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imagineaworlds · 4 years ago

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I Love You (Part Thirty-Two) -- Aaron Hotchner

Written By: @desperately-bisexual

Request: None.

Warnings: SMUT!! Cursing. Unprotected sex. Wrap it before you tap it, ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary sibs. Dom/sub relationship. Sir kink. Impregnation kink. Soft sex. Emotional sex. The reader does go by they/them pronouns, however, Hotch refers to them as female when saying “good girl”.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Greenaway!Reader

Word Count: 12194

Timeline: A month after part thirty-one.

I sighed as I pushed all of Hotch’s work to the side just so that I could get to my desk in our office. Since getting out of the hospital about two weeks ago, Hotch had turned our home office into a conspiracy theory pit. He had so many pictures of Foyet, his victims, the crime scenes, the news clippings about The Reaper, and so on hung on the walls that I couldn’t even remember what color the walls were. About a week into this whole project of his was when he pulled out the red string. From there, our office became a maze. It was like I was goddamn Catherine Zeta Jones in Entrapment the way I was weaving through all of it.

But I couldn’t tell him to take it down. Hotch spent two weeks in the hospital, and then he had to spend another two weeks at home as he recovered from Foyet’s attack, underwent physical and psychological evaluations, and I practically made him go on bed rest the rest of the time. Because he wasn’t allowed to go back to work, he had to spend his time working on finding Foyet. I hated that I had to go to work every day without him because of that. I knew that this was eating at him, and I couldn’t stay around long enough to console him or talk him down. It was irritating both of us.

It had only been a month since we said goodbye to Haley and Jack, yet it felt like an eternity. My little man… Every day we were forced apart, I felt a piece of me die. Was that odd? Was it weird to miss someone else’s son like he was your own? Was it weird that I took Red, mine and Jack’s favorite dinosaur, with me everywhere? To the office, on cases, at home. Everywhere. It probably wasn’t as weird as when I would come home to find Hotch napping on Jack’s bed. That mattress was way too small for him. I mean, he would curl up on it as much as possible, and yet his feet would somehow still be hanging off the edge. But it was how he was coping. It was how we were both coping. And the worst part was, we were doing it separately.

In our line of work, Hotch and I had worked dozens of cases with parents that lost a child in a kidnapping or murder. The BAU didn’t just specialize in profiling the Unsubs and victimology—that was a large part of it, obviously, but there was an unspoken part of the job that always struck me during those kinds of cases. Parents mourning the loss of a child were profiled to inevitably always split up. Like the case we worked in Vegas just before Dallas, a son had been kidnapped while walking to a friend’s house, and the parents were slowly drifting apart. They blamed each other. They couldn’t bear to even look at each other. Getting them to cooperate with the investigation so that we could find their son was nearly impossible. Yet we weren’t shocked by that behavior, because that was how mourning couples were always profiled. I just never thought that it would happen to me and Hotch.

No one ever expects that they’re going to lose everything. No one anticipates having to say goodbye to their son. A month ago, we had to say goodbye to Jack, and we honestly weren’t sure if we were ever going to see him again. Foyet was playing the long game with us now. Who knew when he was going to turn up again with another clue so that we could find him? There was a chance that by the time we either caught up to him or he died, Jack wouldn’t know who we were, so there’d be no point in bringing him back. There was a chance that his life would be better off without us. And that was damn near impossible to admit.

However, I thought that Hotch and I were going to come to terms with all of this together. I thought that because we loved each other, and because we knew what the profiles said, that we would somehow work together to prove the profile wrong and work through this side by side. That was what I thought. I spent every day with him when he was in the hospital and I wasn’t on a case. Every single goddamn day. Yet, when he came home, he locked himself in his office, and he practically stopped looking at me altogether.

I would cry every night. I would get home from work, and there were times when I couldn’t even make it to the couch. I would just collapse right there in the entryway, and I wouldn’t get up until the sun started rising for another day. And Hotch never came to hold me. There were other times when I’d come home to hear him sobbing in the office, and I thought about going to console him, but he had locked the door. When I initially tried playing with the doorknob, Hotch immediately stopped crying. He sniffled then told me to go away. So, I stopped trying to go in after that. He stopped trying with me, so I inevitably stopped trying with him. One night, I even thought about moving out. I mean, we weren’t acting like a couple. We had proved the profile correct, and I knew that once that happened—statistically speaking—we were never going to get back together. But I still held on hope. I prayed that he would finally take a moment to realize that he could break down in front of me. I would be there to hold him when he needed it. Until then, there was nothing I could do.

The minute he was cleared to go back to work, Hotch took it. I didn’t think he would go back so soon. One, because of his injuries; two, because going back to work meant that he wouldn’t have all day, every day to pointlessly look for Foyet. He hadn’t found a single goddamn lead in a month, but he was still hacking at it. That was why I was shocked when he gave it up just to go back to the BAU. We even had an argument about it. The day he finally came out of the office to tell me he passed all of his exams, I cracked. I was so fucking pissed at him. He spent a month refusing to look at me, talk to me, sleep in the same bed as me, eat the fucking dining table with me—and then he had the fucking audacity to smile at me and say, “I’m going back to work tomorrow.”

I lost my shit. Truly. I looked back at him and said, “I don’t care what the Bureau says, I don’t want you going back yet. They’re not the ones who have to worry about you, Aaron!”

Hotch’s smile fell. “Drop it.”

I shook my head. “I know you lied during your psych evals. I know that you pushed yourself too hard during your physicals— I saw all the bloody gauze in the trash. So, don’t you dare fucking lie to me again like you did in Cincinnati, Aaron Hotchner—”

“I told you to fucking drop it!” he bellowed. I took a frightened step back. His face immediately softened. “Y/N— I’m sorry—”

“I’m going to Morgan’s house.” I looked at the floor. “I guess I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

And that was how I ended up in the office upstairs, trying to get into my desk so that I could grab some old paperwork for reference on the case report I was currently working on. I was going to Morgan’s house, but that didn’t mean I was going to stop working. Once I had that stuff, I grabbed my spare go-bag from the closet, then made my way downstairs.

Hotch tried to step in my path at the bottom of the stairs, but I pushed past him. He was attempting to apologize profusely while following me around. I kept my head high and just moved to the front door as fast as I could. Since Foyet attacked him, Hotch had practically turned our house security system into something that rivaled the fucking security systems at the office. He had someone come in to put in a new alarm that was set at all times. If we weren’t home, all of the windows, doors, and motion sensors were set. If someone opened a door, broke a window, or moved within the house, about seven different alarms would start going off. When we were at home, only the doors and windows were set. But if we wanted to leave the house, we had to put a code into the alarm first; and when we were coming home, we had to put the code in as fast as possible before the alarms would be set off. So, while Hotch tried to make me stay, I reached around him to put my code in, then headed out.

“Y/N!” he shouted angrily at me again as he stormed into the yard. “Y/N, get back here!”

I flipped him off as I kept walking to my car. I wasn’t even going to take our car. We put my car, the one I had been using before I moved in with Hotch, in the garage sized shed at the back of the driveway, just against the fence to the backyard. It hadn’t been used in so long… I mean, if we needed to use separate cars, I’d dust mine off so that Hotch could have our car, but for the most part, we made it work with one car. This time, though, I was taking my car to make a point. He fucked up. This argument was bad, but it was more than that. This was the result of a month’s worth of fuck ups, and I was sick of it.

I didn’t want to leave him. I loved Hotch more than anything, and I was still convinced that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, even when things were bad like this. But I couldn’t stay. Not when I could see that he was ruining his own life for nothing. I told him in Cincinnati that I wouldn’t tolerate him fucking up his own health for selfish reasons. He promised me that he wouldn’t pull this shit again. And yet… There we were… He was fucking it all up again. And I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t watch him slowly deteriorate. I loved him too much to do that to either of us.

“Y/N—” he banged on my window as I slowly backed out of the driveway. “I’m sorry, please. Baby… Come on… I’m sorry. Stop this. I get it— I shouldn’t have yelled— Baby— I’m sorry—” He had to stop hitting his palms against my windows as the car turned onto the road. He slammed his hands as hard as he could onto the hood of the car. “Goddammit, Y/N! Get out of the fucking car!” I stared him down because he wasn’t moving out of the way. “Stop this, baby,” he pleaded calmly. “Just come home.” I shook my head. He frowned again, his eyes glinting a slight dark red as anger overtook him again. “Get out of the car,” he demanded once more, making his way over to my car door to try and pry it open, even though it was locked. The second he wasn’t in front of the car, though, I laid my foot down on the gas and raced off.

When I got to Morgan’s house, I explained everything, and he set me up in his guest room. This wasn’t the first time I had sought asylum in his house. Since Hotch wasn’t there to comfort me, I had to turn to the only other person who could, and that was Morgan. Granted, this was the first time I was sleeping over. But still. There were plenty of afternoons when I’d detour to his house after work just to cry on his couch as he held me. If I would wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare of finding Hotch dead on our living room floor, I’d drive over to Morgan’s house and cry on his couch until I could calm down. It was unfair to Morgan. I recognized that. He was his own man with his own life and problems, and there I was, always barging in unannounced to unload my problems. But where else was I going to go? There were times when I thought about how much I missed Elle, and I wanted her to be there for me in moments like this, but she was gone. She abandoned me… and… she wasn’t coming back, apparently. Morgan was all I had.

As it got late, and we both needed to rest, he offered to stay and sleep with me, but I told him I’d be fine. He reluctantly obeyed (not for the reason most people would assume). It was no secret that Derek Morgan was a “playa”, to put it in his terms. He liked getting into the pants of any and every girl that would give him consent, and he liked teasing Garcia in a… less than platonic way, and sometimes we would do that, too, but not really. That being said, Derek Morgan would never, ever take advantage of someone, especially when they were as vulnerable as I was that night. He only offered to sleep in the same bed as me because that was how close we were, and he was willing to comfort me if I needed it. But I knew that I needed some space and time to think, and he needed some sleep in order to be ready for work the next day. So, when I turned him down, he gave in. He kissed my temple, squeezed my shoulders in a tight side embrace, then left the room quietly, carefully closing it behind him.

When he was gone, I opened my go-bag to pull out my pajamas. Yet, when I saw what I had packed away in there, I froze. I had packed this so long ago. I grabbed the first bag I saw. I didn’t even think to check what was in it. I was so fucking stupid. Unfortunately, however, there was nothing I could do about it now. I just had to suck it up and wear them, because it was either wearing what I packed or wearing what I left the house in. Either way, I was not going back just to pick up a different pair of pajamas.

I sighed. Unenthusiastically, I stripped myself of my clothes, then changed into one of Hotch’s old college sweatshirts and a pair of his blue and gold flannel pajama pants to match. I was planning on getting him another pair for his birthday in the next few weeks because I stole his, and I felt bad because of that. Also, because I had originally stolen these and put them in my go-bag recently after the stabbing, figuring that I needed something of his with me on cases while I was gone and he was at home. I had Jack’s red dinosaur toy with me at all times, I just needed Hotch’s clothing with me, too, considering that was the extent of the attention I got from him. But now… Things were just too confusing. I was upset that I didn’t just pack my own goddamn clothes.

That being said, I still cuddled under the blankets, and I pulled the collar of the sweatshirt over my nose to keep me warm while also taking in his scent. Within the past year or so, Hotch had given up his familiar Aqua Velva scent in exchange for a cinnamon and pine. He had gone into his closet one day, pulled out all of my favorite items of his to steal, took them outside, then practically drenched them in the cologne once he knew I liked it. I didn’t know until I came home from dinner with Emily one night to find that the entire fucking house reeked of cinnamon and pine. It took a while for the neighborhood to air out, but once it did, I was left with Hotch’s scent attached to each article of clothing, and I loved it. That night, while lying in a strange bed without the love of my life beside me, I found that my only comfort was that scent. I hugged my torso and inhaled.

I knew that he was sorry. I knew that he didn’t mean for any of this to happen. And, honestly, I knew that neither of us meant for things to blow up the way they did. But now that they had, I wasn’t sure where to go from there, how to navigate all of this. We couldn’t go back to normal. Could we? I’d be the first to admit that he scared me earlier. I knew that he would never hurt me, but deep down, in the pit of my stomach, I was terrified of him. After not having his love for so long, his outburst… It took me aback. There was a moment there, when he shouted at me the first time, I saw a glimpse of that night in high school, and I heard him yelling at me for not cooperating. That was why I had to leave. It wasn’t Hotch’s fault. My mind was playing tricks on me, but I couldn’t let it ruin the one good thing I had in my life: Aaron Hotchner. I just needed some time and space.

Time. And. Space.

That was what I asked for when I arrived at Quantico the next day. Morgan and I drove in at the same time, then he met me at the elevator after we both went through security, and he asked me if I wanted back up (or a mediator) while talking to Hotch. As we stepped into the elevator, I denied his offer quietly. Upstairs, in the BAU, Reid and Emily were trying to show me pictures of Henry, JJ’s son. She had him shortly after Hotch was stabbed. And by shortly, I meant that we hadn’t even left the fucking hospital yet when she went into labor. But now she was itching to get back to work, and I was shocked. It had only been a few weeks. I thought that the human body literally couldn’t handle getting back to work that fast, but maybe she wasn’t looking to work in the field quite yet. I understood if she just wanted to sit in the office to do paperwork around Anderson or hang out in Garcia’s office for a bit. I could understand that. I just thought that she would want to spend more time with Will and Henry, but who was I to judge her? I promised I would never do that after she judged me—and, yes, it was so that I could prove that I was the better person, I wasn’t afraid to admit that.

I headed straight into Hotch’s office. I found that he was sitting on his couch, his head in his hands, an old picture of him, Jack, and Haley in his lap. As I snuck closer, I saw that he had printed a picture of me and him out, and he had it taped to the bottom corner of that picture frame. Our family. Our story. Our everything.

I cleared my throat to let him know that I was there. “Sorry, I’ll come back later.”

Hotch looked up from his hands. When he realized that I was really standing there in front of him, he threw the photos to the side and jumped to his feet. “No, wait—” He hurried over to me. “Please.”

I stopped. “Okay.”

“Baby, I am so sorry.” He wasn’t getting close enough to put a hand on me, which I silently appreciated. “I didn’t mean to yell or get worked up. I’ve just been so worried—”

“Aaron, I really didn’t come to make up.”

His posture changed to something more shy and confused. “What?”

“I’m sorry… But, I, uh… I’m just here as an employee right now.”

Hotch searched my eyes for a moment while he tried to understand what was happening. I wasn’t looking him in the eye, I wasn’t trying to impress him with anything, and I wasn’t even trying to give us privacy by closing the door. In fact, I didn’t want privacy. I didn’t want to give him a chance to try to hug or kiss me. With the blinds and door still open, he had to obey the rules we created for ourselves at work, and I could tell that it was killing him, but I was there for a specific reason, and it wasn’t because I was ready to hear his apology yet. He might have felt he was ready for it, but I wasn’t.

“Okay,” Hotch said while he nodded. He moved to take a seat at his desk. “Sit.” He gestured to the empty seats across from him. “What’s this about?”

“I’m requesting a few personal days off.”

“Why?”

“You’re not supposed to ask me that, Agent Hotchner.”

His eyes narrowed at me. “It’s my job, Agent Greenaway, to ensure that my team is okay both physically and mentally.”

“Well, I’m fine, Agent Hotchner, thank you for checking on me.”

“Stop this, Y/N. Please.”

“I can formally request this time off through Chief Strauss, if need be.”

He hesitated as his brown eyes added a red tint of anger. “That’ll not be necessary.”

“So, you’ll give it to me?”

“Only if you tell me why.”

“You know why.”

“Why?” he asked with a hiss. The tension was growing in the room.

“I just need to clear my head.”

“That’s not good enough!” he exclaimed angrily. I could see that he was holding himself back from hitting the table or swiping his papers off the desk. “What’s this really about? Is it really about our argument, Y/N? Can we please, for a minute, just stop dancing around the truth and say what we feel—”

My blood boiled over. “You’re not the only one who lost a son, Aaron!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. There was a moment where we stared at each other as we both realized what I had said. I was shaking so bad. A thought passed by me that maybe I should have stopped there, left it alone, gone home to take another breather. But I wasn’t wrong. Jack was my son, too. I lost him, too. I was hurting, too. And I needed Hotch there to hold me, but he wasn’t. So, I continued, “I was right there with you when we saw him for the last time. You aren’t the only one suffering here, Hotch. I wake up every day and I wish that I could turn the corner in our home and see him sitting at the table, eating Cheerios for breakfast. I wish that we could still take him to soccer every Saturday. And I fucking wish that I could keep spoiling him even though you tell me not to. I love your son like he’s my own, Aaron. I know he’s not mine, and I know that he never will be… but, damn it, I love you and I love him. And the fact that we’re both mourning over losing him to this asshole, and I’m trying to be there for you, but you keep pushing me away when I need you, too… That’s cruel. It’s unfair. I have never felt more alone than I have over the past month. You need to get your shit together, and I need some time to come to terms with the fact that I may never see Jack again. So, I’ll ask you again, may I please have some time off?”

He paused while staring at me. I could see a sparkle in his eyes that came from the tears welling, the apologetic and deeply sorry tears. It broke my heart to see him like that. It absolutely tore me in half to see him cry because of something I said… but what else was I supposed to do? He wanted me to tell him the truth, so I did. It hurt to do it, but it was necessary, and now that he knew just how horrible he had been, I could tell that he didn’t want to be angry anymore. Now that he understood, I realized that he just wanted to hold me and apologize until he couldn’t breathe. But I still needed time. As much as I would’ve loved to be in his arms, kissing him, telling him that I’d always love him… I needed time away to clear my head. I needed time away from him to come to terms with the loss we had.

“Where are you going to go?” he croaked.

