#SORRY the most interesting parts were the ones continuing directly where season two left off

[tolltale]

watched the bear season three and i'm like i'm sorry but this season could've been an email

[descendantofthesparrow]

Interlude - Rewrite - POYW- Harry Hook x reader - Part 1 - New beginnings

=

*felt like doing an episode entrance to this so deal with it*

-a shot of the isle pans across the screen with Descendants™ background music playing, before turning and panning across the ocean towards Auradon. It cuts to the dorms and fades into Evie and Mal's room, where Evie is shifting through a tall stack of papers.-

Evie turned her face towards her door as it suddenly opened and Mal stepped in “hey E, still at it?” Mal dropped her (Ben’s) letterman jacket on her bed and sat across from Evie, leaning over in the chair to take a look at the papers Evie was working on.

“yep” Evie let out a small sigh, giving Mal a small smile before looking back at the papers “I still can't believe Ben had to go through all of this just to get us six over, half of it is guardian responsibility shit”

Mal quirked her brow at that and reached out towards Evie, doing the ‘gimme’ motion. Evie handed her six sheets of paper, the front one reading;

'Application of guardianship

Child; Jay - parent; Jafar

Guardian applicant - Aladdin’

the rest of the paper was just info and numbers, all of which Mal didn’t bother to read. she set the paper down and continued to read.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Gil - parent; Gaston

Guardian applicant - Eugene Fitzherbert’

Evie took Jay's paper and set it down beside her, taking Gil’s as Mal set it down a moment later.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Evie - parent; Evil Queen aka. Queen Grimhilde

Guardian applicant - Ella Charming’

“who’s Ella?” Mal asked aloud, setting the paper on top of Evie's new pile and looking back at the last three.

“Cinderella” Evie answered lightly, grabbing her pen and crossing out a couple of lines on her paper “that’s why she was on our side during family day, I guess she already knew who we were”

“and here I thought it was because she knew what we went through” Mal snorted, drawing her thumb against her name on the paper.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Mal - parent; Maleficent

Guardian applicant - Megara’

Mal quirked her brow again, turning the papers towards Evie and pointing at the guardian’s name “who’s Megara?”

Evie took a quick glance and shrugged “no clue” Mal shrugged back and set the paper on the pile.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Carlos De’vil - parent; Cruella De’vil

Guardian applicant - Anita Radcliffe’

Mal let out a small hum at that, so the person who Carlos’ mother had hurt, had decided to be the guardian of Carlos?...cool, she knew that there were heroes that didn’t judge them for their parent's decisions but it was nice to know that some of those who had been directly affected held no bad blood against them.

'Application of guardianship

Child; Harry Hook  - parent; James Hook

Guardian applicant - Wendy Darling’

“huh” Mal snorted, setting the last paper on the pile, which Evie grabbed and straightened it and set it on her other side with the other read-through papers “Wendy Darling is Harry's guardian” Evie smiled at that.

“aw, cute…” then she snorted “I’m sorry the image of Harry wearing a baby blue sleep dress with a big pink bow on his head just came to mind” Mal covered her mouth and her forehead hit the desk as her body shook with laughter “I’m sorry” Evie giggled, leaning back in her chair and covering her eyes. “ahhh It won't leave~!”

“noooo Evie that’s going to be stuck in my head for like a month how dare you!” Mal screeched, lifting her head and reaching out to gently smack at Evie “I need bleach E, bleach!”

Evie pushed her hands away and shook her head “I’d rather you not go blind M” Mal just pouted and sunk back in her chair “also, I do need to get back to work so?” Mal sat up and gestured to the papers, picking up the pile Evie had set aside and starting to read, wanting to be involved in the program.

The room was silent other than the occasional shift of papers and scratch of a pen. Then mal popped her head back up to look at Evie, who glanced up at Mal and quirked her brow.

“oh, I heard you got appointed captain of the science league!” Mal grinned as Evie's entire face brightened, her eyes sparkling.

“yeah! I don’t even know how it happened, but Doug told me about this little contest with chemistry and I joined and I guess the winner got to be captain? But yes! And there's a championship after school starts up again!” Mal hummed with interest, leaning on her hand and listening intently as Evie went into her usual rambles.

“so it basically like that math league thing Carlos did for like two months, they ask us questions and stuff like that, and there's a physical part to it as well, the captain and three others on the team compete with the other team with an unknown challenge to create a certain chemical or other, last year they were challenged to make a chemical reaction, and our team won with making foam volcanos with beakers, all different colors, they had to make the chemicals used and everything from scratch with the bases they were given”

“that’s dope” Mal responded simply, not knowing what to say but wanting to keep Evie engaged.

“I know right!” Evie giggled, clapping her hands together slightly “we actually did the same experiment a bit before summer break started, we also launched soda bottles into the sky!”

Mal grinned at that “and yes I will show you how to do it, though I’m keeping the mentos away from you” Mal shook her head slightly, setting down the papers in her left hand and stretching.

“gah~” she glanced out the window, groaning at how dark it was already getting “wow how long have we been at this?” Evie pushed in her rambling and looked outside, gasping as she saw what Mal was talking about. It wasn’t pitch black, but the sun was beginning to set.

“holy shit how long have we been at this?” she pulled out her phone and bit her lip “it’s already dinner time!” Mal shoot up at that and grabbed her (Ben’s) jacket and slid it on, walking over to the door while looking back at Evie.

“come on! (y/n) said it was spaghetti night with garlic-ow!” the door opened in Mal's face, smacking her in the nose and making her stumble back.

“Mal!” Doug winched, swiftly closing the door and reaching out to the whining half-fae “shoot I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were behind the door!”

“knock next time” Mal muttered from behind her hands, her eyes screwed as pain thumped from her nose.

“I will I will- I’m so sorry” Doug stressed, pulling back slightly as Mal waved him off.

“forgiven, it was an accident.” Mal pulled her hand off her nose and wiggled it, looking towards Evie and Doug with raised brows “well?”

“no blood” Evie chirped, quickly organizing the papers and grabbing  her bag, slinging it over her shoulder and grabbing onto Mal's hand to pull her out of the room “come on, I’m starving~”

“that’s what I came to get you for” Doug spoke up, stepping up next to Evie as the three of them made their way to the cafeteria “I noticed the two of you weren’t there yet and I didn’t want you to miss dinner”

“thank you, Doug,” Evie cooed, Mal leaned forward a bit to smile at Doug

“what she said” Doug smiled back and nodded.

“no problem” it was a quick walk to the cafeteria, and when they entered Mal immediately separated from Evie and got in line, bouncing on her heels as the smell of garlic bread hit her.

Evie walked over to the table that was occupied by the vks and set her bag in-between Jay and Gil. “hi~” she sang, before spinning around and joining Mal in the line.

You looked up from your food for a moment, eyeing Evie's bag for a moment for no other reason than knowing she always had peppermint puffs in them before going back to eating.

The table was mostly silent other than Gil and Jay talking about their next season of tourney, Carlos typing away on his laptop, and Harry's foot tapping on the floor.

A few moments later Mal and Evie joined the five of you at the table, Evie taking her bag off the seat and taking its place, while Mal plopped next to Carlos and immediately starting slurping up her spaghetti “those etiquette lessons really didn't do much huh Mal~” Evie teased, laughing as Mal glared at her and knocked her wrists together twice.

“I should have never introduced you to friends” you laughed, setting down your fork and grabbing your drink, deciding to change the subject as Evie and Mal started to throw fake ‘fuck you’ signs “before you and Evie start fake flipping each other off, how was your first day of therapy Mal?”

Mal paused for a moment, pursing her lips “it was….therapy? I don’t know how to answer that?”

You shrugged in response “well, did it feel awkward? Did the therapist push you too much? Or was it just kinda…okay?” Mal looked at you for a moment before looking at her hands in thought.

“it…the most we did today was just getting to know each other, something about me being comfortable was the entire point of the therapy thing, and that I should only tell her things if I feel like it, that I should never feel forced to tell her things” you smiled at that, reaching over to squeeze her shoulder gently.

“then it was a great first session, now just remember it's twice a week, okay?” Mal snorted, gently slapping off your hand.

“yeah yeah, ever since cotillion E’s been helping me make a schedule so my brain doesn’t break again from trying to remember every single thing” Evie nodded in confirmation and tossed a meatball in her mouth.

“Nice, speaking of Evie, how's the going through the shit ton of papers?” you asked with a teasing smile, laughing as Evie kicked at your leg with a pout.

“Exhausting” Evie sighed, slumping into her hand and pushing around her food slightly “I've only gotten through half of it and that was all guardian stuff!” the rest of the vks raised their brows at that.

“Guardian?” Carlos asked, closing his laptop slightly “what do you mean guardian”

You took the chance to explain since Evie might’ve not known the exact reason why the vks had guardians “It was one of the demands of the council; because you guys are underage, you needed a legal adult to claim you just in case something happened, and since your parents are on the isle and can't come off, Ben asked some adults in Auradon to be your guardians. essentially if any of you land in the hospital and need to be signed out by a legal guardian, they’ll come to do that”

The vks nodded slowly, then turned to Evie “Sooo who are they?” Gil asked, biting down on a garlic cheese biscuit.

Evie shrugged slightly “Um, well mine’s Cinderella” the others gave her a look “I know, I don’t think Chad knows, um, Mal’s is a woman named Megara” Mal butt in for a moment.

“Have no clue who that is by the way” you laughed at that, Mal turning to you with curious eyes.

“I know, Megara is Hercules wife, like, daughter-in-law of Zeus and all that” Mals jaw dropped a bit as she nodded.

“Oh…alrighty then…oh wait! The one that had a deal with Hades n stuff?!” you nodded at that.

“The same” Gil perked up and asked you who was his guardian “um, Eugene Fitzherbert, Harry’s is Wendy Darling” Harry did a small spit take at that “Yeah that’s why she was nice on family day love” you chuckled, patting his pat as he coughed out his apple juice. “um, Carlos your guardian is Anita Radcliffe, and yes the one that your mom stole the puppies from” Carlos looked at you with utterly confused eyes “I know sounds weird, anyway, Jay's guardian is Aladdin” Jay's food dropped back on his plate as he stared at you “Yeah something about ‘knowing what you had gone through’ and all that…I just realized we're going to have to go through all of that guardian shit again” you groaned slightly, rubbing your face in frustration, you had spent several late nights with Ben just going through the, though scarce, application paperwork for the vks.

The council had made it hell to get the first six vks over to Auradon, Ben only being able to pull through it thanks to it being his first proclamation. But now since it was turning into more of a program than a proclamation, the council would probably make it hard again.

“Why?” Gil asked, frowning as you let out a frustrated puff of air.

“Well as I said, for you six to come, you had to have guardians, and we were damn lucky to find six adults who didn’t hold a grudge against yall for your parents, and…wait how old is Harriet?” you suddenly sat up straight as the realization came to you.

“um,” Harry tapped the table as he mentally counted “she a little younger than the isle…she was born in September so…18 righ’ now” you grinned “wha’?”

“She's a legal adult” it took a moment for the rest of the table to realize what you were talking about but it hit them a moment later.

“Harriet can be a guardian!” Evie sang happily, clapping her hands together in excitement “Oh, wait!” she stopped, pursing her lips slightly “Um, I hadn’t gotten to that part of the papers yet, how many kids to a guardian?”

“Two at most, if they aren’t biologically related to you, Harriet is automatically CJ and Harry's guardian when she comes, so then technically Harry you’ll have two, so possibly we can have Harriet sign up to be the twin's guardian…how old is Sammy?” Harry furrowed his brows in thought then snapped his fingers.

“In two months, he’s turning 18” you hummed as you tapped your finger against your chin.

“I don’t want to wait that long unless we have to, I guess for Sammy and Dizzy we’ll just have to find some more people willing to be guardians or see if any of yours are willing to be responsible for another kid.”

A flash of pink caught your eye as the table delved into “New vks” talk and you looked up to see Audrey walking into the food line, her posture stiff. You shared a look with Ben, who was at a table with his friends, and stood, dragging your hand across Harry's back as you did, and walked over to the girl.

“Audrey?” she jumped slightly, her honey-brown eyes widening as she realized it was you “Hi, when did you get back from the cottage?” she shrugged slightly, stepping forward in line as it moved.

“A couple hours ago, I stayed a bit longer after Chad helped fix my tire at the request of my godmothers” she gave you a small, though strained, smile “um, how you been?” you shrugged, nodding back towards the vks.

“Eh, we’ve been going over the thousands of papers to start on the next round of vks, I’m tired as fuck but ill deal with it” Audrey let out a soft laugh and the two of you walked a bit as the food line moved again.

“Grammie talked about that…” you could sense the frustration behind her words, meaning her grandmother had gone off about your attempts about more vks the entire time and Audrey didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“Sorry about that, um, did you hear Ben and Mal broke up?” Audrey just shrugged.

“yeah, my Grammy went insane over it, something about me having a clear chance with Ben again but I did my best to ignore her ya know?” you grinned at that, it seemed you had broken through some of her grandmothers hold on her, and were slowly removing the idea that she was responsible in being the sole provider of status In her family “cause I remembered what you said when Ben originally broke up with me, and I was kinda mentally like ‘well it’s not my job and I don’t care?’ and I realized as I was there….I don’t…think about Ben that way anymore” Audrey gave you a small smile, glancing back towards Ben as she did “instead of those butterflies I always got when I think of him... it's just….normal, like when I was a kid and dating wasn’t even a thing in my head…its…nice” her smile grew a bit “oh um,” she pointed at the line, which the two of you were almost at the trays

You smiled and patted her shoulder “no problem, I’m glad you doing good Audrey, it would have been nice to see you at cotillion, but I understand if that would have been hard” she nodded and grabbed a tray, waving you off as you walked back to the vks table and sat back down next to Harry.

“When did Audrey get back?” Mal asked, finishing off her garlic bread and glancing between you and Audrey.

“a couple hours ago” you responded simply, stabbing your last two meatballs and stuffing them in your mouth.

“oh” Mal looked between you and Audrey before going back to her food “okay, I just haven’t seen her all day then”

“for a second there I thought you were going to go fight or something” you joked, smiling a bit as Mal shook her head adamantly.

“heck no, why would I go out of my way to antagonize her?...well I mean I probably would have a couple months ago but…that would be just weird and…how would you say it? Out of character?” Carlos snorted at that “what?”

“Nothing I was just remembering how you went blonde and pastel for several months and that wasn’t ‘out of character’ for you?” Carlos used hand quotes as he spoke, laughing as Mal reached over the table to smack at him.

“Ney! I was having an identity crisis! I’m allowed to do out-of-character shit like that!”

“Switching the topic again” Jay interrupted, laughing slightly as Mal and Carlos continued to smack at each other “how's the search for Uma going?” Harry and Gil perked up at that. Mal stopped smacking Carlos and let out a low groan. “No luck?”

“not a tentacle in sight” she leaned on her palm “Then again I haven’t really been on the search party as of late, something about my school and everything else being more important”

“Do you think we’ll find her?” Evie asked, furrowing her brows as Mal shrugged “Well we have to soon, won't we? I mean she's a danger to Auradon” Evie squeaked a bit as she caught Harry and Gil's glare, your hand gently pushing on Harry's arm to prevent any…messes “Why are you two looking at me like that?”

“You called their friend a dangerous person, I think they are allowed to be a little pissed” you hummed, turning to Harry and giving him a look. He huffed and pouted down at the last of his dinner.

“But she spelled Ben? And she tried to get FGs wand to take control of Auradon!” Evie pushed, flinching back a bit as you looked at her with unamused eyes.

“Hypocrite much?” Carlos laughed a bit through his nose at your snark, looking down at his laptop as Evie, Mal, and Jay looked at you slightly confused “Oh come on you three, you can't have forgotten what you did only 7 months ago? You also spelled Ben, you also tried to get the want to control Auradon. You’re the kettle calling the pot black, Uma may have gone around the entire thing differently but all in all, she had the exact same plan as you six did.”

Mal, Evie, and Jay looked at each other uncomfortably before they looked at Carlos, who just rose his brow as if he was saying ‘you really gonna act like you’re better than her? Really? “She's right you know” Carlos hummed, looking back at his summer project “Uma is hardly different to us when we first came here, if the roles were reversed, I’m sure she would say the same about us”

Mal pouted for a moment before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath “I…suppose so” she grumbled, crossing her arms, Carlos just looked at her.

“Mal, you two have been at each other's throats since you were 10, most of it was you going after her, and her retaliating. I think it's time you let it go” Mal opened her mouth to argue but Harry glared at her, making her snap her mouth shut.

“I know yeh are tryin ta be better yeh imp, but tryin’ ta demonize Uma fer something yeh started is not helping yeh in meh books” Harry snarled, he and Mal having a glare off as tension raised at the table.

“Okay okay, that’s enough” you gently pushed Harrys face away from Mal and snapped your fingers in front of her face, making her blink wildly in surprise “I don’t want a bloodbath in the cafeteria please, anyway, Mal if I remember correctly, you did start the whole rivalry debacle, and I know why you did the whole stupid ‘shrimpy’ thing. It was just because your mother was an idiot and you need to leave that shit behind, if you continue to see Uma as a villain, that’s all she’ll ever be, it’s the same with you six, if the people of Auradon saw you as villains that’s what you would have become, and don’t try to tell me otherwise because I know exactly what went down on family day.”

The vks cringed at the mention of the horrid day. “I know, but you six were having doubts about your plans and then family day came along, so in turn, you decided to go through with everything. It’s the same with Uma, if you push her towards the label of Villain, she’ll accept it and rain hell on you and Auradon. So, you need to let your dumb rival shit go and see Uma as she really is, a troubled teen who has only had her mother's guidance on life and has been taught evil her entire life. Guess who that sounds like?” Mal sighed, crossing her arms and pouting at the table “hmm?”

“me” Mal finally admitted, closing her eyes “it sounds exactly like me”

“and me” Evie muttered, scratching her cheek as her eyes watered slightly at the memories of her mother surfaced.

“I’m sorry if that brought up bad memories but you three, mostly Mal and Evie, Jay you’ve been quiet but I could tell you were agreeing with everything” Jay winced at that “were acting like you are better than Uma when you’re not, she's just in the spot you all were in before and just after you came to Auradon.”

The vks were silent for a moment, the only sound being the usual noise of the cafeteria and Carlos typing away on his laptop. “and any new groups of VK’s we bring over may have the same mindset you six had when you originally came, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get a chance, showing them kindness and that the path that their parents showed them is not the only way to live is our best bet to safely getting more kids off while not accidentally destroying Auradon in the process, but as far as I know, Uma is a big symbol to the kids, just as you six were, if you accept her, the other kids will be more willing to come, and less willing to follow their parent's orders. But first, you need to get over your shit with her”

Harry and Gil smiled at you, as the other four stared at you for a moment before Mal sighed and nodded “she’s right…as much as I don’t want to hear it, you’re right…fine, I’ll see if or when we find Uma, she is not booted back to the isle…I’m pretty sure Ben wasn't planning on doing that in the first place, he’s pretty adamant in giving her a chance”

Suddenly Ben's smiling face appeared behind Evie, looking at the seven at you “I heard my name?”

“We were talking about Uma and the vks” you said quickly, saving the others from attempting to cover up the conversation, even though they didn’t have to (it was a habit they had a hard time getting rid of)

“ah,” Ben hummed, glancing at his watch “yeah, that’s a…whole thing right there that we don’t have time to get into right now but!” he clapped his hands and looked from you to Evie “after you two are finished, if you could come to my office with the list? I want to get started on the new group as soon as possible and I need names and parents.”

You both nodded and watched as Ben smiled back and walked out of the cafeteria and back to his office to do his kingly duties. “I just realized the council might also prove some trouble in getting more kids off” you sighed, leaning into your hand again. The vks gave you a confused look “well you all know they have been why it’s been several months since you guys came and there have been no more vks. then Harry and I kept trying to get meetings with Ben to talk about the vks, but almost every time he either had a council meeting or”

you gestured to Mal, who winced “had a date with Mal, which I’m still pissed at him for doing that, but anyway” you waved off the mention of Bens agitating routine “even though it was stupid, they kept giving the argument that you six were a rarity in the whole of vks, and that we would risk the destruction of Auradon every time we took a group of vks off, and they kept voting to postpone the continuation of Bens vk transfer program. And they might keep doing with and succeed; and I hate saying this, thanks to Uma’s rampage at Cotillion.”

Evie grit her teeth slightly in anger, there were so many innocent kids on the isle that never deserved to be there and deserved a chance at a real-life, it wasn’t fair that the old geezers of the council would doom so many of them just because of one “bad” egg

You finished off your drink and slammed the cup onto your tray, standing with it and nodding towards the door “well I’m done, and I want to get this started and finished quickly” you leaned down and kissed Harry’s cheek as Evie nodded, quickly eating the last of her garlic bread and handing you her tray as you reached for it and went to go stash them away.

“bye, guys!” Evie called, the two of you running out of the cafeteria and towards her room to grab all the needed paperwork and the list.

-

“and if possible, I want to start on getting fresh food and other basic necessities shipped to the island” you finished, Ben immediately nodded at your request, writing it off on his notepad and underlining it.

 “Sometimes I still can't believe my father let rotten food and garbage be their source of well…everything” Ben sighed, leaning back in his chair and holding his head.

“yeah…” you took a moment for Ben to process what was going through his mind before continuing “Because If we’re not able to get any kids off sooner than later, I want them to have a bit better of a living situation during the waiting period” Ben nodded again, sitting straight again and grabbing some of the papers Evie had revised and gone over.

“We might have to sneak around the council for some of this stuff, we all know that most of them hold a grudge against the vks for some reason, one of them being Audrey’s grandmother, and we all know what she's like” you and Evie shared a grimace.

“yeah…wait hold the phone” you waved your hands around, stopping the two from their work “Ben the council couldn’t vote on stopping the original transfer program, right? Since it was your first proclamation?” Ben nodded, leaning back a bit as a sharp grin bloomed on your face and you slammed your hands on the desk “This technically still counts as your first proclamation, they have no say on if you can or cannot bring more vks over! All we have to do is follow the steps you did last time and just…bring ‘em over! We might have some problems after that but fuck ‘em!” Ben stared at you for a moment, trying to realize what you were saying before it hit him.

“They can't vote on my first proclamation! They can only put rules on it! And since we closed ruling on it before you guys came” he pointed to Evie “they can't add any more rules! It's perfect!” “Let the bullshitting commence~!!!” you cackled. Lifting your hands in the air and spinning around “and if they try to send ‘em back because we went behind their backs, we can pull the fucking family card on ‘em!” Ben and Evie looked at you confused

 “Harriet and CJ?! If they try to send them back for whatever shit reason you can just go” your voice drifted into a false light tone as you mocked Ben “ ‘oh, are you really going to send back these kids and separate a family?’ and just have Harry do that doe eye thing he does scarily well and BOOM! Six new vks here to stay~”

Evie stared at you while Ben did a mini celebration dance “(y/n) I now understand why Harry and Gil tell us not to piss you off, you are scary” you grinned at that and bowed.

“Thank you~ I do take pride in terrifying those who don’t understand my brilliance~”

Ben laughed a bit, turning back to his desk and pulling out the guardian applications “so what are we going to do about the guardians? (y/n) you mentioned something about Harriet being CJ’s guardian automatically so we wouldn’t need one for CJ?” you nodded, sitting back down in one of Bens cushy chairs.

“yeah, dunno if it’ll fully work out though so we should still pick out a guardian for her. And if it's possible, that Harriet could also be the twin's guardian, if I’m remembering correctly since Harriet is CJ’s biological guardian which in turn makes her CJ’s legal guardian, she could technically sign up to have two more kids under her name” Ben hummed slightly, shuffling through a stack of papers.

“i’mmm not sure, I think it’s possible, but what do we do about Dizzy and Sammy? They are both underage, aren’t they? And Harriet can’t be their guardian either” 

you sighed, leaning back in your chair and rubbing your head “We can ask if any of the current guardians would be okay with being responsible for another vk, but I don’t know if they will go for it”

Ben glanced up at the clock and groaned “it's already almost curfew guys, I say we leave this for now and come back with fresh minds, it'll be easier to think when we're not dead tired”

“agreed” you and Evie chuckled, grabbing your things and waving Ben goodnight, walking back to your dorms.

“This is going to be a whole thing, isn’t it?” Ben sighed, shifting through the new vk applications, and Evie's two pound list, setting Harriet and CJs on top of Harry's file “but It’ll be worth it in the end”

-end of part 1-

part 1 yall~! we did it~!!!! i think to give myself some time to write the parts, ill be posting once a week, possibly on Saturdays (as to not post at the same time as @disneyfan50​ because they post on Fridays with their amazing true defender fic and i don't want to possibly take away any of the stage from them that they so deserve because their writing is incredible and i’ll stop lol-) but yeah, Mini-series, here it is!!! i hope i’m doing good on the core fours characterization, and Mal’s, they are all still learning (while Carlos is a bit ahead of them because I've always seen him as the most emotionally mature) and unlearning stuff from the isle and Mal is learning to see that Uma and she arent really that different and Mal needs to stop being a hypocrite over things that Uma did that Mal did 6 months before her. :/

anyway Permtaglist!

@queer-cosette​ @sephiralorange​

@lunanight2012​ @daughter-of-the-stars11​

@musicarose​ @imtryingthisout​

@remembered-license​ @random-thoughts-003​

@verboetoperee​ @thecaptainsgingersnap​ 

@jatp-rules-my-life​ @rintheemolion​

[ruby-whistler]

@justalads hi, hello! made a new post because didn't want to clog up everything with a suuper long string of reblogs, so i hope you don't mind!

also, i'm sorry to ask you this, but i have trouble focusing - in your next reply, would you maybe mind cutting up the big paragraphs into smaller ones? i'm nd and it's extremely difficult to concentrate at long strings of text like that, which is why i usually cut up everything i say into chunks :]

(actually had to have my friend cut up your last reply because he's a v fast reader, shoutout ani lmao)

anyways, let's continue the debate i say because there's a lot to still talk about in my opinion as well

/dsmp /rp, and of course all /lh

as for the whole was manipulated / wasn't manipulated thing, there's pretty much a divide amongst most people i know whether or not to call it that - but since that word's been misused a lot in this fandom, here is the instance most people are referring to, for you to judge for yourself, in this very (in my opinion) well-written analysis!

since i myself am very confused about the subject but i think it'd be better for you to read that first, i'll just move past that for now i think.

i attached a lot more resources this time because i remembered that a lot of people who agree with me on these things are smarter than me so, sorry for the links you'll have to click through this time but i think it could help me articulate what i actually want to say better.

i don't think i entirely get your point about it "making sense for him to progress like this". i don't know what you mean by 'make sense'. it comes off as 'he was always going to become this way because of the kind of person he was in the beginning' which, i don't agree with in general? because no, you don't just become a bad person, and especially with c!dream i find that this ignores a lot of the things that he went through.

also, i wouldn't say everyone had equal hand in what happened. "a product of his environment" means everything sort of mixed together; the way the world works; a cycle of violence, eye for an eye, and no therapy or communication.

dream's spiral isn't a result of any one character's actions. c!wilbur started the whole big wars and animosity thing, but that's only about 50% of what i'd call "the environment". there's also a lot of personal mistakes and miscommunication mixed in.

so no, i'm not saying it was entirely "other characters"' fault, what i mean is more that they contributed by you know, treating him as the incarnation of all evil, breaking his personal boundaries, overall just no one treating him like they should a person (this is overall their attitude over multiple seasons), etc..

and also another thing i meant to say was that he didn't deserve the abandonment. no one deserves to lose half their friends once (l'manberg when they turned against him for literally no good reason in his eyes), and then watch the ones who were the last remaining and the closest ones he had, leave him one by one because of an image of himself he had no control over, which was started by one and then perpetuated until he became a literal hate magnet. people did hurt c!dream, and he didn't deserve that.

all i'm saying is that i see where he is coming from, and that his spiral wasn't a result of powerhungriness, or cruelty, or any other personal flaw, but it was literally someone who cared about people too much getting driven too far by the circumstances he was put into.

and i think that is my overall statement for now.

you said i was "brushing it off as george being a drama queen" for the whole dethronement scene. i read what you said about it, and i'd like to ask you to once again watch the actual stream.

george literally tried to steal the l'mantree and got assassinated by techno beforehand. i don't see why he would be in any way in the wrong for dream taking away his kingship, and i don't think it is reminiscent of a power dynamic or dream having "higher authority".

dream thinking george can't handle himself is completely justified considering what he did and how he didn't even attempt to stay neutral. he was supposed to be a diplomatic figure who would make sure the dream smp doesn't get into wars, that was the point of pretending to be a monarchy (because the dsmp really just isn't, it's anarchy with a diplomatic representative and an army general).

here's a thread which besides other things mentions things dream did for the two of them, and besides fighting with him in one (george) or two (sapnap) wars they really weren't "loyal to him for a long while" compared to the amount of times he sacrificed things for them.

"have an equal say in things" doesn't apply when one of the three is trying to keep peace and the other two instigate conflict left and right. like i'm sorry but i don't see why dream would owe them a say in the faction he's trying to protect.

dream doesn't think of them as lower. that actually just sounds like guilt-tripping your friend to let you take care of a pet you've poisoned before and he had to rush to the hospital. peace is fragile and these two weren't responsible enough to be given the power to break it.

to say "george didn't want" it was an overstatement. he literally did nothing as a king and he had no control in the first place (because the dream smp doesn't have a government in the first place).

the whole thing about him being sad was for show because c!george is a manipulative prick who takes advantage of his friends for fun. and i don't mean this in a bad way, he's not a bad person for it, he's actually a really fun character more than anything, and he doesn't hurt anyone on purpose - but he's a jerk! he's done it before and now he's doing it again, and he continues to do it (dreamxdcoughcough-)

so no dream was. absolutely not in the wrong here, it wasn't even supposed to be public, george just made a big deal out of it.

the last thread i mentioned also talks about the whole "spirit speech" thing and, answer me a question - would you consider it justified for all of tommy's friends (even tubbo who he's been close with for so long) to abandon him just because he's said basically the same thing about the discs - like three times?

that's just the double standards though. phil and techno are still being hated on for "abandoning" a kid they barely know - and meanwhile dream's been given up on by everyone he's ever cared about before being given a chance, but people try to find ways it's his fault, like it matters.

it doesn't matter, because abandonment hurts you, no matter if the people have good reasons for it or not, and in this case they didn't. the point i'm making is this character has been hurt and has been actively hurting and it's been ignored for bias' sake.

i'm not saying they're bad people for it, or responsible for his actions. some of them are bad people independently (/hj). but they still affected him.

“if respect is the only thing protecting you from a knife in the back, then respect is nothing, right?” yeah? i don't see the point in this either. interesting to point out that dream learned this the hard way with you know, no one having respect for him as a person and only being able to fight for what he cares about via 'an axe and a shield'.

and no, dream didn't have an arising god complex. he was becoming more desperate for control because of his circumstances over the course of s2, but the god complex only happened in the prison because he had all control of everything (who he gets to talk to, what and when he gets to eat) taken away for months before being shown a smidge of power again. that's just a natural reaction to very messed up circumstances that had no buildup other than that.

the no-remorse thing - he could be remorseful and we wouldn't know. that's not even speculation, that's just saying that pretending to know whether or not he regrets things is a weak argument because we have no evidence for or against; we don't see his pov. that he doesn't show it doesn't say anything, it's a vital part of his character that he doesn't show what he's thinking.

"friends support each other" yes, and none of c!dream's "friends" ever did. it's a contrast with how much support for example tommy, tubbo, or wilbur got. not saying they weren't all abandoned as well, but no one has been alone to the point c!dream was or completely emotionally isolated for so long. his experience in this way is unique, and hence it's formed him in a way it hasn't anyone else.

dream didn't hurt george. he did create a place in the vault for his fish (that would be mars, not beckerson though), and he did do bad things to other people. he had reasons to be upset at someone who he didn't expect to do bad things doing them. it doesn't justify the things he said. it's a lot of explanation vs. justification when it comes to this server, and this is an example of this.

it wasn't a reaction to him being directly hurt by him, which is what you had implied (if i remember correctly) in the last post, and it wasn't right of him to do. also i agree he wasn't betraying him with what he said in prison, he'd done that a long time ago anyways.

"puffy does not dismiss people’s trauma just because they are adults, or if she does i haven’t seen strong evidence of it." jack, nikki and in a way the eggpire. dream is not far behind, but not the main example.

"you point out that she’s a guardian figure but from what i remember that lasted for a couple streams and after that wasn’t really mentioned in canon. if she really saw him like that, then maybe she would have checked up on him earlier and maybe would have told him off."

i'm pretty sure it was canonized by cc!puffy saying c!puffy isn't his biological mom, but that she sees herself as his guardian figure. so yes, she really saw him like that, and yeah, she "would've" checked up on him earlier; or rather "should've", but she didn't, and that's precisely what i'm talking about. that's not how you treat someone you allegedly see as being a guardian of. not saying c!puffy's a bad person, but she's another one c!dream was attached to and who failed to ever reach out to him before deeming him deserving of what he's (was, because admittedly it's gotten worse since) going through.

"she said at one point that he didn’t deserve to see her but she still cared about him."

this is what i mean when i say she has a moral superiority problem. like she's doing something extra by being a decent person. i know this might come across as cynical, and i swear i don't hate the character, but that sentence is very hypocritical, you must admit.

"she did try."

nope! she said she was going to try. that's the problem. i'm not talking about intentions here in the slightest, i'm talking about the actual consequences and effect it had on him as a character and why it's just very sad in my opinion that none of the people he thought were close to him stood by his side or even attempted to help him.

the entire original post was very clearly stated as not blaming most of these characters for acting in the way they did. it was "critical" of a lot of them in a way, but i never said anything negative about them other than describing things they did that had a negative effect.

i stand by that, because i truly believe they did all those things, and them having good intentions or personal feelings doesn't change that. it contextualizes them, but doesn't take away from the harm.

saying "it's not her fault" about puffy for example or that "it was just a reaction" is excusing those things, which is what i disagree with.

here is a thread as to why people like puffy or sapnap saying certain things is understandable but still very messed up, please read since it details parts of what i've said here in an arguably better way.

you also phrased the whole "she didn't abandon him either" part like he was the one who cut the ties which is not true. she wasn't there for him, is the point. another person he cared about who didn't prove to care about him enough to stop him from spiralling or try help at all.

if "they don't owe him anything" is your base argument against someone being hurt via being left by people they care about over and over again until they're utterly alone with no support system and unhealthy mindsets, we might have to agree to disagree :) /nm

please clarify if that wasn't the intention, because it sounds like it.

"i think that how people feel about it depends a lot on when they started watching, and who they were watching. the thing you have to take into consideration is that at the start of l’manburg, a lot of the roleplay was not very serious. the sides were messier than they are today. that doesn’t work or make sense for people who want to see it as only one thing, and are fixed in their ways so much that they’ll ignore canon to prove their point."

i've been watching since august and yeah, i agree. i've always seen c!dream as in the right at that point, so it's definitely different for the people who haven't seen that happen.

"you seem to have a very fixed view of wilbur: that he only wanted power, that he enjoyed tearing people apart, that he lied all the time, and that he was attempting to paint dream as something he wasn’t."

to be fair, you seem to have a very fixated view of wilbur too. i do think he wanted power, but also just to revolt for the sake of it - i don't think he straight up enjoyed it but it was a means to his ends, i don't think he lied all the time but he lied much more than people realize, and i don't think he just attempted, i dare to say he was extremely successful.

"you also see him as conscious of what he was doing the entire time, and sort of treating the war like a game."

i'd say a story or narrative is a much more fitting metaphor. also yeah he's so much smarter than people give him credit for, but i guess covering it up was intentional as well, because manipulation ain't meant to be obvious at first sight now is it? like for example c!dream, that man was awful at it. he's just. so bad. unironically. he did cause a lot of harm, not diminishing that, but man. his manipulation is the clumsiest thing i've ever seen, people calling him a puppeteer is such an overstatement, it's really funny to me.

now c!wilbur? he was really good at it. that's what i mean by "you need more than intelligence", because emotions are stronger than critical thinking and can be exploited easier. all the sentimentality around l'manberg is a great example.

"wilbur didn’t go around trying to recruit people by saying “dream is bad”." yeah no he started by straight up lying to fundy when they first met (if you rewatch the hot dog van video, there's really no denying that), then he lied some more to tubbo while praising him every time he followed his orders, i don't completely remember eret's recruitment, and tommy looked up to him since the beginning, and it's very easy to see that c!wil took advantage of that.

he did tell people they needed to revolt against tyranny though, that's precisely what he did and how he got them to side with him in the war. by tyranny he meant everyone in the server who wasn't european, picking dream as the scapegoat since he had the most power (not by establishing it in any way, but simply by being skilled) and it was smart to do that, not gonna lie!

"weak businessman" is just not true. he was planning to "use the tommyinnits of the world" aka, the "young and naive" (his words, not mine) ones whom he could "mold", in order to establish a capitalist empire based on stealing from people while lying to them about saving them from being sick.

this man was planning to take power from the start and he was going to use lies to get what he needed. from the beginning i have no reason to believe why he would change his goals when he proceeded to do that very thing and achieve it, just put "revolution" instead of "business" as a guise of what he was actually doing.

"you quoted revivedbur’s stream as proof it was, which is funny because despite saying wilbur is someone who lies you missed a kind of big one." yeah, as someone who mentioned people ignoring canon earlier you missed kind of a big one.

the only reason people disbelieve this is not because it doesn't align with canon, but because they assume he's lying for the sole reason that it doesn't align with the way they see canon.

the reason i believe it is not because i believe a word c!wilbur says (i never have and never will), but because it aligns with what actual evidence has been saying from the start, as well as the way cc!wilbur talks about the character. it's simply further confirmation of what many people already knew; an extension even, if you will.

people tend to take things characters say at face value and then use it as their only evidence; "if you want to hear why l’manburg was created, you have to listen to wilbur when he created it."

what they actually ignore is you know, the actions, not the words. according to his actions and all known laws of logic, he was lying since the beginning, and that is the point. and it makes sense for him to lie, unlike in alivebur's case.

"i say he cared about l’manburg because it drove him to death."

yeah he did care! cc!wilbur said so! he also said he cared about it in a twisted way and that he had an unhealthy view of possessions. he thought l'manberg his and no one else's, a weapon of power for him to use however he pleases.

unlike dream who destroyed himself bit by bit trying to take back what he cares about, because it was not power, but people - wilbur saw no more worth in it and destroyed it instead. his own death and spiral was a collateral, because that isn't a healthy mindset either.

interesting foils, actually, i didn't notice that before.

"the whole time wilbur was attempting to portray a character who was a chronic liar and manipulator, and it was all planned out from the start. purely because of the chaos of season one i don’t think this is possible."

i reckon you're underestimating cc!wilbur here. that man could play a convincing, complex, morally messed up character while roleplaying with kindergarteners.

"and, you know, if he’s saying “dream is not our enemy” that hardly sounds like forcing a narrative onto him?" i mean i don't think i need to give evidence as to wilbur calling him a tyrant right after. i was just talking about how hypocritical and downright ridiculous his later accusations are, which you didn't address.

"because what he’s saying is that dream’s actions are tyrannical, his rule is tyrannical, not him." no actually, he said right after; 'big words, that's what we use in war', about calling him that, so i don't reckon that is the case. he was calling him that for the sake of it, and later on everyone ended up believing him about that despite there being no evidence. i must admit, the man's very good at what he does. he constantly changes the narrative to whatever benefits him and somehow gets away unnoticed. that was my point.

dream didn't tell sapnap it was a bad idea because it wasn't...? wilbur was going around stealing from people while lying to them. wil was framing himself to be the victim. like the whole "drugs" bit was funny but wilbur was only making drugs to estabilish, once again, a capitalistic empire he would be in charge of, on dream's land, and he was also doing it via dishonest means.

the intentions never changed, it was simply the way it was achieved that did, which switched from just lying to straight up propaganda when people managed to stop him at first.

so yes, wilbur's definition of tyranny very much was being stopped from stealing.

so yeah, even if dream would've done the same to them, he a hundred percent would be in the right, but he didn't even do that much, which makes wil's accusations all the more ridiculous.

just because sapnap was fighting against being stolen from - and others being stolen from - doesn't make him tyrannical or a government. your teacher in school isn't a government just because she has authority of some kind?

"wilbur’s problem was that sapnap could do that and get away with it." well then that's his problem, because people should be able to get away with protecting themselves and others from people trying to rob everyone on the server of a specific item and then gain power from selling rare supplies.

also it was sapnap and tubbo, they both did the same thing, and wilbur didn't seem to have that much of a problem with tubbo, now did he? he accepted him right after he gave them supplies, then rejected sapnap when he did the same. the people he was accusing of being tyrannical were very selective, and he seemed to be also selectively choosing whoever he was "protecting" from said "tyranny". though i guess "using the tommyinnits of the server" also included using tubbo, now didn't it?

"i highly, highly doubt that was what it was written as at the time."

yeah, dream did quote the lion king, but that doesn't change the way that it was anarchy. dream's "no factions" thing he had going on also included no government by default, showcased by him having problems with people starting countries. if it wasn't anarchy, what was it then? because that's literally the only thing that fits. there was no government and even dream described it as a "family" rather than any form of hierarchy, so i don't get your point. some people are going to have better things than others, and they'll be able to protect themselves and others better, but there is no system in place, that's literally how anarchy works. their mock court with no actual laws enforced by no one doesn't count i don't think.

the fact they thought they had a reason to attack her doesn't change the fact that they attacked first, so dream had all the reasons to believe they were aggressive and was fully justified in declaring war. this makes the statement "dream attacked first" untrue as well.

wilbur knew what he was doing, he knew he was going to scam people for power. if he thought he was being mistreated he could just stop trying to mistreat others.

i do agree it became a lot of other things for other people. i think that's one of the reasons wilbur destroyed it though; it was supposed to be his l'manberg.

if the power was supposed to "let him do what he wanted" then that's quite ironic considering what he wanted was power (you know, the reason he started the drug empire in the first place), not because he wanted to "make drugs undisturbed". that is quite literally an obvious lie he used when they first started and somehow people have totally forgotten that was not the truth.

"he didn't want power over others" cc!wilbur said he wanted to have power over l'manberg because he thought it was something worth having power over. if you consider l'manberg the people, then your statement would be untrue. then again, maybe he simply wanted to have something be fully his because of his possessive nature.

"he would lie about his past actions out of a place of self hatred." is just. reaching, with all due respect. this man might be mentally unstable, but that makes literally no sense when the day before he was saying how he had "plans to make". he thinks ahead, always.

"what if one person wants the “freedom” to attack another? it’s still technically allowed, but obviously it’s morally wrong." yeah that's what i mean by not infringing on the rights of others. in that case they shouldn't have that freedom, just like wilbur shouldn't have the freedom to restrict others' freedom.

also i see the whole "words" schtick as manipulation because it was. they said they "fought with words", like that doesn't sound like a peaceful solution, more like a different approach, and it was because that is what they did.

other people believed in the ideals of l'manberg and they protected it for good reasons, but that doesn't change the fact it was build on lies by a liar and it did exactly what it was meant to do - it divided people.

i actually talk about it in this post here!

"wilbur was saying that he wanted to create something important." nope, the quote continues something like "make them think it's important because you want to have power over it, when it's not." here's the link to the whole clip.

"wilbur showed in the first war that that wasn’t his main motive" i've already said why i find this misinformation. he said it, he didn't show it, and that is because it isn't true.

the "something worth" part is just. taking things out of context to the point they're something completely different. yes, it was worth something to wilbur, and that worth was power. that's literally what that means.

the greater smp did represent anarchy and peace. that were the ideals c!dream was fighting for, and still was later on, that much was obvious if you look deeper into his character, so i'm not going to argue, other than that based on the information i have, it's incorrect.

"someone who wanted peace at the start and someone who tried to protect the thing and people he loved." see you tell me you didn't fall for propaganda and then say this. the thing he loved was his own personal power, and that was the end of it. if he wanted peace he wouldn't be starting factions and accusing people of being tyrannical while he himself was trying to estabilish an empire. i'm not saying he's an awful person, they're all morally grey, but that's just what all the actual evidence points to.

"your view shows him as lying about practically everything to everyone all the time, never caring about the citizens, and striving for conflict."

again, i don't believe he liked conflict for its own sake, but he did create division for his own benefit the way i see it.

yeah wilbur said it genuinely to tubbo when he first brought him armor; when the rule was first established. here's the post where i found it.

wilbur was never a dictator because people didn't listen to him, which is why he did the whole election thing, with his other plan than a democratic election with no democracy being this:

Wilbur: “We can either, Tommy, right – we can either become a dictatorship, okay…we can just suddenly decide, ‘right, we’re in charge,’ and we just start – we start asserting our dominance. Now the key thing to being a dictator, is we need to control the center of power…so we get an army going –”

Tommy: “What is the center of power? Is it like some cube, or like an orb?”

Wilbur: “The army! The army! The banks, you know? We take control of those, and then people will do exactly as we say, right? That’s the dictatorship route, right. The other route is the democracy route. Now, this route’s gonna be slightly harder, but I have a plan. So I was thinking…what better way of making people believe that you’re in charge than by having them vote for you, right?”

so uh, i wouldn't be so quick to say he didn't plan on being oppressive to his people. he was literally planning to start an army and take total control of the economy to "assert dominance" over his own people -because he didn't think they respected his authority enough and was irritated by it - but instead defaulted to lies and manipulation of the crowd. you see a pattern already?

"the feelings of l’manburg were more like friends than a hierarchy even though he was technically in charge." this is the thing with dream though, except there was. actually no hierarchy. the original dream smp was this but actually true instead of just being a front. no one actually needed l'manberg, wilbur made them think they did. tubbo and sapnap used to be friends before this. the friendships inside of it could've existed without, and would've probably been better off without being stained by war.

wilbur didn't fear for anyone's safety, and i don't get where you would get that conclusion. the dream smp was already safe, people like dream and sapnap were making it safe.

