#SOMEBODY HELP THIS MAN IM SERIOUS

[dykephan]

if phil said the december i mean october thing because he had a migraine and forgot his line i'm going to ceremonially kill myself as penance for talking about it so much. i'm so sick at the thought of him accidentally revealing personal information before he was ready. MANY SUCH CASES :(

[bingobongobonko]

mumble mumble. today's not my day. paid bills which good! good! okay, thats good! paid! and might have new job, emphasis on might. i dont know if ill get it. feel like shit. idk. yeah that's normal week. might make a comm post as much as the idea stresses me out, like i understand its important and what people do, and i genuinely understand others who do, because why the hell wouldnt they, it just feels so weird on my part. yk. idk idk idk idk, my brain is weird. if it's fine for other people, if not awesome, same goes for me? i think? so why am i so panicked. im a hypocrite who's bad at this. after i finish this twist character sheet and the comm from my friend gonna make a public commissions post i think. or try to

[amiableness]

ummmmmmmmmmm the jealous james in the grocery store??? OMFG R U KIDDING IM GOING FERAL IMAGINING IT

Jealous james at the park when people think reader is single mum and try hitting on her

Jealous james watching reader all giggly by someone so he sends Henry to distract her

Jealous james watching the reader getting eyed so strolls over henry on his hip, making it seem like they are a couple "He wants you darling"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

also also i could just imagine that whenever reader is talking to someone else both James and Henry get pouty because her attention is not on them

Just imagine james chilling out with the boys henry with him when he looks at his son and sees the most upset, angry look on henrys face and follows his gaze to see reader talking to somebody now they are both just watching all pouty and sirius and remus are laughing their heads off

or Henry being possessive over reader just like his daddy

Reader sees kid looking sad and goes over to try and help and henry just tugging on james' sleeve pointing "go get my reader"

or shes pushing him on the swings and another child wants a push "NO! my reader!"

or like whatever nickname he'd have for her because i imagine he would

like calling her love or something cuz he heard james calling her it

her boys just being obsessed with her

woah that was a lot sorry not sorry

Dad!James Potter x Bsf!Reader ☼ 762 words

James narrows his eyes, focusing intently on you as you stand beside a man he doesn’t recognize. Your laughter carries across the lawn, a sound that usually belongs to him, and it drives him crazy. The guy next to you seems to revel in the effect he’s having, his gaze fixed on you with an admiration that makes James bristle. The way he looks at you—like you’re the most captivating woman in the room—doesn’t escape James. While he can’t deny that you’re breathtaking, the idea of another man gazing at you with such intensity unsettles him deeply.

“I don’t blame her, honestly. Corey’s quite funny.” Sirius says, reclining in the chair next to James with an easygoing air. His eyes are shielded by dark sunglasses, and he sprawls comfortably, like a content cat basking in the sun. His relaxed demeanor contrasts sharply with James, who is sitting upright, shoulders tense, and gaze fixed intently on you.

At their feet, Henry occupies himself on the patio, diligently pushing his bright red toy car along the pavement. The small wheels click rhythmically against the concrete, and Henry makes enthusiastic vrooming noises, his face scrunched with concentration. The late afternoon sun casts a warm, golden glow over the backyard.

Lily Evans is hosting the backyard get-together, blending friends from school with those she’s made as an adult. Though she is his ex, James is grateful they parted on good terms. He still considers her a close friend and values their continued relationship.

“Corey.” James repeats, his voice laced with a sharp edge of irritation. Sirius shifts his gaze from you and Corey to James, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. He’s not at all surprised by the undercurrent of jealousy in his friend’s tone.

Sirius observes James’s clenched jaw and the way his eyes narrow at the sight of the blond. “Yeah, Corey Cartwright,” he says, his tone teasing. “Real funny guy. And single, too.” As James’s gaze snaps sharply to Sirius, the latter cackles, clearly enjoying the reaction he’s elicited.

“What the fu—” James starts but cuts himself off, glancing down at his son, who is intently focused on his toy car. He then turns a sharp glare at Sirius. “Are you serious? Because this isn’t funny.”

“You know what is funny?” Sirius says, casually pointing in your direction with his bottle. “If you don’t make a move soon, Y/N might end up with this guy.” James watches, his stomach churning, as you begin to hand your phone to Corey. Corey takes it with a smooth, confident smile, the conversation animated and easy. The interaction only fuels James’s unease, making him more anxious about the situation.

“Henry!” James says, his voice tinged with urgency. “See Y/N over there? Why don’t you go show her your car?” Henry looks up at his father with wide, curious eyes before scrambling uneasily to his feet and darting toward you, clutching his toy car tightly.

James watches as Henry tugs at your jeans and raises his arms, a clear signal he wants to be picked up. His gaze softens when you bend down and lift Henry effortlessly, settling him comfortably on your hip. You still clutch your phone in your hand, but your attention is entirely on the three-year-old now. Henry’s face lights up with a delighted smile as he nestles against you, and you respond warmly as he shows you his car.

The man standing next to you frowns in confusion, clearly thrown off by the abrupt change in the dynamic. He looks between you and Henry, trying to make sense of the scene, while James’s unease resolves itself.

“Pathetic,” Sirius sighs, his voice tinged with a mix of disappointment and amusement. “You should ask the poor girl out instead of scaring off all her options.” He stands up, stretching before heading into the house. As he walks away, James watches him go, his mind racing with scenarios of confessing his feelings to you.

That’s a problem for another day, he decides.

Turning his attention back to you and Henry, James takes in the sight of you gently cradling his son, your face softened by a loving smile. The way Henry clings to you, completely absorbed in the moment, makes James’s chest tighten with a mix of longing and protectiveness.

Corey remains beside you, still looking confused and shifting uncomfortably, clearly feeling out of place. James notices and decides to step in. “Sorry to interrupt you two,” he says, giving Corey a brief, blank glance. “He really wanted to see you, darling.”

please reblog or comment with your thoughts! they are very appreciated and keep me motivated to keep writing! 🤍

[harrysfolklore]

i need a lando x brazilian!reader for sao paulo gp!!

persistence - ln4

summary: lando has the biggest crush on a brazilian model and he won’t give up until she gives him a chance

folkie radio: HAPPY LANDO DAY !! for some reason, my lando fics are always my least fave but i needed to post something for his bdayyyy, i hope you like this

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

liked by landonorris, sabrinacarpenter and 748,296 others

yourinstagram i ❤️ LA

view all comments

username1 THE FACE CARDDD

username2 if i looked like that i wouldn’t let anyone give me crap

username3 IT GIRL

alexademie Loved seeing you 😍

username4 brazilian women >>>

iamrebeccad 😍

username5 WHAT IS LANDO NORRIS DOING IN THE LIKES 😭

username6 lando i see you what are you up to

carlossainz55 Hermosa !

↳ username1 sometimes i forget she’s actually friends with carlos

↳ username2 ouuu maybe this is why lando is in the likes

↳ yourinstagram miss you carlitosss

madisonbeer pelase come more often loml 💘

↳ yourinstagram you should comento brazil miss!

username7 LINDA

username8 can’t believe we’re from the same country but i don’t look like this

alexandrasaintmleux ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 you beautyyy

↳ username2 IT GIRLS FR

landonorris Pretty girl 😍

↳ username1 LANDO HELLO?

↳ username2 HES SO BOLD

↳ username3 yn not even replying 😭

liked by carlossainz55, alex_albon and 1,027,638 others

landonorris memories from my last time in brazil 📸

view all comments

username1 LANDOOOO

username2 HELLO SIR WTF

username3 what was the reason for this thirst trap NOT COMPLAINING THO 😭

charles_leclerc Who let the dogs out?

↳ username1 HELP MEEEEE

username4 lando norris what are you up to

username5 I WANT TO LICK HIM

mclaren Good start of the week 🙌

username6 confess lando who are you trying to charm

username7 HES SUCH A MAN

danielricciardo I’m looking respectfully

↳ username2 HE GETS IT

username8 lando posting a thirst trap from BRAZIL and not so randomly commenting on a brazilian model’s post LANDO I SEE WHAT YOU DO

carlossainz55 😂😂😂

username9 BE SERIOUS

f1gossip We’ll get to the bottom of this 👀

username10 i need to know how his brain works

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texts between carlos and lando

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yourinstagram has added to their stories

landonorris sent you a message request

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liked by landonorris, lilyrosedepp and 798,499 others

yourinstagram somebody come get this man… i think he got lost in my dms

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username1 IT GIRL

username2 how bad i wish i was her

username3 the amount of random celebs that probably slide into her dms 😭

lizzobeeating those lyrics 🤌🤌

username4 SPILL DEETS

username5 expose them bestie expose them

sabrinacarpenter i’m still laughing

↳ brunamarquezine me too

↳ yourinstagram we all 🤫

username6 i need her bandana asap

username7 MESSY QUEEN

alexandrasaintmleux 😍😍 my style inspo !