I lied and said that I was going to stay at a hotel for a few days before returning to work; but we both clearly knew that I was staying with Morgan. I wanted to be with someone I trusted. I wanted to be with someone I loved. I didn’t want to be alone. Morgan’s house was a safe haven for me whenever I needed it, and I usually didn’t take him up on the offer, but now I was in desperate need of it.

“Okay,” Hotch gave in. “Take all the time you need. But… Y/N… I need you to know that you will always have a place here, and you will always have a place back at home with me.”

I stared at him for another second before pushing myself out of my seat. “I’ll see you in a few days, Agent Hotchner.”

After leaving Hotch’s office, I saw that the entire office was staring at me. Maybe I should’ve closed the door, in hindsight. Nothing to do about it now, though. They all heard every single word, and now they couldn’t look away from the train wreck that was Y/N Greenaway and Aaron Hotchner. I was sure that somewhere out there, wherever he was, Jason Gideon was laughing and saying: “I told you so.” No one else in the office seemed to be thinking that, especially after the screaming match I just had with our boss, but I knew that Gideon was chuckling somewhere in the world.

I started my walk of shame down the ramp. Even Rossi had come out of his office to lean against his doorframe while watching me, probably waiting for a perfect opportunity to sneak into Hotch’s office to comfort him— or maybe even talk some sense into him. I hoped that it was the latter.

A few days later, I heard the front door of Morgan’s place open up. I turned on the couch to see an exhausted Morgan throw his used go-bag onto the floor, then crash onto the empty couch space next to me. He sighed and rested his head on my lap. He had been away on a case since the day I left Hotch’s office after we argued. We had been texting since he left because he wanted to make sure I was alright and that I was taking care of Clooney, his German Shepard. I loved that dog. I thought he was adorable—and he was so well behaved. He rested at my feet on the bed every night to keep me company. It was nice to have company, even though Morgan was away and I wasn’t talking to Hotch.

“You know, I’ll leave and go to a hotel, if you want me to. I don’t mean to just… intrude on your life,” I said after giving him a moment to relax.

Morgan looked up at me upside down. “Never.” He smirked, “Unless you’re going to be living here any longer than a month, in which case, you need to start paying rent.”

I matched his smirk, “No. I just need a couple more days, I think. If that.”

He nodded understandingly. “You wanna order take out for dinner?”

“Sure.”

He did a sit up before standing on his feet and hurrying over to the house phone so that he could order dinner for us. I sighed and relaxed in Hotch’s sweatshirt. It was starting to smell less and less like him, which only made me more desperate to get home. But I liked the freedom I had been experiencing over the past few days. With the time I got to spend on my own in silence, I got to think about how much I missed my little man, while coming to terms with the fact that this was the best choice—the only choice we could make. Sending them away in order to protect them was the right thing to do. Jack was safe with Haley. They were safe under Sam’s protection. Coming to terms about that much was hard while I was around Hotch, who was only moping around all day. Now that some time had passed, I was a bit calmer about the situation, and I was just ready to get our family back. But I still needed another day or two, just for good measure. After that, I’d race to apologize profusely to Hotch, begging for him to take me back after running away like that. I felt like a bitch, okay. Maybe it was a bit overdramatic to run away, but at the time, I didn’t know what else to do. But now that the tension had sizzled out and I was clear headed about the situation, I realized how sorry I was for leaving in the first place.

When the food arrived, Morgan and I sat crisscross on the couch while facing each other and talking about whatever came to mind. At some point, casual talk turned to work talk. As it always did. I asked him to tell me about the case the team just got back from, and he told me that they had dealt with an Unsub who was drowning his victims in methanol in order to get rid of their stench. When I asked how it ended, he hesitated.

“Morgan?”

He gulped and told me that Hotch took off his vest, handed his gun to Rossi, then went inside to negotiate a peaceful surrender with the Unsub. My eyes shot wide. Why the fuck did Hotch do that? Why would he— I didn’t understand. How could he be so stupid? How could he risk his life like that? How could he risk leaving me and Jack behind? How was I supposed to live with the fact that we ended on bad terms if something were to have happened to him?

“What happened?” I asked, frightened.

Morgan pushed his food around in order to give himself a reason to not look at me. “The Unsub shot the girl, ran away, got in his cab, and we started chasing after him. Half of the city was looking for him, Y/N, yet, somehow, Hotch was the one who found him. The guy tried speeding off again to get away from Hotch, but when Hotch shot at him, he crashed into a truck, immediately killing him.”

“Is Hotch okay?” I leaned forward to express my eagerness for a positive answer. He hesitated again. “Derek Morgan, you tell me right now—”

“He’s okay, Y/N.”

I relaxed and let out a breath. “Good.”

“But…”

My eyes shot up at him. “But?”

“Strauss temporarily promoted me to Unit Chief.”

“What? Why?”

“Because Hotch isn’t fit to be in a position of power right now, sunshine. We both know that. He isn’t fit to lead a team right now.” He set his food on the table next to us. “Strauss and Rossi made the decision when we got off the plane.” He grabbed my hands. “It’s just until Hotch is back to being Hotch, honey bunches, I promise.”

I scoffed. “And how long do you think that’ll be?”

“I’m not sure. But I think that if you went back to work, it might help some.” His eyes pouted at me. “He has nothing to live for right now, Y/N. You left, Jack and Haley are gone, Foyet’s taunting him, and his ability to do this job is… being questioned. Having you around, as you are, it might remind him that he still has everything to live for.”

I understood that he couldn’t read my mind. I knew that he couldn’t’ve possibly known that I had already decided that I was going to go back to work soon, so it made sense that he felt he needed to tell me that Hotch’s best chance was going back. So, I gave in just for the sake of making Morgan feel like he did something.

“I think I’m gonna head to bed early,” I said quietly.

“What? No—Y/N, I didn’t mean to upset you or—”

“Morgan, it’s not your fault.” I set my food to the side. “I, um… Tomorrow… It’s just going to be a long day, so I should get some extra sleep.”

“Sugar, I really didn’t mean to—”

“Tomorrow is Jack’s birthday.”

He immediately fell silent, his shoulders giving out his posture when he realized he had pried too far. He apologized quietly. I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn’t care about his prying, but it got caught in my throat when a sob bubbled up a little too far. I excused myself before running to “my” room.

I crashed onto the bed. As I pulled the covers up over my body, hiding my head from the world, I grabbed my phone and opened the Photos app. The sob I was holding back finally crashed through me when I saw a picture of Hotch and Jack cuddling in the hammock in our backyard. Hotch had been laying out there after work, watching Jack play soccer. By the time dinner was ready, I went outside to collect them, only to find that Jack had given up on kicking the ball around so that he could lay on his dad’s chest. Hotch’s arms were wrapped around Jack’s entire body. They were dead asleep, probably had been for at least an hour. I couldn’t bother them when they were like that. So, I took a picture, then let them be. Finally, when it got too cold, they came inside, Jack still half asleep in his dad’s arms as he was carried upstairs to his room.

That was such a perfect night. We had dozens of nights like that, where the small, random things were taken for granted. Now that we didn’t have Jack, I wished I could go back in time. I wished that I would’ve just sat outside on the patio while drinking my wine, feeling the way my heart swelled as they snored together, the hammock rocking under them.

I reached over for Red, mine and Jack’s favorite toy, and I pulled it close to my chest. Tomorrow was going to be horrible to bear alone.

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Morgan knocking on my door. I groaned and rolled over to check my phone for the time. That was when I realized that I hadn’t charged it all night. I went to bed around three, my eyelids too heavy from crying for so long. Since I hadn’t plugged my phone in, it was obviously dead. I groaned again. The door opened once Morgan heard me shuffling around on the bed. I hid my puffy face under the comforter while simultaneously trying to trick him into thinking that I was asleep. I felt like Jack. Jack… It was officially his birthday. I mean, I had been awake when the clock struck midnight, but this was different. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, and Morgan was telling me that he was leaving for work. It truly was Jack’s birthday now. There was no escaping it.

The mattress sank slightly as Morgan sat next to me. He put a hand on my shoulder, then leaned down to kiss the top of my head. “I’ll see you when I get home—if we’re not called away on a case.” He made a move to stand.

I grabbed his hand, revealing my red and swollen eyes. “Take it easy on Hotch today. Don’t let anyone give him a hard time. Please.”

“I’ll try.”

He kissed my forehead gently again, then silently stood and left the room, making sure to reclose the door behind him on his way out. I huffed and slumped back onto the pillows, feeling the way I sunk into the comfort of the blankets, the mattress, and the feather pillows. My relaxation didn’t last long, though, because the next thing I knew, the sound of scratching on the door disturbed me. I rolled out of bed and opened the door so that Clooney could run in. He jumped onto my bed and nuzzled his nose under the blankets. I smiled. At least I had someone to keep me busy during the day.

I was reminded of my dead phone on the bed when Clooney kicked it by accident. I plugged it in without hesitating another second. While I waited for it to charge, I played with Clooney’s long hair. He got riled up after a few seconds, deciding to playfully attempt to bite me while I waved my hand in his face. When I heard my phone chime, I booped his nose, then turned to pick it up.

Two missed calls.

I scrolled the rest of my notifications to realize that it was Emily and Anderson who had attempted to contact me. I didn’t want to hear from them, though. Anderson was probably calling on behalf of Hotch, meanwhile Emily was only going t o try to convince me to return to work sooner. I wished that I was a telepath so I could just tell everyone what I was thinking, that way they would leave me alone. I was planning on going back to work soon. I had been over it a hundred times in my head. But if people kept bothering me about it, I was just going to be more reluctant about it.

An hour later, my phone started buzzing again. I pet Clooney as he shuffled onto my lap. My phone just kept buzzing, however, as another call came through. I cursed under my breath, then stretched to pick it up, recognizing the photo and the name flashing on the screen almost immediately. I waited a second. Morgan must have talked to him. After seeing me glued to the bed, left to nothing but a puddle of tears, Morgan probably went straight to Hotch, told him that I was suffering today, and Hotch decided to finally call me after all this time.

I answered.

Silence echoed throughout my room as I waited for something to happen. Even Clooney stilled. It had been so long, I wasn’t sure who should speak first, or if I should even speak at all. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing. After how things ended between us the last time we saw each other, I knew that what I said was wrong. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes. I didn’t want to push him away further than he already was.

And then it happened.

“Hey,” I heard his voice for the first time in about a week.

I nearly melted. “Hey,” I whispered back.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded, though he couldn’t see me. “I’m fine. Are you?”

He hesitated before changing the subject. “I know that I’m not supposed to be calling—”

“It’s okay.”

Hotch hesitated another second. “It’s, um,” he cleared his throat, “it’s Jack’s birthday today.”

“I didn’t forget.”

Of course, I didn’t. How could I when our dinosaur had been sitting on my bed all day, staring at me, and I broke down every time I glanced at it. Jack had been so excited to spend his birthday with us. He was going to have a party at Chuck-E-Cheese with his friends, as disgusting as it was. We were going to get Spider-Man and Superman balloons, superhero themed paper plates, cups, and silverware. I was going to buy a set of Spider-Man walkie talkies for him and his dad to use, or maybe one of those Bat Signal toys so that he could flash it up at the sky whenever he was thinking of us when we were at work. I had all of these ideas to make that day special for him, but George Foyet took that all away. There were going to be no pictures of Jack blowing out his birthday candles, or opening his gifts, or hugging his dad after we wished him a happy birthday. There were going to be no memories of him running around Chuck-E-Cheese with his friends, bragging about how many tickets he got, and Hotch telling him that he was proud. There were going to be no conversations of me trying to convince him to get one prize or another. And there wasn’t going to be a single argument between me and Hotch about me spoiling Jack too damn much. That happiness left when Foyet practically stole him away from us.

“When are you coming home, Y/N? I know I shouldn’t ask, but…”

“I thought about coming home tomorrow, actually.”

“Can I see you before then?”

“Aaron, I…”

“Sam called to tell me that he had to move Haley and Jack again. Apparently, she’s been calling her dad and Jessica.”

I sighed and hid my face in my left palm. This day was already hard enough, but to just keep digging at the hole in my heart wasn’t helping. I thought that, of all people, Haley would do anything to protect Jack. George Foyet was a psychopath with a mission. Why would she risk Jack’s safety just to call her Roy and sister when Sam had told her a thousand times that she couldn’t be in contact with anyone until we found Foyet.

“Are they okay?” I asked.

“They're fine. Sam sent me a video of Jack playing on the swings this morning. He looks… happy.”

“He—” I hesitated to think about it. We hadn’t heard Jack’s voice in so long… We hadn’t seen his bright face in what felt like forever. We hadn’t gotten to hear his laugh since the day Foyet took him from us. A tear slid down my cheek as I considered it. “Could you hear him? See him?”

“Yeah,” Hotch said quietly. “It’s fuzzy, and it’s at a distance, but he says your name. He says he misses you.” Another tear escaped me. “I’d like to show it to you… You don’t have to stay long, just come into the office for a bit. I… I really just…” He cleared his throat again, trying to hold back an obvious sob building in his throat. “I need to hold you. Just for a bit today. I need it really bad, Y/N.”

A tear slid down my cheek. I needed him, too. No matter how mad I was with him, no matter how upset he made me after our blow up, there was only one thing that could make this day somewhat bearable. It was the same thing that Hotch needed. Being in his arms was the only thing that could ever really comfort me nowadays, and I thought earlier about how I needed him to hold me to make the day easier. I thought that he wouldn’t want to see me. After how things ended the last time we saw each other, I thought he would never want to see me again. I had said some pretty hurtful things. Though I meant them, it didn’t erase that they probably stung him to hear.

“I need you, too,” I whispered.

I heard him let out a quiet cry. “Come home to me, baby. Please.”

“I’m coming.” I stood from the bed and raced to grab my purse. “I’m coming, baby.”

His voice perked up, “I love you so much.”

I changed before driving to the office. I had been stuck in Hotch’s pajamas for days, which wasn’t exactly… attractive, and I definitely didn’t smell good. Maybe that was why Clooney was so fond of me. Changing was also important because I was heading to my place of work. I wasn’t going to be a visitor there. I couldn’t exactly show up in a sweatshirt and pajama pants. So, I used what I had in my go-bag to look work-ready, then I headed off to the office.

The parking lot security didn’t recognize my vehicle since I was arriving in my old one. The fact that they didn’t recognize it only prolonged my wait to see Hotch again. They had to check my credentials, then give me a new parking pass for the car—and the whole thing was just a fucking mess. But the second they let me past the barricade, I sped towards the closest parking spot I could find to the building, parked, then ran inside. Security welcomed me with smiles and innocent questions, just like they always did. They were an awesome group of people that were absolutely underappreciated by the agents in our building. There were times when they told me that Garcia and I were two of the only people who ever even acknowledged them, let alone took time out of our days to get to know them. As always, I told them that it was my pleasure, but the second the niceties were over, I ran to the elevator down the hall.

As the elevator opened to reveal the sixth floor, I squeezed through the doors. Garcia was walking out of the BAU, a fresh cup of coffee in her hand. She froze when she saw me, a smile lighting up her face, and I tried smiling back as much as I could even though all of my energy was focused on getting to Hotch. She must have realized what was going on because she held the glass door open for me. I thanked her as I snaked by.

Everyone in the bullpen stopped and turned when Reid spotted me first. I smiled and waved as I kept my head down and maintained my clear path up the ramp, leading towards Hotch’s office. Emily tried calling out my name, but Morgan hushed her and I kept moving. It was nothing against her, but I was there for a singular purpose: Aaron Hotchner.

“Hi,” I said, stumbling into his office. I was so out of breath from running there. I was panting behind my forced smile.

Hotch looked up from the files on his desk. “Hi.”

“I want to see him. I want to see my little man.” My eyes were already watering up, a desperate plea for Hotch’s help to ease my breaking heart. “Please.”

“Close the blinds and lock the door.”

I nodded and turned to do so. Because Hotch and I technically weren’t supposed to have any kind of contact with Haley and Jack, no one else could see the video we were sent. If WITSEC changed their appearance and someone saw, it could put them in danger. If there was anything revealing in that video about where they had been before they were moved because Haley had been in contact with her dad, then it could put them in danger. Hotch and I couldn’t take that risk.

When I was done, I sat down in one of the empty seats across from Hotch. He turned his computer so that it was facing down the width of the desk, giving Hotch and I equal opportunity to see the screen and the video that was queued up. Even while the video was paused, I could see Jack on the swings, his legs kicked out since he had just gotten enough momentum to move forwards, and he was about to go flying back. I grabbed Hotch’s hand from the spacebar, tangling my fingers with his. Both of our breaths hitched.

“Are you sure—”

I nodded. “Do it.”

Hotch pressed the spacebar, then flipped his hand over so that he could hold my hand better. The video began. Jack started swinging back, his legs tucked under the seat. He was laughing. He was laughing, and kicking, and he looked like he was having so much fun. Haley pushed him forward again. He giggled and gave a “whoo” as he flew through the air again.

“It’s time!” Sam called from behind the camera.

Haley looked over with worry since Jack couldn’t see her. He was still having the time of his life, despite the fact that Sam and Haley were both telling him that it was time to get off the swings so that they could leave. Jack dragged his sneakers on the dirt beneath him to slow his momentum. After a few light, useless swings, Jack came to a stop, so he could safely jump off. Haley took his hand. He smiled up at her before he started skipping alongside her on their way to meet Sam at the car in the parking lot.

“Can we see Dad and Y/N now?” Jack asked.

I let out a sob, my face falling carefully against the desk. Hotch reached out to pet my hair back comfortingly, helping me through each of the tears that slid down my cheeks and every single whine that left my throat.

“No, baby, we’re not going home yet,” Haley said.

“But I want to see Y/N!” he complained. “I miss them.”