"people that were already in l’manburg had been affected firsthand by dream. they knew what he was capable of and so were fighting for l’manburg and each other, not because wilbur told them to." i don't find this true at all, please elaborate because i have reasons to believe this is incorrect.

the quote you’ve listed is very interesting to me, because it first of all shows dream’s “ends justify the means” mentality (that is also shown in an explanation of his motives during moments like this, which happened after the war), as well as trying to end the war as soon as he could.

the dream smp was freedom. the freedom wilbur was asking for was the freedom to take the land, take the people dream considered his friends, divide them and create a government.

wilbur was verbally aggressive with dream since the beginning, back when he was cocky. this only shows that dream was one of the few people who didn’t fall for his words. his main point in his motivation during the war was not wanting to give them independence, which would be, well, giving wilbur power over the land *and* the people. so i think from his position this is extremely understandable.

but back to the topic at hand, wilbur’s speech here means literally nothing, because it’s as untrue as everything he’s said before - in both intention and meaning - as well as being a last attempt at turning the situation in his favor using words. he said he was a peaceful businessman back when he was robbing people, and not like that meant anything when his actions said otherwise. both sides had their losses and were ready to harm the other, neither was the victim, no matter how good wil is at playing one.

dream was giving them chances over and over again. you can literally see he wasn’t hurting them because he wanted to, even despite it being war he was willing to step away at any moment should the other side surrender. and, well, of course dream’s perspective wouldn’t mean anything to wilbur, because he had his own, and he knew no one was going to believe dream anyways; he made sure of it.

i’m not saying he wanted violence, but that doesn’t mean he was good or pacifistic. he was *ready* to be violent if needed (see the armor quote again as well as the fact they literally fought), but i too would be happy if i was able to to colonize someone’s land without any resistance or conflict if you know what i mean. guess wilbur realized rather quickly words wouldn’t work on dream, which is why he got verbally violent and didn’t seem opposed to fighting him later on (during the actual war).

reminds me of exile, in a way. can’t get them to listen to you and give you what you want? get them out of the way in a different manner.

either way, point is; i’m sure wilbur didn’t want to fight, i don’t think him a fan of violence *at all* but he was the instigator and was ready to perpetuate war to get what he wanted. (see him also being willing to make an army to control his citizens, but using underhanded tactics instead to make people think they were voting for him.)

the whole “dream attacked the child soldiers and was always the one to start it” is quickly negated by the way dream constantly asked them to give up instead of fighting. it was literally wilbur who pushed them to go on and risk (and lose) their lives. dream’s said later on that he “had to” do what he did (he was being genuine here), which means he, in a way, felt responsible for stopping wilbur & l’manberg. he didn’t want to be violent, but unlike wilbur, he wasn’t going to be able to talk them out of it. it makes sense he would turn to threats and intimidation to try and get them to surrender first, i mean, what other choice was there?

l’manberg weren’t the ones forced to fight, is what i’m getting at.

dream wasn’t any more violent than wilbur, it’s just wil was better at non-violent, but still morally reprehensible, ways of getting his way, and he used them to his full advantage. neither of them wanted violence for the sake of it, and i never said that; i just said wilbur’s “pacifist” schtick was a total ruse, and never meant anything about his actual “peacefulness”, which i still find true.

as for the whole “manipulated or didn’t manipulate” thing with the vassal scene, the first link i sent here i think describes my stance quite well. but it’s very interesting to note that there’s a theory wilbur legitimately thinks dream selfish, which is why he said that - either way, the effect remains, dream was essentially shut down after trying to gain back people’s trust and help out who he considered the “good side”.

dream was very obviously making efforts, giving tommy and techno as well as the pogtopia cause as a whole a whole lot of supplies, including his crossbow which he had a personal attachment to. he expressed outwardly that he was on their side, to the point where he refused to call l’manberg “manberg” and then was caught off-guard when wilbur called it that during the vassal conversation.

dream was attached to tommy, as shown by fighting for him during the eiffel tower conflict, and also helping him overall. their relationship was always very interesting, but after the l’manberg war, their friendship never really changed - tommy scammed the discs back, that had at that point legally belonged to dream, but he didn’t seem to hold even that against him as he tried to help get back l’manberg with him. they were the sort of friends who would tease each other to hell an back and fight on the battlefield each other but still have friendly vibes… you know what i mean?

i think this is why exile hurt so much, to me. that i believe they had genuinely been friends once, before it went downhill at a hella steep inclide. but enough me rambling about what had once been my comfort duo and is now utterly unsalvageable.

either way, he was attached to the people involved, because a lot of the character strongly indicates he has a sense of responsibility (not control) over the people on his smp. it’s the reason he’d always get involved in conflicts other people started, like pogtopia.

his fatal flaw has always been caring too much after all - and not being cared about back, because sometimes, that’s just how life works. that’s what destroyed him. that’s literally the character, so saying he “could’ve just walked away” is dismissing pretty much his entire personality, but hey, i don’t blame you, just pointing it out.

the thing is wilbur did force him to make a terribly hard decision. dream could either give him the tnt, ally with the self-proclaimed bad guys, or let wilbur get back his power and go mad with ambition - not saying it would happen, but it’s what wilbur threatened to do. keep in mind dream’s main concerns about this whole conflict was schlatt going to war with the dream smp, as expressed by himself, and so wilbur saying he would genuinely do the same if he became president again was literally backing dream up into a corner.

“if dream thought wilbur was being a villain”

Wilbur: How much would you say that me and Tommy are kind of the bad guys here? We… We… I mean, we-

Dream: I don’t think you guys are the bad guys.

i… don’t know where you got that from, maybe you misunderstood something i said, but no, he definitely didn’t. until wilbur convinced him, that is.

“i’m also going to say that “villainization” and “calling out someone for hurting you” are not the same thing.”

yeah, they are. and dream was villainized.

so uh, first of all, wilbur literally said he was going to “use the tommyinnits of the world” in order to establish his capitalistic empire, then he called tommy “young”, “naïve”, and said that he likes him because he can build a foundation upon him, after which tommy questioned him and he said not to worry about it.

wilbur proceeded to lie to everyone including tommy about dream, the country he was establishing, to the point where tommy is seen confused in both the vassal scene and the revivedbur scene - asking why he would ally himself with dream both times, because he genuinely thought he was a bad person, a “dictator” they were fighting against.

wilbur didn’t reply either time, because he knew very well what he had done and he intended for tommy to think that.

during the entirely establishment he was exploiting the clingyduo not knowing anything about politics in order to enforce unhealthy patriotism onto them. he forced tommy to give up his hill-house and turn it into an embassy, guilt-tripping him by saying he doesn’t care about the cause (which was a lie) and that he can just leave if he doesn’t intend on being loyal.

and then there’s this scene:

Tommy: “Look at me in the eyes when I’m talking to you – There’s been some proper tyranny.”

[Wilbur pushes Tommy off the wall]

Wilbur: “Don’t tell me what to do, alright? You’re getting out of your comfort zone. Who’s the President? Tommy, who’s the President?”

Tommy: “How dare you, how dare you, you must respect manners, Wilbur! There are manners! There is a common etiquette that everyone must follow, my friend!”

Wilbur: “Tommy, who’s the President?”

Tommy: “…You’re the President.”

Wilbur: “Good lad, now come back.”

Tommy: “I – you’re gonna have to drop down a ladder, I’m not sure how we’re gonna –”

Wilbur: “Walk ‘round, walk ‘round, Mr. Vice President.”

and this is just before pogtopia. after this, wilbur proceeded to continue this kind of behaviour on tommy, with the whole “you’re never gonna be president” schtick - here we can see it actually didn’t start in pogtopia. wilbur had been pushing tommy down before in order to estabilish his own power and demand respect.

basically, tommy has been used by every adult figure he’s ever trusted and looked up to. which is part of why wilbur’s behaviour being ignored irks me so much, besides other things.

“when he was faced with a problem, he went for someone’s attachments as an attempt to get things back, and at this point hadn’t been called a villain. i see this as another precursor to the vault, again, the signs were there. the initial conflict of the disk war ended in general peace, it was the fact that dream never gave up those disks and continued to try and use them against tommy that hurt him.”

i disagree with this analysis of dream. he went for the discs because they were physically valuable at the time - tommy had only two, and he grinded hours for them, much like dream for his tools and armor. tommy formed an attachment to them as a result of the disc war, not the other way around.

he continued to use them for their attachment to get back l’manberg and then forcibly getting them back when the chance was provided.

dream didn’t use them once against c!tommy before he himself multiple times showcased how much he cared about them despite there being other discs at that point. dream only used them as placebo tokens to skeppy in order to get back something he was actually attached to, if i remember correctly.

dream fell deeper into using attachment because it became the only way to control his surroundings. no one had ever actually listened to him, and groups of people that had formed were too powerful for him to simply take on without reprocussions.

not only that, he became to lose control of everything - his friend’s house got burnt down and he wanted the person who did it to be held accountable? the leather of his dead horse got used to blackmail him! he was taught this from experience, not because he was “high on the power” or whatever your are implying was the reason.

“when he had then seen that dream would willingly hurt him, he began to call dream that and mean it.” he was taught dream to call dream a tyrant by wilbur, that’s literally what happened in canon. he did genuinely think he was a villain before the war, because that’s what wilbur told him and he trusted wilbur.

i am not taking everything wilbur says as truth. that man lies his mouth off every time he appears on screen. it’s just a character acknowledging what people who looked deeper into the narrative already knew. i’m not going to assume someone is lying when i logically know what he’s saying matches up with what i know to be true.

either way, here’s some more analyses on the subject you might wanna read to understand my points better and be able to more thoroughly rebut them: (1, 2, 3)

“with the sam thing, i am fairly certain that intentional withholding of food would be considered direct torture, and if that has not been retconned i would be surprised, but i don’t know.”

i… am genuinely sort of baffled at why you would think that? the prison arc is literally made to be about c!sam’s corruption, the mistreatment of dream (including mental and physical abuse) and c!quackity’s manipulation of the situation of his own gain. there is no reason to retcon the torture they put in on purpose? the prison arc is supposed to parallel exile and humanize dream. the people who have been analysing it all agree on that.

here’s a shorter (and outdated) list of the ways in which pandora’s is inhumane and here’s a longer one including things implied and more in-depth about c!sam and c!dream.

“the conditions are harsh and it’s interesting to remember that dream was the one who commissioned them in the first place (not meaning he deserves them, just food for thought)”

no, take your food back, i have heard this as a genuine excuse too many times by now. c!dream didn’t tell c!sam to physically and mentally abuse him. in fact he said that people would only be put in the main cell for 14 days max (the maximum amount of days before it becomes classified as torture by the united nations - man’s did his research), and they would have free reign of the prison. there have even been changes to the way the cell works since he’s been put in. he wasn’t going to subject anyone to the sort of thing he’s going through.

the only reason it’s happening to him is because people hate him and want him to suffer. the people of the server put him there because they thought they could use him later on, it’s a literal vault for a human being to be stored for later use, and it’s disgusting. people didn’t want him in the prison. they didn’t put him there to protect themselves. they were fully willing to kill him, and the only reason he is still alive is that they thought of him as an item and wanted to use his capabilities. (dream also buying into it, as he does with everything this godforsaken narrative enforces upon him, “i am the book”.)

i know it’s roleplay, but i’m emotionally invested in this arc, and it’s just so incredibly dark on purpose which people seem to ignore, so sorry for ranting.

“you say that you never said sam molded him into what he became, but you accuse the people of affecting dream and therefore forcing him into the role of the villain. i feel as if that is a type of molding?”

i’m saying no one molded dream on purpose, but what they all did (or should’ve done but didn’t) affected him in a very negative way nonetheless and should be acknowledged.

also, calling dream a monster or standing by while he gets ruthlessly murdered after following all orders and putting away all his armor and weapons isn’t very helpful of them.

“you saw it as skeppy “twisting his words”. this seems to be an example of someone calling dream on his crap, yeah? just because he’s twisting to defend himself doesn’t mean the other person is trying to make him be something he doesn’t want to be, it means that he’s uncomfortable or unable to deal with confrontation of his own acts and will attempt to justify them.”

no. i made an entire analysis of their interaction. that’s literally what he did, there is no softening that punch.

Dream: Anyway, um - you’re really making me out to be a bad guy! Like-

Dream: Look, we HAD to fight that war, okay? We had to fight that war, it was a necessary evil.

Skeppy: [Wheezes] No, it w- You’re telling me, you started the war too?

Dream: Yes! Because - listen-

Skeppy: You started it? It wasn’t even them, you started it-

Dream: Listen, they - they made a Declaration of Independence-

Skeppy: You one day woke up and said, “they don’t deserve that tiny piece of land”?

Dream: Well no, cause they made, they made a-

Skeppy: That’s literally what happened, one day you woke up and you said-

he continuously cuts him off while dream nervously expresses his discomfort over skeppy making him out to be the villain, and his refusal to listen. here’s my analysis of the interaction if you’d like to read it.

“i think it’s unfair to say that nobody tried to help him. people still treated him with respect and kindness for a long time and with those bonds it was ultimately him that cut them.”

no. name one bond that he cut first. george and sapnap? they left him first. sam, puffy, punz? he wasn’t as close with them, but he didn’t cut any of them off before they showed up during the disc finale ready to kill him. if that doesn’t count as them cutting attachments or abandoning him then i… don’t really know what you would call it?

“it feels a little victim-blamey to say that if only they had treated the guy hurting them better, maybe he wouldn’t have hurt them as much.” “you do say that dream is responsible for his actions, but you place the reason he did his actions on other people, effectively blaming them for how he turned out. this rubs me the wrong way because a lot of the people you accuse of doing this were people directly being harmed by him, and so it ends up sounding like they’re at fault for their own pain.”

well, it’s true, though? he was hurt and abandoned to the point when he didn’t care about hurting others anymore. that’s it. that’s his character arc. it’s not “victim-blamey”, it’s a fact. just because he ended up hurting people doesn’t negate the fact he was hurt himself first. the environment they all were a part of pushed him this far, and that’s just what happened.

the dream smp is a literal cycle of violence perpetuated by each and every one of them, and it’s awful for all of them. the problem is that they refuse to see things from others’ perspective and end up hurting each other as a result, which dream is a prime example of. that’s just the plot of the story, not victim-blaming anyone.

see the second to last line of my original post. “the entire dream smp is absolutely screwed, and every single one of them needs therapy.”

here’s another thread about that, actually!

i’m blaming the environment which includes the actions (which were often - not always - unintentional mistakes) of the individuals, i’m not saying they “brought this upon themselves” or anything of that sort. everyone makes mistakes and those mistakes might affect other people and how they act, but that’s not saying i’m blaming anyone for being hurt?

“sapnap still considered him a good guy up until the moment that he saw the space for beckerson in the vault.”

see you keep bringing this up but that doesn’t make sense at all. sapnap came into the vault before he saw that. he made the conscious decision to ally himself with tommy during doomsday before he saw that. he accused dream of not caring about him and george, and left to make his own country before he saw that. you get the point?

the vault was the direct consequence of the hurt he’d endured, so i don’t see why you would ever list it as a reason for people abandoning him? the prison is just them continuing it, although at this point they might have actual reasons, it doesn’t negate the fact that they ignore his bad conditions and even perpetuate them.

“dream was not alone until he chose to be alone. it was tragic that he chose that, but it was ultimately his choice and this is evidenced by the vault.”

people do not decide to isolate themselves for no reason. people started cutting him off first, they turned against him first, they made him the villain first, they used what he loved against him first, they told him he couldn’t ever achieve peace first. he only cut himself off only after all of that happened, and i would’ve done the same! you would’ve done the same. it was a defence mechanism that only sent him deeper down his mental spiral, but it was a reaction, not a decision he made. the vault is a physical embodiment of how deep down he went and how bad his state of mind had gotten overtime through neglect.

also, you might wanna give the vault vod a rewatch as well, and then tell me the person saying those things is mentally healthy and definitely doesn’t need help.

oh! also, a thread on attachment about dream. worth a read.

just because a response is an overreaction or wrong doesn’t make it any less of a response. nearly all of the things dream did was a reaction of some sort.

he lists his reason for starting the war as them declaring independence, so i don’t think it really matters when the official document was sent.

“he also initiated the final disk conflict, with the clear intention of murdering tubbo and putting tommy in the prison as a sort of thing for his amusement. he said multiple times that he found the struggle with tommy “fun”, and said their fight wasn’t over because he personally found it engaging to torment another person, and that was how he got power.”

oh yeah, that definitely seems like something the guy who’s only ever listed his reasons as being peace and has been mentally declining ever since would be completely honest about in front of his biggest enemy. /s

the thing is, the way dream behaves in front of tommy is starkly different than everyone else. c!dream sees him as the “hero” and himself as the “villain”, which is why the pushing of the narrative on his part is so strong when they interact.

besides, so many things he says simply don’t match up at all.

basically, he is very obviously playing a part when he says things like this. nothing he says like that matches up with anything else about his character, and that’s the only explanation. besides, this man’s evil monologues are straight out of a “how to be a scary villain” book.

no discredit to cc!dream of course, but it’s like that intentionally. cc!dream has said after this that c!dream is “reserved” not only about his feelings but also about his “plans” and “intentions”. that quite doesn’t match up with what he yells at the top of his lungs during that scene, now does it? his mask’s very convincing, to be fair, so i don’t blame you. he’s gotten good at playing his part over the years, which makes sense seeing as it was always expected of him, and other people would talk for him if he didn’t do it himself.

“there are a lot of conflicts that dream has started.”

...alright? list any other ones besides the last one?

“buying his line of “only caring about unity” and “trying to prevent chaos” … he uses this many times as an excuse for his actions, and the fact that he was still excusing and justifying his actions makes me think that he still genuinely believed he was right.”

well yes, because he does believe that. he uses the excuse because it’s true. the justification isn’t right of course, but he is not lying when he says those are his motivations, which is backed up by his prior explanations as well as actions. i am not buying anything, it’s what’s become evident from analysing him that that is what he wants to achieve. it doesn’t excuse anything, but saying that’s truly his end goal isn’t incorrect.

becoming a control freak as a result of feeling the loss of control over your own circumstances isn’t equal to dehumanizing the people you’re trying to control.

he didn’t ever take george’s personal freedom. he didn’t start using attachments because he thought it was convenient. i have literally no idea where you’re getting these claims from.

“dream’s actions during exile and the vault do not look like those of a man who is trying to get better but thinks he “has” to be something. honestly, it looks like a guy on a power trip who thinks he’s god and is going to try and prove it.”

both of those are wild misinterpretation of the character. which is understandable seeing as you’ve said already you never tried to look deeper into him, but it’s incorrect nonetheless.

he was trying to get better up until the 16th, which is when the bad things that happened to him stopped going up and instead went downhill, like, really fast. alright, that metaphor probably makes no sense, but you get the point. he had stopped trying at the point of exile, is the point. but he also does think he has to be something in order to “fix” his home.

he wasn’t on a power trip at all, he didn’t have a god complex up until the prison stripped him of all his dignity and then threw an opportunity at him, and he wasn’t trying to prove anything to anyone. that’s an easily debunkable assumption, but, well, guess it’s easy to make.

“there is a clip in which dream says he doesn’t really care how others see him and he doesn’t care if they think he’s bad.” yeah, i know he said that a couple of times. that’s him going numb after he was affected by how others saw him for way too long, which is completely natural. again, a psychological defence mechanism. him saying that he doesn’t mind others calling him a villain or a monster and even seems to agree that his methods are villainous but has just stopped caring makes the situation all the more messed up. makes the character all the more tragic.

“it requires dream to be lying about how he feels all the time. not technically impossible, because he does not talk about emotions.” he is emotionally repressed. it’s not just “not technically impossible”, it’s likely and fits perfectly into his character arc in canon.

“and if a writer is telling their story in a way that only makes sense if you disregard everything they say, i feel like it’s not very good storytelling, unless that is the entire point and the character is based on that.”

see, you get the point here. cc!wilbur is literally the man with an arg around him that has still not been solved. why would he hand us everything on a silver platter? why would he not force us to dig deeper and look beneath what is widely accepted? he literally talks about unreliable narrators constantly poking fun at how the audience seems to take things the characters say at face value, and i’d say early c!wilbur is a prime example of that. it is good storytelling because cc!wilbur pulls it off brilliantly.

it’s also called “the metanarrative”, which is a giant focus of the dream smp if you look closer, especially during the time cc!wilbur has been writing it, especially the establishment of l’manberg where he constantly talks hypocritically on purpose (he said something along the lines of “dream, you can’t just come onto someone’s land and take it for yourself, are you an idiot?” during the early days along with other things e. g. blatant trump references “we’ll build a wall and make the mexicans pay for it”, which i find hilarious) and you know what, good for him. people not being able to tell things go deeper than their feelings is, you know, valid, but also fun to watch, and cc!wilbur’s a controlled chaotic crimeboy.

“people stood by dream. people helped him.” none of them did that for long. “dream still had a system up until the moment he isolated himself” his main support system left by themselves.

i think you’re sort of purposefully discarding a lot of things and misinterpreting the character. it also seems you’re strongly biased against c!dream, which, to be fair, the majority of the fandom is.

look, i don’t want to attack your feelings about characters. you think what you want. but i’m basing my assumptions on evidence and also try to bring up evidence when i think people are misunderstanding because i believe it’s important to know the full truth. however, i understand the desire to not change your opinions if you feel attached to your current perspective - it's a piece of entertainment, you enjoy it the way you want to. you asked about it first though, so i’m giving you my opinion. we can stop at any time if you feel like we’re not getting anywhere, i’m completely fine with that.

i don’t want to seem aggressive, but i feel like at some points we’re just going in circles. would you consider talking over discord chat (better at writing longer messages than tumblr messages) so we can tackle each problem individually in real-time? no worries if you don’t, just thought it could work rather well to get somewhere in our discussion.

also, sorry for the surely numerous typos in this reply. i didn't have the mental energy to go back and proofread.

either way, have a nice day.

[loving-barnes]

TED MOSBY – THE ONE (1)

(A/N): I needed a change and I have decided to write a HIMYM fanfic. This might have two or three parts. I have been watching the whole show again and honesly, I am obsessed with Ted. So... if you like or love  HIMYM, this one is for you. Also, this is around season 5 mixed with an AU. 

Pairing: Ted Mosby x reader

Warnings: none

Words: 2013

TED MOSBY – THE ONE

After all the break-ups and girls, he was ready to settle down. Usually, when he found a girl and started dating her, he would tell his friends that someone new came into his life. Maybe because of that his relationships didn’t work out. Maybe… This time, he decided to keep it as private as possible and not tell them about the new woman in his life until they were ready. It was a mutual decision. She was glad that he proposed the idea because she was only in one relationship before Ted and so, she wanted to take things a bit slow.

They would hang out together when Ted’s roommate was away or they would stay at her place because she lived alone.

“My friends come and go into our apartment, so it’s better we are mostly crashing at your place. And besides, I love it here,” said Ted to Y/N when they spend their three-month anniversary at her place. It was a simple Chinese takeout night with Star Wars. Ted wanted to watch it, just to be sure she loved the movies as much as he did.

“This is my favourite part,” she squealed excitedly.

Ted’s eyes widened and he looked at her. He stopped breathing for a moment and just stared at her face, noticing how her eyes were sparkling and he just knew that she was the one, at least the one worth saying those three powerful words.

Y/N turned to him with a smile. “What’s up?” she asked.

“I love you,” he said – simple, short and powerful.

Her hand reached for the remote control and she paused the movie. After that, she put down her plate with food and again turned to him. “Really?”

Ted nodded, still smiling. It was a genuine smile that she loved so much. “I mean it. I love you.”

And then she was on him, kissing him deeply. Then she realised one unpleasant thing. She pulled away from him. “I’m so sorry, my breath after the spicy chicken…”

“That’s alright,” he leaned to her again, capturing her lips with his.

After the kiss, she curled to his side with a plastered smile on her face. “I love you too, Ted.”

In the end, it was a good thing they decided to keep it low-key. This way, they could enjoy their time together and cherish their moments without being interrupted by Ted’s friends, mostly Barney.

Even though Barney had a thing for Robin, he would hit on Y/N a lot – Ted was sure of it. Deep down, he was scared to introduce his new girlfriend to Barney.

“Ted?” Y/N asked him the next morning when they were having a very early breakfast before work. “If you agree and if you want, I would like to meet your friends. I think I am ready,” she said.

As much as it made him happy that she wanted to meet the people he considered as family, his gut was telling him to wait a little more. “Uhm-“ he started slowly, carefully considering his next words. “About that,” he took a deep breath. “I am so glad you want to meet my friends, but could we wait a bit more, please?”

She put down her mug with coffee. “Sure,” she didn’t know what to think. “No rush. Can I at least know why? Should I be worried or scared?” she kinked a brow.

Ted took a deep breath. She needed to know some information about his friends. “They mean well, I know that, but sometimes they can be either overprotective or make everything to make fun of me. I don’t mind the second one it’s just… it might scare you off.”

She laughed a little and bit her lower lip. “Go on,” she goaded him.

“I will come clean with you. There is this girl in our group – Robin – and we used to date for a year. I don’t have any feelings for her. She is just a friend and a family, nothing more. Lily, she still thinks I might have feelings for her. I don’t. The only feelings I have are that I love you.”

“Alright,” she nodded.

“Doesn’t that bother you?”

Y/N shook her head. “Honestly, maybe a little but overall, no. I would be more worried if you met someone after me. That I would be more worried about,” she admitted. “Anything else I should know?”

Ted was pleasantly surprised that she was fine with it. “Uh, Barney, he is a womanizer and a sociopath. In the end, he is a very good friend of mine. I just want to warn you that he might hit on you, a lot.”

“And the one named Lily?”

“Right, Lily is married to Marshall. We studied at the same university. Marshall is my best friend. Lily occasionally wants to meddle in someone’s business or relationship. Usually, it is not a bad thing.”

Y/N laughed. “Seems like you are trying to say all the negative things about your friends so I wouldn’t be too shocked.”

“Pretty much,” he nodded. “So, would you still like to meet them?”

She stood up from the chair and went to him. Without a word, she sat on his lap and gave his lips a peck. “They are your friends. I want to meet them. If they don’t like me, there is nothing I can do about it.”

“God, you are amazing,” he kissed her one more time. “How about Friday night? I will come for you and we will go to McLaren’s where we hang out most of the time.”

“Sounds like a deal,” she accepted his idea.

…

He hadn’t seen the gang for over a week. When he was done teaching architecture, he went straight to the pub where his friends would already be. And he was right. They were all sitting in their usual booth, drinking beer.

“Well, look who decided to show up,” said Lily when she noticed him coming towards them. “Where have you been most of the time? We barely have seen you this century.”

Ted took a chair and sat at the head of the table. “Sorry guys, I had a lot to do at work,” he said it as if it was true. “Sometimes, it is not easy to be a teacher.”

“Seriously Ted, what is going on?” Marshall asked him.

“Nothing, really.”

“Where’s the poop, Ted?” Lily questioned.

“There is no poop, Lily. I had to create several tests for my students, prepare the lectures and had a meeting with the school council.” He said it while directly staring into her eyes.

They were quiet for a moment until Barney decided to open his mouth. “Alright, since you are here, we shall play our favourite game to get you laid.”

“Barney, no.”

“Come on, Ted. We haven’t played it for months. FOR MONTHS, Ted,” he stood up from his seat with his scotch in a hand.

While he was babbling about it, Ted’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He received a text from Y/N.

Hi, I am passing by your street and I was wondering if you would like to hang out or something?

As much as he tried not to smile, he failed, and Robin was the one that noticed it. “Ted Mosby smiling at his phone? Something is definitely going on.”

I’m inside McLaren’s with the gang. Come here and meet everyone, if you like.

“There definitely is a poop. Spill it out, Mosby,” Robin mocked him.

He kept his mouth shut, not telling them anything. “Oh man, what did you do?” Marshall was concerned. “Ted, tell us. You have never been this silent. What happened?”

“Wait a minute,” Barney sat down and pointed at Ted’s face. “I know this face.”

And before he could say that he might meet a girl, a young woman approached the table carefully. “Ted,” said Y/N softly.

He turned his head and smiled at her. He stood up, helped her with her jacket and offer her his chair. Afterwards, he grabbed himself a new one.

“Y/N, this is everyone. Everyone, this is Y/N, my girlfriend.”

Barney almost choked on his drink and thus sprayed it on Marshall and Lily who were sitting opposite them. “What? No, no! You are supposed to be my wingman. You are not supposed to date anyone for at least five years.” He left the booth and went somewhere else to cry.

“So, I guess that is Barney,” said Y/N while looking into Ted’s eyes.

“Exactly,” he nodded.

Lily was the next one to finally speak. “Hi, this is a surprise,” she stuttered. “Honestly a big surprise. I’m Lily and this is my husband, Marshall,” she pointed at the tall man next to her. “H-how long have you been together?”

“For over three months,” they said simultaneously.

“You kept it a secret for over three months? How? How did you manage to keep your mouth shut for that long?” Marshall couldn’t believe it.

Y/N was glad for a second that she was not the centre of the attention. They were bombarding Ted for trying to keep this relationship a secret. In the meantime, she ordered herself a beer.

“So, Y/N, tell us something about you? Or better, how did you two meet?” Lily turned her attention to her.

Y/N shrugged. “Honestly, there is nothing special about how we met. We simply bumped into each other on the street when suddenly, everything was on the ground and Ted was apologizing,” she smiled at the memory. “I was running to an important meeting and Ted was late for class.”

“After that, we met like a week later when I happened to be at the right time in the right place,” he looked into her eyes. “Some of my students told me that there was a reading in the library after class. I was not interested in going at all,” he admitted. “Then, they showed me the leaflet and there she was.”

“There I was,” she repeated almost inaudibly.

Barney came back to the booth with another scotch in his hand. “Traitor,” he said it out loud. “Marshall, you are my new and only wingman.”

“In your dreams,” he declined.

“Just wait, Mosby. This thing,” he pointed between Y/N and Ted, “will end soon and then you will be begging to be my wingman.”

“So, what do you do for a living?” Robin tried to turn the conversation where it was before Barney interrupted them.

“I am a writer. I wrote the Noble Blood trilogy and am currently working on another fantasy book.”

“I love the Noble Blood series,” Marshall almost scream from the sudden excitement. “You are Y/N Y/L/N. Holy crap, I can’t believe you were able to get her, Ted. Finally, someone normal.”

“I’m glad you like the books,” she smiled at him.

“I love them,” Marshall continued. “They are written for both boy and girls. What inspired you to write something like that?”

“Star Wars,” she said simply.

“She loves Star Wars?”

“She loves Star Wars,” said Ted.

“She loves Star Wars!” Barney exclaimed. “You just went from a 7 to solid 11.”

“Thanks?” Y/N was a bit offended and confused.

Robin joined the conversation. “Hey, I work for Channel 12 and I would like to make an interview with you.”

“You work for the news channel? That is so cool. I would love to. We should arrange something,” Y/N happily accepted. “One question, though: Is Sandy Rivers still there and being such a pig?”

Robin nodded, immediately annoyed by that man. “Sandy Rivers is a pig, but he is not working with me.”

“S-so, you’ve seen my show: Come on, Get up New York!?”

“Surprisingly yes. When I had to leave for Europe to promote the book, I would watch it while packing or getting ready for the flight.”

“My girlfriend is just awesome,” said Ted triumphantly and he quickly kissed her cheek.

“Alright, next round is on me. I am so happy to meet you. Really,” she gave them an honest smile and went to the bar.  

[teenwolffanclub-me]

Season 1, Episode 12: Code Breaker

Hey there beautiful reader! If you’re new here, this is a series I’m writing where each chapter is an episode from the first season of Teen Wolf. If you’ve been here before, hey! I missed you! Previous and future chapters are linked at the end of each part if you want to catch up.

Pairing: Stiles x Psychic! Reader

Warnings: two very justified character deaths 

Notes: I feel like I blacked out and now we’re somehow on the last episode. Not sure how that happened so fast but here we are. Just prepare yourself bc this one is entirely too long but I didn’t want to do two parts 🤷‍♀️

Does anyone want me to continue with Season 2? Please let me know bc I won’t do it unless people are actually interested.

I also wanted to give a shoutout to everyone who has sent me nice comments and showed love on this series. It’s meant the absolute world to me!

Okay now let’s get some closure!

                                                    ————————

I walked through the hallways of the high school, using every ounce of willpower I could muster to keep my eyes firmly planted in front of me.

The pressure of dozens of curious stares weighed on my back as I made my way toward the lockers briskly. From the moment I walked through the doors a few minutes ago, all eyes had been on me. I squared my shoulders and forced my head to remain up high.

If people wanted to gossip, they could go right ahead.

My pace quickened as I heard the unmistakable sound of judgmental whispering behind me. I pinched my eyes shut tightly and tried my best to block out the irritating noise. I just wanted to get my books and go to class. At least there, I would see Scott, Stiles, and Allison.

Once I reached my locker, I shakily dialed in my code and popped the small metal door open. I instantly stumbled back, my eyes going wide as a shit ton of dirt came spilling out. I stood still for a few seconds, blinking slowly as I tried figuring out what the hell just happened.

With a frown, I wiped my hands against my jeans, which were now covered in the stuff. My eyes flickered down toward the pile of soil on the tiles in front of my feet, my brows furrowing in confusion.

How the hell did that much dirt get into my locker? How did any dirt get into my locker?

I glanced around the hall slowly, anxious to see my classmates reactions. I was already the weird girl after everything at the dance. I didn’t want to be the even weirder girl who keeps dirt in the locker.

A surprised breath left my lips as I saw that the halls were now completely empty. I turned all the way around, peering in both directions, but there wasn’t a single soul here with me. My head started pounding and I winced at the unexpected sensation before rubbing at my temples gently.

I swiveled back toward my locker, wanting nothing more than for this day to be over. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe I wasn’t ready for this yet. I instantly froze at the sight of a single purple flower sitting in the middle of the dirt pile. I was almost certain it hadn’t been there a moment before.

My heartbeat thrummed loudly in my ears as I reached a trembling hand inside the small space. I tentatively plucked the plant, which I easily recognized as wolfsbane, out of the soil. My eyes flickered around the purple leaves and long, green stem as my confusion only grew.

Just then, an ear piercing scream echoed through the halls. I whipped around, instantly going rigid when I saw that I was no longer in the school, but standing in the middle of the lacrosse field.

I glanced around the empty stadium, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Did I suddenly develop the ability to teleport? Or was I losing my damn mind? My eyes trailed downward as I felt cool air brush against my legs. My breath hitched as I saw that I was wearing my formal dress. The navy fabric was covered in blood and dirt, the strap on my left shoulder torn to shreds.

A bolt of fear licked up my spine as I heard rustling directly in front of me. My gaze slowly swept upward before landing on a pair of glowing red eyes that were illuminated in the shadowy distance. My eyes pinched shut as terror coursed through me when they started moving closer.

“It’s not real.” The mantra was a shaky whisper as my body trembled. “It’s not real. It’s not—”

Just then, my eyes jerked open on their own accord. I bolted upright with a harsh gasp, my throat constricting painfully as I sputtered and coughed a few times. One of my hands came up to clutch at my chest as I tried desperately to catch my breath.

Only a split second passed before Stiles flailed into a sitting position beside me. He whipped his head from side to side with wide eyes, as if searching for the cause of my panic. Once his attention landed back on me, he instantly pulled me into his chest and began murmuring lowly.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” One of his hands rubbed at my back while the other cradled my head against him.

“Lydia...” I gasped, my breath coming out in quick, trembling spurts. The dream had been some sort of vision or clue...it just had to be.

“Lydia’s alright, okay? They’re gonna find her.” Stiles’ fingers threaded through my hair and massaged my scalp soothingly.

“What? What is it? What happened?” Scott’s head suddenly popped up at the foot of my bed, his hair so messy it looked like he’d been hurled through a tornado.

“Another nightmare.” I breathed, feeling my heartrate dropping back down to normal as Stiles’ hands continued rubbing against me gently. 

Scott sighed from the floor, his shoulders sagging in relief. One of his hands came up to massage the back of his neck and he grimaced uncomfortably. “Cool. Is it my turn on the bed yet?”

“You can curl up down here if you want, like a good puppy.” Stiles smirked at his own joke as one of his hands left me to point toward our feet.

“Scott, just go sleep in your own bed. It’s literally right there.” I gestured to my window, which faced his, and slowly pulled away from Stiles.

As much as I would love to stay in his arms forever, I had to learn to get ahold of myself on my own. They couldn’t keep babying me. Both of them had done nothing but obsess over my health from the moment I was discharged out of the hospital two days ago. 

Scott had refused to leave my side since I’d gotten home, other than the brief moments he made appearances in his own house so that his mom knew he was still alive. He insisted it was to keep an eye on me, and that was partially true, but he was also basically in hiding right now. 

Jackson, being the wonderful friend that he is, somehow found the time to tell Mr. Argent that Scott is the beta they’ve been looking for, kindly adding on to our reasons-life-is-currently-terrible list.

“And let you guys have all the fun without me?” Scott mumbled sarcastically and leaned back to lay on the pillow and blanket I’d set up for him on the hardwood floor.

This had been our routine for two days. Mom banned me from having any visitors while I recover, but that hadn’t stopped Scott from staying or Stiles from sneaking in after school. Each night, I could barely make it through a few hours of sleep at a time before jerking awake from yet another nightmare. Or maybe they were visions. I honestly had no idea.

My days had also been...weird, to say the least. Most of the time, it was hard to tell whether or not I was awake. My sense of reality was seriously fucked up. I was having almost constant visions and dreams, and they never made any sense. It felt like my subconscious was trying to tell me something, but in another language I had yet to learn.

Lydia was still missing, and I was beyond worried sick. Sheriff Stilinski and the entire police department had searched every square inch of Beacon Hills over the course of the last two days, and hadn’t found a single trace of her.

Aside from that shitshow, I also hadn’t spoken to Allison since the last time I’d seen her at the dance. No one had, actually.

Scott—when he wasn’t fawning over me—was losing his mind because apparently while I was being a dumbass and getting myself bitten, Mr. Argent somehow made him shift in front of Allison. Then, he shipped her and Kate off to an undisclosed location until further notice.

I’d sent her a few texts since being home, but she only responded once. The words had replayed in my mind over and over for several hours after reading them as I tried figuring out an acceptable response.

You knew the whole time, didn’t you?

I eventually decided not to answer at all. What could I say? I’d kept something huge from her, although it was never really my secret to tell anyway. She had every right to be pissed off. I wanted to address it in person and, honestly, didn’t have the mental capacity to worry much about it right now.

I blinked a few times, feeling myself come back from my dazed thoughts as Scott and Stiles’ voices fluttered back to my ears. I’d been doing that a lot, too. Getting lost in my mind for several minutes at a time, if not longer. I felt a curious gaze on my face and took in a slow, deep breath before lifting my head to meet Stiles’ eyes.

My heart clenched uncomfortably in my chest at the look he was giving me. It was the same expression that had been etched into his face ever since I’d woken up in the hospital. It was like he was afraid I would try to kill him at any given moment, while simultaneously worrying that I’d suffer a mental break or croak on the spot.

I heard the rumbling sound of snoring from the floor and knew that Scott was already out cold again.

“I’m sorry I woke you.” I sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table, noting with a regretful wince that it was three in the morning. He had school in only a few hours.

Stiles’ eyes inspected me tenderly, rounding with concern as he reached out to tuck a stray clump of hair behind my ear gently. “I wasn’t sleeping. You stole my pillow, so...”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He apparently couldn’t sleep without the thing and had brought it with him each night. It was quite possibly the most adorable thing ever.

“I’m still sorry.” My voice was barely above a whisper as I looked down toward my lap and fidgeted with my fingers. 

Ever since I was bitten I’d felt...different. Like a burden. Out of control. It was as if my mind was warring with itself all day, every day. I had a constant nagging fear that I was forgetting something important. It was like it was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t remember.

Stiles leaned toward me slowly and cupped my cheek before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. His fingers trailed down to brush against the side of my neck before tangling in the hair at the base of my skull. His free hand came up to the other side of my head and he pulled it down against his chest. My eyes fluttered shut as a sigh left my lips.

A sense of peace always washed over me when he was near. Despite everything going on, all it took was a small touch to quiet my racing mind. I felt myself relaxing, if only slightly, in his arms. A moment later, I leaned back to look at him again, my stomach fluttering at the intense gleam of worry shining in his caramel eyes.

“There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?” My voice broke and I furrowed my brows as traitorous tears filled my eyes. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to get better.

Stiles glanced fleetingly at the place where Peter had bitten me, but jerked his attention back to my face quickly, probably hoping I hadn’t noticed. “Whatever it is...we’ll figure it out.”

Somehow, his response wasn’t all that comforting. I didn’t doubt for a second that he’d be there for me every step of the way as I went through whatever this was. I’d watched how he helped Scott during the early stages of his transformation, and it was admirable. But I didn’t want there to be anything wrong. I didn’t want there to be anything different about me.

I just wanted to be normal.

“C’mere...” Stiles opened his arms and I couldn’t help but instantly fall into them.

He pulled me tight against him and leaned back, snagging his pillow from my side of the bed on the way down. My eyes fluttered shut as I laid there on top of him, my legs between his and my head resting above his heart.

I listened to the steady rhythm of his pulse, feeling it lull me to sleep within seconds.

                                                    ————————

I leaned back against my headboard, adjusting the book that rested atop my knees. My bottom lip was tucked between my teeth anxiously as I flipped another page. I narrowed my eyes as they swept over the words, urging my mind to comprehend them. I just couldn’t. I was way too distracted.

My eyes flickered up to find Scott lounging in my desk chair across the room. He was playing some game on his phone and it was making this annoying boing sound every few seconds. It was starting to drive me crazy, but it wasn’t the only thing causing my jitters. 

I glanced away from him to look out my open window and sighed heavily. It was already dark outside, and Stiles wasn’t here yet.

It wasn’t usually like me to jump to conclusions, but considering the state of our lives right now, it wasn’t a stretch to be worried. At this point, though, I was moving toward a full on panic attack. School ended six hours ago. What could he possibly be doing?

I opened my mouth to voice my concern, but never got a chance as Scott interrupted me before I could get even a single word out.

“He’s fine.” He said absently, his eyes never leaving his phone’s screen.

My eyebrows twitched up in surprise. “How did you know...”

“I can hear your heart racing.” He sighed and finally dropped his phone onto my desk before lifting his eyes to meet mine. “You either just ran a marathon, or you’re worried about something. That something is usually Stiles. And he’s fine.”

I rolled my lips into a tight line at the way he’d just read me so easily. “But it’s already—”

Just then, something thumped outside my window loudly. I stiffened at the sound, and Scott perked up in his chair, instantly on high alert. There was a low groan before a figure clambered through the opening. I instantly knew it was Stiles as I caught sight of his red flannel. He flailed to the floor spastically with a yelp and I slammed my book closed before bolting to my feet.

I rushed to his side, my arms wrapping around him as he struggled to get up. His chest heaved with ragged breaths as if he’d run the whole way here.

“Where were you? Are you okay? What happened?” I couldn’t stop the panicked words from tumbling past my lips.

My eyes trailed over him quickly to assess for any damage. His freckled cheeks were flushed and the top three buttons on his flannel were undone, exposing his white undershirt. He looked a little roughed up, but not hurt.

He finally stood up straight and his eyes widened when they met mine, as if only just then realizing that I was beside him. He gripped my upper arms sternly before walking me backward.

“What are you doing? Get back in bed.” I had no choice but to plop down onto the mattress as the back of my knees ran right into it.

“Don’t change the subject, Stilinski.” I frowned up at him and his eyes twitched in warning.

“Oh, God. Please don’t make me listen to another who’s more worried about who fight. I might seriously puke this time.” Scott practically threw himself onto the bed beside me, a look of feigned disgust taking over his face.

My eyes swept toward him and narrowed into a glare only briefly, as my attention moved back to Stiles when he started talking again.

“Moving on.” He sent a pointed look Scott’s way before continuing, his hands gesturing quickly in front of him. He was anxious, that much was obvious. “I had a uh...talk with Chris—”

“Who?” I interrupted, thrown off by the unfamiliar name.

Stiles’ eyes twitched at me in annoyance as he flailed one of his arms in a circle, signaling that we didn’t have much time. “Argent.”

“You call Allison’s dad Chris?” My voice rose in disbelief. Since when was that a thing?

“Oh my God. This is important, okay? He tried to get me and Jackson to tell him where Scott is and—”

Scott sprang upright on the bed, his eyes wide with alarm. “Why were you with Jackson?”

“Can I just finish? Is that alright with you two?” Stiles’ voice rose in frustration, his eyes pinching shut for a brief moment after he shouted.

Both Scott and I froze and he sighed before running a hand down his face. His gaze flickered to Scott as he extended a hand out apprehensively. “He’s literally planning to kill you. Tonight. Okay? So you can’t—”

Scott suddenly rose to his feet, his face tight with determination. “I need to find Derek.”

Stiles’ fingers curled into a fist, still hanging in the air, as he pursed his lips when Scott brushed past him. “Why do we keep going back to him? He’s like your abusive ex, okay? You have a problem. And did you miss the part where I just said you could be murdered by werewolf hunters at any given moment?”

“If the Argents are after me, he’s the only one who can help.” Scott braced his hands against my windowsill and turned to glare at Stiles over his shoulder.

Before either of us could ask him what he was doing, he doubled over with a low groan. I realized he was shifting and tentatively slid back on my mattress, not sure what was going on. I knew he would never hurt me, but I hadn’t seen anything supernatural since being bitten. It instantly had me on edge.

Then, he jerked upright and howled loudly into the dark sky. 

