#Sad Bucky Barnes Stories

[thewintersoldier111]

(Pure sadness warning. SH, blood, very detailed writing warning!) This is a Stucky story :') There might be a few miss spellings, forgive me.

He was like a sinking ship.

Day by day he was getting worse. Mentally worse. He looked like the happiest man alive. He really did. He was so happy about everything. His smile was as bright as the sun. His eyes were blue like the ocean itself. He was the most amazing man there was, and he was absolutely beautiful.

But behind all of that, behind closed doors, he was suffering. Fucking dying inside. His guilt weighed him down badly. Every time he looked down at his hands it made him instantly cringe in pure disgust. He could almost see the blood from everyone he murdered on his hands, and no matter how many times he washed his hands or got in the shower, the blood never seemed to go away.

The sight in the mirror was worrying. He looked like a ghost, his eyes not as bright as they usually are when he puts on a fake smile when around everyone and goes about his day.

His smile wasn't as bright, his eyes were dull, and his skin was pale and his arms and thighs were completely scattered in different size cuts and scars. He wasn't ashamed of them. Hell, he actually found peace in hurting himself when wanted to. It was calming to his mind. It was like a flood of calm and numbness would wash over him, making him feel at peace.

He didn't care if it was bad. He didn't care if he cut deep enough where he was basically bleeding out a bit too much. It was a dangerous habit of course. But he couldn't be happy. He wishes he could. But he can't. Ever since he became that deadly killer, he never forgave himself. Every murder. Every child and parent. Every baby and innocent person, killed by his own two hands, and he practically felt like he could pass out by the thought.

He felt so guilty, so ashamed and hurt, so beaten and exhausted with himself that he couldn't hardly deal with himself.

That's why he's standing in the shower, the warm water cascading down his pale skinned body and down the drain, sending goosebumps down his body. He stares at the shiny blade in his hand, glimmering in the dimly lit light of the bathroom. His breathing was calm, not one shake in it.

His eyes lingered on the blade, looking at it as if it was a piece of art. He stared at the sharp point of the blade, seeing the dried blood there from the previous time he had used it. He swallows thickly, his throat getting coated by his saliva and he takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment and then breathing out slowly. He opens his eyes and then brings the blade to his thigh.

His thighs were horror. It was like a horror movie. His thighs were covered in cuts and scars that there was hardly any skin left to cut. He thought about cutting his chest and stomach before, but he thought deep down that he'll only do that when he has no skin left to cut.

He takes in another breath, this one filled with emotion.

Before you know it, he takes in a sharp breath and presses the blade down and quickly swipes, instantly feeling the sting. He gritted his teeth, almost dropping the blade. This was more painful than it usually was, and that right there sent his gut twisting, his mind instantly racing for the worst. He knew that this was bad, and he was scared to look.

He stared at the tile wall of the shower, his eyes wide as if he was one of the soldiers in the war with the thousand-yard stare. He was breathing heavily, as if he was almost hyperventilating, and the feeling of the warmth of his blood going down his thigh was scary. He was panicking in his head, but on the outside, he was just staring at the tile wall.

He scared what he would see if he looked down, but in the corner of his eye, he could see the blood flowing in the water. A tone of it. 'Fuck!' Bucky quickly thought. His eyes shot to his leg and he gasped instantly, slapping a hand over his mouth to silence his scream of pure panic. The cut was huge. And he was just realizing how bad it was hurting.

He was glad that the bathroom door was locked and closed, and that it was in the middle of the night.

He got out of the shower, his mind paying no attention to the water that continued to go down the drain, nor the blood that was still on the shower floor. He cut so damn deep. He sobbed against his hand from the unbearable pain. Blood was flowing quickly out of the wound and onto the floor, already creating a small puddle in just a few seconds. He grabbed the red towel that was neatly folded and pressed it to his wound, and he sobbed louder against his hand from the pain.

What has he done? This was life threatening. He didn't want to die, or even kill himself. He was just doing this for pay back for what he did to everyone that he killed and tortured to death. He wanted to feel almost the similar pain, because he knew deep down inside that he deeply deserved it.

He started to breathe in and out fast and shaky. He couldn't die. He couldn't leave. This was not the plan. This wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to still live even though he was suffering inside. He still had his good days, he still had his moments of peace, even if that was without his blade sometimes. He wanted to live. He still had all of his friends to hang out with. He still had a life ahead of him to live. But here he is, bleeding out, the towel quickly soaking the blind up.

Bucky sobbed and quickly grabbed bandages from the shelf behind the bathroom door, grabbing the box and the gauze pads. Tones of them. The blade sat in the shower, laying on the floor. The shower still ran while he pulled the towel away with a cry of pain, stifling it as he bites his lip. He grabs ten gauze pads, putting them together and pressing them to the wound. He wanted to cry loudly, scream in sadness and pain.

He wanted to just feel better, and now he just made everything worse for himself.

He grabbed the bandage roll, quickly wrapping the bandage around his thigh. After he shakily gets done, his breathing heavy as he feels his heart pounding faster than ever, his hands shaking so bad that it almost seemed like he was doing it on purpose. The one thought came into his head, and he knew that it was the right choice, that he needed to do it.

Could he though?

Could he really walk to Steve's room and tell Steve what he did.

What he did to himself.

Bucky knew it was the right choice, that he needed to do it. What he did to himself, it was deadly, and he could already feel his dizziness coming on. He takes in a wavering breath and puts his shirt on quickly, not caring to dry off. He puts on his boxers sobbing in pain and even as he puts his sweatpants on. He limps and unlocks the door, almost not being able to due to how much he was shaking.

He fumbles with the lock and gets it undone. He twists the knob, opening the door. He doesn't care about turning off the shower, getting the blade and hiding it back in the hiding spot he puts it in his dresser drawer. He doesn't care. His life could end in minutes or less than an hour, and he wasn't going to let that happen. He didn't want it to.

He limps and walks to Steve room down the hallway in the Stark tower. He makes his way to Steve's room, Steve's room right next to Peter's, and fuck, he couldn't let the kid see this. Peter would be traumatized and in shock. So Bucky stayed silent. He walked to Steve's room without hardly any creak to the floor. He stands in front of Steve's room door, almost like he was debating whether this was a good idea or not.

'Will he hate me?' Will he stop talking to me?' Will he feel disgusted by the scars and cuts?' Will he never forgive me?' Will he think that this is his fault?' Should I just head back to my room' Should I just bleed out?' I deserve this don't I?' Is this what I deserve?' Should I just wait until I pass out and die?'

So many thoughts went through his head, and he didn't even realize that he was standing in front of his best friends door for five minutes until he gets knocked out of his trance when he sees Steve open his door. He should have known. Steve always gets up late at night because he can't get sleep, so he usually goes and watches TV for a bit until he feels tired again.

'So many thoughts went through his head, and he didn't even realize that he was standing in front of his best friends door for five minutes until he gets knocked out of his trance when he sees Steve open his door. He should have known. Steve always gets up late at night because he can't get sleep, so he usually goes and watches TV for a bit until he feels tired again.

Bucky was silent, staring at Steve wide eyed and shaking, his breathing fast as if he was just getting chased by someone. Steve stared at him for a moment longer, and he knew something was different. He could see the fast rise and fall of his best friend's chest, the way his hands were shaking frantically, the way silent tears slipped down his face. But when he looked down at the blood patch forming on Bucky's pants, Steve felt his throat want to close up.

He quickly grabbed Bucky's arm and pulled him into his room.

He wasn't expecting to wake up to this. He just wasn't tired, due to some muffled noise he heard, but he didn't think anything of it until now. He knows now that that was Bucky's muffled scream. Steve felt his heart pounding so hard that he almost thought it was going to blow up in his chest.

He sets Bucky down on his bed. Bucky sobs, his lip quivering as he squeezes his eyes shut, his body violently shaking with each sob that racked his body. Steve feels his eyes tearing up, his heart shattering in his chest at the sight of his best friend breaking down for the first time he's seen him break down in years. He grabs his chair from his desk and quickly pushes it over to Bucky. He sits down in it, looking straight at Buck.

Bucky has his head lowered, sobs and cries falling from his lips, hot tears running down his cheeks and dripping onto his pants, making little wet spots in there wake.

"Bucky" Steve says quickly but shakily with pure care and love. He cups Bucky's face and says gently. "Take your pants off, please Bucky" He says, almost begging him to.

Bucky sobs, not opening his eyes for a moment. He sniffles and cries as he brings his hands to his waist band of his pants and slightly tugs them down. Steve helps, doing his best not to hurt him. As Bucky's pants go down to his knees, Steve gasps at how much blood there was. "Bucky!?" Steve says in panic. Bucky sobs as he looks at Steve and then closes his eyes. Blood was completely soaked through the bandages and the scars and cuts from yesterday were littered all over, and Steve felt sick, wanting to hunch over and puke.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He didn't know if he was having a nightmare or if this was hell. Steve stood up from his chair and grabbed the aid kit in his closet that he kept. He walks back over to Buck quickly and sits back down. He opens the first aid kit with shaking hands, his heart pounding harder.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Bucky sobs more.

Steve shakes his head, not knowing how to form words.

The most important person in his life, the one that was always happy and joyful, full of life and had the best humor. The one that was always grumpy in the morning. The one that would roughhouse and would have a wrestle match with you and tickle you until you were dying from laughter. And here Bucky was, the side Steve thought was long gone, breaking down, crying and sobbing, his body shaking and paling.

Steve looks at Bucky's thigh and starts to unwrap the bandages. After he gets down to that, blood threatens to drip down the side of Buck's thigh from the gauze pads. Steve knew just by the way Bucky had patched himself up that he did it in a hurry. Steve grabbed new gauze pads and then pulled the bloody ones away from the wound. Steve only got a quick glance before putting the fresh new pads on Buck's thigh, and his heart sank.

The cut was huge, and he could see the muscle through the cut, that's how deep he went. It was shocking, and Steve stared at Buck's thigh where the pads were placed. He felt fresh tears fall down his face, and it was like Buck's sobs were not even audible anymore for a few seconds due to Steve being in such shock. Steve then looked up at Bucky and sobbed with him. Fuck, he couldn't lose him, he couldn't lose his best friend, his everything. His love.

Steve puts his shaky hand behind Bucky's head, putting his hand on his neck and pulling bucky's head towards his until their heads are touching. They both sobbed. Bucky did feel indeed dizzy, but he knew that he had super soldier serum running through his veins, so he wasn't going to pass out right away. Steve sobbed, still holding the gauze pads to Bucky's wound, the blood was quickly seeping through.

Steve knew he had to act fast, that he needed to patch his friend's leg up and stitch it.

"I-i have to stitch it... Buck- Buck, it's bad... You need it stitched alright" Steve says shakily.

Bucky quickly nods, agreeing whole heartedly.

Steve nods and gets to work. He grabs all the sewing stuff he needed. He was quick like lightning, and he would never be this quick to patch someone up except Bucky. Every time Bucky got hurt, it was like a pang of hurt to his own heart. He hated seeing his friend in pain, and he would do anything in his will power to make him better.

Steve's love for Bucky was beyond any other friendship. They both save each other on missions, even if that means there's a risk they could die for one another. They would laugh, talk, hangout, drink, watch TV, have coffee, look at the stars and talk about what's beyond the solar system and all, hug, sleep, eat, draw, paint, do absolutely everything you can imagine with each other.

There was nothing more Steve could ask for, nor Bucky. They both loved each other so much. Bucky was in love with Steve so much that he was over heels for him. They loved one another, and there was nothing else they could ask for.

After an hour, Bucky was feeling a bit weak, his eyes heavy with exhaustion. His eyes were pink and puffy from the crying, which made him more tired. Steve gets done sewing the cut, and he was pretty proud at how well he sewed. He didn't care about putting the stuff away, he just put the stuff on the floor. He looked at Bucky, and Buck looked at him. Steve could see that buck's hair was wet and his shirt slightly damp, and he knew that he was in the shower when this happened.

Steve listened, and he could hear the shower running. He sighs shakily and gets up. He quickly goes to the bathroom and is met with a horror scene. There's blood puddles on the tile floor and blood spots on the shower wall. He could see the box cutter blade on the shower floor and he put the back of his hand to his mouth, feeling sick again. He wanted to pass out, his stomach turning, but he kept it down. He shut the water off and bent down, quickly cleaning the blood up with toilet paper and flushing it down the toilet.

After around ten minutes, and rushed back to his room, now seeing Bucky's pants rolled back up to his waist and Buck sitting there looking like a broken record.

Steve walked over, pushing the chair out of the way. He sat down in front of Bucky and pulled him into a tight hug, feeling his best friend's body shake against his. Buck sobbed against Steve's shoulder, clutching onto Steve for dear life as he repeated, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," over and over.

"Bucky, don't... Please, just-... God, please tell me what- why you did this... Tell me why, please? Bucky... Please" Steve said as he sobbed as well, holding Buck tightly. Bucky sobbed louder and said.

"I just- I-i hate- I hate myself-... I-i feel like I dese- deserve this... Bu-but I didn't know th-that I was going to- to even go that deep... G- Fuck- God I'm sorry" Bucky said through cries.

Steve shushed him, rocking each other back and forth slowly as they let their emotions out. "Don't say that... Bucky... You don't... You don't deserve any of this... This- this is not okay... Please Bucky- Buck... This ain't okay, and especially not safe... You could have died... I could have lost you" Steve says and sniffles, clutching onto Bucky like he was about to turn into dust at any moment.

Bucky let out a shaky breath. "I didn't- I didn't think this would happen... Ple-please... Steve, don't leave me" Bucky begged, and everything in Steve shattered to the last bit. He was so heartbroken for his friend that he was sobbing in pain and hurt.

"I'd never leave you... Y-your- everything to me... My home, you hear?" Steve says as he pulls back and cups Bucky's cheeks so they were looking into each other's eyes.

Bucky felt butterflies in his stomach at the words 'My home' and he sobbed. Out of nowhere, Bucky leaned in and kissed Steve deeply, his lips molding against Steve like a puzzle piece that was meant to be. Steve instantly kissed back, kissing him with love and passion. They kissed deeply for what felt like forever, their hands tangling in each other's hair. Steve ran his hand down the side of bucky's neck, sending chills down Buck's his spine.

They pulled away for air, and looked into each other's eyes with love and anticipation. The desire and lust was there, but they could save that for another night. Steve stared into the other's eyes and he said, "You need rest Buck... We can talk and everything tomorrow... You need the rest." Steve said softly and kissed Buck's forehead.

Bucky sighed deeply, closing his eyes briefly, but nodded his head, realizing how tired he really was. Steve nods and they both lay underneath the covers after a few minutes. As they both lay down, Steve pulls Bucky as close as possible, feeling his breath against his chest. Bucky sighs contently. He closes his eyes, inhaling the scent of Steve.

After a minute, Bucky softly whispers, "I love you..." And falls asleep almost instantly.

Tears slip down Steve's cheeks and he holds Bucky close. After a minute, Bucky softly whispers, "I love you..." And falls asleep almost instantly.r if that was even possible and mumbles back, "I love you more" After an hour, he soon falls asleep as well, and the two lay together, their arms wrapped around each other as they sleep peacefully.

_____

Bro... This story I wrote brought tears to my eyes 😭

[braveclementine]

I

Warnings: None.