I tilted my head so that my cheek was pressed against the cold wood of the desk, but also so that I could glue my gaze back to the screen.

“I know, Jack,” she said while picking him up. “But we have to go somewhere else for our trip. Aren’t you excited?”

“Where are we going?”

The was when the video cut out.

“No, wait—” I gasped, sitting up straight. “There has to be more. That can’t be it.”

“That’s all of it, baby,” Hotch said apologetically.

“Play it again.”

Hotch did so. The video started replaying, Jack’s laugh echoing throughout the room. And then it was over faster than it was the first time, somehow. I sighed and let my head fall against the desk again.

“Come on, baby, don’t do that,” Hotch begged.

“I’m so sorry, Aaron. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

“No. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”

“It’s not—”

“It all goes back to that night in the hotel, Y/N. If I would’ve just taken the deal, none of this would be happening to us.”

“Stop,” I insisted while sitting up and sniffling. “I don’t blame you.”

He handed me a tissue from the box next to his elbow. “I’m sorry for being an asshole. I was blinded by hatred for Foyet and the need for revenge that I didn’t see how much of a douchebag I was being while you were suffering, too. It was insensitive of me, baby, and I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

I dodged his apology after a moment of silence. “Are you okay?” I asked. “You know… with missing Jack’s birthday for the first time?”

Hotch had never missed mine, Jack, or Haley’s birthdays before. There were times when we had to miss other holidays, but never a birthday. Ever. That was a day special to that person, and Hotch always wanted to celebrate it with them. When it came to Jack, that urge was even stronger. Jack was apart of this world because of Hotch. He stayed by Haley’s side for hours as she endured labor, and from that pain, they gained a little sunshine, a little miracle of their own. He wouldn’t have missed Jack’s birthday for the world. It was a memory of the good times, and a reminder that Hotch had a reason to live. He had a son. He wanted to celebrate that day every single year. But this time… There was no one to celebrate with, and it was noticeable.

He shook his head. “No. But that’s why I called you. I had to see you again and make things right.” We both took a deep breath, clearing away our tears and our overwhelming emotions. Hotch stood from his seat and slowly walked around his desk, taking a knee beside my chair. “I am sorry, Y/N. I don’t think I’ll ever stop apologizing for what I did. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, and I shouldn’t have chased after you like that. I know I scared you, and I’m sorry. You know that I would never lay a hand on you, right?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life making this up to you, Y/N, I just know it.” He took my hand in his. “I could make excuses all day—like how I was just frustrated about how our family is falling apart, and I’m upset the Foyet took the time to specifically go through our house in order to search for the one thing he knew would hurt most to steal… the ring I was going to give you.”

When Hotch and I first met Foyet, we thought that he was just another victim of The Reaper—that he was one of the lucky ones that got away. We were convinced because he distracted us with the one thing that meant everything to us: love. He begged me to not let The Reaper put Amanda’s engagement ring on his next victim. He cried about how he didn’t want that good memory to be ruined by The Reaper. In the end, though, The Reaper put the ring on one of his next victims, and I felt horrible about having broken my promise to Foyet… Only to find out that it was all a lie. It was a facade in order to fuck with us. I didn’t appreciate it. None of us did. He made it personal, and we were all pissed. But what upset me the most was the fact that he knew that using the detail of the engagement ring against me and Hotch would work. That was also how and why he knew to go straight for ours the night he stabbed Hotch.

Now, all I could do was hope and pray that he wouldn’t get the chance to put that ring on anyone’s body. I wanted that ring to be mine. I wanted Hotch to be down on one knee, as he was just then while apologizing to me, and I wanted him to slide that ring onto my finger as I told him: “Yes, I’ll marry you, Aaron Hotchner!” It was my dream. I wanted to call Aaron Hotchner my husband. And I wanted it to be that very ring that he went out of his way to buy after I babied him all the way home from Cincinnati. I wanted to be his. It actually didn’t matter which ring I ended up wearing—or even if I would have one at all. I just wanted to be his, and only his. Getting the ring back was just an added bonus because it came with a free side of “Fuck you, George Foyet”, accompanied with a middle finger.

“I could make those excuses,” he continued, “and I want to… But I won’t. I take full responsibility for my actions. I recognize that what I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have shut you out. I shouldn’t have abandoned you. And I definitely shouldn’t have snapped at you when all you were doing was trying to help me and knock some sense into me.”

“I don’t want you to spend the rest of our lives apologizing, Aaron. I already forgive you. I just want you to spend every second of every day loving me unconditionally. Holding me like this…” I released his hands so that I could grab his face. He grabbed mine, too. “Kissing me like this…” I pressed my lips against his gingerly. “Telling me you love me…”

“I love you…” he whispered.

“It’s music to my ears,” I said, leaning my forehead against his.

Hotch hands snaked under my hips so that he could grab my ass, then lift me out of my seat. I flung my arms around his neck to make sure I wouldn’t fall out of his hold. When he had me out of my chair, I crossed my legs around his waist, feeling his erection pressing against me through both of our pants. We moaned simultaneously. Next thing I knew, to make sure he wouldn’t drop me, Hotch set me down on the edge of his desk.

“Are you—” he tried asking before I cut him off with another kiss. He pulled away. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“What about the rules?”

“Fuck the rules. Aaron, I need this,” I said desperately, rather than seductively.

Of course, I needed him, but I mainly needed the idea of fucking him—of finally sharing that connection with him again after so long of not being anywhere near him. I needed the physical reminder that we loved each other. I didn’t doubt our love or passion, but that didn’t erase the feeling I had growing in the pit of my stomach, and it certainly didn’t make me forget just how wet I was for him already.

“We don’t have to if you’re not ready yet, or if our emotions are too fried—”

“Are you not sure?”

He stared at me for a moment. “I’ve never been more sure in my life.”

I leaned up to kiss him again. “Then, fuck me, Sir.”

Hotch’s lips crashed passionately against mine, his tongue immediately sliding into my mouth, claiming the dominance I loved so much. I grinded my hips against his. He moaned in response, bucking his hips forward, too. My palms dragged down his neck, gliding over his purple button up dress shirt, making their way slowly down to his belt. As my fingers fiddled with the metal clasp, Hotch leaned against me so that he could clear the space on his desk behind me before pushing my back down. I got his buckle undone just in time. Hotch finished the rest of it. He eagerly unbuttoned his pants, then pushed down his zipper. As he stepped out of his pants, I fidgeted with the waistband of mine, waiting for the perfect opportunity to push them down to my ankles. Hotch caught the hint before I could get very far. He yanked my pants and panties down with one fowl swoop, leaving me completely exposed to him.

“Fuck—” I wiggled my hips around to gesture for more. Hotch ran his left pointer finger up my slit, starting at my dripping entrance, working his way up slowly to my throbbing clit. I jerked around when he circled it. “Sir…”

“I don’t want manners right now, Y/N. I just want you.” He cupped my cheeks with his palms so that he could hold me still before kissing me as roughly as he could. “You have to be quiet.”

“I know.”

He nodded. “Okay.” He reached between us in order to push his boxers down to his ankles. “Hold onto me. Please.”

I obeyed, bracing my hands on his shoulders. As he lined his tip up with my entrance, I bit my lip to bar myself from moaning his name as loud as I could. Instead, I opted to whimper, “I want you inside me—” I gasped and let my body fall limp against the desk as he pushed into me slowly. “Aaron…”

“You’re so tight, baby girl. Always so tight and wet for me.” He threw his head back while snapping his hips back, then forward as roughly as he had the strength for.

I saw his muscles tightened under his shirt, and that was when a thought struck me. “You have another shirt in your go-bag, right?”

Hotch thrusted into me again before he realized what it was that I had asked him. He paused. “Why?” I didn’t answer. “Yeah, I have another—” I grabbed onto the seam of buttons lining his chest, and then I yanked them apart. Hotch groaned, thrusting into me as I did so. I screwed my eyes shut and threw my head back in euphoria before I could even get a look at Hotch, like I wanted. “Fuck, baby girl…” He gripped my hips harder. I looked up at him with a smirk, excited to finally see him, but then I froze. Hotch noticed how my face well. “What is it?” he asked as he slowed then stopped.

“Aaron,” I hesitated, my fingers hovering only millimeters from his chest. He stopped to follow my gaze, quickly realizing that this was the first time that I was laying my eyes on his scars. Foyet did that to him… I wanted to cry. “I could have lost you…”

“Look at me,” he whispered as he grabbed my chin between his fingers. My eyes fluttered as I looked up at him through my lashes and foggy eyes. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Ever. I promise.”

I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer, feeling him move inside me as he leaned over me. For the first time, I finally felt my hands touch his scars, running over the bumps and cuts. The stitches had been gone for a while, but I could still feel the irritation. I never knew that it was this bad. How was I supposed to know when he had been working tirelessly towards making sure I never found out?

“I love you,” I croaked, letting him pull me in for a kiss.

He thrust his hips forward at a gentle, loving pace. “I love you, too.”

I grabbed onto his shoulders, my fingers digging into his back slightly. With that silent encouragement, Hotch’s hands took ahold of my hips and he started fucking me roughly. I moaned against his collarbone, my legs falling off of him so that he could increase his pace without being held back by me. I propped my feet on the edge of his desk, and my back fell against the wood entirely. Hotch’s hands moved upwards, stopping just on my breasts. He cupped, massaged, and squeezed them as he continued to fuck me as hard as he could. My hands fell from his shoulders, and I ran my fingers over his scars again. I used to be so obsessed with his chest and how he flexed when he’d fuck me like this, but now, I was so scared of looking or touching because I didn’t want to hurt him. I knew that he wasn’t fragile, especially with the strength of every pump he was giving me, but I was still hesitant. I felt like with one wrong move, he could fall apart, and maybe it would be all my fault.

“I can’t lose you,” I whispered, moving to press my palm against his face.

He leaned down and kissed me. I moaned into his mouth as he gave me another passionate thrust that said: “I’m here, my love, and I’m not going anywhere.” I scratched at his back. I couldn’t do anything but quietly moan and whimper. If we were any louder, the whole office would know, and we couldn’t have that. This first time since he was stabbed was imperative to calming our worries and helping us forget our pain… but the team didn’t need to know any of it. There would be another time soon when Hotch and I would be alone, and I’d finally get to moan his name as loud as I wanted while also gasping between saying “I love you” a thousand times. But this… This needed to be quiet. It was passionate, of course, but it had to be quiet, much to my despair.

“I’m close,” he warned. “I’m so fucking close.”

I pulled him towards me so that our chests were pressed together. He hid his face in the crook of my neck, finally letting out a muffled groan. His hips were doing all of the work now, so I started grinding up to help him. That only seemed to encourage his orgasm, because the next thing I knew, his hand snaked between our bodies so that he could press his thumb against my clit.

I hid my face in his shoulder so that my moan would be muffled, too. “Aaron…” I let out a shaky breath. “Aaron, please. Cum in me…” I needed him to fill me. I needed that instinctual reminder that I was his and he was mine. I needed a part of him to carry around for a bit to remember that he was alive and that he was there with me. “Fuck—” My body gave out. I was shaking and panting as my orgasm crashed through me like a wave. As my walls pulsed around him, Hotch groaned into my neck again. My tightness pushed him over the edge, milking out everything he had to offer me.

“Y/N…” he growled in my ear, thrusting into me once more with such a fierceness that I knew I was going to be sore in just a few minutes. “I love you.” I heard how the words got caught in his throat. I heard how he was holding something back. I knew what it sounded like when he was trying not to cry. So, I lifted his head off me. “I love you,” he repeated, moving to kiss me before I could register just how red his eyes were.

I melted into his kiss again, my body relaxing after my overwhelming climax. It was only when I felt one of his tears hit my cheek that I knew he wasn’t okay. I whimpered sadly. All I could do was hold him close, tangling my fingers through his hair, kissing his lips again and again, feeling him soften inside of me. It was like that time we drove back from Cincinnati, and we couldn’t do anything but be grateful for each other. I couldn’t bear to lose him. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could face seeing him like this. Broken, beaten, bruised, wincing in pain. If it happened again, I didn’t know how I was going to survive.

“Does it still hurt?” I asked, referencing his scars. Hotch groaned as he pulled out of me slowly. He reached into his go-bag under his desk, grabbing a dark blue towel to clean me up with. Silently, he wiped my thighs and everywhere between. “Aaron.” He didn’t look at me. My heart sank in my chest at the realization. “They still hurt, don’t they?” Silence still. “Answer me, baby.”

“I don’t…” He gulped back tears. “I don’t know what to say.”

I sat up on the desk to get a better look at him while he hid the towel away, then stood up straight in order to change shirts. I wanted to apologize for ripping the purple one open. But I found that I couldn’t move or speak. He was stretching to pull the sleeves off, wincing as he did so, then he grabbed the red shirt from his go-bag, and started to carefully put it on.

“Come here,” I said, beckoning him closer with one finger. He sighed and stepped towards me. I started buttoning his shirt up for him. “You should’ve told me sooner.”

“I know.”

“We promised to never lie to each other.”

“I know.”

“So, then, why?”

His lip quivered and his eyes reddened. “Because I didn’t want to lose you, too... Turns out closing myself off in order to protect you only ruined everything.”

I finished buttoning his shirt. “I thought you learned that lesson when you first asked me out.”

Back then, when I first joined the team, Hotch entirely ignored me in order to protect me from his feelings. He didn’t think it was appropriate to let me know that he was in love with me. He thought that pushing me away was the only way to save me from him. What he failed to realize was that his decisions only worried me. I became obsessed with his change in behavior. Finally, I broke after Elle’s hostage situation in Texas, so I confronted him. That evening, we admitted that we had feelings for each other, and he took me out to dinner. The rest was history. But that was exactly why we didn’t keep secrets from each other, and we didn’t push each other away. I needed him to comfort me ever since Foyet attacked me— Actually, I wanted to comfort him. Bur he never gave me the chance. He pushed me away again, and it tore me down to nothing.

“I told you I’m sorry.”

I got off the desk and collected my panties and pants at the same time he grabbed his boxers and pants. We finished getting dressed simultaneously. As I hopped and shimmied into my pants, I looked at Hotch. “Can we start over? Pretend like the past month never happened?”

“And do what?” he asked while fixing his tie.

“Be us.”

His gaze snapped to meet mine. “I’d love that.”

“You can’t hide up in your office all day, and you can’t shut me out… You can’t keep sleeping in Jack’s room… You have to talk to me.”

He shuffled on the balls of his feet.

“Fine, you don’t have to talk to me, but you have to start going to therapy again.”

“It’s a waste of time and money, Y/N.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“I’m not going to sit on a couch and tell some stranger that I miss my son so much I can’t breathe! I’m not going to tell them that I think about how I snapped at you and it almost makes me wish Foyet killed me—”

“Don’t fucking say that,” I hissed. “Ever.”

“You wanted me to talk to you, right? Well, that’s how I feel.”

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to diffuse the tension building in my chest and shoulders. We had just made up; I didn’t want to start arguing with him again. “Okay… Like I said, you don’t have to talk to me… But at least try one more session. You stopped going after we lost Jack and Haley, and I think that’s a big part of why things blew up the way they did. Just one. For me. If you don’t like it, then I won’t make you go again. I think you’ll find it’s helpful, though.”

Hotch sighed, too. “Just one.”

“Just one,” I agreed while nodding.

“Okay.”

I jumped onto my toes and kissed him. “I love you.”

Before he could say it back, there was a knock at the door. Hotch and I parted, fixing ourselves again as quickly as possible, and I returned to my seat at his desk while he went to go unlock the door. When I was settled, I gave Hotch a nod. It looked like nothing had happened between the two of us now, except for the fact that Hotch was wearing a different shirt, but hopefully no one would notice… right…

“Sorry to interrupt,” Rossi apologized from the other side of the door, “but we’ve got a new case.”

I stood from my seat and started walking towards the door to make my way to the boardroom. Hotch stopped me. He looked at Rossi, then asked if we could have another moment alone before closing the door on him. I rolled my eyes at Hotch.

“Don’t do that,” he begged, grabbing my hips in his hands. “Just sit out for one more case. That’s all. One more to collect your thoughts and get settled back in at the house.”

My hands slid around the back of his neck so that my fingers could pull at the ends of his hair gently. He moaned. I smiled and jumped up onto my toes so that I could kiss him. “I love you, Aaron Hotchner. I always have and I always will.”

He let out a breath, letting relief wash over him. “Say it again.”

“I love you. I love you so much. I’ll never stop loving you.”

He pulled me in for another desperate, passionate kiss that kept me pressed against him until I couldn’t breathe. When his lungs gave out, too, he parted from me. “I love you, too.” And then he raced off to be a superhero again.

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criminal minds family: @peggy1999 @gorgeousdarkangel @alex--awesome--22 @oceaneblu @brithedemonspawn @absolutemarveltrash @bshelley322

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #aaron hotchner #Aaron Hotch Hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner imagines #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner smut

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janetbrown711 · 4 years ago

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“ there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe” yakko dot Wakko

“What do you mean we can’t stay here anymore Yakko?” Wakko asked his older brother. Yakko sighed heavily. Wakko was six years old now, and Yakko had originally hoped that meant he’d be able to get a grip on things and make his life easier, but his hopes were in vain.

“I mean the orphanage is being shut down by King Salazar, so we have to go somewhere else,” Yakko rubbed his forehead as he folded blankets and put them into bags.

“Why? He isn’t really king, dadoo was,” Wakko frowned, and Yakko shot him a look.

“Wakko- how many times have I told you not to say things like that,” He said in a harsh whisper. Wakko lowered his head and muttered an apology. Yakko sighed. “King William and Queen Angelina the Second died two years ago, and King Salazar took his place.”

“Why does he want to shut down an orphanage? Doesn’t he have important things to do?” He asked.

“You’d think that, wouldn’t you?” Yakko scoffed. He looked at his younger siblings and sighed again.