I winced at the deep, rumbling sound, feeling a painful twinge in my head. One of my hands came up to cradle my temple as my lips parted in a silent gasp. The noise was vibrating all the way in my bones, overwhelming every one of my senses. I felt myself slipping away from the present, my eyes wide but unfocused. I faintly registered an arm wrapping around my back as Stiles rushed to kneel in front of me. 

His free hand cupped my face, his lips moving rapidly as he tried to bring me back. I suddenly had the strong urge to close my eyes, so I let them flutter down slowly. Instantly, my breath caught as an image of Derek’s house popped into my mind. There were way too many things happening to decipher any of it. My brows furrowed as I tried making sense of what I was seeing. 

The clearest picture was the most gruesome. Blood. Everywhere. 

A painful spasm in my left shoulder had my eyes jerking open. They met Stiles’ wide, panicked gaze as he hovered only a few inches away from me. With a snap, his and Scott’s voices rushed into my ears. 

“What the hell did you do to her?” Stiles practically yelled, his voice tight with anxiety and a hint of anger. His hands were clutching my arms as he jostled me awake.

Scott appeared at his side above me, his face crumbled in horror. “I-I didn’t do anything! I didn’t mean to...”

“I think I know where to find him.” I interrupted breathily, blinking a few times to focus my eyes. I sat up with a groan, my head pounding harshly. Stiles tightened his grip on me as he tried to keep me steady. “His house. I saw it.”

Scott’s face dropped from beside me, his brows furrowing as his lips pulled into a frown. “So did I.”

We shared a long, curious glance. I had no idea what that meant, and judging by the glint of wonder reflecting in his eyes, neither did he. 

“So we’re just not gonna talk about whatever that was?” Stiles asked incredulously. He e took a step away from me and shrugged sarcastically with a tilt of his head. 

“We don’t have time.” I pushed myself up to my feet and strode toward my closet hurriedly. 

It was freezing outside by now, and I wanted to be prepared for once. I rustled through my sweaters until I found one I didn’t mind ruining. My shoulder protested each movement as I wrestled it over my head, but I tried my best to ignore it. I turned on my heel to face the guys and froze at the looks they were giving me. 

Scott seemed hesitant, but didn’t look like he was going to argue, while Stiles was very much unimpressed. 

“That’s funny.” He laughed humorlessly and pointed at me. “It looks like you think you’re going somewhere.”

I frowned at his demanding tone. “I’m sorry, are you my mother? No? Okay. That’s what I thought.”

I brushed past him to find a pair of socks in my dresser. If he thought he was going to start telling me what to do just because we’re dating, he had another thing coming. My eyes flickered up to meet his in the mirror as I heard rustling behind me.

“You can’t seriously—” His mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to find the right words. I pulled out a mismatched pair of socks and turned to lean against the dresser as I slid them on. “Scott, tell her how stupid this is.” 

“Hell no. I’m not getting involved.” He glanced between us with wide eyes, lifting his hands in surrender. 

“If we don’t go now, Derek is going to die.” I forced the words out through clenched teeth, growing impatient. Somehow, I knew that’s the future we were up against, despite not having actually seen it happen. I just knew. 

“Since when do we care about that?” Stiles swiveled his head as his eyebrows rose in question. 

Scott stepped forward, suddenly looking pensive. “I’m not going to just let him die.”

“I’m the only sane one left...” Stiles muttered to himself, throwing his hands up in exasperation. 

After several more minutes of pointless arguing, a very disgruntled Stiles finally agreed to drive us to Derek’s. The three of us had barely made it a few steps outside the Jeep before he came barreling from the house, looking unpleasant as ever. 

“What the hell are you doing? None of you should be here right now.” His angry voice echoed through the trees as he continued stalking forward until he stood right in front of us. 

“Finally, someone’s making—oh my God!” Stiles didn’t have a chance to finish his thought as an arrow came out of nowhere and embedded itself into Derek’s shoulder. 

My eyes widened in shock and I whipped around just as another arrow came from the trees to land in his thigh. He crumpled to the ground with a groan, clutching at his injuries. 

“Close your eyes!” He shouted and tucked his face into his elbow. 

Long fingers clasped around my bicep and I was jerked to the side before another hand shoved my head into a warm chest. I screwed my eyes shut tightly, a quiet boom sounding beside us. Stiles and I separated quickly to see what it was, but my eyes landed on Scott instead. 

He was crouched down on all fours, blinking rapidly. He hadn’t been fast enough. He squinted into the distance and I followed his line of sight, but came up empty. 

Derek grunted lowly as he broke off the shafts of each arrow that still lay inside him. He stumbled to his feet and grabbed Scott by the collar of his jacket. “Get to the house!” 

Stiles and I didn’t hesitate to obey as we bolted in that direction, our hands tangled together. We only made it about halfway before Derek slumped to the ground behind us, exhausted. I staggered to a halt at the sound and nearly lost my balance when Stiles continued moving. 

His eyes flickered from me to the place where Scott and Derek lay crumpled on the ground in a moment of hesitation. With a grimace, he let me go and we both jogged their way. 

“No! Go!” Derek’s head popped up and he tried waving us off, but it was too late. 

I froze, partially crouched beside him, as a thin figure emerged from the darkness. She was stomping toward us with a huge bow slung over her shoulder. The dim light from Derek’s porch illuminated her face as she neared us, and my breath caught in my throat. It was the last person I expected to see.

“Allison, I can explain—” Scott immediately stammered desperately, still trying to get his bearings after being stunned by the flash bullet. I realized at then that it was the same type she’d tried out with me and Lydia the week before formal.

“Stop lying.” She barked, her voice tight with built up anger. Her eyes flickered up to meet mine, my chest tightening at the intense betrayal swirling inside them. “All of you, for once, stop lying.”

“I was gonna tell you the truth. I was gonna tell you everything at the formal.” Scott rushed the words out in a panic as he shuffled backward to match each step she took toward him. “Everything that I said...everything I did...”

“Was to protect me.” She finished with a humorless scoff, fingers tightening around the arrow she held at her side.

“Yes.” He instantly confirmed, pleading with her to understand. 

I knew exactly how she felt. Being kept in the dark sucked, no matter which way it was spun. Maybe she had been safer this whole time because she didn’t know. Or maybe all his secret did was create an irreparable wedge between them. She was bound to find out eventually, considering who her family was, and this whole mess was probably the worst way it could’ve happened. 

Allison’s eyes glistened as she peered down at him, her hardened mask of hatred cracking just slightly. Her voice trembled as a few tears escaped down her cheeks. “I don’t believe you.” 

“Thank God!” I jumped at the sudden voice from the darkness, and watched as Kate stalked out of the tree line with a roll of her eyes. “Now shoot him before I have to shoot myself.”

My heart leapt into my throat at her words. With Scott dazed and Derek seriously injured, there wasn’t much we could do to stop her from killing either one of them. The reality of our situation hit me like a ton of bricks. Stiles and I were utterly useless. 

“Y-you said we were just going to catch them.” Allison sputtered, head jerking toward her aunt in surprise. 

“Yeah, and we did that. Now we’re going to kill them.” Kate raised an arm absently and shot a bullet right into Derek’s chest as she passed by, not even sparing him a glance. “See? Not that hard.”

I gasped at the unexpected act of violence, my jaw going slack. He instantly fell against the damp ground, motionless. 

Holy shit. Oh my God. Is he actually dead?

Allison’s horrified expression matched mine, more tears coating her face as she stared at Derek’s lifeless body. She stiffened when her aunt joined her in front of Scott, who was still gaping from his crouched position.

“Oh no, not that look.” Kate mused, not sounding the least bit genuine. “That’s the you’re going to have to do it yourself look.”

She raised her gun toward Scott’s chest, a manic grin pulling at her lips. I moved without thinking, taking a big step in their direction. Allison instantly started freaking out and tried to put herself between them, but Kate shoved her away harshly. 

She tumbled to the ground just as a hand clasped around my wrist to stop me. I yanked against it, my chest tightening with panic. I had to get over there. I had to help. 

“Y/N! Y/N, stop!” Stiles yelled frantically from behind me, his hold falling loose as I continued struggling against him. 

I ran forward and staggered to a halt beside Kate, who was still pointing the gun at Scott, having no idea what to do now that I was here. She glanced toward me and sighed with a disinterested roll of her eyes. Before I even fully registered that she moved, I was already on the ground. She’d whipped the gun against the side of my face harshly, white hot pain instantly rippling through my head. 

“No!” I heard Allison shout in horror. 

A groan trembled past my lips as I shakily pulled myself up onto my elbows. My vision blurred as Scott jerked upright, about to rush to my side before Kate aimed the gun at his chest again. He froze, his wide eyes never leaving me. I brought a hand up to my temple and hissed when my fingers landed on a warm trickle of blood. 

“Ah, ah...” Kate tutted, amusement shining in her eyes as she glanced behind me, gun following the movement. 

I turned my head and saw Stiles freeze mid-sprint toward me. His eyes narrowed into an angry glare as his jaw clenched tightly, but he didn’t move an inch. I let out a huff, growing frustrated by this whole stupid situation, and swept my gaze back to Kate. 

“Just shoot someone already.” I barked, annoyed with her games. 

Was it stupid to taunt the person with the weapon? Yes. Did I give a fuck? No. At this point, I was more angry than anything. We’d spent months fighting and tracking the alpha—Peter—as he went on a bloodthirsty rampage through Beacon Hills. We’d nearly died in the school, and at the movie store, and in these very woods. Several times. 

Lydia and I had been bitten, and Stiles’ dad was close to a nervous breakdown because nothing in this town makes any goddamn sense unless you’re risking your life everyday just by knowing about the supernatural. And now, we had to deal with Allison’s batshit crazy family, on top of everything. 

I just wanted it to be over.

Kate huffed out a surprised laugh and pointed the gun at me again. “What poetic last words.”

“No! Leave her alone! I’m the one you want.” Scott shouted desperately, stumbling upright from his position in the dirt. 

An evil smirk twitched at her lips as she ignored him. I watched her pointer finger tighten on the trigger and held my breath as I waited for the inevitable. 

“Kate!” A deep voice boomed from behind me, making her pause. I instantly recognized that it was Allison’s dad. “I know what you did.”

The amusement dropped from her face at his words and her eyes flickered up toward the house for a brief moment. 

“Put the gun down.” Mr. Argent ordered, dried leaves crunching beneath his shoes as he walked toward us. 

“I did what I was told to do.” Kate jutted her hand toward me as she enunciated each word curtly. 

I stiffened, very aware that her finger, which still rested against the gun’s trigger, could set it off at any moment. My pulse hammered in my ears loudly and my entire body began trembling as my fear suddenly caught up with me.

“No one asked you to murder innocent people. There were children in that house.” 

My mind raced as I slowly pieced together what he was saying. The fire. It was Kate. But why? Why would she murder an entire family?

“Ones that were human. Look what you’re doing now, you’re holding a gun at sixteen year old kids. No proof they’ve spilled human blood.” He continued, his voice harsh and unfeeling. “Now, put the gun down...before I put you down.”

My eyes widened at his threat. Would he really kill his own sister?

Kate stared at him for a few long moments, her face crumbling in disbelief. Finally, she lowered her arm back down to her side. I let out a heavy breath of relief, but didn’t move from my crouched position in front of her. A loud creak from the house had everyone’s attention jerking toward it. 

The front door swung open slowly, nothing but darkness behind it.

“Kids, get back.” Allison’s dad ordered gruffly as he cocked his gun and aimed it at the decrepit structure. 

Scott stumbled to his feet, but didn’t make a move to run and hide as instructed. Allison joined his side a moment later, her bow and arrow cocked and aimed at the house. I heard quick steps behind me a moment before strong arms wrapped around my waist and hauled me to my feet. 

Stiles whipped me around to face him, and I winced as my head throbbed in protest. His hands came up to cradle the sides of my face, his fingers turning red as my blood smeared onto his skin. His wide eyes flickered around my body frantically, as if not fully believing that I was right here in front of him. 

He suddenly jerked me toward him and smashed his lips against mine, pouring every emotion he’d just gone through into the kiss. I responded instantly, my hands fisting the warm material of his flannel as I pulled him closer. It was over much too soon as he pulled back with a shaky breath of relief. 

“God, I’m so mad at you right now. I could literally kill you.” His eyes twitched as he continued inspecting me for any hidden injuries. 

“Wouldn’t that be a little counterproductive?” I chuckled despite the situation, and he just glared at me.

“What is it?” My attention jerked back to Allison at the sound of her panicked voice. I’d nearly forgotten what was going on outside the peaceful bubble that was Stiles. 

I turned back toward the house and saw Scott’s eyes flash bright yellow as he peered through the opened front door. “It’s the alpha.” 

At his declaration, a huge black mass raced out of the house, moving impossibly fast. It dashed around the area in a big circle before turning abruptly and knocking Mr. Argent right off his feet. He flew into the air before landing heavily, instantly passing out cold as his head slammed against the dirt. 

Allison cried out and made a move to help him, but quickly found herself in no better shape as the alpha rammed into her next. Only a second later, Scott was groaning as he lay in a heap beside her on the leaf covered ground. My heart slammed against my ribs painfully as my head whipped from side to side, trying to see where he was now. 

All the air rushed from my lungs as a powerful force shoved against mine and Stiles’ sides. His arms instantly wrapped around my waist, and mine around his shoulders. We held onto each other tightly as we flew several feet through the air. At the last second, Stiles shifted us so that he would take the brunt of the fall. He hissed in pain as his back slammed onto the dirt, and I quickly scrambled to get off of him. 

“Come on!” Kate’s angry voice echoed through the trees as she jerked her gun around in a circle. She was the only one left standing. 

I wrapped an arm around Stiles and helped him sit up. He waved me off, muttering something about being fine, and I huffed in annoyance. At this point I was convinced that he was physically unable to help himself from downplaying his own struggles. 

I was about to argue with him, but froze when Peter emerged from the darkness to stand threatening behind Kate. He snatched the arm that held her gun and wrenched it behind her with ease. She grunted in pain as he twisted it with a snap, two shots firing into the sky as they struggled. 

She had no choice but to release the gun. It landed on the ground with a dull thud as he gripped her by the throat and tossed her in the air like a ragdoll. She crashed onto the porch, a cloud of dust rising all around her as she shakily pushed herself up. 

Peter wasted no time in striding up the broken steps. He bent down and grabbed Kate violently before pressing her back to his chest, holding her in place with his claws at her neck. 

“No!” Allison suddenly shouted and sprinted toward them. 

My eyes widened in horror. What the hell did she think she was doing? I made a move to follow her, but Stiles wrapped both arms around my waist tightly. I pulled against him for a few seconds, but stopped when Peter’s voice echoed toward us. 

“She is beautiful, Kate. She looks like you, only not as damaged. So I’m going to give you a chance to save her.” My breath hitched as he addressed Allison and I started thrashing against Stiles again. I couldn’t let her get hurt. I couldn’t let anyone else I care about become one of his victims. “Apologize. Say you’re sorry for decimating my family, for leaving me burned and broken for six years. Say it, and I’ll let her live.”

A tense moment of silence passed as Kate seemed to weigh her options. Finally, she choked the words out the best she could. “I’m...sorry.” 

A small, satisfied smile tugged at Peter’s lips before he ripped her throat out with his claws. My jaw dropped as blood splattered across every nearby surface, my stomach churning at the violence of it all. Allison screamed, practically doubling over in horror as Kate crumpled to the porch with wide, empty eyes. Peter’s shoulders sagged as he let out a long sigh, a look of relief washing over him. 

“I don’t know about you, Allison, but that apology didn’t sound very sincere.” His amused gaze bored into her wide, glistening eyes as he stalked down the steps.

By the time he had one foot on the dirt ground, Scott and Derek were crouched in front of her protectively. I hadn’t even noticed that Derek was still alive, let alone completely healed, but I was more than grateful. 

“Run.” Scott grunted over his shoulder, and she didn’t hesitate to listen. 

She sprinted toward me and Stiles, taking her bow with her, and immediately crumpled into my arms. A harsh sob wracked her body as I pulled her in tight. I felt Stiles’ hand on my back as he guided us hastily toward his Jeep. A few animalistic growls and roars sounded from behind us, and I knew they were fighting.

“I’m sorry.” Allison cried, pulling away from me to wipe at her face. “I’m so, so sorry. I-I didn’t know what happened with you and Lydia, and now Kate’s gone and—oh my God. I’m the worst friend ever.” 

Stiles wrenched the passenger door open when we reached the car and I shoved Allison inside before crawling in behind her. Something snapped behind us, and I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d just uprooted a tree or completely destroyed the house. 

“It’s okay.” I breathed, running a hand down Allison’s back as she continued blubbering. “We’re both terrible friends, honestly.”

“Wait.” She suddenly perked up, her eyes widening in horror. “My dad.”

Damnit. I‘d completely forgotten about him. 

I turned to peer out the window and winced as Peter picked Derek up by the ankle and tossed him through the air. He crashed into Scott, who was trying to pull himself upright a few feet away, bringing him right back down harshly. 

Peter snarled, seemingly losing control as he hunched over and shifted fully into a huge, terrifying beast. He roared loudly, baring his claws and stalking forward. He grabbed Derek by the throat and threw him into a nearby tree before turning back to Scott. 

“I have to do something.” Stiles suddenly spoke up from the front seat. My head whipped in his direction as he threw open the driver’s side door and clambered onto the ground. 

“What? No!” I immediately tumbled out behind him and watched with baited breath as he reached into the trunk. 

My brows furrowed as I caught sight of a huge beaker in his hand. I barely had time to register that here was a yellow liquid swirling inside before he hurled it at Peter. As it flew toward him, I realized it was a Molotov cocktail, like the one Lydia showed us how to make when we were stuck inside the school. Peter caught it easily, his glowing red eyes snapping our way with a ferocious growl. 

“Oh, damn...” Stiles instantly deflated and took a tentative step back. 

My eyes widened as I whipped back around to face Allison, an idea suddenly popping into my head. She seemed to know exactly what I was thinking as she reached for her bow and instantly nocked the arrow into place. After taking only a moment to aim it out the opened window, she fired. 

It hit the glass bottle dead center, and Peter’s left arm erupted in flames. He roared frantically and tried shaking the fire off, only managing to make it spread across his torso more quickly. Soon, his entire body was ablaze as he staggered around and howled in agony. 

After a few long, torturous moments, he slumped down onto his knees in his human form. Thick smoke billowed from his charred skin as he sputtered and gasped for air. We all stood impossibly still, gaping at him in horror. I don’t think any of us had the slightest idea of what to do next.

Derek suddenly emerged from the house, his face a tight mask of fury. He stalked toward Peter, who now lay on his back, and stood over him with clenched fists. 

“Wait!” Scott rose to his feet and stopped only a foot away from them, his eyes wide with panic. Derek’s hard glare never moved an inch. “You said the cure comes from the one who bit you. If you do this, I’m dead. What am I supposed to do?”

My attention snapped back toward him, surprised at his words. There was a cure? I had no idea what he was talking about, but it must’ve been important if he was this freaked out over it. 

Derek’s eyes pinched shut and his jaw clenched tightly. He hesitated for only a brief moment before raising a clawed hand in the air. 

“Wait! N-no! Don’t!” Scott's desperate plea fell on deaf ears as Derek brought his hand down to slash Peter’s throat. 

Allison gasped from beside me, and I just stared ahead with wide eyes. My breath caught in my throat as I watched yet another person’s life fade away right in front of me. It was almost hard to believe, that he was actually dead. We’d all been through so much. It didn’t seem possible that it could all be over, just like that. 

There had to be more.

Derek staggered to his feet and turned to glower at Scott over his shoulder. His canines elongated and his eyes flashed bright red before he uttered the words we were all dreading. The ones that would seal our fate for the foreseeable future. 

“I’m the alpha now.”

Episode 11 Season 2, Episode 1 (Part One)

[alj4890]

And Then I Left You

(Thomas Hunt x oc*Amanda) in a “what if” version to the RCD/TRR fan fic And Then I Met You Series

A/N Sorry for the delay. Life has just been off these last few weeks. This chapter is loooonnnggg, LOL. It was actually going to be longer, but I knew I couldn’t do that to everyone. Anyway, lets allow these two some time alone.

@krsnlove​ @my-heart-beats-for-ya @aworldoffandoms @flyawayboo  @trappedinfanfiction @everythingmarvelsherlockspn  @sophxwithers @kate-mckenzie @twinkleallnight

Masterlist

Chapter 8 Alone At Last

After all the uncertainty followed by being unable to find consistent moments alone, Amanda and Thomas were at last set free of worry.

Well, mostly.

They had to behave as friends when out amongst the small towns they stopped along their way to different historical sights. Though those moments forced them to keep their distance, neither tempered their soft spoken words.

Thomas had worried that first day how they would handle the hotel situations he believed they were bound to encounter. He had gotten used to Olivia's secret passageways allowing him to see Amanda whenever he wanted.

He should have known that the intelligent lady he adored had already solved that problem.

Pulling onto a gravel road, she drove him toward a cottage that sat alone in a rolling meadow dotted here and there with trees. The two-story, thatched roof building sat amidst large Cordonian oak trees. Roses twined around a drain pipe while wisteria grew in wild abandon adding even more beauty to the rough stone walls.

"I know we could stay somewhere different with each place we visit," Amanda explained. "But then I thought we could stay our entire time somewhere in the middle of it all. It will mean more driving each day, but we will have nothing but privacy here."

Thomas stepped out and followed her inside. The cottage was just as charming on the inside as it was on the outside. Much of the furniture was designed strictly for comfort and a few for whimsy. The wooden floors creaked with each step as he explored the different rooms.

Upstairs, there were two bedrooms directly across from one another with a bathroom dividing them.

His lips curved at knowing he wouldn't have to find a way to sneak around and see her whenever they weren't out in public.

"What do you think?" She asked, a bit nervous from his silence.

"It's charming." He set his arms around her waist. "And perfect for our needs."

She relaxed and wound her arms around his neck. "I hoped you would like it. We will stay here for most of the week before going to St Orella. Then we'll have a few days to ourselves there before I have to travel to Applewood."

"Before we travel to Applewood." He pressed a kiss to her lips. "I've decided to postpone filming until after Liam's Coronation."

"You have?" Her eyes widened. "Why?"

"By the time everyone gets here and settled, it will be just a couple of weeks before the end of the social season." Thomas explained. "I went ahead and told Holly to tell the others. Chris has already expressed his thanks since he and Sharon are still getting used to taking care of an infant. Ryan is still completing the last leg of his publicity tour of his last film and is grateful for not being rushed from one side of the world to another. Everyone else had nothing they needed to do that would rush the production."

"Oh." She smiled softly. "Just how long are you intending on being in Cordonia, Mr. Hunt?"

"As long as I can." He murmured, kissing her again. "If that meets with your approval."

"It does." She smiled against his lips before pulling away. "We should go get our things and unpack."

Thomas followed her downstairs as she told him that she had called ahead and had groceries delivered. She had thought of everything to make their time free of anything tedious they didn't want to have to worry about.

That evening, she pulled a map out during dinner and spread it between them.

"Over here is where the old abbey is that Arthur and Reginald had their duel. Then to the south, is..."

Thomas relaxed back in his chair as she continued to point out the places of interest to him. His attention remained on her face animated in excitement to show him these different pieces of her family history. His mind though focused on things other than the film.

Knowing this time alone would be his only chance at truly romancing her without the need of her pretending to want Liam, he wanted to make every moment memorable for her. Something was needed that would remain on her mind during the tedious dinners, balls, and teas she would have to take part in.

He also hoped this time together settled some personal decisions of his own concerning her.

"Am I boring you?"

"No. Not at all." He took her hand in his. "Forgive me, I was lost in thought."

She squeezed his hand then folded the map up. "Tomorrow we can drive to the Abbey and have a picnic. The weather should be pleasant and--"

A startled laugh escaped her lips when he yanked her into his lap. One hand slipped around her waist while the other tangled in her hair, urging her into a heated kiss.

Their eyes met when they slowly pulled apart.

"Why don't we take this-"

His phone began to ring.

Amanda eased out of his lap. "While you see who that is, I'll clear the table."

Groaning in resignation, he left to find his phone and see who would call him at such a moment.

"Hey!" Addison's cheery voice made him cringe. "I was wondering if it's okay that I come in a couple of weeks to compare my sketches and finished costumes to those paintings in Amanda's gallery."

"It's fine." He grumbled. "Now good--"

"How is everything going?" Holly spoke up before he could end the cal.

His eyes narrowed at being on speakerphone. "Is anyone else there?"

"Just me." Shannon said in a please don't be irritated tone. "I brought the baby by for a visit."

"I see." He bit out. "Everything is fine."

"Is it?" Addison persisted. "You haven't told us how things are going with Amanda."

"Did she ever speak to you again?" Shannon sheepishly asked.

"I can't tell if he's angry for us calling or angry because things aren't going like he wants." Holly complained to them.

"The former." He bit out.

Addison squealed softly. "So you and Amanda are together?"

"In a way." He glanced down the hall where he could hear water running and dishes clattering. "Her being a suitor has forced us to keep our relationship a secret."

"Oh thank goodness!" He could hear Addison dramatically dropping on a sofa. "After seeing all the pictures with her and Liam, I was afraid she had refused to even speak to you."

He hesitated and decided not to explain how difficult that truly had been. "If that is all, I will hang up now."

"Why?" Holly asked. "Are you on a date?"

"As a matter of fact, I am and will be this week as well. With Liam's help we were able to escape the court for some location scouting." He cleared his throat when he heard the water shut off. "Goodbye ladies."

"Wait!” Addison yelled out. “We need details!”

“How much longer until you guys can be out in the open?” Shannon added.

“Are you--”

Thomas jerked the phone away from his ear when Shannon’s infant let out an irritated cry. While the three were distracted with trying to calm the tiny girl, he ended the call.

He set his phone on silent. He didn't trust Addison or Holly and now he found that Shannon belonged in that same group. He had no doubt their curiosity would get the best of them or they would feel the need to offer unwanted advice and call within the next hour. He was determined that these few days he had with Amanda be focused solely on romance.

He knew she had it in her head that they needed to tour every single place. He had not had the heart to tell her that just by looking at her photos that he knew he would have an easy time filming at each location. He merely used seeing them in person as an excuse to spend time with her away from court.

He thought it was endearingly her that she was so ready to help him.

Thomas looked up when he heard her footsteps.

Amanda smiled at him as she set a tray down on a small table. "I thought you might like a cup of coffee."

His eyebrow raised when he saw the bottle of whiskey.

"Just in case you would like a cup of Irish coffee." She explained while preparing her teacup.

Her smile grew when he ignored the coffee pot and instead wrapped his arms around her. His lips skated down her neck causing her to have to fight back a shiver.

"Would you like me to fix you a cup?" She asked, biting down on her lip when he kissed up to her ear.

"Yes, please." He stepped back. "Just black coffee."

Amanda glanced back at him. "Are you planning on staying up late?"

His eyes drifted down her body before lifting once more to hers. "Yes, I am."

The heat rising up her neck and cheeks brought a smile to his face.

She cleared her throat and handed him his cup. Her own smile was warm when he motioned for her to sit next to him.

Thomas lifted his arm so she could settle closer. With little encouragement, she turned somewhat away from him so that she could rest her head back against him while curling her legs under her. The two relaxed and enjoyed the peaceful solitude similar to the ones they used to enjoy in California.

Thomas let his arm drape down to settle across her waist while pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He couldn't help but think that this was one of the things that he himself had been guilty daydreaming about. There were so many nights when he and Amanda would watch a movie or simply relax with a drink of some sort, yet had kept their distance from one another.

He had feared losing her if he stepped beyond the friendship line. To now know that she had felt the same made him wonder what would have happened if he had pulled her close one of those nights.

Their peace was interrupted by a sound of rolling thunder followed by the skies opening up.

Amanda eased out of his arms and peeked out from behind one of the curtains.

"There goes our picnic plans for the abbey." She mumbled. Turning back to Thomas, she grimaced. "I'm sorry. Many of the roads that lead there sometimes flood. We--"

"Then we'll go another day." He reassured her with a slight shrug. "I'm in no hurry as I explained earlier."

"About that," Amanda returned back to her spot beside him. "What made you decide to postpone? I know we've had to wait on Ryan, but you could have shot some scenes that he isn't in. Was it your idea or did the others talk you into it?"

Thomas took a sip of his coffee. "It was my idea."

Amanda propped her elbow on the back of the sofa and set her chin on her fist while studying him. "Yes, but what made you think of it?"

His expression was one of humored exasperation as he met her eyes. "Why do you think?"

She lowered her lashes. "Surely you didn't because of me."

"I did." He corrected.

Her brow furrowed as she looked up once more. "Thomas, you didn't have to change your plans simply because I would have to leave and travel with the court." She set her teacup down and reached for his hand. "I can always do a rewrite wherever I am if you need it and find a way to get it to you."

"You think I postponed the film for rewrites?" He couldn't believe this was her first thought. He clearly had more work to do than he originally thought to alter her view of how he viewed her.

"Didn't you?" Her brow furrowed when she noticed his brief flash of irritation. "I know it isn't because you're afraid that I'll end up falling for Liam or anything like that."

"No. I do not fear you will fall for a handsome, truly kind prince who could give you everything." He grumbled.

Her eyes widened at his tone. "Thomas?"

He turned toward her, mimicking her posture by resting his head against his hand. His dark eyes settled on meeting her slightly narrowed in concern stare with one of his own.

"I know if you felt anything for Liam," he began, "that you wouldn't have made any attempt to have a relationship with me."

He glanced down when she laced her fingers with his, giving a gentle squeeze of encouragement.

His lips curved slightly as spoke. "I want to be with you."

She smiled at him. "I want to be with you too."

He lifted their clasped hands to brush a kiss to her knuckles. "You don't understand. I don't want to be apart from you anymore than I have to."

She stilled. "What are you saying?"

He scooted a bit closer. His free hand lifted to her cheek. His thumb brushed the corner of her mouth

"What I'm trying to say is that I will wait however long for whatever amount of time you can give me each day." He explained.

Amanda merely stared at him as the full meaning struck her.

He loves me that much to ignore his passion for filmmaking in the hopes of having a few minutes here and there in secret with me while I am forced to pursue another man.

Of all the gestures or words he could have spoken, this particular one took her breath away. She had lived with him, seen his ever growing excitement, witnessed his work ethic, and had listened to more stories of his life as a director to realize that this was not only a huge sacrifice on his part, but also one that he had made without hesitation.

She had thought she didn't have anymore of her heart left to lose, yet he had found a way to steal it all completely once again.

"You don't mind that I wish to attend the rest of the court events and coronation, do you?"

Amanda could detect the worry in what was usually his confident tone.

Unable to find the appropriate words, she shook her head while leaning forward to kiss him.

His hands cupped her face, holding her steady as he returned her passionate response with his own.

She broke away. Her breathing a touch accelerated from the rush of feelings his touch caused.

He lifted his eyes to hers. "I love you, Amanda." He gently pulled her over to straddle his lap when she said she loved him too. "I don't want to say goodnight to you tonight."

She could feel her heart thudding in her ears. Swallowing, she briefly lowered her eyes. "I...neither do I."

Biting her bottom lip, she forced herself to see how he took her confession.

The look in his eyes caused her heart to triple in beat.

A surprised laugh burst from her lips as he quickly ushered her upstairs. The two stumbled into one of the bedrooms, shutting the door behind them. Thomas had left a small lamp on earlier, casting the room in a warm glow.

A soft smile graced his face when he tugged her back in his arms.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked when he simply held her.

"How happy I am whenever I'm with you." Thomas admitted. "Even before we crossed over into romantic territory, just being near you was enough to improve my mood."

"I've felt the same way for a long time." She cupped his cheek, feeling the sparks down to her toes when he placed a lingering kiss to her palm.

Each kiss and caress that followed grew more passionate as they tumbled to the bed. Thomas gazed down at her at one point. The intensity of the emotions he felt with being with her in a way he had only dreamed of had taken him by surprise.

Noticing his movements had stilled, Amanda breathlessly asked him what was wrong.

"Nothing at all." He simply knew in that moment that she was all he wanted, all he would ever want. "I--" he closed his eyes briefly when she instinctively shifted against him.

Her fingers trailed up and down his back while she waited, trying to be patient with this unexpected break.

His mouth claimed hers when he noticed she seemed to be ready to question him once more. He wasn't able to think how to adequately tell her all the feelings she caused. He hoped he could simply show her what his heart was trying to say.

"Thomas?" She bit her lip when he removed her shirt. "There's something I should tell you."

He trailed kisses down her neck. "Hmm?"

"I've never, that is to say..." Amanda stared up at the ceiling. "I mean, why would I? Ladies of the court are expected to behave a certain way and my family has a tradition of love matches and..." She knew she was making a complete mess out of her explanation. "I never..."

Thomas lifted his head. "Never what?"

Her eyes met his heated gaze. She gestured weakly between them. "Done this before."

There was no possible way he could have concealed his shock. "You haven't?" He didn't know how it was possible.

"Well, like I said..." She sighed as she felt the blush rise up her neck and cheeks. "I was taught that my reputation should be maintained and I knew that only love could tempt me into this."

Thomas propped himself up on his side while listening to her.

His undivided attention was making this seem so much more awkward.

Amanda swallowed and felt pressed to explain. "I had crushes, dates, and all. And there were a couple of times I thought it might be love...but not enough to make me engage in...sex."

"We don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with." Thomas managed to say. He reached for the shirt he had just removed. "I don't want you to feel any pressure to--"

She slid her body on top of his, causing his breath to catch at the feeling of her skin against him.

"I'm in love with you." She muttered against his lips. "Knowing you feel the same way makes me want to get as close to you as I can."

He could see the vulnerability in her eyes.

"The only reason I thought I should tell you was in case I'm not," she averted her gaze, "in case I'm not very good at it."

"You will be perfect." He wrapped his arms around her. "You don't have to worry about any of that." 

He rolled them over and captured her lips in another heated kiss. Within moments they lost once more in the other. Every touch, every sensation seemed so much more perfect since they knew they had the other's heart for their own. There was no shyness, no hesitation, as they held tight to one another with every wave of pleasure that washed over them.

*****************

Thomas couldn't turn his mind off that night. He held Amanda close as she slept, allowing his hand to drift up and down her bare back in lazy caresses.

Something had happened when they made love.

His original plans for when she was done with this suitor mess had become obsolete.

And all because of his heart.

He hadn't expected to lose it completely. He had known his feelings for her were more intense than they had been over anyone else, but this...this was new. So different. So absolutely certain.

He didn't merely want a relationship with her anymore. He wanted her for the rest of his life. He needed her and her love to be his. There was only one situation where that could happen given their lifestyles and location of their residences.

I am going to have to marry her.

*****************

The next few days were spent with the two taking long drives to some of the smaller towns of Cordonia. Thomas listened to the stories she sprinkled in involving herself and either her family or friends. He found himself enjoying seeing this new side to her.

Gone was the stiff and proper duchess that had been present during every court event. She had been relaxed to a certain extent in California, so seeing her in Cordonia as a noble had been a bit of a shock for Thomas. Now that they had a chance to be a real couple, she seemed even more content and at ease around him when they were alone. Her laid back demeanor and humor that continuously brought a smile or chuckle from him had enchanted him.

There were even more surprises in store for the two. Amanda had let all her barriers down. Thomas realized during that he had done the same thing. It hadn't been a conscious decision. Something about her continued to drive him to being whatever was needed to win her over.

The sites they visited were deemed perfect for their film, yet if asked what he would remember most from their travels he would have to say that it was his time alone with her either in the car or in their cottage. They were able to talk about anything or simply sit in silence while reading or watching a movie. The rest of their time was enjoying the closeness that continued to evolve between them. It was something neither ever wanted to lose.

*****************

A few days later...

"Pick up." Olivia muttered when she heard the third ring go unanswered.

"Hello?" Amanda's sleepy voice croaked.

"Turn on your television." Olivia ordered.

"What?" Amanda sat up and blinked. "Why?"

"Do it." Olivia muttered as she hung up.

"What's wrong?" Thomas muttered into his pillow.

"I'm not sure." Amanda reached over him for the remote control.

She turned it on one of Cordonia's news station.

"...for those just tuning in, King Constantine has announced that he will be stepping down at the end of next month." A reporter said while rushing over to where Liam stood.

"Your highness?" He yelled out, "How does it feel knowing that at the end of your social season, you will be crowned king?"

"Which of the ladies do you think is most prepared to be queen?" Another yelled out.

Liam held his hands up to quiet all the questions being thrown at him. Riley stood beside him, blinking at the flashes of lights from photographers.

"Oh no." Amanda mumbled. "Poor Liam."

"What does this mean?" Thomas asked.

"It means that Liam has more stress than before." Amanda explained. "He has barely had a moment to come to terms to being our next king. Now he's pressured to choose a wife who will have to immediately step into the role of queen."

She slumped back against her pillows. "This announcement might make him hesitate in picking Riley."

"Why do you think that?" Thomas pulled her into his embrace.

"Leo's abdication has made the royal family appear weak, at least in some people's opinion. Liam has never had to be tested before since he was only the spare to the heir." She explained. "Now he isn't able to show what he is capable of, leadership wise, before taking the crown since he has to participate in this ridiculous queen choosing tradition." She huffed in irritation. "Now he'll stress over choosing a woman who can easily slip into the role of queen without a chance to learn what all that entails."

Thomas frowned somewhat. "And you don't think Riley can do that?"

"She probably could. With Regina there to help train her, I don't see why she wouldn't be a good queen." Amanda's brow furrowed. "The question is this: is Liam willing to put her through that." She snuggled closer into his embrace as she tried to think what Liam would do. "If they had more time alone together, then he would be able to discuss this with Riley and see how she feels about that aspect of marrying him."

Thomas pressed a kiss to the top of her head. After coming to his own decision about marriage, he too hoped that Liam wouldn't base his choice on anything other than his heart.

"Is there anything we can do?"

Amanda looked up at him, a teasing smile on her lips. "Why Mr. Hunt, are you planning on playing matchmaker?"

"No." He pressed a kiss to her lips. "But given everything Liam has done for us, I would like to find a way to repay him."

***********************

Back at the marina...

"Come with me." Olivia whispered.

Drake barely had a chance to catch his balance as she dragged him toward the docks.

"What are we doing?" He asked once they were out of earshot of the crowd.

"We are going to make certain that Riley impresses Constantine." She stopped him between her catamaran and the Beaumont's monohulled craft.

"We?" He folded his arms. "How are we to do this?"

"By Riley winning the race." She mimicked his stance with a slight irritated tilt to her lips. "You know how impressed the king is with anyone that can sail a boat."

"Yeah, but how are we doing that?" He repeated.

"Bertrand somehow lost his crew." Olivia checked over her shoulder to make certain no one was coming their way. "You will help Maxwell, Riley, and I assume Nadia can at least remain upright long enough to not be in the way, to win this race."

"You expect me and Maxwell to beat out not only your crew but everyone else with a full staff?" His eyes widened. "Liv, your vessel defeats everyone it has gone up against."

"I know." Her smug smirk briefly flashed. "That's why I too will be short a few crew members to help even the odds somewhat." Her eyes narrowed in thought. "We have to make it look like I'm winning until the last second."

She refocused on Drake. "After Constantine's announcement, he will be critically studying all the ladies he doesn't know well."

Drake's stance eased. "Brooks needs every chance to impress him before the Coronation."

"Exactly." Olivia gestured toward the schooner named, Squidsters' Paradise. "Quickly, get on board and be waiting on them."

Drake grinned at her. "I can't believe you're willing to throw the race for Riley."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not doing it for her, I'm doing it for Liam." She huffed while boarding her own, Knife's Edge. "She's what he wants."

"I still think you are developing a soft spot for her." Drake called out.

"Whatever." She grumbled.

He chuckled at the insults she would occasionally say loud enough for him to hear while checking the rigging.

********************

Back at the cottage...

"The American won! A thrilled Lady Riley Brooks proved once again why she is a favorite among Prince Liam's suitors. She with only the assistance of Sir Drake Walker and Lord and Lady Beaumont, surprised everyone when she passed Duchess Olivia's boat. Prince Liam was witnessed beaming as he and King Constantine hurried over to congratulate her. After the break, we will hear from our panel about the number of Regatta winners who have then gone on to be the chosen spouse by the crown's heir."

Amanda looked up from packing to catch a few shots of Liam and Riley.

Thomas paused in his when he noticed her still. He then saw what she did.

Liam couldn't hide at all how much he adored Riley.

"At least when the court comes to St Orella, I can put them in rooms close to each other's." Amanda said. "If they are placed in my family wing then they won't have to worry about any other suitors interrupting them."

"How many rooms are in this family wing of yours?" Thomas asked.

"There's my chambers," she counted on her fingers. "Then the gray room, which is held for the king and queen. The blue room. That is usually Liam's." Her brow furrowed. "Maxwell and Nadia will need the green one I think for more space. Olivia usually takes the cream and gold one for the views from the balcony. Drake claimed the teal one years ago." She glanced up at Thomas. "I had planned on placing you in the burgundy room next to mine, if you would like."

"I would."

"Good." Her smile was warm. "I'll put Riley in between Maxwell and Drake's rooms." Her brow furrowed again. "I hope she doesn't mind the color lavender. That was my mother's favorite and reason she decorated the room that way."

"How long will it take to drive to St Orella from here?"

"About six and a half hours."

********************

St Orella...

After a lengthy tour of the massive estate, Thomas knew that there was no other place he needed to see to film. Part of the castle was used as a museum of sorts with many rooms remaining as they were centuries ago. The ballroom held him spellbound as he took in the beauty of the honey colored floors, gleaming in the light from the crystal chandeliers.

While he took in the gilded aesthetics, Amanda finalized decisions with her butler and housekeeper for when the court would arrive.

"We will be at Applewood for about eleven days." She explained. "I'll return as early as I can to help finish up preparations." She handed over her lists for menus for each day along with room assignments and seating charts. "If there is anything either of you notice that needs to be done, please don't hesitate to remedy it or to call me." A bright smile graced her lips. "I trust both of you to handle whatever happens."

Thomas watched the two servants puff up with pride as they reassured their mistress that all would be made perfect for her.

Once they were alone, Amanda turned toward him and held her hand out.

"Where are we going?" He asked as he allowed her to pull him along.

"To one of my favorite rooms." She winked at him. "I think you'll approve."

He chuckled at her trying to be cryptic. "I've seen your library." He lowered his voice as they passed by where some servants were working. "And your bedroom."

Amanda couldn't suppress her laughter. "This is something else entirely."

She led him back into one of the drawing rooms filled with antiques and priceless works of art. Her fingers felt along the engravings of flowers and leaves along the fireplace mantle then pressed on a nearby wall.

A doorway was created.

Thomas quirked an eyebrow in silent question.

Taking his hand again, Amanda led him into a dark hidden room. With a flip of a switch, he saw that it was a large theater room decorated in the style of the early 1930's.

"I read that one of my ancestors fell in love with a producer from Hollywood. They used to hold private screenings and wild parties during the beginning of talking pictures."

Thomas took in the large screen, blood red curtains, and decorations that seemed to have been left over from that bygone era.

Amanda wound her arms wound his neck while a smile played about her lips. "Would you like to have a movie date in here, Mr. Hunt?" Her fingers slipped into his hair when he kissed her. "I know it isn't quite like a movie theater, but we--"

"It's better than one." He interrupted. "Because here I can have you all to myself."

"Does this mean you will go out with me?" She teased.

"Yes." He managed to say before they heard a throat clear.

Her butler kept his eyes averted. "Dinner is ready, your grace."

"Thank you, Hudson." Amanda eased out of Thomas's arms. "Shall we, Mr. Hunt?"

He offered his arm as the two walked towards her dining room.

*********************

The next morning, Thomas left Amanda sleeping and headed into the small nearby town.

He walked past numerous charming shops and eateries that had yet to open until he came to the one that Hudson promised would both meet his needs and be discreet. Knocking on the door with the sign still saying that they were closed, he tried to be patient as he waited on the proprietor he had spoken with earlier.

"Mr. Hunt?" A middle aged woman greeted him. "Welcome. Please do come in."

"Thank you." He looked about at the many glass cases showcasing various pieces of jewelry.

It wasn't quite the quality of selection he was hoping to find.

"If you'll just come this way," the woman gestured toward a back door. "I think you'll find this to be more what you described.

Another room of similar size was hidden with displays of larger, more glittering gemstones. A standing safe sat against one wall, which was soon opened by the woman's balding husband.

Necklaces, rings, bracelets, and earrings sat upon velvet padded trays.

Thomas nodded in approval as he searched for just the right engagement ring.

Each one was carefully studied while the couple explained the carat and type.

And then Thomas found it. He knew as soon as he saw it that it was the one meant for his duchess. The six carat cushion diamond ring was perfect. The gold band had an old fashioned sense to it and had diamonds all along it.

The irony of the princess cut diamond was not lost on him and knew it would make her laugh.

After all, she was willing to give up a chance with a prince for him.

He returned to St Orella before Amanda had awakened. With a plan forming, Thomas decided to leave the ring hidden in his guest room. With Hudson's assistance, he hid it in a small dresser drawer that could be locked. Though he wanted to ask her right away, he thought he should at least discuss it with Liam and see how they should go about this.

Thomas then decided he would ask Amanda to marry him the night of her ball.

********************

Applewood...

"I'll see you at dinner." Amanda mumbled as she was separated from Thomas at the top of the stairs.

He nodded with a slight frown forming as he was led in the opposite direction from her. He knew once they were back with the court that they would have to revert to their friendship status. He hadn't expected it to affect him so severely. He knew these next few weeks would be difficult to endure.

It seemed that either the king or queen had decided to assign rooms according to rank.

Amanda's brow furrowed when she was taken down a vaguely familiar hallway, one she hadn't been placed in since she was a young teenager. Often when she would visit Liam here, he allowed her to pick the room she wanted. She usually chose one that lay to the north and had views of the apple orchards that dotted Applewood's rolling hills.

