had been together, this was one of the emotions I had felt and tried to block: happiness. It was so foreign to me, so I had naturally recoiled from it. However, in the month away from him, I came to find that not feeling happiness was a feeling I did not want.

He took a breath, wiped some tears, and looked directly at me. He opened his mouth, ready to say something.

But I wasn’t done. There was one last thing I needed to tell him. The most important thing I knew I would ever say. “I love you, Kim Namjoon.”

It felt like a breath of fresh air saying it. While it was difficult getting to this point, letting out the words felt good. Felt so right.

My eyes did not sway from his cocoa browns. His body relaxed—he looked relieved.

I was bathing in the happiness of finally saying the words to him but then noticed him getting to his feet. I acted instinctively and got up, wanting to get close to him. However, I remembered I was under quarantine. If I had the virus, he might get sick again. It would mess up his entire schedule. I backed away as he made a reach for him. “Six feet,” I reminded him.

He followed me, a determined look in his eyes. “Fuck the six feet.” He reached out, catching my upper arm and keeping me in place.

“Namjoon—” The air got caught in my lungs as his touch sent thrills throughout my skin. Every cell sang in joy. However, my brain demanded I take back control. I tried to pull away.

His bold and gentle hands came to my face, keeping me. His mystic eyes held my gaze.

My brain and body became mush at that point, giving up the battle. I sighed into his touch.

“Say it again,” his honeyed voice said above a whisper.

I don’t think I could ever deny him anything. “I love you, Kim Namjoon.” My heart fluttered at hearing myself say it.

I was entrusting him with my heart. And as I felt him around me, I was positive he would protect it and me at all costs.

He let out a kind of laugh I had never heard him make. It was high and kind of panty. He sounded a bit delirious. I saw the smile I had been missing for over a month. His eyes squinted as his smile widened. His nose scrunched up a bit, changing the freckled constellations on his beautiful canvas. How had I lasted so long without seeing this expression every day?

“I really missed these,” I said, my fingers reaching up and tracing the cluster of marks around his eyes and nose.

His hands moved down to my middle and tightened around me. His face came down to my neck, his nose hitting the spot between my ear and neck. He took a deep inhale. “I missed you.”

I turned my head towards his own neck, wanting to smell him back. My nose grazed his skin and I breathed in his woodsy scent.

We stayed like that for a long time, until he finally pulled up. His arms stayed around me. “I found out how I felt about you while I was with my last girlfriend,” he said, almost out of nowhere.

My state of happiness made my mind not work fast enough. “Huh?”

He went out to further explain. “I broke up with my ex a year ago because I was falling for you. By the time we were in the backhouse in the soop, I was a goner. I knew that week.” His eyes stayed on me, one of his palms back to stroking my face. “I love you, Mayahuel.”

I never thought my heart would feel ready to combust. Every fiber of my body tingled as small amounts of electricity danced inside my cells. Tears of happiness erupted once again.

More happy pecks were shared.

It started light, but I quickly felt the heat start kicking in. Not wanting Jimin’s house to be the next place we consummated our new relationship, I decided to kid around with him. “Just don’t forget I’m the one who said it first.”

He let out a light laugh. “You might have said it first, but I definitely felt it first. I let you say it first, know that,” he said teasingly, biting my lower lip.

I gave him a light smack. “You really don’t want to turn this into a competition,” I warned. “I probably fell in love with you years ago, I just was suppressing it.”

“You said it was only a crush!”

I shrugged my shoulders. “That’s not the story I’ll be telling everyone,” I said, giving him a playful smile.

“You better play nice or I won’t feed you tomorrow,” he warned. “I know you’re running out of food. I’ll let you starve,” he joked with a flirtatious smile.

Giving him another smack, I let out a pout. “Be nice to me. All I’ve had today has been ramen which was probably five years old. I found it way in the back of some dirty cupboard.”

With that, Namjoon immediately pulled out his phone and ordered multiple dishes from one of my favorite places. He went on to order me groceries that would probably last me a week. He ignored the dozen times I told him he was going overboard.

I openly rolled my eyes at him.

He didn’t answer me; his eyes looking at my arms. We were both now on the couch, waiting on the food. His body and the blanket were providing a nice warmth, but it wasn’t enough for my body. “How are you still cold?” He reached over to grab the hoodie on the chair.