“King Salazar isn’t a good man. He’s very greedy, and wants to put up a different shop here because he doesn’t want to fund the orphanage anymore,” Yakko explained.

“But we don’t have anywhere else to go, doesn’t he know that?” Wakko huffed and crossed his arms. Yakko tried to think of a response as his eyes went to Dot, who was running around chasing a butterfly that had gotten inside somehow.

“I know that Wak... but there isn’t anything we can do,” He shrugged and continued packing.

“There has to be something,” Wakko kicked the ground and thought.

“Wakko, there just... isn’t. Not everything can be stopped,” Yakko touched his younger brother’s shoulder. Wakko didn’t respond, looking at the ground intensely as he thought.

“C’mon Wak, we have to go,” Yakko said, tying up the blankets and what little clothes they had into one blanket that he slung around his shoulder. He called to Dot, and she ran on over, beaming up to him with the confidence and joyfulness that only a naive two-year-old could possess.

“Wak.” Yakko said, becoming impatient. Wakko sighed and kicked the ground, muttering, but Yakko didn’t particularly care, and the warners left the now empty orphanage.

“Where we go?” Dot asked her eldest brother.

“Somewhere else, but not too far, Acme Falls is home,” Yakko said, bluffing his confidence. At least he knew some of it was true; no matter what, he was never going to leave Acme Falls. His mom told him to stay there, that was where he was going to stay. He couldn’t risk him and his sibs getting recognized, he couldn’t afford to lose them too...

“I want to go back,” Wakko huffed again. Yakko groaned internally, getting very tired of the wave of moodiness that had overcome his brother.

“We can’t go back Wak, I just explained that to you,” He stated, avoiding looking at a few of the townsfolk who were shooting them looks of pity.

“I want to go home,” Wakko stomped. Yakko stepped back.

“Wakko, we don’t have a home. We don’t have anywhere to go,” Yakko said for what felt like the millionth time in two years.

“Why can’t we go back and fight for our home?!” Wakko shouted, angrier than before. Yakko’s eyes widened, and he quickly scanned to see who was watching before he pulled his brother by the collar of his shirt into an ally, and Dot followed closely behind.

“Wakko, where on earth are you getting these ideas?” Yakko harshly whispered.

“Those stupid stories you tell Dot-”

“Hey!” Dot protested but was ignored.

“-talk about brave princes who fight evil. Why can’t we? King Saladbar-”

“King Salazar is a grown-up, and very, very powerful. We couldn’t fight him if we tried.” Yakko put his foot down.

“C’mon, in Dot’s stories it’s always the little guy. We could fight him,” Wakko said proudly

“Yeah!” Dot agreed with his enthusiasm, not really grasping what he was saying.

“Not ‘yeah’ Dot, that’s a very dumb idea,” He told her.

“You said good people always fight for what's right and to protect what they love,” Wakko scowled.

“Of course they do Wakko, it’s just-”

“Then why don’t we fight?!” Wakko seemed outraged now and Yakko really, really hoped no one was listening in to any of this.

“Because you’re just a kid Wakko. You can’t fight,” Yakko said.

“Not true- I fight Dot and I win,” Wakko crossed his arms.

“She’s two, she doesn’t count,” Yakko rolled his eyes. “And besides, I am protecting you two.”

“Faboo job so far,” Wakko muttered under his breath, but Yakko heard it clear as day.

“Watch your tone Wakko or so help me-”

“Or what? You aren’t Mum or Dad,” Wakko stomped, which made Dot jump and scurry behind Yakko.

“Wakkorotti Alan Warner so help me-” Yakko felt his temperature rise with anger, but he swallowed it best as possible, bringing his fist to his mouth and attempting to take calming breaths.

“Look, I know you’re confused. I’m sorry that the orphanage closed, there’s nothing we can do about it,” He said, looking down when he saw Dot hold his hand. “Just... know that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you- either of you safe, okay? I love you guys more than anything,” Yakko said.

“If you’d do anything to protect us, then why won’t you fight Salazar, huh??? Why did you let him take away our home???”

“Why did you let Mum and Dad die?!”

Wakko’s words felt like a giant bat hit him right in the chest and left him feeling utterly speechless. He looked at Wakko and saw that tears were streaming down his face, and he covered his mouth with his hands. Yakko couldn’t look at him, and he turned around to face the back of the alley.

“Yakko?” Dot asked quietly. She was likely confused from all of the shouting, but Yakko didn’t have it in him to comfort her. He was done.

He could still see his mother in his mind, all bruised and bloodied. He remembered what her soft velvet gloves felt like against his cheek, her soft and tender kisses on his forehead, and he could still hear her cries of agony right before the gunshot that silenced her.

Guilt had wracked his mind ever since that night. At first, he hadn’t been able to sleep, he stayed up for weeks at a time, before exhaustion got to him and he was forced to sleep. He was slowly able to regain control of his guilt, with the help of the local doctor, but it still rested in the back of his mind, like a sleeping dragon.

A dragon that Wakko had just woken up.

“Y-yakko I’m sorry- I-i didn’t mean it,” Wakko was quick to apologize, but Yakko couldn’t look back at him.

He hadn’t gotten to say goodbye to his dad, but he had seen his mother. He could’ve done something, but he froze, he froze, like some idiot and he had gotten caught, and because they saw him they killed her.

It was his fault. He froze, and because of that his mother was killed.

“Y-yakko please, I’m s-so s-so sorry. I didn’t mean it- You did what you could,” Wakko was practically sobbing at his point. Yakko glanced back at him, and that confirmed his suspicion. Wakko took his glance back as an invitation to hug him, and soon Yakko was almost crushed by the strong embrace of his little brother and little sister. Yakko swallowed painfully as he felt a sob of his own get caught in his throat.

“I’m so so so s-so sor-sorry Ya-Yakko, I-i love you,” Wakko squeezed tighter. “

“I-i-” Yakko started, but he couldn’t speak. He knew his siblings didn’t understand, how could they? They were trying their darndest to comfort him, but they didn’t understand. Whether or not Wakko meant it wasn’t relevant, he was right, and the weight of that fact would rest on Yakko’s shoulders for the rest of time. Yakko began to cry.

“You're the best big brother I would ever wish for! I didn’t mean any of that! You love us a whole lot a-and we love you too, right Dot?” Wakko sniffled and looked to his two-year-old sister, who nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah! Dot loves Yakko!” She said. Yakko couldn’t help but chuckle a little at that. Dot’s way of speaking did that to him.

“Yeah! A-and I love you too! You’re the best big brother and a good prince and a good protector,” Wakko let go of him only to wipe his tears off of his own face. Yakko did the same and took in a deep breath.

“I love you two too,” Yakko said shakily. Wakko bit his lip.

“I didn’t mean it really- It’s Saladbar’s fault, not yours. He’s evil and mean and he decided to attack our home. It isn’t your fault mum and dad gone, I was being stupid,” Wakko said. Yakko nodded slowly, doing his best to take in the words. They almost sounded to elegant to be Wakko’s, but Wakko had a knack for expressing his emotions, something even he, the quote-on-quote “talkative” sibling, struggled with.

“Thank you Wak... just... don’t ever say anything like that again, okay?” Yakko asked him. Wakko nodded his head a thousand and one times.

“I promise, Yakko. I didn’t mean it. Saladbar is the one to blame, I hate him,” Wakko stated affirmatively. Yakko couldn’t help but snicker had his mispronunciation of Salazar, which made Wakko happier.

“While I usually don’t condone hatred... I’ll let it slide this one time. We can hate Salazar,” He said. Dot and Wakko beamed.

“Good, because I really, really hate him,” He said.

“Yeah! Dot hates Saladbar!” Dot shouted, raising a tiny fist in the air and giggling.

“Good,” Yakko smiled at her and took her hand. “I’m glad we all can agree on that.” He went to pick up the bag of their stuff, but Wakko took it instead, and held his brother’s other hand.

“Now, let’s go find us some shelter. There’s got to be something around here somewhere...” Yakko said, and together the little family walked out of the alleyway and began to look for somewhere where they would start the next chapter of their lives, secure in the knowledge that while they couldn’t change the past they did have each other, and that’s all that mattered.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

#animaniacs #yakko wakko and dot #wakko warner #wakkos wish #yakko warner #my fics #dot warner #angst

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himbos-hotline · 3 years ago

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Hi bestie, hope you’re doing okay!! Do you have a favorite Markiplier ego?? (And why is it the one/ones you choose?) I’m personally partial to Yancy, Wilford, and Damien, they all just scratch my brain in that perfect way <3 But I wanna know your opinion 👀

I really like them all because I find the story behind them facinating. I am patial to a few...I've been clip hunting for most of the day for this ask jgfjgdf. This is also not gonna include new egos from space part two because I still have not watched every video to the point where I can theroise and get emotional and connected to them.

without further adu

5. Yancy

...I am a simple boy. Pretty [aesthetically] mans with neck tatto who can sing and dance. My musical loving heart adores him so much. Also he pulls so much emotion from me and it feels ILLEGAL so fitting for him.

5. Illnois [joint with Yancy Pants]

I have no reasoning. I like the idea of exploring and running around and away from issues

4. Dark

The bitch stole my body and I would like it back please now sir. I didnt sign up to go to space and GIVE MY THE SHINY CRYSTAL THING BACK! I WANT TO EAT IT! I CARE NOT ABOUT WORMHOLES AND SHIT SIR! I WANNA KNOW IF IT TASTES OF BLUE RASPBERRY

3. Damien

I love him so much. I dont know why maybe its because I too would be robbed blind at poker and than killed by my former best friend because all I wanted was to protect my sister...he loves family and im softened by it.

2. William J Barnum / Wilford Warfstache

Look the acting here is impeccable and the last scene of who killed markiplier makes me sob my poor heart out to the point I have given myself a migrine while trying to act it out. And wilford too me is a really cool character to do like a phycho analysis on and I dont know why.

1 . whatever the hell mark was playing in the random encounters musicals.

again...I like musicals and I enjoy hearing mark sing and listening to the fnaf musical and resident enis is the only music I used to listen too at like 16 when I was working out too much and now i listen to the songs and fall in love with memories of showing my big sib INSTEAD of the pain my body used to feel. So yeah, its more "these characters really helped me through a tough time and I love music"

and a special metion to whatever the fuck mark was doing in the cool parole video. I just have memories of my big sibling crying with laughter when I showed them and we now regularly bully Mark [in our discord messages] over the shitty spandex...

but yeah, I dont have a FAVOURITE ego or a least favourite. I just like them all the same and admire the characerisation of them. But I have a few that I literally think about and live rent free in my head.

#mouse has pals #anons start using emojis challenge #mouse makes gifs now

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dramadeewani · 4 years ago

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Lovely Writer reaction post ep 11 - the cursed one

Disclaimer: I’m very tired while watching and writing this so hopefully it makes sense

- I haven’t enjoyed an antagonist this much in a very long time I think

- I ready to fight people for making my little shit ‘Sib sad

- Bro Gene do you really think ‘Sib doesn’t know already?

- *adds Hin to the people that needs to be protected list*

- PROMISE HIM GENE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT EP NUMBER YOU’ER IN!

- Okay whew

- Selfish?!?!? SELFISH?!?!

- Yeah okay sure why not start bawling when Gene said he couldn’t fall asleep? Maybe I should have watched this when I was more rested... I need a minute before I continue

- Tiffy I don’t care how attractive you are I might have to fight you too for siding with Aey

- The actors are not the characters sis

- Okay now I need a moment to be mad because this is not some made up shit, this shit goes on in real life too and it shouldn’t. Actors don’t owe us anything. Companies need to stop this shipping real people shit to sell the show too. Shippers need to separate reality and fiction

- I love my little shit ‘Sib

- Also I swear to god Gene if you cave...

- GENE NO what did I just say?!?!

- Bhad me gaya tera series aur tera profits (I think that’s how it’s spelled, it’s late, I’m tired and sleepy)

- Gene bro you’re breaking my heart here you promised GENE NO COMEBACK

- *pauses to wipe tears and blow noes*

- I don’t know why I bothered to do that because I’m crying again because of Gene and that pink dragon so...

- “Can this be our ending?, no more next chapter okay?” let me breath a little here between my sobs song lyrics

- God there’s still more

- Yeah sure why not add Gene’s dad making me cry to the list too

#lovely writer #reaction post #that was exhausting #my head hurts from crying #I get dramatic when I'm sleep deprived #so sorry about that #good night #spoilers

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mudwingpropaganda · 5 years ago

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Dragon Tears

“Dragons don’t cry” is not simply just a cultural statement made up by the hostility of the dragon world. There’s a “biology” that somewhat supports this cause.

The way I learned how tears work, there are essentially vials in your brain full of juice. They have different flavors depending on which emotion vial they’re in. But when you feel an immense emotion, the juices begin to fill and overflow, and that overflow leaks from your eyes. But because dragons aren’t exactly human, and still need to behave like animals, aggressive and territorial and confident, there is a distinct difference between their emotions and ours.

Dragons vials are essentially much bigger. These emotions motivate them to go in for the kill on prey, to defend their territory and their loved ones with their possible last breaths, and to cope with death and disappointment because this world is hostile and dragons need to kill other dragons to survive.

So when a dragon cries, they’re at their very limit, defenseless and brokenhearted to all ends.

It’s a popularized tradition between the most hardcore of dragon parents to discourage their children from crying. If they cry too often, their vials will never grow to their massive dragon sizes, and they will overflow much too often and prevent their dragonets from seeing clearly once they’ve reached adulthood. Because aside from showing emotional weakness, crying is also visually impairing, and dangerous if you get worked up in a fight for your own life.

Different dragon tribes tend to have different tolerances for emotional overflow:

IceWings are outright forbidden from crying. Simply shedding a tear over an insult that truly hit deeply is cause for a drop between circles. Dragonets learn early that there is no place for tears in their tribe, unless you desire to be outcast to the very outer circles of the IceWing kingdom.

SandWings come closely behind. Aside from crying being a surefire way to show obvious weakness in the harsh and ruthless dunes, SandWings are also superstitious that tears are the quickest way to suffering from heat exhaustion and further, heat stroke, as the body releases essential salts and liquid in your body.

Due to the longstanding air of mystery and superiority, NightWings have strong opinions about tears. There are legends rooted in NightWing tears being valuable in alchemy and scrying arts (heheh. s-crying) so unless their dragons cry for the bigger picture, crying is punished. Especially in front of other tribes. (The resurgence in mindreaders, however, bring a newfound appreciation for tears, and growing the kingdom alongside RainWings helps break NightWings of this emotionally concealing identity.)

SkyWings were once historically significant for their arts, especially preforming arts. Back then, forcing tears upon your snout on stage was considered art. During the bloody escalation of SkyWing queens like Scarlet, crying was similarly considered a weakness, though, more common at their high altitudes and smoky enviornments, so most crying was pardoned, and is being pardoned as they revert back to their artistic traditions.

MudWings are somewhat lax about tears. Though, to gather the respect of other tribes, they tended to avoid tearing up when other tribes were around during the SWS. MudWings are more emotionally vulnerable and trust their sibs to cry in front of. Though, not all sibs are as accepting of expressions of emotion.

SeaWings don’t quite punish tears, as they’re traditionally drenched and water drips off them anyway. But sobbing in front of superiors is disgraceful and almost a sense of disloyalty. Only royalty may publicly cry, as popularized by Queen Coral’s devastation over her daughters and husband.

RainWings are about the only emotionally accepting tribe on Pyrrhia. Their emotions are quite literally always on their sleeves, so they see no point in discouraging crying. They’re a better tribe at comforting and sympathizing, despite Queen Glory’s original fear of vulnerability.

I don’t know enough about canon Pantalan tribes. I imagine, from my own personal headcanons, that because the Pantala tribes are so much smaller than Pyrrhian tribes, they cry more often. Though, they don’t typically do, due to their relative luxury. (Again, in my headcanon the Tree Wars, the slavery, that’s all going to be overwritten.) The bug tribes don’t cry often but are capable of it, and are not necessarily looked down upon for it. LeafWings, on the other hand, have more diverse uses for their tears, due to their unnatural, plant-like attributes. As a result, crying is a more thrilling process, to see if they reflect saps, amber, nectors, or anything of the like, if they change with their emotions. Sticky tears are harder to hide, as well, so most LeafWings don’t mention them unless the individual brings it up.

In the end, the reaction tears get depend on the individual. Like our reality, crying in front of other people is embarrassing, and that’s tenfold for dragon society. It’s still interesting to consider, however.

#wings of fire #wingsoffire #wof headcanons

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harrypotterhogwartshitpost · 4 years ago

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A Thoroughly Modern Mystery, by @harrypotterhogwartsshitpost

Overview: A modern day twist on a hogwarts mystery story.

Episode Twelve: Curse

It’s a hot summer night in a small town in muggle Georgia. A girl, around twelve, sits in her bed, clutching her pillow in tears. Panic! at the Disco plays on a cheap speaker. She screams along and the tears begin to flow harder. She holds her pillow as tight as possible, shaking. She wants to go back but she can’t. She finally got a taste of a better life, and she can’t go back to it.

Not that her life right now is all that bad. She stays in a decent house, she has her own bedroom, plenty of food. Her uncle loves her very much and tries his best to take care of her. But there’s something- someone missing. Someone that all the money in the world (which she pretty much has) can’t replace. A constant empty feeling inside of her.

“Hey Victoria, I got some letters from your magic school.” A man opens the door, sitting the letters on the edge of the bed and leaving. He doesn’t have the means to get involved right now. He knows it’s best to give her her time.

She goes to open the letters. There’s two. The first one reads

“Wotcher Vic! I hope you’re having a good summer in America. I asked my mother what it’s like there, but she didn’t answer… I think mum said I’m supposed to go to the burrow for a few days soon. I spend a lot of time there. I’m sure you can come too if you have the time! The Weasley’s love company! … I think… Hope you write back soon, Tonks.”

