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roukabi · 2 years ago

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if you're still into hadestown id love to hear more details of act II in your broadway x nytw au :)

OHHH ANON DEAREST....... YOU’VE ACTIVATED MY INFODUMP CARD!

ok ok first of all i am so sorry for my incessant videnoirposting, rest assured i am still very very into hadestown and I Will become normal again! and i have a backlog of ht-related art to finish lol.

Second.... BOY OH BOY DO I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY NYTW x BWAY AU!

(for the uninitiated: for the longest time i've had this nytw x broadway au, called the “Old Song” au, in which nytw orpheus becomes a very sad ghost and haunts the present (broadway) orpheus. Meanwhile, nytw Eurydice and bway Eurydice find each other in Hadestown and try to help each other 'survive'. I’d recommend reading the first part, otherwise the rest of this post won’t make much sense. I'll drop the link in a rb.)

(And I'm putting this under a readmore, because this is gonna get long.)

Now there are a few things I forgot to mention in that post, one of them being what this whole AU is actually about. Greek tragedy says that, despite what we (the audience) desire and what we understand, the characters will still fail. And that's alright. Life goes on, sometimes for the better. It's awful, but it's not the end.

In this AU, we're past having the characters try and fail. And y’know, it wasn't the end for them, either! Their failures mattered then, and they will now! Orpheus and Eurydice's futures will still go on whether they want them to or not!

But... because they are worlds apart, with (seemingly) no other way of reuniting and having the happy ending they desired... does that leave any hope for either of them?

This leads me to another theme of Hadestown, and the one I'm focusing on in this AU: despite everything, there will always be hope. It might take a while to see it, but it's always gonna be there. And how this AU is gonna work out is that we'll see this hope manifest in some characters (bway Orpheus, nytw Eurydice), how the lack of hope manifests in others (nytw Orpheus, bway Eurydice), and how all of that is subject to change as the characters grow. Somehow, though, they'll all have to cling onto that hope - that struggling dream of a better future - if they want to finally build a better life.

enough cringe talk about themes let's get some found family in this house

Soo.... Act II! I'm gonna start a bit ahead, where the first post left off: the Orphei are traversing the underground, and nytw Eurydice is giving bway Eurydice refuge.

Anyway, where we last left off, the Orphei have made it to the underworld! bway Orpheus kind of broke the Wall, which nytw Orph (nicknamed Ghost in this AU to make things easier, and to let nytw Orph distance himself from his past life) takes as good sign. If he can get past the wall like that by singin' a little tune, then the rest of the journey will be a cinch!

...It was not, in fact, a cinch.

Everything in Hadestown is Really loud, Really bright, and Really unfriendly to trespassers. Bway Orpheus gets overwhelmed very quickly and nytw Orph gets frustrated - he knows this place already, and also knows that strolling in during daytime hours is a one-way ticket to death (see Hermes's advice in Wait for Me).

They end up hiding in some abandoned worker cabin for the rest of the day, a rather unproductive start to their journey.

It's not helping matters that the Orphei had quite the argument back during Chant - nytw Orpheus got after bway Orpheus for not helping Eurydice, and it got to the point where he deliberately tried to break bway Orpheus's optimism so that he'd "wake up" and "finally try to be useful"... yes he was projecting, no it was not fun, yes it is still eating at him, and Yes, their relationship is... pretty strained right now. As if bway Orpheus's self-esteem wasn't already garbage.

This isn't the case for the Eurydices though! They're chilling in the house nytw Eurydice borrowed from Persephone + are escaping work quotas. The bad news is that they're content with sharing a name, which is kind of frustrating to try and write. Oh well!

Anyway, bway Eurydice finds it nice to have someone who actually understands her. Not that Orpheus wasn't understanding, he really, really, was, but he just didn't see the world the way she did. And nytw Eurydice can talk to someone who hasn't lost their head to the mines + machines! So yeah they hit it off real fast.

Eventually, though, bway Eurydice asks how the other managed to get stuck in Hadestown for so long. Nytw Eurydice stiffens. Frowns a bit. She stares at the floor for a beat or two before telling her that she doesn't know. Forgot.

She does know. She knows that it could probably happen to bway Eurydice, too, given all their similarities. But she's not going to be the one to break this new girl's spirit.

It's a vow that nytw Eurydice makes around the same time nytw Orpheus does, too. bway Orpheus isn't sleeping, and whether it's the noise outside the cabin walls, or the sneering voices in his head, nytw Orph doesn't really want to know.

That poor kid. He'd been nothing but kind to nytw Orpheus, trying to make his (after)life more bearable, a little more colorful - and nytw Orpheus had the gall to tear him down. He wouldn't have dared to hurt him if he were his old self.

It's just that bway Orpheus doesn't know how the world really is. Hadestown was cruel, and its brainwashed people wouldn't stop at hunting him down. Hades wouldn't let Eurydice go - not without an impossible price to pay. Nytw Orpheus didn't want to crush his successor's hopes by telling him all that.

And yet, he kind of... did.

Damn it.

He’s got to be better toward that boy. For both their sakes.

The nytw duo realizes that, despite what happened to them before, they can’t let it interfere with the future of the bway duo. There’s still a chance for things to turn out, and after all, they aren’t the ones with something to lose.

However, not everyone in this story has this mindset. There’s still one more thing I really forgot to mention in the last post...

Because of her appearance in both NYTW and Broadway Hadestown, Jessie Shelton’s fate, Clotho, is here to add even more conflict! What about her sisters? uhhhhhhhh don’t worry about it lol they’re fine. She’s with the bway Lachesis and Atropos, but this is likely to change.

Clotho’s not pleased with the trajectory of this story. It was her job to keep it from changing, and now her #1 enemies are coming around to throw wrenches in her plans? Well. If she’s going to clean up the messes they’re making, she might as well have fun with it.

Clotho ends up terrorizing all four heroes, but really the bway duo, and mostly bway Orpheus because in the end, it's his actions that will determine the outcome of the story. The nytw duo is Very Much Not Happy with Clotho’s existence and they get very protective of their counterparts whenever she shows up.

bway Orph tries really hard to guard nytw Orph from her, knowing their history and all. It doesn’t really work, but he tries!

(Clotho does, at one point, threaten to kill bway Orph if the Orphei continue their journey. Remember this.)

The Eurydices learn more about each other the more questions bway Eurydice asks - Do you think your Orpheus is looking for you? Is he down here? Will everyone forget about me, too? Different words, all asking the same thing: Is there a chance for me to get out of here?

bway Eurydice tries not to show it, but she’s scared. She has no idea what she’s gotten herself into, and she’s desperate for a ray of hope.

Nytw Eurydice tries her best to reassure her, but sometimes she just can’t answer.

bway Eurydice does ask if the other workers could break free of Hadestown’s brainwashing. Nytw Eurydice thinks it’s possible.

Meanwhile, the Orphei have taken to sleeping during the day and moving at night - to keep from getting caught. bway Orpheus isn’t handling this well, nor is he handling the constant overstimulation, the paranoia of being an ‘outlaw’, all the pain and horrors inflicted on Hadestown’s people, Clotho being Clotho, etc., and one night he just... breaks down. He never thought the world could be this cruel.

Luckily for him, though, a certain someone who understands exactly what he’s going through sits down with him. Lets him vent. Gives him a hug.

Nytw Orpheus finally apologizes to the boy for his distance, and convinces him that not everything is awful; they have each other, and the very reason Nytw Orpheus is down with him is that he cares about bway Orph and wants to protect him.

It’s here that bway Orpheus starts to smile again.

From that night on, things are a little better. Sure, all the terrible things mentioned 4 bullet points ago still exist, but now the Orphei are joking between one another, collaborating on songs, and climbing the petrified trees scattering Hadestown’s landscape.

And for the Eurydices, life-after-death is getting... almost bearable?! Nytw Eurydice made the other a notebook of all her surface memories, just in case, and it’s not like either of them stopped singing. They’ll go out and check if one of their Orphei is out there. Sometimes they’ll just talk for hours about whatever the Memory of the Day is.

For the first time in decades, there's a sound so sweet and clear against the echoes of steel on stone: laughter is heard in the realm of Hades.

A month or two pass, and neither party has found the other. It’s around this time when the bway duo wonders about their companion’s past.

It’s a topic that sickens the nytw duo, but they figure it’s time to talk about what happened. Time to show where all these mental - and in some cases, physical - scars came from.