↳ yourinstagram miss YOU are my style inspo we need to meet asap ❤️‍🔥

↳ username1 AHHH THIS CROSSOVER

carlossainz55 Forgive him… he’s just a boy

↳ iamrebeccad 😂😂

↳ username2 HUH WHATS THIS ABOUT???

↳ yourinstagram keep him humble carlitos

landonorris stunning 🤤

↳ username1 NOT THIS AGAIN

↳ username2 plot twist hes the man who got lost in her dms

liked by daniel3.jpg, carlossainz55 and 355,836 others

lando.‪jpg i’ll take that as a compliment

view all comments

username1 LANDOOOOO

username2 he remember the password for this account

username3 WHAT DOES HE MEAN 😭

charles_leclerc 😂😂😂😂

daniel3.jpg mate im sure that’s not how it works…

‬ ↳ lando.‪jpg did i ask?

↳ username1 HUH LET ME IN

username4 WHAT IS HE ON ABOUT

username5 who’s attention is he trying to get with this post

username6 lando has been moving weirdly lately

carlossainz55 EMBARRASING

↳ charles_leclerc Please make him understand

↳ georgerussell63 😂😂😂😂

↳ username2 WHAT IS THIS

↳ username3 I NEED TO BE PART OF THEIR INSIDE JOKES

↳ username4 I HATE THEM

↳ lando.jpg can’t hear the haters

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris and 609,638 others

yourinstagram monaco i am in you ✨

view all comments

username1 FACE CARDDDD

username2 the queen in monaco ? slay

username3 i know a certain mclaren driver will like to hear about this information

gigihadid 😍😍

madisonbeer MY GIRLFRIEND 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

username4 SCREAMING

username5 her genes are really blessed

↳ username1 ofc she’s a brazilian

brunamarquezine Linda 💘💘

username6 don’t let lando norris find out

username7 LANDO X YN?? is this what i’m getting from this comments ??

↳ username2 more like lando thirsts over her but she ignores him

carlossainz55 No way! We should meet up

↳ yourinstagram i was about to text youuu carlitos

↳ username2 LOVE THEM

jacobelordi 😍

↳ username1 dream couple fr

alexandrasaintmleux FINALLY 🙌🙌

↳ yourinstagram can’t wait to see youuuu gorgeous sass won’t know what hit them

↳ username3 OMFG IT GIRLS MEETING

landonorris 🤤🤤😍

↳ username1 DUDE GIVE IT UP

↳ username2 LANDO PLEASE

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the grid but only the cool ones groupchat

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liked by username1, username2 and 8,649 others

f1gossip Lando was at Sass Cafe in Monaco tonight. Any theories of who the girl might be? 👀

view all comments

username1 MESSY LANDO

username2 he’s sooo 😭

username3 i need lando to look at me like that

username4 that happening to me could save me

username5 just fell to my knees

username6 isn’t that yn the brazilian model??

↳ username1 WAIT

↳ username2 you have a point

↳ username3 NO WAY 😩

↳ username4 wait a damn minute that’s her

↳ username5 WHY IS LANDO LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAY

username6 ooohhh i see 👀👀

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yourinstagram has added to their stories

replies:

iamrebeccad I have major fomo right now 🥲

↳ yourinstagram YOU SHOULD’VE BEEN THERE

madisonbeer 😍😍😍

anokyai monaco loves you ✨✨

alexandrasaintmleux my new bff 💘💘

↳ yourinstagram i literally love you so much

landonorris miss you already 😍

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the grid but only the cool ones groupchat

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liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 612,976 others

yourinstagram first time watching race cars 🏎️ good luck tomorrow to my dear friend carlitosss

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username1 OMGGGGG

username2 SHE WAS AT QUALI ?? SLAY

username3 wag energy

arianagrande 😍😍😍

username4 lando norris was found yelling

username5 THE FACT THAT SHES LANDO’S CRUSH THO

scuderiaferarri ❤️

username6 LANDO X YN FINALLY???

username7 she fits right in she should date lando

username8 WE NEED THE QUEEN AT THE SÃO PAULO GP

username9 the only girl that matters

alexandrasaintmleux Linda 😍😍✨

↳ yourinstagram eu te amo !

brunamarquezine 💘😍🙌

username10 BET LANDO FREAKED OUT

username11 okay but carlos looks so good

carlossainz55 Te quiero!

↳ yourinstagram 🥰🥰

iamrebeccad ❤️❤️❤️

landonorris the most gorgeous girl in the paddock

↳ username1 THERE HE IS

↳ username2 the fact that she has never ever acknowledged any of his comments has me dying

↳ username3 he has BALLS

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landonorris sent you a message request

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liked by username1, username2 and 11,390 others

f1gossip Landinho is in full summer break swing ! The driver was spotted in São Paulo tonight 👀

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username1 LANDINHOOO IS BACK

username2 UMMM AM I READING THIS RIGHT

username3 he did not....

username4 yn just give this boy a chance we all know you keep him hanging

username5 WE WON

username6 he speaks portuguese and all now

username7 this man istg

username8 suddenly brazil is his favorite country in the world

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landonorris sent you a message request

yourinstagram started following landonorris

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liked by username1, username2 and 13,987 others

f1gossip Lando was spotted out and about in São Paulo tonight, but if you look closely, you might notice he's carrying a purse and a phone with a Rhode case. Was Landinho in a date with someone? 👀

view all comments

username1 LORD

username2 CUT THE CAMERAS

username3 lando dating a brazilian woman ?? UM YES

username4 IM SUDDENLY BLIND

username5 if it's not yn then we don't want it

username6 I NEED CONFIRMATION THAT HE WAS WITH YN

username7 oh to have lando norris carrying my purse and phone for me

username8 that's a MAN

username9 GOING INSANE

yourinstagram has added to their stories

replies:

madisonbeer girl you're so messy but ily

↳ yourinstagram nice case right? 😙

alexandrasaintmleux Are we finally twinning in the paddock?

↳ yourinstagram we'll seeeeeeee

carlossainz55 Excuse me?

↳ yourinstagram hi carlitos

↳ carlossainz55 You really gave that muppet a chance?

↳ yourinstagram what can i say, he's persistent

landonorris Linda 😍😍

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liked by landonorris, bellahadid and 1,287,399 others

yourinstagram i heard something about race cars in são paulo?

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username1 STUNNING

username2 that's not face card that's face economy

alexandrasaintmleux 😍😍🙌

username3 LANDO THIS IS YOUR CHANCE

username4 future wag?

username5 COME ON LANDO SHOOT YOUR SHOT ONE LAST TIME

username6 if the rumors about her and lando are real....

madisonbeer my queen actually 💋

username7 THIS IS WAG MATERIAL

username8 how funny woud it be if she starts dating another driver when lando has been begging since forever

username9 LINDA

userame10 and when the queen graces interlagos with her presence

landonorris 😍😍😍

↳ username1 LANDOOOO

↳ username2 i respect him

↳ username3 you better win that mf race

liked by username1, username2 and 4,088 others

f1gossip Our eyes are not fooling us, Brazil's national treasure is at the Interlagos circuit paddock with Lando Norris right now

view all comments

username1 OMFGGGG

username2 yall don't know the lore

username3 he actually did it....

username4 LANDO NORRIS I NEVER DOUBTED YOU

username5 i used to pray for times like these

username6 HES SOOOOOOOO

username7 lando norris the man that you are

liked by landonorris, alexandrasaintmleux and 2,098,765 others

yourinstagram i told him we could hard launch only if he scored a podium in my country and he didn't so you'll never know who's this fine man 😙

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username1 STOOOOOPPP

username2 MESSY

username3 girl we know that's lando you fell for his charms

sabrinacarpenter 👀👀👀

username4 LANDO NORRIS YOU CHAMP

iamrebeccad 😂😂😂

username5 never doubting little lando norris again

brunamarquezine NO WAY

username6 im so lost whats going on

username7 from not getting a follow back to this LANDOOOO

carlossainz55 Ay dios mio 🤦‍♂️

↳ yourinstagram we love you carlitossss

↳ username1 i bet he refused to be lando's wingman so many times

bellahadid we have some catch up to do

username8 plot twist this is not lando

username9 THIS PICTURE IS SO HOT

username10 most iconic couple already

landonorris i wonder who that fine man could be

↳ username1 LANDO YOU DO THE HARD LAUNCH

↳ username2 i bet he's living

landonorris o mais linda 😍😍

↳ username3 LANDINHOOO

liked by yourinstagram, oscarpiastri and 1,898,375 others

landonorris lost the podium but won something else. obrigado 🇧🇷

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username1 OMFG

username2 THIS MAN ISTG

username3 lando norris you're one little menace

charles_leclerc FINALLY

↳ georgerussell63 After years of being rejected

↳ danielricciardo Look at our boy go 🙌

↳ username1 HEEEELPP THEY ALL KNEW

maxverstappen1 You owe me...