However, I stopped him. “Can I have the one you have on instead?”

“Why?” he asked with a frown, but I didn’t miss how he started to take off his hoodie.

“The other one has lost your smell,” I said honestly. “Plus, this one is already warm.”

He let out a chuckle, the hoodie now off him. He handed it to me gently.

As I put it on, I took in his body. I hadn’t noticed before because Namjoon tended to wear baggy clothes. He rarely put on clothes that rightly fit his frame. But now, without the sweater, I saw how much weight he had lost.

“Namjoon,” I said, concerned.

“What?” he asked, confused by my reaction.

“You look…different.” I wanted to say scrawny, but that wasn’t a nice word to use.

He waved his hand, dismissing it. “It’s not just because of what happened. I was traveling, remember? No time for the gym. Then I ended up being stuck indoors for close to three weeks. I got an appointment to meet with my trainer in a few days.”

I gave a nod, but still couldn’t help but feel guilty for my part in his state.

Namjoon was quick to catch on to my emotions. “Hey,” he said, tipping my chin up to meet his gaze. “No guilt, ok? It was a bad time, but we’re not going back there. We’re looking ahead.”

The next nod I gave was a little more confident.

Then, a chime came on, signaling our delivery had arrived. After retrieving the bags of food, we sat on the floor to eat. I probably shouldn’t be eating this late, but I was starving.

“What are your plans after coming out of quarantine? Can your apartment be ready by the time Jimin gets back?” Namjoon asked as he fed me some of his noodles.

I took them, hungrily. “I’m hoping so. I really hate apartment shopping.”

“Stay with me until it’s ready,” Namjoon immediately offered.

“Are we ready for that?” I asked him honestly.

He thought for a moment. “I want to be, but maybe we aren’t?”

“If you have to ask, then we aren’t. I don’t want to take a step we’re unsure of.”

He nodded and took a big bite from his noodles.

“Where do you want from us?” I asked. “I know you’ve always wanted to share your thoughts but held back. I don’t want to keep you from voicing what you want to say.”

He thought for a moment. “I want a nice dinner with you and my parents. I want to properly introduce you. I’d like to see if it’s at all possible to meet with your aunt Jia and Uncle John, formally. You consider them more like your parents.”

I smiled, thinking his wants were easy to meet. “My aunt and uncle will be here in a few weeks, so that’s easy to make happen.”

He frowned. “They’re coming? What for? Just for a visit?”

“Well, Sihyuk actually invited them. They’ll be visiting for about two weeks.”

“Why does Sihyuk want to meet with them?”

I then told him.

*********

~NAMJOON~

Weeks later….

There was only reason Namjoon had gone to HYBE on his day off was for moral support. Today was the day. And he was positive Maya’s anxiety would be spiking. He had seen her over his place earlier and her nerves were already jittery.

The elevator doors opened to his designated floor. He walked out and headed to the lobby, seeing one man and two women speaking to each other. The man and the older woman were sitting on the couch as the younger woman paced in front of them.

Yeah, her anxiety was spiking, Namjoon thought as he quickened his pace.

They were in such heavy discussion; he was positive they hadn’t heard him.

The couple was the first to notice him. He gave them a smile and polite bow.

Maya’s aunt and uncle got to their feet and greeted Namjoon back.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed Maya had stopped pacing and making her way to him. “What are you doing here?” she asked him. She was trying to hide the feeling of relief.

If her aunt and uncle hadn’t been present, he would have wrapped her in his arms to calm her. However, he had been raised to be a proper, Korean man and kept a proper distance. He got as close as he felt was respectful. “I told you I would meet you here,” he reminded her.

“Yeah, but I thought you meant it would be after the meeting.” He noticed how her legs leaned towards him, but she also kept her distance. She knew him well to know what he was comfortable with when it came to PDA. They had met with her aunt and uncle a few times for her to know.

“I wanted to be here to escort you if you wanted. And to answer any last-minute questions.”

“So, it really is going to be just the three of us and him? No other executives? No lawyers?” Asked Jia, still looking like she didn’t believe what had been said to her several times.

Namjoon smiled and nodded. “Sihyuknim cares and respects his artists. Having a meeting with the artist and their parents is something very important to him. He wants the parents to know he’s taking good care of their child. That he is willing to treat the artist like extended family. He did the same with us. It was just us, our parents—no lawyers—and we signed the contracts. It’s the reason why Big Hit is so small. He wants it to be a family business.”