After nytw Orpheus turned, Eurydice was almost immediately offered sanctuary by Persephone, who took pity on her. Eurydice took it, as long as she didn’t have to see Hades ever again.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t upset with Orpheus. She was actually pretty bitter about him for months, before she came to terms with how powerless they both were in that situation.

However, time wore on, and the mini-revolution Eurydice + Orpheus created fell further into obscurity. Less workers remembered what happened that fateful night. And then, to Eurydice’s dread, not even the gods knew who she was anymore. Afraid of losing herself, Eurydice hid by herself most of the time, alone with her memories in the old goddess’s house. At least without Hades knowing her, she couldn’t be tracked.

For Orpheus... well, he definitely didn’t receive a hero’s welcome upon returning to the surface. Wholly blamed for the loss of his wife, Orpheus, too, hid himself from the public. His relationship with Hermes soured as he pressured the poet to move on. It wasn’t just a shift in the people, either - in the rare times when Orpheus played music, his songs were so sorrowful that nature herself turned gray, and wept. Believing the change in Orpheus to be a curse, the townspeople banished him. Not that Orpheus had any time to grieve - he had brought upon himself the fury of the Maenads, whose courtship he refused. They slaughtered him by the river and threw his bones into the current. (Hermes found them, but never told Eurydice.) Orpheus woke up as a ghost, stuck on the surface with his guitar. No longer could he be seen, heard, or touched by mortals. Not that they’d want to find him, anyway, Orpheus thinks.

All four members of this Songbird Quartet are in tears by the time the tales are told.

It’s also worth mentioning that both nytw Orpheus and Eurydice conveniently left out the part where Orpheus turns.

It’s also also worth mentioning that nytw Orpheus takes off his red jacket for the first time since death, letting bway Orph see the extent of the Maenad’s brutality.

The strangest thing happened to the nytw duo, though: things started getting much better for them once the bway duo came into their lives. Orpheus is finding his hope again and Eurydice has found meaning in her afterlife. Through the tragedy, something good did happen.

(... uh, little side note: I really hope y’all are catching on that the relationships between Orphei and Eurydices... are platonic in a brother/sister sense. I mean, I can’t stop you from shipping them, i guess, but romance isn’t what I’m aiming for... that’s all.)

A n y w a y , what ho! After months of searching, bway Orpheus gets the biggest smile on his face upon seeing his beloved Eurydice creeping through metal stacks surrounding Hades’s mansion (it’s work hours). The Orphei agree to split up for a bit: bway Orpheus reunites with Eurydice, while nytw Orph makes a quick last look for his own lover.

He travels a little far, and then farther, getting increasingly desperate. Where is she? Was he never meant to find her? Is she on the other side of Hadestown? Where is she now?

Panic and heartache spark in his chest and he starts to call her name into the expanse.

“...Orpheus?”

The voice is from behind. Orpheus won’t dare turn around. Not again.

She knows this. She knows his posture, too, and the shape of his hands - which are shaking. She comes up to his side and takes one before facing him. Tears are already spilling over his cheeks.

“It’s you.”

Tears threaten to spill on Eurydice’s cheeks, too.

“It’s me.”

yayyyy they’re together again! it’s really sappy and they keep apologizing to each other for everything. It’s a little sad when Eurydice puts a hand on Orpheus’s scarred face but that’s neither here nor there.

But woe! the happy reunion is cut short when a loud, booming voice shakes the songbirds’ cores:

“Young man!”

Eeeheeeheheeehee

the nytw duo, realizing that their sibling is now in Huge Danger, rush to Hades’s mansion. There stand a stricken bway Orpheus, a dreading bway Eurydice, Persephone, Hades, Hermes, workers... and the Fates.

There’s a moment of “woah everyone’s here” as the Songbird Quartet recognizes one another.

Hades and Persephone don’t recognize nytw Orph, which is great for some reasons and terrible for others.

Hades tells bway Orph that Eurydice can’t go back - she signed the deal, and sold her soul. Orpheus, horrified, looks at her, and Hades... and nytw Orph, who was too afraid to tell him.

Nytw Eurydice, on the other hand, stares down Clotho with a ‘what the fuck do you want’ look. Clotho just smiles.

Hey, so, remember when I told you that Clotho threatened to kill bway Orpheus if they kept looking for Eurydice? Well.........

Hades calls upon the workers to drive bway Orpheus out. Unfortunately, though, Clotho has also given them the order to kill. Her word isn’t questioned: If Fate wishes it, then it shall be so, after all.

Clotho + her sisters nab bway Eurydice. Two workers restrain nytw Orpheus, who, while not knowing what exactly will happen to bway Orph, can deduct from Clotho’s threat that it won’t be good, and begs Hades to spare the boy. Nytw Eurydice, still wearing worker clothes and remaining undetected, sneaks out of the fuss and creeps behind the mansion (if we are thinking of the stage setup, where everyone is kind of in a circle, the nytw duo are on the opposite side from where the Fates + bway Eurydice are).

Workers circle bway Orpheus, and he gives nytw Orpheus one last terrified look before the first strike lands.

Now, we all know nytw Orpheus as a guy who’d have no problem throwing hands during Papers. Except this Orpheus has been ruined by his past, and freezes up when he sees the mob attack bway Orpheus. There are screams in his ears that aren’t there, the smell of metal, blood and wine, and a thousand terrible scenes in his head. It’s too much for him to watch.

...But the very reason nytw Orpheus is down here is because he cares about his newfound brother and wants to protect him. It was the one thing he promised to do.

So god damn, what was he doing?

Something snaps in him and he tries once again to wrestle his arms away from the workers holding him back. They don’t budge - nytw Orpheus’s strength is his words, not his muscles.

But then a low thud sounds against nytw Orpheus’s ears, and the hold goes loose.

“Go!” cries nytw Eurydice, wielding a shovel and slamming its head against the other worker’s. “I’ll get Eurydice!”

nytw Orpheus gives a quick nod of thanks to his lover before rushing up to bway Orpheus, grabbing a pickaxe on the way.

Bway Orpheus has tried to flee the pack, but they keep catching him and throwing him down. He’s exhausted, he’s injured, and they aren’t letting up. One of the workers - the largest one in the mob - raises a pick. Orpheus can’t get himself off the ground.

Then there’s a flash of red, a scream, a metallic smell.

bway Orpheus dares to open his eyes and sees that the mob has stopped, paralyzed with shock. The worker who held the pick now clutched his arm instead, pressing against a long, gruesome tear in the skin.

And standing in front of him, a pickaxe in his hands and a wild, cold glare that’s stark against his bloodied face - is Orpheus’s brother.

A couple steps behind the mob are the Eurydices, and one of them still has her shovel. Nytw Orpheus shouts at the workers, telling them to back off (in a much ruder way). The workers, seeing the outcome of fighting these three, retreat.

Nytw Orpheus, chest heaving, drops the pickaxe and carefully steps over bway Orpheus so that he is behind the latter. He gently scoops the boy into his arms. He’s blacked out, but he’s still got a pulse, thank the gods.

Now, while nytw Eurydice did do what she said she would (free Eurydice), that doesn’t mean she got rid of the fates. And of course, Clotho appears.

Nytw Eurydice somehow keeps enough composure to not beat the shit out of her with a rusty shovel. She gives Clotho enough time for her to say that while, yes, the initial murder plan was foiled by our heroic rulebreakers, the damage has already been done. bway Orpheus has been told that his lover sold herself to Hades, and on top of that, the people who could’ve been his friends on the surface nearly killed him in Hadestown. It’s not like this was a sudden effect - Orpheus’s worldview started crumbling the minute he entered Hadestown. This was just the last step. Now with that sweet, sweet doubt in his head, things should go back to normal.

bway Eurydice is quite shaken by this - it’s her story, too. So nytw Eurydice swings her shovel a bit to get her to fuck off. Clotho does. (I like to think that the Fates can appear + disappear in a plume of dark smoke. Just a lil thing that’d look cool in animation.)

The three of them kinda. stare at each other for a bit.

They take bway Orph to nytw Eurydice’s house to patch him up and rest. Nytw Orpheus washes the blood from his face, and there’s a distant look in his eyes as he recovers from what he did. bway Eurydice, who’s a smidge intimidated by him, says she thought he was pretty cool back there. It gets nytw Orpheus to laugh just the slightest bit, and thus, a friendship is born.

Nytw Eurydice and Orpheus take some time to catch each other up on what happened to them while bway Eurydice looks after her Orpheus.