Copyright: I do not own any Marvel characters or locations. I do not condone any copying of this.

Chapter Note: Even though Y/N will be turning twelve, I wrote her a little mentally younger. Every time there is a son or daughter of Stark, they're always brilliant. So I wanted to make her a little handicapped instead. She is brilliant, but she acts a little younger and is treated a little younger than other kids her age. 

Y/N ran home in excitement, backpack still swinging on her back. She waved at the gardener that was digging in the flower beds next to the tower, "Hello Mr. Gates!" 

The middle aged man looked up at her and smiled, waving back, "Hello Ms Stark. How was school today?" 

"It was great! We're learning about World War II in History, so I'm going to ask Mr. Rogers if he can help me study." Y/N said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "And my birthday is tomorrow and daddy said I could skip school if I wanted to, but I don't think I will. I like school." 

"Well that's good." Mr. Gates said, leaning on his shovel. His slightly graying black hair was combed back and his amber eyes twinkled in kindness. "Don't ever drop out kid, school is a gift." 

"Of course not mister." Y/N said, getting ready to head back to the Compound. 

"How old are you turning?" He asked kindly. 

"Twelve!" Y/N said with excitement. "I have to go though, daddy always gets worried if I'm not in by three forty-five." 

"Of course. Have a blessed day young lady." Mr. Gates said and then went back to digging. Y/N skipped the rest of the way to the Avengers Compound. 

She headed over to her daddy's work area first, F.R.I.D.A.Y. letting her in. "Hi daddy! I'm home." 

"Hey ladybug." Tony said, spinning around in his chair. He set aside the Iron Man helmet that he was working on and opened his arms, letting Y/N run into them. He kissed the top of her head. "How as school today?" 

"It was great! We learned how to calculate the distance between planets and stars in scence, we're learning about World War II in history, and we've moved onto exponents and fractions in math." Y/N said excitedly. "But I hope we kind've speed up on the planets because our next topic is animals!" 

Tony chuckled, "You gonna ask Capsicle about helping you with your history homework?" 

"Daddy, it's not nice to call other people names." Y/N said solemnly, as she always did whenever Tony called someone something other than their names. 

"It's a fun name." Tony said, kissing the tip of her nose, "Like how I call you ladybug. Or do you not want to be many ladybug anymore?" He feigned a hurt look. 

She squealed, wrapping her arms around his neck, "No! I do ! I do!"

Tony laughed, picking her up and carrying her out of his lab. "Okay ladybug. Now run along. Steve and Natasha are upstairs in the kitchen. I'll make sure to eat dinner with you." 

"Okay. Bye daddy." Y/N said and ran up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. 

"Welcome home Y/N." Natasha said, already putting out the saltine crackers with peanut butter on them, along with a glass of milk on the table as Y/N skipped into the room. 

"Hi Auntie Nat. Hi Mr. Rogers." Y/N greeted the two people in the room excitedly, sliding her backpack off the her shoulder and plopping it into the chair next to her. She also saw Loki and grew excited running over to him. "Hi Mr. Loki." 

Loki smiled affectionately at her. "Hey little Stark. How was Midgardian little people jail?" 

Y/N pouted, which Loki thought was adorable. "It's not jail! It's fun! Jail is for bad people!" 

Loki chuckled. "I take it you had a good day?" 

"Yes!" She said and then suddenly grew shy and said, "I have to interview someone that I look up to and I was hoping to interview either you or Teddy." 

Loki smiled. Bless her little heart, wanting to interview the two people that were hated the most on the planet. "Well, how about you as Bucky, okay? I think he'd like that." 

"Yeah, he would." Steve said, smiling over his newspaper. 

"Where is Teddy?" Y/N asked, looking around for Bucky. She had started calling him Teddy from a really young age when she'd heard Steve call him 'Bucky Bear'. And he did have some of the best hugs so she called him Teddy, short for 'Teddy bear'. 

"Him and Uncle Sam are out on a run." Nat said, tapping the plate, "Now eat your snack and drink your milk before you start on your homework." 

Y/N quickly climbed into her seat next to Mr. Rogers and ate her peanut butter crackers and milk. She pulled out her history homework first and asked, "Mr. Rogers, will you help me? It's on World War II." 

"Of course pumpkin." Steve said softly, putting his newspaper to the side. The two of them worked on her homework, going through it quickly, before she moved onto math by herself and then science. 

She looked up in worry as she pulled out her English assignment, "Teddy isn't back yet." 

"He'll be home soon." Nat said with a smile, texting on the phone to Clint who was on a mission with Wanda and Rhodey. "Him and Uncle Sam are bringing pizzas home for dinner." 

"Is Dr. Bruce, Uncle Thor, and daddy going to join?" Y/N asked. 

"Thor is staying on Asgard tonight." Loki said, looking up from his book. "But he'll be down tomorrow for your birthday. And Uncle Strange is going to show up too!" 

Y/N beamed. 

"Hey, do you know what you want for your birthday?" Natasha asked. "Your dad keeps saying you'd want a pony." 

Y/N giggled. "We can't get a pony! Daddy's being silly. But. . ." She looked up thoughtfully. "A puppy would be fun." 

"Yeah?" Nat asked excitedly. She couldn't have her own kids, so Y/N was the closest she could get. And she loved her like her own. Really, they all did, even Loki. "Do you know what kind?" 

"Um. . . one that's good with kids." Y/N said matter of factly. "Like a dalmatian. Or. . ." 

"A golden retriever?" Steve asked. 

Y/N nodded excitedly. "Yeah!" 

Steve and Nat shared a secret smile and then Bucky and Sam came in with the pizzas, followed by Bruce, Tony, and Pietro. 

"Hey hoghead." Bucky teased, wrapping Y/N up in a huge hug. 

"Teddy!" Y/N squealed in excitement. "You're home!" 

"Yep." Bucky said, kissing the top of her head, looking over her shoulder at the homework. "What are the weirdo teachers making you do now?" 

"They're not weird." Y/N pouted adorably. "And this is an essay. I have to interview someone that I look up to. And I was going to ask you and Loki. Loki said to ask you since he was here first. Can I interview you? Please?" 

Bucky was touched that she looked up to him. "Yeah, of course you can Honey bear." 

Y/N beamed again. 

"But you gotta eat first." Sam said with a grin, putting the pizzas down on the counter. Steve got up to help him with the plates. 

"Did you get all of the homework except the essay done?" Tony asked, kissing the side of his daughters head. 

She nodded and said, "But I would like Dr. Bruce to look over my science homework please." 

"Of course I will." Bruce answered, "And you know that you can just call me Bruce, kiddo." 

"I know!" Y/N answered, putting her homework back in her backpack. "But I want to be resp- respectable." 

"Here Angel." Sam said, handing her a plate with two pizza slices on it. 

"Thank you!" 

"So what did you say earlier when I told you Tony wanted to get you a pony?" Nat asked, throwing Tony a teasing smile. 

Y/N giggled, lighting up the moods of every person in the room, "He's silly! We don't have room for a pony!" 

"Sure we do." Tony protested. "We have plenty of space inside!" 

Y/N shook her head and continued to giggle. "Let's get a puppy instead! Or a bunny! Or me and Teddy could get a baby bear!" 

"I like that idea!" Bucky perked up and he held out his fist gently so she could bump it as hard as she could. 

Steve shook his head in amusement. 

They finished dinner quickly. Bucky, Sam, and Y/N ran around the living room, chasing each other with pillows while Bruce looked over Y/N's science homework and the others chatted casually. 

Y/N squealed as Bucky picked her up and flew her over his head. "I'm flying!" 

"Yes you are angel." Sam grinned. "Flying straight-" He leapt up and grabbed her out of Bucky's arms "-into my arms." 

"No!" Y/N giggled, trying to get away. "Daddy! Daddy the monster got me!" 

Tony chuckled and 'rescued' her from Sam's grasp. "Ah! Now daddy's the hero isn't he!" 

Bucky 'gently' kicked Tony in the balls. Tony groaned, lowering Y/N to the ground to cover his private parts. Y/N didn't notice, as Steve held his arms out, getting down on one knee and said, ""The princess needs to come home to the castle now." 

"My prince!" Y/N squealed, throwing herself into Steve's arms and laughing as he picked her up and then carried her off to bed. 

"Ow, what was that for?" Tony complained, now that Y/N was out of earshot. 

Bucky chuckled, "I think you should be more worried about your daughter calling Steve her prince." 

Tony snorted, "No, I think I should be more worried about giving her siblings in the future." 

The others roared with laughter. 

"Read me a bedtime story?" Y/N asked Steve happily. 

Steve smiled, going over to her bookcase and pulling out a huge book that contained every fairy tale in the world. It was heavy and thick, with old parchment and old hand drawn illustrations. They were also the original fairy tales too, so not the new ones that had been re-written. 

"Which one do you want to hear tonight?" Steve asked, flipping open the book carefully. Him, Sam, Clint, and Rhodey had taken turns reading every single story in here to her. 

"Um, the one about Little Red Riding Hood!" She said happily, wrapping her arms around a teddy bear that Wanda had given her for Christmas. 

"Okay." Steve said softly, opened up the page, and read until she fell asleep.

[zenaidamacrouras1]

The second to last Chapter of Unpredictable Synchronicity. It's kind of sad. Sad puppy. The horrors are so much sometimes.

[buckys-arm-and-rios-dagger]

Soldier Boy is a bad dude and I hate him but also watching the video of him being tortured by the Russians is making me think about Bucky when he was captured by HYDRA... Like I doubt they were shoving machine guns in his mouth and shit, but still like...the experiments they probably did on him...

[daydreamerdrew]

Captain America 65th Anniversary Special (2006) #1

[tny-strk-lvr]

GUYS READ THIS

Im crying!!!

It's so good

11/10

I Just finished my first fanfic!

The question is: is this going to encourage me to finish and post my other WIPs or not? 🙃

*posts and runs away*

[narutardad]

Three

Loch was surprised to arrive in Canada and see that there was indeed a S.H.I.E.L.D base. Hidden as a former post office, the jet landed on the roof of a huge brick building on Adelaide Street in Toronto. As they touched down, the Quinjet disengaged stealth mode, and the group within exited onto the roof. Two agents awaited them outside a rooftop fire exit.

"Welcome to the Great White North, Agents." one of the two agent’s said, a wry smile playing on his lips. He seemed to be nearly rocking on his heels in what Loch sensed was excitement. "I'm Agent Burrows, and this is Agent DeSwan. Follow us, please."

Loch followed as the caboose of the march, taking her time to look over the edge of the building to see the streets below. The streets of Toronto were… very similar to New York except there wasn’t hoards of people walking in packs like buffalo. There was a strange smell in the air. Almost like salt water fish in the hot sun.

Entering the building, they were met with more agents who handed them security badges, burner phones and some other identification that they would need. Loch had never really been through all of this before, so when she finally stood there with her fake ID and files piled to her chin, she admittedly felt a little overwhelmed. Lochlyn didn’t even have time to ask any questions before they were escorted to their respective cars to be relocated to their safe houses.

Sam stood next to the two agents who flew with the group and was getting into the large black jeep in front of another smaller car. A dusty grey Nissan that looked like it needed a serious repaint. Bucky was loading several large duffle bags into the trunk of the Nissan and slammed the lid closed.

“Okay.” The soldier began, resting against the side of the vehicle. Sam wandered over and so did Loch. “Everyone knows what we’re doing?”

Sam nodded but Loch shook her head. She hadn’t really been paying attention when Agent DeSwan was briefing them. She was too concerned at looking through all the new documents and things she had been given.

“We’re gonna meet at our rendezvous point at four o’clock. Sam, your safe house is closest to the last known incident. You’re gonna be scoping that area for anything that might tell you where our guy went.”

            “Since when were you in charge?” Sam asked with a playful smile. Bucky shot him a disinterested look but continued.

            “Loch, you and I are on surveillance duty. We’re just gonna walk around Toronto and see if we can catch this guy in the act. Maybe we can catch him before he does anything else stupid.”

            “What do we do if we see him?” she asked, now feeling clod feet creep up on her.

            “You’ll stay back and I’ll try and deal with it. If thing’s go sour…”

            “You call me and we’ll sort it out. You’re a last resort. Don’t expose our trump card, okay?” Sam finished for his partner, giving Loch a firm but gentle order. Loch nodded, knowing this was very important that she didn’t blow it. This guy was dangerous. And she’d fucked things up before. She couldn’t let it happen again.

            “Okay, now that everyone is aware of the plan, we split up and get to work.”

            Loch and Bucky piled into the Nissan and Sam into the Jeep. They peeled off in opposite directions, and Loch could finally get a good look at the city up close. She knew she shouldn’t expect much from a large city, but it was… disappointing. Loch saw homeless encampments, people passed out on the sides of the streets, their heads lolled back, dazed. Trash bags lined the curbs the further away from the Post office they drove.

            “It’s not… as nice as I thought.” Loch found herself saying out loud. Bucky looked over for a second as they came to a red light.

            “Things are tough up here. Especially where we’re going.”

            “It’s a shame we can’t help them… S.H.I.E.L.D should help them. They have the money and resources.” Loch mewed slightly, her heart sinking as the neighborhoods seemed to look more like slums.  

            “S.H.I.E.L.D doesn’t operate like that. You know that. This is for the Canadian government to fix…”

            Loch sighed, and her eyes fell on a group of kids standing around a lamp post. They didn’t look much older than fifteen or sixteen, but they were all puffing great white clouds of scented vapor from their tank sized vapes. Lochlyn shook her head and forced herself to look away from the window.

            The ride to the safe house wasn’t long after that. No more than ten minutes later they were parked outside a moderate sized house. The windows had closed curtains and the yard was poorly kept. More trash bags lined the end of the drive way and a grey tabby cat sat unmoving on the front porch.

            “I guess this is it.” Bucky said as he looked at the house from the car. Loch gazed at the horrendous excuse for a house, and nodded.

            The two of them got out of their car, and Bucky grabbed both the duffle bags from the trunk, carrying them over his shoulders like they were filled with feathers. Loch new otherwise, as she had tried to help, only to nearly fall over from the weight.

            The inside was no better than the outside. The carpet was stained, but even without the stains that smelled oddly of cat piss, the disgusting grey and brown color of the pattern was an eyesore. The furniture, that looked like it was from the early 90’s, was covered in plastic and a thick layer of dust. The whole main living room smelled like mold, and old cigarettes.

            The kitchen was small, modest and filthy. Everything was dusty, and there was old grease splattered and solidified on the backsplash. The kitchen also consisted of a tiny circular table and two chairs, one missing a leg.

            Loch dragged one of the duffle bags to the back bedroom. There was no bed, but inside the duffle bag were two collapsible cots used for camping. It also contained some blow-up mattresses and think fire blankets.

            “They couldn’t send us with pillows at least?” Loch complained under her breath as she pulled out the sleeping equipment and started to pitch the cots. She was relieved to see that the mattresses were at least powered by a motor to inflate, so she plugged them into the dirty, old sockets and let them inflate.

            Bucky entered the bedroom carrying the second duffle bag. He threw it down on the floor next to one of the cots and began to go through it. Loch watched as he removed two AR rifles and several other weapons like handguns and knives. She tried not to watch, and kept her attention on the mattresses. Sometimes, Loch completely forgot who Bucky was at work. It’s not like she was often deployed on missions with him. She was so used to the quiet but funny introvert who liked staying home with a game of Risk, or hanging around the compound bar and having a few beers he could never get drunk off of.