John’s chest puffed a bit like he loved the idea that he was considered to be Maya’s parent. Jia’s smile spread wide, clearly feeling the same. There were even some tears in her eyes.

Jia seemed to shake herself out of it. “Namjoonah, is there a particular wine your parents really like? Mayita says they like wine but is unsure which is their favorite,” Jia said.

“I’ll message you an image of it,” Namjoon promised.

Maya’s aunt and uncle were going to meet Namjoon’s parents tonight. It had been Namjoon’s mother who had invited Maya’s family over.

Maya had been over for dinner at his parents' every weekend. Namjoon also had a feeling Eomuni would be inviting them to the house for Seollol.

“We would appreciate that, thank you,” responded Jia.

“How have you guys been sleeping?” Namjoon asked, curious. He remembered John mentioning the other day how the time difference was affecting his sleep.

“Better last night,” John said.

They were staying in Maya’s new apartment. Her old apartment was having too many issues with the renovations and wasn’t going to be ready for the initial date they had given Maya. The landlord let Maya out of her lease early, so she was able to look for another apartment.

While it had caused a lot of stress for Maya for a couple of weeks, something good came out of it. She had found an apartment in Namjoon’s community, so she was now a lot closer. They wouldn’t need to use so many drivers now since they were only walking distance from one another.

But even though they saw each other every day, they didn’t sleep in each other’s place. This time, Namjoon wanted to make sure their emotions were stable before they took that next step. Like before, Maya assured Namjoon that once he was ready then she would be, too. And it’s not like he didn’t want to sleep with her, because goddammit he did.

However, he was really enjoying the stage they were in. During the few weeks they had gotten back together, Maya had done such a turn-around. She was emotionally open and communicated very well with Namjoon. Gone were the days that she kept things to herself. The only time she did this was when she wasn’t sure what she was going through. And she told Namjoon so. When she got confused about something, rather than closing up, she let Namjoon know she needed time to decipher what she was feeling or thinking. This change in her made Namjoon fall deeper in love with her. He hadn’t thought it was possible, but it was the truth.

And the more he fell in love with her, the more he was drawn to her physically. It was getting harder to keep his hands off her. He was ready to make that next step with her. And he had a feeling it might be tonight. There were just a few things he needed to take care of.

“Should we start heading up?” asked John as he looked down at his watch.

We all turned to Maya.

She nodded, looking at little nervous.

Jia reached over and squeezed her arm before taking her husband’s hand. “Let’s go.”

John made a motion for Maya to lead the way.

As Maya walked, she took hold of Namjoon’s arm.

Together, they all walked towards the elevator. Plenty of eyes turned towards the four of them, their gaze lingering on Maya’s arm linked through Namjoon’s. He was sure Maya noticed the stares as well.

She didn’t seem bothered by them, though. She kept her head high in confidence.

Namjoon felt his heart swell and witnessed Maya feeling indifferent to the staff learning about her possibly romantic relationship with Bagntan’s leader, RM.

Yeah, he was definitely taking her to bed tonight.

**************

MASTERLIST

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 Sequel (Book II)

***********************

AN: This concludes the story I planned for Maya and Namjoon! Thank you everyone for coming along on this journey! I adored writing these two.

However, I do have some news—good or bad, I don't know. This story will be continuing. I haven’t been able to get rid of these two from my head. Mostly it’s because RM smutty songs keep inspiring me. The first chapter of their new story is up and linked here.

I have the story (mostly) mapped out. It won’t be a story as long as this one ( I hope). It will work mostly as a journey of the two learning how to navigate through a mature, adult relationship. I intend to have an equal amount of fluff and smut in every chapter. It will work more like chapters of drabbles than one, big story.

Similarly to ITMOTN, though, I’ll want a big chunk of the story written before I start posting.