He wakes up after some hours, a little worried, but with Eurydice there he settles down. She jogs his memory of what happened.

He starts venting to her, apologizing profusely for putting everyone in this mess and placing all their hopes on a song he couldn’t finish. Nothing Eurydice says can comfort him.

Unfortunately, Clotho was right: bway Orpheus is shattered. He goes on about how he is at fault, not just for Eurydice’s imprisonment in Hadestown, but for forcing nytw Orpheus to re-live his trauma to save him, and putting nytw Eurydice back on Hades’s hitlist. He’s hopeless, he says. This whole journey is hopeless. And because he’s the one to blame, he’s better off leaving.

He tries to leave Hadestown, despite the other three trying to get him to stop, but there’s another force keeping him from going too far: the workers. They’ve been listening to his plight, and they feel their old humanity come back to them at his sorrowful song (If It’s True).

Orpheus looks at his family, then looks back at the workers. Perhaps he did do something good for these people. Perhaps there’s still a chance for them.

Hermes comes up to the quartet, bearing news (it’s kind of his thing): Hades has also heard what the workers are starting to whisper about - a possible revolt against Hadestown’s cold-hearted structure - and demands for the four of them to come to his mansion. It’s judgment time.

Nytw Orpheus, who is bitter toward Hermes, demands to know why he didn’t help bway Orpheus since he was a god. Hermes, unfazed, asks why he couldn’t prevent the mob from attacking bway Orpheus, if he’d already lived Orpheus’s life. This quiets nytw Orpheus’s anger.

At the mansion, Hades tries to intimidate bway Orpheus before he actually passes judgment, though a very aggressive nytw Orpheus protects the other. Not today, Hades!

Persephone gives the Eurydices a bit of advice - maybe a mix of the London and NYTW Seph verses for Chant II - as she, too, heard the poet’s song.

The Fates are also there, watching. Plotting, probably.

Finally, Hades gives bway Orpheus his task: Sing a pretty song, and perhaps Hades will make use of him and spare his family. If he fails, it’s to the Great Beyond for all of them.

bway Orph is shaking like an autumn leaf. He’s not done with his song. It never worked the way he wanted it to. He’d tried to get nytw Orpheus to help him with it, but he’d refused, saying that if the song were really special, it would’ve come straight from bway Orpheus’s heart.

From the heart. Okay. That’s what Orpheus will do.

And to make a long story short, it works. beautifully. Orpheus sings his song of love and it swells as everyone else joins in. It’s like the heart of Hadestown is glowing.

At the end, Hades remembers his love for Persephone. He remembers his humanity. The old gods dance as if they were young lovers again.

And Orpheus just about blacks out again from cathartic relief. (Side note: I like to think that nytw Orph says something along the lines of “Easy there, rockstar!” I know the term won’t come around until the 60s but I think it’s really cute :))

Well, things seem to be going alright now! Hades isn’t as Bent on Harming the Four, Persephone’s smiling again, the workers are getting hopeful, and our four songbirds are together now.

... Except, a look of unease haunts the nytw duo’s faces. They know what comes next after this. So does Clotho. The song wasn’t the real test, as we all know.

bway Orph asks if they can go, Hades says no, blah blah blah we've been here before.

Hermes tells the four (well, mainly the bway duo) of the task ahead. They are, of course, dumbfounded and frightened by what it entails. They look back at their older siblings, wordlessly asking, “did you know?”

Nytw Orpheus and Eurydice look away.

The bway duo demands them to tell the full truth of how they were separated. So they do. They tell their doomed successors that nytw Orpheus failed to bring them both out, and that the chances of it happening again are high. It’s completely up to the new duo, and the nytw duo didn’t want to talk of it out of fear of crushing their hopes.

The bway duo is... not pleased. They’re not just crushed, they’re betrayed. How could the nytw duo lie to them for so long, lead them down this path just to pull the rug out from under them?

Nytw Orpheus reaches out to bway Orpheus, but the latter backs away, and leaves them. Bway Eurydice just shakes her head. She leaves them, too.

That night, when the four are preparing for the journey out, bway Eurydice finds her lover cupping his carnation in his palms. They talk quietly about the trek ahead, and Eurydice tells Orpheus that, even though their predecessors failed, that doesn’t mean they will, too. For what it’s worth, said predecessors didn’t have dead companions to travel with. And if the nytw duo were able to change (for the better) because of the bway duo’s actions, then maybe their ending could, too. “If they could do it, so can we.”

Orpheus smiles, but his doubts still gnaw at him. What if their actions changed the outcome for the worse? He just wanted everyone to be safe and happy, but what if this night’s events shouldn’t have happened the way they did? Especially with Clotho’s plan unraveling faster than ever, did they really make all the right decisions? Could he put faith in himself, or was everything that the townspeople said up top, about the harshness of the world and all, really true?

Speaking of Clotho, she appears once more to nytw Eurydice. Eurydice snaps at her for putting everyone on the road to ruin, but Clotho merely states that she’s not the only one trying to get what she wants. Like it or not, everyone had a part to play. “This story of ours was your doing, too,” she says. “Now you finish it. I’m just helping it move along.”

As Clotho departs, Eurydice finds that statement... oddly comforting. If bway Orpheus just holds onto the hope he’d always had with him, then maybe... just maybe...

It’s a long night, and it’s a little odd with two somewhat estranged couples sharing a house. Eventually, they all decide to try and make amends in the tiny living room. Apologizing, conversing softly about their fears and hopes, curling up together on the surprisingly large worn couch. bway Orpheus lets his brother hug him.

“I’m scared.”

“I know,” nytw Orpheus whispers. “And I have so much faith in you nonetheless.”

They sleep together on the couch that night. Lovers, brothers, and sisters say “I love you”. Hell, friends do, too, why not. There’s an air of peace in the stony caverns of Hadestown, and it’s enough to bring the four to a restful sleep.

They’ll need it for the journey ahead.

And, then, that morning, they set out, and...

OHHH, GEE! Look at how long this got! Gee whizz, look at the time, too! I think it’s time to stop. We’ll leave the thrilling conclusion for another time!

Thanks a billion for the ask, anon, and thanks a lot to you, reader, if you actually got this far! I don’t write much, but when I do, I get really into it...

There’s some stuff in Act I of this AU I still haven’t talked about - mostly silly fluff between the brothers, fluff between the sisters, some angst between the brothers, orphydice fluff, and nytw Orph’s strained relationship with the new Hermes, but again, that’s for another time.

#OOOOAGHGH maybe notn didn't give me carpal tunnel but writing this sure did!#this was so much fun tho. i got so excited when i read the ask bc that's a Thing I'm Really Passionate About!#I've been refining it for years! no i don't like letting old ideas go lol #hadestown #hadestown au #hadestown broadway #hadestown nytw #orpheus #eurydice #orpheus hadestown #eurydice hadestown #nytw x broadway crossover #old song au #rook roars!#long post #rook's mailbox #also sorry if i misinterpreted all the characters. i promise bway orph is still sweet n loveable it's just that (class) war is hell #caps tw

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selene-moonie · 2 years ago

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Be practical babes

Semi-random thought I had (also, sorry for my lack of posting recently, I've been busy working and manifesting other things) but I feel like sometimes we take the practicality out of manifesting.

Like I've seen some people say you can't complain about your present circumstances while you're manifesting your desired circumstances.

My response to this is nuanced, obviously.

If you're in trash circumstances, you're not going to like it. You'll probably be stressed out, you might feel anxious, and when things you don't like happen, you'll probably feel annoyed. And only when you get what you want that may change.

For example, I've wanted to go to the beach since last September. I almost went in December, but it didn't happen and I was really upset about it.

I think the week of V-day I was like, "fuck it, I'm going to the beach," and I started affirming angrily that I was going to the beach. The guy I made out with the night I was supposed to go to the beach in December posted on his ig pictures of himself at the beach, and I messaged him about it, telling him that I was so jealous that he made it to the beach. We spoke and stuff, cool. Days later, I'm having a conversation and I'm literally complaining to a new friend that I so desperately wanted to go to the beach and that if someone messaged me at 10:55 am the following day that they wanted to take me to the beach, I'd tell them to give me two hours (cuz I had a work meeting at 11:00 am) and they could come pick me up.

The following morning, sometime after nine in the morning, the guy I made out with messaged our group chat to plan a beach lime for Sunday. It was Friday.

I did go to the beach, it was wonderful, I had a great time and I'm going again soon.