This time she was placed in one on the far side of the estate with a view of the hedge maze. Her luggage was brought in while a maid gave her an update on the evening's dinner plans.

Amanda left her door open once she dismissed the maid in the hopes of seeing just who her neighbors would be.

Her eyes widened somewhat when the king paused in her doorway on the way to his own chambers which were a few doors down from hers.

"Ah, your grace." He smiled at her. "You were greatly missed these last few weeks."

She curtsied. "You are too kind, your majesty." Her answering smile couldn't hide her excitement. "But the absence was well worth it. Mr. Hunt is convinced he can successfully film everything here."

"Good." He beamed at her. "I look forward to hearing his ideas." He left her doorway and knocked on the one next to hers.

"I have a surprise for you." She could hear him say.

The next moment she saw a slightly bemused Liam peek inside her room.

Instead of their normal way of greeting one another, they both fell back to their formal manners as Constantine observed them.

"Welcome back, my lady." Liam flashed a brief grin at her. "I hope your trip around Cordonia was successful."

"It was, thank you."

Constantine chuckled. "I'll leave you two alone to talk."

Once they heard his door close, the two relaxed.

Liam came inside and shut her door. "Now, how did it really go?"

"Perfect." Amanda sighed. "I loved every moment we had alone together."

He hugged her. "That was what I hoped for the two of you."

"What about you and a certain American?" She teased. "Any special time alone?"

"A few." He admitted before grimacing. "I assume you heard the news." He slumped back onto a small sofa. "What a mess this has turned into."

"I saw it on the news." She sat down next to him. "Don't let your father's decision affect your choice."

"Amanda, you and I both know that it will affect it whether I wish it to or not." He rubbed his hands over his face. "Father has spent more time than usual in pointing out which ladies should be on my final list."

"Oh." A slight frown firmed on her lips. "Is Riley on the list?"

"Yes, but only because I pointed out to him how much the people adore her like they did my mother." He turned toward her. "What am I to do? She has never experienced any of the pressures of ruling, but I..."

"You...?" She prompted after a few beats of silence.

"I believe she would be an amazing queen." He said softly. "Her compassion and loyalty would be what the people of Cordonia could always depend on."

"Not to mention keeping their king happy." Amanda pointed out.

Liam snorted in his laughter. "Yes, they would definitely have a more pleasant ruler if I was free to choose her."

"As I recall, you are the one who will be given ultimate power here." She reminded him. "I think that goes along with choosing the lady you care for the most."

"It's more than caring." Heat slowly went up the back of his neck and ears. "I think I'm in love with Riley."

"Then your choice is made." Amanda relaxed back against the cushions and nudged him with her elbow. "I know you have to wait until the end of this social season to tell the world, but I don't see any harm in you enjoying the fact that you have found your queen."

"I wish I had more opportunities to speak with her alone and make certain this is a life she can live happily." His eyes narrowed as he stared off in the distance. "I don't want her to feel pressured into accepting my proposal."

"No chance of finding time here?" She asked.

"Not with Father and Regina inviting senior members of the court to speak to me about their views and such."

Amanda looked about her room. "Where is Riley's room?"

"On the far side, where Drake's room is." He grimaced. "I overheard Father say to Regina that I needed to be reminded of the other suitors vying for my hand."

"Oh." A thought occurred to Amanda. She got up and walked over to a bookcase. She felt around along the top of the third shelf.

"What are you doing?" Liam asked.

"Seeing if I remember this room correctly. If I'm not mistaken, we used to--" she heard a click. "Aha!"

Stepping back, she swung the bookcase toward her room, revealing another door.

"Remember how Drake never could figure out how you and I always managed to win hide and seek together when stuck indoors?" She asked.

Liam's dawning smile was her answer.

"Wait here." He ordered on his way out of the room.

The second door opened, revealing his chambers.

"This is perfect." Amanda whispered, motioning him back into her room. "I'll simply switch rooms with Riley each night once everyone's asleep. Then, we can switch again before everyone wakes up that way your father won't be insulted that we rearranged our rooms."

Liam's eyes widened. "You would give up sleep?"

She laughed with a nod. "I would for you." She took his hand. "You were the one to not only convince Thomas to come here for me, but in finding us ways to be alone." She squeezed his hand. "The least I can do is give you and Riley a chance to be alone in here so that you can decide on your future together."

Liam hugged her tight. "Thank you." He shook his head. "I don't have the words of how much this means to me."

"You don't need them." She patted his back. "Now then. I'm going to go find her and share our plan." She opened up her door and peeped out. "We'll keep this a secret from everyone."

Once she saw that the hallways were busy with members of the court being placed in their rooms, she managed to disappear in the mad shuffle on her way to fix this situation.

[hopevalley]

Season 8, Episode 9: Pre-Wedding Jitters

Y’all know what’s wild? The season is coming to a close! I feel like we just got started with Season 8, and it’s already nearly over. I’m not ready for things to end...except the love triangle. Lol.

One important thing I want to talk about, before we move on to my regularly scheduled episode write-up, of course, is the quality of the writing and filming this season. I really feel like the team took a step back and thought very carefully about how to improve the show, and then they went through the effort of actively trying to improve things. 

Are there still badly-written areas of the show? Absolutely. Are there things I loathe seeing? Yes. Are there plotlines that are extremely contrived even by Hallmark standards? Unfortunately there are.

But I don’t think anyone can deny that the writing this season is, overall, an improvement over Seasons 5, 6, and 7. The only thing that I feel about S8 that is worse than 5/6/7 is the love triangle, but it had to come to a head eventually so it was always going to be a point of contention among the fans.

I’ve seen a ton of negativity going around the Internet, and you are all entitled to your opinions, but let’s hold back from being too angry until we see how things will work out. After all, there is a chance, however small, that Hallmark will end up surprising us.

So here’s to hoping that the writing quality uptick will continue as we move into Season 9.

And now, our plotlines from this episode:

The Dilapidated Love Triangle

The Wedding Planning/Party

The New & Improved Henry Gowen

Miscellaneous (Car Investigation, pastor position/Jesse and Clara + Cafe, Carson and Faith, Mike and Fiona)

This was another episode that felt pretty smooth in its storytelling; it had some smaller plots going on, but two primarily large plots, a smaller one that revolved around Henry, and then a few small (connected) plots from previous episodes/that overarched the whole season!

Sorry for the muddle by the way, it took me hours to type this and I’m too tired to read it over thoroughly before posting. If you see any glaring issues please let me know so I can fix them, though!

--

The Dilapidated Love Triangle

Let’s just get the pig slop out of the way, shall we? I think we are all in some sort of agreement by now that we’re tired of the triangle and just want to see it resolved as soon as possible so that we can get on with our lives and invest our interests in the right place(s). 

I also believe most of us are also in some kind of agreement, however we feel about the characters, the triangle, and who Elizabeth’s choice should be, that this thing has been very poorly paced. This sentiment seems to be echoed across the Internet right now. The pacing is AWFUL. After two years of almost nothing happening, now we’re going to bullrush to the end of the triangle? That’s a yikes from me, Chief. (Wait, didn’t I say that last week, too?)

I was never a fan of the narrated beginnings of episodes. I think they’re really tacky and boring. That said, there’s no other way to get into Elizaeth’s head easily because...I don’t know. Either Erin isn’t that skilled or the director doesn’t know how to direct her, or the script sucks. They struggle SO MUCH with show-don’t-tell that they have to resort to telling...which is fine, sometimes. This is an instance where telling is just mega redundant since she says the same exact thing probably 10 more times in the episode. I wish they’d have just kept the first part of the reflection or focused more on that—how Nathan talking about it...makes it feel fresh and raw again in a way she didn’t expect.

Anyway, Elizabeth writing that she’s been “left to reflect, once more, on the senseless accident that took [Jack’s] life” is ridiculous. Senseless? He was in charge of the training mission, but unless I’m losing every last marble I’ve ever had, wasn’t it Jack’s choice to go after the younger recruits who had been separated? Wasn’t it thanks to Jack’s quick thinking and intervention that only one person lost his life that day (Jack himself)? 

This is where the whole “Jack died heroically” thing kind of matters, actually. Especially when you butt it up against Nathan being the original person intended to go. Would he have risked his life like that? We’ll never know, but I’m sure Nathan thinks about it a lot, and it’s not something that should be left out of this story.

It’s valid for Elizabeth to wonder why Nathan kept the Secret hidden from her for almost three years, but what is really troublesome is the weird shift she seems to have between Casual Curiosity and Stricken Grief about it.

I grew tired of mopey Elizabeth in S4 and 5, so I’m not happy to see her back. Fewer eye drops, please. -_-

Anyway, it almost felt like a breakthrough when Elizabeth asked Rosemary why she thought Nathan took so long to tell her about Fort Clay, but Rosemary’s response was so bad. “He didn’t think it was important enough.” WHAT? WHO WOULD SAY THAT? Rosemary can be a bit thick-headed but that was almost too contrived for me to willingly follow. Anyone with a brain would realize it was IMPORTANT and THAT WAS WHY IT WAS A SECRET.

And when Elizabeth’s like, “Not important enough?” BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY IT IS IMPORTANT... Rosemary just tells her that Jack’s death wasn’t Nathan’s fault.

Which. She’s right. But that doesn’t make the secret unimportant. It’s still kind of a big deal. He’s confessed to being in love with Elizabeth multiple times now. Even Rosemary can’t be so dumb that she doesn’t realize that the connection between Jack’s death and Nathan is...meaningful, especially to Elizabeth. And that Nathan knew this and couldn’t bring himself to tell her because he knew it would hurt her.

Anyway, I’m doing my best to give Elizabeth a bit of grace here, because she’s just so self-centered I almost can’t stand it. To be clear, Elizabeth has ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS. It’s just that usually the issues at hand aren’t about her, they’re about someone else. 

Rosemary’s right but what she said was straight-up stupid. I don’t know, I don’t think the characters are out of character so much as the dialogue just didn’t flow very naturally and I felt like the characters were making assumption jumps to force certain responses. If Elizabeth can’t agree with Rosemary that Jack’s death isn’t Nathan’s fault, then she should have expressed that a bit more directly so that Rosemary could draw the conclusion that Elizabeth does feel it’s Nathan’s fault. It came across like Rosemary was speaking to the audience more than to Elizabeth, and I didn’t like it.

--

The most delightful scene in the entire episode has to go to Allie and Lucas. That was so cute and wholesome and good. Her asking if she could sit at the bar, him offering her a treat, her trying to return the gift ‘cause she felt caught in the middle and like it wasn’t fair to accept it... SO GOOD. They remembered the gift multiple episodes later AND incorporated it into this episode flawlessly. LOVED IT. 

Also, she asked an important question. LUCAS...where DO YOU LIVE?!

His story was a bit silly but I actually enjoyed it. It gives him a more playful vibe and also I think was almost entirely to ensure that Allie felt more comfortable and less anxious about what was happening around her. It was also his way of reassuring her that him courting Elizabeth wasn’t going to take Elizabeth out of Allie’s life...and that things will be okay.

I enjoyed it.

Things were a bit awkward with Elizabeth and Allie but they felt...better than before, so I felt like the conversation helped.

--

Lucas calling Allie “Allie Grant” was nice now that her adoption is official! I appreciate that.

Elizabeth and Lucas talk about how Lucas told Allie he’ll “work things out” with Nathan and Elizabeth definitely doesn’t appreciate it, and with somewhat good reason: she doesn’t like being caught in the middle of things any more than Allie does.

The thing is...she has had the power...all this time...to tell Nathan straight-up to leave her alone/that she isn’t interested. I stand by what I said before, that she shouldn’t have to tell him no for him to respect the boundaries she’s set, but if he’s not respecting those boundaries she needs to be firm about it.

I like how Lucas comes off in this scene. He wants to understand, he listens, he’s patient, he doesn’t push. I’m here for it.

She tells him what Nathan told her and he seems a bit overwhelmed by it, too. It’s pretty clear that he realizes she must be feeling all kinds of things after finding that out, especially after all this time. 

Again, for the second time, Elizabeth doesn’t seem all that grief-stricken about the secret being kept from her for so long: she tells Lucas she just doesn’t understand how he could keep it from her. 

He asks permission to suss out an answer and Elizabeth politely declines and says she’ll ask herself, but to please forgive her, she needs some time to...think.

She watches Lucas go and then...touches her wedding band.

-

Nathan meets Rosemary in the library and goes on a long boring monologue about how he’s read like, three whole books that women wrote, but still doesn’t understand women. No shit, sherlock. That was terrible writing...just straight up bad writing.

But I’m not exactly surprised because the very next thing that happens is that Rosemary tells Nathan...she’s been in his eXACT position before!

No...you have not. Yes, you were the unwanted third wheel, but that’s where the similarities ended, and you should have clarified. This just didn’t hit well for me, I don’t know. I don’t want to say it’s out of character, but...I don’t think Rosemary is this soft gentle personality anyway. I feel like she was always a bit more in your face with the things she said, not “try to encourage a manner of action in a very roundabout way” like she is in this episode. But again, without a logic jump from Rosemary, this scene doesn’t quite work.

I think I might have preferred Rosemary to play dumb and ask what specifically he didn’t understand about women. Make him freakin’ say it. And then she could react better. 

--

We get Love Confession #3 or whatever we’re on with Nathan, now. Let’s go over the entire scene.

Elizabeth walks into Nathan’s office and instantly asks him why it took him so long to tell her what happened.

He says he felt guilty and when she tells him she doesn’t understand, he goes on to say that after the accident he requested a transfer to Hope Valley. He never met Jack but he knew he’d left behind a wife and child, and felt it was his responsibility to look after them and protect them.

She asks why he would assume that, and he explains that he felt it was his duty. And that when he found himself falling in love with her, he felt like he was betraying Jack and his memory. That’s why he didn’t tell her.

He then takes it ONE STEP TOO FAR and says, “I fell in love with you, and I think that love is always worth fighting for.” 

Elizabeth says “Excuse me,” and leaves. Nathan’s face afterward is maybe a decent mix of “I probably shouldn’t have said that” and regret, but...woof.

Anyway, I was fine with this up to the point where Nathan said, completely unprompted, that love is always worth fighting for. How does he know? What are his experiences with love? Books he read, written by men??? PLEASE.

READ PRIDE & PREJUDICE U SWINE... ELIZABETH FALLS IN LOVE WITH MR. DARCY BECAUSE HE DECIDES HE WANTS TO CHANGE AND BE A BETTER MAN AND THEN DOES SOOOOOOOOO oh wait this is turning into an Elizabeth/Henry argument...OOPS?

Anyway, yeah. Not a fan of that line. It almost feels like there’s something missing. She’s standing in front of him about to cry because she feels hurt that he didn’t tell her this, you know, crucial information, and he’s just like “Yeah I didn’t tell u cause I love you and felt like i was betraying jack’s memory and also lol love is worth fighting for babe!” What kind of confusing mess of babble is this?

Honestly, it just left a bad taste in my mouth. :( I have so many really obnoxious opinions about Nathan and what they’ve done with him this season, but I feel like I should save them for a season summary podcast or something, just in case Hallmark ends up surprising me. Right now I just feel like they really just wanted to give him what the fans hated about him (he wasn’t passionate enough, not manly enough, not forward enough with his emotions, at least from what I read on Reddit and Instagram last year), but in like THE WORST POSSIBLE WAYS and for the wORST POSSIBLE REASONS in the VERY WORST SCENARIO.

I feared that would be Nathan’s reason for coming to town from the moment the character was announced and...I wanted to be wrong.

Anyway, I really liked his self-awareness up to that point. He never met Jack, which keeps some of the weirdness at bay. Also, he felt like he needed to make sure Jack’s family was okay, and that’s fine. I wouldn’t call it noble (as Rosemary later does), but it’s not exactly bad, either. Then we got the line of him admitting that it felt kind of bad to fall in love with her. I wish he’d gone on to say that wasn’t supposed to happen, or even given her a reason he loves her (so that it doesn’t feel like we’re just being told everything), because his line about love being worth fighting for right after he says he felt like he was betraying Jack’s memory by loving her...was...really strange??? Maybe a few sentences were edited out? 

--

Elizabeth tries to refuse to play Fiona’s blindfold game and LITERALLY NO ONE SAVES HER (though I think Rosemary considered trying). I hate the idea of this game solely based on the fact that several people participating shouldn’t even be there (Nathan, Bill, Mike, Fiona, Molly), but Elizabeth wouldn’t be able to accidentally choose Nathan if he wasn’t there, so... -_-

I think I might have actually liked this (her “no” with Carson was super cute actually, probably the cutest laugh she’s ever had on this show) if she’d had the chance to reject a few more guys on the way down the line. If she was closer to the end of the line she’d feel her options were running out and might second-guess herself. Having Nathan be the second person she touches and having her choose is...eh.

Nitpicks aside (their hands wouldn’t feel the same and she held Lucas’s hand quite recently actually), it could have been worse. At least she stated who she was searching for...

BUT UGH THE EMBARRASSMENT.

The thing that gets me about the whole scene is 100% that everyone in town would know about the Triangle drama, so it feels...weird to see everyone so gung-ho to watch this happen... I don’t know... I like having fun too, but NOBODY even TRIED to step in??? 

At least Lucas found some humor in it right away (he smiles). 

I think I wish someone had said something. Maybe Nathan could have said, “Nope, sorry” to lighten the mood a bit? Or Lucas could have said, “Almost!” since he was standing right next to Nathan?

--

Anyway, we’re spared having to wait because the very next scene is Lucas checking on Elizabeth and laughing about her choice.

One line I wish they’d added in is that someone else got it wrong. Imagine if Lucas said, “At least you didn’t pick Bill like Clara did!” Or even just made a joke about it in general like: “Of course I’m not upset. But if you would have picked Bill I might be a little hurt. My hands aren’t that old yet.”

Elizabeth tells him that she spoke to Nathan about the whole...thing and it was awkward. She chooses to not tell Lucas the rest of the reason Nathan gave, but instead only admits that he told her he loves her again. When Lucas asks what she said in response she said she didn’t say anything.

Lucas seems...a trifle upset at this, and understandably so. I think he can sense she’s...not really a sure thing and is worried about it. :( I feel so bad for him right now.

--

Rosemary stops by to see Elizabeth after Lucas leaves, and tells her she ran into Nathan at the library yesterday. Elizabeth tells her what Nathan said in his office and Rosemary says it was noble and selfless of him.

(I mean...it wasn’t selfless. Like at all.)

Elizabeth says she never asked him to be noble. She didn’t ask him to fall in love with her, either.

She asks Rosemary if she encouraged Nathan’s feelings for her at the library. Rosemary says no, but Elizabeth asks again and she interrupts her to ask Elizabeth if she’d rather hear what she actually said or just assume.

Rosemary goes on to say that she just wants what’s best for Elizabeth.

And we get Elizabeth asking how anyone would know what was best for her.

I mean, that’s like 90% on you for not communicating with your friends, but also, it’s 100% on you for just assuming you knew what Rosemary said to Nathan. I think she’s just looking for a reason why Nathan is being so persistent and in her mind encouragement from someone else is the only thing that makes sense, ‘cause she sure as heck hasn’t been encouraging him herself!

This hurts Rosemary’s feelings, probably because she was about to say that she wants what’s best for Elizabeth so she asked Nathan to stop getting in the way lol, and says maybe she should leave (since Elizabeth is in a bad mood). Elizabeth agrees she should go.

End episode. On this note. Woof.

Overall it wasn’t too bad I guess? But I’m not a fan of how some of this was written. It really felt like they cut lines out to make the episode shorter, when...they could have cut out one of the boring side plots. You know. The entire thing with Jesse and Clara, for example. 

--

The Wedding Planning/Party

I admit that I got a little enjoyment out of Florence saying no to all the dresses. Highly relatable. 

Then, at the barbershop, Fiona says the exact wORST possible thing about Florence wanting a hairstyle that’ll “knock Ned dead” FLHDSFAJDSA.

Florence goes on to say she wants anything but “ordinary Florence” and Molly steps in.

Honestly, I wish they’d just let Molly stick to being Florence’s BFF because that’s the role she plays best. Also, I’m almost sad Florence and Ned got together because it means #teamflomo is no mo’. :(

Paul shows up...

I don’t know what I expected but this boy would have been a literal BABY in season one, which makes the whole thing with Florence almost sadder AND it gives Florence more in common with Elizabeth (widow with a young child) BUT I HAVE OPINIONS.

I know what you’re thinking. “Manna, you always have opinions!” Yes, you’d be right. 

They based this off of ONE (1) line of dialogue that Florence had in S1 when something was stolen from her house. She says, “while my child slept nearby” or something like that.

They brought a child in...for that? On one hand...I’m impressed.

On the other hand, I kind of had just assumed they’d retconned that and that Florence had no children (which is why she was always goofing off gossiping with Molly) so I don’t really know how to feel about the whole thing.

Rosaleen starred in an episode and never showed up again after S1, so I think I’d have preferred to see her return instead of a child we literally never laid eyes on. But he’s a cutie. And he’s named after his father just like little Jack so...I’ll take it!

--

The party begins and we have to do “the men are stupid and don’t know how to plan” again which is really annoying. The highlight of this entire thing was Ned saying (about his hairline) that he’s been driving with the top down since his 30s. I respect you AND ONLY YOU, Ned.

--

The party continues on and they play charades. Rosemary chose weird awful options that don’t make any sense and are hard to act out. Ned’s could have been funny but the one Bill got is just...so weird.

The funniest part about it is looking at everyone staring at Molly as she guesses it.

I think it was supposed to be...cute? Or something? It was just really weird for me.

“Cuddle up a little Closer, Lovey Mine” (yes, it’s “lovey” not “lovely”) was written and recorded in 1908. You can listen to it here. Lyrics here.

They then play the Most Awkward Game Ever, one that would have had me sweating bullets if I’d had to play it. Florence has to find her man by only holding the hands of the other men.

As Fiona says, it’s a bit...risqué, but Florence rejects Jesse quickly and finds out the second man is Bill by squeezing his hands too hard.

Bill explains that his arthritis is flaring up and of course Sara and I jumped on that almost at the same moment:

We like Bill. :P

And then Florence correctly guesses that the next man is Ned. It’s very wholesome and sweet.

But then it’s Elizabeth’s turn because I guess she’s not been traumatized enough this episode. I covered that in the triangle part of the plot, though.

--

The New & Improved Henry Gowen

We start off with a BANG here with Henry and Christopher. Christopher misses Rachel because he’s a twitterpated little FOOL and he tells Henry all about it...while Henry sees Bill tearing apart the stolen car in the distance.

He asks Christopher how he got to Hope Valley from Hamilton and Christopher just straight up comes clean about it: he drove a stolen car that his buddy stole. 

Henry scolds him a bit, tells him he can’t borrow a stolen car, and explains that he doesn’t want Christopher to end up like him. Christopher seems kind of surprised by this and says, “You turned out good.” 

To which Henry replies, “The jury’s still out on that.” 

Christopher says he’s done with that kind of thing, and Henry tells him he believes him.

Honestly, Henry’s “I believe you” got to me. It sounded SO genuine. And also, can I say YET AGAIN that this kid was an impeccable choice to play Henry’s son? WOW. I can’t get over how much alike they are even in mannerisms and looks.

But THEN when Henry tries to say Rachel has something to do with Christopher being done with that old lifestyle, Christopher tells him “And you” AND I ALMOST LOST IT. SOOOOO GOOD. Henry goes on to explain that “long after” he divorced Christopher’s mom, he met Abigail, who saw the potential for goodness in him. And that he can’t help Christopher be a better man because he’s still figuring that out for himself, but if he thinks Rachel can help him, he should do what he can to not lose her.

--

Later, Henry invites Christopher to Ned’s party and Christopher declines but asks what happened to the woman Henry mentioned earlier—Abigail, of course. Henry says she left town to help her mother.

Is this a...hint of things to come? I’m...not sure.

Henry sits down for two seconds before Lucas asks to speak with him outside. Once there, Lucas admits that he contacted Christopher. This is one of the most contrived plotlines we’ve had in a bit, if only because I just can’t figure out how Lucas would have known who Christopher was, let alone whether or not he would be useful? He doesn’t even have the same last name... I mean, what, did Henry write in sparkly gel pens or something? 

But for some reason he contacted Christopher to come work for Henry to keep an eye on him. He’s not proud of having done it, which makes sense. I guess I wouldn’t be either.

Henry’s upset about it. Lucas tells Henry that he took advantage of him and that he had to make sure Henry could be trusted.

Christopher doesn’t know that Lucas told him, though, and Henry asks that Lucas keep it that way.

It makes Christopher’s behavior with Lucas make more sense (when he kept trying to push him around earlier this season), but the timing is just...awful? Maybe talking to Elizabeth about Nathan’s secret made him feel guilty about his own? I’d buy into it more if I felt like there was a really compelling reason for Lucas to feel that Christopher would do any good...but it’s just too contrived for me.

--

Christopher randomly decides to go to Bellingham to see Rachel. Henry tells him not to make trouble if her parents ask him to leave. Henry makes to leave, and Christopher stops him.

I CANNOT SING THE PRAISES OF THIS SCENE ENOUGH. Christopher tries to tell Henry about the thing with Lucas and Henry’s like...you’re different now, you’re starting over it doesn’t matter anymore!!!! Everyone deserves a second chance!

AND THEY HUG AND CHRISTOPHER TELLS HENRY HE LOVES HIM.

They almost got me to cry. ALMOST. I refuse to cry at this show because I refuse to give Brian Bird the satisfaction, but boy oh boy was this close.

Henry responds with a “me too” and makes Christopher promise to write. Then the stage leaves and that is that.

The rest of the storyline for Henry is under the car investigation. They’re related but...only intertwine at the very end so I separated them. ;)

--

Miscellaneous (Car Investigation, Pastor Position/Jesse and Clara, Carson and Faith, Mike and Fiona)

Car investigation: Nathan starts this episode off on the wrong foot. I think that was...a mistake. THAT SAID...I’m relieved Bill isn’t being written as a complaining whiny pile of trash for once, so I just want to say that...they had to realize after last episode the fan opinion of Nathan would be...not great, so mayyybe they shouldn’t have started this episode off with him literally complaining about doing his job...while he’s in uniform no less. Also he has NO PASSION at all for his job, or for investigating, which I hope means he’ll end up quitting the Mounties. (It could be a hint of things to come...I hope.) 

I mean, does he think Bill got his position for...no reason? Also, thank God Nathan turned down the promotion to Inspector if that was how he was gonna treat actually doing the work?? I’m pretty sure this is their idea of “humor” but boy did it fall flat after the love triangle mess that’s been going on.

The owner talks to Nathan on the phone later and is coming from Hamilton to get his car. Nathan seems to be telling Bill this to discourage him from wasting his time investigating, but Bill doesn’t want to stop lol.

Ned’s comment from the party about his hairline being him “driving with the top down” gives Bill an Idea in the middle of the bachelor party and leaves. Ned looks shook that he produced An Idea.

And follows. Ned is absolutely adorable as he assists Bill. They should interact more?? Long story short, Bill figures out that the top was probably up when it was being transported to Hope Valley (as you wouldn’t want people getting a good look at your face if they’re looking for a stolen car), and finds a footprint in the removable top.

The next day, Bill approaches Henry up at the oil derricks and comments on the fact that Lucas told him that Christopher checked out of his room at the saloon. Henry is up front and honest about where Christopher went, and says he went to Bellingham to see Rachel Thom.

He says, “You know how it is. You love someone, you’d do anything for them.”

The one interesting thing about this comment is that...no, Bill does NOT know. He’s never admitted to being in love in his life. He married Nora, but that was out of obligation (something he makes clear several times). Like, he obviously cared about Nora, but he wasn’t in love with her.

Obviously he’s loved someone enough to do anything for them (his son), but considering he’s dead, and possibly died in a really traumatizing way considering how it’s portrayed, that seems a bit...insensitive. :P

Bill counters it with, “Almost anything, maybe.” 

He then goes on to tell Henry he found a footprint in the stolen car.

And he just. Kind of. Gives Henry. A look. Because he knows exactly who stole the car, he just has to prove it.

Henry stops Bill and says: “A while back I remarked about how you had never solved the mine disaster. Perhaps if you and I get together, I might be able to help.”

Bill doesn’t say a THING...he just leaves. But he looks kind of...put off by the whole thing.

Like he knows what Henry is doing.

Do you know what Henry is doing?

Anything.

For someone he loves.

(Pst. That someone is Christopher.)

As soon as Bill is gone, he picks up a pair of shoes and throws them into the fire.

I think it’s pretty clear that Henry is using this mine disaster thing to protect Christopher, and he’s doing it for this reason WAY MORE than he’s doing it to come clean and be a better man. That’s just my theory, though. I think if Bill hadn’t found anything out about the car, then Henry wouldn’t have brought it up.

But I guess he knows something. The question is...what? And also, when did he mention Bill never having solved the mine disaster? I’m really struggling to remember Henry ever saying that to him, at least not recently. Does anyone recall offhand?

Anyway, I’m wondering if they’ll tie up that whole thing about Noah and Peter that was never addressed on the show to the fullest. You know, the whole thing with them going into the mine knowing it wasn’t safe and not warning anyone. I think a lot of people who watch this show have never been in poverty or lived paycheck to paycheck, but sometimes a person just has to put their head down and keep working even when it’s not safe, because they have to keep living. Or because they had more time to put a stop to things before anything bad happened.

I think blaming Noah and Peter as much as Henry is pretty stupid, but they still shoulder some blame. They were working to fix that problem. Henry wasn’t. He did what he was told and shut up. But maybe there’s a bit more to that story. Could be interesting.

Could also be the worst reveal ever, so...who knows? I’m curious to find out.

BUT ALSO what do they mean Bill didn’t solve that case? The widows sued and won. Sure, he got beat up in S1 carrying evidence out of the mine, but it’s not as if there wasn’t a lot more of it inside the mine, too. Everyone knows the fault of the collapse was due to working conditions being unsafe. What’s left to solve? Is Henry going to give Bill the names of the people who told Henry to keep his mouth shut? 

Or...are they talking NOT ABOUT THE HOPE VALLEY MINE DISASTER, but the original one that sent Henry to Coal Valley (and Nora into a marriage with Bill)? Because that one was not solved. The company just made Henry a scapegoat in that case.

THE WAIT TO FIND OUT MORE IS GOING TO BE TORTURE.

--

Pastor Position/Jesse and Clara + Cafe: I enjoyed Minnie in this episode and seeing her step in and help Clara and become part of the town was great. Jesse giving more credit to Joseph than Lee was pretty funny, and a nice set-up for Lee realizing that Joseph is a pastor. Lee is apparently head of the search committee to find a new pastor...which...sure...okay. Also apparently the newspaper died?? Uh.

I’m kind of hoping Rosemary’s new passion will be the newspaper since she’s supposedly going to dig her nose into things next episode and she used to write a column for the old paper (so she has some experience). Thoughts on that?

Anyway, Joseph agrees to pastor the church instantly the second Lee asks...so it feels weird that his original goal/plans/whatever just...don’t matter anymore? Okay.

They buy a bell.................WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY BIGGEST PETTY COMPLAINT OF THE EPISODE. BRO THAT BELL STRAIGHT UP LOOKS 3D PRINTED FJLKDSAHFLDSAHFLDSAHFKLDSA

Anyway I’m teasing. The Liberty Bell weighs a little over one ton, and two horses could easily pull that.

No complaints. My husband complained last week that there wasn’t a bell and now there is. It’s like he knew. 

Joseph talks about what a “calling” feels like (I think this will come back again with Rosemary which has me VERY HAPPY): a tug on his heart.

Joseph also tells Lee that the men in his yard earlier were surveyors and that he won’t move, at least not far, because he has a congregation to lead, now. Makes me wonder if he’ll actually sell!

Anyway, Jesse and Mike are cute pals and decide to have a snack in the cafe while the gals are socializing with Rosemary (who has just returned from the library).

Rosemary’s books are on land acquisitions, surveying, and territorial law. 

Minnie and Rosemary decide to talk about this while Clara leaves. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe just ‘cause it was boring lol.

She gets back as Mike and Jesse are talking about, uh, her, actually, and Mike asks if all is quiet on the homefront.

Yes, it is. Unlike the trenches of WWI.

But seriously I thought it could be a joke reference to “All Quiet on the Western Front”...a WWI novel. Since...you know...WWI is going on and hasn’t been acknowledged at all even though it’s almost over now.

Joke’s on me, though...that’s too advanced for Hallmark.

Anyway it’s only quiet for like two seconds, because Clara busts in, thinks they’re eating the food she’s been busting her ass over for the party, and yells at Jesse. It makes everything awkward. Jesse simpers about like a sad little clown instead of trying to be understanding. Yawn. Awful. Bye.

I don’t know what would fix that scene, but I think part of the problem is...I’m just not invested in Clara and Jesse anymore. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect them to need more time to get over the problems in their relationship but I don’t care about them enough to care about the journey...if that makes sense. I’d rather watch Bill dust for prints on the car some more.

They do have a chat, and work things out, so that’s good I guess.

--

Carson and Faith: Carson has officially stolen the dock from Abigail and Frank, and so my hatred for them doubled instantly.

Me, a territorial loon: THAT SPOT IS NOT YOURS!!!!! FIND YOUR OWN!!!

Anyway Carson makes things awkward and then busts out that he accepted the fellowship without talking to Faith.

She’s kind of hurt by this?? UNDERSTANDABLY?? But then he asks if it would have made a difference. I mean, common courtesy would be at least sitting down like this and telling her, “I’ve decided to accept it.” But no. He just. Accepted it without telling her he was going to. Bro...

They aren’t on the same page for even two seconds. He tells her he was committed to the relationship and put all his plans aside so that she could be happy.

Honestly, as much hate as Nathan’s getting right now, if people gave a damn about Faith I think Carson would be getting his fair share of hate, too. What a jerk???

He goes on to say it wasn’t a waste of his time (when she asks), but never bothers to tell her more or to prove he didn’t feel that way (BECAUSE HE SURE ACTS LIKE IT WAS A WASTE OF HIS TIME). He just says he hopes she changes her mind and comes with him to Baltimore.

At the party Carson and Faith go outside to talk where Carson admits that he should have told her he was accepting the fellowship before he wrote. She tells him that the year she was gone was almost too much time apart for her, and Carson promises to write her and tells her she can visit him, too, but she brings the conversation back to reality. They’ll both be super busy. 

He suggests they get married, and then immediately says he’s not asking (it’s not how he’d propose), but that they could look forward to getting married. (Good thing they laughed ‘cause I sure wasn’t. It was super awkward...) He suggests seeing how they feel in about a year. (Oh...perfect timing for...next season...hm.)

Faith tells him she loves him and wants what’s best for both of them, even if that thing isn’t them being together. They agree to just enjoy the night and worry about the rest later.

Anyway, I feel like these two just have NO chemistry (they’re worse than Bill and Molly in my books). I really appreciate the attempt to give them meaningful material, and I like that Carson has a passion again, but boy oh boy are these two hard to watch. The plotline is really good, but the characters just...aren’t great. I figured if anything they’d give a plot like this to AJ and Bill to tie that up (some kind of conflicting reason she can’t stay in Hope Valley to be written off the show for good) so I was surprised to see it going to Carson and Faith instead, but like...in a good way because it’s actually compelling for their situation! I've been in a similar situation and it feels REALLY BAD to like someone a lot but not be ready or willing to commit to an extreme for whatever reason. Faith doesn’t want to go to Baltimore because she loves Hope Valley and she undoubtedly doesn’t want to see it go without a doctor at all. Carson likes Hope Valley but his passion is in surgery and he can make a huge difference in a big hospital. He could still make a difference in Hope Valley, too (undoubted he’s the only surgeon for many miles around these smaller towns) but he also likes hospitals and their equipment and maybe misses what he had a long time ago.

So it’s a great plot. It’s compelling. It’s even a bit tragic when you think about it!

But my God do these characters just...not come off as convincing. :(

--

Mike and Fiona: The scene with Ned was SUPER cute. Genuinely funny. Mike asking Fiona out. Everyone teasing Mike about how much he likes her. It’s very cute and wholesome. So far I enjoy it a lot. There’s not a lot to talk about here but I like that it’s...simple.

I MEAN...she’s so cute.

--

END THOUGHTS:

I want the next three episodes right now immediately, but I’m also going to be pretty sad when this season ends...I think.

The biggest speculation from this episode, by the way, is that they’re opening things up to write Abigail back onto the show. How do we feel about that? 

Any other thoughts? Favorite scenes? Share!

[the-moon-prince]

The Last Of us~Kurapika x Reader ~Chapter VI

AN: Hi my lovely fellows!

I’m glad to deliver the sixth chapter of my story! I want to thank you, from the bottom of my soul, for your support. It really means a lot to me!<3

I wish you a pleasant read, and I hope you’ll enjoy the new chapter of my story.  (Chapter I) (Chapter II) (Chapter III) (Chapter IV )(Chapter V) (Chapter VII coming soon!)

Paring: Kurapika Kurta x GN! Reader

Word count: 2 449

TW: None!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The buzzing sound of the alarm loaded Kurapika's ears.

This time it was not a "Tic-Tic" sound. It was an unfamiliar tune. Starting with sonsy drums and trumpets. The music was in crescendo with a chorus that sang "love, love, love" until a male voice sang 

"There's nothing you can do that can't be done~"

"Nothing you can sing that can't be sung~"

A cheesy way to start the day. It was different from the rest of his mornings. It felt warm. Only it wasn't the kind of heat he habitually woke up wilting from a nightmare. It was the feeling of homely warmth and tenderness. Remembering the comparable emotion you have when you are unwell and your mother hugs you.

He sensed something twirl beside him, he began to open his somnolent eyes. That fatigue was not the usual either. Instead of a burning and stinging in the eyes, he felt a comfort he didn't want to abandon. The movements continued until they extended to the covers that surrounded him, to ultimately calm and recover a state of calm. The music ceased as well. It wasn't his pillow, it wasn't his bed, and the chamber was alien to him. It surprisingly smelled distinct. The first item he saw when his sight adjusted were frizzy (hair color) (curls/waves/strands). (Y/n) was standing on the left side of the bed. They had a bed-hair. He certainly wanted to see that goofy bed-hair very more often.

"Shhh shhh, sorry I disturbed you."-their voice was crispy.-"Go back to rest, I'll return a touch later to nudge you." 

Kurapika allowed himself to a defeat and laid his head back on the pillow. Some seasons had passed since he had a restful night. He was able to hear the sound of an opening door for it to immediately close, followed by the flow of water. The door was opened again, and an extra further door gave a short crack noise. Kurapika doesn't quite recall how long it lasted, but (Y/n) returned to the room. They placed a cup of hot black coffee on the night table.

"What time is it?"-Kurapika groaned and tried to rejoin.

"Good morning sunshine, and it's 4:23 am"-they answered, sitting in bed with another cup in their hands.

"Why are you doing so early? Not even I arise that betimes."- He stirred early, he had to. But this seemed absurd.

"I must be in the psychiatric ward. I have patients who rely on me. I'll be exiting the home in a moment."-He was shocked at how composed they were, considering the events of the night before. They continued their routine impassively as if nothing disagreeable had occurred.-"Would you desire for me to drive you to the Nostrade mansion?"-(Y/n) suggested to him with a smile. He almost forgot he had to work that day.

"I will get prepared for the moment,"-He sat, resting his back on the bed frame, reaching for the coffee.”And your proposition would be convenient." The caffeine intake helped him shake the drowsiness off his mind.

"I would be amazed to propose to you something to eat, but I only possess chocolate robots at the moment. You don't exactly appear the type of person to have that for breakfast."-they provided an apologetic smile, half-joking half-ashamed.

"Do you ever eat something besides sweets?"-It was agreeable to joke a little in the mornings.

"I ate the flowers you gave me."-(Y/n) answered with the most solemn voice they could deliver. The first time in his 19 years of life that Kurapika heard something of that bearing.

"You ate them?"-Although it was evident that it was not a joke, it seemed so outlandish that he did not see another explanation.

"Yes! Peonies and carnations are edible! Although they taste sweet and fruity. So it might count as sweet." they affirmed smiling.

 Sometimes the sincerity of that person perplexed him. They could say the most unthinkable things in the most sudden moments. Above all, with an enormous naturalness. He even wondered if they were even conscious that they did.

The handy part of sleeping dressed was that getting ready was rather quick. Once he put on the black jacket, the wrinkles on his shirt were hardly noticeable. Though, as much as he would love to stay and talk to (Y/n) all morning, the depart ended up arriving. What if the two of them could skip work with an excuse? It was possible. However, both were stiff with their obligations, so it was not feasible. Kurapika was going to show up pretty early for work, he didn't care if it meant to spend more time with (Y/n).

During most of the voyage, he stared at (Y/n) driving and chatting. 

"You always use the same earrings." He remarked, staring at the drop-shaped pearl pendants dangling from their ears. They turned to see him and agreed.

"You also wear your red earrings every day."-they were getting close to the Nostrade's residency. 

"You're not wrong."-Between spending the day with Neon or with (Y/n), he preferred the latest option by a lot.

"I rarely am, dear. I wish you a good day!"-Kurapika no longer remembered the last time someone wished him a good day in the morning.

 ~

8 pm, another day had passed. If Neon's attitude hadn't improved since the beginning of her therapy, Kurapika had no idea if he would still put up with her whims. Whoever worked for her without attempting against her life was a saint. However, his crusade hadn't ended yet, remote from that. The advantage of that specific job brought was being able to maintain close contact with the flesh trafficking industry. Kurapika was finally exiting through the vast gate of the Nostrade mansion. Being able to get to work on his vendetta again.

"Kurapika!"- a voice he knew fully squealed. He turned in the direction it came from, to make sure it wasn't a dream. He had his suspicions about working for Neon for so long that it gave him some variety of brain damage. Luckily not. It was (Y/n), running towards his direction, nearly stumbling in the middle of the path. If they were coming to him like that, something serious must have happened.

"(Y/n)! What are you doing here?! What happened?! Aren't you supposed to be on guard? Why didn't you call me? "-the blonde interrogated packed with worry.

They were panting laboriously, as they inclined on their legs to catch their breath and raised their index asking for a moment. 

"I'm presumably to be on my pause, plus you weren't answering your cell phone..."-their face was darker due to the lack of oxygen-"I received information regarding a pair."- they murmured to be prudent. To avoid malicious overhears, they continued their chat in the car. 

"I had a proposal from an acquaintance to purchase a pair of scarlet eyes!

The only setback is that it has to be tonight because he has another interested. For my part, with the ward, I'm available. I told the nurses that I would use my recess and would be back."- It was explicit that (Y/n) had already taken charge of organizing the plan so that it could be implemented immediately.-"Reasonably, I haven't confirmed the purchase yet. As the principal concerned I judged proper to tell you first."

"This is a fabulous opportunity, thank you (Y/n). Confirm our attendance."

It was agreed that the purchase would take place at 9 o'clock, In a black market shop located in YorkNew's downtown. The pair would cost 1,450,000 Jennys.

Although the connections and information of (Y/n) were trustworthy and had been valuable until the present day, Kurapika still wanted more information regarding the plan. He wanted to prioritize their safety.

"Where do you know the individual from?"- Kurapika hinted, trying to obtain information without directly doubting the references.

"I have... I've purchased articles from him before.  I am a frequent customer, he maintains me abreast of his inventory as well as offers."- they informed.-"In those commerces, information travels at great speed. As I've been seeking information on the scarlet eyes, he found out."-He could then conclude it was a credible provider.

Since the dilemma was solved, he could ease a bit.-"In the first instance, when I listened to your voice, I believed I was hallucinating, and working for Neon for a prolonged amount of time had caused me brain damage!"-Kurapika laughed

"Oh! But it's plausible."-they did not understand it was merely a joke-"Chronic Stress produces autophagia in neural stem cells. Normally autophagia is a process to protect cells from unfavorable conditions through the digestion of inner cell materials. However, under certain circumstances, this survival method degenerates into self-destruction. Essentially, the neural cells commit suicide, concluding in brain damage. Plus, chronic stress enhance the risk of neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer's disease."-It sometimes was bothersome to date a psychiatrist...-"Even if it was only a pun, I'm a tad concerned about you, Kurapika."-At the end, they got the joke, they were just being a doctor. 

Kurapika couldn't decide whether to be frustrated for his joke or flattered that (Y/n) cared so much about him. 

~

At the accorded place an hour, they entered the shop. An old man with big glasses and a suit greeted them.

"Mx. (Y/n)! It's always pleasant to see one of my favorite customers!"-his voice was croaky and rusty.-"I'm glad you accepted the offer."

The elder was very polite towards (Y/n).

"Helle Mr. Richard, I may say the same. I brought Kurapika with me, my bodyguard,"-the same strategy as the previous times.-" he will accompany us."

"A pleasure to meet you, Mr.Kurapika."-the rusty voice spoke once more.-"Since we are dealing with a more elegant object, it is stored in the back room. Be so kind to accompany me there."- the so-named Richard pointed at a big wooden door at the back of the store as he directed it. 

He opened the door for them after they were all inside, closed the door again. Richard sat at the end of a big ornamented oak desk. There were also oak chairs with padding on the other side of the desk. The man motioned for them to sit down. He continued to pull out the vials with the pair of scarlet eyes.

"Both of you can confirm that they are authentic. And the agreed price was 1,450,000 Jennys"-The white-haired senior placed the vials in the middle of the table and reached out his hand, waiting for the money.

(Y/n) took out of their customary side-bag an envelope to deliver it with both hands. The elder took it and pulled out the cash and began to count. All the actions were carried upon the table and in the view of all presents.

"Everything is perfect, as always. Thanks, always a pleasure to do business with you Mx-" 

The sentence was interrupted by a loud crash.

The wooden door had been knocked down, and a group of armed men began to enter the place. With the loud noise (Y/n) swiftly took the vials with the scarlet eyes and pressed them protectively.