            Loch surveyed the makeshift sleeping area when she was finished; a stark contrast to the usual comforts of home. The room, devoid of any personal touches, emanated an air of transience that didn’t feel… like… well she couldn’t describe it exactly. It felt empty. It reminded her a lot of Bucky’s apartment.

She stole a glance at Bucky, who was meticulously arranging the arsenal of weaponry on the floor. The dichotomy between the mundane act of setting up cots and the arsenal of lethal instruments laid bare the duality of their lives. She didn’t even know how to shoot a gun. She didn’t need to. She was a walking loaded weapon herself. Her emotions like a finger on the trigger, and the safety was off.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky’s voice broke through the silence, and Lochlyn’s thoughts. She jolted a little, looking over at Bucky. He was seated on the floor, now looking at her with a puzzled gaze. She immediately put on a fake smile.

“Nothin’. Just thinking about stuff.”

“About what stuff?”

“Stuff that’s none of your business.” She said, feeling a little passive aggressive. Bucky didn’t seem to take it personally and gave her a hard stare. She knew this look. The ‘if I try hard enough, I can read your mind’ look. She clicked her tongue and sighed, rolling her eyes in an exaggerated manner.

“Knock it off. It’s not gonna work.”

He remained silent, continuing to stare her down as if all he needed was sheer determination. She groaned, pulling off her boot and throwing it across the room at him. Bucky batted it out of the way with his arm and laughed.

“I almost had it. You ruined my concentration.”

“Boy, the only thing you concentrate on is being an absolute fucking goof, mkay?” Loch quipped playfully before retrieving her boot. The super soldier held his hand over his heart with a smile.

“Oof, ouch my heart. You’re verbally abusing me. I’m gonna report you to HR when we get back.” He said sarcastically, only to be clobbered again by Lochlyn’s boot.

“Report that, hm?” she snickered and smacked him in the shoulder with the boot before balancing on her other foot to put it back on. Bucky pushed himself to his feet, brushing dust from the carpet off of his jeans. Loch managed to get her boot back on and the soldier clapped his hand on her back.

“Lunch? Before we have to meet up with Sam?”

***

Bucky and Loch enjoyed sandwiches on their walk through the city. Subway seemed to be the cheapest option, so Bucky enjoyed a cold cut with green peppers and olives, meanwhile Lochlyn chowed upon a chicken, bacon, ranch club; minus the ranch. The streets of Toronto seemed to have some kind of music playing from everywhere. Shops were crammed shoulder to shoulder like sardines in a can with outdoor displays for consumers to browse. There were a lot of eye-catching things from street food to cheap carnival plushies that you wouldn’t even think about spending three dollars, let alone ten.

Honestly, the streets could bee in hellfire and chaos, but Lochlyn was just happy to walking around with Bucky. She walked alongside him, her arm laced through his, which his hand was buried in the pocket of his thin jacket. Their shoulders bumped lightly as they walked, but neither seemed to mind.

“Aside from the fact we’re looking for a psychopath; this is a nice vacation away from the compound.” Bucky said through the last bite of his sandwich. Loch shrugged, agreeing with him. He was right, it was nice.

“Yeah, nice to get away from… well… you know.”

“Your mom?”

“Everyone. It’s not that I don’t love my mom and Happy… and the Compound is like a second home, what with Clint and his family moving in… but it just-” she sighed, trying to string together what she was feeling.

“I get it… It was the same with me when I came back from Wakanda. People are so nice, but there’s always that… look they give you. Even if you’re prim, proper and put together.”

“But you got to prove to everyone that you can help. I haven’t gotten to show everyone that I’m just as capable.”

The two of them stepped up to a cross walk curb, waiting for the signal to walk. When it changed, they stepped off the curb and onto the tarmac. Loch was staring at the ground, thinking about if she could really prove herself. She didn’t want people to look at her like she couldn’t handle herself in a fight. She knew she could never fill the shoes of her father, or even the big six, but she had to prove she was useful.

Loch didn’t have time to look up when the sound of screeching tires came hurtling towards Bucky and her. The sound of metal scratching against metal as the car was crushed upon impact. Screams and cries of the people in the general vicinity watching as debris flew in every direction. Loch saw a flash of red light as Bucky’s arms shielded her from the collision.

But it was unnecessary. The impact never hit them. In fact, when Loch and Bucky eased up and looked around, there was a perfectly circular rea with car parts littering the road. A totaled chevy was tossed to the side of the road, the entire front of the vehicle seemed to be cut off. Melted by what looked like two extremely precise lasers. A huge trench lied in the black tarmac leading to the front of the car, which was smoking.

Bucky and Loch looked around, noticing the source of the screaming was not aimed towards the nearly flaming vehicle, but rather the man levitating a few feet above the wreckage. Loch and Bucky recognized him immediately as the target. The man they were looking for. He was clad in red, black and white with a long cape billowing behind him. He looked like someone straight out of a comic book. That bright ken doll hair and unnerving blue eyes that looked down at them.

“And just when I thought I was saving two innocent civilians.” The man spoke, his voice echoing around them like it was being broadcasted in their heads. Loch only had to meet his eyes once to know he was a horrible man. The way he stared back at her. He could see into her soul. It wasn’t even a question. This guy was bad.

“Bucky…”

“Relax, Loch. Just stay back.” Bucky’s voice was firm and serious as he stepped in front of Loch defensively.

“Okay, look Clark Kent, we don’t want to fight you. Just… ground yourself so we can talk about this.” Bucky barked at him as he pulled the leather gloves off his hands, exposing the black and gold Vibranium arm he kept hidden. The man seemed disinterested in what Bucky was saying, cocking his head to the side dangerously to look past the super soldier.

“Does this mudman speak for you?” he asked, directing his question at Lochlyn, who didn’t reply. She couldn’t understand why he was even talking to her.

“No, no, don’t look at her. Look at me.” Bucky yelled again, before tearing off the sleeve of his jacket to have full range of his arm. The gold joints and groves glistened in the later afternoon light.

“First of all, show a little respect. It’s Guiding Star to you.” He scoffed with a sneer, “Secondly, you really think I’m interested in your little prosthetic after that amazing display of raw power? You’re laughable.” The man mocked the soldier, slowly floating down towards the ground where he touched down, light as a feather. Loch grabbed her phone and quickly began to dial Sam’s number, holding the phone up to her ear. Bucky still standing between her and the stranger. It rang twice before Sam’s voice picked up.

“Loch? What’s ha-”

“Sam. He’s here. And he’s mad…. We need your help. Now. Dundas and Starling.” She said quickly before hanging up. She knew Sam would find them using Redwing. Right now, she needed to focus.

“Look buddy, I don’t know what your whole… gimmick is, but that death ray thing you’re doing. You gotta stop.” Bucky spoke confidently, really showing no fear. Loch didn’t know how he could speak with the confidence of a bull. The man stood unconcerned, an unpleasant smile on his thin lips. Loch didn’t like it. He looked at Bucky like he was a bug, or a lizard, and he wanted nothing more than to step on him.

The tension in the air crackled like electricity, but Bucky remained surprisingly composed. Lochlyn, on the other hand, felt the weight of the situation sinking in as she anxiously awaited Sam's arrival. The stranger's unsettling smile only added to her unease.

Bucky, undeterred by the stranger's indifference, continued, “I don't know what comic con convention you came from, but you need to come with us. I’d really rather arrest you without the whole… yanno, punching and shooting thing.”

The man laughed, before aiming a punch directly at Bucky, who braced himself for impact. Lochlyn’s heart sank as she watched as if in slow motion, the man’s powerful fist come within a half an inch of Bucky’s face before his hand hit dead air. The shockwave of the collision sent the man backwards, flying into a parked bakery truck. The pavement cracked from where he had been standing, due to the shock.

Bucky lowered his arms, looking around before looking back to Loch, who was staring down the spot where the man had been catapulted into a truck. Her eyes crackled with a toxic looking yellow light that flickered like what could only be described as the power of a hundred nuclear bombs.

Bucky began to push her back, shaking Loch by the shoulders. She blinked a few times, looking at Bucky in shock. She had a headache that pulsated at her temples and the fear but also pride in Bucky’s eyes told her something really bad just happened.

“Lochlyn. We need to get out of here… that was amazing, but we have to go find S-”

Bucky didn’t finish as a blur powered right into him, taking him off his feet and dragged him deep through the rubble of the road. All Loch had to do was blink, and Bucky was ten feet away from her, buried deep under rock as the stranger floated above him, dusting off his hands as if he had touched something foul.

There were hardly any people around now, but the sound of police cruisers could be heard approaching from the distance. Loch looked around for anyone. She had never seen someone take Bucky down like that. So… fast.

Lochlyn felt a surge of panic as she scanned the area for any signs of help. The stranger, seemingly unbothered by the approaching sirens, turned his attention to her. He slowly walked towards her, a look of amusement and twisted curiosity in his almost too perfect face His eyes glowed with an unsettling energy, and she could feel the weight of his gaze on her. As the anxiety built up inside her, she could feel the boiling energy tingling throughout her body.

"You're quite the anomaly, aren't you?" he remarked, his voice carrying an otherworldly echo. Lochlyn clenched her fists, readying herself for whatever might come next. He cocked his head again, and Loch saw it once more. That arrogant, pompous glint. He thought he was better. She could see it in him. He thought he was a God.

Before the stranger could make another move, a burst of wings announced the arrival of Sam, soaring down with Redwing by his side. He circled over the roof tops for a second before landing down with a puff of dust between them. Lochlyn's relief was palpable, but the stranger seemed unfazed, and that worried her. A super soldier couldn’t handle him… what if Sam couldn’t?

"Step away from her," Sam demanded, his wingspan expanding as if to shield Lochlyn from any potential threat. He held the iconic red white and blue shield on his arm as if challenging him.

The stranger chuckled, a sound that sent shivers down Lochlyn's spine. "Ah, the Falcon. How quaint. I thought they’d send someone a little more… relevant.”

“It’s Captain America to you, asshole. Why don’t you put it in park before anyone else gets hurt?”

The man boastfully laughed, throwing the deepest disrespect in every breath.

“You’re not Captain America. Captain America is dead. You’re just the diversity hire because the real Celebrity kicked the bucket.”

The sound of rubble being pushed over with a groan as Bucky pulled himself from under a rather large piece of concrete.

“You disrespectful bastard.”

Sam's eyes blazed with fury, and Lochlyn could feel the tension in the air. The stranger's words lingered like a bitter taste, but Sam didn't let it deter him. He stepped forward, shield raised high.

“I might not be Steve Rogers, but I damn well earned this shield. And I won’t let you disrespect everything he stood for.” Sam's voice carried a weight that echoed through the desolate street.

“Blah, blah, blah. Did you rehearse that? It sounds like you rehearsed. Anyways, you little people bore me.” He sighed. Loch watched it happen at the speed of light. The man’s eyes glowed a threatening red before two blazing hot beams of pure condensed light came flying at Sam took a knee and deflected it with his shield. It didn’t pierce it, but the beam ricocheted and hit a building, smashing several windows in the process. It left a deep black scorch mark across the vibrant paint. The man repeated, each time, the impact driving Sam further back. Loch could see him struggling, the sweat beading down his face. He was laughing Maniacally as police cars began to surround the area. Police in uniform aimed their firearms at him. He stopped laughing and threw a disgusted look at the authorities before leveling his gaze across the crowd.

Loch was paralyzed as she watched the blood and gore explode. Police officers were decapitated, and sliced in half with the force of pure heat. Blood sprayed, coating her face and hair. Sam and Bucky ducted for cover, screaming for Loch to snap out of it as she watched blindly as the carnage flood the streets with blood. The sirens faded in her ears as she felt her own blood pumping through her head, beating like violent drums.

“LOCHLYN! LOCHLYN, WE NEED TO FALL BACK! LOCH!” Bucky yelled at her, dragging the agent by her wrist. Her legs moved as if on auto pilot, but she couldn’t focus. Not on what Bucky was saying. Not on the screams, or the flying hands that hit the puddles of blood with sickening splashes. She could however, hear the sound of the man’s laughter as he slaughtered the police in droves like cattle.

When the screaming faded and Loch was finally able to hear Bucky through the pounding headache and echo of the laughter stuck in her head, she felt like a brick of lead was sitting in her stomach. Covered in blood, all she could smell was metal. It made her sick. The three of them clambered down an alleyway, collapsing against the wall. Bucky looked the worse for wear, with a huge gash across his cheek that was smearing blood across is face. That was nothing compared to the amount of gore Sam and Loch were covered in. Sam was trying to wipe his goggles off, but Loch just sat. Staring at the ground, the fresh memory of what just happened playing in front of her eyes like a cinematic movie.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Bucky was the first one of the trio to say anything. Sam was shaking his head as if trying to convince himself that the events that had just transpired… hadn’t. Loch had no words. She still couldn’t get over what she had just seen.

“Lochlyn, you good?” Sam asked, looking over to see Loch in a state of mental paralysis. She shook her head, eyes wide as she stared at her feet. Lochlyn could feel only two things in that moment as the adrenaline of fear faded from her mind. Rage and shock.

“Sam… I don’t know if I can do this…” Loch said blatantly, blinking as she looked up and stared at both men who gazed at her with surprised looks. They knew better than anyone that Loch never threw the towel in on a mission.

“I just mean… I want to…” Lochlyn broke her gaze and stared back down at her feet, clenching her fist in anger. The hatred she felt spreading through her chest like a virus… she didn’t like this, “all those cops…” she released her fists and held her head as she felt an earth rattling headache coming on.

Even when Bucky dropped himself down next to her, groaning as he leaned into the wall, she didn’t look up. He tossed his arm around her shoulders, exhauster from being dragged through concrete. Pulling her close, he sighed, but kept his silence.

“I want to rip him apart…” Lochlyn whispered, barely loud enough for even Bucky to hear over the oncoming ambulance sirens. It only made the electricity in her brain spike out of control. Flashes of bodies played in her mind, each like a bomb going off in her brain.

“I know, kid. But you know that won’t solve anything. We need to bring him in. Play by the rules.”

“Come on guys, we should report back. I’ll call for a car to come get us.” Sam spoke up, now on his feet. His once blue and white uniform now crusted with drying blood.

***

Arriving back at the post office, the S.H.I.E.L.D agents were more than accommodating and understanding. When Agent Burrows came to pick them up from the alleyway, he was horrified. Loch was dead silent the whole ride. She couldn’t stop thinking about the North Guardian or whatever he called himself… That disgusting smile and the way he carried himself. Calling Bucky a mudman as if he was subhuman.

The car engine shuddered, making a dangerous sound, and Lochlyn caught herself; exhaling to relax. She leaned into Bucky who was in the back seat with her. His arm still draped around her as if it could shield her from all the horrible things racing through her mind. It didn’t work.

When she was debriefed back at Headquarters, Loch got the sense that her fellow agents were treading very lightly upon eggshells. Instead of asking her questions right away, like Bucky and Sam, they let her shower, get dressed in clean clothes, and tried to give her something to eat. She denied it, leaving the McDonalds burger on the table. She was so grateful when it was all over. She only lost her temper once, which did startle Agent Burrows, but he brushed it off with a nervous laugh and continued.