She smiles a little at the letter, folding it back up and sliding it into its envelope before opening the second letter.

“Hey Victoria! How’s your summer? I told my father you live with muggles and he has like a thousand questions. He loves muggle things, he even keeps an old muggle car behind the house. Mum isn’t a fan, but I don’t think he’s gonna get rid of it. Tonks is supposed to stay for a few days soon, she does that every once in a while. I’m sure you could come too if you have time... Mum loves having company! Oh! And Bill says “Hi” as well! Write back soon! Charlie!”

She smiles again, Charlie’s letter even has a little heart at the end. She puts the letter back in the envelope. Those are her best friends at Hogwarts. She met them while waiting for the sorting ceremony, and they've been practically inseparable since. She tries to get up to write them back, to tell them she was super excited to receive their letters but cheer tryouts are next week so she can’t visit, but she doesn’t have the energy, instead she finds herself laying on her listening to My Chemical Romance.

“Vic! Vic! Victoria!!”

Victoria jumps a little, and she’s back in her dorm room, alone, under the black lake. She’s clutching her pillow and tears are streaming down her face. Blink-182 plays in the background

Charlie walks in, sitting down on the end of the bed.

Charlie: Are you okay? Bill says you never showed up to investigate the curse with Rakepick. He’s worried sick.

Victoria can’t give him an answer, instead she just keeps crying. Her eyelids start to feel heavy as hot tears fall down her cheeks, blurring the picture of Charlie sitting in front of her.

Charlie: It's okay Victoria.

Charlie tries to comfort her.

Charlie: Deep breaths, okay? Deep breaths. What’s wrong?

Victoria takes a few deep breaths. She feels her lip quiver as she tries to hold back the tears. After a few more breaths she’s able to force out a few barely audible words.

Victoria: I- I- I could- I- I- couldn’t- couldn’t go.

She immediately starts sobbing again as her head fills with thoughts.

Charlie: Why?

Victoria: J-J- Ja- J- Jacob.

Charlie: Wh-

Her voice is shaky. Sniffles and unsuccessfully held back sobs interrupt her sentences.

Victoria: J-J-Jacob fell victim to- to- to- to a- a- a- a curse, th- th- tha- th-that’s how he disa- disappeared, I know- I know he did.

Charlie: No one’s seen or heard from Jacob in year’s, how could he?

She sniffles big, attempting to stop snot from dripping out of her nose.

Victoria: He-he told me. He speaks- he speaks to- to- to me in my head- in my head sometimes.

Victoria: He’s in th-th-the portrait vault. I could- I- I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go- go- g- go look at someone else’s sibling, tr- tra- tr- trapped li- like Jacob.

Charlie: That’s understandable Victoria.

Charlie reaches and wipes Victoria’s tears with this sleeve.

Charlie: It’s completely understandable.

Victoria: I’m the- I’m the curse.

Charlie: What?

Victoria: I’m the curse. I’m the- the reason people got frozen, sleepwalked into the- the forest, got sucked into a- a- a- portrait. my own friends, and- and- and their sib- siblings.

Victoria: Ben was- was stuck in cursed i- ice all year... Bill got frozen to, but I happened to be there to finish off the-the-the vault and- and unfreeze him. Tu- Tu- Tulip sleepwalked into the forest, now Be- Bea- Be- Beatrice, P-P- Penny’s sister is in a portrait. It sucks knowing Jacob is- is like that, but for Penny to-to- to be here- to be here when it happened, to get to wi- witness it, I can’t imagine...

Her tears start to flow harder, her words become practically inaudible.

Victoria: May-may- maybe everyone wa- w- wa-was right my first year... I should- shou- sh- shouldn’t be allowed at- at- at- at Hogwarts...

Charlie: Victoria, that’s not true and you know it...Jacob got into some dangerous business while he was at Hogwarts, and that’s not your fault. All you’re doing is correcting the wrong he did. Now, what’s going on with all this? Are you going to be okay?

Victoria: Remember right after our- our first year ended, you sent me a- a letter.

Charlie: Yeah...

Victoria: Tonks sent a- a letter too, they arrived at the- at the same time. I was reliving that day. This- this playlist was playing, I was clutching my- my pillow crying like that.

Victoria: I’m sorry I never responded to- to your letter Charlie. I wanted to. I really did, I promise, but I never found the- the energy to leave my bed and write one- write one back. I was so upset the school year was- the school year was over, all my friends were- we- were gone. I missed my dorm, my classes, my- my friends, Jacob...

Charlie: It’s okay Victoria, that was years ago, it doesn’t matter anymore, what matters is you’ve grown since then, and things have gotten better. Now come here.

Victoria sits up and hugs Charlie.

Charlie stands up and picks up Victoria.

Victoria: Damn, you can- you can carry me?

Charlie: I don’t know what you think I do in my free time.

Victoria: Wh- where are we going?

Charlie: You’ll see.

Before she knows it she's Charlie’s dorm. Bill is sitting on Charlie’s bed, he looks really worried. Charlie sits Victoria down next to him.

Bill: Victoria! Are you okay!

She’s still crying, but it’s a softer, quieter cry now.

Victoria: I-I- guess.

Charlie: I figured it’d be good for her to be somewhere where she can get some real light, instead of being stuck in the dungeon under the lake. She can sleep in my bed tonight.

Victoria looks up at Charlie

Victoria: I love you.

Charlie: I love you too Victoria.

Bill: Are you okay Victoria? Why didn’t you show up to investigate the curse?

Victoria: Can we talk about this later? I’m exhausted and I just want to sleep.

Bill: Yes, of course.

Victoria holds onto Bill tight, wrapping her arms and legs around him, nuzzling her head into the crick of his neck. The feeling of being so close to him instantly makes everything seem a little better. She feels safe enough to let out the rest of her tears out onto his old t-shirt, while he rubs her back gently.

Victoria: I love you Bill.

Bill: I love you too.

She stays in his arms for a while, not talking, just enjoying his embrace as he plays with her hair. Eventually she begins to yawn.

Bill: You sleepy?

Victoria yawns again

Victoria: No.

Bill smiles.

Bill: I’ve already learned what that really means.

He sits her down in front of him and starts to get up.

Bill: Good night Victoria. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Victoria’s voice is sleepy.

Victoria: Goodnight.

Charlie: It is getting near bedtime.

Victoria moves over, giving Charlie room to join her

Victoria: Can we cuddle-

Charlie: You don’t even need to ask.

Victoria rolls over, wrapping her arms and legs around Charlie, spooning him.

Victoria kisses his ear softly and begins to play with his hair.

Charlie rolls over, facing her. He kisses her slowly, pulling her in closer. Victoria feels unexplainably safe in his arms.

Charlie: Are you feeling better?

Victoria: Yeah.

Charlie: Is everything going to be okay?

Victoria: I think so?

Charlie: You sure? I know how it gets sometimes.

Victoria: Yeah. Yeah it is. It’s already starting to pass. The um- the emptiness, the sadness- the self loathing and self doubt, all of the ‘what ifs’, they’re passing.

Charlie: That’s good. And if there’s ever anything I can do, please just tell me.

Victoria smiles a little. Charlie smiles back at her. After a moment they kiss, softly.

Victoria: Do you think Percy knows?

Charlie: Hmmm?

Victoria: That we smoke weed? I mean maybe he knows more than we think? He knew about me and Bill, and he did call you a ‘drug-addict’ the other day.

Charlie: I’m not sure what that really has to do with anything right now, but absolutely not. He’s the least chill person ever. He would have definitely told mum and probably the authorities. He was just talking about my mood stabilizers, ya know, that keep me sane.

Victoria: I was just thinking about it and some of the other things he said while I was kinda zoned out. But yeah, Percy’s kinda an ass.

Charlie: You’re right, he is an ass, and so is his rat.

Victoria: I just can’t believe he’s so mean to you.

Charlie: It is what it is. I try not to let it bother me too much.

Victoria: Good, you shouldn’t. You’re perfect, no matter what Percy and his rat say.

Charlie rolls his eyes and laughs a little.

Charlie: Yeah yeah yeah...

There’s a beat before they kiss again, and again, and again…

Victoria pulls back.

Victoria: You’re the best best friend.

Charlie smiles.

Charlie: Yeah...

He kisses her again.

(Next ->)

(<- Previous)

#hogwarts mystery #hphm #harry potter hogwarts mystery #harrypotterhogwartsshitpost #a thoroughly modern mystery

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trensu · 5 years ago

Text

Episode 50: The One with the Greatest Family Reunion(s) of All Time

so we start the ep with nhs's truly oscar-worthy performance which results in jgy getting stabbed

And i cheer for both the performance AND the stabbing!!!

lxc has his eyes closed bc that's his coping mechanism when times get tough

lol lxc is like I TOLD YOU I WASN'T GONNA HOLD BACK IF YOU DID ONE MORE BAD THING

and jgy is like i know!! that's why i haven't done one more bad thing!!!!

everyone's faces are like sure jan

but then they look at nhs like, wait a minute...

jgy is like why are you looking at him? you're not gonna see anything! i didn't see anything all these years and i'm smarter and sneakier than all of you!!!

okay, he didn't say that last part but it was def implied

jgy: nhs, good for you. i didn't expect that you would be my downfall.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQ--uhhh, NIE HUAISANG!!

nhs hasn't broken character either! He needs to join a theater troupe or smth with those skills.

blah blah lxc and jgy are having Feelings blah blah blah lxc is conflicted blah

hm, those Feelings are becoming rather Dramatique

ugh jgy just let it go and die already

jgy: have I ever done you wrong?

UM?? how about KILLING his little brother's soulmate?

which resulted in him having to watch his little brother suffer extreme physical punishment and then grieve for years after??

PRETTY SURE THAT HURT LXC QUITE A LOT

Jgy: now you won't even give me a chance to live?

I THINK THE FUCK NOT!!!

oh we're getting some not so great special effects and jgy drags lxc to the coffin and then bleeds all over it, gross

ooooh, the Temple of Doom is starting to fall apart

lwj makes a move towards lxc but wwx grabs his arm and stops him!

bc it's dangerous to get too close and wwx is protective of his soulmate!!

jc starts the evacuation bc hello the building is crumbling and he gets everyone out except the lan bros, wwx and jgy

Jgy: stay and die with me

FUCK YOU JGY

but lxc was ready and willing to do that, so jgy shoves him back bc why the hell not

(we're gonna ignore how awkward that particular maneuver was, we already know special effects are not a priority in this show)

Jgy's like lets emotionally torment lxc some more, just for kicks, bc I'm an ASSHOLE

lwj catches his brother and he is Concerned.

Eventually our lan bros and wwx flee the temple and jgy has one last meltdown before getting crushed LIKE THE MAGGOT HE IS

Now we cut to a shot of all our crew standing outside

and we see my bratty son slowly fall to his knees with a look of UTTER SORROW AND PAIN ON HIS FACE

Bc he was BETRAYED by his nice uncle

MY POOR SON!!

we get reaction shots from wwx and the lan bros

(wwx continues to be beautiful even when sad)

oh, now lxc and nhs are having a moment sitting on the steps of the temple

lxc asks nhs if jgy really had made a move

nhs is like, you questioning me is making me doubt everything! idk idk!!

even amidst his grief he takes a moment to be completely exasperated by NHS's catchphrase lolol

now we cut to wwx sitting on a different set of stairs, carefully fiddling with his demon flute and he looks up to see jc watching him and HE SMILES

BC THAT'S HIS LITTLE BROTHER!!

AND THEY'RE ALL STILL MIRACULOUSLY ALIVE AFTER THAT HOT MESS!!

oooh, he's unwrapping his sleeve and we get a flash of his bare forearm

how scandalous! you're gonna give lwj vapors, wwx

We see the very last cut on his arm fade away bc finally mxy has been avenged

AND WWX SMILES AGAIN!!

cut to jc and jl watching wwx smile

bc i mean, who wouldn't be captivated by wwx's smile?

PEOPLE YOU CAN'T TRUST, THAT'S WHO

none of the sect leaders before were captivated by that smile AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!!!

oh that smile didn't stick around for long bc we hear barking!!

wwx gets this panicked wide-eyed expression that mAKES ME WANNA HIDE HIM AND PROTECT HIM FROM THE WORLD

But I also don't want to get murdered by LWJ's death glare so I'll just let him hide and protect wwx...

omg my bratty son looks SO HAPPY and shouts "fairy!!" before running towards his doggy friend

i'm not much of a dog person, tbh, but MY BRATTY SON IS SO HAPPY

and fairy did bring a whole crew of cultivators...

too little too late, some smart spiritual dog he is, lololol

we've got lan disciples, and jiang disciples and all these people swarming around our crew, fussing over them.

it's kind of sweet except i notice that no one's approached my bratty son

he is, in fact, ALL ALONE with fairy and i am OFFENDED on his behalf

not that my bratty son seems to mind

he's too wrapped up in his doggy reunion to notice BUT I NOTICED SO I'LL BE OFFENDED ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US

wwx is smiling as he sees lwj and jc being fussed over by their respective disciples

so cute so CUTE, I love his smiles so much

lwj stands up and greets his uncle with a stately bow

god he's elegant and regal af, how the hell does he do it

but his uncle's a douchebag and barely acknowledges him before turning to leave and lwj watches him go, kind of hurt, kind of surprised

ooooh, now we get a shot of jc watching wwx as he gets questioned by oyzz

Oyzz is like what happened? Are you hurt? Is everyone okay??

and we can see wwx is still smiling!! BC MY BOY IS MADE OF SUNSHINE OKAY

awwwww

jl looks up with an ADORABLE smile on his face and tells fairy to wait outside

HE TAKES FAIRY OUTSIDE BC HE KNOWS WWX IS AFRAID OF DOGS!!!

My bratty son is actually very sweet!!

jc starts to leave the scene (and it's only until now that he stops staring at wwx btw) and wwx watches him go 😔

cut to a shot of lwj blatantly staring at wwx as per usual

wwx looks up and meets his gaze

they get lost in each other for a bit bc when DON'T they?

We’re at the steps of the temple again and we see nhs pick up jgy's crumpled up hat looking all contemplative

oops, nhs's fingers come away from the hat all tacky with blood, yuck

cut to my bratty son running back into the temple where all the cultivators are inspecting stuff and he asks ljy where wwx is

HE'S ASKING AFTER MY SUNSHINE BOY!

Y'know, his not-evil, not-angry uncle?

ljy tells him that he and hanguang jun left after they brought them lil apple

lol, the idea of ljy and oyzz dragging lil apple along just to return him to wwx cracks me up

jl tells ljy to take care of fairy for him before he dashes off to find his new uncle

BUT JC STOPS HIM?? "don't chase after them"

look at jc being all Cool leaning against that tree

in his fashionable robes

with his awesome sword tucked in the crook of his elbow

jl throws one last glance at the direction wwx and lwj left, and then joins jc under the tree

jc is like, they're long gone kid

jl: so that's it? you're letting them leave just like that??

jc: what else? invite them to stay for dinner? say thank you and then i am sorry??

lol, he's working himself up into a snit already

But also, like, MY BRATTY SON HAS A GOOD HEART, OKAY??

he just hides it under bluster bc he's sensitive and people are mean to him all the time!

HE WANTED TO CONNECT WITH WWX (AND MAYBE LWJ??) NOW THAT THIS WAS ALL OVER

AND HE WOULD'VE DONE IT IF NOT FOR JC BEING ALL HUNG UP ON HIS ISSUES STILL

not that i hold that against jc, that's a lot of emotional trauma he's gotta work through

LOL JL IS NOT GONNA LET HIMSELF BE COWED BY HIS UNCLE BC WHEN DOES HE EVER?

JL: it was exactly bc of the way you were acting that they took off! you're such a pain in the neck!!

AND THEN HE POUTS AND FALLS INTO A CROUCH WITH HIS ARMS CROSSED AND STARTS SULKING UP A STORM

I LOVE MY BRATTY SON SO MUCH

JC: IS THAT HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SPEAK TO YOUR ELDERS? ARE YOU ASKING TO GET DISCIPLINED??

these two crack me up every time, i swear

but the whole corporal punishment is...problematic

jc raises his arm to smack jl and jl ducks and raises his own arm to block the blow and i'm sitting here like, yikes

but then we get a shot of jc's open palm, out of focus with a crisp backdrop of red leaves from the tree they're under

and his hand is just held there, stilled for just a moment before the fingers start to gently curl inward and the strike never happens (thank god)

jc: lets go home, jin ling. let everyone go back to the place where they belong

he walks off with jin ling springing to his feet and chasing after him a beat later

jl: was there something you wanted to say to wwx?

have i mentioned i love my bratty son? BECAUSE I DO. A LOT.

jc: no, there isn't.

jl: bullshit!

I LOVE HIM!! WHAT A MOUTHY BRAT 💜

JL: i saw it with my own eyes! you wanted to talk to wwx! but you didn't say a word just now or back in the temple!

jc: there is nothing to say

jl: bullshit! you had something to say!

while this entire exchange is happening we see jc marching ahead, not looking at jl at all, but jl is walking backwards eyes pinned to his face the entire time

bc my son might be a brat but he's also pretty observant and he KNOWS his uncle

AND NOW WE GET A FLASHBACK

WE GET A BIG REVEAL

we're back at “the ones where we gross sob FOREVER”

and wwx is telling jc to stay put at the inn while he goes to get food and meds

his voice all weak and tremulous

but jc steps out of the inn for a moment after wwx leaves

AND SEES THAT THE WEN FLUNKIES CAUGHT SIGHT OF HIS BROTHER!!

they were like three feet away from grabbing his big brother

and he says internally, "take care. i'm leaving jyl in your hands"

AND I'M CRYING BC THEY'RE PLAYING THAT MUSIC

THAT SWEET TENDER MUSIC THEY PLAY WHENEVER JYL AND HER BROTHERS HAVE A MOMENT

Jc goes and causes a distraction and lets himself be caught by the wens

SO THAT HIS BIG BROTHER AND BIG SISTER COULD STAY SAFE

I'M CRYING I'M CRYING

MY YUNMENG SIBS, MY POOR YUNMENG SIBS!!

