#STRANGERS ONLINE....absolutely not. we have to be classmates or actual friends.

[mortalfollies]

i cant believe people go on reddit and get feedback for their writing, i'd rather die

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 4 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad

Matt, Lily finally had a name to put instead of only texting the random digits that Alex had given to her a few days prior. Unable to resist and despite the late hour, Lily was eager to share this with her best friend who would definitely enjoy having the latest details regarding the mystery boy as she had called him.

As Lily got up from her bed and rushed to her friend’s room, she didn’t wait for a response when she knocked and immediately entered – Lily knew that Alex was still awake because of the light coming from the bedroom and the fact that Alex was a hundred percent a night owl. The look on Lily’s face and her tone were enough to draw Alex’s attention:

“Alex!”

“Lily!” the blonde replied with the same excitement her best friend had despite not knowing yet what would follow.

“Guess who has a sort of new friend?” Lily asked with a tone that was pretty much giving the answer. 

“Ooh mystery boy is back? Tell me!” Alex was absolutely involved in whatever happened between her friend and the stranger.

“Okay sooo, I have a name: it’s Matt. we actually cleared the ghosting situation, he was just busy which is completely understandable like– we barely know each other so I didn’t need a whole explanation to be honest.” Lily shrugged as saying that – it was true, she wasn’t really bothered by it.

“What else have you learnt about him?”

Alex could see how genuine the smile on her best friend’s face was when talking about this potential new friendship of hers. By force of habit, Lily gave her unlocked phone to Alex for her to read the latest conversation while she replied to the question:

“I’m so happy because he is a huge Pokemon fan and I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting it like he’s not as into the DS games as I am but he seems to adore Pokemon like in general, the universe and everything as much as I do so it’s really exciting that we can bond on that! I hope we can find more stuff we have in common in the future like movies or TV shows, you know?”

While listening to Lily, Alex couldn’t help but think about the only Matt she knew: Matthew Sturniolo, one of the triplets she’s been following on YouTube. A bit far-stretched maybe, Alex thought as there were probably thousands of Matts on earth who love Pokemon, it's just a coincidence. 

For now, Alex was just enjoying her friend having someone else in her life apart from Jade and Lucas who also worked at the café. The blonde was thinking back to middle and high school when it had always been the two of them without anyone else. Obviously, they had had a few classmates they liked talking to at school, but never has Lily ever had other friends for she wasn’t very outgoing – Alex became more of an extroverted during high school and kept a couple of friends from that period but it was hard, even nowadays, for Lily to go up to people and get to know each other. Online friends was a concept that Alex always thought would correspond to Lily as speaking to people without meeting them was so much easier than being face to face with someone you absolutely don’t know. She was really hoping that this friendship would help Lily grow and appreciate new beginnings as well as changes.

~~~ 

For the following weeks, a new routine had started for Lily. On the one hand, she was spending more time knowing Matt – she had for instance learned that he loved hiking in the mountains, while she briefly talked about her wish to travel the world. On the other hand, Alex was successfully getting her deeper into the Sturniolo fandom and twice a week when Lily would come home from work, this was what she was welcomed with:

“NEW VIDEO!!” Alex shouted when hearing Lily close the door.

“Yayy, let me just take a shower and get changed, I’ll be here shortly”, Lily replied, eager to watch the new video.

“Okayyy, I'll wait for you! What’s twenty more minutes after an hour”, Alex laughed at herself.

Since Alex had managed to convert Lily into watching the triplets with her, she decided she would now wait for her best friend to come home so that they could watch the new videos together. Before that, Alex would simply watch the Sturniolo Triplets alone in her room, but as Lily had now found interest in watching them as well – Alex was glad the Wheel of Doom video had convinced Lily that the triplets might be funny, they actually started watching them on their TV in the living room.

After Lily returned from her well-deserved shower, the two girls sprawled out on the sofa and Alex gave a snack to Lily as she looked for the latest video on the boys’ channel – this had been their ritual for every Wednesday and Friday.

“I didn’t see the notif on my phone, what’s the title of today’s video?” Lily asked.

“It’s Triplets brothers lie detector test (Chris’s revenge), it’s gonna be so fun!” Alex replied, excited to see how it would turn out. “Remember last week it was only Chris who had to answer questions, so this time I guess he’s gonna ask Matt and Nick.”

“Yeah I remember, I’ll remind you that most of the time I’m the one with a better memory than you!” Lily argued – honestly it was half-true because there was one time when Lily forgot what Alex said to her only two seconds later. “Last week was really funny, I loved how Chris would just smile after every question for no reason.”

“Oh my god, yes he waaas”, Alex – a certified Chris girl – agreed with her best friend.

As they watched the video, the girls couldn’t stop laughing at the answers given by either Nick or Matt. For instance, when Nick denied that he would give a kidney to Matt – the reply being so quick but turning out to be a lie was always funny to see. Moreover, it simply ended up showing the special bond between the three brothers, something hard to understand but beautiful to look at.

Then, as Nick tried to cover the lie from John – the computer guy that somehow always does these tests, no matter the YouTuber, Lily couldn’t help but feel like she was missing a piece of information.

“Wait what– Chris has a brand? Of what?” she asked the girl sitting next to her.

“Oh, it's his clothing brand. I’ll show you after the video, it’s honestly sick!” Alex explained. “I’d die to have something from FreshLove”.

Unknown to Alex, this was something that Lily would definitely not forget as she was already planning on looking it up on her own – away from Alex’s eyes – so that she could maybe find a birthday present for her best friend. This was always a very special event for the both of them as they were both gift givers that loved trying to find or make the perfect gift for the other.

On the same subject, as Matt was now the one answering questions from his brother, a relationship as pure as the girls’ could be observed when Chris asked him if he ever felt jealous of his brothers. Matt’s no was agreed by John to be true; and while the three boys were smiling, Matt decided to add that he only felt proud of them, thus getting an aaww from both Chris and Nick – as well as Lily and Alex.

The video nearing to an end, Alex and Lily couldn’t help but burst out laughing when Chris mentioned his Pepsi addiction.

“It’s honestly a wonder how this guy even survives on Pepsi like– bro fully believes that it’s not crazy even when his brothers tell him it is.” Lily couldn’t comprehend this triplet.

“No yeah, I don’t know whether to cry or keep laughing right now because I know Chris is def not making it to forty years old”, Alex could only agree with the blonde.

After this simple exchange, Alex looked at her friend and couldn’t help but feel overjoyed with the feeling of knowing that the person she loves the most in her life was loving the same things as she does.

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice

[cyndavilachase]

I’m Looking Forward Now 💖Thank you and good bye

So, it’s been a little over a week since Steven Universe Future ended… 

I’ve been hesitant to write this, honestly, but I’m tired of holding myself back from properly expressing myself in fear of appearing overly invested in the media I consume, even in private. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I feel like these thoughts in particular may resonate with many, so I want to share them. I want to talk about what Steven Universe has done for me personally, both as an artist, and as a person.

I’ve been around since the day the first episode of the original series aired. I actually remember when Steven Universe was just a logo on Wikipedia’s “List of Upcoming Cartoon Network Shows” list, back when I was a freshman in high school. It piqued my interest, but when commercials finally dropped for it, I thought it was going to be bad because of the way marketing handled introducing Steven as a likeable character. There was still something about it that made me want to give it a chance though, so I went online and watched the pilot before the first episode's release. I was hooked immediately. I knew I was going to love it, and I did. I fell so absolutely in love with Steven as a character, and the world that he and the gems lived in. I became obsessed. I was always so excited for new episodes to come out. Little did I know what else it would do for me as I went through my adolescence alongside it.

As the show progressed, it was evident that what I wanted out of a western animated childrens’ cartoon was finally coming into fruition: this show was becoming serialized. There was continuity, there was plot, there was character development-- it was getting deep. It was pushing the groundwork that Adventure Time laid out even further (thank you, Adventure Time).  

I will give credit where credit is due: earlier western childrens’ cartoons I grew up with like Hey Arnold, and Rugrats, among others, also touched on heavy topics, but Steven Universe was able to take similar ideas (and even more complex ones, concerning mental health and relationships) and expand on them outside of contained episodes and/or short arcs. These themes, which were a part of the show’s overarching story, spanned across its entirety. Continuity was rampant. 

What did this mean? It meant kids cartoons didn’t have to be silly and fun all the time and characters weren’t just actors playing a part in 11-minute skits. Steven and the gems would remember things that happened to them, and it affected them and how they would function and play a part in their story. This was a huge deal to me as a teenager. I always wanted the cartoons I grew up with featuring kid characters to feel more. In my own work, I often felt discouraged when combining a fun, cutesy western art style with themes as dark or layered as anime would cover. I always thought it had to be one or the other because an audience wouldn’t take a combination of the two seriously enough, based on discussions I had with classmates, friends, and online analysis I read at the time. Steven Universe proved to me otherwise. This show was opening the door for future cartoons exploring in-depth, adult concepts. I felt so seen as a kid, and was inspired to stick with what I love doing.

I was actually very worried about the show’s survival. It was in fact immensely underrated and the fandom was miniscule. Then in 2014, JailBreak dropped, and it’s popularity exploded. Part of it was because of the complex plot and the themes it was covering like I mentioned, but also because of its representation. 

I remember when fandom theorized that Garnet was a fusion due to grand, tragic reasons. Turns out, she’s simply a metaphor for a very loving w|w relationship. This was huge. I cannot stress how important it is that we continue to normalize healthy canon queer relationships in childens’ media, and Steven Universe finally was the first to do that proper. Introducing these themes offers the chance for a kid to sit there and ask themselves, “Why is this demonized by so many people?” I asked myself exactly that. Ruby and Sapphire were my cartoon LGBT rep. They were the first LGBT couple I ever ecstatically drew fanart of. I was dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia at the time, and they showed me that I was allowed to love women and feel normal about it. The process of overcoming this was a long one, but they played a part in my very first steps into becoming comfortable with my sexuality. I could go on and on about it’s representation in general-- how it breaks the mold when it comes to showcasing a diverse set of characters in design, in casting, and in breaking gender roles. It’s focus on love and empathy. Steven himself is a big boy, but he's the protagonist, and the show never once makes fun of his weight, or any other bigger characters for that matter. It wasn’t hard to see why the fandom had grown so large.

Fandom was always a joy for me. It was a hobby I picked up when I was in middle school, like many of us here did. I would always cater my experience to fun, and fun only. I only started getting more deeply involved in SU’s fandom when I had just turned into an adult. During the summer of 2016, between my first and second year of college, I drew for the show almost every day non-stop when the Summer of Steven event was going on and posted them online. This was a form of practice for me in order to become not just more comfortable with experimenting with my art, but also to meet new artists, make new friends, and learn to interact with strangers without fear. I dealt with a ton of anxiety when I was in high school. When I was a senior applying to art school for animation, I decided I was going to overcome that anxiety. I made plans to take baby steps to improve myself over the course of my 4 years of college. Joining the fandom, while unforeseen, was definitely a part of that process. I started feeling more confident in sharing my ideas, even if they were fan-made. I fell in love with storyboarding after that summer, when I took my first storyboarding class, and genuinely felt like I was actually getting somewhere with all of this. I remember finally coming to a point in my classes where I could pitch and not feel hopelessly insecure about it. I was opening up more to my friends and peers. 

But this process, unfortunately, came to a screeching halt. 

My life completely, utterly crumbled under me in the Fall of 2017 due to a series of blows in my personal life that happened in the span of just a couple weeks. My mental health and sense of identity were completely destroyed. All of that confidence I had worked for-- completely ruined. I was alone. I nearly died. My stay at college was extended to 4 and half years, instead of the 4 I had intended. I lost my love for animation-- making it, and watching it. I could no longer watch Steven Universe with the same love I had for it beforehand. It’s a terrible thing, trying to give your attention to something you don’t love anymore, and wanting so desperately to love again. I dropped so many things I loved in my life, including the fandom.

Healing was a long and complicated road. I continued to watch the show all the way up until Change Your Mind aired in the beginning of 2019, and while I still felt empty, that was definitely a turning point for me with it’s encapsulation of self-love. I was hoping James Baxter would get to work on Steven Universe since he guest-animated on Adventure Time, and it was incredible seeing that wish actually come true. The movie came out and while I enjoyed it and thought highly of it, I was still having issues letting myself genuinely love things again, old and new. It was especially difficult because cartoons were my solace as a kid, when things got rough at home. I remember feeling sad because the show ended, and not getting the chance to love it again like I used to while it was still going.

By the time Steven Universe Future was announced, I was finally coming around. I was genuinely starting to feel excitement for art and animation again. I wasn’t expecting there to be a whole new epilogue series, but happily ever after, there we were! Prickly Pear aired, and the implications it left in terms of where the story was going did it. I was finally ready to let myself take the dive back into fandom in January of this year. My art blew up, something I wasn’t expecting considering my 2-year hiatus. Following this, I was invited into a discord server containing some of the biggest writers, artists, editors, and analysts in the fandom. I had no idea there were so many talented people in the fandom, some already with degrees, some getting their degrees-- creating stuff for it on the side just for fun. The amount of passion and productivity level here is insane, and so is the amount of discussion that has come out of it.

I didn’t realize it at first, but it was actually helping me gain back the courage to share ideas. I lost my confidence in pitching while I was taking the time to heal, and graduating meant there would no longer be a classroom setting I could practice in. This group helped immensely. 

I have made so many friends through this wonderful series, and I have so many fond memories talking to like-minded creatives, getting feedback and a myriad of sources for inspiration, as well as all of the memes and jokes and weekly theorizations that came about as we all waited on the edges of our seats for episodes to air. I needed this so badly, I needed to get back in touch with my roots, when I would go absolutely hog-wild over a cartoon I loved with people who loved it as much I did. Future has been a blessing for me in this way. I graduated feeling like I was back at square-one, but now I feel like I’m on my way again.

It’s 2020 and while I’m doing great right now, I am honestly still recovering from the total exhaustion that followed after graduating a few months ago, and finally leaving the campus where my life fell apart behind. Needless to say, watching Future was like looking into a mirror. Watching one of my favorite characters of all time-- one that grew up with me-- go through so many of the same things I went through not too long ago was absolutely insane to watch unfold. It’s such an important thing too, to show a character go through the process of breaking down over trauma and all the nasty things that come with it, and to have them go on the road to healing. Steven got that therapy. He wasn’t blamed. The gems were called out. The finale was everything I could have ever hoped for. The catharsis I experienced watching it was out of this world.

As I continue my own healing journey, I will always look up to the storyboard artists, revisionists, and designers that I have been following over these past 7 years, as well as the new ones introduced in Future. It's been such a joy watching these artists release their promo art for episodes, talk about their experiences working on the show, and post the work they've done for it alongside episodes airing.

Thank you Rebecca Sugar, the Crewniverse, and the fans, for making this such a truly wonderful and unique experience. Thank you for reminding me that I am, and always will be, an artist, a cartoonist, and a fan. Thank you, my followers, for the overwhelmingly positive response to my artwork. I have had so much fun interacting and discussing the show with you all again over these past few months. Steven Universe and it’s fandom will always have a special place in my heart, and it will always be a classic that I will return to for comfort and inspiration for decades to come. I am sad that the cartoon renaissance is over, but so many doors have been opened thanks to this show. I am so, so excited to see what this show will inspire in the future, and I hope one day I get the opportunity to be a part of that. 

Goodbye Steven, thank you for everything. I wish you healing, and I wish Rebecca and the team a well-deserved rest. ♥️

-Cynthia D.

[jasonbehrs]

i wanna read every word, chapter 2

by airauralintensity (aka me, jasonbehrs!)

“Have you ever fallen in love with someone you’ve never met?” “Uh, do you mean like we’ve-been-doing-long-distance-slash-online-dating or like I’ve-been-crushing-on-the-cute-barista-at-the-library-cafe?” “Ummm, more like I’ve-read-their-poems-and-sure-they’re-very-talented-but-their-handwriting-alone-makes-me-smile.” “… That’s oddly specific.”

fandom: kpop, super junior characters: eunhyuk, ryeowook; guest appearances by the rest of sj-m and yesung ship: eunwook genre: romantic comedy themes: alternate endings, strangers to lovers, handwriting, identity reveal setting: college chapter: 2/4 word count: 5.2k

read it below or on ffnet, aff, wattpad

A/N (6.6.2021): Welcome to the next installment folks! Some clarifying things:

- This is the first of two alternate endings to the story, which answers the question, 'What if Ryeowook finds out first?'

- I got some interesting reviews/PMs about the last chapter? Eunhyuk isn't pining after Yesung or anything, and I didn't mean to indicate that would be an aspect of the story. If you were looking forward to it, I'll be disappointing you today haha. Feel free to let me know how much you hate me in a review ;)

Also, today would have been my grandmother's 102nd birthday, so I'm dedicating this chapter to her since she always loved seeing me write. Love you, Nanay!

~~~

He and Hyukjae haven't hung out alone before, but he's sure this won't be awkward. Their only real link may have just been Yesung, but Hyukjae successfully ingrained himself into their entire friend group in the short weeks since they first met. Besides, even if Hyukjae weren't so willing to help him with his twisted scavenger hunt for love, Ryeowook thinks he'd like to hang out with him some time anyway. He's grown to like Hyukjae, really.

At least, that's what he tells himself when he turns the corner and sees Hyukjae sitting alone on a bench in the quad with his legs crossed, a laptop over one knee and an open notebook on the other, waiting for him to arrive.

Ryeowook takes a breath to steel his nerves then heads over to plop himself right next to the other. He doesn't say anything and takes out his own work instead. They don't have to start with the crush thing.

"Ah, my favourite person under 5'2". How do you do?" Hyukjae snarks without pausing his typing.

In response, Ryeowook uses a single finger to tip Hyukjae's notebook onto the ground without remorse.

"Ya!" Hyukjae picks up his notebook and slaps Ryeowook with it.

On the downswing, Ryeowook freezes.

"Oh shit, did I hit you that hard? Sorry, I didn't mean to," Hyukjae hurriedly apologises, but that's not it at all.

Ryeowook had caught a glimpse of the notes hurriedly scrawled across the open book. He would recognise that handwriting anywhere.

"Why don't we get started then," Hyukjae offers uneasily, eyeing how Ryeowook's stance hadn't relaxed yet. "Um, did you bring a copy of one of the notes like we discussed?"

Of course he did. Ryeowook was so excited to be one step closer to identifying the person behind the song lyrics that took up as much space in his brain as his Food Sciences lecture notes, he had brought the whole ass scrapbook with him, eager to show off his favourites to a new and willing audience.

But now, Ryeowook is panicking. He found the object of his affections much sooner than for which he was ready; and said object is sitting right next to him, staring at him expectantly and eager to help.

Not letting himself think it through, Ryeowook rummages through his bag looking for viable scraps of paper. There is no way he is going to hand Hyukjae's own work to him, so he makes do with what he's got.