↳ username2 I NEED THE LOREEE

mclaren 🧡

username4 THIS IS TOO ICONIC

username5 okay she's gorgeous

username6 persistence is key i guess

username7 HEEELP HE JUST COULDN'T WAIT

username8 lando dating a brazilian is such a win

yourinstagram you're a cutieeee i guess

[wettvagina]

F MY BABY DADDY!

desc: eren, the father of your daughter, and your cock-blocking baby daddy, pays you a visit after he heard what you said about him on your instagram live a.n: shoutout to my DECEASED bd eren edot yeager, gone too soon , miss u everyday bae ://

TURNT UP TO THE MAX, I'M THE TRENDIN' TOPIC!

You looked at yourself in your pink vanity mirror, sitting on the pink, fuzzy-cushioned stool behind your vanity table, you smacked your lips after applying some pink, sparkly lipgloss, setting up your phone against the mirror, swiping on Instagram aimlessly as you awaited a message from your friend.

Seeing her name pop up on your notifications, you quickly tapped it, replying to her 'im gonna be there in 20' message with a thumbs up emoji. You sighed as you swiped on Instagram, tapping on the 'Go Live' icon, seeing your reflection on your phone screen.

You smiled slightly as you watched your views slowly increase, "Hey everybody." you greeted, you propped your phone on the mirror so everyone could see a better view of your outfit, you smiled and posed before coming closer to your phone screen to open the comments.

"Yes, I am going out." you chatted, "Just hoppin' on here for fun, I'm waiting on somebody." you smirked, "D'ya have a new man?" you read a comment, "Huh? No, that's why I'm goin' out." you snickered, "My dating life has been, so dry." you sighed to yourself, reading more comments.

"No, I swear, ever since- you know what, lemme stop." you playfully rolled your eyes as you skimmed through the comments, "You still with that guy." you read, the comment had originally wrote Eren, but you liked being petty so you chose not to say his name.

"No, I'm not with that guy, and I never was to begin with." you falsely clarified with a sigh, "I've been single." you smirked, "Y'know I see a lot of you in the comments, my dm's are open." you smiled to yourself, scrolling through the men thirsting for you in your comments.

"Okay, I'm gonna head out now. Probably gonna post later, bye y'all." you concluded, quickly ending the Instagram live, checking the time, only to find out that ten minutes had passed. You sighed to yourself, grabbing your purse and heels in your hand, you walked barefeet down the flight of stairs in your house, reaching near the enterance door, sitting on the floor as you strapped on your heels.

Once both of your heels were strapped on, you admired your fresh pedicure, you opened your phone once again to check the time, "Hm, might as well wait outside." you murmured to yourself, upon opening the door, you flinched and jumped back, almost screaming.

"What the- Oh!" you sighed, "Its you." you said as you looked up, seeing Eren standing with his hands in the pockets of his grey colored jeans, looking down at you with a serious face. "Damn, you scared me." you giggled, noticing his tense stare, "Can I help yo-", "Where are you going?" his deep voice questioned, "Out." you plainly state, Erens gaze looked up and down your body, smiling almost amusingly.

"Hm." he nods, "Where's my-" he begins, "Your daughter is at my friends house." you inform him, "Which friend, I need a name." he says immediately after, "Ymir." you state, rolling your eyes. "Just making sure." he clarifies, "Where else would she be?" you squint at him. "Well anyways, nice meeting ya'." you say as you attempt to walk past him.

"You're not going anywhere." you hear him say while his hand grips onto your wrist, "Boy, move!" you groan, Eren pulls you back inside your house, shutting the door behind him. "You must think that I don't care or something, but I watch your Instragram, I check your posts, your lives." he exclaimed, his grip loosening from your wrist.

"You're not single, so stop lying to people." he declares, "Are you out of your mind?" you ask him, a smirk tugging on your lips, "You're with me." he clarifies, sliding his feet out of his slides before entering the living room of your house.

"Eren, I broke up with you two weeks ago." you ranted, "Really? I don't recall." he beamed, throwing himself onto your sofa as he lazily sat on the cushion with his legs spread. "Why are you just standing there? Go change." he scoffed, "Bae, do you wanna watch a movie?" he asked while picking up the remote, "You got any snacks?" he went on.

You wanted to say you were amused, but you were used to this, you walked up to the coffee table in the middle of your living room, standing in front of Eren as he scrolled on Netflix using the remote, "Babe, you're blocking." you looked him dead in the eye as he spoke, you shook your head before sitting next to him on the couch, cursing at yourself mentally.

"You need help changing?" he asked, fingers tracing against the cloth that hugged your waist, his fingers traveled to the zipper at the back, slowly tugging on it, watching as the fabric become loose on you, "Hm, looks like you forgot to wear a bra." Eren smirks as your dress falls from your chest, "Good thing you're not going out anymore." he smiles, his face was close to yours, and you could smell the spearmint gum he was chewing on, paired with the scent of his cologne that had your panties dampening.

You quickly wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him feverishly, you propped yourself onto his lap, your chest pressing onto his and you could feel your nipples hardening as it jammed onto his plain black compression shirt. You instantly felt his hand around your waist, grabbing on your ass as he pulled you closer to him, his other hand rubbed soothing circles onto your spine, causing you to moan into his mouth.

His hands slipped your dress off of you, and his lips instantly latched onto yours once again, after one long, suffocating kiss, he pulled away, kissing on your neck as he whispered, "You know I love you, right?"

Eren's strong arm held onto your back as he placed your head on the cushion, moving on top of you, he kissing down from your neck, to in between your breasts, all the way down your stomach, stopping at your navel. You watched as he slowly pulled your panties off, smiling before hovering over you to kiss you, as he kissed you, you felt him lining the tip of his cock to your wet entrance, "Shit." you cursed as you felt his tip prodding at your entrance, Eren stroked your clit with his thumb while his hand wrapped around his shaft, slowly pushing himself into you.

You moaned when you felt him completely inside of you, his hand cradled the side of your face, as his finger stroked your cheek, kissing the corners of your lips as he slowly moved in and out of you, he watched as your face contorted to match the pleasure you were feeling, eyebrows pointed upwards, eyes wide and your lips parted. He smiled slightly, biting his lower lip as he increased his pace, "Oh shittt." his words leaving his mouth slowly as he looked down at his dick leaving and re-entering your pussy.

"Fuck, baby. 'M gonna get you pregnant, again." he whined, hooking your leg over his shoulder, his thrusts stayed at a steady pace, and his gaze was on you at all times, watching the faces you were making as he stared into your eyes.

His head turned away from your face, to kiss on your calves as he continued to slowly fuck you, savouring the way your pussy wrapped around his length, "Fuck, Eren. I'm gonna come." you moaned, feeling a sudden tightness in your lower stomach, Eren felt your walls clamp down on his dick, causing his dick to tensen inside of you, "S-Shit, me too.." he groans, soon you came all over his cock, feeling the warmness of his come paint your walls as you both slowly panted.

"Fuck." you sighed, Eren panted before smirking, laughing lightly. "I'm gonna move in." he exclaims.

[amakumos]

enhypen as f1 fans - headcanons.