Now, what was the difference between the type of complaining I was doing and what people usually recommend when it comes to complaining about your circumstances? Even though I was venting out my frustrations, I kept telling myself that I'd be at the beach. That no matter that it hadn't happened as yet, I would go. I was in the state of having it, despite my circumstances not reflecting that as yet.

Also, me venting was expressing my own anger and frustration towards myself for having slacked off in the first place, because at the time of originally manifesting it, I didn't persist and hence it didn't happen. And that's what I was really angry about, not the fact that my 3d didn't reflect my mind.

For a very long time, I was focused on not complaining or dealing with my feelings because I thought it would fuck up my manifestations. But in comparison to nowadays, my anxiety, depression, and spiraling were way worse in the past and I still manifested so do those things have anything to do with me getting what I want? Not as much as I used to think they did.

I still feel anxious and frustrated by things because there are still things I want to change in my life, but I don't let those feelings dictate whether or not I receive my manifestations. I get my shit regardless of how I feel.

I've found that by letting myself experience the feelings of frustration and anger allows me to let go of the old story, which then releases a lot of the resistance that I have to the things in my mind. Once I get to that point, my sheer determination to get what I want overrides any circumstances I may or may not perceive and it's usually a matter of days of me affirming that my desire shows up.

Ok so basically what I'm trying to say is that you can complain, but don't complain from the state you don't want.

When you're in garbage circumstances, things are going to frustrate you and that is ok. Do what you need to in order to manage your emotions.

However, when it comes to getting what you want, stay in the state of the wish fulfilled. Stay there, know it's yours, know you have it, or at the very least, that you're going to get it.

Because you're more likely to just be frustrating yourself otherwise.

So be practical when manifesting. Find a system for it that works for you and take your time. You're going to get everything you want, I promise.

Love,

your favorite Moon Babe,

Selene 🌚

#master manifestor #manifestation #manifesting #motivation #law of assumption #loassumption #specific person #self concept #you got this

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boblzzysfreak · 2 months ago

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Whores’s Son / Alfalfa Cunt Man,

Let’s just go back and forth directly shithole. After all you are fucking toilet like all Trump traitor pigs, so I will shit right in your face. Maybe you can learn to read and write while I shit on you. How many days now until Trump gets flushed down the drain by a black woman? I suppose your funding will have dried up by then and the devil will be giving you 11 cents to lie about something else. Well, let me assure you pig, you and your cunt friends are done because you have ruined everything. The whole world smells like Trump shit and will never be OK again. The only thing left is making sure Trump cunt American traitor whores like you and everyone you know never have a good day again either. You and your worthless shithole friends filled the world with so much shit that women have stopped having children. Your filthy garbage is so fucking ugly and smells so bad that pussies around the world snap shut just thinking of you. Civilization ruining levels of cunt shittery.

Baby boomers ruined the whole fucking world. Your parents bought you everything. They built you Disney Land for Christ sakes. They gave us a fortune only you worthless shit bags could have squandered as you have. Generation cunt shit failure. Generation whining, garbage, cry baby cunt men. Generation, filthy whore women, like the pig who shit you out on to the Earth. Filthy, shit slicked, roadie fucking pigs asses with their 20 abortions saying young woman today are whores. The baby boomer shit whores are the filthiest, ugliest shittiest pig whores who ever stained the earth. Baby boomer cunt hole men are cry baby, traitor whore bitches. If your grandparents could see how you have sold out to Russia, they would kill you with their hands. Undoubtedly, you would scream about how you were going to shoot them with your gun the whole time, like the worthless cunt shit baby you all are. I will teach my grandchildren to curse your filthy, shitty memories. They will build toilets on your graves.

What next pigs ass? Are you going to call me a writer who writes to much? You haven’t chanted gun gun gun in a few minutes, have you run out of meth?

Holy shit, baby boomer, gun, I would never accuse you of being a writer! This is fun fuckin with such a retarded demofaggot like you. Someone as fucking stupid as you is a great find. Maybe the antifa remark was more than you could take, you just resemble the little pussies so much. Let's just agree that you're a faggot and get on with your pathetic existence as a demofag. I think I've changed my mind about abortion though, it could've prevented a bunch of scared, fucked up little bitches like you from ever being born. What that whore who had you was thinking by hatching such a faggot like you, I don't know. Anyway, I'm bored with burning your sorry ass, it's just too easy. Take my advice though, try to stop being a scared little faggot, guy's like me will be there to save our country from asswipes like Kuntmala Hairless and Tampon Tim. Going to love seeing all you green and yellow hair faggots kicking and screaming on Nov. 6th you stupid mother fuckers!

#trump 2024 #republicans

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button-brr · 6 months ago

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hi welcome to garbage planet. can i take your order?

my fated gray lady sent another sad little boy who only likes to fuck when he's high who only vapes stuff he says he's going to get rid of one day. {cotton candy clouds that sweeten the deal a little bit] but mostly they just remind me of him and the nic makes me soooo fucking sick.

no serious plans no genuine love

I see their empty hollow laugh grins. so surprised a prince, handsome as I am, even looks at them. yeah. I love cute boys. I like sweet boys. I like fucking adult children who don't know how to make their beds and they sleep with stuffed animals and throw full blown fuckin tantrums when they run out of weed. but I promised myself I wasn't gonna do it again. so it's over. it has to end. it has to be over. I have to end it.

I'm so fucking sick.

of you. and him. and men like you. men like him. men who think they're more special than anyone else. men who don't ask if I'm doing ok. men who see and coo over me like I'm a child. I'll tolerate it. but I'm not fucking falling for it anymore.

I'm back in the shadowlands, it seems.

those are old tricks to me now. I see through your mask better than you see the placement of mine. and I have nothing to ask of you. keep whatever you want. things are trash are replaceable. disposable. everything is garbage in the end. in this garbage world. here on fucking garbage planet. I just didn't expect such a so much of negativity to come back so quickly. I just wish I could sit and think and be alone all over again. i would. happily.

nobody I need to see. nothing I need to do.

just me and my closet and dark air where I can sob and nobody can see my tears, not even myself. I hate obligation. I take responsibility and I take it seriously but I'm sick of bad dogs. untrained monsters barking their way into my path. I'll step into the weeds if I have to, find a stray hiding too sweet for this world. raise a good fuckin dog from scratch.

I don't need ruined goods.

I don't need a monster. I don't need a rapist beast jerkish ass self hurter that doesn't care about other people's feelings. you wanted to and you did and you want to and you would. human nature is to repeat whatever you can get away with whenever it works. not this fucking time. I'm sick and tired of it. I want good pure love. I'm not sticking around for this fuckin bullshit. that's all it is. two dates and you're fallen for me completely? you think couples counseling is gonna fix this? grow the fuck up. get a job and stop telling your mother everything. maybe then once you can buy your own things and pay your own rent, you'd find someone willing to fuck you good and right despite everything bad you do. I can't keep control of you. I don't want it.

im sorry i left a mark at all.

its not hard to cover up something you dont want people to see. you did it really well the first time. my love bites and bruises never landed so well before, too bad your sorry act crashed and you burned the bridges i was building. good riddance.

you are a fucking albatross. a #curse. a burden. a nothing. a bother. a beast. I've had enough.

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okidenshi · 6 months ago

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Saw your tags on the chronic condition post and I feel that so hard. I've been sick for the past month and haven't been able to eat much as a result. I've been able to do maybe 10 hours of work over 4 weeks and have only had a few days where I can sit and play video games for more than 30 minutes at a time because I've been nauseous and in pain every time I eat. I'm having an endoscopy done tomorrow and I hope they'll be able to figure out what's going on because lord knows the ER didn't do shit (to the point that the GI doc I went to was FURIOUS with how little they did. I literally got put in a corner of a room, alone, with a screen in front of me and the nurses forgot I was there (which wasn't even the worst part of it).) I have two more dr appointments this month after the procedure and I'm hoping that, between the three, they'll figure something out because I'm so bored and tired and sick of not being able to take care of myself (Plus I miss exercising :( ). Glad to hear you're feeling better!!!!! It also gives me hope that I'll wake up one day and not feel like garbage lol

Aw man i'm sorry you're going through all that anon :(( I've been/am in a similar boat of course, especially w/ GI stuff.