He bypasses the lyric samples he actually prepared for today's meeting and found ones of his own making which he had intended to recycle weeks ago but never got around to. He silently thanks himself for this terrible habit as he frantically smooths out the small squares of paper before handing them to Hyukjae.

The other raises his eyebrows as he reads through the papers. "Damn, I was hoping that maybe one of these things had even a little similarity to an assignment we've heard so far, but no dice."

Ryeowook nods, affecting understanding disappointment even as he privately rejoices.

"Do you mind if I keep these? I can, like, surreptitiously check people's notebooks during group assignments," he offers with a laugh. "Pearl blue sticky notes can't be that common in a class of 50, right?''

Ryeowook smiles, wide and fake. "Fingers crossed!"

~Even though we're making awkward conversation, it's clear that we're happy to be together.~

Thus proceeds their search for Poem Person. (The gender-neutral nickname Mi had come up with stuck even after Hyukjae revealed those were not actually poems being left behind. Alliterative nicknames are just so catchy.)

"Okay, what if we tie a balloon to your chair and hope Poem Person likes balloons enough to take it with them around campus?" "No way, they won't take it." "How could you possibly be so sure?"

Sometimes, it's Hyukjae coming up with ridiculous plots.

"Trust me. They curl their lowercase L's." "I'm gonna let this go, but I want you to know that makes zero sense."

Plots which Ryeowook foils with equally ridiculous reasoning.

"''We might have never known each other, but we crossed faraway paths and came together. We crossed the distance of a stranger that's farther away than space.' Huh, not bad." "You think so?"

Sometimes, it's Hyukjae asking to read more of the scraps that Ryeowook collects, partially so Hyukjae can make fun of him, but mostly so that he has more clues.

"Yeah. I mean, it doesn't help me at all, but your man's got a way with words. I wonder why he doesn't submit any of the stuff you've shown me for class. It's worth critiquing."

An ask which forces Ryeowook to wrack his brain for passable imitations of song-lyrics-that-could-be-mistakenly-construed-as-poems and to get used to writing with his nondominant hand.

"Pass. Pass. Pass. Pass." "Really? You're passing on Park Hyungsik?"

Today, neither of them are feeling very motivated, so Hyukjae pulls up the Facebook profiles of his classmates and let Ryeowook play smash or pass because "it's fun to hear strangers' opinions on people you know."

"Oh, absolutely. Does that guy look like he cares where he dots his i's and j's? Hard pass," Ryeowook maintains.

Hyukjae shakes his head in amazement as he pulls back his phone. "You'll meet him one day, and you'll regret this moment; mark my words. Hyungsik is universally loved. Honestly, I'm not convinced yet Poem Person isn't him. He fits basically all of your criteria."

Ryeowook has to actively smother a knowing smirk. "What a shame."

He didn't come clean to Hyukjae in the quad that day because he panicked. Ryeowook was not mentally ready to meet the object of his affections so soon, much more confess, so he acted on impulse to buy himself some time.

Once he had it, he got curious.

It's no secret that Ryeowook had built up an idea of what Poem Person is like. The lyrics provided some insight, of course; but most of his intuition came from the handwriting itself. From what he could see, Poem Person was supposed to be intensely passionate, excitingly impulsive, and almost sickeningly romantic.

"Okay, how about this guy?" Hyukjae asks as he passes his phone over again.

Ryeowook takes one look at the screen and snorts. "Very funny. Pass."

The app is opened to a photo of Hyukjae himself posed unnaturally on a couch wearing a forward-facing snapback perched atop his head and an awkward half-smile, and Ryeowook refuses to look at it any longer before he does something he'll regret, like coo affectionately.

"Pass!?" Hyukjae repeats with mock-incredulity. "Don't you think he looks charming and witty and oh-so-loveable?"

Ryeowook indeed had a lot of thoughts about what Poem Person would look like, and 'charming,' 'witty,' and 'oh-so-loveable' have indeed flitted through his mind. Actually, Ryeowook finds that Hyukjae and Poem Person aren't altogether dissimilar.

Hyukjae is passionate about his craft, to be sure, but it doesn't occupy every one of his waking moments like Ryeowook expected. He is as much of a romantic as the next person is, but really Hyukjae is poetic, a distinction Ryeowook learns and appreciates very early on. Hyukjae is a little too thoughtful to be so impulsive, but his quick wit and ability to do/say/become whatever a situation calls for more than fulfill the quota for chaos that underlay Ryeowook's original supposition.

So yes, Ryeowook is withholding the truth so that he can slot the person he made up in his head into the person Hyukjae is, but it's been worth it.

"He looks like a brat and like his feet smell." "YAH! My shoes don't breathe!" "Get better shoes, then." "Give me the money, then." "Get a job, then." "That's not fair! Helping you find Poem Person is basically my part-time job!" "Consider it more of an unpaid internship."

Before Hyukjae takes his turn to volley back, his phone rings in his hand.

"Ah, as much fun as this was, I gotta go. I have a mini-showcase coming up, and I've been slacking on rehearsals." He shakes his phone towards Ryeowook, and the latter could see an alarm screen that reads "get your dumb ass to the gulliver center!"

Ryeowook's heart beats a noticeable thump thump all of a sudden. "Can I come with?"

"S-sure," Hyukjae says, shocked by the offer. "But why?"

That's a great question. For now, he says, "Because your internship is getting in the way of your studies, and I feel bad," but later, he'll know it's because he didn't want his time with Hyukjae to end so soon.

A grateful grin spreads across Hyukjae's face, and Ryeowook will add that onto his list of reasons later as well. "An audience is always welcome."

In no time, Hyukjae is in a practise room in the athletic center stretching his limbs every which way while Ryeowook watches as intently as possible while feigning interest in literally anything else in the room.

The bass-heavy noise music that Hyukjae puts on startles his attention back onto the dancer, and Ryeowook can no longer hide how blatantly he stares.

Hyukjae moves through the choreography so fluidly it almost looks lazy. He goes from jagged angles and harsh lines to sinewy curves and rolling waves to strong stomps and high jumps with no hesitation. He plays with the rhythm of the music, and he makes full use of the space available to him. Ryeowook is barely processing one impressive move when Hyukjae executes another one; and before he knows it, the performance is over.

"So," Hyukjae pants, "what'd ya think?"

"It's…" Jaw-dropping. Powerful. Hot. "… impressive," Ryeowook says at last.

Hyukjae smiles tightly. "Thanks. It actually needs a bit of work for the showcase, but I don't think the routine is all too shabby."

Ryeowook watches as Hyukjae watches himself through the mirror, redoing parts of the choreography over and over again at different tempos just to fine-tune his movements, and he can't help but feel like Hyukjae needed more from him.

"Um, I wonder if maybe it's lacking emotion?"

All movement halts. "What?"

Ryeowook didn't mean to say that; but now that it's out, he finds himself needing to continue. "You move well, um, obviously," he gestures awkwardly to Hyukjae's person, fighting a blush. "It looks physically difficult, sure, but what is it that you're trying to say? Like, I'm guessing you chose that song, too, right? So, why?"

Hyukjae stands in the middle of the room, arms limp by his side, and staring at Ryeowook with an unnervingly blank look on his face. Ryeowook hastily backpedals, "But hey, what do I know? I'm sure your professors will watch you and see all the nuances I can't with my untrained peon eyes. I was just… talking to talk, I guess."

"No, but I think you have a point," Hyukjae interjects.

Ryeowook perks up. "I do?"

"Yeah, like… I was so focused on trying to show what I can do with something only I could do, but that means basically nothing when any one of my classmates could learn my routine with only a week of practise. The only way I would be able to stand out is from whatever I put into it, but you made me realise I didn't put anything into it." He plops on the floor, eyebrows furrowed in consternation.

Ryeowook shakes his head adamantly. "No, no! There's clearly something there! You just need to, like, bring it out more. You have that whole idea—that this is something only you can do. You can take that, morph your routine into a testament to your need to prove yourself. Start with some trepidation, throw some desperation in the middle, and end with triumph. Honestly, I think I saw a little bit of that in your performance already. Maybe it was an accident, but now, just… do it on purpose."

"'Do it on purpose,'" Hyukjae repeats to himself. His head is down, so Ryeowook can't immediately tell what he thinks of the idea. He's ready to apologise again, even offer to go home so that Hyukjae can concentrate better, but then Hyukjae raises his head. "Alright, let me give that a try."

His eyes are filled with will and determination. Ryeowook, of all people, put those there.

He sits back and watches Hyukjae rehearse his routine over and over again, getting better and more evocative each time.

The Hyukjae before him is not a Hyukjae Ryeowook would have been able to guess based on his handwriting and lyrics alone.

Ryeowook knows basically nothing about dancing; but over the past few weeks, he's really come to know Hyukjae. He's noticed how the other is prone to express himself through movement, like when he accentuates his stories with body language and physical reenactments. It belies a comfort and confidence with his body and what it can do with which Ryeowook could never empathise. It's a subtle thing, but impactful nevertheless.

He smothers it down because he doesn't want to give Hyukjae the wrong idea, but he wants to laugh.

Only he could fall for a dancer's words first before anything else, and only he could fall for the same person twice.

~Where should I start? When should I say it? Darling, our seconds, our minutes together were beautiful.~

"Ryeowook, why haven't you asked to see my handwriting yet?"

"What?"

They had commandeered a study room in the library, but honestly neither of them are making a lot of headway in their respective assignments. Ryeowook didn't want anything to do with Organic Chemistry, but this conversation is making him reconsider his previous stance.

"Isn't that what you're into? Trying to infer people's personalities based on their handwriting?"

"I'm not into it. It just happened."

"Okay, sure, but aren't you, like, good at it now? Read mine! Tell me what it says about me."

Ryeowook, desperate to squash this idea immediately, blurts out. "It… It won't work!"

"Why not?" Hyukjae pouts.

Ryeowook scrambles. "Because I know you already. Yeah. I'll see and interpret things in a way that confirms what I already know."

Hyukjae eyebrows furrow in what Ryeowook can presume is consternation. "Sorry," he offers feebly.

Some more time passes, and Ryeowook makes mild progress on his O-Chem work, before Hyukjae speaks up again. "So if you can't do me, can you do my friend?" he asks with an excited tone that makes Ryeowook wary.

"I do not want to do your friend." You, however…

"NO! I mean: can you interpret my friend's handwriting? Here. He left it at my place last time we studied together."

Hyukjae's smirk radiates smug self-satisfaction, and with one look at the paper, Ryeowook understands why. He actively controls every muscle in his body to prevent the facepalm that's threatening to break loose.

He has to give Hyukjae props, though. If Ryeowook weren't already so intimately acquainted with the handwriting on the page before him, the other's ploy could have worked.

Regardless, he still finds himself in the position he was trying to avoid in the first place.

All the best lies are based in truth, right? "So I can tell your friend has a very high-stress major. The handwriting is cramped and small, like he can't waste a single stroke or else he'll miss something he needs to write down. Ah, see how he doesn't fully cross his t's and dot his i's? He thinks he'll be able to read his own handwriting later. He probably has decent memory or just has a lot of faith in himself."

Hyukjae nods with an impressed frown. "Huh, not bad."

It would be so, so easy to stop there, but Ryeowook can't. He loves Hyukjae's handwriting too much. "And look here," he points excitedly to a cross-out near the center of the page. "He could cross out his mistakes with a single line or a little squiggle, but he completely blocks it out instead. It suggests he has more confidence with the obvious; but really, I think he needs the reminder. Like, 'Yeah, I made a mistake. I'll move on, but I won't let myself forget. That way I don't do it again.'"

A moment later, Ryeowook realises with a jolt that he had been holding and smiling at the scrap paper a little too tenderly. He whips his head up in embarrassment, an explanation-slash-apology at the tip of his tongue, but Hyukjae doesn't seem to notice.

In fact, Hyukjae has been silent the whole time. Ryeowook chuckles awkwardly. "Am I right?"

"Huh?" Hyukjae intones as he's brought out of his reverie. Ryeowook thinks he sees something in his eyes when their gazes meet, but Hyukjae blinks and it's gone. "I'm sorry, what did you ask me?"

"I was wondering if I was right. About your 'friend,'" Ryeowook reminds, air quotes clear in his tone.

Hyukjae shuffles uncomfortably in his seat. "I think you're more right than even he's ready to admit," he says with a hand at the back of his neck and a sardonic quirk of his lips.

The sight causes an unexplainable swell of affection within Ryeowook, and he turns away. "He can take his time," he assures, eyes trained on his textbook even though he can't read a damn thing.

Hyukjae nods his thanks and turns back to his homework, but Ryeowook doesn't feel right letting it end here.

"Hey, wanna give my handwriting a try?"

~You always lift your head to look up at me. I want to take my big hands and cup your small cheeks.~

Next time they're meant to hang out, it's the weekend; and Hyukjae texts him to meet him at Bomnal.

"Both of us were here just two days ago, and we have to be here again in two days. Don't we spend enough time in Bomnal as it is?" Ryeowook complains as soon as he enters the atrium of the academic building.

"Think of it like a field trip. Come on, Wook," Hyukjae says as he leads them to the second floor lecture hall.

"Pretty sure field trips are meant to take us out of the classroom, but sure, whatever," Ryeowook grumbles as he follows along.

He's testy. He knows it, but he can't help it.

This is the first time both of them will be in Bomnal 235 at once. It feels like a turning point, like he's going to learn something today whether he wants to or not. He wonders if Hyukjae feels the same sense of impending that he does, or maybe it's just worse for him because he's in love.

As soon as they open the doors, the automatic lights flick on and douse the room with a very awake yellow.

"So… where do you normally sit?" Hyukjae asks as he motions to the empty seats before them.

Ryeowook freezes. Now that it's upon him, he can definitively identify this as the thing he was anxious about.

What if he tells the truth, Hyukjae realises Poem Person is him, and he feels awkward about it? Their comfortable but still-very-new friendship would evaporate on the spot, and Ryeowook won't have him in any capacity, much more a romantic one.

So, in another impeccable display of judgement, he decides to lie again.

"Oh, you know… I change it up," he mildly comments as he moves to somewhere near the middle of the first row. He sits down and gives an unassuming grin to his friend, who makes a face. "You're one of those people? Haven't you heard of the same seats code of conduct? You fed me some crap about curling L's when really it's your fault the balloon trick wouldn't have worked," Hyukjae jokes in that way where he's completely serious but is phrasing it with humour.

Ryeowook feels a genuine, fond grin spread across his face before he can help it, and he quickly ducks his head. "Why are we here, again?" he asks instead of dwelling on the validating comfort of being known.

"Why not?" Hyukjae asks as he moves to sit down. "This is the place it all began, right? Might as well."

Ryeowook, for his part, only stares.

Hyukjae went up to a seat in the rear right quadrant of the lecture hall. Ryeowok's own, real seat is directly in front of where the other is sitting. That can't be a coincidence.

"Um, I'm guessing that's where you sit?" he asks as casually as possible.

"Huh? Oh! Haha, yeah. It's funny, I didn't even think of sitting anywhere else. My feet just automatically guided me here."

"So funny," Ryeowook squeaks out.

"Yeah, my friend in the class actually used to sit with me, but it became very apparent very quickly that we would never get anything done if we did, so he moved down there." Hyukjae points with his foot to Ryeowook's seat, and Ryeowook's breath hitches in his throat. "Sometimes when I'm bored, I just can't help but throw stuff onto his desk just to annoy him." Hyukjae mimes a free throw shot towards the desk and smiles.

Well, if there were any doubt before in Ryeowook's mind that Hyukjae was Poem Person, it has summarily been erased.

Ryeowook hums but says nothing else, letting a companionable silence stretch between them as he acknowledges the warmth that settles into his chest when he confirms with himself that yes, he is glad that Hyukjae is Poem Person.

"Why are you helping me?" he asks, curious and without judgement. The abrupt question startles the other out of whatever reverie he had settled into during their respite, but Hyukjae bounces back quickly, as he always does.

"You know, I had to figure that answer out myself," Hyukjae answers with a laugh. He leans back in his chair with his hands folded behind his head, staring out at the empty lecture hall. "I told you I would at first because it was obvious that I was the only one in a position to actually help. It wasn't even an option in my mind that I wouldn't… But even after my sense of obligation ran out, I wanted to keep going.

"You're cool, Ryeowook. You're fun to be around, you're sassy, you're down to try anything once. You're totally comfortable being yourself, and your 'self' is crazy. Like, who else trusts in their gut enough that this person you're chasing after is worth the effort? Who else would go to the lengths to which you're willing to go just to meet him? Honestly, I think that's pretty awesome. I don't know if I could have that same confidence you do."

He tilts his head towards Ryeowook then and gives a close-lipped, self-convinced smile. "If anyone's gonna find love based on a few scraps of paper and a dream, it's gonna be you."

Ryeowook nods mutely. He hopes the distance between them is enough to disguise the blush on his cheeks.

Hyukjae faces forward again. "If I think about it, I guess I'm being selfish, too. I want to believe a love like that is possible; and if I help you find him, I'll get to see it happen for myself… I really hope this guy is worth it, Ryeowook. I think it would break my heart as much as yours if he weren't."

He is, though. He's so worth it. "Me too."

~Longing is a beautiful pain I thought I could endure.~

Ryeowook walks out of the campus mail room, and life couldn't get better.

He just picked up a care package his mom sent him; he got a 94 on his last Nutrition Essentials quiz; and Hyukjae loves the new low-fat, protein-enhanced strawberry scones recipe he tried out yesterday.

Speaking of whom, he thinks this whole Poem Person plot is going to wrap up soon. The last time they must have actually worked on a strategy to find out who Poem Person was, like, two weeks ago at least; and Ryeowook's glad he can stop pretending he has any interest anymore.

Their friendship has wholly evolved beyond the point of needing a project to work on in order to spend time with each other anyway. Why pine after a fictitious man when he has a whole Hyukjae right there, who buys him coffee lattes simply because he's Hyukjae's dongsaeng and who helps him study for his quizzes even when Hyukjae himself is stressed.

Ryeowook tells himself that with some more time, the whole mystery will just fade into an inside joke between the two of them, a white whale they can reminisce about when they're sipping soju and reminiscing… preferably cuddled on a couch and with his head on Hyukaje's shoulder.

However, his friend group did not get the memo.

"So, uh. What happened to Poem Person?" Henry asks one weekend while everyone is at Ryeo-Mi's apartment.

"Shut up!" Kyuhyun admonishes with a slap to the back of Henry's head. "Ryeowook hasn't annoyed us with that in weeks. Aren't you grateful?!"

"I actually am very curious about what happened there. Weren't you and Hyukjae supposed to find him together?" Yesung asks.

"The gen—" "Maybe I'm manifesting, Mi! Ever think of that?"

Ryeowook cuts in before Mi's feelings get even more hurt. "Yeah, we were, but honestly I've kinda given up on the whole thing."

He expects some shock, but he couldn't have predicted who would be the most affected. "You're just gonna give up on finding love!?" Mi despairs.

"Actually, the potential for a romantic relationship was never confirmed," Henry quips. Yesung gives Henry a high-five.