"What is happening here, what is this intrusion into my establishment?!"-Richard exclaimed, his voice sounding even rustier.

"These two attacked one of the associates some time ago."- One of the men, presumably the head of the gang, spoke. He had a sloppy beard and reeked of cheap tobacco. He also had a disastrous taste for fashion. He wore a tacky shirt with half the buttons unbuttoned, garish orange fishnets that didn't match at all, and a vulgar red hanky that was sticking out of his shirt's pocket.

"Both of you, don't move. The information runs around here."-the men approached to talk directly to Kurapika and (Y/n).-"We learn that a pale man with blond straight hair wearing a suit and a (skin/color) person with (hair color) (curly/wavy/straight) hair who dressed pretentiously with flowers, both searching for scarlet eyes, attacked one of our sellers. What do you think, we were not going to find you?"-the pestilence was even more intense up close.-"The boss is not far away. You'll see, duo of idiots."

The situation was complicated, Kurapika couldn't use most of his chains if it wasn't against the Spiders. (Y/n) could only use Misericordiae, since they did not know the attackers adequately to use their distinct technique. Plus with the one they had available, they couldn't kill. There was the possibility of a melee attack. Only it was the least viable option. Kurapika would have to use his scarlet eyes or (Y/n) use their feline form. It involved putting their identities in jeopardy, and they still didn't know if the circumstance was desperate to get to that point. The best choice was to divert the group of men to head to the window and jump to escape. The reversal was that to minimize the damage from the shattered glass, they would have to shield themselves with both arms. 

"(Y/n), leave the eyes. I'll use my Dowsing Chain to move the enemies aside and leave by the window."-Kurapika bossed after a moment of reflection. It was still the option with the highest probability of success.

"No, these eyes belong with you. I'm not leaving without them."-(Y/n) growled. They had a look of pure completion, almost as if that judgment contained all their credos compressed.- 

Kurapika couldn't avoid conjuring "This is the worst moment to unleash their stubbornness."-"(Y/n), listen to me!"-he was starting to lose his patience.

"No! I have an approach. Trust me please."-(Y/n) glanced down at their left hand, laced with white ribbon. It was gradually diffusing across the carpet. 

Before any action could be taken, a man, much properly dressed-The leader of the deluded men's ball, most likely.- entered the room yelling with a deep crusty voice and a foreign intonation.

"Okay pack of idiots. That in the end, you did your silly duty. Where are the two rats?".-The man was flat and plump. He was middle-aged, with a round face, almost bald. He was dressed in a semi-formal, dark gray suit:  he wore a geometric patterned tie and matching tissue in his vest's pocket. He entered taking big steps and turned to Kurapika and (Y/n).

At the moment he saw them, his eyes widened, and voiced full of shock.

"(Y/n)?!"

[sasodei-is-real]

Good afternoon💙 Well, or just Hello if you have a different time of day 😅💙

Thank you for your answers!)

And I still can’t reply to comments (I don’t know what is wrong), so I’ll answer like this)

@justanotherblonde thank you very much, it's so nice 🥺💙 And I'm glad that it will be interesting for you) Because the topic is actual and worth discussing.

@movethisalong Thanks for the answer!) I will soon work on the text in drafts, I will publish it today)💗

@bodoquehenko Weeell ... it's not directly related. But indirectly, yes. After all, even though Deidara is an adult, he has a big age difference with Sasori. So, for us - Sasodei fandom, this topic is not completely alien. Anyway, in any fandom, this is a very controversial and interesting topic that is worth discussing. As a sasodei shipper, I was asked questions about this topic. I think it would be nice to say my opinion on this issue and put all the points above and. I will talk not only about the general phenomenon, but also about sasodei separately in this topic.

But of course I will continue the analysis💛. This is not even discussed, because it is for this analysis that my blog was invented. But the point is, right now I only have time for one post. And analysis consists of many parts. And if I had written today about Onoki and Gaara (that is, I would have continued the analysis), I would have been able to move on to the next part of the analysis only in two weeks (this is how long my studies at the university will last). And that's not very good. Because although the analysis consists of different parts, the thing is integral. And it is best to read it without long breaks. I already postponed the analysis for a long time because of the uni , and then I did not want to continue again and stop the two weeks between the next part. I thought, since there is only time for one post, why not write about an actual topic that I would still raise and which would fit into one post. And then continue writing the analysis during the holidays and without long delays between continuation in order to maintain integrity.

Well, then the question was whether it would be interesting for you to discuss the topic of the age difference))

As for the ships, I think to talk after a specific stage in the analysis - when we analyze the characters of Sasori and Deidara. That is, the storage of posts turns out to be something like this - 1 question about the age difference 2 analysis where we left off - Onoki and Gaara (Iva and Suna) 3 The next stage of the analysis is Sasori and Deidara's relationship with the rest of the characters 4 Sasori and Deidarf characters 5 Short conversation about crack ships (which is not part of the analysis of sasodei, but what is worth discussing) 6 Philosophy of Sasori and Deidara, the symbolism of their characters 7 FINALLY 😂 Analysis of the relationship between Sasori and Deidara - Sasodei

Thank you for answer ^w^🧡

@deidaraakasuna Yes, I myself really want to move on to their relationship as soon as possible 🤧❤ Yes, they were created for each other. It is obvious.💫💗

And yes. I agree, everyone has the right to ship whatever they want. I am not against any crackships, or ships with questionable context ... well, any. A person's taste is formed on the basis of his lived life and emotions, and this is too personal to criticize.

But. I'm not talking about WHAT they ship, but HOW they raise their ship, for example, how, by substituting facts, they justify their ships.

I will try to explain what I think about this. The bottom line is that Naruto is a very elaborate and fragile story, the essence of which is her philosophy. Naruto has a very interesting build scheme. Recently I talked with my friend, and she noticed that in its structure Naruto is similar to the Russian classic novel "The Master and Margarita" by Bulgakov. And this is so. The bottom line is that there are a lot of characters in Naruto. Each character has its own story, its own psychology, motivation and internal conflict, the solution of which manifests one thought. The character has a conflict, the opposite or controversial side of his conflict is put in front of him, most often with the help of another character and ultimately, thanks to the contradiction, the truth is found - that is, we get a ready-made thought about any aspect of life. And so on. Everything is connected together, and each such thought, which is formed with the help of the character's life - by doing it with the rest, creates the philosophy of the work.

For instance. Sasori and Deidara degenerate their vision of the world in their art. They were a contradiction, in the end they found harmony, Deidara accepted eternity, and Sasori the truth of transience. Thanks to the fact that Sasori took instant and soul - Kankuro managed to dissuade him and Sasori decided to find eternity in the continuation of generations. During Edo Tensei, we see Sasori no longer hide his concern for Deidara with excuses and aggression - he has evolved. Therefore, Kankuro deals with the question of the soul. Sasori dies while Deidara screams and he pretends to embrace his parents. During the conversation, Edo Tensei, with the help of Kankuro and Sasori, reveal to us the theme of the soul. What is the soul? A haven of pain that poisons the heart, but without which you become a weak-willed marilnet. And Sasori's conflict is directly related to Obito. After discussing the soul issue, we see Obito pointing at the hole in his chest and saying that he doesn't feel anything. This is great preparation for Obito. These two characters are somewhat similar. Both wanted to escape their pain and forget themselves in illusions. Sasori replaced people with puppets, and love with universal contempt and control. Obito wanted to forget himself in the eternal Tsukuemi. Sasori accepted his feelings for Deidara. Obito realized that he shouldn't forget Rin. Sasori died in such a pose like hugging his parents. Obito died again while saving his friend Kakashi. Both died in the same situations that doomed them to suffering and pushed them into the dark. Simbolic 👀.(By the way, did you notice that Sasori's main OST is playing in the background? "Despair"). I mean, in Naruto, everything is very closely related to each other. Sasori and Deidara's relationship is their development. And when, for example, I see the sasosaku shippers dismantle the battle scene and say that Sakura influenced Sasori, proving her validity, it's not very pleasant. Primarily as a Naruto fan. Let's imagine for a minute If Sakura really influenced Sasori.

Sasori would not be able to achieve what he most desired - true eternal art. The role of Kankuro would not be needed and he would not have developed as a character and would not have received future Puppets . Since Kankuro is not needed, then his conversation with Chiyo and her acceptance will not take place. Since Sakura has already influenced him, there is no need to talk about the soul - there is no full disclosure of Sasori and the prologue to Obito's conflict. Complete disregard for Sasori's feelings for Deidara and for finding harmony.

And the most important thing. Sasori is a complex and deep character with his own feelings and motives. Each of his actions is based on his state of mind and thoughts. And when they explain Sasori's decision by the fact that he was influenced by a 15-year-old girl who then shouted that she wanted to get rid of her parents and who was unable to understand Sasori continued to scream, and not his character - this is a spit towards Sasori. As a Sasori stan, I am not pleased.

And so with everyone. I love Deidara. Obito is my heart. But in the pairing, Obiday Deidara is presented not as a deep character with his own conflict, but as a cliché "I behave aggressively, but I like you." Rin and Obito's wonderful story...?? No?😅😂

And yes, of course it is clear that in canon these are all crackships.

And I don't mind when people ship characters for themselves, draw art, write fanfiction and have fun. no, that's cool. BUT when they try to prove the canonicity of such an absurdity ... I'm Here 🌚👍

And after all, philosophy really changes. I was talking to my friend last week and he said, "It would be cool if in the Kazekage arc it turned out that Gaara is Uzuma. It would turn out that Naruto Uzumaki saved Uzumaki." Umm ... no. It wouldn't be.

The fact that Gaara was none for Natuto was done for a reason. From the very beginning, Gaara's history and development prepared us for 1 Pain's Philosophy. 2 To resolve the conflict between Suna and Iva. Two old villages.

Remember the first season? As after the fight Naruto said "I understand your pain, I went through the same." Gaara was not Naruto's relative, his friend from the start, he was from another village and was his enemy because

1. This resolved the conflict between Chie and the conservative villages. Chie asked, "Why does he care so much about Gaara? They are from different villages." Chie of the old school has broken the world into structures, forgetting that, first of all, they are all people and not representatives of countries. Kakashi replies, "He doesn't care what village he is from. They went through the same pain and are the best at each other." Chie dies realizing the old mistakes imposed by generations "You will change this world invented by old and stupid people."

2. Gaara was preparing us for a meeting with Pain. Pain's philosophy was that people who were completely alien to each other could understand each other by knowing the same pain. If Gaara was Naruto's relative, it would destroy the entire structure of philosophy.

3 The example of Naruto and Gaara is Jiraiya's true teaching. "We know what pain is and try to be merciful to others." The idea seems to be the same as that of Pain, but at the same time it is completely different. Pain used pain ( ahh sorry 😂) as a weapon. Against the background of Gaara's example, this looks even more obvious.

4 In the future, just like Naruto changed Chiyo, Gaara will change Onoki.

I want to say that in Naruto everything is very fragilely interconnected. This is the order and the relationship of the characters of the link. So why when the same shippers Sasosaku, Tobidei and Itadei prove their "canonicity" by

1 Sakura influenced sasori

2 Tobi called Deidara his favorite senpai

3 Deidara hates sharingan and talks about Itachi

Well, on the one hand, I don't care as the sasodei shipper , because as many canonical proofs and justifications as Sasodey has, not a single ship has

but on the other hand, as a fan of Naruto philosophy, I hate to see how people are ready to distort the idea of ​​anime and the characters of in order to prove their canon.

So,

In a word, I want to talk about this first of all as

1 A fan of the naruto philosophy that becomes meaningless due to the substitution of facts for some ship

2 A fan of all these characters who are distorted trying to prove their "canonicity"

3 Sasodei shipper

In general, I do not mind "I like this ship and I ship it. Ok"

I do not like "I will ignore the facts and at the same time do not care that I made the philosophy of the anime useless, distort the characters of the persona only in order to prove their some crackship's canonicity 🌚👍"

I hope I could explain why I want to talk about it😶

And this one is so sweet🥺💗Yes, I also know people with a huge difference in age who are beautiful and happy together for a long time. And although I agree that a lot is not visible from the outside, but age really does not matter. It's all about people.

And I'm sorry that it turned out so long 😅

This was a good chance to explain why I decided to talk about other ships (/> <)/

So, thanks again for the answers ^=^ ❤💛

I’ll go and write a post about the age difference in the drafts, edit it a little and post 🐥🦂

[purplerose244]

Belonging

Here again for the @toa-secret-santa of this year! So happy to participate again, I love these events! 😍😍 Hello @spellcasterdouxie, I’m your secret santa! Merry Christmas and festivities, hope you like my present! ❤

Summary: In which being stuck in New York to protect a magical being and save the world in the process is no excuse for not celebrating Christmas with your friends.

Also on AO3

So… Nari was a terrible liar.

Extremely powerful being, the purest pretty soul, but horrible at lying.

Douxie didn’t have the slightest idea of what she was plotting, granted that she used to be part of an evil congregation of wizards that wanted to take over using an ancient artifact – meh, like that was the weirdest coming from his friends –, but he was fairly sure that her claim regarding the leaking sink of the bathroom was some sort of decoy.

Did that convince him to ignore those big adorable puppy eyes?

“It looks good to me, but I’m gonna give it a double check just in case!”

“Thank you Douxie, much appreciated! Please make sure everything is working, do not overlook a single thing!” Absolutely not. He was a master wizard, not a beast.

Their little apartment was neither pretty nor particularly clean. Which considering the little money he accumulated over the years with all of his jobs back in Arcadia and given the fact that they were in New York City, was kind of a given. But it had a perfectly functional bathroom, basically a gift from above, or some kind of karma retribution from putting up with three different apocalypses in the same summer – and he had all suspicions that another one was coming, but possibly another season. That being said, he wasn’t sure why with her plant like appearance, Nari with all people was so interested into their sink. Besides maybe for spraying a bit of water over her head – one very curious and endearing scene really, like a pot plant watering itself.

Then again, he wasn’t completely sure why he was going along with it instead of asking directly what was this all about. Maybe he liked to study whatever thought somehow as peculiar as her could come up with. Maybe there was nothing else of particular interest to do while waiting for his mac and cheese to be ready… maybe that little nightmare of his from last night got him a little too down, and doing anything but think about it was a better solution than most. And it was a pretty annoying maybe, because dreams about his master were as common as breathing lately.

He thought he was over it. It was probably too soon… hopefully he was at least getting closer to the not too soon part of it.

One long silence followed, from which he was fairly sure he had heard a few whispers a little lower than Nari’s light tone. Great, what now? Was she actually plotting something?

“Is everything okay over there? Arch? Nari?”

“Fine, everything is fine! Keep checking please!”

“Are you serious?” Okay now it was ridiculous. “Nope, I’m getting over there, and you two better not be up to no good!” They were a surprisingly compatible pair, especially since his familiar had made it his mission to teach her the marvel of pranks – she wasn’t even malicious about it, that made it all even more devious somehow. Douxie left the wrench on the ground, getting out of the bathroom and towards the living room. “You all keep forgetting that I’m the master wizards here, so technically I’m in charge, so if you’re scheming something- Whoa, Mordrax’s miracles!”

The last thing he had expected, after leaving their lonely living room that was made of four faded walls with a random kitchen connected to it, was to get back to it completely transformed into a messy, happy Christmas themed little chamber.

Filled with very familiar faces.

“Merry Christmas, Teach!” Claire almost knocked him off his feet with that hug. She looked radiant, all wrapped up in one big purple sweater with ‘Feeling Wicked Sassy’ written on it – appropriate. Behind her Steve, Toby and Archie were all smiling.

“Sorry, you would not leave the house,” Nari looked all cozy and a little guilty in that big mint green sweater – with ‘Every Day is Green Day’ written on it, where did she get that? –, waving at him. “And it felt like claiming we were being attacked by Skrael and Bellroc was a bit excessive.” Thank goodness his roommate and protegee had some common sense – considering his latest adventure, more than him for sure.

Claire giggled, shrugging innocently.

“We honestly hoped you were that bad of a plumber and would give us more time…”

Douxie snickered, because this was ridiculously endearing and he loved it all already.

“Too bad I’m not completely hopeless.”

“Could’ve fooled me!” Steve, it was Steve, not even worth turning around to recognize him. But a random fist bump, that much he could concede – especially with that massive blue sweater ‘Silent Knight, Holey Knight’ he had on, like really what was even that. “Ready to have the best time of your life?”

The master wizard arched an eyebrow.

“Said from you? Should we call the firefighter in advance? Or the police?” The blonde pouted very dramatically, Claire snickered. He had really missed these two. “Wow, this place looks amazing! The landlord can’t see this or she will force me to pay more for the rent.” His wallet was already gasping enough for breath and money. “All this stuff, all the decorations… is this beef?” Ah, that was why it all felt like such a sudden change, this paradisiac scent had definitely not been here before. “It smells delicious!”

“Thank you!” Second shock of the day, but Douxie could hardly blame himself considering the most time he had spent around Jim had been during his huge troll moments – he kinda looked like a twig now in comparison. “I’m pretty well known for my festive feasts.”

“Also known as festeasts!” Toby showed one enthusiastic victory sign, pulling off his orange ‘Rockin’ This Christmas’ with plenty of little gems and stones all around – the forever geologist.

Jim rolled his eyes with a grin.

“Tobes we’re not calling them that.” The Warhammer holder frowned, only to beam when he got handed a spoon for a taste. “I made most of this from home so it’s all ready and warm, but I wanted to make something on the place while I was at it. Freshly made food tastes way better on Christmas.” Toby hummed around the spoon, smacking his lips, then he rubbed his fingers together towards the chef, who caught it as to add more salt.

Douxie couldn’t help but scoot closer, peaking inside. That looked like food. That looked like real, delicious, extremely well-made food.

“What in the world, how did you make that?” Jim snorted.

“You moved on without much of a comment from me turning into a half-troll, a full troll and then back to a human, and this surprises you?”

“My friend, there were Thai leftovers, one instant ramen, an onion and an egg left in the fridge so yes, this surprises me!” All speculations died when he was offered a taste too. “… so it turns out I know nothing of magic. I must bow to the real master wizard here.” If happiness had a flavor it had to be this one. The former trollhunter snickered, giving him a little elbow before going back over his creations. And if the most classic ‘kiss the chef’ apron on him wasn’t already extremely fitting, the cyan sweater underneath reciting ‘I’m In The…’ on the back barely left to the imagination what list was written on the front.

A very well-deserved sign, really.

“Buttsnack’s managed to make these too, take a look!” Steve waved at the little counter that was the only thing remotely looking like a table in this place. And smelling just as heavenly as everything else, there they were, mince pies, just like the ones from Camelot. “But I don’t know if they’re as good because someone slaps my hand every time I- OUCH!! I didn’t even try this time!”

Archie’s tail could be surprisingly useful as a whip, in fact.

“You were thinking about it! So don’t, these are for later.” And wow, if his most loyal companion wasn’t absolutely adorable wearing that little red sweater – ‘Santa Paws’, he was going to complain about it all day long. Douxie wished he hadn’t left his phone in the bathroom. “We’re still waiting for the tree, the last decorations and the music. But we’re almost ready.” So apparently his familiar had been behind all of this. That actually made perfect sense.

Of course this little wizard associate had known this was going to do him good. It was the kind of bond that came with being around each other for over 900 years.

Archie smiled at him, and Douxie couldn’t not grin in return.

“Can’t wait for them! Even thought I did have some when we had that travel… well technically ages ago, we were actually in Camelot, but it wasn’t- Ah forget it, time loops are too confusing.” There was a consensual groan including all of them but Toby and Nari, who just looked at each other and shrugged. “Well, this is awesome, how did you even get everything here so fast?” On second thought, that was more than just bizarre. His eyes crossed Claire’s right away. “You get so tired with transportations through the Shadow Realm usually, and you got to bring along all of these people and decorations?” The thing was, this wasn’t supposed to be possible. Another thing was, Lady Claire of house Nunez was so insanely talented it would had not surprised him.

The girl waved her hand in denial.

“I wish I was at that level, but no. Still, we did travel back and forth pretty quickly.”

“Without magic? How?”

“I should take offense from that highly questioning tone.” Third shock, his poor heart – he came back from the grave once, and he really didn’t recommend it. He was fairly sure the apartment he had rented didn’t include interdimensional portals opening in the middle of the living room. “And from the fact that you humans keep forgetting I invented a perfectly functioning wormhole generator. But please, continue with your predicaments, ignore the scientific feat I’ve accomplished!” For an alien that barely understood human sarcasm, Krel Tarron was made a whole half of it.

As he walked in from the portal, holding one edge of a box filled with Christmas balls, on the other side Zoe stepped in carrying along the rest. And between a black ‘I’m Back, Witches’ sweater and a gray ‘DJ Kleb’ one with four sleeves, it was one curious and fantastic view.

“Yeah yeah, you bent the rules of physics, congratulations!” Zoe’s tense tone implied that she must had heard that complain already. “Stop talking and get working, I’m going the extra mile here!”

“This doesn’t sound like a good time to have a walk.”

“For the love of…!” The pink haired girl let out a muffled scream, let go of her edge of the box – lucky for Krel to have four arms to catch it – and jumped over the master wizard to grab his shoulders. “I hate you so much, you left me alone dealing with all of these new knuckleheads! Like the local dummies weren’t enough!” The collective offended ‘Hey!’ coming from both the Akiridion and the village’s idiot – a marvel that Steve actually responded, fully aware of his status as knucklehead – was somehow even more endearing than funny.

Meanwhile Zoe was still wrinkling his favorite jacket, frowning aggressively at him like the fact that he was out there saving the world was unforgivable – you could say anything about this pink head, but not that she didn’t have priorities.

Douxie snickered, easing the hold onto him.

“Sorry for trying to give my friends a place to live in this crazy wild world, then!”

“… apologies accepted.” Zoe narrowed her eyes. “But only if we finally hunt for niffins and get those forsaken burgers after you did the deed. I’m calling dibs on you.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Besides, you owe me. I didn’t snitch and told that Hex Tech got annihilated and we’re in need of new personnel because someone needed to hide from the big bad villains.” Those blue gems were screaming not to mess this offer up, because it was certainly not going to come back.

Even with a pressure like that, in some way inside of him, Douxie felt freed of a little weight. Despite the distance and everything that had happened, some things stayed the same. So he quite happily held up his fist, smirking at the girl.

“Alright, as soon as this is over with. Deal.” Zoe glared at him a few more seconds. Then she nodded, and finally bumped their knuckles together.

With a thud Krel finally put the box down, sighing soundly.

“Thanks Seklos this is done. I believe we are only missing the dead tree that will be then covered in artificial garnishments as a form of apparent belittlement of nature.” He stayed still for a few seconds, mindlessly throwing a little sphere on the ground that divided in four pieces, generating a portal. “… I feel like I’m getting so accustomed with humans’ savageness that I’m even quite looking forwards to it. Especially for that useless invention called ‘tree’.” He snickered, getting inside the wormhole that disappeared as soon as he was in.

Luckily the impossible dimensional gateway appeared of not leaving any trace behind. And luckily the creature – or elf, demigod, Nari was still a bit of a mystery – most connected to the nature that had just been denigrated was way more interested in whatever chef wiz Jim Lake Jr. was preparing.

“You knubhead, I just told you not to!” Archie’s spiteful voice came along, as apparently Steve had managed to take advantage of the situation – a scientific miracle happening in front of them, fair enough – to finally get himself a mince piece. Only to get slapped to the ground.  “That’s it, until these cool down you’re getting nowhere near! Douxie, out with me, we need to guard the treasure!” That was some attachment for one tray of soft and delicious little pastries.

Douxie shrugged and complied, picking up the meal under the jock’s renovated pout and heading to the balcony. The chilling air got to his nose right away, but he endured, appreciating just the tiniest breath. There was barely space for once person there.

Well, one person and his familiar. He placed the tray on the railing, making sure it didn’t fall.

“How did Jim even get the recipe?” Archie grinned.

“Well, apparently his troll friends did remember a certain meal very appreciated by humans from back then, but they have their own idea on how to make it. I don’t know the details, but I certainly know it involves socks. Plenty of socks.”

“… you want to see Steve’s reaction to them later.”

“I want to see Steve’s reaction to them later with all the others. Christmas is supposed to be a family festivity, right?” His grin disappeared right after. “So… it didn’t sound like you were sleeping too well last night.” Yep. He knew. Of course he knew. He would had even if he didn’t have to habit of sneaking into his bed to get warm. “Something you’d like to talk about?”

Douxie breathed out, gently buffing his fluffy ear.

“I’m fine Arch, not need to get all sensible on me. It was one of the usuals.” He tried a weak smile, not really feeling like keeping everything in. Not with so many people inside, on this particular day. “… you know, thinking it now, somehow it was easier celebrating Christmas on the streets back in Camelot. Getting something good to eat, have fun, that was enough. Considering how tense was everyone in the Pendragon castle it’s not much of a surprise, but still… I wonder if Merlin ever had a proper Christmas in there.” He sighed. “He certainly didn’t while I was around.” The noisy streets of Camelot overlapped NYC’s busy ones. He swallowed a lump into his throat.

That legendary town was such a faraway place right now, coming back from a single memory was a slap from reality. Douxie shivered, taking in a freezing breath, gasping when Archie jumped over his shoulder and curled all around his neck. His fur was nice and warm.

“We have no way of knowing. But one thing’s for sure, that old man got a surprising, unexpected present in any case.” Archie smiled, eyeing him softly. “One very sneaky, very foolish, very brave apprentice.” They had been there, the both of them. And in any possible way, in the good, the bad, and the best, he had found a life to call that way. The one Merlin had asked him about.

The master wizard smiled, snuggling his cheek against his loyal friend.

It didn’t take long, the winter air acted like a freezer over the little pies. But as they went back in, the place had already changed – and that was besides AAARRRGGHH!!, with one gigantic hat on his head, holding up the tree while Blinky, wearing a scarf, was reading a manual on how to decorate it, where did he even get that? –: there was a table, appeared again out of nowhere, with all the most delicious looking dishes placed all over between branches of holly and little bells. Jim and Nari were putting down the last dishes, Steve was clumsily getting the statue of a reindeer to balance over the tv, Toby was checking the lights to make sure they were functioning.

And Claire was suddenly in front of him, beaming, clearly hiding something from behind her back. It immediately grabbed everybody’s attention, like it was some sort of event.

Was it?

“We’ve organized the present exchange for after lunch, but this one you need to put it on now. So, her it is!” She uncovered the secret and- Oh. It was a sweater. It was a sweater. For him. “There you go, you’re officially part of the wool club, a Christmas-limited association only.”

“Founder of the association Nancy Domzalski, mostly because it was Nana who made them all!” Toby caressed the front of his sweater, smiling softly. “She’s that kind of grandma that thinks that everything that’s made with love can bring warmth, and I’m kind of a believer too.” He shrugged, crossing his fingers behind the back of his head. “I know this isn’t your cool punk rock wizardy style, but Nana had her midlife crisis in her own time and I’m not exactly looking forward to one before my very own eyes!” That was probably not a sight a grandchild wanted of their grandma, that was understandable.

It was. It was, right? It was getting a little hard to focus on something, anything that wasn’t a soft bundle of black and navy blue stripes, welcoming and warm, with ‘Fuzzbuckets’ written on it. It was getting weird. A little unsettling even, because he just got out in the cold but his bones weren’t freezing anymore and he felt all fuzzy inside and now his eyes were warm and-

“… oh, curse me, not the waterfalls…!” Centuries spent transitioning from hopeless bard to punk rock guitarist, only to tear up at a random surprise Christmas party.

From there, he didn’t understand much. Only Claire’s probable ‘Aww Douxie!’, Toby’s sudden ‘There’s no Christmas without the sad moment’, Steve’s surprising ‘I know what to do, come on everybody, let’s all hug it out!’. And all of the sudden he was enveloped with so many arms, so many different people he had gotten to know and had managed to befriend and appreciate. That were part of his world, his life, and what was coming for the future.

So when he managed to open his eyes, there was so much to uncover, between a pink head, a scarred eyebrow, a lock of leaves and a paw still so close to his cheek. And it hit him that perhaps there was a reason why Camelot had always felt so far away lately.

That age was over. But this, it felt like it had only begun. Douxie smiled, closing his eyes again.

Embracing how good it felt to belong again.

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 7x01

I joked in my finale ramble at the end of season 6 that the episode was called ‘Forever’ because that’s how long it would feel between seasons...well joke's on me because now, after 587 days, we are FINALLY here. The Younger drought has been a tough one, but we have been generously compensated by getting the first four episodes all at once, which is both exciting and also, turns out, incredibly overwhelming. As usual the thoughts and feelings are many, mostly feelings (read: I am NOT ok) but let’s start off with a delve into the premiere episode, ‘A Decent Proposal’.

The episode picks up within minutes of where the season 6 finale left off, with Diana and Enzo not wasting any time to hot foot it out of their wedding reception and into their happily ever after (Arrivederci bitches!). Of course I’m very happy for Diana and her happiness but there’s only one couple’s happiness that I am on tenterhooks about now that Diva is sorted and that is Charles and Liza, as they watch their sprinklers fizzle out in some sort of awkward, symbolic, anti-climax. 

You may recall that mere moments earlier, Charles had popped the question on the dancefloor before the two were separated by an obligatory conga line, and Charles quickly assumes that Liza’s lack of enthusiasm to shout her answer across the reception of another person’s wedding is an answer in itself. As anyone who has read my rambles before knows, I unapologetically fly the Team Charles flag, and let me tell you, despite her supreme stalling techniques (you’re not divorced yet, we should probably speak to the children blah blah), hearing Liza say, ‘my answer is, I love you’, my jaw hit the floor. I’m sorry, did Liza Miller just declare her feelings openly and directly and with absolute certainty??? We’re 33 seconds into the new season and I AM SHOOKETH DARREN. 

Speaking of declaring feelings openly and directly, I love absolutely everything about this opening scene. The music choice was perfect and really helped build the moment, as Charles told Liza he understands her hesitation before un-asking her to marry him (so that when the she’s made her mind she can pop the question - I kid you not, this has always been my dream...). The music cutting out and just hearing the crickets as Liza asks if he’s really withdrawing the proposal, his quip about her having to make the next move, assuming he’s still on the market (I love/hate this foreshadowing btw), it is Charles/Liza banter at its best and my sappy heart was soaking up every morsel. Throw in some CGI fireworks and the observation that they are sign (which may or may not play out at a later date) and you have yourself a pretty darn near perfect start to Younger’s final season.

Speaking of talking openly and directly, one of the staples of the Youngerverse, the Maggie morning debrief, is back as our way to gain insight into the thoughts, feelings and ponderings of Liza. Straight off the bat I am very pleased that Maggie has fully committed to ‘Chaz’ for Charles and I’m even happier that we actually hear these two talking about what’s going on because honestly, the last couple of seasons the Maggie/Liza convos, which we traditionally rely on heavily to know where Liza is at and to hear Maggie’s sage/sometimes terrible advice, have been skimmed over or felt rushed. We are also reminded that Liza has indeed seen Charles’ goods (the Empiriconda, she’s meaning the Empiriconda) and that the sex is hot, because we need to have all the information on top of the declarations of love to highlight how their relationship is pretty much perfect so that what transpires is even more painful.

Other things that are painful include the fact that Diana will be decidedly absent for most of the season (to be fair scheduling/covid are pretty legit reasons and in ep 1 we can chalk that up to her honeymoon, so more lamenting on that later), but early on it provides some pretty fab Lauren Diva-worshiping. Donning a baroque print Moschino suit that would’ve made Fran Fine jealous, Lauren is clearly distracted by the responsibility of her interim role at Empirical, as her mother frets about the theme for her 30th birthday party over face-time.

Keeping up the chaotic energy, we also discover that Kelsey has to go and let Quinn know she no longer needs her money (these characters’ ongoing relationship with the woman who has tried to ruin all of them at some point really needs unpacking with a good therapist at this stage) and Josh is in full frantic dad mode because he thinks Clare is trying to kidnap Gemma (lol that Lauren straight up calls her out on it later). Two quick points here:1) love seeing this side of Josh and 2) love Kelsey’s calm, measured reassurance that of course Clare would want her family to meet Gemma. I will say though, Josh meeting Rob for the first time when he’s about to go with Clare and Gemma to Ireland and hearing this guy he doesn’t know from a bar of soap exclaim, ‘I’m just in love with your daughter’ was super unfair. Not cool Clare, not cool. 

Kelsey keeps her cool as she breaks the news of her change of heart to our fave resident villain, who comes complete with a bowl of fortune cookies she ominously encourages Kelsey to consult while also enjoying her own fortune, ‘a new love will come into your life’. It’s all very OTT and ridiculous in it’s obvious foreshadowing and I am here for every minute of it because I sincerely love to hate Quinn very much.

My love of all things over the top is further fed by Lauren entering Diana’s office and making her way to the desk - the music, the way Lauren looks at the framed picture of Diana and Enzo before relegating it to the drawer, any moment I was expecting her to utter ‘my precious’ as she became more and more entranced by the power of the neckwear, before Liza abruptly broke the spell by asking what she was doing and warned her off her consideration of claiming Diana’s office as her own. Very much appreciated the continuity later in the episode when Liza is very distressed that Lauren has gone full-Trout with the chunky baubled ornament around her neck, though Lauren is less Invasion of the Body Snatchers and more Nancy Drew at this point, as she has caught wind of Charles’ proposal while reviewing video footage from Diana’s wedding which she decided, for some reason, to show Josh, who was ‘still not interested’ (we hear your words Josh but your face says otherwise). I am very on board the Liza/Lauren dynamic and their ‘circle of trust’ as Liza asks that Lauren keep the proposal to herself (we really haven’t seen the friendship between these two much) and Liza’s gratitude, ‘Thank you...Di-va’, is hilarious, as is the response, ‘my pleasure, Queen’.

We get many fine moments in the office this ep, the first meeting when there are formal announcements and speeches made welcoming Kelsey back...to a conference room of Charles, Liza, Lauren and a random guy we’ve never seen or heard from before and never will again it seems. It makes me laugh that every person in the room except the dude we’ll never know already knows everything but hey, formality is important I guess? The pitch for ‘Little Women in Space’ by an author played by an actress who is friends IRL with Sutton Foster and they were in the musical Little Women together is honestly too much but also just the right amount and this show does meta so well (not to mention Lauren’s excited outburst upon realising her party theme plus her making sure Liza knows that she knows about the proposal. Subtle as a sledgehammer is our Lauren). 

One not-so-fine moment is the extremely out of left field resignation of Zane followed by the completely douchey moment of him breaking up with Kelsey via face-time with the line, ‘I love you Kelsey, take care’. I’m sorry, what?? On the one hand, I get it that CMD wasn’t available for the season so in some respects better to deal with it swiftly and move on, but it was very abrupt and strange. I had zero investment in the pairing so it doesn’t overly affect my viewing, but any fans out there shipping those two, are you ok? Because that was a brutal way for a pairing to simply cease to exist.

So we have I love yous being thrown around by Kelsey and Zane as they break up because that makes sense (in retrospect I should’ve seen what was coming because these words clearly mean NOTHING *breathes deeply, exhales slowly*) but thank goodness Liza is there to comfort Kelsey, whose statement that she really doesn’t care would be a lot more convincing if she wasn’t crying inconsolably. We get a beautiful transition from Kelsey’s office to Charles’ with a sweeping aerial shot across the autumnal canopy of Central Park along with the gentle music adding to the relaxed pacing of the episode. Liza doesn’t want it to be weird between her and Charles now that the proposal is out there (well actually, its 100% in her court but yes), so he reassures her it’s not weird at all by planting a kiss on her that almost triggers the sprinklers because friends, it is HOTTT. Cue super cute exchange about pro and cons lists, lovingly looking into one another’s eyes and then, another ‘ I love you’ from Liza to Charles followed by Charles responding, ‘I love you too’, and despite my deceased status at this point, it was magical. But also WHAT. IS. HAPPENING. 

These two are so enamoured with one another and it’s as though it’s something they just say to each other all the time, but this is literally the first episode we’ve heard any kind of expression of feelings to one another since the season 6 premiere and even then it wasn’t this direct; Liza ran away and Charles told her he didn’t mind not being at the office because he did it for the woman he loves followed by a cute story about how he can do maths because he’s had feelings for her for 16 years. Don’t get me wrong, the entire scene this episode was perfect and it was SO well done in the way it captured the best parts of their dynamic (damn you Darren Star for being so good at what you do), but it also felt like we were being shown the dream version of what could have been before it’s all snatched away.

Not unlike Millennial, which is like naming a business Boomer Print according to the table of boomers at the investor meeting who blindside Kelsey and Charles by voting to restore the name Empirical (head boomer has clearly had it with millennials, indicated by his statement, ‘who gives a shit about millennials any more?’) and so it is done and Kelsey is officially having a very bad week. It is while enjoying a quiet bourbon in the bar that evening that Charles is joined by Quinn, who is allegedly on her apology tour to explain to investors why she dropped out of the Senate race, but also offers Charles what seems to be a sincere apology for treating his company like a toy (prediction: nothing is ever as it seems with Quinn). I have a confession to make and believe me, I don't like it any more than you do - they absolutely nailed the set up of tension and a little bit of a spark between Charles and Quinn in this scene IMO and I...I *whispers* I liked it.

What I liked even more was Lauren’s completely in character entrance to her own birthday party, omg it’s so ridiculous and perfectly her and Denise telling her daughter, ‘fix your crotch, good girl’ had me chuckling. I feel like we’re getting Kelsey’s set up for the season at this party too, as she’s feeling unsure of what defines her now, and the conversation about defining things carries over into Josh and Liza’s chat when he asks her if congratulations are in order. This exchange between the two of them is just lovely, with Liza clearly feeling a little awkward talking to Josh about Charles, but Josh reassures her that he does like him, for her, and that it brings him joy to know she’s happy. They agree that their relationship doesn’t need to be defined, and that they'll always be in each others’ lives no matter who they’re with. It feels very final for their romantic relationship and I would be celebrating the end of the triangle had I not clocked Josh’s fallen expression as Liza walks away. I really do hope that Josh finds someone he loves and who loves him the way he wants to be loved this season. Josh’s words gave Liza some clarity of her own and so we find ourselves at the magnificent Seaglass Carousel, home of Liza and Charles’ first proper date, once more.

Charles is clearly full of hope and expectation as he meets Liza and they remember the time he and the beard we try to forget about brought her there and it’s all amazing and beautiful and...*collects self*...Liza tells him that she just wants to keep riding the perfect ride. She once again tells him she loves him (we’re up to three times in one ep now for those of you playing at home), that all she wants is his heart and that she wants to be happily unmarried to him every day. To say this does not go down the way she is expecting is an understatement; we learn that Charles doesn’t want a ride, he wants to get off the carousel and not live in a fantasy. He believes in marriage whereas she believes they are now finally free and folks, this is why you talk about your stance on marriage in a relationship BEFORE you pop the question out of nowhere at someone’s wedding. 

You can see on his face, as Liza says she doesn’t want to define their relationship by the rules and obligations of marriage, that he’s hearing that she is not all in (whether that’s true or not) and he thanks her for letting him know what’s in her heart. You know the bit that actually plunges the knife into my heart? Charles shaking his head as Liza says his name, clearly overcome with emotion, before he kisses her on the head looking as though his world has just come crumbling down around him. That knife just gets twisted even further as Liza is left there in disbelief, (we are all Liza in that moment honestly), trying to process how her own declaration could be so easily rejected. You know, I knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it any less painful. I can see it from both perspectives and I have no doubt that these two characters have a lot they need to address and work through as a result of their own failed marriages if they’re going to have healthy relationships moving forward. 

I tell you what, after so long with no new episodes, this first episode of the season was concurrently beautiful and heart-breaking and one thing’s for certain - this final ride ain’t gonna be smooth. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m just going to go and regain some composure so we can start on ep 2...

Season 6 ramble collection can be found here

[mattzerella-sticks]

metamorphosis

Chapter 2 (ao3)

Prologue (ao3) (tumblr)

What if, when Jack was born, he stayed a baby?

A retelling of season 13, with a few key differences.

No planned schedule, will update when I finish chapters lol

Chapter 2 - Sam I

           Sam cursed Jack’s aim as he hit him directly on his chest. The pee immediately soaked through the fabric, Sam suffering its unnatural warmth. He blindly groped for anything nearby to shove atop Jack and staunch the flow from his bladder before it spread too far. He gently pressed a motel towel down, Jack giggling all the while as he ruined it much like he did Sam’s shirt. “Seriously?” Sam sighed, “Couldn’t have done this earlier?” Jack answered with more laughter, kicking his feet in the air to punctuate his glee. Seeing his joyful wriggling lessened Sam’s exasperation. “Okay… It was kind of funny,” he told Jack. Then, leaning closer, “Next time, do it when Dean changes you… if he ever changes you.” Sam faltered, smile drooping slightly. He adjusted to cover that momentary lapse, his expression softer. “You done?” Jack stuck his fist in his mouth, babbling around stubby digits. Sam, hesitantly, lifted the towel away from Jack. There’s no active peeing, but the large stain on the towel was not something Sam wanted to see. Dissimilar to his shirt, it’s unsalvageable. “Damn – darn, darn it!”

           Tossing the towel over his shoulder, stain-side up, Sam finished fastening Jack’s diaper. His nose scrunched from the wafting odor, and he audibly gagged because of it. Leaving Jack on the bed, Sam whipped the towel off and dumped it into a waiting trash bin. Then he wrapped his fingers along the bottom hem of his shirt to take it off in one swift move.

           Dean returned partway through this struggle. He whistled, slamming the door behind him. “Stripping for the baby?” he chuckled darkly, his eyes dull and his grin vicious, “Not what I imagined when I told you to go nuts with him…” Dean emptied his pockets onto the room’s lone table, tugging his necktie free when done.

           Sam ignored him, balling his shirt between twitching fingers. “So,” he started, “did you figure out if we’ve got a case or not?” He opened his duffel, zipper ripping through the silence of what he chose not to say.

           Dean shrugged, stepping out of his leather agent shoes, chair held for leverage. “Maybe,” he coughed, “A connection, something…”

           Sam paused, temple creasing from the sudden onset of a migraine. He closed his eyes, grip tightening on the unstained button-down in his hands. “A maybe…” he repeated, quieter, “then you’re not sure?”

           “I’ve got a hunch,” Dean growled, “and we’re not leaving ‘till I at least make certain of it.”

           Closing his eyes, Sam rocked back on his heels. He rubbed his neck, feeling every strain and ache from the past few days weighing on his body. “Of course we aren’t.”

           Dean used the same excuse when they arrived, and with each delivery it became increasingly unflinching and stubborn. During its first appearance, Sam rightfully challenged him. He cornered Dean outside the motel’s lobby, demanding why they pulled off the highway instead of continuing their journey home, to the Bunker. Dean explained, “There’s been a few deaths in town, our M.O.” Sam’s unsure how he learned this. He guessed, during Dean’s shift in the passenger seat, he feigned unconsciousness to scour the web. “Figured we’d scope it out and gank whatever summ’na’bitch’s wreaking havoc.” Sam, exasperated, reminded Dean of the little bundle with immeasurable power somehow asleep in Baby’s backseat despite Dean’s atypical car door slamming during his exit. “What?” Dean asked, his voice a dark and stormy sound that rattled Sam’s bones like lightning, “Dad hunted with you when you were his age. It’ll be fine.”

           Now, hearing about Dean’s ‘hunch’, Sam ground his teeth and refrained from speaking his mind. He told himself that this case, Dean’s attitude, was part of the healing process. Some point down the line, Dean will be in a better place where he wouldn’t have to handle his brother with kid gloves. Only days have passed since they lost their mom, an ally, a virtual stranger, and their best friend. If Sam applied pressure too fast, too hard, he might crack Dean’s already fractured well-being into a larger mess where there’d be no hope of repairing. He shouldn’t take any unnecessary risks with his brother’s well-being.

           “So?” Sam asked, doing up his new shirt, playing along. “What’s this hunch you have?”

           “Well, when I checked the victims’ houses for haunting signs, I came up empty,” Dean said, hopping into his jeans, “Turned my thinking around, started asking if there were any connections between the two stiffs and, apparently, both were seeing the same therapist.” He fastened the button of his jeans, then moved to dig out some shirts. “Some woman named Mia Vallens. They’d been seeing her, separately, because both had – uh… had lost someone in their lives.”

           “What are you thinking then? Revenant? Shifter?”

           “Not sure,” he said, “But that won’t stop me.”

           Sam’s eyes floated behind his eyelids, “Please don’t go in guns blazing.”

           Dean scoffed, thumb lightly brushing the hammer of his gun; unholstered, ever since he started changing outfits. “I’m not that reckless. Thought I’d snoop around, y’know? Get a sense what kind of monster she is before I put a bullet between her eyes. That way I don’t get it wrong and tip her off.” He slipped into an old flannel, worn at the elbows from use, and gestures at his outfit. “You think this is good enough?”

           Sam huffed, “For what?”

           “For therapy?”

           “Pretty sure there isn’t a dress code for therapy,” he snickered, “Is this why you didn’t just go straight there?”

           Dean nodded, “Figured a badge and gun might make her antsy, raise unwanted suspicion. Going in as a new patient’ll help me fly under her radar.” He paused, clearly thinking about what he will say next. He swung his keys around his pointer finger, metal jingling with every spin. “Plus,” he added, “wanted to check in, see if you were ready to join me. United front and all that… going in blind’d be better with two bodies rather than one.”

           “Dean, it’s just therapy.”

           “Don’t remind me.”

           Sam shook his head, glancing at Jack. The young boy watched them with keen interest, golden brown eyes unblinking as they studied them; like he understood what they discussed. Sam discarded this thought in his next breath. He might have ancient power coursing through him, but he’s not even a week old. “You know I can’t,” he started, “Someone has to be here with Jack.” Since Dean refused to do it, Sam’s stayed in the motel for most of this case.