(lol ok i went on for a bit so read more it is)

GI isn't my main problem area currently (pelvic floor my detested), but since childhood my tum was/was been the BANE of my existence lol; and ohhhh I feel you about the ER man- one of the most acutely painful experiences of my life was at 1:00 AM where all of a sudden my upper stomach/chest was just. it felt like it was strangling itself to death- i could barely breathe, i threw up just because of the pain. Mom rushed me to the closest ER, a small baptist one 10 mins from the house. They rushed me back and took some blood/did an IV, but by that time the pain was passing. They kept me for 3-4 hours, but had no one on site that could do an ultrasound.... all they could offer me was an x-ray, which wouldn't show anything anyhow. Doctor I talked to said it could have been 1,000 things, was guessing it was some really bad food poisoning........ exactly a week later, same exact scenario ensued, Mom rushed me to a different ER.... they did an ultrasound and literally said my gallbladder was about to burst & was full of gallstones :))))

Unfortunately getting my gallbladder removed didn't really solve my GI health- if anything, it kind of harmed it... I developed heartburn, and later pretty sever constipation. I developed colitis, and then later proctituis. Doc put me on stool softeners & miralax, and now I literally cannot pass stool's w/o taking those regularly.

Though I will say, before getting my gallbladder out, I also had a LOT of trouble eating food- I lost like.... 40+ lbs without trying to. I also would get fairly lightheaded/dizzy/just not feel "right" a lot of the time. I'd defo suggest getting an ultrasound done if you can to rule out gallstones from the "list of 1,000 things that can cause GI issues" :'D

I also had an endoscopy and a colonoscopy done (which i hope yours went well btw!) within a few months from each other, even after the surgery cause I was still occasionally getting pains, some just as painful as before the surgery- I likely think I have stray gallstones just. fuckign shit up. in my body. lol. That or they're like. kinda stuck int he bile duct were my gallbladder used to be... at least thats what the sickos on reddit have said :'D

Anyway, this all to say is I FELL YOU ANON :(( And I also miss exercising!!! i literally developed such a great scheduel for morning walks when i lived/worked at home, and was so excited to continue doing that after i moved- but tbh walking/exercising was so triggering for me because it's usually my time to focus/relax and all I could think about when walking was how much pain i was in/how I couldn't focus on the music... now i'm unreasonably scared to start back up again :(((

Though on the brightside, even tho i still am in pain, I am defo in a way, way better place than I was a year ago. It was so scary being in an amount of pain where I just... thought about not being here anymore JUST because of the pain. That was scary for me, esp since I felt like I should have been ontop of the world after moving.

But yea, defo doing... better :'D I hope the trend towards a more painless future continues, and that you get some answers/relief of your own anon! You got this and you're not alone! :D

#oki answers a thing #anon

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convenientlystoredsardines · 1 year ago

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November 25, 2023

Ok so I had a dream where I was at work for like the entire day and I was training these like new hires and my brain was like in a coma but my body was still working and I was like so like spaced out and had no idea what was going on but i was somehow still training these guys. so I called Andy and was like hey I'm like dying can I go home and he was like yeah it's fine. and then I clocked out after working for like 12 hours or something and I went to my car and my brain like woke up from the coma but everything was super messed up like my vision. every time I opened my eyes the whole world was sideways and I was like omg what's wrong with me like I need to go to the hospital and I was like on my way home to this apartment building I lived it and it was so crappy of a building it was like built completely out of metal and it looked terrible and there were like no walls in half the areas. and before I walked up the stairs I was outside and I realized my fish had somehow escaped my fish tank but they could swim in the air (thats how I saw them) and I was like trying to catch them to bring them back inside and I like shooed them inside and then these birds started attacking me and it was terrible and then I went inside with birds still stuck on me and I went up to my floor and on my way up this alien kid was like pestering me. he was like a literal alien child but he was acting more like an animal than a person and he was like climbing on me and i was like pushing him off and then I went into my apartment really fast and closed the door behind me. so then I had a roommate and I was like "hey I just like woke up from a coma and birds started attacking me and now there's this little kid outside. can you like take care of him please" and she was like "no sorry I've had a really hard day" and I was like "fine ill take care of it" and so I opened the door again and this kid was laying on the ground unconscious. and it was terrible and I was like oh no like I have to take him to a hospital right now. and then it stopped being me and it was just some guy instead but I was watching everything like a movie. I'll call him guy 1. so the guy 1 was looking for an exit but couldnt find any so he called his friend guy 2 and was like "hey i have this kid here can you help me like what am I supposed to do" and the guy was like "bring him down these specific stairs and there's a shipyard down here I'm working at and we'll take care of him" but then the guy 1 realized that the kid was dead so he put him in like a wooden crate and started taking him to the shipyard. so then he was in the shipyard and he put the crate in the like the dumpster and guy 2 was like nononono. but then everyone else started putting their trash in the dumpster on top. and one girl like put a bucket with this like acid in it and everyone was walking away but then everyone was like "omg what's that smell like it smells like when that acid is burning a human so there must be a person in the garbage and we need to get them out!!!" and so everyone was like taking the garbage out and then they found the crate but the kid wasn't in the crate anymore but then they kept looking and they found a bunch of cooked meatballs. and it was concluded that the meatballs were made of human and then I woke up before anyone found out anything sadly

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softxsuki · 3 years ago

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Hey I saw your requests open and that you do emergency requests? Idk if this counts but if it doesn't make you uncomfortable I'd appreciate it.

This is a little hard to write about so please excuse me if its hard to understand. My ex was very toxic and emotionally abusive, manipulative, compulsive liar, petty, violent (he never hurt me on purpose I think but in retrospect I'm not sure). It took me years to get away from him because I was terrified of him. He never cared about my needs and forced me into a lot of sexual things I didn't want but pretended to. I guess it was unwilling consent? I don't want to say rape but maybe? Idk. I lost all my friends and demolished my relationships with my family. They didn't like him from the beginning but I was obstinate and didn't listen. I've kinda repaired the relationship with my parents but I still freak out when thinking of dating someone new. But I'm a hopeless romantic and I really want to find love but I'm afraid. I think I'm ready to start socializing again.

Basically I wanted to request a one-shot or whatever works for you. My comfort character isn't on your list (Iwaizumi) but his bestie is. If I could get an Oikawa x Reader where she is part of the Seijoh 4 friend group who didn't abandon her even though her ex was trash. And now that its been some time Oikawa confesses to her but she's scared to ruin things and he will hate her because there's some stuff she hadn't told them happened. And she tells him (you don't have to describe that you can just skip over it cuz I know its dark and uncomfortable) after he coaxes it out of her that he will still love her. He comforts her and tells her how amazing she is and is totally worth it and not garbage or used or whatever. (I totally feel like used goods not worth even recycling some days). They end up together?

I'm so sorry this was long and I'm about ready to delete it but I've been typing for over half an hour so I might at well submit and if you delete it thats ok.

Oikawa With Reader Who Has A Toxic Ex-Relationship

Pairings: Oikawa x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of manipulation, verbal/physical/sexual abuse, toxic relationships with an ex (lemme know if I missed anything)

Genre: Angst to fluff(ish), comfort, Friends to Lovers AU

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: In which time as passed since your toxic relationship with your ex ended and your friend, Oikawa suddenly confesses to you. (Horrible summary. Are we surprised? Probably not :3)

[A/N: Hello anon! I'm glad you felt comfortable coming to me with your urgent request. I never turn down urgent requests/any request in general, unless I don't know enough about the requested topic, which could have me writing inaccurate information or portrayals which could offend someone, and I don't want to do that. Toxic exes are something I've frequently read about in books and heard about from friends and acquaintances, so I felt like I could write this for you. (Lemme be honest here, I've never been in a relationship, but 90% of my content is about a romance with someone so...JNEKANF I can get creative ig). I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through with your toxic ex. No one should ever have to experience something like that when they were getting into a relationship where they thought they'd be loved. Thankfully not all men are like that; there are plenty of good men out there who would treat you like a queen, which you deserve! I hope you get to live out your romantic fantasies one day with someone who will treat you like the queen that you are. I hope I did your request justice ;-; and hopefully it provides you with some comfort. Also sorry about not writing for Iwaizumi. I do plan on writing for him eventually one day! I'm just still stuck on season 2 of Haikyuu!! so I don't know that much about him yet. Oikawa was one of the characters that stuck out to me and they even gave a little info about his past, so I feel like I understand him better as a character. Once I learn more about Iwaizumi though, I will definitely add him as a character I write for :) sorry about that, but hopefully Oikawa pulls through and comforts you in this oneshot. Enjoy <3]

“Hey Y/N, wait up!” you hear a voice yell out behind you.