"It was just a little crush," Ryeowook defends. "I've moved past it, as I was bound to do eventually." He says this last part to Kyuhyun, who he knows was the most annoyed with his actions back then.

"'Eventually' doesn't end in time for finals week, Wook," Kyuhyun retorts.

"Well, now you never have to worry about it, Hyun."

"Is love dead?" Mi desponds aloud, but no one pays him any mind.

Ryeowook pats his roommate's shoulders in a half-hearted attempt at consolation. If Mi turns out to be the only casualty in this whole ordeal, Ryeowook will count this as a win.

What he doesn't count on is the fact that Hyukjae would invariably hear about it.

"Is it true?" Hyukjae corners him after Ryeowook picks up his order from the on-campus cafe.

"You know, I don't think so. I think she's just Henry's accompanist for rehearsals," Ryeowook responds genuinely, certain that the latest gossip about Henry's potentially secret girlfriend is what Hyukjae must have been referring to.

"What? No!" Hyukjae stops in confusion but stomps after Ryeowook once he gets his bearings back. "No, I heard that you gave up on finding him, that you gave up a while ago. Is it true?"

Ryeowook hesitates to sit down at the open table he found, and Hyukjae's entire posture seizes in betrayal. "Alright, got it," Hyukjae says with an edge to his tone. "Do me a favour, yeah? Never talk to me ever again."

"Wait!" Ryeowook calls once Hyukjae turns on his heel and storms off. "Hyukjae, wait!" He pays no mind to the fact that he's abandoning his belongings as he chases Hyukjae outside. "I get that you're angry, but don't you think this is a little much?"

He reaches out for Hyukjae's upper arm, but the other immediately shrugs it off. Ryeowook flinches and retreats slightly. Despite the other's obvious fury, Hyukjae is stopped in place and seems willing to actually talk to him, and Ryeowook holds onto that hope instead.

"No, actually," Hyukjae sneers. "I think this is the perfect amount of much when you find out your best friend has been wasting your time for who knows how long!"

Of all the things Hyukjae could have said in that moment, Ryeowook didn't expect that reaction at all. It stings more than he expects, cuts through his defensiveness; and despite his position in the situation, he can't help but need comfort. "What do you mean?" he asks in a confused, desperate voice.

"What do I mean?" Hyukjae repeats exasperatedly. "Ryeowook, we spent weeks together trying to figure out how to get you your dream guy! We never even got anywhere, and, and… And it's all because of you! You shot down basically every one of my ideas practically from the beginning, even after I told you how much it would personally mean to me. That is, like, the textbook definition of a waste of time!"

"You weren't having fun?"

"What?" Hyukjae demands incredulously.

"All that time we spent together," Ryeowook clarifies as he steadfastly meets Hyukjae's angry gaze. "You didn't have fun?"

Hyukjae is silent, and his body posture screams obstinate defiance, but his eyes remain trained on Ryeowook.

"You didn't come to look forward to spending time with me? You didn't spend your free time thinking of ways to make me laugh?"

Hyukjae rolls his eyes. "So what? What does any of that mean when you were just stringing me along? You… you weren't even using me!?" he exclaims, voice rising in a hysterical question. "That was literally the whole basis of our friendship, and you couldn't even do that? Like, what could you have possibly gained from lying to my face like that for all this time?"

Ryeowook gives a watery smile at the non-answer and looks down at his fingers fidgeting together. "I did, too," he says in a voice so quiet it was like he intended to keep that to himself.

It's silent for a long time after that admission. Hyukjae's lividness has dissipated, and he is only left with a disappointment so painful he doesn't want to dwell on it any further. He moves to leave Ryeowook alone outside of the cafe, but Ryeowook's voice stops him.

"W-What did you say?" Hyukjae asks with apprehension.

Ryeowook ignores the tears falling from his eyes as he repeats himself. "I'm in a rush to catch you, but you're in a hurry to leave. Should I just surrender? Now we're like an old and worn notebook filled with scribbles."

Hyukjae simply stares, and Ryeowook takes that as his cue to keep going. "Take your beautiful smile with you. Don't leave it here. You saw me with tears in my eyes."

By heart,

"I was a selfish man, but my life is divided into before and after I knew you."

Ryeowook recites lyric,

"When I first saw you, it felt like a miracle."

after lyric,

"I'm thinking of you more today. I wonder how tomorrow morning will be. Will I miss you more than I do today?"

after lyric;

"I'm honest because I don't know lies before love."

and before he knows it,

"I'd place my feelings on the thawing snow. I'd hang my wish on a disappearing star, but only if you ask me to."

Hyukjae is within arm's reach.

"It's me?" Hyukjae whispers into the scant centimetres between them. "It's really me?" he asks again when Ryeowook had simply nodded.

Ryeowook can't even help it when he recites, "Even when you ask me again, for me, it's only you." with a breathy laugh as he shyly looks away.

Hyukjae moves to gently hold Ryeowook's hand. "And you're okay with that?"

Ryeowook wants to laugh and melt and cry and run away, but instead he settles for an earnest nod and a hesitant smile. "Are you?"

Hyukjae answers him with a kiss, and it feels like a dazzling melody.

~Together, we can make all our unfulfilled dreams come true.~

[oneandahalfwolf]

a very happy birthday to the mun behind @bloodsorceress​. i hope you enjoy this little drabble and have a fab day.  

“So, what do you guys think the new student is going to be like?”

Iley raised her head briefly to look at Mika’s grinning face before going back to her stretches with a slightly exasperated, though begrudgingly fond, shake of her head. She loved her friends, she really did, but sometimes they were so typically vapid it made her miss the snooty students at her old French High School. She never thought the ‘California Valley Girl’ stereotype she had seen in so many American movies could be true. Even if only one of the trio of girls was actually from that area.

“I heard he’s some street dancer kid from England or something,” Evie, the one Californian in the group, responded. Mika’s grin only grew, swinging one leg over the other from where she sat perched on an amp, leaning back as if posing for a swimsuit photo shoot.

“Well...” the blonde drawled in her, surprisingly natural, posh Oxford English accent, “maybe that will give us something in common.”

“Pump the brakes blondie,” Paige, the group’s native New Yorker, interjected. “You’ve not even met this guy yet. You have no idea if he’s even going to be into you.”

“Who could resist me?”

“You want the whole list?” Iley said with a raised brow, her French lilt peeking through her generic American accent. Mika immediately pouted while the other two girls quickly broke into giggles. Eventually the blonde rolled her eyes and leaned forward, blue eyes fixed on the short brunette.

“Well what do you think then ‘Ley?” Iley gave a half shrug, shifting her body to help Paige with a partnered stretch.

“I don’t have any thoughts. I’m waiting until whoever they are arrives and we actually meet them before making any assumptions.” Evie scoffed.

“God you are no fun shortstack.”

“Well,” Paige said, grunting slightly as the stretch pulled at her muscles, “whoever it is, I heard he was fast tracked all the way into second year. Didn’t even have to audition or anything. Got plucked straight out of whatever school or street corner the Headteacher saw him at.”

“As long as we don’t get a fucking Step Up situation,” Evie sneered, picking at some fluff on her leggings. “I am so not up for that whole fusion bullshit.”

“Open your mind Evie,” Iley said, finally getting up from the wooden floor. “Maybe you’ll actually learn something.”

The other brunette scowled and opened her mouth to argue, but was cut off by their teacher entering the room, clapping her hands to get their attention.

“Alright class, alright class, please get in formation.” The woman waited until her students had lined up before carrying on. “As you’re all probably aware, we shall be having a new student joining us today. They will be arriving shortly after the Headteacher finishes their induction. In the meantime I don’t want us lazing about waiting for them, so everybody get into pairs and begin basic warm ups.”

Iley immediately partnered up with Paige, not in the mood for anymore of Evie and Mika’s gossiping, and followed the rest of the classes lead in starting their exercises. Fifteen minutes later they were on a water break when the door to the studio opened, their teacher greeting the Head immediately. The brunette had her back to the door, busy taking a long drink from her water bottle, but heard every word that was spoken.

“Good morning class.” There were a few echoes of ‘Good Morning Mx Kader’ before the Head continued. “This is Benkai’l Brandr and they will be the new student joining your class today.”

Iley’s head snapped up, not taking in any of the rest of Mx Kader’s welcome speech. That name. It couldn’t be. Her eyes went to the full length war mirror and focused on the new figure standing beside the headteacher. She gasped, her bottle of water slipping from her grasp and falling to the ground almost in slow motion.

They were older. Taller. So much taller. But the eyes were the same. Grey like a stormy afternoon. Skin was still as pale as snow and smattered with freckles. Freckles she used to play connect the dots with when they were four.

Her water bottle hit the wood floor with a loud clatter making everyone look her way, but she didn’t care. She simply turned sharply and openly stared, mouth agape as she tried to form words.

“Noc?”

The new student, who had been staring at the fallen water bottle, looked up at the name. Eyes widened, brows raising towards black hair.

“‘Mira?” came the mumbled reply.

A sob escaped her throat as she brought a hand up to cover her mouth. The room was silent, everyone confused at the turn of events - with some even starting whisper.

It was broken as Iley sprinted forward towards the other teen, crossing the floor as fast as she could. The new student dropped the duffel bag from their shoulder and easily caught the brunette as she leapt at them. Her arms wrapped around their neck as her legs went around their waist, the two seemingly not strangers fitting together almost like a puzzle piece. Like they had been made to be two halves of one whole. The whole class could only stare as they pair spun around, the movement so fluid it looked like a step from a contemporary dance number.  

Iley started to sob into the much taller teen’s neck. They smelt exactly the same. Like fresh paper, burnt wood, and lilacs. One of her hands reached up and cradled the back of their head, fingers fisting the red beanie that was between her palm and their hair, pulling it off slightly. Not that her old childhood friend cared. They were just over the moon that she was here, in the flesh. Tears silently streamed down their own cheeks, feeling completely overwhelmed. But why wouldn’t they - their wildest dream was coming true right now after all.

Eventually Iley finally, though reluctantly, eased herself down off of the taller teen. However one hand remained clutching at their hoodie, fist pressed against their lower back. She swiped at her tears with her free hand, unable to take her eyes off their face. When someone finally broke the silence she had to look away.

“Um… Iley?”

Brown eyes landed on Paige and took in that the whole class was staring at the pair. The brunette cleared her throat, free hand going up to fix her dishevelled hair.

“Sorry. Sorry. This is… We were...” It was difficult to get the words out without crying all over again. “This is my best friend. We used to dance together as kids until I had to move away. We haven’t seen each other in ten years.”

A chorus of understanding and awed noises came from the surrounding class. The Headteacher cleared their throat, a strange smile on their face - almost like they had known and a plan had come to fruition, the twinkle in their eyes adding even more mischief to the expression.

“Well that is a wonderful happenstance. I suppose I shall leave you now however. I hope you can catch up soon, but remember; class first students.”

They nodded to the other teacher before taking their leave. The dance teacher gave the Head a wave before turning to the still pair still locked in what could be seen as an awkward embrace, but the two teens simply looked at ease more than anything.

“So um… Benkai’l wasn’t it? Why don’t you introduce yourself properly?”

“Uh...” The taller teen pulled the beanie Iley had loosened from its perch on their head before they rubbed nervously at the area. “Yeah, I’m Ben. I have danced lots of different genres over the years. Jazz. Tap. Contemporary. Ballroom. Currently though I’m mostly Street and Commercial. I’m majoring in dance here on a scholarship, whilst minoring in backstage and technical theatre. I’m originally from Scotland before we moved to Poland, and now I’ve come here for school.”

Iley grinned. She knew the Polish lilt they had under their Scottish broag had seemed stronger. Much like how her own French one had become more distinct since she moved to that country, theirs had done the same. And now she knew where the hell they’d ended up. Though she was sure there was more to the story. Something she couldn’t wait to find out.

“Well it's lovely to have you in our class Ben. I’m sure Iley can keep you right on how we work.” Iley gave a fervent nod, unable to stop herself from grinning. The teacher smiled before giving a clap and turning to the rest of the class. “Okay then, now we have all been introduced, let’s get back to work. I want you all to be on your best behaviour and perform your heart out for our new family member.”

Iley immediately dragged Ben over to the class side, ignoring the stares from her friends and other classmates, still unable to believe her eyes or let go of them in some capacity until she absolutely had to. Her childhood friend couldn’t help but laugh quietly even as they struggled to remove their hoodie. It was too cute. Besides they were more than happy to keep the girl close. Iley’s three girl friends could only continue to gawk. They had never seen the other girl like this. So.. happy.  

Class had to continue but all parties couldn’t wait until lunch to hopefully get some answers to their burning questions.

***

“What happened?”

Ben rubbed their hands free of salt and grease, swallowing the last of their mouthful of fries before clearing their throat and leaning forward, resting their forearms on the edge of the table.

“There was a fire. Three years after you left. Arson. Everyone’s fine though. Mostly property damage and a few minor injuries. But we had to go into Witness Protection. Change names and move away. Everything happened so fast we either lost your address or it was burned in the fire. I was… I was so heartbroken. I think I cried every night for a month. Mama tried to comfort me, and Tata tried to find you online, but we came up blank.”

“Three years after I moved?” Iley asked, moving back from where she had been leaning her chin on the lid of her drink. Ben nodded, frowning slightly. The brunette laughed, shaking her head. “I can’t believe this. Three years after I moved to England there was some bullshit with my grandparents. We had to go back to France to sort it all out. I wrote to you with the change of address, but obviously it never got to you. You wouldn’t have been able to find us cause we’d left the country.”

“Holy shit.” Ben shook their own head, chuckling in disbelief. “I can’t believe we were so unlucky.” Iley reached over and took one of Ben’s pale hands in her own, running a thumb over their knuckles.

“Hey,” she said softly, waiting until the taller teen met her gaze. “We might have been unlucky then, but we are fucking lucky as hell right now.” Ben chuckled, squeezing Iley’s hand.

“That’s an understatement Princess.” Iley grinned before letting go and grabbing a few of her fries from the table.

"So how are your parents?"

"Good," Ben replied, reaching for their burger. "They all adjusted quickly to the change. I mean Matka and Tata grew up there so they helped when we were confused, plus we'd already been learning Polish since I was wee. Mama and Matka opened a cake shop. Matka does most of the business side while Mama bakes. Papa got a job as a mechanic, while Tata went to work as a tour guide. He loves it cause he gets to wax lyrical about all his favourite places." They swallowed their mouthful and shook their head again. "They aren't going to believe I found you. I can't wait to tell them."

"Same with mine," Iley responded. "When I wasn't getting any letters back from you I got so worried, even more so when some started coming back. To be honest at one point I thought you hated me cause I moved further away, but Maman reminded me that that was likely impossible. Said 'Noc would be more likely to forget a step in your best routine than hate you.'"

"She's right." Ben leant forward, elbows resting on their table and fingers interlaced as they looked at her with a critical gaze, though there was a light twinkle in their eye. "Okay so, we know why I changed my name, but why did you change yours."

"Oh, right. Sorry," Iley replied with a wince, realising she had slipped up. Ben waved it off, that lopsided smile she had missed so much still on their face. "Well for me… Short version is, the crap with my grandparents put a sour taste in my mouth and I didn't want anything to do with them, name included. I brought it up with Maman and she agreed to let me change it, as did Papa and Dad. She was sad but she understood. They've all been really good with using this new one."

“I still can’t believe you picked that name.”

“You’re one to talk,” Iley said with a laugh, leaning over and gently punching them in the shoulder. “I guess… It just fit. It was our favourite book as kids. I mean we used to play pretend all the time, acting like we were the fabled Wolf Prince and Water Princess. Hell we based our best routine on that story.” She gave a shy shrug. “I dunno, I guess I thought if I picked that one then I’d be a bit closer to you in some way.”

“To be honest,” Ben said quietly, “those were my thoughts exactly when I picked mine.”

Iley reached across the table and wrapped her left pinky around Ben’s right. The taller teen smiled and completed the link. Brown and grey eyes just stared at each other for a long while, looking much like a happy romantic couple - even though that was far from the truth. The sound of the door to the fast food joint opening broke the moment.

“I told you she’d be here!”

Iley looked up to see her three girl friends followed by the two boys of their small group - Nate and Jackson. She groaned and collapsed back into her seat. Ben’s brows furrowed and they started to turn in order to look round, but were interrupted by Nate hopping over the back of the booth to sit next to them. Their nose wrinkled as he stole some of their fries. Paige slid in next to Iley while Mika took a seat at the end of the table.

“So this is the new kid?” Jackson asked as he and Evie moved into an adjacent booth. “I hear you and Shorty here are an item? Or were at least very cosy in class.”

“Shut the fuck up Jax,” Iley yelled, trying to drown him out and earning a few glares from some of the other customers. Jackson simply smiled and ignored her, attention still on Benkai’l.

“Well? Are you hitting our little dancer?”

“EW!”

“NO!”

The two answers came simultaneously with almost identical looks of disgust. The other teens couldn’t help but laugh.

“She’s my best friend and my sister,” Ben said, squirming a little at the awful thought still in their head. “I love her, but not like that.”  

“So that means you’re available then?” Mika said with a salacious smile. Ben shuddered slightly.

“Sorry but I’m not interested.” The blonde flipped her hair and shifted in an attempt to show her cleavage to the other teen, smirking whilst she lowered her voice.

“Are you sure?” She batted her eyes. “If you give me a chance, I’m sure I can make you interested.” Iley couldn’t help but snort a laugh at the look on Ben’s face.

“First off I’m asexual so I’m not just not interested in you, its everyone. And second, no offence, even if I was interested...” They paused, face scrunching up as they tried to think of a nice way to put the next part of their sentence but came up blank. “Sorry but you look like one of my mothers.”

Mika’s jaw dropped as a roar of laughter went around the table. The blonde’s face turned a deep shade of red as she sank back down in her seat. Nate was the first to find a new question.

“Wait, mothers as in plural.”

“Yes,” Ben said slowly, brows furrowed.

“Nice.” Paige reached across the booth and smacked him across the side of the head.

“It's not like that. They’re with my Dads too.”

“Oooh, four parents. They have you beat Iley.”

Another round of laughter filled the table, one Ben managed to join in on. Iley was happy to see her newest friends accepting her oldest one. Though to be fair if they hadn’t, she would have dropped them easily for Ben.

“Can’t believe you guys came here.”

“You were the one who skipped out our usual lunch when there was new gossip to be had.” Iley rolled her eyes at Evie

“I dunno, maybe because I wanted to privately catch up with my childhood best friend who I haven’t seen in ten years or spoke to in seven.”

The bickering around the table continued until they had to return to class, and continued still on the walk there. It was too early for Ben to get fully involved but they felt like they had at least been accepted into the group. They were happy to just watch them all interact. Most of all they were happy to watch Iley being so animated and joyful. They were glad she had found that without them. But now they were more than ready to make up for lost time. Starting with some dancing.