SYNOPSIS. enhypen as f1 fans this is literally just it

GENRE. probably just crack

AUTHOR'S NOTE. this is literally just for fun and i love lando norris. lmk what else you would want to add if u like f1 and enha... let me know what types of fans theyd be... not tagging taglist in this cuz its not that serious of a fic

LEE HEESEUNG. ★

favourite team: aston martin

favourite track: spa-francorchamps

favourite driver: fernando alonso / lewis hamilton

heeseung also gives me the vibe that he likes red bull as well! i think he definitely wouldn't be mad if a rb driver won, but would prefer drivers from his favourite team

he's definitely gone to races before. occasionally buys paddock passes.

had the time of his life in the first half of the 2023 season when aston was good... after the upgrades (more like downgrades) he's been going through it...

but i think he'd still have hope.

the kind of guy to quit watching the race if his favourite driver dnfs

buys merch like a crazy person

loves fernando’s tiktok account with a burning passion. probably uses them as reaction memes in the gc

will lose his shit when fernando or lewis retires.

has a soft spot for oscar

bashes his head against the wall when his fav driver has a slow pitstop

the kind of guy to yell at the tv when the result outcome is terrible

"i'm never watching formula 1 again" he says when his fav doesn't make it to the points... and then proceeds to turn the tv back on the next race week

probably has a selfie with his fav driver (and probably cried a little bit after)

uses that video of fernando's celebration dance as a way to get out of awkward conversations

the first guy to like fernando's new tiktoks whenever they r posted

JAY PARK. ★

favourite team: mercedes

favourite track: circuit of the americas

favourite driver: lewis hamilton / sebastian vettel

honestly i feel like everyone in enha loves lewis

lost his shit when seb retired

i think he also likes nico rosberg as well. seems like a brocedes guy (he sheds tears every time someone brings brocedes up tho)

would sacrifice his right lung for another lewis hamilton win

would gladly help seb build his bee hotels in suzuka

paddock passes every time when he goes and watches f1.

probably has selfies with every driver that he likes

hes just a mercedes guy through and through

he's loyal to his team! if ur a mercedes driver, jay loves u AUTOMATICALLY.

probably died a bit on the inside when george and lewis had contact on turn 1 in qatar 2023

not a red bull fan. im sorry

but he sometimes thinks about turning into a red bull fan because life as a red bull fan is much less depressing compared to being a merc fan

misses the merc domination era

probably on f1twt and is famous there

people know him for having selfies w the drivers and always buying paddock passes. he's a rich guy what can i say

another guy who yells at the screen during a race

whenever merc has disappointing strategies he just sighs and thinks: "i could do a better job"

JAKE SIM. ★

favourite team: ferrari

favourite track: monza / monaco

favourite driver: charles leclerc

SOMEBODY SAVE THIS MAN????

he goes through it every single weekend. every weekend he is constantly disappointed by ferrari and at this point he is considering to quit watching f1

only cares about charles. loves that man with his life

he also likes oscar and danny ric as well, because they're australian

you know how every italian man is in love with charles? they post stuff on their story like "met my husband😍" and it's a pic of them and charles? that's jake. he is him

jake reminds me of that one fan who made charles a pizza and gave it to him in person. like that’s lowkey some shit that he would do

picks up on phrases that charles says. mainly "it's like this" ...

prays every single weekend for charles to get good results (he is always disappointed)

wanted to die when he saw charles' slow pit stop at the dutch gp in 2023... they had NO TYRES and jake threw the remote control at the screen

has charles merch. definitely bought the monaco special edition hat. probably buys apm monaco for charles too

he's definitely gone to races before. probably bought paddock once but he will never do that again his wallet was crying

was 100% in the crowd during charles' 2019 monza win. also shed tears during that moment

"BURN THE SF23" is the most tweeted thing on his f1twt account of the 2023 season

argues with sunghoon all the time over f1 because sunghoon is a red bull fan... but secretly they're literally lecstappen

in general jake would sacrifice his entire life for charles leclerc and... he's so real for that

PARK SUNGHOON. ★

favourite team: red bull

favourite track: zandvoort / red bull ring

favourite driver: max verstappen

the only one enjoying the 2023 season

because his favourite driver always wins

the only one in enha whos NEVER disappointed whenever a race happens

yells rlly loud whenever max wins (so basically every race weekend) and the rest of the enha boys just look at him like 😒

probably has like 5 red bull shirts in his closet and sleeps in them

defends max with his life. probably has a twitter account w the user onlyverstappen and you'll see him bashing the shit out of max haters

prob bought a max mini helmet. almost bought the max verstappen christmas sweater (hes a dedicated fan what can i say)

big maxiel fan. would sacrifice everything for a max and daniel pairing again because he thinks they're funny together

likes max bc of his humour as well

watches youtube videos about f1 like "every f1 driver getting mad at nikita mazepin" or like "funny f1 driver radio moments"

the kind of guy to save every max edit into his camera roll (hes in love what can i say)

started drinking red bulls because of his love for the team… he says it’s his way of supporting them

fan of liam lawson too. needs him to get a seat and he does not care with what team. he just needs to see that man in a f1 car ASAP...

has been to f1 races, bought paddock once to go with jay. max won that race and he never shuts up about how he saw max verstappen win with his own two eyes

has the same passion towards f1 as jake except he lives in a constant state of happiness due to red bull's dominance while jake lives in a constant state of depression

KIM SUNOO. ★

favourite team: alphatauri / williams

favourite track: singapore

favourite driver: yuki tsunoda / alex albon

big yuki fan. thinks his radios are funny

he's not too invested in f1 but watches occasionally

loves alex bc of how he's somehow able to drag a williams into the points

he's pretty quiet when he's watching f1 i feel

feels like the kind of guy to just sit on the couch and be like "hmm. good job" or like "oh. maybe next time..."

mainly bc his fav drivers and teams arent fighting for podiums or championships... but he hopes that they'll be able to someday

he's that one rlly lucky fan that could just be walking around in the same city as his fav f1 driver and just bump into them on the street

doesn't hate any team and doesn't hate any driver. he's a pretty chill f1 fan

the ONE time sunoo probably got pissed was when yuki was on his formation lap and his engine broke down... meaning he didn't start

wanted to punch smth because How in the World

probably bought one of yuki's mini helmets bc he thinks its cute. "good room decor" - kim sunoo 2023

probably has a yuki or alex cap but that's as much merch as he'll buy tbh

likes the yuki / daniel combo for alphatauri but also thinks nyck should've been given a bit more time

probably hasn't been to an f1 race in person... if he went i don't think he'd buy paddock unless one of the other members bought it and brought him along

keeps up w f1 news from twitter or from jake bc he never stops talking about how ferrari’s fucking up charles' strategy again

YANG JUNGWON. ★

favourite team: mclaren

favourite track: silverstone

favourite driver: lando norris / oscar piastri

no, i’m not just saying jungwon is a lando enjoyer just because i am (maybe a little bc i’m biased BUT)

they’re both just adorable so what can i say really

depressed at the beginning of the season when the mclaren boys were driving a fucking TRACTOR for a car

landoscar enthusiast. i don’t make the rules… he and jake remind me of landoscar kinda… like jake would be a lando and jungwon would be an oscar

would do anything (I MEAN ANYTHING) for a lando win… me too

mclaren 1-2? YOU BEST BELIEVE HE'S YELLING LIKE A MANIAC

spends money on lando merch (HOODIES!) and prob wears it bc the designs r insanely cool

sits in silence in the corner when it’s a bad race week for his faves… like he’s crazily silent to the point where it’s scary. it's giving eye twitches vibes

gets hyped for race week tho he’s the kinda guy to have every race logged in his calendar

makes maeumi watch f1 with him. unfortunately maeumi is not a mclaren fan much to his disappointment

if you hate lando or oscar he will hate you. defends them with his life and trust and believe me he will win.

is on f1twt, pretty well known on there (he just tweets random shit and gets 1k likes and hes like... Wtf)

attends races whenever he can, prob not paddock cuz he thinks it’s not really worth it bc of how expensive they are

used to mclaren being good now compared to the start of the season so he’s devastated when they’re not top 5

NISHIMURA RIKI. ★

favourite team: mercedes (ferrari later tho...)

favourite track: suzuka

favourite driver: lewis hamilton / yuki tsunoda / kimi raikkonen

lewis fan because he’s the goat, yuki fan bc he thinks he’s funny and bc they’re both japanese, kimi fan because well... hes KIMI

riki’s prob been invested in f1 since he was a kid, definitely the most involved / passionate w motorsports

probably watches other motorsport series too! pretty sure he’s talked about formula e, and i could see him enjoying indycar and motogp

yk how lewis released that collab w fortnite? riki prob bought the skin and plays as lewis in fortnite😭

loves roscoe!!! would want bisco and roscoe to meet tbh

wants lewis to win again SOOOO badly

prob has a picture with yuki and the height difference would be hilarious (yuki is 159cm)

i think he's a big fan of schumacher, senna, prost too, definitely been watching this sport for a WHILE!