You stop in your tracks and turn around to see one of your friends, Oikawa, running towards you.

“Tooru?” you question with the tilt of your head, “What are you doing here?”

He came to a stop in front of you, out of breath from running, “I just got out of practice, the guys said they had to go, but I saw you pass by so I thought I’d call out for you. You walk pretty fast though. Did you know that?”

You shrug your shoulders, “Now I do.”

He throws a hand onto your head and the two of you begin to walk side by side.

“So what’s up? I’m just heading home and you don’t live this way so…” you trail off.

“Don’t worry about it, let’s just keep walking for a second,�� he replies absentmindedly, one hand still on your head as the other was stuffed in his pocket.

You don’t question it though. Oikawa was the type to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. You figured he’d eventually part from you and go his own way when he was nearing his own destination, but that didn’t happen.

Your walk with him was uncharacteristically silent, only the sound of your shoes meeting the pavement could be heard. You look over at your friend and notice the empty expression on his face as his mind travels elsewhere; his mouth set in a line as he looks up at the sky.

“Okay well I’m home. I’ll see you around?”

“Huh? No, wait!” he grabs your wrist gently to keep you from moving away from him, pausing your movement.

He drops your wrist as quickly as he held it and takes a step back, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Tooru, what is it?” you ask, confused as to why he was acting off.

“Look, the thing is, I talked to Iwa-Chan about this and the other guys as well, and they all said I should just go for it, but I know your past and I don’t want to rush things or anything, but…” he averts his eyes from yours, taking in a deep breath before speaking again. “I like you. Actually at this point it’s beyond liking you…I love you Y/N. I can’t remember the moment it happened, but it just did. It hit me fast and I couldn’t stop it from progressing this far.”

You take a step back, your heart racing not only from the shock of having him confess to you so suddenly, but also from fear. Fear of being loved again. Fear of loving someone again. It was apparent that Oikawa was handsome; the tons of fangirls he had chasing after him was proof enough. Though you had a bad past with your relationship with your toxic ex, you knew Oikawa was nothing like him. In fact Seijoh 4 had stuck by your side when your other friends all left you when you were together with your ex.

“Tooru…” you say in a wary tone, “You know I-”

“I know. I know you don’t have the greatest history with men because of your scumbag of an ex. You don’t have to answer me now anyway, I just wanted to get it out in the open because it’s been hanging over me for a while now. I’ll wait for as long as you need though,” he smiles cheerfully at you.

“It’s not that. I- I think you’re handsome and you’re an amazing friend, no doubt you’d make a great boyfriend as well,” you swallow hard, getting ready to say something you had been ashamed of since you ended things with your ex, “I didn’t tell you or the rest of the guys everything that happened during the time I was together with my ex. I’m sure if you knew the truth, you’d take back your declaration of love for me.”

And it was true. Oikawa didn’t know the real ugliness of your previous relationship. He didn’t know the full extent of the toxicity that came with your ex. The manipulation, the verbal and physical abuse, not even the absolute fear you had for your ex that prolonged your relationship with him because you couldn’t build the courage to end things, in fear that he’d hurt you or do something even worse to you. He didn’t know anything. All he knew was that your ex was a piece of garbage and didn’t treat you the way a man should treat a woman.

“Please don’t cry,” you hear Oikawa say, bringing you back from your thoughts as you suddenly feel his hands cup your face.

“Huh?”

You reach up and wipe your eyes and sure enough, your fingers are wet with your tears. Tears you hadn’t even realized were falling as you thought about your past with your ex.

“Nothing you say could ever make me think any differently of you,” his fingers replace yours in wiping your tears away softly with the utmost of care, “I’m sure there were things you wanted to keep to yourself, but if it’s eating away at you like this and preventing you from moving forward, possibly with me, then I wouldn’t mind hearing it. I promise I’ll still be here, feelings unchanged for you until the end. Don’t feel pressured to tell me though, I don’t want to force you if you’re not comfortable.”

His hands mov from your face down to your hands where he reaches forward and intertwines his fingers with yours, trying to show you his love in a way that wouldn’t have you running for the hills.

You thought about it for a while, enjoying the warmth his hand transferred to your own. You were a hopeless romantic; a sucker for cheesy pick-up lines and acts of chivalry that most women would probably gag at. You had desired a relationship where the man you were with would love you–actually love you. But that small voice inside you was against the idea completely. Putting horrible thoughts that a new relationship with a man could end up just like your last one. Oikawa was different though, you knew that. You could see the patience he had as he waited for you to decide what you wanted to do, love seeping from his eyes at you. You wanted that. You wanted to feel his love for you.

“Okay,” you finally say after going through the pros and cons of telling him the dark secrets of your ex that you kept hidden away, “I’ll tell you.”

He nods understandingly and you both take a seat on the steps outside your house as you prepare to share with him what went down behind closed doors that you couldn’t tell him at the time. You wanted to trust him and tell him so that if he stuck around till the end and still cared for you, then maybe you could both move forward together. Maybe you could feel a love that you felt you didn’t deserve. Maybe.

So you told him everything. Every tiny, ugly detail–you let it all out. And he listened patiently to every word. Whenever you’d stumble over your words or pause to collect yourself, he’d pat you on the back and tell you it’s okay. Whenever you’d shed a tear from reliving those traumatic, painful memories, he’d wipe them away for you and tell you that you could stop if you wanted, but you couldn’t. It was your chance to finally be free from the weight of your past that you were holding onto. Oikawa was a new ray of hope that appeared in your life; he was your chance to start new.

When you finish telling him everything, you look down at the ground, feeling ashamed of your past. There was no way he would accept you after hearing everything. You felt like you weren’t worthy of his love anymore.

“Hey,” he says softly, leaning down a little so he could see your face, but you turn away from him, scared that he’d leave you and you’d lose not only his friendship, but the new opportunity to become something more with him.

“I know exactly what’s going through your mind right now and I want to make it clear that you’re wrong. I still love you.”

“Really?”

Those four words had your heartbeat echoing in your ears. The hope inside you that was beginning to die out was set ablaze and you finally looked up at him. He gave you a smile and reached for your hand again.

“Mhm, really,” he smiles at you, “I don’t blame you for anything that happened, so you shouldn’t either. I understand why you felt scared of your ex and why you felt like you couldn’t leave him. Frankly, I’m just upset at him even more than I already was. I can’t understand how a man can treat the woman he’s supposed to love like that. It’s disgusting. You’re an amazing, strong woman for making it through that. I’m proud of you for making it this far and I know there are so many wonderful things waiting for you in the future. You deserve every great thing headed your way, so don’t hold yourself back.”

“Thank you. I really needed to hear that. I can’t put into words how relieved I am and thankful I am for having you here, listening to me and understanding me without judgment. I’m sorry that I kept it from you for so long.”

“It’s okay. I don’t blame you for keeping it to yourself, but I’m glad you shared it with me. I feel like I just got a little closer to you, emotionally,” he squeezes your hand.

You scoot closer to him, feeling your heart hammer in your chest, but the fear that was once there is gone. You could only feel excitement and anticipation for what was to come.

“I think I’d like to give this a chance. I know you wouldn’t treat me like my ex did and I’d love to see where this could take us,” you mumble bashfully.

“Really?” He beams, looking at you like a child on Christmas morning, eyes wide with a huge smile plastered on his face.

“Yeah,” you smile at him, “But could we take things slow? If that’s okay with you?”

“Of course! Yes! A million times yes! We can take it at your pace, however slow you want to take this. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“Thank you,” you say, this time you’re the one squeezing his hand.

“I love you.”

There it was. The words that made you feel good inside, yet still made you wince slightly at the possibilities of where they would take you both moving forward. But you weren't scared, not with Oikawa.

“Thank you for loving me,” you whisper, leaning your head on his shoulder.

It was all you could muster as a response to his love, but you knew one day you’d both be exchanging those beautiful words to one another.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted 12/24/2021

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iguessweallcrazyithinktho · 3 years ago

Text

𝑭𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 3

Part 1 | part 2

—Summary: harry starts tour off in Vegas; he invites you, his friend, to the show to support him. You stand in the crowd and watch him with so much proudness, harry notices you and he also starts to notice he loved you for a while.

—genre: smut

—warning: unprotected sex, slow and kinda meaningful.

—pairing: harry Styles x reader

—trope: friends to lovers

I DON'T GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO POST MY CONTENT ANYWHERE

Comment and reblogs welcome!