Bucky awaited her arrival outside the debriefing room. He was now cleaned up, a heavy hoodie over a pair of grey sweats. He had both his hands full with a Styrofoam cups of piping hot coffee. As soon as they saw each other, Bucky pushed off from the wall he was leaning on.

As Loch approached Bucky, her exhaustion evident in the lines on her face. The weight of recent events seemed to have settled on her shoulders, but there was a glimmer of gratitude in her eyes as she took one of the coffee cups from him.

"Thanks," she murmured, cradling the warm cup in her hands. The aroma of the coffee wafted through the air, a welcome comfort in the midst of chaos. She felt so empty inside, which was only amplified when she felt the hot liquid boil like lava as it trickled down her throat. She walked with the super soldier, neither of them saying much. Lochlyn was oh so grateful for that. She didn’t know what she was supposed to say. Loch half hoped she could just forget, but knew that was an impossibility.

            Bucky and Loch were chaperoned back to their safe house, where the two agents were dropped off on the curbside. Loch sighed, her cup of coffee now two thirds empty. She wished for more coffee. Loch really didn’t know if she could continue this mission. Her heart ached as Bucky wrapped his arm around her and began to walk the silent agent towards the house.

            Once inside, that musty, old mold smell almost snapped Lochlyn out of her trance.Bucky had wandered off to the kitchen to dispose of his now empty coffee cup. She looked around, and as if she was reliving the trauma right in the living room of the dilapidated safe house, she felt the tears swelling. This whole time, she had tried to keep a stone-cold face, showing very little emotion aside from shock. It was like a crack had formed in her façade. And like a dam; one crack spread like a web and soon, the floodgates were gushing.

            Loch stood in the closed doorway, sniffling pathetically. Her shoulders shook but she was unable to prevent the onslaught of tears which fell down her face.

            As if called by a dog whistle that only the Winter soldier could hear, Bucky came rushing into the living room. There was a look of calm concern across his face as he hurried to Loch’s side. The lights within the safe house seemed to faintly flicker as each tear hit the carpet with a muddled ‘thup’.

            “W…why did… i… come?” she croaked, her voice breaking with every syllable. “I… I’m… n-not ready… for… this.”

            The soldier gripped Loch tightly to him, and she found herself crying like a pathetic child into his chest. Her eyes leaving wet stains on the sweatshirt he wore. Bucky did not care in the slightest. He gently stroked the back of her head; as she wrapped her arms tightly around his torso. He was soft, and his body gave off a comforting warmth. His heart beat was slow and soothing, but her mind continued to race.

            “I…I’m sorry…” Lochlyn sniffled, pulling away from Bucky in the hopes of sparing his sweater from any more snot and tears. Bucky sighed, but didn’t let go of his embrace.

            “Don’t…” Bucky said, resting his chin on the top of her head, “You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t go apologizing for shit you didn’t do.”

            This only made Lochlyn cry harder. She didn’t know what she did to deserve such patience and sympathy from Bucky. She just squeezed her eyes shut, burying her face in his sweater, inhaling a deep, shaky breath. With his cool, smooth metal fingers, Bucky gently tugged at Lochlyn’s hand, lacing their fingers together as he held her waist.

            “Just breathe, I’m here… this too will pass.” He muttered to her, planting an ever so delicate kiss to her temple. The ache in Loch’s chest slowly dulled, but did not go away.

Bucky continued to hold her, providing a sense of solace in the midst of the storm raging inside her. The rhythmic sound of his heartbeat against her ear started to synchronize with her breathing. Lochlyn clung to the warmth of his touch, feeling the reassurance that she wasn't alone in this darkness. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, an unspoken understanding passing between them. Bucky knew he couldn't erase the pain, but he could be a steady anchor in the turbulence. After a while, Loch dreaded letting go.

[thewintersoldier111]

(Sad warning) This story is about Fem!reader self harming, and Bucky finding out. (Trigger warning! Blood, wounds, and cussing!) There might be some misspelling, but not everything is perfect. You all are amazing! Love you all! 💕

Your brother Bucky is the best brother ever. No doubt about it. He's kind, sweet, caring, and even though he's not that way towards others that much, when it comes to you, his sister, he's a complete softy around you.

But last night you both had a major argument. The biggest argument in a while, and you actually were really scared of him. The way he yelled, raised his voice and stepped in front of you, towering over you. It was fucking terrifying.

You knew Buck would never hurt you. Hell, even lay a single finger on you. But you couldn't help but feel afraid, knowing all too well that Bucky could lift you up with his bare hand and throw you across the room.

You both were just having a normal argument that night, just back talking to each other and saying rude things. But it quickly got worse when you said, "Yeah, and no one likes you because your a fucking killer and you dont want to admit that fact." Bucky instantly went quiet, and that's when he started yelling at you, telling you that you were a horrible person and sister, that he wished you dead.

Why the hell would he say such a thing? Maybe because you have said that to him a few times before? Who knows. But the way he said it to you like he was dead serious made something trigger something deep in you.

You went to bed that night, the air filled with tension, even though you guys were both in your own rooms across from each other in the Stark Tower.

You closed the door and locked it, making sure to lock it quietly for Buck not to hear. You knew Bucky wasn't going to come to your door after the heated argument, but you locked the door just in case anyway. You took in a shaky breath, his words echoing in your head.

*"Yeah mother fucker! I wish you fucking dead!"* Just those words made your heart pound and tears run down your face.

You looked up, looking to your right at the dresser that held the blade in the bottom drawer under some socks. You stared at the drawer, contemplating whether to grab the blade or just forget it and go to bed and sleep your worries away.

You weren't going to do that though. Tonight was just too much, and you knew that you had to do something about these worries and wash them away. You slowly walked to your drawer and crouched down.

You reached your hand out, gripping the drawer handle and opening it. As you did, pairs of socks, underwear, and a few bras. You reached in and grabbed the pair of socks and there it was. Your blade.

You stared at it, your eyes never leaving it. You swallowed thickly and grab it gently, the corner almost cutting your finger just by the smallest touch. The blade glimmered in the moonlight that shined through the window in your room.

You stood up and held it in your hand. You walked over to your bed and sat down on the edge. You sighed, trying to think if you should do this again. You do this almost daily, cutting yourself when you have the time to.

You closed you eyes, taking a deep breath in to calm your racing heart. You exhaled out slowly and then opened your eyes. You looked down and then started to roll up your pant leg of your baggy pants that were black.

As you did so, tones of scars and fresh cuts that you did yesterday were littered all over your thigh. It was something you felt calm over. Hurting yourself made all the pain and worries fade. You found it satisfying to look at the cuts and scars. You looked at the blade in your hand once more, getting a good look at it, almost like you were making sure it was really there in your hand, or that it wouldn't fade away.

You then slowly but surely put the blade to your thigh, pressing the sharp tip to your skin, feeling the cool metal almost threaten to poke through the skin. You then took a deep breath in, pressed down and swiped your skin quickly.

Your breath hitched, and you didn't even dare look at the cut for a moment, knowing that the cut was really deep, just by how it started to slightly burn and sting. Your hands trembled, but felt your mind slowly becoming numb. You then after a few seconds looked, and your eyes wided as you looked at the deep cut on your thigh.

It was deeper than the rest you have done in a while. You watched the blood quickly start dripping down the side of your thigh and into the wooden floor. *"Thank God we have wood floors and not carpet"* You thought in your head.

You hesitate, wondering if you should cut yourself again or call it a night. You thought deeply, but did it anyway. You pressed the blade to your thigh, and once again, dragged the blade against your skin quickly. Your heart raced and you looked at the two deep wounds you created, and you knew it was going to be a pain in the ass to patch up due to how much it was bleeding.

You shakily sat the blade down on the bedside table and then just watched the blood drip onto the floor, making little, *"tap,.. tap,.. tap"* sounds against the floor. You knew you shouldn't bleed out too much, but the words Bucky said to you still dance in your head, spurring you on to bleed out more than you really should.

After about three minutes, the blood started to stop dripping, only dripping slowly. A pool of blood was on the floor below your thigh. You felt off now, your head more light than it should be. It felt as though you were in the clouds. Like you were on a drug.

"Y/n... Can we talk?" Bucky says through the bedroom door, and your heart completely sinks right to the pit of your stomach. You could have sworn you almost threw up, that's how scared and nervous you just got. You didn't know what to do.

You were almost panicking. Your heartbeat increased and your head spun slightly. You quickly pulled down your pant leg, the cuts instantly stinging. You almost hissed out loud, but held it back. You were basically panicking, and you took a deep breath in... and out. You didn't know how to think or what to do.

You ran a hand through your hair. "Y/n?... I can hear you. Open up,... Please" Bucky says, softer this time. He could sense something was wrong, and he didn't know what it was. But he could tell that just by the way he heard your heavy breathing that you tried to put under control... And a strange smell he couldn't quite put together. He knew he needed to know if you were okay.

You swallowed thickly, your saliva coating your dry mouth. You took in a deep breath and slowly walked towards the door, making sure not to make your wounds worse. You hesitated to open the door, nervous to even look at Bucky.

You knew you couldn't wait any longer, knowing well enough that Bucky hated when he didn't get an answer from anyone. You then put your hand to the doorknob, unlocking it slowly, trying your best to be quiet while you do it. You then sighed heavily and opened the door. Bucky stood there, in his usual sweat pants and no shirt since it was bedtime.

His instant words caught you off guard. "Why was the door locked" He said in a worried yet stern tone that sent a chill down your spine. Fuck, what were you going to do? You stood there pale in the face, breath ragged. What were you going to say or do? You were so bad at making up stuff that you knew he would notice you lying.

"I-... I just-... I didn't want to be disturbed tonight is all" you say with a shaky breath, you heart racing faster than it was just a minute ago before you opened the door.

Bucky stood staring at you, but to your luck, he took a step back, looking you up and down from head to toe, and his heart sank. He stared at your hands, your hands bloody and shaky. His breath hitched as he saw the big blood spot on your thigh, your blood soaking through, and he quickly grabbed your arm, his grip firm yet gentle.

"What did you do?..." He says quickly, his heart pounding faster and faster. You stared up at him, not knowing what to do or even say in that moment. "It's nothing-" You say, but get cut off. "Don't you dare lie to me. What the fuck did you-" Bucky looks up, into your room and he feels sick almost instantly.

His eyes went wide as he stared at the pool of blood on the floor, and then at the blade on your bed, and he knew this was his fault. It was all his fault. He did this to you and he didn't know what to do. You stared at him, your eyes watering with tears. "Buck-" You get cut off again. "No... No, no, no" He says and shakes his head. He lets out a breath, a tear rolling down his face. He grips your arm a little more and quickly leads you to the bathroom.

You stayed silent as he did so. He picks you up as you reach the bathroom and sets you on the sink. He doesn't say anything as he quickly crouches and gets a first aid kit underneath the sink. He pulls it out and sits at your side on the sink. He opens it up and looks at you. "Y/n..." He says, his eyes full of worry, fear, sadness, and tears.

"Pull down your pants" He says gently, another tear going down his face as he speaks, his voice wavering.

"Bucky... I-... Please, I don't want you to see..." You say, scared and full of worry.

"Listen to me," Bucky starts sternly and full of worry. "Take your pants off. I don't give a fuck about anything else. Just-..." He lets out a small sob. "Pl-please... Just-" He couldn't even finish his sentence as he felt himself about to break down, his heart almost shattering.

You let out a small sob as well, sniffling as you both cry. You don't hesitate and simply take your pants off, putting them down to your knees. Bucky looks at the cuts and his eyes go wide at the deep wounds on your left thigh, and the scars littering your thighs. His stomach starts to feel upset, almost on the verge of puking.

The cuts are still bleeding, but not as bad as they once were. Bucky grabs the toilet paper and grabs some of it. He puts it to your wounds, making you hiss at the contact. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Bucky says under his breath and wipes off the dry blood a bit. He then puts the bloody toilet paper in the toilet, flushing it and then grabs gauze pads and puts it on the cuts.

He grabs a big bandage and starts to bandage your leg up, careful not to hurt your wounds. You watch him, his shaky hands working on you, and you almost feel like you were drowning in guilt from how this affected Bucky.

You didn't know Bucky was going to come to your bedroom door just minutes ago. And if you did, you would have never done this at all.

Bucky then looks at his work, seeing you all patched up making him feel just the slightest bit better. But of course, he wasn't feeling better though. He was far from that. He knew this was his fault, and he will never forgive himself for it either. He stares at the bandage over your wounds for longer then he should.

He soon looks into your eyes, not caring to put the stuff back into the first aid. He looks deep into your eyes, his eyes full of tears, sadness, and pure guilt. You stare back into his eyes, and you let out a small sob. He sniffles and cups your face, making you look at him, his forehead leaning against your's.

"I'm so- so fucking sorry... " Bucky says through tears. "I never meant it... I- I never meant it... I-..i don't want you-..." He sobs and leans his head against your shoulder, wrapping his arms around you. "I don't want you gone... You-... You mean so much to me... Please don't go... Please don't" Bucky says as he sobs against your shoulder.

You sob and clutch onto him tightly, your body shaking with each sob that racks your body. Hot tears run down your cheeks.

"Im-im sorry... " You say sobbing against Buck's shoulder. "I thought it was for the better- and..." You say, but Bucky pulls back, looking into your eyes.

"Don't say that," Bucky says through a sniffle. "Don't you dare think- think that you deserve this,... that it's for the better..." He says and leans forward, kissing your forehead gently, his lips lingering there while you shake with sobs. "I love you so much... I fucking love you, you hear me?" He says as he lets out a sniffle. "You're my damn sister... I love you so much. More than anyone an' anything in this world" Bucky says while kissing your forehead again.

You whimper slightly as you sob, and you nod your head and babble, "I love you too" Your words send a warmth in Buck's chest, even though this moment is downright depressing. Bucky holds you closer than he has ever before, and slightly rocks you both while you both let out small sobs here and there.

After around twenty minutes, your eyes started to grow heavy, your eyes puffy and light pink from crying so much. Buck continues to hold you anyway, practically scared to let you go and let you go back to your room.

He doesn't let you though. "Come here" He whispers softly, picking you up carefully and slowly walking to his room with you in his arms. As you both reach his room, he closes the door behind him with a gentle 'Click' with his foot and walks over to his bed. He lays you down gently and softly.

He leans down and gets in bed slowly. As he does, he covers you both up and pulls you against his chest, your breath warm against his chest. He sighs shakily, a warm tear falling from his eye while he holds you close. As he does, he closes his eyes, and promises himself that from this day forward, he's going to take care and keep you safe no matter what the cost is.

----

This is so sad 😭 But I love it so much.

[teafangirl]

That does make sense, you bring up very good points! It does make his story so much more heartbreaking and sad! In history young men did get drafted a lot so that makes it hysterically accurate I guess! Whereas Steve has the more “hero accrete “ story , hero accrete as in , the brave hero risked his own life for his country, willing to go to war , die , got some super power , and happened to get frozen and well we all know cap’s story!

In my opinion tho Bucky , has the more “realistic “ or deep story. Man forced to go to war , gets captured, experimented on against his will, gets saved , by hero , then “dies” and gets recaptured.

He didn’t want any of that , it was all done to him ! His story is heartbreaking, and it’s sad that he was nearly a side character to Steve in a way ! The plot needed Steve to have someone to save , someone important, it obviously wasn’t going to be Peggy ! Going forward in Steve’s story Peggy becomes the one he fights to get back to , when she’s already dead , but his best friend is still there, Bucky needed Steve , only for Steve to leave , and go into the past to be with “his girl “ .