[priestess-of-yuri]

hi everyone!!! i hope you've all been well. 🩵🍃✨

so i received a dm today that actually caused me quite a bit of stress. i've had to take the time to myself to do self-care. it's also my partner's birthday, and although they live in a different timezone, i've kept the next two days mostly clear in order to celebrate with it as much as possible.

i just wanted to express that i've said in the post where i'm doing FREE one-on-one tarot/oracle readings that i'm asking you to have patience. i don't know if this person missed it or is simply unaware of what they're doing, but it's just simply not okay with me for you to ask when you're receiving the reading. it throws me off. it makes me feel pressured and it's actually really distressing.

i don't operate on a set schedule. i'm a witch for a reason: i'm disabled with various mental illnesses. i'm neurodivergent; i have adhd. even my routines need to constantly feel different for me to do them. i don't appreciate the disregard of a lack of patience at all.

for those of you who are kindly waiting (and even telling me to take my time 😭🙏🏽) this isn't directed at you. this post is to serve as me expressing my needs and boundaries going forward as i take on more and more readings.

i have a life, and it caters to me while taking into consideration my purpose of serving others. it's balanced. i do not operate this service as a "job". i don't earn money from this at all, unless i get tips from anyone generous enough to give them. (so far, no one has.)

i did a reading on the situation for myself. i got Water Spirit for manifesting dreams, Butterfly Spirit for transformation, Pine Spirit for purification, Dragonfly Spirit for change, Maple Spirit for generosity, Daffodil Fairy for new beginnings, and Unicorn for purity.

altogether, i believe the cards are encouraging me to express myself regarding this matter publicly, to step into the wonder and innocence of a child, to continue seeking to help people, and to change my mind as i see fit.

that said, please check out my pinned if you would like a FREE one-on-one tarot/oracle reading, and you're willing to wait for your time. putting pressure on me by being impatient only slows me down.

and going forward, i will refuse requests who ask me when i will give them their reading, and the like. it's just simply not how i operate, and it's not the treatment i deserve, need or want. it may be normalised in society to ask for when you will receive a service, but keep in mind i am just one person and i did say i would get to everyone in due time. that was me showcasing the way this works.

i'll be dming the person at hand. but to all new followers and requesters, welcome aboard. i have quite a backlog of requests for readings right now, but so long as you're all willing to wait, i'll be able to clear it easy peasy.

see you in dms! 🩵🍃✨

[rosietrace]

so the Valentine’s day event..😳😳😳

I’m sorry to pile up more work for u but I would like to see a one shot of Juvia x Nyx! Platonic or Romantic is fine! I just wanna see them 😈

Ily Rosie take ur time pookie don’t stress urself out🫶🏻 💞💞

I love this ship so much 😈 Mitch and Deuce better watch out also jokes on you Jas, I ALWAYS stress myself out /j

Lovely siren

Event: Rosie's 2023 valentine's special 💌❣️

Ocs featured: Nyx Leech, Juvia Yuyi Espejo

Characters featured: Azul Ashengrotto(mentioned), Jade Leech, Floyd Leech

Ship: Nyx x Juvia

Summary: After finding time in her typically busy schedule, Juvia took it upon herself to visit her crush during one of her performances at the monstro lounge.

Warning(s): Juvia being a bi disaster /j, Jade and Floyd /j, potential ooc moments

{ Apologies for any out of character moments }

[ Reblogs are recommended/encouraged ]

Song to listen to: Why don't you do right? (Annapantsu cover)

Juvia had a busy schedule for most of January and the first couple of days of February.

And unfortunately, that meant she didn't have enough time to give her crush the new set of punk lolita boots she wanted.

Now, who is Juvia's crush? One would assume it would be Deuce Spade, Artemis from Savanaclaw, or Mitch from RSA.

But it was actually Nyx Leech, an Octavinelle second-year, and the younger sister of Jade and Floyd Leech.

Juvia's heard a lot of things about Nyx. Some good, some bad. Mostly bad but Juvia also happened to see the good behind Nyx's bitchy attitude toward others.

Speaking of Nyx, Juvia sighed with relief."Finally…" she groaned before quickly changing her clothes into something similar to the Octavinelle dorm uniform.

Minus the hat and scarf, Juvia could've been mistaken for another Octavinelle student. Which were thanks to Nyx, since she gave the outfit to Juvia on her birthday last year.

Looking into the mirror, Juvia grinned."I can't wait to see her!" She exclaimed, a quiet squeal leaving her mouth right after.

After some time, Juvia left Ramshackle under the supervision of Grim and the ghosts that resided inside.

She was super excited, more excited than the word itself.

Until she reached the lounge.

♜♛__________________________________♛♜

Juvia's smile faltered when she saw that the place was packed. Customers covered the lounge and many of the Octavinelle students were too busy tending to those customers that they didn't even notice Juvia was there.