Harry pressed you up against the door, deeply kissing you. You almost wanted it to never end, but unfortunately harry pulled away. His lips were pink and swollen making you giggled.

"mhm," harry moaned. "I've always wanted to do that." Harry pulled away and turned back to his clothes he was going to put on.

"why didn't you do it earlier then?" You walked over to harry as he slipped on his graphic tee. Harry sighed. "I was nervous, I wanted to do it in Vegas, but I couldn't. I liked for a while now, y'Been there for me more than anyone has and I was afraid to ruin what we had." Harry slipped off his pants not caring that you were in the room, you didn't mind either. "Well, you don't have to hide it. It wasn't going to ruin our friendship harry."

Harry looked over at you, he gave you a smile before he walked over to you. "I know now darlin." He leaned down and kissed your lips.

"um I'll come by your hotel room later, I'll bring us some food ok?" You nodded, "alright." Harry let go of you letting you leave. Once you were out of the room you made your way to your hotel awaiting Harry.

As you waited for harry you had slipped into your robe and put on a movie. Around 12 harry came knocking on your door. You smiled as you got up from your bed and walked over to the door. Before you opened it you looked through the peephole. Sure enough it was Harry standing there with a a bag.

you opened the door, "hi." Harry smiled. "Hi, sorry it's a little late. I got food." He held up the bag so you can see it. "Well, come in then." You moved out of the way letting harry in. He walked over to the bed and sat the stuff down on the table. He got you a burger which costed a ton and he got himself some pasta with fries that you both were Sharing. You both sat on the bed against the headboard and munched on your food. A random show was playing and even though it was Random it was quite interesting.

When you were done eating harry tossed all of your Stuff in the garbage and returned back to the bed where you were still.

"so tomorrow we have to get up around 8 so we can get going to the next stop." Harry said as he ran his hands over his face. "I'm not sure if I can go back to my hotel room. It's too far away."

You sighed, you weren't sure if you wanted to ask but at this point you couldn't hold back.

"do you wanna stay in my room For the night?"

Harry turned his head looking at you. "Are you sure?" You hummed and nodded. "Yeah, I don't mind. Could use the company." You softly smiled at harry which caused him to smile. "Ok well I'll go brush my teeth and I'll be back then."

Harry pushed back the blanket and got up sprinting to the bathroom. You giggled to yourself noticing how happy he was. He wasn't very good at hiding it.

After the both of you brushed your teeth you got under the covers and dozed off to sleep. Around 3 you woke up due to absolutely. Groaning lowly you turned to see if harry was asleep- sure enough he was. You sighed and turned back to your previous spot trying your best to fall back to sleep.

Through your tossing and turning you didn't notice you had woken up harry in the process. As you let out another huff harry snaked his arm around your waist making you yelp. "Can't sleep?"

A soft sigh fell from your lips. "Yeah, sorry if I woke you up." You turned around to face harry. You could barely see him but it didn't stop you from smiling at his. Harry brought his hand up to your cheek and stroked it with his thumb just like he did the day before. It wasn't long before harry lips were on yours. You wrapped your arms around his waist, tangling your legs with his. Harry has been dreaming for this moment and now that he was in it, he didn't want it to end.

Harry snuck his hand under your shirt gripping your breast. He rolled his thumb your nipple causing you to moan. Harry pulled away from your lips to look at you. "Do you want to do this?"

You nodded. "Yeah, I do."

Harry needed nothing more. His lips returned to your lips, this Time adding tongue. You decided to take this opportunity to be onto. You began to straddle him, your lips not leaving Harry's. Harry brought his hands to your waist and began to grind them down on his now growing cock. You smile into the kiss before pulling away.

"do you wanna be inside of me?" You looked down at harry as he nodded slightly almost as if he was shy.

"ok then, take off your boxers and I'll take my sweats off." You climbed off his lap, you both pulled off your sweats And panties, harry taking off his boxers. When you were both bottomless you returned back to your previous position. You felt Harry's long length against your fold. If you weren't already soaked, you would definitely be now.

"y'so wet baby." Harry mumbled. You began to move your hips against his cock making him moan. "Y/n, please." Harry whined. "Please what harry?" You egged him on making harry grow flustered. "Please, fuck me."

You chuckled before you took his cock in pressed it into yourself. From how huge harry was it took Time to adjust to him, but when you did you began to roll your hips.

You and Harry moaned at the same time, loving how it felt. Your pace Soon went from slow to fast. You were now bouncing on his cock, harry was moaning loudly and so were you. His tip dragged against your core making you feel warm, and making your wall around him.

"fuck, you feel so good." Harry growled as he took a hold of your waist. You gripped the headboard for leverage as you began to draw closer to your high.

"fuck." You grumbled out. "Harry I'm so close." You looked down at him seeing Harry deep in the moment with his eyes shut and Moans slipping from his pretty lips.

"cum for me baby, cum on my cock."

You rolled your hips a few more times before you came undone. You collapsed against Harry's chest as he came in you. His warm cum filled you, painting your walls. You both laid there until you caught your breath.

"god, that was amazing." You said slowly getting off Harry's lap and laying down on the empty bed space. Harry chuckled lazily turning to you. "yeah that was. Now," harry turned onto his side. "You think you can go to sleep now?" You laughed. "Yeah, I think I can." You turned onto your side, pulling the covers up your arm. "Good night harry." "Good night.. again."

You chuckled softly shutting your eyes. You drifted off to sleep with a smile on your face. You didn't know it, but harry did as well. He was glad he kissed you.

This is so bad, but enjoy

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry Styles fanfiction #harry Styles x you

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itsmadamehydra · 4 years ago

Text

My Savior || Wayne McCullough

A/N: Just some teenage girl trying to write the story inside her head, hope u like it.

Pairing: Wayne McCullough x oc

Warnings: rape, intention of rape, harassment, blood mention, bullying, language (a little strong)

.................

I've always like to watch him by far, he just seems different from the rest (and oh boy, he is).

The first time I saw him I was in 7th grade. I was just one more girl of the many others that her tities just had started to show and my period started to visit me. I remember that day clearly, I was sitting at the hallway with my bestfriend at the time, eating infront of our lockers when I saw him.

"Am telling ya girl, the answer of number 5 was c." I said trying to reason with her about the science test answers "I told you that if u needed help to study, I could help ya." I smile at her and move my arm upward to touch her shoulder

"Yeah, yeah, I know...are you sure it was not D?" she said frowning her eyebrows once more. We stayed in silence for a sec before bursting into laughter and tears

Little by little our laughs started to fade, allowing ears to hear the background and aswell some loud voices, it sounded like an argument but by the hears of it a fight was going to start soon. "What you think is happening over there?" Cassie murmured, I stared at the end of the hallway where apparently was were the voices were coming from.

"I don't know..." my lips formed a thin line while I was thinking about what could have been happening in there, "You wanna, you know, go and see?" I looked back at my friend

"Freak yeah" she laughed grabbing my hand and running down the hallway to see the soon to be fight.

Once we got there, there was a mass of students surrounding what appeared to be the ones who where arguing. "Ugh, I can't see, I hate been so small." I said, "Hey, that smallness is beautiful and you know you can use that in your own benefit" Cassia said and winked at me.

"I mean, yeah but I can't-" my word stopped at the moment I heard a want sounded and I believe to be a punch in the face. "You saw that!?" Cassie said, "That was freaking awesome, please tell me you saw it!" "Um, nah Cassie, I cant see a crap" i said while trying to find a whole where to see through.

It was only a matter of seconds until more punches were heard. I started pushing people more frantically, I wanted to see what was happening. When I get pass a few amount of studens I almost slipped, looked sown to see what was it and it was stains of blood, only a few but still.

"Oh gosh, disgusting." When I look up only a few students are still in the cafeteria and a guy wearing a grey hoddie was just there, staring at the bloodie face of another guy. I stared back at the hoddie guy and noticed a little hammer in his hand, and the words just came out of my mouth without even noticing, "Why the hammer? Want to be a constructed or something?" He just stared at me and pass by me without saying a word and keeping a neutral face.

"Who the hell was that crazy ass weirdo?" I hear Cassie's voice behind me. "I don't know" I responded, "But I will know...one day."

"Ok,ok, am not going to get in between your little search thingi but am sure he is not good news." Cassie said, "You saw what he did, and he has a FREAKING hammer, y/n! Covered in blood y/n!" She grabbed my shoulders from behind, "I think we all understood the message, stay the fuck away from him, honey."

And I just smiled.