I am going to stop ranting, hopefully this makes sense, sure Peggy and Steve could have been cute I don’t think marvel really showed enough of them to make us root for the love story If that makes sense!

Anyway have a good day ! Feel free to add anything, always up for a chat ! ☕️

On the "Bucky was drafted"/"Bucky enlisted" debate, there's way more evidence in favor of him having been drafted than enlisting. Evidence that he enlisted feels very flimsy to me and mostly down to set errors and one passing continuity error, whereas him having been drafted seems far more set in stone/deliberate and plausible to me for three main reasons:

His disdain for the idea of joining the war at all. Bucky doesn't talk about enlisting and going off to war like a starry-eyed young lad who's been swept up by the pro-enlistment propaganda of the time, who thinks he'll look snazzy in the uniform or something similar that tragically many young men in that era genuinely did sign up over, he talks about going to war with vitriol. He argues about it with Steve, he's angry and hiding it well up until their talk at the Stark expo, and then composes himself after. Bucky doesn't give off pride, he gives off fear. I know the talk is about Steve wanting to enlist, in spite of his medical exemptions, and Bucky's very rational worry about that, there's also the reality that this is Bucky's last night in America for a while, potentially forever for all he knows. As a draftee, Bucky's bitterness in this scene hits a little harder, knowing he doesn't want to go but has to, and here his friend is not being forced to go but endangering himself anyway by breaking the law to lie his way in. There's a lot going on in that talk that isn't strictly only about Steve and what Steve wants. (We in fact know very little about what Bucky ever wants, other than that he likes technology and innovation and dancing...)

His 32557038 serial code. Bucky's dog tags are very historically accurate and go all the way back to the first Captain America movie where he's reciting his serial code over and over. 32 was for drafted men from either Delaware, New Jersey, or New York. (Steve's serial code on the other hand is a little nonsensical, historically speaking. I'm assuming this is because he was part of a top secret recruitment program and not part of the standard entry.)

Steve greatly admired and respected enlistees, and heavily romanticized the idea of enlisting, dreaming of serving in the same regiment that his father served in. Bucky in turn greatly admired Steve, it's very likely that Bucky just lied to Steve about enlisting because he wanted Steve's admiration. Bucky was a young man who, while he might not have been swept up in the propaganda and tragically naïve notions about the war, still had some naivety to him typical of the time. Bucky could well have gotten drafted, panicked, and ended up lying to Steve that he enlisted after all. Young people lie to people they want to impress all the time, it's a naïve and very relatable thing. It's likely that this lie then spiralled into Steve telling people Bucky enlisted, which then led to it becoming a Thing in history, since who's going to say Captain America is wrong about his own best friend???

This all makes what happens to him even more tragic, because Bucky never asked for any of it. He never signed up to be a super soldier, despite how people in TFATWS act, he never signed up to be an assassin who killed Howard and Maria, he never even signed up for the war. The only thing we see Bucky sign up for is following Steve as part of his task force. He's continually forced around by means beyond his control, both by the enemy and by his own allies. He's rarely shown making an informed choice of sound mind, and I specify sound of mind since the part of his brain in charge of decision making is like a "Christmas tree on psychotropic drugs" (Shuri, who's been in charge of his medical care for two years, says this) doesn't exactly scream "this man is able to make informed decisions on the fly".

[braveclementine]

Unspeakable Masterlist

I II III IV V

[pandagirl45]

My boyfriend helps me with so much unhinged ideas

Bucky wakes up in a 50s/60s/70s (not sure which) suburban neighhood (a fake world or dream state thing) and he is living an almost prefect life. Tony dressed in formal wear like usual but underneath is very catalog ready lingerie. It's all good until there are things that's aren't right and off. Then Bucky realizing it is not real because he remembers Howard being dead, Tony wouldn't marry him in a million years. A debate on if he can live and die here or wake up smell the ash.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Death Wish 5

Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of crime, violence/abuse and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: mob!Bucky Barnes

Part of the mob drabbles au

Summary: you’re desperate for a way out of your life and you ask a powerful man for help (plus!reader)

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

Photo Inspo

The car ride is silent. You don’t mind. You have nothing to say. 

Your thoughts race to a fury. This is it. It’s over. You’re in trouble. Not the sort that would have you sobbing under your blankets. No, it’s the kind you don’t walk away from. 

You replay that night in your head. Why did you do it? There was nothing different about that night. Nothing excessive. No, you were just tired of it.

Maybe this is for the best. Maybe the solution isn’t getting rid of your father. Maybe it’s you. It’s always been. He always hated you. All of you. 

Shadows flow over the car like waves in the ocean. The sky dims as evening deepens around the city. The wheels roll on with the silence. Tense and wrought. Driver nor passengers make a noise. 

Rogers drives beyond the city limits. You’ve heard your father tell the stories. He laughs with his accomplices about the latest snitch or thief. They die alone and begging. 

The warehouse stands like a skeleton against the moonlit sky. The shattered windows twinkle like the stars and the desolate lot sprawls like a swathe of black satin beneath the tires. The brakes lurch you forward and you catch yourself against the seat. 

“Out.” Rogers says. 

You don’t linger. You undo your seat belt and get out. There’s someone waiting to take care of you. To end it. Your eyes fill with tears. You’re not sad for yourself, you’re sad for your sisters. They’ll miss you. You didn’t tell them you loved them. 

As you stand outside the car, Rogers drives away. You’re left alone in the midst of the cracked pavement. You hug yourself with one arm and look around.

Will it be a quick shot? Will you be tortured? You remember your dad cackling about a man who had his nails removed from his fingers and toes. 

You flinch and whimper as metals rolls on a pulley. You look over as a large door opens upwards on its gears. A dark figure stands before the low glow from within. He signals with a hand. 

You go to them. Your heart pounds as you think of running. Of racing into the nothingness of the land. You won’t fare any better. 

As you near Barnes, he watches you calmly. He doesn’t look angry. He doesn’t appear as a man about to murder you. He seems entirely unbothered by your misdeed. You went above one of his men. You showed disloyalty. The worse sin among his ilk. 

He touches your arm as if he were welcoming you into a house party, “doll.” 

You look at him in confusion. Your eyes skim away from him. There’s a sheet of plastic hung from the ceiling. Behind it, a light shines although the curtain obscures it like oil in water. There’s a chair on the other side. You notice another sheet on the floor. 

He’s silent as his hand slides down your arm. He squeezes and lets you go. He yanks the chain to lower the door. The squeak is jarring in the silence. There’s something else. Like a hiss and creak. 

You startle again as he places his hand against your lower back. He walks you forward. Your steps are rigid and clunky. He takes you closer to the plastic curtain. 

“Please, my sisters...” 

He hushes you. You sniff back your voice and your tears spill over. He leads you past the curtain. You turn to look at the chair and find more than that. A man sits, bound and gagged. Your father. 

Your heart plummets and your legs shake. Without meaning to, you lean on Barnes. He runs his hand up your back and clutches your shoulder before he draws away. He makes you stand on your own weight. 

He marches toward your father. He squirms in the chair as the boss rounds him and stands behind it. He faces you, his eyes mellow against the fraught scene he presents to you. 

“I thought on your request. I don’t often linger on things. I...” he pauses and thinks. “I make decisions. Tough ones and I make them quickly, otherwise, people get hurt.” He grips your father’s shoulders and pulls him to sit straight. The bound man grumbles and tries to thrash against the cord wrapped around him. 

“I can’t kill him for you,” Barnes declares. Another tide of confusion swells over you. Why are you here? 

Barnes steps away from the chair, his eyes pinpointed on you. He comes closer as he flips the small strap of his holster open. He slides out his pistol. You brace yourself. It’s a twisted game. 

“Doll, you don’t ask for stuff like that. That’s not how it works,” He lifts the gun, offering it with the muzzle down. “You do that shit yourself.” 

You bat away the tears as they dry up. You stare at him then look down at the gun. The silver but gleams under the glow of the hanging lightbulb above. The metal cage around it casts lines across you like a prison cell. He's dangling the key before you.

Your breath clogs in your throat. 

“I did what I could. He’s right here. You get what you want but I don’t do your dirty work, doll,” he pushes the gun toward you. “You know how to aim?” 

You shake your head and peel your dry lips apart. You look him in the face. You beg him with watery eyes. 

“I can’t-- I’m not--” 

“You came to my office and you said you want him dead. You don’t say that if you don’t mean it.” He snarls. 

“I’m sorry-” 

“Ain’t no apologies that can undo that,” he snips. “You get it?” 

Your lip trembles. You don’t know what to do. What to say. It’s you or him. You dreamed of, you wished your father dead for years, but it was never real. Barnes is right though. You don’t say it out loud. You can’t take back those words. 

“I saw what he did to you. It’s still there.” He lifts his free hand and touches the scab on your lip. “And he did the same to your sisters, didn’t he? And your ma before she died.” 

“Stop,” you beg him. 

“You got a choice. He knows what you asked for. He leaves this place and you won’t make it far,” he says. “Think about it. This is what you asked for. It’s what you didn’t say that night. If I do it, you get nothing. No closure. You been through of life of his torture. This is vendetta. He killed your ma. All those years, all those beatings...” 

“No,” you whisper. 

“No? So what happens? You go home to your sisters. I untie him. He’s not far behind. And they suffer too because he’s gonna think you worked together. Because you always do.” He says. “He won’t just get you, he’ll get them too.” 

“No,” you shove his chest without thinking as you shriek. “No!” 

He’s solid, unflinching against your force. You can tell by the grit in his jaw that he’s tolerating it for the sake of the moment. You pull your hands away and look past him. 

You stare at that man. At that monster. Your boogeyman. Your abuser. And you know that Barnes is right. Your mother died a slow death at his hands. You can’t let the same happen to you or your sisters. You prayed for a way out. This is it. One chance. 

One shot. 

“Show me,” you put your hand on the gun, teeth chattering. “I don’t know what to do...” 

He bows his head and pushes the gun against your hand. He looks down and moves your grip around it. “Like this.” He helps you grasp it and he moves around you. “Put your arms up.” He guides your arms up, “You wanna look down your arm, down the barrel.” 

You see your father at the other end of the gun. His eyes are wide and gleaming. He wriggles against the cords. He grunts around the gag. The chair does not move. He’s trapped. Just like the little girls hiding in their closet as he bangs on the outside. 

He’s scared. You’ve never seen him afraid. 

Barnes explains but you barely hear him. Your heart surges with adrenaline and you stiffen with instinct. You’re ready. You’re ready. 

“Then, you pull the trigger...” he says. 

He lets you go and backs up. You sense his shadow behind you, then it fades away with the rest of the place. It’s only you and your father. The end. 

You take a breath and move your finger to the trigger. You steady your hands as you brace the pistol with both, just like Barnes said. And you squeeze. 

The bang is deafening and the force knocks you back. Your father lurches then his head slouches to the side at an unnatural angle. You gape at the sight of the hole beneath his cheek. Your arm drops and the gun hits the floor. 

You stagger as your legs shake then fold beneath you. A new silence surrounds you in the echo of the single shot. The period at the end of the sentence. 

[marvelouslizzie]

You're My Desire - Co-written with @notafunkiller

Summary: Your best friend drags you out on a double date. You were supposed to be Steve Rogers' date, but plans change pretty quickly and you end up in Bucky Barnes' arms.

Pairing: 40s Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: 18+ NSFW MINORS DNI, first date, public sex, ripped clothing, teasing, rough sex, dirty talk, praise, pet names, no mention of y/n

Word Count: 5.5K

A/N: We really don't have an excuse for this one. We just wanted 40s Bucky to have a good time, you know? This is basically smut with little bit of plot.

Please give my lovely co-writer @notafunkiller a follow. She's also a Bucky Barnes writer and her stories are amazing.

All work is ours, please do not repost or translate without our permission.

Every like, comment, and reblog is highly appreciated. Don’t hesitate to message us. Unless it's hate. That's never welcome.

Read more tag starts after the first paragraph of the story.

Even though you really didn’t want to, you find yourself on a double date with your best friend. She literally begged you to come because she promised she would bring someone for her date’s best friend and apparently she really doesn’t wanna disappoint the handsome soldier.

You're shocked, though, when you arrive at the fair and see Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes in the flesh waiting for you two at the gate.

You were pretty sure she brought you here for Bucky Barnes but it turns out your date is actually Steve Rogers, aka Captain America himself.

You don't know what to do at first, awkwardly watching your friend hugging Bucky as if they knew each other for ages. Even though they met just a day ago. Steve extends his hand politely, which you immediately shake.

It doesn’t take long for you to go inside the fun fair together while chatting casually. Your friend, Cassie, starts asking questions about the war. She loves front-line stories, but Bucky doesn’t seem like he enjoys telling them.

Steve, on the other hand, is very excited to do it, answering all of Cassie's questions as you quietly watch them. You wonder why you said yes to this date. You've never been into soldiers and even less into war discussions. But you love your friend very much even when she ignores you.

You find yourself looking at Bucky while Cassie and Steve start to chat and exchange stories. He kinda seems amused by this development. You shrug looking in his direction, waiting for him to say something. After all, you are both already bored and your friends don't even seem to care or notice you anymore in the first place.

Bucky just smiles and then tries to change the subject. You think he actually handles that topic change pretty smoothly and it sticks for a while until Cassie gets bored of talking about books.

You remark Bucky's sad face, but you don't say anything. Instead, you subtly start to walk slower, hoping he'll do the same. As Cassie keeps talking to Steve, Bucky notices you are getting behind and just slows down a little.

"You're okay? Are your legs hurting?" Bucky asks concerned while looking at her shoes.

“No, no, I’m fine. Just got tired of the war stories, that’s all.” You keep walking slowly.

"Me, too." He sighs. "It's a never-ending subject at this point."

“Well, where there's life there's hope.” You quote the Hobbit instinctively. You hold on to the hope, one day you won’t have to talk about this war.

Bucky gasps, looking at you in a way you never experienced before. "What did you say?"

“I just said where there's life there's hope.” You repeat, surprised by the way he probably recognized the quote. People usually have no idea what you are referring to. Not him though.

"You're a fan? Oh god!"

That starts your actual conversation with Bucky Barnes. It turns out he’s a big bookworm himself. He reads as much as he can, always buying more books that he manages to read.

You didn't even realize how close you are until your shoulders slightly brush. You blush when he smiles, clearly not minding. Still, you feel very conscious about your closeness and quickly look toward your friend, feeling guilty that you are enjoying the company of her date, but she doesn’t seem to care one bit. On the contrary, she’s actually holding Steve Rogers’ arm while talking and laughing.

"You're very beautiful." You hear Bucky murmur shily.

His compliment catches you off guard. You were about to apologize on behalf of Cassie. Yet you find yourself blushing.

"And you love reading. I am a lucky man. I get to talk to you."

“I could say the same thing myself, Sergeant. I much rather talk about books instead of the war.”

"Then you got the right company." Bucky smiles and looks around. "Should we get some ice cream?"

“That would be amazing.” And that’s how you end up separated from Cassie and Steve. Bucky informs them about their plan and then leaves without waiting for them.