WHY DID THEY HAVE TO SUFFER SO??

WHY WERE THEY SO DAMN SELF-SACRIFICING???

WHY THE HELL COULDN'T THEY LEARN TO COMMUNICATE BETTER???

cut back to the present, and jc's eyes are welled up with tears

he has a hurt little smile on his face, he says, "take care"

softly, mostly to himself

after a moment, he turns to jin ling and says "lets go"

and we watch them leave

I just want them all to be a BIG HAPPY FAMILY DAMN IT

cut to the next scene, we hear ~THEIR SONG~ start playing in the background all slow and soft

i love the overhead shot we get of them surrounded by the gorgeous foliage, it's so peaceful

As wwx and lwj walk slowly and at ease with lil apple between them

AND MY HEART FEELS SO TENDER AND FULL OMG

lwj: wei ying

he says it all seriously. wwx looks at him and he's got A BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE

bc he's looking at his soulmate!!!

who wouldn't smile when looking at their soulmate???

he's cheerfully twirling his flute bc finally all is right in the world!

the mystery is solved, his loved ones are safe

and he's traveling with lwj and lil apple

nothing could be better!

wwx: whats up?

lwj is pointedly not looking at him

lwj: there is something that I…

and here he stops in his tracks, and wwx stops with him

lwj: i didn't tell you.

wwx gets all playful and leans on lil apple, and waggles his demon flute and lwj

wwx: what is it?

Look at that mischievous grin!!

he's all prepared to tease the heck out of lwj for whatever he's about to say LOL

but they're interrupted!!

wen ning and lan sizhui are running after them and wwx notices

LOLOL

His face scrunches up and he mutters under his breath like, damn it! every time!! these two are fast!

wwx: sizhui, why are you following us? aren't you afraid of old master lan calling you out?

MY SUNSHINE BOY IS SMILING SO MUCH THIS EPISODE, I'M SO HAPPY!!!

lsz: i have something important to ask you!

he's all out of breath!

wwx turns to look at lwj eyes wide and curious before going back to lsz

wwx: what is it?

lsz goes on to explain how he's been remembering things but he's unsure of stuff so he wanted to ask them about it

wwx looks confused and glances at lwj

lwj just looks back at him briefly before his eyes flick down

wwx: what is it that you want to know?

lsz looks down and, like, gathers up the strength needed for this next line of questioning.

with the sweetest smile, and the softest eyes he starts listing stuff

like how he knew a cocky chef who was actually a terrible cook

(wwx laughs confusedly at this)

and how that man planted him in a field and told him he'd grow faster with some watering and sunlight

AND WE GET A FLASHBACK OF LITTLE A-YUAN PLOPPED IN THE DIRT GETTING BURIED BY WWX

he goes on to say how that man would play with him

and how he had invited hunguang jun for a meal and then didn't pick up the tab so hanguang jun had to pay

There we get a flashback to their meal at the yiling wine house!

we cut back to the present and WWX'S FACE IS STUNNED, EYES WELLING UP WITH TEARS, AND LSZ IS GETTING CHOKED UP AS HE TELLS HIM THINGS

AND WWX'S BREATHING GETS SHAKY

BC LSZ TELLS HIM HIS SURNAME IS WEN

wwx blinks rapidly, not believing what he's hearing

wwx: wen was your surname? isn't lan your surname?

wwx: lan sizhui, lan yuan.. A-yuan?

AND OH GOD HIS FACE, HIS FACE

His eyebrows are furrowed

His eyes are full of tears!

he's looking at lsz like this has to be a dream bc it's too good to be true

Lsz nods jerkily

AND I'M TRYING TO HOLD BACK TEARS

HOW THE HELL IS LWJ WATCHING THIS ALL GO DOWN WITHOUT CRYING??

he's watching his son so intently

he's seeing his two most precious people reunite

and there are no tears??

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

HE'S VERY OBVIOUSLY MOVED BY THIS BUT NOT CRYING

MEANWHILE MY FACE IS A FREAKING RIVER OF EMOTION

lsz: i...i am a-yuan

and his voice all cracked with feeling

wwx huffs and is still shaky

wwx: didn't a-yuan pass away already?

he's thought his kid was dead this whole time

MY HEART, MY HEART

lwj had been staring at lsz this whole time but when he hears wwx say that, his gaze drops to the ground

HE FEELS ASHAMED (AS HE SHOULD BE!!) BC HE DIDN'T TELL WWX SOONER

wwx turns to lwj, hope and tentative joy in his voice

wwx: lan zhan, was it you?

lwj meets his gaze and says yes, his voice steady and firm

lwj: this was the thing i haven't told you about

Yeah, i know, i’ve been YELLING AT YOU ABOUT IT THIS WHOLE TIME

and wwx looks back at lsz, breath choppy and lsz flings himself into wwx's arms!!!

I AM SOBBING

lsz: i really missed you, i really missed you

THEY'RE BOTH CRYING AND CLINGING TO EACH OTHER SO HARD

OH GOD I NEED TISSUES

wwx laughs and sniffles

wwx: silly boy, why are you crying?

AS IF YOUR FACE ISN'T STREAMING WITH TEARS, WWX

lsz pulls back and scrubs his face in his sleeve

lsx: i wasn't crying. i was just feeling really sad and yet thrilled at the same time

YOU TWO STOP DENYING YOUR TEARS

IF I HAVE TO SIT IN A PUDDLE OF MY TEARS THEN YOU HAVE TO OWN UP TO YOUR OWN TEARS, YOU HEAR ME??

lsz: i couldn't put it into words

lwj: then don't

pffft, ofc lwj would be the one advocating for LESS WORDS lololol

wwx laughs at that

wwx: that's right. no need to say anything

then he starts his theatrics, bc he wouldn't be wwx without his theatrics

he leans on lil apple and rubs his own shoulder

wwx: damn, you little ones are strong, you are indeed a student of hanguang jun

he looks at lwj and points his demon flute at him

HE'S SO HAPPY

lwj: he is a student of yours as well

omg lwj delivers this line so sincerely

like, there was barely a pause between what wwx and what lwj responded with

he's so freaking earnest

LOL wwx straightens up at that and reaches for lsz

wwx: no wonder he is such a handsome boy!

Wwx, you are SHAMELESS

He giggles as he pats lsz’s face, it’s freaking adorable

lsz: master wei didn't teach me anything!

wow lsz, you've had your other dad back for all of five minutes and you're already sassing him?

he truly is wwx's son lol

wwx: i did! it was bc you were so little and you forgot

You’re sounding a bit defensive there, wwx...

lsz: yes, i seem to recall. i remember now

wwx immediately starts preening

wwx: you see. i've mentored him!

lsz: for example, switching the portrait of a beauty into--

wwx slams his hand over lsz's mouth, HIS FACE IS A PICTURE OF PANIC

LOLOLOL

lwj's eyes have widened slightly and developed an edge of Judgement

wn peeks at lwj out of the corner of his eyes like he's trying to gauge his reaction or smth lolol

wwx laughs awkwardly and takes his hand off lsz's mouth to shake a finger at him, wearing a tight smile on his face

lsz: and when a pretty lady passes by--

wwx: NONSENSE!!!

LOL I'M D Y I N G

wwx shouts this at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS to drown out lsz

he whirls on him pointing an accusatory finger and marches towards him as lsz scrambles back

wwx: nonsense! how come you're remembering these kinds of things? how could i teach little kids these things?

LOL HE'S TALKING SO FAST

lsz: you did! wen ning can testify!

wow, way to throw your uncle under the bus, lsz

kids these days have no filial piety!

wwx: there's nothing for wen ning to testify!

OMG WN AND LWJ IN THE BACKGROUND 🤣🤣🤣

as soon as lsz draws attention to him, wn looks at lsz like WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

and lwj side-eyes wen ning SO HARD, like what the hell did you let wwx teach my son?

wwx: stop talking nonsense! i am telling you, little boy. lan zhan, what did you teach him?

AND WE GET THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SHOT OF LWJ HERE

as soon as wwx turns to him with his wild accusations, lwj gets this delightfully crooked smile on his face

and he looks down as if there's TOO MUCH JOY IN HIS HEART that he can't bear to watch for long

GOD THIS IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE.

and this marks, what, THE THIRD? the third time lwj smiles in public, all OUT IN THE OPEN?

I'M DYING, I'M DYING

wwx: when a-yuan was little and with me, he was a good boy!

lsz: it's the truth!

wwx: nonsense!

wwx: do you see that pit? no matter how big you've become, i will still plant you into that pit. understand?

lsz has a big grin on his face

wwx: what are you laughing at? you dumb boy!

AND THEN LSZ DROPS TO THE GROUND AND HUGS WWX'S LEG LIKE HE USED TO WHEN HE WAS A TODDLER

AND EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL IN THE WORLD

wwx laughs to himself and lwj still has a small smile playing across his lips as he watches his son

wwx: a-yuan, you are too old for this

AS IF HE'S NOT LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT

wwx: do you remember, you used to grab hanguang jun's leg when you were little, just like this?

so many wonderful flashbacks of little a-yuan clinging to his parents’ legs!!

oh god, oh god, my heart, my heart is going to explode from all the tender feelings!! Look at their faces

wwx's mouth slowly curls into a smile before it grows INTO A FLASH OF HIS SQUINTY-EYED SMILE

you know the one!

the one that stretches SO BIG WITH HAPPINESS IT LIGHTS UP THE WHOLE WORLD?? YEAH, THAT ONE

and then we cut to lwj's face

he has the softest expression on his face

he's got this gentle, tiny smile, the slightest of curves at the corners of his mouth

and in his eyes are SO FULL OF LOVE AND WARMTH as he watches his soulmate smile at him with their son clinging to his soulmate's leg

AND I MUST'VE DIED AND GONE TO THE GOOD PLACE BC THIS IS JUST TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BE REAL

now we cut to a different scene, lwj and lsz are in the background have some sort of father-son chat, while wwx and wn chill in the foreground

here we find out that wn and lsz plan to go back to qishan to build some sort of memorial to their loved ones

wwx: i'll come with you

wn: that won't be necessary

wwx: you don't want me to tag along?

aw, my sunshine boy looks kinda hurt 😔

but wn assures him that that's not the case. it's just that wwx has already done more than enough for them and it's time for wen ning to go out on his own

wwx gets all teary-eyed again and pats him on the shoulder, and agrees that that's for the best

lsz and wn split off, and wwx waves his demon flute cheerfully at them, lwj at his side

wwx turns to lwj with a smile

wwx: lan zhan, lets go!

he says happily, with confidence, then he taps chenqing on his head a couple of times

wwx: where should we go?

he grins, pulling lil apple along with him, so cheerfully!

wwx: let's get going, lil apple!

but lwj isn't turning with him

he's still in that spot, his back towards wwx who already was forging onto his next adventure

AND MY HEART IS BREAKING

BC WHY HASN'T HE TURNED TO FOLLOW WWX???

wwx slows to a stop as he notices the absence of white robes at his side AND ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING AGAIN

he turns back slowly to look back at lwj, confused

there is too much distance between them!!

TOO MUCH!

multiple yards of distance where there should be NONE!

THERE SHOULD BE NONE DISTANCE!!!!!!

WHY ISN'T THERE NONE DISTANCE??!?!

lwj is still facing away from wwx, he's still rooted to the spot and his face has gone blank

wwx: lan zhan, you...aren't you coming with me?

HE SOUNDS SO CONFUSED, SO TIMID

HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING

and there's a too long pause during which wwx's eyes are desperately pinned to lwj's back

finally, FINALLY, lwj turns ever so slowly to face wwx

wwx is staring at him and lwj can only meet his eyes briefly before they slowly turn downwards

wwx gets this tiny hurt smile on his face and nods as his eyes well with tears again but this time THEY ARE NOT HAPPY TEARS

these are "i knew this was too good to be true" tears

these are "of course i can't keep good, pure lan zhan at my side" tears

these are "this is exactly what i deserve" tears

lwj looks up again, and wwx gives him a nod and a smile bc he doesn't want lwj to feel guilty for leaving him

LEAVING HIM

HE'S LEAVING HIM AGAIN

WHY

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

the camera pulls out, really emphasizing the distance and the sudden quiet that falls between them is severely lacking any words of explanation

AND I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY BC WTF WHY

we cut to a truly impressive shot of the cloud recesses, followed by a cut to a waterfall

I’m pretty sure it's the same waterfall from when they were kids and had that sword fight

and we hear the opening notes of ~Their Song~ played on the flute

wwx walks into view on the shore of the pond the waterfall goes into, with his flute at his lips

in the background we see that lwj is at the opposite shore closer to the waterfall, sitting cross-legged with his guqin in his lap

AND THEN THEY GIVE US VOCALS

bc watching them play ~THEIR SONG~ TOGETHER BUT AT A DISTANCE WASN'T PAINFUL ENOUGH

and jfc the shots of the waterfalls in this area are freaking gorgeous

now we see them standing together on the same boulder over a smaller waterfall

bc our boys have an aesthetic

that aesthetic is moonlight and waterfalls, and they're sticking to it

wwx: lan zhan, tbh, it surprised me that you would take over the role of his excellency

lwj: we made a vow here

and we get a flashback to the lantern scene and hear those vows they made as kids

Back in the present, wwx smiles, and knocks back the jar of wine that he has with him bc the mystery has been solved BUT HIS ALCOHOLISM HASN'T!

and i'm sitting here SCREAMING INTERNALLY, FUCK THOSE VOWS.

YOU'VE GOT NEW, BETTER VOWS, WHICH ARE NEVER EVER LEAVE EACH OTHER'S SIDES EVER AGAIN, DAMN IT

wwx turns to face lwj

wwx: lan zhan, you truly deserve your title, hanguang jun

and lwj turns to look back at him

lwj: and you too, wei ying

we are BLESSED with wwx's wide, squinty-eyed smile

and lwj graces us with his soft, small, secret smile

they stare at each other for a moment before turning back to gaze off into the distance

the camera pulls back to gift us with the gorgeous scenery that surrounds them

now we cut to them walking down the steps towards that big rock full of ridiculous gusulan rules

nhs is there! with his fan!

nhs: this is unexpected. cloud recesses has added another thousand rules.

wwx: nhs, no matter how many rules are added, there is one that matters most. do you know what it is?

nhs looks so at ease here

this entire time since we got back to the present to watch wwx solve this mystery, nhs was nervous, twitchy and flaky in every scene

but here, he stands straight and serene with a confidence we have not yet seen on him til now

nhs: i have no clue

he says this and it doesn't sound anything like his usual anxious, dopey, "idk idk i really don't know"

nhs: please advise, wwx.

and wwx strides up until he's right next to nhs, shoulder to shoulder, tho they're facing opposite directions

wwx: that would be...

he leans down, and lowers his voice

wwx: "thou shall not befriend the devil"

there has been a distinct lack of background noise or music since this scene started

but the minute those words leave wwx's mouth, we get ominous music.

nhs keeps his harmless act as he meets wwx's eyes and they share a laugh

(a laugh of acknowledgement, of recognition of each other's skills)

nhs: wwx, you have the nerve

wwx: no i wouldn't dare. i'm no match for you.

the words they're exchanging SOUND carefree and easy on the surface, but they definitely carry some underlying tension

nhs notices lwj watching them and bows respectfully

nhs: your excellency

he turns to leave, fan open against his chest

wwx: clan leader nie, i have one question that i would love to get your opinion on.

nhs: go on

wwx: you have put in so much effort and energy, don't you want to be the Excellency?

wwx is gauging nhs's threat level to lwj

bc with the skills nhs has developed and the cover he has, it really wouldn't be all that difficult for him to depose lwj if he wanted, you know?

but nhs has never been the ambitious sort

he was perfectly content with his art, and his fans, and his porn, and being second young master, nothing more (UNTIL FUCKING JGY RUINED IT ALL)

nhs: wwx, it was once said that we can never get tired of these scenes; earth and sky, woods and fields, lakes and rivers, the mountain and the sea

nhs: as for me, i am a sensible man. if i have to, i always do it myself.

nhs: but for the things that aren't my business, i won't meddle in

and i'm not sure if there's something i'm missing, some layer of context or whatever,

but what i get from this is that nhs is saying everything has its place and he has no desire to go outside of his own place in the world

if the situation calls for it, he will intervene but ONLY if there's no one else willing or able to step in

really, this is just his poetic way of saying, i have no interest in hurting hanguang jun or stealing his power

lwj walks up to join wwx as the two of them watch nhs leave

lwj: aren't you going to ask him?

wwx: ask him what?

wwx: who let mxy out? who released the blade spirit? who found sisi and bicao? and who wrote that anonymous letter?

and he gets this unconcerned expression on his face

with a little pout he just goes on to say that these questions don't matter anymore

and he walks off, twirling his flute

we cut to the next scene and our boys are standing face to face on a grassy hilltop. wwx points behind lwj

Brief aside to say, i love the robes lwj wears here, they’re very very pretty. White and pale blue, they look very airy and light

wwx: i will head that way

and lwj points with bichen behind wwx

lwj: i will head this way

AND THEN THEY JUST STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A BIT

BC THEY DON'T REALLY WANNA SAY GOODBYE, DO THEY?

lwj: have you decided where you are going to go?

wwx shakes his head and tilts his chin up

wwx: it's a big world that we live in. i will wander with my fine wine and a ride, and make it my home

*cries softly* but you have a home, LWJ is your home, why are you leaving

lwj lowers his gaze

probs bc he is thinking the same thing i was

let lwj be your home, wwx

wwx: lan zhan, i will get going

and lwj gives him one single, barely there nod of the head

bc he doesn't want wwx to go!!!

but he doesn't want to hold him back either...

wwx walks past him with a smile, dragging lil apple along with him and cheerfully he says:

"as long as the sea is bound to wash up on the sand and stars are above you, we will meet again."

and lwj just watches him leave before steeling himself to turn and walk off to his wwx-less future

but as he walks, he hears wwx playing their song on his flute so he pauses to turn back slightly

and we hear wwx’s voice over, "lan zhan, next time we see each other, you better have a name for this song."

as lwj continues walking, we hear his voice over, "way ahead of you."

and he seems slightly less sad at their parting.