in a complete state of SHOCK when it was revealed lewis would be going to ferrari

started learning italian on duolingo after the big announcement

has definitely been to a few f1 races (suzuka, silverstone & singapore are probably the ones he's been to)

a BIG ACCOUNT ON F1TWT

probably gets invited as a guest of his favourite teams n shit it's crazy he's practically an influencer there

would start an f1 podcast for fun and it would go viral

[degendog]

ur forcemasc posts r so fucking good that they have caused me 2 form a parasocial relationship with u /j

seriously tho this is like my go-to forcemasc blog when im dysphoric cuz its just like. immediate cure. like as a super fem trans guy who has only just recently come out of the closet and struggles to embrace masculinity (i swear im Literally the pastel flower crown wearing baby trans boy u wrote abt in that one forcemasc post. not by choice i just need to be forcemasced) i cannot stop thinking abt u absolutely obliterating my holes and forcemascing me and just making me in2 ur idea of a perfect man... i want u 2 tear me down completely just break me entirely and then rebuild me in2 the exact type of man u want me to be. i'd do anything for it really

anon i have been thinking about this ask all day. i’m glad my hornyposting is a dysphoria salve for you

i’m proud of you for coming out and starting to truly live your life, anon. that takes serious balls. i think you need to start going further with it now. what kind of man do you want to be? how do you want to look, truly? do you want to be a muscley gym bro in a muscle tee? a greasy punk you saw smoking a cig outside the gas station? some nerdy guy that works in IT?

don’t worry, baby boy, i’ll help you get there. i’ll get you a haircut, a men’s one, a clipper cut with a squared-off back. or maybe i’ll shave it all off, start from scratch. i’ll slowly start replacing your clothes with ones you’ve always wanted to wear but were too scared to—women’s skinny jeans replaced with men’s straight-cut, “soft boy” button downs replaced with men’s shirts, panties replaced with boxer briefs (easiest to pack with), even your socks get replaced. you can keep that giant dysphoria hoodie you practically live in, but i’ll glare at you whenever you wear it until you change into a real outfit. and i’ll let you keep those flower crowns, but none of them match your new clothes, so why would you keep wearing them? eventually they’ll be forgotten about in a drawer, or given to a friend’s little sister. i’ll force your legs apart if i catch you sitting with them crossed, until it’s second nature to manspread. and every morning i’ll grab the front of your pants to make sure you’re packing, to make sure you remember your dick belongs to me.

i’ll get you on t, do the first few shots for you until i decide you’re ready to do it yourself, and then i’ll watch you with hungry eyes as you inject yourself with what you should’ve had this whole time. i know it’s scary at first, but being a man is about doing shit that scares you. it builds character. so shut up and take the needle.

and sure, i’ll fuck you with my strap until you can’t think, until your thighs are shaking and your holes are tired and sloppy and you’re completely spent, and the only sounds you can make are moans. i’ll jerk you off while i fuck you—don’t you love how sensitive your new dick is? but i’ll also teach you how to top, how to take what you want. i’ll press myself against your back and coach you through fucking somebody else with the very same dick i fucked you with.

when i’m done with you, you’ll be surprised you ever were a baby-trans soft boy. because all you have ever been is a man.

[mariii1]

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Who's Coming Towards You? (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

TUMBLR FINALLY ADDED READ MORE ON THE APPP anyway sorry for the delay I went to Portugal then got all my wisdom teeth removed AND im sick 😣🦷 Regardlesss im here and i might do a mini tarot game since I reached 400 FOLLOWRRS 😱but yeah we'll seeee, have fun wit this pac thoo 😜

1-If you're currently dating around or on dating sites, a fuckboy is coming towards you. They may not present as one, but they are. At first, you might think that this person knows what direction they're taking their life in or that they're just very driven in general. But this is just a facade that they put in order to lure girls in. They want a situationship and the don't want commitment. Even if you're not dating or looking to date, this is somebody who might try to ask you out, but it's kind of obvious that they only want kewchie. This could happen during your job, it could be a coworker or customer/client. They could try to hit on you and act like they're super deep or they genuinely want to know about you. There will be very wishy washy when it comes to their intentions, they don't like giving the straight answers.

2- Speed drive by Charli XCX. You might be in a Barbie/girlboss energy. What's coming towards you is some sort of opportunity. If you felt had you had a bunch of options you felt neutral about, youll have another one and I see you going straight for that. This one is really going to stand out to you and I see you when this opportunity is finally offered you're not gonna be hesitant any more and you're gonna be able to make up your mind. Specifically if you been waiting to hear back from somebody, you're going to hear back from them very soon, and it's going to help a lot.

3- So like the pile above clarity is coming towards you. This could be about a specific person, but I'm specifically getting a situation. There could have been some sort of drama in your life and you didn't know which side to take. There could have been a lot of stories and rumors involved. This could have been something really serious that affected you or somebody else financially. I'm getting that this has to do with somebody who's close to you or at least has some sort of influence on you directly or indirectly. You may have had to go to court, had to look up laws or contact a lawyer. But I'm seeing some sort of clarity not a final decision but just some sort of clarity. I think you might find the right lawyer for you if that's what you're supposed to specifically looking for. If not, I still feel like this heavily has to do with finances. Even if you are seeking out something romantically, maybe you want a sugar daddy, you're going to find someone who's going to help you in which you exchange some sort of money with them.

4- the number 4 could be important for you maybe you keep seeing it everywhere or you keep choosing pile 4 in pick a cards. Apply it to your situation but im predominantly gettting that someone you wanted or liked is coming toward you. I think you're still attracted to this person. For some, you could have felt dejected by this person even if they didn't outright reject you. You'll be surprised by how thoughtful they come across when they come towards you and I think they've been thinking about you for awhile. This is someone you've had a crush or attraction to for a minute. Your dreams of dating them will be reborn and may actually happen this time.

5 - HEY BIG SPENDEEEERRR the moment you walked in the joint, I could tell you were a man if distinction a real big spender.... Loveeee that scene from that movie (Sweet Charity). Okay so a few scenarios this could be somebody that presents like they have a lot of money or they could present like they're going to give you a lot of money even if they don't seem to have a lot. But I'm getting you're going to find out that they are broke very quickly and the only thing they have is dick to offer which doesn't pay bills. They probably fought for your attention and this may be somebody who glorifies struggle love. I'm getting they could actually be rich, but they're very stingy. And possibly after fighting for your attention they'll probably ghost you or just go to other people who aren't as naive. A lot of you could be sex workers and specifically getting strippers and this is just another man at the club trying to act like hes some sort of crypto mogul. If not, maybe you're on dating apps, and this is something that might happen.

6- Ooop so apparently this is my pile. I NEED A HERO I'M HOLDING ON FOR A HERO 'til the end of the night and he's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh from the fight..... Anyway this is someone who presents as a fuck boy but in reality, they're just a normal person. So I feel like this is a misconception you're going to have about them when they genuinely have good intentions. I think this person will sort come as some sort of hero in your life. This could come in the form of them giving you a financial opportunity. However, I feel like for most of you they're going to help you financially or be a co-worker that's really helpful. They could give you a really good idea for something financially. Even if you're in school, they could present some sort of job opportunity to you. I think they could also be good to you in general. But at the end of the day, you might actually end up sucking their dick fr like literally HAHAHA I don't think it will be a bad thing. Yeah, you might think that they're coming to ruin your life, but they're really not. Aka opposite of pile 5 🤭.

[sidesteppostinghours]

VOTE BLAZE FOR FHR TUMBLR SEXYMAN

now why on earth would i, a humble man, ask the people to vote for blaze over ricardo? what basis could i possibly have to convince you to consider him over (arguably) los diablos most eligible bachelor?? friends, i come to you with two simple arguments:

1. blaze shows a surprising amount of depth when you dive under the flashy exterior

2. i cannot stress enough how funny it would be to watch ortega lose in the first round

blaze is undeniably a suave, arrogant asshole who desperately needs somebody to kick his ass. hes a little prick to the puppet (if theyre male, if theyre female he switches his tune Damn Quick) and he somehow managed to fumble chen??? which is frankly embarrassing for him.