She felt small, shrunken down to a mere piece of dust that'll be thrown away sooner or later. It didn't help that Nyx was seemingly nowhere to be seen.

That is until Jade walked up to Juvia. With that devious smile that was identical to Nyx's. Or rather Nyx's smile was identical to Jade's.

"A pleasure to see you, Juvia." Jade greeted, placing two trays of food on a table before walking up to her."To what do we owe the honor?"

Realizing that Jade - her crush's older brother - was speaking to her, Juvia cleared her throat and prepared a couple of words.

"Well, I came to see one of your sister's performances. I heard that she performs in the lounge a lot so…" an awkward smile spread across her face, "Curiosity got the best of me."

Jade chuckled."Curiosity killed the cat." He said, "But at least the satisfaction will bring it back."

With how he worded the well-known saying, Juvia's curiosity was partially piqued. Was Nyx better than she initially thought?

Soon, Jade guided Juvia to a table near the stage. And lo and behold, it's the infamous table anyone wants to be in whenever Nyx performs.

After taking a seat, Juvia looked at Jade, causing a chuckle to leave his lips.

"I can assure you that my little sister is quite the performer."

That was all he said before walking off to assist Floyd and the other employees in the lounge.

Once he left, Juvia basically deflated herself into a nervous wreck. She was absolutely terrified.

Not because of Nyx, of course not, but because of two specific things that freaked the fuck out of her.

One, the fact that Jade likely set her down on the table on purpose.

Two, the fact that half of the lounge was glaring daggers that pierced her soul. She could practically hear the gates of heaven open up for her.

But then Floyd enthusiastically announced Nyx's entrance onto the stage. And saying Juvia's jaw dropped was an understatement.

Not only was her crush about to perform. But she looked fucking breathtaking.

She wore a black miniskirt with the Octavinelle insignia on her belt, alongside a shoulderless halter top with separate semi-transparent bishop sleeves.

The elegance paired with the punk-ish vibe of her knee-length boots blew Juvia away. And she couldn't help but believe that only Nyx was able to pull off something so elegant with boots that were the complete opposite of elegant.

Oh, but that was just the beginning.

Which was probably what Azul thought when Nyx took the microphone and began serenading the audience. Like a siren singing to nearby sailors and persuading them to drown in the oceanic depths.

Juvia almost choked when she sang the first verse."I-I knew she was good, but…" she cut herself off, feeling her face go warm as she continued to stare into Nyx's eyes.

The classiness of the music paired with an unnaturally relaxing voice? Juvia was sure that Nyx was more hypnotic than any siren.

When Nyx was nearing the final verse, she noticed Juvia sitting on the table across from her. And she kept eye contact with her.

A smirk now dawned on Nyx's face. One that matched Floyd's more than Jade's.

Juvia was having the equivalent of a seizure, but internally. Too many butterflies were in her stomach and her face was a bit too red for its own good.

"H-Holy…"

Nyx giggled for a moment, spinning around the microphone stand, posing for only a moment with a mischievous grin.

And she hit that high note.

Juvia might as well have been a ghost at that point. Nyx's voice was enough for her to feel her soul leave her body and ascend to the gates of heaven.

But even then, she didn't fight back the smile she had when Nyx's performance ended.

And she couldn't wait to give her the boots.

"By the great seven, I love that bitch…"

Taglist: [ I would like to hear your thoughts if possible! ]

@starry-night-rose @authoruio @fumikomiyasaki @sakuramidnight15 @nem0-nee @oseathepebble @geminiiviolets @twsted-princess

Request by: @windbornearchon

I hope you like this oneshot, Jas! Sorry if this doesn't have as much dialogue as you'd like :') I hope Nyx singing like Annapantsu can compensate for that. Either way, I just- Absolutely fucking love this ship TvT ❤️ hope you enjoy

[spadesolace]

okay so after rereading the prev chaps until the latest one , im officially stumped hsjsksksk- the more i read , the more i question bout lots of things 😂 (sorry bro , i aint the brightest)

first chap, u mentioned how with a click of her name , people can find out who yn was yet people still dk anything bout her priv life which prob meant that she only posts/people post bout her school life . she's also friends with sullyoon (is there gonna be a backstory bout her or was that just a filler?)

anw, let's try this hsjsksksk-

1. yn just enjoy teasing hanni bcs of the thrill . as u said, she doesn't even have to try hard to be on par with hanni . so , she prob don't care much bout the grades and only does it to annoy hanni since hanni is so competitive (ofc she is, her chances to get into her dream college/uni is at stake) . she find it fun, which something that she prob never felt before. or does she has an attachment issue? 😂

2. yn notices the small things bcs that's something that she wishes to have been b4 . something bad might have happened or it's bcs of her parents as well (?). like how she wishes her parents would do to her (pay more attention to her, etc).