You spend the next hour talking and walking around the entire fair. James even won a teddy bear for you. Once in a while both of you act like you wanna find Steve and Cassie, but you definitely don’t care.

"I don't remember the last time I felt so comfortable and good with someone."

“I’m glad I’m not boring the shit out of you.” You know it’s not ladylike to speak this way, but you feel comfortable around him. It’s crazy when you consider you just met him maybe two hours ago.

Bucky smiles. "I can say the same. Steve says I'm quite boring."

“He’s quite boring himself.”

"Is he?" He snorts.

“Yeah. Who knew Captain America would be into war stories?”

"Doesn't the name say it?" He continues in the same joking tone.

“The name suggests he’s heroic and boring but he’s more boring and less heroic than expected. Stealing his best friend's date doesn’t scream honorable to me.”

Bucky is shocked to see her indirectly standing up for him. "Maybe I stole his date, though."

“His date was uninterested from the start and just being nice to her best friend.”

"Is she still uninterested?"

“In him? Yes.” You act like you don’t understand what he is actually asking.

"Well, the feelings are mutual. About the date and now…"

“You were uninterested in Cassie?” You say it in a way that shows you don’t believe him.

"Wasn't it obvious?"

“Nope.” It definitely wasn’t when they hugged each other the moment they arrived.

"I was trying to be polite. She insisted on this… meeting because I helped her out. I was relieved I could bring Steve."

“She sounded very interested in you until Captain Rogers started with war stories.”

"She was staring at his… back ever since we arrived."

You burst out laughing and he joins you right after. It sets the tone for the rest of the night and makes you notice you both don’t give a shit.

*

"I want to show you something," you say after a few seconds and quickly drag him after you until you reach a darker alley close to the last attraction. You drop the teddy bear carefully at your feet. "Hi."

“Hi.” He still seems a bit confused, but it’s so cute. He looks at the teddy bear and then his eyes turn back to your face. You can’t help but smile.

"You're so cute. Has anyone told you that?" You smile in return.

He acts like thinking for a second. “No, not really. Just cute?” He fishes for more.

"And smart." You touch his chest shily. "And kind."

“Hmm, those are not what people notice first.” He moves a little bit closer. “You have something…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, instead, his thumb brushes the corner of your lips. You wait for him to wipe off whatever you had on your face before opening your mouth and letting your tongue touch his finger shamelessly.

You watch Bucky’s eyes widen out of surprise. He didn't expect that at all. You grab his hand, bringing his finger inside your mouth, and notice how his breathing quickens. Yet he doesn’t stop you.

You let your tongue play for a few seconds until you let his finger go with a small bite. He lets out the lowest moan but not only do you hear it, but you also love it.

"Wow, I…" He doesn't know what to say, all red and excited.

“You what? Do you feel uncomfortable? Excited? I mean, I can stop if you want.”

In response, brave and happy, Bucky kisses you. His tongue is already on your bottom lip asking for permission, which you grant by opening your mouth without realizing it.

The kiss isn’t shy like you expected, and he definitely knows how to kiss. The way his lips and tongue move makes you want more, right then and there.

Your hands go to his neck as you let yourself enjoy the kiss even more. You keep kissing until you feel breathless. When Bucky breaks it, he doesn’t move away. His forehead touches yours as you try to catch your breath.

"This was…"

“I wanna do something if that’s okay…” You say while suddenly getting on your knees. You are wearing your favorite nylon stockings and you're sure they are gonna get ripped, but you don't care.

Bucky thinks he's daydreaming because how can this happen? How?

"What? What are you doing?"

“I think you know what I am doing, Sergeant. Just tell me to stop if you don’t want it, okay?” Your hands move to his belt but you wait for a reaction first.

"Stop. That's not… you don't have to do this. We are having a great time anyway."

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to. Is that okay for you?”

He can only nod, totally shocked and excited at the same time.

You unbuckle him slowly. Even though you are in a public place, you're in no hurry. You unzip him while looking into his eyes. When you finally take him out of his pants, he seems speechless. He’s already hard, but as soon as you start to move your hand, he gets rock hard after maybe four pumps.

"Jesus, you're so pretty. You look like a doll on your knees."

You smile proudly. “Tell me what I look like when I do this,” you say before taking him inside your mouth.

He closes his eyes, groaning. Your mouth is so wet and warm. You take it slow at first. Your mouth moves gently while you swirl your tongue around the head.

"Please." You hear him whisper, his left hand resting against the wall behind him.

You move your mouth away from him just to ask “Please what?” Your lipstick is already a little smudged.

"Oh god, keep going. Please, you're such a pretty sight."

“Tell me how I look when you're inside my mouth and I'll continue, promise.” You wink and remind him he still hasn’t fulfilled your request.

"Like a dream. Like a goddess."

“Hmm…” You go back to taking him inside your mouth without making another comment. This time, you move a bit faster than before and start using your hand.

"Your mouth will be the death of me."

That makes you smile but you don’t stop, moving your hand and mouth at the same time, hoping for a good reaction. His hand finds its way to your hair, wrapping it enough to pull a little. That encourages you to go faster, in need for a tighter grip. And you get it: soon, he wraps more of your hair around his whole fist, moaning your name.

“I think I'm gonna…” He sounds so breathy. “You should pull away.”

You look at him, acknowledging his warning, but showing him you are ignoring it. You keep moving fast, making sure your tongue flicks around the right spot every time until he spills inside your mouth. It’s a lot more than you are used to, but you still keep going until he completely empties himself. You take your mouth off, looking into his eyes before swallowing.

"No." He covers his eyes while groaning. "You can't do this to me, doll. Jesus…"

“Do what?” You innocently ask.

He doesn't answer you, taking you by the back of the neck and kissing you sloppily. You don’t get a chance to warn him about the taste and he doesn’t seem to care one bit. He groans into your mouth when he feels your hands on his ass and breaks the kiss just to suck on your neck.

Then you feel his hands between your bodies, trying to pull up his pants again.

You break the kiss to ask: “What are you doing?”

"I'm putting on my pants," he sounds like a kid. "And I wanna get on my knees for you, too."

“Maybe I want something else that doesn’t require you to put your pants on.”

He nods, without understanding what you mean. "Alright. I'll just-" He drops his right hand until it reaches her skirt. "Is it okay?" You nod with a smile. Even though it’s not what you meant, it’s fine.

His fingers immediately go to your underwear and push it aside.

"Fuck me. Look at that." You are really wet and his curses don't help either. "Soaked. Is that for me, doll?"

“No, it’s for Captain Rogers, who bored the shit out of me.” You joke.

You feel his fingers stopping on your slit as he lifts his head. "What did you say?"

“I said it’s for Captain Rogers, who bored the shit out of me. You know that gets the girls wet.” You hope he won’t be offended by this. It’s just a silly joke.

In response, Bucky pushes a finger inside you quickly, his lips curling into a smirk. "Should I start talking about war, too? Bet that would get you even wetter."

You let out a deep breath, relieved. Thank God he isn’t offended. “That would get me dry as a desert, Sergeant Barnes.”

"Should I dye my hair then?" He snorts, moving his finger faster.

“Maybe you should get a shield. It would definitely look better on you.”

"A shield, huh?" Bucky adds another finger, trying to scissor them inside you a couple of times. "Is it too much?"

“Nope,” you say after a moan. “It’s not enough.”

"Fuck, you…" he closes his eyes. "You want another?"

“I want something else.” You smile, hoping him to understand this time.

"Yeah? Like what?"

You grab his cock and gently rub it without saying a word. You are not surprised he’s hard because his erection has been pressed on your leg for a while.

"Fuck. You want my cock, baby?"

“Yeah. Why do you think I didn’t let you pull your pants back up?”

"I don't-" He moans. "I didn't think."

“Come on. You are making me wait while I’m soaking your fingers.”

"Wanna make you…" Bucky interrupts himself by adding a third finger, his other hand going to your clit. "Happy."

“Fuck.” You throw your head back, that felt so good.

"You like this?" He rubs a little more, paying attention to your body. His fingers inside you keep the same pace, though. He isn't slowing down now even if it's the end of the world.

“Yeah, that.” You breathe out. You already feel your legs shaking and you're afraid your knees might give out, but it feels so good, you can’t seem to focus on the concerns.

"Hold on to me."

You put your hands on his shoulders and it helps you relax a bit more. After that, your orgasm comes crashing in like a big wave that leaves you breathless. He doesn't stop moving his fingers until you finish coming, then he slowly pulls them out, making sure to lick them before kissing you.

“You are such a dirty soldier, Sergeant Barnes,” you say with a smile.

"What is dirty about this?" He shrugs. "I'm a good soldier, of course."

“Doing this in a dark alley with me and licking your fingers clean like that. Very good soldier, indeed.”

"Ihm." He buries his head right onto your shoulder and breathes in. "Thank you."

“For what?” You find yourself kissing his hair while asking the question.

"For this evening and this. Thank you for trusting me."

“You are something else, Bucky,” you say while caressing his hair.

"Hmm?"

You kiss his hair and his ear, then move your lips to his neck. “You can thank me later. We are not done yet.”

"Changed your mind?" He smiles. "Want me on my knees after all?

“Maybe later.” You wink. “Now don’t act like you don’t know what I want because I know you want it, too.”

He freezes. "Wait, you're serious?"

“Of course I am serious. Just don’t finish inside, okay?”

He looks at you again all serious. "Are you sure? We don't have to, I can use my tongue."

“Don’t worry, it’s not my first time and yeah, I’m sure unless you don’t want to.”

Bucky looks at you with puppy eyes. "Uhm, it's my first time."

“Oh god.” Your eyes widen. “I… didn’t consider… that possibility. I’m sorry.”

Bucky starts laughing at your worried expression and kisses your cheek. "My first time with a bookworm doll."

You punch his shoulder. “You worried me!”

That makes him laugh even harder, and you can't help but smile. Because he's extra beautiful like this.

"Why? Do you have something against innocent boys, ma'am? Shame!"

“No, nothing against it. Absolutely would love to teach and corrupt but wouldn’t want that to be your first time.”

"You don't want to take advantage of me, huh? Such a good girl." He surprises you by suddenly lifting you and helping you wrap your legs around his torso.

“Would you like me to take advantage of you?” You kiss his jaw and cheeks.

"Fuck, yes. Yes."

“Then you have my permission to take advantage of me, too.”

He doesn't ask you again if you're sure. Instead, he lifts his right hand to your blouse and starts unbuttoning it as fast as he can. He's so impatient he even manages to rip a button. You just watch him work and smile, hoping the gentleman side of Bucky finally stops holding him back.

He groans at the sight of your hard nipples and quickly leans in to take one in his mouth.

“Oh fuck,” you whimper while he uses his tongue to play with your nipple. It feels so good you don't even notice when his hand drops under your skirt. Until you hear the ripping sound.

“What the fuck?” You can’t believe he's just ripped your nylon stockings. They are so hard to find and so expensive!

"Whha?" He doesn't even take his mouth off your nipple as he speaks.

“Do you know how expensive those stockings are?” Your surprise is so clear in your voice. “You owe me a pair of nylon stockings, Sargeant.”

"They were in the way, baby."

“Getting impatient?” You mock a little.

He pushes his hips a little more. "Can't you feel?"

“You still owe me a pair.”

"What about these?" His hands are now on her panties. "How many do I need to buy you so I can rip these off?"

“Just one pair, but if you wanna rip that one, too, this cycle might never end.”

He sighs, contemplating, but he finally decides not to, only pushing your underwear aside. "How do you want it?"

“What do you mean?”

Bucky takes another step until your back barely brushes against the wall. "How do you like this? The sex."

“Don’t try to act all kind and push aside what you actually want to do. That’s how I want it.”

"Do you uhm… like it fast or slow? The pace I mean." He's slowly pushing inside you while he asks, trying to be as gentle as possible.

“That’s exactly what I meant. Do it however you want and we will see how I like it. Don’t be too gentle like this.”

"Talk to me, okay?" He's halfway inside you now, staying still for a few seconds as he leaves small kisses on your neck.

“Oh, I will, don’t worry, handsome. No one can stop me from complaining if I don’t like something.”

"Good girl." He tries different types of thrusts and angles at first, wanting to see what you respond to the most.

“Fuck. Why do you keep saying that?” She moves her hips to make him thrust faster.

"Because you're my good girl. Dirty too." He moans when he feels you. "God, you want it faster, baby?"

“Yes, yes, I do. Please. Move faster.”

And he does, his grip on your ass tightening as he starts thrusting just the way you want. "Fuck, you're soaked. You feel so good around me."

“You feel good, too.” You moan in between words. “And you are strong. Really strong,” you remark because he doesn’t look tired while holding you.

But he doesn't seem to acknowledge that. "I'm so fucking lucky, Jesus." He groans when he feels your lips sucking on his collarbone.

“You didn’t think your double date would end this way, huh?”

"Deep inside you? Not a chance." He smiles, speeding up.

“Maybe deep inside someone else.” You tease on purpose.

Bucky immediately stops thrusting. "What?"

“I was just joking about how we were meant to be on a date with other people.” You hate that you can’t shut your mouth sometimes.

"Oh," he nods, restarting to move. "Well, I can assure you, he wouldn't have done this tonight." He jokes back.

“Fuck me against the wall like this?”

"Fuck you at all. But especially like this. And the language?" He laughs. "Never."

“Oh, so honorable of him.” You keep joking. “Poor Cassie.”

His right-hand flies behind your head to protect it as his thrusts become way too quick. "Fuck. You feel like heaven, I swear."

“God, how do you do that?” You are surprised that he can carry you with one hand. “Are you sure you aren’t a super soldier yourself?”

Bucky shakes his head amused. "That will go straight to my ego."

“You're carrying me with one hand while protecting my head with the other, and you keep fucking me at the same time. I think it should go straight to your ego.”

He groans. "Lower one of your hands now."

“Lower it where exactly?” You don’t understand what he wants.

His hand moves from the back of her head for a few seconds just to bring her fingers to her clitoris. "Right here. Can you rub this for me?"

“Ohh.” You finally understand what he’s trying to do, so you listen and start rubbing yourself while his hand goes back to your head.

"Good, good girl. Look at you." He doesn't even realize how deep his thrusts are because his focus is on your fingers.

“Oh god… It feels so good.” You have never done something like this before. No public sex, no touching yourself during sex, no good girl whispers next to your ear. They all make you feel dizzy.

"Yeah? Just good?" His mouth finds your breasts this time, and you just know he's leaving a few marks there by the way he sucks on your skin.

“You wanna hear how good it makes me feel?”

"Ihmm."

“Oh, you are even dirtier than you are showing, aren’t you, Sergeant Barnes?”

He looks up immediately. "Say that again." He demands.

“Sergeant Barnes?”

"Fuck, you need to rub faster."

“You need to fuck me harder.” You say while listening to his order.

"Harder?" He repeats, shocked, not expecting that in the slightest. But he does as you demand in a heartbeat, biting his tongue because it feels so good.

You have a hard time holding back your reaction because it feels just perfect. You can feel your orgasm approaching.

“Shit, you need to cover my mouth,” you say as quickly as possible.

"Just use me. Bite my shoulder," he suggests quickly, keeping the pace exactly the same.

You wanna say no, because you don’t wanna hurt him but there’s no other choice left. You sink your teeth in somewhere between his neck and shoulder and try to muffle yourself. The orgasm hits you so hard that you are afraid someone is gonna hear you even like this.