[freshsliceoflemon]

1 | Projects and Objects

James Madison recently gotten a number from one of his classmates, since the two have a project due next week. Turns out, the number is incorrect which leads him into talking to a total stranger, and then into an absolute disaster.

____

This is a college + modern + text/chat AU. It's a slow burn fanfiction, too, but not including Burr and Lee's relationship along with Hercules and Lafayette's. Madison/Jefferson/Hamilton ship. Warning: Cursing. _______________________

***-***-**** (3:55) P.M): Hello, Molly, this is James Madison. You gave me your number in class in regards to the group project we were recently assigned to. Since it is our duty to work together as partners, I hope we can come to an agreement where we have little to no social interaction at all.

??? (4:01 P.M): wot

???: Oh yeh

???: Think you have the wrong number, my dude

???: Yeah*

***-***-****: Pardon?

***-***-***: I have checked the number three times already.

???: Lmao molly gave you a fake number

???: she isn’t interested in u

***-***-****: Why should she be, anyway? I am not interesting in the slightest. We’re just partners for a project that we were assigned. Don’t assume.

***-***-****: Please disregard my rude interruption from whatever you were doing, I shall proceed to erase your number from my contacts and we will carry on like this never happened.

???: What

???: Noo dude wiat

???: James

???: jAmes

???: JAMES ANSWER ME THEERE’s A FIRE

***-***-****: If there is a fire, you should have called the fire department.

???: I just wanted to text u, sheesh >:^

***-***-**** (4:10): What is that.

??? : What is what ???: The emoji thingie??

???: Smh

???: I want to be your friend!! can we be friends????

***-***-****: Why? There is no reason for us to be, I just managed to get the wrong number.

???: I’m thomas!! Thomas Jefferson!!!

???: C’mon, let’s be friends! You seem like a cool guy

???: And a nerd, and nerds are my type ;))

***-***-****: What.

***-***-****: Whatever. I have no interest in pursuing a relationship with you, Jefferson. We don’t know each other at all, and I do not have time for friends. This project is worth half of my semester grade, and I will not be failing because of this foolery.

???: Smhhh

???: Seriously?? no time for friends

???: That’s really sad, my dude

???: well, guess what

***-***-****: What, pray tell?

???: Your my best friend now >:DD

***-***-***: You’re*.

***-***-****: And no, how does one simple interaction make you my “best friend”?

???: You’re my best friend now, shut up

***-***-****: Are you serious?

???: I’ll prove it to you then!!! watch!

***-***-****: What.

______

       Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers

Macaroni Fxcker (4:11 PM): Guys!!! tell james that I’m his best friend and that he can never deny it!!

A.Hammy: what

A.Hammy: dude who did you add

Macaroni Fxcker: My bestest best friend james

smile the fk more: I thought I was your best friend, Thomas

Macaroni Fxcker: Youre my second best friend don’t worry

A.Hammy: who did you add jefferson

Macaroni Fxcker: James!! say hii!

Baguetteroni: Hi James

***-***-****: Jefferson, why did you add me to this?

Baguetteroni: Wow

Macaroni Fxcker: I wanted to prove to you that im your best friend >:|!!

A.Hammy: smh..

A.Hammy: did you kidnap someone? again?

Macaroni Fxcker : Uh, no

smile the fk more: Thomas, are you lying

Macaroni Fxcker: I’m not!!

Macaroni Fxcker: damn now i have to convince yall that im not lying

***-***-****: What.

***-***-****: You kidnapped someone before?

A.Hammy: ugh we talked about this before jefferson

A.Hammy: so, “james”, what’d you do to get kidnapped by thomas jefferson???

***-***-****: I wasn’t kidnapped.

Macaoni Fxcker: Yeh!!! he said that he didnt have time for friends soo

       Seabunny is now online.

Seabunny: Whaat? But everyone needs friends :^

Leelee: omg stop fucking spamming my notifications guys

smile the fk more: Charles, mute the chat if you dislike the notifications

Leelee: shut up

smile the fk more: Yeah, I’ll shut up alright Leelee: oh no.

       smile the fk more is now offline.

Leelee: oh n o

Seabunny: So James! What’s your zodiac sign?? favourite animal???

Baguetteroni: Oooooo whats ur favourite color??????

***-***-****: what have you done jefferson

Macaroni Fxcker: I added you to my group chat duh

Macaroni Fxcker: I thought you were smart or somethin

       ***-***-**** has left Anatomical Lasers

       Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers

A.Hammy: bruh

Seabunny: ó .ò

Seabunny : What about favourte herbal tea?????

Leelee: wooow.

       ***-***-**** has left Anatomical Lasers

Macaroni Fxcker: Omg stop

       Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers

       ***-***-**** has left Anatomical Lasers Macaoni Fxcker: Bitch Seabunny: Oop-

       Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers Macaroni Fxcker: You should change your nickname Macaroni Fxcker: Numbers are boring, james >:|

***-***-****: Numbers are not boring and never will be. Just let me leave.

       ***-***-**** has left Anatomical Lasers

A.Hammy : Stp A.Hammy : fuck i meant stop* A.Hammy: it’s getting annoying

Leelee: lmao fucker Herc’s a femboy: Woah we have a new person 😳😳😳        Macaroni Fxcker added ***-***-**** to Anatomical Lasers Macaroni Fxcker: Look, james Macaroni Fxcker: I won’t stop until you stay Seabunny: Yeah!! I tried leaving a bunch of times before but I was never able to leave :>!! ***-***-****: Whatever, I give up. I have things to tend to, anyway. Baguetteroni: Like what        ***-***-**** is now offline. A.Hammy: damn jefferson A.Hammy: you made him mad lmaoo Macaroni Fxcker: I didn’t make him mad >:((((( ______        Macaroni Fxcker is now online. Macaroni Fxcker (5:43 PM): Jamesss are you alive?? Macaroni Fxcker (5:49 PM): Hellloooo??        A.Hammy is now online. A.Hammy: smh A.Hammy: cant you just dm him or some shit Macaroni Fxcker: I feel lonely right now so no >:(( A.Hammy: you’re overdramatic Macaroni Fxcker: You’re a cold blooded tiger shark, idiot A.Hammy: you frivolous wanna-be movie trope Macaroni Fxcker: Bruh you’re just a fuckinsnasdasdkasdjjjdjksdj,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, A.Hammy: what. A.Hammy: answer me A.Hammy: what the hell were you about to say A.Hammy: bitch Macaroni Fxcker: Whoopsie doodlie i dropped my computer on my face teehee o3o A.Hammy: how the hell do you do that? A.Hammy: actually don’t respond A.Hammy: it’s obvious that you of all people would do that Macaroni Fxcker: Ouch, hamilton,, you wound me A.Hammy: i sure hope i do.        Herc’s a femboy is now online. Herc’s a femboy: Kinky ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Macaroni Fxcker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) A.Hammy: shut the up Macaroni Fxcker: Excuse me?!?!!?1? A.Hammy: you’re excused Macaroni Fxcker: Humph >:| Herc’s a femboy: Lol gotta go Herc’s a femboy: I still need to finish sewing the scarf Macaroni Fxcker: Byeee A.Hammy: bye A.Hammy: have fun

       Herc’s a femboy is now offline.

       ***-***-**** is now online.

Macaroni Fxcker: Omg james it’s been so looong how are youu? ***-***-****: It’s been at least an hour since we last spoke, Jefferson. Macaroni Fxcker: Ugh only seeing numbers as your name is boooring ***-***-****: Numbers are not boring. A.Hammy: they’re not as boring as your mom tho Macaroni Fxcker: aLex we don’t know anything about james mom don’t say that DD:< A.Hammy: chill A.Hammy: whyre you so mad lmfaoo Macaroni Fxcker: >.> Macaroni Fxcker: James james james james change your nammmeee already ***-***-****: Why, exactly? Macaroni Fxcker: Changing your nickname thingie makes it less likely for you to leave!! Macaroni Fxcker: And i wanna know what creative things you can come up with!        A.Hammy has changed ***-***-****’s nickname to loser Macaroni Fxcker: Wtf hamilton A.Hammy: hahh loser loser: Sigh. loser: If you insist on me changing my nickname, then;        loser changed their name to Pluto A.Hammy: wow so amazing A.Hammy: i bet flat earthers love you

Pluto: What a shame, seeing as how you haven’t confessed to me yet. A.Hammy: what the shit no A.Hammy: smh i don’t support flat earthers Macaroni Fxcker: Woah. Pluto: “Woah”? Macaroni Fxcker: How small are you?? A.Hammy: i swear if you’re taller than me i’m going to kick you into next wednesday Macaroni Fxcker: I meant height btw Pluto: I’m 5’4. Why is this information necessary? Macaroni Fxcker: omg A.Hammy: i Macaroni Fxcker: omg omg omg you finally found someone shorter than you hammy A.Hammy: don’t fucking call me hammy Macaroni Fxcker: Hey, pluto Pluto: Yes? Macaroni Fxcker: Welcome. you have officially joined this group chat! we should celebrate Pluto: Thank you, I suppose. A.Hammy: yeah, welcome A.Hammy: i sure hope you enjoy your stay A.Hammy: because you aren’t getting out of here alive Pluto: I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.

[dionysus-is-my-dude]

Hi, I’m Luna. And I’m psychotic...

I’m up past my bedtime. So I’m already loopy.

I was a weird kid. A WEIRD kid. I knew I was weird. My family knew I was weird. My teachers and classmates knew I was weird. I always seemed both behind and ahead of other kids my age. I was the teacher’s pet, always doing well in class, always wanting to learn, always wanting to participate. I was always an honour student and won awards for my schoolwork. But, amongst my peers, I seemed younger than them, mentally. While other girls were talking about boys and make-up and stuff like that, I was still wanting to have sleepovers, play pretend, and read scary stories to each other. I was both the “mom” friend and the “baby”. I cared so MUCH about fictional characters, but so very LITTLE about real people. I liked dark, scary things, but also Disney princesses. I went through so many “phases”: tomboy, goth, prep, emo, punk, idgaf.

Everyone else was finding out who they were, growing out of their childhood and into adulthood. They were learning to pay bills, to have sexual relationships, and other stuff that are practically “expected” of young people these days. But I was struggling believing I was the reincarnation of Jane Austin, or that I was an alien trapped in a human body. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why everyone around me was growing and adapting as they got older, but I was still wanting to play on playgrounds, talk about space, play games, and have sleepovers where we sleep in the same bed. I get mocked by my family for liking Marvel so much, for not being “mature” enough to handle watching “Game of Thrones”, for loving Disney, and for wanting to stay home and write or craft all day instead of working.

For a really long time, I thought I was anything other than human: an alien, a fairy, a mermaid, an “Indigo Child”. I thought there HAD to be a strange reason as to why I’m just so different than everyone around me. I became a hypochondriac, thinking I was schizophrenic, or autistic. (No, I no longer think I’m autistic, guys.) I fit so many symptoms, but also not ENOUGH. I know for a FACT that I have psychotic depression, anxiety, OCD, ADD, agoraphobia, and sensory processing disorder. I’ve already been diagnoses with those.

I don’t know why I’m typing this all up instead of going to bed. I should’ve been in bed two hours ago. I just feel weird today for some reason. Maybe relief after a really, really stressful semester of college? I’ve been feeling really light and strange, and I’ve been watching videos about mental illness, and I’m writing an alien story and it’s got me thinking about myself again.

Psychotic depression is actually considered rare, even though, apparently, one in four patients with depression experience psychotic symptoms, too. My psychosis is mostly paranoia. I don’t like leaving the top floor of my house -my floor-, because I think someone will break in and attack me. I don’t like being in the dark because I think there’s a demon or something after me and just waiting to get me when I’m vulnerable. I think aliens are observing me at all times, especially on the flat ledges outside my rooms. I think that the government watches me and thinks I’m a threat.

Then there’s the delusions. I think I’m the reincarnation of princesses, of Jane Austin, and other important women in history. I think I’m this “saviour” of humanity, that I’m meant to bring about world peace. I think I’m the next step in human evolution (Indigo Child). I think that, if aliens were to visit me, they would take me away and teach me as one of their own. I think that I was never meant to be human, that I was meant to be something else, something purer and better than humans.

Then there’s the hallucinations. Yeah, I get ‘em. No voices or visuals. I smell and taste things that aren’t there. Usually sweets, which is abnormal apparently (most people smell terrible things), and cigarette smoke. I also feel touches when no one is around me. Like a hand on my shoulder or back. This really fuels my paranoia, making me think it’s a ghost or an alien.

I’m crazy. “No, Luna, don’t call yourself that. That’s offensive.” I’m gonna say it again: I’m crazy. I’m legally mentally ill and disabled. I’m insane. There are days where I’m extremely ashamed about that, and days where I tell total strangers about my mental illnesses. (I have a problem oversharing to people I don’t know very well because I’m so damn lonely.) I STILL sometimes spend hours online searching for an “answer” as to why I’m struggling so much. Could it just be my current mental illnesses that I’ve already been diagnosed with and am being treated for right now? Absolutely. There’s always new information coming out that my sponge-brain seeps up like liquid crack.

And yet...and yet...for all the information out there about my mental illnesses and disabilities, I still struggle. A LOT. And my family still mocks me. A LOT. And I know there are good times and bad times when it comes to mental illnesses, especially ones as serious as psychosis and anxiety, but...am I manic right now? I think I’m manic right now. But I’m not bipolar. Why am I still typing? It’s been half an hour since I last checked the time. I’m watching ironic tik toks on YouTube and not paying attention at all. That one was funny, though. Is this what it feels like to be high? I took all my meds today! Oh, but I WAS off my antipsychotics for, like, two weeks because I’m a piece of shit who doesn’t refill her scripts on time! I think I’m having a breakdown. I’m so sorry. I’m going to bed. I have tomorrow off. I’m gonna sleep as much as I can and wake up feeling like a zombie. I hope grandma is here tomorrow so I don’t wake up alone cuz i’ll freeak out. Good night! Stay Safe!

[flydotnet]

Tango à Trois - Chapter 1: Hollyhock

Next Chapter (TBA)

Summary: Aoi Zaizen is a confused bisexual girl with two crushes at once and who doesn't know how to cope with that. Miyu Sugisaki is Aoi's best friend with a crush and doesn't know how to cope with growing another crush. Yusaku Fujiki is a confused teenager with a crush on his classmate and doesn't know how to cope with having a crush at all.

Chapter Summary: (N/A)

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS Pairs: Aoi/Yusaku/Miyu (subsets: Zinnia, Angelmaker, future Moonlight), secondary Kiku/Takeru and Ema/Akira

Chapter Count: 1/?

Notes: If everything feels kind of weird, it's because it's all set in a no-LI, no-Link VRAINS-ish AU for VRAINS I've come up with like eons ago in Internet time.

I came up with this ship on the fly (haha pun) in a group chat on Discord and stuck with it for some goddamn reason, and now I can't let go of it. In case you were curious yes I actually have some semblance of plan for this despite having this rushed, shitty first chapter because this is literally a random outlet for when I'm less inspired by my actual WIP novels lmao. While I know nobody is really gonna give a shit, I'm still posting it to show there are other ships than DSS around this hell of an Earth

xoxo, Fly

AO3 version available here.

Aoi had always been a rather confused girl when it was about romance. She used to blame it on her brother’s overprotectiveness, but seeing as she was still confused when he started dating Ema, her current future sister-in-law (there was no way they were getting split up, they were the perfect awkward couple in her eyes), that had clearly been a wrong hypothesis and, needless to say, she felt dumb because of it.

In fact, Aoi was confused enough by what love even was to begin with. It was about finding people attractive and wanting to spend something like eternity with them, right? So why did she find everyone attractive? Why were girls cute and boys handsome? Wasn’t she supposed to be like her brother Akira and find either boys or girls attractive? He had told her it was fine if she was into girls, but he had never said anything about being into both, if that was the term for it. What if that wasn’t natural? What if she was never meant to find both attractive? Was she defective? So many questions…

 So she turned to her childhood best friend, Miyu. The latter had always been more in-touch with relationships and socializing, she’d have an answer, right? So they sent each other messages on one night, because Aoi was way too shy and intimidated to bring up such a sensitive topic in a public setting like school (someone could hear them, and it’d be catastrophic). Sure enough, Miyu told her it was called being bisexual, and it was perfectly normal.

Aoi’s heart strangely fluttered when her best friend, her most trusted confident, confessed to her that she, too, was bisexual and into both girls and boys. Was it relief or excitement, she didn’t know. She couldn’t guess or make a solid supposition, she couldn’t know.

 On another evening, she took it to Ema to make sure it was normal. Her brother’s girlfriend, recently turned fiancée, had truly become the big sister figure she had never gotten: Ema was the best person to confide something to and yet make sure her brother would never be aware of it unless Aoi told him herself. Ema had taken the topic seriously yet lightly, never overdramatizing everything like her sister-in-law had the tendency to do. However, even after confiding that she, too, was a bi lady (there really were a lot of bisexuals in her circles, huh), the flutter in Aoi’s heart didn’t appear again. She put it on the behalf that it could have just been her relief making her heart be all weird, but… there had to be something more to it. She knew it.

Aoi’s next step was talking it out with a long-distance friend she had met right before her brother had gotten his current job at SOL: Kiku. By that point, she knew she was bisexual and to distinguish romantic attraction from platonic feelings (mostly by using her brother and Kiku as references), but she still wanted to talk it out with another confident. Much to her fortune, Kiku took the news very well, wording huge words of supports and wishing her all the happiness in the world she could muster. The encouragement would have not been this overwhelming would Kiku’s boyfriend Takeru not have heard her happy squeals and joined in on the fun. Aoi was pretty sure she was radiating red when she got showered with an entire dictionary of nice words.

Eventually, she told her brother about it. Even if he was the one person she trusted the most in the world, the one she’d no doubt count on would something ever go wrong, the man who had raised her instead of their parents since she had been ten, she was still tense when telling him about it. He had shown distress at first, mostly because of how nervous she was when asking him “big brother, can we have a talk, please?”, but quickly untensed when she spat out the information. A pat on her shoulder and a hug later, her ears almost went deaf when he told her he was proud of her for being brave enough to tell him and wished her the best of lucks. Her entire being destressed with all of this behind her, but that didn’t solve another issue that had risen.

 The fluttering in her heart.

 The thing was, Aoi had ever only felt her heart flutter in this strange, intense way around two persons: Miyu and a boy from her class that she had eventually befriended. She wasn’t surprised to figure out she had a crush on Miyu: it only took her a few days to get over it, strangely enough. Perhaps it was because they had known each other for years; and knowing her best friend was no stranger to being attracted to girls comforted her into getting over it and acknowledging her romantic feelings. They had always been very close, always holding hands as children in the park and indulging in it when nobody was looking in middle school: there was nothing weird about what they were doing, what she was feeling.

Perhaps there even was a chance for Miyu to be in love with her too.