3. regarding her life ... my theory would be something happened to her sibling hence why their parents r so protective and secretive of them (wdym except their father tho?) . yn's sibling is probably not in the picture anymore (hence why she moved school so jihyo can look after her). but that also the cause of her parents being neglectful bcs they're tryna busy themselves with work to forget bout it i guess.

4. yn doesn't feel like trying hard at school (take the top place) bcs she feels unnecessary to do so. her parents prob won't even bat an eye if she does so , that's why her coping mechanism is more into being playful and all cuz she just tryna live and have fun.

5. old money rich and food industry... why do i feel like there's something fishy bout it? 🤔 could it be that it is just a cover or her parents own like a multimillionaire company that has a lot of competitors tryna bring them down ...

bro, this is the longest I've ever wrote and im 100% sure it's not even close to the plot hajsksbdksk- 🤣🤣

also, would u be surprised if i said hanni fell first but yn fell harder? 👀

i hope my failed attempts on trying to guess entertains u enough so that u wont be too stressed out for ur exam ksksksks-

On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

HEAVY SPOILER CONTENT FOR DRAG ME DOWN 👀

also THAT LAST LINE IS FROM LITTLE PRINCE, RIGHT? ANON, BUBS, YOU KNOW THE WAY TO MY HEART

ok let's get this bread

she has socials but very private family, so anything about her family is hidden but school life such as events, that’s the only thing she allows to be public, and on top of that, she doesn’t really accept followers that fast

yes, sullyoon is her actual best friend, the only person she truly trusts with any information about her family and traumas. there's an entire chapter that would go in depth with yn's life as she opens up to hanni

1. yes, she really enjoys messing with hanni not only for the thrill of it bc we all know hanni is competitive but we’ll get there. yn doesn't try that hard to be a top student, just a little bit of effort here and there, as her future is sort of planned already but she's still given a choice. it's fun for yn cause she doesn't have that much friends who would tolerate with her teasing and she only jokingly flirts with hanni

2. yn is observant, she focuses too much on the small details, the patterns. like clockwork, she knows her family's schedule of when they're visiting them or when sakura needs her (little things chapter) she sort of got it bc of negligence from her parents but at the same time, like oh, the flowers were changed or a new batch of coffee beans at home that's not local?

3. OK HHAJDHASJKFHKAJHFA, I ACTUALLY ENJOY THE HISTORY OF THE PARK FAMILY ITS LIKE HOW WIL!YN IS VERY PROTECTIVE AND DOES NOT TAKE ACTION RIGHT AWAY BC OF HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FATHER.

the park family, yes, jihyo was the cousin that is keeping a close eye on yn but she transferred for the sole reason of having someone she is close with (sullyoon and jihyo). they're well-known, the parks are big bc one is in the music industry, another in the food world, some are in fashion, then you also have lawyers and judges, and the fact that no one knows they're connected makes it intriguing.

that's why yn has a choice, its nepotism baby (if yn chooses to work or take over the family business then that's when her parents would publicly announce that she's their daughter)

4. YOU'RE CLOSE BUT IT ACTUALLY IS SORT OF THAT. she doesn't care about grades, as long as she's not failing then she'll be fine bc her parents gave her a choice of what industry or corporate she'll work in

5. LAST ONE, BINGO. people are trying to find some sort of connection regarding the park industries, like are they connected or is it bc the surname is that common that people would assume they're related or what.

hahahaha I WONT TELL WHO FELL FIRST AND WHO FELL HARDER

[urlocalbitchboy]

‼️Let's play AITA!!!‼️

So since my breakup back in November, my aunt and uncle have been working on helping me out with a living situation for myself, and my two cats. We have been working on getting a shed built in their backyard for me to convert into a tiny home.