"Fuck," he groans, the pain feeling amazing as you keep coming, your legs wrapping even more tightly around his ass.

“Please, don’t stop,” you manage to say and go back to biting him, very aware of the hickey you are giving him, but that doesn’t stop you because you don’t want to get caught like this.

"Can't stop." At this point you wonder how no one noticed you by now. The sound of your skin touching and your groans are not quite silent. But even if they did, you know you wouldn't stop. How could you?

"Keep rubbing, I want you to find pleasure again."

“Again?” You sound shocked because you've literally just come.

"Again." He tries to lift one of your legs a little more. "Please."

“I don’t think I can, but keep going, okay?” You already came twice in a short amount of time. How much more can you do?

"Well, I think you can." He smiles. "Gonna mark me up, baby?"

“I think I already did.” You can see your teeth marks on his neck. You are sure it will turn into purple really soon.

"I'm your property now?" The hand he has on the back of your head quickly grabs your hair and wraps it around his fist.

“Are you?” You like the sound of that and how he’s pulling your hair.

"I am." He's frantically thrusting in and out of you. "Rub faster."

“Fuck,” you mumble while rubbing yourself. You aren’t sure if it’s gonna do anything, but it feels good. “Can I keep you then? You know, kidnap you and hide you in my apartment so you don’t have to go back to the war. We can just do this every day.”

"Fuck, do it." He smiles. "I dare you."

“Should I tie you up so it looks more realistic?” And suddenly all that rubbing starts to feel different, more pleasurable.

"On your bed? Go ahead."

You laugh at how easily he’s convinced, but your laugh is interrupted by a moan.

"Gonna come for me, dolly?"

“I am not sure.” You struggle to speak. “It feels like it.”

He pulls your hair hard. "Please, please."

“You beg so beautifully, how can I say no?” It’s not like your body is saying no, either.

When you finish coming again, you watch with your eyes semi-closed as James takes himself out without dropping you even a little and comes right on your thighs and ripped stockings. You feel the warmth of his come while you both are trying to catch your breath.

"This was… wow."

“This is a hell of a first date.” You find yourself giggling. Did all that really happen? The soreness between your legs says yes.

Bucky slowly puts you down. "You think?" He snorts.

“Oh yeah, very memorable.” You notice that your stockings are completely ruined so you have no other choice but to take them off.

"Fuck, you're dripping." He doesn't look like he's sorry and he can't say he is, either. He's actually very proud.

“Yeah, I am aware.” You laugh while taking them off and using them like a washcloth to clean yourself up.

"You have no idea how lovely the sight is." He winks at you while zipping up his pants.

You bite your bottom lip while looking at him. “Likewise. You look satisfied, Sargeant. Did something happen while you were gone?” You pull your skirt down.

"I got touched by an angel."

You laugh. “So cheesy. You are lucky that you are a bookworm. A really good-looking one, who is also good at bed even though we didn’t even need one.”

"Next time. Maybe we'll break it." He sounds so confident, but not demanding at all at the same time.

“When are you going back?” You find yourself asking. If he’s promising you a second time, you are gonna take it.

"In one week."

You make a sad face without realizing then take a deep breath to help yourself focus on the positive side. “That’s a lot of sex.”

He immediately lifts your chin and presses a kiss on your forehead. "I was joking. We got two months."

“You are such a liar.” You punch him in his shoulder.

Which only makes him laugh. "You like it hard."

But your attention is on his neck, on the spot you bit so hard. The purple spot looks really old and mostly faded already.

"No comment?" He snorts. "We're gonna have a lot of fun for sure."

“I have a question.” Your eyes are still on that same spot. “Does Steve heal quickly?”

"Why? You plan on kicking his ass?"

“Just answer the question, please.”

"Yeah, he does." Bucky shrugs. "One of the perks of the serum."

“Even the small scars or purple spots?”

"Yes." Bucky doesn't even think about it. "Which is great. Why? You think your friend will want to know?"

You don’t comment about his question, instead, touch the spot you bit down so hard. “You are nearly completely healed. My mark has vanished.”

"What?" He asks, confused.

“I bit down on your neck so hard, it was dark red. Now it’s gone.”

"I don't get purple easily. Never did. I guess you have to suck a little more." He smiles leaning in to kiss you again.

“I fully bit you,” you say before he does.

"I noticed." He giggled.

Since he doesn’t take it that seriously you let it go. “Fine. I will prove it to you later.”

"Prove what?" He gives you another kiss.

“That you heal quickly.” You try to fix yourself while you kiss him back.

"Oh, I feel healed every time I look at you."

“You are so cheesy.” Yet you can’t help but laugh. “How do I look?”

"Good boy version or?" He pauses dramatically.

“Both.”

"Good boy version first: you look like an angel." He smiles cheekily.

You snort. “I’m asking if I look decent, Bucky.”

"Angel,” he repeats before dropping his hands to your ass and squeezing. "They won't know you've got fucked against the wall if that's what you're afraid of. But you look strangely content and happy."

“That’s because I had a good date.” You scrunch your nose cheekily.

"Me too. The best date ever."

“Should we try to find our best friends?”

"Oh, sure." Bucky leans in to get the teddy bear before handing it to you.

"Ready for more war stories?"

“No, I’m not.” You hug the bear. “I gotta wash this.”

Bucky snorts. "Poor bear. Got traumatized."

“Traumatized and all dirty.” You don’t notice how close you are to Bucky until you feel him next to you. “Should we keep this a secret from our friends?”

"Do you want to?"

“I meant the having sex in a dark alley part. I don’t think my friend needs to know that.” She definitely shouldn’t know all this.

"We should totally keep that part to ourselves." He smiles.

“I could say that you kissed me or something. I don’t know. Is that too forward for the first date?”

"There's no such thing. You can say I kissed you."

“I was genuinely asking.” You smile. “I normally don’t even kiss on the first date.”

Bucky giggles, his hand squeezing your hip. "I am a lucky gal." You smile back at him until you notice a familiar face.

“Oh, is that Steve?” You point to the tall blonde guy.

"Yes, that's him. But where is your friend?"

“Right in front of him. I can see her dress.” It’s sticking on the side.

"Oh, yes. Gonna drive you home after that if that's alright with you." He sounds so casual like he already did that many times, but you notice something else.

“You have a car and you didn’t think of using it until now?”

"Oh." Redness takes over his cheeks. "I got… distracted."

"You are such an idiot." You start to giggle while walking toward your friends.

"Your idiot now. You got stuck with me for at least two months." He laughs.

"Just for two months?" You test his intentions.

"I can't assume you'd want to wait for me, can I?"

"I will tell your best friend to bring you back home in one piece. He's the hero after all. That should be easy, right?"

Bucky looks at her with a soft expression before kissing her hair. "Guess you really got stuck with me."

"Oh shit, Steve saw you kissing my hair." It’s going to be hard to keep this thing between you two.

"Does it bother you?"

“No, no, no.” You quickly try to explain. “It’s just I’m worried that they might think the worst of me. I mean… questioning our closeness.”

"I dare them." She is surprised by how serious and determined he is as he speaks.

“I would kiss you right now if I could.”

"I won't stop you." He giggles like a kid.

“Our friends are,” you whisper and look at your best friend, who is coming toward you. Cassie is holding Steve’s arm proudly.

"Oh, hello," Steve says. "Where have you been?"

"Here and there." Bucky shrugs. "Did you have fun?"

"Yes!" Cass immediately giggles, joining the conversation. "He has the best, best stories. What about-" She cuts herself off when she notices your appearance. "What happened to your stockings?"

“Oh.” You blush a little, thinking about how they got ruined. “I tripped and ruined them. They looked so horrible I had to take them off completely.”

"Yes, they got really dirty," Bucky confirms with the biggest grin Steve has seen in ages.

"Oh, really?" He lifts his eyebrow. "What a shame."

“Yeah. Sergeant Barnes promised me a new pair. What a gentleman he is.”

"A gentleman indeed." Steve shakes his head, well aware of what you two have done.

You bite your lip and give Bucky a look, hoping at least Cassie has no idea. You are sure the three of you can keep a secret. For now…

You may wanna read the next part: Trust In What Tomorrow Brings

[caplanbuckybarnes]

Surprise! (bucky barnes)

Summary: you thought everyone forgot your birthday.

Warnings: none, fluff at the end.

WC: 600ish

A/N: my birthday was October 8. i was feeling super sad and miserable that day and I didn't want to keep posting sad things on here on that day. So viola. have a sad reader on her birthday. lol

Read on Ao3!

-

The sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the bustling streets of New York. The city was alive with chatter and laughter, but in your small apartment, you felt an unsettling quiet. It was your birthday, but no one seemed to remember.

You had casually dropped hints to your friends in the days leading up to today—talking about your favorite cake, reminiscing about past celebrations—but as the hours slipped away, your excitement faded into disappointment. Messages were scarce, and the few you received were vague: “Happy Wednesday!” or “Can’t wait to catch up soon!”

With a heavy heart, you settled onto the couch, scrolling through social media. Everyone seemed to be having fun, but you felt like a ghost, floating through a world that had forgotten you.

Just as you were about to turn off your phone and give in to the sadness, a knock echoed through your apartment. You sighed, hoping it was a friend stopping by with a slice of cake or, at the very least, a friendly face.

When you opened the door, there stood Bucky Barnes, his signature smile brightening the dim hallway. “Hey, you! Ready for some fun?”

“Fun? What do you mean?” You forced a smile, trying to hide the heaviness in your chest.

“Oh, you know, just thought we could hang out. Got some stuff planned,” he said, stepping inside. His easy demeanor made you feel a little lighter, and you nodded, grateful for the distraction.

As the evening wore on, Bucky introduced you to a series of games and movies, keeping the atmosphere light. You laughed at his antics, but deep down, you felt the ache of disappointment. You wanted to celebrate, to feel special, but it seemed like this was just another ordinary night.

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” Bucky said, heading toward the kitchen. You watched him go, feeling a mix of appreciation and sadness. Just as you settled back into your thoughts, the doorbell rang again.

Bucky returned with an armful of snacks. “I hope you like pizza rolls,” he said, grinning. You couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. “But we’re not done yet!”

Before you could ask what he meant, he grabbed your hand and led you back to the door. He opened it wide, revealing a group of your closest friends, all smiling and holding balloons, streamers, and a giant cake that read “Happy Birthday!”

Your heart leapt, and your eyes widened in disbelief. “You…you all remembered?”

Bucky stepped forward, pulling you into a warm embrace. “Of course we did! We just wanted to make it special. You mean a lot to us, and we couldn’t let your birthday go by without a proper celebration.”

Tears brimmed in your eyes as you turned to face your friends. They all chimed in, “Surprise!” and wrapped you in hugs. The warmth of their love washed over you, banishing the loneliness that had settled in your heart.

“Thank you, Bucky,” you whispered, feeling overwhelmed with joy. “I can’t believe you did all this for me.”

Bucky chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, it was a team effort, but I wanted you to know how much you’re loved.”

As the night unfolded, laughter and music filled your apartment, and the worries of the day faded away. You danced, played games, and shared stories, surrounded by friends who cherished you.

In that moment, you realized that even on days you felt forgotten, there was always love waiting to surprise you. And with Bucky by your side, you knew you would never be alone.

[booksandabeer]

Celebrating 10 Years of CA:TWS — A Stucky Rec List

Rec list for the CA:TWS 10th Anniversary Event @catws-anniversary (thank you so much for organizing this event! 💙) | Prompt: Memories

10 years, huh? 10 years of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. 10 years of what many—myself included—still consider to be the best MCU movie ever made.

But also 10 years of post-TWS fanfiction. 10 years of Bucky Barnes Recovering and Steve Rogers' Sadness Errands; of Up All Night to Get Bucky and Revenge Road Trips; of Winter Soldier Trauma Umbrellas and Everybody Needing A Goddamn Hug; of Good Bros and Soft Epilogues. 10 years and tens of thousands of Steve/Bucky fics later, here we are.

So, to mark the occasion, let's take a trip down memory lane and celebrate the movie and the stories it inspired: One fic from each year since it all began:

There's really only one rule here: All fics are set before, during, or after the events of CA:TWS and/or reimagine its plot in interesting ways. Naturally, many of the fics on this list are post-TWS canon divergent, but I tried to go for a nice variety of length, genre, and popularity to keep it interesting. Speaking of popularity, this is very much not intended as a round-up of ‘most popular fics of each year’ because—and I say this with all the love and respect in my heart for those stories and their authors—nobody needs a rec list for that, and I believe in spreading the love. Here we go:

Poltergeists by enemyofrome | 17K, T

Author's summary: When the helicarriers blow up and the Winter Soldier goes on the run, he takes Steve with him. He's got a name written in Morse code on the inside of his arm, a ton of questions he doesn't know how to ask, and now, a new handler with absolutely zero sense of self-preservation to contend with. Life is hard. In which Bucky tries to figure out whether he's a human being, Steve does everything he can to keep from losing him again, and there are lots of explosions.

Starting off with one of the best versions of the 'Bucky didn't leave Steve, he took him with him after the Potomac' fics that were (and still are!) so popular post-TWS. This one stands out because of its fantastic beginning, its interesting take on how Bucky was broken and remade into the Winter Soldier, and because it allows both characters to be messy. It's a popular fanon trope that it's Steve who brings out a ruthless, almost vicious streak in Bucky, but here it's emphasized that this is very much a mutual thing. Just like Bucky, who's often afforded the "excuse" of still figuring out how to be a person again, Steve gets to be difficult here—without ever turning him into a stubborn asshole. They're both traumatized, and they're both allowed to show it and to lash out, including at each other. Also, this fic will give you capital-F Feelings about morse codes and apples. Believe me.

sleepwalk back to the battle site by ftmsteverogers | 22K, T

Author's summary: “I’m going to track down every HYDRA agent that’s left,” Bucky says, buckling his gun deftly to his belt. “And then I’m going to kill them.” “Oh,” Steve says. “Come with me?” Bucky asks, dangerous hands tucked into his pockets.

A classic post-TWS fic that picks up right after the movie ends. Equal parts Revenge Roadtrip, Bucky Barnes recovering, and Steve Rogers being in urgent need of a good hug. This starts out intensely melancholic—Steve's despair and helplessness are palpable and there's a scene involving a drinking glass that still brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. Halfway through, the story changes pace and becomes much more action-heavy, but it still manages to allow space for the quiet, intimate moments between Steve and Bucky. They have both become sharp and deadly men, but they're also allowed to be soft with each other. Their coming together feels sweet and inevitable. I also really enjoyed the Steve characterization here. His absolute conviction that Bucky is still Bucky at his very core and always will be, but also his emotional and intellectual flexibility to adapt to this still-new-to-him, changed version of Bucky rang very true to me.   

Surveillance by Sproings, 7K in 2 parts, G

Author's summary: If there are ears everywhere, that means it's somebody's job to listen. I hate my job.