 However, the boy was another question altogether. Yusaku Fujiki was his name: he had always been rather quiet, not overly shrouded in mystery but never proactive in group conversations. They had shared classes for a few years by then, mostly subjects where she rather preferred teaming up with someone as discreet and apparently socially awkward as Fujiki rather than anyone else in the classroom (it also allowed her to escape from alpha bitchy popular girls and guys trying to hit on her as soon as they crossed gazes). Eventually, they became comrades, then friends, hanging out in most classes and between those to pass the time. Miyu had never been in the same class or workgroup as her: but it wasn’t too grievous when she had someone to rely upon, her now-trusted Yusaku.

Oh, that phrasing may have been too forward.

While Miyu and she had always been on a first-name basis, as calling each other by one’s surname was not a thing in kindergarten times, it hadn’t been the same with Fujiki. Getting to know each other as classmates passing papers off to each other to pass the time, helping each other in subjects in which they absolutely sucked (hers was Maths, his was Literature, and they were fine with that), joking about shared teachers were how they bonded, different experiences still retaining value to them: but they had to grow comfortable with the other and being close to them.

It wasn’t an easy task for someone like Aoi, who had always been “the SOL Security Manager’s sister” and trying to be profited upon (and, usually, her brother could immediately tell and sent them off): but Yusaku wasn’t like the others. He had never given a single damn about her brother’s job (or her brother at all, now that she thought about it), had never seen her as anything other than a classmate he liked to hang out with even outside of classes.

 And that was where it hurt, in a way.

 She was convinced Yusaku only saw them as that: friends. Considering their respective characters, it was already a miracle they had befriended each other and texted the other so often (as in, every day, and she was always excited to see what next trivia he could send her about his cat Ai and his friend Jin and his online best friend Takeru… Wait, that name was familiar), she couldn’t ask him to do much more than that. They were too introverted to have a mutual crush on each other…

…oh wait, that was even weirder.

Okay, finding both genders endearing and attractive was perfectly fine. Aoi was bi, her best friend was bi, her sister-in-law was bi… but falling in love with two persons at once, if that was her case, had to be abnormal. No, her feelings for Yusaku had to be something else… Perhaps she saw him as a twin brother? No chance, it was different from how she felt about her brother… Perhaps she saw him the same way she viewed Kiku, a trusty friend? No, no luck there either, there was the flutter and the weird pulses to hold his hand and maybe kiss him passionately against the wall… But then, what did she feel for Miyu?

The same thing, yes. Oops.

[scratchface]

Yusaku and the Rejection of Fear

Part four of the Yusaku character analysis! And more! Like discussion of some of the more subtle themes in Vrains, and what they mean.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

This is pretty long and image heavy, but it was by far the most fun.

Wariness

I’ve already talked about Yusaku and first impressions and how he analyzes everyone he meets for potential threats, but that says lot about Yusaku in regard to the first encounter. He trusted a stranger once without taking the due caution, and it’s not a mistake he’s going to make again.

That means with Yusaku, we can probably assume you’re a “bad guy” before you’re proven to be a “good guy”; not necessarily in terms of good vs evil, or guilty vs innocent, but In untrustworthy vs trustworthy.  

But despite his wariness, Yusaku disregards most people entirely; they don’t factor into his perception of the world as important at all. He doesn’t recognize a classmate on sight, and when he sees an out during the conversation with Naoki, after establishing that Naoki knows little about Playmaker besides rumors, he tries to take it.

But the confirmation Yusaku sought is actually quite interesting, because the only way Naoki would have seen Playmaker at this point was if he witnessed a duel between Playmaker and a Knight of Hanoi, or was a Knight himself. Yusaku was making sure the person approaching him had no connection to Hanoi, and had no leads on Playmaker. You can see this in how he actually asks Naoki two questions, despite being completely disinterested: he was prompting Naoki to give him more details about himself to work with, while never once giving away anything about himself.

In fact, this is a common tactic Yusaku uses in his IRL conversations; he always let’s others do the talking, and only briefly interjects to get them to talk more. He does it to Aoi, but mostly does it to Naoki.

This is how Yusaku monitors the people around him; Yusaku likes to know and control how much others know. He eavesdrops and investigates, but never gives away anything of himself except occasionally his name. Yusaku wants to know as much as possible while limiting the knowledge base of everyone else, which isn’t just a tactical decision on his part. When speaking of the incident and what came afterwards, Yusaku focuses a lot on how little he was told, and it’s clear that it still bothers him.

Yusaku seems to have a complex about knowing information regarding his current situation. The situation involved torture and starvation, but what may have scarred Yusaku the most what the lack of control and knowledge, the inability to understand his situation. Or rather, ignorance is intrinsically linked to powerlessness in Yusaku’s mind. That’s what leads into his obsession with finding the truth:

It’s fair to say that in Yusaku’s mind, knowledge absolutely means power. The one who uncovers the most is the victor, which is also why he’s jealously keeps his own secrets, except for when he’s lashing out at Hanoi.

In order to control the distribution of knowledge, Yusaku’s behavior is rather manipulative, but he almost never lies. When he himself is questioned, he gives a vague answer or none at all, and let’s the other draw their own conclusions. He carries a fake deck entirely for the sake of subterfuge. He takes the necessary steps to make sure he’s never pegged as a candidate of Playmaker’s true identity: no reputation as a duelist or a hacker in real life, or as someone invested in the matter of Hanoi. 

But despite how careful he is, Yusaku doesn’t hide his identity when breaking into Vyra’s apartment, despite the likelihood of her actually being in it and seeing him. There was no guarantee she would be in Vrains at the time. Yusaku was fully prepared to come face to face with a Hanoi General in her own home. Had she not been purged, Yusaku likely fully intended to interrogate Kyoko when she awoke. But then what? She still would have seen him, even if he sent her off with the authorities.

This all leads to a single conclusion:

Fearlessness

Yusaku is fully prepared to be found. He doesn’t want to be, but he doesn’t want the conflict with Hanoi to stay just in Vrains either. Yusaku wants justice beyond stopping Hanoi’s online activity; which is why he struggles to uncover the IRL identities of Hanoi’s knights, and also likely the reason Vyra was in jail. Kusanagi and Yusaku must have made sure the authorities found evidence of her cyber terrorism and the Another’s virus when they called an ambulance for her. Yusaku is careful, but he’s not afraid of confrontation. In fact, the character in the series least wary of the battle entering the real Den City may actually be Yusaku.

Let’s not forget, Yusaku has a hidden compartment in his apartment. One that protects his unconscious body from being found while he’s in Vrains. Yusaku included this because he thought him being found out and tracked down to his apartment was an possible eventuality. By staying within a secret room, if his identity was revealed and his apartment was raided, he could wait out the raid in hiding. Yusaku was anticipating taking the fight IRL, and properly preparing for it. That’s why he doesn’t hide his face, why he reveals himself as a victim of the Incident, and more.

Which brings new insight to these words:

This isn’t just a mocking reply; this is the truth. Yusaku really wants this fight. He’s completely unwavering before the possible IRL consequences and the dangers ahead.

Quite a bit of emphasis is placed on just how much time Yusaku has spent preparing for his revenge. That’s how much he’s been wanting it. 

Lots of characters in Yu-Gi-Oh express faith in their decks, but Yusaku especially focuses on how he built the perfect weapon for challenging Revolver and Hanoi.

It’s not just his cards Yusaku is confident in:

Yusaku won’t lose, because he won’t accept failure. After ten years of suffering and scheming, Yusaku isn’t going to let any of it go to waste. So much so that even when faced with what he admits is pitifully low odds, Yusaku considers victory the only possible result. For someone who was once caught and tortured by the people he’s now confronting, that’s nothing short of incredible. It’s like Yusaku has banished all his fear.

And because of his faith in himself, Yusaku purposefully takes risks and injures himself in order to gain advantage over his opponents. Yusaku doesn’t play safe; he carefully measures the danger of his every action and does it anyway. Whether it’s risking a limb or psychological trauma, Yusaku will do it if it means gaining leverage over Hanoi. His identity is just another chess piece he’s prepared to lose if it gets him closer to taking the king and knowing everything.

With Yusaku’s obsession with knowing the truth of the past and his struggle with making sense of his history, its really no surprise that the next villain has the ability to alter memories. In fact, its hard to imagine someone that clashes more with Yusaku on an ideological level.  

Humanity

Yusaku thinks people are the same as they were in ancient times. And the context of this line is the fear and superstition triggered by the eclipse in Vrains. Yusaku considers fearfulness inherent to mankind.

What does that say about Yusaku, who has no fear? Nothing absolute, but the implications are certainly there. No wonder Yusaku is unable to affirm his own humanity in the duel with Bohman.

But, there’s a little something more to all of this, that ties back in with a rather contradictory trait of Yusaku’s: his forgiveness.

So, @breakdawn-avenue asked a while back:

“I’m just re-reading your first part of Yusaku’s analysis (the abyss and his special person) and was wondering if it may change (a little bit, if anything) considering episode 58.”

I think the biggest shift in our perspective of Yusaku coming out of 58 is that he’s incredibly forgiving. We already knew this, seeing how he shrugs off Akira’s torture and maintains a relatively good relationship (not trusting, not friendly, but not bad either) with him and Ghost Girl despite how many times the two of them have screwed Yusaku over. But this is on another level.

I think Yusaku’s incredibly forgiving nature isn’t just compassion and empathy for others, it also comes from a place of apathy and mistrust as well. I mentioned Yusaku initial character bio before, but a huge part of that is “He only seems to trust Kusanagi.”

And it’s true. Kusanagi is one of the few people Yusaku expresses faith in, through out the series.

Besides Kusanagi and a few more arguable exceptions like maybe Ryoken and Takeru, Yusaku doesn’t trust anyone. He doesn’t have faith in anyone. He has no belief in the nature of other people, and no expectations of being treated with kindness. He thinks people are fearful, and what does fear do to people? Makes them focus on self-preservation. So when people betray him, hurt him, put him under the bus for their own self interest, Yusaku isn’t offended, because he expected as much. To Yusaku, it seems, people are just like that: cruel and selfish, and because he’s accepted it, it doesn’t seem to bother him much. Yusaku expects to be hurt.

Why? Because he once tried to make friends with a boy and got kidnapped and tortured because of it. The last time Yusaku believed in the innocent intentions of others was the start of his own living hell. 

And because Yusaku thinks everyone is like that, he doesn’t really resent it. He’s been through worse, so the petty hurts don’t bother him. He only trusts his own abilities, so the betrayal of others is just a minor inconvenience. 

Yusaku thinks all people act in their own self-interest, and he has yet to be proven wrong. Even Go, who stunned and impressed Yusaku with his compassion, his attentiveness to his opponent, and his sportsmanship has turned out to be as self-motivated as the rest. Aoi and Ema have been selfish characters from the start, and Akira has shown on multiple occasions that his own self-righteousness comes before all else. Yusaku doesn’t hold any of this against them. To Yusaku, selfishness is not a “bad” trait, its inherent within everyone. And he doesn’t hold Ryoken’s mistakes and crimes against him either, because while Ryoken had a hand in destroying Yusaku’s faith in humanity, he was also the only one to try and fix it. 

Speculation, Fear, and Life

But is Yusaku right? Within the world of Vrains, does fear and struggle make the average person selfish and cruel?

So far, yes, and ain’t that something? Dr. Kogami supposedly started all of this out of fear of mankind’s inevitable mortality, and committed atrocities in the name of alleviating that fear. Then, scared of the what his creations were capable of, he formed the Knights of Hanoi and tried to hurt and kill millions of people and destroy all computer-based technology. And the Ignis, the most “human” of all AI, are notable because of how they fear for their own lives, and may destroy humanity because of it.

The further you look, the more you see fear leading to selfishness or cruelty in Vrains, in the name of self-preservation. Go, afraid of losing his acclaim and the reverence of children, challenged Playmaker. Aoi, afraid of being unloved and left alone by her brother, challenged Playmaker. Akira, afraid for his comatose sister, tortured Playmaker. SOL, afraid of being unable to maintain their tech empire ordering the manhunt for Playmaker. There are more reasons behind all of these, but fear is an undeniable factor. 

Even more, we have Blood Shepherd, who seemed like a nice person before tragedy occurred and he became callous and cruel. He’s a representation of the “human” side versus the “AI” side. If Kengo and the Knights and SOL all represent humanity, it paints a pretty ugly picture, doesn’t it?

But let’s look at the opposite. If the desire to live in Vrains leads to selfish actions that harm others, what does it mean when people risk their lives?

What happens when people overcome fear, and decide there’s something worth risking their lives for? Sacrifice, almost every time. That is the entire basis of the Tower of Hanoi arc: every single character in Vrains besides Playmaker sacrifices their life, purposefully or not. All of the Hanoi generals, Ema, Aoi, Akira, Spectre, Go, Ai, and Kogami all sacrifices themselves and “die”, however briefly it lasts. And they do this because they’ve overcome fear and selfishness. Ryoken attempts to follow their example. Even the news crew put their lives at risk! Now, in season 2, we see Takeru overcoming his fear to join Playmaker, and repeatedly using himself as a meat shield for Yusaku’s sake, particularly in the most recent episode. We’re seeing similar progress with Aoi, Ema, and Akira too, as each explores their own different ideas of putting aside their self-interest and safety. 

So fear is linked with life, and courage is linked with death.

Except in the case of Yusaku. Yusaku is the exception, as his unwavering courage leads him to victory. 

If fear is what keeps people alive, is fear the result of free will, the drive people have towards life? Ryoken and Kogami insist free will is essential to life, after all, and the inclusion of free will in the Ignis allows them to fear for their lives. 

When Yusaku has a dream about Revolver talking about the lack of free will equating to a lack of life, he wakes up yelling “I…”.

As if something about “free will” causes Yusaku subconscious distress, enough that he wants to defend or explain something about himself. “I” what, Yusaku? Does Yusaku subconsciously feel like he lacks something essential to life? We can’t forget that Ai has pointed out that between them, it’s Yusaku that seems more like an AI. Ai is the “human” one between the two of them, and is certainly the one who possesses the most fear and sense of self-preservation.

Is Yusaku really missing some essential component to free will, to life, one that was lost to the Ignis, or is he purposefully leaving it behind and gradually becoming less human than the Ignis themselves? And is that why he isn’t sacrificed? What isn’t “alive” can’t “die”?

The further I get into this, the less likely it seems Yusaku is really “human” in the same way the other characters are, going by the recurrent themes. Is he from another dimension? A reincarnation? An advanced AI? An alien? Or, is he a human in the process of becoming something inhuman?

And what of the other six? Takeru’s arc is clearly addressing how he’s currently learning to abandon his fear, just like Yusaku already did. Spectre seems to have cast aside his fear as well, while Jin wallows in it. Eventually, though, we can assume Jin too will overcome his fear. Where is this all going? What makes the six kids exempt from the basic nature of humanity, a nature so pervasive it even infects the artificial creatures based on them? And if they lose the fear that keeps life-forms alive, what are they?

Will Yusaku’s rejection of fear, and therefore self-preservation, catch up with him in the end, claiming his life as it did the others’? His quest for revenge has been impressive, and successful, but there’s something self-destructive in his relentlessness.

[doomedhowell]

Oh, Teacher

Summary: Summer is over, and school is starting again. It’s Dan’s final year of high school. He’s a senior now, but that’s not the only thing that’s changed.

Genre: AU, Fluff

Word Count: 1,825

Trigger Warnings: swearing, studentxteacher relationship

A/N: Thanks so much to @vafa1808 for giving me this prompt :)

Dan lets out a sigh as he walks up to the school building, feeling less motivating about being back at school after having one of the best summers of his life. He’s been dreading about returning to school, although he’s not too upset because he’s happy that he gets to see his friends again.

Dan has a groupchat with his friends from school, and they’ve been texting each other all summer. Dan was away for most of the summer so he didn’t get to see his friends as much as he would have hoped for.

Dan shakes himself out of his thoughts before walking into school. He heads to his locker first before heading straight to his first period class, which happens to be English, his favorite subject.

“Hey stranger,”

Dan looks up when he hears the familiar voice and smiles when he sees his friend, PJ.

“Hey man! Good to see you again,” Dan says before pulling PJ into a hug. “No one else here yet?”

“It’s the first day of school, what do you think?” PJ chuckles. “Everybody is catching up with each other, however I don’t have the patience for that because it’s too early. I got here just as Mr. Lester did.”

Dan perks up as soon as PJ mentions Mr. Lester, the English teacher. “Mr. Lester is already here?”

“Yeah, but he went to the teacher’s lounge for something. I don’t really know,” PJ replies with a shrug before sitting back down in his seat. “Honestly, I’ll be surprised if Chris even shows up today.”

Dan laughs and nods in agreement. “Yeah, probably got drunk last night or did something stupid because he doesn’t want to go to school, but honestly… I don’t blame him,,” he sighs before sitting in the seat next to PJ. “Can you believe we’re in our final year of high school? Like, we’re gonna be free after this.”

“I know,” PJ smiles as he looks over at Dan. “It’s fucking exciting, that’s what it is.”

Dan looks up as more students start piling into the classroom, and then sits up when he sees Mr. Lester.

Mr. Lester looks over and smiles when he sees Dan. “Good morning boys,” he greets.

“Morning Mr. Lester,” PJ replies back. “How are teachers always so awake on the first day of school?”

“They’re probably used to it now. Oh, hey. What a surprise!” Dan grins when Chris and a couple of their other friends finally walk into the classroom. Chris is known around the school for skipping classes and causing trouble, and he also happens to smoke and goes to a lot of parties just to get drunk.

“Shut up,” Chris mumbles as he takes a seat on the other side of PJ.

“We didn’t think you were gonna show up today,” PJ reaches over and kisses Chris.

“I wasn’t, but my parents made me so I didn’t really have a choice,” Chris sighs and rubs his eyes.

“You’re so cute when you’re tired in the morning,” PJ grins.

Dan rolls his eyes as he watches the couple. “You two are absolutely disgusting,” he groans.

PJ looks over at Dan. “Don’t be so jealous Daniel,” he warns playfully before smirking.

“Believe me, I have nothing to be jealous of,” Dan huffs.

“So, Daniel, how was your summer?” Chris asks as he looks over at Dan. “We hardly saw you.”

“Uh, yeah… it was alright. My family and I went on a vacation so we were pretty busy,” Dan shrugs.

“A vacation? Surely Aiden would have been posting about that on Facebook?” PJ raises his eyebrows.

Dan looks over at PJ and raises his eyebrows. “I know, but, mom took away our phones for like two weeks while we were on vacation and we weren’t allowed to be on social media. It was one of those vacations,” he says, chuckling. “It was quite nice actually, not checking online every five minutes.”

“Shit,” PJ says as his eyes widen slightly. “I wouldn’t have been able to survive that.”

“Well, we were in Florida so we were busy a lot of the times,” Dan says. He places his hands on his desk and gently starts tapping on his desk, completely forgetting about the ring that sits on his finger.

PJ happens to glance over and blinks a few times when he spots the ring on Dan’s finger that he’s sure wasn’t there before, and it’s on his ring finger as well which confuses PJ.