It started out being super chill, and they said I could have a bunch of creative freedom, and my cats could live with me in said tiny home and such. Well, slowly, they've stopped talking to me about design changes, and building plans/schedules, which they need to change where in the back yard it is? Cool, that's chill. Still keep me in the loop, cause I can't mentally handle being left in the dark. But that's not tge frustrating part.

The frustrating part is that they've been helping me out with my cats, because until the tiny home is built, I'm living at my grandmothers house, and she doesn't allow cats.

When I do get to visit my cats at my aunt and uncles, my cats behaviors are noticeably different. My younger cat doesn't wander around much, and clings to the guest bedroom where I sleep when I'm over there, and my older cat hides in the basement all day, and is more reclusive, and violent, when he was previously super happy and cuddly, and chill.

NOW

My aunt and uncle have JUST NOW told me that my cats will not be moving into the tiny home with me, but will be staying in their house. Did I mention that there are also 2 dogs in this house that I have actively had to tank away from my cats because they snarl and try to attack my cats?? Yep. Already that stresses me out beyond belief, because why wouldn't it? My cats behaviors have changed in that house, and I don't like having to constantly worry about the dogs going after them. My aunt and uncle try to reassure me that there's a bunch of perches for them to jump on and get away, but it doesn't change the fact that I can tell my cats are more stressed, compared to previous living situations.

I have been told that up until today, they were going to live with me in the tiny home, and that was a huge thing that aided in my decision to accept this offer, and now they're backing down from it, under the excuse that "they have more space to run around, and whatnot." Which, sure, they do, but at what cost of both them, and myself being stressed to shit? Also, if I move out of this tiny home into a new one, what do they think I'm gonna do? Leave my cats there? No, they'd be moving with me. I have lived with my cats in smaller spaces than this tiny home, and I'm very good at keeping them stimulated, and continuing to make sure that they have what they need, and then some. They've always been healthy, and happy living with me in the smaller spaces that I've been in, and based on how my cats tend to secluded themselves, I doubt the bigger space is helping much.

I feel deceived, and my cat-momma bear mode is in full alert, and I'm pissed that they're trying to control where MY cats stay, when I've previously been given clearance to have them with me. I don't appreciate that they're trying to tell ne what's best for my cats, when I've seen their behavioral change since the switch, and I can tell there's more stress. I don't appreciate the dogs trying to attack them. I don't appreciate my ability to make decisions has been taken away. I don't appreciate that when I got upset about this decision, my family tried to pit me as the bad guy, but I'm worried I might be.

So I ask, am I the asshole for being pissed about this?

[substituted-shinigami]

“Quick” Blog/Writing/Art Update: May/June 2023

Hello everyone! Thank you for your patience! Sorry, it’s been awhile, but I do hope to be back soon! I’ve had a good long rest from the stresses of social media (I wish I could also say life as well, but I’ve learned it does what it wants!), and I hope to be at least semi active again by the time Bleach is back in early July! Thanks again for your patience! 🥰

Now unfortunately when I say semi-active, I really do mean semi-active. I won’t go into detail about my real life stuff, but it causes me enough stress that I’ve realized I can’t deal with it and social media stress at the same time. So I probably won’t be on here as often, and will be posting even less, but I want you all to know that I still love all y’alls stuff and will look at it when I can! I took a peek just recently to try and get back into the groove (the app has really changed in the last few months, huh?) and saw you all were talking about Soul Society Trains awhile back, and I’m so sorry I missed it because OMIGOSH DO I WANT IT TO BE CANON! Like can you imagine if Squad 12 designed one?! It would be a horror show, with a bunch of little feet and eyes and horns and UGH! Or maybe, due to how Soul Society is layed out, it’s a subway instead! Maybe it's an immortal mole creature that travels underground on some well known migratory route, and if you’re knowledgeable and crazy enough, you can just grab its fur and hold on tight to get where you need to go faster! Where was I going with this? Oh, right! You all are great, and I hope to read more of your ideas, and headcanons, and other stuff whenever I’m able!