AND NOW WE'RE GETTING THE FUCKING VOCALS AGAIN BC THE SHOW JUST LOVES TEARING OUR HEARTS OUT OF OUR CHEST

we get a gorgeous shot of a green cliff side and of course the cliffside has a couple of pretty waterfalls

wwx standing alone, playing on his flute, and the camera is lovingly caressing all of wwx's best features

we get a beautiful close up of wwx's lips resting over the mouthpiece of his flute, aND I THANK EVERY DEITY IN EXISTENCE FOR IT

and it's not immediately apparent bc wwx always wears dark form fitting robes

but the robes he's wearing in this scene are DEFINITELY DIFFERENT from the ones he was wearing when he and lwj parted ways

MEANING SOME TIME HAS PASSED

we have no way of knowing how much time

COULD BE AN HOUR! COULD BE A DAY! COULD BE A COUPLE OF YEARS!!

WE JUST DON'T KNOW

but time has passed

wwx is playing ~Their Song~ alone on that hill, the vocals are like honey to the ears and they crescendo to give us an overwhelming swell of emotion

the music peeters off until it's just wwx's flute reaching the last notes of ~Their Song~

as he is finishing we hear lwj's voice

"Wei Ying."

wwx freezes, like he's wondering if he imagined that voice

the music is completely gone, everything is utterly silent and wwx's face is completely open as he lowers his flute

a smile starts to curl at his mouth, small and tentative and as he turns around, ~Their Song~ crescendos into existence again

and wwx's smile grows incredulous and relieved and SO FULL OF LOVE AND JOY

I DIE, I DIE!

MY BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINE BOY

and we fade to black

bc that's where it ends

That's it

THAT'S ALL THERE IS, WE MADE IT TO THE END!

IT'S OVER, THERE'S NO MORE. MY LIFE NO LONGER HAS MEANING. OMG I JUST BURST INTO TEARS. WHY IS THIS AFFECTING ME SO MUCH

I KNEW THIS WAS COMING. I'VE SEEN THIS THREE OTHER TIMES ALREADY!! OH GOD OH GOD, I MISS WWX'S FACE ALREADY. GIVE ME BACK MY SUNSHINE BOY, LET ME KEEP HIM FOREVER *SOBS*

Hang on, hang on, just give me a minute. *deep breath* Okay, i’m good, i’m good now.

This show is just...it’s so beautiful in every way except CGI lol and it evokes so many visceral feelings. It’s passionate, is what it is. And not in the sexual way “passionate” has been forced to become. This show is passionate the way passion is supposed to mean: piercing anguish, burning anger, utter devotion...just overwhelming feeling

But most importantly, the passion in this show is intense love:

Platonic love; see how much our main cast gave up to aid their friends and dependents

Familial love; look at the lengths those brothers and sisters went for each other

Romantic love; watch how these two soulmates returned to each other again and again regardless of all the obstacles between them

I honestly can’t think of another show that’s done this so well. I am just so grateful to have been able to watch this show, to have gotten to know these characters even tho it’s raised my standards for future shows to ridiculously high levels

So that’s it! We’ve reached the end of the guide! Now we can go back and re-visit our favorite scenes whenever we want!

Return to Masterpost

#WangXiantics #wangxian #the untamed #cql

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goldenspecter · 4 years ago

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Forgivness

Summary: “I was possessed! Da-A ghost took over my body!” Tucker shouts and that’s the moment he breaks down, pulling his hands away from his parents and holding him close to his chest-if he holds his chest, then no one can enter his body. That burning in his chest is back as he sobs brokenly. Here he was, breaking down over something Danny did to him and here he is, still holding on to Danny’s secret. Where was the fairness in that? “I didn’t want to!”

Valerie doesn’t know how to forgive someone. She’s never really had to, because people usually don’t hurt her this badly. Usually they apologize on the spot for some minor thing and Valerie instantly forgives them because she knows that they meant her no harm.

In which we see how Tucker copes with the events of Parental Bonding and Valerie gets some closure.

Archive of Our Own | FFN

Notes:

Here's the first side story in the AU! I'm quite happy with how this one turned out and hopefully plan on doing more of these as the AU progresses!

I knew I had to write this after writing that confrontation scene between Tucker and Valerie in the French Braids and it's been something I've been wanting to write anyways. Not to mention that I'm currently having some form of writers block when it's coming to writing the next part of the other fic.

- I've seen plenty of works within the fandom that addresses how overshadowing/possessing someone fucks them up but I don't think I've quite seen anything that talks about how it personally affected Tucker. It's really, really, really fucked up for Tucker to explicitly say no and not consent to be overshadowed and Danny, his best friend and someone who's the narrative says is a good person, ignore Tucker and do it any way and deeply violate his agency and consent. Even more fucked up that the narrative plays this for jokes at the end of the episode. This is literally a Vlad move my dudes, this is something that we should expect of Vlad because we know that he doesn't really view people as actual people, just pawns that he can use to meet a goal. Danny doing shit like this multiple times throughout canon(and it being played for jokes) only makes him more like Vlad. A more interesting concept would have been Danny asking to overshadow someone/not using except for dire circumstances but canon said fuck good ideas right?

-Valerie deserves closure. She deserves good things, good things and she deserves closure for being stood up at home coming.

-Re: Self-Harm Tag: Okay so Tucker has a certain behavior in this fic where he picks at scabs in his hair until they bleed but the thing is, Tucker doesn't really have a choice whether or not he wants to do it but rather it's compulsive. He doesn't really realize he's doing it and doesn't intend to cause physical damage(whereas its the opposite with self-harming) but he knows its a thing. Trichotillomania (hair pulling) and skin picking are commonly seen in autistic people. It can serve as a way to self-soothe and self-stimulate the individual in day to day life. Some Autism Specialists can classify this behavior as a SIB(Self-Injurious-Behavior) since it is harmful to the person's body. Also I do this a lot, have been for several years and once again the projection is real.

-Also Tucker in this AU has a really hardcore squish(friend crush) on Valerie but doesn't really understand/realize that he just wants to be friends with her and thus pursued her in a romantic manner.

Timeline wise in the AU: The first half, in Tucker’s POV, takes place right after Parental Bonding, through One of a Kind and mid way through pt one of French Braids. The second half, Valerie’s POV, is after pt one of French Braids and in between Attack of the Killer Garage Sale and Splitting Images.

-----

When Tucker fully comes back into his body, he's at the homecoming dance. Dragon Sam’s been subdued and back to her normal self and the three of them are standing in the middle of the dance floor.

“Dude, sorry your date didn't pan out. Where is Paulina anyway?” asks Tucker, the words taste bitter in his mouth as he says them.

Sam shrugs, “Ah, who cares? Look, the DJ's still playing. I think there's time for one last dance?”

“Sure, I’d love to,” Danny turns and hands the amulet to Tucker. “Keep an eye on this will you?”

Danny doesn’t bother waiting for an answer before dropping the amulet in Tucker’s hands. Tucker’s fingers instinctively curl around the amulet and Tucker turns away from Danny’s smile because all he can see now is Danny’s green eyes smiling at him before Danny took over. How come he didn’t get an apology for being forced to stand up Valerie? How come he’s the only one who doesn’t get a happy ending this time around? How come Danny gets to pretend like none of this ever happened while he was stuck with the aftermath?

Tucker swallows the lump in his chest, “Wait a second,” he begins, “I’m dateless again?! What does a guy have to do to get hooked up around here?”

“I want to go to the ball!” wails Dora.

He doesn’t know why he had to turn his feelings into a mere joke. He does of course. Because no one here really thinks his feelings matter and jokes are the only way he has right now to process it. Tucker knows this but can’t help the heartache and nausea bury when Danny and Sam laugh at his misfortune. Can they not see that he’s hurting or do they just not care ?

The fourteen year old forces a smile on his face as he steps away from Dora. “Maybe I don’t need a date that badly,” he says and runs away from the blooming romance and the burning in his chest.

~~~~~~~

Home should be safe. Home was safe. Home was where it happened, so how safe was he? Tucker opens the door and both of his parents are there, sitting at the table waiting for him.

How safe were they? Were any of them safe anymore?

His parents look up from the card game they were playing, “Tucker?” his mom asks, with confusion in her eyes. “It’s pretty early, you shouldn’t be home for another hour or two.”

Tucker shakes his head, kicking the door behind him. “Wanted to go home early.” He turns around facing the door and locks it, and with it, his emotions.

Maurice blinks, laying down his cards. “Did something happen dear?”

Tucker shakes his head even harder. “It’s nothing,” his voice cracks slightly and he can feel his parents' looks of concern.

Maurice stands up and slowly walks towards him, “Something happened dear,” he says softly and Tucker just knows that he can’t keep up this facade any longer. “Whatever happened, it’ll be okay.”

“No it won’t,” he says in a rough whisper. Maybe, if he keeps his eyes down then he won't lose it. “It won’t ever be.”

Maurice tries to wrap his arm around his son but steps back when his son roughly pushes him away. He tries again, but this time, he gently takes one of his son's hands and holds it in his. “Please, just talk to us.”

It’s the desperation in his dad’s voice that does it for him, that finally gets him to talk. “I stood up Valerie,” he says, voice cracking and thick with emotion, growing more and more panicked by the second. “I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to, I didn’t have a choice.”

“What do you mean, you didn’t have a choice?” Angela asks, coming up to him and taking his other hand in hers.

“I was possessed! Da-A ghost took over my body!” Tucker shouts and that’s the moment he breaks down, pulling his hands away from his parents and holding him close to his chest-if he holds his chest, then no one can enter his body. That burning in his chest is back as he sobs brokenly. Here he was, breaking down over something Danny did to him and here he is, still holding on to Danny’s secret. Where was the fairness in that? “I didn’t want to!”

Maurice gets over his initial shock at Tucker’s outburst, before he jumps in to help his hurting son. “Tucker, can you take deep breaths with me?” he takes exaggerated deep breaths, “Follow my breathing.”

“I can’t,” he manages to say through a sob, “It’s not safe, you aren’t safe, none of us are safe.”

“You’re safe honey, you’re safe,” Angela says, sliding off his hat and gently stroking his hair in an effort to calm him down. “Maybe we can go to the Fentons-”

Tucker reels back and the panic kicks into overdrive, “No!” The sobbing grows into deep and broken wails. They can’t go to Ground Zero, where the source of this misery originated from, because then all three of them definitely won’t be safe. Home is safer, Home has to be safer, Home needs to be safer.

Maurice and Angela look at each other in confusion, unable to understand why their child was so adamant about not going to the Fentons. Both parents put aside their confusion to help their son calm down, taking nearly 45 minutes to do so. Once Tucker was calm, they gave him some water and some medications to help him sleep through the night. Maurice walks his son upstairs, stands outside the door as he changes into pajamas and personally tucks his son in for the night, turning out the light and leaving Tucker’s door slightly ajar.

Tucker doesn’t leave the house for the rest of the weekend.

~~~~~~

Tucker wants to stay away from Danny, he doesn’t feel safe near him anymore. He doesn’t know when his best friend is going to overshadow his body and take control of him.

He’s just on the brink of telling Danny to leave him alone, to not talk to him anymore when Danny says he needs them both to help him with ghost hunting and studying for the test.

Tucker feels the no on his tongue, practically taste it, but instead a sour yes spills out instead.

The incident with the Purple Back Gorilla happens and the week passes by quickly. Tucker can not help but feel uneasy, thankful when the weekend comes by.

Somehow, someway he’s at the grocery store and he comes across Valerie pushing a cart with a little kid inside of it. Nerves garble his voice even as he clears his voice, “Valerie? I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while.”

“Go away Tucker,” she says and he can hear the anger boiling in her.

“I know I messed up-”

She whips around, her green eyes narrowing at him in anger and he feels so small right about now. “You left me!” she hisses, “I was alone!”

Tucker winces, rubbing his neck. “Let me explain Valerie.”

"You don't get to explain how you stood me up at homecoming," Valerie starts, her voice tight. "You don't get to waltz in here-" Her shoulders deflate, the anger leaving her body and soon washes her over with sadness. Tucker knows that she’s holding herself back and he can only assume it’s because of the kid in the cart.

"Go," she points down the aisle, "I don't want to hear your excuses."