“Hey, Dan? Where’d you get that ring from?” PJ asks curiously.

“What?” Dan asks, instantly looking over at PJ.

Chris looks over and raises his eyebrows when he sees what PJ is talking about. “Holy shit, dude,”

“Yeah, that ring. Where did you get it from?” PJ asks him again. “You didn’t have that ring before.”

“Oh, uh… yeah,” Dan chuckles nervously as he looks down at the ring. “It’s cool. Got it this summer. Hey, did you guys here about that party happening this weekend?” He looks up at Chris and PJ.

“Party?” Chris asks, his head snapping up immediately. “What party is this?”

“I heard someone talking in the hallway saying that there’s going to be a party this weekend,” Dan says. “Like, for a back-to-school party thing. I don’t know. It’s just an excuse to throw a party.”

“Fuckin’ sweet. I need to find out more about this party,” Chris says.

PJ rolls his eyes. “Of course a party being mentioned would get you excited,” he mumbles.

“What can I say, babe? I’m a party animal,” Chris smirks, leaning back in his chair.

Dan snorts. “Why did you fall in love with this fool, Peej?”

“Hey!” Chris huffs and rolls his eyes. “Peej, beat him up. He’s being mean to me.”

“Okay,” PJ laughs. “I’ll get right on that.” He reaches over and gently pats Chris’s shoulder.

“Alright, class. Settle down. Take your seat, but don’t get too comfortable because we will be having assigned seats,” Mr. Lester says as he looks up at his class and he chuckles when they start groaning. “Okay then, let’s do attendance.” He sits down at his desk and pulls up the attendance.

Phil finally starts doing attendance, looking up as he says the students name.

“Noah Harrison?”

“Here,”

“Chris Kendall?”

Chris blinks a few times as he looks up, and instantly looks over at Dan, who doesn’t seem phased at all that Mr. Lester completely skipped his name on the attendance. “Um, here?”

“Dan Lester?”

“Here,” Dan says, looking up at Phil and smiling at him. He looks around and blinks a few times when he sees that his other classmates are staring at him with shock. “What?” He looks over at PJ.

“Lester?” PJ hisses. “What the hell, Dan? What happened to you this summer?”

“Oh, heh. Um, guess I left out a little detail about why we went to Florida, didn’t I?” Dan blushes.

“PJ Liguori?”

PJ looks up. “Um, here…” He mumbles, glancing over at Dan again. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

“Later,” Dan whispers. He glances over at Phil once more before looking down at the ring on his hand and smiling to himself. He completely forgotten his other students had no idea that he got married this summer, let alone getting married to their teacher. He knew he had a lot to explain to his friends.

**

“Spill,” PJ says as he, Chris and Dan were standing outside waiting for their rides. School just ended and Dan’s been getting bugged all day about his last name change by Chris and PJ.

Dan sighs as he looks over at PJ. “I’m married now,” he tells him.

“You’re married?” Chris asks, raising his eyebrows. “You’re not even out of high school and you’re married?”

“What can I say? It’s not my fault that I fell in love,” Dan replies with a shrug.

“Dan? Are you ready to go?”

Dan looks over and he smiles when he sees Mr. Lester walking up to him. “I’m ready,” he reaches down and grabs his book bag from the ground, and then he reaches up and kisses Mr. Lester.

Chris and PJ are both in shock as they watch Dan, both eyes wide and jaws are wide open.

Dan looks over and laughs when he sees the look on their faces. “Surprise? Phil and I got married!”

Chris blinks a few times. “Phil?” He asks. “What the fuck, Dan? You married our teacher!”

“So, what? I’m an adult now, Chris. I’m eighteen years old. We’ve been dating secretly for two years but we wanted to get married as soon as I turned eighteen because no one can tell us no,” Dan explains.

“I mean… I guess,” PJ sighs. “It’s just really weird.” He looks up at their teacher.

“I know it must be pretty shocking to learn about this,” Mr. Lester, Phil, says as he wraps an arm around Dan’s shoulder, and gently squeezes him. “But, I can assure you that Dan is safe with me. I love Dan and would never do anything to harm him, though I understand if you have your concerns.”

“This is not how I thought our first day of school would go,” PJ mumbles.

“Do you guys wanna come over to ours?” Dan asks. “We can talk about it more there.”

“Wait, you two are living together? How do your parents feel about this?” Chris asks.

“They were a little hesitant at first but, like I said before, I’m an adult now. I’m married, and I want to live with my husband. I don’t want to live with my parents. That’s weird,” Dan says.

“I guess that’s understandable,” PJ replies with a shrug.

“Why don’t you guys come over for dinner? It’s taco night,” Phil grins.

“Taco night?” Chris asks, his ears perking up instantly. “Oh, hell yeah!” He high fives Dan.

PJ rolls his eyes. “I swear, you are literally the most easiest to please,” he says.

“And, that’s such a bad thing?” Chris asks, looking over at PJ with a smirk on his face.

“I’m leaving!” PJ exclaims before walking away while Chris bursts into laughter.

“Hey, our car is the other way!” Dan shouts before following PJ.

“Hey, wait for me!” Chris shouts as he quickly follows Dan and PJ.

Phil chuckles and shakes his head as he watches the three, “What am I getting myself into?”

Dan looks over at Phil and smiles at him. “You coming, Phil?” He asks.

“Yeah, wait for me,” Phil says as he catches up with the other three. He catches up to Dan, and smiles before leaning down and kissing him. “Did you have a good first day of school, Bear?”

“Mhm,” Dan nods. “I’m just excited for this year to be over with so we can be free from this hell.”

“It’s not that bad,” Phil chuckles. “But, I understand. I’m just excited for what the future will bring us.”

[danfanciesphil]

Hey, I am looking at doing the Creative Writing MA in Paris,but I was just wondering what it was like in general? Like the modules and how big the course is etc?? It sounds so so good but i'm unsure at the moment if i want to apply. Especially since I'm low on money to pay for tuition... :(

hey! ah i am so pleased to hear you’re considering it! i’ll give you a brief rundown of what the course is like below the cut.

In Term One (Sept - Dec), the modules for Creative Writing are: 

A choice between two compulsory modules:

- Fiction 1 - Poetry 1 

And a secondary module unrelated to the first. I chose to do French Cinema, but there are lots of other options to do with art, literature, and other creative subjects. There should be a module guide on the website as I can’t remember them all. 

I am not interested in poetry, so I chose Fiction 1 and French Cinema. 

In Fiction 1 you get: 

- 3 hours of taught lesson, once a week. So a three hour lecture/workshop.- A reading list of relevant novels relating to the theme of the week. It is expected that you read the novel before your class to prepare. - Each week, a different subject will be introduced. For example, in week one you might focus on character, in week two plot, and so on. - Half of the 3 hour lesson is focused on the lecture (your teacher will introduce the subject, maybe do a presentation, and then you’ll discuss the book). - The second half of the 3 hour lesson is dedicated to workshopping. On top of reading the novel to prepare for the lesson, you are expected to have read the pieces people have submitted (online) for the workshop. You take it in turns to submit something - about 3 people go each week. Everyone will read the submitted pieces, and then discuss it in class. People bring up what they liked, what they didn’t like, and hopefully give some constructive criticism. 

I cannot speak for what you will get from your second module in term one as they are all different, except that you will get:

- 3 hours taught lesson, once a week. - A reading list- Probable access to musuems/cinemas/relevant study spaces

At the end of term one, you will be expected to submit a 7,000 word assignment of creative prose. It can be whatever you like. The deadline is early January. On top of this, there will be another assignment due for your second module - obviously this will vary depending on what module you choose. I had to submit a 4,000 word essay on Feminism in the French New Wave (cinema). 

In Term Two (Jan - May), the modules for Creative Writing are:

- Fiction 2/Poetry 2- Paris: The Residency

You do not get to pick a module in your second term, they are both compulsory. (Sidenote: if you picked Poetry 1 in Term One, then you must pick Poetry 2 in Term Two. You cannot do Poetry and then Fiction or vice versa as far as I know.)

In Fiction 2 you get: 

- 3 hours taught class time once a week- A reading list of relevant novels- The same structure is in place as in Fiction 1 with half workshop half lecture, however the teachers will be different and have very different approaches (which is very helpful imo!) I learnt way more in Fiction 2 than Fiction 1 personally, but I’ve had great teachers in my second term. 

In Paris: The Residency you get:

- 3 hours taught class time once a week- A reading list of relevant novels- A homework task each week to do so that the following week it can be workshopped. Examples of these homework tasks are ‘follow a stranger for ten minutes - discreetly - watching their mannerisms, gait, etc. and write about who they might be’, or ‘try and lose yourself in the streets of the city, then spend fifteen minutes just writing all that you see and hear’, etc. - This module is supposed to be about ‘city writing’, so they want you to write about Paris, or wherever else you feel drawn to city-wise. - I will be honest with you, I really disliked this class. However, I personally didn’t like it because I came on this course to work on and complete my novel (which Fiction 1 and 2 allowed me to do by submitting different chunks of it each week for workshopping and for the assignments), and it seemed a waste of time to be writing silly things about the city each week when I could have been more productive by working on the novel. The class isn’t poorly taught, it just had no relevance to me. I also don’t really enjoy ‘city writing’ as it seems bland, but that’s just a personal preference! Not enjoying this module did not (really) detract from the overall experience of the course, so it was fine. 

At the end of Term Two, you are expected to submit one 7,000 word piece of fiction for Fiction Two, and another 7,000 word piece of fiction (city-themed!) for Paris: The Residency. Ngl, this killed me a little bit, because they’re both due on the same day haha, but I did it! And I did very well, so it is possible. 

After this, you start work on your dissertation. For anyone doing (Fiction, not Poetry) Creative Writing, this is a 12,000 word piece of fiction. It can be whatever you want, but you must pick a supervisor to meet with 3 times before the deadline (met with mine today and she was so super lovely i could kiss her) to make sure you’re on the right track. 

Other Things About The Course: 

- It’s based on a campus that doesn’t belong to Kent University, so we only take up a small section of the building. This doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it does limit us as students as we aren’t permitted to use all of the classrooms and study spaces. It’s a beautiful building, but it’s very old, and in the winter it was very cold. Having no place to study (there are some but very few) can be a bit of a problem especially in those cold months. In the summer I just sit in the courtyard and work which is d i v i n e. So that’s easier. 

- It’s pretty small, and pretty far away. So, in Term One, there were maybe 30-35 students across the whole course (not just Creative Writing, I mean everyone from Kent University on the Paris campus). The faculty are lovely, lovely people but there are really only 3 of them actually there full-time (yes, really). I have no complaints about these lovely staff, however it does make one feel a little cut off from the main University at times. Frank (who I can absolutely put you in touch with if you need!) is the person to go to with any issues, and I’ve yet to see him not be able to help someone who needs it whether it’s issues with finance, scheduling, contacting staff or whatever. 

- In Term Two (important!), the amount of students studying in Paris DOUBLES in size. This is because Kent also offers a ‘split-site’ MA course in Creative Writing along with a variety of other subjects. Students that opt of the split-site MA spend Term One in Canterbury at the main Kent campus, and Term Two in Paris. This is a tricky thing to get to grips with, mostly because having a bunch of new people try and insert themselves into your established Paris life is tricky to accept. However, we eventually integrated fine, and only a few minor problems occurred. Also, it is important to note that if you were interested in doing the split-site course, there is funding for it if you apply for a Masters Loan. For the solely Paris-based course, there is no funding aside from scholarships. 

- French courses are provided (two hours a week, and you are divided up by existing skill into three different classes). 

- You receive free access to both the BNF and The American Library in Paris which is very, very important as all study material in regular libraries is obviously in French. These two places have study materials in English, which is fantastic. 

- Accommodation is almost impossibly difficult to find, and Kent will be little to no help I’m not even joking. They’ll give you a vague list of places to try, but rent is so fucking expensive here, and if you don’t speak French you’ve basically had it. I can discuss some options with you that worked for me if you give me a private chat message. 

- Don’t expect to be coddled when you get here. I’m quite an independent person, so I didn’t really mind this, but it is in no way similar to the experience I had as a fresher at undergrad. They give you a headstart, some contact information for a local gym, a local bank, etc, but then you are more or less on your own. That sounds pretty daunting but it’s also incredibly freeing and definitely gives you the chance to bond with all your classmates! I’ve made friends for life here (and found a girlfriend) so I do not think this was a bad thing at all. 

That’s pretty much all I can think of to tell you right now! If you have any more specific questions I’d be happy to answer them, and if you decide to go ahead with it let me know as I can give you some tips on how to set yourself up here. 

I wish you the best love, please don’t hesitate to ask me anything more! 

xxx

[lovemesomesurveys]

[created by: vyvyan86]

Do you or have you ever owned a cup with your name on it? I do.

What's the most expensive crafts tool that you own? The only kinda pricy art related items I have are my sets of Prismacolor colored pencils.

Have you ever woven baskets of any kind (wicker, paper, cardboard etc.)? No.

How do you like Great Balls of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis? I mean, it’s catchy. 

Speaking of Jerry Lee Lewis, have you seen the biopic about him? Nope.

How about the biopic about Tina Turner? No.

Do you like the TV-show Frasier? I never got into it.

What's something you know by heart? A lot of things, but uhh let’s go with song lyric to a lot of songs.

What is something you're greedy about? Hm. Sleep. It’s never enough.

How valuable does a coin have to be for you to bother to pick it up? I might if it’s a quarter. 

What would be something you would wait in line to get for free? I’m really impatient, so it’d have to be something pretty good. Or a short/good spot in line.

Has there ever been a leak anywhere in your house? Yeah, under our dishwasher.

Have you ever slipped in the shower? No, thankfully.

Have you ever made any decorative crafts? If so, are they displayed? I’ve attempted stuff in the past, but no I don’t have anything I’ve done displayed.

Is it very humid where you are right now? No.

What is the most suggestive thing someone has said to you? There’s been a lot of instances like that. 

Do you have friends who you playfully flirt with? Not anymore.

Doesn't the Z in the Bzoink logo look like an L to you, too? I’m not familiar with the logo.

Did you ever take that 5000 question survey that was circulating Tumblr? Yeah, most of it. I’m actually almost done; I should just bite the bullet and finish it already it.

Have you ever had to change a zipper in your favorite article of clothing? I’ve never attempted to.

Do you prefer buttons or zippers in general? Zippers.

Did your grandma have a box full of pretty buttons? Aw, this reminds me of the tin of cookies she had that actually had like sewing supplies and other random stuff inside instead of cookies. The disappointment was very real every time I found one of those cookie-less tins around the house, haha. 

What's the most exotic spice in your spice rack? I don’t think we have any exotic spices.

Do buttons tempt you to press them? Nah. I’d worry about what it was for.

Do you have a favorite television host? I like Ryan Seacrest.

What's your opinion on celebrity chefs? I don’t have much of an opinion about them.

Back when it first started, did you watch ANTM? Yeah, I’ve watched several seasons. I watched the newest ones a few years ago with Rita Ora and then when Tyra came back as well.

Did you know, that there was even a Finnish version of ANTM? I’m not surprised.

Are you accident prone? Kinda.

Have you ever broken something really valuable? Yes.

What do you see as timeless? My favorite songs from various decades.

What is something that you own, that has sentimental value? All my giraffe stuffed animals.

Have you ever had your own website? I’ve made simple ones back in the day that you could make for free. What's something that you finished recently? A bowl of ramen.

What's the smallest town you recall visiting? This random town in California that my grandparents randomly decided to stay at one year when they came to visit. They found an RV park there and I guess the price was reasonable, but the town itself was very small and out in the middle of nowhere. 

What's the longest distance you've had to go to work or school? Every school I attended, including the community college and UC I went to,  was local and close by.

Would you learn a new language, if you didn't share one with your lover? Yeah.

Do you have friends who are constantly tagging you in challenges on FB? No.

When it comes to chocolate, do you prefer nougat, jelly or caramel filling? I’m not a big fan of filling in my chocolate.

Are you more concerned about winning than just participating? No.

Has somebody you know taken their own life? Some former classmates and acquaintances. 

Do you prefer onions, leeks or chives? Chives.

What's the most adult thing you have to do every day? Hm. There isn’t really an “adult thing” that I have to do everyday. 

What's the most immature thing you like to do every day? Uhh. I don’t know. I wouldn’t really describe the things I like to do everyday as “immature.”

Have you seen the movie, Clue? If so, isn't it fab? I think I’ve seen parts of it.

Do your cheeks get flushed easily? Yes.

Are there any social cues you miss entirely? I think I understand social cues pretty well.

When someone doesn't smile back at you, what's your first thought? Maybe they’re just focused on something else and deep in thought. *shrug*

Is there a person who melts your heart just by looking at you? My doggo. 

Have you ever had tom kha kai? I don’t know what that is.

Have you, or anyone you know ever been rude to a server? I haven’t, but yes I’ve known people who have been. I feel so bad when people treat servers, retail workers, etc badly. People can be just be so damn rude.

What's something you're opinionated and very vocal about? I tend to keep a lot to myself and not speak up much about things.  ^When's the last time you had to verbally defend your stance? Hmm.

Have you ever played BitLife? Nope.

What's something you regularly order online? Clothes.

Do you often make friends online? I used to.

Do people ever try to get something from somebody through you? Not generally, but yeah it has happened before.

What do you think when you see a couple holding hands? I don’t really think much about it.

Is there anything you're forced to share with someone else? My living space? I’m perfectly fine with that. I love living with my family.

What's something stripy that you own? My Adidas stuff with their signature 3 stripes.

How about something polka dotted? I don’t think I have anything with polkadots. 

What is something you find absolutely appalling? Abuse.

Do you like elevators? Not especially, but I don’t have a choice since I can’t take the stairs. 

What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say "midnight madness"? Uhhh.

When you're angry, does it ever get physical? Never.

What do you do, when you're immensely happy? What’s that feel like?

What made you scream out loud the last time you screamed? A big ass spider.

Can you hear your neighbors through the wall? Sometimes we can hear the pipes, like when they use the shower.

What is something that frustrates you to no end? Myself and my health issues.

Do you wear shoes indoors? No.

Who is your favorite stand-up comedian? I don’t have one. My aunt has been showing me some videos from her favorite comedian, Brian Regan, though. He’s pretty funny.

What's the weirdest video YouTube has suggested to you? There’s been many.

What's the funniest infomercial you've seen? Those ones that seem so overdramatic and exaggerated.

Is there a drink that just goes right through you? Water.

Is there a food item you can't eat because it doesn't agree with you? Dairy and spicy food.

Do you playfully compete with someone about something? When playing board games or Mario Kart.

Would you rather swim or run? Neither, please.

Do you like the smell of tar? Ew, no.

Have you ever been to a sauna? No, that sounds absolutely awful no thank you.

Does your doorbell ring unexpectedly often? No.

Is your favorite fictional character a human, an animal or something else? My favorite fictional characters are mostly humans, but some are super humans (superheroes), robots, and other types of creatures.