What else…oh yes, posting content. So you know how I was talking about social media stress? Yeah, posting causes a lot of that. Creating though, causes less of that though, sometimes even decreases it. Like I literally sleep better if I write fanfiction before bed (sad, I know, but hear me out). So what’s the solution? Well, I could just never post, but I like sharing with others too! So what I’ve decided to do instead is post in seasons kind of like a tv show! I’ll work on fanfiction/fanart throughout the year, and then once October hits, I’ll post whatever I finish on a sort of schedule, like every Saturday or something. That way, I won’t feel stressed to get something out every month and I can work on multiple stories at the same time (which is my preferred way to write)! That said, since I won’t be online as much, I may be pretty slow in answering messages/questions/comments/etc, so I want to apologize in advance. Know that I still love and appreciate all of you, and will get back when I can! 

Hmmm…Any last details? Oh yes, fanart and Bloodlines. I’m gonna be honest, y’all, fanart has been slow coming. I wanted to do more fan comics, but I haven’t had a lot of inspiration or motivation lately. I unfortunately might have to save that idea for next year, but if I do, I do have a back up plan that I think you all will like, so hopefully that works out. But for now, we’ll just have to wait and see!

Bloodlines…will be out…this year…or so help me, I’ll- *cough* Anyway, work on it has been going steadily, which should make me happy, but for some reason has got me extremely nervous. Like, is it going steadily because it’s close to finishing? Or is it going steadily because I missed a major flaw? Like will I be about to post it and realize I need to REWRITE THE ENTIRE THING! These thoughts plague me. Current improvements! I’ve learned what chapter hooks are and have implemented them to make the beginnings more interesting! Also, while I think Bloodlines is still a good “series” title, it is no longer a good title for the piece. The new working title is “Learning to Breathe”. I think that better encapsulates the story I’m trying to tell! Current worries! Is the climax “climaxy” enough? Does the build up pay off in the end? Do the dramatic moments make sense? DO I NEED TO REWRITE THE ENTIRE THING??? 

Anyway, I think that is finally, actually it! If you made it to the end, that’s pretty amazing of you! One day, I’ll learn to summarize my thoughts better, but today is not that day! See you all in July when Bleach comes back! I’m so hyped!

[krishnasangani]

Welcome to MY Blog

Hi, I am Krishna!

Everyone does many things for good health: eating healthy food, drinking water, and working out. But sleeping, for some reason, is low on the list. Ever since I started college, I have noticed that my sleeping habits have been unhealthy. I am a night owl person who has early morning classes. During weekdays I would only sleep for 3-6 hours due to the college workload, binge-watching Netflix, late-night video calls with my friends, etc. This has also led me to drink an enormous amount of coffee, which has not been good for my body. My sleeping schedule has been so unhealthy and disorganized that it has become overwhelming and stressful. I have been having difficulties catching up with my academics and other requirements lately. Usually, my solution is to drink a significant amount of coffee, but that's something I would like to change because I've been obsessed with coffee to the degree that it has caused me to sleep less. Therefore my goal is to change my sleeping habits and limit the amount of coffee I intake. 

It is essential for me to change this habit because I would like to have a healthy sleeping lifestyle so that I am energized and active throughout the day. In fact, according to the Community Health Network, “quality sleep is vital to our physical and mental health.” In fact, the body and mind need sleep due to the following reason 

Reason 1: It helps the brain function

Reason 2: Keeps emotion in check

Reason 3: Reduces disease risk 

Reason 4: Keeps weight under control

For more information about it please check out this website: https://www.achn.net/about-access/whats-new/health-resources/4-reason-why-sleep-is-good-for-your-health

Check out this poster below to understand more deeply of why you need sleep.

With that being said the possible advantages and disadvantages of modifying this behavior 

Advantages: 

Managing time 

Balanced sleeping schedule 

Focused on academics 

Healthy lifestyle

Reduces stress and improves my mood 

Better mental health

Being more productive

Disadvantages: 

No drinking coffee every day

Sleeping early 

No binge-watching Netflix or talking to friends late at night

Difficult to maintain this habit

However, this behavior modification is not my first attempt. I have tried changing it, but it did not help because I needed to put in all my effort and take it seriously. Although this has made me realize how important changing my sleeping habits is, it will give me long-term mental and physical benefits.

Baseline Data

I have started logging down my sleep schedule and coffee consumption since mid of January 2023. I will be tracking my sleep hours daily using Health and SleepWatch Application. However, these apps are not 100% accurate, but they help me analyze the average base of my sleep hours. When it comes to coffee consumption, I will be tracking it by taking pictures and noting down the time I drink coffee every day. I will be updating weekly overhear with my updates and progress regarding my sleeping schedule and how it has made me change throughout.