           Dean’s attempt to appear cheerful dispersed like smoke, familiar dreariness scarring his features. “Kid’ll be fine by himself for an hour or two,” he muttered.

           A vein throbbed in his forehead, forcing Sam’s eye to twitch. “He’s not a kid. He’s a baby.”

           “He’s part angel.”

           “That doesn’t change anything,” Sam seethed, “Actually, that makes it more important we don’t let him out of our sight! There’s no telling what he can do, or what might happen if we left him alone for even a second! So, sorry if I can’t run off at the drop of a pin to play hunter because I have more important things to worry about. Things that you should be worrying about, too!”

           Dean recoiled like he’s been slapped, squeezing the keys so hard Sam can see his hand visibly tremble. Regret rose to his ankles and then, as if a dam broke, it’s at his neck and Sam struggled to breathe. He looked from Dean to Jack, the baby’s stare was still trained on Sam like he waited to see what he will say next. Like Sam will have an answer that fixed everything, pleased everyone.

           All Sam could give was a compromise.

           “I’ll come with,” he said, gaze trapped on his feet below, “Jack will, too. That’s the best I can offer.”

           Sam’s resolve stayed firm. He flexed his toes against the carpet as the silence dragged on, Dean obviously warring with himself over whether to accept Sam’s terms or storm out like Sam feared he might. The tension snapped with a high-pitched squeal from Jack, followed by some more clapping that had Dean saying, “Fine. Hurry up, then.” He didn’t lift his head until the door closed behind Dean and it’s him and Jack left in the room.

           Visibly deflating, Sam selfishly took a moment to gather his thoughts. Once he felt a semblance of normalcy, he began gathering what he needed. Sam hurriedly finished dressing, throwing on his jacket and almost tripped shoving his feet into some boots. Then, he returned to what he was doing earlier, helping Jack into his tiny shirt and overalls. Sam set Jack aside in the baby carrier, focusing on assembling the baby bag and slinging it onto his shoulder.

           Dean sat in the driver’s seat, engine running. He revved it as a warning while Sam safely tucked Jack in the back, Sam glaring at Dean’s dead-eyed expression in the rearview. His irritation ebbed by the time he joined Dean up front. The passenger side door barely closed, and Dean hit the pedal. Sam buckled his seatbelt after Dean peeled out of the parking lot.

           They reached the therapist’s office at record speed. During their drive, Sam kept a careful eye on both the speedometer and Jack, his gaze bouncing between the two, ensuring they were where they should be. There were few instances where Dean sped, testing Sam’s patience. But Sam would clear his throat, and the needle rebounded into lower numbers.

           Dean, in an act of revenge for Sam’s nitpicking, abandoned him for the therapist’s office without any offer to help once they parked. Although Sam wondered if it should count, since Sam hadn’t expected Dean to go out of his way and help him, regardless of how Dean caved when it came to bringing Jack. He fleetingly considered this, but ultimately decided it didn’t matter. He needed to hurry.

           Alone, Sam balanced the baby bag and Jack’s carrier in his hands. He chased after Dean, climbing the steps as a man, tall, white and utterly average, descended. They bumped shoulders, Sam mumbling an apology on reflex. He heard the passerby say something while Jack spewed raspberries in response. He didn’t give it more thought than that.

           Sam found Dean near the front desk, angrily slamming on a concierge bell. “C’mon, c’mon…” he grumbled, “it’s way past lunch break.”

           “Dean…” Sam stormed towards his brother, dropping the baby bag as he slammed Dean’s hand atop the ringing bell. “Quit it.”

           “What?” Dean barked, “Not like I’m annoying anyone.” He gestured around the waiting room, sweeping his arm to show Sam all the vacant seats pushed against the walls. “Am I?”

           “Actually, if you rang that bell at least three more times, I’d’ve gotten a headache.” A woman stepped into view, her dark skin glistening under the fluorescent lighting. She wore an oversized, orange turtleneck and a long skirt with pointed boots peeking out at the hem, adorned with rings, a necklace, and a barrette clipped in her afro puff hairdo. She forced a polite expression on her face, pocketing her hands in the folds of her skirt. “Can I help you with anything?”

           “Yeah,” Dean said, “We’re looking for the doc. You know if she’s in?”

           “I do.”

           She walked behind the front desk, ignoring Sam and Dean rather than finish speaking. Dean briefly glanced at Sam before clearing his throat. She stopped rifling through papers, arching her brow. It’s not likely she’ll do more without some prompting. “Well,” Dean growled, “where is she?”

           She huffed, fiddling with one of the rings on her fingers. Sam noted how it, like all the other pieces of her jewelry, was gold. “You’re looking at her,” she said, “I thought that was obvious.”

           “Not really,” Dean said, “I mean, you’re not even wearing a white coat!”

           Whatever expression Sam made Mia mirrored. Jack, meanwhile, giggled and shifted in his carrier, delighted by Dean’s idiocy. Jack’s carrier swung from the force of his mirth, forcing Sam to readjust his grip. As he did that, Sam used his other hand to pinch Dean’s wrist and forced his brother’s attention onto him. “That joke wasn’t funny the first time.” Dean rolled his eyes at Sam, then wretched himself free from Sam’s hold. Sam steered the conversation from there, “Sorry about him. We were here wondering if you might have an opening today?”

           Dean coughed, mumbling to himself. “Looks like she might…” He parried Sam’s scowl with a jerkish smirk.

           Mia glossed past Dean’s comment, folding her arms across her chest as she studied them. “I was actually about to close early,” she said, “had a lot of cancellations and… I’ve got some errands to run” –

           “Please,” Sam tried, leaning far into her personal space as he could without climbing the desk. “My brother was supposed to make an appointment, but with the move and everything it, uh… slipped his mind.” He dialed his puppy dog features to their highest setting, blasting her with his best Labradoodle. “When we left town, our previous therapist said falling back into a routine was the most important thing once we settled. It was hard enough getting him to go the first time, and with the baby I didn’t want him to become an excuse to not go back because we… we were doing really good, before.” Every lie did better when sprinkled with the truth, covering up the bitter taste. From what he saw, Mia ate every word and didn’t gag or wince.

           “Well…” She sighed, smoothing her hands down her sweater, “I guess I can squeeze you in. Come on.”

           Mia led them into the next room, leaving behind the non-descript lobby furniture and peeling yellow wallpaper for a cozier space. Sam scanned the area, noting pictures and degrees hanging on rogue-painted walls alongside other knick-knacks cluttering the space. Other than the door they entered from, the only exits Sam saw were twin windows covered by heavy drapes on either side of a dark fireplace and an unmarked door to the side. He made sure to stay wary of that door, in case uninvited guests might stroll in.

           Sam sat on the edge of a plush sectional, placing Jack beside him. Dean seized the chair nearest Sam, collapsing into it and leaving Mia with the last available chair across from them. They’re separated by a magazine-laden coffee table. “Pretty swanky duds you have here, doc,” Dean told her, poking one of the magazines, “must say I am disappointed there’s not any of those beds that they showed in the movies.”

           “Yes, well, I find a lot of how therapists and therapy is portrayed on film leaves much to be desired…” She shifted, throwing a leg over her knee and laying a notebook she pulled from elsewhere on her lap. “Among other things.” She spoke so quietly, Sam almost missed it. “Anyway,” she cleared her throat, “before we get into our session, I do want to mention that even though I am a therapist, my specialization is in helping patients overcome grief-related trauma relating to deaths of loved ones. Is that okay, Mr…?”

           “Just Sam is fine. And yeah, better than okay, actually,” Sam said, “What finally convinced my brother to finally start therapy is because we lost someone very close to us.” Dean visibly tensed, clawing at the chair’s arms with enough pressure Sam feared he might rip it. Distracted, Sam faltered halfway through his spiel. He recovered enough in his next breath to finish it. “Our mom… she passed.” Hearing about their mom caused Dean to relax considerably, into a familiar apprehension. Sam’s confusion, in response, deepened.

           “I’m sorry for you loss.” The perfunctory statement rolled off her tongue as expected. At least it sounded sincere. “How recently did she pass?”

           Sam grimaced. “Uh… a few months back?”

           “Although,” Dean chuckled, “it still feels like it was only yesterday.” His chest puffed up, goaded by the reproachful glance Sam shot his way. “What? It’s what I’m feeling. And ain’t that what therapy’s all about? Discussing what I’m feeling.”

           “Yes, it is.” Mia scribbled a quick note in her journal, frowning. “However, sharing your feelings is not mandatory.” Dean sunk into his seat, knees bumping against the coffee table. Mia jotted another line to her observations. She pointed at Jack with her pen, “And him? What’s his story?”

           “Jack?” Sam asked. He glanced at the baby, hand reflexively reaching for the carrier’s handle. He paused midway, instead slipping into it to pull Jack’s fist out of his mouth. “We took him in after a… a family friend passed during childbirth.”

           “That’s very unfortunate,” she nodded, “and… coincidental.”

           “Yeah, losing our moms around the same time isn’t the best of things to have in common but…” Sam bit his lower lip, confidence wavering on whether he should finish. The words teetered in his mind, rocking back and forth. He pressed on a side, tipping it over and into existence. “I mean, I guessed that was part of the reason we decided to look after him. I might not remember what it was like, growing up without a mom, but I knew it wasn’t easy for me” –

           “Excuse me,” Mia interrupted, drawing Sam away from Jack to her. He kept his thumb and forefinger looped around Jack’s wrist. “You didn’t grow up with your mom?”

           Sam winced, shrugging in response. He tried tagging Dean in, to help explain, but his brother had a faraway gleam in his eye that matched his childish pout. Sam realized he was on his own for now. “After I was born, she… she left,” Sam told her, “Without a trace one night. My dad he… it devastated him, broke him in some way that he couldn’t get past. Like, up until he died, he refused to believe she left him like that, by choice, and kept going on about how she died, and every day we were alive was for her, to do right by her. And because of this I only knew of our mom through stories he and, sometimes, Dean would share… but then one day Dean he… he happened to run into her.” He rubbed at his neck, head bowed so the fringe of his bangs shielded his eyes. “And she’s back in our lives. Just like that.”

           “How did that make you feel? Having her back?”

           “Weird,” he said, “There’s this woman who says that she’s my mom, and I believed it at first. But then, the more I learned about her, the less it felt like she and the mother I grew up with, the… the ghost of her, were the same person?”

           “It’s common for adults to have difficulty in reconciling the image of the mother in their heads with the person they actually are,” Mia said, “Kids take their parents for granted, a lot of times forgetting that they have a life outside of their children’s concerns, and this continues despite growing out of adolescence.”

           Dean huffed in agreement, “Ain’t that the truth.” Sam tamped down the urge to punch him, to make him behave.

           “So Sam,” Mia pointed with her pen, “did this disconnect affect how you processed your mother’s death?”

           “Uh…” He asked himself the same question. Sam’s brows dipped into a shallow grave above his head. “Maybe,” he answered her, “But not in the way you might think? Like… I missed her, back before, but I didn’t know her. Now I miss her but I… I got to know her? She’s more than my mother, to me. And that’s… I’m happy I got to know her before she died. Still, I feel a little guilty because why should I… she’s my mom, she died, and I shouldn’t be happy, should I?”

           “Have you considered that instead of happiness,” Mia says, “what you’re feeling is closure?”

           “Closure?”

           She planted both feet on the ground, now, bent forward as she expanded on her point. “Your mother was a mystery for most your life. A puzzle with most of the pieces missing. Then, she comes back and with her are those little pieces that complete the picture for you. Suddenly your mother isn’t much of a ghost or an ideal. She’s a person” –

           “So what?” Dean chimed in, “This was some cosmic joke, then? Have her kick up some dust long enough we form a connection with her, fill in a few blanks, and then poof? She’s no longer needed?”

           “It’s unfortunate what happened to your mother,” Mia stressed, good mood tempered by Dean’s outburst, “but comfort can be found in closure. My patients lost people in their lives suddenly, like you did, but there’s a gap in their healing because a lot of times there were words or feelings never expressed that they still clung to, that if they had a few more seconds, they would have gotten off their chests.” She turned to Sam, directing her next question at him. “Is there anything you think wasn’t said between you and your mother before she died?”

           He reflected. Sam parsed through the leaflet of memories he collected of him and his mother, wondering if, within them, there is a moment of regret where he bit his tongue when he shouldn’t have. There were none. “No, I don’t…” he mumbled, “I don’t think there was.” Sam’s lips curled into a tepid smile. “That’s weird.”

           “How so?”

           “I guess I’m not used to closure, is all,” he sighed, “for most of our lives, things and… and people – it all tends to be cut short. Usually, we’ve got to keep our heads up high and move on. Like with…” Sam trailed off, Eileen’s name caught in his teeth. He refused to let Eileen go and swallowed her name into the murky depths of his soul along with the other things he didn’t think about, where he stored everything that was in the way of doing his job. Because that’s what they’re here for, led there by Dean’s hunch. He couldn’t forget that. Mia’s stare burned on his profile, waiting for him to continue. He will be disappointing her. Jack’s tugging on his finger, sticking it in his mouth as he gummed it and guided Sam free from his stupor. Sam forced his mind to settle by wading into safer waters. “That might be another reason why we took Jack in. His mother… we knew how much she’d regret not being there for him. So by giving him a home, a family who will love him… I’m hoping it gives her comfort wherever she is. Or closure, as you might put it.”

           “God,” Dean groaned, slamming his head on the chair’s backboard, “If I have to hear that word one more time, I swear I’m gonna scream.”

           Mia’s journal was open again and rapidly taking notes, her attention diverted towards Dean. “I’m guessing that’s not how you’re feeling about all this, then?”

           “Like what? Like everything’s wrapped up in a neat little bow?”

           “If that’s how you wish to describe it.”

           “Well it’s not,” Dean spat, “It’s a big mess of string that’s tangled with no hope of ever being untangled! In fact, it’s like the more effort we go into untangling it, the messier it gets, and the larger it gets, spreading past us and mucking up everyone else in our lives!”

           Mia didn’t seem fazed by Dean’s tantrum, and Sam wondered if she truly is a monster like Dean suspected. If Sam were in her place, he wouldn’t know how he’d have maintained composure when dealing with his brother acting like a damned ass. There’d be blood splattered everywhere by now. “In my professional experience, many times we believe we’re ‘untangling’ the mess in our lives… it’s actually the opposite.”

           “You saying I did this to myself?”

           “What I’m saying is that… messes in our lives happen because of misunderstandings and miscommunication. We assume something about another person and act according to these assumptions, only to find out those were wrong, and we dig a bigger hole for ourselves. We lie because we believe it’s easier than the truth, and we hold in things we think don’t need to be said because there’s a misbelief they might not matter.”

           “Trust me, doc, things were definitely said,” Dean seethed, crossing his arms. He broke their staring contest, Sam surprised at the momentary flash of hurt that radiated from Dean’s gaze. Dean smothered it immediately, returning with hardened steel. “And maybe things that weren’t said were that way for a good reason, to not rock the boat… or mess up something that was already better than I thought I could have…” He blanched, face paling in realization of what, Sam guessed, he hadn’t meant to say. With this new awareness, Dean won’t give more than he already had. He stayed as he is, frozen in stubbornness.

           Sam wished he would. His forehead pounded, the beat of his heart loud in his eardrums. It didn’t sound like Dean was talking about their mother, but he can’t exactly name who Dean meant with his latest revelation.

           Mia had the same inklings. She’s better prepared, and perfectly distanced, to needle him about it. “Are you dealing with more than your mother’s loss?” she asked, “Did you lose someone else? Or… were you close with Jack’s mother, before she passed?”

           Dean deflated, anger whooshing out of him like a burst balloon. “It’s nothing.”

           “Because if there is something you wish to say, to someone,” Mia says, “I do have methods and exercises you can try that will help you work through these feelings” –

           “I said it’s nothing, okay?” He stood, body rigid and tense like a taut bowstring. “I think we’re done here.”

           Sam rose, too, ready to disagree. The thin press of Dean’s mouth warned Sam he shouldn’t argue. He accepted an early defeat, but in his own way. “Thank you, Doctor Vallens,” he said, offering his hand to her, “I’m sorry about my brother and his… assness, but this was a great session.”

           “I’m used to people like him,” she said, accepting the gesture and pumping his hand twice. Mia moved onto Dean. She’s the bigger person, holding her hand out for a handshake. “If you weren’t too put off by my methods, maybe we can work on what’s bothering you in another session?”

           Dean smiled, seizing her hand. “Trust me, I’m capable of finding that on my own.”

           Mia shouted, reeling backwards. In her haste she drops her journal, too concerned with touching the red welt burning on her hand. “What did you” –

           “Silver bullet,” Dean said, wiggling the ammunition. He uncovered his gun and loaded the bullet back inside it. “Only silver thing I had on me that you wouldn’t notice.” Dean shifted his stance, holding tight to his gun’s handle with a finger hovering near the trigger. “Though I bet you’ll notice it better after I’ve blasted it into your skull.”

           “No, no!” Mia pleaded, stumbling behind her chair, building distance between her and Dean, “You don’t have to do this!”

           “Oh, I think I do,” Dean growled, advancing, “otherwise you’ll just keep going on killing.”

           “What? I’m not – I haven’t killed anyone!”

           “Right, like I’m supposed to believe that.”

           He might not, but Sam did. He leapt between them, quickly disarming Dean. Sam twisted Dean’s wrist until he dropped the gun into Sam’s waiting hand. “Stop it.”

           “What the hell?” Dean yelled at him, massaging his sore wrist, “Sam, what do you even think you’re doing?”

           “Hearing her out,” he said. Sam, on instinct, glanced behind himself at Mia. She hadn’t run. She didn’t flinch when their eyes locked. As they did, Sam saw an apprehensive trust hidden within her eyes. Sam wouldn’t comment on it, to try and ease her fear. He was still a hunter. He still had the gun. His opinion might change, and she might need to spring into defensive mode again when Sam levelled the weapon at her. “You’re not human,” Sam pointed out what’s already obvious.

           Her shoulders tensed. Mia straightened to her full height; her expression now free of any earlier fear. “I’m not.”

           “What are you?”

           “A shifter.”

           “Are you actually a therapist?” Dean asked, an incredulous lilt to his tone. He jerked his thumb at the wall of degrees Sam noticed before. “Or did you shift into this poor doctor’s life after you killed her.”

           “Yes, I am a therapist,” she told them, palpable anger coloring her tone. Dean finally struck a nerve. “These are all mine… went to a lot of trouble getting them. But I did my time, like everyone else.”

           “Except you’re not like everyone else,” Dean said, “are you?” Mia’s lips flattened into a tight line, a refusal to answer. Dean continued, not expecting her to. “Okay, can we shoot her now?”

           “Shut up, Dean.” Sam snapped the safety of the gun on, then tucked it inside his waistband. He directed his next question to Mia, “Do you know why we’re here?”

           “I guess therapy was a cover?” she scoffed, stepping out of her hiding spot. Sam nodded. Mia chuckled low in her throat, shaking her head. “Of course… dammit I should have – I should have known what you were from the moment you walked in… And I didn’t think there’d be any harm in one last session before I left town altogether” –

           “Leaving town?” Dean jumped onto that last statement, clinging to it, “Only guilty people leave, y’know.”

           “This isn’t my fault. Those deaths, they weren’t my fault,” she argued, “I’m a victim in this as much as they are.”

           “Sure, right…” Dean angled his head away from Mia, muttering in Sam’s ear, “Seems like she knows about the deaths, and she’s a shifter. If you keep distracting her, I can sneak the gun out of your pocket and –“

           “No, Dean.”

           “What the hell is wrong with you?”

           “I could ask you the same thing.” A hot wave of fury blistered Dean’s face, transforming the terrain and leaving a barren, ashen wasteland in its trail. Dean stormed away from him but didn’t move far. He hovered by the door to the lobby, fiddling with a wooden statue. Sam let him. That he remained in the room spoke more to his willingness of hearing Mia’s story than anything he’s said this past hour. Sam turned to her, “You were aware of the deaths in town?”

           “They were my patients,” she said, “They’re always my patients.”

           “Always?” Sam asked, “Has this happened before?”

           “In about every town I moved to in the past two years.” Mia sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose as she wandered towards the fireplace. He watched her grab a box of cigarettes and a lighter from atop it. “Mind if I?”

           Sam thought of Jack, about his little lungs. He almost denied her, except Dean cut in and shrugged, “Sure, why not.” Sam glared at him, nodding his head at the carrier. “What? It’s not like it’ll do any damage to him.” He hated that he’s right. Sam silently gestured his assent to Mia.

           “Thanks.”

           “So,” he said as she lit the cigarette and took a long drag off it, “you set up shop in a town, and at some point… your patients start dying and you have to move?”

           “For my patient’s safety,” she explained, “For my safety. From people like you, and… and him.”

           “Him?” Sam asks, “Who’s him?”

           “My ex, Buddy, that’s who.” She tapped cigarette ash into the fireplace, leaning against it as she told her story. “Another shifter I was dating. He was a nice guy, at first, and, well… it’s not like there are a lot of options when you have to peel off your skin every few hours. Besides my mom, he was the only other shifter I ever knew. We started dating during my graduate program and he… he seemed so supportive. Things changed when I actually started practicing.” Mia began pacing in front of the fireplace now, hand holding the cigarette bouncing with every step. “He started complaining that I never had time for him anymore, that I was letting my hobby push him out of my life, and I was caring more for my patients then our safety.”

           “Why would he say that?”

           “Because he was jealous,” she said. Then, briefly, a sheepishness tints her cheeks. “Also, I might have been using my abilities while practicing?”

           Sam’s uneasiness swiftly returned. “What does that mean?”

           “I told you, how a lot of my patients have things and feelings they wished they’d shared with people who were no longer with them. Sometimes… after I noticed how talking about it or grief journaling could only do so much I – I shifted. Became the person who died, but only so that my patients could unburden themselves of what they carried, that’s all.”

           “Right,” Dean chuckled, “and people bought that, no questions asked?”

           “There’s nothing someone won’t believe if it meant a few more seconds with someone they loved.”

           That shut Dean down better than anything she said all afternoon. Sam didn’t worry too much about his brother’s weighty silence, however, pressing her further for information. “Your ex didn’t appreciate that?”

           “No. Our fighting got so bad, I had to break things off. He was getting… violent. A few days later, the first death happened…” She sucked on the cigarette a final time, discarding it into the soot-covered fireplace beside her. “Since then it’s been the same thing over and over. I leave, find somewhere new to practice, he somehow finds me, then finds out who my patients are, and kills them until I start this fucked-up process over again.”

           “Hey,” Sam motioned to the baby carrier, whispering, “Language.”

           “…Sorry.”

           A silence dragged out in the room as Sam digested her story. He considered it from every angle, taking great pains to ensure his instincts weren’t wrong. That Mia told them the truth, and the real monster was somewhere skulking around town, searching for his next kill. Sam was almost convinced. Something did trouble him, though, keeping him from fully believing her. “It said in the police reports that both victims were killed by people who looked like their dead loved ones… how would Buddy’ve known who they were, let alone who to shift into?”

           “I… I don’t know,” Mia said, “I never knew how he found me… he always… I did my best, staying off social media. I don’t even have a damned website for my practice, or a LinkedIn page!”

           Dean snorted, finally rejoining the conversation, “Maybe he tried doing what we did and played your heartstrings like a fiddle.”

           Sam could kick him for that remark, for it being rude and, unfortunately, being completely plausible. He asked Mia, “Could he?”

           “I…” Mia sighed, rubbing a tired hand across her face, “I want to say no, that I wouldn’t be that much of a fool to do that, but… you two made it work.”

           “Okay,” Sam smiled, “that’s a start. Is there anyone who you’re close to that he might’ve taken the form of? Friends? Coworkers?”

           Mia shook her head, “The only people I speak to on a regular basis are my patients, and I’m the only doctor who works here since I, well… also live here, too.”

           “So that front desk out there?” Dean said, scoffing, “that for show? Or do you find time to shift, shrink, and answer calls?”

           “Oh, no, I have an assistant,” Mia told them. Sam shared a glance with Dean, the same idea building within Sam’s mind reflected in his brother’s eyes. Mia interrupted their silent communication, “No, no, it can’t be Jim.”

           “How sure can you be?”

           “He’s on vacation, right now.”

           Dean chuckled, “Because that’s a bulletproof alibi…”

           “How about this then,” she huffed, smirking, slowly approaching him. “I drove him and his boyfriend to the airport because he didn’t want to leave his car in the parking lot for the next two weeks.” Dean deflated, blanching uncomfortably at her words. He ended their contest, stiffly shifting, facing the wall. She further encroached upon his personal space, “How’s that for an alibi?”

           Dean pinched his red ears, mumbling, “…Seems pretty airtight.”

           Sam, once more, ignored Dean’s strange behavior in favor of continuing his line of questioning. “If it’s not your assistant then it has to be a patient. Is there anyone you’ve seen lately who might have been… off? Maybe they were acting differently than you might remember?”

           “Not that I can say, off the top of my head.”

           “Okay…” Sam said, “Do you have notes that we can look at – if, if that’s not an invasion of privacy, or whatever? Maybe we can establish a pattern or – or see whether there’s differences between sessions based on what you wrote?”

           Mia shook her head, squeezing her elbows as she turned from him. “That’d be a serious invasion of privacy I can’t allow, even if I thought it’d be of any help.” Sam hummed a sour note, tearing a page out his mental notebook as he scrapped another idea. Before he returned to the drawing board, Mia gasped and spun back around. “But,” she continued, “I do have something I think will help. Follow me.” Mia brushed past Sam, heading into the lobby.

           Sam trailed behind her, Dean, too, judging from his footsteps. He paused in the doorway, however, remembering Jack and how he shouldn’t leave him alone. As he was about to double back, he bumped into Dean who hissed, “watch out” while shoving him off. Sam’s gaze dipped low, then, hearing a familiar giggle. Jack beamed up at Sam from his carrier; it gently swinging, held in Dean’s hand. Sam glanced at Dean, his older brother knowing well to avoid the other’s gaze. “What?” Dean mumbled, “Shouldn’t we see what Mia’s doing? For all we know, she’s out the door while we dawdle here…”

           Sam surrendered without a fight here, too. He chose his battles and could see how meaningless it’d be to press now. He filed this away, though, to use for a later date.

           They huddled around Mia in the lobby, at the front desk. She clicked through different tabs on her assistant’s computer. “A while back, we had these teens break in and mess the place up searching for cash, or whatever. I didn’t press any charges – nothing was stolen, and all I had to replace was a window and a few magazines – but Jim didn’t want to come back to work unless I installed some type of security system. I didn’t want to hire someone new so… I caved and got cameras. I never usually bother with them, since they’d do me more harm than good. But given all of us know what’s what…”

           “We can use the cameras to figure out which one of your patients is your ex,” Sam finished her thought, laughing, “that’s perfect!” Both Mia and Dean stared at him with twin, strange expressions on their faces. He cleared his throat, “…Sorry.”

           They lapsed into an anxious silence after. Even Jack fell into a quiet lull, entertained by the pacifier Dean stuffed into his mouth when he set him on the desk. Although his focus, like theirs, was trained on the screen. Together, they watched people – regular people, given how their eyes didn’t flare – walk in and out of frame for longer than Sam would have liked. When it seemed as if they hit another dead end, Sam saw Dean storm into view. “This is us,” he said, Sam’s own figure appearing at the same time the man from earlier had.

           Jack clapped his hands, the pacifier spat from his mouth. Almost like the raspberries he blew at the other man. The stranger craned his neck to smile at Jack, giving the camera a clear view of his face.

           A view of his glowing eyes, too.

           “Him,” Sam tapped the screen, “Who is he?”

           “Travis?” Mia sighed, running a tired hand across her face. “Travis Hodgins. He’s someone I’ve been seeing since… since I started my practice. Lost his daughter to cancer, and his marriage to the grief of it. He was… he was getting better…”

           Sam offered her condolences that Mia shrugged off. “Do you know where he lives?” he asked instead.

           “Yeah, it’s not that far from here…”

           Sam looked at Dean, “You want to check it out?”

           “Alone?”

           “Someone has to stay here, in case Buddy comes back,” Sam said, “besides, if he is there, just text me and I’ll find my way to you.”

           Dean didn’t appear too pleased with the orders, but like the soldier he was raised to be, Dean listened regardless. Sam handed Dean his gun and muttered a few quick words of encouragement his brother rebuffed.

           Soon, it was Mia, Sam, and Jack in the lobby, the sun having set some time ago and casting the room into an eerie darkness. They returned to the warmer light of her other room and its many lamps, Mia readying another cigarette while Sam dug through the baby bag for a bottle of milk. He settled beside the carrier, helping Jack onto his lap to better feed him.

           Mia’s shadow stretched over him. She stood behind the couch, nodding at Jack. “Is what you said about him true?” she asked, “Or did you borrow him for the ruse?”

           “He’s ours…” Sam sank into the couch, tilting his head to better meet her guarded stare. “We didn’t know his mom that well, but we were all he had after…” He trailed off, unsure how much he should share. Mia didn’t need to hear the specifics. “After this big… this big blow-out. Cost us his mom… our mom… a few friends” –

           “So you did lose your mom?” she asked, “That wasn’t fake, too?”

           “No…” Sam shifted, discarding the empty bottle on the nearby coffee table. “She died a few days ago, actually.”

           Mia hissed, a harsh cloud of smoke drifting past the space of her clenched teeth. “And you’re here? I heard hunters had to have hard hearts for the job, but that sounds brutal even for me…”

           “It wasn’t my idea to come here,” Sam confessed, “Dean… he kinda hijacked our trip back home. I didn’t like it, but I get it – in a way. He’s coping.”

           “Poorly.”

           “There’re worse things he could be doing, like drinking,” Sam defended his brother, “at least he’s trying to get back to normal. We both are.”

           Mia shrugged in response, drifting towards the fireplace to dump her second cigarette. Sam didn’t mind, busying himself with burping Jack. They existed separately in this space, lost in their own thoughts. Although Sam found himself wanting to reengage with Mia, continuing their conversation so he might better explain their situation. His stomach twisted itself in knots, like he ate bad gas station food, because he felt like she misunderstood him. It was stupid. It was completely unnecessary. It shouldn’t matter what her opinion of them was.

           “It’s not healthy,” he started, slowly rocking Jack in his carrier. Sam watched the little boy as his eyes began to droop, instead of Mia. “You’re right. The fact that Dean and I are still hunting, after everything that’s happened to us – all we lost, all we’ve bled because of the job – we’re insane for waking up the next day and carrying on. But it’s all we know. Our whole lives have been about the hunt. We’ve tried to walk away from it… and it works for a little bit… but somehow we always find ourselves back in the thick of it.” He swallows around a terrifying lump in his throat, of a secret held he never spoke of. “When I was younger, there was nothing I wanted more than to not be a hunter. Now… I don’t see myself doing anything else. This is what I’m supposed to be doing.”

           “And your brother?” Mia asked, “Is this what he wants?”

           Sam, used to speaking for his brother, especially tonight, was at a loss for words. He struggled piecing together an answer. It went down like expired milk. “He’s never said anything to make me doubt otherwise.”

           “I believe that,” she scoffed, “Dean doesn’t seem the chatty type.”

           There’s another half-formed defense waiting in Sam’s arsenal, but his ringing phone reminded Sam where his priorities should be. He answered, “What?”

           “House is empty.”

           “It is?”

           “Except for the rotting corpse of Mr. Hodgins,” he said, “but I don’t think he should count.”

           Sam cursed, bolting upright from his seat. “If he’s not there,” he mumbled, pacing, “then where is he?”

           He heard the gun click before he saw it, felt the cold muzzle of it knock into his head, right above his ear. Mia gasped where she stood, and Dean kept repeating Sam’s name like a siren. Sam glanced to the side, seeing the man from earlier holding the gun. “Put that down,” Buddy ordered, punctuating his threat by shoving the gun even closer.

           Sam nodded, hitting speaker and placing the phone next to Jack’s carrier. As he did, he said, “You roll in from funkytown or something?”

           “Real funny, scumbag,” Buddy chuckled, “why don’t you go and stand next to the bitch who thinks she’s a doctor?” He made it halfway towards Mia when he heard Buddy cluck his tongue at him. “Hold it.” Sam waited, scowling as Buddy’s hand traveled his body, stopping only as he felt the oblong shape of Sam’s gun tucked inside his jacket. Buddy relieved Sam of his weapon, taunting him with it, dangling it in front of his face before dropping it. He kicked Sam’s ass, making him stumble on his path to Mia. “Now get!”

           Buddy hurriedly swarmed he and Mia, crowding them further against the fireplace. The gun wavered. Not enough Sam might risk retaliating, but every few seconds it left him and was trained on Mia. “Look how far you’ve sunken, baby,” Buddy purred, stroking Mia’s chin with the gun, “teaming with hunters? I knew you were a traitor, but I didn’t realize it had gotten this bad.”

           “If anyone’s the traitor, it’s you, Buddy,” Mia said, “breaking my heart. Making me think you were some kind of good guy and not the scuzz you really were.”

           He whipped her hard, the crack reverberating and making Sam’s nerves shake. Blood spurted out of Mia’s nose. She wiped it as she recovered, panting. “You wanna say that again?” Buddy asked.

           Mia bit her tongue, protest visible in her eyes. Buddy readied another blow, but stopped midway when Jack interrupted with a healthy cry. “Well fuck,” he said, as if noticing Jack for the first time, “you’ve done and woke up the baby… happy?”

           “Stop it,” Sam warned, “Don’t you dare go near him.”

           “Or what?” He laughed, inching away from them to where Jack was. “Y’know… I thought hunters had a little more sense than bringing babies on a hunt.” Buddy said. In response, Jack’s voice rose to a pitch that made Sam wince. “Dammit!” Buddy growled, stomping closer to Jack, crouching in front of him. Buddy shook the carrier, “Can you stop that! Can you shut up!” He pointed the gun at Jack, “I swear, if you aren’t quiet in the next second” –

           Sam grabbed the poker almost immediately, slamming it into Buddy with his next breath, powered by adrenaline and instinct. He dropped his weapon to hurl himself at Buddy, next, knocking both them and the couch over. Sam heard the gun fly out of Buddy’s hand, and he punched and punched the other shifter to keep it that way.

           Buddy, anticipating his plan, recovered enough between punches that he dodged one and managed to knock Sam off of him. Sam heard him scramble to his feet, searching for his weapon. Fear, familiar and slick, trickled down his back in millions of droplets of sweat. His mind jolted, quickly, working up an idea that might buy them a few more minutes for Dean to arrive.

           Mia delivered when he couldn’t. “Sam!” she said, drawing his attention. She held his gun and, without saying anything else, she tossed it to him. Sam caught it easily. He aimed for Buddy.

           Except Buddy already had his gun pointed at Sam. “So long, hunter.” Buddy’s finger squeezed the trigger and it fired, the gunshot overpowering Jack’s persistent crying.

           Sam braced for the bullet, wincing preemptively. Instead of his life flashing, all Sam saw was what would happen after. Dean arriving to see Sam failed at stalling Buddy, his lifeless body dripping blood alongside Mia’s and Jack’s, meaning Dean was well and truly alone in the world. Alone because of Sam.

           Except that never happened.

           Sam was still alive when he knew he should be bleeding out. He cracked one eye open, then the other, and noticed the bullet hovering in mid-air, frozen in its path. Suddenly, as if waiting for Sam’s attention, the bullet splintered and exploded into dust. The force from the explosion knocked Buddy backwards, his limp hand dropping the gun again.

           He wasted little time firing two bullets into Buddy’s chest, adding a third for good measure between the eyes.

           Panting, Sam whipped around to Mia. “Are you good?” he asked, advancing.

           Mia, mouth agape and eyes wide, startled free from her trance. “Yeah, yes… I’m good. I…” She never finished her thought, torn, looking at Buddy’s corpse, then to where the bullet exploded.

           Sam carried on and moved to Jack, stepping over the couch to reach him. As he did, he noticed the younger boy’s tantrum lessened since the height of the battle. He appeared tired, his cries weaker with each release. His cheeks were red, and his eyes –

           His eyes were bright gold.

           Sam nearly cursed, stopping himself at the last moment. He extended a hand to Jack, hovering near his face, thinking of the bullet and what Jack’s eyes meant.

           He didn’t dwell on it for long. Dean burst into the room, gun at the ready, his glare darting around the room. “Sam?” he asked, locking eyes with him from the doorway, “What the hell happened in here?”

           Sam didn’t know where he should start.

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[bainhardt]

#RibbonQuest2.0 - Part 3: Master Ball Rank or Bust

It’s kind of poetic, in a way. My very first meeting with Jin, and the beginning of our travels together, was commemorated with the chucking of a Master Ball - a guaranteed capture. It’s a one-of-a-kind ball typically reserved only for one-of-a-kind Pokemon (like Jin). When it comes to capturing Pokemon, the Master Ball stands above the rest as the symbol of infallibility, the promise of success overcoming any and all odds.

Well, we’re gonna need to channel that spirit in our latest challenge, because our success is anything but guaranteed: we have to take on the Master Ball rank in online rated battles for Pokemon Sword and Shield! Among our countless trials and triumphs spanning generations, Jin and I have never actually battled online against other real players. The World Ability Ribbon back in Platinum would’ve been our first foray, but the DS Wi-Fi connection had long been shut down in the time before our quest began.

Keeping with the theme of RibbonQuest2.0, this comes as an unexpected surprise. Jin, like all transfer Pokemon, is ineligible for rated battles; the standardized rules only permit Pokemon born and raised in the gen 8 games. Back when our time in Galar first started, I had never even planned on mentioning the Master Rank Ribbon, simply because we weren’t allowed to try and earn it!

But all of that changed with the release of the Isle of Armor DLC and patch version 1.2. By accepting the reset of your Pokemon’s move pool to only moves compliant with its gen 8 iteration, you’re allowed to mark your transfer Pokemon eligible for rated battles online! The icing on the cake is that Jin’s XD-exclusive purification move, Baton Pass (which I bent over backwards to keep even through all the Pokemon Contests), is now a TR which Farfetch’d can learn anytime. All’s well that ends well, I suppose.

It’s like getting your hand stamped at a concert, but with a side of forced amnesia.

With that, preparations were complete. There was nothing left to do but hop to it and get battling! The Master Ball Rank doesn’t earn itself, and if I’ve learned anything from our past, I think that means we’re going to need some help...

However, in the interest of cutting down on superfluous Ribbon Gang members like (sorry to single you out) Speedrun the Talonflame, I’ll only be honoring the final 5 actual contenders accompanying Jin when the ribbon is earned. Numerous grueling battles will be fought on the path to Master Ball tier and those stories will be lost to time, for only the best of the best deserve to call themselves part of Ribbon Gang 2.0.

I got boxfuls of second-stringers here, for real.

When first beginning in earnest with the July season, I mainly played Double battles, my preferred format for fun. I had a couple different teams, but never climbed any higher than Great Ball. Some teams of note included:

self-proc Weakness Policy Stamina Mudsdale with Skill Link support and Psych Up Stored Power follow up

Entrainment Plus Dedenne alongside special attackers with spread moves (coined the “fuck redirects” team)

a strange combo Sandstorm and Round team that was kind of an excuse to see if Refrigerate Aurorus could amount to anything

I was too committed to gimmicks, and at this time still hoped to reach the necessary heights using something built for fun at its core. I convinced myself that whenever I got around to really trying, it’d come together easily enough. In the past I’d do anything and everything to increase my chances of success, and I needed to return to this mentality moving forward.

After burn out from facing VGC competitive teams, several months of distraction with other games, and the arrival of 2021, I changed gears to test out Singles beginning in March. Despite having essentially zero experience with the format, I drafted two main teams during my Singles stint:

a Focus Energy Baton Pass team designed so every other Pokemon is then guaranteed crits with every attack

a Shedinja team with Pokemon like Ditto and Zoroark designed to help determine whether Shedinja can survive the opponents

Still sounds gimmicky, I know. I can’t help it. But a funny thing happened as I continued to chip away at this challenge: the Focus Pass crit team actually kind of... worked. Once you’re critting every attack, you start to notice just how many game mechanics critical hits outright invalidate. Intimidate? Your negative offensive stages are ignored. Bulk stacking opponents? Their positive defensive stages are ignored. Grimmsnarl and Lapras walling you out? Screens don’t apply against crits (although a Shell Armor Lapras did shut me down quite handily once). Honestly, the boosted damage almost feels like an afterthought.

Every team I played required considerable reworking as I’d progress, honing in on specific threats often encountered and dropping low-participation Pokemon who weren’t pulling their weight. There was even a rule set which allowed the use of extremely powerful Legendary Pokemon for a time (a very bad time). But all digression aside, allow me to introduce the team that would eventually carry me higher than ever, swiftly through Ultra Ball tier and directly into Master Ball. They are the new and final members of Ribbon Gang 2.0.

The ones on the left, I mean. This box is just more second-stringers.

First is Gepigop the Togekiss, sporting Super Luck as a core member of the original crit team. Spamming STAB Life Orb boosted Max Airstream is the Singles meta, after all. And he’s from my Y version, same as Speedrun!

Second is PkmnConquest the Kartana, probably the most consistent and useful member I picked up along the way. Give it a Scope Lens and it’ll BEAST BOOST its way to easy sweeps - just pray your opponent isn’t hiding any Fire types in the back...

It goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes it goes Guillotine... the Weavile at number three. YUH. She was included as a direct response to the unending hordes of Cinderace and Zapdos I faced. Focus Sash and Counter helped her turn around so many unfavorable matchups, I can’t recommend it enough!

Bringing up fourth is 8008 8008 the Rhyperior. Need an idea of how broken Dynamax Zapdos’ bulk is? Rhyperior is the only Pokemon I found who can one shot it from full HP without needing to Dynamax in return... and even then, only using Rock Wrecker. Seriously.

In our final slot is AZKi the Espeon, because Hololive kept me company through many of my battle sessions, lol. After one too many Focus Passes were blocked by Taunt, I put an end to it with Magic Bounce. You remember that scene in The Incredibles where Syndrome’s robots were revised as they faced off against more and more heroes? She’s basically that.

By the time I was barely breaking into Ultra Ball tier, I found much greater success if I didn’t try to force the crit gimmick every time, but still had it if I wanted it on AZKi, the fourth in the succession of Focus Passers. Yes, after months spent honing my skills in battle, I finally learned that just bringing three Pokemon that can beat your opponent’s is the simplest way to a win. Incredible, I know. And win we did!

The final needed victory in Master Ball tier was secured by PkmnConquest, Guillotine, and 8008 8008, a trio I found myself locking in very frequently.

It’s... it’s beautiful.

With this Master Ball ribbon attached to my Master Ball Farfetch’d, we’ve finally brought our lengthy Galarian story to its conclusion. Having managed to snag this online-exclusive ribbon before these games lost popularity or network support, Jin is once again a tried and true Ribbon Master, and I’ve no unfinished business to worry about any longer.

Until it is time to take up your sword once more,

Rest easy, Jin.

POKEMON SWSH: COMPLETE!

[donotexterminateupgradepudding]

Defining the relationship between the 12th Doctor and Clara Oswald - part 3.

Oh goodness, I’ve made it to a part 3 and I’m not even through season 8.  Oof.  I had to cut myself off since the season finale for 8 is critical to understanding the Doctor and Clara’s relationship since their true colors [feelings] come out in these two episodes.  But before getting to Clara and 12, we need to tackle Clara and Danny.

And this brings us to “Dark Water”  which starts out with Clara talking to Danny on the phone.  Recall, that the last episode had Danny giving a soft ultimatum to Clara to go home and do her marking before they talked again about their relationship and his expectation of her being honest with him.  She spent that evening with the Doctor and was not alone marking or thinking about Danny and their relationship at that time.

For this important phone call it is clear that she’s very stressed out about this and she’s got a bunch of post-it notes up on her bookshelf to try to help her get through this phone call.  As soon as Danny picks up and answers, she tells him to shut up, he laughs at her teasing if this is how they are communicating now and she replies by telling him to shut up more.

Her repetitive use of “shut up” is a direct copy of the Doctor’s quirk when he’s stressed out.  As well established by this point, Clara is talking to Danny like how the Doctor would talk to others ~ think back to “The Caretaker” where the Doctor says the exact same thing to Danny and other times as well.

So even though Clara is a different person and a more socially adept individual, she’s starting to act more like the Doctor.

Danny is clear to her that he’ll be there in a few minutes and he can talk to her then to which she responds, no, not while you are in the room.  Danny retorts back that is suggestion is stupid. 

She then tells him to “Stay.  Shut up.”  Again, a very 12th Doctor thing to state.  So that she can tell him the truth, she wants for him to stay in place so she can say all that she needs to say uninterrupted by his actual presence.  A bit harsh and detached, but this is quite telling, her love for Danny is a sort of concept for her that is abstract.  She can’t address the love to him directly. 

She is very nervous.  She wants to get this right.

Danny keeps asking if it were better if he were there, but this is something that she feels might be better without him around.  Her notes are all in relation to her travels with the 12th Doctor and only one reference to 11, “impossible girl”.

She tells him that not all of what she has to say is good, but she is searching her notes to decide what to say next . . .

There is a reference to the mechanical man from the Victorian period and the dinosaur murder, “Psi” and “Saibra” from the bank robbery, Madame “Vastra” with her being the “impossible girl” in the newspaper ad as well as “Robin Hood”.

Her notes also cover her conversation with “Maisie” as well as using her as bait, “Jenny”, “Courtney on the Moon” and the fact she will become the President, the “Boneless” (as named by the Doctor) her “lying . . .”

her notes aren’t quite in a clear order - what is interesting is that the Doctor’s note is by itself and next to a picture of Danny who is a bit out of focus and recessed compared to the Doctor front and center.  There are also more mentions of “Miniature Clara” from going into the Dalek, Rusty the 2nd (Rusty the 1st was in Utah in 2012 with 9 and Rose), “Kill the Moon”, and “Karabraxos”.