Tucker bows his head in shame, walking down the aisle and out of the store with the few items he bought, his chance to repair...whatever he wanted to have with Valerie gone.

~~~~~

But with Tucker? She has no idea where to begin. The only reason she’s considering forgiving Tucker in the first place is because Clockwork told her that Tucker didn’t want to stand her up, that he didn’t mean to hurt her, that Clockwork knew what happened that night but couldn’t tell her.

Clockwork leans over her shoulder as she contemplates sending Tucker a text. “What are you doing?” they ask, sipping on their juice.

“Trying to send a text,” she says, “To Tucker to talk about...you know.”

Clockwork tilts their head before nodding in realization. “What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know what to say!” Valerie says, throwing her hands up in frustration. “That’s just it!”

The small child shrugs, “Mmm, just go with what feels right?” they question in a stilted voice.

Valerie raises an eyebrow, “That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I picked it up from someone on one of the TV shows you were watching,” Clockwork says, “I thought it was appropriate.”

It was appropriate, she has to give them that, no matter how stilted and unnatural they sounded while saying it. She encouragingly rubs their back, “You did good, though.” she praises, pulling them in close to her for a side hug.

Valerie’s thumb hovers over the keyboard, typing and retyping her message until she’s satisfied with it and pressing send.

You: I’ve thought about it and I’m giving you one chance to explain yourself. Meet me at the park at 5:30. I’ll be at the tables near the swings.

Several minutes pass by before she feels her phone vibrate, looking down to see the notification.

Tucker: Okay, meet you there.

Valerie sighs, pulling away from Clockwork. She sits up, checks the time on her phone. It’s 4:45 now and the park was only a five to ten minute walk from the Nasty Burger. Then again, it didn’t hurt to be early, Clockwork could play on the swings while she waits for him to meet her.

“You finished with your food?” she asks Clockwork, who nods. “Come on, we’re heading to the park.”

“Whoo!” exclaims Clockwork, eagerly sliding out of the dining booth. Valerie shakes her head with a smile, picking up their trays, dumping the food and sitting the trays on top of the trash cans as they walk out of the diner. Traffic was a little heavy, which only set them back by five minutes and the two managed to get to Amity Park in a timely manner.

Once they’re in the park, Valerie hunts for the set of swings. She quickly finds it, the tables she mentioned earlier close by. She sits down at the wooden tables and tells Clockwork to go play on the swing, which they do without a fuss. Valerie checks her phone again, the time now 5:05, leaving her with only twenty five minutes till Tucker was supposed to be here. She decides to scroll through her social media, occasionally breaking away from her phone to check on Clockwork.

Valerie feels the table and bench groan and shift under new weight, she looks up and Tucker is sitting right across from her.

He looks nervous and uncertain. So is she.

Turning her phone screen off and placing it face down on the table, Valerie sits there in silence for a moment before speaking.

“Uh, speak your truth,” Valerie says awkwardly and she wishes that she had gone over what she was going to say. “Don’t bullshit me.”

“I got possessed by a ghost,” Tucker says, looking away from her and throwing his hands out. “I don’t remember what happened when I was possessed.”

“We’re her best friends! We should have known.” Danny laments.

“It’s not our responsibility to read and protect Sam’s emotions, she should have said she wanted to go to the dance from the beginning,” Tucker says back, straightening his tie a bit. “There’s nothing we can do about it now anyways.”

Danny thinks for a moment, then a mischievous smile appears as green eyes flash at Tucker.

Tucker realizes what Danny wants him to do, “No way. Forget it. Absolutely not. No!” he loudly protests and the next thing he knows, he’s feeling a gaping hole in his chest as his consciousness is taken over by Danny.

“You were possessed….by a ghost?” Valerie asks incredulously, she feels something tugging her arms. Looking down, she sees Clockwork looking up at her with their big eyes, silently saying “He’s telling the truth.”

Tucker’s nods, “I know that sounds absurd and it sounds stupid but it happened and I’m so sorry that I stood you up.” Tucker pleads, holding his face in his hands, one of them crawling up to his head and pulling at the short curls. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m so, so sorry.”

Valerie notices how distressed Tucker sounds, how his voice cracks a tiny bit after he shields his face from her and how broken Tucker looks and sounds. There have been plenty of ghosts attacks in the city and it sounds just as likely he was possessed by one of these ghosts. He didn’t have a reason to make any of this up; it wouldn’t have made sense if he did since he was too excited to be her date to the dance.

Clockwork’s words ring in her head, “If it helps, he didn't want to hurt you.He didn't want to though," and she gets it. She finally gets it.

Valerie reaches out, uncertain as she pulls Tucker’s hands away from his hair, not saying anything as she notices blood staining the pads of his fingers and holds it in her hand. Tucker stops shaking, stops pleading, simply stops and looks at Valerie, waiting for her to confirm his worst suspicions.

“That possession stuff? That’s some weak shit fam,” she says, “But I forgive you.”

Tucker’s body sags with relief, and the unheard ‘Thank You’ is loud enough for all three of them at the table.

Clockwork reaches forward, takes one of Tucker’s hands and holds it.

Valerie grabs a tissue and some hand sanitizer out of her book bag, squeezes some on the tissue and begins gently wiping the blood off of his finger pads. He tries to pull back but Valerie tightens her grip on him.

“Let...let us handle this,” she says softly, continuing to wipe the blood off his fingers. “Why so much blood?”

Tucker looks away in embarrassment. “I have a thing where I can’t help but pick at the scabs in my hair,” he explains, “It gets really bad sometimes.”

“I bet what happened hasn’t helped any,” Valerie says, silently gesturing for Clockwork to give her his other hand so she can continue. “Do you remember the ghost who did it?”

Tucker shakes his head, “No,” The lie comes too easily. The little kid sitting next to Valerie eyes him with some scrutiny, and Tucker resists the urge to pull away from Valerie while wondering if this kid knew more than they let on. “What would you do if you ever found them?”

“Punch them in the face,” Valerie says without skipping a beat, oblivious to Clockwork’s and Tucker’s simultaneous wince. “No ghost gets away with possessing my friends.”

“Friend?” Tucker repeats back, “We’re friends?”

“Well, yeah,” Valerie answers, as if it wasn’t obvious. “You’re my friend now.”

Tucker blinks several times to make sure he heard her properly. “Oh, okay.”

Valerie finishes wiping the blood off of his fingers and he slowly pulls them back towards his chest. “I should go home now,” Tucker says, standing up and pulling away from the table.

“Why don’t we go with you? Me and...Isaiah can keep you company while you walk home. Ghosts probably won’t attack if all three of us are together.” Valerie says, standing up to wipe the imaginary dirt off her orange skirt. Isaiah follows suit, tightly holding her hand. “You in?”

“Sure,” he stutters. The three begin the walk to Tucker’s house and as they walk, he can’t help but focus on how safe he feels with Valerie and Isaiah and feels that gaping hole in his chest slowly begin to heal.

#danny phantom #tucker foley #valerie gray #dp clockwork #dp fanfiction #dp fanfic #goldenspecter writes

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fondofeveryprickle · 3 years ago

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lovely writer episode 9

so much happened on this episode.

first of all. I don't care about aey sob story, nobody loves me, and then he is shitty to everyone. and saying he put viagra in the drink? I couldn't find it funny at all, even if it was a lie.

....

but sib and gene together was so perfect. it started in a way that made so much sense for them, all playful like and then when it got serious, it was because gene took inniciative and kissed him and told him he wanted it. I loved it so much. 💜💜💜

but getting a fever the next day??? really????

also, them brushing their teeth? that was not just brushing teeth, right?

....

tiffy thought tum was gay!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, I knew that, but later I thought she knew he wasn't. like when they talked about stereotypes and idk, I thought she saw him. like herself, liking boys and girls.

but they got a chance to be together now, and I'm happy for them.

......

now it's the hard part. the whole dinner and after. I hated every moment of it. it hurt so. much watching that.

first of all, I love that gene was the one that said he wanted to say something. we all know sib also wanted to come clean, but he would never suggest it because he knew Gene was not comfortable yet. so I loved that gene knew he loved sib enough and didn't want to hide anymore.

the whole dinner scene hurt. but it was perfect. all the jokes, because we can talk about gays if it's funny and not real, right? and yeah, let's plan our sons wedding because it would be so funny if they were gay and together.

and they had to stay there and listen to all that. and after it all, they still decided to come out????? that's courage. I wouldn't. I wouldn't be brave enough to do it in that moment.

gene was so brave, I was crying for him. and then sib was there really supportive. I love these boys, okay?

but they are also dumb.

why did they stay???? they don't live with their parents anymore. they didn't have to stay after that.

I also thought the mom's would be more supportive, idk. like gene's mom was writing about bl and she was happy he was writing and his book would be a series. but boy was I wrong.

and I want to make something clear here. I hate gene's father. I don't care if he's a closeted person as well. what he did was so awful, just because he suffered in the past, it doesn't justify repeating the same hate to his own son.

I hated that gene was crying and suffering outside, and the mom. decided to comfort the dad and not her son.

and I hated that the show decided to show the parents suffering just as much as the boys. I don't care about the parents "suffering" about finding out their sons are gay.

that's not suffering, that's homophobia. making both moments the same was just really bad.

I just wanted to huf sib and gene, but them in the car and tell them that they deserve to be happy together, it doesn't matter what.

my heart broke so bad.

I wanted to scream. I couldn't even cry I was so angry.

I just really really wish they hadn't stayed there. they should have gone home.

I'm also glad that their brothers are supportive.

I'm still not over it. showing the mom crying and then cutting to gene crying. fuck his mom. I don't care. she's got no right to cry at his expense.

I am so mad.

(the thing is, I'm not saying that lots of parents/family wouldn't react that way. I know they do. they make it about themselves and not the queer person. but!!!! I just wish the show hadn't focused on it, and made it seem like the suffering was the same. it's not. it can never be)

#episode commentary #lovely writer #ju watches series

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ba-mi-soro-orisha · 5 years ago

Note

when youre done recovering id love to hear your thoughts on the book(even if the post ends up being almost as long lmao)

Buckle up, y’all, cause this is going DEEP INTO SPOILERS. This is my no-holds-barred take on Children of Virtue and Vengeance!

SPOILER WARNING

If you read any further past this, CoVaV is gonna be majorly spoiled for you. This is your last warning.

Okay, I gotta open with a minor - but really the only - critique I had about CVV: we know Tomi was rushed in finishing the book in time for the third pushed back date, and the book kinda reads like it. Book 1, I felt like we got a lot more detail and getting to know characters and buildup of the plot. Book 2, it felt like we were just rushing to get through all the action planned. There wasn’t very much in between downtime, which resulted in not only a kinda rushed book with way more plot than pages, but also a very emotionally devastating book.

Which leads me to: I feel like the central theme of CoBaB was more “hope”, while in CoVaV it was straight up “conflict”. And there was no recovery time. Even the precious few hopeful times that were in the book, I didn’t really have time to process or chill or cope. I always knew something worse was coming, which is what made this such a raw read. I do think the book could have benefited from giving us a little more hope. Like three-quarters of the way through, I had to keep thinking back to CBB and how I felt reading it and hoping there would be more hopeful and optimistic feelings in book 3. I couldn’t put the book down, but as a result, I pretty much just sobbed through the last fourth (at least) of the book, finished the book, sat in shock, and then went to bed. This book literally exhausted me. What a godsdamned ride.

I completely get why the book was like this, even if it wasn’t as a result of being rushed, but I feel a little more for the readers to balance it out helps us survive, lol.

That aside, there was SO MUCH in this book, I have SO MANY feelings!!!

Firstly, the worldbuilding was GREAT. I loved the new insight we got on magic. I totally didn’t realize frm book 1 that tîtans and maji were different and used magic differently for the most part.

With the direction of the ending, I’m not sure Tomi will go in this direction, but I’d like to know more about these differences. Why is it that chants can work for tîtans but maji can only use magic through chants? Is it just most effective? Will we discover they can use raw magic in book 3? I HAVE QUESTIONS.

Learning about the maji clan setups was also really interesting, but I have to admit it threw me for a bit of a loop referring to the leaders as elders and then they were all children. xP

Also, I’m really glad Tomi listened and gave us queer characters. I love Nâo and Khani. Powerful leader girlfriends? HELL YEAH.

I think this book made it really clear that Zélie x Amari is not end game and will not happen. I know a lot of people were/still are hopeful for that, but I think there’s just too much set up that says otherwise. They love each other, but imo they firmly think of each other as family. I’m going to put my stock in our canon queer couple and support them 10,000%.

Next big one: FUCKING HELL INAN STILL BEING ALIVE, I AM REALLY NOT HAPPY. I didn’t check out the chapters in the table of contents, so I didn’t have the forewaring to see that Inan was getting perspective chapters again, so it took my by quite a bit of surprise. A lot of you called that Inan would still be alive, but I honestly so prefer “dead means dead” in stories (otherwise, I find deaths are used too much for shock value and it just devalues the overall story and plot) that I had myself convinced he really was dead. He got a convincing death scene. Listen, if you kill off a character, I am going to grieve them. It is not going to be the same if you bring them back. I will have completely detached feelings for them and have to form a whole new relationship and perspective on them, and I am always going to keep them at a distanced because they were dead, I saw it happen, and there is no going back.

But no. BAM! He’s not only alive but Zélie is the one to wake him from his connector coma. Not happy. I really feel that Inan’s story played out in CoBaB. It’s interesting that I’ve seen some real anti-Inan folk feeling more sympathy for Inan in this book, while I’ve talked about feeling that Inan was a really compelling villain in book 1, but I’ve got much more negative feelings towards him throughout book 2. (And also why the hell should Inan get to come back but all these little maji kids - Zulaikha and Mazeli, c’mon - die and die for real??? It feels very cheap and very shock value to me. I don’t know if it was like some statement on privilege or Tomi just didn’t want to be done with Inan, but yeah.)

Honestly, the way Inan and Amari think in this book is so similar, and I found it so fucking conceited and narrow-minded. My view on both of them went down in this book. They just kept talking about how they have to be so selfish and they’re the only ones who can see things for how they are and how damn much they sacrifice and how tired they are because it’s up to them to sacrifice everything. Like!!! GUYS. No.

From the beginning when the CVV summary was released, I was wary of the plot focusing on Amari leading the people. It’s one of those things like: the system is not broken. It’s functioning exactly as it intends to. The monarchy has evolved to uphold a class system where diviners and maji are at the bottom. That’s what it wants to be doing. Can you really effectively change the system by accepting the system as your basis for change? Maybe it’s time to deconstruct the system and build something better. Not just put a royal back on the throne and think that’s gonna go smoothly.

And that’s exactly what happened here. They tried to use the system to buck the system and everything collapsed around them.

But I’m getting a little off topic - fixing a system of bigotry and oppression that your people built is not a sacrifice. You are still in the position of power here.

And Inan’s little bit where he thinks he’s so good and pure and better than his father because he offers the maji a place in society if they bend to his rules and follow him when the other option is that he will murder them had me wanting to tear my hair out. “Follow me or perish” is not a compromise. It’s not improvement. It’s literally a threat. And then when the maji don’t take this offer, Inan takes this as a sign that his mother was right and they can’t trust the maji to make the right decisions!?!?

Ugh. I was just done. I know all the factors of why I originally had sympathy for Inan are still there, and they largely control how he acts and thinks in CVV. (What he really needs for character growth and development is to be away from toxic influences and given time to grieve and work on figuring himself out. Not thrust into a position of power with his mother holding all the strings.) So, for me, Inan’s character really hit a wall, always getting stuck in the same patterns. And so now I feel less sympathy for him and find his story less compelling.

I honestly found Inan’s cousin, Ojore, really interesting. I think it could have been a really compelling story if somehow Ojore was allowed to take up the throne. WIth his background, being there in the burner attack that killed Saran’s father, he had a lot of backstory that we could have explored. And Tomi still could have revealed that it was Nehanda that manipulated things and let the burners in to encourage the war and the genocide against maji. Without Inan, we could have really gotten to explore how Ojore would react to that while on the throne. He could have potentially gone through the character development that Inan will never really get to see. Instead of him being killed pretty much immediately after he learns the truth behind his family’s death and the attack on him.

That being said, I do respect Inan’s decision to give up his position in the end. I think the whole “I’ll let your murder me” and Zélie apparently going to go through this was a little… contrived. But at least Inan did pull it out in the end. It will be interesting to see how these last moments between Inan and Zélie come into play in the next book. I’m assuming either Inan has been taken with the rest or will mount a rescue to go after them, so you know we’re going to get more on how this relationship develops.

(I think with Tzain done with Amari right now, Amari and Inan trying to navigate a new siblingship with each other will be a more interesting relationship than Inan x Zélie, and I would look forward to getting to see these sibs talk and get to actually be there for each other like they never have before.)

And since I just went through Inan, let’s go ahead and talk about Amari.

Oh, Amari.

Amari, Amari, Amari.

GIRL. Why did it take you this entire book to realize that making decisions based off of what your father would have done was the wrong damn thing to do!?!?!? Omg, we all knew that was gonna crash and burn on you. The entire purpose of overthrowing your father’s rule was to not do things his way because his way was cruel and malicious. smdh

I was still rooting for Amari throughout the book. I am still rooting for Amari, but damn. She sure did try to make it hard doing things like going back on promises right after she made them (forcing Zélie to teach her chants that didn’t belong to her and then immediately using them on a maji) and acting like she new better than all the maji (I agree that just wanting to kill all the nobles and other peoples wasn’t a feasible plan, but GIRL. These are a traumatized, hunted people. They’re going to be angry, especially right in the thick of a war. Strongarming your way into a position of power over them is not going to make them feel any better about you or bring about peace. It’s just going to show them that they cannot trust you). And her move at the end? Sacrificing Zélie and all those people in that village? Being willing to murder them all? … If killing her father fucked her up, what’s this going to do? I still have faith in her. I want her to come back from this. But she’s going to have to majorly confront her own feelings and actions and work very hard to come back from this. Though, I have a feeling that she’ll mostly get forgiven in the next book because bigger and worse things will happen and they’ll have to come together, regardless of how they feel about each other.

Amari’s realization in the end when she decides she doesn’t have to kill her mother (uh… was I the only one expecting some sort of Avatar moment like when Aang took away Ozai’s bending? Like… Nehanda is still a threat… this part of the story can’t just be over) and that killing her father just fucked her up kinda made me feel ashamed for feeling so proud of her when she did kill Saran in CBB. Like, it was just such a powerful moment, and I think too many (simple “good vs evil”) stories fall prey to poor and simplistic messages like “killing in self-defense is evil and makes the good people as bad as the villains”. But it’s just been weighing on Amari this whole time and fucking her up, and now I feel bad. =(

Speaking of Amari feeling bad, though: Ramaya. The connector Amari beat for connector elder.

I hope either Inan was taken with everybody else or Amari will connect with him via their connector-sibling connection. It seems incredibly likely that Ramaya is stuck in her dreamscape similarly to how Inan was stuck in his before Zélie somehow entered it and woke him. Considering they were constantly saying Ramaya was their best soldier, it seems like it would also come in handy to wake Ramaya and be able to utilize her skills to help rescue the kidnapped crew. Like, this HAS to come up at some point, doesn’t it? She can’t just be forgotten in a coma. Did anybody stay behind to take care of her when they marched on the capitol? D|

Other relationships!

Fuck, I fell so hard for Roën in this book. He’s just so endearing. And it seems like it was really only Roën that was able to keep Zélie grounded and moving forward in this book. I didn’t really support Roën and Zélie getting together in book 1, but book 2 absolutely made me support the ship.

However, I think Roën’s actions at the end of the book are a very good insight into the types of things that Roën is capable of. I don’t know if this is endgame for Tomi, but after Zélie’s constant struggle of just wanting to leave and be free and start over in this book and how her rage towards Inan consumed her and caused her to make some short-sighted mistakes (promising she’d protect Mazeli at the temple, then Ojore almost killing him while she tussled with Inan), I just don’t know that this is a particularly healthy relationship. The bit where Roën takes her out to see and they get a ride from a whale? Absolutely adorable. Just what Zélie (and I suspect Roën) needed. But long-term? I have a feeling that Roën is going to have to let more of that mercenary self of his out, and it’s going to scare and wear on Zélie, and erode their relationship. I think this is one of those relationships that is good in the short-term but isn’t long-term sustainable.

Speaking of long-term - I know Tzain is absolutely done with Amari right now, but I think he’s overall shown a great capacity for forgiveness, and I do think Tzain and Amari are endgame for Tomi. I don’t think this break between them is permanent.

But you know who we really need to talk about?

MAMA AGBA

What a heartbreaking arc. You know she had to sever the tie between Mazeli and Zélie to save Zélie’s life. I so wish she had gotten more time with Zélie for them to reform their trust and love for one another. I absolutely wouldn’t have been able to survive the maji elders sacrificing Amari to complete the linking ritual, but I can’t believe they really did sacrifice Mama Agba like that. She was really the only guidance these poor kids had. I can’t believe they really sacrificed her.

RIP Mama Agba. I hope you’re helping to look after Mazeli. 3

Now, for that damn epilogue.

I don’t know if I can take the next book. I don’t know how Tomi’s gonna make it through the next book.

Getting gassed and waking up on an eerie ship with the other elders? Anybody else get the feeling that Tomi is going to dive into a trans atlantic slave trade parallel? I hope I’m just being paranoid here (hey, the book seriously played with my emotions; I have no idea where I’m at anymore). What were y’alls takeaways from that part?

Predictions!

- Harum obviously has something to do with all the elders being taken and them being on a boat now, right? Tomi was totally setting him up as an antagonist and he got very little antag action in this book. He’s got to have something to do with this.

- This was always intended to be a trilogy, but I have to wonder if this isn’t going to end up turning into a couple more books than intended. There was so much to go over in book 2 and then the twist of an epilogue. They’re not even getting to rebuild yet. It just feels like Tomi has so much more planned it can’t possibly be wrapped up in just one more book.

- I feel like something’s gotta happen to sever or dampen the connection the elders (and Roën and Tzain) have with each other. After how powerful they were in the end, Tomi’s gotta counter that somehow. I just don’t know if she’s gonna dampen the powers or pull out an even BIGGER bad than Nehanda was.

- Obviously “Children of Gods” has to do with the title of book 3. If it’s not just Children of Gods, I predict: Children of Gods and Ghosts.

Ending Thoughts

CVV was well worth the wait and lived up to the hype, but if we don’t get some hope and optimism in the next book, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need these poor kids to get some semblance of a happy ending. They’ve been through so much.

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