Months later I learned his name. Wayne, Wayne McCullough. Fits the ring if you ask me. Everyone was speaking about how violent, crazy and wierdo he was, about how he was going to show up at your house to beat the hell put of you.

I just observed him by far, well, I like to think that I noticed him. I noticed how he usually beats up those who are some assholes jerks that have only one brain cell as much. Noticed that he is not much of a talker and a shy boy. Noticed how he makes his lips thin when he gets lost in thoughts. How he closes his fist when he is about to do something. His strangely high pain tolerance. His pale skin and dark hair appeared to me to be very llamative and aswell his strength. He was and is skinny but somehow has a great strength, maybe do to the unincredible amounts of fights he gets in. Experience makes the master is what the say...right?

Years went by, we entered to highschool and the nervousness along with the fast beating, sweating and butterflies were still there every time i either tought about him or saw him walking around.

Cassie stayed with me for a while until she decided to join the group of nasty ass bitches with no brain cells who believed no one was better than them. While I...well, I stayed small for a big part I guess, always with good grades, teachers love me and try to be nice with every one I guess.

Everything was going great until Cassie along with some guys recorded me somehow while being drunk and them trying to overpass the boundaries, and let me tell ya.. that was just the start.

The had videos of me at the school bathroom, pictures of my underwear under my skirts and dresses, them trying to touch me. I had to learn to defend myself, stopped using skirts, dresses, shorts even do I loved wearing the. Replace my shoes with tennis and always had hair ties.

"Y/n, wake up! You're going to be late for school, don't think ama wait for you!" I mom yelled.

"Yes, mom! Dont worry, am up!" I run down the stairs with my backpack, went to the kitchen, grabbed an apple and went straight to the car.

"Oh for God sake, y/n" she said went she looked at me and noticed my new hair style.

"What? You don't like it? I just cut it a little." I satered at her innocently

"Your father is not gonna like it and you know it." She said and the stress lines appeared in her forehead, "You know this is his weekend and-"

She couldn't finish her sentence because I started taking, "Am not going to that dickheads house, mother." I said strainly, "Don't want to see his and face of that bitch he cheated you with..." i lowly said but loud enough to hear.

"I know, honey but you have to and besides you get to see your brother!" She patted my thigh, "Haven't seen him in a while right?" She said with a sad tone

"You should be the one seeing him...not me." I stared outside the window, there were just some trees and houses and garbage.

Mom and dad divorced a while back, he cheated on her. The house was a mess that day, screams and broken glass everywhere. Sammy was lucky, he was at grandma's but I was home...listening to every single word. That was also the first time a sneaked out and the first time I sort-of spoke to Wayne.

"What are you doing here?" I heard someone said behind me, I looked and it was fucking Wayne

"Just trying to have some quietness i guess..." I stared at my fingers and started playing with them because of my nervousness, "...What are you doing here?" I asked softly

And he stayed silent...the whole time after that. Either way, his company was nice and the side profile, ufff, amazing.

"Ok, we are here." I stared at the building for a sec before giving my mother a kiss in her cheek and entered to the building.

"Hey y/n! Nice ass!" That was the jerk of all jerks, Jonathan.

I turned around and stared at him, "Oh yeah?" He nodded, "Want to see me shop of your dick?" Changed my tone while saying that into a lower and more serious tone. He just stared at me with sealed lips and left.

I continued walking to my locker and I come to see tgat my freaking lock is broken, I search in all the spaces but nothing is missing.

"Come on! They had just changed me of locker!" I silently yelled. Started grabbing my books for the next few classes when I felt a hand in my shoulder, by instinct I grabbed the wrist, pushed the person against the locker and added pressure in the throat with my other arm.

"Hey y/n" Orlando smiled, "New move?" I chuckled and removed my arm, now, standing face to face I respond

"You know you shouldn't do that Orlando bunny." I laugh st the nickname I gave him a few time ago. Orlando was one of the few FEW people who talked to me, well, he talked to everyone but still.

"I know... I just forgot I guess man." He looked down, "Y/n...have your tities grown bigger?" His face looked confused.

I slapped his head and punched his shoulder, "Could you please stop looking and thinking 'bout tities when am around you?"

"I mean, yeah sure...and sorry about your lock." He points the locker, "Wayne thought it was still his but since-" I cut him off before he could continue

"Wayne?" I asked confused

"Yeah, Is tha-" i cut him off again

"Why did he tho?" I murmured staring at my lock in hand.

"It used to be his locker but oh well...he missed school for 3 weeks and yeah." He grabs his backpacks laces after explaining.

"Oh...ok, is he still here tho?" I looked at Orlando

"I guess..." he was about to say pther thing when the bell ring and we started to go toour classes, "See you later gorgeous!" He yells from the corner of the hallway.

I stayed there...just staring at my lock for a while, then order my things fast and left to class. What I didn't know was that someone was watching at me.

Three days later, i was walking back home and i heard s car going at full speed and nasty comments were started to be listend. I kept walking trying tk pretend they didn't exist when the car is suddenly over the sideway and infront of me.

"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME ASSHOLES!!" I yelled.

"But...you are bot dead right, bitch?" Jonathan said getting out of the car. There were five, 2 guys and 3 girls. "Don't prefer to suck my dick and be my slut, promise I'll pay a good amount." He said infront of me,

"She is already a slut baby." Veronica said

"I bet she has sleeped with half school, wouldn't surprise me if you haven been org*e or something." You know, comments are comments, you are the one who decide what hurt you and whats does not, but being Cassie the one who said that...broke my freaking heart.

I couldn't stand it anymore, wanted to leave the place so i came up with a plan very fast. I walked closer to Jonathan trying to be the most seductive I could, touched his chest, abs and got closer to his ear and said, "You are going to regret everything" Punched him with all my strenght in this genitiles, stomp on his feet, punched his nose and ran the faster I could out of there.

"You bitch!" I heard from far but i continued running, I couldn't stop, i was scared, didn't know what could happen if the get me. I could hear the car engines behind me, but i didn't stop.

I was close a bridge, ran underneath it, passed some houses but i could still hear the voices and car. My legs hurt, i needed to catch my breath, i could hear my heart beat, my body felt on fire. When I less expected am suddenly trapped, there were some abandoned buildings and warehouses but no way to get put of there. This was it, my end.

"Couldn't escape from me you nasty little bitch!?" I heard his voice, i was never one to pray but believe when i say i begged to God to save me. "You ain't going anywhere...bitch" he was behind me, I could sense it.

My hair was pulled, he pulls me by my hair to his car and i notice that it's just him and another guy. Am not getting out of here.

"We are going to have so much fun!" He licks my cheek and i try to kick him wherever.

"HELP!" I yelled, "SOMEBODY PLEASE, HELP!" my voice sounded horrific, like if i hadn't drank a single drop of water in ages, "please" y murmure my last pledge before he finally puts me over the capo of his car.

"No one's gonna help you, you slut." He says, the other guy was just watching and standing still, doing nothing.

I gave up, didn't even notice I was crying until I tasted the salt in my lips. I felt him over me, unbucking my pants and then...i didnt felt his weight anymore, instead, i heard a cry of pain, and then another cry, and another and another.

I lifted my head and there he was, grey hoddie and little hammer in hand...my savior. I smiled.

My smile just grew bigger and bigger every second I saw that boy swing that motherfucker hammer, every second that Jonathan's blood was spilled. I lool around in search pf the pther guy scared that he might try to grab but I get calm when i see him unconscious on the floor.

A few minuts later th cries stop and i look up, Jonathan was missing 3 teeths and face covered with blood, i think he could even have a brocken rib or something.

Am sitting on top of the car's capo when a feel a slight, fragile touch.

"You ok?" Wayne askes pulling a string of my hair behind my ear.

"...now I am." I smile to him and he returns a little small tiny one with a grin. I was about to say something else when he suddenly speaks

"Want to be my girlfriend or whatever?" He says looking exhausted, I chuckle

"Try a little harder and I might be." I say soflty with a small thin smile and he avoids my eyes but I still get to notice a small blush.

...................

Hey! So, yeah. This is my first ever published thing. Hope you enjoyed it and if you want a part two or to keep writing, am open to any suggestion! Am not very good with the warnings section so if you could help me with it, i would totally apreciate that!

Thank you for reading,

#fanfic #wayne mccullough #wayne mccullough x reader #wayne mccullough x y/n #fanfiction #wayne mccullough fanfic #wayne mccullough fanfiction #wayne #wayne x reader

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