Do you ever think about how SHIELD bugged Steves DC apartment and how horrible that was, but also...you're kind of curious what they might have overheard? Do you ever wonder about the people who listened in on his sad, lonely life? Well, here you go. An outsider POV fic told "through the ears" of an unnamed SHIELD agent assigned to spy on the private life of a man who doesn't really have much of one. The story begins just before IM3 and takes us all the way through the events of CA:TWS and beyond. It's clever, original and told with great empathy for both the subject under surveillance and the person carrying out that surveillance—who increasingly questions its purpose. Here's a small snippet to give you an idea of the fic's style:

He got a phone call, once. He put it on speaker, too, which was very exciting for me at the time. It was from an archivist at the Smithsonian. They seemed really surprised that he answered his own phone calls. The two of them talked for a long time about an exhibit the museum was planning. A very long time. As if one of them was starstruck, and the other was desperate for any kind of human interaction.

What Gets You Through by velleities | 12K, M

Author's summary: For Steve, getting through each day is a process – one he’s currently failing at spectacularly. Feeling out of place in this brave new world, he hopes to find a home in Bucky, and looks for him with everything he’s got. But Bucky doesn’t want to be found, and when he does touch base with Steve, he never sticks around for long. Bucky has embraced the modern age, leaving Steve lagging behind – or so Steve believes, until Bucky shows him otherwise.

This post-TWS fic revolves around five encounters in liminal spaces, and each time Bucky has pieced himself back together again just a little more. Despite their increasingly longer and more honest conversations, and Bucky's incremental progress, he always disappears again, leaving Steve to grapple with his heartbreak. There are quietly gorgeous moments in this fic (the bus and the church in particular were my personal favorites) as well as wonderfully crafted characterizations. Bucky is initially portrayed as somewhat feral in some ways yet surprisingly well-adjusted in others, and I love that Steve can't help but be a little annoyed at that. However, it quickly becomes clear that, in good old Bucky Barnes fashion, much of it is really just a front put up for Steve's benefit...

A Real Boy by itsnotbleak | 5K, T

Author's summary: It took the Winter Soldier three weeks to remember that human beings needed to sleep and eat. It took Steve far too long to realise the Winter Soldier was sleeping in his bed.

A wonderful, short-but-doesn't-feel-like-it fic (in the very best way) set immediately after CA:TWS, in which Bucky secretly and then soon not so secretly visits Steve in his apartment. Follow along as Bucky Barnes argues with his brain about sandwich toppings, the importance of a good night's sleep, and the necessity of personal hygiene. Also: how to best go about becoming a real boy (again). And who the hell is that Bucky guy anway? This is as soft and sweet a Bucky recovery fic as you're ever going to find. It's funny but not silly; sad in a way that all of these stories inherently are—because, well, these are some tragic boys—but not super angsty or depressing. A beautiful story with a lovely, hopeful ending.

Savage God by PottersPink | 36K, M

Author's summary (abbr.): Past, present, future, Steve knows Bucky Barnes. It’s why he recognized him when he found him in that alley in April of 1942, even though Bucky was older, stronger, wearier; he called himself The Asset, and had a metal fucking arm. He flinched when Steve tried to touch him, and when Steve told him he loved him, his first response was to ask why. Seventy years later, Steve wakes up in the twenty-first century, and he doesn’t know whether to be heartbroken or hopeful when some of the things Bucky revealed to him in 1942 start falling into place.

An absolutely riveting AU that will have you on the edge of your seat the whole time. I'm itching to talk about it more but I cannot since it would mean spoiling the hell out of it. What I can say is that it's a very intriguing and clever exploration of what would happen if Steve knew about the future but without really knowing any of the details. How would it change the events of CA:TFA and CA:TWS, and how would it change Steve himself? I so very much appreciate this characterization of Steve as smart, competent, and unwavering with a hefty dose of no fucks left to give. This fic features some really nifty time travel and plotting, great action sequences and a very satisfying ending where certain people get their much-deserved comeuppance. Plus: Bonus Shrinkyclinks (kind of)!

Charlie Lock by seapigeon | 105K, M (hard M)

Author's summary (abbr.): The Winter Soldier knows that sometimes, in order to make the kill, you must destroy what the Target lives for. Steve Rogers knows that he can't fight his captors. If he fights, they'll kill Bucky. But the price of his life is steep. Tony Stark has nothing left to live for, but he's needed. So all these miserable motherfuckers better stay alive, too. Clint Barton never expected to be a leader. But a leader he is, and no one else is going to die on his watch. --- A story in which the first wave of Project Insight succeeds, and the Avengers must pick up the pieces and find a way to stop Hydra from completing its work with Zola's algorithm.

This is not only the longest fic on this list, but also the angstiest one—by a mile, so please heed the tags. It's dark, disturbing, and brutal. However, it is neither relentless misery porn nor is it shocking for shock's sake, where everything is magically forgotten and/or healed the moment Steve and Bucky start kissing. Instead, the author puts these characters into an absolutely horrifying situation and then slowly, gently guides them out of it and into the light.

It's a Stucky fic but it's also a multi-POV ensemble piece featuring all the Avengers and other familiar faces. If you are someone who'll always be a little bitter about the unfulfilled promise of an Avengers found family, then this is for you. In this AU, they do not only fight together, but grow together in every way. They truly become a team, not just co-workers barely tolerating each other. The story takes its time exploring the characters and the group dynamics. Steve and Bucky are definitely at the center of the narrative but there is space here for every member of the team to grieve and adjust to the new reality and to find at least some measure of healing. It's a story about the meaning and the consequences of revenge, about hope and resilience, and about love in all its many forms. It also has one of the most satisfying title drops that will have you pump your fist in triumph when it happens. It's a tough read, but ultimately a very rewarding one.

SPELEVINK by Ginny_Potter | 10K, G

Author's summary: Bucky’s back. He’s leaving me messages through IKEA plushies, Steve texts Sam. jesus christ, rogers, Sam texts back. Or, Bucky lives in an IKEA Tiny Apartment, Steve is a dancing monkey once again, and somehow they find their way back to each other.

This is an absolute DELIGHT of a fic that will have you alternately laughing out loud and crying quietly into your SVARTFIBBLA blanket (super-soft, recycled polyester, 47x63"). It's ‘crack treated seriously’ at its very best and a clear homage to the fandom classic Infinite Coffee… (that’s not a dig or a spoiler, the author says so in the author’s note).

Now if you know me, you’ll know that angst o’clock is my happy hour and I’m usually not very into these heavy-on the-humor quasi-absurdist fics (because I’m super special and not like all the other girls, obviously). But. I LOVED this story so, so much. It’s such a fun read—even when it makes you cry—and it really became one of those ‘huh, I guess I’m into this after all’ moments of joyful (self)discovery via fanfic for me. I never thought a pair of oven mitts could move me like that, and I'll never be able to walk into an IKEA again without muttering "F******!" under my breath (iykyk). Absolutely fantastic.

a handful of dust by RecoveringTheSatellites | 20K, M

Author's summary: Steve looks for Bucky for a long time. But the thing is that Bucky doesn't get found, Bucky finds. Bucky always finds Steve. This takes a hard left after the Potomac and stumbles through the dark a lot after. Take a bit of running, the occasional synaptic misfire, the resurfacing of old memories, a dash or two of PTSD, and (eventually) a nice dose of action, stir, and serve over some unresolved issues.

Honestly, the second paragraph up there perfectly sums up the story. It's a good ol' fashioned Bucky recovery fic with some angst, some action, and a whole lot of healing and devotion. Steve and Bucky get to be very sappy about each other, but also extremely Badass Battle Boyfriends™ when somebody threatens their hard-won happiness. Both are allowed to be messy, unstable, and very co-dependent.

This was the first time this author played in the Stucky sandbox and I mean it 100% as a compliment when I say that you can tell. This is someone with "fresh legs" diving headfirst and very deep into the Stucky trope pool and they're doing it with great relish and enthusiam. The result is a story that rejects some of the tried and true conventions of the post-TWS fanfic canon and lovingly embraces others, but that is definitely aware of and in dialogue with the body of work that came before it. Also, it's just a really fun read that gives these two the very soft ending they deserve.

Everybody is Supposed to be Dead by pollutedstar | 22K, M

Author's summary: In 1944, Bucky Barnes falls off a train into the Alps, missing and presumed dead. Months later, Steve Rogers nosedives a plane into the arctic. In 2010, the Winter Soldier project is uncovered by S.H.I.E.L.D., and Bucky Barnes is found alive. Three years later, Steve Rogers’ frozen body is found in the ocean.

A really interesting AU and a fascinating exploration of what could’ve been; the impact it would’ve had on the events and characters if Bucky had been the one to be “found” first. How would it affect Steve to come back into a world where he isn’t quite so lonely and adrift, and where he does have the relief and reassurance of having Bucky by his side and at his back? How would that have changed the way he acted and reacted to this strange new world and the people and organizations trying to recruit him to their cause even though the ice hasn't even completely melted off his body yet?

There are a lot of astute and precise observations about characters like Tony, Natasha, and Clint in this story, and on top of that, it offers up some very compelling insights into Steve's conflicted and difficult relationship with his role as Captain America.

it's never over (hey orpheus) by romcommie | 12K WIP, 2/?, M

Author's summary: He remembers a song first and then everything else follows, burying him below. Or, Bucky Barnes pieces a life back together with a few choice verses, some duct tape and seventy years worth of spite. Steve Rogers tries very hard to relearn there's a life to be lived in the first place.

Ok, listen up, people! This is a WIP and there are only 2 chapters posted so far, but I haven't felt this absolutely bonkers excited about a post-CA:TWS fic in a long while. We're talking frothing at the mouth here. I have such a massive crush on this fic, it's a bit embarrassing, really. It's one of those fics where you know after just a few paragraphs that you're in very good, very competent hands. The wealth of historical and cultural detail; the way the story shifts/flips/flickers back and forth between time, perspective and narrative levels; the Bucky voice—it's all so well done! I'm so insanely excited to see where the author takes this!

ENJOY!

[imtryingbuck]

Clingy

~ gif not mine credit to owner ~

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: Bucky overhears his girlfriend calling him clingy

Word count: 1243

Warnings: sad Bucky and swearing

A/N: whilst editing this I realised that Alpines a girl but just for the sake of this story we’re going to pretend she’s a boy🙃

Masterlist

Bucky had a massive smile planted on his face as he left the bedroom he shares with his girlfriend and cat; he was so proud of himself for finally mastering online shopping - he just ordered a huge cat tree for Alpine. To others it wouldn’t have been important but for him it was an accomplishment he was excited to share with his girl.

With a little bounce in his step, he was about to turn the corner to where the common room was when he comes to a stop.

“-I’m telling you Nat it’s annoying” he smiles at the voice that has soothed him to sleep more times than one “he’s so clingy, always wanting to lay on me, always following me around, trying to kiss me whilst I’m eating! It’s like he always needs to be touching me at every given moment, God he’s so needy” his heart breaks not only at the words but at how frustrated she sounds. He really didn’t mean to be clingy and needy, there was no doubt in his or anyone’s minds that he was in love with her, everyone always mocked about how he was her shadow, but he didn’t care. Being her shadow was his way of showing her that he loves her and that he was always going to be there, that no one was ever going to hurt her. 

Not having the heart to hear the rest he turns around and walk back to their shared room, determination running through his veins he was going to change. He didn’t want to lose her. The last thing he hears is Natasha laughing.

“Y/N he’s a cat! He loves you” Natasha chuckles.

“Yeah but still… it’s annoying. Because the worst part is that he only does it when Bucky isn’t there” Nat tries really hard not to laugh at the pout on the other woman’s face. It doesn’t take long for both burst out laughing.

~~~

Throughout the week Y/n notices something wrong with Bucky, it wasn’t normal for him to be out of bed before her - not anymore at least - he didn’t want to cuddle up with her anymore, the kisses were quick. It was hurting her; she was missing him even though he was close by. It wasn’t just her that noticed Bucky’s strange behaviour.

“What’s going on with you and Mr grumpy pants?” Sam asks as he hands her a fresh cup of tea.

“I don’t know Sammy, he’s been distant this past week and I don’t know what I’ve done”

“Have you guys argued?”

“No” taking careful sips of the hot beverage “the last time we argued was when I took that bullet for him and that was like what three months ago? We only argued for about an hour before we made up.”

“Wait… seriously that was the last time you argued?”

“Yep, we don’t argue about anything. Yes, we have disagreements about everything and anything, but it never leads to us fighting. But we also come to a mutual agreement on whatever we’re disagreeing with.”

“Okay okay” he puts on his concentration face on as she always puts it “have you took any bullets for him recently?” chuckling when he receives a deadpan look.

“No Sam I haven’t taken any bullets for him recently” rolling her eyes as she sets the now empty cup down “I honestly don’t know what I’ve done, I miss him.”

Standing up and placing a kiss to her temple “Go and talk to him, it’s breaking my heart seeing you both sad and mopey.”

“I will, thanks Falc”

Instead of going to find Bucky she grabbed her coat and bag and headed down to the garage, once she was inside her car she drove to the store.

The bed was covered in all different kind of snacks and drinks, her plan was to sit him down and talk then they’ll spend the rest of the night in bed watching movies and filling their faces. Making her way out of the room she went to track down her boyfriend - finding him in the gym.

“Hi bubba, can you finish up here and come with me” instantly not liking how her voice sounds.

“Um okay just give me a minute.”

“Of course.”

“Im done, where we going.?” Bucky’s right hand twitches to reach out to hold hers but all he does is shoves it in his pocket.

“Back to our room. We need to talk Buck”

He was prepared to drop to his knees and beg for her not to break up with him, promises on the tip of his tongue that he’d change and be better. Before he could utter a word, they had arrived at their room. The door was closed softly behind them whilst his head was bowed downwards finding his shoes more interesting. 

“Buck I don’t know what I’ve done wrong but I’m sorry I don-“

“I heard you”

“What?”

“I heard you talking to Nat about me being clingy and needy and annoying and I’m trying baby really I am. I gave you space, Im keeping distant because I love you and I don’t want you to break up with me an-“ 

“Bucky breath! Here sit down, focus on your breathing bubba” Moving him to sit on the sofa that was in their room, she knelt down in front of him going through his breathing exercises.

It took nearly 10 minutes for him to get his breathing under control, leaving him feeling more ashamed as always after he had a panic attack “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” he manages to rasp out.

“I’ll tell you what I always tell you when you have panic attacks - don’t apologise. It’s okay bubba I promise, I’ve got you” taking his hands into hers so rubs her thumbs over his flesh and metal knuckles “I wasn’t talking about you that day Buck, I was talking about Alpine. He followed me and Nat into the common room and Nat made a comment, I was talking about how he only wants me when you’re not around. Oh bubba you actually thought I was talking about you?” Taking one of her hands from his she wipes the stray tear that rolls down his cheek as he nods “Bucky I love it when you’re all over me, I love knowing that I’m never alone because your always there. I have never once thought you was clingy not once! I love you Buck and I love the attention you give me and affection you show me. Please bubba understand that”

“I love you too” bringing up her hand in his metal one “I’m sorry for overreacting baby I should of spoken to you”

“Give me a kiss and all is forgiven” she grins cheekily.

He pulls her on to his lap and kisses her, both sighs contentedly as they share their first kiss in a week little pants of air leaves their lips once they detach from one another.

“I brought snacks and drinks so how about me and you get into bed watch movies, eat, cuddle and maybe some other activities?” She says with a suggestive tone with one eyebrow raised.

Bucky chuckles when a squeal interrupts him standing up.

The third film has finished, not like they were watching - to busy doing other activities - they lay tangled with one another. 

“I brought Alpine a new cat tree off the Amazon.”

~ banners credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~