Have you ever helped a stranger? If so, what did you do? Yeah, like giving money.

Do you share hobbies with any of your friends? What do you do together? My family and I have our favorite shows we like to watch together.

Do you have any flags on display? If so, what flag(s)? I have a huge Swedish flag on my wall.

[theintermittentfaster]

Reflecting on School Throughout the Years

I used to love school. When I was younger, I thought that school was the absolute best. I remember second grade strangely well, the projects we did, the friends I had, and the activities I partook in. I remember playing the Big Bad Wolf in our classroom rendition of The Three Piggy Opera. I was too nervous to howl during rehearsals with my classmates, but in the performance I really howled. I remember a project we did on fairy tales, where we wrote our own stories and my teacher, Mrs. Hansen, put them together into little paper books. We all got to decorate the covers with flowers and glitter and whatever else she could find for us. Even though we were all about 8 years old, she acted like the stories we had written were worthy of publication. I remember reading Frog and Toad, and the voices she would use for each character. I remember writing a love letter to the cutest boy in class, Beau Madison, with my best friend Marin. We were too nervous to sign our names so we left it in his cubby anonymously. 

Mrs. Connelly was my third grade teacher and she was my favorite. She sang us songs to help us learn math and on the first day of class she gave each student a brand new notebook to use during our daily Writers Workshop, where we had time to just be creative and write whatever stories we wanted to. I had always loved creative writing, and she taught me how valuable it was. Every Friday we all got Air Heads when we left for the day, and she always saved a Green Apple one for me.

In middle school I transferred to a Catholic school. It was a K-8 school filled with kids who had grown up together and who's parents had grown up together. They all went to church together and lived in the same neighborhoods and had had playdates as babies. There were about 60 people in my grade who had none each other for years, and I knew no one. This is when my love for school began to dwindle. To be fair, no one was really mean to me. But I did not want to be there. I did not want to go to church twice a week, as was required by my school, and I did not want to wear a uniform, and I did not want to leave all of my friends. I pulled it together over the next three years. I made friends, more out of convenience than any real connection, I received an academic scholarship to the private high school that St. Charles filtered into, and I became a part of the school. Today I am still friends with 3 people I went to middle school with, but one of them I never really spoke to until high school. The things I remember most from St. Charles are being chastised for my too-short skirt (a hand-me-down from my older sister who lacked my long legs), getting chastised for taking communion when I was not Catholic (not that I knew any better, I had never been to church before), and my sweet friend Eleanor getting me through, who is still one of my closest friends to this day. 

In high school my love for school had nearly disappeared. When I think back on high school I genuinely cringe. My first two years were spent with my two best friends at the time, also both named Olivia, until the beginning of junior year when they dropped me, spread rumors about me, and bullied me relentlessly out of the blue. My parents were visiting my sister in New York when this happened, so for almost a whole week I called in sick and stayed home. Later on they both tried to apologize but I wasn’t interested. I made new friends, like Sean and Peter who ended up hurting me far worse than either of the Olivia’s did. My senior year I threw huge parties every time my parents were gone (which was often), and with my house filled with loud, drunk, strangers, i felt like people liked me. I did love my math teacher though, Mrs. Schmitt. I had her for my last two years at Bellarmine, and have seen her a few times since graduating. She was so kind to me. I graduated as valedictorian, because throughout all of my years at school I have always been pretty good at it. I wouldn’t even say that I’m all that smart, I just know how to do school really well. People mistake succeeding in school for enjoying it.

Holy Cross took a while to grow on me. I hated it at first. I was incredibly depressed. My roommate was a crazy girl who screamed at me and spit in my face, and I was so homesick being across the country. By my sophomore year, I was started to like school again. I had amazing friends, my classes were interesting, I started dating a boy who was actually nice to me, and I was happy. By senior year I finally felt as though I actually belonged at Holy Cross. And I was really, really happy. unfortunately, this did not last as long as I had hoped.

I am so unhappy doing online school. I hate staring at my computer for hours in the dark at 7:00 a.m. because I am on the west coast. I hate that I get emails every day from my professors just “checking in during these unprecedented and uncertain times,” and that they consider those emails to be the same as them being “accommodating.” I feel like nobody actually cares. I hate that my classes are now more work because online school is “easier,” and that I can’t even bring myself to care about things like forum posts or playlists, because it seems so irrelevant right now. I hate that every project, every assignment, every paper is now connected to the global pandemic that I am already terrified of. I hate that I don’t have any of my books for school because I borrowed them all from the library when I needed them, and now I am in Washington and couldn’t get them in time even if I wanted to buy them for 4 weeks. I hate that I am sitting at home alone every day because my parents both still have to work, and that I live in Washington state where things have been desperate since the day I arrived. I hate that people are dying, and losing their jobs and homes and loved ones, and that Dean Murray sends video messages telling us to remind our parents that “we’re students first!” in case they have the audacity to ask us for help. I am sorry, but also I am angry and I am scared, and I am so, so sad for what is happening to our world right now. Sure, I am disappointed that I am missing my senior spring, but I am more scared than anything else. This is not a normal time, and commenting the same thing in different words on 3 peoples discussion posts or rearranging my space will not help me. 

I really used to love school. But I really hate it during a global pandemic. 

[jimins-crooked-tooth]

Apartment 504 — Chapter 2

Summary:

Mark eyed the glass in Jackson’s hand and hesitated.  He didn’t know this man. The only time he’d ever talked to him was once when Jackson was intoxicated past the point of coherence, and once after both had returned home at the same time. This man was so loud, so sporadic, so unpredictable, and so unlike anyone Mark would ever want to be around.

But still, after a timid look into Jackson’s hopeful brown eyes, Mark met Jackson’s glass midway, the clink of glass and a shared smile between the two kicking off the start of the night.

More Chapters

[Chapter 1]  [Chapter 2]  [Chapter 3]  [Chapter 4]

Also read on Archive Of Our Own:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11292225/chapters/25263081

hello! so, i actually changed the name of this story to Apartment 504 because Room 504 reminded me too much of a hotel room so sorry for any confusion! pls don’t beat me up i’m a pacifist and will definitely not win ok ok enjoy 

“Mark, get the fuck up.  It’s past noon.” Mark grunted tiredly, pulling the comforter over his head and curling his knees up to his chest.  He felt a dip form on his bed as Jinyoung sat down, tugging gently at Mark’s blanket in an attempt to pry it off.  “You said we would go shopping today. I need to get some books and a couple other things before the school year starts.  You too.” Mark grunted again, but narrowly complied, running a hand through his hair and stretching out his sore limbs.

“Give me twenty minutes,” he grumbled, and proceed to kick Jinyoung off his bed (literally). Jinyoung scowled and rubbed at his side (the site of impact) but ultimately left Mark to his own devices to get ready for the day.

Mark’s morning routine was a little thrown off due to the setup of the new apartment—he had to remember where he placed everything from the day before when he was unpacking his boxes.  He walked out of his bedroom, blue toothbrush wedged between his pink lips as his eyes skimmed over the nearly empty pantry for something to eat on their way out. His shoulders slumped when he found nothing convenient and he huffed through his nose, turning to walk back into his bedroom.  He stopped when he heard a soft knock at the front door.  Mark turned to face Jinyoung who was sitting on the sofa in front of the television, reading a book he’d bought only a couple days ago. Jinyoung shrugged, his expression saying, Don’t ask me, I’m not expecting anyone.  Mark gestured to the door and then to his shirtless body, his eyes saying, I can’t get it right now. You get it. Jinyoung settled back into the couch with his book, blatantly ignoring Mark’s pleas to open the door so he wouldn’t have to.

Mark groaned in annoyance as he hurried to the sink to spit out his toothpaste before opening the door.  He wasn’t sure who or what he was expecting, considering neither him nor his roommate were expecting any visitors, but what he definitely wasn’t expecting was to see no one at all.  He glimpsed down either side of the hallway and still saw no one.  As he was about to close the door, he noticed something at his feet. A six pack of beer sat alone in front of the doorway, a small letter taped to the top of one of the bottles.  Mark knelt down to eye the package, picking up the piece of paper in the process and proceeding to open it.

 Mark,

I wanted to apologize for last night. I’m not sure what all I said or did, but hopefully it wasn’t as bad as I’m imagining it to be. Accept this gift as a token of my appreciation for your help and also as an apology.

Your neighbor,

Jackson x

 Mark blinked a couple times, rereading the letter in his hand at least twice before glancing first at the beer and then to his neighbors’ closed door.  He considered knocking on their door and explaining to Jackson that it really was no problem and that this really was not necessary, but then Mark remembered that he hated confrontation, so he opted for a quick shrug, grabbing the bottles, and shutting the door with his foot.

“Who was it?” Jinyoung asked curiously, eyeing the six-pack of alcohol in Mark’s hand.

“One of the neighbors,” Mark replied, opening the fridge, and squeezing the case on the top shelf. “I guess he felt bad about last night, so he left some beer at our door.”

Jinyoung sat up on the couch, putting his book face down on the table.  “Oh yeah. What was that all about?  One second you were getting ready for bed and the next you were sitting next to some stranger puking his guts out in our bathroom.”

Mark sighed and rubbed his temples.  “He knocked on our door last night, thinking it was his, and when I told him it wasn’t, he went off to look for his own, and then he puked in the hallway outside, and basically he was just a downright mess and would probably have wound up hurt or dead if I didn’t help him.”

“Wow, Mark. Look at you being an outstanding citizen,” Jinyoung teased.

Mark rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he mumbled and headed back to his room before Jinyoung could say any more.

…

“We need food,” Mark announced, adjusting the bags in his right hand, so he could scroll through his phone with the other.  “I made a list in the car of what all we need.”

“Okay, we can stop by the store on our way home,” Jinyoung promised, turning to Mark.  “Did you eat anything yet today?” Mark shook his head and read the time at the top of his phone screen before sliding the phone back into his pocket. 3:24. Jinyoung paused mid-step, catching Mark’s arm with his free hand and spinning him so the two were face to face. “Mark! What the hell? It’s late afternoon and you haven’t eaten anything?” Mark raised his hands defensively, eyes wide. Jinyoung sighed, letting go of his arm and taking a step forward.  “Come on, let’s get something to eat,” he replied gruffly, his motherly nature kicking in at his friend’s confession.

Mark’s limbs still ached from moving such heavy boxes and furniture the day before, but walking around and shopping with Jinyoung helped distract him from the soreness while also preventing his extremities from becoming too stiff.

He and Jinyoung had spent the day picking up textbooks and excess school supplies for their classes that started in under a month.  They knew if they didn’t buy what they needed now stores would run out of supplies by time they looked for it then. Luckily, each boy had managed to find most of the things they had gone out for, each doting their fair share of bags on their arms as they walked around the outdoor shopping plaza. The pair approached a Smoothie King that had just opened a couple weeks ago and Mark stopped.

“I’m actually not too hungry right now. I was earlier, but the feeling has passed. Why don’t we just grab smoothies for a snack instead?  I can eat when we get home from the grocery store.” Jinyoung hesitated initially, his eyes meeting Mark’s, but Mark assured him that he was fine, and that he would eat when they got home, and that Jinyoung didn’t have to worry about him because he was taking good care of himself now, and also, Jinyoungie, you looooove smoothies, I know you do.  I’ll even treat you.

And so, with a long sigh and a dismissive wave of his hand, Jinyoung nodded. “Fine,” he breathed, and Mark smiled, tugging on Jinyoung’s arm and pulling the two of them into the smoothie chain.  The line was long and Mark feared that Jinyoung would be bothered by the long wait, but he actually didn’t seem to mind. The two roommates chatted in line about their upcoming schoolyear—their classes, professors, which buildings their classes would be in, etcetera. Jinyoung eagerly told Mark about all of the books he and his classmates would be reading this year, according to the class syllabi online.

Jinyoung was a literature major who was also minoring in creative writing.  Although Jinyoung exceled in both areas, Mark had never been much of a recreational reader or writer, and therefore posed a little judgmental towards his roommate and his chosen major.

Mark was a philosophy major, minoring in psychology.  Both subjects suited him well.  All his life, Mark had been a thinker, an absorber of the world around him. He frequently asked himself questions about life, nature, and the world’s existence. It was never guaranteed that he would ever find answers to his questions, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try his damn hardest.

A part of Mark also loved the human brain; he enjoyed learning about its many different functions, how things worked inside the head, how those things made people act in different ways, and why those people did certain things. Mark just liked… understanding things. He liked finding answers to questions.

Mark snapped out of the trance he didn’t realize he was in when the cashier called out, “Next!” Jinyoung stepped aside and gestured for Mark to go first. Mark scooted forward, placing his fingertips on the ceramic countertop as he looked up momentarily to meet the eyes of the man behind the counter—brown eyes… dark brown eyes… familiar dark brown eyes. Mark swallowed hard as he took in the sight of the man before him—blonde hair, rosy lips, absolutely breathtaking brown eyes; it was Jackson.

“What can I get for you?” he asked, eyes wide in attention.

Oh god. It’s him. This is so awkward. Does he recognize me from last night? If he recognizes me, why isn’t he saying anything? Mark’s thoughts ran circles around his head and he felt his throat dry as he stood there, eyes trained on the blonde’s face. Jinyoung kicked the back of his thigh, startling him, and Mark’s head swiveled, eyes narrowing at his friend.

“You’re the one who wanted smoothies, so order,” Jinyoung nudged.

Mark turned back around, hand on the back of his neck out of nervousness, and avoiding Jackson’s gaze by looking at the menu on the wall behind him. Mark cleared his throat. “Okay, um… c-could I get a… medium pineapple surf?”

Jackson nodded and plugged his order into the computer, eyes falling to Jinyoung next. Jinyoung recited his order, and then the two moved off to the side to wait for their smoothies to be made.

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung asked quietly, leaning into Mark’s side. “You looked nervous up there.”

“That’s Jackson,” Mark said, eyes unmoving from the blonde man in the process of making their smoothies.  He looked different in this setting compared to last night’s.  His hair and clothes were more put together now as opposed to his drunk, disheveled appearance at the apartment.  Despite his drunken state the previous night, Jackson looked surprisingly well rested today, like his hangover was either non-existent or he was damn good at hiding it.

Jinyoung’s eyes narrowed. “Who the hell is Jackson?”

“Jackson, our neighbor,” Mark explained.  He watched as Jackson mixed one of their smoothies in the blender, his high-pitched laugh resonating around the room as he and a coworker joked around.  “He was the one who came to our apartment drunk last night.”

Jinyoung nodded in understanding. “Wow. I didn’t recognize him, not without his face shoved in a toilet,” he mused and Mark rolled his eyes. “But what’s wrong with seeing him here? It doesn’t look like he even remembers you.”

Mark’s gaze remained trained on Jackson, his strong hands topping off the two cups with lids. His mind drifted back to the brief conversation between the two of them last night.

“You’re cute,” Jackson said.

“Oh, um, what?”

“I said I think you’re cute.” Jackson repeated.

“One pineapple surf and one angel food cake,” Jackson called out, holding a smoothie in each hand. Mark reluctantly stepped up to the register, eyes cast down as he handed over his card, Jackson quickly swiping it through the computer and handing it back to him with a soft smile.

“Have a great day,” he said, and Mark nodded.  He spun around on his heels and grabbed his roommate by the arm, pulling the two of them out the double doors.  Jinyoung scowled and sent Mark dirty looks, but didn’t press the issue as they walked back to their car.

In case Mark hadn’t said it enough already, he really hated confrontation.

…

Jackson turned off his car and pulled the keys out of the ignition, grabbing his jacket and Smoothie King hat before hopping out of his car.  His eyes drooped in exhaustion and he stretched his stiff muscles from a long day of work. In retrospect, he wished he hadn’t drank so much the night before (not just because he stumbled up to his new neighbors’ apartment in a drunken haze, but also because his hangover was a right bitch today).  The welcome home party that his friends threw for him was a total rager—loud music, lots of people, and tons of alcohol. Usually, Jackson knew his limit, knew when enough was enough, and when too much was too much, but after having not seen his friends and roommates for practically the whole summer, he really just wanted to have fun, even if that meant getting completely fucked up.

He woke up this morning to a pillow being tossed at his face.

“Get up,” Jaebum ordered.  “You have work in two hours. Go clean yourself up.” Jackson grudgingly threw his arm over his face, squinting one eye to look at his roommate who was sitting grouchily on the table beside his bed.

“If I have to work in two hours…” Jackson paused, coughing to clear the scratchiness out of his throat.  He blinked a few times, feeling the pressure of what would soon be an intense headache forming in his temples, and started again.  “If I have to work in two hours, why are you waking me up now?” he asked.

“Because you need time to clean yourself up before going in. You smell like you bathed in alcohol last night.” Jackson chuckled under his breath and Jaebum shoved his shoulder. “It’s not funny, you were an absolute royal pain in the ass last night. Do you even remember what happened?”

Jackson hummed sleepily and grinned.  “I remember having a hell of a good time.”

Jaebum scoffed and stood up to walk towards the bedroom door. “Yeah, you did.  But you also stumbled up to the new neighbors’ apartment and passed out drunk on their bathroom floor.”

Jackson sat up to look at Jaebum, but immediately regretted his decision when he felt all the blood in his body rush to his head.  He leaned back slightly and massaged his forehead to relieve the building pressure.  “Wait. Back up.  What?”

Jaebum sighed and inhaled a deep breath before starting. “You passed out in our neighbors’ apartment when you were trying to come home after the party last night.  One of them took care of you until I got there to pick you up. You owe him… big time.”

Jackson rubbed his eyes and fell back into his pillows. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he said. “Seriously.  I didn’t know it was that bad.  Thank you for coming to get me.”

“I should have left you there,” Jaebum grumbled and opened the door to leave.

“Aw, Jaebummie, you don’t mean that,” Jackson smiled, sending his friend his most irresistible puppy dog face.  “You still love me, right?”

“Whatever,” Jaebum muttered and exited the room, closing the door behind him.  Jackson was just beginning to get up when Jaebum entered the room again.  “By the way, his name is Mark,” he added.

“What?” Jackson replied.

“The guy who helped you last night. His name is Mark.”

Jackson yawned as he locked his car, waiting for the beep to sound before making his way inside the apartment building. He entered the lobby and headed in the direction of the elevators.  As he rounded the corner, he noticed one of the elevator doors closing.

“Hey, hold that please!” he shouted, sprinting towards the door.  An arm protruded from inside the elevator to prevent the door from closing and Jackson slipped inside as it slid open again. He took a moment to catch his breath as the doors began closing again. “Thank you,” he said, reaching over to press the button for the fifth floor, but realizing it was already lit up.

He turned and smiled to the person on his right and tilted his head when he recognized the face. “Hey! I’ve seen you. You came into Smoothie King today. Pineapple surf, yeah?” The brunette avoided eye contact, and he wondered if maybe he was wrong and he wasn’t the person he had seen today.