However. however. hes shown in both very small interactions when you meet him and during the actual fight to be a competent, strategic hero who cares about the people. as step points out, when the puppet stumbles over him his immediate reaction is to treat them like somebody who needed help. during the fight, he first takes the time to strategize, making sure to dial back his powers to make sure nobody gets hurt– to the point that he hinders himself. even chen says that blaze always had careful control, to the point where if you fry him in the meeting room, chen suspects somethings up.

hes also surprisingly reasonable about step, giving serious thought to what they say and do regardless of how cruel of a villain they are. yeah ok ortega has the 'sympathetic' villain relationship status but does that really do anything about his perceptions of them??? he still readily calls them a monster during the villain reveal. meanwhile it takes one(1) conversation with blaze to get him questioning his bosses, and it literally does not matter how many people youve killed, he ends up pestering alvarez about it anyway. i firmly believe that hes put a lot more thought about the problems in the system he works under, even if he puts more faith in it than he should.

anyway thats enough serious propaganda, heres the sillier ones: hes such a loser. like 24/7 nonstop. this man is utterly pathetic. i know i talked about how good he is as a hero but listen to me. he gets all dismissive about a step that has less than 55 infamy, but i have 9 steps (though i only talk about 4). i have lost to him by accident Once. i have to codedive so i can lose to him On Purpose for the achievement it is so bad. it is so funny watching all the ways he can eat shit during that fight. truly the pinnacle of bisexual failboy.

I ALMOST FORGOT THAT HE ACCIDENTALLY KINDA OUTS HIS CONNECTION WITH CHEN BECAUSE HE WAS BEING SALTY??? LIKE

POV YOU KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE MARSHAL OF LOS DIABLOS SECRET FOR MONTHS ONLY TO POTENTIALLY EXPOSE IT TO A RANDO BCAUSE YOU WERE MAD ABOUT BEING EXES.

it has also come to my attention via @allens-chocolate-dreams that rat king can become his fan if step falls out the window again and this is extremely important to me.

can rat king be a fan of ortega??? no, because ortega is a loser whos immune to telepathy. very clear whos superior here imo. oh and im probably legally required to say that he has fire powers which makes him objectively hotter than ortega.

finally and most importantly,

if blaze wins i will draw ric dying in a glue trap.

[obsessedwrhys]

Your headcanons are soo good istg 😭😭😭 im love you

Feel free to answer anytime, can I request Hogan (afk journey) dating/married headcanons? He's my husband and my wife both at the same time <3

|| HOGAN DATING HEADCANONS ||

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ major fluff, reader is gn!! (OMSHD I'm so happy to hear you like my other work, that really makes my day, I hope you enjoy this one ☺💕)

This man gives me hubby vibes ngl.

If you managed to get his attention, you must be something special because it takes a lot to get even his respects.

Once he falls for you, trust him to get you flowers everytime he visit you. Even if he just happens to be passing by, he will always take the time to stop to say hi.

Valen once made fun of him for having a crush but that ended up terribly.

Dude had to run laps around Holistone 💀

The crush between you and Hogan was mutual, to be fair it was hard for you not to fall in love when he treats you like you're the single most special person in the world.

The way he gives you his hand when you need help getting down...

The way his eyes lingers on you longer than any person should...

The way he goes out of his way to make sure you're always okay...

It all just made you love him ever more.

That's why the urge to confess your true feelings to him grew day by day.

Scenario ↴

You were in Holistone, to be more precise, inside one of the castles towers. It wasn't that you were in trouble, it was more like your friend Hogan needed to see you about an urgent matter.

With nothing much to do, you were poking your head out of the open window to admire the view below.

"I apologise if I've made you wait. One of the guards needed my help with something..." A familiar voice spoke from behind and you turned just to see Hogan approaching you. Somehow just seeing him made you smile.

"At least you didn't forget... so what's so serious that you needed to see me?" You questioned and you can see his body going stiff for a split second.

"Ah that..." He chuckles lowly, an attempt to ease his nerves. He has fought countless battles and yet the idea of confessing his love to you is nearly sending him to shambles.

"It's nothing urgent really... it's more of a personal matter..."

"Personal matter?" You repeated, seeming puzzled.

"Yes... of us" He said and the moment those words left from his mouth, you had a clear idea of what he was hinting at. Your eyes went wide as your face burned.

"I know I may not be like the prince from the stories you read but... I'm certain that I've fallen for you... and this love I feel for you feels like the ones in a fairy tale... it's as though I've been captivated by you... I'm sorry if I'm pouring all my emotions at once, I just can't keep this a secret anymore" He expressed with his eyes locked on yours.

"I don't mind... to be honest, I feel just the exact same" You slowly formed a smile on your face and the joy was contagious enough that a smile eventually appeared on his face as well.

Literally when the townsfolk found out he was dating you, everybody was fast to congratulate you both. If you weren't given any context you would assume that the town was celebrating someone's marriage 😭

Hey, the people are just happy for him since he does his job of protecting everybody's safety.

Plus he deserved to have somebody look out for him.

Now dating this man is full of fun and excitement. He does not welcome any bad vibes even though how serious he can get sometimes.

I'm talking lots of trying new things together.

For example that time you guys went to try out this super fancy place for dinner and you guys had a thrill trying to pronounce the names of some of the dishes.

Not to forget, his kisses would be full of love and desire. Everytime he kisses you he just doesn't have the strength to pull away, it was the kind of passionate kiss that would always leave you two breathless.

Even when leaving a kiss on your cheek or forehead, he always needs to kiss you a couple of times for you to get the memo that he loves you dearly.

However, I'm sorry to break it to you but sleeping with this man can be kind of a struggle.

He snores.

I don't mean like those light snores.

I mean those snores that slowly builds itself up until it's as loud as a train.

Not only if you're the type to not be able to handle that, sometimes he can also take all of the blanket from you which results in you two fighting for it almost every night 😭

But the cuddles? Trust me when I say it's the most comforting experience in the relationship. It always makes you feel like you're on cloud nine.

When it comes to nicknames he's more on the traditional side, he calls you dear the most.

Would he be fine with PDA? Yes, very much. He does not care what anyone thinks. Okay maybe a little but still he's not embarrassed to show everyone that he's yours.

Jealousy doesn't faze him that much, that's because he thinks he's set for life with you. Any man or woman could try to flirt with you but he trusts you a lot that he's sure you know how to handle it.

But if the person doesn't take no for an answer? He'll just have to step in to get that message through their head.

If you want to, he's totally fine with you wearing his clothes. That's because he finds the sight of you not being able to fit in his shirt adorable.

Did I forget to mention how he knows all of your weakness? Whether you're more sensitive in the neck or you're ticklish on your sides. He knows.

And he's not afraid to use it against you.

Fyi, he's the type of person to act like he's full and give you his leftovers because he knows those are your favourite 🥰

Honestly? 100/100 MALEWIFE

[possum-socks]

so math nerds, how fast do we think shadow was going here? we as in you i can’t do math

triple sonic boom? somebody help this man

this show is so funny to me like. why did they do that? they didn’t have to do all that. this show would have made money either way. but they did that anyway. i’m sure they are seriously capitalizing off sonic and shadow interactions but they STILL didn’t have to do all that.

also im serious about the math someone help.

[forcebutch]

hey man love ur work. just started t and trying to figure out if im a butch [currently id as bi but also not sure if i might be a lesbian] whos on t or if i might be like. an actual man. the thought of being a gay dude terrifies me but i cant tell if its scary bc im in denial or if its scary bc its not true.

i guess im wondering if u have any tips on figuring myself/shit out? i think part of it is feeling like i'll lose being butch if i'm also attracted to men?? any input or thoughts u may have are helpful tyy

i was gonna tell you you shouldnt source your info from porn blogs (and i should ABSOLUTELY NOT be your only source. i'm serious) but considering that i've been through that particular existential crisis multiple times i have some experience with it, let's do this anyways.

i am not even half as confident in my personal life as i am on this blog. my gender-sexuality is fluid and i do not fit nicely in categories, but that can feel like it leaves me either labelless or a liar. life as a gender-sexuality weirdo is not kind on anybody, and that pain really erodes away your concept of what parts of your self-image you are Allowed To Be, especially if you rely on others who agree with strict untouchable boundaries between genders and sexualities. frankly the strict no-touching model of gender-sexuality is really bad for questioning and gender/sexually fluid people. i think at some point in the 2010s we lost the idea of a queer spectrum and continued on with policed modes of gender-sexuality.

that's all theory, though. you can litigate your gender and sexuality to line up with cliquey queer ingroups or gender-apathetic academics or return-to-tradition het truscum until the cows come home and still never feel like yourself.

as my wife says, there's a reason science degrees require a number of lab hours. at some point you just gotta do it. no more theory: turn off brain, start. you have several hypotheses and they need some actual testing. flirt with somebody at a gay bar. do drag. buy syd sixx's or carta monir's t-masc-featured porn, take an edible, and have a night to yourself. watch an archived copy of bloodsisters with your pants off. fuck a friend who's gay in a different way than you. ask your partner to switch between calling you a good boy and a good butch in bed. call yourself a faggot while you're jacking it. 69 another gender outlaw. Do Something. you can figure out labels as you go.