She keeps looking at her notes as she stumbles and struggles to find her words . . . this is a huge deal.  Clara and the12th Doctor are two people who are never at a loss for words.  They can easily weave words with little effort 99% of the time.  The fact that Clara Oswald is tongue tied indicates she’s very emotional.

She finally grabs the “Just say it” note which is next to “truth” [underlined] and “three months” with other notes including “Rupert Pink/Dan, Dan the Solider man”, “Robin Hood” and “rob the bank”, “lying” [underlined twice], “the teller” and “Orient Express”.  Randomly, she also has a hyperscape body swap ticket hidden among the items clearly from her travels, does this mean anything?  Or a reference to their travels not covered in the show?  Interestingly, “three months” appears on two post its.

I think one of those is the amount of time that she was angry at the Doctor between “Kill the Moon”, their break up and “Mummy on the Orient Express” their make up.  The next three months is likely from their make up until “In the Forest of the Night” when Danny calls her out on how she supposedly hadn’t seen the Doctor for months.

Gathering all of her courage she with the post it, she says it.

With this, she says “I love you”.  This time without Danny in front of her she tries to make her full point as how this is different.

Danny:  I love you.

Clara: No, not like that. Not like it’s automatic. Not like it’s how you end the phone call, the sign off, the pat on the back.

Danny: Clara . . .

Clara: I will never say those words again, not to anybody else, ever. Those words from me are yours now.

Danny is now stunned and confused as he slows down and can’t think of what to say.

She then tries to fill the awkward silence as she explains there is more as she puts the note back and becomes nervous as she asks him to speak to her, since “this is, this  . . . is killing me.”

She then goes to tell him again that she loves him and he’s going to be the last person ever to hear him say that.

Of course the random woman picks up his phone and tells her that she’s so sorry as Clara sprints to the scene of the accident and some time later is just standing in the road at the same spot a day or so later?

Clara is then in her apartment with flowers and condolence cards as she dials the Doctor - who is no longer a stick insect on her phone.  Is this an upgrade for him since she now has him as a person and not insect?  But he doesn’t have a picture so perhaps she got rid of the picture for Danny?  By telling Danny she loved him, she changed the Doctor’s picture?

Clara’s Grandma tries to comfort her by telling her that she should cry and it was terrible.  But Clara can’t see that, she sees it as boring, ordinary, how it was nothing.  Danny died and everyone went about their business . . .

Her Grandma tries to reason that Danny deserved better and so does Clara, she retorts that nobody deserves anything, including herself.  Instead, she is “owed” better.  Who owes her, her Grandma asks right as the Doctor picks up the TARDIS phone as she tells him it is the same old same old.  The Doctor then asks what he can do for her - and it is clear that she will make the Doctor owe her something.

Immediately upon entering the TARDIS she tells the Doctor that she wants to go away as he asks for context “work, kids, dullness” etc.  Instead, as she walks around collecting TARDIS keys, she says she wants to see a volcano, but the Doctor thinks it is pretty lame.

Clara then asks if he has the sleeping patches and he refuses to let her have one.  She uses the patch to knock out the Doctor who wakes up in front of a giant sea of lava as she tells him that he told her what it takes to destroy a TARDIS key, lava.  Clara threatens the Doctor by revealing that she has all 7 of the keys and she throws one into the lava as the reveals that Danny Pink is dead.  He will fix this.  He refuses and she holds up another key before she tosses it into the lava.

The most interesting aspect of their conversation is that she tells him that he can change time as she has seen it.  He reminds her that this creates a pardox which destroys her timeline so he must refuse her.  Her argument is that he doesn’t care about rules - which is true, what she is missing is that he cares about her.  The Doctor will refuse her since he doesn’t want to hurt Clara.

Doctor: in reference to time - I know when I can and I know when I can’t. Throw away the key.

Clara: I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to take control.

Doctor: I am in control. Throw away the key. Do as your told!

Clara: No!

Doctor: While either do as you’re told, or stop threatening. There really isn’t a third option here!

Clara: You know what Doctor, when it comes to taking control, you really are out of your depth.

They continue to escalate with the one remaining key as they argue, the Doctor tells her to do as she’s told and she just cries back no, the Doctor tells her she won’t do it as he reaches out to stop her and the key flies into the lava and the TARDIS chimes its alarm bells.

She then breaks down as the Doctor looks distressed as she collapses to her knees crying.

As she begins to cry he at first backs away unsure what to do.  He wants to comfort her, but he pulls back.

Clara then continues to cry as she asks him why he’s just standing there?  He knows what she’s just done and his mannerism then shifts.  He softens as he turns to look back at her.

He really goes through a range of emotions as he looks to his left and the right to her as he’s clearly trying to hold back something. The Doctor’s face is very contorted as he frowns and looks like he’s about to cry before he begins to tell her to look in her hand.

He is trying to hard to stay calm in the situation.  Clara is too upset to notice the facial gymnastics he displays in this instance.  We see a lot of emotions on his face.

He finally gets her to look at her hand and realize she has the patch in her palm.  The Doctor then explains it isn’t a sleep patch, it induces a dream state where she acted out her scenario.  As he removes it from her hand it reveals she threw all the keys around the console of the TARDIS.  This then explains why he shifts to smiling as he tells her to look at her hand.  Even though she is in a dream state, her interaction with him was in real time.  In her dream state he reaches out towards her and holds her right hand in his left as he gently removes the patch.

I’m sure the way they hold their hands isn’t just by accident, he almost cradles her hand in his as he “wakes” her up.  If this were meant to be a cold interaction, he would have just grabbed her by the wrist and yanked it out - instead he is so soft in the way that he handles her . . . he doesn’t want to hurt her and likely let her know he supports her.

So a few points to ponder from Clara’s lava TARDIS key dream state;

i.) Clara has to be incredibly upset and not thinking as she normally does.  She damn well knows that one does not need a key to open the TARDIS door!  She herself can snap her fingers and the TARDIS door will open or close, in addition to the Doctor himself.  Clara is so grief stricken she lashes out at the Doctor without even thinking about it.  This is how upset she is.

ii.) Does Clara have a ring that matches the Doctor?  As she holds up the keys in the dream state, she has a gold ring with a green-ish stone in the center on her left pinky finger.  This looks quite similar to the Doctor’s ring that he wears on his left hand on his ring finger, also gold with a darker colored stone in the center.  She also has a band ring on her left middle finger as well as two more rings on her right hand as above when he removes the patch.  We don’t really get a good look at the rings on her right hand, but the camera and focus really seems to highlight the one ring on her left pinky.

I don’t have the time to go back and look at Clara’s outfits in all the previous episodes but this one really visually makes sure that we focus on her hands.

Now, back to the action.

He tells her that he was curious to see how far she’d go - which she realizes was very far and they now both know.  She, currently frozen in place asks him what this means about them, what happens between them now as he fiddles with the TARDIS console not answering her at first.

She asks him again, and he replies by saying “Go to hell” and Clara says “Fair enough”.  The shot then zooms out to show her not having moved the entire time and the Doctor across from her clearly upset based on his body language.

He’s leaning forward and looking away from her.  When the 12th Doctor is upset it shows in his posture, he leans and sways when upset as he tries to process his emotions.

Clara then turns away and walks to the exit.  The Doctor is confused and walks after her, he tells her that she asked him what they were going to do and he told her.

They are going to hell or where ever people go when they die and with honestly and maybe again holding back some of his tears . . . since his eye looks a little wet in the corner there, he’ll help bring him home.  He can’t make eye contact with Clara when he’s speaking until he says this last bit.  The rest of the time he’s just staring off as he is speaking.  This is hard for the Doctor.

Right after this, he has his own emotional malfunction.  He immediately smiles like this - the fake-est smile possible from him!! Oh he’s trying so hard to look supportive of Clara here! You are a terrible liar at times Doctor, when you have a personal connection to someone you cannot lie well.

But he can’t hold this flash of a fake smile for long as as he looks away from Clara he has his own sad smile here.  This is how he really feels, this is his introspective sad smile.  He’s lost Clara to Danny and in order to make her happy, he’s going to feel sad and it is exactly like Clara on the Orient Express.

Clara then finally is able to speak after he discusses investigating the afterlife.

She shakily responds trying to hold back her tears as she asks that he’s going to help her as he replies that of course he’s going to help her.

Clara struggles to respond.  As an unusually eloquent speaker herself all she can say is incomplete and he cuts her off by saying she betrayed him.

He tells her how she betrayed his trust, their friendship, everything he ever stood for and he shouts out, barely keeping his emotions under control as his voice cracks “You let me down!” Still shocked, Clara can only ask why are you helping me? For dramatic effect he says why from behind the TARDIS console as he approaches her as he says one of his heaviest lines

Do you think that I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?

As he finishes that statement he looks at her like this, with such softness in his eyes.  This is how much he loves her. 

As he looks at her, crying before him, he’s not sure how to react.  He panics and tells her to stop it with the eyes, he doesn’t know how to handle it when she gets very emotional in front of him and he blurts how how uncomfortable he is by observing how her eyes inflate as she cries before him.  Clara’s crying is making him upset and he likely is close to crying so he needs to stop himself before he gets swept up in it too.  He turns his back to her as he composes his thoughts as he tells her to stop whining as this is one of their darkest hours.  He’s right in front of her as he says the following:

“let’s see what we’re made of, [dramatic pause] you and I.”

He delivers these lines in a whisper as he leans in towards her, at eye level since he’s a few steps lower than her, so they can meet eye to eye. 

The equal footing, the whisper, this is no ordinary way to speak to each other, it has a level of intimacy and urgency to it.  As they lock eyes, he then nods in the direction of the console and he runs up to it as she follows a bit reluctantly.

The Doctor then fiddles with the controls so that he can remove all of the navigation locks and she can use the telepathic interface again.  She and Danny are tightly linked through their time streams, they discuss how as a result of that she should be able to find him if he is anywhere.

This time their body language and physical interaction couldn’t be more different than the previous time they used the interface. First off, he’s much bolder, he gets square behind Clara as he grabs her right hand with his as he leads it towards the interface and his left hand is on her arm as she reaches forward with her left.

Already, instead of being beside her, he’s right behind her.  He also doesn’t take his time, he’s in a hurry as he rushes her to use it. She tells him that she doesn’t deserve him as a friend.  He leans towards her as he speaks to her left ear as he apologies that he is exactly the friend that she deserves.

To be this close to her, he is clearly in physical contact with her, he’s pressed up on her back and he leans into her to push her forward to the console.

Let’s pause here before moving on - like holy crap!  This entire scene is so contradictory.

To sum it up with my understanding of events, as a somewhat serious and sarcastic summary.  Please keep in mind this is my reading of their conversation and actions.

Doctor - I love you too much to care that you would hurt me.

Clara - I am confused, i hurt you so much. I love you and trust you though.

Doctor - This is our darkest time! This is a test of us [as a couple?]!

Doctor - I am going to physically touch you as I stand behind you and explain that we are perfect for each other. Look at me, I am supporting you!

Clara - Ok, I’m going to find Danny.

Doctor - Find the man you lost.  Oh wait, but where is he now?

Argh, this is soooooo confusing!  The Doctor uses language that implies a “we” and a “us” for him and Clara.  Yet, he’s trying to help her find Danny.  Does he ultimately think he can’t be saved, but he loves Clara so much it is worth going through the motions for her?  I can’t help but think one part of him is doing this to prove to her how much he loves her. Or is he doing this to prove to himself why he loves her so much?

Does he think their relationship transcends a normal romantic relationship?

I’d say yes.

Back to the action, Clara cries as the Doctor talks her through finding Danny, for her to embrace her pain, but not become lost to it so that she can find Danny as a tears run down her cheeks.

The TARDIS then thinks that Danny is somewhere and it takes them to a destination.

Clara asks Danny will be there and he clarifies they are someplace that is linked to Danny.  He then tells her she needs to return to normal to be quick-witted, skeptical, critical not mopey.

He goes on to say it puts years on her face.  Another odd line is “And what if people see us together? It looks like you’ve been melted.”  She retorts back asking if he forgets what they are doing and he reminds her that they are getting her boyfriend back from the dead.

Why would he be so concerned about others seeing them together?  To think that he’s the reason why she looks so upset?  That they are a couple?  Argh, again!

Clara and 12 then investigate the water tombs at 3W and they encounter Missy.  At first, he is quite forward with her, but as soon as she approaches him closely, he becomes completely tongue tied and stammers having to rely on Clara to help him out that they are browsing etc.  The Doctor is clearly quite uncomfortable and is shocked when Missy does the “official“ welcome.

She grabs the Doctor by the lapels of his coat and shoves him up against the glass as she french kisses him with a lot of tongue and even traps him back with her umbrella handle.

The Doctor completely freezes, his hands are pressed against the wall and glass as he eyes are shut and he looks pained.

Clara is so shocked she turns away as Missy continues to make out with the Doctor.  Here you can see the umbrella on his left side.

As she finally pulls back the Doctor is frozen in absolute shock.  He’s panting for breath as he asks Clara with a great pause if it is finally over.

Missy pretty much caused a major systems failure for the Doctor.  He makes a really weird face opening and closing his mouth as he slowly tries to process how the kiss was very . . . realistic as Clara cuts him off my asking if there was tongue with clearly some jealous undertones in her voice.  The Doctor has a look that could kill as he tells her to shut up. 

Some random woman just made out with the Doctor - Clara doesn’t want to admit that she’s feeling a bit upset, the Doctor isn’t supposed to get kissed by someone else!

She’s pissed in the next scene as she can’t look at the Doctor as he’s recovering from the shock of a very wet and intense kiss as Missy asks if Clara is interested in the welcome as well;  she’s stewing in the corner before angrily refuses.

Missy then asks if she needs to adjust her settings and the Doctor is quite clear that she should do that, do it right now and Clara tries to calmly state she turn it down a tad.

As the Doctor tries to get answers, he’s still not quite recovered still stuttering as Missy states that she is in charge and she repairs herself.  She dramatically grabs his hand and places it on her heart as he is again taken aback.  He asks about who maintains her heart to which she replies:

When she says the doctor, Clara turns to look at her and the Doctor as he asks “Doctor who?”, Missy only makes a scoffing laugh before yelling for a Dr. Chang.  As she lets go of his hand, the Doctor is left standing there stunned and frozen.  Clara has to tell the Doctor that it is okay for him to put his hand down.  So after his entire pep talk to Clara, she is now the one trying to keep him on track.  Who has their wits about them?  Clara.  Who is completely lost and confused?  The Doctor.

Before they go off with Dr. Chang, Clara holds out her hand as the Doctor asks if she is okay.  She’s not quite looking at him as she replies “No.”

He then relies that it is good that she isn’t.  If she were good it would be wrong and while he speaks he reaches out to grab her hand.They pause before they follow him holding hands.

He even gives her hand an extra squeeze as they look at each other before walking off.

When they talk to Dr. Chang, he tries to stall to not tell them the truth since Clara has had a recent loss.  The Doctor says she’ll be fine.  She replies that if he speaks for him, she’ll hurt him - before saying that she’ll be fine. Okay, there old married couple. . . .

Clara and Danny then try to talk over the weird 3W wifi system - the Doctor is skeptical as they could have determined his voice from scanning her. 

Danny asks her who she is talking to (the Doctor) before she replies back to him and never mentions that she is with the Doctor.  They then split up as the Doctor needs more information and he reminds Clara to not believe anything. No matter how hard it may hurt.

The conversation between Clara and Danny is so telling.  She needs to keep her wits about her, so she tells him that she needs to ask him questions and he is immediately defensive.

Clara and Danny struggle to connect as he just want her to believe it is him while she doesn’t get the information she needs to be assured that it is him.

Meanwhile, Missy and the Doctor meet again as he is confused who this female Time Lord is, she keeps saying he knows who she is and that she’s all his.  He begins to back away from her in a panic and immediately thinks of Clara!  He needs to get to her as he calls her name.

Doctor: Clara, Clara, Clara! I’ve gotta go get Clara!

Missy: Oh Clara, Clara, Clara!  I should shoot you in a jealous rage.  Now, wouldn’t that be sexy?

The Doctor then opens the door to run outside as she’s turned off the elevator.  The Doctor then runs out into the middle of London as the action goes back to Clara and Danny.

Danny tells Clara that he loves her and Clara replies that anyone could say that.  She coldly replies that “I love you” means nothing, she needs him to say something that proves to her that he is really Danny.

Clara then becomes as contradictory as the Doctor.  She tells Danny that once he proves to her that it is him, she’ll make sure that she is with him, she wants to be with Danny Pink.  He argues back that to get where he is, she would need to die and that she should live her life.  He just keeps telling her that he loves her and she threatens to turn the thing off if he says it again.  He pauses and then tells her he loves her again.   He does it knowing damn well she will switch it off which she does.

Danny then begins to weep and he is given the option to “delete” himself to deal with those pesky feelings. 

Clara then is in shock as she rolls back in the chair and looks around before noticing the Cyberman and runs in search of the Doctor.

The Cybermen are then deployed as the Doctor is in a panic and Missy reveals herself to be the Master.

The next episode “Death in Heaven” has the Doctor and Clara operating separately for most of the time.  Clara then uses her lying skills to prevent Cybermen from killing her by convincing them that she is the Doctor and reveals how much info she actually knows about the Doctor.

She is eventually found by a Cyberman that is not under the control and he states that she is lying before knocking her out, killing the other Cybermen and taking her with him.  The viewer then gets to see that the rogue Cyberman is Danny.

While all of this is happening, the Doctor is drinking tea with far too many sugars in it from the displaced liquid from the teacup that has overflowed onto the saucer.  He is informed he is the President of Earth as a part of UNIT.

Skipping all the action on the 747 with the Doctor and UNIT and Missy killing Osgoode etc. etc. it is more important to go back to Clara in a graveyard with Danny.

She approaches him and asks him if he took her there as he turns away from her briefly.  She inquires that he knows who she is.  Danny replies that she is not the Doctor.  Clara states that she was lying to stay alive and asks how does he know so much about her and the Doctor.

Danny replies that she is his associate.  Clara firmly and very strongly replies that she is not his associate.  She is his best friend. Right now she is his best friend in the entire universe.  She then tells him to look up the Doctor and what happens to him if he threatens her based on the Doctor’s abilities.

Danny asks where the Doctor is, and she laughs back at him.

She’s not giving up any information about the Doctor right now.  To rub salt in the wound she even calls him daft.

Clara then draws the biggest line in the sand showing where her true heart lies.

I would never, ever give up the Doctor. Because he is my best friend, too. He is the closest person to me in this whole world. He is the man I will always forgive, always trust, the one man I would never, ever lie to.

The entire time she says this Danny keeps crumpling his id papers in his hand as he gets angrier and more upset and more hurt.  He almost shoots her, but instead, removes his faceplate as he tells her that Danny Pink is dead and she has a complete look of shock and horror as he asks her to help him.

Yep.  So Clara just spilled all of her most intimate feelings to Danny when she didn’t know it was him and what does this tell us.  That Clara loves the Doctor far more than Danny, then she could never love Danny that same way as the Doctor and she never was going to have an equal relationship with him.

Poor Danny.

The action goes back to the chaos on the plane as Missy tells the Doctor that she put Clara and the Doctor together and kept them together.

The control freak and the man who won’t be controlled!

The Doctor then answers Clara’s call as Missy mocks him and she explains that Danny is a cyberman, he’s crying and he’s in pain and hurts because of her and she is going to make it stop.  The Doctor frantically tells her to stop as he’ll kill her if she activates him.

Clara then asks him if he is going to help her or not.  The Doctor shouts back he’s not going to help her commit suicide.  She then states that the TARDIS can home in on her cell phone and that the Doctor is either going to help her or leave her alone and she tosses the phone away as she fiddles with the wires in Danny’s emotional inhibitor.

Of course the Doctor regains the TARDIS and heads to Clara’s location as he yells at her to stop.  He runs to her as she turns to him and away from Danny as she asks him to help.

As he tries to tell Clara that Danny will kill her and others, Danny replies he will not harm her.  The Doctor then steps in front of Clara as she turns away from both of them with her back to the Doctor and Danny.

He cautiously walks around Danny as he calls him P.E. and Danny replies Sir as he explains the Master in vague terms as his former friend.

The Doctor places his hand on Danny’s heart as he tells him pain is a gift as it allows one to know when they’ve hurt another.  Danny shames him and the Doctor accepts it fully, agreeing with Danny, as Clara looks sad in the background.  The Doctor asks Danny to tell him what the plan is and he states he can’t because of the inhibitor being off.  Danny then fights back against the Doctor.  Of course he’s super upset, Clara pretty much declared that the Doctor is far more important to her than he ever will be.

Danny: Clara, watch this. This is who the Doctor is. Watch the blood-soaked old general in action.

Danny goes on to repeat he needs to turn the switch on.

Danny: And didn’t all of those beautiful speeches just disappear in the face of a tactical advantage . . . sir.

The Doctor slowly staggers away as he cries that he needs to know, he needs to know.  The Doctor just can’t do it, Clara then tells him to give her the sonic.  He refuses and she tells him to do as he’s told.  He looks pained as he glances about before he hands it over to Clara as she asked.  Danny remarks that he’s a typical officer, too good to dirty his hands.

As he hands it off to her, neither of them can look at her.  He can’t refuse Clara’s request. 

What is the worst about this, is that Danny insults the Doctor not realizing that the Doctor simply cannot do this.  The Doctor the walks away from Clara with his back to both of them unable to watch.  The Doctor’s hands are already far far dirtier than Danny can ever imagine.

When 12 and Clara ‘met’ as he has come into his own in the TARDIS (post-regeneration), with his new wardrobe and console room, he flat out tells her that he’s made a lot of mistakes and he is going to try to correct for them.

Therefore, with that mindset, this Doctor is going to be very adverse to being too heavy handed.  Also at this point, the Doctor thinks that Danny will kill Clara and he is letting her essentially create a love suicide.  The Doctor can’t do what Danny requests because he thinks Danny is asking him to kill his best friend.  He only does what the ‘boss’ says since she is his actual best friend.

Clara points the sonic at Danny as she tells him that she wasn’t very good at it, but she loved him.  Danny replies that he loved her too as she then tells him that she is never going to say that again.

Clara and Danny have a very emotional exchange as they get quite sappy (honestly this was too sappy for me).

She struggles as she feels like she’s killing him, he replies he’s already dead, she sniffles asking if he’s ready, she says good-bye, he says good-bye and he adds on that he’s glad she’s here this time and then she sonics him as he activates and she runs to hug him.  The Doctor after hearing the stop of the sonic and Clara’s sob, turns around to face her as he runs up to try to stop her from hugging him.

The Doctor then against all reason, grabs onto Clara as she cries onto Danny’s chest.  Again, this is a very firm connection between the Doctor and Clara. 

As the Doctor asks Danny for the plans he explains what will happen.  The Doctor figures it out as Missy comes down like Mary Poppins and explains she’s doing every thing for the Doctor.  She wants him to see what is the same and goes on a huge bad guy monologue.  The Doctor is confused as he struggles to really understand who he is.  Clara stole Missy’s handheld Gallifreyan tech and kept close to Danny as the Doctor tried to sort things out. 

Missy explains he needs an army since he is always right etc etc.  The Doctor then concludes he doesn’t need an army, he is neither a good man nor a bad man, adds in that no, he’s not an officer for good measure (since he’s still in a pissing contest with Danny) he’s just an idiot with a box and a screwdriver.

When the Doctor kisses Missy thank you, it is what you would expect from him at his best.  His kiss is the most chaste and awkward ever.  He forcefully, holds her face as his lips barely even touch hers and he looks like he needs to just do enough to meet Missy’s expectations.

As the Doctor has realized that Danny has not killed Clara despite being activated, he knows the Danny is still in control.  He points out that he doesn’t need an army since he has people like Clara and Danny and then he declares that;

Love is not an emotion, love is a promise.

Danny then hugs Clara as the Doctor states that he will never hurt her.  He calls him P.E. and tosses him the control bracelet that Missy gave him and Danny approaches her how he will burn the clouds.

The Doctor, Clara and Missy watch as Danny orders the rest of the Cybermen of their orders, and he tells Clara she will sleep safe tonight before they all launch into the sky and self destruct.

Clara is the first to speak as the cloud clear up and the Doctor comments it has all been burned away, burned to nothing, as he then pauses and looks at Clara sadly as he says sorry in regards to Danny.

Even with Danny’s death, neither the Doctor nor Danny could resolve their conflict.  Danny wanted to paint the Doctor as an elite too good to do the dirty work, while the Doctor argued back Danny never understood him.  To state that pain is important implies the Doctor knows this first hand and to fulfill his own love and therefore, promise to Clara the Doctor gave him the bracelet so he could come back to her.

Clara and the Doctor the have their most calm yet heated argument.  Clara is about to kill Missy and the Doctor tries to stop her.  She states if he lets her live, everything that happened she will hold on him.  He can’t let her kill her but he’s not letting her live.  The Doctor realizes if he can only stop Clara by killing Missy himself, he will. He is so upset this entire time.  He looks broken and sad as his eyes have to plead with Clara’s, she even turns away from him as she hands him the device before turning back to him.  The Doctor is more than willing to dirty his hands to protect Clara.  It is his love for her that causes him to act this way.

Missy chuckles he’s doing it to save Clara’s soul, but who will save his?  He isn’t even able to respond he just looks beaten here.

When he can finally speak he asks why?  Missy tells him to say something nice and he holding back tears and blinking simply replies that she wins and she knows.  His face shifts from grief and pain to one of steeled anger as he prepares to shoot her before the Cyberman does instead.

They find Kate, saved by her dad a former commander from UNIT and the Doctor salutes him.  Keep in mind the Doctor did not salute Danny.  Clara then two weeks later gets the boy that Danny killed sent back to her with Missy’s bracelet and Danny stays behind as he apologizes to Clara.

Clara and the Doctor then meet up for coffee or something as he shows up 2 weeks late.  The Doctor states he’s improving and she gives him that.

And then Clara and the Doctor are both in so much pain that they have the worst conversation to each other about what has happened.  The Doctor assumes Danny figured out how to come home and he is back upon seeing the bracelet on Clara’s wrist.

Doctor: Good old P.E. he’ll make a maths teacher yet.

Clara: Listen, Doctor. There’s something I have to tell you. And erm, it’s not good news, so just. . . so just listen, okay?

Doctor: I know, I know exactly what you are going to tell me?

Clara: You do?

Doctor: You and Danny are together now. That’s great, that’s how it should be. But the old man and the blue box, that’s never gonna fit in.

So no more flying around, no more lying.

Clara: Okay, no. That’s not exactly . . .

Doctor: It’s fine.

Clara: No, it’s not fine. It really isn’t. . . fine.

At this point, the Doctor is trying to take the “high road” and respect Clara and Danny’s relationship.  He knows that his relationship with her caused her to lie to Danny and hurt him so much that he needs an excuse to move on.  Giving Danny the bracelet was one way to make sure Danny came back as he promised in the beginning.  And so, the Doctor reveals that his true intention was to bring Danny back for Clara and this was likely driven by how much he loves her, even if it hurts him.

To do this he has to lie to her - a huge lie.  He tells Clara that he found Gallifrey and for once the Master/Missy didn’t lie to him.  This lie works because Clara knows how much this means to him.  That’s why he stops her from saying more as she’s shocked and happy and relieved for him. 

What actually happens is that she was lying, the Doctor went there, saw that Gallifrey wasn’t in that location, he tries to hold it in and angrily beats the console (poor TARDIS!) before he collapses weeping.  He wanted the Master/Missy to have been right once in all of the madness, but that is not the case.

Clara happily asks him what he’s going to do as he replies he’s going go home and help it out.

Clara: So you aren’t just going to steal a TARDIS and run away.

Doctor: No, not this time. Never again.

Clara: Never again.

Doctor: It is a long commute, so I thought with you and Danny.

Clara: Yeah, me and Danny.  Me and Danny are going to be fine, don’t you worry.

Let’s pause for a minute here, time for another sarcastic summary of these actual events.  Again, this is my own interpretation with additional dark humor.

Clara - I don’t think you will be able to sit still if you go home. You will steal another TARDIS.  Haha!  I know you Doctor - I know you inside and out.

Doctor - Of course!  That is exactly what I’m doing.  I’m running away from you, the only person I love because it hurts so much, I don’t even know what to do.  This version of myself is truly bad with emotions! Long commute, what the fuck am I even saying? The TARDIS can go anywhere in an instant.

Clara - I’m right there with you.  I am pushing you away, you are the only person that I love and I hurt so much that I also don’t know what to do.  And since you suck at being sympathetic, I can’t keep you around.

They small talk a bit more before Clara suggests breaking habit and requests a hug, and the Doctor is willing to do so within reason.  The Doctor as expected stands up ready for the hug.  Clara then looks up at him.  This facial expression doesn’t seem like a normal hug expression.  This is a much more nuanced expression as she looks at him, looks away before looking back at him.  I’d argue this is a bit of a flirty expression from her, but she sees this as their final good-bye.

As he goads her that she’s on the clock she stands up to start their odd hug.

She hugs his neck as he slowly so, slowly wraps his hands around her.  She begins to hold back tears as she’s hugging him asks why he doesn’t like hugging.  He replies you never trust a hug.  It is just a way to hide your face.  She agrees with him with a quivering mouth and tears in her eyes.  The Doctor is also on the verge of tears his mouth also quivering.

So these two idiots are hugging to hide the fact that they are completely in pain and crying - as they don’t want to upset the other one.  The Doctor thinks Danny is alive so he must break off his relationship with Clara. She knows that finding Gallifrey is so important to him that she can’t stop him from going home!

They are both so afraid to hurt the others happiness that they make themselves miserable.

There is a cut scene to the Doctor entering the TARDIS as she thanks him for everything and how traveling with him made her feel very special.  He looks around as he figures out what to say back.  He finally is able to reply “Thank you for exactly the same [things]”.  The Doctor knows that Clara made him feel special as well and he finally relaxes and smiles as we get another one of his sad smiles.  Clara is sad smiling back at him.

Both of them are soooooooo sad here and feel like they need to break themselves apart to move on.  They do not have room in their lives for each other any more; or at least this is what they think. 

The episode ends with the Doctor looking sad and contemplative in the TARDIS as someone begins to knock on the door. The man tells him that things can’t end like that.  She’s not alright and neither is he and the man opens the TARDIS door revealing he is Santa and he wants to know what the Doctor wants for Christmas as he stares back in shock.

To really get at how their relationship wraps up at the end of season 8, we need to then continue onto that year’s Christmas special as it resolves their issues in relation to Danny’s death.

Clara wakes up on Christmas Eve, in a flat that is clearly not hers as she finds Santa and two elves on the roof.  Santa inquires as to why she stopped believing in him and she states that he is a Fairy Tale (back to that ongoing theme of a Fairy Tale) as the Doctor then lands the TARDIS on the roof interrupting them as he tells her that she’s back and she reaches out to him in shock.

He keeps telling her that he’s back and she replies that she thought he was gone for good.  I don’t know the exact time since their good-bye hug but it was at most recent early fall, but likelier even longer.  Clara in her robe and pjs then realizes how much she missed the sound of the TARDIS as the Doctor asks her if Santa is actually real.

But seeing that Santa brought the Doctor back to her, it is safe to say that she believes in him at that moment.

Clara and the Doctor then land in the arctic at a science base as they interrupt Shouna on her mission to dance by the sleepers in the infirmary.

The Doctor and Clara then attract them due to thinking about them as he tries to get them to not think about them.  Having Clara do math problems isn’t enough so he asks her about Danny. 

He asks her to think what Danny is doing right now.

Doctor: He’s probably flirting with your neighbor, or texting women of low moral character . . .

Clara then slaps him as he looks back at her in complete shock.

Clara: Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say that.

Doctor: I was only. . .

Clara: Danny Pink is dead.

The Doctor is in complete shock.  He doesn’t know what to say and calmly replies that Danny is still alive and Clara quickly replies that he is dead.  The Doctor is still shocked and confused as the sleepers have stopped moving around them and their conversation is interrupted as the others rush into the room.  The try to help them to escape but the creatures clearly take hold of them.  

The scene then cuts to an explosion as Santa comes to their rescue.

Everyone tries to figure out what is happening and Santa gives a gift of a sample of a Dream Crab in a giant container.  The Doctor is apparently familiar with them but never encountered them yet.

The whole bits with the Dream Crabs and action I’ll be skipping for the most part.  What I will stick to are all of the conversations between the Doctor and Clara.

Clara tells the Doctor that what she said about Danny was unacceptable as she is pissed off in the corner of the lab.

He quickly approaches her as he agrees that she is right but he needed to flood her with random emotions. She’s upset at his concept of random, but he’s even more upset as he looks at her hurt as he states she never told him what happened.

The lighting here is excellent, his face is half illuminated half shaded as he is so hurt that she wasn’t honest with him.  Back when she told Danny she’d never lie to the Doctor and yet she did.

He’s upset and sad she never told him the truth.  She replies she lied so he’d go back to Gallifrey. 

Of course he then replies, that he lied so she’d move on with her life with Danny.

Now both of them are confused.  Clara turns and walks away from the Doctor who then turns to face her back.

They both end up across each from each other on either side of the table as she asks him what to do since they are dying.  He tells her to trust nothing, question everything.  She summarizes that this is required, “in case it’s a lie.” and he repeats her.  So their lies have caught up with each them and now they need to face these weird Dream Crabs when they came clean about their own lies.

The Doctor asks Clara to get the sample Dream Crab, and she asks him if he’d like a cup tea to as he concludes if he asked for that, he’d get a punch in the face.  So they are back to some bickering.

Clara gets attacked by the Dream Crab and starts to dream her perfect Christmas with Danny, but the Doctor’s chalkboards appear as he tries to write notes to warn her to wake up.  She begins to freak out and only is able to expel the boards after she takes a deep breath and clears her mind as she follows dream Danny downstairs.

The Doctor is then shown next to her calling her name as he holds onto her hand tightly, kneeling down next to her.

He chats with the others as he asks Santa to go back to the infirmary.  He then goes back to kneeling and holding Clara’s hands as he requests that Santa help him.

The Doctor then has Santa get him a Dream Crab so, he can enter Clara’s dream to tell her that it is a dream.  He keeps telling her that she is dying and that she needs to realize that this is just a dream.  The Doctor now is laying down next to her with a Dream Crab as he’s holding her hand on the floor.

As the Doctor continues to talk to Clara in the dream, he reminders her that Danny is dead. 

He then is very honest, he says he’s sorry.  He thought there was a way back for Danny but he was wrong.  He can’t change that and Danny is still dead. Clara begins to pick up on things as Danny sides with the Doctor and tells her to let go and move on.  It makes sense that the only way she can accept his loss is for the Doctor to affirm her feelings towards Danny.  This would not have happened if they didn’t lie to each other in the first place.

Thankfully, as she goes in for a last kiss with Danny they wake up and the Doctor helps Clara focus as they destroy the Dream Crabs.  Despite waking up Clara immediately is concerned that there is no wound and the pain is still there. As everyone discusses this Clara asks why do they all still have the same pain.  The Doctor tells them to theorize as Clara retorts in the background to not treat her like a beginner.  She’s clearly in a foul mood towards the Doctor still.  They can’t quite figure out where they stand at the moment.

Of course the Doctor gets in an argument with dream Santa as he calls him a scientist dressed as a time traveling magician and travels in a phone box.  Santa tries to get them to join hands and the Doctor is obviously opposed to the touchy-feely stuff.  Santa then tries a scientific explanation which the Doctor cuts him off as that is the line in the sand as he mocks him by calling it a bit “dreamy-weamy” in reference to the 10th Doctor’s “timey-wimey” line from “Blink”.  He tells him to make up a naughty list to which Santa refers to him already being on the list as they continue to argue Clara finally gets him to shut up. 

I do love the Doctor’s hand motion as he calls Santa hostile though.

As they agree to hold hands and not die on Christmas, the Doctor declares he’s not good with the hand holding thing.  Clara is already grabbing his left hand as she tells him tough.  I love how his response is that he will hold Clara’s hand.

He then tries to refuse to hold anyone else’s hand but Clara tells Shona to hold it and he looks very uncomfortable as she does.  Therefore, he can only state that this is all very Christmasy to avoid the further awkward.  Gotta fill that emotion with words as the 12th Doctor.

They then wake up from the attack as the Doctor then quickly goes back to the TARDIS and leave with Clara.  She’s upset he doesn’t want to help them but he’s ready to go.  Until she asks him if Santa was gone from the dream, why did they meet him on her roof as the Doctor the rushes back into the base.

When they run back to help the base crew, the Doctor makes them check the manuals again.  He tells her to pick a number and to make it a good one.

She looks clever as she says twelve, she’s regained her faith in the Doctor with that number.  Oh look how cute she is, she’s grinning with warmth as she knows the Doctor is right about something. 

Not sure he notices though.

Once they escape the base with Santa, the Doctor tells her to believe in Santa as she confirms she always has but he looks a little different.  This is her telling the Doctor that she believes in him.

He’s a bit confused by her statement at first.  To make her point she then leaps up and hugs him.  He’s definitely caught off guard and not sure what to do.  Look at that awesome 12th Doctor’s expression of “oh my god! I’ve been attacked!”

However, he quickly relaxes and realizes he’s okay with this as long as no one else sees it.  With everyone else looking off the sleigh and Santa driving it the two of them aren’t noticed by anyone else.  And he’s happy as he’s enjoying being hugged by Clara as both of them smile.  Oh yes, you show your true colors here Doctor - you like this.

He then takes the opportunity to steer the sleigh and reluctant at first agrees to do it with excitement.  Several times he keeps looking back at Clara grinning telling her to look at him as he drives the sleigh. 

Right now, the only person the Doctor cares about and needs validation from is Clara.  Nothing else matters.  The Doctor is just like Clara in “Flatline”, she wanted nothing more than his validation as a good “doctor”.

Of course, as the Doctor wakes up he rushes to Clara to find her 62 years later.  This of course, is his own joint nightmare with Clara.  He is filled with regret as he left her for too long and he missed out on spending time with her.  As this is a joint dream with the two of them, he asks if there was anyone else besides Danny.  She responds that there was one other and he was impossible.  By this point, all of their cards are finally on the table, she loves him and his pain in his voice shows that he missed her.  The Doctor has a lot of interesting facial expressions as he comes to terms with staying away from Clara for too long.  There is the very touching scene with the Christmas cracker how Clara came to Trenzalore to help the dying 11th Doctor open one and how it is reversed.  This makes sense since this is a shared memory between the two of them and great dream fodder.

Thankfully, Santa shows up indicating that they are still dreaming and he wakes up and rushes to present day Clara.  This is where the joint dream is confirmed as she asks for a mirror to check if she is old or not which he rushes to get to her.  Then he informs her that the TARDIS is outside and all of time and space is before them. 

These events really and finally allowed the Doctor and Clara to talk about what happened between them and to realize they needed their friendship and their worst fear was to lose each other.  They pushed each other way to protect each other but hurt each other instead.

Doctor: Please, [long pause] don’t even argue.

Clara: [laughs]

The Doctor then offers his hand to her that she accepts while she is beaming.  She then quickly goes it to kiss him on the cheek.  The framing of this shot is interesting.  We know an instant later she only kissed him on the cheek as she pulls back wit the side angle shot.  In this shot though the shadows make it much more obscured.  If you were to go by the silhouette of their heads it looks like it can be a more intense and intimate kiss.  It also makes me think of one of those classic style romantic movie first kisses. . . . as this is their first kiss and Clara feels that she can and should do this.  I think this framing of the shot is deliberate, and shows the power of their kiss.

If this weren’t important, we would have seen the kiss from the side the entire time, clearly showing that she went for quick peck on the cheek.

She pulls back from him in shock with a huge grin on her face as she is glowing in happiness.  She tells him Merry Christmas.

He pauses a moment before as you see a sparkle in his eyes as he replies to say Merry Christmas Clara Oswald.  Look at that facial expression from the Doctor, he’s happy and he looks so playful!

Note that his “recovery” from her kiss was pretty fast all things considered.  He’s not in shock, he appreciated it.  He’s just too dense to have seen it coming and she knew it so she could kiss him without resistance.

He only glances at her bedroom door as they both giggle as they head out the door to the TARDIS.  He holds onto her hand until she has to go out the door.

Clara remarks that it is rare to see him happy as they run up to the TARDIS.  As she laughs he states second chances are even rarer and he never gets a second chance so he doesn’t even know who to thank.  He looks around briefly before hopping into the TARDIS with a flourish.  That flourish is how excited he is to be back with Clara.

They then head off on more adventures. The Doctor is getting better dealing with Clara and physical intimacy.  The two of them have gotten a second chance and it wasn’t arranged by the Master or anything else.  If we take the ending of the episode it was arranged by Santa Claus, but really . . .  These two are now so in love with each other that they can’t not be together in the future.

And yes, that ends my read of the Doctor and Clara’s relationship in - season 8. 

When it is all said and done, they started out with a reluctant relationship.  It then grows and evolves at a different pace for the two of them since Clara restarts it with 12 from 11 and starts looking for a real relationship.  12 clearly said she isn’t her boyfriend.  12 meanwhile, relying on the continuity of Clara’s presence then defines the relationship further to one which is less based on the physical but more on the emotional connection he has with her.  As he becomes aware of Danny, he more aggressively fights for her attention and is torn how to treat a boyfriend.  He sees that his relationship with Clara is deeper and more important since he will have known her longer than any guy she’d date - just based on math alone.  As Clara’s relationship with Danny forces her to make a choice, she first breaks up with the Doctor only to realize she can’t do that.  When she makes up with him the Doctor is elated as he just wants Clara to keep coming back to him.

Season 8 kept teasing us with this returning theme of a Fairy Tale.  The quick read of this concept is that Clara’s relationship with the Doctor is a Fairy Tale.  He’s the magician with the box showing her wonders.  Maisie alludes to her complicated relationship with him to be the Fairy Tale.

I wonder if this is a red herring instead.  I think the Fairy Tale relationship is the one with Danny.  He’s the perfect boyfriend archetype - nice guy, positive, went through hell as a soldier, works hard, wants to be supportive of Clara and be open and honest with her.  He is gentle, athletic, calm and physically intimate with Clara.  Danny wants nothing more than for Clara to see him as the man in her life and he will do whatever it takes to please her.  This is reflected in Danny in her Christmas dream - he’s too perfect and she almost gets swept away by it until the Doctor knocks at her door.

Danny’s character was written to be a complete foil of the Doctor and their conflict is supported by this completely.  I’m not saying that Danny is perfect, but dating Danny versus dating the 12th Doctor implies the Doctor would be a harder person to date by - a landslide.  The easier one to date would be Danny but he’s safe, secure and super boring.  I think Clara’s Fairy Tale is a life that is safe, secure and boring - she doesn’t want this, therefore, she has given up on the Fairy Tale and instead accepts reality which is her relationship with the Doctor.

This is going to end up being longer than I expected - I’ll see how many parts it actually comes out to.  Whoops. 

[lizzieraindrops]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Far Meridian (Podcast) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peri/Ruth Characters: Hesperia | Peri, Ruth Additional Tags: Wingfic, Wings, Alternate Universe - Wings, Wing Grooming, Pining, Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Stargazing, Pre-Canon, they're still in high school, it's really gay, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Femslash, Pre-Femslash

I decided that angsty wingfic for The Far Meridian was a necessity.

Just a memory of a soft evening atop a lighthouse, filled with unspoken words and un-nameable longing. Girls preening the wings of close friends is totally normal - unless you're pining sapphics suffering internalized homophobia. A continuation of the sunset scene in Ep. 1.10 Whitecaps. I promise it does end soft.

Peri has the wings of a hermit thrush – an elusive migratory songbird that travels at night, rarely visits feeders, and is widely regarded as having one of the most beautiful, ethereal songs. Ruth has the wings of a northern spotted owl – a nocturnal bird with little white spots like stars on dark brown wings, and big brown eyes.

Title from the song of the same name by The Spring Standards, also featured on this Peri/Ruth playlist.

Say it Say the words I see behind your eyes If it’s not hard to say, then it’s a lie

___________

With the brilliant colors of the sunset, the brine seasoning the seaside air, and the sound of the sweetest voice in the world singing where only she can hear, this might be Peri’s idea of bliss. The soft vibrations of unexpected music twines about the two of them in the air atop the lighthouse, much like the winding breeze that breathes through Peri’s feathers. The wind tugs lightly at them like an invitation to sky. That pull revives the muscle memory of flight going back for generations, running all the way down the vanes to stir their roots. But the song reaches even deeper into her, somewhere in the region where her wings themselves are rooted.

It’s a perfect moment, even if something about it aches indescribably. But it’s alright; it’s a familiar nameless ache, one that swells or softens but never completely fades. Maybe it’s more noticeable right now because Peri doesn’t know when she’ll get another moment like this. So, she tries to make the most of it. She keeps her eyes on the sky and drinks in the air and the light and the sound, trying to sink into the sweetness and save the bitterness for later. It works until it doesn’t.

“You could always… go,” Ruth says, but the way her voice trails tells Peri she already knows her answer. “Next semester. It’d be way easier if we could cheer each other on.”

Peri folds her wings in a little tighter, so the wind’s fingers slide off of them. She doesn’t look at Ruth. “I’ve got my online courses…”

“You know that’s not the same.”

Peri leans forward into the railing of the balcony around the light room as she sighs. She’d hoped Ruth wouldn’t make her say it. “Trust me, if I were a turtle with my home on my back… I’d be there in half a heartbeat.”

“C’mon,” Ruth says, stirring the air with a playful stroke of her forewings. The tips of her soft primaries barely brush Peri’s arm. “In the grand cosmic scheme of things, the whole Earth is your home, zooming through space at sixty-seven thousand miles per hour!”

“Sounds more like a racecar than a home!” Peri protests, but she feels a smile seeking its way to her lips.