“Uh, yeah. That was me,” he said, a forced smile making its way onto his lips as he adjusted the Shake Shack carryout bag in his hands.

“Cool!” Jackson said in an attempt to break the ice.  “What apartment do you live in?  It looks like we both live on the same floor.”

But before he could answer, the elevator dinged and came to a stop. Both men looked up to the screen above the double doors that currently displayed the number five. Jackson stepped out of the elevator behind the man and the two turned left down the long hallway. He felt a bit like a stalker as he followed the man down the hallway to get to their respective apartments. Jackson watched as the man stopped at the door next to his own.

“Oh, you’re one of the new neighbors!” Jackson smiled, leaning his shoulder into the apartment door. The man fiddled with his keys and nodded his head. “What’s your name?” he continued in the hopes that he could start getting to know his new neighbor.  “I’m Jackson.  I live here with my two roommates.”

“I know,” the man said quietly, nervously scratching the back of his neck and turning to face Jackson. “We had a brief encounter last night.  I’m Mark.”

Oh?

Oh.

Jackson gulped. How had he forgotten about that already? I mean sure, it was late at night and he felt like he had been awake for a solid 72 hours straight, but still.

Jackson’s eyes fell to the floor. “Yeah, um, about that…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Mark assured him.  “It’s not a big deal.  You just looked like you could use some help last night so…”

“Did you get my peace offering today?” Jackson inquired. Mark nodded and a twinge of relief washed over him.  “I still feel horrible about it all.  My roommate filled me in on everything this morning.  Is there anything else I can do to make it up to you?” Mark shook his head and Jackson fought off a smile.  “You don’t talk much do you?”

Mark blushed and lightly shrugged his shoulders.  “No, not really. I’m not much of a people-person,” he said and switched his weight from one foot to the other, a nervous tick, Jackson thought.

“Hm, well maybe things will change with me as your neighbor,” Jackson beamed and Mark chuckled a bit under his breath.

“Maybe,” he replied and reached for his door.

“Wait.” Jackson extended a hand in Mark’s direction to stop him.  “Did I do anything last night?” Mark squinted his eyes in confusion and Jackson searched for more words. “Like, did I say anything to you or do anything to you last that made you, I don’t know, like, uncomfortable?  You seem… uncomfortable around me.”

“Um, no, not that I can remember,” he said, his teeth pulling lightly at his lip.

“Something tells me you’re lying,” Jackson pushed.  His eyes widened as a thought came to mind.  “I didn’t kiss your or anything, did I?”

“No!” Mark assured him waving his hands in front of him for emphasis.  “No, definitely not.  You just… never mind.”

“No, tell me!” Jackson pleaded, his stomach turning at the thought of him doing/saying something unforgivable to someone he had never met.  “What did I do?  Whatever it is, I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

“I-it’s nothing bad,” Mark said, cheeks flushing a light pink.  “You just… you told me I was cute,” he said quickly. “It’s all I think about when I see you now, that’s all.” Jackson closed his eyes and breathed sigh of relief. This…this he could work with.

“I’m sorry,” Jackson said, a small grin tugging at the corner of his lip.  “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. But if it means anything, I know I meant it, even in my drunken state.”  Jackson thought it impossible for Mark’s face to grow any redder, so he decided to cut things short for the sake of his dignity.  “Anyway, it was nice meeting you, Mark.  I hope to see you around.” He offered a gentle smile to his new neighbor and swiftly entered his apartment, thinking to himself, how did I get this lucky to have such an adorable next-door neighbor?

i’m actually the biggest fucking dweeb in the history of ever so please don’t be afraid to follow me or message me or ask me things. i love meeting and getting to know new people! comment your thoughts and i’ll blow u a kiss <3

[steamishot]

End of August

My work out routine and relationship kinda both took hits this past week as I’m PMSing. I’ve been feeling more fatigued and therefore haven’t been in the mood to work out (as I read my old post it sounds like I was so enthusiastic). Instead of using dumbbells, I recently did more cardio and did dance workouts which are actually quite fun. It forces me to move my body quickly and tests my range of motions.

Work has been dead, I feel less productive and bored. I like the work that I do, I just don’t like the confinement of office job. I listened to a podcast about bullshit jobs recently- jobs that if the employee suddenly disappears the next day, there wouldn’t be a difference. Apparently a lot of office workers and corporate lawyers feel this way. Our system has grown to be more extensive and complicated, to create unnecessary jobs for our population and to make seemingly easy tasks harder to reach so there could be a middleman (new job). I feel like my job is only important during some seasons of the year. Also discussed in the podcast is how there’s uncertainty in employees to be open about the amount of free time to colleagues and superiors. I don’t talk about what I actually do (or don’t do) at work to most people, just my close work friends. There’s also that struggle of needing to “look busy” without actually dedicating time to what you would actually be doing if no one was around. More exciting things at work to look forward to are: tomorrow’s meeting about resident union agreement, and program coordinators retreat.

A stranger messaged me yesterday on LinkedIn because she saw that I completed a UX/UI course at UCLA and she wanted to get my opinions on it. I stalked her profile and saw that she graduated college a year after I did, and has been in a similar Admin Assistant path while dabbling in other fields. And similar to me, she reached out to a few people and researched as much as she could to see if the class would be worth it and prepare her for a career change. I told her simply, you get what you put into it. During the time my course ended was the time I was learning a lot of new things at work. I ended up choosing HR. Now that It’s slowing down, I’m getting back to UX/UI and coding. I looked at some of my classmates’ LinkedIn profiles to see where they’re at. I think 2 or 3 have good UX/UI related jobs now. The other ones who I thought were more skilled, are still doing freelance. So then I thought, it’s the ones who are good looking and are confident who get ahead, and the whole “fake it til you make it” is real. After being in slow paced office jobs for most of my working career, I definitely feel like I don’t belong with real professionals. I realize that the less productive I feel at work, the less competent, intelligent and skilled I also feel. At this point, I’m almost scared of productivity and contribution in a career because of how different it is.

This led me to listen to an ABG podcast about imposter syndrome, both in professional and personal lives. The hosts are three yuppie Asian American females in high/high-ish paying jobs. One of them is actually in UX/UI as well. They noted that at least 75% of people experience this, and it’s more common or felt more heavily in females. I think Asians who also grow up with the notion of never being enough or always having to improve are also prone to this. They also tied imposter syndrome to dating life, as one of the girls mentioned she questioned why this well sought after guy back in college wanted to date her. She also spoke about struggles of not being as gorgeous as other girls so she makes up for it by doing well in her career and in personality and hanging out with other smart and attractive women. One new term I learned was cheerleader effect/group attractiveness effect, meaning if you are in a group of attractive girls, you’re most likely regarded as attractive too (until they single you out and see that you’re actually not as hot LOL).

I’ve also been listening to hey bitch podcast by the girls from the JK family. They’re more crude and funnier and talk about things without filters- which reminds me of how the ladies at my workplace can be. It’s nice because I feel like I have a funny and empowering group of female friends to accompany me on my drive home to work/home. Their perspectives are also drastically different as they come from various backgrounds, so I enjoy that as well- instead of listening to just other Asian girls talk lol.

So, I’m okay at HTML and CSS for the most part. I recently started watching ilovecoding videos by this guy named Aziz. So far he’s been really great at explaining concepts and the bigger picture of how to even begin/which field to concentrate on. He emphasized that JS can be applied to multiple fields to I thought I should start there. I bought a JS book to learn on my own, which will be arriving today. I bought an iMac that will also be arriving today, since I don’t like coding on my 13 inch laptop.

It took a weekend and a fight on each day (Fri-Sun) to get here, but Matt and I finally booked our flights for our November trip. We decided on London (4 nights) and Amsterdam (2 nights). Again, that combination of me PMSing and him being stressed out is not good. However, he’s becoming more and more stressed out than he was as he has a test this week and a bigger all day test next week for which he hasn’t really studied for. He became really moody and “bipolar” at times. He took his stress out on me when things didn’t go his way. We both felt that we do more for the relationship than the other. He talked about it in relative terms because the amount of effort he puts in given his schedule/lack of time and energy is tenfold. However, he admits that in absolute terms, I probably do more. We also take each other for granted in ways we don’t really know about. He tends to initiate more (calls, facetime), drive the conversation more, introduce crazy, future-oriented ideas like moving in together and overseas traveling. I think if a car symbolized our relationship, he handles the wheel, and I keep the engine going. On Friday night after our talk, he didn’t text me to tell me goodnight which he always does (via phone or text). I realized then that these little things (keeping me up to date when he gets off work, going home, going to sleep, etc) are thought and care on his part that I take for granted.

I also realized that he doesn’t talk to anybody the way he talks to me. He only texts his friends back at home sometimes, and only talks to family about practical things. He doesn’t hang out with anyone outside of the hospital. Literally. So I think at least 60-70% of his socializing (outside of professional interaction) is with me. I think it’s reached a point of concern because he doesn’t really have a way to destress with other humans (or by himself) and I have to end up eating his stress. And it can’t be all on me, as I can’t offer that much over the phone either. We’re here to navigate residency together. He’s currently 2 months in. His dad said simply “don’t worry, you’ll get adjusted in 6 months”. Even with residency application related things, he asks me for help. For example, headshots and requesting letters of recommendations. I can look online for advice and try my best to help, but I’m also thinking like “you’re asking the wrong person”. Luckily, I email with a lot of residents/doctors at my job so I have an idea of what they’re like. Too easily, I would be like, “why don’t you ask your co-resident/doctor friends?”, to which he says “oh yeah” but doesn’t actually do I think because he respects their time and thinks asking them for help will be a nuisance (which may be true).

September will be a busy month for fun. Upcoming events include:

-          Mammoth Lakes/Yosemite

-          Hearst Castle family trip

-          Cambodia town film festival

-          Paint night at a friend’s place

-          New York

-          Alive & Running 5k

-          Jimmy O’Yang stand up comedy show

[comebeforegod]

Mobile Phone Overuse, Why? How to Stop Being Addicted to Your Phone

By Yang Yang

One day, I read a popular saying online that went something like this, “The farthest distance in the world isn’t the other side of the world, it’s sitting next to you while you play with your phone.” No matter if you’re on the subway, on the bus, in a restaurant, or on the streets … at any time of the day, you can always find a certain group of people, phubbers. They have a phone, tablet, or some other gadget in their hand as they watch videos, play games, or look at their friend feed, and their members are primarily young people.

As technology has developed, the internet has made our lives much more convenient. People can buy what they want without leaving the house, or they can contact different people without going out. But what is brought about by the convenience of the internet? Let’s take a look at the relevant reports.

Ms. Yue likes to go online. When online shopping emerged as a widespread phenomenon, she spent a lot of time shopping online, often until 1–2 in the morning, sometimes even until 6 in the morning, and when she went to work the next day, she fell asleep at her desk. After chatting software came out, she often chatted into the middle of the night, and even when she was exhausted, her hands were still not idle. Gradually her memory declined significantly, she suffered from a bad neck, and had dark circles under her eyes. Her husband was very dissatisfied with her over this, saying that she had forgotten her aims in life over a toy.

Mr. Wang’s nephew is 14 years old, and he used to be very obedient, but ever since he became obsessed with going online on his mobile phone, it is always in his hand, whether he’s eating or sleeping, the degree of myopia in his eyes has been rising, and he has become absolutely silent. To buy equipment in the game he loves, he used his dad’s credit card twice to charge 10,000 yuan. When his father discovered it, the boy stubbornly refused to admit it.

According to a psychological counseling survey conducted by Capital Normal University, 77% of people have their mobile phones turned on for more than 12 hours a day; 33.55% have them turned on 24 hours a day; 65% say “I feel some anxiety when my mobile phone isn’t next to me,” and more than 90% can’t live without their phones. The first thing phubbers do when they wake up every day is to look at their mobile phones, and they need to check their mobile phones before they go to bed. They spend their days refreshing Weibo, watching their friend feed, and playing online games.

These phubbers are completely immersed in their individual online world. They experience all the sensations the internet brings them as if no one else was there, as if all the people, matters, and things around them no longer exist. Slowly, they lose direction in their lives, and the distance between them and other people grows. They focus solely on phubbing, looking only at their mobile phones while ignoring the people around them, and erecting a thick barrier to prevent exchange between themselves and others. In the long run, although they seem to interact frequently and intensely with their friends on the internet, their relationships with people in real life become ever more narrow and closed off, and their ability to socialize withers, which becomes an obstacle to communication. For example, some children are sluggish when they arrive at school, and have nothing to say to their classmates, but when they turn on their mobile phones, their eyes brighten and their minds become sharp. They have absolutely no interest in learning or their futures, and only care about gaming. Or, some couples typically only care about their work, and only play games or chat online when they have free time. As time goes on, husband and wife no longer share a common language, and they live as strangers under the same roof. Not only that, it also leads to frequent danger. Many people hold mobile phones and tablets while walking, making major accidents due to looking at their phones a common occurrence. For example, one young girl was walking along the street and only looking at her phone, and as a result, she stepped into a hole and got her leg trapped in a well. Helpless, she had to ask the police for help, and a metal saw was required to remove the sewer cover and free her. A young mother stepped into an elevator while looking at her phone instead of her 2-year-old daughter, who fell into the elevator shaft and died. Another young woman was walking along a lake shore while playing with her phone and then fell into the lake…. We can see that phubbing is no ordinary social problem, it’s one that impacts and threatens people’s lives and work, and it’s one that shouldn’t be underestimated. But, the question we should reflect on is that even though many people have already seen, heard, and experienced the hidden dangers of being a phubber, why are they still so obsessed? Why do people choose to be a phubber without a moment of hesitation? If things keep going like this, what will be the consequences?

Just at the moment when I was overcome by this problem, I accepted the work of God. In God’s words, I finally found the answer. God says: “We only wish to talk about the ideas that social trends bring about for people, the way they cause people to conduct themselves in the world, the life goals and outlook that they bring about in people. These are very important; they can control and influence man’s state of mind. One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. So what are these trends? You cannot see these trends with the naked eye. When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist.”

“Do these social trends have a big influence on people? (Yes.) So do these social trends have a deeply harmful effect on people? (Yes.) A very deeply harmful effect on people. Satan uses one of these social trends after another to corrupt man’s what? (Conscience, reason, humanity, morals.) What else? (Man’s view on life.) Do they cause a gradual degeneration in people? (Yes.) Satan uses these social trends to lure people one step at a time into a nest of devils, so that people caught up in social trends unknowingly advocate money and material desires, as well as advocate wickedness and violence. Once these things have entered man’s heart, what then does man become? Man becomes the devil Satan! This is because of what psychological leaning in the heart of man? What does man advocate? Man begins to like wickedness and violence. They do not like beauty or goodness, much less peace. People are not willing to live the simple life of normal humanity, but instead wish to enjoy high status and great wealth, to revel in the pleasures of the flesh, sparing no effort to satisfy their own flesh, with no restrictions, no bonds to hold them back, in other words doing whatever they desire. So when man has become immersed in these kinds of trends, can the knowledge that you have learned help you get free? Can the traditional culture and superstitions you know help you cast off this dire predicament? Can the traditional morals and traditional ceremony that man comprehends help them exercise restraint? Take the Three Character Classic, for example. Can it help people pull their feet out of the quicksand of[a] these trends? (No, it cannot.) In this way, man becomes more and more evil, arrogant, condescending, selfish, and malicious. There is no longer any affection between people, no longer any love between family members, no longer any understanding between relatives and friends.”

“Satan corrupts man at all times and at all places. Satan makes it impossible for man to defend against this corruption and makes man helpless to it. Satan makes you accept its thoughts, its viewpoints and the evil things that come from it in situations where you are unwitting and when you have no recognition of what’s happening to you. People fully accept these things and take no exception to them. They cherish and hold these things like a treasure, they let these things manipulate them and toy with them, and this is how Satan’s corruption of man becomes deeper and deeper.”

“‘Deception and paralysis’ is that Satan makes up some sweet-sounding statements and ideas that are in concert with people’s conceptions to make it seem as though it is taking people’s flesh into consideration or thinking about their lives and futures, when actually it is just to fool you. It then paralyzes you so that you do not know what is right and what is wrong, so that you are unwittingly tricked and thereby come under its control.” God’s words completely reveal the root cause of how phubbers came into being. This is nothing but a means and method for Satan to deceive and paralyze people! Satan’s mischief is behind the obstinacy of phubbers. Satan often uses social trends to confuse, bind, and numb people, and induce them into debauchery and degeneracy. These evil things occupy people’s minds and trap them deeply and inextricably, such as online games, which we think of as a fashion, but with which we can become obsessed to the point that we lose self-control, both old and young, men and women. Online love destroys many originally happy, stable families. Countless housewives are addicted to online shopping. They immediately fall in love with what they see and buy it, which in turn greatly stimulates people’s extravagant desires, making us unable to stop until we possess things. Our thoughts, morality, insight, and reason are seriously damaged by all these things. The Internet Age given rise to by Satan has become a trend. The whole world has been enveloped by Satan’s evil trends, and we all accept, grasp, and use these things of Satan as positive things. Once we begin following worldly trends and the evil airs of Satan, our lives are naturally impacted. These things have inundated everyone’s hearts, from unacceptance at the start to taking it for granted today, and now our hearts have completely acquiesced. Especially those born in the 80’s, 90’s, and 00’s are hooked on the internet as if it was opium. These things are already firmly in control of our thoughts, and they make it impossible for us to extricate ourselves. The Satan’s deception and temptations are the real reason that phubbers are produced and spread. This kind of evil trend is unquestionably a poison by which we are slowly killing ourselves. One step at a time, it leads us to the abyss and to death.

Only God is concerned for and loves mankind, and without God’s protection and care, we can never escape being toyed with and harmed by Satan, and finally being swallowed up against our will by tide after tide of evil. Just as God’s word says, “I am mankind’s only salvation. I am mankind’s only hope and, even more, I am He on whom the existence of all mankind rests. Without Me, mankind will immediately come to a complete standstill. Without Me, mankind will suffer catastrophe and be trodden down by all manner of ghosts, even though no one takes heed of Me.” Mankind was created by God, and God gives mankind sunshine, air, food, and all the other things that mankind needs to survive. At the same time, God has been working among people, speaking to provide for people, saving people, and teaching people how to live, how to behave, how to worship God, and many other aspects of the truth in the hope that we can accept everything from God, so that we mankind can dwell and live normally on the earth, live out a true human likeness, and live out lives blessed by God. God says: “I urge the people of all nations, countries, and even industries to listen to the voice of God, to behold the work of God, to pay attention to the fate of mankind, thus making God the most holy, the most honorable, the highest, and the only object of worship among mankind, and allowing the whole of mankind to live under the blessing of God, just as the descendants of Abraham lived under the promise of Jehovah, and just as Adam and Eve, who were originally made by God, lived in the Garden of Eden.” God cares for us mankind, who He personally created, and is concerned about us mankind trampled upon by Satan. He hopes that the lost can become aware of their confusion and return, and come before Him and accept His salvation as soon as possible.