[nololginny]

Birthday Breakfast

summary: Taylor Thornton wanted to make a special breakfast for her boyfriends birthday, but SOMEBODY was getting in the way.

Taylor woke up at around 6:30 in the morning. her alarm was going off, she looks next to her to see if she woke up her boyfriend. Luckily, hes a deep sleeper so she gets up and does her hair. It was rafes birthday today, and officially 3 years that they have been dating. On his 19th birthday, he asked her to be his girlfriend. So, every year it was a very special day for both rafe and Taylor. She was planning on making a breakfast, but she only knew one other good baker besides Rafe.

She made her way to sarahs room, and sure enough she opens the door to find her brother in his best friends sisters bed, who happened to also be my best friend strange enough. She sighed as she heard Toppers annoying snores echoing sarahs entire room. Taylor went over to the day old glass of water on toppers side of the bed, and poured it in his mouth when he snored again. Sure enough, He starts coughing and waking up. "What the fuck Taylor, what was that for?"

"Wake up bitch, you promised to help me with YOUR best friends breakfast, thats the only reason im letting you sleep with MY best friend. "Actually rafe gave me permission so shut up rat face". "Oh my god your insults are almost as bad as your ugly ass frosted tips". Taylor snarked, putting the glass of water down. "So, are you just here to insult me or are we gonna do this, or can i go back to bed" topper states. "if you do not get up im telling sarah about the party last friday". "ok ok alright chill the fuck out im coming, jesus'' he yawned, getting out of bed.

As taylor read the instructions out to topper, he rubbed his tired eyes while slowly but surely getting out the ingredients. "Can you go any fucking slower holy shit" topper just looks at her with a straight face, picking up the bowl very slowly. "your a dumbass egg head you know that right?" she states, throwing an egg right at toppers forehead. "Are you fucking serious, this is my brand new golf shirt", he yells. "aw too bad, pay attention and you wont notice the big stain". Before she could say anything else, she felt a egg get thrown right at her hair.

"Oh your fucking done flopper" she yells at grabbing more eggs from the carton. "yea try to catch me with your chicken legs" he blurts out, running for his life, trying to avoid any more stains on his new shirt. As topper ran across the couch, he felt a body shove into him , as he tried to escape to the hallway. "Oh shit" he screams out, falling back onto the beanbag. He looks up to see a very confused rafe looking back at him. "Topper, what the fuck are you doing in my kitchen at 7 am in the fucking morning?" he asks, clearly had just woken up from the noise.

"Hey man, its not my fault my bitchy sister wanted to make breakfast so god damn early in the morning. Like holy shit how much do i have to go down on your sister for her to make me fucking eggs on my birthday" he blurts, not thinking of what he said. "your a fucking weirdo" Rafe states, pushing past him and going to his girlfriend in the kitchen, disappointed in herself that they woke him up. "Baby i told you not to do anything for my birthday, having you here is all i need" he grabs her hips, and pulls her in for a passionate kiss. "I know i just wanted it to be the thought that counted, but fucking flopper over here messed everything up".

Rafe just laughs at Taylors and Toppers beef. "Oh also Top, my girlfriend, your sister, is not a bitch". Topper just puts a thumbs up, with a fake ass smile to go along with. "Oh by the way rafe, your precious girlfriend ruined my new polo shirt. "Okay, then go wash it, are you fucking dumb?" he retaliates, holding his girlfriend by the waist. "Babe can we go back to bed please" She asks. "of course, topper go clean this shit up" he demands, leaving topper alone with the mess. "no way she insulted my frosted tips" he says to himself, getting a trash bag for the broken egg yolks.

[carpememes]

10 Minute Power Hour Starters

"You gotta warn me because I was just about to yell 'Remember who made you cum?' and how embarrassing would that shit have been?"

"We've got ____ here. Can you believe it?"

"Alright, shut the fuck up, everybody."

"No, not the stegosaurus!"

"Oh! We're giving samples. I've done this before."

"Can you Urkel your way to a win?"

"I don't love this."

"Glug glug glug, now I'm drunk."

"WOO! Show us how it's done, baby!"

"It's what all the kids on youtube are doing."

"Where is this piece? Did you steal my piece?"

"Bro, I'm killing it."

"Am I right, the youth?"

"You didn't even savor the peelies."

"You just ripped it off like a barbarian."

"Sizzle sizzle, baby bitch."

"It's gonna be really dramatic and cool!"

"I don't want a pumpkin growing in my belly."

"What a fool he is, to get wood confused with food items."

"I told my mom to help me clean it up and she said 'no thank you'."

"___ said I look like the floor of an arcade."

"My heart is beating so fast right now."

"Spin the wheel, you bitch."

"We're visible to lots of people, but it feels great to be truly seen by someone special."

"Well, not like my BEST best friend but he's definitely in that class."

"That's too much plastic crap."

"You look like something they'd serve at 2 in the morning at iHop."

"I feel like i just came back from a mythical creature bukake."

"This is what the ladies are into. A big ol brain horn of goo."

"I'm an ex-man. Which means I used to be a man."

"Yeah you won. Everyone's great. Three people need to go to the hospital but hooray you won."

"Thanks for invalidating my win, dude. I worked hard for this."

"You popped which means you are legally obligated to not stop."

"Please. No laughter."

"I feel you should've said something."

"I has bro! Do you has bro??"

"Well, I think you get double points for that."

"You got a serious buttchin and you need to admit it and use it!"

"YOU DID THIS!"

"We're losin it. We're losin it! ___, we're losin it!"

"This shirt's better now."

"No don't! ___, fucking, god damn it!"

"That was the most legit anger I've heard out of you in so long."

"Why is it filled with chestnuts?! And a lemon!"

"Thanks for celebrating my birthday. This was really fun and not depressing."

"Hold on! I have to do some research."

"Jesus. Reginald. Christ."

"You did it! It's a nightmare."

"What do you think? You think i look sexy?"

"Am i out kissin vandals and vagrants?!"

"Imagine I'm rubbing your thighs."

"I'm going to open a tube of goo now."

"You're a sucky friend!"

"I'm doing all of the colors, you fuck!"

"I know what makes green! Magic and jesus!"

"Oh cool! It looks not that great!"

"It looks like somebody's pancreas exploded over here."

"Anyone wanna be on camera?"

"Drink it, you armadillo."

"Have you witnessed me?"

"Ew, ewww- EEEWWW!"

"Nooo, I don't wanna be the hulk anymore."

"There we go. That's a big boy."

"Are you gonna attack or are you too scared?"

"Admittedly you wield a lot of power that I was not aware of."

"It makes magic fun!"

"That's not what I wanted at all."

"I feel like a cat that just fell in the bathtub."

"YES! Eat the worms!"

"Early 2000s is retro?"

"What is the best time of day to shake a baby?"

"Oh no! It's making the connection that I'm it's mother!"

"We dont have all day. Im becoming sterile wearing these jock straps."

"So you can stick your little emoji faces in here when you write your diary about how much God has betrayed you."

"That is one of the worst shirts I've seen in my life. Put it on."

"What? Oh, I suppose you want to KISS about it?!"

"I dunno. I guess cuz I'm an asshole."

"What do you mean 'is that really what it looks like'? It looks magical!"

"In this world we must all tilt.... But we also a-whirl."

"Look around you. All you see is death and chaos... Here is a kirby."

"Every birthday is like the grim reaper moving one peg on the abacus of your life."

"Everytime I try to solve it i'm just making things worse. Which is just an analogy for my life."

"I was brewin' in the nutsack of an older man."