“You are – impossible!” Ruth exclaims.

Laughter escapes both of them then. It makes the brief tension recede like one wave folding under the next, returning them to bittersweet contemplation of the kaleidoscope sky.

Peri gives a little shrug of her wings and settles them to lay more comfortably against her back. A few of the tertial feathers at the base catch on the cotton of her shirt. She lifts her left wing a little and reaches her right arm around to smooth them back into place. Once it’s fixed and re-folded, she shifts to carefully lean her elbow against Ruth’s on the railing. She does it oh so slowly, so casually that Ruth can move away if she wishes, and Peri will have done nothing but adjusted the way her weight rests against the rail. Her arms practically ache with affected ease, ready to pull back, oh sorry, didn’t mean to bump you, if Ruth pulls away.

Ruth doesn’t pull away. The wind softens into something that barely dances over Peri’s skin. In the resulting quiet, she can hear Ruth breathing. Peri listens.

“I’m really gonna miss you,” Ruth says in a soft voice.

Peri watches the golds and oranges of the sunset deepen toward pink. The clouds holding that brilliant light slide along the horizon like sails before swifter, higher winds than the ones that reach the lighthouse. Words fill her throat, but she doesn’t know what any of them are, much less how to say them. “Yeah,” she finally says. “Me, too.”

The two of them stand together in silence. Ruth heaves a slow sigh. That ineffable ache still lingers, as it always does for Peri: quietly, and constantly. But usually, it’s not this much. Right now, Peri can physically feel it like a sore muscle, somewhere deep in her chest in the same place where the music goes. On the surface far above it, the skin of her wing twitches in irritation. Some of the smaller covert feathers above the corrected tertials still feel askew. She cants the wing upward again, reaching. Her fingers stretch toward the mosquito-bite itch, but it’s right on the back of her wing where it’s hardest to reach.

Peri lets out a frustrated sound. She briskly fluffs her feathers up and then down again, hoping it will sort out the stuck ones without her having to practically stretch her shoulder out of socket. It doesn’t. This probably wouldn’t be as difficult if she didn’t carry so much tension in her arm- and wing-shoulders. The stiffness of it constricts her natural range of movement just a little, just enough to keep those furthest preening spots out of reach and to leave her neck and upper back perpetually tight and sore. Then again, a whole lot of things in her life probably wouldn’t be as difficult without the anxiety causing that tension in the first place.

Peri braces her hands on the rail. She stretches her rounded wings directly backward to brush their tips against the glass walls of the light room, then folds them down again, to no avail. She huffs in annoyance.

“Hey, you okay?” Ruth asks, giving her a sideways look with one eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, just – nghh.” Peri shrugs her wings again, then tucks them down and holds resolutely still. She’s not going to break the spell of this perfect sunset, not going to walk away from this one of the precious few moments she has left just to go downstairs for a back scratcher. “I’ve just got a feather out of sorts right in the back. It’s fine though.”

“Oh.”

Peri tries to keep her attention on the pink-and-gold clouds, and not on the itch at her back or the light press of the arm leaning against hers. It doesn’t work very well, because she finds some of those words in her throat taking shape and slipping half a question past her teeth before she knows what they are.

“Could you – ?”

At the same time, Ruth blurts, “Do you want me to – ?”

They both break off to stare right at each other. Ruth raises her wings just slightly in a hesitant gesture. Peri quickly looks away again.

“Um,” Peri says, hoping the warm glow of the sunset hides her blush. She pulls her wings in scrunched close to her shoulders in embarrassment. She feels the offending feathers stick up along with several dozen neighbors, crinkled up along the folds of skin.

“Sorry, I – uh,” Ruth says. “I meant – I can fix it, if you want. Or not! It’s totally cool, if that’s weird –”

“No! No, it’s not weird!” Peri says hurriedly. It wouldn’t be. It’s Ruth.

But if it were, that’s why it would be: because it’s Ruth.

Peri had Ace or her mom or dad help her with preening often enough, especially in those hard-to-reach spots. It was a thing lots of people did with close friends and family. Ruth practically was family – she ate dinner at the lighthouse half the time, anyway. It wouldn’t be unusual for Ruth to preen her. Peri had seen plenty of girls at school casually combing through each other’s feathers at the end of lunch hour. That was always a little golden window of free time that the two of them spent together, where nothing consequential ever really happened. Now, though, it occurs to Peri that those casual interstices were home to a disproportionate number of oddly precious memories. They rise up clamoring inside her, as if desperate to not become part of a closed chapter.

There was the time they found a crying thrush trapped in an unused locker down by Mr. Santos’ office, and Peri opened it and got a face full of feathers so much like her own. The two of them chased it down the hallway toward the door Ruth held open for it, and the bird flew out into the sky with a call of joy that they both echoed. Then, there was Heidi’s birthday sophomore year when her grandmother sent her to school with a ton of donuts, except half of them got repurposed for a miniature food fight. Somehow, it was exhilarating instead of terrifying. Peri landed a surprisingly accurate powdered donut on Ruth’s head in a puff of white sugar that clung to her hair all day. She quickly experienced retribution in the form of Ruth seizing her and dusting her all over with a cinnamon twist while laughing and leaving sugary handprints all down her sleeves. And then, there was that time the two of them wandered the perimeter of the soccer field at the edge of school and sat together in the grass awhile, chatting and staring at the trees beyond, and nothing interesting happened at all. They were simply together. Something in the stillness of that moment echoed the bliss of this quiet, sunset-glazed evening that she was living today.

Except for the current awkwardness, today had been blissful - besides the unnamed ache, of course, but that was always there. But perhaps Peri and her escaped words shouldn’t have brought up the idea of preening. For some reason, it was something that had never been a part of any of those remembered moments. It just wasn’t something the two of them did. Peri had never questioned it, never wanted to cross an unacknowledged line. Sure, she had wondered in idle moments what it might feel like to run a hand through the softness of Ruth’s dark velvet-edged owl-feathers, to trace the little white spots that speckled them like stars across a night sky. But someone’s wings were so personal, so strong and yet so vulnerable, that she would never presume to ask, not even her best friend. Especially her best friend.

But now, the wings concerned aren’t Ruth’s, but her own. Although she never even considered the possibility before, she knows she would trust Ruth with anything and everything, including this. Including her. And Ruth herself had offered. Minutes ago, the concept of Ruth’s hands on her wings hadn’t existed. But suddenly, intensely, Peri wants. She wants this before Ruth takes the option far away with her when she leaves. The deep ache inside her twists sharply in a strange way she doesn’t know how to understand.

Ruth is still staring at her, twisting her hands together. Peri flushes again, but just says, in a voice that catches on that ache and breaks into a whisper: “Would you?”

Ruth’s face blooms with hope. Being the reason for that expression makes Peri feel like the sun itself. Ruth begins to reach toward Peri’s wing, but checks herself one more time, retracting her hands as if from a fire too warm, too close.

“You’re sure it’s not weird?” Ruth says, brows crinkling in uncertainty.

“It’s not weird,” Peri says again. Thankfully, her voice doesn’t break this time. “Well, I mean, you’re weird, so by default everything involving you is weird, but other than that –”

“Hey!” Ruth puts one hand on her hip. “Rude! You’re one to talk.”

For the second time that evening, they both dissolve into giggles. The beam from the lighthouse’s light swings over them, illuminating their faces with a glimpse of brilliance.

“Okay but no, really,” Peri says after she’s caught her breath. “That spot’s really really bugging me, can you get it?”

“Yeah yeah! Come here,” Ruth says. As naturally as if they’ve done this a thousand times, she reaches out toward her once again and twirls a finger in the air to ask Peri to turn around.

Peri turns and stretches out her left wing, resting her opposite hand on the glass walls of the light room. “It’s right down at the base there, do you see it?”

“Oh yeah, hon, you’re all kinds of ruffled up here.”

For a moment, Peri doesn’t feel anything but the breeze. But just as she’s worrying that Ruth has decided this is too weird after all, careful fingers sink into the mat of soft brown coverts at her shoulder. Very gently at first, and then with deliberate firmness, she starts combing them back into place.

“Yeah, the one that’s really the problem is just belo– ahh!” Peri shivers as Ruth untangles the feather’s barbs from its neighbors and flattens it between her fingers to zip them back into alignment. Then she rubs the pad of her thumb against the feather’s base where it meets the skin, erasing the twinge of irritation with comforting pressure. Peri’s wing involuntarily sags to the ground in relief, yet again crinkling up all the feathers where her wing meets her back into disarray.

Ruth just laughs. “Starshine, you’re gonna undo all my work if you do that. Here, why don’t you sit down.”

“Oh - okay.”

Peri settles herself cross-legged at the end of the balcony. She rests her arms on the lower rail and fully stretches out both wings, resting them on the ground at a more relaxed angle. Ruth sits down behind her, and with a deep breath sets to fixing her feathers again.

If this evening was blissful before, now it’s approaching something more like wonder. It’s hard to believe it’s real. Sitting here watching the bright clouds fade while Ruth cards deft fingers through her feathers, making the skin underneath tingle with pleasure... it’s a whole new kind of exquisite. Maybe the only thing that could make it better would be if Ruth started singing again – and sure enough, Ruth starts humming to herself as she works. Peri’s left wing goes slack, followed by her right as Ruth works her way through the tiny scapulars on her back toward the opposite limb. The corded tightness of those great flight muscles slowly begins to untie itself, chased away by strokes of careful pressure and gentle scratches.

After she finishes the covert feathers at the elbow bend of her wing, Ruth goes quiet and pauses. Peri hums a softest protest in her throat. At the sound, Ruth lays a silent question on the expanse of her ungroomed secondary coverts with a gently placed palm. Peri can’t help but press an answer into her touch.

Ruth chuckles and resumes, soothing sensitive skin and smoothing down all those little rounded feathers. She even massages the underlying wing, wrapping her hands right around the marginal coverts and squeezing her fingers deep into the muscle. How did she get so good at this? If Peri had known earlier....

Ruth continues to hum as she goes, softly enough that she might be just singing to herself. But when she sings Clementine again, the notes trace their way right into Peri’s core, lancing that eternal ache with unbearable sweetness.

This might be both the happiest and saddest Peri has ever felt.

Once Ruth finishes grooming the coverts, front and back, she starts running her fingers along each great flight feather. She hums another song Peri doesn't know, making sure all the feathers' little barbs knit together without gaps.

“Beautiful,” she murmurs in between the notes.

“Huh?” Peri glances at the plain brown wing in Ruth’s hands. “They’re just brown.”

“So are mine!”

Peri rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yours are dark and gorgeous and you’ve got all those little white spots that look like constellations. Mine are all the same and just kind of dusty-looking.”

“What! No they’re not. They’re such a warm color. They’ve got this gradient...” Ruth supports the back of one of Peri’s long primaries with one hand while reaching over the top of the wing to trace the raised rachis on the feather’s underside with her fingers. “They’re kind of pale golden at the base, and then they turn more sort of, I dunno. Like hot cocoa. And look! You’ve got this adorable little stripe of dark tips on your primary coverts. And your alula.” Ruth tweaks the three little ‘thumb’ feathers at the top of her wing.

“Oh.” Peri blinks. “I mean, I guess.”

“They’re right here! There’s no need to guess. You’re adorable, and that’s that.”

Peri rolls her eyes with an exasperated sigh and a smile.

Ruth goes back to fixing up her long remiges. Peri’s wings sink ever closer to the floor, limp with relaxed pleasure. Finally, after what could be either hours or mere minutes, Ruth runs her hands down the length of them and stops.

“There,” Ruth whispers into the evening air, so soft she can hardly hear it. “How’s that?”

In answer, Peri stretches both her arms and wings out to their fullest extent with languorous ease. On impulse, she falls back into Ruth’s chest with an enormous sigh, wings still splayed. The soft whoof of air Ruth lets out makes her hair flutter by her ear.

“Good,” Peri says.

“Good.” Ruth’s voice is oddly high.

Ruth’s chest rises and falls against her back and wing-shoulders, and Peri finds that they’re breathing in rhythm. It’s lovely.

Ruth shifts her arms like she’s not sure what to do with them, with Peri practically in her lap. Apparently, she settles on stretching them out to lay along the margins of Peri’s prone wings. It increases the points of contact between them, and Peri certainly isn’t going to complain. They both hold still, simply breathing, Ruth’s breath brushing against her cheek.

She’s going to miss Ruth so much. The reality of her leaving has been circling closer for days, weeks, maybe even years, but now the fact has finally come home to roost in Peri’s ribcage.

Peri’s body is far more relaxed than usual. But the softness draws an unbearably sharp contrast with this hurting in her chest – – her heart fucking aches.

A shudder of pain that has nothing to do with Peri’s muscles runs through her, making her breath stutter.

“Whoa – Peri, what’s wrong?”

Peri squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head sharply. Don’t, please don’t, don’t ruin this, she tells herself.

“Peri,” Ruth says more urgently. Her voice is soft, but it goes low and resonant, like she’s trying to throw it across a canyon. Her hands cup Peri’s wings, holding her as they curl inward with pain.

Peri opens her mouth, desperately trying to cough up all the unspoken things trapped in her throat, but she has no idea how to make them turn into words that she can say.

Water wells in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she says in a broken whisper, and turns her face into Ruth’s neck to hide them.

Ruth stiffens as she leans in, but just as quickly goes soft and curls around her. Her cheek rests against Peri’s head while her arms slide past the curtain of her feathers and wrap around her waist to hug her closer.

“Oh honey,” she breathes, “For what? You don’t need to be. It’s okay.”

Peri’s shuddering breaths shake them both a few times before subsiding under the comforting pressure of Ruth’s arms.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Ruth whispers into her hair. The evening breeze twists around them, throwing one of Ruth’s stray locks into Peri’s eyes.

Peri shakes her head again, softer this time. She can’t. She wants to. But when she tries to say any or all of the unknown things she desperately needs to, the only sound her throat wants to make is a cry just like that thrush when it was trapped in the locker.

“Did I do something?” Ruth’s voice goes thin with uncertainty. “Was this too much?” Her arms begin to loosen unforgivably.

“No!” She lays her own arms over Ruth’s to keep them from pulling away. Right now, they’re the only thing keeping the ache inside her from growing so large it consumes her. “You’re fine.” You’re perfect. You’re wonderful. You’re everything. Please don’t go, she doesn’t say. She has no right to be saying such excessive things. “Please, just... stay here awhile?”

Ruth tightens her hold around Peri again. “Of course. I’m here, starshine.”

For now, she thinks with a pang, but she turns away from the thought. No matter what happens next, nothing can change the fact that Ruth has soothed her wings and called them beautiful and held Peri close in her arms. That’s real now, and nothing can ever take that away from her. That’s something she wouldn’t give up even to avoid all this hurt. She lays a hand over one of the darker ones splayed across her ribs, and Ruth tangles their fingers together. The gesture makes Peri melt back into her embrace. It acquires even more layers when Ruth brings her wings around parallel to Peri’s own to shelter her from the stiffening breeze.

Although being so close is what made her aching flare up so terribly into this storm of unutterable words and nameless longing, drawing even closer like this gently ushers Peri into something of a storm’s eye. Here, body to body and wing to wing, the aching releases its grip on her, and she finally goes completely soft. She knows it’s still there, rooted deep within her. But for perhaps the first time since it sprouted unnoticed in her heart an unknown number of years ago and began trellising itself all through her chest and shoulders, it doesn’t hurt. It just holds her, steadies her, the same way Ruth is holding her.

The breeze grows cooler and the surf grows fainter as the tide goes out. The pink clouds have long since taken a turn toward purple, and are now fading into dusky violet in an inky-blue evening sky.

Eventually, Ruth stirs without letting go of her. “Hey, Peri, look.” She points out west toward where the sun’s setting leaves a pale halo on the horizon. In between the smoky clouds, there’s a bright pinprick of light.

“It’s you,” Ruth says. “The evening star. Hesperos, the Greeks called it. And Phosphoros, the morning star – back then they didn’t know it was the same thing. It’s Venus, really. But I guess we’ve never really forgotten what it meant to us, in the beginning, when we started looking at the sky. And we’ve carried the story of it with us ever since.”

“Mmhmm.” Peri’s heard this story many times before. But she could spend all night listening to the way Ruth’s voice goes soft and full of awe when she talks about the stars.

They both gasp as a broad streak of blue-white brilliance arcs right past the gleaming planet and vanishes behind a trailing cloud.

“Oh, that’s a fireball!” Ruth exclaims, holding on to her tight. “I’ve never seen one that bright. Blue usually means high magnesium content – quick, make a wish, girl!” She gives Peri an extra squeeze.

“What, because it has high magnesium content?” Peri asks, baffled.

“No, dummy, because it’s a shooting star! Quick now.”

Peri looks out to the horizon where the ‘star’ fell, blinking at the afterimages of its descent. The only wish she can possibly make right now is the one that she doesn’t have words for. Her chest and throat go tight and sharp as she tries once more to force the yearning inside her to name itself, even if only in her mind. But it’s like trying to pick unripe fruit that clings tenaciously to the vine. It’s just not ready. Maybe she herself just isn’t ready.

Then again, maybe wishes don’t need to be trapped in words. That planet glinting on the horizon has meant enough to people to be given many words – names – of its own, but it’s still the same thing it always was. Perceptions must have shifted over time, and yet Hesperia’s own name is a lingering echo of what a light in the sky meant to humans who lived centuries ago. The nature of things matters, but so does the way people feel about them.

Peri stops fighting the thing inside her, and it immediately releases her into the softness of Ruth’s arms again. Okay. Squeezing her eyes shut, she holds the memory of that shooting star close to her heart. She pulls that spark of light into the soft eye of the storm with her, thinking deliberately: this. And then, because her human mind clings to the language it knows, gives it the only vague words that she has.

I hope this works out.

She heaves a great sigh as she sets the wish free and leans into Ruth even more.

“Starshine?” Ruth.

“Yeah?”

“You make a wish?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Don’t tell me.” Ruth pulls her in closer, until Peri’s nestled into her chest close enough to feel another heartbeat.

They’re quiet. The sky has finally darkened enough that the lighthouse’s swinging beam has become a solid thing in the dimness.

“Did you?” Peri asks.

“Did I what?”

“Make a wish.”

“Yeah.”

“Can we do that? Both make wishes on the same star?”

“I dunno. Maybe if we wish for the same thing? Guess we won’t find out unless it comes true.”

“Well, you’re the star expert. I believe you.”

“Not yet, I’m not.”

“You will be. I know you.”

Ruth only hums in response. Peri feels the vibration of the sound against her back and wings. A chill runs across her skin, making her feathers stand up briefly.

“You alright?” Ruth asks, running a gentle hand along her feathers once more.

“Mmmm.”

The stars are starting to fill all the gaps between the clouds now.

“Do you wanna go back in?” Ruth asks.

“Mm,” Peri says again. “Not yet. Can we stay just a little longer?”

“Yeah. I’d like that. Although my leg is kinda asleep.”

“Oh, gosh, I'm right on it, I’m sorry.”

“Ah, don’t worry. Maybe let’s move back so I can lean on the light, though?” Peri nods.

Ruth lets go of her and scoots the few feet back to the light at the center of the circular balcony. Peri’s heartache whines a little at the temporary loss, but she soothes it with a wordless whisper. She clambers after Ruth and leans against the light next to her, the intermittent brilliance shining through their feathers. She leans into the wing that Ruth spreads for her and the arm that Ruth wraps around her shoulders. She curls an arm around Ruth’s waist, weaving it under her beautiful barred and spotted feathers. The slow, regular creak of the light turning hums behind and below them. Its familiar gleam and grumble insulates them from the rest of the world. They’re cupped in their own little universe of light and sound, nothing but the sky and the sea and the shining.

The weight of Ruth’s head against her shoulder takes Peri by surprise. She hardly dares to glance at it, afraid she might move, but she dares just enough to allow herself a glimpse of Ruth’s dark hair only inches away. It’s really there. She’s really there.

Peri leans her head against Ruth’s, and her chest is a garden thinking of flowers. The two of them share a sigh and watch the stars and the swinging light in the darkness.

[the-lupine-sojourner]

Takara’s Hero Academia Season 2 Episode 5 [Eijiro Kirishima/OC] [Female!Aizawa/Hizashi]

Hey, guys!! Sorry for taking forever on this chapter! I feel really bad this took so long, but I do have a reason; my phone gave out on me and it took a while to get a new one cus I wanted to get my phone repaired but then the people said I needed to just replace it cus it was an iPhone 6 I’ve had for a few years, and then I tried to do an update to get my cellular data back, but then it said I still needed to update my phone to get my cellular data back after I did the update, and yada yada no one cares.

Bottom line, I have a Google Pixel now and I am really liking it so far. Now, let’s stop wasting time and get to the story, okay?! :)

Okay so here’s the Masterist for the Series (sorry I forgot to do that when I posted this lol)! And now for the taglist! 

Once again, before I get to that, I have to remind everyone that Hiyoko and Ryuji Tiechida belong to @elite-guard-hardygal !! My bestie is just being incredibly sweet and awesome and letting me use them for a cameo/side-character thing. Love you,  galfriend!! 

Okay so I’m also tagging @dailyojiromashirao , @souskena , and @fandoms-fandoms-everywhere99 . They are awesome people and I genuinely love hearing their (and everyone else’s) feedback. 

Also, real quick: I just saw that my blog has reached 100 followers!! That’s insane!!! Like, literally! Anyway, let’s get to the story for real this time! 

Hope you all enjoy this chapter!! 

God Bless and Good Day! 

~The Lupine Sojourner

(Looky! I made a gif!!)

“You better hope your stupid boyfriend doesn’t mess this up for us, Yamada.” Hiyoko snaps, crossing her arms, nodding toward Katsuki’s team.  

I blink, looking back at Katsuki’s team despite myself. “What?” I ask, raising a brow, then blush a little and scoff. “He’s not my boyfriend!” I then decide to change topics. “Just because we’re in the same class doesn’t mean-” I catch myself and clear my throat. “-we have more important things to discuss, like Quirks and strategy.” Hiyoko sighs. I blink. Did she always have cat ear-looking whisps of hair? And whisker-like markings on her face? Guess so...and she has a medial cleft that adds to the cat-like thing she’s got going on. I suppose that’s also part of her Quirk. Huh...

“Fine. Obviously, I got cat-like looks. And I have a solar panel on my back that I can use to store up energy and release it in claws of hardened light. I can use just my fingertips or my toes or both if I want. I can shoot out beams from these three middle fingers,” she holds up the three middle fingers on her left hand and I notice she’s wearing a glove made to fit over the fingers, with metal claws on the fingertips. “but it hurts a lot to do that and it drains my stored energy to almost nothing. That’s about it.” I nod, ignoring the odd, knowing look Ryuji gives me like he saw through my facade of not caring what team Eijiro ended up on. I clear my throat

“I can go next. I have two Quirks, actually; I control earth and water. Not great at earth, but I can track people using vibrations in the ground, so we won’t be caught off guard. Water is much easier, but my Quirk uses my blood sugar, so I can’t do it forever, and earth takes more blood sugar. That’s about it, really, besides having about a 6-meter radius.” I turn to Ryuji. “What’s your Quirk, Ryuji?” Ryuji scratches the back of his neck.

“Well, nothing fancy like yours. I can read people’s emotions, and if I directly tell the person what they’re feeling, it intensifies the feeling. And when I do that, it’s kind of like manipulating them into feeling more than they normally would.” Hiyoko scoffs.

“Yeah. Super annoying when he just spouts off therapist garbage at you because he can tell what you’re feeling.” Ryuji sighs, choosing not to rise to his step sister’s bait.

“Plus, I can’t turn it off. It’s not really my fault, Hiyoko-nee.” I nod. Oh geez. Despite not being able to turn it off, his Quirk is kinda cool!

“Dude, that’s pretty cool!” I reply, smiling. Ryuji smiles, probably sensing my genuine interest in his Quirk.

“Thanks.” He turns to Chiharu. “What about you, Chiharu?” She gestures to her ears.

“Well, I got the wolf Quirk, like Ami, and I can do a really loud bark, but it takes my breath away to do it. And that’s pretty much it.” I nod.

“That’s awesome!” I praise, smiling at her. She grins back.

“I know.” She teases with a wink. “Anyway, um, I know you’re in class 1-A, and Ryuji’s in my class in the General Studies course, but which class are you in, Hiyoko?”

“I’m in Class 1-B.” Hiyoko replies, crossing her arms. “I wanted to get into 1-A, but it didn’t turn out that way.” She seems pretty upset she didn’t get into 1-A, so I smile at her.

“You know, this whole rivalry between the hero classes is pretty stupid. It’s not like we meant to be attacked by villains or whatever, and Katuski is the only asshole in my class. The rest are good people.” I then decide to change topics. “Anyway, let’s talk strategy real quick. I know Hiyoko’s the rider, but who’s the front horse?” Ryuji puts his hand up.

“I know my sister the best out of the three of us and I am most likely the strongest- -no offense- -so I’ll be the front horse and Takara can be right and Chiharu will be left.”

I nod. “Sounds good. Now, do we want to run or try to grab headbands?” Hiyoko scoffs.

“Obviously, we need to play both defense and offense, Yamada. Defend the ones we have and grab a few more to ensure we place well. You all good with that?” I nod.

“Personally, I am. As I said, with my vibration tracking, I can tell where the other teams are and if they’re coming up in a blind spot. Plus, if I get some water I’ll be able to keep them at bay.” I then bite my lip. How was I gonna get more water? I doubt Oba will let me run to a vending machine or something. My range doesn’t reach the stands, either. Shit!

I then decide to try to suck any water I can out of the ground. I find piping below but can’t burst them as they are part of the school and I can’t damage school property, right? There’s not much, but I do add a tiny bit of water to my stash and sigh. I also need food. This game will be rough...I just hope I do well.

I then feel a puddle a little ways away. Izuku is standing by it talking to Ochaco. I raise a brow, but pull the water to me sneakily. Unfortunately, it attracts Mineta’s attention. He looks over and motions for me to walk over. I flip him off and scoot closer to my teammates. We didn’t have long till the game started, so we wait for the headbands to be passed out and we can get into formation. Hiyoko wraps the headband around her head and takes her shoes off.

“Alright, you guys. Don’t screw this up!” Hiyoko calls as the countdown reaches thirty seconds. I smile.

“We won’t. Just climb up already.” She does and Chiharu and I offer support as well as Ryuji. To our right stands a girl with black curly hair and a burly man with a weird bell-like face that looked like some odd helmet. I could see Izuku a little ways away, getting into position with his team.

“Alright! This’ll be fun!” Chiharu purrs, snapping me back to reality, as we make final adjustments to positions and the timer rings. Oba stretches her arms.

“Oh, goodie! It’s time to get this party started!” She cheers.

“Hey, hey! Look alive!, love” Dad prompts and I hear mom groan as she wakes up. I smile at the thought of Mom napping for fifteen minutes as I prepare to run wherever Hiyoko directs us. “After fifteen minutes to form teams and talk strategy, twelve teams are prepared to go head to head!” Dad cheers. Mom hums.

“I’m seeing some unexpected student combinations.” She notes. I bite my lip. Did she not approve of my team?

“C’mon! Everyone, get your hands in the air! It’s time for an arena-pumping UA Battle Royale!” Dda continues. “Lemme hear yah scream!” The crowd cheers eagerly and I bite my lip, trying not to think too much about the crowd watching. I just had to do my best and hope I make it to the next game. “One final countdown before the game starts! 3...2...1…”

“Begin!” Oba Nemuri calls, and it’s off. Hiyoko leans over toward me so we turn that way as we run, away from Izuku and the spotlight. Smart. It appears some other teams have our idea, running from the huge fight and focusing on keep their headbands and stealing if the chance arose. Once we get settled a bit away from everything, I see Izuku and his team take off into the sky!

“Whoa! What the hell?!” I exclaim, shocked. I then see a girl with pink hair in Izuku’s team and a backpack on Izuku’s back. The flying suddenly makes sense, if the pink haired girl is from the support course.

The support course students are allowed to bring their inventions, right? That’s the only way Izuku’s team could have those support items. I have to then focus on our team as we near the team with Tetsutetsu running after Izuku’s team, still airborne, and we nearly bump into Hagakure’s team, Kyoka sending her earphone jacks after Izuku, as well. Tokoyami is evidently on Izuku’s team because next second, Dark Shadow (I’d seen the bird-like thing a few times while we were training. He’s cool!) swats the jacks away.

“Stupid bird!” Kyoka exclaims in frustration. I smirk as we run away. No one in our immediate area was concerned with any team but Midoriya. Thus, as a team with a red-headed girl as rider was distracted, I get Hiyoko’s attention and nod to the team.

“I’ll grab their headband.” I whisper. Hiyoko nods, so I grab one of her two headbands off with a hook of water.

“Hey, what the- -give that back!” I had to be careful how much I use my Quirk because I don’t have unlimited blood sugar here, especially since I had to use my Quirk a lot in the obstacle course. Crap!

Wait, what the--Shoji’s with Mineta?! And Tsuyu?! How’d that pervert manage that?! Well, with Shoji’s arms protecting them, it’s not worth trying to grab their headband, besides...we had a good amount of points. As long as we kept this number, at least for now, I think we’ll be okay.

An explosion rattles the ground and I see Katsuki soaring after Izuku’s team, who had taken off again. “That can’t be legal!” I growl as Dark Shadow blocks an explosion. Hiyoko scoffs as Katsuki begins falling, only for Hanta to send tape out to grab him and yank him back to his team. I raise a brow. If they planned that out, they’re really smart.

“Is that even allowed!?” Dad asks incredulously. Katsuki lands gracelessly on his teammates’ arms, awkwardly shifting back into position and glaring at everyone.

“He never touched the ground, so technically it’s okay.” Oba Nemuri replies. I roll my eyes.

“Oh, hey, Yamada. Your boyfriend’s on that blonde asshole’s team.” I blush scarlet and refuse to look over, feeling more annoyed and irritated then I should that Hiyoko had brought up Eijiro being my boyfriend again after I told her he wasn’t. I knew he was on Katsuki’s team already.

“He’s not my boyfriend and I already knew that.” I growl.

“Calm down and focus on the game, Yamada. Hiyoko-Nee didn’t mean anything.” Ryuji murmurs calmly. I take a breath. Eijiro...wasn’t my boyfriend, much as I’m beginning to want him to be...so there wasn’t any point allowing myself to entertain that fantasy by responding everytime someone teases me about it.

Refocusing, I feel a two-person team rapidly gaining on us and slam a platform up as they leap at us. I smirk as they regain their footing and we keep moving. It was worth the loss in blood sugar.

“Ooo-hoo-hoo! A nice defensive move from Tik- -I mean, um, Takara Yamada of Class 1-A! Nicely done!” Dad gushes and I blush, smiling widely in pride.

“Hizashi, you’re supposed to be unbiased.” Mom chides.

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Dad replies, and I can practically pouting. That red-head is back all of a sudden, raring to grab her headband back.

“We got a team coming up behind us, Hiyoko.”

“So? Use your earth Quirk!” Hiyoko snaps back.

“I told you, controlling earth is harder.” I reply, trying not to get mad at her again. “We’ll just have to avoid them. I can’t use either of my Quirks too much here. I didn’t get any food after the race, so I’m about half-empty right now.” I explain. Hiyoko huffs.

“Fine. Thanks for the heads up.” She says, looking around and directing us away from the other teams. Ryuji grimaces a little and looks like something’s hurting him, but before I can ask what’s wrong, Dad’s voice booms out over the crowd.

“Now, who wants to take a look at each teams’ points so far?! It’s been seven minutes since the game started, so let’s get those rankings thrown up on the screen!” I blink. It’d been seven minutes already? I glance up and see that we’re between Shoto’s team and Team Kendo, whichever team that is, but...whoa… “Hang on; this is an unexpected turn! Other than Midoriya, Class 1-A’s not doing so hot!” I shrink a little in embarrassment. We weren’t in the top four. Dad obviously saw that, so he’s probably talking about my team as well as the rest of 1-A. Crud… “Even Bakugo is losing!” I feel a tiny little bit better that Dad didn’t single me out, but have to refocus as that red-head comes back around for another try at her headband. We barely manage to get away. Ryuji is definitely pained now, and he’s trying his best, but he’s not as fast as he used to be, so once we’ve gotten fairly clear I decide to ask.

“Hey, Ryuji, what’s wrong?” He forces himself to look more normal.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just get headaches if there are too many intense emotions around me. The more intense, the more my head hurts.” I wince.

“Eesh. Who’s giving you a headache?”

“Team Bakugo.” He replies. “Specifically Bakugo.” I snort.

“Yeah, I’d imagine so. He’s...very intense.”

“Whatever! Focus!” Hiyoko snaps, not noticing that two person team from before when they change course to come after us, and I look over my shoulder to see that the horse is a girl with ram-like horns and is bounding over the field on all fours, and the rider looks startled that Hiyoko used her claws. I couldn’t do another earth wall, so I settle for warning Hiyoko.

“Close your eyes!” She hisses at us, then when we obey, she uses her sunlight as a kind-of stun ray, and we run past them, snatching a headband for good measure while they were reeling from the bright light. Before they recover, we’re a good distance away, dodging Tsu’’s tongue and Mineta’s balls. I can hear him cackling and saying something, but I don’t care enough to pay attention, focusing on dodging. Then, once we’re settled in the clear, Ryuji bites his lip to muffle a groan.

“C’mon, Ryu-boy, man up! Don’t let your headache stop you!” Hiyoko growls. I frown.

“Ryuji, is it getting worse?” I ask. He nods.

“Yeah. Bakugo’s so pissed off right now, I can’t focus! It’s really ramping up my headache.” I bite my lip.

“Hang on. We’ll try to put some dist- -holy shit you’re right!” I look over and flinch when I see Bakugo’s pure rage, directed at a boy I think is from Class 1-B.

“Monoma you ass, stop taunting him!” Hiyoko calls as we keep running.

“You in his class or something?” I ask.

“Yeah. Keep running!” Hiyoko replies. Despite the distance between our teams, I see the boy, ‘Monoma’, not listening to Hiyoko, twirling what I assume is Katsuki’s headband on his finger and saying something to Katsuki, who’s getting increasingly pissed off, much to his teammates’ concern and fear. But ‘Monoma’ doesn’t seem to mind. He simply keeps speaking, sealing his fate.

Honestly, I pity the guy. He picked the wrong person to-- I feel a team approach and I recognize it as Shoto’s team. Before I can even properly react to that, however, I suddenly feel very tingly, painfully so, and the pain increases as every muscle in my body seized up and I shook as electricity coursed through me. Damn Kaminari and his stupid electricity!

As our team reels back, groaning and aching, my feet suddenly feel icy cold. I try to walk to a warmer area, but I find my feet encased in ice. I blink. Shoto, you ass! Smart move, but still!

“Shoto!” I growl. The teams in the vicinity are frozen to the ground.

“Would you look at that!” Dad calls excitedly. “He’s stuck all those teams cold in their tracks!” I pout a little. Way to state the obvious, dad.

“But only after Kaminari had immobilized the students using his electricity. In the obstacle course, Shoto was surprised at how many people avoided his attack. He’s adapting his strategy.” Mom replies thoughtfully. I had to hand it to Shoto; he was a great strategist.

“Nice commentary, hun!” Dad praises.

“Yamada, melt the ice!” Hiyoko snaps. I look at her in shock.

“I can’t! I use liquid water! I can’t move ice! Defrosting it takes too much of my blood sugar, and I can’t create ice, either. I’m stuck with liquid water!” I reply.

“Ergh! Fine! Cut the ice with the water, then! Hurry!” I nod and begin cutting us out. Chiharu also uses her bark on the ice around her feet, and that helped a lot.

In our haste to get out of the ice, however, I dropped my guard and didn’t hear or feel a team approach till it was too late. Just as I was about to finish smashing a long-handled hammer of water against the last few spots of ice still stuck to us (Ryuji and Chiharu supporting Hiyoko while Chiharu regained her breath after her bark), I hear Hiyoko curse, feel the balance shift, and chuckling I knew all too well. I look up and see Shinso’s team jogging away, Shinso fixing the headband around his neck. I glare at him, feeling angrier than I should at the fact that he stole one of our headbands. We were now below Team Tetsutetsu, and Hiyoko leans forward.

“Shinso, you ass!” I bark, still feeling mad. “Get back here!” He just looks over his shoulder.

“It’s a competition, Takara.” He places emphasis on my first name, smirking as he does. “We can’t be too friendly here.” My eye twitches.

“Shinso, you better giv- -waittaminute...you did not!” I just notice that Shinso’s horses all look listless, eyes never closing...just blank slates. They were under the influence of his Quirk! That asshole brainwashed his teammates into being his horses, and then steals our headband?! No way!

There were less than six minutes left in the game, as I heard from Dad. We had to get our points back and then grab another headband in that time if we wanted to get into the final game. “Yamada, this isn’t the time to get upset!” Ryuji barks. “Focus!” I hardly heard him, whipping the water forward, but Ojiro was on Shinso’s team and his tail shattered my formation. I stagger a little. “See?” Ryuji adds. I grit my teeth, summoning the water back to me. Crap! I can’t lose my cool! He was right! I take a breath.

“Ryuji’s right, Takara. We have to get our points back, but if we lose our cool, that’s not gonna happen.” Chiharu adds. “What’s got you so bent out of shape, anyway? You know this guy?”

“We went to middle school together. He’s my friend. Let’s just go.” We go after him, then Hiyoko leans toward a struggling team with a kinda werewolf-looking front horse. I see that they have more than two headbands and send the water to grab one as we pass. Now, all we had to do was get our headband back. In just over four minutes. I look over and see that Shinso’s gotten a good distance away. “C’mon! We gotta move” I exclaim and race after my middle school friend. We got closer and closer just as I begin to feel woozy and lightheaded. Not good! I stagger on, though, gritting my teeth and pressing forward.

“Hey, Yamada! You okay?” Ryuji asks.

“Y-yeah, I...I’m okay,” I mumble. “Just getting low. Running also takes energy and I’m almost on empty here.” I explain further.

“It would help if you didn’t waste your energy on useless attacks.” Hiyoko snaps. I feel my cheeks heat in embarrassment.

“Fine fine, whatever,” I reply. We didn’t have a lot of time to catch up to Shinso.

“Only one minute left!” Dad exclaims. “Team Todoroki has cornered the 10 million point team and is poised to seize the ultimate prize!” I blink. Oh shit! Izuku better hope he can keep his headband for this last minute! “At least, that’s what I would have predicted five minutes ago!” Dad adds, laughing. I then shake myself and try to keep running, but the world was spinning now and it was hard to go in a straight line.

“Guys, Takara’s getting worse! We gotta hurry!” Chiharu notes, voice rising in concern.

“There’s less than a minute left! Hang on, Yamada!” Ryuji and Hiyoko reply almost perfectly in sync. I grit my teeth and keep running.

“Unbelievably, Team Midoriya has managed to avoid the ice master for the last half of the game!” Dad continues. I try to keep running, but it’s hard when your legs feel like they’re dragging weights behind them. We run by a huge ice wall just as we’re about catch Shinso. Guess Shoto didn’t...want...interruptions...gotta get the headband...Shinso...gotta...gotta focus! I reach out desperately with my water as the time ticks closer to ending. The world starts to go black and all I can think of doing is getting my team to the next game. As if from a distant tunnel, I hear Dad speaking and some commotion, but I can’t focus on that.

Gotta...reach...a little...further….just…

“Tak- -” The world blank as I hear Oba call out the end of the game.

=#=#=#=#=

I come to on the ground, my team around me, looking at me in concern.

“--ney, I think, uh, Team Teichida is having some kind of difficulty there.” I distantly hear Dad saying.

“One of the members passed out, it seems. She looks okay, but still. She shouldn’t have pushed herself so hard.” Mom replies. I feel embarrassed that Mom and Dad were criticizing me in a roundabout way.

“Are you okay?” Chiharu asks, shaking my shoulders. I groan sluggishly. This was not how I wanted to make an impression. As long as we advance, though, it’s worth it.

“...Did...did I do it? Did we get the band?” I mumble, sitting up and holding my head.

“...um...well…” I pale and feel ready to pass out again. No, no, no!

“We didn’t make it to the final game?” Ryuji looks at me sympathetically. He knew how I was feeling.

“No, but we tried our best. That’s what matters.” He says consolingly. It doesn’t help at all. Hiyoko sighs.

“Yeah, you tried damn hard, we all did, but it just...just wasn’t…” She swallows. “It didn’t happen.” Shinso is suddenly behind my teammates, looking at me in concern. Chiharu and Ryuji scoot aside a little so he can help me up.

“You shouldn’t have pushed yourself till you passed out, idiot.” He says. I nod.

“Yeah, but I wanted to get into the next game so bad...I didn’t think straight.”

“Hmm, and I probably shouldn’t have targeted your team like I did. Sorry.” I shake my head, ignoring the way it made me feel dizzy.

“No, no. Like you said, this is a competition. Congrats.” I’d glanced up after he stole our headband and saw that he was in the top four. He nods.

“Thanks. Let’s get you some food.” I shake my head again. I was feeling stronger now, and could make it to the vending machines alone. I...I needed to be alone right now. Luckily, it didn’t seem like Mom and Dad had moved on from my passing out, so I was okay to sneak out and get food. I didn’t want to face my parents right now.

“I’ll be okay, Shinso. I’m gonna go to the bathroom and get myself some food.”

“Food first, Yamada.” Shinso says, understanding why I declined his escort offer and walking away. Chiharu grabs my arm.

“Yeah, let’s go.” I feel my emotions rising and pry her hand off reluctantly.

“I really appreciate it, Chiharu, but I’ll be fine…” I assure her. “I’ll be back in a sec.” I walk away before anyone can call me back and somehow manage to make it to the bathroom before the dam bursts and suddenly I’m sitting on a toilet sobbing my heart out. I didn’t make it into the final game...I failed.

What would Mom and Dad think?! Oh dear Lord I can’t face them! They’re already disappointed, I know it! I tried my hardest and I failed! Thoughts lost all reason and sense at that point, flooding into me and back out again too fast for me to process. After what feels like forever, I manage to get myself together and shakily get to my feet, wobbling as I walk out and find a vending machine. Shinso was waiting.

“You forgot your wallet, Takara.” He says, giving me a small smile over his shoulder. He knew what I’d been doing. It wasn’t like you couldn’t look at me and tell I’d been crying. I instinctively lean my head on his shoulder tiredly as he inserts a bill and presses the buttons for gummies. Those gummies had a lot of sugar. Good. He lets my head lull to the side while he grabs the gummies and hands them to me. He then walks over to the drink machine and gets himself and I water. He then walks over to a bench and I follow.

“...Thanks, Shinso.” I mumble around a few gummies as we sit down.

“Don’t mention it. Now we’re even, right?” I chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I lean on his shoulder again. “Can I stay here a sec? I don’t want to go back yet.” He nods.

“Not too long, but yeah. Get yourself together.” I chuckle again and eat more gummies in silence. Why was he different than Eijiro? Why can I lean on his shoulder and not get super flustered?

Maybe it’s just that Shinso’s been around too long. I never grew attracted to him romantically because he had been there since before I thought of boys like that. He’d been my friend so long it was hard to picture him as anything else. Regardless, it was nice that he knew he didn’t have to give me a pep talk. He just had to be here, letting me lean on his shoulder for a moment. This was a moment I needed to collect my thoughts and composure. Not getting into the final game had been a blow.

I tried as hard as I could, but couldn’t quite get that headband we needed to get into the next game. That was that, no need to get caught up other thoughts.

“Oh, good. You’re feeling a little better.” Comes Ryuji’s voice as he rounds a corner. I smile at him.

“Yeah, a little. Sorry for worrying you guys.” I mumble. Ryuji smiles.

“Sorry I didn’t stop you using your Quirk sooner. That last formation took too much out of you. I should have said something.”

“Nah, I’m the idiot that made the formation despite knowing it really wasn’t my best move. I just really wanted to grab our headband.” Shinso sighs.

“And I really wanted to get into the next game.” I chuckle.

“I know. I don’t hold it against you. Oh, by the way, this is Teichida Ryuji. Ryuji, this is Hitoshi Shinso, a guy I- -”

“Went to middle school with.” Ryuji interjects, smiling. “You mentioned when he stole our headbands.” I frown, munching on the last of the gummies.

“Oh. Really? Sorry.” He shakes his head.

“No worries. You wanna head back or do you want me to bring someone here? You still seem pretty upset.” I sigh. While I did want to hug Eijiro right now, I’m not sure I want him to know how badly I reacted. “I mean, um, I- -” Ryuji looks flustered, waving his hands around a little frantically.

“It’s fine, Ryuji. Um...I think I’m okay to walk back, slow, but I don’t really want everyone knowing what I did, so…”

“You look like shit, Takara. That’s not going away easily.” I sigh.

“Thanks, Shinso…” Shinso points to the bathroom sign.

“Go back in there and splash your face with cold water a few times, don’t rub your eyes, and pat it dry.” He then holds up my water bottle. “Then chug this.” I nod. He had probably done this before and knew how to hide it. I felt horrible I couldn’t always help him when he got depressed and felt awful, but I do what I can.

I walk in and the water feels great on my face. I splash it a few times and gently wipe all the tear streaks away and pat my face dry. I feel better and come out.

Immediately, Shinso hands me my water. I drink it down and feel even better. I start walking back and side-hug Shinso when he catches up.

“I really appreciate this, Shinso.” I tell him. He nods.

“No problem. Just don’t mention it.” I nod in pretend sobriety.

“Riiight. Can’t let anyone know you actually feel things.” I tease. He chuckles, knowing I didn’t mean it literally.

“No, not at all.” He replies, then leaves me to walk the rest of the way over to my teammates. I wasn’t totally better but I was coming to grips with not being in the final game and I guess that was about all I can do at this point.

I can’t change the past. I can only live with it.