"It was like having Chuck-e-cheese right in your house."

"The ooze doesn't smell great."

"Parents killed each other to get this thing."

"I threw up a lot more in the 90s than I do now."

"It's about to erase your memory."

"____, Im so sorry, but there's something your mother and I have to tell you."

"It's not your fault! Don't ever think it's your fault!"

[rubykgrant]

(a little thing I wrote for a bigger fic, but I like how absolutely nonsensical Jon and Martin's "meet-cute" was, and now Jon gets to let Martin know the secret dorky side he's been hiding behind his very serious attitude~)

“If you don’t mind me being blunt?”

“By all means,” Jon encourages him.

“When exactly did you start to notice me- that is, notice that you found me attractive?”

“Oh, well… haha, um- that actually happened almost right away…” Jon’s mouth makes that flat little smirk that means he’s mildly embarrassed.

“Right away? Oh, come on…” Martin has trouble believing that.

“No, honestly. Before I really even knew you, before I convinced myself you were the bane of my existence, my very FIRST thought when I saw you was- he’s lovely,”

“You’re just trying to butter me up!” Martin argues, but feels himself blushing. Just barely.

“Hmm, ‘lovely’ was the first WORD that formed in my head. I suppose my other thoughts were less articulate,” Jon doesn’t elaborate on that (only twice had he allowed himself to gush about his early thoughts regarding Martin, which never really went away; once to Georgie, once to Daisy. Georgie had called him a sap, and Daisy had called him unhinged. He wonders what they would have both said together, if they’d had the chance to compare notes).

Martin continues to shake his head, unconvinced.

Jon thinks this over.

“Do you remember when we met?” Jon asks, leaning beside Martin at the sink; his body-language looks like somebody at a pub, about to drop what they believe to be a winner of a pick-up line.

“Yes, unfortunately. I think we BOTH made pretty strong first-impressions on each other,” Martin replies.

“Mmm, very much so. But- when you first ran up, and asked if I had seen a dog? I thought you were trying to tell me a joke,”

“You thought- what? A joke?” Martin turns to look at Jon.

“A joke. I was surprised right out of my train of thought, forgot about whatever I had been doing, forgot to keep my aloof and serious attitude as the new Head Archivist. I didn’t know what to think, and I was so taken off-guard, it made me genuinely intrigued. I was even excited to see if I could figure out the joke, be all impressive and clever. But then…” Jon trailed off, rolling his eyes.

“Then I made it clear- an actual dog was running around inside the building,” Martin finished. “Honestly Jon, what kind of joke could that have been?”

“Hmm… have you seen a dog? I was hoping somebody could help me SPOT one,” Jon answers. Martin’s jaw drops. That was indeed a terrible pun… but Jon isn’t finished. “Have you seen a dog? I CANINE find it anywhere! Have you seen a dog? I’m having a RUFF time looking on my own! Have you seen a dog? I’ve searched this place a HOUND-dred times! Have you seen a dog? This one is im-PAW-sible for me to find! Have you seen a dog? I’m worried it might be in GREAT DANE-ger! Have you seen-”

“STOP, HAHAHA, STOP- YOU’RE GONNA KILL ME!” Martin doubles-over, and slides down against the cupboards under the sink. He’s laughing so hard he’s crying, and his cheeks hurt from smiling.

“Terrible puns aside, my first thoughts of you were- Oh, somebody is talking to me? Oh, he’s telling me a joke? Oh, he’s lovely. Oh, I can impress this lovely man when he sees how good I am at figuring out jokes! OH, HE LET A DOG INTO THE BUILDING!”

Martin laughs again, helplessly hiding his face in his knees. Jon steps away from the sink, crouching down in front of him. Martin continues to giggle, peeking through his fingers as Jon lightly strokes his hair.

“Is that what I should have done? Won your heart with bad puns?” Martin asks.

“I’m not sure I’m much of a prize, but you certainly won my heart, regardless. The problem was ME, almost everything about you kept catching my attention, I just had my head up my own arse. I’m not good enough for you,” Jon answers. Martin finally moves his hands away from his face, catching Jon’s with his own.

“Maybe you just need to step-up and BE good enough for me?”

“I can try,” Jon says with a smile that implies he’s actually determined to do exactly that. Martin leans forward and kisses him.

[sucker4sixx]

Relight my fire

Pt.3

Plot: i love you

Warnings: rebounds (?)

You wake up feeling groggy, laying on nikkis warm chest, your eyes drifting up to see him smoking, his eyes red with the hangover. Nikki never liked to smoke in his house but i guess rules were made to be broken. “Morning sweetheart” he smiles at you, stroking your hair and placing the cigarette in your mouth. You take a quick few puffs and pass it back “morning nikki..” “did we fuck?” He asks blandly, knowing its a ‘no’ but wanting to catch you off guard. “Oh my god, no. Im asleep here because i was comforting you about seeing beth” he nods, your explanation making more sense.

“She looked gorgeous last night.. like a princess” he mutters, his eyes not leaving that one spot in the wall he focused on to make himself not cry “sometimes i wonder.. if i had took the news of her cheating better and not done it back.. where would we be now” his eyes go all glassy “well.. youd probably be trying to fill the void that you once felt was filled by her because you knew she slept with another man” you suggest.. “probably, yeah” he falls silent, snubbing his cigarette out and cuddling you even closer, needing the affection. You run your hands through his hair as he closes his eyes “i just dont understand.. maybe im not perfect but i gave her everything i had to offer.. i put my job on the line for her too many times” he frowns, sighing, you kiss his forehead softly “its not your fault she couldnt see what a handsome, loving, sweet man she had..” you scratch his scalp gently “but now she does.. and i dont know what to do” his bottom lip trembles alittle.

“Nikki she wont treat you any different to what she did, it wont go well if you go for her” “i know, but i miss it.. i miss waking up every morning to my wife and making her breakfast and seeing her at my shows.. i just miss the feeling of being so utterly adored, now i feel like im nobodys.. somebody.. you know?” You tilt your head, trying to understand what he means “im no ones special person anymore.. i have no one that feels complete with me and that i feel completed by” he holds back tears as you scratch his scalp. Nikki was your ‘special person’ and it hurt knowing he didn’t recognise that. “Nikki… your my special person..” he looks up at you, smiling softly “sweetheart thats sweet but.. dont tell me stuff to make me feel better” “im being serious nikki.. i mean it, since ive been here ive just felt so complete” he sighs and moves down to kiss you softly again but you move back “your still in love with the your wife nikki..” you frown and get out of his bed, moving to the living room.

He comes into the living room awkwardly ten minutes later, his face alittle red “do you want breakfast?” You look up to him and nod, smiling “ill get a fry up going” he pats your shoulder and makes his way to the kitchen. He returns with two plates of a classic english fry up and sits beside you, both of you eating silently but thinking of the same thing.. his wife.

“Im sorry..” you start, Nikkis head turning to you “for letting myself become a sort of.. wife model to you.. that wasnt my intention” you search his eyes that sadden “no, i shouldnt have used you as a rebound..” he sees your eyes sadden this time “but its not like i dont have feelings for you, your the most gorgeous woman i know.. your personality is just amazing and you smile is unbelievable-“ “nikki your doing it again” he goes quite, it wasnt even intentional “i cant help it..” he whispers. “Nikki i dont wanna be your rebound, i dont want to be with you so you can forget temporarily but when you’re bored im going in the trash-“ “i wouldnt do that!” He exclaims, feelings frustrated that you think hes capable of hurting you so badly “i wouldnt do that to you” he moves closer, you look up at his desperate eyes and he leans down to kiss you, both of your lips meeting softly.

He moves you back and his hand holds your head, kissing you softly “i wouldn’t do that” he repeats between kisses as you both make out, its filled with love thats been hidden for years.. this was bound to happen “i love..” you cut him off with a kiss “dont say it nikki.. please dont say it” you beg him, he sighs and frowns, watching your desperate eyes “dont shut me down.. i really do love yo-“ hes cut off by the door knocking, he groans and gets up, answering it to his ex wife, she smiles wide and hugs him, you watch in shock from the couch. As she kisses him you storm to your bedroom, even though they had a history your feelings for nikki were getting undeniable and hard to ignore.

Not even 20 minutes later nikkis walking into your room and crawling in beside you, you look at him confused “is she..” “yeah.. i sent her home” his arms wrap around you and he holds you close, his large hands stroking your stomach softly, you cant help but smile.

“I love you”